#july fucking worst month bc it suddenly gets cold again

[userparamore]

it’s july i really shouldn’t need to wear my wool socks to bed but i do bc it’s fucking 7c

[beencaughts]

⌚️ ☢️ AND the heart symbol one bc i couldnt copy and paste it ly

⊰ v. princess and the moon ⊱

 [ ☢ ] the car broke down in an unfamiliar part of town, and our muses are lost.

The stinging of Luna’s arms and legs were becoming unbearable. Standing outside in the searing sun was not a part of her plans nor was it to be stuck in a random part of England all day. Luna hadn’t really known what hot was until today. When the hell did England get so hot anyway? Sweat adorned her figure from head to toe. Her long dark tresses stuck to her face and neck intolerably. Her were feet slightly swollen from walking around all day. Luna couldn’t quite comprehend how Prince managed to have the same symptoms as her but he looked a hundred times better. Luna was miserable, but she couldn’t complain (yet at the same time she could) when the most attractive man in whatever town they were in was right next to her even as annoyed as they both were. The sun hung low in the sky, sunset upon them. “Prince, we don’t know where the fuck we are. It’s getting dark. We’ve been walking around all day. I am sweating in places that I have never sweat before. Can we just go back to the car and risk being murdered by some fucking weirdo?” She asked after grabbing his hand to get his attention. The tension between them had been boiling all day with their usual snide comments intensified by the heat. Luna tried to hide her annoyance but her words were charged, and Prince was ready for them with words of his own. Usually, Luna wouldn’t have argued in the middle of the street, but she didn’t know any of these people so anger spilled out of her as they made their way back to his janky car. “I hate you so fucking much,” She mumbled, attempting to open the car door. It had only been opened an inch before it was slammed closed by her wonderful boyfriend. “What the hell is your problem?” Except Luna knew exactly what his problem was. Anytime she said those three words, it sent Prince over the edge. His reaction was almost frightening. Her body was trapped between Prince and the incredibly hot metal of his car. He lowered himself to look her in her eyes to question what she said, but she couldn’t bring herself to challenge him. Instead, she focused on the way his muscles tensed when he was angry. How ridiculously good he looked in his shirt. How ridiculously good he looked this whole day. The sun was down but she could feel herself growing hotter. Enveloped in the heat of the moment, Luna couldn’t stop the words spilling out of her mouth. “Who cares? Fuck me.” The Spaniard didn’t even wait for his response. Her lips were on his in an instant, her nails digging into his back in an attempt to pull him closer to her. Luna didn’t care about how sweaty and gross they both were — she needed him. Maybe the day wasn’t so bad if it ended in hot car sex.

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Iola was so excited when she finally convinced Jason to take her to Scotland. They had spent most of their time in the city she grew up in and loved so much, and she really wanted to experience the same thing with Jason. They were on their way to Glasglow when their car slowed to a stop. Iola cursed under her breath, telling herself that the rental car place was going to get a piece of her mind when they finally reach their destination. The place where they stopped was rather busy — streams of people walking down the sidewalk and cars lining the streets. Iola joined her boyfriend in front of the car and closed the hood so he could focus on her. “We can find someone to fix the car while we enjoy the beautiful scenery of this random city or whatever they’re called here. There’s no reason to waste such a beautiful day stressed,” she smiled before taking Jason’s hand. It was nearly impossible for Jason and Iola to have a bad time when they were together. The couple could be stuck in the worst situation imaginable, and they would somehow find a way to make it bearable. Being stuck in a random town was barely an obstacle for them. There were so many cute shops. The architecture was beautiful. The sights were breathtaking. Iola would’ve been pissed at herself if they didn’t see any of this. She dug her toes in the cool grass at the park as she basked in the sunlight. “Wouldn’t you have been pissed if we sat around moping?” With her shoes in her hand, she spun around to face her boyfriend. She thought Jason looked so handsome while he watched her frolic around the green pasture. He had warned her before that Scotland was nothing but fields but clearly she didn’t mind it. It was a change from fast pace Chicago and LA, and Iola loved it. She plopped down next to Jason, resting her head on his lap. “I can’t believe you wanted to keep this place from me. Totally not cool,” Iola attempted to say in a Scottish accent but failed miserably. 

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Arianna and Zayn had only been dating for a couple of months when they decided they wanted to get away from everyone. There was so much drama going on in the house that they stuck to either one of their rooms anyway, so why not just ditch the show altogether for a little while? They had decided to drive to San Diego since it wasn’t too far from Los Angeles, but their car had stopped mid-drive. The two Brits had no idea where they were. Maybe they were somewhere in Anaheim? Who knew. Arianna couldn’t stop laughing as she and Zayn reminisced about everything. The moment they met, the moment they had sex for the first time, the moment Arianna could actually tolerate being around Zayn after he totally threw her under the bus for the sex thing —everything. They had already called Triple A, so they had nothing else to do. “I remember when I admitted I had a crush on you. I really put my foot in my mouth that day, but I still mean what I said. They’re all idiots for not wanting you. I should thank them, though, so thank you, idiots,” Arianna giggled, pulling her boyfriend in for a kiss. They spent the rest of their day in the car blasting music from their phones and singing along, dancing in their restrictive seats, and laughing about anything that could come to their mind until they were rescued. 

[ ⌚ ] my muse recalls their favorite memory with your muse.

