#ive been watching too much vampire media

[jermanite]

*attacks his throat with my teeth*

[hoodie-prince-kid]

preparing for halloweem by watching the netflix castlevania even tho ive never played a castlevania game and also usually cant tolerate gore B)

[teardew]

-

im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao

it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...

like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...

also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...

idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??

i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art

i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money

maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know

i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...

but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?

i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this

sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it

i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying

[leonardoeatscarrots]

So i don't really know much about your fandoms or interests so... idk, would you mind giving me the rundown maybe? Like a little description about the games you like, or some info about your different comics? I want to chat more with you but I'm not sure where to start since I'm not familiar with your fandoms

Haha, that makes sense, my Fandoms can be considered a little niche.

First off, I'm super glad to finally meet you, lol. I've sorta been watching you and Pringles from afar, and you two seem like good friends.

But yeah, I'll happily give you a rundown, thanks for asking ^^

Pathologic/Мор: Утопия is a Russian videogame developed by Icepick Lodge. You play as one of three healers in a bo-hum steppe town, and your goal is to try and save the population from the outbreaking plague. The game has a lot of heavy theatrical influences and is well known for being extremely difficult and cruel. Which means the writing is perfectly catered to my tragedy-loving gay-theater-kid ass.

Karamora/Карамора is a show I got into a while ago. Basically, it's a fictional retelling of the Russian revolution (one of my special interests, lmao), except all the nobles are vampires. It's dumb but it's unironically so well made. Plus it has that twinky ginger guy, Evgeny Schwartz, in it. This show is also what got me on the Russian media pipeline to begin with XD

Lost Splendor was a memoir written by Felix Yusupov (aka the guy who killed rasputin, aka an important figure in the Russian revolution), and it's just incredibly funny for no reason. Man killed Rasputin, but all he could think to write about was how gay and ADHD he was.

Comics. I'm just very normal about them. I have a collection of around 80 different comics, single issues and graphic novels included. My favorites are queer and indie graphic novels, but im also a huge sucker for some of the classics like V for Vendetta. I have yet to purchase The Sandman comics, but they're on my list.

As for webcomics, I'm addicted to those too. I'm probably the biggest fan 5-ever of The Peculiar Compendium of Victor Van Wolfe on webtoons, and I've written a few fanfics and made fanart aplenty, as well as made custom stuffies of the characters. But I have a wide list of recommendations across a lot if genres XD

As for comics that IVE written, I currently have two open to the public on webtoons and tapas.

The first is Spaceships and Vodka, which is my primary comic. It's an anachronistic sci-fi surrounding a band of space pirates. It's a monster of the week style story with a lot of extra narrative told through backstories. It's currently still in the exposition stage and on hiatus.

The other is Gentle Hands, which is technically an AU of S&V. It's a gay romance following a disabled WWI soldier in a shellshock home and one of the nurses he has a crush on. This one is, alas, also still in the exposition stage, but is currently updating one page every other week.

As for like individual OCs, I mostly obsess over my comic characters. I don't typically make Fandom OCs.

My absolute pride and joy is Craig. He's also the fan favorite thus far.

I don't even know where to begin with him.

I have a bio for him and some other OCs I think, but I have yet to actually fill out any more >>_>> executive dysfunction my beloathed.

The full main cast list includes

Craig

Mirium

Derick

Terric

Carl

As well as Erasmus, Rusty, Cipher, Jadyn, and Jesper as some other extras.

So long as I'm here I may as well finish all the bios and make a master post lol...

[autisticempathydaemon]

For the redacted match ups!! Thank you ily no rush!! <333

The song I’m fixated on right now is probably Saturn by Sleeping At Last! “With shortness of breath / You explained the infinite / And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist / I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again / I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen / I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time / That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes”

I’m an enneagram 5w4! I can never decide my mbti, something along the lines of istp or intp or entp but not estp ??? This plagues me

I love love love big youtube video essays, I’m not sure if i can pick a specific favorite!! They’re pretty much all I watch if that helps, and I have a lean toward informational ones— like, about real world events and history rather than about media— although certain media ones are really good too.

My imaginary friend’s name was Nobody. Like.. genuinely thats what i called him. I knew he wasn’t real but i felt left out ‘cause everyone else had one so when people were around I would pretend i had an imaginary friend. An imaginary imaginary friend named Nobody. He had a family too; his siblings were named Somebody and Everybody. Hell yeah

My go to way to fall asleep is in a sea of pillows (they keep my bones in place), big puffy comforter thats too big for my bed, window open, listening to podcasts til like 3am (or whenever sleep happens)

I have changed my name, and I picked it because it shares a nickname with my birth name and has the same initial— an easier transition for everyone else, they could just say my nickname if they didn’t want to say my new one. It even sounds similar. I do like the name, but it beat the other options because of that.

The first one that comes to mind as my favorite is the video where Sam heals Darlin (Vampire Tends To Your Injuries)— it was the first one I listened to and easily the one I’ve listened to the most. I’m a whore for hurt/comfort and that specific energy was too good, the mutual care and growing trust without strings attached, waaaah. I’m also really fond of the one where Avior helps Starlight sleep (Comforted By Your Demon) and the imperium one Specifically when Milo is talking to Asher about David (the beginning of Cataclysm: Last Wish) and the pain in the acting its SO GOOD. Probably my favorite bit of acting specifically from the channel, and the only scene thats made me cry. I just love when characters let down their walls and are vulnerable with each other its real good

The redacted boy who holds no appeal to me… im so sorry its caelum im so sorry it gets worse its not just caelum its huxley too i dont think i have a good reason theyre too nice and as for caelum i have a small brother i cant take any more

“Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.” Don’t say that you dont know what youre getting into. Its the entire warrior cats franchise and im ending the conversation here before i start (more socially acceptable answer: The Song of Achilles)

Hmmm I’d love to be best friends with James!!

When im tired i will usually go off about whatever random problem im concerned about that day, my most common recently is my rage about leopard print vs cheetah print WHY IS THE CHEETAH GIRLS LOGOS AND STUFF LEOPARD PRINT. THE CHEETAH. GIRLS. WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK LEOPARD PRINT IS CHEETAH??? THEY LOOK DIFFERENT??? WHATS GOING ON???

Gas station snack and drink combo is usually green tea, I dont often get snacks there so im like trying so hard to figure out what id get or whats there… oo pretzels maybe

I cant tell you about my favorite playlist because i have one (1) playlist ive had since i was 14 and its just everything ive ever listened to ever, if im in a specific mood ill usually just look up the artist, recently its been a lot of Sleeping at Last and Novo Amor

I have no guilty pleasures im unapologetically me babey (its webkinz) (not the site Just the plushies) (best plushies and im very right about this)

Im sleepy and i love my cat and i would very much like to just cuddle that dang thing all day but alas, society calls. Despite this im a workaholic and not being on my feet at all times getting stuff done stresses me out in a major way— cant be stressed if im asleep, though!:D Also i eat raw potatoes on the regular (easy 2 prepare just take it out the cupboard pop it in ur mouth bb) and recently have started putting peas in my water boba style (or perhaps like a duck?) because i dont like water but i do like frozen peas and in this situation like 1 in 10 sips Theres A Dang Pea In There! This method has gotten me to drink more water than i have in probably years

You know who would know what they’re getting into and would love it? Ollie, who was definitely a Warrior Cats kid.

You say that you’re a workaholic, and Type Fives are characterized by their capability and competency… and yet, I get really fun, goofball vibes from you that I think Ollie would really love and get along with.

You’re both hard workers, curious, and diligent, but at home, you could be chill and just be with each other, be yourselves with each other. You with your Webkinz and your Warrior Cats and him with his Star Trek- it’s a lovely, comfortable home you have that’s utterly unique to the both of you.

Coming home everyday would be a delight, a reward after a long day of work. Ollie’d grab takeout on the way, orange chicken for him and whatever’s your favorite, and he’d settle in for the night, chopsticks in hand, saying “tell me about the difference between leopard and cheetah print, Babe.”

Song:

They say in Heaven, love comes first/ We'll make Heaven a place on Earth/ Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth

Ollie strikes me as the kind of dude who loves cheesy, 80’s pop; like, I can see him busting through the door with the aforementioned takeout and just bopping. It’s also just a really cute song about the person you love and the space you make together being Heaven, and I love that for y’all.

Runner-Ups:

I like Avior for you on an Enneagram basis; along with the competency and capability, there’s a dogged curiosity there that, I think, Avior would admire and would keep him on his toes. Regulus is purely because of the imaginary friend tidbit; there’d be something poetic about him taking place of your Nobody and making himself your real imaginary friend. I could totally do something with that.

Note: thank for you the Sleeping At Last song rec~ I love his whole Enneagram album, so I’ve been meaning to get into more of his discography 🧡

Want a match-up of your own? Read this post, and tell me about yourself! 💌

[ghostybreads]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

hello!! i absolutely don't mind! this is such a cute question, i love talking about my interests 🥰 the top few are my absolute all time favourites, but otherwise no particular order! Put under a cut because I rambled a bit!

How to Train Your Dragon

I'm so so obsessed with this franchise, I'm not even sure where to start on why I love it. I actually have a toothless tattoo! and like, six toothless plushies that my friends and I call the council. The show race to the edge for it is one of my favourite parts, but nothing will top the first movie for me. There's just something so magical about it. It's truly beautiful, every time I watch it I genuinely feel like my heart is soaring <3 A lot of people don't know that the shows exist but I think they're so good and silly, they're such a comfort for me.

Servamp

This is a manga I always end up going back to again and again. I'm sure people have put it better than i could, but it reflects a very real and flawed human experience (despite the vampires lol). It feels like each and every side character gets so much depth, and everyone has their own journey, and its a very sympathetic and nuanced with its antagonists. The main pair grow SO much as people over the course of the story, and they build up plot twists so fucking well, ive watched it unfold and still felt like it was all planned from the very beginning. Also has british vampire catboy who goes 'meow' in the most serious deep voice ever, my beloved.

The Legend of Zelda

I'm counting this as one because I feel this way about most of the games, they're all so special to me in different ways. Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom I've loved playing, I felt so immersed in the world in such little ways, and all the small interactions with the people in that world felt so real and made me care about it. Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask are also so incredible and such wonderful stories, and I have such a soft spot for Skyward Sword, idk I couldn't choose a favourite if I tried. I've loved them since I was a kid so its hard to pinpoint what exactly it is that draws me to them.

Jing Wei Qing Shang/Clear and Muddy Loss of Love

TOXIC LESBIANS. I fear that since i've read JWQS no sapphic media will ever be good enough for me again, its insane how perfectly to my taste it was. The main chara can telepathically communicate with horses in an otherwise normal non-fantasy world and there's no explanation or even plot necessity for it, its so perfect for me. Qiyan, the MC, has so much gender. She's a malewife, she's a pathetic boyfriend, she's a lesbian, she's a boygirl, she's everything. The premise is that Qiyan, in her quest for revenge, ends up accidentally in an arranged marriage to the daughter of her enemy. And despite falling in love with her, she continues with her revenge anyway, prepared for the love of her life to kill her with her own hands when its over. There's so much emotion on both sides, its overflowing love and hatred and anger and bitterness and affection all at once. It truly is a whole journey to get through and I've been a changed man since.

Scum Villain's Self-Saving System

Another one I'm so batshit over that I don't know if any series will ever replicate. They're so insane. Shen Qingqiu's unreliable narration is so funny but also so fascinating to unpack, there's so much to read in what he doesn't say. It's so funny, but then when you think about what's really happening, it's kind of horrifying, there's this constant whiplash. The whole premise of one persons impact changing the story, the very narrative itself, is sooo important to me on so many levels. Bingqius dynamic is so incredible to me too, they're just so insane and so much fun to read. They've always stuck with me.

MILGRAM PROJECT

I LOVE MILGRAM it's a song story project told through music videos and audio dramas! The producer is one of my favourite artists, DECO*27, and every song is consistently a banger. Every character has such an interesting, nuanced story, and as the audience you're challenged to figure it out yourself based on the clues, and your interaction decides where the story goes. It's so much fun seeing a new MV come out and everyone come together to theorise and discuss. It's still ongoing, and very easy to get into, so I always recommend it! My favourite prisoner is Fuuta :)

Voltron

Okay look. The question said favourite media, not explicitly media I thought was good. It is a show that is very very dear to my heart, and I think it fucking sucks after a certain point. The PREMISE is so so good, it had so much going for it on concept, and the characters carried it. I got so attached to them, I love their silly dynamics and they're so funny. I really do love the first few seasons, and I love the potential for what it could've been :') I very frequently text my best friend to rewrite parts of the lore.

That's 7 in detail, and the bonus additions are: Natsume's book of friends, good omens, and word of honour!

Thank you for asking!!! 💖💖💖 I don't think my thoughts were very comprehensive but I had fun, I hope they make some sense??

[suenitos]

Hello! Happy June! It's Pride and I have another question (4/30)

Today we are talking about queer representation in media. In 1894 "The Dickson Experimental Sound Film" is released, becoming the first "gay film". It was also known as "The Gay Brothers", it feature two men dancing together and it reportedly "shocked audiences with its subversion of conventional male behaviour". Unfortunately, in 1934 the USA introduced the Hays Code, which, while it didn't explicitly ban queerness, banned queerness in effect. This resulted in three decades of queer-coded villains, such as Joel Cairo in "The Maltese Falcon" (1941) and Jack Favell in "Rebecca" (1940).

The Hays Code was lifted in 1968, and the queer cult classic "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" was released in 1975, and gave a much-needed positive and FUN representation of queer people and queerness. Unfortunately, this was short-lived, as the rising AIDs crisis worsened the stigma around the gay community. This didn't stop everyone though, and in 1985 "Desert Hearts" was released; regarded as the first mainstream lesbian film with a happy ending.

Further on, the first gay kiss on TV in the UK was on "EastEnders" in 1989, "Ellen" became the first American tv show with an openly gay lead in 1997, and other show such as "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" started to add recurring LGBTQ+ characters. An important show in the UK was "Queer as Folk" (1999) which was one of the first shows to depict the queer community as vibrant and alive.

Even further forward, and "Moonlight" (2017) became the first LGBTQ+ film (and the first all-black cast) to win Best Picture at the Oscars. GLAAD publishes an annual report showing how representation is changing. 2005-2006 1.4% of regular characters vs 2020-2021 the figure is at 9.1%. So, there is still a long way to go obviously, especially because media is often the main or only place that young people have an insight into the community at all.

Because of this, I want to ask you for a recommendation: What is a piece of queer media that you think more people should see? (it can be literally anything, big/small, funny/sad, smart/stupid <- just anything you think deserves to be watched!:))

(I'll go first: "Eu Não Quero Voltar Sozinho" (or "I Don't Want to Go Back Alone) is a really really cute Brazillian short film available on Youtube! (if you enjoy it, there is also a full-length film version called "Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho" (or "The Way He Looks"))

Happy Pride 🌈 🎉

ooh thank you for the recs :3 umm i wish i had a ton off the top of my head that i've actually watched but i will say i did love moonlight obvs. one that ive been meaning to watch for a while is alucarda (1977) which is a mexican horror/thriller lesbian/wlw film.. ARCANE watch arcane i love arcane... a couple others on my watch list are badhaai do, pariah, and tangerine. >_< but im a cheerleader is a comfort film for sure too

[k-azzzz]

i am not a person with an active tumblr im barely a person with any active social media and to be funny i would say barely a person but its incorrect i am a person a person with a need to rant abt a tv show i kind of just jumped into bc it looked cool and my brain finally went okay you watch this now so im going to do that i apologize to my one friend who may get a notification of me posting (<3 one of my favs ever)

its a story imagine me in my history class maybe a month ago listening to conversations with involving a teacher who is dear to my heart shes go great i love her first day i told her my name and she showed me a kaz breker pin she had (not where my name came from its far more embarrassing but i absolutely loved it and knew the vibes were good even tho i was having a bad day) so i am listening and the show “interview with a vampire” -2022- is mentioned. teacher and another student chat seems nice has a cool name i think i wrote it down somewhere. jump to idk a few weeks ago i see something vampiric and think of that bc word association then today i see a spoiler tiktok (kinda) for an episode i have not even reached and i am so absolutely enthralled i look up the show and start trying to log into accounts as soon as i am done scrolling. i watch the trailer - i love it - i get confused bc there is an older movie with almost the same name idk if its abt the same thing

i am officially watching the show its great it combines aspects of many of my favorite things and makes me feel how my favorite books made me feel almost before the first episode is over (books notably being fairest, and sharp objects) truthfully idk why the show made me feel that way but it did and i like it. i like this show so much i forgot to mention the utter shock of the first sexual scene in the show and how early it was juxtaposed with remembering how i heard of the show but honestly that is one of the better things to come out of my public school journey.

back to the show its so interesting i feel the need to inhale it but i have to take breaks bc it is too much and, i have bad wifi so it buffers alot. so ive been doing that and trying to keep my grubby paws away from typing things up and looking up spoilers bc i am a person who with loudly say “i love spoilers” because i honestly do but i know in my heart of hearts i shouldn’t for this show because sometimes spoilers just ruin the fun of something even if wanted and this is a show i find insanely fun to consume.

and i get to the 3rd episode and im almost blindsided by the fuckery of the political side characters because of my joy in watching this show and the other drama but when the fuckery catches up to me i am enraged and then filled with thoughts of admiration for this show and the way it did that

all this to say

A MOTHERFUCKER WHO GOT SHIT ON HIS PENIS FIRST EPISODE IS ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY BC WHAT HES WHITE HE THINKS HES SMART - god it takes everything in me not to automatically hate the actor (which i hope he is a good person and a great actor) and wish him karma

ty for your time :)

[superbellsubways]

guess im having undertale and re8 brainrot this week

[omnipotentfool]

Hello, may I please request the Villainous cast with a fem! Vampire so, if it’s not too much trouble? Please and thank you ahead of time ❤️.

Villianous Cast with a vampire S/O

Blackhat:

Against what you may expect Blackhat is very reluctant about dating a vampire

Yes, he has done a lot of business with the creatures of the night, but media's lovey dovey sexy bat beings naturally put him off.

But he oh so much loves enjoying a nice bloody Mary while talking about past centuries you both enjoyed.

isn't much into pda but shows his care in other ways, holding your umbrella, replacing all the glass mirrors with brass mirrors, silent walks at night

Hunting is another mutual thing he loves to do with you, even if it's just stalking

He won't stop you but feeding from him is very unwise considering his blood is extremely unpure. It'd be like drinking acid.

Do lock your coffin though, who knows what might crawl in.

Flug:

This man is a sucker for vampires.

At first i thought Blackhat would be more of Gomez to your Morticia, but Dr. Flug for sure is.

Always worries about going out in daylight with you and even brings suncreen no matter how many times you tell him it doesnt work that way

He loves you with all his heart but drinking from him is a no no. but he doesnt mind giving a supply

Gets really sad if you have to hibernate or migrate due to vampiric needs or politics.

Demencia

I dont know why but Demencia feels very much like a Twilight stan.

Plays the game of a hundred questions: "omgomgomg does your skin really shimmer in the sunlight oh how do you feed? Can you tell me? can you show me?"

absolutley will let you feed from her, it tickles. she much prefers to watch you terrorize others though.

Likes to play with your fangs.

She absolutely despises your hibernation though, she hibernates for a week or two but you take so loonnnggg

steals so many cuddles

Sorry if this isn't the best, it's been a while since ive written and while I love Villianous, I've always been a bit disconnected with the media as a whole.

[danakin-skywalker]

ho ho ho!!!🎄☃️🎁

i hope this wagner wednesday, december 15th, was fabulous and your booster shot didnt suck too badly<3

I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE MAKING A BAYMAX MOVIE BUT EXCITING hes so adorable!!! glad to see hercules and atlantis in that top 5 bc wow they slap - same with coco. i took my younger brother to see it in theaters and cried like a baby. i cant say much about the pizza because im a slut for a couple of the local pizza places around me. with fries i cant say ive had any food from dq but now im tempted to try them👀

✨ questions of the day ✨

1. do you believe in the supernatural? if so, to what extent?

2. are there any local legends/cryptids now/where you grew up that are cool or interesting?

3. top 5 places you want to travel to?

4. favorite kinds of flowers?

5. do you have any tattoos or piercings?

remember santa loves u with their whole heart <3!

🎅🏼

#26

ps. when you answer this itll be 9 days to go till the big reveal!!!! 🥳

Good morning santa!! I’m feeling much better today than yesterday booster-wise! The ending of Coco also makes me cry, but so do the DQ French fries bc they’re SO GOOD you have to try them next chance you get I swear santa.

Okay, so here’s my thing about the supernatural. I love consuming media about supernatural things, but for the most part I believe in ghosts/spirits and aliens and that’s about it. I just can’t bring myself to believe that other things like werewolves and vampires exist. Although, with how little of the ocean has been explored, it’s still entirely possible that mermaids could exist, so the jury’s out on that one. I just like to consider myself a critical thinker when it comes to these, I’m hesitant to believe but I definitely can be swayed.

My hometown didn’t really have any local legends that I knew of. Honestly, Santa, I had a pretty sheltered youth. There was this abandoned psych ward near our closest city that people would sneak into sometimes to take pictures and smoke weed. I never went (bc I’m a lil bitch and that sounds scary) but friends of mine have gone and said it freaked them out.

Ooooh okay so full disclosure I’ve never crossed an ocean so there are lots of places I haven’t been to that I’d love to see. First and foremost, one day I’d love to do just a grand tour of Italy, because there are so many cities I wanna see; Florence, Tuscany, Rome, Venice, Naples, all of Sicily, etc. I would also love to see Greece, I remember falling in love with it after watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants when I was younger. I’d also like to see France, but probably not Paris. I’d want to go to Nice and Toulouse and Bordeaux and Cannes. After spending years studying French and France, I’ve come to the realization that Paris is really only exciting if you’re rich or super interested in history, other than that you might as well check out another city. I’d also really love to see Japan one day, there’s this guy I watch on YouTube who lives in Japan and basically goes to the convenience stores and vending machines and assembles and tries instant food and I know this is a strange thing to want to try but it all looks so good and it’s so cheap I want to try the snacks and instant noodles!!! (Literally all I was able to stomach yesterday was ramen noodles so there may be a bias at play here). Also, I’ve always wanted to see Ireland. I have family lineage in Ireland (along with Italy) and I think it would be really cool to reconnect with that, plus Ireland looks beautiful nature-wise.

My favorite flower bouquet-wise has always been roses with baby’s breath. Preferably red, but just any roses. I know that’s kind of basic, but I’ve always felt like a bouquet of roses really truly symbolizes a special occasion. Non-bouquet wise, my mom and I were growing some hibiscus plants on the balcony of her old apartment during quarantine and I really liked how quickly they could turn over and start growing a new flower bud, so that even though they only bloomed for a few days, there was always at least a few in bloom. It was a very rewarding flower to take care of.

I have two small black ink tattoos- the first being a cross on my back between the back of my neck and the middle of my shoulderblades. I got it just a few weeks after I turned 18 and I had been thinking about it for years- my mom only agreed because of the easily-hideable placement and the fact that it’s a cross. The thing is, because of the so-easy-to-hide placement, I would fully forget I had it and so would people around me unless I happened to have my hair up and be wearing a shirt that has a low back. So, around this time last year I believe, I got another tattoo on my right wrist that reads “this too shall pass” in typewriter font, lengthwise. I wanted to get this tattoo because I had a realization mid-quarantine that what my mom had been telling me for years about having visible tattoos and getting a job wouldn’t apply to me because I’m going into the entertainment field. This phrase has also always been an important mantra for me— in bad times, it’s a reminder that even though something feels like it’ll last forever, it won’t. Alternately, in good times, it’s a reminder to live in the moment because time is fleeting. I wanted to get it right on my wrist so that it can be in my line of vision when I need the reminder, because my issue with mantras and corrective thinking is I don’t remember to use them when my brain is in fight or flight mode. Also typewriter font because screenwriting.

Also, I have my earlobes pierced but that’s it, I have a topical nickel allergy and nickel is the main ingredient in most cheap jewelry, so I rarely even wear earrings to begin with. For that reason, I don’t really have any motivation to get a new piercing. I was looking into a daith piercing for a minute last year until I realized I wouldn’t be able to wear earbuds. So yeah, just the two tats and normal piercings for me!

I love you Santa I hope you also enjoyed Wagner wednesday there was a lot of good content. Can’t wait to officially meet you in 9(!!) days

[wincore]

AGREEEE, WORKING OVER THE WEEKEND IS THE WORST esp since im in uni full time and i work 9-5 on the weekends which means... no breaks for me ever.. 🥲

MASSIVE CRUSH ON OIKAWA OMGGG I SUPPORT THIS!!!!! but i am unfortunately much older than 15 and still enamored by 2d men 😔 life’s rough like that HDJWKDJ YES ATSUMU CAUSES PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE.. HES THE WORST!! btw.. ive heard that the oikawa to atsumu stan pipeline is very real... so if u get to s4.. u may develop atsumu brain rot like me 👁_👁

OOO alright run on, extracurricular, vincenzo, true beauty, love alarm, & perfect crime. NOTED!! ive actually been meaning to watch extracurricular for a while now, it looks so interesting!! now that it has the wincore seal of approval i must watch 😤 OMGG SAKURADA DORI I SAW HIM IN ALICE IN BORDERLAND!! super good show but really gore heavy at some points 👁

ahh ok thank u for the reccs, ive been thinking about starting demon slayer too!! shoplifters sounds really interesting :oo crime??? i havent watched a full movie in a while so i will def check it out!! THESE R ALL GOING IN MY NOTES APP.

NEXT YEARRR omg it sounds far away but i know time passes so quickly nowadays so I WILL WISH U LUCK ONCE AGAIN 💛 i hope u update us when the time comes!!

UGHWHHD EVEN THIS SYNOPSIS IS MAKING ME MISS UR WRITING?!? I LOVE THE WAY U WORD IT... “given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear” AHHHHHHH omg “he’s in a relationship and doesn’t rlly care about the soulmate system” THIS IS ALWAYS SUCH A PAINFUL SCENARIO IN SOULMATE AUS PLSS!!! Wait is the soulmate of yn gonna be an oc/vague character or another member :O EITHER WAY... PAIN! THIS IS GETTING ME SO EXCITED AND U HAVENT EVEN MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT JAEHYUN’S LIKE IN THIS FIC YET

RUNWAY CHARACTER CAMEOOOS YESS I LOVE RUNWAY YN!!!! i actually reread it last night and ugh i was reminded how much i love yns personality... just the process of experiencing all tht self doubt with them!!! so real & makes u root for them :’)

“if jeno plays edward i need him to that apple scene like taemin did” WHHHHHWJDJJWJDBW THIS MADE ME CHOKE ON THE WATER I WAS DRINKING LMFAO

GODDDD THESE TROPE/MEMBER PAIRINGS, HARD AGREE HARD AGREE!!! HAECHAN AND RENJUN ARE E2L 100%!!!! i think bc the ppl in the bff2l category cant convincingly hate yn back LOL

“gets complimented on his lyricism often but like every song’s about you” STOPPPPP HES SO PERFDCT FOR THIS TROPE!!!!!

OMG I SEE EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN ABT SICHENG IN ROYALTY/CHAEBOL AUS... i think like u said it’s because of his poise & the way ppl are generally in awe of him but also bc of his reluctance to open up!! more reserved until he trusts u... funny and kind but sometimes perceived as aloof... those r some prince tendencies! “what are corporate businesses but modern day kingdoms” LMFAOOWJDJ SERIOUSLY THO

“mans really said i will not give you any onscreen idol personality to work with” HDJWJDJWJSJ LITERALLYYYY this is why i have trouble reading jaehyun fics sometimes bc sometimes they can feel “inaccurate” but its mostly just bc there’s no Standard Personality Stereotype to go off of. but a random & uncommon trope i think he’d pair well with is exes to lovers!! Yes im basically just a jaehyun + angst advocate.

“i think most of them would pair well with bff2l??” FACTTTTTTT and no im not just saying this bc its one of my favorite tropes.. heh... i think i told u this before?? but ur like the main reason i started enjoying e2l!!! i didnt like it before bc i love the PINING in bff2l but then i started reading ur works n was like OH SHIT! THERES LOADS OF PINING HERE TOO...

i think yangyang is not bff2l or e2l, he is in his own category which is Annoyer2Lover HDJWKDJ ex: troublemaker, wasted nights

OMGGGG I DID NOT EXPECT ROYALTY AU TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE LEAD IN THE SURVEY??? and cryptids is so low 😔😔 cmon guys, vampires r fun!!!

WE R LITERALLY WRITING ESSAYS TO EACH OTHER RN BUT I LOVE IT 🥺🥺 its a such a nice break to read ur response when im burnt out from studying!!

OMG IM GOING THROUGH #moonwrites AND IM LITERALLY AN IDIOTTTT IVE BEEN OFF TUMBLR FOR SO LONG I DIDNT REALIZE THAT ROMEO ROULETTE HAD A PREVIEW OUT????

“And I get what out of this?” “Me?” IM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTERS PERSONALITY ALREADY LMFAOO

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.” ?!?!???? THE WAY JAEHYUN IS A LITTLE SHIT! THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE BOTH SO FUN PLSJWJDJEJ IM MORE EXCITED NOW!!

pls disregard the part in my last ask where i asked abt romeo roulette.... i had no idea all of the information i needed was sitting right in front of me 😔😔

- tata

WHAT 9 TO 5 ON EVERY WEEKEND???? the system has failed you this honestly feels like a villain origin story 😭 when does it get better???

ALSO let me answer the other asks separately for better readability lol we really out here writing essays GOOD THING i have practice writing but like. this is infinitely better to write 🥰

PLSSS SOMETIMES I WILL SEE AN EDIT/TIKTOK OF OIKAWA AND BE LIKE DAMN I REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP I MISS THIS MF also are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men bc i will do it without hesitation. wait till i watch hq again and get that atsumu brainrot with you he seems annoying enough for me to like ^_^

AND YES PLS I WAS SO ABSORBED IN IT!! extracurricular was the most gripping show i’ve watched in a while like yes enough teen romance give me two unhinged teenagers doing crime 🤩 AND OMG??? THAT’S WHERE WE SAW HIM TOO and although niragi was literally vomit-inducing human trash, sakurada dori is like. a good actor. except i hated coffee&vanilla which starred him it was literally so cringe i couldn’t 😭 i blame the writers for that though. IM EXCITED FOR S2 OF ALICE IN BORDERLAND THO i really like horror (and i can tolerate gore if ive been desensitized enough) and like i read the manga too!!! the games were really interesting (although morbid).

😭😭 MY NOTES APP IS FULL OF RECS FROM FRIENDS ALL OF THEM HATE ME FOR NOT WATCHING THE SHOWS BUT LIKE. i binge 3 or 4 at a time and strike them off and then go 6 months without watching a single tv series hhh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I SURE WILL UPDATE !!! it’s so exciting to think about grad school sometimes :33

AHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AND THE PREVIEW TOO SGSDJKDS there’s a few differences in the actual fic i think bc i changed up the language (and i dont remember what else bc i refuse to look at my writing) JAEHYUN RLLY IS A LITTLE SHIT he’ll be like hm yeah im pretty chill :) and then proceed to beat yn at her own game at times. (she wins mostly dw) the fact that i made her soulmate cha eunwoo like girl if i were you i’d crash their relationship 🥱 (jk) but like. jaehyun too is 🤩 despite being dry af

ASDKDSKDS YOU REREAD ALL (ALMOST) 19K WORDS ??? IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THAT FIC SM AAAAHHH IM FEELING LIKE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR 🥰 i loved runway yn too they were like boss attitude with 20% anxiety.

LOOK JENO BETTER BE PULLING MOVES LIKE THAT TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS 😤 if he hits himself in the forehead with the apple, bonus points bc that was true comedy (as invented by taemin)

AND YES. LIKE I KNOW MARK HATED DONGHYUCK SO MUCH HE WANTED TO LEAVE SM BUT LIKE HE’S TOO NICE WITH EVERYONE ELSE 😭😭😭 i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3

thinking about dejun getting rejected by a girl he wrote a song for. rip brother.

IM GLAD YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS BC THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!!! he’s got all of these regal qualities but he’s still human ykyk so it makes for the most amiable person on earth 😌 i love this characterization of him!!

oof exes to lovers with jaehyun... i had a similar idea a while ago (with theme song sincerity is scary by the 1975) that i discarded bc i don’t think i’m cut out to write that 😭 (YET) so i will keep this is mind. u r so right about jaehyun feeling inaccurate bc it’s like he’s very mild in personality onscreen sometimes?? so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting. (jkjk but like you get the idea)

WAIT RLLY OMG BC OF ME???? i would never enjoy e2l irl bc irl dudes are 🤢🤢 and if they annoy me i will end them. but in fiction the mutual pining and initial disgust at yourself for liking the other??? helllooo 🤩🤩🤩 especially if it’s in a romcom style <3 bff2l is also better in fiction bc if the relationship doesnt work out irl and the person become uncomfortable with me i will just get annoyed jskshdl

LMAO YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT YANGYANG HE’S JUST THAT™ DUDE skgkhs he feels like someone fun to hang out with but he would annoy you the whole time. also he is cute 🥰

AND EXACTLY!!!! IM HAPPY FOR ROYALTY AUS BUT CMON. LOOK AT THOSE VAMPIRE TEETH. feel like media ruined vampires for people 😔 

THIS IS SUCH A NICE BREAK FROM STUDYING HONESTLY!!!! im like working on two semi-large projects AND studying course and out-of-course material simultaneously so my brain is a little fried. thank u for this 😘

[therachelperspective]

TV | Penny Dreadful (2014-2016)

This review has sat in my drafts for over a year. (It’s been a weird year, don’t judge me). Although I had a few notes sufficient enough to write a review from and could have probably have finished and posted something by now, I will honestly say that I have pondered Penny Dreadful this entire period of time. Even as I watch other series and take part in other media, every so often my mind wanders back to Penny Dreadful. Whether the show intrigued me or irked me has not entirely been decided, to the point where I am almost feel hastened to watch the show again with more attentiveness. But, just as I feel about Marvel’s Iron Fist series, I’m not sure I want to endure some of the more vexing qualities of Penny Dreadful a second time around (though I sadly will for Iron Fist as I once again attempt to complete the entire Defenders collection).

Let’s see what I can make of my long-stored memories.

Penny Dreadful derives its name from what is essentially Victorian England’s version of a comic book, typically with narratives of crime or violence. As per Britannica, these eight-page installments – also called “dime novels” or “bloods” – were carelessly written second-rate works full of gory themes. While I wouldn’t say the series to be careless or second-rate, it definitely hits the crime, violence, and horror right on the nose to give its namesake proper honor.

Set in the late 1800s, Penny Dreadful bears resemblance to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen in that it includes characters from various works of classic literature, though Penny Dreadful sticks to the obvious era of Victorian Gothic. Although its main characters Sir Malcolm Murray (Timothy Dalton), Vanessa Ives (Eva Green), and Ethan Chandler (Josh Hartnett) were created for the show, its supporting cast are directly named after major literary characters – Dorian Gray (Reeve Carney), Dr. Victor Frankenstein (Harry Treadaway) and his Creature (Rory Kinnear), as well as brief appearances throughout by Mina Harker, Abraham Van Helsing, Dr. Henry Jekyll (sadly, while the science is included, Jekyll’s own counterpart Hyde was not), Dracula, and Justine (from The Misfortunes of Virtue). It has been discussed online that the character of Malcolm is based on famed adventurer Allan Quartermain from King Solomon’s Mines and, by name, obviously a derivative of Mina Murray’s father from Dracula; however, he was not mentioned in the novel. Similarly, Vanessa Ives is said to be based on Mina’s best friend Lucy Westenra. Furthermore, the story arc of Brona, who then becomes “Lily Frankenstein,” shares obvious similarities to that of the Bride of Frankenstein.

The rich inspiration from classic literature is what initially drew me to watch Penny Dreadful, along with the hype I read when it was initially released in 2014. Despite the fact that I am typically not one for horror-based film or television, I undertook the task regardless. Per my usual reasoning (I swear I write this in everything and I apologize lol), I wanted to discover for myself if it was truly as great as the critics say. And dare I say, it was actually true for the first season. I remember posting something on Instagram stating how I understood the public interest in the show and that I was excited to continue on. While it has no doubt been some time since I’ve viewed the material, I distinctly remember my personal fascination dwindle shortly thereafter. Had I any sort of ability to abandon the media I try to consume, it might have caused me to not finish the show. But alas, I’m one of those hopefuls that thinks maybe it will get better. Plus, can you really say you watched something if you didn’t watch the entire thing? My answer: no. Must watch it all to have a proper opinion!

Wherein the first season focuses primarily on finding a kidnapped Mina Murray, with tolerable amounts of arc for Frankenstein, his creature, the mysterious Ethan Chandler, and Dorian Gray...  the latter seasons revolving around witches and “nightcomers” (season two), and Dracula (season three) – as well as the constant battles between Frankenstein’s scientist vs. his creations, the dragged out uncovering of Ethan’s background, and Dorian’s inability to keep it in his pants – just didn’t seem to have the same charm to me as the initial season. Maybe it was the story? Were these the best “big bads” writers could come up with? I suppose, yes, considering the source material of that particular period, there’s only so much to work with. But to have the first season’s enemy be simply a vampire and the third season’s Dracula, it seems to me like missed opportunity (like using Dracula in his actual storyline) or they were really just recycling material. You used vampires once already; was doing it again with one buffer season in between really your only option?

Other nagging details that truthfully somewhat prevent me from watching the series again include things like: how much of Vanessa’s “dialogue” actually includes Eva Green’s ability to make guttural sounds; how certain arcs overwhelmed the series (like Frankenstein’s Creature and Lily, though kudos to Penny Dreadful for exploring their thoughts/feelings that other films or shows have not), compared to others tales that were not fleshed out enough; characters from literature left me wanting more, even if I did already know their mythos (Dorian, for example, was merely only a brief glimpse at his portrait, no explanation of its mysticism); and lastly, Lily’s entire story felt too much for me. While I admire the show’s portrayal of feminism, body autonomy, and a sense of sisterhood amongst Lily and her “army,” her approach to these topics also felt preachy and eventually fell more into a “savior” complex. I can understand the rediscovery of life as a newly reanimated human, re-comprehending life and death, not allowing any man to “own” her purely based on his say-so... but the way the show writers approached it was not my favorite. Billie Piper was great in her role, but towards the end of her arc, I was bored with Lily’s endeavors.

My biggest pet peeve surrounding this show, however, was actual a very random detail – Ethan and Brona (Lily, in her previous life) had a very intense relationship during the first season before she succumbs to illness. How is it, despite both of their prominence in the show and their respective arcs, as well as mutual acquaintances with other characters, that Ethan never ever crossed paths with Lily at all once she was reborn? Was it because he would obviously recognize her as Brona and writers didn’t know how to incorporate that detail into the show? Was it because they wanted Lily to remain purely a character in Frankenstein’s and Dorian’s arcs? Someone please answer this for me, because it drives me nuts.

All in all, Penny Dreadful started strong and I did enjoy it at first, but its subsequent seasons and finale felt less than spectacular. What was once an enjoyable suspenseful thriller turned into a psychological drama looking to interpret everyone’s personal issues and traumas rather than working together for a common, supernatural cause. Where the first season saw everyone as a collective group, I feel the show slowly but surely lost its charm by increasing their solo arcs without much interaction amongst everyone as a whole. It’s not to say that they never spoke to one another (Ethan and Lily being the exception), but their interactivity became increasingly minimal. I will give writers some credit in that, for some characters, this solitude reflected their emotions and was necessary for their arc. But maybe I just believe the show was better when the ensemble was a more cohesive whole.

[sothischickshe]

For the fic reader/writer meme! 3! 16! 18! 20!

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

i’m sure! i mean fic-reading is something that’s kind of ebbed and flowed for me, there’ve been times when ive read a lot and then not read anything for years, and then it’s struck up again (with a different fandom). and ive read across varied fandoms in my times.

i don’t think there’s ever been times where ive been like: i wanna write one like that, or many times where ive been like: i wanna write x type fic. (though i’m sure it’s all gone into the subconscious whirlpool!). i think the closest would be maybe uncontrollable notes (period sex fic) bc i def remember there being some period sex going on in buffy fics (but with a uhh rather different spin, ha). or mayyyyybe people can be so cold which is definitely pretty tropey, but i think that’s probs more romcom inspired than anything else, and the huddling for warmth is pretty lacklustre bc i dont believe in being cold

i think the biggest inspirations are probably from recurrent themes in fic e.g., taking a preposterous AU concept and really committing to it, smut generally but particularly if it’s slightly off-kilter, AUs using a different existing story, plot ambling in the bg (which is different to plotless; not knowing whether details are just there to embellish or if they’ll tie together is fun!), pushing on bits of canon characterisation which aren’t emphasised in fandom, putting characters in a situation you want to see them in even if it’d be v unlikely to happen in canon cos why not. 

i’m also definitely inspired by interesting turns of phrase. there’s nothing wrong with tongues battling for dominance or orgasms crashing like waves, but it’s cool to see how else those sentiments can be framed, and i think im drawn to that (in fic and elsewhere)

16. Do you research for your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you gone down by accident when researching?

affgfgfgfgf yes and deep

so im gonna arbitrarily claim there are 3 main types of fic research: i. of canon ii. of the settings and situations used for the fic iii. of the language used to tell the story

and i think what i’ll research more (and the propensity for falling into burrows or whatevs) will depend on the fic

i actually havent (intentionally) researched canon much! i mean gg doesnt have a sprawling world like some properties, and i feel like i know the show and characters well enough normally to not need to check things too much. sometimes i’ll check a line of dialogue (like for the genie au i was like....wait....she did say he pops up like a genie right... i didnt make that up?)

i definitely did deeper checking for what a sight to see (vampire au) bc the first part of that is just like canon but different, and i needed to work through what would be different in this sitch, i think i did that mostly from remembering things, checking the episode descriptions & reading transcripts. i also def did it for found my thrill (turner pov of the pancake lie) bc i didnt remember anything turner said really (like i could summarise what he says, but not the words he uses) so that was mostly from the rewatch & rererewatching his scenes & rewatching the pancake lie on mute a fewww times & listening to the one hoobastank song i acknowledge

in terms of researching settings & situations invented for the fic, it’ll depend on the story. i dont think i did much of that for the turner pov thing, i mean i coulda gone and learnt about the fbi but meh. i also feel like i know enough abt (a presumably artistic licensed version of) that from imbibing so much american media. I WATCHED ALL OF BOARDWALK EMPIRE OK. I KNOW THINGS. haaa.

a lot of the stuff i do research for story purposes might not make it in in terms of details, but makes me feel like i have enough of a grasp of the thing to be writing about it? e.g., i learnt an absurd amount about michigan flea and vintage markets for waiting for someone who needs me (the genie au), or i looked up a lot about gun safety and gsw for (a) time to kill and then threw a lot of that out and went full standard artistic licence, plus some of what i had got ripped out anyway when i moved that stuff from being flashback to memory/thought. i def learnt some stuff about money laundering when i accidentally backed myself into plot in yourself and others. cos i was like yea yea i know how it works and then i was like....but do you though

probably the best research/rabbit hole though was when i took apart my bathroom door handle to make sure i knew what i was talking about for (a) time to kill haaaa

and then LANGUAGE RESEARCH

WHICH IS NOT JUST ME YELLING ABOUT SPELLCHECK BY THE DUBS BUT THAT DOES FEATURE HEAVILY I CAN’T LIE

this is probably my rabbitest of holes

FIRST OF ALL - TRYING TO WRITE AMERICANS IS FUCKING TERRIBLE

i fell down an insane rabbit hole for time to kill, cos there was a bit where rio was telling himself to keep his eyes on the road and i was like...do...americans...say...road....in...this...context? my ear is trying to tell me street, i feel like theyre constantly talking about streets??? and then i found a forum about it that had 343435445456 posts on this topic and then i learnt about the difference btwn a street and a road and it was all going on!!!

or i’ll be trying to metaphor and then i’ll have to go learn something. like there’s some candle stuff in found my thrill which is basiiiiically the notion of burning a candle at both ends but i was trying to make it a bit more interesting and i was like yea yea i know how candles work you set them on fire that’s it. but then i was like DO I KNOW THOUGH, and i dont think i did. and then i went deeeeeep into learning about candles ooof

there’s definitely a lot of WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S NOT A WORD (and generally i am right, and spellcheck is wrong). definitely some AM I USING THIS WORD RIGHT???? a bizarrely high amount of how do you say x in english, considering english is the only language i speak. and sometimes i’ll be trying to find a word i can’t sieve outta my brain so i’ll try to thesaurus-ise it and i’ll just be like wtf are these weird words ive never heard of and go looking them up and be like...this means nothing similar to the ‘synonym’ (is it just me or are all online thesauruses terrible?! am i romanticising roget’s???!)

18. Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie?

i don’t think so but i’m not sure i know what a wip is

if we’re (charitably) saying that anything on my list of things i want to write is one, given that i recently reordered the list, i think broadly speaking the ones at the top are more likely to happen than the ones at the bottom.

of the like ‘actual’ wips i.e. have any written/published parts, i think any dirty dirty game follow ups are the least likely but i don’t think that makes them lies

of the one-shot concepts on the list, atm the abortion one doesnt feel like something i wanna write right now, but actually i do think it’ll be pretty funny, and also a lot of stuff up top of the list is veering crackier/fluffier so maybe i’ll be in the mood for angst sooner than i think!

the one second from the bottom of the list atm is a very unfleshed out beth pov of 209 post break up that i kinda talked myself into wanting to write bc of (a) time to kill. it’s a very very loose concept atm so idk that i will def write it, buttttt

it’s actually super weird whenever i finish writing something and take a break im initially like ooof exhausted no more of that. and then it’s like a bunch of drawers pop out of my head one by one and are like hey remember me! here’s where you got to with the ideas for THIS one sooooo yoooooooo, and i get a lil further on each one of them, and write nothing down and maybe forget it all so let’s see!

20. What’s your favourite part about the fanfiction writing process?

everything before and other than posting, ha ha. i mean i DO really like posting & sharing, but it’s definitely the most nerve-wracking part. creating, as it turns out, is very fun! whodathunk

ficcy asks

[shannygoatgruff]

My Brother’s Keeper - Chapter IV

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Characters: Modern Ivar X Modern Hvitserk

Rating: MA 18+

Overall Warning:  Dark story told from an emotionally distributed person’s POV with graphic and sadistic material including rape, terror, torture, kidnapping, drug use, slash, implied incest, necrophilia and insecurity. Heavy trigger warnings.  

Chapter Warning: This chapter contains graphic violence, homosexuality, rape and anal sex.  Heavy trigger warning.

Summary: Mama always said to be their brothers’ keeper. Now there is absolutely nothing these two won’t do for each other.  Boys will be boys…

(source: unknown)

A/N: Okay, so we’re about to start going down the rabbit hole of crazy.  I ask that you bear with me.  As these two continue to “party” it will become more graphic but I try to do it as tastefully as possible.  I promise you there is a method to my madness.  Don’t give up on me, just yet...

Chapter IV

The media lies so much.  They always say these horrible, hurtful things about us, like we are some perverted sex deviants that go around terrorizing the city. They don’t know us.  They don’t know anything about us.  I just think they’re mad that these dumb ass cops can’t do their fucking jobs and protect these citizens from the real bad guys, so they look for somebody to make out to be the villains.  Guess who gets stuck that those personas?  Me, and Ivar.

If you turn on any news station right now, they would be trying to convince you that I’m some sort of monstrous sexual predator and that Ivar is a sadistic animal. It's not like I'm the type to hide in a dark alley and use chloroform or some shit to knock somebody out, like some of the sick fucks I've read about. I don't prey on people or force them to do anything they don't want to do. They always give me permission for whatever I'm up for when they agree to leave with us. 

Just like Ivar isn't anything like how they try to make him out to be.  He doesn't snatch people off the street or drive around with a trunk full of medieval torture devices or any of that bullshit. We're nothing like those sickos you hear about that have 15 bodies buried in their backyards or watch on those Netflix documentaries.  Those people are fucking crazy.  We’re not.

We’re just two regular guys, who happen to have a hobby. It’s like stamp collecting almost.  Nobody would say shit if we did all kinds of extensive research to find that one piece to add to our collection.  They’d think it was fucking awesome that we were so dedicated to rare and beautiful stamps.  Well, this isn’t much different; instead of fucking stamps, it’s people.  We don't select just anybody. A lot goes into picking the perfect person that's lucky enough to be invited to one of our parties.  

We gotta do a lot of waiting and watching.  And it’s not like we have a type, either. It doesn't matter what our company looks like or what color eyes or hair they have. We’ve never given a shit about race, or body type.  We don't have a sick fascination with strawberry blondes with green eyes or hate women in general. With us, it's all about the attitude, like a vibe. I can't really describe what it is we look for. We've been doing this long enough that I can spot what we need when I see it.  Sometimes it takes all night.  Some nights we go home empty-handed.  

And some nights, like tonight, it’s right in front of me.

They've turned the lights out on the dance floor so only the blue and red strobe lights show the crowd. It doesn't matter; from the lights of the bar, I can still see everything. And I don't care that the music is so loud that I can't hear myself think. I've already spotted the one and I don't even notice the music anymore.

My eyes haven't strayed from the body dancing on the speaker stack. Dirty blonde hair, slight frame, and a toned body swaying to the music…this one is beautiful. Their energy is almost palpable.  

For over an hour everyone who approaches has been turned down. I know, I've been watching. We're going to have to do this one right. One wrong move and we may be sitting at this club all night waiting for someone else suitable to come along. That won't do. I have my heart set on this and anything else will not quench this thirst.

Ivar and I haven't spoken about the blonde, we don't have to. I can see through the thin layer of smoke from the fog machine that his eyes are fixed on the dancing body, too. He's thinking what I'm thinking; we're usually on the same page about these things. My hand reaching over to pick up my vape is what pulls Ivar's gaze from the dance floor to my face. He looks at me with intense eyes and I simply nod my head.

I usually scope them out, but he's the one that always approaches. Ivar has a knack for talking to people. It’s part of his charm.  He can make the most uptight person feel at ease with just a smile. Me?  I’m pretty shy.  When I get nervous I either seem to ask a lot of questions, or I don’t talk at all. I guess some people consider that a turn off. It doesn’t upset me, though.  

If it takes Ivar being the Cult of Personality to get what we need, that's fine. We still get them, so I don't have anything to complain about.  Especially, not with this one – we can’t afford any mistakes. 

I watch in giddy anticipation as Ivar makes his way to the dance floor to make contact.

The wetness from the sweating tumbler in my hand seems to send a calming chill through my entire body. The gnawing in my stomach makes me feel like my whole body is about to ignite. It's only been four days since we were out last, but I swear it feels like an eternity. I think it's so bad tonight because I don't fully remember the last time. I don't have all of the memories that I need to keep me settled and stop the itching in my blood. 

I feel like a vampire right now; like I need to feed. God, I hope Ivar doesn't fuck this one up.

I feel myself biting on the metal tip of my vape to keep my anticipation at bay. I let my eyes fix on the small body next to Ivar's as they make their way back to our table. Ivar takes a seat and so does the blonde. I won't say anything, not yet. I'll get to talk after when we go back to the warehouse. When Ivar leaves to get his head together, that's when I'll have all the conversation I need.

"You want a drink?" Ivar leans over toward the blonde with an arm casually resting on the back of our new friend’s chair. The smile on his face is electrifying. He's so damn beautiful and he knows it. I swear, if I looked like him and had half of his confidence, I’d be a dangerous man. 

Shaking his head, the blonde smiles back. "I don't remember seeing you here before." He's such a pretty young man, somewhere between me and Ivar’s ages.  His face is soft, almost like a girl's and his messy hair cut reminds me of how I wore my hair a few years ago. His dark blonde waves are sticking to his scalp and face, in some places with sweat and curling haphazardly around his head in others.  I have to stop myself from reaching out and touching a strand of it because I don't want to scare him off. Especially not since I owe Ivar for last night and I want him so badly for myself.

This vape isn’t cutting it.  I’m so excited that I need a real cigarette to calm myself down. I easily slide my hand onto the table to pick up my pack, trying my best not to break the trance that Ivar has this beautiful boy in.  Their connection is so strong, I don’t even think he realizes I’m still sitting here.  

When I feel in the pocket of my jeans for a lighter, I don’t feel it. I don’t know why I look around the club like it’s going to magically appear. But I do, I continue to look around as I feel my hands start to rub my chest as if I have pockets in my shirt that my lighter might be in. 

Then I notice the blonde’s slow dramatic blink as he reaches across the table and hands me his lighter. 

It’s as if he’s in tune with my every want and need.  He’s toying with me.  Oh, he’s definitely the one and Ivar sees it, too.  We don’t even have to ask, this kid fucking wants it.  This fucking guy is sitting here practically begging for it and we’re going to give it to him.

"I've never been here before." Ivar smiles coyly redirecting the blonde's attention away from my shy smile and the blush creeping up my neck. He's getting excited. I always know when Ivar is about to make his move because he drums his fingers in haphazard rhythms.

I’m too stunned to move.  Fuck this cigarette. I want to watch my brother work his magic.

The blonde smiles, like this is a game to him. He has no idea how he's about to be played. He thinks he's flirting with Ivar; driving him crazy. Little does he know, you don’t flirt with Ivar.  Ivar is the one that’s always in control.  "No? Never? This is your first time?"

Batting his long lashes over his hungry eyes, Ivar nods slowly.  He leans into the blonde to touch an errant curl on his head, "I'm a virgin."  He bites his lip and the blush on the blonde's cheeks is all Ivar needs. He's permitting us to take him. "You wanna get outta here?" Ivar cuts to the chase with this one. He usually plays around with them more. 

With us, it's not about taking anyone. We always invite our guests. If they decline the invitation, we wait until we find another one. But if they accept, then they're accepting of everything we want. 

And this poor boy just nodded.

Without saying anything, I pick up my vape and cigarettes from the table. It wasn't conveyed, but it's a given that I'm going with them. He understood that when he handed me his lighter. He wants both of us and we both want him. 

I make sure to walk behind them as we make our way through the club, so I can watch the way the blonde's hips sway. This is going to be so much fun. Not even the ringing in my ears from leaving the noisy club to the now quiet street is enough to make me concentrate on anything else but showing our new friend the best time. 

It's only a few feet to the car before the party begins. I'm so excited that I have to stuff my hands in my pockets because if I could grab him now and do what I wanted, I would. Ivar notices the way I'm trying to get control of myself and after he lets the blonde into the front seat, he pulls me aside and strokes my hair. "It's okay, baby. He's ours."  He places a gentle kiss on my forehead before opening the rear door for me to get in.

Nodding my head, I let out a deep breath. I love the anticipation...this feeling of euphoria. It's like knowing the hunger is growing in just a matter of hours I'm going to get to feast until it's sated. "I know." I try to keep myself from smiling, but I can't. I'm giddy with the prospect of the things I can do to him. I want it so badly my dick is already hard.

I watch from the back seat as Ivar closes his door behind him and without any thought, to it, my hand starts to pull at my zipper. Ivar's hand reaches out to stroke the shiny hair on the blonde's head and I let out the laugh I've been holding in. By the time Ivar slams the boy's head into the dashboard, I'm already stroking my cock. The blonde doesn't say anything else, he's knocked out I think, but I can see Ivar wiping the blood on the boy's shirt before he reaches over to buckle him in. We can't take any chances of him getting hurt in an accident or the police stopping us for a seat-belt violation. We're also so careful and we take good care of our company.

"Lock your door, Serk." Ivar's voice is calm and soothing and momentarily pulls me out of the feeling of my hand stroking myself. He turns around to look at me and shakes his head with a bemused smile. "Let's go have some fun."

The sound of dripping water is what I have to concentrate on so I don't have to listen to him scream. I love to watch Ivar work. He's so good at it and enjoys himself so much. There is nothing more beautiful to me than to see him smile, but I hate it when they scream. And because he won’t shut the fuck up, I have to miss out on all the things Ivar is doing to him and that electrifying smile that’s probably on his face right now.

These fucking people always want to come, they always want to party, but when they get here they want to fucking ruin it by screaming. It doesn't work that way. They need to make up their fucking minds. They either want to party or they don't. There is no in-between. They don't get to decide in the middle of it that they're not into it anymore. What the fuck do they think this is?

I had to get out of that room. His fucking screaming was driving me crazy. Tying him up had been the easy part because he at least then he was unconscious. I didn't even mind waiting for him to come to; at least he was quiet. Even though I do wish he had woken up sooner.  While Ivar was gone we could've had a conversation or maybe had a smoke together. But the kid just wanted to sleep. He was so fucking boring.

I just sat next to the table that he was tied up to watching his chest rise and fall and the blood slowly dripping from nose.  I played with his hair, too.  It’s beautiful – so thick and wavy, and it smells amazing.  I wish my hair felt like his.  I have to remember to take some of it. I think on the days that hunger starts to get to me, if I can rub his hair and sniff it, I might be able to hold it off a bit longer.

My eyes travel from the puddle on the floor up to the leaky pipe on the wall.  I wonder how long the water has been dripping. 

Apparently, it’s been long enough tp slowly start eating the concrete away. Why don’t people take care of their buildings?  They spend so much money to construct them and then companies pay so much money to rent them.  You’d think someone would take care of these places, but instead, they just leave them to go to shit.  The city needs to do something about this. I guess this place one time housed tires because it still smells like rubber and there are still some carotid hubcaps piled in the corner. 

I wonder why it closed. The building itself is still structurally sound, besides the fact that there are no lights and there's a bunch of rusty metal in here, it's not that bad.  A perfectly good building being left to ruin, where any sick perverted fuck could do God knows what to someone in.  The world is a sick fucking place.

"Hvitserk?" I don't want to go back to that room. That fucking guy is still screaming. I mean after a while I would think he'd learn that Ivar doesn't care that he's hurting him. I mean, aren’t your senses supposed to shut off or dull after a while or something? Isn't that what makes some people pass out from pain? The cheese grater can't hurt that bad if he's still conscious and alert enough to scream about it.

I don't like really blood and I know he's leaking a shit ton of it right now. Of course, this would be the time that Ivar decides that I get him, once he's already extra bloody. Blood is really, really red and it’s hard to wash out.  Plus, I swear, I always smell it on my hands for days no matter how many showers I take. "Can you shut him up?" I step into the room and no matter how much he's bleeding and looks warn out, my dick is still rock hard.

Ivar nods and in one quick motion, he punctures the boy's jugular with the corkscrew he pulls from his bag. He doesn't push into his neck deep enough to kill him right away, but it's deep enough to start the blood flowing. The gurgling doesn't bother me, it's the fucking wheezing I can't deal with. I think Ivar sees the irritation on my face because he frowns. "He's ready for you, brother."

I notice how the pumping blood from his neck collects with his blood that had already pooled on the floor. There’s so much red.  Still, my approach to him is swift because I want him to still be warm and to see my face and notice me before he dies. 

I think I like them best that way. I love it when they're still alive because they really get into it. The way they kick their legs, scratch, and bite…I know they're enjoying it as much as I am – but not when they still make noise. 

This way, the way Ivar just did it, they're quiet and their eyes look right at me. They can actively participate and give me the silence that I need to concentrate on. Plus, I'm the last thing they see before they die and once they're dead, I can do whatever I want.  It’s so beautiful.  So intimate. 

This silent friend is the gift my little brother gave to me.  He loves me so much. He’s always looking out for me. I am going to make him so proud.

And this one...this guy is exceptionally beautiful. The look of sheer terror on his face gets me so hard that all I can do is push into him without noticing his blood smearing on my thighs. His eyes are growing gray and cloudy but he still knows what I'm doing and that I’m the one doing it to him. "Please?" I hear his faint whisper and it makes something in me grow warm. I fist his hair and slam his head back on the table. I keep doing it until he shuts up.

Ivar's laughing in the background. This is the part he loves the most. He loves to watch me fuck them. I can hear him grunting behind me and when I turn to look at him, he's pumping his cock in his hand. Watching him get himself off, and the feeling of this twink around me...this is bliss.  I will never understand why Ivar doesn't want to try this. "Fuck him hard," his voice is a harsh growl as his hand pumps harder.  His voice feels like fingertips grabbing my shoulders forcing me deeper and deeper.  

The blonde's eyes are completely lifeless now. They're staring straight at me and for some reason, I can't stop laughing. He's so fucking tight. I know I have to finish soon before his muscles stop contracting. If he shits on my dick I swear I will cut his ass up into little pieces.

There it is. The moment I've been waiting for. That final gasp of air - his realization that he's dead... that's the money shot. I don't think I can stop cumming. I hear a growl that sounds almost desperate and I can only assume it's from me. I toss the table over with the blonde still attached to it. I don't need to look at him anymore. I got what I needed. My blood is finally settled.

Ivar's hand on my shoulder is what makes me realize I'm panting and I have to wipe the spittle off my chin. “You have fun?”  He asks, as he moves my sweat-soaked hair off my face and tucks the strands behind my ear.  

I can’t talk yet. I have still need to catch my breath.  All I can do is rest my forehead against his and feel his love for me as I try to transfer my love for him back that way.  Ivar holds my face in his hands and kisses my nose, before he pulls away and looks around the room.

As I fasten my pants think about how it’s time to clean up, only I don't feel like doing it now. I want to go home and crawl into bed. I'm exhausted. It's been a long night. Ivar must know how I'm feeling because he doesn't say anything to me like he normally does. Instead, he pours gasoline on the floor and table and points to the lighter in my pocket with a smile. 

Once I light the blood-soaked dirty blonde locks on the dead man lying there, I look back at Ivar pouring two plastic cups of wine from his bag. He hands me a cup and we toast. "You ready to go?"

I love the way the fumes look while sipping on my drink. Everything looks wavy and there's a hint of blue and yellow dancing in the air. The smell is heavenly and it reminds me that we haven't had dinner. "Yeah. Can we stop by Burger King?"

Sated, full, and now showered, I lay on my bed and close my eyes. I had so much fun tonight and I know I will sleep peacefully. I look over at my cell phone lighting up on the night table and smile. "Hey, Thora.” Just hearing her voice and knowing that she's alright is the perfect ending to a perfect day.

Ivar's happy. I feel normal again. Thora's safe.  

Life is good.

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[dyk3bait]

i’ve played the sims since 2007. its been a huge creative outlet for me and a way to work through different thoughts and feelings i’ve had for over half my life. i thought itd be fun to look at some of the different content i’ve made over the years and talk a lil about how much its changed and how much ive changed in conjunction with that

theres no way this isnt gonna be super dam long, srry in advance

2010-2011

i was 12-13 and had been playing sims for about 3 years. i watched a lot of teen drama sims series that made me wanna get into video editing. once ts3 came out, i made a channel with my childhood friend and we’d stay up til like 3 AM making ts3 music videos. i was an emo binch so it was all like cringey vampire stuff. my biggest inspo in this period was probably jaydee227′s badass music videos and noojim’s Life of Rose series that still slaps to this day

2012-2013

2012 was a big year in that i figured out how to torrent sony vegas and every second of my free time was spent editings MEPs (multi editor project) i tried to make some sims series but hardly ever got past episode 1 each time. it was a fun year tho, full of content i’m still kinda proud of.

my biggest inspo was 3WordsArentEnough’s Stealing Heaven and Foreverloudx’s Seeking Harmony (he once commented on one of my videos and i was so excited i cried)

2013-2014

ok so cringe alert: i first joined tumblr in 2013. and it became my whole life; i was quoting the jokes, i was watching all the fandom show, i even read homestuck, just to put the icing on the cringe cake. i hadn’t done anything i was rlly passionate about in a while and was starting to get the lonely teen blues, so i needed a project. i made this rlly elaborate plan for a sims series about a girl travelling the world to meet all her tumblr friends. planning sucked up all 2013, and i never got past editing the intro.

2015

by 2015, i hadn’t done anything with sims for a while, and it really bothered me that something i cared so much about was just becoming a part of my distant past. i decided that the issue was i was trying too hard to emulate other ppl’s creations, so i decided to make something i wanted to make, unlike anything else ive seen. i planned it out for months, writing a complex world with detailed lore. and i still didn’t get past editing the intro.

BUT!! i did learn something important that is main reason why im still a part of the sims community today; sims is fuckin limitless, man. all the content that i’ve been wanting to see in traditional media but knew would never happen, i could just CREATE. this project rlly helped me through the feelings of nihilism, feeling like a burden, and internalized homophobia that i was feeling at the time, and i still think about it a lot.

2016

in 2016, i started a private sim story blog, where i’d write sims stories without the pressures of an audience. i wrote two stories there, one about a failing college campus tv show and another about a vampire throuple raising a 200-year old agender vamp kid together. i’m rlly proud of them and i still go back every few months to re-read them, if not just for the lines above.

2018

once i gained a lil confidence with photo-editing, i decided to just peep a lil into simblr and see if i could make a couple friends. i didn’t expect it to become such a big part of my life, but it v quickly did. i met some amazing people, started making cc, and just lived my dam best life. i think i started taking it way too seriously tho and it just became p stressful. i also missed creating content for just myself, so i decided to delete. i dont rlly regret that tbh, but i dont regret all the fun experiences i had on there either!

after about a half a year break, i started getting into editing CAS screenies again. then i started collecting pics of stuff i wanted to make into CC. coming back on a new blog seemed like a good idea, tho i decided that i would just make it a hobby this time around, and wouldn’t guilt myself for taking breaks when i want to.

so that brings me to now! lots has changed over the years, but sims has been a nice constant in my life. not sure what the 2020′s r gonna hold, but im glad to be able to have a creative outlet i can use like this!!