#it’s like taz but everyone is bards

[pheonixgrave]

Ignore It (18+)

This is really my first time posting a story to here, I usually only do it to AO3, but this is what I made this account for. Might as well start using it?

WARNINGS: Heavy smut, corruption kink, mild blood kink? (not sure about that one) Fem Tav, hetero relationship, stress fucking, not beta'd, angst, use of cunt

Smut blow the cut, please enjoy!!

Trekking through the wilderness was exhausting as is. But the bickering? That was starting to drive Tav crazy. Vampire this. Shar that. Eating magic this. Demons that. It was always something else. No matter what she did, they were always at each other’s throats. Oh the irony in that. Maybe the Illithid worm wasn’t the worst thing. Maybe this, the arguing, was the worst thing to happen to her. If she had to hear any Githyanki phrases in the next thirty minutes, she might kill Lae’zel herself. Tav was at her wits end, ready to beat her head against the nearest tree just to see if that got rid of the tadpole. It would be a win-win if it also got everyone else to shut up. 

They didn’t even let up at camp. Sure, they all had their respective tents and spaces. But the glaring. Oh, the glaring! Not a moment of peace before bed. She sat near her bedroll, closer to the fire Gale had set up. A tankard in hand, her back to the more vocal members of the party. She could practically hear Lae’zel glaring at Astarion. And Shadowheart wasn't exactly quiet about her distaste for him either. It’s not like there was an Infernal being less than ten yards away from him. Or a Warlock just across the flames. 

She very quickly downed the rest of her drink before tossing the tankard near the flames. Curling up in her bedroll, she tried to block out all of the noise and barbed words. It was currently taking everything in her to not scream at her first three companions. They had all been through something insane and deadly. Why could they not have it in them to simply get along? It felt impossible. 

Fortunately, her sour mood was noticed by her party. Not that she’d realize it at the moment. The biggest point of contention, Astarion, managed to get the courage to walk up to their fearless, albeit grumpy, leader. He nudged her with his foot. Which he immediately realized was a bad decision. Taz shot up to meet his eyes in the blink of an eye. “What do you want?”

The bite in her voice was unmistakable. But he knew how to handle it. “I want-”

“Don’t bother,” she cut him off. She never cut him off. She was more than happy to let him talk at her sometimes. The final glare she gave him was intense as she stalked towards the lake, away from everybody else. Astarion watched her walk away. Did he only watch to see her hips sway? Absolutely. But that didn’t change the fact that the Bard needed to relax. He smiled to himself before following her. “Didn’t I say don’t bother? I’m not in the mood to be your midnight snack tonight.” 

He didn’t fail to match her step. “Why darling! Do you truly think so little of me?” He pouted. 

Tav just sighed, “Take your antics somewhere else for now, Astarion.”

“Will you just sit down?” He pushed on her shoulders, forcing her down.

Much to the rest of the party's dismay, she did trust the vampire. Whether that would lead her to her own doom was yet to be seen.

Her knees crumbled under the pressure as she fell on the ground. She shot another glare in his direction but that didn’t seem to dissuade him from his plan.

“You’ve been far too stressed today, darling.” He purred in her ear, his hands never leaving her shoulders. 

“Astarion?” He continued to move her body until she was on her stomach.

“Shhh, do you trust me?” Gods, that man was always far too much for Tav.

“Should I?”

He chuckled as he readjusted himself so he was sitting on the back of her thighs, straddling her. It took every ounce of self restraint he had to not immediately rub her ass. Gods, it always looked so perfect when she walked. He took a deep breath before applying pressure between her shoulder blades. He felt her body tense before slowly relaxing. 

It wasn’t what she expected. Was he giving her a massage? His hands worked slowly from the base of her neck to her waist. And-oh? Did she just moan? 

“It’s alright, my dear, I love hearing you.” He smirked before continuing his work. He continued like that for a few moments, just enjoying the little sounds she was making. “Let's get you out of these clothes, shall we?”

She pushed him off her, rolling on her back and sitting up. “So that’s what this was? Just an excuse to get me naked?” That fire was coming back.

“Darling, if I was trying to get into your pants, I’d try flattering you more first. Unfortunately, it is difficult to get this right over your clothes.” He sat next to her, staring out at the water, just watching the water crash against the coast. “I was taught how to do this a long, long time ago.”

She stared at the rogue before swallowing. The tips of her ears and the back of her neck were flushed. But she did trust him. He would say if this was untoward. Right? With a shaky breath, she sighed but said “Alright.” 

Astarion watched her shaky hands start to untie the little knots holding her bustier. His mouth started to water, but he had patience. As she shrugged the last of her tunic off, she covered her chest and turned the other way. He did manage to lay down her tunic so she wasn’t just laying on the dirt anymore. She laid herself in front of him. He could feel how shaky her breath still was as he climbed on top of her once more. 

He resumed his previous work, addressing the knots in her lower back. The elf’s skin was so soft, so warm. He found himself just getting lost in the feeling of someone trusting him. It was a strange feeling but a welcome one. 

Tav, on the other hand, was getting lost in his touch. His cold hands worked their way up her back and she liked it far more than she thought she would. What started off as little moans slowly became louder. It didn’t help that he was an expert with his hands. And her mind started to trail off to things that were unbecoming of a lady.

But Astarion could feel her thighs clench. No matter how she tried to move without him noticing too much. Gods, he could almost smell her arousal. Over 200 years old and here he was, still trying to keep himself from getting hard. But then she moaned his name. And what little restraint he had disappeared. He put his hands near her head before leaning down towards her ear. “This wasn’t an excuse to see you naked but you are making it very hard to not act on my…baser impulses, my dear.” He felt the shiver go down her spine. 

“Astarion,” she moaned again before grinding back on him. And she got what she wanted when he flipped her on her back without moving from his spot. And there she was, laid out in front of a vampire spawn with her chest bare. She looked up at him with wide eyes, unsure how to go from there. But him? He had far more experience than most. He moved faster than she thought. He captured her lips as he slotted himself between her thighs. And just like that, his hands were everywhere. 

It was like he couldn’t decide where he liked them best. Her throat? Her breasts? Her hips so he could grind against her? He just couldn’t decide. And she tried so hard to keep herself quiet. But then he moved his lips down her neck, his fangs brushing over the still healing marks from the night before. He thought about feeding for a moment, but something far more filling had his attention right now. He moved until he had her nipple in his mouth. Flicking the nub with his tongue, his hand went to massage the other one. He wasn’t gentle. No one that knew Astarion for who he was thought he was a gentle man. It was rough but Tav didn’t seem to mind. 

