#it's scary because i don't want to do a horribly disrespectful job

[not-poignant]

hearing you do research into singaporean culture for m&m makes me so excited! i have heritage there and almost never see southeast asia represented in things i read/watch

Hi anon!

I've been to Singapore! It's a beautiful country, and one of the best places to celebrate Lunar New Year :D I don't know if I'll ever be able to travel like that again with Covid, but if I can, Singapore is actually really high on the list of places we have to get back to soon.

Perth, Western Australia is actually closer to Bali, Indonesia than it is to Sydney, Australia (and it's about the same distance to Singapore as it is to Sydney), and as a result, we actually have a huge proportion of SE Asian folk who live here, and a lot of SE cuisine and culture we can access that folks have brought over with them. So the foods that Kadek mentions in Falling Falling Stars are all foods I'm familiar with. Likewise, it's very common for many Perth folk to fly to Bali and nearby regions for holidays and work, because it's a closer flight than, well, other places in our own country. I have a friend who's working in Singapore right now, and I'm not sure if he's coming back! He loves it too much. (Though not the driving, so much dsalkjfsa).

Due to a combination of having some great friends who have SE Asian heritage and being able to share dinner with their families and hobbies and stay over as a kid etc, and just finding other places and foods interesting, and enjoying learning new things, it's been fun to include more of that in my writing in ways that are hopefully respectful. It also just feels natural in the sense that... for me, in my part of the world, we have more to do with say, Southeast Asia than we do many other cultures, and it's annoying that when people represent, god, 'eastern cultures' in fantasy, it's always like... idk, samey, if it's done by white authors. I'm hoping to avoid that, and not do it terribly. I'm definitely more focusing on Indonesia, and then aspects of Singapore as well, including how cosmopolitan and multicultural it is, while still having a strong sense of identity and place.

Fun fact, I share a timezone with Singapore, but I don't share a timezone with any other state in Australia.

Australia is big and weird.

[yanderelovlies]

✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!

Oh viví but how could you deprive me of this privilege?! It’s too good lol!

Yea like i’m so picky on even getting something I want from the store. The most you will see me ask my mom is for food because I want a snack. I life really have to have a whole debate with myself if the item is something more I want than need if I really want it or I could live without it. So when people give me stuff I feel guilty or use it a lot so it doesn’t go to waste.

You sure? Some sound childish I guess I’m my opinion or many wouldn’t understand my perspective on things and call me one of those fans which makes me close up. If you’re sure I guess it be alright, and no worries you aren’t straightforward in a way that is disrespectful and I like your blunt on what you are saying. Maybe someone could be selling it somewhere! Was it limited edition or something?

You know if I was in your shoes I give up because dammit math is hard so I commend you for even still trying since I don’t understand algebra and my math teacher must’ve been horrified on my scores. Oh those sound fun especially evaluating people behavior and also traits. Ooh his dog? He must’ve been fun!

It’s my job now vivi! Gotta make you feel happiness with compliments!

Glad your spending your time also making time for them and showing you care. Still make sure you have some time for yourself! You deserve that much vivi! Also what did you sing?

Honestly the amount cases for death, assault in one or the other way is scary. Why do you think I’m such a hermit? Other than work I like staying at my house since I feel safe and just shit happens outside like what the hell?! It’s actually a surprise now when nothing goes horrible for once in the news. Have that pepper spray vivi and good for being safe! Good because while I’m paranoid I loving having my headphones on for music and well if I’m distracted enough I would be a easy target. Damn I need to learn self defense.

Thanks vivi! I mean those customers a little less common at least. Most are nice or you can leave them alone enough and they be cool. Unfortunately that is true since I’m just trying to work and some people are unnecessarily mean for some reason or get mad when you bother them to ask what they even want to drink like I’m just trying to get your order since you wanted to eat.

Lol come back during business hours.

Me too! Even if I'm buying it myself I'm always sitting there and complaining if I really need it or not. I usually miss out on good shit, but I always feel bad for spending mine or other people's money on stuff I don't need to survive. It weird lowkey frustrating.

I don't mind at all! I love hearing about people's fandoms and what they love about them. So throw them my way I wanna see 🥺🥺💕💕. Also, I found a shirt on aliexpress, but the original place I found no longer sells, but I'm gonna keep looking and hoping.

Honestly, I thought about it, but going back to my last job scares me more. So I'll take my chances with the math lol. Also, I've only taken one semester of those classes, but I still had a lot of fun and even learned some cool tips for helping manage anxiety.

Just you taking the time to talk to me makes me happy. It's always nice to hear from you. 🥺💕💕

We were singing all kinds of things. Musicals, their favorite songs, and some random they fell into line.

Me too! If I'm allowed I stay inside with all my favorite things where I am safe. As for the headphone thing me too I have these big ones that I take, but they are loud enough so I can just have them hang around my neck and still hear them.

It's like people these days forgot how to be kind to one another. It's sad, and I always feel bad for those who get the terrible treatment for just doing their job. I am glad they aren't frequent for you though.

