#it's literally a kid how could you hate someone like that? i was fundamentally good. i wish i could go back and tell myself that.

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

growing up is just being embarrassed of your younger selves again and again until you aren't <3

[inke-ri]

So I couldn't help but browse the THG tag bc those books own my whole heart. I actually check it now and again, and it's been interesting see how opinions have changed over the years, especially in regards to Gale and Peeta. Going through the evolution of them as just potential love interests to being far more complex than I could have expected has been a wild ride. Crazy how this reads different than from when I was a preteen.

That said, I wanted to give my unsolicited two cents on my boys, because though I have been enjoying the discussion on Peeta and Gale and what they mean to the story, I also feel like reducing them to Peeta = peace and Gale = war is far too simplistic... and oftentimes unfair to one or both of them.

See, I don't think Peeta and Gale are peace and war/destruction. They're compassion and indignation.

Peeta worries about the other tributes, or their families, or how to repay people like Rue and Thresh for what they did.

Gale is indignation at how the Capitol treats its citizens, it's anger at the injustice of inequality and brutality.

Both are needed in a story like THG. You can't have people like even Peeta not say something like "maybe we're wrong about keeping things quiet in the districts", you can't have him not drop the baby bomb, you can't start a revolution without Gale's indignation at the status quo. At deserving a better life but being denied it, at having your kids be mercilessly killed for literal sport.

However, if you start a rebellion and loose sight of your compassion, you end up no better than the people you're fighting against. Gale wasn't a bad person, imo. His heart was in the right place. He was flawed, yes, but so is everyone in this series. Gale, most importantly, lost sight of the line between fighting for the people he cared about and fighting against the people who hurt him.

Reducing Gale's indignation to just revenge and hatred ignores so much of what he stands for. Who hasn't seen laws passed that dehumanize people, who hasn't been angry and furious when someone is elected who fundamentally hates everything you are, who doesn't think some people need to pay for the atrocities they committed? There's a little bit of Gale in every single one of us - and it's important that it's there, because that's what gives us strength to challenge the status quo and make life better for the future generations.

But. You can't let it take over. You can't loose sight of your compassion or your empathy.

That's where Peeta comes in. Peeta is the voice in your head that worries about how many good lives will be lost when they give themselves up for this cause. Peeta is the worry about the people caught in the crossfire. Peeta is rebuilding when it's over and believing that the next generation will have a better life than your own. Peeta is being kind, even to people who may not deserve it.

And Gale... Gale looses sight of his compassion, and he doesn't realize it until it smacks him in the face when the bombs go off and Prim is gone and he's too far gone. Meanwhile, Peeta advocates for the end of the war even though it means the status quo remains - and regardless of what he believes himself, I don't think Suzanne chose him to say those lines by chance. It means both mindsets have their flaws: too kind and things that shouldn't remain will never be challenged and changed, too angry and you may loose sight of what you're fighting for.

And that's just how Suzanne uses her characters, both of them, all of them. Just look at who is with Katniss depending on the situation:

- Katniss chooses to "rebel" after Gale is brutally whipped. She kisses him.

- Katniss realizes that in order for D12 to rebel, everyone would need to be in on it, and she realizes most of them are not like her, that they're scared and she understands, emphasises with them. Peeta walks by her side.

- Katniss finally does it though, shoots the arrow at the force field, and Peeta is taken from her, it's now Gale by her side.

(You can't start a rebellion without indignation, and sometimes you HAVE to do it or things will never change, regardless of the inevitable pain that will come along.)

- Katniss is righteously angry at the Capitol bombing a hospital full of innocents to make a point. Gale remains there.

- Coin twists people's compassion into an army to fight for her own personal gain. Peeta is hijacked and looses his sense of self.

- Katniss and Gale go to District 2 and even though she tries to be like Peeta, she's still shot- reinforcing Gale's views, the person who was with her during that sequence.

- Katniss is angry at Snow, Katniss goes to the Capitol to kill him. Gale is there.

- Katniss gets in way over her head and realizes she is responsible for the death of most of her squad. She shares the lamb stew with Peeta, and later cleans his wounds.

- Finnick dies and she's at her lowest up until that point and all she wants to do is give up and give in to the anger. She kisses Peeta and begs him to stay with her.

... Claiming that Gale is destruction ignores the fact that he's with Katniss through her own moments of strength. Her desire to change things, to fight back, is as important as her compassion. Mockingjay just brutally shows you what war does to your indignation, to your compassion. How easy it is to cross a line between righteous anger and revenge, or how your sense of empathy and compassion can be manipulated into something monstrous by others, or by all the terrible, brutal, painful things you see.

How easy it is to loose yourself- and that goes for both of them.

Peeta and Gale aren't static characters, they go from representations of sentiments regarding an injust government to what happens to those feelings when an extreme situation such as war breaks out. All of that, by the way, while dealing with this duality themselves, because they are still characters who think and feel and struggle and have flaws of their own- and while I love what they stand for, I've seen too many comments that pin everything into what they mean, that they forget that Peeta and Gale are still people, they aren't perfect metaphors. They're human.

Ultimately, Katniss doesn't really choose peace. She wants peace, yes. But what she chooses is compassion. empathy. hope. There's a time and place for anger at injustice. There's a time when fighting back is the right thing to do. There are even times when you wanna give in to your despair and lash out. But if you want peace, then you have to choose Peeta, because Peeta represents what you need to focus on to achieve that peace. You have to let go of the anger or you won't ever rest. So Gale leaves, and does not come back... And yet, Katniss still has her moments of indignation, of making a stand, even as he goes - she still casts her vote at that meeting, she still shoots Coin. Katniss does not abandon that part of who she is. It's just not her main drive anymore.

So then she goes on to make the choice, every single day, to be compassionate to others. To have hope. To rebuild. Of course she chooses Peeta.

... Idk, man. These boys are so much more than what I see them so often reduced to. They're in all of us. There will be times to stand and fight, and times to show mercy and be kind. We just need to find that balance, as Katniss eventually did.

[artemx746]

(Just copying this from my frustrated-with-the-pjo-fandom induced ramblings on the ta server + al lot more more shit than I expected to write)

I think the main pjo fandom has such a misunderstanding of why Alison might be bad for the show

It's not because she's a new character, I honestly think a new character could be good for the show, but it's because the pjo show team has already shown a fundamental misunderstanding of what pjato should be at its core (that being disability). Alison will most likely only prove what we already knew: that being the show not actually knowing what to do with pjo

Gonna be straight up here, I don't think any of these arguments against Alison are really about the fact she's a new character, season one had plenty of changes that a lot of people were fine with despite them not really making sense (why was Annabeth there for Luke's betrayal). They're because she's a new ta character and that'll either lead to the fandom confronting the fact that they've had a bias against the ta characters for literally no reason (Percy destroyed a bridge and blew up a boat, chb also had child soldiers) or their deep rooted sexism against barely morally gray women without stripping them of their agency.* The only fear I kinda get is that Alison will end up replacing one of the ta characters but unless you're a diehard Kelli fan I don't think there's really much to worry about, I'm not saying she'll replace Kelli as a Luke love interest but rather an 'evil bossy woman' type so they don't need to animate Kelli's hair.

The only thing I'm worried about is the lack of disability. I've rambled about this before on the ta server** but Alison is most likely going to be a child of a minor god, and while I do want more minor god kids, the minor god's kids represent a very important part of the disability metaphor, that being disability hierarchies specifically being detrimental against people with physical disabilities and people with stigmatised mental illnesses (npd bpd schizophrenia etc) . Alison has an open casting, and while that would usually be fine for any other character I doubt they'll cast someone with a physical disability and I highly doubt they'll cast someone with a stigmatised mental illness. So you either have: an abled bodied person acting like they have a disability OR a ruined metaphor and Ethan's eye was lost for nothing.