In fact, Tav seemed to love it. Her back arched into him. “Astarion!” And then her hands were on his shoulders, urging him downwards.

And he didn’t want to fight it. He kept moving, biting and nipping at her stomach. And then he got to her trousers. He sat up, panting and looking wild. His fangs were bared and he was panting hard. He threw her legs on his shoulders, tossing her loafers somewhere behind him. And then he went to work on the knots holding her trousers up. Which he made very quick work of. He shimmied them off her, making sure to keep her underwear on for a moment. He stripped off his shirt before returning to her mouth. 

He needed her. 

“Astarion, please, touch me.”

He was quick to snake his hand towards her cunt. And even quicker to find the spot that made her gasp into his mouth. Gods, he could do this forever. He made his way back to her neck, lapping over those same marks. Her hand tangled itself into his hair and the other gripped his shoulder with far more strength than he expected. His cold hands were a sharp contrast to the warmth of her. Her head was thrown back against the ground as she gasped for air. She was shaking. 

It was already so much for her. She had been so pent up and so angry. But the way he worked her clit? It was a way no one ever had before. Not even herself. In fact, no one had ever touched her like this before. Nothing past shy kisses or heady glances. If she had known, maybe she would have lived her life a little differently. 

But once her back arched and she cried out his name? She clenched around nothing. She felt so empty now and he hadn’t even gotten close yet. He chuckled as best he could, “Already, darling?” he muttered against her neck.

“I-” she gasped once he slid a finger inside her. “Astarion,” his name rolled off her tongue and he swore he wouldn’t mind hearing her do this forever. He could still feel her cunt clench around his fingers and he groaned. He couldn’t wait much longer but she was enjoying herself. “I’ve never-” he curled his finger before adding a second one. 

“You’ve never felt this good before?”

“Done this before,” she managed to gasp out before he curled his fingers again. 

His hands stalled for a moment and she whined. “I’m to be your first?” She nodded, wriggling her hips, trying to will him to move again. “My dear, why didn’t you say anything?” He removed his fingers and she cried out. “Shhh, I have to make a good first impression, don’t I?”

He practically ripped her underwear off. She was a virgin. He couldn’t lie that it made him even harder to think about being the only one who got to touch her. But he had to take care of her if he wanted to be the only one.

He buried his face in her cunt, holding her thighs open with his hands. Tav covered her mouth to hide her cries of his name. But it was his name on her lips. His fingers going right back inside her, where they belonged. His lips on her clit. He groaned again when she came, this time right on his face and hands. He lapped at her for a moment longer and started pistoning his fingers in and out. He couldn’t help but watch her cum make a mess of his fingers. 

“Astarion!” She cried as she came on his fingers yet again. “Please!”

“Please what, my dear?” He wiped her juices off his chin before closing the distance between them. His lips hovered over hers, those red eyes glazed over with a hunger. Her eyes fluttered open. She smiled at him, all too happy to offer herself to him. She bared her neck. And dive he did. His fangs pierced her neck once again as he drank. He knew better than to drink more than his share but he wanted nothing more than to keep drinking as she wrapped her bare legs around his waist and rubbed her cunt against the fabric of his trousers. He released her neck and practically shredded what was left of his clothing. 

He leaned back for a moment, taking in the sight. This elf, a noble from Waterdeep, was laid out before him. Freckles dotting her skin and her blonde hair spread out like a halo before him. It would be angelic if not for the blood slowly trickling out of her neck. “Astarion,” she whispered. Her voice was full of something he couldn’t quite place. Something he had pushed aside a long time ago. 

All he could do was nod before he lined himself up to her. As he slowly slid in, he swore that this was the closest he could get to heaven. 

Astarion wasn’t small. Tav could feel his cock stretching her cunt out. Why did no one ever tell her it could feel like this? She gripped his shoulders and wrapped her legs around him once more. She sighed as he finally finished. “Gods above, you’re amazing.” She whispered, almost too afraid to say it. Too afraid to say the other things on the tip of her tongue. Her eyes traveled down his body to where they were connected before looking back up at him. 

“Shit,” he panted, withholding every emotion that came flooding through him. Instead, he snaked a hand underneath her thigh, lifting it up before he began to thrust.

She thought just having her inside him felt amazing. But this angle had her barely able to breath. She threw her head back and arched into his body. It was all she could do to hold on to him as he upped his pace. Tav could barely gasp out his name as she tried to look at him. His eyes were shut and his hair was more than perfectly tousled. “Beautiful,” was all she could get out before she tightened around his cock. 

“Shit!” He followed closely behind her, seemingly unexpectedly. They laid there for a moment, just feeling each other before he slipped out of her. She cried, a palpable sense of emptiness. He watched her breath for a few moments longer, secretly enjoying his cum starting to drip out of her cunt. Normally, he’d leave. He’d get up, put his clothes back together and leave. But Tav? Something told him he couldn’t. So he grabbed his tunic and wrapped her in it before carrying her to the water. 

He tried not to notice her nuzzling his neck. He tried to ignore the praises she said. He tried desperately to ignore the draw she had on him. He tried to ignore her moan as he set her in the shallow water, gently taking his tunic off her shoulders. Instead, he sat next to her and let the water wash away the previous activities. 

[lifes-line]

In honor of the Adventure Zone and the suffering game coming out soon I’m gonna talk about the moments in The Adventure Zone that got me the most emotional

Obviously spoilers for the Adventure Zone

5. Johann the Bard’s death

This one I think caught the majority of TAZ fans off guard. Whenever an NPC died.. it was always during the events of recovering a grand relic - never after the mission. It’s like-

Johann was here. And then he wasn’t.

And most people grew very attached to Johann during the episodes and arcs of making fun of him, asking if they’re ok with being forgotten, him and his relationship with the Void Fish— and to include this with my number 5

WHEN MAGNUS AT THE END OF THE PODCAST

NAMES HIS FUCKING DOG AFTER JOHANN

OHMYGODDD

4. Meeting Lup

Now- not when Lup was freed from the Umbra-staff and called out her brother for being gay, while that was a funny as fuck moment, that’s not what I’m referring to.

It’s when we cut back to the Stolen Century and we meet Lup officially for the first time. I just remember hearing her speak for the first time and her antics and I remember being like “god.. she’s just like her brother.”

