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wowiejimin · 7 years

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Safe - Chapter 8

this is probably one of the most longest chapters ive ever published oml but im pretty proUD OF IT EVEN THO ITS PRETTY BORING AT FIRSTTEETEE

if any of you guys are having trouble finding the updates to this fic, here are some options :)

you can either search up “wowiejimin safe fic” and once you do, all the chapters including the chapter list should be there~

“wowiejimin safe fic” is also a hashtag that i include in my tags so if you’re willing to follow it, you’ll be able to see all of the chapters and updates on your TL :D

another way is to put my post notifications on if you follow me but i also do have the chapterlist in my description on my profile (it’s always updated) so feel free to do so~

i also update every week :)

ENJOY

Pairing: Gang Member!Jimin x Poor Heart!Genius!Reader

Genre: Angst, Romance, Lots of Action, Humor, Fluff, & Smut (In the Future)

Length: 6.2k

Warnings: Swearing, SOOOO MUCH (SEXUAL? IDK) TENSION OML, flufffflyllylyy stuff

Members Included: All of BTS, other KPop groups in the future

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In his world, being a part of a mafia gang, known as Bangtan Boys, is a bit terrifying. They were truly a filthy rich and powerful group that everyone feared. 22-year old Jimin was described as the stealthiest and most skilled member of Bangtan, playing an important part in their group. Whereas for 20-year-old (Y/N), a genius with a weak heart is suffering inside the cruel world as she is experimented on on the daily basis. Jimin finds himself protecting a gifted girl whose memory can hold numerous things in a blink of an eye. Jimin finds an interest in her, visioning that she may be a valuable asset to their group. Jimin has never paid attention to girls. However, that started to change when he met her.

The following day, (Y/N) took a seat next to Jimin, like always. She looked around the room to meet eye contact with the rest of the boys.

After explaining about the plan with Jimin and (Y/N), it was time to tell the others about it.

Namjoon was the only one standing up, looking over at his members before clearing his throat. “As you all know, (Y/N) has obtained the special documents Yoongi hyung needed and it was a success.” Namjoon smiled at (Y/N), “However, those documents contained (Y/N)’s files as Banjo hired a member of the Golden Flies to do the job to terminate her files.”

(Y/N) let out a distressed breathe, not believing that Banjo went this far in order to bring her back to the lab. “Although, Yoongi recovered them, allowing (Y/N) to be safe from them.” He says as the boys let out sighs of relief, “For now.” Namjoon says and Taehyung frowned, “What if we want (Y/N) to be safe forever?” He pouted, “I don’t want (Y/N) to go away!” Taehyung cried.

(Y/N) sadly smiled at him, “I’m sure we all want (Y/N) to stay with us and to be safe too.” Jimin says and Jin nodded, “Indeed we do.” He says, “Right, but how?” Hoseok asked.

Yoongi smirked, “As you know, Banjo is a bad man, as well as Mr Han. The two have been working for years before meeting (Y/N). During those years, they’ve been committing corrupt deals with others and recorded a list of each and every one of them on a disc.” Yoongi says and looked over at his members, “With this disc, we can either threaten and blackmail them,” Yoongi says before looking at (Y/N), “Or we expose it, thus destroying everything that they have.” Yoongi explained and Jin hummed.

“Blackmailing seems a bit uneasy, although it may work, considering of how much data is written on there.” Jin thought as Jungkook crossed his arms, “How about both?” All the members looked at the young member with playful glares as Jungkook grinned, “What? Why not?”

Namjoon sighed and lightly chuckled at Jungkook’s suggestion, “Although we do have the power to do so, I don’t think that would be necessary.” He says before clapping his hands, pointing them towards (Y/N), “Since (Y/N) has known the two longer than we have, she’s one step closer to finding that disc.” He says and smiled. Jimin then cleared his throat, "And because (Y/N) knows the two better than we do and being our tactician, she’ll be planning this mission.“

(Y/N) nodded in agreement, "There may be a few bumps on the road. These two are no joke, they’re loaded with men and power as much as we are. However, with precise planning, I’m sure we can find this disc and get the job done easily.” (Y/N) smiled shyly. The members let out smiles and cheers, “I hope this works, (Y/N).” Yoongi says with a smile, the first ever smile (Y/N) had seen coming from Yoongi. Taehyung’s tail wagged, “I really really don’t want (Y/N)-ah to go, I’ll do anything in the world to keep her on our side!"

The members chuckled as (Y/N) smiled widely, agreeing with Taehyung, "I don’t ever want to go back at that place, and I’m also willing to do everything to stay with all of you.” She says shyly, a hint of blush on her cheeks. The members looked at her with adored expressions before agreeing with her.

Jimin stared at (Y/N) with a faint smile. (Y/N) shared a few laughs with the members before looking back at Jimin, who was already staring at her with loving adoring eyes, same as the others. (Y/N) smiled at him as the other members continued to talk. “I hope this works.” She says, “I wish to stay with all, with you, forever.” She says as Jimin sent her a smile.

“Me too.” He says, brushing a stray hair away from her face, smiling even more at the sight of her flushed cheeks.

“Because wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be there for you whatever it takes or how my heart breaks. I want and will be there for you forever.“

~/~

It’s been three weeks since the whole mission with Dongmin as it was back to training for (Y/N) after she fully healed. Bangtan decided to lay low for awhile especially since the death of Kim Hyunwook. Whereas for Dongmin, he was taken to their HQ was imprisoned, with a necessary amount of care, ordered by (Y/N), as his fate was later decided.

Not only that, after all those weeks of training, Jimin claimed that (Y/N) was ready to pursue real missions along with the others.

But here they were, after a morning jog with Taehyung around the neighbourhood and gun practice in the hills with Jungkook, (Y/N) stood in the ring with Jimin.

Today, Jimin decided with all the training he has done with (Y/N), he was able to work on her speed and agility. After a few rounds of Jimin moving around a landing a couple of punches on (Y/N), she finally got the hang of it and even got to beat Jimin at his own game.

Jimin swung his strong leg over, however, (Y/N) quickly ducked and landed another punch on his shoulder, causing Jimin to lose balance. Seeing this as an opportunity, (Y/N) swung her fist at him, knocking him down to the mat.

Jimin grunted as tumbled to the ground, “Oof.” He winced slightly.

(Y/N) smiled widely, jumping a bit a few times as she cheered proudly. Jimin smirked up at her, watching her awkwardly dance around over her victory. (Y/N) noticed his stare and stopped, blushing slightly as she smiled shyly. Jimin chuckled, he thought it was cute and to say that he was proud was an understatement.

“My third win in a row!” She says in triumph as Jimin shrugged, getting up from the mat. “What can I say, I’ve gone soft on you.” He says and got out of the ring, (Y/N) following.

“I think that’s enough training, (Y/N). You did well today.” He confessed as (Y/N) let out a content sigh as she took a swing from her water bottle. “I think you’re ready for the real stuff.” He says as he also takes a swing of water.

(Y/N) puts down her bottle and looked at the older boy, “Real stuff?” She asked as he nodded, “Yeah, the real stuff.” He smirked at her as he motioned her to follow him. After packing their things, they made their way up to their room.

As they walked up the stairs, Hoseok smiled at them as he went walked down the marble steps, “Done training?” He asked as (Y/N) nodded with a mixture of a confused and happy smile, “Yeah, Jimin says I’m ready for the real stuff.” She looked over at him and Hoseok looked at her with his gold irises gleaming. He sent her a slight smirk, “Oh I see,” He says as he continued to walk down the steps, “Well, whatever it is, good luck~” And with that, he went straight to the kitchen.

Jimin hummed and walked into his room. He then took his shirt off, slightly surprising (Y/N) with the sudden action. “Go ahead and get ready. We’re going to the HQ, I want to show you something.” He says and grabbed a towel from the washroom and a set of clothes, “I’ll be showering in Jungkook’s washroom so you can do your thing in here.” He sent her a smile before walking out.

(Y/N) nodded at him before walking into the washroom, stripping down her clothes before entering the shower.

It’s been almost a month since (Y/N) has been in the HQ, last time being when she first met Jimin. (Y/N) wondered what Jimin had to show her, but whatever it was, it must be important. Especially if it was located at the HQ itself.

After showering, she put on clothes that fitted into the smart casual category; a simple white-button down blouse tucked into a black bandage skirt. After brushing and drying her hair, she walked out to find Jimin sitting on their bed, wearing a black button down shirt along with black jeans.