Ta server ramblings under the cut

*Me: considering how this fandom treats women I do not wanna see them if Alison is in the book. They can't handle Silena without stripping her down to "UwU poor manipulated girl" I do not wanna see them with Alison

making it out that Silena was just in love with Luke and he manipulated her is a) reaffirming the sexist stuff about aphrodite kids and b) robs Silena of her agency to make decisions that she ends up regretting

**Me: Honestly hate when people act like it was just Percy who got the minor gods cabins, buddy did the metaphor go over your That Much. The reason it had to be Percy was because he represents people who already have resources speaking out for those who don’t because they’re more respected. That applies to both Percy and Luke. Percy was not the reason for it it was Ethan,

There is a Reason why Ethan was the first named demigod child of a minor god and he had a physical disability, it has a mythic reason like all of the others but it is still a disability. Ethan represents the metaphor in the minor god demis, that being hierarchies in disabled communities

(this is another reason why I'm scared for Alison in s2 because she's probably going to be a child of a minor god)

what I'm really worried about is they either: make Alison physically disabled and kill her off (killing off all* your physically disabled characters rick how fun)

OR

make her able bodied and the metaphor is lost unless they explicitly say she has another stigmatised mental disability which they will not

*I don't count the kid from toa since he's a background character mentoned once and hephaestus was pretty much disabled in the myths so not rick's

okay end of ramblings jesus christ

[puhpandas]

Evan and Greg are basically your oc's!, what is your interpretation of Micheal in the modern au. Also how does mike not see Evan as a person?

Also flashlight duo is super cute

Has Evan ever been bullied at school?

the ocification beam hit them too hard...

I view Michael in my flashlight duo universe as being like. not how a lot of people portray him. as in he doesnt lash out for a reason. he isnt acting that way towards Evan because William told him to.

it's for sure affected by William's own actions, but as in Michael subconsciously learned those things. he isn't even on William's side really. he sucks as a father to both of them. it's just that michael doesnt respect Evan enough to see him as someone who is supposed to be on his side

Michael subconsciously learned growing up that everything Evan is is bad. and the cool people his age see people like Evan as weak, so he does too.

he lacks any emotional maturity, so a lot of his actions towards Evan are out of his own boredom and resent. he genuinely thinks his reactions are funny. if he ever did realize what he did was wrong, he would have to actually realize. he knows fully that what he does hurts Evan. he just doesn't care. he hasn't developed the intuition he needs to care. you know?

and Michael is around 16 if evan is 12. it's not that hes too young to understand, it's the lack of good parenting, or literally parenting in general. if Evans life is hell because everyone around him hates him, then that means its true. it means the people in hurricane dont like people like Evan (a boy who at his age should be getting manlier, but isnt. sensitive and emotional and physically small and lanky. evan literally has anxiety and paranoia and is neurodivergent and people dont really acknowledge that but they notice. and they don't like it)

the people in their town suck and are mean and so is Michael's father. so of course hes going to stick to what hes been taught and to everybody else who also believes it and is on his side. he was never taught that what hes doing is wrong. hes a bad person but it's a product of horrible parenting and the worst town in the world

in contrast to Michael, in the neglect and bullying Evan has faced its made him kinder. he is the one facing it so he wants to be kind to others instead of being like the people he hates.

I dont want to say he would be more in tune with his emotions than Michael because he wouldn't be. before Gregory, he was so unstable and miserable he was just a big ball of anxiety and emotions. he didnt understand his emotions and have that country mile on Michael's own emotional maturity because he didnt have it in him to learn

and by that I mean he didnt even like himself enough to want to help himself. hed been taught that theres fundamentally something wrong with him that makes him bad and weird and not like anyone else who's impossible to 'fix'. and hed been hearing that since he was a young kid, so of course hed believe it.

but then Gregory comes alone and slowly tries to strip away what Evan had been taught just by being kind to him and repeating kind things. the opposite of what everyone else did.

and that is what makes Evan begin to change for the better. the first thing he learns is that Gregory doesn't think something is super wrong with him that makes him bad and stupid so he starts to believe it a little, too. he begins to see how maybe how hes being treated is unfair and its him seeing himself as worthy of kindness that makes him upset on his own behalf. and what that means is he has better self esteem when before he was so insecure he could never even defend himself a little bit

and its after he gains some respect for himself that he learns how to help himself. he actually thinks he deserves it now, so with his support system in Gregory and his family he learns how he works. he learns what his phobias are and what sets him off and how to calm himself down. and of course he hoped all the way through that changing could be what 'fixes' him and the people around him wouldnt hate him so much. but like I said before its that self respect that confirms it's for himself and not for others

of course that stuff doesnt go away, but he improves. the people around him do notice. they dont care enough to say anything, they're more just suprised or happy hes shutting up in that mean way of theirs. but I think after a while of Evan being comfortable with Gregory and improving himself he would one day just snap.

before, he had layers and layers of nervousness and fear and anxiety and insecurity stopping his very high emotions from boiling over. and with the newfound respect for himself comes the anger on his own behalf of how hes treated.

so i feel like one day he would just blow up with all the emotion without the insane amount of fear stopping him. and it doesnt help, not really.

before, evan wanted to please michael and his father. but now that he wants them to know how much he hates them and how much they hurt him, they are pleased.

he gained more respect but in the worst way. not the way he wanted.

but back to their relationship, I think post-all of this, evan wouldnt want anything to do with him. let's say Michael does have a wake up call when they're both older. hes already ruined his relationship so much its unsalvageable. he caused evan to develop fundamental issues rooted deep (anxiety and paranoia, general things he learned about the world and certain people/groups and traits that he'll have to remind himself arent true) inside of him.

his family had their chance and they blew it hard. evan is definitely in the right to want nothing to do with him or William and to continue growing up and living and laughing with his actual family in his heart. they never get to make it official, but that doesn't matter.

anyway I went on like. a lot lol. for anyone who havent read my oneshot series this is based completely off of that au of mine and in my mind is canon to every oneshot if you do read them. thanks for enabling me to talk about flashlight duo lol you can tell I put so much thought into them every day its crazy

edit: to answer your actual questions lol: it's not that Michael literally doesn't see Evan as a human person, it's that he doesnt respect him enough to treat him with human respect. you know? everything evan is he has been taught is bad and worthless so that's what he thinks. so by extension evan is too

and yeah evan does get bullied at school. I always imagined it was less bullies pushing him into lockers and stealing his lunch money (Williams ass does not give him lunch money let's be real) and more that they just treat him awful. hes either invisible or in the way and then they dont care to be super rude to him. they dont just spout their exact thought process out but they all think of him badly and view him as a big joke. its less blatant meanness and more just treating him awful in general and that's what makes Evan think its normal and that hes asking for it when its not.

[projectmoonlightproductions]

I saw ur post/ask about epic-legend privilege and common-rare hate and let me tell you the pain is REAL. ESPECIALLY with the ancients specifically getting away with so much bullshit over the years. Some of the kingdom fandom is super dope and some of it is more toxic than Chernobyl

my specific gripe with *that* part of the community around kingdom is just… how much of the nuance of the stories are erased and ignored when you give someone who failed English class an iPad. I don’t like being one of those “I’m smarter than you and ur headcanons are stupid” ppl (from first hand experience they are horrible to deal with good god I’m never logging in to fandom.com again), but the lack of media literacy has produced some dog water takes about the stories of the legends + ancients especially. And I’m emphasizing legends too, cuz OvenBreak community is much less guilty of this in my experience but we gave Sea Fairy’s flaws a pass for YEARS and I’ve only ever seen it called into question when I got back into cookie run late 2023. And the post was from April this year we were tripping for a long time 💀

but yeah anyways! The god cookies have pulled some dodgy shit since launch and I’ve rarely seen it explored within fan works or as part of a character analysis.

Take what you were saying about Pure Vanilla and his involvement of Gingerbrave in the BeastYeast plot line for example. How fucked up is that? Pure vanilla is 1. A grown ass man, 2. Fully recovered from the injuries from whatever story mode shit he was in at this point, and 3. A LITERAL GOD? And guess who he brings to solve his problems. 3 RANDOM ASS KIDS

dude wizard and strawberry didn’t 100% have to go (but let’s be real they’ve been so conditioned to do this quest crap that they’d probably choose to go anyway) but brave? They’re a HEAVILY disordered kid who has endured such fundamental developmental trauma (Almost no one talks about the oven and witch when relating to brave btw and it’s insane but that’s for another day) that it’s morphed into him basing their whole identity on 1. Being brave, and 2. Helping people. Even if pure vanilla didn’t sense anything off with the kid’s debilitating dependency on being brave and Not Being Alone and eagerness to fight and kill and die for people she’s known for barely a minute, you’d think the *adult* man could at LEAST say “hm. This is a dangerous god mission. I shouldn’t bring these kids with me.” There is much more I can say but I think u get the general jist.