And we get to know her and it’s like- we also find out she is nothing like Taako. She’s more empathetic to people - to strangers- she’s smarter than him(like book smart) , SHES a nerd, she flamboyant and kindhearted and it’s like also-

We’ve known her forever. She was in every single adventure the boys had- she was this overwhelming presence in the entire podcast - from her name burnt into the wall, to “where’d you get that umbrella?”, to flying to Taako’s aid every time he was in trouble— she had always been a character without a name or face to her and then we she is finally formally introduced you just love her instantly.

That’s amazing writing.

3. Arms outstretched

Now this got everyone.

It was such a powerful moment between brothers and between friends- even Griffin didn’t see it coming.

He fully expect them to just let Magnus float off into the astral plane but then they change the entire plot of the story and saved Magnus and brought him back.

Taako and Merle both using a spell slot to bring back their bestfriend. Also foreshadows to their deeper connection back in their stolen century.

The music behind that scene was also fucking phenomenal it was beautiful and I loved it.

2. “You fucking took everything from me”

Ok SO- THIS ONE IS INCREDIBLE- it starts me on the same tangent every time.

In this moment Taako has fully remembered all of the events that happened before Lucretia erased their memories and he is fucking infuriated.

Because if Lucretia had not done it that day- Taako and Barry would’ve found Lup. THINK ABOUT IT - that day they were going to check Wave Echo cave- they would’ve found Lup’s corse and the red robe and the umbrella - Taako would’ve made the connection and Barry would’ve figured it out instantly and Lup would’ve been set free and back.

But because Lucretia did it they never went to WaveEcho cave and they never found her- until a decade later- Taako found her stupid and unknowing - took her umbrella and watched her skeleton decay- AND NOW HE REMEMBERS THIS

And it’s too late to go back to WaveEcho now, the fucking hunger is here and her corpse is long gone, if she was a lich barry would’ve found her by now, and if she was in Phanadalin- it was all glass now - where could she have gone?

Taako is realizing silently what Barry isn’t aware of- Lup was right there. SHE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM- and he couldn’t find her, he couldn’t save her.

In this moment of rage Taako realizes his sister is gone. She’s never coming back. Lucretia took his everything from him.

And it’s all her fault.

1. Magnus’s death

Now. The day I finished TAZ Balance edition, at 9:38PM, I cried myself to sleep. OF COURSE I DID

“HOW DOES MAGNUS DIE?”

SURROUNDED BY HIS LOVED ONES

WITH HIS DOGS

AND MAGNUS FINALLY ENDS HIS ULTIMATE QUEST- HE SEES HIS WIFE IN THE AFTERLIFE

Magnus, rushing in to everything because he ultimately wanted to die a crazed hero so he could see his wife again but still feel like he died doing something worth it just for her, who never loved another ever during his years alive, who turned down the temptation of his own relic because if he was going to see his wife again he wanted her to be proud of him, Magnus Burnsides whose ultimate destination and goal was to see the love of his life again.

And he finally did.

Magnus got the happy ending he truly deserved.

Magnus Burnsides is the most relatable character in all of the Adventure Zone(to me at least) I love and cherished him like he was truly my friend- so when he dies at the end of the podcast I cried like I was grieving a real person.

[gigawatt-conduit]

Last night, I think I realized what made me get so deep in the paint for dimension 20 since watching it in the summer, other than the fact that it’s really dang good

I think it’s doing what I kinda hoped adventure zone would do and tell diverse and fun stories, but at a more consistent pace (and ultimately, more consistent quality) than TAZ and with various different themes. Each of the D20 GMs are good at making things fun and making sure everyone is also having as much fun as they are (I admittedly fell off TAZ w graduation but understand it was kinda rough in this regard, and not sure how earthsea has shaken out)

when D20’s returned to fantasy high and unsleeping city, it feels like it’s because Brennan actually has more stories he wants to tell instead of just needing to fill live shows. the cast of all shows have such incredible chemistry together and their characters are just fantastic

also Stephen Sondheim is a bard with two swords and that’s pretty rad

[whack-patty]

alright everybody here's that devo and caper comic i promised yall

Context below the cut; I had a dream abt a month ago

Devo La Main from TAZ; Ethersea and my dnd oc from this semester named Caper were on a team with a ton of other ppl. They were going on a heist, targeting SOMETHING hidden on a flying (through the air) battleship, kind of like Koda ((sentient and kind of psychic, that vibe)). Devo and Caper specifically were on a team, and they split off from the rest of their group. Those two are both bards with a specialty in like...psychic, mind control and occasionally sound-based magic, so they knew how each other worked well.

Not long after getting on the ship, a red light came on high above everyone---and suddenly Devo turned around and clocked Caper RIGHT in the schnoz

He had a red light glowing right on his forehead and some kinda horrible hate in his eyes and he and Caper threw HANDS

Caper started sloooowly to feel it too. Whatever the red light thing was was charmed-person style just. filling the ENTIRE heist team with hatred towards one another. In the blur of the fight Caper could see the rest of the heist teammates all fighting each other, and not a SINGLE one of them fighting the actual people who worked on the boat.

...she didnt see ANYBODY on the boat who wasnt part of the heist team, actually. hm

anyway Devo and Caper got in a fist fight

Did either of them think to use their cool epic sexy magic powers? No

They just used their tiny little paper bard fists

Good for them tbh

They needed the workout

Anyway at one point Devo tackled Caper so hard they both fell backwards off the boat

And once they were out of range, the Wrath Magic wore off, and now they were just plummeting through the air and TERRIFIED

Dreamlogic likes to do funny things so of course in THIS dream, Devo could both Featherfall (so he did) and could Swim (so he did). While Caper could NOT Featherfall (so she didn't) and could NOT Swim (so she didn't).

