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squintyeyedjoel · 1 month

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Through Your Eyes | Part 2 - More than Meets the Eye (Joel x Reader)

A/N: IT’S FINALLY FUCKING HERE!!!! I’m so sorry it took so long! I’ve been sitting on this for almost a year and it’s just been evolving and marinating and improving, and I hope it lives up to the hype. It’s time for it to be set free. ✨ This is truly a hybrid of game and show Joel. I see them both, hence both gifs.

I do not own The Last of Us or it’s characters. Sadly. But I carry them in my heart. Does that count for something? My soul says yes.

Warnings: Oooo, this one’s a doozy. So many things. (Let me know if I miss anything.) 😮‍💨 Some original characters, mentions of an elderly family member passing, lots of canon violence and swearing, (this one is a big one. Like a lot. There’s a hefty amount of swearing.) mention of attempted sexual assault (not to reader) without detail, graphic description of injury (not to reader) and blood, attempted abduction? Reader is a badass and sports a black eye and bloody knuckles with pride. Panic attack? But Joel scares it away. 😌 We round it all out with obscene amounts of fluff and humor between it all, sweet moments, and just soft things. It’s me. I can’t not. No use of Y/N.

Word count: 11,928

Thank you to @fordo-kixed-rex for reading over this five bazillion times for me and fangirling over it when I was having my down moments. You’re a real one.

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Xxx

You rocked in the saddle of your horse as she slowly followed behind the first few people in the group.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Over.

And over.

Some quicker footfalls to your left made you turn your head, seeing Joel atop his horse come alongside you before slowing his steed back to the slow crawl the rest had fallen into.

“You okay?” He mumbled. “Look like you’re about to fall asleep.”

“Don’t tempt me,” you groused, turning back to face forward with a yawn.

He huffed out a laugh before shaking his head at you almost imperceptibly, nudging his horse to go a little faster toward the front of the group.

Watching him with narrowed brows, you saw everyone else make sure to steer clear of him, giving him a wide berth and a clear path to the front. Tommy’s words from that first day rang in your head.

“You saw a side of Joel right out the gate some wait a lifetime to miss.”

Joel whistled loudly, gathering everyone’s attention, as the whole party came to a stop. “Alright! Listen up!” Some grumbles began to go around, but stopped with one crook of his brow. “That’s an awful lot of yappin’ for people suppose t’be listenin’.”

If a pin had dropped in the grass underfoot, it would have echoed in the vast forest around you. Even nature seemed to heed his warning, only a few stray birds chirping somewhere in the distance brave enough to break the silence. A lone frog echoed in a nearby creek bed. A few bugs buzzed by, trying to ease the tension, and it seemed to work, because finally Joel went on after staring at everybody.

“We need to pick up the pace. This isn’t a leisurely walk to the park and back. We have a goal we need to get to, and back, and we got one week to do it.”

“Who made you the boss?” Some poor brave soul asked from behind you. A young man, maybe in his mid twenties from how he sounded. You didn’t dare turn to look at him, not wanting to move your eyes from Joel, because if looks could kill…. Joel would currently be facing a serious charge for the way he was glowering at the faceless voice behind you.

“Common sense.” A few small laughs went around the group, the corner of Joel’s mouth twitching up just slightly when he saw you shake your head with a smirk. “This was my run- our run,” he pointed to you then back to himself before retaking the reins to his horse, “and the council thought it best you all tag along to bring the most back we could. Now I don’t mind-”

“Yes, you do,” another voice behind you said, female, almost teasingly, making another round of soft laughter go around.

“Fine. I mind. A lot. But we’re here now. So, since you’re tagging along on our run, what we say goes. Agreed?” When no one protested, he gestured you up to the front with a tilt of his head, going on while you nudged your horse forward.

“Now, we need to move faster. Any bandits or infected we pass by would pick us off like flies at this pace. The cart will be the slowest, I want the four of you to stay with the cart at all times and watch all four sides.” He pointed to four individuals who nodded, moving toward the cart pulled by a single horse and rider.

“The three of you pull up the rear.” More pointing and nodding. “The rest of you, in the middle. Keep your eyes open. Everyone keep at a steady pace, we camp at sundown wherever that is. Don’t push your horses too far.” He began to turn his own mount to move forward. “Not their fault we’re a bunch of dumbasses.”

“I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard him say at once,” you heard someone mutter behind you, making you smile.

“At once? Try ever,” another retorted.

Joel looked over at you. “What? Why you grinnin’?”

“They respect you.”

He scoffed. “That so hard to believe?”

“It’s a side of you I’ve not seen before. I’m used to bad puns and screwdrivers, not….” You made a swooping gesture to the group behind you, “that.”

He shook his head once, tisking at you. “Shows what you know. I’m actually partly in charge of security around Jackson.”

Your eyes widened as you turned as much as your saddle would allow to look at him, the leather creaking against the movement. “Really?”

He nodded once in confirmation, a proud smile starting up his face. “Only a part time type’f thing, and it’s purely on a trial basis right now, but…. Yeah.” He grinned brightly at you. “The jokin’ and woodworkin’ are just for fun.” The smile turned somewhat dopey and lopsided.

“There’s more to you than meets the eye, Joel Miller.” He rolled his eyes at you, the grin melting into a scoff and his signature sour expression with impressive speed. Though his eyes still shone brightly, giving away his true amusement. “And I’m gonna try to see it all.”

Shaking his head at you again, Joel looked back forward, nudging his horse to go a bit faster and pull ahead of you. “Nah. Not that deep, darlin’.”

Urging your mount forward, you maneuvered to your right, and fell in beside him with a grin. “That’s what you think.”

Joel tilted his head down and to the side toward you as he spoke for emphasis, keeping his eyes forward. “That’s what I know.” He cut his gaze to you briefly after a moment to try and drive his point home before straightening back up in his saddle, his eyes going studiously back to the wide expanse of land ahead.

Your grin melted into a smirk, seemingly a new permanent fixture since moving to Jackson. Or more specifically, since moving in with Joel and Ellie. That thought made the side of your mouth tick even higher. “We’ll see.”

Xxx

In the chaos of starting up a new life in Jackson, you’d overlooked one little detail. While you could repair and paint just about anything on your own, you were shit at stitching any stuffed toys back together Joel happened on during runs. It was possible, but it was slow going, and to be honest, looked a bit like field dressings for a battle wound instead of repairs.

You’d thrown the last attempt of an old wrinkled teddy bear at Joel when he’d called it Sargent Cuddles, Ellie only adding to the confirmation when she asked if you could make an eyepatch for the bear instead to cover the deep scar you’d given it by way of cross stitches.

Halfway through that first week, you’d walked into the town’s seamstress with the best smelling cinnamon loaf the bakery had to offer, fresh and steaming, under your arm. When the girl behind the counter stopped what she was doing, setting down the socks she was darning while her nose went high in the air like a bloodhound as she took a deep sniff with her eyes glassed over, you grinned.

Target acquired.

“Can I help you?” Her voice was soft and kind, and her smile as she rose to her feet from the chair helped settle any trepidation you felt about reaching out.

People hadn’t always been kind about your hobby, for one reason or another, hence why you came with bribes at the ready. But you had a feeling this time would be different. You smirked as she nonchalantly eyed the loaf under your arm.

“Hi! Yeah! I’m the one who restores the toys? I opened up in the old bookstore down the street?” You introduced yourself, and recognition went off behind her eyes at the sound of your name.

“Oh! Joel’s girl!”

Your breath caught in your chest as your head gave a little shake of confusion at the declaration. “What?”

She chuckled somewhat nervously. “No! No, not like that, I mean…. His neighbor. His new lodger. The one in the attic.” She was talking a mile a minute. “Not his ‘his’ girl….” She slapped a palm to her forehead, cradling her head in her hand as she rocked it back and forth before pulling back just enough to look at you conspiratorially. “But can you imagine?”

After a moment of silence where you both simply stared at each other, soft laughter took over, melting the tension between you.

“Let me start over,” she huffed, lowering her hand from her face to extend it to you in greeting. “I’m Jane. Nice to meet you.”

As you shook her hand, you couldn’t help but smile at her antics. “Likewise.”

Jane turned her attention back down to the socks she had abandoned when you came in, fiddling with them absently before she looked back up at you, a soft tint of embarrassment staining her cheeks. “So, what brings you here?”

“Oh! Right.” Setting the loaf on the counter, you shrugged the backpack off your shoulder and set it down beside the bread, fishing out the few stuffed animals Joel had brought back that needed the most help. “I was hoping we could work out a deal. I can do some basic stitching, but even then, Joel and Ellie have compared my work to that of a field medic more than anything.”

Jane snickered at the comment as she took one of the worn stuffed animals, turning it over in her hands and analyzing it as you continued.

“People trade me all sorts of goods for these, like this loaf.” You gestured to it with a bob of your head, then placed your hand on the still steaming bread. “The baker’s son has a birthday coming up, and she wanted something special. Joel and Tommy don’t always bring back stuffed animals so it wouldn’t be constant work, but I was hoping when they do, I could bring them here, and we could work out some sort of trade system for the repairs-”

“No need,” Jane said, smiling down at the stuffed tiger in her hands. You arched a brow at her, waiting for her to go on, and she finally tore her gaze away from the toy and up to you. “I had one just like this as a kid. Loved it to bits. It looked like it had been through the wars before I lost it, patches everywhere and stuffing missing so it was lumpy…. I learned to sew on that thing.” Jane looked back at the toy again fondly. “I’ll help you. All I ask is that I get to keep this one, and maybe one every few runs if they happen to stumble on any others like I used to have. I…. I had a collection.”

When she brought her gaze back up to meet yours, her eyes were misty. “It was small, but it was everything to me. Got a new one every year when I was little from my grandparents. Stopped when I hit that certain age where adults deem you too old for those things. Which was fine.” She sniffed, a tear falling silently down her cheek. “Then my grandpa he…. He started having memory issues.” She took a deep, shaky breath, smiling sadly at the toy. “Regressed a certain amount of years…. Just so happened to be when I was a certain age, still, in his mind, and he got me a stuffed toy every year for my birthday, until….”

You reached out, placing your hand over hers. “Keep whatever you want. You don’t even have to do repairs to keep them.” She began to protest, swiping at her tears with the back of the hand still holding the tiger when you squeezed her other hand gently. “The whole reason I’m doing this in the first place is to help bring some joy back into the world. And I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy, without me lording something over you like demanding a trade in exchange-”

Jane flipped her hand in your grip, squeezing you like you had her. “And doing this will make me happy.” You studied her for a long moment. “Do you know how boring it is to darn a sock?” You snorted a laugh, and she smiled. “Everybody in this damn town needs to take better care of their socks, I swear…. I’m up to my eyeballs in them. Nothing would make me happier than to work on something that would be giving back more to the community than dumb stinky, holey, wool.”

With a nod, you gave her hand still in your grip one firm shake, a grin crawling up your face. “It’s a deal. I’ll try to tackle the easy ones and send the few in need of more love your way. But!” You let go of her hand and held up a finger, wagging it like you were lecturing a petulant child. “I’m also dropping some of these goods by, too.” Patting the bread on the counter before softly pushing it closer toward her, you laughed at her show stopping grin and good-natured roll of her eyes in response.

“Fine,” she mumbled around the smile, the sound anything but angry. “If you insist.”

A few days later, you’d dropped a few stuffed animals off to her that Joel had stumbled on during patrol, Ellie tagging along with you. She had opted to stay outside the shop while you went in though, leaning against the doorframe by the front window, taking in the sights and sounds of the city street.

“Not a fan of needles,” she mumbled, glancing into the shop as you opened the door to go in.

“This isn’t that kind of needle.”

“I said what I said.”

You didn’t press her on it, just nodded and mumbled an ‘okay’ before disappearing into the shop.

“Hey!” Jane greeted you, pushing aside her current project immediately to make room for the box you were carrying. “Oh, these are cute!” She picked one up in each hand, lifting them up to look at them better before trading them out for another and repeating the process until each patient had been analyzed. “They’ll be easy.” She turned to you with a smile. “I’ll be done by this weekend.”

“No rush!” You assured her as she set the box behind the counter. “If you’re not done until then, you’ll have to leave them with Tommy, though. I’m going out of town with Joel on a run, it’ll take a few days, maybe a week max. We leave tomorrow. Though, no, actually, you can just leave them with Ellie, what am I saying-”

“You’re doing what?” She interrupted you.

Focusing back on her face, you tried to get back on topic. “What? Oh, yeah! We’re going back to where I lived right before Jackson to get the stores of paints and stuff I had. Bucket loads of it, no pun intended.” You turned to look at Ellie over your shoulder. “She’s rubbing off on me in more ways than one, I guess….”

“Is it just you and Joel?”

Her question caught you off guard, pulling your gaze back to her with knit brows. “It was going to be, but the council decided it was a ‘waste of resources’, so we have to take a little group with us. Why?”

“I’m coming with you.” No hesitation, just straight to the point.

Your eyes went wide. “What? Why?”

“You said you lived about a week north, right? Near the university?”

“Yeah. Because of the university, there were storage units nearby, used to be climate controlled before everything, now they’re just enclosed spaces with extra security to keep clickers n’ shit out. I lived in one, worked in another, and stored in a third. Got pretty good at picking locks, too.” You smirked.

Her eyes were wide and serious. “The ones by the north end of campus?”

Your expression went flat. “Don’t tell me….”

“I lived in an abandoned place on the south end of campus.” She had started to grin like a Cheshire Cat. “We probably were within spittin’ distance of each other and didn’t even know it.”

A laugh barked out of your chest, several more tumbling out after it until you were bent over her counter on your elbows, wheezing. Pushing up to rest on your forearms you met her gaze again, amusement on both your faces. “No fucking way.”

“I left a sewing machine behind. It was there when I moved in, and I hope it’s still there and still works, heaven knows, but…. The buildings by the school had power when the Fireflies were there. I’d use it when I could, and I was able to do so much more work. Now that I’m here I could actually make use of it with all that I have on my plate, and the dam giving us electricity….” She sighed dreamily. “I’m going. That’s final.”

Before you could respond, the bell over the door jingled, making you stand up straight and turn to look at the newcomer.

“Everything okay?” Ellie’s voice was soft as she poked her head in, causing you to do a double take. “I heard raised voices.”

You nodded once. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re all good. Just excited. Turns out we lived right by each other before moving here.”

“Oh shit! No way!” She stood up straight with a wide grin, stepping fully into the shop and letting the door close behind her.

“Language,” you scowled.

“Sorry, Miss Fanny,” she looked sheepish, spinning on her heel dramatically before exiting the shop.

You turned back to Jane who looked on amused. “She thinks she’s funny because I use a fanny pack.” Plopping onto a tall stool that sat in front of the counter, you stared at your friend.

Jane let out a low ‘ah’ as if she now understood everything.

Knitting your brows before arching one, you leaned on one elbow on the counter. “What?”

“Why is she outside?” She asked as she fiddled with some projects behind the counter.

“Said she ‘wasn’t a fan of needles’,” you mumbled, air quoting her words as you turned to look back at Ellie through the window. “Whatever that means.”

Jane hummed in understanding, drawing your eyes back to her. “Tommy got really drunk at the bar one night after I first got here. Saying all kinds of shit. People kept walking off because he wouldn’t shut up, so I opted to walk him home to Maria. It wasn’t far, and he’s a good guy. Anyway, on the way to his house, he starts mutterin’ about his brother and his new kid, how they just got back from some failed medical something or other with the Fireflies, most of it was unintelligible.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at Ellie. You followed her gaze, finding the teen walking back and forth in the shade in front of the building, scuffing her heels as she went, and kicking rocks.

“Then, he got real sad, and said somethin’ about how he’d sent them to the university right after seein’ him for the first time in months. It was to get info on where to go for the medical procedure, I guess. Anyway.” She took a deep breath. “Apparently they got ambushed there, and Joel got stabbed real bad, almost didn’t make it. That girl out there had to care for him for weeks, drag him somewhere safe, stitch him up….”

Your breath caught in your chest as she paused for emphasis, unable to tear your eyes from Ellie as emotion swelled in your gut for your fellow housemates, but especially the tiny redhead on the other side of the glass.

“Tommy was real broken up about it. Said Joel almost died, and he felt like it was his fault. Ellie had to hunt, and somehow got Joel medicine.”

You turned to face Jane again. “How?”

“Those details weren’t real clear.” She shrugged. “Like I said, he was plastered. Maybe this whole story is some drunken imagining, but the way he sounded compared to all the shit he said in the bar?” Her face melted into something between sadness and understanding. “I’m inclined to believe him.”

She took a hesitant breath, but stopped before letting it out slowly, then closed her eyes for a moment. After another shallow breath, she opened them to focus on you, and tried again, her voice even softer still.

“We’d made it to his house by this point. Maria had come out and was helping me to get him inside, up the porch steps…. And he just broke down halfway up. Sat down, broke down, and started sobbing. Made it even harder to understand.” She rolled her eyes and you chuckled softly. “He said something about the medicine came at too high a cost. That Ellie paid…. Would be paying….” Jane swallowed roughly, looking to the girl through the window with something akin to admiration, then back at you. “He said it changed her.”

“Changed?” You could only whisper.

“Broke her. He said whatever happened was enough to take a spitfire, and make her an ember.” You both looked back at the teen one last time. “She’s improved a lot. I’ve seen her grow, come out of her shell just since I’ve been here, but…. It’s her eyes. They’re haunted. Whatever happened out there…. It didn’t stay out there. And it ain’t leavin’ anytime soon.”

“That explains a lot. About both of them,” you mused quietly.

“Joel I don’t know much about. He’s just the town grump.”

Despite the dark turn the conversation had taken, you burst out laughing, seeing Ellie turn toward the window at the sound with a grin.

“Everyone keeps telling me that, even him, but I just don’t see it!”

Jane’s face turned up in amusement softly. “Well, maybe you’re just one of the lucky ones like Ellie, and he likes you.”

“I think he tolerates me.” You looked across your shoulder at her, getting back to your feet from the stool you’d been perched on and faced her fully. “I live in his house. It’d be awkward if we hated each other.”

“True,” she grinned smugly.

“What?”

“You’ll figure it out.”

Xxx

Jane came riding up beside you, smiling wider than the canyon you’d passed a few miles back.

“I’m gonna regret askin’ but what in the hell has you happier than a butterfly on a daisy?”

“That’s not a real saying,” Jane mumbled, looking at you through skeptical, knit brows.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not applicable,” you countered, your own brows arched high in challenge.

With a roll of her eyes and a sigh, Jane circled back to the topic at hand. “We’re out in the open!” She whispered, excitement lacing her tone. “I love Jackson, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so nice to be able to breathe.”

A smirk made its way up your face. “I know what you mean. Problem is you trade security for a great wide unknown. The possibilities of things that can go wrong out here are much scarier than anything in Jackson.”

She pulled a face. “Nothin’s gonna go wrong when we have a man like Joel leading us. He knows what he’s doing.”

“Most of the time,” you mumbled. “The rest he’s just wingin’ it.”

“Heard that,” Joel grumbled as he passed by your other side, pulling in front of you from the back of the group where he was making rounds. “You’re one to talk.” He looked over his shoulder at you, face stoic as ever, but his eyes showed his amusement.

“I know things,” you shot back, head tilted back to look down your nose at him. “Lots of stuff.”

“Oh, I see,” his tone was condescending, but playful. “Stuff.”

“And things.”

“Oh, we mustn't forget the things….”

“Yeah, okay.” You looked to the side with an unamused grin. “Fuck you, Joel.”

“I mean, if you’re offerin’….”

Your jaw dropped as your head turned slowly to face him, eyes wide as you simply stared at him in shock.

He smirked. “What? You can dish it, but you can’t take it?” Joel’s tone was nothing but teasing, his eyes dancing with unspoken amusement.

Narrowing your eyes at him, his smile faltered slightly. “You have no idea what I can take.” Nudging your horse forward to fall into step beside him, you held his gaze with your head high, brow arched. “And I don’t think you want to find out.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“When I push back. You wouldn’t be able to handle it, Joel.”

He cleared his throat. “Look, I was just messing around. This wasn’t supposed to take such a serious turn. I’m sor-”

You couldn’t take it anymore. The laugh tumbled out of your mouth before you could catch it, more and more coming out to join it.

Joel lowered his brows, glaring at you. “That ain’t funny.”

Wheezing, you pointed at him. “You should have seen your face!”

A horse trotting up beside you made you turn, expecting to see Jane once again at your side, but all you were met with was her horse, sans rider. You thought quickly enough to grab the reins and guide it along with you, before you looked back at Joel, finding his eyes already searching the group. Turning, you tried to sit higher in your saddle for a better vantage point, when movement out of the corner of your eye caught your attention.

Near the tree line, Jane struggled in the arms of a man as he yanked her back towards the cover of the woods, none too delicately, one hand over her mouth to keep her quiet.

“Jane!” You yelled at the top of your lungs, and you could see when she heard you, her body going rigid in her captor's hold.

The man yelped, pulling his hand back from her mouth and shaking it.

She must have bit him.

Before you could fully process much of anything else, Jane was screaming at the top of her lungs, “Run!”

The hand was back over her mouth before she could say anything else, the raider pulling them both back until they disappeared into the trees, Jane putting up a violent struggle as they went.

Not willing to look away from where she disappeared, you called out for Joel, and he was beside you in an instant. His horse picked up on the sudden unease spreading over the group, shifting its weight from foot to foot restlessly.

“We’ll get her, darlin’,” Joel reassured in a low voice. “Don’t you worry. We ain’t-”

Suddenly the entire group was surrounded by raiders, guns and knives of various sizes pointed towards every member of your party, violent threats being traded back and forth from both sides.

While you had thought your group was large, this bandit raid made your numbers pale in comparison. At least double your head count at first glance, easily. And you had a feeling more were lurking in the shadows somewhere, if what had happened to Jane was any indication.

You noticed that while several of the men aimed menacing looking rifles at your party, they lacked the magazines full of ammunition to back them up. Leaning toward Joel as subtly as you could when they ordered everyone to dismount their horses, you mumbled under your breath, “They have no bullets.”

He looked at you in confusion for just a moment, brows knit until one of the raiders yelled loudly and pulled his attention away.

Falling in behind him, you whispered again, “Their rifles. They have no ammunition. No magazines. It’s all for show.” You saw the moment the information registered for him, his shoulders setting a bit broader, and his head held just that much higher.

A raider a few feet to your right was eyeing you skeptically, looking like he might dismount his horse any second and make a move toward you, so you pretended to trip into the back of Joel, smirking into his chest when he caught you.

Without missing a beat, his arm firmly around your shoulders to steady you, Joel went straight for negotiations, trying to talk the men down, offering supplies, whatever they wanted. You weren’t far from Jackson, it was a smart move. You could get back and recoup your losses in no time. But people? You can’t replace them.

“Nah,” the head honcho said with a sarcastic sneer. “We’ve got somethin’ else’n mind.”

You didn’t like the sound of that.

The raider in charge gestured Joel over to a smaller group of his men, which he obeyed reluctantly. After looking down at you for a moment, offering the most subtle nod you’d ever seen a person give, he began to move toward the small group of raiders.

The boss stopped him just short of the rest and asked him a question in a low voice, which Joel answered softly, shooting you a look which you couldn’t quite read. You couldn’t quite make out what he said, either, but then the head raider decided to make a scene, show who was in charge, and it all made sense.

In a loud voice, full of bravado and misplaced charisma, the raider turned back to your group with arms spread wide, rifle held lazily in one hand, and called for Joel’s second in command - Will - to hop down and join his ‘fearless leader’.

Surrounded by the smaller group of thugs, you could tell what the goal was…. They meant to make a spectacle for the rest of you. Take the leaders down, the rest will follow. But Joel didn’t let them get that far. He mumbled something to Will so subtly, you almost missed it, but you saw the younger man’s eyes dart to one of the raider’s guns, and you immediately knew where this was headed.

It all went by in a blur, and yet it was like you could see every detail in painful accuracy. And you couldn’t look away.

In an instant Joel had dropped three of the men in the smaller group surrounding them.

Will another two.

They both had commandeered their own rifles back off of those men, and they were now aimed at the remaining two raiders around their small group.

The one in front of Joel began to move forward, only making Joel smirk as he jerked the bolt action on the rifle. “Try it.” The raider stopped, making Joel’s smirk only rise higher up his cheek. “Good choice.”

That’s when all hell broke loose.

It was almost like someone kicked a pile of ants. The stillness of the valley you were in was broken and everyone swarmed at once. A cacophony of sounds clashing all around you.

You went on autopilot for most of it, simply fighting for your life and that of those in your group. It could have been hours or only minutes later, but the next time you really started to pay attention, or frankly, were able to focus on any one thing in particular, you saw a raider sneaking up on Will a few paces in front of you, and you lifted the rifle you’d snagged off of one of the men you’d taken down.

“Hey, bucko!” The raider froze and turned to you with a sneer, the expression falling off his face when he came nose to nose with the muzzle of your rifle. You cocked the bolt action just for added effect, chambering a bullet as you somehow had found the one locked and loaded gun the raiders had. Hands lifted in surrender, he slowly took a resigned step backwards, grip tightening around the knife still clutched in his right hand. “Drop it,” you ordered, narrowing your eyes at his slight smirk. “Nice and easy, now.”

Will turned to see what the fuss was, his eyes going wide when he realized what had happened. He looked between you and the raider from over the bandit’s shoulder, raising a brow at you in question, but you motioned him on with a jerk of your head to the left, keeping the rifle braced on your right shoulder and aimed at the raider. “I got it. Go help the others.”

Nodding, Will took off toward the remaining chaos, leaving you with the scumbag at the end of your barrel. He started to move after Will but you tisked, taking a step closer. “Not a good idea.” The lowlife hissed through his teeth in aggravation, but you cut him off before he could even start in on an actual sentence. “Knife. Ground. Now.” With a half step forward for emphasis, you gestured toward the field underfoot with your rifle before centering your sights back on their target.

The man arched his back away from you as you took the small step closer, his hands shooting up higher beside his head. He then began to slowly lower to his haunches to lay the blade on the grass, his other hand still held up in surrender. His eyes flitted from the weapon to something behind you, and before he could set it all the way down, or you could turn to look, an arm wrapped around your neck, cutting off your air supply.

Both the man behind you and the man in front of you laughed, cheering at your misfortune as you dropped your rifle, the weight of the weapon jerking its strap across your shoulders as it fell to your side.

You clawed at the arm wrapped around your neck, gasping for air, and grunting as you tried to get a shot in with your elbow, but he pinned down your arms with his other arm wrapping around your torso.

A voice close to your ear leered, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. It’ll all be over soon.”

The raider in front of you suddenly started screaming, dropping the blade in his hand in order to clutch his knee, blood pouring violently from a wound made by a large pocket knife you’d know anywhere protruding from its side.

“Don’t move!”

All three sets of eyes pulled over to find Joel standing just a few feet away, rifle raised and aimed at the raider now in a heap on the ground. His gun swung over to the man still holding you hostage, a dark chuckle rippling out through the chest pressed closely to your spine at the movement, and it made your skin crawl.

“Let ‘er go,” Joel said in a low voice, something dark and menacing thrown right back at the thief trying to steal your life away.

“Nah,” the man said after a minute, amusement heavy in his tone. “We’re just havin’ too much fun, aren’t we, sweetheart?” He tightened his grip around your neck as he pulled you closer, squishing his cheek to yours in mock affection.

You mumbled something as best you could, but it came out all garbled from the pressure on your windpipe.

“Aw, I’m sorry, I’m bein’ mean, aren’t I?” His tone was mocking. He loosened his grip slightly, the arm around your midsection disappearing altogether as he twisted slightly to get a better view of your face. “Now, try that again?”

“I said,” your voice was hoarse from the struggle, so you cleared your throat, shifting your weight slightly as you looked to Joel with wide eyes in mock fear. “I said-” In one smooth motion, you swung the butt of your rifle up and back, and slammed the man in the face, squinting when blood sprayed out of his mouth and onto your cheek.

Taking the opportunity, you elbowed him in the ribs, before stomping on his foot, spinning around once his arm around your neck released you and kneeing him in the crotch.

Stepping closer to him once he fell to his knees cradling his damaged manhood, you looked down at him as you wiped his blood from your cheek with the back of your sleeve. “I said fuck you.”

With a quick jerk of your knee to his face, the raider fell backwards, out cold. You turned to face his friend who laid in a ball on the ground, hands gripped tightly around the knife still protruding from his knee.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He began to try and scramble back, looking to Joel for some sort of help as you approached.

Joel only shrugged, looking at you with wide eyes for just a moment before turning back to the poor man. “Hell hath no fury ‘n all that….”

Kneeling in front of the man, you smiled disarmingly sweet. Reaching out to grip the knife, you looked up at Joel. “This yours?” Lifting a brow at your rhetorical question, you knew very well it was his, he nodded. With a yank, you pulled it out of the man’s leg, his screams cut short when you elbowed him in the face, knocking him out like his companion.

Lifting your rifle slightly, Joel began to make a fuss, “Darlin’, they’re down-” but he stopped when you over exaggeratedly clicked on the safety, lifting a sarcastic brow at him. Rising to your feet, you wiped the blade off on your jeans before closing it and handing it back to Joel.

He took it cautiously, watching as you rubbed at your throat with a wince. “Thanks.”

“No, thank you. If you hadn’t shown up and distracted them, I wouldn’t have been able to get the jump on ‘em.”

He looked at the two men before looking back at you, his eyes flitting down to the rifle for the briefest of moments. “Looks like you would’ve been just fine.”

You leaned in closer to him, adjusting the weapon’s strap across your chest. “Take the compliment, Joel.”

He grinned softly. “Yes ma’am, Miss Fanny.”

You groaned at the nickname. “You know what? I don’t even really mind.”

It looked like Joel wanted to say more, but other members of your group came running up, looking around frantically only to find all the enemies already taken care of.

“We didn’t hear any shots,” Will said absently, staring at the two motionless forms on the ground after a wary glance. “Thought you might need some help.” After a long moment of silence, he looked from you, to Joel, then the raiders. “They still alive?” He pointed toward the men, one of them stirring with a pained moan.

“Only just,” Joel mumbled, watching the one man begin to roll to his side, the one who had held on to you, before his gaze flicked to the other, noticing his breaths becoming shallower and shallower. Gesturing to the latter with his rifle still held in his hands, he looked back up at Will. “That one’s not longed for this world if you don’t get something to stop the bleedin’. Need information from both, preferably.”

Will nodded, motioning to the others with a nod of his head, quickly moving toward the raiders.

You had turned toward Joel, your back to the men when a twisted voice rose up behind you, slurring around laughter as if it knew the funniest joke in all the world.

“Well, sweetheart, I’m just so goddamn sorry things didn’t work out ‘tween us.”

Joel glared at the raider over your shoulder. “Stop talking, asshole,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes as he took a step closer to the man, slightly in front of you. Turning to face the man yourself, you thought you’d steeled yourself for whatever you’d see, but the twisted smirk you were met with made your stomach drop.

Laughter turned to wheezing, wet coughs before the man spit off to the side in front of him, blood painting the ground an ugly, violent color. He lifted his head just enough to look at you again, snickering as he peered through his lashes. “I had such plans for you….”

“I said be quiet,” Joel’s voice had grown more firm, and he opted to step to the side, obscuring your view of the creep instead of taking any steps closer.

“Oh, but they were nothin’ compared to what we were gonna do to that little friend of yours…. That blonde? Whoo! She was feisty!”

“Can somebody shut him the fuck up!” Joel bellowed, turning to the group simply standing by and watching the exchange.

Will shrugged off his outer layer flannel, balling it up as he stomped toward the man and began to shove it in his mouth.

The man weaseled back away from the cloth, shouting with wild eyes, “You’ll never find her!” His following laughter was muffled around the material, manic and unhinged.

“Will, I need you to….” Joel trailed off when you put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him to the side gently. He tried to stop you walking towards the lunatic, but you met his gaze with your own, unwavering, and he let you go, following close behind, one hand adjusting his grip on his rifle as he held it loosely just in case.

Kneeling down in front of the man, you got close to his face. “What did you do with Jane?” Your voice was so low and quiet, you barely recognized it.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” The man mumbled around the shirt, eyes wild and sure of himself.

Looking down toward the ground, you huffed out an unamused laugh. “I’m going to ask you one more time,” you lifted your gaze to look at him straight on again, “and you’re going to tell me, or else my friends are going to be not so nice to you.” The man scoffed. “What did you do…. with Jane?”

The man leaned forward, his nose almost touching yours. “Go fuck yourself, bitch.”

Without hesitation, you slammed Joel’s pocket knife you’d swiped from his jacket a moment ago into the man’s hand where it rested on the ground with your left hand, yanking the shirt out of his mouth as he screamed with your right, and tackled him backwards onto the ground, pinning your right forearm against his throat. As he struggled against your hold, you twisted the knife still gripped tightly in your hand, making him settle into the dirt.

“Okay! Okay! Okay! Fuck! Just stop!” He looked at Joel with wide, wild eyes. “Get the bitch off me!”

You noticed some of your party moving toward you, but they stopped with a hand motion from Joel.

He studied you with an unreadable expression before looking back at the man and jutting his chin toward you. “Tell her what she wants t’know.”

“Get her off me first!”

“Talk!” You growled, digging your arm in further, making him gasp. When he turned a defiant look up your way, your knee ‘slipped’ where you straddled him and landed dangerously close to his ego once again.

“Okay, okay, goddamn!” He wheezed, collapsing fully into the ground below him, eyes fluttering shut as his face twisted in pain.

It was all you could do to repress the triumphant smirk wanting to crawl up your face, your brows arching in amusement instead.

“She’s back at our camp. ‘Least that’s where we left her. Don’t know how she’d move much after what boss did, though.” He looked back up at you again, everything about his expression amused, and nothing seemed to dull it, even as you pressed your arm harder into his throat, only causing his words to take on a sinister hiss. “He stuck her good. You think this little knife is somethin’, you should see the one he used on-” his words trailed off on a gurgled chuckle as you continued to lean into him.

“Hey,” Joel’s calm voice near your ear made you pause, staring down at the creep. “We need him alive, darlin’. Stop.” A warm strong hand gripping your upper arm firmly made you lift off the man just slightly, glaring down at him as he sucked in a breath and started coughing, grinning up at you triumphantly. He hissed with a wince when you yanked out the knife, bringing the hand close to his chest to hold it tight with his other, and wrapped it haphazardly with the flannel Will had shoved in his mouth to stop the bleeding.

“You Jacksoner’s are all the same,” he shook his head in amusement. “Bleeding hearts, all of ya!” He grinned up at the group in the most sinister way you’d ever seen. “And that is why you’re all gonna burn.”

At that, Joel was yanking you off the raider and pulling him up to a seated position with both hands twisted into his jacket, getting right into his face with the most menacing voice you’d heard yet. “What did you just say?”

The man just smiled a tight lipped smile, eyebrows shooting up before he used his good hand to pantomime locking his mouth and tossing away the key.

“They had a bunch of dead guns. No ammunition. How in the hell were they planning to do something to Jackson?” You mused offhandedly, mostly talking to yourself.

“Guns ain’t the only way to make somebody bleed,” the freak singsonged, looking at you gleefully.

You glared at him. “I liked you better out cold.”

He guffawed. “I liked you better up close….”

Joel gave the man a forceful shake by the front of his shirt still in his grip. “What’d I say?” The man rolled his head back to Joel with a bored look, his lips twitching up just slightly. “Y’either start talkin’ ‘bout somethin’ important I want t’hear about, or I’ll reach my hand so far down your Goddamn-”

“This one’s not doing well, Joel,” one of the party mentioned, checking the pulse of the other raider. “We need to get them back to camp.”

The man in Joel’s grip slowly melted into a wide grin. “Looks like you need me now more than ever.”

Joel began to smirk, and it made the raider’s sure grin falter. “Yeah, but that can change real quick.” He shoved the man back, rising to his full height before turning back toward you and walking quickly. A hand closing around your arm once again, you followed where it led.

“Get them to camp. Will, get a party of four together and come with us to go get Jane. The rest of these assholes are dead, there’s no one to keep her there anymore. She probably tried to run, and if she’s injured, we need to spread out and cover as much ground as possible.”

He stopped, looking over his shoulder when no one was moving. “Let’s go!”

When he turned to look down at you, you saw something in his eyes close to fear. “We’ll find her, Joel.”

He held your gaze as he kept moving you further away from the scene. “I know, darlin’.” He looked forward again, walking a bit faster. “I know. Now let’s get goin’. Sun’s gonna be settin’ real soon.”

Xxx

As the two of you made your way in the direction the thug had sent you in, your mind began to wander.

“What if it’s the wrong direction, Joel?”

“He said go east-”

“No, I know.” You closed your eyes briefly as you took in a sharp breath through your nose before looking forward once again. “But what if he lied?”

Joel sighed, looking down at his feet as he continued to walk. “Darlin’,” he looked deep in thought but also at a loss for words at the same time. It was such an inextricably Joel thing to do, it almost pulled a smile up one side of your face.

Almost.

Glancing over his shoulder toward the small group that was following along to help, the rest staying behind with the two assholes, he then took a step closer to you, speaking in a low voice.

“He very well may’ve.” When your eyes went wide, Joel was quick to continue on. “But,” he smiled at your now narrowed glare. “I’ve been patrolling these hills for a few years, now. Never out this far, mind you, but I know the general area. There’s a stream that runs not far from here. Anyone with any brains would camp near it. I know the worlds gone t’shit, but I refuse to believe we as a species have fallen that far that fast.”

His smile spread a little further at your soft chuckle.

“Touché, Miller. Touché.”

Grinning like a child, Joel turned back to the rest of the group, his expression turning stony in an instant. “The rest of you, fan out!” His voice was a low hiss. “Keep quiet and keep aware. These trees are dense from here on out to the creek. Keep a lookout. I’m not responsible for your own stupidity.”

Good-natured eye rolls went around as the few people spread into the trees starting to populate the clearing you’d been passing through.

Joel grabbed your arm when you went to take a step forward. “Not you.” He shook his head gently when you looked up at him. “You’re coming with me.”

“I’ll stay within sight,” you argued, pulling your arm from his grip. “I’m not a child, Joel.”

“No, you don’t-”

“I can take care of myself.” Taking a few steps forward into the tree line, you looked for any signs of life, but before you could get far, Joel’s voice was at your ear again.

“Don’t-”

He yanked you back into him, making you stumble into his chest. Lifting your head up to glare at him, you came nearly nose to nose as he looked down at you and you looked up at him. Your breath stopped, catching in your chest as your eyes scanned his face.

“Tripwire,” he mumbled, his eyes firmly watching your lips as they moved soundlessly in shock.

“Thanks,” you finally managed, closing your mouth and clearing your throat.

Joel nodded.

You went to take a step back, looking over your shoulder towards the trap, but his grip on your upper arm wouldn’t let you move.

Turning back to look at him in question, your curious expression melted when you found him even closer than before, his eyes cast down as his nose lightly bumped the side of yours.

The distance continued to close, only a breath left between you when a faint scuffle then a thud was heard, making you both pull apart like lightning.

Turning, the two of you saw Will suspended upside down by his ankle from a nearby tree.

“Careful. Tripwire,” you grinned.

Will smirked sardonically, arms coming to cross over his chest after batting away his flannel outer layer that hung in his face since he was inverted - he’d dug out a spare from his bag after using his original to shove into the mouth of the crazy raider. “We found a blood trail.”

The smile fell off your face as your gut sank. “That’s-”

“A good thing,” Will cut you off. “Means she was moving. She was alive.” After a loaded moment of shared looks, he cleared his throat. “Can someone cut me down, please? I’m getting woozy.”

Xxx

You only encountered a few stragglers at the camp, Joel earning some bloody knuckles and you a black eye, but the remaining members of the bandit group lay in lifeless heaps at the feet of your group when it was all said and done. There was no chance for prisoners, they weren’t going to be taken alive.

Which meant that one idiot back at the camp who’d tried to kill you had to stay alive if you wanted any answers.

The thought of that made you start to hyperventilate.

Which wasn’t like you.

You took everything in stride, this new world required it, but suddenly you felt his arm around your neck again, and you began to claw at the phantom limb, gasping for air as tears began to stream silently down your face.

You couldn’t look anywhere without seeing a body, violence, bloodshed….

Can’t breathe….

Everything blurred by as you faintly registered your feet moving you forward, a warm hand around your forearm pulling you gently along before the firm press of tree bark met your back with a gentle thump.

The soft trace of rough, callused fingers making their way past your cheeks to rest behind your ears drew a shiver from your bones. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. You’re good. It’s over. I’m here.” Joel’s mumbled words vibrated somewhere in front of you, desperately grasping at you to give you something to hold onto. Cradling your face in his hands, Joel stood toe to toe with you. He took a small step closer and leaned down, pressing his forehead to your own as you fought for air. “Nothing’s gonna get you. I won’t let it.”

The phantom touch of that asshole’s arm around your throat still constricted your airway, threatening to make the world cave in.

Joel reached up to gently grab your hands still frantically clawing at your throat, placing them on either side of his ribcage, and you clutched onto his flannel under his jacket for dear life. The warmth from his body heat radiated into your palms and sent a wave of something down to your toes. Worrying the threadbare fabric between your fingers mindlessly, Joel seemed to notice and step even closer still, enough that a deep enough breath would close the distance.

Though, as you thought about it, how he still had room to maneuver any further into you was a mystery, you didn’t even know it was possible. It seemed like every part of you was wrapped up in every part of him.

His voice drew your thoughts back to the present. “Hey, hey. Shhhh…. No more. He’s gone.” Did his voice just crack? “It’s over.” His voice grew a little firmer, if not quieter. “It’s over.”

If only he knew, you weren’t struggling to breathe because of the remnants of a panic attack anymore. No, now it was his proximity. His warm breath fanning across your face as he mumbled words of peace. The press of his skin against yours as he cradled your face so gingerly.

Time stopped, the world ceased its spinning, and suddenly all that was left was this right here between the two of you. This quiet moment, in the middle of a forest, painted in violence and hope, in fear and tenacity, in…. Vibrant shades of both of you.

Will walked up around the tree quietly, clearing his throat softly. “Some of these men were dead long before we got here.”

“Jane,” you smiled.

“That girl sure is a spit fire,” Joel remarked with his own grin, pulling away from you just slightly, but still keeping you in his hold.

Turning to Will, you steeled your shoulders. “Take me to the blood trail.”

Xxx

It took all of ten minutes of tracking to find Jane leaning against a tree with her back to you, heaving breaths as the right side of her shirt was stained crimson. The violent splotch was spreading, whatever wound obviously still angry and weeping under her white shirt, her outer layer long gone and forgotten in the chaos by now.

“Jane?” You called out softly from several yards back. A twig snapped under foot, causing a flock of birds in the trees above to startle and take flight in a whir of wings and wind.

She whirled around, knife held out in front of her at the ready, eyes wide and wild from the adrenaline. When she realized who it was, relief washed over her features so strongly it brought tears to your eyes. She dropped the blade to the ground with a clatter and slumped the side of her shoulder against the tree with a huff.

“Took you long enough,” she breathed in amusement, turning so her back was to the tree with her head thrown back, her face toward the sky, wincing in pain.

Before you could even make a move towards her, Will was there helping her back to her feet, scooping her up bridal style and carrying her back towards camp, her head on his shoulder as she went limp, finally able to rest.

Will glanced back when no one else moved. “Come on!” He whisper shouted. “She needs help as soon as possible, or I’m going to-” He caught himself. “We’re going to lose her.”

As the group moved in unison behind a speedwalking Will, you glanced up at Joel in amusement. “Do you think he knows?”

Joel shook his head with a grin. “Everyone else does, so no, probably not.”

You chuckled, despite the situation. It was probably the relief that she was alive finally catching up with you. “That girl’s got his number.”

Huffing a laugh, Joel looked at the back of Will’s head as he rapidly disappeared at the front of the group. “Wrapped around her little finger like those little things she uses to protect herself when she sews back at her shop. Oh, what’re they called?”

You stared at him for a long moment before quietly suggesting in hesitation, “Thimbles?”

Joel slapped his thigh before pointing at you with a renewed grin. “That’s the one!”

With a shake of your head, you turned back to face forward and head up toward the front with your friends. “Ellie was right. You’re losing it, old man.”

“Ain’t old,” he grumbled, his face instantly turning sour. “Jus‘ ‘xperienced.”

“Then you should know all the words, Joel.” You smirked. “No excuses.”

“I do know all the words,” he groused. “That’s the problem. I know too much, my brain can’t keep up.”

You turned to face him, walking backwards. “Sure. That’s the problem.”

“I know things,” he shot back, echoing your words from earlier, his head tilted back to look down his nose at you in a mirror image as he continued to mock your earlier statement. “Lots of stuff.”

“Oh, I see,” your tone was condescending, but playful as you mimicked him right back. “Stuff.”

“And things.” He was trying so hard not to smile.

You were not, letting the grin spread broadly across your face. “Oh, we mustn't forget the things….”

“Yeah, okay.” Joel looked to the side to try and hide his amused grin. “Fuck you, darlin’.”

“I mean, if you’re offerin’….”

His head snapped back to look at you in surprise as you threw his words right back at him yet again. Joel opened his mouth to refute, but you cut him off with a grin.

“I’m going to go make sure he doesn’t promise her his house or something. Boy would give her half of Jackson if he could.”

“He can have your half, you jackass,” Joel grumbled playfully as you turned back to face the front of the group. “Mine ain’t for sale. Don’t care how pretty you are.”

You glanced over your shoulder, fluttering your lashes ridiculously. “You think I’m pretty?”

“I meant her,” Joel gestured to your friends with his rifle still loosely gripped in his hands, strap slung over his shoulders, at the ready just in case, like always. “Ain’t nothin’ pretty ‘bout what you just said.”

“I only spoke the truth.”

“You’re only makin’ it worse.”

Xxx

The sun was setting by the time Joel was able to pry you away from Jane. You hadn’t wanted to leave her side as Will took it upon himself to treat and dress her wound.

You held her hand as she grunted in pain while he disinfected the area with a bottle of alcohol someone had brought, then stitched it up. Luckily the blade had missed anything vital, and hadn’t been rusty, thank goodness.

So far this whole trip had been getting by by the skin of your teeth, and that didn’t bode well with you.

Once she fell asleep, Joel coaxed you over to a clearing not too far away for a breath. A bucket full of water from the nearby stream had been brought to wash the blood off your hands.

Staring down at the water as it turned pink under your touch, tinged with the blood of your friend, you looked up when a shadow crossed over the little bit of sunlight left in the day.

Joel stood just in front of the dying light, backlit and a silhouette as he extended a…. rock? to you.

“That creek is fed from the mountains. Snow melt. Coldest thing around. Best alternative to ice we’ve got right now.” You narrowed your brows at him, making him sigh in frustration. “For your eye,” he said as if it were obvious.

“Oh,” you said dumbly and took it, lightly resting it against your left eyebrow where you felt the worst of the black eye forming. The cool, smooth stone instantly offered some relief for an ache you hadn’t even realized you had, making you groan softly, and shut your eyes with a grateful sigh. “Thank you.”

He nodded. “Mmm-hmm.” The side of his mouth twitched up as he lowered himself to the ground beside you with a quiet groan. “T’ain’t nothin’.”

Pulling the stone away to examine it for a moment, you arched a brow when Joel slowly pressed it back to your head. “Don’t work if you don’t keep it there, darlin’.”

“Really?” You said as sarcastically as you could muster.

“Huh-uh,” he confirmed with a gentle shake of his head, keeping the stone pressed firmly to your skin. “It’s not a comfort by osmosis thing.”

“No healing by proxy?” You groused, despite the smile working its way up your face, your one good eye squinting from the held back laughter you were just managing to reign in as you looked up at him.

The corner of his mouth lifted so high a dimple creased his cheek. “Now wouldn’t that be somethin’,” he mused softly.

The two of you sat in comfortable quiet for a long moment, his hand still holding the rock to your head gently until you finally decided it was time to break the silence.

“So what’s the plan from here, Mr. partially-in-charge-of-security?”

Joel’s hand fell from you with a sigh as he shook his head slightly in disbelief, his gaze turned forward as if he couldn’t even bear to look at you after an attempt at a joke that bad. “I’ve been goin’ over it in my head since we left their camp-”

“That must’ve been painful,” you muttered, grinning innocently when he cut his eyes over to you.

They shut briefly with another loaded sigh before they fluttered open and he turned to look at the forest on his right while he continued. “Best I can come up with-” he held a finger up in front of your face without a glance back your way. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

You stared at his finger inches from your nose. “I wasn’t-” You totally were.

The finger began to wag as his head rolled back to level you with a look. “Now, we both know that’s a lie, darlin’.” You shrank under his continued stare and he went on. “Best I can think of is to send the majority back home since we’re still so close to Jackson. Have them protect Jane and those two raiders we got to interrogate.” His arms were propped up on his bent knees, and his fist clenched at the mention of the thugs.

After he stared off vacantly for a moment, he brought his gaze back onto you. “That means the cart is going to have to go back with them, though. Jane’s in no condition to walk, and you did a number on asshole number one.” He chuckled.

“Don’t even worry about the cart,” you waved him off. “Jane is more important. What about asshole number two?” Rubbing your throat absently with the hand not holding the rock to your head, you stared into the trees straight ahead before you realized what you were doing and lowered your hand, turning your gaze back to Joel. “He can still walk just fine.” You tilted your head in thought for a moment. “May be a little bit more of a waddle, but….”

Joel chuckled darkly, hanging his head as his shoulders shook with the laughter. Finally he looked up at you through his lashes, a conniving expression twinkling in his eyes. “Let the little ugly duckling waddle back, then.”

“How will we be sure he doesn’t waddle off?”

“I’ve been known to tie a knot or two in my day.”

As the novelty of the whole situation wore off, you turned to face Joel a bit more fully, letting the hand that held the rock fall from its spot against your face to rest in your lap, ignoring Joel’s scowl in protest.

“You said most of the group. Joel, we should all go back. Safety in numbers. Making sure everyone is safe is more important than my paint-”

“Safety in numbers. Exactly. That’s why most’f’em are goin’ back. We only need a few t’do this run. It also made us a target bein’ such a big group. The council made a shit decision ‘bout that. There’s a reason patrols’re only two people.” He looked out at the woods again. “It was temptin’ to leave it just the two’f us as originally planned, but, after yesterday, even you could see the perks’f havin’ a few extra people should somethin’ happen.”

“Quality not quantity.”

Joel bobbed his head, his eyes shining proudly as you understood. “‘xactly.”

Something wasn’t sitting right. “But what about the threats, Joel? They said somethin’ about Jackson was gonna burn….”

“People say all kinds o’shit when you’ve got a pocket knife in one hand n’your knee pinnin’ their crotch to the dirt.”

You let out a snort, unable to contain your laughter at his blunt explanation. “Can’t say you’re wrong there.”

Joel leaned back with a contented sigh, propping his arm up on his bent leg. “I’m never wrong.”

You let out another snort of laughter, more bubbling up and out when he shot you a glare.

Xxx

That night, just as the sun began to set, Joel slammed the back tailgate of the cart shut after helping Jane up into it.

“You good?” He asked quietly, his voice soft and kind.

“I’ll be fine. Thank you, Joel.” Jane reached out a hand to rest on his shoulder.

“Not worried ‘bout you, sweetheart,” he mumbled, his eyes darting over to the wounded raider sitting as far from him as he could get in the front corner of the cart. The bandit cowered under his stare but stayed silent. “Was more worried ‘bout him.” Joel looked at Jane pointedly as he explained, his head tilted forward while he looked at her through his lashes and arched brows.

“Like I said,” Jane spoke firmly, her voice low and even as she turned to look at the asshole, making him cower even further. “I’ll be fine.”

“Whaddabout me?” The second bandit who had tried to choke you said loudly and amusedly from where he stood behind the cart a few feet away from Joel, his hands bound by one end of rope and the other end tied to the back of the cart. “Do I get a send off from tall, dark and brooding?”

Joel turned to him without even fully looking at the man, cocking his rifle as he spoke on a tired sigh. “That can be arranged.”

The raider guffawed as he stumbled back a few steps, Joel striding forward the ground he lost, while you stepped in between, hands extended.

“Stop. There’s no time for this.” Turning to face Joel, you lowered your arms. “Joel, let the little shit leave.”

The raider’s voice rose behind you like a forgotten tendril of smoke, thin and pungent, just enough to remind you it was there. “Ain’t nothin’ little ‘bout me, darlin’.”

Without a second thought, you whirled around and clocked the thug in the eye, making him stumble back further, the rope stretching to its limit and yanking him forward to his knees.

“Except your brain, apparently.” You shook out your hand to your side, the impact from the punch leaving a searing sting across your knuckles. “You don’t get to call me that.”

“What do I get to call you then?” The man sneered, bringing his bound hands up to swipe at his face.

You took a step closer, smirking, and enjoyed how the amused sparkle in his eyes faltered slightly at the sight. “Whatever you say when you’re begging for your life, tough guy.”

The man swallowed nervously, despite his narrowed eyes of contempt. “I don’t beg for anything. From anyone. ‘specially not you.”

You let your eyes travel up and down the length of him slowly in an unnerving appraisal. “We’ll just see about that. Won’t we, Joel?”

“Lookin’ forward t’hearin’ just how loudly he won’t beg….” Joel mused behind you.

“Fuck. You,” the man hissed.

“No. Thanks,” you sneered back.

Will pulled your attention away as he stepped up on the wheel of the cart to lean in beside Jane, his weight making the whole thing squeak under the pressure. “Are you sure you don’t need me to come with you to keep this asshole in line?” He jerked his head toward the guy tethered at the back.

Jane smiled and patted Will’s cheek lightly. “I think I’ll be just fine. Like I told Joel.” Her eyes flicked between the two of them. Her voice sickly sweet. “Now if you two don’t stop coddling me, one of you is going to be injured and sitting beside me on this trip back to Jackson. So shut,” she looked at Will, “your,” Joel, “piehole.” She looked at you.

You raised your hands in surrender. “Me? “ They turned out in question. “What did I do?!”

She shrugged, her head tilting just slightly. “It was preemptive.” Leaning towards Will again, she kissed him on the cheek, smiling when he began to sputter and turn six shades of red. “Stay with Joel. He needs you here more than he’ll admit.”

“I heard that,” Joel grumbled, walking past the end of the cart as he began to check in with the rest of the group.

“Good. You were meant to,” Jane grinned, lurching slightly as the cart began to move forward, Will jumping from the wheel before it could turn fully.

As the bandit walked past Will, he turned to him with a sadistic grin. “Don’t I get a goodbye kiss, handsome?”

“Sure,” Will said with a disarming smile, making the other man stumble for a moment. The next he was stumbling further after Will sucker punched him in the mouth. “How was that? Was it good for you, too?”

The raider in the cart was looking on wide eyed, but you caught him grinning slightly at the exchange, looking away quickly to try and hide it when Will glanced his way.

Jane was laughing as the cart began to disappear into the sunset. Her head thrown back, eyes closed, hand over her stomach type laughter. “Don’t make me laugh! It hurts!”

Will gave a dopey grin as he watched them disappear into the dying light, Jane and the bandit tied to the back of the cart bickering back and forth about nonsense that you couldn’t quite make out at this distance, but you could tell she wasn’t taking any shit.

“She’ll be okay.” You walked up to Will, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I know.” He was distant, his mind a million miles off. “I know.”

Xxx

Tags: @dilf-din @lupinpetersclearwaterodairparker @what-the-heckin-heck @telarnidaniela @kalea-bane @morgaussy @enjoythelittlethings @paleidiot @telepathay @carlyreneeinthemoon @competitivedust @ruthyalva96 @brittmb115 @azure-waves @hiddenbabynyc @regalwhovianbrowncoat774 @heather1482 @stevie75 @hotzaddypedro

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romana-after-dark · 11 months

Text

Dirty Little Secret

Darkish!Joel Miller x Fem!reader

Main account @romanarose

Summary: Joel doesn't acknowledge you exist, outside of when Ellie is away and he fucks you into the mattress before sending you on your way. So, you make him jealous. Finally, Joel decides to lay his claim.

Warnings: PIV sex, riding Joel, slapping, choking, hair pulling, cutting, carving into skin, violence, possessive Joel, jealous behavior, toxic relationship? idk. If i miss anything lmk!!!! general dark content nothing like the wildness in The Wrong Way but still.

I started writing this a few weeks ago, then I saw @toxicanonymity posted something similar in their Raider Joel series. I reached out and asked if they wanted me to wait on posting this since they have similar concepts and they were kind enough to not have any problem with me posting this, but I wanted to plug their raider series anyway. It's incredible and if you like this or my raider Joel series, the wrong way, you'll love this one!!!

***********

Joel Miller was desperate to teach you that you belonged to him, and him alone. He’d carve it into you if he had to.

“Think you can just whore yourself out for a drink huh?” He spoke gruffly, large hand wrapped around your neck.

“Drinks, Joel. I got one for you too, but you’ve yet to say thank y-” You were cut off by him tightening his fist around you, cutting off your airways.

“Yeah, because you stole his that he was intending on drinking with you.” As your vision began to spot, and you wondered if maybe you took things too far, he let go. “Now what the fuck was that about?”

To say you didn’t mean to upset him would be a lie, so you didn’t, but could bare to tell him the truth. The truth that you were tired of sneaking around, tired of him completely ignoring you because he didn’t want to deal with people (Maria and Tommy) telling him you were too fucking young, or having to explain anything to Ellie, although you were near certain she already knew. You just wanted him to fucking acknowledge that you existed outside of fucking you senseless. As you were straddled across his bare lap, his cock speared inside you, and his free hand moved your hips to his liking Joel took his hand off your throat to deliver a crisp slap across your face, stinging with the anger you both felt as he hate-fucked you,

“ANSWER ME!”

“YOU IGNORE ME!” Screaming, you shove him back so that even though he sat up-right, his head hit the wall, but you don’t stop. “You won’t even fucking look at me in town” You grip the touch of grey that pepper his hair, yanking his face towards you as you continue to shout while still spit open on his cock “You avoid me like the plague and I have to sneak into your house in the middle of the night like a common!” Your anger took over, slapping him back although not nearly as hard. “Fucking!” Another slap. “Whore!” Your attempt at a back hand was stopped in its tracks by Joel bruising grip on your wrist.

You were eye-to-eye, faces no more than an inch apart and you felt like he was deciding your fate in that moment. Maybe he’d kill you, but you couldn’t find yourself regretting anything, the slapping nor flirting with the other man… you’d stood your ground, and if this was how you met your end, with Joel’s dick in you, so be it.

His next words, however, surprised you. All the fury was still there and he spoke through gritted teeth, but he spoke nonetheless. “Don’t you ever doubt what you mean to me.”

You pause for a moment, staring him down and determined not to break… but tears welled up in your eyes and your quivers, the intensity and passion in Joel's eyes too much to bear.

“Why are you embarrassed of me?”

Quicker than you thought possible, Joel let go of your wrist and pulled you into a searing kiss, harsh and rough and full of passion. Sucking on your tongue, his hips thrust up into you, fucking you again.

“I’m not embarrassed, never.”

“Then why do you treat me like a dirty little secret?” You cry, forehead to forehead.

“I don’t- I-... I’m a mess. I didn’t want you wrapped up in that.”

“I want it all, Joel. All the mess, all the shit, everything that comes with being with you- ohmygod - I wanna meet Ellie, I want you to introduce me to Tommy as your girlfriend-mmmhhhmmph- I want everyone to know I’m yours.” You began to ride him again, invigorated by your confession. You loved him, you didn’t want to be his dirty little secret anyone.

“Then you’ll have it, sweetness, because you are mine ,” he slapped both asscheeks and squeezed then harshly, painfully. “Fucking mine .”

Joel sloppily made out with your face, missing your mouth half the time; it didn’t matter, he just wanted to devour you. Mouth hung open, you panted in time to his cock hitting inside you, allowing him to taste whenever skin he desired, to lick into your mouth when he focused enough to get there. He moved down your throat, sucking and licking an nibbling as he went.

Breathless, you whine for him. “Mark me, Joel. Please, make sure everyone knows I’m taken.”

Groaning, Joel got to work sucking painful, dark hickies on your neck, breasts, shoulder, obvious and purple and for the world to see, but it wasn’t enough. The more he marked you, the more frustrated and frantic he grew as his cock split you open wide on him. It didn’t matter, because the hickies showed you were taken, but not by who, and what’s worse? They’d fade. He palmed your breasts and with a frustrated growl, Joel clamped down on your shoulder, biting hard. Impaled on him, you scream as he bites, gripping Joel’s shoulders but never stopping rocking on him. Pulling away, he only proceeded to bite again, the blood he was drawing covering his face and he whines, he fucking whines for you.

“It’s not enough” Breathless are his words. “It’s gonna fade, it’s not enough” He bites your arm, desperate and feral for you, for your taste.

“Make it permanent, then.”

Confused, he gazes up at you, red smeared on his face, puppy dog eyes looking for answers, before reaching into the nightstand and pulling out a pocket knife.

A small smile formed on his kiss bruised lips. “Yeah, you want me to mark you up forever?”

Nodding, you beg. “Please Joel, please, carve your name into me!” You cry for him; you need this, you need him… you need to know he wants you to be his forever.

“Yeah, sweet girl? You want my name on you? You sure?”

“More than anything ” His dick is throbs inside you, and you know neither will last much long at this rate, not with how you two have been hate fucking all night.

The metal was cool on your skin, and you stopped moving so fast, not wanting t mess up with work, but Joel thrust up into you, causing you to scream for him.

“That’s it, princess, scream my name, let everyone know who's wrecking this pussy.” He kissed you, firm and passionate, before the first slit on your thigh stung on you. He wasted no time finishing the J and going on to the O. “Gonna make sure everyone knows your mine, baby, no ones gonna dare look at you with my name on you.” The E was difficult, but the way you were screaming in pain spurred him on.

“JOEL! FUCK ME, JOEL!” You begged for more, warm blood dripping down your thighs and onto the bed.

He obliged, shifting the angle a bit and hitting that delicious spot inside you. Your screams of pain were indistinguishable from the pleasure, coming on his cock, squeezing him tight. Joel scooped up some of the blood and thrust his fingers down your throat and causing you to gag.

"Choke on your blood, baby, just like that, just like how you love to choke on my cock."

You do as you're told, tongue swirling around his fingers, but you take both hands and cover the in the blood dripping down. The, you plant your hands firmly on his chest with a slap, handprints marking him... Your nails pinch into his pecks, dragging them down and drawing blood as he shouted your name loudly. There was no way in hell you were a secret anymore.

“Making… you… mine” Joel grunted with every thrust, slicing both lines of the L as he came inside you, dropping the knife with shaking hands.

You collapse onto Joel, exhausted and in pain and dizzy, but you couldn’t find it in you to regret what the two of you had just done.

“Fuck” You hear him mutter, and you hold him close, burring your face in his neck. “What the fuck did I just do…”

But you hold him tight, not letting his post-nut clarity drag him down. “Thank you”

“For… what?” He was breathless, adrenalin and cumming all taking it out of him.

“Making me yours” You kiss his neck, sucking just enough to leave a small hickey; your own parting gift.

You can year him hum, lifting you off him and onto the bed before getting up. When he returned, he man handled you onto your none-wounded side, and began taking care of the wound. It was a while before it stopped bleeding, but Joel cleaned it, and bandaged it up with gauze.

“Do you regret it?” He asked you, but his voice sounded like he knew the answer.

“No, do you?” Your eyes drooped, but you tried to stay awake. He’d kick you out of his bed and out of his house in a little while. He always did.

“Not a single bit. ”

You saw a smile, content smile on his face and he slide into bed, and you moved to get up on your own accord he grabbed your wrist.

“Stay”

That was not what he expected. “What about Ellie?”

Joel pulls you to him, his hand resting on your thigh that bore his name. “She’s gone tonight with a friend, but if she’s back in the morning… well, she’s 16, I think she can handle me having a lady over… just maybe don’t go to the bathroom or downstairs without me. She won’t hesitate to shoot.” Joel smiles fondly and chuckles talking about his daughter.

Looking at Joel now… he was so far removed from the man who was choking you early, the man you slapped… He was opening up his world to you, allowing you in. “I’d love to stay, Joel. If that’s what you want…”

“It is” He quickly assured, before kissing your nose. “It is, sweetness. I want you with me… forever. We can figure out the rest tomorrow, meet Ellie, meet Tommy, his kid...”

“I’ll be with you forever Joel, just like your name is always with me. Forever.”

He held you close and tight, but careful with your wound. “Forever. I am yours and you are mine, forever.”

You were no longer Joel's whore, his dirty little secret... your own little secret on your thigh was proof enough of who you belonged too.

*****************

Thank you all so much for reading!!!!!! I love you all so much!!!!

I hope you all enjoy <3

@howaboutcastiel @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction

#dark!joel #the last of us hbo #dark joel miller #joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller smut #dub con #fem!reader #fem reader #joel miller reader #joel miller reader insert #joel miller fanfiction #joel the last of us #tlou hbo #tlou smut #dark tlou #smut #pedro pascal smut

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dameronology · 1 year

Note

"there isn't anything that i wouldn't do for you." with joel miller please 😩😩

this is my first time ever writing for joel so pre-warning this could be total shit

Joel Miller was a hard man to ignore.

He had a heavy presence; it filled every corner of the room with his various huffs and sighs, meaning that he was on your mind even when you were in a bad mood with him. You didn't want to be. Not when you were living - hell, surviving - in a time where everyday was too fucking precious. It was just...a miscommunication, maybe. Joel had changed the plan of attack at the last minute, you'd been shot at, yada, yada, yada. Now, quite justifiably, you were sat with your back facing him, staring blankly at the wall and waiting for him to apologise.

"Are you gonna stop giving me the silent treatment now?"

You glanced over your shoulder at him, shooting him a dirty look. "Are you going to apologise for?"

"What the damn hell am I meant to be saying sorry for?!"

"You went the wrong way!" you exclaimed. "You said we'd come in from the left, and you went right, and those fucking mercenaries almost got me-"

"- but they didn't! I saved you in time, didn't I?"

"It doesn't count as saving me when you're the one who put me in danger in the first place, Miller."

Joel sighed to himself, trying to refrain an eye-roll. Sometimes his inability to hide discontent was a curse, and that was something he realised when your glare widened. You were impossible at the best of times. In this climate, there weren't many of those.

Hands on his hips, he finally cracked and crossed the creaky floorboards of your hotel room. You were lucky to have found it in a motel half way between your last city and the next. It had no running water - or anything, really - but there was a mattress and a roof with minimal damage. That was the best you could find these days.

"Look...can you look at me? Just for a sec?" Joel began. He leant down in front of you, placing his hands on your knees as he balanced himself opposite where you were sat on the end of the bed. "I'm sorry, okay? I really am."

You glanced down at him.

"There are usually two things on my mind during a shootout like that: keeping you safe and then knowing the safest route out," he continued. "Running from every all the fuckin' time is tiring. My head gets loud and...I'm prone to slipping up. I don't like to and I hate even more that it happens but it does. And I'm sorry."

"Joel," you murmured. "No, I'm sorry. Shit. I shouldn't have made you feel bad-"

"- I want you have to faith in me all the time," he cut you off. "I want you to have confidence that I'm gonna look after you and keep your ass safe because there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

"I do," you murmured. "I promise."

"I love you," he replied. Joel softly placed a hand on your cheek, guiding your face down to meet his in a tender kiss. "I've got you. Always."

You smiled. "I love you too. Always."

#asks #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller imagine #joe miller imagines #joel miller reader insert #joel miller fanfic #tlou imagine #tlou imagines #the last of us imagine #the last of us imagines

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okay-j-hannah · 1 year

Text

The Oak Tree

The Last of Us : Oneshot

Joel Miller x Reader

Word Count: 10120

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 3 😭 angry revenge, blood/violence with raiders, protective ‘who did this to you?’ Joel 🥰 18+ themes, smut, overstimulated, super sensitive, touch starved, unprotected pinv, and aftercare

I’m a massive fan of the video game and PEDRO has been on my mind for WEEKS {thanks TikTok edits} I’m obsessed with this man

Request: This just came from my own head 😊

A/N: Over the years of making trades, there’s only been one girl that Joel can’t seem to get out of his head

{2007 – four years into the infection}

Just outside of Lincoln was a reservoir, brimmed with reflective water. It was surrounded by oak and hardwood, a line of color differing in shades of green, orange, and red. Joel looked at the leaves rippling against the stagnant water, thinking to himself that’s quite the view.

Tess, as per usual, was able to say those things out loud, “It’s beautiful.”

He didn’t need to reply.

“The neighborhood is just over there,” she continued, hands wound about her backpack straps, “Third house on the left, near the book café.”

Coffee – thought Joel – what he’d give for a black coffee right then.

“I bet she has coffee,” Tess said, speaking for him again. “She probably has that café up and running.”

It was too casual, too normal, to have a life outside of a QZ. The idea someone was living off the land after four years of a fungal apocalypse didn’t sound right. Something would have happened by now – raiders, a hoard of infected, accident with a gun.

“I still don’t like it,” Joel grumbled, following the colorful leaf strewn trail. People just didn’t survive out there on their own. It was unheard of. They always met a tragic end sooner or later.

“You don’t have to like it,” Tess bit back, “But we have a potential customer and I’m not going to pass up on that just because of a feeling you have.”

Joel gave a gruff sound in reply.

“If Frank says she’s okay then I trust her.”

If Frank said the sky was green and the grass was blue she would’ve believed him. They were thick as thieves.

“Maybe we’ll make a friend.”

“Maybe we should stop answering radio calls from Lincoln,” Joel said.

Tess scoffed, “But then we wouldn’t see Bill and Frank again.”

Joel didn’t say anything, holding back the words that he knew Tess could already guess. She spun around, pausing their walk with a stern look on her face.

“If you need to see this as a business meeting, fine – we’re out here trying to get the best trade. But I am going to meet a friend of a friend. And you will act cordial because as much as you can’t stand the thought of getting to know people past the stage of ‘get out of my fucking way,’ I want to.” She gave him a hard stare, “There’s nothing wrong with attempting something normal.”

Like inviting friends out to coffee.

Joel refrained a sigh, staring Tess down with a look of understanding. He only gave a curt nod in return.

When she was satisfied he wasn’t going to object further, she continued on the path. They passed the reservoir and were met with a crossroads, one direction leading towards a historic looking town.

It was small and safeguarded by mighty oak trees keeping watch. It looked like a quaint place people moved to in search of a quiet retirement. There were only a couple shops, a little food market, and half a dozen houses.

“There are more neighborhoods towards the west,” Tess remarked, “Bill and Frank live that way.”

Joel surveyed the area, used to the routine of searching for potential threats. Nearing the fence line, he put his palm against the heel of a gun.

In similar fashion to Bill and Frank’s, an electric fence encompassed the first three houses, the café, and an electronics store. He knew this girl accepted a lot of help from her neighbors, at least after Frank moved in. No doubt there were a number of complicated traps rigged everywhere outside the fence line.

“She knows we’re coming?”

Tess neared the fence gate, “Yeah, she said she’ll be on the lookout and… oh, there she is.”

Coming out of the first house was a woman, younger than him by some years but that wasn’t the first thing Joel noticed about her. He noticed the bright beaming smile on her face – open and welcoming.

“Hi there!” she called out, walking with quick steps, “Tess?”

“(Y/N)?” Tess asked in return.

“In the flesh,” the woman said, still smiling that wide smile, “It’s nice to put a face to the radio voice.”

Tess started smiling too, “I agree. Frank speaks very highly of you.”

“Oh he’s just a chatterbox,” (Y/N) laughed, pressing a few numbers into a keypad and unlocking the gate. “But I love him for it.” She opened the gate with a squeaky clang of the chain link fence.

“Thank you,” Tess said, gesturing behind her as she walked through, “This is my partner Joel.”

“Partner,” (Y/N) beamed, “Nice to meet you.”

Joel had to tear his eyes away from the grinning lower half of her face to meet her gaze. He could only nod.

“That’s how he says hi,” Tess sighed, “Not much of a people person.”

“I don’t blame him,” (Y/N) continued, “Not with how things are these days.”

Unfocused on her smile, Joel now scanned the rest of her. Her hair was clean, her clothes untorn, there was even a smell of flowers about her. She didn’t look like someone surviving an apocalypse. She looked like how the world used to be.

And it put a strange feeling in Joel’s gut.

“I’ll give you the tour,” (Y/N) said, “And then we can talk over dinner.”

“We’re not staying,” Joel said immediately.

Tess gave him a glare that said: don’t be rude. “We shouldn’t stay when it’ll be dark soon.”

“You’re welcome to spend the night,” (Y/N) said, eyes fixed on Joel’s hard gaze, more apprehensive than hurt at his unwillingness to spend any more time there than he had to. “I have a guest house prepared.”

“A guest house?” Tess couldn’t hold in her laugh, “How much do you rent for?”

(Y/N) was smiling again, “We can discuss the details over roast and potatoes.”

Joel’s stomach made the infuriating decision to growl just then.

“I’ll make the tour quick,” (Y/N) flickered amused eyes towards him.

He set his jaw, choosing to look anywhere but the two girls trying to contain their laughs.

“This is my lookout base,” (Y/N) gestured to the first house she just came out of. “It has a nice view of the surrounding area from each window. I’ll spend time up there looking for any incoming infected. It’s how I get my target practice.”

Joel peered into the open windows of the house and found a rifle fitted with a scope leaning against the sill.

They walked down the center street, (Y/N) talking along the way, “The second house is for guests and has a lot of my food storage and extra supplies hidden beneath the floors. This third house is my own.”

She gestured to the one with a large front porch and a flourishing front garden. Snug between the two houses was a roaming chicken coop and another pen right behind it.

“What’s behind the chickens?” Tess asked.

“Rabbits,” (Y/N) said, “I trade them for supplies at Bill’s.”

“Have they ever stayed at your guest house?”

“A few times,” (Y/N) smiled proudly, “Five star reviews.”

They continued towards the center of her little town. The ground was dug up all around the cobblestone street, housing planter boxes and freshly tilled earth.

“Here’s my garden,” she said, “Mostly root vegetables but I’ve been searching for some summer berries or vine plants. Tomatoes and peppers maybe.”

“We could help with that,” Tess mused, “We know where to find seeds.”

(Y/N) beamed again, “Right ahead is the café. I’ve got coffee beans coming out of my ears in that place. And I’ve been using it as my library too – the perfect place to take a load off.”

That feeling in Joel’s gut was persistent and it was making him uncomfortable now.

“And that is an electronics store,” (Y/N) pointed to the last building within her fenced in town. “It’s where I use my radio and keep stock of my power and water.”

Tess turned full circle, nodding her head like she was impressed, “And that over there?” She gestured towards the fence line where large heavy bricks were piled.

“Oh that’s my ongoing project to keep this place more secure,” (Y/N) sighed, “Along with the electric fence I figured I could add another layer of defense. A brick wall would keep people from being able to peer in.”

“That’s going to take a lot of supplies.”

She nodded, hands in her pockets, “I’ve been disassembling a brick house down the road – it got hit with a car. But I’m running low on cement mix.”

Tess chewed her lip in thought, “I think we could manage that.”

Joel kept his eyes on (Y/N), anywhere but her face. She talked like she hadn’t seen real shit yet. She smiled like life wasn’t hard. She looked clean and unnaturally content for the world they lived in.

The nagging, uncomfortable feeling was urgent. It pushed him to ask, “Are you here alone?”

She looked to him with that sudden air of apprehension, “Yes.”

He shook his head towards the ground, “That’s not smart.”

“I have Bill and Frank,” she said, that smile gone with the first word out of his mouth. “And I’m well prepared.”

“You’re one person sitting on a pot of gold,” Joel said lowly.

“I’ve lasted this long,” she said just as quietly.

It was making him mad, “Don’t be stupid.”

“Joel,” Tess said warningly, “We are guests here.”

“I’m just being honest,” he said, “I’ve seen too many good people get killed because of their good intentions. Pretty soon there will only be assholes and killers left.”

There was a pause where (Y/N) stared him down with an edge of fear. It made her look like a rabbit about to dart away and hide.

“And which are you,” she asked quietly, “An asshole or a killer?”

Joel met her gaze with a sizzle of electricity. He thought she was good – it put a fire in her chest, a want to prove herself capable of being good and a survivor. The defiant look on her face only made his uneasy feeling flare tenfold.

She wasn’t safe. She needed someone to protect her.

“We’re both assholes,” Tess stepped in, “That’s what makes us so great at negotiating trades.”

(Y/N) turned her body towards Tess, burned by Joel’s words, “I could use more assholes on my side.” She refused to look at Joel, “Maybe one will end up staying.”

Tess laughed, brushing over the tension that had settled between them, “Sounds like you’ve heard Frank tell their love story one too many times.”

“He says I just need to find my Bill,” she laughed along, walking them back towards her house, “I guess I just need to find an asshole.” She peered over her shoulder to give Joel a raised eyebrow.

He couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped him, still upset and burning with the desire to argue his point further. Maybe he was more upset with the fact that he’d fixated on her need for a protector.

He didn’t need another person to worry about, not when he already had Tess and Tommy. Adding to that list meant adding to the grief he’d endure if he failed to save them.

It was good she was apprehensive of him. It was good there was an edge of fear when she looked at him. He couldn’t get attached.

“That smells amazing,” Tess breathed, entering the house, “Where did you get a roast?”

“Bill,” (Y/N) said, going to the kitchen to check on the slow cooker, “He carved up a cow near a cattle range a few miles away. I traded some sheets, vegetables, and coffee beans for it.”

Joel leaned against the entryway. Better be worth it – he thought – trading supplies for one measly roast.

“I understand if you have to leave,” (Y/N) continued, “But my home is open to you. You’re welcome to stay for some food and rest.”

“You’ll accept us into your trades, then?” Tess asked. “I thought we made a pretty lousy first impression.”

(Y/N) smiled, “Better than you think.” She didn’t look towards Joel. “I know we just met…”

Joel made a gruff sound that seemed close to a laugh.

Still (Y/N) didn’t acknowledge him, “But I trust Bill’s judge of character. If he’s willing to work with you then I don’t see why I shouldn’t.”

“We’ll work up a supply list,” Tess nodded, “And in the meantime I say we set the table.”

“Tess…” Joel said warningly, “We should…”

“Get the plates,” Tess cut in, “I’m starving.”

~~~

{2007 – 3 months later}

The leaves were still crisp and golden along the road to (Y/N)’s town. It was later in the day, much later than Joel would’ve liked, but Tess knew there’d be an invitation to stay the night.

And as much as Joel hated to admit it, a hot shower and a clean bed sounded like heaven. His back was aching with the weight of their trade. Sweat dotted his temples and the falling light made him squint his eyes.

“Fuck, I hope she cooked,” Tess groaned, “That hike felt way longer with full packs.”

Joel wiped his brow, “I told you we should’ve started with seeds.”

“She needs the cement more,” Tess said, “And we’ll get more in return for the mix.”

The town was coming into their sights and Joel was surprised to see the progress made on the perimeter.

The brick wall was finished along one side and barbed wire extended between the electric fence and the wall. Bill had to have shared his high tinsel wire because the fence was reinforced and surrounded by new traps.

They could hear the electric hum of the fence as they neared the front gate. The keypad housed a buzzer to signal (Y/N) of incoming guests, which Tess pressed.

She gave Joel a look and suppressed a smile.

“What?” he asked.

She shrugged, “Still don’t like it?”

He squinted through the fence at the town within, “Don’t be surprised if she’s gone.”

“We talked to her two days ago,” Tess said, “And I think we would’ve seen evidence of raiders if they came through here.”

Joel still sighed his inner turmoil as (Y/N) came out from where the chicken coop was hidden. She smiled that beaming smile and waved at them with garden gloves in hand.

“Long time no see,” she said, “How was the trip?”

Both Tess and Joel hesitated at seeing her limp towards them, a bandage clearly wrapped around her lower leg.

“Long,” Tess finally replied, waiting for the gate to open, “What happened there?” She gestured towards (Y/N)’s leg, unwinding her hands from her backpack to have easy access to grabbing a weapon.

Joel was stiff, a few fingers grazing the gun secured in his pocket.

(Y/N) seemed unphased, waving them off, “I fell while collecting more bricks from the broken house. I got a bad scrape but nothing terrible.” She opened the gate and finally sensed the tension, “Why?”

Tess eyed Joel before muttering, “Show us.”

“Excuse me?” (Y/N) asked.

“We just want to be sure,” Tess said, “We don’t want to be locked in with a biter tonight.”

(Y/N) scoffed, raising her eyebrows, “Um… yeah, sure.” She knelt to one knee with a wince and rolled her pant leg. Blood had seeped through the bandage and made a terrible sound as she peeled it away from her wound.

It was still fresh and speckled with new blood from being torn open again, but it was obviously a scrape and not a bite.

“Satisfied?” she asked, grimacing at the wound, “I’m in need of a clean bandage.”

“Can you blame us?” Tess said, relaxing her shoulders, “We had to be sure.”

“I would think one infected was nothing for you two,” she jested, stumbling to her feet and meeting Joel’s eyes, “I promise it’s nothing.”

Joel didn’t apologize, still touching the handle of his gun.

“You must be tired,” she continued, “I can show you your rooms.” She limped towards the guest house, balling the used bandage in her hands.

Tess followed, Joel left to secure the gate. He grinded his teeth as he fought the sudden urge to lecture (Y/N) about being safe. He had hoped the strange protective feeling of months before would’ve faded. But seeing her again ignited that furious part of him.

“I’ve cleaned your sheets,” (Y/N) said, entering the house and turning for the kitchen, “And there’s extra clothes in the closets.”

“That’s generous of you,” Tess said, “You mind if I shower first?”

Joel shook his head and (Y/N) called out, “No, there should be plenty of hot water for you.”

Tess nodded to her partner and climbed the stairs. Joel listened to her steps, debating on what to do next. He slung the backpack off his shoulders and felt instant relief. A shiver went down his spine as the sweat of his back cooled against the air.

A thud sounded in the kitchen and (Y/N) muttered, “Shit.”

Instinct told Joel to run towards her voice, but he held himself back as he walked into the kitchen.

(Y/N) was leaning against the counter, a stepstool overturned next to her feet. The cabinet above her was open and full of what appeared to be first aid.

Joel put two and two together, choosing not to say anything as he walked all the way over to her. He reached out easily and searched for a bandage and maybe an antibiotic.

(Y/N) inched away, suddenly overwhelmed by his body nearly pressing into hers. “I slipped,” she said quietly.

He didn’t respond, rummaging the top shelf and finding a roll of cloth.

“There’s some medicine up there too,” she muttered, “Next to the hydrogen peroxide bottle.”

Joel found it, placing the supplies on the counter and closing the cabinet.

“Thank you,” she said, waiting for him to move before claiming the first aid. She limped to the dining table, bending over to examine her leg, “I’m making chicken for dinner,” she said, wondering why he was still there, “It should be done soon.”

He leaned against the wall and folded his arms, watching her rub ointment onto the scrape.

“Did you run into anything on your way here?”

He was quiet, standing there with a hard look on his face. His lips were pursed as he contemplated her words.

“You know,” she said, unraveling the roll of cloth, “I’m pretty sure a conversation involves two people talking.”

Joel refrained a sigh, only tilting his head slightly down in her direction. Why he didn’t just go to his room, he didn’t know. The frustration building inside of him was undeniable as he watched her attempt to use the bandage.

“You’re putting it on crooked.”

She lifted her head, “What?”

He grumbled and pushed himself off the wall. He went to kneel in front of her, taking the bandage from her hands and beginning to wrap it around her leg.

She stared at him wide eyed, her mind going blank as he handled her leg. He was surprisingly soft with her, holding her with gentle hands that she didn’t expect. His hair was a soft brown, curled at the edges with the last remnants of sweat. With him bowed before her, she could spy from above easily.

He was warm and toasted from the setting sun, hands still rough and dirty with his travels. He seemed to realize it too as he held her soap scrubbed skin. The flowery smell he found on her months before was overwhelming now. He identified the sweet smell on her skin.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

The frustration licked his ribs. “Don’t thank me,” he said, “What you’re doing here is going to get you killed.”

She stiffened under his touch, that edge of fear creeping into her vision. “Joel…”

“No,” he said lowly, “What would’ve happened if you got hurt worse than this? There’s no one here to help you.”

“I have…”

“If you say Bill and Frank I swear to god I’ll break this chair.”

(Y/N) clamped her mouth shut, terrified of the sudden anger laced between his words.

“It’s a miracle you’ve lasted this long,” he muttered, “That luck is going to run out eventually.” He tied off the bandage, “And when it does, who will be here to bury you?”

She gulped, voice shaky when she asked, “Why are you so upset? Me being dead just means one less client on your list.”

Joel stood sharply, “It means one less decent person in this fucked up world.” His eyes bored into hers, “Don’t be an idiot.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” she challenged, but her voice was still so small.

“Don’t you understand what’s out there?” Joel said, that anger fueling his tongue. “There are people that thrive in this end of the world shit. They won’t hesitate to burn this place down and skin you alive for all its worth.”

“So I’ll build up my defenses,” (Y/N) said louder than before, “I’ll set a wider perimeter.”

“They’ll work around it,” Joel ground out, “They’ll find a way when you least expect it.”

She stood from her chair, supported by her good leg, “Don’t underestimate what I can do. I’m not helpless out here.”

“But you are alone,” Joel growled, “Alone and cushioned with your electric fences and hot water and three meals a day. There are people that would kill for that!”

“Are you offering a solution?” she said with more vigor, “Or are you just going to keep telling me what a naïve imbecile I am?”

He fisted his hands, “I’m telling you to get out of here before you get seriously hurt.”

“Why do you care so much?” She breathed heavy, her fear ebbing into apprehension again.

Joel set his jaw, staring at her for a tense few seconds before storming out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room, the sound of Tess still in the shower above.

He had to physically stop himself from slamming the door as he went for the bathroom. He turned the sink on roughly and splashed himself with cool water.

He was doing it again. He was already getting attached.

She wasn’t his problem – wasn’t his responsibility – she was just another trade route outside Boston. It was the mantra he said to himself throughout the rest of the night.

But not before taking a lukewarm shower to calm down.

In the morning he sat on the edge of the bed with a dull ache in his head. He had a strange dream about (Y/N). It was short lived but left him with a race in his chest. He prayed that it didn’t happen again.

Tess was trading the cement mix with a number of (Y/N)’s storage items downstairs, so Joel figured he’d sneak into the café to get some coffee.

He could smell the bitter roasted beans from outside the shop door and his nerves gave a leap of joy at the thought of straight hot caffeine. He entered the café with his nose in the air and his throat thirsting for a drink.

It was a terrible surprise to see that the fresh pot of coffee came along with (Y/N) behind the counter.

Her eyes met his for a fraction of a second, turning away quickly to put away a sack of beans. Joel stood awkwardly at the door, already preparing to extinguish whatever frustrating protective feelings developed.

“Good morning,” she whispered, pouring a cup of coffee.

Joel eyed the steam curling lazily into the air and he convinced himself it was the coffee that made him stay – not because he wanted to see her beaming smile again.

He gave a gruff reply as he walked over to the counter.

She gave him the cup, “Coffee, black.”

It was too good to resist. He sat down and slid the cup towards himself, “Thank you,” he muttered.

The first sip was the richest, god he hadn’t had coffee in so long. It warmed his stomach, easing the knots in his hunched shoulders.

It’s satisfying taste provoked him to add, “How’s your leg?”

She froze against the counter, trailing her fingers along the edge, “It’s fine.”

He nodded to himself, “Good.”

She laughed under her breath, “Good,” she repeated, walking towards the other side of the shop. There she eased herself into an armchair, propping her leg on an ottoman.

Joel peered over his shoulder and saw with a raised brow, half a dozen bookshelves, each laden with more books than he cared to see in a lifetime.

He sipped his coffee again, eyeing her as she selected a book from a pile beside her. Of course she had a book collection.

“We’ll be heading out in about an hour.”

She nodded, now absorbed in her book, “See you later, asshole.”

He jerked his head around to catch her in the insult, but she was smiling softly behind her pages.

~~~

{2009 – 18 months later}

“You’re such a hypocrite!”

(Y/N) threw a coffee mug at him, successfully smashing it against the wall beside his head. He dodged the flying shards of ceramic, fuming at her accusation.

“Are you insane?”

“You have no right to lecture me about my safety when you came here alone. Isn’t that the one thing you can’t stand about me living here?”

“Tess is staying with Bill and Frank an extra day!” Joel explained, “She’ll be here tomorrow.”

(Y/N) scoffed, shoving against the café door and stomping down the center street. “Why can’t you just leave it be?”

Joel was hot on her heels, “Because I know what’s out there.”

“I’m sick of that excuse, Joel.” She rounded on him, standing in the middle of the garden, “It can’t be the only reason you’re stuck on this argument.” Her hands on her hips, she squared up to him, “I’ve proven myself for nearly two years.”

He clenched his jaw, a twitch in his cheek, “Don’t…”

She grimaced, so frustrated she was nearly disgusted by his retorts. “You make me so angry sometimes.”

In a rush of aggression, Joel grabbed her by the arms, on the verge of shaking some sense into her, “(Y/N),” he ground out. And it struck him then.

Close and hot and breathing each other’s heavy breaths. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to claim her mouth with his own. The want seized him with such urgency he was temporarily struck dumb.

His hands clamped down on her arms, keeping her close to his mouth.

“Joel,” she said full of heat, “What are you doing?”

But she was eyeing his lips now, so near her own. All she had to do was lean in.

Joel was so conflicted he was fighting every instinct in his body. His lip was starting to curl because of it, turning into a snarl as he gripped (Y/N) close to him. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

He wasn’t supposed to get attached, wasn’t supposed to want her.

But god she was so infuriating, so tempting.

His snarl neared her mouth, on the verge of devouring her. But in a sheer act of will he managed to push away – stumble back – and take a deep breath that wasn’t full of her clean, flowery scent.

He was running hot now, growing stiff as he stood there. He couldn’t steady his breaths, hands on his hips as he stared her down.

She was flushed and breathless in a way that spoke of innocent confusion. Her eyes were wide, and a delicate hand was resting on her chest, as if she had to hold back the pounding of her heart.

Oh God.

Joel bit back a growl, “I saw raiders… (Y/N). On my way over here. They were a few miles back but it’s the closest we’ve seen them in years. They’re scouting.” He knew better than to take a step closer to her. “And they will find you here.”

“I’ll be fine.”

He ran a hand over his beard, cursing to himself, “Fucking… this isn’t a joke, (Y/N). You could be in some serious danger.”

“I’ll figure it out,” she said, full of emotion, “I always do.”

That flush was settling in her cheeks and her eyes became glassy with it.

“Don’t be stupid.”

She clenched her jaw, screwing her lips up in a scowl. “I think you should leave.”

“(Y/N)…”

“Go away, Joel!” she fumed, standing her ground, “We made our trade – you have no business staying here any longer.”

He cursed her, making for the exit like he didn’t know what else to do. Hot blood was beating in his ears and as much as he hated her choice to stay, he still wanted her. He still wanted to be near her regardless of how angry she made him.

She knew he could reach Bill and Franks before nightfall or else she never would have sent him away. And at their little compound he pushed past Tess and found refuge in his own room for the remainder of the night.

Frank was curious as ever. “What’s gotten into him?” he asked Tess, “Ran into some trouble?”

Tess sighed, holding her glass of wine, “I told him to go on ahead to (Y/N)’s.” She took a sip, “Maybe I thought they could use some alone time together.”

Frank raised his eyebrows, suppressing a smile, “Little miss matchmaker you are.”

“Obviously it didn’t work,” she said, “But I know there’s something there.”

“I believe it,” he laughed, “Every asshole needs their sunshine person.”

Tess shared the laugh, “And a sunshine person (Y/N) is.” She raised her glass, “Let’s hope she manages to put him in his place.”

Frank eyed where Joel had just stormed off to, “If she hasn’t already.”

They shared a drink and wished each other a good night, oblivious to the fact that Joel was tossing and turning in his sheets, livid with the idea that (Y/N) could control him even when she wasn’t there.

He was angry and restless and resented how his cock twitched with dreams of her – how he very nearly kissed her just hours before.

It haunted him until dawn when he awoke with the distinct wish for a coffee from the café. He rubbed hard at his face, groaning with the lack of control on his own thoughts. (Y/N) was there smiling at him in his minds eye. Her clean flowery scent filling his nose.

He willed the blood to keep from rushing downward.

Tess and Frank were at the kitchen table, enjoying some eggs and toast. There was a black coffee waiting for him, steaming with the heat. His eyes flickered to the counter to see a bag of coffee beans clearly from (Y/N)’s town.

Tess followed his eyes and smirked, “You slept in.”

“Or he’s just been staring at the ceiling all night,” Frank smiled, “Figured you needed a coffee either way.”

Joel glared at them, sitting down and eagerly drinking the bitter coffee. He licked his lips, “I want to get back to the QZ before dark. We should leave soon.”

Frank groaned, “I always miss you guys when you’re gone.”

“Why do you think I stayed so long this time,” Tess said, “But we’ve got other trades to make. And there’s always the chance the QZ finds us missing. I don’t think I want to head back knowing there’s a noose waiting for me.”

There was a thud as heavy footfalls came from outside. Frank was to his feet immediately, knowing who was making the sound.

Bill came through the door, his breath a little labored, “Joel…”

“What is it?” Frank questioned, meeting him at the door, “What happened?”

Joel rose to his feet, a spark of fear igniting in his chest. If Bill wanted to speak with him, it could only mean grave news.

“Outside,” Bill said, “There’s smoke coming in from the east. A lot of it. I tried to radio (Y/N), and I can’t get a signal. Her channel has never been turned off before.”

Tess moved her head from one man to the other, “Joel…” she began as if she was trying to soothe him before something reckless happened. “It doesn’t mean…”

But Joel was shoving his way outside to look towards the east, the sun still rising as the day began. In the distance was a large billowing cloud of smoke. It was wide and black, meaning something big was burning hot and still raging.

East meant (Y/N)’s town. It meant something terrible had happened. And his blood ran cold.

“Joel,” Tess said behind his back, her mouth falling open, “What could’ve…”

Joel ran back inside for his pack, Bill waiting for him with a polished handgun and a box of ammo. A silent wish of luck that only Bill could express. They shared a look of understanding – that this was a moment of dread that people prayed would never happen to someone they cared about.

Joel gave him a nod of thanks and set out with Tess only five minutes later. He was keeping a runners pace until Tess asked him to slow down.

“Let’s not exhaust ourselves before we know what the threat is.”

“It was those raiders,” Joel bit back, “I told you they were heading this way.”

Tess was thinking it too, “She has a fighting chance,” she said. “She’s well prepared.”

Joel fought against the fear planted in his chest, “I shouldn’t have left.”

Tess wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “We’ll deal with it when we get there.”

It was the quickest they had ever made the trip, using the black billowing smoke as their guide. It never wavered and it never died down, meaning the fire wasn’t done burning everything in its path.

It would attract people for miles around.

Reaching a clearing, the pair of them paused to survey the area. Tess, as ever, was saying what Joel thought.

“Oh my god.”

The lookout house was in flames. The open windows were licked with fire, sending plumes of smoke into the open air. It crackled with heat and broke through part of the roof, sending ash and smoldering wood to the ground.

Bodies were littered outside the fence line – raiders that were caught in traps, shot by a rifle, or electrocuted by the fence. Some were tangled with the barbed wire lining the walls, others were smoking from once being engulfed in flames.

And how many managed to get inside, Joel thought.

They ran for the gate, Tess putting in the code that (Y/N) gave them months before.

Joel held up his new handgun, aiming for anything that moved. His breath was steady against the erratic beating of his heart. That fear in his chest controlled only by the instinct of hunting down whoever remained of the raiding party.

They kept their heads down, guns out, and feet moving in quiet steps. They scouted the guest house, checking the storage beneath the floorboards – it was untouched. They moved on to the main house and though it was ransacked, there wasn’t anyone there.

They went towards the shops, slowing down when they spotted two more bodies outside the electronics store.

Tess gave Joel a nod, and he went to check the faces – both raiders – before spying inside the open doors of the store. He could hear the crackle of electricity, could see the vibrant sparks of an open wire. The white smoke told him the radio was probably destroyed.

The sudden swing of the café door had them spinning around with scary precision.

“Oh, fuck!” said the raider, fumbling for a gun strapped to his belt.

Joel made quick work of shooting the guy in the leg. The raider cried out, falling to his side and yelling for any other help.

Tess kept her gun out as Joel ran for the injured thief.

“Help! Help me!” the man cried, grabbing onto his thigh, blood leaking out and beginning to pool beneath him. He tried to scoot away, “No, no, man stop!”

Joel landed a punch to the raiders face. He ignored the shots fired by Tess as she took down another exiting the café.

“Where is she?” Joel muttered. He dropped his gun, using his free hands to grab the raider by the jacket, “Where is she?”

The man jerked, a trickle of blood falling from his mouth, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, man.”

Joel hit him again, “Don’t fuck with me, kid. I’m not in the mood.”

The raider looked terrified, “The girl… that lives here…”

Joel was holding him up in a sitting position, hands itching for his throat, “Where?”

“Couple of my buddies took her in the back.” He nodded towards the electronics store.

With a hard thrust of his hands, Joel slammed the man into the cobblestones of the street. Whether the impact knocked the man out or killed him, Joel didn’t care. He stood to enter the store, gun left forgotten on the ground.

“Joel!” Tess yelled, running after him.

He ignored her, barging into the store and tensing at the sound of whimpering coming from the back room.

He ran towards the sound, tearing open the door to see a sight that had the air knocked out of him.

(Y/N) sat curled in the corner of the room, hands outstretched towards the men above her, pleading them to stop. She was bruised and bloody – no longer smiling like life wasn’t hard, no longer clean with fresh flower soap.

She was terrified and hurt. A combination of things that had white noise filling Joel’s ears. He saw red as the remaining raiders turned towards him. The disgusting sound of their laughter ceased with the fire in Joel’s eyes.

Tess realized then that Joel didn’t need his gun. He didn’t need her for backup. He just went wild.

Raw instinct launched him towards the men, clobbering one and manhandling the other. He slammed one against the wall, hitting him until pain finally registered in his hand. The bloodied raider slumped to the ground, signaling to his partner to get the hell out of there.

But Joel had already turned and found the last assailant stumbling to his feet after being hit. He threw the man into the back room shelves, kicking him into the ground. He knelt over the raider and punished him with the fury that fueled Joel.

By the end Tess had a grimace on her face, a twist in her stomach that knew it would take Joel a while to come back from what he just did. She stood by (Y/N), shielding her until Joel was finished.

“(Y/N),” he rasped, ragged from the fight, “(Y/N)…” He met her on the floor, not daring to touch her yet.

Tess backed up, going outside to ensure they weren’t interrupted by any surprise raiders.

(Y/N) couldn’t control her breathing, silent tears running tracks through the ash and blood of her face. She kept her hands up, as if it were a measly last defense in saving her life.

Joel felt the fire extinguish in his head, pain blossoming across his knuckles as his hands began to shake. “(Y/N),” he tried again, “Hey, it’s going to be okay.”

She finally peeked above her hands at him, “Joel…” she said breathless.

A stab of pain went through his chest, “Yeah, baby,” he said. “I’m here.”

She was hesitant but as a fresh wave of tears came over her in gratitude, she started to lean into him. And Joel grabbed onto her instantly.

He wrapped her up with his arms and drew her close, “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

“I thought…” she tried to say, “I thought I was dead.”

“No,” Joel cut her off, “I won’t let that happen.” He squeezed her tight to his chest, saying the things he needed to hear just as much as her. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” Because with him there beside her, she was safe. He could keep her that way.

“They used one of the oak trees,” she muttered, “They climbed and secured a rope across the fence and into the house. They waited until I was alone.”

Joel swallowed hard, putting a hand to the back of her head. “It’s over – they’re all gone.” He shielded her from the bloody mess behind them, “Let’s get you clean up. Tess and I… we’ll take care of everything.”

They managed to get (Y/N) into her house and while Tess volunteered to help with a shower and taking care of her injuries, Joel set out to correct his mistakes.

He gathered the raider bodies and burned them outside the fence line, the acrid smoke masked by the house fire. He found the stolen supplies and placed them back where they belonged. He reset the traps and reloaded the weapons. He even managed to dampen the spread of the house fire so it wouldn’t jump to the other buildings.

Late into the night, restless with the events of the day, (Y/N) asked Tess why Joel hadn’t visited her yet. He had been out all day and into the night.

Tess stayed by her side, resting in an armchair. “He’s trying to make things right,” she said, “He’s working out his frustration.”

“At me?”

“No,” Tess said warmly, “With himself. With those raiders. And… I’m not sure he can stand the sight of you hurt.”

(Y/N) laid in bed, contemplating her words. “He’s going to have to come in eventually.”

“He will,” Tess continued, “After he’s figured out how to apologize to you.”

“He doesn’t have…”

“Oh, yes he does,” Tess smiled, “He won’t rest until he feels like he deserves your forgiveness. And even then…” she shrugged her shoulders. “He’ll blame himself for you getting hurt.”

By morning (Y/N) was able to shuffle towards the window, curious at a thudding sound outside. She pulled blankets closer to her bruised body and peered apprehensively towards the still smoldering lookout house.

It was emitting nothing more than ashy white smoke, meaning the fire could no longer find anything more to burn. And behind the house, beyond the fence, was Joel.

With an axe in hand, he was chopping down the oak tree that helped the raiders get in.

~~~

{2012 – three years after the raid}

After many heated arguments and prolonged visits, the old routine came back.

Joel and Tess returned to their usual trade routes, checking on (Y/N) whenever possible. (Y/N) rebuilt her radio and kept more frequent contact with her friends. She managed to rebuild her defenses and even had Bill attempt to break in a couple times to ensure maximum security.

Her wounds healed but left scars.

She no longer beamed, but simply smiled. She no longer welcomed with open arms, but with a small wave.

Joel struggled to look at her during visits. He tried to distance himself from conversation but couldn’t deny how badly he wished her safety. He’d stand on pins and needles waiting for her to pick up the radio. He’d frantically search the town before finding her reading in the café.

He was head over heels now. Dependent on her being alive and well. And that terrified him.

He had a taste of the panic that consumed him when she was in danger. When he saw her hurt. When he thought of her dead. It made him weak in the knees.

Joel knew that if he let himself he would love her until their dying day. He’d deal with their bickering and name calling and teasing because at the end of the day, he’d kiss her and hold her close, and remember a time when it wasn’t so scary to love.

But that panic ate at him. Reminded him of a grief he couldn’t go through again.

It led him to distance himself during visits. At least he tried to. It didn’t stop him from thinking of her when he touched himself at night.

If he let himself… he could love her like she deserved.

He maneuvered around the trip wires guarding the paths to her town. He ducked under explosives and jumped over potholes.

It had been nearly seven months since he last saw her. They briefly spoke each week on the radio just to check in, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her in person.

He knew he shouldn’t be as excited as he was – knew he shouldn’t have gotten her an extra gift with his trade – knew he shouldn’t have gone out by himself while Tess handled other trades.

But he couldn’t help himself.

She was sitting on her front porch when he reached the gate.

Maybe it was the fact she never interacted with other men, but the sight of him put butterflies in her stomach. She hadn’t felt a man touch her in years and the back and forth between her and Joel was putting her frustratingly close to the edge.

“Hey, there,” she called, watching him saunter over. He had one of his blue button downs on, a worn jacket on top. The corners of his lips barely upturned at her voice.

“How have you been?” he asked gruffly, taking a seat beside her.

She shrugged, “Did you find what I need?”

Joel noted her vague change of subject, “Yeah, here.” He opened his pack to retrieve a few packets of seeds and medicine.

(Y/N) became transfixed with how his hands moved, large and strong, her eyes moving along the veins and tendons working on the back of his palm.

She was just following the line of muscle along his arm when he waved the goods in front of her face.

“You okay?” he asked, holding out the medicine bottles, “You don’t need these because you’re sick, right?”

She felt warmth bloom across her cheeks, “I’m fine.” She cleared her throat, “I haven’t seen you in a while is all.”

Joel’s deep look of concern remained, “What’s the matter?”

She turned her gaze to her town, swallowing hard, “Nothing really.”

“(Y/N),” he said quietly. The baritone of his voice reverberated through her spine. His breath near her ear made her shiver. It was making him suddenly afraid. “What’s going on?”

Feeling him so close was sending goosebumps across her skin. God was she really that touch starved? He was overwhelming her without even touching her.

She stood up jerkily, “Nothing’s going on, as per usual.” She walked into her house, throwing the seed packets on the kitchen table and making for the stairs.

Joel got frantically to his feet, bewildered by her behavior. This wasn’t one of their usual arguments – something was wrong and if she kept evading his questions then he was going to get frustrated.

“Then why are you upset?” he followed her up the stairs and into her bedroom.

She went for the en suite bathroom, placing her new pills in the medicine cabinet. “I’m not.”

Joel felt that annoyance build in his gut, “You are.” He stood in the doorway, cornering her in the bathroom. “Why won’t you give me a reason?”

When she turned to see the way blocked by his broad frame, she gulped. He was bracing himself by putting both hands on the doorway and (Y/N) couldn’t help trailing her eyes along his build.

He was looking at her with a face full of concern, lined and rough with just a hint of frustration at her lack of answers.

It was hot. And (Y/N) hadn’t realized how low that heat had traveled since first seeing him walk through the gate. God she really was that touch starved. She was feeling breathless just looking at him.

Joel looked even more worried, “You sure you’re feeling alright?”

“Could you back up please?” her voice was small and nearly desperate, “Please?”

His eyebrows rose, lifting his hands in surrender and retreating for the bed, “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to corner you.”

She shook her head, heat putting a flush across her chest, “You know I’ve never had a problem being alone.”

Joel looked at her, silent as he sensed a confession coming.

“I’ve always enjoyed the peace and the freedom,” she said quietly, “But there was something I didn’t expect after all these years.”

She took a step forward and Joel had the sudden urge to grab her and hold her.

“I didn’t expect to feel lonely,” she said, “But I am. I’m so lonely here by myself. And it’s driving me insane.” She took another step towards Joel.

He reacted instantly, reaching out to offer his hand. When he found hers, he pulled her closer to him, “I can help with that.”

If he let himself… he could love her fiercely. And with her looking at him with such wide, desperate eyes, he felt ready to snap his resolve in two.

He pulled her closer, having her stand between his legs, “Would you let me help you?” With his free hand he ran a few fingers up her arm and she gasped. A high breathy sound as a shiver ran through her body.

“Fuck,” Joel said, “How long has it been for you?”

She shook her head, already feeling dizzy, “Help me.”

His cock began to ache as blood flew to it. “Tell me,” he said, “Tell me what you want me to do.”

“Help me feel,” she whimpered, “Not feel so alone.”

He groaned deep in his chest, pulling her closer to him, “If I do, a lot of things are going to change.”

She was lightheaded with his hands pulling on her wrists, placing them on his cheeks, “God I hope so.” She held onto his face, tilting it up to where she could plant her lips against his.

He responded immediately, reaching for her waist, groaning against her lips.

It was overstimulating having him touch her, even the barest of touches on her waist had her trembling. His hand wandered up her back, exploring her body with slow, steady hands. It was making her gasp against his mouth, eyes screwed shut and lips wet with his.

“You’re so sensitive,” Joel murmured, “Don’t worry – I’ll go slow.”

He retook her lips, swallowing her unsteady breaths. He started to stand from the bed, keeping his mouth on hers. His hands went from her sides to her jaw, holding her face up to him.

As he stood, her neck began to crane to keep her lips to his, sucking in breaths whenever she could. With him at his full height, she was flush against his chest. It was evident he was beginning to strain against his pants as she felt the bulge press into her midsection.

It sent fast trickles of warmth down between her legs. “Joel,” she said breathlessly, “God, Joel… it’s so much.”

“It feels good?” he muttered, pulling away to kiss her cheek, “Too much for you?”

She shook her head, easily turning her head to give him access to her neck.

“Needy,” he grinned, kissing the soft skin of her neck, “So needy for me.”

She moaned, planting her hands on his shoulders to steady herself. His lips were hot and wet as he nipped and sucked the column of her throat. He teased a sensitive part above her collarbone, relishing in the gasp it produced.

He sucked until he knew she was branded with his lips. He ran his tongue across the new hurt, already planning for the next spot to bruise with his teeth.

But her legs were slowly becoming water, unable to support her as she gave way to the feeling of Joel taking care of her.

“I’ve got you,” he said into her neck, arms wrapped around her waist, “Let go, baby.”

She fell into him, and he easily laid her on the bed, eyeing her against the sheets as he wondered where to go next. He was drawn instantly to the wet patch growing on the fabric between her legs.

“Fuck, baby,” he growled deep in his throat. “You’re that wet for me, and we haven’t taken off a single piece of clothing yet.”

She responded with trying to take her shirt off, making Joel laugh.

“Don’t,” she said, “Please.”

The desperation in her voice was driving him mad. Joel took her fumbling hands and pinned them above her head with one of his own. “Let me do it.”

He bowed his head and started kissing a trail down her chest and across her shirt. She started to squirm as he kept pressing his lips down her clothed stomach and finally her clothed heat. His free hand crept up her shivering leg and began to tug at her pants.

Her wriggling made it easier as he pulled at one hip and then the other, dragging the pants away. His lips went to kiss each inch of newly exposed skin as her clothes were tugged down. He finally released his hold on her hands, eager to remove her shirt as well.

They made quick work of leaving her in nothing but her panties. Her breasts full and perked with arousal. Joel eyed her with a mouthwatering gaze. She was so desperate for his touch her back was arching off the bed in search of his hands.

“If I had known sooner,” he said, laying on her until his face was level with her chest, “I would’ve done this years ago.”

Needing something – anything – to grab onto, (Y/N) wove her fingers into his hair. He smelt of wood oil and coffee and leather, sending her into another spiral as his lips found purchase between her breasts.

He laid claim to the valley there with new bruises, trailing his tongue after his handywork. With his body pinning her down, he could feel every shiver as he kissed and nipped around her nipple. She pulled at his hair and drew a moan out of him.

“You’ve waited this long, baby,” he teased, “Just be patient.”

She cried out when his took her in his mouth, running his tongue around her nipple. His hand found her other breast, giving it the equal attention it deserved.

The sound of her sensitive cries had him rutting his clothed cock into her. He was starting to lose control of himself, years of pent up frustrated feelings getting the better of him.

“Hang on,” he said, pulling away to remove his shirt, “Nearly there. I want to help you feel good.”

“It’s so good,” she whimpered, “You’re so good to me, Joel.”

He grinned, claiming her mouth once more, “You’re trembling, sweetheart. You’ve been on the edge this whole time.”

She nodded frantically, a look of pain between her brows. She was pushing him by the shoulders – pushing him down to between her legs.

“Is it too much?” he questioned her pained expression.

“Please…” she cried to him, “I need you, Joel. I want you now.”

He knew she was already overstimulated, had been from the start. He would need to be careful about how far he pushed her before it wasn’t enjoyable anymore.

He conceded, “Okay, baby.” He ran a finger along the elastic of her underwear, “You ready for me?”

“Yes,” she pleaded, “Yes, please, god.”

Joel was painfully aware of how aching his cock was now, already spurting with precum. It was an effort not to jerk into his hand as he freed himself from his pants.

She could barely concentrate on the length of him, just inching her hips forward until he grabbed her hips in warning.

“I’ve got you,” he said, “Let me help.” He planted a kiss over her clothed heat before dragging her underwear down and off her ankles.

He groaned, pumping his cock a few times, “You’re so goddamn beautiful.” He ran his tip through her folds, covering himself in her slick, “And so wet.”

He lined up at her entrance before bracing himself above her, chest to chest and lips nearly touching. When he sunk into her an inch, they both moaned at the pressure. He wanted to see the look on her face as he pushed in another inch.

Her hands flew for his face, holding him as she adjusted to his size. Her mouth fell open in a silent gasp, looking at him with pinched brows. He growled at the expression, urging himself to keep going slow. She was already wriggling with how sensitive she was.

If he dared brush her clit, she might have just screamed.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” he watched the slight pain in her pinched brow. He wanted to know the instant it was from actual pain and not pleasure, “I’ll stop – just tell me.”

“No,” she pleaded, “Give it to me, please. God, Joel – fuck me.”

He rutted his hips by accident, bewitched by her words. It was going to be quick, he already knew. The pair of them desperate for love.

He started slow, rolling his hips into hers, keeping himself chest to chest with her. He wanted to be touching as much of her as he could. He wanted to hold her as she came. His lips found hers as his pace started to grow.

She was already tensing around him, every sensitive nerve in her body reaching a breaking point as her orgasm grew. She kissed him back, whimpering with every thrust of his hips.

“I’m…” she said breathlessly, “I’m so close, Joel.”

“I know, baby,” he said, rocking into her with more force, “I want you to. Give it to me.”

She ran her hands down his back, digging her nails in as her body began to seize. Joel wrapped his arms around her, holding her against the bed as she gripped the hair on the back of his head. She cried out from the overstimulation the orgasm was giving her, combined with Joel’s constant motion inside of her.

“I’ve got you,” he breathed against her neck, “You’re doing so good, baby.”

And as she trembled, still clenched tight around him, Joel felt himself start to tip over the edge.

“Fuck,” he ground out, “Fuck…” as he pulled himself out of her to spill between their bodies, hot and thick across their stomachs. They were breathing each other’s air again, pressed into each other in an embrace.

And when Joel realized she was still trembling after he calmed down, he pulled away. “Shit, baby – I’m sorry.”

She was weak with the pleasure, pained with the sensitivity, and dizzy from his body on hers. He pressed a lingering kiss to her hair and went for the bathroom, wiping his stomach clean of his cum before running a washcloth under the tap for (Y/N).

He returned quickly, sitting on the bed and carefully cleaning her skin. She squirmed when he reached between her legs and as an apology he kissed her thigh, “I’m sorry.”

She put a hand to his cheek, drawing his gaze, “I’m okay.” She smiled, “I’m better than okay.”

He looked relieved, dark brown eyes beaming with her smile. He quietly got up and retrieved some clean clothes, dressing himself and then taking his time in redressing her. Much more gentle then how he was taking them off.

It was cautious and intimate, Joel unsure of himself when it came to such acts of love. He didn’t want to overwhelm her any more than she already was.

“I knew if I let myself do this… I wouldn’t be able to turn back.” He crawled up the bed, refraining from touching her sensitive skin too much, “I’m in love with you, (Y/N). And that scares the hell out of me.”

“I know,” she said quietly, completely spent and exhausted from her shot nerves. “I love you too.”

You’d never know Joel was a hardened survivor by the way he smiled at her words. “What took us so long?”

“You’re always getting on my nerves,” she said sarcastically.

“And you’re always driving me insane,” he said in return, settling against the pillows. He looked at her now with a more innocent, inquisitive expression. “How do you feel?”

She turned her head to him, “Like I want to stay in this bed with you all day.”

He continued to smile, but his eyes were still warm, lovestruck. “I can help with that.” He got closer to her, slowly wrapping her up close to his chest. He pulled the blankets over them, asking softly, “Is this okay? You can tell me if it’s too much.”

“It’s just right,” she said, melting into his chest. “All I need is you.”

Joel kissed her hair, remembering how safe she felt in his arms. His own fears drowned out by the contented sigh escaping her.

And suddenly the world was quiet. And they were just two people that fell in love.

~~~

Masterlist

It’s written in my rules, but I’m going to write it here too. I don’t accept requested smut. I’m new to the writing and will only write it when I feel like it. Thank you.

Tag List:

@caswinchester2000 @aria253264 @bippity-boppity-boopa @kaqua @cameleonfrenzy @shyposttree

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#joel miller x reader #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller reader insert #last of us #the last of us x reader

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sunshineblondiewrites · 7 months

Text

The First of Us - Chapter 1

My sister tried to eat me

Joel Miller x f!reader (no use of y/n)

Series summary: you and your father meet Joel and Tommy 6 years after outbreak day. You join their group trying to make it to the Boston QZ not realizing all that joining would entail. You eventually make it to the QZ but not without suffering many losses. Tommy decides to join the Fireflies and you and Joel are left with your smuggling partner, Tess, when years later you meet a teenage girl that will bring you and Joel across the country, and maybe together.

Summary: You're 14 years old on September 29th, 2003 living in a small village in Kentucky with your parents and little sister on a farm. You couldn't have imagined how the day would go and the people you would meet 6 years later.

Warnings: death, outbreak day, friends to lovers, reader has a sister, minor physical descriptions of reader, grieving, FFM threeway (does not include reader, cannon typical violence(if I miss any please lmk)

a/n: this is my first fic! I'm super excited and also super nervous... the first three chapters are backstory and then chapter 4 and on will be pretty similar to the show! I wanna say thanks so much to @who-has-my-green-banana for helping me proofread and spellcheck and everything. Hope anyone who reads this, enjoys!

word count 6.2k

Ch2 masterlist

Friday, September 26th, 2003 Hazel, KY

It was a beautiful day. The clouds perfectly covered the sky to make it so that it wasn’t too bright outside but it was still sunny. You still had to walk down your mile-long driveway to the bus stop, so you were able to appreciate the weather every morning. Dad said that as soon as you turned 16 he’d let you drive to school, even though the area you lived in was so small that some parents were letting their kids drive at 15 when they just had their permits, but your dad is a stickler about laws, rules, and safety. He isn’t strict per say, but a protector and chronic worrier.

The small village of Hazel, Kentucky, where your family farm resided, is home to only 450 people, meaning you had quite the long bus ride to school in the next town over. Hazel is known for its antique malls that dot main street and the “Hazel Day” celebration. Hazel Day was coming up actually and the town was getting ready and getting excited, but no one was more excited than your baby sister, Hazel. Your parents named your sister after the village because it was quite literally a community effort to get her into the world. Your mom’s water had broken in the middle of the local market and she somehow managed to progress so fast that there was no time for hospitals and only time for a sweet old woman's 5 minute car ride to her house and Hazel came not long after in an all natural tub birth. You’d never heard your mom scream so much.

Hazel Elizabeth was born on September 30th, 1995. You were 6 years older. Your parents had tried for a very long time to get pregnant again after you. Your Dad really wanted a boy but after Hazel essentially arrived with a bow already in her hair it was clear that wasn’t happening and you were his only option, so he decided to teach you the ins and outs of farm life in hopes you would either take over one day or marry a man to take over, you couldn’t quite figure out which. That was another thing about the town of Hazel, people frequently got married right out of high school since the town was so small and was so incredibly old fashioned. Your Dad however never let you watch or do any of the butchering, he always said “killing is a man’s job, no woman should have blood on her hands.” But you didn’t care because you frequently named the animals and you slept better not knowing which of your pet chickens was in your mom’s chicken noodle soup.

When you finally arrived at school and sat at your desk for your first hour, groaning internally when the usual ruckus broke out from the junior boys. They seemed to have no problem that they were still taking sophomore level English. You, however, were taking classes a year ahead. You were something of a smarty pants thanks to your mom’s ever present hand in your education. She worked part-time at one of the antique shops so she was often home to help with your studies or let you out of chores to go read. Her parents couldn't afford college for her so she wanted the best chance for you to get a good scholarship and be able to go.

“Well aren’t you all extra fidgety today?” Mrs. Charleson said, “But it’s Friday, so pop quiz time to make sure you’re all caught up on the reading.”

Madison smugly raised her hand and you visibly cringed before the smart ass remark you knew she was about to make made its way to the surface. She’s your “neighbor” because her family is the only people who live within 6 miles from your house. “If you give us a pop quiz every Friday, is it even a pop quiz anymore?” She said and the Junior boys giggled. Gross.

“And yet some of you are still surprised,” Mrs. Charleson replied, smiling just as smartly. That made you and many other students laugh, proving why she was without a doubt your favorite teacher.

—

You aced your quiz. When the final bell rang you couldn’t wait to get out of there. Something was just off with everyone today but you couldn’t quite decide what it was. You headed to your locker to grab your snack of raisins and peanuts and then started walking in the direction of the local dress shop where your sister would be getting the final alterations done to her dress for the Hazel Day pageant.

“Hey Hazie!” you shout as you walk in and see your adorable baby sister. Her blonde curls somehow so effortlessly laid across her shoulders.

Hazie shrieks your name in excitement, “Come look at my dress!!” You walk further into the dress shop to see your sister in her Barbie pink pageant gown that you’d guess weighed more than she did soaking wet. It had everything a girl like Hazie could ever dream of, pink ribbons, ruffles, and even lace.

“Well aren’t you just the prettiest princess!” You said giving her a twirl.

“Oh don’t move so much I haven’t taken out the last pin!” Mrs. Vivian said. She was the owner of the dress shop and also the old woman from the market who took your mom to have a baby in her bathtub. She gave your mom a discounted rate for alterations for your sister’s endless pageant dress collection which helped your parents be able to support her pageant dreams. It was still a fucking expensive hobby and your parents definitely had more financial strain because of it, but whatever to make your little Hazie happy.

Once alterations were done, Mrs. Vivian promised to have it done by October 1st which was 3 days before Hazel Day. “And don’t worry about this round of alterations Lillian, this one’s on me,” Mrs. Vivian said.

“Oh Vivian I couldn’t possibly allow you to do that,” your mother frantically replied. She absolutely hated accepting help from anyone.

“No, no, I insist! It’s a birthday present for our future junior pageant Queen.”

“Well, thank you, could I still at least give you a tip?” Your mother began bargaining. Mrs. Vivian along with everyone else was obsessed with your sister. Disney Princesses may not be real but they came to life in sweet Hazel Elizabeth. She deadass would have squirrels and birds and whatever else following her around, it was bizarre. But you couldn’t deny the fact that the effect of the sweet beacon of innocence and joy your sister had on people affected you too. Hazie was your everything, there’s not a single thing you wouldn’t do to protect her, not that she needed it. She may be pretty and cute, but she had quite the stubborn head on her shoulders.

“Momma can I have one more cookie before we go?” Hazel asked with the biggest doe eyes you ever did see, in what world would your mother ever be able to say no to her?

“You’ve already had two… how about half if you split it with your sister?” Your mother replied.

“Okay!” Hazel grabbed the chocolate chip raisin cookies Mrs. Vivian had made and split it mostly in half and handed you the other piece. You were still a little hungry, but you’d just had your snack of raisins and decided that your daily tolerance of their texture was up, so you slipped Hazel the half she gave you on your walk back to the car.

“Shh,” you smiled at her, winking and watching her sweet blue eyes brighten at the sight of what would complete her third cookie. You tossed your backpack in the trunk next to Hazel’s homeschool books and popped in the front seat next to your mom. Your parents decided to homeschool your sister when the pageants and travel started affecting her ability to attend school. Plus it was one less thing your parents would have to pay for, so most of Hazel’s school supplies were just your old school supplies. It seemed like your mom kept everything you or Hazel ever touched.

“Mommy? I feel a little funny.” Hazel piped up from the backseat, interrupting your looking-out-the-window-music-video-vibe you had going on while listening to Beyonce’s newest hit “Crazy in Love.”

“Honestly me too Hazie. Now yours may have to do with the three- yes, three- cookies you ate today. I saw you trying to be sneaky,” your mother glanced at you for a second, “but I think the weather’s changing so it may have something to do with that too.”

“Yeah it’s probably just a bug going around. People were weird today at school too,” you added, trying to ease Hazel’s worries.

“A BUG?? I don’t wanna be sick for my birthday Mommy,” Hazel pouted.

“Oh you won’t, love. It’ll pass, I promise. Do you have any homework today?”

“No, just a test I need to study for in science.” You saw an opportunity and decided to take it. “So I’m not sure I can go to the pre-banquet tonight.”

“WHAT?” Hazel shouted from the backseat.

“Your sister’s right, the banquet won’t be a good use of her time if she needs to study. She’ll be at the pageant though, don’t worry.” Your mom’s obsession with your studies increased once your parents pulled Hazel from school, so you couldn’t be happier to study for your science test. Sitting in a stuffy room all dressed up eating stale food and surrounded by a bunch of snobby girls and their mothers was not how you wanted to spend your evening. You liked dressing up for church on Sundays and special occasions and you wore a little makeup every day, but you certainly were no pageant girl.

“Gosh it’s already 5:00. Help Hazel get ready will you? We need to leave in 45 minutes if we wanna make it there by 6:20…” your mom got out of the car rambling. If your dad was a chronic worrier your mother was an incessant worrier.

“Come on Hazie, let's get you all dressed up,” you said. You were no makeup artist, but for only being 14 and hardly wearing any makeup, you considered yourself pretty good. It was probably due to having done your sister’s makeup for so long. You may not like doing it very much, but you loved making Hazel happy and this definitely made her happy.

“Stop jittering so much. I can barely get this eyeliner on straight and you know I’m no good at eyeliner anyway,” you said.

“I’m sorry, I think I’m just cold," your sister said softly. You immediately felt terrible and grabbed a light pink blanket off her bed and draped it over her shoulders.

“Maybe you are getting sick?” You took your hands to her forehead, but she was cold. “Huh no fever, though.” You more or less got her eyeliner on and started to touch up where her natural curls had flattened. Then you pulled the front bits back into a half up half down look and applied just a touch of tinted lip gloss. She may be required to wear makeup for these pageants but you still wanted her to look more like herself.

“Thank you sissy,” Hazel said and gave you a big hug.

“Of course. And always remember you’re my favorite princess and you’re so so beautiful no matter what anyone says about you,” you said. You’d always been worried about what the effect of pageant life would have on her. You’d seen how deathly skinny some of the older pageant girls are, but you’re just glad Hazel still wants a third cookie.

“HAZEL ELIZABETH WE NEED TO LEAVE!”

“You better go. You know what mom’s like when she thinks she's gonna be late,” you warn your sister.

“I don’t know why she thinks we’re gonna be late, right now we’re still getting there 25 minutes early.”

“Ah, but,” you start.

“Early is on time, on time is late, and late is just unacceptable,” you and Hazel quote your mother perfectly.

“HAZEL!” Your sister's eyes widen as she gives you a kiss on the cheek and then runs out of her room. You hear your mother shout love and goodbye, but leaves you no time to respond before the door slams and you’re met with silence.

Just how you like it.

—

When your dad came in from the fields to find you at home, he wasn’t at all surprised, but that did mean you had to help him out with a few final things he wanted to get finished up today. When you tried to fix up something for dinner you realized your mom has been so preoccupied with Hazel and the pageant next weekend that going to the market must have slipped her mind, so you both settled on popcorn for dinner.

“Now if we’re having popcorn for dinner, we have to watch a movie,” your dad said, shrugging.

“I think you’re right.” You could study for the test later. “What do you wanna watch?”

“Hmmm, how about Harry Potter?”

“Sorcerer's Stone or Chamber of Secrets?”

“Chamber of Secrets for sure. I wanna watch the scene of Hermione as that nightmarish cat” your dad replied. You started searching the DVD cabinet for the movie. “By the way, when’s the third one supposed to come out?”

“Uhhh sometime next summer I think? Ya know, you could just read the books to find out what happens.”

“And spoil the movie?! I would never,” your dad dramatically puts his hand out in front of you, reminding you where Hazel gets all her sass from. You, on the other hand, were more like your mother- empathetic to all, but protective of those you care about. Always a silent watcher and observer, thinking and planning what the correct response or move should be in a situation. It’s why your dad refuses to play board games anymore because either you or your mom would destroy him and Hazel and then it was just a battle between the two of you to see who could outsmart the other. You’d only beaten your mother once. She always seemed to be one step ahead of you. She claims it’s what happens when you become a parent, you’re too mentally prepared for any option to be surprised when something happens. Your dad would always say that’s bullshit because it’s never helped him out, which then turns into your mother scolding him for cursing around Hazel. You work with him in the barn so you’ve heard all the profanities, thanks to his frustrations, so she's not worried about you. She’s under the impression you just filter it out and have the vocabulary of a saint, but in reality you just don’t do it around her and your dad graciously hasn’t told her.

About thirty minutes into the movie, your dad is passed out on the couch so you head upstairs to study for your test on Monday. Whatever made your teacher decide a test after the weekend was a good idea needs to be reevaluated. You plopped down at your desk, opened your textbook and notes, and began to go through them. You had stayed up late the night before studying the reading for the “pop quiz” you took today so your eyes started drooping a lot faster than you thought they would and before you knew it you had passed out on your desk reading your notes.

—

It was 11:30 when you heard it. A strange, croaking noise coming from down the hall that awoke you from your impromptu nap. You were a little disoriented from falling asleep at your desk. Your desk lamp was off, so you assumed one of your parents had shut it off before they went to bed. You turned the lamp back on and realized you had drooled on your notes. Shit. You had only smudged the ink a little bit and decided they were legible enough before you heard it again. Is there a fucking frog in the house? You tried to reason with your very sleep clouded brain when the croaking got closer and you heard a door creak. You got up from your desk chair to peek out your door and saw a small shadow had appeared in the darkness of the hallway. Assuming she also heard the freaky croaking noises and got scared, you called out to her in a whisper.

“Hazie? Are you okay?”

She tilted her head at you and you heard more croaking.

“Hazie…?”

She jumped at you, and an inhuman sound came out of her–a shriek or scream or something you couldn’t even begin to describe. Before you knew it she was on you, clawing, snapping her teeth, and scratching. You were quite a bit bigger than her, and Hazel has always been quite small for her age so you could overtake her physically, but the mental hurdle of trying to understand what she was doing was a battle.

“Hazel? Hazie? Hazel? What the hell is going on, stop it!” You were wrestling with her at the top of the stairs and were starting to get scared she was gonna take you both down them. She kept croaking and screeching and suddenly the light was turned on. Your father stood at the bottom of the stairs, not croaking thankfully, but looking confused. When your mom and sister came home they must have left your dad on the couch and shut your lamp off.

“What the fuck are you two doing? Get off her!” You didn’t know who he was referring to but you didn't have time to ask before you heard more shrieks and inhumane croaks coming from your parents room. The door was shut but it was shaking like someone was pounding on it.

“Dad, something is wrong,” you said, starting to panic now at the possibility your mother would come barreling out of the room acting just like Hazel, or worse. Your dad started moving up the stairs, causing Hazel to suddenly stop attacking you and fly at your father, straight down the stairs. Hazel, or this creature that looked like Hazel, missed your dad completely and basically just flung herself down the stairs. That fall should have killed her or broken a bone at the very least, but she hit the bottom and just got straight back up, then turned to look at the two of you. The croaking and shrieking coming from your parents room was now partnered with sirens and helicopters outside. You didn’t know what was happening but you knew everything was changing much too fast for your liking.

Hazel stood there, staring at you and your father, and started twitching. Similarly to how she had while you were doing her makeup, but more violent. She opened her mouth and in the light from the lamp in the living room and the one above the stairs you could see that there was a tendril-looking plant coming out of your sister's mouth that was moving on its own. You almost thought you were hallucinating. Something compelled your father to move. He barreled down the few stairs he’d come up and grabbed your sister by the neck like he was about to choke her, moving her head up to immobilize it. He studied her for a second before throwing her in the kitchen pantry and shutting the door. She started croaking again. But now she was also screaming. Not the shrieks from before, it sounded like the Hazel you knew. Screams she’d make when she saw a bug or got dirt on her hands. Screams she made when she fell off her bike. Screams like how she should have screamed when she flung herself down the stairs.

Your dad calling your name brought you out of your daze. “I need you to grab something heavy that I can put in front of the door,” he shouted over Hazel and your mother’s screams. You’d never heard so much noise. So much unpleasant noise and it was loud. Loud. So, so loud. You couldn’t think. You could barely will yourself to move from the top of the stairs. Your arms stung and were sticky with blood pouring from where Hazel had scratched you. Could you even say that was Hazel? A more concerning bang from your parents door made you run down the stairs much faster. You could take Hazel in a fight like that, but definitely not your mother. Thankfully, the door held through. You don’t know where you found the strength to push the DVD cabinet in front of the pantry door. Just a few hours ago you were searching through it to find Harry Potter, and now you’re using it to trap your “sister” in the pantry.

“What is happening?” You frantically asked your father. More like yelling at your father over the noise. You just needed it to stop being so loud so you could think.

“I don’t know.” Your father moved from the pantry door that was barely holding on due to your sister trying to break through it. She isn’t that strong. She can’t be that strong? Your dad turns the TV on to see news reports of towns and cities on fire, people killing what looks like other people before cameras could cut away. The signal was barely pulling through, but you could see enough. When the signal was fully cut out, your dad moved to the radio, where they were talking about people who were acting similar to your mom and sister, and how they’re not safe and people need to run or kill them. Then there were croaks and screams and the signal went out and all you heard from the radio was static. Static, screaming, shrieking, your father’s heavy breathing, you couldn’t comprehend what was happening.

“Go to your room, shut the door, lock it, and stay in there until I come get you,” your father moved over to his desk in his office and took his gun out of the drawer and loaded it.

“Dad…? What the fuck are you doing?” You followed him, but suddenly heard gunshots in the distance and more sirens and you both looked out the window. It was rare to hear sirens all the way out where you lived, so you both knew that if you could hear them, it didn't mean anything good.

“What everyone else is,” he said, turning from the window to look at you. He moved to where you were at the front of his office and you could see the conflict in his eyes when he looked at you. “I don’t want this on your conscience.” You couldn’t hold it in anymore. You started to cry. You cried, the shrieks blending in with your sobs. You so desperately wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

“I know sweetheart, I’m sorry.” You looked up and your father was crying too. In your 14 years of life you had never seen your dad cry. That scared you even more.

“Go in your room,” he said sternly, trying to hide his emotions and tears. You wordlessly followed his orders, taking one last look at the pantry, the pounding on the door was going to be the last thing you saw your sister do alive. Your father was about to kill your sister, and your mother. And you were not only letting him, you almost felt thankful. They won’t have to suffer anymore. At the top of the stairs, right before the door to your room, you watched the pounding on the door to your parents room too before slipping into your room and closing the door, locking it, and staying there. Just as you were told. You’d always been a rule follower, but you just never thought it would be something like this.

A few minutes passed before you heard the DVD cabinet get moved and the pantry door finally break open. You assumed your dad had to talk himself into what he was about to. Then you heard it. Bang. A set of croaking stopped and you heard your dad’s sobs as he climbed up the stairs. You sobbed into the pillows of your bed. Then you heard the same thing as before, the door opened, and then the gun went off.

Bang.

And you’re met with silence, but this time you don’t like it.

—

6 years later, date unknown, year 2009

It was a beautiful day. Sunny with a soft breeze. You stood at the two matching headstones with the wildflowers you’d gathered, taking the dead ones out of the pot and adding the new ones. You and your father had stolen the headstones a few weeks after outbreak day. You couldn’t even really say stolen. The owner had gotten infected, and no one was really around to stop you. You and your father carved their names into them that night and wheelbarrowed them over to where you buried them the next morning. Lillian Rose and Hazel Elizabeth. You saw their bodies, for closure purposes. Both with a bullet in the head and cordyceps, you now knew, in their mouths. They didn’t look like them, which helped only a little bit because it didn’t help any with the fact they were dead.

Your father and you drove into town the morning after and got a little bit of information. What law enforcement had told them to do in town, none of them apparently cared enough to go out to the countryside assuming we were all dead. Then what we knew so far about the people being dubbed “the infected,” it passed through bites so you were okay since you only got scratched but you and your dad were both on edge for a few days. And that the town leaders left were calling for a meeting to see who was alive and who wasn’t.

Out of the 450 people in Hazel, 25 people remained. Two of which being you and your father, so 23 others. Most of them were the only ones of their families to survive. It seemed like if you didn’t get sick, a family member bit you before you could do anything or register what was happening. That seemed to be what happened to your neighbors. Your dad killed a lot of infected people that day, including Madison and her family. It seemed like her parents had gotten sick and attacked her because she had a bite mark and they didn’t.

The general consensus of the meeting was that you can try to make it to what eventually became the Nashville QZ, at the time it was just a government support station, because it was closer than the Frankfort one or you can stay here and play survival. Most of the older people decided to try to make it to the QZ, but you and your dad decided to stay. You both felt safer in your own hands rather than someone else’s. After some cars were stocked with people, gas, and food you sent over half of who were left away.

You started playing adult that day. Your father asked for your opinion on every decision setting up this new version of your father-daughter relationship as partners and equals, knowing the two of you were really the only ones you could trust. You’d gone through everything the two of you did that day, why hadn’t you two gotten sick? You figured it out before the authorities did that it was probably flour. The only common thing you and your dad had done was not eat something with flour. Even six years later you think about what might have happened if you had eaten the cookie and gotten sick or if you and your dad had decided to order pizza instead of just eating popcorn and got sick.

You raided the market for non-perishable goods first, then houses. You stepped over bodies, infected and not. You gathered a hell of a lot of gas and stuff for your farm animals. Living off of your land and what you could find was hard, but after you heard about what was going on in the local QZs you were glad you and your father decided to stay.

You were already pretty outdoorsy, but your father taught you even more. You had your own gun now, you practiced throwing knives in your spare time, and you helped with the butchering now and again. You tried to stay good, it’s what your mom would have wanted, so the occasional straggler was given a meal and a place to sleep for the night before “gently” being told to get on their way. You rarely ran into infected, but when you did, you killed them with ease. Your dad hated when you wouldn’t let him do it. He was still trying to preserve some kind of innocence he thought was left in you.

You can’t lie to yourself, the apocalypse and the world shutting down requiring you to work more combined with the fact you had just gotten older had given you the looks you wished you had at 14. You could tell by the way men looked at you when they stopped by your house, and because you weren’t blind. You were 20 now, your body was now fully developed, your hair was long, you’d gotten slightly taller, and your body was thinner and more toned.

You and your dad decided to do one of your rare visits to town to find some cars to get gas out of and maybe check in with the people and make sure they’re doing okay. Out of everyone left in Hazel, you were significantly better off than most people because of the farm and just being more able bodied. There weren’t a lot of families in Hazel, most of them were in the next town over, so it was a lot of middle to late aged people just doing what they could and trading with you and your dad for food. You certainly weren’t living luxuriously or comfortably per say, but your worries were certainly less than others.

Your dad headed into one of the antique shops on main street to see if they still had anything of value. You both ignored the fact this was where your mom worked, and that you’d searched this one hundreds of times, rarely finding anything, and you were only here because it made you feel closer to her. Then you saw them, straight in front of you. A group of people you’d never seen before. They’d just walked out of what used to be the local bar and it looks like they found a stash the other people in town had either been saving or hadn’t found yet. The man at the front of the group noticed you first then said something to the others that made them look your way. It immediately made you worry, you’re used to taking one, maybe two people in for a night but not… 8.

“Dad?” You called softly trying not to give off that you were scared but with enough urgency that he came out immediately. He too noticed what you had seen and that they were headed right towards you.

“Fuck,” he said taking his gun out from behind his back and holding it down at his side, as did you.

“Well hellooo there,” the man who was in front said with a bit of a southern accent, “who might we have here to bless us?”

“Mike, how about you?” your father said and you smirked.

“Well I’m Ryan, and we’re just a group of people trying to get by, you think you could help us with that?” You scanned over the group of them, out of the 8 only 2 were female, but they all looked set to kill you and your father at any second. But there were two men in the back, however, who looked uncomfortable. They looked similar enough to be at least related, maybe brothers. One was taller and more well built than the other who was only slightly shorter but skinnier and with more defined muscles but you could tell they could both pick you up one handed and throw you down with ease. The taller one definitely caught your eye the longest, he looked like he’d seen some things.

“That depends, what exactly do you want from us?” Your father did the talking and like always you did the observing.

“Some food to start, our location, and maybe something fun for later,” Ryan said, eyeing you. Bold. Now you had to speak up.

“I don’t know what you had in mind but I can guarantee my idea of fun and yours may not be the same,” you said softly but not unstrong. You can sense that he doesn’t like hearing no so you’ll at least be gentle about it.

“Oh please enlighten me,” he said, taking a step toward you. You took a step toward him.

“I like to throw knives, and I can think of a target I could practice with, if it's not too small,” you say, giving him a sweet smile. The other members of the group giggle and this Ryan guy backs off.

“Aren’t you just a sweet peach,” he said sarcastically.

“Now, we can help with the food and location, but if you’re going to stay here you’re going to follow our rules. Got it?” You said.

“Now what makes you think we’re gonna wanna abide by that?” Ryan says.

“Because you wouldn’t be asking us for help if you didn’t need it, and looks to me like this girl over here is coming down with something so you need medication too. I can also tell that you all are longing for a good night's rest and haven’t eaten well in a few days, so if you want any of that, you're gonna listen to us.” Your observations seemed to sway them because soon enough they were in the bed of your dad’s pickup and you were headed back to your house.

—

You all exchanged information and food. They snarfed their meals and you couldn’t blame them. You learned most of them were from Texas but a few were from Louisiana and Mississippi. They were traveling north, apparently the QZs in the bigger cities like Boston and Philadelphia were doing better than the Kentucky ones so they were trying to make it there because life in the open was getting harder and harder. You learned that the FEDRA people had finally developed a test for cordyceps that pinched you in the neck and the reader would light up green or red. But the most thought provoking thing you learned was about raiders and FEDRA raids. You and your dad had thought the FEDRA raids were over, but apparently they were still going out on random raids to try to collect people. Not things or supplies, people. And then killing them because dead people can’t get infected. But the sound of raiders just terrified you. You figured the people in front of you were raiders of a sort but they seemed to be on the better end of what’s out there.

“We only kill if they attack us first, raiders kill first,” a woman named Sasha said. You looked at your dad and you could see the thoughts crossing his mind. We won’t be safe from any of that.

“If you think it would be best, you’re welcome to join us. Your food supplies should get us most of the way there and if we can ride in your truck it would help us get there faster. Try to find better lives for all of us,” another guy whose name you haven’t been told yet said.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea Blake, but we’ll have to let them think about it,” Ryan said in response.

You looked at your dad shrugging your shoulders slightly, “It’s not a bad idea, we’ll eventually run out of things here and one dry season and that's it.” Your dad looks at you slowly and you try to communicate with your eyes what you’re really thinking. It’s an opportunity to get out of here with actual able bodied help to maybe find somewhere easier.

“Okay,” he says to you first, “okay,” he says again directed at Ryan.

You picked up some of the dishes and headed into the kitchen to start washing them. You quickly grabbed the extra soap from the pantry and a common thought of yours crossed your mind, that you didn’t have to open the door anymore. You heard footsteps behind you and who you expected to be your father was actually the two men you had guessed were brothers, carrying the other dishes.

“Oh, well thanks…” you said, a little surprised.

“Yeah, no problem,” the younger one said with a real southern drawl you hadn’t heard in a long time, “I’m Tommy by the way. And this is my older brother…”

“Joel.”

#the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou #tlou hbo #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller reader insert #joel tlou #tommy miller #tess the last of us

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art-estrange · 2 months

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I bet you can guess who this next fic is about👁️👁️

And before anyone says “but what about AMAMOA???” I haven’t COMPLETELY given up on her. I started chapter 3 back in December and then my laptop fell and broke so Ive kinda been without a computer for a bit (and i know i can just post from my phone like I usually do but i feel better typing out fics in my computer and then pasting them into tumblr.

But yeah joel fic coming at some pointttttt im still fleshing out the idea idek the details of whats going on just like… somethings…. But let me know what you think so far!

Em out🫶🏽🫶🏽✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽

(If you click the red text it’ll send you to the prologue of my current fanfic thats on hold for the moment “A Man After My Own Art” a Professor/Boss! Pedro X Teaching Assistant/Employee! Reader fic)

#x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal x you #joel miller reader insert #joel miller x y/n #joel x y/n #joel miller fluff #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel x reader #joel the last of us #joel miller #joel tlou

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guess-my-next-obsession · 1 year

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25 w joel!!

The Third Date

pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

rating: E (18+ ONLY, minimal plot, cunnilingus bc obviously, unprotected piv, joel talks you through it, rough-ish sex, creamp!e, soft fluffy joel bc daddy, i love him)

wc: 2.6k

prompt: 25. “Does that feel good?”

joel masterlist

The summer breeze offered just a bit of respite from the Texas heat, even though the sun had long gone down. You had a stuffed animal tucked under your arm, something bright pink and unicorn-adjacent, though you couldn’t be sure. He won it for you at the county fair, the location of your third date that somehow managed to top the first two. You had no intention of keeping it for yourself, it was much too big and ostentatious for your taste, but you thought it would make a nice gift for Joel’s six-year old daughter.

Walking up the pathway to your apartment, Joel’s hand clasped with yours, you began to feel a thrilling rustle of excitement and anticipation in your stomach. He’d been a gentleman so far, keeping his kisses tame and not letting his hands wander too far, but this was the third date, after all. You couldn’t help but pray he’d finally accept your invitation to come inside your place tonight.

“So,” he started, a shy smile on his face as you faced each other in front of your door. “I had a really good time tonight.”

“Me too.” You smiled back just as smitten. “I know you mentioned wanting to wait, but…if you wanted, you could come inside.”

Joel seemed to study you for a moment, his smile growing wider as he admired the sparkle in your eye. He’d been wanting to follow you inside since your first date, but given that he wanted something serious to come from this, he figured the smartest thing to do would be to wait for the right moment. And right now seemed as right as ever, though he did feel a little embarrassed to only make it three dates before giving in to his need for you.

“I’d love to,” he replied, reaching to cup your jaw. You closed your eyes as he leaned in to press his lips against yours, soft and sweet, just like all the other times, but soon it grew hungrier. He moaned against your lips as your fingers curled over the leather of his belt, tugging him closer. “Maybe we should take this inside, darlin’.”

“Yeah,” you panted, nodding as you scrambled through your bag to find your keys. Unlocking your door and stepping inside, Joel plucked the stuffed animal from underneath your arm and set it down on the carpet before quickly finding your hips and walking you backwards into your living room. “Wait—“ you giggled as you fell back against the plush cushions. “Shut and lock the door.”

“Oh, right,” he chuckled and blushed at his eagerness, the front door still wide open. He walked over to it and shut it, locking the doorknob and closing the deadbolt for extra measure. When he turned back to you, he was still flushed. “Got ahead of myself there.”

“That’s okay,” you assured in a purr, curling your finger at him to beckon him close again. “I like it when you get ahead of yourself.”

“Oh yeah?” he grinned and strutted towards you until he was leaning over the couch, his lips ghosting over yours. “You look so goddamn beautiful sittin’ here, you know that?”

“Why don’t you show me just how beautiful you think I am…with these?” You laced your fingers with his and and squeezed.

“Do I have permission to use more than just my hands?” he purred as he pulled you up onto your feet, his hands leaving yours so that he could hold the small of your back while yours rested on his chest.

“Depends, I think I need a sample first,” you purred back with a smirk. Tipping your head towards the hallway, you whispered, “Bedroom’s that way.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Joel never let go of you as he walked you backwards down the hall, his lips slowly and carefully working yours until you were sure if you tried to speak, the only thing that would come out was a string of incoherent squeaks.

“This one?” Joel asked as you arrived at your closed bathroom door, and you were forced to test your theory.

“No,” you managed, pointing behind him at the other closed door. “That—it’s that one.”

“You nervous?” he asked, his face shifting from one of amusement to concern. You quickly shook your head and reached your hand to his face.

“No,” you found your vocal footing. “Well, I mean as nervous as anyone would be before they took a beautiful man like you to bed.” Joel blushed. “You just…make me dizzy, that’s all.”

“I make you dizzy?” he asked as though it was an unheard of thought. “Baby—“ He grabbed your hand and lowered it to his thumping heart. “You’re making me dizzy.”

“Joel,” you exhaled. “Open the door.”

Joel nodded, a look of stunned reverence on his face as he scrambled to reach behind him for the doorknob, fumbling with it until it turned and opened the door. You stumbled inside, your hands gripping onto his shirt while his lifted the skirt of your dress, your teeth clashing as he kissed you breathless, neither of you caring about how sloppy it was.

“Take your clothes off,” you ordered as you lifted your dress over your head. Joel was quick to obey your command, tugging his t-shirt over his head before peeling his jeans off. You crawled onto your bed and sat on your knees in the middle of it, a smile on your face as he took you in. Joel ticked his jaw and chuckled as he crawled onto the mattress to join you, his warm palms resting on your waist as he guided you back against the pillows.

“You’re fuckin’—“ He shook his head as he hovered above you, his eyes taking over your entire form. “Breathtakin’, baby.”

“You’re not too bad yourself,” you grinned.

“Oh, yeah right. You’re just sayin’ that.”

“No—“ You reached for his hand, lowering it until his fingertips rested on your clothed mound, allowing him to feel your dampness. “That’s what you do to me.”

“Fuck,” he exhaled and leaned down to kiss you again, deep and slow and hungry. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby.”

You didn’t doubt his promise, the look in his eyes alone lighting you up in ways every other lover never seemed to master.

His lips traveled down the slopes and curves of your body, stopping at the cups of your bra to knead your breasts in his hands. His fingers slipped the straps down your shoulders before he reached beneath you to undo the clasp, the lace slowly unveiling your pert nipples to him for the first time. He sucked in sharply and looked up at you as though he was seeing god.

“Perfect.”

Your back arched as he swirled his tongue around the sensitive bud before sucking it into his mouth, his hand snaking down your belly and back to the damp spot on your lacy panties.

“God,” you moaned, your eyes screwing shut as he rubbed perfectly pressured circles against your clit, the lace adding a beautiful bit of friction that had you keening for more.

“Does that feel good?” he rasped as he kissed his way to your other breast. You nodded quickly and lowered your eyes to meet his, your breath hitching at the look of lust blowing out his already dark eyes. “Good. I’m just gettin’ started with you.”

“Fuck,” you whined, already nearly fucked-out and he’d hardly even touched you.

Joel’s lips moved lower, pressing sloppy, open mouthed kisses to your stomach and over your navel until he was kissing the waistband of your panties. Moving lower, he ran his nose up and down your clothes slit, an animalistic groan vibrating against your core.

“Smells so sweet, baby,” he praised in a rasp. “Can I taste you?”

“Please,” you urged, combing his dark hair back as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of your panties and tugged them off you. When he returned to his spot between your legs, he pressed kisses onto the sensitive skin of your thighs, urging them to fall open for him. When you finally worked up the courage to spread yourself wide for him, Joel took a look at your soaked pussy and nearly drooled, his eyes wild as they lifted from your heat to your eyes.

“I’m gonna stay down here forever, baby, so damn pretty.” You were about to respond to his praise but he cut you off with a broad lick from your dripping entrance up to your clit, punctuating it with a swirl of his tongue. Your back arched off the bed and your hands found the headboard, pressing on them to find purchase so you didn’t float off into heaven. “Tastes so fuckin’ good, too, baby. You’re just a fuckin’ dream, ain’t ya?”

“Joel,” you nearly cried, so consumed by him and the filth leaving his tongue that you didn’t even care how desperate you sounded. Joel didn’t seem to mind, either, his tongue returning to your folds to pull more pretty sounds from you. “You feel—fuck—you feel so good.”

He hummed against you and you could feel his smile as he lapped at you. You didn’t dare look down at him, knowing that if you did, you’d never be able to look at anything else ever again. The man between your legs was quickly earning his spot as your idol, beating out any god that would dare smite you for it.

“So fuckin’—“ he mumbled into your pussy, the last few words turning into nothing but hums against your clit as he sucked it into his mouth. You were already there, free-falling over the cliffs of bliss, but when he pressed two fingers deep into your cunt and curled up, you swore you died and went to heaven, but that couldn’t be—not for someone so gladly taking part in sin like this. “There you go,” he praised, pulling back enough to watch you writhe, your cunt pulsing around his fingers. “So good for me, baby.”

“Joel, please,” you mewled, grabbing at him to pull him back to you. You needed to ground yourself under the weight of his body, to feel his warmth and remember that you were here, and so was he. Joel obliged, climbing back up your body until he was resting on top of you, hugging you close. “Let me taste you.”

“Not tonight, baby,” he whispered in your ear. “Just wanna make you feel good.”

“You’re…perfect,” you sighed and he chuckled, pulling one out of you in turn. He propped himself up on his elbows and stroked your hair back, grinning down at you.

“I like you a lot,” he confessed, his eyes as tender as his voice.

“I like you a lot, too,” you smiled back. “But right now, I want you fuck me like you can’t stand me.”

“Oh yeah?” he chuckled before leaning in to kiss your pulse. “You want it rough, baby?”

“Mmhm,” you hummed in response and nodded.

“Turn over for me,” he ordered. “All fours.”

You wasted no time in obeying, your body scrambling into your knees as soon as he lifted himself off you. Pressing your face and chest down, you arched your ass up as high as you could, turning your head so that you could catch a glimpse of him from over your shoulder as he lined himself up behind you.

“I don’t have a condom,” he warned. “But I got tested a few weeks back and I’m clean.”

“Me too, and I’m on birth control.” He nodded and leaned down to press a kiss to the globe of your ass. Shaking it for him, he cooed in delight at the sight. “Hurry up back there, I’m getting needy.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You could hear the grin on his face. “I like it when you boss me around.”

“Good, so do I.” You chuckled for a moment, but were cut off by the blunt head of his cock pressing into your entrance, sliding all the way in in one quick thrust. You gasped and gripped the pillows beneath you as he kept himself buried completely in your heat for a moment, his own breath ragged as he waited for you to acclimate to his girth. “So fucking big, Joel.”

“Baby, I ain’t gonna last long,” he warned, wrecked and trembling already. “Rub that pretty clit for me while I fuck you, can you do that?”

Nodding your head, you reached beneath you to start rubbing circles against your swollen and sensitive bud while he withdrew his cock all the way before shoving back in, the head of hit prodding against your g-spot.

“Fuck, baby,” you moaned, eyes squeezing shut as he set a brutal pace, his cock pistoning in and out of you just like you asked for. You knew you were going to be sore in the morning but none of that mattered now, not with the searing hot pleasure of ecstasy building again. When his hand came cracking down upon your ass, you gasped, but any worry you may have caused Joel was quickly dispelled by the twitching of your walls around him.

“You like that, don’t ya?” he teased in a purr, bringing his hand down to spank the other cheek, your pussy pulsing for him again. “God,” he choked on the word. “Such a dirty fuckin’ girl for me, ain’t ya?”

“Yes!” you cried, your fingers now working your clit fast, your toes curling as your orgasm threatened to wreck you for good. “Joel, I’m—“

“Go on, baby,” he urged. “Soak my cock.”

You fell flat onto the bed as your orgasm hit, but Joel followed you, his brutal thrusts never ceasing as you came for him with a cry of his name so loud you were concerned the neighbors would call the police.

“Fuck!” he moaned loud enough for them to hear, too. “I’m gonna cum, baby. Where do you want me?”

“My pussy,” you managed, still reeling from your high. “Cum inside my pussy.”

“Jesus,” Joel groaned, feral like a wild animal and pressed deep inside you, so deep that you could feel him in your stomach as his cock swelled and twitched with his release. His chest heaved against your back as he laid over your limp form, pressing kisses to your shoulders. “Fuck.”

“Talk about a good third date,” you sighed, content and sated. Joel laughed and nodded as he rested his head against your shoulder, carefully and slowly pulling out of you with a hiss before rolling over onto his back.

“I probably should’ve asked earlier, but…can I stay the night with you?” he asked, drawing hearts on the heated skin of your back. You turned your head to the other side to face him and grinned.

“What about Sarah?”

“She’s at my mom’s,” he assured.

“In that case, yes. I would love it if you stayed the night.” He grinned and beckoned you into his side and you nestled in there, resting your head on his chest and taking your turn drawing your name on his skin. “Besides, that gives me the chance to finally suck your dick like I’ve been dreaming about.”

“God, baby,” he groaned and rolled you onto your back, resting himself between your thighs as he pecked every inch of your face. “How am I gonna ever leave this bed?”

•

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal fluff #joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller fic #joel miller reader insert #joel miller x reader smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel tlou #tlou fanfiction

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punkette1026 · 9 months

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Hi💗 just discovered ur Joel fics they’re so cute💗💗 I was wondering are we gonna get a part two for Mistaken Identity to continue the “Baby moon”?

Have a nice day/night!💗💗🫶🏻🫶🏻

Hello, yes I can definitely make that a possibility. Would you like fluff or a little bit of a spicy variety lol thank you so much for the support I appreciate it

#joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #pedro x reader #pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller reader insert #joel miller requests

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midnightsnyx · 8 months

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what if i told you (i love you) part 3 - joel miller

pairing: joel miller!fem reader

chapter summary: with Joel and Ellie still in Jackson, you try to navigate your confusing feelings towards Joel. warnings: small mentions of violence, angst, fluff, swearing I think. let me know if i missed anything please! also this isn't edited at all. if you know tlou and wanna beta this story, that would be lovely <3 word count: 3k masterlist series masterpost ask box tag list form

authors note: thought I abandoned this story? same. so it's been a hot minute, and I'm not sure if anyone is still interested in this story but it's been in the back of my mind and then 3k words poured out of me at work today. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but I hope you like it anyways. I'll tag the people who asked, but I know it's been MONTHS so if you want to be removed from the tag list, send me a message and if you want to be added to the list, fill out this form. if you've got any questions, comments or thoughts, my ask box is here or just leave a comment in the notes:). thanks for reading, like & hit that reblog button if you enjoy it🩵

When Jack was first born, you went through a rough time. You were a new mom in a post-apocalyptic world and still trying to get over the betrayal you felt from Joel. You spent many nights at the kitchen table with Maria or Avery, crying or sitting in silence and feeling numb. The hardest nights were when you missed him, because that meant feeling weak and you hated letting yourself feel like you needed him.

Your task of avoiding him during his stay in Jackson is becoming particularly difficult because of the duckling you seem to have acquired. Ellie trails after you nearly anywhere you and Jack go and Joel has no intention of letting Ellie out of his sight for longer than a few hours. A small part of you is jealous that he seems to see the girl as a daughter when he wouldn’t even accept Jack but you can’t blame her, so you let her tag along while pretending Joel isn’t always hovering in the background like a mother hen. During movie night, you seat Jack with Ellie and go stand in the back with the adults. Brad, one of the men around your age immediately comes over and tries to strike up a conversation with you. He’s nice enough, and not hard on the eyes but you never really let yourself make time for dating. You have your hands full with your kid so you just smile politely but entertain him, listening to him talk about going on patrol but tune him out when he begins bragging about taking out a pack of clickers. You know his story isn’t true because Avery was on the same patrol as him and told you when the clickers showed up, he hid while everyone else took care of it.

At some point, you can feel a pair of eyes on you and immediately you know who it is without having to look. You’re trying to ignore it but his eyes feel like they’re burning a hole in your head so you turn to look and as you do, he quickly walks out of the building. You don’t know what comes over you, but you excuse yourself from your conversation with Brad and follow Joel outside. He didn’t go far, you find him leaning against the wall near the door a few feet away, arms crossed and deep in thought. It’s close to impossible to sneak up on him unless he’s feeling safe or is with someone he trusts. You’re apparently neither anymore because his head shoots up as soon as you get close.

He stares at you, mouth opening and closes a few times before he looks back at the ground and scuffing his boot in the dirt. You’ve no idea why you even followed him out here in the first place and after a few more seconds of silence, you start to head back inside but his voice stops you just as it did a few nights ago. He still has this invisible hold on you and you can’t understand why.

“Sarah,” he mumbles so quietly you wouldn’t have heard it if it wasn’t silent outside. “Her name was Sarah and she was my entire world and she’s gone.”

Tommy had admitted to you on one of your bad nights while he and Maria were trying to comfort you that Joel had lost a daughter. You’d put two and two together after Tommy made the memorial with Maria’s late son and the name Sarah who you knew was neither of theirs.

“Yeah,” you whisper, hating the ache in your chest you feel for him. You can’t imagine losing Jack but you don’t know if you can accept what he is insinuating. You can hear him walk towards you and you fight the urge to leave because as much as you don’t want to be around him, this is the first time he’s opened up to you.

“I thought it’d be replacin’ her,” he mumbles and you realize he means Jack. That accepting another child would mean replacing his late daughter.

You turn around to find him closer than you were expecting and take a step backwards, almost toppling backwards but his arms reach out and catch you. He doesn’t let go immediately, hands firm and steady gripping your arms exactly how you remember. For a moment, neither of you move. It’s as if you’re in a trance and it only breaks when the door flies open and Jack comes running out the door with Ellie chasing after him.

You pull away from Joel, picking up Jack when he reaches for you.

“Mama! The movie’s over,” he says and then frowns. “You were gone.”

“I came out for some fresh air.”

He grumbles and tucks his face in the crook of your neck. “‘S cold,”

You’re about to respond when Joel shrugs his thick brown jacket off and drapes it over Jack but it’s big enough that it covers you as well.

You mumble a quiet thanks, ignoring the curious look Ellie gives you both and bid goodbye to the both of them, promising the girl that you would see her tomorrow.

It was inevitable, you realize, sitting at the table listening to Jack tell Joel and Ellie a story you’d told him too often.

“And-and then the Prince saved the Princess from a huge monster who’s teeth go click click click and then they went to Fred and Bob’s house for dinner!”

You can feel Joel’s eyes on you the entire time Jack is telling them the story. He’s clearly piecing together that this isn’t just some made up story you told your son but a kid-friendly version of something that happened between you and Joel. It was shortly before you left Boston, Joel and yourself going to Bill and Franks for something. You’d been distracted because it was just after you found out you were pregnant and hadn’t told anyone yet and you turned your back for a split second while you were in the wrong place and nearly torn apart by a clicker. Joel had been furious, saying you needed to be more careful but he couldn’t have been that mad because after lecturing you for ten minutes, he’d pinned you against a tree and kissed you until you couldn’t remember your name.

It was one of the last times he had kissed you before you told him you were pregnant and then left Boston.

“Quite a story,” Joel says, looking at Jack who proudly smiles at the older man's comment. “Does the Princess have a name?”

Jack gives you a curious look and when you don’t say anything, he shrugs and looks back at Joel.

“Mama never said.”

Ellie snickers quietly, obviously also realizing that the story is based on actual events. Joel gives her a look but she doesn’t back down despite his glare. She leans towards Jack and grins.

“Do you have any more stories about the Prince and Princess?”

Simultaneously, you and Joel both say “no” a little too loudly which earns the two of you some looks.

“I think it’s time for someone to go to school,” you say, standing up and offering your hand to Jack who grumbles but climbs off his chair and requests to be picked up by you rather than walk. You know you’re probably babying him but he’s growing too quick and soon he won’t want to be carried around by his mom so you’re cherishing every moment.

You chance a look at Joel before you leave and he’s wearing the softest expression you’ve probably ever seen on him and it makes your stomach do somersaults and cheeks warm. It’s probably a bad idea, no it’s definitely a bad idea but when it comes to Joel Miller, you always made bad choices.

“You guys can walk with us if you’d like,” you say and Ellie is out of her chair before you even finish the sentence. Joel looks a little more hesitant but he still doesn’t like going far without the girl in his sight so he follows the three of you outside.

Of course by the time you get to the small school Jackson has, Jack is more than happy to go in and play with his friends. He gives you, Ellie, and a startled Joel hugs before running inside without looking back. You’re grateful that you have a place here where Jack can have as close to a normal childhood one can have in this world. You can’t imagine if you’d stayed in Boston what kind of upbringing he would’ve had. You certainly don’t miss it there, aside from the nights you missed Joel which were far and few in between up until he showed up here. The reason he’s here is still unclear although you have a suspicion Tommy knows more than what he’s told you and even Maria. The length of Joel and Ellie’s stay is also not known. You were expecting them to just need to stop and get supplies before continuing their journey but they’re still here and you have no idea when they’ll be leaving.

You’re not sure what possessed you to invite Joel and Ellie to your little house for dinner but here you are, chopping vegetables to make soup. Jack is still at school and the soup will take time to cook but Ellie insisted on helping you prepare it and Joel said he needed to go see Tommy. It’s kind of nice to have company even if it’s in the form of a fourteen year old. Said fourteen year old has been awfully quiet the past twenty minutes and you can tell she’s wanting to ask you something but is stopping herself.

“Go ahead,” you eventually say, tired of her silence.

“Joel is Jack’s dad, isn’t he?”

You’re so tempted to say no, only for the fact that she obviously looks up to Joel and you don’t know who she would look at as the bad guy. And honestly is the best policy, right?

“Yeah,” you tell her, noticing when her shoulders deflate.

She’s quiet for another five minutes before asking, “Did Joel tell you to leave?”

You’re quick to answer this question because as wrong as what Joel did was, it was your decision to leave Boston and you don’t want to put some wedge between them.

“No, I left because I wanted a better life for Jack.” It’s not a complete lie, Joel is part of why you left but you really did want a better life for your son than what he would’ve had in Boston.

“Alright,” she eventually says and then: “Can you pass me another carrot?”

And that’s that. You both chat about random things, she tells you some terrible puns and you buckle and reluctantly tell her some more stories of when you, Joel and Tess lived in Boston. She tells you that Joel won’t talk about Tess and she feels guilty about her death. You listen quietly, letting her spill out things she must have been holding in knowing Joel didn’t want to hear it.

“I knew Tess really well,” you tell her. “She wouldn’t have done what she did if she didn’t think it was worth it.”

Ellie looks at you hesitantly. “Yeah?”

You nod and she smiles a little before asking if she can come with you to pick up Jack, but you tell her that Avery is going to pick him up and drop him here. Since you’ve got some quiet time, you decide to do some cleaning while Ellie goes to the house she and Joel have been staying at to take a shower.

It’s a couple hours later when there’s a knock on your door and you’re figuring it’s Avery with Jack so when you open the door, you almost drop the broom you’re holding when you see Joel standing in front of you and Jack in his arms. You start to ask why Joel has Jack and where Avery is when you see the woman in question standing at the bottom of the stairs with a sheepish smile on her face.

“We, uh, ran into Mr. Miller on our way here and Jack insisted that he come with us,” she explains but you can’t stop looking at the duo in front of you. Jack is smiling, arms wrapped around Joel’s neck and telling him a story but Joel is watching you warily, like he’s expecting you to yell or something.

“Hi mama,” Jack says but makes no move to leave Joel’s arms. In fact, he looks very pleased that the older man is carrying him.

“Hi baby,” you reply, unsure what to do. You don’t want to upset Jack by taking him from Joel but you can’t tell if the latter is uncomfortable. Avery, sensing the tension, smiles brightly and waves awkwardly.

“I gotta go feed Lucy,” she says, already walking backwards. “See ya, Jack!”

Jack shouts goodbye to Avery and you finally snap out of your stupor, stepping back to let Joel walk inside. He toes off his boots and you’re about to offer to take his jacket when you realize he’s not wearing one because you never gave him it back last night.

“Dinner smells good,” he says, following you to the living room where Jack finally wriggles out of Joel’s arms but only to get a toy to show him.

“Look Mr. Miller,” the boy says, offering a wooden train that you gave him for his birthday. An older gentleman in the town made it for you after hearing Jack talking about how much he loved looking at pictures of trains.

“That’s a really nice train,” Joel compliments, sitting down on the couch. Jack immediately climbs up and settles down next to him, chatting about the toy and you watch as Joel listens intently, nodding at the right times and you remember that he’s done this before, it may have been twenty years ago, but he’s dealt with an excited almost five-year-old.

The front door opening and closing tears your attention away from them and you look to find Ellie walking towards you, shrugging off her jacket. She lays it on the rocking chair and then plops down next to Jack, shooting you a small smile. There’s something in her expression that is sadder than when she left and you wonder if something happened since she left but you don’t bother asking her now. Instead, you go set the table and check the soup to make sure it’s done before calling everyone to the kitchen. Jack makes sure his chair is as close to Joel’s as he can get it so he can keep talking to him.

You have heavily conflicted feelings about the relationship growing between them. On one hand, it’s kind of nice that Jack is getting to know his dad, even if he doesn’t know Joel is his father. On the other hand, if you let Jack get too attached to Joel, it’ll break his heart when he and Ellie leave. So, you decide tonight after Jack is gone to bed and Ellie goes home, you’ll sit Joel down and ask him why he’s here and when he’s leaving.

Of course that doesn’t happen because Ellie and Jack pass out on the sofa after reading every children's book you own and you and Joel end up sitting at the table, drinking some liquor Maria had given you that you never got around to drinking. You’re not drunk, but you’re tipsy enough that you feel relaxed around Joel and laugh at whatever he’s saying. It almost feels like Boston, when the days were so long and dark that all you wanted to do was sit and drink with him and eventually wind up in bed together.

Except now, you’ve got two kids who are sleeping in the living room and no intention of going to bed with him. Well, maybe if you let yourself have a few more glasses and if there weren’t kids in the other room but that’s just the alcohol in your system making you think things you shouldn’t.

“Do you remember when Frank asked how long we’d been dating?” He asks and you snort at the memory. You didn’t know at the time why Frank would even think that since you and Joel had been bickering the entire time you were at dinner, and Tess had to tell the two of you to knock it off multiple times. She had choked on her water when you asked why Frank thought you were dating and he said that it was because the two of you reminded him of Bill and himself.

“Yeah, Tess nearly choked because she was laughing when we simultaneously shouted no and then Bill caught us making out behind his house,” you say, smiling behind a sip of your drink. He doesn’t react to you saying Tess’s name and just shakes his head with a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. He tilts his head a little so he’s looking at you and not the ceiling.

“If I thought it covered the pain I caused you, I’d say sorry,” he says quietly and a little broken.

You look away, swallowing loudly. “Well, sorry would be a start.”

You don’t say that you’re not sure if you can forgive him, even if he did say sorry. Even if he knelt in front of you and begged, you’re not sure if you could push past the last five years. Every night you spent sobbing into your pillow in Boston while you waited for him to come back after you told him you were pregnant. Every bad night you had here in Jackson, thinking of why he did it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers softly, like it’s a secret.

Blinking back tears, you clear your throat and nod. “Thank you.”

Thank you but I can’t forgive you, goes unsaid. But a little voice in the back of your mind whispers, I can't forgive you yet and you can’t help but believe it a little bit.

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#allies writing #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x y/n #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us imagine #tlou x reader #tlou fanfiction #joel miller reader insert

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headkiss · 11 months

Note

can I request joel taking care of reader who is seriously injured? I’m thinking maybe something gets infected and she gets really sick, so he is catering to her every need? I love the hurt/comfort dynamic because I feel like his love language is acts of service!!

hiii it’s a teeny bit different but i hope u still like it!!! | 0.7k angst to fluff, tw for an injury and blood!

“You’re gonna be fine.”

The voice is so clearly Joel’s, that you could never miss, but you can’t tell if it’s real. Your vision is hazy, ears ringing, you’re not sure where you are anymore.

It all happened so fast. Your shift with Joel, the raiders coming out from nowhere, fighting them off, the searing pain of a knife in your side. Everything after that is blank, slipping in and out of consciousness.

“You hear me? You’re gonna be okay,” it’s him again, and you can feel his arms around you, carrying you back to Jackson, probably.

“Joel,” you muster out his name before closing your eyes again.

“‘M right here.”

He’s trying his best to be composed, to be strong for you, but the blood soaking your shirt has his hands shaking and his mind reeling with a memory that never seems to stop haunting him. But he won’t lose you, he can’t.

By the time Jackson comes into view, you’ve been quiet, but Joel’s hand that holds your head up can feel the pulse in your neck. You’re gonna live because you have to, because he can’t lose you, especially not like this. Not when he hasn’t said the things he wants to tell you.

Tommy’s the one who sees Joel carrying you first, and then there’s yelling and people clearing a path, and then Joel’s laying you down on a bed at the doctor’s.

It feels like hours in the waiting room before someone steps out and Joel stands right away.

“It’s gonna be alright,” the doctor says, nodding to the hall behind him, “go ahead.”

Joel doesn’t waste a second, nodding and rushing back into the room. He finds you, laying down, breathing, alive. He pulls up the guest chair and sits down next to your bed, reaching out and grabbing your hand.

When you wake up, you feel something cool being pressed to your forehead. Your senses come back slowly, hearing Joel’s voice mumbling something you can’t make out, then feeling his hand clasped around yours. To make sure you aren’t dreaming it up, you squeeze his hand.

“Come on, wake up,” you hear him say, his thumb running back and forth over your skin. Joel’s never been a man of many words, but he tells you enough with the few he uses.

You blink your eyes open slowly, fluttering and wincing at the brightness until you can see the ceiling of the doctor’s place. You lull your head to the side and see him, hair a mess, eyebrows furrowed (like usual), a frown on his face.

“Joel?” You croak out.

His eyes flick over to yours, and he lifts a damp washcloth from your forehead with the hand that isn’t holding onto yours.

“You’re awake.”

“Everything hurts,” you say, trying to sit up.

“Stop. Let me help you, okay?” He doesn’t let you answer, lifting you gently with an arm around your shoulders to put an extra pillow behind your back. His hand is still in yours. “Can I do something?”

“Water would be nice.”

Joel doesn’t waste a second, twisting around to grab a glass of water on the table next to your bed and then lifting it to your mouth. He tilts it for you, too.

“I could’ve done that,” you say as he puts the glass back down.

“I don’t want you hurting yourself. You lost a lot of blood, and you’ve got stitches.”

It’s then you remember what really happened to you. The raiders, the pain, the flashes of Joel helping you home.

“You saved my life.”

“Did you really think I’d leave you, sweetheart?”

Joel calls you ‘sweetheart’ on rare occasions, when he can’t seem to stop it from slipping, and every time, it makes your heart do a stupid jump.

“No, Joel. I didn’t.”

As quiet as he is, as closed-off and often grumpy, you know that he cares about people, about you.

“I was really fuckin’ scared,” he says, pushing damp baby hairs from your forehead, “I thought I didn’t really get scared anymore.”

“You’re not as cold as you think, Joel.” You blink slowly, squeeze his hand again just to be sure you aren’t hallucinating, “you’re not cold at all.”

“Not with you.”

Joel wants to say so much more, and he will, someday, but he can tell you’re exhausted, your blinks growing longer, heavier. It’s like you’re fighting to stay awake, to keep talking to him.

“You can sleep, sweetheart,” he says, his hand shifting to rest on the side of your head. “You need the rest.”

“Will you stay?”

“Yeah, I’ll stay.”

He’ll stay as long as you’ll have him.

626 notes · View notes

squintyeyedjoel · 1 year

Text

Spark in a Snowstorm (Joel x Reader)

A/N: This happened after I just had an Idea™️ that I had to get out of my system. It’s a weird hybrid of show and game Joel - I want to say mostly game Joel, but I pictured show Joel. (Make it make sense.) Also, this is the first thing I have ever written for Joel, TLoU, and spiciness, so…. We’ll just see how this goes over. 😬 (No specific age specified for reader, aside from her remembering life before the outbreak, so I leave that up to you.) No use of Y/N.

Synopsis: When patrol goes awry with a clicker attack, and you’re snowed into a safe house with your partner Joel, things are said in the midnight hours under the warm glow of firelight that offer change in the dawning light of a new day.

I do not own The Last of Us or it’s characters. Sadly. But I carry them in my heart. Does that count for something? My soul says yes.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, some spice, and Joel is a warning in and of himself in this one. Typical show violence. (Brief mentions of blood) Swearing. The spice is somewhat explicit, but it’s just talking, nothing past a few words. Mention of loss. (Spoilers if you haven’t watched the show/played the game.) Ellie is a menace from a distance. Drop ins from some of our other favorite characters bc why not. Arguing? Banter. Some of Joel’s Texan accent. (You’ve been warned.) I guess kinda sorta spoilers for TLoU 2? Like if you squint? And not really??? Also, I’m so sorry if you or a loved one’s name is Liam. I’m sure you/they are lovely. It’s just a name I chose.

Word count: 7,120 (It got away from me, what can I say?)

Thank you to @fordo-kixed-rex and @grippingbeskar for your endless hours helping me over goodness knows how long since I started this, for reading this over for me and letting me know I’m not crazy, and screaming with me about this man that captured our hearts first in the form of pixels.

Xxx

His eyes were wide, scanning you from head to toe. Was he angry? The tight expression on his face gave nothing away as his eyes made another sweep.

“I-”

“Don’t.”

Your breath caught in your chest at the single word. It was low, pained, and broken.

“Joel-”

“No,” he all but whispered.

You opened your mouth to try one more time, but before you could even hardly take a breath in, he exploded.

“I said no, goddamnit!”

Both of you stared at one another with wide eyes, but for entirely different reasons.

You watched the quiet man who only ever raised his voice in the middle of a fight, usually with infected or raiders, turn that rage against you. Taking a step back, you kept cautious eyes on him, holding your hands up in a gesture of surrender instead of trying to speak again.

He stared back at you in shock. Joel never meant to lose his cool, especially not with you, but this…. This had terrified him. He’d almost lost you. Like he’d almost lost Ellie. Like he had lost Tess. Bill and Frank. Like he had lost…. her.

Clearing his throat, he shifted his weight to one side, looking down at the ground before he turned his back to you, slinging his rifle onto his shoulder. Sniffing his nose in the cold winter air, he reached up to swipe at it with the back of his hand. “We need to get moving,” he said lowly. “The sun will be settin’ soon.”

You didn’t say a word, you just waited where you were planted. When he finally looked over his shoulder at you, staring first at your feet for a long few seconds before eventually darting his eyes up to yours, you nodded before gathering your things, pulling your own rifle across your shoulders.

It didn’t go unnoticed, the wet smudges on the backs of Joel’s gloves as he adjusted his rifle needlessly. The tear marks leaving stains trailed in with the blood from the infected that had nearly gotten the better of the two of you not twenty minutes ago. It was almost poetic how they looked so similar, the remnants of tears and the remnants of death. After all, right now, it felt an awful lot like something close to loss between you two.

After tightening your backpack one last time, you looked back up to meet Joel’s gaze. He was staring at you blatantly, and you raised an eyebrow. “What?” You kept your voice quiet, not wanting to spook whatever tentative peace you’d found. Reaching up to touch your cheek where you knew you had clicker blood drying rapidly, you raised both brows questioningly. “Is there something on my face?”

The soft snort of disbelief he gave felt like a bolt of lightning out of the blue. A charge of something wonderful breaking the tension.

“Come on.” He turned toward the nearest safe house. You could barely hear his next words over the crunch of snow underfoot. “You’re worse than Ellie, I swear.”

Smirking, you closed a bit of the distance between you. “I’ll take that as the compliment it is.”

He groaned, shaking his head as he surveyed the tree line. “I wouldn’t. But…. Do what you want, I guess.” His voice lowered as his face fell down toward the ground. “Lord knows that’s what happened back there.”

You stumbled before stopping. “I’m sorry, what?”

Looking up at the sky, Joel groaned before turning back to face you again. “We can talk about it once we’re in the safe house. You can yell and kick and scream, whatever the hell you wanna do, but only once we’re boarded up for the night.”

Arms coming to cross over your chest, you glared at him. “You mean only once I’m trapped with you in a tinderbox for twelve-ish hours.”

“If that’s how you wanna look at it, that’s fine by me, darlin’.” He turned and began walking again, but you didn’t miss the smirk starting up his face. “Just so long as we get there to look at it.”

Xxx

Stepping into the lodge a few paces behind Joel, you let out a sigh as you let your backpack fall to the floor with a thud.

“Lock the front door, will you?” Joel spoke as he continued away from you, further into the dark room. “I’ll double check the back. Tommy was on patrol last. He may be my brother, but his memory goes about as far as a spark in a snowstorm.”

You wrinkled your brow, pausing in your movement to set your rifle beside the front door. “Come again?”

Joel stopped, turning to face you with a sigh. “He ain’t too bright.” A smirk crawled up his features before he turned back and disappeared into the shadows without a sound.

Shaking your head, you set the rifle the rest of the way down. “I’ll be sure to pass on your sentiments once we’re back in Jackson.” Turning, you secured the front door like he’d asked before making your way over to the log book to sign the two of you in on a coffee table in front of a couch that had seen better days. Lowering to your haunches, you detailed the clicker attack before signing off.

“Do that and I may have to kill ya,” he huffed, coming back into the room with a tight smile.

“You’re joking,” you tried after a minute, hesitant as you watched him settle in for the evening.

He sat on the couch with a groan, his words strained on the sound. “Only one way to find out.”

Pushing on your knees, you got back to your feet and back over to your pack by the front door, shaking your head in amusement. “No thanks. I’m good.”

“You sure?”

With a roll of your eyes, you huffed, leaning against the wall by your bag. “Positive.”

A lopsided smirk turned up his cheek. “Suit yourself.”

Lowering to your haunches to get your sleeping bag out, you glanced up to the large fireplace, seeing a few embers still burning from the last patrol.

Joel followed your gaze. “That should stoke right back up after we add some wood. I’ll take care of it in a minute. Just need a breather after all that…. Nonsense back there.”

You scoffed. “Nonsense?” Setting your bag back on the floor, you stayed lowered down as you stared at him incredulously. “What about me saving your life was ‘nonsense’?”

He pushed off the couch with a grunt, walking toward the fire without another word.

“Joel.” No response. “You said we could talk when we got here.”

“We’ve talked,” he mumbled as he bent over with another grunt, tossing some logs from a pile to the left into the hearth before lowering onto one knee and grabbing a nearby fire poker to better arrange the wood. “Pile’s gettin’ low. We should restock sometime tomorrow….”

“I can’t believe this,” you said under your breath, turning your eyes absently down toward your bag still in your hands.

He sighed heavily, the sound of someone who knows exactly what’s going on, but hell will freeze over before they mention it. ��Can’t believe what?”

You matched him note for note. “Nothing.”

He set the fire poker down with a small clatter on the stone of the fireplace, turning to look at you over his shoulder. “No, we’re talking now. Can’t believe what?”

“You, Joel! I can’t believe you!” You’d barely let him finish before you started in, the words practically spilling out before you could think twice to catch them.

He stood to his feet, mouth open about to say something but you didn’t let him get that far. “I saved your life back there, Joel. Your life. Me. You were about to be clicker food, and I got there just in time.” Pointing to the blood still smattered on your cheek, you took a few steps closer to him. “Do you think this is some weird new fashion trend? Did I read about it in Apocalyptic Daily? No. I- Don’t you fucking laugh.”

His growing smile wavered under your stern finger wagging close to his face, the distance between you dwindling. “I’m no-”

“Joel,” you warned, waiting until his face returned to something neutral. “I saved your fucking life, and instead of saying thank you. Instead of a simple nod and moving on…. You blame me. You yell at me.” Taking a step back, your arms hung limply at your sides. “I learned everything I know from you. I get you don’t like looking in the mirror, but don’t try and put that on me. I’m not your reflection.”

Turning to go back to your sleeping bag, you froze at Joel’s voice at your back. “That’s what scares me.”

You should have turned back to face him, but instead you looked down at your hands as you worried them in front of you absently. The silence that settled between you was heavy, stifling…. The only sound coming from the fire beginning to crackle viciously as it roared to life, consuming the new logs.

“I….” Joel’s voice began with a crack, almost blending in with the roar of the fire before he cleared his throat. “It….” He sighed. “I didn’t mean anything against you,” he finally said lowly, saying each word clearly, practically chewing on them as they came out. “It just- I saw them, then you-”

Finally turning back to him, you let out a huff. “That’s what I don’t get, Joel. You saw them. Clickers have never caused you to-”

“No. Not the clickers.” He wouldn’t meet your eyes. Finally he said softly, “Them.”

You didn’t understand until his eyes pulled back up to yours, a level of pain you’ve never seen before hidden deep underneath.

Everyone has someone they’ve lost. That’s just a fact of the times now. This new world you all lived in showed no mercy to the ones left behind. The survivors were given nothing to stand on but broken hopes and dreams, shattered memories, and fractured hearts.

And from the look in Joel’s eyes, the rest of him was in absolute pieces on the ground. He had no lower to fall. But somehow the thought of you hurt gave him room to go further still, practically dragging him through the mud he was already stuck in.

“Oh.”

It’s all you can say. It’s all you can think to say. And it’s enough, the corner of his mouth ticking up just slightly.

“Thank you, Joel. I…. I’m fine.” He offered you the smallest nod to let you know he heard you. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” he cut in. “I…. I don’t handle my feelin’s well. ‘Least that’s what Ellie tells me. And Tommy. ….You…. Couple other folks‘ve mentioned it once or twice.”

Laughing softly, you went back to your sleeping bag, finally getting to set it up by the fire. “You must be tired, your Texan is slippin’,” you teased. Looking up, you saw him rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, making you smile.

“Uh-oh,” he joked. “Next thing it’ll be the twang.”

Groaning playfully, you said, “Not the twang!”

He nodded, smiling softly. “Then it’s a bunch of ain’ts and y’alls, and probably a few sayings that’ll confuse you more than anything….”

You smirked. “Like a spark in a snowstorm?”

He smiled, a small but genuine thing, setting his sleeping bag near yours. “Nah, that’s just me.”

“I see,” you nodded in understanding, chuckling when he groaned as he lowered down to sit on his sleeping bag, close to the fire. “Get some sleep, Tex. I’ll take first watch.”

He turned to you, eyes alert but lids getting heavier by the minute the longer he sat by the warmth of the flames. “You sure?”

You smiled a genuine smile for the first time tonight. “Positive.”

A lopsided smirk turned up his cheek as he tucked into his sleeping bag with a satisfied sigh. “Suit yourself.”

Xxx

The wind howled outside the lodge, another layer of snow piling on top of all it could touch. Shadows from the flames danced over the room, painting it in crimson hues and hidden secrets just begging you to go explore.

Walking over to a mirror that barely reflected anymore, you wiped the last of the clicker blood off your face before settling back in over near the fire. After eating some jerky and a few pieces of fresh bread you’d traded for back in Jackson, you fed a few more logs to the fire before you sat beside it with your back to the wall. Watching Joel as he slept, you couldn’t help but smile, his snoring the only competition to the raging storm outside.

He began to mutter every now and again in his sleep, words you couldn’t quite make out, not quite gibberish, but still unintelligible all the same. They quickly devolved into moans, sounds of fear and pleading tumbling out of his mouth in rapid succession.

The pain, the anguish, whatever he was seeing behind his eyelids was not a place you’d want to visit. Walking over as quickly as you could, you knelt beside him soundlessly, placing a hand on his shoulder lightly. “Joel?”

No response.

Gripping him a bit tighter, you said his name a little louder. “Joel?”

Nothing. He was beginning to move around in his sleeping bag like he was trying to get away from something in his dream.

Giving his shoulder a gentle shake, you tried again. “Jo-”

His eyes shot open, and suddenly he was above you, your back to the floor with the air knocked out of you, a knife pressed dangerously close to your throat.

You watched as he took deep rapid breaths, but you didn’t dare to move. “You were dreaming, Joel,” a whisper was all you could manage before you cleared your throat softly. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

After another minute, he pulled back away from you, tucking the knife into his boot, and offering you a hand to pull you up.

Taking his hand, you studied him closely once you got to your feet. “Want to talk about it?”

“Nope.” He didn’t even let you get the question all the way out before he answered while dropping your hand so quickly you’d think you’d burned him. His eyes were on the floor as he gave a gentle shake of his head, hands on his hips while he took a few aimless steps in front of the fire.

“Okay,” you drug the word out, brows narrowed. “I’m sorry. Go back to sleep. There’s still a few more hours before we need to change shifts.”

Nodding, he wordlessly got back in his sleeping bag, turning so his back was to you.

Waiting to listen to his snoring once again, you quietly rifled through your backpack, pulling out a book you’d found to read on a recent supply run, and a crossword puzzle book that had been tucked away behind some old magazines at an abandoned gas station.

Smiling down at both of them, nostalgia began to wash over you. The book was some trashy romance thing, not really your style, but these days you couldn’t really be picky. Back before everything you’d had a massive collection of both books to read and puzzle books, not to mention all the pens and pencils your heart desired to fill them out. But they often just were added to your shelf and never touched again, saved for later, when there was more time, until one day all that time caught up with the entire world.

“That reminds me.”

Joel’s soft voice made you whip your head up, startled out of your walk down memory lane. He’d rolled over just enough to face you, his body still angled away from you. Meeting his eyes, a silent apology was exchanged between you before he went on.

“I…. I found a stash of books on a run the other day. Great condition. Couldn’t remember what type you like to read-”

“I’m not picky,” you cut in, making him smile.

“Yes you are, but I know what you mean.” His lips twitched higher under your playful glare. “Anyway, I brought them back. They’re at my house just gatherin’ dust.”

“Don’t you want them? Or Ellie?”

He shook his head, rolling over to fully face you with a soft groan, his sleeping bag crinkling as he did. “She’s already read them cover to cover. Told me they probably weren’t, ah…. My thing.”

“What, are they smutty or something?”

“No,” he grumbled, pulling his sleeping bag tighter around his neck and chin as he snuggled in, almost looking like he was trying to hide. “But a few of them were romance, I guess, and that girl thinks she’s so funny.”

His eyes flew up to you when you couldn’t contain the chuckle that had been bubbling in your chest anymore. Holding your hands up in surrender, you tried to swallow it down. “Sorry. I just…. What is that supposed to even mean?”

Joel grunted, unamused as he remembered Ellie’s words. “I dunno. Somethin’ ‘bout how I’m old as dirt and dirt doesn’t need no love and affection, I don’t know, half the stuff that comes out of her mouth confuses me.”

You were laughing so hard no sound was coming out, your hand clutched to your stomach in an attempt to keep the loud ugly laughs from coming next. Head thrown back, you leaned to the side where you sat on the floor, almost falling all the way over.

“It’s not that funny,” Joel complained, soft laughter betraying his grumbles.

“That girl’s got your number, Joel.”

He smiled fondly, looking at nothing in particular. “And I don’t even mind.”

The sun had begun to come up, trying to warm the world back up after a night of ice. The sky was turning shades of purple and soft oranges, with a light pink starting through the higher windows as the sun began to paint the clouds in vibrant hues.

“Well, since I’m already up, how about we just sit and watch the sunrise,” Joel offered before he yawned. “Give all that snow some time to settle before we try to go outside.”

You nodded, handing him some jerky, and after a moment of consideration, your last piece of bread, before getting up to tend the fire once more.

“It was…. I was relivin’ that night…. Again.”

Joel spoke softly as you kneeled in front of the fire, adding new logs and rearranging them with the poker. He kept doing that, speaking deep, dark thoughts only when your back was turned. Deciding the fire needed a lot more tending than you originally thought, you stayed where you were and listened.

“I don’t know if you know…. You probably don’t, dunno how you would, now that I think about it….” You let him ramble softly as you mindlessly poked the logs with the prodder. “The night,” he cleared his throat, his voice coming back slightly stronger but just as soft. “The night everything broke down was my birthday.”

Beginning to turn and look at him over your shoulder, you froze when you saw him stiffen slightly, turning your attention back to the flames. It’s incredibly hot this close to the source, sweat trickling down your spine, but it’s a small price to pay for the words beginning to flow over you like cool water. Something about them a noticeable weight being lifted from Joel’s shoulders, and that’s entirely worth the heat licking at your front.

“Tommy and I got out, just barely…. We had to take a few detours to get out of town, but we just made it. We had to drive by a…. A family on the side of the road. Sarah wanted to help them, but I didn’t want to chance it. Didn’t know exactly what was goin’ on, but knew I didn’t want it anywhere near my…. Near her.”

“Sarah?” You asked quietly after a moment of silence, turning your head just slightly his way so he knew you were still listening.

“My daughter,” he finally got out, voice breaking slightly. “She, um…. She didn’t make it.”

You hung your head, eyes shut tight. “Joel…. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah. That’s what everyone says,” he grumbled, shifting his weight as he finally looked away from you and out the windows at the brightening sky.

Finally turning to face him fully, setting the fire poker down, you moved to sit a few feet from him. “No, I mean it, Joel. I can’t imagine. I’ve seen friends get infected, but not my own family, that must’ve been-”

“Didn’t get infected,” he said simply, staring out the window, the food you’d given him still in his hands, giving him something to do as he fiddled with it absently.

You cocked your head to the side. “I thought-”

“She died,” he looked at you with wide unfeeling eyes, completely detached as he continued, and it was slightly frightening, making you lean back from him just a bit. “But not from this whole mess,” he gestured around in a circle with one finger. “The military was trying to keep things contained. Detained us on the edge of town. We…. I told him we weren’t sick, but- He got orders saying it didn’t matter, and…. I guess less bodies to get infected means less infected.”

Your eyes were brimming with tears, one falling as you blinked.

“Took the shot, I tried to twist away, take the brunt, but….” His eyes filled with emotion once again, like a dam had burst, his face twisting like it was trying to contain them. “Clipped me good, but Sarah, she….” He stopped and took a shuddering breath, closing his eyes before looking at you. “Sorry, I don’t, uh, I don’t talk about this much.”

“I don’t blame you.”

He looked down at his hands where they held the food tightly, his knuckles going white with the effort, and sighed. Releasing them gingerly, he set it off to the side before turning his focus back on you. “I can count on one hand the amount of times I have, it’s just too-”

“I know,” you cut him off, reaching across your lap and taking his hand in yours. “Thank you for trusting me enough to be among those few.” Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, you smiled softly.

Joel nodded. “Figured if we were gonna be partners, you’d keep seein’ the nightmares, and it’s only fair you know why.”

You smirked. “Even after all that nonsense yesterday, you still wanna be my partner?”

“Don’t push it,” he warned playfully.

Holding your hands up once again in surrender, you leaned back, resting on your palms. “Fine. But I will take those books you mentioned, thank you very much.”

“Fine, fine. When do you want me to drop them by?”

“I’ll come pick them up after we get back on my way home.”

“Your boyfriend ain’t waitin’ on you to get home?”

“Boyfriend?”

“The one from the bar the other day. Threatened my life if you got hurt on patrol.” His voice lowered to something dark but amused. “That was real cute.”

“Oh. Him.” You sat up straight, bringing your hands to your lap and staring at them as you worried the tips of your fingers absently.

Joel huffed in amusement. “Yeah. He got a name?”

Scrunching up your face like you’d eaten something sour, you looked up at Joel through your lashes. “Liam.”

Nodding, Joel mirrored your earlier posture and leaned back on his palms with a soft grunt. “Now I know who to come after if you ever show up cryin’.”

Dropping your hands to the floor with a soft thud, you lifted your gaze to stare at him straight on, your brows flat and unamused. “He isn’t my boyfriend.”

Meanwhile his brows shot up near his hairline. “No?”

Eyes falling back down to your lap again, you began tracing the patterns in the worn wooden boards of the floor, stabbing a large knot by your knee with your finger. “No, it’s…. It was a casual thing.” You shrugged. “We went on one date at the bar and it was just…. Nothin' there.” When Joel didn’t immediately reply, you looked up to find him smirking at you, making you huff.

“He didn’t think so.”

“What?” You deadpanned.

The smirk had turned to a shit eating grin. “Boy’s smitten.”

You rolled your eyes, and hung your head. “Shut up.”

“I don’t blame him.”

Popping your head up, you watched him with narrowed eyes. “Yeah, well, it’s not gonna work.” You got to your feet, walking over toward the large windows that sat high off the ground offering an overlook of the valley below, just beginning to show up in the growing twilight. Arms crossed over your chest, you tried to contain your rapidly beating heart, hoping your partner wouldn’t notice.

Joel was beside you in an instant, catching you off guard. He’d been aloof all night, only speaking when your back was turned it seemed, but now…. Now he was looking at you with a warmth in his eyes that made you feel like you were right next to the fire all over again. The hair on the back of your neck stood on end, and a chill ran down your spine. Looking away from him and back out the window, you tried to ignore the fluttering sensation in your gut as you felt his eyes studying your face from the side.

“And why is that?” Had his voice suddenly gotten lower? Was that possible?

You shrugged. “There’s no…. Spark. He’s a nice guy, it just…. It’s not for me.”

“Ah. A spark in a snowstorm. Gotcha.”

You rolled your eyes at Joel’s smirk.

“Sure.”

Joel reached out, tracing his knuckle down the length of your arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake. When had he gotten so close?

“What about you, Joel?”

“What about me, darlin’?”

He’d called you that a handful of times, but this time felt different. Everything felt different. Since yesterday, since the nonsense, something had shifted between you, and it felt…. Electric. It was like looking at the sun, something you probably shouldn’t do- testing the waters with your patrol partner- but he was making it too damn difficult.

Before you could just keep your distance, shoot the breeze, shit talk like the rest of ‘em, but now…. Now you noticed one too many things you liked about him, and looking at the sun or not, you weren’t inclined to look away.

Then again, you’d known him for a few months now, not well, just enough to know he was a good man. He had secrets like everyone, but that was to be expected in this day and age. Always had people around him, but never quite looked like he wanted to be there. Not like when he was with Tommy or Ellie. So when it came time for you to step up and fill a spot on patrol, and it was up to him to teach you the basics, you kept your distance. If he liked a more solitary life, that was fine. Not your place to force people on him. In fact, that was something you understood intimately.

You’d never asked him about his home situation, his past…. You shut down anyone gossiping around you about him. It wasn’t anyone’s damn business what the new guy was like, what he did yesterday, what he said about- what was this, high school?

So when he’d sidled up to you at the bar the last few weeks to share a shot of the good stuff in silence, maybe a comment or two about the weather, nothing had shocked you more. Okay, one thing had shocked you more. He was voluntarily sitting next to you, while Ellie and Tommy were across the bar.

You’d caught a glimpse of the sun.

And you were willing to get burned.

“No one I need to worry about when I drop by for those books?”

“Like who?”

“Now you’re just bein’ a shit,” you grumbled, ignoring his slight smirk as he continued to lightly trace the length of your arm with his knuckles. “No one special waitin’ for you?”

“Special?”

“Joel Miller, don’t make me get my gun.” He chuckled. “Besides Ellie, are there any other women I need to worry about who just may shoot me for knocking on their man’s door? No girlfriend? Wife?”

He snorted a laugh, gently shaking his head. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but I hoped you knew me better than that.” His eyes flicked up to meet yours, softening when he saw your head tilted in question. “No. No one.”

“Good.” You nodded, laughing softly when he tilted his head in question like you had. “I don’t have to plot any mysterious disappearances….” His head straightened. “I’m kidding, Joel.”

“No, you’re not.”

Looking down your nose at him, the corner of your mouth twitched up. “I guess you’ll never know.”

“Hmmmm….” He hummed distractedly, watching his hand trace up your arm once again slowly. “What I do want to know is more about this Liam….”

You groaned, tossing your head back to look at the ceiling. “Back to this?”

“Does he just not understand how to give you what you want?” His voice was low, barely above a whisper, and crackled like the fire.

The further Joel spoke, the more his accent began to slip again, and it made something lurch in your stomach with each drawl. Yes, from the little bit of Texas, but mostly because you knew that meant he was relaxing again, getting comfortable. That thought made your stomach flip all on its own.

Swallowing roughly, you stared out the window, your own voice sounding like sandpaper. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Stepping closer, the distance between you gone, he sealed his front along your side, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear as he spoke. “Messy. Something that’s all teeth and tongue, hands ‘n need. Somethin’ desperate.” He nipped at your ear quickly before releasing it, making you take in a sharp gasp.

His hands began to slowly circle around your hips as you leaned into him, and you felt a smile turn up his face as he leaned into your hair. “You should be with someone who’s going to take care of you. Make sure you feel good at least once, if not twice,” he angled his lips back to hover over your ear once again. “Maybe more, before even thinkin’ about himself.”

He traced lazy patterns along your hip bones, his fingers dipping dangerously low with each new swirl. “Then again, if you’re with a man who likes to eat, thinkin’ ‘bout himself is in your best interest.” He chuckled over the words.

“What next?” You somehow managed to get out.

He sighed deeply, his chest pressing into you with the effort. “After that a good man, someone you’d be glad to find yourself in that position with, no pun intended, would make sure to…. rise to the occasion-”

“Let me guess. No pun intended?” You smiled, your eyes closed.

“Oh, pun absolutely intended,” he muttered into your neck, smiling against the skin as he maneuvered your back to rest against his chest. “In a perfect world, you’d be with someone who’d make sure your needs were met before their own, and would take their time doin’ it….” One of his hands moved lightly across your collarbone before resting there, holding you firmly to him as he mumbled in your ear once again. “But somethin’ tells me you’d feel so good, even the best men might have some trouble makin’ it that far.”

He’d been talking only when your back was turned all night, and technically now nothing had changed except the proximity. But this was something you could get used to, you thought, as a grin worked its way up your face, his warm breath teasing at your ear giving you a surge of confidence.

“A perfect world, huh?” Your voice was as breathless as you felt. “Too bad that was all shot to hell twenty odd years ago….”

“Who says we can’t try to make our own little slice of heaven?” Joel’s voice rumbled against your skin as he tucked into your neck, his new favorite spot to land. “Jackson exists, right? Can’t something a little more…. Closer to home?” His hands found their way back to your hips.

An airy laugh tumbled out of your lips before you could catch it. “And what about these best men you mentioned? The ones who might still have some trouble?”

His lips turned up against your skin, the scrape of his facial hair something new to add to a growing list of things you liked about this man. “What about ‘em?”

Before you could ask if he’s one of them, you’re startled by a rhythmic knocking on the front door, making you groan and roll your eyes. “Great timing.”

Joel chuckled into your neck as you leaned your weight back into him, his hands coming back up to rest on your waist.

“You guys okay in there?” Tommy’s voice sounded through the front door.

“Just fine, Tommy,” Joel yelled back, making you groan again and turn into his chest, tucking your face into his neck, smiling when you felt his shoulders shake in silent laughter. His arms still around you pulled you tight.

“We came to dig you out. Storm really dropped a lot this time. Should have you out soon.”

“You couldn’t’ve waited a few hours?” Joel groused, just loud enough to be heard by his brother, the smile evident in his tone, and you could feel the upturn of his lips against your hair where he rested.

After a moment of silence that practically radiated attitude, you could feel Tommy’s eye roll. “Well, I guess? I mean, sure. I’ll just leave you here for the next however long until the next patrol is set to come through- that’s what- a week? More?”

“About three days give or take,” you called through the door. “Least that’s what we’ve been doing for clicker sightings the last few times.”

“Clickers?” Tommy breathed, then let out a low, hissed, “Shit.” His voice turned away from the door, followed by a hollow thud of something- you assumed a shovel- thumping against the wooden barrier, forgotten at the mention of infected. “Somebody, take my horse and go back to town! It’s the fastest of all of ‘em. Tell Maria we need to rearrange the patrol schedule. We’ve got clickers over here.” All was silent for a long moment before Tommy’s voice came back angrier, still speaking away from the door. “No volunteers? Fine. You. Pretty boy. What’s your name?”

You groaned when a familiar voice weakly said, “Liam.”

Joel’s grip on your waist tightened, his chest vibrating with a low laugh that only grew louder when you pulled back slightly to look at him and reached up to playfully slap his shoulder.

“What?” He whispered, the sound bouncing over restrained laughter.

“You know what,” you narrowed your eyebrows at him, despite the grin crawling up your face.

Tommy’s voice was a bit further away, but just as loud as he had begun to yell. “I don’t care if they saw clickers yesterday, this is now! You ride, and you ride fast back to Jackson. The town is countin’ on you.”

“Mighty fine man, that Liam.”

You rolled your eyes at Joel's mumbled comment.

Liam said something but was too far away and quiet to be heard. Another voice piped up, female, and something about it made you think of the few times you’d talked to Ellie. A small argument broke out, finally interrupted by Tommy yelling again.

“Enough! Liam, give the reins to Dina. You wanna whine and bitch about maybe possibly seein’ some infected? Meanwhile she’s just loading her gun. That’s all I wanna hear about it.” The pump action of a shotgun was heard. “Ahhhh, music to my ears.”

You snorted a laugh.

“Maybe, if you ask nicely, Dina will let you ride with her and hold your hand if things get too scary.”

Laughter went around the group outside, along with the female voice you took to be Dina muttering a soft but sarcastic, “Come on, princess. I’ll even let you ride in the back.” Which set off a whole new wave of laughter.

Grumbled curses came from Liam as the group continued to chuckle.

“No?” Dina asked in an amused tone. “Suit yourself, then.” The crunch of snow under a horse's feet came close to the door, Dina getting straight to the point once they stopped. “Where did you see the clickers?”

“Took them out by the old creek,” Joel answered, pulling you closer to him. You weren’t sure he even realized he was doing it. “Near the toy store. There were three of ‘em.”

“Any signs of more?”

Joel brought one hand up to massage between his eyes. “Couldn’t stick around to find out, the sun was settin’. Had to get here. Sorry.”

She sighed. “Okay. Thanks!”

“Be careful!” You called to her.

“Aren’t I always?” Her tone was playful as the horse began to back away from the front door.

“No,” Tommy and Joel said in unison.

Dina laughed loudly before encouraging her mount to move faster. The sound of a horse quickly accelerating into a gallop drowned out the last of the laughter from the group as the footfalls rapidly faded into the distance toward Jackson.

“Hey. Pretty boy.” Tommy said after a moment, someone grumbling at him in response.

“Liam,” the voice corrected angrily.

“Yeah, I’m not calling you that,” the younger Miller said offhandedly before continuing on, making you choke on a laugh. “Go sit under that tree and think about what you did.”

“A time out? Really?” Liam’s disbelieving tone was dry, making you scoff slightly, Joel shaking his head as his hand came back to massage the bridge of his nose again.

“You sure know how to pick ‘em,” he mumbled sarcastically.

“Oh yeah? What’s that say about you, Tex?”

Joel pulled his hand away from his face just a few inches, enough to glare down at you with knit eyebrows before raising one skeptically. “Like I said,” he mumbled, his voice a heavy drawl but sincere. “You know how to pick ‘em.”

You heard the rustle of clothing on the other side of the door from Tommy’s direction. “Would you prefer I do it my way?” And you could just picture Tommy showing off his belt lined with weapons under his coat- not that he’d ever use them like he’s suggesting, but if you’re on the wrong end of a Miller, you don’t know that. They’re terrifying sometimes- probably with a smirk. “Didn’t think so. No, I think you’d much prefer my wife’s less invasive methods.” He let out a heavy sigh. “Plus, we need someone to keep watch. Anyone gets hurt while it’s your shift? Well, even my wife don’t take kindly to that. So I’d make sure to stay extra awake if I were you.”

Tommy grumbled something about showing up with a hangover and damn newbies. “The rest of you, start digging.”

“That idiot lets anything happen to the group….” Joel began in a warning tone, muttering next to your ear.

“He’s dull, he’s not dumb, Joel.”

“Thought he had a chance with you, I’d say that’s dumb.”

With a heavy sigh, you tucked back into Joel’s chest. “Of course you would, Joel. Of course you would.”

“Anyway,” Tommy’s voice was back on the other side of the door once again, muffled but back to being pointed at the two of you, followed by the scrape of the shovel handle on the wood as he picked it back up. “Like I said, I’d leave ya here, ya fucker, but I’m really not interested in incurrin’ the wrath of a certain teenaged redhead back in town, so…. No. Sorry, Joel. You gotta come with me.”

“What about me?” You asked, feeling like starting some shit for absolutely no reason.

“What?” Tommy’s confused tone made you chuckle.

“You said Joel’s gotta come but what about me? Does nobody care what happens to poor little ole-”

“I care,” the younger Miller defended through the door. “Hell, you make the best goddamn scrambled eggs I’ve ever had.”

“So you only want me for my food, huh?”

There was a pause. “Joel?”

The man in your arms sighed. “Yeah, Tommy?”

“Sort whatever the hell is going on in there out before I get this door open. Please. I’m beggin’ ya.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Joel called back before the sounds of shovels scraping against the snow and ice sounded. Looking down at you, he mumbled, “I care, too, ya know.”

“Yeah, yeah. You just like having a drinking buddy,” you teased. “You Miller men with your food and drinks….” Shaking your head up at him, Joel grinned.

“Now. Tommy says I’ve got to sort you out….”

Leaning close to his face, you smirked as you patted his chest. “Good fucking luck.”

With a sigh, you went to pull back from Joel, but he quickly cinched his grip around you tighter. “Where do you think you’re goin’?”

Looking up at him with an arched brow, another smirk crawled up your face when you saw nothing but amusement and mischief all over his. “I was gonna go pack.”

“We got time,” he drawled in a low, quiet voice, nuzzling his nose along the shell of your ear and into your hair.

“Let me guess, he ain’t too bright?” You mimicked his statement about Tommy from the night before with an extra affected Texan drawl for good measure, making Joel huff before smiling at you.

“Somethin’ like that,” he agreed, leaning in so his nose brushed against yours.

“I may not be too bright, but my hearing is fucking incredible, so fuck you, Joel!”

The two of you froze when Tommy began to speak, breaking out into snickers once he was done hurling insults, your foreheads resting against one another’s.

Reaching a hand up to card through the hair at the nape of his neck, you spoke lowly so only the two of you could hear. “We’ve got time.” Repeating his words, but this time with new meaning, you both grinned at each other and shared a look in understanding.

It may be the end of the world, but this was just the beginning.

Xxx

Tags: @dilf-din, @lupinpetersclearwaterodairparker, @what-the-heckin-heck, @telarnidaniela

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thatboisus · 2 months

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“english isn’t my first langua—“ say no more.

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nexusnyx · 1 year

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my fellow, my guy

Joel Miller x f!Reader [5.3k] Summary: All his attempts at faking nonchalance about anything are gone out of the window just like that. Four words and Joel's changed. In his bones, the very chemistry of his brain. "'Cause he's my guy." How did he ever manage to not claim you in front of the world? He has no clue, but Joel's changing that. Tonight.

— A/n 📝I wanted to try something different. What if possessive!Reader brought out the possessiveness in Joel? Reblogs and comments make all the difference. — Warnings⚠️ mature content—explicit depictions of sex, so minors dni. | 🏷️ age gap, established relationship, rough sex, possessive!Joel, dirty talking, thigh riding, spanking, soft!Dom!Joel, possessive!Reader, oral (f receiving), penetration, creampie.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤmasterlist | read on ao3

In the middle of what seemed like a sea of infinite, boring nothingness, Joel is hooked by the magnitude of your nature's force — the power in the way you stand; your presence.

His favorite thing ever since he met you. Everything about you.

Since he arrived at Jackson's community with Ellie two years ago, he's been blinded by it.

Your light, heat, glow. Joel might as well be a moth, and it amazed him now that he thought of it, how long he managed to pretend he was anything by mesmerized by your flames. In the middle of the meeting, you utter the words that snap something inside him, and Joel feels his inner workings shifting. Four words and Joel's changed:

"'Cause he's my guy."

All his attempts at faking nonchalance about anything are gone out of the window just like that. In his bones, the very chemistry of his brain — Joel feels a snap, and he sort of... embraces it.

There's silence around the table for only a second.

Nathan had asked: "But why does he get to go if it's that dangerous? I get it when you go by yourself 'cause we know you're different, but I've asked you multiple times, and it's always no. I just — I don't get why he's going."

And you had answered.

Loud and clear.

"Not that you have to get anything, Nathan, since you don't have the ground knowledge to be second-guessing my decisions of any plans, but — it's simple. I'll answer you. 'Cause he's my guy. And I'll take him to wherever I please."

You had paused, lifted both eyebrows in question, and Nathan remained silenced.

Joel freezes at first, too. When you say 'he's my guy' the words shoot like a freezing spell that hits his blood, but even with almost all eyes turning shamelessly to him, Joel can feel his shoulders relaxing further back the more you stare at him. In only a second he sees a lot of words running through your eyes, and all he can think back is a litany of — yes exactly yes—

He leans back on the chair's backrest. Both of his feet slide a few inches further, his legs spreading wider.

He is your guy.

Has been for a while now. A year — almost a year a half, if he was being really accurate. While both of you managed to keep that hidden for the better half of that time, lately the nosy (and delusional) jackasses like Nathan were prodding into your business with jabs here and there. Tauntings about the 'nature' of things between you and him. As if they couldn't see it in both of your eyes. Your postures. The way you walked side by side.

No matter how private you two tried being, you two almost had rings gravitating the bubble created around you, like Saturn in the sky.

Joel knew they frowned upon him. Talked about him on his back — about him and his daughter, about his daughter's personality, and the way Joel Miller seems to 'have only smiles for his Ranger neighbor'.

The silence around the table's broken by his own voice, letting the words slip out of his tongue. "Don't worry, Nathan. 'm not decorative. I've got good aim. If you're worried about her safety, don't be."

What a jackass move. That's what the smile on the corner of your mouth said to him. "See? So helpful. We'll all be fine, and once we're through there and come back, everyone else can be fine too knowing there's nothing to worry about."

With a sigh, you get up before Nathan can finish collecting his patience from the floor, or wipe away the humiliation of being rejected for what is far from the first time since he's unable to accept a refusal without embarrassing himself.

"Are we all clear?"

After a round of verbal agreement from the table — one of which comes through gritted teeth — you nod once, put on a smile, and sigh loudly. "Excellent. You're all free to go."

It was so, so — hot. Enticing, and hypnotizing.

The power you had over people that came not because of something futile, but because of how capable your hands were. Joel was an imbecile if he was being honest with himself.

How did he ever manage to not claim you in front of the world? He has no clue, but Joel's changing that.

Tonight.

He sits back and waits while the room empties out, slowly.

Some people linger back to talk to each other, to him, to you. He answers all of them without ever turning his body away from you, and when there are only a handful of people left, Joel remains seated, with no rush to gather his jacket or things since he's leaving with the person who's closing the whole building.

He's leaving with you.

Tommy, Mercedes, and Max are the last ones hanging around, and while the two latter go exchange a word with you — "good gods, can we do a round table vote to kick fucking Nathan out of here? I know he's a master engineer or whatever, but fuck, man, he's annoying", starts Max — his brother knocks his elbow on his side.

Joel looks up to find the smirk on Tommy's face.

"If you had feathers, you'd be peacocking all over the goddamn room," he whispers for Joel's ears only.

Joel laughs under his breath. "Shut up."

Tommy shakes his head, laughing as well. "Nah, I won't, actually. I happen to like seein' that stupid look on your goddamn face."

"Is that so?" Joel wants to sound a little more sarcastic, but with the huge smile he feels imprinted on his face, it's impossible to do so.

"Damn right it is," Tommy chuckles. "And you know why it's the best seein' that smile puttin' even a glint in your eyes, huh?"

Oh, god, here he goes. "Why?"

"Because this is the best damn I told you so on the planet. Well — one of the best. There's space for more," Tommy pouts, looking up with a musing look. "A couple of really big others." He looks down at Joel again, smiling from ear to ear. "I've gotten really smart in your absence, and I wanna hear the day when you'll admit it."

Joel's amused by the confidence — if Tommy's right about many other things Joel will find out eventually, but this, he owns.

Tommy introducing Joel to you with only a nudge in the right direction was all it took.

"We'll see about those," Joel answers and Tommy huffs good-heartedly in response, an image most familiar to Joel.

Now again, after almost decades without it.

Joel's happy for many reasons, it seems.

He sinks his feet in the feeling, not wanting to track back to things he's unable to change.

Tommy opens his mouth to say something, but Joel catches a cue from across the room:

Keys. Your set of keys when grabbed from the table make a known sound, and it's like an alarm — a triggering sound that connects to routine. He hears them and Tommy turns around, seeing how Max and Mercedes are leaving.

Joel and Tommy move in sync toward you, and everybody — with the exception of Joel and you — bids their goodbyes at the door outside.

As soon as they're out of sight, Joel turns to find your eyes already waiting for his.

He never had this type of relationship before. Never saw in someone's eyes the thoughts running through their mind at that exact moment, and it was exhilarating.

You knew your words had affected them.

The only thing you were probably unaware of was the epiphany that accompanied them — the moment his mind came to a halt.

The inner fight over faking being empty.

It was so silly. Joel was full.

"If I kiss you here, we're not gonna stop," Joel informs you.

A breathless chuckle leaves you, and you take a step, falling gracefully into his hold. "Really?"

Joel loves sultriness in your voice. "Really." He goes back to the words he's been letting your mind soak up. Closes his eyes, leaning his forehead on yours as his arm locks around you. "How could you do that to me, hm?"

His own voice is wrecked. Sounds like something out of a ridiculous sex tape, or one of those Star Wars movies from back in the way.

Seemingly content with what you've done, Joel feels your giggling more than hears it—the huffs of breath on his chin and cheeks tickle. "I wasn't really thinking when I said it? It's just — it was the third time he questioned me choosing you to team up and I know it's stupid to let it get to me, I know Nathan's just — jealous, which is even more ridiculous than anything, but I hate the way he speaks over me sometimes. I hate it! And when I saw... it'd slipped out."

It's the coyness at the end of your ramble that gets him to open his eyes.

"Slipped out," he echoes.

You nod, smiling up at him. A little shy, a little devious. "Yeah."

The worst part is — he believed you. "I believe you." Truth does that. It slips out. It's uncontainable, like sunshine or water or rain.

Then, you're happier, and whenever your smile widened like that, Joel was always taken over by the desire to kiss you. This time, he embraced the hunger with open arms and leaned to capture what he wanted.

None of you discussed the lack of control of doing this only seconds after he just said there was no controlling him, but this was more than a need — or delicious, wet evidence —, it was breathing.

Joel inhales deeply while his tongue tangles with yours, his hands finding their path easily to your hair through your favorite spots and detours on your neck. He kisses them just to breathe.

He went without addiction for so long in this world.

When your throat vibrations with a low moan, Joel knows why.

He'd been weak before. No room in him for addictions if there were no higher parts of him working. No real thinking, feeling, existing.

People turned to things that gave them a thrill because existing demanded too much. A strenuous task with little to no rewards, which made everyone to need an escape.

Thankfully, you were no escape.

And as far as vices went, the taste of you was an infinite, healthy, and powerful source for one.

He pulls back for oxygen, breathing out slowly the warmness you leave in his chest.

"So I'm your guy." Joel needed to hear it again, maybe. He liked how the words sounded on his lips, too.

"You are."

Sweet Jesus.

He needs to get you home before starting this shit. "Fuck," it slips out. You laugh, resting your forehead on his sternum, and Joel nods to you and to himself. "'kay. We need to go. Let's go?"

"Yeah".

"Alright. No distractin' me while I'm drivin', ya hear me?"

Despite having already done everything tonight, you still have the audacity to whine at his request. Joel ought to slap your ass right there in the middle of the street. On the sidewalk outside where both of you work, often.

He takes advantage of the hand on your hair, making a fist with it — as carefully as he can be — and grips just right.

Putting his mouth to your ear, he whispers. "I'll spank ya 'till your ass is red if you whine again before my tongue's buried in your pussy." Joel lives for the way you gasp for him. He presses his whole body flushed with yours, and hears the repressed groan in your throat when you feel it. "I've been half hard since what you said sank in. Calling me yours like that, claiming me for everybody to hear. Had to fuckin' stop myself from thinkin' about fucking you on that table for everyone to see. Don't make me crazier than I already am, I swear to—" his final words end muffled on your lips.

Instead of finishing, he just gets another little taste of you.

One for the road.

For safe keeping.

Joel had such a distance between his mind now and the memories of his young adult years that every time this happened, he felt a little choked up:

nostalgia.

True, genuine nostalgia.

For him, it came in waves.

It smelled of his first trip to the beach, and the taste of gelato sticking sweet on his tongue. Showing him real sweetness for the first time.

That's what driving home to you feels like.

Joel's still not used to your eyes on him. Being looked at with so much hunger scared him at first. Joel thought these days were past him. He imagined luxury, lust, adventure, and the nice, saccharine-type of adrenaline all belonged in his past.

To a Joel that died when Cordyceps wrecked the world.

It turned out that your fingertips on his thigh touched the parts of him that proved his wonderings wrong.

Sure, he had trouble getting hard all by himself if he wanted to jack off on a random weekday, but — put you biting your bottom lip on the passenger seat, and Joel was bulging inside his jeans, stiff as a rock and with no rush to see the end of it.

The silence that blanketed the car comfortably is thrown out of the window when you two enter his room, fully clothed.

You are so good for him.

When Joel kicks his bedroom door closed behind him, you are still. Waiting for it.

Knowing exactly what he needs.

A shiver runs through his whole body, and Joel sits on his armchair to remove his boots. He turns on the soft light on the interrupter behind him, feeling around the wall for it so his eyes can remain on you. When the room's illuminated by yellow, warm light, Joel kicks off his shoes and spreads his legs, making himself comfortable.

"Take off your shoes." He loves this part. "And your pants." Joel's hand comes up to his beard, rubbing the patchy hair. "Then get here," he pats his lap, and watches as you do as he asked.

Slowly. Exactly how he likes it.

Joel keeps smoothing out the hair on his face as he watches you do it. The right word for what awakens inside him every time his eyes land on more and more skin, and more of your body, is adoration.

He'd been attracted to some people since the outbreak happened, it'd be impossible for him not to — Joel pretended for a long while to be devoid of feelings, not being dead.

Attraction and primal, raw desire might belong in the same family, but they lived on almost opposite ends of the spectrum. The first was the beginning of 'Interest' while the second was the furthest point of it.

Joel desired you for things that went far beyond your looks, but gods—

The looks.

He was painfully attracted to you, and he knew it dripped out of him.

When you strip off from all the item he asks for and walks to him, Joel puts his legs together to give you space in his armchair. His arms open up to welcome your body straddling his, then wrap around you, pulling you as close as possible.

As if he wished to trap you.

You wished he would.

For a while, all he does is feel you up.

His hands run over every exposed inch of your skin while his face rubs on your neck and your face, beard leaving the first tingles of what later will be red burns. Meanwhile, your body ignites as if fuel is being added to fire.

The longer Joel touches you, rubs on you, leaves trails of his mouth and his kisses on the skin it passes through, the hotter you burn. It starts as a fire in your brain — Joel started as a single flame somewhere in your mind, one you were unable to pin a finger on and eventually put out, and it grew, and it took over. His heat spreads from a fog around your thoughts to your neck. It descends to your neck, then it warms your chest.

When his tongue and teeth scrape a spot in your jugular, the storm he caused settles in between your legs, causing them to rut against his lap, rocking against the bulge inside his pants.

Joel hums in your neck, pulling back to look at your face. His smile is smug, and you say it you hate it every time you see it. "Stupid cocky smile." The words are ineffective as always — in face of how breathy you sound, the way your hips are moving in circles on top of him, they're empty.

"You love my cocky everything." Stupid cocky bastard.

Your mouth crashes against him, landing in a bruising kiss.

Joel never minded your roughness.

He embraced it however it came, whenever it came. Joel liked it. In all its forms, it was beautiful to him.

It matches the despair inside him. Joel enjoys how he's able to devour you, sometimes whole, because you feast on him as well. You tongue is hot and heavy on his, and your moans awaken the words from the meeting back to him.

Joel kisses even harder.

His hands — one on the nape of your neck and the other grabbing at your back, your boobs, your stomach — both move to your waist and guide your moves to slow it down.

When you pull back to breathe, Joel wants to feel everything.

He takes off your shirt in one swift motion, throwing them off somewhere without care. He removes your top as well, then takes a moment to appreciate the view.

"Take my clothes off, baby." He hates to have you off his lap for even a moment, but for this, it's worth it.

Since the first time he slept with you, Joel chooses to let you undress him if he can. If he's not in a rush to have you, if it's not one of those incredible moments when he already wakes up with you naked and him still only in boxers — if he can, Joel picks this—

Your fingers sometimes are desperate. Buttons are your worst enemy when all you want is him naked for you, but most of the time, you take your time. Do it slowly, taking off each item with the care he never seems to have for your clothes because all Joel cares for is your skin.

"I like taking them off."

"Why?"

"Remember how I asked you that first time to do it?"

"Yeah."

"So — I wanted to do it for so long. I—don't laugh at me, or — look at me weird, but. I thought about it. A lot. Thought about... all these layers you're often using. And — I'm crazy about your body. You—I know you complain about the aches and joke about being old and frail, which is — bullshit. Ridiculous, and everyone knows it. It's just... I like that you let me do it. I like that I get to undress you. It's hot. You're hot."

The memory strikes him again — as it does when he's in this position — and Joel feels a little raw.

Now that he knows how you feel, it makes it more real.

How you peel off his shirt by running your palms across his chest all the way through his back. Undoing the zipper of his pants, you palm the outline of his cock, then get down on both knees to pull them all the way off. Joel helps by lifting his hips a little, and seeing the way your eyes snap to his groin makes him burn.

Joel knows exactly what you'll go for — he watches you remove and throw his jeans to the side, hands running up his calves while you stand on both knees to nibble little bites on his thighs.

He hisses, feeling his dick twitch the closer you get to it. He lets you have your fun, no matter how much it feels like torture.

Your tongue touches the muscle of his inner thigh, sucking a bruise in there, and Joel gasps. "You ain't gonna do what you think you are."

You muffle what he images would be another whine by sucking a bruise on his other thigh. "Please?" You blink your gorgeous eyes, gazing straight at him.

Joel cups your face in one hand, smiling again. He refrains from answering because he likes what comes next.

The kisses that inch closer to his cock. The innocent, and yet siren eyes that stay steady on his while you whisper. "I've been good. Why not?"

"'Cause I have other plans for you."

You perk up. "What d'you want?"

Joel pats his lap. "Get back here."

You do as he says in a second, but instead of straddling both of his thighs, Joel guides you to one of his thighs. It's a tight squeeze in the armchair, but he makes it work. He pulls your panties to the side and pulls you down, feeling the wetness of your cunt at the first movement of your hips.

"That's it," he coos, tangling one hand in your hand to pull you in for a kiss. "Wanna see you get off on my thigh, baby," he kisses your neck, and smiles when you moan at his words and grind harder on him. "Just like that. Gonna use me? Hm?"

"Yeah."

"Gonna use your guy?"

"Joel." Your movements back and forth create a path of slickness in his thigh, and for someone who occasionally needs a little hand from you to get fully hard, he would believe the horniness in his mind that says he's just as young as ever. He feels he's never this hard — this desperate; the wet patch in his boxers only amplifies the louder you moan for him, and with your mouth back on his, Joel can imagine he's a mess.

Not as much as you. Nonetheless — a mess.

With a red, plump mouth, you pull back from his kisses to hold onto his face. Your other hand is gripping the back of his head, and Joel loves the look of pure lust on your face.

The look of someone who's in another dimension of feeling good.

He did that. Joel groans low in his throat when he thinks of it, and assaults your neck with kisses. One hand comes down to slap your ass, and you yelp — the look of surprise that flashes across your features is replaced by one of absolute pleasure within a split second, and Joel growls at witnessing it.

He slaps the other side with his other hand, and you cry for him.

"You're gonna cum like this." He knows you can. Joel's tested several different ways he can bring you to the edge, and this is one of his favorites. "Then, I'm gonna fuck you with my tongue."

"Oh, god." Your cries are accompanied by whimpers at every push of your hips on his thigh, and the slick sounds covering the air are taking away Joel's ability to think of anything other than you.

"Yeah — 'm gonna fuck you so hard, baby, goddamn it."

"Just like — like you want to? On the table?"

"Yes. Fuck—just like that." Joel sees you're teetering on the edge. He recognizes the trembling of your hand fisted in his hand, and the desperate way your hips start moving, almost losing balance. He leans to capture your bottom lip with his teeth, wanting so badly he could eat you. "Cum for me. If I'm yours, then you're mine, right?" Your hips falter at the words, losing their rhythm due to the shiver that runs through you. "That's it. Show me you're my lady. All fuckin' mine. Always so good for me, so fuckin' perfect—god, yeah. Like that — so damn good. Cum, baby. Don't stop. Keep cummin' for me."

Between your first and second orgasm, Joel gets lost in his mind and the moment.

It's rare for that to happen.

For someone who was used to panic rising so fast in his chest that it led to his heart trying to run out of his chest, or at least beat fast enough for it to feel like that, having no other thoughts but the present one and to submerge in what he's feeling.

He had to stop running from it — he feels.

Life never stopped, even if it felt like it did. No broken watch would stop time, and it was you who brought him the realization.

Joel shows his gratitude in one of the few ways he knows to.

One of the few ways he's at least certain he's good at.

By bringing you white bliss, and making you drown in nothing but good, for as long as he can. He carries you to bed and eats you from behind at first. That way Joel can fuck his tongue deeper inside you — he can bend you as far as you'll go and use his tongue until his jaw aches; until it stings and then burns because the reward tastes sweet on his tongue. It washes away all the hurt and gets his humming against your wet and pulsing core.

When he turns you over to do the same thing again but with you on your back, Joel gets lost in the middle of the way.

Your hands make grabby gestures at him.

Legs shaking, your skin covered in sweat, the way you say, "Please get on top of me." It's all too much.

Joel loses his last piece of clothing in one motion, and does something he should know better than to risk.

Grabbing his cock by the base, he drags the head between the lips of your cunt, pulling a moan from both of you. This is where he usually would grab a condom — after teasing you, giving you just the head, making you spread your legs wider or lock your legs behind his ass just to pull him closer.

Not this time. This time, he leans down until his mouth is on your ear and asks. "Can I? I understand if you don't want to—"

"Please. Yes, yes," you interrupt, hooking your legs around him and already pushing his hips closer.

Joel slides deeper, grunting on your neck. "Always so tight," he sounds drunk. "Lemme in, baby... Like that. Breathe deep." Joel's a big man, and the way you slowly relax to take all of him gets to his head every time. "Atta fuckin' girl, jus' like that."

"Joel this feels even better." The whine around the words makes him cry on your shoulder. He knows this is far from being the last time now.

He pulls out and slams it back in. "Fuckin' hell — it does." He thrusts his hips hard, but not fast. He likes to enjoy your sounds.

The filthy ones that fill the room.

If you sense that something shifted in Joel — something in his core, a foundation that he painted a coat of invisible ink over it as if such a thing existed — nothing about you lets that out.

You always held his face in your hands as he buried himself inside you.

The way you look at him — nothing about it is new, either.

Only this time, Joel lets himself feel it all the way through.

He is your guy, after all. He can feel all the good things you bring out in him because you want him to. It matters to you if he's happy or not. If he's safe, and fed, and not in pain. Joel buries himself in you the same way he buried all his hopes long ago — you found it in him, anyway. Years later, somewhere between all the grief and dust, you picked it up and gave it back to him even if he never asked for it.

Joel's usually harsher with you, not because he's trying to be mean, but because you like it when it hurts a little.

"Wanna feel you tomorrow—" are words he's heard a lot coming from you. Today, you say, "You gonna let your cum drip out of me?"

And it fucks with his head. He nods in answer, snapping his hips harder. Joel glues his forehead on yours and nods, grunting with the effort and the delicious drag of your tight cunt squeezing around him.

"'m close, Joel — feels too good."

That's his favorite song. How out of breath you sound, voice higher than ever. "'m gonna cum when you cum. 'm right behind you, baby. 's ok. Take your time. Feels good? Hm? Taking every fuckin' inch of me?"

"Oh god, Joel." Your hips are pushing back on his, and your arms use his shoulders for leverage as you hold onto him.

He laughs, kissing you through gasps and his own sounds. He shares the same air as you, wanting to fuck you so fast and hard that both of your hips will be hurting tomorrow, but he wants this to go on for a long time more than he wants to lose himself in you.

When your begging for "More, please Joel, more—" starts, Joel sits both of you up, pulling you back to his lap. He puts a pillow behind your back, supporting you against the headboard, and sits on his kneels and heels even if tomorrow they'll be aching.

You give him massages when he's hurting.

Joel needs to be as close to you as possible. Like this, your bodies are one.

Like this, you can plant your feet against the bed and fuck him back, as hard and as fast as you want to.

Joel gets a face full of your boobs bouncing up and down and your screams muffling his moans.

He feels it coming — you cling your arm around his shoulder and pull his face to yours again, your mouth hanging open in a perfect O until your eyes close shut.

Joel seems to lose all notion of time as you fall apart on top of him. He feels it all over your body. The orgasm shakes you whole, the trembling only losing for the way your cunt squeezes so hard around him, making it even harder to pull out. He fucks you deep and hard then, and it takes only a few more thrusts before he's moaning in your ear as he fills you up.

Coming down from a high is always difficult.

With you in his arms, it never happens.

Joel plays with his own cum leaking down your thighs, and smiles to himself when you tremble in sensitivity at his minor touches. He'll take a warm cloth and clean you both later, but first, he'll make a mess.

"All mine," he tells you. His fingers graze your clitoris, drenched in the mix of his own release and yours, and something in your eyes tell him you know what he's talking about.

While he may be unable to say some things — and your existence is challenging even that — he can say this much.

He agrees with you.

"All mine," you echo. Your kiss on his lips taste sweeter than before. They taste like I'm yours and you're mine, and for now, that's all he needs.

Joel has you, and you have him. It's all he needs to start.

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