I need to ask, though:
*How* long has he been in the water?
The earliest "he is surely in the water now" mention I can see is Etho stepping backwards after the splash - he's stepping through the water that's why it's hard. The Bdubs hug feels like "not yet" cause Etho shouldn't be up to his shoulders then - but it might be the starting to lead in point, 'm unsure? And the singing moment might indicate the start of charming?
Honestly, I love everything about this. I love everything about every your text, the way you manipulate details and atmosphere. When I'm trying to remember my first read, it's. A lot of suspence. I know something will come, it might be Bdubs - it surely is Bdubs, and I expect him to catch Etho unaware. The murder talk, the danger that I anticipate - it's not there yet, but I'm waiting for it, and the tune, the hug, the splash, the buckle - all of them feel like fakeouts to keep the pressure. And the bells are ringing, the hints are all there, but they're so carefully weaved into everything else they might be just words.
And then the question sounds, and the horror hits.
With frantic scrolling up, re-reading, getting even more terrified, and begging for Etho to do something.
It's high mastery, imo.
Oh man, thank you so much for the kind words :D I'm glad you liked the fic, and that the suspense/horror came together so well! I don't write straight horror too terribly often? And I was trying to really stretch some muscles with this one, to see what I could do.
For when exactly Etho gets in the water: I didn't really define that for myself. I wanted him in the water to happen in the space between cues in the story. But I can talk about the things that happen around that.
When Etho sees the stone on the still water, he is getting his first glimpse of the creature. Something is watching him from across the unnatural stillness of the river. When he thinks to himself, "I'm on the dock and I'm safe," the siren song has started and he's been charmed. Up until this point, he's shown some amount of caution [walking quietly on the dock, making sure he isn't wearing anything heavy besides his sword, prioritizing what activities he does first] but when he suddenly and overtly drops caution for "I'm safe on the dock", he's being lied to by something else. And, after emphasizing that nothing can drag him into the water against his will, he reaches over the side of the dock and touches the water willingly.
The rest of the story after that is, to me, the siren justifying sounds and sensations that would break the spell. Etho hears himself shuffling on the dock -- that's just BDubs walking up behind him, nothing to worry about. Etho feels a sense of danger and unease -- well, BDubs is talking about killing Grian. Etho hears the creature moving towards him in the water -- BDubs has his legs over the side of the dock and is kicking around. BDub's eyes are the wrong color -- well, the sunset is reflecting off them, making them red.
Somewhere in these cues, Etho starts shivering, because the water is cold, and he's standing in it.
I also tried to weave in a little bit, the idea that Etho knows he's being charmed? Mostly to do with the end, when he finally gives us the reason why he came to the water in the first place: he wants to see and hear his friend again, and the monster's illusion is the only way he can. But he knows enough to be cautious. He doesn't want BDubs to touch him -- it could be the monster, keep your distance. He feels fear at the idea of deep water, something that nearly scares him out of the illusion, but when he's given the chance to break it [checking his heartbeat to see if it's unnaturally calm], it's knowing he'll stop seeing BDubs that makes him decide not to check.
Etho's flaw in this is he thinks he has more control than he does. He hasn't "come to the water" until he's stepped in. But the truth of the matter is, as soon as he decided he wanted to see BDubs again, he was already willing to be deceived, and someone can't be dragged in against their will.
"How long have I been in the water, BDubs?" [When did I fall for the charm?]
"Does it matter?" [The minute you missed hearing my voice.]
There are other little things I had fun with: the start and end of the illusion both have to do with armor, something that should protect him, but is useless when it isn't worn. Every time Etho makes the mistake of feeling safe, he can see the creature [in the river at the start, when it's trying actively to drown him at the end]. The fact that, when BDubs jumps in the water, Etho shouts "Keep your distance!" and Tango mentioned they would be listening for his scream, to come rescue him. The fact that BDubs straight up says "You're not scared of me, the monster, you're scared of the deep water. But people drown in shallow water all the time."
I dunno! Fun little things that up the stakes a little. This was a really fun one to work on :D
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have a snippet from the lil kwami swap thing i'm working on!
High above the streets of Paris, Mister Bug and Lady Noire talk about love.
It's a dangerous topic, to be sure; one that has to be tiptoed around with utmost care. A balancing act for Mister Bug. For Lady Noire too, perhaps, but she never seems like it affects her quite as much. Maybe that's why she's the one who brings it up.
"Are you in love, Mister Bug?"
His feet, from where they'd been kicking back and forth rhythmically, come to a stop. "Huh?"
"I'm just curious," says Lady Noire. On the rooftop they sit, there's more than a few centimeters of space between them. A gap that they're both waiting for Mister Bug to bridge. He only wishes he could. "Are you?"
Mister Bug tries to catch her eye. "Are you sure you want to talk about this? We... we don't have to--"
She waves a clawed hand in the air dismissively. "It's fine," she says, even though he knows it's not. He wonders what it is that's fine: talking about love, or talking about love when they both know he won't -- he can't -- reciprocate her feelings? "I wanna know. Is there anyone you love?"
