#ive never not been myself in a dream | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

builtlikeastickofcelery · 2 years

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the other night i had a dream that i was leo and the whole family was vacationing on a tropical island except there were these teleport spots that teleported you, so I was trying to teleport to a cool beach or reef or something but only humans could activate the teleporter and I wanted this girl (I went to camp with her) to teleport me and for some reason she was sitting on a surfboard and I think Rupert Grint and this kid in one of my classes who has great hair were also waiting so I was like “i need goggles” and I ran back to the resort which was 100% made of nicely stained wood and full of white people and small children crying there was dragonfruit in flower shapes and just like a whole melon which I took and for some reason I (Leo) distinctly remember HATING dragonfruit but I (dusky) personally love it so that was confusing but anyway I tried to go back but there was an obstacle course and the first obstacle was a 2 foot horizontal jump to some broken stairs and there was an old man facilitating and blocking my view and I could not see the rest of the course and I spent the whole rest of the dream trying to get across. The end. (This is a draft from a WHILE ago)

#rottmnt #i have great dreams cj knows this #cj tag #this is because I made her watch the rise movie with me #and then we stayed up super kate #latw #late #and I guess I project onto Leo so hard that I just became him??????#who knows #the dragonfruit thing really tripped me up tho #because I love dragonfruit but I distinctly remember saying #“ew this tastes like crunchy water”#or something like that #weird shit #i hope it happens again tbh maybe I do hate dragonfruit #ive never not been myself in a dream #It was an Experience

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beatcroc · 11 days

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what kind of frivolity would you engage in, mecha?

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#mecha sonic #scrapnik mecha sonic #scrapnik island #sonic fanart #sonic fandom #arting #msab #good MORNING. i have given myself many emotions about mecha's big stupid cape. like a fool. such is the way i suppose #god ive been dying to get to this one. do you get it. do you understand #victories; if not on your own terms. achievements; if not the ones you thought you wanted. childhood dreams that never die.#which on that note yeah this is also my favorite one for showing eggman-era mecha as like #''yeah hes hes the most arrogant and murderous jackass on the planet but hes also like 17.''#& therefore kind of a lame little nerd by default. he thinks capes are sooooooo coool #we were all stupid kids once but sometimes u get older and u still wanna paint your house purple. and sometimes u still want a cool cape #it occurs to me that actual 17-year-olds may see this and to that i say: sorry. you guys are fine do ya thang.#its just that im 29 and have grey hair and shit so i have a certain Perspective on being 17 is all. & scrapnik mecha is like mid-30's to me #i knoooowwww he loves his big stupid cape so much. look at the refsheets with his dumbass spines poking holes through the the hood #tell me he has not made a COMMITMENT to wearing that hood despite being built in a way that makes that incredibly inconvenient #u look at nathalie fourdraine's christmas scrapniks post and tell me he isnt having so much fun #being all decorated and swishing around in that Even Bigger And Stupider Cape & shawl w/ his friends #hes so funny for that he's generally such a serious kinda character but on god he does also love some showmanship and flashiness.#i want to make it clear btw i also think capes are awesome i literally cosplay a guy with Two [2] capes.#& mecha is basically the coolest ever. but also hes still funny for that

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skunkes · 26 days

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i dpnt want to go hoooome

#i miss drawing but thats it #talkys #at rainforest cafe we had a really nice funny upbeat server #who ended up chatting with us and saying he is 26‚ was FINALLY able to leave home from his home state (not Texas)#to be here (Texas) and he gets to be out of the closet and stuff and its like I feel this could be me too like I Get It. ive been having Fun #being away and chatting with strangers and such #i want to be away...my voice being hurt today had me dreaming about being on T again #bjut also i rly dont know its hard to see a future myself even now that my friend is continuing to help me find it ykwim #like as a kid i never looked forward to any of it. puberty high school driving college career #i thought id get over driving once i Got There but ive been driving and all i can think of is how i wasnt born to drive at all. i hate it #idk how i cld survive away from home if the driving is so difficult. the driving we did today was so stressful. i cld not have maneuvered #it at all. idk. i wanna live away but idk that its feasible and even when it seems more feasible (employment out of town) it doesnt #(the driving. the living. the sustaining self and making sure he eats the maximum 1 meal per day. the Fear. ykwim)

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dykrophone · 5 months

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post exam clarity is hitting me like a truck I feel sick

#why did I. do any of that #I'm never gonna be free now am I #it's okay. im gonna forgive myself and move on.#what's the worst that could happen. I've been the butt of the joke my whole life ive been bullied my whole life #last year of school by every fucking gut ganging up on me in the class #i can deal with whatever comes of this #god...#it's fine. fuck it we ball #this isn't enough to faze me. just another embarrassing story for the roster #it all feels like a fever dream omg i legit can't even remember it it feels like i was watching all that happen to someone else #I'm on break now. finished a year of college. fresh start #vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 11 months