He smiled up at her as he ran a hand through his damp dark hair. “Alright, let’s go.”

The two made their way to Jimin’s car and out of the Bangtan residence grounds.

On their way there, (Y/N) turned to Jimin, “So what is this thing you’re gonna show me?” She asked and Jimin hummed, “Now that,” He turned to her, face inches apart as he smiled at her, “Is a surprise.” He says as (Y/N) huffed with a smile, leaning back to her seat.

After a few minutes, Jimin drove into the underground parking lot, just beneath their building. Jimin then parked in his usual spot, in front of the elevator. Jimin quickly got out, opening the door for (Y/N). She quietly thanked him as they walked into the elevator, Jimin pressing the button that led them to the floor where his office sat.

Instead of walking towards his office, Jimin led (Y/N) to a set of double doors. (Y/N) looked at him confusingly, “Did you move office rooms?” She asked as Jimin chuckled, shaking his head.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he pointed at the plated tag that was set on the doors.

Kim (Y/N), Bangtan Tactician, it read.

Namjoon decided to have (Y/N) take his last name as she didn’t really remember her real surname, despite the fact that she had a superior memory. Jimin protested, thinking that (Y/N) should take his surname but Namjoon refused, saying something about "Wait till the right moment until she’ll have yours”, leaving Jimin quite confused and upset but nonetheless, he was happy for (Y/N).

(Y/N)’s lips twitched up slightly before smiling widely up at Jimin. “Really?” She asked excitedly. Jimin smiled warmly at her, “Well, go on.” Jimin nodded his head at the door.

(Y/N) looked at the plated tag before placing her hand on the knob, opening slowly. She took a deep breath as she looked around in her new office.

A desk placed in the back with a window placed on the right-hand side of the desk and another behind it. A shelf of books and drawers on the left-hand side and a small counter with a coffee maker and microwave. By the windows set two couches and a coffee table, giving off a perfect view of Seoul when relaxing.

(Y/N) smiled as she walked around and turned to Jimin, “This is all mine?” She asked and Jimin nodded, “Yep, and if you want, we can have renovations in here to set it to your liking.” He says as she shook her head, “N-No, that won’t be necessary, it’s perfect the way it is,” She says and looks at him.

“Thank you.” She says, giving him a light side hug shyly and Jimin shrugged, laughing nervously as he ran a hand through his hair out of habit, placing a hand on her shoulder as a way of hugging back.

“No problem. I just kinda came up with the idea of giving you an office to yourself. Every one of us has one, so might as well give you one too, especially because you’re the one who will be planning our missions.” Jimin says and takes a seat on the couch. (Y/N) follows and turned to him.

“So this is where I’ll be doing my role, as well as planning this big mission, hm?” Jimin nodded, “Correct.” He says and looked over at her, brushing a stray hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear, seems to be his favourite gesture of affection when it came to (Y/N). (Y/N)’s eyes slightly widen at his sudden gesture. Jimin seemed to be shocked as well and quickly recovered and leaned back on the couch smoothly.

“A-Anyway…” He stammered, “Valentine’s Day is coming up soon,“ He started, looking at her with a nervous look, "I don’t think we have any other plans for that night so…” He trailed off as (Y/N) felt her breath hitch for a moment, knowing where this was going.

“I was thinking that we can go into the city and eat dinner ourselves,” Jimin says, a shy smile present on his face with pink cheeks. (Y/N) felt her lips twitch up a bit, her entire body heating up. “Just us—?”

Jimin nodded, “Mhm, just us two. I made a reservation for two at the finest restaurant in all of Seoul.” Jimin says quickly with a shy smile.

“So, you up for it?” He asked with a charming smile. Jimin felt his adrenaline running fast, clearly nervous yet excited about the plan for the loving holiday.

(Y/N) thought about it as she didn’t have much of a choice. Jimin had already made reservations at the restaurant as she just couldn’t say no to him, he has done so much for her for the past month and she couldn’t be more thankful for him.

Not only that, it didn’t matter to (Y/N) if she had no other choice, she truly wanted to go out with Jimin more than anything. She found Jimin as the most trusting, generous and kind person she has ever met and wanted to continue to show him her gratefulness.

She nodded eagerly, smiling up at him quite widely and shyly, “I would love to, Jimin,” She says and scoots a bit closer to him, “Of course I’ll come!” She breaks into a grin, showing off her pearly whites and her sweet smile. Jimin felt his stomach twist in knots as his lips twitched upwards at (Y/N)’s adorable expression.

Jimin grinned, smiling widely as he leaned in closer to her face, “Great, Valentine’s Day it is, just us two.” He says and (Y/N) nodded, a warm smile present on her face.

“Just us two.”

~/~

After asking (Y/N) about the whole dinner, Namjoon called Jimin out of the room, telling him that he had work to do. (Y/N), however, took her time to look around her office once more. She truly loved the feeling it gave her, an almost comfy feeling as if she was at home. Home, She thought, thinking about her mother and then to Bangtan.

She shook her head at the thought before setting down on her office chair, noticing a MacBook displayed in the centre of the desk. She smiled, noticing it looked much like Jimin’s, except it was a new one. She opened it, seeing that Yoongi must’ve set it up for her.

“Wow…” She whispered in amazement, feeling its smooth surface.

“Maybe I should start planning.” She mumbled to herself before doing a little research, finding a file that Yoongi included in her laptop, having her free to use if it helped with planning the big mission.

After a few minutes that turned into hours, (Y/N) wrote down numerous things such as locations and people that may or may not connect to either Banjo or Mr Han, giving her a better chance into getting her hands on that one disc.

She then came across a photo of a man, a photo taken with Mr Han. The two were smiling, hands clasped together. (Y/N) tilted her head slightly, analyzing the photo. There was a handwritten note on the side, Mr Han, Weis Minjae, 2012, it read. She hummed in curiosity as scrolled through more photos, seeing that this Weis Minjae appeared in more photos the farther she went through the file. He was a rather middle-aged looking man, just like Mr Han. There was also another man shown in the picture, however, there was no name. (Y/N) bit her lip, writing down about his appearance, thinking that it may be useful for later use.

She then came across a photo with Weis Minjae with Mr Han pointing at the man with a gun, almost looking like he was threatening him.

Widening her eyes, her curiosity grew more until her office door opened, revealing Jungkook. The two youngest members send each other smiles, “What’s up Gukkie?” (Y/N) asked and Jungkook walked over to where she sat, sitting down on one of the chairs placed in front of her desk.

“We’re going to some party tonight for some business shit.” Jungkook shrugged as (Y/N) hummed with a nod, “Oh okay, are we all going?” She asked as Jungkook nodded, “Yeah, so Jin hyung sent me here to tell you. Apparently, we have to wear something fancy.” Jungkook grumbled, leaning back in the chair, looking around, “You’re office is nice.” He says quietly as (Y/N) thanked him before turning her laptop towards him, pointing at the Weis Minjae man, “Do you recognize this man? Or this one?” She asked, pointing at the two men as Jungkook leaned forward, examining the photo before shaking his head.

“Nuh uh, why, do you know him?” He asked as (Y/N) sighed, shaking her head, “N-No I don’t… Although, I feel like he can be a part of all this if you know what I mean…” She trailed off, looking at the photo before looking at Jungkook. Jungkook gave her a soft look, “Well, don’t worry noona, we’ll get through this. Maybe Namjoon or Yoongi hyung has an idea about him, who knows? It doesn’t hurt to ask.” Jungkook smiled, causing (Y/N)’s expression to break into a small smile as well, agreeing with him.

“Yeah, you’re right, I should.” She says as Jungkook examined the photo once more, furrowing his brow, “Wait…” He mumbled, “I know that guy.” He says, referring to the unknown man in the photo.

(Y/N) stood up, “You do?” She questioned as Jungkook nodded, getting up as well, “Y-Yeah… He’s a technician,” He says, “He used to work for GOT7 before they cut ties with him.” Jungkook scratched the back of his neck, “Do you know why they stopped working with him?"

"He started working for that Han guy.”

Jungkook sighed, “And you never know, may he has some connections with that Weis guy too.” (Y/N) looked down at the photo before sighing, closing the screen. “I suppose that’s true,” She says before bringing her laptop into her arms, “Thank you anyway, Gukkie.”

“No problem.” He says as they both start to walk out of her office, “We should get going. Jin hyung wants us all to get ready early so we can leave early.” Jungkook scoffed before grinning, “But knowing Jin hyung, he likes to go into parties late just so everyone catches a glimpse of him once he enters the doors.” Saying this left (Y/N) in giggles.

~/~

(THIS IS SO BORING I KNOW OH GOGOGOG)

While Jimin took a shower, (Y/N) took her time to put on her makeup. If she was being honest, it was her first time applying makeup on but after watching a few tutorials, she was able to pull through the struggle amazingly. After applying matte lipstick, a pretty rosy oak colour, she took one good look at herself, softly smiling at her appearance. She ran a hand through her hair which was now curled.

She unplugged her phone from its charger, sliding the device in her purse before walking over to the dress that was laid out on her shared bed. It fitted their theme for tonight, just simple black. It was a pretty black midi dress that was designed to be seen as a long sleeve, an asymmetric dress that had ruched sides from the waist down. Simple but pretty, She thought before stripping off the clothes she was wearing and quickly slipped on the dress before Jimin or any of the other members could walk in.

Just after slipping on the dress, the washroom door opens. Jimin walked out of the steamy room, wrapping a towel around his neck, dabbing his face with it. Once he notices (Y/N), who was sitting on their bed, his lips curve into a small smile, “(Y/N).”

The small girl looked up, flicking her eyes over to Jimin, “Hey, Jimin.” She says, placing her hands on her lap, “How was your shower?” She asked, slightly cringing at herself as to why she would ask that. “Good,” He says, “To be honest, I thought I would be the first to get ready but here you are, looking like God’s gift from heaven.”

(Y/N)’s breath hitched which led up to her lightly coughing, feeling all the oxygen in her body leave, “W-What did you just say?”

Jimin, clearly unfazed by her question, walked over to his dresser, grabbing his favourite cologne in hands, spritzing a bit on high points. (Y/N) watched Jimin, seeing that he wore a dark grey long sleeve under a black blazer along with black slacks. Jimin then quickly walked over to his closet, grabbing black dress shoes before walking over to their bed, taking a seat as he slipped them on. Seeing that he started to put his shoes on, (Y/N) slipped on her four-inch heels.

Once Jimin was done, he got up, “Shall we go?” He asked and (Y/N) nodded, “Y-Yeah, I’m ready.” She says as Jimin helped her out of the bed, (Y/N) slightly wobbling but she managed. She stood up in front of him as Jimin scanned her hair, to her face, and to her body that fits perfectly in her dress, “Damn, (Y/N),” He quietly groaned, his hand on her waist never leaving, “So fucking beautiful.” He says, leaning down and closer to her face. (Y/N) lightly gasped at how fast he leaned in, her lips parted slightly.

(Y/N) takes a shaky breath, replaying Jimin’s words over and over in her head. Although it’s only been a bit over a month since (Y/N) has known and lived with Bangtan, it only took her about a week since she has realized that she may caught feelings for the man in front of her. Although she was new to this, she couldn’t help but not deny these feelings.

Who was she kidding, she liked him. He was caring, bold, undeniably adorable and so much more to her. The way he challenges her and others through his words and actions to the way he truly showed how much he cared for her, she loved every single bit.

And with Jimin complimenting her like this, she couldn’t help but feel weak in the knees, not wanting to feel or look vulnerable in front of his eyes.

Jimin licked his lips, staring into her eyes and (Y/N) did the same, blushing deeply when their noses meet. “I want to remember you like this.” He whispered as (Y/N) let out a sigh, “Y-You don’t mean that…” She mumbled shyly, looking away with an awkward smile. Jimin clenched his jaw, his brows slightly furrowed as he brought her chin into his fingers, “What makes you think I don’t?”

Before (Y/N) could answer, their bedroom door opened. Jimin let out a sigh, giving (Y/N) a soft smile before gently letting go of her chin, his hand leaving her waist. (Y/N) gave out a shy smile before looking over at who came in, seeing Hoseok and Taehyung.

Hoseok was smirking whereas Taehyung had his mouth slightly gaped before closing his mouth. The two were both wearing something similar to Jimin’s. Taehyung had his silver hair slightly wavy, almost a messy look yet very fresh looking with his ears flickering every now and then under his headband. With Hoseok, his blonde hair middle-parted, revealing his glorious forehead. For a cyborg, he was handsome as hell.

But here they were, staring at (Y/N) and Jimin with shocked yet teasing expressions, “Ready to go?” Hoseok asked as (Y/N) nodded, “Yes, we are.” She says, looking at Jimin, who was only looking at her. Jimin nodded, “Yeah, let’s go.” He says as (Y/N) nodded, walking out the door with Hoseok.

Jimin watched (Y/N)’s figure as she walked out, sighing as he wished the two boys weren’t there to ruin the moment. Taehyung then walked up to him, a smirk already present on his face. “The tension in here is fucking intense. I feel it.” He says and Jimin hummed in annoyance, already knowing what was bound to happen with Taehyung’s constant teasing.

“Let’s go.” Is all Jimin says as Taehyung giggled, skipping out of the door with Jimin.

“Wow, (Y/N), you look absolutely beautiful.” Namjoon smiled at her as she reached the bottom of the stairs. “Thank you.” She says with a smile as Jin agreed before looking at the rest of his members, “Aren’t I beautiful too, boys?” He asked as none of the answered. Jin scoffed, “What kind of children did I raise…” Jin muttered to himself as he motioned all of them to follow him.

“Our limousine is waiting out there for us,” Yoongi says as they all walk towards the front door.

(Y/N) had to admit, every one of the members looked incredibly handsome tonight, especially with the dark clothes that they wore that went well with their neatly styled hair.

The eight climbed into the vehicle as (Y/N) plopped down between Yoongi and Jimin. “Who’s party are we attending?” Jimin asked and Jin hummed, “GOT7’s.” He answers and (Y/N) tilted her head, “I’m sure you’ll meet them tonight, (Y/N).” Yoongi says, “They’re really good people.” Namjoon nodded, “Yes, they really are as we will be attending a business meeting as the rest of you are partying.” He chuckled.

“Business about what?” Jungkook asked, “We’re asking them if they’re willing to take part of (Y/N)’s big mission.”

(Y/N) felt her lips curve into a smile, “Really?” She asked and Hoseok nodded, “Yes, they already knew about your situation even before we met you.” Namjoon then looked at (Y/N), “Once I mentioned about the mission, they immediately accepted. They found you a very interesting person and they can’t wait to meet you tonight.”

“I wonder how Jackson and BamBam are going to react when they see (Y/N),” Taehyung says with a giggle. Jimin sighed, “Oh fuck, once Jackson’s eyes land on (Y/N),” Jungkook says and Jimin grumbled, “I mean, who wouldn’t though.” Taehyung says. Before Jimin could playfully glare at Taehyung, (Y/N) gasps quietly in awe, looking out the window.

The mansion’s exterior was absolutely beautiful. (Y/N) thought that there must be amazing views in each room. “Wow…” (Y/N) says in awe, “This home looks like it was built inspired by monuments.” She says, causing for the boys chuckle at her. There were fountains, gardens, and so much more.

The vehicle stopped right where the entrance was. Jimin got out quickly, having his hand out, reaching for (Y/N). She grabbed his hand, thanking him as she carefully got out of the care with Jimin’s help. Jimin gave her a soft look as they both walked up the front stairs.

There were two guards standing by the entrance as one of them held out their hands, “Invitations?” He asked as Namjoon nodded, handing him eight tickets as the guard looked at every one of them before handing it back to Namjoon, “Go right on ahead.” He says.

Namjoon led them as they all entered the GOT7 residence. Although the party had just started, there were many people already. However, inside was beautiful as it was outside. It amazed her as the foyer was lit brightly with the gigantic diamond chandelier that was centred between the two grand staircases. The room across the foyer was slightly dimmed, lights flashing like some sort of sophisticated club along with an open bar.

“A dance floor?” Jungkook asked excitedly as Taehyung jumped, “Alcohol! Let’s go Kookie!” And with that, the two young boys left the group, leaving the rest chuckling with their behaviour. “Well, Jin and Yoongi hyung and I will be attending the business meeting now. Go on and fun you guys.” Namjoon says with a smile, mainly looking at (Y/N). “Make some friends, okay, (Y/N)?” Jin says as they walk away.

Hoseok chuckled before placing a hand on Jimin's shoulder, “I’ll be in the billiard room, Minhyuk and Jooheon are meeting me there. Let loose guys~!” And with that, Hoseok left without giving (Y/N) a chance to talk. (Y/N) smiled sheepishly, looking around as she spotted Jimin, who was simply smirking at her. “Wanna have a drink?” He asked as (Y/N) hesitated before nodding, “S-Sure!” Although (Y/N) hasn’t tasted alcohol once in her life, she was excited to taste her first drink, especially by sharing the moment with Jimin

Walking into the dance room, there were many men and women either talking, dancing, drinking, or doing all three. (Y/N) watched with curiosity, watching a group of women take down shots like a piece of cake, it truly amazed her. The two made their way to the bar as Jimin swiftly asked for to drinks from the bartender before turning to (Y/N).

Although the lights in the room we pretty dim, Jimin could see every one of (Y/N)’s features as clearly as he could in the daylight. He noticed the way that some parts of her hair seemed to shine in the soft illumination from the bar light as he observed with interest, a quickening feeling sensation in his chest at the way she smiled so brightly and sweetly that the corners of his own lips automatically curve upward at the sight of her dimples.

“You’re beautiful,” He blurted out. (Y/N) blinked several times as she lightly gasped for air, shocked at his words once again. She cleared her throat, “T-Thank you.” She says the bartender finally materializes their drink.

Jimin hands her the shot of whiskey as he had a shot of his own. “This is your first time tasting alcohol, right?” He asked as (Y/N) nodded excitedly, “Yeah, it is. Will it taste bad?” She asked and Jimin chuckled, “That’s for you to judge.” He says before clinking his glass with hers, “To your first shot.” He says before connecting the glass shot to his lips, quickly downing the shot within seconds.

(Y/N) watched him, tilting the glass over her lips, drinking it until the last drop. She set the small glass on the counter rather roughly as Jimin watched her every move at her expression. He laughed at (Y/N)’s disgusted expression, “How was it?” He asked, a few laughs coming out every now and then. (Y/N) let out little grumbles before weakly smiling at him, “I-I-It… Was okay… Kinda worse than I thought to be honest.” She sighed as a wave of dizziness washed over her.

Suddenly, the DJ at the front of the room started to spin to another tune, slower this time than the other upbeat songs. He taps on the mic, “Let’s take this slow.” He says as most people started to pair up, dancing slowly to the music, “This is all for the lovebirds. Enjoy everyone~”

(Y/N) watched everyone sway softly to the music, pretty surprised at how fast everyone transitioned to the music. She then turned to Jimin who was looking quite uncertain as he leaned closer, looking as if he wasn’t sure about something.

“Hey.” He mumbled, “Hey…?” She says but sounding more like a question, a bit uncertain with Jimin’s expression. She stepped back but he moves closer.

“(Y/N)… Dance with me,” He says with an unreadable expression on his face.

She stared at him dumbfoundedly, fiddling with her fingers, “Dance? I-I’ve never danced before so I’m not really good at this sort of thing…” She says, clearly embarrassed. Jimin shook his head, “Well, that’s not stopping me from wanting to dance with you still.” He says, making a bold move as he held her hand softly.

“And besides, I used to dance when I was younger,” He says, looking away embarrassingly before looking back at her, “I can teach you.” He says. (Y/N) was in awe, “Really? You mean it? You really want to dance with me?” She asked and he nodded his head eagerly yet smoothly, “Yeah.” He says softly before dragging her to the dance floor, his hand still holding hers.

The two navigate their way through the dancing people until Jimin found an empty spot.

Jimin slowly closes the remaining distance between them, placing his hands on her hips, (Y/N) lightly twitching at the contact. “Now, you put your arms around my neck.” He instructed, smiling warmly as she does exactly what he says. Once she placed warms around his neck, he inhaled deeply at the contact. However, this only made Jimin move closer, pressing his body against hers as they sway to the slow and steady rhythm. (Y/N) couldn’t tear her eyes away from him as he stared into her eyes.

(Y/N) was mesmerized just from his eyes alone as he beckoned her to stay with him. He leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers, truly an affectionate gesture that (Y/N) wished to capture forever.

(Y/N) held in a breath as Jimin suddenly buries his nose in the crook of her neck, causing for (Y/N) lose her breath once more at the contact. Noticing that she wasn’t doing much, she placed a hand on his cheek, smiling softly as she laid her head on his, her cheek meeting contact with his.

“J-Jimin,” She breathes, almost sounding like a mixture of a moan and a whimper. “(Y/N),” Jimin murmured, inhaling her aroma, peaches and chocolate.

“You have no idea what you do to me,” Jimin says truthfully. (Y/N) didn’t, not knowing that Jimin was lost with her and did not ever want to get out of the beautiful madness. (Y/N) hummed in acknowledgement, “And you have no idea how you make me feel…” She mumbled.

If (Y/N) was being honest, the only thing holding her back was about her whole situation, from Mr Han to Banjo, the lab to the big mission. Although (Y/N) was going to try her best, as well with the other members, she couldn’t help but have that one thought, thinking that this plan wasn’t going to work. And once this mission happens, she wouldn’t know if she would make it out with Bangtan or with Mr Han in the end.

Sensing that (Y/N) was being overwhelmed with emotions, Jimin slides his arm around her waist, pulling her closer as he pressed his forehead against hers once more. “Hey,” He says in a soft tone, “It’ll be okay, we’ll make sure that everything will go alright, and I’ll be damn sure that they do. And believe me when I say this, but I will pay for what he did to you and your mother.” He promised.

“I-I know,” She sighed, “And I will make sure your first is the last thing Banjo sees.” She says and Jimin chuckled at slightly dark humour.

And I’ll make sure that you’ll be standing by my side, no matter what.

WELL DAMN. so much tension in this, i rlly dont know it just kinda came out & i rlly felt like i had to be rlly descriptive about their feelings more so ye, here it is, i hoped yall enjoyed it although it was pretty boring omg i was cringing but itll all be worth in the end

and what i mean by worth it in the end, i mean like uuuuuuh there are some um foreshadow (?) or like hints for future chapters ?!?!

okay im done, LOL its 3 in the morning, i was playing superstar bts all day rather than typing this up omg

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snoedigest · 3 years

Text

Life is strange

Not like the game, but life is strange. If you are someone strange.

I wake up in the morning telling myself “Everyday is the fucking same.” On the way to work I have so much bursting out of my chest of things I could be doing. Art, music, and plans for the general wellbeing of our world.

A part of my heart truly believes we can work on mental health and minimize it if we could just change the world a little for people like me. The only options are a dead end job, depression, or an early grave. Self worth is important, and its something inside your soul, but you can’t get that out, because life puts you on this track that you can’t break free from. You need to make money, you need to survive. The caveat is that this world is built for a specific type of person, creative minds have a “rebellious” nature if you will. Not in the sense of im going to fuck everything up, but in the sense of I want to take matters into my own hands and not feel worthless due to a job that just wants me to do the same cycle over and over again. I just need to break free, and I dont know how. My heart beats on a different beat, a different metronome. Its not something I would change ever. Im uniquely me, and I need to break this cycle so I can show everyone what exactly im capable of. If I did, things would be better, magic would happen. I want to give back, but im so tired.

Chronic exhaustion is my biggest enemy, when im finished with my day I’m worthless. I can’t even think about doing things im passionate about and just smoke myself to sleep. Daily. The weekends are spent trying to mentally catch up so I can prepare for the upcoming week and to decompress from the previous week. I feel like a terrible wife, I can’t clean, intimacy is a bitch when you are tired, no matter how bad you want it. Then you self harm and you are to scared to tell anyone, so it sets you back a little more.

Titles and jobs are what make you important to other people, its your first impression. When you are nearly 30 and you say you work as an assistant or Starbucks, you appear as dumb and incompintant. Im too afraid to leave because the first impression I give people with my title is “She’s smart” I am, but if you have a different career choice, they think otherwise. Even though deep down I know the stress would be less intense…maybe. I am my own worst critic anyways. I would most likely just find another way to beat myself to shit and carry work home with me. With art and any previous projects ive done in my life outside of work, I never once felt that. I felt a fire and excitement. My dream would be to change the world, helping people, and protecting our world. Instead im stuck, unable to do a damn thing that feels meaning full. I am by no means a lazy worker, I work hard, very hard. Im one of the best on my team. No one sees that though if you have a “generic” job.

