#just FOUR DISCUSSION POSTS to go and this semester is OVER

[starbuck]

i cannot express how excited i am for a theoretical future in which i am doing LESS THINGS!!!!!!!!

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Baby Fever [Emily x Reader]

Photo Credits Left and Right (@meditando-en-paris) Center (@emily12o1970)

Prompt: The reader asks Emily if she wants to have a baby together. While this is a surprise, Emily has a little question of her own for the reader.

Pairing: [established relationship] Emily x Non-BAU!reader. The Reader uses she/her pronouns 

Category: fluff/comfort

Word Count: 6.8K

Content Warnings: Slight angst, talk of getting pregnant, food and alcohol are mentioned, implied intimacy, discussion of politics. If I missed any, please let me know.  

A/N: Hi all! I’m so sorry it’s been a while since I’ve posted any fics in a while. The end of the semester has been wildly busy. However, I return with an Emily fic for @imagining-in-the-margins March and April writing challenge. I made my own prompt that is, a member of the couple isn’t sure they’ll make a good parent; they are reassured by a friend that they will be perfect. This is a continuation of my Moschino and Muddy Water series. You can find parts one, two, three, and four here (linked) You can read this as a stand-alone as well, you just need to know the reader works for a senator. This story kind of humbled me and challenged me as it took a long time to write and I needed to do lots of edits on it. But that is a good reminder for me. Writing can be hard, but it is worth the result to see you can come what you can come up with. If you enjoy this fic, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! Love Levi - ❤️

List with all stories 

y/n = your name 

y/s/t = your skin tone 

_y/f/s_ = your favorite scent

Emily walked into the living room of her apartment. y/n and she had recently repainted it a neutral beige that Derek had described as “sad sand” at brunch with Penelope, Spencer, JJ, and Will last month. y/n had nearly choked on her drink as he made the remark. It had been y/n’s idea to repaint their space to a more relaxing color. When y/n had suggested it, Emily had said, “Oh, what brought this on lover? Wasn’t it you last week who mentioned the security deposit on this place?” Em liked teasing y/n about these things because y/n was always a little more impulsive about things. Their dynamic remained light despite the hectic nature of their jobs. The ability to relax and joke in their off time kept both y/n and Prentiss sane. However, they were good at reading each other, most of the time. When things felt heavy or the job was pushing them to the edge of a breakdown, the jokes and teasing went out the window. 

Only once had y/n made a joke in poor taste about a case that Emily had not yet fully described, and the tall brunette had snapped. y/n had looked at her girlfriend with shock. Prentiss never spoke to her in this tone nor with the angry expression she had on her face. The silence in the room after Emily's outburst was deafening. Emily instantly felt guilty for how she had reacted. Prentiss cleared her throat and tried to apologize, but y/n said, “Save it. I need a minute.” y/n had moved back to their room and closed the door, and burst into tears. ‘A minute’ turned out to be a long sleepless night for the couple. y/n tossed and turned and wondered if she was overreacting and what she had missed about Emily when she came in with her go-bag. She had seemed fine to y/n as she came in with a smile and normal attitude. Meanwhile on the couch, Emily wondered why she had reacted with such venom. y/n was only trying to lighten the mood, and she hadn’t said how horrible she felt. If she had, Emily knew y/n would hug her and kiss her and make her feel better inside of cracking a joke. Prentiss sat up and looked out the open window onto to the street as a few cars drove by. Emily wondered what brought those driving out so late. Who were they and where they were going? She wondered if they were happy. She slumped back into the couch cushions and missed the warmth of y/n’s snuggled up in front of her and the cool feel of their sheets over them. 

In the morning, both Em and y/n had gotten up at the same time. Prentiss moved into their room which she found unlocked. y/n looked up at her. Em could see that she had been crying and the lack of sleep on y/n’s face. Before Prentiss could say anything, y/n stated, “I’m sorry, Emily. I’m sorry for how I acted. Immature and like a child. You didn’t deserve that.” Emily dropped her head and replied, “I’m sorry too. It was wrong of me to shout at you like that. You were just trying to make me happy.” y/n swallowed and said, “I was, but I must have been missing something. Would you tell me about the case, or what caused you to act like that?” 

Prentiss nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed taking y/n’s hand in hers. “Yes. Let me explain. Thank you for giving me the time and care to listen.” After a long conversation, the pair set up some boundaries about not keeping things inside after cases for Emily and taking time to check in after she got home for y/n. y/n knew Emily had been acting okay, but in reality, she wasn't. y/n noted that if she was in Emily’s shoes, she might want to laugh after work and a case and y/n thought Emily might feel the same way. So after they had talked and kissed and made up, they both felt a bit crusty and decided to take a shower together. 

It felt wonderful as Emily’s strong hands moved down her y/s/t’ed shoulders and back. The soap suds moved down y/n’s back and Prentiss rubbed them over her lush behind and thighs. y/n sighed into the touch. When Emily had finished rinsing y/n off, y/n turned and had Em face the water. y/n placed a dollop of her shampoo that smelled of rose and juniper berry in her palm. Prentiss smiled as y/n’s fingers brushed through her silky dark strands of hair massaging her scalp and then making sure that all of her locks were coated in shampoo before turning Em to rinse off her shoulder-length hair. After a few more minutes the water started running tepid, and y/n and Emily got out and dried off. They spent the rest of the Saturday morning lounging around and getting coffee from the fancy place two blocks over. It felt lovely to be back and not have an argument hanging over them. As y/n opened the door for Prentiss, she thought about how they worked together. They had their moments and arguments like any couple, but all in all, they were steady. It seemed that steady was something new to both of them, and it made them happy and secure in one another. It had made y/n so happy and secure that it had got her thinking about roots, about the future. 

A few weeks later, y/n woke up early and realized that Emily was up. She snapped her laptop shut. The sound had Em turn around and look at y/n with just a hint of concern in her dark eyes. y/n smiled and got out of her seat saying, “Good morning, baby. How did you sleep?” Emily’s face broke into a soft smile and she replied, “I slept well. I love it when you’re the big spoon. It makes me sleep like a baby.” y/n got up and wrapped Em in a hug and whispered in her ear, “Well, I’ll have to do that more often then.” y/n inhaled her smell and tried to hide the blush on her face before pulling back and saying, “Do you want some breakfast and coffee? Or maybe a mimosa. I feel like cooking something if you want.” Prentiss nodded and said, “I think I could go for some blueberry or chocolate chip waffles if you’re down to make them.” y/n nodded and replied, “Of course. What are we feeling for drinks?” Em let out a small laugh and said, “Well, how about I make us lattes and you pop open some prosecco? We’ve still got juice in the fridge too. I’ll get the glasses.” y/n nodded knowing that Emily didn’t like popping corks --  a quirk that y/n thought was so cute. Em turned away to get the fluted glasses for the mimosas and while her back was turned she considered how y/n had been acting the last few days. It was like she was holding some secret. When y/n’s computer was in front of her, y/n always seemed to close it quickly or move it so she couldn’t see the screen. It wasn’t only that. Sometimes she was on the phone and talking quietly to someone she didn’t know. The pit in Emily’s stomach grew. And yet when she looked back at y/n who was humming her new favorite song while pulling eggs out from the middle row of the fridge. 

This was so unlike y/n to hide things from her. When it had first happened, Emily thought that maybe y/n was cheating but that wasn’t something that y/n would do unless she had really misread her girlfriend and their relationship wasn’t going anywhere. This bothered Prentiss because she was planning on asking y/n to marry her in a month on their second anniversary. Even if things weren’t good with them, which y/n’s behavior indicated otherwise, Prentiss was uncomfortable with y/n hiding things from her. Em had a good way of feeling out people, and y/n had seemed more excited to be with her recently, so all of the messages both verbal and nonverbal were throwing her for a loop. Prentiss was going to talk to JJ and Penelope about it on Monday to see if they had any insight into what was going on. At this point, y/n and the rest of the girls on the BAU were thick as blood. Em took a breath and decided to not let her self-doubt ruin their relationship. She had let that happen before, and even though it had turned out to be a good thing, Emily didn’t want to do that here. She loved y/n, and she knew y/n loved her. If y/n needed to tell her something, Emily knew she would, even if it was something difficult to hear. Prentiss fixed her face and took a breath before setting the glasses on the counter for y/n who leaned in and gave her a kiss before she moved to the coffee maker. 

y/n started mixing up the waffle batter. y/n didn’t like keeping things from Emily, but this was such a big subject to even bring up, and she wanted to have all of the facts beforehand. Not so that she could try and argue her point with Emily, but so she was sure it was what she wanted. But the more y/n looked at their options of getting pregnant, the firmer y/n was about her desire to start a family with Em. It was a conversation they had had before. A shared desire to have kids and raise them in a house full of love and tenderness that neither y/n nor Emily had had as children growing up on opposite sides of the globe. So the topic of wanting kids wouldn’t be a shock, just how quickly y/n was bringing it up. And if Emily said she needed more time, y/n would wait, but she couldn’t deny that her baby fever was growing thanks to JJ’s pregnancy and some recent laws passing. The whole idea made y/n’s stomach flutter in both delight and worry. Thankfully y/n was almost ready to tell Em, and again there would be no secrets to hold, just a future to plan, whatever that looked like for them. 

         The following Monday at work, Emily found Penelope in her office with its room full of screens and trinkets. Prentiss smiled at how Garcia’s personality shone through wherever she was. Em found the tech whizz inspirational in that way and many others. Garcia was busy typing something on her laptop and Emily had called her name twice already. Without any other options apart from pulling the plug on one of Penelope's babies, Emily tapped her on the shoulder instead. The genius shot out of her seat and Prentiss was eternally grateful that Gacria wasn’t holding one of her large cups of soda. “My God Emily, are you trying to get me out of my skin?” Penelope retorted when she had caught her breath. Em smiled and said, “It was that, or pull the plug on your computer. I thought you’d appreciate the latter. I did call your name twice.” Garcia let out a shaky laugh and said, “Okay, well lord, I have to stop listening to music so loud when I’m at work. Hotch got mad at me for it once already and somehow he’s always right because I don’t want to be scared like that again. So what brings you to my cave today dear? Need me to cast a love spell on you?” Prentiss laughed and replied, “Well I’m okay on that front. A clarification spell might be more in order. Are you back on the RPG game again?” Garcia blushed and said, “Maybe, maybe not. Anyhow, does the team need my presence?” Em nodded her head no, sat down on the ledge of Penelope's table, and said, “Not right now. I was just wondering if y/n had talked to you recently. She’s been acting kind of strange in the last three weeks and I just wanted to know if she has something planned?” 

Penelope was buzzing in her seat because she had an answer but had promised y/n that she wouldn’t say anything to Emily about it. y/n had discreetly asked around the office if anyone knew someone who had IVF treatments before and would be willing to talk candidly about the process, how much it cost, and the pros and cons of the procedure. The only other person who did know someone who had gone through In Vitro Fertilization was Rossi, but Dave didn’t think that person would want to discuss such an intimate part of their lives with a stranger, even if it was a friend of his. However, Penelope had a good friend named Shayla back from her college days who was now a happy single mom and had moved to the Virginia area last year for a new job with her little boy. y/n had met Shayla once before, and when Garcia brought her up as a possibility, y/n almost begged her to ask Shayla if she was comfortable talking about the long process. When Pen brought it up in their next catch-up call, Shayla happily agreed to share her knowledge. She had done plenty of research before deciding to move forward with having a child on her own, understood the great sacrifice and fears that could come with it, and was happy to give any helpful information she had. Of course, this conversation had prompted Penelope to ask y/n why she was asking and y/n had revealed that she was thinking of asking Emily to have a baby with her. Garcia had freaked out, jumping up and down in excitement. y/n had to stop her from running out of the room and shouting at anyone that her friend was getting pregnant. Once the blonde analyst had settled down, y/n took a breath and said, “Now Penelope. I know you’re excited but I’m just in the research stage which sounds calculated when I put it like that, I haven’t told Emily about this yet and I need to be sure I feel confident before I spring this on her. Could you please please, please not tell her?” Garcia nodded seriously and said, “My lips are sealed. I pinky promise.” y/n let out a sigh of relief. 

But as Garcia was faced with Emily now, it wasn’t as easy as telling y/n her secret was safe. It was threatening to burst out of her seams and she needed to come up with an excuse fast or risk losing a dear friend in y/n. Penelope cleared her throat and said, “Hey, Em. I kinda stayed up all night playing that game and well as you can see I’m running numbers for Stan’s team….” She gave her best pleading eyes that seemed to work on everyone. Prentiss let out a soft laugh and replied, “Alright, What flavor do you want grape, Cola, or orange?” Pen smiled brightly and said, “Orange, please. You are a lifesaver!” Emily patted her on the top of her blond head and said, “Well just hope Hotch or JJ doesn’t call a new case while I’m gone. You should get someone to install controls or something on your system at home to stop you from staying up twenty-four-seven.” Garica scoffed, looked at Emily’s retreating form, and said, “Baby, if anyone could crack into my harddrive, I’d let them.” As Emily moved out of the office and toward the 7-11 to get Penelope’s soda, she felt relieved. Not that she fully believed nothing was happening with y/n, but if the team hadn’t noticed anything, then, it made her feel better. Once Emily was out of sight, Penelope whipped out her phone and texted y/n: “Emily is asking questions, baby girl. I’d start thinking about asking her soon or she might find out what you’re doing.” 

The week moved by quickly with lots of paperwork for Emily and the start of a new campaign cycle for y/n who moaned about it as much as possible without being annoying to Em. It didn’t help that the senator y/n worked with had gotten themselves into another scandal that was rocking their office and party. When y/n was going on a rant about corruption on Friday night Emily hugged her from behind, kissed her temple, and said, “I’m sorry sweetheart. I know it’s annoying, but you're good at your job even if it’s a bad system. But that doesn’t make you bad.” y/n relaxed into Prentiss’s embrace. y/n let out a sigh and said, “I’m sorry for going off. I know it’s annoying.” Emily nuzzled her face into y/n’s neck to relax her further as she whispered, “Don’t apologize y/n. Work can be agonizing sometimes, I know that as much as anyone. If it bothers me I'll tell you. Now, how about we do something fun tomorrow? We could get brunch at that place we like in midtown. You know the place where you asked me out officially?” y/n’s face broke out into a smile and she said, “I’d love that Em. Sorry if I’ve been a little distant right now. I’ve been thinking about some things and I want to share them with you in the morning. It’s nothing bad or anything, but something I just want to discuss with you. You’re everything to me love, and I’m so happy we’re together.” Prentiss’s heart fluttered knowing that y/n was finally going to tell her what was going on. Her words were reassuring, that it ‘wasn't’ bad’ or ‘anything bad about her,’ but even so, her nerves sang inside as they both headed to bed. 

