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therunawaykind · 2 years

Text

Green Eyes - Part IV

Pairing: Leigh Shaw x Reader

Word Count: 14.1k

Warnings: Curses, Drug usage, Sorry For Your Loss spoilers I guess?

A/N: So here it is, we've finally gotten to the last part of Green Eyes, I decided to post this today as a little celebration of me posting my first story on this date a year ago. So what better way to celebrate it and reminisce than by finishing one of my most beloved stories. I am sorry for taking so long on getting this final part out...in all seriousness, I really just did not want this series to end. I just adore Leigh Shaw so much. I already know I'm gonna be trying to come up with some sort of series for her again next. But as an apology for taking this long getting this out for you all. You all are getting a 14k part. I just want to give a special little shoutout to @when-wolves-howl and her work/notes on this series as well. This series honestly wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you. I hope you all have enjoyed this series as much as I have enjoyed writing it. So go forth and get your dose of the beloved and adored Leigh Shaw. The love of my life (sorry 8bit) if y'all see me write and post one or two drabbles for this story after I said this was the finale....you see nothing

*please do not repost or translate my material or claim as yours. reblogs, comments and likes are always appreciated!*

It's been nearly a year since that whole predicament between you, Leigh and Danny. You were happy to say after that whole situation with Danny appearing at your house which led to the most significant disagreement you and Leigh had about your entire relationship, but you were glad to say things had started to run smoothly for the both of you. Due to the small scare, Danny gave you by appearing at your house, out of the blue you decided to move house purely out of safety and if in one of his bouts of anger he decided to leak your address. Considering you were moving house, you ran the thought by Leigh of her moving in with you albeit you both knew it was far too soon in the relationship for such a thing to happen. So, you both compromised in a sense, Leigh would come and stay with you for three days in the week and spend the rest of the time in her apartment since Amy her mother decided to sell their family house due to her going back to Alaska.

Even though none of you voiced how sad you felt about not living together permanently it was an unspoken agreement between the two of you that it was a bit too soon in the relationship to take this big of a step forward. As well as that Leigh still wasn’t completely certain about moving on with someone completely even if it was with you, so she was taking things slowly and at her own pace that she was comfortable with and she was happy to know you were completely understanding of that as you agreed upon back in Vietnam. Although she couldn’t help but feel bad about it since she felt like she was holding you back, but you reassured her that everything was okay.

Whilst you were back in music and writing mode fully. Leigh was still working with Drew on her essays about her grief and how she is coping and not making the mistake she did before, by leaving you the person that was helping her, and she was doing everything with whilst also working on the advice column as well. However, a thought crossed Leigh’s mind recently and she didn’t know who to bring it up to or even how to bring it up with the possibility of people doubting her. Sure, she is a writer and has been writing things continuously for years, but it was never anything of this size. Leigh wanted to become an author….an actual author. She had a lightbulb moment as she was writing one of her essays where she thought why doesn’t she just put all of her thoughts, experiences and journey through grief and being a widow into one book.

She knew she could just collect all of her essays and throw them into a book but that didn’t please her and didn’t seem authentic enough for her. She just felt and knew some good could come from this if she just figured out how to work this out and who to tell to help her in this venture. Of course, she could tell you, you were her partner she knew you’d support her in any endeavour she wanted, it would also help considering you write for a living as well albeit in a slightly different manner, but then she had Drew who may be suited better for something of this calibre, but Drew may also be too harsh. This was the loop she was stuck in that she couldn’t get out of.

Here she was in your house waiting for you to get home sitting at your table, elbows perched on top of the table whilst her hands are placed on her temples. Staring at a rather unplanned word document for this book, thinking of how to talk to you about this. Just as those thoughts crossed her mind, she heard the jingle of your keys unlocking the door. “Leigh honey, I’m assuming it’s you in here with all the lights on and not some sort of robber or crazy fan.” Leigh chuckled softly as she got up from the chair to approach you “I can assure you that it’s only me Y/N/N.” As you kick the door shut you can’t help but grin as you stare at Leigh “And boy am I so glad to see you.”

“How come, rough day at work?”

You can’t help but let out a groan as you fall back onto the sofa “yeah I guess you could say that, it was just us doing a bunch of tedious stuff-” You notice Leigh arch her eyebrow for you to tell her what exactly you were doing “I was getting to it Leigh, we were just rearranging and changing the littlest of things whether it was with my vocals or the instruments. Nothing writing-wise don’t worry all the lyrics are exactly the same as when you last heard them.” You couldn’t see it, but Leigh was grinning to herself before she spun around and placed a quick kiss on your forehead as she approached her laptop again. As you were staring at Leigh, you squinted your eyes and pursed your lips “what are you doing over there Hun?” You heard the immediate inhale come from her and her hands froze over her keyboard. You couldn’t lie, that reaction did make you quite nervous, but you trusted Leigh.

Very quickly Leigh got her thoughts under control, she cleared her throat and turned towards you slightly “Right I’m going to tell you, but you got to promise me you won’t judge me or anything.” You can’t help but laugh lightly at the statement, but you clear your throat to get serious as you see Leigh look pleadingly at you “I promise you Leigh Shaw I will not be judgy purely because I was the college student who had the wildest dream of becoming a musician…. now here I am doing that honestly quite weird career.” Leigh couldn’t help but laugh at your ramble, she glanced back at the screen again and took a deep breath. “Iwannabecomeanauthorandwriteabook.” You honestly had no other reaction but to stare at Leigh in complete and utter confusion as your mouth opened and closed as if you were a fish out of water.

As much as you tried not to you chuckled slightly but covered it up with a cough “Leigh, honey, sweetie I did not understand a word that came out of your mouth because you talked so fast.” Leigh threw her head back as she sighed “I said that I wanna become an author and write a book.” Leigh watched you expectedly waiting to gauge your reaction; she couldn’t help but smirk slightly as she saw a grin spread across your face. You dashed off of the sofa and pulled her up into a tight hug. “Leigh I am so proud of you, this is such a big deal and I believe in you one hundred percent, I really do hope you know that.” Leigh nodded quickly in response as her arms went around your neck, you gazed at her in pure adoration as you started to speak in a sing-songy voice “soooo what’s it going to be about?” Leigh took another deep breath in as she glanced back down at her laptop screen. “I think It’s going to be about how everyone deals with grief in different ways, specifically focusing on my journey and process through dealing with grief and becoming a widow and how I got to where I am today.”

As you were gazing at Leigh listening to her tangent of what her plan was for this book the soft grin that spread across your face couldn’t be stopped. You always got like this as she rambled about something she adored, whether it be some article she was writing or advice she was giving someone for her advice column. But whatever it was about the discussion of this book this was a far more passionate a side to Leigh you have never seen before with all your years of knowing her. You assumed it is due to the topic of conversation and what she will be discussing in the book, it left you with an immense feeling of pride for your partner.

Maybe you were in a daze for a lot longer than you were anticipating considering the next thing you felt was Leigh’s hands cupping your cheeks “Y/N/N, Babe you good?” You nodded instantly “I’ve never been better.” As your eyes ran over Leigh’s face, she let out a little giggle as she placed a quick peck on your cheek and ran her thumbs over your cheekbones. “Good I’m glad.” You gave one last squeeze to her hips as you loosened your grip around her hips and placed another kiss on her lips. You slowly started walking backwards still keeping your eyes on her “Alright I’m just going to run back upstairs with this bag with my laptop, all my music things and stuff in it and I’ll be right back down, and we can relax for the rest of the night watching movies, that sound good?”

Of course, to be annoying Leigh started groaning “ugh Come on if it’s just your laptop and stuff leave it here bring it up when we go to bed. I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages.” You grinned as you played with the strap of your bag as you walked up the stairs “I’ll be super quick, you won’t even know I’ll be gone. Your treat, you can pick what movies we watch, what snacks we eat and what drinks…. If it’s alcohol or not you get the idea.” Leigh slowly approached the sofa as she was staring back at you trying to suppress a laugh with her eyes narrowed at you “fine, that’s a good deal. No, go hurry up.” The second those words left her mouth you raced up the stairs to do what you had to do.

That night, as you both were lying in your bed asleep something, happened to Leigh that hadn’t happened to her since her and Danny were at the resort. She actually dreamt of Matt again. Though for some reason this time around she did not want to be dreaming of him, as much as she tried to wake herself up nothing was letting her. So, in her dreamlike state, she decided, albeit reluctantly she let her body relax. And the second she decided to settle she could hear Matt’s voice…faintly but she could hear it.

“Leigh, I’m here. Leigh, stop. Leigh, listen to me.” It was when she finally calmed did it hit her why she couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore, well for one reason she had you and she couldn’t lie she has never felt happier than when she is around you. However, on the other hand, she literally cannot stomach the sight of Matt since Danny decided to blurt out the fact about what could have happened…...may have happened…. or possibly did happen between Matt and Nina and it made her sick to her stomach. Although she literally could not complain it could be said it was the exact same thing with you and her. God her and Matt together were really…. something when you sit and think about it. So unwillingly Leigh raises her eyes to look at Matt. She swallowed dryly as she spoke “Matt.”

Matt smirked lightly at the sound of his name leaving her mouth “Leigh. I know I can tell you really don’t wanna be here right now. But trust me when I say I will not keep you here for long. I just want to tell you and let you know it is okay to move on and live your life with Y/N. Don’t hold yourself back any longer from letting yourself fall fully for them. It’s been long enough Leigh of you holding yourself back from being in relationships with people. Even holding family members at arm's length. Dive in fully Leigh.” Leigh didn’t notice the tears building up in her eyes until she felt them roll down her cheeks as she nodded subtly and whispered “Thank you, Matt, this was something I needed to hear, and I didn’t even know it. But I want my last thing for you to hear is…I did really love you, I loved you a lot, Matt.” Matt smiled…a truthfully happy smile, one that Leigh hadn’t seen for a long time since Matt’s depression got worse. “I know you did Leigh, and I hope you know I did really love you too.” Leigh stared at Matt as she accepted everything that just happened, the acceptance of everything but before she could say anything else the scene around her slowly started to fade out.

As Leigh woke and came to her senses as her eyes opened in the middle of the night. Her eyes scanned around the room she was currently lying in as she got her bearings again. She realizes she’s in your room, she can hear the soft inhale and exhale of your breathing as you continue to sleep. She turns over to face your back, as much as you two slept together in the same bed you both kept to yourselves and your sides of the bed as you slept. Both not being fully over the guilt and accepting you both can move on now. But as Leigh layed there coming to terms with the dream she just had, as she watched your shoulders rise and fall with each breath you were taking a small smile escaped across her face as what she imagined to be acceptance, finally allowing herself to fall and enjoy this relationship fully. Leigh slowly and very hesitantly propped herself on her elbow as she inched over closer to you making sure to not wake you in the process.

She draped her arm across your stomach and grabbed onto some of your shirt to make sure she was as close as she could be to you. Leigh breathed out a sigh of relief as she laid her head on the pillow beside you and took in your scent. Being able to relax fully for once…in a really… really long time. Leigh knew at that moment that would have to be another topic she would have to discuss in her book…. How it may have taken a while to accept and realize that it is okay to move on and find love again but that it is totally okay and proper. Needless to say, when you woke up the next morning you were surprised to see an arm draped over your stomach and the feeling of Leigh’s breathing hitting the back of your neck. Whilst it made you smile slightly you couldn’t help but feel the annoying gnawing feeling in the back of your mind and stomach. That guilt you still haven’t been able to come to terms with. You knew you’d have to deal with it and face it head-on sooner or later. But for now, you take a deep breath, place your hand on top of Leigh’s and close your eyes with the plan of going back to sleep.

Needless to say, the next few weeks were busy for Leigh, as well as working her normal daily jobs the second she was finished she would either end up in her apartment or yours working on her book. You both were currently sitting in your office Leigh working on her book and you doing what seemed like a hundred and one things. From going between doing work on your laptop, writing things down in your notebook and going from instrument to instrument figuring things out, Leigh honestly couldn’t figure out how you dealt and kept up with it all. You couldn’t lie ever since that morning you woke up with Leigh cuddling you, she had become a lot more affectionate than she already was and was spending a lot more time with you and around you…again not like you were complaining. You had no idea what changed with her, you adored it, but you couldn’t help but feel even more guilty about not giving her the same in return. “Hey Y/N/N?”

You spin in your chair to face Leigh as you hum “mhmm what’s up Leigh?”

“Do you mind if I make you my soundboard for a sec, just to see if what I have written makes sense and well…make sure it sounds good?”

“Yeah sure of course, I mean…you listen to my ramblings far too much it’s the least I could do for you Hun.”

“Okay so uhhh, here is what I have.” Leigh pauses ever so slightly and clears her throat “My analogy has always been, we all have this backpack that we wear that is full of trauma and pain and loss. And we walk through life with this weight on us. When you lose someone, the backpack doesn’t change the person doesn’t become forgotten, you just have to adjust how you get through life with that adjustment and that new weight.” You hear Leigh take a deep breath and her eyes stay stuck on her laptop screen “So um…. yeah, that’s what I have at the moment…. uh how does it sound?” you stare at her mouth agape, you close your eyes and blink rapidly to and get rid of the tears. You clear your throat and shake your head “Leigh that…that is amazing. Perfect even. It… it explains everything so well and in a way that is so easy to understand.” As you gazed at Leigh as she started doing a little happy dance in her seat as she concentrated back on her work, it was in that moment you realized you were going to have to face your issues head-on with this guilt of Matt dying and dating Leigh. It was time to come to terms with it.

As you glanced at the time you realized just how long the both of you had been cooped up in this room, “hey Leigh d’you want me to go downstairs and make some stuff for lunch? Or do you just want me to do like…an early dinner?” You smirked as you saw Leigh’s hands pause over her keyboard as she thought about it “uhhh just make some lunch and we can do something for dinner later.” You push yourself off of your office chair and stride over to her and kiss the top of her head “I’ll try to get it done asap for you miss Shaw.” Leigh grinned up at you as you kissed her head relishing in the contact with you. Leigh watched you as you exited the room and heard the padding of your feet as you went downstairs.

She spun around and looked at your desk, as her eyes were darting across the table, she saw a huge folder with big LS initials on it and in tiny writing were the words, Leigh Shaw. The smile that spread across her face couldn’t be taken off her face as she approached your desk. As she flicked open the folder, she saw a bunch of music sheets with melodies written on them and some with just lyrics. Leigh didn’t realize how much time had passed as she was looking through all these songs that somehow relate to her or are just about her, some unreleased, some for your upcoming album and some she’s never ever seen or heard of. She was in awe right now seeing this collection of work that was all dedicated to her. Leigh was so enamoured she didn’t even hear you come up the stairs and into the room and jumped slightly when she heard the plates and mugs being placed on the desk. She laughed sheepishly as she looked up at you “heh….hi.”

You bit your lip slightly to stop a laugh from escaping as you raised your eyebrows slightly “Hi Hun… so what you got there?”

Leigh started moving her hands in the hair “psshh…it’s nothing…. well, no it is something and I’m sorry for snooping in your things I- I just saw my initials then my name and curiosity got the better of me Y/N I am so sorry.”

You couldn’t stop the laugh that left your mouth “Leigh, Hun it’s fine, you’re fine, you’re okay. It's not like I was exactly hiding that huge folder it was out in the open for literally anyone to see and read. I was just wondering how long it would take you to find it or at least notice it.”

Leigh grinned to herself as she ran her fingers on the page that was opened. “But, wait hold on Y/N there are so many songs here that you have written here that in some shape or form relate to me? I thought the only song you wrote about me before was Green Eyes? Where did all these come from?”

You sighed as you sat down on your chair as you wrapped your arms around her waist and dragged her down with you to sit on your lap. “I always had a bunch of songs written about you Leigh, you…you were my muse….my inspiration. Green Eyes just happened to be the song I finished the quickest and also happened to be the song I was the proudest of but I- of course for obvious reasons didn’t want it to be released. The others just took so long to write but they did end up getting finished. A lot of them were during our college years…but as you now know a lot of them are either getting put on this album or the next or the next or the one after that.” Leigh couldn’t help but laugh at you droning on about the possibilities of what songs could be on what albums, so she did one of the few things she knew would shut you up.

Leigh rolled her eyes and placed her hand over your mouth to quieten you down. “Okay Y/N sweetie, I get it now.” You stared up at her with soft eyes and you made sure when she least expected it, you decided to lick the palm of her hand. With the look of disgust that crossed Leigh’s face, you couldn’t help but laugh as she wiped her hand against your shirt as Leigh whined “ugh Y/N you’re so gross, why’d you have to ruin the moment.”

As your laughter died down you stared at her “I’m very sorry, how inappropriate and very gross of me to do such a thing. But you can’t deny that you don’t love me, you love me very much.”

Leigh sat against you with her head on your shoulder by your neck as she grabbed her food to start eating it. “You are very right, I do love you, I love you a whole lot.” You both smiled happily as you reached over for your food and started eating together.

A few days after that incident, the piece that Leigh wrote would not leave your head, which of course ended up in you basically thinking about Matt constantly and you trying to move towards this acceptance and get on with your life and relationship. So, you tried to move towards that acceptance the only way you knew how…albeit you felt slightly weird about it. You started writing a song about Matt…. a song for Matt? Either way, it was a song aimed at Matt. which eased your guilt ever so slightly. Leigh told you she’d be gone for a while since she was meeting up with Drew about her advice column and to discuss her book with him as Leigh said “he seems like he’d know how to help me with well….this book stuff.”

So here you were now walking in the graveyard looking for Matt’s gravestone to…. talk to him or maybe more so talk at him. As you were navigating around the graveyard you started clicking your tongue as you muttered to yourself “alright Matt where the heck are ya. I’ve been wandering around this graveyard for quite some time now.” As you continue to aimlessly walk through searching for his gravestone, eyes scanning every inch of the graveyard. If you weren’t so apprehensive about doing this you would’ve found the next thing to happen quite cute, although it was probably coincidental. Your eyes had just gotten a glimpse of the name Matthew James Greer on a headstone just as a butterfly landed on it. As you approached his grave a million and one thoughts crossed your mind. Honestly, you didn’t really know why you came here, you met him once as a favor to perform at his wedding for his bride…his wife… who was your best friend in college…. who you are now dating. Maybe you should have made more of an effort in college to get to know him better, for all of your sakes.

You clear your throat “Uh Hi Matt, this is kind of odd…. mostly because I know you can’t respond to me but also because you probably only know me as the person that performed on your wedding day for your wife Leigh. I don’t know how much you actually heard about me from Leigh after that performance or even before when you both started dating during college because-” you can’t help but shake your head and laugh slightly

“if Leigh ever did mention it to you before something about a best friend, she had during college that was always stubborn and too busy to meet you because of their music. That was me, I was that best friend. Thinking back now I obviously wasn’t the best because I should’ve tried to get to know my best friend's boyfriend regardless of anything else that was going on or being felt. I guess I just want to actually introduce myself to you as Leigh’s best friend…even though I know it is a very odd and weird situation. But nevertheless, Hi Matt, nice to meet you I’m Y/N Y/L/N Leigh’s best friend. We can ignore the music career for a moment. I just want to tell you…. if you’re hearing me somehow. That I kept my distance from you and Leigh because I had feelings for her for years all the time back in college and I didn’t know how to cope with that and thought I didn’t have a chance with her. So, I saw she was happy with you, and I let her be at her happiest with you. Those few hours I saw the two of you interacting on your wedding day, I knew you were good together and looked out for each other…now I of course don’t know the whole ins and outs of your relationship, but I know you cared for her and did your best and you truly loved her. And I know it’s probably weird now your wife’s new partner coming to talk to you about all of this…. but I just want you to know I will protect her with everything I have, and I will shower her with all of the love physically possible. I….I guess I just want you to know that she’ll be safe with me…or well to the best of my abilities.” you paused slightly to wet your lips after talking so long.

“Although about my music career, a few days ago Leigh read me an excerpt from a piece she had written for a book she’s writing about her journey with grief, acceptance and moving on. There was just something about it that hit me very hard, which resulted in me very quickly writing a song about, you, Leigh and I guess me kind of? And this weird situation. Considering I don’t know you well or at all. But it was therapeutic for me…. hugely. I never reference any of us by name and I’ve ever so slightly changed what actually happened, but it just sums up how I feel or well maybe felt about this whole situation it's called The Good Side. And I imagine it all probably could’ve been handled and dealt with better. But I-uh I just wanted to let you know first before anyone…not even Leigh knows. I’m not 100% sure if it’ll actually end up on any album of mine…but maybe it will if I get the courage to share it with people. But…...yeah thank you, Matt.”

You take a deep breath after that speech and place your hand on top of his headstone as you tap it slightly as you walk backwards staring at his name. Before you finally turn around and walk away with home in mind.

What you didn’t know earlier that day before Leigh went to meet with Drew again for her book and advice column. She went to the graveyard to visit Matt and talk to him, she couldn’t lie, she was ashamed she wasn’t going as much as she should have. Leigh stared at his name as she fumbled with a ring she was holding in her hands.

“This is going to sound terrible when I say it out loud first. I’m not staying here long to talk because well I have to meet with Drew to discuss work and my book…I’m writing a book about my grief and my journey with it…. It’s called Sorry for Your Loss. But the reason I’m not staying here long is that I have another way I actually want to do this…to speak to you. Remember that time when my mother got in contact with a friend, and I took drugs to meet you on your plane instead of mine. Well, I’m going to try to do that again so we can have an actual conversation and I know you’ll be hearing what I say, and you can respond accordingly. But anyways why I’m actually right now to bury this little ring I bought for it to be with you…and for you to have a piece of me at all times with you. Because you weren’t getting my actual wedding ring, whilst I may not wear it as much now, I still want it, to hold and to keep, to remind me of what I had once and what was good to me and for me once. That it wasn’t all just made up and a lie that my brain made up. Maybe at some stage, I’ll end up wearing my engagement and wedding ring on a necklace or something…. maybe…but there is a possibility it might get lost….and you know how I feel about losing things…especially things that are precious to me. But now I’m rambling and not doing what I’m here to do.”

Leigh kneels down into the grass as she starts digging a hole for the ring she bought, making sure it was deep enough that nothing would happen to it. Leigh sits back onto her legs as she stares at Matt’s name engraved into the stone and the now covered hole that’s protecting the ring. Leigh sighs as she stands up dusting off her pants and hands. She smiles sadly down at the plot of land as she whispers “I’ll see and talk to you soon Matt, I have someone else I need to go talk to.”

As Leigh was approaching the door to their apartment, she couldn’t help but repeatedly mumble the phrase to herself “please don’t slam the door in my face, please don’t slam the door in my face.” She waited patiently in front of the door, she knocked and as the person approached the door on the other side, she could hear their footsteps. As soon as they opened the door Leigh’s head shot up to look at the person as she nervously bit her lip. The second Danny realized it was Leigh on the other side of the door he promptly went to slam the door she ran over and stuck her foot in between the closing of the door as she pressed her hand against it. “Danny, Danny, Danny. I won’t be here long I’m just here to say sorry and apologize for everything I did and how I acted around you. It was frankly unforgivable and horrible. So, if you just give me a few minutes and I’ll be out of your hair for good. You’ll never have to see me again. As Leigh was scanning Danny’s face trying to get a read on what his answer was going to be. Danny loosens his grip on the door and leans against the door frame as he lets out a breath and nods. “Okay say whatever you have to say.”

Leigh lets out a deep breath as she fumbles with her hands and fingers. “Danny I’m so sorry for how everything went down and happened between us since Matt’s death. How everything happened was truly unforgivable. As terrible as it is to say it was a way for me to deal with my grief…it was a weird part of my grieving and healing process. Because…. Because I think in a way even if I didn’t admit it openly to me or to you…. though you may not want to hear this…you reminded me of Matt…. you- you were that last link to Matt for me and when we were doing whatever it was that we had going on. I was acting how I was when I was with Matt and honestly, it makes me sick that I treated you as a copy of him and as a coping mechanism-” Leigh paused as she ran her hands over her face and groaned as she mumbled “God this is going to sound so pretentious of me but I wrote something the other day for my book specifically about that time in my life and grief I wrote. We suffered a loss, and you don’t make major life decisions when you’re reeling from a loss. And that is exactly what we did, what we all did, we made a huge decision at the peak of our grief that changed our whole dynamic, that we cannot even stand to talk or even see each other anymore. For Christ's sake I was married to your brother, to me we’re still family no matter what. But due to the choices that we made it’s ruined that dynamic. So, I just want to say again I am truly sorry for what I did Danny and for treating you as if you were Matt, and as a coping mechanism.”

When Leigh finally gets the courage to look Danny in the eyes she swallows dryly as she sees his unreadable expression. She raises her eyebrows slightly to get any response. He starts to nod slowly as he clears his throat. “Leigh, your apology is accepted, and I hope you know I’m sorry as well for how I treated you. As you said we were at the peak of our grief. But um…. I’m not going to say we can never see each other again or hang out since as you said we still are family…at least in a sense. I just- I just need to get to the grips of our dynamic now so we can regularly talk Leigh. But for now, I think…I think this is it.”

Leigh smiles and nods sadly as she takes in everything Danny is saying.

Just as Danny is about to close the door again, he pops his head out around the corner “but that’s not saying you’re not going to get a random emoji sent to you from time to time…you know just so you know I’m alive and you’re alive…right?”

Leigh lets out a watery laugh as she smiles and nods hastily. “Definitely, Danny. See you around.”

Danny smirks as he slowly closes the door “See you around Leigh.”

Leigh was meant to go back to her own apartment once after her meeting with Drew and with her mom’s friend Neil again to get some DMT. She decided it would be best to have you around in case something went wrong. The minute she got in the door she leaned her back against it to close it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. As she tried to relax and calm herself after the exhausting day of fixing and making things right with so many people. As well as putting the finishing touches on her book and getting ready to decide to either publish it independently or with a publishing house. She was convincing herself it would all be worth it in the end.

As you came down the stairs you looked over at Leigh leaning against the door with her eyes closed. You chuckled softly “hey Hun, you, okay? Are you just taking a lil nap by the door?” Leigh grinned the second she heard your voice “I’m okay sweetie, I was just taking a minute to myself after a long day.”

Your brows furrow as look at Leigh “Long day? What happened? Is there anything I can do to help?” Leigh smirked as she walked over and pulled you into a hug “no you’re okay, I just went to visit Matt’s grave today, after that, I went to talk to Danny to clear things up and apologize for the way everything was handled and I finalized everything writing-wise anyway when it comes to the book so now I just have to decide if I want to publish it independently or with a publishing house.” You smile as you place your lips against the top of Leigh’s head and place multiple kisses on top as you mumble “I am so freaking proud of you and you for writing this book.” You pause slightly as you clear your throat “but um how was being at Matt’s grave and talking to Danny again after so long? Oh, also I visited Matt’s grave today to just talk to him as Y/N Y/L/N Leigh’s college best friend not as the musician Y/N. Well…. Until the end when I said I wrote a song with him, you and I in mind.”

Leigh hums against you “The visit with Matt was good, I just buried a lil ring I bought not so long ago so he’d have a piece of me with him all the time because I didn’t wanna get rid of my wedding ring. The talk with Danny went okay I apologized for everything, especially how I treated him. We may not talk or meet up for a while but that’s okay. I know I’ve done everything I can. Huh…. odd we both went to visit Matt on the same day…. But did it do you any good?”

Leigh grins into your chest as she feels you nod above her “yeah, yeah it did.” You feel Leigh tense up slightly in your embrace “Leigh, you good?”

Leigh pulls away from you slightly to look up at you “there’s one thing I wanna run by you, that I’m going to do I just want to know if you’re going to be okay with it. Though I have done it before.” Your hands grip her jacket a little tighter as you nod hesitantly waiting for her to elaborate. “So before whilst you were off in Vietnam, my mom called up one of her hold friends called Neil and he gave me DMT a-”

“a hallucinogenic, psychedelic drug.”

“Yes, exactly that, because Jules dreamed about him during that time, and I wasn’t having dreams of him anymore. So, I just wanted to see him so one of the only ways to do that was by this drug. So today when I went to visit him. I told Matt I would be contacting this friend again to get this drug to talk to him fully, to tell him everything. Everything that has happened and what I have coincidentally put into the book as well. What way me and you were in college, how I will always truly love him but honestly will probably never get over his death and all the unanswered questions I have in regard to him. But I have to move on and go forward and that is with you Y/N, I’d like to think the love of my life. And really just how fucking annoying it is and was when people tiptoe around me and everything else, they do that irritates me. I just…I just want to know if you’re okay with me telling him all of this even though it’s all going to be in my book anyway. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable in this whole situation.”

You shake your head hastily as you placed kisses around her face, “You Miss Leigh Shaw do whatever you have to in this situation to make you feel at peace. I’m…although I hate the word a celebrity, I’m sure people would find out these things about me or possibly already have. Do what you got to do Miss Shaw.”

“You are the greatest partner ever Y/N Y/L/N.” She leans up on her tippy toes as she places a chaste kiss against your lips. “But I do have one more question to ask, would you mind staying in the room with me and doing this whole thing with me. Just in case something goes wrong or happens that I need you right after?”

You nod instantly as you look down at her with soft eyes “I will do whatever you need me to do Leigh. I am right here, and I am never leaving your side.” You both pause briefly as you take a deep breath and intertwine your hands together as you walk up the stairs together.

As you get Leigh situated in a comfortable position on the bed and have the lights in the room dim as you hold the pipe between your fingers. “You ready for this?” Leigh nods slowly as she eyes the pipe as you bring it to her lips. “Wait wait wait, before you do anything.” you look at her with your eyebrows raised waiting for her to continue “can you play some of the instrumentals of your music on your phone whilst I’m doing this thing. Not exactly loud, just faintly. So, when I come back to here, I’m not going crazy thinking I’ve gone deaf or something from this.”

You can’t help the chuckle that leaves your lips as you nod and place a quick peck on her lips “of course Hun.” You grab your phone out of your back pocket and do as she says. You raise the pipe up to her lips once again, she leans forward as she places her lips around the opening of the pipe. When you see her eyes start to close and her body goes limp you make sure to lean her back slowly and softly onto the bed. As you sit at the foot of the bed.

One second Leigh was present in the room with you the next thing she knew she was standing in the same room as last time when she did this to see Matt, however the only difference this time was that there was no glass separating the two of them. Without even thinking about it she ran straight for him and embraced him in a tight hug as she just laid her head against his chest for a few minutes. She couldn’t help but feel calm as she felt his hand rubbing her back after a few minutes of standing in silence and hugging Matt, she decided to pull away from him to look at him. “I- uh it is really nice to see you again Matt.”

Matt smiled slightly as he nodded “it’s good to see you as well Leigh.”

She chuckles humorlessly as she says “I guess I should start the discussion I actually wanted to say to you now. Because I don’t know how long this state or place is going to last. Everything I’m discussing with you here I’ve written into my book, you’ll just be getting a much more condensed version of it.” Matt nods slowly as he gazes at Leigh. “I know Y/N visited you at your grave and said whatever they had to say to help them. That can stay private because it was for them, they needed it, I’m just glad they did something that helped them even if it was ever so slightly. But um, I guess I wasn’t completely honest with you when it came to our wedding and even after it. Because um the reason why I’d be playing Y/N’s music so much was that they were my best friend in college so, of course, I continued to support them. But I feel like I should’ve made it clear with you from the start when I was referencing my best friend in college that it was them, I was talking about. I- I guess at that time with you I think I saw them as still my little secret no one really knew about them yet when I should’ve just been honest-”

Leigh gets cut off by Matt’s laughs “Leigh before you carry on, I have to say I also think you weren’t telling me about them because there were feelings there for them that you never knew you had…. or maybe you did know and pushed them away because it was so long ago. But I have a feeling that’s why you never mentioned them to me as well in case you said or let something slip that I shouldn’t have known.”

Leigh stares at him wide-eyed as her mouth is slightly agape as she nods slowly as she comes to that realization “yeah…. yeah, that too. I will say though Y/N in college and still, now they haven’t changed they truly were amazing and the best person you could ever meet. I’m… it does make me slightly sad and upset they never truly got to meet you. We really had the best of times, they’d listen to all my ramblings and deal with me being difficult and stubborn. Much like you dealt with me whenever I was like that. I’d listen and try to help them out to the best of my abilities when it came to music and lyrics much like I still do today. We just worked well together. But I guess them pulling away from me in college and even after college it all makes sense now since I found out they had feelings for me. I do really wish they had met you because now that I think of it you both are kind of similar, I imagine you both would have gotten on well together and you both would have been great at annoying the hell out of me yet have been very protective of me no matter what.”

Matt smiles at Leigh softly full of adoration “I am really glad you’re happy now Leigh by yourself and with Y/N because it does sound like they do bring out the best in you.” Leigh laughs quietly to herself, and she looks down at her shoes to hide the slight blush on her cheeks at the thought of you.

When it hits her the next topic, she wants to discuss is Leigh feels the tears building up in her eyes she shuts them quickly and blinks rapidly trying to get rid of them. But she hears a faint “Leigh.” come from Matt's mouth so she slowly raises her eyes to meet his “you know you don’t have to hide your emotions from me, I understand that this is a lot for you to go through and then have to talk about it. With the person that in a way caused those hard times. Leigh shakes her head rapidly as if it was the most absurd thing he could have ever said.

“No no, it’s fine. I just- I want you to know yet again that I did truly love you and I think I always will no matter what purely because…okay maybe this is going to sound a bit cliche but that was our own unique relationship and love and no one can or will take that from us, Matt. But I also think…no no I know that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over your death no matter how hard I try, no matter who is around me. But I…I can’t stay in that place of grieving feeling stuck forever feeling hurt and pain because I just won’t be able to survive that, living in that pain, hurt and grieving for as long as I live. I can’t survive. I won’t survive it. So, I have to move on with my life and move forward. As much as that may sting as well, it just has to be done.”

Leigh sighs softly as she realizes she’s nearing the end of her discussion as she leans against the wall in this weird place. “This …one of the last things I wanna say to you isn’t directly to do with you, it’s just about grief in general and what annoys me about it. I had this conversation with Danny quite soon after your death, but I just need to say it to someone else again. I hate when people use the word condolences. I hate how in the beginning, everyone wants to send you flowers and donate to, like, a foundation for your dead person. And then they stop calling and writing and doing nice things for you because they're over it, and they expect you to be over it. I hate running into someone I haven't seen in a long time, and I know they know you’re dead. But we have an entire conversation, and they never bring you up. They never say they're sorry. They don't ask how I'm doing. They just pretend like everything's fine. I hate that.”

She runs her hands over her face as she takes a breath “someone sent in a question before to my advice column and it was about a break-up right after you had passed, and it has been stuck in my head ever since and especially how I was going to answer it. What they asked me was, ‘Everyone keeps telling me that I'll get over him. Everyone keeps telling me it's not the end of the world, but if that's true, then why does it feel like the end of the world?’. The answer I had typed out was ‘The reason everyone keeps telling you it's not the end of the world is because it's not the end of their world. They don't have to figure out how to live inside a world that's over. You do.’ And I think I can finally say…. I’ve figured out or at least starting to figure out how to live inside a world that doesn’t involve you.”

Matt grins at Leigh albeit sadly he takes her into a warm and loving embrace. “I’m very proud of you Leigh and I just know you’re going to achieve great things.” As Leigh has her head pressed against her chest a thought comes to mind and she mumbles “Hey Matt, can I ask you one last question before I go?”

Matt tenses slightly but nods albeit hesitantly “yeah go ahead.”

Leigh takes a deep breath as she steps away from him “Matt, how did you die? Was it an accident or did you do it on purpose?”

Matt lets out an exasperated sigh “Leigh…”

Leigh shakes her head slowly “no Matt just tell me. I need some sort of closure for that question”

Matt sighs as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath “okay okay, but you have to promise me this stays with you. No one else gets to know.” Leigh nods instantly as she stares at him with soft eyes.

“Leigh it was-”

One second you were nearly falling asleep with your eyes closed at the foot of the bed, the next thing you heard Leigh gasp as her eyes shot open. You quickly ran up to sit beside her as you ran your hands all over her face making sure she was okay. “Hey hey, Leigh, Hun, you, okay? Are you good?”