⊰ v. princess and the moon ⊱

The darkness of the night surrounded Luna and Prince, a cool breeze wrapping itself around Luna’s barely dressed figure. It seemed a bit stupid to be sitting outside at the cusp of midnight when her dress barely went past her ass and her jacket was only there for fashion purposes, but nighttime seemed to be the only time of the day Luna and Prince were able to tolerate each other. Maybe it was the illusion of privacy that made them more comfortable around each other like no one else was watching them so they could indulge in their true feelings for one another. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her frame to preserve whatever body heat she had left, but it was no use. Her teeth were chattering loudly which happened to be the only noise filling the silence between them. Prince did make a comment about her going out half dressed but Luna just shook her head. “Less for you to take off,” the brunette pointed out nonchalantly. “Or is the problem that it’s less for other guys to imagine to take off?” She teases with a brow raise, Prince rolls his eyes. “The problem is that you’re fucking cold.” His words cause her to chuckle. The two of them finally reach his car and Prince opens the door for her to Luna’s surprise. Eventually, they’re sat in front of Luna’s flat with the radio filling, yet again, the silence between them, but that left Luna with her thoughts. She and Prince clearly had feelings for each other yet they were going absolutely nowhere. They still hadn’t defined whatever they were and anytime Luna brought it up he got defensive and changed the subject. “Prince,” she spoke softly. “What are we? And I don’t want some bullshit answer. I want to know how you feel about me.” Her words were quiet to match the atmosphere. Luna turned her body to face him, folding her legs underneath her as she waited for his response. And wait is what he made her do. Prince, in typical Prince fashion, ignored her while he finished his cigarette. After about 5 minutes, Luna felt triumphant. Why the hell did she think getting involved with her arch nemesis was remotely a good idea? Maybe he was doing all of this to fuck with her. He didn’t really like her and all of this was apart of some plan to humiliate her. The Spaniard wasn’t much of a crier —the only time being at her mother’s funeral — but as she slumped against her seat, she couldn’t quite help the tears welling up in her eyes because, fuck, she loved him. “Forget it,” she mumbled, turning to get out of the car but he stopped her. Their eyes locked — hers glistening from the tears that had yet to fall. 

“Luna? Luna!” Cass’s voice called out, snapping Luna back to reality. She turned to her best friend with a smile at the sight of her in her bridesmaid dress. “Cass, you look so beautiful, oh my god!” Luna tried to shake her head of the memory that suddenly came back to her to focus on the fact that she was 10 minutes away from getting married, but she couldn’t quite get it out of her head. It was her favorite memory of Prince. Yeah, she had been about to cry, but it was the first time Prince admitted his feelings. Not drunk, not high, not angrily, but looking Luna in her eyes and telling her how he felt. It was one of their most intimate and vulnerable moments. If it had never happened who knows if they would be here today. 

Luna attempted to blink her tears away at his words, but they refused to go away for a much different reason. She was relieved, happy. “Do you really mean that, Prince? Or are you going to take it all back tomorrow and pretend you never said it?” She wasn’t given much of a verbal response. Instead, Prince brought her face to his, reassuring her that he meant everything he said and kissed her. 

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Iola checked out her figure in the mirror again. She didn’t know if this dress was the right one for their anniversary. The blonde had already decided the last nine didn’t make the cut, but she didn’t know if she should make it ten and make them any later for their date than they already were. “Babe, what do you think of this one?” Jason was obviously going to tell her that she looked amazing in anything she put on, so she decided to stick with the dress she had on to get a move on it. This was their fifth anniversary together, and Iola was extremely happy because it meant she was half-way there to marrying the love of her life. His dumb not-marrying-Iola-until-she-was-26 rule was the bane of her existence, but if that was what he wanted then she had no choice than to accept it. They were sat at dinner, laughing and reminiscing about all of their times together. It was amazing to think about the fact Iola had been with the same guy since was 16. Most people assumed that they were both too young to commit to each other, but Iola knew that there was no one else in the world for her than the man sitting in front of her. “My favorite memory of us that’s not when you finally slept with me?” She asked before thinking back to her favorite memory. 

Iola had spent months trying to find the perfect prom dress — practically the whole school year. Prom was a big deal in every American girl’s life, and it had to be perfect. She knew that Jason was going to be her date, so she wanted to wear something that would blow him away. All Iola wanted to do was impress Jason whenever she had the chance, and this was her big moment. She knew he felt weird about going to a high school dance, but the fact that he was still willing to be her date made her happy. She just wanted to return the favor. “How do I look?” Iola asked her mom as she walked out in her dress. Her long blonde tresses were dressed in curls as they cascaded over her shoulders. Iola didn’t have much time to admire herself when she heard the doorbell, suddenly feeling extremely nervous. Her hands were shaky as she exited her bedroom. Iola, he’s your boyfriend. Why are you so nervous? she tried to assure herself, but when her eyes landed her boyfriend she got all the more nervous. He looked dashing in his suit. Iola wondered to herself how she got so lucky. She honestly couldn’t get down those stairs fast enough to Jason. “You look amazing, babe,” she said in awe. They did the typical prom stuff: putting on the corsage and boutonniere, taking pictures, and bidding her family adieu. Her cheeks were a bright red by the time they reached the dance from all of the compliments Jason wouldn’t stop giving her. “You flatter me too much, honey,” Iola giggled as they walked into the venue. The night was going well. Iola and her friends were chatting about graduation and college, taking pictures, and dancing. Her friends were suggestive because they knew Iola was still a virgin, and it was the stereotypical thing to lose your virginity on Prom night. Iola chose to ignore her friends. They were horny teenagers, but Iola was in love. She was willing to wait for Jason if that’s what he wanted to do. There was no rush for her anymore since she was 18 and there was no more changing his mind about it. Now it was all about when it was the right time. “Will the most wonderful guy in the world dance with me to this painfully slow song?” The blonde asked, holding out her manicured hand for him to take. Her green hues were filled with contentment and love as she swayed to the music with Jason. “Thank you for coming with me tonight. I know that it must be weird, so I am really thankful that you’re here. I love you.” She kissed him softly before resting her head on his shoulder, spending the rest of the night having fun with Jason. 

