#it's ok it's fine i am building the life and relationships i want

[idiealotdontworry]

queerplatonic in a "i feel a deep desire for an intimate but non-romantic/sexual life partnership" way, but also queerplatonic in a "i take all my platonic relationships way more seriously than most people do and this has led to so much heartache oh god" way

[cacaobean760]

So this is part two of the lines that stuck out to me for Leander so go look at the first one if you haven’t seen it yet 😗🤪https://www.tumblr.com/cacaobean760/735020263224360960/ok-so-this-is-my-first-ever-post-but-i-actually?source=share

So if we are picking up from right where I left off we are still outside talking to Leander and he is trying to get us to touch his hand and so he of course, has to pull this ICONIC line when we say that he does not know what he is asking us

ok bud, hold on, we literally just met you, why the heck would we trust you. It's pretty weird when you think about it especially after you see the next situation.

The next options we have are to touch him or hold back. If you do choose to touch him, nothing happens, everything goes fine. But if you choose to to hold back well.......this happens

Leander fully expects you to touch him and not hesitate, he fully expects you to trust him. Which is definitely weird because well, why would we, we just met him. So Leander must be really used to people trusting him even when they just met which means this is not his first rodeo with this. Also I have no idea what actually happens here, weather our curse actually effects him for a bit or he is just playing it off because I feel like he deff knows he done messed up when he grabs our hand but...

He plays off the whole thing no matter what actually happened to him after touching our hand! He makes it seem all fine and dandy even when it's not because it would be a shock for someone to just grab you like that even if you kinda suspect it happening. I mean I feel like any normal person would remember and take notes of what went down. This kinda goes back to when you consider how if you choose to refuse the flowers when he first offers them to you he just pretends like he did not hear you. But if something even scarier happened to you, for example, Leander getting effected by the curse, you would kinda forget about the fact that he forcefully grabs your hand. And then he touches you AGAIN??!!?! This is meant to be comforting and establish some more trust between the two of you because he seems like a safe space after this.

Then he says this??????

Bro might as well just say that he is the only person you can trust.

Also if we rewind a bit, So far Leander has been very kind, open, and friendly towards us but then he says this uhhhhhh.... very unusual line

This is actually talked about a lot I feel like when it comes to Leander because I feel like it sums up his character with just this line and the one other line about flowers not lasting long but leaving an impression.

When we finally go back inside he finishes off our chat by saying this

By doing this, he is saying that he is a safe space to go back to, he is someone you can trust. Which I feel has been the whole point of this whole conversation, to establish some trust and build up a relationships. And when you look at it from that point of view, one could say that Leander is actually using our vulnerable situation to make us feel like he is the only one we can turn to.

And I think I am finally to the last line, but it is about Leander and his escapades

Listen, I am not shaming, you do you boo, but like I feel that Leander does this for more then just some good ol' fun. First off, even if they are one night stands, there establishes more of a relationships then if they were strangers. I also feel that Leander KNOWS how much of a pretty boy he is and so he fully expects for people to want to.....meet up again lets say. And also this feeds into the illusion that he is a perfectly good, fun loving guy. No one like him could be bad right? It feeds into his act of being a party animal, someone that does not take life to seriously. But I think that is all part of his plan.

So ya, I could just be super overthinking everything but I actually kinda hope that Leander turns out to be the most morally gray or bad out of all of the LI's because I think that would be such a good twist.

[wannaeatramyeon]

You hit the nail on the head! I‘ll ask for more professional assessment: honest opinion on Crystal?

Following on from my ramblings about Sally Park. Oops! Edited to add in Zoe too.

Well written female characters in Lookism? Uhh...

When the bar is at an all time low, it's really not hard to step over it.

At this point, I've been pavloved to think that any female character that expresses a personality trait other than 'simp' is pretty good. Simp is fun when it's part of a list of characteristics (Zack, Ryuhei). Not so much when it's the only thing.

Long live PTJ, the greatest feminist. Anyway.

Female characters I like

Mary Kim

Love her. Empress of 2 seconds. Queen of my heart.

Surprisingly kept a platonic relationship with Vin Jin, showing quite a healthy mixed gender friendship. Sassy and smart. Loyal. Good taste in men (Jace). Is shown having a life and interests outside of a man.

On my hands and knees praying that PTJ doesn't ruin her. Kinda glad she hasn't appeared in a while so she is kept away from his incessant need to turn everyone into a love interest.

Lua Im

Once we got over the odd Johan panels, which I heard the Korean audience didn't like and I'm quite happy about, she's fine. And it's not that I care that much about Johan staying a single dog-dad, I just needed a coherent reasoning/build up why they would be interested in one another.

Lua has potential.

Sourcing intel, even impressing the likes of Gun? A little Muay Thai knowledge? Jake and Jerry scared of her? Lol. Ok. Good. Let's build on this.

Just please don't white knight her.

Crystal Choi (meh)

And Ms. Choi, because anon specifically asked. I really don't mind her? I know she's meant to be anti-Lookism but still judges people based on their looks eh. That's fine. Pretty realistic actually. Whatever.

She can be a bit bitchy for no reason. So can I. Handwaving all that.

What I do take issue with though, is her so called title of Business Genius. Please show me the chapter where she actually does something to earn that title besides the one where other people ooh-ed and aah-ed over her in the meeting with DG.

Wow she's sooooo gorgeous. Ok good for her. If that's the route they're taking her character then at least OWN. THAT. SHIT. Use her beauty and looks to sign deals and get what she wants. GOOD. DO IT.

Zoe Park (also meh... Wait)

Sorry anon, I think 'really well written' is a bit of a reach... She does have some decent character development, starting as quite a flighty, shallow girl and then showing that she has a heart of gold, liking both Daniels and. Huh.

Wait. You're right. She is pretty well written. She's selfless and kind and loyal to her friends, putting up with Logan's bullshit. There's enough of a character arc for her from the Zoe we're introduced to at first.

And I do like that she's good at maths too.

Wasted potential

Minseong Kang (Jake's momma)

Appreciate this is the older generation and from a much more conservative culture. Saying that, I am so over the slighted and bitter housewife rotting at home while her big powerful husband cheats on her.

And then some sort of marriage redemption cos they pop out a kid. Whatever. (Sorry Jake bb, I love you).

If you were going to do that, give me the most toxic red flag shit where they are constantly at each other's THROATS. Show me how they are equals. Can't live with or without one another. That's the good kinda shit.

Leonn Lee

I just. What the fuck was this.

A girl in Burn Knuckles? A group that reeks of testerone and (positive) masculinity? Show us why she joined! Show us why she stays. SURPRISE. Main character trait?? Having a crush on Vasco.

She could have been SO interesting. And she obviously trains, why not get her to fight?

Hate for irrational reasons

Joy Hong

Listen, she's not really in enough or significant enough for me to really feel one way or another about her. BUT. The reason I HATE her is because I was trying to write a headcanon involving everyone and then I got to Joy and I was STUMPED.

Sub in a plank of wood, and it would have the same depth of personality.

Truly. Who is she apart from Jay's sister and a Daniel simp? At least everyone else has something.

Others

I don't really think about them. Sera Shin has potential I guess.

And of course a special mention to Daniel's momma. She's not exactly a unique character, but who doesn't love her?

LET. THEM. FIGHT.

Lastly. Why can't we see women fight? Like the men's fights are realistic LOL. Ultra instinct? Smashing through walls? So why are women fighting men outside the realms of this.

And yes yes. Men are SoOoOoOo strong. But can they take a kick to the balls?

Are you saying Gun Park has been training his dick and balls and would be able to eat a hit there? He wouldn't go down like a heap of shit??

HUH. TELL ME THAT.

In Summary

Mary by and large is pretty well written. Lua has improved.

I don't care much about anyone else.

And I wanna see Gun, Goo, Sammy, Vin etc. get kicked in the balls in a fight.

[reidslovely]

Ok now let us INNNNN on some CEO Peter x reader ! How they meet. What is their dynamic. How they end up together??? Pretty pls pls 🥺🥺

since you said please i guess...

I see them meeting in the lobby of Parker Industries. And because I'm nothing but cliche he's coming on his day off for a client meeting and she's standing in the lobby shuffling through papers obviously lost. He's staring at his Apple Watch and the collide, him sending her towards the floor. He shoots arm out and catches her, staring at her wide eyes as he basically pulls her back to her feet, arm around her stomach as he held her.

"I am so so sorry. I was looking at a message."

"I am so so sorry I was looking at this map and I was.."

They spoke at the same time. Peter's face remained flat but there was a smile in his eyes. He thought she was..gorgeous, he shook his head and cleared his throat.

"You're fine don't worry about it. Can I help you." He pointed at the map of the building in her hands. She nodded looking up at him with big eyes, and handing him the map.

"My mother has a meeting with Mr. Parker over a biotech research for her collarbone damage due to cancer. It's a whole thing, and I'm super late."