PV is not a saint. Him, along with every other ancient, is a cookie with both immense power and important flaws who makes mistakes. While everyone has flaws and everyone makes mistakes, these guys have had more time to grow and power over their lives than almost all other characters in this setting ever will, and the sheer weight of some of these, dare I say, juvenile mistakes have had devastating consequences on families, friends, kingdoms, and even the cookie species as a whole. With great power comes great responsibility, but the ancients have been living life as if no one paid the electric bill, when in reality, they’re running the city’s generators.

YES THANK YOU

Especially the part with Sea Fairy because her obsession with Moonlight literally keeps putting the world at risk

Also if an epic cookie has too simple of a design or a basic story they’re forgotten immediately. Like Lime, Sandwich, Macaron, or Salt.

[undead-discourse]

genuinely have to wonder what these people who are so staunchly anti non-offending paraphiles want to happen to said paraphiles. like... what, do you want them to be killed for their thoughts they cant control? you think they deserve to die because theyre mentally ill? do people with homocidal intrusive thoughts deserve to die too, for an act they have not and likely will never commit? i hate to break it to you, but paraphilias are way more common than you think, and the people who have them are humans just like you. some of them seemingly come from nowhere, but a lot of them stem from trauma, which yall dont like to think about because it reminds you that if things just went a little differently, you couldve ended up like the inhuman, irredeemable monsters you advocate for the murder of. either way, its literally not something that the paraphile can control. fundamentally its unlikely any of them will ever be able to shirk their attractions. they can, however, just like you, control their actions. they are people with mental illnesses so stigmatized that its socially acceptable to publicly call for their slaughter. if you fancy yourself someone who thinks that people can be reformed and rehabilitated, someone who identifies as a prison abolishionist or an anarchist, you cannot also advocate for the involuntary killing of people with mental disorders. and you cannot perpetuate this culture of shame and fear and hostility, because all it does is push paraphiles who desperately need help further into isolation, away from the help that they need, and closer to actually offending. if someone is outed as a paraphile, their entire life is ruined. all of their connections are severed. theyre met with constant active hostility for something they never asked for and something they cannot control. so why, then, would a paraphile ever feel comfortable asking for help? how could they ever feel like they can reach out to a professional or even just to their friends and family when the risk is so high? when theyre told that theyre going to hurt people no matter what anyway?

full disclosure, im a paraphile. i wont specify anything beyond that. but for the longest time i really did feel like an irredeemable monster who was doomed to hurt others, that it was only a matter of time. that mindset, unsurprisingly, is not very conducive to recovery. it was only when i found other paraphiles online, learned i wasnt alone, that i didnt have to feel like the only option was death, that i finally felt like i could take control of myself. the isolation was the biggest hindrance to that. feeling like i was entirely alone in the world aside from people who had committed heinous acts, because the paraphiles who havent obviously cant talk about it. except they do, in small corners of the internet, where they still face incredible harassment and shame. still, knowing i was in the company of good people and knowing that my attraction wasnt some conscious choice on my part that made me into an inherent monster helped majorly. i didnt choose to grow up in the environment that i did. i didnt choose what i was exposed to as a kid. i didnt choose how any of that would affect me. i didnt choose to be a paraphile. but i am choosing to be a good person despite it, and im choosing to let other paraphiles know that they can do the same. i know there are some reading this. youre not alone, you can get help, and you can choose to be a fantastic person. youre not doomed. you dont have to die to keep others safe.

to summarize: paraphiles are human beings with mental illnesses just like many of you. and just like you, they need help and support, but its incredibly difficult to get that when the public opinion on them is generally "you deserve to die no matter what." we are incredibly common. you probably know a paraphile. and if that deeply upsets you on a moral level, i hope you know thats the reason why paraphiles hide it and just get worse and worse.

paraphiles are always going to be here no matter how hard you wish they were all dead. thats just a fact. so you can keep making graphic threats against mentally ill people, literally only causing further harm to them and to others, or you can show compassion and a genuine desire to see things get better by at the very least not perpetuating obvious anti-recovery, pro capital punishment, pro thought crime propaganda.

.

[the-butch-of-blaviken]

ok, so. Long overdue Lambert post

I've been thinking about Lambert as a dad, or rather not exactly as a dad but responsible for a small child that primarily depends on him (as opposed to Ciri for whom he could be the fun uncle since Geralt was responsible for all the dad stuff)

I realize this may not be anyone's cup of tea, but what's fun about blorbos is you get to put them in situations they would never logically find themselves in and think hard about how that would work, right? So, why is it compelling to me personally:

as with most things, he can't avoid comparing himself to his brothers' respective experiences with fatherhood: Geralt as the ultimate dad of a princess/literal hero of a prophecy who literally travels across the world and an active war zone to rescue her, and Eskel as the brother who ignored his destiny for as long as he could until it came back to almost literally bite him in the ass

like i said before, he doesn't want anything to do with fatherhood; in fact, i believe he carefully avoids using the law of surprise to avoid finding himself in this very situation among other things. He doesn't believe in destiny (or at least, he doesn't believe in destiny having anything good in store for him) but after what happened to Geralt, who claimed he didn't believe in it either, you can't blame him for being paranoid

plus all of his available father figures range from shitty to extremely shitty, to the point where he's terrified that his very blood might be tainted and that he might be physically incapable of not reproducing what has been done to him

if he ends up caring for a child, it'd be in spite of himself; it would have to be an accident he would have no choice but to go along with, not primarily for the child's sake (that’ll come later) but mainly because he has no way out of it. So he has to be tricked into caring for the child (rubbing my little writer's hands together)

imagine the influence on his character development?? The healing process. The growth. This child embodies a sort of second chance by proxy: back when he was a kid, all of his choices were made for him, so he's going to make it so that this child can choose for themselves what they want (and, as a consequence, i believe he wouldn't tell anyone about them, especially not his brothers. He doesn't trust them not to get any ideas about feeding the child homegrown mushrooms like they did to Ciri)

also, i don't think he would consider himself to be the child's father, more like their caretaker or something equivalent. In fact, i believe being called "dad" is the best way of making him run away as fast as possible, being father is fundamentally associated to something negative in his mind. So he'd be there – he'd watch over the child and worry for them and teach them how to defend themselves, but he'd categorically object to being called anything close to "dad." (maybe it would also be an opportunity to establish a more horizontal relationship between him and his ward, as oppposed to the traditionally more vertical relationship between a parent and their child? Because he's so averse to authority, he'd probably hate representing that very notion in anyone's eyes, especially someone so vulnerable)

[sketching-shark]

Bangs head on my desk. Its sooooo fucking hard I have literally most of the LMK fandom blocked and I still can’t fucking escape that mid ass pairing I want to explode. Honest to god it sucks because I actually like analyzing LEMH and Sun wukong’s dynamic when it comes to the original story and like the idea of a character trying so hard to be this other person they just fundamentally erase any aspect of who they could be. That shit is interesting (especially if you interpret the two as actual family bc there’s a level of. Tragedy there) but NOOO mfs wanna focus on shipping clones/siblings together instead and painfully writing both characters ooc instead of just making an oc good fucking god. ( that being said I really like the art you draw of LEMH. It’s really cool. Keep up the good work 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾)

fregarewargtfds I once saw someone describe the LEMH & SWK ship as jttw retellings's reylo and. hm. yeah.

BUT YEAH YEAH YEAH to this day one of the things I find most baffling about the western monkie kid & jttw fandom is this widespread refusal to even recognize LEMH's actions in the og classic. Because it's like: here we have what could very well be one of literature's first instances of the "evil twin" trope and it's being done SPECIFICALLY in a way to create the maximum amount of conflict and uncertainty for SWK!

Because on one hand the false monkey of the true and false monkey king arc is essentially the very embodiment of everything that SWK ever wanted; LEMH, in copying SWK so completely, does it in such a way where he gets to be both a yaoguai warlord with a loving family AND a holy pilgrim bound for glory at the exact same time, whereas SWK is constantly being forced to choose between the two! But LEMH's also doing it in the worst way possible! He beats Tang Sanzang into unconsciousness, steals their stuff for his own use, and in so doing drives a serious rift between SWK and the pilgrims!