I would love to do things that make me feel beautiful and unique, but thats not “allowed” in the nearly 30 club or careers. Something as simple as waking up in the morning and seeing my big brown eyes peering from vivid and soft pink hair would give my heart a boost that im cute, and I got this. Having a tattoo that reminded me to keep going in a place where I could see if would be perfect and help me move on, because to me, I never see hope. I use to color my hair and cover it with a wig, suddenly gossip appeared around me even with my head down low, I felt embarrassed and covered up my sailor moon yellow hair that made me feel like a magical girl. I cried putting a generic color over it. Another part of my soul died, again. I try to blend in and conform with everyone else now, it got my noticed for a 10 percent raise, and a potential promotion, but is it really worth it? To some, yes. To me, I need to feel like me. On the inside I dont know who I am and Its a war zone in my head. Who am I? This isn’t me. I dont spend money getting my hair done anymore, if I did I wouldn’t know what to ask, so I would just sit in the chair and tell them to make me blend in with the rest of society. I can’t do that, the more I blend in, the more my heart bleeds.

I feel the urge to fall in love, but with no one else besides myself. Its just not possible. Instead I take the the difficulties out on myself. Today I went to the bathroom and cut my legs enough time for my mind to relax and feel level again. Im not sure if its pathetic for a almost 30 year old person to do something I started as a teenager, but now im relaxed enough to kind of share my feelings. It took me 20 times to feel level headed. They are never too deep, but I try to hide them because im embarrassed. I know it hurts other people when they see it, thats never my intention. Its just that I need help. This is my unhealthy coping skill. I suppose its better then doing Meth though? My regret is its almost time for a festival, everyone will most likely see them, even my beloved friends I haven’t seen in a long time.

I dont know how to explain what goes on in my head because bipolar has a stigma, and its not really consistent. For me I have deep lows, never really any highs. I miss feeling happy. God I miss feeling happy. Whats that like? Can I close my eyes and try and think about it? It doesn’t work. I just wish I could stop having manic lows. Because dear god, it hurts. Im scared its going to get the best of me.

#writing #sad thoughts #bipolor

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cheekbites-moved · 6 years

Text

ok so i watched love simon for the first time last night & i was too tired to make a ‘final thoughts’ post then, so here it is now! lol

obviously this is gonna be long as hell so im putting it under a read more for ur convenience lmfao

im actually gonna start with what i didnt like bc it was just one thing.

obviously, if uve seen the movie (as many ppl hated this too), or read my liveblogging posts, u know what it is lol

ill be honest, as a gay person, im incredibly biased towards simon. ill admit that. that being said, how his friends treated him after he got outed was fucking disgusting.

here’s the thing: the actions simon did that his friends got upset over were motivated by the threat of him being outed. now, if this movie was just some fluffy, fantastical movie, the threat would just be ppl knowing he’s gay and that’s it. no repercussions, just ppl gaining the knowledge that he’s not straight. not that big a deal.

however, since this movie tries its best to be accurate and realistic to things, it’s not that simple in the movie, and it’s not the simple in real life.

the risk of being outed is not just ‘ppl knowing ur gay’ and that’s it.

the risk of being outed involves the risk of getting bullied (which does happen in the movie, twice. once to ethan on screen, once to simon after he comes out.), getting abandoned by ur friends (which also does happen in the movie), getting expelled from school or fired from ur job if either of them find out & are lgbtphobic, getting kicked out of ur house if ur parents/whoever u live w find out & theyre lgbtphobic, and, at worst, it can come with the risk of getting beaten or even killed.

and no, this isnt me blowing this up to be more serious than it should be. bc unfortunately, in the world we live in, these things can happen as a result of someone being lgbt, whether they came out themselves or were outed by someone else.

the worst thing simon did was hurt his friends’ feelings a bit.

he didnt notice leah’s feelings for him (which. why would he? he’s not interested in her, or any girl for that matter, so obviously he’s not looking for the signs of interest. why would he notice that, and why was it his responsibility to know anyway??). he tried to set nick up with her because he genuinely thought she had feelings for nick, and that’s the main reason why he didn’t realize that she liked him.

yes, part of the motive was trying to get nick out the way so he could set abby up with martin, but ffs. let me reiterate that his life, and potential future, were on the line. having the possibility of all the aforementioned things potentially happening to him should make his actions at least understandable.

like falling for someone that doesnt like u back bc theyre not attracted to ur gender (which like.. hello. gay ppl fucking experience that shit all the time too & we have to learn to deal w it.), or being put in a game of matchmaker bc ur friend was trying to save their own fucking life is rly not that big a deal compared to said friend’s situation of trying to save their own fucking life.

one situation hurts, but can eventually be healed from (which clearly they do in the movie since abby and nick got together anyway in spite of simon’s actions, and leah’s fine). the other situation has the chance of resulting in a fucking future/life being ruined or taken. i think that one is much more fucking important.

all in all, i just wish they wouldve fucking apologized. bc they screamed at him after he got outed.

abby saw how fucking terrified he was when he came out to her, but she’s not gonna have a single ounce of sympathy when he was outed to the entire school against his will?? like what the fuck!

also wish they wouldve stood up for him when he got bullied. they just sat there with guilty expressions, but none of them did anything. it was really rough to watch.

as much as all this seriously pissed me off, though, especially as a person who has been outed against my will so all of simon’s heartache as a result rly resonated with me..

i appreciate that they put that shit in.

bc u know what unfortunately that is how cishet ppl react sometimes. guilting u for being lgbt, guilting u for not coming out to them despite knowing how scary it can be, etc etc etc.

and getting apologizes from cishet ppl for that kinda shit is rare. so, as much as i was annoyed that they didnt apologize, that is unfortunately realistic. as much as i wish they wouldve stood up for him, that was also unfortunately realistic. so im still glad it’s in there even if it did piss me off.

simon’s speech to martin was nice at least, and i hope that it taught some cishet ppl that have outed ppl, or threatened to out ppl, or wanted to out ppl, why u just dont fucking do that shit.

woo now that that’s outta my system lmfao onto all the good stuff! in bullet list form bc theres a l o t lmfao

the soundtrack ESP for the emotional moments wOw

‘i wanna dance with somebody’ gay musical addition

simon’s subtle annoyed looks whenever straight nonsense™ happens

simon’s terrible attempts at being straight

simon’s extremely subtle, but still noticeable if ur lgbt, panic whenever the potential chance of him being outed/discovered arises

the dog

simon’s parents’ speeches to him after he comes out to them

seriously as gay, nb person w lgbtphobic parents that shit meant a lot to hear.

the fact that this is not only a mainstream lgbt rom-com, but also a mainstream movie abt a gay kid learning to love himself and be confident with himself and his sexuality

simon’s journey to being able to proudly proclaim that he’s gay.

the speech he has near the end is so fucking powerful bc we see him struggle throughout the movie to say it.

first he cant say it at all, then he can only say it quietly, but by the end of the movie, he’s proclaiming to the entire school, loud and proud, that yes. he is gay. and he’s not going to feel wrong for that anymore.

i feel like that entire journey is one that can really resonate with a lot of ppl, including myself. so im so fucking happy that this movie included that progression, and ended it with him having such an exuberant amount of confidence. it was honestly really beautiful, and im glad i got to witness it.

simon practicing pickup lines in the mirror

“hey barack its me jacques”

abby trying to teach simon how to flirt

simon googling “how to dress like a gay guy”

simon not having martin’s bullshit and telling him off for how fucked up blackmailing him was from the start, but especially his speech about how important/personal coming out is to ppl and how shitty it was that he took that away from him

MRS ALBRIGHT IN GENERAL BUT ESPECIALLY HER ICONICALLY STICKING UP FOR SIMON IN THE CAFETERIA I STAN HER SO HARD!!

ethan in general, but especially his speech to simon in the office, and super especially the line “one gay’s a snnooze, two’s a hilarious hate crime”

like i seriously appreciate how real this movie is. and it doesnt have lines like this, or plots like the blackmailing/outing just for drama.

it’s to show that this is how being lgbt can be sometimes, this shit rly happens. and i just rly appreciated seeing all that in a way that didnt even try to pull any punches. it was so clear they seriously cared abt making this an accurate movie, and that meant a lot

GETTING TO SEE TWO BOYS KISSING ON SCREEN MULTIPLE TIMES, AND NOT JUST THAT, BUT GETTING TO SEE THEM GET A HAPPY ENDING!!!!!

i seriously cried for like 20 minutes starting from when bram showed up at the ferris wheel to well after the credits had ended.

i cannot even begin to express how fucking incredible it was to get to see two boys kissing, getting cheered on, and getting to be happy.

especially in the scene where simon picks up everyone, and leah moves so bram can get in the front seat and he kisses simon when he gets in. IT WAS SO SWEET.. AND BEAUTIFUL I LOVED/APPRECIATED IT SO MUCH IT MEANT SOOOO FUCKING MUCH TO ME GOSH

my thoughts of the movie can be boiled down to this: im so fucking happy this movie exists.

im so fucking happy that a movie abt a gay kid learning to be confident in his sexuality, falling in love and getting to have a happy ending with his boyfriend exists.

ive never cried more at a movie than i did at this movie, and ive especially never cried harder out of sheer happiness for a movie.

knowing that this movie was in theaters, and that gay kids/teens have a movie that lets them know early on that not only is gonna be ok, but they do have a chance at a happy ending, and they deserve it, was so goddamn amazing.

this movie is so, so important. and im so happy that it, and the book its based off of, exist.

and it’s a prime example of why representation matters so much. it was so fucking amazing to see myself, as a gay person, represented so well, so thoughtfully, so respectfully.

i just... i love this movie so much. and im so glad it exists. and im so happy i finally got to see it.

i hope it inspires more movies/stories like it to be made.

i hope that it results in lgbt stories being happy, uplifting stories.

i hope that it results in lgbt characters getting to be the main characters.

i hope it results in coming out stories being about the lgbt characters, and not how them coming out affects the cishet characters around them.

and i hope it results in less tragic endings for lgbt characters, and more happy endings for lgbt characters.

for a long time, a future where we get the stories just mentioned has seemed bleak. but this movie changed that. and im excited for the road i hope it’s started us on.

#long post//#text heavy//#gotta fight the urge to rewatch it a million times now tbh tktjrkjrtj #potentially new fav movie? or at least fav live action movie #aaa im just. i love!! sm!!! bless...#luna watches love simon #homophobia mention//

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officialdamonalbarn · 8 years

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104

first of all , Jesus christcant believe im bout to answer 104 questions but Hey i might as well

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? i would say: dude wheres my clothes2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? cant think of a clever joke to make about Not having kissed a single soul in my life3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? wey obviously i fuckin would Christ 4. Is your last name longer than six letters? yeah its 8 5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? hmm6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? gmhhh yeah 7. What does your last received text say? “fuck you”8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? i dont know , many times i hope9. Where was your last kiss at? somewhere nice i hope10. When is the last time you saw your sister? like 30 seconds ago shes brushing her teeth in the bathroom11. What do you drink in the morning? water and green tea always12. Where did you sleep last night? in my Ikea bed ..edgy question though13. Do you think relationships are hard? sometimes14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? yes15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? no as a matter of fact the problem is There is no one in the room its so lonely God16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? what kind of fuckin numpty would RATHER it be rainy?17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Im sure i do18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? sweatPants19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? yeah i do or otherwise..Sad20. Does anyone like you? i dont know i sure hope so21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? No22. Is the last person you kissed gay? who is this Last Person I Kissed? i dont know them ive never even seen them quit asking me about them23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? yes. Yes24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? yeah But i dont care25. In the past week have you cried? yeah but only cause i was Gettin a hard time off Some Bullshit26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Hes a bordercollie.. My Boy27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? in there28. Have you ever kissed a football player? No.29. Do you think you’re old? i’ll think im old when im 70.30. Do you like text messaging? tell u the truth yes i do i like it a lot31. What type of day are you having? sort of good32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? i have but i decided never to do that33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? cold as long as it isnt I-Cant-Move-My-Fingers cold34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? of course!!!!!35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? relationship36. Are you a simple or complicated person? I’ll tell you later when i find out37. What song are you listening to? my ma & sister talking and its Not up there w the favourites I must say38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? more often than not39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? no.40. What made you start liking the person you like now? i dont think u can really answer something like that cause sometimes you just like someone and there needs to be no one good reason for liking them you just do41. When did you last receive a text message? hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now? hmm dont open that door43. How well do you know the last female you texted? not too well but i like her44. Does anyone disgust you? yeah45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? well not just anyone !! but someone if i liked them then i guess46. Are you in a good mood right now? yeah i am47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? mawmaw48. What color shirt are you wearing? black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? absolutely50. Anyone you’re giving up on? yeah51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? no!!52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? yeah53. Do you like rain? if i dont have to stand in it then yes54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? naw i wouldnt mind55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? yeah a lot of times. i nearly never ever tell someone if i like them56. Do you like to cuddle? of course57. Are you shy? i dont know. sometimes58. Do you get along with girls? yeah59. Have you dated the person you texted last? no rip60. What do you carry with you at all times? my phone61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? supposed haunted house Absolutely. A real one (assuming they exist dhdhd) i dont think i could, not alone62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? I hope 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? no64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? if that happened. i would suffer from cardiac arrest65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? i dont recall Im sorry dnjdjd66. How old are the last three people you kissed? boo67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? do them myself68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? i hate both but i pick zebra print because i absolutely cant stand leopard print, not on clothes. its so Fuckinf ugly no offence to leopards69. Do you have any stickers on your car? i dont…Have a car70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? would i rather Fucking what?71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? god. iphone72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? in london with my good friends that im no longer friends with rip Brothers in arms i stilll love Yiou lads good ol memories 73. Do you like diet soda? no i wont poison my body w that shite. Diet sodas are just chemicals74. What color are the walls in your room? one of them is brown and the rest are white75. Are you 16 or older? im 1676. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? no? obviously a fucking do not?77. Do you have a job? no :(78. What are your initials? V. K. H. 79. Did you ever have braces? no my teeth have always been fuckin Perfect no joke80. Are you from the south? no im from the very very north from a global perspective like, but Im from the south of my country81. What does your last status on facebook say? no idea i ditched fb a long time ago82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? i dont think ive talked to them Yet 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? ah i dont know84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? no im not about tht shit85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? answered already it was trainspotting86. Do you smoke? No87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? heels88. Is your phone touch screen? yeah what is this, 2007?89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? straigth90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? yeah dhdhd91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Pool92. Have you ever made out in a car? no93. …Had sex in a car? i can assure you i have not94. Are you single or in a relationship? single 95. What were you doing last night at midnight? i can Say with great pride that i was probably sleeping 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? new years eve97. Do you like the camera on your phone? yea 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? no 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? hmm No100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? sure but isnt everyone 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? a what? No102. Name your favorite Kesha song: name my favourite kesha song? name my favourite kesha song?103. Do you have any tan lines right now? No104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? answered already

#CHRIST i cant believe i Did all these f #WHO CARES

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amuelle · 5 years

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It’s a thing!!!

My biggest mistake: I didn’t make a big deal about it. I was so consumed with my own stuff. My finances, planning trips and figuring out my life that I thought February is a really awkward time to have any expectations. Honestly no one has money in Feb. My birthday is in May and that is the priority. Birthdays are big deals. I was wrong. VERY WRONG…

WEDNESDAY…

I was texting The Sage and he asked me if I was ready for Friday. Friday? Bruhhh, Im not Ice Cube why would Friday be a big deal? His reply was simple to the point and reminded me that deep down in my heart I’m a woman who still wants a romantic gesture on Valentine’s Day. If you were expecting this to veer off into how I then rationalised it, made it make sense and realised that Valentines, is a holiday created by greeting card companies to boost business and it is just a scam. This is not that! STOP READING, IF THAT’S WHAT YOU CAME FOR!!! I’m feeing for a romantic fix and I don’t know if it’s coming. Partly…okay mainly due to my own inability to just say “Hey, I want some romance’’

As we all know you don’t get what you don’t ask for. Similarly men don’t just know what you want. They aren’t your hairdresser or dressmaker they cant ad lib when it comes to valentines. And you can’t leave it to chance! If there is anything I know from watching countless hours of interviews with addicts on YouTube it’s that in the right environment, any one can get clean. You can get off the heroine, cocaine, fentanyl, weed and stop drinking. However the instant you are back in the wrong situation, triggered, without coping mechanisms you will use again. Maybe not at the moment when you think you will or fresh out of rehab. But if your aren’t ready to acknowledge everyday that you need to cope with out the drug. That itch will sneak up on you. JUST LIKE A FUCKING JUNKIE IM BACK, FEEINING FOR ROMANCE. I lived without it long enough. My arm is itching and I cant think about anything else. I need some romance or I think I will DIE!!!!

