#ive not been diagnosed w anything but im going to add ed cws for other folks
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people who can just eat anything they want and not suffer in the physical and mental consequences: what’s that like
#yeah im getting into dodgy territory here#ive not been diagnosed w anything but im going to add ed cws for other folks#ed /#ed //#ed cw#ok it begins#i wonder when im going to have a normal person relationship w food#when i think about it im not sure i ever have#it’s kind of funnily ironic given i am a foodie and i love cooking and baking#i was raised not only with the whole southern idea that eating lots = healthy but also was hardly restricted with portions + snacks#so you can imagine how that went for me#up til high school anyway#i dont remember 100% of it but i think i had slowly and steadily grown insecure w my body n weight#and then one ✨ fateful ✨ day i found the scale in my parents bathroom#and so things went the opposite direction from there <3#i wont get into it because that’s another ordeal for another time#i weigh much less now but not underweight#and ive worked on kicking bad habits and feelings i developed#and ive done good!#but some stuff has still clung on#im laying here in bed regretting having a simple drink and nibble of some cereal#because i feel full and i can’t stand the feeling#not helping that im also wearing shorts bcus summer and i also can’t stand the feeling of my thighs rubbing together#anyway with food; now im at this dumb point where i cant go more than like 3-4 hrs without food or else my body Yells At Me#for example i know it when it hits because i’ll stand up and every part of me suddenly feels like a frail dead leaf in the cold#even disregarding the low blood pressure#which. guess how that got there. lol#im also on vitamins for iron because iron deficiency#aw fuck i hit the tag limit i gotta stop here anyway yeah me and food are in an unhealthy love-hate relationship <3#diary
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