Leigh instantly softens at your touch as she subtly leans into it and nods slowly as she whispers out “I’m good, no need to worry about me. I think we both just need to enjoy a relaxing night for the two of us night after a rather long day.

It's been a few weeks now since that night. Leigh decided to publish her book with a publishing house. It was no surprise to you and everyone else that her book was very well received and quickly rose to be a number one bestseller. As for the album…that was actually finalized, and the talks of the tour had started and finished very quickly. As your management started booking venues and states for you to tour. Which…. You had yet to tell Leigh about not with bad intentions you just wanted this time to be about her and the success she was having. You didn’t wanna rain on her parade.

This explains where you are right now, which is in a room standing beside Leigh as she talks to all of her friends that came to a little party to celebrate Leigh’s book being labelled as a number 1 best seller. You knew Leigh was a bit sad that her mother Amy and Jules weren’t there to celebrate with her although she was trying to convince you it was fine, she had you to celebrate with her and that’s all she needed. But little did she know you got into contact with them and luckily it didn’t take much convincing for them to come to visit and celebrate with their daughter and sister.

You lean your head against the top of Leigh’s as you both hear a knock. Leigh’s about to answer it as you tug her backwards by her dress, you place a kiss against her temple as you mutter “I’ll answer it, you stay with everyone else Hun.”

Leigh looks at you with furrowed brows “but everyone is here already Y/N/N.” You give her waist a tight squeeze and a tight-lipped smile as you go answer the door. Leigh can’t help but eye you suspiciously as she watches you walk off but ends up shrugging it off and falling back into conversation with Becca and Drew. As you pulled open the door you let out a sigh of relief as you saw the two people Leigh wanted most right in front of you. You grinned as you pulled them both into a tight hug not quite believing they were actually here. After a few minutes, you heard Amy say “alright, where’s the girl we should be celebrating today?”

Your smile couldn’t get any bigger than it already was yet somehow it did “She’s right inside the last time I saw her she was talking to Drew and Becca about something.” You moved to the side of the door to let Amy and Jules through as you closed the door behind them. The second you had the door closed you heard Leigh faintly say “honey, who was at the door?”

You walked in behind Amy and Jules standing behind Leigh “why don’t you look behind you and find out?” Simultaneously everybody looked to where your voice came from as a collective gasp was heard throughout the whole room. Leigh spun around to face you with her mouth agape the second she saw her mother and sister, the tears streaming down her face didn’t even register with her as she ran over to embrace both of them. You smiled softly at the three of them as you stepped back to give them their own time together but before you could go anywhere Leigh stuck out her hand and grabbed your shirt and pulled you over to them to join the hug.

As you’re all still standing in the hug one of the members of Leigh’s team walks in and clears her throat. “Alright everybody we have a very special and important announcement to make for the main woman of the day. All of us are very proud and honoured to have worked with Leigh for the last while and hope for us to work together more in the future. But for now, we are all very pleased to say that Leigh Shaw’s very first book Sorry for Your Loss is officially a number one bestseller. -” She gets interrupted by a round of applause and cheers from everyone in the room as Leigh starts to get teary-eyed again. As the applause and commotion start to die down, she clears her throat “and with that, we have an announcement to make Leigh has known about this for a few days now but everyone swore her to secrecy so she couldn’t even tell her amazing, brilliant partner Y/N, sorry about that by the way.” You shake your head and laugh slightly as Leigh’s grip on your shirt only seems to get tighter. “But we are proud to say our very own Leigh Shaw will be going on a book tour around America for a few weeks which will be starting very soon in a couple of weeks' time.”

You tense up ever so slightly but make sure to keep a smile on your face as you lean over and kiss the top of Leigh’s head and mumble “I’m so proud of you.” Unbeknownst to you, Leigh noticed how you immediately tensed at the news and plastered on what you thought was a believable smile. She could take a guess that you had news about your career and album but weren’t drawing attention to it, so all of the focus was on Leigh for a change and not you.

As it was nearing the end of the gathering and people were leaving, the anxious feeling you got since Leigh’s announcement only grew tenfold as you got told more information about when her book tour starts. Only because you knew you were going to have to tell her this before it got too late. Considering the party was at your house you walked Amy and Jules up to the spare rooms you had to rest for the night. You paused at the top of the stairs and took a deep breath in as you heard the clinking of glasses and plates as Leigh cleaned up downstairs. You very slowly and hesitantly started walking down the stairs to approach Leigh just as she walked past you into the living room with two mugs of tea. “You coming in here or not Y/N?” You walk into the living room albeit apprehensively as you sit beside Leigh. Which she wasn’t a fan of as she made you sit sideways so she could lie in between your legs as she handed you your mug. She spoke softly “you tensed up.”

Your brows furrowed slightly as you sip your tea “huh?”

“When the announcement was made about my book tour you tensed up and plastered on a smile. So, what haven’t you shared with me or well any of us yet.”

You let your head fall against the back of the sofa as you sigh “Well as you know my album releases in a few days and my tour starts very shortly after that. I think it could be just before your book tour starts or maybe even the same week.”

Both of you sat in silence for a few minutes as you both let this new information linger in the air and just fully sink in. Leigh turned around slowly to face as she came to the realization “Yo- you won’t be able to come with me on my book tour and I won’t be on yours.” You looked at Leigh sadly as you shook your head trying your best to keep the tears at bay “No, no I won’t be with you on your book tour, and it pains me to say I won’t be there with and for you.”

Leigh’s eyes dart rapidly around the room and across your face as she quickly tries to think of some solution on the spot “B-but can’t we- isn’t there something? -” Leigh deflates slightly as it hits her all at once “there’s nothing we can do to change this is there?”

You place both of your mugs onto the coffee table as you move your hands onto her cheeks to stop her tears from escaping. As your words come out broken “no there really isn’t anything we can do.”

The sobs that escaped Leigh surprised the both of you as she fell forward and cried into your chest. It felt like her whole body was hurting her with the sobs that came from her. You wrap your arms around Leigh and lift her up onto your lap as you rub her back. “It’s only for a few weeks Leigh, I believe we can do this, we can get through this, I’ll make sure we call, text, facetime and literally whatever else is possible in this day in age. To make sure we have constant contact even though I know it’s going to be a struggle and it’s going to suck with how much work we will have to do constantly whilst we’re both away. But I got you, you got me, we have each other. I’m-” you pause slightly to laugh “I’m going to say some lyrics to a new song I’ve been working on, it is probably going to sound very cliche and cheesy, but I like it, so I hope you do too. If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you. You’d be the spoon, dip you in honey, so I could be sticking to you.”

You feel the movement of Leigh laughing before you actually hear it as she hums in agreement “you were right that was very cliche and cheesy. What other lyrics do you have written for that song?”

You throw your head back in fake thought “Umm…. literally nothing that’s all I got so far besides knowing it’ll probably be called Daylight.”

Leigh leans her chin against your chest “that’s cute but why Daylight?”

You groan even more at that question “great even more cliche and cheesiness “Because whenever I see you, you just are the epitome of Daylight to me. You just shine so bright and bring a level of warmth into my life that no one else has ever been able to achieve. And that’s been since college not just recently.”

Leigh grins as she pats your cheek slightly “You’re cute. But come on let’s get ready for bed we have a busy few days ahead of us.” You sigh as you see her stand up holding her hand out for you to take. You intertwine your fingers between hers as you reluctantly stand up clean up the last few things and walk upstairs.

It had finally reached the day you both were dreading, the day you both wish you could’ve put off for as long as physically possible. You both over the last few weeks had naturally been stuck to each other's hips. Everywhere you could go you went together besides when it came to situations such as work or just using the bathroom. You both soaked up as much time together as physically possible. Here you both were standing outside your front door looking at the two different cars taking you both to two different states. That was another thing you both did. You basically studied your dates to see if you both were in the same states at any moment in time…. easy to say that wouldn’t be happening. You clenched your eyes as you turned towards Leigh and placed your hands on her cheeks as softly as you possibly could as if any rougher touch would shatter her like a porcelain doll. You placed a long passionate kiss on her lips trying to delay the inevitable. However, you slightly ruined the kiss by smiling slightly when you felt Leigh’s hands wrap around your wrists.

Leigh pulled back slightly as she rested her forehead against yours, you gazed at her softly as you murmured “It’s just us, always. No matter what, okay? Leigh nodded slowly as she gave you another kiss. You both reluctantly stepped away from each other as you walked toward your separate cars. As you both opened the doors you gave each other a look of understanding and nodded subtly to each other. That was the last thing you both saw as you sat in the car.

You were happy to say the first two weeks of the tour were easy and good for both of you. Both of you were getting good sleep, texting each other updates even if the other was busy and Leigh was even sending you pictures of your posters and billboards in different states and places as she travelled. So of course, in return, in every bookshop you passed that displayed Sorry for Your Loss in the window you took pictures and sent them to Leigh. Today was 2nd day off in a row which you were thankful for because your voice was going, and it needed the rest. So here you were lying on the bed in your hotel room in New York? Honestly, you couldn’t remember. But you were at your happiest because you were on facetime with your amazing partner who was also resting in her hotel for the night. However, she was giving out to you claiming “Y/N/N Honey as much as I love you, you need your voice for your job shouldn’t you not be talking altogether?”

You roll your eyes ever so slightly as you shrug “I mean I guess I should be but… I needed to hear your voice and actually see you in front of me for a few hours. I’m getting sick and tired of texting and not being able to hear or see you. And even then, I probably would’ve used voice notes and you would’ve been giving out to me through text.” Leigh rolled her eyes in response, but you could see the grin she was trying to hide from you. You zoned out slightly as you stared at something placed on the desk on the other side of the room, not realizing Leigh was trying to get your attention. But quickly came back to reality when you heard her softly say “hey honey, you good?” Your eyes dart back to the screen and grin as you nod. Leigh chuckles nervously

“okay, okay but honey why are you looking at me like that? You never looked at me this way before?”

You looked at her confused “I- I uh I dunno what way I just looked at you sorry, I guess I just miss you a lot that’s all Hun. But if you didn’t like it, I’ll try not to look at you that way ever again.”

Leigh rapidly shakes her head “no no no it’s okay I liked it, it- it was just new that’s all. But um the reason I was trying to get your attention Y/N/N was that I got to go get some sleep since I have to be up early tomorrow. But I loved that we got a day to just kind of exist together again for a few hours…. even if it was through facetime. It helped a bunch.” You smiled softly at her as you nodded “okay Hun, you go get some well-deserved sleep yeah?” Leigh grinned softly as she blew a kiss towards the camera and quickly disappeared off your screen.

It was the next few weeks where the issues and problems had started between the two of you. You were both getting more tired and stressed, which led to you both being quite cranky when it came to your usual texts and calls. You honestly couldn’t even recall what your arguments would be about, one second, you’d be talking filling each other in on any interesting interactions you’ve had. Then you’d both be yelling at each other. The only cause of the tension between the both of you was the possibility of not sleeping well due to becoming so accustomed to sleeping with and next to each other. Sleeping in a double bed alone with no one beside you after so long, the bed felt huge, you felt lost in it.

Which brought you to the conversation you were about to bring up now with Leigh. Everything was calm between you both so far, but you knew this could set her off. “Hey, Leigh?”

She hummed in response

You sighed, that was another addition during this time short snappy answers coming from both sides. Just no length, no detail at all to these messages. “Leigh is it alright if I ask you a question?”

Leigh tore her eyes away from whatever she was doing and stared at the screen as she raised her eyebrows waiting for you to continue.

You muttered a fuck under your breath when you saw her stare “I was just going to ask, how you’ve been sleeping whilst you’ve been away? I’m just wondering because-”

Leigh narrows her eyes at you and bites her lip slightly “What, what is it Y/N? Do I look tired and exhausted is that why you’re asking me? Am I not the pretty, beautiful Leigh you fell in love with?”

You stare at the screen shocked and puzzled as you stutter out “Wha- what no Leigh, you didn’t let me finish my question-”

Leigh cuts you off yet again “No, you know what Y/N am I so fucking sorry that me missing my partner, missing being around my partner 24/7 has such a negative effect on my looks, how I act, how I interact with people constantly, working and travelling constantly and driven me to a level of stress I didn’t even know existed. I am so sorry that my work has affected me in such a negative way that you can’t stand it anymore, possibly can’t stand me or even like me anymore. I am so sorry for doing that to you-”

You absent-mindedly had started pacing the room you were currently staying in “Leigh…oh my God Leigh will you let me finish and get out the rest of my fucking question? You’re freaking out and blowing up on me for no fucking reason here.”

Deep down Leigh knew she was being unreasonable here, but she just couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. She was just so overworked, tired, and stressed and she missed you so fucking much. She never realized until this tour just how much she loved and adored you. She just wanted you back in her arms, she was so attached to you, and she didn’t care if it wasn’t healthy. She needed you, she wanted you. But that didn’t stop the next words from tumbling out of her mouth.

“OH, for no fucking reason really!?” She grimaced internally as she scoffed you know what Y/N I think it’s best if we both go to sleep for the night.”

You scoffed slightly at the words coming out of her mouth you started to finish off your question whether she’d like it or not, that’s even if she heard it as she started to disconnect the call without even saying good night. As you hastily said, “I was just going to say I was just wondering because I have been missing you a lot and I haven’t been sleeping right without you beside me.”

She was gone off the screen as you finished the question. You thought she hadn’t heard the rest of the question as you threw your phone on your bed watching it roll to the floor.

Meanwhile, Leigh was staring blankly at her screen mouth agape with tears in her eyes as she heard what you were initially going to say to her. God, she was a fucking idiot. The sooner both tours were over the better.

It’s been a week since that night you and Leigh hadn’t texted or called each other. Radio silence. You both could’ve been dead and none of you would know. But you were on your way home to California for the last show of your tour. You couldn’t have been happier to be on the final date of the tour. You knew Leigh had still another 2 weeks of her tour you could only hope it would get easier for her, you could go and visit her on one of her dates…then again you two weren’t exactly talking at the moment. So maybe that wouldn’t be the smartest idea. Your team decided on the last few dates of the tour instead of flying from place to place only, when necessary, of course, they decided to hire a tour bus for you all to stay on for the trek back to California.

So, as you all pulled into a random town to fill the bus up on gas and just take a break from driving. You decided to walk around the random town and explore a little, you were living in your own little bubble with your headphones on looking into random shop windows when one caused you to stop in your tracks. That’s when you saw Leigh’s book on display in the front window, you couldn’t lie you teared up slightly at the sight of her book and her name in big writing…your emotions may have been heightened due to not talking to her.

