#its so fun to have a character in conflict with their patron and the need to commit the horrors UGH i love it 🥀💕 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vyeoh · 3 years

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this is your chance: wax poetic about an Empires or DSMP character of your choice to a fan who is new to both. Explain why I should love them. I need guidance in this new and meme-populated land.

okok this is a lot of pressure haha. Spoilers for EmpiresSMP and DreamSMP below, obviously. I wrote a lot so prepare yourself, anon

I watch a lot of empires POVs but the ones I most anticipate every week are Scott and Sausage.

c!Scott (I'll call him Smajor for the sake of simplicity) starts off the series chilling, not really getting involved with the rest of the server, and staying aggressively neutral. After all, he's an elf. He has lived far longer than most of the other rulers already, and will most likely outlive them for many years. So, the best thing is to stick to his mountains and not get invested in the dealings of mortal affairs, maybe sometimes causing problems on purpose and dipping because what's life without a little spice right.

But then, this demon comes to the server, Xornoth. He's going around causing havoc and wants to send the world into an eternal winter, but he doesn't bother the kingdom of Rivendell much so Smajor stays tentatively cautious but ultimately unbothered. But then, the puzzle pieces start falling together. The first thing that the audience noticed was was Xornoth sounded like Smajor, but we mostly thought that this was just due to cc!Scott voicing both of them and there was nothing more to it. However, then, the people the demon starts possessing start chanting in elvish. The demon hates mortals, and the elves are conveniently one of the two confirmed not fully mortal races in Empires.

This culminates when Smajor stumbles across a cave that contains the backstory of the patron god of Rivendell, Aeor. Basically, there's two opposing forces, Aeor and Exor, and both have a champion. In a previous life, those champions were two brothers, where Aeor eventually prevailed and banished Exor. In this life though, the champions are - you guessed it - Smajor, and the demon Xornoth.

So now Smajor is like. Well fuck. It's my literal god-given destiny to be responsible for defeating this demon who is technically my brother, and if I fail the server gets plunged into an eternal winter. And I have no fucking clue what is happening because I've just been here on this mountain actively trying to stay out of the issues outside my kingdom. We watch him panic and teeter on the verge of spiraling for an entire episode, and when the followers of Xornoth go to the End to kill the dragon, releasing Xornoth's full powers, he fails to stop him. Smajor is a character who was used to being the smart one, the prepared one, the one who has the least deaths on the server. But he's also a character who runs away from his problems and ignores them. Before and during the dragon fight, we hear the desperation in his voice, as he's thrown into a situation he is wholly unprepared for, and it's bigger than him going to the Cod Empire to kill their king, or assisting in other people's plans to kill the codfather. He can't run from this. cc!Scott plays this scene so well as well, as I've said before, one of the best parts of Scott's acting is how he's never super dramatic, but he's so effective in the little things like inflection to make you feel, viscerally, the panic and dread.

So after the dragon fight, Smajor realizes, I can't do this on my own. I've tried and failed. So he gets allies. We watch him, someone who has so strongly been an isolationist, learn the benefits of allies and watch him learn to trust others and watch him learn how to get that trust in return.

My favorite thing about Smajor's characterization is that he's an incompetent protagonist, but not in the way of the "plucky young adventurer". He's capable skill-wise, and fairly jaded and very pessimistic. However, his issue is that up until recently, he did not care about the rest of the server at all, and by the time he learned to, it was way too late.

Also, in 3rd Life, cc!Scott and cc!Jimmy were canonically married and they reference it sometimes in Empires. Like, Scott goes over to the Cod Empire every so often both in and out of character to kill and/or flirt with Jimmy, the ruler of the Cod Empire, which may develop as a secondary plot into the future who knows. So ty Scott for giving the gays what they want o7

Now onto Sausage: his is a story of Icarus, his hubris and ambition being his downfall. He's one of the two followers of Xornoth, who promised him endless power in exchange for his servitude. He started the series being eccentric, but not outright unhinged, but slowly gets more and more extreme as the series progresses, as he gets brought more and more to Xornoth's side.

One of the best parts of Sausage's character, in my opinion, is how his gradual corruption affects the people around him. Initially, he got into a conflict with the Cod Empire and was allied with two other people in the Witherrose alliance. They were allies, but also close friends. The fandom liked to joke that the three had sibling energy, and I'm pretty sure the ccs played to that even more lol.

It was painful to watch the other two members, Gem and fWhip, watch Sausage get corrupted right in front of them, and see them desperately clinging on to this old idea of Sausage in their head because if they faced the truth, it would mean that their friend was gone. Eventually, they do finally cut him out of the alliance, leading him to fully commit to the side of the demon. Sausage felt very clearly betrayed by this, and declared the remaining two Witherrose alliance members to be enemies.

He gets more and more possessed, and we even see the other Empires, his enemies even, slowly realize that something is very wrong with the ruler of Mythland. He starts doing more and more evil things, like killing people more, making sacrifices to the demon, and eventually helping to kill the dragon to free Xornoth. So things are good for Sausage, for a bit. He won, and is more powerful than ever. Then he finds out: he's going to die. Xornoth's possession is slowly killing his soul, and eventually, his body going to be fully taken over and he himself is going to be trapped in the spirit realm. So how do you react to this? Over the next few episodes, we watch Sausage struggle between "the demon is literally killing me" and "the demon has given me so much, and I love it", all while Xornoth takes over more and more of him. We hear him exclaim that "don't worry!! I'm still about 15% there!" while trying to downplay every time Xornoth completely takes over his body. We watch him willingly oppose anyone who is trying to end the thing that is killing him.

My favorite thing about Sausage is that he is undoubtedly evil and proud of it, but he's also undoubtedly human. If you like to watch evil characters go absolutely feral, he's the guy for you. He makes the deal with Xornoth in the beginning, knowing and fully embracing the evilness of the demon, but at the same time he knows what he's doing is detrimental to both himself and everyone around him, but he's gotten in way too deep at this point, and to be fair the demon has held up its end fo the bargain, right?

Also, I would be damned if I don't talk about cc!Sausage's editing. Every one of his videos is like a movie. The way he does camera angles and uses music is so skillful- every lore scene feels like something out of a high fantasy action saga (think: LotR). Every big lore event I always wait in anticipation for Sausage's ep because his editing truly takes lore to another level.

I'm just generally very excited to see where this series goes. Empires is such a good mix of talented builders and good lore. Part of the reason why the series is so immersive for me, beyond any other lore smp, is that they have the settings to back it up. There is a certain charm to the DreamSMP's objectively terrible builds (with a few exceptions) but in Empires, the settings help sell the plot so much.

Another part of why I love EmpiresSMP is how much the ccs are involved with the fan community. I'm sure you've seen the memes about Scott being on tumblr, and Sausage regularly goes through the EmpiresSMP fanart tag on Twitter and likes art, even ones not related to Mythland. Most of the ccs, in fact, have brought up tumblr content on stream at some point or another. Like, several ccs have said that they read tumblr lore theories and hcs and stuff and sometimes take inspiration from them. Fun fact: Rivendell's church was inspired by my pinned drawing; confirmed by Scott Smajor himself. It's just such a good cycle of ccs and fans being excited about each other.

As for DreamSMP, I'm gonna be honest here, the only person I really am invested in in Technoblade. I started watching when he joined the server, and he's the only person whose lore I keep up to date with.

Techno's fun to watch because he's like the Deadpool of DreamSMP. Virtually unkillable, very skilled and scary, but consistently cracks jokes and breaks the 4th wall during plot. His POV is just fun. Like, he does wild plans and gives speeches and some of the stuff that happens to him should be called deus ex machine if it wasn't for the fact that Technoblade is the one who's doing it, and all the stuff is grounded in the fact that cc!Techno is just that good at the game.

However, the fact that he rarely takes anything seriously makes the few times Techno is 100% serious so much more impactful. His whole character has a basis in being perceived as inhuman and being treated as such, and therefore in return trying to hide his humanity. So, when he shows that humanity, whether that's fear, anger, or genuine love for his friends, it really makes you go "oh shit."

Techno's often said not to have character development, but I'd argue that while he remains steadfast in his moral code, he develops leaps and bounds as a person. Like, at the beginning, he's brought onto the server to help Wilbur and Tommy overthrow a government; them knowing he's 1) an anarchist and 2) very very powerful. His character was more of a plot device at that point and was treated as such in the canon. Wilbur and Tommy straight-up lie to him about their plans to establish another government after they overthrow the current one, while he was led on to believe that they were abolishing all governments in the area. But he isn't a plot device. He's a person, as much as he only shows the terrifying, blood god side of himself.

After the establishment of New Lmanburg (the new government its a long story), his friend Phil joins. And for the first time, we see him be fully human with someone and we see someone treat him like a human. Like, we saw glimpses before, with Wilbur and Tommy in Pogtopia, but Phil is the first person we noticeably see he trusts 100%. Then Doomsday happens, and Techno essentially retires to the tundra. During this time, we see Techno learn to be more human, first with Ranboo, then Niki when he establishes the Syndicate. In fact, the two of them, along with Phil, canonically throw him a birthday party, which is a far cry from his treatment in Pogtopia.

Techno's development is one of a god learning to be human, and I just think he <3

#vio.ask #empiressmp #empires smp #dreamsmp #scott smajor #smajor #smajor1995 #mythicalsausage #mythical sausage #technoblade #to be clear i am not an apologist for any character #i fully realize that they are doing wrong and I like to watch it happen #minecraft roleplay got be in full character analysis mode #long post

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livthedragon · 4 years

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Dream SMP Animal Rescue Center AU

The L’Manburg Animal Rescue Center (LARC) is a well-known institution dedicated to the well-being of all animals known to man. The facility receives animals from all over the world, and has staff fit for any creature that gallops, swims, flies, climbs, or runs into their care. With hundreds of acres of land at its disposal, the Rescue Center is equipped to care for animals that cannot be released back into the wild for as long as they may live. Come and visit with our season pass, or drop by anytime with admission tickets half off for the kids! Anyone 15 or older is welcome to come and volunteer their help towards these wonderful beings!

Alright, now that the official canon stuff is done, I’d like to make a few quick notes on pthis AU! First off, this was inspired by Dazenightmare’s Grocery store AU, so go check them out as well! If you have any idea or comments about this piece, the ask box is always open! Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and without further ado, I present my DreamSMP Animal Rescue Center AU!

-Liv💫

(P.s, I’ll be setting things up by showing the character’s official staff introductions first, and then my personal notes on them! This is how most things will be presented!)

Our Wonderful Staff!

Listed below is all of our fantastic employees, each with important and essential jobs to keep LARC running smoothly! If you ever need anything, they’ll be happy to help!

Even though they all have differing roles and places in the hierarchy, the staff have always been tight-knit friends, almost a family. But, like any family, they definitely have their spats! As I come to think of more stuff I might edit this, but so far the employees are Nihachu, Puffy, Eret, Philza, Fundy, Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Quackity, Techno, Ranboo, Purpled, Ponk, Awesamdude, George, Dream, Sapnap, Bad, Skeppy, Karl, Hbomb, Jack, Jschlatt, Foolish, and Ant. (Official names for introductions are Niki, Cara, Eret, Phil, Floris, Wilbur, Tommy, Toby, Alex, Dave, Ranboo, Grayson, Ponk, Sam, George, Clay, Nick, Darryl, Zak, Karl, Liam, Jack, Johnathan, Noah, and Antfrost, in the same order as above. These are the real names of most of the characters, I couldn’t do the ones that haven’t done a name reveal. (I didn’t change Wilbur because it just did not feel right) If there’s a character you wanted to see that’s not here I’m sorry, it means I just don’t know enough about them. (I’m so sorry Punz fans, I’ll add him eventually but I’ve never watched him before and don’t want to improperly represent him!) The minors (Ranboo, Tommy, Tubbo, and Purpled) are technically volunteers and not employees, so they’ll be presented separately. I mention the Regulars (regular patrons) a couple times, these include other MCYTs! So keep an eye out for special appearances! Sadly, SBI is not canon in my AU. It just didn’t make much sense to me as I tried to write it, but if you want to interpret them as family you can! (They’re still very close, so they act just like a family even though they’re not related by blood!)

Clay - Clay is the manager of our facility, and has run it for 3 years now! He’s proven to be a capable and fun leader, and you can often find him wandering about with some other staff members! If you ever see him around, don’t be afraid to ask him for anything!

Dream - Since Dream is the founder and main leader of the SMP, making him the manager made the most sense! He kinda has two ‘settings’, his official business mode for when he needs to handle serious work, and his more chill mode he presents when he’s just hanging out with everyone. He’s never really pulled the ‘I’m your boss so listen to me blah blah’ thing before, he actually prefers to emphasize that he’s on the same level as anyone else, just with a fancy title. He’s only brought out his manager mode when it comes to his employees a few times before, like when one of Tommy’s pranks went too far, and when George was slacking off just a bit too much. Other than that, he’s a nice guy who considers all of his employees his friends, but he’s often busy with ‘manager things’ as he says.

George - Our trusty head of security, George is responsible for keeping our guests safe! He’s in charge of things like security cameras, patrols, and safety regulations regarding people. He’s often found manning the cameras or patrolling about! If you ever get lost or feel unsafe, he and the other security members are always ready to help!

George - He sleeps. A lot. When it says ‘often’ manning the cameras, that means always. Always manning the cameras, and 9 times out of 10 he’s sleeping. He patrols like, once a day for the bare minimum time purely because he has too. The only reason he isn’t fired at this point is because he has uncanny luck. Every time anything comes up that he’s needed in he’s always awake, without fail. Every time a crime (not really crimes more like petty stuff, vandalism and shoplifting from the souvenir stands) happens he always sees it. No one knows how, because he’s always sleeping anytime else. Despite that, he’s a pretty nice guy that everyone gets along with, and does his job good enough to keep people safe.

Nick, Sam, and Cara - Our loyal security guards, who faithfully patrol and protect! It”s their sworn duty to keep animals and people alike safe, and can always be turned to if needed! They can be found rotating between the different wings of the center, and are glad to help with any issue! You can easily identify their signature blue uniforms!

Sapnap - Since George is nearly always ‘occupied,’ Sap is usually the one who handles planning patrol routes and shift changes. Although he can definitely be mischievous or a jokester at times, he does take his job seriously. He’s kind to the little kids that visit, and likes to give them tours whenever Ponk and Eret are busy. He’s loved among the regulars, and knows them all by heart. He’s pulled his fair share of pranks (most often with Tommy, Skeppy, and even occasionally Dream to help him) but he takes care to not cause any serious damage. Overall, he’s a prankster, but he loves his job and fellow employees.

Sam - Although he’s officially a security guard, he’s more like the resident handyman. Whenever there’s a problem with any electrical or plumbing systems (usually the fault of Tubbo, the poor kid breaks everything he touches) Sam usually handles it. He’s reliable, he doesn’t pull jokes like Sapnap does, but he can respect a good one. Despite being rather intimidating at first, Sam is gentle and can often be found helping Ant with the birds or Wilbur with the gazelles. He cares deeply for everyone, especially Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, and Purpled, and helps protect people whenever a Karen comes into the picture. He’s the one who helps elderly people cross the busy paths and gives directions to lost tourists.

Puffy - When she was first hired, people wondered why she chose to be a security guard. She was gentle and kind, and tried to avoid any and all conflict. But when a group of teens were spray painting the reptile house, it became obvious. Those kids not only volunteered to clean it themselves, but asked if they could help clean up garbage around the paths while Puffy stood over their shoulders. She’s been famous for her lectures ever since, and can even get Techno and Tommy under her thumb. Her gentle side definitely helps, and because she’s far less intimidating than the other guards, she’s the one who helps lost kids find their parents. She’s confident in herself, and shows it. No one questions her while she’s on patrol, despite being the smallest of the guards, she��s one of the strongest.

Eret and Ponk - Our lovely tour guides, they’re in charge of all the tours around the facility, from the reptile room to the butterfly greenhouse! Whenever you book a tour, one of these two will be in charge! They’re kind and energetic, and can be found with the scheduled tours all over our institute!

Eret - Eret is the more comedic of the two, often slipping in sarcastic jokes here and there on the tour. He’s not afraid to hide who he is, and he’s well known among the regulars for wearing extravagant outfits every now and then. Of course you always have the occasional Karen, but the moment one starts to approach him one of the security guards ‘conveniently’ needs his help. Whenever there’s some sort of event like a holiday or birthday, Eret is usually the one who volunteers to plan it. His parties are legendary, everything is always planned to perfection, and always runs smoothly. No one knows how he does it, it’s like he can predict catastrophe before it even happens. Tommy is mildly scared of him because not one of his pranks has worked on him, he always manages to get out of it (While looking fabulous, of course!) Despite his sarcasm and nonchalant behavior, he loves his job and ‘family’ he’s found!

Ponk - Definitely the more energetic of the two, he never seems to run out of stamina when he gives tours. He’s popular with the little kids because he gives out little stickers at the end of the tour, most often custom ones of all the famous animals. Whenever he’s off duty, he has a game he plays where he mixes all of the vending machine drinks together and sees who’s brave enough to try it. Sam is usually the victim, he has a hard time saying no to him! He’s been known to join in the occasional prank here and there, but never anything crazy (Like the famous Tiger incident, Tommy got suspended for a month after that…) He really cares about all his friends, and always comes into work with a smile!

Zak and Darryl - Responsible for running the various shops around our rescue center, these two are dedicated workers who can always be relied on! They’re always willing to lend a hand, and can be found at their respective stores! Don’t be afraid to say hi or ask for help!

Skeppy - Most definitely cannot be always relied on. I mean, he’s Skeppy, what do you expect? Whenever he’s on duty he’s responsible enough, but when off duty he’s even more of a trouble maker than Tommy! His stand isn’t usually as busy as BBH’s, so he has a lot of free time to goof off. He uses most of that time to plan pranks or tease BBH, much to his annoyance. Despite Skeppy always teasing him, he considers BBH his closest friend and would do anything for him. He’s faced his fair share of consequences and punishment, but he’s always managed to weasel his way out. He’s crafty and a troublemaker, but he’s also a good friend and a loyal worker when it counts.

BBH - One of the most loved members of staff, he gets along with everyone he meets. He’s kind beyond measure, and never hesitates to help. Pretty much the opposite of Skeppy, who often annoys everyone. But opposites attract, maybe that’s why they get along so well! Whenever Sapnap and George are busy, Dream usually turns to BBH for help and advice. Since the stands aren’t busy all that often, BBH usually helps out wherever he’s needed, he especially loves helping Wilbur with the butterflies. Like Sapnap, he also gets along great with the little kids, who love to hang out with him! Because of Dream’s soft spot for him, he managed to get permission to bring his dog, Rat, into work to ‘help’ him at his stand.

Alex - Alex is our responsible janitor and handyman, always ready for anything that could happen! He’s hardworking and kind, with a good sense of humor! You’ll find him wherever he’s needed, always willing to help!

Quackity - Like I said, Sam is more of the resident handyman, so Quackity usually handles the cleaning. He tried to fix wiring on the meat freezer one time because Sam was busy, but it did not… end well… he somehow flooded the whole room. The introduction isn’t entirely wrong, he is responsible and hardworking, but he’s not exactly ready for anything that could happen. It’s not his fault, it just seems that no matter how much he prepares some new problem he’s never dealt with before comes up. Like when the peacocks escaped, or the infamous Tiger incident. (When he saw the destruction that caused he just dropped his mop and said “I’m taking my vacation time now, fuck this”) He still has his sense of humor though, he enjoys yelling at Karens in Spanish to scare them off. He’s yelling about the weather, but they can’t tell the difference.

Karl - Our fantastic admission worker, he’s the first face you see when you walk in! He’s in charge of admitting all of our guests, and to answer any questions you have before entering! He can be found at his booth helping anyone and everyone!

Karl - Still had his signature good attitude and positive outlook, he’s probably the most willing to help people. Since he’s the only admission booth worker (Schlatt occasionally takes over, but he’s usually busy with his own stuff) he doesn’t get much break time in the busy season, but when he does he usually spends it with his friends. He’s goofy and kind, with a giggle that quickly got him loved by the regulars and everyone else he meets. On the slower days, usually in winter when the tourists aren’t around, he likes to sit everyone down in the break room and tell grand stories about different points in history. These tales quickly became enjoyed by even the most reluctant members, much to his suprise. He’s a very skilled storyteller, but he’s also very humble and insists he’s mediocre. He’s a great guy and loved by everyone around him, the perfect first face to see when you enter LARC. Recently, however, people often catch him stealing glances at two certain individuals throughout the day…

Johnathan - Our loyal help desk worker, he’s here for any issues you may have during your time at LARC. He’s here for anything you need, from booking tours to answering questions. Johnathan is in charge of making sure your stay runs smoothly and is as enjoyable as possible! You can find him at his desk all throughout the day!

Jschlatt - I have no actual reason for why he has this job I just thought it would be funny. Out of all the members of the rescue center, he’s the one who’s mastered the customer service smile and voice the most. He’s kind of had to, considering what his job is. Surprisingly, it isn’t as hellish as it would seem. Most of the time it’s just people booking tours or asking simple questions, which doesn’t require that much interaction. Dealing with Karens is a rare occurrence, but not unheard of. He just hits them with the “Lady, I am not paid enough to deal with this. Either go talk to the manager or ask Karl for a refund, now at least move aside so I can do my damn job.” He has a lot of free time because of this, but he’s not allowed to leave his post so he just plays Solitare on his computer and chats with whoever’s nearby. Even though he’s sarcastic and reluctant, he is a good worker and gets the job done. He rarely shows it, if at all, but he does care for all of his fellow workers and enjoys his job because he gets to be around them.

Phil and Liam - Our specialized veterinarians are equipped for any animal that needs their care, from elephants to bats, scorpions to dolphins. They’re both capable and experienced, and can be found wherever they’re needed to do their jobs!

Philza - Definitely a capable vet, he’s probably people’s first choice when they need help. He’s worked at a few other places before LARC, but he insists that this is his permanent job until he retires. Although he tends to focus purely on work when on the clock, when he’s off duty he opens up a lot more. He enjoys out with everyone in the break room, most of all Wilbur, Tommy, Techno, and Ranboo. Sometimes his wife comes in to volunteer for a day, much to everyone’s enjoyment. Since Phil is the resident dad, she was named the official mom of LARC and was given a very fancy cardboard crown. Despite his reluctant behavior on the surface, he can be passionate at times… rarely. Very rarely. He once chugged one of Ponk’s concoctions from hell and walked away unscathed, mumbling “I drink more caffeine on my good days, try again with an extra 10 energy drinks mate.” Ponk has practically worshipped him since, no one had ever been able to take any of his drinks before Phil. Overall he’s a good natured guy who loves both animals and people, but tends to avoid the public paths because it’s so crowded.

Hbomb - More of Phil’s understudy than an official vet, he’s still learning quite a bit. That doesn’t mean he’s not capable, he’s great when he’s working on animals he’s familiar with or illnesses he’s dealt with dozens of times before. This is his first job as a veterinarian, and he found it quite overwhelming at first. Despite this, he quickly won over his fellow staff with his charm and humor. When asked who his best friend is, he jokingly answers “Fundy!” While Fundy violently shakes his head no in the background. He’s relatively carefree, but he can absolutely get serious when his skills are needed. He’s fine with not being the go-to guy to help with the animals, he’s content with helping Phil whenever he’s needed and sticking to the sidelines.

Niki - Our lovely Marine Biologist, she keeps the aquarium and other aquatic exhibits running smoothly. She’s an expert in her field, and we can go about our days knowing she has everything under control! She can be found most often in the aquarium, but keep an eye out for her around other exhibits!

Nihachu - Because the aquatic exhibits are the smallest and have the least amount of animals, Niki can usually run it smoothly. She’s passionate about her job, and has loved animals since she was very little. She originally joined LARC purely for experience, but as time went on she just… never left. She has no plans to either, she loves the strange family she’s found, and the constant flow of new animals keeps her on her toes when it comes to her passion. She never really wanted fame or riches from Marine Biology, she chose to do it because of her love for zoology. On her off time she usually hangs out with Puffy or Wilbur, since their jobs place them near her area. She’s a lovable and soft spoken, but can be serious when needed. She more than pulls her weight in LARC, and has proved herself many times over.

Dave - A spectacular zoologist who specializes in predators and their behavior, Dave handles even the most deadly of animals with calm mannership. He has experience with every apex predator, and treats every animal he cares for kindly. He may seem unapproachable, but he’s willing to help anyone who needs it. He can be found all around LARC, but most often by the big predators.

Technoblade - He has proved the statement “Technoblade never dies” many times over. Many. Times. Over. He’s faced bears head-on with no safety equipment (which is not good, please use safety equipment when around wild animals) and come out unscathed. All of the permanent predators at LARC that can’t be released have acknowledged him as an equal, and accepted him into their hierarchy. Even the most aggressive of the big cats hold respect for him, but not through fear. Techno refuses to ever, ever use fear as a tactic to win over animals. He claims it’s not right to rule over other beings through fear, especially such regal ones. He takes his job very seriously, and hates his interactions with animals interrupted. (Tommy did it once and he swears to never do it again.) He’s very skilled, but he often gets put aside when the inspector comes around every 6 months because of his refusal to use required equipment. He may still be as serious and no-nonsense as ever, but he holds his friends close. He doesn’t like to be in the public eye, so he stays as behind the scenes as possible. Like Jschaltt, he doesn’t show it much, but he cares for everyone in LARC.

Wilbur - The counterpart to Dave, Wilbur is our herbivore specialist at LARC! He’s responsible for the majority of the herbivores in our institute, from gazelles to horses! You can find him all around our facility, and if you’re lucky you might catch him feeding the animals!

Wilbur - He’s the opposite of Techno in a lot of ways besides just his job. Will actually likes to be in front of a crowd when doing his job, and even got Dream to add an official feeding time for the popular animals so people could come see. His intentions aren’t vanity though, he just likes seeing how happy it makes everyone. Because he cares for the majority of the animals at LARC, he can often be found with Phil and the other animal caretakers. He’s especially close to Phil and Tommy though, and Tommy often finds ways to change his schedule to be closer to him. (Tubbo usually follows Tommy, and then Ranboo follows Tubbo, it’s a whole chain reaction.) On his off time he occasionally causes mischief with other staff, but he’s chill most of the time. He cares a lot about all of the animals he cares for, and makes sure to form a bond with each and every one. Every now and then he brings his guitar to work, and can be found quietly strumming it and humming along in secluded places. Sometimes he even plays it in front of the animals, much to their confused enjoyment. He might be carefree most of the time, but he takes his work seriously and has a close bond with everyone at LARC.

Floris - Floris is our resident field specialist, here to use his experience to help wherever he can! He’s often one of the first to see new animals or release old ones, and always does it with a smile on his face! You don’t see him as often as the other animal caretakers, but he can be found throughout LARC!

Fundy - He’s been all over the globe since he graduated, since he got to study under a rather eccentric zoologist. No one knows why he decided to work at LARC and not somewhere more recognized, but they’re not complaining. Whenever he’s on break, he likes to retail all of his adventures in a dramatic manner, but no one knows if they’re true stories or not. Sometimes he shows proof of his escapades, but most of the time he leaves it up to everyone to decide for themselves. But whether his stories are true or not, he definitely has the experience of someone who’s travelled the world. No matter the animal, he seems to know how to predict their behavior perfectly. He’s as excitable and loud as ever, but he loves his job and all the creatures he’s gotten to work with. Oftentimes he’s in charge of keeping tabs on animal behavior, so he’s the first to note when something changes or goes wrong. He has journals full of notes on different animals, both from LARC and his time traveling. He’s definitely passionate and dramatic, but he’s also a good guy that just wants to help animals.

Antfrost - A fantastic mammalogist, he’s been at LARC for a few years now and has proven himself as a great scientist. He knows how to deal with a variety of mammals, from the tiniest bumblebee bats to the biggest elephants! If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask him!

Ant - Like Niki, this is his first real job in zoology. He was out in the field for about a year and a half, but he was basically an errand boy for the bigger names he was working with. That’s not to say he’s not skilled though, he’s fantastic at what he does. He often asks Fundy for his notes on the various animals to get to know them better himself, and has read the majority of his journals. He was timid around everyone at first, but he gradually got close to his fellow staff. It was the same when it came to big animals, Wilbur had to help him during his first time with the elephants, giraffes, and other large mammals. But soon he got used to them, and now he spends most of his time with animals. He has no plans to leave LARC, he’s found that this job is more than enough to keep him busy and happy. He’s a bit shy, but when he opens up he enjoys being around everyone.

Jack and Noah - These two, although not often seen, and essential for keeping everything running like a well-oiled machine! From lending a hand wherever it’s needed to helping prepare food, Jack and Noah work tirelessly behind the scenes to make sure everything is a-ok! If you ever do spot them, they’re ready to help with whatever you need!

Jack - The more experienced of the two, he’s been working at LARC for a long time now. He can be mischievous at times, but he’s responsible and knows his job is important. He struggles a bit to be close to everyone, despite the fact he’s been at LARC for a long time. He’s acquainted with most of the staff, but he’s not sure if he can really call anyone a close friend. He does have a good relationship with Tommy and Niki, but they always have so much going on and often overlook Jack. He grins and bears it though, keeping his loud and comedic attitude. He’s often all business and work, but there are times he wishes he could just be friends with everyone, and envies the very social members of staff like Quackity and Tommy. He may be a bit distant from everyone, but he still gets along with them… at least that’s what he always tells himself. He’s a bit stubborn, but overall a good guy who’s willing to help

Foolish - Foolish has only been working at LARC for a few months now, but he’s already made quite a few friends, both animal and human. When he’s working he tends to stick to himself, but when on break he enjoys hanging out with others and having casual conversation. He actually has a little corner of the break room for his hobby, making mini-models! He’s very good at it too, he has an intricate Egyptian setup that everyone likes to ogle at every now and then! Every so often he stays after for a bit to work on them, and no one has the heart to disturb him when he gets into it. He spends a lot of time with the animals, especially the aquatic ones. He seems to be drawn to the aquarium, and he’s often caught staring at the ocean tank. He’s positive and high energy most of the time, but he’s not to be underestimated.

Our Volunteers!

Volunteering is open for anyone interested in working at LARC non-officially, as long as you follow our rules and are 15 or older! Our current volunteers are

Toby

Tommy

Grayson

Ranboo

This is subject to change at any time! If you’re interested in signing up to be a volunteer, contact us either through our official website or our in-person help desk!

Volunteers aren’t allowed to be up close to any of the large or dangerous animals for their own safety!

We hope to see new volunteers soon!

Tubbo - He breaks. Everything he touches. Much to Quackity’s dismay, who’s often stuck cleaning it up. He doesn’t mean to break things, he just… does. Despite being quiet and even shy at times, Tubbo is without a doubt the most chaotic person in the entirety of LARC. He doesn’t pull off jokes or pranks like Tommy and Skeppy, he just subtly radiates chaos wherever he goes. He and Tommy are in charge of helping the westward wing (The area with the Africa, North America, and Insect House exhibits, as far away from the Aquarium as possible because Tubbo will break everything) and occasionally the Reptile House. A volunteer’s work isn’t exactly exciting, they mainly cut up and prepare food and do whatever Jack and Foolish are too busy to. Tubbo doesn’t really mind though, he finds the work rewarding and even fun at times. Even when the food he has to prepare is especially gross, some time helping Wilbur with the beehives always makes him happy.

Tommy - Oh man, Tommy… what problems hasn’t he caused? It seems that everywhere he goes he can manage to cause trouble, often roping Tubbo and Wilbur into it. It’s a miracle he hasn’t been fired yet (can you fire a volunteer? I don’t know) despite everything he’s done. He did get suspended for a long time after the Tiger Incident, but that’s the worst punishment he’s faced. He’s also not allowed to be near any of the people that come to LARC because last time he went “Vlogging” and scared away multiple guests. That was Jschaltt’s busiest day and he still has not forgiven him for it. He’s often stuck behind the scenes with Tubbo preparing food, but every now and then Wilbur, or even Techno if he’s lucky, lets him help feed the animals. When he’s off duty he can be found pestering Wilbur, Phil, and Techno or getting yelled at by Dream for causing problems. Despite being nothing but a troublemaker, everyone around him can’t help but have a soft spot for him. And on rare occasions, you can catch him leaving gifts for people to show his thanks for dealing with him.

Purpled - Probably the most laid back of the Volunteers, he’s actually allowed within 40 feet of the Tiger enclosure. (Although he has been known to solve problems by chasing people with a foam sword and yelling “Bedwars!!”) Since Tommy and Tubbo are usually on food duty, Purpled’s the one who delivers stuff to various places around LARC. This results in two things, no one ever being able to find him when they need him and him randomly appearing behind people when they least expect it. Seriously, he’ll just appear out of thin air to scare the shit out of you 5 minutes after you need him. He doesn’t even try to do it, he just… does, somehow. He’s a good worker though, and doesn’t complain much. He somehow managed to convince Dream to get an Xbox for the break room, and every break he gets he challenges random members of staff to a game of bedwars. He beat almost everyone without a hitch, except Technoblade. Currently they’re tied at 38 wins each, and Ranboo brought in a whiteboard to keep track. He may be a bit reluctant, but he likes LARC and can’t see himself leaving anytime soon.

Ranboo - Probably the most shy of the Volunteers, he tends to keep to the background and avoids the big, public areas. Because he’s the gentlest (and the most trustworthy) of the helping staff, he’s usually the one who gets the jobs involving animals. This usually includes helping Niki give the ducklings baths and feeding the deer with Wilbur, but like it says he’s not allowed near any potentially dangerous animals. He’s the tallest person at LARC (but by far the kindest) which results in him often scaring the animals at first, much to his dismay. Because he’s also on the taller side, Wilbur taught him a few tricks to seem less intimidating, which helped greatly. When he does open up a bit (usually around Tommy and Tubbo) he can be a bit mischievous and chaotic, but he knows when to stop. He hopes to become an official member of LARC one day, but for now he’s content with being just a volunteer.

Remember, LARC always welcomes guests, new or returning! We hope to see you soon!

Thank you guys so much for reading, this AU took me waaayyyyyy too long to write, and I’m psyched to finally have it done! I’d be super happy to answer any asks you guys leave, or any questions you have in the comments! Again, thank you so much, and I hope you enjoyed!

-Liv 💫

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ketchup-monthly · 3 years

Text

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

#ss d&d 2

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foulserpent · 4 years

Note

if you were to rewrite the romance mod to either an actually appealing mod or to a 'cishet but not fuckin weird about it' version, how would you accomplish that? what would you change?

oh my god almost everything

make it not wildly misogynist

make bishop nicer. not like a sweet niceguy but like have him genuinely grow as a person and have his teasing of you be natural and eventually friendly rather than patronizing and oozing misogyny

make bishop not a generic romance badboy . get rid of his stupid hair. make him less whitebread handsome. less edward cullen looking. make him look like hes from this world.

give your player character the full say in everything. theres so many like 2-5 minute long scenes where two annoying dudes argue over what you (your character) wants in a man and you never get to actually contribute to this conversation . you need to be allowed to make real choices. either make there be multiple romance lines, or if its just bishop you HAVE to make him likable

your character is basically just a prize to be won. it acts like youre a tough independent dragonborn but youre getting heckled and threatened and having to be rescued by this annoying piece of shit all the time. make it not that.

get rid of the sexual harassment

have fucking FUN adventures with the other suitors rather than “you encounter them. you go on a corny date. bishop and the dude get into a man contest for dominance and bishop wins”

make bishop shut up with his wolf dialogue shut the fuck up furry. im half suspecting that he turns out to be a werewolf but even then shut trhe fuck up furry

make the dialogue be how normal people speak. it can be thru a fantasy filter but please god its such a specific pet peeve of mine when people write romantic dialogue like that and this mod hits all of those notes.

even if its going to be cishet, it needs to not have like fucking feudal era conceptualizations of gender and sexuality. the “men are helpless beasts full of carnal lusts who who become ravenous at the sight of titty or whiff of pussy” thing is insane and has to go

the conflicts cant just be about jealousy. its not as if gay people dont get into jealousy drama but holy shit i swear to god every cishetero romance focuses on jealousy as its only source of conflict. or as something cute and flirty? awful

the relationship with bishop develops nigh exclusively through jealousy conflicts and love triangles which is literally agonizing. how about having fun together and looking out for each other or something

have it actually fit into the universe. they talk about your character being the dragonborn a lot but theres really nothing about this mod that necessitates being in skyrim and not any other fantasy game.

#anon

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loopy777 · 3 years

Text

Non-Review: Free Comic Book Day 2021 - The Legend of Korra (Also Featuring Avatar: The Last Airbender)

With all the hype around 'Suki Alone,' it looks to me like most of the fandom missed that an additional Avatar comic with a story from each cartoon's era was just released for Free Comic Book Day. You can read them for yourself on either Dark Horse Digital or Comixology where it's mislabeled as being for ages 17+ (free accounts are required for both), but I'm sure one of the reasons you all love me is because of my willingness to jump in between you and these comics like the deadly bullets they can be. Well, I'm happy to die (metaphorically) for the sake of (a little anonymous internet) love, so I'm doing a full snarky review for each ten-page story. Also, I'm bored, and it's more fun to make fun of mediocre stuff than to praise stuff I like.

It's time for me to review "Free Comic Book Day 2021 - The Legend of Korra (Also Featuring Avatar: The Last Airbender)" or more specifically "The Legend of Korra: Clearing the Air" and "Avatar: The Last Airbender: Matcha Makers."

CLEARING THE AIR

The cover makes this look like a story about Jinora and Ikki having a sibling conflict. That's a lie. The Air Sisters arguing is merely the inciting incident for Tenzin telling a story of his youth. I should note that, as inconsequential as the Air Sisters stuff is, it's actually written very well because it posits Ikki as a victim of circumstance and Jinora as a bully who terrorizes her little sister with threats of getting thrown in jail by Metalbenders for an accident, cementing the characterization from the cartoon. This is not sarcasm. I really do think Jinora is presented by LoK as a Holier Than Thou little snot who just so happened to be naturally gifted with magic spirit-powers, but for some reason the rest of the fandom doesn't agree with me.

Anyway, Tenzin comes in to find the arguing (and Meelo just running amok for the fun of it and so far these characterizations are perfect), and rather than telling Jinora to shut her stupid face, he delivers a tale of his youth about conflict resolution.

So the meat of the story is how, when Tenzin was "a few years older" than Jinora, a pair of vandals got onto Air Temple Island and burned some graffiti into the spinning-panel things that Korra will destroy out of frustration during her Airbending training. Literally, the vandals are depicted as scorching the wood with enough smoke to be seen across a plaza. Tenzin goes after the vandals and they flee across the bay back to Republic City proper (one of the vandals is a Waterbender with a surf-plank). Tenzin pursues, catches them, and attacks them hard enough to smash some dockside crates. They are all then arrested by Metalbenders and dragged before Chief Toph. She's going to let Tenzin go (yay Toph!) and throw the vandals in jail (YAY TOPH!) and makes this face, and this entire comic is worth it:

However, Aang arrives and instead arranges to forgo the jail-time in favor of an Air Nomad Conflict Resolution Ceremony. This is nice and in-character, but I'm totally with Tenzin that these vandals should have been thrown in jail. They literally burned insulting graffiti into antiques from a genocided culture. But instead, Aang demonstrates conflict resolution by having Tenzin explain why he's hurt and what needs to be done to redress the wrong. And so the vandals help Tenzin scrub the graffiti off the panels with water and rags and mops- how, I don't know, since they were literally burned.

They also do a ceremony thing where they each take turns bending their element into a central space between them to 'clear the air' (GET IT GET IT HA HA IT'S ALMOST LIKE A PUN BUT NOT), so it's a good thing they were all Benders because this is kinda racist. This fixes all the problems and everyone is friends. Yay!

In the present, though, things are not so nice, because Tenzin's kids are still screaming at and provoking each other. Korra comes in with Asami at the end to ask what's going on, and Asami says nothing, so I still think everyone is characterized with perfect consistency with the cartoon.

I made this sound silly, but (aside from the spinny-panels getting cleaned with a little water and elbow-grease, which doesn't matter because Korra will eventually blow them all up anyway), I actually like this one. It has Tenzin demonstrate how much he's always had to work to be the Perfect Air Monk that everyone expects him to be, and Aang acknowledges how this is unfair but that Tenzin will never let him down no matter what. It also has Katara come in at the end (for just one line, boo!) to acknowledge that this was an especially easy little conflict for Tenzin to practice on and he'll eventually face worse. I found it a nice adult moment in a story that's otherwise clearly aimed at 8-year-olds.

The art is good. It's simpler than the LoK cartoon, with flat colors, but it captures the story and has enough liveliness for everyone's character to come across in their look and body-language. The brief action-sequence where Tenzin attacks the vandals is well done, moving quickly but showing the full flow of the fight and every move Tenzin makes.

MATCHA MAKERS

Apparently, "Matcha is finely ground powder of specially grown and processed green tea leaves, traditionally consumed in East Asia" according to Wikipedia. I had to look that up. I'm curious how many people understood the full reference in the title, especially since these comics are aimed at kids too young to be allowed on the internet.

This is a very simple story about Iroh in his tea-shop in Ba Sing Se. He has an assistant/waitress named Feng, a new character who wears glasses, ruining the hopes and dreams of all the fanfic-writers who were so sure he'd rescue Jin from the Lower Ring. A frequent patron of the tea shop is an elegant, older lady (very clearly Upper Ring material) named Li-Mei, who cannot go a single panel without giving Iroh a HEY BIG BOY look. She is very clearly smitten. Also, I feel the need to clarify that she knows his name is Iroh, so apparently Ba Sing Se is okay with the Dragon of the West serving tea to their wealthy. I don't say that as a criticism, I'm just noting it.

That night, Iroh meets up with his friends- the Pokemon-style spirits that we saw in Legend of Korra. (I don't know if they're the actual spirits from LoK, or just new spirits in the same style. This is because I would sooner grind matcha into my eyes than rewatch Book Spirits.) He serves them his special blend of tea and talks about how he's totally into Li-Mei but isn't going to pursue it because he's feeling old and doesn't want to take a risk. At this point, I could stop describing the plot because between the title and what I've said so far, I'm sure you could figure out every single plot beat that will follow.

The next day, the spirits trip Feng so that she drops Li-Mei's tea and Iroh needs to bring a replacement, and they've drawn hearts on top of the replacement tea with foam or sugar or milk or whatever. I don't know because I've never bought tea in a place that will even put the bag in the hot water for me. Iroh gets out of the situation without starting any love-affairs and runs into the back to tell the spirits to knock it off, dudes, they're totally embarrassing him! The spirits respond by giving him a flyer for a romantic restaurant. I don't know how they got it, so I can only assume that some Upper Ringer had their mail diverted.

Iroh refuses, so when Li-Mei orders more tea and he brings it to her, the spirits hover just out of her sight and threaten to smash the furniture. I am not making that up. They literally threaten to smash Iroh's furniture unless he asks the lady out. He submits to their tyrannical threats, Li-Mei happily accepts the date, he happily accepts her acceptance, and the story comes to a close. Iroh thanks his spirits friends for opening him up to new experience, but hopes that next time (so I guess Iroh is signing up for Tinder after this?) they won't threaten his shop.

At best, I can describe this story as 'harmless.' But it's been a long week and I just got a bunch more extra work at my day job that I really don't want to do, so I'm going to go ahead and call this story 'dumb.' It's rote, leans towards humor without actually being funny at all, and turns the spirits of the setting into Pokemon. And not even the cool dragon kind.

The art is strangely stiff. The coloring is soft and nice, but the drawings seems more 'assembled' than actually drawn. I swear there are even a few panels that reminded me of 'How I Became Yours' with janky poses, horrifying expressions, and just enough resemblance to the original cartoon to make me think a screenshot was partially traced and then ruined. (I'm not accusing the artist of tracing, BTW. I wouldn't even condemn the artist for tracing if they did. I'm just describing that HIBY feeling I got.) It was so stiff that rather than hear Iroh's dialogue in Mako's rich tones, I instead imagined Greg Baldwin doing a stiff Mako-impression with no naturalism to the delivery.

This story is definitely worthy of its "Also Featuring" billing. I'd rate it below Gene Yang's Mai and Suki FCBD short stories, but above everything else he wrote for Avatar.

So there you go. Overall, this is very middle-of-the-pack for Avatar FCBD stuff. It's very much of the nature of the 'Team Avatar Tales' stuff, and I wouldn't be surprised if the Iroh story was a leftover from that project. On Free Comic Book Day, you often get what you pay for.

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gambithq · 3 years

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FAHYRST

Along the northeastern coast of Haelion, just beyond the permafrost that occupies the continent’s northern tip, lies the small city of Fahyrst. Though for most of the year Fahyrst is too cold to attract many visitors, its summers are temperate and comfortable, and it is commonly thought to be the farthest south travelers can go in order to see one of Haelion’s finest sights: the Night of the Endless Day. On the days surrounding the summer solstice, the sun in the north of Haelion does not set for five full days—and in Fahyrst, infamous for the carnival it holds in honor of the solstice, the celebration begins when the sun first touches the horizon on the first day and does not end until it sets completely five days later.

Fahyrst, it is said, spends most of the year preparing its humble habitats for the hospitality of the Carnival. As its greatest attraction, there is a massive increase of traffic to the small city for the festival. This means an influx of trade, of tal, and of intrigue: they say those who venture to Fahyrst for the Endless Night never get bored.

The city itself holds several possible sites of interest: an open-air marble temple to the city’s patron god Laimyre, god of winter winds, the healing of old wounds, and the melting frost; a tall tower from which people claim to be able to see the edge of the continent, though the veracity of this claim is disputed; and the wide fields of frost-flowers, a rare potions ingredient with healing powers, grown only in the permafrost and cultivated only in Fahyrst.

CARNIVAL OF THE ENDLESS DAY

The Carnival of the Endless Day is an elaborate celebration that has grown out of what was once a much humble festival. The sun provides unusual warmth for so far north in the continent and so close to the tundra, which means absolutely no one wants to be inside for as long as the sun is out and the weather is warm. The streets and plazas of the city are flooded with bustling excitement and joyous celebration.

Among these celebrations, you can expect to find:

COSTUMES: bright, colorful silk costumes are the traditional garb of the festival, light for the warm weather and elaborately decorated. merchants eagerly sell fine costumes in every imaginable hue, each brighter than the next, and anyone not in costume can be expected to be stopped frequently by those selling their wares as they navigate through the festival.

COCKTAILS: the city’s taverns throw open their doors and pour into the streets for the duration of the festival, with plentiful outdoor seating set up. to attract business, tavern keepers craft elaborate and colorful cocktails in floral flavors to serve to anyone passing by, some swearing magical properties to the drinks, others with elaborate showmanship—drinks set on fire, drinks with flowers growing inside the glass, drinks that exude puffs of pink smoke, each more over the top than the next.

BLESSED BEADS: some say that the Carnival of the Endless Day was not always a festival centered around the idea of luck—there used to be a winter solstice festival famous for such, long ago. and yet, luck is what many people make their way to the Carnival for these days, those looking for a little extra fortune purchasing strings of blessed beads—colorful glass beads with small flakes of metal inside them, crafted by the priestesses of Laimyre in the temple, a skill unknown to anyone outside the temple walls.

DANCING CONTEST: a two-day long dancing contest occupies the central city square, free for anyone to join. tradition states that the longer you can dance without falling, the longer your luck will sustain you for the year to come.

SOLSTICE LOTTERY: for the low price of a small donation to the temple of Laimyre, you are granted the chance to blindly draw a glass bead from a large jar just outside the temple, with each color representing a fortune for the new year. red beads mean conflict, friction, growth; white mean neutral fortune, a steady and reliable year; silver means good fortune, a little extra tal in your pocket and perhaps a fortuitous encounter or two; and gold signifies great fortune, the kind often reserved for kings.

PERFORMANCES, PARADES, AND OTHER SPECTACLES: great outdoor stages are erected around the city for musicians and other performers to entertain upon, and often the crowds from these performances spill back into the streets and move through town. from almost anywhere, you can catch a glimpse of a crowd of people in costumes, dancing and singing. not to mention, of course, the elaborate fireworks show the moment the sun finally sets at the end of the carnival.

TRAVELING MERCHANTS AND ARTISANS

In addition, the carnival is filled with performances, parades, and various other spectacles, as well as a wide array of merchants and traveling artisans setting up stalls on the outskirts of town to sell their wares.

OUT OF CHARACTER

After several weeks of traveling eastward from a stop near Lodorwind, the Gambit will reach Fahyrst on the day before the Carnival begins, and stay through its duration before heading south along the coast, hoping for a chance to have some fun and make some tal doing odd jobs around the festival. A shop inventory of items available for purchase in the city and at the festival can be found below the cut – please message the main if you would like to purchase anything while in town.

Missions in and around Fahyrst can also be found below the cut. To claim a mission, please post the title of the mission and the two characters claiming the mission in the #mission-claims channel on discord. Fahyrst missions should, to the best of your ability, wrap up around the 16th of May.

MISSIONS

1. THE LAIR OF THE BEAST. Several travelers to Fahyrst have reported being attacked by a massive, shaggy, snow-covered, unidentifiable beast on the road into town. Worried that the beast will disrupt travel into the city for the Carnival, Fahyrst’s captain of the guard Ellora Kel is commissioning any brave enough to find the beast, slay it, and return to the city with proof before the outset of the festival. ( REWARD: 50 tal ) GWYN & VASHKA

2. SECURITY DETAIL. The Mayor of Fahyrst, Darwen Oaswell, fears that his estate at the center of town may be broken into or vandalized during the course of the festival. A recently elected and rather unpopular man, he believes members of his opposition will use the festival as cover for robbing him or otherwise embarrassing him, and to avoid this, has offered to hire you to guard the mansion for a portion of the festival. ( REWARD: 60 tal ) OPEN TO MULTIPLE PAIRS

3. A MISSING CHILD. A young girl named Misty Ridenour has gone missing, and her mother Sera believes she ventured into the fields of shimmering purple frost-flowers just outside of town and got trapped or hurt somewhere inside. The frost-flowers, which grow on stalks of up to eight feet tall, are prickly and difficult to maneuver through, but Sera is willing to provide a reward to anyone willing to venture into them to locate the missing girl. ( REWARD: 25 tal or 3 oz. of frost-flower petals ) ADRIK & TATSUO

4. MAKE YOUR OWN LUCK. A student magician from Lodorwind, Razia Morn has traveled to the Carnival because he desperately needs luck this year, as he embarks upon his final year at the Academy. His best friend Kolra, tired of Razia’s superstitions, wants your help to fix the lottery draw to ensure that Razia gets a golden bead and stops wasting their money on foolish endeavors. ( REWARD: 35 tal ) GAVRIL & OVID

5. THIEF IN THE NIGHT. While the priestesses have been distracted by the Carnival, someone snuck into the temple undetected and stole an important relic—the jaw bone of the blessed frost-dragon. It is imperative that someone track down the thief, recover the relic, and return it to the temple before they have a chance to escape. ( REWARD: 75 tal ) GAVRIL & VASHKA

6. A SURREPTITIOUS MESSAGE. A mysterious cloaked figure with a raspy voice approaches from behind your left shoulder and slips a piece of paper and several coins into your hand. On the paper, instructions to find an elf named Solaire somewhere in the crowd of dancers and tell them the red will run when the hawk calls thrice. The instructions promise more coin if and when the task is completed. Seems easy enough, right? ( REWARD: 35 tal ) OPEN

7. THE SHOW MUST GO ON. World-renowned lutist and singer Clarion Call has been commissioned to perform on the third day of the Carnival, but mere hours before they are meant to perform, their manager Markia finds them dreadfully hungover at one of Fahyrst’s many outdoor taverns, unable to perform. She’s willing to pay heftily for anyone capable of impersonating Clarion and performing in their stead, so as not to ruin their reputation. ( REWARD: 85 tal ) CALLIOPE & OVID

8. THE PERFECT DRINK. Adarius Contravere, one of the Carnival’s two most impressive drinkmakers, has invented what he swears will be the perfect drink. The only problem is: he’s missing an ingredient, and a rare one at that. Desperate to one-up his competition, Ravenswing Ebonaria, Contravere has offered quite the fee to adventurers willing to venture northwards into the permafrost to bring back the necessary ingredient—a small piece of crystal known as giant’s tear, which instantly freezes anything it touches. ( REWARD: 60 tal ) GWYN & TATSUO

9. AN IMPOSSIBLE SIGHT. From high in Fahyrst’s tallest tower, a teenage girl named Varthé has claimed to see the silver wings of the legendary frost-dragon. While most who hear her think she must be making it up—after all, frost-dragons have been extinct, even this far north, for well over three hundred years—if she’s right, dragons are said to drop scales and teeth that make some of the strongest armor in the Fade, which might be worth hunting down. ( REWARD: rare materials ) GAVRIL & GWYN

10. HEALING TOUCH. A short way outside of the city you encounter an injured traveller on the side of the road, alone and in desperate need of healing. Though you watch several other travelers pass by her without making any stop to help, you decide to see what you can do for her. She turns her head up to you and says, “you have shown that you are true of heart. if you are true of strength as well, you will be rewarded.” ( REWARD: a spell of choice ) CASSIAN & VASHKA

11. THE CURSED ORB. Arlo Higgenbothom, a traveling wizard and showman who is in town to sell charmed trinkets at the Carnival, has approached you with a dire problem in need of solving: he misplaced a small and terrible cursed orb roughly the same size and shape as the glass beads used in the temple’s lottery drawing, and he fears it may have ended up in with the other beads, or in someone else’s hands. ( REWARD: 55 tal ) TATSUO & ZHENYA

12. THE OVEREAGER VANDAL. A young upstart political revolutionary wants to plaster the temple, the tower, and the mayor’s home with pamphlets advocating for the People’s Movement of Fahyrst. The only problem is: he’s banned from every major building in the city thanks to his last attempts to sabotage the mayor’s campaign by vandalizing public buildings, and every guard in Fahyrst knows his face. To get his pamphlets in place, he either needs a very good disguise, or he needs someone else to do it for him without also getting caught by the guards. ( REWARD: 45 tal ) OPEN

13. A PROLONGED ENGAGEMENT. A young halfling man named Basil has asked for help locating his fiance, Cedar. The two are from different towns, and met three years ago at the Carnival, and though they have written letters, they have only been able to see one another here each year, and thus had planned to wed before the end of this year’s Carnival. However, having been unable to locate Cedar, Basil is worried either that Cedar thought better of it, or that something has happened to prevent him from reaching the city. ( REWARD: 65 tal ) GAVRIL & ZHENYA

14. MIRROR OF SHADOWS. Among the wares of a traveling merchant, you find a mirror that—rather than showing your reflection when you look into it—shows instead a swirling void of shadows, with something you can very nearly make out within. When you touch the mirror, it whispers to you that it must be taken to the top of the tallest tower, where it will reveal its secret. Unfortunately, the salesman refuses to part with it for less than 1600 tal. ( REWARD: the location of a much-desired object, person, or goal ) LUCKY & OVID

15. ESCAPE ROUTE. A young woman in a hooded cloak stops you, offering all the tal she has to help her to escape the city undetected. When asked why, she is hesitant to provide further details, only insisting that her life is in danger if she has not safely left town by the time the sun goes down. ( REWARD: 75 tal ) OPEN

SHOP INVENTORY

if you would like to purchase any gear or supplies from the shops in Fahyrst, message the main. the following items are available (estimated prices listed):

a show-stopping cocktail ( 3 tal )

a blessing from the temple of Laimyre ( 5 tal )

a bag of crushed frost-flower petals ( 10 tal per oz. )

a fine healing potion ( 60 tal )

lucky Carnival beads ( 10 tal )

a fine colorful costume ( 15 tal )

basic spell or potion components ( 10-30 tal )

an enchanted sapphire ring with freezing powers ( 75 tal )

a cloak of disguise ( 80 tal )

a hand-sized harp that never goes out of tune ( 35 tal )

#fantasy rp #new rp #skeleton rp #fantasy rpg #literate rp #fahyrst #loc

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the-big-nope · 4 years

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While I’m certainly nowhere near ready for the story of the Mighty Nein to come to an end, I am also a D&D nerd and there’s a new sourcebook coming out soon with a bunch of new subclasses in it. By the time Campaign 3 of Critical Role gets underway, that book will be published, leaving a wealth of new options for the cast members to choose from, so why not entertain myself by making barely justified predictions of what the cast is most likely to pick for their next characters! (Disclaimer: Some of the new subclasses have been confirmed and some haven’t, so for a few of these picks I’m just going off of what I think is going to be in the book).

Travis

Cleric (Tempest Domain): Travis has been playing lowkey EMT since campaign one, and Laura’s already confirmed that Travis almost went cleric for campaign two. Between Grog with his barb-boosted movement speed to get around the battlefield so he could shove healing potions into his squishier teammates, and Fjord multiclassing into paladin and lovingly tapping his friends with single hit points to get them back up, it would be delightful to see him fully jump in and embrace the classical healer role. Of course, this is Travis, so I don’t see him picking a cleric domain that doesn’t allow for at least some whoop-ass, and Tempest Domain brings plenty of it. You get proficiency with all armor and weapons, Divine Strike at level 8 for boosted melee damage, you can use a reaction to inflict lightning or thunder damage against any enemy within melee range that’s hit you. And if you climb up high enough in levels, you gain a flying speed equal to your walking one whenever you’re outdoors. Pretty nifty, and makes for a fitting subclass for a guy that’s voiced Thor on multiple occasions.

Blood Hunter (Order of the Lycan): I mean, come on. The only reason it isn’t number one is that it was already widely assumed this would be Travis’s pick for campaign two, and I wouldn’t put it past him to surprise us again. But still, we saw him get a taste in Liam’s one shot and he was clearly having the time of his life. Besides, we lost Molly far too early to really see the blood hunter’s potential come to life; it would be damn cool to see someone else take a crack at it, and Travis is enough of a D&D gambler to not shy away from the class’s riskier features.

Artificer (Armorer): Speaking of Marvel connections, if Travis doesn’t lean toward fantasy Thor, then fantasy Iron Man might catch his attention instead. Artificer is an official class now, and since it’ll be reprinted in TCoE by the time campaign 3 gets underway, it’ll be a lot more visible as an option. The Armorer sits in almost a perfect middle ground of what Travis has done before: tanky and a frontliner, but also still has spells and tricks to help the party. Plus, you get a badass suit of power armor out of it. What’s not to like?

Marisha

Bard (College of Creation): After Hazel Copperpot, we all saw the pure magic that was Marisha Ray playing a bard. I know she implied that Hazel was supposed to be her campaign two backup character, but I hope this doesn’t discourage her from making another one. There are quite a few bard subclasses, a number of which I could see her being drawn to (Lore, Glamour, maybe even Swords), but I really vibe with the idea of Creation. I can’t exactly say why; maybe the idea of the ‘dancing object’ feature in Marisha’s hands is very funny to me (remember Keyleth’s adorable “Be Our Guest” moment? That, but this time it’s a walking wardrobe beating the shit out of the enemy).

Paladin (Oath of Vengeance/Conquest): As of yet, no one on Critical Role has ever played a paladin from the start, only multiclassed later down the line. I think this would be a cool departure for Marisha. Both campaigns she’s played characters that were either suspicious or at least indifferent to faith and the gods. Paladins are typically associated with deities, but they’re not tied quite so closely to them as clerics are. It would be fascinating to see what she did with it. As for the subclass, I just think Marisha’s earned her turn on the Goth Character Carousel, and while I know Conquest paladin is very unlikely given its moral grayness by default which might cause undue conflict and that Vengeance is a much more likely and acceptable pick, I just think it would be a sexy character choice.

Wizard (Bladesinger/Graviturgist): This is a much more pie-in-the-sky, wishful thinking pick on my end, but not impossible imo. Marisha has experience with heavy spellcasting already, so she probably wouldn’t shy away from a wizard, but like Travis I suspect she likes a bit of oomph to her characters, and probably wouldn’t play as support heavy as Caleb does. To that end, Bladesingers get a bit more survivability and some modicum of physical prowess alongside their spells, while Graviturgists are definitely on the more aggressive side of the spectrum for wizard subclasses, with unique dunamancy spells to boot. I’m not sure how restrictive Matt would be about Xhorhassian characters in the next campaign if it takes place on another continent, but hey, you never know. Plus, she picked one of Matt’s homebrew subclasses for the current campaign; it would be cute if it happened again.

Liam

Druid (Circle of the Shepherd): At some point before Critical Role comes to end (hopefully far in the future), I know Liam’s gonna play a druid, I can feel it in my bones. He's too big of a Kiki fan not to. However, while Circle of the Moon might feel obvious given the potential for homage and how much he likes turning into animals, I feel like he might regard it as getting too close to old territory (also, I don’t know if Circle of the Moon is like an exclusive thing to the Ashari tribes, and if it is that would be rather restrictive for building a backstory). If that’s the case, Circle of the Shepherd feels like the next best bet. It has some great support options via the totems you can put down, and rather than becoming badass animals, you instead just get really good at summoning a fuck ton of them. It’s like Frumpkin, but ten of him. And they’re bears. (Honorable mention: If Circle of the Moon would feel like treading old territory then I’m certain Circle of Wildfire would too, but I’d bet my dice collection it would at least be tempting).

Cleric (Unity Domain): Listen. The pure sap potential that would be at Mr. O’Brien’s fingertips with this subclass is incredible. The domain all about strengthening and protecting the bonds between friends and loved ones?? The domain with the Channel Divinity that can spread damage taken by one creature across the party however the cleric chooses to distribute it to lessen the blow to the individual??? The domain that used to be called the Love Domain???? I’m practically gagging on the soft moments and unspoken devotion conveyed through spellcasting already.

Fighter (Rune Knight/Psi Knight): Liam has yet to play a tank in a long-term campaign, and while I’m more enamored with the potential of the above classes, it would be novel to see him play a character with an actually respectable amount of hit points. However, I feel like if he was gonna commit to a straight frontliner, he’d probably want something a little more unique than a Champion or Battle Master (especially since he’s played those already for one-shots). Rune Knight has some fun options and built-in flavor, and with Psi Knight you can basically be a Jedi. Not bad options at all if you ask me.

Taliesin

Warlock (Fiend): Yeah, it might be expected, or Percy might have been too close to warlock anyway to feel like there’s new ground to cover, but hear me out. Both Percy (who, let’s face it, was a warlock multiclass in all but the actual mechanics) and Fjord were the classic reluctants. They got in over their heads without really knowing what was going on, and once they did they wanted out, cutting ties with their patrons and getting clear with only the scars remaining. I want to see Taliesin commit to a warlock in a way I imagine only he could manage to pull off. How fun would that balancing act be, to have a character that has no intentions of breaking their pact, who’s here for the powers, and is willing to work that delicate balancing act between keeping what he’s got and not letting his contract holder get the better of him? Give it to meeeeee.

Sorcerer (Psionic Soul): Psionic Soul has a bit of that eldritch flavor that vibes with Taliesin so much, with the added interest of introducing a brand new feature to 5E, the Psi Die (with this subclass, using them can do things like letting a sorcerer learn a spell they don’t already know for a few hours, allow you to cast spells without needing verbal, somatic, or material components, and can give you telepathy). Taking both Percy and Molly into account, it seems Tal likes to lean into those unique additional mechanics, and while Psi Die aren’t as risk-heavy as Gunslinger or Bloodhunter, they do add a layer of variability and unpredictability that seems to match his style.

Rogue (Swashbuckler): We only got a little bit of time with Molly, and so missed out on the opportunity to see Tal play a more cavalier character this time around. If he feels like leaning away from spells next time and back toward martial, I think a high-charisma, high-swinging swashbuckler from Tal would be a delight to watch.

Laura

Barbarian (Path of the Ancestral Guardian): Laura deserves to hit things, okay? Yes, spellcasting is great and comes in clutch frequently and Jester’s amazing, but you can tell Laura misses doing fat stacks of damage to the enemy in a single round. I personally think it would be amazing to watch her just cut loose and go full rage machine. As for the subclass, I’m not glued to the idea, but Ancestral Guardians are pretty kickass, have decent support capabilities for a barb without detracting from their DPS at all, and it doesn’t tread on any previous characters’ toes or their aesthetics.

Rogue (Scout/Soulknife): Laura deserves to play her favorite class at last, okay? She’s been class poached two campaigns in a row, and though that resulted in both Vex and Jester and I wouldn’t trade them for the world, Laura has earned first pick. Seeing as she already dipped into Assassin as Vex and Sam took Arcane Trickster, I could see Scout being a viable subclass choice. It’s in the classic sneaky vein, relatively simple in concept, but comes with features that grant easy-to-understand benefits that you can never turn your nose up at (boosts to movement, advantage on initiative, giving advantage against a target to everyone else in the party, etc.). If she’s looking for something a bit flashier, Soulknife has the benefit of retroactively dunking on Vax by taking the basic knife-rogue and making it better, with psionic knives that you can manifest with a thought, that can teleport you around Whisper style, and cranking up that stealth to ridiculous levels by just being able to turn invisible for ten minutes, no concentration or spell needed. The psionic die mechanics are a little funky of course, but I don’t imagine it’s any trickier than learning to manage all those cleric spells.

Monk (Way of the Open Hand): Between Beau just being super cool and her brief stint as Farriwen Breeze, monk wouldn’t be a surprising pick from Laura. An Open Hand monk might be the definitive version everyone knows, but you can’t deny it’s a solid subclass, and between previous overlap and the concepts of the other subclasses just not seeming to fit, I could see the classic being what she went with. But hey, it’s Laura Bailey. She could surprise us with Way of the Drunken Master or something.

Sam

Ranger (Monster Slayer): Let’s be real, I don’t think this would be his actual first pick for a Campaign 3 character, but the amount of shit-stirring he could achieve by making a character with the aim of pissing off Laura Bailey specifically would be hilarious (and since Matt isn’t completely opposed to UA and acknowledges that PHB ranger has a lot of issues, I wouldn’t be surprised if they went Revised Ranger this time).

Warlock (Genie): Actual first pick here, Pact of the Genie Warlock is confirmed by now, and the potential of a warlock in the hands of Sam Riegel is pretty vast (for some reason I’m imagining he would go the ‘spoiled sugar baby’ route). The subclass doesn’t matter as much, but the Genie one is nice in that, depending on the type of genie patron you pick, you can get a wide variety of extra spells, you get a container like a classic lamp or lantern that you can bamf into for short rests, and you get a limited Wish ability for your capstone, all features I feel like would especially appeal to Sam.

Barbarian (Path of the Wild Soul): I want to see Sam play a fairy barbarian. ‘Nough said.

Ashley

Fighter (Eldritch/Echo Knight): Ashley really seems to vibe with the crushing power of martial classes (she does love her brutal kill descriptions), so I could see her sticking with it rather than going back to full caster. However, I do see her picking one of the magical subclasses for some variety after Yasha. Eldritch Knight is a classic and reasonably easy to manage, but tbh I’d LOVE for it to be Echo Knight. And think, if my wishful thinking came true, with Ashley picking an Echo Knight and Marisha playing a Graviturgist wizard, they could link up their backstories and be a traveling Kryn battle duo that left their homeland behind to explore the world!

Sorcerer (Draconic): If she does want to go back to full-time casting, Sorcerer doesn’t require near as much bookkeeping as a cleric, druid, or wizard while still having decent variety, and the Draconic subclass is a bit beefier than the other subclasses. Also, it would be the third campaign in a row where Ashley Johnson’s character eventually got wings, soooo...

And tbh I have no idea what a third pick might be for Ashley, so I’m just gonna throw a dart or two at the board and say either College of Whispers Bard or Way of Mercy Monk *Shrug* We can only wait and see!

#critical role #if anyone else has thoughts i'd love to hear your guesses!

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forasecondtherewedwon · 4 years

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The Stripping Point

Pairing: Peter Parker x Michelle Jones (Spideychelle) Rating: E (explicit sexual content) Word count: 6387

Happy Birthday, @spiderman-homecomeme!

Summary: Peter's ready to turn his new hobby into a profitable sideline. Unfortunately, he writes down his very first client's address incorrectly and shows up at the wrong house.

MJ opens the door to find some guy dressed as Spider-Man and decides the best way to mess with him is to let him stay. Almost immediately, she loses the upper hand.

Quarantine puts people out of work. A lotta people at first, then less, but never Peter. He keeps shooting for the Bugle, lugging his camera all over the city (instead of squeezing onto buses and subway cars that never really get that much less crowded) while he breathes heavily through his mask. He only takes pictures at outdoor spaces to try to avoid both crowds and loners who hassle him for taking preventative measures during the pandemic. They’re stressed, he gets that, but Peter doesn’t wanna be anywhere near conflict. Spider-Man, on the other hand… Well, when he puts on that mask, it’s pretty much business as usual. He appreciates his face covering more than ever and, hey, it’s cool to do a job with social distancing built in.

His gratitude for the web-slinging side-gig only increases as the weeks of pandemic life stretch into months and Jameson starts ordering him back into situations that are just plain stupid from a health perspective. Never mind that he got kinda accidentally stabbed the other week. It’s a totally different set of dangers. Peter resists the new assignments and because Jameson’ll be in deep shit if his number one Spider-Man photographer makes a fuss about working conditions (and because people are getting so desperate for employment that he can pay a new hire even less than Peter’s paltry freelancing rate), the Bugle shells out for another photographer to cover the work Peter won’t do. Good for Peter’s health, bad for Peter’s bank account―which is already whimpering with hunger pangs from sitting near-empty after paying rent. This gets him thinking. It might be time to turn his early-quarantine hobby into his mid-to-late-quarantine money-maker.

Yeah, pandemic hobbies! By April, it seemed to him like everybody was picking something up. Bread-making, yoga, sewing masks for healthcare workers left criminally under-equipped. The hobby Peter picked up, well… it’s a little different. He began practicing it indoors (obviously), by himself, and with skills gained from reading and watching material on the internet. In those ways, it’s a lot like other people’s hobbies. In some other ways, it’s very, very different. Like, instead of putting on specialized clothing like an apron or yoga pants, Peter’s hobby requires taking clothes off. It’s stripping. Peter’s hobby is stripping.

A few things led to him picking that over sourdough or Sun Salutations. Peter loves not only old movies but also old music. Old movies with iconic dance scenes? That’s, like, the perfect combo. He spends a lot of his downtime playing music in his apartment and, when he’s not wiped or injured, dancing along. He figures it’s good for his mood as well as his fitness. Seriously, he can only do so many chin-ups on the metal bar braced in his bathroom doorframe (which is starting to crack). Patrick Swayze’s solo routine from the end of Dirty Dancing is way more fun, even if Peter did tear the knees on a couple pairs of sweatpants because of it. The more music he listened to, the more he started freestyling his own moves in between those of leading men. It was that―trying to create something good of his own―that helped him understand the routines he watched. He figured out the balance between precision and sex appeal and somewhere in there, he realized he was performing for an audience in his head. And what this imaginary audience wanted wasn’t always the goofiness of acting out Risky Business and sliding across the short strip of bare floor between his kitchen and living room in socks, underwear, and a white shirt. Sometimes, the audience wanted him to lose the shirt.

At that point, Peter was once again wandering out of what he knew. He was comfortable with movie dances, had a little of his own repertoire, but he lacked this extra element of storytelling; it was the one that took him from fully dressed down to boxers and socks without tripping and struggling and falling into his meager possessions. That was when he turned to the internet and confronted the fact that he wanted to learn how to strip. If he happened to stumble into related tutorials on how to give a lap dance, who would know? Who was there to judge Peter as he performed for an empty kitchen chair, dragging his hand along the back and body-rolling to buck his hips towards where someone’s face would be? Yeah, it was kinda embarrassing while he was learning, but he had the endurance to try a move over and over until he nailed it, the strength to draw out isolated movements like twitching his hips to keep his butt drawing circles on the lap of his invisible patron, and the overall coordination of, well, Spider-Man. Which ends up being the most important piece of all because, when Peter decides to take his show on the road (or at least out of his tiny apartment), his ‘stage’ name requires about a second of thought. Spider-Man. He’ll go by Spider-Man. He laughs his ass off when he thinks of it. It’s fucking genius! Spider-Man stripping as himself is the last thing anyone would ever suspect!

Naturally, Peter can’t use any of his actual Spidey suits. Those would probably give him away. Also, he’d feel weird about having Karen’s voice in his ear while he flexed his abs next to somebody’s head. Fortunately, after a little digging―which turns into a lot of digging and leaves his room a mess of comingled clean and dirty clothes―he finds his original suit. The zip-up hoodie plus sweatpants one. Yeah, its technological capabilities are basically zero, it’s a little grimy, and too tight, but he doesn’t need it to do anything besides come off. The wear-and-tear will lend genuine-fake authenticity to his character and the snugness around his more developed muscles (it’s been a decade since he wore it last) will make it… sexier? He guesses? The most important thing is the mask, which is the only part of his costume he won’t strip off. Apart from his underwear, obviously. He’s not that wild.

He gets to work cutting a vertical line up each leg of his sweatpants, then sews in snaps. Boom, tearaways. They look kinda shitty, but if he’s any good at all, whoever he dances for shouldn’t be staring at loose threads.

So Peter has his moves, his costume, a few songs in mind, and no engagements. Oh, he thinks he can figure out how to get jobs, it’s just that he somehow keeps coming home, sitting down to compose his ad, and then doing something completely different instead. He’s truly scared witless. Nobody’ll see your face, he chants in his mind to psych himself up every time he’s heading home to his apartment. Still, he freezes at his laptop. There’s nothing about his body that he’s ashamed of―he uses it every single day to help people as Spider-Man. Maybe it’s that, this time, he’d be using it to help himself. Is he a monster for making a buck off his superhero persona? Peter holds onto that question for about a week until the date to pay rent is approaching and his bank account shudders in horror. Ok, money’s tight and he hasn’t been hit by a car lately, so he won’t freak anybody out with road rash or bruising or more of his hand-sewing to close gashes. With a little self-pedicure here and hair-removal there, Peter looks at himself in his bathroom mirror and decides this is as good a time as any.

He advertises online and his hands are still trembling when he gets a call from an unfamiliar number ten minutes after his ad goes live. The ringing phone actually makes him jump. It’s probably a telemarketer, or a wrong number. Nobody would call him with a job this fast. He was counting on having at least a day to sit with the choice he made. Peter fumbles for the phone and answers. For the next minute and a half, he struggles to hear the woman’s voice over the blood rushing in his ears. She thinks he’s the Spider-Man Stripper. He is the Spider-Man Stripper. This is hilarious and terrifying and oddly similar to the brief moment of freefall between slinging one web and the next as he darts around Midtown. Her friend’s birthday party, she tells him, two days from now. Something else she planned (Peter’s adjusting his sweaty, slipping grip on his phone and misses the details) fell through and if he can be the entertainment for a half-hour or so it would save both the party and her friendship. Not to add extra pressure, she jokes, laughing. The sound Peter makes is a weak echo. So can he be there? Is there space in his schedule? He pretends to check that ‘schedule’ so she doesn’t think he’s a total amateur. Yep, yep, he has an opening for her. She has an opening for him, she flirts back, making his eyes go wide as he clutches the phone. God, why couldn’t his first gig have been for some 22-year-old’s bachelorette instead of this middle-aged-sounding woman who possibly wants to eat him alive? By the time she’s telling him her address, Peter’s hands are shaking worse than ever, he can’t immediately find a pen, and she reels it off to him way too quickly. He’s scrawling the address on his arm and right as he opens his mouth to ask her to repeat it, she hangs up. He peers at his arm doubtfully. Should he call her back for confirmation? No, he doesn’t have the guts. Anyway, he can figure this out. The street name was Woodman, right? Or was it Woodlawn? And the number was 712. Or 271. There was definitely a 7 in there somewhere. And his client’s name was… Lisa? Lana. Maybe Linda?

Peter cradles his face in his hands and groans. When his phone starts ringing again―different number―he frantically declines the call, then deletes his ad. One job at a time. Even that, he now thinks, seems ambitious.

―

MJ’s glad she’s not the one throwing this party together. As Liz’s best friend, it’s Betty who took the reins, organizing and then scrapping everything more than once as New York moved from phase to phase during this pandemic. The end result is still less than what MJ knows Betty wants; ideally, there would be more than a handful of guests and things like shiny helium balloons and fancy desserts would be hand-delivered to Liz’s front door on the day of the party. Instead, MJ sits on the arm of Liz’s couch as she inflates yet another latex balloon the good old-fashioned way: blowing it up by mouth until she’s dizzy.

Cindy stomps over and plops down next to her, snatching a balloon from the party pack of 50 (and Betty insists they need them all). She’s been banished from cupcake decorating. MJ would offer a word or two of sympathy, but balloon duty has the prior claim on how she spends her breaths. All she can do is toss Cindy a plastic tiara (Betty bought one―just one!―reading ‘Mom-to-Be’ for Liz, but the online shop screwed up her order and sent two dozen ‘Birthday Girl’ tiaras in its place) after tying off her finished balloon. MJ’s already wearing one. Meanwhile, the tiara-less Mom-to-Be is being driven around the block a million times by her cousin because they’re having the party at Liz’s place and Betty wants the decorations to be a surprise. Liz’s husband, more simply, was banished for the entire day. MJ originally thought they could’ve put him to work, since it’s pretty hectic, but she’s too oxygen-deprived to worry anymore.

Finally, Betty declares from the kitchen that she’s frosted her final cupcake. MJ begs for a reprieve from balloon-inflating and Betty, feeling accomplished and generous, agrees they probably have enough balloons now. Cindy casts her half-inflated one away in disgust before going to help Betty clean up baking ingredients and do dishes. MJ does her best to shoo the balloons to one side of the living room, then carries spare chairs in because their couch won’t fit everyone. Fortunately, they’ve all been recently tested for illness and been vigilant hand-washers and mask-wearers since then, so at least she doesn’t have to find a way to keep every seat six feet apart. She’s just positioning a final chair, still a little out of breath from the balloons, when the doorbell rings. In the kitchen, Betty screams.

“IT’S STILL A MESS IN HERE! STALL HER!”

“’K!” MJ agrees.

She kicks a couple stray balloons out of her path and goes to get the door. They weren’t supposed to come back to the house until Betty texted, but maybe they got tired of driving around, or Liz started feeling carsick. MJ knows she’s been pretty delicate her entire pregnancy with twins floating around in her uterus like a pair of nausea-inducing astronauts.

As she opens the door wide, she sucks in a deep breath to call out a sarcastic ‘Surprise!’ But it’s not Liz and her cousin. It’s… a guy? In a red and blue costume. She thinks it’s a guy. She can’t even see the person’s face, but when MJ reaches up to self-consciously adjust her ‘Birthday Girl’ tiara, they tilt their head and seem to follow her movement.

“Oh! I’m here for you! You’re… not what I was expecting.” It’s a masculine laugh. Young. Nervous.

She crosses her arms suspiciously.

“You’re not what I was expecting either,” she accuses.

“Shit,” he mumbles. “I guess it was supposed to be a surprise.”

What? Betty might have planned a few surprises for today, but MJ does not recall a dude in a mismatched sweatsuit being one of them.

“Guess so,” she says slowly.

“Sorry, I’m, uh, Spider-Man.” He gestures to the costume. Well, she can kinda see the very distant resemblance to what the real Spider-Man wears; there is a crudely-drawn spider on the chest.

“Uh huh.”

MJ’s suspicion is shifting into amusement―this guy really seems to think he has an invitation―when Cindy comes up behind her. MJ darts a look at her friend and is glad Cindy’s no longer sporting her own tiara. No need to confuse this poor… Spider-Man impersonator.

“What’s up?” Cindy asks, poking her chin over MJ’s shoulder, happier now that she’s fled the tasks Betty continually assigns.

“Hey,” says ‘Spider-Man’. “I, uh, I was hired to, uh, dance for the, um…” He gestures at MJ’s tiara. “…birthday girl.”

At ‘dance,’ MJ’s eyebrows shoot up. She looks quickly at Cindy and realizes she’s going to say something. Cindy will handle this how she handles any inconvenience or anomaly: with forthrightness and concision. She’ll have this faux-venger hitting the road before MJ can blink. With a short, friendly laugh towards Spider-Man, MJ angles herself to block Cindy from view and locks eyes with her friend. Cindy’s face says, What are you doing? We don’t know this guy. MJ’s counters with, Let’s see how this plays out. Cindy rolls her eyes, but nods, so MJ steps away from her again.

“As long as you haven’t traveled outside the country in the last fourteen days or experienced symptoms of fever, etcetera etcetera, come on in,” Cindy invites, gesturing Spider-Man through the doorway. “I’m so sorry, but we were running a little behind with the food, so I have to disappear back to the kitchen. But why don’t you get started for her?”

“Cindy,” MJ hisses as she closes the door. “You have to stay.”

“I believe the man said he was here for the birthday girl.”

Cindy smirks and they both glance over to see that Spider-Man has found the speaker and connected his phone. Something catches MJ’s eye and her gaze skims down his leg. What’s up with the side of his pants?

“I’m not the birthday girl,” she reminds Cindy in a panicked whisper. “There is no birthday girl.”

“Well, in her absence, it looks like you’re the one getting her presents. Careful with that one.”

“Because it seems fragile?”

“Because I feel like it’s the kind that comes with a big package.”

Cindy pokes MJ hard in the side and flees when she squirms away. MJ glares after her. Yes, she’s curious about what the hell this impersonator’s doing here in that crappy costume, but it’s so much easier to be curious when she can observe something unfolding without actively having to participate. What she was thinking was that he’d come in and the three of them―Betty, Cindy, and herself―would see how far this went before something either gave them away as not being the people who ‘hired’ him (so he claims), or the guy crumbled under the quavering weight of his own anxiety. Nothing about his look or his manner announces experience. Now, MJ’s on her own as she takes a seat in one of the chairs she brought in. She crosses her legs, bobs her foot, and hopes to hell that Spider-Man’s a breakdancer.

“Listen…” she begins to say, leaning forward to address him, but as she speaks, he turns up the volume and her uncertain voice is drowned out by chimes tinkling above throbbing bass. Oh no.

It’s the tempo that scares MJ. She thinks she could deal with a rabbiting drum intro or the bright squeal of quick fingers on an electric guitar. This song is tauntingly slow and it’s obvious, by how Spider-Man turns in her direction and walks to her with measured steps, that what she’s about to experience will look nothing like handstands or the worm, nothing youthfully, recklessly acrobatic. It’s also clear that she’s in this alone now because the guy putting his back to her and swirling his hips with agonizing slowness as the gravelly vocals come in is in some kind of zone she can’t follow him into.

When I look in your eyes… the song goes. …I can feel the fire.

Nope, MJ’s outside of this, in the real world, where she hears him lower the zipper on his sweatshirt. When he rotates to face her, taking his time, she finds her hands are gripping the seat on either side of her thighs.

A see-through disguise can’t conceal desire.

Spider-Man’s disguise is hardly see-through―seriously, he must’ve been sweltering in those sweats on his way here―but it’s open now, from his clavicle down to where the band of his pants grips his taut abdomen. He probably can’t hear the groan that pushes out of her mouth when she’s just trying to exhale. God, please let the music cover it, MJ thinks. His hood’s still up as he steps even closer to her chair, subtly twitching his hips in her direction, and the ends of his sweatshirt dangle, flashing glimpses of more chest, more abs. MJ swallows and reminds herself that this is all kind of a joke. That she’s the one indulging him and they’ll laugh when this is over. She’ll apologize for the mix-up and he’ll shrug it off as he accepts monetary compensation for his time.

I’ve been readin’ your lips… the singer announces in a louder growl. Spider-Man abruptly strips the blue sleeves from his costume, leaving his torso bare beneath what’s now just a hooded red vest. He’s a fake superhero, but those arms are the real deal. Wow. …they don’t need no translation.

He widens his stance, drawing her eye down to his solid-looking thigh, then slides his hand across her shoulder to grip the back of her chair. His hips roll forward and she instinctively uncrosses her legs. With the extra room, Spider-Man briefly presses his thigh to hers. It scrunches the hem of her dress up before dragging it back down as he retreats. It’s reasonably innocent, likely not even intentional, but heat flares up MJ’s face like one of the candles she might blow out if this were actually her birthday. Honestly, she keeps forgetting it’s not.

They want more than a kiss, I come to make my donation.

Ok, she feels more than just thigh when he glides higher on her lap. MJ automatically flicks her gaze lower, because he’s a stranger and right in her space, and it lands on his groin. Spider-Man bucks suggestively and MJ immediately raises her eyes from the bump in the front of his close-fitting sweatpants. Jesus, is it warm in here? Somebody should do something about that before Liz gets home, fiddle with the thermostat or, or something…

So turn out the lights! the singer’s voice rockets up and goosebumps ripple up MJ’s arms as Spider-Man’s hands smooth down them in his fingerless gloves. He bounces low into a crouch and can’t be more than an inch away from the fabric of her dress as he rolls up her body, face in her lap for, I’m goin’ down slowly. Her pounding heart and rapid breathing almost push her boobs into his forehead when he reaches her chest.

Don’t tell me what’s right, just tell me you want me.

When their heads are level, Spider-Man surprises her by sitting lightly on her lap, nearly chest-to-chest. He takes her hands in his―MJ’s sufficiently stunned to allow him to break her grip on the seat―and guides them to his head, making her push his hood off. It’s strange to feel the mask under her palms. Wondering what his hair looks like really shouldn’t be a main concern right now.

Oh, tell me you want me. Just tell me you want me, want me, want me!

The more insistent the song becomes, the more persuasively Spider-Man gyrates in her lap. Sliding a hand over his head shouldn’t be this seductive without visible hair to push his fingers through, but the way his arm bulges with the motion makes up for it, in her opinion. MJ doesn’t know what to do with her hands. They hover in the air between their bodies.

Let’s make it, baby! the song explodes as he thrusts forward powerfully, throwing his head back.

Well, let’s make it, baby!

His hands go to his shoulders.

Well, let’s make it, baby!

He works his vest off, revealing the rest of his chest.

Let’s make it, baby!

He flings the vest toward the sofa. MJ doesn’t know whether or not it lands there. She doesn’t turn to look. This is… more muscle than she’s ever seen in person on a single human body. Once more, he takes hold of the back of her chair, but it’s with both hands now and his forearms squeeze her in, compelling her to lean forward as he grinds across her lap, forward and back, to, Come, come, come a little bit closer. His face angles into her neck; she feels his nose brush her skin through the mask. She can hear him breathing and it electrifies her. The only reason she clamps her thighs together like she does is to give him more room to straddle her. Really, it’s for his comfort, as a professional. Because this is all just… very professional.

She hasn’t determined where to lay her hands, which is fine because he has another use for them.

I wanna play doctor, the singer drawls while Spider-Man brings her hands to his pecs. Is his heart beating as hard under there as hers is right now or is she imagining it? He effortlessly takes gentle hold of her wrists and encourages her hands down his body. She doesn’t even notice when he lets her go to peel the gloves from his hands and push his sneakers off, leaving MJ to trace the thick, defined ridges of his abdomen.

It keeps gettin’ harder, harder, harder to keep it away!

With the end of the line, Spider-Man rips the sweatpants off―a series of metallic popping sounds too close together to count. Not that counting’s on her mind. Eyeing the cherry-red boxer-briefs that are even tighter than the sweats, she swallows. She can’t remember how to exist on the outside of this. She can’t find the door. Believing that this guy―who’s not really Spider-Man, just like she’s not really a birthday girl―understands, that they’re sharing the scorching intimacy she suddenly feels, is naïve. MJ is not naïve. She just can’t exactly explain why what should be an obvious (skillful, but obvious) pantomime of sex is working on her like real foreplay.

I wanna taste the sweat…

She swears he’s breathing harder than the dancing alone can explain when he palms her knees and pries them apart. Her legs are slack and willing. She is sweating.

…that’s runnin’ over your body.

Tucking his fingers into the backs of her knees, Spider-Man jerks her forward on her seat. It raises her hem to mid-thigh and her pulse to low orbit. He hikes her legs around his hips and she crosses her wrists behind his neck without guidance as he stays in what has to be a strenuous squat to body-roll. Everything comes forward in a delicious wave, from his shoulders to his crotch. From lots of angles, it probably looks like he’s fucking her into Liz’s kitchen chair.

In actuality, there’s no contact between them―not anyplace interesting―until…

Get the sheets all wet!

MJ doesn’t know if his hips nudge between her legs accidentally or intentionally on an overzealous roll. She’s never been given a lap dance before! Is this right? Is this permitted? He seems ready to run with it, repeating the action with greater certainty.

Yeah, I wanna make ya feel nau-nau-nau-nau-nau-nau-nau-naughty!

When the singer quits stuttering out the word, Spider-Man lifts MJ right off the chair into his arms. She inhales hard, desperate for air as the song returns to, Let’s make it, baby! And let’s make it, baby! Well, let’s make it, baby! And let’s make it, baby, baby! He has one hand grasping the underside of her thigh, the other clutching the middle of her back. He thrusts toward her through the chorus, shy of nudging the way he did before. The motion sways MJ fairly gently, thanks to his sure grip and ability to carry her weight with ease, but she might as well be tumbling around inside a washing machine for all she currently knows of up and down.

The animal urgency of the chorus drops down to the slow lull of instrumentals and Spider-Man sets MJ on her feet. She just about rolls her ankle and plans to never admit this made her weak in the knees. As irregular drumbeats keep her on edge, he sneaks around behind her and takes her wrists, raising her arms over her head as she fights the instinct to turn and stare at this guy’s mostly-naked body. She hasn’t dated anyone since before the pandemic, but it’s more than that. While she holds her arms up there, Spider-Man rocks against her from behind, the inside of his thigh rubbing the outside of hers, messing up her skirt, confusing her heartbeat. His hands clamp down on her hips and work them in a circular motion with her ass pressed directly against him.

Wait.

―

Peter’s hard. Of all the things that have definitely gone wrong (having to make up a routine from scratch after blanking in the face of a woman 20 years younger and 500 times more beautiful than who he expected to find) and probably gone wrong (he hasn’t shaken the exhilarating feeling that he’s almost certainly at the wrong house), this is the most serious. He’s in so, so far over his head and sinking deeper, metaphorically, as the woman he’s wrapped around cautiously returns the pressure, pressing his erection.

He was so nervous after meeting her that he went straight to setting up his music and forgot to ask for her name. It’s not like he can casually ask now. It feels like things have gone too far for that. Wasn’t he supposed to feel some layer of detachment, doing this? Stripping’s supposed to be a part-time job, like taking pictures for the Bugle. Maybe he’s too used to caring about people to set himself apart from this. Maybe it’s the shock of her youth and the feeling of touching a real-live person after practicing with an empty chair over months of physical distancing.

Maybe he’s just horny.

The instrumental section goes on and on and Peter yearns. This is a job, he thinks, running his hands up to her waist and back to her hips. As the musical intermission’s finally drawing to a close, he improvises again, scooping the woman up into his arms in a bridal carry just to eliminate the sweet friction against his dick. Where does he go from here? He knows what the tutorials told him, what really gets the target of a lap dance/strip show going. Could go with the couch and push his red vest aside, but the soft rug underfoot beckons.

Now turn out the lights! Bon Jovi rasps as Peter moves gradually to his knees and nuzzles his masked face into the woman’s chest because, at this point, why the hell not? She smells so good. He hears her gasp, then her fingers dig fleetingly into the back of his neck like she wants to hold him there. But she lets go and he lays her on her back in the valley created by leisurely-migrating silver balloons. The light refracted on the woman’s face is crisp and ethereal.

Don’t tell me you love, love me, no… Just, just tell me you want me.

Peter springs on top of her, arms braced and locked, and performs an exaggerated horizontal roll, his hips close above hers. This is the million-dollar (or, like, twenty-dollar) move. The one that unambiguously mimics sex. Though it’s so overstated, so dramatic, the tutorials claimed that, by this stage, the person being performed for would be so wound up, so aroused, that they’d just about believe it was the real thing. He watches the woman’s shaky breathing and flushed cheeks, feels her hands caress his abs, and thinks he’s doing pretty damn good. Too bad he can’t count this as a performance. The desire he feels when he lowers himself closer to her is not an act.

Don’t tell me you love me.

The skin-tight front of his underwear skims her dress. And, though she should really keep her legs out straight to do her part in preserving the distance between them (because he’s fucking failing), she slides her foot along the floor, raising her knee. Peter snatches hold of that knee with the feeling that they just signed some kind of contract and grinds himself against the fold of skirt between her legs. The woman’s chest heaves as she pants. His balls ache for him to stop playing.

Oh, tell me you want me, want me, want me, want me, want me, want me, want me! Bon Jovi and Peter’s sex drive demand, from a rumble up to a scream. Let’s make it, baby!

The woman beneath him tosses her head and bats away a balloon that clings to her hair. Her birthday crown’s askew.

Well, let’s make it, baby!

Peter’s hand is on her ribcage, too near her breast.

Well, let’s make it, baby!

He huffs, loud inside his mask, as he thrusts against her like she’s not some accident, like she asked him to meet her here. For this.

And let’s make it, baby!

Distinct lyrics burst into a high, expressive shriek of noise that sounds enough like a woman being pleasured to send a tingle up Peter’s spine. He grinds down hard, gripping the woman’s hip. By the second shriek, her back’s bowing, her hands commandingly squeezing his arms. By the third, she’s moaning as she rocks against him, tearing an appreciative grunt from him in response. The fourth shriek finishes her right before the song. Peter’s breathing hard on top of her, on the jaw-clenching edge of climax himself, feeling her writhe as the music fades out. It just leaves the two of them here, damningly entangled.

After a long silence, his playlist moves on. Peter stares down at her another few seconds as she strokes her fingers across her mouth, then her eyes snap to where she can’t see his through the goggles.

“Oh shit,” he mutters.

The woman laughs awkwardly like those two words are an understatement for the degree to which this has not gone as planned. She didn’t even know the plan, but anyone would know this was not the intended conclusion―a stripper dressed up in a novelty Spider-Man costume should excite, entertain, inspire lust. But he should stop short of dry-humping his client to completion. Yeah, that has to be an unwritten rule someplace. Peter really shouldn’t have needed to read it to know better though. This has just gotten incredibly out of hand and he has no idea what to say or do.

“LIZ IS ON HER WAY!” a female voice yells from the back of the house, maybe the kitchen that the other woman vanished into earlier.

Peter jerks to his feet, still rigid in the front of his underwear. He thinks the woman he just, uh, danced for is requesting help up, but she’s actually pointing. He looks and sees the bathroom just off the stairs.

“I’m good,” she says. “Go before Cindy sees you.”

Snagging his pants from the floor and the vest portion of his sweatshirt from the couch, Peter bolts for the bathroom as the woman sits up from the rug. Inside, his hands quake with adrenaline as he zips his sweatshirt and refastens all the snaps on his pants. He does his best to adjust things so his waning erection’s not too obvious. For a minute, he yanks the mask from his head and stares at himself in the mirror as he breathes. This is not the side-hustle for him. This was his first and last gig as the Spider-Man Stripper.

Mask back on, he returns to the front room to find the woman he was grinding all over standing with her arms crossed protectively as her friend appears to grill her under her breath. They both look at him as he stuffs his feet back into his shoes and grabs his gloves and the blue sleeves of his sweatshirt. He’ll just carry them. If he stood here and began redoing them, he’d probably die from mortification before he got the last snap snapped. He collects his phone, stopping the music mid-song. He doesn’t know what’s playing. Could be his favourite song in the world and he wouldn’t be able to hear it right now over the volume of the look his ‘birthday girl’ is giving him.

“I’ll just, um, show you out,” she offers, shepherding him away from the woman he takes to be Cindy. She doesn’t volunteer anything about the other person, Liz, who they seem to be expecting.

“Great.”

He’s thankful that Cindy gives them a little space and doesn’t follow. They pause in the entranceway. The woman presses two fifties into his hand, avoiding eye contact. Peter clears his dry throat and nods, closing his fingers over the money because he’s more uncomfortable about the idea of prolonging this with a back-and-forth over him saying it’s too much while she insists than he is about the idea that she’s kinda paying him for sex, even if thinks she doesn’t mean to.

She pulls the door open and Peter jumps aside for two women, one very pregnant. There’s a flurry of voices all of a sudden and when he slips outside onto the step before someone can ask who he is and what he’s doing here, he doesn’t expect the birthday girl to come after him.

“MJ,” she blurts out.

He grins under the mask.

“Peter.”

He never gets to tell people that when he’s in disguise, but she doesn’t know he really is Spider-Man. The honesty feels good.

“So, that was…”

“This wasn’t supposed to be… Um,” he starts again, swinging his arms slightly. “That was my first time. Doing this. I’ve never done a routine for anybody before, so I want you to know I haven’t, like, done that with a bunch of people. I’ve never done this. And I think, uh, based on what happened in there, that I probably shouldn’t.” Peter’s laugh is strained. “I really don’t―”

“Do you want my number?”

He chokes.

“What?”

“I… thought I might as well ask,” she says, clearly self-conscious, looking prepared for rejection.

“No, of course I do,” Peter tells her quickly, holding out his phone. “Please.”

“Ok.” MJ gives him a quick smile, then looks at his screen as she adds herself as a contact. He’s grateful she’s the one putting the numbers in. He really can’t be trusted with that. Peter’s not nervous now, just excited as he thinks about using the money she gave him to buy her dinner.

Though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer, he says, “This isn’t the right house, is it?” as she hands his phone back. She laughs.

“No.”

“Yeah, I… kinda had a feeling.”

“Hey, whoever she was, her loss was my gain,” MJ says bluntly, then blushes hard. Peter chuckles to himself, looking down.

“Ummm…”

“Well, I should get in there. Baby shower.”

“Right, yeah, sure, you gotta.”

“But call me.”

“I will. I definitely will.”

“Maybe you can even show me what you look like without the mask,” she says.

Peter nods, body nothing but a cage for a butterfly swarm, then turns. Behind him, he hears Cindy’s voice as MJ steps back inside.

“Did you just give him a hundred bucks?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s what you owe me for going in on the stroller!”

“I’ll go to the bank and take out another hundred right after the party if you want,” MJ offers, sounding unconcerned.

“But a hundred bucks? MJ, he was here for ten minutes!”

“Trust me, Peter earned it.”

“Peter?! That’s Spider-Man’s name?”

“Cindy, come on, he’s not actually Spider-Man.”

The door shuts. Of course he’s not. Peter could no more be Spider-Man than he could fall half in love with a woman simply because of the way she smelled and the fact that she wouldn’t let him off the hook for a lap dance. He starts down the sidewalk with a skip, smiling wide beneath his mask.

#my writing #spideychelle #spideychelle fic #spideychelle fanfiction #peter parker #peter x mj #peter x michelle #peter parker x michelle jones #michelle jones

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kazeofthemagun · 3 years

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Kaze - Character Tropes

[A thing I compiled for fun for my portrayal of Kaze and all my headcanons. There is so much stuff on TVTropes that I may keep adding as I go. He does have a page on it but it's lackluster for my taste XD but here it is.]

[Putting all this crap under a read more cuz that is long.]

Purpose-Driven Immortality / Regenerative Immortality - as long as the prophecy holds and Chaos still exists, Kaze cannot die. When his body is killed, he comes back through regeneration, centered on the Magun.

Soul Jar - the Magun, specifically, his heart that had been transplanted into it and bound him to the Gun Dragon sealed in the Demon Weapon. The vial is warded by very potent magic - supposedly, only another Unlimited has the power to break it.

Touched by Vorlons - granted immortality by Bahamut, the Gun Dragon, upon being accepted as Magun's prophecized perfect wielder - Unlimited.

Cybernetic Mythical Beast - the Gun Dragon and how he came to be - made from the slain Bahamut's corpse and infused with tech, animated by his still-living soul. As such, all Summon Spirits that come from the Gun Dragon and his Magun are also biomechanical in nature.

Dracolich - Gun Dragon is technically undead, while also reinforced with machinery to create a "perfect Weapon". He's forged from parts of his own corpse, bones showing through such as the arms, legs, exposed spine.

Draconic Abomination - Gun Dragon.

Dragons are Divine - Gun Dragon as the Windarian God of Destruction - the title gets passed on to Kaze as his chosen and vessel. Also War God.

BFG - Magun is fucking massive.

Bling-Bling-Bang! - Magun seems to be made of gold, but is really composed of an unidentified alien metal. Shiny tho.

He Who Hunts Monsters - fanatical levels of obsession with hunting everything Chaotic. (His title of choice being literally the Hunter of Chaos, Hunter for friends.) Definitely partially a personal vendetta - his whole world was devoured and his own mind was ripped nigh to shreds - but also a purpose felt strongly through the connection with Magun/Gun Dragon, a Demon Weapon forged specifically to combat Chaos that activates only at its scent, pre-repaired verse. Almost leads to a Van Helsing Hate Crime against Ai and Yu - luckily, Kaze is not that merciless and spares the kids for wanting to live as humans and not demons. All in all, Kaze/Gun Dragon are a cosmic force that opposes Chaos till the end of time. Also Married To The Job.

Collateral Damage - piss him off and you're gonna go. Alongside everything in approximately a 5 mile radius of where you're standing. (Thankfully he learns more restraint with time, attempting to minimize casualties where possible. Still, if ending Chaos requires sacrifices.. so be it.) Probably also Inferred Holo//caust in FFU. He had blown up huge chunks of land to end his foes. Likely killed people or at least animals :/

The Stoic - His personality archetype.

Weak to Magic - Blue Elenium, a special type of water magic that corrupts Soil. As an extension, Kaze is harmed more by water magic in general, seeing as the energy messes with Soil flow.

Trauma Button - having his hand held/touched suddenly. It brings painful memories of his sister, Aura, who died holding his hand. Under Chaos' influence, it was one of the only memories Kaze still had of her, rendering the trigger particularly intense and sending him into dissociative episodes. Furthermore, a fear of Gaudian flowers - the blue phantom flowers that herald the arrival of Chaos. Suffers from visions and nightmares of a very gory nature that involve said flowers.

Shell-Shocked Veteran - of the War with Chaos.

Loners are Freaks - he is an introvert born to a society that abhors weakness as disgraceful and sinful. Has trouble connecting with people - but he also (mostly) doesn't need to. Due to the nature of his quest, accepts his fate as the one who will never fit in anymore. "I am the monster who hunts monsters so that you may sleep at night human. It is a thankless job."

Beware the Quiet Ones - his silence precedes a storm. When he speaks, his words boom as thunder - be they a roar or a whisper. This man wastes no words.

Aloof Ally - self-explanatory.

Tranquil Fury - most of the time. Also, Rage Breaking Point applies when facing Kumo mid-show. Except Kumo promptly wrecks him, without much effort involved. It is only later (After-series) that Kaze recovers most of his power and sanity, and gains equal footing to his rival.

Firing One-Handed - can only do so this way. Only has one hand 99% of the time, the other is bound to the Magun and is reformed only to fire it.

Guns vs Swords - him and Kumo - Demon Gunman vs Demon Swordsman. Gun Dragon vs Sword Dragons.

Hand Cannon - Magun, to a lesser degree Orthrus.

I call it "Vera" - with Orthrus, named after the patron shepherd dog spirit of the sun's blood-haired children.

Improbable Aiming Skills - especially with the Gun Demon sight.

Overheating - the Magun when too many summonings are performed too quickly. As an extension of it, Kaze himself. May result in a death via Spontaneous Human Combustion.

Sawed-off Shotgun - Orthrus, double barreled.

Sniper Pistol - Orthrus.

Trigger Happy - self-explanatory.

Ancestral Weapon - the Magun, passed down the line of the Windarian summoner prodigies.

Made of Indestructium - the Magun, which cannot be broken by anyone short of another Unlimited.

Living Weapon - the Magun. Also, Legendary Weapon.

Shapeshifter Weapon - the Magun, a part of Kaze's body - gauntlet, windmill, gun. Replaces his right arm.

Only the Chosen May Wield - the Magun.

They Call Him "Sword" - except, gun. Kaze views himself as more of a weapon than a person at times. Makes sense, considering he is one - his true body is the Magun, which houses his heart, binds his soul and consciousness, and serves as the core from which his regenerative immortalitysets to work.

Nemesis Weapon - Kaze's Magun to Kumo's Maken. While forged for the same purpose, they govern conflicting energies. Also, Sword vs Gun.

Weapon Wields You - the Magun to Kaze with its funky laser-guided teleportation, always going after Chaos. Oh, Chaos' signature is underneath the ocean? Too bad.

Equippable Ally - Kaze, after reducing himself to the Magun and having Kumo and Lisa wield him to bring out the Gun Dragon.

Human Weapon - Kaze, literally.

Become Your Weapon - Kaze with the Magun.

This is a Drill - the Magun's Soil engine that activates Soil through spiral motion. Combined with a wholeass windmill.

Spectacular Spinning - the Magun's windmill. Plainly put, Spin to Deflect Stuff. Also, Blow You Away applies due to the Tornado Move.

Deadly Rotary Fan - the Magun's windmill used offensively.

Swirling Dust - Soil Spiral on the winds generated by the Magun.

Transformation Is A Free Action - seems to be the case in the series. May not be the case always.

Mechanical Lifeforms - Gun Dragon and all its summons.

Badass Cape - of course.

When Things Spin, Science Happens - the Magun's spinning shenanigans empower Soil.

Stock Footage - the summonings. He is become budget, Destroyer of Chaos. Also Transformation Sequence. Guy has a routine.

Running Gag - his spontaneous appearances, seemingly from nowhere.

Emergency Transformation - soul reforged into a Soil bullet, summoning himself as the Gun Dragon.

Elemental Powers - all the summon spirits.

Soul Power - Soil.

Soul-Powered Engine - the Magun/Gun Dragon.

Merger of Souls - Kaze with all of Magun's leftover Soil, as well as Bahamut's soul that animates Gun Dragon. Also Many Spirits Inside Of One - Endless White as the confluence of all the colors.

Emphatic Weapon - the Magun has a mind of its own, considering it is a vessel for the Gun Dragon.

Shoot the Hostage Taker - with Soljashy. Goddammit, Lisa.

Theme Music Power Up - Demon Gun Dissolve and Demon Gun Shot.

Black Blood - Kaze's blood, corrupted by the Magun's smoke. His earring, made of his own red blood mixed with tree sap, is a reminder of when he was still fully human. Technically also Machine Blood - it serves as a coolant for Magun and catalyst for Soil. Furthermore, My Blood Runs Hot - whenever Magun malfunctions. May be dangerous, as already mentioned.

Important Haircut - Kaze wears his hair long specifically as a "fuck you" to Windarian folk beliefs related to the blood hair curse.

Dark-Skinned Redhead - self-explanatory.

Death Glare - his usual go-to method of communication.

Icy Blue Eyes - a cold stare.

Eyes Do Not Belong There - Gun Dragon, with four eyes on the chest and one on the belly in addition to the four already on its head, also, many other summons, such as Phoenix or Raiden.

Glowing Eyes of Doom - Kaze's special Gun Demon crosshairs eyes, for when the time comes to be particularly scary.

True Sight - Kaze is capable of seeing through most basic illusions due to an extremely sharp spirit sense. Can see certain types of ghosts. Also Supernatural Sensitivity.

Cool Shades - wears a dark lens over his left eye to minimize distraction via Orthtus' muzzle flash. Also, Sunglasses At Night.

Megane - lol.

Lean And Mean - also lol.

Jerkass - he is. Sometimes Jerk With A Heart Of Gold.

Facial Markings - the wave on his nose and the solar marks under his eye.

Power Tattoo - the Embrace (Gun Dragon's claws upon the shoulders.)

Fingerless Gloves - wears an archery glove that covers the pointing finger and thumb only.

Eccentric Artist - also outside of battle. Primarily a poet, draws sometimes.

Being Tortured Makes You Evil - by Chaos, after being possessed. Returned to being good-aligned after some time.

Brainwashed And Crazy - by Chaos, to obsessively hunt Kumo. Now recovered. Also Mind Rape.

Laser-Guided Amnesia - his memory loss and subsequent insane pursuit of Kumo mid-show.

Curse - according to his people's folklore, the unusual color of his hair.

Stress-Induced Mental Voices - happens a lot, bothin hallucinations and the Soil speaking.

Heroic Willpower - to stand strong against Chaos.

Dark and Troubled Past - everything about him. Everything. Also Born Unlucky - cursed from the start.

Sole Survivor - of Windaria's fall.

Last of His Kind - last Windarian.

Meaningful Name - Black Wind.

Rite Of Passage Name Change - from the nickname "Wolf" to his current name, as granted by his clan.

Driven to Madness - first somewhat by his pursuit of power, then more so by Chaos.

No Medication For Me - good luck getting him to medicate for his issues. Chances are it would not work anyway due to his altered nature.

There Are No Therapists - on Windaria.

Good Thing You Can Heal - gets injured or killed multiple times during his quest. Good thing he's immortal, right?

I Can Still Fight! - frequently, especially when Kumo is somehow involved.

Organ Dodge - his heart is no longer in his chest.

Wound That Will Not Heal - still feels a type of phantom pain where his heart once was - the surgery scar is the only scar that refuses to heal.

An Arm And A Leg - the Magun essentially removed his right arm below the elbow.

Arm Cannon - the Magun.

Artificial Limbs - the Magun, replacing Kaze's right arm.

Handicapped Badass - despite possessing only one hand (when Magun not thawed).

Don't You Dare Pity Me! - Kaze and most of the Wind Warriors' culture in general.

All Are Equal In Death - as Soil.

Anti-Hero - also Pragmatic Hero.

The Cynic - self-explanatory.

Badass Creed - “From the Glory of Death, for the Glory of Life.”

Battle Cry - “Soil is my power!” Also Catchphrase and Calling Your Attacks.

Pre-Asskicking One-Liner - sometimes. "What is the matter with the Magun? Why won't you use it?"

Giving Someone the Pointer Finger - “The Soil Charge Triad to use on you has been decided!”

Big Brother Instinct - around Aura.

Parental Abandonment - never knew his parents, grew up on the streets as an orphan.

Summon Magic - Soil-Adherents train in Soil summonings - the Magun allows Kaze control over all summons, except ones of Mist.

Summoning Ritual - the Soil Charge Triad.

Offscreen Teleportation - played for comedic value. Is actually Soil Spiral teleportation, though.

Forced Sleep - induced by Kumo, causing Kaze to slumber for twelve years. Sleep, bitch!

Mage Marksman - self-explanatory.

Warrior Poet - "The gilding of a blood indomitable... True Sanguine."

Religion is Magic - the Soil poetry is sacred to Windarian summoners.

Dark Messiah - as the Dark Unlimited, Hunter of Chaos.

Duelling Messiahs - him and Kumo, who fits the light end of the spectrum. But will Makenshi's purity serve him? Hmm...

In Love With Your Carnage - You can kill efficiently and potentially kick his ass? Hot. Also Power is Sexy.

Magitek - the Magun and all its summons.

Human Alien - Windarians, Kaze's species. Also Proud Warrior Race.

Martyrdom Culture - the Missionary caste Soil-martyring for the Adherents.

#[[headcanon #[[muse meme #what the fuck am I doing? I dunno

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