In the morning, y/n woke up slightly early for a Saturday and got into a hot shower. She washed her body in _y/f/s_ed body wash. She then moved to her hair and shampooed and conditioned it. Lastly y/n shaved so her legs were smooth. When she stepped out of the shower, Emily was up. y/n walked into their room in a towel, and Em looked up from the bed, Her brown eyes got wider and she said, “Well, good morning, love?” y/n smiled and said, “Morning sweetheart.” y/n dropped her towel, and lazily crawled on the bed. Emily followed her with her eyes and her tongue slipped out of her mouth and wetted her lower lip subconsciously. y/n grinned and moved over Emily’s body and kissed her gently at first and then with more passion. Em snaked her hands around y/n’s hips. Once y/n’s tongue was slipped into Emily’s mouth, her fingers moved to y/n’s hair and tugged it gently at the root. After y/n and Prentiss were desperate for air, y/n pulled away and moved onto her knees before saying, “Maybe we should get dressed or we’ll miss brunch sweetheart.” Emily whined and said, “Do we have to?” y/n laughed and replied, “I think so. I’m in need of a good mimosa and waffle. Plus, we can get right back to this when we get back if we want.” Emily sat up and brushed her thumb over y/n’s jaw before saying, “Alright love. Give me a few minutes to get ready and we can go. It’s good if we go sooner though because you know how crazy that place gets after 11:00.” y/n nodded in agreement as she moved to the closet to pick out a spring dress and some matching jewelry while Emily used the bathroom and vanity to get ready. Emily chose a pink jumpsuit that fit her curves perfectly and was strapless showing off her lovely shoulders and neck. 

y/n and Emily got to the restaurant before the big rush and were seated outside at a quiet corner table surrounded by a fence and hedge that gave the space a cool and calm feeling away from the bustle inside and the rush of cars outside. A waiter came and got their drink orders and while he was there, Emily and y/n also ordered pain au chocolat. Emily got a glass of white wine and y/n got a pomegranate mimosa, and they both got coffee. The lean man noted what they wanted and moved away. The wait time at this spot was longer giving people time to relax and talk. y/n looked at Emily wondering if she should start the conversation. Emily returned y/n’s smile, her face looking radiant in the glow of the midmorning sun. Prentiss shifted in her seat and said, “You’ve been looking so happy the last few days. Whatever it is you have to tell me I just want to say I’m so happy to see you like this. I wish every day could be like this. That there wasn’t the stress or worry of our jobs looming over us. But you make me feel safe and seen every day, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

Once Emily said the words aloud, the idea in her head sprang so full and bright that she felt like she might be bowled over by a small breeze. The idea had been there for a few months but she hadn’t planned it. Certainly hadn’t even dreamed of it being like this, but it felt so right. When she looked over at y/n who was clearly saying something, Emily thought for a brief moment that she might be looking at the sun, blinding it it’s light and radiance. Prentiss cleared her throat and mind and finally heard y/n repeat, “Are you alright darling? You were in your own world there for a second.” Emily nodded now knowing what she was going to do and said, “Yeah I’m good. I just had an idea. So I suppose I have something to tell you too. But you go first. What was it you were wanting to tell me today that you’ve been so secretive about?” y/n blushed and felt better now that they both were going to say something, though she had no idea what Emily had up her sleeve. y/n replied, “Well why don’t you go first.” Prentiss shot back teasingly, “No you first.” They repeated this one more time before they both blurted out at the same time: 

“I want to have a baby with you.” 

“I want to marry you.” 

When Emily and y/n both registered what the other had said they were stunned into silence. y/n felt her chest tighten with emotions that threatened to bubble over. She composed herself first and asked in awe, “Emily Prentiss, are you proposing to me right now?” Emily took a shallow breath in at what y/n had said about wanting a baby and y/n’s question and, she said, “I am, sweetheart. It just felt right right now. I don’t want to spend another day without you being mine in the most real way possible. Time just goes by so fast and as soon as we know it we’ll both be grey and have bad knees. We’re both gone so often from each other so I’d like you to be mine if you’re willing to be. y/n, will you marry me?” Emily got out of her chair and onto one knee. Again she was glad they were in a quieter part of the restaurant. y/n nodded her head yes and fell to her knees next to Em embracing her in a hug and saying, “Yes, Oh of course I will. I love you so much, I want my whole life with you.” They both stayed there for a moment on the brick floor before Emily raised her head from y/n’s shoulder wiping her own eyes of the salty liquid at her corneas before pulling back and helping y/n to her feet. They hugged properly with a tight embrace that said they would never be apart for longer than they had to be, and even when they were apart, they would still be together. Em pulled back and said, “I’m sorry I don’t have a ring for you, but it just felt right to ask you now. I promise I’ll get you one that’s just perfect.” y/n smiled and said, “I know whatever you pick out will be perfect love.” She leaned in and planted her mouth on Emily’s and they both let go of each other with a feeling of lightness and ecstasy that neither had expected this morning in bed. Just as they both sat down, the waiter returned with their pastries and drinks on a tray. He set all the plates and glasses down and said he’d be back in a bit to see if they needed anything else. 

Once he had gone, y/n and Emily raised their glasses to their engagement and y/n said, “To the best fiance I could ever ask for!” As they clinked glasses Em added, “And to my favorite person in the whole world.” They both took sips of their drinks and what y/n had said resurfaced to the front of Prentiss’s mind after the euphoria of y/n saying yes to her proposal dimmed slightly. Em leaned forward and asked, “y/n you want to have a baby?” y/n flushed and nodded sheepishly. Suddenly talking to Emily about this made her feel nervous. With a steadying breath y/n replied, “Not just a baby Em. I want to have your baby. I’ve been researching reciprocal IVF. Looking up what the procedure is like for both parties, how expensive it is, and where there are clinics nearby that we could visit and consult with. I even went as far as talking to some people who’ve done it before to see how their experience was for them. That’s what I’ve been researching for the last few weeks. And I know this sounds so fast. Like I’m rushing. I don’t mean to pressure you into making a choice now or next week or month or even year. I just want you to know that I’d love to build a life with you. A life that might include children in the future if that’s something you're interested in. I just wanted to have all the facts I could about what that would possibly be like before springing something this big on you” Emily absorbed the information and took a sip of her drink. She said with a smile, “Look at you doing your research. Not that you don’t research, but I think we’re rubbing off on each other. You’re making me more comfortable in making big moves like proposing while I’m making you research a topic as much as possible.” y/n laughed and said, “Well, I guess that makes us pretty compatible, huh.” Emily chuckled and continued to think about what y/n had just said. 

It wasn’t something they had talked about recently, but children was a topic of discussion they had had and it made Emily relieved to know that y/n left that secure in their relationship that it was something she was seriously thinking about. Now that they were engaged, it only made more sense, even though y/n couldn’t have known that coming into today. For a moment Emily pictured y/n cradling their baby, and then a toddler running around their apartment, and the child grown up and going off to school. Prentiss pulled herself from the film playing in her head. As lovely an image as it was, it was a lot to think about. She lifted her eyes up to y/n’s nervous gaze. Prentiss moved her right hand to y/n’s and held it across the table saying, “I think that’s a beautiful idea y/n. It is a lot to think about. I do appreciate that you’re comfortable enough to tell me something that’s really important to you. Would you mind if I give it some time to think through?” y/n squeezed Emily’s palm and replied, “Take all the time you need love. There’s no rush.” Prentiss felt a surge of warmth move through her not associated with the fact that she was sitting in the sun. Having someone as passionate and who understood her so well was the best thing that could have happened to her. Emily did wonder if something had prompted y/n into her desire for children. She’d never been one to have baby fever before now and the shift was interesting to her. 

Emily watched y/n sip her drink and relax in her chair a bit. Prentiss asked, “Sweetheart, what sparked your desire for kids if anything? Or did it just sort of happen?” y/n sighed and said, “It’s been coming for a while I think, but things have made it speed up for me I suppose.” Emily nodded her head as if to say, “Keep going, love.” y/n placed her palms flat on the table and continued, “I guess that so much crazy stuff has been happening in the country recently. I know you know that. We both do as we work in the government, but the upturning of Roe V. Wade and all the crazy abortion bans popping up all over the place. I suppose I just don’t want to be too late. Like one day we both decided it was time and by then we didn’t even have that option. I don’t mean to sound melodramatic or to push you in any way, we have time, it’s just made me prioritize some things in my life that I hadn’t given too much thought to before now. I mean if Alabama can almost stop IVF then I’m afraid of what might come after that. I suppose having a child became more important to me the more things like that happen here.” 

Emily gave a soft smile, she could more fully see where y/n was coming from and it made sense with her personality. Em moved her hand across the table and stroked her cheek gently before saying, “That makes sense darling. I’m going to have to think about it for a while before we do anything, but maybe when we get home, you can tell me a bit more about the process, and the cost. If we commit to something like this we’re going to need to be saving for some time.” y/n chuckled and said, “Take all the time you need darling. We can save money for that and a wedding too.” Emily paused and said, “Do you mind if I don’t tell the team right away about the engagement? I just want to get a ring and have it be a bit more put together because once I tell them, we’re going to be swamped with questions from JJ, Garcia, and Rossi.” y/n snorted and covered her mouth at how accurate Emily was. She could picture that conversation happening and how Garica would pounce on Em and then how she’d get ten calls for Penelope and then some texts and another call from Dave congratulating her. Since y/n had gotten to know the team more, Rossi had become a father figure which made her heart warm. y/n replied, “Yes, of course sweetheart. That will be a day to remember. Almost as exciting as getting to say yes to you Mrs. Prentiss.” 

Shortly after this their waiter came back and got them a second round of drinks and they ordered some plates to share. The weekend flew by as always, and Emily showed up at Quantico with an excited air about her. The team slowly rolled into the bullpen on work days like they normally did. Em and JJ passed through security at the same time, and JJ who was now very pregnant asked Prentiss, “You seem preoccupied today. Is something up?” Emily tried to stay cool and said, “Nope, well apart from the fact that y/n and I had a late night last night.” Em gave JJ a wink and JJ shot her a sly smile replying, “Well that would make you pretty tired I suppose.” Emily laughed and the two women moved up to their floor. Prentiss hadn’t been lying about y/n and her last night. They’d spent a few pleasurable hours both in the shower and the bed solidifying their bond. Telling one truth and omitting two others felt better than a flat-out lie. Emily was a mix of emotions today and it did make her feel and perhaps look different which she was trying to hide. She was incredibly happy about the unofficial engagement but nervous about y/n’s question. It was more than a question, it was a whole new part of their life if they pursued it. Emily spent a good deal of the morning telling Spencer and Penelope that nothing was wrong and that she was fine but tired. Even Aaron gave her a look saying that he knew something was up. But Hotch didn’t always have the time for gossip and he trusted and knew Em enough that if she was having a serious problem, she could come to him anytime night or day. By lunch time, Prentiss felt a little bit more emotionally drained than she had coming into work. She hardly noticed Derek sneak in behind her to use the microwave when her leftover pasta was finished reheating. 

Morgan said over the hum of the microwave, “So you told Spence and Garcia everything is fine and you gave Hotch that look that it’s all cool and they left you alone, but you're one of the most put-together people on the team and something is off. Keeping secrets is a burden and I’d think you’d like at least one person to know what’s playing in your mind on repeat. Listen if we go on a case or something then it might make you slower. Would you please tell me what’s going on? I won’t tell anyone else. You know I’m also good at keeping a secret.” Derek’s appearance startled Emily, and she jumped at his first few words but calmed quickly as she listened more intently to what he was saying. She bit the inside of her lip. The problem was she knew Derek was right and somehow that bothered her. However, Morgan would be as good a person to tell as any. Their bond was strong, but not as interwoven as the rest of the team. And he was good at keeping quiet. Prentiss deflated slightly and decided to be honest with Derek saying, “Okay but this stays between us, please?” Morgan nodded his consent and indicated for Em to continue. Emily thought of the proposal but knew the issue that was bugging her was what she should say. Finally, she stated, with a slow caution, “y/n wants to have a baby with me.” 

That response was far from what Derek had been expecting, and he blinked a few times just to ensure he’d heard correctly. Slowly a smile crept to his face replying, “That’s amazing, Em!” Emily nodded lightly and Derek was confused as to why she wasn’t showing the same joy he was. He cleared his throat lightly and asked, “Do you not want that Emily?” Prentiss let out a long sigh and said what she’d been thinking about since last night: “I do think I want kids in time. And y/n and I have talked about that before now. We talked about it before we became serious.” Derek was confused by her hesitation and asked, “Is y/n like, rushing you into this?” Emily nodded no and replied, “No not at all. She knows me too well for that. She did a bunch of research beforehand and told me there wasn’t any rush. And also that if kids wasn’t something I was interested in she and I could talk about it.” This reply left Derek even more confused and he scratched the back of his head. Finally, Morgan asked, “So, why are you upset exactly?” Em came out with it and said, “What if I’m a bad mom? I can see y/n being the most loving and caring parent in the world, but my track history with my mother just doesn’t indicate that I’m going to be that competent a parent.” 

When Emily got to the point of contention, Derek couldn’t help but chuckle, and Prentiss lightly slapped his board arm and said, “Don’t laugh at me, Morgan.” Derek managed to stop his chuckling and say, “I’m mainly laughing at your wording, Em. I don’t think any parent would say they are ‘competent.’ And if you’re going to question me on that, ask Hotch if he thinks he’s a competent parent with Jack or JJ with her baby. I swear no one has it all figured out.” Emily was still hesitant and Derek continued, “Emily no matter what you decide it’s going to be the right thing. I know you and y/n won’t jump into anything, but if you ask me, I think you’ll make a fantastic parent.” Emily could tell that Morgan was no longer joking and she asked, “Why do you say that?” She was genuinely curious to hear how he would answer. Morgan leaned against the wall and replied, “Well you could just call it intuition, but the other sign to me is how in tune with yourself and y/n you are. You notice things about everyone, especially y/n. If you decide to have a kid together that will be the most loved child ever. You may not have it all figured out, but with how much you care about each other, I know you and y/n will figure out the rest. You’ll be a great Mom Em.” Emily felt her heart warm slightly and the original image of a child running around her and y/n’s apartment, or the park, or a variety of other idyllic scenes came back in a rush. She knew this wasn’t always going to be the reality, but she felt encouraged and replied to Morgan, “Thanks, Derek. I appreciate that. And thanks for letting me ramble.” Derek smiled again and was happy to see Emily happy. He said, “You got it Em. And my lips are sealed.” Emily felt much better the rest of the day having one person know what she was thinking about. It helped so much that after she had talked about it, she found it much easier to work. 

It was a few weeks later as Prentiss had found the right ring for y/n, and she and y/n had talked about breaking that set of news to the team that Emily came up behind y/n who was standing at the kitchen counter. Prentiss hugged y/n gently from behind and said softly in her ear, “y/n, I want to try. I want to try for a baby with you.” y/n froze and then turned around slowly in Emily’s arms and said, “Really?” Emily nodded and replied, “Really baby. I want some time before we go for it, but I want to be with you.” y/n felt her eyes well with tears of happiness. Her life had felt so empty and barren before she met Emily. Now life felt so full. She was getting married to the best woman ever, and they were planning a family. A lot was yet to come in their journey, but for now, everything was perfect. As the tears started rolling, y/n mouthed, “I love you so, so much Emily,” as she leaned in with her tear-stained face and kissed Em with all the love she could give. Emily wrapped her arms around y/n and kissed her back. Yes, time went quickly, but together they would make the most of every minute there was between them and the family they were planning.

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[fedorah-the-explorah]

im getting you started.

Bro, the timeline in Carmen Sandiego is super finicky, and I'm pretty sure I've spent more time thinking about this than the creators intended us to, but WHATEVER. It haunts me.

Right, so the creators said Carmen is 20 at the start of the series, but as I said: that math don't math!

Season one takes place over the course of six months:

Season 2 picks up one week after season 1, in February. We know this because they're celebrating Carnival.

For the purpose of breaking down this theory, I'm going to place Carmen's birthday as March 1st, her WOEICs counterpart's official birthday.

So. At the end of season one, which would have been mid-February, Player says something about how Carmen was found on the side of the road twenty years ago, but if her birthday was in a mere matter of weeks, couldn't you theorize that he was rounding up? Maybe she's 19 turning 20.

Or, maybe, she's 20 turning 21? No!

At the end of season 2, Shadowsan says he found her twenty years ago. This is where we take a detour to discuss infant development.