He clearly doesn't give af about the Mt. Huaguoshan monkeys outside of how they can serve as his personal tools to fulfill his own aims! He just wants them to use their own powers of transformation so that they can serve as his own obedient group of pilgrims! He even eats one of them as part of a merry feast he throws for himself after a violent encounter with Sha Wujing, and immediately has that monkey replaced with another! And he's doing ALL of this wearing SWK's face and adapting SWK's mannerisms! EVERYONE thinks that it's SWK doing these things! It's like LEMH's very existence is throwing it in SWK's face how this horrible version of himself is closer to achieving ALL of SWK's desires than SWK ever was, and that no matter how much SWK tries to change for the better even the two sides of his beloved family automatically think even this version which would inflict such violence on them is the "true" him! No wonder SWK hated him so much!

And AUGH the possibility of LEMH either being a manifestation of SWK's worst impulses or of being his brother just ramps the tragedy and horror of this situation even more! Like if it was part of SWK inflicting all this pain on the people SWK loves most, well there is truly something messed up about this situation where even if it's not technically "you" going along with your worst impulses they will still hurt people! Could you ever trust yourself again? Should you? How much of the blame for this situation lies with you? And can it be enough to fully acknowledge you have violent impulses but don't act on them?

And yes @the-bitter-ocean even in interpretations where LEMH is some random yaoguai who decides to commit identity fraud the story from his point of view of him throwing away his identity so completely that there's basically nothing left of him is just...goddamn. In his ambition he literally reduced himself to one part of SWK's story, just one more obstacle for the Monkey King to overcome.

And SCREAM if LEMH was SWK's brother? Imagine this situation where for SWK he's confronted by what is essentially the culmination of his failures to protect his family, where his beloved brother (I'm saying beloved because SWK loved all members of his monkey family very much) ended up despising SWK so much that he has essentially destroyed everything that he was or could have been in his bid to be the "real" monkey king and bring glory back to that name, but does so in the worst way possible to the point where SWK feels he has to take down LEMH himself. And then for LEMH, you can see how love and admiration for his brother would be twisted into resentment, envy, obsession, and hatred due to the series of atrocities the Mt. Huaguoshan simians faced in large part as a consequence of SWK's challenge to the heavens and his own sense of entitlement, so that eventually he convinced himself he would be a more "true" monkey king than the monkey king himself, and thus completely discarded his own identity to take on that of his brother, and in doing so basically tossed his own morals given how his "version" of the monkey king cares for no one but himself.

Sorry for the rant! But all the pieces for a whole series of interesting tragedies are! Already! Right! There!!!!! Why are we all so hellbent on ignoring/rewriting them!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[iwantoseeafrigatebird]

Thank you for the tag(!! @goodsirbeasts

do you make your bed?

Yes, I fold the blanket into a little box and put the pillow on top of it. If its the weekend or I'm going away on trips, I put my stuffed animals in front of the blanket...

What's your favourite number?

4 or 5, birth dates

What is your job?

Give me a job, anything, pls give me a job. I'm a student, I'm jobless.

If you could go back to school would you?

Highschool? Hell no. Undergrad? Yes. But please let me major in sth different this time around.

Do you parallel park?

I can parallel park my bike...

A job you had that surprise people

Give me a job, pls, give me a job...

Do you think aliens are real?

Yes, but our first contact will probably be with some alien bacteria or other microscoptic life forms. Like what the author argued for in the Andromeda Strain.

Can you drive a manual car?

Can't drive.

What's your guilty pleasure?

uh, I don't really have guilt for anything I enjoy anymore(?? But if I have to say, probably eating the McCoy's crisps. Because I insist on licking it first and then eat it. That's why I don't eat them in public, anything worth doing is worth doing right and I want maximal enjoyment for every pence I spend.

Tattoos?

Nah, none, afraid of pain. Also can't settle on sth that I won't regret.

Favourite colour?

Used to be blue, now is purple. I frequenly walk around dressed like a bruise. Or a plum.

Favourite type of music?

I can appreciate basically anything that's not heavy metal or hip-hop, and have favourite artists in many genres. But perhaps folk (traditional ballads, shanties, acoustic ones written in the last century, blues influeced, country-ish, and cowboy trail songs, they all count). It's basically the only kind of music that I sing to myself on a daily basis. Ah for just one time...🎶

Do you like puzzles?

No... I hate them. I don't even like doing jigsaws. Don't have the patience for it. It just doesn't engage me for some reason.

Any phobias?

Insect phobia in general, but especially ones that can fly and big enough for me to notice their anatomy. Just get away from me thank you very much. Also deep sea. I read and write about the sea but I can't swim. I dived one time in the red sea and it freaked me out. Danger danger everywhere and even in clear water on a sunny day, vision is obstructed. Ominous deep blue all around where danger could strike at any moment, falling until you are crushed by water and never touches ground. I really thought I was going to drown back there. Also a serious case of trypophobia, I cannot deal with small holes...

Favourite childhood sport

Badminton, play it with an imaginary net to separate an imaginary court and can never agree on if the shuttlecock is over the net or out of the court, consult imaginary judge. On weekends used to go to the stadium and rent a court with my parents. I am not good but I put my life on the line playing it.

Do you talk to yourself?

When do I not.. I usually am talking to my alter ego Alberto who is also my journal and refer to us collectively using a royal we.

What movies do you adore?

Nostalghia (1983) - Tarkovsky, very dear to me, as someone who left their home country at a young age and have always felt the language and cultural barrier to be insurmontable. But also the hope and longing and things I cannot name in that movie... The only movie that gave me a breakdown.

Stalker (1979) - Tarkovsky, loved the book too, but this film was literally perfect to me. Haven't watched it in years, should tho.

Velvet Goldmine (1998) - Todd Haynes, this is the film that changed me fundamentally as a person, when I was fourteen, watching it on my phone at lunch break. That could be me that could be me that could be me, I thought. It wasn't the gayness, it's seeing people wearing what they want and acting how they want without shame and fear of ridicule, and how it is actually possible. Never seen anything like it. Nowadays that weird, awkward, quiet and also slightly ominous kid in the corner has come out with their velvet and suede and feathers and corduroy flared trousers, and they are all the better for it.

Monty Python & The Holy Grail (1975), no words needed, comrade... What doesn't it have? Holy hand grenade, coconut shell horses, and a question about the carrying capacity of an african swallow.

Coffee or Tea?

Tea, always. Loose leaves please, brewed in a proper teapot. It is my dream to continue my family tradition, existing and chatting over a pot of tea. The first thing when we step past the threshold: "tea?" "yes." Would love to have all my friends around for tea, but they are mostly coffee or non-beverage people.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

Indiana Jones.

ok pls(! @mishawritesstuff

[randomnameless]

The explanation given as to how Sothis interacts with Byleth at the end of 3H if she's S-supported seems weird to me:

“She states that when she granted her full power to them, her soul had permanently bonded with them. When Byleth points out she said she could no longer speak to them, Sothis only replies that she also said they would always be together, and that she decided to come back to them in this way because Byleth was lonely.”

So… Byleth wasn't lonely right after she gave them her power, or at any point during the war? Like, this line seems to imply she could literally have come back whenever she wanted but only did so now because Byleth was lonely, but what about this instance was so special that she felt the need to do so now instead of before?

Also, lol at the explanation given for how she does this even in CF:

“Even in the Crimson Flower route where Byleth loses the Crest of Flames, Sothis states that she no longer requires it as she is bound directly to their soul.”

Guess the edelstan argument that Byleth becomes fully human at the end just got debunked; Sothis will forever and always be a part of Byleth's soul, so there goes the supposed “Byleth becomes more human and that's good and a fundamental part of their character arc in CF” aspect of the route. They're always part-Nabatean no matter what, if this stupid little confession is anything to go by.