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Arianna had taken a trip by herself to gather her thoughts. She just needed to get away from everything. Ari couldn’t stand sitting in her home anymore. It was a big house but she often felt alone in it. Zayn was home yet he wasn’t really. It was the same for her, so she needed to get away to clear her head. Ari attempted to focus on the book in her hand but her mind couldn’t stop racing. Throwing it to the side, she opted to take a walk on the beach instead. She couldn’t stop thinking about her fiancé and all of the good times they had before their son died. A slight smile tugged at her lips when she thought about the day she had told him she was pregnant. They were both so happy at the thought that they’d be starting their own family especially Arianna. 

Ari’s leg bounced up and down nervously as she waited for Zayn to come home. How was she supposed to tell him? Should she go romantic? Classic? Random? She hadn’t really thought it through since she had only found out a couple days ago. The only person who knew was Serenity. It was actually quite funny because the day she found out, his brother had told her that she was going to find out that she was pregnant then. She chuckled to herself but looked towards the door once she heard the door open. Arianna greeted her fiancé with a kiss, a smile never leaving her face. They started their conversation as usual, but Arianna knew she had to just come out and tell him. “I have a question,” the blonde says nonchalantly. “Are you still opposed to the name Starburst? Because hear me out. Imagine holding a small baby child and it’s having sweet baby dreams. I don’t know about you, but what I’m picturing in my head looks like a Starburst.” Obviously, Zayn was against the name that Arianna always joked about naming her first kid. He told her that they were setting their future kid up for failure and that only made her chuckle. “I don’t think eight months is that far into the future,” she muttered, her eyes gaging for his reaction. It took him a while to catch on to what she was saying but by the time he fully grasped what she was saying, Arianna’s smile reached her eyes. “Yeah, I’m really pregnant!” She was swept into her fiancé’s arms, their laughter flooding their kitchen. Arianna really thought she couldn’t have been happier than in that moment. Was there a better feeling than knowing you were about to start a family with the love of your life? There was going to be a person living and existing and they were a product of their love. 

Arianna couldn’t help the lone tear that strolled down her cheek at the memory. She hoped that one day she and Zayn could go back to being that happy.

⊰ v. what if ⊱

It had been years since Arianna and Ashton decided to rekindle whatever they had in the GYHAB house. Yeah, she had ended up with Zayn, but after getting cheated on three times, Arianna had to end it while they were still on the show. She knew that she deserved better but she knew she wasn’t going to find it there, so she left the show soon after her breakup with Zayn. It was a bit random the way Arianna and Ashton ended up crossing paths again, but she was happy it happened. 

“I’m actually unemployed and hating on MTV. I don’t know why they would invite me to their awards show but here I am,” Arianna joked with the people she managed to keep in contact with from the show. While Arianna was grateful for the opportunities and experiences the show gave her, they did it at the expense of her personal life. Ari had never lower than when the producers turned her relationship with Cody to shit. When she found out that even though Zayn and Arianna had wanted to sleep together, it was ultimately because of a task or consequence or whatever. Hell, Ashton leaving probably had something to do with them too. The thought of her favorite Aussie made her smile sadly because if he had stayed, maybe her love life wouldn’t feel so hopeless. She missed him so much she could still hear his voice in her head. Or Arianna was delusional enough to think that she did because all of her friends turned to greet him and the other 5SOS members. Arianna hadn’t seen him in a year and a half. They were probably two different people than when they liked each other. “Hey,” she greeted softly, the awkwardness in her tone loud and clear. Ashton attempted to lighten the mood between them with some small talk, but Arianna couldn’t help but feel somewhat angry at him. “Sorry that I’m being so awkward. It’s almost like I’m not 100% over you disappearing without a word before we were supposed to go on our first and after we slept together.” He pointed out that she didn’t have much room to talk because she was in between guys at the same time which just made her laugh because he did have a point. This lead to them having an hour-long conversation about everything that happened between them. “I was totally going to go to the after party because you know I’m such a party animal, but if you’re up for it, I’m still willing to go on that date with you.” Arianna was taking a shot in the dark here. They hadn’t been talking that long at all, but Ari had a gut feeling that she couldn’t let Ashton go again. She didn’t know why but she just couldn’t. And she didn’t. Their first date was amazing. The blue-eyed girl hadn’t really been on a first date before but she was happy it was with Ashton. The two of them grabbed some pizza and walked around to see the sights of New York. It was a very romantic city at night. They sat in Central Park, watching over the city. “Shouldn’t you be getting back? I don’t want your band members to think I’ve kidnapped you,” she laughed, meeting his gaze. Call it cheesy, but as they looked at each other it was if there was something pulling Arianna towards Ashton. Their faces were mere centimeters apart “Am I totally crazy for this?” But she wasn’t given an answer. Instead, she was given a kiss.

Arianna smiled at the memory because if MTV hadn’t invited her unemployed and angry ass to their awards ceremony, who knows when Arianna and Ashton would’ve talked again if at all. “Mum, watch me!” the eldest of her twins called out to her. “I’m watching! Go on!” She called back. Their daughter was sitting on Ashton’s lap cheering on her brother and his little league team. She looked over at Ash, taking her hand into his, and thinking about how amazing her life turned out. 

[ ღ ] my muse makes an attempt to cheer your muse up.

⊰ v. princess and the moon ⊱

Luna sat comfortably on the cool marble floor, leaning over acrylic plastic to wipe away the crimson sheathing her boyfriend’s skin. She was unsure of how to react when her string of curses about how stressful school was becoming was cut short as her eyes laid on Prince covered in bruises and blood sitting on her couch. That was what came with being a drug dealer, but Luna never thought she’d see the day where Prince was in this condition. There was no one who could even begin to imagine him like this. The heat from the water he stood in radiated through her skin as she treated his wounds, placing kisses after she was done before moving to the next where she would repeat the process. Luna had started to become damp from the running water, but taking care of Prince trumped her peeve about wearing wet clothes. “Dios mío, novio, you have to be careful. As much as I like taking care of you, I don’t like doing it like this,” she spoke softly, placing a kiss of equal measure to his cheek. “Don’t take too long in here. I have a paper due in five hours, and I’m still not done healing your battle wounds,” she smiled, giving him a playfully threatening look as she retreated to her bedroom. Her mind seemed to be at a million different places, and it was now Luna realized that Prince had priority over all of those things. School, work, even her family — Prince was the most important. Even now, she was willing to get an F on her paper in order to make sure that he was okay. Her laptop sat atop her thighs, three of the five pages being done with an hour and a half to finish when Prince finally emerged from the shower dressed in the sweatpants she had left for him. “I was beginning to think you drowned in there,” Luna joked lightly, sitting her computer aside to grab the first-aid kit instead. “You know, I used to have to do this a lot for my brother,” she muttered as her hands busied themselves in finishing her earlier job. “After he got into that gang stuff, he used to come home all beaten up.” Luna couldn’t bring herself to finish the story, but she was only speaking to fill the silence between them. Maybe her stories about her brother would somehow cheer him or make him feel better. Her hazel eyes locked in with his, giving him a small smile, leaning in so their lips were mere centimeters apart. Her hand made its way to his jaw, her thumb hovering lightly over the mark that rested at the corner of his mouth. “Mire este, this is going to scar, babe.” A smile had overtaken her features and a laugh shook her body, pulling away from Prince. “I tried to pull a you on you, but I just couldn’t take myself seriously.” Luna was really trying her best to get him to at least crack a smile but decided to give up as she leaned in to press a kiss to his bruised temple. She encouraged him to lay in between her legs with his head resting on her chest while she attempted to finish her paper, deciding that if he wanted to tell her what happened today, he’d do it whenever he felt like it (also known as when he thinks Luna stops feeling sorry for him.)

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Maybe Iola had overreacted when Jason had admitted to her that he had slept with someone else when they were broken up but she couldn’t help it. Blame it on the fact that she was a Scorpio and they were notorious for being jealous and possessive assholes. She couldn’t stand the thought of someone having Jason in that way because when they were broken up that’s how she felt. Iola had plenty of opportunities to hook up with other guys at college but every time she thought about Jason. She thought about how she only wanted to share that part of her with him. He was the only one deserving of it. Iola had just gotten back from the hospital, having needed to get stitches because she accidentally broke the ceramic mug in her hand when he dropped the bomb on her. In hindsight, she should’ve known squeezing it to contain her anger was only going to make the situation worse. The faux-blonde knew that Jason wouldn’t be talking to her, but she really wanted to fix things with him. “Jason,” Iola started, however, he just ignored her. She had changed into one of his shirts, the end of it dancing around her thighs. Iola laid down on her stomach on their bed to face Jason even though he was obviously trying to ignore her. “I know you probably don’t want to speak to me — and you don’t have to — but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. When you told me that you slept with someone else, it made me scared. Like maybe you found someone that you loved just as much as me. Maybe someone better. I shouldn’t have projected the way I feel onto you. When we weren’t together, I felt like I didn’t want anyone else because you were the only person. You were and are the only person that loved me for me and not for what I could give to you. I couldn’t let anyone else in like that, but that doesn’t mean you had to or have to feel the same way I did, so I’m sorry.” She got up to get something out of her purse and left it next to him before she headed to the living room. It had been a gift card to some local art store. She thought it would cheer him up a bit because she had done the same thing after their “first date.” Iola had insisted on taking him out to replace everything she accidentally destroyed but he didn’t ask for much. So she decided to secretly get him a gift card to the store and slip it into the sketchbook that he did pick. She had left on a note on the inside telling him that they were even, but if he really wanted to make it up to her then he could text her and take her on a real date. It was quite bold of her, but Iola knew even then that she wanted him. Her note this time consisted of a simple sorry and if he would let her make it up to him by taking him out.