In the flashbacks, we see that baby Carmen prefers crawling-- she can toddle a little bit, but not well. Children typically begin standing between 7 and 12 months, and walking between 10 and 18 months. We also see that she babbles and coos a lot, but no words. Children tend to say their first word at around 12 months. Based on this, I'd wager that baby Carmen was around seven or eight months old. We know she's a physical prodigy, so she could potentially be even younger-- the youngest recorded baby to walk was six months old.

Placing baby at 7 months when she was kidnapped, that makes Shadowsan's "I found you twenty years ago" accurate to the month. At this point, Carmen is 20 years and 7 months old.

Season three takes place in October/November. Presumably, season three picks up right after season two, putting the end of season two in October. It spans about the same length as season one.

While the word of the creators doesn't have much bearing here-- as this post is very much a "you guys are wrong and here's why" kind of post-- one of the creators did say that they imagined Carmen as being twenty by season three. That would make it impossible for her to have been twenty during season one. Too much time has passed for that to work.

Season 4 takes place sometime around February. We know this because Devineaux asks Gray what he was doing on the train to Poitiers 18 months ago. 12 months ago would have been February (start of season 2) and six months before that is August. That's eighteen months.

Going by this, I think Carmen was yoinked just after her twenty-first.

Interestingly, if my math is mathing-- and who knows, I turned a two year degree into a three year degree because I kept failing math classes, I could be talking actual nonsense right now-- this makes Player like 17/18 by season four, and that's hilarious to me because that means his parents (tried) to make him go to school for like the last semester of his senior year. Free my boy 😭

In conclusion, Carmen is 19 at the start of season one, she and Player are three years apart, and Player's parents are some cruel mfers. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[queenshelby]

Yes! Mr Murphy (Part Three)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Smut, Age Gap, Past Abuse, Child in Foster Care, Angst, Depression 

Words: 4,899

Notes: This is a series which is not based on Cillian’s actual life!

Summary: Imagine having a one night stand you can’t forget. Then imagine seeing him again where you would least expect it.

A week had passed and you had settled back into drama school without any problem whatsoever which, to you and your best friend Nadine was a surprise. You had to Nadine about your encounter on campus, you had told her about who he was and you had told her exactly how you felt about this man being your lecturer now. But Nadine was the voice of reason. Like always, she supported you, retained your secrets and reminded you that it would just be for four months and then he would move on and so would you. The semester would be over by the end of October and you would probably not see him again.

Just like you however Nadine was surprised by the fact that your new lecturer was a rather famous actor himself. She should have known him but, then again, even if George Clooney was to walk straight past her, she would probably not notice. Movies and acting did not interest her and this is why you were such a good match. You liked different things but were open to discuss each other’s needs and wants because you went through the very same hardship when you were young.

Both of you went through the so called “foster system” in the UK, moving from one family home to another and the last of them was the worst for you. Your so called parents were strict and any time you didn’t obey or came home with bad grades or were caught doing something which you were not supposed to do, you were punished for it. Food was withheld from you and, on occasion, you were even beaten to the point where your skin turned blue. But it was not your foster father who punished you. No, he was a good man. But your mother was not. She was vile and abusive and, thus, when you turned eighteen, you moved out into a home designed for women like you. It was a home for women who went through abuse and pain and an inquest had since been conducted into your living situation after you had filed reports with the authorities against your foster parents.

This inquest itself however was difficult for you to go through and Nadine went through exactly the same. She, too, went through the system and lived at the facility with you which provided excellent care for anyone who needed it but, on occasion, you felt somewhat worthless and ashamed about living there still. You had a job now, but your income was nowhere near enough to cover your living expenses, so your options were limited. On occasion, you would indulge on a night out of course, but mostly, you were saving all your money for a deposit bond so that you could finally move out of this place and make space for someone else who needed the help. Nadine was trying to do the same and with 500 pounds short, you eventually began looking for apartments together. Yet, no one wanted you or Nadine as tenants, at least not without any guarantees and a guarantee was not something you could provide. You had no parents who would be willing to act as guarantors and you were still young, making you a risky choice for prospective landlords.

Just like you, Nadine had received some funding to attend university but, unlike your funding, her funding was not conditional upon anything. Your funding, on the other hand, came with several requirements, one of which was that you had to commit two years of your post graduate career to a certain ballet and dance company in London.

You were an excellent dancer and had two jobs, one of which was performing on stage for this very same ballet and dance company. You were not good enough to be the lead just yet though, but this is why you went to drama school. It was the job you loved the most and if it was not for your lack of acting skills, you knew that you would have excelled already in the world of ballet and musicals.

But that job, unfortunately, did not pay well enough yet either so, every evening following drama school, and every Saturday morning as well, you taught young children how to dance through a dance school on campus, called the Stafford School of Dance. You taught them ballet and modern dance and loved spending time with the youngsters, some of which were on a scholarship as well. Others were private students and most kids you taught were willing and eager to learn.

***

Reflecting on your life was something you did on occasion but reflecting on life was also something you were required to do as part of your first essay in PRAC300.

Why this was relevant to your acting skills you did not know, but according to the curriculum it was and when you spoke to Cillian about it, he explained to you that reflecting on your own life will also assist you in dealing with emotions of others. It will help you to put yourself into the shoes of your characters without which you cannot put on a convincing act.

You can pretend to be sad, but no one will believe you unless you can comprehend how the character would feel in any given situation. The character you portray may be sad for a reason and if you reflect on your own life as well, including moments of happiness, sadness, love and pain, then often you can draw parallels to some of your characters feelings and the reasoning behind their emotions.

Thus, according to Cillian, if you are unable to feel and draw from your own emotional state and accept how you feel at times, you will not be able to draw upon the emotions of your characters either which, to you, made perfect sense. You had to allow yourself to show emotion if emotion was something you needed to portray.

Yet, even though all he said made sense to you and you knew that whatever you would write down in your essay was confidential, you did not want to pour your heart out to this man. Not after what happened between you. You had slept with him and did not want him to know about your troubled past so, in the end, you submitted something which you knew would probably fail you. It was a one-page document, dot pointed and brief and, as little as an hour after your submission through the university’s online portal, he sent you a message.

“Can we talk about your submission please” was all it said and you knew that he would pull you aside for it next week. There was no doubt about it, so you took the courage to respond.

“Yes. Sure. I will see you at your office on Monday. What time works for you?” was your response and, within minutes, you locked in a time.

But, the truth was, that you had no idea about what you were going to tell him. What was it that he needed to hear, you wondered? The truth?

The truth was that you were supposed to be a good girl. This was at least what you wanted to portray when you were around him.

But good girls do not hang around by the dumpsters smoking cigarettes. Good girls do not take sleeping pills to sleep. Good girls do not fail classes in their senior year of high school. And good girls certainly do not sleep with strangers.

So clearly, he knew that you were not the good girl you wanted to be and, thus, when Monday came around, you were sitting in Cillian’s class awkwardly like a pathetic loser, raising your hand, answering questions, to make up the credits that you would need after submitting this terrible paper to him.

Luckily for you, however, he never called you out that day. He left you be, sitting quietly at the back of the class room and then, without giving it any thought whatsoever, you were the first one out the door, wanting to avoid him at all cost.

“Will I see you at noon?” Cillian reminded you in passing as the students behind you were all hanging back, chatting and joking with the others. Lorraine, in particular, attempted to put on act of her own, flirting with Cillian and it amused you slightly as her efforts were clearly futile and he showed no interest in her.

“Yes, I will see you at noon” you confirmed and, realising that noon was less than fifteen minutes away, you then made your way to the ladies room.

***

The lady’s lavatory followed a dull theme of light green. It was dated and made you feel a little nauseous.

You were nervous about meeting with Cillian about your essay and thus splashed some cold water on to your face before taking deep breaths. Then, when you looked into the mirror you saw the ghost of a girl who had died a long time ago.

Your face was gaunt and all your features were sunken in. Your eyes, once your best feature, were the only things that seemed to stand out now, as if you were just that, all vacant and lifeless. There was nothing else to look at. You were already disappearing and realised that you were all bones and baggage now, made up of shadows and secrets and nothing, nothing at all.

Then, you recalled what your dance coach had said to you just recently, telling you that you were one of the best dancers in class, but you lacked emotion. You lacked expression and you certainly lacked happiness. It was obvious to him, which is why he suggested an acting class. But perhaps acting skills were not what you needed. Perhaps you simply needed some happiness in your life, but felt as though you were not entitled to it.

Then you remembered though, that, just a few weeks ago, you did feel alive and happy for one night only and this was the night you had shared with Cillian.

It was strange, exciting and sensual and certainly felt different to when you were with James who did not help the way you felt within your own body. Sure, you were attractive, but that was it. There was nothing special about you and James was just like another bad habit you had accumulated over the years. Just like cigarettes, you kept him around and went back to him simply for the fact that he provided something to you which you were familiar with.

But he did not excite you. Life did not excite you and, thus, you wanted to break every mirror in the bathroom. Every time you saw yourself you saw the sad little girl you used to be and still were, caught in this viscous cycle of negative thoughts. You were afraid to take risks because it had been enshrined in to you throughout foster care that taking risks was wrong. You lacked family and love and often wondered whether your life would change one day.

Then, eventually, you locked yourself into a stall to get away from your reflection. You knew that you were nearing another mental breakdown any minute now and began to scream, quietly, but loud enough for others to hear.

It was quarter past twelve now and you had been there, inside the lavatory stall, for fifteen minutes. You put your head in your hands, your fingernails digging into your face, wanting to scream but not having the nerve to do it.

Traumatising thoughts about your past visited you just like bad dreams did at night. You were losing your mind or maybe you have lost it already.

Some time passed, but you could not tell how much. You just let yourself slip away from reality for a bit but then, suddenly, the sound of the restroom door swishing open made you jump, startling you out of your mad, mad thoughts. A familiar pair of brown leather shoes came to stop outside of your stall.

"Y/N? Are you alright?" were the words you heard next and, suddenly, time slowed. Your skin burned and your voice was shaky when you spoke.

"Please go. You are not meant to be in here" you said although you were not even sure if you really wanted him to, but you said it anyways.

"But I am in here, because, according to James, you’ve been inside the lavatory for over half an hour. So please come out before I tare the door open and embarrass myself in front of the entire school” Cillian chuckled, but with great concern in his voice. He knew that you were simply hiding in there and he was clearly worried about you and your wellbeing.

“Fuck. Seriously?” you stammered as you got up slowly and opened the stall door.

“Yes! Seriously Y/N! Clearly, you are avoiding me and I thought that we talked about everything that we needed to talk about. But, clearly, I was wrong as, first, you submit this ridiculous paper to me and now you are hiding from me…’ Cillian then said quietly as he was facing away from you in what you presumed to be an effort to give you some privacy, but his eyes then met yours when you looked in the reflection of the mirror.

You saw yourself too, standing in front of him with tears in your eyes.

“Y/N, fuck, are you okay? Did something happen? Should I call the student counsellor?” Cillian then asked anxiously when he noticed your tears and you tried to hold his gaze, but his eyes were too intense so you looked down at the tiled floor.

"God no, please. I just had a moment. I am okay” you stammered quickly but Cillian looked sceptical.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he then asked politely but you shook your head.

“I think I embarrassed myself enough already” you then told him but his eyebrows furrowed quickly.

“You are afraid of your own emotions and I get that. Most people are. But you know what I have learned throughout many years of acting?” Cillian said quietly again but, this time, with a warm and gentle smile.

“What?” you asked, wondering where he was going with this.

“That accepting and dealing with your emotions is an integral part of life. Unless you do that, you are not going to be happy and you most certainly will struggle with the line of work you chose” Cillian then explained and you were glad for his words and the way he spoke them, in a gentle and caring way.

“Can I redo my paper?” you thus asked, seeing that he had just given you a hint.

“I was hoping that you would and I want you to know that I will not judge you or think any less of you for what you write, even in light of what happened between us a few weeks ago” Cillian reassured you and, after you gave him a quick nod and wiped away your tears, he walked towards the door of the lavatory and held it open for you.

“Can you redo the paper by Wednesday? I need to pass it on to the unit co-ordinator after marking it” Cillian then said with a slight chuckle and unbothered by the fact that he just came walking out of the ladies’ bathroom with you.

“I can. And I am sorry for my slobby work” you then said and Cillian smiled. God, he was so beautiful and you stared shamelessly at him. He should not have become a lecturer at school full of young female students. Temptation was going to come knocking at his door, hordes of twenty something year olds begging to be noticed, to be loved, to be fucked. It was insanity and, just like Lorraine and some others, you wanted him and that was another form of madness.

***

Eventually, Wednesday came about and, when it did, your first stop was at Cillian’s office. You had promised him to hand in your revised paper by nine and so you did.

This time, your effort was six pages long and included a large spiel about the foster care system in the UK and how it shaped you from an emotional point of view.

It also included an array of emotions you believed many others like you felt when dealing with every-day life and you drew an analysis to several famous playwrights in this regard.

It was a paper to which you had prepared with great care and thought and, in the end, the references to pieces of literature within your writing impressed Cillian so much so that, on Thursday evening, he sent you a message on the online portal.

“I am impressed. This was certainly worth the wait” he said with an emoji on the end and his message certainly made you laugh.  

“I am glad, because it wasn’t easy to write knowing that you would be the one reading it” you responded quickly after you saw Cillian’s message pop up on a notification on your phone at around 10 o’clock that night and, the fact that he wrote to you that late made you wondered whether he was thinking about you.

Clearly, he had read the paper on Wednesday morning already before marking it up and sending it to the unit co-ordinator, so why did he only message you now? There must have been a reason for it, right?

***

Unbeknownst to you, there was most certainly a reason behind this message. Cillian had, indeed, been thinking about you and the truth was that he was taken by what you wrote in your essay.

He saw the care you took in writing down your every thought and very own emotions and, whilst he could sense that you were hurt by the system, he did not consider you to be weak. To the contrary, he considered you to be much stronger than you even thought yourself you were. You took matters into your hands after the system had failed you for which Cillian was impressed by your courage and soon realised why it was you who had been chosen for the school’s scholarship.

You were determined and, whilst you struggled to come to terms with your feelings about what happened to you, you were emotionally intelligent. You knew what you needed and you knew about the bad influences in your life. You just had to act upon your desires, follow your goals and leave your pain and restraints behind.

As such, Cillian had nothing to add to your paper and thought about it every night since. There was something about you which intrigued him and it was not just sexual anymore. His interest in you was now on a different kind of level and the feelings he was starting to harbour for you bothered him even more, causing him to supress his very own emotions.

Nonetheless, his behaviour was obvious to some, especially Cillian’s friend Enda who began to worry about whether this was still about you, the woman he had met two weeks ago. Even though Cillian assured him that he had forgotten all about your short lived fling, he did not believe him. He was not the type of guy who would engage in one-night stands and then never think about them again. He must have liked you from the get go, as otherwise he would not have slept with you. And he most certainly had not forgotten about you now as all he ever did was mentioning your name non-stop, in every single ended conversation.

***

Eventually, Friday rolled around and it was another day where you had a lecture in PRAC300 before commencing your on-stage experience for which you were each given an on-stage character role and a script to read.

The roles were allocated randomly and when you were assigned the role of a mother who had recently lost her child, you could not help but sigh. It was not a role you were confident to act out and, yet, you knew you had no choice. You had to take the role just as the other students had to take theirs. This included James who, also, ended up with a role he was unhappy about but, unlike you, he spoke about it in Cillian’s lecture.

“Cillian, man, I think there is a mistake” he said in an arrogant way. “This role should be given to a girl” he then determined, causing Cillian to furrow his eyebrows.

“Why?” Cillian asked, seeing that James had been drawn for the role of a character named Tina.

“Because Tina is a girl. I am playing a fucking girl” James laughed but Cillian did not think that his comment was funny at all and neither did you.

