#ive done literally all i can to it lmao this is absolutely its final form

[imaginethathaikyuu]

forever in one night. 

miya atsumu - word count: 5877

still not accepting requests for the miya twins. don’t send them. they will be deleted. 

disclaimer: this is my first time writing for atsumu, and please note that i ended up writing him far cooler than he actually is, simply for the narrative’s sake. honestly, i think i could have done a better job at capturing his character and who he is, and i know that in canon/fanon, he is a lot dorkier and very often lamer than i’ve written him; pls look over it a little bit. of course, i would love any feedback you have. thank you. 

* nsfw below featuring: dirty talk, blow jobs, “casual” sex, mentions of one night stands, mentions of atsumu’s previous relationships, friends to lovers, atsumu being really bad at feelings

-

Dry hands. 

That’s the first thing you noticed when Miya Atsumu put your face between his palms: just how abrasive the pads of his thumbs were. 

He saw your small flinch. It should have been his cue to back off. He didn’t. Instead, he hummed your name in a way he hoped you’d like, and pulled your face closer to his. 

“Tell me, how long have you wanted me?” 

“Since I realized I didn’t have a chance with Osamu.” 

He laughed. His nose scrunched up and there was a crinkle in the corner of his eyes. It was cute, but for some reason it didn’t look real. None of the smiles he gave you ever did. “Ouch.” One of his hands fell from your face, taking place on your knee instead. 

Even in this intimate setting, the man in front of you was daunting. You expected that, though. That’s what made you interested in him years ago. He didn’t drop that intimidating gaze for anything - he didn’t let his guard down for even a second. 

It made you wonder how many times he’d done this if he was so confident and ready, if he didn’t mind faking laughs and touching you wherever he pleased, if he had his walls built before you had a chance to get so much as a peak over them.

“A while, then?” 

You shrugged.  

“Don’t be shy, I know you aren’t shy.” He ran his fingers through your hair; you scooted even closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. He smelled warm. “Tell me,” he was whispering, “how long have you wanted me, princess?” 

He looked down and watched as you bit your lip. He had a feeling you’d like the nickname. 

“Probably not as long as you think,” you replied. It was honest. “I really did have a crush on your brother.” 

“When?” Atsumu asked with a playful scoff. You shook your head. 

“In middle school…” 

You eyed the expanse of his neck, the sharp curve of his jawline, the freckle underneath his chin, the prominence of his Adam’s apple - you wanted to kiss every inch. To remember every detail. 

“Until our second year of high school, I guess.” 

No one had ever told him that they liked his brother first, but Atsumu wasn’t surprised. Osamu probably would have been a better fit for you. At the same time, however, you were a better fit for Atsumu - it’s no wonder his twin never showed interest. 

Atsumu still felt a sense of pride in getting the girl, even though his brother couldn’t care less. 

And it’s not like he had you. This wasn’t going to be anything more than a typical one night stand, and whether you knew that or not was none of his concern. 

“Your honesty is cute,” he told you. “So you’ve liked me since our third year, Y/N? That’s a long time of pining.” 

“No,” was your short reply, and you left it at that because you didn’t feel like being honest with him anymore. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted to see if he’d let you leave a few marks with your mouth. You wanted to savor this moment of faux intimacy, feeling like you were his and he was yours, being in his arms and smelling his cologne and seeing him so up close, because you knew this wouldn’t last forever. It’d probably go by too fast.

So you let yourself kiss his neck. And you were too happy when he didn’t push you away. His chest seemed to deflate with a long exhale, and you hoped that was a good sign rather than a show of annoyance. 

It was neither. Atsumu was purely along for the ride. You just hadn’t noticed that the control you currently had was given and temporary. 

He planned on taking it back after just a few kisses, but he hadn’t expected it to feel so nice; your lips were soft and gentle and kind, you were kissing him on all the places he liked to be kissed - places others had rarely taken the time to show attention to. 

He closed his eyes and let himself enjoy it even though he knew he shouldn’t. And he thought about the short date he had taken you on - not even an hour ago the two of you were sat in a cafe. Of course he was eyeing you up the entire time, and of course you noticed but didn’t care. 

You had been waiting far too long to be on that end of Atsumu’s gaze. Years of watching him flirt with everyone but you made you hungry for it, and Atsumu liked that. He liked knowing that you wanted him. 

And he wanted you, too. He really did. He liked you a lot. It was a shame, though, that this would likely be over before it even started. Before he even had a chance to get you. 

But he’d let you get a taste of him. And maybe, if you were able to handle that, then… 

Before he could even realize, you had slid your leg across his lap and were well on your way to sucking a good sized bruise into the side of his neck. 

“Well aren’t you brave.” 

And then you bit down, holy shit - with all of his experience holding the moan and keeping his cool, right now he couldn’t stay quiet if he tried. “F-Fuck, Y/N,” and the sound made your hips jolt forward. 

You had managed to find Atsumu’s one weakness very quickly - most of his partners never get the chance. Knowing you, he should’ve seen it coming. 

“You’re feisty, aren’t you?” His next words came to him as if they were a light turning on, a heavenly gate opening, a pants zipper coming undone. “What about putting that mouth to even better use, hm?” 

You pulled back from him to nod, but it wasn’t good enough for him. He took your chin in his hand and tapped your bottom lip with his thumb - he was completely enamored by your mouth. He couldn’t remember the last time he wanted someone’s lips around him so badly.  

“You want me?” 

Another nod. He was getting frustrated. 

“Say it, tell me,” he said. “Do you want my cock in your mouth, princess?” 

He’d said those exact words so many times that right now he felt like he was reading from a script. And for some reason, he really regretted saying something so generic to you. 

But your eagerness lifted his spirits. “I do,” you told him, “Please, ‘Tsumu…” 

Even though any other time he hated hearing that nickname in bed - or his name at all, for that matter - he’d let you get away with it, because you were familiar. For some reason, it felt right. You were close. You had always been. A neighbor, a classmate, a friend - now, a date. So he’d give you more leniency than he would with anyone else. 

He’d let you say his name, kiss him, leave a hickey, because he felt that was the decent thing to do. It wasn’t because he wanted to hear it, feel it, have it. It was because he knew you more than he knew his other frivolous partners, and he had an innocent soft spot for you. Innocent.

That’s what he’d been telling himself for awhile. Every time his late night thoughts drifted to you, every time he was embarrassed to be caught staring, every time he wished for this very moment. His feelings were innocent and trivial and barely there. 

The man was a professional at lying to himself. 

“Let’s go to my room, then.” 

You stood up and led the way because you didn’t need him to take you there. You already knew where his bedroom was in this small apartment after you had been here countless times - never doing this, but always kind of wanting to be. 

“You cleaned your room!” you said, absolutely delighted. 

“You expected me to bring a date into a dirty bedroom?” 

“I don’t know what I expected from you,” you replied, and he had to admit that you had a point. “I kind of got used to seeing your underwear on the ground and dishes on your nightstand.”  

“You’re right,” he chuckled, “you already know the real me. There was no sense in cleaning, then, was there?” 

“Yes, Atsumu. There was.” 

“You’re supposed to be puttin’ that mouth to better use,” he grumbled, hands on his hips, attempting to size you up. All it did was make you laugh. 

Without thinking you said, “Your accent is so cute,” and before you could stop yourself you put your hands on his cheeks - the same way he had done to you earlier - and pulled his face close to yours, giving him the sloppiest pecks on the lips just because you felt like you could. 

And he let you, but he wasn’t patient, even though he enjoyed the affection. He wasn’t necessarily reciprocating but you didn’t notice, and you made it quick, so he didn’t have to complain. 

He pulled back, examined your face, and ignored the feeling he got in his chest when you matched his eye contact. Then, he tapped your lip with his thumb again, and thought up another overused line. 

“Get on your knees, princess.” 

Not all of his lines are grand - sometimes he just had to get to the point. 

Yet again, something felt off. 

You fell to your knees, of course. You were more than ready to do this for him. Atsumu was almost proud of you for it. He brushed your hair out of your eyes and recalled what his next words were meant to be. 

“I’m not going to be gentle,” he said, and for some reason he couldn’t look you in the eyes when he did. His confidence seemed to disintegrate and he didn’t know why. “I… I’m just warning you, because, you know - you might not… be able to handle it.” 

Why was he saying all of this to you? His words weren’t hot, and it’s not like he’d been planning to treat you rough, but what else was he supposed to do? He wasn’t going to be tender and loving - this wasn’t supposed to mean anything. So why the hell did he feel so awkward when he was meant to look cool?

This is going to go just like it always does. Atsumu would be too much for you, because he was too much for everyone. But you’d give it your best shot until he was finished, and then he’d drive you home, wouldn’t let himself give you a goodbye kiss, and tomorrow he wouldn’t text you back. 

Rinse and repeat. 

All he needed was that reminder. 

“Do you think you can handle it, princess?” 

But god was it hard to look down at you and not completely falter in his intentions. 

You nodded, absolutely ready and hardly taking him seriously. “I think I can,” you said, giggling. 

“I can go easy on you if you need me to.”

“No,” you replied. “I want everything you can give.” 

Those words took his breath because he knew you meant them. 

“Then I’ll give you everything.” He wanted to bite his tongue, hold those words back, but he couldn’t. He was being just as honest as you were, and he was tired of saying things he didn’t mean. 

He heard his zipper coming undone. “Everything?” 

“Everything.” He was watching you with a keen eye, absolutely loving the view of you on your knees for him. The few dreams he’d had back in high school about doing this were unexpectedly coming true. “You have my word. As long as you show me you can take it, darling.” 

You yanked at his tight jeans and he laughed at your effort, then shimmied out of them so you didn’t have to work so hard. He slipped his shirt off quickly as well. 

You had to force your next words through the lump in your throat as you eyed the outline of his girth covered by his tight underwear. “I’ll do my best,” and your voice had lost its confident edge because you were done forcing it. 

Atsumu spoke low, “I know you will.” His hand slid onto your jaw, his fingers curled into your hair. With that hand he pulled your face against his thigh, and now the tip of your nose was just grazing his bulge. “Give me your best efforts, sweetheart.” 

He had a tight grip on your face and you knew his free hand was raring to take hold of your hair. And as your hands slid up the muscle of his thighs, as your fingers teased the skin beneath the underwear hems, as you pressed your face into his stiffness in a show of desperation, something in the room shifted. 

He was looking at you differently. You could see it. He wasn’t eyeing you up out of curiosity like at the cafe, and he wasn’t trying his hardest to give you a flirtatious gaze anymore; he was just watching you. Really watching. Simply because he wanted to be looking at you.

You pressed into him even harder; to Atsumu, it literally looked like you were nuzzling into his cock. He pulled you even closer. 

“So cute.” The words just slipped out. Maybe they weren’t the best, but he was hardly thinking. And as you pulled his underwear down his legs, the rest of his thoughts seemed to land on the ground with the fabric. 

Atsumu was more impatient than he usually was. As you took your sweet time he felt like he would go crazy. But he didn’t know that you were going slowly on purpose - not to tease, but because you needed a few seconds to remind yourself this was real. 

And you looked at him. His thighs were gorgeously sculpted and his hips were perfectly prominent and you still wanted to kiss every single inch of him: the place below his belly button, the smooth skin at the top of his legs, his inner thighs, the small scar above his knee. Because he deserved it. Because he was perfect in the funny way you always knew Atsumu to be. Because you just wanted to. 

Above you, he was getting restless. You didn’t care. You kissed him anyway. 

“You look nice,” you said with your lips against his lower stomach, and he wondered what you meant. Usually girls made simple comments about the places he always pulled their mouths to before they could say too much. Or they said nothing at all. That was usually his preference. 

“Stop teasing.” 

You looked up at him. “I wasn’t teasing. I meant it.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” He had to pick his resolve up off the floor because this was going too far off script. “You aren’t doing what you were told to do, princess.” 

“Oh. Yeah.” 

“You still want to, don’t you?” 

“I do,” you said before licking your lips. 

“Good,” he replied. He pulled on your jaw - you got the hint to open your mouth. With his other hand, he guided his length to your lips. “I’ve been dying to see my cock between these lips all night.” 

When he finally got to see that sight, the way it made him feel confirmed that this would be over far too soon, but the rest of the night would be long lasting. 

You were eager and Atsumu thought it was cute. You tried your best right from the start, didn’t even try building yourself up, but he wanted you to take your time. It may help him last a bit longer. 

“Look up at me, princess.” 

But this view wouldn’t - with your eyes wide and your mouth full of his cock, you looked up at him with a confidence you weren’t even aware of but Atsumu could see. He loved it. His hips jerked once, then again, and on that second thrust he felt his dick slide in deep - it made him gasp and try it again, but you pushed his hips back when you gagged. 

He was feeling cocky when he said, “Can’t you handle me, princess?”  

“‘Tsumu…” 

“Ah-ah,” he tutted. “None of that, no whining. Tell me. You can’t handle this, can you?” 

You didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want to give him the benefit of being right, didn’t want to make him regret this. You wanted to give yourself to him. If that meant pushing yourself and stretching your limits thin, then you would do it. 

You would make yourself his. 

“I can,” you said. The tears that poured from your eyes defied you. You clawed at his hips, desperate and sad. “Please, ‘Tsumu, let me. I want you so bad…” 

Atsumu supposed he should’ve gotten a kick out of this. Usually, he did. A beautiful girl brought to the point of tears begging for him should have gotten him even more excited. That was usually his goal. 

This time, he felt guilt. 

He ignored it. 

“Okay.” He swallowed hard. “See if you can…” 

His words trailed off as you tried again, perilously attempting to take all of him into your mouth and down your throat. You weren’t doing any better than before, but Atsumu didn’t find himself caring. 

“What a pretty sight,” he mumbled, and then you looked up at him with those glossy eyes and once again, he was a goner. 

You watched his resolve fall apart. The stoic mask he’d been wearing all night was crumbling, and underneath was Atsumu in all of his gorgeous glory. Eyes squeezed shut, blonde hair hanging in his face, mouth fallen agape, moans leaving his throat coming straight from his chest. And it only made you push yourself even more - this is all you’ve wanted and you were getting it. His fake smiles, teasing words, snarky attitude were all gone, all because of you. 

He gripped your jaw harder. You held his hand in place there. 

“That’s it,” he said as you let his cock slide even deeper, “That’s my good fucking girl.” He moaned loud as you let him fuck your throat, as your lips reached his base, as you choked on his thick length. 

He felt himself teasing the edge and that’s all he could focus on. He couldn’t see the tears pouring from your eyes. He didn’t hear your strained noises around him. He couldn’t feel how tightly you were gripping his hand. All he wanted was to cum in your mouth and down your throat. Any second now, you were going to get him there. 

“So fucking good,” he moaned - he didn’t even realize he was saying it out loud. “Your mouth is fucking - goddammit - it’s so fucking good,” and he couldn’t believe how much he meant those words, he couldn’t believe how good you were making him feel.

He was moaning and cursing and so close to cumming; you were hoping that this was enough for him. 

It was more than enough. You had given him more that he’d ever had. His hips didn’t still, there wasn’t a single falter in his movements. His moans getting louder was the only warning he gave you before you felt his eruption shoot down your throat. And it was hot - it really reminded you of a volcano erupting, and you focused on that absurd thought to get you through it, because the last thing you wanted to do was fall apart when he needed you to stay together. If you stopped now, this entire thing will have been for nothing, and you had to show him that you could handle him. Anything he had, anything he’d give, you could take it and then some. 

You felt your throat tighten, threatening a nasty gag, and you held on for as long as you could before your body took over. Atsumu was already pulling away but you pushed his hips to force his length out of your mouth and the coughing started, tears streaming down your face, and you watched your control shatter. 

Atsumu hated hearing it. It made it hard to feel good about what just happened. 

You heard him walking away and your heart sank. 

You were only trying to find your composure, but it didn’t change the fact that you couldn’t manage to hold yourself together for him. 

That was it. Were you really that bad? He wasn’t even going to help you up off the floor? 

Maybe he was too much for you and you weren’t enough for him. You knew Atsumu’s standards were high, they always had been, but you tried your best and hoped you would be enough. Maybe you weren’t.  

You weren’t expecting him to come back. He sank down in front of you and grabbed your face, pushing your hands away, then brought a warm damp cloth to your skin. 

You were confused, to say the least. “I’m sorry -” 

“Someone made a mess of herself,” he said with a smirk, doing his best to ignore the feeling in his stomach and the words you were trying to say. Pretending to be cool because it was the only thing that would keep him sane. “But I have to say, princess, you do look beautiful with my cum dripping from your mouth…” 

You were flustered all over again. “Atsumu…”

“I’m only being honest.” He wiped your face clean; tear stains were kissed away and the evidence of what you’d done was erased from your mouth. “What do you say I return the favor?” His tone was lacking its usual edge. His voice sounded softer - gentle, even. 

“You want to?” 

“Yeah, of course,” he replied. Pretend to be cool. “It’s only fair.” Another line from his script, but one he meant. “What, you weren’t expecting me to get you off?” 

“I don’t know what I was expecting.” 

“I know,” he replied, not even knowing why he said it. 

He supposed he’d made his decision for how this would go. 

“Wanna go lie down?” 

“Only if you’re coming with me.” 

He took your hand and helped you up. “Cumming with you sounds lovely.” 

You hid your eye roll as you turned away from him, but of course you agreed with what he said. 

“Just lie down,” he told you, following behind you to his bed. You sat and he pushed you softly, offering some encouragement. You fell back easily and he quickly followed. “I’ll take care of you, Y/N. Promise.” 

You got a head start by unbuttoning your top for him, and you hoped he could tell that you were ready to move this along. He watched you pull your shirt off, leaving you scantily clad and a sight for his sore eyes. 

He dipped his head down to kiss you, wanting this to go smoothly, and kissing you was natural and easy. It was one thing he didn’t have to think about doing, and he was done thinking so much tonight. 

You continued blindly stripping as he gave you lazy kisses, and he pulled away to watch your bra fall to the bed. And you made him lose his breath. 

“You’re so pretty,” he said honestly, kissing your jaw and pulling you closer. His hands moved up and down the expanse of your waist. Your skin was soft and warm and he loved touching you in these places he’d never seen before. 

Before he could trap you underneath his hips, you tugged your skirt down. Atsumu didn’t help at all, he was too focused on kissing your chest, but you got it off. 

“‘Tsumu, just put it in.”

“Already?” 

“Don’t you want to?” He raised a brow at you, and you lifted your hips up to feel for what you were suspicious of. “You’re already so hard again. I want you just as bad, Atsumu, so please…” 

Everything he did following your words was pure instinct. Your underwear was pulled off in seconds and then he was lining himself up, with your help, to position his length at your entrance; he was inside of you before you could even think about asking for it again. 

And Atsumu felt you on every part of himself. He felt like he had been devoured, either by you or by his feelings for you, and for the first time ever he felt happy to feel this way.

He was going to lose himself in you - he knew that. Hell, maybe he already had. But he was okay with it and he was admitting it to himself now.

Being with you made him feel so much, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He’d just keep fucking you, taking you as well as he knew how, and let himself feel however he wanted, because not holding back made this worlds better.

Atsumu very rarely kissed with purpose. Kisses were only ever a means to an end - the only times he shared a kiss with someone was when it was initiated by them or when he needed an excuse to shut them up and get things started. But hovering over you, watching your pretty face contoured with pleasure and looking up at only him, he couldn’t stop himself from kissing you. His lips seemed to fall onto yours on their own. 

You moaned into his mouth and his eyes rolled back because a kiss had never felt so good. He brought a hand down to your face, his thumb ran along your cheekbone, touching you so gently you thought you’d be brought to tears. 

As his lips molded to yours, the movement of his hips slowed. Your legs wrapped around him, pulled him into you and held him there, and he was trying to rock into you hard. 

You pulled your lips free just so you could moan his name and Atsumu was in heaven. 

“God, fuck,” he moaned - his voice was ragged and thick, “say my name again, baby, please.”  

If you weren’t in such a daze you would have said something to tease him - if Atsumu wasn’t so blissed out, he would have just made you say it rather than tell you to, but neither of you were thinking that clearly. Unlike usual, he wasn’t thinking two steps ahead. And you were so lost in the moment that you had stopped reminding yourself to savor it. 

So you moaned his name again, because you’d have done anything he asked. Atsumu so desperately needed to clear his mind and get a hold of himself but it felt way too good to be out of control for once - at this point he wasn’t sure if either of you were controlling this, but he really hoped that you were lost at sea with him.  

All he knew was that he loved the way his name sounded when it was coming from your lips; he wanted to hear it so badly that he’d push his new need for having your lips on his to the back of his mind. 

It was only then that he remembered what this was supposed to be. 

A one night stand. A quick fuck. This wasn’t supposed to matter - not to him - but those original intentions had gone out the window. He’d thrown them out himself and hadn’t even realized it. How had he not realized it?

He was pulled out of those thoughts easily when he felt your delicate hands caressing his face. 

“What is it?” you asked him, because he’d completely stopped everything. You didn’t know that something had changed. 

“Nothing,” he lied, shaking his head. He nudged your nose with his own. “It’s just - you’re…” He swallowed hard. Thick. “...Addicting.” The shaky breath he released was nothing but a sign of his vulnerability. “I hope this never ends.” 

You kissed him again, soft this time for the sake of making it short. “Fuck me, Atsumu,” you said, your lips grazing against his as you spoke, and Atsumu was intensely aware of the fact that he was the only person in the world who could hear your words. “And make it last forever.” 

He would. 

He wanted to do anything you wanted him to do. He’d do whatever it took. Forever was a long time but if it always felt like this then he didn’t mind. 

You pushed the sand dunes of hair off his forehead, smiling up at him as you did. Even when his thrusts into you increased, you didn’t lose it. And he never wanted to look away from you. 

Atsumu had dropped saying that stupid nickname in favor for moaning your name, because it was the only word he had never called anyone else and he’d be damned if he treated you like you were just something to be charmed and used. Not again. 

“Fuck - fuck, Y/N,” he moaned into your neck. You arched your back into him; his hands wanted to roam your body but if he didn’t keep holding himself up with both arms he was sure he’d collapse. “Y/N!” 

Your nails raked his back, trying your hardest to pull him impossibly close. Even though he was as close as he could ever be, you felt like it wasn’t enough. You were sure there was some part of him you still hadn’t gotten. 

He was giving you everything, though. Just like he’d promised.  

Both of you felt so incredibly good; you were drunk and Atsumu was high - your fixes were each other. And you were both about to peak. 

It came slower than you expected - it really felt like Atsumu was building you up one thrust at a time, and each time his hips collided with yours you felt just a bit closer to cumming. You were curling your toes in preparation and your head was rolling around the pillow beneath it, shaking back and forth as if you were denying it because an orgasm meant this was over.  

And then you heard Atsumu moan loud. He hadn’t finished, not yet, but he was definitely about to. Something about it told you to just cum, and as his hand found yours and held on tight to it, you did. 

He grunted and cursed and came when he felt you tighten so much, pulsating around his throbbing cock desperately. It felt like your body was begging to be filled by his dick, by his cum, by him. And there was no place he’d rather be. 

Everything was you. You were all he could feel or smell or hear; the warmth of your cunt, your perfume mixed with sweat, your delicate whines of his name; your hand squeezing his, your shampoo that was so familiar, the sounds of him sliding in and out you. And he was thinking about all of it at once. 

He had never felt so good in his life, he knew that for a fact. He squeezed your hand hard and filled the room with broken moans as he thrust even quicker than before, trying to carry on this feeling for as long as possible. 

Even when he had finished and the over stimulation got uncomfortable, those thoughts didn’t go away, because unlike every one night stand he’s had, this one wasn’t over the moment he came.

He didn’t pull out. He didn’t let go of your hand. He didn’t even stop moaning. There was one thing Atsumu wanted, and it was to kiss you. 

So he did. He kissed you hard, taking hold of your jaw to keep you kissing back as his body relaxed. He was basically laying on top of you now, lapping his tongue into your mouth because he wasn’t ready to be disconnected from you. He couldn’t handle being apart right now, and you were the only person who had ever put up with his odd clinginess for this long so he planned on stretching it out. 

But you needed to catch your breath; both of you were still panting through the kiss, and it was too much bordering on uncomfortable. So you pushed his face away, only a bit, but for Atsumu it was still too far from you. 

And he realized that right now, he was feeling the desperation and vulnerability his partners usually feel when the sex is over and Atsumu stops letting them kiss him; when he got too wrapped up in his own weird insecurity to let his clinginess show and the desire for attention and affection was gone.

Right now he was performing without a script. He didn’t have something to say that was practiced and proven successful, something that would make you swoon and fall under his spell. 

He was panicking, because he didn’t want to have to convince you to let him keep kissing you. He knew that sometimes he couldn’t help being stuck to people like glue, but that’s why he’d worked so hard to grow out of those things. To see relationships like these as menial and only for pleasure. To not get attached to anyone who would only end up ripping themselves away from him.

He held onto you just a bit tighter, as if that would make you stay. Because despite his fears and doubts and insecurities, he really wanted you to. 

“Don’t go,” he said, his eyes shut tight and voice a sad strained. 

You were literally taken aback by his words. You needed to take a second to realize what he had just said, to examine his face and see that he meant it. 

“Atsumu…” 

He finally gave out, falling and tucking his face into your chest, catching his breath and pulling his cock out of you and putting himself back together. 

“I wasn’t planning on leaving.” 

“Are you sure?” he asked, bringing your linked hands up to his lips. 

“I was going to stay until you kicked me out, babe.” 

“I was never going to kick you out.” 

“Are you sure?” 

He scoffed. “Yeah.” It was annoying how you could always see right through him, but right now he wasn’t going to worry about anything besides kissing each of your fingers. 

After a long moment, you tried tugging your hand away. “Can I have my hand back?”

He pretended to think about it before replying. “Why?” 

“Because it’s my hand.”

He genuinely hesitated before letting it go, because he felt like everything would unravel if he did. He tried not to think about it.

“Thank you,” you said with a giggle that Atsumu loved, and then he felt both of your hands in his hair. His eyes widened at the feeling. 

With the head scratches he was really able to relax, and you were basically squished underneath him but you didn’t care. 

All Atsumu thought about was you. He wondered if he should tell you, but no words came to him. Anything he said would probably be gibberish, anyway. He couldn’t convey the way he felt in words that would make sense, and even though he knew the two of you should have some kind of discussion he decided it could wait. He felt okay in this serene uncertainty, because he had a feeling you were staying right there with him. He trusted you enough to believe that. 

There was only one thing worth saying. One thing that he meant, that you would hopefully understand without explanation. 

“I hope this never ends.” 

If that moment did last until the end of time, neither of you would mind. 

“Then make it last forever.” 

- 

this has a part two! 

[thisdreamplace]

Hi! I realised im afraid of pain. Im stuck in my comfort zone and i avoid and run away from anything thats hard, or specifically, if I can't do something easily, I will put it off over n over. Im interested in finding out what started off this behavior. Ive read how some oooold childhood events and our reactions to them or mb when someone said something to us at those events set the first presedent for such behavior. Any guidance pleeease?

Today i finally started to work on a very important project that i was putting off for months. And I wrote down a few basic objectives in question form to start with in the project. And instead of forcing myself to GeT StRTeD, i told myself okay you ONLY have to outline the v basic answers for each.... Please, that's all! And shalala bam its the end of the day and Im 'suddenly realising i spent THE WHOLE DAY doing anything but the simple work, not even THINKING of the possible answers jn my brain!

I think ik what's wrong w me. U say Be Still and Know rightt? So i did that and wondered what the heck is up, why m I avoiding this work, like its not even like i dislike or hate this project. It's something Im interested in and the biggest thing is that the baby step I asked myself to take is literally the most basic of basics work----- and i suddenly got this: im afraid of pain of what'll happen after the project ---- presentation. Even tho i haven't even started the project, done absolutely zero things, and ironiclly the more I delay the LESSER time ill have in the end to even prepare for the presentation lol 😆! I mean I haven't even started it! What?! Our brains are so crazy like conditioning is seriously real, lmao. My brain do be looking out for me

This problem is getting out of hand, even now I could STILL put in like FIVE minutes and outline the answers but nope. The saddest thing is I had my notebook open to the page with the objectives the WHOLW DAY and yet I calmly ignored it. I. Have. A. Problem... And if only I could apply this devil-may-care attitude with manifesting 😕

i feel so trapped in the familiar comfort of the comfort zone 😭 how do i deal with the pain of pain? How do i teach myself its okay to feel pain and I don't have to run away?

To be so honest with you, I have learned to face my fears by realizing I cannot actually run away from them. You're never running away from pain, you're never freeing yourself from pain. All you're ever doing is telling pain to come back another day. It's never going to leave you if you don't release it. For that reason, I don't run from my emotions anymore. I'm so freaking tired of living a life that's ruled by them, that I face them. I sit there and feel how uncomfortable it is. I cry and sulk if I need to. And then it's over and I survived. You will always survive.

I mean that's the biggest thing I have carried with me on this journey. There's always the next moment. No matter how painful any given moment is, there's always the moment where it's over. And you're okay again. I mean I'm sure you can think back to plenty of times it felt like your world was ending... and then you got through it and now you're here. We just... move forward. We keep going. Without realizing it, we're all much more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. And when we learn about the law, we learn to practice turning our fears into love. That terrible feeling comes up and we choose love for ourselves. Instead of continuing to hide behind fear.

So decide, really. Stay stagnant, repeating the same experiences, or take that leap of faith for your freedom. It's scary. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like this shit has been easy for even a second. But it's worth it, it'll always be worth it. But I can't sit here and convince you of that, you'll have to decide that it's worth it to you. But you came to the law for a reason, so I'm gonna guess it is worth it to you.

Hopefully this helps! 💖

[all-inmoderation]

kaz (soc) and aang (atla)

Kaz

1. How I feel about this character

love him to bits. he really left an impression on me for some reason, even tho ive read plenty of characters before who are characterized as assholes-with-a-heart-of-gold, he just felt different to me. i think its because despite his tragic backstory, his assholey-ness was very unapologetic, which I liked, lol. and speaking of tragic backstories, oh my god his really hit. like, the imagery of little kaz fighting for his life on his brother’s corpse, and how that experience later formed into the near debilitating phobia of touch for him, broke my heart. it absolutely crushed me but also made me root for his character even more, bc i wanted to see him get his revenge on pekka rollins but also allow himself to be soft like he once was, before that day. 

2. All the people I ship romantically with this character

allowing himself to even admit he loved inej was hard enough for him, so i cant imagine kaz ever loving anyone else like he does her, tbh. if he did, it would be very very far in the distant future post-canon, where he’d presumably be a changed character (after healing from his trauma), i hope. because he deserves to learn how to be soft again, and i think the best person to do that with is inej, for him.

3. My non-romantic OTP for this character

i know people ship him  with matthias, which is an interesting dynamic for sure. i wouldnt ship them romantically but theyve definitely had some really interesting interactions together, (like when matthias says kaz has nothing sacred in his life, or when kaz says matthias was right and he was out of tricks) and i love how matthias calls Kaz demjin/demon, haha.

4. My unpopular opinion about this character

idk if this is unpopular but as much as i called him an asshole before (lmao) i don’t actually think kaz is one. okay dont get me wrong, he can definitely be a dick, but from what i can recall, kaz doesn’t say mean shit just to be petty, it’s more like he’s a no-bullshit type guy who can be pragmatic to the point that it comes off as cruel. which makes sense considering thats how hes survived in the Barrel, and i think that makes him far more interesting than him just being a snarky character. Also! i think kaz’s ability to read/manipulate people is underrated- hes not just a barrel boss bc he’s ruthlessly violent, it’s because kaz knows how to read people like a book and knows their likes, dislikes, fears, etc and uses it against them/for his own gain. this ability of his is so much more sinister and impressive to me than him cutting people up.

5. One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

i wish theyd gone onto more detail about what kaz does as a barrel boss. bc towards the end of crooked kingdom when hes finally confronting pekka rollins, pekka says something like “if it hadn’t been me who conned you and your brother, it would’ve been someone else” and “you cant trick an honest man, brekker, you know that”. the last part “you know that” made me realize we don’t know much about what operations the dregs runs. does kaz scam pigeons too? it seems to be a commonplace thing for gangs to do, from what it seems from pekka’s line, but i wonder if kaz would do that himself knowing what it feels like to be on the receiving end. does he scam them but not give them the illusion of kindness like pekka did with him & jordie ? or does kaz simply steal and pickpocket and minimize the manipulation ? i wish leigh bardugo had gone a little bit more in depth with that bit bc pekka’s line arose a lot of questions for me that would be cool to delve into.

Aang

1. How I feel about this character

if you follow my blog you probably already know how much i absolutely adore aang. Aang and i are very similar, except he’s, like, Better lol. tbh I think he’s everything people should strive to be: kind, resilient, patient etc. etc. 

 2. All the people I ship romantically with this character

anyone. literally anyone. lmfao he’s just that type of character! his personality is so open and charming that he puts everyone around him at ease and is able to have meaningful interactions with every character ! lately i’ve been really into suki x aang tho ugh something about suki being so devoted to aangs past lives is just 😩😩😩👌👌

3. My non-romantic OTP for this character

i love toph and aang’s friendship ! i ship them romantically too but even when im contemplating a ship with a different character with aang, taang’s friendship is always important to me and very underrated int his fandom tbh.

4. My unpopular opinion about this character

he’s mister popular, hide yo wife hide yo kids he can steal anyone from you bc hes just that charming.

5. One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

i dont wish to change canon in any way, i think it was masterfully done. but post canon, i wish to explore the dynamics between aang and older characters such as bumi, guru pathik, etc more. i think aang deserves to be able to hang out with people who remembers a time when his people were alive and his culture was valued !

[mrmallardsmobileposts]

How I Think The Star Wars Sequels Should Have Happened: Another MrMallard Nerd Moment

(MAJOR SPOILERS)

The Force Awakens:

fine jumping on point. Not perfect, but honestly a return to form in regards to making Star Wars movies fun again. Keep TFA as-is, warts and all - the trick is paying this movie off by the end.

The Last Jedi:

Less faux-Guardians of the Galaxy humor. That's not to say "no humor", I honestly thought Luke Skywalker had the best jokes of the movie, but less "your mother" and less "Finn wakes up from a coma and drips IV fluid everywhere, Wakka Wakka!". The former is corny, the latter is undignified and actively cheapens character development from the prior movie.

Cut the stampeding race-beasts, because it reeks of Disney's "fuck you we're Disney" money, but keep Canto Bight as a whole. The alien designs are charming - it's a nice moment of fanservice, along with the Jizz music. It also serves as a nice character-building exercise for Rose and Finn.

Ultimately, I think it might have been a better idea to kill off Leia in this movie considering Carrie Fisher's passing. I don't dislike her in this movie, and I honestly enjoyed the scene of her in space - my first thought was "holy fuck she can use the force!!" - but I think it would have been better for her to pass on in this movie, both logistically and for her character. That, or they should have scaled back her cobbled together Frankenstein-performance of CGI, cut lines and recontextualised footage in TRoS. Either/or.

Keep the mutiny plot with Poe, but something has to be done with how they treat the secret plan. The resolution to the mutiny plot was the thing that bothered me the most with TLJ, but it's pretty much the only thing for Poe to do in the movie and it adds conflict to the main story I guess. Making the Holdo/Poe seem a little less personal might help? idk. honestly a lot of this storyline felt forced.

Don't try and resolve Rey's backstory in this movie. Keep it as a running mystery. I understand that they were trying to go for a clever subversion in this movie, but it just added another stupid thing that TRoS bad to address and it honestly kinda ruins the trilogy.

Honestly, either cut Crait entirely and make it the beginning of the next movie - bc the movie's already two hours long and it feels like the final battle stretches the movie out beyond its natural ending point - or shorten it a bit and make it a bit more functional. It looks cool, but at that point it's like tacking an extra mile onto a marathon.

Also, don't shoehorn a failed heroic sacrifice with Finn imo. That, or give him more screentime and character development to build up to that moment. Post-TFA, he's really half-baked, and I honestly think he should have been more of a focal character next to Rey. The heroic sacrifice felt like it came out of nowhere, and by thwarting it and adding the Rose Tico scene, it felt like a waste of time even having it in there. It comes and goes with no fanfare.

Honestly, I would have preferred if Luke stayed alive at the end of the movie. I think his death was a movie too soon. Saying that, I think they nailed his death in this movie - if they were gonna kill him off, I think they did it right. Also, don't kill off Snoke. It's a cool scene, but it fucks up the next movie.

Re: Rose Tico - she's not my favorite part of the movie, but I don't actively hate her and I think the response to her character that Kelly Marie Tran had to face was absolutely disgusting. I think her plotline with Finn was a little underbaked, and that scene at the end where she prevents his heroic sacrifice just kinda sidelines them both. I think making her a navigator would have helped her character in TLJ and TRoS.

In short: trim a few excessive CGI scenes, cut a few cornball jokes out, play around with the characterisation and tone of the mutiny plot, dignify Finn's character instead of reducing him to a rehashed coward, comedic relief character and pointless failed Rebel martyr, and maybe keep Luke Skywalker alive at the end. Bring the movie in at around 2 hours max.

Keep Luke Skywalker as-is, bc his character is a highlight of TLJ.

The Rise of Skywalker:

Kill off Luke Skywalker in this movie. Seriously, just cut and paste his death at the end of TLJ into this movie. Work him into a reduced role when Rey junks her ship, like the force projection messed him up and he doesn't have much longer to live, and have him help her when she returns to his island planet instead of adding a phoned-in Force Ghost appearance. Maybe have her there when he passes?

Reduce Leia's role in this movie instead of stitching together a Frankenstein's Monster of a performance. Not to be morbid by that reference - it's just that everything she says feels so stilted and wrong, like you can definitely tell they've thrown all the scraps they have left into her character in this movie. It doesn't feel natural or respectful for her character to spit out non-sequiters for the characters to respond to in an equally unnatural sort of way.

Honestly? Canonise Fey/Rinn, however you want to portmanteau Rey and Finn's ship name. If you give Finn more of a character arc in TLJ instead of side-lining him, and establish that he and Rey are particularly close - which they are IMO - and then pay off that "I have something to tell you" beat with a confession of love. This isn't a stab against Reylo, though I've certainly had words to say about Reylo, I just think Finn/Rey is a more wholesome ship and I prefer this dynamic to the fuckin dark side/light side paradigm of Reylo. I Just don't care for it. Kylo Ren's conflicted nature doesn't have to resolve in romance. Gimme Rey/Finn.

Snoke gets offed by Palpatine. There's no breeding vat for Snokes, but if the movie wants to suggest that he's still just a puppet or a creation, that's fine. That, or build Snoke up as the bad guy, and either follow through on that or have Palpatine be a twist halfway through the movie.

Maybe make Palpatine a Sith Ghost? They do exist to some degree. Or have him stuck in some other limbo that requires him to hijack Rey. Anything is better than that "if I do this you do this, but then I'll do this so you would have to do this, but really I'm going to do this so either way my entire plan was completely unnecessary lmao" clusterfuck where he's a living corpse impaled on a robot arm.

Cut out the macguffins, or make them feel less inconsequential. Okay, so the dagger storyline involves rebooting C3PO. It has stakes and gravitas to a degree. Cool - keep that. What the fuck is up with the wayfinders though? Why are there only two? Why do they need to be so convoluted?

Maybe have Maz Kanata talk about Luke's lightsaber, and/or have her involved in finding a way to Palpatine. It would pay off her appearance in TFA and explain her importance to Luke.

By making Rose Tico a great navigator in TLJ, her role on the team can be expanded in TRoS and she can do like star charts and stuff for all the different worlds they're going to - she can come along instead of being fucked over by JJ Abrams in this movie. She can even help with Maz Kanata's wayfinding plan. In short - make her a part of the team.

Honestly, fuck the Knights of Ren right off. They're a waste of time. That, or set them up in TLJ - hell, have one of them on Canto Bight and another one on Snoke's ship. Maybe even retcon Phasma into being a Knight of Ren. Anything but bringing them back as a mook squad in this movie, with no weight or character.

Honestly? Show Palpatine surviving the Death Star crash. The retcon is all the more painful for being completely and utterly unexplained. Doesn't matter if you have to touch the source material to do it, CG in a force shield as Palpatine falls through fire and have him hobble to a life support pod that takes him to where he is in TRoS. Literally anything is better than "Somehow, Palpatine returned".

Either cut the healing powers, or leave them in sans Reylo kiss.

In short: reduce Leia's role instead of using cut content and a CGI puppet to stitch together a performance, leave Luke alive until this movie, kill Snoke in this movie OR have him be the big bad, make Finn/Rey a thing over Reylo - again, no hate, I just prefer this pairing over Reylo - write more details about Palpatine's survival, either put some Knights of Ren into TLJ or don't have them at all, get rid of the Wayfinder macguffins and/or work Maz Kanata and "master navigator" Rose Tico into a plot to find Palpatine.

At the end of the day, there should have been a planning committee for the Star Wars story, not for the merchandise. You can see from how the sequel trilogy crammed out merchandise that Disney was clearly asking for marketable merch, but the story is a trainwreck - there was a Star Wars committee, just not where the property needed one.

The sequel trilogy was a worthwhile experiment imo - it didn't pay off, but it was worth doing just to see if it was possible. But even then, I would prefer three decent movies over a couple of experimental trainwrecks retroactively ruining one decent movie.

This post was mostly trying to work with what the movies already have, though by TRoS you really do have to start overhauling shit to make it work. In my eyes, the longest that these movies should run is two hours - any more than that is a slog, especially when the movie feels like it takes two hours. The Last Jedi felt like two and a half hours. The Rise of Skywalker felt like a two hour movie crammed into 80 minutes, despite the fact it was longer than 2 hours. The best way to make these movies more watchable is to make them shorter - cut out superfluous money shot scenes like the Canto Bight chase, have more efficient scenes to balance out the stylish scenes. The sequel trilogy is short on efficiency imo, and without a movie where it feels like progress is being made, the style doesn't work.

So tweak some things to make each movie more efficient.

[staysocky]

answering a handful of asks under the cut !!

answers & replies here are generally:

brush settings

misc. responses

(MANY OF THESE I’M ANSWERING...VERY LATE.... IM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY I JUST WANTED TO WAIT A BIT SO I COULD COMPILE EVERYTHING ALL TOGETHER.....)

Anonymous said: Hello friend may I ask about your brush settings? Because I am in love with your colouring and line work!

Anonymous said: Your art is so cute! What brushes do you use?

Answer: i main SAI2 now, but here are the same settings when i was using them in the original SAI!! 

(i just copied my own settings in SAI2 now so they should work the same... also sometimes i use the marker tool for doodling nowadays)

Anonymous said: do you post speedpaints anywhere? i'd love to see your painting process! your art style is phenomenal hngh 

Anonymous said: Do you have a youtube channel? Just wondering, since I can't seem to find it. I'd like to watch some speedpaints or something .u.

Anonymous said: could do you a tutorial on how you color hair??? its so pretty and baffles me all the time

Anonymous said: Would you ever do a tutorial showing how you draw? I've see you post on how you color but not lineart (ps your style is super duper cute!!)

Anonymous said: Ayy ;3c hello stocky, your art is amazing ;; how is your process for color your drawings? Plz need to know! God bless you♥

Anonymous said: How do you color soooo well? Can I get some tips? ( ;n; )

Answer: i’ve sometimes done lil art streams for friends before! i could use the same capture software to make speedpaints sometime.... i’ve been considering it for a while actually! 

my process can be a lil sloppy when i try to break it down into steps for tutorials so i think the best way to show + explain is through art streams (& video process)... 

i was thinking of starting art streams on twitch in the near future too... it’s just when i’ll finally be able to get setup finally that i’d be able to set a streaming schedule

Anonymous said: I never played Megaman but I used to watch my older brother play it, and I finally started playing it because of your art too lmao (i love it)

Answer: MEGAMAN GOOD!!! im so glad you’re enjoying the series now too!!

Anonymous said: Socky, will you restock the sanic charms (the knuckles and tails link one) or make other characters?? i love them !

Answer: THANK YOU i’m glad u like em!! each time they sell out i do plan to restock them so no worries!! 👍 I AM AIMING TO MAKE MORE CHARMS OF OTHER SONIC CHARACTERS TOO they’ll come eventually when i’m able to make the designs & get them ordered!!

Anonymous said: ((whispers, this may have been asked before and I wasn't sure where to ask it, but what does "i tried my best x5" mean? is it a reference to something? ;;))

Answer: OH NO WORRIES I’LL CLEAR IT UP!! it’s in reference to a youtube user’s rp comments as “kagamine len”. i’ve seen it MANY years ago & at that time it became sorta an inside joke between me & my friends. 

later i referenced/used it as a response a few times on my len askblog to keep it going.

it’s a small lil thing i guess but i’ve sorta adopted the saying now haha

Anonymous said: socks r gr8 doncha think

Anonymous said: ookay im going to sleep now sorry

Answer: no come back you are valid !!

Anonymous said: your aRT gives me heARTATTACKKKS

Answer: BREATHE, ANON

Anonymous said: I JUST FOUND YOUR BLOG AND I LOVE YOUR ART STYLE! <3

Anonymous said: Wanted to say I absolutely love your art and how you draw the Kagamines. Please keep it up!

Anonymous said: HELLO I JUST. WANNA SAY I ADORE YOUR ART AND BLOGS !! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND I ALSO WISH YOU ALL THE BEST !!

Anonymous said: your art makes me cry out of joy. I am actually crying because your style makes me so happy!!!! keep up the good work!! <3

Anonymous said: your artstyle. CUTE

@transjackatlas​ said: you art style is absolutely adorable 💙💚💕

@emmi-san​ said: I only wanted to say that I love your art style and the cute representations of the vocaloid songs ✨💕

@tyranart​ said: Your arts wonderful and I hope your day is full of nothing but enjoyment

@thekillermarti​ said: how do you draw so cute?!

@neykoart​ said: YOUR ARTSTYLE IS SO CUTE OH MY GOD YOUR TETO DRAWING WARMS MY HEART SO MUCH

@dumiz-hyper-saiyan​ said:  Hiya! I wanted to ask, how is your art so great!? You are so so talented (I know it’s not really a question but I love your drawings so much! I hope we can be friends cause you seem to be a amazing person!) hehe!♥️

@seraphofivorylight​ said:  (￣▽￣) i just found ur blog today and i want to say i really love how soft ur art is !! its super pleasing to look and i definitely wish i could have some of these as prints to slap onto my wall of posters ✨ keep doing ur good work !! i hope ur doing well !!

Answer: THANK YOU SO MUCHHCH!!!!! i’m glad y’all are enjoying my art u folks are the MVPs & it’s super motivating to get your nice feedback _(┐「ε:)_ 💕 💕 //sends you all my lov e

@moderndayoutsider​ said: Just thought I'd shoot a message and say that I absolutely ADORE your art and you're one of my inspirations <3 God bless! Keep on doing what you're doing! :D

Anonymous said: ahh i wana say that ive been a fan of you for years and youve inspired my own art sm T_T... bout time i told you how much i love ur stuff 💖💖💖

Anonymous said: Woah, I'm a bit new to your blog and I just want to say how cute your art is. I'm literally so glad this was on my recommended. If I hadn't clicked on your blog then I don't know where I would be. To be honest, I would send you this on my real account but I'm actually really afraid to talk to you, and plus I'm really shy heheh. But keep up the good work! You're an inspiration to us all.

Anonymous said: Hi socky!!! I just wanna drop by and say that I love ur art so so so much !! The coloring and shape of it is so appealing and sometimes I spend hours at a time on your social media just marveling your art. It's really pretty!! Keep up the good work ✨✨✨

Answer: sdfgFDGDdsf knowing that u folks are inspired by my works makes it all worth it, i hope u know (;__;💕 💕 thank you so much for sticking around & enjoying!!! it really means A LOT pleas y’all have a lovely week!!

Anonymous said: Do you take commissions?

Anonymous said: Commission?

Answer: I SORTA HAVE COMMISSIONS OPEN tho i take them by a commission form which puts you on a waitlist. i’m more active on my twitter and tweet updates, & handle most contact about them there...

here’s a link to the tweet about my current commission info + the link to the form is inside --> [comm info]

Anonymous said: Where are you from? Your art is so clean and stylish!! 💖✨

@mysticmangaanimepainter​ said: What year u start drawing???😮 

Answer: started drawing wayyy back when i was able to first hold a crayon haha. tho i sorta started paying attention to what i was doing around middle school? started drawing digitally between middle & high school iirc... im from the US also !!

AAAND AGAIN A LOT OF THESE WERE ASKED/SENT VERY LONG AGO.....  & IM SORRY FOR JUST NOW ANSWERING THEM... o+<

but to all who’s sent me nice messages & words of encouragement, thank you so much 😭💕💕💕 i rly appreciate em all & even tho i’m not very responsive here on tumblr i rly like to look at and read the messages from time to time;;;💖

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

HI HOW DO YOU WRITE CHARACTERS

hewwo! i can answer this! im literally gonna do a quick list of both deh and bmc characters for u under this readmore! :D

im gonna start with deh because smaller cast!

evan: 

isn’t so much stuttery as he tends to repeat things and uh stammer a bit here and there. stutters over his words sometimes but it’s more l-like this and uh, like… like this

evan hansen has anxiety. he is not anxiety. evan hansen fucks up and makes mistakes and probably internalizes a lot of things. very polite when in public but he can be a bit snappy (as seen w evans comment abt how zoe’s parents have never been poor i believe? it was something he said to zoe)

soft spoken, most of the time. probably not the kind of guy to vocally ask for things until he’s at a comfortable enough point that he feels like he’s not bothering you (same buddy)

i see evan as someone who gets frustrated with himself easily. not as a sense of “god i wish i were normal” but more of a “i should be able to do this, why cant i do this, i want to do this but i cant” because sometimes it’s just a matter of i literally cant do this and i dont know why? and god its so frustrating sometimes

jared:

jared kleinman is a fucking asshole and he knows it. very sarcastic and uses it to cover up his own insecurities, probably the kind of dude who laughs in your face when you tell him off when internally he’s just OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

a lot of ppl write jared as being insecure abt his weight and tbh i don’t see that being a problem for him? i see jared as being insecure abt the fact he comes off very snarky and assholeish but he turns it around and tries to own it even though… that’s not something you want to be proud of? and he knows that

not the kind of dude who stops to assess his feelings. he powers through shit and insists he’s okay until he’s out of steam. i think it was psy who said he’s a “needs therapy boi” and tbh she’s right? 

can be very passive aggressive imo it’s something he really needs to work on.

arrogant, sarcastic, and just a big fucking dick who needs to learn how to watch his mouth.

zoe:

not an pure baby angel, by any means. we’re at a disadvantage because we only see zoe when she’s sort of grieving (because grief can and will come in different ways, and while i see her as not missing connor, i do think that her pushing away her feelings is a form of her grieving imo? it’s a weird thing to explain but there’s a part of zoe that does miss (the old) connor’s presence as w the fake emails evan “gave her her brother back” (albeit a very fake version of connor) and sort of standoffish when it comes to the subject of connor

a bit of an ambivert. extremely outgoing when she’s around her friends or when it comes to music and other things she loves.

very individualistic! her style tends to have doodles on her clothes, she dyes her hair a lot, she probably would be the kind of person to make her own jewelry!

very sweet. the castng call for zoe describes her as being the kind of person who learns the names of the kids who sit alone at lunch and thats she goes out of her way to be nice to people since. connor. yeah.

thats all ive got for zoe but u can always send questions in and i can say yes or no after i ask my pals too

alana:

smart gal! valedictorian! president! i love her! tends to overshare a bit. anxiety + depression gal.

probably into gardening tbh? i can see alana having succulents in her room and maybe a dog that just chills with her.

dont be afraid to make alana mouthy. alana is someone whos extremely headstrong in her actions imo and does what she believes is right, even if others dont believe that. like… think about the fact that she literally published what was believed to be connor’s suicide note because she thought it’d get them the last bit of help they needed for the orchard. it literally fucked the murphys over - but she never considered that?

very much an extrovert. just really wants to belong, man. very optimistic on the surface but i can see her being a little less so underneath. she looks on the bright side because if she doesnt, she doesnt know who will and idk i dont think alana’s the kind of person who just... lets that risk be there.

connor:

we dont kno much abt connor in canon but uhhh…. i can see connor as being a loner, sort of aggressive by accident (tbh this dude’s probably used to people being a dick to him so he’s just sorta standoffish in response) but like… whenever i write connor i usually write him as getting better? he’s gotten the help he needs and he’s doin better 

artsy depressed dude. poetry, painting, ect - whatever u want tbh. i just see connor, with help, finding himself in art or something creative (theatre and music included! u do u!)

very much a reader. this dude both has a lot of books on his bookshelf and a lot more books he hasnt fucking read because hes terrible at reading new books. (i personally hc he loves all of poe’s work)

to sorta sum connor up: bold, but not outgoing. caring, but not obvious with it (once he gets help btw). easily angered but sometimes he just doesn’t fucking know why and that frustrates him further. troubled.

honestly if u want to see one of my fave connors - check out @ask-sincerely-memes​! i rly love how they portray all three of the boys, but connor is by far my favorite! (mod con and/or mod ev if u read this i love u)

OK ONTO THE BMC FUCKERS if you want to kno abt the adults for either show then feel free to ask

jeremy:

anxiety boy, but not evan hansen level of anxiety. more just… self deprecating, not super confident in himself, probably underestimates himself a lot.

jeremys hard to explain sometimes because a lot of his actions and dialogue comes naturally since i can actually relate to jeremy a lot, personality-wise? a really good fact to throw out there is i don’t think jeremy’s the kind of guy who just goes for stuff sometimes. he has to sorta be hyped up by others imo. michael motivated him to sign up for the play, rich and michael both played parts in getting him squipped (michael in the aspect of “lets check this out and see if its legit” bc i doubt jeremy would have genuinely done that on his own).

which really means jeremy isnt the kind of guy to just… confess things, unless it’s built up enough (i.e. jeremys confrontation w reader in unlonely since it was a conversation he’d been thinking about for a bit). in canon, he didnt really… confess to christine without the help of alcohol (at the halloween party) or without other people building him up (voices in my head). 

im literally rereading jeremy fics rn because im trying to come up with a good way of describing him

extremely horny teenage boy. hormones suck. for anyone who writes nsfw: i dont see jeremy being incredibly kinky and sexual and dominant (god forbid) his first fucking time having sex. especially if its both him and the readers first time. sex can be clumsy. you can laugh during sex. but also sex smells. like… once you’ve smelled it, you fucking know it - its just a weird combo of sweat and bodily fluids. 

that last part was just a PSA for ppl.

lightweight boy. a lot bolder when drunk. thank you.

honestly if u have any questions abt jeremy, i can try to answer them more specifically but this is as general as i can get.

michael

not an uwu anxious depressed innocent baby boy uwu. remember that michael literally withheld the mtn dew red from jeremy because he wanted an apology. remember that michael wouldnt have been squipped because michael had been completely comfortable with who he is. michael likes his place. he doesn’t want to be cool and popular - he likes who he is. michael in the bathroom was a peak moment of michael finally letting go of emotions he’d been withholding - jeremy calling him a “loser” was the final straw that broke him. thank u this has been a psa.

a goofy boy. probably snorts when he laughs and im not projecting there what are you talking about-

okay, canonically: likes video games, likes retro shit (probably the kind of nerd who LIVES for arcades and record stores and vintage clothing stores even if he doesnt mix that into his personal style), very into music. there’s a lot you can do with this! 

imo he’s very caring? like. okay, yes he did withhold mtn dew red from jeremy - but michael still went through the trouble of finding and obtaining that in order to deactivate the squip. i think michael’s a fairly understanding dude, even if he has moments of anger.

just a very warm person. probably the kind of person who stops and makes sure people are okay when he notices they’re upset.

sometimes impulsive. sometimes very restless, imo. bouncy boy. 

like w jeremy - you can absolutely send me questions abt michael (or anyone tbh!) and i’ll answer them the best i can! im by no means an expert but ive got pals i can bother in order to help get a solid answer :3

christine

chriiistiiiiiiiiine, the love of my life. a gal w ADD! please don’t forget that! i personally hc that she got into a theatre as a way of like… sort of getting energy out since she’s fairly restless??? track girl christine….. also good

loves herself a lot tbh! like. in the show, its canon that she has stuff to figure out but i personally think christine loves herself and her body and is proud of who she is?

very friendly, very open, very passionate abt theatre! these are basic facts lmao

very sweet! very smart! she’s like... The Girl in all the movies that everyones like “oh no i love her” bc shes just a bubbly gal

writing christine is really hard to describe sometimes. like with all the characters, i write what feels right and sounds right to me and to others.

but like... to be honest, as long as you stay a bit happy and supportive and loving with christine - you’re on the right track.

jake

god - one of my favorite boys to write sometimes because there’s a lot to do with jake’s character

he’s the ultimate cool dude in high school. probably the kind of dude who would join a frat in college. handsome, popular, flirtatious - you fucking name it man.

sorta effortlessly popular and cool. there’s problems underneath - considering his family - but it’s hard to see that he has flaws when everything just comes so easily to him.

a very caring and sweet dude tbh. his friends mean a lot to him and he’s the kind of boy who carries your books and asks where you’re going and how you’re doing

he makes mistakes. he gets aggressive and protective and just angry physically - he did try to attack jeremy, albeit drunk, based purely on the idea that jeremy was having sex w chloe - so like... that’s a good thing to acknowledge

i said hes flirtatious and he is - without realizing it. someone probably has called him out on it and he’s like “sorry what?” bc he was caught up in talking to someone and not realizing that the dillinger charm never went off. because it never goes off. rip.

rich

GOD, my FAVORITE BOY, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, i love him.

squipped: aggressive. a bully. stinky. 0/10.

post-squipcident: getting better. sorta numb at first before happy, outgoing rich resurfaces because He’s Fine! Do Not Worry! but y’know like... he definitely has a lot of problems with what he did and who he was while he had the squip

a bit sensitive imo. easily upset on certain topics, easily angered on others. really misses his mom (i hc she died and his dad took up drinking as a coping mechanism and its mainly rich and his older brother relying on each other but thats just me tbh.)

rich is tricky to write when it comes to his home life. while i see rich’s dad as being a loud drunk, others see him as being physically abusive and so forth and - okay, that’s your decision, but please make sure you’re being respectful and you post trigger warnings because some people are in abusive homes and it’s not a fun thing to read. 

great sense of humor imo. flirtatious but in the more obvious “haha hey lets bone ;)” way. alternatively: flirtatious with squip, floundering a bit without it because all he knows is “haha hey wanna fuck” 

would probably fight a dick for his pals. rly just loves his friends even if he doesn’t show it.

chloe

chloe is a bit hard to write without saying “shes kind of a bitch” but like... she is and she knows it and she fucking owns it.

casting call: “ confident, crass, sexy, manipulative, and downright mean at times”

so like. she’s nowhere near bein a sweet angel baby uwu

has problems. explore them. she literally was down to fuck brooke’s boyfriend since jeremy was dating brooke yknow. part of it could be alcohol but like... dont ignore that fact. like. she probs needs to talk to both brooke and jeremy.

i think of chloe as someone who can see the potential in others tbh. gets slightly annoyed when people arent achieving what they could - but i like to imagine she gets it after a while since some ppl dont have confidence and such. 

yknow the kind of people that take charge when the situation calls for it? that’s chloe. she’s very much a leader. cunning, ambitious - she’s fucking ready.

brooke

more of an angel i guess? sweet, a bit insecure, and a little more caring. not very dominant in situations - tends to be more of a follower (as shown w her and chloe’s friendship)

very caring actually. she literally followed jeremy out and said “uhhh he was kind of a dick to women but i know u like eminem” upon his death in the show??? like??? she literally went to check on this boy.

imo she sorta needs to learn to be bolder. to not take shit. shes probably the kind of person who says yes to a lot of things even if they’re conflicting bc she doesn’t want to like... bother someone and make things worse

emotional, imo. fairly feminine.

its hard to keep describing sdfkjhds sorry

jenna

not popular. remember that she wanted people to be interested in her, which is why she gossips a lot

probably tends to overhear half of the gossip. other than that, i can see her easily finding shit out bc she has eyes Everywhere

bold, fairly extroverted, probably really fucking smart tbh. give her love. she deserves it.

thats both at me and everyone else. jenna rolan ily...

very much a big sister figure, post-squipcident. theres this kdrama i was watching where the main protag lives w a couple other girls and one of the oldest one of the bunch is very much a big sister figure that will call other people out on their bullshit because she knows protag isnt the kind of person to do that? thats jenna. and chloe, but mostly jenna.

probably the kind of person who wants to be helpful imo. she likes feeling useful.

[coolspacequips]

tagged by @lemonistics​ a couple of days ago!! i forgot to finish the post so here it is lol, thanks for tagging me <3

How did you discover the show?

I saw it on tumblr a lot, naturally, after s1 dropped it really took off and i was super curious about it because i was a HUGE fan of atla! but i was also like ‘robot... cats...’ and so i didnt watch it right away lmao, ive posted about this before but i ended up watching this amv shortly after it came out and after that i was like ‘i HAVE to watch this’ (just watched the amv again and its still rly good, damn it reminds me how good s1 was........)

Was it love at first sight or did it take you a while to get into the show?

it was completely love at first site!!! u know lance won my heart the second he opened his mouth, and i was impressed right away by how lovely it was, how creative and scifi fun it was, i loved the music and the updated designs and i was in it for the diversity tbh. i knew starting this show could never be undone with ‘girl, youve already activated my particle ba--’ ‘LANCE.’ how poetic is it that a shance moment brought me here 

Do you have a favorite Paladin?

wonder who that could be............ Lance............. my son........ he is so excited and open-hearted, but so capable and smart in so many ways. he has Been There for the team in so many ways, from hugely significant emotional support to skilled tactical coverage, all the way up until he literally died saving a team mate, and this wasnt even his first close call. he can be petty and short-tempered cos hes young and working stuff out, but he is so gotdang selfless and beautiful and charming and i LOVE...

Do you have a favorite Lion? (If it’s different from your fav paladin, why?)

*looks down at the blue slippers on my feet, looks up at the blue lion toy on my desk shelf* yea i got a fav.... tbh blue is so sweet and smart and i love her, and black is growing on me in a MAJOR way, mysterious and wise and full of Love for shiro, much like i hope to be

Do you have a favorite Villain?

HAGGAR!!! BITCH!!!!!!!!! my bias was skewed from day 1 the second she opened her mouth and cree summers voice came out, and when she started showing concern for zarkon i knew it was over for me, i knew they were gonna cut me deep w her history. ive said since the beginning that haggar was gonna be the main villain, and i believe it more than ever now that voltron kinda killed her husband and lost her son in a void. her backstory reveal rocked me to my core, and i care very much about honerva and haggar!! ive always felt like the final conflict is gonna come down to haggar and allura tbh

Do you have a favorite Alien Race? (recurring and/or minor)

i rly like alteans, i know theyre just pretty hyper advanced space elves, but WHATEVER. also loved the mermaid aliens and whatever blaytz is, and my love of the biibohbiis is eternal. i hope we see more cool aliens! also shout out to that hot rebel lady that died in pidges arms, i forget what theyre called... also, can we meet whatever mixed w a galra to make antok t b h?

Favorite side / other character(s)- Rebels, General, Blade of Mamora, Garrison, etc?

rolo, nyma, and beezor hold a rly special place in my heart. i was so excited when they came back!! the blades are very much my Aesthetic (TM), and those mermaid freedom fighters were great, also those married gay rebels posted in that ice cave that helped shiro.... i like a lot of the side characters tbh. 

lbr though, the real favs are the biibohbiis

How/Why did you join the fandom?

i came in initially to consume the shallura content tbh (this was before it got “””cancelled””” by antis, and i was very excited to see a black woman in a popular ship for gotdamn once. yea im bitter). i started rping p quick after watching it all, i just really wanted to write lance, then i got into an rp with a keith and the ship was unlocked in my heart for All Time. this was around the time that i stopped drawing, i held on for as long as i could and used to post fanart, but it didnt last long. kept me inspired to keep writing tho, and thats good cos i need to be making something!! now its getting me back into drawing and im thankful for that, big ups to shance fandom within the fandom for being da bes!!

Care to share a favorite headcanon?

shit... i wasnt ready for this... i dont really have any relevant hcs that i can think of right now! ummmm i think that the garrison knows more than we think, and that there are going to be some Interesting revelations when the team goes home. im suspicious of how quick they were to jump on and contain shiro at the beginning without so much as letting him speak, how close the base was to the blue lion, and the fact that tex kogane saw the lion and was immediately like ‘should we call the garrison?’ (realistically he could be saying that cos, i mean, who else nearby would know about bizarre aircraft than a piloting academy, but still!)

What do you think is the best part of the show?

honestly there is a lot i love about the show, but i guess the Best part is the characters and the bonds we see growing between them as the series progresses! the show has gone into much more engaging, interpersonal depth than i ever hoped for, and the bottom line is that love and compassion are the things that make life worth fighting for.

ive also talked before, i think rambling in the tags of a post lol, about how i love the fresh, fun, creative take on fantasy scifi that i have missed in recent media, and the optimism that runs as an undercurrent to it all. 

Any hopes and wishes for future episodes / seasons?

i obviously just want lances personal arc to come to a head already!! his character has been quietly and steadily growing in the background of all of this, and his growth is just so human and heartfelt in the midst of all of this intergalactic drama. he is just a boy from cuba who is so good and selfless that he has literally died defending the universe, and he deserves a real, genuine time to shine!

Do you think you’ll stick it out until the end of the show?

ABSOLUTELY, this show means so much to me and has ferried me thru a hard time in my life, on top of just being generally phenomenal and everything that i hope modern cartoons can become now that people are genuinely starting to realize that it is an art form!

Tag your friends or someone you want to get to know better

im way behind on my dash so idk who has and hasnt done this, also no pressure to do this if u dont want to but

@ifellfromtheskies  @rainyfeet @kitausu @rigb0ner  annnnd idk whoever else wants to do it! tons of ppl i could tag bc all my mutuals are da bes and i wanna get to know them better, but have at it!

[sakuurae]

8 questions tag

tagged by the lovely @jaetennys ^~^ thank you, darling 💖

1) What are your favourite mvs?

Oooo, my favorite music videos. Hmmm... I really like ‘don’t fight’ by ants, ‘사랑해줘요’ by mind u, and ‘take you home’ by baekhyun. Im not really a fan of busy (if that is the right word to use) mvs, ahaha. I like them simple with nice lighting, and telling a short story.

2) do you have like a to-do-list before you die?? (like a bucket list) if so, can you list them down? (im really curious)

Ohhh, yes i do!! Haha, i actually have one written down in one of my notebooks, and its quite long so ill just name a few things. Some things id like to do would be going to tokyo with my friends, go on an endless shopping spree with my friends, have our fashion blog be eminent, and to finish writing an entire novel one day (this would be a dream, ehehe).

A lot of the things in my bucket list include activities my friends, haha, because, for me, the best things in my life are never done alone *~*

3) which one do you prefer; romantic love or platonic love? why?

Hmmm...  honestly, romantic love. In my opinion, of course, its more fun in my opinion and i enjoy the whirlwind of emotions that come from it. From being physically close and cuddling, hand-holding, the narrow focus to them solely in a specific admirable perception—just being intimate and having the deep feeling that is created form romantic love—piques my interest more.

 Though, there isnt anything wrong with platonic love either! I enjoy that as well, but i prefer romantic love.

4) who is the person you look up the most? why?

Prepare for absolute cheese, lmao. I look up to taeyong a lot—no surprise here. But its because of what he went through and how he dealt with it. He went through a lot of fire when he finally debuted, and witnessing the crumble of the pillars that held him up confidently made my heart break. I really admire how he handled the drama. It exhibits a growth he has gone through amid that arduous time period. And, honestly, i related to some fractions of it—of him as a person.

But it is not only that factor alone that makes me look up to him; it is also his drive to become a better dancer, rapper—person. I also enjoy how he takes care of all of his members ;~; he makes it so prominent that he cares for his friends and its very respectful. Hes just always thankful for his members and for everything, its aksdjgfh aghhhh.

What always sticks with me about him is the episode (i dont remember which) in ‘nct life: pep rally’ to which he talks about the controversy that surrounded him. What he says really sparked something in me—dunno, i think im just rambling at this point so ill cut this off here lmaoo.

5) favourite songs of all time?

Aaaah, this really is a difficult one. My favorite songs probably are ‘icarus’ by jj project, ‘what i want to say’ by acourve, ‘i smile’ by day6, and ‘the lovely song when we parted’ by mind u.

I wonder if i make it obvious enough, but i really love listening to k-indie/k-acoustic :) my true list of all-time favorites are on my spotify playlist thats filled with them, ahaha.

6) who is/are your bias? why?

Oh boy... My biases are taeyong and sicheng—as if this information is not written on the walls already, haha.

I literally dedicated a huge passage to a fraction of my love for taeyong earlier, and that heavily contributes to why. But pushing that to the side, i admire him for his talent in dancing, rapping, and everything. He is so resilient and that is a favorable quality in my eyes, aaah. His personality is really laudable as well :)

Sicheng... because he is equally meritorious. He traveled over to korea and had to learn an entirely new language, try his hardest to debut, and so much more. He is doing is best and, just like taeyong, he is putting his best effort out there and is growing :’) i also love how he treats his members too; he is just so lovable to everyone, its almost unbelievable.

7) list of things/people that makes you happy?

- Writing is an obvious answer for me to include, haha. Its a great way to start off my day and a good way to calm myself down from a taxing day. I also enjoy sharing the content i create with others, ahaha;

- Reading is also another element. Every morning i read for a good hour or two before i begin writing. I just sit there with my coffee and leaf through my book. It would be an even more perfect day if the weather is nice and warm;

- Going out with my friends. To be honest, i used to never leave the ensconcement of my bedroom; i would say inside and read, write, or just organize my books and closet. It isnt until around a month and a half ago (i think) where my friends have finally egged me to go out with them (i also believe i posted pictures on this blog of it ahaha) and i enjoyed it wholeheartedly. Now, i go out almost every single day with them, and sometimes on my own. I feel like the complete opposite!!! But it makes me really happy, huhu;

- The friends i made on this website makes me really happy. I mean i dont have much but i appreciate the couple that i do have with my entire heart. Knowing them for a short amount of time is unbelievable because it feels like ive known them for years, and everything has been compacted within the month or two we all started to talk. The closeness is really astonishing, but extremely refreshing! I can go on for a while about how appreciative i am and how happy they make me, especially on days where i feel a little down and talking to them normally uplifts my spirits, but i think this will suffice;

- Coffee. The root of my energy tbh. Keeps me going throughout the day and keeps me on my feet during dance, even though i might be too off-the-walls.

8) what are your fondest memories? (it can be anything! about your pet or your friends etc)

Oh boy, this can go on forever too so ill just write the first one that came to my mind.

It was thanksgiving night with my cousins and we snuck out. Skipping over the minor, stupid particulars, we were being chased by one of the neighbors and we started running away for a good five minutes, which resulted in us becoming lost (because we were at our uncle’s city [and we never visit that town]) at a park.

Afterwards, we sat around on the grass for a long while and started to talk for a long while. It was strange at first since we were never really close to one another, but that night was such a table turner. It was one in the morning and we were all sitting or laying on the grass, talking as we stared at the stars—surprisingly, because i havent seen a clear night sky in the city since i lived over at the country side—and we learned a lot about each other and why we differed, which made us argue a lot. Talking it over for hours, our relationship with each other substantially changed and it was like there was never thick air between us to begin with.

Im not sure if this is adequate enough to be an extremely fond memory; but in my book, it is :D i frequently recall this moment despite it occurring many years ago—because it is that life-changing for me. It sort of made me think that despite the negativity i face with others, the other party always has their own reason to why.

I hope this tag is okay! ^~^ i feel like i revealed a larger fraction of myself than what i usually do, ahahaha //profoundly sweats//.

Im tagging @urbanjohnny @writenct @heartachetosing @hey-uta @thenctcults!  I hope its okay to tag you guys, please dont feel obligated to do this if you feel zero desire to ^~^  

My questions for you:

1. Whats your favorite book, and why?

2. What is a good, life changing moment that always sticks with you?

3. Do you believe in astrology? Why?

4. What’s something you have been forced into (like an activity or class) in the belief you would hate it, but actually love it to this day?

5. Name three things you’re proud of in your life and why :D

6. What is the root of your happiness? How did you discover it?

7. Do you prefer clear, serene starry nights within a forest, or an ocean view during golden hours?

8. What’s one thing that not many people know about you?

Again, you dont have to do this if you have zero desire to!! Ehehe

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #1 & 2: "so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell" - Ahrre

So I'm so confused right now lol. Like I feel like discord should have a similar format to skype, but maybe I'm just dumb and cant figure it out. Also the only people I know/heard of are on the other tribe which is fun. Hopefully I can set myself up so my lack of understanding Discord doesn't make me look like a liability to the rest of my tribe.

we legit just got into our tribes.. missus sweyn.. LOL. i legit don't know ANYONE!! APART FROM MY BABY RYAN!! LIKE WHO ARE THESE PPL? liek i've heard of rhys and malik from like other orgs but the other people like god.. why can't I just have my circlejerk like in emvv. ): and idk WHO IS EVNE ON THE OTHER TRIBE WHICH MAKES IT WORSE I COUD HAVE LIKE A BUNCH OF RLY STRONG PLAYERS who are gunna win every single immunity challenge.. and i ain't wantin to go premerge nnn. uhm. ya. thats my mood rn. Xo

Oh wow, hi it’s me, Mo. I’m going into this game with an advantage of not having a social life so I can be more active. I like my tribe so far everyone’s really nice. I only know Fabricio because he won the game I got PoTS on. But I think I’m going to withhold that information of him winning his last game because I kinda wanna be allies.

First impressions of my tribe, they’re pretty cute I guess I like people well enough but I’m always nervous about pre existing relationships people may have in other communities so that’ll be fun to manoeuvre around my plan is just to lay low be social and hopefully not stick out as a target

deadass the challenge has barely started and wes already has 2 images.. meanwhile his ass has prob spoke in the tribe chat like once and he aint comin in  my pms anytime soon so. LAMJHNFG . better hope his social game saves him over the physical x

this is my 3rd one already but this is important. linus is the first person to say haha to me. TWO! FUCKING! HA'S!!!!!! JUST SAY LOL!!!! SAY LMAO!!! IDGAF!! Omg this is geniunely my pet peeve and i wanna scream a a a a a  a a a a a  aa

Man, I'm back with Tobi from Survivor Ko Chang and that scares me to death. He claims he wants to start on a clean slate with me and work together again, but I don't trust him one bit and the first opportunity I have to take him out, I'm gonna do it, cuz I can't have somebody like him around. Bad for my game.

On the other hand of the spectrum, I know Michael from Zwooper and we've always had a good relationship so I think that's one person I can fully align with right out of the gate. I've also worked up some social connections with Dani, Jose and Ahrre so far, and they all seem pretty chill for the most part.

Right now, my focus is to win. I'm gonna go hard in this first immunity challenge and rack up as many points as I can. Losing the first challenge always sucks and I wanna make sure that doesn't happen for me again.

Okay im like mad excited to play this game. One Ive been kinda down, and this should help me be able to invest my time into something and potentially help me feel better.

Seeing this cast. I love it. I have really only worked with Felix in a past org before but we havent talked in ages. So I dont have any past connections which feels great because I hate people assuming were working together because were friends?. So this wont happen this season which is great.

So far my tribe is okay. Havent had a chance to speak alot to everyone yet. However the people I have done are alright. So far my favorite person is Scott or Scooty Toots. Hes British as well as me, he's 18 and we're both starting University without a clue what were doing. Like twins?!? So hopefully he feels the same way about me too.

Alliances are key. I want to make a few smaller ones to form a majority for me. Like two allainces of three. Giving me 4 allies. Not sure if this will happen soon or not, but its my goal to take control of this game, as Ive never done it before. I dont want to come across as controling however so smaller groups is the way to do it in my head.

Omfg y'all...... The game started like maybe 16 hours ago and I have barely spoken to most of my tribe bc I was a lil busy last night & had some damage control to handle in EMVV but like..... ??? I already found the idol in the Play Room CTFUUUU. We fucking stan. I immediately told my son Scooty because he's my bae.... I haven't had my hands on an idol in an org since like...... 703 San Marcos when I was voted out w it in my pocket (i think?? i cant remember any others so..) so BEST BELIEVE I'm going to use this correctly. THAT IS MY MAIN MISSION. I'm craving that satisfaction of a successful idol play...... I would love to cross that off my imaginary org goals list..... BUT WHEW I'M PUMPED.

I am making a pact with myself to not be an overly annoying gamebot this season because I just wanna have fun with it and make it a chaotic season, and this lil buddy is gonna allow me to be as extra and messy and turbulent as I please <3 big dick energy

Helloo so here I am doing this org thingy so you're stuck with my thoughts of regret until I die, or you could just not read them that's also an option.

Anyhow god save the queen blabla after more time that it should've taken me I get that I'm in one of two tribes of 9 which is kinda good because with snaller tribes I feel lime everything is more claustrophobic and shit hits the wall the moment we lose a challenge. But with 9 players imo I feel more relaxed.

So summary of who am I stuck with, there are a few who I know from before so let's start with that.

First off Jose, already played an org with him and we were good allies so my first instinct was to call him a bastard and hey he took it well so hopefully it will be a smooth sailing with that lad.

But after Jose I don't expect the meta to be kind to me.

Michael and Mo were both in my last org and I blindsided them both. Tbh they were good allies until that point so I'm more than willing to work with them in this game, hopefully they feel the same way.

But anyhow then there's Felix who I think I technically played with? We meet during a merge and he went out early without us ever talking much so really this is gonna be my first time really playing with him, he's the only one that I haven't talked to yet though I hope he gets online.

Then there's Tobi. I've heard of him and from the get go he strike me as a very straight shoot-y player. Those are always interesting to play with so let's see how that goes.

There's Dani, she seems nice and compared to Tobi she seems more social instead of strategy focused but then again it's been one day and I'm talking out of my ass.

Then there's jaylen who seems nice aswell even if I haven't talked much to him.

And finally David the absolute unit, and I say that bc he instantly started focusing on the challenge, which is a breath of fresh air plus he's Canadian so what's not to like thus far.

Talking about the challenge I get anxiety by just looking at it, scavenger hunts are always hard for me bc I live with people and I want them to remain thinking I am a normal member of society so I always need to be sneaky to do this crap, plus I don't have a car or anything so I have to use public transport if I need to go anywhere.

Apart from that well I would like to set up a 5 man majority alliance just to be safe, my only fear is the ever so feared overplaying-doom. But I feel like someone like tobi would jump on that idea pretty easily so I'll have a chat with him about that idea.

Oh and also look at me I remembered to guess for the idol TWO times in a row. I could die this very same week doesn't matter that's already an improvement on my usual gameplay.

Hi since I’m required to do these once an episode, I’ll use this one to talk about my tribe and maybe a few on the other tribe that I saw were on.

Guacamole - They seem fun. I talked with them last night, but our convo went short because we played jack box together. They seem nice though.

Linus - Mix feelings. I can get a completely loyal Linus here, or a cutthroat linus, so I’m kinda wary right now towards him but the vibes I’m getting I don’t think he’s going to be an issue, atleast for now.

Madison/Madisin - She was also at the jackbox last night and I enjoyed her, she was dying laughing at the games and I thought she was funny. So hopefully I get a chance to talk to her today.

Malik - Who? Let’s not talk about that bitch.

Rhys - He literally waits until we’re in a game to talk to me, so I peep it. And you could say I should reach out to him but it’s annoying when I have and he doesn’t do it until we’re in a game together. Boggles the mind. If I can overcome doing that, so can you. But I enjoy our current coversation as of the moment.

Ryan - We just played Mount Olympus together recently and that was a bust for us both. I’m kind of hoping we can be on the same side since it’s been a while since that’s happened. However, Ryan says he just wants to have fun so I don’t fault him if he does crazy things down the road!!

Scooter - I don’t know about him yet. We haven’t talked at all but he seems interesting. Maybe I can give a better opinion when we talk.

Steven - Very hilarious and I’m also intrigued by him. His thinking and way of talking during the jackbox had me DYING I loved it. I think he’s my new favorite new person here so far.

Wes - I only saw him once but we haven’t talked yet so idk what to say. He said he’s from ndims and is an alias of someone, I just don’t know if I know the alias since I was on that site also. But hopefully it could be someone who knows me as Orlando.

Now for the people I know on the other tribe:

Ahrre - I cant stand him too much after our last season of JPORG. He has this self righteous attitude to him and I don’t like it. However, I warmed up to him a bit during the movie times we had been present for awhile back so hopefully if we see each other again, I won’t have that opinion anymore.

Big Tuna aka Danielle - YASSS I love ha! I know her from the Skype minis and she’s amazing. I hope I finally get to play with her for once in a non mini game ❤️

Felix - Felix is a fucking wildcard. I love him, but he has really pissed me off in games in the past, and I’m hoping this one won’t be like those other ones.

Jaylen - A mess but a friend! He plays how he wants and doesn’t care what people thinks or tweaking it to better it but that’s Jaylen for you! Accept it or don’t phew.

Jose - He’s a fucking snake at times LOL but he’s lovely. I wouldn’t mind too much of being on a tribe with him.

That’s all from me for now so hope I stay around longer to see how this season goes!

so the tea is that this tribe is drier than an old lady's pussy and its so hard to talk to these people... there are no personalities... the only people i feel mildly happy talking to are ahhre and jose... and the tea is that both of them asked to be allies w me im like o ok sis lets do this so i have at least like 2 votes i know abt... and i know david from a prior org but thats not really a good thing bc i fucked him over hardcore and like... he knows im a snake LKJHDFSLK I really don't know how to maneuver strategically with this cast butttt ill try my best hehe

Oh wow!! I can't believe I haven't made a confessional yet what a shocker. BUT HI! I'm kind of just trying to get myself acquainted with everyone in the group, I'm not as active as I'd like to be :C but I'm trying my best teehee. On the first night or so Linus, Malik, Stephen, Madison and I played Jackbox games and it was SUPER LIT and We bonded over that and I'm v happy about thatttt. (ofc I already know madison and I already love her but I haven't talked to her in game yet aklsdjf) I just started talking with Scooty today, or Scooty? I might just call him Scooty, ANYWAY yeah we got to talk about how we type similarly and that was nice, we bonded over that and it was littY. I also got to talk to Rhys!! He also seems like a neat guy - I still haven't talked to him a lot but I think he's cool. I honestly don't know who else is on the tribe, Wes and Ryan right? Wes and I talked a little bit, but barely. and Ryan hasn't talked to me at all lmao. Hopefully right now I've made enough connections though. I'd like to make tribe swap so I can meet more people and make friends lololol - wish me luck gang!

I’m getting along with everyone really well so I know I won’t be the first fine at the very least so I just need to lay low laugh and Kiki with everyone and hopefully I can survive for the long term

I’m doing the Scavenger Hunt and knowing me I decided to wait till the last two hours to do everything I can. So now I have an hour and a half to film a bunch of videos

Okay so talking to my tribe Im begining to feel less at ease with them. Mostly because most of them hardly seem to talk. Which dosent bode well for me. Could mean im on the outs and they dont like me. Or that They're all inactive.

Madison seems like the easy boot right now just because like, who?!?. Shes not been around Ive messaged her once and she left me on read.

So Steven had to leave but we still have to do the challenge as if he was competing which PROBABLY means were going to tribal. So ive been working on getting an allaince going. Ive talked to Malik and Brought the Idea of us forming a trio with someone. Luckly he picked Linus because I talk to him aswell. So fingers crossed we can get that going.

I also have a great feeling from Scooty aka scott. So like Hopefully i can get another trio with him going aswell. So then I will be solid untiill a swap.

I do have a concern that Scott and Ryan are close and Malik and Linus are close. More so that I would be their second choice out of the trio if one is made. However thats not going to effect me I dont think this early. So fingers Crossed.

uhm so!! STEVEN QUIT which im rly sad for two reasons. one for him bc i know he wanted to do well and i hope hes doing ok and i geniunely wish the best for him and the other reason is selfish bc i literally.. planted my seeds on him already? like. all that work for nothin. and now we sitting here actin as if madison aint afk and aint gunna submit nothing..

like its the only reason ive done these dumb videos so that i wont be seen as the weak link if we ever lose again almdlddg.. but uhm hopefully my seeds that are in rhys/jones keep me safe bc if madison gets out here i have ryan/rhys/jones to keep me safe.. so im not gonna be that upset if we lose LOL esp bc ik linus/malik r gunna be scary af later on

hopefully we win tho? so i dont have to deal with this stress? i dont wanna relive louvre where i visitted every single premerge tribal except for 2.. even tho i did well hehe uhm. YAH WE’LL SEE :)

I'm kinda bummed that this last challenge wasn't immunity anymore because we smoked the other tribe, LOL. But at the same time, I'm glad cuz I wouldn't wanna lose the challenge after one of my tribe members quit, that'd just be sad as fuck, LOL.

Also, I feel a good rapport developing further between Danielle and I. I feel like her and I can dominate this game together, but I can't get too ahead of myself here. The first couple of rounds are meant to create social bonds and I feel like I've done a good job of that thus far. Only person I haven't talked to is Jaylen and I'm okay with that, cuz if we lose the immunity challenge, he's most likely the first one to go.

Okay, thankgoodness that the challenge was changed to reward last minuet. Because we wouldve gone to tribal.  Maddison is legit missing. I dont even care if we win or loose this next challenge because she needs to go.

So firstly that reward was weird like woo thanks pretty crown but there’s nothing else so I’m thinking that someone else has the clue and my best bet would be jaylen bc he got the Crown Jewels the most important piece. Overall I’m very nervous for this battleship challenge because in my mind it’s mostly luck based so my fate is really out of my hands.

Well, not much honestly but I'm gonna write a confessional for round 1 and stuff so I don't get a strike

The game is going okay I'm trying not to be aggressive talking to people, but just letting people come to me and make conversation right now honestly I'm trying to play UTR since I think considering madison doesn't exist right now I think I'm able to do that TBH. Hopefully it all works out.

I volunteered to do the battleship challenge thing because I have no life and it looked like no one else was gonna volunteer.

I actually know Linus he played with me in Epic SBB in Hell, so that's nice to not be going in with no connections period.

Sorry this wasn't that long but it's something I guess

If we lose probably another confessional will be writen but right now there isn't much to report

I’m for sure feeling a little bit more nervous now because a lot of this challenge is about being organised and teamwork and we could barely have someone sit out so fingers crossed

Heyo so we won the challenge so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell but hey we've got bragging rights, which is pretty much it since unfortunately Steven was medevaced out of da game so even though the other tribe lost they didn't go to tribal.

A bit annoying knowing you did that for nothing but oh well the other tribe seems to be having a rough time by itself with steven quitting and someone (Madison I think) not submitting anything lol

And I say for nothing bc technically we won reward but it was one of those first come first serve things and I only got seved a jpg image so nothing fancy there...

But at least now the next challenge is something where 8 out of 9 people on the tribe don't have to do anything and you bet your ass after that first challenge I'm gonna be one of the 8. David the unit took it upon himself to carry us to victory so godspeed lad.

However this challenge is pretty luck based so I'm saying fuck that I'm not talking my chances.

Following last confessional I talked to tobi about making an alliance and he was onboard, he proposed to have Jose on it which is great since that was my idea anyways, plus I told dani and she was also on board, and to finish up the hipotetical majority of 5 she said he was cool with Michael.

I haven't talked to him yet and Jose hasn't been online but hopefully we should be fine.

Ngl would like to have an alliance with david and felix too, david bc he seems like a total lad with the challenges and Felix because he later told me he felt the most confortable with me.

But regardless hopefully we won't even have to go to tribal (and if we do at least there are other options for the vote)

For now I shall be the dumb cheerleader of the bunch for a game of battleship.

Ahhh, I feel so bad that I lost the challenge for my tribe. I feel like going into a challenge with the weight of the win or loss stacked against you is huge. But I did come REALLY close and my tribe seems to respect that I almost got us the win. I don't think I'll go anywhere tomorrow for tribal, but you never know.

Yesss we won immunity. I’m happy we could after Steven left. They made our challenge a reward for that and we lost but it’s fine because WE WON immunity phew. And it’s all thanks to Wes. So far to me, Madison is looking the easiest vote off right now because I haven’t talked to her and I haven’t seen her so that’s my view on it. The three I talk to the most on my tribe are Rhys, Linus and Scoots. Then Ryan and Guacamole. Then Wes and finally Madison. I hope this game doesn’t pull a JPORG Fitzroy Island, I don’t wanna be screwed over by a random ass tribe swap. But I basically dig my tribe and hope that I won’t be the first to go.

Whew we won?! What. I thought we were gonna fuckin loose. Noah fence Wes.

Sad tings though because Madison is probably going to strike out. Oh well.

Ya boi still hasn’t gone to tribal so stay mad.

It’s fucking gross having to go to tribal council and I can’t be dealing but I seem to have found myself in two alliances with only dani connecting the two so I’m gonna work with dani to ride this middle ground and make it further

I’m going home omfg. I can’t really have a deep convo with anyone, which means I don’t have an alliance even though I’m sure one has been made ugh. I’m gonna focus on surviving this round then seeing what I can get set up next round. Wish me luck whew

I’m pissed because it’s super obvious that the other 7 on my tribe are in a mega tight alliance. Steven was my only alliance in this hole game, and like, he even told me he found an idol and then on his way out he didn’t even slip me the idol??? Can’t wait to be voted out 7-1 because he wanted a souvenir.

So the tea is that ahrre and I made an alliance of 5 which includes him, me, Jose, Dani, and Michael which I think is cute but they are really boring so meh idk I’ll just flip during merge x JDJSJD I’m a messy bitch

ugh i'm so glad we won immunity bc our tribe is already severely lacking in strong members bc Steven left us out to perish and Madison aint shown her face yet... so the numbers getting back to even is great for us <3

Right so unfortunately we lost the battleship game so that means we're heading to the first tribal of the game, fun stuff.

Now as we lost I got the Me-michael-jose-dani-tobi alliance set up. Meanwhile Felix was telling me that for him it was between Jose or Jaylen, since they've been the least active. Understandable but more understandable is that I'm in an alliance with Jose so for me it seems like it's gonna be Jaylen, who I also haven't spoken much with so I don't mind, albeit every tribal we go to before swapping or merging I see it as a potential ally down the line going home, which shucks.

Either way the alliance (and everyone else for that matter) agreed on jaylen, I also told Jose in kind words to get his shit together before he gets sent home but that's pretty much it. I'm gonna try to lay down for now I don't want to bring any unwanted attention to myself.

Hopefully tribal goes well.

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo. Ok so currently the plan is to vote out Jaylen which I don’t have a problem with, it’s kinda sad because he is actually really nice but somewhat inactive. I’m on my way to get a burger and fries and I’m fucking ecstatic like I’m so fucking hungry it’s stupid. Also watch me get blindsided.

So we went into this chalenge on a high after wining the reward and I was the one who got the most points out of everyone :))). Although I’m nervous this will put a target on my back, I’m happy that I have kind of proven my dominance in this game! After losing the challenge, I’m upset!! This was all luck based which sucks! After that, I started talking more with Felix, David, Michael and Ahree. Within the span of like 30 minutes, I got added to 2 seperate groups. I was like “iiii” because this can get messy fast. Michael is in both of the groups as well so I don’t feel too bad because at least there is someone else in my position as well. I get along with Felix a lot and have had quite a few good convos with him! David seems to want to lead things in the group he made, which is whatever. Keeps the target off of me, especially if we go to tribal again. I expect to make more confessionals throughout the course of the game, usually videos but I’m pretty tired right now haha.

I just took a nap and there's no tribal and I'm always trying my best. My tribe doesn't hate me for some reason even though I sure would. Oh well. I really miss Steven I hope he's okay.

Steven quit half way through this episode. Then Jaylen was voted out 8-1. 

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 10 “The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess” (Zakriah)

(here we go yall lmao- pippa)

All along it was always me and Aro and that's how it's gonna continue to be until we're both voted out anyways. Idk Mitch has lied to me already twice now and I don't play baseball so there's no third strike here. Ofc Willow and Allie flipped on us and ofc it's just me and Aro like it always has been. And I can't wait to get 10th.

(a while later)

These people aren't even good at lying and Willow was trying to help me literally all along and she was right there literally was nothing she coulda done about it!!! I feel awful that I ruined any trust I had with her and I feel awful for cultivating a relationship with the wrong rookie on numakira. I'm just so fucked up rn and I knew it was happening too.

(later)

She's over here apologizing to Mitchell and NOT ME for this last vote when I literally just left the alliance chat! So that OBVIOUSLY tells me she has no intention of trying to work with me again after this and that pretty much me and Aro have no shot to make it any further in this bih

(even later)

Most of what I just said was very spur of the moment and I don't even remember half of it but tbh me and mitch are on the same wavelength rn and us and aro's lives basically depend on MY MORTAL NEMESES lexi and rtp

(so much later)

Mitchell and Zakriah's guide to surviving Tumblr Survivor: Solomon Islands Merged Tribe. Step 1) Vote with Allie against LA Step 2) Form a vets alliance Step 3) Steal Willow from Allie

(later isn’t even an option anymore)

LEXI AND ALLIE ARE IRL BEST FRIENDS WHAT THE FYCK IS THIS

(3 years later)

MITCHELL IS A FUCKING DETECTIVE HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS GAME IS TOO FUCKING MUCH HOW IS LEXI SO FUCKING STACKED WITH PREMADES IN THIS GAME I THOUGHT ME/ARO/LINUS WAS BAD WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK

(everyone has died, Zak is the only one left)

NO HOLY SHIT SERIOUSLY THIS IS LIKE WHEN IN A MOVIE SOMEONE FINDS OUT THAT THE PERSON THEY THOUGHT WERE INNOCENT AND LIKE THE GOOD GUY IS ACTUALLY THE DEVIL AND HAS BEEN BEHIND EVERYTHING THE WHOLE TIME AND THEIR FACE IS LIKE FLASHING EVERYWHERE THEY LOOK THAT IS L I T E R A L L Y ALLIE HOW DID WE NOT FIND THIS OUT SOONER OH MY LANTA

I just wanna say, Jacob, I voted Matt for you.

So there's literally no possible way I can win immunity - one of my two friends in the game exiled himself from the challenge and that leaves me next to be picked off from winning immunity along with Aro, LA, and maybe Allie too tbh. It's basically Allie/Lexi/Willow's comp to lose at this point and there's literally not a single thing I can do to give myself any edge to win at all. Out of nine people competing in this challenge only one person is working with me, and in a challenge that's essentially a popularity contest, 2/9 gets you nothing. I'm willing to accept the fact that Mitchell and I are completely screwed, and it's not helping that Mitchell is quite actually ostracizing himself from the rest of the people. I'm honestly praying he's hiding another idol from me at this point.

i know it's been a while since my last confessional and i don't wanna make a long one rn but allie's bitch ass

SO the plan for right now is to get the majority to split the vote between 2 of Me, Mitch and Zak. Willow is willing to flip with us so we can get ahead of the split and put 4 votes against Lexi or Johnny and get our minority asses back in this game. Not gonna lie Im having a blast being at the bottom with Zak and Mitchell even though Mitchell is kinda rude towards Willow >.> . We are basically the 3 amigos/ Witches Coven of the season but we will be successful know that!

Oh my GOD if I pull this off... If i pull off this 4-3-3 vote tomorrow night it WILL be the single best play I've ever made in a game. Like I'm honestly shaking. This is either aboutta go so horribly wrong and Willow is lying to us all or it's gonna go extremely well and I won't know until it's either me joining Jacob, Dana, and Matt on the jury or it's Johnny joining them. I have a vote negator, but my history with vote negators has not been a fun one. I would kill to have an idol, but if I make it through this vote, which would literally be the biggest miracle ever, I fully feel like I can retake control over my fate in this game. All hope may NOT be lost!!!

(a little bit later)

ooookay... So I just lost literal years of my life planning a Johnny blindside and now he's trying to take out Allie!!! Everyone is literally fucking VYING FOR OUR VOTES right when we thought it was a clear majority against us! What the fuck this game is so hilarious I don't know what the fuck to even say right now!

(yall thot huh)

Wow I can't believe we just orchestrated a 4-3-2-1 vote. Like imagine how lit it would be for the two people voted as most likely to be voted out next in the challenge were to literally take the 3-2-1 cirie patent vote and upgrade it to a fucking 4-3-2-1 vote! Im beyond shook at this like ive been spending the last three days absolutely certain I was gonna be the next voted out and now as far as I'm concerned I should only be seeing my name once or twice this round. I feel like ciera rn bc I'm making a big fucking move! Game changer Zakriah razzak!

Okay so I need to start writing more confessionals. BUT HOLY FUCK SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED. Okay so first to start off I won individual immunity, and I even had a one rope disadvantage, like how the heck did I do that! I mean it was just Touchy Subjects, but still, I never thought I was gonna be able to win a challenge lmao. Also I'm too tired to finish writing this confessional so I'm just gonna submit and write more tomorrow goodnight lmao.

If everyone's telling me the truth, which why would they, we get to make the sole decision on whether to keep around Johnny or Allie - the two people controlling the whole game. And the best part is that either one of them getting taken out is one less rookie to pick off me/mitchell/aro (and rtp and lexi but screw them), and then that plus my flare gets us at the very least a tie if we piss everyone off with this vote. But, hey, they left us in the dark last time, it's time for some revenge anyways! And then, after we finally get the upperhand again, we can avenge Dana too! I'm still out for blood rtp

(ive avoided this for days)

Mitchell is saying this tribal council is essentially a sitcom episode and if it is it would be called The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess

(he’ll be gone soon, don’t worry)

Literally we're looking at rtp targetting johnny but voting with allie bc he doesnt think theres numbers to get out johnny and so its "supposed" to be a rudimentary vote split against me 4-3-3 a la queen daisy peacebeuponher but IN ACTUALITY what we're looking at here is johnny reneging and trying to blindside allie in some kind of mess of a 5-3-2 vote WHEN REALLY willow is "using" the three of us to get out JOHNNY in a FUCKING CRAZY ASS 4-3-2-1 vote that's gonna be something like johnny-aro-alie-me and i honestly... LOVE THIS

OKAY SO LET'S FUCKIN DIVE RIGHT INTO IT going into last tribal something was a miss bc of a certain miss willow sayin cryptic ass shit like "i'm sorry i can't stop what's about to happen" and so i knew then that we were fucked. the suspense of waiting was alleviated by allie basically saying she flipped and it wouldn't be on me; i could've guessed it would be matt since she hates matt, but i never thought she'd actually flip and do it bc i don't see how any of us would benefit from leaving a solid 6 to form a very volatile merge but WHATEVER and then i exposed allie and lexi's pregame relationship and close irl friendship and thought i'd blown myself up, particularly after wILLOW TOLD ME SHE FUCKING ALREADY KNEW INSTEAD OF TELGKIEFFREFIURHDIF TELLING ME TO CHILL, and NOBODy seemed to think that it was a big deal. combined w that, i fuckin bought my ass a trip to the cave and couldn't compete in immunity so FUCK me but  then also... good things zak guilted willow HARD about what allie made her do, which was particularly effective bc willow already felt like it was bad for her game. so while allie is saying we should vote LA, then saying johnny and RTP told her no so we can't, i'm like... we need willow rn to flip on this dumb twerking girl who is so far up these kids' ass yet MIRACULOUSLY still has willow up hers??? and zak does in fact guilt her into trying to get everyone else to split the votes so we can do something like get LA out or whatever but i'm sittin here like... alright... who gotta go? and it comes to me. johnny the frat boy, my lover and archenemy!! miss chrissa and dana send their regards bitch!! it seems to me that johnny has a certain degree of control over LA and Luca, and as long as he's in a potential rookie or nuTemoana faction could be reunited or resurrected on his behalf. i don't want that. the game gets more open with him gone. so zak laid the groundwork for willow's flip, and i get to her and convince her the flip gotta be on johnny. it's almost too good to be true. a 4-3-3 vote agaisnt mr frat boy keeping i, mitchell kalabang, still in the game w my f3 of zak and aro and now w miss willow on our side??? FUCK YES and then zak finds a flare that allows him to burn someone's vote at a tribal council, which means if willow stick w us worst-case scenario at the f9 is rocks. things are fallign into place, i'm so JFIOHWEIODFH EXCITED BC it's gonna be HUGE and it's almsot too good to be true when johnny's frat boy ass says he wants to get out allie w me, la, zak, aro, and him. ????? johnny wants to flip on her ass bc of my expose about her and bc she's controlling willow. little does he KNOW that willow already flipped against allie and on HIS ASS and that allie is no longer a threat bc people know that she and lex are friends. so now johnny thinks it'll be like 5-3-2 or something but in actuality it'll be more like 4-3-2-1 johnny-aro-allie-zak which makes me sCREAM THAT"S  SO FUDI*CVJOWDIS FUCIING EBEAUTIONFGD BEAUTIFUL AND ICONIC but THEN RTP FIWEODJFD  COMES TO ME AND ASKS TO MOASMDFUIBHWENDS make a move against johnny and i'm all ike ???D<EKODJFKLJWD iorhejdgio YOUWDFI(JF hwo are you people giving such a clear mnoritjy THISF IOWJDMFIO much POWMERUIOFMWEIOFDJ POWER and he can't get LA on board so he resigns himself to the split vote between aro and zak tellign me about it even tho it's supposed to be a secret but little does he know that i already know about it and i also know that it's a farce bc willow flipped and that it's not even happening bc JOGNY flipped and rtp targets johnny who targets allie who splits the vote betwween aro and zak w rtp bc he can't get the votes aginst johnny while aro and zak are gonna tke out johnny bc WE have the votes and i'm CRYIORJHdf cryin i really think we might actually get the 4-3-2-1 and if that fucking happens i'll literally fuvkcixghnfei shit myself on call somehow i mitchell kalabang am coming out on top?? and i like johnny legitimately to some extent and he might want to work w me, but johnny has also lied to me and has multiple other deals and alliances, and i can't work w that if he's gonna keep shit shady. zak and aro have been loyal and honest to me since day 1 so i'm ridin w them boys and i hope you use all the money you're in charge of as treasurer of the frat to drink yourself into a stupor so as to neuter the humiliation ur gonna feel at being outmaneuvered by fuckin willow. ALSDOJQSOFD speaking of shady miss allie like... first she flip, then i find out she got a #secretpairbeware, and i'm like ???? this BTIHDCIH she might wanna F3 w me and willow but AGAIN how am i gonna play w u when u say shit like "i know you said you didn't wanna do this and take out matt and i respect it so i got literally the entire rest of the tribe to do it instead and against u without telling u haha we still good tho i own you and control you" she seriously got so cocky after that and so self-righteous in defending herself about the lex thing and it's like... girl how the FUCK am i still savin ur ASS after tonight LMFAO the #obvioustension i've felt between me and LA is gone i think, we've had some rlly good chats lately and welp it's gonna suck for her when i now snake HER but whatevs!! and RTP and i are prob good now too considering he told me about his johnny plot and then about the split. considerin i'm gonna do his work for him and oust johnny he shouldn't be too mad lol ! idol searching i fucking went into a cave and my choices were octopus and moray eel and y'all had to be fuckin kiddin ME but ofc the cave fucks me up AHFUIEWHD AGAIN and no second idol for mitcherell kalabganfger but whatevs Somehow, everything has lined up to give me an unprecedented amount of power for someone who felt helplessly on the bottom after Matt, who I feel was an actual tick in this game harming me more than helping me with his poor gameplay and social skills, was voted out. I think I've played an influential role in getting this vote together and in forming a group that can now move solidly forward. I just... if this all works I'm going to cry because RTP going for Johnny going for Allie going for Aro/Zak who're going for Johnny without RTP knowing is a fucking sitcom episode. I can't fucking breathe. If the 4-3-2-1 is what actually happens tonight i might literally cry laughing on call for tribal. mitchell kalabang is not dead yet!

also biggest VILLAIN?????? how the fUIHEWDRHJIernfuier what've i done this season but been lied to and love dana i jsut... and they fucked up w what they said bout luca bc now he's pissed and i'm all like... come to papa :)

IM STILL SO WORRIED EVERYONES LYING TO ME THOOOOO

Okay so, in Touchy Subjects I tied with Johnny in the category "If you could not win the game, who would you most like to see win". And I'm very confused by this because I literally thought I wasn't a threat to win at all. Johnny I understand, he's the one controlling everyone, he's the one calling the nuTemoana shots, and so if he made it to the end he would win no doubt. But me on the other hand, I haven't exactly done much, like I've tried to make good social bonds with everyone, and been honest with everyone, but yeah other then that I'm kinda confused how I got the majority in that category. Onto another topic though. I never thought I would ever say this, but I'm actually pretty damn excited to go to tribal tonight. I have individual immunity, so basically I 100% made it to single digit placements, which is amazing!! Anyway onto the vote. It's going to go great because Johnny thinks Allie is going home, but in actuality Johnny is going home. I guess I sorta convinced Allie, Lexi, and Ryan to split the votes on Zak and Aro. So the vote should go 4-3-3, if all goes according to plan. I'm really hoping this works bc Johnny wont expect it, and it'll get the biggest threat out of this game. I really like Johnny though so I hope he won't be too mad and that we can be friends once this is all over.