When she hit the water, she heard a big voice ask her player to roll on the wild magic table, and. well. I got a bad roll (sorry Caper)

So a ball of lightning started forming in front of her chest, which is VERY EXTRA BAD UNDERWATER

And it did the iron man lazer blast thing and PZCHEWWSWEFJKDS out of nowhere

Caper was still kinda pissed so she tried to aim for Devo (thank gravy)

The rest of the dream was Caper being absolutely c o o k e d and poor Devo trying to swim her to the shore, while in the background the giant boat started to fall towards the ocean

Yeah

Anyway the Final for this class was to draw a comic book cover and two pages out of context of a comic, so I picked two cinematic scenes from the dream :^)

[hahanoiwont]

So I should probably let you know that your post about Johann being a level 35 billion bard lives in my head rent free. Like I am being dead serious when I say I probably think about that post at least once a week. Everytime I listen to taz, read fic about taz, or even think about taz, the fact that Johann has committed horrifying acts of violence against the multiverse, just slaughtered absolutely everything and everyone he possibly could, that knowledge is always right there in mind. So thank you (?) for passing along this incredibly cursed information- I truly believe I will still be thinking about it on my deathbed.

I did not see this ask at the time it was sent but thank you anon. thank you so much. i did so much math for that post (and the accompanying calculation of Johann's violence) and it remains my most glorious achievement to date. I'm so glad you reminded me of this.

[theseventhoffrostfall]

Despite making up 1/13th of the classes you can choose in D&D 5E, Bards are responsible for 75% of my hatred of modern D&D players who are all weird quirky they-them girls who listen to pop punk and used to be tumblr kinnies, now Fire Emblem and Final Fantasy 14 players, who love TAZ and Critical Role and other "totally not scripted" series, and think the height of comedy is derailing everything to hit on everything with a pulse and singing MCR songs because they are just that witty and charming, thinking they're somewhere between Jack Sparrow and Frank Sinatra, and not realizing that outside of the rare socialization they get at anime cons, their behavior is so annoying that any sane player would slit their throat in their sleep.

There's at least a small element of wish fulfilment and escapism to any tabletop game, but whereas the average player is thinking "well, in real life I'm not a sword-swinging, spell-slinging badass with no responsibilities who gets to roam the world with my friends, having adventures, saving the helpless, and getting famous and filthy rich doing it", the average bard player is thinking "well, in real life I'm not constantly at all fucking times the center of attention who gets the fuck whoever I want and 'seduce' my way out of ever facing consequences for anything ". Granted, there's also the element that so many new players learned what a game should look like from watching some scripted live play run by washout thespians, meaning that instead of trying to have fun and help everyone else at the table have fun, they're playing to entertain an audience that isn't there.

It's almost a shame about bards, because while yes a dickhead who prances around casting magic by playing a lute (or a dwarven electric guitar, if the player is both incredibly funny and original) is lame and annoying even before contrasting it with the rest of the party of pulp fantasy action heroes whose other casters are holy zealots and mystical scholars, there is a shred of potential in like, Tolkien-style songs of power or speaking the primal language of creation to produce magical effects, or like a sage, dignified Athenian philosopher type whose "inspiration" mechanic is him weaving his illusion magic into the words of calm, reassuring wisdom he gives his party members, the whole class is so tainted by nonsense both mechanically and by association that I want nothing to do with it

[your-turn-to-role]

people talk a lot about the differences between taz (balance) and cr as if cr is a heavily rule based campaign and taz is just three people goofing off and calling it dnd, which is an opinion i largely disagree with, matt may have more experience as a dm, but both shows value story over game mechanics, both shows take themselves seriously enough to do their job but are lighthearted enough that the players' fun is still the first priority

you can talk about magnus eating the the philosopher's stone, but it's not like the other travis is any less reckless as either grog or fjord, that's his whole thing

merle using planar ally wrong is highly touted as a big example of story being valued over game mechanics, but what about lieve'tel using it as a bonus action to summon a giant raven when she didn't have the necessary components and the spell itself has a ten minute casting time?

justin singlehandedly demonstrated a better understanding of polymorph with the line "taako is concentrating keeping up the spell, and dupree has an intelligence of two" than the entire cr cast had until the moth incident - a good four years into playing 5e

i've seen people joke that matt would instantly ban the use of the flaming poisoning raging sword of doom, but to be fair, it's just a flat +20 slashing damage. which is a lot, sure, but all of the vestiges were far more powerful, especially when you consider that three of the team had sharpshooter and grog had great weapon master meaning they could already take a -5 penalty to their attack in exchange for +10 damage

and matt is notorious for introducing homebrew elements into his campaigns whenever and wherever he can, and he developed whole systems to allow players to break dnd rules for the sake of the story - vax closing a portal to the fire plane by jumping into it with a cloak enchanted with dimension door? that's not how that works. but it was creative, so it did

campaign two's stepped up a bit on the dnd rules but then so has taz's later campaigns, comparing the first campaign of both, they have vastly different styles, but you can't really call one better dnd than the other

i think the biggest difference is that cr is a lot darker? like, it's a hope driven story like taz is, but it doesn't shy away from heavy violence, player characters die frequently, and not everyone gets a happy ending, as opposed to taz where yes, tragic stuff happens, but it's a lot more in the abstract, and it's all resolved for the betterment of everyone eventually. (which, without giving too many spoilers on the recent taz bonus episode, in which matt was dungeon master for the mcelroys, was an interesting tonal clash to play with)

and you know, that's expected when your cast is mostly professional actors vs a comedian family, they're both good ways to tell a story

but also (and now minor spoilers for that episode) the funniest difference is that when matt insists you have to sing (or perform in some way) to be a bard on cr, the rest of the cast is all "scanlan! scanlan! scanlan!" but when matt insists you have to sing to be a bard on taz, the three brothers are immediately like "WHY WOULD YOU LET OUR DAD NEAR MUSIC, YOU MONSTER"

[outofbinaryspace]

Just some thoughts about my fencing experience and TAZ Balance

(Long post by the way and I’m on mobile which means I can’t do a under the cut thing so keep reading if you want)

I started listening to TAZ (the adventure zone) in the summer of 2019

That summer was, not perfect by any means, but I had a lot of fun

I got a grant from my school to research shit

I did well enough at the divisional qualifier (after not having officially competed in a year or two) that I got to fence in Div 2 and 3 at nationals

(I literally spent 2017/18 just doing footwork and being a punching bag at the academy but when I studied abroad, I started fencing again and literally the weekend I got back was the qualifier)

Nationals that year were in Columbus, Ohio

I drove there from my parents place in VA

It was about 6 or 8 hours each way

I had already started TAZ Balance and I think I was a little after the middle of it

So I finished it while on that trip

And I honestly think that the finale, the bard narrating and inspiring everyone to fight, that hope is not lost and that they are indeed legends

That Magnus isn’t dead and him bursting through the door and Lucretia just absolutely overwhelmed that he’s alive and well and here even if he’s angry and hurt by what she’s done