“Not exactly James. The role is non-binary” Cillian explained before telling him that this was an acting class. “It is important for you to step out of your comfort zone” Cillian furthermore said before pointing out that two female students in the class are portraying male characters.

“Now, if I can get everyone to schedule a time with me please so that we can go through your role, one on one, that would be fantastic” Cillian said and, of course, Lorraine and some of the other female students were quick to snap up the first available spots, leaving them with next to no time to prepare.

Luckily for Lorraine, she was portraying a young female teacher who was in love with her student. It was a role based on a book you had read quite recently and the fact that she got this role was rather amusing to you. She had an interest in Cillian and it was basically a matter of roles in reverse, if only Cillian had known.

When it was finally your turn to book a time with Cillian however, you realised that your work schedule clashed with his remaining availabilities and it was at this point that he made an exception for you which was something that got you talking.

“I have ballet classes from 3 o’clock to 6 o’clock each day and I cannot get out of them” you told him after the last student left the room and, sure enough, he remembered your passion for dance.

“So, how about 7 o’clock on Thursday then? It is after hours but I could come and see you here” Cillian offered and you were surprised by his suggestion.

“Is that not too late for you?” you wondered, knowing that he two young daughters.

“Well, generally speaking, Thursdays and Fridays are fine” Cillian responded since he was usually on his own on these days and, just after he told you about his availabilities for the next week, he also mentioned that both of his daughters had recently joined the dance club at Stafford school, which was an integral part of the academy you attended.

“Really? Do they like it?” you asked while imagining Cillian taking his two girls to the ballet classes. It was mothers who attended the classes with their children but, on occasion, a dad would come along and appear totally out of place.

“Yes. They seem to enjoy quite a bit” Cillian told you before showing you a photograph he took of them from their last class.

“Who is their teacher?” you wondered, seeing that they were both between the ages of eight or ten.

“Miriam Connor. She is a young French woman I think” Cillian told you while sliding through the photographs and you could immediately see the resembles of him in both of his daughters. They had the same pale freckled skin and light-coloured hair.

“Yes, she is. She is good. But she is leaving. She is going to join the London Dance Company” you told Cillian who appeared surprised as, clearly, the dance club has not informed him about it just yet.

“Really? That’s a shame, because the girls really liked her” Cillian thus told you and you smiled.

“Well, they will get another pretty awesome teacher mid-term, so don’t you worry” you then teased and Cillian furrowed his eyebrows quickly.

“Really? Is she good too, is she?” he asked without realising that you were going to be the girls’ new teacher.

“She is the best” you joked before telling him that you would be taking on the classes for the eight- to twelve-year-olds from next week.

“Talking about awkwardness” Cillian thus said, seeing that this may become a little weird but, to you, it meant nothing. If anything, you were looking forward to meeting Cillian’s daughters and teaching them how to dance.

“Yeah, I mean, you could enrol the girls into another dance school if you like” you said nonetheless but he chuckled.

“And explain this to my ex how?” Cillian asked while cocking an eyebrow.

“Well, you could tell her that you slept with the ballet teacher who also happens to be your student at drama school” you teased jokingly but quietly and Cillian quickly reminded you to be discreet.

“Y/N, please…” he said while you smirked and then suddenly interrupted him.

“God, relax Cillian. I am going to make sure that they have fun and excel with their routine. There is no bad blood between us and, like I said, nothing ever happened right? It was just sex, a one off, that’s it” you reminded him and Cillian gave you a reluctant nod.

“Yes, it was just sex” he repeated quietly after ensuring that there was no one around. “So, Thursday, 7 o’clock then?” he then asked and you confirmed.

“Yes, 7 o’clock is great. Thank you. But I must go now. I am already late for training. Thanks Cillian” you said before grabbing your things and walking through the door.

***

Later that day, at around five o’clock, you were indeed dancing and preparing yourself for a competition in London next week.

Unbeknownst to you, however, this time around, you were being watched just as you practised your routine, wearing nothing than black ballet shoes and a dark coloured long sleeve leotard.

“Cillian!” Enda said as he saw his friend standing in the door of Studio C. Enda’s daughter was dancing in the same class as Cillian’s girls and, after Cillian had already told him that he would be there this evening, he sought him out after seeing his daughters upstairs, practicing their routine.

“Fuck, you scared the shit out of me” Cillian jumped suddenly, after having been startled by Enda. He was too lost in his thoughts and admiration for you that he had not noticed his friend approaching from behind.

“What are you doing here?” Enda ought to clarify, seeing that the girls dancing took place upstairs. Downstairs was reserved for the adults, the professionals, and choreographers.

“The girls have ballet practice” Cillian said in a trance.

“Yes, upstairs in Studio A. As always” Enda laughed, seeing that he had dropped his daughter off there ten minutes earlier.

“They are there going through their routine” Cillian then said without turning around to face him and, what he was saying, made no sense at all.

“While you check out the grown-up ballerinas in Studio C. Makes total sense” Enda eventually laughed, seeing that his friend was paying no attention to his presence and it was then that he realised something. Enda realised that there must have been a reason for the fact that Cillian’s mind was absent and that reason was wearing a black leotard and fit his friend’s description of a girl he met in a bar two weeks ago.

“Oh wait, hang on, is that her?” Enda then asked a little too loudly, causing Cillian to finally turn around.

“Who?” he asked.

“Your student. The one you slept with…” Enda said before watching you turn around as well. “Oh shit, she is coming” he then went on to say and Cillian’s cheeks immediately turned red.

“Yeah, thanks for that man” Cillian said, worried about the fact that you had heard what Enda was saying but, luckily for him, you did not.

“Cillian, hey” you thus said with a smile before approaching Cillian and his friend.

“Hey” Cillian responded shyly.

“What are you doing here?” you wondered, seeing that his daughters had dancing practice upstairs, not downstairs.

“The girls have dancing upstairs and you know when they get to the age where, as a parent, your presence embarrasses them?” Cillian chuckled but you both knew that he was simply making an excuse for watching you.

“Yeah. I can see how that would pen out for you” you said nonetheless before your name was called again and this was when you had to leave and continue with your performance, leaving Cillian’s deep blue eyes to follow you.

“Dude, I can see your dilemma here. She is attractive” Enda observed but his friend was in a trance again as he was mesmerised by the way you moved to the quiet classical music playing in the background.

“She is incredible” Cillian then murmured, causing Enda to gasp.

“Okay. You may need to reconsider resigning from your position at the drama school Cillian…” he said with caution but Cillian did not listen. “Cillian?” Enda then asked again. “You aren’t listening, are you?” he wondered.

“What?” Cillian responded and Enda shook his head in disbelieve.

“Nothing, I am going back upstairs man” he then told him, knowing that there was nothing else he could do for his friend at this point. Cillian was playing with fire and Enda had to find a way to address this with his best friend. He could not pursue you unless he resigned but, even then, it would look terrible for him if it ever came out.

To be continued…

Please comment and engage. I love getting comments and predictions pretty please!

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[cheeriecherrymain]

What about Viktor with a reader who seems like a total airhead/bimbo but is actually incredibly intelligent and witty?

Please pardon any mistakes, I'm typing this on my phone lol

-So you guys probably meet in one of your classes, when you're both still pretty young.

-He's initially drawn to you because of your...interesting...questions during class discussions.

-He admittedly jumps to conclusions.

-Your questions aren't necessarily stupid, but they lack common sense. Anyone in the course should have been able to answer your problems without issue, yet there you were. Asking anyways.

-He assumes you're not paying attention during the lessons...but then how do you do so well on exams? Were you cheating off someone? Paying someone to write your essays for you?

-It boggles his mind, how you could barely know what you're talking about in class, but then turn around and have the second highest marks in the class.

-It all comes to a head when the midterm results are posted outside the classroom. Viktor expects his name to be in the top spot, as it usually is, but when he looks...

- "There must be a mistake," he mutters, growing agitated. No one pays him any mind though, checking their own marks and wandering off to find their seats.

-Instead of following suit, he walks up to the Professor's desk.

- "I think there is an error in the grades that have been assigned," he says quietly, trying not to make a scene.

- "No worries, my dear boy. I assure you that I have triple checked my work - something you might want to try, in the future."

-A couple people snicker to themselves, and Viktor's impatience rises.

- "How could there possibly not be a mistake?" he hisses. "According to the marks posted, Y/N had the highest grade - that's just not possible!"

-Out of the corner of his eye, he notices you perk up at the mention of your name. Now, with you listening in, his confidence in the matter plummets.

-The professor asks him why it wouldn't be possible for you to have a good grade.

-"Because she's an idiot!" he says, much louder than intended - loud enough for most of the class to hear, yourself included.

-He doesn't miss the way that your shoulders fall slightly, nor the way your demeanor grows somber and your gaze casts downward.

-He's immediately hit with a wave of guilt, which only worsens when the professor send him to his seat and he gets a better look at you as he passes.

-You're silent in class for the following week. You don't ask your usual absurd questions, and you don't participate in group discussions - you don't say anything, actually.

-Even when you're paired up for your final projects, and find yourselves in a group, you're eerily quiet.

-It's awkward, in his opinion, but he's not going to try andbforce you to say anything. Instead he draws up a plan for what you should create, explaining it to you in extreme detail as he goes.

-You continue in silence as the semester progresses, watching Viktor work diligently while he goes over ever aspect of his creation.

-He had delegated the task of writing down test results to you, so you'd still be able to get marks for participating. Test results which had been repeating, as of late.

-"I just do not understand where I'm going wrong," he sighs one afternoon. "The barrel is straight, the nose is aerodynamic, the power source is adequate! I only have four days to figure out what's going on - we'll get a failing grade, otherwise."

-At first, you say nothing, keeping your gaze firmly locked on the paper attached to your clipboard.

-But then, all at once, fury curls into your features, and you scowl at him.

"There's too much pressure being released from the fuel tank," you say, finally. "Which you would have known, if you weren't so obsessed with making the damn thing look nice."

-"It's efficient," he tries to say, but you cut him off.

-"It's stupid to work on the aesthetics before the function! The wiring is also faulty, and it's either going to cause a fire, or screw up your design when we have our presentation."

-The two of you stare at each other for several moments, the air between you tense enough to feel.

-"How can you be so certain?" he grumbles.

-"Because despite your opinion of me, I'm far from stupid, Viktor. I've earned my grades, even if you think I didn't. God forbid someone be better than you at something."

-"You are not better than me," he argues. "You, and people like you, look down on me - you always have! You're pretentious and opinionated-"

-"The only one who is pretentious and opinionated is you!" you hiss back, poking him hard on the chest. "I looked up to you! And I can't believe I wasted so much time thinking so highly of you. You're an ass!"

-The two of you fall into silence for a couple of beats, before you continue, "and for the record, I ask stupid questions because the girl who sits beside me is mute - she writes them down, and I read them. And she's pretty damn smart, too "

-After that, you're quick to pack up your things and leave, whisking past Viktor in a flurry of frustration and hurt.

-His guilt returns to him. Had he really been so presumptuous? True, in the past, you'd never done anything to hurt him - never spoken out against him, or made any accusations.

-But unlike his earlier guilt, the feeling doesn't dissipate this time. He was wrong about you, and he knows it. He just needs to find a way to make it up to you.

[clementines-writing-corner]

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Hello friends!

As I said in my last post, I’m back!! Many apologies for disappearing into thin air after the last full length post in January, things just got crazy with the Spring semester. I was taking my big Writing Seminar class for my History Major, and researching and writing my big final paper (which was required to be 22-25 pages long and which I turned in at 49 pages long of course). I simply did not have the time, space, or mental capacity to devote the level of effort required for developing my original story and for the upkeep of this blog. 

And even after the semester ended, I got sidetracked by starting an internship for my major as well as starting a new part time job over the summer and the pet project of creating a website for my Aunt’s small business. Unfortunately, writing for personal enjoyment fell to the wayside for me for over half a year. But now, with a new semester kicking off, I’m back! ᕱ__ᕱ

Some of you may be thinking, but Clementine! It’s the start of a new semester, aren’t you going to still be too busy with college for this blog? Well…yes, I will be busy with college (and all the stuff I have to do to prep for my graduation in December)! But also no, I won’t be too busy for this blog. There are a multitude of reasons for this. For example, the fact that I’ve been cracking down on my procrastination habits over the past year and have been seeing some improvement, or the fact that I am only taking four classes this semester. But the main reason I will for sure have the time to devote to this blog and my personal creative writing again is thus: it’s become an assignment for one of my classes again! 

(Hello again, Professor M! You’ll be sick of me and my rambles by the end of the semester I promise. ᕱ__<)

I won’t bore y’all with the details but basically I’ll be picking up right where I left off with this blog, except this time I’m going to: 

#1 -  Try to be more active on this account that just my weekly posts for class. (I finally downloaded tumblr onto my phone so I should be able to partake in some doom scrolling on here as well as instagram lol.)

And #2 - For my posts that are for class, I’m going to try to have a little more focus that I did previously. As I’ve discussed here before, worldbuilding is extremely important to me, but it is also one of the parts I dread the most about developing my original story. So, I’m using my class assignment as an excuse to force myself to do at least a little something with world building and/or the development of my original story’s magic system every week.

But, as many of you know, the best laid plans often go awry, so strap in folks. It’s gonna get interesting. (But that’s the fun part after all! ᕱ__ᕱ) Hopefully, I’ll see y’all soon!

Dot your j’s and cross your t’s!

~Clementine J. Quincey 🪷

Also PS. I have a writing playlist that I've made (which I will share at some point) and the song that inspired it was this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AUn3kNda0k

It's so beautiful and awesome and epic that I just had to share! That's all. ᕱ__ᕱ

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #50

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please enjoy.

The sound of Pomp & Circumstance filled the entire hall, weaving through the ears of proud parents and extended relatives. Backstage, the graduates stood in line, waiting for their turn on stage, but none was more excited than the one and only salutatorian, Patty Ward. Unlike most other people, Patty relished public speaking.

While the five valedictorians discussed their division of labor in the corner, Patty stood confident in the knowledge that she’d already practiced and memorized her speech over the previous week. She was going to kill - absolutely kill.

The valedictorians went up first, nearly tripping over each others’ gowns on the way to the podium. The tall one took out a stack of index cards and tapped them on the podium before flipping through them and handing them out to the other four.

“Wait, wait, wait,” the short one whispered. “Why do I have three cards? The rest of you only have two.”

“Weren’t you paying attention?” The blonde one asked. “We agreed that since you go last, you have to take the extra card.”

“Where was I when you made that decision?”

“You know what, actually,” the bearded one rubbed his hairy chin. “I think you might have been in the bathroom. But it’s just the closing remarks.”

“Guys!”

“Look, it’s not a big deal, I’ll take the extra card.” The brunette swiped the card from the short one and added it to her stack. “Can we please all get along? This is the last time we’ll all be in the same room together. It’s important.”

Patty agreed. In fact, she was counting on that fact for her speech.

The tall one approached the microphone first, and awkwardly read from his cards. His part of the speech was something about unity in the face of challenges, but it was brief since each of the valedictorians only got about twelve seconds for their portion of the speech.

The rest of them gave similarly stilted reads of their lines, which for valedictorians seemed poorly written and low effort. They just didn’t seem to have anything to say.

Single file, the five of them left the stage, and Patty knew it was her turn. She got a whole minute all to herself. She confidently approached the podium, staring out into the massive crowd of faceless silhouettes. There was no need to ‘imagine them in their underwear’, or whatever people always said to do. Each person ceased to be human, ceased to be an individual with complex thoughts and motives. They were all part of the hive mind known as the audience. If one laughed, all laughed. A clap could begin anywhere and radiate out at the speed of sound.

Patty adjusted the microphone to her preference and slid her finger along the remote in her pocket. It was smooth to the touch.

“Greetings, all! It is my honor to speak to you all today and to congratulate the Class of 2017 for their great achievement. We did it!”

She held her arms in the air and the cheers quaked the room, localized in the teacher region of the audience.

She continued. “But it wasn’t easy. We struggled, we persevered. We studied, we procrastinated. We tried, and sometimes, we failed. Except the valedictorians, of course.”

She gestured to stage left, where the five had gone and now stood in the shadows. The crowd erupted into laughter. It didn’t take much.

“Me, personally? I stand before you as salutatorian - that is, the second-best - because I worked hard. Because I never gave up. Because of that one B in AP History.”

Everyone laughed at that one, as expected, and no one laughed harder than Mr. Idolt, the teacher who gave her the grade that sealed her fate. The one semester in which she didn’t get an A in every class. She took this moment of pause to pull the remote from her pocket and hold it up in the air.

“The funniest part is I’m not fucking joking.”

No one in the crowd could tell what she was holding, but the quiet that immediately took the room told her that she had them worried.

“This remote is attached to a series of explosives I have placed around the building. I don’t want to have to use it, but I did not come THIS FAR to leave with a goddamn three-point-nine-seven GPA! I get a four-point-oh or every one of us turns into a crater!”

Patty pointed at Mr. Idolt. “Come on up here!”

He stumbled, clearly scared out of his mind, across the row of seats to the aisle and walked toward the stage. He climbed up awkwardly and brushed himself off before hesitantly approaching the podium.

“Why don’t you tell them all why I ended up with a B, teach?” She pushed the microphone toward him.

“Uh…” the microphone popped and he pulled back from it by an inch. “I didn’t think your essay was quite up to par with AP grading guidelines. For a nine. I gave you an eight instead. That is still very good.”

“Were there better essays?”

“I have seen many -”

“Were there better essays in this graduating class?”

He adjusted his glasses, which slipped down his nose from all the nervous sweat. “Uh… no. No, I don’t suppose there were.”

Patty pointed back off stage. “So why did you give blondie over there a nine?”

The crowd gasped. Idolt began shaking and looked toward his wife, who shook her head in disapproval. He gulped.

Patty rubbed her thumb along the contours of the button on the remote while refusing to break eye contact with the man.

“I… I must have made a mistake. She… didn’t deserve it. It… wasn’t as good as yours. I’ll - I’ll fix it, okay! I will!”

“You’ll give me an A for that semester?”

“Yes! Yes! You were my best student, you always were!” He started crying and fell to his knees.

Patty looked at the crowd, satisfied by her revenge, and clicked the button. Contrary to what she had claimed would happen, however, no one exploded into a million pieces. The projector screen descended behind her on stage and the lights dimmed. She moved the microphone back into place for her to speak into it.

“And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I leave you as the sixth valedictorian of the Class of 2017. Please enjoy the rest of the ceremony.”

[angelasscribbles]

Irreparable Choices

Series: American Girl

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake x Riley

Rating: MA

Warnings for this chapter: Mature themes, unplanned/unwanted pregnancy. Abortion discussed

Word Count: 2,710

A/N: This is a follow-up to Home for Christmas, which makes it technically a two-shot, not a one-shot. Full disclosure, I have another chapter written which makes it a three-shot well on its way to being another series. What the fuck is wrong with me, I don't need another series.

While the first one explored Riley and Liam's relationship and the ending of it, this one explores Riley and Drake's. This is complete AU, they are normal people living in north Texas. They grew up together and are now trying to navigate adult life and college, but having a hard time severing those ties.

Special shout out to @karahalloway for prereading this and encouraging me to actually post it.

My other stuff: Master List.

Drake Walker was living his dream.

He had left the bowling alley and gone to work for North Texas Auto Repair after finishing his first year of automotive technology classes at the local community college.

He had just started the last semester of his degree program and already had a solid offer of full-time employment from the owner of the auto shop. The guy had given him the part-time job as an apprentice mechanic as a favor to his father, but the offer of a full-time position as a certified automotive technician had been extended because he was good with cars, reliable, and worked his ass off.

Drake had a plan and so far things were right on track.

The only thing missing was her.

“Hey, kid! Walker!”

Drake looked up from under the hood of a 1972 Dodge Charger at the sound of his name.

His boss gestured toward the bay doors of the auto shop, “You have a visitor.”

Drake’s eyes followed the gesture and his heart skipped a beat. He quickly wiped his hands clean and hurried over to her, “Riley? What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you.” She chewed her lip nervously.

“Okay, yeah,” he knew something was wrong because it was the middle of January and she was supposed to be at school in California.

“Hey, Bas!” He called across the bay to his boss, “Mind if I take off early tonight?”

“Sure, kid, just don’t make a habit of it.” Bastien didn’t actually mind. It was only thirty minutes early and Drake had never called in sick, asked for a day off or so much as been late in the nine months he’d worked there.

“I won’t!” Drake called over his shoulder as he ushed Riley from the open-air bay into the heated office, “What are you doing here? What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, “I need to talk to you in private!”

Drake glanced at the woman behind the counter, “Meg, would it be all right if we used the break room for a little bit?”

“Sure, no one else is going to need it again today. It’s almost closing time.”

“Thank you, you’re the best!” He told her as he pulled Riley down a hallway and through the breakroom door.

He closed the door behind them then turned to Riley in concern, “Okay, what is it? What’s wrong? Spill!”

Riley paced across the room, twisting her hair around a finger as her mind whirled with all the different variations she’d rehearsed inside her head over the last few days. Finally, she simply blurted out, “I’m pregnant!”

He froze as he struggled to process her words, “Are you sure?”

Frustration pinged through her, “I didn’t just drive for two days across four states on a fucking whim, Drake! I’ve taken six tests! I’m sure!”

“I thought you were on the pill!”

“I was! It obviously failed!”

He slid a hand down his face, “Shit…”

“Yeah, shit!” She agreed.

“Don’t take this the wrong way but…is it mine?”

“Yes, Drake, it’s yours! Again, why the fuck else do you think I drove across four states to get to you?”

“Moral support,” he replied instantly, “which I would give either way.”

“I know it’s yours because I had my period right before I came home for Christmas and I haven’t been with anyone else since and-“

He held his hands up in front of him, “Hey, hey, hey! I believe you! You don’t have to convince me!”

“Are you sure? Because-“

“I’m sure!” he asserted, his voice going softer, “I know you wouldn’t lie to me about something like that.”

“Okay, good,” her anger quelled but she was still in panic mode, “because my whole fucking life is falling apart right now and I don’t know what to do!”

“Okay, okay, it’s going to be okay!” He started pacing as he ran a hand through his hair, his mind spinning looking for solutions.

“How? How the fuck is this going to be okay?” her voice trembled.

He stopped pacing and turned to face her, “I can increase my hours here, or get a second job, I could easily go back to the bowling alley! You could move back home and have the baby!”

“Where are we going to live? Your parent’s garage?” she scoffed.

He held a finger up, “First of all, it’s not a garage anymore, it was converted into a second master suite and it has its own entrance so that is a valid option,” he held up another finger, “Second, I’m only living there while I’m in school so I don’t have to work full time, but I could!”

“Working full time would interfere with your schoolwork, I can’t ask you-“

“You’re not asking, I’m telling you that I only live at home to save money, but-“

“Right, because we’re both broke ass college students, what’s your point?”

“My point is, I can take care of you, Riley!” So many different emotions flooded into his chest that he could barely breathe. But nothing in him wanted to run away from this. From her.

“I’m not asking you to take care of me, Drake and I can’t just drop out of school!”

“Why not?”

“Why not?” she glared at him, “Because if I miss a semester, I’ll lose my scholarship, and if I lose my scholarship I lose my only chance to go to college and get a degree, that’s why not!”

“You don’t need it!” his voice rose, “I’m graduating in three months and I have a full-time job waiting for me here making good money!”

“Drake-“

“I mean it, Riley! My starting salary is almost as much as my dad is making now after twenty-five years on the force!”

“I know, Drake but I don’t want to depend on someone else’s salary!” Angry tears stung her eyes, “I want to finish my degree! I want a career of my own! I want to do things, travel, see the world a little before I settle down!”

“You can still do all those things!” He yelled.

“How?” She yelled back.

He stared into the face of the girl that held his heart in her hands, wondering how she seemed to be so oblivious to that fact.

He drew in a deep breath and tried for calm and reasonable as he said, “You can still follow all your dreams, Riley. They’ll just be delayed a little, that’s all! We can get married, have the baby and when you’re ready, you can enroll in a school closer to home.”

“School costs money-“

“I’ll pay for it!” He insisted.

“We’ve never even talked about a future together, Drake! Marriage…kids…. I don’t even know if you want that! Hell, I don’t even know if I want that! And we sure as hell shouldn’t be getting married just because I got knocked up! That’s no basis for a lasting relationship!”

“Lasting relationship?” he stared at her incredulously, “We’ve known each other our whole lives, Riley!”

“Yeah, as neighbors and friends!”

He was angry and shocked, “You think we’re just friends?”

His anger made her unsure, “Yeah, friends with benefits….”

His mouth fell open in disbelief, “Seriously?”

“Seriously what, Drake?” She exploded, “We get together over Christmas or spring break, hang out, get drunk, have sex, then go back to our respective lives! With very little communication in between, I might add! What am I supposed to think we’re doing here?”

All his resolve to remain calm and collected flew right out the window at that complete mischaracterization of their relationship, “It’s not my fault you spent last summer in fucking Europe with that study abroad program! And don’t think I don’t know that Liam was in Italy at the same time as you!”

“What’s your point?” She snapped.

“My point is that Christmas and spring break aren’t the only times that I bother to see you, they’re the only times that I get to see you, Riley, and I look forward to both of them all year long! Or have you forgotten that I drove all the way to fucking California to spend spring break with you last year?”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” she relented. Dropping onto the black faux leather couch in the corner of the breakroom she let her head fall into her hands, “I’m just spiraling right now. I know you’re trying to help but we don’t have an actual relationship, Drake. We’re not officially dating, we’ve never discussed a future together and this certainly wasn’t planned!”

His jaw clenched as he considered her words. Nothing she said was untrue. They hadn’t discussed a future together, and they weren’t a couple, but he was in love with her.

Not that he’d ever told her that.

He crossed the room as he spoke, “All of that is true and if you don’t want to have this baby, then I’ll support you but…”

She lifted her head to look at him, “But?”

“But I don’t want you to make a decision without all the facts.” He sat down next to her with a sigh as he skimmed a hand through his hair before confessing, “I’ve never brought up the future or asked you to be official because I’m afraid of the answer.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…You've been very clear about wanting to be free to immerse yourself in the college experience and all the commensurate shenanigans that entails.”

“That was actually Liam’s idea,” she reminded him with a slight smile.

He bumped his shoulder into hers gently, “Yeah, well, you seem to have fully and enthusiastically embraced the concept.”

A small laugh escaped her, “Thanks in part to you.”

“What?” Surprise pulled through him.

“I was heartbroken when he broke up with me you know.” She shifted so her body was facing his.

“I remember…” he unconsciously turned his body a little more toward her.

She placed a hand on his arm, “You helped me through that! If not for you I’d probably still be sulking about it.”

“Great. I was your rebound guy. I knew it!” He joked.

“Ha ha, but yes, you really were. You made me feel something again.” She dropped her hand from his arm and started to turn away.

He reached out and grabbed her hand in both of his, “I’m glad I was able to be there for you, but that’s the other reason I haven’t brought up the future…”

Her eyes searched his, “What do you mean?”

“I mean…I know you’re not over Liam. I know you two still have unfinished business and I know you’ve been with other guys in California,” he released her hand and looked away as he admitted, “I… I didn’t think you wanted anything official, or to talk about a future with me.”

Riley was stunned, “Are you saying you do?”

He shrugged as he met her eyes quickly then looked away again, “Yes, Riley, I do. But I didn’t want to push you. I want kids someday. This is sooner than expected, and if it was any other girl, I’d probably be freaking out right now, but the idea of raising a baby with you isn’t the worst one in the world.”

She felt an unexpected frisson of jealousy coil around her heart, “But there are other girls.”

He turned his gaze back to her with a disbelieving shake of his head, “That’s the part you want to focus on right now? Yes, there have been other girls! Are you telling me you haven’t slept with anyone at Berkeley?”

Her eyes dropped to her lap. She didn’t answer.

“That’s what I thought. But listen,” he put a finger under her chin and tipped her head up, “those girls are friends with benefits. You are so much more to me than that! If you want to have this baby, then I am all in! I’ll do whatever you need me to do to support that, including marrying you and it won’t be just because of the baby. I’ve wanted to marry you since preschool. Remember?”

She laughed as she leaned into him, “You proposed with a ring pop!”

“Damn right I did!” he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, “It was cherry too, my favorite! I gave you my favorite flavor ring pop, Riley. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is!”

She let herself relax into his embrace, “I’m sorry if I’m being a raging bitch but-“

“You’re fine. I get it. It’s a lot to take in.”

“You may be willing to sacrifice your grades and future, but I’m not. I can’t let you do that for me.”

“It wouldn’t be for you, baby, it would be for us!” His grip around her tightened.

The intensity of emotion in his voice both thrilled and terrified her.

She wasn’t ready.

For any of it.

“I’m sorry, Drake,” she whispered, “I can’t.”

He went completely still for a moment, “Are you sure? Have you thought through every consideration?”

“I’ve had nothing but time to think while I drove across the country.”

His head fell back against the wall as relief and disappointment both crashed through him, “Okay.”

“Okay? You don’t hate me for it?” she asked as her fingers fidgeted with the placket of his shirt.

“I could never hate you,” he leaned forward to place a soft kiss on the top of her head, “for any reason.”

“Okay, good,” her voice hitched a little as tears pooled in her eyes, “I’ll make the appointment when I get back to Berkeley.”

He swallowed back his own tears as he stroked her hair, “Okay. Just tell me when and I’ll be there.”

“What?” She pulled away from him startled, “Oh, no, you don’t have to-“

He shook his head as he reached for her and pulled her back into his chest, “Yes, I do! You didn’t get into this situation alone and you’re not going to deal with the repercussions alone, okay?”

Fresh tears flooded her eyes, this time from relief, gratitude, and the overwhelming feeling of being loved when she felt completely unlovable. She nodded her head, “Okay, I’ll let you know.”

“Good.”

They held each other for a while in silence as they each tried to process the enormity of the situation.

When he finally spoke, his voice was light, his tone teasing, “So, did you drive across four states just to tell me that you don’t want to marry me?”

She laughed through her tears, as she looked up at him, “Stop it!”

He smiled sadly as he wiped the wetness from her cheeks, “Come on, Brooks. Let me buy you dinner and get you home. You must be exhausted.”

“I…can’t go home. What will I tell my parents about why I drove all the way here just to turn around and drive back?”

She hadn’t wanted to tell him on the phone. She had needed to see him, needed to confide in the only other person this affected.

“Okay, leave your car here. We’ll pull it around back, no one will see it. You can come home with me. No one ever comes in my room. You’ll get a good night’s sleep and I’ll take you to breakfast before you head back.”

She knew in that moment that she’d been right to come.

He always made everything better. From scraped knees in preschool to beating up her fifth-grade bully to helping her pick up the broken pieces of her heart after graduation.

“That sounds good, Drake. Thank you… for everything.”

“I don’t know what the hell I did except get you into this predicament,” he scoffed, “but you know I always have your back, right?”

“We got into this predicament together,” she corrected him, “But yeah, I do know, so thank you.”

“Come on,” he stood up and held his hand out to her, “the least I can do is feed you.”

The feel of his hand clasped around hers calmed the raging anxiety that had been gnawing at her since she first suspected she might be pregnant.

She followed him out of the breakroom and out of the shop, hand in hand, feeling more at peace than she had in days.

[suzuka-akira]

Chance

(click here to read on ao3)

The first time they communicate, it’s on paper that they do.

If you’re planning on cheating in this exam, I’d suggest you refrain from going along with your plan, because I saw what you brought into the exam hall and I think I know what you’re about to do.

- From the student who sits in front of you

That day, Kurusu doesn’t manage to submit what she’d planned to write on the exam paper.

The second time they communicate, a fire almost breaks out between them.

“Thank you so much, you damned son of a bitch.”

Kurusu sticks her leg out in front of her to stop him in his tracks, and the boy in glasses almost trips. She doesn’t care - it’s her final year, and he was the one who, of all things, just had to trip her up on her chances of graduating.

“Did you know that you just cost me my grades?” Kurusu doesn’t even try to conceal the anger in her voice.

“I don’t know about that, but I do know that you almost cost yourself your continued enrolment in the university,” is all he responds. He looks her straight in the eye without so much as a strand of sympathy, and her rage threatens to spill over into her words.

She opens her mouth and it almost does, but he beats her to speaking first.

“I can help you study, though.” He smiles, and Kurusu almost can’t tell if he’s joking. “It’ll cost you nothing.”

A fire had almost broken out between them, but the only fire remaining at this point, is the flush on Kurusu’s face.

The third time they communicate, Kurusu asks a question amidst the math questions on paper they’ve been attempting to solve together for the past hour.

“If you saw me bring in the handwritten notes into the exam hall, why didn’t you tell on me straightaway?” The curiosity spills over from Kurusu’s lips onto her words. “Why did you give me a chance?”

He smiles, and Kurusu can tell he isn’t joking.

“Because I’m a pretty good judge of character, and you don’t look like one to do things without reason.”

A brief silence; eventually, “Thank you so much,” is all Kurusu manages to utter, really meaning it this time.

The fourth time they communicate, no words are needed.

Something green and small is taped to Kurusu’s exam paper; on closer inspection, Kurusu realises it’s a four-leaf clover.

No words are needed, but Kurusu hears his well-wishes loud and clear.

Five minutes till the exam ends, and Kurusu thinks a miracle has occurred.

First of all, she’d actually finished her exam paper ahead of time. That hasn’t even happened on the days she’d cheated.

Secondly, she’d actually knew how to do the questions. Without cheating.

Thirdly, if she hadn’t been designated to sit in this seat, they’d never have met. Maybe she would have been caught cheating the previous round, and expelled immediately. She wouldn’t have found a great study partner (though he really was more a tutor to her than her study partner).

She wouldn't have found the kindest person to ever exist, and she knows she'd be a fool to let him go.

They’d never have met, and the seeds would never have sprouted in Kurusu’s heart.

Thank you so much, are Kurusu’s only thoughts, and they’re her silent words of gratitude to whatever higher being exists - to Fate, to Providence, to the Universe, to Chance, for having let her have the miracle of such a chance encounter; for giving her a chance, as he had, just one semester ago.

They'd met, by a random stroke of chance, and Kurusu almost can’t believe her luck.

Five minutes after the exam ends, a slight commotion seems to be going on behind her.

She thinks it’s just the noise of post-exam discussion, but before she can get up from her seat (eager to thank her Well-Wisher in person), the chief invigilator, an old and high-ranking professor, seems to be…

…walking up to her?

Beside the invigilator is a girl she recognises, and not in the best of ways, because all it does is bring the worst of memories to her recollection.

They’d been in high school when it occurred.

Minami was her best friend - or rather, Kurusu had thought Minami was her best friend, so she trusted her, and told her about her plans to bring her notes into the examination hall. “Maybe I wouldn’t even need to use it, and it’ll just be a good luck charm,” Kurusu had joked.

Turns out, Minami was not her best friend after all, and although Kurusu ended up not using her cheat sheet, her grades were halved thanks to Minami’s report, which is why Kurusu is in a university far from the university of her dreams, in a course far from the course of her dreams. 

Of course she’d struggle in university - mathematics was never what she wanted to do. She'd even had to resort to cheating, for real, and, well, joke's on Minami, the perpetrator of her self-fulfilling prophecy. Three years in, and Kurusu is struggling to graduate. 

More precisely, Kurusu was struggling to graduate, but a miracle had occurred, allowing her to meet Kurata Takezou, her benefactor-turned study partner and tutor, who’d given her a chance; who’d allowed her to give herself a chance.

And before she knew it, she was no longer struggling, and Kurusu almost can’t believe her luck.

She was thriving, and so were the flowers that had started to bloom in her heart.

And no way is she intending to give up this chance…

…but a dark shadow now looms over her and her future, in the form of a girl she recognises from high school, in the worst of ways.

Kurusu can’t believe her luck.

The chief invigilator, accompanied by a girl she wishes she doesn’t know, is walking up to her.

“This student claims she caught you bringing your notes into the exam hall, but dropped in on the ground right before it started.” He brandishes a stack of paper in front of her. Her full name, Kurusu Hiro, is written on it in black pen, and she doesn’t even recognise the handwriting.

“Those aren’t my notes-” she tries, but before she can continue, the professor stops her, not even giving her a chance.

“She said you’d cheated before in your high school final examination. This gives us reason to suspect that you’d do the same, in your university examination-”

A hand smaller and slimmer than his suddenly takes the papers from his hands, and he recoils in shock.

“What are you doing-”

“Those aren’t her notes,” Kurata repeats Kurusu’s words for her, not even giving him a chance to continue speaking. “This is not her handwriting. Also, she doesn’t use black pens. And she’d never write her full name on any paper that isn’t an exam paper.”

Kurusu doesn’t know what to say; not even she had noticed those things about herself.

“She isn’t lying,” comes a voice from behind them - it’s another invigilator, a young professor that Kurusu recognises from one of her Psychology electives. “And neither is he.”

And the chief invigilator argues no further, even if the one who had just spoken is a junior professor, because even he knows better than to go against the better judgment of Takinami Suzuka, aspiring star in the field of criminal psychology and body language, lovingly nicknamed “Prof Lie Detector” by his students.

The fifth time they communicate, it’s after the graduation ceremony that they do.

It’s spring and the cherry blossom trees have bloomed, and so have the flowers in Kurusu’s heart.

But if there is anything more fleeting than cherry blossom flowers, Kurusu doesn’t know what it is. A thin, pink piece falls from above her, landing beside her foot. She fears her chance may suffer the same fate.

There’s a lot she means to tell him - more than thank you and how can I ever repay you and can you continue to spend time with me and I don't think my life will be the same without you and I don't think I will be the same without you and I don't think I can do without you and I want to do something for you and I want to do many things for you, and -

“Will we ever meet again,” is the only thing that escapes her mouth, but her hands speak for her, because she grabs him by the wrist, lest her chance disappears like cherry blossom petals from a tree branch.

(The fifth time they communicate, Kurusu is determined to not let it be their last.)

“Of course,” He smiles, and Kurusu can tell he isn’t joking this time either. He interlaces their fingers together, and Kurusu can’t believe her luck.

“Because I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I'd be a fool to let you go.”

(The fifth time they communicate, is far from their last.)

[sagau-my-beloved]

Hello how are you doing? :P

Alive and kicking, for now at least—

I do currently have an absolutely inhuman amount of work dangling above me, threatening to crush me whenever it so chooses

Since I don't have anybody in my actual real life I can complain about this too, let me go over the full magnitude of exactly what I have to get done, so you can understand the sheer amount of bullshittery that's been thrusted upon me

I have to write 3 essays before Friday on Greek, Roman, and Egyptian architecture and statues, because I need to submit one of them for my western survey midterm but my professor has which one set at random, he also won't allow you to simply copy and paste whichever essay it turns out to be, you have to rewrite the entire thing in the text box provided

So that midterm is due Friday and is also composed of 9 short response questions that I don't know anything about before going into it, I have a staggering 90 minutes to do all of that 👌

Then I have a continuation of a semester long graphic design project, which requires me to create 25 unique logos based on a fictional environmental activism corporation, due Friday as well

Also on the graphic design schedule we have a completely different project, due Sunday, which specifically says in the header "Don't wait until the last minute to start working on this", which requires me to design four stamps based on social issues, with no less than 12 different steps of criteria for each, and then, of course, a formal analysis for the set

And then ending it off strong we have a discussion post which thankfully only requires about 3 paragraphs worth of work, one paragraph due Friday and the other two on Sunday

After that 3 psychology assignments due Friday, I'm really kind of scared to look at that class because I know I have this really big grade hanging over my head, but I don't know much about it or when it's due, and every week that passes I tell myself I'll deal with it next week—

Then moving ahead a bit, I have to fully shade an 11 × 14 in fantasy based architecture drawing, with a fine liner, before Monday, because that's when we're critiquing

Have to finish a landscape charcoal drawing that I've worked like 4 hours on and I'm only about 15℅ done with before Tuesday, because that's when we're critiquing

And then I have a western survey research paper due on Wednesday, that I have not started, roughly 5 pages and requires me to find 4 peer reviewed sources and properly cite them 😀

On top of that I'm completely losing tomorrow afternoon because I agreed to go to an event with a family member out of obligation, which I only learned about this morning, because if I don't go then a different family member of mine would go in my place, and having the two of them in a room together might actually lead to the final nail in the coffin of their multi decade long relationship

And I think that's about it—

So I'm just a tad bit stressed, but I assure you that I'm handling this with the utmost of optimism I am physically capable of, and no matter how all of this plays out I'm not going to die nor is it the end of the world, which is what I have to keep telling myself

So I apologize for kind of rambling for something that required a short concise answer, but honestly writing all that out was kind of therapeutic and it might actually help me keep better track of everything—

So thank you for the check in, I needed it, and I hope you aren't suffering the same fate

And maybe send a prayer to Lord Barbatos for me cause I'm gonna need it

[wedontburnbookshere]

☆☆☆

Technically, I'd give The Grimrose Girls 31/2 stars, while I would give The Wicked Remain 21/2, but overall for the duology, 3 stars feels fair. The books come with an interesting premise, two major parts of that premise immediately making me to grab both off the shelf: It takes place in a boarding school, and it deals with fairytales. I love fairytale retellings, but a difference in this duology is that not only do the fairytales the girls' lives are based off of known to them, but they try to study the stories in order to change their endings and break the curse.

There were parts of the books I really liked, some of the humor truthfully making me laugh. The girls -- Yuki, Ella, Nani, and Rory -- truly feel like teenagers making half-baked decisions you'd expect from teen girls finding out their classmates are dying because of a centuries-old curse based on a collection of fairytales. There really is something to be said about YA feeling like it's being written more for a 20-something audience that never grew out of the genre-demographic rather than it's intended teen audience (though I don't feel equipped to contribute to that discussion), so I enjoyed finding characterization that reminded me of my friends and I back when we were still figuring everything out while thinking we knew everything already (or at least telling ourselves we did).

The books juggles four main characters at an elite boarding school in Switzerland, where Nani is our Belle, Rory is our Princess Aurora, Yuki is our Snow White, and Ella is our Cinderella. For the most part, as much as I love both Yuki and Rory, I will focus more on Ella and Nani, as I feel like the books would have been stronger if they were the only POV characters, rather than juggling them along with Rory and Yuki.

Nani's only friends are characters in books while she pushes real people back, unwilling to give anyone the chance to hurt her. She wants to go back home, Switzerland a world away from Hawai'i, but she's determined to find out what happened to her dad, who had been a security guard at the school. Worse, Nani's bed was occupied only weeks ago by Ari, a girl who died before the new semester started, and Nani's roommates, Yuki and Rory, had been two of her closest friends, making her feel like she's being forced to replace their friend when she'd rather be by herself anyway.

Ella is at the school on scholarship, and she lives off-campus with her stepmother and stepsisters. She had also been best friends with Ari. A big part of her arc is standing up to take control of her narrative. She and Nani are learning lessons that mirror each other really well, and the books being limited to their voices could have made it stronger.

One nitpicky thing about Ella's arc is that a lot of it focuses on her needing to stand up for herself, rather than waiting to be saved (related, something that made me go :| was that several characters sounded similar when giving pep talks, reminding me of that one post critiquing so many characters using "therapy language"). There's even a scene where she'd lost her shoe, and when her love interest brings it to her, Ella states that she can put it on herself. Maybe I'm just burnt out from "girlboss" retellings of Cinderella, but while I would not describe Ella as being a girlboss-type character, I don't like when retellings of her fairytale say that she needs to save herself.

Asking and being willing to accept help can take huge amounts of strength, and while there were elements of that in Ella's story (from her friends but also her stepsisters helping her behind their mom's back), I wish it had leaned more into Ella's arc being her not just realizing her own power but also accepting help from her growing support system.

Sorry if this is a little all over the place, but without spoiling too much, the four main girls are not the only fairytale characters. Svenja, Nani's girlfriend, is meant to be Odette from Swan Lake, and Ari, who died before the start of the first book, is meant to be the mermaid from Andersen's "The Little Mermaid." Part of the books is that while trying to figure out how this curse started and how to break it, the girls are trying to figure out how to stop more of their classmates from meeting brutal fairytale deaths.

All of these overlapping stories disrupts the pacing sometimes, more-so in the second book than in the first. Despite being so excited to read it soon as I finished The Grimrose Girls, The Wicked Remain took a while for me to get through, and when Nani acknowledged the narrator, I grew confused, only for me to groan when Ella straight-up responded to the narrator.

Now, I do like meta-type storytelling, and it can definitely be done really well. I don't think it was done well here, with it popping out of nowhere and then never mentioned again. I feel like Pohl should have either committed to the bit or taken it out entirely.*

However, Pohl has a strong point in characterization and writing relationships. My favorite was actually the friendship between Ella and Yuki, partly due to my love of relationships that are so close, it's bordering or full-on toxic. Yuki would kill for Ella, and she has propped up Ella onto a pedestal, keeping her as an idol that she bases her moral compass on. I love this, and I loved Yuki's constant battle between her dark urges and her need to be like her best friend and also keep her in her life, even when Yuki believes Ella would be better off without her. Despite my opinion that the book would have been stronger if limited to Nani's and Ella's POVs, I did find Yuki's chapters to be interesting to read, especially after the seance scene in book one.

Overall, intriguing premise, and despite having read the books months ago, I still remember the characters and story clearly, which is more than I can say for other books I've read earlier this year.

*I took out the bit where I talked about my idea for how the meta part of the story could have been written instead, but then I decided to just add it at the very end, if anyone interested. I'm not convinced my idea would have been better; I just would have personally found it more interesting.

Personally, with how the girls break the curse, committing to the bit would be what I think is best, with crumbs in the first book with it kicking up a notch in book two. This could have helped lead more into that final fight scene, especially if it was eventually revealed that the narrator was actually one of those involved with casting this curse in the first place, with either Nani, Ella, or both eventually wrestling control to tell the rest of the book, changing it from 3rd person to 1st person. Them becoming more aware of a narrator pulling them along could have also done more to isolate them from their classmates and friends, which could have set stakes higher, since their classmates may now be less likely to listen to them when they try to help.

[comp491core]

Reflective Blog Post

Throughout the four years I have been enrolled at Dickinson College, I have experienced many things and have had overall a great experience. It was not easy, and certainly not all of that was intentional difficulty on the part of my instructors but it was rewarding and certainly prepared me to be flexible and to be able to challenge the difficulties I faced.

I think of all the struggles I faced at Dickinson, the greatest by far (and I expect many of my classmates and professors would agree) was COVID. In part due to the pandemic, I am right now in the middle of my first full spring semester at Dickinson. My first spring semester had a spring break that many of my classmates and I say lasted for years. Then it was online, then hybrid and last year I went abroad for my spring semester. Even now COVID is something many still worry about.

One of the goals of a Dickinson education is “to be actively engaged with the wider world” and I think that for many, this was the exact opposite of our experience during these years, huddled in our homes or dorms for a very long time. Online interactions can hardly be considered engaging with a wider world in my opinion. Even those online interactions were academic and, when everyone has a camera off or does not speak, were almost like just watching a video.

On the off chance that one was involved with a club in the semester and a half we got, then maybe they had some social interactions too but that in certainly not the wider world. I was lucky enough to study abroad which broadened my mind and was an engaging experience but at the same time it was yet another semester spent away from the college. If I had done the year, I would not have had a normal semester until my senior year.

It is difficult not to feel the loss of those semesters even if there was online education. Now, being back finally it is not hard to imagine how much better those semesters could have gone if I were not hunched over my desk staring at my screen for my lectures, especially with some of the difficult classes being taken during that time. I feel lucky that I chose computer science as my major along with German, as, while languages suffered during the online era, computer science as a discipline lent itself quite well to working online, even if groupwork was nearly impossible to organize.

One of the goals of the computer science major is to teach students the ability to collaborate and work well in teams. I thought that in the introductory courses especially, it was very difficult to avoid the workstyle of one person doing everything and also explaining what is going on to the other person in a two person group. It is difficult to address this, given that people are taking the courses for different reasons and at different skill levels, but this was a challenge to combat, especially during the pandemic where one member had to write the code almost by necessity unless they wanted to send their code via email.

Critical thinking and problem solving is another of the goals of my computer science Dickinson education which I think have been addressed to great extent. Having to figure out how to navigate online classes and the shift that this created left many reeling but was definitely an opportunity to practice flexible thinking and problem solving, such that I would be able to work through issues like this again, but this time in the workforce, I would hope.

My ethical thinking has evolved as well in my time at Dickinson. Often one hears about the morally gray software practices that can be common in the industry such as in self-driving cars or AI. Through many of my classes where we have discussed ethics, I feel confident in noticing ethical dilemmas and arguing my case, as nothing is worth what that could do to my conscience. I am now also clearer on my positions on such issues, and I know how to inform myself when I encounter an ethical dilemma.

I found the open-source software classes to be very informative and what I expect that real software development would be like. It was good to work on an in-progress project rather than working on something from scratch, even if the latter is more fulfilling. Being able to practice project management techniques as well will be no doubt very helpful once these techniques are actually being practiced on us. The current senior seminar courses are also good for this, as we are working on open-source projects as well, but the lack of structure means that the project management techniques are more difficult to practice.

One class I regret never being able to take is the machine learning course, as I feel it would really prepare me for the job market at the moment, where I see many listings asking for machine learning specialists and those familiar with work with AI. It was unfortunate that the data analytics major only opened up when I was unable to take the classes, as I would very much have liked to see it. Either that or to have it integrated more into the courses like AI.

Now, going into the workforce, my soft skills such as communication, teamwork and problem solving, as well as my experience working with actual open source projects seems to make me a good candidate for an entry level position according to some employers. Harder skills like specific language knowledge can be taught on the job but even if someone is the best coder around, if they cannot explain themselves to the client, they will not be a good job candidate. Being able to switch between java and python was a nice learning experience between my entry level COMP 130 and the secondary COMP 132 course. I am excited to learn and grow further with the building blocks that Dickinson supplied me with.

[inkofamethyst]

November 3, 2022

I’m skipping class for the first time ever, I think (and, yes, I do feel bad about it).  Today’s more of a discussion day for that class anyway and I have some work to catch up on for it plus I just finished my second of three exams this week and I think it was a bit of a doozy, but I don’t feel horrible about it.  Developmental biology is really really interesting stuff, and I wish I’d spent more time studying lol.  Glad I took the time to record lectures for it this go round!  My prof barely puts explanations on the slides.  Also,,, found out today that half the class doesn’t go to lecture which is funny because I know for a fact I couldn’t learn the material from the slides he posts...

My dad thinks I should apply to a backup Masters, actually.  Which puts me right about back to where I started.  He thinks I should go for an MBA which, sure, is more applicable to a greater diversity of pursuits.  But I’d kinda wanna go for a masters in library/museum studies, actually.  And I know, I know there are so few jobs out there for museum professionals.  I know.  But if I need something to do for a year or two in case I’m not accepted to any of the mere six programs to which I am applying.. I think I’d want it to be something I’d enjoy?  Something that I was looking into doing post-grad school anyway?  

I’m.. I’m getting worried again.  The worries, the nervousnesses are creeping back in.  I do have experience.  I do have wonderful, highly-connected mentors and recommendation-writers.  I suppose I just need the luck to be on my side.

And let’s not gloss over the fact that I missed an assignment.  Fully.  Just.. did not submit it.  The first time I’ve done so in... maybe ever?  A flat-out zero.  And if I don’t hurry up with last week’s assignment for the same class (a synthesis and summary reading response), I could end up with another one.  I do feel a bit overwhelmed with schoolwork while worrying about applications and also the orchestra (I honestly have not taken any real time to practice this whole semester and it shows and it sucks and I feel awful because I feel like I’m letting my section down (I have to clarify that I know this is not a healthy mindset)) and also my volunteer thing (which, frankly, doesn’t take up a ton of time, but still) and my research thing.  I don’t know if it’s the senioritis or what, but I am very much looking forward to next semester’s three-day weekends and comparatively minimal coursework.  I just need a wee break, that’s all.

I only have one ask, one prayer for this application season, and it’s that I end up where I need to be.  In a place that is challenging and fun and stimulating and nurturing.  And, if I had it my way, perhaps a little bit enviable too, but that’s not strictly necessary.

So to return back to the original thought, I don’t know whether I should apply to a backup masters program, actually.  I don’t know if it should be bioanth-based, museum studies, or something more generalized.  And I don’t know how to approach my mentors with the question, either.

I went to an open house for my “reach school” (they’re pretty much all reaches, but this is the major reach ig) and I wanna go there so bad oh my god.  I’m gonna end up in the same boat as I was in four years ago with my undergrad Choice 1 aren’t I lol.  I wanna go there so bad it almost hurts (that’s a hyperbole, as I’m definitely in a better space mentally than I was four years ago, but the basic sentiment stands).

Today I’m thankful that tomorrow’s exam quite literally does not matter for me because I got full marks on the last midterm for the class and one of the two midterms gets dropped, so there’s no incentive for me to try all that hard, honestly.  I’ll still go, I’ll still give a cursory glance over my notes, but I am not at all pressed.

Frankly, I just want to sleep.  Hard.

My body is so tense that I think if anyone were to touch me even gently, if the wind were to blow ever so slightly in my direction, I might shatter like a brittle statue.

[un-pearable]

incredibly ironic to me that i spent all of high school putting all my stats into math and science bc ~women in stem~ but i’ve never been happier than now when i get to study arguably the most human of the humanities (anthropology) and i’m cranking out multiple thousands of words a day of bullshit analysis, having the time of my life AND not having to attend 8am calc classes. triple win (does not have to think about physics).

[anywherebuthere]

I had a dream about you last night || j.p.

James Potter x fem!reader

“Even when you’re gone, you are all that haunts my dreams.”

Wordcount: 1969

A/N: Happy (belated) birthday to the only man ever <33 I am illiterate, so I had a mental breakdown writing this <3 please enjoy!! special thanks to @anchoeritic and @gxtitobxby for supporting me via discord and for making fun of the time I got hit by a car :)) @skullsontess07​ I finally posted it pls don’t hurt me <33

Warnings: alcohol, allusions to sex, death, bad writing, especially towards the end. barely proofread because I don’t believe in mistakes <3 /j

Please do not repost this!! I do not consent to this piece of fiction being published on any other site besides tumblr unless it by my doing.

The ticking of the grandfather clock thrummed in James’ ears as he tipped back the empty bottle, the smell of whiskey heavy in the air. He leaned his head against the cold surface of the white plaster wall, scanning the textured ceiling with misty eyes. His home, still half furnished, was riddled with traces of something better forgotten. Even with the weight of alcohol on his breath, his mind is running with memories and daydreams of her. 

He closed his eyes, forcing the imagery away. In the distance, a train chugged on, its lone whistle echoing in the night, and James can’t help but be pulled into an uneasy slumber, memories still flashing through his mind like a broken film. 

-

“Prongs, you git! We’re going to miss the train if you don’t hurry your fat arse.” Remus shouted, frustration seeping into his humoured voice. 

“Relax Moony, we’ll be fine,” he replied, breath heaving slightly from sprinting across Platform 9¾, just narrowly having avoided knocking over an elderly witch. 

As the four boys approached the entrance of the cart, the train’s departing whistle blared. They boarded quickly, though not without receiving a glare from a crew member.

Hurrying down the corridor, the boys glanced through every compartment window, though each appeared to be full of giggling sixth years. That is, with the exception of one.

Near the back end of the Hogwarts Express, was, at last, an empty compartment save for a singular figure slumped against the window. With no other choice of seating, the gaggle of boys slipped in silently, Sirius and Remus snagging the seats opposite to the slumbering girl, their pinkies linked as they whispered conspiratorially amongst themselves. 

Peter, as adverse to the female race as ever, took the seat closest to the door, leaving James to be wedged between the mousy blonde and the stranger, careful not to bump her with his broad shoulders.

The train ride was filled with hushed whispers as the marauders discussed this year's prank for the welcoming feast, a customary tradition they held sacred, as to “start the year right.” 

As they began going over the mechanisms of their plan, they felt the train begin to swerve as it approached a sharp turn. The compartment shook slightly and James suddenly felt a weight on his right side.

He stiffened, glancing over to see that the girl’s head had lulled over from the compartment wall and onto his shoulder. James recognized her as a student in their year. Y/N, who had tutored Regulus the same day that James had helped Sirius prank him as petty revenge for a now long-forgotten argument. 

And well, perhaps James had wanted her to notice him for once. If so, it had been a successful endeavour as he remembered the way her face had contorted in anger, though her attention had remained just as elusive for the remainder of their fifth year. So… perhaps not so successful.

He flushed at the memory. She was now even prettier than the year prior.

“Oh? Is that a blush we see, Moony?” Sirius taunted, nudging Remus with his elbow as he snickered at James’ scowl.

“Bloody hell, piss off, will you? You’ll wake her–” 

He felt her suddenly stir beside him, brows creasing as though on the cusp of consciousness. 

James held his breath.

The moment passed as Y/N nudged her face further into the crook of his neck before settling back into a peaceful slumber.

Perhaps he wouldn’t need the prank to start the year right this time around. 

-

It seemed that sixth year would be a good one for James. 

In the early morning of a mid-March day, an unlikely scene unfolded between the shelves of Hogwarts’ library. There he sat beside a bleary Y/N, voice still drowsy with sleep as she read aloud a passage from the Herbology textbook perched between them.

Initially, James had detested the thought of having to wake up at such an ungodly hour for the sake of a project. No other time had fit, not with his Quidditch practices and her absurd number of tutoring sessions. 

Though now, as the early rays of sunrise filtered through the library’s mullioned windows onto her skin, James thinks that there is nowhere else he would rather be.

He thinks this moment will be ingrained in his mind forever. 

“–once a century, the Flutterby bush produces flowers able to attract the unwary.” she paused to yawn, eyebags evident as she turned to meet James’ gaze. She scrunched her nose and he swore he swooned at the very sight. “Are you even listening to me, Potter?”

“I’m always listening to you,” he replied, tilting his head. She grins in response and he notices just how beautiful it is. 

She shifted her gaze back to the textbook lying in their laps, picking up where she had left off.

“Its scent adapts–”

James leaned forward suddenly, capturing her lips in his. The book fell closed between them.

Immediately, almost though by instinct, Y/N reciprocates, moving her lips gently against his as her hand cups his cheek. James finds himself gripping that hand as his other wraps around her waist, finding the small of her back and pulling her impossibly close against him.

She tasted of cherry chapstick and peppermint bubblegum, and though there was nothing particularly special about those flavours, on her, James swears that he could drown in his intoxication alone. Her perfume wafts through the air, the scent causing him to groan against her mouth. 

When they separated at last, his head was swimming in euphoria, his expression dazed. Y/N blinked up at him, sleep wiped entirely from her expression.

“Its scent adapts itself during these times to attract said unwary.” she finishes, sounding breathless still, voice trailing off as James began to laugh hysterically.

She rolled her eyes, smiling sheepishly. 

When James still couldn’t stop laughing, Y/N gripped his haphazardly tied red and gold tie, using it to pull his soft lips against hers once more and he was sure in his mind that there would no one else for him.

-

Beneath a great oak tree in the courtyard lay two figures. Under the tree’s twisting branches, they hid in its cool shade from the sweltering afternoon sun. Few places aside from the castle offered shelter from June’s blistering heat and as the semester approached its end, they finally allowed themselves to rest in the gentle breeze. 

James was leaning against the thick trunk while Y/N’s head lay in his lap. His elbow was resting on her abdomen as she drew on his hand, doodling intricate flower designs alongside some… less desirable things.

He felt his heart swell with joy as her laughter filled the summer air and before he could catch himself, he blurted out the thought that had been weighing in the back of his mind since they had started dating.

“Do you ever think about your future?" 

He felt the scratch of her muggle pen slow, as though pausing in thought.

"I want to grow old and die surrounded with people I love, knowing I lived a long and fulfilling life. You know, typical boring stuff," she replied after a moment's consideration. Her eyes twinkled with more, though Y/N never indulged in half-thought-out plans. 

"What about you?" she questioned with the tip of her head. James didn’t need time to think about it. He had known his answer since that fateful September morning when she had slept on his shoulder throughout the entirety of the train ride.

"I don't care what my future is as long as you're there" he answers truthfully.

Y/N flushed, her ears heated. She looked away, the corners of her lips turning up in the barest hint of a smile.

James freed his hand from her loose grasp, hooking her chin to look back towards him before leaning in to kiss her.

Even after all these months, he relished in the taste of her lips. He doubts he’ll ever be able to get enough of the feeling.

He doubts he’ll ever be able to get enough of her.

-

The sun was setting in the west on a quiet evening, its golden rays shining on the slick skin of two lovers as they untangled themselves from the sheets, unable to hold in their laughter when one got his foot stuck in the knot of their crochet blanket. 

The air hung heavy with the scent of sweat and endorphins as Y/N laid back, her body still bare, not bothering to cover it.

James propped his elbow beside her head, careful not to press on her spread-out hair, his face filled with ecstasy and pure bliss. 

He will never get used to the sight of her in his bed, giggling as the sun reflected off her silky skin. The image of her underneath him is cemented in his mind, permanently lodged there as solid as concrete. He knows now with absolute certainty that there would be no one else for him. 

James’ smile widened further as he nudged his nose into the crook of her neck, leaning in to place a kiss there when his vision blurred.

It was no longer sunset. Rather, the two of them were now enveloped in the dark of night and James is certain he hears the echo of a familiar spell ring off in the distance.

He pulls away from Y/N’s neck. 

She was no longer shaking with laughter, but rather, writhing in pain. There were lacerations all across her torso and James felt something sticky underneath his hands.

They were laying in a pool of her blood.

Panic clawed at his throat and though he had never been averse to the sight of blood, yours was an exception. The taste of bile clung to his tongue. 

“No... No no no no no,” he whispered in disbelief. Swivelling his head, outside the window, he spots a cloaked figure wearing a mask of silver disapparate. 

“No!” 

Grasping for the wand strapped to his side, he murmurs a healing spell, gasping for breath when the wounds remain open. His head was spiralling as Y/N shook her head almost imperceptibly, grabbing at his wrist with a shaking hand.

