#it's so so loud in the early seasons. soooo loud !!!

[angelsdean]

no but really it's funny sam thinks dean is john 2.0 when s1 dean is just. content to take on random cases and help save some people and is trying to do some good w/ the hand he's been dealt and isn't all that interested in his father's revenge quest and up until then has always had to play the mediator and swallow down his own feelings and anger. while sam's the one who quickly becomes obsessed w/ revenge the minute he loses jess and finding the thing that killed her and is quick to anger. "you're more like him than i'll ever be" "i'll take that as a compliment" "you can take that however you like" etc etc

[circle-with-me]

‘tis the damn season - part 2

Pairing: Will Ramos x OFC (Genevieve/Viv/Vivvy)

Content Warning: 18+ MINORS DNI, angst, hurt - no comfort, brief mentions of child abuse, panic attacks, mentions of death/dying, brief mentions of violence/threats of violence, Will Ramos is stubborn as hell.

Word Count: 3.3k

Taglist: @concretenoah @deathblacksmoke @midnight-eternals @bngurngheart @malice-ov-mercy @witchyweeb34 @lyschko666 @cookiesupplier @lilrubles @meekahy

If you would like to be added to my tag list for this series or my other work, please click here.

Author’s note: There’s a lot more Will in this part and I promise there will be even more in future parts. Also, this one is probably going to hurt because it hurt me while I wrote it. Soooo…. Sorry 😬 Enjoy 😊

Will’s POV

The snow crunches beneath Will’s feet as he heads towards the cafe. That morning, he woke up with a sore throat and decided he’d grab some hot tea before practice that morning. He couldn’t afford to lose his voice now. Lorna was going on tour next month and they had a lot of kinks to work out with their set.

Leaving the cafe, Will heads in the direction of the warehouse. Traffic in front of the cafe was absurd. He could walk down the opposite way to a slower intersection, cut across and then walk back up. The only problem was that it would take him past the park.

He avoided the park as much as he could

“Man, it’s been eight years. Get over it.” he says out loud to himself.

As he walks past the park, he sees the gazebo. There was a light dusting of snow on the roof and the stairs. Christmas garlands were attached to each railing. Icicle lights were hanging from the top railings and Christmas wreaths were adorning each post.

It looked like something out of a Christmas card.

Will walks up the steps and stands in the middle of the structure. He couldn’t remember the last time he had come here. It looked the same but had a fresh coat of paint. A moment of panic sets in as he sets his tea down and steps onto the railing. Hoisting himself up he stands on his tiptoes to look into the rafters.

The entirety of the area had been painted white. Fuck, where is it? He couldn’t see it. It had been forever but he knew it was on this side. He couldn’t see it. His heart sank. It was gone. He started to lower himself down but something caught his eye off to the side. A faint etching into the wood that he would have missed if he hadn’t turned just so.

“W <3’s V 4eva”

Will let out the breath he was holding; a sharp pain shooting through his chest. It was a pain he hadn’t felt in a long time. The feeling struck him so hard it made his knees weak and he had to hold on to the post next to him to keep from falling off the railing.

It should have been a meaningless little thing. He had made that mark when he was a teenager, barely sixteen. Thirteen years later and he can still remember every moment of that day. How she smelled of cinnamon and cherries. The way her dark red hair fell in waves and would get tangled in the buttons of her coat. How red her nose and cheeks got from the cold. Her green eyes sparkling as she looked at the Christmas lights.

God dammit, he hated this time of year.

Will arrives at the warehouse to see Moke and Austin standing outside.

“Get here when you can, brother.” Moke exclaims, grinning.

“Fuck are you talking about, dude? I’m early as always.” Will responds.

“Practice was supposed to start 20 minutes ago, dumbass.” Austin pipes in.

Will checks his phone and he in fact was not early at all. His detour took a little longer than he thought. He looks up sheepishly and both guys burst out laughing.

“Sorry, guys.”

Adam slaps him on the back. “Don’t worry about it, man. Adam and Andrew are inside arguing about guitar stuff.”

“That’s why we’re out here.” Moke adds. “If I had to hear them fight like an old married couple for one more second I was going to shove Archey’s drumsticks in my ears.”

Will laughs loudly as they dramatically act out the guitarists argument.

Initially, he doesn’t see the woman with long dark red hair pass by but he notices her stop suddenly. For a split second he figures that she’s lost but then it hits him. The scent of cinnamon and cherries.

The scent is all-consuming. It fills his nostrils and in a millisecond seven years of memories flash before his eyes. She turns around slowly, making eye contact with him and he’s sure he’s fucking dreaming because it can’t be her.

“Shit.” he hears her say and that’s her voice. How is she here? Why is she here? After all this time..

He calls after her and she doesn’t stop. In fact, she picks up her pace. So, he takes off after her.

“Will! Where the fuck are you going?” Austin yells at his friend as he takes off running but it was no use. Will was on a mission.

Will continues to call after her and she refuses to stop. He feels dizzy, nauseated, and desperate because if he can just get a hand on her. Just touch her so he can know she’s real and he’s not crazy.

“Goddammit, Genevieve, stop!” Finally catching up with her, he grabs her by the arm and spins her around to face him.

They stare at each other for what seems like an eternity. He wonders what’s going through her mind. He can’t seem to gather his thoughts because he’s still trying to grasp onto the fact that she’s actually here in front of him.

Somehow, she was even more beautiful than the last time he saw her.

The last time he saw her.

Will recalls the moment she left and the shooting pain in his chest returns. Anger rushes through him and without thinking, his grip on her arm tightens. Tears begin to form in the corner of her eyes and she shifts uncomfortably. Realization settles in and he lets go, internally chastising himself. It doesn’t matter how long she’s been gone. He knows better.

He glances at her again and even though the tears are still there he can tell she’s not panicking anymore. Her tears are for an entirely different reason. The moment is so overwhelming he can nearly feel his own forming but being the stubborn man that he is, he blinks them away. Will is not going to give her the satisfaction of thinking she still has that much of an effect on him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” she states matter-of-factly.

Will laughs humorlessly. “Seriously? After all these years, that’s all I get?”

Gen narrows her eyes and folds her arms across her chest.

“Right, because ‘what the fuck are you doing here?’ is so much better?”

“I think I have every right to be frustrated, Viv.”

“Don’t call me that.” she says firmly.

Will raises his eyebrows. “And what exactly am I supposed to call you?”

“If it’s all the same to you, Will, I’d prefer it if we just didn’t interact at all. I’m only here because I wasn’t given a choice and I plan to leave as soon as possible.”

A mixture of anger and desperation rises in him again. He wasn’t expecting her to jump into his arms but he didn’t think she’d blow him off like this. He needed something. More than this. He didn’t know how she could just pretend like this moment meant nothing to her when it meant everything to him.

Would he actually admit to that, though? Of course not.

He laughs and shakes his head. “Always in such a hurry to leave. Of course, I'm not surprised. It’s your favorite thing to do.”

This time, Gen laughs, but it’s the coldest laugh Will has ever heard. She steps closer to him and their faces are so close they are almost touching. Her perfume fills his nostrils again and he wishes he could start their conversation over. Tell her he was sorry for everything and kiss her breathless but it was too late. He ruined everything, once again.

All because of his goddamn pride.

“As much as I would love to stand here all day and rehash old wounds, Ramos, I have better things to do. Like bury my piece of shit father, for starters.”

Will doesn’t even get a chance to speak before she’s walking away from him. She never looks back at him for a moment but he watches her until her figure disappears.

Gen’s POV

Gen walks until the tears falling down her face begin to burn and her lungs start to hurt from the cold air. She was two blocks from the lawyer’s office but she couldn’t move anymore. She stops and sits on a bench in front of a random store in an attempt to collect herself.

She scrubs her shaking hands over her face and tries to control her breathing. She’s barely been back home for a few hours and she already ran into him. She hated being from such a small town.

“Always in such a hurry to leave… it’s your favorite thing to do.”

Will’s voice echoes on repeat in her mind until her head begins to pound. He knows damn well why I left. Gen thinks to herself. Who the fuck is he to throw that in my face?

Through the years she must have rehearsed their first conversation upon reuniting a hundred times. It was never something she expected to actually happen, but she was always preparing for shit like that. She knew it would be overwhelming and emotional but when she imagined it, she always handled it in a calm and practical manner.

Clearly, it’s much different when the person who broke your heart is standing right in front of you. It didn’t stop her from regretting the way she reacted. The way he grabbed her and the emotional whiplash from their sudden reunion had her adrenaline pumping. Agitation and being defensive were her go-to responses.

Gen knew that he didn’t intend to grab her like that. He knew better. It was embarrassing that it still affected her the way that it did.

Gen sighs shakily and checks her phone. She had five minutes to be at Mr. Shaw’s office. Her pity party would have to wait until later.

“Ms. Castillo, I’m Nathan Shaw. Thank you so much for coming in on such short notice.” The man extends his hand to Gen and she accepts it. He was younger than she expected, late thirties at the oldest. His dirty blonde hair was slicked back and his eyes were a piercing blue. When he flashes a smile at her, she concludes that feature alone wins a lot of his cases.

“It’s Taylor, actually. I told your secretary that on the phone yesterday. Anna, I believe?”

He glances down at the paper. “Oh, yes! She’s written it right here. My apologies, Ms. Taylor. Or is it Mrs?”

Gen has to bite back a laugh. “No, sir. It’s definitely still Ms.” She holds up her left hand to show him her bare ring finger.

Mr. Shaw smiles softly. “Very good, Ms. Taylor.”

She shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “If you don’t mind. How did you find me? My father and I haven’t spoken in years.”

“He had your phone number and address listed for us to call in the event of his death.”

Gen pauses for a moment, unsure how she feels that he actually had her address this whole time. “It’s just that… I changed my name and my contact information years ago, so that he couldn’t find me. I just don’t understand how he even had that information to give to you.”

Mr. Shaw looks at her over his glasses, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. He flips back to the front page of the packet in front of him and turns it around to where Gen can look at it. She scoots up to the end of her chair to get a better look as he points to a particular paragraph.

I, Gabriel Fernando Castillo, am a widower. I was married to Margaret Anaïs Taylor Castillo on September 13, 1993, who died on August 9, 2007. We had one child, Genevieve Gabriela Castillo, who was born on August 11, 1994.

Genevieve Gabriela Castillo. Her eyes read the one line over and over again. God, she despises that name.

“What are you showing me this for, Mr. Shaw?” she asks, pointedly.

An amused look spreads across his face. “Ms. Taylor, with all due respect, if you wanted to change your name so your father couldn’t find you.” He pauses for a moment, considering his next statement carefully. “Your mother’s maiden name maybe wasn’t the best choice.”

Three hours, one panic attack, and a lot of kleenex later, Gen’s appointment with Nathan Shaw was finished.

Gabriel left her everything. His house. His car. An oddly large sum of money that was left in his bank accounts that she didn’t dare question its origin. Before she changed her name and number for good, he had called her relentlessly asking for money. No doubt having drunk it all up.

According to Mr. Shaw, that was what killed him. His liver failed and he chose to waste away at home instead of in the hospital waiting for an organ transplant. Mr. Shaw warned her that the house wasn’t in the best shape since he spent the last several months bedridden and would rarely let anyone in. He assured her, however, that “the mess” from his death had been cleaned up so she wouldn’t have to worry about that.

Oh, right. If it wasn’t enough for her to inherit her childhood home that held enough traumatic memories for a lifetime, it’s now potentially haunted by the ghost of her father? Nope. Nothing to worry about at all. She didn’t even believe in ghosts, but if anyone would come back to haunt her, that fucker would.

Considering her options, she decided to sell the house and the car. They were of no use to her. The money in Gabriel’s accounts would go towards whatever repairs were needed to make the house sellable and the rest she’d donate to charity.

Gen didn’t need him or his money. Dead or not she sure as hell wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of thinking she did.

So, now, it would appear that her whirlwind trip home would be much longer than anticipated. The realization of which caused her panic attack. Mr. Shaw’s sweet secretary, Anna, came rushing in his office with kleenex and water to help. Once she calmed down, Gen told Anna whatever Mr. Shaw was paying her wasn’t enough. Anna just smiled sweetly and headed back to her desk.

Another hour and a half later, the funeral arrangements had been made. The visitation would be Sunday at noon with the funeral immediately afterwards. A four hour affair where Gen would have to smile and pretend to care as people she hadn’t seen in years told her how wonderful her father was and how they can’t believe she’s been gone so long.

She felt nauseous already.

She took a deep breath, cracking her neck and massaging her jaw in an attempt to ease the tension from the day. She was in desperate need of food and a shower. She decided to head to her hotel, order takeout, and call it a night. She couldn’t bring herself to go to Gabriel’s house tonight. She would go tomorrow when she was rested and her head was clear.

As Gen laid in bed, she reflected on her day. Now that it was over, it all felt like a fever dream. She thought of Will’s face. The way it shifted from frustration to guilt when she told him why she was there. She had called him Ramos. She only called him that when she was mad and he hated it. She knew that, though, and said it on purpose.

She did it for the exact same reason he took a jab at her for leaving. There’s an ache in her. An ache caused by all the years of pain from her mother dying, her father drinking to cope with the loss and the abuse that followed afterwards. Will became her escape. He was always there to protect and comfort her.

One night, Will nearly beat her father unconscious after he had broken Gen’s ribs again for not cleaning the dishes the way he liked them. He was only seventeen at the time. Gabriel was an asshole, but he wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to put himself at risk of an investigation, so he didn’t say anything. After that night, the physical abuse stopped but the psychological abuse became worse. Will promised Gen that as soon as she turned eighteen, he was moving her in with him.

The day of her eighteenth birthday, Will moved her into his apartment. He had saved for months and managed to get one just a few weeks before her birthday. It was small and they barely had any furniture, but she didn’t care. Gabriel tracked her down and tried causing a scene but Will told him if he came near her or touched her again he’d make sure he didn’t wake up that time.

Gen was finally able to heal. She felt safe and secure at home for the first time in five years. They were both working and making enough to pay their bills with a little extra. She started college. For once, everything was going well.

The only problem was that she hated Westwood. It was too small for her and despite the memories she made with Will, it was filled with too many bad ones. She wanted out. She had a degree and had developed a strong skill set in music as an audio technician at the small recording studio she worked at and wanted to pursue a career as a recording engineer.

The owner of the studio had connections all over the country and was able to get her a job in New York. Gen was ecstatic and ran home to Will to tell him the good news. He had been supportive of her dream and told her he’d go anywhere for her.

However, when she told him it was finally happening, his face dropped. A silence fell between them that she had never experienced in all of the years they had been together. He stood from his seat on the couch, looked at her firmly, and told her no.

No? What did he mean “no”?

He meant no. She wasn’t going. He wasn’t going. They weren’t going.

Will’s reason was that she could do the same job in New Jersey that she could in New York. She argued that, while true, New York would give her a lot more opportunities to work with different artists and producers. Not to mention a lot more money.

He continued to refuse. Telling Gen it was a waste of time and attempting to educate her on how expensive New York is but it just came out as condescending. She explained how much extra she would be making and it may be hard at first but it would be worth it in the end.

When that didn’t work, he tried to explain that he had finally become comfortable with his band and didn’t want to mess that up by leaving. He also mentioned his family was in Westwood and they couldn’t just abandon them. She called him selfish and pointed out that New York was less than two hours by train. Not across the fucking country.

Gen was distraught and confused. Where was this coming from? This was not the Will she had known for so long. He had never tried to hold her back or tell her she couldn’t do anything. If she didn’t know any better, he almost seemed desperate to keep her in Westwood with him. But why?

After hours of arguing, he became silent again. He stood in front of the glass door that led out to their patio and just stared into the darkness. After what seemed like forever, he raked his hand through his curls and exhaled harshly like he had to prepare himself for what he was about to say.

“I love you, Vivvy… but you’re not going to make it in New York. You’re good at what you do but they’ll eat you alive up there. You’re not going and that’s final.”

Part Three

[smilingbuckley]

I wanted to watch The Rookie because my brother said I'd like it and you're always posting about Chenford and I was "nice a cute little ship 🥰" just to learn they broke up before I even start? My heart is broken Jules ): is it worth it now? 😔

IT IS SO WORTH IT

Not only is the slow burn delicious, but it’s obviously not going to be a permanent break up.

When it comes to ships, The Rookie is mostly steady. Aside from Tim, Nolan, and Lucy, everyone has an endgame partner pretty early on. Nolan gets one as well. They're not like Grey's Anatomy or Station 19 where they keep breaking ships up.

Chenford is probably the most popular ship of the show. (Other ships are loved as well of course, but it's always Chenford that gets the most outside fandom attention).

The writers/producers know this. You see, they weren't supposed to get together at first. In interviews they said that it was fun fans liked them, but they weren't going to get together. BUT THEN they changed their minds because of how LOUD people were about wanting Chenford to be together.

And then Chenford went canon: the internet blew up. I didn't watch the show at the time, but my Twitter was full of Chenford tweets. I didn't even know the existence of the show before that. And it made me want to watch. It made soooo many people start the show. Chenford going canon was obviously something good for the show and the viewership.

They know the love for Chenford. Which is why breaking them up permanently so soon after getting together would not be a good decision. They know people would get mad. They know people would stop watching. It would have been a cruel play on the fans who made this happen by continuing being loud about their wishes of Chenford together.

All of that makes me sure that they'll figure this out. They'll make up - maybe this will make them stronger in the end. But I do not believe this is permanent at all.

Idk when they'll get back together. I don't know if there's a greenlight for another season yet. I suspect this season's finale so that they're on the safe side. I really doubt they'd risk ending the series without Chenford.

So I still 100000% recommend the show!

(Also, I did start the show because of Chenford, but I also fell in love with the other characters and ships so it's totally worth it!)

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

i am soooo fascinated by all of your suitehearts ideas hows it going?

ITS GOING GREAT!!!! taking this as my excuse to start yelling abt their backstories bc i was abt to start making the post anyways and this ask came at the PERFECT time gdhgdhd

so the entertainment industry is CRUCIAL to my version of bli to the point where the original company which would become bli began as an animation studio in the 30s/40s (the original studio producing mousekat cartoons which is a whole other post im not gonna get into rn). whats important here is that nostalgia is key to a lot of bli's early success as they bought the rights to many different properties specifically in childrens entertainment in order to sell the idea that their products and their company is Good and Moral and shit. like getting mickey mouse to endorse your product and shit

anyways one of these old shows they acquire the rights to is a shortlived but incredibly popular late 70s/early 80s childrens show: The Adventures of America's Suitehearts. its got loud vibrant colors and costumes and garish sets and im thinking it takes place in like. a magical hotel with like infinite floors to explore filled with magic rooms for any and everything (kinda like the Imagination Movers iirc). the Suitehearts are permanent residents and episodes would revolve around them helping out and going on adventures with the hotels guests, allowing new kids and characters to show up every episode. the whole show would be focused on having fun and using your imagination to its fullest, meant to bring some light into the world for kids dealing with the effects of the wars and shit but it gets cancelled after two seasons bc. yknow. the wars and shit

ANYWAYS bli picks up the idea and reboots the series once the City is built and theyve fully come to power. they use it as a sort of safety net, a way of easing the kids who originally grew up with and are now adults into accepting bli's ideas and control. its a HUGE propaganda tool and it works really fucking well, becoming a staple show in the city. i havent figure out full timeline shit bc i cant find the doc rn but im thinking probably theyd cycle through actors for the suitehearts over the years with the most recent versions being the ones that led to the shoes cancellation & the ones who become rebels. the cast goes as follows (and city names are subject to change bc these are just placeholders i came up with on the spot):

Dr. Benzadrine (portrayed by Mark Desrosiers)

- originally the Dr. Benzadrine character was this kooky mad scientist type with a sort of bill nye meets mrs frizzle energy. he was always encouraging kids to explore and ask questions abt the world around them, showing the audience how to do simple experiments, and explaining scientific concepts and how things work/are made. obviously this is exactly the type of behavior that bli wants to AVOID teaching kids, so in the reboot he becomes this sort of strict, analytical figure who discourages "unscientific" and "unproductive" things such as emotions, and constantly promotes bli's pills and medications as the solutions to problems! any "science" he explains revolves around how the pills "work" to make you Happier and Better

-Mark originally planned to be a chemist. he wanted to help people and figured developing nee medications would be the best way of doing that!! dudes like a GENIUS too, and bli sees this and singles him out and puts him on the fast track for his goals bc obviously they want that brain making their pills. except, the higher up he goes, the more HORRIBLE OBVIOUSLY CORRUPT he realizes the company is so he drops out and through a series of shady events i havent figured out the specifics of yet becomes the new Dr. Benzadrine!!!

Mr. Sandman (played by Dominic no last name yet bc nothing i can think of sounds good!)

- in the original version of the show, Sandman was one of those characters thats looked back on as kinda creepy looking in hindsight and is joked abt constantly for his more spooky appearance. personality wise though, his whole thing was encouraging kids to get creative by using his dream powers to visualize wacky scenarios and solutions to problems. hed also always lead into the a song fitting the theme of the episode by "singing a lullabye" often by the request of one of the other characters. in bli's version, though, they take his creepier appearance and RUN with it, turning him into essentially the series' antagonist. they turn him from the maker of dreams into the maker of nightmares and hes meant to show kids "the dangerous of creativity", always defeated in the end by the others following rules and conforming to authority and shit yk? just the most heavyhanded propaganda you can imagine

- Dominic i think joins the show because he wants to get rich and famous, break out of the slums of the City and really prove that hes worth something. he doesnt even mind playing the villain because, hey, the villains always the most popular character right? except wow jesus christ, being an actually cared about, actually watched member of the city is kind if a lot and suddenly all these freedoms he used to have are being taken away and he didnt realize itd be like this he needs to find a way out oh god-

H. Shoe Crab (played by Sarah Langley)

- so in the original show, Crab was that type of moral compass character always dishing out the episode's lesson. he had exceptionally good luck, which is implied to be due to a sort of karma- he does and acts good so the universe rewards him and shit yk? thats not to say hes perfect and there are episodes dedicating to showing him struggling with his own issues and he often makes mistakes. but at the end of the day hes there to teach kids the value of kindness, emotional awareness, and basic morals. also theres a tunning joke where his good luck will kinda backfire on/cause problems for Sandman like with Goodluck and Grumpy in Care Bears. played by a girl in the reboot, Crab's character essentially becomes Product Placement and Gender Roles!! all her good luck becomes the result of using bli's products, all her "moral lessons" become about respecting authority and reporting suspicious behavior and shit, and she basically gets Mom Friend-ified by the company to top it all off.

- Sarah i think is the most deep into her role bc she is heavily monitored on set and on far more medications than the rest of the cast. this is because she was actually born in the desert, kidnapped as a teenager, and brought into the City to be "rehabilitated". the whole reason she was probably even cast was as a demonstration for higher ups that brainwashing younger joys could be possible as part of a never seen through initiative. also this whole post was just supposed to be abt their backstories/the characters they played and i wasnt gonna get into any of their later true identities once they become rebels, but it is incredibly important to me that you know they become a transmasc butch lesbian who uses exclusively they/them and neopronouns

Donnie the Catcher (played by Cameron Barnes)

- Donnie's a sort of like sportacus from lazytown- the character encouraging fitness and healthy habits in kids. he was also extremely clumsy and not actually that great at many sports, emphasizing the idea that winning/losing doesn't matter so long as you're having fun with what youre doing. i think hed be the least changed character in bli's version, with their version of equality and non exceptionalism being HEAVILY emphasized. he also acts as basically a walking advertisement for the SCARECROW unit, with many of his games and exercises being underscored with encouragements for kids to look into crow recruitment when theyre older.

- Cameron was a Scarecrow, still kind of is as he was switched from active duty in the zones after the rest of his squadron was killed in a firefight and he found himself too traumatized to go back out in the field. the whole thing fosters a hatred for killjoys within him, sure, but it also makes him resent bli for sending him out there underprepared and to fight what hes quickly coming to believe is a pointless battle. he hates that his only options seem to be wasting away in the city or wasting away in the desert. but maybe if there were a third option...

and yeah this has gotten too long already so ill make the post abt their breaking out of the city and killjoy identities later :P all im gonna say rn is that their leaving becomes this huge public scandal, made worse when they continue using the names of their characters and claiming them as their new identities. the show is removed from the air almost instantly, and all mentions if it are scrubbed from public life- if you remember the Suitehearts no you dont.

[steddieas-shegoes]

You told me to send it soooo...

Steve nursing the biggest crush on Eddie and Eddie oblivious. Getting flustered by all ways Eddie makes skinny jeans, boots, chains, and distressed band tees look hot as fuck.

One day, one outfit (something with a tanktop and his hair pulled back maybe) has Steve whining and saying "Oh, fuck me" a little too loud and Eddie hears him.

Steve runs of course.

Summer was Steve’s favorite season for many reasons, but this year, his top reason was seeing Eddie in things other than skinny jeans and his leather or denim jacket.

Skin. He was seeing his skin.

Not much of it, really. He still stuck to long shorts or jeans, and he wore band tees everywhere.

But they were having a pool party today, the first of the year, and Eddie had promised the kids he’d swim.

Which meant Steve would see him in a bathing suit, shirtless.

Up until this point, his imagination had managed to piece things together just fine.

But seeing the real thing.

Woah.

His scars had fully healed, lines all over his body, creating a web of reminders that he was still alive.

His muscles were subtle, but there, especially when he lifted Dustin and threw him into the pool.

“Dingus, you’re drooling.”

Steve jumped at Robin’s voice.

“Shut up, no I’m not.”

“Sure, that’s just water from the pool on your chin.”

Steve wiped at his mouth, ignoring the fact that there was a small amount of saliva.

“You could probably just tell him how you feel you know.”

“Uh huh.”

In truth, Steve wasn’t really listening to Robin.

Eddie had just jumped into the pool, splashing everyone in it and around it.

“It’s still cold! You all lied to me!” He yelled when he resurfaced.

As he pulled himself up the ladder and got out, Steve watched the water dripping off of his body, his hair, his suit.

“Oh fuck me,” he mumbled.

Or thought he mumbled.

Eddie’s head snapped to him, a smirk already in place.

“Say something big boy?”

Steve doesn’t answer. He’s running inside, never more thankful about the fact that he didn’t swim in his own pool.

“Steve?” Eddie was following him, but Steve didn’t slow down as he made his way to the downstairs bathroom. “Steve!”

He closed the door, but remembered too late that the lock was broken.

Eddie banged on the door once before he slammed it open.

They looked at each other for a moment, Eddie still dripping wet, Steve completely dry.

“You never said-“

“I shouldn’t-“

They paused.

“It’s probably best-“

“Maybe we should-“

They laughed awkwardly.

“You first,” Eddie said.

“Um. Okay. I guess I can’t really hide the fact that I was staring. Or that I said that.”

“No. Uh. Did you mean that?”

“What?”

“Do you actually want me to fuck you?”

It was so hot in this bathroom. Steve needed air.

But he needed to be honest first, see what happens.

“Yeah.”

“How early is too early to send the kids home?”

“They’ve only been in the pool for 20 minutes so I don’t suggest doing it now,” Steve smirked.

“Can I kiss you? To hold me over until they’re gone?”

Steve nodded, eyes widening as Eddie moved in closer.

If Max didn’t walk in to use the bathroom five minutes later, there’s a good chance they would’ve gotten a lot farther.

Her glare was enough to cool down any intimate moment.

[dominomars]

Helluva Boss - Season 1 // Episode 8 (REVIEW)

(Warning//cussing, opinions 😟, critique, Helluva Boss, drinking topics, spoilers)

I cuss when I’m mad so….be prepared

This is more of a rant than an review lmao

K soooo episode 8 finally came out and oh boy do I have something to say..

So everyone knows that a year ago (I think?) Viv said on her twitter that episode 8 was delayed due to copyright issues. I was like okay, that’s fine, I understand that she might’ve had a song that was copyrighted or some shit. so they moved on with season 2.

2 days ago she made a post saying that episode 8 will finally be up on YouTube. Tbh I was excited bc we get to see what the fuck is going on with that trashy Ozzie’s episode. Oh did I mention that Viv said that this wasn’t a continuation of Ozzie’s but then she proceeded to say it was??? Like make up ur mind it’s not that hard woman 😭.

Let me start off with me saying that where is the warning intro? See you can definitely tell that this episode is rushed. Also the animation is very off, Loona and the rest of the characters looked very stiff like the animation was off putting??

Loona enters the party and we see Vortex again, alright that’s fine sure whatever Idc. And we see a bunch of hellhounds (which don’t even look like hellhounds they look like fucking piss stain red eyed furry hair that like partying) like, I’m sorry? Isn’t this supposed to be hell? Like why in the actual satans asshole are they having fun, they’re listening to techno/rave/pop DJ Gen z music (I don’t even know what this music is called so pls tell me what it’s called so I don’t have to embarrass myself) .

So then we get to the point of this episode, where we see Queen Bee (Aka Beelzebub), I’m sorry, who is this bitch? She doesn’t even look like Beelzebub??? It’s like I’m watching a furry dancing and head bobbing to animation meme music, while horrible furrybait hellhounds get high or some shit, how is this an adult series, how could you count this as something an ADULT lemme remind you again an ADULT a fucking 18+ individual that could drink, watch pron, do adult things could watch??? And I know, all adults are different, they like different comedy, and different plots. But you must be a man child to like this.

Anyways back to Bee, her design is not good, it’s not mature, it’s just an eye bleeding furry that could probably give someone epilepsy seeing this thing, and I mostly feel bad for the animators having to animate her, I can’t even animate my simple pink unicorn oc because of the design, and the design isn’t even that complex??.

Now let’s get on to her character, she’s actually not that bad, like she’s not horrible (that’s because she’s not an asshole like the other female characters, Loona, Stella, Verosika, to name a few) she’s sassy, fun, extroverted, loud, and I actually like how she’s not a bad character. Thank you Viv for making an actual enjoyable character.

I just realized she’s also voiced by Kesha, which I bad for Kesha for voicing a character from such a dogshit show, but Kesha is literally my childhood, she’s my idol, I love Kesha, I even said that I wanted to meet her one day. I love Kesha very much because I’m such a sucker for early 2000s scenecore, Kesha was my music taste and still IS my music taste. So props I guess for Viv for getting her to voice act an character that’s insane.

Ok so let’s talk about the song, I give it a solid 6/10, the song is good only because I kept singing it and it was stuck in my head, but the fucking. repeated. verses is getting me a overstimulation at this point.

So after the song, Bee introduction, Yada yada, we get Loona saying that this party is getting her anxious because of Bee prolly. She calls Blitzo up, Blitzo comes and get her, she gets in the car with him, until they see a hellhound that proceeds to call Loona “hot”, then she changes her mind like a fucking moron and say “yOu knO daddy, I thwnk we shOuld tay a Wittle longa, pweeassee owo” like she’s a 2 year old baby convincing her dad that she has to stay, she needs to stay. Oh can I also say that this furrybait is also a whore? Ok like hear me out, she said she had syphillis in the pilot, then she had a whole ass high school crush on Vortex with the most embarrassing conversation, then she proceeds to be tail wagging turned on because of this hellhound that called her hot. Seriously, how could you like this character? she’s not enjoyable.

Alright we’re now moving on with her and Blitzo, and Blitzo’s getting drunk because of his relationship issues, but then Loona is chilling yknow having a good time, then she gets confronted with Bee and Vortex saying that you need to go check on your dad. Hold on second lemme just stop right here partner, hold to flipping flop, isn’t Bee the queen of gluttony? Isn’t she like to embodiment of drinking and having fun, how nice are you? Why are you acting like this? You are a ruler of HELL, you’re supposed to be bad, you’re supposed to be supporting that big headed alien demon.

So now Imma get to the end, they enter their home, Blitzo goes to sleep, and here’s something so funny he says, “Fuck, Fizz was right. I’m gonna die alone” This is the worst sad thing Blitzo has ever said so far, I’m not sorry BlitzO but I don’t give a shit about your problems, till the very end of this day you’re still going to be the last person I’m going to feel bad for, Bojack Horseman is better than you for fucks sake. You’re NOTHING to me, and I hope you die alone pissstain you deserve it.

the last thing I have to say is some a couple points I missed.

•Why is Vortex, a hellhound that is lower than Imps. Dating a lord? Wtf is going on? Why is it not okay for Stolas to like Blitzo

•The whole thing with Bee should’ve been overweight is stupid and not necessary

•I love how everyone is defending Blitzo and I even saw a video on YT (Im not going to send the video to anyone because I don’t want that person to receive hate of course) putting a Bojack Horseman quote in the video like you’re NOTHING like Bojack, stop comparing Blitzo to Bojack, Blitzo is literally an uwu feel bad for character

I’m going to review this headache’s next episode this Saturday so stay tuned I’m honestly excited

Peace out

[starsandhughes]

FWB Trevor AU?

okay soooo i'm thinking that we ACTUALLY do the trevor fwb au but with specifics and stuff bc some of it this morning was me fucking around especially with the whole traumatizing jamie thing with being loud etc

some was making sense!

so things i know for sure:

she's cole's sister so they've known each other since the ntdp days

she goes to uc irvine

she went there before the draft so while z was at boston

no attraction in high school

the fwb affairs don't start until after a year or so after trevor comes to california (middle of 21-22 season? maybe january?)

it lasts for a long time before trevor starts realizing his feelings (they'd be apart for portions of the summer of 22 so there's also a gap) (march of 23?)

at this point, he's getting jealous and possessive (especially at jack and luke's playoff games)

she gets feelings way after trevor (around now? july 23? at the lake house?)

things i don't know:

nickname?

is she cole's twin? younger sister? older?

i feel like jamie would be let in on the secret early on due to him finding out on accident

will they eventually actually date?

[foxfireink]

Hi! I found your blog when you reblogged my "how to writeblr" post but your WIPs all look super fascinating! If you have taglists, can you please add me to the ones for "Songs of Decay" and "Bards, Courts, and Changelings?"

Also please feel free to ramble about either of these WIPs, I'd love to hear more about them.

Wow, thank you for the ask! We have added you to our taglists! :D And we are soooo happy to ramble about Songs of Decay and Bards, Courts, and Changelings. This is Inkwell. I am gonna cover Songs of Decay, and Crooked Writer will cover BC&C in a part two post.

Be warned. This is a very long post. I had waay too much fun writing it, hahaha. Bards, Courts, and Changelings will be a much shorter post, as it is in an earlier stage of development.

Part One: Songs of Decay

A HISTORY OF THE PROJECT

This is definitely a 2020 project, hahaha. We wrote draft 1 in script format because it was an easy way to write intermittently. We pulled out board games like Arkham Horror (2nd Edition) and Betrayal at House on the Hill to help us add the eldritch elements and throw in some chaos. We tracked the insanity level of different characters through some of our scenes. Then, when we were done, we were so happy with the story that we wanted to DO something with it rather than it just being a hobby project… and we were like, "What if we actually turned it into an audio drama?"

Crooked Writer does voice acting, but neither of us had ANY experience with writing audio dramas. It was our lazy way of not converting to prose, but also trying something new!

We created draft 2 by having friends come read what we'd gotten done out loud. We would edit and write for two weeks, then gather online, divvy out parts for the night, and read through it. It gave us a lot of motivation to get through the draft! I personally am not the kind of person to sit in on someone's early writing project and read it out loud for an extended period of time on a consistent basis, and it still blows my mind that our friends wanted to do that with us. It was so much fun.

Now, a great deal of research and worldbuilding later, we have four seasons planned and are midway through writing draft 3 of season 1. :D

WORLDBUILDING

The story isn't straight cosmic horror, it's more flavored by the eldritch, and much more inspired by the board game Arkham Horror than Lovecraft. We have our own pantheon of Horrors who have different thematic elements and warp and corrupt in different ways. Technology is roughly equivalent to the 1910s, and eldritch Horrors have been threatening to end the world as we know it for centuries. We have four countries who approach the long-standing eldritch problem VERY differently:

Our setting country, Malgrave, has a "kill it with fire" approach. They have a specially trained corps of Stewards and an Eldritch Anomalies Department (the EAD) to handle things using mostly weaponry. Malgrave views eldritch corruption as an individual's choice to bring Horrors and Fiends (Horrors = world-ends-upon-arrival monsters, Fiends = smaller monsters) into the world and destroy/remake it, so laws tend to treat cults and such in a similar way to how you'd treat the mafia. The temptations are overpowering to many. You can't trust anyone completely.

Side note, because I love the Stewards: The Stewards have really fun political power dynamics, as they are supposed to keep the king's family from turning on him/protect the family, but also can't really contradict a royal, sooo it gets messy sometimes. They technically have the power to report or stop a royal that's corrupted, but just try doing that in practice and see how it goes. Stewards tend to be more subtle. They also die, a lot. The MC's father, Sam, is one of the few Stewards in living memory to retire from active duty. Pays well, though!

Eastcairn, Malgrave's other neighbor, uses augury - magical engineering - to create wards and automatons that are powered by protective patterns. These patterns slowly corrupt over time and must be maintained regularly, or they will amplify corruption rather than negate it. Eastcairn views corruption as a contagious miasma in the air and isolates eldritch outbreaks in sanatoria and asylums. There are many strains of corruptive virus, and most if not all are incurable by current science.

Logoria is Malgrave's neighbor to the left and uses patterns just like Eastcairn, but rather than using physical augury patterns they use mathematical patterns in music and dance to ward off corruption. They have trained singers and musicians and dancers, and choirs are common.

Not a ton of development on the fourth country, because it's farther away (only worldbuild the top of the iceberg, right?) but it has a protective martial art, a caste system based around the concept that corruption runs in family lines, and people there know what different kinds of corruptive influences/objects/presences smell like.

These varying perceptions pool together in our story, as Sam is from Eastcairn but worked in the Stewards in Malgrave and has a medley of views about the nature of eldritch corruption that often conflict with prevalent theories. Augury isn't well thought of in Malgrave, but both he and Tom practice it. The conflict of "eldritch corruption: illness or choice?" is central to the first two seasons of Songs of Decay (particularly the second).

CHARACTERS AND STORY (Season 1)

Tom moves into the very rural Malbury county because living too close to his far wealthier ex-wife will end with him losing custody of their daughter, Sara. His dad lives in Malbury county and is supposed to be living far away from all eldritch influence. However, Tom is appalled to see how rife the county is with cultists, corruption, and eldritch Fiends - such as the Moose that he and Sara run afoul of on the first day of school. Tom also has a past record that requires him to report to the EAD and means that the EAD could refuse to grant him an augury license, which is literally Tom's livelihood right now, SO Tom offers to help with local problems. In doing so, he trips into the plot of a local cult that centers on the estate of one Lady Esther Lambert, a widow with a grudge against the EAD. Esther married into one of the local noble families and is used to fighting for herself because no one else will. She throws an annual party at her house at the end of summer, but this time things go very poorly very quickly. Tom and Esther have to band together with other guests to stay alive and prevent the summoning of a greater Horror, but they don't know who to trust when you can't even rule yourself out as an enemy.