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sometimes ya just gotta scribble your favorite character giving you words of encouragement. even if that favorite is a guy from your own brain

#shoutout to my Specialest Boy he always has my back #hes not a real person but he's got me!!! he always does!#he's been Getting Me Through It since eighth fucking grade!#whether its nice words or a mental slap and a Do It Scared #setting him as my home screen for extra Courage on this scary day #(have to apply for a job in person somewhere ive never been)#if i feel too nervous i can open my phone and look at his smiling face!#there is a gay ace gender-nonconforming man on my phone and he's 50% of my emotional support #IF HE DID ALL OF THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS SCARED THEN! THEN I CAN APPLY FOR A JOB!#said through gritted teeth and with panicked breathing #i really gotta work on that Do It For Him board...#absolutely unprompted #if i get this done he'd be proud of me and that's all i need #gazing at him lovingly. someday ill pay him back #i have years to puzzle out how i want to put him out into the world #since i highly doubt ill ever manage to get into tv business and make my own animated show #childish dreams! but they soothe me at night #man i just want him to be loved... OKAY IM GETTING EMOTIONAL time to cut myself off tags over

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just-spacetrash · 18 days

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😖

#big things are happeningggggg im gonna watch sentinel too pt1 aaahhhh #i almost talked myself out of it but this is NOT gonna be one of those series i like so much that i'll never finish it #ive been saving it so that i only watch episode per day #but i cant just watch pt1 what if blair diess #sorry 90s fujos thank you for your service but im not as strong as you i cant wait a day much less a cancellation between pt1 and pt2 #aaa so exciting!!!!!#ive heard sm about alex i wanna see what she looks like #expect a LOT of updates to this post #omg right away the sound quality is awful omg gshdjdj #this is actually someone just recording their box tv i think #my post #omggggg alex is finally here and woah mama she is gorgeousssss #also real subtle with the jaguar pants fshdhd #they rly found a woman with a real jaguar-y face i think #its hot #omgg a music montage?? i love ittt weve been getting more of these on s3!!#woahhhhh the famed homoerotic preminition-animal-symbolism-dream????#YES AND THE SHITTY 90S ANIMAL/HUMAN MORPH CGI I LOVE ITTTTT #fellas is it gay to see a dream of yourself shooting a wolf in a blue jungle and as it dies that wolf turns into your roommate/life partner #asking for a friend #sandburg is WHIPPED i dont blame him i dont think i could talk if a woman like that was speaking to me #cassies still my favorite sentinel girlie but can u blame me for liking evil blondes

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jacksprostate · 6 months

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sorry this is once again my monthly 'i'm in love with people and our capacity for compassion even in the face of deep deep cruelty, even though i've seen worse and worse things, come to terms with so much, it's my love of humanity that has let me avoid rotting, encouraged me to grow and chase my own place in helping everyone around me" post

#im really excited for the job im starting. still about a month or so out but heading towards a career change sort of that im really excited #for. im just... i actually used to be very cynical and i struggled to see the point through all the terrible things in the world #but for many reasons #even as i discovered worse and worse things #ive developed... resiliency i never thought id have #born out of this appreciation for those and the world around me #and i wish i could share it. i see so many people in my old shoes #im still growing. so much to do #but im at a level of contentment.. idk. i couldntve dreamed of #and it took effort #it is not /easy/ to face things and believe in good regardless #but. its rewarding. i wish it for all of you #on a similar but different note ive been reaching a point of being more myself in social situations rather than just a chameleon #and ive been lucky enough to have the people around me the past two years or so be very supportive in a way that has truly let me grow and #become a better version of myself #and its sort of been this positive feedback loop. because the more confident and passionate you are the more people are delighted by your #eccentricies #i used to be so beat down #i still struggle so much #but. im at a place i never thought id be #no doubt there will be struggles in the future #hell its not like things are perfect now #still so much. major things to improve on #but idk. i am happy #and its a very full sense of happiness.#full and aware and strong #thats what i wish for all of you :)

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seariii · 7 months

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I was stressed but now i'm more chill and really sleepy...

