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beyonddmythoughtssworld · 1 year

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paper hearts || jj maybank x carrera!reader

Summary: After being rejected, JJ turns to the reader to mend his broken heart, not taking into account her own.

Word Count: 11.8k (she's long I couldn't help it)

Warnings: 18+ content, smut, angst, verbal altercations, slapping, she's wordy but worth it

"When you lose a thought... where does it go?"

Breaking away from your own thoughts, you turn your head to the blonde just as he passes the joint over to you. Grabbing it, you watch as he exhales the puff of smoke before looking at you expectantly. Your eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“I don’t know. It’s lost,” You respond after a few moments. He had managed to stump you with that, the effects of the weed making it the most profound question of the night.

Bringing his arm up to lay under his head, he turns his face so he’s looking at the sky again, the star of the moonlight reflecting off his face. You take another hit before passing it back, taking the time to admire him.

You were aware enough to admit the crush you’ve had on JJ since you met him. It was hard not to. Taking the physical aspect out of it, which would be explanation enough, you’d grown to admire the heart of the surfer over the last few years you’d known him.

You noticed the way he’d drop everything for the people he loves. You noticed how he was always up for some crazy adventure, opting to live with no regrets. You noticed how the carefree blonde would fight to protect his friends. You noticed him.

And he noticed that.

It was no secret amongst the group that you had feelings for him, just something that wasn’t addressed. You were Little Carrera, and Kie made it clear when she introduced to the group that there would be no funny business. It was then that you were informed of the ‘no pogue-on-pogue macking’ rule.

Kie was the first to notice how your eyes lingered on the blonde when he entered the room, and she brought it up semi-casually as you guys were hanging out.

“JJ is… complicated,” She began as you guys were sitting on your bed, the movie long forgotten. “He’s great… amazing actually. But he’s not the relationship type. And you’re very…”

She trailed off, but it didn’t take much effort to fill in the blanks. On top of being considered the ‘baby’ of the group - a term you’ve grown to detest - it didn’t take long for them to notice that you’re the type of person who wears your heart on your sleeve; John B once describing you as someone with ‘big feelings’.

If you were to have JJ, you would want all of him. And JJ Maybank was many things, but willing to break down the walls he built up was not on that list. It’s funny, really. The same man who would risk his life for the people he loves has a hard time even saying the word itself. And while that stopped you from pursuing him, it wasn’t enough to diminish the way he made you feel.

Maybe it was because he welcomed you with open arms, growing the closest over your time in the group. Maybe you were holding out because you hoped that one day he would come to the revelation that you were someone he could break down those walls for. That you wouldn’t hurt him. Whatever it was, you were head over heels.

Unbeknownst to you, Kie also had a conversation with JJ not too long after.

“I’m not saying you have to be with her,” She quickly said when she noticed the shocked look on the blonde’s face as she revealed your crush. “I’m just telling you because… she’s my sister and maybe if you’re aware you can stop doing things that send her mixed signals. That is, if you don’t feel the same.”

“No,” JJ replied, wincing at the speed and how that came off. “Don’t get me wrong, she’s great. I love being around her, I just.. don’t have those feelings for her.”

He wanted to add that he instead shared those feelings for the older Carrera, but the words caught in his throat right just as he opened his mouth to do so. He’d been wanting to confess his own feelings for Kiara for months, and he assumed when she pulled him off to the side ‘to talk’ that she would be bringing up her own feelings for him.

Then again, maybe she doesn’t want him to send mixed signals to you because she doesn’t want anything to happen with you guys. What if this conversation is a way for her to find out if he has feelings for her younger sister, cause that would mean he doesn’t have them for her?

“Great.” Great?

“I mean, well, you know what I mean.” She waved off, but he desperately wanted her to tell him because he didn’t know what she meant. “Just don’t do anything to lead her on. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“I won’t hurt her,” He promised, not even really saying it to appease her. You were too good of a friend for him to intentionally hurt you. You were too good of a person for him to be that malicious, especially now knowing how you felt.

And he truly meant that promise when he made it.

But when JJ was hurt, he had the tendency to do stupid things. Very stupid things.

Which brought you guys to laying next to each other in the hammock outside of the Chateau, sharing a joint while looking at the stars. He could feel your eyes on him, and it was making it harder to tell himself to not do this stupid thing, no matter how easy it would be. It would stroke his ego, you wouldn’t question it, and he would be able to get lost in the feeling of you to forget the embarrassment of the rejection he faced earlier that day.

He finally had the balls to tell Kie how he felt, and it did not turn out how he wanted.

“Jayj..” Kie trailed off, eyebrows knitting together as she was unable to find the words. But JJ could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t feel the same way. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking away before turning back around and smiling like nothing was wrong.

“It’s all good. I just- Well, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try,” he backed away, Kie reaching out to him and calling his name with this sympathetic tone that made JJ grimace. “Really Kie, we’re all good. Just forget I even said anything.”

She had left the Chateau not too long after, making some excuse about being tired from their beach day. But JJ knew it was because she felt awkward around him now, and he cursed at himself for reading her wrong and thinking she felt the same. Now, he might have screwed things up just in the friendship.

At the very least, she would be walking on eggshells around him or looking at him like a sick puppy who needs pity, and the thought humiliated him as much as it angered him.

She had asked you if you were riding home with her, to which you declined. JJ offered to take you home when you wanted, not surprised when you didn’t hesitate to agree. Once Pope left and John B turned in for the night, the two of you decided to go out for a smoke session before he planned to drop you off.

Part of him wanted to blame Kie. While he appreciated the conversation they’d had about you then, all he could think now was that you were forbidden fruit being dangled in front of him. Maybe he wanted to hurt Kiara back. Maybe he just needed to feel wanted by someone that day.

Whatever the reason, JJ found himself turning to face you, catching you off guard. Normally he would pretend as if he couldn’t feel the eyes on him, but now he was looking at you and not saying anything and fuck you couldn’t breathe.

The devil and angel on JJ’s shoulders were having a full out war. This is wrong. It would be the worst thing he’s ever done, and he knew he was an asshole to do anything with you knowing how you felt about him. And how he felt about your sister.

But you were beautiful. And you were looking at him as if he held the world in his hands and fuck he’s about to do something completely stupid.

He leans in, pausing when your breath catches in your throat out of nerves. Pulling away, JJ looks at you.

“Is this okay?” The question was futile, both of you knew that. But he could see the uncertainty swimming in your eyes, not knowing if this was the effect of really good weed or if he was actually making a move on you. After a few moments, you snap out of your head and realize you have yet to respond.

“Yeah,” You whisper, afraid if you speak too loud you’d break the bubble the two of you seemed to be in. He leans in slowly, you mimicking his actions and meeting him into a soft kiss. It was short, the two of you pulling apart but still centimeters away from each others face.

This is the part where he tells you that was a mistake. He’s gonna tell you he’s just high, and that you should forget-

But you’re cut off by his lips slamming on yours, his hand coming up to cup the side of your face as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. Both of your hearts were beating a mile a minute. You lightly grabbed the hand that was on your face, needing something to ground you as you felt you would float away at any moment. Surely this would be what killed you.

“You wanna go inside?” JJ mumbles against your lips, kissing you softly. No, that would be what killed you.

“Yeah,” You reply, kicking yourself in the ass for not having any other words in your vocabulary right now. But he doesn’t seem to mind as he gets out of the hammock, using one hand to grab yours and help you off while using the other to stabilize the swinging.

His hand is still holding yours as he leads you into the Château and his makeshift room. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed, pulling you between his legs and kissing you again.

JJ knew that he was crossing so many lines they were basically nonexistent at this point. He meant to stop after the first kiss, but you looked so fragile in that moment when you thought he would reject you. Is that how he looked when he told Kiara how he felt?

Maybe it was good that he kept kissing you. You would be devastated and embarrassed, and he couldn’t be the cause of that knowing how it felt to be on the receiving end. Sleeping with you would be like killing two birds with one stone. He’d be able to consume himself with the distraction that you’re providing, and you would get what you’ve always wanted from the blonde.

JJ did whatever to rationalize his actions because he didn’t want to stop. It felt good to forget, and who better to lose himself in than the girl who basically worshipped him?

Grabbing the back of your thighs, he lifted you up until you were placed on his lap, resting his hands on the small of your back as he lightly ran his tongue on the bottom of your lip to ask for permission. You grant it, giving up control instantly and bringing your hands to the back of his neck, pulling at the end of his hair.

He grunted against you, starting to guide your hips so you were grinding against him. He begins to harden as you gasp, and he pulls away as a thought pops in his head.

“Are you a virgin?” You blush at the question, but shake your head. Thank God. JJ could barely write off what he’s doing now, but he would be going straight to hell if you trusted him with that and he went through with it knowing his intentions.

When JJ leans back in, you don’t allow any more interruptions. Pushing him back on the bed, the two of you get lost in the feeling of each other.

•••

JJ is woken up by the smell of bacon.

At first he’s sure he’s just having a very vivid dream, but his eyes pop open after a few moments when he realizes it’s reality. When the hell did John B go to the store?

He rolls over to the other side of the bed, stuffing his face in the pillow and inhaling. The scent of mango and vanilla overwhelms his senses, and he sighs contently at your known fragrance before his eyes pop open for the second time. The events of last night come rushing back, and he sits up in the bed.

You’re not in the room, which makes him think there’s only one place you would be. He should’ve known. If John B was cooking he would’ve woken up to the smell of smoke instead of perfectly cooked bacon.

He gets out of the bed, pulling on his boxers before grabbing a random pair of sweats off the ground and putting those on as well. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he walks down the hall to the kitchen to see you at the stove.

On top of the bacon you have sizzling on the back burner, you’re currently scrambling some eggs. You’re wearing only one of his cut out shirts, and his eyes run up your legs before settling on a very noticeable handprint on your outer thigh.

You’re dancing lightly, swaying your hips back and forth as you hum to yourself, and JJ feels a pang in his chest knowing he’s gonna be the cause of your hurt once he tells you he wants to forget about last night. He steps further into the kitchen, clearing his throat and lightly chuckling when you jump before turning to face him.

You’re startled at the sound, so caught up in playing the song in your head and making breakfast that you don’t even recall hearing the bedroom door open. Your face flushes as you take in the blonde standing across from you. He has bruises littering his neck from where your lips left their mark, and you’re sure if he turned around you would see the remnants of your nails digging into his back.

“Hey!” You greet cheerfully, unable to stop the wide smile from taking over your face as the events from last night settled into being reality. “I’m making breakfast. I sent John B back out to get orange juice, I know it’s your favorite.”

JJ thanked you quietly, and your face grew concerned at his tone, "You okay?"

He opened his mouth to tell you that you should talk about last night, but you turned back around and continuing making the eggs and you just looked like you felt lighter on your feet. When you looked back at him, he saw the light in your eyes and just how overall content you looked right now.

He had sex with you less than ten hours ago, he can't hold your heart in his hands and then drop it like its nothing. So, he made the decision to have the talk later. You were happy. He wasn't going to ruin that.

He made his way over to you, placing his hands on your waist and leaning over to press a kiss on your forehead, "Perfect."

He ignored the guilt he felt when you leaned into him.

Kie was first extremely confused, which quickly turned into pissed.

It'd been three days since she'd last been to the Chateau, and she would be lying if she said it wasn't because of the blonde. She didn't mean to be awkward, but he had caught her off guard with his feelings. She assumed she was doing the right thing by giving him space afterwards to give him time to come to terms and hopefully move on from it altogether.

The last thing she expected was to come back and see you two cuddling on the couch while watching a movie on your phone. Your head was laying on his chest, and she would've thought nothing of it if it weren't for the way JJ was running his fingers up and down your leg that was laced between his.

When you saw her, you sat up as if you were caught, which in a way you were. You had yet to tell Kiara about what happened with JJ, too caught up in spending time with him and not really finding the right time outside of that to bring it up. You didn't know how she would react considering you were went against her advice and pursued the surfer, and honestly you wanted to bask in the whirlwind that was JJ Maybank.

The morning after you felt like you were on Cloud Nine, the buzz of the weed no match for how high you got off from his presence. He'd dropped you off later that morning after you ate breakfast with John B, the brunette noticing a shift but deciding not to say anything. When he arrived at your house, you hesitantly looked at him because you didn't really know where you two stood.

"Um, I guess I'll see you later at the Chateau?" You asked, trying to keep your tone casual. But both of you knew the double meaning behind your words. To your delight, he had leaned over and kissed you, pulling away after a moment before agreeing.

He waited until you made it to the front door to start his bike again and drive off, and you unlocked the front door clumsily as the events of the night replayed in your head. You came inside, leaning against the front door to shut it with a smile so wide on your face you felt like your cheeks would burst.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" You turned to see Kie looking at you with an amused expression. She had just grabbed a box of strawberries from the fridge, adding it to the half done parfait.

You smiled as you walked over to the cabinet, grabbing the bag of crushed granola and setting it on the counter next to the ensemble of yogurt and fruit Kie had already laid out. You shrugged your shoulders, "Nothing, just a good morning."

"Okay, Ms. Morning-Person-all-of-a-sudden," Kie teased, bumping her hip against you playfully. "Want a parfait?"

"Sure, but put mine in the fridge. I'm gonna hop in the shower real quick," You say before kissing her on the cheek and heading towards the stairs. Kie watches as you bounce up the stairs, shaking her head at your good mood but deciding not to question it further. If you're happy, she's happy.

"Sorry," you stated bashfully, leaning into your arm now but not moving any further from JJ. "No one’s here and we got distracted."

Kie knows you're referring to your lack of a response when she had texted you earlier, but she was too stumped by the sight before her. Her eyes move from you to JJ, who's still watching the movie as if this is nothing out of the ordinary. Fixing her face, Kie smiles at you, "You're good. I didn't mean to interrupt... whatever this is."

You wave her off, climbing over JJ to get off of the couch and grabbing your phone from his hands, finally managing to draw JJ's attention from the device to the conversation.

You mention something about your phone dying anyway, and while you're walking to JJ's room Kie fixes a glare on the blonde. The man in question at least has the decency to look a little ashamed, anger swimming in Kie's brown eyes as she walks closer to him.

"The only reason I'm not making a scene," She started through gritted teeth, "is because she's in the other room."

He sits up on the couch, using his hands to push himself off.

"Jealous?" The most dick headed comment slipped from his mouth before he could stop it, Kie's gaped mouth at his balls just adding to how much he felt like an absolute asshole in that moment. He could hear the bitterness in his tone, and he grimaced.

"JJ I swear to God-" She steps closer to JJ, who would've stepped back if it didn't mean he would fall back into the couch.

"What's going on?" Your voice asks from the where you're standing at the beginning of the hallway, halting when you notice the tension in the room that was not there before you left. Kie moves from JJ, putting on her best smile as she waved you off, "Nothing."

Before you could question further, she stops you.

"Oh, I forgot. Guess who brought extra food from the Wreck for us," She sang, and you gasped in excitement. You’d been starving, the group all making plans to meet here for dinner and Kie promising to bring extra food after her shift. She holds out her keys as you grab them from her hands, practically running out the door to her car.

Kiara whips her head back to JJ, gaze murderous.

"What the hell is your problem?"

JJ attempts to shrug, "I don't know what you're talking about-"

"Don't play that shit," Kie snaps. "You tell me you have feelings for me and I come back to find you macking on my sister?"

"We were watching a movie, relax," He attempts to walk past her to no avail. Kie steps right in his path.

"JJ."

"It's not what it seems," JJ lied. It was exactly what it seemed like. "We've just been... hanging out."

Kie gives him a pointed look, and he sighs. They both have a silent argument, knowing exactly what JJ was doing. JJ looks out of the screen door to see you making your way back from the car, struggling to lift all of the bags.

"She's happy, alright?" JJ says quickly, eyes bouncing from Kie's figure to yours. "Isn't that all that matters? Please just... don't say anything."

Before Kie could get a word out JJ was bolting out of the front door.

You struggled to lift the huge bags of extra food while attempting to not drop the keys, cursing Kie in your head for not warning you. Then again, you didn’t really give her time to. The sound of the front door opening makes you sigh in relief, your eyes lighting up at JJ walking towards you with his hands out.

“Gimme those,” he stated, taking the weight off you and walking next to you back inside. You open the door for him, watching as he walked to set the food down on the table. Your eyes move to Kie, who’s glaring at the blonde and when she meets your gaze you question her with your eyes.

Shrugging, she moved from her position back over to you, grabbing the keys from your hands before muttering, “I’m gonna go pick up Pope.”

As she walks out the door, JJ turns to you just as you fix your inquisitive gaze on him, “She does know that’s what John B’s doing, right?”

“Don’t know,” JJ shrugs, walking back over to you and dipping his head down, “All I heard was we have the place to ourselves.”

You smirk up at him, meeting him halfway as he pulled you into a kiss.

•••

The more time he spent with you, the more JJ’s guilt began to fade.

It’s been two weeks since he begged Kie not to say anything to you. He planned on telling you himself later that day, the reality of his actions setting in when he was face to face with his actions. It was when he was truly able to reflect and see that he was completely disregarding your feelings in this.

But every time he looked at you, he couldn’t get the words to come out of his mouth. He couldn’t be cause of your pain, knowing exactly what that pain feels like. You were so happy, and he couldn’t bring himself to ruin that. He rationalized his actions again, deciding that he could grow to have those feelings for you. He just needed time.

JJ found that it wasn’t hard to. He does enjoy spending time with you. Without the thoughts of Kiara looming over his head, he was actually able to focus on you outside of just being his friend.

You didn’t push conversations, willing to just sit in comfortable silence. You laughed at his antics instead of scolding him, sometimes even joining along. You were considerate, always letting him know you were there if he wanted to talk but not pushing him any further. You were always there.

JJ also found that he really likes kissing you.

He liked how he could feel the nerves coming off of you when he leaned in close to you, how he could practically hear your heart beating out of your chest. He’d spent so much time actively ignoring your crush on him that he didn’t take the time to pay attention to how cute you are when you reacted to him.

The last two weeks have shown that JJ has just been looking in the wrong place. Sure, his feelings for Kie were real. But they weren’t like the feelings he had for you. JJ always felt like he needed to prove he was good enough for your sister, but with you it was never a worry. You assured him that he was enough, and he’s never felt that validation.

Things were still very new, JJ not being able to say he was outright in love with you. But you were patient, letting him know from jump that you weren’t putting any pressure on him.

“We can just play it by ear,” You shrug as you guys talk about your newfound relationship. “There’s no pressure. We can just see where it goes, and if it ends up going nowhere there’s no hard feelings.”

JJ knew he should’ve ended it, but the thought of taking things slow and seeing where things go with you two didn’t seem terrible to him. If anything, he liked the idea. When you take his initial intentions out of it, this is just two friends exploring the possibility of something more.

He didn’t care that Kie still wasn’t really speaking to him. He’d never felt more wanted in his life, and he began to crave that feeling. He also found himself wanting to reciprocate, wanting you to feel how you make him feel.

Which brought you guys to your nightly smoke session out on the hammock. Every night for the last two weeks, the two of you venture off to smoke a joint, JJ pulling you into a shotgun and relishing in the lust that takes over you. More times than not, those moments end in him leading you back to his room and losing himself inside you.

“Y/N, can I talk to you?” JJ looks over to see Kie standing over you guys as you sit on the hammock. She has a determined look on her face, and JJ instantly knows why.

Kie had been watching you for the last couple of weeks.

She was able to connect the dots quickly on what sparked your unlikely relationship. What she hasn’t connected is why he’s keeping it going. He doesn’t have feelings for you, and yet he’s continuing to lead you on and give you false hope. Then again, maybe it was for the same reason she hasn’t said anything.

You are happy. That much is shown with the light behind your eyes and the smile you can’t seem to wipe off your face. You’ve always been a happy person, your bubbly personality spreading to those around you. But this happiness was different. You just seemed so much more sure of yourself.

And it made sense. With the way JJ was acting, there’s no way to even tell the blonde doesn’t have feelings.

Even the rest of the Pogues have begun making comments about the ‘honeymoon phase’ you seem to be in, and she has to force a laugh as they joke about how much your cuteness makes them want to puke.

Even now, she had been watching from afar, only breaking her gaze when John B made a joke about a picture lasting longer.

For two weeks, she’s been holding her tongue. But at this point, the guilt was physically painful. Kie hates that she will be the one to burst your bubble, but she also knows she can’t just sit back and watch her sister’s feelings continue to get played with.

You nod your head, JJ hopping up from the hammock instead, grabbing Kie’s arm, “Give us a second.”

“Okay..” Your voice trails off, confusion filling you once again at the odd behavior that’s been exhibited for weeks now. You knew Kie would feel weird, her sister and best friend dating and all. Nevermind that it did come out of nowhere. But it was weird how much of a problem this is for her.

You couldn’t stop yourself from worrying, wishing you were able to eavesdrop on the conversation but alas, there was no way for you to make your way over to them without being noticed.

JJ walks until he and Kie are out of earshot, turning to face her. His eyes bounce across her face, wincing internally at the anger that's been present every time the girl even looked in his general vicinity.

"What are you doing?"

"Do you even like her?" Kie hits him back with a question. This is the first time she's actually able to get a glimpse into what the hell he's thinking. "You can't lead her on, JJ. She deserves better than that."

"I'm not leading her on," He stays, quickly adding once seeing the look on Kie's face, "Maybe at first it was unclear but I do like her. And she's happy."

He repeats his sentiment he told her the first time she confronted him. And he's not lying. He did like you. His feelings for Kie began to diminish the longer he spent around you, while his feelings for you only grew. He was shocked himself at how easy it was to be with you.

"Because she doesn't know the truth!"

"So what? You want to go over there and break her heart?" He pointed in your direction. He knew it was a low blow, but he couldn’t stop himself due to the fear of you finding out.

"It's not me doing the breaking."

"Kie, look," He focuses on her, noting for the first time how he’s not nervous to make eye contact. "Just give me some time. I haven't even had time to really work through all of this shit. I'll tell her myself before I do anything to hurt her."

“Work through- JJ she has feelings for you. Not ‘I’m trying to figure it out’ feelings, actual deep fucking feelings for you. And you used that because you were what? Angry at me?”

