#its personal! im embarasses! im uncomfortable!

[sereniv]

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[love4hobi]

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[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Hellooooo i wanted to ask what jeff, toby, nina and ben with a reader with 🍒 strech marks and if your not comfortable thats okay! You can do strech marks in genral!

Ive just been rlly insecure about mine😭

(Also i have no ideas about anons but can i be 🪸 anon if its open?)

Hello! I wouldn't say i was made uncomfortable by this request, rather, i feel like i wanted to kind of open up this ask to a wider audience! So i did end up just doing stretch marks in general. I would also like to say that I am very excited to write for Nina!! She's such an icon <333

Also, yes, 🪸 is open!

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeff

Jeff is the type of guy to find stretch marks incredibly attractive

When you are cuddling, he runs his fingers across the marks

If he can, he will kiss them as well

Whenever he greets you, say, if he was coming home from a mission, he would kiss your lips, and run his ands across the areas your stretch marks are on

Finding out that you are insecure about your stretch marks genuinely shocks him

Like wdym the stretch marks are the best part

But if it makes you uncomfortable, he will stop publicly giving you affection to those spots

That won't stop him from trying his hardest to convince you that your stretch marks are amazing

If you wear clothing that shows off your marks, he will ~strangely~ become more physically affectionate

It gets him so excited when you are confident to show off your body, but again, if you aren't the type of person to show off your body, he obviously won't be bothered by that

The way he sees it, you are the most gorgeous person on the planet and seeing you so insecure about something that he thinks is wonderful about you makes him sad

And so, whenever you're insecure, he will always assure you that he's here for you and that he will absolutely support you so that you feel comfortable in your skin

He also likes to bite them IM SO SORRY

Nina

Personally, I feel like she'd be indifferent to your stretch marks

She's more of a personality person anyways, so she genuinly won't notice your insecurities unless you tell her about them

When you do tell her about them though, she will go out of her way to hype you up

"OH MY GOODNESS Y/N YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL IN THAT OUTFIT I LOVE YOU!!"

"Isn't my partner soooo beautiful and perfect? They're so special, I just wanna squish them until their eyes pop out of their sockets <333"

"BABY. IM GOING TO EAT YOU"

She definetly experiences cute aggression

I bet you couldn't guess

She is a bit of a loudmouth, so if you want her to simmer down about it, she would try her best but in the end, she just needs to share her love for you with the world

I think the most low-key she can get is occassionally she will squeal when she sees you, and sometimes she will lick your face

No, i will not elaborate

She's gonna do whatever you wanna do when it comes to comfort

Wanna hide them? She's got the concealer

Wanna embrace them? She will literally worship you until you are all flustered and embarassed, giggling and begging her to stop

Just want some lighthearted comfort? She will sit in your lap and look into your eyes lovingly, kissing your nose occasionally and laying on your shoulder the rest of the time

Toby

He's so wholesome with it, bless him

He's absolutely the type of gyy to give your marks little nicknames

Bearclaws, Tiger marks, etc

He understands being insecure about them, as he is a very insecure person himself

And so, when you tell him about your insecurities he will comfort you in the way he likes to be comforted

He will hold you protectively, keeping his nose buried in your sweet smelling hair, and rubbing small circles around the marks

If you aren't in the mood to be held, he will lay on his stomach in between your legs, tracing the marks and counting them

Or if you just want to be distracted from your body, he will turn on some calm music, and ramble all his thoughts to you as you rub his head

Publicly he doesn't do much with your stretch marks

He doesn't want you to be embarrassed

If you want him to show more public affection to your marks, you'll have to tell him

He will oblige happily, of course

He will come up behind you, place his hands pn your hips and sway the both of you side to side, whispering into your ear how beautiful you are, how happy you make him, how much he loves you, etc

Definitely the best out of the list to have for comfort

BEN

Like Jeff, he finds stretch marks to be very attractive

Though, he understands if you are insecure about them

He teases you about it (lovingly)

"But baby they're so hot! What do you mean you hate them??"

"Aww come on, you're gonna deny me your full beauty?"

Most of the time, you will have to tell him about your insecurities whilst he plays a video game

He's listening, i promise, he just refuses to not play video games

If you are in a really sad mood though, he'll pause the game, and rotate the chair over to look at you

He'll beckon you over with a "c'mere", and as you stand in front of him, he will hug you and rest his chin on your lower stomach, looking up at you with a smile and kissing your hipbones

He'll talk to you softly, asking if you wanna sit with him

And as you sit on his lap, he continues to play his game, bragging to everyone on vc how gorgeous his partner is

He absolutely gets trolled for being a simp, but he knows you need it and above all, wants you to be happy

Publicly, he will also brag to people about how beautiful you are

Especially to Jeff since he sees him the most

"Oh my god dude, PLEASE shut up"

"You're just jealous you don't have a partner that's literally the most gorgeous person to ever exist. It's understandable, really. I mean, i know i would be"

"*stressed jeff noises*"

[things-that-weevils-do]

ive been turning these 2 around in my mind so so much lately... id like to share why i like them, so ill do so under cut :)

what draws them together? both of their traumas are part of them. neither of them are going to 'get better' in the expected way. they can learn to cope with their struggles, possibly get medications to help with that, but that's it. theyre similar in many things ('their trauma isnt leaving', both are suicidal "feeling suicidal/i wish i wasnt alive" "i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL"), neither like who they are as people "all the pretty girls make me not wanna be me" "do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?") and both of their songs are about their relationships with other people, even if its not the main theme

weevildoing said this about disposable girl. with chemical girl, its more obvious

this gives them both a deeper understanding of each other !! even though their traumas are still different, theyve got this similarity. they could talk about that, relate to each other, etc...

another thing that draws them together: their interests, id say! she was a skater girl she was a fitness girl, can i make it any more obvious... most of their hobbies arent the exact same, but they are at least in a similar vein id say - anime and gundam, skating and fitness, rap and megan thee stallion. they could easily enjoy each other's interest, i think!:)

what stands in the way? misunderstanding and miscommunication. i think that (when theyre first getting to know each other, at least) disposable wouldnt stand up for herself/tell chemical when shes uncomfortable/when chemical says something that upsets her ("being mistreated would at least mean im real" "that at least means youre someone that they wanna be around"). she'd feel like voicing these things would cost her her and chemical's relationship. i also feel like she wouldnt see this as something worth communicating, possibly

thatd be a problem in all relationships ofc, but itd upset chemical girl especially. she has a hard time forming relationships ("i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?"). she pushes others away so that she cant hurt them ("theres no point in getting close, leave me alone"). i think that if she and disposable got close, and she found out that it isnt communicating its feelings, shed be upset !! yknow ?? thinking that youve finally found a friend that likes you as you are, when in reality ur just hurting them with everything that you say... getting close to someone for the first time in forever, opening up, just to find that out would probs frustrate her

have an example of smth that i think that would happen when theyre first getting to know each other

i think they'd communicate this eventually tho:) yay yippee! im communication and im understanding🏳️‍🌈the girlfriends

what are their good traits? they want to be there for each other, to help each other grow, to understand one another!! like in "what draws them together?", they understand each other more than the average person. they could help each other accept this - like, its easier to accept people for things that you beat yourself up about, yknow? were more strict with ourselves than other people, its easier to deem someone else as deserving of love than yourself, etc etc... since theyre similar in many things, they could learn to love themselves while they start to love each other !! i hope that makes sense..

them sharing hobbies would be SOOO so cute!!! chemical teaching disposable fitness so that she has an outlet for her frustration, disposable teaching chemical how to skate... chemical showing it gundam, her figurine collection, disposable showing her anime, them listening to rap together.... it would be so cute !!!!! i think disposable would enjoy fitness, but would be embarassed by being bad at it/being slow/sweating a lot/etc. chemical would be cheering her on, proud of her for the smallest improvements... likewise, i think chemical would suck at skating. steps on the skateboard and it explodes. u know how it is

what makes them hopeless at romance? ARGHHH "what to do, when everybody that ive loved has only up and left me?" "im alwasy left out of everything" "nobody fuckinf wants me" vs "theres no point in getting close, leave me alone" "i dont think you should come by my place tonight" "nobody can keep up with me"... need i say more...

i think they should latch onto each other like leeches and never let go

thank you if youve read this far:) theyre so everything to me !!!! theyre sooo... god... shaking them!!!! arghrrrr!!! chemwaste!!! save me chemwaste!!!

(both of these poses are from mellon_soup)

[thatdeadaquarius]

I have recently come to the conclusion that if my Genshin Impact account was self aware, my Bennet would be slightly even more unlucky than a regular Bennet. This is due to my birthday and since its coming up I've been brainrotting for the past few days. Let me explain:

Bennet's birthday is February 29th, aka Leap Year. This means Benny only has a real birthday once every four years, which is bad enough. But according to canonical game lore, when he doesn't have his actual birthday, he celebrates it on the 28th.

My birthday is February 28th.

Now, I'd like to think that in your typical SAGAU the creator's birthday is a BIG DEAL. I'm talking festivals, parades, feasts, gifts exchanged between friends and family as well as gifts offered to the creator! The whole nine yards! An entire world partying from sunrise to moonset.

So with this in mind, Bennet's birthday would either be celebrated the day after the biggest holiday party in Teyvat (meaning everyone who attends would be all partied out) or during my birthday (meaning that everyone would be focused on ME instead of Bennet, which is just unfair! He can't even take pride in being born the same day as the creator b/c he was born the day after!!!!).

Anyway, if I was isekai'd to Genshin and worshipped as a god, I would simply give Bennet his own holiday. Poor kiddo deserves a win and if it takes me telling my acolytes quote, "Everyone will to celebrate Bennet's holiday. No exceptions, no excuses. And if his holiday party doesn't end up a success, I will destroy all of Teyvat and then myself. :3c" then so be it. That last statement is a joke, but watching everyone try their absolute hardest to give my adopted little brother the best birthday possible would be worth the fear of the vague threat of the world's destruction in the eyes of my worshipers me thinks.

If you add to this brainrot, please feel free to ignore that last part if everyone panicking over the possibility of apocalyptic destruction makes you uncomfortable. Likewise, don't rush this out by my birthday if you don't have time. I'm also in college and have multiple assignments due both before and after my birthday so I know this upcoming week will be hellish in terms of academics. So don't push yourself, okay?

So yeah. Thanks for reading! Hope you have a nice day!

JOKES ON YOU IM DOIN THIS FIRST BC ITS NEAR UR BIRTH WHEN I SAW THIS - HAHAHA (also timezones r wack so hope i timed it good enough for u lmao)

HOPE ALL UR ASSIGNMENTS VANISH / R SUPER EASY AND TAKE NO TIME AT ALL TO DO SO U HAVE MORE FREE TIME TO READ MY BIRTHDAY GIFT TO YOU ANON <3

Have a pretty miku hatsune gif <3

YEAH SO U ENTERED UR BDAY INTO GENSHIN U KNOW THAT RIGHT??

WELL SINCE THAT WAS THE BASICS OF THE GAME/AT THE START-

TEYVAT HAS KNOWN YOUR BIRTHDAY AS LONG AS LIFE HAS LIVED ON TEYVET LOL

◇

So if it's your birthday and you have been isekaied to Teyvat in time for it,

or been there for that long bc how does one un-isekai themselves?? anyway

and its like,, pandemonium.

bc idealistically u surprise these bitches around/close to ur birthday, so everyone's gettin in that festival mood and then BAM- itd be like if the spirits/demons showed up irl for Halloween randomly one year, like- ???!!!

so everyone's just

"well we usually have a lot of fun/praise the highest being anyway, hoping they'll hear us thru whatever barrier's between us (coughstupidcomputercough), but now... we've got to go harder than any century before guys, they're actually here, nobody panic, this isn't a drill- somebody fucking grab the champagne- "

◇

So for a second, imagine the sweetest anyone has ever been to you.

now imagine another person does something just as sweet for you, now add another, now add another, now add-

yeah i hope u got a hoddie so u can go to sweatertown when u get too embarassed/shy, bc the compliments??

"I really like your voice btw, this may sound strange but it was always so comforting pulling those all nighter for another akademiya project, and just hearing you joking around or humming, what felt like only for me or to keep me company ;) " - Lisa

"I hope you don't mind me doing this, as I wasn't trying to invade you privacy when I came upon this knowledge, but I thought it would make a useful gift. I know you were frustrated when you came here that there wasn't as much cosmetics so I used alchemy to aid your cause, this is some color changing nail polish-"

-Albedo has gotten u ur exact foundation shade, concealer, a skin clearing serum that works 100x better than any skincare routine u had going/or not lol, and if you dont really wear makeup or do skin care, he has a backup of all ur fav perfumes/colognes that u wish u had in ur old world (he heard u ranting abt wanting those scents/stuff u liked like cherries or sandalwood etc.)

◇

bc even if ur not the type to feel that way when ppl do things like that for u, i promise u will be by the end of your birthday week.

everyone in teyvat wants your first in person birthday to be perfect,

ESPECIALLY the allogenes, or the playable characters

doesn't even matter if your FTP and dont have a single character outside of the beginners,

(they all had access to things like your voice, your actions, your social media, yae miko may or may not have personally printed off enough copies of a book full of any selfies/pics with you in it to reach every corner of teyvat ahem, she means what- nothing at all my beautiful god-)

anyway that is to say, your birthday month is generally really bountiful, both in festivals and teyvat itself, regardless if its dead winter or scorching summer

◇

but for the sake of ANON'S BIRTHDAY-

You have now been forcibly converted into a Pisces - gasp - from this moment on,

ik tragic im an aquarius 😔,

Bc this is anon's Teyvat rn and we're just living in it

(genshincharactersaboutyoubelike-)

◇

You don't know which authority figure to thank first for helping organize your week so you can go to a different city's festival for you every day of your bday week, it must have been hell to make 💀

(rip ningguang alhaitham jean and ayaka/ayato yall will be missed 💧🙏)

U kind of worked ur way backwards actually from game release country's dates, like Sumeru, Inazuma, Liyue, Mondstadt

Bc when they asked if u had a preference u whole heartedly spoke up in front of a room full of arguably the most influential and powerful people on the continent, in the world really- well besides you-

"Mondstadt would be a great festival to have on my actual birthday! After all one of my best boys Bennett, also has his birthday that day too!" :)

...

.....somewhere in the Wolvendom wilds Bennett shivers with a bolt of anxiety,

Razor is confused and asks if he's ok, he gives a shaky thumbs up,

"yeah i just... got the scariest feeling.. like something bad's gonna happen on my birthday this week... haha probably nothing!... probably..."

◇

So everyone's been pretty chill and happy for Benny to be so favored/spoiled by you, esp since ur sharing ur bday (most ppl think ur a saint bc of this)

But for some pretentious assholes, who think traditions should be adhered to, they kinda dont even like the stuff ur changing-

"Oh well, if you don't just celebrate Benett's birthday with mine, and really anyone else who's bday is also mine, I'll just ruin your country ;) "

...

Some ppl get ur joking, like alhaitham would never believe u,

But these poor old fools, coughsagescough,

R just like-

"...an eldritch god is angry with us."

Needless to say u get ur way,

And poor Benny is just like, shaking in the corner, he can't tell if this is more unlucky or the luckiest he's been lol

(He's also one of the allogenes who did not rlly get ur joke lmao,,, also Itto💀)

◇

If your somehow not overhwhlemed by gifts and acts of service on ur birthday,

Benny is.

Benny is for you.

Lol, he's like gonna make himself sick bc he cant just say "No thanks" to all the ppl giving you food, but end up giving him some too by proxy

He cant even count how many candies and baked goods are weighing down his pockets

Oh did i mention you've just like, linked arms with the little guy and dragged him wherever Mond's citizens r dragging you for the birthday festivities :)

◇

While he was mostly just in shock all day, Benny does take the time to tear up and thank you for sharing your birthday*

(*both of your birthdays, u correct him all day)

Jean, Barabra, Diluc, Kaeya, Amber, Traveler, Razor Sucrose Fischl and Klee (and Varka + older adventurers/his dads)

are all super happy to finally see the poor kid get the biggest break ever for his birthday finally

Esp after they saw the last few... yknow... non-existant ones... bc he only has a bday every 4 years lol

◇

Nearly starts sobbing publicly when u give him a present for his bday too :')

And after you all do a big toast for an evening bday dinner, u hug him and he actually cries a little, and he squeezes u back super hard

"I always thought I was too unlucky to get a birthday like this, but I guess if even a god like you hasn't given up on me, I shouldn't give up on me either, thank you for the best birthday I've ever had Your Majesty!"

:')

♡

(Tho Klee did sneakily give u and him some of her best and brightest bombs as a bday gift, so he did get a little singed but he barely noticed lmao)

♡

I hope my ass writing/ideas was a decent bday gift anon! :0

I love Pisces sm, i hope ur bday was/will be incredible anon!! :) <33

Safe Travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[bonefall]

I’m not sure if you talked about it, but what do you think about A Thief in Thunderclan? I actually liked it, though it definitely had a few ehhh moments

Eh, honestly? Im kinda disappointed that James Barry had to go out on such a low note. I did not like it, it felt like a waste of time.

It wasn't like... offensively bad but I have very little good to say about it. It was fine. If you want to see more ThunderClan you can check it out?

(A lot of Thief in ThunderClan critique below the cut, I didn't like it much)

First of all, the mystery was just bad. I'm sorry. An owl? Swooping in at night for dead animals and leaving perfect scores in the dirt? It felt like a real "running out of ideas" type plot.

Brightheart was NOT fun to follow. She was uncomfortable for most of the story and secondhand embarassment is an emotion I really don't enjoy. Even moments that were supposed to be thought-provoking (like the Brambleclaw name confrontation) just felt like cringe because they were written so poorly.

Like, seriously? "Firestar why did you name Bramble after his father who disfigured me?" "Oh its because i uhhhh wanted to remind ppl of it so they would stop being reminded of it eventually" WHAT? That was a brainless enough choice when it was FIRST made, you can't fucking tell me any cat with a brain cell would go "wao... really makes you think... hngsociety"

I disliked the fact they decided to give Brightheart serious suspicion towards people like Longtail and Brambleclaw, I strongly disagree she would be like that. She feels so much to me like someone who would feel awful for doubting people she logically knows are innocent, and express to Cloudtail that it makes her feel like a bad person, but she CANT help it. She is such a kind, loving, and self doubting sort of cat... or, was, I guess? Or maybe it was never there at all and I'm the fool.

On that note? Her character arc was a mess. As much as I hate Shadow in RiverClan, I can say that Feathertail's arc was a competent *story*. Brightheart is having nightmares, suspects Bramble and Long of treason, is trying to figure out this mystery, trying to help train Rainpaw, the fact she resents not being his mentor is mentioned and dropped, she is pregnant... so much shit is going on and it feels absolutely unfocused.

And even worse, because it's overlapping with the beginning of Firestar's Quest, we end up having to Show Off The Continuity instead of telling a cohesive story. Oop Willowpelt died and Rainpaw is kind of sad about it! But wait we have to say bye to Firestar, make sure to squeeze in the Brambleclaw name confrontation before he goes! GO BACK Longtail has been blinded!! ALSO THE OWL! HERES WHY THE OWL WASNT MENTIONED IN FQ!!

And DUDE if there's anything that's a SERIOUS problem, it's Brightheart's stupid ass cutesy "look who's being USEFUL in here!" When blinded Longtail is helping out in the medcat den

First of all fuck you for the wording of that line! Second of all, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD that disabled people shouldn't have to find a way to be "useful" to belong to their society.

The fact we're getting a book from Bright's perspective as a disabled person and the whole thing is chock full of "useful" language as she struggles with PTSD makes the fact this is COMMON in WC sting so much more.

Anyway back to just, normal critique and not frustration with ableism in wc.

I feel like they really wasted Brightheart's family. I enjoyed finally getting Cinder and Bright hanging out as sisters, but we got a MENTION of Frostfur, and barely anything with her brothers. It's already a mess so why not go the whole way?

Ashfur also has his post-TBC personality retcon which absolutely kills me. Why do we need this shitty "foreshadowing"? Why do we need him to have been so obviously controlling and argumentative? Why are these writers fucking allergic to having a villain that people thought was nice and normal once?

NITPICK: if i have to see another cat gently picked up by a large bird of prey without at LEAST getting a cracked rib I will shapeshift into 10,000 crows and fly away forever

I have some good feelings towards it though, and I have to be clear, this is actually Ambivalent Bones. I'm only mad at the "Usefulness" rhetoric, the rest is just my normal amount of whinging lmao.

I do really like Cinderpelt and Brightheart finally getting some interactions. It's long overdo lmao

I like Cloudtail and Brightheart as a ship so it's nice to see them hang out.

Uhhh this is a bit of a backhanded compliment but I liked how she was upset at not getting one of Whitestorm's children to mentor? I don't like how it bodes for the wider narrative though, because we know this ends in her getting shafted FOR YEARS and unable to get an apprentice. But I liked the plot setup of her having resentment for Cloudtail because of this. I thought that would make a really good plot point for putting a wedge between them to work through. Like, stop being cowards, LEAN INTO Firestar making some very serious, insulting, short-sighted mistakes, and it interfering with Brightheart's ability to heal. Kill your darling.

There were some nice lines. I do remember Ashfur's lame "greedyclaw" insult, which was funny.

I enjoyed the cute moments between the cats in ThunderClan. Ferncloud chasing after her kids, Brightheart convincing people to help her investigate, the Willowkin being upset about their mom. It's a mess but there's some nice stuff in that mess, y'know?

Overall, my memory hasn't been kind to it. I think I was giving it a 6/10 when I first saw it, but it's dropped down to a low 5/10. Not (very) offensive but too messy and pointless to revisit.

[violentviolette]

Do you experience shame? I ask because I believe I have ASPD, and I genuinely. Do not experience shame. I can feel disgust at ineptitudes, and frustrated with failure, but I cant bring to mind a time that I've felt shame like other people display it. I'm just curious if that's related, and to what extent or how.

Thank! :)

this is gonna be one of those things thats both highly subjective and highly dependant on how ur defining "shame" and what ur ascribing it to definitions for emotions are very subjective and fairly personal/situational. some peoples definition of shame is closer to embarassment while others is closer to remorse. for some people shame is an inward emotion that makes them feel bad about themselves while for others its an outward emotion that makes them lash out at the thing at the epicenter of the emotion without ever considering themselves.

shame is also a very outward kind of self aware emotion, in that u need a certain level of ability to look at and conceptualize urself from the outside/others pov in order to feel it, so depending on how self aware u are, a lot of people dont think they experience shame because it never actually occurs to them to view themselves from that outward perspective, or because they devalue all outside perspective and deem it beneath them to consider it in order to avoid engaging with it compltely because its uncomfortable and upsetting

none of this is really tied to aspd directly per se, but it is more likely for ppl with cluster b pds and cptsd/complex trauma and therfore fairly common. it's more like, the more disordered ur thinking, the more self focused and divorced from others reality u are, the less likely ur going to be to experience emotions like shame, remorse, embarassment, ect. that require that outward self awareness. for trauma disorders like cluster b ones ur also more likely to be reactionarily defensive, which means that when confronted with an uncomfortable emotion, we project it outward and seperate it from ourselves in order to protect ourselves from feeling bad. so in places where a healthy person would feel shame, we feel disgust and anger that we then project onto others rather than ourselves. a lot of "why should i feel bad? its THEM that should feel bad. they're the ones doing something wrong, not me" kind of thinking

none of that is permanent/inherent or like rooted in aspd exclusively because it happens for lots of different disorders and traumas, so its very common depending on how deep in ur trauma or as i like to call it, how lost in the sauce u are. when i was younger and more self focused and less in touch with my emotions, and also when my mania is flaring and im therefore very delusional and unable to accurately view my actions from a more objective pov, i didnt feel shame. now that im older and more recovered and much more self aware, i definitly do and can also see some of the places where i was probably feeling shame previously, but wasnt able to identify it and was mistaking it for other more confrontational emotions

so its really interconnected with a lot of other things, lots of which depend on ur own personal trauma and how it manifests for u specifically and is therefore kind of a byproduct of all that other stuff rather than a root symptom unto itself if that makes sense. i hope that was helpful and feel free to come back and ask more questions or talk about it more if ud like or if any of that didnt make sense!

[group-call]

yeah no problem, i can try to be more specific. what are some things that are different for you because of your avpd/being aplatonic? can you have avpd and still like the concept of “friends” or some sort of community around you? is aplatonic just “i dont want friends, i dont like making friends” or can it be something different like “im extremely selective with my friends” or “i want friends but im too scared of rejection/being made fun of/etc so i dont bother making friends at all” i hope this helps!

- the anon asking about avpd

hi sorry for taking so long to respond to this anon we've been having a time mentally eughghj. anyways yapping below the cut. -ramlethal

avpd alone not taking into account aplatonicism and such, yes you can in fact like the concept of friends and community while having avpd. it is actually pretty likely that you do if you have avpd, the name of the disorder leads to many misconceptions really. people usually assume avoidant means as in not liking people or being averse or antisocial, when in reality it just refers to the main defense mechanism of avpd. which is. avoidance of even potentially uncomfortable social situations, avoidance of relationships unless the pwavpd is absolutely certain they will be liked and not mocked or shamed or embarassed, etc. avoidance to literally everything pretty much. it doesn't necessarily mean you don't like people or dislike the concept of company. avpd is just characterized by hypersensitivty to social situations, criticism whether constructive or not or perceived or literal, and therefore avoidance of anything that could potentially result in it, like social situations and etc. avpd is also pretty much always present with a belief that you are inherently inept (usually socially), "different", "weird", "odd", etc. in our personal experience we've found that we are more comfortable in social scenarios in which there are multiple other people/a group other than us so it's likely we won't be focused on as much because we usually just slip into a corner literal or metaphorical and go quiet and usually panic if we're ever involved in the social interaction. BUT avpd can be comorbid with other personality disorders that might impact how you feel about social scenarios combined with avpd, particularly szpd (schizoid personality disorder) & stpd (schizotypal personality disorder) bc they're all schizotaxic disorders among other reasons. and also npd is a common comorbidity because they use the same core defense mechanisms and beliefs. tldr; no avpd does not Inherently, Alone, mean that you have any particular dislike of people & company in general, but it is often comorbid with other personality disorders that do affect this like npd, szpd, and stpd.

as for the aplatonicism, we cannot speak for non-disordered aplatonics as our aplatonicism very much has to do with the fact that we are profoundly personality disordered so take this with a grain of salt and also generally because we do not speak for aplatonic people as a whole entire group. /lh. we are platonic/friendship averse and repulsed for the most part, we can enjoy talking to other people but its mostly because of our other personality disorder symptoms that make us very much eager for attention and validation. in our case we only interact with other people outside of our partner system to gain things like validation and other goodies that come from the occasional social interaction and such. any social interaction we have is never intended to become friendships and we are genuinely repulsed and disgusted by the idea of it, though we are fine with acquaintances and "mutuals". we do not experience any specific or particular urge to interact with specific people outside of the examples i stated and a few others i probably forgot to mention. thats our personal experience with it

it is also good to note that aplatonicism is a lot of the time associated with VARIOUS MANY OThER NEURODIVERGENCIES and things like trauma though it doesnt have to be. it can mean anything from just simply a person who considers themselves aspec for their neurodivergency and how it impacts their platonic relationships and the attraction to them, or it can just mean "yeah i just. don't feel anything for friends lol". the aplatonic experience is very vast. but we have heard other things. other aplatonic people we've heard have said that they are indifferent to platonic relationships and such and still have them but they just appear differently than an alloplatonics would, or being a complete loner as a result of aplatonicism and not feeling any urge to connect or connection to people and being averse to other people for whatever personal reasons that might be, and then we've also seen very loving aplatonics who are still very positive about platonic relationships OR who instead very strongly feel romantic, sexual, or a tertiary attraction "in place" of their platonic attraction.

aplatonicism tldr: aplatonic is a VERY VAST term used to describe a VAST WIDE ARRAY OF EXPERIENCES that are typically neurodivergent, disordered, traumagenic, etc. if you feel it fits you, use the term.

here's some resources we have for all of these

general apl stuff: definition on lgbtqia wiki, aplatonic masterpost, aplatonicism 101 on AUREA, this one is more a general aspec terms post but it's still cool

community, experience oriented apl stuff: r/aplatonic, our-aplatonic-experience, mlp-friendship-isnt-magic, aplatonicism (blog)

medical avpd stuff: avpd on wikipedia, all about avpd on psychcentral, avpd criteria, avpd criteria 2, avpd on healthcentral

community, experience oriented avpd stuff: avoidantrecovery's avpd tag, avpdvoidspace, avpd diagnostic checklist made by a tumblr user based on the dsm5 criteria, millon's avpd subtypes in more simplified language, rewritten avpd criteria by someone with avpd (HEED THE DISCLAIMERS)

*REMEMBER TO ALWAYS DO YOUR RESEARCH WHEN SELF DIAGNOSING AND TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT POTENTIAL DIFFERENTIAL DIAGNOSES THAT MAY MIMIC THIS DISORDER AS THERE ARE MANY. WE CANNOT DIAGNOSE YOU WE ARE NOT A PROFESSIONAL. WE ARE JUST A MENTALLY ILL SYSTEM OF HIKIKOMORIS WHO HAVE LIVED WITH AVPD ALL OF OUR LIFE

[da-gamingojichan]

Dick/Pussy Headcanons dropping when?

i wont lie guys i dont really know the variety of how genitalia can be different very well..... the most ive learned is when i went online and saw someone made a caard about their headcanons for the matusno brothers which included very detailed descriptions of each of their dicks (how i learned penises irl can have different amounts of curve) and their mental illness hcs (how i learned narcassism counts as a mental illness) and a bunch of other shit. but i have a little bit of headcanon for the characters i think a lot about

- germany has a penis that leans on the larger side and its terrible because he is never using it. its kinda ugly idk how because all genitals are ugly but he somehow has an ugly penis compared to other penises because germany is meant to be ugly to his core. it also turns super red like uncomfortably red (bright cherry red iphone 3) because i think he gets red really easily since hes freakishly pale. also his penis is abnormally sensitive but he doesnt know this because the only person to touch it is italy and italy has sex skills gifted by the lord so hes blessed because if anyone else gave him a handjob or blowie hed be like OWWW IT HURTS STAWP STAWP TOO HARD!!!!!

- italy has the most amazing awesomesauce pussy fucking ever. his pussy and strap on skills induce the same level of peace and prosperity as the shit those monks that live on the tops of mountains are aiming for. he literally has a talent thats gifted by god and it is in fact RIGHTEOUS of him to be banging bitches left and right because he needs to share his divine gift to the world. and thats why its fucking hilarious that hes wasting all this raw talent and perfect sex on hetalia "premature ejaculation king" germany. the mf that literally cant recieve a blow job without overstim because he always finishes before his penis makes contact with le mouf. germany would literally like anything from italy and italy is the sex god thats been cutrently saving our world from the nymphojinn. italy is the real life huniepop protagonist and hes retired to never have sex ever because his boyfriend is fucking scared and when he does its over with in 2 minutes.

- japan has a small penis. japanese men grower not show-er! i believe that japan wants to top but he never will because he cant be deadass enough to assert himself and say he wants to. also because if he tops the ship name has to have jap in it (IM JAPANESE I CAN SAY THE SLUR) and i think thats awesome and hilarious but people dont like that so hes banned from semeing forever because its racist. but i believe in his head he is a total kinky otaku sex freak who wants to seme so bad and use a jillion million sex toys you didnt even know could exist.

- prussia also has a slightly below average penis and hes very very very very very embarassed about it he will never admit its small he goes NO ITS GREAT AND MIGHTY OKAY. he calls his dick his "beautiful gleaming white saber of justice" sometimes and everybody fucking hates it. also its really sensitive so hes really picky about head and it pisses romano off because romano can tell when hes faking being comfortable (but it also would piss him off if prussia said his head wasnt good enough) and because of that he gives prussia head everytime they bang and its painful and prussia dreads it everytime and is like hahaha you dont have to if you dont want to... and romanos like "SHUT the fuck up and lay down you ungrateful piece of shit" but slowly he actually gets really fucking good and prussia likes it because hes refined his craft but now because prussia likes it romano stops and only gives head when prussia begs and pleads because giving head is disgusting.

- romano has a pretty good penis like idk what makes a penis pretty good. but its pretty good trust me on this guys its nothin to scoff at the ladies would love it if romano got any ladies (never ever). its regarded as a handsome penis i think like wow thats pretty good! its pretty average sized, maybe on the smaller end of the spectrum and that makes romano mad and incredibly insecure even though it doesnt really matter since romano is actually just a grower not a show-er. but yeah its good.

- benson regular show has a 6/10 gumhole.

[hpdfag]

cope, ideals, kisses, and xoanon!! hi mutual :) !!

hello mutual hihi !!!!!!! :D

Cope: How do you handle your more unhealthy intrusive thoughts or urges?

honestly. i ignore them usually LOLOL ... i think it also helps that a lot of my more unhealthy urges i keep to fantasy. i fantasize about stealing hinata away from the world, about keeping him locked in our cabin all to myself, but i recognize in the end theyre just fantasy. i want to see him happy, above all else, and that overrides any of my more selfish desires.

Ideals: What would your ideal future or end game with your darling be like?

honestly .. i havent thought abt it much. which is embarassing !! im too caught up in the past and im only just realizing that ... my ideal future is one where im with him. and id follow him wherever that took me. once i'm out of the simulation, i want to finally get married. i want to be able to help him out more around the island. i want to plant a garden together, one just for us. i want to wake up next to him. i want to live.

Kisses: How do you act around or with your darling? Is it different from the way you act around everyone else?

im definitely more open with him than i am with others. he was safe, in a way that others never were. he understood me, and i didnt have to change myself for him. we're one in the same. not content to be bystanders. i felt more comfortable being myself around him, whenever he'd ask me to stop or slow down it wasn't out of malice, or discomfort, but out of care for me, or a desire to really hear what i was saying instead of losing it in the stream of words. im the most like myself when im around him.

Xoanon: How much do you revere or worship your darling? 

more than i could ever express. its hard not to put him on a pedestal, almost unreachable. he's like a god to me. if he wanted me dead, id kill myself for him. if he wanted me to live, id live forever. whatever he wants from me i want as well, because he's the one asking. he's wonderful. he's the love of my life. i don't want to make him uncomfortable but how could i not worship him? i think his hangup was that he always thought i just loved him for his talent. he couldn't be more wrong. he could be the most normal person in the world and i'd still love him. he's changed me, irrevocably. no matter what i'll love him for who he is. not what they did to him. he represents so much more. he's hope itself.

[br1ghtestlight]

I feel like I was asked this before but like what's your take on Jimmy pesto and him as a father? Like the pesto family, how do you think they're dynamic is cause we don't really see them as a family a whole lot

Cause me personally, think that Jimmy pesto is at least trying to be a good dad, he just messes up sometimes but like he does care about his kids, he's just crap at showing it. @amethysttheanarchist

you have asked this before and i have answered this before but i dont think i went into too much detail..... its an interesting relationship tbh and im one of the bob's burgers fans who doesn't actually think jimmy pesto is an abusive father. if he's a GOOD father is another conversation but i think he's trying!! in his own way!!!

jimmy pesto's characterization comes down to a lot of toxic masculinity internalized homophobia and insecurity which makes him defense and lash out at other people (obviously) he doesn't want to be seen as weak. and jimmy junior's dancing is seen as feminine and weak which is part of why jimmy pesto doesn't like it (i also think he just thinks its annoying and weird 😭)

his kids are all VERY different from him which makes bonding difficult bcuz they're so unashamed of being themselves and expressing their personality/interests vs jimmy pesto who has like 100 layers of interalized toxic masculinity to work through and he's not even CLOSE to doing that. if jimmy jr andy and ollie were more similar to jimmy pesto in their interests/personality i do think he'd have an easier time bonding with them and wouldnt be so cold

BUT IGNORING THAT i truly do believe that jimmy pesto loves his kids and wants to spend time with them in his own way. he was raised to believe fathers arent supposed to show affection to their kids or say i love you etc so he has a very hard time doing that stuff in public (in the water balloon fight episode he does say he loved andy and ollie but he looks embarassed/uncomfortable to be saying that around other people) for fear of judgement but when they're alone he does say i love you to his kids and maybe he even gives andy and ollie a little goodnight kiss. bcuz he DOES love them

andy and ollie are young enough that they'll take any love and affection they can get from their father but jimmy jr is in his angsty teenage boy phase so he gets pretty angry that his dad won't openly acknowledge he loves them or support their interests. yeah he'll attend their school performances etc but he won't say he loves them or he's proud of them in public. and it makes jimmy jr feel like his father is ASHAMED of him and that he doesn't love him enough to openly express that (for example like how bob does with gene) so he resents him. like even if jimmy pesto DOES love his kids does it even matter if he isn't brave enough to say or express that publically?? what is he so afraid of. is it something that andy/ollie/jj did wrong <- from jimmy jr's perspective. he's 13 and doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand his dads issues and how he grew up in society. he just sees a dad who's ashamed of his kids and doesnt like being around them!!

WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID...... i do believe jimmy pesto loves his kids (he has equal custody of them which doesn't seem like something he would do if he didnt want them around) and never for a second considered that he wouldn't want to be their dad or have them in his life. he knows his life would be 100x worse without them and (he would NEVER ever say this to them) they're his proudest accomplishment in life. he has his issues and isn't always the Best dad due to his own experiences with emotionally distant fathers and toxic masculinity but depsite that he's trying his best to be there for him

the last thing he'd want is for his kids to grow up without a father

[fecto-forgo]

Top 5 fave headcanons about Renfield let's go

RENFIELD YEAH BITCH!!!

5.the autism and psychosis ones get 5 only bc i think everyone following me knows i go with those for interpreting him lol.theyre nice and self indulgent and help me understand myself better (not to be cheesy but renfields angry outbursts help me feel better abt mine bc i only had a bad person irl as reference of anger issues and it made me rly uncomfortable i also had anger problems lol) and just make me happy <3

4.that he and jonathan would have become friends if they had gotten to 1.interact and 2.if stoker didnt believe mental illness is incurable therefore jonathan is neurotypical again and renfields just crazy.i just think they could have gotten along and bonded over the whole "male dracula victims hes implied to have drank on" stuff

3.also that he and quincey should have been friends ik quincey only spoke abt him twice but he did seem to have some level of concern for him that felt stronger than "lol crazy guy i feel a bit bad lol".im not sure how a dynamic between them could go i just think quinceys neat and renfield needs more friends (he has zero none nada)

2....i felt very self indulgent recently and started interpreting his quick attachment to mina among some other behaviors as some form of attachment issues.for complaints thats just sort of embarassing to self insert in please redirect yourself to my legal guardian and tell her to not give me this much mental illness next time

1.i remember seeing this one interpretation of his change of behavior when he decided to try to convince seward he was now sane to get out that took his speech being more formal and "normal" as him masking it which i rly like? i dont think his natural speech is as bad as itd get sometimes when he was talking to seward but i do think it's sort of more eccentric and openly emotional, its hard for him to control it when having delusional episodes because his heads too full of fears and bad thoughts™ (and dracula bluetooth communication mixing in).idk i just think its a fun take lol i get why ppl would see his speech change as him just being lucid now

also he 100% knows latin and philosophy normally (way more than seward would ever know) has nothing to do with the masking

[wkemeup]

If your still offering therapy advice, i could use it. How do you set boundries with someone with a victim mindset?

My grandma has a apartment key. And sometimes, shell clean the place. Now, i dont wanna sound ungreatful cause its a nice thing to do. But sometimes ill just get home from my parents or hanging with my friends and its spotless. No text or call asking if i wanted it clean, no saying "hey im in the area is it ok if i clean up a bit?" No nothing, its just done.

Now, before when she did it. She would vacum, do the dishes, maybe do my laundry (laundrys weird, she folds my underwear DONT DO THAT) but this time, she cleaned Everything.

I got back from my parents after recovering from surgery, its Spotless. I check my drawers, undies and bras are folded. Then i check my bedside drawer cause i have something embarassing in there and i hid it under pjs. I think theres no way shell look under the pjs and snoop. No :)

She organized the thing and folded the charger next to it. I repeat. She saw my fuckin vibrator and didnt even think Hmm maybe i should leave this alone and respect her privacy. Nah man she just kinda didnt do that. I call her, tryint to be discreet and say "hey, i really appreachiate u cleaning the place, but do u mind not going through my stuff, like my clothes n stuff." She starts crying saying she just wanted to pick some stuff off the floor so i wouldnt trip while im recovering. Cool, so whyd u do all that other stuff???? Idk i feel like im beint ungratful but bestie im 20 thats an invasion of privacy dont do that

Theres a bunch of other stuff she does that i dont wanna get into, but its kinda the same. Shell do something nice but its kinda weird then shell act like the victim when i say anythint about it. How do i make her stop? Its weird, im an adult i dont need her babying me and i espeially dont need her going through my personal stuff

I absolutely agree that there’s some lines being crossed here. It’s great that you were able to communicate that you were uncomfortable to her. The biggest thing to keep in mind is that you are not responsible for her reactions. You can only control your own. It sounds like you know what you wanna tell her, it’s just a matter of sticking to that request even when she starts becoming upset and turning it around and guilting you. Be respectful and kind, but also be firm and confident when you set that boundary. Depending on what you’re comfortable with, you can find compromises with her and say you’d still appreciate her cleaning the kitchen or vacuuming as long as she texts first but request she leave your laundry and drawers alone (for example). You would also be valid in asking her to not clean while you’re not home at all.

You shouldn’t ever feel like you need to hide things in your own space. And to feel that level of discomfort and uncertainty about whether you’ll walk through the door and discover someone had been in your home, even if it’s your grandmother.

You are not being unreasonable. This is an appropriate boundary to set. So again just be kind but firm when you speak with her, stick to your guns, and remember that whether or not she gets upset is her responsibility to manage, not yours.

Hope that helps ❤️

[ascendandt]

i think my mother is concerned at my social life. she asked me if i was doing anything for halloween and when i said no she did the mirroring thing she does when shes nervous. like im not too terribly pleased either but its embarassing when the person with 2 friends neither of whom are her age is uncomfortable

[ms-hells-bells]

okay so i just turned seventeen, but last year in may i was sixteen and back then i logged into this spam account i used to have that i abandoned, and i had a bunch of old msg's from my friends but i only answered one, it was from my old male best friend who i used to sorta date but the point is he asked me how i was doing, if i moved bc i hadnt been active on anything or answering anyones messages for over a year, i just said 'good' and kept my answers brief but then he said 'is there anything new with you?' and this is the part where i messed up bad, i couldnt take the pain anymore and i asked him to keep this between us, he said yes, and i told him 1. i got raped 2. there was a vid sent to me 3. i am 2m pregnant because i felt sick about telling my family, he was the first person i told just to try to make myself feel better and he said "Thank you for telling me" and left it at that

this is seriously fucking haunting me, sorry if im dramatic but looking back i think he definitely told his friends, he was uncomfortable, or didnt care and whenever i sleep at night i get reminded of it and i just feel so awful inside, i dont know how to make myself feel better and i couldnt take the embarrassment of messaging him on that exact account so i used another one of my spams and told him happy birthday a few months ago, he said thank you hes thinking of me blahblah but (not that its a big deal) he didnt even tell me happy birthday and i feel like he doesnt care about me or the times we had, i thought maybe he didnt know what to say (bc wtf is thank you for telling me???? or let know know if that was a normal reply and these paragraphs are not a big deal) but then i had to remind myself that okay, he's twenty and he was probably uncomfortable especially because we hadnt talked in 1year+. of course i apologized bc it was kinda trauma dumping on him but im so embarrassed how do i overcome it, should i delete the messages??? i think that could help but im also too embarassed to reread them i feel like i should kms the humiliation is unreal

i thought time would fix it but its been 9 months. time did not help me. if you dont have a solution ty anyways and im probably going to delete the msgs once i can bring myself to log in

first of all, i'm so sorry that that happened to you, that's awful.

i think you really need therapy, you've gone through a terrible thing, and you feel extremely alone and terrified of being judged. he responded the only way he could to hearing something like that, i think 'thank you for telling me' means 'thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this' as it can be so hard to tell that to someone. a lot of people also don't like saying 'sorry' because it comes off as disingenuous, so i think 'thank you for telling me' is the best response he could have given in that situation, especially as an older male talking to you (16 vs 20).

i think that, though it'll be hard, you need to stop thinking about it. you confided in someone you had trust with, he responded in a supportive way, and you haven't brought it up afterwards, meaning there's very little chance that he felt 'trauma dumped' on or extremely uncomfortable (of course, it'd be uncomfortable to hear that, but that's a natural reaction out of empathy). you told him, that's it, it's best to move on. it's so hard to with anxiety, where you overthink everything that you do and say, and others' reactions, but i found that the best thing to do is just take things like this at face value. he provided the appropriate support an acquaintance would, you got it off your chest to someone, and you both proceed with the best path forward; he continues chatting with you casually when it comes up, given you're living different and physically separated lives, and you continue the process of healing from your trauma.

tldr: you did nothing wrong, you were vulnerable and needed someone to talk to. he responded a bit awkwardly, but in good faith, and is continuing to talk to you in the appropriate amount for a somewhat out of contact old friend. nothing to regret, it's just a matter of finding a proper outlet for you via therapy and support from people who are physically present and closer (personally) to you in order to healthily cope with your trauma.

i hope any of this helps.

[superchat]

hhhhhhhhhhhh

i dont really think i could find anyone with similar tastes like mine where itd be a healthy relationship, i think a lot of what i want is like. to get pushed past a breaking point or something. idk like, get bruised and cut all over and verbally berated iit all sounds really lame and dumb. my self esteem is prety low and i kinda jst want somene to push it lower. idk like more scars on me. bigger ones than i give, and have someone else give them tbh. the big one on my leg is still really red even tho it was months ago and i really liike that but taking care of it was such a pain and so sketchy and i was thankflly home alone but it was pretty bad and i need ot prep better if i do something that intense again a lot of times i just wanna resonate with someone really kind tho. i dont really resonate with anyone much tho. especially as of late. i def dont realate to family, and i dont really relate to friends at all. or online ppl, theres ppl i appreciate and think are really cool, or want the best for but idk. it jst kinda me out here in my bubble i think the fact that i have thoghts of all of what i wrote at all is embarassing and duumb and somethiing that makes me look kinda stuupid its becomnig more adn mroe apparent how odd i stand out to my family and i cant get over how often people tell me im weird, or ask me if im drunk or high when i was just getting relaxed like do i really stand out that much, does it make people uuncomfortable. sometimes i feel bad when im stuck in a situation with someone who has to hang out near or with me and its like. sorry im here dude, i hope im not making you uncomfortable. im uuncomfortable. i dont actally tell them that obv but i think abt it :uu annnnnwayssss iu just wanted to vent some and get things ot of my head for once. i think them all the time but when i put them into words i feel really stupiid. like "wow youre really like that huh, loser mentality"

on one hand im like "thisll ruin ppl perception of me and theyull just see loser mentality person and be creeped ot or something but idk at least they have better clarity abt me rather than anything else