"You're in luck because the CEO is also super late to this meeting." Peter chuckled. "Mr. Parker..nice to meet you."

"Oh my god." She says reaching her hand out shaking it. "I'm (y/n) (l/n) nice to meet you...also." she stuttered through her greeting. Peter nodded and handed her map back to her.

"I'll walk with you. Follow me."

I do think that the two have a slight age gap. Peter being around 30-33 and reader being about 25-27. Which makes him kind of skeptical for a bit because Peter's never dated someone younger than him outside of Gwen being a year younger than him and even if it's not by a lot and both are in similar places in life he worries that she'd find him to be old and boring. But she doesn't, she doesn't really pay any mind to the age gap besides teasingly calling him 'old man' here and there in their relationship.

At the start they definitely have a grumpy/sunshine dynamic even if Peter isn't that grumpy he's been out of the dating pool for a few years and he's just kind if skittish which makes him seem grumpy. He's the reason for these big nice parties but he only talks to the people he knows and clients he's built relationships with. She's the one running around greeting people asking if they're having a fun time and he just admires her so much for it. She inspires him and brings him out of his little dark room he's built for himself which helps everyone get to know him a little bit better and see that he's not only a kind person, but also really funny. He's also just so so so soft for her. Peter can be intimidating if needed and he knows how to play that well and when to play it. But whenever she's around he's so soft, it's like all the bad things in his life become muffled. She feels the same about him, she thinks he's the smartest man in the world. She knows he is, and doesn't hesitate to remind him when he is forgetting that himself. As their relationship progresses for Peter he feels like he got a second chance at love, and she feels like she's really fallen in love for the first time.

They start dating pretty quickly actually for Peter being so skittish, Harry gave him a jump in headfirst speech that urged him into asking her to be his girlfriend. And when he did it he felt like that nerdy high school boy again, but when she said yes he knew he made the right decision.

They go on the nicest vacations, he definitely wants to see the world with her. But he also loves just being in their Forest Hills home having domestic moments. He likes the way she'll come into his office while he's working and sit on his lap playing with his hair. His goal is just to spoil his girl, any thing she wants he'd give it to her no matter the cost. If she asked him tomorrow to give up everything and just disappear with her he'd do it, and she'd do it for him.

He also totally gives her a job at Parker Industries let's be real. All she wanted to do was be his assistant/receptionist, and when the spot opened he immediately offered it to her because no one better could keep up with him. And honestly..it's true.

I don't know there is a lot about them, she's gonna need a cute nickname though. I'll get back to y'all on that.

have a ceo!peter coded photo:

[cloudysonder]

On "Daddy Issues"

Ok, I know I'm a bit late to the game here, but I was gathering my thoughts after experiencing episode 5 and 6

Let me preface this with the fact that I am a Hazbin Hotel fan; it's cringe and it's not the best writing in the world, but I love the characters and the concept and the art. I know a lot of people disagree and completely despise it and hey, you do you, but this is a silly little thing I enjoy and think is fun

but oof. episode 5 and 6 were rough, execution-wise. Also worth mentioning that episode 5 followed on the heels of episode 4, which was dealing with a lot of heavy topics and gave Angel a lot of character development very quickly and had a wonderful song and a budding relationship between Husk and Angel that was fantastic, so to get a confusing and overwhelming yet completely inefficient episode (ep 5) and then an episode with SO MUCH HAPPENING that it absolutely bowled you over with plot points and world building that weren't given a single second to breathe was really disappointing. I'll put the meat under a read more, but that's the thesis

this post is just gonna be on episode 5, and I'll make another one on episode 6 bc christ almighty both of them are gonna be long

Episode 5 was something I was really looking forward to-- Of the main cast, Charlie and Vaggie seemed the least intriguing to me (oh, did I say "seemed" past tense? haha! they still most definitely are the least interesting!), and I wanted to see how they would introduce something they've been building up to for a while: Charlie's famed "Daddy issues"!

Turns out, instead of actually keeping it as a point of intrigue for Charlie's character and using it as a point of tension to show that hey, Charlie isn't actually a perfect person, and she's also in pain with the rest of the sinners because her own family relationships are falling apart, they solve it in a single episode. That's right! The long-awaited, complicated, divorced parent and child relationship that twisted Charlie into a validation seeking, people pleasing princess that "wants to fix other people so she doesn't have to deal with her own daddy issues" (quote by Husk) is solved with a charming performance by Jeremy Jordan and a song!

Look, it's no secret I'm a huge fan of Loser, Baby-- I clearly have no qualms with storytelling through song. But you cannot song-plain this one away. We've established over 4 episodes that Charlie and her father have kept in minimal contact for seven years. That's a Long time (don't go trying to be like, oh time to charlie works differently, bc that shit's not established, and everyone in the show still treats seven years like a long time). We know that the last time they called each other was 5 months ago.

"More than Anything," solves basically everything by making the following points

Charlie was inspired by her Dad's dreaming

Lucifer was ashamed of his failures and hid away from her

Lucifer does, however, want so so deeply to know Charlie

Charlie wants to know Lucifer

They love each other <3

these are fine endgame points. Dare I say... good endgame points to arrive at?? But you can't stuff ALL these revelations into a single song and call it a finished relationship arc when they haven't spoken for real in 7 YEARS. Also, making Lucifer so goofy and silly and fun and charming is Not helping the establishment of his character as a self-hating former dreamer who doesn't want his daughter to make the same mistakes he did. It just turns him to tumblr sexyman cute quirky sympathetic never did anything wrong and loves his daughter, completely downplaying his absentee parenting.

You can't have him turn from "I do not care about your life. I do not care about your project. I will not ask about your passions and your dreams. I am already ashamed of my own." to "ur so right bestie!!! dreaming is so slay mama!!! I love you so much you're my little baby girl I love you so much, you're right and I will support you!!!" in the course of a single episode without like.... at least 3 real, in depth conversations happening. The song is beautiful, but you can't poetry your way out of an actual relationship arc.

BUT! But, but but! The fault does not lie completely with Lucifer, but also with Charlie. girl just forgave him??? For everything????? Despite having been so scared to call him at the beginning of the episode? It's very unrealistic for a kid to just accept that a parent loves them apparently so so deeply when they've never seen proof of it in the last idk just spitballing a number here SEVEN YEARS. If you want to make the crux of a failed parent-child relationship miscommunication, you're gonna have to get into the ugly--- the grieving of what you could've had earlier, the wondering why you didn't reach out earlier, the anger at why they've suddenly changed now--- and you're gonna have to explain why the miscommunication went on so long.

sometimes, if you have a pair of completely uncommunicative people, seven years may be reasonable. But Charlie is open about her passions! She's public! She constantly reads about "The Story of Hell" and paints Lucifer in a positive light! And Lucifer is quick to reciprocate any interest Charlie shows in him! He's quick to offer help, to spoil Charlie and show love! (Lucifer's points are two points that make SEVEN YEARS of MINIMAL CONTACT and MISCOMMUNICATION make ZERO SENSE).

additionally, Charlie's lowkey only point of intrigue that was set up (her relationship to Lucifer, the King of Hell) is now just... kapoot. solved. pish posh. now she's a done character.

THEN EXPLAIN WHY I STILL DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HER???? I haven't seen her actually struggle in a way that's not played off as a bit, we don't get a real charlie breakdown monologue, there are no stakes for me as a hazbin hotel viewer to want everything to go well for charlie besides my acab rad leftist ass being like redemption and forgiveness is good and ultimately benefits society

she's fun, she's bubbly, she's kind! but those are all basic things we knew from minute 1 she was on screen. I need to see her struggle. For a main character, she sure as hell doesn't feel main. And I expected better female characters from female writers (feat. in my next post, Vaggie????? What the hell?).

goodnight new york city, you've been great!

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

okay legit question. and i'm eager to have this discussion. can you help me understand why you think that izzy scene was comedic? if it's purely based on those pathetic whimpers he made at the end of the scene, i'm honestly not convinced. god knows i've made pathetic noises like that when i've been genuinely upset about something. yeah that shit's awkward but isn't dismissing the noise as comedic sort of relying in the expectation that drama should be pretty?

and this ask wasn't meant to sound dismissive of your opinion btw, or defensive of izzy. (i love that weird and evil little freak for being a weird and evil little freak and thats all.) i'm just confused as to how that scene could be read that way.

Ok so lets start off with that in season 1 Izzy is not granted like even a shred of sympathy in any similar situation. We've seen this man cry before and when it happened Ed and Stede were making sex noises in the background and there was a jaunty little tune over it. Generally when writers and directors want us to be sympathetic to a character they build an emotional connection to that character and they just haven't done that for Izzy.

