#its my dnd and i get to choose my trauma

[risingsuntarot]

1--2

3-4

General Messages & Advice !!

⚠️TW Quick mention of s*icidal ideation⚠️

I honestly had no set plan for this reading negl so I kinda just pulled out some cards to describe the collective energies and give them some advice sorry if this is long !! This took me quite a while so any love would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading 💜

Excuse any typos :+//

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Pile ONE

---Cards pulled---

Ace of cups/Queen of Coins/2 of Coins

---Clarification---

9 of Coins/7 of Coins/8 of Wands

I see you're able to either barely able hold onto your emotions and new beginnings or you manage them quite well no inbetween

Youre extremely intelligent, patient yet fast and direct, dedicated and multifaceted it may have taken a lot to get to this point although

Im sensing a lot of emotional sensitivity yet you are perceived as stone when you feel like glass

"Petite, Cute, Princess, Marilyn monroe, Dainty" maybe youre described as such?

Strong sense of justice and very dependable, able to maintain balance

Maybe you feel lost inside? S*icidal ideation ? Or loneliness is a big factor

Possible lack of belief in change and self confidence

Im getting Hopeless romantic or dissatisfaction in love life if im being honest

No inspiration for life :'+(

Unstable Family background or relationships

Youre extremely pessimistic arent you? Im so sorry but i feel genuine pain hurt and the urge to cry almost? But something wont allow me to

Suppressed emotions or memories :+((

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Eagle "see from a higher perspective"

Air Gaurdian "Shift your perception"

Lord "Take charge with authority"

High Priest "Intend ans Create"

There is a need for the sun and nature for playing a huge part in your healing, maybe its seasonal depression or simply anxiety or the "no inspiration for life" thats here

Bed rot could be a thing

There is a need to release old habits desires and ego

Confide in a masculine figure in your life or a masculine figure sees your distress (Gender doesn't matter its all energy)

Protection is needed and maybe a nice cleanse, maybe a cedar bath?

Again seasonal depression is coming up lol

You could be either a pieces or one of the Air signs

Take pride in your appearance, in the card she has long flowing black hair and stunning eyes!! Piercings too? Specifically a left nose piercing

Over thinking/pondering lol

Possible past friends or connections have ended badly?

Opportunities will only open up when you open your eyes and see that what you choose to see in the world if what youll perceive and experience

Lord of the rings/DND/Elden Ring/LARPing?

Rams could be significant or Aries sign!!

Learn a new instrument!! Make more art but with your own style ? Maybe youre in a art achool that doesnt allow for much individuality? But being a proud ab your individuality here is important!!

Birds are an important sign here, look out for feathers, hawks or eagles!!

If youre indigenous/Native/Aboriginal you may be receiving an Eagle Feather from an elder or during ceremony?! What an honor oml

Willie Jack from reservation dogs Vibes !!

---Channeled Songs---

LVL up - David strickland, Drezus, Aspects, prognosis

This came on during writing the eagle feather bit a lyric that caught my attention was

"Been a problem, Still a problem

But problems are what you need to grow"

Runaway - Lil peep

"Everybody act like they care, Why the fuck do everybody act like they care"

When I'm Gone - Eminem

"Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling

And I didn't feel a thing,

So, baby, don't feel no pain

Just smile back"

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PILE TWO

---Cards pulled---

The hermit/Knight of wands/8 of wands

---Clarification---

9 of cups/The Empress/Strength

Im getting like lost rebellion? And being unhealed and hurt inside from past trauma's specifically abandonment, neglect or betrayal from authority figures or those you had trusted

Feeling empty and misguided despite only trusting yourself, and no one seems to want to listen to your advice/experiences leading you to feel isolated and forgotten in a way?

Maybe you're a party animal, possible drinker and/or just popular/known in social settings

There is heavy overindulgence in emotionally fufilling things, specifically overspending and maybe other possible addictions (sleep, food, drugs etc)

Mother/Feminine figure is very important in your life

You look to them for approval of many things but they may have been not caring about your emotional needs or satisfaction rather they cared more about your hidden strengths and "beast inside" ?? Or even how "weak" they perceived you, they may have been disappointed at your strengths and abilities, n maybe they put you in some kind of martial arts or boxing despite your disinterest in it?

Quick to move on from situations!! Yet indecision and regret is coming through Strongly

Impatient with skills and talents that dont turm out they way you wanted so perfectionist type vibes

You are a clear communicator but tend to be rather impulsive with decisions or say one thing and do a completely different thing

Extreme harshness towards oneself and heavy judgement too :+(

Feeling exposed? Like all eyes are on you yet you dont want them

I feel a facade of confidence but there is true confidence coming through by the tiniest bit? yet it's heavily based on the feminine figures perspective in your life one with authority also your own perspective on yourself

Lots of self hatred and anger

Family oriented, getting protective yet detached energy tho

Cancer by my chemical romance came on so that song may be relevant?

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Wise One "Grow within your current situation"

Mountains "Stand your ground"

Stargazer "Set your sights higher"

Direction guardian "Choose your path"

Owls maybe significant to you and other avians such as ravens

The wise one card depicts a woman with feathers in her gray hair, description of someone possibly?

Also a crescent moon is atop the owls head so maybe Athena or Greek mythology is important to you

I sense there was a lot of hardship in your life, ups and downs, peaks and valleys yet you choose to persevere and stay strong

I see you have may have been passed down a gift having to do with dreams, keep a journal and look into meanings of those dreams!! Also maybe astrology is something you love to look into or have an interest in ?

Although something is blocking this gift from its fullest potential i believe there is healing or a cycle to be closed off before youre allowed to fully tap into it !! It'll take time and work on your part

As of now you have many choices to make in many areas of life, youre heavily protected by your guides and loved ones, the direction guardian is depicted with a Seraphim as described by the hebrew prophet Ezekiel!!

Specifically in Ezekiel 28:11-19 is where the seraphim is described

You have choices, this card is to remind you that YOU have the power of your own path and direction

---Channeled Songs---

Cancer - MCR

"Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo

But counting down the days to go

It just ain't living

And I just hope you know

That if you say (if you say)

Good-bye today (good-bye today)

I'd ask you to be true (I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this

Is leaving you"

No place to hide - Korn

"Some will look at the time I looked back into my life

You wanna touch me to see what's in my eyes

Why do you make me remember my hate, all this shame?

Don't you hate me? Sometimes"

I-E-A-I-A-I-O - SOAD

"Mine delusions acquainted,

Bubbles erotica,

Plutonium wedding rings,

Icicles stretching,

Bicycles, shoestrings,

One flag, flaggy but one,

Painting the paintings of the alive."

Although this seems like nonsense many fans believe its abbreviations or like code!! Soo...

M D E = Media and so on

The sentence comes together as:

"Media back-end power is bullshit, opposing force for the power of propaganda"

Stole this^^^ from genuis btw lmao

Theres the "lost rebel" part lol

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PILE THREE

---Cards pulled---

2 of swords/The Chariot/10 of Wands

---Clarification---

Ace of Swords/Knave of Coins/6 of wands

I feel more a message for this pile? And i do apologize but it is quite shorter than the rest but I will try my best to deliver both tho

You seem to be a very balanced person with clear morals and judgement, you have an ability to see all shades of gray in a black and white world maybe you work in the justice system? Or are dealing with the justice system ?And this stresses you out greatly yet you maintain hope for all that you see and deal with even if you see repeating injustices to those around you

Maybe PTSD is a factor here too, overthinking your own trauma or others

Anyways despite your position here you choose this pile for a reason !! You offer people truth and often give closure to cycles that needed to end

With the 2 of coins tho i think there is some imbalance between what you can and cannot do ? If that makes sense, like you can heal others or give them justice but cannot do the same for yourself :+(

Anyways the message i sense from this pile is pretty straight forward, you are giving someone (or yourself!!) the chance or closure to heal once more and whatever you may be waiting for is coming in quite quick although I feel there may be someone who may come in to sabotage the whole thing so be careful about who you choose to reveal this information to

They may offer a trade of some sort?

A deal, hush money or simply intimidation

Up your protection and be aware of fake friends yet still remain hopeful about the outcome because i see it turning out in your favor

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Snake "Shed old skin"

Protection Guardian "Drop your Shields"

Winter "Take care of your needs"

High Priestess "Harness mystic power"

Again straightforward, beware of fake Friends and deals with strings attached my advice here is to up your protection and stand your ground!!

Drop your gaurd with those who you KNOW you can trust, you may need ro let out some stresses and emotions? Because the card winter is all about needs and hibernation so sleep well, eat and take some time to relax !!

Also might be an indication that whatever this situation is it may have happened in the winter/colder months

While in this time of self care and healing strengthen your knowledge and strengths learn how to master them !!

Your dreams and own special psychic gifts are important and potent !! Use them for yourself at this moment in time use that healing energy for yourself

Have confidence in yourself and know and own your protection because again you are heavily protected at this time you will most likely know who to stay away from very soon

Follow you intuition and what it tells you !!

---Channeled Songs---

The bird and the worm - The Used

[Whispered Post-Chorus] "Don't tell on me, don't tell on me. No, don't you tell on me, please. It's okay, don't tell on me, please..."

I find it interesting that its not the actual audible lyrics but if you listen to the song this is what the whispers are saying so...take it as it resonates

Spiders - SOAD

"Approaching guiding light

Our shallow years in fright

Dreams are made, winding through my head"

Bad dreams might be significant to you? Please try to relax good things are coming !!

Mama - MCR

"You should have raised a baby girl

I should've been a better son

If you could coddle the infection

They can amputate at once

You should've been

I could have been a better son"

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Pile Four

---Cards pulled---

5 of cups/4 of wands/Knave of coins

---Clarification---

8 of wands/6 of cups/Knave of wands

I believe there currently is dissatisfaction with your love life or offers within love at this moment or even just impatiently waiting for your current partner/interest to "make a move"

There isnt a lot of hope or faith in the connection on your part but i do see this person is interested they just operate differently and have some concerns

Mostly having to do with being used for their material gain, name position and/or authority

They do see this connection quite successful but they hate being put on a pedestal, due to this they wont have the guts to come forward if they do!! It will most likely be impulsive or very confusing and indirect which might leave both of yous flustered mainly them

This might be over drinks because my face is warming up lol

They see you as the four of wands and 6 of cups what a wonderful pair of cards together!!

