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#ive never been a trading card person but i think these are gonna b like
sillygreenrat · 8 months
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THE EAST PATCH GOT TO 100K ON THEIR KICKSTARTER AND THIS IS THE FREE LIL ADD ON WE WERE TEASED AT!!?!?!?!?!?!
ACTIVELY HOOTING AND HOLLERING?!?!?!?!?! HELLO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
LITERALLY GONNA CRY THESE ARE SO GOOD
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paladin-andric · 6 years
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An Even Game
Hey, everyone! After finishing Blackheart I had a few ideas for some shorts, so I think I’ll be posting some! This one’s about a bunch of mercenaries taking some time off to play some rather elaborate games...
Sofia’s entrance into the company hall was far from silent, but with the boisterous shouts coming from the table, it might as well have been.
None of the group of five could hear her coming as they laughed and complained, the sound of rolling dice and shuffling paper being heard.
“It’s nonsense is what it is!”
“You’re just mad you’re losing!”
“Hey, I’m only losing ‘cause you stacked the game, you rat!”
The woman was a member of the Drakebloods, a mercenary company that had been successful enough to found their own hall. While small, as the company was, it was a pretty massive achievement for them.
It appeared several of the members were using their downtime to play games at the hall, all of them crowded around the round, wooden table and sat in cheap wooden chairs.
Sofia, a soldier within the company, chucked her things onto an empty table as she made her way to the end of game room. Ahead of her they sat, a massive map, a mess of cards and papers, and dice and miniature figurines taking up the entirety of the table.
“Hey boys,” she said casually, most of them turning to look at her.
“Oh, hey Sofia!” David answered, a notable chipperness in his voice.
David was one of three humans at the table, the others being Michael and Emanuel. The fourth member of the group was a koutu, one Sofia knew very well as Con. Though his true name was Conchobhar, enough of the company called him by the simpler nickname that he was now known by both.
The final man at the table was a saalik, one of the lizards from the desert kingdom across the seas. He was Bahim, one of the largest and most intimidating warriors in the whole company. His great size, plainly apparent strength, and frightening reptilian visage did little to show his true nature.
Emanuel smiled at her. “Hey, wanna join? We’re short a player!”
“Pona Federation’s still not taken,” Michael added, sounding a touch irritated.
“Uhh, actually I’d just like to watch, thanks,” Sofia answered, hands on her hips.
“Come on!” David said, trying to egg her on.
“We’d love if you joined us!” Conchobhar said cheerfully, clutching onto a slip of paper.
“Really, thanks but I don’t want to. I don’t even know what you’re playing.”
“We could teach you,” David said softly, a playful grin on his face.
“That’d take ages.” Michael’s voice was low and carried frustration in it. “This game’s already an hour in and we’ve barely done anything. Can we get a move on?”
“Hey...if she doesn’t want to play, we shouldn’t make her,” Bahim’s voice was quiet and meek, as it usually was. Quite a mismatch for the brutish-looking warrior.
“Tsk, whatever,” David said with a roll of his eyes, “If you say so…”
Sofia pulled a chair from another table and joined them, leaning over the massive map and piles of papers. “What in the world is this game, anyway? What needs THIS much work to play?”
“Deacan Kings!” Conchobhar said excitedly.
“Deacan Kings…?”
“You mean to tell me you’ve never played it?” Emmanuel asked, his tanned face staring at her in confusion.
She shook her head. “Never heard of it.”
“Wow…I thought everyone in the whole damn company played this at least once,” David mused.
“Not me. What IS it, anyway?”
“Deacan Kings is like playing history!” Conchobhar cried. “Err...well, like playing how history could have been, anyway. You pick a nation and try to manage your kingdom, and build up the administration, deal with court intrigue, and conduct politics with other plays, forge alliances, scheme, and try to conquer all of Deaco! It’s wonderful!”
Sofia crossed her arms and frowned. “Manage politics and administration? Sounds complicated.”