But moving onto the scene itself: This is the extended joke set up in season one of the disconnect of treating a pirate ship like workplace with HR. They're having like an intervention for Izzy and using the words "unhealthy relationship" and "toxic" to talk about toe chopping, which is excellent. I know the internet vernacular has kind of made these the go to words but you get how "toxic relationship unhealthy boundary setting" is not generally how television characters talk about stuff like this. Jim and Frenchie are out here using modern therapy words.

Then Archie starts talking about how much Rhino Horn Ed does which is incredible. they could have said he's doing weed, they could have said he's doing opium, they could have said he's doing a more modern drug, ofmd doesn't shy away from that, but instead they went with the most esoteric ye olde Viagra pull ever. Ed's doing fucking RHINO HORN???? Superb.

Then there's the the fact that Izzy clearly hates every second of it. Like these teddy bear capybara friend shaped men (Fang and Frenchie) are just like "hey you ok bro?" to a guy who HATES expressing any emotions so much that he spend like a whole season trying to stop Ed from doing it. Like you can feel how bad he wants to throw himself overboard from embarrassment

Then there's Fang. Dionysus an Emmy for that man. He pats Izzy on the shoulder and then Izzy pushes him away with the weakest I'm fine in history and then he goes in and gives him a hug from behind which is very much reminicent of like a hold a medical professional would use to subdue someone who is a danger to themselves or others without harming them. And then he just starts rocking him

And then there's the actual breakdown itself. I want to preface this with that I understand that in real life you might make some weird noises during a breakdown. But this is not real life. Usually when actors have breakdowns on stage or tv they have to decide what choices they're going to make. You can do a pretty cry, you can go overdramatic and comedic, you can make the audience uncomfortable in a veriety of ways. What Con has chosen here is air being let out of a balloon, He snorts like a pig, he whimpers. You know when you blow up a balloon and you pull the valve tight and it makes a screaming sound. His choice to heem heem whimper is histerical. And then he makes the sound and fang gives out a soft "am I crushing you" as if Fang thinks he's making the noise because of physical discomfort.

and then like everyone else's reactions. They're all so uncomfortable. Fang is like It's all right it's all right while Jim looks to Archie like "are you seeing this?" and Archie looks back and forth between them and then Frenchie is doing this with his face

and then there's the music. My god the music is just the sappiest shit ever over this??? like the whole thing is hillarious. Emmys for all of them

Edit: I forgot the funniest part. This whole thing is this Tweet

[star-quill]

ok but country rockstar!peter who's engaged, but he's not happy. he thought proposing would make everything better, that it would fix things. but it didn't. they're still having problems. but he can't call off the marriage, it's not good for his image. they act all loved up on red carpets and at award shows and everyone just assumes everything's fine. even if he wins an award, he has to act happy, thank his fiancée in the speech and she pretends to be happy for him, but this is just another thing for him to gloat about. they act fine in the cab ride home, but as soon as the door shuts, they're arguing.

arguing about the award, the event, then it turns to arguments about their relationship, the proposal, the engagement, the wedding.

"well is there even going to be a wedding? because if this is life with you, i don't fuckin' want it.."

"this is it.. for life.. you know that.."

"just.. can we stop this and just go to bed, i'm fuckin' exhausted, honey.."

he hasn't called her honey in so long, it felt like a sting at the back of his throat when he said it.

he wakes up the next day to a call from his manager asking to come to the studio. he grumbles and says he'll be there in an hour. when he arrives, he spots you sitting at reception and smiles. he's about to speak to you when his manager walks in.

"hey.. great timing.. needed you to come in and give a tour.. we got a newbie.."

he extends his hand towards you and peter just nods, letting you stand up and walk towards him, shaking his hand and introducing yourself.

"alright.. well.. have at it, i'm in meetings all day so.. i'll see you later, pete.."

peter just nodded, turning to you and smiling. he walked you through the building, showing you the meeting rooms, the recording booths and the editing suites. he kept asking you questions about your music knowledge, your career and most importantly, yourself.

"well i grew up with country music.. then i started singing 'round the house and.. here i am.. it's nice to know i'm on the same record label as you.. got someone i can look up to.."

"you don't wanna look up to me.."

"why not? you're talented, you've got loads of awards, and your fiancée is so pretty.. you've got like, the perfect life.."

"sweetheart.. it ain't perfect.."

you both walked through the building until he made it to the canteen, making the both of you a coffee and taking you to a table to sit for a bit.

"but.. you were like.. so loved up yesterday.."

"yeah.. then came home and had three different arguments.. we fight all the time at home.. that's why i proposed.. i thought it would fix everything.."

"but it didn't.. i'm so sorry.."

"don't be.. we even tried a marriage councillor.. that shit was worse.."

"sometimes people just aren't meant to be.."

"yeah.. anyway.. what about you? you all loved up?"

"me? no.. i did have a boyfriend in 10th grade but.. we broke up after a week.."

"ouch.."

"yeah, well.. boys will be boys.."

he just laughs and smiles.

"men suck.. i'll tell you that.."

you take a sip of your coffee and smile, looking at him while he does the same.

when you both finished your coffees, he walked you back through the building to reception. he turned to you with a smile.

"i haven't got anythin' else i need to do for the rest of the day.. so.. if you need a ride anywhere.. i got my truck.."

"oh.. i was just gonna go home.. if that's ok?"

"absolutely.. c'mon, let me take you home.."

there was just something about him driving that got you riled up. the way his hand gripped the wheel, his other hand tapping along to the beat of the song playing over the radio. you kept getting urges to kiss him but you had to remind yourself he was engaged. even though he had problems at home, you weren't about to be a home wrecker.

he pulled up outside your apartment complex and got out, jogging round to the passenger side and opening your door for you.

"m'lady.."

you just smiled and coughed up a laugh.

"hey.. i'm trying to be gentlemanly.."

"oh is that what that was.."

he just frowned at you and you smiled.

"well, i'll see you another time, hopefully?"

"yeah.. yeah.."

he walked round to his side, watching you go up to your door. he waited a while and then saw you at a window, waving to him. he waved back, smiling before getting into his car and driving back home. he knew there'd be an argument when he got home, but he really couldn't care less. for the first time in his life, he was truly happy. then the realisation hit him. he was happy because of someone else. he feels like he's cheated on his fiancée, not physically, but emotionally. you and peter just clicked so well, he's actually looking forward to seeing you again. for a second he thinks about turning the car around, going back to your place and kissing you, but he couldn't, he shouldn't. now he's parked up outside his house and he realised he never stopped thinking about you the whole drive home.

everything is fine at home for the rest of the day. then he goes to sleep in his own bedroom, having not slept in the same bed as his fiancée since they got engaged. he drifts off to sleep and there you are, looking so pretty. you're flooding every thought he has and he jolts awake, sweat dripping from his body. and he's hard.

shit.

he needs to get laid and he needs to get laid quick. he gets up, throws a t-shirt on and walks across the hall. he's about to knock the door and wake his fiancée up, but he stops himself. he feels himself walking downstairs and out to the front door. then he slips into his car and drives off, back to your place. he walks up to the front door, finds your name and presses the buzzer. he steps back and looks up, seeing your light come on. after a while, you open the main door to him, still looking half asleep.

"it's like.. two in the morning.. are you ok?"

"i need to get laid.."

"what?"

"i.. i had a dream.. about you.."

"pete.. you're engaged.."

"i don't care.."

"we can't do this.."

"but you want to.. i noticed you when i drove you home.. you were itching for it.."

you knew it wasn't right, but now you were dragging him in and up to your apartment, sitting him on your couch before you sunk down onto his lap. your hands cupped his neck as you leaned down and kissed him, feeling his hands slide up under your t-shirt to grip your waist. you felt him smile against your lips and you pulled away, only to be met with a frown.

"why'd you stop?"

"you were smiling.."

"i ain't kissed anyone like that in so long.. felt so good.."

"mmhm?"

"mmhm.."

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 15 thoughts without interludes (interludes need their own post):

EVERYTHING IS FIIIIIIIINE

My daughters boss didn't actually try to assassinate her, her just planned to do it and then did it in one reality but kept the reality where he didn't! So it's ok! I'm fine. Not worried at all that Coil knows Skitter was planning on double crossing him and that he found a way to screw with Tattletales powers.

It's fiiiine (eye twitches)

I want to say I'm glad she got her full team on board, but given that there is a chance someone on her team ratted on her it might not be good.

Skitter goes a little bit far at the end with Triumph. Just a tiny itty bitty bit far. Child you almost KILLED HIM! And then you let him sit there dying when the threat isn't that he'll die now, but that you will come back if needed (mayor ain't going to say what you want him to say if you kill his son, the point is if he doesn't say it you'll come back)! I'm worried about you.

Brian I understand why you like my daughter and she seems to like you and I'm glad having someone you feel safe with is helping you process your very valid trauma (important note, you could have done the same with your sister, she was trying to help you but you wouldn't open up to her, you should open up to her). But please don't get in the way of her relationships with her girlfriends. Just understand in terms of long term stuff Chatterbug and Wolfspider 100% trump . . . Darkbug? Fuck what are you guys called?

(I've been informed Shadeswarm, Nightcrawler, Night Biter, Creepy Crawlies, or Carapace. I think Creepy Crawlies might be my preference among that.)

MOAR DOLL LESBIAN CONTENT!!!!!

Parian is one of my absolute favorite characters! Flechette is pretty cool as well. Being a hero hurts her. Stabbing my daughter also didn't build good marks with me, but I understand why she did it. Cause GAAAAAAAAAAAY. I have a hard time being too mad at a lesbian stabbing someone to protect her girlfriend.

I'm glad Parian isn't joining Coil full hog at least, she's too pure to be a villain (or a "hero"). I kinda wish she could just move to New York and be a fashion designer and live her best life, but I do enjoy the idea of getting to see her more.

And to be honest, I don't think anyone on Earth Bet is really going to be living their best life in the long run. Sorry guys.

The fucking shutdown the team gives to the Nazis is AMAZING! Like ya no Hookwolf or Purity this time, that obviously would have made it harder. But still, comparing the previous fight to this just really shows how much the team has increased in power. They didn't even bring Grue.

Skitter and Tattletale being able to work together to find all the people in a few block radius and figure out which groups are Nazis, all while just standing in the middle of the street, is so fucking cool. I fucking love watching them work.

I don't love the girlfriends fighting with the whole "Skitter wasn't told about the plan to have Regent yoink a Nazi". But they seemed to make up pretty quickly.

Skitter fucking running multiple bug clones, with cameras and microphones, all across her territory, and using them to talk to people and check in on things, WHILE getting surgery on her shoulder??! FUCKING HELL. Like ok yes, please love yourself child and let yourself take it easy sometimes. But also holy shit that is so god damn amazing. I am 100% convinced (I mean, I have been since like Arc 4 TBH) that she uses her bugs to basically offload her pain. Or offloads her mind to her bugs so she can ignore the pain in her body. Same idea. Like even if it's never confirmed it is true to me. And the multitasking! Give Taylor a Thinker classification!!

Just fucking attacking the mayor's family to intimidate him into telling people in Washington to not condemn Brockton Bay huh? I mean sure it kinda worked at the end (assuming he does what he said he would) but it really seems like a terrible plan. Like, the people in Washington are gonna hear about the attack and wonder about everything the mayor says. But fine, that's the plan.

Skitter making the bug clones complex enough that Trickster and Genesis don't even notice she's a clone at first is super cool! Also it does drive home that she is always just covered with so many bugs and using swarm speech so much that when a version of her shows up that is completely covered in bugs and speaks fully with swarm speech it doesn't throw anyone off.

Coil had to know that Triumph was the mayor's kid. The fact that he's the one who pushed to have them attack during family dinner.

I'm really proud of Skitter for figuring it out though! I pegged him as a cape pretty much right away and was able to figure out it was Triumph not long after, but she was in the heat of the moment. Also she got the girlfriend pegged as a either Prism or Ursa while I was still uncertain if she was a cape.

Holy shit that fight was so fucking cinematic! Perfectly built for Triumph to look cool by exploding bug clones with his shouts. And with Prism splitting and combining constantly. Just fuck. I'd love to see an animation of that fight. It was super cool.

And again, Skitter got dark there. And sadly I'm worried she's gonna get darker.

[sunshine-for-serotonin]

Can I get Headcannons of Erik with a voice kink, auralism, or scent kink please, Mlle. Sunshine? Thank youuuuu!!!

Why not all three? This is cannon now in my opinion-

Warnings: yandere Erik, stalking, male masturbation, desperate Erik, clothes stealing, general kinkiness, unestablished relationship shenanigans, Erik’s mommy kink makes a brief appearance, I think that’s it

VOICE KINK

Let’s start off with the voice kink aspect, shall we?

Erik loves your voice no matter what! It’s so uniquely you, he finds it addictive to listen to you talk about anything and everything.

Come up behind him and speak into his ear. Watch Erik squirm, trying not to give away the fact you turned him on and how his pants feel unbearably tight.

He’s embarrassed to admit that even just you saying “yes?” In a certain way is enough to make him needy for you.

Call yourself mommy for any reason and he’s coming undone, the poor man can’t handle how sultry your voice is and you’re just feeding into his fantasies at this point.

You could literally just read a dictionary out loud and Erik’s curled up with you mentally ranting about how much he loves you and your voice while looking up at you like you hung the stars.

We already know Erik likes pet names, but have I ever told you his reaction when you first called him sugar in a teasing tone? No? Ok-

I N S T A N T T U R N O N

Erik had to excuse himself saying he forgot something somewhere and that it may take him a few minutes to find it. His actual reason? He had a raging boner.

Erik locked himself in his chambers and started pumping himself like his life depended on it, the sound of your voice overwhelmingly seductive in Erik’s mind. Biting down on his hand to keep gasps and moans from escaping his mouth, rhythmic wet sounds filled the room as precum was smeared up and down Erik’s cock, only halting as your voice echoed through his door.

“Erik, sugar, are you ok?”

Oh God- Erik knew continuing while you were right outside the door was risky at best, but he couldn’t deny the throbbing heat in his cock as you called for him so sweetly.

“O-Oui, yes, I am w-well!”

Slowly, Erik resumed making twisting strokes around his dick, doing his best to muffle any sounds he made and swiping his thumb across the slit of his tip every so often as his climax started to build once more.

“Are you so sure, sugar? I can help you if you need it.”

Erik knew you weren’t talking about his current ‘situation’, but God- did he wish you were. Your voice sounded so alluring when you called him sugar, and Erik wanted nothing more than to let you in and let you do with him whatever you pleased.

Letting out a shaky reply, Erik listened as your footsteps faded from his door before going absolutely feral, shoving his fingers into his mouth to suck on and once again stroking himself rapidly.

So yeah- Erik really, really, likes your voice, and that’s just one of an uncountable number of times he’s cum to the sound of you. AURALISM

Auralism is next!!! WARNING: Erik watches you having solo sexy time without your knowledge!

Erik honestly discovered this kink by accident. He was really missing you, but when he had asked you to come visit him you politely yet firmly told Erik to wait about an hour.

Erik is nothing if not impatient when it comes to his time with you, he needs to be with you during his every waking moment, even if you’re not aware of it.

Erik watched from the shadows as you stole away to your room, your fingers massaging your neck to try and relieve some of the pain in the stiff muscles, something Erik would be more than happy to do for you if given the chance, he thought to himself.

From his passage way inside your rooms mirror, Erik let out a gasp and his face turned red as you began to strip before him.

While Erik was thankful for the view you were giving him, he was puzzled. You had been wearing clothes that were fine for visiting in and it certainly wouldn’t have taken you an hour to put on new ones, but the realization hit him like the sky fell on him as you laid your nude form onto your bed.

Oh. Oh. Erik was all too aware that his pulse was dangerously high and that his blood was violently thrumming beneath the surface of his skin further down, begging for him too touch himself.

His eyes were glued to your frame as Erik took himself out of his pants doing his best to be quiet and avoid your detection, only for you to get up and blow out most of the candles in your room.

Erik felt like he was on the verge of a meltdown as darkness obscured his vision of you, that was until he realized how much better he could hear you.

Every little breath sent shivers down Erik’s body, and you hadn’t even truly started touching yourself yet. He could hear you lay back on your bed as Erik’s hand instinctively traveled lower, a small whimper leaving his throat as he traced his tip with featherlight touches.

And then it started. Erik listened as your hand traced the curves of your body, the sound of your skin igniting all the erectile tissue in Erik’s body.

He felt his eyes flutter closed as he gripped himself fully and bit his lip, slowly moving his hand up and down with the image of you in his head.

If the sound of you tracing your skin was having such a profound effect on Erik, the sound of you beginning to gasp and moan was nothing other than heavenly. Desperately slapping a hand over his mouth Erik started to time his hand in sync with every vocalization you made, fantasizing that it was him making you feel so good.

Focusing his hearing even more if possible, Erik picked up on the final noise he needed to push him over the edge. Goosebumps rose on his skin and he flushed further as Erik picked up on the wet, lewd, sounds of you fingering yourself.

A chorus of ‘ah!’s And ‘mhmm!’s were muffled behind Erik’s palm as his orgasm rocked his body, tears leaving his eyes at the sheer amount of pleasure.

Embarrassed and ashamed after, but now he’s figured out that your sounds take his pleasure to another level, so this will not be just a one time experience.

Eriks favorite sound is definitely a tie between your moans and any wet noise you make.

SCENT KINK

Oh boy-

Erik is admittedly gross with the extent he enjoys your scent.

