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#ive just had a lot of people in my inbox lately saying they wish they could enjoy things without feeling cringe and i need you to know
cemeterything · 2 years
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denying yourself enjoyment of things because you don't want to be 'cringe' is the most cringe thing you can do actually. like what are you, catholic?
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actualbird · 1 year
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merry xmas eve kuya zak!!!! sorry in advance if this is filled wiht typos i had my very first bottles of soju and san mig light tonight haha.
hope ur noche buena was fun <33 hope this year was good to u and i hope the next year is gonna b good to both of us
also if ur willing to divulge what was it first drinking experience like??? what did u drink and with whom and what did u feel the day after etc etc idk now that im tipsy i wan know how othe rpeople experience it
neway thank u for being here in general ur blog and ur fics brought me so much joy and im glad u made every wip and published fuc and every analysis and every silly and not so silly but sad headcanons
lotsa love !!!!
that one marikenyo In Ur Inbox All The Time
wahhh merry christmas, inbox-marikenyo :DDD!!! i saw this ask on christmas eve but during then i too was also drunk off a few cocktails and promptly passed out a little bit later orz
i had a great noche buena!! i kept falling into a food coma because i kept eating so much, as the lord intended <3 JHVSKJHFVSD. i hope you also had a great christmas eve and are having a lovely christmas day today ^w^
and as for ur q, my first Real drinking experience was at a party i went to on my last year of college actually in 2020 right before the pandemic hit omg, kinda "late" by some people's standards. i say Real drinking experience, cuz prior to that party i did drink sometimes, but never enough to get drunk!
at that party though, i was with my girlfriend and it was the party of her college org and i was continually handed drinks. i Definitely Got Drunk.
what did i drink? no idea. a mutual friend of my gf and i was mixing the drinks and i never ask whats in stuff, i just drink whatever tastes sweet enough or is drowned in enough soda that i can stomach the bitterness of whatever alcohol content is within.
how was i when i was drunk? the same way i am when i get drunk nowadays: absolute disaster jahsfvasfhasvkfjh. i tend to get loud and lose all my filter when im drunk. also clingy. two things i remember clearly at that party are
1 ) my girlfriend went to the bathroom and i sat on the floor texting another friend about how i missed my girlfriend So Much and i love her So Much. later, when my gf had to leave early before me, i loudly announced "IM GOING HOME, MY GIRLFRIEND IS GONE SO I DONT WANNA BE HERE ANYMORE"
2 ) i was talking to the mutual friend who was mixing the drinks and he was talking about how he plays billiards. i remembered how billiards gloves looked like (it's like a normal glove but two fingers are out in the open) and i said something along the lines of "oh my god so you wear the WHORE GLOVES. why are billiards gloves so fucking SLUTTY"
thats pretty much how i am when im drunk up to this day ajhfvajshf but i seldom drink enough to get to That point, basically only at parties since like, im not the one paying for the drinks LMAO. when i drink lots, i get drunk. but when i drink little, i just get sleepy.
and when i drink enough to get drunk, the next morning always has me regretting Every Decision Ive Ever Made because i always...always....forget to drink water the night before....people around me try their Best to hydrate me while im drinking, but i get stubborn and forgetful and when im handed water i just put it down instinctively and look for something sweeter and usually with alcohol in it and im caught in a vicious cycle that ends with a fuckoff terrible hangover
but it's nothing a soft boiled egg breakfast cant fix HAHA
hope that answered ur q :DDD!! and thank you for the well wishes and the kind words ;v; im really glad that the stuff i make here can bring joy, and i really hope i can make more things in the future
sending u all the love too, inbox marikenyo!!!
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timegears-moved · 9 months
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totk rant anon here once again! i see that you completed the dlc and got to the final cutscene with that other really sweet revali moment, which naturally i also love a lot. revali confirmed best babysitter!
also i feel like with this + the earlier cutscene, the dlc kind of recontextualizes what teba says to revali at the end of the main story, and i just think that's neat.
(teba, having watched the Great Master Revali Himself sit perfectly still for 8 hours straight because there was a small child sleeping on him: "this has been... enlightening.")
on a slightly different note, i know it's a bit late for a follow-up to the previous ask i sent, but just in case you haven't yet refreshed your memory on revali's original dialogue for the windblight intro in botw, the main points are:
-tells link to be careful, same as in the localization. though interestingly enough, he has dialogue warning link to keep his guard up a bit earlier, once link has activated all terminals, which DID actually get lost in localization. every other champion gives link a subtle warning ahead of time but for some reason only revali's was removed in translation (replaced by "flap to it!" which... doesn't really convey the impending danger as effectively, i feel.)
-"100 years ago i let my guard down/got careless and was killed by that thing ganon created." this is localized as the "only because i was winging it" line.
-states that while he'd rather not have to say this, he's counting on link to take revenge for him. notably, unlike in the localization, he does not use link's name here. in his original dialogue, he only calls link by name once in botw: at the end of his cutscene with medoh where he acknowledges link as the key to defeating ganon. with that in mind it's interesting that aoc revali addresses link by name from fairly early on (which is ALSO changed in the localization in That One Cutscene. make up your minds people!) perhaps a slight hint that this version of revali already acknowledges link and is just too tsundere to admit it?? who knows.
also you mentioned the "just a scratch" line from aoc so i feel obligated to mention that that's actually one of the most bafflingly hilarious localization choices i've seen, because. what he says originally. is more along the lines of "damnit!" and i really want to know who it was that came to the conclusion that the best way to translate that into english would be to have him say literally the exact opposite. it's not exactly out of character for him to try and brush off the danger he's in (though he does seem to be a bit more honest with himself when he's alone), but it's still. the complete opposite of the sentiment his original dialogue conveyed. and that's really funny to me.
WAIT SORRY IF IVE ANSWERED THIS LATE???? idk when you sent this but it literally just appeared in my inbox????? thanks tumblr for keeping me from my revali enrichment 🙄
YEAH I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT. the dlc makes that part of the ending soo much better. like seeing the revali is actually sweet and a big softie underneath his bravado is a lot nicer than just teba going oh he's a cunt actually.
omg yay i love learning more about how the english translation sucks. a lot of it just comes across as the translation team not wanting to acknowledge certain aspects just to exaggerate his dickishness or for comedy. i think revali making himself out to be very cool while also making stupid bird puns is ridiculous and wonderful and i love it but i wouldn't sacrifice genuine more meaningful parts of him for them.
the way the japanese version had revali not call link by his name until he could accept link as the better warrior is so small but says so much and it's just not as impactful in the english version?? like this is literally a plot point in the tp manga with midna not calling link by his name and when she finally does it establishes a turning point in their relationship and it means so much there, so i wish they kept it here. him using his name is aoc is interesting though. it's like some days he wakes up and decides to be a tsundere and other times not sjhdjdj.
LMAO i suppose it's an attempt??? at trying to get his character???? like they obviously can see that his attitude is a front. also that reminds me of how teba also says dammit in botw and who is letting these birds swear in these nintendo games.
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crowleying · 3 years
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Recruiting | gn!reader
Date: 24.03.2021
Pairing:  Ives x gn!reader
Reader's pronouns: they/them
Words: 2.331
Fandom: Tenet
Characters: gn!reader, Ives, Neil
Genre: Romance
Length: Oneshot
Warnings: Open ending
Requested: No
Prompts: No
Summary: Neil asks Ives, your future husband you still don't know, to help him recruit you.
A/N: It's my first time writing something with a gender neutral reader so I hope I didn't mess this up, if so please let me know so I can fix it. Also, I'm sorry for the requests still waiting in my inbox, my inspiration is all over the place lately.
English is not my first language so feel free to correct any mistake and I would love to know what do you think about it. REQUESTS ARE OPEN. I posted a List of prompts, so check it out! Let me know if you would like to be tagged in my works.
IF YOU LIKE MY WORKS, PLEASE REBLOG THEM
Masterlist
Ao3
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[ID: a gif of Ives wearing his military uniform. He turns to leave while saying "This is cowboy shit. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into if you go through that door. End ID.]
“Don’t,” Ives said grabbing Neil’s arm stopping him from getting up. It was one of the very rare missions in which Ives didn’t have to wear his gear. They were there to recruit you. Usually, Ives wasn’t involved in the recruitment, but nobody knew you the way he did. For this reason, Neil had asked him to join the mission this time. The two of them were sitting in a bar in their suits looking at you just a few tables away from them.
Neil turned to look at him confused. “What?”
“Don’t recruit them,” Ives said looking at him serious before glancing at you, busy with your book.
“What are you talking about? If we don’t recruit them, you two won’t ever meet,” he tried to make him reason.
“I can still go there and talk to them without recruiting them.”
Neil shook his head. “What is this all about?” He was starting to think it hadn’t been the best idea to take Ives with him.
Ives glanced at you then looked back at Neil and sighed. “It’s just… Our work is so dangerous, and it will bring so much pain in their life… I wish they didn’t have to go through that,” he said sincerely.
Neil understood but he knew there was no other way this could go. “I know, but they love this job, and they are our best agent, you know how much the world needs them.”
Ives sighed again and nodded. “I know.”
Neil patted his back. “Come on.”
“I’m just going to kill whoever hurts them,” he mumbled.
Neil chuckled. “I know you will.” Something caught his eye. “Oh, and take off your wedding ring.”
Ives looked at him as if he had suddenly grown two heads. “Are you crazy, they would kill me if I did.”
“I know but they can’t see you with the ring on now or they will think you are taken and won’t ever act on their future feelings,” Neil pointed out. Ives reluctantly took the ring off and put it on the chain of his dog tag.
They got up and walked to your table.
Feeling their presence next to you, you looked up and smiled at them politely. “Can I help you gentlemen?”
you asked noticing how handsome they were.
“May we join you?” Neil asked, since Ives seemed he had lost his tongue.
“Please, be my guests,” you said pointing at the free chairs around the table. You were curious to hear what they wanted from you. They clearly had a goal, it seemed as if they were on a mission.
They sat down and your eyes lingered longer on Ives. His blue eyes had captured you.
“I’m Neil and my friend here,” he gestured towards Ives, “is Ives.” You looked back to Neil and then again to Ives. “We are here to offer you a job.”
You looked at Neil wide-eyed. “What? You don’t know me, why would you want to hire me and for what job?”
“We have a feeling,” Ives said, talking for the first time and, boy, did that voice do things to you.
You stared at him. “Do you often hire people based on… feelings?” you managed to ask.
“Not exactly. We… kept an eye on you and we think you are the perfect person for the job. You would get to help a lot of people,” Neil explained, not quite satisfying you.
“Are you… are you secret agents?” you asked suspicious and a little scared. Those people had probably been following you.
“Something like that,” Neil said with a smile.
You stayed silent for a moment then gathered your things and got up. “It was very… creepy meeting you. Have a nice day, gentlemen.”
As you were leaving Ives pulled out a black business card from his pocket and handed it to you. “In case you changed your mind.”
You took it and looked at it. On one side there was written “TENET” and Ives’ name and surname in smaller letters, on the other side there was an address. You were unsure if you wanted to keep the card or not. You looked him in the eyes and decided to keep it, then you left. It was weird, you had no reason to trust them, in fact you knew that following common sense you shouldn’t trust them, but somehow you felt you could.
When you were out of earshot, Ives sighed and put his wedding ring back on. “They were right. It was very creepy, why did we do it this way?”
“Did you have a better idea?”
“I’m not the expert of recruitments, here,” he pointed out. “If I don’t get married to them it’s all your fault.”
Neil chuckled. “You already are married to them.”
It took you almost a week to finally decide to go to the address written on the card. You had looked “TENET” up on the internet, but you hadn’t find anything. So, either it was a super-secret agency, way more than CIA, KGB and MI6, or the men had lied. Somehow, the fact that there was nothing about that online, made you think that they were telling the truth. They had made quite an effort for the business cards, why not going all the way and create a website too to make their lie more believable, if they were lying? Right?
You simply couldn’t stop thinking about it and obviously the only thing you could do to be sure was to go and find out more.
You were surprised to find yourself in front of one of the most central and beautiful buildings of London. You checked the address twice to be sure it was the right one. It seemed it was, so you walked in and looked around. You spotted a receptionist behind a counter. You walked closer.
“Good morning. I’m here to see… Ives? Or Neil?” you said, sounding less sure than you would have liked.
“What’s your name?”
As soon as you told him your name, he nodded. “Please, follow me, Neil is waiting for you.”
Of course he knew you were arriving. You followed the man through a long corridor and then up the stairs. The place was quite busy, so you had to slalom between the people moving around. Some looked at you as if they knew you, other didn’t even look your way.
