#it’s so easy to hate being short and I’ve done it for as long as I’ve known I was

[katnisspeetaprim]

Father Figure

Lucifer Morningstar/Platonic!TeenReader

Summary: You'd had a hard time in the sort while you'd been alive, so when your new boss shows you kindness like you've never seen, you can't help but be suspicious...

Warnings: Platonic relationship, teenage fem reader, implied drug use, implied sex work, implied underage sex, dead beat parents, assault, swearing, panic attack, crying, angst, fluff A.N; not sure if I will write a part 2 yet, see how this does!

Word Count: 3102 Hazbin M.list

Hell was a scary place for someone like you. Being a teenager in Hell was less than ideal.

Your parents were useless, always too coked out of their minds to care for you, so you left.

Due to your unfortunate circumstances, you had to resort to some... less than kosher means to survive. It was awful, but it’s all you could do.

One night, one of your clients wouldn’t take no for an answer so when you tried to fight back, things went bad for you.

So here you were.

Luckily, under princess Morningstar’s new work programme, all new sinners would be provided with a job to get them started, if they accepted the help that is. And that’s how you came to be the King of hell’s live in maid.

You’d finally found your way to the mansion, after getting lost multiple times. You felt somewhat intimidated as you stood before the large doors. It just now hit you that you’d be working for the devil himself. The thought made your blood run cold. Why would they give such a high profile job to someone like you? Maybe because you wouldn’t be able to cause any trouble? Either way you couldn’t back out now.

Swallowing back your nerves, you raised a hand and knocked on the door.

Almost immediately the door swung open to reveal a short man, who seemed a little too keen to interact with you.

‘Why hello there! Something I can help you with?’... Was he waiting by the door?

‘I uh- I was told to come here to work?’ You handed him your work certificate, and he quickly scanned it over before breaking out into a smile.

‘Wow! I didn’t expect to get someone so soon!’ It was only after Lucifer read the paper, did he properly look at you. His smile faltered slightly.

‘Uh sorry to be blunt, but you look a little... young?’

‘Well I’m 16.’ You laughed nervously. ‘Is that not ok? I promise I’ll be a good worker!’ Lucifer frowned deeply at your sudden panicked rambling.

It wasn’t uncommon for people to die young, but to end up in Hell?

He knew Earth could be a terrible place, but what could you have done at such a young age to end up here.

‘No no! Just me thinking out loud haha.’ Lucifer quickly backtracked. ‘Please come in.’ He moved to allow you to pass by, now smiling again. You entered, realising you were only slightly shorted than him as you passed by.

Maybe working for the Devil wouldn’t be as scary as you thought.

‘You have no idea how long I’ve needed a maid. I hate cleaning!’ He sighed out dramatically.

Over the coming months, you’d settled well into your job. You suppose you had it easy when it came to jobs in Hell. Cleaning was pretty easy.

Lucifer mostly left you to your own devices, thinking you wouldn’t want to hang out with an old man like him, but that didn’t mean he didn’t make an effort with you.

The first time he approached you in the middle of the day, was to gift you a mobile phone.

‘Hey!’ He slid up to you out of nowhere, making you jump out of your skin. ‘Realised you don’t have a phone! Can’t check in if you don’t have one of those!’ You weren’t used to receiving gifts with no strings attached, But Lucifer didn’t seem to have ulterior motives, so you tentatively accepted.

‘Oh! I’ll even give you my daughters number! You two will get on like a house on fire!’

Another encounter was on an evening. Lucifer was finishing up his supper, when he aught sight of you scurrying round the foyer. He called out for you to come over.

‘Have you eaten yet? It’s getting pretty late...’ You couldn’t help but feel touched that he was seemingly looking out for you.

‘I still have a lot to do... I’m a little behind today...’ You trailed off, worried about being scolded for being tardy.

‘Nonsense! Please join me, there’s way too much for just me anyway.’ Lucifer insisted, jumping up and pulling a chair out for you.

‘Are you sure that’s ok?’ You asked, still a little reserved of his kindness.

‘Of course! Always happy for the company.’

Lucifer could read you like a book. He knew you were still nervous and skeptical of him, but he couldn’t blame you. He still didn’t know the circumstances for you to end up in Hell, plus you were so young, it would take a lot to trust.

Even though you worked for him, Lucifer couldn’t help but feel protective of you.

One of the more recent incidents, was when you got hurt.

The house chef was running out of ingredients, so he asked you to run out and grab them. You happily agreed since you didn’t really have any reason to leave the house otherwise.

Ok. Maybe you’d gone a little over bored, you thought as you juggled the heavy bags in your arms.

‘Hey baby! Need some help with those?’ You looked over and saw a group of 3 men leering at you. You smiled nervously and said ‘ No thank you.’ Before turning round, hoping to get away without any trouble.

‘Hey do you know who your talking to? Don’t be rude!’ One of the men grabbed your arm, causing you to drop your bags.

‘Don’t touch me!’ You screamed out, trying to pry your arm from his grip.

‘We were just offering to walk you home lady, but if you want to get down here, that’s fine by us.’ The second man sneered at you with a smirk as he grabbed your face hard.

Your eyes widened at his words. You were now struggling even more, to no avail. The final man cam up behind you and grabbed your other arm in an attempt to keep you still.

‘Stop struggling will ya!’ The man in front of you spat out, shaking you by the arm. He shook you so violently, that the long sleeve of your dress began to rip. You took advantage of this. Pulling your arm back so hard, your sleeve came off in his hand.

The attacker behind you hadn’t been expected you to fall backwards, so he lost his grip on your arm, giving you just enough time to book it in the direction of Lucifer’s home.

You could hear them running and shouting after you, but you didn’t look back. It wasn’t far now. You just had to make it back to the house and you’d be safe.

Bursting through the main doors, you immediately fell to your knees and cradled your head in your hands as you hyperventilated.

‘Y/N!? What the Hell happened?’ Lucifer had heard the slam of the door so he came out to investigate. He hadn’t expected to find you having a panic attack in his entrance hall.

He was kneeling by your side in an instant, placing a comforting hand on your back. As he looked closer at you, he saw that your sleeve was ripped, with a bruise forming round your wrist. When you looked up at him with wide, teary eyes he also clocked some bruises on your jaw.

Lucifer’s eyes immediately darkened.

‘’m sorry I-I lost the groceries...’ You stuttered out with a shaky voice.  Lucifer’s face immediately contorted.

‘Y/N I don’t give a damn about the groceries! I want to know who did this to you.’ Lucifer was aware of how angry he sounded, but he was honestly offended that you thought he cared more about some groceries than you.

You cowered slightly at his raised voice and Lucifer felt bad. He took a deep breath to calm down before speaking again, much more softly this time.

‘Please Y/N, I need to know who did this.’

You looked up to him and you could see the genuine concern in his eyes. You tried your best to get your sobs under control so you could speak.

‘There was a-a group of three rough looking guys not far from here...’ Lucifer groaned internally. He knew exactly who you were talking about.

They were a group that had been causing trouble round the are for a while now, but he never had a good enough reason to get rid of them... Until now.

Lucifer stood and extended a hand to you with a smile. You hesitantly took his hand and he helped you to your feet.

‘Go get cleaned up ok? I gotta go out for a while.’ He ushered you towards your room.

‘Ok...’ You trailed off sadly.

‘Great!’ Lucifer grinned widely at you as he opened a portal. He stepped through before leaning his head back out to address you.

‘And I don’t want to see you doing house work when I get back, kay?’ he tipped his hat before dashing back through. Then the portal closed.

‘Evening gentlemen.’ The three men from earlier swiftly jumped up from their card game, to see Lucifer leaning up against the wall, blocking the exit to the alley. They all immediately shrunk back when they saw it was him.

‘oh your majesty... What brings you to our hideout?’ Lucifer started to slowly walk into the alley, never tearing his eyes away from the men, making them even more on edge.

‘Uh-sir?’

‘So you think it’s fun to assault kid’s huh?’ Lucifer spoke in an eerily calm voice. The men looked at each other, now sweating profusely.  They all immediately tried to deny the accusations, but Lucifer wasn’t having it.

‘Keep your filthy mouths shut!’ His demonic form began manifesting as his anger grew. ‘You dare lay your hands on someone I care about!?’

The men were no longer tough bullies, but now reduced to a quivering mass with their backs to the wall as Lucifer stalked forwards.

A smirk appeared on his face as he narrowed his eyes at the men.

‘What do you say I give a demonstration of how Hell got it’s reputation?’

Screams echoed from the alley. People knew better than to intervene.

Lucifer returned home not much later, making a bee line for your room straight away.

He was about to knock on your door, when he heard faint crying coming from the other side.

He looked down remorsefully. Maybe he shouldn’t have left you alone. He composed himself and knocked. The sobs went quiet and he heard a meek, ‘come in.’

As he entered, he noticed you’d changed from your maid outfit and now wore your pyjamas and dressing gown.

‘Hey Y/N, you feeling any better?’ He came to sit next to you with a comforting smile.

‘I guess so...’ You replied, though the defeated look was still evident on your face.

‘Well golly! I have something to turn that frown upside down!’ You were startled by his sudden energetic proclamation. ‘Ta-da!’ He pulled a small duck from his coat pocket and proudly presented it to you.

You looked over the duck, which had obviously been made to resemble you by giving it some of your features.

As you looked at the little yellow duck, something inside of you snapped. Without warning, you batted the duck from his hand and jumped up in a fury, scowl painted across your face.

‘Why are you acting like you care about me!?’ Lucifer jumped up as if you’d burnt him, his hands out in front of him as a peaceful gesture. He was stunned at your sudden outburst.

‘Y/N, I don’t thi-‘

‘Don’t try and lie to me! Nobody’s ever cared about me!’ You cut him off. You were getting more irate as you broke down into hysterics again.

Lucifer didn’t know what to say. He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t find the words to speak.

When he didn’t answer, it only made you more angry.

‘What do you want from me!?’ You screamed at him, tears flowing down your face. ‘Is it sex? Is that what you want from me, just like everyone else!?’

Lucifer audible gasped at your outburst and took a step back to show he meant no harm.

‘Whoa kid! I don’t want anything from you! Especially not...’ Lucifer couldn’t bring himself to say it. Everything began to fall into place for him now. So that’s what you had to do back on Earth.

He was angry that you accused him of being that disgusting, but not at you. He could never hate you. He was angry that there were people on Earth that thought it was ok to take advantage of a child like that.

You froze in place. The way he was keeping his distance, the way he was making himself look small so as to not intimidate you... Then there was his eyes. They were sad.

They bore into you, as if he were pleading with you to believe him. He wasn’t lying.

Your eyes stung with tears and your face heated up as you looked away, embarrassed by your outburst.

Lucifer wanted to comfort you, but he also didn’t want to spook you, so you needed to make the first move.

You mumbled something under your breath he couldn’t quite hear.

‘I uh, didn’t catch that...’ You squinted your eyes and let out a shaky breath, as if hyping yourself up to repeat what you had said.

You looked him dead in the eye, face hard as you repeated yourself.

‘I said I wish I were your daughter! My life would have been so much better.’

Lucifer was gobsmacked. He really hadn’t been expecting that. When he really thought about it he realised he shouldn’t be that surprised at all. He knew you had to have a rough life, and with how welcoming and caring he’d been to you, he should have know something like this would manifest.

The more Lucifer thought it over, the bigger his hear swelled. You thought so highly of him, that you wanted him to be your dad, or fatherly figure at least.

It seemed that Lucifer took a few moments too many to digest this information, as you turned away from him abruptly. He could see you shaking.

‘I’m sorry....’ You whispered.

Lucifer was snapped back to reality by your voice. You were clearly still upset, but he couldn’t stop the smile from spreading  across his face.

He made his way over to you and gingerly placed a hand on your shoulder, so as to not startle you, but you still flinched at the contact.

‘Y/N... You’ve nothing to be sorry for.’ Lucifer spoke so softly that it took you off guard. You couldn’t see his face, but you could tell by the tone of his voice that he was smiling.

‘It wasn’t till recently that I repaired my relationship with Charlie.’ You were rooted to the spot as you listened intently to what he was saying. ‘ I wasn’t there for a long time, and I truly regret how much time I missed with her.’ Your face was cast down as you hung onto every word.

You felt so stupid bringing this up. He already had a daughter that he loved, so you would just get in the way. Maybe this was his way of letting you down gently.

Lucifer moved to stand next to you, with his arm now across your shoulders. As you looked up to him, you were stunned to see him smiling. You almost passed out at his next words.

‘But maybe I can be there for you.’ More tears started to stream down your face, but this time they were tears of joy. For the first time in a long time, you felt truly happy.

Flinging your arms round his torso, you buried your head into his chest as you clung to him for dear life.

Lucifer happily returned your embrace and lay his head a top yours.

‘I’m sorry we couldn’t get here sooner.’ He soothed as he stroked the top of your head. You pulled back and looked up to him with a slight laugh.

‘You mean I should have died sooner?’ Lucifer cringed and pulled away, playfully throwing his hands up in the air.

‘Well of course it’s gonna sound morbid if you say it like that!’ You both laughed together and you wiped the tears from under your eyes.

Something caught Lucifer’s eye from across the room. It was the small duck he’d previously offered you.

You watched without a word as he retrieved the gift. He stood before you and offered it once again with a wide grin. This time you gratefully accepted.

Cupping your hands round the small toy, you held it up next to your face.

‘Great likeness.’ You joked and Lucifer snorted out in laughter.

‘I’m glad you like it! You know when you knocked it away, I thought you were highly offended with how I portrayed you, so good to know that’s not the case!’ He teased and gae you a thumbs up.

‘Thank you.’

‘Well.’ Lucifer spun round, making his way to the door before pausing to speak over his shoulder. ‘Thanks to todays surprising turn of events, I need to hire a new maid.’ He paused for a moment before turning back round to fully face you. ‘Can’t have my honorary daughter run ragged , now can I?’

Later that night after both of you had taken some much needed time to calm down, Lucifer had made you sit at the dining table, whilst he served you for a change. Once you were both settled, he took the opportunity to press you a little.

‘So did you ever reach out to Charlie like I said a while ago?’ You chuckled nervously and rubbed at the back of your neck.

  ‘I didn’t really think it would be appropriate.’

‘Ah come one now, I was the one who bought it up! Plus I think it would be good for you.’

‘How so?’ You titled your had curiously and Lucifer sank back into his chair with a breathy laugh.

‘Charlie showers literally everyone she meets with love, and she’ll introduce you to loads of new friends.’

‘But-‘ You stopped yourself, really thinking weather or not you should even ask. ‘Will she even want to meet me?’ Lucifer’s face softened into a warm smile. He knew exactly what you were thinking. You were scared that Charlie would want nothing to do with you, considering the way you saw him now.

He sat up and reached over, giving your shoulder a comforting squeeze.

‘I grantee it.’

[leahsgirl]

dramatic much | ella toone x female reader

veryyy short ella blurb to get back out there. no warnings.

sorry for my disappearance - writers block got the complete best of me and i hate every draft i make.

—

ella busied herself in the kitchen, occasionally stopping stirring the sauce in the pan to re-read the recipe on her phone.

some may say she’s been a little too aspirational in opting to make a three course meal for herself and you, considering she can barely make a bowl of cereal without something going wrong. but with her being away so much with with international duty and pre-season duties lately and little time for just the pair of you - she wanted to do something special.

in all fairness, everything was going to plan. she prepped the veg in advance, seasoned the chicken, and is yet to call alessia to come and save her (and the meal).

but nothing is ever easy in the world of ella toone, so as the brunette was jamming along to one of her notorious spotify playlist as well as peeling potatoes; she accidentally managed to slice her finger.

“fuckin’ el” she retracted her hand back in a jolt, watching in horror as blood pumped out of the small but painful cut.

she’s pretty sure this is the end, any minute now and she’s going to die from a haemorrhage which is why in a swift motion - like any self respecting adult would do - she whipped out her phone from her back pocket.

“hey babe.”

“how far away from home are you?”

“about five mins-ish, why?”

“i’m gonna die man! you need to hurry up.”

“what do you mean, what have you-“

but ella hung up and there you was; heart rate through the roof as you sat driving your car. it didn’t take long for you to get back though, probably breaking a few speed limits here and there.

“ella?” calling out as soon as you entered the premises.

“in the kitchen!”

you find the girl hunched over the counter-top, about thirty pieces (not an understatement) of kitchen roll wrapped around her hand. “what have you done?”

“bloody sliced my finger open.” you see the half peeled vegetables on the chopping board and piece two and two together, letting out an airy laugh “let me have a look.”

ella propped herself up onto the counter as you gently unravelled the tissue paper to reveal… a small cut. barely a nick, really, but enough to have your dramatic girlfriend convinced she was at death’s door. “oh my god you are such a hypochondriac.” 

“mate it was like a blood bath in here i nearly died.” the mancunian defended herself as you hummed along amused, searching for the first aid kit.

“it’s your fault too.” she vindicated.

“of course it is.” you said with a grin, playing along “what did i do?”

“if i wasn’t cutting potato’s for this meal i was making for you, then it wouldn’t of happened.” she huffed like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“or maybe you and the kitchen just aren’t meant to be.” you opened a sachet of antiseptic wipes and motioned for her hand. “but i love the thought and effort.” you kissed her lips while slying cleaning the wound.

“shit shit shit!” the brunette pulled back and immediately went to wave her hand to stop the stinging “what you do that for?!”

“would your dramatic ass let me do it if i had told you? the answer is no.” you smiled sweetly at her and put a plaster over the cut. “there. all better.”

“wait you forgot something.” looking expectantly at you as you cleared away the rubbish. “what?”

“kiss it better?” you laughed at the childish behaviour but gave in, conceding a quick peck on her finger. “i’ve never known anyone as dramatic as you, ella toone.”

“good thing you love me isn’t it?” she hopped off the kitchen surface and smacked your butt.

“mhm. now go get changed so i can put that shirt in the wash.” pointing to the scattered red marks on the material.