He’s alive and that’s what matters, that’s what’s important

All of that, the boys fighting with Lucretia to help her in her mission to protect not only her dearest friends but the entire world-at one point entirely alone after losing her family

That the final fight she isn’t alone, she’s finally got her family back and she has her friends from the bureau

All these people willing to put their life in her hands knowing this fight could end their lives and deciding it’s worth it

It means so much to me

Even now in the year 2021

I’m tearing up writing this because these guys, the party they were just normal people

They were normal people given an impossible task and out of sheer determination and insistence they did it

Merles refusal to give up on John, to get to know him and the fact that John, at his lowest point, he gives in

He gives in to Merles kindness and gives him the key to defeating the hunger as his final moment before he is destroyed

In his final moment that is what John does, he chooses his friendship with Merle, he realizes his mistakes and he does the only thing he can to destroy himself and the hunger to give Merle and the bureau a chance

Pan acknowledging that Merle’s original Pan isn’t him but saying that Merle is his Merle

Magnus, the fighter extraordinar who had to learn what real strength is and that his life is valuable, that he doesn’t need to throw himself head first into every fight

And Taako, Taako finally finding Lup

Taako finally being reunited with her, the one constant in his life, his twin, his best friend

Because Taako is his own person

But he’s been so alone

Of course that feeling gets pushed away with his friendship with the other two

But it’s still there, still present in the background

And Barry

Barry who has been looking for so long

Barry who knows who they are, what Lucretia has done

Barry who has spent so much time trying to find lup, his friends, to convince them he isn’t the enemy

Who must’ve driven himself insane trying to get his family and his partner back

The boys were constantly overwhelmed but they did it, they made it through to the other side and found their happy endings

And that helped me deal with nationals

I was starstruck at just the vast amount of people, vendors, even all of the strips

I had to get a new lame and mask (I got there the day before my first event) and was passive aggressively insulted by the two ladies at the vendor (I’m on the heavier side, not at all what the stereotypical fencer looks like)

I was hurt by that but I let it go and moved on to get my stuff checked

The epee coach/owner of the academy coached me and the other foilists because our coach couldn’t make it

My nationals before this

I broke down after I didn’t make the cut and he took me on a walk (to get me away from my family who dont know how to shut up) and he just talked me through it

I told him that I felt like I was in a million pieces, shattered to hell because I thought that would be my defining moment that I’d get a medal that I would prove that he and my coach hadn’t wasted their time and resources teaching and training me and I felt that I had screwed up so badly that they were going to be so disappointed in me

And he listened and he basically said there will be more tournaments, more chances, more opportunities

He said the only way to disappoint him or my coach was if I gave up

If I stopped trying

If I stopped caring

This time I didn’t make the cut

But I was able to smile and joke and laugh it off

Because I knew I probably wouldn’t make it

And it reminded me of all the times the boys messed up

All the times they had to keep pushing forward in the aftermath

When their consequences caught up with them

But they never failed

Because

They never gave up

And that is why they’re legends

[utilitycaster]

Tangentially related to your Sorcerer comments (and I know I'm not the first to say it) I think Sorcerer is a better multi-class mixer than stand-alone class. Meta magic with a Bard, Warlock, or Cleric is just *chef's kiss* And especially if the Sorcerer influence happens as a result of something in-game. So instead of being born into it without agency, it's the result of f-ing around and finding out with powerful magic or other-planar/ powerful beings.

Here's the thing: there is a class that is about fucking around and finding out with extraplanar and/or powerful beings and it's called warlock and it's better.

I do like sorcerer multiclasses and I agree it stacks very well mechanically, but actually the two characters who come to mind do not fit the above mold, story wise. One discovers they're a sorcerer early on, and that is the only power she has in an otherwise disadvantaged situation (Saccharina from A Crown of Candy, whose sorcery let her escape the orphanage, openly worship a banned deity, and become the leader of a rebellion). The other has the influence happening later, coming out of nowhere, and being pretty much wholly unwanted to start (Fitzroy from TAZ: Graduation, who just wanted to be a knight but then the wild magic happened).

I guess what I'm saying is that I am going to jokingly vibe check sorcerers but that doesn't mean there aren't good reasons to play one, and if you've done so, at least fucking own it. I mentioned at the start that I still like a lot of sorcerer characters, and there are still valid reasons to pick it. If you want to use metamagic with cleric spells just play a cleric and take the metamagic feat early on, but if you want to tell a story of someone who was chosen by a god because of their bloodline or a prophecy, not because of their faith and devotion, then yeah I think a divine soul sorcerer is a great idea. I think sorcerer can be a way to explore power and privilege in D&D, and who you are fundamentally vs. what you choose to do. I've always thought that a partial Watsonian explanation for why D&D settings tend to be relatively egalitarian is that deep down everyone knows that sorcerers are rare but they truly could come from anywhere.

I should finally add that I love mechanics/D&D class questions so this isn't to discourage it but also like...I want to assure everyone that I think sorcerers have the worst vibes of all the D&D classes and I'm not terribly into the mechanics, but I never said I didn't like them. They're not my favorite but I think you can find a good story behind pretty much any D&D build, and I think the best stories don't necessarily come from deliberate subversion of those archetypes but rather more subtly playing with them.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

going back to your d&d rambling for everyone's favourite dysfunctional family, I have a question:

you have Alcina as a cleric or paladin/bard. as a cleric, what would her domain be? as a paladin/bard, what would her oath/college be?

I think she'd be a death domain cleric, an oath of the crown paladin/college of whispers or college of eloquence bard

Whelp, I've been caught empty-handed. I haven't actually played enough D&D to answer this question without a lot of googling. Most of my D&D experience comes from listening to podcasts (TAZ is my fave). I've got a lil bit of experience with other table top games, as a GM. Anyway, I did google some stuff, and here's what I've decided:

Death domain feels like it might be "too evil" for Alcina's character, since she's presenting herself as a little bit more heroic than she is Village's story. From that, I'd probably advocate for either Forge domain (emphasis on her ability to Tank, since she's a dragon) or Light domain (she likes to be in control, and this domain seems to allow for some battlefield manipulation). Again, this is based on some stuff I googled, so I could be very blatantly wrong, sorry.

Oath of the Crown absolutely fits my image of Alcina and how she'd want to play (tanking for her poor squishy daughters), but I could also see her go for Oath of Conquest for its control aspects. Which she'd go with would probably be determined by what direction the rest of the party moves in.