He sighs, unable to really argue with her because it was the truth. He did use you. He was angry and hurt and you made him forget that. But it’s not the same now as it was then. He’s been looking at you in a new light and he’s kicked himself in the ass for not trying to before.

“I’m an asshole,” he states. “I know that. But take the bullshit with us and that night out of it, I care about her. A lot actually, and I know that’s hard to believe with me trying it with you and all… but I’m honestly happy you turned me down.”

When Kie looks at him skeptically, he continues, “Seriously. Me and you didn’t make sense. But me and Y/N… I can’t explain it but we just do. I’m not saying you have to trust me or even like that I’m with her, but I’m telling you the truth when I say I’m not going to do anything to hurt her. If you tell her, she will hate me. Please just don’t make her hate me.”

Kiara’s hard gaze softened the more JJ talked. In all of this, she had forgotten that she knew JJ. Take away the impulsivity and roughness, he cared about his friends more than life itself. She knew deep down he didn’t do this to intentionally hurt you. And he did seem to be genuinely terrified at the thought of you hating him, which makes her think he has to have some sort of feelings for you.

She turned around to look back at you, battling with telling you or letting you be happy. If JJ was telling the truth, and he did have feelings for you, telling you now would only cause discourse and make you feel less of yourself - no matter how untrue it was.

You turn around to see JJ and Kie finally walking back, and you get off the hammock. You cross your arms, looking at the two as they reach you, “Okay, do either of you wanna tell me why you’ve both been acting so fucking weird?”

You weren’t stupid. You knew something was off, but you just wanted to write it off as everyone adjusting to the new relationship. But at this point it’s been weeks and this weird energy just continues to hang in the air.

You watch as JJ and Kie look at each other, the blonde seeming to give your sister the floor to answer. She turns back to you and smiles lightly, “I’m sorry for being weird. I’ve just been getting used to you two, and honestly I was worried about his intentions.”

“His intentions?”

“Yeah. He’s not really the relationship guy and I know how you feel about him and… I just want to make sure you don’t get hurt.”

You sigh in relief, pulling Kie into a tight hug, “I love you. But you don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself. And JJ wouldn’t hurt me.”

You’d pulled away at the end of your sentence, looking at JJ when he confirms your words. He walks over to you and kisses your forehead, and it’s the first time that you’ve noticed Kie not grimace when he shows any affection.

“As long as you’re happy..” she trails off, and you nod at her, “I am. I’m really happy.”

•••

You rush around the Chateau, almost tripping over your own feet as you make your way to the hallway bathroom and check your appearance. You're wearing a short floral dress, the color contrasting your skin and fitting nicely against your curves. You ran your hands through your hair to add more volume, the curls coming down past your shoulders. Perfect.

You needed everything to be perfect.

Making your way back into the living room, you look at the set up. You'd created more space on the floor, pushing the sofa bed in and moving it out of the way. You had a blanket laid out on floor, placing a few pillows so they were propped up on the floor in front of the couch and using fake candles to hold the blanket down. Your computer sat on the floor adjacent to the pillows, ready to play movies.

The wine you snuck from your mom's cabinet sat in a bucket of ice, two wine glasses perfectly placed next to them. The pizza was due to arrive in five minutes, you calling the place just to double check that it arrives before JJ.

To your pleasure, you heard the knocking on the screen door and turned to see the pizza delivery man looking back at you. Once you hand him the money, you grab the pizza with a bright Thank you! and place the box of pizza on the floor.

You sit on the floor, changing positions a few times while you decide how you wanna look when JJ walks in before standing up and pacing. You knew this was a lot. I mean, the most romantic thing you and JJ do is sneak into the Wreck after late night surfing.

But you figured given the occasion you could both venture out of your comfort zones. It was your six month anniversary so a little extra romance is expected. You smile softly, not even being able to wrap your head around the fact that you're about to celebrate your six month anniversary with JJ.

The last six months have been everything. JJ was the best boyfriend, always attentive and just making you feel like you were the only person when you were in the room. When your relationship first took a turn, you didn't want to get your hopes up. You knew you would be JJ's first serious relationship and you expected him to run for the hills.

But he surprised you. He spent so much time trying to get to know you in a different sense, not as his friend but as someone he saw himself wanting to be with. When he asked you to be his girlfriend you were sure you would fall to the ground from your knees being so weak.

You two were having a smoke session on the hammock, the two of you passing the nearly gone joint back and forth. JJ suddenly turned his head towards you, “I like you.”

You smile teasingly over at him, “Well I would hope so.”

“I mean it,” He whispered, flicking the joint away. He gets out of the hammock, it swaying as he moves to stand. He holds out his hand. “Come on, baby.”

You grab his hand, letting him guide you out of the hammock and moving until your back was placed against the tree. “What?”

He scans his eyes over your face, moving the small curls from your face and tucking them behind your ear. His fingers run down from your ear to your jaw until he was lightly cupping your chin, running his thumb over the skin. “Nothing. I just want to be able to look at you when I do this.”

“Do what-?” He cuts your question off by using his fingers to tilt your head up, placing a soft kiss. He pulls away, face inches from yours and you can’t tell if it’s his heart or yours that you can hear beating.

“Be my girlfriend?” He asks, his voice low as he looks nervously at you. You’re frozen for a second before you pull him back into another kiss. He was so cute thinking he even had to ask, but you were happy he was ready to put a label on your relationship.

You kiss him, “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend.”

He’s done everything since then to be a perfect boyfriend, making you happier than you’d ever remember being. So, everything tonight needed to be perfect.

Speaking of the devil, you hear the screen door open and stop your pacing to see the blonde at the door, looking at your layout before turning his eyes to you, running them over your figure. “Holy fuck.”

He makes his way inside, the screen door shutting behind him. You start to play with your fingers, smiling shyly at him, “Too much?”

He doesn’t say anything, he just walks over to you and pulls you into a kiss, his hands squeezing your waist as he deepens it. His hands move to your ass, gripping the flesh as he pulls away once successfully making you breathless, “It’s fucking perfect, baby. You’re fucking perfect.”

You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him back into a kiss. You have to move your hands to his chest after a few minutes, pushing him away lightly, “The pizza’s gonna get cold.”

“Screw the pizza. In the mood to eat something else.” He rasped, trying to pull you in another kiss and pouting when you moved your head back. You playfully pointed a finger at him in warning.

“Nice try, blondie. Dinner then dessert,” You lead him to the blanket, giggling as he playfully groans.

“How can you do this and wear that and expect me not to fuck you senseless?” You gasp as he lightly slaps your ass, pecking your cheek as he moves past you to sit down on the floor. You sit next to him, scooting over once he motioned you closer.

“I just spent the last two hours setting this up, so we’re gonna enjoy it,” You tease. “Besides, we have hours for you to fuck me senseless.”

He hums, kissing you again and leaning back on the pillow. “Alright, pass a slice and let’s start the movie. You’re gonna need all the energy you can get.”

•••

JJ felt like he was on Cloud Nine.

The only way to describe the last six and a half months with you is that it felt like a never-ending high. He couldn’t remember a time where he felt happier, a time when he felt more loved than he did since being with you.

Falling for you was as easy as breathing. He kicks himself in the ass for even thinking of being with anyone who wasn’t you. He never thought he’d be the guy to say that someone brings out the best in him, but that’s what he got with you. You make him want to be the best person. Not because you didn’t already think he was perfect, but because JJ wanted to be someone who deserved to be loved by you.

A couple of weeks after Kie gave her approval, JJ was able to come to terms with his feelings for you. He had completely gotten over Kie, and all of his attention and affection was solely on you. It was weird for him to even think about there being a time when he did like your sister. Considering how easy it was to forget them, he’s not even sure they were ever really real.

You were everything and more.

Not long after he realized his feelings, he asked you out. And it was pure bliss from there. You were the most amazing girlfriend he could ever even hope to have. You exceeded every expectation, calmed every insecurity that he had, and made him happy.

He catches himself smiling just thinking about the promise of seeing you, and his heart feels like it’s about to beat out of his chest whenever you’re near him. He loves you. He was completely, hard down in love with you.

He realized that a few months into the relationship. Having never felt it before, he didn’t know what to make of how he felt when he was near you. But he couldn’t ignore how he felt after he came to you one night, completely broken only for you to remind him that mend his bruises and his heart.

He curses as his feet momentarily slips from the thick branch, getting his footing and knocking on the window to your room. He doesn’t make a habit of sneaking in your window just for the simple fact of not wanting to die from falling out of a tree, the two of you opting to spend most of your time at the Chateau.

But when his dad came home on a drunken, drug induced rampage and decided to take his anger out on him, he only wanted to be near you.

You're rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you pull open the curtains, JJ feeling like shit for waking you up at this hour but admiring how cute you look in your sleepy state. When you see him, you immediately unlock the window and step back as he climbs inside.

You reach over and turn on the small lamp on your desk as he shuts and locks the window, turning back to him and gasping at his appearance. JJ knows he looks terrible. He’s gotten punched in the face at least three times, the rest of his father’s punches aimed towards his body once he moved to protect his face.

“Oh, baby,” you whisper, taking his hand lightly and pulling him to your bed. You sit him down, sneaking out of the room to the hallway. You come back a few moments later with a bottled water and First Aid kit, pulling out some Neosporin and gauze pads.

You say nothing as you wet the gauze and clean his face, eyes knitted together in concentration as you clean the blood. When you’re done with that, you move to put the Neosporin on his lip and the cut on his cheek from where his dad’s ring got him.

You get up to put the First Aid on the desk, walking back over to the bed and taking his hands again, “Come lay down.”

“I’m wearing outside clothes.”

“I don’t care,” She responds, and JJ takes his boots off and climbs in after his girl. He lays on his back, you using that he places behind his head as a rest as you face him. You run your fingers softly over his face. He doesn’t talk, he knows he doesn’t need to and she won’t push him, one of the many things he loves about you.

You sit up a little, leaning over to softly kiss his bruised cheek. You place another one on his lips, him reciprocating and relishing in the care. Your fingers move to the end of his shirt, fumbling with the fabric and he knows what you’re gonna ask. “It’s okay.”

You lightly kiss him again before continuing your movements. JJ watches as you slowly lift the front of his shirt up, eyes not being able to leave your face as your eyes tear up at the bruises littering his torso. His heart beats as you move your head down to place light kisses on these bruises as well.

JJ can’t help the tears that start to form in his eyes now. The way you touch him is a complete contrast to what he’s used to. The complete contrast to what he’s shown is “love” his entire life. You always handled him with so much care and love and he gets overwhelmed with the way you make him feel.

“I hate him.” You speak against his torso, placing one more kiss before moving back to your lying position. “He doesn’t even know how amazing you are.”

He looks over at you, and you wipe the fallen tear that he hates that fell from his eyes but wasn’t uncomfortable with the vulnerability. If there was anyone he wanted to be vulnerable with, it was you.

It was at that moment when he felt this overwhelming sense of happiness. It was like a rush of affection spread through him, and he brought his other hand up to rub his thumb against your cheek. You lean into his hand, and he’s speaking before he even realizes.

“I love you.” He whispers so low he’s not even sure you heard him, but the way your eyes move to him tell him you did. It’s the first time he’s ever said it, and he watches as your eyes dance across his face.

“I love you too. Always have.”

The relationship grew from there, JJ finding it easier to show his vulnerability and the feeling of love only growing the more he was with you.

He misses you when you’re not around, John B and Pope teasing him when he jumps to answer your texts. He waves them off, boasting about how they wish they had a girl like his - no offense to Sarah. Sarah would take his side, always telling him how happy she was to see them together.

“I always knew it,” She stated, the group looking at her with different pointed looks. “Well I didn’t know, but I promise I thought it.”

Kie took a little longer to come around, and if he’s being honest he doesn’t think she has fully forgiven him for his intentions when you two first got together. But she eased up with time, only really seeming weird when how you two started gets brought up. She always manages to change the subject, which JJ is grateful for and even more grateful that she does it subtly.

The funny thing was that JJ didn’t even recognize the person he was before you. It was like there were two of him, the one before you and the one after. JJ was absolutely head over heels, and he would do anything in his power to never lose you.

•••

“Fuck, JJ,” You gasp as your head throws back, JJ placing kisses on your neck as he drives his cock deeper into you. You’re in your room, and JJ’s basking in the empty house and how that means he doesn’t have to worry about keeping you quiet.

He uses a hand to grip your thigh, pushing it so it’s pressed against the mattress as he snaps his hips against you. This drives a louder moan out of you, and he bites at your neck, “Like that?”

You nod your head as your eyes roll back, and he places kisses down your neck to your chest and pulls one of your nipples into his mouth. He flicks his tongue at the nub, grunting when your hand comes up to the nape of his neck and pulls at the hair.

He feels you clench down on him, and he knows you’re closer to another orgasm. Wanting to see you fall apart, he brings his head up to see yours still thrown back in ecstasy. He groans at you clenching again, your pussy like a vice around his dick. Bringing his face to yours, he nudges your chin with his nose, “Come ‘ere.”

You bring your face down to him immediately taking your lips in a kiss. You whimper against his lips, and he grunts in response as he pushes his tongue into your mouth. He’s pounding into you, his movements growing sloppy as he gets closer and closer.

“You close, baby?” He asks you against your lips, pecking you once you nod. “Yeah? Come on, come on my cock.”

He lets go off your thigh so you can wrap your legs around him. You wrap both of your arms around his neck as you pull him closer to you, his words triggering your climax. If possible, your pussy wraps itself even tighter around JJ and he groans as pushes his face into your neck as he reaches his climax.

You’re shaking against him, and he places kisses on your throat as he talks you through it, “That’s it. You did so fucking good, baby. Ride it out. ‘M right here.”

Once the last waves of your simultaneous orgasms fade, JJ lazily grinds against you as he brings you into another heated kiss. You’re so out of breath you can’t kiss him back fully, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to feel you against him, wanting to keep being lost in you.

He slows his movements, placing kisses around your face and running his hands up and down your sides, your thighs, the side of your ass, everything he can touch. You giggle, but keep your arms wrapped around him to keep him near you.

“We’re so late,” You laugh against him as he kisses you once again. JJ doesn’t care, he would spend all day here if he could. Just like this. And if you keep making your pussy clench around him by laughing he’ll flip you over and make you even more late.

“You started it.”

“I bent over to grab my shoes,” You joked.

“Tomayto, tomahto.”

You laugh harder, pushing him away. He pulls out, immediately missing the warmth of you. Falling to the bed next to you, he shuts his eyes only for you to object, “Uh uh, come on. Shower time.”

His head immediately comes up, raising an eyebrow at you, “Round Three?”

“JJ!” You laugh as you climb out of bed, and JJ bites his lip at the sight of you stopping your movements when you can’t walk. “We need to get ready so we can leave.”

He gets off the bed, walking over to you and lifting you up so your legs wrap around him. You both make sounds at your sensitive parts grazing each other with the movement, you glaring at him when you feel him start to harden.

“JJ, we don’t have time-”

“We’re already late. What’s ten more minutes?” He begins to walk out of the room to the hallway to the bathroom. Fuck he loves it when no one’s home. When you two live together, he’s making a rule of no clothes in the house.

“Fine, but if they start bitching when we get there I’m blaming you,” You warn. “I’m surprised they weren’t blowing our phones up.”

“They probably were. I turned them off.”

“JJ!”

•••

JJ’s running his fingers down your thigh as you both lay on the hammock. The both of you are sitting sideways to face the group, his foot on the ground to anchor you and rock you back and forth as you all just get drunk and screw around.

“Oh my god and you missed it!” Kie looks at you as they all recap the beach day. “Sarah caught a wave and stayed up!”

You perk at that, looking over to the blonde who is not blushing. John B pulls her in as he confirms, “Yep! My baby’s getting better and better every time.”

“Really?” JJ spoke to Sarah from his spot, and Sarah rolled her eyes, “I was up for like two seconds.”

“But that’s two seconds more than the last time,” Pope points out, and you all laugh before sending Sarah her praise. The blonde had been wanting to learn to surf for the longest, tired of sitting pretty on the beach as you guys spend the day catching waves.

She’d been learning for a few weeks, John B not even letting her on the board until he made a presentation about the history and mechanics of surfing. If she didn’t pass the test he gave her - an actual, multiple choice test - you’re sure she wouldn’t even see the board for another few weeks.

“Just another thing you guys missed when you ditched beach day,” Sarah gave you two a pointed look as she wiggled her eyebrows. You turn to hide your face in JJ’s chest as he has the opposite reaction.

“Worth every hour,” he responds, and you slap his chest lightly. He catches the hand in his, kissing your forehead.

“God, it’s still weird seeing JJ as such a simp.” John B comments, and you all laugh as JJ raises a finger to the brunette.

“Funny. It’s hard to think about a time when he wasn’t,” You replied, placing a soft kiss on his neck.

“It’s the most un-JJ thing ever,” Pope chimes in. “Before you two he wouldn’t be caught dead doing half the shit he does.”

“It’s cute though.” Sarah says, leaning more into John B. “They’re cute.”

“Crazy to think that a year ago we would’ve never thought you two would end up together. I mean,” John B laughs, “I could’ve sworn he liked Kie-”

At the mention of her name, your sister kicks at John B to shut him up. You all look over at the motion, laughter dying down a little. At the new information, you chuckled at the thought as you looked at JJ.

“Kie?” You raise your eyebrows, and he opens his mouth to respond but Pope cuts him off.

“Well obviously not ‘cause you guys started dating,” He looks over at Kie, still confused by her actions. She’s been acting weird since this topic came up.

“Ooh,” Sarah drunkenly chimes in, attention span like a squirrel, “Please tell us how it happened.”

“Sarah it’s been months,” Kiara says her first words since the topic was brought up, and you turn to her. Why is she acting so weird?

“So?” Sarah chuckles, turning back to you and JJ. “Come on, you guys never told us the story. How’d it happen? How did you profess your undying love?”

You laugh at her dramatic tone, shaking your head and shrugging, “You guys already knew I liked him. All of you.” At your last sentence, you nudged JJ who smiled down at you. There was something odd about it, something you couldn’t really place but he just kissed your forehead again.

“Well, yeah, but how did he tell you he liked you back?” Sarah asked, looking at JJ expectantly.

“Oh that wasn’t until after-” You begin to say, but JJ cuts you off.

“I always liked her,” You give him a pointed look, not believing that the blonde likes you before your night together. I mean, he probably had an inkling of feelings, which didn’t shock you. You never expected him to feel the same way. You still remember your shock when he made the move.

Kie scoffs, and you look over at her as she looks as if she didn’t mean for the sound to come out. JJ defends himself, “‘M serious. Just too stupid to realize.”

He places a finger on your chin to bring you to his lips, kissing you, “Sorry for being stupid.”

You hum against his lips, “You’re forgiven.”

“I’m gonna get another drink.”

Kie is standing and walking into the Chateau before you can even process her words. You look at JJ who’s wearing an unreadable expression, turning to look at the rest of the group, “Is she okay?”

You get up to follow her, but Sarah stops you by standing up and pushing you back down, “I’ll go. You stay here and keep being cute.”

She stumbles off, and you lean back into JJ, not being able to shake this weird feeling settling in your chest.

Kiara is leaning against the sink in the bathroom as she takes a deep breath to level her anger. How could he just sit there and lie so easily?

She had to get the hell out of there before she said something she didn’t want to. She’s been able to successfully avoid this conversation from happening around her, not being able to deal with the guilt that still bubbles when she thinks about how she lied to you. How she’s been lying to you.

She could write it off as you being happy so it doesn’t matter how you and JJ started, but it was hard to do that when he just blatantly lies to your face. It was one thing to never mention it but it’s another thing to just sell you a dream.

“Hey, you okay?” She turns to see Sarah standing at the door of the bathroom, and sighs in relief. If it were you she would’ve blurted out the truth instantly. She’s been able to ignore this feeling because it’s obvious JJ has grown to love you. But she’s your sister and she completely lied to your face about something so important.

“It’s one thing to be okay with them but it’s another to sit there and watch him lie to her,” Kie speaks her thoughts aloud, and Sarah walks into the bathroom to stand on the other side of her.

“Lie? What do you mean?”

“I can’t…” She tried to walk out of the bathroom, Sarah instantly pulling her back and making her face her.

“Whatever it is, it’s big enough to be bothering you. Does this have to do with JJ having that crush on you? Did you like him back or something?”

“No!” Kie instantly replies, shaking her head. When Sarah looks at her with an expectant look, she decides to just tell her. As she begins to, she feels the weight she forgot was there leaving her shoulders.

You’re leaning against JJ as Pope and John B start talking about some random thing that happened to them, you not paying attention to it because you were so focused on Kie.

She was acting so weird, and the more you sat there the more you wanted to find out what it was. Did she feel weird about the thought of JJ liking her? It’s a weird thought for you too, but Pope was right. You two are dating so that obviously wasn’t the case.

“I’m gonna go check on her,” you mumble to JJ, sitting up and surprised when he grabbed your arm to stop you, moving to get up himself.

“I can go,” You place a hand on his chest, pushing him back down and looking at him weirdly. “It’s okay, she’s my sister J. I got it.”

He leans back into the hammock, but you can feel how tense he is by the hand on his chest. Getting up, you walk to the Chateau and open the screen door. Confused when you don’t see Kie and Sarah in the kitchen, you look around before hearing their voices come from

the hallway.

You follow the voices, leading you to the bathroom and catching the end of Kie’s words.

“..and then I came back a few days later and they were a thing.”

Was she talking about you and JJ? You leaned against the wall, keeping your distance to not draw attention and eavesdropping. You would feel bad, but this behavior was a reminder of how Kie was acting when you two first got together and now she’s talking about you two.

“I mean, I didn’t know what to do. One second JJ was confessing his feelings for me and then the next he was like attached to her hip.” What?

You feel a weight start to build in your chest as you process her words, thankful when Sarah asked her to elaborate.

“Wait… so the day JJ told you he had feelings for you… he slept with Y/N?”

“I figured. Within the same time frame at least. And I wanted to tell her but she was just so happy and then he told me that he was beginning to like her and after a while it became easier to not say anything because they’re .. well they’re good together.”