So, throughout Season 1 you've got Tom trying to be a good single parent, learning how to prep and cook three consistent meals a day while also getting drawn into fighting eldritch monsters and cultists. You have Sara, his daughter, who is trying to adjust to a lower class lifestyle, meeting a grandparent for the first time, and stressing about her dad putting himself in danger. You have Sam, who convinced his son to move to Belleview because he was worried about him, but also has so much corruption from his time in the Stewards that he is one poor decision away from snapping entirely. You have Chief Compton, a former city policeman and current head of the local EAD bullied into the role after the last chief died trying to contain an eldritch summoning. And you have Lady Esther, whose late husband's family literally built her house around the idea of summoning eldritch Horrors, and whose perception of the local EAD is so poor that she would rather fight off monsters with a shovel than call them in to help.

We are having a great time writing this story. :D The hope is to ultimately put it on YouTube, but we want to get the first two seasons ready before we get to that, as they contain the first major arc.

Okay, I am done now. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! Again, really appreciate the ask, and absolutely delighted to be able to ramble away like this.

Cheers!

-Inkwell

Songs of Decay tag list: @hd-literature @pure-solomon @blind-the-winds @sarah-sandwich-writes @lucianinsanity @coffeewritesfiction @surroundedbypearls @tate-lin @ettawritesnstudies

[theladysherlock]

I know you have certified amazing music taste & I would love to hear your music recs! :D I’ve been having a hard time finding new stuff recently.

Of course!!! I'll try to do a spread across the board of stuff I've been listening to that's not necessarily super well-known

Sub-Radio: you may know them from their Stacy's Dad cover, among other things, but their original stuff is really good! For you specifically, I recommend Instincts, which is about being pissed at straight people in a gay bar. But I also really love Better Than That and Wait A Minute

Camp Cope: A queer female indie punk group from Australia! They have a great range between loud & angry and soft & melodic. For loud and angry, I recommend The Opener or Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams, and for soft & melodic I recommend Caroline or One Wink At A Time. (Honorable Mention goes to Face Of God, which is just so... sad)

Haunted Like Human: They have a very similar sound to early The Crane Wives, especially with their album Tall Tales & Fables. Ghost Towns & Georgia are soooo melancholy, Stay is also pretty, and Run Devil Run has a vigilante vibe that I love

San Fermin: The two vocalists on this are either a really pretty soprano or a really deep baritone, which is great. But most importantly, every song has a sick-ass bari sax line, and not always in a jazz way. The Woods uses it in a deeply unsettling way (which is appropriate because it's an unsettling song). My other two favorites by them are Cairo and Jackrabbit.

Sarah and the Safe Word: so this group has either screamo music or like steampunk-ish, brassy burlesque style music, and I'm not a fan of the screamo stuff but that's a personal choice. Also the main singer is trans! I personally love The Last Great Sweetheart Of The Grand Electric Rodeo, which I'm pretty sure is about a vampire brothel owner, and The Louisiana Shuffle (RIP), which is about rejecting who you were and loving who you are

Noah Kahan: This is a more popular artist than some of the others, but his most recent album Stick Season is about the isolation and nostalgia that can come from growing up in a small town. My favorites off the album are Orange Juice, Stick Season, New Perspective, and Homesick

This is a broad overview, so if you have more genres I can get more specific!

[theladyyavilee]

I saw that Chris in danger theory from neethu and couldn’t help but think about your fic your heart beats my blood (my breath fills your lungs) ten out ten I’m gonna go reread it if we get anything remotely close it would Apollo gifting you and that would be awesome

SCREAM yeah neethu's theory has me feeling all kinds of ways, all of them very feral and unhinged xD I am still flipping between thinking it's gonna happen this season and thinking there is no way to fit it this season and it'll be early season 7, but SOMETHING is definitely gonna happen and just the trapped dads and the car and the water of it all is so loud, isn't it???

anyways, if they do anything even remotely like that fic, which has one of my favorite insanity-inducing concepts with the whole eddie breathing for buck while he's awake and aware thing, I am literally gonna be the most unhinged for YEARS xD (tho tbf for the real deal I want more chris involvement than that fic had, because I think gavin would love that AND pull it off so well, something more like the potential of all three of them trapped/threatened by water in some way, forcing a conversation about the will and living-for-chris of it all and the trapped parents in 5x11 arguing who should get out alive for the kids, I've had some thoughts on that too for an as-of-yet-unwritten fic xDDDD)

also also I am soooo 🥺🥺🥺🥺 about you rereading my fic, that makes me SO HAPPY to hear <3333

[goldenhypen]

ALSOOOO OMG SO SO FUN EPISODE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Spoilers for everyone who hasnt watched it AHEM

THEYRE ALL SO CUTE AND THEY LOOKED SO TINY PARAGLIDING OMG I LOST IT. SUNGHOON BEING SCARED AND JAY SHAKING LIKE GAWDDD I WAS LAUGHING IM SORRY 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 and jungwons camera falling off this episode was soooo fun ☹️☹️☹️ JAKE LOOKED ESP TINY DURING THE PARAGLIDE THINGY AND THE WAY HE WAS STILL TALKING ABT FISH. ISTG THE FISH- LIKE WE'VE BEEN WATCHING THEM TRY TO CATCH FISH FOR 4 WHOLE EPISODES AND YET NOTHING... Omg when hoon would get their hopes up like mf would just SCREAM "OMGOMGMG I GOT IT!!!!!! oh wait NVM" 😭🙏 he's hilarious without even trying ☹️ heehoonyunki living their best lives standing in that lake (? Was it a lake idk actually) from early mornings until like sunset they're so crazy.. i could never. And sunki clowning jay omg so many cute & funny things happened ☹️ LMFAO THE FIRE AND EVERYTHING LIKE THEYRE SO CHAOTIC ??????? AND SUNOO'S LAUGH I WAS LITERALLY CACKLING ALONG WITH HIM THEY WERE SO LOUD AND CUTE

AND AND AND AND the memorable moment 🙏 when rikis instructor for the paragliding let him hold onto the thingy AND THE RAPID SPINNING RIGHT BEFORE THEY LANDED HE WAS SO HAPPY THERE WERE TEARS IN MY EYES ☹️☹️ RIKI IS EVERYONES BABY Andddddd sunoo just casually talking to his instructor as if he isnt 10272827282727feet off the ground literally FLYING he was so unbothered omg

Dam this ask was super long JUST HAD TO SCREAM TO SOMEONE ABT IT BCUZ THEYRE JUST ADORABLE

‼️ SO SO FUN EP SPOILERS ‼️

oMG YES MAY THANK YOU YOURE ALWAYS THE PERSON I GET TO SCREAM OVER THE EPS WITH AHHSJJSJS

pLS YES THEY WERE SO ADORABLE and when they failed to land on their feet too sksjskd i laughed i’m sorry 😭 aND PLS JAKEY WAS SOOO CUTE :((( he was so excited for it too and when he gets excited about things i just m e l t omg and then when the paraglider instructor guy was trying to do the fun tricks with jakey and the way he got scared sjsjsjsj pls he’s so precious ,,, and yes omg 😭 when he started talking about fish with the guy pLS that was one of the highlights for me ,,, yk why? 🥹 it’s cuz jakey was the one to initiate the conversation ,, and seeing the lil extroverted side of him come out ,,, yk how much i wanna be like him in that way 😭 *sigh* he’s so cool 🥹 bUT SKSJSJSJ THEN THERES THE FACT THAT THEY HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO CATCH A N Y FISH ,, NOT EVEN A BITE THIS ENTIRE TRIP 😭 PLS 😭 AND HOON ALWAYS GETTING OUR HOPES UP 😐 we can’t trust that man anymore when it comes to fishing skjsjsjs but then back to them getting excited ,, when they drove past the part of the river (i think it is LOL maybe?) that they saw in the videos pls they were so excited :(( it makes me so happy :(( pls is it weird that i wanna go out fishing with jake 😭 it probably sounds like kinda a weird thing for me to want to do but my dad rlly likes fishing and takes me and my family out during fishing seasons and so i’ve grown to like it sksjsjsj so like ,, fishing with jake omg 🥹🫶🏻 sksjsjsjsj but yeah ,,, SKSJSKDJ ALSO YES TO EVERYTHING ELSE YOU SAID ,,, honestly i’m rlly sad that this series is coming to an end 😭 i’m a sucker for series where groups go on trips and stuff ☹️

YES OMG PLSSS RIKI WAS ALSO SO EXCITED AND IT WAS SO ADORABLE TO WATCH HE WAS HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE UGH SO SO CUTE and sksjsjsjsj yes 😭 the extroverted sunoo rlly came out pls it was adorable tho once again wish i could be extroverted like that <//3

aLSO THE NEXT EP WITH THEM IN SUITS PLS IM NOT READY FOR IT THE PREVIEW ITSELF HAD ME ON THE FLOOR CLENCHING MY HEART BEFORE IT WOULD BEAT OUT OF MY CHEST THEY LOOKED SO GOOD

[benefits1986]

Unspoken Word: Reliving Proof

When words cut, they cut so deeply... especially when you chose to silence the inner child's loudest shrieks.

TGIF! For some weird reason, I was greeted by "V is back on Viber" notif very early in the morning. Fucking telco must have rehashed his churned SIM, because consumerism is getting more and more hardcore these days and nights, too.

I've revisited the crazy lanes leading back to spoken word which started in 201X. It was during the time when Saguijo or B Side is full and when it's too tasking to drive to Cubao X. It was when I was downing rum coke during lunch time because it's the sedative I need to keep me up past midnight in the name of deadlines. Honestly, the roads lead back in 200X when I wanted to go to Sanctum's gigs in Intra but of course, mother dragon policed me. Kulang na lang i-bartolina niya ako. LOL. I told her that spoken word is a derivative of public speaking stints she forced down my unwilling throat, so, now, let me do it my way. Syempre, ako na lang daw maging nanay. Probably the reason why she axed my PLM acceptance letter even when I got accepted in Psych. Speaking of psych, apart from being a teacher, I really wanted to dabble with human interactions as a perpetual people watcher. LOL. It's kind of effortless and rewarding. Mom said, baliw-baliw ka na. Baka matuluyan ka pa. Writer? Teacher? Psych? Lawyer? Anak, mag-nurse ka. :D Me: Ayoko nga kasi.

But, I guess, my current location and my destination is a Venn Diagram of all the things I've been dreaming about; thanks to digital x start up, and now with a hefty dose of corporate un-gaming. LOL.

Before starting Friday, I actually came across LIVING PROOF after a series of really cute-in-your-ass pakawala ni Rudy Francisco. Happy vibes pa ako nung unang part ng PL then, ayun na ngaaaa. Living Proof played. Must be the algo gods and goddesses. Must be the three fates watching over me in real time, all the time.

While I was going about my usual grind which starts kinda early, I actually teared up. The tears didn't roll down my chubby cheeks. They wetted my eye. HUY. Ang hirap kasi talaga umiyak. Mas pipiliin ko pang magpa-tat or mapaso ng mainit na kawali or worse, mapaso 'yung tat ko na may lead content ng steam ng kakaluto lang na kanin, which happened in real life by the way. Mom got super angry, dragon x beast x cyborg mode kasi nga raw, walang mapapala sa tats. LOL. Sabi ko, 'di naman masakit. She laughed and said, lumubo na balat mo, nagde-deny ka pa rin? Tao ka noh. Tao ka. Hahahahaha. Me: Mas masakit ka pa rin manakit, ma. So, this is not hitting the benchmark. This time around, the cry I cried is not too intrusive. Actually, when I think about it now, it's an interesting cry. OPAK. Hindi siya emo lang. It touches my ego, too. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ego over heartbreak no more na nga ba tayo this 2024? Pasavogue. Let's not go there yet kasi... ang lala ng overthinking ko na naman. I KENNAT, MHIE. HUY. Hahahahaha.

'Di ko pa rin syempre perfect 'yung pag-tune in sa emotional state ko pero losing V in 2023 is life-changing. I remember saying out loud while typing my usual pabilin at pakisuyo sa office na: V, bakit kasi wala ka na? Pero, thank you. As in. You may be wondering why the fuck TGIF turned into a cry sesh so early in the morning? Eto na. 'Di ko sure if kaya kong easy-han. But, let's go dahil dami pang trabahong bahay and small projects piling up for Japan 2024 kabogstra edition. I fucking mean it. Baon na lang talaga ako at baka bike pa-BGC. Hahahaha. Pero shemay naman kasi 'yung optimal na daan. It's giving man in the moon na walang lunar rover. :p As a claustrophobic, hassle neto, in theory pa nga lang. LOL. Sana magkaroon na ng friggin' biking lanes at sana manalo Fighting Maroons bukas na para 'di ko na siya isipin next week. Pamaskong handog na lang. Parang awa niyo na. Season '86, please be mine. :p

Soooo, V... V is my constant OG sa work ko ngayon ages ago. SHEMAY. HUY. He started kinda young and legit ang data x insights niya as a troll online and offline. LELS. He walked me through the valleys, the plains, the plateau, the hills, the mountains.

