every time dick breaks up one of his brothers’ fights, he just flashbacks to when he tried to square up against a 13 year old and decides to send a gift basket to bruce
If the batkids had a podcast. Part. Xll
Nightwing: "How does it feel to be Batman"- You know that meme "I have no mouth and I must scream"?
Redhood: Wow- That bad??
Nightwing: No-Not really- It's just- You have a very set of limited things you can do as batman.
Nightwing: The fear is great though– People look at you and run.
Redhood: (giggles) Uh-huh
Nightwing: But like- If /Nightwing. Go up to a Penguing gang meeting and shout "Well that's fishy" no one bats an eye.
Redhood: Because you're weird-
Nightwing: I'm not weird- Shut up-("you are" on the background) I'm not. If- If Robin says that-
Robin: I would never say that.
Red Robin: I would
Robin: Of course you wou-
Nightwing: Point is- If I say that, Or Robin say that or Red Robi- No one cares. You can do a double flip and call them a bitch, and that's it. Now if Batman say's that-
Red Robin: You have a problem.
Nightwing: You would have like seven drug dealers heavily armed staring at you horrofied in a empty parking lot.
Redhood: That Sounds awfully restricting.
Nightwing: Right? It was. But (pause) it was a kind of- I don't know. I kinda of a honor noneless. Would do the same again. If had to.
Nightwing: And people would– People would tweet "why the fuck batman is smiling so much this is terrifying"- And I would be like "well that doesn't add to the pressure at all"- (nervous laugh) Like- I'm trying my best guys- Please.
So ra's wants to see if he can slowly make tim a bit more immortal so he starts diluting some ectoplasm from his least favorite pit and starts putting him into tims drink and sometimes just straight up injects him
Problem, the reason why he doesn't like the pit is because it's too close to real ectoplasm and it rejects the bad ectoplasm in his body
So tim slowly becomes more liminal until Danny, who was taking a road trip through universes, sees him and picks him up
Like, actually picks him up and takes him with him for a bit
Normally Tim would freak but all his ectoplasm just cheers because ghost king is a soothing balm and Tim just takes a long nap
Even when he wakes up he is just feels content and listens to dannys rambles, whenever he gets agitated Danny chirps and calms him down
He is slightly worried when Danny explains that he needs to drink some actual ectoplasm to not die and it will have certain effects on him
But when he finds out it means it will also help with jasons pit rage? Sign him up
So about two months after he shows back up in the batcave mid argument and when he sees Jason he chirps loudly
It instantly calms him
So now the bats gotta deal with whatever happened to Tim, a ghost king (Constantine nearly passes away when he hears) and Jason clinging to Tim cause it helps his pit rage
Tim can't wait to tell them that he and Danny are going on a date soon
dp x dc text message crack :)
✨just because ✨
danny: father man
danny:… do you have this set up just to notify you when someone says batman and nothing else.
jason: don’t be so quiet, answer the question old man.
bruce: what did you need
danny: oh yeah
danny: just about forgot about it
danny: i may or may not have
danny: ate a chunk of kryptonite on a dare
dick: danny no
dick: we have better impulse control than this
danny: we absolutely do not and you know it
danny: but also say hi guys, kon is here
dick: why do you still need our help if the supers are there?
jason: oh yeah, almost forgot about that part
tim: what did i just wake up to
jason: go back to sleep replacement
danny: scroll up
danny: i can say with full confidence that this has never happened before
danny: usually when i eat solid objects i can just phase them back out.
danny: like the time i swallowed a fork back at casper high when my parents raided the school looking for my ghost half.
tim: excuse me what the fuck
danny: i know right, they couldn’t have waited five minutes until i stopped eating
dick: why can’t you just phase the kryptonite out
danny: i would, but it’s wedged in there pretty good
danny: it just goes intangible with me :/
tim: i have decided i am going back to sleep
tim: it is too early in the afternoon for me to deal with this
danny: well, b-man’s here to save me now so i’ll tell you all about it in a few hours
jason: are we going to bring up the fact that danny called bruce dad like 3 times?
dick: he did what
Happy Birthday Boy Wonder 💙💙💙🦇🎉
Jason: So fun fact! I shouldn’t go underneath black lights anymore!
*turns on a black light flashlight*
Tim: why no- JESUS FUCK!
Jason, with his entire skeleton glowing toxic green: this was an unfortunate discovery to have while playing put-put with Lian..
lowkey i'm sorta attached to this redesign
Jason: Bruce really hates us.
Roy: Yeah, maybe he's homophobic.
Jason: We're not gay.
Roy: We're not?
[ Jason’s most cherished memory, from Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #34 ]
one of my fav relationship tropes is the death of hero worship
*Dick hangs up*
Duke: Uh oh. What's going on, B?
Bruce: Dick usually says "I love you" when we hang up. And then he sings it and then he whispers it. This time he just said, "gotta go, dad"
Cass: Well, maybe... He's gotta go?
Bruce: Yeah, maybe. It just feels like Dick hasn't been around as much lately. Last week, he only came to four out of seven breakfasts, and he missed bat-equitment maintenance day to, and I quote, "train with Wally." He didn't even come over to watch that other unrelated Wayne family on Family Feud.
Damian: Their performance was- survey says- disgraceful.
Bruce: I mean, I don't want to just throw around the D-word but...
Steph: *Gasp* Dracula disorder?
Bruce: Drifting. As in we're all drifting apart. This was my worry when Dick moved out to Blüdhaven, that we'd see him less and less. And then from there, who knows what would happen?
Jason: oh my god, is it me driving him away? I'm always pestering Dick with annoying questions like "How much do you think your arms weigh? Like if you took them off your body and weighed them separately?"
Tim: *gasp* it could be my fault. The other day, when Dick and I went to the movies, I got a small popcorn to share and he said, "I wish you'd gotten a medium."
Damian: well, I know it's not me. I'm amazing.