But they see your disappointment and or pulling away from their energy which is turning them off easily but they still have their eyes on you

They have no time to be a chaser or to be chased this person is quite serious in their relationships so dont play childish games, play stupid games and win stupid prizes right?

They have come to a decision on their own but its also up to them when this information is revealed to you directly

Also there seems to be a sort of distrust with relationships on either sides which needs to be addressed before hand

Communication maybe be an issue

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Medicine Guardian "Be open to healing information"

Elder "Healing through lineage"

Peacekeeper "Harmonious resolution is possible"

Lady "enjoy growth a reap rewards"

I feel like time is needes to open up tp yourself and heal some issues on your side first, become the best possible version you can before you can move on with this

I see that this connection may heal cycles in your family and generational trauma possibly?

Its your job to keep cool despite the circumstances now and remember to mediate and that peace is always an option. Not every battle is worth fighting

However this goes you will be happy with what you see in the mirroe nonetheless!! Enjoy your hardwork and healed state

---Channeled Songs---

Fed Up - Ghostmane

"I'm fed up with the fame

I'm sick of reading my name in any other way than I intended

Fed up with all of these motherfuckers misunderstandin' me

I'm fed up with the ones that try to say you a fan of me

But then they turn their back and mothafuckers abandon me

You think I'm sitting high with everything, but now can't you see?

I'm livin' in reality, a struggle, not fantasy

I'm in a million-dollar couch, back then I was in a van"

No you girls - Franz Ferdinand

"Sometimes I say stupid things

But I think, well, I mean I

Sometimes I think the stupidest things

Because I never wonder

Oh, how the girl feels

Oh, how the girl feels"

Driven Under - Seether

"Must be something on your mind

Something lost for me to find

Do you know I'm faking?"

I feel this is more the distrust with their previous relationship possibly?

Also this lyric

"We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this all again

We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this"

Also pile 3 may have some messages?? I accidentally typed pile three for this one? :+//

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[exsanguidus]

Controversial opinion; I think Ascended Astarion is the true Astarion. In DnD lore, vampirism amplifies a person's traits for whoever they are at the time they become a true vampire. A Paladin wanting to save people will end up ruling a city with an iron fist to keep people safe. A mage wanting to heal those they love will hurt everyone else to heal them. Astarion was on a journey with Tav - one from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy. I think Ascended Astarion is cannon Astarion. He will always be a vampire, and vampires in DnD are always the amplification of a true self. Without ascention, he is still malleable - but I don't think its what he wants. He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is.

I'm going to start this with a disclaimer:

I work in the mental health field professionally and majored in Social & Behavioral Science, which is partly why I felt drawn to Astarion as a sort of case study. Characters rooted in trauma are interesting to me and I enjoy picking them apart to judge how real it feels. I utilize my educational and professional background to essentially guide how I write Astarion on this account.

That said, despite me being a professional in the field, all of what I have to say is my personal opinion and interpretation of Astarion's character based on how I interpret the material Larian gave us and the material that can be found in DND lore. Even in real life, things have variation and not all mental health struggles (getting over trauma is part of mental health) present the exact same way. There are theories that exist to try and explain some trends in mental health studies, psychology, and sociology, but again they're called theories for a reason.

Now, my response to this question will be under the cut and will include spoilers.

I know what lore in particular you're referencing, anon, because I've been going back to it a lot ever since I opened this account.

Astarion very much has an insecure attachment style born from his abuse at Cazador's hands. Specifically, an anxious-avoidant attachment type that leans more towards avoidant when he's first met and then begins to swing more towards anxious as he begins to get closer to Tav and the other companions.

Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them (Mark Manson, Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships).

Typically, most studies of Attachment Theory focus on the relationship of parents-children or romantic partners, but it can also be applied to any significant relationship someone has in their lifetime. Attachment styles thus are capable of changing based on new relationship experiences.

If you end up giving him the "good" ending where he denies the Ascension, it's implied in his final dialogue that he's actively working towards having a secure attachment type due to the influences of his fellow worm-afflicted associates - particularly Tav.

I think that it's important to also note that, even if Tav doesn't romantically connect with Astarion, he shows hints of desperately wanting someone to care for him, support him, and love him. He does want to know what sex would be like as something other than a tool, and especially what it would be like to actually want to have it just for the pure sake of enjoying having it.

You have to understand that Astarion doesn't even understand the concept of casual sex or friends with benefits. All those times he had to seduce people for Cazador was not casual sex or a friends with benefits situation. All of them were transactions with a means to an end. He got nothing out of seducing those victims besides the possibility of not incurring Cazador's wrath that night - but even then, there was still a possibility because Cazador was an abuser.

Abusers are incapable of providing genuine safety, but can manipulate their victims into believing an illusion of safety. Often times, they manipulate their victims into this by using phrases like "you made me do this by being disobedient", "it wouldn't come to this if you just did what you were told", and then weaponizing basic needs such as shelter, food, and social interaction. The bare minimum becomes something the victim is expected to be grateful for and viewed as a favor, which means anything beyond the bare minimum is expected to be viewed as a theatrical showing of care and love.

In game, Tav has the chance to hear Astarion tell the story of how Cazador turned him. He basically states that he got attacked by a mob due to a ruling he handed down when he was magistrate and then Cazador saved him and offered him immortality. It can be inferred that in his pre-vampiric days, Astarion had no idea that Cazador was abusive to his spawn.

This is likely because it seems that Cazador is careful about his public image. He doesn't allow his spawn to drink from humans, very likely not just as a means to further oppress them and dampen their potential power they could get from drinking people's blood, but also as a way to ensure there's not just a bunch of people out in the city being bitten and left alive to tell the story - or left dead on the street suspiciously.

He has his spawn seduce and lure people, particularly lower class people that would be harder for general society to realize is missing or just that he knows people who could actually challenge him wouldn't care for (you learn that reading some of the books and notes in Szarr Palace). The only exception to this is the kidnapping of Gur children, but even then it seems to fit his MO as it seems Gur are considered somewhat outcasts from the rest of Baldurian society due to their cultural differences.

It should also be noted that he himself doesn't do these seductions or kidnappings. He specifically chooses spawn to be his lackeys and that's likely so, if shit hits the fan and the spawn gets caught, he has deniability since he wasn't there. It's methodical and thought out to keep as many eyes away from him so he can still obtain what he wants and keep sailing under the radar.

Cazador is this methodical and purposeful as a result of his own trauma, which we learn about from the skull of his master in the dungeon of Szaar Palace. There's one interaction in particular with the skull in which Tav can learn that, at one point, Cazador attempted to rebel and usurp his master. Cazador failed and his master punished him via impalement. Not because Cazador had the audacity to try and usurp him, but because Cazador tried and failed. Cazador's master punished Cazador via torture because his master was disgusted by the fact that his spawn was too weak to succeed in such a plot.

Which brings me to my next point... it's not uncommon for victims of abuse to later become abusers. Hence the term Cycle of Abuse exists. Many abusers who were once victims often have the mentality of either "I'm not nearly as bad as my abuser was, they should be grateful I care enough to not be so bad" or "I survived and it made me tougher, they need to suck it up and let it help them build character" or both. They often fail to view their abuse as abuse and fail to recognize how their experience as abuse victims contributes into making them toxic and abusive to others.

There's many peer-reviewed scholarly articles you can find about the cycle of abuse, but one I particularly find useful is Editorial: Dissociation, and cycles of abuse across generations by David P.H. Jones. It talks specifically about parents and children, but I believe some of the general points made can be applied to Cazador and his spawn, as he crafts a very family-like setting that can be seen in the way that his spawn refer to one another as brothers and sisters.

This would thus make him the father figure, a role exponentially made important by the fact he denies his spawn education on things that could serve to give them ideas or the ability to leave him (for example, Astarion mentions that none of the spawn were permitted to learn about the language of the various symbols around the palace) and he consistently chooses his Golden Children (Favored Spawns) as a means of providing more false security. Do what he says, when he says, exactly how he says and don't complain then you will have benefits. You will be Favored, and to have his favor is the highest honor you could achieve.

Torture is clearly presented as Cazador's primary go-to for discipline. Research has also concluded that trauma has a way of affecting the brain and memories.

Trauma can prevent information (like words, images, sounds, etc.) from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory. The temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory (The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine).

Astarion mentions a few times in-game that he can barely remember his life before Cazador, if at all, and a huge part of that is likely because of all the trauma Cazador inflicted upon him that exacerbated the natural occurrence of memory loss from aging (if vampires experience natural memory loss from aging, that is). This is most likely true for all of Cazador's spawn.

I say all this as a set up to truly answering you, anon, specifically where you say: "from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy."

I can argue that Astarion did not feel free up until after a decision to Ascend or not was made. And I argue that stance due to some dialogue he can have with Tav here he basically states that the power Ascension could guarantee that no one, even someone after Cazador is dead, could ever come in to oppress and hurt him again. Even with Cazador dead, he has such an intense fear of being enslaved and used that he turns to catastrophic thoughts as justification to why he needs to Ascend.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes and believe that terrible or catastrophic outcomes—which are highly unlikely—become, in one’s mind, salient and extremely likely. (Tom Zaubler, MD, MPH).

Aside from the Gur, whom Astarion can manage to evade and even kill perfectly fine as just a spawn, we're not presented with any hints of another big bad in the vampire world that could possibly want Astarion. As such, there's not really any tangible threat, but rather a perceived threat that he believes is destined to darken his doorstep at any time.

His catastrophic thinking is a trauma response. His belief that he needs to be the most powerful being in the room as a way to be truly free is a trauma response. Cazador broke him down emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually to make him believe that he was weak and trapped. Furthermore, that he remained trapped because he was too weak to do anything about it.

You see how this goes full circle into how Cazador's master punished Cazador for not being able to successfully usurp him? It places blame on the victim, allowing shame and helplessness to root that the abuser can manipulate. We know that Astarion definitely feels shame because he tells Tav that. For most of his dialogue until the boss fight, he's constantly bringing up that he did what Cazador wanted and acted obedient because he had no choice.

This is true, he had to act in self-preservation to survive and unfortunately that meant he had to be subservient. A few dialogue choices you can have your Tav pick can challenge Astarion and say he could have still tried, to which he'll rightfully tell Tav that Tav has no right to judge him for the choices he made to survive.

When Astarion encounters Sebastian in the dungeon, its made pretty obvious how much guilt and shame he truly feels. Furthermore, that for all Astarion's protesting and exclaiming that no one has the right to judge him, a part of him did believe that he didn't do enough to try and escape enslavement. A part of himself blamed himself and believed he allowed himself to be abused when, in reality, he was put in a horrible situation with very limited options. He did the best he could in the moment, with what information he had in those moments.

I also want to argue that who Astarion is when we meet him isn't his true self. It's who he had to become in order to survive Cazador. Astarion doesn't even know who his true self is because he didn't have the opportunity to explore his own likes and preferences. Cazador molded all of his spawn because he had a specific purpose for them.

Not only that, but since Cazador would have to more directly deal with these spawn since he used them as lackies, he also would have molded them to behave in ways to his preference so that he wouldn't find their presence unbearable and feel inclined to murder them out of annoyance. This is also where the Favored Spawn being separated and set on a pedestal comes into play. Those who could please him and play to his wants and needs had better benefits. If all of the spawn are acting in self-preservation, they would want to be favored and thus would want to adapt themselves to things Cazador liked and approved of.

This would mean learning to be cruel to those less fortunate and not doing anything as charity. This is the reason why Astarion approves of some questionable decisions Tav can make. Astarion learned his ideals and morality from Cazador because he had to so he could know how to please Cazador and stay in his master's good graces. After a while, even if you started off disagreeing, forcing yourself to act a certain way can become a habit that sticks with you. You convince yourself to enjoy it too so it's easier to swallow.

Astarion craves power because he knows that power is the quickest, easiest, and - what he believes - most effective way to prevent him from having to use that method ever again. It's logical to want power to solve that.

You said in your ask: "He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is."

In the most literal of terms, yes, Ascension gives him all of those. However, since the basis of him believing he needs power to be free is rooted in fear, that's not actually really freedom. That is still his fear ruling over him.

There's a stark difference in what someone wants versus what they need. He wants power, to be seen, to be loved, and to be free. What he actually needs is security, stability, support, consistency, empathy, and autonomy. The things he wants is what he believes will solve the empty cups of what he needs, and he believes that because the only example he had on how to act to get what you want - until the events of the game - was Cazador. He literally had no other example of how to get your needs met except through selfishness, cruelty, force, manipulation, and abuse.

Again, I reiterate. The Astarion we first meet is not Astarion's true nature. Astarion's true nature was corrupted by his abuse from Cazador and the subsequent trauma that followed. If it had been his true nature, he would have happily been Cazador's subject because their true natures would have been in alignment.

It only becomes his true nature if he allows that trauma to define him and decides that he needs to embrace it rather than fight it. That is then what gets amplified because that fear that roots those wants becomes amplified.

Honestly, it's impossible to say what would be canon for Astarion because there's too many factors.

Studies have shown that having more supportive and positive influences, even if its later in life after leaving the abuser, tends to work in favor of the victim breaking the cycle of abuse. As such, I think that if you make a Tav who's core values are autonomy, consent, second chances, and redemption and somehow manage to get high enough approval that he'd even consider caring what they think; then its more likely that Astarion would reject Ascension due to observing how much softer, kinder, patient, and merciful Tav is.

But if its a Tav that has no interest in getting to know him beyond the surface or Tav doesn't exist at all, I honestly think he would end up going through with Ascension. Mostly because, to me, it seems like he didn't really bother to have more than surface level interactions with the other companions and the other companions really only ended up getting to know him better as a result to Tav managing to get past his masking. He does not lower his mask on his own accord, only after certain things are done and said by Tav.

Unfortunately, I just don't really think any of the other companions you can pick up in-game would really be able to provide support and determined consistency in the same way that players can make Tav. Hence I don't think he'd end up caring enough about any of them to ever start to think that perhaps freedom can be defined differently than the way he initially believes, and would view Ascension as the only right way to get his needs fulfilled.

[kesleyjo]

I'm having some finale wine and I think I've got it. My final resolute head canon of Riverdale.

Keep in mind I have not watched the end of season 5 through the end and have absolutely no intention to, but I've seen and heard enough about *gestures vaguely* all of that to still stand by this.

Disclaimer: I do not believe this is what the writers intended whatsoever. This is all my imagination. I do however believe in this canon whole heartedly and its as true to me as whatever RAS's vision is to him. You choose who to trust.

Okay so first and foremost the entire series is written by Jughead. It's all his writings that are probably all sitting in a google docs draft folder.

I justify this due to the following:

He is the narrator

The entire series is obsessed with Betty Cooper for good or ill (I'll get to it)

Its all kind of sort of been alluded to that its all Jughead's writings anyway. At least in S1, again. I'll get to the why of that in a second.

He started writing season 1 in his junior year (so a year after the events of the S1). He read In Cold Blood (on his own, not for class, very important to him that you all know this) and was like "Hey my town had a murder and I have some trauma around it, so I should totes do this." And thus S1 is born.

This is why that season is (relatively) more grounded and far more realistic than the rest of the series because its based on a real true thing that happened and the real feelings and emotions of people involved. It has the least amount of exaggeration (but enough, because Jughead) and has the most coherent plot, which would make sense since Jughead isn't making anything up, he is recalling events.

This is also the only season that directly ties Jughead's narration and the plot to the book Jughead is writing on page, and thus tying them both together. Because again, its a thing that really happened.

So the characterizations, motivations, and actions of everyone in season 1 is the model of how and how these characters actually are and are a base for further exaggeration.

Seasons 2-4 are also based on true events but are exaggerations/interpretations of things that really happened, but are altered to make them more interesting to Jughead's readers (heh).

I don't want this post to be a novel so here is a brief listing of that I am thinking here for some of the main plots (but if you have a plot you want me to fit into this canon let me know):

The Black Hood: When Jughead showed Betty his first manuscript (S1) the positive constructive criticism she gave was that, "True crime is really popular right now, so this fits in with the zeitgeist." And Jughead ran with it. Fred also had his first heart attack at this time...we all know where I'm going with that so I'll just leave that there. RIP.

Making Hal the Black Hood: Hal leaves the family after the Polly debacle and finding some racy pics on Betty's computer (she sent them to Jug, she wasn't a camgirl) and decides to start his life over with a woman who is far more moral (and probably like 2 years older than Polly)

The Serpents/Class War with Hiram: Not a gang, just those under the boot of the rich that Hiram tries to eradicate through good ol fashioned gentrification. Archie and Veronica also start spending more time doing rich people shit and that drives a divide between the two main couples of the core four. But less about political plots and more about teenagers growing apart because of different interests

Season 3: Putting this all together because Jughead was having a hard time finding a plot here. So he focused on Alice's new weird young boyfriend who actually ended up taking off with Polly (leaving her twins), his newfound obsession with DnD (Betty was exhaustedly supportive of this) and Kevin's endless talk about the new megachurch he just joined. He and Betty also started watching a lot of horror films and Hitchcock at the time which leads us to...

Season 4: He and Betty go off to different schools but its because of college, not because Jug is the chosen one (again see why he is writing all of this himself). He meets a lot of pretentious people that challenge his relationship with Betty and he turns it into a mystery.

So now we have made it to 4.17. Ugh.

Okay so Jughead has written all of this, and reading everything back feels that Archie and Betty (who go to the same college now and are friends again after growing apart after he dated Veronica) have grown too close and Jug self destructs.

He self sabotages so hard and makes a story up in his head that Betty would be much happier with Archie who is doing perfectly mediocre at college while Jughead flunked out.

So he and Betty break up after a lot of frustrated fighting.

And he begins to write Betty differently. Wildly differently.

(You can't tell me this doesn't make more sense than whatever the hell happened in the show.)

Jughead dejected from his failure at school and his breakup Writes on and off for the next few years. His next main attempt is S5. His attempt at more realistic writing.

(Its also after Betty enters his life again, because at her core Betty is his muse)

He works through his fictional frustrations of Betty and Archie as a possible couple (They never dated. Archie is actually a aromantic pansexual who does not do commitment) and realized that he made it all up and they have nothing in common.

Jughead and Betty get back together at the end of "Season 5" but Betty tells him that writing about their real life is what tore them apart, so he needs to not use their relationship in his writing anymore.

So Jughead decided to get weird and wildly experimental with his writing. And because Jughead is not a particularly good writer S6 and S7 are born.

Betty, absolutely running out of positive things to say about his last few writing attempts tells him that maybe these exaggerated versions of their lives that bear no resemblance to the real world have run their course, and he should try something new.

So Jughead wraps up this now unrecognizable series of writings and moves onto something new.

With Betty diligently serving as his editor. She got distracted with her new job and left him unattended for those last few seasons and look what happened.

Also I realize that Archie/Veronica/Cheryl/Toni are absent in this so briefly

Archie: He always was in awe of Archie and slightly jealous of what he perceived he had over Jughead...this is why he is the quasi-hero and also why he tortures Arch and treats him like an idiot.

Veronica: I cannot stress this enough. He and Veronica have no relationship. She is his friend's girlfriend and his girlfriend's best friend. The only thing he really knows about her is she is rich and hot. So he makes that her core personality and slaps on whatever traits fit her best for whatever plot he is writing at the time.

(This is also why almost all the women Veronica, Tabitha, Jessica, and Toni all are at some time his love interest. Self instert fan fic Jug. We see you.)

Cheryl/Toni: He and Toni are friends and Cheryl is her girlfriend who endlessly terrifies him. That is the core of her characterization.

I already regret the fact that I am sharing this long-winded mess with the world...but I can't take it back now.

Enjoy. And if you don't that is fine. It's my head canon not yours. Go make your own.

Have fun on finale night folks.

[punkitt-is-here]

id like to start this by saying that i have never watched or read anything mlp-related. i have a feeling that if i was a kid and i had access to it id be insufferable, bc i loved horses, but alas the stars didnt align. my only interaction with mlp comes from ur funny/heart-warming comics, and thats how i learned the names of several characters.

last night, i had a dream. i don't know if you are familiar with witch hat atelier (its an absolutely beautiful manga and has amazing story), but (not gonna spoil anything) theres this teacher who accepts young witchlings to teach them how to do magic. he feels a strong kinship toward one of the girls bc they underwent the same trauma. okay? so now we can get into my dream

i had a dream that i was helping my friend with a dnd session. it was mlp but set in the WHA universe, and each player had a character. i think the ones my friends were playing were (sorry in advance if i cant say their names correctly) fluttershy, twilight, rainbow dash and rarity. a boy in our group also went and chose the most generic boy pony ever, typical cishet behavior. so the story was that i was a teacher, teaching the young ponies to do magic. it was really fun, like the players could invent spells and then roll and see if their spell would work or not, and theyd have to describe how they're doing it! and since i was the teacher i could guide them and tell them which part of their spells were wrong. but the thing was that at the end of each sessions id roll a d6, and based on the number, some of the players would die the next session. id close my eyes and theyd form a line and id choose the dying characters randomly. i rolled a 5 in the current session in my dream, and everyone was aghast. like even my own character, the teacher, was going to die. so, predictably, the players were upset. things were going peacefully, what could possibly kill them? but they werent aware of a golden god pony who had died and was going to fall down, and its mere presence would destroy the fabrics of the world they were in. i was searching everything to find a way to resurrect the dead ponies in the future session, but i couldnt really find a way. it was really tense and really dramatic.

all the while the actual fucking dm was like uh.... i thought this was my campaign??? and then i woke up.

sorry for the long ask, i just thought u might want to know how you have infested my dreams!

I absolutely love the return of the DM going ???? This is a great dream

[major-fukkup]

@hyperobsession here goes!

So, I've created several different DnD pcs, as one does, so I can use them for different things BUT in my mind they all also exist in a separate AU where they're all in the same party and the problem with this is three of them are rogues.

Two of them, Ezian (catfolk) and Vargas (tiefling), become best friends almost immediately (just kidding it takes at least a week or two) bc it turns out they share a braincell and work reeeaaally well together. And they basically force the third, Sivain (half elf), to join their lil mini group within the party just bc ya know, they gotta, but he's traumatized (to be fair they all are lol but his trauma was the most recent) and doesn't wanna get close to anyone. Eventually he learns to trust them, and they never let him down. At least, not intentionally.

They are, for all practical purposes, being babysat by Storm, the chillest bard ever (you may remember him - he's a dragonborn), and Ash, a wood elf druid with a moral compass that won't quit. They basically become co- party leaders on account of being the smartest, and also the biggest and strongest (in a "the strong protect the weak" kind of way, not a "might makes right" way lol).

Storm doesn't really care what the rogues do as long as they aren't actually hurting anybody, but Ash tries to talk morals into them - to be fair they do have standards of their own but they struggle quite a bit with reason and logic, and Sivain believes quite heavily in destiny and luck. For example if someone drops their wallet or whatever and doesn't notice then it's fair game - bad luck for them, good luck for him.

Ash eventually learns to look the other way sometimes, but not if there is an objectively morally correct course of action that can be taken. She chooses not to partake of any goods that she knows are stolen but she isn't going to deprive her companions of stuff they actually kind of need, either.

Also Volstar, the edgy halfling sorcerer, is there but he mostly keeps to himself. He spent the first few months with the party constantly assuring them (himself actually) that he was ONLY in the same place at the same time as them because they happened to be investigating the same thing (they asked for his help one time with one thing and he was already looking into it so he figured why the hell not but he expected them to leave him alone afterward and they very much did not).

He talks to his mage hand and minor illusion more than any of them. ...Until one day he finds himself calling the party his friends. He never regrets it, either.

And of course we can't forget about Mark, a high elf ranger who doesn't give any fucks about anyone or anything except himself and smoking weed (I originally made him a high elf just for that joke even though wood elf would make more sense). He's literally just a hunter but he always wondered what was beyond the forest so he agrees to accompany the party into the city they're heading toward.

While there, they find a raccoon and he tries to kill it but it starts talking and the other party members decide to adopt it. Its (his) name is Roadkill but it's unclear if he already had that name or if they gave it to him.

Roadkill immediately decides Mark is his favorite person, you know, the guy who tried to kill him at first sight, and spends the majority of his time sitting on his shoulder. He refuses to get within five feet of Ash despite the fact that she's objectively the most adept at animal handling.

He is also a thief (I'm not giving him a class simply bc he'd be a rogue and that would make four, and also bc he's a raccoon and doesn't deserve a class [affectionate]) and frequently attempts to steal from Mark, who in turn chases him around trying to stab him. This continues nearly every night until Mark is given a reason to care about someone other than himself and has a change of heart (it is unclear how much time that takes, and also unclear exactly what happens to incite this reaction - I have some ideas but nothing set in stone yet).

Roadkill also fights with the rogues over shiny things. They don't try to kill him like Mark did but he does find a dagger somewhere and they quickly give up on trying to take it away from him.

That's about it for these guys, for right now anyway. I have so much more to say about each one but that can be done another time, in another post.

I'm also working on a couple more pcs including a half orc paladin and a drow cleric but since I'm not overly familiar with either of those classes I'm waiting 'til I have time to consult the Player's Handbook before continuing their development. I also want to add a barbarian to the mix but I don't have any exceptionally good ideas for one so I'm not sure yet. Maybe a gnome bc I love the idea of a really strong tiny dude. I was considering a gnome fighter instead but again, not sure.

I have a number of npcs as well that I'd love to talk about, but that's DEFINITELY going in a different post.

Anyway feel free to ask for more info about any of these guys! Like I said I have a lot more to say XD

[not-poignant]

Re-reading Palmarosa (don't @ me about how many times I've re-read) and all the stuff that's come up in the last two chapters has been there for a long time!!! When did you know the heist was coming?

sakljfsaf I'm not going to @ you about how many times you've reread anon because rereaders make the world go round :D

And yeah, there's been hints for a long time! Honestly I knew pretty quickly that this was coming (there's also a few other things that are coming as well and a couple of those also have foreshadowing).

So I'd say I knew about Raphael going to Mephistar probably within about 2-3 days of starting to write this story, and actually before I finished my playthrough of Baldur's Gate 3. Raphael being the son of Mephistopheles is canon, and I quickly tried to see if that becomes like anything in the game beyond a reference (it doesn't) and after some research realised what a huge goldmine that was for plot ideas.

It's also canon that Raphael doesn't have a good relationship with his father, or has a more trauma-based relationship with his father, which makes sense, because Mephistopheles is a calculated sadistic asshat who believes that freezing people to death between glaciers over centuries is genuinely a good way to spend one's time.

I actually was a little frustrated with myself once I realised it was going to take more than 10 chapters to finally get to this point. Initially I was aiming for chapter 7-9, but I needed more established between Raphael and Astarion, and I needed Astarion to start getting a lot more curious about what's happening, because Astarion is basically a cat and if you pique his curiosity, he'll want to know stuff! Even when it's bad for him!

I kind of knew this fic would come across as 'just a PWP contract fic' but I really always wanted it to be very epic in scope, and a longer story similar to Stuck on the Puzzle or The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle. Something that starts with intimacy between two characters, and then folds out into a much broader world.

But I also wanted it to be a surprise for the people who weren't looking for it! A lot of folks who even have played and finished BG3 playthroughs never find out that Mephistopheles is Raphael's father, and if they do, they have no idea who he is even if they've played some DND (you really have to have played very specific campaigns, or played previous BG3 video games etc. to have any idea).

That's made the build up and the foreshadowing really fun to do, because people are coming in with wildly different DND knowledge (some - absolutely zero, don't even play the game, some - only the game, some - only DND but nothing to do with Ba'ator, some - DND and Ba'ator).

This is actually a huge reason why I say the story isn't canon compliant, because it literally can't be. There's too many moving parts and a lot of Forbidden Realms isn't even canon compliant with itself. And I love that, and that gives me room for movement. FR is about creativity within structure, and that structure can be what FR and Larian gives us, and even then we'd already be picking and choosing what works for us because those two things aren't fully lore compatible. There's a lot of good threads about how Larian was quite selective in how they built up their version of Faerun. And I love that.

But also, same. :D

Anyway, so the TL;DR is I knew juuuust about from the beginning! Not from the first few chapters, but I'd say definitely by the time I started chapter 2!

[limpfisted]

While I would prefer to make it so that wyll has more agency over his own narrative

I find it extremely interesting he just CANT make decisions by himself

Like to me, that's a character beat!

Like he can make a decision to sacrifice himself, and to hurt people he thinks "deserve" it, again and again, but by the end of the game, he no longer trusts himself to make that kind of decision

He was wrong about karlach. Who knows how many other "devils."

Given the choice between himself and his father. His father, who WILL most likely have a good after life, and in dnd u know like. After life's exist, and are much longer than human lifespans and wyll is fully cognizant of like. The fact his father won't really suffer when he dies, like wyll will for all of eternity

He doesn't trust himself. He thought he couldn't get out of his pact. He had given up on his freedom. He BELIEVED in his choice. And now... now he doesn't know what to believe. He knows you are his PROTECTOR and his light in the darkness, his light in the dysphoriq and the realization he has been more corrupted by this deal (not just physically. Again. How many more karlachs were there.) And he had learned THROUGH you just how bad his "learned helplessness" is while also mozora drives down the point that he IS trapped, he IS punished, and he still doesn't know what he'll do without her and it's like

Of course he can't fucking decide, man

Thats an impossible choice for HIM. If u look at everything u learn about him. This is the ultimate evil move on mizoras side because she LET you dangle freedom over wyll. His pact wasn't even completely broken. He still had six more months. And u know what? Before he met you, wyll might have just have gone on like this with mizora indefinitely. Never being able to tell people about mizora or his Father. How is he supposed to get close enough to someone, for them to show him what his freedom really means?

You MADE it an impossible choice. Befor3 this adventure he would have simply sold his soul again. No questions asked. Hes had just a taste of freedom, though. Just a taste of personhood. He has friends now. He has people he can genuinely trust who aren't MANIPULATING him or keeping him on a leash

He NEEDS you. He trusts you! You saved him.

He literally. He literally just can't make this decision alone and whatever you choose for him hell stand by

And that's great! That's a great flaw and arc!

If the game had taken this to its conclusion and had like. A scene like astarion at his grave where wyll just takes you aside and tells you. Thank you for choosing for me. Thank you for being MY light. I trust you. I dont know what I'm doing anymore. I'm scared and lost and this is all so overwhelming. All I have had for seven years is mizora. Before that all I had was my father. I dont know how to choose myself and not them. I still don't. But I know I was right to choose to be by your side.

This is a GREAT and IMPORTANT narrative about abuse, about trust, about "heroism."

But there's no... conclusion. The iron throne/steel foundry/wyrm/gortash is this big epic quest 2hich is basically a whole act in and of itself centered basically entirely around wylls life and wylls arc and wyll and his Father (also saving the world, but baldurs gate is WYLLS. No one else can become Duke but wyll.) But wyll doesn't really get the chance to react

Like broe? Honestly. If you just add a bunch of wyll reaction and maybe even something as simple as SOME MORE DIALOGUE TREES, doesn't even have to be like a whole cutscene!. This is a compelling narrative! By itself! You don't really need to change stuff! Wyll is an INTERESTING CHARACTER! Just add some stuff!!!

Me @ larian. If yall don't get theo Solomon back in that mo cap suit right now talking about his trauma as explicitly as astarion got to

He is NOT boring. He is just the greatest victim of the act 3 curse. Help

[ms-katonic-of-tamriel]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

SPOILERS BELOW: AoD, Wolf Queen, Prodigal Dragonborn, Unfated, And When The World Remembers

Age of the Dragon, even if it is a beast. Started out as a what if crossover, ended up being an epic adventure touching on colonialism, first contact, toxic organised religion, overcoming religious trauma, overcoming addiction, saving the world but at a cost, arriving in a new place and ending up overturning half their culture, how far are you willing to go to win, what salvation really looks like, redemption, freedom, and reuniting long-lost family. It gave me Cicero's Uncle and I love him very much. It gave Alistair his New Dog, and I love that very much too. XD

Wolf Queen Awakens - it just works. It just came together so easily, and I'm proud of it. The last scene still moves me to tears, it's like, yeah, Elisif, you did it. You saved the world. You won your throne. You avenged your husband. You got a new one. You're not a helpless figurehead any more and never will be again. And now you're Queen. You enjoy yourself, you earned this.

Prodigal Dragonborn - it is a fluffy romance between a lonely nerd who wasn't really expecting to find a partner, but was looking for an adventure and an amazing scientific discovery, and manages to come home with all three. I really liked writing Lucien. He's so sweet and lovable and definitely on the ace spectrum and probably autistic as well. Teasing out the backstory that Joseph Russell didn't put in and quite possibly didn't intend to be there was a lot of fun. "I'm the one using the library for its intended purpose and I'm the problem??" and "my amazing scientific discovery loves me back!" were the two most iconic lines, I think. Plus we also get Miraak with no memories looking for redemption and finding it in this scientist who will surely perish if not protected... and in the end, choosing love and forgiveness over wrath and retribution and realising his fate is not set in stone after all, and there doesn't have to be a divide between his real self and the part that loves Lucien. Also there's the cat. How can you not love Lucien's cat. That cat's practically a character in her own right. Lived in fear Joseph Russell would find out what I'd done with his boy and flip out when I started writing it, but by now I've largely realised I probably needn't have worried.

Unfated - crack turned serious. Silly Skyrim version of a silly DND webcomic, in which the Markarth Incident gets averted due to shenanigans but those shenanigans result in peace talks, an agreement, a wary truce between magic-phobic Stormcloaks fresh from a war that left them all traumatised and Reachfolk not sure how to treat the ones who were invading their country five minutes ago, and slowly the two cultures start merging as everyone involved starts to heal. And then the reaction comes, and consequences, and suddenly it all starts kicking off and then Teenage Cicero shows up. Soon followed by his now-Tranquil Uncle. It's got very intense, but I am enjoying picking this one up again. Also everyone's younger selves are proving a delight to write. Keirine newly First Matriarch and still unsure of herself. Madanach who never went to Cidhna Mine and has five young kids to look after. Farkas and Vilkas as teenagers. Uncle Cicero in his mid-forties. Custom follower Kaidan as a wee babby and his mum alive and I really love writing her too. Teeny tiny Leliana uprooted from Orlais and everything she's ever known. Delphine in her twenties and one Blade among many, serving alongside at least one who remembers what she was like before the war and will not put up with her crap. Elisif's parents! Tiny Vex of all people (people went nuts over Tiny Vex and she's only a bit character). MADANACH'S KIDS. Eola as a tiny baby who loves meat already and turned out to be the one to convince Ulfric to give in. And of course Ulfric Stormcloak, 29, war crimes averted, getting therapy, in a healthy relationship and healing. All the Stormcloaks, healing. Able to lay down their weapons, work with non-Nords and magic users at that, and live peacefully - mostly. It's an odd little universe but I love it.

And When the World Remembers - Dragon Age Inquisition, but the Herald of Andraste is stupidly OP and an ex-Dark Lord on the run, who falls face first out of Apocrypha and into his new cult and is absolutely delighted with his new Andrastian minions. And then he changes. Slowly he starts remembering how to be human again. Slowly he starts realising he actually likes these people. And then he meets this flamboyant necromancer from Tevinter who turns his life upside down before you can say 'future husband' and now there's two of them both trying to work through their issues and save the world and try to be good people while doing it. And then Miraak's past comes back to haunt him, and then Dragonborn Three arrives and he has not just a partner and an Inquisition... but siblings again. I fully intend to finish this one day, I swear it, but Unfated ran away with me.

Thank you so much for the ask! And now the tagging.

@rheilea @evil-is-relative @kookaburra1701 @expended-sleeper

And anyone else who has writing they want to tell their followers about. If you can't think of five, wax lyrical on what you do have.

[andiwriteordie]

👋👋👋 tell me your idea for the Merlin/Byler au? 👀👀👀👀👀

toy of COURSE i will tell you my idea for a merlin/byler au. i will like to say first though. because i need somebody to know and i'm being whiny. that i just slammed by finger into my door and it HURTS OH MY GOD.

anyways, first of all, i wrote this half asleep at 5 something in the morning, but this is what i imagined as the opener:

This is a tale of two young men, born to meet one another and to always be by each other’s side. Two sides of the same coin, some might call it. Destiny, others might say.

But destiny is a delicate thing, its strings woven loose yet tight, and the decisions one makes can often begin to unravel those threads, changing them into an entirely new tapestry all together.

This tale is an unusual one.

Because this tale is one that begins where it ends.

so the idea that i was thinking of was to start with how merlin ends, where like we meet will and mike at the end of their story together. will would be like merlin (Most Powerful Warlock™️) and mike would be like arthur (the noble king/knight destined to lead and guide), except destiny is unraveling at its seams. mike is dying, and will can't do anything to save him. even with all his power, he can't save mike's life, so will just holds mike as he dies.

will, like merlin, would be immortal in this, and he would get to hold onto the promise given by the dragon at the end that mike would return—that their destiny and their story together is not yet complete. when the world needs him again, mike is going to return, and until then, all will can do is wait for him. and so, will says goodbye to his best friend and the person he loves most (though the two of them never explicitly say it to one another, which is part of the tragedy), and he leaves the lake alone.

we flash forward, around 1,500 years later to the year 1970, and some way or another, will gets some sort of magical dream that lets him know that soon mike is going to come back, and that he has a choice: he can choose to essentially die and be reborn so he can mike grow up together, because destiny will always bring the two of them together, or he can continue to wait and just find mike again and

the choice gives will an out of sorts. a chance to start over, and though he initially thinks it would be best for mike if he just waits those years until mike is older and it's time for their destiny to kick into full gear, he's prompted by whatever magic-y figure is presenting him with this choice and he's encouraged to make a choice that is for him too. because will has been alone all this time and his heart is heavy, so being reborn would give him that chance to start over and to begin again. it's promised that when destiny does arrive and the time is right, will and mike will both learn of their shared past again (something we'll say with a mix of will's magic and just the general magic existing in the cosmos and stuff), so will agrees to this.

march 22, 1971. will byers is born. a little over 2 weeks later, on april 7, 1971, mike wheeler is born. destiny begins to weave its tapestry again.

the next scene, we see will around late 1983/early 1984 in the direct aftermath of his kidnapping into the upside down. his dreams consist of the trauma he experienced in the upside down of course, and though the memories themselves are foggy, he keeps coming back to his last few hours in the upside down, being intubated and nearly dying. and in foggy memories and moments interspersed between will's near death experience, he begins to dream of his and mike's past life together. these dreams only show fragments—will using his magic and protecting mike's life, mike as a brave knight and a king protecting will in return. it's easily shrugged off by will as him projecting. after all, they're a cleric and a paladin in dnd, right? so that makes sense.

(that doesn't change the terror though that will experiences when his dreams begin to show himself—several years older, weeping as mike dies in his arms. that grief feels paralyzing, and the dream keeps getting interrupted, flashing back and forth between the upside down and his old memories).

next scene, we pick up late 1985/early 1986 in lenora hills, california. will is trying to adjust. he still has nightmares, but they're less focused on the upside down now. the dreams of himself and mike in their past lives are clearer—amplified by the mind flayer's connection from 1984. but there's no way they could be memories, right? how would that even work? and will doesn't have magic. el has magic, not will. he's just will. so will keeps this part of his life quiet, not telling anyone.

one day though, we see a soft willel moment where el opens up to will about losing her own magic—how it feels like a part of her is missing. she's always been forced to use her magic in violent manners, and it scared her for a long time. but now that it is gone, there's a strange sense of warmth lacking. like an old friend is missing, and she just feels different. this prompts will to ask her what it's like... having magic, and so el does her best to explain it.

and it's familiar. there's a tingling in the back of will's next, and something inside him whispers, "this is familiar. you knew this already. you know this. you do."

he tries not to think about it too much.

next scene. november 6, 1986. the world is ending, will byers is living in mike wheeler's bedroom, and one night changes everything.

for the first time, the dream of mike's death comes back in full clarity, and will relives it again. the feeling of desperation and of loss and of love. watching the light fade from mike's eyes and seeing him take his final breath. the dragon's promise to him—that mike would return and that will's job was to simply wait and be ready for him when he arrives. saying goodbye to mike, watching his body disappear in a boat across the lake, further and further from will's view until—

will wakes up with a gasp. he can't see it, but his eyes are glowing a bright, familiar golden. the lights mike's bedroom all shine brighter than they ever have before, and then, they explode.

"shit!" will hears, because mike's awake too. he woke up barely a minute before will did, and he's kneeling down next to will, staring at him with shock in his eyes.

the two of them sit there in silence for moments that feel like an eternity, shattered glass surrounding them, and the moonlight streaming through the window. the memories are back, coming to will all at once. the floodgates have opened, and will remembers. he remembers.

and judging by the look on mike's face, he remembers too.

they move in perfect unison together, and they just embrace. because they both know. they both remember. and the two of them just sit there, and they cry together, because they're will byers and mike wheeler right now, but they've been will and mike for years and years and years before that. and they're together again, and the world is huge and overwhelming, but for just a moment, the only thing that matters is that they're together again.

second to last scene - the next morning. mike's room is now repaired, thanks to will's magic. they're sitting on mike's bed together, knees knocking against each other, shoulders pressed against one another. they have so, so much history together, and how do they even begin to try and fully understand all of it? plus, there are still so many things that will never got to tell mike, and mike, he's a bit hurt that will never shared those things in their first life, but he thinks he understands. he understands why will had to hide those parts from him. but he wishes will didn't have to.

will's eyes flicker to the painting he'd made for mike, now hanging on his wall. ironic, huh, that he would paint himself as a cleric, a wizard... and mike as the knight leading the charge. destiny must think it's funny. he's been carrying the weight of his lie with him since march of this year, and now, he sees how much the weight of his lies hurt mike when they were alive the first time. how he could've saved them both so much grief, and how maybe if he had opened up to mike and trusted him... things could've been different.

this situation... it's not quite the same, but the fear feels the same. it's the same for will, feeling like he has to hide a part of himself from mike, out of fear of rejection, out of a fear of losing mike, out of knowing society doesn't accept people like him.

but this is his second chance, right? how many people get a chance to make amends like this? and will is older now, and he's wiser too. he remembers the 1,500 years he was alone, and in just one night, he's changed. he's not quite the young, scared 15 year old that he was. he is, but he isn't. he's also someone who has lived and watched people die and who has waited and who knows how much he's always loved mike.

so, will chooses to be honest with mike. they talk about the magic first and the lies there, but it's a segue into the conversation about the painting. mike knows that it wasn't from el. but he thinks that will just lied to be a good friend. they fought about it, and in the end, they left it be—just a point of contention and tension in the same way the rain fight was.

will tells him everything—the true intention behind the painting. how he, will byers, has always admired mike wheeler and how mike's his best friend and how the feelings just developed into something more. but also how he, will, fell in love with mike... a long, long time ago. how he knew it, but also knew they'd never be able to be together. how he'd accepted that his place was simply at mike's side, protecting him and guiding him as best as he could. how he was content with that, but deep down also always dreamed of something more when they were alive together. how his years without mike only solidified the fact that will loves mike truly, deeply, fully, and how he plans to be here for mike, in whatever way that looks like and whatever way makes mike happy.

it gets quiet in the room. and mike looks a little stunned at first, still trying to take in all of will's words. patience, though, is something will has learned over his life, and he gently tells mike that he doesn't have to say anything right now. that mike can take the time to think about it too—

and mike cuts him off by kissing him.

it's short and desperate but also hesitant and a little fearful. mike pulls away, his eyes wide, and he looks young. they're both still young, even though they've had entire lives as adults (and then some more for will lol). and he quietly admits that he, mike wheeler, has been so confused recently. because he's been told his whole life that boys... aren't supposed to love other boys like that. that he shouldn't have these feelings for his best friend, so he's been hiding and running from this part of himself—the part that does have feelings for his best friend, will byers.

but also, that he, mike, the one who knew will long ago had fallen just as deeply in love with him while they were together. it was never an option to love will like this. mike always had his life planned out and written for him—the knight, the prince, the king. he had to have an heir. he had to rule their kingdom. he couldn't be with will.

but god, he could keep will close. maybe it was selfish to keep him so close while knowing he loved will as something more than they could ever be, but then again, mike thinks he's always been a little selfish. and he could swallow back that lump in his throat that formed every time will smiled at him or made a teasing joke or did anything really, because every moment with will made mike feel like he was falling more and more in love.

he almost told will, that day... when he died. he almost said that—instead of the "thank you" he gave will instead. but something stopped him. a feeling that... their story wasn't over yet. that a better time would come to share those words with will.

and so, mike looks will in the eye and in the softest, most gentle voice, he confesses his love for will.

the two of them kiss again. will's magic makes the lights glow again, and mike laughs, making some comment that this is going to take some getting used to. will points out that it's been a good 15 years since he's used his magic... so it's gonna take some getting used to for him as well.

it becomes clear to both of them that they were brought back together for a reason—and that reason has to do with the upside down and with henry. henry's powers, like el, are magic based, and so now, the playing field is leveled with will's magic. hell, the scales have tipped in their favor because of will's magic. this is their destiny. this is how they're going to save the world. and you see a moment of weariness from will, who recognizes this, and recognizes the burden they're sharing.

mike gently pulls him close, pressing a kiss to will's forehead, and he just tells will that they can figure all of this out later. destiny's waited this long, right? they can be selfish. they can just be together.

and so, the scene just ends with them sitting there, arms wrapped around each other, and sitting in peaceful silence. and nothing else matters other than the fact that they're together.

the final little part would be a section to mirror the opening part, talking about destiny. how these two were brought together and born to find each other. how destiny's tapestry is still being woven and how choices will impact that. and how the tale isn't over yet, but that there's hope in the ending of this story, because will and mike are together once more.

pHEW did i just outline this whole fic in your ask? yep. that's the merlin/byler au that i was thinking of this morning. i have some slight thoughts on how i could expand the world (making other characters line up/parallel other merlin characters and being reincarnated versions of their past lives), but idk i haven't given too much thought to that and probably wouldn't go as far as to write that! but this oneshot... yeah, definitely adding it to my list lol.

[thestarsarehaunted]

HI HI!! For the OC asks: 15, 21, B for Dee; 3, 27, H for Coral; and 28, 42, J free space (aka pick any character(s) you want!)

Ooh, questions!

Dee the living house (Monster of the Week):

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first? Dee has never thought ahead about anything in their life, with one exception; when it was invited to a certain support group to meet new friends it did rehearse how to introduce itself. They can be slow to speak, but it's because their age and nature lead them to think at a slower pace than humans. When they do speak, they say exactly what they are thinking in the most straightforward manner possible.

Why do they get up in the morning? It would be very easy for Dee to go dormant; not fully I suspect, but to exist as a slightly haunted house that only partially rouses itself on occasion. There's a longing in Dee, though, and that's what keeps it 'getting up'; a desire it can't identify but that keeps it close to those who treat it kindly, gets it excited for the idea of friendship even as it thinks of people as self-destructive parasites. It doesn't know what it wants, but it wants.

What inspired you to create them? A Tumblr post, actually. I knew I was intrigued by a ghost character but I was struggling to come up with a story that really clicked for me. Out of the blue I remembered this post, in particular the tag 'if a haunted house is a person what happens when the family chooses to treat its sharp jagged past with the respect and care it deserves'. I latched onto the idea of a haunted house being allowed to grow beyond the trauma that shaped it, and Dee developed from there.

Coral the predatory mermaid (Crossroads Carnival):

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?) Coral needs activity around her to sleep. She comes from a large community where there was always someone awake and active, so silence and stillness both reinforce her feelings of isolation and make her feel less safe. On nights when she isn't out with her monstrous crew she tries to be one of the first in the carnival to sleep, and if she is up later she's willing to sleep out in the open if she finds a spot where people are still up and making noise. As a last resort she'll sing herself to sleep; it's a pale comfort, but it's better than silence.

What causes them to feel dread? Coral doesn't let herself think about the future. She lost everything once - her family, the sea, even her language and name - and nothing will ever feel permanent to her again. She has rebuilt, found a way to be content if not truly happy, but there's always a looming sense that this too will be lost someday.

What trait do you admire most? Her ferocity. Lay a hand on her or her friends and you'll lose it (or at least a few fingers, as one particular asshole learned). She doesn't second guess, doesn't hesitate, doesn't fear.

Hmm, who else do I want to ramble about... Theo is my beloved eldritch-horror-to-be and Loki is one of my oldest OCs who's been with me since I was 14ish, so you get both.

Theo the sorcerous mutant (DnD):

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? Absolutely not. A lie, even a well-intended one, is a way to manipulate someone else and control their perception. Theo was (unintentionally) traded for power by their mother, and lived for a decade with a mysterious cosmic horror slowly warping their body and the certainty that when it was done it would come to claim them. She was born a pawn, and the feeling of utter powerlessness kept her living on the edge of a scream that wouldn't end. The only way to cope was by maintaining absolute control over as much of her life as possible, to an almost comical extent; she never forgave the stranger who saved her life without her permission. Even though they no longer live with the horror's influence, she will always fiercely resist any effort at all to influence her.

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? For a long time, Theo's ultimate goal was power. They were convinced that when the force behind their mutation was done reshaping them it would come to claim them personally, and she was absolutely determined that she would be strong enough to fight it. Not to defeat it and free herself, as she actively refused to believe that was possible, but to make it hurt. She believes everything has a price, and she intended to make it pay for her life in blood. With that singular goal in mind, there was very little they wouldn't do to make themself stronger. The only line they wouldn't cross is trading another person's freedom as was done to them. Against her expectations, however, her eldritch creator was destroyed in the end. She let go of her need for power and is currently living untethered by any goals.

Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character? I tried to keep them to a standard DnD build as much as possible, but there was definitely some tweaking and homebrewing needed to create Theo as I envisioned her. A reflavoured simic hybrid was a good starting point as they gain a couple of new mutations as they level up, but Theo mutated to a far greater extent; by the end she was a mass of tentacles with digitigrade legs, random patches of scales and insect-like shell, and bulging eyes that could pop out of the sockets to extend on stalks.

Loki the manic pixie dream child (from an original story):

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? Loki will claim to hate lies, but he lies to himself constantly. He was abducted and raised by pixies, who adored him and showered him with love; until he started to grow up and they got bored. They tried to switch him back for the changeling they'd left with his human family, but he refused to keep his past secret. His parents were horrified; from their perspective, he was the strange fey creature replacing their 'real' child, and they wanted nothing to do with him. Twice abandoned and left alone in an unfamiliar world, he coped by rewriting his own memory. He convinced himself that he was just lost, and his pixie family were out there looking for him. He has since relied on this single coping mechanism for everything he doesn't want to face, wrapping himself in layers of denial to shield himself from any pain.

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? Loki's driving goal is to be loved by someone who won't leave. Despite his denial, some part of him is aware of why he was abandoned, and so he has built his entire identity around being the most unique and interesting person around. He might be strange, aggravating, even infuriating, but he must never ever be boring. Nothing could matter more than that.

Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character? Loki was one of the first characters I created for that story so there wasn't much canon in place yet, but he shaped its development through the introduction of pixies; up to that point I had focused on werewolves, vampires, and other supernaturals with ties to humanity.

[qwerty-the-duck]

Last set for for OC-tober 2022! Thanks to @oc-tober2022​ for the prompt list! Under the cut is a brief explanation of each picture and how they related to the prompts.  (Just like week one, which can be found here!)

Day 22: Grace (Minimal) for Memory. Grace is a rare Witch in her story that has the skills to manipulate and store memories. She often does this to patients in her care she feels may need to be stripped of their traumas until they are rehabilitated enough to be able to handle them. She never peeks on the patients memories, but sometimes take a moment to look back at her own.

Day 23: Vessithyr (DND NPC) for Bound. A dnd NPC and Coven Master for one sect of Vampires in my DND setting. Being the creator of several different vampires, they are bound to her and her will whether through devotion, debt, or sheer controlling power.

Day 24: Kori no Yousei [”The Ice Fairy”] Aka Kory (Fireball and Chain) for Victory and Forgotten. In Fireball and Chain, when a Legend is removed from the care of their Anchor, their Ego is destroyed, causing all memories of that time to be either sealed or destroyed (depending on circumstance). Kory, wanting to learn to grow on her own, chooses to leave her Anchor.

Day 25: Vada (DND Character) for Weakness. This character’s biggest weakness, at least when I was making him, is like his “dissociation” from circumstance and feeling, almost like “If Ignore the problem, its not there” to an extreme degree. This includes both his emotions and feelings, as well as his physical relationship with pain and spatial coordination.

Day 26: Buckets (DnD Character) for Temptation. Though I didn’t play him long, Buckets quickly developed a soft spot for sweets and I was a little burnt out from life and stuff as I was doing this one in the last so I just went pretty straight forward from there haha.

Day 27: Fencer (Fireball and Change) for Strange. Fencer has a fondness for fashion and in particular loves food inspired or food themed clothes, and his entire wardrobe is handmade. So got a random food generator and designed and outfit based off the food rolled (egg). His outfits, combined with his more aloof yet cowardly attitude get him labeled as “quite strange” around school. Day 28: Ric (Long Story Short) for Disease.

Ric was born without a mutation Gene, and, In LSS, those without a mutation Gene are bound to waste away into what we would considered Pop Culture zombies, basically. In an attempt to prevent that, his father did many different types of experiments to keep him from “dying” from “Hyper-radiation Poisoning,” but that doesn’t mean Ric avoided the symptoms of it, which persents itself as a progressive deteriorative disease.

Day 29: Bee (Long Story Short) for Change.

Bee has quite a “happening” backstory to say the least, and though he attempt to remain as bright and hopeful as he was as a child, both his appearance and his personality have been twisted and hammered into almost an entirely different person. Day 30: Prince Amarai (DnD NPC) for FREE CHOICE! I chose to challenge myself for day 20 and made myself draw a fursona for a character of mine. I’m not practices, at all, in drawing furry-anything so not only figuring out the proportions and anatomy, and then also the designs and the colors was fun but a bit frustrated. I ultimately don’t hate the end result haha.

Day 31 FINALE!: Fireball and Change Miscellaneous Characters. I know there wasn’t a prompt for the last day but I decided to just draw over some fun memes/images I had been kinda saving for just an occasion. I loved recoloring the maid outfits and censoring the cigarettes as candy for the kiddos. This month flew by and I loved this challenge so much! 

[emeraldtintedsword]

DISMEMBERED SWORDMAIDEN!!!!1!1!!11 my beloved

ink to digital.

oh? hark? also a cool dnd blog post!!!

ever wanted to watch your failprincess dnd characters get their body parts smashed to pieces and lopped off? wouldnt that be crazy???? HARDCORE??? idk, i think itd be kinda hot. they could all trauma bond while bleeding out. yippie!

(compatible with anything that has HP if youre brave enough)

DEAD AND DYING When you’re out of Heart Points (HP), you are GUARDBROKEN. Immediately gain a Nasty Scar. Stay standing.

Every time you take damage, roll the damage against the following instead of your HP.

1-2 Nasty Scar. Coin flip, on heads its wicked cool, on tails its horrifying 3-5 Ruined. Until it is treated, become Deprived and can’t use the ruined body part. If a ruined body part is wounded again, it gets Hacked Off.  6+ Hacked Off. If it was your stomach or head then you’re dead. Otherwise, taken out of the fight, die if not rescued afterwards. For a week, Deprived if the wound isn’t treated daily.

Also, d6 for location. 1. R leg 2. L leg 3. R arm 4. L arm 5. head 6. stomach

Stomach wounds mean your endurance sucks, head wounds mean your awareness and initiative suck.  Deprived characters can’t regain HP through mundane means while resting.  Wounds turn into Nasty Scars once they are treated.

When Non-Player Creatures are GUARDBROKEN, they are at the whims of the players, their sword sent skittering, their morale crippled. Describe what you do to them (run them through, slice their arms off, tie them up, etc). Grand beings may choose to battle on or flee at 0HP, taking wounds like a player.

:3

GO HERE! if you want to see more stuff. contains some equipment and optional rules that flesh it out more, plus some thoughts on why the hell youd want to do this in the first place. if you think im normal and hinged you should totally click it

vaulting skies and emerald swords - Simple Skullcracking

[firstcurse]

Vecna's curse headcanons / symbolism

I  have  the  need  to  make  this  post  because  supreme  lack  of  narrative  awareness  and  Simply  Not  Getting  It  are  among  the  many,  many  issues  with  the  ST  fandom,  but  I  do  feel  like  its  probably  important  to  mention  it  here  and  I  did  eventually  intend  to  repost  my  post  about  Vecna's  curse  to  Henry's  own  blog  and  have  been  meaning  to  do  that  for  well  over  a  week  now,  lmao.  Right  now,  though,  this  post  will  have  to  do  because  I'm  low  on  spoons.  

Vecna's  curse,  like  most  things  surrounding  Vecna  /  Henry  in  the  fandom,  is  the  subject  of a  pretty  huge  misconception  so,  yeah,  I  have  to  explain  it  here  too.  The  idea  the  fandom  has  is  that  Vecna  targets  people  who  have  trauma  because  he's  evil  and  they're  easy  victims  and  he  enjoys  torturing  them,  along  with  the  fact  he  chooses  "children"  because  again,  easy  victims  and  he's  also  a  [redacted].  

Don't  start  me  on  the  explicit  homophobia  and  chronically  online  thinking  it  took  for  the  fandom  to  reach  that  conclusion.   But  the  thing  is  Vecna  actually  targets  neither  children nor  does  he  target  trauma  survivors  necessarily.  The  "special  thing"  about  Vecna's  curse  is  that  its  literally  a  blatant  analogy  for  depression  and  suicide.  

The  canon  is  so  heavy  handed  in  this  but  for  some  reason  the  fandom  still  fails  to  get  it  98%  of  the  time.  The  feature  of  Vecna's  curse  and  the  common  denominator  among  the  victims  is  that  the  victim  is  carrying  a  "dark  secret"  that  is  taking  a  severe  toll  on  them  mentally  and  emotionally  and  quite  literally  ending  their  lives  due  to  the  shame  and  guilt  surrounding  this  particular  secret.

A  big  chunk  of  inspo  here  comes  from DnD,  where  Vecna  is  renowned  as  the  master  of  dark  secrets.  He's  a  keeper  of  knowledge.  Which  I've  mentioned  before,  is  another  reason  a  lot  of  this  fandoms  theories  about  how  Vecna's  going  to  do  xyz  in  season  5  are  completely  wrong  and  are  based  on  a  fundamental  misunderstanding  because  Vecna's  curse  is  not  and  has  never  been  about  Vecna  exposing  a  victims  "dark  secrets"  to  anyone  in  the  cast.  We  as  the  audience  are  only  privy  to  them  because  obviously  its  relevant  for  us  to  see  to  understand  the  plot,  but,  yeah,  ultimately  Vecna  doesn't  expose  anything  about  his  victims  outwardly  where  others  would  see  it.  

(  With  the  exception  kind  of  being  Max,  who  naturally  began  to  seek  help  for  her  struggle  and  once  again,  the  depression  /  suicide  analogy  is  very  explicit  here,  but  it  wasn't  Vecna  who  pushed  Max  to  get  this  help  or  made  her  feel  she  had  to  look  for  help.  Vecna's  shtick  is  very  much  the  opposite.  Vecna's  shtick  is  "come  with  me  and  it  will  all  be  over." There  is  no  intention  in  Vecna's  curse  for  the  victim's  secrets  to  be  exposed  to  the  surrounding  cast  in  any  way.  )  

Anyway,  specifically  Vecna's  curse  afflicts  Chrissy  because  of  her  eating  disorder  +  her  mothers  abuse.  It  afflicts  Fred  because  of  his  survivors  guilt.  Max  because  of  her  feelings  surrounding  Billy's  death,  and  Patrick  because  of  his  alcoholism  +  his  fathers  abuse.  These  are  all  "dark  secrets"  that  were  destroying  their  owners.   But  it  doesn't  end  there.  We're  shown  a  brief  moment  of  Vecna's  curse  manifesting  itself  -  essentially  we're  shown  Vecna  "choosing  a  victim".  In  this  scene  we're  shown  a  few  people  in  Hawkins  who  have  some  type  of  secret,  but  ultimately  the  curse  lands  upon  Patrick.  Why ?  

The  answer  lies  in  one  of  the  most  extremely  overlooked  scenes  in  the  entire  season,  yet  one  of  the  most  important  ones  we  saw.  Vecna  is  shown  to  have  precognition.  He  can  see  and  show  others  the  future.  This  makes  the  analogy  of  Venca's  curse  as  a  suicide  thing  even  more  potent  and  literal  because  it  heavily  indicates  the  particular  victims  of  Vecna's  curse  were  not  just  depressed  and  having  suicidal  thoughts,  they  were  actually  actively  headed  toward  committing  suicide  in  the  future.  This  is  what  ultimately  "marked"  them  as  sacrifices  to  open  the  gate.  

So  yeah.  Vecna's  curse  is  not  necessarily  about  trauma  nor  is  it  actually  about  exposing  or  exaggerating  anything  traumatic  the  Victim  has  suffered.  That  being  said,  there  is  a  lot  of  supernatural  repetition  in  Vecna  and  his  curse,  and  things  he  was  a  victim  of  and  suffered  in  his  human  life  sometimes  reflect  because  of  this  and  given  he  was  a  victim  of  serve  abuse,  trauma,  guilt  and  shame,  yes,  often  the  victims  have  trauma  and  are  heavily  relatable  to  Vecna  himself  and  Vecna's  own  personal  experience.  Which  is  a  factor,  I  believe,  in  why  Vecna  often  tries  to  soothe  and  reassure  his  victims  in  their  final  moments.  

And  tbh,  I've  mentioned  this  before  in  more  in  depth  headcanons  about  Henry  /  Vecna  and  the  themes  /  motifs  surrounding  him,  but  Vecna  heavily  mirrors  a  destroying  angel,  a  grim  reaper,  ultimately  an  angel  of  death.  I've  repeatedly  related  him  to  figures  like  Azrael  and  Samael  and  will  continue  to  do  so  because  I'm  Absolutely  Correct,  and  that's  very  much  his  entire  aesthetic  and  I  think  its  crazy  how  people  in  this  fandom  insist  on  talking  about things like  IT/Pennywise  and  sometimes  Freddy  Kruger  and  their  ( painfully  wrong )  ideas  of  how  they  relate  to  Vecna  as  a  character  but absolutely  no  one  wants  to  acknowledge  for  factor  in  Vecna's  own  namesake  from  DnD  OR  the  main  inspiration  behind  him  otherwise  which  is  Pinhead  from  Hellraiser.  Its been blowing my mind since September.

[pretty-sweet-plums]

I'm playing BG3 for the first time and I am so full of regrets

So its my first time ever playing something like Baldurs Gate. My friend gave it to me because we planned to play DnD in the future and it would be sort of like an intro class to me. Well, I am happy to say I am enjoying so much, we have an inside joke that it is ruining my life. Glad I'm currently unemployed so I can play it on hours for end (blessing in disguise????? Haha)

Anyway like I said its all a first time for me. And I DIDNT KNOW YOU CAN ROMANCE PEOPLE UNTIL LAEZEL JUST CAME AT ME, a mostly conservative, easily shy, filled with religious trauma bisexual woman who blushes at anything remotely sexual irl, AND I PANICKED.

I didn't know about approval ratings, I just thought I was choosing the right options and that was just a thing so they could give you a perk if its high. I was too focused on not dying every single combat that I MISSED MY SHOT WITH KARLACH.

I was in Act 2 by the time I was like, wait, I can romance other people when Wyll made the moves on me too???!?!?! (Then I realized Halsin was also tryna flirt with me at the party i think and I did not say yes to Wyll because I said yes to Laezel. I basically blushed and squealed and covered my eyes for most of it with my friend laughing beside me because Laezel was oh so forward. But also because I thought, I could break up with Lazel and be with Karlach when the time comes.) I was working so hard on getting Karlach's approval but by the time I spoke with Dammon (I DIDN'T USE ANIMAL SPEAK ON HIM ON ACT 1 HUHUHU) on act 2 and got her the infernal engine duct tape, my approval wasn't really high enough. And i didn't realize that I missed the romance option for Karlach in Act 1's party (when I finally googled it like, ten minutes ago), i did say I liked her but my approval wasn't enough and she brushed me off. Anyway I'm currently 97 hours in, first playthrough, and I was like, WHY CAN'T I ROMANCE KARLACH YET, I already broke up with Laezel and I kinda missed out on all the lines on Gale by accident when I thought, hey how come I can't romance Karlach yet? And then I checked on my approval and was like wtf this should be okay now??? Everytime she calls me soldier, my soul dies a little bit so like, why can't i be with her yet???

(My friend has started making fun of me saying I'm treating BG3 like an otome game with some battle mechanics and like, hell yeah man, I really wanna be more than friends with Karlach)

And so I decided to finally google, and now my soul has left my body because I've missed everything. I was even thinking of romancing Gale to like, ease the pain while waiting on Karlach to like me but ultimately my choices were doo doo for him but I was like, no biggie, we want Karlach anyway. Its fiiiiine.

But nope. Everything is not fine according to my research. I have to erase maybe 70 hours of gameplay or try to cheat my way in (if I could ever understand the instructions) and be willing to gamble with my saves.

And now I'm just really very sad. I did not try to romance Astarion or Shadowheart or Halsin because my playstyle didn't really require me to bring them and I wasn't really interested in them.

So now I'm stuck at the end of Act 2, loveless and full of regrets.

When I try to see if I can get back together with Laezel because even if she was way too forward, she was good to me, I can't do that because my approval is too high with her. Apparently I have to make her mad at me and then build it back up?

Sigh. Idk, I just wanted to vent out the sadness.

[cinnamonrollwizard]

my dm: hey wanna do a in character out of game rp with your mentor you just saved from a dragon?

me ready to drop all my characters trauma right on her shoulders: yes pls :)

[fairytaleliving]

Vtuber! Yuu

Hello after I thought of Vtuber Yuu more ideas popped into my head so use whatever you’d like lkdfhsd

okay for those who don’t know, vtubers have lore that goes along with their avatars (vox akuma being a demon, iron mouse being literal satan, etc)

and knowing twisted wonderland, there’s so much lore fodder that could be added

and since twst wouldn’t be a game, yuu would have so much material to use

nobody can even call them out on their shit bc the only person who knows abt twisted wonderland is yuu themself so they have all the creative liberties

i know that i joked that yuu would use malleus as an avatar, but let’s be honest all of them are prime vtuber ideas

mysterious king of the faes, malleus draconia? 

sunshine and friendly, kalim al-asim? 

mischievious and tricky, ruggie bucchi?

 unpredicable eel merman, floyd leech?

 shy otaku fire boy, idia shroud? 

pretty but short tempered, epel felmier? 

rational yet playful, trey clover?

lets be honest you simps the characters are one of the reasons you play this god damn game

everyoner has a type and there are 22 characters to choose from as a favorite like come on

prime claps fucking claps vtuber claps lore

Vtuber Artist: omg you’re so detailed and this design looks so realistic

Yuu, sending a candid photo they took with one of their friends:i have a very big imagination :D

if anything ppl would just think yuu was just a big disney fan lmao

like yuu talks disney and vaguely talks abt how similar it is with twisted wonderland and lets pretend theres no possibility of yuu getting sued by disney

OH MY GOD YUU WOULD HAVE THEIR OWN GRIM WITH THEIR “DESIGN”

grim doesnt say anything he just vibes on yuu’s shoulder or head

yuu wouldn’t have any personal info told by the students bc they’re not an asshole and made a promise but that wouldn’t stop them from mixing truth and fiction

like not the trauma or the reasons for the overblots

but cmon lets be honest theres so much clownery and personality each person has is a gold mine

yuu’s lore video would just be nrc shenanigans mixed with what yuu themself has experienced at twst

like seriously you’ve seen those out of context tweets, explaining shit abt twst wonderland to someone who doesnt know anything would be a wild ride

the fact yuu gets isekaied into a magical college and appears in a coffin of all things is crazy in it of itself

he could also be like fulgur ovid and pretend hes just using an old dnd character as an avatar

and since yuu is just friends with everyone, they probably have everyone’s personality down to a T

yuu is the campus therapist they kinda have to know whether they like it or not

tell me yuu would’ve exaggerate ace’s personality bc they’re petty

yuu name drops each person and twisted wonderland itself but nobody believes them bc they all think its a part of the lore

Viewer tweeting:wow twisted wonderland has such a cool atmosphere and they seem like they actually lived through this

Yuu, having flashbacks of whatever the fuck they did at nrc:...bestie you have no fucking idea-

yuu is friends with ace so they definitely have good voice impressions under their belt as well

yuu creates a crowley hate club amongst their fans bc of how much they complain and they have no regrets about it

no matter what dimension, yuu will always rant abt how much abt how much of an asshole he is

yuu describes Night Raven College and the dorms and ppl designate each other to each dorm

Viewer A: I think I would fit in with Octavinelle! Azul and the tweels look like they would be so much fun to hang out with

Viewer B: Pomefiere sounds so regal and I would love to have a beauty lesson from VIl!

Yuu, remembering the time Floyd threatened another student and Vil scold Epel for the nth time abt his manners:...well you see-

someone has probably made fanart abt nrc thats eerily close to how the boys looks like and the dorms that yuu has to take a minute to contemplate everything

if the other twst boys find out it would be so entertaining

yuu wouldn’t hide the fact, but they wouldn’t admit to it either

yuu would be probably be giving them a tour of the real world when someone walks up to and says that theyre a dedicated cosplayer and yuu has to drag everyone away and explain lmao

idia probably watches vtubers so he would think the idea was cool

he would probably pass out bc of how popular his character would be if yuu decides to use him as a avatar

he would probably stream with yuu with the slight stress of trying not to refer to yuu as yuu and as a student he probably hasn’t interacted with-

azul would be impressed by the grind, especially if yuu gets paid for it

malleus would be confused yet flattered?????

vil would love or hate it depending on how well the artist drew his likeliness but wouldnt dm the artist abt it bc hes not an asshole bc you should respect artists for their works you fucking fools

the man doesnt understand technology but hey ppl like him and loves that yuu thought he was memorable enough to make a character for him to play

lilia probably thinks its fucking hilarious

like of course yuu would be the only person to do this type of shit

he would probably even encourage yuu to start their own vtuber streaming in twisted wonderland

but with a new avatar bc these are real ppl with reputations to use-

cater is proud and wants to know the secrets on how yuu became popular

would’ve considered making his own if he wanted to

all in all they’d either be: confused, concerned, impressed, amused, embarrassed, or all of the above

yuu would probably get more self conscious if the others end up watching lmao

ok im done back to watching vox recite the entire of fnaf lore