Alam mo 'yung siya pinaka OK kausap kahit dami niyang baon na slapstick 80s and 90s dad jokes at his young age. UGH. Lambing ni V, aya kape and yosi. Tahimik lang siya pero sa umpisa lang 'yun. When I was trying out for my current post back in Summer 2023, sabi ko talaga: V, paano na 'yan? Wala ka na? Wala na akong cheat sheet. Wala na akong lifeline. Hayup ka talaga. HAHAHAHA. If V was still here today, malamang boogsh ako doon. V taught me to trust the process in a world that I just saw in Jobstreet. V showed me how to remain calm even when the world is burning inside out. Daanin mo lang sa rifts and good vibes and more dad jokes na NSFW at times. V's guitar breaks in our office allows me to check on his headspace, too. There's something in his eye that tells me that there's something bad happening in him and that he is asking for help. HUY. He's not the one to cry often, but when he does, HUY, I KENNAT. Bakit ko naaalala now mga bits and pieces ng mala-bunso kong kapatid rn? Siguro, it's time na nga.

V never fails to swing the bat and hit home run kahit andaming strike out naman kasi talaga ng mundo forda bills namin. When under attack, nakatitig lang siya sa isang spot. Fave niya si Jet Li and 'pag Tekken naman si Law. He's a multihypenate with a real humble pero humble brag head over his sturdy yet seemingly shaking shoulders. Petite guy siya kahit 'yung appetite niya, wagas. LOL.

Bigwas ang lambing ko sa kanya. Later, nung natuto na sa mga batas ng mundo ng digital, V allowed me to be in my element. HUY. Bakit naiiyak na naman ako so early in the morning? V is also my confidante during times na top tier turned trash ako because I am unfiltered talaga. He told me that he knows what I am and what I am not, and he's got me; kaya lang vox populi e. Hahahahaha. And that, he knows that things will be better, and I will come through. Those happened. Top tier-trasher ang naging branding ko. Bargas na wagas pero may moral compass. Sabi pa niya noon, 'di raw kasi lahat gusto marinig ang hard truth and that only a very few step up and own up. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Iyak-tawa ako e. V never showed me atrocity, to be honest even when I was burnt severely and nailed to the cross. Sabi nga niya, phoenix burns and rise again, ate. Hahahahaha. Kahit ilang beses pa 'yang burn na 'yan. Ikaw pa ba? Ikaw pa? LOL.

V is gentle and firm. LUH. And as I am penning yet another thought and feel fart, let this be a reminder as to how far I've gone and that while V is not is not in this universe anymore, his presence, his lessons, his mistakes, his flaws, his wins, his loses are with me. As a recovering suicidal na may paganaps na namang dark thoughts in 2023, hahahahahaha... okay, fine. Hintayin ko na lang 'yung right time to see that very bright light again sa tamang panahon. Siguro rin, kaya taas energy ko nung Friday is because of that tiny cry feast. I guess this is me, atoning for my scarlet sins the right way. I see V in my juniors, equals and bosses, to be honest. LOL. Parang naghe-hello si V several times of the day. I guess, I am indeed training my feel muscles and memory, too. HUY. Shemay. Can I go there na ba talaga? Bakit may piercing pain as I am keying these in? Bakittt? Siguro, road to a me, only better na nga talaga tayo. HAHAHAHAHA.

Baka naman, girl. Baka naman. Or baka naman ginugusto ko 'to kasi women have 80% of autoimmune disease because they suppress emotions, ika ni Gabor Mate. DAMNNN. Mother dragon is not just another statistic. She is a stern warning. Maybe, she's a gentle and firm reminder, too. Sabi nga niya: Don't commit the mistakes I made, anak. Learn from them. LUH. O baka naman, overthinking na naman ako and ayaw ko lang magpa-check up sa immunologist, allergologist atbp kasi mhie, I've been there, fucked that hard na talaga. HAHAHAHAHA. Okay. Labas na ako ng basura, bayad bills atbp. Laters ulit. Busy reliving! OPAK. :P 'Di ko kinaya pero baka naman makaya na, for realzzz. CHZ.

[fangirlings-things]

— Lost Without You I

anon said: hey! could you please write a song fic with anthony bridgerton, I don't have any specific song in mind, but just some angst would be perfect because you write it soooo beautifully :') hope this is ok, kissess

A/N: hey, love!! I faced this as somewhat as a challenge and it was quite amazing to write!! thank you sooo much for your words, I sincerely hope you like this 💖

*this is supposed to have two parts, so if you guys like it and want the rest, please let me know your thoughts 🥰 lots of love

TAG LIST: @for-bebbanburg ; @venusflwer ; @avrilstaro || GIF CREDIT: @fifty5hades

This is based in Freya Ridings song, Lost Without you

Fandom: Bridgerton

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x female reader

Word count: 6.3K

Summary: One would need to be Lady Whistledown to know about the ever existent bond between the eldest Bridgerton son, Anthony, and Lady (Y/N) Kerrington. They made a good work at hiding their intentions even from their own families. According to their plan, when the Miss came to age, they would marry each other quite fastly, since they had been courting one another through the entirety of their lives. (Y/N) Kerrington thought so too, but the Viscount's actions and decisions, changed it all.

[ I ]

“Have you two gone completely mad?”

Turning around, within the heavy rain and through the drops of water that kept falling from the sky and soaked your whole body, seeming to permanently attach your dress to your skin, you saw Anthony Bridgerton standing at the back door of his own house, protected by the rain.

He had his forehead frowned in confusion as he stared at you and his sister, Daphne, whom stood by your side at the Bridgerton’s garden. His hair was a bit of a mess, like he had been sleeping recently and his hands were on his waist. His eyes, deep brown eyes that made him look a lot older than he really was by the intensity they carried, were fixed upon you.

“Join us, brother!” Daphne invited, laughing as she turned her face upwards and enjoyed the feel of the rain directly on her features. Her arms were open alongside her body, as she embraced the rain. That was something you both liked doing together, ever since your early childhood days.

“No, I will not sister and you two really should get out of there before you fall ill!” her older brother replied and the tangible worry in his voice made you smile more largely than you did before.

“It could be fun, Anthony!” you said to him and with a spark of joy, did not fail to notice how he squeezed his lips on a thin line for a moment at hearing you call him by his first name. Such thing could be seen as a lack of manners that being if, you had not known each other through the entirety of your lives, which allowed you to comfortable around every single member of the Bridgerton family.

Your family, the Kerrington’s, had been the Bridgerton’s neighbor even before you had been born. Both families, that had a similar amount of money and same high position in society, had always been closely bond to one another. You had grown up with Daphne as your best friend, frequenting her house or she yours almost every single day. Her siblings had always been nice to you and you loved them all as if they were your own siblings.

But not Anthony.

Oh no, Anthony was a completely different thing.

There was nothing brotherly in the way you thought of him and such thoughts were only intensified by some situations you found yourself in like this very one, where he seemed to be genuinely considering your words after having just denied his sister’s. Little actions that instigated your fantasies.

“If I do, only for a moment, will you come back to the house with me afterwards?” he questioned, ever so serious, looking from you to his sister and then back at you.

You looked at Daphne who had turned her head back down and as soon as she smiled mischievously at you and raised her eyebrows, you turned back to Anthony. “We swear!”

Anthony nodded his head in agreement and then sighted heavily. His eyes went to the dark sky for a few moments, the entirety of it made of grey clouds filled with drops of water that had not yet fallen. You watched with the most absolute attention as he mumbled something to himself under his breath before finally stepping away from the house’s protection and starting to make his way towards you both.

When he reached you and Daphne, his hair was already soaked with water and was attached to his forehead. Drops of water ran down his handsome face. His white shirt was now as good as nothing, the details of his arms and chest now exposed to your wanting eyes. “Is it enough?”

“You did not have fun yet” Daphne argued immediately and with the same smile as before on her lips, kicked a puddle of water, splashing quite some in his already wet pants. The angry expression on his face made her laugh loudly her unique laugh.

You laughed also, and then found his gaze landing on yours once more. “Are you on her side, (Y/N)?” a drop of water right in that moment ran down his nose and fell in the grass. He stood close, closely than you had noticed before. Just two steps, and you could have touched his chest.

As you lost yourself in such a tempting and inappropriate thought, Lady Bridgerton appeared on the back door, in the exact same spot Anthony had been before, her mouth hanging open in shock for moment as she saw what has occurring on her own garden. “What is happening? Anthony Bridgerton! You allowed your sister and Miss (Y/N) to such recklessness?” Anthony did not even turn around at hearing his mother’s angry voice, just sighted once again and looked at Daphne when she laughed hard like before. “Come inside right now, the three of you, before you fall ill!”

“My exact same words” Anthony said, eyes on the grass, as you three obediently walked back to the inside of the Bridgerton’s house.

“Sorry to get you in trouble, brother” Daphne said, but both her tone and expression made it clear that she had not even a bit of regret. When reaching the back door, she was the first one to rush inside and disappear in the corridors after getting a blanket from her mother, leaving a trail of water behind her.  

“I apologize, Anthony” you said, smile having completely faded away now. Eyes on the floor because you refused to look him in the eye. You took no pleasure in causing him any kind of trouble, especially with his mother, whom now had stepped away to get another two blankets.  

Anthony did realize your afflictions, because he instantly replied. “All is well, (Y/N), do not worry” the softness of his tone made you raise your eyes. You were surprised to find him smiling at you. “By the end of the night, my mother will have forgiven me already”

You smiled because of the confidence on his voice. “I am glad”

You both went silent then, the heavy rain outside continuing to fall and the distant thunders seeming to be as loud as ever. With your eyes locked in one another’s, none of you said a thing. It was a peaceful moment, an intimate one. Shared by just the two of you.

“Oh, my dear, you must be freezing!” Lady Violet Bridgerton came back with two other blankets and carefully placed one around your shoulders, wrapping you in it and without even knowing, ruining one of the best moments you could think of. “What will your mother think of my hospitality if she finds out what has happened in my own garden! Come, Daphne will borrow you a dress for the evening” as she made you walk away after having given the other blanket to Anthony, you could feel his gaze burning your back.

Oh, how you wished to turn back around and stare into his eyes in peaceful silence once more.

[ II ]

“Are you nervous about the next season?” Daphne asked as she looked at you from the couch she sat in, in one of the many rooms in the Bridgerton’s house.

Having taken your place in the very couch that faced hers, you sighted. “Of course” you looked down at your hands, that were joined in your lap. “We are to be wed in the next season already. How could I not be” a pure nervous laugh escaped your mouth as you admitted so. In hopes that no one would see, by the corner of your eye, you looked over at Anthony, who was sitting at a small table, reading a book. He was always your dream when you thought of marriage.

“You should not worry too much, (Y/N)” Benedict, who had been playing with Gregory for the past twenty minutes, came to sit by your side in a relaxed position. “You will have many suitors, I am sure. Daphne, though­…” the unfinished sentence had the desired effect, because Daphne opened her mouth with an offended expression and you laughed with Benedict. In your own mind, you thanked him for being so good and helping to ease some of your tension.

“While (Y/N) marries a gentleman, Daphne will find herself being courted by an old man with no hair left in his head” Colin joined the fun and Daphne’s only response was to roll her eyes and cross her arms over her chest. Benedict though, once again laughed loudly.

“Benedict and Colin Bridgerton, stop making fun of your sister!” Lady Bridgerton said from her spot at the other side of the room as she walked towards your small group. Her expression though betrayed her tone, because she had a small pleased smile on her lips. “I am sure both of them will find a very good match and will be happily wed by the end of the next season, with gentlemens of the highest esteem”

"I hope so, mama" Daphne said truly, smiling at her mother. In the same moment, the sound of a chair being dragged against the floor caught everyone's attention and you all looked in that direction in time to see Anthony storming out the room. You frowned as you wondered what had happened, concern filling your being before you could even control your own emotions.

Not wanting to cause a fush about it, since all the others had apparently ignored his departure as something ordinary, you waited a few minutes in which you pretended to hear the words spoken by Benedict and his mother before you excused yourself and once out in the corridors, started to look for Anthony.

You found him on the library, his face was turned away from you but you could quite well imagine his mood by whatever it was that afflicted him, for the way he moved, tense and yet fast. That was not like Anthony Bridgerton at all.

"Anthony?" you called while entering the room, unsure if you should even disturb him in such time. He had gone away with the clear intention of being alone but still... you could not help it. You had to know he was well.

The sound of your voice made him turn around in the exact same instant and he went to you with a serious expression on his features, so serious it only served to increase your concern. "Anthony, what is—" before you could even finish, he walked past you and for a second you thought he was going to leave but then, he surprised you by closing the door and shuting you both inside. Alone. His expression did not change at all. You stared at him like was crazy. "Anthony, what are you doing? If your mother finds out we are in here alone she will never allow me into your house again!"