“fine, but i’m stealing your hoodie.” she called over her shoulder as she made her way to the bedroom.

_

well what was supposed to be ella’s culinary masterpiece ended up being your handiwork. after convincing the girl she’d done enough damage for one night, you took over in the kitchen, following the recipe she found. to your surprise, the meal turned out pretty tasty. ella hovered around you the entire time, watching your every move like an eager student, offering unhelpful advice and distracting you with cheeky kisses. not that you minded—it was nice to see her so invested, even if it meant she spent more time fussing over her finger than actually helping

with dinner over and dishes abandoned in the sink, the pair of you was settled on the sofa, scouring the tv for literally anything to watch. ella was cuddled into your side, messing with the remote as you combed your fingers through her hair.

“why don’t we see what’s on netflix? i think there’s some new shows out.”

“ugh there’s nothing good on netflix anymore.” the brunette moaned.

“you’re so hard to please sometimes y’know.” you teased as you took the remote off her and put on a movie both of you liked, one that you watched together more times than you can count “happy?”

ella nodded, “i’ll go grab some snacks.” she manoeuvred off you and the couch, bending down to steal a kiss on the corner of your mouth, the brief contact leaving you grinning. you watched her disappear into the kitchen, hearing the familiar clatter of cupboards opening and the rustle of packaging as she gathered your favorites.

she was back after a couple of minutes, hands now full with a bowl of popcorn, a bar of chocolate and two cans of pop. “here you go m’lady.” she said with a mock bow, gracefully placing the bowl on your lap and handing you one of the drinks. “thanks babe.”

she went to the other couch and picked up the blanket, wrapping it around her shoulders like a cloak and making her way back to her personal pillow (you).

“ah! shit shit shit!” the older girl was now hopping around holding her foot.

“literally what’s just happened?” you look on in disbelief because realistically how many accidents can this girl get herself into.

“stubbed my bastard toe.” ella hissed through gritted teeth “think i’ve broke it, swear I heard a crack”

“oh for fucks s-“

[scaredycatqlt]

Some silly platonic headcanons of bill cipher x reader pls?

Oh hell yeah!!! I love my lil AroAce triangle >:3

Bill Cipher X Reader [PLATONIC!]

Alright, well, for starters, how you became friends could vary.

Either you’re some messed up otherworldly creature with a thirst for chaos and destruction like him, or some unsuspecting human. Or maybe you knew what you were doing? Who knows! Bill knows.

Regardless, at first he doesn’t pay you much mind. You’re simply another pawn on the chessboard to him.

He can get bored easy, so he hangs out around you a lot. Not for long, mainly frequent short visits.

He finds you amusing, you and your antics! If you’re a dimensional thing like him, he’s quick to invite you to join him in wrecking havoc. If you’re a human, he’s more still in the ‘I’m better lol’ mindset.

When you guys are finally friends, he will try to convince you to let him possess you. Not all the time! And very infrequently! Come on, won’t you help a pal out?

His love language (PLATONICALLY) is acts of service and gift giving. He’s not an emotional being by any means at all, so this is how he expresses his care for you.

As canonically presented, his gifts are kinda…..messed up.

deer teeth, a eternal screaming head, weird shit in general.

Also with acts of service he totally offers to take care of anything bothering you. Someone annoyed you? He can get rid of them! Don’t you worry your fuzzy little head!

A litttlleeee bit of a platonic yandere but who here’s surprised….

He does a lot of small things for you that you might not notice. Like picking something up, summoning an object, giving you whatever small thing you happen to want at that time, yeah.

If something happened to you he’d probably go crazy ngl.

You’re like his partner in crime!

Also, if you’re human he makes sure you’re taking care of your meat-suit properly.

Have you drank water? Eaten? Slept? Done all the human things?

One last thing, I feel like Bill would love Doritos. I know this kinda doesn’t match the theme, but there used to be this whole ‘Bill hates Doritos they’re his species :(‘ kinda thing and while it is funny, personally I disagree. I think he’d find it hilarious, and probably eat them specifically because they look like him. He’s a little creacher.

Here they are!! Again, sorry it took forever. I’ve been busy with school n shit, but I’m working on these requests one by one.

[potentialguybodyswaps]

Cum Locked Into a Marine:

Are you in the military but feel like you joined the wrong branch? well there’s a way to swap branches, only catch, you have to swap bodies with someone in that branch and live their life, you can always swap back but only after both parties have finished their contract, so if you have 1 year left on yours, and you decided to swap with a fresh boot, you gotta finish the rest of their contract

Not many people wanna swap with a guy fresh out of boot camp but I did.

I’ve spent a year in the navy and didn’t like it one bit, when I joined I was hoping to join a brotherhood but the comrodery wasn’t there , when I was in A school, the base I was at for training was actually a joint base with the army, navy, Air Force and marines

Something that always upsetted me is when ever we’d see the marines, they were fine as fuck, for no reason, hands down the best looking fucking branch, no homo.

Even when I got to my ship and did a deployment with the marines onboard, they always looked hot and way fitter, if I would have join them instead of the navy, I’d definitely have abs but a lot of the navy struggles to stay within height and weight regulations

So I decided I wanted to swap with a marine, I made an account for the Body Exchange Program (or B.E.P. For short) and went to the subsection for military swaps and clicked on the marine branch to see what bodies were available

One thing I loved about the B.E.P. Is while the swaps are basically contracts and ment to last for the agreed time, they’re a couple ways to get out of that aswell… The B.E.P. Isn’t actually ment for long term swaps, so the only real way to do so is by breaking the TOS (terms of servicing). if both parties end up ejaculating while swaped, they end up locked in each others bodies

A lot of them had high standards in order to swap with them but I did find one Private named Matt Cummings. his profile says he’s only been out of boot camp for a week now and hates it, willing to swap with anyone from any branch as long as their not old.

I’ve only done 1 out of my 5 years so it didn’t bother me basically losing a year and having to restart a 5 year contract, especially if it ment I got to look hot as fuck and be a marine

Luckily I was only about 3 years older so I sent a request and after a little talking he agreed saying “I’d love to be in the navy and see more countries than just being deployed and stuck in 1”

Since we were in the same time zone this would actually be somewhat easy, we just set the time to swap to 3 A.M. when we’re both sleeping, and since we both actually had the next couple days off, it’d give us time to adapt and try to figure out our new lives

He asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this, promising it’s not like how I think it is. And I told him yes I’m sure…

Unfortunately he was one of the few profiles on here that didn’t have a profile pic so I was a bit worried about walking into this blind, but checking out the basic stats on his profile made me a bit more confident, 5’10 and 140. At the very minimum I might lose like 2 inches of height but atleast I lose about 40 pounds of weight also haha

I woke up the next day in a bed that didn’t belong to me and a dorm room that didn’t look familiar to me. Needing to piss I flung the blanket off me and saw that I was in nothing but my underwear, I rushed to the head (bathroom in military talk) and lowered them to piss and was kinda shocked, nothing too special about the dick, I mean about the same size as my actual body, but maybe a bit longer, ok, more than a little, I had to be atleast 3 and a half inches soft now, bro probably had like atleast 2 inches on me hard, I don’t know yet, so I’ll assume im about 6.5 or 7 inches hard maybe more now. What had me shocked tho was that I’m now uncircumcised! This is awesome man! I always wanted to be uncut. I just woke up and I’m glad this guy wanted to swap, definitely lucked out.

After I got done pissing and shooked my dick, I went to the sink to drink some water straight from the facet, after I got done drinking I stood up water dripping down my face onto my chest and onto my thin 6pack… if you could even call these abs, I’m not sure, maybe inbetween toned and abs status. Finally taking the chance to look in the mirror, I believe I lucked out, this guy seems to be one of the finer looking ones

While admiring my new self in the mirror I started to get hard and decided to check out the goods, pulling my underwear down my initial assessment seemed to be right, definitely bigger than my original body, so definitely atleast 7 inches. I decided to save playing with myself for later, hate to be a cliche and immediately go to touching myself after a swap, I’ll save it for later when I decide to act like a true marine and go get day drunk!

I tried finding some clean clothes but everything that wasn’t a uniform item was kinda just thrown onto the floor so I don’t know which piles are clean and which are not… I decided to take from the pile that smelled the lest like B.O. and get dressed

Once dressed I grabbed a backpack I saw laying around and left the onbase housing and found a store that happened to sell some IPA’s in there. I got a 6 pack and headed back to my room. on the way to the store and on the way back I was getting looks from everyone like I’m doing something I shouldn’t be, can’t be the alcohol can it? I mean no way, I tucked it into my bag. I mean, ya bro didn’t check the back of my CAT card to see my date of birth, so it’s technically underage drinking, but no one knows I have beer in my backpack nor does that explain the looks I was getting on the way to the store in the first place

I shrugged it off and just went back inside to my room. Once in I started drinking right away after I found some good shows to watch on this guys phone, I don’t know his password but the finger ID works, I’ll have to message him and ask him for the code later

It was taking me longer than usual to finish these due to not liking the taste anymore, and they were fucking me up more than usual making me a bit nauseous, I guess it makes since, this Matt guy has only been in for a week, probably didn’t have a taste for alcohol yet, not to mention different tastebuds in general, dam that sucks, this was one of my favorite brands too!

It took me almost 3 hours but I was finally on the last one, on a scale of like 1-10 I was probably a 6 on the drunk scale, trying not to throw up, which is ironic sense I use to black out and wake up never throwing up once throughout the night

When I get drunk I like to start cleaning or working out drunk, makes everything a bit more fun, I decided to do laundry, sense I can’t tell what’s clean and what’s not, I decided to just wash everything on the floor

Once I put everything in the washer I had a thought, technically I don’t know if the clothes I put on today were clean or not, and after spending some time in them today, technically they are dirty “fuck it” I said outloud and stripped completely naked tossing my clothes into the washer too before starting it

I went back and sat on the couch buck ass naked, it always felt weird walking around naked, so the fact that I’m doing it now in a slimmer body, balls swinging? Was kinda erotic, I started to get hard but the hornyness turned into fear when I herd a knock at the door

I remained still hoping they’d just go away, but then herd the sliding of the lock and the door open

“Aye Private FuckFace, I gotta talk to you. A sergeant and 2 corporals came in with him and closed the door behind them. For some reason I forgot that I was totally nude and thought it’d be a good idea to just start playin a movie again and pretend like I didn’t hear them

They walked around the corner into the living room to see me naked on the couch making them freeze and recalculate for a few seconds

I tried to not look up at them and continue watching my phone

“Well what do we have here” the sergeant said walking up to me

“Uh, uh, nothing much sergeant, just watchin a movie, you?”

“Me? What do I have? Let’s see, I’m given the task of coming to scald you for going out in public today and not shaving, what is this? Like my 3rd time telling you in the last week since you’ve been here that you have to shave EVERY DAY. And now I have YOU sitting on the couch, buck ass naked with beer cans on the table” he yelled knocking my partially full can over

“So that’s what we’re doing now? Underage drinking in base housing, not shaving. Sitting in the couch naked, legs open, not even trying to cover yourself, you know I told you if you kept fucking up I was gonna cum on your fucking face Private Cummings, I wasnt joking” he said unbuckling his belt

It didn’t register with me the first time, but it did the second, I’m so fucked up right now that I totally forgot that I was nude, fuck. Wait did he just say he was gonna fuck my face!?

I went to get up off the couch but he pushed me hard when I got half way up, sending me back on the couch.

“Now you know the rules to this, you can try to get out of this but I doubt you’ll be able too” he said nodding to the two corporals as he pulled his 5 inch hard dick out

I went to get up a second time but the corporals went behind the couch, each grabbing an arm and holding it back so I can’t go anywhere

“Suck” he said dick inches away from my mouth

“Fuck that” I screamed trying to spit on his dick as a sign of disrespect

Due to my slow reaction time the moment I tried to build up saliva and spit out on his dick, he just Jammed it in my mouth the second I opened it

I didn’t dare move, I’m not gonna fuck him up by hitting his dick but I’m not sucking it ether

I quit trying to fight to get up and just fell back into the couch more trying to get the dick to come back out my mouth

“Private FuckFace you are to suck my dick until I cum in your mouth, do you understand? That’s an order soldier” the sergeant said yelling at me

The moment he said “that’s an order” it’s like the combination of my boot camp instincts and this Cummings guy’s kicked in and I just quit resisting giving in and sucking his dick

Like a good soldier does, I gave it my all trying to do a good job and I suppose I did cause he yelled “I’m about to cum” I sped up a bit just so I can be done with this gay shit, the moment he started to blow his load in my mouth I quit sucking, but he wouldn’t pull out

I looked up to see my sergeant looking down on me, saying “you know the rules, now swallow, Private”

The moment I swallowed my sergeant nodded again and the corporals finally let go, they came back around the couch laughing

“Oh my god sergeant did he actually do it? Haha” one of them said laughing

“Yep, he swallowed it, which by Marine Social Code, means you, private fuck face, are officially my bitch now and have to do whatever I say whenever I say it” the sergeant said with a smile

“Bro what the fuck is wrong with y’all, fuck that I’m not nobodies bitch, you just mad a private has a bigger dick then you dude” I said standing up

“Private I told you, you know the rules, if anyone is able to take you by force and make you swallow their cum, your their bitch now, you could have gotten out of the hold we had you in, you just decided to say fuck your training, I feel like becoming a bitch all of a sudden right? Just accept it for what it is and do what I say like a good little bitch”

One of the corporals decided to tap the sergeant and ask him a question

“So uh, sense he’s your bitch now, do we get any sort of compensation for helping you? I mean he did put up a fight in the beginning and make us put some effort into holding him down, for someone that decided to become a bitch, he should have known he shouldn’t fight with his superiors” one of them said

The sergeant smiled and said “perhaps… Private go ahead and suck these two’s dicks aswell, take as much time as you’d like”

“No dude what the fuck is your problem I’m not doing that gay shit I’m a marine” I said angrily

“Private, you will suck these two men’s dick, that’s an order” the sergeant said

Once again it was like something in me was triggered and I proceeded to get down on my knees to make it easier for them to stick it in.

“ and you might be a marine but your a fresh marine, ment to be made into whatever the fuck we want you to be, if we want you to be the bottom bitch of the whole platoon, guess what your doing? Suckin dick just like we want you too” the sergeant said as I was giving one of the corporal the works

Both the corporals were bigger than the sergeant, so my only assuming is that the sergeant likes to get drunk with his power and assert it whenever he can, like now

After I got done blowing the first corporal, just like the sergeant did… he ordered me to swallow after cumming in my mouth. laughing, he pulled out and let the 2nd corporal take his turn

This time I didn’t need any instructions and just knew to swallow that way his dick come out my mouth faster, I hated every second of this, I thought the marine corps was the straight bad ass branch but I guess their even worse than the navy somehow

As I swallowed the 2nd corporal’s load I moved my eyes and glanced over at sergeant to see a pissed off expression

“What sergeant, I’m just doing what you told me to do” I said feeling the urge to please my superior officers

“I told you to suck their dicks, I didn’t necessarily say to let them cum in your mouth and swallow it, did i” he said rubbing his hands against the sides of the his temple

“Your point” i asked

“My point is now that you swallowed their cum, your all of our’s bitch now…. man you must really love this don’t you? It’s ok private, I knew from the beginning you must be a little gay from our first encounter, with that being said, we’ll round up the rest of the platoon and make sure you have plenty of cum to swallow and dicks to suck by the end of the week, I’m sure the rest of the guys will be ecstatic to find out they can get free blowjobs whenever they want and not have to go out into town to get it. Good work private” he said now smirking a little bit

“Ok I’ll leave the rest to you two” sergeant said and then walked out

Once the sergeant walked out the corporals both started dying laughing

“Hold up just stay right there private, ima make a call to the E-4 Mafia and get you some more dicks to suck tonight” one of them said pulling out their phone and started reading aloud the text he was sending to a group chat

“E-4 mafia, new platoon bitch is with me right now, drunk as fuck, giving out free blowjobs and swallowing, hit me up if you’d like to get in on this day one, goal is to get him to swallow every guy in the platoon by the end of the week” and send he said

Guys, come on now, this isn’t cool, y’all are gonna make me get a STD or something, you really want that? I said panicking

“Really only a problem for the ones after/if you get one private, but I think most would say it’d be a fair trade off in the hopes of having a platoon wide bitch, it’s gonna be a long 4 years for you dude haha” he said sitting down on the couch keeping an eye on me to make sure I don’t escape before his buddies show up

For some reason thinking about what just happened has me getting hard, the sergeant can go kill himself for all I care, but just like my new marine body, these corporals are starting to look kinda hot

The one that send out the group chat noticed I got hard and addressed me

“You find this hot Cummings” he said with a sly smile on his face

“I got something for you private, just go ahead and close your eyes and start stroking your dick dude, slowly”

I do so, and next thing I know I hear the corporal searching his bag behind me untill he found something, I herd a bag open and he asked me

“ do you like poppers private”

“I love them! What type of popper tho? Like jalapeño poppers?” I said starting to sound excited from the sound of food, drinking on a empty stomach wasn’t my brightest idea

As I’m still stroking my uncut cock I feel the corporal grab the back of my head and go

“ no these ones” he said as he forced my face into the bag inhaling chemicals

It suddenly felt like my dick was about to explode and so I let go immediately but it was too late

My dick started to twitch for a few seconds before I shot my load all over myself

“Noo!! What the fuck was that I yelled”

What I thought you said you liked poppers? I just figured I’d help you get off since you’ll be helping a lot of guys tonight he said with that same sly smile

My whole life has been turned upside down, I was hoping if I could make it pass the next few days the B.E.P. Would swap us back knowing I never cummed, not wanting the swap to be locked in

But now I’m stuck as this private Cummings guy for sure, since the corporal wanted to mess with me and make me cum myself, locking me in this body for years to come

#edit, I’ll try to make a patreon next week where y’all can see the pictures I really want to use for these stories 😏

[descendantsramblings]

Just a short cute thing where Fem! Reader and Maleficent are dating and Mal just loves teasing her gf by turning into her dragon form in small

Pure fluff, thank u :>

“Short cute” is speaking my language rn. So glad to be back to writing long stuff but between these and writing a layout for a Dead Boy Detectives fic I needed a good head canon or Drabble 🖤

Also I wrote and edited this whole thing while on the clock at work so forgive me if something is a little odd, I HATE typing on mobile because it’s easier to get typos.

