#ive been struggling with this chapter and a few things i want to go back and edit in the previous ones

[blood-choke]

[anundyingfidelity]

I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part III)

Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 2.2k.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Warnings on this chapter: panic attack, killing threats, violence, Ben my poor meowmeow, hurt/comfort, mentions of rape.

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

get yourself in the taglist!

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII

Notes: this is mostly a bonding chapter between Ben and the reader, also there's more about the reader's past in here plus a special guest lmao. I'm having too much fun writing this! If anyone would like to be tagged I'll be more than happy to do so! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part III: Afraid of the Fall

Ben felt his head being hammered and strange voices in a foreign language mumbled to him, all while they laughed and mocked his suffering, causing loud screams and groans of pain falling off his mouth. He struggled, feeling his skin burning again and again. He hoped it stopped, sitting down on the edge of the mattress, but things didn't get better.

Far away, he heard a familiar voice, shouting to get inside. But he couldn't move from his place to reach it. He groaned again, grabbing the sides of his head strongly and covering his ears, elbows on his knees, at the same time he felt a fire forming on his chest. It was happening again. He didn't want to do it. He couldn't do it. He had been trying to control himself with the reefer the past few days. Why now? Why here? He thought he might lose control over himself one more time, and it scared him to death.

There was a loud sound of metal and high heels running towards him, until someone dropped in front of him.

"Ben?"

He barely recognized your voice, but he felt your hands running all over his cheeks, until he opened his tired eyes.

"Ben, you're fine, okay? You're safe here," he took in your gentle voice as you knelt in front of him. He saw you observing his chest and the blast forming in there. "Please, you can control yourself. Look at me, breathe."

He moaned in pain again, closing his eyes shut. He was holding back as much as his strength allowed him, but it wasn't working. Your worried eyes locked when he opened his own again, green and teary.

"Please just breathe. Inhale and exhale," you said, mimicking the directions as he tried to steady his breath following you.

"That's it, go on," you repeated, encouraging him to keep doing the same. "Take my hands, here," he felt your palms embracing his rough hands, his grip hard on your soft ones. "Keep breathing."

The explosion on his chest was still there but as you soothed him with your voice, he eventually felt as the burn dissipated little by little.

"You're safe now, nothing's gonna happen," you mumbled. "Breathe."

Ben took in your whispering voice, until the burn stopped. You remained there with him, hands together, as he opened his eyes anew. He found a comforting smile on your lips, but as soon as he scanned the room he found two men standing in the doorway. Armed and pointing at him, ready to shoot him. He looked between you and the men, and abruptly got on his feet, shoving you away with such force. You landed over your ass on the floor just a couple of steps away from him. The guards aimed their guns immediately.

"Don't!" you ordered.

"Doctor, he was about to blast," said one of them.

"Stop it!" you raised your hands, with glossy eyes and lungs out of air. "Please, leave," you pleaded. Ben remained in the same spot, figuring out if he had to fight you and the men. 

"Doc, the gas-"

"Leave now!" you shouted. They hesitated. "I can handle this, just go and don't turn on the gas, that's an order."

Your gaze might've worked because they slowly backed up and left, closing the heavy door and leaving you alone with the supe. He looked at you, breathing steady and an outraged face. You stood up, fists tight, as Ben closed the distance between both of you.

"Ben, I'm so sorry-"

You choked on your own words, his hand grabbing your neck with his tight grip. "Don't fucking tell me I'm safe. You've built a chamber that'd kill me while I sleep," he growled. Your hands took on his wrists.

Ben just held you in place, denying oxygen into your lungs. He was fucking mad at how you decided to play with him and his life. All these days, he had the chance to end you and that fucking building, and he didn't do it. He felt like a fucking idiot. He had to finish this now. Suddenly, he loosened the rough grip around your throat and slammed you harshly, until your back hit the hardwood of the coffee table.

You coughed as you tried to lift yourself to a sitting position, the mess of the broken wooden lying underneath.

"Ben," you gasped looking up at him. "It's okay if you want to kill me. I'm only asking you to think twice because I'll be dead but it'll be worse for you."

How could it be? Ben couldn't take a fucking break without knowing the damn gas could be turned on if any of those cocksuckers, you included, wanted to. He was beyond pissed. Over and over, he became surrounded by traitors, people who didn't give a single shit about him. And now, he just wanted to rip your head off, kill everyone inside, and run away. Yet somehow he couldn't. With brows furrowed and a cold expression on his face, he watched your figure on the floor, vulnerable and aching due to the impact, at his cruel mercy. But his body wouldn't move an inch to get to you.

Slowly you got on your feet again and for a moment that felt eternal, you looked at each other. Ben was just waiting for the rage to flourish and do what he had to since he met you in that fucking office. He had to kill everyone when they took him out of that box. Too sad he couldn't go back to the past and change his decisions.

You held his haze, and all of the sudden you stepped forward wrapping your arms around his muscular waist. He was shocked.

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," you whispered, hiding your face on his chest.

Ben felt your warmth against his flesh, but he couldn't do more than stay frozen in the middle of the room. The only physical contact he had felt for a long time was for the purpose of torture, pain, and suffering. A hug felt strangely uncomfortable to him. More so after he was the one ready to kill everyone around, starting with you. You must have noticed the stiffness on his body because you slowly backed up and separated from him.

He gave you a confused look and you started to speak softly again.

"I can leave if you want-"

His voice came barely as a whisper. "No."

You nodded, locking your eyes with his own. "Okay. You want to talk?"

"I don't know," he said softly.

Calmly, you asked him to sit on the edge of the bed and Ben soon followed as you did. His eyes were lost in the room and he felt regretful for what he did to you. Anyone in your place would just have left and ran away. He'd be alone, just like he had in the past decades. But you didn't. You were there by his side because you wanted to help him. At least that's what you said.

"I had a nightmare," he began. "It felt so real."

"I'm here, you can let it out," you reassured. Ben felt your eyes on him, but he wasn't strong enough to see your face, so he focused on the wall on the other side of the room.

"I was there... Again. I thought I was there, and thought I was going to blow up everything. Haven't felt this pain since you brought me here, until today," Ben mumbled. "I don't know what happened. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you," you replied once he finished. "You're not a bad person."

"I could've killed you," his words sounded like a fear confession.

But he didn't have any idea of why he would care that much for a stranger like you. He harmed you, and still here you were. It was almost as if you were not scared of him, the atrocities he had done and the ones he could do in the future.

"But you didn't, so don't torture yourself with things that are not real."

He believed you were right. At the same time, it was difficult to push those thoughts away.

"I'm a fucking mess," he said, his eyes locked on his lap as he played with his hands like he was a child. "My father was right."

"Ben-"

"I could've done so much better with him."

"Who?"

"Homelander."

This time, he found your intense gaze. You shook your head.

"You didn't know what Vought was up to. That is not your fault."

"But he is my son in the end," Ben grumbled. "And he has a fucking son of his own."

"A lab experiment," you corrected. "A lab experiment that has a child, product of a rape. You don't have to call that your blood."

He gave a sad smile that quickly disappeared. "I wish I didn't have to. I always wanted kids. Y'know, give them the figure I never had, let them know I'm proud of them, tell them they mean everything to me... Be a better father. And I feel guilty for no reason."

You nodded. "I understand all that, and you'll get over the generational trauma and the PTSD. I promise. Just remember before you run, you need to learn how to walk."

A part of his heart refused to believe your words, that you were lying, but the look in your eyes said otherwise. Probably you were not as bad as he thought you'd be. After all, you were there. You had the courage to step in front of him, to be in the same room as him, and to come every day just in hope to have some sort of advance even when he was pushing his pain away. All those efforts and insistences, they had to mean something in the end. Right?

Last couple of days were hell. You caught something good though. Soldier Boy finally talked to you. Just a little. Anything was fine at this point. For you, work didn't stop. Rest was not an option most of the time. So on Sunday morning you drove back to your apartment after spending the whole Saturday working on more details about the Anti-V prototype.

Once in the building, you made your usual way to your door and immediately got rid of your coat and shoes in the entry hall. You were so tired and craving for a sleep, so you made your way to your bedroom, until a horribly annoying voice you knew too well stopped you on the doorframe.

"Well, don't you work your ass off," the blonde man swung into your room in his usual ridiculous outfit, admiring every detail of the place. He gave you a disturbingly disgusting smile.

You also noticed the balcony windows and curtains were open. Of fucking course he'd used the easiest way to break into your home.

"What-"

"Oh, you know who I am, doctor. I can break the president's home if I want to," Homelander beamed when he stopped just inches from you.

You gulped and crossed your arms on your chest.

"And may I ask why are you here?"

"You know why, don't play dumb."

"No, I don't. Enlighten me, please," you replied, faking it. "You know, I don't really think we've met before."

"Actually, we did. It was in an audition. Around 2009, remember?" 

"Now I do," your jaw clenched. That was a fucking memory you wanted to erase and bury forever. "I'm glad I didn't pass that shit."

 "Yeah, you were such a waste now that I think of. Could've been with our team now."

Homelander chuckled, proudly and honorably, walking around and stopping in front of your vanity. He started to check your perfumes and jewelry that spread on there, like a damn kid. You followed him immediately.

"What do you want?"

"Straight to the point, fine," he began, facing you once again. Smile long gone. "I know you're up to something. Fucking stop it."

Your lips opened but he shut you up with a gesture of his hand and went on.

"Uh-uh, not now. Don't try to deny it. Don't make fucking excuses," Homelander closed the distance between both of you. His lips brushed your ear and somehow, you were frozen in place. You didn't know what would happen next, he was unpredictable.

"I know you have my dad with you, and what you're doing will not benefit me," he whispered and he pulled back to see your blank face, eyes staring with rage. "Just a small warning. I got my eyes on you," he chuckled. "But don't worry, I'm giving you a chance. Only one chance to stop whatever the fuck you're doing. Trust me, you don't wanna know what I have for you."

He started to walk to the balcony without giving you time for an answer. Not that you had much of a comeback in mind when your life and project were now in danger. At least he was going to finally leave your place. Before flying away, he turned around one last time.

"Better take care of the old man, uhm?"

Those were his last words. And you knew he didn't mean them.

You were so fucked now.

[yeowangies]

mutual understanding

Chapter I | Chapter II: Time for a little truth | III | IV | V

PAIRING: Kenpachi/AFAB!Reader CONTENTS: AU - Fantasy, Medieval, Royalty, Arranged Marriage, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Pining, Explicit Sexual Content in later chapters. WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER: Mentions of mild blood and minor violence. WORDCOUNT: 3404

Summary:

Despite your first hand experience, it was getting difficult to admit to yourself that Kenpachi wasn’t actually as bad as he initially seemed. He was violent and obsessed with fighting, that was obvious and even more so when you started living there, but he had never treated you roughly. Not even a single word out of place towards you, less alone one threatening action. 

Notes:

I struggle writing this chapter a bit, confrontations are hard lmao but they are always necessary and i'm glad we can move on to sexier parts now!

Let me know if you wanna be tagged!

header by me, divider by @/saradika

taglist: @actuallysaiyan @lol-ktr @vrgelivvvv

The night was beautiful. It had been raining days prior, and you couldn’t wait to go for a walk in the garden that night. It was the only alone time you had, with no maids trailing behind your every move, not when they didn’t notice you sneaking off.

You rarely went past the trees signaling the limit of the palace. The forest was on the other side, and people rarely went too deep into it, knowing what kind of magical creatures existed was enough to ward anyone off. 

You only wanted to explore a little, not enter the woods completely, but as soon as you took two steps into it, something felt off. 

The first thing you heard was a distant howl, before a gust of air threw you down onto the ground. Your vision got blurry, heat covering your body as claws tightly held onto your arm, digging into your flesh. You couldn’t even scream, completely confused as to what was even happening, and who or what was even attacking you. Blood trickled down your arm, and that was when you could finally let out a shaky cry. 

Whatever was holding you suddenly dropped you, and you fell with your back against the dirt, breathing heavily as the world stopped spinning rapidly enough so you could open your eyes and focus. 

You gasped loudly at the sight above you; an enormous man with an eyepatch and a scar across his face standing in front of you, holding a sword. Half his face covered in blood, making your body shiver in fear.

You barely crawled away before feeling too weak to keep moving, heart beating fast inside your ribcage, and you kept your eyes on the man in front of you, holding onto what was left of your consciousness as you heard far away voices resonating around you.

“Captain Zaraki just saved a girl!”

“Was that a werewolf?!”

“That’s the princess!”

“We need to get her back to the castle!”

You woke up, feeling hot and sweaty under the blankets, gasping for air at the flashback you had for a dream. 

That was the day Kenpachi saved you, the day you met him for the first time. It was embarrassing to even remember, as you had been more afraid of him than you had been of the actual creature that had harmed you. Albeit you hadn’t actually seen the werewolf. You only found that Kenpachi had sliced him in two once you woke up a few days later and one of the maids informed you about it.

You still didn’t know what to think of that experience, only that it made your blood run cold at times.

It has been a couple of weeks since you had moved to the castle, and the days passed by easily. You didn’t feel as tense as the first few days, when you were still testing the waters of the place.

Yachiru was actually a good company, despite her short age. She was vivacious and gave you strength and hope with her every move. You even met Ikkaku and Yumichika one night while you took a walk through the gardens, and even though they weren’t as strong as Kenpachi (not that you cared, but they let you know the fact nonetheless), they were much easier to talk to than your husband was. 

Once Kenpachi had given you permission to reorganize the garden (his exact words were ‘do whatever you want’), you focused solely on that, and as the early weeks of fall began, the weeds and overgrown grass had been removed completely. You knew it was a bad time to start planting seeds; if the cold in the first few days didn’t kill the plants, the snow might do that job once winter arrived. But you couldn’t wait; it was the only thing that kept you occupied. 

As soon as you became more familiar with the castle, you realized there wasn’t a library or a banquet hall. Why would there be any of those rooms if Kenpachi did not seem like the type to enjoy those things? Nevertheless, you wanted to fix that, but in order to do that, you had to ask your husband about it, and you felt like you might be overstepping with such an expensive and ambitious project. The garden will have to be done for now, and once that part was done, you could move on to something bigger.

Yachiru was helping you a lot in her own way, spreading the seeds across the soil of the garden (and though you specifically told her not to mix them you knew she was doing it), and once you were done for the day, you headed back into the castle. 

“Are we gonna do that again tomorrow?” She asked cheerfully, running across the entrance. 

“Tomorrow we have another task for the garden, we have to water the soil, remember?” You said, looking at her with a smile. “We have to do that everyday, and hopefully flowers will bloom by spring!”

“We’ll have flowers by spring?” Yumichika asked, walking through the entrance along with Ikkaku. 

“I am planning for that, however it does depend on the weather, and how crude these colder months are.” You replied with a soft smile. “I have faith that they will bloom!”

“Flowers never really grew in that place,” Ikkaku commented, looking at the still brand new garden through the window. “It was always full of weed, nobody really cared for it.”

“My mission is to make this place nicer! Once the garden is done, I wish to create a ballroom!”

“You want a ballroom?” Kenpachi's deep voice resonated from behind you, making you jump. “Why?”

“Well… So people can come over…” You replied quietly, turning around to face him with unsure eyes. 

“Come over for what?” His frown got deeper and it only made you more nervous.

“For socializing! Dancing and eating, mostly.” You replied, confused and slightly irritated. “Is that not to your taste?”

“We never had dances!” Yachiru replied, loud and joyful. “I bet it’s super fun!”

It was your turn to frown when you heard him sigh like he was annoyed before he spoke. 

“I will never understand women.”

An uncomfortable feeling raised inside you, more rapidly than you expected when you noticed from the corner of your eye that Ikkaku was looking at the both of you with eyes wide open, and Yumichika had covered his face with his palm. 

Embarrassed and frustrated, you couldn’t contain it even if you tried. 

“And I do not understand you.” You spat, looking up at Kenpachi as if he wasn’t twice your size. “Are you going to deny this to me? It is your right to do so, but this would not even be an issue if we were not married. You could have vehemently said no to this union, even escape from it! So I might as well enquire why exactly did you accept it? I was the one who had no choice!”

You kept your eyes on his for a moment as he stared at you, wide eyed, as if you had sprouted another head.

Not interested in listening to whatever that could have been said, you ran out of the castle towards the garden.

*

Kenpachi stood there looking at you as you got smaller the further you ran, and was only brought back to the present time by Yachiru’s voice.

“Dumb Kenny.” Yachiru commented, way too loud for Kenpachi’s taste, but he only turned to look at her, confused and annoyed. She paid him no mind and only ran up down the hall towards the kitchen. 

“What in the hell…” He grunted, unsure of what to do. Under any circumstances, he would start a fight, but even he knew that was a terrible idea. 

“Captain,” Yumichika called for him, making Kenpachi turn to him. “With all due respect, you are an idiot.”

“What?” Kenpachi practically growled, but Yumichika went on despite the threatening tone. 

“This girl is alone here, with no friends, no one she can confide in, and you just made her feel more alienated than ever. She had no choice in coming here, and she cannot leave at her own free will either. I suggest you actually tell her the truth.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You have affection for her, don’t you?” Yumichika asked softly, not really expecting an answer. “Go talk to her and tell her the truth. She will say she doesn’t want to talk, but pay it no mind. She’ll want to know.”

“How do you even know that?” Ikkaku asked, arching an eyebrow. 

“I actually have the emotional range of a human being.” Yumichika rolled his eyes. 

“Shut up.” Kenpachi grumbled, pondering on the idea of actually telling you how he was feeling for a while before deciding it was the right thing to do. “Fine, whatever.”

Walking out the entrance and towards the garden, he tried to organize his thoughts. It wasn’t like he was a complete prick; he knew what could be insulting to say, he simply didn’t care for those things. But apparently you had been uncomfortable since the moment you’ve been declared husband and wife. 

Kenpachi hadn’t actually thought about anything regarding your life and feelings, simply because he hadn’t paid too much attention to details beyond what you had shown him. He had even let you have the bedroom all for yourself because he assumed you were terrified of him; the way you looked at him the first time you met spoke volumes. And even occasionally you seemed petrified whenever he was around, even after you’ve been in the castle for weeks. 

It had pissed him off to hear you talk about him behind his back the way you had, though it probably came from a place of fear rather than arrogance, no matter that you moved around like the princess you were. That lovely bit of confidence he saw in you when you still lived in the palace diminished terribly when you moved to his castle, or at least around him it did, and he wasn’t going to keep contributing to it. 

Out in the garden, Kenpachi spotted you underneath a tree, sitting on the ground with your knees to your chest. 

It was time for a little truth. 

“I do not wish to speak to you.” You said, voice shaky, as soon as you noticed he was nearby. 

Kenpachi didn’t get any closer, but he spoke, regardless of what you said. 

“Just shut up and listen.” He sentenced, making you turn your head slightly to the side, enough so he could see your glossy eyes. Trying to pay it no mind, he went on. “I know marrying me wasn’t your choice. I was greedy. I didn’t want to refuse that opportunity so I didn’t really put up a fight when your father told me to marry you, even when you made it clear that you think I’m a barbarian. I didn’t care.”

Your frown and sniffle distracted him momentarily, especially when your eyes kept avoiding his. You had turned to face him, but you weren’t actually looking at him at all. 

“I hate how you keep looking at me, like I’m going to kill you at any given chance.” Kenpachi admitted through gritted teeth. “I didn’t really think about how this marriage would affect you so if you wish to leave and go back to the palace, I’ll make it happen.”

He spared you one last glance at you before turning away, when it was clear you wouldn’t respond to his words. You seemed even smaller, and the way you briefly looked at him before he left made you look powerless. 

*

You stared at Kenpachi as he walked away, surprised and confused, trying to focus on one of the things that he said at a time. 

He was being greedy? About what, exactly? It wasn’t like was using the dowry money to expand his fief. He didn’t even want you to expand the castle at all. His greediness did not involve money, so why did he say that?

You didn’t think it was so noticeable how afraid of him you were, even if it was a fleeting feeling at times. You couldn’t help it; he was imposing and his constant aggressive expression made it impossible for you to see him differently. It had a lot to do with that night when you first met, when he saved you. He hasn’t been the one who hurt you, but your mind just couldn’t fully dissociate what actually happened with the bloodlust he had in his eyes when he looked at you. On top of it all, he heard you calling him a ‘barbarian’ when you were trying to talk your father out of this marriage. 

However, despite your first hand experience, it was getting difficult to admit to yourself that Kenpachi wasn’t actually as bad as he initially seemed. He was violent and obsessed with fighting, that was obvious and even more so when you started living there, but he had never treated you roughly. Not even a single word out of place towards you, less alone one threatening action. 

Not to mention the fact that he adopted a small girl he found in the woods, and the undying loyalty of his men revealed a lot about what kind of person he was. And he had even let you sleep by yourself every night since you got there, knowing your discomfort. 

Maybe it was time to make amends. 

Waiting for Kenpachi that night, you paced around in your nightgown, hoping he’d come to the room after dinner. He usually did even if he didn’t spend the night, so you were ready to talk to him once he got there. 

When the door opened, you looked at him, feeling slightly intimidated. He had the same hard expression he usually wears, but it was starting to feel natural to see him that way, so you immediately relaxed. 

“I do not wish to go back to the palace.” You started promptly once the door was closed. Kenpachi remained impassive, only keeping his eyes on you once he removed the eyepatch. You gulped before going on. “I’m very comfortable here. I have to confess, you’ve treated me more like a person than anyone else might have done before, and I’m very thankful for that. And I’m… sorry, too.”

It was hard to read him at all, he only stared at you without moving a single muscle on his face, but somehow that was helpful enough to keep you talking.

“You saved my life, and I judged you horribly, without even attempting to know you. I insulted you and hurt your pride, so I must ask for your forgiveness.” 

Looking down, you bowed at a ninety degree angle, staying still for a moment before returning to an upright position. You kept your eyes on the floor, waiting for him to say something, hopefully words of encouragement that would mean he accepted your apology, and that you could stay.

“You hurt my pride, huh?” Kenpachi’s gruff voice brought your eyes back up to meet his as he made his way towards you; it surprised you that he was smirking. “Is that what you think you did?”

“I think so… Weren’t my words insulting?”

“For reasons you’re not seeing.” He paused, eying you up and down quickly as his smirk faded. “I didn’t care that I was probably offending you when I accepted your hand. Your father threatened me with my past, saying he would hand me over to another kingdom for the nobles I’ve killed when I was a mercenary.”

Your eyes opened wide at his words. You knew your father was a politician and a strategist before even being a father, but you couldn’t believe your ears. It was startling, but not unrealistic, that he had basically sold you to a murderer. 

“But I couldn’t care less about that, he could have done it and I would have managed to get away anyway.” Kenpachi went on nonchalantly, looking to the side as if he hadn’t given any of the things he was saying a lot of thought. “The reason I ended up accepting your hand, the reason I was greedy, was you.”

“I don’t understand.” 

“Your father offered you to me on a silver plate in exchange for my loyalty, and I accepted, just because I wanted to have you.”

You stared at him, bewildered. 

Kenpachi wanted you? You had seen him for the first time that night you had been attacked in the woods, and you weren’t so vain as to think of yourself so charming that one look would suffice to capture a man’s heart, especially a man like Kenpachi, who seemed so ruthless and aggressive to even care about those kind of things. Even more so when you looked terrified at that moment.

If anything, you were sure that you couldn’t actually judge him based on his expressions if he was telling you he wanted you with such a stoic look. 

His eyes were on you for a while, obviously awaiting a reaction, but as moments passed by in silence, he turned to leave, at which point you decided to speak.

“Wait!” You called for him, and Kenpachi turned to look at you. “Please stay. We’re husband and wife, we should sleep in the same bed, yes?”

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” 

“I’m not-” Kenpachi snorted in disbelief, making you jolt in surprise. You slapped yourself mentally for the slip but went on. “I mean, I was, I won’t deny it! Nevertheless, you’ve been nothing but nice and considerate since I got here.”

His eyes stayed on you to the point where you started to feel self conscious, until he finally sighed and took long steps to approach you. 

Everything about Kenpachi was intimidating; it was inevitable due to his size and expression. But after everything he had told you that day, nothing inside you made you anxious about him. If anything, you could see features that you might consider attractive (not that you didn’t notice them before, but fear and trepidation always won those battles). There was a rugged charm about him. 

“You’re asking me to share a bed with you after everything I told you?” Kenpachi asked with a smirk. “Are you doing it on purpose?”

“You can do whatever you want with me, nothing I say could stop you,” You said, staring back at him, straining your neck in the process. “But you've been attentive enough to make me trust you.”

When his hand slid up your shoulder and into the hair in the back of your neck, it surprised you but not enough to make you react. You were curious about his intentions since he made it clear he desired you for a while. 

“You have a lot of confidence for a tiny woman,” Kenpachi’s grin only grew, making you smile in return. 

“It comes with the royalty title.” You shrugged. “It won’t change anytime soon.”

“I don’t want you to change.”

With a firm grip on your hair, Kenpachi leaned down and kissed you. You made a noise in surprise; he had practically pressed his face against yours, bumping your noses and roughly crashing your lips together. You held onto him, gripping the front of his shirt tightly, when he slid his tongue past your lips and into your mouth. 

You could barely keep your legs from collapsing as he tasted every corner and every inch of your cavity. His desperation for you was palpable, and it made you all the more dizzy. It was difficult to even keep up with him, you were reduced to trembling legs and occasional gasps that left your mouth as you ran out of air. 

If it wasn’t for the arm Kenpachi had slid around your waist, you would have fallen down once he pulled away. The lack of air had made you lightheaded, and your face felt impossibly hot. 

Were kisses supposed to feel that good?

“Another.” You demanded once you’ve caught your breath, gazing at him with pleading eyes as you ran your hands up his tunic to bring him down again. “I demand another.”

With his usual cocky smirk, Kenpachi leaned down to kiss your lips once more. This time a little slower and gentler, but still just as eager. 

[saintobio]

HELLOOO FINALLY GOT TO SEND AN ASK!!!

first of allllll…. i think the time momjo sending the child guardian paper (?) that satoru typed out of anger is a hint…. and then satoru telling yn that sachiro called akemi mama… this honestly hurts alot more, imahine carrying your baby for 9 months, taking care of baby sachiro for 3 years alone, all the sleepless nights… and sachiro just ugh u dumbass small brain toddler (literally). anyways, satoru looking at akemi during suguru and shoko’s wedding, his hand rubbing akemi’s stomach at the cabin when she was in pain. honestly this part was akemi faking her pain or…? cuz there was a line that said after satoru asked if she wanted to go home her face didnt show anymore pain ? lololll idk. i dislike (hate) gojokemi but i think theyre gonna be endgame with all these theories coming up oh godddd. and the way yn threw the necklace into the lake, satoru went to search for it but did he manage to find it ? no. but during sn yn (well, suguru) found gojos wedding band. so in sy, yn threw away satoru’s “heart”, and it was never found again, thats a hint (?) bruhhh i hate thissss (i love this so much actually it made me feel so much i love u saint) i also recall the first time satoru and akemi first did it together he said smthg like i could learn to love u ? if i remember correctly. and the morning at the cabin after yn and gojo did it, yn was crying bcs they had a heartfelt talk ? and u mentioned they both felt guilty. the guilt is…. yeah.

BUT ALSO, satoru once said that yn has always been the one, sera when she saw gojo after forever told sukuna that he looks different when hes being with akemi, like hes not being himself? but that was when they first got together so idk about now. him not calling gojokemi exclusive. oh how they were happy and loving when yn got pregnant 🥹 but well it lasted until… yeah. also u said something about gojo gonna be on his knees again, since yn is now depressed and suicidal, i think for her heart disease shes gonna sign a DNR, then satoru on his knees maybe begging the doctors idk gawd idk someone mentioned dnr and i just… 🙂 its not that she wanna leave sachiro either, but i think shes telling herself everything will be better if she dies since sachiro, still very young, doesnt even really remember yn (just why sachiro) and called akemi mama… also why the hell didnt gojo use protection when fucking akemi oh gawd pls hate u satoru if she gets preggo.

anyways, i cant wait for gen to be back. i love u gen and ian.

oooh i also remember that you said there was a scene that inspired the birth of sn/sy, was it in chapter 11 ? or we’re not there yet…

honestly why dont yn just join shoko and suguru and be in a happy poly relationship ever looollll just kidding. my heart hurts, im still all in for gojoyn endgame but it doesnt seem realistic. ive been cursing gojo and akemi ever since the chapter came out loolll gotta give myself credit for being able to do my exams while still thinking bout this. 💀

omg there’s a lot to unfold here idk where to start 😭 but i just wanna say, it’s amazing how you’re so thorough in remembering those details in sn/sy bcos i honesty don’t have enough attention span to do that !!! sdjsj now while i can’t answer everything you mentioned, i can say a few things:

- akemi isn’t faking her pain, she’s truly struggling from it

- gojo doesn’t want kids outside of marriage (or should i say if not with yn), so he’s definitely careful with it.

- yes, it is indeed sy11 that birthed the sequel :’) i had that scene in mind before sn was even finished

[meazalykov]

redirection V

esmee brugts x reader

last chapter: redirection IV

next chapter: redirection VI

esmee and I arrived at the beach just as the sun hit its peak in the day. luckily the heat wasn’t this intense during the recovery training earlier, or else we would’ve been exhausted. the moist air was filled with the sound of gentle waves. a few children were laughing as they were playing volleyball a few feet away. 

my heart fluttered with a mix of excitement and nerves as i walked alongside esmee, after we grabbed our things from the trunk of my car. she looked stunning with her blue jean shorts and white linen button up. 

i wore an oversized white linen button up too, with matching linen pants. almost matching with my barcelona teammate– and crush. yes, i will finally admit that to myself.

"this place is beautiful– I came here with my mom and brother when they visited here a few weeks ago." esmee said, her eyes sparkling as she looked around. i looked at her with a faint smile as i see the shimmer in her eyes. it's clear that she misses her family just as much as I missed mine. 

"it is, and awe that sounds nice." I replied, trying to keep my voice steady as we stepped on the hot sand. luckily i am wearing my birkenstock sandals but the sand still hits the top of my feet.

we found a quiet spot not too far from the parking areas and set up our beach chairs. we laid down towels and unpacked a small cooler (thanks to esmee) filled with drinks and snacks. 

the beach wasn't too crowded, thankfully, giving us a sense of privacy. we haven’t been in barcelona for too long, but many femeni fans have recognized us outside of the stadium before. 

after setting up, we were able to lay down on our beach chairs. the sun hit the front of my body and i felt relaxed. 

esmee reclined on her chair, her black sunglasses perched on her nose. she appeared relaxed but I had a feeling that she was just as nervous as I was. 

i couldn't help but steal glances at her as she closed her eyes from the bright sun. the sunlight danced on her hair, which was unbraided since she took her braids out in her apartment.

i recline my chair and turned my head to the side, covering my eyes with my hands due to the sun. at first, i grabbed a cold water bottle from the cooler before  trying to subtly peek at esmee, who seemed to be dozing off.

suddenly, she giggled, startling me. "why are you staring at me?" she asked, a playful tone in her voice. she raised her sunglasses to her forehead as she could fully see me without the shade. 

my eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat, and my mind fumbled for an excuse. "i... i was just, um, making sure you were comfortable," I stammered, feeling my cheeks flush as I looked away towards the water.

she smiled, her eyes still closed. "you're sweet," she said softly, making my heart flutter even more.

after soaking up the sun for a while, i figured it was time for a swim. "do you want to go in the water?" i asked, standing up and removing my white linen button up and pants to reveal my red bikini. 

i felt a bit self-conscious but was unaware of esmee's gaze lingering on my body. she didn’t speak as her brown eyes checked me out.

"sure," she replied after my head turned from looking out to the water to facing her. 

i smiled at her before pulling away and spotted the sunscreen poking out of one of our tote bags. “esmee!! I just realized that we forgot to put on sunscreen!” 

my hands reached for the can of sunscreen out of the bag. esmee watched me as i sprayed my body all around the front of myself with sunscreen. 

the dutch girl notices me struggling to spray sunscreen on my back. i didn’t ask for help, but esmee stands up and pulls off her shorts and button-up– revealing her navy blue swimsuit—  before she grabs the can away from my hands gently. 

“here i’ll help you.” she offers. i held my hair up from my back as she sprayed the back of my body. i couldn’t help but feel a nervous tingle in my stomach. 

esmee gave the can of sunscreen back to me and I returned the offer for her. 

after we were finished, we walked down to the water together– slowly due to the sinking sand below our feet.  the cool waves started lapping at our feet, i felt a growing sense of ease. 

“the water is cold!” i held my waist as we walked further into the water. esmee didn’t respond verbally, but she did nod her head in agreement. 

after a few minutes of our bodies getting used to the slightly cool water– we started to swim around enjoying the refreshing sea. the playful atmosphere that followed eased our shyness, and for a while, i forgot about my nerves.

at some point, esmee splashed me with the water, and in retaliation, I lunged onto her body, causing us both to fall into the water, laughing uncontrollably after we came up from the water.

“esmee what the heck!” i laughed, unaware that my legs wrapped around her waist. i don’t think she is aware that she is holding onto my legs as well. 

“i’m sorry I couldn’t help it!!” she laughs. my legs unwrap around her waist before we (silently) agreed to head out of the water. 

after tanning for a few hours– the evening came, and we decided to grab dinner at a nearby beachside café. we found a cozy spot with a view of the ocean that we just swam in. 

“you know– i’m starting to like it here.” I talked to esmee. we got onto the topic about moving to barcelona after transferring from our childhood clubs a month ago. 

“you hated it here?” esmee’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. 

“oh no! i never did– its just—- i’ve never been here before. it was hard getting used to this place– but the team is making it so much easier for me,” i responded. 

“ohh that makes sense. i got used to it here after a week or so, i grew up coming to barcelona with my uncle and brother–they’re barcelona fans– so i was already familiar with things here.” esmee spoke. i took a sip of my water as i looked at her with a faint smile. 

“that sounds fun. america isn’t really close to here, and my family always chose mexico, costa rica, or jamaica for their summer vacations– so i’ve never been to europe until now.” i frown. esmee’s eyes widened as i said the last part. 

“no way?! not even for international breaks?” esmee asked. 

“no, the only european team i played a friendly against was germany– and they came to miami to play us.” i shrugged my shoulders at the memory. 

even though i wasn’t called up to the world cup by vlatko for the world cup, he still gave me the opportunity to represent the uswnt multiple times. my first cap was against australia in november 2021, the same game I scored my first goal for my country. 

I have a thing for scoring in my debuts...

“well, during the champions league competition we will all show you around new places and you can even come to the netherlands at some point with me, i’ll be happy to show you around.” esmee smiled. 

“i’ll take you up on those offers, thank you es.” i joked around before thanking her.

as we finished our meal, i had to drive esmee home. the ride was quiet with her aux playing throughout. esmee was on her phone but i’ve managed to take a stolen glances towards her. 

“i had a really great time today," i said as i put the car ignition in park. esmee looked at my hands before looking at me with a smile. my voice was soft but sincere.

"me too, i needed some time away from the pitch and my apartment" she replied, smiling at me as we both giggled at her relatable comment.

“thats true, if you’re ever bored. please text me to hang out, i’ll probably be bored in my apartment too.” i smiled. 

“what about berry and maca?” esmee said. i placed my hands into my lap before turning my body to face hers in the passenger seat. 

“they’d love your company.” i smiled as i looked into her eyes. she looks away from me and smiles before looking out the window to her apartment for a few seconds. 

observing her actions– i wondered if she felt the same way as i did for her. 

remembering what (almost) happened in my apartment earlier– i suddenly had the courage to be bolder when she looks back at me. we didn’t say anything for a few seconds. all i heard and felt was my heart beating in my chest. 

without thinking, my body leaned over the car’s console and i kissed her on the cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin against my lips. 

her eyes widened in surprise, a smile spreading across her face as i pulled away. at first, she didn’t say anything, which scared me. 

she looked at me before i felt both of her hands grab my right. 

"we should do this again, y/n" she said, her voice just as soft.

"definitely," I nodded, my heart racing.

we shared a lingering look before she stepped out of the car. i got out of the car to help her get her things from my trunk. she insisted that i didn’t need to help her bring her things to her apartment– but i still did. she waved me goodbye as she drove away, but something inside of me wished we were at the stage where i didn’t have to leave. 

next chapter: redirection VI

<3

[huellitaa]

hello hello huelittaa 👋✨ do u have any tips for someone struggling with motivation to workout? or even to take a simple walk? thank uu 🤍

bee's physical activity handbook: motive 🎀 . ݁₊ ⊹

hiiii ml!!!!!!!! 🫶🏻🩷💗 sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days BUT IM HERE NOW !!!!! honestly this is something i also struggle with myself ,, i am still recovering from depression personally so this is still difficult for me sometimes too but these are some things i do !!!! ♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. prepare urself for the possibility

so since i know i have this problem a lot, it helps me to be prepared for this in advance. i actually have a whole notion page filled with a table of letters to myself in specific situations i find myself in a lot, this included, and have a whole archived stored of cute photos and motivation and things like articles and videos and tumblr posts on the main page and in the letters that make me wanna get up and do shit and its my LIFESAVER. (should i make a post on this?)

but i'd suggest to keep a note or page or document , physical or digital, filled with just motivation for this specific thing, like things you like about it, photos romanticising working out or going outside, songs that motivate you, etc etc etc. the list goes on but you get the point ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 2. detective chapter: analysis! ♡

figure out why you dont want to. this is the main thing that helps me and its so simple but once u figure out the root u figure out the rest and this applies just the same here too. is it laziness? mental health? exhaustion? overworking? burnout? you won't be able to continue until you haven't found the actual problem. it's like trying to travel with no path to travel on.

💭𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. pep talk!

one thing i do that helps me the most is literally just lay in bed or wherever you are where ur procrastinating and thinking about this over and over and going back and forth whether to do it or not is to force the thoughts out (literally. u can envision it if it helps!) and deadass bully myself into doing it 😭😭

(🗒🎀 note: i've also found it helps for some people to do this in the mirror, just so ur face to face w urself as it were. plus u get to admire urself at the same time so its a win all around)

if ur not into harsh motivation, another thing i love, esp when im not feeling great enough to deal w harsh motivation is pretend ur giving advice to a friend or ur child in this position. this is one of the greatest pieces of advice ive ever gotten i literally cannot stress this enough. do this‼️ p.s. you can do this in ur head or out loud. i usually do some mix of both because i am a professional at talking to myself constantly literally all the time

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. use gratitude in ur favour!

one thing i like to do is essentially guilt trip myself into doing it. erm. you can also call this gratitude it sounds a lot better. think of how grateful you are to even have the opportunity to go outside safely to go for a walk, to be able to work out and keep urself healthy, because there's always someone who's not going to be able to do those things. it is a privilege to live your life and this should be classed as one too.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. all about the outlook

another thing i love that falls into the category of motivation is treating it as an act of love and luxury rather than a chore and changing ur outlook on it. for example,

"oh, i have to do this or i'm a failure" or "i really don't want to do it today"

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ into...

"i deserve to do this for myself because i deserve to be taken care of and kept in good health."

and i find this makes me so much more open to it because you do deserve it.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. romanticism; obviously!

okayyyy i know you hear this EVERYWHERE but ‼️its‼️because‼️its true‼️ romanticism is my LIFE not a day goes by where i dont act like im a silly girl in a pink girly shoujo world, and i do this even more so when i dont wanna get up and do simple tasks like this.

some things that give me motivation via romanticism is getting dressed up and cute even if i'm just going for a walk and listening to music and appreciating the world (🗒🎀 note: i love taking pictures or going on different routes whenever i go for walks! it makes the experience so much sweeter and more enjoyable ♡), or putting on cute clothes, loud music and grabbing a pretty waterbottle and hyping myself up to do even just 10 mins of pilates because something is always better than nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 7. something is better than nothing

with the last note from my previous point in mind, try and always do just a little bit, even if it's not the amount you intended. say you wanted to workout for 20 minutes every day, but you really weren't feeling it today? do 10 instead. this way ur still doing something. we always have tomorrow. take it at ur own pace. you wanted to go running every day? just go for a walk. you can always try again. there is no limit on how many attempts you have with these things. this is always better than just doing nothing at all. this is basically finding the middle ground when you do these things. which leads me onto my final point ,,♡

✨️𓂃 ࣪˖ 8. finding the middle ground

the no.1 thing in all of this is please don't beat urself up for it if you don't feel like it sometimes, but still keep to it as best as possible. say for example you really didn't want to one day but you had no real reason not to, you should still do it. but if your emotional or physical health or anything like that is in a bad place right now, then allow urself to skip for a day or two. dont beat urself up over it, but keep to it when and where you can because i know its difficult sometimes ♡

all my love, and u got this!!!!!!!!!! 🩷🫶🏻💬💗🎀

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Phantom Grin

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: Bruce Wayne visits his son's grave on the night of his resurrection. Will it change Jason's fate, or is it all simply inevitable?

Chapters: 2/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain

Relationship(s): Jason Todd/Original Character

Additional Tags: Canon Divergent AU, Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain, Jason Todd is Disabled, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Resurrected Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Get Along

Chapter Two: Tresses

Jason struggled wordlessly as the hospital's nurses tried to restrain him. He felt weak and dizzy, but he had to escape. "Let him go! Let him go! I've got him!" Bruce hollered, "It's okay." He grabbed Jason by the shoulders, and Jason sat still, hyperventilating as tears fell from his eyes. "Look at me. It's alright. I know this is scary, and I know you don't know where you are, but I need you to stop fighting them." Jason couldn't remember anything or anyone, but he knew that Bruce was safe. Jason lay back down and let the nurses put the soft restraints on. Dick stood a ways back, watching. Bruce let Jason hold onto his fingers. "Bruce," Dick whispered. Bruce pushed Jason's curls out of his face. "Bruce," Dick raised his voice. "What?" Bruce snapped. "He's awake? He's really awake," Dick whispered. Jason looked around the room and back at Bruce. "It's gonna be alright," Bruce whispered while a nurse gave Jason a sedative. "You're gonna go to sleep, but I'll be here when you wake up... I'm not going anywhere." Jason sank into the bed and relaxed. Bruce pulled Jason's blankets back up, and he took a deep breath. Bruce waited until the nurses were gone to speak to Dick. "Why don't I feel at ease?" Bruce asked. "Because it's real... He's really awake," Dick mumbled, "I'm gonna try to find him something to wear. I don't think he's gonna fit any of his old stuff." Bruce grabbed Dick's wrist. "Can you bring me something from Jason's room?" Bruce asked. Dick nodded, and Bruce whispered the words in his ear.

Dick nodded, and he was gone. Jason lay fast asleep for hours, and Bruce sat up, keeping watch. Tim came in through the window in his Robin costume. "He woke up... Jason woke up?" Tim asked. Bruce nodded. "You shouldn't—." "I know, I'm just here to drop off a gift. I've been carrying it around with me just in case Jason woke up... And he did. You gonna tell him?" Tim asked as he sat in the window. "I don't even know how much he understands... But I'll tell him when the time comes," Bruce whispered. Tim looked at Jason and cocked his head. "What?" "His hair... You can't even tell he's got a scar anymore," Tim whispered. Bruce tensed. "Sorry... I'll go—." "No, it's alright... I didn't want his hair cut while he was still-. I mean, I'll probably have it cut if that's what he wants," Bruce mumbled, "You know, I'm not gonna take this from you." "It's not up to you, B, but thanks," Tim replied before leaving out the window. Bruce frowned. Bruce sat with Jason in silence until the sun came up, and Jason woke up again. He tried to move his arms in the restraints, and he whimpered. "No, no, it's okay. It's alright," Bruce reassured him, "Here, you want me to let you loose?" Jason's breathing was quick and shallow as he started to cry. Jason looked at Bruce, and he wanted to speak, but he couldn't find words. He couldn't remember names or how he got there, but Jason could remember one thing, he hated being restrained. Bruce unbound one of Jason's hands, and as soon as his hand was free, he reached for his IV, and Bruce grabbed his hand. "No," Bruce whispered. Jason made a noise before seeing the stern look on Bruce's face. "No... I'm gonna let you out of the other one, and I'm gonna ask you a few questions. I know you're confused, so you can nod, yes or shake your head, no," Bruce explained. Jason lay back and closed his eyes while Bruce let his other arm loose. Silence fell between the two, and Jason stared at Bruce. "Do you know my name?" Jason shook his head. "Do you wanna see if the doctor will let me take you out for a little walk today when Dick gets back with your clothes?" Bruce asked. Jason didn't answer. "Do you remember your name?" Jason shook his head, and he reached for Bruce's hand. Bruce took it in his. Dick knocked on the door and entered the room. "Hey, good morning, Jason," Dick smiled. It was strange seeing Jason sitting up and looking around. Even stranger seeing his long wild curls and his big blue eyes curiously searching around the room. It was as if Jason was lost. Dick pulled a sweater out of a plastic bag. "See, I got you a few things to wear." Jason let go of Bruce's hand before he pointed to his IV. Dick nodded. "I'll wait and see if the doctors take them out... But if you're okay today, they should let you..." Bruce whispered Dick's name to Jason, and Jason nodded. Jason touched Dick's hand, and Dick let go of the sweater and shook Jason's hand. Jason didn't let go. Dick smiled uncomfortably, and Jason let go. "Do you want to see yourself?" Dick asked as he pulled out a mirror, and Jason caught a glimpse of himself. He pulled at his curls. They bounced back when he let go. "Yeah, your hair's gotten pretty long. You want it cut?" Jason shook his head. One of the nurses came in to check Jason's vitals, and he kept his eyes trained on Bruce, who had since grabbed his hand again. "Hi, Jason... I'm Nurse Mallory," she introduced herself. Jason wouldn't look at her. "Jason, can you say my name." Jason made the sound for the first letter of her name, but he couldn't push himself farther than that. Jason frowned. "That's okay." Bruce squeezed Jason's hand, and Dick made a soft noise. She asked a few other questions and gave a few commands. Jason grew agitated and shut his eyes. He wanted to tell her to stop asking him to do things. Jason just wanted to be with his people, Bruce and Dick. He didn't know them, but he knew Dick was kind and that Bruce was... safe.

[daenerystargaryen06]

" we have ample evidence from the books that there can/will be a Targ Restoration, but it won't end with the Targs on the throne"

could you tell me which ones?

The evidence for a Targ restoration is laid within small hints and foreshadowing within the books. It is subtle and not easily caught, but if you take a moment to go through the books with a careful eye and speculate over the reasons GRRM has written certain things in Dany and Jon's chapters, it can be led as a potential hint/speculative potential of Dany and Jon to be the ones to carry out the Targ legacy/restoration.

Let's begin with the beginning foundations of Dany and Jon being set up to meet:

"A blue flower grew from a chink in a wall of ice, and filled the air with sweetness. . . . mother of dragons, bride of fire . . ." -A Clash of Kings - Daenerys IV

"We should have twenty trebuchets, not two, and they should be mounted on sledges and turntables so we could move them. It was a futile thought. He might as well wish for another thousand men, and maybe a dragon or three." -A Storm of Swords - Jon VIII

"Sometimes she would close her eyes and dream of him, but it was never Jorah Mormont she dreamed of; her lover was always younger and more comely, though his face remained a shifting shadow." -A Storm of Swords - Daenerys II

"All in black, he was a shadow among shadows, dark of hair, long of face, grey of eye." -A Clash of Kings - Jon I

Jon and Daenerys are meant to meet, and a relationship will spark between them, as hinted at within the books. GRRM has also stated to D&D (as said by them) that the main point of GoT/ASOIAF is Jon and Daenerys meeting. Two people who struggle with politics, leading, and coming to terms with their true identities. Daenerys just wants peace and a home, Jon just wants to know who his mother was and a home for himself as well.

Now where does Targ restoration come into play and is hinted at? We have a few select lines within the books that give us some subtle cues:

"Drogon killed a little girl. Her name was … her name …" Dany could not recall the child's name. That made her so sad that she would have cried if all her tears had not been burned away. "I will never have a little girl. I was the Mother of Dragons." -A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys X

"I would need to steal her if I wanted her love, but she might give me children. I might someday hold a son of my own blood in my arms. A son was something Jon Snow had never dared dream of, since he decided to live his life on the Wall. I could name him Robb." -A Storm of Swords - Jon XII

Both Jon and Daenerys think of having children, but both resign into accepting that they may never have children of their own. Daenerys due to believing she was cursed by Mirri Maz Duur, and Jon due to being a sworn brother of the Night's Watch along with thinking that he is a bastard.

There is also the fact that when Daenerys is out upon the Dothraki Sea, she has a miscarriage:

"When she woke, gasping, her thighs were slick with blood. . . For a moment she did not realize what it was. The world had just begun to lighten, and the tall grass rustled softly in the wind. No, please, let me sleep some more. I'm so tired. She tried to burrow back beneath the pile of grass she had torn up when she went to sleep. Some of the stalks felt wet. Had it rained again? She sat up, afraid that she had soiled herself as she slept. When she brought her fingers to her face, she could smell the blood on them. Am I dying? Then she saw the pale crescent moon, floating high above the grass, and it came to her that this was no more than her moon blood. If she had not been so sick and scared, that might have come as a relief. Instead she began to shiver violently. She was bleeding, but it was only woman's blood. The moon is still a crescent, though. How can that be? She tried to remember the last time she had bled. The last full moon? The one before? The one before that? No, it cannot have been so long as that. . . As she splashed her face, she saw fresh blood on her thighs. The ragged hem of her undertunic was stained with it. The sight of so much red frightened her. Moon blood, it's only my moon blood, but she did not remember ever having such a heavy flow." -A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys X

When Daenerys has the miscarriage, she thinks it's her menstrual cycle. But the blood is too heavy, and occurs after she has eaten green berries and drank polluted water upon the Dothraki Sea- which could have resulted in her losing the pregnancy. This is a subtle hint that Daenerys can get pregnant, and likely will get pregnant again with Jon's child in the future, and will carry it to full term.

There are also hints within the books of Viserion exhibiting nesting like behavior, which can also result in bringing more dragon eggs into the world, that would eventually hatch and bring a new age of dragons:

"Viserion had shattered one chain and melted the others. He clung to the roof of the pit like some huge white bat, his claws dug deep into the burnt and crumbling bricks." -A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys VIII

"For a moment he saw only the blackened arches of the bricks above, scorched by dragonflame. A trickle of ash caught his eye, betraying movement. Something pale, half-hidden, stirring. He's made himself a cave, the prince realized. A burrow in the brick. The foundations of the Great Pyramid of Meereen were massive and thick to support the weight of the huge structure overhead; even the interior walls were three times thicker than any castle's curtain walls. But Viserion had dug himself a hole in them with flame and claw, a hole big enough to sleep in." -A Dance with Dragons - The Dragontamer

Dragons are mentioned within the book to be genderless, truly, and they can switch their gender at will. Which means that any one of Daenerys' dragons could lay eggs and bring more dragons into the world, but Viserion might be the one to do so first.

"No one ever looked for a girl," he said. "It was a prince that was promised, not a princess. Rhaegar, I thought . . . the smoke was from the fire that devoured Summerhall on the day of his birth, the salt from the tears shed for those who died. He shared my belief when he was young, but later he became persuaded that it was his own son who fulfilled the prophecy, for a comet had been seen above King's Landing on the night Aegon was conceived, and Rhaegar was certain the bleeding star had to be a comet. What fools we were, who thought ourselves so wise! The error crept in from the translation. Dragons are neither male nor female, Barth saw the truth of that, but now one and now the other, as changeable as flame. The language misled us all for a thousand years. Daenerys is the one, born amidst salt and smoke. The dragons prove it." Just talking of her seemed to make him stronger. "I must go to her. I must. Would that I was even ten years younger." -A Feast for Crows - Samwell IV

As for Jon and Daenerys not winding up on the throne, that is mere speculation. But Jon and Daenerys both long for home, and even though their arcs are centered around ruling, leading, politics, etc. they necessarily don't want the burden of ruling as well. Both are thrust into their positions of power and are doing the best they can with being so young and having to deal with all of this going on. Which means that in the end they could very well turn away from ruling to lead their own lives of peace within a home they find for themselves with their future potential children.

"If I were not the blood of the dragon, she thought wistfully, this could be my home. She was khaleesi, she had a strong man and a swift horse, handmaids to serve her, warriors to keep her safe, an honored place in the dosh khaleen awaiting her when she grew old … and in her womb grew a son who would one day bestride the world. That should be enough for any woman … but not for the dragon. With Viserys gone, Daenerys was the last, the very last. She was the seed of kings and conquerors, and so too the child inside her. She must not forget." -A Game of Thrones - Daenerys VI

"Meereen was not her home, and never would be. It was a city of strange men with strange gods and stranger hair, of slavers wrapped in fringed tokars, where grace was earned through whoring, butchery was art, and dog was a delicacy. Meereen would always be the Harpy's city, and Daenerys could not be a harpy." -A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys X

"We will have it all back someday, sweet sister," he would promise her. Sometimes his hands shook when he talked about it. "The jewels and the silks, Dragonstone and King's Landing, the Iron Throne and the Seven Kingdoms, all they have taken from us, we will have it back." Viserys lived for that day. All that Daenerys wanted back was the big house with the red door, the lemon tree outside her window, the childhood she had never known." -A Game of Thrones - Daenerys I

"Of the ride back, Jon Snow remembered little. It seemed shorter than the journey south, perhaps because his mind was elsewhere. Pyp set the pace, galloping, walking, trotting, and then breaking into another gallop. Mole's Town came and went, the red lantern over the brothel long extinguished. They made good time. Dawn was still an hour off when Jon glimpsed the towers of Castle Black ahead of them, dark against the pale immensity of the Wall. It did not seem like home this time." -A Game of Thrones - Jon IX

"Thunder rumbled softly in the distance, but above him the clouds were breaking up. Jon searched the sky until he found the Ice Dragon, then turned the mare north for the Wall and Castle Black. The throb of pain in his thigh muscle made him wince as he put his heels into the old man's horse. I am going home, he told himself. But if that was true, why did he feel so hollow?" -A Storm of Swords - Jon V

"When the dreams took him, he found himself back home once more, splashing in the hot pools beneath a huge white weirwood that had his father's face. Ygritte was with him, laughing at him, shedding her skins till she was naked as her name day, trying to kiss him, but he couldn't, not with his father watching. He was the blood of Winterfell, a man of the Night's Watch. I will not father a bastard, he told her. I will not. I will not. "You know nothing, Jon Snow," she whispered, her skin dissolving in the hot water, the flesh beneath sloughing off her bones until only skull and skeleton remained, and the pool bubbled thick and red." -A Storm of Swords - Jon VI

There is also the fact that apparently GRRM told D&D that Bran would become King. Now, I don't exactly believe that myself as stated in another post made by me here. And there is also the fact that GRRM could change Bran's ending/role, or make him King of something else (such as King of the North). But if Bran DOES become King of the 7k as stated by D&D for GRRM's planned ending, Jon and Daenerys bringing a Targ restoration together within their own form of home away from ruling is another ending I can imagine for them. We have the groundwork and subtle cues/hints/foreshadowing for such a thing to happen. Of course, I do want Jon and Daenerys to wind up ruling together as equals over the 7k with a family of their own and their dragons, but in the end- I'll accept any ending just as long as my babies wind up together and happy. Thanks for the ask! :)

[commander-rahrah]

Talking to the Moon: Part VI

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader Word Count: ~4800 Warnings: slightly suggestive, swearing, blood, non-con touching (Cazador touching reader), some borrowed in game dialogue, canonical warnings apply!

archiveofourown: here

masterlist: here

part I: here part II: here part III: here part IV: here part V: here

Summary: Set in Act III, after you arrive in Baldur's Gate and have met some of Astarion's siblings but not yet confronted Cazador. Astarion struggles with inner turmoil as he is suddenly thrusted back into the clutches of his old master's influence.

Notes: Long time no update! Long story short December was the month where everything was bad and everything hurt - ER hospital visits and many, many days laying in bed and on the couch very unmotivated and just wanting to feel better! I am very grateful to be feeling better and up to writing as my fics is one of my favorite creative outlets! So thank you for being patient between updates! I really appreciate it and any kind of interaction like a reblog, like or comment truly makes my friggin' day!

So this update and the next chapter will be focused on confronting Cazador! I have had these thoughts and ideas to add more to the in-game scenes since the very first time I played it! I was doing a multiplayer save with my fiancé and the second we finished Astarion's quest (I sobbed the entire time btw) I stayed up all night writing all my thoughts onto my notes app. I didn't even intend to write into a fic back then, I just wanted the outlet of writing it all down to help with how emotional I was feeling about it all! And now a few months later, I have a fic with over 30k words. Aha... whoops!

Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this update and the slight changes and add-ons I've added to this final part of Astarion's quest. I honestly teared up writing parts of it, because Astarion and his and my Tav's story means so much to me, I couldn't help it. ALSO, I don't plan on these being the last updates since it is the "end" of Astarion's quests. I still have plans for this Tav/Reader and Astarion yet. Not enough kissing and happiness had happened yet!! Just some angst and pain has to happen first.

As always, reblogs and comments are very very appreciated ♡♡♡

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You had wandered the streets of Baldur’s Gate before. Long before the nautiloid, in your time living in the city you had explored as much of the exciting city as you could. But never like this.

Your party had taken every cobblestone street, every back alley and shortcut. Astarion lead the way for most of them, pointing things out and sharing antidotes with you.

But you noticed how his smile strained at times, that he was wearing down the stitches on his leather pants from his fingers picking them nervously. At night when you slept side by side you’d wake to him trembling and muttering through a nightmare, which had become more frequent since you stepped into the city boundaries.

The vampire has been so sure of the next step in the Shadowlands and Wyrm’s Crossing. But now anytime you neared the streets leading to Cazador’s castle, he was turning on his heel and looking at one of your companions to ask what they needed to do instead.

Meeting his siblings days ago had been eye-opening. You thought you understood what he had gone through, that the memories he had described to you, and even shown you through the tadpoles, was enough. But after seeing how controlled and manipulated Petras and Dalyria had been… What they were being forced to do…You couldn’t bring yourself to picture Astarion like that.

You couldn’t imagine the turmoil and anguish going through your lover — seeing his siblings, being in the city again in a way he never thought he would, being so close to seizing power that could change his fate forever. You hadn’t voiced that every time he mentioned taking the ritual for himself fear stabbed in your belly. You knew what was motivating him to even consider the choice — outright fear and the call of power that was easily addicting. But too many things in his life has been decided for him… so you didn’t voice that to him, instead insisting that you only needed for him to be safe and happy. You trusted him to make the right choice.

You did trust him. You loved him.

And you showed him as such — throughout the day as you laced your fingers through his, as you rolled your neck for him to feed, as you curled into each other to sleep.

And he had been returning that trust and love back.

He had continued to expand his boundaries with you, slowly but surely as the days went on. Your quiet time together after a long day, you were a reprieve he sought out over and over. You whispered and giggled with each other between kisses in your shared bed in the Elfsong Tavern — tucked into the corner and hidden behind privacy screens. Privacy screens that Karlach had loudly dragged over before giving you both a very unsubtle wink. Then she did the same for her and Shadowheart.

The teasing had been relentless.

You still hadn’t taken those final steps, and you were in no rush too. Astarion’s happiness and agency was the most important to you, always. Yet, you couldn’t help the way your heart thundered and breath got higher as he slowly explored any kind of touch and intimacy with you again.

You were laid together now, draped across each other — you only in your night clothes and Astarion in very thin linen pants. You were pressed gently on top of him, your voice and lips whispering across his pale skin as he pointed his fingertip to various parts of his body. His new game he had started that night — seemingly convinced that he would find a part of himself that you did not love.

Utterly impossible — but you indulged him anyways.

“Even this? You like this?” He pointed to his knobby elbow.

"Hmm,” You hummed approvingly, pressing a gentle peck to the bare, taut skin of his bent joint.

His low laughter rumbled through both of you, shaking you slightly. “I’m running out of ideas.”

You eyed him greedily, “I��m not. You’ve missed some of your best parts.”

“Have I?” He cocked a brow, a smirk spreading across his face. “Alright, go on then.”

“I can—?”

“Mhmm,” He nodded his head against the silk pillow, settling himself deeper into the mattress under your weight.

Swallowing, you took him in underneath you and felt your mind start whirring. Slow, patient, soft — you reminded yourself. You gently touched his jawline, the tip of your finger following the strong line. “Here.”

Then your forefinger and thumb rubbed the cartilage on the tops of his ears, “Here.” His mouth fell open deliciously with that one.

“Here,” You caressed the mole on his cheek with a swipe of your thumb.

You continued your movements, so drawn into him that you didn’t notice his red eyes blazing as they flickered between watching your hand and watching your face.

Your fingers gracefully dragged across him. His Adam’s apple. His knuckles. Collarbone. Inner wrist.

“I told you, there is no part of you that I do not like. Every inch of you I want to—“ You cut yourself off. Perhaps that was too much. This was a fun, teasing game — exploratory and gentle. You hadn’t meant to make it about your own desire and arousal.

He swallowed, his mouth hanging open slightly, “You want to what?”

You let out a fake cough, lifting yourself off of him slightly with a blush crossing your cheeks. “Well, I—“

A grin spread across his face, “Oh, I love it when you get all coy.” He purred, pulling you back before you could fully get away. “Tell me, please.” He whispered.

“There isn’t an inch of you that I don’t wish to kiss. To taste.” You admitted huskily, the heat on your face spreading to your neck.

The groan that escaped him made the fire in your belly sputter even hotter.

“Show me?” He asked softly, but his tone was slightly more sultry than before.

“Sho—show you?”

He nodded before fidgeting under you to display himself more — stretching out his neck, spreading his arms out.

“May I—“

“Darling,” He said the pet name a tad exasperated as his slowly closing eyes snapped to yours. “This was my idea. You don’t have to ask every time.”

“Yes, I do.” You insisted.

He rolled his eyes playfully, shaking his soft curls, “Really—“

But you cut him off. “Astarion, I do. I will continue to. It’s important to me. I never want you to do something you don’t want. I never want to make you feel like that with me.”

“You haven’t. I know you wouldn’t.” He trailed his pale fingers through the hair hanging in front of your face as you hovered over him. He tucked it behind your ear.

“I know it seems like a silly question, especially between us but I want you to know you can—“

It was his turn to cut you off, silencing you with a reassuring kiss. He was looking at you with astonishment when you finally opened your eyes from the deep kiss. “What ever did I do to deserve you my lovely moon?”

You smiled tenderly down at him, “Perhaps it was fate.”

“Hmm," His red eyes blinked slowly, "I used to despise that sentiment.”

“And now?”

Astarion gave you one of the most tender smiles you'd ever seen. “I think you might be right.” He ran his fingers gently down your cheek before letting out a dramatic puff. “Now, stop turning me into a sappy lovesick fool and kiss me already.” He growled playfully.

"As you wish, love." You mumbled as you pressed your lips to his.

• • •

You woke with a stir, the weight of the mattress shifting suddenly and then the sound of scuffling feet. Astarion was standing in front of the bed — in front of you defensively, still only in his night pants with his bare chest rising and falling quickly. A dagger was closed in his fist, aimed in front of him of threateningly. “Stop right where you are.” His voice was commanding like it had never been before, but you could still hear a twinge of uncertainty in it.

“You know why we’re here, brother.” A low, masculine voice said — seemingly coming from the dark shadows in the corners of the large suite.

Astarion's stance grew wider, his grip on his dagger tightening until his already pale knuckles turned white. “Come any closer to us and it will be the last thing you do.”

Peering over your lover's figure, you found four pairs of glowing red eyes studying you intently. The hairs on the back of your neck and arms started to stand up.

"I mean it - get the hells away from us!" Astarion growled again, his hand blinding reaching back for you. You laced your fingers through his and a protection spell was on your lips seconds later, muttered quietly until you felt the magical aura surround him.

The rest of your companions were up on their feet after Astarion's shout, pushing in towards your bed, edging around it in a protective semi-circle. Most of them were scantily clad in only undergarments and nightclothes - but all of them had their hands glowing with magic or weapons drawn. Fury was etched on every one of their faces from the intrusion and threat.

One of the female vampires eyed the rest of your group, counting and calculating. Then she raised her hands up, "We come in peace, brother."

"You call this peace, Aurelia?" He frowned at her. Your grip on him tightened as you stood up and tried to go to his side, but he stepped in front of you protectively once again.

A male stepped forward slightly, his mouth and eyes ruby red with deep scars carved over his skin, trailing down his chin. It was a terrifying sight. But his voice did not match his appearance, and instead was laced with desperation and hope. "The master needs all seven us for the ceremony. Come with us and be reborn. We'll live again."

The suite remained deadly silent. Like you all were waiting to see who would make the first move, who would let loose a spell or swing a blade first.

But it was your meek voice that broke the silence, "How did you find us?"

Their red eyes snapped instantly to you, but it was one of his sister's who spoke. "Master Cazador has known where Astarion was this entire time — where both of you were. He has been watching carefully since you arrived in the city."

"You know what our master will do to them.” His scarred brother warned, nodding his head towards you. His eyes almost looked... sad.

“He won’t get the chance, Leon.” Astarion snarled back.

Leon raised his hands defensively, "We aren't here for them. We are here about the rite. The master needs you. You must attend."

Astarion scoffed, "Oh, I am well aware of what the master needs. But don't we all deserve better?" His features were contorted in a strange mixture of emotion. "After these centuries of torment, I know what you all want. More then power. More than to walk in the sun. You want to see him dead."

The desire for revenge, for Cazador's death, did not surprise you. He had said as much, and bluntly too. You had agreed that Cazador deserved such a fate after the years of abuse and exploitation he had forced upon Astarion.

"If you think I will be a willing sacrifice for him and his deranged ritual, you really are stupidly blinded by him."

"Sacrifice?" Aurelia stepped forward, shaking her head. "No, this is our way to cheat undeath."

"Is that the lie he told you?" He sneered.

"I-"

Astarion's lips curled up, "You're all fools. You think he cares about us? You think he will grant us such power? We are nothing but pawns to be slaughtered for the king — one final, grand maneuver so he can win the game."

His four siblings shook with disbelief. "The master doesn't need to lie to us. He controls us, fully. Why go through the trouble of giving us hope..."

Leon got there first, his face crumbling. "Because its more cruel... shit."

The vampires exchanged a look — a look between siblings that you knew well. One that you had shared with your own brother many times. A silent conversation had happened between them in an instant.

"That manipulative bastard." The other female finally spoke, her words a hiss between her fanged teeth.

"How did we not see this?"

Leon squared his shoulders, moving his red eyes to look back at his free brother. "Astarion is right... because we are blind fools."

"We must go before he compels us too— agghhh." Aurelia grabbed her head, her expression one of excruciating pain. "Aggghhhhh!"

"Take her." Leon commanded the other siblings who looped their arms around her, dragging her away as she fought them. But he lingered behind them for a moment, stopping to look over his shoulder and study the pair of you. To look at the rest of your companions surrounding you defensively. "Help us, brother." His voice was a whispered plea, his terrifying, red eyes wide and shining. Then with a loud crack and a sudden puff of red, they were gone.

A collective sigh escaped your party as they disappeared, spells extinguished and weapons dropped down to their sides before they turned to face both of you.

Astarion’s shoulders sagged as he realized his family had indeed left. He all but collapsed into your side, burying his face into the crook of your neck as you held him back. Really, as you held him up.

You stroked his hair as he murmured into your shoulder, “Tomorrow. This ends tomorrow.”

“Okay, my love. We’ll be with you the whole way.” You whispered into his pointed ear, returning the concerned expression of your companions watching as your hold on Astarion tightened a bit more.

• • •

Whatever you do... I just don't want to die down here.

Sebastian’s voice was echoing in his ears, his mind, and creeping down into parts of him he had just barely started to recognize again. Parts of him that a few months ago he had deemed long dead. He had to force his pink lips into a firm line just to stop them from trembling. 

This place, his so-called home was his personal hell. Every step through the fading carpets and ostentatiously decorated rooms had gotten harder and harder — until he had started to feel physically ill. Bile was rising in his throat, his back and palms of his hands turning clammy. And now, standing in the secret, buried crypt beneath — it felt like the castle above him was pressing down, screaming at him of what a luxury it had been that he was a prisoner up there and not down here. That voice in his head, that ringing, echoing voice. Gods, he wished it would stop. 

And you... you had been so uncommonly quiet. You who had lent him your strength since the moment he met you, you and your presence a steady reassurance that he had come to depend on. But his little moon who was usually so chatty and poetic, was so quiet. Your eyes were wide as you followed him through Cazador’s castle, your steps clumsy and dazed like he wasn't the only one walking through this twisted nightmare. Perhaps it was for you — realizing the realities of what he had been through.

When Astarion's composure had really started to shake, you snapped back to reality and were with him in an instant. Your warm fingers threading through his icy ones. Your voice, your soft, hushed voice using the smallest amount of words to try and put his cruel mind at ease. The words you had used were choice, but powerful. You insisted that all of this was Cazador's cruelty — not his. 

But how could he believe that as he stood in front of the cells filled with people he had brought his master? How could he deny the role he played in all of this when he could stare into the eyes of all of those victims — the stupid, innocent fools who in a fleeting moment fell for him. 

Especially when he realized how fortunate, how damn lucky, it was that he never stumbled on you on the streets of Baldur’s Gate the past year you'd lived in the city. 

Astarion stood before the precipice of Cazador’s ritual room. The grand doors that would lead to these final moments just a few steps away from him.

The fine outfit he picked for himself suddenly felt unbearably tight and itchy. The lacy neck scratching and digging into his skin, his leather shoes too restricting. He had wanted to use the clothes as a symbol to his old master — look how well I’ve done without you, look who I’ve become without you. His hands became fists at his sides, his knuckles white and half moons appearing on the soft skin of his palms as he squeezed tighter and tighter. The only way to stop them from trembling — with both fear and rage. 

“I'm here for you, love.” You whispered gently, your warm fingers ghosting the sides of his wrists as you stepped in beside him. His fists unclenched slightly as he breathed in your familiar scent, as he savored the soft caress of your skin on his. He pushed down the building sob climbing up through his chest, the urgency of the cry growing as he felt your presence surround him. "Just... remember who you are, Astarion." 

Who was he? It felt even blurrier in this sadistic crypt under the castle he used to call home. Though it never was one. A prison, that's what it was. 

And what version of him did you see? Could he really be what you thought you saw? What you thought he could be?

Astarion had left Baldur's Gate against his will — a tormented, violent, broken thing. A puppet. A slave. He thought he had returned to this city anew — a free male, softer around the edges but no longer a thing to be used. His own person.

Yet the second he felt the influence of Cazador's control, the moment he felt that familiar threat he felt as if he was falling backwards. Being backed into a corner, corralled into the cage and slapped into chains that he had rotted away in for two hundred years. 

He would not go back. 

A shudder went through him as he tried to compose himself once more, taking a deep breath that he knew he did not truly need. Looking sideways at you, he gave you a final nod. "I'm ready for this to be over." 

Something flashed in your eyes, but it was gone as fast as it appeared. You nodded, before following him through the grand doors with the rest of your companions trailing behind. 

The descent down those stairs was brutal. Time seemed to drag to such a slow that it was almost like the scene before them was frozen in time. Astarion could recognize the familiar silhouette of his master anywhere. It had haunted him long enough that he had memorized every harsh line and angle. He loosed a breath as he counted six figures bound and hovering by some form of magic — a seventh spot on the top center left open and waiting.

For him. 

"Could it be?!" The voice that plagued his thoughts, his nightmares and memories echoed throughout the large chamber. It sent hundreds of different feelings throughout his body, his flesh getting goosebumps and steps faltering for a moment on the stone stairs.

"Our prodigal son returned to us!" Cazador's voice was jovial, but there was no mistaking why. The final piece to his game had just delivered themselves to him, the sacrificial lamb for slaughter had seemingly come with no ill intent. 

Astarion would make the vampire bastard regret underestimating him.

He could hear you just steps behind him, the pads of your feet, the familiar thrum of your heart increasing as you both stepped closer and closer to Cazador's place on the central dais. He gritted his teeth, his back molars clenching down so hard he swore he heard a crunch in the back of his mouth. He lowered his head, looking up at the monster that had ruined him through his eyebrows. 

"Do not slouch before me, boy! Have you no respect for yourself?" Cazador snapped, waving his hand dismissively at him. "Look at you, crawling back after abandoning your family. You should be begging for our forgiveness."

"I will do no crawling, nor begging." Astarion snarled, baring his teeth slightly. "And forgiveness? Really? You have never forgiven anything. Every mistake, every slip was punished."

The bastard had the audacity to roll his red eyes, "I strove for perfection in all things — even those as imperfect as you. A pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts." 

"No!!" He roared, stepping forward once more as he pointed his finger. "No, fuck you and fuck everything you've ever done to me!" 

Cazador raised a single dark brow before letting out a humorless laugh, "You stupid, little boy."

"You son of a bitch!" Astarion couldn't stop the explosion of anger that coursed through him and he charged forward. His pale hand formed a fist as he launched himself at Cazador but a flare of red magic suddenly froze him in place. His body stopped completely, caught mid-lunge with his fingers still curled in a punch. 

He heard a strangled whimper from behind him. It was you, the sound one he had rarely heard — one of you paralyzed from fear. 

But the master mercifully ignored you, only having eyes for his spawn. He smirked as he surveyed Astarion trapped in the swell of magic, "Tut, tut." He clicked his tongue, "Did you think it would be that easy?" 

Astarion let out a groan of pain as he tried to resist the red binding power that started to form around him. Tears began to prickle in the corners of his eyes as they began to squeeze and cut into his skin, seeping into him slowly like a dreadful poison. 

"Astarion!!" His name ripped out of you at his pained cries, stepping forward onto the dais to intervene. The agony in your voice was more unbearable then what he was currently suffering. 

He was a fool to bring you here, to ask you to help him. He had served them all to Cazador on a silver platter.  

“Oh?" The ancient vampire's voice had a hint of wicked glee in it as he turned on his heel and set his eyes on you, with the rest of your companions lingering just behind you. Like he had just finally bothered to notice your presence. "And who do we have here? Your little pet, Astarion?” 

You froze in place, but stood up slightly taller. He watched as you jutted your chin forward, setting your shoulders back as you refused to cower in front of him. Even if he could scent your fear from here.  Then the old master slinked around you, his chest almost brushing your back as he inspected you head to toe. Your jaw set as he circled behind you where you could not see, but you did your best to keep your face neutral.  “And what’s this?” Cazador asked with a flicker of false humor. 

Astarion hissed as the vampire stepped even closer, bending down to eye his puncture marks that had scarred on your neck. “You finally gained enough courage to feed from a being capable of thought? Congratulations, spawn.” Then he took in a large inhale, “And quite an appetizing pick too, they smell absolutely delicious."

His glowing red eyes snapped back to Astarion as he remained behind you, looming over your shoulder. He was gauging every reaction from both of you, he knew.

Studying. Calculating. Deducing. 

Like any manipulative vampire would.

"But it seems my dear boy, you’ve been double dipping with this one haven’t you?” He made to grab your silver hair and Astarion felt his mind go berserk.  “DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THEM!” He roared, pulling hard enough on the magical red tethers around him that they flared and flickered for a moment. 

An evil grin contorted his master's fingers as he still put his long fingers through your hair and pushed it behind your ear. The action revealed even more of your neck so he pressed his prominent nose against your pulse point, inhaling deeply. “Your scent is all over them.” You shuddered involuntarily, your face wincing and flinching away at his cold touch.

Astarion growled, his fangs barring and snapping at his old master. “Oh, so upset. They are your favorite little pet aren’t they?" A long finger nail dragged down your jaw. Astarion's eyes were glued to yours, your body seemingly immobilized from fear — for both yourself and him. Cazador cocked his head as he watched the pair of you before letting out a scoff. "You fool, you fell for your snack instead. What a pity... for once I was almost proud of you.”

He finally let you go, wiping the fingers that touched you off on his jacket like you were a worm he had picked up from the dirt. He licked his lips as he approached his spawn again, still frozen with his scarlet magic that buzzed and echoed with authority throughout the entire chamber.  “Well, I can give you one last comfort, since I am such a generous master." He whispered into Astarion's ear, both of their eyes locked onto your worried expression. "Once you and all your siblings are nothing but pulp... I’ll treat your special love extra carefully. I’ll be so lonely since the rest of you will all be gone. But this one… they will make for a delectable companion."

Another growl escaped from deep in his chest, but the sound was caught as Cazador wrapped his long fingers around his pale throat. “It’s a pity I have to lose you. So much work, so much time... gone. But my new companion will do a much better job than you, with a pretty face like that no one would resist? I mean, even you didn’t.” He hissed in his ear. 

"ENOUGH!” You barked, stepping forward closer to him with your mouth and brow set in a hardline. "Release him, Cazador, at once."

The bastard only smirked and snapped around to meet you, "Ha. Or what?"

"This all ends here. You end here." You did not stutter or stumble. Your voice was strong and carried across the chamber. Your companions stepped up behind you, hands moving at their sides as they readied their weapons and spells at your word. 

"Is that so? You are willing to risk death for him? A wasted, mistake of a spawn? A stupid, little boy?"

Your nostrils flared, your eyes shining with familiar power that was now coming off of you in waves, "I would do anything for him."

"Stupid mortal." Cazador barked, his lips curling in disgust. "I forgot how foolish you can be when you fall in "love". But not to worry... I'll train that right out of you." He twirled back around dramatically, looking at Astarion as he held onto his staff tighter. The red magic swirled and brightened around Astarion, squeezing him so tightly he felt as if may be crushed from the inside out. "You truly forgot my power, Astarion. You truly thought our bond as creator and creation was all that stopped you from killing me. You are weak, my child. You are a small, pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything. But today, you will finally do something worthwhile. You will burn, and I will ascend."

The vampire master flicked his wrist, and Astarion was soaring across the room — completing the final spot in the ritual circle. The entire chamber room suddenly lit up with the red light, a enormous sigils swirling underneath Astarion and the rest of his siblings as they hovered in mid air. Their tops suddenly shredded from the force of the spell as their naked, scared torsos were revealed — the scars littered across them glowing the same scarlet as the patterns beneath them.  

"ASTARION!" His name was a roar from your lips again as you surged forward, hands outstretched for him across the ritual floor.  

"Witness the birth of the Vampire Ascendant! Ecce dominus!" Cazador's staff slammed down onto the marked stone floor. 

And pain like nothing Astarion had ever felt went through every part of him. 

Read the next chapter: here

[persephone11110]

rain is a good thing

Jake‘Hangman’Seresin x Reader

Chapter 6: “Memento Mori”

Chapter Summary: “I wish we had more time together”, you whisper to Gina after finding out Jake luck had ran out.

Warnings: jake wakes up but he dies—pallative coma, major character death , astraphobia, thunderstorms, exes-> almost lovers, hurt/comfort, past pregnancy, blood, traumatic birth- jake came out not breathing , past child abuse, spousal abuse, brief mention of alcoholism, past cardiac arrest- chpt5, jake can’t speak but he can move alittle— does it make sense? no but the plot needs it

A/n: LAST CHAPTER!!, special thanks to everyone who been alonside this journey and thank you to everyone who likes, reblogs and comments, the title is latin for: remember you must die.

Previous

Series Masterlist

WC: 2K

—

You never got the chance to hear him say it back.

Its quiet and dark in here, the only sound to hear is coming from the ventilator, a machine that’s keeping the man you love alive, and his sheer will. The light is dim in here, you and Gina agreed -Jake didn’t needed to be subjected to such a bright light in his last hours.

Gina was out in the hallway on the phone with someone you couldn’t tell who it was, only making out few of the muffled words-“You don’t even deserve a chance too see him, but i’m giving you one”. You were sitting at his bedside, you gently grabs his hand into yours- feeling the light tremble.

You started humming a song you and Jake used to sing together. Stroking your hand over his face, wiping away a escaping tear,“Its going to be okay Jake”. How are you supposed to reassure a dying man— who’s in unimaginable pain?

Jake trys to speak again like he did earlier but his throat hurt so much. He even struggles to open his mouth- a raspy rough cough escapes his mouth, and your lean over gently shush him and quickly lifting the oxygen mask back over his mouth. “M’sorry I know it hurts but you need that okay”.

What could’ve you done to deserve this?, what did you do to be on the receiving end of something like this?

As a nurse you’ve spent countless hours sitting at the bedsides of dying patients, reassuring them- giving them pain meds— calling family members. Its a routine for you at this point. Yet sitting the beside of Jake Seresin is different— you can’t fathom the idea of the losing the man you loved.

Your thoughts are interrupted by Gina and a nurse. Since both Doctor Hayden and Doctor Young told both of you that Jake wasn’t going to make it, there been a nurse administrating morphine every couple hours to reduce his pain to little to nothing and give him comfort. “Hi buddy”, Gina says, raking her hand through Jakes hair. “Nurse Raye here again”.

“Hi Jake” Nurse Raye says as she walks towards him pole, pulling on a pair of gloves, she gently picks up the Jakes arm grabbing the arm with IV in it. “You ready Jake?”, Jake nodded as best as he can, “Here you go sweetheart get some sleep”. She pushed the needle into his vein, grabbing a cloth wiping away the blood. “Your good sweetheart”. She disposes the morphine bottle in the trashcan along with her gloves.

Leaving three you alone in silence. You get up from your chair pulling Gina into a tight side hug after noticing her tight smile and tears glimmering at her eyes. “Its okay Gina”. You attempt to give her a confident smile despite your face being covered tears trying to be strong for her. The woman next to you is losing her son. Everything you say whether its the best words known to man or not will never get rid of the pain of a parent having to bury their child. Knowing she’ll be visiting his grave instead of the other way around— watching her son waste away slowly, knowing he won’t be awake the next morning.

“Its not okay Y/n!” Gina snaps pulling herself out of the hug, “I’m losing my baby…” her hands on each side of her waist, “Oh I’m losing him”, Gina voice began to break, the anger fading away. She wept loudly, your hesitant to touch her, not wanting to invade her space. But she pulls you into hug herself, her face smushing into your shoulder.

“I know Gina, I’m sorry I can’t do anything”. You two are rocking back and forth,“I’m so sorry”. You sound like broken record, because what can you say?

What did you say to the woman who’s losing her son?

A couple of minutes goes by before either one of you say anything. “Y’know sweetheart Jake would have our heads if we sat here cried till we couldn’t anymore”. Gina pulled her head from your neck, wiping away her falling tears. “Why don’t you get some rest sweetheart, you came straight for work”. Giving you a small smile, “Go on dear”.

You sink into the chair behind, grabbing the blanket Gina hands you. You feel her press a kiss into your forehead as your eyes close.

“Buddy-” Gina voice gets caught in her throat she takes a deep breath, running her hand through Jakes hair. She has to be brave for not only herself but for him.

Clenched jaw throbbing with pain, she attempts swallow the balls of tears forming in the middle of her throat. “Jake if its your time to go, I hope you know me and Y/n we’ll be just fine”. She says with a strangled voice, “Go see Grandma Lou”. Gina trys her damn hardest to not betray how sad she is, wanting to Jake not feel bad for letting go.

She hasn’t been this scared since Jake’s birth.

But she remembers every detail, how many nurses were encouraging her to push, it takes a little longer for her baby to cry, a little longer for the doctor to place him down onto her chest. She doesn’t get the chance to feel him squrim all over her chest, hear his loud cry. But she does hear them roll her baby away, no one saying anything to her, no ones comforting her. She just lays there alone in a dark room, waiting and watching for a doctor, a nurse-someone to give her back her son.

Something told her Jake’s birth wouldn’t be easy.

She remembers someone walking into her room with a baby bundled in a little blue blanket, his face a little red, a tiny scratch across his cheek— probaby from the forceps. Shes pretty sure she and Jake aren’t even supposed to be in the same room right now, she sure the doctor took pity on her, probably getting tired of her loud wails— begging anybody to bring back her baby, dead or alive.

She remembers rubbing her finger over his face, as he wailed at sudden movement, she remembers how red he looked, how tiny and delicate he looked. How scared she was to hold the baby she carried for nine months straight.

How in the hell was she supposed to raise a baby in the environment she lives in now?

The bastard won’t help her, even if she was on her last breathe. He’s to busy drinking his damn liver away to give a damn, thats why she decided to give Jake her last name, the only thing he can’t have.

Jacob Lee Seresin, rolls of the tongue to easily.

She wished she could’ve turn the clock back and left the day she brought Jake home. She wished it didn’t take Mama Lou threatening to take her son away for good, she wished it didn’t take for Jake to be sixteen for her to decide to leave. She can’t kiss or hug the pain away. She can only just sit there and wait.

Gina sighs again,this is the second time she tried getting John to come here. She’s standing outside her son hospital room in hallway arguing with a man who hasn’t been in their lives for nearly twenty years. Yet here she was giving him a chance to say goodbye to his son, extending him the invitation hoping he accept it.

Your slumber was cut short as a familar rumbling sound echoed through the room. Sitting up from the chair- pulling the blanket off of you, you eyed a the man sleeping infront of you watching his chest slowly rise. Walking towards the window next to his bed you began to stare at the angry clouds, not paying attention to Jake attempts to get your attention. You didn’t even realize he was awake in the first place.

Biting at your lips, your stomach in knots.

Your so busy worrying about outside that you don’t hear Ginas voice. “Hon you okay?”. She’s standing in the doorway with a worried look on her face, attempting to assure her that there no reason to be worried, feeling guilty for worrying her in the first place. You give her a small smile in return, hoping she drops it. Gina nods her head at your response, deep down she knows what wrong but right now she knows this isn’t the time to push and prod at you.

Pushing your fear of storms aside, you focus on Jake noticing the machine next to him. Realizing his numbers aren’t climbing back up like usual. You tell Gina to be prepared to say her final goodbyes as you recognized the signs— Jake getting ready leave.

Jake vital signs are getting lower.

Gina sitting at his bedside, doctors and nurses have been in and out his room for the last couple of hours- a nurse told you it shouldn’t be long now. She tells the two of you to make Jake last hours of being alive comfortable. You spend over an hour talking to the daggers, trying your best to comfort them as the storm brewing outside is preventing them from leaving the base. Each one of them have a chance to say their goodbyes— reminding him to save a spot for them, for later.

“Sweetheart why don’t you get up there with him?”. Gina asks you, “You both need it”. She gives you a look, her eyes red and veiny, she pushes the railing down on his bed. Shes not taking no for an answer—“Honey go on and lay down with him, just be careful”. Your hesitant to get up there with him, but it would feel good to touch him for the last time.

Giving her a teary smile, you move from your spot at his bedside, crawling onto the bed you lay on his right. Maneuvering yourself around the bed you managed to lay your head on his chest. He tries lift hand his up to your face, Jakes blurry vision stops him from finding your face.

You lift his trembling hand to your face. Gina had been holding his other hand tightly. A nurse was standing near the machine, but you decided to soley focus on Jake instead.

The machine starts a steady beep thats getting longer and longer.

You were curled up aganist his chest, laying your head into the crook of his neck, you’d been humming his favorite song to him, Girl of my dreams. “Just rest sweetheart”, you whispered into his chest. You gently pick his hand up holding it into yours, you can feel light tremble as you hold them.

“Don’t be scared Jake, I bet Grandma Lou waiting on you”. Gina whispers squeezing his hand tighter. You don’t take your eyes off of Jake, watching his eyes close— you listen to his rattling breathing slowly come to an end.

The beeping stops, the signal of his life coming to an end, you can feel his heartbeat slowing down in your ear, the thumping sounds getting less and less.

“Goodnight sweetheart”. You pressed a kiss into the crown of his forehead.

“Its nice to see you again sweetheart”, she smiles at Jake, pointing at her cheek and Jake bends down to give her a kiss. “I’ve been waiting for you ever since our last talk”-she whispers into his ear.

Taglist: @chocolatefartstrawberry, @buckysteveloki-me, @dontletthemtakeyoualive, @classyunknownlover, @els-marvelvsp, @i-am-mrsreckless, @cinderellasmissingshoes

[veronicaphoenix]

Chapter tags & trigger warnings: angst/hurt, intoxication, patient in recovery, panic attacks, mentions of substance abuse. | Word count: 1.5k | Cross posted on AO3.| Series masterpost. ✧.*

General trigger warnings: This work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction and violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised.

The world we live in is one that teaches you to fear death since you’re a child, but as we grow up, some of us realize that we’re not really scared of dying; we’re scared of losing the ones we love the most.

Twenty-four hours after I held Lia in my arms, I called grandma. It was 5pm in Japan. 

“Grandma, it’s Lia. She’s… she’s in the hospital. I don’t know what to do.”

I didn’t know what else to say, either, and there was nothing she could say to change the situation. 

Lia lay in an uncomfortable bed, and IV line connected to her right arm. Her black tights and the oversized shirt she had been using as a dress were gone, replaced by a whitish gown. Underneath, ECG leads were attached to her chest to keep track of her heart. Her feet were naked under the cold sheets. The hardest part to look at was her face. She was pale, her lips chapped, her hair greasy, and there was an NC connected to her nose to provide her with oxygen. 

Her eyes were closed. I couldn’t see her light. 

I couldn’t bear to see her like that. 

I was sitting in the single uncomfortable armchair that was in the room, looking at her with my chin rested on my intertwined hands. My elbows pressed on my knees. My body was bent forward, toward her. There was nothing I could do but stare at her benumbed body.  

I had touched her hand before, but the cold startled me, and I had to leave the room for a while before I succumbed to another wave of panic.  

The first panic attack came when we arrived at the hospital, right after the paramedics carried Lia’s numb body in a stretcher towards the ER. The air was thick with urgency as they talked to a group of people covered in white clothes: nurses and doctors. One of them turned her gaze toward me, and a few seconds after, the woman was standing in front of me. She asked me who I was to Lia. I didn’t know what to say. Her best friend, her only family, her lover? Luckily for me, Jolly was standing by my side, and he gave an honest and valid reply, sparing me from the struggle. With a nod of acknowledgment, the doctor asked for an insight into Lia’s history, her problems. They wanted to know what had happened, why it had happened…

Then I started panicking. I didn’t know where to look, where to go. 

Jolly must have managed the situation. The doctor nodded, jotting down a few things on a sheet of paper, and went back to where Lia had been taken; a secluded corner where she was out of my sight the moment they moved a curtain to separate her body from the rest of the patients and people in the emergency room.  

There were too many people. Too many accidents. Too much pain and death. 

I shouldn’t be there. Merely four hours ago I was standing on a stage, controlling a crowd of over six thousand people. Now, I couldn’t get a hold of myself. 

My breaths grew ragged, the noise around me transforming into an unbearable symphony. Tightness gripped my chest. I was suffocating. I pressed a trembling hand against my chest as I moved somewhere in search of support. I heard a few voices behind me, some calling my name. Then there were a few nurses approaching us, one of them said something about not being allowed in those premises, that we had to wait outside. I couldn’t wait, didn’t they understand? I needed to know that Lia was going to be okay. They wouldn’t shut up. Someone called out my name, louder than before, the voice breaking through. Following that, I felt a hand gripping my shoulder. 

Nicholas.

I looked up to find him, and I collapsed in his arms as I let out a cry and the tears started flowing. 

He held the weight of my body as I emptied myself of everything I’d been carrying for the last few months: the guilt for not realizing sooner that Lia was being abused by the one who was supposed to adore her, the guilt for not gathering the courage to tell her what I felt, the anger for every time Lia refused to talk to me, the anger at every time she decided the pills were better than my shoulder, then, every other mistake until this very right moment, when I didn’t know if I would ever get the chance to hold her in my arms and see her smiling up at me, her eyes shining with anticipation as I bent down to kiss her. 

A nurse approached us and suggested that I lay down in one of the beds. The promise of care and a calming remedy seemed tempting, but all that I could mutter was a harsh “fuck off”. I didn’t want to hear about any fucking pill that would calm me down. Nicholas raised a hand and gestured towards the nurse to give me some space. 

It took me a grueling thirty minutes to calm down, and even after that, I still couldn’t stand straight without my legs shaking and my chest hurting. My eyes would burn until Lia opened hers. 

I didn’t sleep that night, and neither did I the next one. 

I remained awake, by Lia’s side. At times I drifted between reality and dreams. There were moments when I drifted into a hazy realm, only to be abruptly pulled back into the real world. In those instances, I would jolt awake gripped by the haunting illusion that Lia had woken up, that she was awake and was calling my name, asking for my hand to pull her out of the water. 

She was still unconscious. 

As the hours ticked away, the room started getting filled with flowers and bouquets that our friends brought as they came to see her, check on her. Jolly stayed with me for hours and insisted that I go to the hotel and take a shower, get changed into clean clothes and eat something while he looked after her, but I denied over and over again, relenting only when he managed to coax me into sipping on a cheap disgusting coffee fetched from the hospital’s cafeteria. 

I saw him crying for the first time in my life when he entered the room shortly after they had settled Lia into the bed. 

Folio didn’t even dare to come in. He was terrified, and I learnt days later that he had endured a series of nightmares the night following the incident. 

As I looked around and took in the colors filling the room, I wondered if the number of flowers was intended for Lia or perhaps meant as a collective gesture to instill hope in me, a silent illusion that would make me believe that Lia would recover.  

I had lost track of time. 

I had seen the sun rise twice since I settled in that sterile room, which meant I had been there for two days and that Lia had been asleep for forty-eight hours, at least. I had only eaten two bites of a cheese sandwich that someone brought. I couldn’t recall if it was Matt or Bryan. Maybe, Jolly. Who cared. 

I saw them all coming in and out of the room constantly the first day. The second one, it was just me and the closest to me and Lia. The rest of the team flew back home because life didn’t stop, even if it had for her. Even if it had for me. 

My mind was filled with a void, but every once in a while a question would pop up, or an image. They were so random, varying from one happy scenario to a very tragic one. I saw Lia as a kid, when grandma used to do her hair and braid it at her back, then I saw her falling of my bike, but she looked older. I saw myself drowning in the same lake where we had swum all those summers ago. I saw Lia kissing a boy who wasn’t me in the lake’s deck. Then I saw her wearing the same dress she had worn the day she graduated from high school. The image transitioned to one in which she was wearing a white dress. I was waiting for her at the end of the desire path, ready to marry her. In the next one, I saw her playing with a huge dog somewhere in the mountains, her body covered by layers of clothing and a thick scarf. She smiled at someone, and I realized it was at me. She called me to go to her, and I did, but as I reached to grab her hand, she faded away. 

I opened my eyes in a halt, again. I sat upright in the armchair and grabbed the front of the hoodie I was wearing. I was breathing hard, and I could feel a drop of sweat sliding down my back. 

It was a dream. 