You’re thankful for the wall you’re leaning against because you’re sure if it wasn’t there you would’ve collapsed from the shock taking over you at your sister’s words. The day you guys hooked up, the day that changed everything for you, he was telling Kie he had feelings for her?

That doesn’t make sense. Why the hell would he sleep with you if he had feelings for her? He’s never even mentioned having so much as a crush on your older sister, and you run through the events of that day.

He did seem upset. When he offered to smoke, part of the reason you agreed was because he just looked like he needed it, and he spent the first half of the smoke session in silence when normally he wouldn’t be able to shut up. You didn’t question it then, thinking it was just normal JJ on a bad day.

But Kie didn’t come back to the Chateau until days later. Every time you mentioned it she just said she was pulling extra shifts at the Wreck. And when she came back the energy between them was weird… No.

Everything over the past months just clicked in your brain as a lump forms in your throat. JJ kissing you out of nowhere, Kiara’s weird behavior around you two, the secret arguments. Kiara told you she was worried about JJ’s intentions, and it was then you knew the real reason why. He did have feelings for her, and he told her about them and she turned him down. And then he had sex with you.

The lump in your throat grows tenfold, damn near making it hard to breathe as tog continued listening.

“But it’s never really been brought up how they started and I guess I just got nervous about having to lie to her. Again.” You snap back at Kiara’s words. Silence hangs in the air as Sarah’s drunk mind processes.

“I get it. She is happy, but Kie,” Sarah starts, before speaking more delicately. “You’re her sister. You would want to know if the guy you’re dating liked Y/N. if you were in her shoes and this is obviously eating you up still. Why don’t you just tell her? I’m sure-”

Deciding you were done listening, you stepped into the doorway of the bathroom, catching the attention of the two girls. “Yeah, Kiara.”

Sarah’s eyes move to you just as Kiara’s body whips around to face you. You stare back at her, betrayal swimming in your eyes as the tears you can no longer hold back begin to fall, “Why don’t you?”

“Y/N,”

They both spoke your name, still in shock of you listening. Guilt fills Kiara’s eyes as she looks at you, stepping forward and reaching out to you. You back away, pointing at her and opening your mouth to speak but the words get caught in your throat. Not even being able to find the words, you just shake your head.

“Don’t talk to me,” You don’t give her a chance to respond, walking down the hall and outside of the front door. You ignore the calls of your name behind you, only stopping momentarily to look at JJ who’s sitting on the hammock.

At the sound of the door slamming, he turns his head and two emotions come across his face. Concern. Then fear. It was then you confirmed Kiara’s words were true, and you could only walk away from the house and yard, wanting to be as far away from them as possible.

The thought that JJ used you to get over your sister made you sick, and you clutched your stomach as you walked. You heard Sarah and Kiara behind you, the boys making their way over to you as well. You can't even hear what they're saying, too caught up in the thought that the guy you loved not only used you, but lied to you for the entirety of your relationship.

He never had feelings for you. But he knew you had feelings for him. And he knew you would fall at the drop of a dime if it meant he gave you an ounce of attention, and he used that to his advantage.

The feeling of a hand grabbing your arm to turn you around snaps you from your thoughts, "Wait, let me explain. Baby-"

Your hand comes up before you can think, slapping JJ across the face. His head whips to the side at the impact, a pink handprint already appearing as he turns back to you. He still hasn't let go of your arm, gripping it like he's afraid you would float away. And honestly you feel like you might.

"Baby... please-"

"Don't talk to me," You repeat the same sentiment you gave Kiara to JJ, yanking your arm from his grip. "Don't ever talk to me again."

Your voice cracks as you speak, and you could only focus on JJ. He has the nerve to look like a kicked puppy, tears forming in his eyes. What the fuck was he crying for?

"I don't know what you heard but-" He attempted to step closer to you, but you backed away instantly as he reached out for you. If possible, that made him look even more devastated. You wanted to laugh. He did this, and yet he's acting like the one hurt?

"I heard about you having sex with me to get over your rejection from my sister," You snapped, slapping his hand away once he tried to reach for you again. You walked away, JJ following as he pleaded his case.

"Okay, I told Kie I had feelings for her but," He stutters. "But that doesn't matter now-"

"It doesn't matter?" You turn to face him again, the anger on your face forcing JJ to take a step back. "If she would have said yes, you would have never looked my way."

The thought makes your face crumble, and more tears fall as you look at the guy who betrayed you in the worst way.

"You never looked my way," Your bottom lip trembles as you shake your head. "I was just the one you settled for when you couldn't get what you really wanted."

"I did not settle with you-" He begins to argue, his voice growing hard at the fact that you would think that. He's interrupted by you slapping him across the face again.

"At the very least, you could not lie to my face anymore. You've done that enough these last few months," You whisper. You start to break down, chest heaving as you begin to sob.

"I can't even..." You place a hand on your chest, trying to catch your breath before waving him off, "Just.. leave me alone."

You face the rest of the group, looking at the array of emotions. Sarah's crying, John B and Pope both share a shocked expression but it turns to sympathy as they look at you. Your eyes settle on your sister, watching the tears run down her face as she looks back at you guiltily. She says your name, and your eyes harden as you speak to her.

If anyone was supposed to tell you the truth, at all times, it was her. She's your sister and she just sat back and watched you fall for a guy who never cared about you. She sat back and watched you fall for a guy who wanted her.

"Both of you."

You walk away, glad that they took the hint and decided not to follow you. You feel someone walk beside you, though, and you turn to see Sarah as she throws an arm over your shoulder and comforts you as you continue walking from the Chateau, not having any clue how the hell you move forward from here.

---

link to part two

#obx #obx jj #jjmaybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank smut #jj maybank angst #obx fic #jjmaybankfanfiction #outerbanks #jj maybank x y/n

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thecameronchronicles · 2 years

Text

Anything For You

TW: Threesome. Smut. Language. Kidnapping.

SUMMARY: Rafe kidnaps JJ to fulfil one of your fantasies.

Rafe would do absolutely anything for you and you knew it. Embarrassment or wrath left behind him, the smile on your face or the way you chose to show your gratitude was enough to risk anything and everything for. But this would be shown in excess tonight.

WORD COUNT: 2100

REQUESTED FROM WATTPAD

tvish_tpwk

heyy, would you ever consider writing a threesome story including rafe and jj

Anything For You

“A door?” You teased, turning back to Rafe as he’d just removed the blindfold he’d set across your eyes for the last half hour. A master of suspense of sorts as he favored tormenting you into delayed gratification, he would prompt an expressionless redirection of focus before opening the door before you. Set in an office chair, bound to the arms, and cursing every expletive under the sun, had been a familiar blonde-haired pogue who always made you curious to know his touch.

You loved Rafe, but you couldn’t deny how JJ Maybank made your panties wet without much more than that smirk, a smirk you wanted to ride into a new orgasm.

“I have one stipulation.” He added, catching your arm, as you’d made your way over to the bound surfer rat.

“You can come as many times as you want…but he doesn’t get to.”

You nodded, nearly bouncing on the balls of your feet, before moving towards your ‘gift’. Your fingers were careful to pull the blindfold off of his eyes as it took the blue irises a moment to adjust before narrowing to you.

“What the fuck is going on-” When his eyes focused on Rafe, he spat his familiar expletives that had your boyfriend clenching his fists and jaw, before you made your intentions known.

“Rafe is letting me play with you…” You explained as his eyes sharpened. JJ wasn’t blind. You were Rafe’s girl. Rafe’s sexy, bold, and reckless girl. But still Rafe’s girl. For that, he wasn’t stupid enough to look at you, let alone touch you. Not that he had much of a choice as he was kept in place by the binds forced by your boyfriend.

“I’ve always been curious, JJ…” Your fingers were at his belt, forcing him from his restraints as he cursed and clenched before feeling his cock wrapped by your small but endearing motions.

“Now Rafe is letting me play with you, only if you don’t come…and I don’t want to disobey him…we both know how he can get…” Rafe rolled his eyes as you would look back at him with a smirk, all while pumping JJ.

“Fuck…” JJ groaned, your thumb brushing over his cock’s head and taking the precum to your lips.

“He’s so good, Rafe…But I want both of you.” Rafe and JJ both looked at each other with hatred, but mutual lust for you.

“I said, both.” JJ smirked at how Rafe obeyed, moving to your side as he dismantled his jeans and brought his cock to view. The grin was from the way you had both of them wrapped around your fingers without much more than a gaze from lustful eyes and simple commands they never believed they would acquiesce to in any circumstances. But never before had either of them known a girl like you.

You took Rafe in your mouth, giving him the commitment a boyfriend deserved, especially one who went to lengths such as him. But the way you held JJ in your grasp with fervent focus was enough to nearly accommodate the divided focus. Your ambition continued as both men found pleasure at your guidance, leaving you to grin while biting your bottom lip in a break for breath, at the idea of such power held by their submission.

“Shit…” Rafe breathed as JJ groaned, your body needy for some form of gratification for yourself.

“I know you’re both selfish, but are either of you even going to try to offer to take care of me?” You teased as they both went to speak, JJ’s motions actually forcing the chair into motion, as you were piqued by his desperation.

“Since I already know how good you give it to me, baby…I want to feel how he does…”

“If he comes-” Rafe warned you as you kissed your boyfriend for validation as JJ felt torn between his already fragile morality as he watched the girl who was about to ride his cock now kiss someone else-and not just someone else…a nemesis to his own breed of poverty. But the way you sauntered to him left any reservation at bay while you sunk yourself onto him without anything more than a second’s preparation.

“Oh my God!” You breathed, his foreign stretch making you wince as Rafe’s eyes narrowed to you.

“He better?” Rafe spat with a scoff as you shook your head ‘no’, aware that nobody could compare to Rafe, but JJ was certainly some competition. Even if JJ was bigger, you’d never tell Rafe as you knew it would keep you from getting what you wanted, so you kept your eyes to Rafe while you rode the cock of his enemy,

“Fuck!”

“I mean it, Maybank, you fucking come and I”ll…I’ll hurt Kie-yeah, yeah, yeah…I’ll hurt Kie…”

He clenched his jaw to repress the need to oppose while you diverted your focus from your boyfriend long enough to adore JJ’s straining.

“I thought you’d be able to take a bit more…Kinda disappointed-”

“Untie my fucking hands then and I’ll show you just how much I can take.” He spat behind clenched teeth.

“Would you, baby?” You looked at Rafe. “Please?” He let out a sigh. “I’ll give you some attention, I promise.” He nodded and moved behind JJ, unlatching only one of his hands.

“I don’t trust you, pogue..this is the best you’ll get…Make her happy or I’ll break every finger.”

“Not until I know how they feel-” JJ forced you to kiss him, making Rafe’s jaw clench enough to rattle his teeth into a break, but your eyes flashing back to him in a silent promise was enough to keep him from acting out.

“Untie him, baby…I’m gonna take both of you…” You withdrew from JJ, making him gasp for the sudden absence of your walls keeping his cock warm, as Rafe cut JJ’s other hand free with the pocket knife he held as a warning to the pogue, before both men followed you like mindless slaves.

“Come here…” You invited them both on the bed.

“Don’t you think it’s time you two got along?” They looked at each other before JJ glared.

“I’m not touching him, no matter how badly I need to-” His words were interrupted by your hand to his cock.

“No. I want your attention on me. But I don’t want to worry about one of you strangling the other while I’m in the middle of coming from one of you. So you make nice or neither of you get to come. Is it worth the feud?” You now took Rafe in your other hand, prompting him to consider your words.

“Tell me what I want to hear, boys…”

“Fine-”

“Yeah…” Rafe groaned following JJ’s ill-timed agreement prior to his own.

“Good…Now, take me how I like it baby…and watch me not let him come…” You angled your ass to the other side of the bed as Rafe was quick to oblige, lifting your hips at the same level of his own while you took JJ back into your mouth, your hands reliant on the bed at his side.

“Don’t come.” You warned before he would be allowed the mercy of your mouth while you moaned against him, vibrations making his eyes roll while Rafe battered into you.

“I want to touch you-” JJ groaned. “Need to-”

“Can he?” You turned back to Rafe, watching his teeth tighten as it was clear that any action not focusing on him was one that would take convincing. For that, you rolled your hips for him as his brought him into a nod.

“Touch me, JJ…” You felt his hands reach to your naked breasts, made that way just prior to his actions, as he breathed deeply.

“I’m gonna come, baby-” Rafe warned, your moans having been his focus.

“On my back. Put me on my back.” You retracted from JJ as Rafe spun you onto your back and sheathed into you once again. For a moment, you left JJ in abandon as he clenched his teeth at the sight of your eyes finding him beneath your orgasmic expressions.

“You want to fuck me, JJ?”

“Not a chance!” Rafe clenched.

“Baby…” You warned your boyfriend, making him aware you held the power even if he could have easily bent you to his will.

“Please…It might make me squirt…” You spoke prior to pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as JJ cursed at the thought.

“He doesn’t get to come inside you…got me?” You nodded as Rafe moved from you.

“What are you waiting for….pogue?” You teased JJ as he turned you to face him. As badly as he wanted to thrust into you and risk Rafe’s wrath by filling you to the brim with the cum you endorsed, he was more eager to know you could make his enemy’s girlfriend feel pleasure. For that, he wanted to witness your expressions, every oval made of your lips, and every chill of your skin from him. But the need to prove something to Rafe lifted his narrowed gaze to him, setting you to redirect his focus.

“You want to fuck him, I’d let it happen.” JJ’s face twisted in disapproval of your comment, “Then focus on ME.” He quickened his pulses as you looked at Rafe.

“That what you want, hm?”

“Rafe? RAFE!” JJ groaned at the lack of his name from your lips, but the way you clenched around him was enough to distract him.

“I want to watch you come…I never get to…Please..”

He hesitated, glaring at JJ.

“I can’t until you do…and I need to, Rafe…please…” You bit your bottom lip.

“Fuck…” He groaned, beginning to stroke himself as you motioned him closer. By some perfectly timed precision, both men were brimming to their release rather quickly, warning you of this as you took JJ from between your legs, both of them now being pumped into your hand and towards your chest.

“I’m gonna fucking come right now!” Rafe warned as JJ grunted.

“I can’t hold it!” JJ warned.

“Come. Both of you…RIGHT NOW!” You demanded as they buckled, spurts of cum coating your chest and down your breasts as you used your dominant hand to mix it together before bringing it to your lps.

“Even better together.” You smirked, “So who’s gonna make me come now?” As if orchestrated to do just this, JJ moved to your clit with his fingers as Rafe had you pulled over his shoulders.

“You both take such good care of me…” JJ and Rafe couldn’t fight a smirk when looking at each other through this, “Isn’t it better to work together? For me?”

“For you…” JJ answered for Rafe as his tongue was busy at sex, extended inside of you as he sucked viciously to swallow your coming release.

“I’m so close!”

“Come for Rafe, sweetheart…I want you to drown him for me, okay?” Rafe glared towards JJ, who was beaming, while your breasts were fondled by someone who wasn’t him. Meanwhile, you basked being fought over as you climbed closer and closer to that high.

“I could come all over you again, princess…coat every inch of you, so fucking sexy covered in me-”

“US-” Rafe corrected with a growl.

“Sorry. Us.” JJ rolled his eyes as you brought your cum stained fingers to JJ’s mouth. He sucked them clean, focusing on your taste and not that of his own or Rafe’s, as your face contorted for him.

“Gonna come?” He asked as you nodded, Rafe pulling himself even deeper into you, ditching his tongue when you began to shake, and instead using two fingers spread to your g-spot.

“I think we deserve to know…” Rafe nodded, actually agreeing with JJ as you couldn’t help but illuminate at how you brought the enemies together with teh power of your sex.

“I’m gonna come!”

“Now?” Rafe teased.

“RIGHT NOW! OH MY GOD! FUCK!”

“God, she sounds so pretty, so desperate…no wonder you’d even let her fuck me to make her happy…” JJ teased Rafe, who smirked. As this was the truth, Rafe would do anything for you to make you happy. Even if it meant watching you fuck a pogue…

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae @camilynn @bethoconnor @belcalis9503 @pankhoeforlife @pankowperfection

#rafecameronfanfiction #rafecameron x reader #rafecameron #rafe cameron #rafe x y/n #rafe cameron smut #jjmaybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank smut #jj maybank #outerbanks #obx #outer banks smut #obxsmut #obx fanfiction #outer banks

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k2padfoot · 2 years

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hi babes!!

it’s been awhile since i’ve written anything worthy of posting for you all ): life’s been crazy and i’ve been stuck between 3 different imagines. I’d like to eventually finish each but the writers block is hell lmao. i was hoping to get your opinions on which you’d like to read most for some inspiration!

JJ Maybank x Y/n: Rafe & Barry take you captive in return for the cross.

Rafe Cameron x Y/n: Your boyfriend Rafe had been in recovery for awhile now but that doesn’t mean relapses can’t happen when you least expect it.

JJ Maybank x Y/n: JJ goes hiatus making go over to his house in a panic. When you get there you realize a bad fight has gone down between JJ and Luke and somewhere in between you comforting JJ you’re hit with a bullet.

comment 1, 2, or 3 pls!!🤍🤍🤍

#jjmaybank #obx fic #jj fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #rafe cameron #rafe cameron fic #rafe x reader #jj x y/n #outer banks fanfiction #reply post

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backtotheshitshow · 1 year

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Taking requests:

-Dean Winchester

- Ethan Landry (scream 6)

- Wally Clark (school spirits)

- Peter Parker (The Amazing Spider-Man)

-Pietro Maximoff (Age of Ultron)

- JJ Maybank ( outer banks)

-James Potter ( Marauders era )

-Remus Lupin (Marauders era)

-Sirius Black (Marauders era)

- Dave Lizwiski (kick-ass)

- Sebastian Sallow (hogwarts legacy)

Masterlist

May add more to the list later

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babeydollx · 1 month

Note

If you are the author of the JJ Maybank “Safe with You” I have to say I’ve been reading fanfics for like 10+ years and that was the best EVER!!!!!! I was so heartbroken when I couldn’t find the link to it 😭😭😭 PLEASE bring it back to life! 🫶🏻🙏🏻

Safe With You | JJ Maybank

୨୧ Warnings: Cursing, smut, angst, soft!sex, unprotected sex, soft!JJ, abuse, violence, has a fluffy ending, 18+ MDNI.

୨୧ Pairings: JJ Maybank x Female Kook Reader

୨୧ Summary: In which JJ helps his girlfriend get away from his father when she goes over to his home to see him.

୨୧ Word Count: 1.5k

୨୧ Author's Note: ahhh, tysm for the sweet comments! I'm so sorry about the link thing, my links have been broken recently because of a recent username change but I am working on fixing them all. In the meantime, here's the fic, I decided to repost it <3

I arrived at JJ's house to see him. JJ and I rarely got time to see eachother since we were on different sides of the island. My parents always had me busy with some shit all the time. It was exhausting and annoying.

I never had time for JJ anymore and I hated it. So, I decided that I would surprise him at his house to see him. I missed him so much and I knew that he missed me too. I couldn't wait to see JJ again and be in his arms.

I walked up to the house and knocked on the door. I waited for a minute or two but there was no answer. I could hear movement inside of the house so I knew that someone had to be home. You decided to try and open the door.

When I turned the door knob the door easily opened. I slowly walked inside and looked around. The house was messy and I could smell beer and weed. As I looked around, I jumped when I herd glass shatter.

What the hell was going on? Was JJ okay? Was someone trying to hurt him? Millions of questions and thoughts flooded my head as I looked for JJ. The sounds were coming from the backyard. I dashed out to the backyard to see JJ on the ground with an older man on top of him and punching him.

"Stop! Stop hurting him! Please!" I screamed as I ran over to the two men in the backyard. I couldn't pull the older man of of JJ so I grabbed a empty beer bottle off of the ground and smashed it over his head.

Luke stopped punching JJ and got dizzy before collapsing on the ground. JJ sat up on the ground and looked over at me in shock.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" JJ asked.

"I- I came to see you.." I said.

"Didn't I tell you to not come here?" He asked.

"You did but, it had been so long since I saw you so I thought I could surprise you. I didn't expect for any of this to happen. Who is he? Why was he hurting you?" You asked.

"He's, uhm... he's my dad." JJ mumbled.

"He's your father?!" I asked in shock. JJ nodded. "Why would he hurt you?!" I yelled.

"I don't know. Cause he is constantly drunk and high I guess." He shrugged. "I'm use to it by now, he's been doing it for years." JJ said. I could feel tears pooling in my eyes. This was absolutely heartbreaking. How could a parent do this to their child?

Before I could say anything else to JJ, someone tackled me to the ground harshly. I screamed when it happened.

"GET OFF OF HER!" JJ yelled. Luke was on top of me. I tried to fight Luke off but he began to hit me hard. I screamed and cried more as he continued to hit me. I could hear JJ yelling and trying to pull his father off of me.

Finally, JJ had got Luke off of me and began to beat the shit out of Luke. I scrambled to my feet and watched the scene go down. I could feel tears streaming down my face still and I was in pain. After a few minutes of JJ beating Luke up, he finally got off of him and ran over to me.

He hugged me and I hid my face in his chest. I finally felt safe. I knew that even if Luke woke up again that JJ would keep me safe, he would make sure that Luke wouldn't hurt me again or worse.

"Are you okay, Y/N?!" JJ asked worried as he checked me for any terrible injuries.

"I'm okay." I said with a sniffle and nodded.

"I am so sorry that this happened to you. You shouldn't have had to see any of this." JJ said with a frown as he hugged me again.

"I'm sorry that you have had to go through this for years.." I said with a frown. "Why didn't you tell me this was happening to you?" I asked.

"Because I didn't want you to worry. This isn't your burden to bare, Y/N.." He said.

"JJ.. we're a team. You can tell me anything and everything, okay? Whatever you are dealing with, I want to be there for you to help you." I said. JJ nodded slowly. "Anyways, did you want to stay the night at my place tonight? My parents are out of town so we have the house to ourselves." I said with a smile.

"That would be nice. Thanks, Y/N." He said with a smile.

"Anytime." I said as JJ and I get ready to go to my house.

We arrived at my house and went inside together. I got both of us a water bottle and then we both went upstairs to my bedroom. I gave him his water bottle and sat down on the bed beside him and we talked for a while. After we both chatted for a bit, we both went silent not knowing what to do next.

"So, what now?" I asked looking over at JJ. He sat there thinking for a moment before looking back over at me. A smirk spread across his face.

"I have a few ideas." He said with a smirk. Before I could ask him any questions he kissed me passionately. I kissed back, melting into the kiss. The was he kissed me was magical. He always knew how to make me feel a certain way without even trying.

As we made out, he gently pushed me down onto my back onto the bed. I ran my hands through his soft, blond hair as the two of us made out. Once we got both of our clothes off and out of the way, JJ was positioning himself between my legs.

I held onto his shoulders tightly and sucked in a breath as JJ slowly pushed inside of me. I gasped and moaned out softly. He groaned quietly as he bottomed out. He then began to thrust into me.

I gently threw my head back and groaned out. I held onto him tightly as he fucked into me, slowly picking up the pace. He continued to slowly pick up the pace until he was fucking me at an ungodly pace.

I moaned out even louder than I did before. I arched my back off of the bed and moaned out, almost screaming at this point. I could feel that familiar knot bubbling in the bottom of my stomach and I knew that I was going to cum any second now. I then clenched around JJ, signaling to him that I was going to cum.

"Fuck, you gonna cum, princess?" He asked as he groaned out.

"Yes, fuck! I'm gonna fucking cum!" I yelled.

"Come on, cum for me." JJ said. With that my eyes rolled back and my legs began to shake as I came hard on JJ's hard cock. He thrusted into me a few more times before coming himself, shooting his load deep inside of me.

JJ pulled out of me and I laid their trying to catch my breath. He laid down beside me and he was also trying to catch his breath. After we both took some time to come down from that, JJ smiled and gently pulled me over and snuggled me.

I giggled when he did so. I always loved to be in JJ's arms. He always made me feel so safe. We both laid there together and talked for awhile while we were tangled in each other's arms. After we both talked and snuggled, we both fell asleep together.

I woke up the next morning to see that JJ was no longer in bed with me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes before looking around my bedroom. No sign of JJ. As I was about to go look around the house for JJ, I saw a note on my bedside table.

I took the note off of the table and unfolded it before reading it.

Thanks for letting me stay the night at your house, Y/N. Again, I am so sorry that you had to witness all of that yesterday and go through that. I promise I will come back later, I just have a few things to sort out with my dad. I love you, Y/N.

- JJ

I smiled at the note that JJ left me. I thought it was so sweet that he had decided to write me a note. I missed JJ so much already but, I couldn't wait to see JJ again.

Author's Note: tysm for reading, lovies!

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grapejuicestyless · 6 months

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Linger Like A Tattoo Kiss

JJ Maybank x fem!reader

Summery: After running away from a long term relationship to chase after a summer fling, JJ is left with the pieces of what once was. He can try to get it back, but at the end of the day JJ always fucks up.(Inspired by the folklore love triangle and Normal People.)

“I really hated you for a while.”

Crickets fill the void of silence, a puff of smoke dancing from the old pot beside her, a cigarette squished out in her wilting daffodils. Her hands fist at the hems of her sweater, pulling it impossibly closer to her body, stretching out the stitching and crossing her arms to keep it in place.

“I saw a girl walk by hand in hand with this boy. He had lipstick all over his face, and I felt bad for the girl, I really did, and I had no reason to. They seemed happy enough to have each other, no wandering eyes or anything like that. I guess they just reminded me of us y’know? With the kissing and all that. Figured if we were once like that, who’s to say he won’t go and hurt her too? It’s a real cruel thing to assume, I suppose. To think love is damned just because it was for us.”

“Don’t say that.” She says it so casually that I almost miss the tears in her eyes she blinks at rapidly.

“Well we were.” She laughs bitterly.

“You always did have a wandering eye. Thought it was just people watching because I thought I knew you. It’s probably for the best that I don’t, you and your reckless thinking but you know, strangers don’t kiss like that. Almost makes me feel bad for you that in our entire life together I knew nothing about you, but then I remember what you did and I feel better for it.”

She looks up from her feet which have been crossed underneath her this whole time, shoulders pressed against the old doorframe of her even older house.

“So why are you here, JJ?” She finally asks, cardigan falling from under her arms and her fists pulling down her jean pockets.

“Why’d you answer?”

Nodding slowly, she thinks about it, smiling to herself before scooting over the threshold and swinging the door by its rusting handle.

My hand spreads flat against the chipped yellow paint, an old mark left behind from where the mail box used to be before people stopped sending letters and the metal rusted right off of the wood.

“P-please! Please, Y/n/n.”

Looking at her watching me, I see that she doesn’t hate me like she said she did, not anymore. But she doesn’t love me and I can see that too. It’s like I’m nonexistent to her, neither good nor bad.

“I know I hurt you, believe me I do. I just need you to hear me now so I can explain myself.”

“I’ll never love you again, if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t expect you to. I just hope you’ll hear me and understand that I still do.” The screen door that separated the wooden one and the humid outdoors shook the whole frame of the house when it slammed shut again, her bare feet padding across the splintering wood to lead me away from her front steps.

“I haven’t seen you in months, JJ. You had all summer to make me see you and you wait until August is over? Did you enjoy spending July a bachelor too much or did you forget about me when you were six shots deep at the boneyard?” She tries to spin her anger like it’s a joke, but when she turns her head I can still see the twitching of her bottom lip. She pulls the soft flesh between her teeth to keep it still.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me.” She laughs.

“You were right.” I smile back at her, but it’s strained.

“Would it be wrong of me to blame it on my father?” I ask only half serious, hands stuffed in my front pockets and feet dragging in the dirt next to hers.

“I don’t think it would be wrong. Manipulative, maybe, but not wrong.”

“Well it’s true.” She scoffs, rolling her eyes away from me.

“You don’t believe me?” I ask, eyebrows furrowed.

“I think it can be half true. Maybe, if what you claim is the reason, your father did influence you to do what you did, but he did not make you do it. You did.”

Looking at her, though she sounded like she was smiling, I find that she was not. She even looked distant, detached from the conversation and uninterested at best.

“I don’t need to tell you how he gets, but I owe it to you to explain it to you now.” She stops just short of the old hammock strung from a big oak tree and a weaker dead one. It reminds me of the one back at the chateau, only more well loved and faded than John B’s.

“You don’t owe me shit.” She acts tough but she doesn’t move either and it tells me that she really does want to listen. At least part of her, anyway.

“Usually I don’t believe the shit he says. He’s a bitter drunk, he won’t even remember what he was thinking in an hour. But when he brought up your name, I don’t know, I couldn’t not buy it a little bit.” I scratch my arm and she says nothing.

“I mean, what would he know about young love? Abusive fuck with an absent wife, no love in his bitter old heart for his only blood but damn it beats when he’s beating on me. Guess I saw myself in him, to be honest. I’m always angry, and I’ve gotten better at hiding it but I’m furious just the same. I’m afraid I’ll inherit more than his temper, I’m already halfway to being knee deep in my own shit.”

She rolls her lips between her teeth, breathing out calmly.

“I don’t feel bad for you, JJ. I wish I did, I really do, but I just can’t. You’re a nice boy, you have decent morals and a good group of friends. It’s evident in you, no matter where you get it from. You are a bad person, I won’t lie to you and tell you, you aren’t because you are. Maybe I do feel bad for you then, but not because of what you’ve done but because you’re just now realizing it.”

“Y/n/n.”

“Look, you told me to listen and I have. You told me your half but I don’t owe you any of mine. You broke it, you don’t get the privilege of fixing it.”

When she turns on her heals I can see the dirt caked onto the bottom of her feet and I can feel it too. The same feeling of running wild when you’re still so young and naive to the real world and all its issues. I can feel the dirt between my own toes even if it’s not there.

“I won’t stop trying, you know.” I call out flatly.

“I already told you, I’ll never love you again JJ. I meant it.” She sighs heavily, spinning to walk backwards.

“I don’t need you to love me, I just need you to like me again. And I won’t stop it until we laugh like we used to.”

She doesn’t talk, but I catch her smile. It looks like shes not with the way her face scrunches in the fading sunlight but her lips are too upturned for her to not be.

“You came back.”

“I told you I would.” I smile with half my teeth, a toothpick dangling from my bottom lip and a new cut caked in dried blood evening it out on the top half.

“You were never one to keep your promises.” She talks from the windowsill by the kitchen. I can see her knees just under her chest and her socks scrunched up. She’s got her bottom on the counter and some baby carrots between her fingers drenched in ranch. Crunching away at them and double dipping.

“Maybe all this heartbreak has you losing your mind. I never broke any promises, I can promise you that Y/n/n.”

“You promised to always love me.” My confidence falters, she’s got a winning smirk and her knees beneath her now. Her elbows sit on the wooden frame and her head leans over the window to talk to me more clearly.

“Who said I stopped?”

I had her, I could see it in her eyes that I had her.

Y/n was never the strongest willed person I knew, but she had dignity and lots of loyalty that made her tough to crack. Even then, years of friendship built as a foundation for a long term relationship and a steady heartbeat in her chest made it hard to stop contact all together, even if she knew it was for the best. Which is why I knew I could crack her eventually, just not this quickly.

“Well,” she sighs, throwing her legs off of the counter to rinse her dishes in the sink. Her shorts are wet on the hems from the pooling water she sat on and her shirt is faded from the sun and the quick dry cycle on her dryer, “I guess I’m the one who couldn’t keep that promise then.”

“You don’t love me?”

“J,” she breathes heavy through her nose, “I loved you for so long, even before you knew. God, I think if you weren’t so blind you could have seen it too. You might as well have hung the stars and the moon for me. I loved so hard for so long. What we had, JJ, what we have done. We’ve done so much good for one another.” She sighs, hopping back up into her previous spot and leaning in just a little closer so she can rest her head on the windows frame. Her leg dangles outside of the house and her arms wrap around the knee of the other tightly. She looks smaller like this and I can see the darkness in her eyes clearer now.

“What if I never move on?”

The question lingers in the air like the cigarette smoke that danced in the sky last night.

“I can’t make you feel something you don’t. I guess that’s the scary part. I can keep reminding you of what you did and you’ll never quit, will you?”

I shake my head.

“You know I love you.” My elbows rest against the wooden plank underneath the bend of her knee. If I lean too close my thumb would brush against her skin and she’d surely run.

“And I know it’s hypocritical for me to say when all is done is done, but there is no girl, no person that will ever make me feel the same way as I do for you.”

It falls silent between us and I can see now that her sad smile has turned into a frown, like some guilt has started to eat at her when she has nothing to feel sorry for.

“I’ll stay.” I hum softly, a quiet promise just between us, “And I’ll never leave again. You don’t have to love me like you once did, but I do think you make me a better person.”

“And if I go?” She mumbles back, eyebrows relaxing into her sunken face and slouched posture. She looks tired, a whirlwind of a spring leading into the fall taking all her old charm from her aching bones.

“Then I’ll follow you. Wherever you go, I’ll be there and we’ll be okay.”

She looks at me unsure, unbelieving and she’s smart for it. There’s not a thing I’ve proven to her that shows her I’m reliable, not a bone in my body has the ability to be that for her all the time. But I’d like to be if she’d let me again. And I would fuck it up this time.

“It’s over now, anyway. I guess it’s a stupid question to have asked when there no point to it. Guess I just wanted to know the answer. Make me feel better.”

That was the thing about Y/n, she always spoke her mind full and true no matter what. She doesn’t need to tell me why she’s said something but she always does. Even if she hasn’t done anything like she’s done now. When we were dating I thought it was because she could never stop talking, but looking back on it I guess she was never really loud. Only at parties and when she was scared. She rambles when she’s nervous I’ve realized, and I think it’s funny because it also means she can’t lie because either way the truth will come out.

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be.”

Silence fills the space between us again, her body fidgeting at how close we’ve gotten, breaking her unwritten rule of keeping me at an arms length.

I can see her fingertips searching for her old lighter and her pack of cigarettes. She was never really a smoker, only doing what everyone else had done but I assumed she had picked up the habit while I was away. It made me sad in a sense, not because they were being used, but because she had always been that girl in middle school who would keep them away from all of us. Weed? Sure! But she was smarter than me and most of the other kids who were broke and just wanted some relief, so I guess my heart just hurts seeing how she doesn’t really care anymore.

“Do you want one?” I shake my head no.

“Since when do you smoke?”

“Since when do you care?” The paper is between her lips, balancing on the sticky pink lipgloss she’s coated on her lips.

I shrug, looking at her manicured hands, delicate and smooth cupping around the end where the flame lights just below the end of the cigarette to keep the wind from blowing it out.

“Just didn’t read you as someone who would.” She laughs.

“Yeah, I was kind of stuck up when we were younger, huh?”

“I don’t think thats the right word.” She looks at me, taking the stick away from her mouth and tipping her head back to blow the smoke out.

“What word would you use then?” She smiles down at her hand, rubbing her wrists down her legs and her cheek against her knees.

“Careful, probably.”

She sticks out her tongue, groaning and sitting back against the window frame.

“Might as well call me boring then, right? Can see why you would want to run away with someone so much more…exciting.” She rolls her eyes playfully, lifting the cigarette back to her lips.

“How many more times are you going to say it?” My fingers wrap around the stick, lifting it to my own lips and covering the mark her own had made before putting it out against the back of my hand.

“Me saying it less won’t make it any less true.”

Maybe a smart ass would be the right word to call her. Heartbreak be damned, she was always quick on her tongue only now she had motivation to shoot for the kill.

“Have a nice night, JJ.” Her legs swing over to the cool counter tops where she scoots herself down and back onto the floor. I can see she’s wearing a baby blue bra when she bends over to shut the window, not that I was looking, and she smiles unenthusiastically until she’s turned the corner out of my sight.

“You’d think after a month of this you’d be bored.” She laughs, mittens covering her fingers and a soft cardigan over her heavy sweatshirt. Her nose is numbing from the cold and the grass is crunching underneath the winter frost.

“I could never be bored of you, Y/n/n.”

She opens her mouth to speak, but bites her tongue with a gentle smile. Her cheeks glow and her eyes avoid looking into mine. The plants by her feet are long gone, only weeds that have frozen left behind among the cigarette stubs from all of our small talk by her windows and on her porch. Even with the constant sweeping, we’ve both picked up on the habit and we burn through them each meeting.

“Well, I’m not so sure about that.” She laughs more to herself than to me, hands crossed under her arms and shoulder pressed against the door.

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know, I suppose I’m just not all that interesting of a person. Not much about me that makes me special.”

Theres a bitter windchill that weaves its way between us and a relentless shiver that travels up my spine and down to my fingertips.

“Well I think you’re plenty interesting.” I smile proudly, almost foolishly at her and wait for her reaction.

She only hums with a puff through her nose and nods, and when her eyes flicker back up to mine they seem a little bit more focused in on me than before.

“I think you’re very pretty too, by the way.”

She laughs again, holding her index under her nose and crinkling her eyes.

“Don’t.” She braces herself further into the doorway and lulls her head back for a moment before coming back.

“Well it’s true!”

“I would hope so, I mean we were together for, how long?”

I fake offense that she doesn’t have the days counted down like I do. Years to months to days to hours to seconds, I have it all calculated in my head.

“You’re relentless, do you know that JJ?”

“I’ve been told a few times, yes.” It’s my turn to laugh, shifting from the heals of my feet to the balls of my toes. I shove my hands deep into my pockets and pray she doesn’t see the blue of my lips and send me home.

It goes quiet for a brief moment, our breathing pausing in our throats and the cold air releasing foggy puffs through the parts of our lips. It doesn’t get as cold as it would up in New England here, but the frost still nips away at the thin skin I’ve grown and bites at the tips of my fingers and the bottoms of my toes.

“How’s Pope doing?” Her breathing has gone heavy again.

I know she’s specifically asked for Pope because he’s the only one who truly saw my faults. John B and Sarah far too woven into their own web of unfaithfulness and Kiara too unbothered to care. Pope was always the most sensible out of us, so when I came home after nearly half a decade unfazed and claiming to have ended things without solid grounds to stand on, he let me have it. In his dad’s truck, specifically.

Driving downtown to the rich side of the island with bags of groceries slung over each shoulder and the bumps in the road shaking the plastic outrageously loud. I told him first, and part of me knew he would see my mistakes and call them out, but I hadn’t and I didn’t want to. I’d never seen him so mad, threatening to pull over if I didn’t make things right.

You can’t force a person to love someone forever, and you can’t force a person to change their behavior if they can’t see it’s broken. Pope couldn’t have done anything to make me go back. If I had, I would have faced her teary eyes and sad smile telling me that she was alright as long as I was well. She believed me when I said we were better for it, and sometimes I wished that I had picked a girl who could fight.

“He’s well. His dad too, actually. Started making deliveries to the far side of the island to make more money. By this time next year hopefully he’ll be on his way to college.”

“Well, he always was the smart one.”

She smiles underneath her mitten clad hand, looking at her feet.

“We all got lucky, you know? Having someone like him around. It’ll be weird without him around so often anymore.” My thumbs press harder into the bottoms of my pockets to savor the warmth radiating from my thighs.

“I like Pope, he always was my favorite.”

I nod, smiling into the silence again.

“Is he still your best friend, then?” She asks plainly, not really looking for much of an answer.

“No.”

She cocks her head, leaning all of her weight into the wooden door frame.

“Why’s that then? Has John B finally made you lose your mind?”

She never really did like John B. He was loyal and she respected him for it, but he was just like me. He was good but he wasn’t a good person.

“No.” I answer again, trying to hide my growing smile, “You are.”

“That’s funny.”

“It wasn’t a joke.”

She laughs through her nose.

“Yeah well, we barely talk so, I don’t think I can be your best friend.”

“Well you are.”

“Well then thats sad.” She looks at me sympathetically, sticking out her bottom lip in a pout.

“I don’t get to do this with anyone else.”

“Do what?”

“This.” I motion with my hands. “Just sit and talk, even if it’s only for a moment. I guess I just feel better around you, I can’t explain it.”

She’s nodding her head thoughtfully at my words, pulling her mittens off and holding them in one hand carefully.

“JJ.”

I hum, looking up from where I’ve began to stare a hole into my boots.

“You should come in.”

“Okay.”

It’s been too long since I’ve smelled the warmth of the inside of her home. Soft vanilla mixed with the citrus and salt that can only be found in places surrounded by ocean. Yet, I can’t find this smell in any other place. Her perfume lingers beneath the surface of the smell but I can’t quite recall the name of it anymore. It drives me crazy when everything smells like her and I go mad wondering why I would have chased after another girl when I already had her.

“Sorry for the mess.” Her house is small, maybe just a bit smaller than mine but it’s nicer than mine.

She kicks a blanket that has fallen off of the arm of her plush couch into the corner, and I pick it up.

“No, it’s perfect.”

She laughs, opening the door to her room and situating herself underneath her worn in white bed sheets. I hesitate, unsure if she’s welcoming me in with her, though I wouldn’t mind just laying on the floor. She has this soft carpet by the side of her bed that would be comfortable enough for a short time. But to my surprise she does open the bedsheets, scooting over and letting me sit underneath the thick layers.

“I still don’t forgive you, by the way.” She mumbles as I climb in beside her, crossing her arms to prove something.

“I don’t expect you to.” I smile at her, and I catch her vaguely smiling back.

Sitting waist pressed to waist, the heavy comforter weighed down by her stack of blankets piled on top shifts into a tent as she crosses her legs. She pulls it up to her chest so she can hold it under her arms and I wonder how she’s not hot even in the winter chill. I can feel my own sweat sticking to my skin underneath my clothes. Her lighter flickers beside me, a ball of smoke tumbling past her lips before she passes it to me. She lights another for herself.

I laugh at a thought I have, but it comes out stiffed with the paper caught in my mouth.

“I bet you’d pretend not to know me if we bumped into each other.”

The smoke from the blunt I dangled between my fingers disperses into the air leaving a faint smell of weed behind in its wake. I can feel it on my teeth too when I smile.

She doesn’t say anything, staring at me with a gentle smile and serious eyes. Her watchful expression makes me realize how depressing my words were and how true they could be. I swallow, looking down at where the blankets have pooled in my lap.

“Sorry.”

“I would never pretend to not know you, JJ.” She looks at me honest.

“I don’t deserve that.” I confess to no one in particular. I just say it out loud as it comes to my mind and let the reality behind it sink in like a knife to the heart.

“You did bad things.” She swallows, “But you still stuck around after. You promised to make it right and you are. I guess what you’ve done doesn’t seem so bad to me now, even if it is, is what I’m trying to say. Compared to most people, you were actually pretty nice to me.” She smiles sadly and all I want to do is to wrap her in my arms and press soft kisses along the top of her head, but it’s no longer my place to do that and I’ve made it so.

“I wish it were different.”

“How?” She looks at me pitifully, water collecting on her lower lashes. I’m not sure where she’s put the burning paper, if it died between her manicured fingers or if she rubbed it out on one of the books beside her bed, but it’s no longer in her hands when her arms fall heavy against her duvet in defeat.

“I wish we never dated, at least not so soon.” It’s my turn to swallow now. “We would have been better for it. If we had grown up a little first.”

She shakes her head, looking back down at her covered lap.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

“I think we’d grow, but not by much. Growth doesn’t fully change a person and by facing adulthood I don’t think it would have made us end any differently. At the end of the day I’ll still turn to my cigarettes and you’ll still be drunk in the boneyard talking to some pretty tourist.”

“Well I like to think so.”

“And I think you’re naive for it.”

By now the smoke has dwindled down to fog around the room and the old blunt has died out between my index and my thumb.

“I would have done it differently.”

She hums, tell me more, it says.

“I would have bought you flowers. Not only on the special days but just because I love you. Wouldn’t need a reason to show it to you and I wouldn’t be stupid enough to run away from you either.”

I could list everything I could have done better for her endlessly but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s been done.

“We’re still so young, it’s hard to know where things start to go wrong.” She tries to reason, and our eyes avoid the others wearily.

Neither of us talk, listening to the whistling wind banging on the large windows and feeling the faint chill seeping through the walls.

“I don’t drink anymore.” She looks at me.

“Good for you.”

“I do stupid things when I get drunk, I get sloppy I suppose. Talk to people I shouldn’t, hate the wrong people and make everyone feel bad. I don’t really like that feeling. I don’t like being a bad person.” I confess, looking at her and remembering how she’s confirmed my deepest fears without knowing.

“You can be intense but eventually you mellow out and you’re okay again.” She shrugs.

“I know, and I know everybody knows I don’t mean it but if I can prevent it I will.”

She nods again, eyebrows furrowing and her teeth catching her bottom lip. She looks to me with a serious expression.

“What about you. Would you love me if you met me now?” She asks.

“I’ll always love you.”

“But if you didn’t know me, if you didn’t love me. If I was just some girl you’d seen on the beach or in town. Would you be able to love me then?”

“Eventually, yes.” I admit. “I like to think that in some fucked up way you were made for me.”

She smiles at that, picking at her nails shyly.

“Yeah?” She looks up at me with shy eyes.

“Yeah.”

The grass under my feet is soggy, but the warm sun beating down on our shoulders slowly dries it and the dripping leaves above us too. It wasn’t a long winter, but it never really is here. Spring had rolled around just a few months ago with endless showers and relentless sunshine following behind it. Pollen dances in the air in a heavy dusting and the bees have begun picking out the prettiest flowers and the early summer air hangs humid around us.

“You disappeared for a while.” Her hands fold underneath her elbows. She’s swapped out her heavy cardigans for graphic baby tees and faded jeans. Her hair is lighter now than it was in the winter, and she has more freckles on her face.

“It’s only been a few weeks.” She looks at me and I swear I can’t read her so I clear my throat.

“I picked up some shifts with Pope. Trying to save up some money so I can finally do something with myself I guess. You know, I was never really the smartest with my money.” She laughs.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be annoying. Just…missed you is all.” She smiles up at me with a look I haven’t seen in some time.

“You could never be annoying.”

“It’s funny because I was over here thinking that you probably hate me. It’s kind of pathetic because you weren’t really gone for long, but you’re really the only person who still talks to me.”

She leans back against the old wood of her house, her face finding shade underneath the small overhang of her porch.

“I never hated you. I could never hate you. I think you’re really awesome.” I confess and it makes me feel a rush when I say it.

Y/n swallows hard and I can see her smile falter when she looks back up.

“Well…I like you.”

“I like you too.”

She smiles at me and I can’t tell if it’s the birth of exclusivity or friendship blossoming between us.

“I wish I could read your mind.” She mumbles out, stepping closer.

“Why?”

“You’re confusing.”

“Well, I don’t think I am. Maybe you’re confusing yourself.”

“No, it’s definitely you.” She smiles.

“I saw Kiara last week, while you were away. I thought about asking about you but then I figured it might have been weird because it wasn’t really my business. But then I noticed she was wearing my old shirt. I knew it was mine because I used to leave it at your house when we would fall asleep before I could crawl out the window. I never took it back and she was wearing it.” She breathed through her nose, “I guess I was just confused why you kept it. I mean, we agreed that we were better for it, you were so convinced that if we saw other people we would be so much happier. You saw another girl all summer, so I guess it just confused me why you wouldn’t have tossed it.”

“Maybe I wanted an excuse to see you again.”

“See, you’re confusing.”

“I don’t get your point.”

She huffs, hanging her shoulders and rolling her eyes.

“Someone who falls in love with someone else doesn’t keep their ex girlfriend’s shirt, they don’t worry about the next time they’ll run into each other.”

“Maybe I was just being a good friend.” I shrug, smiling as I stuff my hands into my pockets.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what!” I throw my arms up playfully and I can see how hard she’s fighting against a smile.

“Well were you? Being a good friend, that is?”

I shrug.

“Maybe, I’m not sure. I mean, I guess I never really thought about throwing it out because I was so used to you being there. You never said you wanted it back so, I never asked you. It’s funny too because when Kiara found it, she told me the same thing. She said it was stupid of me to keep something that wasn’t mine and took it. But I guess she didn’t have the heart to give it back to you either.” I find myself rambling.

“What if I wanted it back now?”

“Well do you?”

She shakes her head and all of our words seem to die on our tongues.

“She never stayed the night, by the way.”

“What?”

“The girl, the one I saw this summer.”

“Oh.” I see her cringing at the mere mention of the girl, Amanda, I think was her name but the whole summer was a drunken blur and the only times I ever saw her was after I was six shots deep and in need of a distraction.

After a five day bender and the hard reality of sobriety I came to my senses, she was nothing more than sex. Still, explaining that to Y/n wouldn’t have helped my case. It would have only made both of us feel bad. I left her for another girl who I didn’t even really like and nobody knew why.

“I don’t think it’s important, but I thought you’d want to know.”

“I’m not mad anymore, about her.”

“Well are you still hurt?” She looks at me through her lashes, index fingers picking at the skin around her thumbs.

“Sorry, stupid question.”

“It doesn’t hurt as much anymore.”

“But I still hurt you?”

“JJ.” She sighs, hands finding their way around her stomach.

“I still feel like kicking myself every time I think about it. You were always so good to me, you are. You let me into your house and you give me all these chances even after I fucked it all up. I don’t know why I did it, and I hate myself for it everyday.”

It goes silent for what feels like the millionth time today.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” She looks at me carefully, fingers pulling at the fabric around her waist like it’s suffocating her.

“I don’t expect you to say anything.”

She nods, “Okay.”

“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

Theres a pause, and her eyes move back like she’s thinking really hard for her answer.

“I already have.”

Her words don’t give me the clarity I hoped they would. In fact, they make me feel worse. Even after I hurt her, left her alone for something not even half as good. I played two girls in the span of three months and I paid little to no consequences. She let me show her how sorry I was when she shouldn’t have and now all I can picture is her sorry face when I told her it was over for the first time.

“Do you think I’m naive for it?” She asks quietly.

“For forgiving me?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “For falling in love with you again.” I don’t know how to answer her when she consistently leaves me speechless.

“I don’t know.” I look her, hoping to find an answer. “How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know, thats my issue. I can look back on something and think I know what I felt at the time but, I don’t know. When it’s actually happening, I guess I have no idea how I feel or how to think.”

“Then how do you know you love me?”

“I don’t know. I never have a clue. I guess I just feel different around you than most people. But it’s not as obvious as other people make it sound, it’s the little things.” She confesses.

“I can tell you how I feel, if that would help.”

“Okay.” She nods.

I take a second to gather what I have to say in an effort to avoid some sort of word vomit from spewing out, but it’s to no avail.

“I thought you were shy when I first met you. Normally for me, I wouldn’t stick around for long because even with talkative people I find myself annoying. I hate the sound of my voice after some time. I figured I’d grow tired of my own voice quickly with you.”

Y/n looks at me, trying to figure me out.

“But you’re really not all that shy, you’re just careful. You think before you speak and maybe that’s why you don’t do a lot of it. Because you know what and when to say things and what sounds bad before you say it. You never know how you feel, but you know what you think and I think thats twice as important. Our conversations were different because of that. I could talk for hours and because I was talking to you I never focused on the sound of my voice or how tired I was of hearing it, I only thought of you. I guess that’s the scary part of it all, falling in love, that is. You don’t know you’ve done it until you try to think of something else and you realize you haven’t even tried to think of anything else without everything leading back to that one person.”

“That’s kind of scary to think about.” She laughs half heartedly.

“Because it is. That’s the fucked up thing about it all, nobody tells you that falling in love is more of developing an obsession to another person. It’s wanting to be around them all the time and praying every second you’re away from them that they’ll come around again soon. It’s the inability to let go after you swore to yourself you were done and it’s why I keep coming back to you.”

Theres a pause. I don’t realize how red my face has gotten until I stop talking.

“I think we’re probably just sick.” She smiles with her teeth, pushing my shoulder back to walk past me. We’ve left her front lawn so many times before. I’ve chased her across her lawn and rolled with her in the weeds, but I’ve grown so used to the faint glowing of her front porch lights and the flickering of the fairy lights strung across the door that it always catches me off guard when she moves away from the doorway.

“I think you’re probably right.”

“Then maybe we shouldn’t be together, then. Maybe you were right. We were better for it.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s true.”

“How could you not? You said it so you must believe in it.”

Shes playing with me and she knows it. Even though Y/n claims she’s hurting less and less the more we open up, I can tell theres still a wound bleeding somewhere deep, someplace within her that likes to see me frantic.

“Maybe I did then, but I don’t now.”

“Why?”

“Well, then you were just my girlfriend.”

“And I’m your ex now, so I guess it’s probably worse.”

It’s my turn to laugh now.

“No. I think it’s different now because I’m not only in love with you, but I love you.” I feel like I’m seven again, running around the blacktop and chasing around Y/n and tugging her by her pigtails. I feel like I’ve just confessed my school crush to her and it’s thrilling but horrifying all at once.

“Do you love me enough to be honest with me?” She smiles wider.

“I love you enough to do just about anything for you.”

“Did you ever see me in her?”

Somehow every time it gets good I am reminded of my past. It’s my karma. I’ve hurt her so it only makes sense for her to want to know everything before I earn her heart again.

“All the time.”

For the first time in forever, she steps closer, her hands resting on my waist gently and her breathing shallow against my neck.

“How?” Our noses practically touch when I look down at her.

“She was quiet, careful. She was never as smart as you but if I was drunk enough I could have made up anything. You guys would have been best friends, I’m convinced, if it were a different lifetime. Same jokes, same hobbies. The only difference was her heart.”

I find my hands threading themselves between the stray hairs by her neck, and I can see how her eyes relax the closer I inch towards her.

“You were much softer than she was, and I realized then that I only really ever wanted her because she reminded me so much of you. And it’s weird because I already had you.”

For a second I think she’s going to kiss me, and for a second I know she thinks so too. But her hands slip away from mine and her head ducks beneath my hands to unthread them from her hair to get away. She’s clearing her throat and mumbling soft apologies as she makes her way back up to the porch.

I feel angry, and I know it’s not my right to. I had her and I lost her through my own actions. I have no one else to blame. Yet, I find myself feeling vulnerable in a way I’ve never felt it before. It makes me feel sick knowing how close we got to fixing things and how quickly it was stripped away. I feel useless, and I figure it must be how Y/n felt when I left her and told her it was for the best.

“So that’s it then? What, we just tell each other we love each other and we pretend it never happened?”

“JJ, please.”

I can tell shes tired, conflicted over her own actions, but I can’t wait any longer to figure it out.

“I know it’s my fault but I’m trying to fix it, fix us! I miss you, more than anything and I can’t talk to anyone like I talk to you. I don’t know what else to say, Y/n. I love you, I love you so much it drives me crazy and I fucking miss what we had.”

She doesn’t say anything.

“JJ, I told you when you first came around. You knew this. I won’t fight for us, I can’t do that again.”

“So then why do you let me stick around?”

“Someone ought to hold you to your words. If you’re going to stay, then stay but I won’t fight for you if you leave.”

“Well I wish you would.” I can feel myself growing angry. I wish I didn’t get that from my father, his temper. I wish I was more like Y/n, more level headed and calm. But I was born angry and I am because I remember the way I ended things and I remember how quickly she accepted it.

“You lost that privilege when you left me for her.”

“Don’t throw that at me, we both know you couldn’t even argue with me then!”

“How could I, JJ? You’d made up your mind, why should I stick around if you’ve gotten eyes for someone else?” Her throat is scratchy, she doesn’t even have to look at me for me to know she’s trying not to cry. I want to beg her not to, because I know I won’t be able to withstand her wet doe eyes, but I’ve done it to myself.

“You know that’s not what happened, I told you what happened!” I feel the way we’re both growing tired. We get good and we fall apart.

“If you want to talk, we can talk but I can’t give you what you want. I can’t fight for someone who’s not even mine.”

“So then you want to see other people?”

“I never said that.”

“Well you implied it.”

She doesn’t say anything, shoulders shaking over the old railings of her porch. Her breathing is heavy but she doesn’t speak.

“So I guess if you want to see other people, then we should see other people.”

“Do what you want JJ, but just don’t come back here.”

She doesn’t mean it, we both know she doesn’t. She told me months ago she would never love me again, and though she has grown to find room in her heart for me, she’ll never let me see her vulnerable again.

I can feel the dirt coating my socks as it kicks up behind me. I’m not walking fast, but it feels like it with how dizzy I’m getting. Her door shuts with a slam and I swear I can hear a faint cry echo through her kitchen. But I’ll never know because I was too careless to try and knock.

It’s a different girl every time, but they’re all the same. John B gave me shit for it last summer when it first ended. I claimed to be chasing something better but they were all just different versions of the same girl.

There was always something off, the hair, the smile, the laugh. But if I drank enough and squinted hard enough I could almost see Y/n again and it would help convince myself that I was fine with her absence.

I find the fog of the early summer bonfires to be suffocating now, even with the solo cup in my hand and consistent pats on my back from classmates and old friends. I’ve flirted with half the island by now, I’m sure of it, and I probably look a mess but the tourist in front of me doesn’t seem to mind.

She looks like my Y/n too, they both like the same music. I wonder if I’ll accidentally call her the wrong name later tonight.

I told Y/n I stopped drinking, but I never promised it to her. So I suppose that’s how I ended up back where I started, trying to drown out my own issues with a warm beverage and a random girl.

I haven’t really been listening to what she has to say, I can only wonder what Y/n would think about her and if she would approve. It makes me feel sick knowing how many people I hurt in the process of healing, and I wonder if you can even consider it healing at this point.

“JJ!” A soft voice breaks through a loud crowd, dashing through the center of a bonfire to find me hanging back along the outskirts.

The girl in front of me shoots both of us a dirty look and walks away without saying a word.

“Y/n?” My vision is blurry and I wonder if it’s really her or if I’ve drank far too much.

“You’re drunk.”

“What?” The cup in my hand finds its way into the hot sand and over the intense stench of alcohol I can smell the welcoming scent of her perfume.

“Do you take me as a joke?” Her eyes are watering, shaky fingers wrapped around my wrists. I can see the faint flickering of the bonfire illuminating the side of her face. She looks so pretty like this, so tired.

“What the fuck are you on about, Y/n?”

“I let you into my home, into my bed; my bed!” She restlessly pokes her finger into her chest, clammy hands gripping onto my skin harder than ever.

“Well I didn’t make you!”

“You didn’t make it easy either!” She shoots daggers in my direction, stray looks from passersby’s tell us to quiet down.

“Yeah whatever.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She all but begs.

“You could have any boyfriend you want, you know. Boy’s are consistently falling in love with you, from what I’ve heard.” I slur, my right foot falling in front of my left and still Y/n holds me in place.

“Stop that, stop it now JJ I don’t like it.” She pleads through her gritted teeth.

“Right.” I roll my eyes.

“You don’t hate me. You told me so when I asked you, you even told me you liked me so stop being mean.”

“Maybe I’m just immune to you.” I try and joke through foggy memories and a sloppy smile, “Because I knew you before, in school when you still wore pigtails.”

“Right, when I was ugly and pathetic? You obviously don’t know me now JJ if you’re acting this way.” I ignore her insults, I couldn’t even process them if I tried.

“No, you were never ugly or pathetic.”

She looked at me, confused, not sure where this fight is leading us and unsure if we’d ever bounce back from it. Even sober our conversation is unclear, weaving between different topics and creating sore spots that’ll surely kill us soon.

“I know I’d be a shit boyfriend if I were yours. I’d rather anyone else, even the guys on figure eight who spit on me when I walk by.”

“JJ, you’re drunk, let me take you home, we can figure it all out soon.” My hands rip themselves from her grip, stumbling back into the sand.

“Why do you care so much JJ? Let me take you home, we can talk in the morning.”

“Because I’m selfish and even though I know you’d be happier without me I can’t even stand the thought of you being happy with anyone else but me.” Looking at my feet, I feel the tears falling from my eyes onto my feet buried in the sand. “Y/n I need to know if you love me or not.”

Neither of us can speak, and it feels like everyone around us can’t seem to find the words to explain out situation either.

“JJ.” She pleads softly.

“I probably should have mentioned this before, but I was seeing someone.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.”

Y/n doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t even breathe, and the quiet is so loud that I can’t help the drunken rambling that leaves my mouth. “That girl, I can’t remember her name now, but the one I had last summer, I saw her up until the fall. I asked her out too. Should have mentioned that before but then again, I feel like you hardly ever let me in anymore so.” I shrug, and because of the way my eyes so heavily avoided her’s I almost missed the way she looked at me like I was poison.

“I called her by your name, that’s why she said no.”

The world seems to fall quiet around us, stray smoke from the nearby fire weaving between us and sticking in our hair and on our clothes.

“Why are you telling me this? Is it because you’re trying to be such a good friend, is that it, JJ?”

“No—yes, I don’t know, I just needed to tell you.”

Her sniffles are deafening, I feel sicker than before hearing her fighting her tears.

“Oh god, oh my god!” Her hands cover her face, pulling down until her hands clasp tightly over her quivering mouth.

“I’m sorry, I want to fix things, I thought if I told you, you would like me better!” I try to rationalize but she only shakes her head.

“I thought it would be different, you know? I really did believe you when you said we were better for it, having taken a break to grow and learn. But I’m just as naive as I was when I was yours and I’m just as stupid for taking you back!” She spits it like venom, still backing away.

“You said it yourself, I’m not a good person.”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t believe you could be one.”

It’s quiet again between us, and her touch on my skin lingers like a tattooed kiss, her words replaying in my mind.

Y/n believed we could work it out, but she was smarter than I was and more careful too. She knew better than to chase after something that was never meant to work out.

“I do love you, I really do. What we had, what we have done. We’ve done so much good for one another.”

“No, no.” I try to follow her, but my feet fail me. I fan barely walk straight, let alone chase her.

“You know I love you, Y/n, you have to. I’m never going to feel the same way I feel for you for anybody else.”

She looks at me and it tells me everything I need to know.

I can promise her all my love and all my heart but it’ll never make us right, not ever again.

When she leaves, it’s quietly, the frame of her body losing its color in the darkness of the early summer night. It reminds me a lot of how this all started, and I feel sick.

I could stay as long as I wanted, but the truth was my devotion did not matter anymore, because she was always destined to go.

#jj maybank x y/n #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank fluff #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank x you #jjmaybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jjmaybankangst

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frost-queen · 4 months

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Tempting fate // part 6 (Reader!Featherington x Colin Bridgerton)

Forever tag:@missmelodramatic, @merlin-dahlia, @alex--awesome--22, @elllie-does-the-posts, @floatlosers, @merlieve, @queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly , @denkisclown, @wildieflower , @meyocoko , @bubblybrianna97 , @justanothercoco, @subjecta13-thefangirl ,

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Summary: Colin remains desperate for your attention. Yet you are not so eager to give it to him. Being at the brink of despare, he might need a little help to have you just where he wants you. [ part 1 & part 2 & part 3 & part 4 & part 5 & part 7 & part 8 & part 9 & part 10]

You adjusted the shawl laying over your elbows, your sisters walking a bit further with their husbands. Phillipa was holding a parasol for the sun on this glorious stroll. – “Y/n do keep up.” – Portia called out seeing that you had lingered behind. – “Yes mama.” – you answered, quickening up your pace to hasten yourself over to them. You came joining Prudence’s side. Her arm locked in with her husband Robert Huxley. – “What a splendid weather is it not.” – Robert pointed out cheerfully.

Receiving not much later a slap against his shoulder from Prudence. He looked confused at his own wife. – “No one wants to have this dull conversation about the weather.” – Prudence let out with a bored expression. It made you chuckle softly. Prudence took in a deep breath, preparing herself to ask you something rather delicate. – “Is there something between you and Penelope?” – she asked, her eyes gliding across to where Penelope walked with mother.

Phillipa and her husband right behind them. – “Of course not.” – you said with a delicate smile. – “Liar.” – Prudence countered having leaned closer to you. – “I must agree with my wife on this matter Y/n. There definitely feels like something in going on between the two of you.” – Robert pitched in the conversation.

Prudence turned her head to him with a smile. – “Good to see you agree with me.” – she outed. Robert chuckled. – “I always agree with you.” – he said to let her have no doubts. Prudence’s eyes twinkled with delight. Robert snuck in a kiss against her cheek. You hoped that would let them forget about Penelope and you, but it didn’t.

Prudence let go of her husband’s arm and entangled hers around yours. – “What is it? What gossipy thing has happened between the two of you?” – Prudence whispered, leading you a bit away from her husband. Robert kept a respecting distance, still wanting to be close to his wife, but not intrude.

“Nothing.” – you answered making Prudence groaned annoyed. Her head fell back as the deep groan emerged from her mouth. – “Is this about the Bridgerton’s?” – Prudence asked as you came to a stop. Staring in shock at her. Prudence’s reaction to you was to smile wickedly. – “I am no fool Y/n.” – she whispered out letting go of your arm and join her husband’s once more.

Clenching your hands, you hurried back to them. – “This has nothing to do with Colin!” – you called out. Prudence turned around to you. She opened one hand explaining. – “Penelope and Colin have been friends since forever.” – she then glanced down at her other hand that she opened up to the side. – “I was told you were at the Bridgerton household, hinting you are having more interactions with Colin now that you’ve grown up.” – she clasped her hands together with a cheeky smile.

“One and one go together.” – she finished. – “What?” – you called out confused with wide eyes. – “Oh right, you were not aware. That night you were off God knows where, I came to the Bridgerton household to come and fetch you. You weren’t there of course but it was suggested.” – Prudence explained. Prudence took her husband’s arm again to continue the stroll in the park. – “By whom?” – you wanted to know, rushing after her.

“Our very own Penelope.” – Prudence informed you, making you stop and stare. – “Keep up Y/n.” – Prudence called out having walked further. You slowly came in motion, going in a slow pace after them. Head trying to grasp the information you had just obtained.

“Y/n!” – you heard loudly, making you gasp. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Colin Bridgerton make his way over. Not wanting to talk to him, you started walking off. – “Y/n wait!” – Colin called out quickening up his pace to come nearer. – “I want to talk.” – he let out going in pursuit of you. Lifting the hem of your dress a bit up, you started running. Running away from Colin. Having no desire to hear his excuses. – “Y/n!” – Colin called not letting you off the hook.

Robert turned around having heard your name. He nudged Prudence against her chest, turning around with her to see it for herself. Prudence gasped loud, grabbing her husband tight by the wrist. Digging her nails into him from excitement and entertainment. – “Y/n! Let us talk.” – Colin told you as you ran through the leaves of a willow tree. Running up to the thick bark to hide behind it.

Colin was about to enter the shadowy part underneath the willow as well till he got stopped. – “Colin?” – turning his head Penelope Featherington approached. – “Pen.” – Colin breathed out, letting his hand drop from under the leaves he had moved to create an entrance. He bowed to her as Penelope curtsied. – “Are you alone out here?” – she asked, getting on her toes to look past him.

“My family is by the lake.” – he pointed out. Penelope saw that Colin’s attention got drawn to the willow tree. – “Colin, you must simply tell me more about your travels to Paris. Tell me all about the culture, the food and wardrobes.” – Penelope suggested with a sweet smile. She gently nudged him when he was hesitant.

Penelope lured him away from the willow, strolling further away as she listened to his stories. You removed yourself from behind the bark, somewhat relieved your sister came in. If she hadn’t stepped in, you wouldn’t be able to get rid of him that easily. Going under the leaves, you got out in the open once more.

Gaze locking on your sister Prudence and her husband a bit further away. Prudence shaking her head, arms crossed. Her husband giving you a sheepish smile. Exhaling soft, you went over to your mother. Knowing Colin wouldn’t dare to come near with her by your side, if he ever dared to attempt it once more.

Having the uneasy feeling that Colin would try something no matter what, you told Portia you were not feeling well. She allowed you to take the carriage home. With a quickened pace, you made your way up to the path where the carriage awaited. The footman opened the door for you. You set your foot on the little step, already hoisting yourself up to get in the carriage. The footman was about to close the door as you were hovering to sit down.

The door suddenly getting held open by force. Colin Bridgerton came in the door opening, panting loud. – “Y/n let us talk.” – he breathed out. – “Colin!” – you screamed out startled. You didn’t want him anywhere near the carriage so you moved forwards, grabbing the door by the open window frame. You started pulling at it, the door bumping against Colin’s back as you tried to shut it.

Colin kept holding the door, making it for you unable to lock him out. – “I need to talk to you!” – he called out in desperation. – “I do not wish to speak with you.” – you made clear, pulling harder at the frame and shoving him back so you could close the door. – “Y/n! Hear me out!” – Colin kept the door open with all his might. You screamed loud in agony as he wasn’t giving up.

Colin saw no other solution so he set his foot on the little step, hoisting himself up. You cried it out in a panic as he was about to get in the carriage with you. – “Get out!” – you ordered him, pushing hard against his chest. Colin was sturdy and easily kept his position. – “Let me talk to you!” – Colin said annoyed that you kept pushing him off. Push after push, you shoved him against his chest, not wanting him to get in the carriage.

The carriage wobbled a bit from the movement as you didn’t want to think about the prying eyes it drew in. Colin Bridgerton standing half in a carriage, legs still out as something was clearly preventing him from getting on. – “Get out!” – you repeated loud at the brink of screaming your lungs out in frustration. You gave Colin a few more hard pushes as his foot slipped on the little step. It made him loose his balance as you could easily push him out of the carriage.

He fell down on his back on the gravely road. You stuck your upper body out to grab the door, wanting to slam it shut. – “Y/n please.” – Colin begged moving himself more upright. For a moment you stared at him, before your expression contracted in anger, slamming the door firmly shut.

The carriage got in motion as Colin came up to his feet. – “Y/n wait!” – he called out running after the carriage. Some ladies snorted loud seeing how Colin was so pathetic. He couldn’t possibly catch up with the carriage, slowing down as he was out of breath. Hands on his knees, he was panting loud. Defeated he returned to his family. Anthony waited eagerly for him, pushing Benedict a bit aside to come and meet him. – “And?” – Anhtony asked curious.

Colin shook his head, lowering it. Anthony exhaled deep, moving his hands to his hips. – “Do not worry brother, we’ll find a way.” – Anthony encouraged, swinging an arm over his shoulder. – “How?” – Colin called out frustrated. – “I messed up! She’s never going to talk to me ever again!” – Colin shrugged Anthony’s arm off. – “Don’t be absurd.” – Anthony answered.

“Every opportunity she takes a run for it!” – Colin called out angrily, taking a rock as he threw it in the lake. – “Colin!” – Violet scolded him for his bad behaviour. It made Colin sigh loud, pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. Letting himself fall down in the grass, he gave up. Physically drained.

There was nothing he could do against the feeling. He couldn’t stop himself from feeling guilty for ever threating you so dishonest. Thinking back about it, he knew he sure was the fool. He did truly liked you. At that time, he didn’t think it was strong enough for marriage. Not that soon. His brother made him think deeper about what he truly felt. Yet the damage was already done.

Seeing you with that other lord the other day, truly send him over the edge. Feeling you slip through his fingers as he was losing something, he didn’t want to lose. The feeling eating at him. That night Colin couldn’t sleep. Laying awake with taunting dreams of seeing you dance with that other lord.

Having to watch from the side-line as you gaze lovingly up to him. Imagining him standing in a corner, forgotten as you got married to the lord. Imagining you waking up next to him, his arms all around you as he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to stop the feeling and stop making excuses. Best of wishes to that Bridgerton.

Dancers took each other’s hands, brushing past each other to change positions. The next ball off the season had started off. The Bridgerton’s standing collectively together. A tray of drinks moved past as Colin snatched a glass from it. Drinking almost the entire content in one breath. He needed to drink himself some confidence. Getting a moment alone with you to talk, wasn’t going to be easy.

Colin found himself more and more being drawn to the stairs where newly guests would appear. Hoping each time the door opened, it would reveal you. The patience was nerve-wrecking. Almost making him break out in a sweat. The doors opened as he anticipated the moment to see you, yet it were others. After a while it didn’t seem like you would come. A girl having found her way to Colin, chatting to him about herself.

He rather wished to speak with you, but the distraction was welcoming at such dire times. The doors opened once more. Portia Featherington stepping out. Her daughters Phillipa and Prudence with their husbands right behind her. Colin caught them in the corner of his eyes, turning his head. Penelope stood in the centre, yet his gaze was drawn to you. Standing a bit behind your sister. Eyes to the floor as he noticed you were fidgeting nervously with your fingered gloves.

Colin’s gaze remained locked on you as you descended from the stairs. Joining the others at the ball. Colin excused himself from the girl, finding a way through the crowd to get to you. Your family moved to the side to settle as your eyes widened. Staring in front of you at the nearing of Colin Bridgerton. You immediately turned around, wanting to escape him. – “Y/n.” – Colin shout-whispered, keeping his voice decently down.

Pushing lord and ladies aside to force a way through to you. – “Please Y/n.” – he begged wanting nothing more than to have you speak to him. Graveling to get your attention. He quickened up his pace nearly touching the ribbon around your waist as it slipped through his fingers. A lord walked across as he came blocking his path to you. It made him groan frustratedly that he was losing sight of you.

You were panting, trying to stay out of Colin’s clutches. You were distracted by looking over your shoulder for a sign of him, that when you turned your gaze to the front, you gasped loud. Anthony Bridgerton standing in front of you as he came blocking your path. – “A word Miss Y/n.” – he said.

Breathing shakily, you turned a quarter to run off when you were greeted by Benedict Bridgerton. – “I have no clue.” – he stated hands open so you couldn’t pass. Backing up, you knew they were trapping you. Anthony joining his brother’s side. – “You tricked me!” – you called out. – “Apologies.” – Anthony spoke as you suddenly felt a grip on your upper arms, making you gasp loud. You got spun around, looking up to Colin’s eyes. He was panting a bit, staring yearningly at your eyes. – “Please listen.”

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brunchable · 28 days

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LAZARUS SERUM || Steve Rogers x Enhanced!FReader [18+]

Part II

Part One | Part Three Words: 12.2K Themes: Angst, Drama, Violence (causing 1 death), Action (Fighting Scenes: With Steve and Tony), Hatred, Lovers to Enemies, Enemies to Lovers. Warning: Smut with The Winter Soldier. Choking, Spanking, Mild Degredation? Unprotected piv sex, hair-pulling, dirty-talking. Sneak Peak: “So,” you drawled, breaking the silence with a voice dripping in mockery, “The great Captain America finally graces me with his presence. I must say, I’m flattered. Though, I’m starting to think you only come around when your self-righteousness needs a little top-up.” A/N: The council has spoken and they said include the Bucky seggs scene. If you don't want to read that part, then just skip it? Let me know if you want to be tagged, yes? Thank you.

Tags: @needsleep3000 @vicmc624 @i-can-do-this-all-dayy @mrs-jjmaybank @strepsils123 @nesnejwritings @haruvalentine4321 @feelinthefic @niffala

The bar in Brooklyn was filled with the sounds of celebration. Soldiers clinked their glasses together, sharing stories of their latest victory, their laughter and cheers filling the air. But at a small table in the corner, Steve Rogers sat in silence, a drink in his hand that he hadn’t touched. The noise around him felt distant, muffled by the weight of his thoughts.

Bucky made his way through the crowd, a smile tugging at his lips as he spotted Steve. The relief of seeing his friend safe brought a warmth to his chest. He dropped into the chair beside Steve, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

“Steve! Man, I can’t wait to see Y/N’s reaction when she finds out we’re back. She’s probably worried sick.”

Steve’s smile faltered, his grip tightening around his glass. He took a deep breath, the words he knew he had to say caught in his throat.

“Yeah… she always did worry,” he replied, his tone withdrawn.

“I can see it now—she’s gonna give us hell, but she’ll be glad to see us, especially you.” Bucky didn’t notice at first, too caught up in the moment.

Steve forced a weak smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. The knot in his stomach tightened as Bucky spoke, and he was afraid to confess, afraid of Bucky's reaction. He stared at the drink in his hand, the weight of his guilt growing heavier by the second.

Bucky finally noticed the tension in Steve’s posture, the way he avoided eye contact. His smile faded, replaced by concern. “Steve… What's going on? Something's bothering you.”

Steve exhaled slowly, his lips twitching as he shook his head, “Bucky… something happened before I left for the rescue.”

“Okay?” Bucky furrowed his eyes, a couple of scenarios reeling in his head, “Did you get Y/N pregnant?”

“What? No…” Steve shook his head vigorously, although he'd prefer to be in that situation compared to this.

“Then what happened?” Bucky’s concern deepened, his eyes narrowing slightly as he leaned in.

Steve hesitated, the shame now joined his emotions list. “Y/N and I… we had a fight. A bad one.”

“A fight?” Bucky echoed, a bit confused since a fight is normal in relationships. “About what?”

Steve struggled to find the words, but there’s no turning back. “I said some things I shouldn’t have. I questioned her loyalty. I… I let jealousy get the better of me. I asked her if she was only with me out of pity, or if… if maybe she had feelings for you instead.”

“Jesus, Steve…” he muttered, blinking his eyes in disappointment and Steve’s head dropped, his shame too heavy to face Bucky directly. Bucky stared at Steve, the shock giving way to a rising tide of anger. “You've got to be out of your mind if you really believe that.”

“I know, but… at the time, I was blinded.”

“Steve, do you remember when you first got that rejection letter from the army, and you were down in the dumps? Y/N was the one who picked you back up. She stayed with you for hours, talking you through it. And when you were sick with pneumonia, she practically moved in with you to help take care of you. She barely slept for days nursing you.” Bucky leaned forward, his voice growing more intense as he fought to control his emotions.

Steve nodded slowly, each memory a painful reminder of how much he had taken for granted, “I know, Bucky. I know she was always there for me.”

Bucky clenched his jaw, figuring out how to spit out what he wanted to say.

“And I’ll admit it okay?” Bucky continued, his eyes looking anywhere but Steve. “I… I love Y/N. But she was too busy to notice because her heart was yours. Devotedly.”

Steve felt a squeeze in his chest by the shock of Bucky’s confession. He stared at Bucky, wide-eyed and stunned, struggling to process the words. He knew Bucky liked you but not love.

Steve’s chest tightened, the weight of Bucky’s words pressing down on him. “I was wrong. But that night… I couldn’t see past my own jealousy and fear.”

“Stop making excuses,” Bucky’s fists clenched at his sides, his frustration growing. “So what happened? You just let her walk away?”

Steve’s voice trembled as he admitted the truth. “No. I walked away. I left her alone, and in the morning her mother called me. She disappeared, and it’s because of me.”

Bucky’s world seemed to spin as the full impact of Steve’s words hit him like a truck.

“Gone?” he repeated, allowing the word to sink in. “What do you mean by gone?”

“She's missing, Bucky,” Steve said, his voice thick with regret. “I tried to find her, but… she was just gone. And it’s my fault. I—”

Bucky staggered back, a mixture of emotions crashing over him like a wave. “How could you do that, Steve? After everything… how could you leave her like that? And then, in the midst of all this… how could you even dance with that fucking agent lady?”

Steve’s eyes widened slightly at Bucky’s outburst, the raw anger in his friend’s voice catching him off guard. “Bucky, I—”

But Bucky wasn’t finished. His emotions boiled over, and before Steve could say another word, Bucky slammed his fist down on the table, causing the glasses to rattle. His voice shook with animosity and he leaned in closer, his eyes blazing.

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to! But now… now you don’t actually get the chance. Now we both have to live with the fact that she’s missing? maybe dead? And for what?”

Steve flinched at the word, ‘dead’. Steve’s head dropped, his shoulders slumping under the crushing weight of his guilt.

Bucky couldn’t process it, couldn’t reconcile the Steve he knew with the one who had let you slip away. He pushed back from the table, shaking his head in disbelief as the pain and anger twisted inside him.

“Get out of my way.” Bucky pushed a drunkard out of his way and stomped off.

The noise of the bar faded into the background as Bucky walked away, his heart heavy with the knowledge that the one person who had always been there for both of them was now gone. And as Steve sat alone, the victory they had fought so hard for felt hollow, drowned out by the guilt and loss that now ate him from the inside, out.

× × × ×

Steve and Natasha drove through the busy streets, the cityscape bathed in the golden light of the setting sun. The mission had hit a temporary lull. Natasha, ever the observant one, noticed the contemplative look on Steve’s face as he navigated the streets.

Steve had just found out that Bucky is alive and it was a lot for him to take in. Steve's mind was a storm—he was at some point relieved he's alive but at the same time, he wasn’t. How was it possible? His best friend, the man he had mourned for decades, was not only alive but had been turned into a weapon by HYDRA. The thought alone made his stomach churn.

He remembered the nights he and Bucky would wander the streets, talking about their dreams, their future—an uncertain future that had been stolen from them by the war. Now, everything felt different, tainted by the knowledge of what had become of Bucky.

Steve’s grip tightened on the steering wheel as a wave of guilt washed over him. He had failed Bucky—failed to save him, failed to protect him. And now, Bucky was out there, a shadow of the man he once was, driven by forces beyond his control. The weight of that failure pressed down on Steve’s chest like a vice, making it hard to breathe.

"So," Natasha started, her tone light but probing, "anyone special back home? Or are you still dodging those office setups with Agent 13?"

Steve chuckled lightly, shaking his head. "She’s nice, but… I’m not really looking right now."

"Come on, Steve. A guy like you—there’s gotta be someone," Natasha pressed, a teasing smile playing on her lips. "Or was there someone? Back in the day."

Steve’s smile faded a bit, and he glanced out the window, his mind clearly elsewhere. Natasha immediately picked up on the change in his demeanor.

"There was someone," he admitted quietly, his tone a mixture of fondness and regret.

Natasha raised an eyebrow, her curiosity piqued. "Oh? Now, this sounds interesting. Tell me about her."

Steve hesitated, the memories of the past tugging at him. "Her name was Y/N. We were together before the war—before I was Captain."

"Ooh, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend. What happened?" Natasha's expression softened.

Steve sighed, his grip tightening slightly on the steering wheel. "I let her go. After I got the serum, I… well, I let it get to my head."

"What do you mean?” Natasha turned slightly in her seat, giving him her full attention.

Steve exhaled slowly, he felt like he's reliving the massive mistake of his life. "I started getting attention from girls—more than I ever had before. And I liked it. I let my brand-new image get to my head, and started to think maybe I deserved it after everything I went through. But it wasn’t real, and I lost sight of what was important. I pushed Y/N away, even though she was the one who had been there for me before everything."

Natasha clicked her tongue in disapproval, but her eyes softened with understanding. "Steve, you were young, and everything changed overnight. That kind of shift… it’s hard not to get swept up in it."

Steve nodded, but the regret in his eyes was unmistakable. "I know, but that’s no excuse. I let her down. By the time I realized what I’d done, it was too late. She was gone, disappeared without a trace."

"Did you try to find her?" Natasha asked, her voice gentle.

"I did," Steve said, his voice thick with emotion, like he was reliving the time where he scoured every nook and cranny of Brooklyn for her. "I tried everything I could, but she was just… gone. Her mother called me, told me Y/N had disappeared the morning after I walked away. I can’t help but think that if I’d done things differently, she’d still be here."

Natasha reached over, placing a hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. "Steve, you can’t carry that guilt forever. You made mistakes, sure, but that doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of forgiveness."

Steve’s expression remained pained, his eyes filled with regret. "I wish I could go back and make it right, Nat. She deserved better than what I gave her."

Natasha gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. "You can’t change the past, Steve, but you can learn from it. If she’s still alive, you owe it to both of you to try and make things right."

Steve looked at Natasha, his gratitude clear, but the weight of his past still heavy on his shoulders. "If she is, I just don’t know if she’d ever forgive me. Or if I even deserve it."

Natasha offered a small, understanding smile. "Forgiveness is a two-way street, Steve. You’ll never know unless you try."

Steve just nodded.

As they continued driving, the conversation lulled into a comfortable silence, but Steve’s thoughts remained on Y/N. The memories, the regrets—they all mingled together, creating a complex web of emotions he couldn’t easily untangle.

Finally, Natasha broke the silence with a teasing jab. "So, if she’s alive? Are you going to apologize first or let her throw the first punch?"

Steve chuckled softly, shaking his head. "Knowing her, even with old age, she’d probably punch me first."

Natasha grinned, glad to see a bit of the tension lift. "Well, just remember—if you need a wingman, I’m here. But you’re on your own with the punching part."

× × × ×

The atmosphere was thick with tension as Alexander Pierce, the Secretary of HYDRA, stood before the Winter Soldier, his expression a mask of cold displeasure. Bucky stood at attention, his face impassive.

Pierce’s voice was low, laced with barely concealed anger. “I asked you for a report, Soldier. Why didn’t you eliminate the target?”

Bucky remained silent, his gaze unfocused, as though he were looking through Pierce rather than at him. This slight defiance, whether intentional or not, only served to infuriate Pierce further. He raised his hand, intending to deliver a harsh blow to snap the Winter Soldier back into obedience.

But before his hand could connect, it was caught mid-air, gripped tightly by another—your hand. Your fingers squeezed Pierce’s wrist with a force that made him wince, the sound of bones grinding beneath your grip.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” you said, your voice dangerously calm. The room seemed to grow colder as you stepped closer, your presence commanding the attention of everyone around you.

Pierce’s eyes flickered from stunned to anger as he looked down at the woman who dared to intervene. “You dare—”

“I dare,” you interrupted, your smirk widening as you tighten your grip, watching with satisfaction as Pierce’s face contorted in pain. “Remember who you’re dealing with, Pierce. The Winter Soldier is valuable, yes, but don’t forget who has the real power here.”

The room held its breath as Pierce glared at you, his anger simmering. His attempt to maintain control was slipping, and you could see it in his eyes—the fear, the uncertainty. But it wasn't enough. You wanted to remind him, and everyone else in the room, who actually had the power.

You pretended to release his wrist only to grab him by the throat, lifting him off the ground as if he weighed nothing. Pierce gasped, his hands instinctively reaching up to claw at your grip, but it was futile. You held him there, suspended in the air, your eyes cold as you watched the panic rise in his eyes.

Around you, HYDRA operatives tensed, their hands moving toward their weapons. The sound of guns being cocked filled the air, and your ears caught it immediately. Instead of flinching or backing down, a low, rumbling chuckle escaped your lips, starting deep in your chest. Your laugh began to rise. It was a sound that started soft, almost like a private joke shared with yourself, but it quickly grew louder, filling the room with a sinister, echoing resonance.

It wasn’t just a laugh; it was a declaration. A reminder of just how dangerous you were. The agents hesitated, their fingers hovering uncertainty over the triggers. They knew what that laugh meant. That you're a woman not to be trifled with—this was a predator, toying with her prey.

As your laughter crescendoed, it took on a twisted, almost gleeful quality, as though you were genuinely delighted by the absurdity of the moment.

“Guns? Really?” you said, your voice dripping with mockery. “Go ahead, pull the trigger. Let’s see who’s faster.”

There was a pause, a moment where time seemed to stand still as the agents exchanged nervous glances. None of them dared to act, not with the lethal reputation you had earned within HYDRA.

Just as the tension reached its peak, your hand moved in a blur. Before anyone could react, you drew a dagger from your side and hurled it with deadly precision. The blade found its mark, embedding itself deep into the skull of one of the agents who had been foolish enough to aim his gun at you. The agent crumpled to the ground, dead before he hit the floor.

The remaining operatives stared in shock, their fingers frozen on the triggers, the reality of the situation crashing down on them like a ton of bricks. The silence that followed was deafening, broken only by your voice, now cold and taunting.

“What’s the matter?” you asked, your tone mocking as you glanced at the other agents. “I thought you were going to shoot me?”

No one moved. The fear in the room was heavy, each agent knowing that a single wrong move would mean their death. They were outmatched, outclassed, and they knew it.

You turned your attention back to Pierce, who was still struggling in your grip. His face had gone red, his eyes wide with fear as he realized the precariousness of his situation.

"You think you're in control here, Pierce?" you asked, your voice low and menacing. "You think you can order us around like one of your lackeys? Let me make this clear—I'm not just a weapon you can point and shoot. I'm the one who decides where the bullets land."

With a flick of your wrist, you threw him across the room, watching as he crashed into a table, sending papers and files scattering to the floor. Pierce groaned in pain, clutching his throat as he struggled to regain his breath and composure. But the fear in his eyes told you everything you needed to know.

Pierce’s expression darkened, but he knew when to back down. He rubbed his neck with a grimace. “You think you’re untouchable, don’t you?”

You rolled your eyes, he's still actually talking?

“I don’t think, Pierce. I know.”

For a brief moment, your eyes locked, a silent battle of wills. But in the end, it was Pierce who looked away. He knew better than to push you further.

You turned your attention back to Bucky, your expression softening ever so slightly as you reached out and gently caressed his face. The touch was light, almost tender, and as you did so, a name slipped from your lips in a whisper, one that seemed to stir something deep within Bucky.

“Bucky…”

For a moment, Bucky’s eyes focused, the faintest glimmer of recognition flashing across his face. But it was fleeting, gone as quickly as it had appeared, and his expression returned to the blank slate that HYDRA had molded him into.

You let your hand fall away, a hint of sadness in your eyes before you masked it with your usual cold demeanor. You turned back to Pierce, your smirk returning.

“Remember your place, Mr. Secretary. For someone using us as a tool to make ends meet, I expect a little more. . . respect.”

With that, you turned on your heel, motioning for Bucky to follow you. He did so without hesitation, leaving Pierce and the operatives standing in stunned silence.

You and Bucky reached the door, then you paused, turning back to Pierce with a final, icy smile. “And as for Rogers… I’ll deal with him personally.”

Pierce’s eyes narrowed, his anger barely contained, but he said nothing as you and the Winter Soldier disappeared through the door.

When the door closed behind you, Pierce’s anger boiled over, but he knew he had to tread carefully. You were not someone to be crossed lightly, and if he wanted to keep control of HYDRA’s greatest assets, he would need to play his cards right.

But the look in your eyes, the way you had protected the Winter Soldier—it left him with an uneasy feeling. There was more to you than met the eye, and Pierce couldn’t shake the feeling that you were a force that even HYDRA might not be able to contain.

× × × ×

The sound of his powerful thrusts filled the room, each one accompanied by a wet, sensual sound as your pussy eagerly welcomed him inside. With every thrust his grip on your hip tightens, his metallic hand will leave a bruise but you don’t care.

His other hand closed around your throat too roughly, pressing the hardened ridges of the larynx against the epiglottis. A spasm in his fingers was all the warning you received before they clamped down, forcing more pressure.

“Yes, just like that.” you moaned wantonly, you whimpered as everything tightened, the sweet tension built from the deep rhythmic strokes. You were gasping and frantic, pumping your hips. Reaching between your legs, you rubbed your clit with the pads of your fingers, trying to hasten your climax.

“Not so tough now, huh?” The winter soldier growls, his voice filled with desire and urgency. His thrusts grew more intense, his voice becoming more primal. "You want it harder?" he asked, his voice dripping with seduction.

You could only manage a desperate nod as the pleasure intensified. The wet, rhythmic sounds of your bodies colliding filled the room, mixing with your moans of pleasure.

Bucky's grip on your neck loosened, allowing a cold rush of air to fill your burning lungs. But there was no time to recover—before you could catch your breath, he swiftly flipped you over, his arm coiling around your waist as he hauled you up on your knees.

SMACK!

He slapped your ass so hard you had a hard time suppressing a shriek. Bucky's hand tangled in your hair once more, yanking your head back until it was level with his. He leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear as he hovered menacingly behind you.

"Don't you feel like a slut, in here with me, getting fucked, while those morons think you’re indestructible?”

SMACK!

"Answer me!" he growls, smacking you more in between, his grip on your hair tightened, it's beginning to hurt your scalp.

"Yes," you moaned, so turned on that you could have come at any moment.

"Yes what?” he says through his gritted teeth, smacking you harder that it echoes in the room.

“Yes I feel like a slut.” you choked out with a smile on your lips.

“Good. You're going to come all over this dick, saying my name, yes?” he said, slapping your clit with his cock. With your thighs spread wide, the tip of his cock presses your entrance. The smooth head slides between your folds and rubs against your clit, intensifying your arousal.

“Yes.” You moan, your head arching back, and he slowly enters you, penetrating you inch by slow inch.

You gasp as he goes deeper, filling you again with his thickness. It feels good, so unbelievably good, and you moan again, tightening your inner muscles around his shaft. He groans, closing his eyes, and you do it again, wanting more of the sensation.

He begins to rock back and forth, causing his shaft to move within you ever so slightly, sending waves of heat throughout your body. However, each movement also serves as a reminder of the earlier beating, and a pained moan escapes your throat as your sore buttocks rub against his hard thighs.

He devours you with his kiss, swallowing your whimpers, his mouth now consuming yours with unrestrained hunger.

His hips rocking harder, adding to the pressure building within your core, "You like that, don't you?" he growled.

"Mmmm." you could only moan in response, lost in the pleasure that consumed you. Your own fingers assaulting your clit trying to match his rhythm.

Yanking your hips to meet his powerful thrusts, Bucky battered your tender sex with that brutally thick column of rigid flesh, his gaze dark and possessive, his breath leaving him in primitive grunts every time he hit your cervix. A trembling moan left you, the friction of his drives stirring your never-sated need to be fucked senseless by him.

Long strokes. Pounding, pile driving impacts. Your pussy was so wet there was hardly any friction in or out, just the brutal slapping as he jackhammered you pussy remorselessly. Not fucking. Mating. Breeding.

His other hand moves down your body, his hand spreading your wetness through your stretched slit before pressing his fingers moving small circular motions to gripping your clit between his thumb and index finger.

“J-James—O-h-h, F-u-c-k” you muttered in a broken moan as you flew apart.

Your orgasm is so strong, you can’t even make a sound. For a few blissful seconds, you're completely swamped by pleasure, by ecstasy so intense that it’s almost agonizing. Your body shudders uncontrollably under his body, your muscles clamping down his cock tightly, while your hips gyrate as his cock continues to pound you. Your movements trigger his own release.

“I'm damn close—fuck, I'm coming.” The sensation of you milking his cock is indescribable, the pleasure sharp and electric. It zings through him, hurling him in to reach his peak. Groaning harshly, he grinds his pelvis against you, “Oh I'm coming.”

“Yes! Fill me up—give it to me inside.”

Muscles rippled and bulged along his shoulders and quads as he leaned forward, grinding every millimeter of thickness and length into you. A rough, guttural growl rumbled through your bones. Jet after jet of hot, potent cum deluged your ravaged, desperately spasming walls.

“Ready for more?” he whispers in your ear, his cock barely softening within you. He kisses your earlobe, and the tender gesture is such a contrast to what he’d just done that you feel disoriented. That wasn't normal winter soldier behavior.

× × × ×

You sat straddling Bucky on the leather couch, your breathing still heavy from fucking three times in a row. You began to move away, Bucky’s hands, which had been resting on your hips, suddenly tightened their grip.

You felt the change before you saw it—It was subtle at first, the flicker in his eyes, the way his breath hitched as his gaze became focused, sharp. But there was something else too, something far away in his stare, as if he were trying to grasp onto a memory just out of reach.

"The man at the bridge, who was he?" Bucky's voice was low, but it carried a weight that made you pause.

You had seen these moments of clarity before, rare glimpses of the man he used to be before HYDRA twisted his mind. They never lasted long, a fleeting reminder of the person buried beneath the Winter Soldier’s conditioning. You knew what HYDRA expected of you—what Pierce demanded—but as you looked into Bucky’s eyes, your best friend from a time long past, so lost and vulnerable, you hesitated.

“You met him this week on another assignment.” you replied, trying to keep your voice detached.

“I knew him.” His voice was stronger this time, he was certain.

“Look, Pierce is gonna want us to push it tomorrow—” You shifted slightly, trying to pull away from him, but Bucky’s forced you down on his lap, keeping you in place.

“But I knew him.”

You sighed deeply, frustrated. Grabbing his face roughly, you forced him to look at you, your fingers digging into his skin. "Listen to me, whatever is going on in your head, I need you to put it aside. If Pierce finds out about this, he's going to put you through electroshock to reset you, and I can’t let that happen.”

Bucky’s eyes bore into yours, searching for something, anything, that made sense. "Why are you doing this?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You released your grip on his face, your fingers trailing through his hair as you brushed his brown locks out of the way. "Old sentiments," you muttered, the words bitter on your tongue.

But even as you said it, you knew it was a lie, a half-truth.

It wasn’t just sentiment, though, was it? It was the guilt, the buried rage at everything HYDRA had turned you into. You hated Pierce, despised SHIELD, and the mere thought of Steve brought a twisted knot of anger and betrayal to your chest. But Bucky—Bucky didn’t deserve this. Not after everything he’d been through, not after being twisted into something unrecognizable by the same people who had destroyed your life.

You weren’t doing this because you were good. You weren’t a hero. You were still the same girl driven by anger and resentment toward the world. But Bucky, he was the only piece of your past that still mattered, the only thing left that was worth saving.

And so, as you looked into his confused, lost eyes, you made a silent promise. You would free him from this nightmare, only because he was your friend.

“Just trust me,” you whispered, your voice softer now. “In due time, you will get the answers you want to hear.”

Bucky’s eyes searched yours, as if trying to gauge the sincerity in your words. Slowly, he nodded, though the uncertainty still lingered in his gaze, “I trust you.”

The fragments of his past flickered like dying embers in the recesses of his mind. He couldn't fully grasp who he was before HYDRA, couldn't make sense of the flashes of memory that haunted him in the rare moments of clarity. But there was something about you—something that tugged at his very soul, making him feel connected in a way that defied explanation.

He was a weapon, a tool shaped and controlled by forces he barely understood, yet whenever he looked at you, something within him stirred. It wasn’t just the physical attraction—though that was undeniable—but something deeper, something that made him feel almost human again. His heart remembered you, even when his mind could not.

Why did he feel so drawn to you, so protective, so...fond? It didn’t make sense. He didn’t have memories of you, no context for these emotions, yet they were there, strong and insistent. He was the Winter Soldier—cold, detached, and efficient—but around you, those walls seemed to crack, letting in warmth he didn’t understand.

His hands trailed up the small of your back and he found himself leaning in, compelled by a force he couldn’t resist. His lips found yours, and the kiss that followed was as much a search for answers as it was an expression of the remnants of love he has for you. He felt the warmth of your skin, the softness of your lips, and momentarily, it all made sense.

× × × ×

The streets were slick with rain, the neon lights of the city reflected off the wet pavement as Steve, Natasha, and Sam moved through the shadows. The mission was simple—take down the HYDRA operatives before they could unleash chaos. But nothing about this night was going according to plan.

A sudden blur of movement caught Steve’s attention, and he spun around just in time to raise his shield, blocking a powerful kick aimed at his head. The impact reverberated through the vibranium, the sheer force behind the blow surprising him. Whoever this was, they were no ordinary agent.

His attacker wore black from head to toe, a tactical mask obscuring your face, a hood pulled low over your eyes. Steve couldn’t see your face, but he could tell from the fluidity of their movements that you were highly trained—possibly even on par with him.

Without giving him a moment’s rest, you launched into a series of rapid strikes. Steve’s body reacted on instinct, parrying and blocking with precision honed from years of combat. But the ferocity and speed of the attacks were relentless, forcing him back step by step.

The fight was a brutal dance of skill and power. You used every inch of the narrow alley to your advantage, bouncing off walls, using the slippery ground to slide under Steve’s defenses, and striking at vulnerable points with deadly accuracy. Steve swung his shield in a wide arc, aiming to knock his opponent off balance, but then you ducked under it effortlessly, coming up with a knee strike that connected solidly with his midsection.

Steve grunted, the air forced from his lungs as he staggered back, but he quickly recovered, slamming his shield forward to create some distance between you. You leaped back with cat-like agility, landing silently several feet away. For a brief moment, you paused, tilting your head as if assessing him, before darting forward again with even more speed.

“Who the hell are you?” Steve growled, his voice low and filled with frustration as he swung his shield to intercept the incoming attack.

You didn’t respond, merely twisting your body mid-air, narrowly avoiding the shield before delivering a roundhouse kick aimed at Steve’s head. He barely had time to duck, feeling the rush of air as the boot sailed over his head.

In response, Steve drove his shoulder into your midsection, attempting to drive you into the wall, but you twisted your body, using the momentum to flip over him and deliver a brutal elbow strike to the back of his head. Steve stumbled forward, momentarily disoriented, but he quickly spun around, his shield raised defensively.

You advanced again, this time producing a pair of combat knives from your belt. The glint of the blades under the streetlights was enough to make Steve’s grip on his shield tighten.

“Knives, really?” Steve muttered, more to himself than to his opponent. He had faced down armies with just his fists, but this fight felt different—more personal, more dangerous.

You didn’t waste time with a response, instead rushing forward with both blades aimed at his vital points. Steve deflected the first strike with his shield, twisting his body to avoid the second, but you were relentless. You pressed the attack, slashing and stabbing with surgical precision, each strike aimed to cripple or kill.

Steve retaliated with a powerful swing of his shield, the force behind it enough to send most opponents flying, but you anticipated the move. You ducked low, sweeping your legs out to knock Steve off his feet. Steve managed to stay upright, but the move forced him to lose his balance, and you took advantage, driving one of the knives toward his chest.

In a split-second reaction, Steve angled his shield to deflect the blade, but the impact sent vibrations up his arm, nearly causing him to drop it. You didn’t let up, following up with a swift knee strike to his ribs, the force of it knocking the wind out of him.

Breathing heavily, Steve tried to reassess the situation. This was no ordinary operative—this was someone who had been trained specifically to counter him. And you were good. Too good.

“I’ve had enough of this,” Steve growled, pushing forward with renewed determination.

He swung his shield with all his might, aiming to knock you off balance, but you were ready. You caught the edge of the shield with both hands, the impact skidding you back several feet, your boots screeching against the wet pavement. With a grunt, you twirled in the air, using the momentum to hurl the shield back at Steve.

Steve barely had time to react, catching the shield just before it collided with his face. But the force behind it was immense, pushing him back a few steps.

Before he could press his advantage, you were on him again, this time using a combination of grappling techniques and martial arts to try and subdue him. You were quick, switching between jabs, hooks, and submission holds with fluid precision. At one point, you managed to lock Steve’s arm behind his back, twisting it at a painful angle as you tried to force him to the ground.

Steve gritted his teeth against the pain, refusing to go down. He planted his feet firmly and used his strength to break the hold, swinging his elbow back to catch the figure in the side. The blow connected, but you barely flinched, countering with a vicious headbutt that left Steve momentarily dazed.

You went for another knife strike, this time aiming for his throat. Steve caught your wrist mid-strike, twisting it with enough force to make you drop the knife. But instead of recoiling in pain, you used the momentum to flip Steve over your shoulder, slamming him into the ground with a force that left him gasping.

He struggled to get up, his vision swimming from the impact. You stood over him, a boot pressing down on his chest, pinning him in place. In a move born of desperation, Steve reached up, grabbing the edge of your mask and tearing it off.

Time seemed to slow as the mask came away, revealing the face beneath. Steve’s breath caught in his throat.

It was you, all along.

The world came to a stop as he stared up at you, his mind struggling to process what he was seeing. You—alive, but different. Your eyes, once filled with warmth and love, were now cold and distant, filled with a darkness he had never seen before.

“Y/N?” Steve’s voice was barely a whisper, shock and disbelief flooding his features.

For a split second, your cold facade cracked, a flash of recognition and pain crossing your features. But it was gone as quickly as it came, your expression hardening once more. You took advantage of Steve’s shock, delivering a swift punch to his jaw that sent him reeling.

Before Steve could fully recover, you turned and sprinted toward the nearest exit, moving with a speed that left Steve struggling to keep up. He scrambled to his feet, his heart pounding as he chased after you, but by the time he reached the door, you were already gone, disappearing into the night like a ghost.

Steve stood in the doorway, his heart heavy with the realization that the woman he had once loved was now his enemy. The Y/N he knew was gone, replaced by someone hardened by pain and anger.

× × × ×

Steve stood frozen in the doorway, trying to make sense of what had just happened. You're alive—and he let you disappear into the night, leaving him with more questions than answers. Before he could fully process what he had seen, a familiar voice crackled through his earpiece.

“Cap, we’ve got a situation here,” Tony’s voice was tense, though laced with his usual sarcasm. “I’ve got a guest who’s a little too enthusiastic for my taste. Could use some backup.”

Steve’s heart skipped a beat. “Tony, who is it?”

“Not sure, but she’s got one hell of a right hook and a serious attitude problem,” Tony replied, the sound of metal clashing and blasts firing in the background. “And oh, did I mention she can jump like the Hulk?”

Steve’s eyes widened. He had a sinking feeling he knew exactly who Tony was dealing with. Without wasting another second, he took off in the direction of the commotion, his heart pounding in his chest.

Tony, clad in his Iron Man suit, was locked in a fierce aerial battle with you, who was now maskless and fully visible. Your face was set in grim determination as you leapt into the air, your powerful legs propelling you high enough to meet Tony’s flight path. Each of your strikes was calculated, aimed at the joints and weaker points of the suit.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy there, Wonder Woman!” Tony said, dodging a particularly brutal punch that nearly dented his chest plate. “I’m not a piñata, you know!”

Your expression remained cold as you twisted in midair, avoiding a repulsor blast and landing a solid kick against Tony’s side, sending him spiraling briefly before he regained control.

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that!” Tony called out as he righted himself, flying in a tight circle around you before firing off another series of repulsor blasts. You dodged most of them with ease, but one caught you in the shoulder, causing you to grimace slightly. You recovered quickly, though, using the momentum to propel your back into the air, your fist aimed directly at Tony’s faceplate.

Tony barely had time to dodge, the blow glancing off his helmet with enough force to crack the HUD display.

“Okay, now you’re just being rude!” he said sarcastically, as he adjusted his flight path to put some distance between you.

You didn’t give him much room to breathe, though. With a powerful leap, you closed the gap between you, grabbing onto Tony’s arm and using your weight to pull him down. Both of you crashed into the ground with a thunderous impact, the pavement cracking beneath you. Tony groaned as he struggled to push you off, but your strength was overwhelming, even for the suit’s enhanced capabilities.

“Ever heard of personal space?” Tony grunted as he activated the suit’s thrusters, attempting to blast them both back into the air. You held on tightly, twisting his arm at an awkward angle that caused the servos in the suit to whine in protest.

“You talk too much,” You finally replied, your voice flat and cold as you released your grip on his arm and delivered a sharp kick to his midsection, sending him flying backward.

Tony recovered mid-flight, his repulsors flaring as he hovered a few feet off the ground, rubbing at the dent you'd left in his side.

“Yeah, well, it’s part of my charm,” he shot back, firing off another barrage of missiles in your direction.

You dodged with an almost effortless grace, leaping into the air once more and landing on top of a nearby building. You crouched low, your eyes locked on Tony as you prepared for the next move.

Tony hovered in place, watching you closely. “Seriously, what’s your deal? We just met, and you’re already throwing me around like a rag doll.”

Your expression didn’t change as you suddenly launched yourself off the building, your fist aimed directly at Tony’s chest. This time, though, you didn’t hold back. The impact was tremendous, sending Tony crashing through a parked car and skidding across the pavement.

Groaning, Tony pushed himself up, his HUD flickering from the damage. “Okay, that’s it. Playtime’s over.”

He activated the suit’s full power, repulsors blazing as he rocketed back toward you. The two of you clashed mid-air, exchanging blows at a speed and intensity that would have shattered ordinary opponents. But through it all, Tony couldn’t shake the feeling that you weren't giving it your all. There was a calculated precision in your strikes, as if you were testing him rather than trying to finish him off.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of trading hits, Tony managed to grab hold of your wrists, locking them in place with the suit’s enhanced grip. He lifted you off the ground, his repulsors ready to fire point-blank, “End of the line, lady. Let’s talk.”

You didn’t resist. Instead, you looked up at him with an unreadable expression, your body suddenly going limp.

“Fine,” you said, your voice eerily calm. “You win.”

Tony blinked, taken aback by the sudden shift. “Wait, seriously? That’s it?”

You simply nodded, allowing yourself to be restrained by the suit’s mechanisms.

“Take me in,” you said, your voice devoid of emotion. “I’m not going to fight anymore.”

Tony frowned, his instincts telling him something wasn’t right, but he didn’t press the issue. “Alright, let’s get you somewhere safe and figure out what the hell is going on.”

As Tony started to descend, Steve finally arrived on the scene, his shield at the ready. He took in the sight of Tony holding you, your face calm despite the situation, and his heart sank.

Tony looked at Steve and couldn’t help but say, “Well, look who decided to show up. Don’t worry, I had everything under control—just took a brief break to contemplate my life choices while getting pummeled.”

Your lips twitched a small smile at his comment.

Steve caught his breath as he assessed the situation. “Better late than never, right?”

“Next time, maybe give me a heads-up when you’re gonna leave me to play the lone hero. Could’ve at least brought popcorn to watch the show.” Tony shook his head.

Steve stared at your face, his eyes taking in every detail, even rubbing his eyes to make sure this was real. Tony furrowed his brows at Steve and exchanged glances between the two of you.

“So,” Tony finally broke the silence, his tone shifting to something more serious, “are we bringing her in, or are we just gonna stand here and play the ‘who blinks first’?”

× × × ×

The soft hum of the Helicarrier's engines was the only sound as the team gathered around the large, circular table. A few faces were still unfamiliar with each other—Natasha, Clint, and Sam exchanged glances as they settled into their seats. Tony, leaning back casually, eyed Steve, who stood apart from the group, a heavy tension radiating from him. It was clear that something weighed heavily on the Captain’s mind, something that no one had dared to address yet.

In the center of the table, a holographic screen flickered to life, casting an eerie blue glow over the faces of the Avengers. Fury stood at the head of the table, his expression as unreadable as ever.

"Listen up," Fury began, his voice commanding everyone's attention. "We've got a new player on the board, and she’s every bit as dangerous as the Winter Soldier."