“Oh, it is!” Bahim said, a sort of shy happiness dancing on his face. “B-but it’s really fun! Once you learn everything, there’s just so much you can do! There’s so many different paths for you to take your nation! There’s dozens of laws you can change your stance on, and nation get their own bonuses, and your ruler gets personality traits that change things and limit what you can do, and how the game goes…” The large lizard stared off into the distance, lost in his joyful recollection of the rules like a child telling his parents about his favorite play.
“Hey, speaking of ruler traits…” David tapped the map. “Turn 20. Time for everyone to get one.”
The group all grabbed for a stack of notes in the corner, each taking one off the top one by one. As they looked at what trait their ruler now had, varying reactions came from all over the table.
“Oooh, I got workhorse!” Conchobhar said excitedly, “Yes!”
“Ah, whatever,” Michael said angrily, tossing his card to the table.
“What, what'd ya get?” David asked.
“Soft-hearted.”
“Hey, that’s not bad at all!” Conchobhar said, “That’s amazing for the endgame!”
“Yeah...for when you have a massive empire,” the irritated human said, “I’ve got two regions, man. TWO. All cause David’s mad that I’m better than him.”
“Aww, what are you talking about? I thought you were GOOD at this game!” David laughed mockingly.
“Literally no one plays the kobold tribes, you ass. They get annexed by turn three, tops.”
“Michael’s the best Deacan Kings player, basically ever,” Conchobhar explained to Sofia in a low whisper, “Whoops everyone here every time we play. David complained so now he’s handicapped.”
The woman nodded, now understanding why Michael seemed so annoyed. He was too good to play with, so they had given him a nation so outgunned it would be hopeless to win in most other players’ hands.
“Oh, and soft-hearted boosts happiness and lowers unrest in every region,” the birdman added, “Pretty amazing when you’ve got dozens of places to keep under control.”
The woman nodded, becoming more interested in the game. “I see…God, this is complicated. Interesting, though...”
“And yet here you are at turn 20. I don’t see what you’re complaining about…” David was grinning like mad.
“Cause you’re BAD,” Michael said, flashing a grin of his own, “Five thousand tribal warriors, and you just can’t stamp me out.”
“Tsk. You got lucky!”
“Nope. Learn about terrain and maybe your massive army could beat a couple of kobolds with sticks,” he shot back.
“I’m gonna kick your ass!” David shouted, “Just wait til ya-”
The man’s eyes went wide as he stared down at his card, his mouth freezing in place.
“Oooh, I think he got something good,” Emmanuel said, looking over at the other man.
“What? What did you get?” Conchobhar asked, trying to peek over his card.
“...GENIUS!” David announced triumphantly, “King Bohem is now a genius!”
“Horseshit,” Michael grumbled. The others all chattered in excitement as he tapped the table, deep in thought.
“That’s a good trait, I’m guessing.” Sofia said, the others turning to look at her.
“Are you kidding?! It’s the best trait in the whole game!” David answered, still ecstatic.
“It lowers civil unrest, boosts tax and trade revenue, increases your military command, gives a nationwide boost to prosperity, and makes you able to change laws three times as fast!” Conchobar explained giddily.
“I haven’t seen anyone get genius in a long time,” Emmanuel said quietly, “Speaking of which...I’ve got agriculturalist now.”
“Aww, come on!” Michael complained, “Did EVERYONE but me get a good trait?!”
“Soft-hearted’s a good trait, just-”
“Just not for the current situation, yeah yeah yeah,” the increasingly frustrated man cut Conchobhar off, “I know.”
“A true ruler serves the people,” the koutu said with a sly grin.
“Chieftain Stonebark giving his slaves hugs doesn’t really matter when they’re all about to die, does it?” Michael said with a roll of his eyes.
“...ah.” Bahim’s eyes rose from his card, a sullen expression on his muzzle. “Err...cheer up, Michael. Stonebark’s got it better than the Sultan.”
“Oh dear. Get one of the negative traits?” the man replied.
“Ahaha...you know how David got the best trait in the game?” the large lizard smiled sheepishly. “Err...Sultan Venhim is now...insane.”
There was a brief pause, the entire room bathed in oppressive silence for a moment...before everyone erupted into laughter.
Sofia watched them all lose it, confused by their reactions.
“O-oh, God!” David slapped his thigh. “Oh, WOW!”
“Rest in peace, Abinsil,” Emmanuel said, trying not to laugh.
“Oh dear...that just leaves the kobold tribes as allies to the Koutu Kingdom,” Conchobhar said with a notable amount of worry.
“Tsk...sounds like I might need to sail down there and take a few regions, Bahim,” Emmanuel said.
“W-what?! Aww, come on!”
“Hey, my back’s been against the wall this whole game! I’ve gotta do what I’ve gotta do,” the human answered back.
Michael’s anger seemed to have evaporated. “Huh. I guess things really could be worse…”
“Uhh...why are you all talking like he’s just out of the game?” Sofia asked, “Is it really that bad?”
“Yes, and he basically is,” Conchobhar answered.
“Insane makes you roll the dice at the start of every one of your turns,” Michael explained, “If you roll lower than 20, every one of your actions, changing laws, moving troops, diplomacy and troop movements...is decided randomly by rolling to see what happens.”
“Insane rulers basically flail about doing nothing until their entire nation is wiped out, since they can’t even move their troops to defend or attack anything,” Emmanuel added.
“That sounds...really, really dumb and unfair,” Sofia said, rubbing her chin.
“Yeah, but it makes civil unrest skyrocket too.” Conchobhar flashed a scrap of paper with lists of names and traits. “If they survive long enough there should be a civil war, and since the player usually can’t respond in any way they’re beaten and overthrown quickly...not that anyone should TRY to keep an insane king in power! Once they roll for their new monarch they can start playing again.”
“Ugh...PLEASE don’t invade me,” Bahim whined, “I don’t wanna get kicked out now!”
“I don’t know…” David gave the lizard a predatory grin. “You’ve been developing your regions SO well. They’re so rich…”
“Aww, come on! Don’t! Pleeeaaase?”
“Hmm...I’ll send you a marriage proposal!” Conchobhar announced, “Then we can form an alliance and I’ll take the heat off of you!”
“R-really?! Wow, thanks!”
“Don’t thank him yet, your loony king still has to roll to accept,” Michael noted.
“I’ll just keep trying til we succeed!” the koutu said happily, “Then I can deploy in your regions!”
“Hey, now everyone’s in a coalition against me!” David cried, “No fair!”
“Hey, you’re the one who picked the overpowered nation,” Michael said with a grin, “It’s only natural.”
“Bah! I’ll just deploy dragons against you all!”
“Once my capital gets to the next prosperity level I can summon dragons too,” Michael said, “You’d better watch out…”
“Argh! I won’t let you live that long! I’m attacking you!”
Michael shifted miniatures as David did the same, the two of them moving their “soldiers” into lines across their borders.
“Better hope that this doesn’t end up like the last assault…” the kobold player said with a grin.
“Whatever!” is all David, the Geralthin player managed in response, grabbing a sheet of paper. “Pah...forty to one, you see that?! You’re hopelessly outnumbered.”
“Than it’s an even game.”
Sofia leaned back as she watched them all go, everyone shouting encouragements and playful insults as the two players prepared for battle.
Perhaps I should learn how to play, too…
Tag list: @thereisnothingwrongwithbeingmad, @lady-redshield-writes, @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword, @sheralynnramsey, @tawnywrites, @writer-on-time, @oceanwriter, @zwergis-spilledink, @fluffpiggy, @elliewritesfantasy, @homesteadhorner,  @laurenwastestimewriting, @elaynab-writing, @the-ichor-of-ruination, @disheveledcorvid-deactivated201, @reya-writes, @bexminx
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