#its only been like 10 hours and im still shocked

[arachnoia]

gone ➶ . ˚ ༉‧₊˚ˑ༄ؘ | miguel o’hara

miguel o'hara x fem! reader

a/n: i think that atp, im just a miguel o’hara writer (not that im complaining but gimmie requests pls !! theyre open on my acc !!) this is also a drabble ive been wanting to write because i’ve always wanted to write angst (well tbh idk what this is?) but wasn’t sure how to? lowkey i want this to be a story that isn’t just a one shot but lmk if you guys want more of this? im just trying stuff out!

pt2 - ‘holy shock’ pt 3- ‘finally’

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Breathe in, breathe out...”

The beautiful city stunned you as you stood on top of a random building, breathing in its modern, refreshing look.

It kind of took your breath away, contradictory to what you just told yourself a few seconds ago.

You barely finished another mission as your universe’s one and only Spider-Silk. Was it tiring? Hell yes, no doubt. But you never took a moment to actually admire Earth-928’s Nueva York, where Spider Society headquarters was located. Nueva York was also the place where you were if it wasn’t fighting crime and going to grad school in your own universe’s New York.

You usually swing to the top of a business building, a little bit far from Spider Society headquarters. It was quiet and peaceful. It was your thinking place where you could release any emotions you wanted to spill when you couldn’t anywhere else since you can’t really spill your emotions if you were to be taken seriously.

Plus, the one person who you expressed your deepest emotions, is gone.

As you simply stared into space while remembering the feeling you felt this morning.

You noticed some tears gathering at the outside corners of your eyes. Your eyelids began to droop, and you began to sob quietly as your chest hurt from, what some call “heartbreak”.

To be completely honest though, it was just melancholy and depression from what happened hours prior.

You couldn’t say that the emotion you felt for him or what you feel is loving him because it wasn’t love.

It felt like something stronger. But you knew it wasn’t reciprocated back.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“So why don’t you just kick your professor’s ass?” Miguel joked. His laugh made you feel warm inside. It was a cute laugh in your opinion.

The two of you were sitting down, at the building you like to think at, munching on sweet, baked, fig empanadas from a lady's restaurant in your universe. Doña Rosa? She was a nice lady and safe to say, Miguel would definitely come back for the empanadas.

“Please, O’Hara. I’d get simply kicked out and would have to never show my face ever again…But the bastard deserves it for ripping apart my paper on exploring different dimensions with colliders!”

He chuckled. “Right, because you have experience. Do you not? Y/l/n?”

“EXACTLY. BUT NOT EVEN GRAMMARLY HELPED ME NOT GO THROUGH HIS REIGN OF TERROR!” You felt pissed, but Miguel found it absolutely hilarious to see you worked up as you angrily took a bite out of your empanada. It was cute.

“Swear to god, that bitch is scarier than most of the stupid anomalies we fight,” You pouted and glanced at him. He looked like he was trying to not start laughing even harder than he was before. “Y/l/n. Just calm down it doesn’t matter. Plus didn’t you mention it was like 10% of your grade? You’ll be fine it’s not that bad.”

You smirked at him. “Oh, so you’re trying to say it’s still bad?”

“No…but look at me.” You turned to his direction as he placed his empanada on a napkin next to the rest of the lot and he rested his hands on your shoulders.

“Breathe in. Breathe out.” You chuckled at his direction.

“Miguel, you sound like a yoga instructor."

“No no, I’m being serious here! No dejas que esa mierda te moleste, okay?”

You raised your eyebrow and smiled playfully. “Alright, like you’re the calmest person on this Earth,” He laughed. “I’m not but you’re not like me. I don’t want that to affect you, especially because it doesn’t matter.”

“Now. Breathe in…”

You softly smiled at him, to which he returned, “And breathe out.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“It's pleasant, isn't it?” Peter replied as he began to go in your direction, breaking up your train of thought. He and Mayday gave you a sad look as they walked over to hug your shaky form.

“How-?”

“Y/n, I saw you swinging here after barely teleporting here. What’s wrong?”

You didn’t know what to say. You felt a metaphoric weight on your shoulders as you struggled to tell Peter.

“Was it perhaps…Miguel?” You felt like laughing. Here you were, crying while Peter was acting full-on dad and Mayday was playing with her Spider-Man beanie. It would be a very unusual sight to someone who was just viewing you three at a distance.

“I’m just going to take that as a yes,” Peter said as he sat down on the roof and patted to the space next to him. “Take a seat, Y/l/n.”

You followed his directions and sat down.

It was quiet and a bit windy. It gave you a sad memory and you felt like you were drowning in it.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You felt a rush of anxiety and couldn’t breathe.

“I CAN’T. I CAN’T DO IT, O’HARA," you screeched, scratching Miguel's arm in excruciating pain.

“YES YOU CAN, Y/L/N!! CALM DOWN!”

The two of you were in a mission to stop an anomaly. You were one of the first to start attacking…and one of the first to be badly injured. Your right thigh was impaled with several medium sized pieces of glass from being thrown to a glass building and you ran out of webs to shoot. You froze and wanted to cry, feeling vulnerable.

Miguel went over to try to help you as the other Spiders went to attack said anomaly. You knew each other as friends since you were one of the first Spiders ever to be recruited to the Spider Society so you knew each other pretty well. When he saw you injured, he quickly saved some civilians and rushed to your direction.

“Yes, you can Y/l/n. Look at me. Breathe in.” Your eyes widened as you saw him grab the largest piece of glass. He had 2 pieces of cloth with him. “No, stop looking at them and look at me. Breathe in, goddamn it.”

You stared at him and he gave you a piece to bite down. You tried to calm down as he took the piece out and screamed into the cloth. “I’m going to wrap it up, okay?” He said, earning a nod from you. “Good girl. Now breathe in…”

“…Breathe out.” You said.

“That’s my girl,” He said as he smiled at you and carried you with the rest of the civilians.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Breathe in, breathe out,” You whispered. Saying that phrase now just made your tongue feel bitter. Like eating a sour candy except it doesn’t turn out sweet at the end, but just making you frown.

Peter smiled and turned to you, “Now tell me what happened, kid. People don’t just run away before saying hi to their favorite person, therefore being me? !”

You scoffed, “Peter, no offense but why does it matter to you? You should be focusing on other things other than my well-being.”

Peter raised his eyebrow and rolled his eyes. “Listen, kid. You and the other Spiders like Gwen or Miles, matter to me.”

He covered Mayday’s ears. “Shit, even Miguel. If I see you mopey and sad and what not, of course, I’m going to be worried!”

“Really?” You were shocked. No one really has given you that fatherly attention like Peter has.

The only one who would really listen to you, was Miguel. But you can’t really rely on him now, can you?

“Yup. Now tell me what’s going on? Is everything okay?” Your breath hitched and you froze.

You then took a deep breath, sighed, and smiled bitterly.

“Miguel, he told me he wants me gone from his life,” you said as you felt a sudden pang in your chest.

Just feeling those words leave your lips made the melancholy come back even stronger.

And it hurt like fucking hell.

[kindredcandy]

bloody cabin | AZRIEL X READER

A/N: why is it that every time i write fanfic its like sneezing... i have no idea whats gonna come out and im shocked by the experience GIRL IM THE ONE WRITING ITFDSJH yeah so this is messy im sorry but its kinda cute ig? shes chonky, i meant for the prompt requests to be short little headcanony things but... again i was not in control of my body lmao

ALSO this is quite adult content pls heed the warnings. I'd love to expand more into writing whumpy, gory adult stuff

request: “Azriel X reader, 8 and 10 please!!”

8.Patching up wounds, 10.Washing one's hair/helping them bathe after a long day.

WORD COUNT: 6K

warnings: uh i would probably call this 18+. Detailed description of injuries and violence. Trauma, PTSD, burns, fire, scars, anxiety, nudity, undressing, mentions of sex. bathing, fixing up, dealing with trauma, mission gone wrong.

You knew something was wrong before you actually found out. Something in your gut just wasn't right, a unnerving sense that fired the adrenaline in your body with no way to burn it off but to pace the cabin. Azriel should've been back by now. That was the agreement. You would meet at the tiny, unoccupied inbetween house, him and Cassian coming from another side of the mission miles away.

You peered out the window for what must've been the fiftieth time. The weather was biting, cold enough to chill the window panes and make it fog when you pressed a finger to it, but not enough that it should've presented a problem in their journey. Darkness had already fallen, the cover of night beginning to blanket the barren trees surrounding the cabin. The window provided answers to nothing, so you turned and made your way back to the small, crackling fire you managed. You grabbed the iron poke and stabbed at the logs, shifting them as tiny embers flared and sparked outwards. 

You didn't know what would happen if something had befallen the two Illyrians. Partially because they were your ride home, and their part of the plan was crucial, but mostly because the very thought of your family being hurt made everything twist and ache within you. Especially the thought of Azriel— the spymaster who had claimed your heart. The male had been through so much already, you knew he was capable of enduring a lot but it didn't lessen the ache any. You needed to know he was okay before you ripped your hair out from the anxiety of waiting.

It was quiet in the cabin. Silent aside from the wind hitting against the walls, the crackling fire, and the occasional sound of fabric against fabric every time you shifted. It was so quiet. You had been paying the closest attention to every noise for the past several hours— on edge expecting an familiar face to turn up, or preparing yourself if something less friendly decided to show its face.

But even with the silence in the cabin, you didn't hear the footsteps outside. Only aware of a new presence when the cabin door burst open, creaking loudly and sending you shooting across the worn sofa with a hand clutched to your chest. You whirled the second the door opened, but it still took you several moments to compose yourself and process that the dark towering frame in the doorway was Azriel. You nearly gasp out of relief, but your brows draw together when he walks in. Something was wrong. The way he was walking, the way he was carrying himself, his wings... Something was wrong.

"Az," it sounded like a plea.

You rush up from the couch to where he's moved to the round dining table. The door is still open and wind blustering in when he sags against the table, weak and out of breath. In the warm, dim light of the fire and lanterns around the cabin, there's blood clearly smattered across Azriel. His face is smeared, his hair caked with it, his armor glistening and his wings dripping.

You grasp the door, preparing to shut it but waiting for the second Illyrian to appear. You didn't try to hide the concern in your voice. "Where's Cassian?"

"He's fine." Azriel rasped out like it was an effort, but one worth pushing through. He swallows and it almost seems like he's panting, the way he's so out of breath. "The orders changed, he's staying somewhere else."

With that, you shut the door, closing off the bitter winds that had poured into your solstice. That concern you felt at the possibility of Azriel being hurt was magnified ten fold at seeing it in front of you. You didn't even know what to do. It was so unlike him to be this weakened that your mind drew up blank. He'd been hurt before. Badly. But every time there'd been someone else there to help him or he'd been well enough to fix himself. This... You didn't know how to deal with this.

"What happened?" You whispered, closing in on his space. The coppery scent of blood flooded your nostrils as you moved closer and you ignored the way it made your throat tighten. Your hand hovered in his proximity, not sure where to go or what to do.

Azriel looked up at you, hazel eyes dulled with a weariness you hadn't seen him wear... Ever.

He swallowed hard and his eyelids shuttered, breaking contact with you in favor for an unfocused stare across the room. "It was bad. It went worse than we expected and they..."

You were waiting for him to finish the sentence, but something about it told you that he did. That was all he would share of it. Whatever had happened was enough to rattle him and close him off. He wasn't right and you needed to do something.

"Okay," You kept your voice soft. You look around, collecting a mental list of things you need to do, and things to help Azriel. You didn't even know how badly injured he was. "Sit down."

He moves to the couch wordlessly, though the way he limbers, careful and stiff, it was easy to tell there were several injuries for you to worry about. You grabbed him a glass of water from the poor, makeshift kitchen that was part of the main room, and once he was fixed with that, you filled a large pot of water and set it over the fire to heat.

The old feeble couch squeaked when you sat down on it beside Azriel. Your eyes met his for a long second. A weighted second of everything and nothing passing between you two. You two were in the beginning stages of you relationship... Or whatever it was. A fact that shouldn’t have made anything different, but for some reason it did. The nerves you still had around him, the way you might not have been so invested and concerned if you didn’t love him the way you did.

"Where are you hurt?" It takes an absurd amount of willpower to give you the push of confidence to lean forward and begin undoing the straps of his leathers and armors.

Azriel looks down at your hands, his own scarred one still holding the half glass of water. He watches as you unsteadily work the clasps. "I took a hit..." His voice is hoarse and gravely and you try not to think that it's likely from screaming. "I think I cracked a few ribs"

You pause and sigh through your nostrils in displeasure. Not at him, but at the fact that he'd been hurt. He was so distant, so clinical and absent. You’ve been working at undoing his holsters and straps for a few minutes, setting them on the short wooden coffee table in front of you, before you give his face another scan, searching it. Azriel’s eyes are glazed and distant, fixed on the crackling fire in front of him, unmoving aside from the slight rise and fall of his breaths. You’d seen him get that look before around fire and it made your insides twist to think why. It made them twist to see him in this state, so raw and hurt.

You pause your work on removing his armor and weapons to bring a hand up to cup his cheek, a gentle comfort. “We’re gonna get you fixed up.” You push back his caked and dirty black hair, “Okay?”

His eyelids shutter with a soft nod and you click your tongue, running your hand over his cheek once more before you continue unfastening everything. You could tell his thoughts would drift and swallow him if you didn’t at least attempt a distraction, so you talked to him. Gave him something to focus on besides the last few hours he’d endured.

“Are you hungry?” 

Most of his clasps and buckles had been undone, but you knew at some point he would stop you. Azriel was sensitive about who touched his weapons, Truth Teller in particular. You waited for him to stop you in your ministrations but more and more belts and sheaths slid off and he didn’t stop you.

He shook his head once, his jaw still tense, the muscles in it sharp.

You were desperate to ask more details of what went wrong but you knew it would only make things worse. Details could wait until Azriel was stable and cared for.

He leaned forward, helping you discard his belts onto the coffee table and clutching his ribs from the movement. You gently pushed back on his shoulder and he sat back onto the couch, getting the message that you didn’t want him to try to help and worsen his injuries. Azriel hands you the half drained glass of water and you place it on the table as well,

“What do you need?” You asked, your words quieter than the wind against the side of the cabin. With all his armor and weapons shed, you’d begun to work on his leathers, but you paused, your hand resting on his chest until he answered.

“I just need to get cleaned up and rest.” He finally looks at you, his eyes softer than you’d seen them tonight. You could see it in them--- that emotion that often reflected in his eyes when he looked at you. Something gentle, almost loving, When he looked at you like that, it felt like he was taking you apart, piece by piece with only his gaze. Seeing every part of you, vulnerable and thrumming beneath him.

A scarred hand lifts to touch some of your hair that had fallen loose, almost as if he was mesmerized by it. His hands didn’t shake, though you knew they should after everything. If not from the sheer adrenaline then from the pain. But it didn’t, not as it whispered over your hair and then lowered down into his lap. You’re not sure why the attention made your throat swell with the threat of tears while your cheeks burned under his gaze, but it did.

You set back to work on his leathers, the clothing coming off easily once all the straps and holsters inhibiting it had been removed. You tugged it off, revealing tanned muscles and swirling black tattoos. You’d seen Azriel shirtless more times than you could count. Most often after training, when he’d show up with marks and bruises across his perfect body and face. Even after having him in your bed a few times, you weren’t used to it yet. He still made you nervous, his body still didn’t feel like it was yours to touch and gawk at, even if he had no problem with you doing so. The sight of him still made your heartbeat pick up so fast you knew he could hear it.

And when the corner of his lip curled up ever so slightly with amusement, you knew you’d been caught.

“Shut up.” You mumbled through a smile.

The corners of his mouth deepened at your response but you were thankful for the it, even if it was at the expense of your pride. He was distracted. Your cheeks heat under his knowing stare, watching you like a hawk, seeing every part of you.

“Didn’t know I had that kind of effect on you,” He mused simply and looked back to the fire.

“Yes, you did.” You glance up to his eyes before pulling off the rest of his leathers. His pants would be another effort, the numerous holsters and plates complicating things enough that you didn’t think they were worth removing until everything else was treated. He didn’t complain of any injuries below his waist, so it’s likely your effort would only result in flushing your cheeks and making it hard to look at him if you set about removing them.

You’re about to pull down the top of his leather and reveal any injuries, when Azriel stops you with a hand.

“I’m not badly hurt.”

Your brows furrow in confusion. Aside from the cracked ribs and dripping blood, even the way he was carrying himself and staring into nothing was enough to tell you he was in pain.

He must see the questions in your face because he adds “It was a hard mission--- I’m tired, but I’m not badly hurt.” Azriel breaks eye contact to look at his lap, pressing a hand over where his ribs must be hurt. “I just wanted to let you know.”

Yours brows are still furrowed when you look back down to his chest, peeling off the layers of leather as you go. If he wasn’t badly hurt like he claimed, then whatever was weighing on him wasn’t physical.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Your tone is careful, eyes flicking up to his and then back down. There’s blood smeared nearly everywhere on the inside of his leathers.

He’s guarded. Sharp, cold walls shifting into place behind his eyes. Not against you, you note, but against whatever had happened. What had he witnessed?

With the top portion of his leathers gone, though, there was nothing to hide the trauma to his body. Purple and black bruises forming across the surface of his skin, That, in addition to the blood. It was everywhere, seeping from a large scrape across his ribs. With the confines of the leather and the way his skin had been ripped off from some kind of harsh impact, blood had pooled in his armor and smeared around, leaking through any crevices it could. 

“Az, this looks...” You trail, not wanting to tell him it looked bad, as that was probably poor bedside manner, but it did look bad. “You would appear to be badly hurt.” The technicality in your words a poor attempt at a joke. He smiles.

“I’m not. I’m just sore and feel really gross.” His voice is still raspy but the way it was lighter brought you some peace.

“I have a bath running now. The water’s not heated, so that’s what that’s for,” You nod to the pot of now-boiling water over the fire. 

With the reminder of its existence, you pause your work on Azriel and haul the scalding pot to the washroom. With your back turned to him, you missed the way he flinched and lunged at your careless proximity to the fire. The tub in the washroom wasn’t the luxury you were used to at any of Rhy’s houses, but it would suffice for tonight. You turned off the faucet, deeming it sufficiently filled and then proceeded to dump the large pot of hot water into it. The sudden addition of boiling water into the cold hissed and steamed, the sound of the splashes echoing in the quiet room

When you returned to Az, he was standing from the couch, undoing what he could of his thigh holsters and buckles without bending over and straining his injury. It was a vain effort, more blood spreading and his ribs visibly paining him.

“Stop that,” You warned from your place at the washroom doorway, the large pot still in your hand. You walked it into the kitchen and filled it up at the sink. “I’ll do it, just let me do this first.”

He watched you, your eyes meeting as the pot quickly filled with cold water that hissed when it made contact with the hot metal.

“I can do it myself.” Azriel reassures and you have a suspicion that it’s his pride speaking more than anything else.

You turn the faucet off, pot full. “But you’re not going to.” You heft it out of the sink and carry it over to the fire, careful to not bump yourself on the metal as you do so.

As you set it on the fire, a hand lightly grasps your bicep. Az wasn’t one for casual touches, so you immediately turned to him, still trying to get the pot set up on the fire rack.

“Be careful.”

You’re even more confused now, almost pausing your effort.

“Just... be careful with that.” He forces the words out and releases your arm, turning away but not completely so.

A few more heartbeats of confusion follow before it finally clicks and you heart seems to stop with the ache that consumes it. You secure the pot and straighten up, brows curved upward. “Az,” You whisper, reaching out a hand to his arm.

He doesn’t move. He doesn’t flinch away, or lean into the touch. He’s just... Still.

Your throat constricts with emotions you can’t put names to. “Az. What happened?”

You knew about his past. You knew he was never fond of fire after that, but he’d never been like this around it. Fires warming the townhouse and the House of Wind were a constant in the cooler months and the shadowsinger had never had an issue with sitting in front of them with a drink or a book. Something must’ve happened on the mission to make him react this way. Something so sensitive to him that he refuses to speak, or acknowledge it.

Azriel’s jaw is tensed to iron and his throat bobs before he speaks. “It was n-” He stops himself before he can say what you knew was going to be nothing. It wasn’t nothing. “It was just too much to tell tonight.”

An answer you hadn’t been expecting. You nod and look down, focusing on getting off his lower buckles and straps instead of the vulnerability he’d just expressed. You’ll care for him physically now, and when he’s ready for you help him through the mental scars then you’ll do that too.

Your hands drop to his upper thigh, ignoring how close the buckles were to his center. Azriel’s eyes didn’t move from you as you tried to steady yourself and focusing only on getting the buckles off and nothing else. You didn’t know if your fingers brushing against him through his leathers had him half-hard and you didn’t look to find out. The holsters and straps come off easily enough, though it feels like they took years longer than his upper body ones had, your lingering proximity to a place you couldn’t think about right then. The knives strapped to his lower calves gave you no choice but to lower yourself to your knees to get them off. You look up to his face for a split second, the curiosity of his reaction outweighing your business mode. His brows were raised and you knew from the angle it probably looked more inappropriate than you had initially thought it would. If your eyes looked like fuck-me eyes from that angle, you rolled them at his reaction, turning them into oh-fuck-me eyes.

He snorted. “Is this why you wanted to do this? All an elaborate attempt to bed me?” You stand up, meeting him face to face. He adds in a low voice, “again.”

Your cheeks instantly flush at the reference to your previous affairs with him, your stomach flipping with the effect his voice had on you.

“If I wanted to bed you again, I wouldn’t need an elaborate plan.” You smirk and undo the laces of his pants with one swift tug, ignoring his shock at your comeback. “These come off, then get in the tub.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to do this.” Azriel says, a reminder of sorts. One that you can’t help but feel is either self-deprecating or part of his guarded pride once again.

“I’m taking care of you.” Your voice is commanding, in a low, gentle way.

When the second pot of hot water is added, heating it to comfortable temperature, and Azriel is effectively disrobed, it doesn’t take long for the clean water to turn coppery orange at his presence. He winces when his wound makes contact with the water at first, but once seated in the tub, he sighs and sags against it in exhaustion, his eyes falling closed. You wonder how long he was flying in the cold. Illyrians were pretty resiliant against the cold, but it didn’t make long winter flights soaked in blood and injuries any more enjoyable.

You found a cup, an old stained washrag in the kitchen and a bar of soap that looked like it could’ve been older than you, but all things considered you were grateful for the resources. And then you set to work cleaning your Illyrian. He put up little protest in the state that he was in. He scooted forward and you tilted his head back, cradling it in your palm and he simply relaxed into your touch. When you poured a cupful of warm water over his hair, a breath loosed from his chest. Azriel was deflating, decompressing at last. The tension still wore heavy in his shoulders and his wings were... You could tell by the way he moved them and the way he held the muscles in his back that he was still on edge. Even if just a little. His movements were twitchier than usual. Less of the smooth, practiced way he normally moved.

The water around him grew filthier as Azriel grew cleaner. Another cup of water gently poured over his head has his hair looser from the blood and dirt that had it stiff at the ends. You ran your fingers through it and he hummed, low in his throat. You couldn’t help the soft smile that danced across your features. You worked your fingers in deeper, rubbing them along his scalp and scraping your nails against him. Azriel sighed now, all tension melting off like butter.

There wasn’t a need for words to fill the steamed air between you. You knew Azriel. You knew when he was exhausted that talking was the last thing he wanted to do. He wasn’t very talkative on a good day, but it took something extra from him to communicate when he didn’t have the energy. You knew he appreciated solitude, silence, shadows, peace. But sometimes the silence would be the wrong kind of silence for him and it grated, triggering something within him. The recessed memories of being locked up, alone and surrounded by silence. 

When silence fell, it was still hard for you to tell what kind of silence it was.

You lathered the bar of soap in your hands, taking an unusually long amount of time to do so due to the shriveled and neglected nature of the bar. Once there were in fact suds, you ran them through his hair, still catching on some tangles and messy spots. The wind always gave his hair the cutest mussed style that made you want to jump him where he stood, but long journeys often resulted more knots and messes than anything else. 

Azriel melted beneath your hands, color slowly returning to his complexion as he healed up and relaxed. The scent of him filled the air more than that of the blood. Purely Azriel. You wondered if he could smell you too, if he was paying enough attention. You wondered what he was thinking of, glancing down to his furrowed dark brows. He was a mystery. An enigma, but gods, he was a beautiful one at that. The angle and the lighting made his jaw a sharp cut and his cheekbones... He was truly a specimen to behold. You didn’t know how you got so lucky. A thought followed by you giving him extra attention, rubbing his scalp and running a soapy hand to rub at his sore neck.

Meanwhile, Azriel was thinking the same, dissolving into the only safe place he had. The only place he’d want to be. You were all he thought of through his entire flight. Images of you, glimpses of daydreams and memories flashed in his head at any moment in which action stalled, even during the mission. You consumed his thoughts with a pure, white hot and holy burning desire to just be near you and feel the presence you bring. You were comfort, safety, patience, and something more. Perhaps it was love, but there was something that Azriel chose to not put name to, that made him crave being near you like an addict. 

And so hurt and naked in a dingy bath in a busted old cabin, Azriel breathed your presence. He sighed at the feel of your fingers on his scalp, working the muscles in his neck too. He was so irreparably in love with you it made his chest hurt to even be receiving such treatment. The gash on his side, the broken ribs and innumerable bruises were dulled to a small thought in the back of his mind when you touched him with such tenderness. The cabin was silent, aside from the crackling of the fire in the other room and the tinkling and splashing of water rinsing him off. It was the kind of silence that should’ve been peaceful, especially after such a chaotic night, but it was half the chaos of the night that made the silence unbearable. Every time his fae hearing picked up the crackle and pops of the logs in the fire, Azriel stifled a flinch or attempted to keep himself level, though it felt like it might’ve been fresh sweat appearing in the place of the sweat he just rinsed. The silence was too much tonight.

He kept his voice from shaking barely. “Talk to me, my love.”

Your brows furrowed for a split second before you understood the implication behind his words. He’d never explicitly explained to you, but somehow, he had a feeling you understood. 

Your hands stilled in his hair as you thought. “What about?”

Azriel made a noise between a hum and a grunt and settled down lower in the tub, leaning against the side. “I don’t care. I just want to hear your voice.”

You’re pretty sure it was part of your broken heart that was what made it so difficult to swallow. His confession, a simple one that tore out a piece of you. A raw presentation of how much he relied on you to get him through this.

“Is it okay if I sing?” You fill up the cup, glancing to meet his fogged hazel eyes. He was looking at you and despite the way he wasn’t totally clear headed, his presence was so intense on average that under these circumstances it still made you squirm to be looked at like that.

“I’d like that.” He whispered, leaning so you could rinse his hair. You did rinse it and were immediately pleased by how much cleaner and softer it was. You couldn’t wait until all of his was cleaned and patched up and you could just rest together in the small rickety double bed.

So you offered your voice, mindlessly humming whatever popped into your head and supplying lyrics when a full song would present itself. It was quiet, a lullaby in the mellow atmosphere of the bathroom. The tile was pressing roughly into your knees by the time you realized Azriel might not even have the energy to finish the rest of his bath on his own. You ran the washcloth down his back, between two dirty bat wings and along the muscles that stood out impressively on the male. You ran it along his front, along his tattooed shoulders and over his collarbone. His eyes were burning into yours now, aware of every movement of yours on his body, but with his attention entirely on you instead of himself. On a better day you might’ve taken the time to slowly feel across the surface of his body as you knew he would give you the opportunity to, but tonight you were strictly business. You’re careful around his injury and when he winced and reached for the cloth to do it himself, you offered it away with no complaint. After he was done with the area, though, he handed it back to you.

You paused your humming, holding the cloth out to him “Did you want to do your wings?”

The automatic assumption that he didn’t want anyone touching them but himself was not just a probable guess, but an obvious assumption. If not based on Illyrian tendencies, then based on Azriel tendencies. And they needed to be washed. Blood, dirt, scratches--- and something else that you’re pretty certain is cobwebs--- cover them in a way that you knew must feel icky.

His wet, scarred hand comes up from the water to push the cloth back towards you, wordlessly.

You gape back at him, unable to process the implications of his action. “Az, don’t you... Are you sure?” Convinced there must be some way you were misunderstanding. 

There were so many things about the situation that made it more than just a brief, casual touch of his wing. He was trusting you with the whole surface area of both of them. You had never even been acquainted with the methods and rules of touching them casually. Like, how sensitive were they? If you rubbed the washcloth on them would that be too much? If they were so sensitive, then how could they use them with such brutal wing beats, supporting their bodyweight against winds? You were lost but your concern and all other thoughts melted away when Azriel leaned forward and spread his wings for you, erasing any doubts to whether you misunderstood.

“Tell me if I’m doing something wrong. Or if you’d like it a different way.” You mumbled, dipping the rag into the bath water and slowly bringing it up to his left wing.

Azriel hummed softly, nerves bouncing around at the idea of what he’d just given you permission to do. You were the only person he wanted to do that. 

You lower the rag, squeezing it so the warm water trickles on the membranous skin first, testing how he reacted to just the feeling of water. He twitched at the first drops hit the sensitive area, but quickly became accustomed to it and then it didn’t seem to bother him much. You had stopped your gentle lullabies in exchange for focusing all your attention on the task at hand. When he didn’t react to the water, you carefully pressed the washcloth down. Azriel didn’t move, so you did, taking it as a good sign. As you cautiously swiped and dabbed across his wing, you didn’t miss the way he reacted to certain areas. Some of them were notably more sensitive than others and you weren’t entirely sure how to interpret the reactions they elicited. Soft sighs, sucking in his breath, tensing and flickering the muscles in his back despite his wings remaining still. You observed them and noted them for later, for a better time. 

When you moved to wash the other wing, Azriel didn’t spread it out for you as much as he had the other. You gently took the task into your own hands, but even with your hand guiding it, he didn’t take the hint and stretch it like you expected he would. A curious observation that had you peering around to scan his face. Only to discover that your gentle ministrations and soft touches had put him to sleep. Your chest nearly caved at the trust in you Azriel had displayed in the past 30 minutes, but you continued washing him, ever so careful to not wake him until the very end when there was nothing left for you to do.

He rubbed at his eyes, a little dazed as he refocused on the world again and remembered where he was and what had happened. You turned to grab his towels and when you turned back around he had stood up, water pouring and dripping off the entirety of his body and back into the bloody bath. You bring the towel forward, only noticing up close with a quick glance that he was half hard. You didn’t know what to make of it, surprised that even in spite of his exhaustion and injuries and despite the way you hadn’t noticed his scent change.

Azriel noticed that you noticed, taking the towel to begin drying himself. “Sorry, I can’t...” He trailed, his voice groggy and gravely. 

You weren’t even sure what he was going to say or what excuse he had but you dismissed it quickly regardless. “It’s okay, love.”

                                                   ◈𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 ◈

Azriel dressed halfway with some old moth eaten pajamas you found in the wardrobe in the bedroom, leaving his top half bare for you to bandage him up. He promised you it wasn’t necessary and that the wound would be closed by the time you two woke in the morning. Despite that being the most words he’d said to you the entire night, it didn’t comfort you much. You knew he just wanted to sleep, but with cracked ribs and a weeping wound on top of them, you would rather stay up for an extra half hour than try to let him sleep with that unbound. The cabin fortunately came stocked with basic medical supplies, a result of Rhys’ priorities.

So you carefully, and as gently as you could, bound his injuries and fastened it so he wouldn’t strain his ribs. All guided by vague, yet helpful instructions from  your patient. There was nothing that required stitches and though you wanted to fret over Azriel and his injuries for longer, it was late at night and both of you were exhausted, his own weariness taking precedence over your desperation to patch him up any further. So, at his request, you grabbed his knives from the coffee table and brought them to bedroom, sliding under the thick quilt and watching as Azriel slid Truth Teller beneath his stiff down pillow. You smiled faintly, watching his careful movements as to not aggravate his injuries. His right hand was still pressed over his ribs, making you wonder just how much pain he was hiding from you, though your thoughts dissolved when his eyes met your yours.

Azriel scans your face, taking in your features with a slowness--- a peace that you knew meant that you had done your job well.

“Thank you... for all this.” He whispered in the quiet of your room. His shadows swirled in the darkness. You couldn’t tell where they stopped and where the unlit bedroom began, the light from the the fireplace in the living room being the only source light.

You brought a hand up to his almost dried hair, running your hand through it lovingly. “Of course, Az.” You leaned forward and pecked his lips in a moment of boldness spurred by blind exhaustion and love. He reciprocated and leaned into your touch. 

You two stayed like that for longer than you realized, just soaking in each others presence. Coming down from the anxiety and stress of the last several hours and just being with one another.

“That’s what I’m here for.” You muttered, bumping your nose against his before pulling back to settle down in bed. 

Azriel does the same, scooting down and situating the pillows comfortably. “And here I thought you just wanted me for my body,” He mumbled and you were grateful for the reappearance of his sarcasm. He lifts an arm, inviting you to cuddle up against him and you immediately do so, appreciative of his warmth in the small cabin.

“I do. That’s why I gotta fix it.” With your head resting on his chest, you look up at him and find him looking down at you with the same lovesick look you know you wore. He leans down and presses a kiss to the top of your head and you shut your eyes at the contact, basking in the warmth of him, the feeling of his skin against yours, the safety in his arms. One of his hands comes up to bury in your hair and you sigh contentedly against him, drifting into sleep like the snow outside that had just begun to float down.

[jjunsolos]

LET ME IN! - love songs

synopsis - jeon yn is a mysterious human being. people only know her as “kazuhas silent buddy”. this makes beomgyu curious. curious enough to try and befriend yn himself. if only she wasnt so stubborn…

warnings - written, mentions of food, they kiss, nothing else i think. but ofcc lmk if im wrong🙏🏽

wc - 869

prev. | m.list | next.

and just like he said, he was there before you knew it.

a smile grew on your face when you stepped out of your car, something about the sight of beomgyu patiently waiting by your door brings some sort of happiness to you. slamming the car door, you quickly make your way to the man and by then hes already looking at you.

“hey you..” beomgyu says with a smile, putting the phone that was currently in his hand into his pocket. your smile stays still. maybe even growing a bit as you admire the handsome man in front of you.

“you know, if you wanted to kidnap me then you could have just told me.”

he acts offended as a wave of laughter comes out of you.

“ignoring THAT,” he starts “i actually wanted to take you out! school has been making you busy lately so as your favorite beomgyu, i will take you out today!!”

when beomgyu finishes his sentence with a wide smile, you knew you were in love. you werent gonna deny his request. you obviously werent gonna deny his request. who would ever deny his request??

“well then, lead the way”

and with that, you both hop into your car. beomgyu driving, you being his passenger princess.

four hours has passed and youre still in the car. the only thing thats changed is the mcdonalds bag thats in your lap right now. as you stuff fries into your mouth, you begin to realize that you and beomgyu never really left the car. youve been driving around, singing along to beomgyus liked playlist on spotify as you go from one fast food place to another. the wingstop and burger king bags in the back serve as evidence.

“where exactly are we going, beomgyu?” a smile appears on beomgyus face.

“what time is it?” you check.

“9:50”

“a few more minutes and we’ll be there” he replies. you groan dramatically. but whats not dramatic is the pain your ass is feeling from sitting for 4 hours.

“but beomgyuuuuuu” you whine like a child. he just smiles and turns up the music. ‘love songs’ by kaash paige is on and beomgyu is humming along to the chorus.

“a little longer, yn..”

10 minutes later, beomgyu pulls up to a park.

“here we are!” he exclaims once he steps out of the car. in the middle of your stretching, you turn slightly to the right to take a good look at the park beomgyu has taken you to. and thats when your jaw drops. not because of shock, but of disbelief.

“beomgyu..”

“yeah?”

“we drove around for 4 hours.. just for you to take us to a park thats 4 minutes away from my house?” thats when you turn to beomgyu, only to see him smiling like an idiot.

“yup!” he opens the trunk, grabbing something while you still cant believe whats happening right now.

“BUT- BUT,” you point to the park, “IF YOU WANTED TO COME TO THE PARK WE COULDVE JUST WALKED!” you exclaim. beomgyu looks as unamused as ever as he closes the trunk, turning to face you.

“so… you gonna take my hand or what?” he holds his hand out in front of you while you glare down at it.

“…youre lucky your hands are soft.” you grumble before slapping your hand into his. and thats when beomgyu starts taking off with your hand in his, and a blanket under his arm.

when beomgyu asked you to hang out with him earlier today, you expected a few things. maybe a car crash, you both arguing. maybe beomgyu breaking your car? you wouldve never guessed that beomgyu would bring you to an empty field for you both to watch the stars after filling your tummy with fast food. you dont mind it though. oh no. quite the opposite.

“that ones pretty, no? it shining really bright.” beomgyu says lightly, his right arm raising to point at the star he finds pretty. you turn to beomgyu, admiring his side profile for a while.

“like you…” now its beomgyus turn to look at you. he just stares for a while. tons of thoughts running through his head. were you being serious? do you have feelings for him? do you know how beauiful YOU are?

beomgyu stays gazing into your eyes, the stars long forgotten. never looking away, you scoot closer and your eyes shift down to his lips.

“thank you, beomgyu”

“for what?”

“for this.”

and then your lips reunite. passion, desire, want is shown in the kiss. the way your hand slowly reaches to beomgyus neck while his linger on your waist, thumb caressing your side. your lips meet and separate. like a pattern. touch, separate, touch, separate. and it continues like this until the air in your lungs is low.

“i really like you beomgyu. i tried.. so hard not to fall for you. but youre too good to me. youre to good to give up on.” you say all while stating into beomgyus dark eyes that have tears in them.

“im sorry, im so sorry for taking so long. you wont regret this, i promise.”

a giggle leaves your mouth.

“you promise?”

“i PROMISE.”

taglist [open] - (bold = couldnt mention)

@forever-in-the-sky2 @londonchuu @erin-calling @boomboomcat @itzxvaxella @letapostropheesgo @captivq @curly-fr13s @strawbrinkofdeath @ukitouu @ineedaherosavemeenow @wonioml @enhapocketz @ghostfacefricker6969 @kpoprhia @softcabur @ch-choerry @faelyncore @emohazuzworld @zuzu-the-simp @luvsoobs @heyanonymous123 @browniestraykidshiteu @lqbeorecs @lmaonada @aernx @il0vebeomgyu @ja4hyvn @chaeey @mangobee @cryingforgyu @dilfjk @rikislady @ahnneyong @marshmelle @l0ve-joy @minkyungseokie @pussyslayerhd @flrtsbin @soobsfairy444 @sofia-rom @iikyomii @choi-beomgyulvr @moa4lifeee @acidicloveee @txtmetonight @sam-andher-tales @rainbowszi @jype2papi @cha0thicpisces @imsiriuslyreal @soobs-things @cho8beomie

author’s note - im so srry for taking a whole month to finish this chapter😪 im a lazy person

[simping4-2manyppl]

HIIIII i just LOVE the way you write and i wanted to send you a request so here i am!

the band (separately) falling in love with fem! romanian! reader

like how will they react to all the traditions and the food and stuff and reader had this thick accent yk

and if you need more informations abt romania just tell me

thank you very much if you're gonna do the request!

Hii of course! And tysm! I appreciate the kind words 💗 @ma0ta thanks so much for informing me with the traditions and basically just the Romanian culture! i think its super fascinating! Anyways lysm! i hope you enjoy!! I also used some google translate, if its not correct please lmk so i could fix it! Maybe some errors btw!!

UNFINISHED

Bill kaulitz 🎤

LOVE THIS GIF OF BAE 🤭

When you first met bill he noticed your accent and asked you where you were from, you obviously noticed he also had an accent so you both decided to tell eachother at the same time.

Both being young kids you became friends quickly, eventually growing up with him. You would sometimes tell him things about your culture and he would always be so fascinated by hearing you go on and on, being able to listen to you talk about it for hours.

It truly amazed him.

That was something that you loved so much about bill, he was never disrespectful towards your culture and he always wanted to learn more about it, so much that you even taught him some words.

Naughty ones, of course. But obviously the basics such as, Buna ziua (hello) ce mai faci? (How are you?) and most of your words containing ‘your mother’. Which never failed to make him laugh.

After you and bill had gotten closer, he had learned that you celebrate ‘dragobete’ On the 24th of February, like your own kind of valentines day. And he, of course made sure to spend the whole day with you doing some of your basic family traditions and even going to dinner with your family!

But what he didnt expect was seeing how much family you had, he saw probably more than 10 family members all around, which he didnt mind at all, he was just a bit shocked.

He had met your parents a couple times before, when you were younger but never had the time to have a full on conversation with them.

When you went around and greeted your whole family he also greeted them, pulling out some of the Romanian that you taught him. He was super glad that he actually took the time to learn your language or else he wouldve just felt so out of place but your family made him feel welcomed and he appreciated that.

When it was time to eat, the table was covered with some of your favorite foods, such as, “Sarmale” (meat and vegetables in pickled cabbage and once in a while it is also put in a vine leaf) "Mici" (beef, cow, pig, etc) and "Mămăligă” ( basically an alternative for bread) and so much more delicious food.

You had served bill some of the food you thought he would like and he did! He was nervous about trying it since he had never had Romanian food before, he had only known some of the food since you had told him about it but he actually did end up enjoying the food which made you feel extremely happy that your best friend put in the effort to learn about your culture and basically all of your traditions, and especially learning to love the food.

At the end of the night, you two were outside alone, just talking about random things. After it got quiet for a while bill broke the silence and spoke up, “I had a really nice time tonight ___.” He said, with a smile on his face as he turned to you, you smiled back at him and nodded, “im glad bill!” You said, with a big grin on your face, now facing him. “He looked into your eyes as you looked into his, both smiling and blushing as his face was now inches away from yours.

He placed his hand on your cheek, smiling, “i really like you ___…” he said in a whisper. You blushed and started smiling, “i like you too bill..” you said, biting your lip, still with a big goofy grin on your face.

“___, i have been inlove with you ever since we have met. And i love the way youre so kind and your accent. Is just. Oh God i love it.” He said as you placed both your hands on his cheeks, pulling him in for a kiss.

the kiss ended as you placed your forehead on his and stared right into his eyes, with a big smile your face. That night, was the night you realized you had found the love of your life.

Georg Listing

They barely have any GIFS of my man 😔 but he looks so adorable in this AHH

When you first met georg you were walking out of the small coffee shop and had accidentally bumped into him, dropping his coffee on the ground, “Oh my! Im very sorry!” You said, apologizing.

Being the kind soul that he was he reassured you that it was okay, but you insisted on making it up to him with a brand new cup of coffee, saying it was on you.

He didnt mind as he thought you were stunning, so he agreed. You both walked into the coffee shop, getting him a new cup of coffee as promised.

You decided to sit down with him as you also wanted to get to know him better and because you werent really in a rush to go anywhere.

“Again, im really sorry! I hope the new cup of coffee makes up for it.” You said, “No yeah, its fine! Really, but i think getting to know you is better than anything.” He said winking at you, causing you to laugh, with a small hint of red creeping up on your face.

“Alrightt, well where are you from? i can tell you have an accent.” You said smiling, taking a sip of your coffee. “Im from Germany! You? I can tell you also have an accent.” He said, causing you to laugh.

“Thats amazing, and yeah, my accents pretty thick but it just makes a person so much more interesting.” You said winking, “Im from Romania.” You said shortly after, smiling up at him.

“You’re right, accents do make someone so much better and interesting, definitely more attractive too.” He said blushing, trying to flirt with you.

You thought it was cute and just giggled, “Romania huh? Ive heard it’s gorgeous over there, that true?” He said, sipping on his coffee.

“Yeah it is! How about Germany? Is it nice over there?” you said smiling. “I mean parts of it, yeah.” He said chuckling.

That day you talked with him for a while before saying that he had to leave. “Oh no, i didnt take up much of your time did i?” you said biting your lip with a worried look on your face, “no of course not! i actually enjoyed this, i was actually wondering if i could get your number? I really enjoyed talking to you.” He said, sort of blushing.

You smiled and nodded in response, giving him your number. “Well then ill see you around!” He said, as you both parted ways. After that day youd be on calls with him non stop, or together hanging out in person.

On February 28th, you had rambled on for quite a while about how you were so excited for Mărțișor. The first day of spring, one of your favorite seasons.

That night georg had told you to meet him in the same small coffee shop you had met him in you didnt think anything of it, but you gladly accepted as you were always down to go see him.

When you met him at the coffee shop he had given you a silky red-white thread that was tied into a bow, with a small trinket attached onto it.

You were surprised to say the least, but you gave him the biggest hug and kiss on the cheek which caused both of you to blush.

You admired it and smiled to yourself while he admired you, he was glad you loved it, even if he didnt know much about your culture he always tried to ask questions and search about it so he’d know more about your culture.

Expect that this one he had kept it a secret from you, wanting it to be a surprise. “I just thought id show my appreciation for you.” He said blushing, you looked up at him with a big smile. “Thank you georg, it really does mean alot to me..” You said, looking at the gift in awe, as you had a small tint of pink on your cheeks.

Gustav Schäfer 🥁

HES SOOO CUTEE AHH I LOVE HIM SO MUCHH 🙁💗

Im so srry you guys i rlly meant to finish this but i never got the time, but i hope yall still enjoy what i did write 😭💗💗💗 also im rlly sorry for the lovely person who wrote this request in they were amazing and truly a big help, i feel terrible i never got around to finishing it! And ty all for the requests aswell i rlly do appreciate it but my motivation is literally gone 😪😓 i still love tokio hotel dw!

[skatingbi]

Yeah im...gonna expand on my Ace lives AU more bc im drinking that good ole copium :')

Too lazy to make this gramatically correct so accept my random word vomit!

At marineford, luffy is screaming for a doctor or literally anyone who can help ace. He knows ace isnt dead, he cant be, because he promised. A brother doesnt break promises. By some miracle, him, ace, and jimbei escape to Law's ship because hes there and a doctor. He offers to help the three of them.

Neither luffy or jimbei question it. They drop in and jimbei, being the least injured, helps law get them to his operating room. Luffy refuses treatment until Ace is at least stable. Law is not nearly willing enough to put up with luffy but he gets to Ace first anyways. After maybe 10 hours (or more, lets face it ace was a fucking mess) Law emerges and says ace is stable enough to where he wont die on the spot. He cant guarantee his survival though.

Thats enough for luffy. The shock and adrenaline from Iva's devil fruit powers catches up shortly after and he passes out.

When Luffy wakes up, its a few weeks later. Ace is still in a coma, but Law guarantees that Ace is stable enough to live through it. He forces them both in recovery by resting, and Jimbei looks after luffy at the request (orders mostly) or Law.

"No extreme activity, strawhat. I mean it. If you open up your wounds again you will die." Law states plainly.

Luffy still runs away. This time its still the same PTSD flashback but with so much more anger. Ace lived but barely. How is he meant to be the pirate king when he's so weak. Thats when Jimbei steps in just like in the canon storyline, telling him how he's clouded by what he cant do and instead needs to focus on what he can do and who else he has with him. Luffy breaks down then, and jimbei lets luffy hold onto him for comfort. He recognizes that he's just a kid. He's been traumatized so much in only a few months and he's figured his childhood was pretty rough and thats added to it as well.

When jimbei talks with law privately about this, law agrees. Theres not much they can do since they dont know luffy well enough, but they give him space to heal while also making sure luffy doesnt hurt himself. Jimbei is tasked with watching luffy, just as he promised ace he'd do.

So lets fast forward a few more weeks and Ace wakes up. Ace is in a lot of pain. Like, a lot. But he reassures luffy he'll get through this. When luffy tells ace whats been going on, his older brother looks so serious and he hasnt seen that look since they were kids.

"Luffy, promise me one thing," Ace says with a firm tone leaving no room for interruption, "Promise me you'll never, and I mean never, hurt yourself like that again." And when ace finishes talking luffy cries again.

"I will, I will, Im so sorry Ace just please dont leave me-" And ace hugs him as best as he can in his condition. Luffy promises. And now ace can rest easy as an older brother.

When luffy goes with Rayleigh, Ace has to stay with law on the ship because he's unable to be relocated. Luffy only relents when ace promises not to get hurt, and law will take care of him. Law tells luffy that ace still wont be able to move much for a long while, maybe even a year. But luffy is okay with that as long as Ace is alive and well. He'll get stronger so he can protect ace just like how ace protected him.

So the timeskip happens. Law drops ace off with luffy and they board boa hancock's ship to go to sabaody archipelago. The entire sequence with the imposter strawhats is kind of the same except for when ace nearly blows his cover to kick their asses but luffy stops him.

"Theyre not worth your time, ace. Plus, I really want you to meet my nakama!" is what he says after he realizes theyre imposters. Ace is stunned by luffy's rare show of maturity and listens. He still complains, though.

When they arrive at the ship Luffy is thrilled to meet his nakama again and i think it'll be fucking hilarious for them to meet ace because what if the military says ace is dead in the newspapers? I mean, theres no way he survived, right? Luffy just took ace's body to bury it. Thats the story they put in the paper and luffy doesnt correct them.

So, the crew are like "hey luffy whos your friend?" and luffy is like "oh thats my brother!" and ace removes the hood of his disguise to wave.

"WHAT!?!" is all thats heard and chaos breaks out. Because what the fuck? Ace is dead??? Or he was but now hes here???

"Nah, they just wrote that because i shouldnt have survived, but here I am!" Ace replies and laughs at the crew's confused and stunned expressions. So when ace says he's sticking around with them, they just nod. Nobody really protests. Its surprising, but they know Ace would die for luffy and they share that sentiment as well.

[wherehave-yougone]

TW!!!!!!!!! Violence and substances mentioned!!!!

THIS IS A VENT POST about something I went through that I've never told anyone before. I thought if i wrote it all out maybe I could work through it a little.

December 31 2022,

Me and my fiance at the time went to a new years party at our friend J's house and I invited one of my childhood friends. Everyone had been drinking and smoking w**d, but no one had gotten as drunk as my fiance.

When the countdown to midnight started we all went outside to light fireworks. My fiance was so drunk he fell off the porch twice, and had to be helped into a chair. He was angry and calling me names at this point, and he said he wanted to go home. We had gotten in some minor fights before where we threw things or pushed each other , I didn't want to escalate to that so I chose to not be in the same vehicle as my fiance.

J drove him while my friend and i followed behind in another car. They got my fiance inside and put him in bed. Everyone had left ( or so i thought).

I went to put a blanket over my fiance.. He got up and charged towards me. I calmed him down a little and he went to the bathroom, but shortly after came running out to charge at me again. He grabbed me by the wrists pushing me in no particular direction. After some struggle I pushed him onto the couch but he still had hold of my arms tightly. I was frozen with shock and fear. I kept repeating "its ok it's ok its ok" in a whisper to try to rationalize what was happening. The only other words i managed to say were "im sorry please I know its my fault" even though I didnt know what i was apologizing for. He kept trying to swing his fists and kick his legs at me for what felt like hours, but was luckily too drunk to really land any hits.

I managed to call J while still being held by my arms and told him I needed help. J responded with " just call the cops and let them take him". I didn't want him to go to jail and ruin his life... Our life. So i called his parents. They said I should "relax it cant be that bad" to which I screamed "come get your son or the cops will". They showed up 30 minutes later (they only live 10 minutes away) and didn't try to stop him at all.

Once I finally got away from him I hid in a gap between the stove and the counter. His parents let him run around trying to find me until he gave up and they got him in their car. I handed my engagement ring to his mom and she pushed it back towards me saying "just wait until tomorrow to make a decision". His parents tried to convince me to get over it multiple times until they left and took him with them.

I don't know if it was from the shock or just needing to get away, but i ran outside to the parking lot. My childhood friend had been in his truck trying to sober up before heading home, and saw me run out. After explaining what happened we went back inside to start cleaning everything that had been broken from the fight.

After putting the lamp back on the broken table with my busted pineapple clock, I fell to the floor and started sobbing. With no energy to move, i laid there in a crumpled ball all night while my friend sat next to me just listening to me cry... 11 years of tears and anger came out that night. All of the things I had held in for so long surfaced and kept pouring out uncontrollably.

Morning finally came, as my phone started ringing. "Why am I at my parents" he said in an angry tone. I explained to him what had happened ... "Bullsh*t that didn't happen, im coming home right now f*ck you dont lie to me". I begged him not to come home yet, i said I was scared and needed time. He stayed away for a week until he decided it had been long enough and once he came home he saw the bruises on my arms. they were so bad i had to wear long sleeves at work for a month.

In that month things escalated. Every time I tried to talk to him I'd end up screaming and manic but I didn't know why. He drank every day even though he promised he would go to AA and get help. He would try to convince me to stay the night with him and every time i did he would be mad I didn't want to have s*x. I just wanted to be held but that "wasn't fair to his needs".

Through all of this my friend was trying to get approved on a trailer for us to live in, and that just pushed my fiance over the edge, but I needed a break and didn't trust any of my other friends anymore to stay with them. After signing the lease my fiance would call me and yell for hours about how I was a wh*re ,and I deserved to d*e ,and how he'd str*ngle my friend and "h*ng him by his dreadlocks". Then he would switch to how he was sorry and that I shouldn't be with someone like him and that I deserved better. He would threaten to k*ll himself multiple times, he took pills so much i had to call his dad to make sure he was ok.

One day he called and said he was going to k*ll himself and sounded serious. I had my friend drive me to him as fast as possible while my fiance was screaming profanity at me over the phone the whole way. As I walked in he put a g*n to his head and said "look at what you've done". I panicked and started hitting his chest to try to get him to stop. Finally he put it down and said " sorry I'm not in my right mind" and convinced me he wouldn't do it if I stayed the night. I agreed (I'm an idiot). We laid in bed cuddling when he tried to convince me to have s*x again and got mad like usual because I didn't want to. He told me i was over reacting and that "its not like he r*ped me" so he didn't understand why i didn't want to have s*x. We ended up fighting the whole night until sunrise.

After that I didn't go back until the weekend was over. Upon entering the apartment I found condoms all over the bed, and some drawing clearly done by a girl on the kitchen table. I called him crying. He had been begging me to come back while he was f*king some other girl. The same days he said I was his soulmate and he loved me, he had another girl on our couch holding my cat, taking my home.

A few more days past and he messaged me saying that he was done. He told me I could keep the engagement ring because "he wanted his first love to always keep it", He said that he found someone and they made him happy. He said just because he's happy doesn't mean he doesn't miss me.. And that maybe other people needed us in their lives more right now.. He told me we could be friends.

August 5th 2023 came and he said that he wanted the engagement ring back and I needed to come get one last box of stuff. The box was full of my childhood pictures and all the love notes I'd written him.. Even the most recent one. I was crushed seeing him in person again. I saw his new girl through the window holding my cat in the apartment I picked out for us... I told him he had been my best friend and that I would always love him but he hurt me, to which he said "you'll get over it". This was not the man i loved for all those years.. This was a stranger. As my friend drove us back I broke down screaming and crying about how much i wanted to d*e. My friend just stayed quiet and let me get it out the whole way home.

Days turned into weeks and I was still crying. I still am and its been 124 days since I last saw him... I don't know if i cry because I miss him or if I cry because the pain he caused wont go away. I know I cry because I lost my cat, my baby. He took him after promising I could have him and I'll never be able to see his orange face ever again... This is what crushes me most, To the point that I've decided to not have children so I never have to be that attached to something or someone again.

Not even a week ago he blocked me on everything just so he could post pictures of his new girl. He hated taking pictures. He never let me post selfies of my own. I haven't made a post on regular social media in a year and I feel pathetic... I feel stupid for still feeling hurt over what he does. He promised to be my best friend no matter what, he broke every other promise so why would he keep this one..

Its been months since that incident and just now people from my friend group are reaching out to me to ask how i am. And to tell me how my ex has ghosted everyone for his new girlfriend. So since they don't have him they think they can be friends with me again. Ha! Yeah f*cking right. No one was there for me except the people i talk to now and I'm not going to let that go. They all had bad things to say about the person i live with now but couldn't be there when i needed help ? go jump off a bridge you f*cks.

No one in my old life cared. I could starve and cut and take dr*gs and they would tell me I needed to lose more weight or needed to take more dr*gs cuz I was too uptight. My ex didn't even care when I lost 40 lbs from not eating. He just told me i was stupid . He threw a hashbrown at me once and said i was ret*rded cuz it was just food and that i shouldn't be crying cuz I wanted to eat it but couldn't make myself.

Some days I see how bad my past was.. Other days im blinded by the good memories and cry because I wonder if I made the right choice. I lost my cat, my fucking baby, over all of this. I lost the person I called my soulmate and my best friend, the person i thought was going to hold my wrinkly hand when im old...the thought of losing that still makes me cry even now... and I lost my hometown because I ran away. But I have gained a lot too since leaving.

I've started dating the person i live with. He was there through it all and showed me just how amazing of a person he is. I always felt a connection but my love for my ex was always too strong to make me think of anyone else. But now I find myself becoming more attached to my new bf. I can be vulnerable. Even if he isn't the best with words or advice, he listens. He doesn't tell me to stop crying, he just holds me until i do. I didn't intend to love someone else so quickly, and i may not be fully healed but that's ok. I am building myself back up with him. And he is very patient. We have our own issues, every relationship does, but I feel like maybe i can get through this trauma a little easier when hes there. I'm afraid to ever be that connected to someone again though... I dont know if I'll ever trust someone the way i did with my ex.. I might never let myself fully love again. And that is my payment for loving someone deeper than the ocean. Guard your heart until you know the person you love will guard it for you. And treat every day like its the last you'll see your loved ones or pets.. Because for me it was. Knowing they're 30 minutes away and I'll never be able to see them again will forever be something i have to live with and work through... But it will hurt me until the day i die.

If you read all of this, i just want to say thank you. You took the time out of your day to read some strangers life story, which shows you care more than anyone in my life currently. You are awesome <3 feel free to message or follow, I follow back <3

[iamhereforth1nspo]

i feel so misunderstood and hurt.

today i had an argument with my bfriend, which was very unnecessary and just made me feel very bad. i came home after work with some fresh bread to enjoy some food time with him. i love to do this, thats why i bring it often. he was busy with something not important while i was cooking, even though he has nothing to do at the moment.. but he was productive at 10 am for washing the dishes and showering, so i didnt tell him i want him nearby when i was cooking. even though i told him often already that i like when he accompanies me cooking. So the time rolls up, food is ready and we sit down to eat. 1 minute later his mom calls. i grab the phone while something in my mouth and answer. "Hewwo" "Ooh are you eating?... I just wanted to ask ..." alright, i give the phone to my bf and let them finish talking. i eat one bite. two. three and so on. i have finished, 15 minutes have passed and he is still talking. i wait for him at the table to finish his food too and i probably looked a bit sad. he says "something wrong?", i decline because its dumb that im kind of sad about not eating together. i know i could have waited with my food, but i was very hungry and i wanted to eat in my work-break that was 3 hours before my shift ended, so i was getting very hungry.

(i asked in the morning if we could have our breadtime and he said yes, but then he said he didnt want to anymore, as he ate his breakfast snack. he gets full quite easily so i said, ok then we do it after my work)

anyway, we sit there, stare at each other and he goes again "are you mad?"

i still decline. he goes again and i say "well it was a little bit uncool that you talked so long on the phone.."

"why do i have to squeeze this out of you again??"

(we just recently had a discussion about the bread time thing where i asked about bread time in the morning but he didnt reaally decline nor agree. Because i had asked 3 times without a no or a yes i thought it was happening. i even said "im looking forward to BT!!" still no no/yes. So as the day progresses i ask him what kind of bread he wants. then he types, "oh i just had my breakfast". i go "whaaaaat what about our food thing?"

"i didnt tell you yes explicatly so why did you take it that way." of course i was a little shocked so i might have reacted over the top. he likes to call this "drama" when something like this happens. we talk about the food thing in person and how i thinks he miscommunicated with me and that i was really really looking forward to it because i like it so much. he says that I miscommunicated in not explicitly asking what he wants and stufd like that. i was baffled because you dont have to be so strict with explicitly communication every single bit. he still stands his ground, that we both miscommunicated. but i think he just was too lazy to say he didnt want it today... i would have understood it better than "oh i already ate")

ANYWAY. So with this in mind i didnt want to get this kind of stressful discussion again, thats why he had to squeeze it out of me. I am always very exhausted after work because i have recently started and full time is taking its toll after basically having a break for 1 year (only household duties) i dont understand why he doesnt value our time together. Yes we do stuff together and i love it but it doesnt mean that there should be a limit on how much love should suffice. He said that because we had a movie night and we went to shop for bicycle gear,

(another short story.... after shopping with him, driving home i asked him to prep the cooking we had planned. while i go and shower and then cook the actual food.. but then went to his car because there was a little bit of oil leakage on the cat seat. he hadnt used the car in a while so the oil has been leaking for at least 2 days, but there only was a small patch. he writes his dad and writes his dad. dad says to act fast and wash it with warm water and soak it up with a cloth.. i really dont want to bother but i tell him, "plllls i am very hungry. can you prep a little?" and he prepped the chicken and i was grateful for that. i prepped the other stuff and cooked the rest and we would be ready for dinner.

so as he comes back, he says what should i do with the oil water? i say i dont know. he writes his dad. dinners ready. dad says, if you want to be a correct citizen you fill the oilwater-soapthing up in jars to dispose it correctly. i help him search for a good container to dispose it in.. it takes a long time and i wait while the food is done. he says "i want to do it properly!!!" well yes but i am exhausted and i helped you with it and i basically cooked dinner and it is 8 pm i want to eat, i have to sleep basically 2 hours after eating. is what i thought. he washes his hands looong and intensely. i was understanding of this situation and i didnt say anything towards it because it was an ok emergency and its fine.)

i shouldnt be mad about this now. we did enough together, you shouldnt create such a drama. but i just told him what i feel about the situation and it always turns a negative way. i am afraid to tell him what i think in such situations... when i feel undervalued or something... i wanted to explain my feelings but he kept going defensive, that we had a great time together yesterday and so on. yes we had but right now i feel like i am secondary or a chore to be around. it stings and hurts. we go back and forth a little but he holds his opinion that i should have told them to hurry up on the phone. But my problem with this was, how unnecessary the talk was. we see his mom in 2 days and stay there for the weekend. he talked about things just to chatter. and they have proposed the goodbye 5 times until there was another thing to talk about. i just felt not valued and not good. i dont know if its my fault. if i am really such a drama queen as he claims. i feel hurt, my heart feels cold and stings. i really just wanted to tell him my true feelings but it always escalates into a fight. this time (which is actually a great achievement for me) i didnt cry as we were discussing the whole thing. after it settled down a tiny bit i went to pee. he says as i walk: "yeah go cry yourself out and maybe we can talk normally" (while he is the one getting defensive!!) i really try and explain my feelings in a neutral matter. its unfair. today after some hours and after feeling shaky for a while i just went to bed to let it out. i cry in bed right now and i feel a little better, but still not understood. i feel very mistreated and like i am of secondary importance to his life. i dont know how i should tell him this without him getting bonkers again.

we usually get along reaaaally well. he appreciates me, i appreciate him, we love each other we laugh and we are happy. just sometimes i cant talk about my feelings and if i do they get trashed, and he wont help me soothe myself or admit his mistakes... and in times like this i really want to cry because its so unecessary and you feel bad, i feel bad, lets tackle it together instead of headbutting ouselves and work against each other... please.

just wanted to rant. :( i need this off my soul.

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

Leaving This As A Reminder (11/7/23)

Hi Case. Been another few months since we've chatted and wow does my last post make me sad and shocked at how much can change in 5 months.

Lets quickly recap a friend update which is the shore unveiled some really disgusting truths about some of my friendships in this city. My "perfect" friend group i found was far from it and i dont even need to go into detail bc we are ok and we are healing.

I gravitated back to this channel because tomorrow i am about to reenter a healing phase and going to work on ending a relationship with D for the very forseeable future. While these past 10 or 11 months have brought us back together closer than ever, sometimes love doesn't conquer all. You two have tried your best (at least you have) to make something work, but in the end we've reached the last page of our story. He's not only become one of your closest ties in nyc, but he's taught you how to love, even when someone doesn't deserve it.

Over the past 10/11 months you went from convincing yourself that one meet up at a bar won't bother you and let him back in.. you just wanted to hear him out and get an ego boost that he still wanted you. You'd tell yourself its fine, I don't even like him anymore its just a hook up... but days and weeks and months went by and you fell right back into the trap, yet this time you had hope. Hope that there was a future, hope that maybe things this time were different. Hope that you finally cracked his code and could win the ultimate prize - being a girlfriend. But the second you hear that word leave his lips it felt...uncomfortable.

Maybe being in a relationship wasn't what you were searching for with him either - could it be that you finally just wanted him to want you? Because after months of actually experiencing the highs of being together (going to dinners, being invited to events, going out with his friends) you finally got a peek into a life together - but was it everything you wanted and more? Not really. There were still those anixous days of "is he going to text me today?", "why did he invite her to this event over me?", "why does he never ask me about myself", etc. etc. etc. There were also those tough conversations that led you to realize - Can this even go where I want it to go? D and you have very different ideas of where you are in 10 years. You want a family, you want to live near your family (CA), you love being adventurous and going outside and appreciating the little things. Of course im not saying he cant but he also prioritizes drinking, partying, staying out till 4am and in bed all day the next.. cmon case that isnt you.

While I can name many reasons why it wont work logistically I also want to remind you of how he treated you the past 3 years. He does the same thing OVER and OVER again. He leaves you uncomfortable for 24 hours and you have such crippling anxiety that it's all you can think about, you didn't eat for a day, you couldn't even focus on yourself/work. You can't even be honest with your parents because you think they'd think your a fool for being back together with this person who was only brought to their attention because of how much he hurt you that you were so depressed you had to just be honest.

If there is one thing I ask you to promise me is that please Casey you deserve so much more and there is someone out there who can give you so much more. D's patterns are never going to change - at least not for you. Because you are not meant to end up together. He served a beautiful story in your life that came with love, hurt, happiness, anxiety, and every emotion under the sun but it is time to pick yourself. I know the comfort he has provided you makes you feel so safe in a world where you don't always feel that way. But I am not only asking but begging you to choose yourself and walk away forever. There is the possibility that he comes back in 2 months time, but you need to not respond. PLEASE CASEY. I know one silly hi doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but it's exactly what got us back to here. I know you love/loved him, but its time to give that love you can give to someone who gives you 10x more back.

I know losing people is so hard for you, but losing yourself is worse and that is what is going to happen if you return to this. Your friends have begged you to walk away and i know its easy to say "you don't know him" or "you dont get it" but thats exactly why im writing this today. I do get it. I lived it. and I know I need to walk away and close this chapter of my life. I'll always hold a place for D in my heart and I do think he is my first love, but its time to find a forever love (especially in yourself first).

I am sorry if this came across harsh, but I love you. I am so proud of you. You are ressilient and have dealt with much more challenging things in this life and im sure another great challenge is just around the corner, but i'll just leave you with this...

If it doesn't challenge you it won't change you.

xx.

Casey

[cosettepontmercys]

Hi! It seems like the pattern of the smaller than bigger pattern of the rerecordings has been right so far. For a while, I thought she would end with Rep since it had no promo the first time but now I'm kinda seeing how debut makes sense and ending with her name too. I would hope it would get a lot more appreciation when the rerecording comes out! It was when I first connected to her and made me feel better about how lonely and weird I was when I was 10 and watching the Teardrops video over and over. I was stuck on the seasons thing too..since debut is more spring than fall to me but I guess we will see. With the vinyls, I know other artists do it all the time..but Taylor didn't do different covers or vinyls for other rerecordings and I think that's why I was confused. Unless she did and I didn't know about it..and I usually only get one anyway but I do like seeing all the covers. We saw the back covers today! Anyway are you excited about the 1989 vault songs?!!! I had fun solving puzzles with my sister and I'm surprised there are no collabs since I thought all rerecordings would have some. But I'm most excited for "Slut!" And Suburban Legends I think. I was very shocked by Slut and it made me think of Peron's Latest Flame from Evita..LOL. But the rest just seemed kinda similar to other songs already on the album to me..but I'm excited for them all! Maybe some are better than some songs on the album too! I'm also curious what they sound like..the titles all seem upbeat to me mostly.Especially since Taylor says the vault tracks are insane. I'm still planning to listen on shuffle but it makes me wanna start with the vault songs! We are only about a month away now though yay!

Hadestown on tour was so great! They were here again this weekend but I did already get a chance to watch it but I definitely would have wanted to watch again..and I saw some understudies I think or don't know if it's the same cast from last year. I honestly think it might be one of my favorite shows I've seen..out of maybe 8 to 10? cuz the set and effects are really noticeable in the show. I've never actually seen a show on Broadway though..just on tour. One day I hopefully will though. That could also be why I'm fine with most movie musicals too lol. I did actually see the Color Purple on tour and I wasn't very familiar with the show, so now that I am..I guess i'm just curious how it will be. I don't really have high expectations or anything though since it's not my fav musical..and I also wanna watch Wonka which comes out around the same time and has some songs. Compared to Wicked which I love, so I have high expectations for that but I do agree that more people from Broadway should be involved in them. Theater Camp has more Broadway people in it and that's why I'm excited to watch it too cuz it's like making fun of themselves a bit based on the trailer, and I hope it's funny. I haven't seen Molly Gordon in much..but I am hoping to watch S2 of The Bear at some point. I might start it since Im not watching any shows right now. As usual, I am so behind on watching movies, shows, and listening to stuff too. That's so cool your friend got to hear Mitski in a planetarium! I really liked some songs from Madison's last album and I think she is similar but has a different voice and style than Olivia but she's still good, but I'm only comparing them cuz they have albums around the same time I think. I will listen to Laufey by the end of the week.

I do agree about the Little Mermaid being too long..at one point my sister said why is it an hour longer than the original movie..and that's true. Some people really liked it though and I didn't feel that strongly about it. I barely remember the Cinderella movie but I think it maybe did the best job of being as similar or keeping the heart of the original movie..but it also didn't have any songs, which the original doesn't either. But the Brandy version does and its based on the musical and I think that was a pretty good live action too and felt a little different cuz of it. Or maybe the story of Cinderella just works better in a live action movie in general though compared to the rest.

I did not realize this month was almost over so ya I haven't been reading that much either. But I was honestly always planning to make the readathon last till the end of the year probably. But I guess if you wanna change a few prompts or come up with other challenges, that's cool too and just read what you wanna read. Sometimes I feel like it just makes me add more books to my list than motivating me to read more though when I try to find books that fit the categories. But I somehow found two more books about twins and one was for the witch category, and one seemed pretty similar to another book I picked for the challenge, and I have another book on there that's been on my list and they all have SA somewhat in the book and it wasn't on purpose really. So I can pair two at first and take a break and read the rest later. But reading right now is still Mistakes Were Made and Business or Pleasure..which i am enjoying a lot more now. The Ballad of Songbirds trailer came out and that made me slightly more interested in reading that book too and I should probably start it soon. Sorry this ask was more all over the place instead of more organized and it's very long. I hope you don't mind, cuz I do like talking to you but I get it if it's sometimes hard to read and respond to everything so back and forth all the time.

gooood mornin!! i would love for her to end on debut — there's something so symbolic about her ending on debut (but i also have a long list of songs i want as vault tracks). i also first connected with her during debut — i have very strong memories of being in my 6th grade art class (i had just moved to the states) and this girl, julie, asked me if i'd heard of taylor swift and i was like no! (i didn't really listen to a lot of music back then) and then i went home and went on youtube and searched taylor swift and fell down a rabbit hole. i love the back covers; i think they're so cute — i love how happy she looks in the blue one too! and i am SO excited for the vault songs!! i'm really intrigued by SLUT! (was thinking yesterday about the lucky one + nothing new → slut pipeline), "Is it over now?" and "Suburban Legends", but honestly i'm so excited for all of them! and i'm really intrigued by the fact that there's no features! omg i haven't listened to evita in forever, but now i'm in the mood to! we're so close!! a little over a month!

what is your favorite favorite show you've ever seen live? whether that's tour, or regional! some of my favorite shows i've seen live have been regional or tours! hadestown is up there for me, just with the lighting and staging and everything — i was really lucky and saw first preview of hadestown and i just remember clutching my friend's hand when we first saw the lights. it was just so ... special. (getting almost run over at stagedoor however, was not special). i also forgot about wonka — i probably will catch TCP + wonka at some point on streaming; i'm not in a rush to go see them in cinemas (and i have a busy winter) . i love wicked, but have very low expectations for the movie based on what i've heard/seen so far, but hopefully i will be surprised! we can be behind in listening to / watching / reading all the things together <3333

i didn't realize it was that much longer than the original! it did feel like it had some pacing issues and i'm trying to think about what's different/why there's an extra hour but i really do not know what they added? and yessss i love r&h cinderella (both the movie and the stage show) 🤍 i'm due for a rewatch of the movie — now that i'm down with bronchitis and i'm trying to cancel my weekend plans (very upset about my monday plans in particular) maybe i'll watch that!

ooh! which books about twins did you find? and i'm glad you're enjoying your books a bit more! no worries about the ask being all over the place — i love chatting with you! <3

[blackvail22]

she was in my dream last night.

i havent dreamt about her in a really long time... i havent really thought about her either

it was quite odd. in real life, shes an asshole. she has the loudest voice in the room, saying something self-deprecating 90% of the time, and the other 10% is full of her talking shit about someone. in my dream, though... something makes me miss her.

she showed up at my doorstep with a bag full of stuff. it was full of all the art i made her, all of the letters i wrote her. i finally have got it back... i was always afraid that she threw them out or ruined them in a fit of rage. even though i dont really like many of my paintings, the ones i gave her, i was the most proud of them. i also made her a collage, and i even created a book-safe for her. i would spend hours at night writing letters for her, pouring out my heart and soul. when i saw all the sutff, i started crying. in the dream, i never once looked at her. the only thing i remember looking at is her long, frizzy, curly brown hair. thats all i really remember of the dream besides walking on the side of a highway and knowing how to drive (but not knowing how to park?).

anyway i love this song

on another side note, im wishhh i healed from my surgery already. im so fucking tired of my throat hurting, it hurting when i yawn (and feel weird afterwards bcos of my stitches), not being able to eat properly, not being able to talk, my ears hurting!!!!!

im so tired of complaining about this!!! i want everything yo be normal and to never need another surgery for this again but ooo ill be surprised in 9 DAYS when he tells me all about the disease i had (AND DIDNT FUCKING JNOW ABOUT)!

im exhausted. im tired. i dont want to spend another minute more than i need to in my moms room. im tired of how my dad is talking to me (makes me sick) and honestly, im losing my goddamn mind.

i dont really want to go to work anymore. my new coworker makes me dread my job now. and theres something about my recovery that makes me feel like i wont be able to go back to work when i told her i could (happens every surgery ive had, even my knee scope) and shes obviously gonna schedule me that week BUT HOW AM I GONNA CALL OFF IF SHE SCHEDULES ME 7-8 HOUR DAYS 4 DAYS IN A ROW? HOW IS SHE GONNA FIND SOMEONE TO COVER THAT????? AND IM DREADING THE PHONE CALL ILL HAVE TO MAKE ESP IF I CANT FUCKING TALK STILL (i can its just very tense and i choke on every word lmao) BECAUSE HOW AM I GONNA BE LIKE (strained) "hey! its *cough* [my name]. i *cough*--exuse me--am una- unable to come in .... for another f-*cough* few days. i cant talk.... and my doc...tor told me to rest...for a few days...." LIKE HELL THE FUCK NO

i feel like i constantly have acid in my throat. the smell of certain foods makes me sick, the smell of my moms cigarette smoke gives me a headache and nausea that doesnt go away (its 1am, my mom went to sleep at 9 and smoked before then. i still feel like i just inhaled the smoke) i have sharp pains in my side constantly, as well as the right side of my chest. I DONT FEEL GOOD AT ALL. all of my problems could be because i havent really been eating but its because i really cant? i drink water... yeah, i drink water when i remember to. (my body is probably in shock because i usually eat a lot and now im not/barely eating now LOL idek if that can happen but yeah.)

imma stop ranting now. i just wish this next week could fly by and i had a wfh job

[strawberryybird]

happy 1 year to my government!au fic lol . can’t believe ive been Thinking Incessantly about this thing for a whole year .

i am saying this out loud where people can see it bc a) aint nobody else going to be proud of me about it so im proud of me about it. b) 2nd worst year of my life so far & i’m still kicking & swearing so it feels a little bit good to see the milestone happen.

anyway it’s been disgustingly difficult to work in character descriptions in a way that doesn’t sound like enoby dark’ness dementia raven way so to celebrate 1 whole year of fic writing here’s the background info on my ocs:

90% of this will never, ever be mentioned in the fic. like it’s all superfluous info to everyone who isn’t me. but here we go lol

amos amsbury: middle tier pegasus knight, black, fire emblem lordship blue hair in very close curls kept short. no jewellery to comply with the pegasus corps guidelines, but wears little pearl earrings on his off-days. knits all his own jumpers. allergic to shellfish. looks complacent only in relief of bunny & clara, but equally as ridiculous. he has 4 siblings - 3 older sisters & a younger brother. very close to his grandparents growing up, totally his grandma’s favourite child as he likes the same music as his late grandfather & she taught him how to knit/fibercraft. his family live 1hr30 ~ from the capital, but due to working ridiculous hours, he doesn’t see them very often. wanted to work with (winged)horses from childhood. has made knitted blankets for sister 2′s children but is making a quilt for sister 1′s new kid.

benjamin ‘bunny’ bunbury: the Prime Minister’s office assistant, tanned & covered in freckles, rib-length rose-colour curly hair he keeps in a half-ponytail or a bun with quills stuck in it. punctuated by gold jewellery (he’s fond of brooches and asymetrical earrings). dresses like a victorian dandy with a rolodex of embroidered waistcoats. ridiculous sweet tooth. disgustingly upbeat & very much a morning person, to the chagrin of the other 2. his mother was one of dorothea’s close  friends from the mittlefrank who died in the war. one of the conductors and his wife stepped in to raise him & dorothea felt an obligation to act as his godmother. she used to take him for ice cream at the port in enbarr. can’t actually cook food worthy of the name. went in for the heron cup at GM but came 2nd place.

clara chasuble: office assistant to minister von vestra, paler than parchment, deep purple hair - shoulder length, a bit limp, full fringe. wears glasses (shocking eyesight) with thin metal frames - squished rectangle shape. fastidiously wears matching silver stud earrings. wears office formal like its a school uniform - tie, trousers, blazer. lactose intollerant. makes homemade fudge with almond milk once a year (or bunny would not leave her flat ever). the one most likely to consider the consquences of actions, but not in a way that prevents her from being as equally ridiculous as the other two. she has 2 mums & 3 younger siblings under 10 y/o that she’s not particularly close with bc her mums won’t talk about the war inside the house. her family live south of enbarr proper, close to the port. earned an academic merit scholarship that would pay half her accomodation bill at GM, which is why she could reasonably affort to go. deputy head student of the beagle house in her cohort.

if the hair colours didn’t tip u off, they’re all bisexual (icons). and they’re hurtling towards a politically allegorical polyam triad. first and foremost they are shakespearian gravediggers before they are characters. to be in love with each other is the point of them. to be burdened with inglorious metaphors is the other point of them all. they’re supposed to reflect the relationships/foreign policies between each nation in fodlan: clara is supposed to mirror faerghus, bunny for leicester, amos for adrestia. the second point of them is to make ferdinand and hubert look ridiculous for hiring younger versions of themselves/their best friends, depending which way you want to look at it. i have a ridiculous amount of backstory for what are, ostensibly, political allegories. i think its all very funny. i am putting my intentions here just for posterity because it’s been a year & i’ve literally been planning endgame oc triad from ch4 and good god. i had to say it out loud.

where bunny & clara are effectively the derrivative of ferdinand-dorothea and hubert-edelgard, amos is the same blend of character traits from sumia and chrom fire emblem awaking. i deal *only* in references and intertextuality hahaha

[buttfacemcgee]

I accidentally got a job today without even trying or really knowing about it so I hope my luck rubs off on my mutuals ❤

[junipeach]

what if i just fucked around and came out on twitter

[bump1nthen1ght]

Late Night Favor (Shadow Monster x Reader)

Genre: Fluff, Urban Fantasy

Warnings: Explicit content up ahead (18+ ONLY), Oral, Fingering

Word Count: 4000 Words

Summary: A couple of small good deeds leaves you with a late night visitor, looking to repay a debt.

Request: "You unknowingly rescue a shadow monster and bring it home with you, after a couple days of lurking in the shadows of your home and recuperating it shows you just how thankful it is." I had this idea forever ago but was never able to execute it. My opening idea was that a few kids are shining flashlights at something, tormenting it, and you swoop in to save it and chase the kids away. You thought they were hurting a cat or something, but find nothing and head home.

What do you think? Would you like to take it on? I'd be honored if you would 😊

A/N: *Throws this into the street to appease for the fact I haven’t updated Out of the Woods in THREE MONTHS IM SORRY*

It was the perfect weather for a lazy day inside. The pitter patter of the rain on your window had almost lulled you back to sleep during breakfast, and the thunder had provided great ambiance for reading. You hadn’t bothered changing out of your pajamas and we’re enjoying a soap opera binge on the coach when the peace was disturbed.

At first it was just the sound of clattering trash cans, not uncommon from the alley outside your window. But then it was followed by the raucous laughter of teenagers, rocks being thrown against the concrete, and a sharp hissing.

You hoist yourself up and off the couch, meandering toward the balcony, expecting to see a bunch of kids fucking around; Maybe using the cover of the fire escape to hide from the rain and smoke some weed.

Ah, memories.

But instead, you see a huddled group of boys pointing a flashlight into the pile of garbage right by the dumpster. One of them picks up a pebble and throws it into the light beam, causing another hiss and a jerk of movement. The boys laugh even louder, the one on the right nudging the one with the flashlight.

“Dude, do it again!”

Flashlight agrees, quickly moving the light into another corner as the one on the left throws a rock in the opposite direction. A shape of pitch black hisses again, deterred by the rock and scared by the brightness. Your brow furrows.

“Hey!”

The boys jump, looking in all directions.

“What are you three doing down there?” They finally look up at you, messy-haired and bleary-eyed. They shrug and ignore you, one even throwing another rock, bigger than before. There’s a sad yelp as it collides with the blackness.

You grit your teeth, grabbing your jacket off a nearby shelf and yell again.

“Fuck off! Leave the poor thing alone!”

They all laugh insufferably, the way most stuck up teenagers do.

“Or what?”

You shrug on your raincoat, picking up the baseball bat you keep strategically placed by your couch.

“Or I’ll come down and make you, jackass!”

You kick open your  fire escape, slippers already damp, and start marching down the staircases. The boys get the message and run away, still jeering and laughing. Seems you weren’t as intimidating as you’d like.

You shuffle down the fire escape, slowing down as you approach the poor creature. You lower your back and peak under the dumpster.

“It's okay, little guy, I won’t hurt ya.” You set down your bat and crouch, kissing your lips as you hold out your free hand. All you see is a hint of glowing eyes, nervously peering out, before the dark shape disappears completely, hidden by the shadow of the dumpster. You’re tempted to sit down and wait for it, hoping to check if the poor stray was injured, but the wet concrete looks unappealing. The bottom of your sweats are already drenched.

You stand up, sigh, and go back up the fire escape. You unlatch the dusty pet door on your sliding glass balcony and make sure to leave a hot thing of milk and some water just outside. You ponder going out to get cat food, but the well-timed weather report tells you to stay off the streets. Slumping back down on the couch, you keep on eye on your fire escape, hoping that whatever it was, it’s okay.

--------------

The next day is sunny, the rain clearing away any air pollution and leaving blue skies to shine down through your window, waking you up extra early. As you sit down with a cup of coffee, switching on the news before starting work, you notice the empty bowls on your balcony.

You set down the mug, walking over to the door and checking the bowls. Seems that little stray had needed the refreshment, as both were licked clean.

You refill them, making sure to add  cat food to your grocery list.

--------------

After a long day of work, you’re feeling particularly domestic and decide to bake some cookies. Your brain is sore after staring at a screen for eight hours straight, a simple task like this is the perfect thing to keep it from melting completely.

You open up your window, letting the cool night air into your kitchen as you check  on your baking cookies. Wiping flour off your pants, you turn on the radio and throw a glance to your living room.

You had set up a tiny blanket pallet right next to your pet door, the weatherman’s warning of another thunderstorm tonight having you worried for your stray. Hopefully a full belly of milk will convince them that your house is safe enough to find shelter in.

But the afternoon is beautiful, not too cold and not too hot, only the slight tang of metal in the air hinting to rain. With a ding from the oven, you take out the cookies and set them on a cooling tray on your window. The smell of cinnamon and sugar wafts over you as you take a sip of your tea, staring out into the city streets. Small puddles still speckle the pavement, catching the headlights of nearby cars and flashy billboards.

A quick sound, something hitting your balcony door, that jerks you out of your reverie. You set down your mug and slowly peek out from your kitchen, wondering if you should’ve grabbed  a kitchen knife. But it’s just your pet door, flapping back and forth in front of two, now empty, bowls. Aww, seems your stray took a step inside. Too bad you missed it.

The gurgle of your stomach convinces you to take a crack at the cookies. If they were too hot, you could just wash them down with a nice glass of milk anyway. Maybe even put on a sitcom while you snack.

You lightly tap the top cookie; Warm, but not unbearable. Steam rises as you break it open, blowing in the middle and taking a tiny bite.

Fuck, good job _____.

They’re perfectly done, just soft enough to melt in your mouth. You grab two more, holding them in between your fingers as you hold the other half in your mouth. Maybe you could bring the batch into work tomorrow, give your coworkers a nice surprise. That is if you didn't have 10 tonight. But 20 should be just enough-

Huh, that’s weird. There's only 19, including the one still dangling out of your mouth.

You could’ve sworn you baked 20.

Well whatever. Your coworkers can handle not coming back for seconds tomorrow.

--------------

“Ow! Fuck!”

You bite your lip, trying not to yell out more curse words as you rub your stubbed toe. You limp to your kitchen, fumbling for the light switch to avoid another incident. All you had wanted was a midnight sweet snack, was that so difficult? You’d thought you could navigate your apartment pretty easily in the dark, but the pain in your foot says otherwise.

The light flickers as you finally find the switch, reminding you that you’re going to need to change the bulb sometime soon. But that's a problem for another day; Right now, it’s cookie time.

You don’t bother pouring yourself a glass or getting a plate, devouring the treat in three bites and throwing back a quick swig of milk. It’s almost midnight, not like anyone’s watching-

Oh, wait.

You slowly close the fridge door, trying to make as little noise as possible so as not to wake the little stray curled up, asleep. The little ball of black was snuggled into the pallet, tossing and turning. A flash of lightning cracks outside your apartment, washing your living room with light. The ball jerks in shock, the thunder afterwards only frightening it more, forcing it to curl up even tighter.  

You take small and light steps towards the tiny bed, not wanting to approach the scared beast too quickly. The room is lit up again by another lightning strike and the little stray forces it’s body backwards and away from the window. You crouch down real low, the small bits of light helping your eyes adjust to the layout.

“How are you doing, little guy?” You whisper, mostly to yourself, tapping your fingers against your carpet. Part of you wants to pet it, but think it might be better not to. No need to startle it. “Is the lightning scary? You can come to my room if you want, I’ll protect ya.”

Midst the black, you see two little eyes, little blips of light that open with another flash of lightning. But they aren’t yellow, nor are they slitted, nor are they anything remotely animal.

They're like the headlights of a car, blinding white with no definition at all. Not even pupils. You're startled, eye’s widening as the creature lifts it’s head. A long smile runs across their face, full of razor sharp teeth.

“Oh my, that sounds delightful.” They purr, and you find yourself losing your footing and falling back on your ass. Your fingers dig into the carpet as their body slowly begins to unfurl out of a ball and stretch into a massive form, as if their whole size had been hidden away somewhere else; Like it had been literally in the shadows.

You scramble backwards, breath picking up as the creature stretches it’s long limbs, colorless eyes still locked onto you as it stands up and up. It rolls back its shoulders as it sits on its haunches, its form still towering over you even when crouched. You notice the shades of huge antlers sticking out from the side of their head, only adding to their intimidating height.

The creature still has that terrifying smile, all canines and no molars, it’s unblinking eyes still staring deep into your soul.

You’ve heard people do weird things in times of high stress, of strong emotions, good and bad. Like the wires in your brains get crossed when trying to find the right response.

“Uh, do you want a cookie?”

You think you get that now.

The creature chuckles, a soft timbre that echoes unnaturally.

“No, dearie, I have already indulged in your confections. You see,” They creature leans forward, falling to its knees to crawl towards you. If it weren’t for the overwhelming fear constricting your heart, you’d almost think it was seductive, “You’ve done so much for me these past days, I think it’d be only fair if I helped you indulge in a far-” The creature’s face looms over yours, their arms caging your sides as they lick their lips, “-sweeter treat, yes?”

Your eyes search their face, trying to find signs of trickery or malice, maybe even some demonic sense of humor.

As if I’d even know what that looks like.

“Are you-” You catch a breath, now noticing the fine musculature of their shoulders, and the definition of their arms, “Are you propositioning me, like, for sex?”

The creature laughs again, their eyes crinkling up as they throw their head back. But when they look back down at you, you can almost feel the lust radiating off their gaze, details be damned.

“Yes, lovely, I am.”

You take your eyes off their face, a little too overwhelmed to stare directly into their blistering expression. Not to mention the blinding light which has begun to put red spots into your vision.

Instead, your eyes fall upon their thick thighs, the small tail waving behind them, and how unnervingly sexy you find the way their claws are digging up your rug.

You slowly move your head, catching the creature’s eyes.

“I-uh-I guess? Yeah, yeah I guess that sounds good. Um, what was your name?”

The creature smirks, a single claw tipped finger tilting up your chin, as they whisper,

“Nocter.”

--------------

Well, this is definitely the weirdest way I’ve gotten someone into bed.

Nocter’s antlers brush against your stucco-ceiling as it pushes you down on the bed, their shining white eyes staring deep into yours. Their lack of pupils is almost unsettling, but when they run their claws down your chest and pinch your nipples, you find it hard to care. You bite your lip, fighting back an embarrassing whimper as they trace one finger around the bud, pebbling the skin.

“Aww, has it been a while, sweetling?” You roll your eyes, but let out another squeak as they flick their thumb across your other nipple, the palm of their hand pressing against your ribcage.

“M-maybe.” You mutter, digging your finger into your bed sheets as their hands dance across your skin. One pulls up the bottom of your pajama shirt as it nudges one of their legs in between your thighs, pushing their knee up against your crotch.

“Don’t worry,” They push the fabric up to your neck, laying a kiss on the center of your stomach, then your chest, and then your jugular. When they plant one on your jaw, they lean in real close, “I’ll make sure to treat you right.”

Nocter’s long tongue splays against your jaw, licking a stripe up your cheek as one of their hands moves from your chest to the waistband of your shorts. They slip a couple fingers underneath, lightly petting the area right above your crotch. They’re such a tease, and you love it.

Nocter pecks the side of your face, over and over, while their hand moves further and further down your body at an agonizing pace. Their hot breath sends goosebumps down your neck, washing over your face as they exhale with every kiss. You catch them off guard when you turn your head toward them, catching their lips-mid peck and eagerly sticking your tongue outward. They purr with delight, their thin almost-lips quickly devouring you.

A long string of saliva connects the two of you as you detach, taking the time to shimmy out of your shirt. You pull them closer, your hands digging into their shoulder muscles and fingers just brushing over the long ridges on their back. They chuckle once again, pulling their fingers out your shorts and merely digging their palm into the fabric of your crotch.

“Eager, huh?”

“Shut up,” You mumble in between kisses, “This is for me, isn’t it?”

“Ohoho,” kiss, “Someone’s showing their feisty side a little early.” kiss, “What happened to my benevolent, saintly saviour?” kiss.

You pull away from their lips, quickly latching onto the crux of their neck and taking a nip. “S’not fair.” You say, taking a deep whiff of their skin as you suck and bite. They smell like brimstone and a bonfire, not quite what you 're expecting, but not unpleasant. “You can’t tease me like that and not-” Your cut off as the pad of one Nocters fingers presses up against your entrance, the fabric only amplifying the sensation as they begin to tease it.

“Deliver?” Nocter finishes, sinfully smug. You throw them a glare. “I’m a good guest, scout’s honor.”

You roll your eyes right before they lock you into another kiss, rubbing the pads of their fingers up and down your crotch. They use their hand to push you backwards, sinking deeper into the mattress as they situate their knees under your thighs. One they pull back from the kiss, your face and lips thoroughly debauched, your legs are splayed up on their pelvis and they easily slip off your bottoms. Nocter takes a whiff of your underwear, the crotch now slightly damp, giving you a wink before they throw it over their shoulder.

You jerk your hips slightly upward, and Nocter tuts.

“Patience, sweetling.” They roll a hand down your abdomen, fingers splaying onto your stomach, nails just teasing the skin. With a kiss to your inside calf, Nocters hand ghosts across your entrance. You can’t help biting your lip, the heat and their touch sending your mind into a frenzy.

They continue a path of kisses down your leg, now pressing their finger right up against your hole. They only pause to suck on their index and middle fingers, coating them with a heavy and blue-tinted saliva. Once they’ve reached the middle of your thigh, nipping at the apex, they sink into you.

Nocter’s fingers are long, articulated and move with sure movements. They start off slow, scissoring you open, simpering as you dig your nails into your bed sheets. The pads of their fingers push against your walls, just grazing sensitive spots as they make a slow ‘come hither’ motion. Your hips jerk forward, humping into their palm. They smirk against your skin, nipping another love bite as they retract their fingers until only the tip remains. You catch your breath, holding it until they sink back into you, shoving their fingers forward with far more force.

You whimper as their fingers pull back, only to follow with quicker thrusts. Nocter’s aim is pin-point in finding the most pleasurable spots inside you, the feeling only amplified by the pinpricks of their teeth into the fat of your thigh. The tip of their tongue licks hot trails of spit tantalizingly close to your hole, which clenches around their bony fingers. The slick sound of your juices, the skin of their palm slapping against yours, is downright pornographic.

Your legs try to clamp around their shoulders, the overwhelming stimuli triggering an instant reaction, but Nocter pins your right leg down to your bed easily, never losing focus on fingering you. The tips of their claws trace the inside of your leg, the hard edge of their wrist digging into fat.  Your fingers reach to grip around something, anything to keep you grounded as the knot in your stomach grows tighter and tighter. They find their way around Nocter’s left wrist; You’re almost afraid you’ll leave bruises, before remembering how sturdy every part of their body seems to be.

You let out a whimper as the crests of an orgasm seem to overwhelm you, nearly gasping as Nocter quickly removes their fingers. In any other state of mind you might have made a comment, look down and wonder why they’ve stopped. But the heat in your belly compels you to grip their wrist tight and to throw your hips upwards. With a desperate breath, you plead,

“P-please! Please, don’t stop.”

Nocter doesn’t chuckle, doesn’t make a sly remark about your neediness or your lewd movements. They lean forward, giving another kiss right below your navel, and pet your wrist.

“Of course, dearie.”

With a wink, they lean down a lick a long stripe up your hole, giving one last kiss to your leg before plunging their tongue inside.

You didn’t think it was possible for them to reach even deeper inside you with their tongue than their fingers, but the sparks which fly in your core say otherwise. The ridges of Nocters tongue brush against your walls as they flick the appendage back and forth, the tip pressing forward with controlled motions. It doesn’t thrash back and forward haphazardly, but reaches for those sensitive spots and plays with them.

“Oh, f-fuck!” You yelp, feeling an icy-cold liquid run down your ass. From the sound of smacking lips and muffled moans, it must be Nocter’s saliva. They let out a groan, pushing their jaw forward as their eyes clenched shut. The hand on your leg pinches skin as it tightens up, the other pressing your hips down, but the pressure they apply is phantom at best. Nocter seems to revel in your pleading humps for more, meeting each movement with a thrust of their jaw, the base of their tongue stretching you open.

The two of you keep that rhythm for what feels like an eternity, but is probably only a couple of minutes. Sweat drips down your chest and off of your belly, your legs muscles on fire as you continue to push upward and into Nocter’s face. You start feeling that impending wave begin to crest again, with your limbs shaking and your throat hoarse.

“Nocter, I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna-I’m so close!”

This time, Nocter doesn’t let up on their pace, reaching one hand down to deliver a hard slap on your ass and forcing a yelp out of you. Your speech devolves into slurred curses and your hands move to touch them, to find some grasp in reality. Nocter continues to suck and tongue-fuck your hole as your thighs clench around their head. Your humps are tiny and weak, your lower half barely holding itself up.

The knot gets tighter, a firecracker fuse about to blow in your abdomen. In the heat of the moment, your hands find their way to Nocter’s scalp and grab onto the base of their antlers. Their moan rumbles through you, right before you yank their head forward, their tongue hitting the deepest part of you as you shutter and-

“I’m cumming!”

Another moan vibrates against your hole as your body shudders and jolts, your hips still pressed firmly against Nocter’s face. But in the next moment, a heavy weight falls over your body, slumping you down onto the bed. Your chest heaves, eye’s fuzzy as Nocter’s tongue ‘pop’s out of you.

Your gaze wanders over your stucco ceiling, droplets of sweat rolling down your neck as you try and catch your breath. You can feel Nocter’s large hands rolling a massage into your thighs, their own heavy breathing brushing over your crotch.

A fuzzy shape of pure black comes into your vision as Nocter hovers over you, their body hovering just an inch above yours. They give you a small peck on the cheek.

“Feel good?” They whisper.

All you can do is nod, your shaky hands wandering over their back. There’s no sign of sweat on their skin, but you can feel the heat running off of it as they nuzzle into your neck.

As your fingers dance over the ride of their back, you can hear the rumble of a low purr coming from their chest, but they stay hovering over your body. You press your hands into their back, applying weak pressure to encourage them to relax.

“It seems I’ve repaid my debt.” Nocter murmurs into your ear, pushing themselves up onto their hands, pulling even farther from you as their eye’s look around your room. You keep your hands wrapped around their waist, stopping them from fully getting up. They look back to you, white eyes slightly widening.

“Would you-” You take another deep breath, “Want to stay? For the night?”

Nocter stares at you, the black void of their face almost unreadable. But when they run a claw down the side of your face, it burns with affection and longing.

“Would you want that?”

Your room is nearly pitch black, only the lights of the street peeking in between your curtains. Nocter’s body seems to absorb all light near it, their hot body like a heating pad. But their eyes are so bright, so full, so mesmerizing; Like a full moon on the dark city sky.

“Yes, I would.”

Nocter’s nods, their expression barely changing, but you think you can see a hint of a smile amidst all the black. They let their body relax, pressing their chest against yours as they sink into the sheets and nuzzle back into your neck.

You can smell the sweat coating your body and feel the way you stick to the sheets. Frankly, the both of you kind of smell.

But it doesn’t stop you from snuggling into Nocter’s body, eye’s heavy as you peacefully fall into sleep.

[creamiecoups]

anon : impatient mingyu smut!! a bit rough but the after care is the best!!

               ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

                           °•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

↠  summary :  all you wanted to do was finish your assignment as the due date was fast approaching, but with someone as annoying and persistent as your boyfriend, it’s going to take all your strength and self control to resist giving into him.

↠  pairing : mingyu x reader

↠ warnings :  smut, swearing, dirty talk, slightly rough sex, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, alot of fluff, and mingyu’s a bit cocky in this one ;-)

↠ word count : 3.6K words

↠ author’s note : anddd im officially back !!! yeah eheh...i know many of you probably hate me and im so so sorry i took so long :(( life’s been getting pretty hectic lately but do not think i wasn’t writing this entire time !! i do have a few unfinished requests that im still in the process of writing that i will start posting very soon....but for now, enjoy this one :-) 

(and please forgive me if there’s spelling mistakes its 2am i should sleep omfg but i will edit it properly in the morning)

"Baby, are you done yet?"

Your annoying boyfriend asked for the 7th time in the span of 10 minutes.

"I told you before, just let me study peacefully for at least an hour and a half....or just wait until I finish this god damn essay!" You huffed, attempting to blow the strands of hair covering your face.

He whined, grabbing onto your arm as you kept your focus on the bright screen of your laptop on your lap.

"Mingyu...you said you'd leave me alone until I finished this...I've written like one word in the past few minutes because you keep nagging me!"

"I'm not nagging you, I'm just trying to get your attention! We finally have a friday night to ourselves and your studying!?"

"Well I want to get this done, it's constantly worrying me and if I just finish this tonight I won't have any more worries," you said, sighing loudly as you turned to look at him.

"Then let me ease you up....don't worry, I'll have you thinking about other things if you let me...and this stupid assignment will be long forgotten," he whispered, before pecking your cheek.

"No thanks, I'd rather finish this first," you said as you pushed him away coldly.

"Oh come on!"

You closed your laptop a little too loudly, causing Mingyu to jump a little in shock.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he watched you place your laptop on the bedside table before getting off the bed.

"I'm finding something to entertain you so you'll leave me alone," you grumbled, grabbing the tv remote before turning it on.

"I don't wanna watch tv though...I wanna play with you," he chuckled, winking your way as you instantly rolled your eyes.

"Sex....really is the only thing on your mind huh?" You asked, mostly in bewilderment.

"Hmm....not really...there are also, a few other things," he pretended to think, as you shook your head.

"Well here's the remote...I really don't care what you do just don't make a sound and stop bothering me," you warned, giving him a glare before grabbing the laptop and walking towards the bedroom door.

"Wait where are you going?"

"I'm going to study out in the living room, your annoying me," I huffed, turning to look at him.

"No no, baby don't leave me here...I promise I won't bother you just come back," he sulked giving me a pout.

A long sigh left your lips. "Fine...but the minute you try anything, I'm leaving...okay?"

He nodded his head, giving you a cheeky smile as he pat the space beside him on the bed.

You hesitantly went back to sit down next to him, adjusting the pillow behind you before pulling the blanket up to your stomach and opening up your laptop again to hopefully finish this essay once and for all.

A few minutes passed and you were glad Mingyu had finally decided to leave you alone, as his eyes were glued to some variety show playing on the tv. His hands were on you though, his right arm wrapped around your waist while the other played with the drawstrings of your pyjama shorts.

But the happiness only lasted a while before you felt Mingyu's fingers start to play with the waistband of your shorts under the blanket.

At first you didn't pay much mind to it, being too invested in what you were doing, but then he grew bolder. His fingers slipped in and out through the gap seperating your silk shorts and your skin.

"Mingyu," You warned, as you typed away on your laptop, determined to finish this without him distracting you.

He didn't respond, and nor did his fingers stop.

"Gyu.....baby, I really need to finish this, please," you sighed fustratedly, grabbing his hand and pushing it away from you.

"I'm not talking though...I'm just touching you."

"Well your distracting me."

"So it worked," he mumbled before chuckling, making you roll your eyes.

"Just shut up."

"Personally I don't think you would be getting distracted that easily if you really were concentrating in the first place," he said, making you sigh.

"I am concentrating...it's just your doing things that would distract--"

"Just hurry up and finish what your doing, the more we talk the longer you'll take," he said, cutting you off as his hand found its way back under the blanket.

It was silent for a while, just the quiet sound of people laughing from the tv playing.

Suddenly you felt him pull your shirt up a little, before his warm hand made contact to your bare stomach.

"Yah Kim Mingyu!" you burst, turning to glare at him as his eyes were on the tv screen, ignoring your sudden outburst.

He turned around slowly, looking at you dumbfoundly.

"What?"

"Seriously...what are you trying to do?" You asked, as he creased his eyebrows.

"What did I do wrong?" he asked, blinking a few times with his big puppy eyes staring right at you.

please...someone give him an award.

"Just stop touching me will you? I don't get why your so needy today," you huffed, turning back to look at your computer screen.

"Well you haven't been giving me any sort of attention for the entire week because of your stupid assignments, and now it's a Friday and I can't take this is anymore!"

"Shhh I've heard enough, I need to concentrate," you sighed, deciding to just ignore his hand on your stomach for the time being.

You saw him smile as his eyes were back on the tv, his fingers now drawing circles and whatnot into your skin.

At first you didn't mind it, but after a while his fingers went lower and lower, until it started feeling tingly.

His fingers once again attempted to slip under your shorts, as this time you found yourself letting him do what he wanted, as long as he wouldn't talk and let you finish this.

You felt him cup your heat, making you bite your lip as your toes curled.

"Mingyu...not now."

"Concentrate on what your doing, I'm just playing a little, I won't disturb you," he shot, throwing you off guard.

But you decided to comply, being tired of fighting with him anyways since you knew it wouldn't get you anywhere.

His fingers ever so slowly rubbed you through your panties, making you bite your lip as you straightened your back.

Clearing your throat you decided to ignore it as much as you could, knowing he was doing it purposely.

His hand around your waist pressed small circles into your skin while his fingers pushed your panties to the side, making you stifle a moan.

You were suddenly aware of his every touch, knowing exactly what he was doing. He knew you all too well to know this was affecting you.

The smirk on his lips also showed that.

"Gyu," you whined, squeezing your thighs together tightly, stopping his hand from being able to do anything.

"Baby, relax, I just wanna touch you for the time being, until your done," he whispered seductively near your ear, causing butterflies to fill your stomach.

You relaxed your thighs as he took the chance to push his fingers directly to your clit.

You bit back a moan, your hands starting to shake against the keys on your laptop as he slowly started to rub circles into you.

"Can you....even remember the last time I fucked you?" He whispered near your ear, as you stayed quiet, hating how much his touch was affecting you.

"It was last Sunday, baby.....that's how long it's been....I had you on top of the counter in the kitchen, as I fucked into you and you told me how good I made you feel...you remember that? Hm?" He taunted, his fingers getting faster as you nodded your head.

"And then you gave me the best fucking blowjob ever...your pretty eyes looking up at me with your mouth full of my cock," he whispered, as you felt him prod his middle finger at your already wet entrance.

He groaned loudly, lips coming up to kiss the shell of your ear.

"Your acting like you don't want it, but your so fucking wet," he whispered seductively, as you let out a small whine by accident.

Mingyu chuckled as you bit your lip, cursing yourself mentally for making a sound.

"Give in princess...we both know you missed this just as much as I do...let me make you feel good."

You shifted uncomfortably, gripping onto the laptop tightly as he felt him slowly ease his finger into you.

You let the sigh fall from your lips as you heard him moan, loving the way your walls sucked in his finger slowly.

"Fuck...your so wet," he growled, as his finger in you stilled.

"W-Wait....why aren't you...m-moving," you asked almost desperately.

He looked towards you, a lazy smirk on his face.

"Well I don't want to bother you...so until your done I'll just keep you warm," he winked, making your blood boil.

You hated that he was doing this, especially when you had made it clear that you had to finish this today, but now you were craving for more. He knew you wouldn't last with his finger snug in your already aching pussy.

and quite frankly, you knew you couldn't either.

Trying to fight the urge to buck your hips, your eyes flew down to the screen in front of you, your unfinished essay looking back at you as you huffed in annoyance.

He shifted around, his finger moving in you making you clench around him.

"Put it away baby....you know you want me, I can feel you clenching," he whispered, placing kisses down your neck.

You shuddered at the contact of his warm plush lips against your neck, his finger in you moving everytime he moved even the slightest.

"Mingyu," your breathed out, unconsciously spreading your legs a little.

He chuckled darkly near your ear, "What's wrong babygirl....one finger not enough for you anymore?"

You nodded your head feverishly, making him smile devilishly as he added two more fingers. You sighed in content, moaning softly as he started to move his fingers.

"Of course it isn't.....you always need more, don't you? Need to feel full hm?....Well I think I can help with that....if you'll let me, of course."

"B-But...I-I need t-to...f-finish this," You stuttered out, biting your lip as you felt yourself getting wetter by the second.

"Mmmh...I know...but you can't fight this any longer doll...let's have some fun hm?" he whispered, his tongue darting out as he licked up your collarbone.

"Shit," you mumbled, as your finger ghosted over the power off button of your laptop as you debated on whether or not you should give in to him.

you needed to finish this, or you'd get your ass beaten by your professor come Monday morning.

"Put your laptop away princess," he heard Mingyu whisper, as his fingers went a little slower, making you bite your inner cheek in annoyance.

"F-Fine....j-just wait a while....l-let me finish this last p-para....p-paragraph," you stuttered out, making his fingers come to a halt.

"I said...put your laptop away," he said more sternly, voice full of authority.

His voice sent shivers down your spine, as you nodded you head hesitantly, before closing the laptop and placing it back on the bedside table as he pulled his fingers out of you.

"Lay down," he muttered, before he was pulling his shirt over his head.

In seconds he was on top off you, his lips crashing against yours hastily.

You finally gave in, kissing him back with just as much passion, as his hands roamed around your body, craving for more. You placed your hand on his chest, before your fingers trailed down to his abs, feeling every ripple under your touch.

It was true, you missed this, just spending time with him and so intimately, since all that's been clouding your head the past few days were piling assignments.

And now with him kissing, touching, and holding you so closely, you felt everything blur as the only thing you could focus on was him.

"Look at you being needy," he mumbled in between the kiss, making you smile.

"Shut up and kiss me," you whispered, before crashing your lips together with his.

You made out for a while, before he was pulling away to grab the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head with ease.

His lips attached onto your neck, as his hand snaked behind you to unclasp your bra.

"God I've been craving this all fucking week," he growled, throwing your bra to the side before his lips latched onto one of your perking nipples.

A soft moan left your lips, as your fingers thread through his hair, tugging slightly everytime his teeth grazed the sensitive nub.

"Shit, Mingyu," you whimpered, as his mouth trailed down your body, kissing your skin everywhere before he was coming back up to peck your lips.

"As much as I love taking my time with you...right now, I just wanna fuck you," he whispered near your ear, before he was pulling his shorts down along with his underwear.

"Not shocked, you've been acting so impatient all day," you chuckled, as he licked his lips.

"All that torture you put me through by making me wait.....I'll show you just how worked up you've had me."

You helped him pull your shorts off your feet before he was grabbing at your underwear. He ripped it into two, making you gasp.

"What the hell Mingyu! You could've taken it off like a normal person!"

"Like you said, I'm impatient today," he grunted, before he grabbed your wrists and placed them over your head.

His lips were back on your neck, one of his big hands holding your wrists while the other dipped into your aching folds.

"Fuck," he muttered, as he bought his wet fingers up to his lips, tasting you.

You bit your lip, feeling even more turned on by just watching him lick up his finger.

"Always tastes so sweet," he groaned, his fingers going down your body before they were playing with your folds.

"Fuck I really just wanna eat you out right now....but my urge to fuck you stupid is much more stronger," he whispered near your ear, his words shooting straight down to your throbbing pussy, making you moan softly.

You felt his tip tease your entrance, making you suck in a deep breath.

"Gonna fuck you so good," he mumbled, before he was grabbing at your thigh, spreading it further apart.

He slowly eased into you, both of you instantly moaning at the contact. He felt so hard and full in you that it had your body tingling and walls clenching down on him, making him grunt.

"Relax baby," he whispered near your ear before kissing your cheek lovingly.

You nodded your head, breathing in and out softly as Mingyu continued to kiss all over your face and neck, trying to ease your tensed muscles.

Once he was sure you were okay, he slowly started to move, making you bite your lip to surpess a moan.

"Ah, ah....what do you think your doing? You know I love hearing you," he mumbled, making you nod your head slowly.

You moaned softly, your entire body feeling like it was on fire at the pace Mingyu was going, making you struggle in his tight grasp.

"Baby...I wanna touch you," you whined, trying to free yourself out of his grasp.

He let go off your wrists, his lips attaching onto your neck as you sighed in content.

Your fingers ran through his soft brown hair, tugging slightly when you felt him hit the right spot in you.

"R-Right....there," You whined out, making him nod into your skin.

"I know baby," he whispered, grabbing your thigh before pulling it over his shoulder.

Your eyes rolled back at the new angle, as moans spilled out of your mouth, his speed increasing as he slammed into you over and over again.

"You really....w-wanted to sit and finish that stupid assignment over this?" he muttered, scoffing as he watched your mouth fall open, as you could only moan in response.

"Sh-Shit Mingyu....slow d-down," you stuttered out, knowing your climax wasn't far with the rate he was going.

He didn't respond as he kissed your knee instead, before his thrusts started getting faster and harder, making your widen your eyes.

"M-M.."

You couldn't even speak, as only moans seemed to pass your parted lips when he leaned down to leave open mouthed kisses all over your jaw and neck.

He put your thigh back down onto the matress before spreading your legs wider, as you felt your release quickly approaching.

"You gonna cum for me now? Milk all around my cock like a good girl?" Mingyu whispered into you ear, as he felt your walls cleanching down on his length in a vice-like grip.

You nodded your head furiously, your grip on his hair tightening when he bought his hand in between your hot and glistening bodies, before his fingers circled around your clit.

Your mouth hung open as you came around him without warning, your body starting to shake profusely as the pleasure took over your senses.

"Good girl," you heard Mingyu praise you, kissing your cheek lovingly as you gripped onto his shoulders tightly as he fucked you through your orgasm.

Soon after his thrusts started getting more sloppier, signalling you that he was close. Your lips ghosted ofer his ear, as you let your hands travel down his body, tracing and grazing every ripple on his clammy body to somehow help him get closer to the edge.

And it was when you pressed your lips to his neck, he groaned into your ear as you felt ropes of his cum fill you up, one, twice- thrice.

You moaned softly, eyes rolling back at the sensation as his pace slowed down, before coming to a halt before he was buring his face into your neck.

It was quiet for a moment, as both of your heavy breaths filled your shared room, befoe Mingyu pulled away to push away a few of your stray hairs that was sticking to your forehead.

"I love you...you know that right?" he asked, giving you a small smile.

"Why's the sudden softeness? Like you were totally not rearranging my organs like a freaking beast a few minutes ago," you couldn't help the words fall out of my mouth, as I chuckled.

"But I love you more, gyu."

Mingyu smiled widely, before he laughed, his voice ringing in your ear and sending butterflies flying in your stomach.

he really was, beautiful.

"Stay here, okay? Just give me a second," Mingyu said, making you crease your eyebrows as you watched him stand up.

"Wait where are you going?" I asked, watching as he almost ran into the bathroom.

"Just wait!" He shouted back, making you sigh as you turned to look at the digital alarm clock on your bedside table.

it was already late...and you knew you couldn't go and finish that assignment now, as all you could think about now was sleep.

damn it, kim mingyu.

"Okay I'm back!" Your boyfriend announced, coming over to you with a big smile plastered across his face.

"I have a nice warm bath waiting for us!"

"Noo....I wanna sleep," you whined, burying your head into the pillow as he placed his arm under your knees.

"Come on it'll be nice, it'll help with the ache...and plus I gotta clean you up," he mumbled, carrying you up bridal style.

You buried your head into his warn chest, sighing happily as he heard him chuckle.

"You're such a baby."

Since you were too tired to fight, you let him go on that remark as he carried you into the bathroom.

He slowly put you down into the bathtub, the warm water and calming lavendar fragrance instantly relaxing your muscles, as a sigh left your lips.

"Is it warm enough?" He asked, running his fingers thorugh the water as I nodded my head.

"Mhm, it's perfect," You mumbled, as he joined you in the bathtub.

He sat behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he bought you closer into his chest.

You sighed in content when he started to place soft kisses onto your neck, his warm plush lips sending a shiver down your spine.

"Gyu?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry if I really hurt you...about, you know...not spending time with you the past few days...it's just, you know me, when I really need to get something done, I tend to forget--"

"Shh, that's enough talking," he mumbled, cutting you off before you went on with your apology.

"I know baby, you don't need to explain, and why are you saying sorry? It's okay....I know you can get pretty stubborn sometimes."

You rolled your eyes playfully, as you felt Mingyu rub your back gently with a bath sponge.

"And plus...I'll always be here to make sure you have a break," he whispered into your skin, making you chuckle.

"Well now because of you....I need to wake up early tomorrow and finish it," you sighed, closing your eyes for a second to just relax under his touch.

"Hmm...so I have to find another distraction for tomorrow?" Mingyu asked in disbelief, making you shake your head.

"What about...you leave me alone tomorrow morning just until I finish my assignment...and as soon as I'm done...we can do whatever you want, I promise."

"Pinky promise?" he asked, turning you around so you could see his pouty face, before he stuck out his pinky in front of you.

You smiled wholeheartedly, nodding your head before linking your pinky with his.

"I promise, my big baby."

[faith--in-the-future]

MILAN 10/04/2022

(my first concert<333) ok im still processing and a bit in shock so forgive me if I forget anything but I'll just write a few words to remember the night bc it was AMAZING

ok so first of all enormous thanks to @tanktop-lou and her family for giving me a ride and being generally great!

then thanks to the girls I met in line that I spent the night with bc they were SO NICE, when we were in line there was a dad with a sign saying "I'm looking for a ticket for my daughter " and one of the girls had an extra ticket to sell bc her friend couldn't come but when she saw this guy's daughter was like a 13yo girl she just gifted it to her !!! so sweet!💖 louies are great<333

also the line was INSANE and considering I only waited like 2 hours we got a great spot in the pit !! but truly the line went all around the parking lot MULTIPLE TIMES!! let's just say there was A LOT of pushing and running once the gates opened skjdk

then we got in and everyone in the pit was pushing already lol and I left a few girls go in front of me bc I felt bad for being so tall sksj but then the girl behind me started to get angry at me and my ponytail (??) so I just turned around and ignored her ksjzkd

anywaysss OTP were good although basically nobody knew their songs rip but they still made the best of it and the frontman was very good and energetic! and he tanked and praised louis so many times 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (also the security gave us water ! and told us to not throw anything on stage)

then it was another 30 minutes before louis and the adrenaline (and sweat shsh) were saturating the air. it was great to see a lot of guys and older ppl there too! everyone was so excited and it was so beautiful to see such a big arena get filled by people who were there for louis!!

then the curtain came up and the first lights started shining and let me tell you... his intro his AMAZING like there's an instrumental bit and a lights sequence that just builds up the excitement so WELL and you can literally feel everyone's hearts beating faster ! then the curtain falls and everyone just SCREAMS and from there on its nonstop just SPECTACULAR performance, every moment every light every note every smile it's all just so perfect and so well thought out, it's truly an experience worth every single cent I spent (which weren't even that many tbh for a show this good). I LOVED the screens and the various effects he had on them and the fact that we could also see the band at times, Michael's happiness was truly visible on his face and Steve was just SO GOOD and a great presence, they compliment louis and his energy so well,

LOUIS was just..... beautiful incredible SO FUCKING TALENTED like genuinely there wasn't a single note out of place and his voice was either so perfect it sounded like the studio version OR even better than that bc he was adding high notes and virtuosisms to the songs, his high notes are INSANE like truly he has an AMAZING VOICE and it fills an entire arena so well, I will NEVER understand the people who told him his voice was too weak, it's so far from the truth!!! truly I kept my eyes closed for most of beautiful War bc I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest, and most people also stopped singing bc his voice was THAT beautiful.

also man I'm ashamed to say I had not fully comprehended just how much effort and physical strength goes into every show , I jumped around and screamed a lot but I also took breaks bc it's genuinely so exhausting and while I was in one of these moments taking a break It hit me that louis does and will do this multiple times a week every week for MONTHS like it's truly insanely hard, I don't think I'll be able to move let alone talk tomorrow, I have no idea how he does 3 shows in a row sometimes. I've genuinely gained so much more respect for him and musicians in general tonight.

back to the show, the energy was GREAT everyone around me screamed every word (except 7 which I was like come onnn people it's been years!! but it doesn't matter bc I screamed it all!!!) and louis was visibily SO HAPPY to play in such a big venue and it was just 🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖 the most beautiful feeling, also he was SO HOT!!! and everyone was just so in love with him. also he loved getting the shirts and hoodie and he pointed at a sign that called him a work of art<3333

my favorites live were probably beautiful War, walls, only the brave, through the dark and kmm , his voice in walls and beautiful War is SPLENDID and they're such beautiful moments, otb was BEAUTIFUL the whole venue was so pretty and the rainbow project came out so well!!! TTD and KMM are the perfect closing songs!!! SO much energy and everyone was using every single drop of strength they had left to jump and scream and we really gave it all !!!

and the pyros and silly strings are so amazing and a great experience live !!! it seems silly written down but they just add another layer to the experience and make it more tangible in a way, again everything was so well timed and thought out.

you leave the show truly understanding how much louis CARES and how much effort he puts in his work, he's truly an Artist and a Musician with capital letters and I'm just filled with joy at the thought that he'll get to do this and people will get to experience it for many years to come, I certainly can't wait.

louis, you were beautiful and you shine so bright, its no wonder why some people were always scared of letting you shine but you really proved and prove over and over again that real talent, real care, real love, really do make a difference ♡