#it's weird thinking that i'm 20 now
Text
HI I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION MY BIRTHDAY HERE
i turned 20 on sunday tho so i am officially out of teenagehood! that's wild!
#mumble's mood#mumble's draws#kinda#just a silly lil joke art i made on my bday#tmnt mention#it's weird thinking that i'm 20 now#i think my brain stopped at 14#maybe 15#living life in those 'i wasn't supposed to be here this long what do i do' years#lmfao
0 notes
Text
✦ F F X I V L E V E L 9 0
—compendium
#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy 14#gpose#gposers#ffxiv gpose#lvl 90 compendium#myreia screenshots#aureia malathar#oc tag#maybe a bit weird to share these now since 90's no longer the lvl cap#i took these right before DT dropped and didn't have time to organize them until the end of july when i queued everything#spent one day of complete chaos right before maintenance making 20+ gposes do not recommend hahaha#i'm not happy with the sge and dnc ones but oh well#and i think i'll need to merge fsh back onto the btn glam plate since dnc really needs a separate glam from brd and mch for the vibes#not sure how many of these will stick around when i resub but i didn't get to play much with most of these glams so we'll see! :3#i had so much fun levelling everything i love bouncing between jobs#i have jobs i lean more towards but everything is honestly great#can't wait to see how they play in DT!#i think my faves from this set are drk - gnb - sam - ast - mch - blm - smn - btn#really happy with how they came out!#some placeholder weapons in here#need to finish pld's hw relics and nin's shb relic for the right look#i also want dnc and rdm's shb relics#anyway thanks for letting me spam these this month!#the series is done now
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
This year is the 20th anniversary of GX.
#and they ain't gonna do shit for it#I'm a clown for thinking it would ever get the love it deserves#but maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised who knows#also crying because I am 5 years older than this show and it feels so weird that it's now 20#yugioh gx is literally my brother 😭#abby's just rambling don't mind her#abby's a fucking clown#yugioh gx#ygo gx
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level#for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda#changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is#don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men#his transness wouldnt change that#only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically.#Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band#is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name;#over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had#he becomes more caring more supportive#it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind#and learns how to be a kinder man.#all of which have no contradictions with him being trans!#In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences#i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways#to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring.#Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL.#at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it#so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine#i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt#but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues#and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does#again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol#AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans#do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model#I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
FINALLY. FINALLY. people telling Qibli they love him and see the best in him does not make him a mary sue oh my god.
I've been hella personal this whole time but like to go a little deeper- that book genuinely brought me to sobbing tears the first time I read it at 16 because it was the first time I've seen a character with the same kind of hyperviligant anxiety and fawning be told they're loved and can be a good person/hero. It doesn't make him a mary sue for the book to focus on how he needs to learn how to get out of his own head and recognize that other people like him. I mean for gods sake the whole middle of the book is them getting mad at him for summoning a sandstorm I would hardly say you're supposed to view him as some untouchable hero when his strength has always been reading people and situations and not fighting/magic and the book about him puts an emphasis on those skills and where he also falls flat.
I don't think you all actually want found family if you think characters being accepted by their friends is like. bad writing. I don't know what you want but I don't think found family is it.
#last one I prommy#ok probably#we'll see if I'm still mad in like 20 mins I gotta eat dinner#ok to rb btw I'm a less fragile person now thank god#16 was rough#darkness of dragons has some bad writing I will admit but I think it's bc the whole book is so rushed#everything is happening all at once#if they had put more emphasis into qibli as a character and cut out a lot of the weird onyx filler it could've been great#I love onyx to be clear but she could've been a winglet c'mon
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey, Alistair lovers.
Reminder that Alistair is 44 during the events of Veilguard 😁
#He was a 20 year old baby 🥹#Alistair Theirin#Dragon Age#Weird to think of#I was a teen when I played origins#And now I'm in my early 30s#And he's still my fave
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
recent things
#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month#where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still#feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in#my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol#I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days#where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something#days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated#I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T#My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly#a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at#some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds#before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of#curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has#a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like#Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors#so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh#Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh#n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and#fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch#of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of#the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy#it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#actually. damn. that's really just kinda hitting me now#technically we Broke UpTM right at the start of 2022 but we lived together for another year because of. reasons 🙄#march 2023 I moved out and was officially independent for the first time in my life so in about a month that'll be one whole year#I've been feeling really cruddy this week in particular about feeling like I haven't really Healed and Grown '''enough'''#whatever I think that even means lmao#but this is kinda putting into perspective... I've basically had people isolating me and preventing me from forming outside connections#for almost two decades. 2/3 of my life :| the fact that I've held it together at ALL for a whole year on my own has to count for something.#anyway WOW nobody asked lmao#like I said I'm really normal about music it's NOT weird that a random album has me reflecting on 20 years of past trauma
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Weird intense sertraline dreams are super real side effect.
#zoloft#sertraline#i just took a nap from like 9pm-ish to 11pm#i had a dream with a whole bunch of youtubers in it and i have no clue why#i think i made up like half of them just from names i've heard while others were people i either still watch or just used to watch#and there were LEVELS to this dream that i didn't even fully realize until like 30 minutes after waking up#like one youtuber was being called by another name yet they still had drama with another who was there#and it took me remembering the dream to realize that that drama was somewhat real but the different name made me not notice at first#it was WEIRD. also at one point i was living in like a campus or something but there were different climates like every 20 feet#like snow but also multiple pools and a weird like rollercoaster but you walk/slide in it... this is vaguely still coming back to me#also a weird sauna i was in then someone helped me out of it#and LITERALLY as if i was playing the sims i felt my consciousness almost like press buttons to change the POV#and the 'camera' left my eyes and moved to the outside of the sauna so i watched the person carry my sleeping body out#and i'm just NOW remembering that part and being like... what... i mean i literally intentionally changed the camera controls of my dream#guys i am hennaing my hair i was supposed to rinse it out at like 10:30ish but slept through that so i've had it in for an extra hour#which is fine. i like the more intense color. but i've been slowly remembering bits and pieces of this dream#for the last 45 minutes and it's so weird i need to somewhat document it#because it was like 4 different plotlines and the youtuber one was only one of them and the campus thing was another#oh my god i just remembered clark baxtresser from starkid was in the campus part and he was singing and i was like chasing him#through the rollercoaster (or maybe just sliding behind him?) and singing along and i think i dreamt that part due to VHS Christmas Carol#that JUST came back to me. that was such a weird aspect. i think i thought it was weird even in the moment.#i haven't remembered most of the weird sertraline dreams so i'm glad i put down bits of this one
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
Helloo, I still exist did anyone even notice I was mostly gone lol
Anyone interested in ehhh...slightly unhinged work-related talk?
No?
Well. Too bad
Anyone that knows me irl please ignore the tags – I'm embarrassed ✨🥰
#I said ignore the tags#please ignore them#I'm serious#alright soooo...i started this new job about 1 1/2 months ago... It's not great or anything neither is the payment but it's alright#also I can walk there from home bc it's so close by which is nice I guess#anywayyy it's a grocery store owned and run by a family (my boss and his wife + their 2 (3??) adult children)#now my boss is kinda hard to figure out I always think he's annoyed which makes me insecure but I think that's just how he is idk lol#but he isn't rude or anything (at least I never noticed??)#his wife seems nice and so does (one of) their daughter(s(?))#his son – who is idk probably in his early 30s?? could also be late 20s but I can't guess people's age – is the manager#he's nice as well I think and he even jokes around with (some of) the employees from time to time#either way...this is all rather irrelevant. Point is some part of me has decided to be uhhh weird about him in the past week ig#and I don't think that feeling was there before?? Idk I don't consider him attractive or anything (at least I don't think I do??) + he's#married (?? He's definitely taken) and has two children I think judging from his profile picture in our work-app at least and like I said#he could also be quite a bit older (I mean...yk)#anywayyy i am being weird about him and something within me turned into teenager mode or whatever and iiiiiiii don't know what to do lol#not that it's really a big deal I suppose it's just that he's my boss' son and my supervisor/manager/superior/?? which makes thoughts#outside of work weird (:#no i will not elaborate#alright tag rant over I'm not sure I really wanna post this this feels awkward to post publicly hah :')#will probably delete later#someone send help#((:
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I keep forgetting that my voice now has me reading as a cis gay guy most of the time. It throws me off a lot
#went to the beach today and a kid waved at me so i waved back and his dad like#picked him up and glared at me and told him not to talk to strangers#like damn I Am Just Swimming#and my sister just went Yeah it's bc you sound gay#which literally just did not occur to me i was like what about my wave screams predator...#idk I'm very used to ppl thinking im butch or idk a Blue Hair Pronoun User and it's mostly cis women who take issue with that#men too but that's more so targeted directly at me than seeing me as a predator to themselves and others#i did still have ppl think i was a cis gay guy pre-T like idk 20% of the time but now it's the default and it's a weird adjustment#Wish I could think about how I'm being perceived outside of the context of avoiding hate crimes. Whatever
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.
i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍
#also in reference to the pain after 15 mins of standing thing it's.. usually closer to discomfort than pain? but it's not Not pain either#it's often more like 'oh i should sit down. i wanna sit down. i should sit down' and it's not that frequent but it's like a status effect#and the frequent reminders are only after like 20-30 minutes#sometimes i don't even notice it and sometimes (if i'm bored lol) i'll notice it a Lot#this is not helped by my body being.. iffy at telling me what's going on. it's always too much or too little input with this guy#ahh that rascal. anyway#listen anon 1) uh sorry for going off like this idk if that's like. socially appropriate or whatever but i'm doing it anyway 2) if you've#got ideas i'm all ears. like off the top of your head not like. im not asking you to do research for an internet stranger ok#plus it feels weird saying i could be disabled when i have no idea what it would even be. i mean i think i'd believe someone else if they#said that but it's a classic rules for me and not for thee situation. still working on that#point is i got brain gunk for sure i just don't know how much of the body gunk is because of the brain gunk or smth else#like the possibly-probably autism definitely affects me physically i just don't know exactly what to do with that information#like. am i exhausted bc i'm overstimulated? is it the burn out? or is that a separate thing? or are they working together? etc#anyway yeah got caught vagueposting about my symptoms here's the deep dive no one wanted. for self indulgence purposes :v#no but i think about it a lot with posts like this bc i mean. would an able bodied person react THAT strongly to finding out shower stools#exist? probably not. but who knows for certain#....coming to the conclusion of. probably. maybe. but in what ways specifically? uh. i dunno. i just got them heavy limbs#might be a thyroid issue now that im looking into it. but again this is Not my area of expertise
5 notes
·
View notes
Photo
various witch stuff of the day or whatever the heck
#witch hat tag#orufrey#uhh yeah just getting some stuff out of the way haha i like the first one tho. i drew something that scares me#iguin must have been involved in qifrey's thing somehow. The Lidless eye..the sight of the world..i mean i think [redacted]#and he'll be [redacted] and [redacted] will be forced to... [redacted]???!?!!?#I want to keep my theories to myself.......or do i. not being a fandom person (other than dropping my art and leaving) means i just..#combust inside by myself with ideas and FEARS FOR THAT MAN.....CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM IM SO WORRIED IM SO...#CAN YOU LET SOMEONE HELP YOU#apparently tetia's expression in the last one is hard to understand =.= she's emotional bc she cant believe they remembered#the twin hat idea. and that she's so happy. i was thinking about how she was probably qif's first pupil so there must have been a time#where it was just her qif and oru... i DO think she is hinted strongly to be trans but even if not her mystery background is probably so sad#why would qifrey even become a teacher? his goal was the brimhats. but he keeps being distracted by kids with problem pasts so#he must have only been drawn to help tetia out of a deep sympathy. it seems at that point he and oru had drifted apart#did oru decide to be his watchful eye hearing about that or did qifrey ask him? he thought that qif had given up on brimhat stuff so..#*mumble mumble* lately i also keep remembering oru saying something UNREAL in kitchen like 'we're finally living under the same roof' ????#you can't just say that. what on earth. i..... whatever. i haven't even processed like 20% of my potential emotions about them#i feel so weirdly emotional today. i stopped thinking about witch hat for zuka even tho im SO hyperfixated it is genuinely PAINFUL to stop#i stopped just long enough to watch gatsby raku.... my haachan#i'm so grateful right now that i dont have any big issues in my life rn so i can get worried about manga men and sad about actors retiring#today at least i am extremely grateful. living and being alive is so so so so weird. i hope we all make it
74 notes
·
View notes
Text
attempting going to bed at 9pm (or earlier! technically. for falling asleep time) feels so ridiculous. like some sort of joke. and yet. purportedly this is what getting up at 5am would demand. is this really something people do wtf
#m#people commonly do get up at like 5 or 6 to go to work and shit right#hell if I were going to the office I would have to as well#do they actually really truly go to bed at fucking 8:30. surely that is insane#kids don't even do that I don't think#also even if I only directly require this twice a week#I probably gotta do it every day because there's no way in hell I am successfully sleeping at 9pm if I woke up at 9am lmao#well I can get away with 5:30ish but I usually snooze for at least half an hour lol so...#my first alarm for when I get up at 9am (aiming for 8:30) is 7:48#my first alarm for probably 5:30 is 4:48#so my alarm clock tells me it's time to go to bed at 20:30 and I am like bruhhh#today I probably could and should since last night bedtime was 4am#but it still feels weird as hell like it's unreasonably early#I'm still buying dinners so it is theoretically possible. it would not otherwise be#and yet idk man#just a few weeks ago at 20:30 THE SUN WOULD'VE STILL BEEN UP#even now sunset is like 8pm. you want me to sleep an hour after sunset. this is silly! it's barely dusk!
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
got some of my jake art reblogged recently and i find it funny because right now i draw this man like this
( by right now i mean like 2 months ago this drawing is old
i'm sure i can draw him better like , actually right now . it's been so long since i drew him which is funny because he's my favorite character and i would die for him
#tw jake for brusk btw /j#sunny's rambles#sunny's art#i find that one piece extremely funny#i twinkified him way too much#i'm so sorry jake one day i'll actually draw you again and it's gonna be great#jake my beloved god i love that guy#anyways guys i realized something#my obsession with vargas chapters 20/21 is actually linked to my age regression issues#haha isn't that funny#realized because half of the stuff i like rn involves children being happy#that sounds SO weird but i swear it's just age regression i just want to be a kid again#like . i've been really into south park these days#and i realized that i don't even like the series that much#i'm just really fond of the characters#i would talk more about this in a separate post but i doubt anyone would be interested in the first place#ANYWAYS guys i just had the best of my life ( keeps talking#i went to school . stayed in the library for the whole day and doodled friday night funkin stuff on my homework#i'm absolutely obsessed with fnf right now and i think it's embarrassing#i was actually thinking on making some fnf vargas sprites . . .#i know someone else already made some but i want to get my hyperfixation and my special interest together okay#anyways ily jake#( destroys him with my deadly mind powers
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
and once again I am suddenly overwhelmed with an intense feeling of not really fitting into a gender
#honestly I don't even know what this is about I just saw some stories on insta and it's like oh look#she is so proud to be a woman whoa ppl...actually do that huh#and I just realised I never really felt that way like. not fully!! maybe a bit of that yeah but not to this full extent of this#womanhood thing#and I mean yeah I probably felt more of it in my teens and like 20s but it only just occurred to me that it's never been to this full extent#of being womanly and motherly and nurturing etc etc#and now I do not feel like that art all I mean I mostly am a creachur. a divine being. if you will. a freak#and I love it tomorrow I'm gonna go try on some skirts which I haven't done in ages and I'm definitely gonna be doing it in a queer way#not in a girl way#anyway#I know this is really weird going on tag rants here where nobody except a few of my mutuals (hey guys love you lots thought u should know)#is gonna see let alone read this but I really don't have anyone irl to talk to abt gender stuff and I mean I tried?#but just idk. ppl don't get it? like everyone in my life already knows I'm queer and they sorta hand wave it away like that is too#complicated and not that important - and it isn't!! but it also is!#I think they might have been more understanding and sympathetic if I were trans but I'm not and being nonbinary is somehow too difficult for#them to grasp idk#and when I say I don't want to be a different gender and feel increasingly outside and to the left of my assigned gender the more I think#about it they just. do not get it. and it is kinda discouraging and leaves me feeling like not talking about it with them ever#I don't know why I'm writing all this tbh#gender#queer things
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
movedtotheisleofberk
I looked at him, and I saw myself.
papofirekaqe
Untitled
thetraitor-thekiller-thecorpse
Just got my Fool License from God :)
hxlmws
haru
papofirekaqe
Untitled