#it's just like i am in high school again

[mumblelard]

arlene or i found a bag of weed down by the river so boba and i are listening to old monster magnet demos

[inkskinned]

one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.

one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.

i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.

the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.

my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.

i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

kendall is always convinced he's going to be able to talk someone into something and he's literally always wrong and i think maybe this is stewy's fault. stewy always talks a big game about how he follows the money and does what he wants and is a complicated guy who's so hard to talk into anything or win over, and then he always does whatever the fuck kendall wants because he's in love with him. but kendall doesn't know stewy's in love with him so he's just like "wow i must be so awesome at talking people into stuff." and this has been going on since they were children

[ch1zzie]

The original in the bottom

Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny

[dreamingofspring]

Oh Sklonda's righteous fury hits so hard, as a kid who WAS taken advantage of in many ways by her friends when she was in school, and whose mom tried to tell her they were being unkind and who didn't believe her until she got kinder friends

[cloudiwithachanceofmeatballs]

I think that simply hearing “kiss, kiss, FALL IN LOVE!” would have the power to wake me up from a coma

[01tsubomi]

cultural perspective being indispensible in media consumption but looking back i find it so funny that for years and years before teaching in japan i thought it was another suspension-of-disbelief surrealist kagepro thing that haruka and takane spent all their time in a homeroom class for just the two of them and now the maximum number of kids we've ever had in my special needs class is 3

[hamartia-grander]

Starting to slowly realise I'm really not doing well mentally and it's. concerning. I feel like I should take a break from tumblr bc it takes some of what little energy I have but it's also my source of joy with friends so idk what to do, like I'd miss y'all more than I'd feel good about being away. But if you notice me talking less/not responding in days it's bc I just cannot. I leave your message notifs up so I don't forget tho <3

[thedownfallofamerica]

Can’t wait to hate Kipperlilly Copperkettle next week

[a-little-podcast-blog]

tonight’s mood (and every night’s mood)

(except I can’t drive so I’ll be taking the bus)

[yardsards]

s1 luz was at least a little bit gay for willow i will not be told otherwise

idk if it was a full on crush but it was at least one of those types of nebulous not-quite-romantic not-quite-platonic "hahaha, unless..." type friendships that a lot of queer teens have, u know the ones

[torchickentacos]

winter depression is here and I am ANNOYED about it

[strawberrybabydog]

for me, some level of trauma related to being the least-favourite child is directly related to playing videogames and boredom

growing up my younger sister got handed the SNES controller and i didnt. she played with my parents and by herself and i watched but didnt play. sometimes this was because i wasnt allowed and other times i thought it was a choice, even though, my choice was because i didnt know how to play and if i asked my mom would have said "really? you want me to start a whole new save file JUST for you?" and i would have quietly said nevermind, and remembered not to ask ever again

when we got a wii, for my sister's birthday she got 2 wii games. for my birthday i got decorations even though i was too young to understand what a decoration is and i just tried playing with them (emphasis on try). sometimes i would come home from school and my sister would have a random gift (something i never got) - another wii game! because it was on sale at blockbuster, and oh sorry Luna, we didnt get anything for you because they didnt have anything you would like.

by the end of our wii, i had 1 wii game that was mine - i chose whenever i wanted to play it, for how long, and if anyone else wanted to play it they had to ask. that was the rules, because it was mine. my younger sister has 11 wii games.

when i was in middle school, i was not allowed to get a better (real) console. it was too expensive. plus, we have the wii, it works perfectly fine, just play on that. m...my one game? that i've been playing since i was 9? that i've 100%'d 5 times? yes.

when i was in highschool i wasnt allowed to have money, especially not to spend online. "luckily" i met an internet friend who was a hacker and sold what he claimed to be abandoned steam accounts. he gave me one for free. i played stardew valley and oblivion religiously, because my laptop was built in 2010 and could barely handle the lowest graphics settings of a game several years older than it. it ended up getting double-hacked so after a year of using it, i once again had no more videogames

now im an adult and i just... cant play videogames. basically none of them. after abut 30 minutes of playing i get so anxious that i have to stop. i havent played stardew valley in about 2 years, my favourite game of all time that i used to stay up until 8am playing.

the game loads, and im anxious because i forget the controls. i walk up to an npc and get anxious because if i dont pick the perfect dialogue tree, im failing myself by not being perfect, so i'll pause the game and go on my phone for 10 minutes to find the answer (i HATE doing this.) i approach a puzzle and im anxious because what if im not smart enough to solve it and i fail again? i need to check if anyone's in the room with me now because if anyone is watching me play they'll know i'm a failure too so i should stop playing. but, videogames are communal (they must be,) i have only ever experienced playing them with someone else there (watching sibling/parents play, watching youtube letsplays) but if someone else sees me fail i'm the worst person ever. and i mean, realistically, how do you even play a videogame for more than 1 hour? how do focus on 1 thing for that long? sounds fake to me

but... i want to play videogames. i know they're experiences. and i want to have experiences. especially because as a disabled person my only other option is youtube. so if i'm not playing videogames, i'm bored out of my skull laying in bed, doing nothing, staring at my youtube screen watching the exact same video essay for the 6th or 7th time this week because the algorythm's only other choice is "perfect damascus steel knife blade DIY"

other than youtube, what am i supposed to do? i cant play videogames - i'm not perfect at them, i cant focus, and i just dont deserve them. there is nothing else.

[milkweedman]

forcing myself to "eat protein" and "be responsible" after once again encountering a week long period of all my muscles hurt so bad and are so weak despite doing the same thing they always do assuming without checking that it was probably because im eating mostly coffee and plain untoasted bread in small quantities. and its not even a whey bread or 100% whole wheat, ive been trying to use up my bread flour/whole wheat blend (i dumped them in the bucket together, maybe on accident ? unclear) so its just that with whatever else i threw in. spent $6 on the only yogurt in the store that had at least 5 grams of protein per 1/4 cup, which is still very little, only to get home and finally google what the symptoms of protein deficiency are. they are not that. those are the symptoms of Who Fucking Knows, As Always

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.

[thebirdandhersong]

hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead