#ive been losing it while waiting for them to post it back up again
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kalicox · 1 month ago
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NOWHERE IS FINALLY UP AGAIN AND LIFE IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE ANYMORE
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aethelwyneleigh27 · 1 year ago
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Ex-husband!Simon "Ghost" Riley Drabble
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Hi lovelies! Lia here again, I've been quite busy with school so I hope you guys can be a little patient with content since I've been stuck on a slump and there's a lot of things I'm currently busy with at the moment because of school despite posting so much last week. Here's the weekly content and I hope you all enjoy :)
Also how do you all feel if I write works inspired by old gacha songs? And yes I used to be a gacha girly, it was some wild phase AHAHAHA
My CoD Masterlist
Taglist: @wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simping4konig @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @shadofireshinobi @thesnowurzikdjinn @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @cutenote @connorsui @capuccino192 @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @the-second-sage @starryylies @everlastingmoonlightsworld @keiva1000
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Brainrot, Ex-husband!Simon "Ghost" Riley who decided he wanted to get a divorce with you because things weren't working out between the both of you, so you had to share custody of your daughter.
You managed to get yourself together, having no time to grieve that part of you that he took with him because you had a little one depending on you. You loved that girl for all she was, however she brings you and Simon together.
Not that you resent her for it, god no, it wasn't her fault you and your husband couldn't see eye to eye.. that he refused to retire after everything, maybe it was just your paranoia getting to you. You couldn't stand the fear anymore, the fear of one day he's not the one you'll see when you open the front door but Price.
You forgot how difficult it was doing this on your own until now, you could barely get up, your head was actually killing you. You pushed through, making your daughter breakfast.
You felt like you were about to throw up, ears started to ring and everything else felt numb. The next thing you know was your eyes rolling back and everything going black, the last thing you heard was your toddler panicking, calling you over and over on the verge of crying.
All while you were unconscious, your little one runs to your room to look for your phone to call her dad.
"Listen I know we—" Simon said expecting you on the phone before getting cut off by his daughter..
"Dada! Momma's dead, dada. Momma's not breathing!" In a panic, she cried it out like a mantra. Simon was in a panic, he got up from where he was and was speeding towards what used to be your shared home.
The next thing you know, you were hearing the beeps of a heart monitor. All your senses were working, all except sight.. you didn't have enough energy to open them, in the coldness of your whole body from the well ventilated room, you felt warmth on your hand.
It was all too familiar, calloused but so gentle and warm. Simon.. it was Simon. All while processing this situation, all that's going through Simon's head are the what ifs.
"Fucking hell, help her.. My wife, she's been unconscious for thirty minutes. She's breathing but it's faint and she's burning" Simon almost yelled in a full panic, he was doing his best not to snap at the hospital staff but how couldn't he? Hadn't even realized that he called you something you weren't anymore, the title he took with him.
Your little one holding her dad's hand in the waiting room, she was observant, an emotionally intelligent little girl who holds her dad's hand. Simon keeps reminding himself to calm down, how much his bumblebee must be terrified, far more than he was so he takes her in his arms.
Sooner or later they were allowed to enter, doctor said you were stabilized and only collapsed from a horrid fever and so much fatigue. Thinking of losing you, just like that with no warning would be the second time Simon would lose you.
Now watching you unconscious, IV tube connected to you because of course you haven't been eating well either. It made him rethink everything, was it a mistake to give you those papers? Was it worth it losing the one person in his life who he would give his life for with no hesitation?
All he could do for now was sit next to you, no matter how long it takes for you to wake up because he doesn't have the strength to leave, maybe in a day or two but not now..
Part 2 anyone?
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unitato722 · 4 months ago
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hiii ive just read ur most recent post and holy shit you write good smut😭🙏 if youre taking requests could you do thigh riding donnie? PLSSDSJDKSK
Hey hun, I'm glad you enjoy my posts! I can 100% write my favorite beanpole for you.
Minors DNI
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Donnie had been working lately, but then what was new? You knew going into the relationship, and even before that, that there would be times when you wouldn't see him for weeks. You had been waiting to see your lovable dork of a man for two weeks, pushing three, and while you normally wouldn't have minded, you had an issue.
You'd been laying in bed that night fantasizing about all these different scenarios in your head. Before you knew it your shorts were discarded and your favorite toy was shoved inside of you as you worked desperately to get off. But you couldn't.
Tears of frustration were coursing down your face hours later as your arm started to lose feeling from moving the toy inside of you, yet you still weren't able to cum. Was it because you and Donnie had been getting intimate recently? The memory of it causes fresh tears and a new wave of wetness between your thighs.
It seemed as if you were unable to get off by yourself, which only meant one thing...
You walked into the lair a few hours later in a sour mood. You scared Mikey half to death as he came around the corner with a plate of nachos, nearly throwing them in the air. "Holy shit dude! You scared the crap out of me!" He exclaimed as he clutched his chest with one hand and the nacho plate in the other. "What are you doing here at this time? It's like 1 am."
You rolled your eyes as you nudged your way past him. "Just had a bad day. I came to see if Donnie had emerged from his lair yet," you admitted.
As if on cue, a hollow crashing sound came from the lab. You bolted towards the door and yanked it open to reveal Donnie who was sitting in his rolly chair with his head in one of his hands. He looked drained, like he hadn't slept in days, and he probably hadn't. On the floor were two plastic cups in a puddle of what smelled like old coffee.
You approached your boyfriend and put a soft hand to his face. "Are you ok?" You asked as you looked him over.
"Yeah," Donnie breathed out in response. "I think I'm finished, but the final product needs to sit for 48 hours so I figured I'd get a nap in." He stared hopelessly at the cups on the floor again, looking for all the world like he was completely drained of any and all energy.
Luckily you were used to this, and you hurried over to the clean up station to get a wet rag. You could tell that the turtle wanted to protest but he couldn't bring himself to scold you for it either. He watched as you cleaned up the spill and washed your hands before coming to stand in front of him.
"You look exhausted," you nite softly.
"I feel exhausted."
A beat of silence passes as you look into each other's eyes. Finally, Donnie pulls you closer until you're sitting on his lap and gives your forehead a kiss. "Thanks for cleaning up for me sweetheart, you didn't have to do that."
You silence him with a peck on the lips. "Of course I do, you can barely stand," you retort. You take a moment to give him a slow, passionate kiss and you can feel all the tension rush out of his body as he melts into it. Once you break apart you stand, grabbing his hand to lead him to the bed he kept at the back of his lab. Your purple turtle boyfriend collapses onto the mattress with a groan and you giggle.
You shift your legs as you watch him lay against the bed, body all lean muscle and sculpted abs. As Donnie sits himself up against the headboard he groans again, this time low in his chest. "Fuck babe, I can smell you from over here," he eyes you, still at the foot of the bed and gestures for you to come closer. "Do you really like me that much?"
It's said teasingly, but as you crawl up the bed you can't help but nod. "I'm sorry, I can't help it. You're just... So attractive," you admit with a blush.
Donnie's cheeks heat at the compliment, not used to receiving such praises. He chuckles and lets one hand come to caress your face, churning when you lean into the touch lovingly. "If I had any energy left I'd ravish you."
You smile. "There will be time for that later," you insist, but Donnie shakes his head.
"Oh no, I can see that your pent up. Just look at you," he coos. "So needy aren't you? Why don't you show me how much you need it?"
The words hang heavy in the air for less than a moment before you're crawling onto his lap to straddle one of his large legs. You whimper as the large thigh beneath you flexes and Donnie lets out a hiss. "Holy fuck, I can feel you soaking through my pants," he groans out as his hands find your hips.
All you can do is moan in response to the friction. When your boyfriend tugs at your pants you're quick to strip them off, along with your underwear, before returning to your seat.
Donnie groans as you grind against his leg with fervor, heat building in you like it had earlier, although this time you were determined to see it through. So lost in finding that pleasure you were that you didn't see the turtle beneath you staring at the lewd wet patch you were making on his pants. If he wasn't so drained he would have teased you, maybe even edged you before taking you here on this mattress. But right now he was entirely focused on your pleasure.
A bounce of his leg has you gasping and clutching at his shoulders for some semblance of stability. "F-fuck," you pant out, "it f-feels so good~"
The steady up and down of his leg paired with the way his hands were moving your hips down had you seeing stars. Had you been more aware you might have been embarrassed about how easily your man was drawing sounds out of you with just his leg. But here you were, gasping and crying out as that string pulled tighter and tighter.
A hand found your face and moved it so that you were looking right into the eyes of your lover, and it caused you to topple over the edge. Donnie's eyes held a fire even through the exhaustion. The way he looked at you was thirsty and desperate, like he couldn't bear to look away from you. "God I'm so lucky," he whispered before pulling you down into a kiss as your high washed over you.
You moaned into Donnie's mouth as you fell apart on top of him before collapsing into his arms. A low noise caused you to look up at your lover, only to find him staring heatedly at the large wet patch you had left on his leg. Your cheeks heated as you dug your face into his chest in shame. "I'm so sorry Donnie, I-" you're cut off by his lips.
"Don't you dare apologize. That's the hottest thing I've ever fucking seen."
Too tired to change into new sweats he simply pulls you down to lay with him on the bed as he begins to doze off. "Don't get too comfortable now baby. Once I wake up I'm going to fuck you until you can't walk straight," he growls into your ear before nuzzling into your neck.
God you couldn't wait.
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steddieas-shegoes · 2 years ago
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Part 2 to this post
When gay marriage became legal, everyone expected Steve and Eddie to run to the courthouse and get it done.
They’d waited long enough.
But they were watching the news on a hospital room television instead of their home, keeping Wayne company while he received his last chemo treatment.
It had been a really rough six months, Eddie taking the brunt of caring for Wayne so Steve could work and pay the bills for all of them. But they wanted to.
Wayne had done so much for both of them, he deserved to be taken care of now.
The doctors had said he was getting to an age where the chemo would most likely only extend his life by a few years at most, that the cancer growing in his body would only be stopped temporarily by this drug that made him weaker than any cancer could.
At first, he didn’t want it. He told them both it wasn’t worth putting his body through it at his age, but Eddie convinced him through tears that he wasn’t ready to let him go yet.
And Wayne always did have a soft spot for Eddie’s tears.
Every other Friday, Wayne was brought to the hospital by Eddie, sometimes accompanied by Steve if his day off lined up right, hooked up to an IV of fluids and a harsh chemo mix, and kept for observation for 8 hours to ensure it didn’t cause any major issues on his frailer than he’d like to admit body.
The last treatment hadn’t gone well. Wayne ended up having low oxygen levels and high blood pressure, so they kept him overnight. Overnight turned into 3 nights, four days, which is sort of like a cruise to the Bahamas if you take out the fact they were in a hospital in Indiana.
Steve was holding Eddie’s hand as they all watched the tv, their silver wedding bands from a decade ago resting on their ring fingers.
It didn’t have to be legal to mean something to them.
Wayne had been much livelier over the last 24 hours, his blood pressure back at a normal for him level, though his oxygen level still fluctuated between too low and normal.
“Would ya look at that? They did it.”
Steve looked over at where he was sitting up in bed, smiling at the tv.
“They did.”
Eddie was wiping a tear from his cheek.
“Took them long enough.”
Everyone in the room huffed out an unamused laugh.
It did take way too long.
“Steve.”
Steve looked back over to Wayne and noticed he was looking tired again, like the news was the only reason he’d been forcing himself to be awake.
“You remember that bet?”
They’d made a lot of bets over the years, usually during March Madness. Wayne purposely bet against Steve because it was an easy win, even though they liked the same teams and often had similar brackets.
So no, he didn’t really remember whatever bet he was talking about now.
“Oh come on. I’m the old one here. You’re supposed to have great memory.”
“I’ve had like, eight concussions. My memory is like a goldfish.”
Eddie snorted next to him and nodded in agreement. Just this morning Eddie had to remind him that it was trash day despite it being the same day every week for the last 17 years they’d lived in their house.
“You owe me $5.”
“I’d remember that.”
“Eddie asked for you.”
Steve and Eddie looked at each other with concern. Was Wayne having a stroke? Was he slowly losing lucidity? He’d never shown any signs of memory problems, but sometimes being in the hospital had a lot of negative effects.
“When Eddie woke up in ‘86. I told you he’d ask for ya first and he did. Never collected on the bet because you two were too much.”
Steve suddenly remembered everything from that day, tears pooling in his eyes at how all of this started.
If he hadn’t stayed to hold Eddie’s hand then, would he be holding it now? Would they be husbands in every way but legally?
Steve looked at Eddie with a smile.
Then he turned to Wayne and smirked.
“Bet you $5 I propose right now.”
Wayne smirked back at him.
“Bet you won’t.”
Steve gave him the look that said ‘just watch me’ and stood up, dropping to one knee slowly.
“Eddie Munson. We already wear rings. We’ve lived together as husbands for so long, I can’t even believe we aren’t actually married. But I want to be. I want to fill out the stupid paperwork at the courthouse and maybe plan a little wedding with our kids and family. I want to have a honeymoon and be young and in love even though we aren’t young anymore. I want to be yours in every way starting right now. How does that sound?”
Eddie was crying. He was always more emotional than Steve, he just hid it better. Usually.
“You wanna be mine?”
“I’m already yours. I just want us to have everything.”
“Then I wanna be yours.”
“Good.”
Eddie leaned forward and kissed him, more passionately than they usually ever did in public or around Wayne. It was a special occasion, though, what choice did they really have?
After a minute, Steve pulled away and looked over to Wayne.
“Sorry about your $5.”
“I’m not.”
Wayne had never been more pleased to not be able to collect on a bet.
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qvrcll · 1 year ago
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college melodrama — IV.
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summary: with the party a few hours ahead, ellie’s plan to pursue you is in motion. what is just a few hours of light hearted pining is soon to divulge into uncanny violence and incoherent whispers.
warning: cursing, couple stuff LOL, pining, violence, fighting, alcohol
a/n: they post again!! hurrah!! okay but seriously, i missed u all so much :,) this was so fun to get back to, so lmk how this was!! make sure to vote at the end: remember, each choice affects how your story with ellie goes!! :-)
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It’s only a matter of hours before Naomi’s party — the thought of spending just enough time within that sweaty, frat-infused hub makes Ellie’s gut churn. But the freshness, the silver lining of your presence being there makes the decision worth-while. Makes it makes sense. She can’t help but be selfish — maybe ask for more of your time, already on your chat before she can compromise.
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But things go off the roster when she actually sets her brilliant plan in motion. It’s almost comical, how bad she is at this… thing. This thing you make her feel, make her carve promises and broken breaths like some bony cartilage lodged jam-shut into her throat. She’s nervous, and her body thrums with questions, with feelings, with the emotional strength of a love-struck teenager. This is not a good look, she thinks, but it’s worth it.
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You reach the party before you can complain again. The scent of sandalwood and poorly struck alcohol bottles meddles with the edge of your nose, pricks your senses with the promise of fun. Ellie looks over to you enthusiastically, something dancing in her eye when the two of you huddle over the threshold. Meanwhile, Dina makes something clear.
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Ellie loses you in the crowd: no biggie. She’s had tougher situations. Her daydreams are convoluted in the image of you, so what tough luck is holding back this simple thing of following the trail of you like a blinded fox? But before she can keep up this agenda, she feels her phone buzz too hard for its own good.
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It is not in Ellie’s best interests to panic. She’s reconfigured herself to not care. College has been tough and with its monthly roll of fresh shit to deal with, she’s grown bone chillingly stoic to the oddities that drift past her. But you — you’re far from odd. You’re of interest, a clear viewpoint she can pin against a storm of blue and brown and a haze that is prickly sweet. So, when she rounds the corner and sees you occupied with the fairly familiar Abby Anderson, with your lips etched with a frown and the onset of an argument forming, she launches herself into it. Head-first, unforgiving in her rudeness, pardon her.
“Excuse me — Y/N, there you are,” Ellie grins, a cheshire smile caked beneath that unrelenting gaze of hers. She approaches you like something of worth, of substance, and the mere action of her hand ghosting against the lower part of your back makes Abby’s eyebrows twitch with mirth.
“What, you got yourself a new girl to play with?” Abby means as a joke but it comes out harsh, words pressed with hate. You flinch, not meaning to but finding yourself disliking her tone — you’re not hers anymore and the crudity of her gaze makes you wither, rather than jump.
But before you can manage anything, Ellie finds it in herself to not toss the bullshit as play anymore.
“How about you fuck off?”
It was simple, something vulgar but straightforward in its essence. There was nothing standoffish about Ellie’s demeanour — even as she was standing here, collected in her converse and washed flannel that scratched the catch of her wrists as she balled them up, she appeared bigger than you felt. The pit of you stomach opens, gaping and squelching like a disgusting thing, truly, before Abby smirks, though there’s no humour in her air.
“Or what?”
“Wanna find out?”
There’s a pause, palpitation in the form of silence. And then, with no wait, a rude awakening is shredded in the movement of Abby’s fist, which makes its percussion clear against Ellie’s jaw, which sends the both of them flying for the rose coloured wood beneath.
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By the time Dina rushes past the herd of bodies that have begun to collect in mitigated whispers, in tell-tale beginnings of videos and pictures, Ellie is laying on the floor, mouth watering with the scent of her own blood. She’s laid damage on Abby but only barely, who picks herself off of the girl and looks at you pathetically. Her mouth opens and sews itself shut, before her exit was as unfortunate as her entry, and you’re left with little air in you.
THE DECISION IS UP TO YOU: YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.
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© 2023 qvrcll ! do not repost any of my works on any platform.
[taglist: @theganymedes @nil-eena @ximtiredx @inf3ct3dd @oceanparadox @cjrights @eveshyper @sosobaker @hsangel64 @zombie-catz @twsmalie @badbye666]
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s1eept0ken · 5 months ago
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Angel ☣︎ IV x Fem!Reader (part 2)
warnings-nsfw, dirty talk, praise, car sex (?) and horrible quick plot to start off lmfao
a/n-I’m so sorry I didn’t post this yesterday I haven’t had much time lately! I’m so sorry. Also nearly near 100 followers already? Thank you guys so much I love you!🖤 also not proof read I wrote this at 2am im so sorry!😭
MDNI!
꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎
Today was finally the day! iv comes back it feels like it’s been so long and you can’t wait, he’s much more excited to see you though. His gorgeous girl whom he hasn’t seen in so long. You have been on his mind all day, while on the plane he got half hard just by thinking about fucking you, he needs you so bad he hasn’t felt you in over two months! Could swear if he waited any longer without you he’d lose his mind. He finally lands and the moment he spots you he gains the biggest smile! you’re so gorgeous to him his heart just melts when he sees you. “Missed you so much baby” he grumbles into your ear hugging you tightly. Shortly after you both head back to the car, even though it is your car and he just got back he INSISTS on driving or more like he wants to steal glances at you while you look out the window, looking gorgeous. He places his hand on your thigh, moving it upwards slowly to your inner thigh. You take a deep breath in when his fingers slide into your underwear, you look over at him, he’s so concentrated on the road! but even more to your drenched pussy. Something about iv is that he LOVES to finger you, he loves the way you softly whimper when he slides only one finger in! He doesn’t take much time to slide his fingers in, he’s just as quick to take them out as well. He brings his fingers to his mouth and licks them clean, “hmm missed your taste so much angel” he says softly running his hand up and down your thigh, bringing it into your panties yet again. This time roughly rubbing circles on your already extremely sensitive clit, you whine out softly and you watched as he shifted in his seat, that definitely made him somehow harder than what he was before. He slides his two fingers down to your entrance, teasing you by rubbing softly around your desperate hole. He chuckles softly as you grip his wrist, desperate for more from him, “such a needy girl today for me huh?”. After a few more moments of his teasing he finally sinks his fingers into you. He doesn’t take long to speed up his pace, his fingers deep inside you while you’re gripping the car seat trying to keep calm but it’s just so hard when he has his thick fingers deep inside! “Feels good baby? Bet you missed this huh” he says calmly, while gripping the steering wheel extremely tight, keeping his fingers at a very nice pace. You clench your thighs together, leaning your head back the pleasure is so much you can tell you’re close. It doesn’t make things better when he slides his thumb up to your clit, rubbing circles roughly. You clench around his fingers and you hear him chuckle, “gonna cum sweetheart?” he says in a soft tone slowly speeding up his fingers, you nod swiftly in response. “Too bad baby, don’t want you ruining your car seats now huh? He are practically home anyway, can always finish inside” he says in a cocky tone pulling his fingers out and licking them clean, he knew what he was doing. You grumble out of annoyance you were so close! You fix your dress up and criss cross your legs, folding your arms together too. “Now now don’t go getting an attitude, I told you we can finish when we are back home or unless you wanna be a little whore”.
꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎
Hope you enjoyed!
Love you🖤
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angellurgy2 · 5 months ago
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hi this is a story i dont think i ever posted here where i was fucking around with writing a relatable dissociated victim. its currently unnamed and its about someone having their place in their own head fucked with really bad by some kind of hypnotist esque person.
A void swirls around me. my eyes are blanketed in a deep, ephemeral grayscale sky. stars of red and green and blue scatter around me, mixing together, granting a small beauty through the null. its like space, if it was imagined by a kid with aphantasia who’s never looked into the sky before. i used to love space when i was younger. this wondrous, beautiful extremity of the world, with so much potential. so much to learn, to explore. its awe-inspiring. there is nothing like that to take from this soulful space,  though, for it is not a space in the sense of celestia, but a blank space. an empty fragment, visualized. is this supposed to be my ‘happy place’? i always wanted one of those.
i hear a piercing scream, echoing from the outside i cannot see. i recognize the voice, but i don’t know it. a shaking, grabbing at my form. who are you?  it shouts at me. no one. im sorry. why am i sorry? is that an emotion, if so it might be the first semblance of one ive felt. i think it was more instinctual. sorry, im rambling. rambling to myself? stop apologizing, body. i have a body, huh. i begin to feel, it takes me a while to figure out what, while the shaking continues. oh, those are my legs, i guess? i remember having those. not the tactile sensation, but the existence. i dont think i use them much, they’re worn with cuts and bruises and the whole body aches as it steps onto its feet. i can feel my eyelashes flutter as i peer into the behind of my lids. they well with tears. why am i feeling, stop it. stop it. i don’t want this. i can move my arms again. i don’t like this, put me back. please. please stop touching me. 
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.
not my voice. why does it sound like that. why do i sound like that. that’s not me. please stop? grabbing at me more, feverish touch, groping fingers, rotten. outside of existence.
the police are here. 
nononononono not again. who- why. why. maybe i can run. fuck. the screaming’s inside now. i left it, please dont bring me back. my feet move of their own volition, dragging my desecrated corpse through the halls, out of the depths it hibernates. creaky steps up the wooden stairs, a door unlatching, her faint instructive whispering in my ear, the sound of heavy boots on the porch, i see nothing but noises. 
words slip from my chapped lips, a routine carved into my instincts. “hello officer” i choke out.  “hi sir.” i twitch. take his gun take his gun take his gun take his gun. sigh. its the shame shpeal as always. blah blah we’ve gotten some reports worried for your safety blah blah blah. traitors. they always do this when i disappear. let me die. the lies slip from my tongue so easily. im fine. they’re worried for nothing. i totally ate today yes. the blood stains aren’t fresh. the scars are old. no i dont know who that woman i- wait what woman? some thoughts finally rush to my head, i dont remember having a porch. wasn’t i in a studio? it would’ve been easier to die there what’s going on- a hand reaches into my hair. makes it feel better. yes of course i know “her”. yes i’m happy, can’t you see my smile? :)
I dont know if any of the pigs believe it but they leave without a second thought. fucking cops. pathetic. the lady yells out something nice at them. makes me squirm for a second. something angry bubbles up in the body’s head. i close the eyes and shut it down quick. no use for emotions in a carcass. 
a hand tugs into the hem of my neck. my shirt. forgot i had one of those. forgot those were a thing, honestly. i hope its cute at least. my limp form is pulled backwards through the front door. i almost fall but something else picks us up. i start to lose myself in the greyscale again before the sanctity of my eyelids are forced open, gazing directly into the asynchronatic blue and hazel eyes of an unrecognizable being. i’d say her beauty startled me awake if i wasnt so unsure this is even real.
apparently she was talking the whole time, because now we’re in the living room. i think? i forgot what that’s supposed to look like. her voice now tuned to the ears, i jolt at the sudden audio input. she sees and tilts her head with a mock smile. i think. her eyes glare into me like she’s staring into my absent soul. “Mutt.” 
dizzy. body moving away from me, again. so far. i watch it fall to its knees. fading. i can’t look at myself. she’s just smiling. bark! i feel familiar body spasms but don't see any physical representation. i never thought id miss the bodily prison. bark. bark. tilting its head to the side. my nonexistent hands clench tight. the woman brings her left leg to rest on her right, twirls her finger and we- it rolls over, instantaneously. like its ingrained into its programming. short-circuiting mental wires twist and fray in the head i unassuredly inhabit. pulling, twisting at cords between me and the form, voices berating myself for wanting back in as i thoughtlessly climb. 
her eyes suddenly glare upwards, past my head, almost as if directly into the ‘me’ i can feel. another twisting grin, teethy and sharp. “are you alright, dear?” her voice is malevolence. staring into the sky, she lifts up her hand, causing the body to jump on its hind legs, twirling stupidly. another chuckle slips from her lips, reverberating all around me. “want back in?”  teasing. who does she think she is- who even is she? i growl. not as a dog. she smiles again, and with a snap of her fingers i am slingshotted back into physicality, gasping for air, breathing new air into new lungs. i come out twitching uncontrollably, trying to forget, need to forget, get out of place again. i shut my eyes tight and pretend nothing is real. nothing is real, it cant be. 
tsk tsk. “you’re not getting back out so easily, girl.” she growls, clicking her tongue. she does a quick pulling motion with her hand, and my body is suddenly flung forward with it. leashed. thrown into the armchair beneath her. i throw my hand at her face, without thinking, imprinting a bright red into her skin. i flinch. // add more here //
“who do you think you are, DOG.” she yells, my body wants to curl up into a ball. “i FIXED you, and you don’t even recognize who i am!” she presses and grinds the toe of her leather boot into my legs. into cuts i dont remember existing. i collapse the second pain courses through me. “you need me, girl.”
the air is choked out of me. ripped out exorbitantly. i trudge through the pain, look her in her perverse face and spit. bitch. she digs her boot harder into my leg. i squeal in a pitch i’ve never reached before.
“seems like someone needs some more time alone in her room-” she grins. the body shudders what does she even get from this? pleasure? what has she done to us? me. why is this so different. how can she make me be here? her hand pulling at the collar of my shirt jolts me out of thought. pinprick goosebumps run up my arm. body tics from the disembodied draft in the air. i am forced despite myself, dragged across dirty ceramic floors. i scream. i cry. i hit. i thrash. everything i can muster at once, leads to nothing. i remember the feeling of weight, yet she throws me from the floor into the back of the empty room with no effort. spine stings with anger. careless fucking-
“you’re gonna wish i had kept you disembodied. doll.” she leans against the doorway so non-chalantly. like im not quaking with pain. “i’ll make sure you dont forget this next time, at least.” and she pushes the door. 
i scramble on the floor fighting the pain surging through my joints, clawing at the floorboards to get to the door as it slowly closes. no use. closing, closing, closing, my ragged dirty fingernails almost reach it but fall just short. the last thing i see before the door closes and the darkness takes hold is her twisted, eldritch smile mocking me through the gap.
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shark-myths · 3 months ago
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hi!!!! ive probably sent an ask like this before but how do you keep up the motivation to finish a longer fic? whenever i start writing a fic i know will be long i end up abandoning it or getting bored or not knowing how to continue / end it. the few multichaptered fics ive posted are incomplete and i dont know when they’ll be finished. i have a couple of longer fics in drafts but it just feels like such a challenge to finish them. how do you do it?
ooh i love this question! i am proud of being a finisher--in all my years of writing fic (it's been... many), i have only ever once started posting something i didn't finish. i generally wait until i'm really confident i can finish a fic before i begin posting it. sometimes, as you may have experience in real time with Rosewood Lane, there is a looooong time between updates... but i usually like to keep an update schedule. giving myself deadlines works really well to motivate me and keep myself organized! i also tend to be a daily writer, i'm happiest when i have a little time to sit down every morning and work on a project, whether that's rereading, editing, or writing deeper into the story. i actually am usually trying to make my fics shorter than they end up, but i feel like most stories have their shape already and know how long they need to be to do what i want them to, and i'm merely hanging on. i would love to get better at writing short pieces. having cheerleaders and readers helps too! i find it so exciting to share updates with everyone.
when a story gets boring--and this does happen to me--i try to jump around and write any shred of it i can find that feels interesting, or i go back to the last part that felt interesting and either change or entirely scrap what comes after it that went flat for me. i also avoid any type of real outlining or plotting (sometimes this is pretty obvious in my finished product, oops) because once i know everything that's going to happen, the why and how and where of a story's arc, i lose interest in writing it. i'm in it for the surprise and whatever's coming around the bend! if i have it all planned out, there feels to be very little point in actually writing it--instead it starts to feel like a dreaded task to me. work, not writing.
i also sometimes leave stories alone for a long time. i did this with Footnote, and i did it with Dirty Enough to Love, and i did it with my 1950s au when it was too much GENDER and REALITY for me to deal with. these don't see the light of day while they're on the back burner; the pressure to post can turn right into avoidance and dislike of a project for me, which is why i am so slow to start posting a story even when a significant portion is already written.
so i guess, writing tips from a shark, tl;dr version:
give yourself a schedule for writing and posting that feels organized and manageable
don't rush to start posting, this can turn an unfinished story into a task you want to avoid
find someone you can share your excitement with, whether they're in the fandom or not, and talk about your ideas and intentions with them
trust the length a story wants to be
also, trust yourself about the length of story you interested in writing
if it's boring, try telling it differently. jump ahead, jump back, delete the scene that got you stuck, change something, drop part of the narrative, skip some time or detail
don't be afraid to abandon something and come back to it months or years later
create more mystery and unknowns in the story to keep yourself interested. hide things from yourself! throw wrenches in your best-laid plans! let your characters completely sabotage you! obscure the path ahead so you are interested by the task of finding it again.
whatever you do, just keep writing. you will have a lifelong relationship to the craft and it will change over time, like our bodies, like the seasons. be where the joy is right now and don't get too worried about where you want to be later.
thank you for the thoughtful question! happy writing 💜
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agendabymooner · 2 years ago
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colour me your colour || toto w. x ofc (4)
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Summary:  Tilly Marie nearly loses faith in her passion as she refuses to listen to everyone who told her to quit. Everyone but one. And it’s the man she met years ago at a racing event she didn’t want to attend. Who would have thought that her father’s partial ownership of three brands could take her to the zone of Mercedes and meet the love of her life?
Chapter summary: Can you actually fall in love fast? or is Tilly just fortunate enough to catch Toto's attention and gain his respect and determination in span of a day? As of this point, she might as well host a slumber party as Daniel and Lewis continue to pester her with the most important topics of her life right now: her family and the hypothetical ones she'd make with Toto.
Content warning: Age gap, brief use of explicit language, discusses the 2014 austrian gp, flirtatious banter, mutual pining kind of romance, platonic relationship with Lewis Hamilton and Daniel Ricciardo, fictional family and business involved (Hearth family and Hearth Automotives Group). NO PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVED SORRY
Note: Thank you all so much for the 50 followers! I honestly have been writing these just because I didn't have anything occupy my time and it's a good idea that I posted them up here. knowing that you're enjoying my brain's ideas, it fuels me even more into writing. As of this point I'm currently writing a spin-off for Rush and this series so keep an eye out, I suppose. I hope you all enjoyed today's race because I certainly did (Albon was way too fucking good this weekend, I shit you not). And I hope Alonso's 2nd place makes up for the Father's Day that I'll never get to spend with him. Enjoy xx
masterlist
iv. fast lane but not the race weekend kind
“Regards,
Tilly Marie F. Hearth…”
That should be okay, I tell myself silently as I put away my laptop. It’s only 6 pm, and I already wish to retire to my bed early. 
I can be doing a lot, but instead I’m moping inside my hotel room while I’m waiting for Lewis. Being on a paid vacation is nice; I don’t have to do anything and deal with people. But at the same time, I’m craving more tasks to occupy my time because truthfully, I do NOT want to be stuck in a hotel in Silverstone with nothing to do. I spent my early 20’s being away from people, but now I’m entering my early 30’s, I’m slowly thinking that I probably should’ve done more than attend festivals by myself or with my sisters.
None of the people I was around with earlier had looked my way until after they'd been told that I was working in communications and was a boss’ child. The staff from the other teams also did the same—but some of them knew who I was already and had already made themselves comfortable. Just how I wanted.
But then again, this is my first day. And Sunday would probably be my last considering that I’ll be back to my stuffy office the next week. 
I can take up the role as a consultant for communications. My father did offer me that role for Ferrari, Red Bull and McLaren—telling me that I can do so much more in Formula One than my no-good employers. 
Bunch of bullshit, I curse out. He wouldn’t let go of his legacy like that. 
I already told him about writing for magazines or simply writing in general, but he still placed these executive positions in front of me as if he knew I’d give in. Sad fact is that he actually is right; I’m close to giving up on my job. If The Devil Wears Prada didn’t warn me the first time, Lauren Weisberger should have at least taken both of my shoulders and shaken them. 
It didn’t hurt to think about balancing Formula One and journalism out. After all, it’s what I can do as a journalist—know enough about racing and engines and ensure that my knowledge is being shared through my writing and published works. 
I try my best to relax in my bed, lying flat on the mattress with my hands resting on my stomach. The silence is deafening and I can hear my steady breathing. My eyes are growing tired as they continue to look up at the ceiling of my room. 
For a moment, I debated whether or not I should come downstairs for dinner with Lewis. If there’s anything that I know about him, he takes his dear time to get ready—and I have an endless closet at home. That’s telling you a lot. 
A knock on my door makes me stand fast and rush to open it. Daniel Ricciardo stands there with a grin.
“Oh you,” I blurt out.
Displeased with my response, Daniel cries out, “I’m not terrible all the time, Tils.” 
“Sorry,” I shake my head as I correct myself, “I meant that I thought you were Lewis.”
“He phoned me and said we should head down instead of waiting for him,” he shrugs as he sticks his arm out and offers, “let’s go?” 
I nod and head to where my flats are, slipping them on with ease as I grab my keycard and wallet. 
Daniel only pulled his arm back when I wrapped my arm around it. We descend to the ground floor where the restaurant is located. 
A host takes us to a four table seat at a corner. Seeing familiar faces from the venue, I nod at them as a greeting before I find myself sitting across Daniel. 
Soon enough, Lewis arrives and we begin to talk about today’s events. Forty five minutes had passed, and we found ourselves conversing in front of our already empty plates. 
Daniel asks about my family and all I can tell him has something to do with my mother’s side of the family. I guess out of the wealthy people in my family, I can understand my mother’s connections to the automobile industry. My toxic trait is that I despise my father but love my mother.
The difference is that my mother loves us more than anything and cares for our half-sister more than he does. 
But it seems Daniel has focused on a different matter.
“Your mother is— you’re a Ford, Tils,” his eyes widen like an owl as his mouth gapes open. I can practically see a fly entering his mouth. 
“My mum is,” I laugh, looking at Lewis as he, too, laughs at Daniel’s shocked expression. 
“Mate, she’s a Ford,” Daniel reaches out to nudge at Lewis and gestures at me. “You carry that information around just like that?” 
“She’s not really putting it out there for everyone to know,” Lewis chuckles, sipping on his water as he puts it down. “Besides, if you were really into racing you probably have heard about her dad or mum’s family one way or another.”
“I don’t really go digging for information about old money families,” Daniel rolls his eyes as he looks at me again, “you don’t look like you’re happy to be here. For someone who came from families who are into cars.”
“My father insisted on having me work for his teams,” I tell him, “I’m not exactly the brightest for motorsport. I prefer the media more than what my father wishes me to pursue.”
“Have you raced before?” 
“I had a karting career at some point,” I shrug, “or at least I started at the age 4. Mum didn’t agree with it and I should’ve started at 7, but my father insisted. I was already competing by 7. My sisters were too, but some preferred equestrian over racing.”
“If my dad was a twat, I’d stop it just to spite him too,” Daniel says as I raise my brows at the statement. He then corrects himself, “What I mean is I’d pursue the karting career for me, not for him.”
“Gotcha.”
Lewis pipes up, “Blanche is a pretty decent woman. You should see her, mate.” He turns to look at me and asks, “Is she coming this weekend?” 
“With Aimee and Sylvie,” I nod in confirmation, “I’m not quite sure about Stevie yet but she wouldn’t want to miss out on your home race.” Not elaborating any further, I return to the topic, “My father is absolutely baffled when I quit karting but he can’t do much because Poppy, my mum’s dad, was still alive. So between him and Poppy, he chose not to interfere.” 
“But you’re still here on behalf of your father though,” Daniel points out.
“It’s to secure my position and family’s future,” I tell him with a sigh. I look at him then back at Lewis before I say, “Whether I like it or not, I still need to do my part regardless of how much I hate the surname. It’s an obligation that I can’t avoid but it’s alright. It’s not just for me— it’s for my sisters and my future children.” Wow, I’ve only been friends with Daniel for a month and I’m already airing out my dirty laundry to him. Is this what happens when your friends are your sisters and just Lewis?
“You’re taking your elder sister role way too seriously. You can’t even catch a break,” Daniel says incredulously. 
I can only nod as I agree; my mother’s capable enough of worrying about them and I should just be doing whatever I want. She cares for my sisters as much as I do but being cut off from my father’s side of the family isn’t something that I’d allow. 
It’s not as if my sisters don’t want to join me at the trackside; they want to keep an eye on one of each team in fact. They want to be able to know what kind of thing our father brags about. But much like me, they don’t want to be on the track itself—they’re better off being models because that's what they wanted to be. They’ll join me soon enough, they just need to make a career out of modelling and come to work for the driving teams whenever they’re ready. 
“They’ll be in a lot of magazines soon enough,” I shrug nonchalantly. “I’d like them to do that first unless they feel like carrying a headache coming from either Brown or Horner.”
“There are three of them,” Lewis chuckles, “if anything, those three would outnumber your team principals. With you alone I got scared, could you imagine Sylvie? She’s feisty.” 
“It’s not just to keep them sane,” I roll my eyes, my foot underneath the table kicking Lewis in the leg. The table shakes lightly. “I just started working in this kind of industry. What kind of a big sister would I be if I’m just as clueless? I need to know more, especially if I want to be able to teach my potential kids about it.”
Lewis, the piece of shit, decides that this is the right time to joke about it and say, “I didn’t know you’re already thinking about a future with my boss, Tilly.” 
I snap my head to Lewis’ direction too much that I’m thinking I just got a whiplash. My glare hardens when Danny and Lewis’ faces turn red from laughing too much. 
“You ought to quiet down, boys,” I hiss, not wanting to look at the people who are giving us the unnecessary attention being gathered by their laughter.
“You have to admit,” Lewis breathes deeply to refrain from laughing again, “you two got along well. Was it because of Dubai?” 
“I told you that in confidence,” reaching down in his thigh, I pinch it as he whines quietly. He slaps my hand away as I say, “You’re a shit secret keeper.”
“Wai— what about Dubai?” Daniel, clearly not understanding what’s going on, asks as he looks at me while he expects a context. 
I muttered to him, “Met Toto Wolff in 2006. Spoke to him and all that.” 
Lewis nearly cries in laughter as he speaks, “She told me about it years ago. She never knew his name–or she refused to tell me who. She said he was attractive alright but—ow, stop it, Tils.”
I pull myself away from Lewis and sit back straight on my seat as I claim, “He doesn’t remember nor think of me like that, Lew. He’s just a silly crush.” 
“Is he?” 
“He was,” I correct him even if I’m wrong. It’s like Toto Wolff got an on-and-off button in my life. One moment he’s there making me blush the next thing he’s already gone. 
“You’ve been single for as long as I know,” Lewis huffs out, “why don’t you try dating again anyways?”
“With your boss?” I raise a brow, “Are you that obtuse?”
“What? He isn’t bad,” Lewis shrugs, returning to his usual composure as he crosses his arms, “the opportunity’s right there. Why are you adamant on not taking it?”
“Because she doesn’t want to get on Christian’s bad side for fraternizing with the enemy,” Daniel jokes. 
“I’m gonna kill you, Daniel,” I threaten him emptily, making him giggle again. 
“I’m repeating what you said!” He cries out, still laughing as he laughs obnoxiously. Men! Seriously.
“He’s quite interested you know,” Lewis states, his arms now crossing as he leaned against his seat. “He’s playing 20 questions with me whenever you leave. I’m not sure if he’s interested in me winning or you.” 
“He’s not interested like that,” I insist, “I’m sure he means well because I just popped up all of the sudden today. Nobody likes to step on the wrong foot of a newcomer. You’ll just make an enemy.”
“Yeah, sure,” Daniel scoffs haughtily, “the guy who’s been asking Christian questions about you left and right— the same person who doesn’t like Christian— isn’t interested.” 
“I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone since 2004,” I scowl, trying to keep my voice quiet as I say, “What makes you think I’ll be able to have an interesting relationship with him?” 
“He isn’t subtle about wanting to spend time with you,” Lewis answers, “what did he say again? You’re welcome to be in our paddock anytime? Does that ring a bell?”
Of course I do, I almost huff out, it’s one of the things that I intend to do. Be able to spend enough time admiring his team…
“I know men,” Daniel adds, “and with the way of how he’s looking down at you during the interview? With the heart eyes making contact with another pair of heart eyes? Yeah, that man is in loooove~”
“Like it’s a fast lane.”
Now I can’t deny it. 
I like being around Toto Wolff, more than anything. Speaking to him is like a breath of fresh air after stepping out of a cigar lounge. He’s a gentleman; I’ve always wondered how he’s not married. Women deserve him. Yet he’s here, being the most eligible bachelor in the grid following Fernando Alonso. God, I will snatch him up if I can even meet his level. I doubt he likes his women like me… trashy trying to be classy.
But it turns out, my cynicism is unnecessary. I find myself thinking a lot about the things that could be. In an empty elevator, I wait as it slowly closes. But the call from outside forces me to keep the door open until the person catches up. 
The man makes it inside as he stands tall, trying to catch his breath. There’s no way in hell—
“Tilly,” oh my god. I’m seeing too much of him today. 
I turn to my left as I dumbly ask, “Bonjour, what floor?” 
Toto looks at me with confusion in his face, probably wondering if I’m playing stupid or just stupid in general as he looks past me and says, “You’ve got it.” 
Wow, not only am I seeing too much of him, I’m also on the same floor as him. 
I nod and look back at the front, I can see him through the reflection from the doors. His polo remains unbuttoned and his hair unruly after running his fingers through it. I can see traces of sweat dripping down his forehead. I probably shouldn’t do a physical examination on him.
I look at him and ask politely, “Have you had dinner yet?” It’s a polite thing to ask, right? Like I’m not coming off as desperate to speak to him?
“Ah,” he keeps his mouth shut for a second and answers, “it is something to take up in my room, unfortunately.”
“Is it?” I ask out of curiosity, “You could have joined others for dinner?” 
“Busy, as always,” he smiles sadly, “it’s an endless battle.”
“Quite a shame,” I tell him with a shake of my head. “Do people know time zones or just business hours or is it just something written on papers?” I ask no one in particular.
“My brain doesn’t shut off the moment 7 pm hits,” he tells me with a rueful smile. “It calls for work all the time. So, no. I don’t follow my own business hours policy.” God, I feel sorry for him. 
“It’s like a wire, Toto,” I nibble on my bottom lip, not knowing how to express my empathy without looking like an arse, “you can’t plug it back in if you’ve something to prevent it from happening. Like a baby proof.” 
“You’re right,” he laughs. “What do you suggest I should do? The baby proof, I mean.”
I watch him as the door slides open, thanking him as he gestures for me to walk out of the lift first. Then my mouth does not stop speaking, “Have a dinner away from your work, for instance. Never hurts to isolate your work once in a while,” he laughs at that, “read a book? I love reading novels— I am currently skimming through Das Parfum. You can even time your break before going back to work because I can assure you that habit isn't good.” 
“Do you understand the German language?” He asks me. Mentioning Das Parfum clearly piqued his curiosity. 
It was smart of me to bring it up. When he told me earlier that he came from Austria, I knew I could talk to him in so many languages. Like I knew what I should say next. Like a mastermind.
I'm such a fucking mastermind.
My mouth quirks up and I answer, “Wir haben schließlich viele deutsche fahrer.” We have a lot of German drivers, after all.
He nods at me like he listens to everything I tell him. As if he’s following an order or he’s rather impressed with my pronunciations. Nice. 
Our conversation leads us in front of my hotel room. 
I look at him and gestures to the door, “This is my bat lair.”
“Bat lair?” He chuckles.
“My little humble abode,” I joke. “I can unfortunately hear my bed calling for me. I have to go.” 
“Right,” he nods as I open my door and step inside my room. Telling myself to get my shit together, I turn around to see him still waiting for me to head in. That was a surprise. 
I suggest, “One way to turn your stressful work day around would be breakfast. If you’d like, you can have one with me tomorrow?” 
“Are you asking me on a breakfast date?” He teases, watching me fall apart with my face flushing red. He stops eventually and answers, “I would be more than happy to accompany you before we head out.” 
“Okay good,” I laugh nervously, “I’ve no one else with me anyways so there’s that… does seven sound okay?” 
“You can ask me for anything I think I’ll say yes, liebling,” boom. There goes my heart once more. He grins gleefully as he says, “I know a place nearby. Would you like me to pick you up tomorrow?” 
“As far as I know I’m the one who asked you first,” I roll my eyes in a joking manner, smile escaping my lips. 
“I’d love to have you pick me up but I know the place,” he tells me with a shrug. “Besides, it’s by the tracks. We can head down there together before they start piling up for the day.” 
Not wanting to fluster myself anymore, I nod almost eagerly and he exclaims, “I’m looking forward to it.” 
“Have a good night, bello. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, schatz. Sweet dreams.”
Oh I really am going to have the sweetest dreams ever. Trust me. 
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insaneintheemembranev2 · 9 months ago
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paring; karlach x gn!tav!reader
genre; angst, friends to lovers,
requested; (yes/no)
warnings; no happy ending, major character death, depressed reader, ending of bg3 changed, no capital letters, 2 time skips, not proof read.
summary; in which karlach meets her demise and reader is left alone once again.
authors note; no use of y/n and they/them pronouns for reader. thank you for reading! this is my first time writing angst and actually publishing it so i'm kind of nervous lmao. my requests are currently open, so please send me something to write! <3 you can find two published books of mine on ao3 or wattpad as they aren't yet posted here if you're interested, thank you!
word count; 686
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you lay in karlach's bed, the sun shining and boiling above you. the heat was almost too much to bear, although that might be because you have a tiefling with an infernal engine that was hotter than the hells lying with you.
karlach had her arm draped over your waist adding to your discomfort. you tried wiggling away to cool down but she just dragged you right back into her grasp, she was insanely strong.
"stop moving." she groaned while sloppily giving your neck a kiss.
"i'm too hot!" you exclaimed in a whiny voice.
she let out a chuckle "yeah you are." she said in a flirtatious way.
"karlach!"
"fine, fine. go and leave me here all alone." she said with a sigh, letting go and rolling over.
"i'm sure you'll survive." i wriggled out of bed and started getting my armour on, we had a long day ahead. "are you not getting up?"
"5 more minutes."
"fine, but get up soon. we have to travel through the city again today."
she muttered something as i walked away from her tent.
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the party made their way back to the camp, feeling defeated and heartbroken having lost one of our dearest companions. tears welled up in everyone's eyes as we walked, our bodies were covered in blood, sweat, various poisons, acid, and monster goop from our recent adventure. the fight had been brutal, leaving me with an aching back and heart, my voice hoarse from constantly casting spells. dirt and mud had crept under my fingernails, clinging to my skin, and I couldn't help but feel exhausted and drained.
when we had returned i didn't bother washing off any of the dirt from my body, i just removed my armour and went to sleep, hoping when i awakened it would all just be a bad dream.
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months had gone by and my mental state only declined. the rest of the party had disbanded, moving on with there lives, but how could i? how could i move on after losing the love of my life? how could they go on knowing what she gave up for us?
all karlach ever wanted was to be free, have a normal life and experience the city without fear of zariel snatching her back into the hells. over the past 9 months ive experienced all kinds of emotions.
at first i didn't believe she was gone, i woke up the next morning thinking everything was fine and she wasn't actually dead. my friends looked at me with sympathy and pity. i hated it, couldn't stand the way they were treating me.
after a while, i realised she was gone, so i believed she was hiding in the hells waiting for me to go get her, to save her. zariel must of done something, must of switched karlach out for someone else.
then i felt angry, why would want to leave me alone, why would she sacrifice herself. we would've figured something out, someway she could live, scarified gale or something. we could of fixed her engine and lived together. we could of been together, properly but she chose not to. she chose to leave me.
i tried everything to bring her back, i researched for hours every day for an entire month, i tried every spell, every scroll and every potion i could get my hands on. i tried contacting zariel. i even tried making a deal with jergal to bring her back in exchange for my soul. nothing worked and no one accepted my deals.
i gave up hope after a few more months, she wasn't coming back.
i cant get out of bed, i don't want to. i don't want to eat, drink or move without her. i feel like my throat is closing up, like i can't even breathe without her. its like karlach was my life source.
if only i stayed in bed that morning, maybe it would have turned out differently. maybe she would of been next to me now. i would give anything to be able to feel the heat of her heart once more.
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ilovehimyourhonour · 2 years ago
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nepo babies 002.5 my first sober kiss (written) . previous ! next !
rich! yang jeongin x rich! fem! reader . rich au , smau (written chapter) . mentions of being drunk , slightly suggestive , shirtless jeongin?
a/n so I think im. just going to post chapters of ‘nepo babies’ and ‘the art of coffee’ whenever get them done, but if im kinda running behind there will be ones posted on the scheduled dates. // not 100% sure on this one, but I say that about literally everyone of my pieces lol. // also I usually post .5 chapters along with a regular chapter but I thought this one a little too big in contents to post two. but 003 will be coming soon :)
taglist open !
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“you’re drunk,” you whisper. jeongin remains silent, his long fingers slipping beneath the hem of your dress. “hey,” you hiss.
“im not that drunk,” he mutters—breath fanning your bare shoulder. “please,” his fingers drag against the skin of your thigh as he withdraws his hand from the shelter provided by the skirt of your dress.
“head towards the bathroom, i’ll be there in a minute.” he grunts and pulls himself from his spot next to you on the couch, casting you a glance over his shoulder.
you watch as he disappears behind a corner, casting another glance in your direction.
you wait a few minutes before pushing yourself off the couch, the group sat around you stares up at you with knowing eyes—little to your knowing, as you are too busy maneuvering yourself through their extended legs.
“where are you going?” minho smirks.
“ive gotta go to the bathroom,” you chuckle—rather awkwardly.
you mutter hellos and half-greet guest as you slip your way through the small crowd.
“jeongin?” you mutter. “jeongin?” your heels click softly against the floor as you venture a bit farther into the slim hall the bathrooms were located within. you reach the other end of the hall and release a sigh, the railing that circles around the ship catching your palms as you press your weight into it. the salty water sloshes beneath the boat as you tilt your head down, watching the soft waves tickle the side of the ship.
“took you long enough,” jeongin’s voice reaches your ears—and a second later you’re palms are pressed to his chest while his rest comfortably on your waist. “I thought you were standing me up,” he whispers against your lips.
“funny, I thought the same.”
“i’d never stand you up,” he confesses.
“never?”
he sighs shakily. “i’ve been dreaming of this for too long,” his forehead presses to yours, strands of his hair tickling your eyelids.
“what do we do? in these dreams of yours,” you hum, hands trailing down his chest, fingers slipping beneath the hem of his shirt—just as he had done with your dress moments earlier.
“kiss,” he blushes.
“that’s it,” you grin, gliding your fingers over his covered stomach, tracing his abs softly.
“even in my dreams I want to respect your boundaries,” you giggle and squeeze your eyes shut—and jeongin feels himself falling harder, and the butterflies in his stomach multiply by tenfolds. “is me respecting you funny?”
you smile softly and shake your head. “what’s funny is that you aren’t kissing me yet.”
“i’m aloud?”
“are you always like this? bold in public, shy when you’re alone with a girl.”
“i’m only shy when i’m alone with you.”
you sigh softly, bringing your hands from beneath his shirt and cup his cheeks. “i’ve only had one glass of champagne and i’m starting to lose that buzz, so you should kiss me before I come to my senses, or before my dad finds us—i’m not sure which one would be worse.” he nods, eyes flickering from your eyes to your lips and then back up again. you sigh, again, and tug him forward—bringing your lips to his.
he’s slow and gentle, his hands on your waist are stiff and unmoving.
“I thought you said you dreamed of this?”
“I did. I do.”
“then act like it, jeongin. kiss me like in your dreams.”
“i’m aloud?” his eyebrows shoot upwards, almost as if he was surprised.
“stop asking that,” press your lips to his again, and this time he’s a bit more rough.
he roams his hands up your back, pressing you into him, and when you bring your arms to wrap around his neck and plant a hand in his hair—tugging softly—he lets out a groan. the sound vibrating against your mouth.
minutes later and the two of you have stumbled farther down the deck, mindlessly headed towards the opening in the rail—where the latter into the water sits.
the two of you part to catch your breath, and for once it last more than just a second. jeongin huffs and tucks his face into the crook of your neck, his chest moves up and down against your own.
“jeongin,” you sigh as his mouth works against the sensitive skin beneath your jaw. “is this apart of your dreams too?” he nips at the skin, causing you to yelp and land a slap to the side of his head. making him chuckle. “I see you’ve gained your boldness again.” he sighs and withdraws his head, bringing himself to look you in the eyes.
“do you have any dreams?” he asks. you cock your head to the side, a small smile playing at your lips.
“would you be up for it?” your hands find the hem of his shirt, tugging it upwards. he allows you, he even helps you remove it from over his head, tossing it somewhere behind him.
“i’m up for anything you-” jeongin’s words are cut as the two of you get jostled by a sudden rock in the boat, the both of you stumble and you cry out as you lose your footing. your fingers dig into his shoulders as you begin to fall through the opening in the railing, where the latter had been placed. jeongin’s hands squeeze your waist as the two of you fall the short distance into the water.
with the music and the constant chatter, the splash of your fall falls on deaf ears.
the two of you rise to the surface, jeongin biting at his bottom lip. sure, he wanted to get alone with you, and he definitely wanted to make moves—but trying to drowned you was never ever the intention. you’re silent for a moment, and jeongin waits for your burst of anger.
but when a loud laugh erupts from you, he can’t hold back his own.
“i’m definitely completely sober now,” you giggle as your hands slash through the cool water surrounding you.
“i’m sorry,” he sighs. you shoot him a confused frown.
“why?” your body seems to glide closer to his own, your hands finding his shoulders. “this is the most fun i’ve had all night,” his eyelids flutter as your hands cup his cheeks, thumbs soothing over his cheekbones. “would it be okay if I kissed you?”
“but youre sober, awhile ago you told me to kiss you before-”
“is that a no?” your hands drop from his face, splashing softly in the water. his fingers circle your wrists, bring your palms back to his cheeks.
“I never said that,” you hum as you shift closer, your nose tapping against his.
“you’re my first sober kiss.”
you don’t let him question, bringing your lips to his too quickly. they slide awkwardly against each other, the wetness from the water still coating each of your lips.
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@uraverageatiny @lolob @akanexw @violetvoo @rubberduckieyourtheone @haewonluvr @hello-2-u-from-me @jungwonismybias
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© ilovehimyourhonour
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duchessonfire · 8 months ago
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Whatever AU you create I live for it, honestly I'm your biggest fan at this point. Feel free to expand! The abo, supernatural twist, the motherfucking reverse sugar that i did not expect 😂 what kinda dynamic do you envision? Are they overall similar to savior except for some key point or is the energy between cegan completely altered? What are the vibes 🤩
Also! What are you thought on Negan's evolution and can you add your twist as to where do you think Carl can fit in it
(ive never watched dead city and stopped twd years ago coincidentaly right after carl died i keep up a bit with spoilers so i got the gist of it. But from what i can see he's become a fundamentaly different person. Swagger still there but dialed down enough to make me sad 😔 wbu do you keep up? id be impressed if you did cause that's some damn comitmment.
Listen i've been trying to recreate your magic by combining ao3 tags lately but nothing seems to fit! Its the age difference, its the slow burn with what started as someone playing meanly and exerting their power on someone else only to be hit with the feelings 🫢, it's the top tier d/s subtext, its the jealousy and the two step forward one step back, its the smut tbh mostly the smut, simply put it's giving.
And absolutely no rush and dont feel obliged to answer but what kinda irl timeline are you predicting for part 3 and 4 and the neganpov? You've been churning out updates lately (22k high quality chapter within a month; we are spoiled god bless🫂).
I'm frothing at the mouth waiting for your next update. You sincerely bring me joy.
Hi again Cegan lovely! ✨
Thank you so much for this sweet message.
The dynamics of the other Cegan project I have planned will be very much similar to the Savior!Carl universe with Carl and Negan going from enemies to lovers. The only one that is truly different is the reverse sugar daddy AU where I'm going for a Carl that is super shy and vulnerable, really a gifted kid who has trouble connecting with people and who clings to his crush for his former PE teacher for dear life. I'm really excited about those projects even though I have no idea when I'll have time to write them 😅
I am still heavily involved in TWD universe and I have watched the main show until the end, as well as the Daryl Dixon, The Ones Who Live and the Dead City spinoffs. I was very unhappy with Negan's characterization in the last season of TWD but Dead City really brought a breath of fresh air and I'm excited to see what lies in store for Negan in season 2.
So funny thing, part 4 of the Savior!Carl universe will cover Rick's arrival and the war between the Saviors and the other communities, but because I want to stick closely to canon, part 5 will deal with the time Negan spends in the cell and the Whisperer War. So I have in fact plans for Carl and Negan's relationship even after Negan loses his empire. (I'm actually very excited about their new dynamics after that happens ❤️‍🔥 While Negan will go softer, Carl will become a lot harder and more ruthless so that will be pretty amazing to explore...).
I'm so happy that you enjoy the Savior!Carl AU 😍 If you're looking for more Cegan content, I recommend looking at my bookmarks. If you enter Carl Grimes or Negan Smith in the "other work tags to include" section, you will be able to see all my Cegan bookmarks. I especially recommend the fics by Gemjam: Wildflowers and Genesis, which are really the main inspiration behind the Savior!Carl universe, but in my bookmarks you will find loads more of amazing works by amazing writers! Happy reading 📖
So for the time-line, part 3 will finish this summer for sure, hopefully by beginning of July. I will post chapter 10 this week (hopefully today or tomorrow), and then it's only two more chapters to go. The time-line for 4 is a lot blurrier because I still have a lot of brainstorming to do. Same for part 5 and for the Negan's pov. Ideally, I would like the Negan's pov to post at the same time as part 5 because Carl will spend a lot of time away from Negan while he's in the cell, so posting Negan's pov at the same time would still giving readers a healthy amount of Cegan next to the plot of part 5.
Thank you again for such a lovely ask and I hope you have an amazing day 💐😘
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baby--b4t · 6 months ago
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hiiii I wanted to request a mini fic of energetic cg!Kaeya and his always eepy little one (toddler regressor, with she/they pronouns) in public (like at windblume festival or something)
hello!! as much as i love little ragbros, cg!kaeya is just as good. hes such an expert with little ones! especially the fussy toddlers and sensitive babies. I think dealing with klee has helped him with that just a bit hehe-
anyways MINIFIC TIME! (you get lost but kaeya is overprotective)(not proofread SORRY SORRY)(also sorry ive taken so long to get to these-)
after posting i realized i switched the roles 。゚(゚´Д`゚)゚。 SORRY ABOUT THAT
"And where do you think youre running off to?" Kaeya chuckled as he quickly snatched your hand. You had seen a man with a ton of balloons walking by and was about to dart off after him, but Kaeya realized before you could make any sort of attempt.
"I thought you agreed to stay in my sight, hm?"
"It is! Is just right there!" You argued, pointing at the balloon man. Kaeya smiled and shook his head.
"When I say stay in my sight, that means near me, sweetheart. If you wander too far Ill lose sight of you!" He explained, trying to keep a lighthearted tone. He knew it was a simple mistake on your part.
The two of you continued to walk throughout the heart of Mondstadt as everyone else did. There were vendors just about everywhere you looked, causing your curiosity to spike even more. Even if it was just simple things like handmade cutlery or some flowers that were common throughout Mondstadt, you couldnt help but drag Kaeya to every single one. It was just too interesting!
You and Kaeya had stopped at one of the vendors and found a doll that you just couldnt live without. Kaeya saw it wasnt too pricey and bought it for you. The woman running the stall handed the doll over to you as Kaeya dug in his pockets for some mora.
You felt impatient waiting for him to finish up and started to look around. You saw a small boy running after two dogs, all of them clearly playing around. It had been a while since you had a pet of your own, so seeing the boy playing with the dogs sparked something in you. Without realizing what you were doing, you had started to run after the dogs as well.
The pups seemed all too excited to see a new face. The ran around you and tried to lick you, causing you to giggle. The boy told you the dogs names were Fido and Leo, simple names for such simple pups. They clearly didnt have a single vicious bone in their body.
A woman called out for Fido and Leo and the two went bounding back to the woman, as did the boy. The lady was probably the boys mother. By time they were all gone, you realized you had wandered from Kaeya. You vaguely knew where you were, but you were alone and starting to get worried.
"Kaeya?" You called out, not too loud but loud enough for the people around to hear. It was hard to raise your voice to call out for the man when you could feel the anxiety started to sink into your gut. You clutched the doll in your arms, hoping that somehow Kaeya would find you again.
You wanderer around Mondstadt until you ended up close to Angels Share. You recognized the area, having been babysat by Diluc a few times. As you looked at the tavern you could see the blue haired man who you had lost.
"Daddy!" You called out as you went running towards him. Kaeya turned his head quickly to see you coming towards him, his arms opening to take you in.
"There you are!" He wrapped his arms around you tightly, holding you against him like his life depended on it. He took a moment before pulling you away and holding your face in his hands. "Do you know how worried I was?"
"'M sorry.." You mumbled in response, trying to lower your head a bit. The man just smiled and pulled you back in for a hug.
"Its alright, sweet girl. Im just glad youre back in one piece."
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autisticlancemcclain · 2 years ago
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fic rec friday 29
welcome to the twenty-ninth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.  
1. don’t know what i did to earn a love like this (but baby i must be doin’ something right) by littleghost
“I went to the desert to listen to country music.” It falls out of him, and he keeps going, voice hushed like there’s more than just him and Lance in this room. “It always reminded me of you and I would go stare at the stars, think of you, and listen to country.”
i know littleghost has been inactive in the voltron fandom since literally 2017 but i am so obsessed with their fic. im not huge on high school aus usually but this fic in particular had so many of my favourite niche headcanons that ive read this fic like twelve times. yall know how i feel about quiet devotion and its everywhere in this fic.
2. every day i wonder by kirargent
Lance has a stuffed-full backpack, a beanie pulled down over the tips of his ears, a blanket draped around his neck like a thick scarf, and his cell phone pressed to one ear. He looks like an idiot, and he’s being entirely too loud for a good cryptid hunt.
this shit made me fucking LAUGH. keith is such an ornery bitch i literally love him so much. this fic bodies the ‘fuck am i in love with HIM?? why??? why am i so HAPPY ABOUT IT???’ so well i love it
3. mortal bodies, timeless souls by @littendeservesbetter
“Wait!” Coran lets out a triumphant noise. “I got it! If my calculations stand corrected, then our visitors will be people we actually know! Keith, Lance, you two will be meeting your alternate selves today!”
Coran says it like the idea is so mundane that it takes Keith a while to process. The moment he does, however, he feels his heart drop to his stomach.
“We’re going to what?!” Lance yelps, effectively voicing out Keith’s thoughts.
Or, the castle's teludav malfunctions, alternate realities are mixed, and Keith finds out that he and Lance are a lot more... close in other realities.
they are fucking in love in every single reality in every single universe always and endlessly. they are Soulmates. i know its cheesy but im obsessed with them literally. also extra incentive this fic has pike/thunderstorm darkness
4. here comes the violence by stardon 
“Fancy seeing you here, Whiskers.”
Keith feels his tail wag in annoyance, which is almost as horrifying as his current situation. “No. Absolutely fucking not.” He looks at his bare wrist, pretending he has a watch. “How about we postpone this? My calendar says I’m free from the seventh of never through to the fifteenth of ain’t-gonna-happen, how does that work for you guys?”
Pidge looks up, quirking a brow. “Lance has an amazing influence on your humour, you know that?”
In which sometimes Keith is a bit Galra, sometimes not.
this fic is excellent because their both so obviously in love and down bad for each other but theyre both also stupid. borderline already dating but also not and driving each other insane is peak peak trope
5. Beast of Burden by melancholymango [EXPLICIT]
“Keith, no, we can’t go again.” Lance pleads fall on deaf ears. Keith is honed in on him now like predator to prey. He’s fighting a losing battle and they both know it. He sees it in the way Keith is raking his eyes over him, sizing him up. “We’ll be so late getting to the bar.”“Just one more.” Keith insists, herding Lance toward the counter with a stubbornness that is innately wolf. Lance pouts, but he doesn't have anywhere else to go but backward.“That’s what you said last time! And the time before that!”--The week leading up to a supermoon, as told by the world's best werewolf boyfriend, Lance McClain. The good, the bad, and the horny.
this is just monsterfucking but its also like soft in there. but mostly its monsterfucking
that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!    
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fatuismooches · 1 year ago
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SLIDES SHADES ON, KICKS DOOR DOWN AND FALL ONTO YOUR FLOOR, GUESS WHOS BACKKK!;!!;
🌕💗!!!!
BUT AHHHHHFHDH LATIN DOTTORE STILL MAKJNG ME LOSE MY SHIT
and so many of the other posts that i was binginf just now too oh em GEEEEEEE, specifically fragile/coma reader comjng back to sumeru and all that AHHFHEHHHH
ANF ALSO I CANT BELIEVE U REMEMBERED ABT MT EXAMS AND STUFF 😭💗 i got my results recently!! A* EEEKFK back on the grind tho unfortunately
also rlly rlly thinking bout dottore randomly giving fragile reader academic/research-y things to do cus he knows they crave and miss the days where they could get on wit their stuff YKKK??
also omg sometimes i’m scared to like send any kind of brainrot in cus what if someone else has said a similar thing AND AHHDHH
but yea also thinkjng bout tutor zandik + akademiya reader MNNNFFNF
ALSO ZANDIK X POET READER i feel like zandik from like the akademiya days wojld be all poetry’s stupid 🫤 but like one day findinf readers lil poetry notebook whilst tryna find his own research in their dorm and flipping through and finding it littered with references to cerulean blue locks and vermillion irises..and maybe just maybe, poetry isn’t so bad after all
smooches i’ve missed bombarding ur inbox
SMOOCHESSSS :( <33333
🌕 ANONNNN AHHH IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad you've been doing well, congrats on your exams!! I'm glad your hard work paid off, such a scholar 😍 But you better not overwork yourself that hard again! ALSO. DON'T BE AFRAID TO SEND ANYTHING IN!! I LOVE!! hearing what you have to say okay?? Ily 🌕 anon!! PLEASE BOMBARD MY INBOX. I LOVE IT.
HAHAHA it seems like a ton of Dottore brainrot has been infiltrating your brain huh 😅 Dottie speaking Latin really revolutionized ours brains hngg bUT WAIT I LOVE YOUR IDEA. THAT'S SO CUTE. Oh my gosh newdndow how do I phrase this. He knows you still have a love of knowledge and other things you used to be so into :( But nowadays it's died down since you don't think you're cut out for that stuff anymore, even though you miss it. Dottore being the one who respects and acknowledges your intelligence the most would not let you think that way! He'll let you indulge in as much knowledge as you want to. It's far better here anyway, with no restrictions. He'll even let you sit on his lap while you flip through his notes and try to analyze them. Okay and bear with me, this sounds strange but he would make up fake scenarios/brain teasers for you, and these would be PAGES long and you'd have to figure out the answer and report back to him 😭
Also made me think of this angsty af scenario of the day you officially got kicked out from the Akademiya... The sages and profs were so unsympathetic with your condition despite multiple proofs and notes of it being real... no matter how much you begged and sobbed, they refused to accommodate you and revoked your position in the school. Yes, it could be absolutely freaking brutal in there with the workload of assignments and all, on top of your illness too, but you still had dreams. Dreams that you were working so, so hard to pursue... you were trying your best, why couldn't they work with you? You go back to your room to try and pack since they want you out but your stuff just ends up strewn on the floor while you cry. When Zandik comes back you don't even bother hiding your tears or the reason behind them. You can see he's absolutely furious and about to let pure foulness leave his mouth but you interrupt him with a few simple words - "Zandik, just hold me, please." You don't want to hear any words at this moment, because you know nothing will be alright, but at least his touch grounds whatever is left of you to this world.
Okay moving on... Nah I need tutor Zandik. If he saw my dumb ahh while doing math... gone 😭 HEHE I love this trope... i can imagine initially being very serious about trying to learn. But then their tutor is this cutie? Welp, all of that going down the drain. Though, I think it would be pretty sweet if reader ends up learning anyway. Because the professor's way of teaching is so outdated or simply doesn't work for you but somehow when Zandik explains it you're like ?? oh! That's so much simpler! Another possibility - reader purposely flunking so they can get assigned to Zandik for tutoring 🤭 Bro would be flabbergasted that you're wasting both his and your time... because you thought he was... c-cute? Disgusting.
YEAAAA I ADORE DOT AND POET READER I THINK IT'S SOOO ROMANTIC 😭❤️ lmao yea that man would think poetry/non-academic writing is sooo boring like why would you even waste your time on that 😒 You gave up LONG ago trying to convince him why you love it so much but all of a sudden he becomes a teensy more receptive to it... i wonder why? Totally not because he freaking read every single one of your poems, from the serious to silly ones, most definitely not because he found one named after him with a bunch of sweet references... he doesn't care but they were not that bad... he guesses.
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mikaela-granger · 2 months ago
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The Long Wait (Season 6) Chapter 9
That’s The Way It Is
Fandom: Grimm
Pairing: Sean Renard/OFC
The Long Wait Masterlist
A/N: Lorelei experiences a rollercoaster of emotion following the twins birth.
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***Lorelei’s POV***
Damn, Lorelei really did feel like crap. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and the first thing she saw was the top of her husband’s head. Sean was sitting beside the bed, his hands holding hers tightly, and his head resting on the bed. A slow smile crossed her face, and she gently squeezed his hand. Sean’s head shot up. “You’re awake.” He said, his voice thick with sleep.
Lorelei nodded. “Yep.” Her own voice was also thick with sleep.
Sean gently kissed her forehead before pulling back to look at her, his hand stroking her hair. “How are you feeling?”
“Um…tired. Weak. I have a bit of a headache.” Lorelei answered slowly. It was a little hard to focus at the moment. “What time is it?”
Sean glanced at his watch. “It’s about 10:30am.” He replied before looking back at Lorelei.
Lorelei nodded again. “The twins?”
“They’re doing well. No concerns regarding them. They are feeding well.” Sean informed her. During labour, Lorelei had been pumping periodically in case the twins ended up in the NICU and/or she was unable to feed them herself. “Angela arrived about an hour ago. She sent Adalind home and took over for her.”
Lorelei gently cupped Sean’s face, her thumb brushing over the dark circles under his eyes. “Have you slept?”
Sean shrugged. “A little.” He admitted.
Lorelei glanced at the cot set up in the corner of the room. It looked like it hadn’t been slept in. “I’m guessing you slept sitting up?”
Sean didn’t answer. He placed his hand over hers, turning his face to place a kiss in the palm of her hand. “I was afraid I was going to lose you.” He whispered.
“What happened?”
“Postpartum hemorrhage. Blood tests indicate you have severe iron deficiency anemia. Although the HELLP syndrome seems to have sorted itself out. Blood pressure is still a little high but not at preeclampsia levels.”
Lorelei nodded tiredly. “HELLP can clear itself up post-delivery.” She said slowly. “But I imagine my hemorrhage will lead to a longer hospital stay.”
Sean nodded. “They’ll also want to run more tests. There are concerns that you could get PPCM and pulmonary edema again.”
At that moment, Priya entered the room. “Hi, how are we doing?”
“Tired, weak, headache.” Lorelei informed her. She had so little energy. “Oh, and hungry.”
Priya offered her a smile. “All normal. I hear you hemorrhaged after birth.” She said as she moved around taking Lorelei’s vitals while checking the many bags hung up around her. “Might need a new IV bag, this one is almost empty. I’ll also arrange for you to get some food. In the meantime, how is everything going downstairs?”
“Do I still have the catheter?” Lorelei asked her. Priya nodded. “Ok, that explains that feeling. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been ripped apart.”
“You mind if I have a quick peek?”
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Thankfully, all seemed to be well downstairs. Considering she had pushed two babies out. It was looking as expected. The catheter was staying in for the time being, until the doctors cleared it for removal. Lorelei was then sent to have some scans to check on the major organs in her body. She managed to convince Sean to stay in the room and actually sleep. It was a testament how tired he was because he gave in easily. The man dropped off to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Lorelei gave him a smile as she was whisked away to have the scans done.
By the time Lorelei returned to her room, it was almost midday. Sean woke as she returned which was good as their lunch was delivered. The two ate keeping the conversation light. Lorelei’s phone kept pinging as she received messages from her friends and family. Adalind had passed along the news, also having the foresight to advise everyone to wait until they were told before coming to the hospital. Lorelei was grateful for that. She did not have the energy to entertain people. Besides, with the girls in the NICU there were limited people who could visit them.  After lunch, the couple headed up to the NICU to visit the girls.
Visiting the NICU had been hard for Lorelei. Seeing her little girls in their incubators. Although they weren’t surrounded by as many machines as some of the other babies in the ward, it was still confronting. Lorelei bit her lip as she stared at Aurora, tentatively reaching through the opening in the incubator to rest her finger in her little hand. A tearful smile crossing her face as her tiny daughter clasped her finger tightly. “Hi sweetheart. It’s Mommy. I’m right here.” She told her quietly.
She felt a hand on her shoulder. “They’re doing well.” Angela informed her. “Feeding well. They don’t need any feeding tubes or oxygen. Just the warmth the incubators provide.”
Lorelei nodded, unable to tear her gaze away from her daughter. She was so tiny. But so beautiful, so perfect. They were going to be ok. She was going to be ok. She just had to keep reminding herself that. Lorelei eventually tore herself away from Aurora to see Liliana. She was smaller than her sister, but just as perfect. Her grasp reflex just as strong. Lorelei eventually tore herself away from Liliana. She could feel whatever strength she had was wavering. As much as she wanted to be with her daughters, Lorelei knew she had to rest. She had to get better so she could take care of them.
The trip back to her room was hard. Lorelei managed to hold her tears in. It wasn’t until she was back in bed when she broke down. Sean carefully climbed into bed beside her, pulling her close. He didn’t say anything, just held her, stroking her back and pressing kisses to her head. Eventually, Lorelei fell asleep listening to the sounds of her husband’s heartbeat.
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Monday was a bit of a blur for Lorelei. She knew that Sean hadn’t left the hospital all day. Adalind was at the hospital all day as well, taking over for Amanda who had stayed with the twins overnight. The only time Sean had left her side was to switch with Adalind so that he could spend time with the twins. Lorelei hadn’t been able to see her babies. Between Sunday and Monday, Lorelei had started experiencing heart palpations and shortness of breath overnight. She was incredibly fatigued and weak.
Dr Brody had arrived, along with a cardiologist, advising that test results from yesterday indicated a return of the peripartum cardiomyopathy and pulmonary edema. Lorelei was placed on oxygen and a bunch of other medication, in addition to what was she on for the hypertension and anemia caused by the hemorrhaging. She couldn’t seem to catch a break. At least they caught it early this time.
Between the diagnoses and not being able to see any of her kids, Lorelei’s mood was pretty low. She kept trying to be positive, but it was so damn hard at the moment. Why did everything have to be so hard for her? Why couldn’t she catch a break? It seemed that any time something good happened, something bad happened to fuck everything up. These new diagnoses would mean that she would be in the hospital for longer, meaning she would be away from Diana and Olivia for longer. It meant she couldn’t travel to the NICU as she pleased to see her youngest kids. It meant a longer recovery time. She still wouldn’t be able to return to helping Nick with Grimm stuff or help her friends figure out what the symbols on that damn cloth meant. It meant that she would have to continue taking things easy.
Sean and Adalind tried to keep her spirits up. They really did, but as the day progressed Lorelei got more irritable.  She tried not to take it out on them, she really did. Lorelei caught herself before she blew up on Adalind. She’d mumbled something about needing sleep and had laid down with her eyes closed. Her friend was just trying to help, and Lorelei had been about to bite her head off. Lorelei had feigned sleep and Adalind pretended she didn’t notice Lorelei pretending. The tears rolling down her cheeks gave her away though. Eventually, Sean returned. He and Adalind stepped out in the hall to talk. Lorelei pretended they weren’t talking about her, but she knew they were. They were worried about her, and she didn’t blame them. She wasn’t herself today.
When Sean returned to the room, he was alone. Amanda was in the NICU with the twins and Adalind would be returning home for the evening. After dinner, Sean rejoined Lorelei in her bed and the two fell asleep, holding each other close. Tomorrow would be a new day. A better day.
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Tuesday was a better day. Not the best, but better than Monday had been. Lorelei had felt well enough to travel to the NICU to visit with Aurora and Liliana. She’d had the opportunity to hold her daughters and she got to feed Rory. The girls were no longer in individual incubators. Apparently, Amanda had suggested having them in the one incubator, suggesting it would help them thrive being close to one another.  They looked so cute curled up beside one another. Somehow it made it easier to leave them in the NICU. The knowledge that they had one another even when Lorelei couldn’t be there.
Later that afternoon, Adalind brought Diana and Olivia in to visit her. Seeing her oldest girls had brightened Lorelei’s mood. Both girls had curled up beside her on the bed, telling her what they had been up to during the time she’d been in hospital. Sean had taken Diana to the NICU to meet her baby sisters. It had been decided that at the point in time, they’d wait before introducing Olivia to the twins. The NICU probably wasn’t the best place for a toddler, even one as well behaved as Olivia.
Tuesday evening saw the arrival of Nick, which also coincided with Sean’s visit to the NICU to help with the twins feeding. The siblings had an hour together. Nick was naturally concerned about his younger sister. Another pregnancy, another brush with death. Lorelei had scoffed, pointing out as a cop he frequently had brushes with death. They’d agreed to disagree. Lorelei showed Nick the photos she had taken of his youngest nieces.
“So, they’re completely identical? Can you tell them apart?”
“Not yet. But they both have a little birthmark on their ankles. Rory’s is on her left ankle and Lily’s is on her right ankle.” Lorelei informed him. “That will make things easy while they’re young.”
Nick nodded. “I suppose that will be helpful until they start developing their own personalities.”
When Sean sent Lorelei a message advising that he was returning to her room, Lorelei let her brother know. That was the end of their visit but Nick promised he’d stop by again so he could officially meet his newborn nieces. About ten minutes after her brother left, her husband returned to the room.
“How was your visit with Nick?” Sean asked as he joined Lorelei on the bed.
Lorelei snuggled up close to him. “It was good. He can’t wait to meet the girls.” She replied. “Speaking of which, how are they doing?”
“Still doing well. They’ve both put on some weight.” Sean told her, lacing his fingers through her own before bringing her hand up to place a kiss on it. “The nurse said that’s promising. If they keep that up, they’ll be able to leave the NICU soon.”
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Wednesday saw the arrival of more visitors. Rosalee stopped by in the morning on her way to the shop. Sean made an excuse and left the room, allowing Lorelei time with her friend. Rosalee had been there for about 15 minutes before she brought something up. “So, you know that Monroe’s birthday is coming up?”
Lorelei nodded. “Yeah.”
“I wanted to surprise him with a weekend away at the Columbia Gorge Hotel.”
“Oh, I’ve heard good things about that place. You guys are gonna have a great time.” Lorelei told her.
Rosalee smiled at her. “Yeah. I think we will. The thing is I wanted to invite the whole group to join us.”
Rosalee seemed a little nervous when she said that. Lorelei couldn’t figure out why. “Oooh, that’s a great idea. After everything that’s happened recently, you all deserve a weekend away.”
Rosalee looked a little relieved. “I thought the same thing. I just feel guilty about everyone going away while you and the twins are in hospital.”
Lorelei grabbed her hand. “There is no reason to feel guilty. We are all doing fine. I’m stable. The twins are stable. I’ve got Sean, Angela, Amanda, and Amelia. You guys should go enjoy your weekend away.” Lorelei told her. “Especially you and Monroe. It might be your last chance to have a vacation before the triplets are born.”
It took a little more convincing, but eventually Rosalee felt less guilty about the group heading away for a few days. The fuschbau stayed a little longer before she headed off to work, and Sean reappeared. Lorelei filled him in on Rosalee’s plan. It meant that Diana would be at their place all weekend. Lorelei suggested that Sean should spend the weekend with their older kids, some quality one on one time with Daddy. Her husband had been a little apprehensive about leaving Lorelei and the twins alone at the hospital, Lorelei assured him that they would be fine. If Lorelei was honest, she was looking forward to some time without Sean hovering over her. And hopefully with her friends and family away, it meant less calls and messages. She loved them all, but she needed some peace and quiet. Well, as much as she could get in the hospital. The hospital staff were a given, but some space from her loved ones would be nice.
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On Friday, before Sean headed off, he and Lorelei headed to the NICU for their morning visit with Rory and Lily. The twins were surprising staff with how quickly they were gaining weight. There was a discussion about moving the twins out of the incubator and into a regular bed. They would still be in the NICU, but out of the incubators. Lorelei and Sean agreed to this. If the twins did well out of the incubator and continued gaining weight, they may be able to return home sooner than expected.
After reassuring Sean that she would be fine without him at the hospital 24/7, her husband had headed off. Lorelei had flopped down on the bed. It was one of the first times she was really alone since before having the twins. Despite only being less than a week, it felt longer. The twins were doing well. Lorelei was still feeling quite fatigued and weak, although her health was starting to improve. The medications and treatment she had been undergoing were doing their job. She no longer needed additional oxygen or blood transfusions. Lorelei was still anaemic, but her iron levels were improving. It would still be a long road to recovery, but at least the journey was starting. Her doctors were hopeful she would make a full recovery, just like after Olivia had been born. As long as Lorelei took things easy. That wouldn’t be hard. Even at home she would be surrounded by people. Sean, the kids, Angela and her sisters. No doubt there would be an influx of visitors when she was able to return home. It’s why she was enjoying her solitude right now.
Despite the improvements in her physical health and the knowledge that the twins were thriving, Lorelei’s mood was still low. Another reason she was grateful to be alone. She didn’t feel the need to put on a brave face. If she wanted to try, she could do that. If she felt irritable or cranky or any other negative emotion, she could do feel that way. Lorelei wasn’t sure if she was experiencing baby blues, or her mood was a symptom of her conditions. Either way, Lorelei hoped if she was just given the opportunity to freely feel her emotions, things would get better. She just needed time to process everything and with her solitude, she would have a chance to do that.
A/N: I hope this chapter was alright. As someone who hasn’t experienced what Lorelei did, I wasn’t sure how to do this initial period after the birth. I’ve had to rely on information I could find on the internet.
Next chapter will include some events from the episode Blind Love, such as Diana’s ‘playdate’ with Grossante.
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