Play

Maleficent x Reader

Pronouns used: she/her/hers

Summary: watching her girlfriend study can get just so boring

Warnings: descriptions of Maleficent turning into a dragon but it’s really nothing (at least as a horror and body horror fan it’s absolutely nothing but I’ll warn you just in case), fluff

Word Count: 1.1K

Pic because finding gifs of my girl (who’s almost always background or literally on Hades lol) is so hard

She can’t say no one warned her. Of course, Maleficent thought her girlfriend hung the sun, she was humanities own light source. All aglow when she was excited and warm enough that the dark fae was constantly convinced she had a fever. She was obsessed with her, but that doesn’t mean the rest of her friends lied when they said dating a hero kid could get so boring. Not that (Y/n) in general was boring, it was actually pretty easy to get her running around with the villains, but when she felt like being good? She could get obnoxiously good. Like straight As helping out in soup kitchens type of good. Which if the pixie was honest, she found that side of her girlfriend extremely endearing. Sometimes she even wonders if that sweet half of her is what saw Maleficent as worthy for her. Not that she’d ever admit to that out loud, it would wreck her image. If the fact that she could watch the girl complete mundane tasks in complete infatuation didn’t already kill her image. Or at least she normally could watch her like that.

The girl had been studying for an hour, rewriting her notes in a decorative and color coded way that she swore made it easier for her to study. “Rewriting it makes me think about it harder, Mali. Engraves it into my memory.” It sounded like an excuse to her, seemed to her that the girl just liked to look at pretty things. Not that she minded, whatever she wanted to do was fine by her, (Y/n) was her own woman. And Maleficent loved to be the pretty thing she was looking at, so who was she to complain about other ones? But Mali was starting to wonder if she and Tinkerbell had something in common. If she didn’t get her girlfriend’s attention soon she was sure she’d just fall over and just die. She was growing weaker by the second, she was positive of that. And getting the girl’s attention away from swirling pretty calligraphy into a notebook was proving to be impossible.

Every nuzzle to her neck was met with a playful push. Kissing her face just earned the pixie a “Mali, doll, I’m working.” It was infuriating. Why let her in if (Y/n) only planned on ignoring her? Her pale arms make their way around the princess’ waist, face falling against the girl’s back with a dramatic sigh. “I’m almost done, Doll. Just two more pages.” Two more? That won’t do, she needs more attention now. “Come on,” she drags the word out pulling away from her girlfriend with a whine. “Since when are you so good?” “I’ve always been good, Doll. You’re the villain between us, remember?” She uncaps a different pen, readjusting the notebook before her. “You don’t seem so good when you’re out running around with me and the other VKs. You ask how high when Uliana says just just like Morgie does.” It gets her a hum, pen tapping against the page in the speedy pattern. “Yeah well, if I make Uli happy she’ll do my hair. No one else here can braid like she can.” Mali laughs, “Fine, then if we can’t cuddle, let’s go see if she’ll do your hair. Give me something.” “I’ll be done soon.” She scoffs, lightly smacking the back of the girl’s shoulder, “You said you were doing homework.” (Y/n)’s eyes roll, sparing the girl a look over her shoulder, “Studying is homework, Mali.” Now her eyes roll, throwing herself back on the bed, “This isn’t studying. Studying is reading over notes, this is some other thing.” She hums, “Maybe that’s why my grades are higher than yours.” It’s a playful remark, the girl poking her tongue out at the pixie before turning back to her work.

She wants to play? Okay, they can play. She cuts a look to the girl, a pen cap held loosely in her mouth as she delicately drags a pen brush across a page. She was distracted enough. Turning into a large dragon took far too much energy from her, but a small one? One that could fit right in the girl’s lap? That was easy. Maleficent could barely feel it as her bones gave way. Shoulder blades and vertebrae stretching out to form the structure of wings. Purple scales forcing their way through pale skin, tearing their way into veins to beseen. She hasn’t let wings of any kind come out in so long, it felt heavenly. The stretch making her suppress a whimper. She desperately needed to do this more, instead of just when she felt the need to harass her way into getting what she wants.

Slowly, careful not to make too much noise, she flaps her wings, once, twice. By the third time, when she realized the sound wasn’t alerting (Y/n), she knew she could take flight. Fluttering through the dorm, she lands on the girl’s dresser, blowing a small puff of flames onto a candle then settling beside it. Waiting, glowing green eyes trained on the girl who had playfully become her prey. The smell of smoke would alert her, it always did. Lilac and smoke slowly and softly fill the air, making the princess look up, worried eyes glancing around the room before landing on her dresser. “Really? You’re that desperate for me?” Desperate? No, she was anything but that. While her eyes are away from the page, Maleficent takes flight again, swooping up the pens the girl was using before fluttering over her head.

“Mali, you’re just prolonging how long it will be before I can lay back and cuddle with you. You know that, right?” Her hand shoots up for her pens and the dragon flies closer to the ceiling. “This is ridiculous, you are being ridiculous.” Pens clatter into the wastebasket by the girl’s desk, the dragon swooping in to fill the girl’s lap before she can get up to retrieve them. “Are all fae this needy or just you?” The question is met with a nuzzle against her stomach, the dragon refusing to get too close to her skin in case she’d scratch the delicate stretch of flesh.

Sighing, the girl closes her two notebooks, pushing them to the side before she lays back. “If I take a little study break will you let me finish my work without whining?” The dragon crawls up her stomach, tilting her head to the side. Sweeten the deal. “If we cuddle?” Letting out a sigh, Mali curls up on the girl’s chest, her head laying just so close to her heart she feels as if she’s hearing the lubb-Dubb of it in her own head. “You’re not gonna turn back into a girl for me? Made you wait so long that I only deserve scales?” It’s not a complaint, not a real one at least. Her nails digging into the space between two wings, a glorious scratching sensation that makes Maleficent’s eyes lull closed. She was never above playing if the Royal wanted to play. She was always the winner of the girl’s long games.

[jungkooksrealgirlfriend]

Eggs Breakfast 🍳🫦

🥚pairing: jungkook x fem reader

🥚word count: 3.5k

🥚genre: really filthy smut 😭

🥚summary: while cooking breakfast for jungkook one morning, his mind cracks an idea. what if he were the one making the scrambled eggs today?

🥚warnings: dom!jungkook, sub!reader, unprotected sex, anal sex, food play, fingering, explicit language, oral sex, dirty talk, creampie, crack (🤣🍳) fic, idfk what else but this shit is dirty  

🥚disclaimer (with the notion that only a small group of my friends will read this): i am not a writer by any means and i just wrote this for fun because my friend requested a fic based on an inside joke our friend group has and i wanted to take a crack (pun intended) at it. for that reason, i apologize if certain things don’t make sense. it’s also got other random inside jokes sprinkled in so if something seems weirdly mentioned, random, or goofy then that’s probably why. also, i did write this the best i could but it’s also a joke fic so don’t take it seriously. and no, i don’t have a kink of jungkook fucking eggs into my booty hole 😭💀 but if any of u do i don’t kink shame and i hope u enjoy fr 🤝 and to my friends DON’T FUCKING ROAST ME LMFAOAOAOO i wrote this out of the kindness in my heart for a friend who was in (really) desperate need. also!! i am a tumblr noob and don’t know much about formatting, but i’ve found this is easier to read when it’s not on my xxx.tumblr.com page but instead on the normal tumblr.com/xxx page (at the time of posting this in dec 2022) because the spacing doesn’t carry over for some reason? bro idk if it’s the theme i chose or it’s something fixable on tumblr but like i said i’m not a writer nor tumblr savvy 💀 so bear with me

Jungkook leans on the kitchen counter, arms crossed over his chest as he watches you standing across from him, back turned his way. He hated the way his cock stirred in his sweats at the sight of you cooking breakfast in those sleeping shorts you liked to wear. If it wasn’t your exposed legs that got him going, it was definitely the way half your ass was peeking out from under the cloth.

Yet you simply continued your activities, being none the wiser to the man standing behind you. You reached for the carton of fresh eggs sitting on the counter, grabbing one before cracking it into the pan. You didn't need to ask Jungkook how he liked his eggs in the morning, because after being in a three year long relationship, you knew all too well that he preferred them over easy, just as he knew you preferred yours scrambled and with ketchup.

He also knew that you preferred iced coffee over hot coffee, and that you liked warmer weather over colder weather. But one of his favorite things he knew about you was how you were ever so willing to try new things, whether that be hesitantly tasting a new food at his favorite restaurant or agreeing to try something crazy in the bedroom.

You two were no strangers to spicing it up during naughty time, and you both have always been open and communicated about the things you’ve wanted to try. That thought alone caused Jungkook’s mind to wander, truly wondering if you really were willing to try anything at all. Because the sight of you in those shorts, cracking eggs into a pan set his imagination on fire.

He gingerly pushes himself off the counter and walks towards you, arms swaying briefly at his sides before he pushes himself against your back and snakes his hands around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. You giggle, flipping the egg in the pan. 

“Getting impatient? It’s almost done, baby.”

“I think I’m hungry for something else now,” he rasps out, morning voice still present as he pushes his clothed dick against your ass. “Don’t know how you expect me to behave when you're leaving little to the imagination.”

At that you smirk, and Jungkook thinks maybe you did it on purpose to get a rise out of him. His suspicion turns out to be true when you turn off the stove, slide his egg onto a plate, and turn around with a look in your eyes that he knows all too well. 

“But baby,” you say, feigning innocence as you travel your hand up his exposed chest, “don’t you want to eat your breakfast? It’s over easy, just how you like it. And eggs are good for stamina.” you tease.

“You’re a little motherfucking stinker,” he snickers. “I want you to know that.”

“Hmmm, am I?” you muse, “You’re the one talking nonsense at 9 in the morning. Maybe you’re the motherfucking stinker.”

There is no serious weight to either of your words at the obvious joke, yet he still clenches his jaw and moves his face only inches from yours, eyes meeting eyes. 

He lets out a small breath, “You’re going to regret saying that. You have no idea what I wanna do to you right now.”

You can’t help but laugh, not missing the lustful glint in his eyes. You love the back and forth that often happens between you two. It causes your stomach to bubble with anticipation because it doesn’t take long for him to get you wet and in the mood. 

“I never regret anything.”

“Oh baby,” he rests his forehead against yours, “you will this time.”

Suddenly you’re pulled from your spot of being pinned against the stove and are shoved front-forward against the breakfast bar, hands sprawled out on the granite countertop. You can’t help but smile like an idiot because pushing his buttons is your favorite thing to do, and what tends to follow soon after leaves you breathless.

You feel him slide his hands up and down your sides, this action alone sending shivers through your spine. But when he begins to push you down onto the counter with his naked chest against your back, hands following down your arms and intertwining with your own, you find yourself holding your breath before your cheek meets the cold surface with hands on either side of your head.

He’s almost laying on top of you, squishing your body between his own and the breakfast bar. You can only imagine how erotic the scene must look and you wish you had a mirror nearby so you could look into it and see how his body fit against yours like a puzzle piece. You feel his now fully hard dick poking your ass, his chest against your back, and his hands on top of yours. You feel him everywhere, yet not in the places you’re craving him the most right now. 

He leans down to your ear and nibbles on it. “I’m not going to be nice this time. I know you did all this to intentionally provoke me. Is this fun for you?” he chuckles, “Pushing my buttons to get me riled up?”

His voice comes out raspier than you expect and it sends a shiver throughout your whole body causing you to rub your thighs together. He cocks his head to the side a bit, eyes meeting yours and you know he’s waiting for an answer, so you nod your head and smirk up at him. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty fucking hot.”

This causes him to smirk back at you as he licks his bottom lip. You slightly lift your head and allow your eyes to follow the movement before looking back up into his own in an unspoken request. He understands what you want and grants your wish by connecting your lips together.

This kiss is rough and needy, but his lips feel so good against yours that you moan in satisfaction. Bodies on fire, tongues dancing together, and with the need to feel more you push your ass harder against his length in an attempt to gain some friction earning a grunt from the man who, of course, isn’t wearing any underwear. 

Jungkook, knowing you better than you know yourself, grants you your silent plea as he begins to grind your covered heat with his knee. He grinds, and grinds. You feel your adrenaline pick up and you can’t take it anymore. 

“Jungkook,” you gasp out, “need to feel you.”

He chuckles before pulling away, pushing himself off your back and leaving you flat against the counter. His breathing is heavy as he lifts his tattooed arm to brush his hair back, his other arm grabbing firm hold of your waist. Your eyes drop to his abs as they flex at the action, and you swear you could hear purring at this point because of how much your pussy gushed with anticipation. 

He shakes his head, “Look at you, begging for my cock. Is this what you wanted all along? For me to bend you over the counter and fuck you so well like you know I can?”

His voice was low and sultry and fuck, he sounded so hot it made you automatically clench around nothing. He always knew what to say to make your knees weak. 

“Yes” you say, voice coming out whinier than you expected. “Need you so bad right now, baby.”

He knew you went crazy over his dirty words, and you knew he went crazy when you begged for him. 

“Then spread your legs for me, love.”

He tucks his fingers under your waistband slowly tugging them down your legs along with your panties that were now soaked with your arousal. You felt the cold air hit your core and you let out a shaky breath, stepping out of the two articles of clothing once they were by your ankles. 

Without waiting for instruction, you momentarily lift yourself off of the counter to pull your shirt over your head, being left completely nude and vulnerable to Jungkook’s eyes. However, you didn’t feel embarrassed or insecure. You felt the opposite actually, since Jungkook always made you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world who had the sexiest body, and he often showed you how much he loved it.

Laying back down on the counter, Jungkook places his hands back on your now naked waist, kicking your legs open with his own, wide enough for him to stand in between. He slides his long fingers through your slick folds causing you to quickly shut your eyes and moan at the contact. The combination of his fingers and the cold counter underneath your bare chest makes you shiver and you spread your legs even wider.

Jungkook snickers and retrieves his fingers, earning a protesting whine from you. Sneaking a glance back, you see him pulling his gray sweats down his hips, letting them fall to his ankles before he steps out of them and kicks them somewhere to the side along with your clothes too. 

Seeing his bare dick practically makes your mouth water and you wish you could drop to your knees and pleasure him, however his hold on you is tight and you know whatever he has planned will please both of you. 

Momentarily locking eyes with him, you both smirk at each other before you lay your cheek back on the surface, eagerly awaiting him to part your folds. However, the intrusion doesn’t come and you instead feel him lean to reach for something. Once again, you lift your head to look over your shoulder, seeing him grab an egg from the open carton you left by the stove.

“Jungkook… what are you doing?” you question.

He returns to his previous position, egg in hand and knowing smirk on his face. Your eyes move between the egg and his eyes, until he leans down, nose almost touching yours. You can feel his warm breath on your face and the close proximity makes you clench again. He’s staring deep into your eyes and you feel like he’s staring straight into your soul.

“I’m going to crack this egg into your ass and fuck you so hard that I scramble it. Then, I’m gonna enjoy my breakfast.”

You tense at his words. He wants to what? The idea sounds crazy but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t considering it, imagining him fucking you, using the slippery egg as your lube until you’re screaming his name. However, you’re hesitant because this is new territory for the both of you.

“You’re joking right? You can’t be serious about that. About fucking it in my ass. About… scrambling it.” you question.

Was he joking? Jungkook didn’t know. He was sure that the heat radiating off your bodies was enough to fry an egg, so why not scramble it?

“You should know more than anyone when I am and am not fucking around.” he rasps out.

You gulp, getting more turned on by his words. Were you really about to let him crack an egg in your booty hole? In other circumstances you’d probably laugh in his face and tell him he’s being ridiculous, but in this moment the raw sex appeal he’s radiating has you considering it. Really considering it.

Staring back into his eyes you slowly nod your head, your lips slightly turning upwards. 

“Okay big boy. Show me exactly what you mean. Show me how well you can fuck me with that egg.”

At this he backs away and stands tall, smirking to himself before he takes a deep breath. 

“Spread yourself for me.” he commands.

You lay your cheek on the counter and reach behind you, grabbing your ass and spreading it open.

Jungkook knew in order for the egg to make it into your hole he was going to have to stretch you out, so he took his his index and middle fingers and began rubbing them through your folds to gather some of your arousal. 

The touch came as a shock to you and you jerked forward, mewling at the feeling. His fingers felt so good and you thought if he kept on you would’ve came before he even entered you. 

He continues to gather your slick and moves it to your ass, rubbing it over your puckered hole to allow for easier penetration. 

He begins to push one finger in, a deep moan ripping out of your throat. He used his other hand to caress the small of your back as he kept slowly pushing in until he was a knuckle deep. He then slowly pulled out, repeating the process until he was pumping you. The pace wasn’t anything drastic, and the feel of his single finger was definitely not enough for you to reach your high, but that didn’t stop the quiet whimpers that escaped your lips.

After deciding you needed more, you pushed your ass back and he took that as a sign to add a second finger, fingering you faster and deeper than before. 

With each pump, you moaned out at the feeling, cursing under your breath when he adds a third finger. Jungkook wanted to make sure you were stretched enough, so he took his time, gradually quickening his pace. 

All that could be heard in the tiny kitchen was your whimpers and the soft wet sounds of your arousal coating his fingers. 

Suddenly his fingers were gone from your hole and you felt like crying, missing his touch already. A moment passes before you hear the sound of him cracking the egg onto the counter with enough force for the shell to break but not enough for anything to leak out. 

Your body felt like it was on fire, your hair sticking to your forehead and you were sure Jungkook’s was doing the same. You could hardly think at this moment, barely registering the words that came from his mouth.

“You ready?” he asks, licking his lips.

You immediately nodded, eager to feel anything. 

