#it's happier | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

venture4treasure · 5 months

Text

“It’s like Drowning”

Words: 1516

Premise: Suicidal!Reader makes an attempt at taking their own life. Venture is there and does their best to make things better.

Warnings: Suicide Attempt, Mental breakdown, Drowning, Self-deprecation, Hospital

Venture sat in a chair pulled up beside your hospital bed. They rested their head on the bed rails and tucked their hand underneath their head. They stared at your sleeping form. According to the doctors, you were stable and you just needed to wake up. And you had woken up a couple of times, the nurses said – you’d woken up and gone right back to sleep is what your vitals had indicated.

Each time you stirred, Venture would sit up, hopeful that you’d finally want to wake up. It took an incredible amount of self-control for them to not shake you or crack a joke to get you to open your eyes. But they figured you’d been through so much already, that you should just wake up on your own time. So, they waited.

They took brief breaks from all but guarding your bed to take care of themselves – because you hated when they were ever sacrificing their health for you. They also routinely brought more and more of your plushies, pillows, and blankets to you. They placed them around you on your bed so when you woke up, it’d be a little less like a hospital and maybe a little more like home. Especially, if you woke up when they weren’t around, they needed you to know you were on their mind and they were thinking about you. And that you aren’t alone.

Right now, there was nothing left to do. The moon hung high in the sky and lit up the room. The lights of your room had long been turned off for the night. They reached to rest their hand atop yours, and thank god your hands are warm. Because despite what machines can tell them, the warmth of your body and breath will always be more reassuring. They cringe as memories of that night resurface in their mind.

They had felt something was off – something was really off. In their heart, they knew they had to check on you, they had to see you. When they’d rushed home, they found your scrawled notes and apologies in a handwriting messier than usual and they knew. They called 911 in a heartbeat, shared everything they could about your possible whereabouts and then immediately threw on a jacket to find you.

You had taken a jump off a nearby railroad bridge, you’d left your phone and coat there. Venture had found your items and took to immediately scaling down the side of the valley to get to the river shore. It wasn’t the safest maneuver, but traversing rocky terrain is part of their job and they were willing to risk it for you. They also updated the authorities on the situation.

They found you first, and you were so cold. The frigid wind and water didn’t help at all. Without missing a beat, they wrapped you in their coat and began chest compressions. When you finally coughed up water, albeit reactively instead of consciously, and took some shallow breaths. They almost cried.

You were rushed away in an ambulance, nurses and doctors told them they had done everything right, and if they hadn’t acted, you probably wouldn’t have survived. It made them shudder, the idea that if they had just swept aside their gut instinct the whole situation would have been very different.

Venture was startled back to the present when they felt your hand close around theirs.

You made a series of wordless noises, your face scrunching up in discomfort. Venture gently squeezes your hand back, silently encouraging you to try and wake up.

You eventually blink awake after struggling with the gross feeling of consciousness. You’re met with the blank ceiling of the hospital room, you recognize those lights and groan. You notice the familiar plushies at the edge of your vision and turn to take a better look at them. Venture catches your gaze and they smile brightly.

“Hi,” they excitedly greet, trying to keep the volume of their voice down.

You try to respond, but it comes out as unintelligible mumbling and eventually coughing. Venture immediately helps you sit up and holds a bottle of water for you to drink.

“I’m sorry…” you eventually decide to say, hands nervously holding the water bottle in your lap. You can’t bring yourself to meet their eyes.

“No apologies, I’m just glad you’re here,” they smile softly.

“I just-”

Venture hushes you, stepping across the room to retrieve and microwave a takeout container for you. When they return to your side with the warm food and utensils, you stare at them in disbelief and guilt.

“It’s your favourite,” they add.

You held the warm container, letting the heat seep into your hands.

“I don’t deserve this”.

“Yes you do,” Venture corrects, “eat something, it’ll make you feel better. And then we can talk about whatever you want, okay?” Despite it being phrased as a question, you can tell there’s no changing their mind.

The food tastes amazing, you didn’t realize how starved you were until you started eating. While you ate, Venture pulled out their phone to show you pictures and share some stories.

“My old coworker got a cat and sent me this picture of her, she’s so silly,” Venture laughs, showing you the picture of an orange cat, sprawled out on her back with her paws in the air.

You giggle a bit at the cat and Venture visibly brightens hearing your laugh. It encouraged them to look for even more cat-related pictures on their phone.

They show you a video of a beautiful cat walking down a sidewalk while being cast in the golden light of a sunset.

“I saved this one cause it reminded me of you!”

“Flatterer,” you huff lightheartedly.

“It’s true!” Venture insists. They began to point out all the similarities between you and this cat for the rest of the time you ate.

By the time you were done eating, your face burned with embarrassment and hurt from smiling. Venture has never failed to surprise you with all the things they adore about you – you don’t even think about half the things they mentioned.

You finished about half the meal, before calling it. You set the takeout on your bedside table and picked up a plushie, placing it in your lap and playing with it absentmindedly as your smile faded. Venture could tell the change in the air and set aside their phone to give you their attention.

“I just felt so empty. Like there was no direction in my life at all. All my friends are chasing their dreams, and I don’t even have one. And you,” you glance up at Venture, “you are living your dream, your passion for archeology is so infectious”.

You take a shaky breath, “and what do I have? I work a meaningless nine-to-five, it doesn’t even pay that well. All I do is force myself to get through the empty days to get to the moments where I can spend them with friends or you”.

“I’m so tired,” you cry, tears dripping onto your hospital gown, “it doesn’t feel worth it some days- like, when I get to be happy, I’m so happy and it feels worth it. But every day in between is so miserable and…” your words dissolve into sobs.

Venture leans over to hold you the best they can over the bed railing, they trace shapes on your back to comfort you as you cry into them. Their heart breaks hearing you cry, and their mind races with possible solutions to your problem. Realistically, they know they can’t help you to the extent you need – they’re not a medical professional. But they think they can make you feel better at least.

When your crying slows down, you pull away, wiping your eyes with your arm. You apologize again.

Venture reaches for your hand, holding it with care.

“What if you came to my expeditions with me?” They silenced the alarm in their brain telling them their job is not safe – clearly, you weren’t safe here either.

“It’s not the most comfortable place to be living, and we hardly have any luxury compared to city life, but you’d be able to see me every day!” they start to ramble, “and I don’t mean that as in I need to see you because I don’t trust you… I just think maybe you’d find it more bearable”.

You stare at them in awe, that did sound nice.

“I would like to, but,” you think out loud, airing out your anxieties.

“I wouldn’t have a job”.

“I can pay for everything, if you’re comfortable with that”.

“You work with a team”.

“My crew would be happy to have you! Promise!”

“What if I don’t like it- I mean, I think I would, but…”

“Then we will try something else, nothing is permanent”.

You soon run out of qualms to have with their plan, “my therapist won't like this idea.”

“I’m sure she can be convinced,” Venture grins.

You sniffle a laugh, “Okay, okay. You win. You make a compelling argument”.

Author’s Note: You’re technically supposed to remove all wet clothing from a person to prevent hypothermia, but I did not know how to write that in, so I guess Venture just did not know better.

The pain of realizing a few scenes and wanting to write about them, but also having to write everything in between. Also, this was meant to be a couple hundred works max, I just can’t help it.