With a tap of his finger, Fury brought up a series of video feeds on the screen, all showing various skirmishes involving HYDRA forces. But the common thread through each of these battles was a single figure: you.

The hologram shifted, showing footage of you in action, moving through a battlefield. Bullets ricocheted off you, seemingly ineffective as you advanced on your targets with single-minded precision. The final clip showed you taking down an entire squadron of soldiers without breaking a sweat, your movements efficient and deadly.

"Meet HYDRA's new secret weapon," Fury continued, his tone grim. "We don’t have a lot of intel on her, but what we do know isn’t good. She’s been operating under the radar, but make no mistake—she’s a force to be reckoned with. No hesitation, no mercy."

The profile flashed on the screen, sparse and incomplete:

Name: Unknown Age: Unknown Origin: Siberia

The room was silent as the team absorbed the information. Natasha’s eyes narrowed as she studied the footage, while Clint leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, deep in thought. Tony looked intrigued, his mind already racing with calculations and possibilities.

“She looks like she’s trained well. This isn’t someone who just stumbled into HYDRA’s ranks. She’s had years of experience.” Natasha commented before shifting her gaze to Fury.

“Years of brainwashing, you mean,” Tony added, his tone filled with dry sarcasm. “Another weaponized human for us to deal with. Just what we needed.”

Clint leaned forward, his eyes narrowing as he studied your image. "She doesn’t look like she’s been held against her will. If anything, she seems... committed.”

Fury nodded, his expression steely. “Our priority is figuring out her next move, because that,” he pointed at your live footage in the cell sitting calmly, “is not the type to surrender easily.”

Steve remained silent throughout the briefing, his jaw clenched tightly as he stared at the image of you on the screen. Fury’s words were sinking in, each one a painful reminder of how far you had fallen.

"We’ve already got her in a secure cell," Fury continued, his tone brokering no argument. "But I don’t think she’s going to stay quiet for long. Our best bet is to find out everything we can about her—where she’s been, what HYDRA’s done to her—and see if we can get ahead of this. We’re playing catch-up, and we can’t afford to stay behind for long.”

“How do you know if she’s going to cooperate?” Clint asked.

"We don’t," Fury admitted, his tone grim. "But that’s why we’re not taking any chances. She's locked down tighter than Fort Knox, and we're monitoring her every move.”

Fury’s gaze shifted to Steve, who had remained silent, staring intently at the image of you in the cell. The tension in the room was palpable as everyone waited to see if Steve would speak.

Finally, Fury broke the silence, addressing the room at large. "We don’t know what HYDRA’s endgame is here, but we do know they’ve put a lot of resources into this. We can’t underestimate her, and we can’t assume she’s alone. There’s more going on here, and we need to be prepared for anything.”

The team just nodded in unison.

Fury’s gaze swept across the team before he asked the question that was on everyone’s mind. "So, who wants the privilege of talking to her?"

The room fell silent as everyone considered the gravity of the situation. Natasha’s eyes narrowed slightly, her instincts telling her that this conversation would be more dangerous than any fight. Tony raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued by the challenge, but before anyone could volunteer, Steve finally spoke up, his voice steady but laced with emotion.

"I’ll do it," Steve said, his gaze never leaving the screen.

Tony glanced at Steve, then back at the image on the screen, and with a smirk, he added, "Well, she made Cap make friends with the floor, so I’ll come with. Can’t let him have all the fun, right?”

Steve shot Tony a look, but there was a hint of gratitude in his eyes. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy, and having Tony there might just make it a bit more bearable.

× × × ×

The interrogation room was cold, the walls made of reinforced steel, with a single table and three chairs bolted to the floor. The whole room was lit up, leaving no shadows around the room. You sat in one of the chairs, your hands cuffed securely in front of you, though the cuffs seemed more like a formality than a real deterrent.

Steve and Tony stood outside the observation window, looking in at you. Steve’s expression was tense, his eyes fixed on you, while Tony had a thoughtful look on his face, his usual humor subdued.

"You ready for this?" Tony asked, his voice unusually serious as he glanced at Steve.

Steve nodded, but there was a storm of emotions churning beneath his calm exterior. "Let’s get it over with."

They stepped into the room, the door closing behind them with a heavy thud. You didn’t look up as they entered, your gaze fixed on the table in front of you, as if you were lost in thought. But as they took their seats across from you, you slowly lifted your eyes, a faint, unreadable smile playing on your lips.

"Captain," you said, your voice cool and calm. "Mr. Stark."

“Hello Unknown—”

"Y/N," Steve replied, his tone heavy with the weight of your shared history.

Tony’s eyebrows shot up slightly at Steve’s use of your name, but he didn’t comment. Instead, his eyes flicked over to Steve with a look of mild surprise.

There was a moment of silence as the three of you sized each other up, the tension in the room palpable. Finally, Tony broke the silence, leaning back in his chair with a casual air that didn’t quite match the situation.

"So, Y/N," Tony began, quoting your name with his fingers, his tone conversational, almost friendly. "You know, I’m usually the one asking the questions, but let’s mix it up a bit. Why don’t you tell us why you decided to let us catch you?"

You raised an eyebrow at Tony’s question, your smile widening just a fraction. "Did I let you catch me? Or did you just get lucky?"

Tony smirked, twirling a fork he had slipped from the dining area between his fingers. "Oh, I don’t believe in luck. You’re too good to get caught by accident. So, what’s the plan? What’s HYDRA up to this time?"

"Wouldn’t you like to know?” You tilted your head slightly, considering your response.

Steve’s jaw clenched at your evasiveness, but he kept his voice steady as he spoke. "Y/N, we need to know what HYDRA’s planning. You can stop this. Whatever they’ve done to you, we can help."

Tony’s eyes shifted between you and Steve, the curiosity deepening. He still didn’t say anything about Steve using your name, but it was clear he had taken note of it.

You turned your gaze to Steve, staring daggers into him. "Help? Like you helped Bucky?" The question was pointed, sharp enough to draw blood.

Steve flinched, but he didn’t back down. “We’re trying to save you.”

“Save me?” You let out a small, bitter laugh. “You can’t even save yourselves.”

Tony cleared his throat, drawing your attention back to him. “Speaking of saving, I’ve been wondering about something.” He held up the fork, “Let’s try a little experiment.”

You raised an eyebrow, curiosity flickering in your eyes. "A fork? How quaint."

Tony grinned, twirling the fork between his fingers. "Well, I figured we’d see just how indestructible you really are."

Before Steve could protest, Tony reached across the table and pressed the fork against your forearm, applying pressure as if to test your skin. You didn’t flinch or move, simply watching him with an amused expression.

The fork bent under the pressure, the metal warping against your skin as if it were nothing more than a cheap plastic utensil. Tony released it, letting the mangled fork drop to the table with a clatter.

"Well, that’s definitely not normal.” Tony glanced at the bent fork, then back at you, his surprise quickly masked by his usual bravado.

"Satisfied?” You looked down at the fork, then back up at Tony, your eyebrows raised in a silent, almost mocking challenge.

Tony leaned back in his chair, clearly impressed, though he tried to hide it. "Well, I’ve seen weirder, but that’s up there."

Steve, who had been watching the exchange with frustration, finally spoke up. "Y/N, you don’t have to do this. Whatever HYDRA’s done to you, whatever they’ve made you believe, it doesn’t have to be this way."

You leaned forward slightly, your expression hardening. "Steve, you’re still so naive. This world doesn’t care about heroes or villains. It’s about power, control. And HYDRA... they understand that better than anyone."

Tony frowned, leaning forward as well. "So what’s your endgame? What do you get out of all this?"

You looked between the two of them, your smile fading as you considered the question. "Endgame? You really think it’s that simple? I’m just a piece on the board, Stark. The difference is, I know it."

Tony shook his head with a smirk. "You know, it’s a real shame you’re a total piece of shit because we would have made great friends. No offense, Cap." Tony lightly patted Steve on the shoulder.

You chuckled softly, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, trust me, Stark, it wouldn’t have worked out. I don’t play well with others."

“Yeah, I'm getting that vibe,” Tony chuckled, clearly enjoying the banter. “But let’s get back to you, I will ask again and you answer. What’s your deal? Why’d you let us catch you? Was it my charm? Steve’s good looks? Or were you just bored of winning?"

You leaned back in your chair, considering his words. "Let’s just say I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. You know, see if the Avengers are really as impressive as they say."

Tony leaned in, his grin widening. "And? What’s the verdict?"

You shrugged, your tone nonchalant. "You’re not bad. But I was expecting more... fireworks."

"Fireworks, huh?" Tony glanced at Steve with a smirk. "See, Cap? She’s got a sense of humor. Maybe we can work something out. Maybe you and I can grab a drink later, talk about how we both have a thing for breaking stuff.”

You shrugged, your expression indifferent. “Maybe in another life, Stark. But this one? Not a chance.”

“You’re more than just a piece on the board, Y/N. You always have been.” Steve’s eyes softened as he looked at you, his voice gentle but firm.

For the first time since the interrogation began, you seemed to hesitate, something flickering in your eyes. But it was gone as quickly as it came, replaced by the cold, detached mask you had worn since they had captured you.

"Believe what you want, Steve," you said quietly, leaning back in your chair. "But that doesn’t change anything."

Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Alright, this is getting us nowhere. We’ll be back, Y/N. And next time, maybe you’ll be in a more talkative mood."

You didn’t respond, simply watching as Tony and Steve stood up, the door to the interrogation room sliding open with a soft hiss. A small, knowing smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Just as they reached the door, you spoke up, your voice smooth and casual, but with an undercurrent of something darker.

“You might want to keep your friends close,” you murmured, your words barely louder than a whisper but sharp enough to cut through the air, “and your enemies... even closer. Not everyone at the top plays the game fairly.”

Steve paused, his hand on the door, glancing back at you.

Tony turned slightly, “What’s that supposed to mean?” Tony asked, frowning.

You just shrugged, your smile widening as if you were in on a joke they hadn’t figured out yet. “Just a piece of friendly advice. Sometimes the rot starts from within, and by the time you notice, it’s already spread too deep. But hey, what do I know?”

Steve exchanged a quick glance with Tony, the unspoken concern evident between them. But they knew better than to press you further—this was exactly the kind of mind game HYDRA would want you to play.

“Come on, let’s go,” Steve said, his voice tight as he opened the door.

Without another word, Steve turned and exited the room, Tony following close behind.

As the door shut behind them, you could still hear Tony muttering to Steve, “You think she’s just messing with us, or should we actually be worried?”

Steve’s silence was telling—whatever you meant, it had left him unsettled, and the cryptic warning echoed in his mind, feeding a growing sense of unease.

× × × ×

Flashback: Brooklyn, 1941

The night air was crisp, the sky above a sprawling canvas of twinkling stars that seemed to stretch on forever. You and Steve lay side by side on a worn-out blanket, nestled together on the rooftop of your apartment in Brooklyn. The city’s usual noise felt distant, like a faint echo, leaving only the serene hush of the night and the rhythmic beating of your hearts.

Steve’s hand found yours, his fingers intertwining with yours as he gazed up at the stars. “You ever think about what’s out there?” he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “What does it all mean?”

You turned your head to look at him, your face illuminated by the soft glow of the moon. “Sometimes,” you replied, a small smile playing on your lips. “But mostly, I think about what’s right here. Right now.”

“Well, if you’re not thinking about aliens or flying cars, I guess you’ve got your priorities straight.” Steve chuckled, the sound low and warm, and you felt it reverberate through the quiet night.

You nudged him playfully with your shoulder. “And what about you, Rogers? Are you spending all your time up here daydreaming about little green men?”

Steve grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Maybe,” he teased. “Or maybe I’m just trying to figure out how I ended up here with the prettiest girl in Brooklyn.”

You rolled your eyes, though you couldn’t help the warmth that spread through your chest at his words. “Flattery will get you everywhere, soldier.”

“I’m counting on it,” Steve said with a wink, and you both laughed softly, the sound mingling with the rustling of the breeze.

After a moment, the laughter faded, replaced by a comfortable silence. Steve turned onto his side so he could face you fully, his expression softening as he reached out to brush a strand of hair away from your face, his touch lingering as he tucked it behind your ear.

“Y/N,” he began, his voice suddenly more serious. “I know I’m not the strongest or the fastest... and I know I don’t have much to offer, but... I want you to know something.”

You squeezed his hand gently, encouraging him to continue. “What is it, Steve?”

He took a deep breath, his thumb brushing lightly over your knuckles as he spoke. “I care about you, more than I’ve ever cared about anyone. And I promise you, no matter what happens... I’ll protect you. I’ll stand by you. I’ll take care of you, always.”

Your heart swelled at his words, and you felt a warmth spread through your chest as you looked into his eyes, seeing the depth of his sincerity.

“Steve,” you whispered, your voice trembling slightly. “You don’t have to be anything more than who you are. That’s more than enough for me.”

Steve smiled, a mixture of relief and affection in his eyes. “You really mean that?”

“Of course I do,” you replied, squeezing his hand again. “But just so you know, I’m pretty good at taking care of myself too. So maybe we can take care of each other?”

Steve’s smile widened, and he nodded. “Deal.”

With a playful grin, you held up your pinky finger. “Pinky promise?”

Steve raised an eyebrow, amused. “Pinky promise? Are we twelve?”

You smirked, undeterred. “Just humor me, Rogers.”

Steve chuckled and linked his pinky with yours. “Alright, pinky promise.”

You both shook on it, the moment feeling almost sacred in its simplicity. When your hands released, you shifted closer, resting your head on Steve’s chest as his arm wrapped securely around you. The warmth of his embrace made you feel safe, as if nothing in the world could touch you as long as you were together.

“You know,” Steve said after a few moments of comfortable silence, “I’m pretty sure pinky promises are unbreakable.”

You grinned, your eyes still fixed on the stars above. “That’s the idea.”

Steve pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head, his voice barely more than a breath. “I’ll never break it. I promise.”

For a while, neither of you spoke, the only sound was the soft rustling of the night breeze and the steady beat of Steve’s heart beneath your ear. The world below faded into nothingness, leaving just the two of you under the vast expanse of the starry sky, wrapped in the warmth of each other’s presence.

In that moment, everything felt right. The future, with all its uncertainties, seemed far away. All that mattered was the here and now, and the love you shared under the Brooklyn sky.

Present Day

Steve stood alone in the observation room, the weight of his guilt pressing down on him. His thoughts were consumed by the memory you shared together, of the promises he had made and the promises he had failed to keep.

With a heavy sigh, he reached into the pocket of his uniform and pulled out a small, worn photograph. The edges were frayed from years of handling, and the image itself had started to fade, but it was still clear enough to see your smiling face. It was a picture taken long ago, back when things were simpler, back when the world hadn’t yet taken its toll on either of you.

In the photograph, you were laughing, your eyes crinkling at the corners in that way that had always made his heart skip a beat. You were leaning into him, and he had his arm around your shoulders, both of you looking so carefree, so happy. It was a moment frozen in time, a snapshot of a life that felt like it belonged to someone else now.

Steve’s thumb brushed over the image of your face, and he felt a lump rise in his throat. This photo had been his lifeline during the war, and later, in the years after he was thawed out, it had been his constant reminder of what he had lost.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he stared at the picture. He couldn’t reconcile the person in this photograph with the one he had fought against. It was like looking at two different people—one filled with love and warmth, and the other filled with anger and pain.

He clenched his jaw, trying to keep himself from breaking down. He couldn’t afford to lose control, not now, not when everything was on the line. But the pain was too much, the guilt too overwhelming. He had kept this photo with him through everything, as a reminder of what he was fighting for, of the life he wanted to get back to. But now, it only served as a cruel reminder of what he had failed to protect.

Steve sank into a nearby chair, his head bowed as he continued to stare at the photograph. The tears he had tried to hold back slipped down his cheeks, and he didn’t bother to wipe them away. All he could do was sit there, lost in his grief, mourning the girl he had loved and the girl he had lost, even though you were still alive.

The photograph trembled in his hands as he struggled to hold onto it, to hold onto the memory of who you had been. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the image of what you had become. It haunted him, tearing at his heart, filling him with a despair so deep he wasn’t sure he could ever claw his way out.

× × × ×

0145 HRS

Steve walked back into the cell, the harsh fluorescent lights now turned on, casting cold, unyielding shadows on the walls. You were exactly where he and Tony had left you, your posture calm, almost unnervingly so. Your cuffed wrist rested on the table, fingers lightly drumming a rhythm that matched the distant hum of the Helicarrier’s engines.

Steve sat across from you, the silence between you stretching out like a chasm. The harsh fluorescent lights above cast unforgiving shadows on your face, but your expression remained indifferent, almost bored. You leaned back in the metal chair and watched Steve with a look that could only be described as disdainful amusement.

“So,” you drawled, breaking the silence with a voice dripping in mockery, “The great Captain America finally graces me with his presence. I must say, I’m flattered. Though, I’m starting to think you only come around when your self-righteousness needs a little top-up.”

Steve’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t rise to the bait. He simply stared at you, his blue eyes searching for something—anything—familiar in your expression. But the person he had known, the person he had loved, was buried deep beneath the venom you now spewed.

“You’ve changed,” Steve said quietly.

You laughed, a cold, bitter sound that echoed in the small room. “Changed? Oh, you have no idea, Rogers. But then again, you were never very good at noticing the little details, were you? Too busy playing the hero, too busy saving the world to see the knife twisting in my back. Or was it your shield?”

“Y/N…” Steve began, his tone pleading, but you cut him off with a sharp, derisive laugh.

“Save it,” you snapped, your eyes narrowing with malice. “You’re not here to save me, Steve. You’re here to soothe your guilty conscience. But don’t worry, I’ll make this easy for you—there’s nothing left to save. I’m not your little damsel in distress, waiting for her knight in shining spandex to swoop in and make everything better.”

Steve flinched at your words, the pain in his chest growing sharper with every vile sentence that left your lips. "I never saw you as someone who needed saving," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "You were always strong, Y/N. You didn’t need me to be a hero for you."

"Spare me the heartfelt bullshit, Steve," you sneered, leaning forward in your chair, your eyes blazing with animosity. "You wanted to be the hero because it made you feel good, made you feel important. But where were you when I needed you? Off playing soldier, marching to the beat of your outdated ideals while I was left to rot in the dirt."

Steve opened his mouth to respond, but you didn’t give him the chance. You leaned back, your gaze cold and calculating, a twisted smile curling on your lips.

"You know," you continued, your tone almost conversational, "there’s something deeply satisfying about watching someone like you squirm. All that virtue, all that righteousness—it’s like watching a statue crumble. Beautiful, in a way. Don’t you think?"

Steve swallowed hard, his heart breaking as he listened to you tear into him with every word. But he didn’t waver. He couldn’t. "Y/N, whatever HYDRA did to you, we can fix it. We can help you."

"Help?" you scoffed, rolling your eyes. "The only thing you can do for me now is get out of my way. Or better yet, go crawl back into whatever hole you came out of and stay there. You’ve done enough damage as it is."

"HYDRA twisted you, made you into something you’re not," Steve insisted, his voice growing firmer. "This isn’t who you are."

Suddenly, your eyes flashed with a fierce intensity as you leaned forward, your voice rising, "You think you know me? You think you understand what I’ve been through !? What you put me through!?" Your hands clenched into fists as you stood up and with a surge of strength, the metal cuffs binding your wrists snapped in half, the sound echoing through the cell.

Steve instinctively went on the defensive, his hand hovering over the duress button. The sudden shift in his posture—the instinct to guard himself against you—didn’t go unnoticed.

For a moment, the room was filled with a tense silence, your breaths heavy, your eyes locked on Steve. Then, slowly, a dark, humorless laugh bubbled up from your throat, filling the space between you.

"See?" you said, your voice laced with bitterness and scorn. "You’re no different from the rest of them. The moment I show you my true strength, you recoil like I’m some kind of beast. Because that’s all you see, isn’t it? A serum-made monster.”

You plopped yourself back into the chair, pulling the metal cuffs off of your wrist like it was a piece of paper and tossed them on the table with a clatter.

Steve’s eyes widened, shocked when you mentioned serum. "Y/N, don’t do this. You don’t have to be this person."

You stared at him for a long moment, your expression hardening. “You’re right,” you said, nodding, “I don’t have to be this person. But I choose to be. Because this world doesn’t deserve anything better.”

Steve’s heart sank as he realized just how far you had fallen, how deep the hatred and anger ran in your veins. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

“Sorry?” you echoed, your tone mocking. “Sorry doesn’t fix anything, Steve. Sorry doesn’t undo the years of pain, the betrayal, the lies. Sorry is just a word, a meaningless sound that people like you throw around to make themselves feel better.”

Steve stood up slowly, his movements heavy with the weight of your words. “I promised I’d always protect you,” he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “And I’m not giving up on that promise.”

You rolled your eyes, a look of pure contempt on your face. “How noble. But I’m not the girl you promised to protect, Steve. She’s dead. And the person sitting in front of you doesn’t need your protection.”

Steve sat there, unable to move, as the weight of your words settled heavily on his shoulders. He had lost you, not just to HYDRA, but to the darkness that had taken root in your heart—a darkness that he had played a part in fostering.

“What do you want then?”

Your smile turned cold again, more sinister than before. "I want to watch this world burn. I want to see the so-called heroes fall, one by one. Starting with you."

With a heavy heart, Steve got up, seeing as there was no getting through to you. Steve’s expression hardened slightly, and as he turned to leave, he paused at the door, his hand resting on the cold metal handle.

Without looking back, he spoke, his voice steady, “A serum, huh? Thanks for the information.” with that the door closed behind Steve with a final, echoing thud.

The smile that had been twisted in mockery only moments before now faltered, the edges softening into something more conflicted.

You had let it slip.

You had revealed more than you intended—an error that was unlike you, and that fact alone gnawed at the edges of your mind. You had given Steve a piece of the puzzle, and that meant the game had changed.

Your lips curled back into a smirk, but it lacked the malice it once had. If Steve wanted to play the hero, to dig into the truth of what had happened to you, then let him try. Let him chase the shadows and secrets you had buried. But even as you tried to convince yourself that you still held the upper hand, the nagging doubt remained and it won't be leaving your head soon.

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