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#it’s kind of funnily ironic given i am a foodie and i love cooking and baking
osshisan
·
2 years
Text
people who can just eat anything they want and not suffer in the physical and mental consequences: what’s that like
#yeah im getting into dodgy territory here
#ive not been diagnosed w anything but im going to add ed cws for other folks
#ed /
#ed //
#ed cw
#ok it begins
#i wonder when im going to have a normal person relationship w food
#when i think about it im not sure i ever have
#it’s kind of funnily ironic given i am a foodie and i love cooking and baking
#i was raised not only with the whole southern idea that eating lots = healthy but also was hardly restricted with portions + snacks
#so you can imagine how that went for me
#up til high school anyway
#i dont remember 100% of it but i think i had slowly and steadily grown insecure w my body n weight
#and then one ✨ fateful ✨ day i found the scale in my parents bathroom
#and so things went the opposite direction from there <3
#i wont get into it because that’s another ordeal for another time
#i weigh much less now but not underweight
#and ive worked on kicking bad habits and feelings i developed
#and ive done good!
#but some stuff has still clung on
#im laying here in bed regretting having a simple drink and nibble of some cereal
#because i feel full and i can’t stand the feeling
#not helping that im also wearing shorts bcus summer and i also can’t stand the feeling of my thighs rubbing together
#anyway with food; now im at this dumb point where i cant go more than like 3-4 hrs without food or else my body Yells At Me
#for example i know it when it hits because i’ll stand up and every part of me suddenly feels like a frail dead leaf in the cold
#even disregarding the low blood pressure
#which. guess how that got there. lol
#im also on vitamins for iron because iron deficiency
#aw fuck i hit the tag limit i gotta stop here anyway yeah me and food are in an unhealthy love-hate relationship <3
#diary
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