And you could not even bare that thought. Yes, Lady Violet was a nice woman, she had never objected you and Daphne at playing with the boys when you were children and as you grown up, she found it pleasing that all of you enjoyed each other's company so much but still, now that you were practically of age to marry, to be without a chaperone in a closed room with a man who was not from your family, it was a scandal. Even if that man was the one you loved with all your heart and had known since forever.

"(Y/N)" he said, taking a deep breath and walking towards you, ignoring your previous words like they meant nothing. He clearly did not see the danger. He stopped a mere step away, looking into your eyes with such meaning you suddenly found it difficult to breathe. His eyes, were as troubled as a storm day. It confused you. "I—" he stopped, took anothet deep breath, looked at his feet. Then he raised his eyes to yours again with renewed determination. "I want to—" again, he seemed to lack the words to finish his thought and clearly frustrated, looked away once more, this time at a point above your head.

All of his actions and words made no sense at all to you and frankly, you started to wonder if he was not drunk, even though you had not seen him drinking. "Anthony, you are concerning me" you said simply, and that statement made in a low, careful tone seemed to be enough to make him snap out of whatever it was that was holding him back.

"I want you to make me a promise, (Y/N)" you opened your mouth to ask him what he meant by that but he was quicker and shockingly taking your hands in his as he kept staring into your eyes, answered to your unspoken question. "I want you to promise me that if I propose to you, you will at least perhaps consider marrying me"

All air left your lungs. Surely, you had heard it wrong. There was no way Anthony Bridgerton, your ever being passion, had just expressed his intentions of proposing to you in the future. That could not be true. Dreams are not realized just like that.

"A-Anthony..." you began, heart pounding in your chest like never before.

The Bridgerton mistook your surprise by hesitation and immediately let go of your hands and stepped back, creating some distance between you both. "I apologize for being so forward. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable"

"Uncomfortable? Anthony, I do not believe I have ever been happier!" as it was his turn to frown in confusion, you were the one who approached him and smiled brightly while looking into his eyes. "I promise, of course! I want to marry you, Anthony. I really do" you looked down and slowly, joined your hands together like he had done before. "Deep down, I believed you had already noticed my affection towards you"

"It crossed my mind once or twice, but I thought it was just my mind fooling me. I dared not to believe you felt the same way I did" he chuckled, happily. You thought you had never seen him with a smile as big as that one on his face. "Hearing my brothers and mother talking about you marrying someone else in there, I could not stand it" he admitted, and a glimpse of shame seemed to cross his features for a moment. "In the next season, when you will be presented in society, I will propose to you. And if you desire to, we will get married"

Trying to control your own happiness, that was immesurable because everything seemed to be perfect, you nodded your head in agreement. "We will get married"

[ III ]

The months were passing too fast. Already, you had only a few months before the season in which you would be presented in society and it would be expected of you to be well married soon.

I will marry Anthony, you thought to yourself with a smile on your face as you enjoyed the peace and quiet of your bedroom for a while. Staring at the ceiling above your head, you had no doubt that everything would work out just fine.

If he was a man of no fortune, your father and mother (your mother especially) would for certain object to your union. But he was Bridgerton, their status and wealth were as high as your own if not bigger and so, there would absolutely be no arguing. You dared to say, she would even be thrilled by the fact that you were going to marry the one day to be Viscount.

Nothing could go wrong, you thought to yourself while smiling still. He loved you. Just as you loved him. With the same intensity and amount of desire, you had seen it in his eyes when he had spoken his mind in the Bridgerton library. You would be happy together, really happy.

Knocks on the door got your attention. "Sister, mind if I come in?"

Immediately in surprise, you sat up and laughing softly because of the joy that hearing his voice brought you, spoke. "Do come in!"

The door was opened then, and you watched as your brother slipped inside of your room, smiling down at you with a warm smile. Without saying a word he opened his arms and you without a moment of hesitation, threw yourself in his arms and hugged him tightly. "I have missed you too, dear" he said with a laugh escaping his mouth.

Only after several moments you stepped back, to be able to really look at him. Thomas Kerrington, your older brother, was smiling as he looked at you. He wore his uniform, and he looked beautiful in it. The pride of the family, the youngest soldier ever made Coronel because of his courage and whom  recieved the command of complete troops of soldiers only weeks later. Since he had joined the Royal Army, you barely saw him twice a year. He was too valuable to be away from action often and you understood that but still, you missed your brother.

"How long will you be staying?" you asked while pulling him towards your bed by the hand, and making him sit down with you.

"Just a couple of days" he answered, smile fading a bit just as you did. Thomas still squeezed your hand in his. "My regiment is being moved and as we are going to be facing hard months soon, I thought it would be nice to see my family" he watched your eyes for a few moments and then, opened a bright smile again and put the sadness aside, like it was typical of Thomas. He always knew how to bring happiness into a room. "Are you excited for the next season?" the young Coronel was not married himself. Having since very soon been involved in the Army's business and interests, court a wife had not been a priority to him and still was not.

"I am, actually" you admitted, looking down at your joined hands as all your thoughts about Anthony and the prospect of marrying him came rushing back into your mind. You and Thomas had always been close, really close. He was a incredible brother who loved his little sister very much and was always there for her. The thought of confiding in someone seemed nice, and whom could be better to do that with than your brother? "I already know who I want to marry, brother"

"Is that so?" raising your eyes to meet his, you saw that he was still smiling. "And is he a good man?" you nodded your head, and Thomas inspected your eyes with his. "Are you sure he will make you happy, sister?"

"I have no doubt" you replied, confident.

Thomas chuckled by your certainty. "Very well then, I guess I have no reason to object to such union" he passed one of his arms around your shoulders and brought you close to him, so you would lay your head on his shoulder. It was so good, to have him there in that moment. "Will you tell me his name, perhaps?"

You thought about it for a moment. He was your brother, you were sure he would not tell anyone. And even though he and Anthony had never been very close friends, they always got along well. But you should not, not when you and Anthony had come into an agreement of keeping it a secret. At least for now. "Come back during the season and, perhaps, you will get here in time to our wedding" you said and the sound of Thomas laugh filled the bedroom.

"Does it have a date already?" accompanying him in laughter, you appreciated your brother's presence. Very much.

[ IV ]

"It does sound like an interest book" you told Eloise with honesty, after having just read some pages of the book she had been reading herself and after some discussion about the quality of it with Daphne, asked you to give an opinion on it.

"Thank you, (Y/N)" Eloise smiled brightly at you and then extended the smile towards Daphne, who sitting on the couch across from you two, rolled her eyes because you had taken her sister's side. "At least you know how to appreciate a good book"

"Perhaps you should consider respecting my opinion, Eloise" Daphne told her younger sibling, with a bit of annoyance in her voice. Those two were always bickering with each other and you, as the oldest best friend, was always around to witness it.

"I do respect your opinion, sister, I simply think that it is not a wise one" you gave the book back to the younger Bridgerton while she said so.

Daphne seemed to be ready to give her a proper reply when Anthony entered the room. His eyes met yours and he smiled tenderly at you for a moment before looking at his sisters. "Have you both seen mother and father?"

"They went to accompany the Kerrington's to the market" Daphne said, referring to your parents, and you nodded in agreement.

"Oh, well" he placed his hands on his waist and sighted. "I shall wait for them to return, then"

"Continuing to plan your travel, brother?" Eloise asked, opening the book back to the page in which she had stopped reading.

"Travel?" you could not stop yourself before echoing the word, surprise quickly taking a hold of you. Your eyes went to Anthony instantly and by the expression on his face, you saw that he was not pleased with Eloise for having said so much.

"Anthony has decided he is going to travel for a while, explore the world alone and live some adventures perhaps" Daphne said, also turning around to look at her brother. "Colin will not stop talking about how much he wants to do the same one day"

"Oh, I see" it took all you had to maintain a natural, comfortable expression on your face. He was going to travel. Just a few months before the season in which you should be married. How long would he stay away? When would he return? Would he ever? All of those thoughts filled your mind and made your heartbeat get faster and faster. You dared not to say anything. No one knew about your intentions to marry one another, and you had agreed to keep it in that way.

Anthony, knowing you so well, clearly saw through your contained emotion. "I just remembered, (Y/N)! Benedict is asking for your opinion in one of his latest sketches, will you accompany me?" it was a lie. You could see that it was, even though his sisters did not see through the fake smile on his face.

Forcing a smile and nodding in agreement briefly, you got up, telling Daphne you would be right back, to which she agreed. After that, you followed Anthony out of the room and to one of the corridors close to the kitchen, where there was no one else by that time. Anthony stopped there, turned around to look at you and sighted heavily because of your sad expression. "I did not mean for you to find out like that"

You raised your eyes to meet his at that, in pure disbelief. "And how was I supposed to find out? Through Daphne, when you had already left?"

"I was going to tell you tomorrow, at dinner" he said in a rush, looking around after a moment to make sure there was absolutely no one there. He took the time to make sure his voice was low as he spoke. "Nothing has changed, (Y/N). I will marry you. This travel, it will take two months, maybe a bit more but nothing great. The season is in three months. I will be back in time, I promise"

You stared into his eyes deeply, worry filling your expression still. Under your inspection, he seemed so genuine and decided. It felt like he had everything planned, had thought everything through. "Are you sure this is what you want?" you asked then, not thinking of yourself, but of him. Travels made alone could be dangerous. And if something happened to him... you did not even wanted to consider that idea.

"I am, (Y/N)" he stepped even closer to you and held your hands, like he had a habit of to. You did like the familiarity of that simple touch. "I want to marry you, but first, I would like to see the world. Later, I shall be all yours"

The honesty in his voice made you smile, emotion was so strong your eyes went blurry with tears. "Then you must go. Do as you desire and when you get back, I will be eager to know all about what you have seen"

Anthony smiled. Letting go of one of your hands and bringing it to cup your face, he sighted. "You are the goodest person I have ever known"

You smiled, leaning into his touch.

Before, you had been nervous by the arrival of the social season. Now, all you wanted was for it to come quickly. As quickly as possible.

[ V ]

"If I may say, you look astonishing tonight, Lady Kerrington" Lord Edwards said, with a polite smile on his lips after having just given you a glass of a drink he had gotten from the Queen's table.

The ball had begun sometime around an hour before. The ball thrown by the Queen herlself that declared opened the social season. You were now, officially able to be courted and expected to be married by the end of it, if you had success. You had gone with your mother and father and as they had stepped away to talk to some friends, you had been left alone in the room and seeing the opportunity, Lord Edwards had approached you.

He was a gentleman, Lord Edwards. He was young, handsome, quite wealthy and his manners were flattering. By a young Lady's, like yourself, point of view, he should be the perfect husband. But not for you.

Because he was not Anthony.

Just to think of his name, it brought back the pain of missing him. Since the day in which he left for his travel, you had not seen him again. Of course, his journey had been cut short because his father, the Viscount Bridgerton, had died tragically all of the sudden, at a young age. It made Anthony have to make the arrangements to return sooner than expected.

And he did. A month and a half after he had parted, he was forced to return because he was now, the Viscount. As the eldest son, he had the responsibility of being there for his family, especially in such a tragic time.

Until this very day, you had not seen him since his return. As Daphne's best friend, you were still always in the Bridgerton residence, after her father's death even more, because you provided the young Lady the comfort she needed. There, you only caught glimpes of him once or twice, a rushed greeting that ended up with him leaving the room seconds later.

You did not blame him for it, of course not. His life had changed so much and so suddenly that it would be a challenge for everyone in his position. He should concentrate in the matters of importance for his family, it was needed. You would not bother him with affairs that were not urgent at the time. No, everything was set, also. He would propose sometime after doing some courting in the season, and you two would get happily married. And that would be it.

Looking around the ballroom, everytime the doors were opened you would look, expecting to see Daphne arrive. It would be nice to have a friend in the same situation you were in. As Lord Edwards went on in a conversation about his great interest in social events, you looked down at your dress. It was a beautiful blue dress, made with soft fabric. The little details here and there made it even more beautiful. Part of your hair had been pulled up and placed there delicately while leaving the rest of strands released freely, in a hair style that you did not fail to notice, got quite some attention from some of the other young Ladys.

Lord Edwards had just began his affirmation of how much he enjoyed the city rather than the country, when the doors were again opened and this time when you looked, your expectations were indeed achieved.

Daphne had just arrived. She looked absolutely gorgeous, making you smile instantly. At her right side stood her mother, Lady Bridgerton, ever an elegant woman and at her left side, stood Anthony.

Oh, the way your pulse accelerated at the sight of him. He was absolutely handsome, wearing the most formal clothes he had. His dark hair was as always that elegant mess you never got enough of. His eyes were inspecting the room, you smiled thinking that perhaps, he could be looking for you.

"Will you excuse me, Lord Edwards?"  you said suddenly to the Lord, interrupting him in the middle of a sentence and he, a bit sad and yet completely polite, just nodded his head and bid you farewell.

You found yourself walking towards the small Bridgerton group, feet seeming to carry you there on their own even though you did know it would be reasonable to wait. But no, you could not help it.