To the point where he has to keep a pair of your dirty underwear on him or he gets anxious because he can’t smell you.

Erik steals your perfume, clothes, pillows, even things like your hairbrush, just so he can enjoy himself and assuage his negative emotions when they get too volatile.

He gets off while holding your underwear to his face ninety-five percent of the time, and he will wear your clothes no matter how badly they fit him.

Because of how often he masturbates with things that smell like you, Erik actually begins to develop a bit of a Pavlov response. What I mean by that is now whenever he catches your scent, he gets aroused. On that note, since most of Erik ‘sessions’ have drawn out imagines of him eating you out, he starts to salivate and needs something to put in his mouth to hold him over.

Hold Erik over to what exactly? Hold him over until he’s alone and he can put your underwear in his mouth sucking like his life depends on it and his hips rolling into the air desperately seeking friction.

Is definitely one to sneak into your room when you aren’t around so he can bask in being surrounded by things that smell like you, letting out happy little hums all the while.

Stole your sheets one day and replaced them with his own, leaving a note to make you think that your room was just cleaned by management. Eriks on cloud nine, this does lead to him having frequent wet dreams about you, however. Not that he’s complaining-

———————————————————————————

@sloppyzengarden

Thats all for now darlings! Enjoy!!!

[handkinkbis]

Show review: Destined with You.

So.... I might be in the minority, but as much as I enjoy Rowoon on screen I didn't start watching the show for him.

I was hoping for a witch/shaman Hongjo kdrama to finish near the eve of Halloween as the show seemed to be promising (very logically it seemed to be heading that way!). And she did cast some spells to my pleasure, but to my massive displeasure her witch arc was entirely forgotten about in favor of... not even sure what that kidnapping sequence was all about. Somehow most of Hongjo's agency as a character vanished into the ether as well during the past few episodes. Her character growth consisted of building the confidence to stand up to Nayeon, but her stubborn self reliance fueled by a lifetime of loneliness and trauma (her mother! Her father!!!!) stayed and was left unaddressed. And not to be dramatic, but I might die mad about it.

So past lifes were real, the curses and spells were real, Aengcho was really a shaman and the Gardener for whatever reason (also unexplored) wanted to marry Hongjo in the next life. But Hongjo in current day went from a strong, feisty character who was ready to spell cast her way in and out of trouble into... someone to intentionally get herself kidnapped??

It's like this show was written in the 2000s to early 2010s AND it hated women. I had high hopes for Ms. Ma, Shinyu's mother and Eunwol, but they were done DIRTY by this show. Hongjo's storyline was forgotten. Aengcho got relatively less attention compared to Mujin/Rowoon. It's like the main character changed somewhere and it became Shinyu/Mujin. Shinyu and Jaekyung had their cool lawyer moments (good stuff) and Hongjo got... Nayeon arrested? Nayeon, who was another villain without a proper depth or motivation other than being a 2010s kdrama era Mean Girl. Again, Hongjo and Aengcho were done so dirty. Even Shinyu's poor abused mother went back to her abusive husband AND she got pregnant. That was just tragic!

And kindly don't try to tell me that my reasons to dislike this show are wrong - I've every right to review and hate how badly this show butchered the stories of the female characters in this show even if Rowoon was hot in a bunch of scenes like that's going to compensate for it. I am not a Rowoon stan. 🤷‍♀️ I like him just fine, but it's been frustrating to watch as a non-stan since some stans seem to take any critique of the show as a slight towards Rowoon himself. But he has nothing to do with the writing, so put down your pitchforks, ok.

They should've stuck with the office romcom or made the show into a sageuk and dropped the false advertising of the show as a magic/fantasy drama. The sageuk era episodes SLAPPED. They were tense, beautifully shot and interesting, Aengcho had her moment! I LOVED her in her faceoff with the King, she was powerful and terrifying in that. And as soon as I fell in love with her, Mujin killed Aengcho (in a very meta symbolic way) and that was that. The show itself killed Aengcho and Hongjo.

This show was written to give Rowoon his cool and sexy moments. This was the Rowoon fan service show. Which is fine, but LEAD with that info then. I did enjoy Hongjo and Shinyu together and there were a couple of fun or emotionally compelling episodes, but I didn't finish with positive feelings about the show unfortunately because of the finale.

The writing of the show was exceptionally uneven and erratic. It seemed like from a different decade, but not this one. The relationship between Hongjo and Shinyu was mostly wholesome, but not always the healthiest for several reasons. Shinyu didn't always treat Hongjo well (and vice versa) and he made some decisions for Hongjo in true 2010s kdrama patriarch style.

Hongjo&Shinyu get 7/10 for being adorable and lovable. Loved their relationship development very much. I'm glad they didn't rush to have kids or to marry. The proposal at the beach while addressing Hongjo's dad was endearing.

Plot gets a 3/10 rating. There was potential... and it slipped through the writer's fingers. Loose threads were left untied. Side plots were abandoned or seemingly forgotten about.

Would I rewatch again? Maybe once I stop fuming about how Hongjo was treated by the show, but just for the Shinhong scenes. But it'll take some wound licking and fixit fic writing.

Please universe, give Boah better scripts. She's a wonderful actress and she deserves a role that's cool and that lets her showcase her talent. Many viewers seemed to lose their patience with her, even though the writing of the show was the true issue.

[poetoflawed]

Family Man

Part 1 Word count: 947 Ok so this post is based on this previous idea I had Pls do not plagiarize Beware of Google Translate lol

3rd POV Rafeal and Y/n make their way through the airport. Y/n turns to Rafeal, “Do you really have to go?” She knows the answer. They’ve talked about this extensively. “Mi amor que estás haciendo ahora? You know I have to. This is for both of us.” He holds her face in his hands, “I have to become someone, someone worthy of you. Someone who makes a difference. Por favor entiende mi amor.” She pulls her face away, “But por qué? I know this is what you want, what you need. But why can’t you stay. Stay here with me. I’m sorry, I know i’m being selfish, but i love you.” “Don’t worry. We got this. te amo completamente.” He looks in her eyes reassuringly, picks up his duffle and moves towards the gate.

13 years later … Rafeal is a lawyer. The esteemed A.D.A Rafael Barba. The A.D.A who works with NYPD’s SVU unit. He lives a somewhat glamorous life of suits and ties. He is a man known to be notorious for being so busy his personal life is almost non existent. He is a bachelor, living a high stress busy life. One so full, relationships past the occasional hook up, are not likely. A recent case having pulled him resulted in him ordering an emergency meeting on Christmas Day, with the NYPD detectives. As the holidays progress, while going over case notes, he gets a message to contact Y/n, but, even though he remembers her, he ignores it and does not return her call.

Rafael’s POV

This case is gonna be the death of me. Hijo de puta, I’m late. My mind is full and racing. This case needs to go well, this woman, this victim. This never should have happened, and I need to help. I barely notice when I make it to the little convenience store near my building. Needing to pick up some milk I make my way inside, as I'm looking through the aisles I hear a commotion at the cash.

“I'm not gonna cash it man. It's fake!” “NO it Ain’t! Cash the fuckin ticked asshole!” “NO” “Oh yeah?” the man pulls out a handgun and my eyes widen a little “Wait!” The fuck are you doing i think to myself as the man turns to me gun at his side, “How much is the ticket worth-” I notice his face getting more irritated, “I-I’lll buy it off you.” I show the three hundred dollar bills in my hand, “Seriously, take it and cut your losses man. This isn't worth a record.” He stashes his gun back in his coat, grabs the bills from my hand, and throws the ticket on the counter as he turns out of the store. I stood there for a minute and let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. I make my way outside catching up to the man from before, “Here,” I hand him a prepackaged sandwich, “I have a feeling you might want this. Do you have anywhere to go?” “I'm fine man. Leave me alone.” “Are you sure?” I might be a cynic but I still wanna help people. “Lemme ask you something man,what's missing from your life! Think about that!” “I have everything I need already.” I say, baffled. The man looks at me, annoyed and just turns on his heel and starts stalking away down the street. Baffled, I return to my penthouse and sleep.

The golden rays of sunshine hit my eyes suddenly, and then i realize its Christmas day again. I realize there's breathing coming from next to me. I roll over and am met with the (still) beautiful sleeping face of Y/n. My eyes widen and I sit up, as i'm sitting in bed confused, with my breath picking up, I see a child, a young girl, staring at me from the door to the room.

“Papi, can you make me some food please?”

I sit there baffled, Y/n slowly wakes up, “Mmmhmmm what's up baby?” she's asking, slowly waking up. As she slowly sits up in bed my confusion intensifies as I look at her, the girl I left my first year at Harvard, sitting in a bed I've never seen, pregnant. With what appears to be the second child. I look from the woman to the girl, throwing myself from the bed, “Raf?” “Papi?” As I sprint downstairs, I search for some keys as my head swims.

What the actual fuck is happening right now????

As I run outside I realize i'm not in New york anymore but rather suburban New Jersey. As I drive frantically back to the precinct I make my way inside, desperate and only in my pajamas and winter coat, I walk up to the front desk. “Jenny, I need benson.” i’m panting and confusion flashes in my eye when she frowns at me, “And who are you sir?” “Jenny… what… you know me…” my brows crease. “Sir how do you know my name?” she asks nervously. My confusion turns to anger now, “Jenny i was at your baby shower a year ago, your sons name is Grant, he went through a phase where he only ate cheese. Please, PLEASE. You know me!” Her eyes are wide now, fear evident. Slowly she reaches for the phone on her desk “Ok sir,” She nods over to a uniform and nudges my way “this is officer Kapal, he’ll show you to a room where you can wait for the detective.” “Thank you, finally” i let out a breath of air, and follow the officer to one of the rooms.

[trans-axolotl]

hi, I really like your blog and your antipsych thoughts have been very helpful to me. i hope this is ok to ask for advice (sorry i have brain fog and this question is vague)? i think i'm looking for 'unconventional' advice or suggestions, the kind that someone in the psych system would not necessarily recommend to me.

i have had a bad history with therapy, but i very much need some kind of mental support that i am not getting otherwise in my life (issues like CPTSD, DID, among other things). im in a position where i /can/ go to therapy, and i've been with a therapist that specializes in the things that are causing me the most problems for a year and theyre fine (i.e. has not ever helped me figure out anything about how to improve my life but has been someone who can perscribe me stuff, and hasn't done anything actively harmful to me like other therapists and psychiatrists have), but going is so upsetting for some reason (maybe because the therapy environment has been so bad in the past?) and not at all helpful. it's useful for me to have a relationship to a psychiatrist/therapist for medication and other 'navigating the system' reasons, but it's absolutely unhelpful. i am very frustrated and disillusioned with the whole concept of 'therapy' in general (maybe due to my history)!! but i don't know how else to get help!

it's harder because of the brain fog. i also feel very isolated partially because i'm in a not great environment, and partially because i have multiple mental illnesses in addition to not being a very nice person. i have felt really let down by supposed friends i've come to for help who just said therapy speak stuff like 'you should get help....' and 'sorry i don't have the emotional bandwidth to help <3' and stuff like that. it really makes me feel like i'm too messed up to be able to ask for help from regular people and i have to go to the psych industry but of course i've already been failed by them too :(

hey anon!

I think what you've said makes so much sense. I feel like we're so often told "go get help" but when we do try to seek support, it isn't as simple as just going and easily finding a therapist who is able to provide all the support and care we need. It can be so hard to find and pay for therapy in the first place, harder still to find someone who specializes in a therapy style to meet our needs, and sometimes we might not just be in a place in our life where we are in an environment that allows us to do in depth therapy work. And I just want to say that it isn't your fault if therapy isn't meeting your needs right now--that doesn't mean that you're failing at therapy. You absolutely aren't alone in feeling dissatisfied with therapy and wanting other options.

For me, what's helped when I've been considering making changes about how I approach my mental health has first been sitting down and really taking a thorough look at what things are working and what things aren't working. It seems like you've done a lot of that already--you know that it's helpful to have a therapeutic relationship to get meds and for help in the system, you know that the therapy environment hasn't been particuarly helpful for other types of healing work, and it seems like another thing you're thinking about is how to get mental support from your friends and other people in your everyday life. I think those are really good starting places to consider where you want to go from here. It might be helpful to make a list of what feels like priorities to focus on right now--do you want to develop more skills for navigating crisis? Do you want to focus on changing your relationship with dissociation? harm reduction for self destructive behaviors? building resilience and cultivating relationships in your life? There's no right or wrong answers here--you're going to be the expert on what feels most important right now.

I also just want to say that I think it's really shitty when we're made to feel like we're too crazy or too needy or too messed up to be able to be cared for and supported in our community. I've definitely had people tell me that, and it really hurts and makes me feel hopeless, like I'm always going to be struggling and that there's no chance that I'll be able to get better. But fuck that. We deserve to have meaningful connections in our community, access to resources that help us, and to be able to build resilient relationships where getting emotional support isn't considered an unmanageable burden, even if we're mad/mentally ill/ neurodivergent. I'm sorry that you haven't been able to rely on your friends and community that way, although I know it's hard when everyone we know is struggling and people don't have the energy or skills or knowledge to be able to help each other.

This is getting long, so I'm just going to list off a ton of random tips and suggestions, and I hope some of them might resonate with you.

Join a peer support group aligned with antipsych values. Hearing Voices Network, Alternatives to Suicide with the Wildflower alliance, Multiplied by One, FEDUP trans/intersex eating disorder support groups are all great options.

harm reduction! this can be especially applicable for self-destructive behaviors, but just in general moving outside of an "abstinence-only model." working to understand your actions on a spectrum of totally chaotic, unmanaged behaviors to more managed, intentional relationships with those behaviors. embracing any positive change as an important step instead of self-blame and all-or-nothing thinking.

Trying to think of the best way to describe what I'm thinking here, so I might not have the best phrasing. But basically, spending time separating your ideas for what wellbeing and quality of life look like for you from the psychiatric system's ideas of what a "normal," "healthly," quality of life looks like. For me, this looked like realizing that I wasn't actually interested in getting rid of all my hallucinations, but instead I just wanted to lessen the distress I experienced and find a way to hallucinate without panicking. So I guess just in general--really exploring what is actually important to you for your wellbeing and not limiting yourself to mainstream definitions of "recovery."

Unconventional coping skills, or coping skills that traditional psychiatry deems "risky." I've talked with some people who things like getting tattoos and piercings are actually incredibly healing for them, and are an important part of their "therapeutic" journey. Not going to go into detail or promote other "risky" coping skills on Tumblr lmao, but more just say that it's okay if there's things that therapists view as risky that you might have another perspective on how it fits into your personal healing.

Building up your and your loved ones capacity for community care. This can be a really hard one, because I know it always frustrated me when I would see people talking online about how great things like care webs or the power of peer support when I just didn't have any of that in my physical everyday life. So I'm not just going to put this here like it's a magical solution or something that's easy to accomplish. It's something that can take a ton of work and we're allowed to be frustrated about that. I think one strategy that helped me with this was spending a lot of time building my own understanding of my own capacity to help, my own needs, and what ways I would like to be cared for. That helped me start small, just by having conversations with my loved ones when I wasn't in crisis and saying "Hey, this is how I would like things to go when I'm in crisis. This is something that helps me when I'm hallucinating. This is a way you could let me know that you can't support me tonight but still leaves room for us to have connection. This is how I can help you. Let's talk openly together and develop and practice how we want to care for each other." Starting with just one person and one conversation really went a long way for me in terms of eventually building up an actual support network and for me was super instrumental in healing work.

Setting out an hour a week that's my "self therapizing time." just using one hour a week to look up new resources, try out new skills, journal, do self-inquiry, participate in activism, do something that brings me joy, read something new about mental health, literally anything that feels intentional in that hour. trying out a lot of new things and quitting a lot of new things!

Incorporating your physical needs. I'm sure we've heard a million times things like "get sleep, nourish yourself, go outside," and all that is great but often feels fucking impossible when we're mentally doing not great. but I guess just saying it can be good to be aware of how our physical body impacts our mental health in other ways. things like trying to get our sensory needs met, embracing movement that feels good + making space for rest, embracing things that bring our physical body pleasure whether that's tasty food, sex or other kinds of physical intimacy with other people, if it's using substances in a way that feels helpful or joyful or fun--anything really!

Here's a bunch of random orgs and resources that I have found helpful: Fireweed Collective, Wildflower Alliance, Project LETS, Mapping our Madness, Mad Survival Tools, Organizing Guide for Psychiatric Survivors, MindFreedom Resources, Multiplied by one (I can't personally vouch because I haven't been to their groups, but I have a friend with DID who attends these groups and had positive things to say about them.)

I'd also add on this book: "Psychosis, Dissociation, and Trauma: Evolving perspectives on Severe Psychopathology" although I do want to give a warning that this book is a heavy academic text that has a lot of clinical and stigmatizing language. For me, it had some helpful information that helped me make connections between my experiences of trauma, dissociation, and psychosis, but I would not recommend reading it unless you feel like you're in the right headspace and can deal with wading through a lot of the psychiatric narrative.

These are all just some things that sometimes work for me, so please feel free to disregard anything that doesn't resonate with you. I'd also love it if followers could add on with any tips, resources, any "unconventional" advice!

thanks for reaching out, anon, and I hope you have a good night 💜

[onlyjaeyun]

Zadie oh my GAWSH!!!

Ok so full disclosure I read this right away but life was like 🤪💥❗️busy for a minute and I wanted to wait till I had the brain power to give this MAGNIFICENT chapter the love it deserved. I’m gonna have to do this in two asks because I have like two different analysis threads in my head and I’m about to talk too much.

First of all. I have said it so many times but you really know HOW to write E2L intimacy. Every aspect of their relationship and encounters (sexual and otherwise) is/are just so perfectly BALANCED between the anger and the desire. It’s beautiful. And it is not easy to do. So many people really try and miss the mark but you NAIL it every time and it’s so incredibly satisfying. (I have read this chapter 3 times.)

I KNEW one of the boys was gonna get drunk and slip up I JUST KNEW IT. And I loved her reaction to finding out. The shock. The gratitude. The curiosity. Just fabulous.

The hints through the chapter that they are less able to fight that pull toward one another… Oh my gosh. I was swooning over the kitten part. AND SHE SMILED CAUSE HE LAUGHED MY HEART JUST BLEW AWAY I WAS HOPING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS And like… SOMEBODY has to have noticed that they keep STARING at each other so much. Maybe not yet but they are getting really obvious about it. Love that for them.

OK SO NOT THE REVEAL THAT THEY WERE SEXTING AND SENDING NAUGHTY MEDIA. I would be VERY interested to see ANY of that. Bonus chapter someday maybe? That would be WILD.

But ok so this was a monumental encounter for them and it’s almost too much for me to go into. Because there is just a WEALTH of things that are revealed and touched on and it’s absolutely earth shattering. And I’m gonna talk all about it in my other ask 🫣

Also…I have said it so many times. Sunghoon cannot bear to see her in pain and no matter how he justifies it, the urge to help her—to build her up—always comes out. He can’t stop himself. He is fine to hurt her himself (though only really with his words) but he cannot bear when other people do. Like he can’t take it. I think that is the fastest way to get to him—through her. And I wonder if his brother or perhaps his father…did get to him that way. I don’t know why…but I am suspicious…

ANNNYWayS this was incredible! So in awe of your talent and so so so SO insanely grateful that you continue to share with us!

MY SWEETEST LOVE!!!!🥺💗 when i tell you i've literally been rereading this and the following ask so many times bc i just love love LOVE your way with words, i wouldn't even be exaggerating. you sent them yesterday and i just keep going back to them bc it's so mesmerizing to see my characters and storylines from your pov and you always have such an amazing way with words and always know what to say, i will never not giggle and kick my feet bc of your ask. i wish i had the time to actually go into every single one of your paragraphs but unfortunately i cant and yet i hope yoj know what they mean to me. i love and appreciate the time and effort you put into these asks, thank you so, so much 🥺💗🩷🫧

[waterparksdrama]

double dare plz..

ask and you shall receive

hawaii (stay awake) - really sets the scene for the album. an upbeat pop punk song that shows off what parx does best; electronic infused pop punk that stays fresh with the equally interesting lyrics that compliment it. the song lyrically follows awsten dealing with his daily troubles but having someone to look forward to being with despite it all. really establishes the major themes of the album right from the get go in one catchy package. 7/10

gloom boys - probably the leader of the recurring theme in parx songs of "this song sounds happy but it's actually really fucked and sad ooOOOoooOOo i am the joker but an emoscene lead singer". even if that is the song's legacy for the rest of their discography, it's still a very fun song regardless. lyrically, it uses a lot of ironic imagery in its verses about how he only writes when he's sad like every other artist before going into the chorus, asking (maybe to himself, maybe to someone else) why they're so "cold" and "scared to be alone" in contrast to the more darkly playful nature of the verses. that bridge will forever be iconiccccc. 7/10

stupid for you - she is That song... probably the most well known parx song of all time what else is there to say. it's fun, it's catchy, it's smartly written both instrumentally and lyrically like c'mon it's a good ass song. to be fair there's some mild foreshadowing to the reason for the downfall of their relationship in this song already but "you're playing ring around my head / i wear you like a halo"????? c'mon this is some good shit. i love it. 7/10

royal - FUCK YEAH ROYAL. another song about feeling like he's failing to live up to expectations, both in his work and his personal relationships and wishing how those problems would just Go Away. like fuckkkkkkkkk this song hits hard. like the way it just builds up to these really cathartic big choruses really does it for me along with the subject matter. "you won't like what you see, so keep your eyes off of me / i fall in love with everything that wants nothing to do with me" you could shoot me in the face and it'd hurt less than this 8/10

take her to the moon - ok i'll admit i wasn't really a fan of this until i did a dance warmup to it and now i do LOL. the song instrumentally is the most pop sounding they've been up to this point with clear influences from owl city and early breathe carolina and hellogoodbye. lyrically, it's another well written love song using the space and beyond theming of the title specifically in the bridge's imagery with "yeah, you cloud my head, but can you really get lost in heaven?" showing the rose colored view of awsten for this person. again, foreshadowing, but it's a good ass song i can see why awsten loves it so much. 7/10

made in america - i don't get why people don't like this song it's a perfectly fine song both instrumentally and lyrically lol. from how i interpret it, it's a critique on the hypocrisy of american consumerism specifically in the ~pop punk scene~ for context during awsten's time growing up there was the rise of that sort of "this band saved my life" sentiment and non profits that would fundraise for charity (to write love on her arms specifically for their shirts and the keep a breast foundation with the infamous i heart boobies rubber wristbands). most people in the scene would wear these as trends without really caring about the causes they were for (hence "we're justice warriors when we're bored, you see? / buying bracelets and then channeling"). not to mention the glamorization of band guys' lifestyles they sell to kids who wish to be just like them without realizing they're phonies ("it's basically tradition / to lust for what you're missing / they're selling you a touched up name"). awsten points out the hypocrisy of both the bands and fans who buy into the romanticized band guy image or the causes they "support" that just end up being a fashion statement at the end of the day. honestly this commentary still holds up pretty well especially today when the prioritization of aesthetics over understanding subcultures seems to be fairly prevalent. 7/10

dizzy - a song about growing up into early adulthood, growing distant from the people you once knew, and dealing with depression all through it. pretty self explanatory, the song itself slows down much like the lyrical themes of this song. what else can i say man, it kinda hits for me stop being relatable to me pre los angeles awsten goddamn. final thoughts on this? i like the hidden vocals in the second pre chorus where awsten sings that he does wanna talk and think about all of this, though he sounds quiet and morose saying it out loud. you can hear that better in this post if you want. 8/10

powerless - again i think shooting me in the face would hurt less than this song. a head over heels love song with some subtle foreshadowing again about trying to keep a long distance relationship alive. this song is so devastatingly earnest and hopeful that i need to be stabbed. is that the best way to explain this bc this is me saying the song is really good and makes me emotional and incredibly sad from knowing how this ended up. 9/10

little violence - a song critiquing the rock music scene, specifically his band guy peers that only want to be friends now that parx is signed and making it and the music critics specifically on rock sites like absolutepunk that won't like them for heading in the more pop direction they've been shooting for. it's essentially just "fuck you: the song" and awsten being tired of all of it. the bridge itself takes a break from these shots fired though, since when he's with the person he loves, he seems to calm down about all this at least for a second. the instrumental itself carries the themes of these lyrics, with more punky riffs that still has the classic parx electronics complimenting their sound. 7/10

21 questions - another devastating foreshadowing relationship song has hit the towers. a song that starts as acoustic but builds into a full band song about awsten starting a relationship with a girl who cheats on her prior relationship to be with him and his fears of the same thing happening to him. oh god. yeah this hurts. hindsight is 20/20 and all that. the outro especially kills me "i'll forget you if you need me to, like nothing ever happened / my sun still sets without you, like nothing ever happened" please shoot me in the face it will hurt less 8/10

it follows - a song about awsten's emotions about this relationship, how he knows that he's not thinking straight with this person and how he can't think of anything else without them. if we're to believe the title refers to the horror movie of the same name, awsten feels cursed in relationships, making him nervous for this one despite how head over heels he is. i like how the guitars sort of tremble and stutter like a nervous thought before kicking into these large choruses in tandem with the lyrics. 9/10

plum island - a sort of stream of consciousness from awsten going from topics such as critiques of parx's new direction soundwise to his breakup and feeling shitty all throughout it, the chorus seeming to talk to the listener and playing into the "brooding band guy" thing and the last choruses taking solace in someone despite it all. god it's just an interesting song in general, the sort of lack of an actual chorus until the end and the sort of edm like drop that's used for most of the song with the chopped and mixed vocals of "lose your mind". not to mention those iconic drums at the beginning especially when you consider *waves hand* uh. the subjects of this song. 9/10

i'll always be around - lemme reiterate that when i react to a parx song and i say "i need to be shot" that means the song is good. this is one of the songs making me react like that. sonically, it has all the hallmarks of your regular, heartbreaking parx song with its electronics and devastating lyrics, and hopeful nature despite knowing something bad will happen. a song of awsten promising to be faithful to someone that in later performances got turned into a song about always being around for geoff and otto T___T i am going to put a gun in my mouth and blow my brains up /pos i love friendship i love love i'm dying to be your everything 9/10