The two of you stopped in front of a door and your chauffeur knocked. A voice from inside, invited you in. The man opened the door and announced you, then let you in. Neil was there, standing behind a desk, smiling at you. He went around the desk and offered you his hand. You shook it and then you sat down as he had invited you to do.
He turned to the man that had led you there. “Please, ask Ives to come here, he should finish the training in a few minutes.” The man left and Neil went to take his seat behind the desk.
“I’m happy you came,” he said, and somehow you knew he was sincere.
“But you already knew I would, didn’t you?”
He smiled. He did. “I know this might sound a little odd, but I would really like for you to work with us. Our organization’s aim is that of preventing terrible things from happening.”
You stopped him before he could go on to explain whatever it was they did. “How is it possible that there is no record of your organization anywhere?”
“It’s because it is a very secret organization. Nobody can know about its existence.”
You weren’t fully convinced but you let him go on.
“Look, I think your knowledge and your abilities would be very helpful for us. Of course we would train you and brief you on everything you need to know to work with us. I can’t be any more specific unless you accept the job and pass the basic training.”
You snorted. “Of course.”
You heard the door behind you open. You turned and saw Ives coming in wearing his training clothes and he had no right looking that good in them. “You wanted to see…” he couldn’t finish the sentence because he noticed you and looked at you as if he didn’t believe you were really there and maybe a bit as if you took his breath away.
“Hey,” you let out.
He swallowed. “Hey.”
“Come in, Ives. I was telling them about the training, but I’m sure you could explain it better,” Neil said with a knowing smile.
“Yeah, I could give them a tour of the facility,” he replied, still looking at you.
“This is a great idea.” He got up and so did you. You shook hands.
“I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
“Of course, you’re always very sure I’ll come back,” you pointed out.
He simply chuckled.
Ives held the door open to let you out and glanced at Neil who winked at him. Then he followed you out and closed the door behind.
“This way.” He showed you the way and you walked next to each other towards the nearest elevator.
“I don’t know what Neil told you, but I guess it’s not much,” he finally spoke as you reached the elevator, and he pressed the button.
“Nothing really. He just said that he can’t tell me anything unless I pass the basic training,” you replied.
He finally looked at you and smiled. You hadn’t seen his smile before then. It made his eyes shine. “You will.” The doors of the elevator slid open and the two of you walked in. “That is if you decide to join us, of course.” He pushed one of the many numbers. You were quite surprised to see there were so many and most of them seemed to be underground.
“And you know I’ll pass it because?” you asked arching your brow.
“Because I’d be the one training you,” he replied amused.
“Oh, I see you are all very sure of the future.”
“I guess you could say so,” he confirmed nodding.
You looked at each other for a long moment, nobody said anything. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Ives stretched an arm, inviting you to leave first. You stepped out and he followed you. You were several floors underground and everything looked very different and more modern there.
“I’ll show you how we train. It’s very similar to how they do it in the military,” he said walking closer to walls in which there were big windows that allowed to look down in a huge gym where people were either fighting or running or climbing the walls.
“See? Nothing too hard.”
“Are you saying you think I couldn’t do anything harder than that?” you asked pretending to be offended.
He smiled amused. “On the contrary, but I don’t want to scare you away.”
“Now you’re implying that I’m easily scared,” you pointed out, unable to hide a small smile.
He chuckled. “If you were, you wouldn’t be here.” He had a point.
“Come, there is more.”
You followed him through a door and found yourself in the firing range. You looked at the people that were already shooting there and for a second your mind played a weird trick on you because it seemed like instead of shooting, they were calling the bullets back to their guns. It lasted just a second, though, because then, Ives handed you earmuffs and glasses. You wore them and followed him to the nearest firing point.
“Have you ever shot before?” You shook your head. You thought he would have simply shown you how to shoot. You didn’t expect him to ask you to shoot.
“Come here,” he said in an unexpectedly delicate way. You just couldn’t resist, any doubt you were ready to voice was forgotten. You went closer to him. You took warily the gun he was handing you and he positioned himself behind you. He took your hands holding the gun in his and started explaining how to aim but you could barely focus on his words. Having him so close made it hard to think about anything that wasn’t his body pressed against your and his breath tickling your ear.
“Shoot,” he said, and you, without thinking, pulled the trigger. The bullet ended up exactly in the centre of the target, but you were sure it was all thanks to him holding your hands steady. A shaking breath left your lips and you put the gun down.
“Wasn’t hard, was it?” he asked with a smile, pulling back.
You shook your head and took off the glasses and the earmuffs. He took them and the gun and gave it back.
You took the time to calm down.
“Ready to continue?” You nodded and followed him again.
He showed you other training rooms and explained probably more than he should have but the visit ended way too soon anyway.
“I’m afraid that’s it for the moment,” he said when you arrived in the entrance hall.
You nodded. “Well, thank you. It was a pleasure,” you replied offering him your hand.
He shook it. “For me too. I hope it convinced you to join us…” he said looking sincerely hopeful. You wandered if he was like this with everyone.
You offered a small smile. “I will think about it.”
He nodded and you stepped away to leave. You were already halfway to the door when you stopped and turned to look at him. He was still standing there looking at you. “In case I refused, would I still be able to see you again?” you asked.
He hesitated and took a couple step to close the distance between you.
“That would be very hard. My life… My work is my life, and it is a work that doesn’t really allow us to have a life in the outside world… I’m not sure it would work.”
You pressed your lips together and nodded, then turned away and left.
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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years
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hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .
if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation
Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh
this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.
Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 
i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho
speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible
tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 
Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏
how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???
'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 
about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.
you are the only funny person on this hellsite
how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.
Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)
check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)
dick grayson but he's nicki minaj
his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 
Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol
you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link
...
why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.
Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery
ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.
i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD
THANK YOU
bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.
people tend to do it in the bathtub.
WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns
i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think
lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.
if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk
i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.
saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3
literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.
I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.
fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)
It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece
OH my god dude lmao
there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more
it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )
i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)
shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.
Wait, hear me out
Bernothy @redlightofdawn
great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname
Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?
Wait no, I regret sending that ask
these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.
crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-
WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY
Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol
she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.
Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god
lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.
Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like
send to me or lose a toe
🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋
thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/
⬆️
This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.
Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 
fanksss also lmao.
That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but
There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?
oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.
"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure
yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.
I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!
haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.
Doot doot!
noot noot
I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me
lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.
sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"
lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 
(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”
yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.
so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side
i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’
ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.
wow. the IMPACT.
Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝
this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.
Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.
May I ask where your username originates from?
yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.
yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim
no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 
How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited
fenomenal next question.
Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that
(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)
i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts
You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel
you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.
Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 
he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.
Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.
lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy
stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀
oh yes it is my darling.
did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily
no he did it bc fuck the french.
im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist
okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.
your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue
i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.
suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩
sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.
Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit
yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW
Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics
clark reads smut confirmeeed
NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector
that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.
One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy
literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.
superfam and batfam associations??
-batman and superman
-dick/barabara and supergirl?
-conner and tim
-jon and damian
pls enlighten me I am confused
nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl
I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)
sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.
good human what are your pronouns?
wouldn’t you like to know?
I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes
everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont
don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily
dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants
Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.
damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo
Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨
stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!
All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 
batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.
I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this
vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.
seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go
emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet
People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.
dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME
dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet
all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise
bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves
thoughts on teen titans and young justice
haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!
ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them
log off tumblr?
Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc
huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.
I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something
fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.
lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 
unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right
why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf
idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)
There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.
all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you
is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa
no. find her as owa owa as you want.
aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:
1. tim
2. Steph
3. dick
4. Duke
5. the rest
you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED
oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs
i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.
dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.
super random but
jason 🤝 damian
old english
lmao fair enough.
tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.
yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.
I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.
i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.
so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?
no. dunkin donuts all the way
One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker
now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao
my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context
bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.
crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown
SO CRAZY HUH?
batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink
absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.
unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator
dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.
When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution
bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.
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mearcatsreturns · 3 years
Note
15 for Abby/Luka
For reasons ;)
Under a cut because it's long.
July 2003
To: Luka Kovac <“[email protected]”>
From: Abby Lockhart <“[email protected]”>
Subject: I’m drowning and praying ghosts are real
Dear Luka,
Something about knowing that I’ll never talk to you again is just unbearable. I’ll never laugh at your malapropisms, look into your beautiful eyes, feel your strong hands holding mine, or make love to you again. There won’t be any more jokes about jam and cheese on toast, or you teasing me for my weak but constant supply of coffee. I’ll never hear your amazing, deranged laughter after you prank someone again. No more of your hugs—which are somehow the best hugs in the world. Because you’re gone.
It’s been three days since we got the call telling us you died thousands of miles from home, whether that’s here in Chicago or in Croatia. I didn’t know your dad’s name, Luka. We needed to call him, and I didn’t know. How did I not know? And now I can’t. I mean, L’Alliance told us his name, but the fact that I’ll never learn pieces of your history, of the wonderful man you are, FROM you...how am I supposed to go on and live my life?
For years, I’ve thought medicine was my great thwarted love. I’ve wanted to be a doctor for so long, and I thought I was bitter about having to let go of that dream. Now I wonder. I let obstacles get in the way of pursuing medicine, and it’s made me...well, it’s part of why I was so unhappy. But that makes me think about how I also let obstacles get in the way of us. I was happy with you, you know, until I let fear and my mother and Carter get in the way. God, I wish I could do that over again. We could have had everything, and if I hadn’t gotten in my own way, I’d be happy. I think maybe I could have made you happy, too.
It’s funny. I knew things with Carter weren’t working, and he implied you were part of it. I said it wasn’t, but then five minutes later, I found out you were—are—dead. And I realized you were the reason, or one of the big ones. As soon as Chuny told me, I knew I loved you and had loved you for years. Yeah. Great timing, isn’t it? I keep thinking that maybe I could have kept you from going if I had known or if I had told you. I didn’t want you to go when I thought you were my very attractive friend and ex that I still was fond of. Knowing that I love you—how do I move past that? Knowing that I lost you, first to my stupidity and then to death?
I just...I miss you, and I don’t when I’ll stop, or how to. Susan caught me crying on my last shift, and I didn’t even know what to say. I feel like I’ve been crying or standing still, brittle and stuck in time, since I heard the news. I can’t, Luka. I know I have to keep on moving, and I thought maybe writing you would help. I know you’ll never see this, never have a chance to respond. But the idea that some fragments of your soul linger and can maybe sense...I don’t know. That I’m writing? What I’m feeling? Jesus, this is crazy.
All my love,
Abby
Abby angrily swipes the tears from her eyes. God, what’s the point of writing this? He’ll never see hsi email or her again. Just...without Luka, how can the world be anything but grim and sad and pointless?
She laughs mirthlessly. Maybe it doesn’t matter. No, she knows it doesn’t. Because Abby knows the futility of it, aches with the meaninglessness, she presses send without another thought.
&&&
Three days after that, a miracle occurs. Luka, the Lazarus of this new millennium, comes back from the dead. He’s never been dead, and maybe, Abby thinks, there’s a God above after all. So many people wish for this exact boon, and she—they, the world—gets it. Some higher power believes this planet is a better place with Luka Kovac in it, and Abby is ecstatic.
Until she remembers the email and that they can’t be unsent.
It’s fine. She’ll be fine. Luka is coming back, apparently with a French nurse. Maybe he’ll just delete it without reading it. Maybe it didn’t go through—how does email work for the dead, and how quickly is all that processed?
Abby shakes her head. It doesn’t matter; Luka is alive and returning to them. She can handle a little awkwardness in the face of the sheer joy of knowing the world is a brighter, kinder place. He’s coming back, and that’s what’s important.
&&&
August 2003
It takes Luka almost a week after returning to Chicago to convince Kerry and the other staff to let him go back to his apartment. Even so, they only agree when Gillian assures them she’ll see to his every need.
Abby winces when she hears that, and it makes something flutter in Luka’s chest. Which probably isn’t good for his malaria, but the hope...that is.
It’s another two days of lying in bed before he has the energy to ask Gillian to bring him his laptop. At this point, it’s been months since he’s checked his email, and Luka grimaces at the undoubtedly horrible state of his inbox. He briefly considers never checking again and just getting a new one, but he knows his father struggled to add him to his contacts once already. To expect it of him again would be absurd.
With a sigh, Luka opens his email. It’s just as bad as he feared. He snorts at the myriad messages about Viagra, Nigerian princes, and Russian brides, deleting them without thought. He saves a couple from his dad. He slowly whittles down his inbox, but he freezes when he gets to one email in particular, sent about a month ago.
It’s from Abby, during the time everyone thought he was dead.
Luka considers calling and asking her if someone hacked her email or is sending spam from her account, but the subject line...it looks real. And Abby’s been odd around him lately, seeming both deliriously happy to see him and awkwardly nervous.
His heart pounds, and he clicks to open it. If this is a spammer, they’re probably about to get whatever they want.
&&&
Abby pours herself another coffee, internally swearing as she prepares for the last two hours of her shift. Deciding to go back to school is great; having to coordinate all the details is less thrilling and leaves her tired and cranky.
Frank ducks his head into the lounge, beady eyes narrowing on her. “Hey, Abby. The Croat is on the phone for you. Line 2. Try to get back out there as fast as you can, Weaver’s yelling at the med students about IVs.”
“Okay, Frank,” Abby says, though she flushes and her palms start to sweat. It’s fine. She can always hide the panic and butterflies in her stomach with sarcasm. It has yet to fail her.
Frank gives her one last suspicious look, then nods and heads back to Admit.
Abby takes a deep breath, then picks up the phone. “Hey, Luka?”
“It’s me. Glad I could reach you. How are you?” He sounds...ugh. So good. And eager and happy, and her heart could leap right out of her chest.
“Doing all right. I just have a couple hours left on this shift, and it hasn’t been too awful today. Only one MVA. How about you? You feeling okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Recovering. Listen, did you want to come over for dinner?”
“Please tell me you’re not trying to cook.”
“What? I’m a good cook, even if you don’t appreciate wonderful, traditional Croatian dishes,” he says with a chuckle.
“Luka, you just got out of the hospital five days ago. You still need to be resting.”
“Abby, don’t worry so much. I was just kidding. I have some sandwiches from Manny’s, and Anna sent me home with lots of matzo ball soup too.”
Abby bites her lip. Of course she wants to go. But the prospect of spending the evening with Gillian cooing over Luka, knowing that she shares a bed with him, is decidedly less appealing. And there’s the email she sent, which Luka hasn’t acknowledged. He might well have deleted it, or he’s giving her a gracious out.
Her conscience twinges as soon as she thinks about bailing, though. Didn’t she promise herself she wouldn’t take life for granted anymore? She’ll go back to med school, she’ll have dinner with Luka when he asks.
“Abby?”
She starts, realizing she needs to respond. “Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I can do that. I can be there an hour after my shift, if that’s okay.”
“Sounds great. Looking forward to seeing you.”
“Me too.” He has no idea how much, even if she wishes she knew for sure that he’d deleted the email.
&&&
Abby rings Luka’s doorbell three and a half hours later. She’d meant to come straight from work, but after a patient vomited on her, she decided to head home, shower, and splurge on a taxi to Luka’s. The poor man is recovering from being deathly ill and doesn’t need County’s fumes making things worse.
There’s the sound of the deadbolt sliding, and Luka answers the door, grinning happily at her. “Good, you made it! Come on in!”
“I did. Sorry it took me longer than expected.” Abby steps into his apartment, looking around. It’s been such a long time since she’s been here, and she notes the subtle changes in the art and decor.
“No worries. I know how it goes.” He places a hand at the small of her back, guiding her inside.
Abby stiffens for a second at how his touch burns even through the layers of her shirt and light jacket, but she relaxes, enjoying the feel while she waits for Gillian to appear and end the fleeting joy.
Luka is unfazed. “Now, of course we can just eat the sandwiches, but if you want to heat up the matzo ball soup, you can. Since you don’t want me standing,” he says with a wink.
Abby smiles back, shaking her head. “Oh, I see how it is. Make the woman who worked all day do more household work when she gets ho—wait, where’s Gillian? Isn’t she supposed to be taking care of you?”
“She’s not here,” he says simply.
Going to the fridge and taking out the containers of soup, Abby places them in the microwave. Is Gillian out for the evening, or is she gone gone? “Shouldn’t you be with her? Or her here with you, whatever.”
Luka is quiet for a long minute, and Abby wonders if he intends to answer. Finally, he breaks the silence. “I asked her to leave.”
Abby’s pulse speeds up. “What? Why?”
Luka takes a deep breath, clearly ready to respond, and—
The microwave dings, and they both jump. Exchanging a sheepish look, they laugh.
“Look, let’s get some food, and I’ll tell you all about it.”
Abby dishes up their soup and sandwiches, preparing trays so they can sit on the couch. Luka turns on the television, and Abby’s heart rate comes back under control. They sit together in companionable silence while they eat and watch Thom and Jai and the rest of the Fab 5 whip some hapless lawyer’s life into order. When they finish their meal, Abby cleans up, taking the trays back to the kitchen.
She heads back to the couch at the opposite end from Luka, not daring to get closer when she really has no idea what’s going on.
Luka clears his throat and mutes the TV. “So, yeah. I asked Gillian to leave.”
“Oh. So, um, did you break up?”
“She was never my girlfriend, really. She has a boyfriend back in Montreal, they just…” Luka shrugs and runs a hand through his hair.
Abby is more lost than ever. “Ah.”
Taking a deep breath, Luka continues, finally looking over at her. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful she helped me get here and took care of me, but we were never serious.”
Something starts to tug at Abby’s heart, squeezing and twisting and kicking to get free. Is it...hope? “Well, I’m glad she got you here safe, but you should have someone staying with you while you recover, Luka. Malaria is dangerous.”
He gives her a look. “I know how dangerous malaria is. I’m getting better. And besides, it wouldn’t have been fair for me to ask her to stay when things are over because I’m in love with someone else.”
Her heart leaps into her throat. “Someone else?” she squeaks.
Luka nods, swallowing. “Yeah. And I have a reason to think she might be in love with me too.” He slides over to her side of the couch, reaching for her hand.
Abby meets his eyes—those beautiful green eyes that are the best color in the world—and squeezes his hand, incapable of words. Does he mean…?
With his other hand, Luka reaches up and cups her cheek, running his thumb along the subtle arch of her cheekbone. “Abby, if you’ve changed your mind since you sent that email, please tell me to shut up.”
That stupid, ridiculous email might be the best thing she’s ever done in her life. She leans into his hand, licking her lips as she shakes her head slightly. “I haven’t changed my mind. I didn’t mean for you to see it and hoped I could learn how to hack computers and delete it but—”
Luka cuts her off. “I would never forgive you if you managed to delete it. You wouldn’t believe how much faster I healed after that.”
Abby leans forward, sliding into Luka’s waiting arms. “Then maybe I’ll write you some more emails.”
“Emails aren’t what I want right now,” Luka says.
Funny, Abby doesn’t either. Then his lips brush hers, and all her worries and fears fade away. She knows she has to tell him about med school and he needs to finish recuperating, but when Luka deepens their kiss and pulls her closer, Abby ceases to think at all.
She has Luka back, and now they have each other again.
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I posted 225 times in 2021
11 posts created (5%)
214 posts reblogged (95%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 19.5 posts.
I added 25 tags in 2021
#ask - 7 posts
#tag game - 4 posts
#:d - 2 posts
#art - 2 posts
#tag - 2 posts
#tags - 2 posts
#post - 2 posts
#text post - 2 posts
#(gives one flower to pickle ) - 1 posts
#hehehehe want to whump them again - 1 posts
Longest Tag: 95 characters
#can't say anything a about geometry cause our teacher decided to skip those chapters every time
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
You've been visited by the random OC question fairy! :D ~☆
Pick five of your character's most influential milestones (moving away from home, a first kiss, a death, etc.). Why and how did these milestones affect your character?
Hello !! Thank you for the fairy ask question nnn I must apologize first cause answering this very late eeeshshs !
I will talk about milestones of an OC in an rp ive been doing with @1phoenixfeather . The OC is Alex with they/them pronouns .
Alex is a grade A hacker and that means lots of people want to hire them to do their work. At first Alex was basically just doing freestyle hacking by erasing the loans of struggling people and other stuff here and there . At some point they got a rival who tried as lot to be firends with Alex but Alex didn't want the risk. So they spent a lot of time just dodging and avoiding their rival.
After the things with the rival cools down , Alex's father finds out about their high risk hobby and just takes Alex away from all this stuff. At first of course Alex isn't happy with this but their father manages to make Alex agree to quit hacking .
Life starts to look for our hacker OC but their father dies after some time and that's a hard blow for Alex . in order to honour their dad Alex does keep their promise of quitting hacking . And they just work and get a job in a company working on numbers all day.
Aaaaand since they're the whumpee in the story we ain't letting em go this easy lmaoooo ! So just one day Alex is working and the whumper of the story comes and takes away Alex . why ? Cause in the past Alex had helped someone with encrypting a device and it is very hard to decrypt heheheeh so Alex gets taken and lots of whumpy stuff happens and ( did I mention the rival ? Oh yeah they come too ) .
That's it , I don't think I wrote five milestones , only two or three cause the rp is still going hehehe .
Thank youuyuu again for sending the askkk hope you have a good day :D
3 notes • Posted 2021-07-06 19:09:17 GMT
#4
Hi! If you get this, answer with three random things about yourself and send this to the last seven blogs in your notifications – Anonymously or not! Let’s get to know the person behind the blog!
Hello nonny ! Sorry this ask has been in inbox for so long even you must have forgotten about it fjjdhdjdhd but thank youuu hope you're having a very very good day/night :D :D .
Hmm mm three random facts
1.I'm the eldest but my tiny brother is now taller than me and I am always jealous.
2. I wish to become an evil scientist :D . ( as in wear a white lab coat and I get to do the mad scientist laugh he hehe hehe )
3. Winter's my fav season period.
4 notes • Posted 2021-07-06 19:39:49 GMT
#3
♡♡♡♡ send this to the twelve nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome
HIIII ! ( sorryyyy for answering this very very lateee ) AND THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS TO ME IT HAD MADE MY DAYY :D :D :D .
And oh ohhhhhhh AWESOME friend thank you so so much for being incredible kind and listening to all my ramblings and especially for the YouTube recs !!!!!! Hope you're doing well and sending good vibes your wayyy
“ψ(`∇´)ψ“ψ(`∇´)ψ“ψ(`∇´)ψ“ψ(`∇´)ψ
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4 notes • Posted 2021-07-06 19:16:07 GMT
#2
BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you're supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone think you're beautiful inside and out! 💝💖💐💐
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Djsiidosisosieodiodjd thank so much !!! You are amazing and super awesome !!! Made my day
6 notes • Posted 2021-01-25 06:34:05 GMT
#1
I JUST REALIZED I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO SAY ORANGE (THE COLOUR) IN PASHTO FOR MY WHOLE LIFE 😭😭😭
IM OVER HERE STRUGGLING TO DIFFERENIATE BETWEEN "SHEEN AND TOAR CHAI" YOU OVER THERE JUMPING TO ORANGE DJWJHFISHDISHDIDHIDS ITS NARINJII BTW
13 notes • Posted 2021-11-25 02:48:33 GMT
Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →
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lesmismignon · 3 years
Text
replying to anon messages
In this post I shall reply to the messages that have been sitting in my inbox for a regrettably long period of time. (It is loooooong. Please click “keep reading” at your own risk.)
I’m not a very good correspondent. I’m very sorry. I never know what to say right off the bat, and then during 2019 and 2020 when I was mostly on hiatus, I would just post a chapter or two and poof back out, and on Tumblr I would browse a few things and then poof back out. I do not have a good track record with social media and online presence in general. And with real life problems (mostly due to work), at worst it was impossible to muster even the strength to write. It was maddening.
But there is something about Hellsing and its fandom that reels me back in even when I am far away. Excuse me if this sounds cheesy, but for me fandoms are like the orbit of a comet. If it is something that you loved, and will continue to love even when you are not “active” on it, you will come back to it, someday, somehow. I’ll always be grateful to Hellsing, for being an inspiration to write, for being a bridge to some of my dearest relationships, for some of the kindest messages I’ve ever received in my life.
you freed yourself for a job that was not good for you and related to toxic people (Integra-like – demanding the respect you deserve). That is badass brave – and that doesn’t become less by that fact that maybe the next job you got is not the end of the journey but still part of the way. And you are brave by sharing your work, sharing your stories revealing parts of your emotional world to the outside – that is totally bad as too. I think you can be very proud of you, really. So maybe right now, you might be in situation that does not yet make you happy in way you deserve it. But you know- there is big chance that this is part of your journey to this place – imagine, in some time from now, you may be a successful (brilliant you are already) author and in an interview you say something like “yes, back there in 2016/17 I went through some tough times, that influenced the work very much I got this price for today”. So just in case you maybe cannot see it right now yourself – please allow me to tell you – you are brave and wonderful. And re. the brave decision you mentioned – I know I am not in the position to tell you anything – but please do not do any harm to you. So, thank you so much for your work you share with the world, my life is better with it. Take care for yourself, you deserve the best. (so sorry, I am really not good with words, hope you get my point….)
Anon, this was the kindest thing you could have ever done for little 2016/17 me. Oh God. Time does fly by so fast. I want you to know that I read this message a long time ago, and it gave me strength to go on, even though I’m not sure if I am so brave, to be compared to our lady Integra >< I hope you are happy and safe, wherever you are. I hope you know how brave and wonderful *you* are. Thank you so much.
just wanted to drop by and say I love all your fanfictions! You capture Integra and Alucard's characters so well; I LOVE it. Take all the time you need updating. You deserve it. And good luck at your job! <3
Ah, I probably changed jobs like twice since then. But they have been all good and meaningful in their own ways. I really did not mean to take THIS long in updating but I hope that you enjoyed the recent updates if you are still reading, thank you so much!
Why can I not write here? I just wanted you to know I am grateful for the reading joys that are 'Snow White' and 'Satis'...
Thank you Anon! I am so glad you enjoyed them!
I LOVE SATIS SO MUCH YOUR WRITING IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND FLOWY AND IT MAKES ME CRY PLEASE KEEP UP THE BRILLIANT WORK!!
Thank you Anon! You give me too much praise, but I shall indeed try to keep it up!
Hey so please don't take this as me pressuring you but I absolutely adore Satis! Is there any chance we might know when the next update is coming in? Totally understand if not- it sounds like work is taking a lot out of you and I understand that you're writing fan fiction purely for fun but DAMN IF I DON'T WANT TO READ MORE OF YOUR FIC OMG I LOVE IT SO MUCH ASDFGHJKL!!!
I’m sorry it’s been ages! I’ll tell you my schedule(???) for this year instead! For this year of 2021 I really hope to average maybe at least 1 chapter a month but I don’t know how I’ll fare during the busy months. I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters if you are still reading!
@fierce-little-miana Can you believe that I have just noticed that I had given you any kudos for Snow White or Satis?! Sorry! Your stories are really worth all the praise we can give them. (so I corrected it) Have a nice day!
Thank you! I’m terribly sorry for this late reply. You’ve been so kind and sent so many lovely messages. Thank you again for each and every one of them!
@sinish-tem Hey sorryy for bothering you but. That ALutegra fic was AMAZING!!I LOVE IT!Amazing job sport<3
You’re not bothering me at all! Thank you old sport!
So I don't mean to rush you or be annoying or anything, but is Satis still happening? (plz plz say yes)
You’re not being annoying! I’m sorry it took so long! Yes :)
Hello! So, um, I have to ask... is Satis going to be updated? It’s just that it’s one of my absolute favorite stories by my absolute favorite author!
Thank you! I’m honored! I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters if you’re still reading!
Hi! Are you still around? Are you doing ok?
Yes, I am fine now, thank you :) I hope you are doing well, too!
@aniphine Hi! First off, I want to say that I absolutely love your writing style and am so looking forward to diving into all of your fics! I just finished Satis and it’s definitely in my Top 10 Fanfics ever, which is saying something! Thanks so much for writing it. On that note, I wanted to ask if you had plans to update it? If not, that’s totally cool - what you’ve written already is fantastic. But if so, I’d pledge my life to you in order to get a chance at reading more. 😆 Anyhoo, you’re awesome! 👋
Thank you so much! You are awesome too! I’m honored that Satis is in your top 10!!
@dontfuckingfollowmeifpornblog You still around?
I am now! Thank you!
@comixqueen Hello have I told you that I really love your Hellsing fics? ;u;/ They're among the best out there and I reread them often!
Thank you very much. That means a lot to me from you. Thank you for rereading, I’m always wary of my earlier writing but I’m glad if people still enjoy them.
I have never squealed higher than when I received the notification for the new chapter of Satis. You are a true blessing <3 thank you for your words
You are a blessing! Thank you so much!
Hello! I know you're not very active around here, but I just saw a trailer for a movie based on the letters of Vita and Virginia, and I was immediately reminded of Satis and the quotes you so expertly used in the narration, and I thought I might tell you in case you're interested in the movie (the title is literally Vita and Virginia) <3
Thank you Anon! I did see the trailer! I haven’t seen the movie yet though, but I will, eventually! I am so glad you think I did the quotes justice! It’s such a beautiful quote.
Not sure how to start this, might be a little bold, and yet; let me simply say that I am in love with your written works. In fact, so much so that I read it all again, and again. It never ceases to amaze. And as for you, the person behind it all, you do seem immensely precious as well. I hope that you have the most fantastic day, you deserve no less.
Anon, you are so very kind. Thank you so much for your lovely words. I am just an ordinary person unusually invested in a particular set of fictional characters xD and I am often late to things and a bad correspondent, but I must be doing something right if you’re sending me a message as lovely as this. Thank you again, I hope you are having fantastic days as well.
Honestly ive read your snow white fic years ago but I loved it insanely much and im about to read it again today ^.^
Thank you Anon! Ah, Snow White. I am very glad you still enjoy it. It is so old, and I wish I had the courage to edit it and spruce it up, or even update an extra or two...
Are you ever planning to continue Satis? I’m in love with that piece of work.
Thank you Anon! Yes! I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters!
My literal text to a friend of mine that's also a fan of Satis when I got the AO3 mail about the new chapter was: "NOW THEY'RE FINALLY STARTING TO BE *HAPPY* HOLIDAYS"
I am very glad I was able to bring you holiday cheer. Would it be bold of me if I say I aim to bring you non-holiday cheer as well, now? xD Thank you so much!
HEY JUST CAME HERE TO SAY I LOVE SATIS, OKAY BYYYYE
HELLO ANON! THANK YOUUUUU
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feralhogs · 4 years
Note
1 THROUGH 55 AND 1 THROUGH 30 GO GO GO
LETS FUCKIN GO
tumblr please actually make this a keep reading
55 interesting questions you should drop in someone’s inbox
1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?
I ALREADY WATCH NETFLIX AND AGONIZE OVER MY STORY
2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you’ve own/owned?
MY JACKETS. ANY CHEST OBSCURING, BROAD SHOULDERED, COZY JACKET
3. What hobbies would you get into if time and money wasn’t an issue?
DANCING, ID NEED TO GO TO CLASSES OR SOMETHING
4. What would your perfect room look like?
IM ACTUALLY PRETTY HAPPY WITH MY ROOM BUT IVE ALWAYS WANTED A LAVA LAMP, AND 1800 MORE PLANTS COULDNT HURT
5. Do you play sports?
NO
6. What fiction place would you love to go to?
SINNOH REGION
7. What Job would you be terrible at?
DEBT COLLECTION. I WOULD BE GIVING SHIT TO PEOPLE FOR FREE. I COULDNT BEAR BEING ENCOURAGED TO FORCE PEOPLE WHO CANT PAY FOR SOMETHING TO PAY MORE
8. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would it be?
SERVING. HOW MANY PLATES CAN YOU CARRY AT ONCE
9. What’s the most annoy habit other people have?
WALKING IN MY SPACE BUBBLE WHEN MY SENSES ARE OVERLOADED
10. What skill would you like to master?
A SECOND LANGUAGE
11. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?
THE ONE FROM MY DREAM WHERE I KISSED A GIRL DYED MY HAIR BLUE AND WE ELOPED TO BRAZIL TO RAISE SHEEP
12. What’s your favorite drink ?
THAT CHRISTMAS SHIT. PEPPERMINT MOCHA AT STARBUCKS. A FRIEND GOT IT FOR ME ONCE. NOW I ORDER IT A BILLION TIMES.
13. What state or country would you never like to go back to?
I HAVE NOT TRAVELLED MUCH EVER
14. What songs do you have completely memorized?
I DONT REMEMBER LYRICS SO MUCH, BUT I COULD PROBABLY REMEMBER HOW MANY SONGS GO COMPLETELY
15. Are you usually early or late?
LATE. IM GETTING BETTER THOUGH
16. What takes up too much of your time?
GETTING OUT OF BED
17. What do you wish you knew more about?
SWORDS
18. What are some small things that make your day better?
COFFEE. SOMEONE SAYING SOMETHING NICE TO ME.
19. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should?
QUEER EYE BUT BY TRANS PEOPLE FOR TRANS PEOPLE
20. Who has impressed you the most with what they’ve accomplished?
YOU. AND ME. ITS GROWTH
21. What age do you wish you can permanently be?
21, SO I HAVE TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON
22. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?
13 REASONS, THE BOOK WAS TRIGGERING SO I WONT RISK IT
23. What would be your ideal way to spend you weekend?
TAKING A WALK, HAVING COFFEE, WATERING PLANTS… IM HAPPY
24. What’s something in your life that’s considered a luxury?
I HAVE PERFUME...
25. Is there anything you’re too young/old for?
TO YOUNG TO NEVER DRINK. TOO OLD FOR POKEMON
26. What’s your favorite genre book or movie?
I DONT HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN FOR EITHER BUT I SEEM TO LIKE URBAN FANTASY A LOT
27. How often do you people watch?
I THINK IM SO POLITE BUT HONESTLY, I QUIETLY SCRUTINIZE SO MANY PEOPLE ON THE TRAIN EVERY DAY AND GUESS AT THEIR PERSONAL HABITS AND SELF IMAGE.
28. What’s the best single day on the calendar?
MY BIRTHDAY, SAGITTARIUS SEASON RULES BABY
29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?
I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING PPL HAVENT HEARD OF BUT IM INTERESTED IN BLACK HOLES
30. Do you relax after a hard day?
FOOD. NETFLIX. DECOMPOSING ON TUMBLR
31. What’s the best book or series you’ve ever read?
I HAVENT READ A BOOK I REALLY LOVE IN AGES. HARRY POTTER AND ARTEMIS FOWL WERE MY FAVOURITES GROWING UP, BUT CORNELIA FUNKES BOOKS SLAPPED AND HIS DARK MATERIALS WAS GORGEOUS
32. Where’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home?
IDAHO?
33. What’s the most heart warming thing you’ve ever seen?
LUCIFER WAS LIKE YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR BORING MIDDLE NAME JANE AND KNOWS THAT EVERY MURDER BREAKS YOUR HEART AND YOU SIMPLY DESERVE BETTER SO NO MORE MOMENTS WHILE THEYRE HAVING A MOMENT AND CHLOE IS WATCHING THIS FUCKING IDIOT AND IVE WATCHED THIS BEFORE SO I KNOW SHES GONNA KISS HIM AND THEN THEY KISS
34. What’s the most annoying question that people ask you?
ANY SMALL TALK QUESTIONS
35. Would you give a 40 minute presentation with no preparation?
YES. ID MAKE THAT SHIT RIGHT UP. SKILLS
36. What’s something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?
GIVE ME A HUG AND SOME CHOCOLATE
37. Would you rather go Hand Gliding or Whitewater rafting?
HANG GLIDING
38. Dream car?
SOMETHING I DONT HAVE TO WORRY WILL FALL INTO PIECES AT ANY MOMENT
39. What’s something so many people are obsessed with and you just don’t understand why?
STRAIGHT LOVE SONGS
40. What are you most looking forward to in 10 years from now?
HAVING A CAT
41. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten to it?
DECORATING THE DOLLHOUSE I RESCUED FROM THE BATHROOM
42. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you all week?
IM NOT VERY FAR THROUGH THE WEEK AND I HAVENT ENJOYED MOST OF IT BUT PEOPLE SAYING ADORABLE THINGS
43. How different was your life one year ago?
NOT A LOT DIFFERENT, IM JUST LONELY IN THE CITY NOW, MINUS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ONE YEAR ON T
44. What/who would you rate 10/10?
MY CACTUS JAKEN. I DROPPED HIM SO MANY TIMES AN ENTIRE HALF OF HIS SPIKES ARE FLAT SCARS. AND LOOK AT HIM. THRIVING
45. What kind of art do you enjoy the most?
GENUINELY MADE ART
46. What do you hope never changes?
MY T PRESCRIPTION
47. What movie title best describes your life?
I LOOKED THROUGH NETFLIX AND I PICK TWILIGHT
48. What website do you visit most often?
TUMBLR
49. What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?
MY BIRTHDAY
50. What’s something you’d like to unlearn?
FINDING A REASON TO CANCEL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING
51. Where would you spend all your time if you could?
WALKING BY SOME RUNNING WATER
52. What age would you like to live to?
80. THATS MY MENTAL HEALTH ANSWER
53. What’s something you’re most likely to become famous for?
SOMETHING CREATIVE WOULD BE AWESOME
54. What’s something you’re most likely to be arrested for?
CRIMES
55. What’s something you really want but can’t afford?
A CAT
Lgbt+ ask game
What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?