"(Y/N) you look absolutely gorgeous!" Daphne exclaimed when she saw you, smiling as you stopped right in front of her. "Look, Mama, how beautiful she is!" you felt your cheeks get a bit red under your friend's compliments and the fact that you knew, that Anthony was hearing them and beside her, inspected you with his eyes also.

"My Lady Kerrington, how your mother must be proud of having such a lovely daughter!" Lady Bridgerton said, and that filled you with joy.

"I am sure you should be the one who is proud, Lady Bridgerton, because I have no doubt in my mind that Daphne will be the diamond of the season" your friend smiled as she made sense to your words and then, as you fell silent for a moment, you turned to her left to look at Anthony, whom had stayed silent until them. As your eyes met, it was as if sparks were flying all around you. "Viscount Bridgerton"

"Lady Kerrington" he replied. The kind of smile you expected to see in his features was not there.  His eyes did not stare at you for a long while before he looked away. That was unsual. Before you could make up some conversation, a Lord came closer and asked Daphne for a dance. You watched with a smile as he stepped away with the man and then, as Lady Bridgerton came into a conversation with Lady Danbury, Anthony surprised you by stepping closer to you. "Lady Kerrington, mind if we have a word?" 

"Of—" you did not even finished before he had already began to walk away from the doors, where the greatest amount of people were gathered around. Frowning, you rushed as graciously as you could after him, stopping only to leave your glass, that had been given to you by Lord Edwards, on a table.

Anthony only stopped walking when you were both close to one of the walls of the room, just enough away from others so no one could hear what you spoke about or if they did, would not pay much attention to it. Facing each other, after so long, it felt amazingly good. "It is nice to see you, (Y/N)" his voice was low, so no one would hear him call you by your first name.

You smiled, eyes meeting in a way that made your heart beat even faster, which you did not think was quite possible. "It is nice to see you too, Anthony" your voice was as low as he was. "I have missed—"

"I have to tell you something, (Y/N)" he cut you off shortly, eyes not on yours them. There was something in Anthony that did not seem like him at all. His jaw was clenched, his body was all uptight. He seemed more distant to you now than he had ever been in his travel on the other side of the world.

"Very well" you took a moment to be able to get those words out, because all of your happiness had already began to slip away. Surely, there were bad news coming ahead. The way he looked... or even better, did not look at you, that could not mean nothing good. "What is it?"

Anthony did not speak quite instantly. He looked around the room for a while, then took a deep breath. "I can not marry you, (Y/N)"

That felt like a punch. Right to your stomach, making you sick and your head spin like you had suddenly been privated from air itself. And even though you had to fight back the tears of confusion that dared to fall from your eyes, Anthony did not seem to share your emotion at all. He looked stern, decided.

"W-what happened?" you asked, voice trembling and honestly one string away from failing completely. He did not say anything. You were the one to take a deep breath then. "Anthony, look me in the eye" and only then he did. He looked right at you and you felt your heart break in a million pieces. "I understand if because of your father and your new title, you do not find marriage the most important thing right now. I really understand. You must have enough duties and responsibilities at the moment. But there is no problem. I will wait for you, Anthony. I will—"

"I do not want you to wait for me, (Y/N)" Anthony's tone was decisive. "It has nothing to do with my father or my responsibilities"

Your confusion only grew more and more and what you thought would be an amazing evening, was quickly revealing itself to be an awful one. "Then what—"

"I have someone else" he said and before you could even take in that information, he went on with his narrative. "I met her after I came back from my travel, in the occasion of my father's death. I have been with her ever since. I was with her before I came here today. I have been avoiding you all this time, because I did not have the courage to tell you about this. But I figured that this could no longer be postponed"

Your vision was so blurry you could not even see his face clearly. He had someone else. He did not want to marry you. "You said you loved me" were the words you spoke. You hoped no one was looking at you two because if they were, you had no doubt about how crushed you looked.

That simple phrase seemed to finally get a reaction from Anthony. He looked away from you for another moment, took another deep breath. And then, looked back into your eyes. "I am sorry, (Y/N). But she is the one that I truly love" and even though he showed a small reaction then, it was not even close to the amount required to such matter. He was dealing with you as if  you were a simple affair that had to be taken care of. He had indeed become the Viscount, after all.

You swallowed the knot in your throat, spent countless silent moments trying to fight back the tears. And you stared into Anthony's eyes, and made him see just how much you loved him. Just how much he had hurt you. "I wish you happiness, Viscount Bridgerton"

You saw that Anthony swallowed dry. "(Y/N)..."

But you did not stay to hear what he had to say. You turned around and without being able to contain yourself made a run to the door, attracting everyone's attention to you. Tears fell from your eyes and you were so desoriented that you ran right into someone's chest. Cleaning the tears away with your hands, you met Lord Edwards eyes. "Lady Kerrington, are you well?" Without answering him, you continued to run to the door and only stopped when you felt the cold air of the night on your skin.

You cried, hurt by a man who had just made clear he did not want to marry you. He did not want you at all. You wanted to leave. You wanted to lock yourself in your bedroom and not get out anytime soon. Maybe never.

But most of all, what you really wanted but could not have, was your older brother. The comfort only he could give you in that moment.

[ VI ]

Dear readers,

From this author's perspective, after last night's ball, this social season looks quite promising. Young Ladies were presented into society in search of husbands, mothers have inspected their suitors and the Queen watched it all from her throne, seeming entertained. The night was filled with courting and dances, really a magical night for all the debutantes'.

It came to this author's ears though, that the night was not so magical for everyone. It seems that the young Lady Kerrington and Viscount Bridgerton were seen sharing a very meaningful conversation before she left the event in tears. What did they say to each other, is the question that remains. More specifically, what could the Viscount have said that made the young Lady feel so heartbroken?

Let us be attentive to the upcoming events, dear readers. If I learn to know something interesting in the future, and I always do, you all will the be the ones I share the not so secret with.

This author was a feeling, that many more scandals are yet to come.

Lady Whistledown

[yarboyandy]

Ok I was going to record a podcast but I am notorious for having Foot in mouth syndrome and can't ever like properly articulate what I wanna say so instead of a podcast I will just do a text post for my feelings of season 1 of DS9

Whew I really enjoyed season 1! I think this is probably the best opening season to a Star Trek show so far. TNG's first season was pretty slow to me and had a difficult time balancing characters and keeping them consistent, and TOS had a super slow start and some pretty slow episodes. DS9 does a better job at keeping the characters consistent and does a good job at balancing a large cast of characters

The plot is interesting because you get a mixture of Starfleet personnel and non-star fleet personal. They focus a lot on how the war has affected the two sides, mostly Bajorians, and how they react to it now. I also like that they didn't make it so the war was over and now everyone is friends, but instead there are still bad things happening on both sides and the mixed feelings that other groups have.

In terms of character, Sisko is one of the best star trek characters so far. Picard was too serious at times and I think was a bit too stiff with other crew members. Sisko is able to be understanding of others and listen to all sides of an argument, but also is honest and is able to communicate his feelings. I also think having him be a father is a good addition to his character, but we always see him be a good and understanding dad and is able to seperate work and home. I love Beverly of course but I felt like there were many instances where she picked the enterprise crew over wesley which was annoying. I also think that O'brien is great in this series! I am an O'brien girl. Dax and Julian are great too, I like that Dax has memories from past hosts but is able to be her own character. I didn't love the episode where Julians imagination of like a submissive Dax tried to have sex with him, that was kinda weird.

I like Odo, Kira, and Quark a lot as characters not in Star Fleet. It's definitely an interesting angle to see their mixed feelings towards an organization thats been billed as the best thing to happen in the universe. We see it more in Odo and Kira, but Quark gets some too. I think this has some great character development for Odo earlier on too, as we see his untrusting nature to Sisko and some other star fleet officers, but is quick to realize no one is replacing him. I like Kira too, she's a strong character but they aren't afraid to show her struggles and grief. It makes you understand her better unlike other characters with similar personalities that are kinda rude for no reason. I liked the episode with her and the old guy, showing how war affects anyone, no matter the age and involvement. She knows she did the right thing, but still regrets it.

Quark is soooo fun too on a lighter note. I like him and Odo's friendship, You can tell they really do care about each other but refuse to say it out loud. Odo hates that he cares about Quark, but I don't think Quark minds it too much. I like in the early episodes of season 1 where they're just chilling. I also like his relationship with Nog, but I know that changes later on.

Some things I didnt like is how early they introduced Gashir. I liked his episode but it was kinda weird they introduced him in a very early episode and then did nothing with him again. They should have introduced him a bit later in the season or maybe season 2. I also was kinda sad that one security officer disappeared after his second episode. I would've liked to see him and Odo's relationship grow.

Ok thats all ^_^ starting season 2

[oh-my-may]

Bokuto, Nishinoya, Oikawa and Terushima reacting to their s/o wearing their jersey

requested: hihi may i request headcannons of Bokuto, Noya, Oikawa and Terushima (seperate) where their s/o is wearing their volley jersey/jacket and their reaction of it please？ thank you! ♡

I am back from the dead lmao, can you believe? I know it’s hard to, but in a brilliant moment this week I suddenly had the urge to write something haikyuu related again soooo... this happened. Hope I didn’t forget how to write this stuff, it’s been a few weeks. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Also I don’t think I’ll be back with posting regularly again, because there’s still a shit ton of other things coming my way this month, but maybe afterwards it’ll be better again? Can’t promise you, but I really hope so, because I also can not WAIT for the second part of season 4!!

Bokuto Kotarou:

You really wanted to be on time today. Really really badly. You knew how important it was for your boyfriend, for his team. It was one of the most important matches of their career. They had spent the last months solely training and practicing for this day. And now here you were, missing almost all of it. Just because of the stupid rain, stupid traffic, stupid crowds.

You were soaking wet by the time you arrived at the big gym, droplets of water dripping all over the floor as you ran through the halls, following the echoing sounds of shouts and a ball bouncing off the floor.

You coughed wildly as you opened the squeaking door to the game hall, water still running down your wet hair, creating tiny puddles all over the floor, but you didn’t notice the critical looks from other people standinmg on the sidelines. As soon as you were blinded by the bright stadium lights, your eyes flew across the hall, trying to find the one individual you were here for. You expected Bokuto to stand somewhere on the field, maybe near the net, eager to punch a ball and spike it across it to score. But you were surprised to find him sitting on the bench, head drooping, his hair all over the place. You couldn’t even see his face, but his posture told you everything you needed to know about his current situation. Even though the team was winning, Bokuto didn’t feel like it at all.

Immediately you gulped and took off your jacket, trying to find a way through the crowd of people standing around. You raised your hand and called his name a couple of times, but it was Akaashi who noticed you first. His eyebrows perked up in surprise and heasked his coach to ask for a time out in the game. You quickly ran over to him, but he didn’t give you no time to speak. “I’m so glad you’re finally here. We already made up scenarios for what might happen if you don’t show up, but this is really good. And you even-” He step away and looks down at your body, where one of Bokuto’s jerseys was hanging off your shoulders. Usually you never wore his training clothes, at least not when he was around, but today felt special, as it was an important match. “Perfect.” Akaashi mumbles to himself before stepping away even further and shouting: “Bokuto.san! Look!”

The white-black head shoots up in an instant at the loud mention of his name and he looks around confused for a moment before his eyes find yours and you see a spark going off in his eyes, even from the distance between you. He jumps up in no time once he sees what you’re wearing and suddenly he’s bouncing around the coach, begging him to end the break because “My baby is here!! Coach do you see them?? I need to show them my best!! The yeven wear my jersey, coach!”

As soon as he gets on field he makes a point and then points at you. You laugh as his energy restores itself immediately after seeing you and let me tell you, when the match is over no one can hold him back from tackling you down and embracing you with the biggest, tightest and cuddliest hug you’ve ever gotten. Yes, your presence at games motivates him. But Akaashi suggests than from now on you should also wear the jersey, because there was something else in his game after he saw you wearing it.

In the end, you’ll find yourself wearing the jersey basically all the time you see Bokuto, because he asks you to and it gives him the biggest, happiest smile you’ve ever seen on him :))

Nishinoya Yuu:

You yawned once again as you checked the time on your phone, rolling your eyes after seeing how early exactly it was. Definitely not your time of the day. Especially not on a saturday.

You couldn’t stop a pout from forming on your lips when you got off the train and looked around, having to assert that it was raining a bit. So you sighed in defeat and searching around in the bag you were supposed to bring your boyfriend to practice, because he forgot it. You found his training jacket and declared it good enough to shield you from the rain until you arrived at the gym. Plus, it smelled like him, so you counted that at least one good thing this morning. It was also warmer than you expected.

Still, ittook you longer than usual to arrive at the boy-filled gym. You admired their motivation and enthusiasm this early in the morning, as you were able to hear their energized calls across the entire school campus. You sighed with a smile as you recognized what could only be the eager voice of Nishinoya, doing his all too familiar rolling thunder chant.

Just about some minutes later you arrived in the alley in front of the gym and found coach ukai leaning in the door frame, a cigarette hanging from his mouth and his eyes closed until he heard your figure approaching. It took him exactly one second to realoze the situation and then he turned around to call for Noya, whom arrived in front of you in no time, pushing his unimpressed coach aside.