Bard would be Alcina's secondary class (or whatever the term is), so she'd lean into the support side of it, as opposed to the offensive side. Which seems to track, based on what I've read. College of Eloquence does seem like a good fit for that. However, Alcina does constantly taunt her enemies (namely Ethan and Heisenberg), so College of Lore for that Cutting Words ability would also make sense.

[its-a-nickname]

hello lovely taz fans if you have not watched galavant please do yourself a favour and check it out

its 2 seasons, written like a dnd campaign where everyone everyone has at least one bard level and a negative intelligence modifier

theres a princess w a sword, an idiot king, an idiot hero, and evil queen, a dragon!

its good idk how else to sell this to you pls watch

[homestuckexamination]

what do you think of hs2's most recent update calling maid a passive class? i think it makes sense, even though i was under the assumption it was active before like everyone else. i believe it's counterpart is heir, which is actually active. i know OD says knights and pages are "serve", but i think the entire category i have dubbed the power category has a theme of serving/control. prince & heir (active) are served by their aspects, maid and bard (passive) serve their aspects. (1/2)

(2/2) i mean, gamzee's entire character is him serving LE, right? also this would mean that maid inverts to prince and heir inverts to bard, which i think also makes sense thematically. john and gamzee both have themes of being tricksters, etc. everyone ignores the names of the actual classes and thinks they're arbitrary when they're not? i think the other two categories are "courage" (knight/page & rogue/thief) and "wisdom" (mage/seer & sylph/witch = change). (sorry, i have a bit more to say-)

(3/3 sorry) i myself am a sylph, and i think "change" fits heal a lot better than "create". healing implies changing something that already exists, not creating something new! the wisdom category has a theme of guiding and helping with what they know. and then courage has a theme of bravado-- playing up their confidence and bravery way too hard. also! "the other wielding it's aspect like a honed blade" fits what aradia said about knights a million years ago on hs page /4364 a million years ago.

sorry for the ask spam and thanks for your patience! 

No problem at all! Truth is, though? There’s a million different ways to interpret Classpects, as you said,’ Change’ could fit the Healer stereotype a bunch, though both Maids and Sylphs have been shown as Healers more than any other Classes. Maid-Heir was what I believed in myself before running into Taz’s analysis! And similarly there’s potential precedent for Maid being Active or Passive. It’s all a big tangled web of tendencies, power stuff and thematic references, and you can find and connect dots for a bunch of them for sure.

I love that we’re getting more Class info! Even if it breaks my own headcanons and ideas, I absolutely want to hear what the canon Hussie Classpecting Stuff is, but I have two issues with the current revelation. The first is that, we’ve already talked about a Muse being closer to a Witch than a Sylph, and now this- If we’re going to keep getting Classpect hints, I may simply let HS^2 update for a while before piecing together the new information, instead of shooting blindly at potential theories that could be shot down next update. Not that I dislike it, but considering it seems to be something they’re pushing for, I’m more interested in seeing what they show us than trying to anticipate it!

The second issue of course stems from what I’ve already mentioned before. The wording of the sentence is vague in such a way that you could find precedent for it talking about both a Passive Maid, and also an Active One, considering Knights to be ‘Servants’, and using the reference of the Blade as intentional misdirection. So on top of, New Canon Class Info, we mix vague wording, and suddenly we’re back at square one of not having solid enough confirmation. X3

So for now I’m keeping the idea in mind, but waiting for a more blunt confirmation of Class Stuff! Maybe even... A Quiz. 👀

[cranehusbands]

Apex Legends dnd au!

I’ve seen a lot of people talk about apex and dnd, so I decided that I should finally talk about mine a little bit!

For context: I based this au on the idea that it’s a game the legends would play in the off season, with Pathfinder DM’ing (his interest in human culture would lead him into the TTRPG phenomenon, and in this sense he’d get really excited to play and make characters for all his friends!). The main, initial party is Wattson (it’s something her and her papa took interest in before he passed), Wraith (because of her lack of memories about her past, she’s willing to try anything), Crypto (he and Mila enjoyed watching d&d/ttrpg streams, think like TAZ and Critical Role), Caustic (it’s an interest of his) and Bloodhound (never played, but likes the idea of high fantasy). Pathfinder eventually ropes everyone else in too. (Sorry for the length, I’m on mobile)

Bangalore - Anita Graycastle, Human Fighter (Champion subclass). Probably multiclasses later on to fighter/paladin under Makoa’s training. A royal soldier who has become disillusioned with the crown and eventually decides to defect and join the party of Legends. She’s the youngest of three brothers, all knights as well.

Bloodhound - Simply known as Bloth, a (Wildhunt variant) Shifter (Hunter Conclave) Ranger. Possibly later multiclasses into druid. Kicked out of their clan in the forest, at first Bloth’s encounter with the Legends is only to benefit the both of them, but a close bond with Natalié makes them stay, and learn the wonders of life outside the forest. They are y’all, quiet and intimidating, but their affinity for animal handling makes them a sweetheart among the party.

Caustic - Alexander Salvador Amblecrown, Human Artificer (Alchemist). Royal scientist, he knows all the of the dark secrets that the kingdom hides, but keeps it close to his chest. Eventually warming up to the legends (especially fellow royal scientist Natalié), he defects from his mission to the crown and instead chooses to play medic to this band of misfits he calls his new family.

Crypto - Tae, Human Rogue (Arcane Trickster). Possibly multiclasses later to rogue/warlock or rogue/wizard. He considers his name like a currency to be exchanged, and is incredibly closed off and secretive, seemingly only sticking around the Legends for his own profit, which is information on the whereabouts of his adoptive sister, a tiefling named Mila, who was taken prisoner by the crown and supposedly hasn’t been seen since. However, he is not immune to found family.

Gibraltar - Makoa, Brass-scale Dragonborn Barbarian (Path of the Totem Warrior). Later a Barbarian/Paladin. A town guard for one of the smaller towns in the county, he’s married to the baker in town and they’re very much in love, raising their daughter Cecelia together. When the Legends are investigating a lycanthropy-related problem nearby, he joins for a bit to help investigate and protect his town, later joining full time.

Lifeline - Ajay ‘Ashes’ Chebara, Fire Genasi Cleric (War Domain). Later a cleric/warlock. Sister to Octavio, they’re a double act of petty thieves, though she’s more the smooth talker to get the two out of trouble. She cares a lot for the people around her, and only cons to survive.