On instinct, you took out your phone to take a picture and send it to her. As soon as the picture is sent you internally cursed yourself as you remembered you two weren’t exactly on speaking terms. But as you stood there deep in thought a wild thought came to mind as you ran across the road and ran into the shop. You didn’t even bother looking around the store, you walked straight up to the cashier. “Hi there, I’d like to buy every single copy that you have of Sorry for Your Loss by Leigh Shaw.” You don’t blame the cashier for looking at you weirdly he nodded slowly as he started typing something up. “You must really need help with your grief if you’re buying every single copy of it that we have.”

You nodded slightly and chuckled “yeah sure let’s go with that buddy.” Since the cashier was searching something up you decided to text your team the address of where you were because there was no way in hell you were getting back to the bus with all those books.

When the cashier, your team and you finally finished loading the books onto the bus. You walked back into pay “Also just so you know Jordan, I wasn’t buying every single book because I’m struggling with grief. I’m buying them because I’m being a supportive partner and supporting mine in her career endeavours.” It was then the cashier realized who you were “holy shit.” but before he could say or do anything else you were gone.

As you got on the bus and looked at all the books you couldn’t help but laugh, you knew you had to send a picture to Leigh no matter what, you knew it would make her smile. You stared at the screen as the picture was sent waiting to see if you would get any sort of response from her. Needless to say, you were shocked when you saw her send heart and kissy-face emojis to you. It may not have been much, but it was something and it was better than nothing.

It was the night of your final performance, and you were freaking the fuck out for some reason. You had never been so nervous about a show before. I mean there was a possibility of it being due to the fact you were performing in your home state…though you’ve performed here before maybe it’s due to a bigger crowd. It was just something you couldn’t shake but you knew it would all be okay once you were out there. You had gotten a text from Leigh earlier in the day wishing you good luck and that she knew you were going to kill it. So that helped eased you ever so slightly.

You were in the middle of your set on stage when you started hearing cheers and screaming though you were doing nothing. You squinted out looking at the crowd as you took out one of your in-ears. You brought the mic up to your mouth as you spoke “guys, hey what's going on out there? Do y’all need water or something?”

You received an overwhelming collective “NO!” Back to you.

You laughed “Okay, okay so what’s going on fill me in on your little secrets.” you groaned ever so slightly as you sat down at the edge of the stage. You then heard a chant starting with a name of a person you adored. “LEIGH, LEIGH, LEIGH, LEIGH.”

You laughed and shook your head “yeah guys I know, I know. Go Leigh and well done for everything she’s achieved so far but sadly she isn’t here tonight.” However, that didn’t stop the chanting, if anything it only got louder. You rolled your eyes and pointed your mic out at the crowd. “Do you guys want me to start singing again, I mean that is what you all are here for isn’t it?” They answered with yet another no. You started humming a random tune into the mic as your eyes scanned the crowd as you noticed weird movement happening out there. You squinted and pursed your lips as you examined the area. You nearly dropped your mic at what you saw next.

You stared out into the crowd wide-eyed and mouth agape as you saw Leigh basically being escorted to the front of the pit by all of your fans as they all started chanting Leigh again. You leaned down towards the security as you explained to them who that woman was and to help her over the barrier as smoothly as possible. Which didn’t go smoothly at all, she stood in the space between the stage and the crowd looking up at you. You held your hand out wordlessly inviting her up on the stage with you. Leigh instantly shook her head and exclaimed “Are you crazy I’m not going up there.” You rolled your eyes as you jumped down off the stage and threw her over your shoulder as you got back into the stage. With Leigh clinging onto you for dear life and screaming in your ear. As you got back onto the stage you leaned forward trying to get your breath back as Leigh slapped you slightly “excuse me I am not that heavy, that’s all muscle!”

You nodded your head “I know, I know.” One of the crew members ran on stage with a spare mic for Leigh to use as you both spoke. You laughed “okay this concert has taken a very different turn tonight guys I’m sorry.” All you got was a cheer in response, you rolled your eyes.

“Okay first off Leigh, how are you here?”

Leigh grimaced “I uh… I cut my book tour short the dates are getting rescheduled don’t worry but um I needed a break from doing all that. But mostly the reason why I am here is that I missed you too much and I honestly think I was going a bit crazy not being around you as often as I used to be.” You smiled softly at her and gazed at her lovingly as she continued to speak “and you know more than anyone how I was acting and it just…it wasn’t right- and there you go with that look again. The one I’ve only seen once before and that was over facetime.”

God this is either going to be a really stupid idea or it’s going to be a really smart one. “Uhhh…one second Leigh. Hey guys!” you shout out into the crowd, the response you get back is a bunch of cheers. You laugh at the situation you’re in right now “Do you guys think you could sing to Leigh for a moment whilst I go grab something from backstage really quick?” Before you know it, they started singing Green Eyes, you turn towards Leigh quickly and place a quick kiss on her lips before you run off backstage to grab what you needed.

You run back on stage as you walk towards Leigh and pull her towards you to stand up. You take a deep breath in as you slowly get down on one knee Leigh stares at you wide-eyed. You place the mics down on the floor knowing thousands of people didn’t near to hear your personal love declaration.

“Leigh Shaw, my partner, the love of my life, the thorn in my side. I know this whole situation between us probably has been going on for years and we didn’t even know it. You really are the love of my life, I wrote a song about it years ago when I thought I had lost you for good. Unsurprisingly called Love of My Life. But I am truly so sick and tired of life and time passing us by so quickly, time and ourselves have ruined years of love and happiness we could’ve been spending and giving it to each other. And this time apart has only solidified that although maybe it all panned out this way for a reason. But Leigh Shaw, I want to spend the rest of my life with you however long that may be. Before I ask you one of the most important questions, I will ever ask, I have a little fact for you. Only 2% of the population has green eyes. I don’t wanna be with anyone else who is in that percentage, you Leigh Shaw are the only person from that percentage that I wanna be with and write songs about till the day I die. So, Leigh Shaw will you please marry me?”

As you stared at Leigh you saw the stream of tears rolling down her face as she smiles at you and nods rapidly “of course I will, I’d be stupid not to after everything you’ve done for me and everything we’ve been through.” You stand up as Leigh wraps her arms around your neck embracing in a long-overdue kiss. You both get brought back to where you actually are as you hear the cheers you pull back slightly as you slowly put the ring on Leigh’s finger. You bend down to pick up the mics Leigh whispers “finish your concert, I’ll be right backstage or at the side listening and watching you.” You let out a breath as you kiss her on final time before you carry on with your show.

After you finally finish your concert you and Leigh are walking back to the tour bus as she stares at the ring “when did you even get this, when did you even have the time to get this?”

You laugh as you kiss the side of her temple “Oh Leigh, Hun I’ve had that ring for months. Remember that time when I came in from work and you first told me about wanting to write a book?” Leigh nods slowly as she recalls that memory “Yeah…. well remember I was adamant on bringing my bag upstairs even though I claimed it was just my music stuff?” Leigh nods again as she sends you a glare and hums. “Yeah well, I’ve had it since around then.”

Leigh scoffs and pinches your side “you're a jerk-” Leigh pauses as she looks down at the ring again “but it’s beautiful, pretty and everything in between so it’s okay.” When you both finally reach the tour bus and sit down you both simultaneously let out a groan. You turn Leigh’s head to look at you by grabbing her chin with your thumb and index finger. “I love you, Leigh Shaw.”

Leigh grins and gazes at you in adoration “I love you too Y/N Y/L/N.” You both place your foreheads against one another as you place a loving kiss on each other's lips.

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