THURSDAY…

Stewing in misery: Now feeining…I looked at the two shiny pennies in my bank account and thought “I don’t even have money for wine, why in the world would I be trying to do romantic shit on Valentine ’s Day?” Its simple. Like finding money in a pair of jeans you haven’t worn in a long time. A cup of tea made with love on a rainy day. Or finding the house clean when you left it a mess. Its feels GOOD…just fucking GOOD! It doesn’t have to be outrageous just sincere and it makes the top 10 of the most incredible things you can ever feel in your life.

To make it worse: As if not telling him and over thinking it wasn’t enough out of curiosity during the day I asked him what his waist size was. He told me then asked me what I was planning. I wasn’t planning at that point but now I may have created expectations. WHAT HAD I DONE??!!! What do I do now because at this point I had decided no matter what happened I would be okay. Id keep my pennies and call it a day. But that didn’t feel good in my soul. So I decided to do what feels good in my soul. I don’t care anymore. Its valentine’s day. I want to do a big, medium or small gesture because deep down in my heart I am hoping for reciprocation but its too late to ask or imply that ill be disappointed if I am the only one who shows some effort. I cant ask because Im afraid to be disappointed and to date from day one he hasn’t disappointed so why am I afraid he will? To quote my BFF “Our past experiences change us and make us people waiting to be disappointed. You cant carry someone else’s mistakes like a badge of honour. You have to decide that you are trying and actually try.” I want to try, but what if I get disappointed? What if until today it was all me reading between the lines and seeing what I wanted? What if…what if…what if????

The over thinking and feeining for romance has taken to my brain like wild fire. Sense left my body sometimes in January but now in February I can say for certain it’s gone for good. That said, I have decided. Ill risk it! All I want to do is TRY!!! Its risky and I have no idea if it will work out but who would I be if I wasn’t true to me? Who would I be if I wasn’t secretly overtly hoping that I’m not a hot mess just a woman who met a nice man and wanted to enjoy the experience whole heartedly? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be me.

Ive said it before I have no idea where it could go with this man. What I do know is that I need to always lead with what feels good in my gut and my gut says do the DAMN THING!!!

Decisions…decisions: I was still in purgatory when after a day of texting he randomly called…just to say its been three days since he last heard my voice and that didn’t make him happy. The connection was terrible so the call was cut short. That was a life changing reminder that my soul purpose on earth is to share my uniquely crafted gifts with the world. And now as part of this little patch of earth I claim that is my entire being I had to try. It is 20:56 February 13th and I am writing this and I have decided to try. I have no idea what I am going to do or where I am going to get the money but trust you me….IM GOING TO TRY!

In closing: We have all seen this meme about how you should go where you are wanted. No one ever tells you what to do when you get there. There isn’t a hand book that says when you finally get what you had hoped for this is what you should do to enjoy it. If you are anything like me you will wait for it to decay because you cant believe that things could be that good. Meaning you ultimately cheat yourself out of an experience. I’ve had some rum to calm down and I can say at this point I absolutely believe that when you get to where you are wanted. You pitch a tent and you stay. You will go from a tent, to a shack to the empire you have always wanted to build but you stay and you try. I’ve decided to try and with all the might in my little body I am committed.

Just like you want to know and feel like you are wanted. Someone else wants to hear it too. Tell them the same way you went where you were wanted they are where they are wanted.

Bisou…bisou…

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mynameisnotkarl-blog1 · 5 years

Text

1/2

I see people are coming to me about assumptions lately

Things im hearing seeing would make you think these dudes hate me

its 50/50 so i guess they can split that evenly

Going outside is feeling more like a chore now

thoughts im having would make you think i gone senile

i been so self aware that its hard to be me now

so selfish i don’t even pretend to be me now

THIS SHIT CORNY 🌽🤣😂🤣😈

but this what the pression sounds like on a good day

and i know this shit can get worse like anyday

i know im selfish i didn’t even show up

Im feeling whoozy i think im bout to throw up

running from my problems like dont ask me

i don’t believe that l#%$ is real if you ask me

feelings going in remission

i missed it with it precision

i just couldn’t risk it

(Ive been in that void)(pitched down)

Ive been out that void

and i still cant tell difference

like who making these decisions

I got some good news

you can’t fit these shoes

i got some bad news

i can’t get over ...

it’s been a few years

ok maybe a couple fews

i mean couples views

i wish weren’t different

and the thought of it yeah it really hits

i hit the doc for a script

you don’t know it but you are god-sent

maybe that was a little extra

why do i be so extra

and then i thought about it but i really didn’t think about it lol

Aint nobody going to judge me harder than i do me

last years of high school got me feeling like a zombie

last years of colle got me feeling like i want to harm me

yeah i know i don’t fit in

but this trigger just clicking

“well did you check the safety”

oh yeah that’s my conscious

i say we get along

he barely do me wrong

when i step like iverson

broad day victim going missing the public

don’t go outside cause a niggas mind is sick

oh you getting closer yeah i think i got to dip

oh im getting so sober yeah think it’s time to sip

and when the reason is no reason at all

When i see heaven i just want to ...

But its bugged when you on the other side

or in between

thinking back on it yeah i wasted my teens

opana had my lov i should of got therapy

i had these tears all froze in my face

i had these feelings all put away

this shit lame and wack

you need to grow up👿👺

Maybe you can turn this shit all around

you didn’t mind being the clown

Thinking their laughter is more important than the pain that you’re feeling now

Goal #1 look in the mirror more

#2 try more

yeah wish it was that simple

but simple how im feeling lately

looking in the mirror thinking why that guy hates me

hate i know it can be a strong word

so excuse me for my ignorance

I seem to lack for a better word or world

and it all seems the same

like how every song sounds sad and it’s starting to become lame

imagine putting your all into a track just for anthony to call your shit lame🤣😂🤣 i guess you got to start somewhere

i got so bored i was going to put %£$ name in the google search bar and face my worst nightmares and see if i can handle it or not

ive made myself an object of a pointless concept

no strong purpose

i think it’s funny how their is always someone who will take the news of your death with laughter and it will be a genuine laugh

told my $&@#%£* marriage is a cool concept n all but really dude

btw im the last person you should be taking advice from

compliment

read n tak a hint

ask &@$ if &@$ wants to get use to just touching each other

is this a relationship

can it be this simple

sometimes i realize how sad i am

and how pathetic i look and sound

do people get mad at you when you’re this pathetic

am i pushing it if i say im average

i wonder if my ancestors went through something like this

i feel like the future can be bright but no time is better than it is now

i wonder if $@&#%€ thinks about me

i wonder if i made anyone cry

i used to think about 9/11 daily

but then $&@ came along then

it was $&@ every other second

the adderall help but the isolation did not

i think about how i thrived in my world

but in your world i could not

i once thought about how i could just be being dramatic

like how im concerned if “just be being dramatic” is grammatically correct or incorrect or if i should just know that either way it’s not the first time nor the last (even this is a edit)

first time I seen the &@“$& i was scared to death

the second time i seen the &@“$& i was at peace

ive🔒 a note with all my thoughts and now i dont know my thoughts

you ever get so conscious of your walking you feel like every step you can trip

i want to make a song named “I stay strapped in Prague”

