listening to the new mitski album with a freshly washed hair while doing my eyebrows
never felt so connected with femininity as i do now
Who is Caxy Creations?
Caxy Creations, simply put, is my brand. So to really explain who Caxy Creations is, let's cover who I am.
My name is Davina. I also answer to David.
Some quick facts about me:
Labels are weird to me, transgender/genderfluid/agender and other things like that just...idk, they don't fit. I answer to she/her most comfortably, but you're free to use literally any pronouns for me. I don't feel inherently she/her or he/him or they/them or anything else. I'm just...Me. So call me whatever pronouns you want, I'm a little of everything.
I'm an artist AND a writer, but far more a writer than an artist.
I also stream most of the days out of the week, and only take a day off if I just need a me day or if something keeps me from it.
I absolutely adore interaction of all kinds, but reciprocal interaction is my favorite: if you comment or ask a question, I absolutely will answer because I adore conversation.
I am single, and not looking for a relationship.
I'm saving up for a long-term road trip around the country! If you wanna help, send a little to $Aazoth on CashApp, or to my paypal here!
This blog is going to serve as two things: a compendium of all knowledge relating to Relan, a planet of my own design with its own history, religions, sciences, magics, and more, as well as a collection of short stories about the people living on Relan. Some quick things to cover about Relan, for those interested:
I am 100% okay with OCs. If someone likes my world enough to make a character to throw into it, that is, to me, the ultimate compliment.
If you need/want help integrating your OCs into Relan, I am absolutely down to help with all the resources I have on the world.
Don't know if a species exists on Relan? Well, every single animal species on Earth exists on Relan, and every mythical being exists as well in some form or another, there's even a few internet-designed species and an entirely original species of my own design! So have fun with it!
Relan is a fantasy world. Ancient times have high fantasy themes and forms, modern times have modern fantasy themes and forms, and future eras have a distinctly science-fiction feel with a hint of magic to them. As such, my stories will usually have these themes and/or forms!
These characters are the most prominent in my stories, and I've linked to their introductory posts for easy access to information about them:
Davina Seltz (TW: Artistic Nudity)
Tylvinian Tales Chapter One - The first chapter of Tylvinian Tales. Each chapter will direct to the next one if it exists, above the Tag List at the bottom of the post!
Tylvinian Tales Latest Chapter - The most recent chapter of Tylvinian Tales! If you think you're caught up, but aren't sure, click this link and see if you have catching up to do!
Worldbuilding Masterpost - A post with links to every worldbuilding piece I've uploaded so far.
Short Stories Masterpost - A post with links to every short story I've uploaded so far.
How You Can Support Me - A post detailing ways to help me make a life for myself and avoid financial issues.
I also do VRChat Avatar commissions, click to be taken to my Trello.
With that out of the way, if you're curious about the tags, this little guide should help:
#worldbuilding - posts with information about Relan, no plot. (NOTE: Only some posts will show up with this tag written normally. To see the rest of them, put a space after the word.)
#relanianoc - posts with information on specific Relanian individuals.
#shortstories - posts with short stories about Relan and/or its inhabitants. Each one is canon, unless...
#noncanon - posts with short stories about Relan and/or its inhabitants that are NOT part of the canon continuity. These are exclusively "what ifs" and AUs inspired by things I've seen, heard, or questions/comments people have presented me with.
#Tylvinian Tales - posts that contain chapters of my series, Tylvinian Tales.
#TTC[#] - "TTC" stands for "Tylvinian Tales Chapter". Insert the number of the chapter you're looking for, and if that chapter exists on here, it will be there. Example: #TTC1 is the tag for chapter one, #TTC2 will be the tag for chapter two, and so on.
I also do writing commissions! I'm still new to doing them so I'm not sure what to price it at, but I was thinking something like this was reasonable:
$5 for 1,000 words
$10 for 2,500 words
$20 for 6,000 words
$30 for 10,000 words
$40 for 15,000 words
$50 for 25,000 words
+$10 for NSFW
+$10 for extreme gore
Under 1,000 words is free
Again, still new, so these prices WILL change as I get an idea of interest/what's reasonable. They may go down, they may go up, it depends on how things go and the pricing I see on other comparable writers' commissions.
With that out of the way I think this blog intro is long enough, ha. So...hang out, enjoy the blog, feel free to chat with me or comment on my posts, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night/whatever it is in your part of the world! <3
I probably should’ve put a sign off or something in my last ask so both could be tied together easier but here we are. I’m the person who said they’re transexpressive and I originally typed that at the dead of night, half asleep, so rereading it didn’t even make sense to me so I’m just gonna try and explain it again. So it’s at least comprehensible.
