#it’s weird. you’re weird if you’ve ever treated a black person like this before btw

[tariah23]

Saying it here but nbs and whites need to read every last comment from black ppl on that post about fandom racism and their experiences.

[algea]

hi guys here’s some more headcannons for Lars (btw i’m doing these literally right before my exam🥲)

like i said last time, these are my headcannons, they may not be yours…

Lars loves ice cream. Even though he may deny it, he has a massive sweet tooth. You most definitely can bribe him with sweets.

Lars is a cat person. Sorry guys, had to say it. It’s not that he hates dogs, he just thinks it’s easier to take care of cats, plus they’re super goofy. He would probably own a black cat or a calico. Lars would so spoil his cat as much as possible, you think it’s a little unfair.

Lars’ favorite genre of books is dystopian fiction. Something about robots and future make him excited. He really likes the book Brave New World.

Lars takes you on a date every week. That’s how his momma raised him. He may not be from America, but he sure knows how to treat a lady. He really enjoys going to the movies or the beach with you. He thinks you’re so beautiful when the salty air blows your hair softly around you. Lars loves the smell of the sea and thinks that he would definitely propose to you on the beach.

He is super good at video games. Not like the Last of Us or Call of Duty, I mean like Centipede and Donkey Kong. It’s what he grew up playing, so expect him to be insanely good. Also don’t play him in Super Smash Ultimate, he would shit on you fr.

Lars hates when you talk to someone on the phone when he’s with you. He likes being the center of attention when he’s with you. He also thinks it’s super rude because you’re spending time with him. Unless it’s your mom, then he completely understands and gives you some slack.

His favorite comedian is Bo Burnham. More importantly, he likes the music Bo creates. It makes him literally giggle when he listens to it. You think it’s a little weird, but you’re glad he’s actually enjoying something.

Whenever you’ve been at the lab for a few days, Lars always makes you a bath before you come home so you can have some alone time. Probably the nicest thing he’ll do for you, but it definitely shows that he loves you so much.

Lars doesn’t like the heat. He’d rather be in the cold where he can wear multiple layers instead of sweating to death. Poor dude was stuck with that most of his life, so he loved it when he moved to New York.

Mr. Nerd geeks out when someone talks about Ghost Corps in a good way. He’ll yap on and on forever about it if you let him. Sometimes you’ll have to drag him away from the poor soul who struck up a conversation with him.

He has a photo album like the ‘Our Adventure Book’ from Up, which contains photos of you and him together. He looks at it whenever he feels sad or needs motivation.

He has a system of marks for when you looks especially attractive to him. Normally they’re color coded for the color you wear and have a specific shape for what kind of outfit it is.

Surprisingly, Lars’ love language is gift giving. He loves giving you little trinkets that you’ve mentioned you liked. It’s the cutest thing ever. It shows he pays attention to you.

Lars loves it when you wear his glasses. He thinks you look like a nerd and it makes you 10x cuter. If you’re in the lab and you steal them off him, he won’t take them back until you give them to him.

um sorry if these are a little short, i’ll definitely make more in the future

[kurenaiwataru]

Victor Grantz Observations

I’ve been playing Victor Grantz the Postman for 4 days now, and I’ve decided to compile some observations and headcanons into a convenient post for my own benefit. If anyone else finds this interesting, that’s cool, but this will be mainly for my own personal use. Check the Read More for my humongous paragraphs filled with Victor Grantz observations and headcanons. They’ll probably show up in my fics at some point, whenever I get around to writing again. Until then, enjoy all of this nonsense.

1. Firstly, Victor is a lot quieter than the other survivors. Yes, he pants and moans and makes ghastly noises from time to time, but on the whole, he keeps his mouth shut. Quite literally. The voice recorded for him, in addition to being extremely soft and light, has mainly an array of muffled throat noises to pair with the fact that his mouth is sewn shut. Even when he gets sent off on the rocket chair, he doesn’t scream but lets out a muffled cry. It’s very cute and I do enjoy it.

2. Victor is a genuinely good boy. Despite how he seems to not enjoy people in face-to-face settings, he has a deep rooted belief in the morality and goodness of people, finding that humanity’s moral goodness is merely hidden beneath the veneer each person shows to the world. This is in contrast to how Aesop views people, where he would rather interact with a dead thing rather than a living person. In that way, Victor has a charm that reminds me of Kurenai Wataru from Kamen Rider Kiva. I mentioned this on Twitter, and I still hold to it now that I’ve had so much time with the character. Wataru was also one to think that humanity was depraved and unclean, yet he believed in the hidden goodness of mankind and fought for them as Kiva. That is also Victor’s charm, only with handwritten letters instead of vampire armor and a demonic horse motorcycle.

3. Victor’s empathy shines through via his in-game actions. One of his traits is that he is empathetic, and I feel it whenever I play as him. I’m sure it’s because I’m a weirdo, but whenever I send off a letter, I hope it arrives safely. When Wick barks to indicate the letter has been delivered, relief washes over me and I feel so much joy that it was received safely. I’ll often get thanked for the letters, which isn’t necessary but greatly appreciated. It makes me feel like I’m doing a good job, even when I’m not utilizing the benefits of the buff. And Wick the Post Dog is very cute and hardworking. I always feel bad when he can’t deliver a letter or I send him off and it’s too late.