i found my 👇

thoughts

1. they was close now they talk behind my back

2. are they friends or are they just using me

3. most of the whispers are about me

4. why do i want people to like me

5. i see dark objects that are not there

6. the majority of people i meet are against me

7. i know that i exaggerate things but does it stray away from the truth

8. i thought they was close but i got to cut ties now

9. i can absorb the outside world but it is difficult to interact

10. they can see right through me

11. they try to hurt me for a reaction

12. i cry most of the time just because it is good for me

13. they request things of me i don't want to do

14. isolated is when i feel most comfortable

15. i distance myself to protect me and sometimes others

16. i think im selfish even when im not trying to be

17. people think i don't like them but i don't have the energy for them

18. sometimes i avoid looking in the mirror

19. eye contact is becoming more and more difficult

20. most of my expressions are manufactured

21. don't care for the future don't got any plans

22. i love my family i love my family

23. i think about disappearing never coming back

24. ideal death will be alone deep in the forest

25. im scared

26. i damaged myself far past the chance of repair

27. distance distance distance

28. dissociation is easy

29. i don't know my family

30. why am i holding on to this anger

31. i might be sick

32. i don't know if i care

33. i think im pathetic for doing drugs

34. its hard to remember my childhood

35. i wonder if eight or ten year old me will like me now

36. accomplishments feel anything but

37. i notice things

38. im done with a lot people even ones i like

39. my thoughts paralyzes me

40. trust is difficult don't trust

41. don't know what my thoughts on what &&&& is yet

42. i don't want to do this how do i get out

43. i need help

44. i don't want help

45. enemies will laugh and joke in your face

46. if i try to enlist in the military they will deny me

47. i cant tell nobody about the problems i got nobody

48. i don't know where im at right now i just hope he is alright

49. j coles kod got me thinking he the goat and i only listen to the intro

50. ?i deleted this one it was too dark?🙄😢🙇🏾🤦🏾‍♂️

51. the album-art cover of the kod is amazing. subliminal

52. kill edward is jcole

53. if this is it im not

54. itiiinimpressed

55. im going to stop thinking about her

56. regret is a persons worst enemy

57. pretty sure i got an anxiety disorder

58. pretty sure i got ptsd

59. i use to skip meals because of my anxiety

60. i don't need nobody to tell me i need help but i know

61. im sick

62. im sick

63. how did i get sick

64. im a little dramatic

65. tpye mistake but i didn't want to backspace

66. thought this line should be a dark one but nah 6ix hundred more to go (ಥ﹏ಥ) that was an accident too but it still works i guess

67. fiona and v that will be a good 3hree

68. believe im capable of love but choose not to

69. i don't want to get high anymore but i am

70. i find myself in that empty place quite often

71. i dismissed all her advances im sorry

72. this is going to be... a long one

73. im not good with eye contact for a lot of reasons but i seen something in someone's eyes thinking how is s•• alone? is s•• alone? and things were never the same it changed everything it happened too fast but feelings weren't mutual and now i feel numb most of the time

74. i suck at rapping and producing but it feels like i can change that so easily but im lazy and scared mostly scared lol

75. i hate that shit "lol" but i still do it smh devon no lol

76. sorry its just most of the time ur not

77. im too busy trying to love myself

78. oh im sorry if it looks like im trying too hard but i am

79. i would do anything to push people alway but very little to keep them

80. everyone is against me i got few if not any

81. i need to get swollen i already told some people i was planning on too

82. i only laugh with my friends i think

83. hope this car ain't no scam hope is empty but it feels good

84. i just want it to feel good

85. i think ye might have lost it

86. i have problems sleeping

87. i slipped in that dark place again and i don't want to be there

88. behind my back

89. thunder without lightning how frightening

90. it's either i care too much or for not

91. i really don't want to disagree

92. Cringe

93. how do u make demons out of angels

94. if i hit the lottery with millions i promise myself to show someone this list

95. who are you?

96. i don't want to think about it when i think about it

97. you don't want to know the places i go

98. had to correct that👆👍

99. just sitting here chilling with my shoes on unlaced

100. i think im sick... in the head

101. i think about the most darkest things

102. i don't think im going to sleep for a long time

103. now i know why people go to far with things

104. but when you do it right the outcome is amazing

105. i can understand someone else's choice better than i can explain min

#happy #sad #thoughts

0 notes

jpy693en-blog · 5 years

Text

aflac insurance online quote

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morningpages-louise · 6 years

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August 12, 2018

good morning to yall. the morning after the new moon - a time for renewal, for blank slates, for clearing out thoughts and for piece of mind. why do i feel like these past few weeks have been crazy? huhu not quite sure pero yes. its slowing down a bit now though. not just my workload but like this whole break and my time in Manila is shortening. i only have about 2 weeks left in this city and it makes me a bit sad. i do love manila im gonna miss my friends here, im also gonna miss sheena shell be leaving for thailand soon. i hope to spend some time with her this weekend because it will be our last few moments spent together :'( so yeah drinking my cup of coffee and not really thinking it's of any effect to me. what can i say? i just can't stand a morning without coffee. it's the fuel that keeps me going. right now its pretty gloomy outside but to be honest i cant really tell since i literally have no view. this lack of any natural lighting sucks let me tell you. these past few weeks have been cray and busy as hell. i havent had time to check in on my thoughts and my internal self. konting tiis nalang talaga. konting tiis. just outside your reach. im excited to go home, destress, reinvent myself and maybe become closer to finding the meaning of life (why am i so char) heh ive been obsessed with terrace house lately promise i fucking love that show its so weird i think i like it cause i like seeing how humans connect and disconnect in some cases. human connection - a topic that has been of interest to me lately. i think it had something to do with sense 8. yup right now im feeling quite lethargic. last friday night and yesterday was just a whirlwind. i basically was out the whole day filming and i only had like an hour of sleep cause i spent the night prior tagay-ing with Krizia's CDO friends who are super nice btw. must say tagay is honestly my favorite type of drinking. i'd choose a night of tagay with your most intimate friends (or they dont even have to be super close) over a night out in the club. im just a chill person like that and i'd rather choose good laughs, meaningful conversations and chill inumans than hardcore drinking, dancing to electro and all that jazz. im just a simple gal like that. i wish i had more friends who were into that tho because they seem all about that bad/island/coco club life hahahaha kapoy bes. i also like poblacion vibes. im just super chill okay. life is meaningful. it really is. to find the meaning in life, i feel like thats all we really want. ive been so cautious these past few days because we've had quite the cockroach outbreak yuck even typing it and seing that word disgusts me. but so far i havent seen any in the past 2 days but im not letting my guard down. no i am not. im alone in the condo right now. im not sure pero i think kristine is coming back today? or was that tomorrow? kirsten is off somewhere, probably with tommy and she didn't spend the night last night. i miss her. i miss kris too. i dont know man its times like these where i feel super extroverted. i constantly want to be surrounded by people. to be honest that has been me this whole term. i think its cause im afraid to comfort the pain inside of me. what pain? i dont know but i know im still hurting a bit. im afraid to confront loneliness, insecurity, the toxicity inside of me and being with people makes me forget about that, it makes me focus my energy on other things beyond the me. i'll be okay. i'll be okay. but yup that's just been me. i really do like this morning pages thing. it makes me really tackle what my mind is going through and all the thoughts residing and it helps a bit in clearing it off, clearing the weight of my being. so yas. that's just been my thoughts these past few days. i promise i just can't wait til im chilling in the beach and watching that sunset, and reading good books and watching new films pero im also sad to be leaving manila. i wish i had a bit of time to explore the city after my term ends, by myself or with friends i dont really care but i do enjoy going around manila without a single weight on my shoulders. is it wrong that i'd rather be here than there? i don't think so. not at all. but maybe this feeling of home i feel is only temporary. i only feel like it is home because my friends all live here. it has become familiar and it is hella close to my school lol but i swear if you took the people away from here, it wouldnt be the same. what's manila without your friends? and i swear almost all of my friends are from the provinces. lol i get along better with people who have gone through similar experiences as me which in this case is weve all come from different parts of the philippines and are living alone and figuring shit out by ourselves. it's an amazing feat to be honest. to be completely independent, to have your parents trust you so much. i can't believe ive been living alone (well not really alone pero without parents) for over 3 years now. ive learned to cook. ive learned to clean (a bit lang lol) still dont know how to do my laundry tho. ive basically learned to live by myself. to commute by myself and to get around by myself and because of that, i feel like ill be fine. dude i have so much weird energy in myself and i just really want to release it but i can't quite figure out what this energy within me is but i always feel the urge to cry, as a form of releasing lol super weird but yeah anyways im way beyond the word count but i just want to keep going. my coffee is also completely gone. what am i doing today? i was supposed to continue filming for one of my majors but i think since it got cancelled, i will just watch cinemalaya and work on a few papers. there's also this event that i want to go to called writing from the margins. it's in Raffles hotel (fancy) pero not sure if i can make it. it's currently 1:20 pero ill try my best ill wrap this up now so i can make it, do some yoga, get ready and then leave and once im finished ill work on my papers (perhaps in UCC or another cute cafe) and then wait for a film showing of a cinemalaya film hehe toodaloo and see you soon! i love you!

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decadenttimetravelmentality-blog · 6 years

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Switch auto insurance from USAA to Nationwide?

"Switch auto insurance from USAA to Nationwide?

If the policy quoted by Nationwide was ~35% cheaper than what USAA would give, for the exact same coverage, would you switch? Why or why not?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr