#it's makes me sad anf angry at the same time

[fitzselfships]

Accidentally made myself sad time to watch Little Robots and think about Stretchy to cope <3

[thorninyourpaw]

the new level of depression that unlocks a couple weeks into being 20 is definitely not my favourite i can’t even really cry about it it’s just this constant dull knife directly in the heart you can feel your heart trying to beat around it but the very act of your body trying to keep itself alive is just agony because every beat just guides the knife further in. it’s not even a particular sadness anymore it just feels like all my emotions have gone stale i feel everything and nothing at the same time i can’t enjoy myself every single action makes me feel nothing but guilt and i don’t even know why it keeps me awake at night even just messaging someone new keeps me awake for fucking days

every single night i think about when i messaged geoff snd i want to throw up because i feel like the most fucking annoying person on the face of the planet i want to rip my head off guilt over everything just consumes me guilt for everything i do guilt for everything i chose not to do it surrounds every single thing i do i’m so tired i’m so tired of being unable to be happy i’m tired of living in this house i can’t have peace quiet privacy medication time to just cry time to breathe space i dont have a door she used to deny me of any medication or therapy because she “thought i was fine” but now she says we’ll do it that i can have medication but she just keeps lying like she always does about everything and i’m not sure what hurts worse it’s too late anyway it’s too late to fucking try my body is mangled my brain is in pieces ive already euined everything my family is dying thinking and knowing that i’m useless ive seen so much fucking horror ive seen so much ive experienced so much anf i wanted none of it i just want to be happy i just want someone to love me but i need someone to take care of me and i know who i want and who i wanted and it’s just all fucking useless to even bother thinking about what life would be like because it wont happen im not worth the trouble worth the fucking fight worth all the fuccking bullshit i put everyone through i dont want anyone new but no one in my life would ever ever ever want to fucking deal with me like that because nothing is never enough but everything is always too much i cant deal with affection half the time it makes me want to fucking vomit but i need someone to want to just let me rest my head in their lap when i need it i need so much space but none at the same time i want attention but when im getting attention when i dont want it it makes me fucking sick in the stomach and makes me want to run away nobody wants to deal with that to deal with all this stupid fucking bullshit because its so fucking easy to throw myself off or get thrown off and i feel like a horrible fucking person because im just fucking impossible and i just make it miserable for everyone and things just keep getting worse and worse and one day i might not even be able to stand someone even complimenting me and i dont understand ehy it keeps getting worse and why my body goes against what my brain wants or my brain goes against what my body wants why can nothing work why can’t affection just make me happy why cant i just be normal why cant i just fucking be normal wnd have a normal life and have a family who likes me have a dad that doesnt just keep surveillance on me have a mum that’s truthful and doesn’t try to make me relapse that doesnt hurt me that didnt lock me in a garage with sick kittens dying in my arms becayse she refused to take them to a vet no matter how much i screamed and cried who doesnt confuse me so much that doesnt make me feel so upset and sad and confused and angry for loving her a mum that doesnt get angry at every tiny thing i do that just is a good mum why cant i have friends that want to see me and just have a picnic or just go to a beach ones that dont live hours away ones that will just be kind kaja broke my heart because she makes the prank tattoo into this weird branding thing when i just wanted to make both of us laugh she insults me and tries to freak me out she just wants to ridicule me

i dont understand why so many people just want to hurt me why im so deserving of it why nobody wants to be gentle and why i can’t just let someone be gentle without being terrified they’ll leave and it’ll all go wrong and they’ll start hurting me like so many other people i just want someone to say something other than “oh that sucks” or “oh im sorry” when i tell them something that hurts me i want people to react when i tell them about abuse about loss about what’s happened to me becayse no one reacts no one says a thing and it kills me i just want someone to think what ive been through is bad i want someone to just tell me how i feel is okay i want people to stop acting like its normal like its not even worth commenting on i want people to hurt for me instead of ignoring me and my emotions i want someone to really fucking care i just eant a normal life

[hello-yue-here]

Yuetara, zukka, and maiko

yuetara

ship

1) its not one of my main ships. i dont rlly read fanfic for them but if i see a cute fanart of them ill enjoy it and i think i first started shipping it because of good fanarts for them.

2) i like yuetara because of how similar they are. theyre both women from the water tribe. they both understand the misogyny that they have faced. and they both said f sexism im gonna be a strong woman. i also love the tui and la parallel. moon spirit and ocean spirit parallel COME ON. YUE IS THE MOON. KATARA IS THE MOST POWERFUL WATERBENDER. THEY ARE THE OCEAN AND THE MOON. the push and pull they could give eachother. that dynamic ftw.

3) i guess if i didnt like something about this ship would be the fact that if i read a fic or see a fanart w yuetara then than means in that particular au i wont get any yuekka and yuekka is probably my second favorite ship. but then again if i get yuetara than i could get a plethora of other sokka ships to go with it so my sadness disappears in like two seconds. gosh shipping is hard sometimes until you remember ‘hey i have like fifty different universes in my head. all ur ships can coexist in ur brain olivia’ other than that i really see no downsides to this ship. maybe i wish it had more content. maybe if it had more content id ship it a lot more but its not one of the more popular ships so the content is kinda few n far between on my feed.

zukka:

SHIPPP

1) my boys. my babies. my loves. i watched this show for the first time when it came out on netflix and when it ended i really didnt ship anything other than kataang. i came onto tumblr to find fun atla content and one of the very first things i saw under the atla tag was zukka content. i was like oh? whats this? zukka? interesting... i was intrigued so i found a list of fic recs and i fell in love with the ship. the rest is history. its probably my number one ship because it was my very first ship here and im nostalgic

2) oh boy there is so much i like about this ship. i relate to a shit ton of characters in atla. but sokka and zuko may be the ones i relate to most. i relate to sokka because i tend to feel second best a lot to my friends. i try to stay positive but things rarely go the way i plan or hope for them too and while im happy for my friends and their achievements i oftentimes find myself thinking why cant that be me? and i see this a lot in sokka especially in sokkas master. i dont feel special a lot and idk seeing sokka feel the same way and then realizing he is special kinda helped me realize that im special too. on the flipside i relate to zuko because i have wild anger issues and difficulty dealing w my emotions a lot as well. i get broody and short tempered and insecure very often and i tend to push people away and i refuse to ask for help (the amount of teachers and adults and therapists who have told me its okay to ask for help ur not any weaker because of it is astounding. do i listen to them? .....im working on it.) and i saw a shit ton of this in zuko. book one and two zuko rarely asks for help as seen in the blue spirit and zuko alone and he pushes away uncle so many times and even when the gaang iffers to help him in i think its the chase he tells them to leave. when he finally has his redemption and joins the gaang and lets them kinda become a better person i was so happy. i want that for myself yk. seeing him finally win the agni kai and overcome his family that always told him he was nothing was such a win. my sister and i get along but when we were children we were very much like zuko and azula. it was extremely competitive all the time and there was so much toxicity and sibling drama to a concerning extent. we get along great now which im very happy about but yeah their sibling relationship hit a lil too on the nose for me. seeing as i relate to these character so much and want them ti be happy i want to live vicariously through them so seeing them together is amazing for me to project into them. i love projecting onto fictional characters and with them i can project onto BOTH so its a winwin. plus so many zukka fics are so well written and heartwarming and heartbreaking and emotional and fluffy anf UGH the talent here us astounding.

3) what do i not like about the ship? again the list is long. oops. mainly the toxic shippers. there are so many toxic zukka stans that sometimes make it hard for me to enjoy this ship but hey! thats what the block button is for:) i despise how often people infantilize zuko and completely ruin his character for the sake of making him a soft weak lil boy who needs protecting. thats just not zuko for me. and ive seen many many accounts even state that this kind of portrayal of zuko is rooted in racist stereotypes about asian men (now i am white so i personally have never experiences racism but i feel the need to bring that up because it is wrong and attention needs to be brought to it because a lot of poc fans have criticised this) and the same for sokka. some ppl rlly skew his character and make him a big strong brute and hypermasculine and once again poc fans have said that this take is rooted in racist stereotypes. again! these are just my opinions! this is my favorite ship! but i think its important to acknowledge some of the bad parts of our ships as well and be critical where criticism is needed :))

maiko

ship

1) I LOVE MAIKO. “i dont hate you” “i dont hate you too” BRUH. my little heart just burst into flames. im sorry guys but maiko is so cute. they hate everything except eachother. BRUH that is one of the cutest tropes. i shipped them the moment i saw them together onscreen and i was so happy when zukos face lit up in the finale when mai came back.

2) “i hate everything but i have a soft spot for you” TAKE MY MONEY I AM A SUCKER FOR THIS. they are so cute together. like zuko is rarely happy in a majority of atla but mai makes him happy and i- 🥺🥺 HE DESERVES IT. and mai is always so supportive of him. when hes stressing out about the war meeting she tries her best to comfort him. and zuko cares about her too. he may not be the best at showing it but oh my god hes TRYING HIS BEST. i think its a very accurate portrayal of teenage relationships because they arent perfect and they do fight but like,, every teenage relationship does that. and even after everything and how he left her in the fire nation she still had his back at boiling rock. she still risked her life against azula to save his butt.

3) the thing i hate about maiko isnt even about maiko. its about antis who think mai is toxic and that zuko deserves better. that has got to be the worst take ive ever heard. they had a fight in ember island. that is NORMAL. they are teenagers. they are not perfect. but underneath all the rough edges and things they need to work out they still care about eachother so freaking much. i genuinelt believe that neither of them would do anything to intentionally hurt the other and i think thats what matters the most. if anything mai is the best girlfriend in the entire world because zuko fucked up like,, quite a few times. he got rlly jealous and dumped her thru a letter and ppl always say that mai was toxic for being mad at him for those two things. umm she had every right to be mad at him for both of those. and while zuko is allowed to feel his emotions and be angry sometimes as well sometimes he needs to think things thru and realize that hey maybe some if this jealousy is unfounded. BUT EVEN THEN. HE RESPECTED HER FEELINGS AND DIDNT TOUCH HER WHEN SHE SAID DONT TOUCH ME. HE RESPECTED HER. so i hate toxic maiko takes because they are literally so wrong in my opinion.

again all of these are just my opinions!! feel free to agree or disagree but please be respectful!! i will respect whatever u think as well because this is all just for fun :)

[just-my-type-x]

Love Again part 1 - Brad Simpson

Sorry for this being sooo long

It’s been a while since i’ve known Brad. We met in high school, i was a sophomore and he was a freshman. I always mocked him for being younger than me, even tho the age gap is just a few months. I think i have  always been in love with Brad. Not neceserily from the moment i met him, but i knew he was going to cause some trouble in my life, since i was already in a relationship for a year at that point and somehow i felt that my relationship would become a target to my own feelings. I didn’t believe myself then that i am faithful enough to go through a friendship with him while having someone already and i was right. Don’t think i cheated on my boyfriend, because phisically, i couldn’t and i wouldn’t. Never. Sometimes, your thoughts are the ones that cheat for you and that should be enough for you to realize it’s not ok to do that to anybody. Of course, before all this, Brad and i were super flirty, we would look at each other across the hallway and try to look uninterested, but we would both find ourselves walking towards one another and we would stop midway to say hello, hug really tightly. Some days he would pass me by and all of a sudden he would kiss my cheek and drag me down the hallway to go outside with him and our friends. Little things like these made my heart go wild for him. I ended up in a place where i didn’t know what i wanted to do with my life.

When i found my courage, i broke up with my boyfriend, but i knew karma had it coming. I was finally ready to tell Brad everything about my feelings, but that’s when i also found out that he got a girlfriend. Little pieces broke from my soul and i told myself that i don’t need him, either as my friend or my boyfriend.

Months passed by and we became really close all of a sudden, and one summer, he just showed up at my doorway, with flowers, confessing how much he cares about me and how much he thought of us getting together. I accepted his request to be his girlfriend, even if i knew how long he will be gone from home, since he already started the band.

2 years went by and things were going really great,until social media helped me figure out my “destiny” with Mr. Simpson. He was photographed with a girl holding hands in a park, then at dinner and then they were spotted kissing in his car. I set those pictures to him and asked him nicely not to talk to me ever again. I was broken. All those memories made with Brad became insignificant and disappeared as i was looking at those photos again and again.

Now, 2 years later, the boys asked me to come on tour with them for a few shows in England, since i started a singing career as well. I stayed friends with them and chatted almost every night. I even started to talk to Brad every once in a while, when i would facetime one of the boys. It didn’t hurt to see him as much as i thought. Maybe i was healed and recovered. 

“Heeeey bestie”, Tristan yelled when i got out of the uber’s car. I ran towards him, leaving my suitcases in the middle of the parking lot,anf i jumped in his arms, him lifting me up and stopping my breathe because of how tight the hug was. I saw then James and Connor and they did the same as Tristan. I told them how much i missed them and that we needed to hang out together a lot more. Brad appeared in the parking lot and my heart sank a little. He looked so good in his shirt and with his glasses on and i remembered how deeply in love i was with this man in front of me. He was walking up to us and i could see the boys tense up and become awkward next to me. I didn’t hesitate and i ran towards Brad and jumped in his arms. He was surprised, but he picked me up and inhaled my scent. I did the same, tears blurring my view, but i sent them away.

“I missed you a lot, asshole”, i told him and i smiled still hugging him. I coulf feel a small smile on his face too. 

“I deserved the nickname. I missed you like crazy and you have no idea how sorry i am”, he broke the hug and i looked at him. He had red eyes and i wondered if he slept at all the night before.

“It’s in the past. I knew we should’ve stayed best friends”, i laughed and my own sentence broke me. The forming tears stung my eyes, but they went away when the guys and Joe joined us.

“It’s good, you’re both alive and you don’t seem angry. I think Connor lost the bet, we’re getting them out alive from the first concert”, Joe laughed and i joined when i saw Connor shake his head and take out of his wallet 100 pounds.

“If that’s on how much money you  bet, you should’ve done it with me. I could make sure i won those 100.”, i said and Brad kicked me in the arm softly, but he let out a giggle.

We went into the venue and saw how amazing the stage was decorated. I could feel goosebumps, thinking about the upcoming show. I went backstage with the boys and ate together, while rehearsing a few songs with the guitars. It felt weird being around the person i loved the most, but i also needed to be around him to realize the world hasn’t ended, that he can still be my friend.

I was now alone in my dressing room, when Joe entered and we smiled at each other. 

“How are you feeling?”, he asked and i sat down next to him on the leather couch.

“Surprisingly good. It didn’t hurt that much, we are ok, i guess things will go great this tour.”, i smiled,but the regret was screaming loudly in my voice. It was noticeable enough for Joe, who looked down to the setlist.

“Would you be confortable singing Would you with them on stage?’‘

With no warning whatsover, Joe asked me and i felt my heart dropto the floor. Would You was the song that reminded me the most about everything that went on after the break up. Fans also had theories that the lyrics were about me, but i never wanted to accept that somebody else thought the same thing as me.

“Brad asked me if you’re willing to do this”, he continued and his voice woke me up from the memory lane.

“Uhm what?”

“He said he wants to make it up to you and since you know the song talks about your relationship.. Maybe it will set things right”

“This song will never set things right for us. I’m not singing something that talks about uncertainity regarding my feelings about him being out of my life, or the wonder regarding the moments i talk about him with family or friends.”, i raised my voice and kept walking around the room. “This song has nothing to do with us or make us great again because even now, i cry when i talk about him. I cry every time i end a facetime call and he comes to the phone for 2 minutes to ask me how i am and all this stupid stuff.”, i start crying and Joe comes to hug me. I embrace him tightly and i see Brad in the doorway, with tears in his eyes and looking down at his fingers when he meets my eyes.

“I’m sorry, it was a mistake”, Brad said and i let Joe go

“Yeah, i know. Was coming on tour with you also your mistake?”

He hesitates and i look disappointed towards Joe. “I’m not here because i sing amazing and i’m in top 10 Billboard top 100, i’m here because Brad is lonely”

I look towards Brad and i see him frown as he's walking up to me. I take a step back when he comes a little too close to me.

“I made a mistake doing that to you but i never got over you. I couldn’t forget you. I swear i never stopped loving you.” Brad was crying and i was too, but i was angry, not sad.

“You never loved me, Bradley. You never..”, my voice cracked and i became feeling really dizzy, so i grabbed my phone and i left the room, walking far away from Brad.

Outside, thousands of girls were waiting to get into the venue. I hid my face so they wouldn’t see me cry and i went to the parking lot where nobody could see me.

“No duet tonight. I’m sorry”, i texted Joe and started balling my eyes out.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault”

Sooo hi, i tried making something. If you want part 2, like this post, because i really wanted to write something. Love you, guys.

[gachawipes133]

Being in a Yandere poly relationships with Chava and Sergio

TW!! THIS SO CRINGE IM SORRY BECAUSE IM NEW TO THESE THINGS😭😭AND BAD AT GRAMMAR IM SO SORRY IM NEW 😭 BUT ILL TRY MAH BEST/ IF U DONT WANT TO SEE CHAVA AND SERGIO AS SAME AGAIN DONT READ THIS PLSS

Toxic relationship,Abuse,?

(You can send request from me on my Request box!!)

• You and Chava were dating a few weeks ago and you started to notice that Chava is acting different than before be become more protective over you and sometimes will never let you go outside and you started to notice that Sergio started flirting with you and teasing you on public or infront of Chava. But even tho that hes doing it infront of Chava he didn't do anything and just let Sergio tease you more.

•Well a few weeks later Chava started to join teasing you with Sergio and u get realy really suspicious so you talk to him at night and ask him whats going on "Chava what wrong with you?" He didn't answer "Have you even notice that Sergio is teasing me? Tell me whats going o-" before you can even continue Sergio comes back at you and covers your mouth with his hanf and pinned you on the wall with a smirk and Chava started to chuckle "Mi vida i actually let Sergio tease u like that because he loves you and I love you too" Sergio chucklef and stops pinning you and removes his hand from your mouth "I-i dont understand" you said. "Well i actuallt decided that let Sergio join in our relationship so that we can protect you and love you" You still dont undertand but u agree to let Sergio join in you two's relationship.

HEADCANONS!!!!

• Just like Chava said the two of them becomes really protective over you and loves you but sometimes their protective our you is doesnt feels right because one time u were hanging out with your Bestfriends and like having fun but when your going to see them on the next day you didn't see them everywhere and so you feel sad and curious but u think to your self 'Maybe they move out anf never tell me' so you didnt try to find them. But u didn't know it was Chava and Sergio murdered them all bc of Jealousy.

• Well when Sergio join your relationship he become abusive sometimes if you did somethings wrong that he didn't like that you hanging out with someone else (Except for Chava) but when his really really mad at you Chava is always here to protect u from him but not always tho if you deserve it

• Unlike Sergio, Chava is more sweet and caring so when Sergio is here to beat you up you just run to Chava because you know that he didn't like to see you in pain bc of the you often give him kisses and hugs. But if Chava is the one whos mad at you no person to run to even Aurora and Lucia cant help you because they're Scared of Chava too even Franny cant help you!.

• The both of them never like things to do by your self and never go everywhere by your self you actually hated it but you have no choice but to let them be.

• Even the police and your imployies are scared of them that they can't help you which is mafe you mad but just didn't do anything which is make you snap at Chava and Sergio

• "ARE YOU BOTH CRAZY?!??! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU TWO??" You said angrly "But mi cariña/cariño this is for you!" Chava said "We want to protect you from danger!!" Sergio said but u cant take it anymore "NO!! I Can protect myself and i can do anything by myself!! I dont need you guys help!!" You yelled at them which is made the both of them angry u turn around and about to walk away but somethings hit you in the head which made your vision go black.

• You wake up at your abuela's room with a bondages on your head and you notice it you remembered it you were arguing with Chava and Sergio and about to walk away but something hit on your head (Bc Chava hit your head with a bath) and you saw Chava and Sergio looking at you with sweet eyes "Are you ok mi vida?" Chava said "We are so sorry for arguing with you last night" Sergio said and you didn't say anything but nod which made them both happy.

YOU CANT ESCAPE FROM THEM FOREVER...

[shirleyoucantbeserious]

Okay so, I was a huge fan of supernatural in the past. I still have a fondness for it and kind of keep an eye on the current news. Tonight is the final episode and for a long time I was excited but now I'm just kind of..... Tense.

For full disclosure, I've never been a fan of destial. I have my reasons but even beyond that, as a queer person the "confession" a couple of episodes ago and all the the hype/worry about if Dean and Cas will be cannon or not is just.... Frustrating. Yes, I have an element of personal bias, but I'm also annoyed on the fact that it's incredibly frustrating. Yes, there were ways to make destial cannon in narratively satisfying ways. Yes, there are some broader thematic ideas the shop can fall into and inforce. The last three episodes of the series is not when you do that.

Despite what a lot of people feel, this relationship has not been properly set up. When there were hints and references it was played as a joke, or as some kind of tounge-in-cheek fan reference. The Supernatural team has always had an open and back and forth relationship with its fans,for better or for worse.

I have issues with Supernatural's writing, yes. I have issues with its story at times. When I stopped following it it was because I was angry at some of these choices. Do I think them making destial cannon will undermine the ideals of the show? No. I think there is a way it could work, even if I personally am not a fan.

What makes me frustrated and angry about what they're doing now, is how disingenuous it feels. It's a view grab. It's not an expression of the characters or a fulfillment of an arc its fanservice in its more pandering form and an attempt to boots rating for its finale.

It's queerbaiting in a new and more insidious form. It's flaunting the Fandom number one ship in an enticing lure in a desperate attempt to be as relevant as they used to me. To regain some of the magic they lost with their earlier choices.

Even despite my feelings towards some of the writers choices, I did always feel like the creators cared about the show. I could feel and love and care that went into it. It might not of been my cup of tea anymore, but I could appreciate the passion that went into it. This choice doesn't carry that passion to me. This doesn't feel like a loving tribute, it feels like a cop out. It feels like a desperate attempt to regain some of the relevance it used to have in into final moments. It feels sad. It feels disappointing.

Even if they did go all the way and make dean/Cas an explicitly romantic endgame couple, it would still be pandering. Representation in its lowest and most mocking way. And if they ignore it for the finale, or pull some "angels doesn't experience live in the same way" kind of no Homo excuse? Even more infuriating.

The fact that so many people are so desperate for this kind of representation and will take and be excited is sad. It's sad that people have to feel this desperate for scraps, and it's sad that that desperation will make nearly anything they do somehow justifiable. It's queerbaiting in its new and most insidious form.

I'm sad and I'm disappointed. A show that I used to love has become like this. A mockery of what make it great and exciting to be a part of in the first place. I'm sorry. I firmly belive supernatural could have had a great anf wonderful and satisfying final season and final episode, but at this point they've already flubed the landing.