[sincerity--extreme]

Hi I saw your post in the adhd hashtag and I just wanted to say I relate. For my job I’ve had to take two mental health medical leaves and the process of dealing with the company’s insurance and policy and having to “prove” my mental health issues was more traumatizing then what I already have to deal with. They called me on a recorded line asking stupid questions like “are you able to do laundry” I sat on that phone in the verge of tears because I’m like I’m not going to tell you I feel suicidal and that my freaking brain doesn’t work. That affects my work I need my brain to be able to mentally think. Anyone can do freaking laundry I do it even when I’m depressed. Even if I explained in detail my struggles they still wouldn’t understand. I just hate that these “helpful” things people claim to have in place as mental health “resources” are not actually setup to help. I’m like I can tell people who created this stuff never battled mental health issues. I have adhd and will be getting back on the long road of searching for the correct meds for me. I’m exhausted but I have to keep fighting to obtain the life I want not the one that has been forced upon me due to lack of support and a world who believes everything I’m struggling with is bs. I just want to say you got this, things will get harder but hopefully you’ll see the light in the midst of the struggle. You are stronger than you’ll ever realize. We don’t view ourselves as we really are. We automatically see the negative but you put up with more shit than most people will ever deal with in life. You are AMAZING! Definitely focus on gratitude it helps a bit. I hope you have a wonderful new year and thank you for posting it made me not feel alone! 😌💙😊

First of all, I'm so sorry for the late reply, I never got the notification and this only appeared in the activity area today for some strange reason, I don't even know if you'll ever see this but hopefully you do

It really is extremely complicated, sometimes I feel like the world simply wasn't build for us, and in some areas unfortunately it's true, like in the education and working area and it sucks, it feels scary to try to do anything because most of the times we don't receive the accomodations that we need, even the simple ones. I am so sorry you went through that, I feel your pain, it's horrible when people dismisses our feelings or turn them around. Like, my parents never even tried to understand my needs, I'm constantly being disrespected in my own home, sometimes, my struggle with ADHD and depression aren't the hardest part of my day, dealing with my parents is and that, to me became the most painful thing to deal with on a daily basis. There's so much I need to figure out this year regarding work and I'm terrified as I have no help and without an official diagnosis I can't even (try to) get any accomodations and I'm not medicated at all (also my parents are against medication so that's a issue too) so once again, I feel your pain and I'm so, so sorry the world doesn't even try to understand and help us a little better.

What I learned during the past few years with the help of an amazing therapist and 2 awesome and very patient friends is that we need to hold onto the people that actually care about us, those who rush to our "rescue" when we need it the most. For years I didn't have that and it made everything even harder, having to do it all by myself felt impossible and today I know it really is, we can't do everything alone, so I truly hope you have a "security system" as I call it, people you can call when you need it the most, people who will call to check on you and will stay around when they can tell you need it even if you can't say it.

I'm so incredibly proud of you for keep fighting, I know how hard it is and how much easier it'd be to just give up, but I want you to know that the world is a better place with you in it, we all know how... Complicated things are, so we're all in desperate need of more good people with true nice intentions

Thank you so much for sending this, it brighten my day to know my words reached someone and helped them not feel like they're completely alone, this ask also helped me a lot!!

Hope you also had a wonderful New Years and that you're starting to feel better now, and if you're not that's ok, I'm still proud of you and if this ever reaches you, know you can talk to me if you ever need, I'll love to meet a new person and try to help as well as I can!!

And that goes for anyone who might be needing someone to talk or vent/complain with, I'm your girl, love to complain and to help!

[hmsindecision]

I don't know if this is the place to ask this but I have absolutely no one to turn to. 6 years ago I discovered my dad was having an affair and for reasons that would take too long to explain here, I had to keep it a secret from everyone I knew. My mom definitely knew about it though. They are still together, and she seems to have forgiven him, but I just can't. He doesn't even know how angry I am with him because the only sign I gave that I knew was a text telling him that I hate him. Should I?

Continued. Should I forgive him? I feel so angry because what he did had serious repercussions on my life that I have still not recovered from fully and sometimes when I think about how it made me feel its like I’m right back there on the day I found out. I rarely speak to him (I still live with them) and I can barely bring myself to be polite with him. I know that upsets my mom and I don’t want to hurt either of them really. Is it healthier for me to forgive him and if so how do I even start?——————Anon, this is such a tough thing to be going through, and I think you’re very strong for managing as well as you are. Six years is a long time, and he asked of you something that was wrong and unfair. You should never have been asked to carry this burden. And I know some of what I’m going to say is going to be tough to hear, but I want to be truthful with you, and I want to be helpful to you.

The first thing to address is that while it may seem like your mother is a deciding factor here, she isn’t. Her relationship with your father is separate from yours, and you won’t be able to change her behavior. All you can ask of her is to not take sides. This is fundamentally about what your father did to you. The secret hurt her too, but your relationship with your dad is between you and him.

Here is the thing about forgiveness: forgiveness can only meaningfully take place when someone has made amends in some way. For this, your father has not and possibly will not make amends. You two haven’t talked about this, but wasn’t it his job as a parent to look after his child’s well being? Without his humility and attempt to address the ways in which he hurt you for more than half a decade, what people might call forgiveness would in reality be you swallowing your pain in order to make him and your mother comfortable. He doesn’t know how angry you are–and he never asked.

So let yourself feel this pain. Write down what you want to say. Scream into a pillow. Hurt all you have to.

This doesn’t mean hanging on to anger constantly and forever. I think that ultimately, you will find it helpful to work from a standpoint of radical acceptance. He hurt you. He won’t fix it. Your emotions were not important to his decision-making. Please know, I am not saying his to be mean. I think that this is so painful, and that he disrespected you in a way a parent should not, especially if this happened while you were a child in his home.

So understand this terrible, horrible, inescapable fact: he got what he wanted and he left you with the bill.

And understand this fact, which will be less scary every day: you don’t have to forgive him to move on.

Forgiveness is a long road to try to transmute your anger into your father’s love. Acceptance is realizing that someone who hurts you and never says sorry is not worth your time or energy. We only have so many days on this earth. It sounds like you have a lot of healing to do and a lot of things to contextualize.

You don’t need to forgive him; you need to forgive yourself.