TBH Billy being able to marry Sothis always felt like a weird easter egg/kink/nod/thing -

Sothis, as a character, would really have benefitted from not appearing at all and "disappearing" to a higher plane or something after the fusion dance, because it makes the rest of the game completely bonkers if she's here -

Sure she wants to make sure Billy will follow their own path... as they hack her very own daughter (and Nopes, fwiw, showed Sothis doesn't like people who kill her kids!) or follow Clout and Deemitri around their respective plots, when the maniacs who dismembered her kin have her daughter and are most likely working on dismembering her too - nah, sorry, but especially after Nopes, I think it'd be more IC for Sothis to tell Billy to rescue her daughter asap, worry about Cichol and dote on Cethleann rather than help Claude deal with Acheron or liberate Firdhiad.

And I can see a point being made about how, in FE16, with those epilogues (and the reveal she had always been there), some people could believe Sothis thinks Billy's path and future is more important, to her, than her children (Rhea, Cichol'n'his bros, Cethleann) surviving the aftermath of a genocide which blows because 1/ it cements her as the Worst Mother ever + 2/ plays in the orange suckling fest of FE16 about the player stand-in completely warping the verse as they always are the "most important" person to someone, regardless of that someone's preexisting net or web of relationships.

But it's, imo, actually 3/ this situation arises because Billy is a non character in FE16, as in they cannot react to events or even say anything -> from the characterisation and clues given in the non-Fodlan games (FeH, FE17, even Nopes to a small extent) if Billy was allowed to be a character and not a ferry for the player, the second they learn Rhea is captured in Enbarr and is Sothis's daughter, they wouldn't ask her to pick between them (and their lord) and her family, they'd obviously ask her to help them save both.

Also, Sothis being able to marry Billy in Tru Piss is imo the finest cup of Hresvelg Grey out there - you slaughtered her daughter (and son and granddaughter?) but she can still marry u bcs uwu your souls are binded niw and it's all roses and uwu, and not something à la Fomortiis were Sothis will hijack and curse and "destroy" Billy little by little to gain a body to wreck devastation upon the world ; and yet, there's still something hilarious about dumping Supreme Leader, on her uwu route, to marry the Goddess she hates!

[pepaldi]

HI AGAIN ✨

Thousand apologies for the wait. Kept forgetting. Blah. Then the bloody heat showed up and, oh boy. This past Monday and Tuesday I was totally out of it. Slept and spent most time in the bedroom. Felt drugged.

Oh it’s okay, I completely understand, I hate the heat, summer is a nightmare for me and I feel just like that when it’s too hot, drugged, overwhelmed, weak and very angry 🥲

OK, enough of that. Oooh, I really like your url name.

Ohh thanks! It’s a thing from my favorite video game (Klonoa 2, if you’re interested)

I have TV on in the background and one of the characters just said the word overthinking as I read the above part. I dunno why I am telling you this. Might still be the heat. And yes, he would. Yeah, pretty sure he would.

What a moment, hahah, love when this happens (just yesterday I was eating a meat sandwich and the characters on TV were discussing exactly that, meat sandwiches 😁)

Think though, even though he was flawed it still feels like he was a really special guy. Really one of a kind. Just now thought, if any of this other kids would write a book about him what would that look like? The experience Julian and Daniel had was a bit different than Violet's. And of course Mollie's was incredible different.

I would love to read their stories, I think they would show a very responsible and “straight” side of Harold (he changed a lot after he married Erica, he literally sobered up, but his sweet nature was still present). I never really thought too much about Julian’s and Daniel’s childhood, because even though they were raised by Erica instead of Anne, Harold was still their father. Mollie, however, is the one I think about the most, because she lived her most important developmental years without Harold, she was already fully raised and formed when she met him. And I don’t know if I should, but I relate to her a lot, because I see Harold as a father figure sometimes, and it hurts me immensely that I wasn’t raised by such a warm, open-minded, compassionate, and patient person. Harold was a flawed man, like you said, but still one of a kind, and his qualities far outweighed his flaws.

I just need to get of my lazy ass and write and finish what I started. Also start new ones. Hmm, I probably will post something but the real hmm, weird ones, I dunno. Though mind you I have seen fan fics that made me go .. "what the hell am I reading?" (Not in the GB fandom though.) So weird ideas are out there. Not that I do not mind weird ideas (I love weirdness) but there are a few that .. were .. ehm, just beyond that.

I relate to that, I also have ideas and unfinished fics that I really want to get through to post (if it’s any encouragement to you, I’d love to read your stories, even the ones you consider weird. Weirdness is good, indeed 😌). Oh yeah, the “what the hell am I reading” experience, I’ve been on the internet enough years to understand this feeling too~

Haha, addicted is good. Well, to a certain degree. That GB logo is such a classic. Comfort pieces are good. Oh, that is so nice. What photos do you have? If you do not mind me asking? What does the locket look like? Personal Q's there.

(I quite like personal questions, so here they are: 😄)

I had, well still have a locket (just not on me these days) with photos of another man I admire. I found a locket that had words from one of his favorite poems and so had to get it. I do not wear jewelry much but I wrote that one a great deal. My tattoos are my jewelry.

I love how we do this, I think it's a fundamentally human thing, to seek and get attached to objects that remind us of someone or something we love, as a way to feel closer and connected to it. Tattoos or jewelry, it's all from and for love.

I understand. It is one thing to agree to be with other people but the fact that he fathered a child could be seen a kind of betrayal. I am glad they got to know each other though. Violet's and Mollie's friendship and sisterhood is adorable. None of my business but I would also like to know more about Harold and Mollie's relationship. I understand if Mollie might not want to share it but well, you know what I mean.

What “comforts” me is that he was willing to be part of her life if she wanted to, he understood he messed up and apologized (not that Mollie herself is a mistake, of course not, but you know what I mean). And yes! Their friendship is the loveliest thing, I wish nothing but happiness and success to both of them. Violet talks about Mollie’s and Harold’s “relationship” very briefly in her book, I also wanted to know more (I think Mollie is as fun and witty as Violet, and she also writes, I would love to read anything Mollie decides to share, hopefully she will)

Totally understand. I am interested in the good times in those years like Mollie and Violet singing to Harold in the hospital. I can not help it. Possible cause we know so little of those years. Hmm, maybe I have already said that. When I wrote what you said bout his last words I got some images in my mind of either him having told his love one that he loved them. If he couldn't talk maybe he put his hand on his heart or held hands and looked at them with that sweet smile of his.

Oof that almost made me tear up, this is both so painful and so sweet… I can imagine that too, especially because he really couldn’t speak at some point, just stare, that hurts to think about… Such an intelligent, funny guy, unable to speak, feels so awfully unfair, and he had the most beautiful laugh too… (see, this is why I avoid thinking about his last years, I get sad so easily)

Took a look at your list of songs that remind you of Harold and am not familiar with them but you better believe I am going to listen to them. Thank You for sharing that. Listening to them soon. Promise.

Ohh, thanks for listening then! Hope you like them too! Music is very personal to me, so whenever I get a chance to share my playlists it’s like I’m sharing a piece of my own self ☺️

I would also like to meet Harold in the 2000's. Sure, young Harold might be fun but prefer older Harold. Not sure what I would talk about cause I'd probably talk so much he would have to ask me to slow down and take a breath so he would understand me. Or I get so nervous I would go quiet and he would talk but might try and get me to talk back. Maybe. Hmm, perhaps.

That’s adorable actually, shows that you would trust him enough to pour out your thoughts with no restraint, or that you love him so much that you’d become speechless (either way, something tells me he would be honored to get those reactions from a fan). I would cry. A lot. I would (try to) tell him how much I admire him, how amazing he is, but I wouldn’t stop crying, not for one minute.

I do not know how many actually. Some I saw years ago and hardly remember. I have not watched all and not sure I will. I have a strange relationship with movies. I know it might be lame but Ghostbusters is my favorite cause it introduced me to Dan and Harold who I both adore so much. Wait, might have seen Dan in SNL but I do not remember if I did before ,,, If nothing else it cemented my love for them and I do have a fascination for Ghosts.

I see, well, some movies are worth watching (like GB), some others I just disliked a lot, so I understand. And I don’t think it’s lame, he really did a fantastic job in Ghostbusters, there’s a reason why it’s so popular and loved. I’ve been planning to watch some of Dan’s movies too, he was just great (and he also had a fascination for ghosts, didn’t he? 😙)

That .. is .. beautiful. Such a lovely thing to do. That must have been nerve wrecking. Way to go!! We know how much Harold loved to sing so I bet he was beaming right down at you. Ok, reading that got me teary eyed. That .. was .. an incredible sweet thing of you to do. Beautiful!

Wow, thank you! You really made me smile with that, to think he’d be proud of me makes me emotional again 🥲 Thanks a lot ❤️

And usually I re read over to make sure I got it all but I am so warm I need to step away from the computer.

I checked the weather forecast and it still seems to be really warm over there, but I hope you feel better now!

Oh, oh. The profile photo. Love that photo. Then again very few photos of the man I do not love.

Oh thanks, it’s one of my favorite photos of him (and I say that about all of them, every photo is my favorite photo, every decade was his best decade, you know how it is haha)

Also, because I’m already used to asking you questions, here goes another: other than GB, do you have other favorite things you’d recommend? (movies, tv shows, music, even food recipes, anything~)

As always, lovely talking to you! Have a wonderful day/night! ❤️

Hello, hello.

Ugh, been lazy .. again.

And this might not be as long answer as before. I am having some kind of mind block and I really did not want you to have to wait even longer for my reply.

And I don’t know if I should, but I relate to her a lot, because I see Harold as a father figure sometimes, and it hurts me immensely that I wasn’t raised by such a warm, open-minded, compassionate, and patient person. Harold was a flawed man, like you said, but still one of a kind, and his qualities far outweighed his flaws.

I get what you mean and I am sorry you were not. My own experience with my dad is totally different but I am ok with that. I mean, He has always been there for me when I needed and though we do not have that that closeness (my dad is incredible social and I am an incredible introvert) I am good. I do feel for you though.

Also, Harold and his flaws. Was recently reading a bit of the script for Look Who's Talking and some of the things said by Albert aka Harold bugged the hell out of me. But yeah, we all have thrm. Some more than others.

I relate to that, I also have ideas and unfinished fics that I really want to get through to post (if it’s any encouragement to you, I’d love to read your stories, even the ones you consider weird. Weirdness is good, indeed 😌). Oh yeah, the “what the hell am I reading” experience, I’ve been on the internet enough years to understand this feeling too~

Careful what you wish for. Hehe, no but that is sweet of you to say. Ah yes, the internet can be such a cesspool. Not just in fanfiction. Or rather there are far, far worse things on the net that ff's.

Your locket is lovely! I love how you have choosen side profiles to match the locket. Very nice. And from different decades. It might be the photo but I actually love the blue hue on his hair in the second photo.

Maybe Mollie will share her story one day. I find it sad how people cut her out of their life cause of the paternity. She is the innocent one in it all. I find it a bit heartbreaking how Harold asked Violet about Mollie when he was sick and Mollie wanted to be there but thought it might be a sad reminder. Something like that. Can not have been easy.

Such an intelligent, funny guy, unable to speak, feels so awfully unfair, and he had the most beautiful laugh too… (see, this is why I avoid thinking about his last years, I get sad so easily)

Always sad when a brilliant mind has such a fate. Gene Wilder got Alzhemeirs. Terry Jones got dementia. So tragic.

Ah, the songs. Darn it. Have not listened much I'm afraid but I will. I keep forgetting. Happens .. to .. me .. a .. lot.

Two films with Dan I really loved and liked is My Stepmother Is An Alien and Dragnet. The first one I have seen multiple times.

Favorite things, oh boy. Ehm ..... So bad at this.

I do like documentaries.

Wild Wild Country on Netflix is a truly wild ride. Really good. About a cult. So many twists. Netflix has several good True Crime stuff if you like those. I need to catch up on some myself.

Another one is House of Secrets: The Burari Deaths. You should know this one is disturbing to watch and what they talk about. Good though. You can see some of the comments I got on a post of it here.

Some Tv - Shows ... I like animated series so American Dad, Family Guy, South Park, Futurama and Simpsons. British TV like Granada's Sherlock Holmes, Inspector Morse, Doctor Who and Monthy Python to name a few. NCIS, Doom Patrol (so weird), Married with Children (cult tv), The West Wing and well, depends on mood but those are good shows.

One of my favorite music albums is by George Michael. Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1. It is brilliant.

Oh, I recommend watching Randy Feltface. So funny. Foul laungage some but so darn good.

I feel like I gave forgotten half of what I was gonna say. Bleh!

The weather has changed a bit. It was raining and then some sun and now raining again. Suppose to be raining a lot now. We will see.

Sorry to make it so short this time.

Hope you are well.

And it is always great to talk to you too. 😊

Bless. ❤️

[squadron-of-damned]

okay so i tortured you with freddy the other time with the character ask meme and now i am going to annoy you again bc you literally made frieda up and i need input on that cunt of a woman

My first impression of them

When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you’ve sent me a character I don’t like)

A song that reminds me of them

Describe the character in one sentence

What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?

A childhood headcanon

How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc)

A weird headcanon

What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?

The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren’t?)

Feel free to add more that I did not cover/infodump me (ILY, i'm so sorry SYHLJK)

This is going to take me a while.

My first impression of Frieda were questions: "What kind of a person could have raise up Manfred von Karma for him to turn out the way he did? What was her fundamental flaw that they ingrained a trauma of perfectionism into two generations?" (arguably you could cay three generations; Manfred fathered Franziska fairly late) I knew what she needed to be for the story/family tree to make sense, but I also had to figure out how to make it make sense as a self-contained person.

I think that I first began really hating her when I got the idea that she corrected her children's (and their progeny's) grip on writing utensils and cutlery. (As a kid I had always loathed that and it more cemented in me to hold the pens and pencils wrong.) It was fairly late at night and some alcohol might have been involved, so the idea of that crossbred with the idea of "slapping ruler/twig over fingers as corporeal punishment" and it came out as breaking fingers, mostly on accident. Damage to fingers had always creeped the fuck out of me. So... since then I really do not like Frieda. At all. No going back.

Sorry, besides the Ride of the Valkyries I really haven't got anything right now. I'll get to this question at a later date.

"Your parent's control obsessed mother whose upbringing didn't teach them to be nice, but how to get around the rules, and by the gods you live in fear that as the years come you are going to grow up closer and closer to her image."

Hats. Specifically fascinaters. Second is the "First Republic era" (1918-1938) of Czechoslovakia. She is a girl of that era.

Did a lot of those child drawings. Her father never put a single one on display. So she was dedicated to "get better" until her drawings would be "good enough" to make it on the fridge or something the like. That was probably when all the shit began spiraling down...

As a kid she was doing her best to get her father's attention. However, papa was always very busy and didn't have much time for her. She had all the toys she wanted, was free to pursue any education in any field she wished... but papa didn't have time for her and mamma left when she was young. Baby Frieda just wanted someone who cared.

Living with Bernard had consequences and those consequences were Frieda's strange understanding of electronic and electricity. She owned a literal lightning in a bottle, until one day the fuse-box blew out, at which point 70-something old Frieda von Karma put on rubber gloves (for insulation), grabbed the lightning from the bottle, taped it into said fuse box and ever since then the electricity in the house behaves perfectly. Somehow.

She did actually eventually come to love Bernard. She found out a tad too late, though.

Probably fussed over her appearance too much. She had to look "perfect". I suppose a lot of anti-aging cream was involved in her routine.

I... I don't think I have to answer that one, do I? I mean... Take Manfred von Karma's parenting, take away all the honey (and pancakes) from it, then crank it up to eleven.

Seriously, Frieda's fascinaters are an important part of her characteristics for me, because it was the only thing of her she allowed to be expressive. Her demeanor was always poker-face stoic, her paintings were strictly realistic (unless she decided to do a different style, and even so it was a very realistic take). So her fascinaters were a way of communicating to her surroundings how she felt and what was she going through. She would swap them through the day if her mood changed.

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

[cryptocism]

ive been getting really deep in the weeds about the speed force and its properties lately which has brought up a multitude of questions that maybe someone who has read more flash comics than me can help me out with.

so at the very end of Mercury Falling, there’s a little excerpt from Iris’ book which is: “the speedsters draw their energy from an extradimensional field that lies beyond the speed of light. Neither cognizant nor sentient.” 

which makes perfect sense, the speed force is literally the manifestation of motion: energy being force and distance, distance being speed and time. It’s a physics formula imagined as a real place you could go.

but then the excerpt continues: “it nonetheless serves as a Valhalla to speedsters past, hosting their spirits and using their powers wisely, apparently passing it to those it deems worthy.” and the narration is accompanied by Max getting his powers returned to him, and explicitly “Deemed Worthy” by the speed force.

the whole thing with speedsters living on in some way shape or form within and even through the speed force has long since been established, but this idea that the speed force is simultaneously non-sentient and yet still can make value judgements of people is eating my brain. Because that means that the speed force has to have some form of consciousness, and that consciousness is explicitly stated to be every single speedster that has come and gone.

so the speed force... has to be fundamentally biased, right? It chooses conduits; Barry, Wally, Max, etc. And if when speedsters die they’re subsumed into the joint-consciousness of the speed force, necessarily any new conduits chosen are appropriate to the values held by all the previous speedsters: they pick people like them.

but being a conduit is also provably genetic and not a Chosen One thing. Bart ostensibly got his powers because he’s a direct descendent of Barry Allen, you can’t exactly do a personality test on a fetus. Or is it because the speed force is extradimensional and therefore can see the whole timeline and understand based on that that Bart was a good choice to have speed powers? But if that’s the case, why do so many villains who categorically do much more harm than good still have superspeed? If the speed force can deem some people worthy of speed and some people not, 1. why is it genetic, and 2. why do the people who use it for harm still have it? 

The speed force has to have some kind of parameter of worthiness in order to choose who’s worthy, so is it literally just familial favoritism? Bart and Jai and Irey have powers because Barry Don and Wally all have connections to the speed force, and the speed force likes Barry Don and Wally so it lets their kids have super speed as a treat? I guess?

But then it has to be at least a little bit genetic because otherwise why would Thad have super speed? There’s no reason for the collective consciousness of the speed force to deem him worthy of anything, he has no real emotional connections with anyone in the speed force, and the guy who came up with the whole Inertia Project thing is in no way connected to the speed force so like? What is it?

Is the speed force a random Chosen One generator or is it a Chosen Bloodline thing? If it can choose whether or not a person is worthy of speed, how does it make that decision? What is the criteria? Is it an extradimensional infinite force acting indiscriminately or is it the collected consciousness of a bunch of dead people???? im violently eating rocks like potato chips i hate comics

[carpisuns]

I'm not saying SentiAdrien isn't interesting and that it doesn't make sense... but it would hurt. A lot. If they made it canon. I think my heart would actually break in two for Adrien. I'm worried about him :(

totally feel you, anon. personally i do like and buy in to the theory, but i have been coming to terms with it for like two years now, so i've had a lot of time to process. i definitely went through a period where i was super upset by the theory and absolutely hated it so I understand people's reactions to it and why many refuse to put stock in it until it's undeniably confirmed in canon.

ofc no one is obligated to like/agree with it but i thought it might be nice to highlight some points that helped me feel better about the theory. I also want to highlight some reasons that people are uncomfortable with this idea because i've been sensing this attitude in the fandom that if you're not 100% on board with the theory then you're like intellectually inferior or something? or like weaker/less mature? when in reality people have what i find very valid reasons for not liking the idea of sentiadrien. so idk, here is kind of my approach to the theory, taking into account both positives and negatives.

(this is long, sorry lol apparently i had a lot to say lasjkdfkja)

First of all, some stuff that makes me feel better:

no matter how adrien was created, he is a real person who has real feelings and makes real choices. we've been watching him for 4 seasons now and i hope that learning something new about his backstory will not cause anyone to think of him as a fundamentally different person (or worse, not a person at all). he is a Good Boy! and a Real Boy. he's not a machine or a doll or a Thing. he's a living, breathing, emoting person.

thomas has confirmed that sentis are created to be whatever the creator intended, so if they're created to be human, that's what they are. there is no physical difference between a normal human and a peacock-created human—they can grow/age, have kids, feel pain, experience emotion, and make their own choices (so long as they are not overridden by the amok holder). we have already seen adrien aged up and seemingly doing fine in timetagger, and the potential humanity of sentis was proven in the episode "ladybug," when the ladybug senti was given control of her own amok and chose to side w the good guys.

although sentiadrien seems like a pretty dark twist in the series, miraculous ladybug is still a children's TV show, so I'm confident that in the end marinette and adrien will be happy together and that adrien's autonomy (or life) will no longer be threatened by someone controlling his amok. maybe he will be in possession of his own amok, or maybe he will be (or is currently) such an 'advanced' senti that his existence no longer depends on the amok and he can safely destroy it.

the idea of a literal/magical representation of gabriel's manipulation could be a really cool plot device and a valuable part of adrien's character arc. if in the end adrien is able to control or destroy his amok, it shows in a very obvious and real way how adrien is freeing himself from an oppressive power and taking control of his own life, which could potentially be really powerful for kids to see

in fact, narratively and symbolically i think the idea of sentiadrien is pretty cool, because he was originally created to be exactly what his parents wanted (as we saw in wishmaker), but he has grown so much that he's breaking the mold and becoming his own person. and the fact that he's chat noir holds some awesome symbolism with that bc it shows how destruction can be a good thing—how he can destroy in a constructive way that helps people, including himself. while he literally destroys things in his struggle against the supervillain hawkmoth (sometimes even physical symbols of oppression, like cages and chains), he symbolically destroys things in his struggle against his abusive father (by disobeying when he disagrees, by going against expectation, by continuing to choose good and be kind despite the abuse he's faced, etc.). and when adrien finally learns that hawkmoth and his father are one the same, it would be really cool for those literal and symbolic displays of destruction to be combined, so that adrien physically destroying the rings or whatever would also be a symbolic emblem of him destroying his metaphorical shackles.

sentis are creatures created from an emotion, so adrien is basically the embodiment of whatever emotion emilie (presumably) used to create him—likely love. that is the very essence of his character, and i think it's a beautiful idea.

whatever abuse adrien has suffered at gabriel's hands is absolutely NOT excused just because adrien is "not real." he IS real. the abuse is real. and if gabriel sees it differently, then that just shows who the real monster is.

if and when adrien finds out, he's going to be devastated. that is a huge, life-altering paradigm shift both for him and for his loved ones who didn't know. i imagine he will go through an intense identity crisis, wondering if he's even real or if he should still be allowed to exist, possibly feeling horrified and disgusted with himself, and that would be super hard to watch 😭 but he won't be alone! the news would be a shock to marinette and plagg and nino and whoever else knows, but i think they will have a quicker time accepting it than adrien will because after the initial shock has faded, i think the reaction will be like "he's still adrien and i love him and the rest of it doesn't really matter" (like in a way that affects their view of him). so they will be there for him and reassure him and help him come to terms with it all. adrien had to cope with his mother's disappearance largely on his own, but at least for this trauma he will have people who truly care about him by his side. if adrien is the embodiment of love and has spent all these years giving giving giving, his darkest moment could be the one where he finally gets all that love back and then some.

some potentially problematic stuff:

even though most fans will still recognize and even cling to the fact that adrien is a real person no matter what, there are always going to be those who see the senti theory as stripping away adrien's humanity. and even though i'm sure that's not the way the creators intend it to be taken, they had to know that many people will see it that way, which in some fans' eyes makes this a poor narrative choice (like, writing it into the showing knowing that many people will misinterpret)

the trope of someone artificially creating a child through magic or scientific means is a touchy subject for a lot of people, for various reasons. maybe because adoption/foster care is not presented as a valid/desirable option. or maybe because the artificial creation is usually presented as this shady, evil thing, which could be hurtful to those who are pursuing non-traditional birthing methods like in vitro fertilization, surrogacy, etc.

adrien being a senti means that his abusive parent is not a blood relation, which doesn't negate the abuse at ALL, but it does play into a potentially harmful trope. abuse is abuse no matter what, but for some reason in storytelling it is pretty common to make manipulative, abusive guardians not be the victims' actual parent (like rapunzel and mother gothel, quasimodo and frollo, harry potter and the dursleys, cinderella and the evil stepmother, really like most step-parents in any story tbh, etc.). this kind of implies on the flip side that only non-blood parents would ever be abusive—that your real parents would always love you and treat you well. which is sadly just not true, as many abusive guardians are the victim's actual parent.

a lot of people feel that sentiadrien takes away from the reality of adrien's abuse and the significance of his arc—not because they think his being a senti negates the abuse but because it adds a narrative layer that they feel is unnecessary and serves to soften/obscure the actual abuse. adrien's story can and does involve overcoming abuse, even without the senti element, so why include it?

(not all of these complaints are ones i personally agree with, but i do understand all of them to a level and i think people's concerns about them are valid.)

the senti theory has opened up a lot of ugly discourse so i'm just here to say that if you're upset by it, that is completely understandable. i get it. i hope the things i pointed out help you feel a little better about it. give yourself some time and you might warm up to the idea. but if not, that's okay. this is a tv show meant to entertain, so if it makes you feel stressed or sad or angry instead of happy, it's OK for you to step away from the fandom or from ML altogether, either temporarily or permanently.

and if you are a fan of the senti theory, that's cool too! but please be aware of people's feelings and try not to brush aside valid concerns. not everyone is gonna have the same reaction to everything in the show, and that's okay. a lot of this goes beyond normal salt (which is easily ignored and shouldn't be encouraged), so i'm hoping we can all be understanding of and gentle with each other, whether or not you enjoy the theory.

as for me, i am enjoy and support the senti theory but do have a few qualms, so i am just trying not to count my eggs before they're hatched. i'm eagerly waiting to see how this will develop in the show, and while i enjoy engaging with various fan theories surrounding this issue and have some ideas of my own, i'm not betting on anything too solidly just yet. just remember that there is still a lot we don't know about this, so it might be best to just wait and see. although i've had some mixed feelings about some of the writing choices in s4, overall i just love miraculous ladybug and find the plot engaging and interesting, and i trust the writers to deliver a good, satisfying story in the end, even if it's different from what i'd initially imagined.

hope this helps!

[grenade-maid]

Just finished Lain. Watched the last episode twice, which gently removed my heart from my chest and pulped it into a fine paste in a mortar and pestle. This hit much closer to home than I expected.

In my Lain epistemology post I somewhat flippantly made an aside that the series was only tangentially about Lain the actual character. By which I meant that my read on the series up until that point (around episode 8 or 9) was that each episode was teasing apart different aspects of the ambiguity of truth, knowledge, information, and communication, with the events of Lain's life being almost just a sort of example case study for how these concepts can impact someone on an individual level. Lain was framed in a kind of zoomed out way as an abstract avatar moving through these events without a whole lot of expression of her personal thoughts and feelings.

And then we get to the last three episodes.

It's in this space that Lain the 8th grade age girl with thoughts and feelings and wants and needs and fears comes into painfully sharp focus. The beginning of the final episode sums up and contextualizes what all of this has always been about.

Who am I? What is the real me? How can I tell what's real about me if everyone interprets it differently?

Do I even exist if other people can't see me?

The flippant bravado that I expressed in that post is the same attitude that Lain has been applying to her own very sense of self throughout the series, as just another arbitrary and moldable piece of information subject to interpretation with no inherent truth.

She effectively commits suicide by removing herself from sight, mind, and memory, of everyone around her. After all, if they have no knowledge of her, then she no longer exists. But what is lurking in the subtext of this finale is that she fails to consider that everyone she is cutting off is equally subject to this process. She imagines that without her meddling they are able to be happy. But that's all it is, imagination.

She doesn't exist to them anymore because she erased their knowledge of her, but it goes both ways. In doing this, they cease to exist to her, too. The image of the happy lives of the people she knew don't come from real observation or fact. It is something that she is imposing upon her memory or imagination of those people, which is only possible because she's removed herself from the possibility of being reminded just how complex and occasionally painful their lives will be with her or without her. In those scenes nobody misses her except in these brief fleeting moments where they remember some fond association with her, before moving on to their happy lives.

But this isn't reality. She isn't seeing these people. This is how she comforts herself, by imagining that everything is for the best without her, and nobody has to feel the pain of missing her. But that's not something she can know or control. The pain they feel upon losing her doesn't exist only because she has removed herself from where she might see it and have to acknowledge it.

Do I even exist if other people can't see me?

This phrase is taken to its literal extreme in the finale. But I think it's important to take a step back and really think about what this means on a more human level, especially when it comes to the kinds of struggles that everyone, especially kids that age, are dealing with.

That is to say, even if you literally physically exist and go about the world talking to people going to school eating dinner and so on, if there are parts of you that people don't know about, if there are things inside you that you can't express, you quickly come to the painful realization that to other people, that stuff just doesn't exist. Which means that whole side of you doesn't exist, according to the outside world. And if that side of you encompasses something important about your identity or your experiences, it's hard to not come to the conclusion that the real you, the entirety of your being, doesn't exist to them either. And when you try to tell them about it, or when they notice on their own, but they don't understand or perhaps outright reject it, hasn't some fundamental part of your humanity been erased? In this kind of environment it's easy to start doubting that any of it exists at all. After all, if nobody else will recognize it, you've only got your own word to go on. And that isn't always enough to trust.

And again, keep in mind that this goes both ways. I think Lain's sister is the clearest example which is given by the series. One episode she begins as a character, someone who has thoughts and a personality and so on. By the end of the episode she is reduced to the state that she will stay in for the rest of the series, blank-eyed and senseless. That fully fledged self she had still exists though. Lain just stops being able to see it, so effectively her sister stops existing for her.

Do I even exist if other people can't see me?

When you are isolated you can say anything about yourself. You can say you're nobody, or you're God, or perhaps something even wiser and greater than God. It can feel powerful to start writing your own existence and rationalizing your own isolation, the perceptions of others be damned. You can say well, my parents don't understand me and I stopped being able to connect to my sister, but who cares! Family is just arbitrary biology anyway! What if they aren't even my family at all, and are just plants put in place by a secret organization. I'm not lonely, I'm just seeking a greater truth, a conspiracy that only I can see! I don't make social mistakes, I'm not afraid of hurting anyone, that's the fake me running around out there! But it's not sustainable. Eventually life comes crashing down, whether it be in the form of interference in the material world, or if that mental state with all of its attendant self-spun narratives just finally collapses.

As with most things in this series, Lain's interactions with "God" are written in a very abstract symbolic way. But, the pattern that it follows seems very familiar to me as one of a predatory adult grooming a vulnerable minor. He alternates between gassing Lane up as the most powerful and important being who has ever lived, and then in the next breath saying that she's nothing. In peddling his conspiracy theory narrative of humankind merging with The Wired, of Lain simply being a powerful piece of software meant for Grand Purpose, he feeds into her struggle for identity and the need to be seen and understood by at once validating these feelings and how confusing they are, while reinforcing her isolation and his own dominant grip over defining the shape of the world and society.

When Arisu finds Lain living in filth and comforts her, that is one of the rare moments that the raw, vulnerable, material world Lain, weighed down with no pretenses, pokes her head out. That moment of genuine intimacy that she has been so hungry for this whole time is enough to allow her to retaliate against "God" when he shows up in anger upon being doubted. When Arisu reacts poorly to this sight, though, is when Lain makes her final dive back into her own walled off reality. For as much as she wants to be seen and held and comforted by this girl she loves, it is far more painful for her to have to witness and live with the feeling of rejection and guilt that came from Arisu's fear in the aftermath.

The final image of her father finally expressing the real tenderness she has longed for. The imagined future of Arisu dating her former teacher well into adulthood, because it's the only model of a relationship Lain has ever seen someone want, because her parents certainly don't seem happy, and she herself didn't get anything out of the boy who kissed her. The final statement, "I will always be with you". As with everything in the series, these can be interpreted many ways. But to me it reads unmistakably as the final moments before suicide.

In any case though, after all that, it seems fairly starkly clear why Lain resonates so strongly with trans people. Contrary to the old saying that all happy people are happy the same way, but all miserable people suffer uniquely, this path to despondence is depressingly common. It is the way out that is unique to everyone who finds themselves there. I hate to say it, although I feel very lucky to say that I have survived being in that place many times--which I think is proof that it is possible to get to the other side and make a good life, despite everything-- I think if it had ended any more neatly or more positively, it just wouldn't feel as honest. It captures the depth of that state of being. That's just what it's like. And as heavy as it is to sit with, I get a lot from being able to see something painfully familiar to me reflected in such a raw way. After all that, a happy ending would just feel disingenuous. I mean, that's my life, and any happy ending they could have written just isn't how it went.