“Y/N~! You’re finally here! Thanks for brining my stuff! Now come in, I need to show you my new reiceive move, even Tsukishima thinks its cool!” You just nod and get in the warm hall, following his urgent gestures. He doesn’t even seem to notice what you’re wearing as he takes his bag from your bags. At least not until Hinata points it out.

“Noya-san! Your girlfriend/boyfriend is wearing youir jacket! That is so cooool!” he says with big eyes and immediately pays for it as he misses a ball and takes it right to the head.

Nishinoya looks up in question into Hinata’s direction, as though his brain was recreating what the younger boy just said to him. Then his gaze slowly moves torwards you and his eyes wander down to where his black training jacket still hung from your shoulders, now a bit wet from the rain.

Kiyoko was by your side in no time as you watched Noya’s whole embrace glow at your sight, the realization in his eyes growing bigger and bigger as his hands formed excited fists next to his happy face. “The jacket is kinda wet, Y/N. If you could take it off I’ll hang it somewhere and-”

“NO!” Nishinoya is at your side so fast you barely noticed how he moved, now putting his arms on your shoulders in a protective manner, already turning your body away from a very confused Kiyoko. “No, no, thank you Kiyoko, but they’re totally fine, we’re all good. It will have dried in no time! Especially with our bodies radiating so much heat.” And with those words he steps closer to you and embraces you in his warm arms, nuzzling his face into the fabric of his own jacket. “I’ve always been a fan of our uniform, but this kinda just makes it a hundred times better.” You can hear him mumbling and smile, as you press him even closer to you.

He asks you to stay and he definitely slays these new moves he just leanred simply because you’re there, looking all adorable in his training jacket. Please do not even think about taking it off, because Noya will not stop bragging to the rest of the boys, from now on until forever.

Oikawa Tooru:

It was normal that Tooru was usually a bit late to dates and other kinds of meetups. He was always quick to forget the world around him when he was at practice, so you were used to waiting for him. In the beginning of your relationship it got you frustrated quickly, but now you got used to it, because normally Oikawa made up for it with a lot of cuddles and great food.

But today was unusual. Tooru was always on time when you met up at his place after school or practice. Of course you showed up earlier and decided tro wait on the front porch so you could surprise and greet him when he would arrive. But his mother was quick to notice you sitting on the steps and welcomed you in and you found the way into his room on your own.

More minutes passed and you found yourself bored, but especially wondering where he was. You were about to text him another message when you saw that he had just read the messages and sent you a quick emoji to tell you he was on his way. You smiled, knowing that it would now take him at least another 20 minutes before he would show up because he now felt bad and got something at the grocery store for you.

So you got up again and looked around the all too familiar room, eventually ending up in front of his wardrobe and rummaging through it. A warm piece of clothing then fell in your hands almost naturally and you smiled down on it, not hesitating a single second to put it on.

Oikawa eventualy showed up a bit earlier than you expected him and you turned around in surprise not too long after as he rips open the door and practically collapses into your arms. “I’m so sorry Y/N I was already on the way when you texted me and-” He inhales and then stops abruptly, leaning back with a questioning look on his face. Realization hits him just a second laterand all the exhaustion leaves his face in the matter of a second and is replaced with a smug smile, though you can see the softness in his eyes. “Did you miss me this much, Y/N? You know, next time just visit me right at practice in the gym hall, wearing exactly this, and I’ll never be late to anything ever again.”

And he really isn’t. Instead, the rest of his team just groans displeased when you show up at practice because they know he will never shut up about it

Terushima Yuuji:

Going to games with the rest of the team and accompanying them to cheer them on was one of your most favorite things in the world, especially since you were in a relationship with Terushima. The boys always were so energized and eager to play, you wouldn’t wanna miss a single day.

But today was different. Some of the team members got sick on the bus ride to the game and now the energy of the team was a complete different one. You could just press yourself tighter against your boyfriend as the libero of the team got a bit green in the face and seemed to loose control over his gag reflex as he covered his face with a bag. That’s the least he could do, you think, but you can’t hold back from being disgusted either way. You were just hoping that whatever was getting around didn’t stick on you or Terushima, let alone enough members that they couldn’t play today.

However, something had to happen. Right before they arrived the bus took a sharp curve and the bag the person next to you in the bus was holding, wavered dangerously and you didn’t have enough time to get out of the way before its content spilled all over your jacket and you couldn’t help but cry out loud as your boyfriend started to laugh.

Misaki, the team’s manager, scolded him for it as you were busy complaining. She made him pay for his lack of empathy by handing you his bag with clothes for you to change as soon as you arrived. You took it with a dark look into his direction and took the first shirt that fell into your hands - his jersey.

When you found the group of yellow jackets again, no one seemed to take notice of you at first. Until Yuuji showed up next to you with the fattest smile on his face. “Almost mistook you for Misaki. Now you’re a real part of the team, Y/N!” Suddenly he starts jumping around all excited, pointing at you while calling all the others and sharing the news.

Anyways, for the rest of the day he will NOT stop staring at you. Can’t go 5 minutes on the field without his eyes wandering over to you, resulting in the team losing some points. At the same time, he feels better than ever to win this match and to be honest, their opponent has a hard time trying to catch all the balls flying their way.

[hugheshoe]

carter hart // lunch dates

request: 28 from the prompt list for carter hart?

28: my mom asked about you again.

word count: 1655 words

a/n: long time no see! enjoy :) (ALSO I COULD SOOOO DO A PART TWO TO THIS SO LET ME KNOW IF YOU WOULD LIKE ONE) feel free to send in any requests <3

- - - - -

Carter Hart: My mom asked about you again.

You put your phone down after rereading and analyzing the text for what feels like the 50th time. 

Your brain is currently running a million miles an hour.

- - - - -

Why is he telling you this?

Why did he text you?

Why did he use a period at the end of the sentence? What could that mean?

Why is his mom talking about me?

What if it is just a lie?

Could he be lying just to get some?

You shake your head, trying to get rid of all the bad thoughts.

It doesn’t work, though. You sigh and grab the phone again. You start to type back:

Cool

Then delete it. Sounds too harsh. You try again with:

Why?

No...that won’t work. You delete it. Maybe:

Tell her I say hi.

That will do. You hit the send button, and almost immediately regret it. You didn’t need to respond to him, you tell yourself.

My thoughts of regret are interrupted by a chime.

Carter Hart: She wants to get lunch with you.

You start to laugh out loud. 

Lunch? With your ex’s mom?

You remember how sweet she was to you the only time you met her in person, and she sent you embarrassing pictures of Carter to tease him with.

You sigh and write back:

Sure, when is she in town?

- - - - -

You walk five blocks to a hot and trendy lunch spot known for its soups and salads.

The nerves are definitely kicking in.

Why does Carter’s mom want to get lunch with me?

When you arrive, you tell the hostess your name and she shows you to a cute two person table in a room filled with leafy plants as its decor. If you were here with a girlfriend of yours, you would most definitely be snapping pictures for your Instagram feed in her.

You thank the hostess as you sit down, and pick up the menu to gaze at it as you wait patiently.

The waiting only lasts five minutes. Shauna Hart walks into the restaurant and beelines over to you with the biggest smile on her face. You get up to greet her and she embraces you with a warm hug. You know the feeling of a Hart hug. It is iconic.

“How are you, dear?” She asks as you retreat back to your seat.

“I’m well, how about yourself?” You reply.

“I’m lovely. Thank you for coming with me. Have you been here before?” 

You shake your head, “No, this was actually Carter’s recommendation.”

Her smile grows when you mention his name.

Before she can say anything, the waitress comes over to introduce herself and inform us on the specials of the day including homemade chicken noodle soup! Sounds fucking good.

She leaves to let us continue our process of figuring out what we want for lunch.

After a minute of silence, Shauna speaks up, “He misses you.”

You look up from your menu, but don’t know how to respond. The fastest thing you can think of is, “That is nice of him.”

The minute the words leave your mouth, you get a little embarrassed and start to blush.

The waitress comes back to take your orders. You order a cup of the chicken noodle soup and a BLT salad with fresh avocados. Shauna orders a chicken salad sandwich, which is advertised as one of their bestsellers. 

After handing our waitress the menus, you and Shauna get into a conversation that, thankfully, ignores the elephant in the room, Carter.

The nervousness you felt early starts to disappear with time. Shauna is such a easy person to have a conversation with and makes you feel relaxed despite the odd situation the two of you are in.

Your food comes out to the two of you and it looks amazing. You both start to dive into your meals while continuing to chat in between bites. 

Eventually, the conversation takes a turn. Shauna starts to share a story of Carter, without even realizing it. You listen, though, and the mood does not shift. It starts to feel normal and comfortable. 

The story ends up with both of you nearly in tears.

You manage to get out, “Why was he so obsessed with that stuffed animal?” through your laughter. 

- - - - -

At the end of lunch, Shauna insists on paying for your meal, too, and you thank her a million times. You check your phone and realize you’ve been at lunch for almost two hours. Time flies when you are having fun.

You say your goodbyes to Shauna, and go off your own ways.

On your walk home, the memories of you and Carter flood your thoughts. Your cheeks start to hurt from smiling at them. People probably think you are a lunatic walking through the streets of Philadelphia with a smile like the Cheshire Cat for no reason.

When you get home, you kick off your shoes, throw your purse on the couch, and walk into your room. You leap onto your bed and stare at the ceiling. You don’t know what to do.

Your phone starts to ring, but it isn’t your normal ring tone.

It’s Carter’s ringtone. You never changed it.

You rush over to the couch and rummage through your purse to pull out your phone just in time to press accept, “Hello?”

“How was lunch?”

You smile, “It was good. The food was really yummy, and it was so cute. Thank you for the recommendation.”

“Would you ever go back again?”

“Yeah, I think I would. I could get some uber cute Instagram pictures next time. Oh! And some of the drinks looked heavenly, but ya know I didn’t want to get drunk at noon at lunch with my ex’s mom,” you chuckle.

“Want to go tomorrow?”

“Yes, I would love to wha-....wait. What do you mean?”

You hear Carter let out a nervous giggle, “Do you want to go back there for lunch again tomorrow?”

“With you?”

“Yeah. With me.”

You pause before responding. It’s only been three months since he broke up with you. It still hurts you sometimes. 

Would it be okay to go to lunch with him already? 

What if he wants to get back together?

Was this his plan the whole time?

“Y/N? You still there?” The voice through your phone says.

“Yes, yes I’m still here, sorry. I was thinking.”

“Is it too soon?” He questions.

“No. I’ll go. Tomorrow at noon?”

“Yes, that works for me. I will see you there.”

- - - - -

The next morning, you wake up with a smile on your face, but the smile fades as the anxiety kicks in.

You have no clue what to wear.

What do you think he is going to wear?

Is he going to go all out?

What if you look more dressed up than him? Or what if he looks more dressed up than you?

To let out a little steam, you scream into your pillow.

“Ah, much better.” You can and hop out of bed.

You have three hours until the scheduled lunch date. 

Wait is this a date?

You tell your brain to shut up, and get out of bed. You head out into your kitchen to make a cup of iced coffee. In your head, you start to formulate a to do list to complete before heading out.

- - - - -

Carter Hart: I’m early :) I’m at a table in the middle.

You slide your phone back into your purse as you walk out of your apartment building and onto the sidewalks of Philadelphia.

You try to hype yourself up during your walk. It doesn’t work very well, but gives you a little bit of confidence and a break from worrying.

Once you arrive at the restaurant, you enter and see Carter immediately. He looks nervous, which makes you feel a little at ease knowing you are not the only one.

You walk up to his table, and he stands up to give you a hug, “Hi, Y/N, you look good.”

The hug feels so familiar, and not because you were hugging his mom 24 hours ago. Your nose immediately recognizes his smell, too. The scent makes you feel warm and happy inside.

As the gentleman he is, Carter pulls your chair out for you to sit, which you thank him for of course.

He sits down, too, and the two of you look at each other to take in the moment and process what is going on.

You giggle, “I cannot believe this is actually happening.”

“I know.”

“Did your mom actually want to get lunch with me?”

He nods his head, “Yes, of course. She loved you the first time she met you.”

“She’s a really good person. I see where you get it from,” You say to him and smile. You notice he starts to blush a little as he looks down at his menu to avoid eye contact.

To change the subject, Carter speaks up: “Which drink are you getting?”

You are about to respond when the waitress comes up for our drink orders and the whole specials of the day ordeal. You are pleased when she says homemade chicken noodle soup is being served again today.

Since you are unsure how to pick a drink because they all look amazing, you ask the waitress to make whichever she likes the best. Carter only gets a glass of water due to the season being in full swing.

While you wait for your mystery drink, you ask Carter about the season so far and how everything is working out.

When the drink arrives, you slurp it down so fast you aren’t even sure what it was. The drink calms you down, and when you place your lunch order you ask for a new mystery drink to enjoy. Carter laughs while you order it, exactly like he would when you two were dating.