Mirage - Elliot ‘Mirage’ Nightflower, Eladrin half-elf Bard (College of Lore). A travelling entertainer specialising in storytelling, despite his nervous disposition. He struggles to find a balance between his persona and his true self, and puts his neck on the line for anyone nice enough to pay the real Elliot any mind. Due to his eladrin blood, the tips of his hair change colour with the seasons, and in spring flowers bloom!

Octane - Octavio ‘Earfquake’ Silver, Earth Genasi Warlock (Archfey). A reckless young man with bone legs (think like... prosthetics but it’s like dinosaur fossils), and brother to Ajay. He’s the real criminal of the two - stealing from almost everyone, including his noble family, who he doesn’t care much for (and they don’t care about him in turn.) His patron, a mischievous fey, does no favours for his impulse control.

Pathfinder - Marvin the Wayseeker, Warforged (Envoy) Paladin (Oath of Devotion). A noble robot in search of the man who made him, he’s the designated leader of the Legends, and often the peacemaker that keeps them together. While his optimism can be unnerving, he’s the light that shines the group onward to wherever they may find answers.

Revenant - Revenant, Warforged (Skirmisher) Rogue (Assassin). Later becomes a rogue/blood hunter. A human man formerly known as Benjamin Hammond, bounty hunter for hire, he was the product of arcane experimentation into ventures of the human soul and spirit, taking it from one creature and binding it to another (think FMA style). He does not care for kindness, nor hospitality... but this party suits him just fine.

Wattson - Natalié Stormbringer, High Elf Sorcerer (Storm Sorcery). Another royal scientist, having gained natural arcane ability on one terrible stormy night as a young girl, she joins the Legends to better understand her powers and also find out the secret behind the death of her father Luc, who she has come to suspect didn’t die of natural causes. She, like Marvin, is the peacekeeper, and her smile and comments (and sometimes her naivë nature) are enough to terminate any tension.

Wraith - Reneé Brightwood, Fallen Aasimar Monk (Way of Shadow). Later monk/rogue. An amnesiac who woke up in the middle of the forest, Reneé (calling herself things along the lines of ‘ghost’ or ‘phantom’ for the longest time - until she is recognised by a former colleague...) seeks to learn who she is, and the truth behind her missing memories, planning to take them back - by force, if she has to. She, like Bloth, is tall and quiet, but is not immune to silly moments

[zai-doodles]

Podcats recs

The adventure zone - brother play dnd with their dad and its funny as hell, story picks up around the 3rd arc but it maintains it humor throughout and it's just fucking amazing

Wolf 359 - these r the audio diaries of doug eiffle on the USS hephaestus, hes a lazy communication officer who is bffs with the ships ai, hera, and I love her sm. Podcast is super funny and light hearted then it kicks u in the feels bc fuck u. Its amazing though and I would holy heartedly reccomend it

The bright sessions- ok soooo imagine the x men in therapy??? So these r the audio logs of dr. Bright, shes a therapist who specializes in kids and adults with powers trying to live normal live by helping them cope with their abilities and teaching them to control them. This one is super cute and funny and great and one of the leading romances is a gay couple and I'm here for it. Plot is amazing and yes

The penumbra podcast - ok so imagine a detective noire black and white style film... on mars.... and gender doesnt exist... and everyone is bi.... and its amazing. Ok so u follow juno steel, a independent detective on mars who's a fucking bisexual disaster who cant catch a break. This one is a bit on the heavier side but still has its moments and its story and characters r so amazing and yes

Deadly manners - this one is short, its basically a who done it murder mystery thing and while cheesy it's very entertaining and funny throughout! Also very very gay

Archive 81- Ahh hhh ok ok so I have no idea how to explain this but basically it's a horror podcast that starts out following the recordings of this dude named Dave who is tasked with archiving some sketchy tapes for this sketchy company and the tapes have some really fucked up shit on them and then things happen and magic is real and it sucks cuz now u gotta give this payphone ur left hand.... it's really good but very dark and a lil confusing but the third season is so amazing and the ending of the second season is a trip and I love it sm

Girl in space - this girl has been left alone on a giant ship with nothing but an AI to keep her company for years, then all of a sudden she has guest and she must adapt and it's funny as hell and I love all of them so much ah

Bombarded - this is a dnd podcast abt 3 bards attending board school and it's super silly and fun and the music is awesome, the plot is still in the works since it's just sorta picking up but it's a fun listen!

Directive - this one is short, it's a man who loses his job and is unable to find a new one so he takes a job as a care taker for rich ppl on a ship who r all taking a virtual vacation, the only problem being that he cant have any human physical interaction with anyone during his time on the ship. This one just made me cry oops, it's funny as hell at the beginning and then crying

Time bombs - another short one, 3 eps of just some bomb squad peeps doing their job on new years eve, this one is super funny and great and I love it so much and I need more of it now

The strange case of starship iris - ok ok lesbians in space. Yes. So violet liu is in a very shitty situation on a ship in space all by herself with little chance of survival until a woman on another ship makes contact with her and helps her out big time... but is she helping???? This one is super funny and all the characters r super fun and just ahh, it's short and updated whenever it wants but it's worth a listen! And also the government is watching ur every move. It's also gay

The far meridian- the story of peri, an agoraphobic woman who's home one day starts moving some where new every day when she wakes up. She has no control where she winds up but sees it as a chance to search for her brother. She makes friends along the way and slowly learns to understand people and learn their stories then fucking some mind thing shows up and starts fucking with her and it makes me so sad. And more gay

The blood crow stories- in its third season on going, this show is split in three separate stories. Season one focuses on a college student working on his final paper by doing an analysis of some old tapes he found of a boat that sunk in the early 1900s and also demons exist somehow and things take a turn so fast I just ahh. It's also super gay. Season two follows sheriff isaac of blackwell, set in American wild west, hes hunting a killer that seems to be targeting men in his town but things get complicated when they realized the killer has an army. This one is also gay. Season three is in a futuristic syfy setting following a hacker who works at an emergency hotline service, she starts getting freaked out by calls she gets at work and other strange happenings in her life. This too, is gay.