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Arianna was terrible when it came to staying mad at Zayn. He would fuck up but in the end, she was always there to coddle him for the mistakes he made. Zayn had said something during an argument about regretting proposing to her which sent her over the edge. No one had asked him to propose to her. He had done it because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, right? Regardless, Zayn’s words hurt and with everything else going on in their life right now, Arianna had had enough. Louis had mentioned a few days ago that he was going back home to see his family and invited her, and now she was going to take him up on his offer. Zayn, of course, tried to convince her to stay but when she told him no, he got more desperate. He started saying things that made her feel sorry for him, and so now here she was with him wrapped up in her arms. “I love you, Zayn, I’ll be back,” Arianna tried to reassure him. “I just need some space to clear my head. But I’ll come back; I always come back.” She rubbed soothing circles on his back, completely disregarding that Zayn was the one who fucked up in the first place. Arianna figured that she loved Zayn and never wanted to see him upset even if it was from her reaction to his actions. It was a horrible trait that she needed to fix. She placed small kisses to his forehead before letting him go to grab her bags. “Just remember I love you, okay?” Arianna said before giving him one final kiss and walking out of their front door.

⊰ v. what if ⊱

The crackling sound of silence filled the room as Arianna and Ashton simply looked at each other. Arianna didn’t mean for things with him to go as far as they did. What happened between them that day Ari showed up at his door was never meant to happen again, but it did. Ari began having an affair. She thought that they were being low key about it, but when Zayn had spotted a hickey on her, and she was left with no choice except, to tell the truth, all of her fears had become a reality. Ari didn’t know about the future of her marriage which should’ve been her main concern, but hearing about what her husband had gone out and done made it seem less important. Ashton was there for her whenever her relationship became too much to handle, and she felt it was her obligation to take care of him. There were times Ashton would get in his feelings about his affair with Arianna. She knew that it was wrong for her to give Ashton false hope about them ending up together especially now that Zayn knew and she was still coming around, but in her defense, she never said that she would even leave her husband for him. She would only run to him when her marriage turned to shit and sleep with him with the occasional non-sexual encounter. Who would possibly get the wrong idea about that? Arianna knew she was a shitty person, so she tried her best to make him feel better. She had brought by all of his favorite stuff, hoping he would it get him out of his rut. “Look who brought you vegemite?” She said cheerfully, finally breaking the silence. Arianna cuddled into Ashton’s side before throwing on his favorite movie. Nothing Arianna was doing was working but at least she was trying, right? She frowned softly to herself before taking Ashton’s hands to make him look at her. “I know I’m the world’s worst person in the world, but I just want what’s best for you and to see you happy. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I’ll leave if you want me to. I’ll do anything if it’ll make you feel better.”

[theblacksirenx]

Time Can’t Erase The Memories

Who → Laurel Lance

When → July 4th, 2018. ~ 4:30pm.

Where → Laurel’s bedroom

Notes → Another self para from me bc I have no self control and I just need to write. Contains current time stuff and flashbacks in the form of memories. Italicized pars are the flashbacks. Gives you a bit of insight into the real Laurel and her life, rather than the stuff she tells everyone about the Laurel she pretends to be.

Staring up at the photo hanging on the wall across from her bed, Laurel sighed. Nowhere else in the house did she have any pictures. Just the one. The shot of her with Matt and James warmed her heart, and it made her happy being able to look up and see it every day. It was a good memory, a happy one. It was a picture she could look at without feeling any type of anger or sadness.

It was easy for Laurel to say that she just didn’t have any pictures of her life before Amsterdam. But much like her life, and who she claimed to be, it was a lie. She had pictures. She had plenty of them. But hanging them up would never do any good. It could give away the lies she had told, and it would only bring her sadness. Laurel looked back at her life before Amsterdam, hell, even before going to this Earth, and it made her feel awful 

Leaning over from where she sat in bed with her legs crossed, she tugged open the drawer of her night stand. Beneath a few books, she had hidden a small stack of pictures. Some of them were worn and faded, small tears obvious along the edges. Some of them were in better condition, the newer ones that she had from her time on this Earth.

On the top of the stack sat a family picture. It was her, her mother, and her father. Laurel was wearing her pajamas still, but her parents had set up the camera with a timer to surprise her with a stack of waffles with syrup, chocolate chips, whipped cream, and a candle. It was a traditional Lance family thing to do when it was someone’s birthday. She clearly remembered that day. 

“Happy birthday, Dinah!” her parents chanted as they set the plate in front of her at the table.

She leaned forward, blowing the candle out before picking up her fork and knife.

“This.. is the best tradition I think our family has,” she told them, shoving a forkful of waffle into her mouth.

“We’ll go out for dinner later,” her mother said.

“And that’s not all,” her father said. “I’ll be picking up your favorite this afternoon. Yellow cake,” he said. “With chocolate glaze,” he said, as she chimed in along with her father to finish his sentence.

“I can’t wait. You guys are the best.”

It was one of the worst days of her life.

“Where’s daddy?” she asked. “He’s been gone for a long time, it doesn’t usually take him this long to go out for the cake.”

“Dinah, sweetie..” her mother said, wiping wet streaks of eyeliner and mascara off of her cheeks. “Y-your father was in an accident.”

“He.. what do you mean, where is he?” she asked, her voice beginning to shake.

The moment her mother said that her father was dead, it felt like her whole world shattered. She and her father had a bond that was unbreakable. He was her partner in crime, the parent she trusted more, the parent she felt like she could tell anything to even when she had screwed up. And now he was gone.

“N-no, you’re lying to me,” she said, ignoring the tears falling. “He’s not gone, this is some cruel joke. It.. It’s my birthday,” she sobbed.

Her mother’s arms went around her tightly, but she pushed her away. She was thirteen years old, and her father was gone. On her birthday, he had died. She never thought that when she saw him before he left that it would be the last time. 

“His body is at the hospital. Dinah, we need to go,” Mrs. Lance stated, trying to keep herself together for her daughter’s sake.

“I’m not going anywhere!” she snapped, giving her mother a hard shove. “Just leave me alone.” 

She stormed off to her room, slamming the door behind her. The small brunette leaned against the closed door, sliding down it until she was seated on the floor with her knees tucked up to her chest. 

“Happy fucking birthday to me.”

A single tear rolled down Laurel’s cheek, but she was quick to brush it away. Eve since that day, she avoided doing anything for her birthday. It always became a day where she could be alone, and deal with the huge loss. Sometimes it’d become a day of anger, and acting out. But she made sure that she never had birthday cake, never celebrated, and she rarely told people that was her birthday so she could really avoid it all.

Setting the photo down, Laurel looked at the next one in the stack. Her and Oliver. 

“Do you have to go?”

“Have to? No. But I should. My dad and I don’t always see eye to eye but I know that he’s looking forward to the trip,” Oliver stated.

“I’m going to miss you, Ollie,” she told him.

Oliver pressed his lips to her temple, and tugged her closer. She curled up against him, running her fingers gently up and down his bare chest. She didn’t know it was possible to love like that. After losing her dad, she became so mad at the world, but Oliver was there for her. He stood by her, even as she began making some less than good decisions.

“I know. But it’s only a short trip, we’ll be back in a week. Promise.”

She leaned up and kissed him softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Her eyes glued to the photo, she felt a pain in her chest that she knew was heartache. They looked so happy in the shot, standing on the dock right before her boyfriend got on the boat with his father. Laurel was sad that he was leaving, but she had been sure that she’d have him back soon enough so they could continue their lives together. She never expected to be so wrong.

As the news flickered across the television screen, the words she read an heard were unbelievable. There was no way. 

“Starling City native and owner of Queen Consolidated, Robert Queen, and son Oliver Queen found dead after boating accident.”

“No..” she whispered. “No, no no..”

She tightened her blanket around her body, feeling sick to her stomach. She loved him. Oliver Queen was the love of her life, and she was never going to see him again. Much like her father’s death, she never could have seen it coming. Growing up, she knew that the family used the Gambit all the time. She didn’t understand what happened.

“Ollie,” she cried out, listening and watching as the news continued with the story. “No..”

They had plans. He was the only man she had ever envisioned a future with. They were so happy, they had everything figured out and suddenly it was all ripped away from her. She was crying, sure, but inside she felt completely numb. Her Ollie was dead. 

She was only twenty two. But he was dead, and she had now lost the two most important men in her life. There was no getting them back. They were gone. 

Laurel and her mother didn’t have what anyone would call a functional relationship. After her father’s death, it just got worse. Her mother didn’t know how to handle Laurel as she started to act out, causing trouble and becoming more and more angry and aggressive as the months and years passed. So when the news came out about Oliver, Laurel had nobody. She was on her own to grieve the fact that she had nobody.

People wondered why she always found herself involved with bad men. But she desperately wanted to be around that strong male figure and although her choices weren’t always ideal, it was enough for her. The distraction that came from being with them and working with them was also very welcome. She needed that.

As she set that one down, she sighed softly. She didn’t have a memory for that one, because even though it was her face, it wasn’t her. It still made her stomach twist though. It was Quentin, and his Laurel. She knew Quentin carried around the picture of the two of them after his Laurel died. She remembered when she saw it for the first time, but she could entirely remember how the picture ended up in her possession. Seeing it now, she wondered if it would have been better if it had stayed with Sara. Her doppelganger’s sister was a great woman, and Laurel could only imagine the pain of losing both her sister and her father.

When she moved to the next picture in the small stack, she had to take a minute to breathe. She felt like all of the air had been sucked out of her lungs. Laurel wiped her eyes as more tears fell. 

He was gone. Another person she cared for, taken away. She wondered when this cycle would stop. She knew she lived in a shitty world full of shitty people, but she didn’t think that Quentin was going to be the next person in her life that she’d never see alive again. 

“I’m so sorry, daddy,” she whispered.

Looking at the cold, lifeless body in front of her, Laurel didn’t know what else to say. Sara had left more than half an hour ago, but she still remained. She couldn’t seem to pull herself away.

“You didn’t deserve this.”

She pulled a chair over to him and sat down, taking his hand in hers. Her eyes stung with tears as she looked at him, wishing that there was something she could do to change this. 

Quentin’s death was so fresh. He died trying to save her. Diaz had the gun pointed at her, ready to shoot her. But Quentin jumped in front of that bulled for her. He wasn’t supposed to die. The doctors were optimistic, he should have made it through surgery. But he seized on the table and there was no coming back from it. His brain was without oxygen for too long. 

He wasn’t technically her father. He was Laurel and Sara’s father. Her died years before, back on her Earth. But it still ripped her apart inside. He died right before she left for Amsterdam. While he hadn’t been the one who raised her, he looked like the man who did. And sure, they had only known each other a short while, but he looked at her as if she was his Laurel.

Once they got past the initial rockiness of her kidnapping him, him shooting her on Lian Yu, all the other times she did shitty things to him and Team Arrow, he treated her like a daughter. He took her somewhere safe when she was shot by Dinah Drake, he tried time and time again to find redeeming qualities in her that she was pretty sure she didn’t have. He was the reason she finally stood up to Diaz. He was the reason she had begun seeing the light, and how did she repay him? By getting him killed.

At first, referring to him as her dad was just a way for her to ruffle his feathers and get under his skin. But eventually it was because he really was a father to her. She loved him as if he really were her father. He was such a positive force to have around. But now he was gone, and she entirely blamed herself for that.

The stack of pictures had a few more in it, but Laurel couldn’t bring herself to keep looking. Her little trip down memory lane was more than enough to make her wish she had just burned the pictures, or left them back in Star City. 

Deep down, she knew that even if she had destroyed them, or left them behind, she still had the memories engraved into her head whether she liked it or not. Going through that much loss could take a toll on anyone, and losing people she loved was something her mind would never be able to escape. She walked around with the grief of the losses every single day of her life.

Stacking them up neatly, she put the pictures back in her night stand. Her face was wet with tears, and she couldn’t seem to make them stop. She inhaled shakily as she looked up at the picture hanging on the wall. Her heart was so heavy and full of sadness, but looking at the smiling faces she, Matt, and James all wore was nice. That feeling left quickly though. 

So many men in her life, all the good ones, were dead. What if that was a sign?What if now, any man she got close to would end up dead? She didn’t want that. She hoped that she was safe their in Amsterdam, but there were no guarantees. There was no way to know for sure that she wasn’t going to be found by Diaz. There was no way to know whether or not she and the people she had grown close to would be able to live peacefully for very long. Fear was a powerful thing, and Laurel was full of it. 

No matter how much she wished she could breathe in relief, relax, live life to it’s fullest, and forget the pain she endured, she knew it was impossible.

[avghisms]

All of them please!! I'm curious OTL

gee well fine 1. If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? go out with friends or paint maybe lol2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned? i luv this lil black dress my ex gf gave to me!! 3. What hobby would you pick up if time & money weren't an issue? idk something creative tho like candle making 4. What does your perfect room look like? VERY PINK AND VERY CUTE 5. How often do you play sports? I dont!! im too lazy!! 6. What fictional place would you like to visit? Idk 7. What job would you be terrible at? probably customer service which i was terrible at 8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?probably like last week hahaa 9. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for? being cute 10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have? i bite my nails when im anxious but i also hate loud breathing :// 11. What job do you think you'd be really good at? nursing or counselling!! 12. What skill would you like to master? writing or something 13. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? travelling to somewhere really sunny with my friends ❤14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like? kinda petite bungalow with a big porch and on a beach!! 15. What's your favorite drink? black coffee cold water B))) 16. What state or country do you never want to go back to? belfast.... 17. What songs do you have completely memorized? a lot 18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in? n/a life is good enough 19. What do you consider to be your best find?matthew mcdonnell cus hes a saint 20. Are you usually early or late? early! 21. What pets did you have when you were growing up? an evil cat and a hamster 22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with? just their emotions i guess or for a line of reasoning/second opinion 23. What takes up too much of your time? sleeping ahh24. What do you wish you knew more about? people 25. What would be your first question after waking up from being frozen for 100 years? where them gay girls at 26. What are some small things that make your day better? my friends nd my cat :')) 27. Who's your go-to band or artist when you don't know who or what to listen to? hayley kiyoko/mystery skulls28. What's the best way to start the day? black coffee and a cigarette29. What TV shows do you like? not many at all :0 30. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should? anna channel 31. Who has impressed you most with what they've accomplished? my mama and my best friend 32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently? 16 tbh33. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch? noneee ahh 34. What's your ideal way to spend a weekend? going on a trip w my friends to the beach!!! 35. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without? gourmet coffee 36. What is your claim to fame? when i turned 16 i became a lot more open minded and forgiving. with a lot more empathy and willingness to see beauty in everything. positive vibeeeesss. 37. What is something you enjoy doing the old-fashioned way? essays even tho i get wankers cramp 38. What's your favorite book or movie genre? i like rom coms 39. How often do you people-watch? idk what that means but sometimes i see pretty people and im happy 40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about? my lifeee 41. What's the best day of the year? all day every day in july 42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of? occultism 43. How do you relax after a long day of work? napping 44. What's the best book series or TV series you've ever read or watched? jane the virgin 45. Where is the farthest you've ever been from home? france!! 46. What's the most heartwarming thing you've ever seen? forgiveness and reconciliation. compromise. 47. What is the most annoying question people ask you? "who do you have a crush on?" "Will you meet this guy?" 48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation? psychology or biology 49. If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do? create a beautiful eutopiaaaa 50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? reflect 51. Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting? hand gliding 52. What's your dream car? a pink one 53. What's worth spending more on to get the best? makeup 54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don't get? IDK DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS 55. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years? travelling a lot more !! meeting new friends 56. Where is the most interesting place you've been? île de adam 57. What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't gotten around to it? art work 58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week? free coffee 59. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again? Steven universe omg 60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have? hair dresser 61. What amazing thing have you done that no one was around to see? idk... 62. How different was your life 1 year ago? it was extremely different, i was extremely different. it was kinda hellish and im glad im so different now. 63. What quirks do you have? always drinking coffee n being weirdly generous 64. What would you rate 10/10? hayley kiyoko 65. What fad or trend do you think should come back? baggy jeans 66. What is the most interesting piece of art you've seen? me 67. What kind of art do you enjoy most? dark abstract 68. What do you hope never changes? me 69. What city would you most like to live in? bordeaux70. What movie title best describes your life? love, actually 71. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now? i don't work am lazyyy 72. What's the best way a person can spend their time? being kind 73. If you suddenly became a master at woodworking, what would you make? a pipe74. Where is the most relaxing place you've ever been? bed or beach 75. What's the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you? winning the lotto 76. Where would you rather be from? france77. What are some things you've had to unlearn? self-hatred, loathing and accepting abuse. i had to unlearn a lot. 78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months? swedennn w my love 79. What website do you visit most often? www.google.com 80. What one thing do you really want but can't afford? break stuff 81. Where do you usually go when you have free time? the park or someones house lol 82. Where would you spend all your time if you could? a beach 83. What's special about the place you grew up? absolutely nothing 84. What age do you want to live to? 60 85. What are you most likely to become famous for? cult leader 86. What are you absolutely determined to do? to be the best person i can be and to be positive!! 87. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do? understand most things. 88. What do you wish you knew more about? the world. 89. What question would you most like to know the answer to? why did you lie? why did you treat me so horribly and yet retained a complete victim complex? What happened to make you so fucking monstrous? What put you out of your way to humilate me worse than anyones ever done before, all the while pretending you cared? 90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person? why are we here? 91. When was the last time you changed your opinion or belief about something major? recently, everything changes! 92. What's the best compliment you've ever received? too many heck "you have taught me so much" "you have a beautiful soul" "you're angelic to me" (all platonic btw romance is bullshit) 93. As the only human left on earth, what would you do? try to survive. Befriend animals! 94. Who inspires you to be better? my mom and JESUS 95. What do you want your epitaph to be? honest 96. What haven't you grown out of? some grudges 97. In what situation or place would you feel most out of place in? at a dinner table 98. What's the dumbest thing you've done that actually turned out pretty well? trying to make friends 99. If someone wrote a book on an event in your life, what would the book be about? probably transformation 100. What's something you will never do again? trust so openly 101. How do you hope you'll change as a person in the future? i don't. I think im good now. 102. What keeps you up at night? the possibilities!! of life! 103. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had? i deserve better 104. What is the most illegal thing you've ever done? driving w/o license 105. How do you get in the way of your own success? laziness 106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you? im dont generally care about what other people think of meee... 107. What is your biggest regret? Making the wrong decision and losing something that could've been great.. 108. What do you look down on people for?being indirect and bitchy 109. What bridges do you not regret burning?there have been a lot of abusive people who im so glad ive been able to get rid of bc they were like poison. 110. What lie do you tell most often? "i only had like 4 beers" 111. What would be your spirit animal? a cat lol112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older? learning aand experiencing is the best but moving on is the worst 113. What are you most likely very wrong about? politics 114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it? pink 115. What's happened that changed your view on the world? uhh generally being loved and appreciated for who i REALLY am and therefore being able to become a good person with good people surrounding me 116. What is the biggest lesson you've learned? trust no one. 117. What is the most immature thing you do? get rly drunk nd become all rude n dumb 118. What are you famous for among your friends & family? giving advice and support 119. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be? rotting human flesh 120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn't have? always being the bigger person or trying to. 121. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die? a real relationship a baby and a good job! 122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self? trust no one. no one in ur life is gonna keep ur trust except ur mom n Matthew. 123. What's the best thing you got from your parents? love uwu 124. What's the best thing about you? seeing tje beauty in everything 125. What blows your mind? life in itself 126. Have you ever saved someone's life? yes 127. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at? writing ehehe 128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like? like me? long dark brown hair on a short girl wearing a pink hoody n black jeans?? 129. What are 3 interesting facts about you?im left handed, im psychic and im strong owo130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it? the big fucking gash on my right leg 131. What's the title of the current chapter in your life? happiness is....... 132. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life? september 4th 2016 133. What's the hardest lesson you've learned? dont trust him 134. What do people think is weird about you?im always confused 135. What mistake do you keep making? USIMG CUPS AS ASHTRAYS 136. What have you created that you're most proud of? A LOT OF PAINTINGS 137. What do you doubt? that people are truly sorry.138. What are some of your morals? always be honest w those u trust, give everyone a chance, dont judge, forgive with ur heart. 139. What do you want to be remembered for?loving and being loved 140. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?n/a 141. What is your favorite fragrance? jasmine anr roses and ylang ylang aaa142. What do you think your last words will be?noo letsnnot 143. Who or what do you take for granted?my schoool144. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?eat a LOT 145. What is something you're insecure about? IM NOT yay 146. What's the best & worst piece of advice you've received? best: never be ashamed. worst: drink green tea to cure epilepsy 147. What irrational fears do you have? being alone, 148. What makes a good life? love 149. What's the last adventure you went on? idk man 150. What is the most memorable gift you've received? my granpas snuff tin 💖