4. Speaking of Wick, here are some observations about him. He’s a weird mix of the seer’s owl and the wildling’s boar. When you use owl sight, the observed character can’t see the owl until it’s needed, which is how Wick is sometimes. Wick isn’t seen unless he’s needed, making him invisible until you’ve decided on the letter you wish to send. Once you give Wick a letter, he will appear visibly on the field like the boar and you can crash into him if you’re not looking. I think hunters can hit Wick, too, but I’ve never seen it since I give Wick letters and don’t see him until I send another letter. The only other times I see him are if we happen to be running in the same direction or if I accidentally crash into him while we’re going opposite directions. He’s very small and hard to see if you’re wearing The Embrace, since it makes him black. I’ve been using Victor’s base skin since Friday after crashing into Wick several times during one match. He’s a lot easier to see when he’s a bright yellow dog. Darned good doggo, 13/10, would pet infinitely.

5. From here on out, it’s headcanons. While playing Victor for… 4 hours… yesterday, I started to wonder what exactly was inside the envelopes he sends out. I then envisioned him writing each letter by hand before his matches, making sure he has a surplus to send to people. Sometimes he gets so excited about how well he’s written a letter that he wishes to read it again, which is why he opens letters surreptitiously during matches, as though to remind himself of what good writing skills he has.

Anyway, after thinking about that, I decided to try my hand at writing such letters given the letter types he has available as prompts:

Urgent Letter

Farewell Letter

I am writing you this to inform you that I am leaving. The time we spent together was beautiful, but it had to end. To part ways is a normal experience, as people ebb and flow from our lives like the tide. Each new phase of the moon brings new people for us to experience and love, just as it takes people away, and I now must away with the tide.

Should we see each other again someday, I hope that you will remember the happiness we felt. There is no malice in this parting, for farewells are hope for a bright future apart. May time be gentle as the waves of change flow over you.

Victor

Tranquility Letter

I hope this letter finds you well, for now there is peace, though its tranquility I know is fleeting. Time will find us, and when it does, hardship will prevail again. The waltz of time dances around us, and we are in one upward beat of its musical rhythm. The next beat will fall upon us, and time will rage with its horrors again. Yet now we can ease ourselves into this momentary peace.

Do not think to darkness. Do not think to tragedy. If famine and war and violence befall us, we will be together in it. We will persevere and strive towards living, to find that beat of tranquility again.

Time dances on to its own beat, and we can join its dance if we are surefooted.

Be safe and at peace,

Victor

Bravery Letter

Rise up, my friend and ally, and throw yourself into the fray! You are strong and brave beyond compare; have confidence in yourself and we shall not lose. Fight on, brethren! Victory shall be in our grasp should we merely strive to obtain it. Reach out your hand and grasp victory! Hold it firm in your hand and never let go. We must survive to another day. Be like the sun, rising and setting in glory with each turning of the Earth. Do not think to failure. Do not think to the endless bitter outcomes. We can win the day.

Stay safe, my dear friend and ally.

Victor

Inspiring Letter

Have you ever looked to the sky and thought of its brilliance? On a summer day, bright and warm, we are treated to bountiful warmth and beauty. Each day sprawls before us in splendid colors, radiating their joy endlessly. Everything is verdant and rich, succulent in its glory each day. Even in rain and gloom, colors shine to warm even a dull day.

That is you. You are the summer. When you smile, birds sing of its radiance and send those songs to the wind. You are the brightest and the warmest. You are brilliant in intelligence and warm in kindness. You exude life and color to all who see you, even on days when you lack the confidence to shine. I have seen you shine, and you are stunning.

Shine for everyone. Be brilliant and bright. You are resilient and true willful. Use that willfulness to your advantage and become a beacon in the dark. The path you forge blazes only for you. Cleave the darkness before you and shine towards a brighter tomorrow.

Ever faithful under your light,

Victor

Hope Letter

Do you believe in anything? Do you believe in God? Do you believe in science? Do you believe in the morality of humanity at all? Belief is what drives us to be so resilient and adaptive. We drive ourselves toward betterment because we simply believe that we can be better. What an incredible drive we have!

Tantamount to this drive is a simple belief in hope. A hope is like a wish, but more tangible and real. A hope can be so simple. I hope that you will see me. I hope that you will smile for me. I hope that you will say my name. Such simple desires can keep us motivated for short intervals. On a day that drudges on, one can merely hope that it will be lunchtime soon. On a day when the air is cold and the sky is dark, one can hope that the clouds will part and bring the sun back to smile on us. Hope isn’t as lofty as wishing. I could wish for something unfathomable, such as a giant swimming pool filled of ice cream and chocolate pudding, but wishes rarely come true. With hope, there is a flicker of reality in them and with enough hard work that hope can be obtained.

I hope that you have belief in hope. I am sending you this in the hope that you receive it. I am sending you this in the hope that it will aid you in some way. I know not how, but if it is helpful to you in anyway, that is all I hope for.

I hope to see you again. I hope that we will share a knowing smile between us. I hope that you will say my name and that the word is filled with your gratitude that I helped you, even if my aid was so small.

Those are my sincerest hopes and I have put all of my belief into each one.

Stay safe, my friend, and return to me.

Victor

These are just quick samples that I whipped up, but I’d like to think that he is feverishly writing, knowing that his letters inspire hope in the hearts of those he sends them to. I feel like it’s a lovely sentiment that he endeavors to bring just a modicum of inspiration to his teammates, even if he fails in the match. Especially if he’s sending out the permanent buffs. That’s his last wish, essentially. He wants you to succeed where he has failed because he has faith that you can triumph.

Those screenshots are mine btw. If you want to see them all in tweet format, you can find them on my Twitter account. Feel free to RT if you think it’ll help someone.

6. Victor is quiet, meek, and a nervous wreck, but he has a heart of gold. Much like Aesop, he’s shy and not the most forthright with his emotions. He hides himself behind a mask of silence, as I enumerated in How Do You Explain Love? I wouldn’t say that he’s afraid of intimacy, but more that he worries that intimacy may shatter his worldview. I doubt that having his world be shattered in such a way would leave Victor in a poor situation. He already has belief in the goodness of humanity, as witnessed by his introductory video, yet he could be left shaken by the thought that not all people wear such reprehensible masks. To know that there are people who wear their honesty plain as the nose on their face would be a shock to him, but I think he would readily accept it. Despite how he hasn’t experienced much kindness in his life, he’s always open to giving kindness to anyone he meets.