I’m even a little shaken by a questioning state right now but for a while I’ve felt the best fit is the androgynous label -- I read a description of it being the purple on a pink to blue scale, both at once but not specifically either one, and something else by itself. I’m also happy with a cryptic masculine grey area. My pronouns are he/him.
How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?
During the Puberty 1.0 nightmare, I was basically living someone else’s life, and any attraction I felt wasn’t in relation to myself. I felt disconnected from my body and gender and everything too, and I felt a lot of social pressure to experience a certain type of attraction, fit into a certain role, et cetera, and none of these feelings existed in me at all, so I used to identify as ace. When I realized I was trans, I was too caught up in the, transition safely, my life is a lie, stopping dysphoria drama to focus on this, but I had an idea I might be a gay guy judging from my gay creative writing until I caught feelings for a girl and realized this wasn’t the first time that had happened. Some bi positivity and nonbinary rage later, I am reminded that gender is a joke.
Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?
Yes of course A LOT. Starting with my parents, who do it aggressively and maliciously. And plenty from strangers and customers, mostly after hearing my voice pre-transition. It used to hurt terribly because I was dealing with so much other stuff at the time, and one little thing could be the last straw, so I used to react strongly and harshly, to people you express yourself to anyway. On T, I’ve been so much more chill and confident, and it’s less painful to accept that some people just don’t know any better, although that doesn’t change its effect.
Who was the first person you told, how did they react?
I don’t remember, I think it was a high school friend. I vaguely remember texting someone in a bathroom during a crying session at work. My high school friends were all warm and supportive.
Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?
It was scary as hell. I’m sure coming out (with your gender specifically) is scary by nature because it’s a huge truth to be telling that can really change how the people you love perceive you, for better or for worse, but for me, I’m also thinking with the dread and certainty that my family would be too conservative and potentially dangerous. Coming out to my family was one of the worst, most painful things I’ve ever been through -- being kicked out and laughed at, a lot of drama, confrontations, Bible readings and being ganged up on at odd hours, trying to comfort my mom who took it as her personal failure -- I was shaking with adrenaline 24/7. I think of the “I’ll suffer through anything as long as it has meaning” comment that was about angsty fanfics, but knowing the truth about myself was a source of unshakable strength and it felt refreshing and even triumphant to say, like I was giving myself permission to exist for the first time. I came out a bunch of times, though...
If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?
My family reacted mostly badly, my sister is a little confused but has the spirit, and my friends have been wonderful.
What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?
It’s more of a gender thing, but I hate it when people imply that I shouldn’t be on T or are subtly trying to talk me out of it with their questions. After all the disrespectful as fuck bullshit I heard from my parents, I’m tired of this.
Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.
Zombie apocalypse denim? Gay Layers
Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?
I’m not really emotionally invested in these “ships” you cool kids are talking about. I like canon, age-appropriate ones.
What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?
I’ve never really worn makeup. I brazenly never bothered to growing up, and if it had an effect on me socially, I was too tuned out to care. My sister always wanted to do my hair and makeup, but I wasn’t interested and wouldn’t let her, much to her frustration. I wore some for a musical once though, and I had no idea what I was doing and it was extremely uncomfortable. I felt what I know now is dysphoria and ended up using the lipstick to draw. Another aspect to this is my family forbade it (or my dad made the decision for everyone), not that it made my sister feel less pressured to wear it, so maybe it was some female presentation I could easily get out of. For that reason, I don’t have super strong feelings about it. Not understanding it probably resulted in me feeling left out a lot among my peers.
Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?
Yes. Before my realization, it was a numb horror I wasn’t consciously aware of, ruining nice things growing up to the point where I feel like I missed out on being a teenager. I remember it as feeling nauseous while sitting in a corner, feeling like none of my clothes ever fit for some mysterious reason. Living with my family in the closet, it defined my life, and I was obsessed with my presentation. These days, it does not bother me on that level at all, except a minor freakout now and then if I get really wild and wear feminine clothes. Or I still feel it in more subtle ways, when I default to customer service voice, or when guys my age are twice my height and I look aaaall the way up at them and wonder what gender they see me as.
What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?
Trust me, I have heard truck loads of dumb shit and the winner is the Gay Agenda is R****a’s propaganda to weaken the integrity of North America. Considering what is happening over there, it was enragingly stupid.
What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?
I feel like I can be myself around lgbt+ people. I don’t feel like I have to hide stuff or put on a show, and I’m not afraid because it’s familiar territory.
What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?
Aside from obvious problems like TERFs, ace discourse. Ace people are part of the community if they want to be and that’s enough on that, my skin is already breaking out.
Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?
I finally went to a Pride event this year! I was surprised it was the first one I’d been to, then remembered my parents discouraged me from going anywhere, never mind to a gay where.
Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?
I can’t think of many people right now, but Leslie Feinberg seems awesome, and some quotes from Stone Butch Blues are very validating.
Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?
No. Technically I have been in one, but it was shitty and ridiculous, and basically platonic, and I don’t want it to count.
What is your favourite lgbt+ book?
I barely read… I read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe in high school and it was honestly so precious.
Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?
Yes. I got kicked out (but then kicked back in again), had my stuff stolen and damaged, was verbally harassed… and I was indirectly fired by an employer, but We Will Never Know Why...
Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?
Queer Eye! I don’t know of many though, and some important ones, I just haven’t watched.
Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?
My mutuals :D
Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?
I’m okay calling myself queer.
Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?
No, but I did see some drag performances at the one (1) Pride event I went to, and they were jaw-dropping.
How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?
I’m not sure what this question means, but I decide what fits right by what makes me feel the most alive and emotionally real and in the moment. What makes me feel the most attractive to be honest. There’s a post about dysphoria I saw going around, the things on it are basically what I use to figure things out.
Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?
I am actually! Not anytime soon, but I’m the responsible type for sure, and judging by the way I love growing plants and being around animals, I’m probably a nurturing person. I actually like kids too, lol, they’re just so high-energy.
What identity advice would you give your younger self?
You’re a boy. Go!
What do you think of gender roles in relationships?
I think people are going to have different ways of expressing themselves that make them happy, but… I don’t think they should infringe on basic human decency. When I hear “role” I think of acting a certain way because someone told you to, something I want to disagree with on the spot.
Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?
People move out of my way on the sidewalk and take me seriously now. Privilege or self-confidence… I never want to forget what it used to be like, or get too entitled.
What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?
That it’s simply living one’s reality. I think that trips up a lot of straight people -- that some people just come like this, and they don’t have to make it fit into their personal identity.
Why are proud to be lgbt+?
Because I worked hard to be alive and happy right now. I’m proud of choosing to get through those rough patches, take care of myself, heal, take walks, cook breakfast, learn healthy coping mechanisms, that was out of love for myself and a defiant conviction that I have a place in this world.
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thatspencerinthesky · 5 years
Text
longish post you can ignore if ya want i dont know how to do read mores im so sorry
everything im googling just isnt making sense to my sleep deprived brain im sorry im such a grandpa this is a very odd post but im running on no sleep and realized something i have mutuals on here, who i never talk to, some of which ive been mutuals with for YEARS i just had the idea of going back through my follower list and finding the oldest mutuals who i can recognize off the top of my head that have actually reblogged stuff from me lately
(drinking game: take a shot every time i say “smile” 2 shots every time im an awkward fuck and finish your drink every time i cant remember things. Good Luck to your liver) so uh 
  @sckrim i honestly do not remember how we met but i do know that every couple of months you send me a cute happy message (one of those “list the things you love abt urself!!!”) and every time i get it, it honestly makes my day. i can not for the life of me remember if we have ever had a formal official conversation, but i do know that you blow up my notifications occasionally and it makes me smile so much. I enjoy your content, and you managed to become a reason i smile whenever i check the app/log in. there have been some times where i was going through a lot, and found one of those asks. it really does help. I keep a couple in my inbox just to make me smile @your-lusus it says that you are one of my first few mutuals ever, and im near sure ive never talked to you. i do love your blog though. I was a pretty big fan at one point (that point was before i followed a fuck ton of people and could actually keep up with people on my dash). i think i remember feeling shocked when i realized you followed me. You honestly seem pretty cool from what i remember and if ya wanna talk we can if not thats cool im sorry im so awkward its the sleep deprivation i think. maybe.
@karkat-doodle-doo im pretty sure i havent seen you around lately (i just checked and yeah i have reblogged stuff from you literally today i think im just a moron) but i do remember adoring your blog when homestuck was my only hyperfixation. You were one of the first few blogs i followed and you still bring me joy like 4-5 years later. i think ive followed you for that long?? i wish i could check how long its been. anyways youre cool and if you need anything lmk and i gotcha. if you wanna be friends im here if not ignore this im sorry for taking time out of your day with this stupidity.
okay so @two-pistols-and-a-blink for ONCE i actually remember something. we used to rp. way fuckin back when. def at least 4 years ago. im pretty sure at least. ive had skype calls with you, it was rad. i legit havent talked to you in years but if you needed anything id do whatever i could my man. if youd like to reconnect id honestly love that, if not thats chill too. if you do message me it will mostly be pictures of my cat and memes probably.  @signore-whorechata YOU!!!!! i dont remember how we met and thats honestly irrelevant bc ive made it very clear in this post im a dumbass. anyways!!!! i was stupid and fell out of contact with you oh my god, you were such a cool friend!!! hit me up for cat pics and shitty memes my dude. i still have that url as a side blog that i just fill w junk. there a couple of people who i could also reach out to but my chronic pain is getting bad and i need to wrap this shitty post up
so in conclusion im a dumbass and if you wanna be friends go ahead
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snickiebear · 3 years
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snickie, i feel like my imagination doesn’t do ur work justice 🤯🤯🤯 thank u for that update on OL&W ❤️
this is probably the most bloodthirsty i have seen shika... and i didnt expect to like dark shikamaru lol! he’s always been such dorky but sexy smarty pants strategist to me, i could not have imagined him to be characterized the way u did!! but i L O V E it! it’s always nice to explore more into what characters could be and i can’t wait to get to know this shika as we go along ❤️
but of course, how can i forget the beloved queen sakura and her bomb entrance into the battlefield!!! akshshnsjsdhdh!!!!! i had to take a pause on that one to make sure the picture in my head was worthy of the badassery... and the havoc she wreaks ohmygod MORE!!! the voice in my head really went “yas gurl yas!!!” that i had to question myself why i was enjoying the violence so much 😂😂😂 must be #snickiebearsorcery
speaking of sorcery!!!!! u dropped so many fics/updates in such a short span of time and u dont see it but im now prostrating myself in worship 🙇🏻‍♀️ thank u for feeding us, your excellency 🥰 i mean??? sai was so freakin cute i wish he’d wear the ugly sweater at least once... or maybe they can all wear it as a family just to blind konoha with the sight 🤣🤣🤣 and that yakuza sakura was *chef’s kiss* because protective sakura is unstoppable sakura 🤘🏼
as always, im breathless and even more amazed by you and your work! ur AUs are hella cool and i just want u to know that u inspire me to think out of the box and push my imagination to the limits. i could not be more grateful that u are u and that u chose to share these wonderful pieces with us is a freaking blessing in this otherwise terrible reality 🥺
P.S. i almost fainted on the OL&W side note asdffghlslla please i adore u more
🐱
🐱!!!!!!! HIIII!!
as always, i am so so happy to see you in my inbox!!! i hope you’re doing great and having a wonderful week!!!! chapter 2 has been waitin to be uploaded since i put up the prologue and chapter 1, AND chapter 3 is half way done so i went “fuck it let them eat cake” AHAHAHA
YESS BLOODTHIRSTY SHIKA!!!! this is just the beginning of it all, this is where everything begins to kick off and i am so, so EXCITED to write the rest of it and share it with you guys!!!! exploring these characters and putting them into new worlds, and drastic situations is so incredibly fun, its one of the best part of AUs in my opinion LMAO
THE SAKURA ENTRANCE. FUCK YES. that scene has been in my head forEVER. the entire war part of that chapter was what ive been waiting to write for the longest time and i was so hype to get to the SAKURA PART. because, well, i love her and she’s a total badass. don’t worry, from this chapter out we’ll be seeing a whole LOT more badass saku and its going to be great (hopefully.)
this is goin to sound to weird but i’m so glad im getting you to enjoy the violence of this fic, its honestly part of the fun, at least, in my opinion. AND LMFAOOOO #SNICKIEBEARSORCERY PLSSS IM LAUGHING SO HARD THATS GENIUS 
AAAA YEAH i felt kind of bad cause i just went on a posting spree lately (first with breaking up Come Meet Me In The Garden and then finally putting up other things ive written LMAO) and probably flooded a few people’s inboxes so, whoopsy sorry guys! AAAA IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED THAT SWEATER ONE HAHAHA i thought it was absolutely hilarious and had those small underlines of seriousness that i adore so much. AND YESS PROTECTIVE SAKURA. she’s a baddie, i love her. and a BAMF tatted saku??? YESSS.
🐱 , i am in the CRYING CLUB. i am just so happy you enjoy my writing enough to come here and write all of this and just to interact with me. thank you so much for your words and honesty and just your enjoyment. it is such an honor to know that my writing is making you think out of the box and that it exerciseses your imagination. thank you so much, 🐱 . 
P.S i ADORE YOU!!! MWAH!!!! 
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briteboy · 7 years
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yelling @ santi, i’m evil again (what else is new), SOME REALLY REALLY OLD ASKS, one GoT spoiler at the very bottom (beware)
*angrily slaps santi* GET YOUR SELF TOGETHER YAH POOP HEAD
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Lou and Fiona deserve happiness pls let it happen ty
they do ;-; it will happen, don’t worry, no one suffers forever <3 i’ve actually been planning out lou’s story and i’m excited to actualize it hehe
I just read all of Santis story. Dear god, it is amazing. I cannot begin to describe how much I love it. I have been really sick lately and have such a hard time concentrating on anything for more than one second but I have not been able to look away from this story, not even when I re-read it for the third time. You are an amazing writer and I have fallen in love with every charachter you have introduced. I teared up so many times and my heart began beating fast, it was really an experience.
OH MY GOD ;___________; YOU READ IT THREE TIMES WHAATDOSOIGODFSKL holy shit thank you so much, i don’t even know what to say right now lmao ;-; i’m just kinda in awe that i was able to grab your attention like that and that you enjoyed it so much and just askjdjfsd THANK YOU i can’t say anything else but just thank you, people like you make this all worth it <3 
A case of the novembers is the kinda story you read and you just know its going to stick with you for awhile. Like ones day, you'll be long gone in the future, doing something totally different, older wiser, all that bullshit, and you'll just randomly remember what a bittersweet story it was.
OMFG ;___; holy heck asjdjnfkdkjs this really got me right in the heart lmao. that’s the kind of story it’s always been for me and seeing other people interpret it that way as well is just mind boggling, thank you <3 
You are evil. My poor heart hurts. ;______________;
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you've ruined my life
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Life hack: listen to the entire Hamilton soundtrack whilst working out at the gym. By the end of it, you'll have lost half your body weight due to sweating and crying at the same time (pls help this was such a bad decision)
OMG that’s me with grimes’ art angels lmao i go hord to kill v maim and venus fly
hamilton fans also go hord i respect it. learn more about history get swole killing two birds with one stone
Okay this is so fucking random but a while ago you did a post where you talked about perfect bby gianni saying that he spent a lot of time in introspection and like Thank you 'cause now I have a word to put on this thing I do when I try to figure why I feel certain things or what my relationship with people/random shit is and why and yeah I kind of understand myself a little better now so thx a lot!!! 😘😘😘 Also, you're great.
i think i was actually talking about santi (’cause that’s where we’re at right now, in that period of introspection for him heheh) but YES omg that makes me so happy ;-; it’s a good word lmao and i do the same thing, in fact i’m always trying to figure out my relationships with everything in order to understand myself more. that’s kinda why i’m so into astrology haha. i’m glad you finally got to pin down that feeling for yourself, it’s the best when that happens <3 YOU’RE GREAT TOO 💫
NOOOOOOOO MY FAVS THIS CAN'T... LOU.... SANTI PLS... THIS IS A RIOT 😭😭
let’s start protesting santi in the streets
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Hi!! Umm I'm guessing you do but just in case, did you know there was a tear accessory? I think it's an eyeliner (cause you mentioned having to draw them yourself)
yeah i do! i mentioned the ones by s-club, i’ve used those a couple times. but i like drawing them myself because i feel like it’s weird to have the same single teardrop every time one of my characters cries (and we all know they’ve been crying a lot lately lmfao) if they didn’t cry often i probably wouldn’t feel compelled to draw the tears. but i don’t mind drawing them honestly, it’s kinda fun lmao. thanks for your consideration <3 
so im sitting here thinkin....... what if santi goes on this trip and coms back and lou is in a relationship!?!?!
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👏santi👏get👏it👏together👏
HE’S TRYIN
i want to die
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AAAH SOLE DEVELOPMENT BETWEEN CUTE DEVIL CHILD AND I ALMOST DIED TWICE TATOO MAN YES
I HAD TO READ THIS LIKE THREE TIMES TO UNDERSTAND IT LMFAOSDOJDKF BUT YES their relationship kills me the most ;__;
wait santi tried to kys :'(
WHERE U BEEN he did  :{
what font do u use in your histories?
arial!
hi u have a really pretty blog and I hope you have a good day
THIS IS SO SWEET I DON’T DESERVE IT ;-; I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY TOO HONEYBEE 🌻
nyooooooom
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I WENT M.I.A FOR A LITTLE AND I COME BACK TO READ UP ON THE STORY AND HOW DARE YOU ASHDDJFKL
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@teishajenaie on instagram looks like Rooney to me, idk if you'd agree but ??
i see it!! definitely in the eyes and nose. also sorry i answered this literally like 3 months later lmao
gooey by glass animals gives me santi vibes :) ive been listening to it on repeat (bc im tht bitch) and it was making me think of you and his story! c: i hope you dont mind me over here lmao anyway, im excited to see where it goes and real excited for a back story for lou!! <3 lots of love
omg haha that’s actually funny because i used it in that one scene of him tripping, although it’s like completely a gianni song to me (at least personality-wise, it’s even on his playlist on my character page) and noooo i don’t mind, i love that song and i love when people recommend me songs!! i have a whole bunch of recommendations in my inbox that i need to acknowledge omg. anyway I’M EXCITED THAT YOU’RE EXCITED, especially for lou’s story, it’s coming up reeeeeal soon <333
i feel so late to the party but i Just started reading your story like five minutes ago and im absolutely entranced by it already and i cant wait to catch up and finally understand what to heck is going on
this was sent literally forever ago when santi and molly were out there being wild in the desert lmao so i hope you caught up and everything. “entranced” omg that’s such a wonderful word i’m honored
i didnt think i could love you more but the fact that you watch arrested development makes me so happy. i cry. my boyfriend has a mr manager, bluths frozen bananas shirt thats literally my favorite thing ever.
OMGGG YES i watched it once forever ago and i need to re-watch it asap lmao. I’M PRETTY SURE I BOUGHT THAT SAME EXACT SHIRT FOR MY BROTHER FOR CHRISTMAS ONE YEAR
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Just a biiig prank. Huge
this one is from so long ago i don’t remember the context but i laughed at loud when i read it. huge
i was playing with uncharted for the first time today and they said Navarro in it and i was like THATS MY BOI SANTIII
santi infiltrating everyone’s lives my bf played uncharted tho!! it looked cool. like indiana jones. i liked the marketplace part. a monkey stole his apple
Hi sunny! I really am in love with your story (even if it's tearing me apart at the moment) and just wanted to say you're cool Stay strong ma dude
HI THANK YOU <333 you’re also cool my dude and i’m sorry for tearing you apart (if it makes you feel any better this story tears me apart on a daily basis)
what packs and expansions do u have for ur game?
ummmmmm all of them except vintage glamour and fitness stuff. i wish i didn’t buy some of the stuff packs lmao but what can ya do i actually didn’t even get vampires or bowling or parenthood until like a month ago lmao i’m late to the party
Oh shit she's been dead hasn't she. Like this is all a drug or alcohol infused bender of mollys memory, she's probably never left. They're probably still at the hospital. I hope I fucking wrong but shit I also hope not. Poor santi
we’re so far past this but i just wanted to publish this anyway lmao it was a good theory! and this person was so sure of it it kinda made me wish it was true lol. sorry if that disappointed you but i’ll always remember this one in my sad sad heart 💔
how long did it take for you to make friends here? I started a simblr because I really like storytelling with my sims & I thought it'd be fun to meet people who enjoy that, too, especially since I don't have many friends irl...but I've been here for quite a few months now and it seems like no one even cares that I'm here....everyone I try to interact with pretty much ignores me after a message or two....I'm just feeling really discouraged about my presence here :/
I’M REALLY SORRY I DIDN’T ANSWER THIS SOONER ASKJDKJFSDKA (i’m sure it didn’t help the fact that you feel ignored, i really really hope you see this) but okay uhhhhhhh i only had acquaintances from 2015 up until like this year? then i started really becoming close with people. so it took a while lol, but i think everyone starts off slow because it’s mostly about the actual game we’re playing at first and then making friends just happens through that. don’t get discouraged, like i said it took a while for me. you really just need to reach out to the people you’d like to become friends with, reply to their posts, give your genuine thoughts, say something that’ll make their day...people notice that no matter what they have going on, i promise. i hope you’re still here and hanging in there. don’t get caught up in who’s talking to you or not talking to you, just do your thing, enjoy what you do, and people will notice you. <3
3. Hi so I just wanted to say that I love your story, I'm here for every update. I'm an s3 player I play s4 every once in awhile but s3 has my soul. I love Santi and I know he will be happy in the end, whether it's with Lou or not(hopefully it is tho) I only want him to be happy. I go through so many emotions in one post, like this is a tv drama and I can’t wait for the next episode. This is the end of my cut and paste. Have a nice day.❤️
HI HELLO <3 this is so sweet and i can’t believe you actually care about my story lmao thank you i’m glad you have faith in his happy ending, i don’t want anyone to think i genuinely like making my characters suffer lmao. i only do it to make the happy ending more satisfying. asjdfjksd comparing my stuff to film or tv always makes me so giddy so THANK YOU ily <333
"Suicide before you see this tear fall down my eyes" (Beyonce) reminds me of Molly's situation soooo muchhhh aaaahhhhh
OMG YES what a good connection. good song good connection yaeeahhh better call molly with the good hair
Ummmm... hello! I just read through your whole story with Santi and I'm like... holy fuck. Not only is your story wonderful, your editing is so good. I'm surprised I didn't shove my eyes up against my computer screen. Please continue making wonderful things and being great. Signing off 12:31 in the morning, I hope you have as much fun as you want to
“as much fun as you want to” omfgasdkngjd why did that make me laugh so much. don’t have too much fun, have the responsible amount of fun anyway HELLO thank you soooooO much ;-; pls don’t shove ur eyes up against the screen i’m almost positive that’s not good for them. but i appreciate this so much thank YOU for being great <3 signing off at 2:18 in the morning after ignoring this message for months now (i’m sorryyyyyyy) but um ily
HELLO??? I JUST READ A SERIOUS CASE OF NOVEMBER FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I'M LIKE CRYING???? y u do dis to me I hate you and love you at the same time
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(I need to rant I'm sorry) My uncle is really positive towards the army and war and stuff like that and all day he's been going on about how it should be mandatory to serve in the military, especially for "little brat girls" like me? And it's stressing me out so much I want to cry :( The army and war is something that genuinely scares me and I don't want anything to do with it, but he's just going on and on! What should I do?
this is literally sooooooooo late and i feel so bad i’m sorry, i hope this still helps you out and i hope you see it tho okay. i’m pretty sure this was even before the trans military ban like whew idek what your uncle must think about that. tbh just ignore him, like i know it’s hurtful but like...what is his point in telling you this? i would’ve literally been like (sarcastically) “ok then sign me up” but i’m also a lil shit so that’s probably not the best thing to say. but really like the only thing he’s trying to do is feel powerful by means of expressing his militaristic (no pun intended) opinions to someone far younger than him. it’s so that he feels bigger and better than you (especially by calling you a brat). he’s a sad man and anyone who relies on the military, of all things, to shape a person probably doesn’t have a strong sense of self anyway. i love you okay, just ignore him, don’t let him stress you out <3
I'm a little high and it's late but I have a lot of courage now so I've been following you for a while and I just want to tell you how much I love your story! I have come across other places on tumblr who do this but none have captured me as this one did! You are amazing and I am in love with this story! Thanks fo being you! :)
ONMG YOU HAD TO BE HIGH TO SEND THIS LMAO that was me this weekend anyway thank you so much, it floors me every time anyone says these kinds of things to me and it never gets old ;-; you are so amazing ok <333
you can't possibly be offended by a homophobic joke in game of thrones, it's set in medieval times. they had several lgbt characters in it, it's not the show that's homophobic, it's the characters, which is accurate for that time period.
o i can and i will lmao i mean i get where you’re coming from but with that logic you could say it’s only accurate to put homophobic jokes in today’s media just because people are still homophobic in the time live in. i know it’s the characters, but you do understand that someone writes those characters, right? it’s bad writing. it’s lazy and pandering and because of that it’s offensive. idk if you know the exact dialogue i was referring to but it was so completely unnecessary lmfao. they could’ve made a million other jokes. regardless of how it offended me it was just BAD lmao
SPOILER BELOW OK DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YA
@ I wanna watch GoT anon: don't. It's just so fucking bad. The definition of overhyped tbh (and btw, sunny, PLS HELP HE SCREWED HIS FUCKING AUNT WTH)
LMAO SOMEONE ACTUALLY AGREES WITH ME? wow bless u. it is definitely overhyped, like it was good at first but it’s been riding that hype through these past couple of seasons to disguise the bad writing. i understand being entertained by it, but i’m always surprised when people think it’s actually well written at this point...it’s so cringey and now thanks to the season finale this fanbase will be justifying incest. great!
