#ive actually gone completely off topic

[unicornsaures]

i really need to stop projecting onto historical figures

[pyrriax]

hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing

[casual-socks]

HI IVE BEEN MASSIVELY HYPERFIXATED ON TMA FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND IVE SEEN MAYBE ONE (1) SINGULAR PERSON TALK ABOUT THIS and i am not even kidding when i say its been a passionate topic of conversation for that entire year. people know me for this. it comes up and my entire friend group SIGHS AUDIBLY because they know the 20 minute tangent i Will be taking

WHATTTTT IS GOING ON WITH GERARD KEAYS NAME. what. what???? okay i

youre telling me jonathan sims went to oxford college (relatively prestigious if my memory serves me correctly) for RESEARCH. for, to put it simply, READING. and he looks at the name gerard and goes Yeah looks like jared to me lets go with that!!! HELLO?? NO?? not even mentioning the fact that he is being what could easily be called possesed when reading these statements which leaves us with two options

1. the ENTIRETY OF ENGLAND CANNOT PRONOUNCE THE NAME GERARD.

2. jonathan sims is so monumentally stupid that he is somehow breaking this possesion for the 2 seconds it takes to say the name gerard (i love him i swear i will sound so so hateful for this entire post but its out of love)

and like??? its not even that EVERYONE is calling him jared? elias and gertrude have both called him gerard and thats just off the top of my head. i also think jon said it correctly ONEEEE SINGULAR TIME. Just the once.

now i feel it necessary to mention jared hopworth here as well. because why, why on gods green earth, would you name a character gerard. pronounce it jared. TURN AROUND AND GO. lets make another jared but this ones made out of meat and is sort of implied to not be too fond of gay people. Yeah he steals peoples bones. Yeah.

SO LIKE GERARD KEAY IS THE OBJECTIVELY SUPERIOR JARED EXCEPT HES NOT JARED HIS NAME IS LITERALLY GERARD?? FUCK YOU SO MUCH

so okay. sure whatever this podcast is sooo british that a bunch of people are just completely failing to pronounce gerard. sure. whatever you say.

GERRY?????? HIS FUCKING NICKNAME IS GERRY???????????? NO!!!!

NO. no. LOOK ME IN MY EYES. LOOK AT THE NAME GERARD. GER-ARD. AND YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA CALL HIM JARED. SND THEN YOURE GONNA CALL HIM GERRY WITH A G???? gerry with a g. that is utterly ridiculous i cannot even believe this that is monumentally frustrating i cannot even begin to describe to you all the anger i have experienced over this particular bit because why on earth would you take that particular extra step??? gerard -> gerry. sure. thin ice, but sure. jared -> jerry. sure! yeah! makes sense! GERARD -> JARED -> GERRY? you must be playing some sick joke jonny sims. seriously. you are a cruel and usual man

now this is when i start to wind down, but far from where i finish. lets take a moment to really pause and soak in his actual name here.

gerard.

that is so unfortunate already i mean really, gerard is such a…. a name…. i mean his mom skins people and puts them in books and the cruelest thing i think she ever couldve done is honest to god name her son gerard.

keay.

now dont get me wrong. theres nothing seriously wrong with spelling it keay on principle. but god, really? youre gonna shove all this gerard gerry jared business in front of me and tell me his last name is just key but gone the extra mile. really feels like the cherry on top of a shit cake.

now if you consider gerards character i truly feel as though thats the deepest disservice here. gerard keay is an incredible character whos short appearance is so memorable and charming, and despite his VERY little screen time he still has an intriguing and well fleshed out character. really, gerard keay is so excellent character wise. But, every time i think about him for any more than 5 minutes, almost this exact rant is being told to whoever is unfortunate enough to be near me at the time.

another thing i think also really adds to this is just the nature of gerard keay. everything you can say about that guy could be ended with “and everone calls him jared for some reason”. hes emo and everyone calls him jared for some reason. his hair dye job is so miserable that EVERYONE mentions it and everyone calls him jared for some reason. he has mommy issues and everyone calls him jared for some reason.

okay i need to wrap this up before i start just repeating WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY for thousands of words but heres a graph i made for my friends in october 2022 when i was going on about this in the middle of my spanish class 👍👍

[ravewing]

honestly after rereading arc 2 ive realized that ive come to like the idea of qinter than the actual canon version of it.

like at the end of the day ive been a qinter fan since i was in third grade so of course im going to be biased towards it and itll always hold a special place in my heart but i must say that a lot of their canon interactions were just qibli making jabs at winter to a point where it sort of seemed like he didn't like it anymore?? if that makes sense?? dont get me wrong i love the sunshine x grumpy dynamic but with them idk.

i cant lie i feel like the entire jade winglet completely cut winter off and they were always against him even though literally he was completely justified in pretty much everything he did?? like im sorry but him going to save hailstorm (HIS BROTHER THAT HE THOUGHT WAS DEAD FOR YEARS) rather than going to look for the ancient nightwing who has killed hundreds of his tribe was perfectly reasonable. the vase scene was completely reasonable (could you imagine YOUR best friends defending the man who put you under a spell and wanted to commit genocide on your people and wipe them out entirely?? id be pissed as hell). to an extent, winter being suspicious about moon and the cave explosion was reasonable (i do agree that he came off as very aggressive in that, but at the same time you have to see things from his point of view. how WOULD she have known about the bomb?? not to mention how hes been conditioned and indoctrinated to distrust nightwings).

i feel like qibli especially comes at winter for these things and tells him that hes wrong for it and that hes being toxic even though hes LITERALLY NOT. and the whole thing with him saying that if he had animus magic that he would change winter's personality always rubbed me the wrong way. i feel like toxic is too strong of a word but i dont think that theyd be necessarily healthy together, not until theyve matured a little more and have found better ways to cope with their past traumas instead of repressing it and putting on this charming guy who makes jabs at people persona or taking it out on other people through anger and frustration.

in all honesty i feel like tui shouldve gone with moon not making a choice in the qibli/winter/moon love triangle to sort of show that you dont need to be with someone to be happy and that its okay to stay as just friends– icl, thats how i thought that it was going to end when i first read arc 2. i feel as though moonbli was a little rushed, and i do like the idea of winterwatcher (just like i do with qinter) but i dont think that he's emotionally ready for a relationship. also this is unrelated but when initially reading book 6 i thought that moon was going to end up with turtle; ive always thought that theyd be cute together lol.

im thinking about it now and i really like the idea of turtle and winter but i cant for the life of me remember if theyve ever had any one on one interactions. if theres anything please can someone send in reblogs ..

im getting off topic now so tldr i like the version of qinter that exists in my head but i feel like they shouldnt be together in canon, not at least until they sort out their own issues.

[xoxomoonlightxoxo]

Somewhere Between Hello and Goodbye | Ch. 4: Strangers With Memories

a/n: more angst but at least they aren't as awkward, however, after this chapter, I fear it's only going to go downhill for my babies :(

The dreadful No Contact Rule. Difficult not to break when the relationship is over and even more so when the relationship comes to a sudden halt but the feelings are still brewing inside. When the distance is forced and fueled by the guilt of losing that person again. However, I would be lying if I said that Jungkook is no longer part of my life. That I have somehow completely barricaded myself from his presence. How could I, when not even a conscious stream of thought can overcome the yearning of a broken heart? One that still longs for his touch, his sweet smile, his laugh. One that has been holding on to the memories of our past despite the lack of recollection in Koo’s eyes. To him, we are simply picking things up from where they were left off. Not a complicated task in nature until you realise that our story left off with his first and last “I love you, Mira”. So, no matter how hard I try to push him away, the heartstrings of my own soul seem to pull us back together. Even if he sees me as just a friend, I am willing to fight for everything we could have been, until one day he finally remembers it all. Remembers me, remembers us.

Unfortunately, with school starting, everyone has been getting back into their routines, leaving little time or opportunity to actually hang out. Despite this, Jungkook has made a special effort to “build back what he can’t remember”. So, seeing him has actually become part of my daily ritual. Whether that be going on a morning jog or grabbing a quick coffee after class. Like the good old days, we are connecting as close friends, since everything began that way. Before anything, Koo was my friend, one who somehow filled the void of my family when we were separated by an ocean. For that, I will forever be grateful to him. 

Today was like any other. Tae and I met our new cohort leader, the head of the ER department in the local children’s hospital, who was this older gentleman who wasted no opportunity to crack one of his dad jokes. He absolutely adored Tae, said that he saw his younger self in him, and unless he was a sleep-deprived, broke college student, I’m not sure what the correlation was. To be honest, Tae hasn’t been having it easy either. His grandma was recently diagnosed with pneumonia, so he spent the entire summer working three jobs to send as much money as he could back home. Being the only man, and thus, the breadwinner in the family after the passing of his father, he constantly tells me about the guilt he endures being far away from his mom, younger sister and grandma. The three women in his life he would give up anything for. And, as I’ve watched him slowly run himself thin, I have grown to be protective of Tae myself. Although he is older, in my eyes he will always be like a little brother to me. One whose shoulders carry the weight of a whole lineage.

Packing up our staff after class, Tae recommended we try the new pastry shop that opened by our dormitory. One that he first mentioned when Jungkook was admitted into the hospital in hopes of cheering my numb self. However, during that period the aching pain in my heart wanted nothing more than to be by Koo’s side. So, seeing that this time Tae was the one in need of support, I made sure to take him up on the offer as we indulged in our daily debrief. At the end of the day, we might not know how to properly give an IV but you best believe that we know how to run our mouths. In the span of half an hour, we managed to cover every possible topic known to men, ranging from the rise in the cost of eggs to the hideous new haircut the grumpy librarian decided to debut today. Our conversation could have gone on for hours until it was abruptly interrupted by the buzzing of my phone. 

Koo: Will 20 minutes be enough for you to get ready?

Mira: Depends … where are you taking me? 

Koo: It’s a surprise, just wear something comfy ;)

“Who got you smiling like that?” Tae chuckles teasingly, seeing that his words have lost my attention.  

“Oh nothing, I’m sorry, it’s just Jungkook,” I say, nibbling on my lips to suppress the urge to keep smiling. 

“What did he say?” he leans forward taking a sip of his Americano. 

“I think he wants to go somewhere?” my words drag on as he searches my scattering eyes. 

“Now?” 

“Well, no you’re right, I’m just gonna tell him that I’m busy,” I try to comfort Tae with a smile, sensing the guilt of leaving him alone.

“No, I mean, don’t you want to freshen up? How much time do you have?” he mumbles, gaze softening at my flustered state. 

“Oh, are you sure? I hate to pause our little hangout,” 

“There’s always tomorrow,” Tae assures with a boxy smile. 

“Okay, I’ll see you at breakfast, alright?” I say, packing up my stuff before we wave each other goodbye.

Thank God, the pastry shop was a short walk away from the dormitory as I suddenly realised how valid Tae’s suggestion of a shower was. Let’s just say that today’s clinical was one for the books. Not only did I spill a whole IV bag on my scrubs but I’m pretty sure that there are still some pieces of dried cream in my hair as one of the older patients refused to cooperate. So, as I finally managed to open the front door, I headed straight into the shower, washing myself free of the chaotic aftermath. 

Debating between a woven sweater and a cashmere pullover I settled on the one Koo loved the most. “Peaches, you’re so soft,” he used to say, pulling me into a tight hug as his hands caressed the delicate cashmere. I wore it on our last date before the incident, the one we spent on Oceana Beach talking about the future, our future. Miraculously, after all this time, it still had his scent, the sweet vanilla musk lingered like the memories of our past. I remember crying sleepless nights, holding the cashmere close to my heart as if it were the only thing left of Jungkook. With my eyes closed, I could almost feel his warm embrace. 

Beep Beep 

My reminiscing, however, was interrupted by Jungkook’s arrival. Quickly touching up my makeup, I grab my purse and phone before locking the door behind me. Maybe it’s from the actual physical rush or the fact that I get to see him again, but my heart sure is beating hard. I could practically feel it in my throat. And, the appearance of his bunny smile as our eyes finally met certainly did not help it either. 

“Sorry to make you wait,” I say out of breath, tucking some stray pieces of hair behind my ear. 

“No worries, I just came,” Koo assures softly, leaning back on his car. 

“So, where is this mystery destination?” I grin teasingly, folding my arms in front of my chest. 

“Surprise, remember? Ladies first,” he grins back, opening the passenger door, before helping me buckle up. And, just like that, my heartbeat went through the roof again. 

Driving down the bridge, we were in awe of the beautiful sunset that covered the sky in warm tones. Blasting our favourite song, Jungkook rolled down all the windows before pausing his phone just in time for the high note. And, as silence filled the car I could feel the flush rise up my cheeks from the sheer embarrassment that was my singing. It wasn’t just a voice crack, it was the complete demolishment of my dignity. 

“Yah, how could you betray me like that?” I scoff in disbelief, rolling the windows back up to shield myself from the passing cars. 

“I couldn’t help it, you looked so concentrated,” Jungkook chuckles, mimicking my singing face. 

“Okay, relax, eyes on the road bunny boy,” I smirk, turning the music back on.

“We’re here,” he says, turning into the parking lot. Looking around, chills run down my spine as I realise where we are. The Oceana Beach. This means that while I was fully immersed in our karaoke session, Jungkook unknowingly drove past the exact spot where he lost consciousness on that cold, winter night. All this time, I’ve been trying to avoid this place in hopes of erasing the image of Koo’s frail body lying on the side of the road. Now, I have to act like none of that happened, since he doesn’t remember any of it. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Jungkook’s voice pulls me out of the spiral, as my chest heaves up. Feeling his hand on mine, my body almost jolts from his touch, unable to hide the fear rushing through my veins. It all felt so surreal, to be looking at him alive in flesh but knowing that the Jungkook I once knew was no longer there. 

“Yeah, I … I just remembered something,” I lie with a nervous chuckle, unbuckling myself. Helping me out of the car, Jungkook looks concerned, eyes searching mine. 

“You sure, you’re alright? I can drive back jus…” 

“No, no don’t be ridiculous. I swear I’m all good,” I interrupt his sentence with a reassuring smile. Reaching for my hands again, only this time with slight hesitation, his worried eyes meet mine as his thumb caresses the back of my palms. 

“Mira, you’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” his words are layered with a tone of fear, uneasiness, and genuine worry. But, there’s a short period of silence, as my mind filters through possible replies. 

“Of course,” I manage a small chuckle, swallowing down the lie. With a nod of acceptance and a soft sigh, he intertwined his fingers with mine, taking the bags from his trunk before walking us toward a small spot by a campfire. Setting everything up, I was commanded to just relax, covered under a woven blanket.

“I used to love making smores when I was little,” Jungkook smiles, handing me a bag of marshmallows, before covering himself under the same blanket. Jimin was right, he could still remember the earlier years of his life, but nothing of the recent events. 

“Can’t relate, I somehow always burned mine,” I frown as he can’t help but laugh, scrunching his nose and letting that bunny smile come on full display.   

“Hey, don’t laugh,” 

“I’m sorry, but how does one mess this up?” he leans closer, nudging my shoulder before looking back at the sparks. If only time could stop and we could stay this way forever. If only he could feel the way my heart ached at that moment. 

“So, Mira, do you have a boyfriend?” his sudden question brought me back again, as my eyebrows visibly furrowed from the bluntness of his curiosity. 

“Why? Are you trying to pitch an offer?” I chuckle, leaning closer to the fire to warm my hands, before looking back at his teasing grin. 

“Just trying to figure you out,” he replies softly, eyes searching mine. 

“I used to,” 

“Oh, yeah? What happened? 

“He moved away. Long distance didn’t work out,” I reply slowly, allowing the fake story to play out without succumbing to the tears. 

“That sucks, you guys don’t keep in touch at all?” Jungkook’s curiosity is innocent in nature but naive to our past. I can’t even get mad at him for digging deeper, even if it hurts.  

“I’m not sure he remembers me anymore,” I sigh, replying almost defeated. 

“That’s a lie. Who could forget you?” he laughs, shaking his head in disbelief, blind to the irony of it all. 

“Yeah …” a little chuckle escapes me as well, as my eyes dissociate into the distance. “I'm pretty unforgettable, aren't I?” 

“Pretty and unforgettable,” Jungkook replies with a quick wink, covering my shivering body with his share of the blanket before taking a bite of my half-burned marshmallow.

--

Replaying our last conversation in my head, I felt bad for snapping at Jiah at the mall. It was totally uncalled for and simply a projection of the thoughts that haunted my mind. Not a fibre of my being meant it as we rarely ever fought or even came to a slight disagreement with each other. To be quite frank, during that time it seemed like every interaction I had was like walking on a minefield. With one wrong move, I was destined to blow up and take everyone else down with me.  

Not being able to talk to her freely pained me, as I grew to miss my best friend with each passing day. And if one thing was for sure, then it was that Jiah deserved an apology as she fell victim to my self-destruction. So, after a few hours of crafting a well-developed apology, I made my way to her apartment, which was literally a level below mine. Nonetheless, the walk there seemed never-ending, most likely due to the sheer panic I was experiencing. It wasn’t fueled by the fear of her reaction but the shame I felt from how I treated Jiah. However, none of it mattered anymore, as I stood in front of her door, hand ready to place a few knocks. That is until it suddenly swings open and our eyes finally meet again. 

“Jiah,” I mumble before she pulls me into a tight hug as tears stream down both of our faces. No words needed to be said. Everything was understood through the emotions we were experiencing. Melting deeper into her embrace, my face dug deeper into her hair as the sweet smell of coconut filled my senses, reminding my body of her aura. I missed her so much that I could physically feel the void in my heartache as my teary eyes searched her sad gaze. 

“Jiah, I’m so sorry,” I manage to let out as she gently wipes the tears off of my face. Holding onto her hand, I keep it close to my chest as my heart beats faster. 

“It’s okay, love. I’ve missed you so much,” she says softly, tucking a few pieces of stray hair behind my ear. And, just like that, we were back in each other’s embrace, making up for the lost time we were apart. Catching up, we spent the whole afternoon discussing everything that happened since our falling out. She showed me the emerald jewellery set Jimin gifted her for their 1 year anniversary and the pictures they took following their celebration. They looked so happy that I couldn’t stop smiling. If they ever break up then I’ll know that love isn’t real, because in my eyes they were destined for each other. No one understands Jiah better than Jimin and no one cares so deeply for Jimin more than Jiah. Simply put, they’re soul mates. 

Feeling lightheaded from all the tears we’ve cried, I suggested we go out to grab some late lunch, or early dinner before going on a walk around campus. Jiah was quick to agree as she changed into some jeans and a hoodie before grabbing her purse and keys. Stopping by my dorm, I quickly touched up my makeup in hopes of not scaring innocent civilians from the aftermath of my mental breakdown. And, as we rode the elevator down to the main lobby, Jiah and I were inseparable once again. That is until my eyes widened at the sight of Jungkook standing by his car, shuffling in place to keep himself warm.  

“Oh? Jungkook? What’s wrong?” I stutter, worried eyes searching his. 

“Sorry Jiah, but could I steal her from you?” he asks softly, as Jiah's face turns to mine. Hiding the way her chin was trembling, she didn't know how to reply before taking a deep breath. 

“Call me when you get back?” she nods, separating her hand from mine as I pull her into a hug.  

“I’ll bring you some pastry from the new shop Tae recommended,” I say with a reassuring smile before waving her goodbye. Making sure she got in safely, my eyes turned back to look at Jungkook’s bunny smile. 

“How did you know I was here?” I ask with a skeptical tone, slowly making my way towards the car. 

“You really don’t think I pay attention, huh?” he says teasingly before opening the passenger door. 

“You mean to tell me that you’ve memorized my schedule?” I scoff, looking up at his softened gaze. 

“Pretty much,” he replies with a grin, leaning onto the door frame before caressing my cheek with the back of his palm. 

“Hey, were you crying?” Jungkook asks, concerned, as I cover my red cheeks with my hair. Way to not be obvious, Mira! I guess, my attempt to hide the fact that I’ve been sobbing for hours failed miserably since he managed to notice it after one glance. 

“Oh, yeah, it’s nothing. I promise,” I shake my head with a soft smile before looking back up at his worried eyes. 

“Mira, you know you can always talk to me, right?” his words are followed by a deep sigh as he crouched down before my still form. 

“Of course, I know that, Koo,” I manage to let out a giggle, patting his head in hopes of making him feel at least somewhat at ease. In all honesty, however, I knew that he wasn’t fully convinced, but I also didn’t necessarily hate that. Because a small part of me hoped that maybe, his curiosity would somehow help him regain the memories he once lost.

“Anyways, where are you taking me this time?” I try to change the subject, as his eyes look back at mine. 

“I need your help,” he replies, buckling my seat belt before heading to the driver’s side. 

“May I know with what?” 

“A song. A love song,” his voice is abrupt, but still layered with tease. 

“I beg your pardon, a love song? Jungkook If you think I’m going to sedate you with some vocals then you are greatly mistaken,” I scoff with my arms folded in front of my burning chest. A love song? As if seeing him again isn’t hard enough. Now, he is giving me yet another reason to cry at night. 

“Shhhh, I’ll explain everything when we get there, just sit back and relax,” he assures me with a sly wink. 

“Mmhhm,” I nod, loosening up the seatbelt before crossing my arms over my chest. Navigating through all the turns, my mind is trying to piece together our destination, until we finally stop at a brick building near the campus gymnasium. 

“Koo, where are we?” I ask cautiously, scanning the premises as he opens the passenger door. 

“It’s a studio my buddy owns. Don’t worry the inside looks more welcoming than the outside,” Jungkook grins, locking the car as we make our way up the stairs.

“Be careful here, they’re still under construction,” he points to a hole in the wooden floor, grabbing my hand as I tip-toe behind him.

“Right, and this buddy of yours, you know how?” 

“He used to produce for the band the guys and I were in. The Bulletproof Boys,” he replies proudly until I burst into a cackle, which promptly faded the smile on his face. I couldn’t help it, I was still not over the first time he mentioned the infamous band name. The Bulletproof Boys. Peak comedy if you ask me. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you,” I try to regain my composure looking at his pouty lips. 

“I’m not laughing,”

“Okay, then I’m laughing at you,” I tease again, poking his side as he opens the door to what seemed like a small recording studio.  

“Hey, guys! Come on in,” a man’s voice welcomes us into the dimly lit room. 

“Hi hyung, thank you again,” Jungkook shakes his hand, before looking back at my flustered face. I’m usually not as awkward but something about being in a room with a stranger, Jungkook, and a hypothetical love song just did not sit well with me. 

“This is Mira, she’s going to be our female lead,” Jungkook smiles, giving me a sly wink. A lead? I really do hope he is kidding. Is today April Fool's or something? Where are the cameras? 

“Sounds good to me, who wants to go first?” the man asks the both of us, as I try my best to avoid his eye contact. Fiddling with my thumbs, Jungkook could sense that I was becoming more and more uncomfortable. So, he suggested that we go in together since it is my first time doing something like this after all. 

“Just follow me okay?” he says softly, helping me put on the headphones before handing me the lyric sheet.

“Alright, let’s just see how the melody plays out, okay? Jungkook, if you want to jump in with your vocals now, by all means. But, Mira, you can just use this take as practice. I want you to get comfortable with the lyrics,” the producer explains, giving me a thumbs up as I nod okay. 

Following Koo’s lead I tried to mumble the words under my breath, getting the feel of the song. And, to my and probably everyone’s surprise, everything was going somewhat okay? We were able to finish recording the intro in under an hour and have just gotten to the pre-chorus. After some practice, I was beginning to feel capable of managing this project, until my ears were pierced with a sudden “I love you,” projecting from Jungkook’s microphone. 

“Oh?” I let out a loud gasp, covering my mouth as my eyes shot up at his form across the booth. Searching my flushed face, he grins, pointing to the lyric sheet on my stand. Furrowing my eyebrows I begin scanning the lines with my finger, realising that he was singing one of the adlibs. However, what came after almost made me sick. Suddenly, it all felt a bit too real. Shutting my eyes, I tried to regain my composure, and within a second, I was back in that hospital room, sitting across from Koo’s frail body as his thumb caressed my palms. 

“I love you, Mira. I’ve been loving you this whole time,” his sweet words played in my head, as tears rolled down my face. Feeling the knot in my throat, I was practically screaming, but nothing came out. I couldn't do it, not then and not now. I couldn’t say the words he desperately deserved to hear. And just like that, I was back in the booth, only this time, my heaving body was plopped on the floor surrounded by both Jungkook and his producer. But, before they could ask me anything, I rushed out of the room, virtually sprinting towards the nearest washroom, where I hoped to lock myself from the outside world. Closing my eyes, all I could see were the replays of that scene before they were suddenly interrupted by the knocking on the stall door.

“Mira! Mira, open up, it’s me,” Jungkook’s voice is heavy, almost breathless. 

“Are you in the women’s washroom?” I yelp in disbelief, wiping the tears off of my face. 

“There’s no one here, come out, please,” he pleads softly, moving back as I slowly open the door. Lowering my gaze, I fold my arms over my chest before leaning back on the stall as if I didn’t just pass out in front of him. Taking a deep breath, I tried to explain myself before feeling his arms wrap around my shoulders as our bodies melted into a tight hug. Oh, Koo, if only you knew how much I missed your warm embrace. 

“Mira, please tell me what’s wrong,” Jungkook whispers, burying his face in the curve of my neck, as I feel his breath on my skin. 

“Koo, I told you, I’m fine,” I managed to lie, placing my hands on his shoulders to create at least some distance. 

“Fine? You dropped to the floor and were unresponsive,” he shouts, furrowing his eyebrows from frustration as his hands grab mine. 

“I … I think my period is coming soon. The days before are always killer,” I explain, trying to convince the both of us, before feeling his worried gaze search my scattering eyes. 

“Your period?” he confirms. 

“Mmhm,” I give him a few nods, feeling his grip on my hands slowly loosen. Tucking the stray hair behind my ear, Jungkook leans closer, tracing the trail of dried tears on my face before letting out a soft sigh. 

“Okay, I believe you. I’ll always believe you, Mira,”

Please, don't.

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[katya45kg]

Weightloss tips u may not know about or do but don’t know the science behind them 🩷🫶🏻

1. After a 48hr fast your dopamine receptors reset. For example: a mars bar gives u a dopamine hit? Gone. Try eating fruit now, it will taste better, sweeter & its more healthy for u. - source “Fast like a girl by Dr Mindy Peltz”

2. The reasons why people can’t stop themselves from binging is because of sugar and flour. Eating those foods or food containing them MAKE u hungry. The best way to satisfy yourself after a meal is to cut those products out. I eat only fruits and vegetables and i find that after lets say 2 tomatoes or a banana, i feel satisfied. Some days all i eat is a piece of fruit for snack and a salad for dinner & im fine. - source “Bright line eating by Susan Peirce Thompson”

3. After 3 days of fasting, the hunger goes away. Push through it & you’ll notice it gets easier. When u break your fast ALWAYS do it with something healthy like fruits or vegetables. Going back to like ice cream will ruin the dopamine receptors and you will crave unhealthy foods again. - source I can’t remember but ive heard it heaps on YT videos & ive tried it and can vouch for that tip.

4. After 2mins of running or high intensity exercise, your body runs out of energy & begins to fuel you by producing cortisol to keep u going. High amounts of cortisol results in your body storing BELLY FAT. So if u happen to notice that u store belly fat mainly, that could be the reason. Source - Autumn Bates on YT (i forgot which vid but i think maybe it was a tik tok, sorry.)

5. Starvation mode is a myth. Look at prisoners of war for example. They are so emaciated due to lack of food, if “starvation mode” was true, they wouldn’t end up like that. Maybe u may not loose for a few days but that is your body holding water or possibly gaining muscle, if it prolongs further than this see my next tip. Source - i forgot im so sorry, possibly a podcast?

6. Your body has a natural rhythm known as the circadian rhythm. This in short like an internal clock that regulates our sleep-wake cycle and other bodily functions. It helps us feel awake during the day and sleepy at night. It's influenced by factors like light exposure, hormones, and daily routines. It means that your body doesn’t digest food the same at night, if at all. It isn’t supposed to. If u feed yourself after 6-8pm, the digestion process is slower, much slower. This can cause to hormones being released at the wrong time, storing fat, keeping u awake etc. It is best to not eat after 6pm (if u heard this tip from ur mother growing up, it is actually science backed, its not so u “eat less & that makes u loose weight” its because u stop eating after a certain time. It is actually because your body isn’t designed to digest food late in the night and so u loose fat easier.) Source - “Change your schedule, change your life by Dr Suhas Kshirsagar”

7. Birth-control whacks out your hormones. If u are on BC & find u have all these cravings & can’t seem to restrict, thats most likely the reason why. A lot of doctors will tell u “its just water weight” but thats not the case. The constant stream of synthetic hormones keeps your body in a state that similarly reflects how u feel the week before your period (bloated, craving, tired etc) and u feel this way continuously. Im not saying go off birth-control but if you are puzzled as to why u may feel like this & u are on BC this may be the reason. Source “Your brain on birth control by Sarah Hill”

8. Also on the topic of hormones, if u aren’t loosing weight no matter what u do or its very slow progress, it can be due to a hormonal imbalance. Exactly which one im not sure, it depends on you and your body. U can see which hormones are out of balance via online tests (idk what to google i read it in a book). Completing tests online can give u a rough idea of which hormones may be unbalanced and then u can go to your doctor and request certain tests to medically check. Your dr can then advise you on what to do to balance them. You may also have hyperthyroidism which can make u constantly tired, unable to loose weight and sensitive to stress. Source - “Hormone repair manual by Lara Briden”.

That is all i can think of rn. I have read all books i have sited & many many more. There is definitely a huge science to weight loss and i may make another post in the future stating what i have learnt. Most books are written by drs or people of similar qualifications. I applied all these to my life and loose weight continuously. My mother is also a certified nutritionist, personal trainer and life coach & she also follows all these things & has read the same if not more books. She is almost 50 & bmi 18.3 & has consistently been this way for my whole 21yrs of living even after having 3 kids. She doesn’t loose weight due to her high calorie intake (like 3k cals a day) but she also doesn’t gain weight so if u follow these examples by restricting u will see major weightloss. I also have lost 5kg in 8 days from following these tips this relapse & last relapse i lost 30kg in 4ish months from these tips.

[craqueluring]

hi i LOVE ur acc and i was wondering if u had any ideas on this cause i cant seem to like. figure it out? in mizumono hannibal's like "do you think you could change me? the way ive changed you," and wills like "i already did." and i was like WOAHSJDGF. but like also how? i get the general feeling that he changed to view himself capable of love and realized he did actually want understanding and acceptance?? but i feel like theres a shift in his mindset based on his actions im not getting?? or rather how will changed him? like what of wills actions led to it? if that makes sense?

OMG hi!! i think this is the first ask ive gotten of someone asking me about what i think of a specific scene in hannibal and i am SO excited about it, so thank you!!!!! and also for saying you love my account, it means so much <3 thank u thank u thank u

okay but YES i have many ideas about this, I'm gonna go back to a couple lines before this, though, and go line by line and explain how i personally interpret this scene and topic!! sorry this is so long i got excited <3

warning: i make a lot of assumptions about hannibal's past which i am not 100% sure about, because the show makes his past very very vague. i am mainly going off just what the show implies and tells us, not the books.

also, there is a TLDR at the end of this!

-

hannibal says, almost exasperatedly, "my freedom, then. you would take that from me. confine me to a prison cell" and then looks at abigail. she looks down, almost guiltily, and i feel like in this moment everyone is remembering how hannibal took /will's/ freedom from him and confined /him/ to a prison cell (using abigail's fake death). and he is acting like it is somehow unfair that will would do the same to him.

but hannibal /is/ right in that he and will took or were going to take each other's freedoms for entirely different reasons. hannibal confined will to a prison cell because he was trying to change will for what he genuinely thought was the better. this is evident by hannibal saying "i have always had huge faith in you, will" and "i think you are more in control now than you have ever been" and the rebirth themed episode directly after will gets out of prison. will's imprisonment was to change him. this change was not only will being more "in control," but more in tune and intimate with his "urges," and generally more intimate and less afraid of the parts of his mind he had been trying to suppress.

after hannibal says "...confine me to a prison cell," and looks back at will, he looks thoughful for a moment. that is when he says "do you believe you could change me, the way i have changed you?" because he is asking will if he believes that he could change hannibal by imprisoning him (which was his "plan" with jack for most of s2b), just as hannibal changed will by imprisoning him. 

will replies with "i already did," the script says after that, "hannibal studies will a moment, realizing he's right." will did not need to imprison hannibal in order to change him. by just making hannibal feel this kind of love, devotion, and trust, he had already changed hannibal drastically. i dont believe hannibal had felt what he felt for will since mischa 30-40 years ago. to really put it in perspective, hannibal had gone through his entire life probably completely alone, letting nobody close to him like he let will be close to him. he never let himself be seen, and never let himself trust enough to experience anything like this (presumably).

will's changing hannibal is also shown physically by the entire scene in mizumono happening at that moment. hannibal massacred everybody in his own house. this is not the way he kills. his kills are not impulsively reactionary or born of emotions as intense and volatile as he was feeling in response to will's betrayal. will himself says hannibal's kills are like "pests he's swatted," born of annoyance at best. this killing and violence resulting from a situation of genuine, deep hurt is entirely new for hannibal. like i said, hannibal had not let himself truly be seen by anyone other than will in a very long time, and he trusted will in a way he didnt even trust bedelia in season 3. when hannibal found out will's betrayal of him, he was heartbroken. heartbreak is not something hannibal is supposed to open himself up to. he is supposed to be in complete control of his emotions and actions. but he wasn't, and he did open himself up to this heartbreak. so, this cocktail of emotions is completely and entirely foreign to hannibal (other than mischa), and he unleashes it all in the mizumono massacre. what hannibal does for will makes him act in ways he does not and has not acted before, generally.

semi-TLDR: so, will changed hannibal because he was the first person hannibal loved and trusted in this very vulnerable way since mischa. because of this, he was the first person capable of betraying hannibal in such a deep-cutting way. will caused hannibal to let himself experience love and trust again. and also heartbreak and betrayal. these volatile emotions are all behind hannibal's mizumono massacre, which is absolutely uncharacteristic of him (at least, up until this point). in this way, will changed hannibal.

as for the consequences of this change in hannibal: hannibal is grappling with this realization/coming to terms/figuring out how to deal with his love of will (and will's betrayal) during mizumono and post-mizumono. he doesn't know what to do with this change in himself. s3a is literally just hannibal trying to figure out how to deal with his uncontrollable obsession with/love of will and what to do with it. and also how to deal with will's consistent rejection of him (mizumono betrayal, the knife in the uffizi gallery, and the digestivo rejection). secondo is where he concludes that the only way he can forgive will for making him feel this way (and for his influence of hannibal to betryal himself) is to eat him, as he did the same to his sister. when they're back at will's house after the brain eating is interrupted, and after the consequent muskrat farm massacre, hannibal is regretting something (either the brain eating, killing abigail, or opening himself up to wills "influence" at all. or all three.), and starts writing theoretical formulas to turn back time in a notebook. after will's final rejection in digestivo, hannibal turns himself in. hannibal is All Over The Place after he starts loving will and lets himself be heartbroken by will: he kills abigail, runs off to europe, tries to kill will and eat his brain, then regrets it and tries to convince will to let it go, and then puts himself in prison after will rejects him. i'm not going to go into the reason for the prison thing because this is already getting too long, lol.

hannibal is known for being able to control his emotions and calculate his actions very carefully. hannibal literally says "you cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love." and bedelia says "what your sister [and now will] made you feel was beyond your conscious ability to control or predict." hannibal is used to being able to control and predict his emotions. the appearance of his uncontrollable and unpredictable love and forgiveness of will is in direct conflict with what hannibal is used to, and this is the change in hannibal that will caused.

full-TLDR: will changed hannibal because he was the first person hannibal felt love and trust for in this very vulnerable way since mischa. because of this, will was also the first person capable of betraying hannibal in such a deep-cutting way. will caused hannibal to let himself experience love and trust again. and also heartbreak and betrayal. these volatile emotions are all behind hannibal's mizumono massacre, which is absolutely uncharacteristic of him (at least, up until this point). after hannibal runs off to europe, he doesn't know what to do with this change in himself. the entirety of s3a is largely hannibal trying to figure this out, and he concludes by putting himself in prison.

-

of course there are many different ways to interpret this very complex scene & topic, so those are just my thoughts (which are admittedly a little shakey still, lol) i hope that kinda answered your question, or you at least got something out of this! :]

[mutedeclipse]

Can you talk more about your swap au?

I know this is a pretty popular au of mine so I'm honestly not shocked that I got asked about it.

I have a clear favorite who ive drawn several times (arachne) because he is just like me fr. But ive gotta get around to drawing the other prismatic bombers again, or even the loser squad or whatever i called the dastardlies. All characters that I need to draw again eventually...

I do want to address what happened to the other left out bomberman siblings in the au because there's actually a pretty interesting story behind aqua initially actually starting the whole concept.

That's right. Aqua. Why aqua? Well because Aqua was actually the first character I fixated on in the bomberman series all of the previous art I've done of her is basically gone off the internet because I deleted it from Twitter but I made a lot of art of her in 2021. Near the end of 2021 i drew this

Evil aqua karaoke swap ooo edgy, nothing came of this. Ontill.... Nearly a year later. Where i revisited the topic.

Once again nothing came of it. it was just a silly concept revisit. Then when I was revisiting the topic again A year later, last year.. I decided to make an au of it.

The thing is I decided that the prismatic bombers would make more sense being the primary colors, that and the core personalities aligned the best with the roles of each given dastardly. Because I didn't really change the personalities at all, at least in a drastic and unnatural way. they're meant to be a natural sort of outcome to their environment Because I grew up around the undertale swap au whole deal and thought what they did with Sans in particular was kind of ehhhhhh... Making him wildly out of character and just sort of a cute uwu baby. I didn't want to fall into that trap so making Aqua swap with karaoke would feel completely out of character.

The same thing happened with pink and green being that there were better fits for them on the cast so why not just go with them instead... Maybe I could get away with making a few more what-if style designs but for now they remain unassigned and undesigned... The closest thing ive done for green was in my R-ewritten au where green had a whole other alter ego named greenade, had a costume and everything... That au is fucking deranged.

This as a whole being said its honestly my least developed au other than the core traits and designs... Its kinda a shame this one is the (vocal) fan favorite but i guess its not all that shocking considering that most of the other ones are dead by twitter purge, in purgatory or dont have a name so everyone just thinks im just drawing classic bomberman characters ... So I honestly don't blame people who like it! Especially since it's got the bomberman Bros in there and the bomberman crowd on here tend to like them more than the dastardlies from my personal observation.

[dreemurr-skelememer]

☆g od i could write a college thesis on how many plotholes there are in canon and why it doesnt make sense and is simply is not Good GDJSJ

☆it's actually kind of sad bc the au had so much potential and all of it just. Gone. Because of bad writing choices

☆what do you mEAN you set up a cool interesting tragic backstory for this funky little purple guy and then kill him off immediately afterward what do you MEAN his body is now infected with a diy 2018 era slime kit gone wrong that for some reason hates all minorities for no reason other than "the audience is supposed to hate him so ill give him every unpleasant trait imaginable" what do you MEAN dream's only character trait is happy sparkly twink why do none of these characters have depth

☆that said i do kind of enjoy lanny based off aesthetics alone (shes a funky lady made out of water), story role not so much???? She apparently was in love woth nim pre-incident and then freed dream and trained him post-incident??? Her literal only canon character traits are "gay" and "shouts a lot" which says quite a bit about canon's writing quality i think

☆i usually completely ignore canon, it doesnt exist if i look away long enough

"diy 2018 era slime kit gone wrong" god help me 😭😭😭 nightmare and his apple mukbang

"that for some reason hates all minorities for no reason other than 'the audience is supposed to hate him so ill give him every unpleasant trait imaginable'" ive fully avoided this topic because ive ranted about this exact same thing on my blog a few years back but i'm never gonna be over it. canon bigot nightmare keeps me awake at night

but yeah 😭😭😭 canon makes me livid and youve summarized most of my gripes with it

[hexhomos]

I'm sorry if you've been asked this before but what are your thoughts about Arcane potentially being canon? I do not like it.

And if you don't mind answering another question, how do you feel about the way people sort of interpret Jayce and Viktor?

I don't think it's a good idea and it strips away many of the interesting things about these characters and the *universe's story as a whole* to exclusively represent the simplified, time-limited version of events that could fit the runtime of a TV show.

I've been asked this before and I always say this: Arcane is the MCU version of league lore; with the same strengths (improved visuals, the fast pacing of a cinematographic adaptation) and same biggest weaknesses (flimsy story summarizations that sacrifice a lot of the compelling narrative and kill entire characters)

I've been a comic fan for nearly as long as the MCU has been viral and I can tell you every attempt to retcon MCU events into the estabilished comic universe has not worked. It has the opposite effect of interrupting character arcs and stories people actually like and undoing pre-estabilished facts about the magic of the universe, driving away fans of the original medium while failing to attract the new movie/tv-show audience to check out the original, because those are completely different demographics.

It's even worse with Arcane, as we already KNOW one big joke in the fanbase is "even if you like the show, dont play the game. It's stupid bigoted redditor shit and it sucks" - there's an entire genre of arcane fan accounts who are militant about not playing the game and encourage others to never play the game. I don't think league's execs understand this, though, which is why we are seeing this current trend of a DRASTIC pullback in any and all lore-related content for league coming from higher-ups, and some of the old estabilished writers leaving the company while CEOs promise they're trying to find "an unified version of the narrative experience."

To stay on topic here and also answer your second question; ive rambled at length about jayce viktor interpretations in my meta tag. I reccomend you to look there! You'll notice i havent gone into specifics about what in arcane's narrative is weaker since its included on those.

I'd like to finish this post in another way though. In the long run, I don't think it matters that execs are trying to force narrative retcons despite the internal and external negative response to it. Fans will always like the specific thing they like, and in this scenario, start to define what versions of the universe/character they're talking about by release year or authorship, which is already happening in league. This is why the vikjayce codex exists and will not change, and this is why you see people using "2011/2016 lore" and "jayce giopara", etc.

Remember all these MCU retcons I mentioned? Whenever a movie is past its expiration date and the story element they tried to fit into original canon is considered a fad, it's just rewritten back to what it used to be. The newest marvel news this month is that CEOs decided to kill kamala khan ahead of her upcoming movie, as the MCU couldn't fit her signature elastigirl powers and they want to swap those out for the dumb purple magic the movies gave her instead. This will not last, as these never do. In 4 years she'll be back to normal, and in the meantime, elastigirl kamala will continue to exist in all her source books and videogames. The same way league's original bios are preserved and spin-off game content like the LOR comics or Convergence will continue to exist; I can't change any shortsighted decision from the CEOs, but fans as a whole have systems to define different universes and pick the version they like best.

Arcane has been called an AU by people who've worked in LoL's narrative, and is just the newest shiny thing. It is not "canon", as it never fit any part of the current game universe, and any future attempt to "make it canon" is just another permutation of an AU. I would encourage anyone who's nervous or anxious about retcons to not give a shit and disregard it altogether. If it doesn't work, you can always change it back.

[riveriafalll]

hiii i love nttd, it's been one of my fav fics since the moment I found it!

any chance you still remember how you came up with the concept for it? it's so cool, and all of the reprecussions really work for me

also, any chance of an out of context sentence from the next chapter? 🌹

I may have squealed when I saw this ask, thank you anon, you guys mean the world to me <33333

NTTD was actually the first Harry Potter fic I ever wrote, aside from a very cringy twin sister fic I wrote when I was thirteen. What I really wanted to do with this, was write something new. I’m sure somewhere someone has written something like this, but personally I’ve never seen a fic where Draco dies at this point in canon, and it was such an interesting part to start with, especially with the goal of making it a Drarry fic.

The very start of the process was probably thinking about how traumatic the entire ferret situation was for Draco - there’s so many memes made about the entire thing, and hcs about ppl making fun of it in world (think Albus Potter bringing a ferret to school), but that’s gonna leave a scar on your pysche.

Your body was forcefully changed into something foreign, probably painfully, and then you were humiliated in front of the entire school, turned back, and then not believed when you claimed that you were injured, despite having visibly hit the floor (book canon). And then my brain went, okay, but what if he d i e d.

And hence ghost!Draco was born.

I had a very vague idea of what the story was going to be - I knew I wanted ghost!Draco and Harry to date, I knew I wanted the Slytherins to adopt Harry and for there to be house unity, and I knew how I was going to resurrect Draco at the end (spoiler!).

Everything else has been completely unplanned - the Slytherins personalities developed along the way, Theo started flirting with Hermione out of the blue, Hannah bounded into the scene from no where, Luna started being cryptic, half the plot was made up as we went. Even now, I have a few plot points I want to get to, and a few scenes that are crystal clear in my head (I have one of the Yule Ball that makes me laugh), but everything else happens as it happens.

In the most recent chapter, ive ended up with the POV from the dragon that Harry and Cedric are fighting! I mean, I don’t even know where *Julia* came from!

So NTTD has always been very much a character driven plot, with focuses on the relationships between the characters, and I’ve very much gone off topic and started rambling, but essentially it was such a unique and striking place to start, something that changes the entire dynamic of the series to the point where canon is completely out the window, that I couldn’t *not* write it.

It’s also been a chance to explore all the tropes and fixes I would have loved to see in the actual canon, as well as poking fun at the stupid things JK thought we were going to let slide.

And yes, you may have an out of context line <3

According to Theo, who had run after her [Hermione], Cedric had burst into tears at the sight of the book, and had been inconsolable until someone went to fetch Cho.

New chapter incoming soon-ish (it’s at 3k already and I’m only half done 😭) and thank you for your ask!

[robbiethompsonlongcon]

so wait. i have questions.

if heaven connects the multiverse, what happens when multiple versions of the same person in multiple AU worlds die? do they all fuse into one entity in heaven? like, is the dean we saw in spnwin an amalgamation of every version of dean that has died and gone to heaven in every universe? what does that mean for a human soul, is each iteration of a human only a fragment of a soul? a clone? or are they individuals? do they all have separate heavens next to one another but fully inaccessible? or can you go next door and hang out with your alternate universe selves? that would be pretty disconcerting..

WAIT NO. no, that cant be right. as cool as i think it is, its not right. obviously there are multiple iterations of heaven, considering that there are multiple iterations of the angels. and it's clearly a Thing that alternate universe heavens aren't supposed to be connected, bc the AU iterations of the angels couldn't just walk through some already-established rift in heaven, otherwise the entire apocalypse world plotline would be completely moot. like, apocalypse michael could have just walked into prime universe through the rift. so how are these situated? is heaven like, partitioned out like this?

(please excuse the utterly shit quality, im drawing with my finger on a cracked phone and im bad at it)

so we have the garden which connects all the heavens, and then heaven prime partitioned off from heaven alpha, beta etc, each one then linked to their respective actual living universe? or is it more like garden -> heaven -> earth, but like sheets of paper all stacked up on top of one another in "the world between worlds" voidspace? how does that work metaphysically.

since theres au heavens and au hells, are there au versions of purgatory, or do all worlds dump all their monsters into the same purgatory? what about the empty? is every version of Cas that died in every alternate universe just piled up in the one singular empty?

(if i was a fic writer, this is where i would write about an empty rescue where dean has to wade through a sea of AU cas. i would also write a self indulgent fic where the benny we are told died in prime universe was not actually benny prime. but i am not a fic writer.)

if there are multiple empties, are there multiple shadows? or just the one, existing in every dimension in the same way that chuck is implied to? did god decide to be chuck in every universe, or are there universes where chuck was "just" a prophet? that would make endverse being a real alternate universe clash a little less w the final seasons.

except there's still the problem of, how could zachariah the middle management sub-choir angel (principality?? seraph?? power?? what choir is zachariah. this is so off topic.) open a portal to an alternate universe but not either of the two most powerful archangels? ive seen great theories about angels being specialists in different areas, e.g uriel smiting towns and cas taking memories (im so fucking sorry i dont remember who posted that, its so good im so sorry) but even so, why didn't apocalypse zachy just open the prime universe for apocalypse michael once he set his sights on it? so im still thinking endverse was a pocket/illusion dimension.

and when prime universe tfw released the darkness, did amara get born in every universe or just the prime one? was she still locked in the mark in other universes? if she's the same.. uhh.. species as god, and his equal, shouldnt she be just as omnipresent in the multiverse? or does that mean each universe has its own iteration of god? or would that mean he created himself? ow. paradox migraine. if prime chuck created every other chuck, then every other iteration is just a facsimile and not truly chuck. and if that's true, did they even really beat chuck by beating him in only one iteration? or can AU chuck just open a portal and idk re-grant himself godpowers? what about AU jacks, are they still nephilim? or did every version of jack become god when prime jack did?

on that note, when chuck started to destroy the multiverse, what happened to amara in those iterations and also in general? was she captive in every universe as long as she was captive in the prime universe? is she even really gods sister, or did he create her for Plot Reasons? bc in other universes, dean still had the mark. or cas had the mark. or cain kept the mark. but amara got free in, and was, as far as i remember, only a threat to, the prime universe.

and how did dean get the letter for john from henry? even if henry gave it to dean in As Time Goes By, i doubt dean carried that particular letter on his person when he died. it could be a heaven thing? anything you want, you just wish for it and you have it kind of thing. but also how did dean get bobby? obviously he went back to the roadhouse at some point? unless the point is that heaven is still an illusion since Somethings Up With Jack, and dean did the same thing with the letter, and just *wished* for bobby who popped up in the car. cause that certainly doesn't seem like a good and equal heaven, if you can just wish someone was with you and poof! they will be summoned to your side without their consent. which would mean that's Not Bobby, it's an illusion. it was never actually bobby.

so did dean even actually make it to another universe? or is he trapped in an illusion and the whole thing was a distraction, which is why jack said no meddling and then proceeded to let dean meddle in the most timeline-destabilizing ways possible, giving his parents the colt and his journal, telling them god exists and is a dick? because it doesn't matter, it never mattered because none of it was real?

im gonna rip out my hair what is this. jensen. JENSEN. what is this. i need to think.

[bye-bye-firefly]

I’m really glad that ao3 doesn’t have an actual pro-ai policy at the moment! I’m planning on doing some research on what Unseeliekey brought up just to at least understand what he’s talking about. I was honestly really confused and freaked out reading what he was saying. But yeah, I’m sad too. You’ve got the right to remain right here with me and it’s a little more fun when I’m with you are two of the fics that made me not only get pretty into Saiou but also made me more attached to DR and into reading fanfiction in general. And it’s just like really upsetting to see something that had that much of an effect on me be gone and know that not everyone who is in the fandom or will get into the fandom will be able to see that.

I also really hope that there’s some sort of way to glaze works too. Making stuff inaccessible to guests is always sad. When I first started reading fanfiction I was a guest and like a lot of people don’t use accounts for various reasons and it’s just sad to think about account locked stuff. And it would be so nice if the ais would just Not. Like why can’t they???? Why???

Anyway, right now I don’t think there’s any full proof, everyone will be able to be happy way to prevent the ai scraping but I’m sure you’ll figure something out that’ll be alright for at least what can be done at the moment. Your works are very cool. I really, really love them. They bring me lots of joy. Thank you for all the joy. It’s super awesome.

okay this is a REALLY long answer because i went on a whole rant so im going to cut this for people who are just scrolling normally. but also im totally going to put this into my pinned tag

a lot of what was said was like. Half true. my counterpoint to him saying that ao3 supports cp or rape or sexual assault is that no matter where you go on the internet, you will find shit like that. EVERYWHERE. ao3 doesnt support it i really seriously doubt that anyone outside of those spaces supports shit like that but ao3 is an ARCHIVE. and when you put things in the archive, you are allowed to submit whatever the fuck you want. setting rules on what could be put into the archive automatically means that other fics, which explore the topic in a critical, non-fetishistic way, are ALSO up to scrutiny. fics that explore the psyche of trauma victims? they might not be allowed. regular degular fetish content, no minors involved? completely up to scrutiny. im really not a fan of censorship OR some of the shit on the internet, but i can only control ONE THING and thats what i allow myself to see. i really dont like people saying that ao3 deserves to be taken down because of that because then that would mean twitter deserves to go down, social media as a whole deserves to go down, and just generally i dont trust people who push the "think of the CHILDREN" argument. you see republicans push that when theyre trying to ban trans or gay people out of existence so INSTANTLY alarm bells start going off in my head, not to imply that i think every single person who pushes that argument in this context is republican or right-wing. just bothers me and looks like a red flag

and to instantly get it out of the way im not involved in the fucking proship/anti discourse that whole distinction feels like destruction of critical thinking antis are often puritanicals and would kill me if they saw what i write in nameless and gasp at published books that delve into topics they think are off limits and many of the proshippers ive come across are weirdos who think that its totally normal to write romance between minors and adults in a positive light like its NORMAL and that we shouldnt think less of people who do that but fyi i am totally thinking less of people who do that and im totally thinking less of people who hate me for writing my unhealthy/toxic/abusive/codependent relationships that dont even fetishise those kinds of relationships like GET OVER IT!!!! BE NORMAL!!! GO OUTSIDE LICK A DOORKNOB KISS A GIRL DO SOMETHING!!!!!

if there is ever any advice i can give to people its to form your own opinions and dont try to put a strict solid label on your opinion because sometimes you will betray your label and youll think to yourself "am i even really that thing......." people are complex and hold many different opinions that sometimes contradict one another and thats fine. logic your shit out dont fall for charming little labels that pin you strictly on one side of an argument it makes you less likely to actually reach a point where you have a strong opinion that makes sense AND can compromise and thus bring someone more onto your side. forever

ANYWAY YEAH! i settled on making it so my osomatsu san fics go account only on the 20th and then also some of my older danganronpa single chapters go account only with them, but the multichapters im currently working on will go account only when theyre finished, with exceptions for when theres rumours going around of a scrape. makes me so oo oodofooafgofjgj mad GRRAAGGHGHGGHG

but thank you i am glad to bring joy to people's lives. readers and comments bring me a ton of joy and im glad that i can give that back to everyone ^_^ i seriously cannot thank readers and commenters enough like i never feel like i get it across well enough how grateful i am for everyone who reads my stories and gives me kudos and the people who comment like. it brings me so much joy that i cannot properly verbalise EVER

[noendsonlymeans]

i just have some thoughts to dump .

i first heard of wednesday a few years ago and "fate is..." was definitely in my top 5 most listened to songs on spotify in 2021 or 22. i didnt know til recent that mj lenderman was a member and didnt know til like yesterday that they might be even better (to me!!!!!).

my first full listen to their live album they put out in later 2023 was yesterday and it changed things for me. embarrassingly enough i only took interest in tyler childers a few months ago. after this neocountry ( i know thats not what its actually called ) awakening within me ive been on a quest to find a good country sounding band that fused with my other genres of interest well. like better than pinegrove well. a honky tonk shoegaze project would be an incredible thing to stumble on, though no im not sure how its going to work with time keeping and all that whatever, no ones proven to make it happen since. but mj is the closest i have ever gotten.

about halfway through the album, i was able to identify something about mjl's familiar vocal... cadence? and place it with neil young. from referencing dylan, john daly, rodeo clowns, michael jordan, tom brady, jack nicholson, jackass, and rust on a grill left in the rain, american citizenship and our often borderline-unbelievable and ever-entertaining popular culture in the digital age help define mjl's sound, especially on this combination of previous releases. from ethel introducing gen z coastals to dale sr. to realtree camo being in casual rotation in an urbanites closet for work or dive hopping, americas "middle" aesthetics are becoming more recognized and thus more commodified. as someone raised in the rural midwest to now residing in the urban midwest, the sudden "trendiness" of articles of clothing or topics of conversation that used to embarrass you if your dad sported either in public, is both affirming and maddening. if you have ever been to a meat raffle, if the deer and fishing openers were treated like holidays in your hometown, or if youve ever resided at a residence within 1 mile of a "trump store", then you know there is a certain valor that comes with it. it wasnt pleasant. it wasnt comfortable. but it was something you did, you survived, and you still probably feel like home there. im getting incredibly off topic and wil probably revisit this concept in a seperate manor........

anyways all that above is to be said because i need you all to know that i do recognize the sin i am committing in this next statement which is to refer mjl's voice with noneother than ontarian neil young. their tenor-ish ranges, along with each of their tendencies to undermix in favor of a raw, though mjl isnt pushing any major life lessons or reflecting on their 20s in any of this album (yet).

knockin, the second track, is where i officially got hooked. i love bob dylan. i love obscure interpolations used within songs. but the only other artist to reference a lyric as common as "knocking on heavens door" that comes to mind IMMEDIATELY is lana, and mjl did it complete justice. on similar note, rudolph was able to become a highlight for me for, once again, a dylan interpolation.

screaming "you are very girl to me!" doesnt have the same affect as passively referring to a love gone as simply "a sunday", but mjl's lyrics immediately reminded me of a few childers lyrics. i cant help but think these asheville guys are childers fans due to the addition of the cover of 'long black veil'. yeah sure its a classic country!, but mjl's lyricism suggests to me that this is more of a reference to a reference, of course referring to "jersey giant" (ORIGINALLY BY TYLER CHILDERS).

dunno how to wrap these. i was just so so impressed with this album and happy i finally bit the bullet and took the internets suggestion to give them a chance.

8.5/10, id like to listen to their discog and hear the studio versions of each song as well.

[straykits]

KAT!! i finally had the time to read evening star and let me just say i knew it!!!!!!! me and y/n are in the same wavelength when it comes to suspects and speaking of her, poor little thing. i like that you kept it realistic that she doesn't have a clue how to actually fight and do all those running away things on her on bc let's be honest is very very unlikely that any princess would and it's fun to watch her learn stuff as she goes, i would even go as far as saying it makes it more relatable (? no really the word but you know what i mean). now changing topics completely i have to say idk who i ship more 😭😭😭😭 i'm a bit biased (literally lol) with minho but THE SCENE WHERE CHAN IS ABOVE Y/N:&7;7;7;78; i literally had to hold my breath like!!! are they gonna kiss??? are we even supposed to WATCH THIS!???

and idk why but i was hoping minho would be much more inviting?? like from the beginning and all, but i think it make much more sense the way you did it, especially bc minho himself has that cold prince vibe to him. also it makes the scene with him and y/n on his garden very cute to me, like he's keeping that cold façade but it's like 2s alone with her and he becomes soft spoken KDKDKJDJ and also 2.0: i would be mad too if someone got to my house and insulted me like ?? bangchan gets a pass bc oh my the man has gone though it (and lets be honest he's quiet jealous lol) but in the words of the very wise taylor swift 'you need to come down' babe!

anyway you were great as always and i be honest reading it kinda makes me wanna write again 🫣 other than that i hope you doing well and thank you for writing it <3 can wait for whats next!!

*inhales* rIIIIINNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA omgomgkgkgkskxjisjdnd i woke up and saw the notif and i read it as 'soulseungmin' and i was like :0 wonder who that is, their un reminds me of rina BUT IM JUST CURRENTLY EYE-GLASS DEPRIVED AND IT WAS YOU !!

ahh yes! with the fighting thing !!! like YES she enjoys lesrning hoe to throw knives (is she good at it? we'll never know 🥴🥴) and YES she wants to be a hero but at the end of the day, she isnt trained in combat. one of the things that sometimes irks me (especially in anime, but i always let it slide) is how the protagonist suddenly knows how to fight when the time comes,,, but like. throw your average citizen into a fight and.. well.. do they really know how to /properly/ fight? like, beyond throwing a punch (which a lot of people dont actually know how to do effectively) and extending a leg to kick? BUT anyways thats me going off track.

re: chan scene. "are we even supposed to watch this" CACKLING IN BED SJNDSJNDND

YESS MINHOOOKDNDKSNXKSKXKSNDKDND i had a few reasons for writing minho the way i did at the beginning/when yn ans chan first meet him but i dont wanna say too much even if its not too spoilery HAHA but yeah afterwards, a lot of the interactions between chan and minho are kinda like. 'well he started it!!' so they just back and forth w their rude shit 💀💀 absolute CHILDREN smh but im!! glad u mentioned the garden scene hehe i really liked writing that scene but im not sure how i feel about it. like on one hand it feels forced/out of character (???? its literally your character kat how is it ooc) but on the other, like you mentioned, it reveals another side of him???

hm kind of side note bit o think of all the characters, minho is definitely the one that i have the best understanding of/is the most developed 💀💀 which maybe isnt smth i should admit as a writer but aaaaanywaaaays HAHHAHA hes a fun one to write, yet ive been struggling w him in part 3 RIP LMAO

anyways hehe i was hoping to get part 3 our before end of my break but its end of my break already 💀💀 but i'll try not to make it a year long wait again HSJSNDKSMSMSMD

[isaacathom]

for anyone keeping up on the epistolary thing, i decided lotmv doesnt really have the vibe i want, so ive just gone and sketched out the structure for a completely different epistolic romance Thing. drama! great

the gist is there's this centre of magical learning thats quite prestigious, and difficult to get into. generally, you need to be either related to a former alumni, rich as all get out, or come personally recommended by a person held in esteem by the college.

One such person is a guy we'll call Lord L. He has his estates, one in a bustling little port and another in the country, and his niece A working as one of his secretaries at the former. She handles much of his incoming mail and categorises it for his convenience, as well as handling more routine things that do not require his attention.

B is a young woman of nothing, who gets it in her head that shes going to attend this university. being flat broke and related to noone of note, she decides to shoot her shot - she sends a petition for Lord L to write her a letter of recommendation.

A receives this, goes 'are you kidding me', and writes back to tell B that there's no way his lordship would ever confer such an honour upon her, if it were even something he was able to grant.

B shoots back that of course it is within his power to grant, as he has done some on at least two occasions in the past, and his significant contributions to the college's funds place him in the esteem necessary.

A says sure he's done so previously, but those were the relatives of trusted advisors, generals, and so on. Surely B would be better off asking someone nearer to her for this sort of recommendation?

B says there is no-one near her.

A relents, tells B to resend her petition, and tells her the odds are low.

To which Lord L, finding the petition "bold", writes up a letter of recommendation.

B all but blows a raspberry in letter form, and pledges to continue writing to A of her significant accomplishments at the college to prove to her that she made a mistake turning her down in the first place.

And so it goes. B continues to write A. A considers the matter hilarious. B considers it a matter of pride. And as time goes on, they grow closer by letter. B is the far more open and honest of the pair, slowly spilling her heart, admitting to failures, so on. A is rather guarded, opening up on slowly and in parts - her first major confession of note is that, as a young woman of a "prime age", she has been all but hounded by suitors for years, none of which she has especially fancied.

At some point, B gets A a birthday gift, using money she scraped together in between her various classes. A, privately, considers it among the tackiest and ugliest things she's ever beheld, but that the gesture gives it charm.

Later, B's letters start containing more adventures, and more news from outside the college grounds, as she has found a companion who can afford such things (we'll call him C). A's responses to these letters start to get more bitter.

B notices after a while, and calls A out. Clearly, this correspondence no longer brings her joy. What would she have her do? If there is a topic she wishes avoided, say and she'll make it so. Or would she rather communication cease entirely, that she might be free to pursue her whirlwind romances without petty interruption?

This is the point where things shift, because A's emotions are guarded to herself, not just B. She gets angry at the implication that she'd been anything other than honest when she said she enjoyed their correspondence. SHe does not actually explain what her issue is (which is that she is both envious that B is getting to see and experience so much, and jealous that C is the one to enjoy it with her).

B, for her part, takes this response equally poorly, believing that A's noble arrogance must assume her too uneducated and foolish to understand anything beyond surface words. Things so on. Both are projecting heavily.

The letters stop. The section includes journal entries and an unfinished, even more bitter letter from A, which she wisely chooses not to send.

A few months later, B sends another letter, apologising and attempting to end the relationship more positively, taking the time to heap praise on the things she has enjoyed of their ~year or so of communication. Very honest and earnest.

A responds cautiously, apologises for her part, and offers the explanation that she was simply envious of B's great journeys. Still dishonest, but less so. She tentatively requests B continue to write, if she so wish.

The two resume slowly.

By this point, neither has met in person. At some point (around now seems fair) B is summoned by Lord L to discuss her progress. Despite working for him, A misses the chance to see B proper, and B doesn't appear to notice A at all in the Lord's manor. Both note their regret at the missed opportunity, though A had at least seen B physically.

Time passes. B and C are picked as part of a big learning excursion of sorts, where a group accompanied by a professor will roadtrip this bad boy, heading to various other schools of learning. B pledges to continue sending letters from each location, and encourages A to write responses (which would be delivered to B's college, to be read on her return)

B writes her letters.

And then she stops.

And A doesn't notice for a little while. She expects delays now that the two are much further away from each other - where previously a letter would arrive within a week (so a 2 week round trip tops), now the delays are larger, it might take 2 weeks for a letter to get to A. So she waits patiently.

And waits.

And waits.

And she starts to write letters that are not responses, and not quite questions. She claims in the first that she is simply 'keeping her hand in', that she'll go rusty if she stops writing, and so she'll continue to talk as though someone is listening.

And talk.

And talk.

And she gets more honest the longer the gap becomes. She confesses to being scared.

A newspaper clipping talks about rumours of foul magic at a university in the city B was visiting, various students vanishing from the grounds.

Another letter from A, wishing B well.

Time goes on.

She continues to tell B about her problem with suitors, how they are ever persistent and her father's disappointment only grows. That she fears she'll have to make a choice soon, and wishes she had B's confidence to simply choose a course of action and forge forward.

Eventually, A sends a final letter, thanking B for her letters. She cannot continue to wait and hope in vain - it's keeping her from moving forward, and doing what she must. One of her recurring suitors has invited her to his estate, and she intends to attend. She supposes she has grown fond of the man, and perhaps, one day, she will love him as well.

Love him as well as be fond? Or love him as well?

B sends a letter to C's parents - curt, not quite her normal style.

C was a remarkable man. If she is able to bring him back to them, she will.

Time passes. B makes her return proper, having been involved in "some mage shit" (i havent decided exactly what). Her return is likely marked by a letter from the college to Lord L about the matter (possibly should've had one earlier as well, whomst to say). She writes a letter to A.

A does not respond. Instead, it's the other secretary who worked for Lord L. A no longer works for the his lordship, having departed some time ago.

B asks where she might be - could she have her address, or else have a message forwarded to her? No. Supposedly, A did not wish to be reached.

Scattered diary entries from B about trying to track A down, trying various avenues.

Diary entries from A, about her life on the estate.

A diary entry from B, saying she had finally resolved to simply ask Lord L. Lord L, true to his character, bemusedly informs B that A had gotten engaged (x time) prior.

at this point, the vibe is that B wants to at the VERY least deliver a letter to A that responds to all she said in her absence, and to wish A well. Depending how much drama we wanna milk changes a few things

Has A already been married, or is it still an engagement at this stage?

is her husband nice enough but still kind of a twat (after all - no contact?)

Like, B writes a very passionate letter to A's new address, and as something of a parallel to the start of the story, it's not A who responds, but her fiance, all but saying 'do not fucking attempt to contact my wife ever again'. Fascinating. Could even hammer home how little A is aware of the matter through continued diary entries. But you can still get the vibe that she cares - her birthday rolls around, and though she is showered in magnificent gifts from her fiance, she still pulls out the horrifically tacky gift B got her years ago. Hell, maybe one of the gifts from her fiance is explicitly framed as 'you can replace that dreadful old necklace' you fool its SENTIMENTAL.

theres a couple of ways the funk with it, depending how long you wanna fucking spend in Second Hell. B possibly putting A's attention to detail to the test by sending another letter under a false name, with the hopes it slips past the fiance but is sufficiently ???? to properly catch A out and make SOMETHING happen. who knows. how much drama does one bitch need.

obviously it all ends, eventually, with the two being able to properly meet in person, FINALLY. years in the making. and then like, well - do they elope or no. these bitches gay. if the fiances a dick then absolutely lads. and so on

tl;dr bitches start writing letters out of a weird spite/humour thing, accidentally catch feelings, fall out, get back together, get fucking vanished for long enough that one of them gets engaged in the other's absence, yeehaw?