7. And I believe that that kindness could be extended even to hunters. Though they pursue him daily for death, he likely understands that it’s merely their job and laments not being able to give them letters as he can for his allies. Perhaps if the hunters got warm, heartfelt letters like the survivors do, then they would not be so cruel and heartless. He knows that many of the hunters were human once, and he would likely want to appeal to the remainder of their humanity by offering them comfort in the form of a beautiful letter. A wonderfully crafted letter can bring even the strongest men to tears, and I’m certain that Victor would feel that the hunters are deserving of that kindness despite how terrifying and terrible they are.

…Okay, I think I’m done. Sorry this is so long. If you see me in game, I’ll try my best to be a good letter fairy, delivering hope and inspiration to all!

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[askmyboys]

M o r e characters (they aren’t related tho!)

I really should keep up with posting my characters when their done so oop- here y’all go enjoy a good man and a bastard (derogatory) | Name: Gordon Goodman

| Nicknames: Gord, Don, or Gordo

| Gender: He/Him and They/Them

| Age: 30

| Height: 8’2”

| Species/Race: Unknown

| Hair Color: Bubblegum Pink (his hair is usually in a man bun or a ponytail)

| Eye Color: Black (his eyes are literally like googly eyes, the pupils are usually in opposite spots of each other)

| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s pretty pale and he’s VERY lanky and to be honest it almost seems like he hasn’t got any bones in his body the way he can bend, stretch, etc (another thing to note, a lot of his body is just,, l e g s- bigem legs fdjksljfd)

| Appearance: His main outfit is literally a rainbow one, he’s got a rainbow suit on, pants to match and even somehow rainbow looking oxford shoes (he got ‘em custom made) and imma tell you rn it isnt a soft/light/pastel rainbow, its fuckin FULL ON burn your retinas bright- But… If your eyes are sensitive to bright colors he carries around a certain case (it’s got his other outfit that he prepared just in case someone’s eyes are too sensitive and hurt by bright colors) his secondary outfit is a light blue suit vest with a long sleeved light pink shirt underneath it, his pants also match the undershirt and his shoes are pink n blue oxfords (he does wear a pink n blue bowtie as well, it's much more soft light almost pastel colors tbh) They don’t have any inhuman features honestly, no fangs, nothing the only thing inhuman about them is the fact they seem so toon like and can do many things humans just cannot. He also doesn’t have a beard or any sorta facial hair either (hes babyfaced p much)

| Personality: I’ll be blunt, Gordon here is 100% a himbo, he’s super sweet, kind, caring but not very intelligent- he’s got a heart of gold and a smol brain (sometimes he can actually say some intelligent stuff but then like not even a few seconds later he won’t even remember saying any of that) despite being so lanky he seems to be VERY strong as he can pick up very heavy objects that a normal human couldn’t, he can also fit and squeeze into places most people couldn’t thanks to this ability, honestly there’s not much to him backstory wise, he didn’t have no traumatic past or any trauma really! Sure, I mean, there have been people who have been mean n awful to him BUT he still treated them kindly even then, he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body! Not cruel, not sadistic, not evil, none of that! He’s just a Goodman! (heh) a 10/10 boy

Who could do no harm to anyone, if they try to get physical with him he’ll legit just pick them up and hold them in a hug instead like “Shh! It’s okay, we don’t hafta fight…! I’m sure all ya need is a nice big hug!” but ye that’s about it for personality wise stuff.

| Side Facts: Likewise he has a lot of toon abilities, for an example- He has once pulled a flower out of his ear (which made his eyes rattle and roll around before falling back into place) and has handed it to someone, don’t worry the flower was as clean as it could be- It’s not only flowers though, he can pull anything out of his head essentially (bigger items though take a lot out of him and it’s a lot harder to pull those out so pls try to stick with smaller themed items) it’s not that he can’t because if he were determined enough he could pull something as big as a fucking sofa from his mind if he so desired ...but he’s never had to do that before- That’s p much his item summoning ability and how it’s done.

He’s super stretchy, flexible, and even moldable! He’s like a contortionist but probs without any limits whatsoever, he can bend, twist, etc- Hell, bc his body is mostly legs- He can legit without even having to balance on his hands just fall backwards to look at you, he usually has a grin on his face but with him it’s not spooky at all tbh- he’s just a bright, happy, outgoing and friendly dude! He loves to have a smile on his face but more importantly he loves to put a smile on others faces! Now that being said, he does understand sadness is a thing, anger, etc- And it can’t just magically go away, heck- while he doesn’t usually feel much anger- He does get sad sometimes himself! Even if he gives someone a hug, holds their hand, or anything he knows that won’t automatically make everything better or okay, he might be a himbo but if there’s ONE thing he understands it’s feelings and emotions ...Well he understands them to s o m e degree

He’ll be there for anyone who needs him though! If you want a hug he’ll wrap his arms around you! (if it's more of a snuggle, he’ll coil his arms around you ...pLEASE THO- remind him of how you have bones and your much more fragile than he bc he would never hurt anyone on purpose but that doesn’t mean he’s immune to accidents now does it?) or if you need someone to listen he’ll be happy to listen to you! If you need advice? ...H-He claims he’s not good at that but he has intelligent moments there sometimes but then he forgets what he says afterwards but he knows whatever happened it seemed like it helped so that makes him smile!