#overall my mood has been better but i am so incredibly terrified of the future... its like....#like i feel as if someone has holding me at gun point and got told thst if i did any mistakes they would shoot #but then im not given clear instructions on what i need to do and i have to figure it out myself #i am really scared... even tho all of this gave me a new objective... i dont wanna be obsolete...#... so... that what we will work on... also... i wanna work towards my dreams...#I've been putting it off for so long i want to do it #people support me and actually enjoy my voice... i want to...#the things on my plate right now are things i can achieve... but i want more... i want things i actually want...#i want...#my house has a constant buzzing sound. i believe its because of the small power plant behind the lot. which makes it difficult for recording #since i have to get rid of that and that messes with the rest of the audio #its comforting to know it wasnt the mic tho... heh...#tomorrow lets try to take the first few steps... well more like lets try to continue with the set up #we have already a couple stuff but we still have a lot missing...#... today the girls said some stuff that impressed me... thats how im perceived?... is that what people think of me?#i kinda want to... fulfill those 'expectations'... they dont expect anything but its more of a me thing... ive been dreaming and hoping for #so long but i dont take the next step. i never do... and its because of the executive dysfunction... but... once i get the hang of it...#once i do... everything will be excellent... and we will take it easy #i am so tired already... i feel im gonan falla sleep #seari talks

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ninjasmudge · 10 months

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tshirt i had on while trying to host a cooking show in a dream i had last night

#ive also never been to liverpool #but maybe dream me knew something i didnt #i was trying to show people how to make orange juice by squishing oranges with my hands #but watching myself do it in third person obviously #shark talks #hey wait i need to make a poll tanginally related

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shrapnarl · 2 months

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quick dreamsnso i can find them later

#eating pine branches at grandmas.#lived next door.#renting.#pine branches were really tasty and chewy like ... soupy tootsie rolls?#tried to sneak up on sister #while holding a plastic bag #found. she thought i was soemthing worse. also had been followed by crows for awhile #went back home. grandparents mom and uncles gave me 21 cents and advice on how to have a good birthday on the dime #played sonic the hedgehog with mom except ive never played sonic before in my life so it definitely wasnt that #more like animal crossing with an explore / battle mode?#and you could only pick from 3 characters #mom played with me. i was surprised.#. next dream #exploring a minecraft like world. big mansion #somehow end up in hell #i fall down and loose my exit. have to fight invisible ghasts and monsters until i can explore and find a way back #find a way back. no tools. hard to find resources to make a pickaxe in this mansion.#im with a bunch of people and mocked for not being able to find twigs #someone destroys a chair and hands me a bundle of twigs #i know the next step is to go punch a tree but all the trees growing here are pretty and i dont want to #later theres some ceremony. funeral maybe but with more religious undertones?#i have to wear a dress #and am handed heavy dangly earrings to wear #after i mourn and gather myself. some sort of special symbolism.#i take longer to mourn than the crowd of others would like #wearing the earrings themselves feels like tremendous grief to me. the weight of doing something I Am Not.#then they ask me to put on eyeshadow too #all of this in a very feminine way mind you #i tear tf out of there and flee #i run into more people in the hallway. somehow this place ends up being the church i grew up in

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turnedpalefromlackofsun · 3 months

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WIP

#IM---#WHY IS HE GOING SIDE TO SIDE #BROTHER PLEASE WALK STRAIGHT #shouldve made this wwx or something #ok so i found an alternative route to get this shit in 10 minutes #whereas the other path took me a week and it still works less than this #so first take the vrm make a copy and turn the copy into a glb. just change the extension name. then import it to blender #then generate an fbx with or without textures nobody gives a shit just do it #get the animations on that and then import back the skeleton to blender #then on your static model you will want an animation track so literally go into pose mode pick a bone and then add a keyframe #then go ahead delete it. you just wanted a blank animation track #then rename the imported skellys and then push down the animations to make them actions #then add the actions to this model by going to the NLA and just. adding the actions.#thats how to get to this point. idk why hes swaying and how to fix that. im gonna go mess with that now #once this works i can fulfill my dream and i can start mocapping myself with a whip #ive been mocapped before ive never done it myself tho #ive always been a minor antagonist in every game ive been in #is there something about my face?#forgot to mention. this fixes the glb file geometry rendering export issue. now i can use glb again #which means i can put this shit on neocities #edit: I found the issue. DO NOT adjust the skeletons and absolutely do NOT EVER transform all while importing #this is my guide to myself because I will forget and then get screwed so bad #edit edit: do not import glb using the default setting on blender. use the middle setting. idk what it says but thats the one.#use the one with cones not balls

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dark-wackademia · 6 months

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youtube

You’re Not Lazy : How To Force Your Brain To Crave Doing Hard Things

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newfeeling77 · 1 year

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ill be doing volunteer stuff for the tv studio at school n i was like ohh yeah thatll look good on a resume i guess n that was the first time in the 3 years ive been in college that i really thought about the fact im eventually going to be done n go get a career or whatever and its all real shit n it was so strange i nearly vomited.

#its not even just cause i never thought id live to 18 let alone 22 n be in college n stuff #i just really cant picture myself actually doing anything in my field. like doing the stuff i care about and having a job #its so weird but ive never been capable of imagining a future so im like whattttt i thought i was dreaming 💭

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hyp3rfixation-h3ll · 1 year

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Sorry for putting this one out so late, life got ahead of me today X__x I know i made a piece for PMATGA's overall bday, but I feel as if i should make a separate one for, arguably, the episode that literally changed my life, as corny as that sounds. So I did :o) Happy 10 years to the middleaged orb couple that changed mine and, in turn, many, many other peoples' lives. <3 (Feat mine and @cogsincorporated's respective designs for sunny and zac as well as the canon ones <3)

#pacman and the ghostly adventures #pmatga #sunny x zac #sunny pmatga #zac pmatga #i genuinely feel so old . i cant believe it's been so long #im turning 18 this year and it feels so unreal ive basically grown up with these guys #whn i say they changed my life i mean it #i found ghostly adventures and these two when i was young and in recovery from a less-than-ideal situation w/ my relatives #and i got attached to them and when i saw how Little fanart there was i got PISSED and said “you know what? im gonna learn to draw”#“AND im gonna talk about them NONSTOP so people never forget them”#and i did! and now im here. 10 years later #and in a way i got what i dreamed for. people draw them more than when i was active in the fandom #maybe not in the way i'd have hoped yk. but theyre being recognised now #and it makes me happy. its what baby me wouldve wanted #i still remember when it clicked for me that i really liked the name sunny for myself . that was a time #i shoulde probably realised i was trans lol #uh. if youve read this far. thank you. i cant explain how much this episode in particular means to me but it's forever in my heart #i wish i could share the love i had with you all in a way that makes sense #but this'll do too #happy anniversary to sunny and zac!

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vanyafresita · 8 months

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actually, you know what ? im glad my ex gf ghosted me, i dodged a bullet it seems

#this was two years ago and just a few months ago i started getting over it #on the one hand yeah it fucking SUCKS i wish i had had some type of warning instead of radio silence suddently from one day to the other #on the other i was ready to move to texas (me: poc queer fem presenting nd bitch) and was looking seriously jobs over there #and like- i fucking HATE the usa but she was really scared about leaving the states to come to europe- so i was willingly to travel there to #be with her and not put her through that (ive been traveling since childhood so im used to it- but she has certain mental stuff going on and #taking her away from her family and her childhood city was going to be really tough- of course i'd sacrifice my life for hers)#and like im so sorry to everybody who is stuck in the usa right now bcs ur country is treating yall so poorly i feel genuinely bad #but as someone who was planninh to work over there as a teacher..... IM SO FUCKING GLAD I DONT HAVE TO SET FOOT THERE 😭#every single thing i hear about the education system there seems hellish- as well as the teachers' conditions and wages #like over here its not all rainbows and flowers but at least i dont have to worry about school shootings or getting fired for recommending #books from a banned list 💀#ESPECIALLY as a poc latino queer linguistics and literature teacher- i'd love to talk to students about a big range of things- i cannot #imagine having to censor myself or dance around a subject becs “kids are too dumb to understand queerness” “youre trying to groom them”#“dont brainwash em you commie” like ma'am im trying to help your child develop basic empathy and respect for those who dont look like them #like i hear some serious worrying stuff from teachers over there i hope u guys are holding up somehow 😭😭😭#anyways idk how the phrase in english goes but in spanish we say cuando dios cierra una puerta- abre una ventana #(<- trying to look for the positive in getting ghosted by the girl of their dreams)#its fine guys anyways #yeah that was the first LD relationship ive ever had- never trying that again #also i found out im arospec so im definitely not getting into a romantic relationship lmfaoooooo #only QPRs for me now if anything lol #vanya strawberry flavored

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yunogf · 1 year

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#been sitting in my car for 30 min after clocking out then just making up errands to have an excuse to do smth #so i dont have to go home &be alone until i have smth to do again (go to work the next morning) :(((((#hate how u can go a whole day w out seeing someone &think ok maybe i can get a good nights sleep but then they show up #10 min before u leave for the day &then ur night is ruined bc u have trouble falling asleep #then have stress dreams when u do finally fall asleep #😞😞#ik its bc i havent confronted anything but i dont see myself ever doing it or rather initiating the confrontation bc idt it's my place #like what right do i have to disrupt what someone else has going to bring myself some ease #idk this probably doesnt make any sense i just need to vent bc i have cried in my car everyday after work for a month 😭#im ok ive just landed myself in a particularly shitty situation but only for me #everyone else is fine 🫠#&im a chronic overthinker so i have all these thoughts just swirling around &festering #im driving myself insane &then whenever im around.....the other ppl in this situation.....theres never a chance to let any of it out #im gonna explode at some point i know it &i dont want that to happen bc i dont want to be mean :(( but i also dont want to grow to resent #anyone bc this shit hasnt been properly dealt with :(((((#ugh .#changing of the weather isnt helping i feel like im 16 again in my dark bedroom driving myself insane 😭😭

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