But you knew Jungkook needed to hear you voice it, so you whispered out a small “Please.”

“So needy.” he mumbles as he slightly lowers down and uses both hands to begin opening the egg, watching as the clear mucus begins to seep into your hole as you still hold your ass open.

The feeling was strange, but not unwelcome. The egg was cold, but not cold enough to feel uncomfortable. Instead, the feeling made you tense and shiver with anticipation, and the thought of Jungkook fucking it into you was the only thing on your mind right now.

He opened it wider, watching as the remainder of egg was sucked into your hole. “I’m glad this went over easy.” he amusingly remarks. 

“Fuck you,” you curse, irritation hinting because of how impatient you were. Was he really making puns right now?

“You’re about to,” he smirks, pushing two fingers into your hole to spread the egg. It’s slick and if even possible, it turns him on more, especially from the way you jerk forward and loudly moan. 

However, he’s brief and removes his egg-slicked fingers to take his dick into his hand, groaning at the feeling of giving himself a few pumps, coating it with a thin layer of egg white. He grabs your waist before he situates himself at your back entrance, pausing for a second before he begins to push himself in.

He was easily able to bottom out, the slimy texture of the egg being the clear reason for that. He barely gives you any time to adjust before he pulls out and slams his hips forward all over again.

You moan uncontrollably, mouth agape in pleasure and eyes tightly shut. He was pumping in and out of you with ease, further coating his dick with your arousal and the egg that was now surely beginning to froth inside your body the quicker his pace became. 

The slick sounds and the way his balls slapped against your pussy made your head spin, and Jungkook was surely enjoying this just as much as you were from the way his head was tilted back and he was groaning, hands holding your hips so tight that you were sure there would be bruises later.

“Fuck!” you screamed out, tears beginning to prick your eyes as your moans began to mix with sobs at how fucking good it felt. The temperature of the egg in your body was now matching your own, a contrast to the cold plated eggs you had cooked earlier that were long forgotten on the counter.

“Jungkook,” you stuttered out, “so…so good” you sobbed. 

Hearing you sound so vulnerable, saying his name while he was balls deep inside of you made his cock twitch and a moan escape his lips. He loved you so much and would do anything for you. He would get on his hands and knees and wash your feet as Jesus did for Judas, simply doing it out of his love and obsession for you.

You felt your stomach begin to tighten, a sign that you were close to your high. Jungkook was close too, but he wanted you to cum first so he let go of your hip with one of his hands and began to circle your sensitive bud as you shuddered underneath him. He then moved his fingers from your clit to your entrance, pushing in and pumping his fingers fast.

“I am go-go-go-gonna cum.” you stutter, seemingly not able to even say that simple sentence as you screw your eyes shut tighter.

The combination of his dick pumping in your ass and his fingers in your cunt brings a whole new wave of pleasure. You feel so full of him and without warning, you tense and feel the knot snap in your stomach as you cum on his fingers and uncontrollably clench around them. Your ass convulses as you’re clenching hard around his dick, seeming to involuntarily suck it in deeper with ease pulse. 

Your entire body tingles as you let out a guttoral moan and say his name over and over like a chant. Tears are rolling down your cheeks as you begin to feel the start of overstimulation.

Jungkook pauses for a moment, removing his fingers from your cunt before he shoves them into your mouth and uses his other hand to hold you down by your neck, the pressure making your eyes roll back into your head as you suck his fingers and taste yourself, moaning as you do.

He then starts pumping at an even more animalistic pace than before, trying to reach his own high as you start whimpering from the overstimulation. 

“I know baby, I know.” he soothes, keeping the same pace before his hips begin stuttering and he cums inside your ass, a loud moan ripping from his throat as well.

He doesn’t move, you both breathing heavily as he curses and lays his head on your back, intertwining his hands with your own. You feel content at having just been properly fucked and could really go for a shower right now.

However, he’s not done as he gives you a final pump, further mixing his semen with the raw egg before he removes his softening cock, crouches down, and lifts you up higher by your thighs. 

You’re too fucked out to immediately react, but you widen your eyes when you realize what he’s about to do.

He licks a stripe through your pussy, tasting your arousal on his tongue. “You taste so fucking good.” he moans.

“What are you doing?” you question, using the little strength you have left to look behind you, meeting his eyes. 

He can see the look in your eyes, see you’re surprised because you know what he’s about to do. So he smirks. That fucker smirks. 

“I’m about to enjoy my breakfast.”

He takes his two fingers and gathers up the cum and egg dripping out of your hole, shoving it back in and pumping a few times before removing his fingers and replacing them with his tongue. 

You gasp out, not believing he was actually eating your ass hole right after fucking an egg into you.

“Mmmm,” he hums into your backside. 

Uncontrollable moans leave your mouth as he licks you clean, standing up shortly after and lightly slapping your ass.

You stand up, legs wobbly, and you have to grib the edge of the breakfast bar to stop your knees from giving out. 

Jungkook felt good seeing you like this, knowing he was the cause and reason. It boosted his ego and he felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

“You’re nasty as shit,” you spit, turning around to face him while your hands still gripped the counter. However, you had a smirk on your lips showing Jungkook that you didn’t really mean it.

He chuckles, giving you a raise of his eyebrow.

“Well you didn’t seem to think so when you were begging for me to touch you.”

You roll your eyes, “You know that I love the way you fuck me.”

He walks up to you, hands sliding over your arms leaving goosebumps on your skin. He looks down at you and you look up, staring into each other’s eyes.

“I wouldn’t mind having my breakfast like that again in the future,” he smirks, “because I think scrambled eggs just became my new favorite.”

[natashascumslut]

will there be a nat perspective for why ?

yes, i love this idea!

WHY 2 | natasha romanoff

SUMMARY: Natasha’s perspective of my fic ‘why.’

WARNINGS: Angst.

a/n - i’m sorry this is so short 😪 i promise ill write a long fic at some point.. anyway enjoy!

You paused as the words hit your ears. excuse me? Her eyes went wide when you didn’t answer. You forced words out, not wanting to stay completely quiet.

“What?” It came out flat, it wasn’t what you intended. You moved your hands from her waist, bringing them up to your face to push hair behind your ears nervously as you waited for an answer.

“I love you.” You tensed as you watched tears pool in her eyes. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Did you love her back? You should, you did. But god, you were scared, the idea of being in love with this girl was so precious but so scary.

You tried to speak as she stepped back, stumbling backwards as she went for the door. You wanted to move, to hurry over to her and tell her to calm down, that it was okay, that you care.

Instead, you stayed put as you watched her leave the small apartment. Your feet felt as if they’d been concreted to the floor, unable to move. You should’ve gone after her, you shouldn’t have let her go out alone in the rain.

You thought you were ready, that when the words would leave her lips, they’d leave yours too with ease. But you clearly weren’t, you felt stupid, you should go out there and tell her to come back in. You could sit her down to explain how you felt about all this, tell her that you were scared because you’d never been taught love growing up and now you had it and god was the feeling terrifying.

Often when people fall in love, they tell the other person ‘I’ve never loved someone more.’, and a lot of the time it’s not true. But for you it was and it was so intimidating, you saw her in everything. You couldn’t leave the house without being reminded of her, the bees, the stars, everything somehow spun back to her, and you didn’t like that.

You went from being perfectly independent to physically unable to live without her, you felt like a burden, always wanting to be around her, close to her.

You finally moved from your statued place in the hall to the couch, you let out a loud sigh as you slumped into it. You wish you knew more about this, that you could talk to her about how you feel, but we all know that’s not something you are good at. God you were so new to all this, you just wanted to call her, tell her to come back, to come home.

But you didn’t. Instead, you didn’t contact her for three weeks. You tried to, sitting in front of your phone with a text typed out on multiple occasions but never sending it. And the longer you went, the more it would look like you were taking the piss if you texted her.

So you didn’t, you let go. Well, you tried to let go, it wasn’t as easy as you thought. You’d been able to let go of so many things in your life, but for some reason, this wouldn’t leave.

“I know but I can’t do it now, it’s been three weeks.” You sighed into the phone as you wandered through the aisles of a store, your breath hitched as your eyes fell on the very girl you were talking about. Speak of the devil.

You immediately hung up the phone, shoving it in your back pocket. You weren’t sure what to say, if you should say anything at all. You could just run away, leave the store and make sure you’d never run into her again. But seeing her like this was heartbreaking, you went from waking up next to her to standing feet away from her in a grocery store after unintentionally breaking her heart.

She looked so tired, god you hated what you’d done, why did it have to be so hard to tell someone you loved them?

You could say it right now, nice and easy, four small words. I love you too. You opened your mouth to speak, thinking that maybe the words would come out, but her name did instead. She turned, and you wanted to die when her eyes met yours. What had you done?

“Why didn’t you go after me?” You winced at her words, I tried, I wanted to I swear. I was just scared, I love you, I love you so much. “I... I don’t know.” Why was it so hard for you to say the words? You watched her with guilt, how could you do this to someone? You had to say it, you had to tell her you loved her. You couldn’t.

“I do care about you.” You said, maybe this would be enough, maybe she would understand what you meant. She didn’t, you could tell in her body language that she didn’t believe you. “Then why haven’t I heard from you for three weeks?” oh.

You shuffled awkwardly, your fingers immediately going to your rings as a stress response as you tried your hardest to rack your brain for something, literally anything. You couldn’t think of why, you had no excuse, you were just scared but you couldn’t tell her that.

“Forget it.” No, no! Please. She turned, and your eyes widened. Please come back, I love you. Why wouldn’t the words come out? It was like they were stuck in your throat, you knew you meant them, but they wouldn’t come out.

You watched her walk away, standing hopelessly in the aisle. You tried to move, but it was no different than three weeks ago, your feet anchored to the floor. Maybe this was for the best, love was stupid anyways.

i love you too.

[erisweekofficial]

SURPRISE! 🔥❤️‍🔥

We are SO excited to have chatted with Matthew Bassett, the voice actor for Eris Vanserra in the Graphic Audio Production of the ACOTAR series.

Read below for an Exclusive Q&A with Matt ❤️

How long have you been voice acting? How did you get started in the voice acting industry?

I’ve only really worked with Graphic Audio for voice acting, and I’ve been in their roster of actors since 2012. I’ve been a stage actor (with a tiny bit of film) since 2003, and I’ve taught acting in the Washington, DC, area since 2012. When I moved to the DC area after graduate school and started working around here, a number of actors I liked and admired kept mentioning this company that provided steady work on fun material - westerns, fantasy, sci-fi. The comic book adaptations sold me, I’m a huge comics fan. Since 2012, I’ve played countless varmints, monsters, cads, aliens, superheroes/villains, and the occasional good guy. Along with Eris, my larger roles have included voicing The Homelander in all six volumes of GA’s adaption of The Boys graphic novels and Cullen in the World of Lupi series.

Can you describe the process for being selected for the role of Eris (or any other character)? Were there auditions, callbacks, or specific criteria that led to your casting?

Graphic Audio works like a repertory acting company, in that after your initial audition, they maintain your contact information for project directors to pull from when needed. I’ve done a lot of work with Colleen Delaney, director of the ACOTAR adaptations, including several longer character arcs in multiple series, so she thought I would be a good fit for Eris based on similar characters (rogueish, but with hidden depth that is explored over time) I’ve played elsewhere. I’m glad she did! Eris has been really fun.

How did you prepare for the role of Eris in terms of understanding the character's backstory, motivations, and relationships with other characters?

Graphic Audio does a fantastic job of preparing actors and directing us through performances. Colleen sent each actor a brief but rich character description, often quoting directly from the novels, as well as providing a plot description for each specific novel (necessary since the turnaround from offer to recording is very short). During our sessions, Colleen tells me everything I need to know about where Eris has been since the last scene/book and how his relationships have evolved. GA directors also read in as “scene partners,” which, considering they are all performers themselves, makes it very easy to react as I imagine Eris would.

Eris is a complex and morally ambiguous character. What aspects of his personality did you find most challenging to convey in your performance, and how did you approach tackling those challenges?

His vulnerability is very challenging. Eris has had a hard life, despite growing up with every privilege, which is difficult to convey. He hates everyone to some extent, but it all comes from how much he hates his family and himself. The scenes with Morrigan in particular take a while to record - he has all the feelings when talking to her, but he can’t show any of them.

Did you have any creative input into how Eris's voice would sound, or was it a collaborative effort with the production team and director? Were there any specific discussions about the character's vocal tone or style?

Definitely collaborative! His basic vocal character is very close to mine, with the musicality dialed up a bit so he can taunt everyone so well. Where my director really helps is pushing me to find the different levels to his interactions - when he’s teasing (often), when he’s antagonizing (mostly with Cassian), and when he’s speaking from his heart (VERY rarely, usually to or involving Morrigan).

What actors (voice, stage, film, etc) have inspired you? And did any actors or other characters help inspire your performance for Eris?

Hoo boy. Too many to list! For something like Eris, a lot of inspiration from Tom HIddleston’s Loki, Tom Cruise’s Lestat de Lioncourt, and anything Jeremy Irons has ever done. Characters that you can’t take your eyes off of, even as you want to beat the crap out of them.

Were there any specific challenges or unique aspects to voicing Eris compared to other characters you've portrayed in the past? How did you adapt your voice to capture his essence?

Y’know, for all the dirtbags, murderers, literal monsters, aliens, and villains I’ve voiced, Eris is the one with the biggest heart. The biggest challenge is allowing him to have a deep want, hidden from even himself, for some tenderness, the one thing he has been denied his entire life. A character like Eris is easy to just have fun with and play as a smug prick (which he is), but he has moments of aching loneliness that make him much richer. SPOILER: One of my most recent favorite moments was playing Eris’ surprise and gratitude when receiving a “made” dagger for safekeeping. Eris can’t fathom trusting anyone else with something so powerful and important, because he simply wasn’t shown that level of trust or respect. The moment took him by such surprise. It was great to let myself feel that in the playing.

Do you have any advice for aspiring voice actors who are considering pursuing a career in Voice Acting? Any tips for breaking into the business and honing their craft?

Train your voice! I received excellent vocal training as part of my MFA (Master of Fine Arts) in Acting at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. I learned how to care for my vocal health, how to support with my breath, and how to modulate the dynamics of my voice for character differentiation as well as basic performance beats. You may not have the inclination for that level of training, but a regular voice lesson with a singing coach will give you similar techniques. In terms of breaking in: like anything of this nature, it’s relationships. Build a strong resume, but also build strong relationships with your collaborators and a reputation for reliability. Directors know that I’ll prepare so that I can make strong initial choices, but that I am more than happy to adjust my choices as needed to make the overall production its best.

[alluraaaa]

i do very much like the idea of baby butch lesbian pidge. or futch or however we wanna diagnose what she’s got going on in canon. but i’ve always seen her having a love/hate relationship with her femininity

when she first came out as trans she was veeery little and flocked to femininity like coming home. it was so easy to put on dresses and grow out her hair and play with girl toys. she wanted to!! and katie rolls off the tongue much easier than any other name, but her annoying brother still calls her that old nickname sometimes :/

(but it’s fine. it was pidge from pigeon. it was her first word. for some reason.)

and when she decides to sneak into the garrison detransitioning for the time being made sense. they’re looking out for a girl. with long hair. it’s the best plan she’s got. it’s for her family she can do it. she can do it she can just pick up the scissors… and…

pidge keeps his head down. doesn’t talk much, even to the two (other) guys he’s grouped with. doesn’t talk to them even as they all get launched into space with two more men. just five boys in a giant lion. guys night, right?

but soon enough it gets clear this isn’t temporary. this is real. they’re in this together. they have to mind meld and get along and be on the same wavelength twenty four fucking seven. pidge has to come clean.

so she does. she’s a girl. the name has grown on her but she’s a girl she’s she.

and the team accepts it. loves her regardless. hell, even saw through her botched haircut.

so… yay. she’s a girl and they know. but would they be okay with her being… girly? she’s missed the dresses and the hair and pretty flowers. yeah allura is all those things and they all like her just fine but would it be weird if pidge just suddenly gets girly? she likes the masc look too but damn she misses heels sometimes. she hates having to deal with her shortness

one day allura weasels all of this out of her and allura doesn’t take no for an answer. so pidge is dolled up in one of allura’s best dresses, face beat to the gods, hair done in the girliest style they can manage with her… whole situation. and she’s beaming at her reflection

then allura drags her to dinner, hiking up the skirt so she doesn’t trip over herself as she gets into her seat. pidge toughens up and waits for the laughs to hit her. for someone to assume pidge got roped into this and secretly hates it. the “uhh… who are you and what have you done with pidge?”

but none of that happens. shiro says she looks nice. keith likes the hair. hunk likes the dress. lance demands to get dolled up next.

if anyone notices pidge’s immovable smile for the rest of dinner, they don’t comment on it. and they don’t bat an eye when skirts and dresses make their way into the rotation of pidge’s outfits right alongside her pants and overalls

[candycorncremator]

Unfortunately lower visual quality than I wanted be because Tumblr only allows 10 images so I smushed them into three canvases instead of two post. Anyway beta trolls Headcanon and some thoughts below the cut.

Aradia

Aradia is the design I probably have the most experience drawing of the beta trolls purely because of how many zines I’ve drawn her in the last year. I like thinking of her hair similar to Pinkie Pies’ in g4 of mlp, where it’s very curly bouncy in her alive and godtiered forms but straightens out more when she’s ghosting up the place and in Aradia-bot form. I didn’t realize until a recent zine I had been drawing her horns ways too low for comic accuracy but I am a creature of habit so I keep drawing them like that.

Tavros

I’ve grown to love this kid because of my recent reread but I do not like drawing them. Between the Mohawk and the long, straight horns, I don’t care to draw their most important traits so he unfortunately only gets drawn in these group drawings. As for the one ear being pierced, it’s kinda a reference to cow tags but also I think it just fits them.

Sollux

Sollux a pretty easy character to design. I just have to imagine a greasy nerd kid growing up too fast for him to put on weight, add his troll bits and voila. The snake bites are definitely a hold over from the humanstuck I made for him last year but I think it just kinda add to his whole vibe. The undershirt comes from someone who also sits in a hot-ass room most of my days and will wears a second layer so leaving the room won’t feel like stepping out into a frozen wasteland.

Karkat

Karkat for me has always been short and stout guy. Other than that most of his facial features are taken from me, being someone who also over exaggerates their faces and nearly always is squinting a little.

Nepeta

Between all my designs of Nepeta the only thing that ever changes with any consistency is her hair. Like giving her cleft lip scar because I gave it to my fan-descendent of her and it’s cute.

Kanaya

Like two months ago I saw a post on here saying give that girl a nose (in reference to Kanaya) and it was the single most true HC I have ever seen. I also like completely throw out any references I have of her when I draw her hair because I think she should have 1930’s waves and curls. I typically only have to draw the super simple eyes so the only thing I had to change was giving her actual eyes.

Terezi

Got pretty comic accurate but probably would erase some of the chin to imply she’s fat a little better if I wasn’t doing this more rigid style.

Vriska

Also pretty comic accurate with the exception of the snake bites which is probably because I don’t draw her a lot and I don’t think about her much enough looks wise to have any specific head canons.

Equius

Goodness his hair gave me a struggle, kept on looking like a balding metal head until I added the pushed back stuff. Also returned back to drawing pseudo animal ears by giving him horse ears only angle to better fit a humanoid head.

Gamzee

I hate their make-up but every thing else about drawing them is a dream; goat ears, not straight hair, simple horns, silly little guy. What more could I ask for.

Eridan

And I’m almost done but unfortunately this doofus is next and requires the most detailed bust even in canon. Due to drawing them in this year’s 413 countdown I know how I like styling their hair and fins so I basically just chop the hair up since this is suppose to be during comic hcs and then follow their canon and Pesterquest designs with a few added features and boom. I was drawing everyone with the dark grey lips but I forgot for Eridan so I’ll just say they use concealer on their lips.

Feferi

Yippee! Back to ignoring canon and just giving her the biggest eyes on account of her glasses and cute piercings. I originally based her fins off of lion fish fins but they’re definitely more based off of betta ventral fin now.

[bunniekittiee]

A/N: this is my first TCM fic and also the first self-insert fic I’ve written. I forgot whose post it was, but someone had made a conversation (a v silly one) between Drayton and Johnny about him liking the meat to be tenderized and I just wanted to mention that lol. I tried to make them all in character but I probably did not do the best job. I know it’s kind of short and on a cliff hanger, but I just wanted to crank this out. Maybe I’ll return to it :)

Also not proof-read.

————————————————————————————————————————

His eyes raked up and down your body, waiting for a fight back. Waiting to rumble. Waiting like a predator. But all the fight in you was gone, and as your eyelids fluttered and your mind went in and out of consciousness, he paced around your body that had laid on the dirt road. This was too easy, he thought you had so much more to show for. However, he was proven wrong.

“Ya’ know sweet pea, I hate bein’ proved wrong.” A chuckle slipped past his lips, sweet and smooth like chocolate. If he was a normal man, opposite of mentally unhinged, his voice would be beautiful to the ears. But all you felt was repugnance.

“Awe, ya’ ain’t got no fight in ya’ no more?” He questioned with a smirk. “Ya’ had one hell of a mouth, cat got your tongue?”

Gritting your teeth, you scowled at him despite the upper hand he had. If you were going to die, why not make it miserable for him?

Kneeling down, he stared into your eyes with his body tense at your defiance. “Ya better fix that face of yours, sunshine, before I have ta’ fix it for you. Otherwise, Bubba will enjoy carving that pretty face of yours off.” He grinned wildly like a deranged creature.

You whimpered at his words as you tried to move back, but your body did not cooperate. It was weak, exhausted, and badly injured. His grin almost seemed to get wider as he watched you try to move away from him.

“I ain’t that scary, am I darlin’? You ain’t seen scary yet, the Bad Man hasn’t made his appearance yet.” He moved from his position and began to pace around your strewn body. “Ain’t nothin’ to be afraid of.”

The revolting sound of a powered chainsaw bounced around in the air as it echoed into the night. “Well, the only thing you need to be afraid of is my family. They ain’t take too kindly to strangers.” He clucked his tongue. “Not at all.”

Your breathing was uneven as you closed your eyes to try to ignore the fiery pain that your body felt engulfed in. The anxiety pooled in your stomach, waiting for your misery to end.

“Why can’t you just kill me already?” You asked as your voice wavered.

His eyes seemed to light up in the wake of your question. “Easy answer darlin’, I just like ta’ watch innocent girls like ya’ suffer.” He laughed manically as your tears slid down your face. There was no way to make it out alive. “Oh don’t ya’ cry now, sweet thang. I promise I’ll go easy on ya’.”

Crying out, he picked up your body like a rag doll. You were limp as your bones held an awful ache. It ached to the core. The screeching sound of the chainsaw got closer and closer as he neared the house he called home, but you knew it was your own hell.

“Y-you got her, d-d-didn’t ya’ Johnny?” The one with the red birth mark jittered out as he twitched uncontrollably. He was the one who caught Ana in one of his traps. Poor Ana. Your heart broke as you realized you were the last of all your friends to be alive. And you were being taken into their home while your friends laid dead somewhere at the hands of your captors.

“Sure did Nubbins.” Johnny said proudly.

“She’s quite a purty one.” The girl giggled as she studied your limp body and face. “She would fit into Bubba’s collection of masks perfectly.”

“She ain’t for a mask. At least, not yet.” He laughed as you whimpered in dread. “Not until I’m done with her.”

You could not see very well, all you could see were the filthy wood flooring that was long overdue for a cleaning. You saw the corner of a table come into your vision as he set you down, quickly tying you up tightly to the chair. The man with the birth mark and the girl followed you both to the table to sit. The big, burly man with the chainsaw entered the room as well. You started to scream, noticing you were sitting in a chair that had human body parts attached to it. The others cackled like a pack of hyenas with the exception of Bubba. As you wailed, Johnny tried to concentrate as you thrashed around with what little energy you had left in your body.

“Sit still! Would ya’?” He said angrily as you continued your little outburst. He placed a hand on your cheek to calm you down, until you moved your head and latched onto his hand. You bit down on his tender flesh hard. He was still human. He could still get hurt, feel pain.

Pushing your head back forcibly to unlatch your mouth, he snarled as he slapped you hard. It reverberated across the room. Bubba flinched at the sound and made quiet, concerned grunts. “Ya’ better be fuckin’ grateful ya’ stupid slut! Ya’ might end up on the menu yourself if ya’ do that shit again.” Nubbins began to laugh uncontrollably at your degradation.

“What in the hell is all this damn noise!” yelled the old man who led you and your friends to this hell. The man at the gas station. He whipped his head in your direction. “Oh you bastard! You better get rid of the girl quick Johnny! We don’t need another situation like last time!”

Johnny finished tying you up and began to gag you to avoid future bites. “She ain’t like the last one. She’s different, ain’t that right, sweetheart?”

Your sobs were muffled by the gag. Eyes wild like a frantic prey animal, you tried to fight your way out of your bonds. But the rope dug into your soft flesh, burning and ripping into your skin.

The old man shook his head. “We don’t need another mouth to feed, let alone a love child of yours to spring out! You know how your mother would feel about that.”

“Oh lighten up, Cook!” The girl said as she looked in your direction. “Sometimes a girl like her just needs ta’ be taught a lesson so she knows her place.”

“Last time the kid tried to keep a girl captive, her death brought too much attention! We don’t need another situation like that again! That’s why this one is sitting in the chair.” He grumbled as he got closer to you and Johnny. “I reckon it’s a bad idea!”

Johnny’s expression looked annoyed. “I know what I’m doin’ old man. Don’t you like your meat tenderized before cookin’?” He said as he smirked with pride.

The Cook’s face scrunched up. “You are disgusting, boy. Raised like a pack of wolves, all of ya’!”

They all laughed at his statement except for you who cried more and more. Your cries fell on deaf ears. There was no remorse here. You fell right into the devil’s clutches.

Another woman entered the room who eyed you with such revulsion as if your presence was a huge nuisance. “Oh no you don’t boy!”

Johnny looked up and slightly smirked. “Come on, Ma. This one just needs to be taught a lesson. Sissy even said so.”

“To hell you are! That girl ain’t nothin’ but trouble, boy!” She spat as she argued with her son.

“Oh Ma, I already caught the girl and took extra precautions! It ain’t that big of a deal.” His blood pressure began to rise as he continued his argument. You knew your fate was bouncing between these two maniacs.

“No means no, son! You ain’t keeping her!” She said as she sat down at the table. “You best say your goodbyes soon.”

Animosity lingered in his eyes as his body trembled with anger. You felt it radiating off of him and it spiked your heart rate. The snakes in your stomach coiled tightly as you began to sweat in fear of your inevitable death. “I’m keepin’ her whether you like it or not.”

“You are so defiant today Johnny. This girl is changing you already and it hasn’t even been that long since you tied her up.” His mother said as she shook her head in disappointment.

You noticed there was one more seat missing next to Nubbins. How many people were in this damn family?

“Man, cut the damn arguing both of ya!” said another man with the same exact birth mark on his face but on the opposite side. He had long hair, but he looked extremely ill with his pale skin. “We need more peace in this house for cryin’ out loud!”

“Yeah, yeah, more peace!” mimicked the other who you presumed was his twin.

“Shut it, Chop Top!” The Cook yelled out. “Tired of all this damn yelling. Just eat!”

They all began to serve themselves questionable meat that made your stomach churn more and more as the smell invaded your nasal passages. It tickled your throat as you felt the urge to vomit.

“Want some darlin’?” Johnny offered as he waved the food underneath your nose. You clenched your eyes shut and turned your head to the opposite side to avoid throwing up.

“Sh-she ain’t like our food.” Nubbins stuttered as he ate sloppily. “Hopefully she c-comes around one day.”

“Oh she’ll come.” Johnny said quietly as his voice deepened slightly. You internally felt sickened.

Chop Top giggled. “Nasty bastard.”

Dinner was an awkward and fearful affair for you. But for everyone else, it was their normal. Bubba continued to glance at you but you felt it was out of curiosity rather than perversion. He must not be used to having a meal sit at the table with them. You avoided locking eyes with any of them and stared down at the table. You accepted your defeat which made Johnny much more happier. You wouldn’t put up much of a fight anymore. Closing your eyes, images of your friends’ dead bodies filled your head. Their bloodied, beaten bodies that tried to escape the hell they crossed into.

As time passed achingly slow, you began to doze off from exhaustion. You weren’t sure what was going to happen after dinner. You did not know what Johnny had in mind, well, you did but you did not want to think about it too much.

[in-death-we-fall]

Sex, Drugs and One Armed Groupies

...is gonna be the title of this since there kinda isn't one. Scans were posted by @fuckyeswednesday13 a long time ago. I really liked this article and now it's nice and easy to read (especially the columns. Ask me how much I hated the columns.) Enjoy! (drive link)

UPDATED FULL VERSION HERE

The Big Day Out. The Australian travelling musical circus that steamrolls its way around Australia and New Zealand every winter with the hottest bands on the planet flying from all over the globe to join down under’s best bands in a mayhem filled fortnight. This year’s line-up, features among others, The Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age, Jane’s Addiction, Jimmy Eat World, The Hard Ons and deathglam monstrosities, the Murderdolls. So far, the Mid West (sic) based five-piece outfit have been the cream of the festival, appropriately headlining the ‘Essentials’ stage. This is the band’s first time in the Antipodes and quizzical music fans have crowded to see the much-talked about live set. With Sydney copping the biggest crowds of all the legs on the tour, the band are preparing something special. But at 3pm in the afternoon you wouldn’t know it. Most of the band are still in bed from the night before, well, actually… the week before.

The ‘Dolls have been in Sydney for five days before their Big Day Out show and not finding much to do early on in the week they’ve just been getting down to the (sic) rock’n’roll’s most popular pastime: hard drinking. Drummer ‘Big’ Ben ‘The Ghoul’ Graves and bass player Eric Griffin are recovering from last night’s binge. While singer Wednesday and guitarist Joey Jordison are recovering from the night before the night before. Acey Slade, who maintains his sobriety, but still stays out ‘til dawn, has been up since 11am and is the only one ready for the show. With the band on stage at 7:15pm, things need doing. Staggering through their beer can and ‘paraphernalia’-strewn rooms to the showers, they’re down in their van and on the way out to the Big Day Out site just after 4pm.

Situated at the same place that hosted the Sydney 2000 olympics, the festival facilities are first rate and the sell-out crowd of 52,000 festival-goers are making the most of it. The temperature’s pushing a blistering 35°C and being the middle of a drought-ridden summer in Australia, everything’s dry, dusty and cracked. It’s a good 40-minute drive from the city to the festival and the sun’s stinging in through the van windows. Not big fans of the sunlight, the Murderdolls have got their leather jackets up over their heads to avoid even the slightest hint of a tan.

In the cool, air-conditioned shade of backstage I get to sit down with Joey Jordison and singer Wednesday 13 to gind out how the band are doing after their meteoric rise over the past eight months. Joey is straight down the line, measured and professional. “This si the first Big Day Out for all of us. Slipknot have only been down here once but not that (sic) this festival. This is something I’ve really wanted to play – something I’ve wanted to do for a really long time.”

For Wednesday, this is another notch on his rise as an international rock’n’roller. “It’s awesome,” he says. “I’ve always wanted to be out on the front of a rock’n’roll band at a festival like this. After struggling doing my own band for six years I actually quit my job back in April and I’ve been touring every since. I’ve done all the things I ever dreamed about. I’ve been to Europe three times, Japan twice and here we are now in Australia and that has all been pretty much in the last six months! Holy shit we’re doing some things that some bands have never done!”

“We just checked out the videotape from the Auckland show the other day and fuck man, it was awesome!” enthuses Joey. “People are saying we are pulling the most people to that stage out of everyone. Our band has been doing really well especially since we’ve only been going for a short time. We hope that after the BDO we’ll be able to come back and do some real headlining shows down here. We are having fun though, thinking about it, we’ve never had so many days off between shows before, it’s more like the Big Day Off!”

The band wasn’t supposed to be so idle. Most overseas bands on the BDO bill play a bunch of satellite shows in various cities around the country and for a month prior, the Murderdolls had been slated to perform a Sydney show with fellow US rockers The Deftones. But with very little warning, the Murderdolls were dumped from the bill just before the show. What really pissed off Joey and the lads was a lot of the Murderdolls fans had bought tickets on the basis that the band would be playing but in the end had to watch the Deftones supported by ex-At The Drive-In chancers, Sparta.

Without much choice in the matter the Murderdolls issued a statement on their website apologising to their fans and kept trying to fly their flag with some instore appearances at local record stores. One in particular at Utopia Records, was insane. There was such a roar when the band turned up, they looked truly surprised at the number of kids who had showed up, most dressed in black and red outfits.

“Someone told us there was only going to be about 150 kids, which was supposed to be a good turn-out for Utopia records for a new band,” retells Joey. “But when we turned up there (sic) almost 500! We talked to fans and signed everything that they had. We were there for a good three and a half hours. And at the Channel V interview it was pretty much the same story. Hordes of kids that wouldn’t let us get away.”

“That’s the cool thing with our fans,” explains Wednesday. “We’re not a radio band or an MTV band with this created army of little kids which I think is more pure than being the Number One radio band or liking it because someone tells you to like it. I know that our fans are real. It is really cool to see these hordes of kids show up, they are dressed like us, they know everything about us, it is just awesome.”

Thinking further ahead fans will be please to know the band are not going to let up on the groundswell already created by the Murderdolls. “I have to go back and finish recording some Slipknot stuff,” reveals Joey. “Then we (the Murderdolls) are going to do some more touring. There’s usually a three to four month sort of break between recording and when an album comes out so we are going to tour pretty much all the way from the end of May all the way to maybe the beginning of October. Which will be good because there’ll be less sunlight at that time of year,” jokes Wednesday raising his non-existent eyebrows and throwing his arms, heavily tattooed with b-grade horror heroes, into the air.

As the hot afternoon drifts into an only slightly less simmering evening, there’s a small problem with guitarist Acey. He’s got indigestion. This amounts to a small crisis because first aid officials must follow procedure and administer the medicine. This takes two St. John’s Ambulance men on pushbikes in a five minute ride from their base at the side of the main stadium. Very un-rock’n’roll indeed.

With the gig just 45 minutes away, the boys are pacing around their trailer, having their pics taken for Hammer. Acey inside in front of the mirror still applying the last of his make-up, Ghoul is getting powdered up, Wednesday’s still with the photographer, while Joey’s nervously pacing around, in the trailer, out the trailer, back in… Eric meanwhile is ready for the stage and cracks open the obligatory bottle of Jack Daniel’s. As a Murderdolls ritual, they’re applying the slap, the band have to listen to Kiss. “Must. Have. Kiss.” stipulates Joey. “‘All American Man’! We sometimes change that to ‘All American Ghoul’,” chimes in the Ghoul.

Just 10 minutes before showtime and the long lanky frame of Ben Graves is stretched spider-like up against the dressing room wall. “I’ll be in pain afterwards,” he explains. Wednesday has by now finished his solo shots with Hamer’s photographer. The day is hot enough anyway, and under the photographers lights the heat is even more stifling. ‘Jesus, it’s fucking hot!” exclaims the frontman. “But I don’t mind… I’m a naturally dead person in front of a camera” he laughs.

More Kiss blares out from the dressing room, this time ‘Dr Love’! Then the moment comes: ground fucking zero at the Big Day Out! The band clamber into the van and head around the back way to the Essentials stage. The bottle of Jack’s being passed around as they approach the stage the band take a quick peak (sic) to see how the crow’s building up. It’s the biggest yet, taking up most of the grassy area out the back of the main stadium. Joey – who regularly suffers from pre-gig nerves as his pre-stage vomiting on Slipknot’s ‘Disasterpiece (sic)’ DVD proves in all its technicolour glory – is bricking it.

Five minutes before the band are due to hit the powerchords and the guys are milling around in the wings. Ghoul is banging on some warm-up pads and everyone is getting psyched. They’ve left the Kiss CD backstage so they have to hum ‘All American Man’ together. Then they make their way to the stage.

A couple of huge Murderdolls logos adorn the stage and in an eruption of noise and energy, the Dolls take the stage and instantly kick off with ‘Dawn of The Dead’. Jordison in black leather Gestapo hat is jumping around stage left, Acey is wailing away stage right while Eric bangs away on the bass doing his best Nikki Sixx impression, while the Ghoul wrecks the trap kit. Wednesday is the last to take the stage and screaming, “We are the dead, coming for you!” And the crowd goes fucking wild.

The kids down the front, dressed up in full glam-goth regalia, know every word and sing along fervently with the band while among the throng watching from the side of stage are some of the biggest names in the Australian music industry. Members of bands like 28 days, Machine Gun Fellatio, Cog, Jimmy Eat World, Pre-Shrunk, and Sparta all stand wide eyed and mouths agape at the outrageous rock revisionism being unleashed onstage.

By the time the band have launched into ‘I (sic) Was a Teenage Zombie’, ‘Let’s Go To War’ and ‘Slit My Wrists (sic)’, the crows know what they’re in for. Most who have showed up for curiosity (sic) sake are still hanging around, but if anything the crowd is building and everyone looks like they are right into it having fun. The intro to ‘Twist My Sister’ is a kid’s nursery rhyme ‘Old McDonald’ which gets the whole crowd singing along.

Unbelievably, some lunatic in the crowd starts throwing bangers at the stage, but the fireworks only make it as far as the front row of fans before blowing up in their faces. Wednesday tries to get the guy to quit while geeing up the rest of the crowd. “All the people down the front tell the people at the back to ‘Die Die Die… my bride!’ he yells as the band grind into the song…

Today’s set includes two new songs, and we can report that both are killer kitsch rock rippers. The first, set for legendary status is called ‘The Devil Made Me Do It… And I’ll Do It Again’ while the second is the set closer, a crowd sing along gem ‘I Love to Say Fuck’. Wednesday grabs his big black umbrella, emblazoned with the word FUCK, Eric, Acey, and Joey are going crazy, jumping up and down in unison, Ghoul is all arms and legs behind the kit while Wednesday is right down in the crowd’s face urging them to stick their fingers in the air and yell ‘Fuck!’. It looks great to watch. “It isn’t choreographed,” says Wednesday later. “Everything’s pretty much spontaneous. There are some things like we all jump on an ascent in the music or whatever but everything else is stuff that just happens on stage.”

They (sic) crowd are almost passing out from the combination of frenzied activity and the extreme heat, but still manage to scream out for more as the band leave the stage. “A lot of people don’t know that’s what drives a show,” explains Wednesday about his relationship with the audience. “You have to make fans feel part of the event and I think we do it better than anyone else.”

The band then jump back into the van for the two minute trip back to their dressing room behind the main stage. When they get back there the guys are all super hyped up. Excitedly buzzing around their dressing room, drinking beers, telling jokes. Joey is busy analysing the gig, and the BDO circus in general. He and Wednesday have got an interview to do with Australian TV scheduled for 8:45pm. It’s almost 9pm and Joey has another issue: “I want to eat! I must eat before I talk!” he exclaims. The interview is postponed for 20 minutes.

Bass player Eric is hanging around, so I grab him for a quick chat. Of all the Murderdolls, Eric seems the shyest but is probably the one most up for anything, especially if it is party related. He may only be small, (even in his Ace Frehley six-inch platforms he’s still barely average height!) but he’s a true rock’n’roller with a party attitude to match. “‘Machine Gun Fellatio’ that’s a cool fuckin’ name,” he squeaks discussing some of the other bands on the BDO bill. And he does squeak, kinda, like annoying Brit ‘comedian’ Joe Pasquale.

I bring up the fact that esteemed record producer, Nick Launey (Silverchair, INXS) was side of stage watching the show and had an interesting story to tell me about Eric. “I think I know where this is going,” smiles Eric slyly. “I met him about two years ago in LA at a party and we were all fucked up. I got dragged down three flights of stairs by my hair and he reckoned it was the biggest rock’n’roll moment of ‘00 for him. First impressions count, man.”

“It was so rock’n’roll!” Launey informs me later. “It was the launch of Orgy’s album and they had these models dressed as prostitutes lying on a bed and Eric jumps up on the bed with them, which of course you weren’t allowed to do. So the bouncers are dragging him out by his hair, kicking and screaming, down the stairs. His head was literally bouncing down each stair like a cartoon character and all the while he’s just got his middle fingers up on each hand and is yelling out ‘Fuck You!’, ‘Get Fucked!’, ‘Fuck you, mind the hair!’ Somehow he got back into the party and I asked him ‘how’s your head?’ and he just said “Whaddya mean?” - it was just so rock’n’roll!”

Eric has pre-arranged with their tour driver to take him over to the Boiler Room, where the BDO’s electronica acts are playing. He wants to see German electronic innovators Kraftwerk. “One of the bands I was in before the Murderdolls was very digital and computer based,” he reveals. “Kraftwerk don’t do a lot of live shows and I don’t think I’ll ever get the opportunity to see them again. They’re pretty important to the genre and even if I catch just 10 minutes of their set I think it will be worth coming over. A short ride through the back entrance, we arrive at the Boiler Room and manage to get in, via a bit of a labyrinth, through the backdoor and into the main arena just at the side of the stage. The Kraftwerk guys are standing robot-like in front of their computers while the huge dome-like venue is dripping with sweat from the 10.000+ strong punters who have basically been locked in the room all day listening (sic) the dance bands. We get a good vantage point but after about five minutes we’re leaving. “Jeez! That was the most boring piece of crap I’ve seen!” exclaims Eric when he gets back to the dressing room. “But it was worth going because I scored some drugs!”

Acey’s just hanging around backstage with his camera and a little doll from The Nightmare Before Christmas. He has a ritual where he takes a photograph of the doll in front of landmarks all around the world. “I have him in front of the Eiffel Tower for instance,” he says. “The other day I took a pic of him in front of the Sydney Opera House.” And with that he takes a photo of the doll sitting in front of a sign that says ‘Sleazy’. Hmmm. Odd man.

Acey and Eric are loving every minute of the Murderdolls ride. They’re both on their first trip to Australia and according to both of them it is (sic) has been “Cool as hell!” “The Gold Coast was really on,” says Eric. “It’s been kinda mellow since we got to Sydney because we’ve had four or five days off before this show so we’ve just been trying to find out what’s been going on. It’s been building gradually… and we’ve been partying a lot – maybe too much,” he adds sheepishly. Rick the tour manager – who’s passing by – agrees: “Yep, they’ve been very naughty boys – they’ve got to go to bed early tonight with no supper,” he jokes.

“He knows we’re the most dangerous band on the tour,” counters Eric. It’s a fact that seems to deter any other bands partying with the Murderdolls too. “The only band that has even reached out to us are the guys in Jane’s Addiction, in particular, Dava Navarro,” offers Acey. “He actually came out of his way to come over and introduce himself. And pretty much comes up and talks to us everyday he sees us along with the drummer, Steven [Perkins]. Everyone else is just kinda like, ‘What’s Up?’ Maybe it’s because we don’t look like we’re the most approachable band. Then again no-one has done anything to piss us off at all.”

No one may be talking to the Murderdolls but there is talk of the Murderdolls all over BDO. Most centres around their appearance with most Australian musical luminaries agreeing the band are the best dressed at the festival. One member of Aussie band the Resin Dogs even goes as far as to say, “The Murderdolls rock the wardrobe”. Acey is kinda flattered but non-plussed by the comments. “What image?” he exclaims. “This is how we are all day! Obviously we knock it up a notch for the show but this is the real thing. We don’t care if people like us as sexual deviants or not, but one thing’s for sure – they’ll fucking remember us.”

Big Ben Graves strides over to join us at the table. “Did I hear the words sexual deviant?” he announces in his deeply rounded US accent. “I’ve always been like that! Some people have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other – I just two devils. There is NO voice of reason!”

We ask him if he has had any interesting adventures since he’s been in Australia and then instantly regret it…

“Dude, it has been nothing but interesting adventures. For instance last night, he (indicating Eric) he almost screwed a one-armed girl!”

“She had three tits and one arm,” giggles the dimunitive (sic) bassist.

“Yeah. It was weird,” continues the Ghoul, “one of her arms was like a stump and it looked like it had a nipple on it. I must admit I almost fucked her just for the freakiness of it.”

And with that starter for 10, the Ghoul is off. He starts ranting on with these sick freak jokes that crack everyone up and inside a minute you get a window to his personality. “Our drummer is one bona fide sick fuck,” jokes Wednesday of him later. “He stills (sic) freaks us out. I’ll just look at him sometimes and say to myself, ‘holy shit, dude, what planet are you from?’”

“It was weird on the Gold Coast,” says Eric, picking up on the tour adventure thread. “The girls there were the hottest chicks I had ever seen in my life but by the same token I had never got as much shit for the way I look than I have there as well. It was like two opposite poles. At first it was, ‘hey freak, where’s the funeral?’ and the next was, ‘sit down have a drink with us.”

“As far as people looking at you weird, I found Sydney is where I got the stares,” admits the Ghoul. “Sydney sucks! Although we did have some girls staking out our hotel which was pretty funny and I did have an over-zealous fan thrown out of the bar. The guy was just touching me a little more than he should and I didn’t like it,” he says animatedly. “I was like, ‘man, don’t make me waste this perfectly good bottle of Heineken by breaking it over your head. I’ve done it before’. Eric looks at him and says, “yeah he has!” But he was on something. I remember thinking ‘I want whatever he’s on… times ten!”

“I gotta say though, the Sydney crowd today was one of the best crowds we’ve had so far,” offers Acey as he joins the throng. “It was insane. It is good for us this tour, because the kids don’t know what we are all about yet so we have to prove ourselves. By the end of the set they all had their hands in the air.”

By this time Joey and Wednesday have finished their feed and their hastily re-scheduled interview and are looking for some more mischievous fun for themselves. “First of all, I’m going to go back over to the stage we played because there are a lot of kids hanging around over there still wanting to see us,” explains Joey. “Then after that, I’m gonna go directly where ever (sic) the free drinks are at…” Suddenly, Eric’s doubled over in the doorway of the dressing room. It’s been 45 minutes since he visited Kraftwerk in the Boiler Room and the pharmaceuticals are beginning to take effect. We ask if he’s OK. “Yeah man, I just think I’m gonna spew!” he grins. The rest of the band are baiting him ceaselessly.

“C’mon chuck it up man!” they urge and all crack up laughing together.

In the middle of all the commotion Wednesday is taking a piss in the corner of the dressing room. The place is a wreck: there are empty bottles of booze, food scrapes (sic), squashed fruit, hairdryers, make-up, boots, clothes (black and red if (sic) course) and of course a giant mirror. Wednesday is actually pissing into a bottle of Corona. At the same time I am just about to pick up my freshly opened bottle of Corona from the table which is besides (sic) a now suspicious looking bottle. “Yeah I always piss in the empty bottles,” giggles Wednesday. And then I leave ‘em on the table just to piss off anyone who might want to grab some of our rider or whatever. Just be careful just to get bottles from down there in the ice box, he laughs mischievously. Suddenly the oddly warm bottle in my hand seems less than appealing…

As the clock turns 1am the only people left at the stadium are the cleaners, the roadies and the still-partying Murderdolls. Last to leave, the van is parked just outside the dressing room and all I can see through the opened door is the Ghoul chucking around a baguette, now baked hard as a rock over the course of the stifling hot day. “Look at this - it could be used as a weapon to seriously maim you!” he screams bouncing the French loaf off the wall. A post vomit Eric cracks up, as the two hold a mock baguette joust oblivious to the outside world. They eventually make off back to their hotel room in the city, but don’t hang there for too long. The weekend lights of Sydney beckon and they cruise down William street in King’s Cross, to an underground rock venue called Club 77. It’s glam night, just their crowd and they spend the wee hours of the morning hanging out with fans and getting stuck into the sauce with a vengeance. Australia has officially been Murderdolled!

Blood and Glitter

Gavin Braddeley charts the rise of shock rock

Glam is hard evidence that what goes around comes around. Long dismissed as the definitive climax of 70s bad taste, in recent years glam rock has arisen from the grave, albeit with a veil of cobwebs draped over its original dusting of glitter. Originally a violent reaction to the 60s happy fad for all things natural, worthy, meaningful and drab, glam was all about being deliberately artificial, selfish, throwaway and garish.

In the States Alice Cooper was impaling baby dolls and throwing blood bottles around the stage from ‘70 onwards culminating in the vaudeville theatrics of the ‘Welcome To My Nightmare’ album/tour of ‘76.

Back in the UK, the Glam pioneer was lame pop pixie Marc Bolan (sic), photogenic frontman with T-Rex, who caused a sensation when he took to the stage on Top of the Pops in ‘71 with glitter under his eyes, clad in what looked suspiciously like drag. Never one to miss a trick, the lizard-like David Bowie soon jumped from the hippy ship to take on his otherworldly Ziggy Stardust persona.

The older generation may have thought that smearing make-up on your face and covering your clothes in sequins made you look like a ‘pooftah’. Alice Cooper got around this by replacing Glam’s overt ‘fagginess’ with ghoulish melodrama, prompting one critic to observe that Americans were more comfortable with necrophilia than homosexuality. And then came Kiss. Gene Simmons’ monstrous blood vomiting, fire breathing ‘Demon’ persona enslaved an entire generation of US children crossing Glam’s theatricality with heavy metal machismo to create one of the most influential bands in rock music history.

W.A.S.P. and Mötley Crüe supercharged Kiss’s sleaze and violence quotient to spectacular effect in the 80s, and provide the missing link between Glam and the Murderdolls, who happily cite the back-combed bad boys as a large part of their creative DNA. The chief inheritor of the Glam tradition in the last decade, however, is cross-dressing controversialist Marilyn Manson. Bowie may have metaphorically murdered his creation Ziggy Stardust in the summer of ‘74, while Bolan (sic) died more literally in a car accident three years later, but quarter-of-a-century on, Manson used his own dark arts to conjure their spirit on ‘Mechanical Animals’, his own tribute to pop’s most decadent decade.

Dead… and loving it!

The Murderdolls’ five favourite movie death scenes of all time…

The Murderdolls are proof positive that nothing gets some folks’ creative juices flowing quite so freely as a truly delicious cinematic death scene. Joey and Wednesday have a few favourites – both carnage connoisseurs identifying the ‘74 classic power toolfest The Texas Chainsaw Massacre as the gory cream of the crop – a movie currently being remade with a certain Mr. Manson in the soundtrack composer’s chair. (As a curious aside, you never actually see the girl hung on the hook – just a shadow – but such is the film’s sordid impact that most viewers swear you do!)

Joey 1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre “The girl on the hook.”

2. Friday The 13th Part IV “When the knife comes through the bed and impales the chick.”

3. The Exorcist “When the priest is hucked out through the plate glass window.”

4. A Nightmare on Elm Street “Where the girl is getting dragged across the rooftop.”

5. Necromancy “Where a group of devils and monsters take a girl apart.”

Wednesday 1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre “The girl on the hook.”

2. Dawn of the Dead “When the spiked ball comes down and rips the guy’s head apart.”

3. Phantasm “A silver ball hits the guy in the head and sucks out all his brains.”

4. Hellraiser “Where (sic) the end sequence where the guy is being chased by all these hooks. They attach themselves to him and rip him apart.”

5. Nightmare On Elm Street “Where Freddy rips out the guy’s veins and uses them like strings controlling a puppet.”

Schlock n’ Roll

B-movie classics that have influenced shock rockers of now and then…

Some horror movies are best watched not so much with your tongue in your cheek, as thrust firmly through it, films that by accident or design are more about fun than fear. The same could be said of numerous horror loving bands, including the Murderdolls, where an ‘everyday is Halloween’ ethos prevails. Here are a few examples of B movie blood fests which may not have won any Oscars, have been paid tribute to by schlock loving bands over the years…

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1957) It is no surprise that the mother-of-all cult movies inspired the mother-of-all cult bands, and when Glenn Danzig created a label to release early Misfits material he dubbed it ‘Plan 9’. Frequently voted the worst movie of all time with its ludicrous script, mind bogglingly bad special effects, cardboard sets, and even more cardboard artistry, Plan 9 From Outer Space is irresistibly entertaining. Directed by the cross-dressing caliph of crap Ed Wood Junior, featuring proto-goth babe Vampira and Bela Lugosi (dying of drug addiction, he was replaced mid production by a stand-in who looks nothing like him).

The Abominable Dr Phibes (1971) Featuring horror cinema’s kind of camp Vincent Price as the fiendish Phibes, avenging the death of his wife using maniacal methods borrowed from the biblical plagues, all against wonderful, strangely psychedelic sets. Also possessed of a strange psychedelic sensibility are punk pioneers the Damned, though in the 80s, lead singer Dave Vanian’s horror sensibilities took centre stage, attracting a goth following. The 80 track ‘13th Floor Vendetta’ is a classic example of the band’s game-topping which, if you listen carefully, is all about ol’ Doc Phibes.

Mars Attacks! (1996) Director Tim Burton’s tribute to the drive-in shockers of the 50s and 60s, Mars Attacks! was actually based upon a ‘62 series of bubblegum cards, discontinued because of their gruesomely graphic pictures of earthlings being exterminated by alien invaders. As such this inspiration might suggest Mars Attacks! has little by way of plot, but for anyone with a weakness for vintage schlock sci-fi it’s a true Technicolor treat. This must certainly include the Misfits and when they reformed, they did so without the blessing of founder Glenn Danzig, but with their monster movie obsessions intact – among a multitude of horror movie tributes on their ‘97 comeback album ‘American Psycho’ was ‘Mars Attacks’ (and even an instrumental coincidentally titled ‘Abominable Dr Phibes’!)

I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957) The drive-in movies of the 50s and 60s typically featured juvenile delinquents or monsters, and this bargain-basement effort delivered both in one lurid package. Before becoming ‘Pa’ on TV’s Little House on the Prairie Michael Landon stars as a troubled teen – though when he starts growing hair in strange places, it’s more than just hormones to blame. A howl from beginning to end, Teenage inspired a number on ‘Songs the Lord Taught Us’, the ‘80 debut from drive-in movie loving ghoulish rockers The Cramps.

Murder, mayhem and a right old mess

Minging Murderdoll tales from the Big Day Out

Who is the messiest Murderdoll of them all? Wednesday: “That would be Eric and The Ghoul. They are just messy as fuck. But you know you’ve just got to get used to living with these people. We’ve been on the road since July. You live on a bus for six weeks which means you’ve got (sic) live in everyone else’s shit.”

Who is the tidy anal doll? Joey: “No-one. We’re all pretty fuckin’ messy.” Wednesday: “I just took two garbage bags of mess out of my room. And just put it in the hallway. Just full of chicken bones and beer bottles and all sorts of shit like that, it was just smelling really bad so I had to get rid of it.”

So you do that yourself? Wednesday: “I don’t let the cleaning staff come into my room and tidy up. I put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign for the whole week I am there.” Joey: “The housekeepers are scared shitless to come into our rooms anyway so we keep it easy for them and put the ‘Do Not Disturb” signs up the whole time. They are going to be so scared to come into our rooms and clean up after we’ve been there for a fuckin’ week!”

[notexactlyrocketscience]

I hand-knit the folklore cardigan so [with my v important pointers] you totally can, too!

Pattern

Taylor Swift's folklore the "Cardigan" by Lion Brand (free)

I have several qualms about this pattern, and though it’s easy to comprehend for the most part, I kind of hate it. But! I have tips below so that you can use this free pattern and OG cardigan reference pictures to make the perfect finished project. It’s also super easy actually even if you’ve never done cables or a large project before.

Materials (used as recommended by the pattern)

Needles: Takumi Clover US 9 (5.5 mm), 29" circular needles—My first time trying bamboo needles and this brand, I LOVED it. It made continental knitting so easy and fluid. I would recommend longer cables to make the button band part less stressful, and perhaps smaller diameter needles to make the ribbing prettier

Lion Brand Wool Ease: see rant below

Buttons: 3 1.25"-diameter La Mode buttons (there are prettier ones out there though they can get frighteningly expensive, pick what you like)

A summary of issues

the sizing runs very large

the button band (and, by extension, side panels) is all wrong for sizes other than S/M (the whole pattern is based aound S/M with suggested alterations for other sizes)

the arms turn out way too long for any size if you follow the instructions

the back cables (and possibly some others) are spaced distinctly differently from the OG folklore cardigan from Taylor’s site

the suggested yarn (Lion Brand Wool Ease) is scratchy on sensitive skin, stiff, thicker, more fuzzy than the folklore cardigan (and sheds a lot!), and stretches a lot which makes the cardigan larger than expected

Biggest tips (if you want to knit a cardigan similar to the OG)

CHECK YOUR GAUGE

measure yourself to pick size, and size down

find a bunch of pictures of the OG cardigan in the size that you want & count the stitches from the photos + graph the Lion Brand pattern, and compare before you begin

make alterations as needed

DO NOT BLIND BUY LION BRAND WOOL EASE

My best advice would be to just do a big guage swatch (as recommended on the pattern), run it through the wash, block it, measure it, plus assume that the cardigan will additionally stretch out on your body whenever worn. (Also if you’ve never knitted a garment before, the individual pieces absolutely look bigger once assembled and seamed than when they do on the needles while being knit.) The button band will add some width as well.

The button band is the current object of my misery. The cardigan fits like a cute tent, but the buttons beginning near my stomach is a no-go. I would definitely recommend double checking the spacing of the buttonholes on the button band because I kind of wish I’d altered them a little bit according to how I want the front to look. But then, the side panels would have to start slanting higher up towards the neck, so the whole neck should have been a smaller V. And I don’t have the heart to frog all the way back to to that. Still wondering if I should just shift the buttons higher and redo the button band, but I might just leave it as is and call it a day.

The recommended yarn is Lion Brand Wool-Ease, but actually I regret using it because it’s so stretchy and bulky, so the cardigan turned out a lot more chunky (and a lot more stretchy too I’m guessing) than the OG. I even found the finished measurements on the pattern misleading due to the cardigan stretching due to its own weight.

The pattern also calls for very long arms so I would advise just doing 4.5 diamonds for the back and then 4 diamonds for the arms, just like the OG! I thought 4 diamonds would be too short but the off-shoulder fit makes 5 diamonds incredibly long for me, and 4 would have been perfect!

I’m not sure why the instructions were that misleading with the sizing—Partly it’s me messing up with my guage, but I’m thinking it might also be because Lion Brand was basing it off the OG folklore cardigans from Taylor’s website, which I’ve heard run immensely large in a similar fashion. Still, I’m not sure exactly how the sizing compares to that of the XS/S and M/L OG cardigans

I usually am an S for perfectly fitted T shirts, and I get M sized crewnecks/hoodies for a perfect, comfy, borderline oversized fit that isn’t snug over layers. I was confused between knitting the S/M and L/XL because I wanted an oversized fit. I worried the S/M might be too snug and figured it was better to err on the side of it being a bit larger than expected because it’s still possible to style that, while a too-small cardigan would just be unwearable. But I think sizing down is the best way to go for that pattern and yarn if you’re picking between two sizes. The S/M pattern would probably produced something that fits more like a regular L/XL you would expect to see in a store.

Also, the yarn is fuzzy and pills a lot! It’s also slightly scratchy even after conditioning. So I would say just pick a durable yarn that creates a fabric that you love first before you start the project!

The Lion Brand pattern’s back cables are spaced slightly differently from the OG cardigans. (The OG had some moss stitched space between the two left cables on either end and the group of other cables in the center.) There might be other differences too. I know there are some other patterns out there you can pay for and they might be more accurate to the OG, but I would recommend simply looking up pictures of the OG cardigan in the size that you’re aiming for, and then taking note of the differences and making the alterations yourself! The stitches are fairly easy to count!

I have a breadth of regrets about this project (and some of it is just post-project blues, y’know?), but you live and you learn, folks! And I definitely learned a lot from this project. :) Will come back here and update once I add the (very expensive) silver star patches I’ve been procrastinating to buy because I’m so broke and so sad about how it turned out. I’m confident all the time I’ve spent on her will culminate in me surely falling in love with her soon enough. <3

[writingsofwesteros]

Hello, coming from the daughter x Aegon one I’ve had a Daemon x daughter and Aemond x Daemons daughter in my notes for ages and I needed to send it in. It’s a little long…

For months Daemon had a young woman that he bought personally, just for him. She still had her maidenhood and her hair was the perfect shade of white, her eyes were the perfect shade of purple, dark inside but in the sun and the light they’re the perfect shade of violet. She’s a slave that was taken from the streets and forced into learning the ways of a man’s body. She wanted more, she wanted to do something with her life, maybe travel and see the world but she can’t. Now this woman was perfect to him she was still young (17/18) and Daemon have her everything she needed, she was the perfect play doll and he was her only hope.

What he didn’t know was that she’s his bastard daughter. When he found out through Myseria who was now dead at his hand for even letting this go on, knowing who she was to him. He wanted to be mad at her, he wanted to hate her this is his bastard daughter that he’s been fucking and doting on and loving but she had no idea herself. To her she was just a slave stolen from Lys, she wanted a better life and more for herself and being his whore gave her that. So she stayed. She just wanted out of her old life. She never wanted this life she had no idea at all but he’s just throwing insults and slurs her way, saying he wants her gone out of his home and gone as far away as possible.

The only thing is that she’s pregnant. She goes to him frightened for herself because imagine what would happen if people found out she was pregnant with Daemons bastard. They’d be after her. They’d want her dead thinking he cares when he doesn’t. Thinking it would be good revenge, Daemon isn’t short of enemy’s. He doesn’t want her here though, he wants her nowhere near him. Frightened for the babe she now carries too, she needs his help as she has no money, no home, no way to even get out of this pregnancy. She’s stuck her only help is Daemon.

Only for Daemon to send his bastard daughter and the babe she’s carrying away, she’s already got a bump, you can clearly tell she’s pregnant, she’s hysterical, she’s terrified and after everything they’ve done together, everything they’ve been through, he told her everything. She was his confidant, who he went to when he was upset, she was the one person who would help him and not think of him as weak for having emotions. She would bathe him when he’s wounded and wipe away his tears when everything got too much for him and he’s just going to send her away and act like nothing is happening? Like she isn’t pregnant with his child, like she isn’t lost, like she wouldn’t on the verge of death if people found out. Like she’s one of his old common whores?

He offers her money, he tells her to take the money and leave that that is all she’s getting from him. He doesn’t want to see her again, he doesn’t want to hear of her, he wants nothing to do with her or the as he said “abomination growing in your bastard womb”. She can’t even stand to look at him as she leaves, she takes the money he’s trying to buy her silence with and she’s gone. Tears streaking down her face, scared for the future and of what will happen to her but she’s gone now and there’s no point in begging him for help. He won’t he’s made that abundantly clear. So she gets on a boat and leaves.

She ends up getting a small cottage far away from everyone, from the villages and the public, surrounded by trees and greenery, it’s actually quite big three bedrooms a little kitchen and a place to eat, she supposes that when you have all the money she now does things like this are easy to come by. Over the months she buys things needed for the cottage and what her babe will need, there’s a maester in the village that she sees every few moons for health checks, lucky it’s all smooth sailing. When the time comes she births twin sons and she loves these boys with her entire heart no matter who their father is or how they came to be she knows in her heart that they will be her everything. The moment she looked into their eyes, she knew she would do anything and everything they wished of her all they need to do is blink them big violet eyes.

One day, on one of his flights Aemond lands on island - unknown to him who lives there, he knows there’s a village down the path but even that’s hours away so he thought it this area desolate. He lands Vhagar and decides to rest for a little, it’s peaceful and quiet, the opposite of Kings Landing and The Red Keep. While sitting down near Vhagar he spots two young boys, across from him, playing with sticks pretending they’re swords. He asks if they’re okay, unharmed and if they’re in need of help getting home because this place is empty there’s no one here, they couldn’t have come from the village as again, that’s hours away - well that’s what he thought when landing. There must be someone around here to take care of these boys. He gets up to go look around as the boys are frozen staring at Vhagar behind him until he hears this musical, mystical voice calling for her sons to come in for their dinner. He walks them back just to make sure it’s safe and they don’t come across some wild animal and this person isn’t some creep. He’s not heartless he can’t just leave them. He tells Vhagar he’ll be back, she’s just sleeping now.

Now when Daemons daughter spots this lithe man walking with her boys shocked, no one comes this far up. Ever. She doesn’t sew anyone unless it’s when they’re all in the village for some supplys. But she notices the hair and the eyepatch and let’s not forgot the big mountain of a dragon behind him and immediately knows who this is man is. It’s not hard he’s a prince of the royal family. Very clearly. Her cousin to be precise. She invites him in for food to be polite and as a thank you for walking the boys back home. He accepts and It’s a lovely meal and he appreciates that she cooked for him and invited him into their home but it’s getting late so he needs to head back.

She’s enjoying her time with him though, it’s nice talking to another adult and he’s fun to be around. Nothing like the stories she’s heard of him. She asks if he would like to stay as it’s getting dark, she has the spare room as it’s quite a large cottage. Now Aemond sees these two violet eyed children with bright white hair and the woman who is ethereal and also bearing the same violet eyes and white hair (let’s not forget she’s had two children, she’s got that mummy body, we all know he’s a sucker for a milf) he was immediately intrigued and agrees, this is an opportunity to do more digging as something isn’t right.

It turns out to be an amazing night, full of joy and laughs. The woman is lovely and her children are just the sweetest boys he’s ever had the pleasure of meeting. He’s played with the children in the garden (one of the boys likes bugs it reminds him of his sister Helaena) he helped her wash the dishes and they talked and he had tea with her in front of the fire. It was going well but then he asked about who their father is? And who her father is? And where she’s from? He’s not stupid he assumes they’re fathered by Aegon and he sent her away with some money to keep quiet and make a life for herself and the boys. She doesn’t want to tell him though as this is basically her first friend. She doesn’t want to scare him off but he tells her it’s alright, he won’t judge her. When she’s explained everything about her situation to him he’s shocked, fucking mind blown because what the fuck should he reply to that? What can he reply to that? It’s an awful situation to be in and she managed to make a good peaceful life for the three of them after everything.

He ends up leaving the morning after as he needs to go home or there’ll be search parties everywhere. Promising her that he’ll not whisper a word about the three of them to anyone and to keep her away from Daemon Targaryen as even he’s worried about what would happen. He says he’ll return in a few days with some things for the boys and more money and supplies. That’s all he can really do, they’re a sweet family and he would like to help, he hasn’t felt this calm in a while.

He kept his promise and visited a few days later with toys for the two boys and some money and seeds (he saw she had her own little fruit and veg garden going on). The thing is, it’s now been years and slowly but surely over the first few months he fell in love with this gorgeous woman and loves them boys as his own. He doesn’t want to hide her from everyone. He wants to love her in public, to marry her and show everyone who he’s devoted to. They’ve given themselves to each other entirely. It wasn’t the easiest as she is still healing Uber what happened with Daemon AKA her father. They hit there though and they’ve been in love now for ages and he wants to make a life with her.

He takes her to the Keep to introduce her to the family and see if anything what so ever can be done. She’s a Targaryen, she looks it, her children look it, the only thing is that they’re all bastards but if he could speak to his father he’s hoping that somewhere in his Rhaenyra filled heart he’d help him out. Honestly, getting his family to accept the three was easier than he thought. He explained her story (with her consent) told them if the last few years, how they met, how that’s where he has been going for days at a time, spending time with his little family away from his family - they thought he was just of on trips with Vhagar.

Now after hearing the backstory and everything that has happened Alicent needs a very big glass of wine, maybe the whole bottle, after finding out who they are even Otto had no idea what to even say, what could he say? It’s a shitty situation to be put in. Viserys though, he adores them already. This girl looks like his late mother, the same nose and smile, the way her eyes change shade reminded him of her mismatched eyes and her boys well they remind him of his late father and a young Daemon he doesn’t want to send them away it would break his already hurting heart. He legitimised all three, no one can say anything then. Not unless they want their tongue removed. As a gift of good will he even gives the boys dragon eggs from one of Dreamfyrwa clutches. They’re immediately in love with them. Helaena and her twins are already best friends, especially the one who loves bugs and animals, it’s nice speaking to another who likes her likes and Aegon is wondering if he’s been black out drunk for the past five years because he’s never seen these people in his life.

Now no one can even tell these boys aren’t Aemonds by blood and that he’s not even known them five years, to them this is a family that he’s been hiding since they had a small family only wedding (no blacks). Their father is Aemond and their mother is Daemons daughter they’re the perfect family to everyone who sees them. Settling in has been easy honestly besides the snide remarks from a few lady’s of the court who quickly shut their moths when Aemond appeared, even Alicent was calm, the boys are sweet and love to play with Jaehaerys and Jaehaera, little Maelor toddles along behind them, Aemonds wife helps Helaena get out more often and actually listens to her talking about bugs even giving facts of her own because of her son enjoying the same thing. Aemond has never been happier, seeing the three interacting with his Hightower family he loves it.

She’s now heavily pregnant with their third child, her stomach is quite big, they all think it’s twins again, there’s even bets on the genders. BUT! Rhaenyra is coming to talk about Luke’s claim to driftmark and with her comes her husband…

When Daemon and Rhaenyra do arrive to Kings Landing, Aemonds wife (Daemons daughter) has no idea what’s going on, she just knows that there’s a petition going on for Driftmarks throne, she doesn’t like all the politicking. When she’s eventually told of Daemon arriving with Rhaenyra - his wife - she’s immediately terrified and scared for her boys. This man left her, he left her in a time she needed help and needed some type of support and he didn’t even give her a second thought. She has something good going for her now, her and her boys are happy and thriving they’ve got little siblings on the way and this hateful man turns up ready to ruin everything for them.

She won’t say anything to him, the first time they see each other is in the hall and Daemon just stares in shock. While she looks away. She won’t cause an unnecessary argument, he showed her what she meant to him all those years ago. She has Aemond now and she would follow him to the ends of the earth if he so asked.

She’s absolutely beautiful, she’s glowing, pregnancy did wonders for her body and Daemon still to this day regrets having left her alone pregnant and scared, he didn’t mean anything he said to her he himself was terrified but nothing can make up for what he did and said. Even if he had a wife at the time (let’s ignore all the time differences and things I’m not figuring them out… it’s the magic of fan fiction).

After looking at the beauty that is his daughter he’s confused, he’s so very confused what’s his bastard daughter doing in court? And where is the child? Until he realises she’s with the Hightower cunts. They’re all doting on her and her belly and the babes inside of it, even Aegon is asking if she’s alright?!? He watches as Aemond looks him straight in the eye while kissing the crown of his daughters head. This one eyed boy took his lovely daughter from him and turned her into a green Hightower cunt?!? He married his eldest daughter, the mother of his child, who he is still yet to see. Where’s the child, he sent her off pregnant, she wouldn’t get rid or give the child up would she?

Through out the entire petition he’s staring at his daughter and her husband, which he has yet to say out loud, his nephew married his daughter. If he says it out loud, it’s true. Rhaenyra is watching curious at the fact this girl, she has no idea who, has gotten her husbands attention so quickly. It’s not until she notices the white hair and violet eyes that she can see the resemblance between her and Daemon, the longing in his eyes (which she mistakes for parental love not lust and want) that she realises this woman is Daemons daughter. Daemons bastard daughter who he never told her about. He clearly knows who she is from the looks he’s giving them but never told her. His wife.

When all is over and Daemon killed a guy they’re in their room talking and Rhaenyra brings up Aemonds wife asking if he knows who she is and where she came from and Daemon knows they’re married obviously, it’s obvious. She’s pregnant and Aemond (his nephew who did admire him not anymore though) was kissing and holding her, rubbing her swelling belly, it’s very obvious. Hearing it though is an entirely different thing, it makes it true. He ends up flipping telling Rhaenyra to speak nothing of that bastard girl. She’s not his daughter he hasn’t claimed her. She’s still a bastard. There’s no way he’s telling her about the babe that he put in her belly. No way. It would ruin everything.

Feast time. Viserys is there before Daemons daughter - she’s pregnant and not being carried, cut her some slack. Rhaenyra announces how it’s rude to be late and she should be here before the king as it’s the polite thing to do - she already does not like this girl due to her being Daemons daughter close with the Hightowers. And now comes the moment of shock for absolutely everyone. He tells her off. This bitch actually gets told by her father… you know, VISERYS!! Viserys to “Hold your tongue about my good daughter, she is with child. We all know how hard that is already.” everyone’s in shock. What was that? He just told off his perfect daughter? What? But then again this girl (his niece) has been here for an entire year, is 9 months pregnant, ready to pop, she reads his favourite books to him and dusts his model of Kings Landing, has her children around him all the time and brings his meals and she treats him normally like he’s not dying. She’s the best part of his painful existence at the moment. Her and her boys bring him so much joy. He loves telling them stories of Old Valyria when he can, they mostly talk to him but it’s a nice comfort.

When she arrives with Aemond she apologises but says the littles wanted to come too, they wanted to see their ‘pawpaw’ Viserys who smiles the brightest smile he can at the sight and giggles of the twin boys (his late fathers smile he reminisces (who have little dragons on their shoulder showing them off, they’re so proud of them. Python - due to the hisses one makes instead of roars and Hellfyre - due to the blend of black, red and orange scales he has)) he waves them over and asks Rhaenyra to move her seat down so he can sit his best boys next to him. She moves down looking confused as ever. It’s been however many years is he not happy to see her? Even Daemon is speachless and has no snide remark to make. His bastard daughter and their children - not Aemonds, HIS - have his older brother wrapped around their finger so much so that he ignores his pride and joy for them, going as far as to move her away from him?

Daemon hasn’t seen the babe yet, but when the twin boys come running in he again is feeling all types of guilt for what he put the three of them through, he knows nothing will ever make it for what he’s done, but looking at them he realises what he’s missed and given up. It hurts.

Helaena starts talking to one of the boys about bugs and what she’s recently found, Otto is smiling at Daemon and Rhaenyra like this is the best thing he’s ever seen, Alicent is playing with the other boy and he’s telling her about his walk in the gardens with Python, Viserys is just smiling at the sight and Aegon wants to know how women can create an entire life inside of them, arms, legs, hands, fingers everything but couldn’t grow back their own arm if it fell off… he’s drunk he has these thoughts all the time (everyone stops at that and no one has an answer and moves on like it’s normal).

During the feast everyone from Dragonstone is staring at Aemond, his wife and their children like they’re some prized out of space creatures. They’re all shocked, this woman and her two boys have Aemond acting soft and everyone’s fawning over her and the babes in her belly. That’s when Daemon starts asking the twins questions. How old are you? When did you come to Kings Landing? How long have your “parents” been together? And props to the twins because they answer every question they could and do it to the best of their ability. Viserys calls them his ‘smart boys’ and Daemon is ready to snap because after having all of these questions answered he’s realised these aren’t Viserys’ or Aemonds ‘smart boys’ they’re his boys. His seed. His children not Aemond ‘one-eyes’. He knew when they walked in but this confirmed it. He can’t say that out loud though in fear of Rhaenyra finding out. Every single one of them greens and Viserys know who’s they truly are and how they came to be and honestly they felt for the poor girl, no one should have to go through that. Daemons daughter or not.

Rhaenyra was starting to get mad. It’s like everyone but her knows something about this girl. This plain girl as far as she’s concerned, a bastard from Daemon and some whore. They’re all talking civilly and having conversations, Viserys is telling the twin boys about history and they’re so immersed in the stories and dragons that Daemon has a look of contentment in his eyes and regret? Why is Daemon looking at these boys and his bastard daughter like that? That’s all she is? He left her, clearly. I’d he cared he would have been there so what is she missing? She will find out what.

Dinners been going on for a while and everyone’s quite when Viserys stands to start is speech that they should set aside their grievances, blah blah blah… He reminds them that “the crown cannot stand strong if the House of the Dragon remains divided” blah blah blah… and then comes “To my daughter by law and my smart boys, I wish you the best for the future and may the new babes come safely and quickly. You will always find yourselves a place within this family. Cherish them Aemond, hold onto that love, that feeling because it can be gone so quickly. May the gods bless this journey.” Daemons pissed. That’s his daughter the fuck is Viserys talking about? Anymore of that and he’s about to blow.

Everyone makes their own speeches and they start to dance Aemond offered his wife his hand and she has the biggest smile on her face. This man is her moon. He lights her way when all is dark, he was her spark of hope, the light she needed to see past everything and allow herself to feel love again for someone other than he children. Meanwhile the little twins ask Baela and Rhaena like the sophisticated gentleman they are if they want to dance as well. The girls can’t say no when looking at their little faces, they try to spin them they’re just so short so they get span instead and they’re having fun while doing so and it’s all laughs and giggles that is until the roasted pig is brought out and Lucerys starts laughing and Aemond makes his final toast (Viserys has gone to bed my guy was keeling over).

“Final toast, to my nephews Jace, Luke, Joffrey each of them: handsome, wise…………….. StRoNg”

And it’s quiet all of a sudden, you could hear a pin drop (and Aegons giggles he’s trying to hold it in) until Daemon starts full on belly laughing. Everyone looks at him like he’s lost the plot and he just comes out with “My stepsons are very Strong yes. But how’re your sons? How’re the twins?” His daughter speaks up then “Our children are perfectly fine thank you. They’re lovely.” “Daemon? Should you not be calling me father? I am after all yours aren’t I?” It’s so quiet now everyone is watching including the maids and knights.

That is until Aemond speaks up ~ “You were never her father. You were the man who bought her and used her like she was nothing more than the dirt at the bottom of your shoe. You are nothing to her, nothing to us and certainly not anything to our two amazing boys.”

Daemon ~ “MY BOYS! THEY ARE MY BOYS! MY SEED, MY BLOOD. MINE!”

Aemond ~ “Are they? I remember recounting that you did not want them. Because you left. Actually she left. She was forced away and looked down upon because you were a married man with a new wife and you felt stuck. So you used her and when you got “stuck” with the consequences so you forced her away. You bought her silence. Scared and frightened and terrified of anyone finding her and slaughtering her and her children because she had no choice in the fact that YOU put your filthy cock in her and threw her away when finding out who she was. They aren’t yours. They will never be yours. She will never be yours. The only thing you will ever be and have ever been is a disappointment to all of those around you. Now I think my wife, my children and I shall retire to our chambers.”

Rhaenyra ~ “Wait. Your children? Daemon what do you mean by your children? That is your bastard daughter is it not?”

Now everything is out in the open and Daemon realised what a mess he’s gotten himself into. He should’ve just kept his mouth shut. For once. But he will not be laughed at and mocked behind his back by these green cunts. Aemond doesn’t care. His wife is a gentle soul who is still learning her place in this world. She won’t talk back to people just to avoid the conflict especially while pregnant, she reminds him of Helaena in that way. Aemond will be her voice though. For now and until forever.

Aemonds Wife ~ “I’d like to retire to bed now please. I’m not feeling too well all of a sudden.”

Rhaenyra ~ “Daemon them children are 6 years old. You have been with me for 7 years so how on earth are they yours? Because you wouldn’t have bed another woman, would you? You wouldn’t put me through that humiliation. Through that shame. You wouldn’t sleep with a girl, your daughter no less, a whore is who she was. A slave. Would you? You would not do that. Tell me you would not throw everything away for a whore.”

Aegon ~ “Firat of all, she’s not a whore. I have fucked many, as has your husband ask him, we know a whore when we see pjs. Second of all, I think he did big sister. I really think he bought a girl and then fucked her, which she had no option in as she was a slave being sold, and sent her on her way when she was swelling with his child. Oops, did you not know that? Well… 🫢”

Aemond ~ “Call my wife a whore again and you shall find yourself without a tongue dear sister. Heir or not I will have it. We’re leaving now.”

He’s gone back to being sweet now when he helps his wife up from her seat and the boys have said goodnight to their Grandma Ali and auntie Helaena and funny uncle Aegon. Aemond looks at his wife’s face and says “Come I’ll have a bath ran for you and the babe. Boys, are you ready? Don’t forget Python and Hellfyre.”

Aemonds wife ~ “I don’t think I’m going to make it to bed Aem. The babe’s are on their way.”

Fast forward to Alicent screaming for a maester and her going through the tortures of labour when she finally ends up with her babes in her and Aemonds arms triplets this time not twins, a girl then a boy and then another girl, the three headed dragon. Like Visenya, Aegon and Rhaenys, true Targaryens all three so small and beautiful and Aemond is absolutely taken with them. He has no idea how anyone could ever leave this woman, she has given him everything and more and he will love her until his dying breath that is a promise he will keep.

Daemon feels stuck though, again. His wife just had his head and isn’t allowing him to come anywhere near her after their screaming match that lasted hours. She won’t annul their marriage, she can’t. Even if she could she wouldn’t she needs him. But she will never look at him the same way. He’s thinking back to everything he has lost. Everything that could’ve been his and he had never felt a pain quite like this it’s like his heart is being removed from his chest. Seeing his daughter with their her and Aemonds twin boys and their new babes he has finally realised what he pushed away.

Aemond and his wife and their dove children are all bundled up in the bed, whispering and giggling meeting the new babes and it’s a sweet moment.

Beautiful work <3 <3

[louiseintrees]

Until My Hands Can’t Write and My Lungs Collapse

Sometimes I hate dating a famous guy.

And it’s not because he’s gone. Not because he’s egotistical (he far from that), or because he’s dabbled in drugs, or is chased by young girls all the time, but it’s when you get insecure, and remember all the stunningly beautiful woman he dated and realize your nothing like them and will never be. You’re not tall, skinny, and gorgeous. Sure you might be nice like they are, but you’re not them, not by a long shot.

So as tears falling from my eyes onto the pillowcase as I stared at younger versions of Alex standing next to his past lovers I couldn’t help but feel worthless. Why would he chose me over very other woman that would have willingly done what I’ve done for him? I’m just some French history teacher who’s short and stout, that loves to play chess and has read an astronomical amount of books. I’m not special. I’m not cool. I’m not pretty. I’m average. I’m basic, like and NPC that’s just there to get the story rolling. If he didn’t like me he’d tell me right? Or would he just take pity on me and try to be nice? What if I’m hurting him? What if he could be so much happier if I was gone? Would he thrive? Would his life be better?

I felt awful. We were best friends before any of this happened and I couldn’t lose him, but I couldn’t hurt him either. I’d much rather take myself out of the equation that watch him become bored and feel that ‘loving’ me was more of job than something he just wanted to do.

I heard the door creek. And immediately I closed my phone and held the covers close to my face and pretended to sleep to explain my red eyes and maybe the wetness for sweat.

“Darling?” He questioned his voice flowing through the house like a desperate search.

I heard his light footsteps slowly approaching the door and when he opened he started to speak.

“Love?” He whispered into the room.

I think in this moment he realized I was ‘sleeping’ and he softly shut the door behind himself and I felt the weight in the bed shift as the part next to me sunk. He pulled my phone away from me and when I heard the sound of an object hitting wood, I could assume he had set it on the nightstand. I felt his arms gently pull me closer to him and I stirred a bit and to really sell it, in my cracking voice I asked,

“Alex?”

He kissed my forehead and spoken himself, “Sorry for waking you, darling.” He squeezed me tightly again peppering my head with kisses before laying his head on mine.

Suddenly I couldn’t fight back the tears anymore. They wouldn’t stop and my breath became on easy and before I knew it I was choking on my sobs.

“Hey, hey, is everything alright? Bad dream? Tired? Are you in pain?” His urgency and concern laced his voice and made it very prominent he was a little scared.

I pulled back and looked into his eyes wanting nothing more than to kiss him and not feel this way but my mind wouldn’t allow it. It would not shut up for even a second, to the point that it’s questioning whether or not his love for me was fraudulent.

“Why do you love me? I mean, you could have almost anyone in the world. You’ve dated gorgeous models who are so kind and sweet and you could have that, why would you want me? I’m not special or cool, or gorgeous, and you can’t flaunt me everywhere because of my job so why out of any girl in the world would you choose me?” I questioned as his thumbs wiped away my tears that continued to fall down my cheeks.

“Because there’s no girl more beautiful, kind, caring, intelligent, and perfect than you. And I know that’s so cliché and stupid but I truly mean it. From the darkest depth of my heart that seems as though they have no love in them I mean it. You aren’t a model, but I don’t care about that. I wouldn’t care if I had to cross seas just to see you, or if you were an astronaut, or a model, I would still love you the same. Maybe I’d think you were a bit cooler for being all the way up in space but i wouldn’t be able to kiss you and hug you all the time which would be a downer. But, my love if I had to see every girl in the planet and chose which one to love until I’d die, by a long shot I’d chose you. If younger me knew you he wouldn’t have met any models. He would’ve had heart eyes and he’d worship the ground you’d walk on like I do now and he’d never even think about looking at a model. You’re perfect for me. And every girl that came before you would agree with me on everything I’ve said about you. I will love you when I’m dead and I will love you long after. And I would never lie about something like that. If I wasn’t in love with you I’d tell you. But I’m on the other end of that spectrum. I like having a short history teacher from France that will gush about book for hours with me and will nerd over Nabokov as much as I do. I wouldn’t change it for the world. You know how much I write about you. Small lyrics, poems, letters, songs, a whole album! Y/n I am madly in love with you, I don’t know enough words to describe it perfectly so I will do my half arsed version for you until my hands can’t write and my lungs collapse. You are everything I want and more. Three years isn’t enough, an entire lifetime even would never be enough. And even if you one day would find yourself falling out of love with me I could never stop loving you. If I were to die now I’ve lived a life knowing I’ve met the best person on earth and I’d pass with a smile on my face they could never wipe off. I’d be at peace. And if you were there too I’d be over the moon. I love you so fucking much it’s sickening to others, and if I didn’t know you personally they’d think I was some creepy stalker. You will always be my love, Y/n. And that will never, and I mean never change.”

I smiled and tears still fell. I giggled a bit and his face turned into a smile so glad I understood.

“Can I please kiss you?” He begged making sure I was okay and didn’t need a moment before he stole my breath away.

“Always.” I nodded.

He swooped his head down and locked his lips with mine gently. His lips expressed so much passion and love they screamed at me to understand his love for me.

When he pulled away I looked into his eyes again the worry in his eyes faded and now filled with happiness and the love he will always have.

“I love you, that sounds lame now.” I giggled.

“It’ll never be lame to me, darling. I love you too.”

[livin-like-larry413]

What is happening in the COD fandom? Who is celebrating??

This user has all the info you need. They took the time out of their days to gather as many resources as they could to try and find her, hopefully before anything bad had happened, but in the end made sure she was found and was there for the victims family. It’s devastating hearing about such a tragic loss, no matter where it you hear of it, but it’s especially heartbreaking when you learn of it being—once again—due to butthurt, immature, childish-minded people on the internet that think they’re entitled to spew hatred just because they see someone make a post they disagree with.

My heart breaks for her family, and I can’t imagine the devastation they’re going through, and I am disgusted with the people who were practically swarming this woman to attack her for truly no other reason at all, besides “because they could”. And because I know how vile people who do this shit online are, those that haven’t been caught yet are celebrating.

The minority of this fandom that thinks this kind of backwards, hateful mindset about what they view as “okay” to say to people, regarding literally anything to do with fandom that they disagree with, is disgusting and shameful to the people in the fandom like @sheheal and everyone else who tried to reach out and help @codslut. The people that hid behind their screens, who tormented and mentally tortured that poor woman for having a different view of a character than they did, should be ashamed of themselves for what they have done, but majority of them, if they can be found will likely have nothing to say other than something along the lines of“It wasn’t that serious” and “Well, it’s not my fault”. I’ve seen it enough times to know.

I’m upset it took me this long to know of it, but since I’m not even a cod fan to begin with and I was still able to find out about it, says everything about how serious this issue in fandom is becoming. It should NEVER get to this point, especially not from a lighthearted nsfw image post that people saw and got upset that the character Gaz wasn’t in. That is batshit, idiotic behavior, and is never okay.

I’ve been in fandom spaces and apart of fandom communities for 15 years, more than half the time I’ve been alive, and never in my life have I seen a fandom become so twisted so quickly as I have with CoD, and my god, have I been in some twisted fandoms. I am honestly truly speechless, disgusted and I am livid.

You can disagree with headcanons and image posts all you fucking want, but the second you start telling someone to end their life because they don’t pay attention to a certain character you like, or they don’t view the character the same way you do—you are a vile human being, and should no longer be allowed on the internet, because you have proven that you are not and have never been an adult.

You control your own internet experience. Interact with what you like. Block what you don’t. It’s that easy. Blocklists (where you omit things from your experience on the internet, and you don’t ever have to see again after submitting it) exist for a reason, and should be utilized more. Tumblr has them, has had them since it was created, and they’re limitless. If you see hate such as the likes of what’s happened recently, speak up on it and make sure it gets spread and known for what it is. Expose the toxicity in the situation as soon as possible and make the person spreading it be held accountable, if you’re able to. There’s enough hatred in the world already, and fandom is supposed to be a place you can go and experience joy.

Long story short, a lesson that somehow still needs to be stated: If you don’t like something you see—block it. Grow the fuck up, and mind your own fucking business. Keep your negativity to yourself. If it’s something you know is truly hurtful, speak up on it, but be respectful. Never be someone’s final straw that ends in their loss.