| Name: Darius Sullivan Gibson

| Nicknames: Dare, Sully, or Gibs

| Gender: He/Him

| Age: 39

| Height: 9ft (he IS hunched over a bit tho so he’d probs be 8’8” since he’s got them boots)

| Species/Race: uH- dEFINITELY NOT HUMAN FOR DAMN SURE

| Hair Color: Black (his hair has got a lil curly bit in front and that’s what I’ll give ya, a lil curly swirl jgfkdslfdj)

| Eye Color: Dark Green

| Skin Color/Body Type: Ghostly pale and he’s VERY large and wide, hims a BIG B I G man, this man is shaped like a fuckin B L O C K fghjdksljfhdk

| Appearance: His main outfit is a long black trench coat (a leather one) he usually doesn’t keep it buttoned either with a dark green turtleneck underneath it, he also wears a black ribbon tie and his pants match his turtleneck and he wears heeled black leather chelsea boots and he also wears a black cartwheel hat, he also wears fingerless gloves that match his turtleneck/pants. He has a fairly thick beard and sideburns (not really a long one but its just,, well, t h i c k) he has long pointed ears, multiple green tongues, some green tentacles (its that dark green shade, bright colors are b a d for him), and even a weird black tail that has a green fluffy bit at the end, and all his teeth are sharp but he has two particular sets of fangs top and bottom in his mouth that stand out more so than the rest of his teeth. And of course, he has sharp black claws as well (even though you can’t necessarily see it on his hands, his fingers are purely black, the best way to describe it is just pure dark energy lmao). And finally he doesn’t really have prominent scars but there’s scars LITTERED all across his body.

| Personality: Oof he’s baad, like- purely disgusting- literally tbh- He’s a smug, cocky, and arrogant bastard- He thinks EXTREMELY highly of himself, perhaps he has a God Complex even tbh- But also when I say he’s purely disgusting, this man smells like so many things and NONE of them are good- he’s also a murderer (it isn’t technically cannibalism but he does eat humans), he’s cruel, sadistic, and evil af- A bad bad slasher man, his favorite weapons are a cane, knives, or guns tbh- But then again those are just favorites- he’ll use ANYTHING he can as a weapon tbh, hell he’d pick up a random human and use them as a baseball bat to another- he’s also flirtatious but in a bad dark way, one example is he’ll flirt with you by literally stating how he’d love to just eat you up ...and you might think oh how sweet but um n o, he means it, just- come near him, stick your arm into his enclosure and see what happens hjfdksjdfks- you’ll be missing an arm-

Would easily use you like a lollipop tbh- oh god he’s gonna commit the b i t e of 87 hjfdkslkjdfs- he’s just, god he’s so awful- i wanna punch my own creation but he could easily defeat me and he would tbh, he’d be the one to challenge and fuckin kill god, there can be o n l y one fjkdclsjkd there is no tragic backstory btw, he’s straight up just a slasher, murders because he thinks its fun and everyone is so weak and pathetic compared to him!

There is no “befriending” this man, BUT… If he does grow “fond” of you then you’d more than likely be nothing more than a mere pet to him and nothing more or a possession even but if you're in his possession, a pet of his… You’ve definitely got the b e s t protection you could ever get in your life ...Well from ANYONE else, from him though? I mean, it's still risky, he IS a killer so just bear it in mind okay?

| Side Facts: Another thing he’d do, bc he smokes a LOT of cigars and I mean a l o t, he’ll legit bend down JUST so he can blow cigar smoke directly in your face, he also might put a cigar out using your head while also calling you a good little ashtray ...the more I talk about him the more I,, hate my own creation- i hate him purely and wholeheartedly

He lives in a place called Shademoor City and more specifically on a street called Brinewood, his street is definitely one for the not so nice ones of the city, like the further you go and closer you get to Brinewood St the more grotesque and nasty everything looks, and his “home” well it’s sorta more like a hideout area- He probs does have a mansion somewhere bc he uh he I S a rich man, what he did/might be doing to earn said money? ...Eh don’t worry about it- but if he does that mansion is EXTREMELY far away from Brinewood Street.

He’s more so a night owl but very rarely will you actually see him in the daylight, the nighttime is just the easiest to strike at, after all- it's so easy to hide within the shadows, hide in the alleyways and wait for unsuspecting prey to walk by.

He has a black cane with a skull on top of it and fun fact, it’s not just a cane haha fuck youuu!! Its also a SWORD B I T C H! (to him, swords are just bigger and fancier knives, either way, it still kills the victim!)

[cyjprojectarchive]

blurry | bambam

prompt: inspired by bammie’s instagram selfie hot dayum could i not contain myself, so i made an imagine abt it B) here it is if ya wanna get attacked by our bamchinja. c;  group: GOT7 pairing: bambam, you genre: fluff words: 3185 note:  sorry theres so many spelling errors its currently 3:18 am and im tired as heq ill edit this tomorrow thanku ㅠㅠ

“Dude, you got this.”

“Yeah, well, what if I don’t? Our asses are on the line here,” Bambam’s worried tone reverberates from your phone’s speakers. You have it on loudspeaker mode because you were in the mood for some mint chocolate ice cream. You just got home from classes today and boy was it scorching hot outside. 

“Yes, you do. And no, they’re not. You’ve been practicing nonstop for this comeback, Bam, I think you have it all down by now,” you repeat a little louder than usual as you open the freezer and take out the pint of sweet and cooling treat. 

Setting it down on the kitchen counter, you cap the lid off and start digging in with your spoon. “And why are you so nervous? You’ve never asked me advice on how to handle stage fright ever since we knew each other,” you comment through the melting of your favorite dessert inside your mouth.

“Are you eating ice cream from the pint again?” He suddenly asks, a tone of amusement lingering in his voice. You automatically hug the thing of ice cream closer to your stomach, eyes peering at the phone resting near you. “How’d you know?”

“Just a hunch.” You can just hear him shrugging smugly.

“You wish you were here,” you retaliate, scoffing as you take another scoop. You make sure he captures the sound of you scraping the soft and gooey substance of sweetness. You know you should be encouraging him right now, but teasing the boy you’ve known for quite a while now is always a treat in its own way. 

“I do. I do wish I were there,” he agrees somewhat seriously. You’re unsure whether he was talking about having ice cream or something else, but you brush it off, not wanting to think about such complications right now. 

You put the spoon down and attempt to bring the previous conversation back. “Really, though, Bam. You’re going to do amazing, as always. Don’t worry too much about it, alright?” You tell him earnestly. If Bambam had never asked for any reassurances with you before, maybe this time he really needed it. 

A slight pause occupies the air until you hear him exhale shortly on the other end of the phone call. “You’re right, you’re right. That makes me feel so much better. Thanks, fam,” he answers with a hopeful tone. 

Shaking your head, you protest, “No problem. And don’t ever call me ‘fam’ again, fam.”

“Would you like to be called something else then, hmm?” There he goes, back to his usual zany self which you can’t help but blush about…

Did Bambam just make you blush? 

“I would like you to call me when I’m not busy enjoying my ice cream,” you tell him, going back to eating your lunch for the day. 

“You didn’t even start eating ice cream when I called you in the first place!” Bambam interjects and you soon chuckle at his predicament. You hear a few conversations bubbling up in the background, even recognizing Yugyeom’s whining to one of the hyungs, maybe Jinyoung, you’re not quite sure.

You move your position to the couch, setting down your phone on the coffee table. You hear a distinct voice referring to Bambam and he responds, but you’re too focused on your ice cream to eavesdrop. 

“I have to go in a few. What’re you going to do afterwards?” He finally addresses you. You ponder his question until you realize you’ve forgotten something really important. 

“Shoot! I have a major presentation for my History class tomorrow!” Spoon hanging in midair, you slowly place the ice cream pint next to your phone, feeling guilty of even opening it up. 

“And you haven’t started on it yet,” Bambam muses. You groan in agreement and slap your forehead lightly. “No, because I thought it was happening next week.”

“Too distracted with me, huh. I have that effect,” the boy on the other end suggests, a smirk almost evident in his voice. You laugh mockingly, but the anxiety in you keeps rising. “Guess I have something to keep me distracted while you’re performing,” you conclude, probably feeding his ego even more. 

“That’s good, then, at least it’s not another guy,” he jokes and you roll your eyes. “Whatever, snake,” you shoot back. 

“Anyway, I got to go, we’re shooting in a few,” he tells you, almost begrudgingly. “Hey, I really appreciate you answering the call.”

You smile at his genuine reply. You rarely see this side of Bambam whenever you guys are together, or even just talking on the phone. You feel a sense of warmth in your heart, and you honestly don’t know what to make out of it. But you don’t let it get to you- not yet.

“Of course. You know I’m here,” you mutter softly. 

“And me too,” he chimes. Another voice, presumably Jaebum, informs him about getting ready, so you anticipate Bambam’s good bye. “Now I really need to go. I’ll message as soon as possible.”

“For sure, Bam. Good luck! You never fail to do your best,” you add, making sure he’s still reassured. Bambam thanks you again, and the call ends.

Now, onto cramming that damned History presentation.

Adding a few finishing touches here and there, you finally have a decent 10-slide presentation for your class tomorrow morning. Stretching your arms upward, you let out a relieved sigh, yawning in the process. Making sure that the file has been saved to your laptop, Google Drive, and USB, you turn your laptop off and trudge your way into the comfort of your bed. 

The digital clock on your nightstand reads 11:24 pm and you feel quite proud for completing a procrastinated project before the day ends, roughly speaking. You ease your way into the duvet, grabbing your phone to the side for a late night session on a few of your social media accounts. 

You go to your Messages and remember Bambam’s call from earlier. You wonder whether the performance was a success- it probably was, and Bambam just had cold feet, but you already texted him two hours ago complaining about History being your worst subject ever and how lucky you are it’s your first class of the day. You type a new text, informing him of your success nonetheless and hoping he had a fun time today as well. 

Before you can hit the send button, a chat bubble appears on Bambam’s end first. Your eyes widen at the screen and your lips part in surprise. 

“What the…” You utter under your breath, hands suddenly sweating at the sight of your phone, Bambam’s selfie showing on the bright screen. You squint your eyes to confirm what you’re seeing is right. 

You hit backspace on your keyboard and type a new message with quick and shaking thumbs. 

Wrong number, headass. 

He reads it immediately and your heart skips a beat. Your eyes cannot seem to focus on anything else other than the blurry selfie of a jet black haired K-pop idol. You find yourself mesmerized at his cerulean contacts and drawn to the straight and full pink lips. Breath hitching, you mentally urge yourself to stop giving in to your thoughts. 

Undeniably, Bambam broke every puberty challenge out there, and not a day goes by without you reminding him that- much to his satisfaction. But you complimenting him was always out of good faith as good friends, nothing more and nothing less. 

However, recently, things have been a bit blurry between the two of you. It doesn’t help that his constant teasing makes you more conscious of the type of relationship you guys are slowly developing. 

And this selfie isn’t helping.

lmao what do you mean that is supposed to be sent to my best friend

You share a room with Yugyeom. Just show it to him in person lmao

not himmm, my OTHER best friend. u. anyway, like what u see? ;)

WTF are you talking about, you never send me selfies before??? 

aww is it that bad, b? :,( it’s just a lil smth to motivate u with ur presentation. hows that going for u, btw?

Again, with the weird ass nicknames, Bam lmao? And you’re just a few minutes too late bec I’ve finished, but thanks for trying.

Also, no, it actually looks really good. :)

pshhh u like itttt bb ;) oh, hey thats great. u should go 2 sleep by now.

and really? don’t play me, bb :,(

It does! Your face is blurred, so it’s perfect.

wow bye

You chuckle to yourself at the playful conversation. Typical Bambam, but you still can’t help but be confused at any underlying message of all this. Or maybe there’s not any and your mind is just running irrationally due from the emerging crash of the caffeine. Maybe that’s it.

You think of sending him a meme- of himself, might you add- until he follows a new text. 

blurred like our relationship, right

Dropping your phone to the side, you bring a pillow pushed to your face and scream into its plush surface. You feel the heat coming off of your cheeks, chest heaving in and out as well. What was that all about? Has Bambam been aware of the unusual tension you, yourself, have been feeling towards him the past couple of weeks? Why is he speaking up about it now?

that was stepping out of the line of being corny. i’m sorry lol

You notice that he was trying to play it off cool, but now that you’ve gotten a signal from him acknowledging the uncanny stage of your relationship right now, you wanted to go all out. With Bambam, you need to know whether he’s serious about this or not. 

You retreat the pilow away from your face, flustered at the suddent flight response you just pulled off. You certainly cannot be this embarrassing once you confront him, that’s for sure. But realizing you might have been absent for a while, you gingerly take a hold of your phone and type a new message with a plan. 

When are you free, Bam? 

You need to discuss this to him in person. You need to see it in Bambam’s eyes. You see the typing animation show on and off as he’s probably contemplating on what to say to you too.

i’m free for a few hours after our morning radio interview

Perfect. I’ll meet you at the cafe near my university at 12. Sounds good?

yeah yeah ofc 

Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, Bam.

you too. uhhh good night?

Good night to you too, Bambam. :)

“Headass, over here!”

A guy in stylish clothing, together with a black cap, black sunglasses, and black mask whips his head towards your direction. His tall stance and sense of fashion already singled him out from the lazily dressed college students surrounding the cafe right now, including yourself.

You end up sleeping three hours later after your conversation with Bambam, different scenarios of your meet up today forming in your head, some with good outcomes and others unspeakable. You couldn’t believe that you were able to set up a “date” with him with the intention of confessing the uncertainty you have in regards to affectionate feelings towards him. 

He walks over to the corner of the quaint little shop, a cold drink already in place before his seat. You don’t see his expression quite well, seeing that his whole face is covered with different kinds of masks, but you hear him chuckle as he relaxes in front of you, inspecting the drink shortly. 

“You know me too well,” he finally says, lowering the mask to his chin so he can take a sip of his favorite drink. You grin at your accomplishment, chugging the iced coffee you bought for yourself as to keep your nerves from taking over you- which was ironic since you’re gulping down more of what keeps you shaking right now.

“How was the interview?” You ask nonchalantly, watching his every move. Bambam glances up at you and nods his head, “It went really well. More enjoyable than your presentation, that I could say.”

Glaring daggers at him you counter, “Shut up.” He cackles at your response, and then the two of you instinctively easing into your normal conversations of mundane stories and brutal banters, almost forgetting about the original reason of you meeting him here.

But you didn’t mind, not one bit. You missed his physical presence. Just seeing a hint of his crinkling eyes from the shade of his visor is enough for you to feel comfortable around Bambam. He genuinely is the best person you know. You both never have to think twice about saying something potentially wrong, because the other would just use it at their advantage but at the same time turn it into an inside joke between the two of you. 

There was something that he declared which made you stomp your hand down the table in rejection. He chortles at your dramatic expression and casually lays his hand on top of yours. Your face quickly realizes this as you retrieve your hand back to your sides, squeezing it tight to stop it from trembling at the sudden contact. 

Bambam notices your discomfort and coughs awkwardly. “Sorry, sorry. I ruined it, didn’t I?” He admits, looking down in frustration.

“No, no, Bam it’s not that,” your attempt in fixing the matter at hand was futile, and you wish you have more time to stall, more time to just have mindless fun with the best guy friend you’ve ever had in a while. 

But seeing that your stomach churned and jumped in itself after a simple touch of your hand, you had to tell him how he’s made you feel. Or else you’re going to go nuts.

“What are we, Bambam?” You blurt out, eyes fixating on the empty cup of beverage sitting idly on the table. “And don’t make it out as a meme, ‘kay? I’m asking it seriously,” you follow up with a scrunched face, making sure that Bambam knows you’re done with fooling around. 

You peek at his face and he seems to be smiling shyly, hand that was once touching yours now scratching the back of his head. You find yourself wishing you never took it back. 

Shaking your head, you whine at your inner frustration. “I… I think I like you, Bam. And I don’t know why I’m saying this now but recently, you’ve been saying weird stuff to me that gets me all flustered and red and you can’t see that because we haven’t seen each other in a while, but when we do I try to suppress it just because I don’t you to think I’m weird or something like that but our conversation last night messed me up big time, and now I don’t know if suppressing it is going to help anymore and I just -”

You stop yourself from losing air in your system as you inhale and exhale. Your hands have been clutching themselves tightly on your lap and you let go to feel the blood pumping again. You’re afraid to look up and see a confused Bambam staring at you, but before you can contemplate any further, you hear a soft laughter resonating from him. And it wasn’t that of mockery, so you slowly turn your head to reveal a blushing adolescent boy before you, hands covering his eyes under a pair of expensive sunglasses.

 “Aw man, you beat me to it. Why do you always do that to me?” He complains cutely. You titl your head in confusion. 

“I was supposed to confess first. Do you know how ashamed I feel right now?” He takes his hands off his eyes as well as his sunglasses and you finally see his eyes. Glistening in hope and anxiety all at the same time, but the beauty in them never left. You are taken aback, but you try and keep it together as he gulps down and stares right back at you. 

“You always beat me to things, but that doesn’t mean I won’t confess anymore. Yes, I’ve been trying to get your attention more frequently because I’ve… developed feelings for you, and I didn’t know how to handle them other than be more annoying than usual.” His assessment of the situation makes you giggle, and it prompted him to keep going. 

“I was really happy I got to talk to you when I was feeling hella nervous yesterday. It made me confirm my feelings for you and that you make me comfortable in whatever situation we’re in. The selfie I sent you last night was just me trying to see if you kind of feel the same way, and I honestly didn’t know what to expect from there.” He brings his hands on the table and plays with them mindlessly, biting his lip as he looks down. 

“I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel frustrated by the way I’ve acted, I’m just a dumb adolescent boy who doesn’t know how to handle his feelings well. But I was honestly really glad we got to hang out today, you know I missed you a lot. So, I’m sorry if this ruins everything…” he trails off, seeming to want to say more but his tongue prevents him from doing so.

You keep your eyes on him, not exactly knowing how to respond correctly. He gives you a full minute to contemplate on your own before he looks back up at you, pausing with his hands and smiling sheepishly. “Any response from you would be great right now.”

“Shoot, I’m sorry,” you say, lips in a tight line. You think for another few seconds before finally making up your mind. “C’mon, let’s take a selfie.”

“W-what?”

“C’mon, Bam. You have a better camera than mine, so go get your phone!” Your tone was firm but encouraging at the same time. He hesitates for a second but complies nonetheless. You scoot next to him, your arm slightly touching with his. You falter a bit, but you feel Bambam relax with your touch and you smile as you move in a tiny bit closer.

He positions the phone at the perfect angle and you see him trying out a few different expression before his thumb presses over the button. Your smile grows wider at the sight of him assessing himself, but you quickly peck the soft surface of his cheek and beat him to taking the selfie. 

Without waiting for his response, you snatch the phone away and inspect the picture. Content with the image, you show him the screen. 

He looks at with his eyebrows furrowed, but immediately understands and reveals a goofy grin. You nudge his elbow playfully before resting your head on your shoulder, already feeling at ease with your position.

“Not so blurry now, huh?” You ask him. He pats your head in response and squeezes your shoulder reassuringly, the touch of him making you want more.

 But for now, this is enough.

[aejumi]

Void [Jumin Han/MC]

Archiveofourown.org

FanFic.net

Rating: General

Word Count: 1,177

Summary: I typed. I typed as if my life depended on it. I needed to escape this void; the emptiness in my heart. I should not, would not accept this feeling.

-

Only one phone call was all that it took, to end that only fragile contact I had left of my past life… my memories, my… parents.

‘‘But it’ll be only a few days. Something important came up and I can’t come home,’’ I emphasized the last part, ‘’just for a few days, please.’’ But I knew, that this was their chance. Chance to get rid of me.

Arguing back and forth, I found myself now yelling at my aunt. I couldn’t handle how I was being treated. All the bottle up emotions from the last two years came forth as I kept saying how hard it has been on me too.

It must’ve been over 15 minutes since it all started but only the last few sentences were stuck in my mind. Before the other line hung up on me they said, ‘‘You’re the reason my family is miserable. I wish I never let you live with us. I’m glad you’re not coming back, and thus I’ll take this chance to throw you out myself. Don’t come back here. Ever.’’ I didn’t say anything, because it didn’t grasp that it’s actually happening. ‘‘The little stuff that you have will be sent to your parent’s little apartment. I guess that’s what you’ve wanted all along, right? As you never let us sell that old house.’’

Without saying anything else I heard the call end. I stood in one spot for what it felt like eternity but it had only gone one minute. I swallowed hard and went ahead to sit down on a chair. I put my phone on the table beside my laptop and quickly opened an empty document to write down to forget about whatever that happened. And to absolutely stop thinking about the future ahead.

I typed. I typed as if my life depended on it. I needed to escape this void; the emptiness in my heart. I should not, would not accept this feeling. Therefore, the only way to temporary disappear from this world is by typing away my worries, only so I can hear my fingers pressing these different keys. It didn’t help much because this empty apartment with no sign of life made me feel even more dead.

Just as I was drifting away to nowhere with my blank mind a sudden tone snapped me back to reality. It was the phone ringing and to my surprise it was someone from the chat earlier. I picked up my phone quickly so I could distract myself even more.

‘‘Hello?... You picked up right away. It must be your first time hearing my voice.’’ Said the man behind with his deep but soothing voice. He continued giving me no space to reply, but I’m grateful because I was afraid if I speak right now my voice would betray me.

‘‘You must know from the name on your screen but I’m Jumin Han. I’m sure you’re glad to talk to me, but no need to get too excited. I only called to hear our new member’s voice, nothing else. But I will take just one question. Ask me if you have any.’’ It took me by surprise because normally wouldn’t the caller ask the person in question stuff? Or more so to me, because I was a pretty suspicious person in their eyes. Instead he’s telling me to ask him a question?

Well, so I do. Instead of asking about how he is or what he’s up to, I ask him one thing I’ve been thinking about. ‘‘How does my voice sound?’’ I let out, hoping I don’t sound as pathetic as I think I must’ve while talking to my aunt.

‘‘Do you want me to judge your voice? I didn’t want to go that much into details but… I’ll listen if you want. Talk again, slowly.’’ Jumin said.

When he asked me to say something, suddenly I couldn’t. It was strange but I suppose I was now a bit embarrassed? What a weird thing to ask someone I’m first talking to. He must think I’m weird. Therefore, instead of saying something I stayed silent.

He must have sensed how I was feeling because he said, ‘‘…Are you feeling embarrassed now?’’ What a fascinating man I thought. This is only our first phone call and only by this I am forgetting everything that happened to me earlier.

Jumin continued, ‘‘Women are so complicated. You don’t have to say anything. I’ve already heard your voice. It was only for a second, but it was nice. I’ll just put it at that. I think one question is enough.’’

And the last sentence is what I ignored because I’m interested in what he’s got to say to amuse me further but more importantly, I want to keep listening to his steady voice. Quickly not letting the conversation die I asked him, ‘‘What are you doing right now?’’

‘‘I’m on my way home. I said only one question, but you dare to ask another one.’’ I giggled quietly. He did reply to me faster than expected going against his own words, even though he followed up by reminding me I wasn’t supposed as any questions. He’s strangely adorable I thought to myself. But I tried to brush off that thought as he continued to speak. He started to speak about his cat, almost as if she was a person. I asked exactly what I was thinking and he replied with much love toward the cat. I asked him more questions, curious to know more about him.

But my train of questions stopped because of what Jumin said, ‘‘Oh, we’re already home. This was not a bad time. I must go now, so if you don’t have any other questions, I think we should end this call.’’

I knew the call had to end at some point, but my mind didn’t listen as I hurriedly said, ‘‘I-I-I do!’’

He innocently asked, ‘‘What is it?’’ To which in my flustered condition I could not think of anything. Instead my nervous mind just blurted out, ‘‘You know! God I’m nervous and I can’t think!’’

Gosh, why am I so embarrassing?

‘‘Why are you suddenly nervous?’’ said Jumin in a low husky voice different from his usual tone, which made me blush involuntary. ‘‘You are an interesting woman. Then make a list of questions before talk next time. I will answer them then. Now I must really hang up. I’ll call you when I have the chance. Bye.’’

With that the call ended.

I looked back at my computer. The screen was now black because I had not touched it for a while. Looking at my reflection I saw that I was slightly smiling and my foul emotions from before were nowhere to be found. Amused how this one call could affect me, I smiled more but a confused one this time. Nevertheless, I still felt warm.

I shut my laptop screen and walked toward the bedroom to sleep. Before closing the door, I said quietly, ‘‘Thank you, Jumin.’’ and went on ahead.

-

A/N: In the beginning I was just typing because I was a bit frustrated irl lol but then later on I used the first incoming call from day one. [Still don’t know if this is supposed to be a series as the intro can be used for more but the ending seems satisfied in itself?.. But I think in the future I will write more using phone convos] //btw isn’t the ending a bit awkward like ‘thanks jumin’’ whut//

[screechingkingdomhottub]

i’ve never felt this sad to get attention?

I don’t know if sad is the right word but I feel weird about getting this attention? Usually the only posts I made that got any notes were starkid memes which of course I love, I love that company, they’re not perfect, they never will be perfect but they try really hard to grow and make theatre accessible but i digress.  I’ve posted a few things about BLM or racism in general and those get a lot of attention. I really don’t want anyone to think I do it for that well i guess I do it to let out my feelings and express awareness and positivity and the latter part I guess the attention helps with. But it’s like one of my most popular posts is about Black people I’m very thankful for and just mainly gushing about people from my childhood and how much I admire them and how I want to celebrate them and it’s so like specific? Like to know who all of those people are you’d have to like wwe, fresh prince of bel air, suite life of zack and cody/suite life on deck, youtube drama, starkid and big time rush? I didn’t think that’d get any notes, I thought maybe at most 10 likes and I could imagine people being excited with me but no there’s a lot more there’s 107 and I like that but I can’t help but feel a little disappointed? Like if I saw a list of “white people i’m amazingly thankful for” I wouldn’t mind, I’d probably feel a little uncomfortable cause tbh that sounds like it has an underlying tone if you catch me? but it shows that black people are treated differently and that they do feel like they need that validation or would like it and appreciate seeing an ally (as minimal of an ally i am haha, tumblr rants are hardly activism but i try) and it’s like there are so many amazing people, in fact especially black people like im not a race traitor or an “all white people are racist!!” but like when i was getting bullied, a black person stood up for me. When I had drunk too much, a black person got off the bus with me to make sure I got home safe. When I worked in a shop and felt like everyone hated me, two black colleagues always made me feel more included. The first girl that ever made me come to terms with my attraction to girls and comforted me through that was mixed race, black and white. When I had no one at uni and felt like I was alone and sticking out, a black classmate befriended me. When I was struggling with college work, a black lecturer was the one to help and support me the most. I’m from a predominantly white area, in all of these scenarios there were white people around and at the time I barely even realised they were all black people helping me in these scenarios. But recently I’ve been thinking and just, the fact that any of those people could be killed for their skin colour is awful. It would be awful regardless. My point before was that it’s sad to me that my ramble of people i admire is able to be that helpful? Like I like helping people but it’s like, maybe this is a poor comparison but if you’ve ever given food to the homeless you might get what I mean? Like you’re happy you’ve done a good deed and you know that person won’t starve tonight but there’s a part of you that wishes you could do more or that the person wasn’t going hungry in the first place? I feel like everyone’s clapping for me but I haven’t done anything. I’m just making up for really ignorant things I said when I was younger stemming from white fragility - which btw is a term that causes itself, like i’ll tell you as a white person, seeing that originally made me think it was a way to say i couldn’t have problems like i’m probably going to make a post on how stuff got through to me so people can educate people like me better. Anyway, thank you for reading my nonsense, please sign this https://www.change.org/p/andy-beshear-justice-for-breonna-taylor it helps things and like it’s much more important than anything i have to say rn, have a nice...time?