The message- NASA found an indecipherable message, determined to be from space, and assigns a team of scientists to figure out what it means. You follow a woman whose documenting the whole thing on her weekly podcast but things get complicated when they find out the reason no one could decipher the message

Life after- a man who's wife recently died is obsessed with her old social media, voice tree. He listens to all of her posts on loop and has memorized most of them. So what happens when it goes off script. This show is incredibly chilling and amazing, its incredibly sad yet impactful and made me cry help

Arcs pod- a dnd podcast in that's very similar in humor and style to taz with the production and editing of the bright sessions. The show centers around 3 idiots trying to get to this school. The npcs r all wonderful and then dm does an amazing job of setting up scenes and making each npc feel like a well rounded character. And gay

The Amelia project- hey ever wanna fake ur own death??? Well then Amelia project has got u covered as long as u can pay and have a good story to tell. This show is recordings of interviews with people explaining why they want to fake their own death and the explanations range from crazy cults to feeling like a background character! This show is extremely light hearted and fun. Fairly easy listen and its over the top humor and concepts are incredibly entertaining.

[grasslandgirl]

eldonado + dnd podcast au 😌

anLITCHRALLY mary @sasharchivists were talking about an av dnd ayu where they were all in a campaign together..... the eldonado hivemind is REAL

1) ok here’s the line up:

peter is the DM

sam is a bard, probably really loud and chaotic- its the gay theatre kid representation we deserve (probably a teifling cause. again. gay theatre kid)

dylan is a fighter who gets WAY TOO into the rp like. two episodes in and surprises everyone with a really in depth and lovely character arc, think Magnus Burnsides from TAZ or Fabian from the second season of fantasy high!! (is this just my love for dylan maxwell jumping through? absolutely. will i stop? absolutely not)

gabi is a magic user!! probably a wizard

jenna is ALSO a magic user, but a warlock or a sorceror for the Style and the Energy

kevin plays a rogue who is. so edgy for the first few episodes and then just. super loves his friends!!!

demarcus plays a barbarian but with the style and CHA levels of a bard cause that’s just demarcus

2) then a few episodes in, they drag chloe into the show to play a cleric bc after their first big battle like half the party almost dies and they realize Oh Shit We Need A Cleric and chloe is the only one willing to play with them, given how chaotic the group is

3) peter is super cinematic in his narrations and has. so many meta plots and sub arcs going above all of their heads and is just. quietly irritated when they ignore his plot bunnies and bemused at their antics

4) jenna and sam’s characters are both REALLY flirty. with npcs, with antagonists, with pcs. gabi and peter both think its hysterical- especially when jenna and sam’s characters flirt with EACH OTHER- and peter quietly loves it when sam’s character flirts with peter’s npcs uwu

5) i feel like after they finish the campaign they decide to switch around who the dm is so peter can have a chance to play as a pc for the next campaign, and there’s a lot of campaigning from fans for sam or kevin to DM but to everyone’s surprise, it’s dylan who DM’s the next full campaign; and his idea for the campaign? a whodunnit

send me an au idea (and a pairing!) and ill give you 5 head canons :))

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

A Summary of Critical Role, by someone who has never watched (or listened) to it.

Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me. It’s me, the gal that did the terrible summary of TMA and the terrible summary of TAZ and now I’m back with a terrible summary of Critical Role. 

I know almost nothing about this show aside from fanart that I’ve seen, so bear in mind that this is wild speculation. My best friend loves Critical Role. I’m going to send this link to him and he’s going to text me in all caps “HG WHAT HAVE YOU DONE”. 

So. This show is like The Adventure Zone. It’s made up of two DND campaigns, all acted out by the same people, featuring different storylines. The difference between TAZ and CR is that CR isn’t just a podcast - it’s a YouTube series too. Each video is three hours long, which is just insane because there’s absolutely nothing I can focus on for three hours long, and I say this as a Netflix-loving-writer who currently attends college. Maybe if you watch it at 2x speed it would be bearable?

All of the players are voice actors from TV shows such as Steven Universe, some webcomic fandub, Anime, Another Anime, something something cartoon network, and Edgy Independent Youtube Voiceover; no one quite knows where his fame came from, but he now lends his voice to various projects and is a big deal in some niche online community. 

Critical Role introduces a visual element to the campaigns, with each player dressing up as their character. If you listen to the podcast version you miss out on this. There are also sets and props, but of course, it’s DND, so no staging. The set I see the most gifs of looks like A Midsummer’s Night Dream and it was really pretty. Flowers everywhere. 

I don’t know anything about the first campaign and I’m sort of convinced none of you people claiming to be CR fans know anything about it either, so instead we’ll talk about the second campaign. It is called The Mighty Nein, because there are nine of them, but nein is German for no, and this is funny since they’re a gang of troublemakers, so people are always just shouting “No!” at them. It’s a found family dynamic. I’m a slut for those. 

There’s everyone’s favorite character, Molly. He’s a tiefling with purple skin and red eyes, with curly hair and curlier horns that swoop suggestively from his prominent purple forehead as if to allude to how hot he is, somehow. He leaves his shirt unbuttoned most of the time. You’re all really thirsty for this lad, but he’s gay for a red-haired lumberjack guy that wears a manbun and a flannel and looks like a major himbo. I trust himbo guy. I think Molly dies. 

(I’m not sure if Molly is non-binary, because it’s hard to tell if a post is someone alluding to canon or just offering a headcanon, so if I’m using the wrong pronouns for him I’m very sorry. Same for any other characters.)

Molly has a sister, or maybe a cousin, named Jester, but her skin is blue. She’s a bard. Molly’s class is mage - or maybe wizard - and his boyfriend’s class is himbo. Jester has a girlfriend, who is cute and blonde and probably someone I’d try to hit on in a bar. Wait, maybe that’s the girlfriend from TAZ Amnesty. Please stop following each other around to the same fandoms. It confuses me. 

There’s also this little goblin girl with bandages all over her face and I absolutely adore her even though I know nothing about her. She is a rogue. Probably a thief. I get thief vibes from her. She is anxious about most things except for when she’s stabbing someone, which is often. She’s very very adorable. 10/10 character design. 

Other characters include: the token dwarf character, probably a halfling, and I’m sure there’s some brash fighter man who hopefully is played by a woman to undermine how annoying he is. I have no idea what the plot is. They’re thieves and they break in somewhere to steal things. Wait a second, is this Six of Crows? Is this just Six of Crows in a less steampunk era and with three extra people? Goddamit. Now I have to watch this show.

I shall now wait for my best friend to text me.