[youshouldbemanic]

MANIC TRACK CLAIM

It’s been a week since Manic and I wanted to get this up a few days ago so I’m just going to post the track claims I have received 

Reviews and reactions of Manic ✨

ASHLEY: ok so I really liked ashley especially as an opening track because it deals with a subject that's tricky for both halsey and fans; when fame becomes too tough or if halsey falls out of love with it, what will happen? i really liked the lyrics, especially the line about bursting into flames, because a lot of people can identify with that feeling. I loved the sound of the song, the production was so good!! it's one of my top favs from the album :) - @halseylockscreens

CLEMENTINE: "Clementine" exemplifies so much of what makes Manic interesting - the lyrics are sad and introspective, while the tone is playful and almost whimsical. It's inspires nostalgia and hope all at once. The way Halsey embraces the contradictions in herself - not needing anyone, but also needing everyone - is something that so many people, myself included, can relate to. It's sweet, sharp, and cathartic - especially the final "and then some" she belts in the background. It's in my top five for Manic! - @manic-nightmare

GRAVEYARD: I’ve said it before but Graveyard was the song that I heard and knew that this would be my favorite album. I think the use of guitars in the album is really pretty and really sells that it’s Ashley. Halsey singles are usually fast past and flashy but Graveyard feel so personal. Even the upbeat parts remind me of a heart beat after running for a while and you’re trying to catch your breath. The first time I heard it I thought that it was about G-eazy and abusive relationships but the more I listen to it and the music video makes me think it’s also about her relationship with herself. Ashely and Halsey are two different people Halsey represents all the bad and good of mental illness she’s loud,speaks her mind,gets angry, she feels everything so intensely and Ashley is in the background trying to keep up. The gasp is one of my favorite parts of the whole song, one thing she’s always done and has perfected on this album is whispers/talking in songs that makes it feel like she’s talking to you. I think I love Halsey so much because a lot of her songs feel like a friend telling you all their secrets and thoughts.- @leocaitelin 

YOU SHOULD BE SAD: You Should Be Sad is a very strong fourth track on Manic with a country influence to what is an angry pop song. Lyrically, the song has a nice flow to it that is complimented by the upbeat guitar. As Halsey stated in a tweet this is the “after he cheats” song; as she looks back at her relationship with an ex. Sure, this is not the poppunk song we all expected from the original snippet of the bridge that is “hey hey hey hey” and not “yeah yeah yeah yeah” but the anger soaks through her lyrics and into her words that it coats how you feel. By the end the song becomes sad, almost remorseful and finishes with a soft harmony. All in all, not a bad song.- @hunterthewriterworld

FOREVER...(IS A LONG TIME): Let me tell you right now that even though this isn’t in my top tracks of the album, I was destined to claim it as my track simply because of the rain sounds in the background... rain is my favourite thing and the second I heard it I knew it was a sign. I love how it starts sounding all cute and then at the ‘just right’ part it sounds like doubt is starting to creep into her mind and then the song takes a complete turn. I think Forever... is one of the most interesting songs on the album and I love how it goes into Dominic’s interlude! - @youshouldbemanic 

I HATE EVERYBODY: Alright “I Hate Everybody” is so fucking good musically and lyrically speaking. This one blew our minds because halsey is so fucking honest about how she let someone elses opinion about her have a bigger impact or effect on her than just being enough on her own. She´s so self reflective on her behavior in this song it´s almost as if she´s discussing it to get a clear pattern or picture about it for herself - she´s analyzing her previous behavior to state the point that SHE is important - not anyone else in this context. There seems to be a shift in her self perception. We immediately fell in love with this song because it is so relatable in our opinion. We immediately understood that feeling and could relate to it in some way or another. This song kinda feels like sitting down with halsey to talk about what is going on superficially speaking and then internally speaking because both those aspects often differ a lot from each other (e.g. how your friends, your partner etc. sees you or thinks you´re feeling vs. what is going on inside your head). We also loooove how the music is pretty tender and it seems as if the persona halsey is kind of telling a story very calmly and then when it comes to the chorus it seems as if ashley is coming through - this is when the music and the lyrics become more dynamic in a way. And we don´t know if it´s just our perception but we love how the music is giving the song a kind of sarcastic tone that adds to halsey´s criticism of herself. -@twinzmoon

WITHOUT ME: I've seen a lot of people say that they are tired of this song. That it came out too long ago. That it doesn't belong on Manic, etc. I get it, but I don't agree. I will say that I love the live performances of this song better than the album version. I think more emotion and more pain come out in her vocals when she sings this live. Most of the lyrics are talking about helping and supporting the other person and only a little about the hurt and anger of being betrayed. It's what goes along with that, what goes on in your head after being cheated on that gives this song a place on Manic. Having been cheated on myself in a previous relationship, I feel all of that extra, unstated in the lyrics turmoil everytime I hear this song. The why wasn't I enough? What did I do or not do that they needed someone else? Am I lacking something that they needed? Is it something about the way I look? The way I act? The way I talk? The self doubt, self loathing and distrust when you start a new relationship. I got lucky and I have a wonderful, amazing girlfriend now, but it's taken me a while to be able to trust in this relationship after being cheated on in the previous one. I both love and hate this song. I love it because maybe not in the exact way, but I've had this happen to me. I got through it and I'm in a better place now. I hate it because I feel all of the confusion, anger, doubt and self loathing everytime I hear it. Either way, it's a powerful, emotional song. - @anf-stuff 

KILLING BOYS: I had to listen to this song a few times through before I was truly able to appreciate it, mostly because it wasn't really what I was expecting. With the title "killing boys," and the obvious allusion to the movie Jennifer's Body, I guess I was expecting something angrier, more violent and aggressive, maybe more "Nightmare"-esque. And there's definitely a lot of anger in there, but it's not so loud and hostile and combative; it's all tempered by this kind of reflective, retrospective, "over it" attitude that you see throughout the album. She describes these bitter and vengeful actions like kicking in doors and keying cars and breaking windows in the verses, but they're all followed by a lot of "not anymores" and "never agains" in the chorus. And even the music itself gives the same effect; the whole song has that kickass percussion running under it, but the melodies aren't very harsh, and her voice is soft and almost somber. I love this song because I feel like this is the song on the album that fully embodies, both lyrically and musically, what Ashley said about setting out to write "dark and angry" music and realizing she simply wasn't angry anymore. -@gaygirlslove1d

SUGA’S INTERLUDE: I have to admit that I kinda put this song aside for a little while. I only listened to this song once when it was first released. It was released the same day as Finally // Beautiful Stranger and I was a little obsessed with that song.  Obsessed enough to change the words a little so I could sing it to my girlfriend. But enough about that, on to my review. After listening to Suga's Interlude more, I like the song a lot. It's not one of my top favorites from Manic, but it's really good. Halsey's voice is interesting on her part. Sweet with a hint of sadness. Suga has a very nice flow in this song. I had to look up the English translation for his part. I have seen several interpretations about the meaning of the song, but to me it's finding out that just because you reach your goal or are living out your dream, it doesn't mean it'll bring you happiness. The song fits really well on Manic in my opinion. So maybe not the best song that Manic has to offer, but still a very good song.- @anf-stuff

MORE: This is a deeply personal song. I had mentioned this yesterday, I feel personally attacked for having picked this song. As a mother of two boys, I feel like I can say that. “Wooden floors, little feet.” “Little screen, photograph.” “When you decide it’s your time to arrive, I’ve loved you for all of my life.” It’s a known fact that Ashley has endometriosis. It makes it hard to get pregnant. It’s also been mentioned that she suffered  miscarriages—not only that, she was performing on stage while going through at least one of them. Ashley has always been open about reproductive health and her story with it. It hits hard at special place—whether you want to be a mother or not. The lullaby, like off a mobile over a crib. The end that sounds like a sonogram, before you were to hear a baby’s heartbeat. How the audio is muffled as if you were listening from inside the womb. I was crying by the end of it, let me tell you. It is one of my favorite tracks, by far. The soft ones always are. It is a song of hope and heartache. Anger and longing. It is filled with truth that is Ashley’s, but so many can relate to. - @stopitchris

STILL LEARNING: I loved it, it’s not one of my favourites but it was fun and has a really good message!!!!And it’s also something I’m still working on myself; learning to love myself. It’s a hard journey but its achievable. The beat and lyrics were moving and deep and overall enjoyable!!!! -@pinklemongay

929: First impressions- cool strumming, OH NO HOSPITAL BEEP I AM GONNA CRY, OK GOOD ITS HER TALKING HER KITGLE LAUGH I LOVF JER SO MHCJ FUCKKKK SHES SO CUTE 🥺🥺, can’t remember half the time i’ve been alive, don’t meet ur heroes 🥺, THE FEATURE FUCKING LINE!!!! okgbn!!!!!, I wANT TO THORW UO, I HACE NEVER CRIED HARDER, AHHH, I CANT EVEN PROCESS IT SORRY, no lyrics to say bc i cant breathe properly, I KNOW DONT KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF 🥺🥺🥺🥺, sorry i need to listen to this again, MY MORAL COMPASS IS ON A VACATION, big coming of age movie vibes, this will be my Special Song i can feel it 🥺, i have felt every emotion. -@wreckageofmylife

WIPE YOUR TEARS: Wipe your tears is a very airy song that is almost reminiscent of the room 93 era. It has a twinkly aspect and deals with much darker themes. Yet it is also reminiscent of nightmare in the sense that it sounds more like a poem put to music. This song is also one of what the fans would call a “bi-anthem” as Halsey is talking about a girl which is very nice to hear. Personally I’m glad that this is only a bonus track as it is really short and does not fit the theme of the album. Yet it is still a bop and the better of the two bonus tracks. -@hunterthewriterworld

[lostinathoughtonceagain]

Im not sure where to start although i feel like i alwyas start with that.My mom says i seem to be doing  alot better and inn truth i am. I feel more myself and joyous and mre personality, and than theres still an emptiness that creeps in. The sort of weird shame feeling i used to get in mornings or without a shirt on, i got it today after grabbing clothes from my moms. maybe this is just a personal issue but im trying not to isolate myself in my emotions. TI appreicate and find it hard to understand the idea of common humanity. It is true humans all epereince these emotions and it is only to ones disadvantage when we tell ourselves were the only ones who have ever felt these emotions. In truth we are the only ones who experience things given we all have different perspectives, childhoods, personalities, and biology of our brains.. yet i think that an important to try to find the common humanity. empathy, relating to one another. we are more alike than we are different. YOu know when your on the freeway and you wonder where are all these people going. Myabe some are picking up there kids, going to a booty call, stopping to grab bananas at the store, and we wont ever know, everyone is all doing there own thing, eveyone is jsut driving just going to work doing things and im wo dering if anyone else is freaked out about what is happening. Why the hell are we here?n why iseveryone not freaking out with the little time we have, i want to make the most out of what is happeing i dont want to waste any more time not being  where i want to be, i wanted to be skinny so i can go on with my life. But i geuess thats alos the point of life. ive been so worried about living that i havnt actually been living. Im failing at an attempt to handle my shit. I look back on the past and how come i can only think, mostly think of the bad things. The relationships that i shouldve ended sooner cuz i didnt really lvoe them as i thought love would be. THey were all merely a disspointment. That sounds rude but to put it this way i alwyas thought there was something better for me. MY parents used to say at times “its never enough for you katie” maybe that is true. maybe im never satisidef. Maybe it was because they were tired and had tried there best and i failed because my needs wernt meant. not that they were needs. I think back to guys ive hooked up with and wish i had higher standards. why did i find satisfaction in attention from people that didnt even care about me. WHen guys used me and i was glad to let them. Especailly when i had previous ly had crsushes on them. FUCK BOYS WITH J names. i dont know why im writing as if im writing a story. maybe it makes it easier maybeim trying to articulate my thoughts into something there not. I think about things that have happened and hope i can maybe use them as a testimony maybe ill meet the love of my life adn get to share all these stories... but i dont things play out like that and thats a weird perspective to have on things thsat occur. Like as if im a narrator. I would get so ecited to send cute pictures of myself when i was  baby and show my boyfriends, or share things with them but then i realized something. they dont care, well definlty not like me. That ecitement about it is not the same as the one im epereiecning and when i was sent baby pictures of them, i didnt feel that warmth in my heart. maybe that makes me a bitch or emotionally disconnected. but how do i know if im feelin. what connections have i made. I used to want to be under the influence and gina my therapist said that people go to substances to feel connection. When i was on coke, life was beautiful i could talk to anyoe and everyone adn words flowed so well. In my head, looking back i probably looked like a crack head and thats the reality of it. I can manipulate my reality but to what is its value if its a lie. if no one else feels or sees what im seeing. ona  nother thought  i think we can make up these sotries in our heads that arnt even true. like somone tells us something or we feel a certain way about ourself so and it ends upso our whole olives our affected by this painting in our head only to find out no one sees what were seeing. my dad said that we can change the past, welll we can change our past by changing how we look at it. and i think if we could grasp it it would change our lives. I think that i could look back and not feel that shame, or not feel that embarressment. But am i not a sum of all the words thoughts and actions ive done or had uot o this point? thats depressing, but if it were something i was proud of then yes i would like to be. but the truth is all wehave is the now and you can start now being a totally different person, but you cant run away from all the consequences of the past i guess they jsut dont matter if you decide to change. but then what about bridges burned. i guess my plan b ina  sense is to run away to another country. but then theres legal issues and this whole system and ates and bad guys and tso m8uch to worry about that i dont feela  sense of freedom. my information is online and under a sytem and i undertsadn why i just wish everything could be quiet for sa sec. mayeb i dont want to be aktie stowers anymore. I get jealos of girls born and raised pretyy. all ive done is starved myself in the process of becoming what i want to be but thats not even me. if i have to starve to et there then i feel as though i dont actuallyl deserve to be skinny. and i fee l so vain for obsessing over this fucking thought. iw anted to be skinny this is what ive said from the beginging can someoine please help me do it. the probelm is that im in treatment for anoreica sub purge type and the reality is that i cant lose weight withought going to etreme measures. it became the most important thing in my life and ive been strung up on the same thought since fucking march of 2018. talk about time wasted. although i know thats no way of looking at it. ive learned lessons and have ad so many beautiufl things happpen. I get told very kind things about myself. i wonder if im actually a kind person or i only do things simply to be a kind person. if eel kinda selfish but i guess we all are. i mean think about how amny bad things are happening in this world and children starving and here i am buying things i dont need anf focuing on myself. but im not doing anything about it. i mean i try to tip etra give to homless ifi can i just feel guilt because i could be doing more but ijalso know that im not responsibly to save the world. jsut seems wrong the way things are. thats why i believe everyone goes to heaven. maybe because i cant wrap my head around the possily fact that barrett wouldnt and also becasue the idea of eternal damnation dosnt seem like the character of a god i want to serve. i see so much bullshit in the church and i just dont know . am i jsut angry. I became so jdugemntal of those judging me and thats just as worse but when theres almost a cluba nd you dont fit into there critera it fucking hutts. and that dosnt feel liek jesus i think jesus wouldnt let us be seperated by rleigion or if you drank last weekend. I think we should all unite and love each other and thats what reallly matters. yet here i am obsessed over being skinny. im down to 4 hour as of yesterday and i feel so much better i do. i just wish i could have one long 2 day therapy session whre i fucking figure out all my shit. ive gone to so much therapy and its been etremly helpful i jsut dont wanna waste anymore time with this baggage. I dont wanna go a minute longer when i could giure all this out. i guess what im saying is i want my life tp be an open canvas and not be unravveling and my childhood issues poopping up.. i want to go into the fututre knowing what i know adn epeireicning my life as it plays out. but i am 18 ishouldnt be thinking this much into things huh i should just let it be and lvie my life. i should be doung homework an teting my frienfds or going on a date. but thats not ther eality of things and alos i think ill look abck and things will be different. IOm also int reatment rn so oviously my situation is not exactly normal. i really do love to write i used to always want to be an author. but i dont kno0w anymore. i jsut dont really like how the sytem works i hate how we all have to go to college amd study things i dont give a fuck about and then some struggle at there 9-5 to merely surve eand ig uess i dont like the thoughr of that. and i know were suppsoed to find joys in the little things i think things are jsut freaking me out. iw ant to quit smoking nicatine but everyday i go out and do it. ig uess that meanns i dont really want to stop because if i did i would. i  and then i feel slightly guilty and opackiy because his is the only boduy im given. like does that not freak everyone out. this is the only way we are able to eperience life. think about how quickly it can be ended. i think that is too much pwier overmyself. nmot that im suicidal but i do think i hgave the power to find out super son what is after this life. judgment day, pure nothingness, maybe ill become a=one of the many ants i ahev enjoyed killed as a punsihemtn for msyelf. or hoe[fully and maybe ill entire a heaven with a lovuing god. a state of being with loved ones. I think thats why people like the idea of heavn the idea that you will see people later. but that discount the factof pain. when someones child dies they dont feel any less pain because a verse about being reunited with the,. because the truht im scared to tyee is that theres a possibility heaven isnt rela. and the loved one that is lost will never be in your reaach again.i feel sad for how ome peoples lifeves go. i hope they get a chance in the after life to have what they wanted. but then i think abotu abd guys. i wouldnt want them in my heaven. i guess maybe who we all our at our core is who would be in heaven beyond all the nasty. yet i dont believ flesh is nasty and i dont believ trying my whole life to not be something i was made to be. if my flesh is evil adn mankind is doomed what the fuck is that. i dont think god would set us upnto fail and i believ ehe understands we are human. and gpd is god and god knew everything that was going to happen up to npw. u know whats crazy is that on the time line we are on the edge of what is to come. being aluive rn. and its crazy that i wont be here in 100 years. ill be merely history. but rn we are whats happneing 7:12 november 11th. we are up to datebecause we are merely aliver. unless there is different universes and this is m,erely a simulation. but besides the point. barrett was talking about just how many books songs and information there is. that makes me pancik there is so many people so many things i could learn and musici could listen to that no one can listen to it all. maybe theresa song out there that is my favorite son that ill never get to lsiten to but i gues si jsut have to trust that the universe ligns up as it should and my life will happen as it should. and alll these things are happneing and were floating in the middle of space and yet i feel like people arnt freaking out. like what hthe actual fuck is happneing. and why do iu want to soedn my one life doing shit that dosn matter or something i dont even love. but thats how life works because you have to have moneya nd i do love bying things. and i jsut need to relax. because when people look back on there past they think if i could only tell msyelf its going to be okaya nd to have fun. why cant i do taht i mean i can but tehn these thughts come in. iwant to be skinny i also love food. starving was easy and i like d seeing my bones show,. i wanted people to see me and know i was hurting but people dont wanna be sround sa dpeople i guess i just wanted o be rescued. and at the same time it was nice to focus on the thingsd because even if all went ot hell if i restricted enought hat was okay my eating idsorder would tell me that  everything was going to be okay because i was taking care of the one thing i actaully wanted. writing this makes me sound crazy to msyelf. i have so many things i want to larn and do and so having an eating disorder makes me feel limated. amd truly it does limit me. it dosnt allow me to worry and think about these tihngs. i just really want to be skinnya dn i dont know where this started or why its so impiortant but i just am not a fann of my boyd. and i know tis terirble because im more than m y body and i know i cant stave mtyself and i know that this makes me self cenetred i know that it didnt pkay out as the damsel in distress that i wanted i know wthat i pushed loved ones away and made desisions taht really arnt alligned with my values because truly i didnt care i just wanted to get skinny i know i didnt look healthy bu in my mind that s the best ive eever looked. i know that the husband i meet is going to lvoe me for whats beond my appreance so it dosnt matter and getting atention from others isnt satisying and only leaves me feeling empty i knwo lifes to short to count your calories, to walk around feeling fraila nd loung every seconds. to reach 109 and not see a body close to what was at 116. to talk about numbers because they w]makr improtant parts of my life adn to allso swear that i dont care that much about the numbers. i care about the look. but if what they say is true and i ahve body dismprhia thats impossible. they say the eating idpsrder says itll never be enough. it will nevr be satisiuded. “ its never enough katie” never enough

and so maybe its me maybe im just this warped person. why do memories come back so weird and hwy did i have su h weird thoughts a s f\child. why do i get filled with so much rage. somtiems i think im the most grogeous girl and others i want to killmsyelf because i fel worthless. imm not suicdial but i can remeberthe first time i thought about killing kmyself i was in the abck seat of the car my brothers wre all teasing me about soething but for whatecer reason i was upset by it. i remebr crying and thinking how bad thye would feel if i killed myself. i carried this idealation iwht me later on. gina says i used this as a coping skill.w whenevr someone was mean, didnt say the right thing, didnt invite me, or a aprent said something hurtful. o thouhgt about it as if i were a ghost. watching how sad they were that they had not done better with me. that they said those angry words last to me instead of teeling me uhow much they lvoed me. that when they gossiped ghey felt so bad after because i was dead. i sometimes wish i could watch this unfold. but thats demented and evil. my ghost smiling with satifdaction as she watches loved one who id love and people who were simply lvingnthere life be affected by this. what good would it do to me or them. it would ruin them, does thaa amke mf evil. and then i realzie thats not how death wokrs. ill go to  wahtevr is after this.a dm why would i waste my eistence on a disguestingnromantizsm of revenge.  shpuld move on better msyelf and make connections and share with my lovedones hwen theyve hurt me or that i need more love.  i love treamnt. i love the lif3 im having. besids hating my body i love doing art and larning life skills and if eel like pooeple love me for me there and i can really be myself and support others. but i cant live my life in treatment. i want to relapse theres a few pros to this. one i get skinny againa dn can take pcitures while im skinnya dn try to do it a healthier way. 2 i can jsut go back to treatment and 3 thats a big fuck you to insuracne and theyll realize i coudlve used more help. my ancupucture lady said i need to let people help me adn its tru. i can read boooks hae copnversations go toa therapist but what goofd does it do if its not evn sticking with me. if i dont allow it to change me. im so stuck in that i want to be skinny. but im also tired of haojng my body, the thought about being okay iwht my body is sad to. ill jsut be ugly and not care? amd i wont be ablr to beas beautiful as i want to be. the law of attraction streases me out to because what if everytihng im writing is manif3sting as we speak. hut io cant just iugnore all thse thoughts. its good to journl ane write. i smoked the other night and told susan and brooke but lied to my treatment team. but honestly i was anxious the whole time and outside of playing with myself and dougna  trippy spiritaul mediaiton itwasnt the best time. it ,made me realize i enjoy beig sober bcecause i can do lall the things i want to do and not be stupid and i can be mindful. but then i feel a little desperate at the idea of not having anys ubstances. i sjsut need to create a good ralit y formyself. also i just don tfeel like im the little blon girl in my baby photos like me and her arnt \even the same person but i am i am her in 18 year old form. i jsut dont even know who i am or whats happening. iw ant to chilla dn i need to find balance. maybe this is because my brain has more room oto think about thoings. it kinda hurts me that my mom dsont know that much about eating disorders but yet she says she knows how bad these thionhd can get. likes he can talk so much about me needing help and this and that and yet she hasnt veen taken the tiem to udnerstand what it is im goi g throug. but i shoudlnt epect her to i dont evn knkw what is happneing. cons of relasping is more time wwasting life farther form my hoal. what is my goal all i can think abou t is working on my body bye cercising and eating healthy after treatment. iu dont underdstand why people dopnt think this is a huge thing for me. it makes it so i cant wear what. im so tired of caring. i want to get out of my head. but reality is i am katie and i have to deal wiht whats going on it dosnt do any good whining about it. another con is that my family would be disapinted. im kinda scared i ahev cancer ir im going ot die and jus stop breatinh. its probaly jsut anxiety . nbut i think about the drugs ive done and all that ive smoked and when ive starved and i wonder if im jsut shutting gdown. but i guess were all shutting down. but you cant tell kids these tihngs they dont care and they wouldnt undertsnad. i guess im jsut freaking out at my very eistence. im also very thankful to ebe alive. the fact were all ehsiting rn is crazy i think everything happens for a reason and theres a beautiful lessona nd “work of art called love” desinged by the creator. i ksut dpnt think itds what people think its actaully is. julian is just dsigusing why was i ever ino him. but i cant stop 16 year old me by being into him. but he really wasa dick adn oi dont think hes aw the value in me. my idea of him thinking that was because hesa  lot uglier than me or the line in fredys song where he says “ why would a girl like you fall for a guy like me” and he saud thatr eminded him of us i thought that was so sweet. MO that dosnt mean he values me. why was i so okay with accepting bullshit.a nd nathan. i really liked nathan we were bestfriends. but i got really cazy jealous. i was supposed to eat2 and ahalf hours ago and im not rally hungry. hence my hunger ques are off. i lost 4 lbs over the weekedn and im on weight restoration i was given till friday before i have tonadd even more additions because im not supposed to be lsoing weight. but i dint feel sad baout it. i felt eciteed i guess my bodys ina  place where it can lsoe weight easily. i feel like i should take advantage of it. is this litterally the eating disorder tuyping as we speak am i poseed. it is katie stowers. i guess thats what an eating idorder does. i think i ought to steer clear of caffense and weed. make things a little less harde.r and truly i shuld try to quit nicatine. ots just so nice to do but i think i ought to just not do it. i think idts a porblem because i can already mpciture me going outside after break and smoking. “evntually ill quit shes aid” when i quoted julien baker in her song ahppy to be hee to esther it says “ i miss you the way that i miss nicatine” she waled away after. felt a little judged honeslt and i dont think it was cuz of me but i am better than to smoke nicatine. i think im gonna not do it tomorow. adn if i succeed well see about friday. but it is a hbit i shoudl break. but anyways theres a lot to worry about and be ecited about to and im having a hard time manging it all. and i opuld go on times ten of whats been happneing in my brain ina  therap y session but it dosnt happne.