OK MOVE ALONG NOW
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therunningpa · 7 years
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New job & night shift novella
So I’ve been at a new job the past 6 weeks. I’m still a hospitalist, but I’ve moved to night shift. It’s a long story for another time, but basically I was getting burned out and it was either change shifts or move to a different department altogether. Because I love IM so much I am desperately clinging to it for the time being. In my current role, I only do new admissions and consults.
Since I only post now, like, once a year I figured I might as well write a nice long story for you guys! Because also, when have I kept things short, ever?
So, here you go, a narrative of my day (night?).
I leave my house, clutching my tote of Campbell’s Double Noodle soup cans, rice crackers, and Gatorade. I kiss my husband, tell him I love him, and remind him to please finish cleaning the kitchen for me. He needs a lot of reminding. I need a lot of therapy. We’ve had a lot of therapy. It’s been a year sober for him and the anniversary has been hard, bringing back the guilt big time. It’s been more down days than usual the past month and as I leave the house I can only hope I won’t get any liver patients or alcoholics tonight.
I pull in to the hospital, badge in through various doors, end up in the office. The day shift is coming to a close. “Hey!” my coworkers greet me, “Feeling better?”
“Tons! Not a hundred percent but good enough for active duty.”
My terrible med seeking external ED dump patient from earlier this week had given me her norovirus. I’d spent the previous night out sick, puking and near-syncopizing. (FYI- use the bleach wipes next time!!)
I check in with the three physicians I’m working with that night. One, a seasoned night shifter, a quiet man I dub “The Machine” because of his deftness and ease at admitting patients. One, a seasoned nocturnist, another quiet and confident man who could run a thousand codes without screaming “fuck!” not even once. The third, an exceedingly nice new residency graduate who recently started with us and is probably reconsidering the job after his first week on nights. They have a lot of patients coming from outlying facilities, but no one arrived yet.
I sit around for an hour and a half, check emails, clear my inbox of the previous day’s results and check up on a few of those patients, eat a cup of noodles, rub my belly, think about how I shouldn’t have had coffee, then, all at once, I have 3 admissions I’m called to see. Yes, it’s true, they really all do come at once.
I triage them, and go see first an unfortunate lady who is bleeding and clotting. Or rather, likely to bleed. She has a genetic disorder predisposing her to clots and bleeding, and has come in with chest pain. The chest CT showed a pulmonary embolism, one in each lung. I’d hoped they’d be subsegmental, but they weren’t. I meet with her, spend a long time talking. I tell her I’ll call the hematologist and get back to her. I put out a page.
I jump up to the orthopedics floor to see my next patient, a 73 year old lady with COPD and osteoporosis who fell down the stairs at home and probably broke her sacrum. She’s straightforward enough, other than saying she’s intolerant to everything IV opioid except fentanyl. Which she’s not going to get outside of the ED. I write for oxycodone and IV ketorolac and pray her pending labs show normal renal function.
The hematologist pages me while I’m writing patient 2′s note. He recommends a heparin drip, so it can be turned off quickly if patient 1 starts to bleed. He also says he has no idea what to do with her after that, as far as a long term plan. I text my attending and let him know the plan for tonight. While I’m finishing my note, he texts me back an SOS that patient 1 is refusing heparin because she’s afraid of bleeding.
I go back to the ED, I print out UpToDate, visit the poor lady with the PEs again. I talk about risks and benefits, types of heparin. She has some cognitive impairments from a stroke, but she gets it enough that she has capacity. She still declines the heparin, wants us to “watch her” overnight in the hospital though. I check in with bed control, ask for an IMCU bed since she’s refusing blood thinners, and am told there are no ICU beds left. She’ll have to go to the regular floor.
My third patient is a prisoner with history of peptic ulcers and GI bleed coming in with worsening anemia. Actually, he never shows up from the outside hospital because of some officer conflict. His name gets handed off to the next shift.
Fourth patient shows up in the IMCU, from an outside hospital. The notes he comes with are scanty. Acute on chronic hyponatremia, ?dementia. Hypotensive. Weak. I hope he can give me some history. When I walk in he tells me he’s in a hotel in a different state and doesn’t remember how he got here. He denies any symptoms or concerns. It’s 11 pm, but I dial his elderly wife and bless her, she’s up, and gives me the full scoop. He ends up with a slew of labs, head CT, cardiac echocardiogram.
Fifth patient was not supposed to be admitted. Just discharged 2 days ago with COPD flare, end stage COPD on home oxygen. I read the ED notes in the chart, indicating the family demanded the patient be admitted because they are unhappy and that we are being investigated for discharging her too soon, or was it the nursing home was being investigated for not taking care of her the past 2 days? Or both? The discharge summary from my PA colleague indicates the patient refused hospice the last stay. Awww nawwww. I go and see her. It’s late and at least that means the angry family has gone away. I sit with the patient, she’s very anxious, I’ve taken care of her before. I listen for a long time, answer questions, sometimes the same question over and over. She eventually admits her memory ain’t so good anymore. She then marvels “you’ve asked me more questions than anyone else has today”. I hope that’s a good thing. I go through her extensive workup and again conclude that “I am so sorry, but what you have is not fixable. I think we need to focus on trying to get your symptoms better, but we can’t cure you”. She agrees to at least have a palliative care consult. She grumbles about her bad nursing home experience and says her family called to have the bed held for the following day. I waggle my eyebrows at her “You know, if you don’t hold the bed they’ll give it up and then you’ll have to be here through the weekend and then we can see if your preferred nursing home has a spot now, But, you didn’t hear that from me!” She beams. Somewhere, a social worker has rolled over in their grave and pledges to haunt me in my dreams tonight.
I run up to my office again and eat some more noodles, drink Gatorade, rub my gastroparetic-feeling tummy, and finish up my notes just as one of the physicians strides in with a cardiology consult for a patient who just had a STEMI, now in the coronary ICU. They were found to have multivessel coronary artery disease, received a stent. “Should be easy” he says, “Cardiology has done everything!”.
Except, they haven’t. Patient is from outside our system. Needs an entire medical record update. I also notice his blood sugar is > 300 and there’s no insulin ordered. I add “Type 2 Diabetes” to his problem list. I go in and see him, expecting him to be asleep at 1:30 in the morning, but he is wide awake and surrounded by family. He’s a good soul, we have a long talk about diabetes. His wife has a lot of cardiac questions and try to answer as able. His nurse pops in. “His blood pressure is greater than 150 and they want him under that post cath. There’s no medications ordered”. I step out, sigh. Honestly, I have no idea what cardiology does or does not want for an antihypertensive in their post cath patient. I have a sneaking suspicion it also varies widely by the cardiologist. I wish they would order this shit on their people already. I’m just here for the diabeet-us. Gah! 
“What do they usually do for the post cath protocol?” I wonder out loud.
“How about some PO metropolol?” a nurse asks.
I make a face “Really? They do that?”
The nurse looks horrified “Um, yeah, all MIs should be getting that!”
I shake my head “No, I know that, that’s not what I meant, I just mean it’s not going to act rapidly and it’s not going to do much, I mean maybe IV metoprolol but-”
She looks further horrified “No, they never do IV!”
I wanted to say “but I would never give that”, finishing my thought, but instead I shrug and give up. “I’ll ask the attending.” 
I don’t work in the ICUs that often, and I especially don’t know the night crew being new at this job. It’s true what they say, sometimes you need to earn your stripes with some ICU staff, especially if you’re a PA. Also, goddammit cardiology, order your antihypertensives! And beta blockers! And statins! (Also, I love you my cardiology people out there, please don’t take my 2 AM thoughts too seriously to heart, ok?)
I trudge back to my office, finish writing notes and checking labs and imaging that have come back. The demented hyponatremic guy does not have a brain bleed. The COPD flare bounce back has a normal procalcitonin. The untreated PE has normal blood pressures. Broken sacrum indeed does have normal renal function. I order new labs for the day crew. I report out to my docs. Around 3:30 AM I hang up my coat, collect my soup and Gatorade cans to recycle, and stumble out the cold wintry parking garage. I cast a few glances, good, no creepers trolling about, get in my car, and drive home.
I drive through the industrial part of the city and through spotlights and fog I see that the operations are already going at this ungodly hour. Backstreet Boys is playing on the radio. I pull into the back alley outside my house. I tentatively feel my way through the backyard, trying not to fall on my ass on the ice over our sidewalk, like I did the other night. I slip inside, and am completely delighted to see that not only has the kitchen been cleaned but there’s a loaf of homemade banana bread sitting out, steaming a little still. I hear a soft pitter-patter and my puppy steals down the stairwell to greet me. She wiggles from head to toe and jumps on me, playfully stealing my lanyard of keys and running away, shaking them. I took her home one day from a rescue this past summer, pretty much against my husband’s will, and I secretly believe she at least 75% the reason his depression lifted. He now agrees. I let her out to pee, then tread upstairs and wash my face and put on my pajamas, kiss my sleeping husband. I’m too wired to sleep though, maybe because I spent the last day and a half sleeping off the norovirus, so I go back downstairs, eat some banana bread, and start to write.
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fluffi · 3 years
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looks can be so deceiving. i highkey get anxious every time i need to reply to anyone 🤣
love how you grouped the boys! i wish i did that while memorizing the members. it would’ve made things a lot easier 😤 i see that you like their less noisy songs better! i don’t get why people keep saying nct has nothing but noise when the bsides exist 😶
oh i agree. hilarious boy laughed his way to the top of my ult list. never loved a kpop boy more than i loved him 🤕 let’s see if your biases change when you get into 127 more because i remember swerving 4 times before settling with hc 🤣 kun tho! i don’t think there’s anything that man can’t do. i wish i had all the skills he had, would’ve made my life a lot easier. i once had mixed emotions with sungtaro before they debuted but one just can’t help but love those cute boys ☹️💗
AHAHA i do that to my friends to 🤣 but they end up stanning way too late. anti-romantic lives in my head rent free because of the angsty feel! besides that, no rules, dear sputnik, and frost all come second because they hype me up. how about you?
(also sorry if i chat a loooot omg 🤣)
ah no we all get the heebie-jeebies when replying to asks, you just have the courage to reach out to other people haha, i could never 😭
yeah ive always been a fan of retro / r&b / whimsical songs (pretty much txt and izones discography). even for skz i couldnt really get into them because of the music but i listened to ex and their osts and fell in love (>﹏<) and yeah, i used to think nct was all noise too, then i found out about their heavenly vocal line.
for 127 im confident that my biases will change at some point (it always happens for new groups) haha. wow, four times is a lot though 🤣 maybe ill swerve even more since this is a 23 member group. i currently bias kun partly because theres a cpop idol with the same name and i got curious haha. i also was intrigued by all the nct hollywood jokes and saw one about kun driving a train/plane? i still need to get into wayv more, im going unit by unit.
sungtaro are adorable! i was already a shotaro stan before i became a nctzen (because i saw his release pics, they were blowing up on twt) and because hes literally adorable like 272/&(3)2)#)? i cannot process. i didnt notice sungchan much until i watched nct world 2.0, that boy really has skills and brains haha.
i really love all of the songs this comeback (per usual, txt has never disappointed me). heres my ranking hehe: i know i love you > frost > anti-romantic > what if i had been that puma > no rules > dear spitnik > magic > ice cream (ngl this song was a little iffy at first because of its randomness, but i treat it like a meme now hhh)
oh my gosh, dont worry about chatting! youre not a bother, if anything i love it so much when people have back-and-forth asks with me and i get excited everytime i see stuff in my inbox. its a desert out here *sweats*. please please, talk more <3 hope im not being too desperate hhehehehh
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empty-thoughhts · 5 years
Text
it’s you..
Who was the last person you kissed?: Kevin
Do you think you could forgive someone for cheating on you? : Hell no.
How long have you been in your current relationship?: im not.
Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most in life?: nope.
Who’s the last person you sent a friend request to?: no clue.
Do you trust people easily?: nope.
Do you currently have a lot of drama in your life? : not really.
Who’s the last person you kissed on the cheek?: my dad
Is anyone in your family a criminal?: nahh
Do you think you’re attractive?: nope.
Are you currently stressed out about anything?: tooo much
Do you know anyone that’s a stripper?: yeah
Who’s the most sarcastic person you know?: hmmm
Who was the last person you told to shut up?: my mom 
Who do you miss the most right now?: Kevin and Shelby
What was the last thing you lied to your mother about?: hmmm
Do you believe in giving second chances?: yes
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?: yes
Is anyone angry with you at the moment?: idkkk
What’s the last song you heard?: basis new album
Can you quote a song lyric from it?: nahh
Name a song that reminds you of a past relationship:: loyal
Is there anyone in this world you would do absolutely anything for?: my parents
Do you still talk to any of your ex’s?: hopped
Do you like the color of your eyes?: sure
Who’s the last person that sent you a message on myspace?: uhhh
How are you feeling right now?: ehhh
Do you think anyone hates you?: probably
What do you think your last ex would say about you?: too much shit probably
When you say you love someone, do you mean it?: yes
Do you still talk to the first person you fell in love with?: nope
What’s one thing you recently learned?: don't care what others think or say
Are you going to have a baby by the time your 18?: nope 
Do you avoid certain people at school or work?: yeah
Does anyone like you right now that you know of?: no
Would you ever fake your own death?: no
Do you know anyone that was molested as a child?: no
Have you ever kissed anyone that was the same sex as you?: no
Do you still want the last person that hurt you to have a happy life?: yes
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: nah
Why did your last relationship end?: hes. liar and cheater 
What would make your life complete right now?: being in Kevins arms.
Would you ever marry someone who could not have children?: adoption is always an option
Do people compliment you often?: sometimes
What’s one thing you like about the person you’re thinking about right now?: hes so genuine
Are you talking to anyone right now?: Kevin
Do you have any friends that are pregnant?: no
Are you in love with someone right now?: nah
What’s the last thing you stole? : uhhh
What’s a curse word you use often?: fuck
Is a broken heart as bad as it sounds?: yes
Would you ever get plastic surgery?: yes
Have you ever ran away from home?: nah
Do you know anyone that’s ever been raped?: yes
Would you ever kill someone?: nah
Do you ever feel lonely?: a lot lately.
How long did it take you to get over your last heartbreak?: a solid 3/4 months
Have a lot of people betrayed you?: yeah
Do you believe in God?: yes
Are you good at hiding your feelings?: too good
Do you tend to wear your heart out on your sleeve?: ehh
How many unread messages are in your Myspace inbox?: uhhh
Do you know anyone that looks up to you?: nah
Which one of your friends is always serious?: hmm
Are there any people in your life that you wish you never met?: yeah
If you could get any tattoo, what would you get?: a petunia with my dads handwriting,  wave, and karma, 
Are you happy with the person you are?: learning to be 
Do people think you’re a bad person?: ehh
Do they also think that you’re a slut?: ehhh
Are you with the last person you kissed?: semi
Have you ever wanted to just run away and start over?: yes
Have you ever been punched?: no
How many people do you know that have been to jail?: 1
Have you ever given out your cell number and then later regretted it?: yes
Was your last kiss a mistake?: not in the slightest way 
Are you a tease?: Ive been told I am 
Do you love your best friend?: of course
Do you find the opposite sex confusing?: yes
Do you usually end up losing in the game of love?: yea
What’s one sterotype you think you fit perfectly into?: hmmm
Do you know anyone that sells drugs?: no
Do you know anyone that does drugs?: my whole hometown
Do you care about what’s happening in other countries?: ehh
Does anyone think you’re emo? : nah
Do you get annoyed easily?: yeah
Do you consider yourself high maintenance?: nah
Are you faithful in relationships?: yes
Do you think you have a pretty good reputation?: sure
Would you ever intentionally and physically hurt someone?: no
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topicprinter · 5 years
Link
Hi all, I recently wrote this post about how Drip screwed over its most loyal customers and I thought perhaps /r/Entrepreneur would get value out of my lessons learned.----If you’re not familiar, Drip is email marketing software that’s pretty heavy on the marketing automation front. I won’t do them the courtesy of a link, so you’ll have to Google them if you want to check it out.They’ve been around since 2012 or so, founded by someone I trusted, but he sold the business to Leadpages a few years ago, and it’s been going downhill ever since.I’ve been using them for years as the backbone of two “side” businesses: IndieHive, which covers this website for freelancers and the related products and services that I sell, and Everleads, a curated lead generation site for freelance designers and developers.In 2016 and 2017, I really dug deep into Drip. I built out dozens of interconnected workflows to carefully shepherd my subscribers through various funnels and sequences with duplicate emails or annoying content that’s not relevant to them. I integrated my web front-end with their APIs so that I could customize the site for subscribers. I wrote bridging scripts to connect it to Mixpanel for analytics, and I used Zapier to hook Drip up to even more services. It was the heart of my entire business, and it was awesome.But throughout 2018, things started to go awry.I kept experiencing glitches in the workflows where people would get stuck on workflow steps that should be instant, like “remove tag”. Or people would end one workflow and start another, but not have any of the data that the first workflow had set. There were honestly dozens of these little glitches, but individually they were minor.Also troubling: deliverability started to slip. Not precipitously, and I can’t prove that it wasn’t just my emails, but I have heard from others that they were having issues with getting their emails into people’s inboxes in 2018.But the most egregious thing for all of this was that support was basically no help at all. I probably opened two dozen support requests in 2018 and I’m not sure they actually resolved a single one. We’d spend hours going back and forth so they could even understand the problem. Then they’d almost always say one of two things:“For a workaround, just insert a number of delays between steps in your workflows so that the system doesn’t get confused!” So all my workflows had little 5 minute delay steps to try and make sure things worked correctly. Which they still didn’t. Wtf.Or they’d just say they need to escalate to the developers and then I’d get an email weeks or months later from some random support engineer letting me know they were still looking into why the most basic functions of their software don’t work right. Awesome.Alarmed by this, I repeatedly researched alternatives throughout 2018, but nothing seemed worth going through the pain of migration and the risk of just having similar issues somewhere else. So I kept resolving to be patient with Drip and hope (pray) that they were hard at work at undoing whatever architectural disaster had led us here.And then…In early January 2019, while I was on a relaxing cruise with my wife for our 15th anniversary, I got an email from Drip:https://ryanwaggoner.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/drip-bullshit-pricing-email-2.pngSo basically: “Hey, we’re raising our prices in 12 days! You can keep your current price if you switch to an annual plan!”And if you read it carefully, there’s something pretty important missing from this email.It doesn’t say what the new pricing is**. Seriously wtf.**So I emailed to ask. They responded the next day (so now I have 11 days) to reveal they were doubling my monthly price.Drip raised my price from $184 / month to $368 / month with 12 days notice.That’s just about the worst way imaginable to treat your oldest and most loyal customers.And it was the last straw for me.Now, to be clear, I completely understand wanting to grow a company in a new direction, or thinking that you need to raise prices to reflect more value.But you don’t do it when your platform is half-broken, you don’t do it with 12 days notice, and you grandfather in existing customers, at least for long enough for them to migrate. Also, you tell them the price when you tell them that prices are rising.It’s hard to imagine how Drip could have been more disrespectful to their customer base than what they did here.So as of last month, I switched all my subscribers to ConvertKit and ActiveCampaign for Everleads and IndieHive, respectively. That’s thousands of dollars that Drip won’t be getting from me. I managed to get both setups completely migrated off just before their billing renewal dates, in one case with literal minutes to spare.It was a pain and required some late nights but it was worth it to deny them another penny.I’m not alone in feeling upset about this. Twitter was ablaze for weeks with people who were angry and bailing for greener, more respectful pastures. I’ve taken a sick joy in watching a lot of people migrate off Drip with much larger lists than mine.I also cancelled Leadpages in favor of Instapage. I was already unhappy with Leadpages, mainly because it feels pretty clunky and dated, they aren’t very responsive to user feedback, and they’re still missing some pretty basic things (like being able to pass form data to the thank you page. Seriously?).Side note: I was going to link to the Leadpages idea portal, but they apparently shut it down. Makes sense, since it was filled with hundreds of good ideas with many, many customer votes that had been ignored for years.Regardless, even if Leadpages was awesome, they own Drip and I won’t give another penny to such an unethical company that treats its customers so poorly.And this migration was a huge pain (which is what they were counting on), partly because of how complex my Drip setups were, but also because ConvertKit and ActiveCampaign are both pretty different from each other and from Drip. On the surface, they all do some of the same things, but once you dig in, things diverge, which made the migration especially painful.Drip is complicated. Stupidly so. In fact, it’s so complicated that there are a number of problems using it:It doesn’t really work. I mean, it does like 99% of the time, but that last 1% means that some of your subscribers are going to have a bad time. And it’s not just that their emails won’t show up. They might just get stuck in a workflow, or skip some emails in a sequence, or get things at the wrong times, or lose data, etc. And since this happens randomly, the number of subscribers who experience it accumulates over time.The customer support reps don’t really know how it works, because it’s too complicated. So you end up spending hours writing up descriptions of the problem and putting together screencasts to show how things don’t seem to be working, and the only response you get is that they’ll have to ask the developers.It encourages you to setup really fancy complex automations which, even if they did work, are way beyond what you actually need. Just imagine: you can do anything! You can track everything! You can have an unlimited number of tags and fields! Track and automate all the things!Your setup can end up being really brittle and deeply tied to the Drip architecture, which is a problem if you want to migrate off. And it’s hard to expand and modify over time without breaking all kinds of things for your subscribers who are in those automations.The setup is hard to document. It’s easy to end up with a large collection of documents and spreadsheets and screencasts to try and explain not only what you did, but why you did it.It’s hard to audit and debug when things go wrong. And things will go wrong. It’s hard to tell exactly what’s happening with your subscribers, where things went off the rails, and how to get it back on track without screwing things up further.In the end, Drip for me felt like a really shitty programming language. Technically possible to do almost anything, but so painful that in the end you wish you hadn’t bothered.By contrast, ConvertKit is simple. And yes, I think it’s too simple in places. I think there are some genuine gaps in the functionality that makes it a little too hard to get done the things you want.But I’m also aware of the fact that I’m coming from Drip and a really convoluted setup, so being forced to simplify is probably a good thing.And ActiveCampaign is not simple, but it’s powerful in a bunch of ways that Drip should have been. Additionally, it has the distinction of actually being, you know, functional. Crazy, I know.Also, ActiveCampaign apparently is more open to feedback than Drip. I posted a Twitter thread listing some things that I like about it and Jason VandeBoom, the founder of ActiveCampaign, setup a call with me to go over some of my feedback. And ActiveCampaign isn’t a tiny company; they have hundreds of employees and are much larger than Drip. It meant a lot to me that Jason would just jump on the phone with a random customer to see how they could improve.Meanwhile Drip’s emails aren’t even signed by an actual person. During this whole debacle, I don’t think anyone from Drip actually responded to anyone’s tweets or complaints. A couple days after the initial announcement when things were blowing up on Twitter, they sent this out another email that was basically "sorry, not sorry"Just like their price increase, all of their corporate communication just screams “We don’t care about you. Go away.”So I did.I’m actually really glad that I dropped Drip, after all that. Partly because of how much better ConvertKit and ActiveCampaign are as tools, but mostly because it taught me a lesson about how you need to be careful when you’re a small company about who you integrate with, because while your interests may align now, that could change at any point.But this rant has gone on long enough, so I’ll save that point for a future post.Disclaimer: just in case Drip decides to sue me (which would be so on-brand for them at this point), ALL the descriptions of Drip’s functionality, failings, and communications is to the best of my recollection and should not be taken as a literal word-for-word account.----Happy to answer any questions about my experience with Drip, ConvertKit, or ActiveCampaign. Would also love to hear anyone else's experiences with any of those (or others you'd recommend in the space of email-based marketing automation).Original post: https://ryanwaggoner.com/drip-pricing-review/
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