candy - y'all know i gotta do the bonus tracks c'mon. this song is the most pop punk they've been while still have those parx certified electronic bits. this literally sounds like it could've been in a 2000s teen movie. hell, this sounds like if an old all time low song was good let's just admit that. lyrically, the song is about lessening your problems by sugarcoating them, which is what the song does by contrasting awsten's daily worries with the upbeat guitars. it's fun idgaf. 8/10

what we do for fun - Literally The Parx Song Of All Time. what the fuck. jaw dropped on the floor at some of this oh my god. less of a love song, more of an obsession song, mostly about sex. why did awsten bother writing about sex after this; it's articulate, mostly subtle, sexy yet playful like hello, "worshipping you from the darkest of corners like i'm practicing my own private religion" IF YOU WROTE THIS KINDA SHIT ABOUT ME I WOULD MARRY YOU ON THE SPOT. AWSTEN YOU DID NOT HAVE TO WRITE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY WHEN YOU WROTE THIS. instrumentally, it's a drum heavy song much like plum island and yeah i can't say anything more what the fuck this song is so good i need to blow something up. 10/10

all in all, double dare is such a classic. from the instrumentals to the lyrics, it's all so emotionally earnest it makes you want to pick up the nearest sharp object and sink it into your chest when you realize what happened like immediately after this album. it's such a good album and establishes a lot about parx.

-iz

[sorroute]

Hello there! I think this is the first time I ever interact with you and your blog and I'm very happy to be part of your event. It is nice to meet you!💐🍫

I would like a BSD match-up, with an adult male character, please. I am an adult, straight female (25, NSFW hcs are fine), working hard (and suffering) to become a doctor. My dream is to work in ER or ICU, since I am willing to help others and I think that the best possible way to help them is during a life or death situation and I feel motivated to sacrifice my nights and youth for them.

I consider myself a positive and strong willed person and I enjoy surrounding myself with people. Usually it is a little difficult for me to get to know new people, but once I become familiar with them, I am less cautious and more open and friendly with them. I like to joke around a lot and I can't stand working on a fixed program, which is why I'm looking for an exciting and fast-paced job.

Sometimes I struggle with self-worth problems and, unfortunately, I don't have someone close to me to vent to and hear some encouraging words, but I try to give myself a pep talk and hope that it will work out on the long run. Because of this, I learned to rely on myself most of the time and I find it challenging to be vulnerable in front of others.

Appearance wise, I am quite tall compared to others (187 cm/ 6'2), but I've never considered it a negative trait, on the contrary, I think that I gain more respect because of my height. I'm a brunette, with olive skin tone, long curly brown hair with red undertones, big brown eyes, that are expressive and a slim, almost athletic build. I have some laughter lines from smiling too often, but I've never been bothered by them.

And for fashion preferences, I like casual-formal outfits (turtlenecks, jeans, overcoats, ankle boots) and my preffered colours are usually black, green, red or different shades of grey. I like to wear light makeup (nude eyeshadow and lipstick, mascara, foundation) and I never leave my house without using perfume (my favourite fragrances usually rich and decadent, like Black Opium by YSL, Alien and Alien Goddess by Mugler).

I think that should be all! Thank you for reading my little novel and I wish you a wonderful day/night, full of smiles and numerous blessings!

Okay. I know he's like the most popular bsd character BUT I think you and Chuuya would be amazing together

Chuuya

Ok, he absolutely loves your motivation for becoming a doctor.

He likes how strong-willed you are, it's a trait that he really admires

He was a bit surprised with the switch up in your relationship once you started to get to know eachother, but he loves it either way

Tall queen X short king basically

(He's jealous but thinks it's super hot at the same time??? Tall women for the win)

You and Chuuya both struggle with vulnerability, so it's definitely something that the two of you work on together

You don't have anyone to vent to or encourage you??? Well now you have a lifelong Chihuahua that will never EVER let you forget how much he loves you and how much you're worth

He loves your laughter lines he thinks they're so so so so cute

(he 100% kisses them all the time)

(well he would if he could reach 😭)

You guys have similar styles in terms of clothing and he loves it so much

Will buy you EVERYTHING.

He wanted to lend you his clothes one time since you guys have similar tastes and he wanted to do that thing from the movies where the guy lends the girl his clothes and they're way too big on her but the roles were reversed because you ended up being way too tall and stretched them out lmao

You and him will binge watch those 90's fashion shows together and discuss outfits for hours

He loves buying you perfume

He always shoves his face into your neck to get a whiff of your perfume

NSFW UNDER THE CUT

When I saw the perfume detail I immediately knew he's jerked off to the smell of your perfume before

He loveees to fuck the insecurity out of you

Will literally go for hours, whispering praises in your ear<3

He thinks tall women are so hot

(Definitely wants to call you mommy)

Likes the idea of you domming him and the idea of him domming you

He just loves you so much he's okay with anything as long as you're okay with it

A/N

Hellooo !! <3333 tysm for the request, you're so sweet. I didn't know if you wanted nsfw or if you were just sayin it was okay so I didn't do too many, sorry </3

[heartofhubris]

HIIII tell us abt vik ong i am so interested in hearing abt him

HIIII oh my god my baby

here's what my very special boy looks like, he loves his green hair

Ok so. Some of his story is still filtering in, but I gotta stipulate this with Vik's not a great guy but he's not like. I mean look, it doesn't take much to be a decent person in Halcyon.

So. Vik had been born in Québec, Canada,* in 2238. Though thye started life in the countryside, allowing Vik a robust knowledge of guns and weapons, as well as general care of the land, promotions demanded taht Vik's family move closer into the city. Though none were too happy about the smaller house and the lack of privacy, they made due. His parents' middle management positions allowed for a cushy job if he or his brother, or his 2 sisters so wanted. Most of his siblings turned to Manuel labor instead, and Vik was able to get a decent job as a typist, where he was very happy. Unfortunately, this did lead to some mild arthritis in his fingers, though he does not mention that pain. Vik was well in his 50s by the time that the Groundbreaker and the Hope were about to take off. However, his knowledge from childhood was still marked as a skill if UDL ever wanted to poach him for guard or security details.

Now, still on earth, this is when Vik messed up. Propaganda always gets people. When he started hearing some of the conversations his family and friends were having, he got scared of what could happen, and reported them to the correct officials. Their fines were so high to some of the corporations, that most ended up agreeing to indentured instead of forfeiting their lives. Quickly, he changed from typing at a keyboard to holding a gun and reacquainting himself with looking down the sites on his guns. He fell back in practice quickly, proving himself a valuable asset for the frontier of this celestial system. After all, having the scientists on the Hope die immediately from the flora and fauna wouldn't be that smart.

Most of the people he knew ended up on the Groundbreaker and helped build Terra 2. Quite a few died from raptadons, though some managed to make it through the Fall of Cascadia. Others were kept on the Groundbreaker, but as Vik was the reason that most of his loved ones were even there, he was never mentioned, Ergo, Those that he ends up meeting on the Groundbreaker and Terra 2 have no idea the connection they share (Braxton Hecht was the son of one of his friends). Essentially, in trying to repair the damage he did to everyone he cared about, Vik lost everyone. He hoped that someone on the Hope would be a familiar face, though he functionally knew that he was finally, truly alone in the universe.

Half of his attempt of saving Halcyon, Viktor is mute, and only feels comfort tlaking when his crew is with him in some form. Each of his relationship is flavored slightly differently; with Felix and Parvarti, Vik is at ease and goofy, constantly telling dad jokes and rarely bringing up sad topics. He's always there to remind them they're valuable to him and the rest of the crew. Nyoka and Vik have spent a few too many nights at the table, and if anyone finds them passed out on the table in the morning, it's not mentioned. Ellie tried to keep Vik at arms length, and he respected it, but will still make an effort to remind her that she's still part of the crew.

Now, Vik realized he was gay when he was young, but never found a person who complimented his energy just right. He'd all but given up on finding a long term partner, happy as he was being a paternal figure to some people, and screwing around as he did when he needed someone in bed with him. Then, he met Max and immediately was taken with the anger that the Vicar had. The pure determination took Vik, and he decided within twenty minuets of getting the task to get that journal, that Vik would pull apart that Vicar and build him back up. In no small part, Max was what pushed Vik to actually save the colony, even if he never approached max about it. Vik had already decided this would be his last attempt at love, and if it didn't work, he'd be fine.

Only to end up saving Halcyon with the aide of a mad scientist.

*as a note, Vik is entirely able to speak french. He does not translate the journal Because "it's not french. It's Québécois". It is entirely french. Max walks in on Vik one night reading the journal and it spirals into a fight. They get over it rather quickly by. No. I shant say.