Then, I heard what I had been waiting for two eternal days, and there was no telling it wasn’t real. 

“Noah?”

Lia’s voice calling my name. 

Author's note: This is the end of Koi No Yokan. From this chapter we move onto Zutto (or a Promise of Forever) where I promise there will be less angst and more fluff and love between Lia and Noah 🥹

Thank you to every one that's been reading and commenting on this story :') It means a lot.

READ ZUTTO CHAPTER ONE HERE

[azrielsshadows42]

A Court of Scales and Fire IV

Eris Vanserra x Female oc

A/n: about half way through, I realised that I was describing the town house, not the house of wind, I don't know if this is just me, but I struggle to keep track of what is in which house, so if I mention something being in the house of wind that is supposed to be in the townhouse/lake house or vice versa, I'm sorry, but, just go with it.

Warnings: swearing, nudity (but not sex and not in detail), mentions of injury, suggestive, snake venom? is that a trigger, idk

Word Count: 4.3k

Both = Mind speak

Bold = Ancient Language

Italics = Thoughts

Chapter 3 Character Moodboards

---Y/n's Pov---

We walked down the passageway, passing a few rooms, pictures hung on the wall. I appreciated the silence; it gave me space to think. My explanation of what that power surge could've been was believable, but to track these people down, I would need Everest. However, I'm not exactly sure how they will react to dragons not being entirely extinct, and I'm guessing if they're not a fan of that little tid bit, they'll like the fact that I've brought one to Prythian even less.

It didn't take long before we stopped in front of a doorway, even from the smallest glimpse I could see the room was massive, it was open to the outside, the bed could comfortably fit three people and if I had to guess, I'd say the sheets were made of silk. A giant pool of a bathtub carved into the ground, just like this entire place was carved from the mountain. The water was crystal clear, revealing a mural of the night sky on the tiled flooring, moonlight reflected on the surface, steam rising, yet the mirrors retained the rooms unobscured image.

I was so absorbed in the beauty of it all, I almost flinched when Mor spoke, not expecting the sound. "For the record, I believe you" I didn't really know what to say to that, thanking her would have just been awkward, so I chose to give her a small appreciative nod instead. Before I entered the room, she grabbed my arm firmly "Though I must warn you, if you are lying, if you turn out to be a threat to my family, to my court, then know you are fighting an uphill battle, and it won't end well for you" Well I don't love being threatened, I could respect it, I would and have done worse to protect my family, I'm not about to hold this against her.

"As someone who works in politics, I think you can understand that might not be able to be fully truthful at all times, but I can promise you that I mean no harm, once my mission is complete, I'll return home, that's all I want" She regarded me for a few moments, eyes traveling up and down my armoured form. "Then we'll get along just fine" A genuine smile spread across her face, and I mirrored it, she seemed like someone I would want on my side, and her display of loyalty earlier just added to the list of reasons I liked her.

She turned to leave, her dress flaring out at the bottom with her movement, her hips swaying as she strutted away, but she stopped and angled her body to face me once again. "Oh, one more thing" I inclined my head to show I was listening. "Training is at six, on the roof if you're interested"

"Noted, hey, uh, goodnight, Mor, and, thanks for, you know... giving me a chance and not just, assuming I'm trying to plan some, invasion, or some shit, I don't know" Mor laughed, head tilting back slightly "Sure, no problem, good night"

"Night" I was then left to my own devices, my first instinct was to make sure there were no traps, but the exhaustion of everything finally hit. My muscles ached, eyelids heavy, I could feel the dirt and sweat that lingered on my skin, so the first thing I did was peel off my armour and clothes, then slipped into the water. I immediately felt soothed once submerged, heat seeping into my very bones, I had not been able to relax like this in a long time. Unfortunately, even with all the bath salts and scented candles in the world, there was always this nagging feeling that, it wasn't home, though I'm not sure that meant anything when home, didn't feel like home. It never had.

I reached out with my mind, feeling for that connection to Everest. Hey, Ev, you out there? There was a moment of quiet before I heard small wing beats getting nearer, the next second, Everest soared into view, looping in the air and diving straight into the water. She rose to the surface and paddled toward me, water sloshing around her tail and claws. She had shrunk herself down to about the size of a large barn owl for stealth and looked very pleased with herself, especially when she spread out her wing and just drifted on the surface. Enjoying yourself?

She lifted her leafy head to glare at me, her green orbs narrowing as she hissed her response. Hush, you are not the one who has been flying for hours on end, because your partner left to go play courtier. I winced at the reminder of how I'd had to leave Everest when coming here. I still think this is a bad idea, Y/n, we should just track them down and go, there is no need to drag this out. I reached for the soap and began scrubbing away at my skin. We'll be fine Everest, even if they can't help. Tell you what, if by the end of tomorrow, they haven't helped us get any closer than we are now, we'll leave, but there's no harm in staying the night.

Everest thinks about this, her tail lashing, showing her displeasure in the fact that you have a point. Alright, fine She concedes We'll stay the night. she launches herself upwards, spinning vigorously to shake of all the water, droplets flying everywhere. This is a bath, not a shower I told her scornfully. Well, I've made it a two in one, much more effective. My eyes rolled at her comment, but I got out of the water and prepared for bed while she curled up on one of the pillows.

There was sleep ware in the closet, most of it black, which I suppose I should have expected, not that I had a problem with it, just an observation. Once I got into bed, I scanned the room again, after the initial awe, the effect dulls, at first it looked empty, spacious, but sitting inside of it now, it felt hollow, too much space for one person. It makes me think of my room back home, much smaller, one might even say cramped, but I would prefer cramped over hollow any day. I wonder how Ethari is doing, how preparing his peregryn girlfriend to meet me was going. Well, I wasn't sure if the new peregryn student was his girlfriend, it might be someone else It was definitely the peregryn female but I figured he'd be horrified if I not only knew he was dating someone, but who was the object of his affections as well, so I faked ignorance, for his sake. I closed my eyes and fell into a world of dreams.

---Elsewhere, Eris's Pov---

Everything hurt. My arms shook as I pushed myself up, the stale air clouding my lungs. My head was pounding, vision slightly blurred, I groaned as I forced myself to function, muscles screaming in protest. My neck was incredibly stiff, my back too, and my left leg wasn't fully awake yet, causing me to limp as I walked. I was still under the mountain, surrounded by darkness. I did not know how much time had passed since we cornered the witch. My hand reached up to the juncture between my neck and shoulder, gingerly caressing the sensitive skin. The bites of those snakes had healed, which meant they had no faebane in their venom, though what on earth was in it to make me feel this way, I had no clue.

I just about managed to clear my head enough to winnow back home, I didn't make the full trip in one go, and I'm thankful for it to, because as soon as I landed, both legs buckled under my weight, and I collapsed onto my hands and knees. This is ridicules, I'm a High Lord, no one should be able to do this to me, much less some witch. I gritted my teeth and concentrated on winnowing directly to my chambers.

I was thrown onto my bedroom floor, panting, energy, both physical and magical, depleted. My head still felt like it was filled with fuzz, and I could barely keep my eyes open. A healer, I need a healer. I dragged myself up, breath shaky, I tried my very best to collect myself. Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in... Breathe out. I opened my eyes, a new determination ignited within me, no one would see anything I didn't want them to, nobody would see that I am weak. No one.

I opened the doors, head held high, expression cold as I walked confidently to the healing bay, no stumble in my step to be found. No weakness. It is just my luck that Madoc spots me, and decides for whatever reason, that it's a good idea to strike up a conversation. "My Lord, you have returned" He hadn't done anything wrong, but his voice still grated on my nerves, I was not in the mood to talk to anybody, about anything. "Clearly" My answer was clipped, a subtle sign that I wished to be left alone. He did not take the hint.

"What happened, did you find the cause?" My jaw tensed; I was still sour about how that female managed to best me. I decided it was the brute's fault, if he hadn't been in the way, I would have succeeded. "It is Night's problem now" He considered this for a moment, and I thought he might do the smart thing and leave, apparently, I was wrong. "That does not answer my question"

"Do not test my patience Madoc! The female is Night's problem, leave it at that" I increased my pace to get away from further questioning. I went into the healing bay, got what I needed and went back to the room as quickly as possible without losing poise. I stood before the doors of the high lord's chambers, where I was supposed to move into when I ascended the throne, but hadn't been able to make myself do so. The arch loomed over me, just as it had for centuries, even if he was dead, in my head, it was still my father's room. The memories of him still haunted both my resting and waking hours, this place was drowning in his lingering presence, even now, I could not escape him.

I sighed, and turned back, heading for my old room, where I continued to reside, it was the one thing I'd let be seen, the one sign that all this affected me as well as my people, no one had said anything about it, out of fear or understanding, I did not know, but I was grateful all the same. The doors swung open on silent hinges, and my footsteps echoed around me, being the first-born son had its perks, I supposed, I did receive the largest room.

But it was almost, too large. My father's chamber-... my chambers were bigger than this, how someone could comfortably live in such a space was lost on me. Despite it being filled with my belongings, despite the fact that these four walls had been my sanctuary for decades, held secrets, and memories that has changed this court, it still didn't feel like home. I had always thought it was because of Beron, that I would never truly feel safe, and therefore never truly feel at home as long as he lived but... he's gone. Yet everything was still so dull, a house, but not a home, I'm starting to think it never will be.

I washed of the dirt and grime I'd collected from being underground, changing into nothing but a pair of boxers, anything more was too hot. My eyes closed, and I fell into a fitful sleep, as my dreams of an indiscernible winged female returned for the third night in a row.

---The Next Morning--- ---Cassian's Pov---

I was awoken by light streaming in through the curtains, Nesta was beside me, sleeping peacefully, face relaxed. Cauldrons she's so beautiful, I just want to wrap her up in my wings all morning with my cock buried in-

No, no no no no, not getting hard before training

I force myself out of bed, trying to be as quiet and unobstructive as possible, though neither of those have ever really been my strong suit, and with Nesta being such a light sleeper, waking her up was inevitable. She glared at me over her shoulder with those steely blue eyes that I loved. I smiled apologetically at her while shrugging, she just huffed, muttering 'Illyrian brute' and went back to sleep.

"You have to wake up for training soon too, Nes" She grumbled, pulled the covers over her messy hair, ignoring me. Two could play at this game. I couldn't help the shit eating grin that climbed onto my face, as I grabbed the covers gently, then in one swift movement, yanked the entire duvet right off the bed. Nesta yelped, wide awake now, and gave me the middle finger. I walked closer, crawling onto the bed and then took her wrist in my hand. I kissed her finger, saying "Love you too" then got off, so I could change into my leathers.

I walked into the dining room, pausing as I saw Mor already there, Azriel was sitting at the table as well, but that was normal. Mor being here, especially this early, was unheard of. "What are you doing here?"

"Good morning to you to, Cassian, yeah, I'm doing good, thanks so much for asking" The fake enthusiasm in her voice was thick, and I chuckled a bit at her dramatics. "I'm so sorry, how very rude of me" my sarcasm matching hers.

"Much better, now to answer your question, I'm here to check on Y/n, I invited her to join training" Despite the cool demeaner she held, I could see the slight anxiousness in her body language, it seems that Mor is just as interested in Y/n as I am.

"I haven't seen her this morning; she could still be sleeping" Mor was already shaking her head before I finished my sentence. "She's not, I checked her room" Maybe I was mistaken in reading Mor as anxious, maybe she was worried, worried because we didn't know Y/n very well, even though we both felt like we could trust her, she could still be lying.

"I'm sure everything's fine" it was at that moment that Nesta decided to enter the room, she strutted past me and sat down, breakfast appearing in front of her. I knew she wasn't trying to distract me but damn, her ass looked good in those leathers. I sat down beside her, eating the large breakfast the house provided. Once we had all finished, we started making our way to the training grounds, we were early, so I didn't expect anyone to be there, but as we got closer, I could hear movement.

We all stopped looking to one another, then simultaneously looked to Az for answers. Some shadows dispatched from his shoulders, slithering across the floor towards the noise. "Looks like our guest has beat us there" and he walks forward, past us without saying anything else.

We all followed after, seeing that Y/n had indeed beat us there, and from the looks of it, she'd been here for a while. She was breathing slightly more heavy than normal, not quiet panting, but you could tell that she'd been exerting herself, her hair, now neatly braided back, though not in the up do it had been in when he'd first met her, had a few fly-aways. Y/n's armour, though clearly dulled from years of use, still had a certain shine to it, while her twin blades gleamed in the sunlight, sharpened to perfection.

She was busy fighting an imaginary assailant, she was light on her feet, her blades cut through the air silently, and though she wasn't actually fighting anyone, he could tell that her strikes were aimed at places to injure and immobilise, but not kill. It was obvious that Y/n was highly skilled, though he had known that ever since she was able to hold off against him Under the mountain.

It was only after she had performed a particularly tricky move, an aerial round-house kick, which required her to rotate her body enough to put us in her peripheral vision, that she finally noticed we were spectating. She turned to face us fully and smiled. "Good morning, hope you don't mind I started without you, I woke up early and couldn't fall asleep again"

"No worries" Mor said casually "Just so you know, the others will be arriving soonish" Y/n looked at her puzzled "Others?"

It was Nesta who answered her, explaining how this was where other females, known as the Valkyries, trained. Y/n just nodded in understanding, "So, is there anything specific you guys do, or do you just do your own thing together?"

"Usually, Az and I lead the training, but well we're waiting for them, I'd like to see more of what you can do." I walked over to her, hoping it didn't seem like I was doing this to see if I could take her down if she did turn on us. I was just genuinely curious, and I really wanted to know if there was a practical aspect to how the blades were designed, or if it was just meant to be pretty, because with the way the metal overlapped, I was certain there had to be a moving part somewhere.

"Sure, why not? Lead the way" All of a sudden, Rhys appeared above the wards and glided down to the ring we had just entered, sand blowing up with the wind created from his wing beats. "I hope you don't mind if I watch?" He said it with his gaze on me, but I didn't miss how they quickly flickered to Y/n. He doesn't trust her. Which was understandable, given the circumstances, but it bothered me that he felt he had to come in person, as if we can't handle ourselves.

I didn't comment on it though, just turned to Y/n, silently asking her with my eyes if she was fine with it. She made a motion to signal she didn't mind, so we both unsheathed our weapons, got into fighting stances, and let the battle commence.

---After Sparring--- (I'm too lazy to actually write it, sorry)

Both of us were panting heavily, perspiration covered our faces and saturated our clothes as we sat down and drank some water. We were pretty evenly matched, she didn't have as much fighting skill as me, but she was faster, lighter on her feet, and with her smaller frame, it was easier to manoeuvre in tight spaces, which led to a long sparring session that we had to call a tie because people were arriving, and I needed to teach.

I got up to start with the lessons but couldn't help asking if Y/n was going to join. She looked to be considering it for a second or two but then responded with "I think I'm alright, I've already been training for about 3 hours, so I'm done for now, I'll just watch"

"3 hours already? You weren't kidding when you said you got up early" her lips tugged up into a smile, but it looked more like a grimace than anything else. "Yeah, I struggle to sleep in new places, which, considering what I do for a living, really sucks, but it is what it is, I guess" I gave her a half-smile, in reassurance, understanding, or both, I wasn't sure, any worked.

----

Sometime during one of the water breaks, she Y/n was introduced to Gwyn and Emerie, Nesta seemed to keep her distance, but she wasn't outright hostile, and when it comes to Nesta, that's all you can really ask for. Y/n rejoined the training rings a little further into the lesson, and she participated in the mind stilling, though I could tell she was not really getting it, but she'll have time to get the hang of it.

Rhysand had left a little after training started leaving Y/n to just sit and watch peacefully as she'd said she would. Mor to, had left, but she had gone during the sparring session they shared that morning for some emissary work, though not without a quick 'Kick his ass for me' left her lips.

He sat next to her on one of the benches while the Valkyries-in-training filtered out, talking animatedly amongst each other. She seemed to be in deep thought, staring aimlessly North, toward Mount Ramiel. "And what are you thinking so deeply about?" She flinched slightly, clearly not expecting my voice. "Nothing, I... nothing"

This piqued my curiosity more than anything. "No, tell me, what's going on inside your head right now" She sighed heavily, and swallowed. "You're Illyrian" she started.

"Yeah? What about it?" Her hands ran along the length of her thighs as she breathed in, steeling herself. I wasn't sure what she could possibly want to ask that would make her act like this. "It's just that, to become a tracker, obviously there is physical training you need to do, both before and during, but that's only half of it. We also have to know the geographic configurations of all the continents, as well as what type of fae live there, a bit about their customs, what they find valuable in case you ever need to blend in or barter for information."

I waited patiently to see where she was going with this, nodding along to what she was explaining. "Studying the Night Court was particularly difficult because not a lot of information is known by outsiders and our tomes aren't exactly up to date, but even with those factors, we'd still learned of Illyrians; warrior people with giant bat-like wings who live in snowy mountains."

"Yeah, that's about right" Y/n opened and closed her mouth a couple times, as if wondering if she should continue with this train of thought. "Well, that's just it, that is all we know of Illyrians for sure, and it's always bothered me. If it's not over-stepping, I'd like you to tell me more about Illyrians"

My face lit up, despite everything that had been done to me because of them, their aversion to change and their firm set ways about bloodlines, I still loved the Illyrian people. Az never understood it, and Rhys was impassive, but if Y/n wanted to learn about Illyrians, I was going to teach her in the best possible way I could.

"I can do you one better" The smile on my face was surely unusually big, and I could feel my wings flare out slightly. Y/n's face now held a hint of hesitation, but the curiosity was still there, and she motioned for me to continue.

"I can take you to Illyria" she blinked at me. For a moment she was quiet, I felt my heart sink. Maybe she's not that interested. Her lips tugged up on one side, her multi-coloured eyes shone brighter as she sat up a bit more to see if I was kidding. "Seriously? I thought they didn't let outsiders in."

"They typically don't, but it helps to be the general in these types of situations, I took Nesta there a few times too." A look of surprise crossed her face. "Though I must warn you, females... well, they aren't treated with the respect they deserve up there, so, don't be surprised if they're a little huffy around you" Y/n nodded in understanding. "Did all three of you attend Illyrian training? You, Rhysand and Azriel?"

I smiled, memories of back then presenting themselves, our time in the Illyrian steppes were by no means pleasant, but we had some good adventures. "It's where we met" her brow furrowed, "Even Rhysand, he's only half-illyrian, isn't he?"

"He is, but so is Azriel" Her eyes widened so much it was comical "Really? Could've fooled me." I roared with laughter, my shoulders shaking with the sound "I'll tell him you said that, he'll be highly displeased, he might even brood in your direction" Y/n chuckled "What does that mean?" I'm about to explain when Rhysand's claws scrape down my mental shields Eris is here My mood instantly sours and my jaw tenses.

"What's wrong?" She looks concerned, but also ready to fight, hands hovering over the hilts of her katanas. "Eris is in the House of Wind"

"Who?" I glance at her, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice, it's not her I have a problem with, after all. "Remember back under the mountain, there was another male with me, the one who attacked before we could even attempt communication?"

"You mean fire newt?" I think I short-circuited for a moment out of shock when she called him that. The absurdity of the name pausing my annoyance at his presence while I processed it. "I am so going to call him that"

"Focus. I thought you said he's not your friend"

"He's not" I immediately replied with, saying it so fast I almost interrupted her. "If you're not friends, then why is he here?" I sighed deeply; this shit was not exactly my forte "He is the High Lord of Autumn, we made a deal with him a little while ago, and now we have an alliance" That was explained terribly, but it will have to do.

"What does he want now?" My eyes shot toward where the 'discussion' would surely be taking place, as if I could see through the walls, right to where Eris was standing and glare at him to make sure he didn't try anything stupid.

"No idea"

Chapter 5

Tag List: @imma-too-many-fandoms , @rcarbo1

[brightdarkness-2013]

Chapter 13: Chapter 13!Hooray! And Not Late! Two in a Row!

Summary:Jazz gets one over his archenemy.

Things were not going well to say the least. Prowl was still ignoring me. My archenemy was still an ass. Still refusing food and getting weaker. He even had Prowl trying to encourage him to eat now, but no. Still stubborn and refusing anything that could help him. Ratchet and Aid had decided on pulling them out to independently apply the supplements and boosters to their skin. It was really the only thing they could do at this point. Prowl wasn’t going to be needing any more of it soon and pulling him out of the tank would set the other one off. So when we moved them we would just have to move them together and pull asshole out to be treated. So despite the fact that asshole was still asshole and Prowl was purposefully ignoring me I walked in with some pep in my step. Prowl glanced up briefly at my entrance with mild curiosity before my archenemy practically shot to his side. That however didn’t bother me too much at the moment.

“Ya have no idea what’s coming for ya.” I smirked at the growling mer. “Ya have a special appointment with the doc in about… I’d say ten minutes.”

Oh yeah he had no clue what was coming. I’d get some time with Prowl without interference. Asshole would be knocked out and too loopy to really do anything even when he got back. Things were looking up and this was going to be a regular thing for a while. Maybe I had nothing to do with this, but he didn’t know that and I had no doubt he’d blame me for his misfortune anyway. This was great. Fish zero. Jazz one.

“Ya know I really hope they shove some food down your throat while you’re in there too. Gives me some extra time without you here and maybe you’ll be less… You.”

I got a less than threatening snap. The show of fangs and the look of what I’d place as either hate or disgust was very ineffective. It might be worth more if I wasn’t separated safely by a thick wall of glass. Then there was the fact that he looked half dead already. Prowl was looking between us. Even I could tell he was sick of our little arguments if you could even call them that.

“Ya know you’d be a lot scarier if ya didn’t look like ya were about to keel over from starvation. Ya look like ya got thrown into a blender or something. Ya keep this up and you’re gonna end up with a tube down your throat and strapped to a table with an IV in your arm.”

He hissed at me. Scales puffing out in aggression to make him look larger than he was and pulling at wounds that struggled to heal.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t do that. I may not like ya, but come on some of those were healing. Keep ripping them open and you’re never going to get out of here. Do ya Really want to see me everyday?”

My scolding didn’t really do anything to help. Prowl however took it from there. A soft whistle and the larger one glanced back at him briefly before letting his scales fall back into place with a huff. He glared at me like it was my fault he had been scolded by Prowl. I just grinned at him and he bared his fangs again with another growl and hiss. Prowl glided down to rest on the floor of the bare tank with his pod member following closely. At least Prowl knew how to diffuse his pod mate. However the mildly at ease position didn’t last as the door opened. Prowl didn’t move as the other shot up again. He hovered over Prowl as he growled and struggled to keep track of everyone.

The calming solution mixed in with the water quickly it would only take a few minutes to start taking effect. It didn’t last long, but it would be enough until he was taken to the docs. However despite that we were reminded over and over again that we were to be careful around the aggressive mer. To be aware of all his movements and what not. The same old story every time we dealt with him. Prowl looked like he was going to fall asleep while his pod member practically lay over him now. Prowl didn’t look like he had a care in the world at this point and the asshole was fighting it like usual. It was kind of like he was trying to be mad, but he was failing rather spectacularly. We waited several more minutes before he was pulled out and wheeled down to the med bay.

“Well that’s that. It went smoother than I thought it would.” Arcee adjusted the collar of her wetsuit. “I thought he’d at least snap at us or something when we were securing him.”

“Eh. Don’t go questioning our blind luck. Just hope this keeps up for next time.” Blurr responded. “Seemed too focused on blocking Prowl from us like always.”

“... I think we have a name now at least. Cliff, Mirage, and I were discussing and we settled on a few, but Barricade seems to fit.”

“Barricade? I still think Asshole works fine.” I scoffed, but all I got was an eyeroll in reply.

“Well that’s one less thing to worry about. See you on patrol later, Jazz.” Blurr left us and I turned back to Prowl who was still a little lethargic.

“You’re next, pal, but I doubt you’ll give us trouble. I hope ya can talk some sense in your pod member before he gets himself killed.” I sighed and Arcee decided to respond.

“You and me both. I doubt he can do much more than try and encourage him to eat. The rest of it is on Barricade. It’s not his fault Barricades so stubborn.”

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and Ratch will force something into him while he’s at it.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him. I’m actually surprised that he hasn’t yet.”

Next

First

Masterpost

[1eos]

your manager needs to calm down... in an alternate universe it would be so funny if you dragged in a rocking chair to your desk. like what is she gonna say now. its honestly a testament to your work ethic that she can only complain about your posture LMAO. sounds like she is reallyyyyy digging deep for reasons to get angry.

but onto my real question. mx kendra when you are developing your original story, what process do you go about designing characters + outlining plot, etc? is it in random bits and pieces or do you try to plan it out chronologically? im not very talented at constructing stories but i do have a few OCs and ideas, but i feel overwhelmed by the idea of planning everything out. i know i ultimately need to sit down and write but i would love some advice or insight if you have any! thank you!

her head would fucking explode if i brought in a rocking chair lmaooooooooooooooooooooooo 😭😭😭😭 and she's scraping the bottom of the barrel and she knows it bc some ppl got 1 on 1 meetings abt their vagues and she couldn't even do it to me bc it would sound so silly to tell someone to sit still

but omg planning a whole story is SO overwhelming. i developed all my stuff in bits and pieces so trying to organize everything has been so daunting BUT not too long ago i became determined to get everything down and i found some youtube videos that really got me together. im doing a comic and struggled with taking the oc lore in my head and merging it into the chronological story i want to tell. bc i have sooooooo much background on a character but that background may not come out until way later in the story u know? and then bc my lore is in prose but the final content would be visual right? so i did some digging and stumbled upon this video!

basically her process is writing everything down in a story format. like just write every detail that comes to mind then create ANOTHER document where u take your prose and start breaking it down into a script like format adding in a bunch of visuals u want and THEN you storyboard from the script. it made a lot of stuff click

and then i edited the process to work for me as someone who's super scattered w my lore. so what im doing now is taking where i want my story to start and just writing. and as each character or story detail is introduced i go to a special section of the document called notes and write out a random bit of lore associated with that. and i'll even write out future events i know i want to happen so when i get to them in the actual chronological story prose i can take what ive already written and insert it into the timeline

so for example when as im following one stream of conscious as to how i want the first chapter to open and i get to an oc's introduction i bold the oc's name and then make a section where i then dump all of the character history that bounces around in my head. and then i go back to the chronological story. and another thing that's helped is when im plotting my story when two characters have an interaction or a character has an interaction w something important that explains a bit of their character i write a breakdown on that moment in that point in time.

for the longest ive tried to do everything chronologically and only write something down once it comes up in the timeline but im accepting that it is NOT the best way for me to work 😭😭😭😭but its been soooooo nice to let myself run free. i'll write out a character's whole backstory in my random tidbit document and then sprinkle it in bit by bit in the chronological timeline document

and it really helps stave away the feelings of being overwhelmed/pressure to be perfectly organized as u write on the first go. ik my process is specifically for comics but even if ure writing a novel maybe this can be of some help 💖

[crabs-in-a-trenchcoat]

this is my fic lol. ive mainly been posting it on Ao3 but i figured i might as well post it here too!

heres a link to the fic, there are more chapters on Ao3 but ill post daily for a little bit here along with art for the au

i really want to try to be more active on here

Sacrifice.

Sacrifice had always been a huge part of his life. He and his entire family had always sacrificed their lives in order to protect the ones they loved. It was just…a part of life for the family of turtles.

Their father had done it.

His brothers had done it.

Even he had himself a time or two before this. 

A thunderous wave of energy was pulsating though his body, he could feel the lightning and the power course through his veins. This power…this energy, it was immense. But it didn't hurt him, not like he initially thought it would.

It actually kind of tickled. He felt it in his core, an electric hum that danced with a conviction to save his family. To sacrifice for his family. 

Every second it was a part of him it got stronger and stronger and the amps kept increasing and the salamandrai more violent in his resistance and the ship shook and whirled and lightning spilled out in an excessive burst of desperation. 

“Hurry!” Michelangelo called out to his family. He didn't want to look back at them, he didn't want to watch them leave him. He didn't want them to realize he wasn't coming back, no. This sacrifice was permanent. 

He was sure about that. 

It was taking so much determination and willpower and love and desperation to keep the Newtralizer in the powercore of the ship from the stars. He knew that as long as he was holding the salamandrai here, he would never leave himself. 

Colors and sounds and electricity and screams and robotic whirs and mechanical screeching blended together so seamlessly it hurt to be around. Time was slowing down and the ship trembled violently. 

But as much as he wanted to run away and go home with his brothers, he couldn't. No one else could keep the vengeful salamander at bay while the ship’s power core overloaded. 

He could feel the build up of power vibrate through his bones. The burden immense. Almost too much to bear. 

“You fool!” the Newtralizer screamed in electric cries, “you'll kill us both.”

“I know!” he screamed back, hoping with whatever might he had left that everyone else was gone.

“Were both two of the most powerful beings in the universe,” the salamander screeched, “think of everything we could have, everything we could do! Are you really going to throw that away?”

“Yes! If it means you can't hurt anyone anymore, I'm prepared to die,” Mikey yelled back. He really wasn't. Death was such a funny thing to him. Only a few months before he had fully grasped what death really was. 

Even months after Splinter died he struggled to process that, and when he finally did death once again came knocking. 

This time it was his turn to answer. 

His turn to sacrifice.   

“I'm not going to be destroyed, Rakka.” Newtralizer pushed back even stronger and Michelangelo felt the current running through him increase, the buzz hummed around his body and vibrated deep in his heart that raced to keep up. 

He thought of his family again. That made him even more determined. His love was much stronger than the Newtralizer’s hate.

The ship cracked as it took off in an attempt to reach the stars where it came from. Debri crashed down all around him but he still refused to give in. He couldn't give up. 

“I'm not ready to die!” the overgrown newt screamed and the ship shook even more, excess electricity burst through the wall. 

“Me neither!” he admitted as loud as he could manage over the sound of the ship caving in on itself. 

“Then why are you trying to kill us both!” the salamandrai warrior's power weakened as it attempted to escape. Michelangelo refused to let it go. He forced it to stay still with all his power. 

“No one else can stop you!” Mikey roared, “if this doesn't end right now, then…then you will hurt everyone I love!”

He was sacrificing everything he had in order to protect those he loved. Because if this monster escaped, no one he cared about would be able to stop it. So that was why he gave it his all, that was why he fought back with all the courage and strength and love he could muster.

Seconds. Just a few seconds. That was all he had, he could feel the ship begin to give out, the engines exploded and the energy they gave off was sent in shock waves and reached him long before and fire or death could. 

This was it. The bitter end. 

He let go of the current as the Newtralizer was vaporized in seconds, right before his eyes. 

There was still so much leftover energy left inside him. He had the power of a warship stuck inside him and it begged to be let out. 

Not that it mattered if he did anything with that energy or not. It was over . The ship was mere milliseconds away from becoming smithereens and the Newtralizer was now dead. His family was long gone and he was alone. 

So much power inside one small turtle. The possibilities of all that energy was limitless. If only he had the time to do anything with it. 

All that mattered was that the ones he loved were safe.

After all, that's what it meant to sacrifice. 

And that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. 

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

CHAPTER 14: I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE

wc: 6054

tags: violence, attempted s/a, smut, angst, drugs

a/n: this chapter might be triggering for some people, read at your own risk.

prev chapter

yaera

i havent been to one of these events since i was fifteen. that doesnt sound like a long time, but considering my sister was still alive then, it certainly felt like forever had passed.

the dress i was given is pretty at least. its black, has long sleeves and looks like it was designed for a sexy vampire. one good thing came out of this shitfest.

but the best part is, i can hide san's drugs within my outfit. im not stashing them in matching black purse because it'll get searched, but the tiny ziplock bags fit perfectly in my sleeves and boob area. this will truly be the riskiest thing ive ever done.

irina and the others even messaged me not to forget the stuff. im so focused on just getting that money the fear i had buried inside me hasnt completely resurfaced yet.

im staring at myself in the mirror, looking at my smokey eye make up. the black hair dye really gave me a morbid yet sexy aesthetic that im not bad about. if i could describe myself in two words, it would be exactly that, morbid and sexy.

the sexy part is what bothers me. i know there are people who would agree all too willingly with that. and its not my target audience.

my room door swings open and my mother walks in. theres a strange look on her face as she takes me in. we say nothing to each other for a few moments till she breaks the silence.

"bellisima," she says, almost under her breath. "we can really never go wrong with santo. he made you look like a princess, even if you look like you are going to a funeral."

my insides squirm at the mention of his name. i tried to ignore it, but the fear i felt in that bathroom is coming back full swing. im seeing him tonight. he'll be waiting for me.

"please don't do this again this year," i stiffly begged. "you need to find someone your own age Santo. I'm...I'm not the one."

santo cocks his head to the side and smirks. "and who told you that? who said you're not perfect for me?"

"i don't fucking want you," I hissed. his eyes widen slightly, more out of sick arousal instead of offense.

he advanced on me and i blinked, finding myself pressed against a stall. i whimpered and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but my arms were pinned to the side. oh my God, I'm going to be sick.

"but I want you, and you know that. so why don't you stop playing games," he whispered dangerously close to my ear. i shivered and my nausea kept tugging at my stomach.

"i'm your only chance at a respectable man. your parents already love me. so why don't you accept the love I have for you? you'll never find anyone like me, tesoro."

"i fucking hope so," i whispered, pinching my eyes closed. he moved his face infront of mine, hovering his lips over mine. I whined and wriggle, but he isn't fazed by my struggling.

"you're a big girl now, right?" he said lowly. "i think it's time you feel like a woman."

i snap out of that awful memory when my mother clicks her fingers infront of my face. "come on, hurry up! we are only waiting on you!"

i cant leave san's side tonight. no matter what.

when i get downstairs, my nearly feel the breath getting knocked out of me. he's standing there, looking more handsome than i've ever seen him. black hair slicked back, eyebrows done. the suit is sitting perfectly. its like he's the model here and not me. god i think im going to be sick.

he gives me a small smile but says nothing.

"doesn't she look perfect, amore mio?" my mother says to my father, who only gives an awkward smile of acknowledgement.

"the two of you can sit at the back of the limo. your mother and i will take the two front seats," my father says, then turns to san with a pointed finger. "dont get any ideas, boy. i know your headmaster personally."

san awkwardly laughs. "i would never, sir."

i try not to wonder how true that is. we pile into the limo and my parents keep looking at us through the rearview, making sure there's a significant gap between us. i look over to him and all the anger i felt before is just gone. i think im fucking whipped.

hes the most beautiful man ive ever seen.

"san..."

"you look really pretty," he tells me before i can say anything. saying that with the most expressionless face makes my face drop.

"oh-"

"i just wanted to say that. you really do."

i dont know what to say. the limo is dim so i dont know if he can see how flushed i feel. he leans forward and i think hes about to kiss me. i hope for it. i dont even care if my parents are nearby.

"where are you hiding the stuff?" he whispers. oh right, his drugs.

i show him my sleeves, how the pills are pressed finely between the folds. then i point to my bust. "others are in here," i say.

he chuckles lowly. "creative. you can give me some if you need more space."

if san gets caught with this my parents would end him. everything he worked to achieve would be gone in less than 2 days.

"i think i should keep it. just in case anything happens. you know, rich girl immunity."

san nods and leans back away from me, making me feel empty. "of course."

no words are exchanged between us for a few moments. so we're really going to pretend like the party didnt happen? did that mean it was never going to happen ever again. i dont want to sound desperate but my head is screeching for answers.

but i focus on what matters tonight. putting on a show. getting irina and the others their drugs and collecting payment. and most of all, escaping santo.

"san, can you do me a favour?" i ask.

he hesitates but nods anyway.

"dont leave my side tonight. please."

he rubs the back of his head nervously. "well, i am your date. and i dont know anyone else here."

god. he doesnt realize how bad i need him.thats the thing, i need him more than he needs me. i can never delete what i have on him. i never know when this will go sideways.

the party is at some hotel. when we get there, i can tell the reception is intimidating to san. the cameras, the flashing lights. the security. i grab his hand and he doesnt protest as we go inside. both of us get patted down by security guards, of course the drugs go undetected.

we go inside and the dinner set up is fancy as fuck. i look at san and i cant tell if hes forcing the coolness to not have a panic attack, but his face is blank. i spot irina and the others at a table and wave, my mother dragging us to a separate table with our name on it.

theres a stage with a massive projection screen, where a slideshow of the lingerie collection plays. i know at some point the pictures from the shoot will play out as well. im hoping to sneak off before then because i cant handle the embarrassment.

"so this is your life huh," san mutters next to me. i frown, his tone sounds disappointed.

"whats wrong?" i ask.

"nothing. just...i cant believe it sometimes."

hes been acting so weird. is he insecure? fuck i.dont even know where to start placing questions. my stomach sinks a little at his tone. i guess he'll never get it. he doesnt understand what im really running from. i doubt he ever will. that class disconnect will keep beating our ass.

to him, anything is better than being in a gang. i guess hes right. but that doesnt mean there arent things out there that would make you want to kill yourself. i would know.

santo walks out on the stage and everyone starts clapping like this is the oscars. "good evening everyone, buenos noches, buonasera, and everything else! welcome to the launch of the new Cosa Pericolosa brand. a brand distinct for its dangerous yet delicate beauty, made of the finest Italian lace and silk. i want to thank everyone for coming to celebrate and enjoy this milestone. there will be dancing and there will be a party, saluto!"

as soon as he gets off that stage, i see his face find my parents table. hes coming straight for us. i instantly grab san's hand under the table. he turns to me utterly confused, but i cant deal with that right now.

"mi famiglia!" santo loudly says and kisses my parents on the cheek. he gets to me and does the same, his kiss lingering on me longer than i wanted. i suppress a shiver. "tesoro, you look beautiful in the dress i picked! im so glad to see everyone here!"

"we could not have done it without you, santo!" my mother gushes. "you look so handsome!"

"ah, you are making me shy. it is really you people who are stealing the show, wait till you see how the pictures turned out!" he laughs obnoxiously, turning to smile at me.

"im so glad you are here, tesoro. it is good to finally have you back. your sister would be proud of you."

"thank you, santo." i force a smile. when really i want to scream. dont fucking bring her up, i want to scream it. but i force a stupid, docile smile. fuck if this night goes on for any longer, i might end up doing these drugs myself.

"hold on, who is this," santo finally acknowledges san. he holds out his hand to him. "i am santo falcone. but you can call me santo, you are?"

"that is yaera's date," my mother chimes in as san awkwardly takes his hand. "san choi. he is a classmate."

"oh," santo's smile tightens and he glances at me. "just a classmate?"

my father forces a laugh. "of course. do you know me? she can meet someone when it is time to get married."

santo grips san's hand for an uncomfortable amount of time till he ends up needing to rip it away. "nice to meet you, san choi. excuse me, i will return to you all. i have to greet the other guests and then have them run the music. you all enjoy the night."

he leaves, giving me a weird look before going. is he fucking jealous? does he seriously think he owns me? i dont know how my sister worked with him. hes so fucking creepy and somehow that never came up between us.

irina and the others arrive at our table next, greeting my parents with hugs and kisses. "can we steal yaera for a second? she looks so gorgeous!" claire says, gushing.

"no really, i want to rip that dress off you!" anya says. my mother rolls her eyes and laughs.

"please girls, bring her back in one piece for the show." my mother says. a smirk i know to be devious grows on irina's lips.

"oh we will, dont worry, mrs marino."

im so happy to get up from that table. san grabs my dress and looks up like a lost kid. "where are you going? dont leave me by myself here," he says under his breath.

awww hes so awkward. "ill be right back. dont miss me too much."

his eyes are desperate and his smile is so forced its hilarious. "youre really going to leave me with your parents?"

"dont worry she'll be back!" anya tells him, noticing him holding my dress. "your boyfriend is so clingy, yaera."

i can tell san is trying not to murder her with his glare. not more can be said because im whisked away. we end up in the bathrooms that look like something out of the louvre. anya and claire start taking mirror selfies while irina starts putting the money down on the sink.

"all of it is here, you can count it yourself. now where are the stuff?" she says. i start unrolling my sleeves, taking four of the bags out, getting the other five from my boobs.

anya and claire quickly come scrambling. "oh god, finally!" claire says. "we've been waiting so long."

"is it really that good?" i wonder, their relief is crazy to see. "better than what you already do?"

"alone its okay. but together with what we already do? a fucking trip to the skies," irina shakes her head with a smile. "ive never been so glad to know you, marino."

mixing drugs. that doesnt sound smart. but what do i know? im not the addict.

i smile and take the money, folding it back into my boobs. "youre welcome. and you know if you need more, where to call me."

"of course. and you better answer."

"your boyfriend is so fucking hot yaera," anya says with a sigh. "hes literally gorgeous. where did you find him?"

"careful, you cougar. you cant be talking about an 18 year old like that," i joke.

"im not even twenty three shut the fuck up!" she shoves at my shoulder.

"so he is your boyfriend?" claire smiles. the three of them coo like children when i start blushing.

"im getting there guys," i say. "hopefully soon."

"what do his parents do? he looks like a model himself." claire says.

"you know this is yaera, hes probably crazy as fuck. like the last one, what was his name?" irina chimes in with a snort. "i bet this one is the reason she has drugs in the first place."

i scowl at her. shes right but i hate that she read me so easily. "bitch, just enjoy my services. goddamn it you people are nosy."

she raises an eyebrow. "am i right though?"

i roll my eyes and start to leave, saluting on my way out. "im getting back now to my date now, goodbye ladies."

luckily when i get out, theres music playing and people are on the floor. san is sitting alone by the table, taking random sips out of a champagne glass. im so excited. i actually got money back for us. i throw my hands onto his shoulders and smile widely, unable to hold my excitement.

"so guess who collected their first payment?"

san's eyes widen. "all the money there?"

"every last note. so i think to celebrate we should dance."

san frowns and cringes. "i dont dance. im fine here."

i roll my eyes and grab his hand, pulling him up with a hard tug. "is it a sin for you to do ANYTHING fun? the music is playing and we have something to celebrate, come on."

he sighs and gives in with a lame smile. "fine."

i lead him to the dancefloor, swinging my arms around his neck. san's hands drop to my lowerback as we sway and i cant ignore the happiness bubbling in my brain. i cant stop smiling.

"you seem really happy," he notes. "you're getting a big head from your first payment huh?"

"of course. its just what i needed to prove myself to you. that i can pull my weight and that im not just some liability."

"i never said that-"

"yes you did san. many times." i remind him, and his cheeks flush from.embarrassment. "i can even quote you on it if you want?"

"please dont," he chuckles under his breath. "fine, i guess you can pull your weight."

his dimples are piercing through. i stare at him mesmerized and i cant even hide it. i bet if i was a cartoon in this very moment, i'd be having stars in my eyes.

"you're perfect, you know that?" i say without thinking.

san's eyes widen, then darken in seconds. "what?" his voice is just barely together.

"i want to kiss you again," i admit. "i think its all i'll want for a really long time."

i lightly stroke his cheeks, seeing them go rosey. this is all i have. the only thing that shows me that i do affect him.

his eyes dart down to my lips and i shrink the distance between us, till we're just barely a centimeter apart.

"i dont want you to think about it," i tell him. "just do whatever you want in the moment. thats all that matters."

"yaera..." he gulps, then takes a step back. "i-i dont know about this. lets just...this isnt good. for either of us."

"says who?" i scoff.

"says me. you and i should just stay business partners. strictly business. anything else wont end well for either of us."

hearing that makes my heart shatter and my stomach drop. fuck i can feel my eyes filling with water. i try to choke.it down but i know its obvious.

"so you're just gonna.pretend we never kissed at that party?" i lay down my arms from his neck. "youre just going to pretend that never happened?"

san stops dancing and gives me a curt nod. "i think its best we do. we both know i just represent something to you. something forbidden. thats why you want me right? because im someone you cant have."

i laugh bitterly. "i cant fucking believe you."

i feel a tear drop. san sees it and frowns. "yaera wait-"

i swat his hands away from me. "you are such a fucking dick."

i get off the dancefloor and run somewhere. i dont know where. im just walking, looking for a place to break down and sob. god this is so embarrassing. im so fucking pathetic.

i stop infront of a random room and twist the door handle. its unlocked, thank god. i go inside and fall onto the bed, my chest instantly getting wrecked. i start sobbing horrifically, unable to believe how awful i feel right now.

whats wrong with me. what is legitimately wrong with me. why was he so cold? am i not pretty enough for him or something? this cant just be about the business. i refuse to believe it. and even if it is, why do i feel so worthless?

everytime jongho has rejected me and made me feel like nothing but a stupid slut flashes infront of me. the feeling stabs me like a knife.

that must be it. thats probably what he sees me as. a stupid, desperate evil slut. all i do is throw myself at him. even at that party, i couldnt wait to be all over him. im pathetic. and desperate. i should just die.

my gloves are soaked. i cant believe how much im crying. maybe i should go back to therapy. maybe i wasnt coping as well as i thought i was.

i look up into the mirror stand, seeing my make up absolutely ruined. my entire face is red, and my hair is sticking to my soaked cheeks. i look like shit.

suddenly i remember why i stayed away from men in the first place. because im too fucking sensitive. my mood depends on them. my self worth is a reflection of how much they like me. they control whether i feel emotional highs and emotional lows.

i start laughing at myself. i cant believe i got myself into this kind of fuckery again.

the door opens suddenly, making me jolt. santo comes in and closes the door behind him, smiling tightly. i jerk up and start stumbling back, backing myself into a wall to be far away from him.

"what are you doing here?" i ask, my voice shaking.

"i saw you dancing with that...child," he slowly laughs, his tone sounding bitter. "you have no business being with someone like him, tesoro."

"santo-"

"do you know how fucking sick i felt?" he snaps, stalking like a dangerous animal. "seeing you with him? while you wear the dress i picked out for you?"

being alone was a mistake. i try to dart for the door but he grabs me and picks me up, covering my mouth with his hand. he throws me onto the bed, forcing his bodyweight on top of me. im frozen, i cant move. every karate class ive taken, all my knowledge on hurting someone just vanishes. hes on top of me and i cant move.

im sobbing again. he presses his finger to my lip, hushing me.

"i should be the only one who takes this dress off you tonight," he whispers. he starts lowering the top, leaving the top of my chest exposed. "dont cry, tesoro, you'll feel so much better after. ive been waiting for this for so long..."

"no please, santo," i beg through my tears. "please just leave me alone. please just-"

theres a few knocks on the door. "yaera, is that you? can i come in?"

that's san's voice. santo clamps his palm over my lips again and i scream.through them. its muffled. i start struggling and kicking but he wont get off me. he forces his hand harder. "fucking stop," he growls at me.

the door swings open anyway. san barges in and santo quickly jumps off me, suddenly on the other side of the room. san looks between us, frozen in his feet.

"what, did anyone say you could fucking come in?" santo screams. san stays staring between us, his face absolutely blank. santo scoffs and adjusts his suit jacket before storming out and slamming the door.

i sit up on the bed, looking at san through blurry eyes. i cant even find my voice. i cant even deal with what just happened.

"did he try..." san trails off, shaking his head at me. he rushes to sit down next to me. i cant help it, as soon as he wraps his arms around me i start bawling again.

"i cant fucking breathe. san please i just want to get away from here. please can we just leave."

he softly rubs the side of my head as he holds my face in his chest. "lets go. we'll go away from here. far away from.here. anywhere."

***

san

i dont even know where to start.

yaera and i ordered an uber from the hotel, disappearing with the permission of her father, saying she felt sick and she needed to go home. they werent happy but yaera's distraught face convinced them. they have no idea what the fuck happened tonight. they were sitting with that same guy that night.

hell, i dont even know what happened. but i could put two and two together.

yaera and i havent said a word to each other. shes passed out on my chest all the way to my apartment. i have to carry her on the way in. i have to put her down on her feet when its time to go into my apartment, and she hangs on my arm the entire time.

"you sure you fine with this?" i ask her. she nods wordlessly.

i let her inside, and she makes her way to my bed where she falls hopelessly. i go and sit down beside her, not knowing what to say. i dont know any words that can fix what happened tonight.

i know so much about her, but tonight...it made me realize i know nothing.

"this isnt the first time it happened," she says, her voice low and defeated. "the first time he did it...i was fifteen. he touched the inside of my thigh in a dressing room and kept trying it till i never went back. i never told my parents...or my sister."

i dont say anything. i let her speak.

"he told me he would never let me go. that he was in love with me. he tried so many times. at my own house. and everytime i would end up in the hospital...my parents would blame me. they would say that i was acting out. i didnt know how to tell them. they treated santo better me and my sister. hes a saint to them."

i feel my head heating up. a rich prick predator piece of shit. he deserves to disappear. he deserves to fucking rot.

i bet miss A could make a bastard like him disappear really quickly.

i take her hand and gently rub my thumb over her knuckles. i feel terrible. the only reason he was able to follow her was because of me.

"so thats why you asked me to not leave your side," i realized. "so you wouldnt be alone with him."

"he gets jealous of every man who comes near me," yaera's tears leak onto my pillow. "i thought if he saw you...he would really leave me alone this time. but it just...it made him more aggressive. he tried to..."

i pull her up and bring her into another hug, gripping her tightly. it felt like if i let her go that i'd never hold her again. that feeling terrifies me. i hate it so much.

"i'll never let him hurt you again," i swear. "i'll fucking kill him. just say the word and i will."

"i want him off my skin, san," she tells me pleadingly. "i dont want to feel him ever again. i want to scratch my skin off and be clean. i want to feel clean again."

"you arent dirty, yaera. hes the fucking filthy one for putting his hands on you," i hold her face in my hands. shes delicate, like porcelain. her eyes, that are usually so menacing and careless are filled with sadness. "youre perfect. you dont deserve that, dont for a second blame yourself. you're perfect, do you hear me?"

"if im so perfect then why dont you want me?" she whimpers. my blood runs cold. fuck how can she hit me with such a heavy loaded question.

theres no point in lying anymore. this is the last situation where i can lie.

"im scared," i admit. "im scared of you. and this. and everything. ive never had something like this, ive never had someone this close to me. i dont know how to handle it. ive been alone for so long i dont know how to let anyone be near me. i never let myself have anything. i always let go."

"please let me be there," she whispers in a tone i cant refuse. "please dont let me go. let yourself have this. let yourself have me."

my chest hurts. this night isnt going at all how i thought it would. its too much. i dont know what to say to yaera. i find my eyes feeling heavy. she takes my face in her hands again and i know she wants to kiss me. fuck it, this is the worst time. but at this point, there isnt ever a right time.

i go in for it and kiss her first. her lips are soft and velvety, and she melts against mine instantly. we start to lose our softness, with yaera pulling me closer and closer. its like she wants to take all the oxygen out of me. her kiss is hard, like a cry for help, like im all the air she'll ever need.

she breaks the kiss and drags her lips down my neck, making me shudder. yaera makes her way onto my lap and i dont fight it, her legs wrapping around me tightly as her dress rides up her thighs.

the kisses turn hot and i feel my brain losing sense. this wont end here, i know it. i want to stop it. i drag my willpower from the floor to break our kiss and she stares at me, frowning with swollen lips.

"is this really a good time?" i ask seriously. "you're really emotionally vulnerable right now. after what happened tonight, do you really think-"

"san," she interrupts me, pressing another kiss to my lips. "my life has been one big emotional fucked up moment, i want to forget. i want to have this, im so fucking dead inside. i want to feel alive again."

she stops showering me with warm pecks and looks me dead in the eye. "will you give me that?"

i hold her face again. my chest feels warm thinking about how no one sees her like this. her pain. but she trusts me enough. she lets me see it.

"i'll give you whatever you want tonight. i promise."

those words were all she needed. yaera slides her hands over my chest, pushing the suit jacket off. her hands move fast, flicking open every button till my chest is bare.

she presses her lips to mine again, her fingers tugging at my hair. i moan at the pull, surprising myself and her. she breaks the kiss and smiles down at me.

"i could get used to that sound," she teases. something stirs in me. she's so hot.

i move my hands to the back of her dress, finding the zipper. i dont break eye contact, and her smile only grows as the dress starts falling apart on her.

i slowly drag my lips down her neck, and she lets out a shiver. i fight my smile and continue to leave hot, soft kisses down her shoulder, moving down to her barely hidden cleavage. yaera harshly pulls the dress down, having rolls of money fall out and exposing her chest.

***

yaera

san stares at me after my boobs stare at him. there's a dazed look in his eyes that disappears once he lowers his mouth onto my one boob and grabs a hand full of the other.

i throw my head back, lost in a cloud after feeling his warm mouth. he starts sucking and massaging, rolling circles over my nipple. this is heaven. or something close to it definetely.

i feel my thighs tightening, warmth seeping down from my lower stomach. i try to stifle my moans, my mouth just barely gasping. he looks up at me, pausing on his motion. "you dont have to hold back. i told you i'll give you anything you want tonight," he whispers.

i hold his face with both my hands, feeling like i could cum from just staring into his eyes. "i only want you," i admit direly. i'll take anything he gives me. "but rubbing on you would be nice too."

he leans back, making me yearn. "okay, open wider."

hearing those words just makes me hotter. i get up from his lap and completely remove my dress, both of us just ignoring all the money on the floor. san's eyes hang on my every movement. im in nothing but black lace, and i dont waste time in throwing myself on his lap again, legs parted and ready.

he brings his lips to mine again, both softly and yet completely taking them as his own. his hand slips between my thighs, slowly trailing up like hes carressing fragile ceramics. i shiver as he gets closer to me, his hand finally slipping onto the base of me. he drags his thumb down my clothed folds, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer.

i try to focus on kissing him, dragging my teeth down to his neck. i lose myself when he starts rubbing me with both fingers, feeling that jolt of warmth coursing through me.

my mouth is parted as my face is buried in his neck, pathetic whimpers pumping out of me. san starts going in circles, right in the perfect spot. i do myself the favour and move the fabric to the side, his warm fingers completely melting inside me as he pumps them in and out.

i know im doomed when i hear myself squelching. his rhythm is perfect, not too slow and not too fast, just enough for me to completely feel him and fade cloudily. i feel my high coming, my thighs starting to tense and my grip on him tightening. i start to kiss him frantically, till san keeps pushing his fingers faster. i feel like a hot coil, going and going till before i know it, im dripping all over his fingers.

i collapse onto his lap and he slowly drags them out, and i hear him prop them into mouth. i look at him with an accomplished smile on my face, shaking my head.

"you sick fuck, did you just taste me?"

san shrugs with a small smile on his face. "yeah, can you blame me?"

i cant contain myself, i kiss him again. i dont even feel close to done. "let me do something for you now?" i say against his lips.

"mmm mmm," san shakes his head, gently gripping my waist. "i just want you to feel good. do you?"

i nod. "i feel better than ever. but really, you dont want anything?"

he lets out a heavy sigh. "i didnt want to tell you this, but you feeling things makes me...feel things."

oh he just became ten times hotter.

i realize it now, while sitting so close to him, i can feel his massive boner poking me through his pants. i smirk to myself, getting an idea.

"oh no, you have that look on your face again," san mutters, moving my hair back. "what are you thinking?"

"readjust your friend. so i can sit on him."

san goes quiet, but i can feel him pulsing underneath me. its sensation is sending me into fucking heat all over again.

"i dont think we should go too far," he says. "dont get me wrong, i want to. i really do. but i dont think you're feeling hundred percent...after everything."

my smirk drops. i dont want to think of him. not right now. not while i have san's hands all over me. but i guess its not a good look if i do just jump his bones after everything that happened.

he holds my face in his hands and squeezes after i say nothing. "and dont think its because you're not pretty or anything. seriously, i dont know why you would even say that."

i shrug. my black and white state of thinking has never really helped me.

san picks up a pillow up and tosses it against the wall. "come on, lets fall asleep. we can talk again in the morning."

"okay," i mutter. i dont know what else to say. i get off him and and crawl into his bed. san follows after, his hot skin completely blanketing me as he puts his arm over my body and draws me against him.

"are you gonna act like nothing happened tomorrow again?" i ask.

silence.

"no. stop worrying."

his curt words dont register in my brain, because he places a warm kiss on my shoulder. it doesnt take me long to completely drift to sleep.

***

wooyoung

wooyoung knows he fucked up. he knows its all fucked up, he just doesnt know when he's going to tell san about it.

miss A is looking at him with cold eyes, he cant even utter a word because of the fear inside him. seonghwa is sprawled out on a broken couch, horrific burns all over him. hes barely alive, but he had it in him enough to tell everyone about what went down at the warehouse.

"changbin is dead, you know this right?" miss A tells him.

"yes, ma'am," he utters pathetically.

"so you know what you and lucky have to do."

he knows he cant stay a bitch in this gang for long. he knows its going to get real. petty stuff is all wooyoung is used to. extortion, scamming people. when he watched yunho die, a fear he thought was so far away just flashed infront of his eyes. he knew he'd come to be on the other end someday.

"you find that man...and you bring me his hand. or else, i'll have yours."

***

A/N: pls this chapter was a mess im sorry and it took forever to write , the next will be better 😭😭😭😭

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