I have a weird relationship with gender (who doesn’t? joking). I’m agender but my gender expression constantly fluctuates and I’m not androgynous like people typically expect of me. I can go from presenting masculine to wanting to present feminine etc in a matter of a few seconds or few hours or whatever. While anyone can experience that and anyone can use the transexpressive label without identifying as transgender, I specifically feel it’s tied to me being trans since the reason I have an odd relationship with gender and its different parts (gender expression in this case) is because I am trans. But being able to find a label to describe that definitely helps.
Transexpressive by definition: someone’s gender expression changes/is fluid while their actual gender is static (stays the same/isn’t fluid).
You can also consider this a form of gender nonconformity if you’d like.
gender is complex, but this is a pretty neat term!
hands you kon and bart for character hcs (if i already sent you one or both of them before and then forgot i did that. no i didn't<3)
Sexuality Headcanon: hmm honestly idk! maybe aroace ? I haven’t really given it much thought tbh
Gender Headcanon: bart understands gender in a way none of us ever will. the future is crazy. he’s agender
A ship I have with said character: I don’t really ship him with anyone but I think timbart is fun sometimes. Maybe one day ill have stronger thoughts abt bart ships lol
A BROTP I have with said character: platonic soulmates konbart forever <3 I talked more abt them in kons answer but they just Get each other in a way no one else does. The shared life experience of not having a childhood and also dying and all that. they are each others person ok. I also really like cissie and bart :’) they are very precious and important to me. tim and bart are also easily one of my favorite friendships (that one bit in tt03 where Barts like I gotta go hang out with Tim I feel too much like a nerd rn he’ll make me feel dumb and relaxed is so funny to me also their first meeting is so good and everything the two of them do in yj98 is so funny. I love that bart suggests something to tim and hes just like yeah sure lets do it.) I feel like bart makes strong friendships with most people tbh. also this might not be a popular take but I actually really enjoyed all of bart and beast boys interactions in tt03 like I love that they get on each others nerves I think they’re so funny
A NOTP I have with said character: that one weird as hell comment that I thiiiink was made in tt03 where bart is like Cassie was the first girl I had a crush on. What was that. sorry but in what world are cassie and bart like that
A random headcanon: designated clothing thief of the group
General Opinion over said character: i love LOVE bart! i have to read more of his comics (I’ve been trying to go through all the comics of each of the yj98 kids, I’m still trekking through tims solo lmao and im almost done with all of cassies appearances. once I finish her ill go to bart next :)) except I might just read impulse sooner anyways bc ik its gonna make me crazy) I don’t talk as much about him because I haven’t read his solo stuff but I really do love him and who he is as a character. My friend once said that bart is a character made in a lab for me to go crazy over and I am inclined to agree haha he’s my skrungly
and here is kon!
send me a character for headcanons
my relationship w my prnouns is so weird. like. having pronouns that are different from my gender at birth is an inconvenience. Im an inconvenience. i dont hate myself or even feel bad about this; its just not something i can do anything about. i rlly dont care, i just see it as a fact. so, because i dislike inconveniences, i just let people use she/her for me. i used to inform people of my pronouns, but now its gotten to the point where i dont do that anymore. its an inconvenience even for me to have to have that conversation every time i meet someone new, to have them mess up and apologize a million times per conversation, to have them talk about it to other people probably and just have them be confused every time they think about me. it sucks, cuz my old friends kinda noticed that i slacked off on correcting them so they switched back to she/her as well (or just stopped correcting themselves when they make mistakes). And like. I dont feel bad or in pain or suicidal or whatever like i used to when people used wrong pronouns, i just dont really care except for the fact that of course i notice it every single time. it just feels wrong. it just IS wrong. im just like listening to a friend and im like oh thats wrong and i think about it for a bit and then move on. its just a fact of life i guess. the only thing tht sucks is like. do i really trust and love people that use my incorrect pronouns? probably not. one of my closest friends right now has used she/her for me since the beginning and we have never had a conversation about my pronouns. I cant tell if thats sad or not. i guess i dont consider being nonbinary to be a core part of my being tht people need to know about to understand me as a person, cuz like, it changes nothing about me aside from the fact that i just am nonbinary or agender (havent delved too deep into it, i know im not a gal or a guy, could be a combination, could be neither, not sure) but like. It is something about me that i have to think about 24/7 that no one else around me needs to. like. idk this is basically just a rant about how i feel. I dont think anything really needs to change i guess, i definitely dont think i need to change, plus my boyfriend and his family all use my correct pronouns, and my immediate family does too. the rest of my relatives stopped/forgot about my correct pronouns and went back to she/her. kinda makes me sad that they so easily forgot something that took me years of courage to tell them, but i guess we all live our own lives and really only care about ourselves. sigh. that was a long post.
tldr: its pride month. this is just a rant about being nonbinary in todays society
If this is too personal feel free to ignore. I'm trans and have been trying to transition, but its very difficult in a rural area. Evey year I don't is a year of second guessing myself. It doesn't help that transphobes play with statistics and try to tell horror stories about people regretting their transition. You used to think you were a trans woman, but then realized you were non-binary and missed some of the masculine traits. Do you regret it heavily? Like does it feel like the end of the world, or are you overall more happy with the choices you made? I get the feeling I'm probably more nonbinary, but I want to be fem, however I worry that might be simply because I'be never had that side to explore.
transition regret, etc... is largely just misinformation!
i transitioned for 8 years, i'm still on estrogen/t-blockers. i probably will be for-ever? i don't regret transitioning and being on hormones, cus it's made me a lot happier & i've gotten to explore my relationship to my body. a lot of my reasons for exploring more nonbinary - ungendered - masc gender feelings is tbh trauma.. and i don't want surgery and i don't believe in gendering bodies, don't care about passing as a woman to others, etc.. so i didn't have a roadmap to follow and binary trans woman narratives did not resonate with me.
basically, i'm just very genderqueer/genderpunk/agender and binary transition isn't fruitful for me. it's very limited and painful in my experience. i don't mask being neurodivergent anymore && i sure don't try to mask being trans/queer/gendery.
actually, the more thoughts and energy i put into passing and being accepted as a woman, i realized... it's like asking society to validate my existence and make me happy, and for me.. it did not feel empowering.
i think allowing myself to explore trans masc feelings has been great, but the narrative of regret/detransition being placed on me/presumed kinda sucks tbh (actually, really!). it's not a thing where i thought i was a trans woman and was wrong lol.. i had lots of nonbinary feelings throughout and i still really resonate with being trans fem in some way, just not in a binary way.
i'm still exploring those trans masc feelings. i shaved my mustache last week (lol) and was very depressed this weekend. it's such a weird feeling to not find comfort in looking feminine. i guess i am happiest being in a grey trans masc area, where i am clearly pretty fem and queer and gendery, but also putting some effort into some masc presentation.
imo, you can't really live life by regret, it's just a toxic emotion and way of framing your life in a negative way. sure, i have regrets (mainly people i've dated, jobs i've taken..) but you have to live your life and try to be happy and do what's best in the moment. You really do not know how you will feel 10 years from now, but if you try your best today to be happy, i don't think future you will be mad at present you for trying.
note: i honestly stopped sharing photos, etc. a lot last year cus of these narratives of detransition/regret and like.. i'll just add that noone has to have a narrative that makes sense to others.. i have a lot of respect and love for people who are okay exploring the spectrum of gender and going against binary gender norms.
i hope that helps, but it's very much your own personal journey and your own internal process of dismantling internalized transphobia/transmisogyny which is where i think a lot of those regrets/detransition narratives stem from, imho.
Gender rant i guess lol
Started with the label "demiboy" at age 13 to then realize later that same year that i was a trans guy. Fast forward 5 years to now, 18 y/o me, thinking if I'm a demiboy but not fully feeling it because I'm not really agender nor non binary; still 99,9% identifying as male but not really because i don't really feel like a man in the way that cis men and most trans guys feel like a man, y'know?
Like, i like to be androgynous, i still identify as male and more masc but it's so validating when someone doesn't really understands what i am??
Like, i don't like to be percived as a girl AT ALL but it's fucking great when someone looks at me like "...what the fuck is that" , and that's kinda the whole reason why i use it/its pronouns lol. I also like the microlabel "voidpunk", i think is fun.
I definitely still use he/him pronouns, as well as it/its but,, gender is weird!!
alex pronoun/gender time (spoilers for prototype 1 & 2)
okay i just want to preface this with. i am not super familiar with lgbtq+ terminology or labels so i apologize in advance if i say something weird or wrong (please correct me if i do! i am.. like an old man but i am willing to learn) but i do wave the trans flag myself :) also note that this my personal headcanon for alex, you are entitled to your own interpretations about alex !! (and i like seeing the differences between them)
alex is torn between his viral nature vs. the man he was. for almost all of his life he had nothing to go off of except his name and the memories of alex others would tell him, like dana or karen parker and so hes lost. lost and trying to find something to ground him, especially when the hivemind is pulling him in all these directions and the people hes consumed fill his mind with memories that arent his .
he wants to hold onto something that he knows is true to alex mercer, he wants to stay as close to the original mercer as he can (barring his douchebag personality) because that is what people percieve as "human"; a pretty bad example of a human, but a human nonetheless. hence, keeping the he/him pronouns because it makes him feel like he is just like them (them being society. he wants to fit in LOL)
he rejects the it/its pronouns (i think it/its pronouns are dope as hell but for my alex it doesnt really fit the characterization i gave him), mainly because its what blackwatch calls him to take away his humanity and treat him more as a weapon more than a person . he hates being called "it", it can really piss him off (and he rarely gets pissed off) .he wants to be more like what society thinks of as a "person's" pronouns?
of course, he is a shapeshifter who can flawlessly mimic other humans who, surprise! use other pronouns than he and him. so when he's in a disguise, he takes on the pronouns of whoever he is at that moment (she/her, they/them, ze/zir, it/its, all the others) without a single shit given. hes just as comfortable with those pronouns as he is with his, when hes shapeshifted.
its when blackwatch knows its alex and still use it/its that ticks him off, although there are some exceptions (like being undercover with someone, being a friend and .not blackwatch, etc). now that i think of it, alex, even when disguised, is still okay with he/him as long as its not in front of blackwatch or people who dont know hes a shapeshifting viral monster who is normally a man but sometimes everything else.
as for actual gender.... hes... i dont know how to describe it. both cis and agender? does that make sense? i headcanon him to be cis, like a cis male (and i think doc mercer too? but i dont really think about him that much) but also being a literal viron that has no gender because it is a virus. which have no gender. and he is no gender and all the genders inside because of the people hes consumed but he is a male??? this is confusing. hes confusing. hes confused. we are both confused.
he knows hes not human and therefore doesnt have to abide with human binaries, but he takes comfort in being a man - a human. in P2, the reason for him becoming Evil is because he manages to go on a international vacation to the places on earth where somehow, only the worst of humanity lives? and he never sees a glimpse of goodness and selflessness and love and joy ever during that whole period? and decides that everyone is just as bad as the worst of the worst and that only the strong (and apparently not evil? even though his actions are literally. Evil??????) shall survive?
what the FUCK, writers.
so i said FUCK YOU and gave this man a unquenchable thirst for life and hope and kindness and curiosity and learning. he will find humanity. he will see the bad but also the good and he will find that humans are not perfect but they are also humans who learn and create and grow and make mistakes! that the world is this grey, not so black and white, that he can make a difference not by some fucked up viral eugenics but by . being good and being helpful and being kind and loving and friendly and a ridiculous viral puppy dog cat thing that makes people laugh and smile.
. i like happy endings. sue me.
A long ramble about gender dysphoria under the cut. In short, I want to start seeking HRT. That is if my crippling anxiety doesn’t stop me yet again... gimme words of encouragement...
I’ve been thinking a lot about my own gender lately and it’s really getting me down. I’ve thought about myself as agender for like 8-10 years now; but remained a “woman” in real life, because people are shitbags and my anxiety disorder doesnt help.
Now I’m starting to think I may be somewhere between agender and trans dude. I’ve always wanted to look more masc, but that feeling has grown stronger over the years.
I used to think “Well, as long as I know my own gender it doesn’t matter what other people think”. I don’t limit myself in any regards due to gender roles. But now I’m getting sick of how other people see me, all the expectations for how I should behave and dress, and have hobbies in etc.
I’ve never felt connected to who I see in the mirror; it is another person. A mere body that the mind pilots. It’s not “me”. I am a floating camera controlling this thing. But I’ve realized that maybe that is not a good thing. That regular people might actually feel a connection to themselves and LIKE themselves (wild)
I want the outside to finally match who I feel on the inside
I got my hair cut super short the other week, and honestly its made me much more confident. I can see a glimpse of connection with who I see in the mirror... (of course family members and colleagues have made some weird comments, about something so small THAT’S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS)
Seeking HRT especially been on my mind recently, because I know how difficult it is to medically transition in my shitty country; and I’m worried that it might start getting even harder to do so. Later down the line I want top surgery.
I’m also starting to approach 30 years old and that thought sucks; that I'm going to live my life missing out on being as happy as I could be, because I’m fucking terrified, as always.
Anxiety has stopped me doing so much in my life. But at age 26 I finally passed my driving test and got my own home. Things I never actually thought possible for me. Maybe I can do this too.
My first step is to set an appointment with my GP. And also talk to my mum/dad about it.... I know they have no power to stop me, but I feel I need to let them know. Even if they take it badly...
Wish me luck. This shit is terrifying.
okay i need rules if i wanna start actually regularly writing so here we go (regular body text below, purple headings cuz making it all purple sucks LMAO)
about the author (me)
- i am lazy and unless i suddenly get a rush of inspiration at 2am there wont be any pretty themes or those like little images that make it look cool :( sorry :(
- i am autistic, agender, and aroace
- i am transmasc so i dont do f reader but i do gn reader and m reader (i also do afab!m/gn reader)
- i am american :( /neg
- i dont know the difference between a oneshot, drabble, fic, etc
- i write smut, but i also like regular content
- i take thirsts, requests, etc
- i am in a couple fandoms, if you have a req for someone who i have not written for before i will probably do some research (watch scenepacks and read the fandom wiki) but otherwise if ive written for someone in a fandom just ask if i can write for another
masc reader, gn reader, afab!masc reader, afab!gn reader, dom reader
smut - most kinks, trans characters
yandere content - gore, angst, mostly anything
requests - i just ask that you give me something to work with, like the scenario
smut - no fem reader, no sub reader, no shit/piss/throw up, no noncon, no incest, no pedophillia, no aging up characters so its not pedophillic, i would prefer no “daddy,” and no sadistic characters (masochist is a-ok!!)
yandere content - yan!char only, no mind breaking
no repurposing my work obviously
theres more just be a good person
spiderverse - i write for noir, miguel, and hobie. i have reasons for not doing the spot and peter b is married and i always feel bad for writing him. i dont do aged up characters and i dont write for kids unless it is completely platonic
stardew valley: any romanceables + sve romanceables + the wizard
cod - konig, soap, price, and ghost (if theres another i can do some research but those are the main ones)
fnaf - micheal and william afton, …….springtrap……, sun, moon, and eclipse, glamrock freddy, monty, glamrock bonnie, glamrock chica, and roxy (i like platonic for the robots but i can do romantic i suppose? smut would be weird with robots though)
horror - stu and billy, micheal meyers, BRAHMS HEELSHIRE ❤️, there may be more
yandere visual novels - john doe, 14dwy, mdhm, swwsdj (i dont do peter because FUCK that guy)
i will add but pls dont be afraid to ask anything
honey you e got a big storm coming
35, 39, 47, 48, 51, 56, 83 hee hee
35. A character who should’ve got more character development?
like. sooooo many of them lol. can i say the entire cast of v3? because honest to god that's my answer -- even my faves in v3 leave Something to be desired
beyond that, i actually think that thh and gbd do a really good job of stretching characters to their maximum narrative utility before killing them off, and i do feel like in both games the most narratively flexible ones are the ones who live. i think if i had to say anyone from those games it'd probably be leon or sayaka just because the way the free time events work in trigger happy havoc work mean they get like three events and then they die and you never get to know more lmfaoo (but even then i still don't think their characters are Lacking in the way that the v3 cast is for me. sorry for being a v3 hater lol)
39. Smartest murder plan?
komaeda's, obviously LMFAO. god every time i replay sdr2 chapter 5 im struck by it all over again. like they literally had to guess!! even with nanami revealing herself! even then! they still had to be like well. hope his luck actually worked out! king popped off and the entire trial is SO good for advancing the plot and tying off hinata's dynamics with BOTH komaeda and nanami! the moment of sickening clarity when hinata realizes that he DOES understand how komaeda's brain works, and knows what his intentions really were? nanami and hinata's final goodbye? uuuugh sdr2 chapter 5 i love youuuuu.
rest under the cut bc Long.
47. A headcanon you have about a character?
*pushes two million unfinished drafts of Togami Headcanons to the side* i am going to talk about komaru. i think she's a butch lesbian and every time she's depicted as feminine in fanart my soul dies a little even though butch komaru exists solely in my head. i also think she's really sporty, but i've talked about that elsewhere hehe.
ok i'll talk about togami a little bit. it's 100% projection but i think he's agender. not in a way where he like. actively thinks about it -- even at Full Self-Actualization i'm not sure if i ever see him actually realizing it and actively thinking about himself in that way -- but i just dont think he as any particular connection to being a *man* outside of how it plays into his attraction to other men/his family's expectations of producing heirs. like he just kind of is how he is and doesn't feel compelled to make any particular effort to present as masculine. i could make a joke here about his gender just being Togami, but genuinely i do think that rings true. he's not a boy or a girl but a secret third thing (byakuya togami™️) does this make sense. like. to anyone (<- projecting and insane) whatever. i think he would look nice in a floor length skirt.
48. Favourite OST?
i... usually play the games on silent :X legit i know like 3 songs including mr monokumas lesson. just tried to remember what beautiful days sounded like and the wii sports theme is what my brain supplied (<- embarrassed)
i WILL say that i think drv3 has the best opening track of any of the games. its so jazzy and fun hehe
51. Character you thought you were gonna dislike but loved in the end?
mmm. hard to say, honestly? it's been so many years since i formed first impressions of the thh and gbd casts that i kind of dont even remember what i first thought of them? i have a lot of v3 characters who i thought i would like and wound up feeling kind of ehh about, but that's not the question lol
i think, Big Terrible Writing Choice aside, i was really surprised by how much i wound up actually *liking* korekiyo? like okay OBVIOUSLY they took his character in a terrible direction but before that when he's just like, a weird little freak? that ruled lol
in terms of characters that i've had full turnarounds in opinion over the course of 2012-2022? i remember not particularly liking/caring about kirigiri, sayaka, fukawa, souda, or gundam when i first read the playthroughs of their games, and now they're some of my favorites hehe. but that's less about me going *into* the games thinking i wouldnt like them -- because in both cases i went in completely blind -- and more about them growing on me like a fungus over successive playthroughs lol
56. Best free time events?
ok. take this with a grain of salt because i'm stalled out in my sdr2 replay rn so i haven't redone the free time events for that game in awhile/haven't done any v3 ftes besides maki's and ouma's because im a hater.
i think kirigiri has really good fte's. i love that she gets a little sillay in them and how subtle her progression from "why are you talking to me" to "i care deeply about you" is. i also really appreciate how the game cutting her off as an option for free time at certain points serves to make that progression feel really natural with the game's actual plot. love you miss kirigiri.
mondo's are really great as well, he's such a fun guy to interact with and him talking about wanting to be a carpenter and loving his stupid tiny dog and being too nervous to ask girls out all add such levity to his character and make it SO sad when he dies. like damn that biker gang leader trapped in a murder game really is just like. some guy in high school :-( i also loved that they brought him wanting to be a carpenter back in dr:s! made my heart soar uuuuugh i love you mondo, sorry i never ever talk about you
komaeda gets an honorable mention for his botched love confession. buddy you did So Bad.
83. Least favourite chapter?
[staring myself down in the mirror] i will not hate on v3 this time i will not hate on v3 this time i will not hate on--
chapter 4 of v3 was soooo boring guys. i hated the virtual world and idk if it was just me but the controls for it were just. nightmarish. whatever lets talk about the games i do like.
i also agree with @ovidiomedes about thh's c3 kind of dragging. it's one of my favorite trials, but the actual chapter is. really slow lol. i think part of that is due to the anticipation of chapters 4-6 which are some of my all time favorites across all three games, but i think it has larger narrative problems that contribute to that dragging feeling ://
You don't have to read past this paragraph if you don't want, it's just more of me thinking out loud and unguardedly about gender, but I just wanted to thank you two for being very civil and understanding in our disagreement. Either way I feel like I'm learning a lot.
HOWEVER, it all still doesn't sit right with me and I think I need to combine your posts/points to figure out why.
I suppose one of the reasons I think of gender as Not A Social Construct - why I specifically deny the interpersonal definition of gender put forward by VF here - is that I simply don't believe I would not be a man if I did not have people around me to perceive me as such, and the thought of it makes me uncomfortable in ways I can't quite articulate. It also, and this is important, makes me uncomfortable that other people might think that I wasn't a man in such a situation, or indeed any situation. I'll come back to that point.
CE, I think the article you sent me is undoubtedly a great one. It is well argued, it is clear in its points despite mixing analogies, and I am compelled to accept that it has a good point, that the borders, both figurative and literal, between definitions of things ARE pretty weird! I don't know if it was necessarily supposed to counter my argument in some way, or whether you're cautioning me to live with the consequences and implications of my definitions. Off VF's point, I very emphatically prefer to keep my conceptions of "gender" and "gender roles" separate. I would think the cis butch lesbians are women and the GNC cis men are men, because I might define gender roles by how stereotypically feminine or masculine one acts in everyday life, but not gender itself. People in the latter two categories you mentioned, I would be more likely to consider agender, since by (my) definition, their self-perception doesn't line up with the way their sexual phenotype has shaken out, nor particularly with any other typical sexual phenotype you are likely to find without being born intersex. That seems pretty self-consistent to me, and I have yet to think of an example where it would break down.
And yet. And yet. It's not enough for me. "If your definition works for you, use it" is a great sentiment, but I find it terribly unsatisfying. I would drop my current definition in a heartbeat if tomorrow I was told a more correct, true, and self-consistent definition of gender that worked for even more people. I like being right, but I like being wrong and finding out the truth even more.
It bothers me that my largely incorrect, overly simplistic, woefully incomplete definition of gender could be considered a valuable enough framework to be used even if that use is limited to myself. A lot of people have definitions of gender that are largely incorrect, overly simplistic, and woefully incomplete! TERFs are a great example. Find me a single TERF whose conception of gender extends beyond women having a vagina, making the babies and having two X chromosomes, while men do the violence, have a Y chromosome and generally exist as all that's wrong with the world. And of course that doesn't work as a framework of gender for most of the world. It works for them though, and clearly they're more than willing to deal with the consequences and implications of it. In SlateStarCodex terms, they are the King Solomons saying "well my purview is protecting all people with XX chromosomes and appropriate sexual characteristics ("women") from every other being on the planet ("m*n"). But I don't think the definition suiting their purposes is a good enough excuse for them to use it! Obviously it is right for trans people to be bothered by this, just as I am bothered that some people might think under certain circumstances that I am not a man!
Maybe I could be okay with having a hierarchy of gender definition Good-ness of Fit. But leaving it up to individuals to determine what gender means to them is not only, obviously, nightmarishly difficult to legislate, but it also is as much to imply that my definition of gender is no better than that of a TERF. I obviously don't want that to be the case! I know TERFs aren't correct, and I want to be more correct than them, but it seems like you're both saying that it's technically impossible. If there is a hierarchical goodness of fit, I'd like at least to know how it's sorted and to try and improve upon it as best I can.
I'm saying all of this because I believe that a robust and widely-held definition of what gender actually is will help trans people in the long-term and possibly even the short-term. We all know radfems don't, won't, and possibly psychologically can't take these things on faith, and their reliance on hard categories over subjective experiences will ultimately win over more neutral observers than it will lose. So if I could do one thing in my entire life for trans discourse it would be to present them with a definition of gender they cannot deny or refute with their present arguments. The very LAST thing I would want to do would be to tell them that the definition of gender is up to them and their perspectives.
Hi!! I just read your nazuna post and I love it <3 curious though, do you have any other transmasc hcs for other characters? Or was that just a one time thing for the drabble
I love considering any and every character as trans when the whim hits me tbh, butttt I do of course have favorites so I'm going to make a list of who and why for both horny and non horny reasons:
(under cut because i got too invested lmao)
Nazuna: Ok we already know i just have the hots for him BUT theres also other reasons. One of the big factors in Nazuna's misery in Ex Valk was because of his voice changing and no longer being able to sing his old parts. Can you imagine the angst potential in that being because he started T? ESPECIALLY if he were stealth? Like, I highly doubt he would've been able to get away with it but, if he were, then his voice changing would've been something occurring due to something he actively chose to go through. Would he feel like him choosing his joy in transitioning is the same as choosing Shu and Mika's misery? There's just so much to consider there
Mayoi: I also have the hots for them and every character I have them for is schrodinger's gender where they're whatever I want at the moment. Otherwise, he's a weirdo! A freak! I love that for him! I enjoy his funkiness and think he should embrace it with his gender. A lot of trans people are already outcasts so fuck it! he's already an outcast why not embrace it. Not to mention it would add another layer of depth to his insecurities. Transmasc, trans man, transfem, trans woman, nonbinary, agender, genderfluid, all of it!! any of it!!!
Kuro: Ok, weird one, hear me out though. It stemmed after I read this on ao3 (AFAIK the author does not have a tumblr). He feels pressure to be good for his unit, his friends, his family, etc etc- but one of the things he isn't good at is basically anything "feminine". He's a very stereotypically manly person in appearance and its often what he's recognized for. What if though, he just... starts longing to be what he's not? Maybe he spends time in groups and circles with more women because of his more stereotypical feminine interests and he finds himself feeling a bit too at home there. Maybe he gets a few opportunities to wear a cute, pretty, or beautiful getup and he's like... oh... i like this.
Just!!! Agh!!! I like the idea of transfemme Kuro a lot.
Hiyori: Ignored youngest daughter raised to ignore her own feelings discovers he's happier as a man and goes on to do his own thing but still feeling an obligation to the family that raised him even though he was pushed aside in favor of his older brother? Once again, angst potential. Oh also, he's already really fucky with his appearance in not being scared to wear prettier, more feminine shit in a way that implies he know what he's doing and i love that. Could just be him being cool as fuck, or that tboy swag. Either way, I like it.
Ibara: oh i just think it's be neat, otherwise though, we've all seen the unbloomed bogie time card. Similar vein as Kuro, he was raised in a an environment filled with nothing but men, men, and more men. He probably didn't even consider it an option for a really long time that he could be anything but a man. The way I see it happening is through a convo with someone who is already out and trans and hearing about their experiences. He thinks the experience they describe sounds to similar to his background thoughts on his gender and then it suddenly hits him that "oh no... am I?". He would probably stay in the closet a longgg time and then one day just come out all at once.
Oof I don't have to much energy for the rest of these but some others im fond of: Natsume, Shu, Niki, & Ritsu.
correct me if im wrong but arent most people who say theyre "more than just a man or a woman" just... being literal? because we have more genders than just man or woman? i mean im multigender and i am always simultaneously a man, woman, androgyne, and autigender. i've said that and ive never personally see anyone say that who wasnt multigender and being literal about it? idk it was just weird to read your post and try to figure out what you meant as, ive just only ever seen it literally mean "i am more than just a man, i am also a woman/agender/etc" yknow? idk
yeah that's like, a thing I tried to be clear about, that there's a lot of ways that it IS meant in a way that I have no disagreements with and I totally get the perspective of, it's more so when people are like....being very clear about saying that they aren't a woman/man because they're placing the limits themselves on what women/men are supposed to be?
like even beyond the obvious, ive seen a lot of trans women and trans men specifically talk about how the kind of rhetoric that contributed to them going 'well, I can't be a man/woman, im not what other people would consider those genders bc of x y z' and im kind of frustrated on their behalf when I see other nb people kind of.....enforcing this idea of 'man/woman things' being different from nonbinary things
its a similar feeling when nonbinary people say that they're nonbinary because they want to be androgynous, like. that's fine for a personal goal and aspiration, that's true for a lot of people, but linking androgyny as an inherent trait to being nonbinary just recreates like...a trinary?
tldr: lots of nb people do say things like 'i don't want to be seen as a woman, I want to be seen as a person' and that is a completely valid response and feeling, but we are still responsible for the implication of that sentence regarding the idea that women are not also people and that being a woman is mutually exclusive from wanting to be seen as a complex human person with a huge variety of ways to exist
yk it's kinda weird cause sometimes I think I'm offending nonbinary/gender neutral people (I'm literally nb/agender myself) because I sometimes keep the feminine/masculine features on the body when I draw them (besides character that are born without gender AND characters that arent mine‼️‼️) like rn I am drawing my oc in a compression shirt (they wear it under their jacket for swag) and been drawing slightly feminine features cause they're AFAB like a little more noticeable waist or a really minor buldge at the chest because binders dont 100% work all the time (it's also that my oc is canonically figuring their gender out and stuff)
I just dont understand why I think i'm offending to those people cause nb can present however they like but something in my brain sometimes goes NO
OH JUST LIKE ME FR I also feel like I'm offending fellow nbs if I do that.....and yea OFC nbs can dress and present however they want but its always that nagging feeling of "omg im upsetting someone w this" like NO brain HUSH/lh
Sorry to kick at a dead horse here, but I think we think pretty much the same thing about gender and sexuality and stuff?? And that's weird because I haven't met anyone with the same thoughts before. Because like, I've never really given two shits about what my gender is, I just don't care, but not in the way people think of agender or non-binary though. Like in a way that I just don't want any labels at all for that kind of thing altogether, because it just doesn't matter to me. So I go by she/her because its just what I've always gone by and the English language demands I use something, but I really don't vibe with the idea of being a woman, or non-binary, or really anything. I'm just me and that's all and I don't want to owe an explanation. Am I understanding you right?? Is that what you meant?? Sort of like, we should look toward a future where we just don't need these labels (I understand people like them though and I respect that) because like, gender as a concept is literally a social construct and is kinda unnecessary when you think about it. Sorry if I'm wrong and I'm just poking in the dark at a sore subject for you
yeah thats more or less it. i have a lot of respect for the people out there who Are doing the work of identifying outside of the binary and pushing the dominant cultural perceptions of gender forward but it's not something i'm interested in for myself. if there was a world where i could somehow avoid being gendered as a woman without having to majorly go out of my way to change my presentation i might consider iding as nonbinary, but as it stands it's just not really something i feel like would be empowering or freeing or whatever.
eventually we may get to a world where having to pick a word for your gender isn't necessary, but it's not gonna be our lifetime. and this movement of public recognition for nonbinary people is a critical stepping stone in that goal, make no mistake. i definitely don't think you can skip from one end to the other without that critical work in the middle. it's just... not work for me.