There is.
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A little bit about CKC pointing field trials (puppy stakes) in general for those who are interested in how they run.
CKC has its hunting dog events broken out pretty specifically. CKC is restrictive in which breeds can run which events (e.g., only CKC registered approved pointing breeds can run pointing tests, other breeds are excluded even if they technically could complete the exercises. Rory can only run pointing events, she couldn't do a retriever test or a spaniel test).
We also have a distinction in trials vs tests, as most other venues do.
Trials - you are competing against other people and being judged against a standard. You run in pairs. Top 4 dogs get placements, once you get enough points you get a field championship.
Tests - you are running alone and being judged against a standard for a qualifying/non-qualifying runs. 3 qualifying runs gets you a title.
We are currently running CKC pointing field trials.
CKC pointing trials have two main distinctions within them - puppy stakes and senior stakes. You can enter whichever stake you're ready for, with some exceptions (like age) - you don't have to run puppy stakes before running senior stakes.
Puppy stakes are a little lower pressure because they judge puppies' potential. Within puppy stakes, there are two main types of runs.
Open puppy stakes: any puppy *of eligible breed* between 6 and 18 months old. No birds hidden in the field, no gunshots on the course, 15-20 minutes running.
Derby stakes: any puppy of eligible breed between 6 and 27 months old. At least two birds hidden in the field, puppy needs to point birds if encountered, gunshots, 20-30 minutes.
We run open puppy for now. Here's how this goes:
We are randomly paired with another puppy and handler (this pairing is called a brace, the other handler and dog are our bracemates). We walk up to the start line together (usually the entrance to a big pasture) with our puppies on leash. Two judges (on ATV or horseback) give us a quick overview of the course we have to walk. The course is usually through a big open field with medium cover (think knee high grasses and shrubs, some wetlands, some hills but no forest) and typically avoids fencelines or roads. They tell us to release our dogs at the same time, so we let the dogs off leash and start walking (very fast, and I'm a fast walker to begin with). The course is usually huge, much bigger than we could possibly walk in 20 mins.
Usually the puppies play a little bit and then get to work. The judges are looking for puppies who can ignore the other dog and handler, judges, ATV, horses, and spectators, hunt independently, cover lots of ground (move fast and steady across the terrain while still sniffing), use the wind to follow scent, and respond to their handlers' directions. If the puppies want to play too much, the judges will ask the handlers to split up a little bit to encourage the puppies to work independently. Usually you stick within about 10m (25ft) of your bracemate. Puppies can range anywhere as long as they stay visible and ahead of their handlers. (Puppies are often about several hundred metres/yards away from their handlers depending on breed. Rory ranges about 50-100m in real life and about 75-300m in field trials. It is an exhilarating exercise in trust in my training.)
The judges follow behind us and then spectators can follow behind the judges, if they want. We have to keep up a very fast pace to encourage the puppies to cover as much ground as possible, not at a jog but pretty close.
In puppy stakes, you want to keep as quiet as you can. The judges are looking for instinct and basic potential, so you don't want to ruin that by giving your dog tons of directions. If your puppy follows directions, that suggests they need directions to function. If your dog ignores directions, that's unresponsive and also bad. Ideally you shouldn't say much during your run unless there's danger (if a deer runs out, you would recall your puppy) or evils (if your puppy is eating poop, you could recall or redirect). You are allowed to chat with your bracemate but you have to hustle fast so it's usually friendly but minimal.
One important piece of open puppy stakes is that there are no planted birds in the field! There may be wild birds, but it's unlikely. Many people "over train" their bird dog puppies on live birds, and then the puppies get really frustrated that there are no birds in the field after they search so hard. This causes puppies to slow down or give up entirely during their run, so this is something that judges look for. In real life hunting, there's no guarantee of birds so it's important that puppies can work through frustration without losing enthusiasm.
The judges kind of shout directions (go left, head for those trees) from behind to keep us on course. In the best courses, the judges make you walk a loop, but sometimes your time ends in the middle of a field. When your time is up, the judges will thank you and tell you to leash your dog. We recall our puppies and put them on leash and walk them back to our cars for water and snacks.
That's the whole run for open puppy! It's very low pressure. The puppies basically just follow their hearts and do what they were made to do.
Derby is extremely similar, except there are birds planted in the field. The puppies don't HAVE to find birds but obviously its preferable that they do. If they find birds, they must point (stop moving and stand still staring at the bird). They don't have to be steady to flush or shot (they can chase when the bird flies or when the gun goes off), and only blanks are shot in derby. The course is a little longer but everything else is the same.
In open puppy and derby stakes, the judges are just looking for potential. They want to know if your dog would be competitive in the senior stakes, so they're looking for lots of independence, lots of bird drive, lots of stamina, things like that. Because they're judging potential, younger puppies may be judged a little easier than older puppies.
I think that's the gist of puppy stakes in CKC pointing field trials! Send me a message if you have questions about our experience so far!
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