[imaginationwiiiiiizard]

Big gay and Smol gay answer ask memes.

Crayola Crayon asks

Macaroni and cheese: what makes you think of your childhood?

Big Gay: Legit, carebears also Every snowflakes different by MCR

Smol Gay: Wendy's Frostys, blues clues

Spring Green: how do you relax when stressed?

Big Gay: crying? While watching YouTube? (I don't get to cry)

Smol Gay: I regress. (Oof)

Asperigus: unpopular opinion?

Big: water isn't wet (water is wet)

Smol: billdipbilldipbilldipbilldip. Pines twins are gay.

Bittersweet: has one you love ever hurt you?

Big: every day

Smol: yes. Physically and emotionally.

Eggplant: explain your url and avatar.

Big: yes.just, it explains me. Roman helps me with Dysphoria, and I'm a Thot for prehiatus FOB

Smol: Big gay made mine. I'm a Thot for gravity falls. Also punk! And I love Logan (Logan is daddy)

Outer space: do you ever feel like an outcast?

Big: always.

Smol: all the time

Cotton candy: what is your favorite dessert

Big: deep fried oreos

Smol: I don't know *thinking music* ice cream, I guess...... ITALIAN SHAVED ICE

Frekle: any marks?

Big: I have this thing on my nose that @mrottobotto also has in the same spot (who?) Ummm. I also have a scar on my forehead

Smol: I have a bunch of veins on my armpit/back, it's chill. I have three cigarette burns all on the same arm.

Shocking pink: any traits that aren't expected from you?

Big: you are smol as heck

Smol: yeah, being an age regressor

Robin's egg blue: what animal would you be?

Big: I'd be an owl.

Smol: I'd be a Griffin so I can fly anf be a cat. At the same. Time.

Granny Smith apple: what is something uncommon that you like?

Big: *shrugs*

Smol: I don't know

Dandelion: what's a pet peeve of yours?

Big: when people complain about every little thing

Smol: not turning the lights off when you leave the room *very angry rant*

Atomic tangerine: what gets you motivated to do a difficult task?

Big: competition. Trying to do it better than everyone.

Smol: my mom might kick me out

Whisteria: what's your favorite thing about yourself?

Big: Imma thicc boi

Smol: I am the smol gay!!

Candy apple: how do you think others view you?

Big: this boi??? What?

Smol: dense prolly, or a dicc

Plum: are you insecure about anything?

Big: is that a question?

Smol: yes.

Sky blue: where do you feel most at home?

Big: the church I stayed at for a week at the beginning of summer. In another state.

Smol: at my grandma's

*blep fight intermission*

Tickle me pink? How do you try to cheer others up when they're sad?

Big: *thinks of blep fight* Memes

Smol: I try, if I fail, then go fuck yourself, idk.

Wild strawberry: do you care about how others see you?

Big: nope.

Smol: yes and no.

Glossy grape: recommend something.

Big: Ricky Montgomery. Might be gay, only has one album. It's a bop. It needs more love

Smol: macdoesit, You. *thinks* blue's clues maybe. Gravity falls, Steven Universe. And OOSWALD THE OCTOPUS

World wide web yellow: what was the last thing you looked up?

Big: I'm not sharing that. I'm not legally obligated, there are children here.

Smol: what's demiflux?

Shadow blue: do you have a darker side.

Big: yeah, but I'm too nice to let it out

Smol: yes. You remember that time I showed my mom bdsm? She got educated on that day.

Electric Lime: what genre of music do you listen to?

Big: musicals, that gay shit. Y'know the usual

Smol: alternative, punk, pop punk.

Night owl: describe an interesting dream, you had

Big: sex class. Oral exam. I don't want to talk about it.

Smol: I had a wedding and the m&m guys are there

Corn flower: what do you think about the most?

Big: I imagine my life when I'm graduated and jobbed up. Me and my 3 S/Os in our live.

Smol: death, my friends and the big gay. Also what I'm gonna do when I move out.

We are cutting this short 3 more

Periwinkle: what's something ordinary that has meaning?

Big: have you seen my pride blanket? It's a nice, it's a fluffy

Smol: my teddy

Fuzzy duckling yellow: is there something from your childhood you haven't outgrown?

Big: dress up games

Smol: teddy

Mystic maroon: what confuses you and why?

Smol: life 'nuff said

Thank to smol gay @cjcipher666 @smolbeanjack23 (same person)

[g-on-ef]

@gaaragirl22 asked: Gil and Harry want to surprise Uma but she comes back early

{Hope you like it ^^ send me a prompt of Gil x Uma x Harry or Uma x Harry}

Harry and Gil love Uma, that was no secret and they worship the ground she walked, it has always been like that ever since they were kids. They always tried to find ways to make her happy and make her shine like the star that she was.

However, if there was one thing they hated was seeing Uma upset. Harry would kill anyone who made his Sea Goddess shed a single tear and Gil-despite being a sweet little angel will tear anyone apart who made his Shrimpy upset.

They didn’t like seeing Uma upset especially if her sadness was caused by Mal. Mal has always been a bully to Uma, pushing her to the ground and dumping shrimp on her and calling her Shrimpy, tearing her self esteem down and worst of all having parties when it was Uma’s birthday.

It seems despite them being in Auradon Mal still hasn’t change. She was still finding ways to ruin Uma’s life and making sure their Sea Star didn’t have an an ounce of happiness.

Dizzy said it best,

“You can take the girl out of the Isle but you can’t take the Isle out of the girl,”

So it shouldn’t surprise them that Mal pulled this stunt it shouldn’t and yet it still manage to catch them off guard.

Uma just shrugged it off and act like it didn’t bothered her but Gil and Harry could see the sadness in their Captain’s eyes as she tried to remain strong.

Audrey who surprisingly became a good friend to Uma as well as one of the few people to understand her relationship with Gil and Harry was mad when she heard what Mal did.

Than again should she be surprise? This was the same girl who stole her boyfriend and then got mad when another girl decided to do the same thing she did.

“That little witch! Can’t she let Uma for once celebrate her birthday in peace!” Harry growled as he slammed his hands on the table he, Audrey, Gil, and the rest of their crew were sitting on.

“She always does this Harry, always planing parties so that Uma can never have hers, hell I wouldn’t be surprise if she already has parties for the next few weeks,” Gil said angrily.

Even when he was mad he still said things at the wrong time, unfortunately no one could disagree with him but that didn’t mean they couldn’t tell him to shut up,

“I know that Gil but I would like not to be reminded of that,”

Gil took a deep breath and nodded his head, not really having the energy to argue with his boyfriend.

Everyone stayed quiet unable to say anything at the moment, it upset them that once again their Captain was second best to a puny fairy when she deserved the best.

Still it hurt them that they couldn’t put a smile on her beautiful face.

“I just wish we could do something,” one of their crew members said voicing everyone’s thoughts.

“We all do,” Gil said voice fill with dread, a tone that did not sound right coming from the cheery sunshine boy.

“Maybe there is something we can do,” Harry said an idea starting to form.

“And what’s that?” Audrey asked looking at the son of Hook.

“Maybe there is something we can do for Uma and her birthday,” his once sad eyes were now filled with joy and excitement.

Gil looked at his boyfriend who gave him a knowing look. It was then it hit Him exactly what the first mate was planning.

“We can do something about it,” Gil said his frown slowly turning into a smile.

The two looked at each other lost in their own world plotting ahead for what they were gonna do.

“Thing one and two you wanna clue us in?” Audrey asked, interrupting whatever mental discussion they were having.

The two looked away from each other before turning their focus back to the crew and the princess.

“We throw Uma a surprise party!” They answered simultaneously.

Their friends looked at them weirdly waiting for them to explain.

“We throw Uma a surprise party,” Harry said,

“But it’ll only be us and no one else,” Gil continued.

“That way Uma gets to celebrate her birthday on its actual date,”

“And it won’t be ruined by Mal and her friends,” the first and second mate said finishing each other’s sentences.

The crew look at them before looking at each other then back at their first and second mate as their frowns slowly began to turn into smiles ideas on how to make sure their Captain had the best birthday began to form and Audrey began to write down every idea she along and everyone else came up with.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

Uma was walking to her room with her two boyfriends. She was in the middle while Harry and Gil stood on either side of her, each holding one of her hands.

She tried to drown out the sounds of Mal’s party and how everyone was excited for it.

It annoyed her that despite being off the Isle the fairy was still playing the same old tricks. Despite it annoying her she decided not to let her bother her, she had her boyfriends with her, her crew and everyone was off that awful island so all in all it was a great year that Uma didn’t see the need to celebrate her birthday.

Gil and Harry squeezed Uma’s hands in some way to comfort her. They wanted to reassure her that it’ll be alright but they knew if they said anything Gil might spill the secret party and that’s something they did not want to do.

“You guys want to stop my room and watch movies?” Uma asked them.

Gil and Harry shared a look before they looked at Uma.

“Sorry Captian but I got to practice for swords and shield,” Harry said.

“And I got to study for my test,”

Uma looked them, despite them trying to tell her they had plans she knew they were lying. All those years on the Isle and Uma was able to detect when someone was lying to them and her boyfriends were lying to her.

Instead of calling them out on it she decided to play along with it, for now.

“Okay, some other time?”

Both her boys nodded their heads before they left Uma not giving her a chance to say or do anything.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

Umahas been worried about her boys. The past week they have been ignoring her as well as avoiding her.

It was beginning to unnerved her and admittly worry her.

She tried to spend some time with them but they always gaveher excuses why she couldn’t.

“We just want some guy time love,”

Or,

“We are just doing something new but don’t worry it’s nothing bad,”

Things like that that were beginning to get on Uma’s nerve. It also didn’t help that Gil and Harry were nowhere to be found at least until Dizzy told her she saw them at the garden with party decorations.

It wasn’t until it finally hit her.

Gil and Harry were going to Mal’s party and were leaving her alone, on her birthday!

Instead of being upset {she’ll worry about that later,} Uma was mad. Her boys didn’t have the balls to tell her they were going to that party and instead they avoided her. Oh they were gonna get it.

Storming out of her room Uma headed to the garden where she saw her crew heading not to long ago.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

Gil and Harry stared at the garden that has been turned into an underwater world for their Sea Goddess. It was perfect. Now all they had to do was add some last minute touches and they can bring Uma here and surprise her.

“Alright guys all we need to do is set the banner, the table, and we will be done,” Audrey said with a huge smile on her face.

“Excellent, you guys finish here and-”

“HARRY! GIL!”

Everyone stopped whatever they were doing as they heard the familiar angry tone of their Captain coming closer.

“Where the hell are you two?”

“Oh shit,” both Harry and Gil said.

The two were about to run towards Uma hoping to stop her from coming any closer.

Unfortunately they were to slow as Uma reached her destination in record time.

The two stopped in their tracks as they saw Uma turn the corner her face fill with anger.

“When I get my hands on you two I’m gonna-” she stopped ranting as she took a good look at her surroundings and saw that Gil and Harry were at a party but this party was…for her.

“Surprise,” both Harry and Gil said weakly.

Uma stared in shock at her crew, boys, and best friend.

“Wh-what?” She asked finally finding her voice.

“Its your birthday.” Gil said.

“And we wanted to surprise you,” Harry said. She looked at them as tears began to form. She felt so foolish for doubting her boys, she felt joy that her boys, crew, and Family decided to celebrate her birthday instead. She couldn’t help but smile before she hugged her boys.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she pulled back and kissed their cheeks.

Gil and Harry smiled as they kissed her cheeks.

“Anything for you captain, you know Gil and I will do anything to make you happy,”

“Yeah shrimpy anything to see you smile,”

Uma laughed and decided not to correct Gil about the shrimpy thing instead she pulled back and looked at them.

“I love you both,”

Harry and Gil smile at her as they both said,

“We love you as well,”

The three turned to look at everyone else.

“Well what are we waiting for let’s celebrate my birthday!”

Everyone cheered as they played music began yo dance and have fun.

Uma was having an amazing time with her boys and crew as they all dance laugh, anf ate with smiles on their faces.

That Night Uma laid on her bed with her head resting on Harry’s chest and her hand holding Gil’s hand as he rest on the other side of Harry, Harry’s arms wrapped around them.

She stared out her window as the stars began to shine brightly she couldn’t help but close her eyes and silently wish that her and her boys were never separated. As she felt Gil’s hands tighten its hold on her and Harry pulling her closer she knew someone out there was listening and that her wish was granted.

“Best birthday ever,” she then got up and kissed both Harry and Gil on their foreheads.

“Best boyfriends ever as well,” Uma laid her head down and joined her boys in dream land knowing everything will be fine in the end.