Carved into her arm was the word “MUDBLOOD” and James felt his vision turn red, suddenly hyper-aware of the blood pumping through his veins.

“James…” she rasped. He gripped her shaking hand.

“Why isn’t it working? Why?” he cried, tears streaming down his face, struggling to breathe.

“Whatever our souls are made of,” she gasped, blood spurting out of her mouth. Her beautiful mouth, the one that tasted of cherries and peppermint, was covered in thick, crimson blood. “you and I are connected.” 

“No! Stop with this rubbish, you’re not going to die!” he sobbed, gripping her bloodied hand like a vice. She continued as though he hadn’t even spoken.

Perhaps she was too far gone to hear him.

“Wh-whatever is beyond this life,” violent ruby coated her mouth as she coughed, blood splattering onto her smooth skin. “Promise me, y-you’ll find me again.”

“I promise,” he cried, sobs racking through his body. 

But she was already gone.

-

James woke with a start, gasping for breath with the taste of blood and “promise” still coating his tongue. He was alone in a house built for two.

In his fitful sleep, he had knocked over the empty bottle of whiskey beside him.

She had hated whiskey.

Had. 

A fresh wave of misery washed over James, adding to the dull pain that never seemed to go away, throbbing through him as naturally as the blood in his veins. It wasn’t enough that she existed still within every corner of their shared home.

Even in his dreams, he is haunted by her memory.

ㄧ

@catching-the-train-to-hogwarts

[watchmegetobsessed]

Flatmates - Harry Styles

i listened to kiwi while writing it so i strongly advise to listen to is while reading as well. without any further ado, i present you this flatmate!harry fic with some steamy smut!

word count: ~9k

warning: smut

masterlist

You were desperate to find a place to live, to say the least. You’ve always had trouble remembering deadlines and important dates, and thanks to this charming trait of yours, you successfully missed the deadline of the college dormitory applications. After a day of solid panic you started looking for cheap apartments, but living off campus seemed to be something only rich people could afford. Rents were ridiculously high and you were certain you couldn’t afford to spend thousands of dollars for a room smaller than your pantry back at home. You watched ad after ad, making calls all day for a week straight, but at the end, you always went to bed with the thought that you’ll have to live under a bridge through the first semester of your freshman year.

It was until a friend of yours, Rita, who was mature enough to apply to the dormitory in time called you with the best news you could receive.

“This friend of my future roomie is looking for a flat mate. You gave me his number, maybe you could give him a call and see if the room is still available. Just tell him Kimberly gave you his number, I’m sure he’ll offer you the room on a nicer price.”

“Oh my God, you just saved my life!” you gasped, almost feeling like crying. “I owe you big time, Rita!”

You called right away, not wanting to waste any time and maybe have the room already rented by then. A deep, male voice answered the call in a soothing British accent.

“Harry Styles,” he said in a calm tone.

“Hey! My name is Y/N and I got your number from Kimberly. I’m looking for a place to live from September and I was told you have a room to rent?”

Harry sounded a little hesitant at first, asked a few questions about you to have a better picture of you, but eventually offered the room. You quickly agreed that you’d be able to move in at the end of August. You were thankful you had one less worry about school finally.

August rolled around the corner faster than you expected and in no time, half your life was packed up into boxes and suitcases as you and your dad drove two hours on a Saturday to get you all settled in your new home. Up until this point, you hadn’t seen Harry just yet. Though you did search up his name, but he was the kind to never post about himself, but mostly about guitars, landscapes and animals. His Instagram was dry, no trait of what he looked like or even the slightest hint about himself. There was only one photo that featured the outline of a guy, which makes it clear that the person was fully naked, no trace of any clothes hanging on his body, but it was completely dark, so nothing could be really seen. However the tag on the figure made you think it wasn’t him, so it didn’t matter. His Facebook seemed even sadder, barely any posts, not even a decent profile picture. You were surprised to see there are people who don’t really use social media, but you didn’t take it as a bad sign. Harry must be a private person and you had nothing against that.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to move in with a guy you’ve never met before?” your dad asks as the two of you are unloading the car in front of the apartment complex. Glancing up you shrug your shoulders with a little excitement, knowing that you are only minutes away from finally seeing the person you are gonna spend your next months living with.

“He sounded like a decent person, and I really don’t have any other choice, dad. Or do you want me to sleep in a park or something?”

“God, no. You really should be more careful about those deadlines next time,” he sighs kissing the top of your head before shutting the back of the car once everything is set on the ground.

“Don’t worry, I already bought a calendar so I can keep better track of everything.”

When you first told your parents that you’d be living with Harry, they didn’t seem to be a fan of the idea, but they realized you weren’t really swimming in options at the moment so they eventually come to peace that their daughter is going to be living with a guy. They didn’t make a big deal out of it, knowing well you were an adult now practically who can make choices for herself.

The two of you manage to bring everything up to the third floor and you ring the doorbell since you don’t have your keys yet. You immediately recognize Harry’s British accent as he calls out a “coming!” from the other side of the door and a few seconds later it opens, revealing him.

Your first thought is that he is tall. Very tall and oh my! How handsome! His green eyes find your gaze and his dimples come out as he smiles at you happily. This man is surely a nice sight, you think to yourself, but you quickly bring yourself back to reality as he takes a look at all the stuff surrounding you.

“Y/N, why didn’t you call me that you were here? I could have helped you!” Taking a step outside he stretches his hand out for your dad. “Nice to meet ya, you must be Mr. Y/L/N. I’m Harry.”

“Nice to meet you,” your dad nods at him shaking his head before Harry grabs a box from the floor himself, holding the door open for you.

“Come on in!”

The three of you quickly bring everything inside from the hallway and you finally have a moment to look around. It’s not a big apartment, but seemingly perfect for two people. Walking in you have a small kitchen on the left and a little dining area on the right with a simple table and four chairs around it. Further inside is the living room, it’s nicely furnished very bright thanks to the large windows across the front door. On the left there’s a door that leads to the bathroom and on the right there’s a small hallway, two doors on each side. The two rooms are exactly the same size, so there was no need to have a discussion about who is getting which room. Not that you were gonna go against Harry when he literally saved your life with letting you stay with him.

The place seems tidy and neat, it’s clear that Harry takes good care of his home and that is for sure a relief.

Your room has a double bed, a desk with a chair, a dresser and a built in little closet. Everything is white or a light beige color, nothing extreme and you already have plans about how you want to decorate it to make it cozier.

“I left two shelves free for you out of the three. I have a few hair products, but I figured you’d need more space,” Harry tells you when you put a smaller box into the bathroom that has all your toiletries.

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” you smile at him.

Your dad sticks around a little longer helping you unpack some of the bigger boxes, then you walk him down to his car before he leaves.

“Please call your mother often. You know how much she worries about you,” he asks as he pulls you into a quick hug.

“Will do.”

“And call us anytime you need help. Two hours is not that far away, I can always come and get you.”

“I’ll be alright, dad, but thank you.”

You watch him climb into the car and he rolls down the windows waving in your way as he leaves from the parking lot. You stand there until he disappears on the corner and then go back up to your apartment.

Harry is sitting in the living room when you get back, some quiet music playing from the Bluetooth speaker as he reads a book. He glances up at you and you flash him a smile closing the door behind you.

“Your dad seemed quite okay with you living with a guy.”

“He had time to get used to it. They’re not that strict though.”

“That’s cool. I was thinking, maybe we could order some food when you’re done unpacking and just get to know each other a little more.”

“That sounds great!” you smile, but can’t ignore how fast your heart is beating in your chest. Harry surely has an effect on you that you’ll need to gain control over if you don’t want to make living together hard for yourself.

It takes quite some time to unpack everything and find the right place for your stuff, you don’t even finish by the time the food arrives so you decide to leave the rest for tomorrow.

The Chinese food is all set on the table when you walk out and Harry is getting two plates for the two of you.

“Settled in?” he asks as you take one of the chairs and he sits across you.

“Not fully, but I’m getting there,” you chuckle as he hands you your order. “Thank you.”

You talk over the food, just getting to know each other and you finally get a better picture of Harry. It’s his third year of college, he is studying music and pedagogy, intending to one day use music as a helping tool for kids who have learning difficulties. He is a big fan of collecting vinyls and quite passionate about trashy rom coms.

“Really?” you chuckle when he mentions how his Netflix queue is filled with romantic movies.

“Guilty pleasure,” he nods smirking.

You tell a little about yourself too and he seems genuinely interested, which feels nice. You would have hated if he found your interests boring and negligible, but that’s not the case.

“How come you couldn’t find a roommate for so long?” you ask the question that’s been in the back of your mind for quite a while now. Both of you are done eating and you’re cleaning up the table.

Nothing really stood out about Harry just yet, it’s quite a mystery for you why he couldn’t find someone to live with him.

“Well, you could say I’m a little picky in this field. Lived with my best mate first year, and though I absolutely love him, he was horrible to live with. Felt like his personal maid the whole time. When Niall moved in with his girlfriend and I had to move on my own I promised myself I would choose carefully. Lived with a PhD student last year, he was pretty great, but he moved out when he graduated, and I couldn’t really find someone I liked since then.”

“Glad I passed then,” you chuckle as you take the dishes and start washing them while Harry stands next to you, leaning against the edge of the counter.

“You seemed like a decent person to live with, I hope I won’t be wrong about that,” he chuckles, but you can tell he is still a little scared you might turn out to be a total asshole.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be too much trouble. I’m quiet like a mouse and clean up after myself.”

“That’s all that matters,” he smiles. “Alright, I have some things to finish, I’ll be in my room if you need help with anything.”

“Thank you, Harry.”

He waves in your way before disappearing in his bedroom.

You spend most of your Sunday unpacking what was left and running errands, buying groceries so you don’t have to go to the store every other day during the week. You occasionally meet Harry in the kitchen or the living room, but you both just do your own thing and it’s totally fine by you.

School starts quiet smoothly, Harry was kind enough to give you a rundown of where you’ll find your lecture halls so you don’t really get lost around campus, easily finding your way.

Friday afternoon you and Rita are sitting at a café near campus to discuss the first week of school. You don’t have any classes together, so only grabbed lunch two times all week, but didn’t have more than twenty minutes together before one of you had to run to a class. Now you are both comfortably sat in a booth with two cappuccinos and plenty of time to talk.

“So, how is living with Harry?” she curiously asks.

“He is great! Though we don’t meet that much. He has a band so he has practice three times a week, spends the rest of his time at home reading or watching TV.”

You ate dinner together twice this week, but you haven’t really had the courage to join him in the living room when he was watching TV. It sounds stupid but you figured maybe it would bother him if you were out there with him. And since he didn’t invite you either, you just stayed in your room mostly.

“Kimberly told me he is hot, is that true?” she asks with a smirk as she takes a sip from her hot drink. You immediately feel your cheeks heating up.

“Well, he surely is a good looking guy,” you breathe out.

“Lucky you! There’s not much of those in an all girls dorm,” she pouts and you chuckle. “So are you gonna make a move on him?”

“That’s not gonna happen,” you shake your head laughing.

“Why not?”

“Because we live together and if he rejects me that would be so awkward for the rest of our time living together.”

“But you can’t know for sure if he would reject,” she points out, but she can’t bring up one thing that would change your mind.

“It’s better not to take the odds. I don’t want to end up on the street.”

 As the days go by, things start to get busier in your everydays. Assignments and papers start to pile up so you have to start working on them if you don’t want to leave everything to the last moment. You become a regular in the library, the atmosphere is great for you to get into the flow and get a lot of work done.

It seems like Harry is in the same shoe, he is often in and out of the apartment, sometimes only spends home just a couple of minutes before he leaves again. However they slowly get accustomed to each other, learn the ways the other likes things and work up a schedule for things. Harry learns that Y/N likes to take a shower twice a day and washes her hair usually on Wednesdays and Sundays, so he doesn’t try to take too much time in the bathroom on those days. He also notices how she doesn’t have time to wash the dishes after herself on Thursdays when she just runs home to have a quick bite before she has to leave for another lecture, so they came to a silent agreement where Harry cleans up after her on Thursdays while she takes up on the dishes on Saturday when Harry leaves to band practice at eight.

They work well together and soon enough all of Harry’s doubts about Y/N fade into nothing and he realizes he has made the right choice with her.

Usually she stays at the library until seven on Mondays, but this week they are closing early because they are rearranging a whole department, so Y/N leaves a little after five. She pays a quick trip to the grocery store before she heads home. Opening up the door she immediately hears the music playing, one of Harry’s vinyls is twirling around in the record player and she hears the water running in the bathroom. Setting her bags on the counter she starts unpacking the groceries.

The music and the running water pushed the sound of her arriving down, Harry didn't realize that you were home early when he opens the bathroom door, singing to himself wearing absolutely nothing as he wants to go and grab a pair of clean underwear, but he is shocked to see you standing in the kitchen.

“Shit!” he snaps, hands immediately flying to cover himself as he sprints back to the bathroom quickly grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist.

Your cheeks are heating up immediately even though you didn’t see anything you weren’t supposed to, the counter top covered him just right above the critical line, but it’s the first time you’ve seen his upper body completely naked.

Even though it was just a spit second, the sight of his many tattoos and the defined V-line leading down to his crotch burned straight into your mind, leaving you flustered and shy all of a sudden.

“Sorry! I should have let you know I was coming home early!” you call out turning around, as if he was about to walk out naked again. Harry chuckles lightly as he returns, this time a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Don’t be silly, you don’t have to check in when you come home. It was my fault, I shouldn’t just walk around naked assuming you wouldn’t be home.”

You should, you think to yourself gulping as you turn around and dare to look at him again. You don’t see less than just a few seconds ago, his chest is glistening from the dampness, his curls are still wet and you are having a hard time not to stare at the tattoos on his lower stomach, so you busy yourself with the rest of your groceries as he walks into his room and returns in a pair of sweats and a white t-shirt.

“Any plans for the weekend?” he asks disappearing in the bathroom, but he leaves the door open and you hear him shuffle around, probably fixing up his hair. He uses some kind of mousse that keeps his curls perfectly and also happens to smell like mango and some kind of citrus.

“Um, not really.”

“We’re playing at this bar with the band, wanna come and watch us?” Walking out of the bathroom he switches the light off before walking to the couch and opening up his Netflix account on the TV. His invitation surprises you, but it also feels nice he wants you there.

“Oh, sounds fun! Can I bring someone?”

“Of course! I can have a table reserved for you, if you’d like,” he smiles at you before turning his attention to the screen.

“That would be great, thanks.”

You feel like after your little encounter it’s probably not the best day to join him at the TV, especially because you can’t stop yourself from blushing every time you look at him. The sight of his naked torso pops up in your mind every time and there’s no way you can just casually sit on the couch with him without your body lighting up on fire.

 Rita is excited when you tell her about the invitation, you don’t even have to convince her to go with you since she is dying to finally meet Harry. When he leaves in the early afternoon on Saturday he assures you that there’s gonna be a table reserved under your name, and off he goes to practice, leaving you alone for the rest of the day since he tells you he won’t be back before the concert tonight. Rita comes over around six and the two of you get ready together.

“You have to wear something spicy,” she wiggles her eyebrows at you while you sit at your desk applying mascara to your lashes.

“I don’t want to overdress, it’s just a bar.”

“Yeah, but Harry invited you. I bet he wants you to see him play.”

“Of course he wants, why else would he invite me?” you ask with furrowed eyebrows.

“You don’t get it,” she chuckles turning to you, hands on her hips. “He wants you to see him play because it feeds his ego. Maybe even turns him on.”

“Stop acting like there is anything between us. We are flatmates and that’s all.”

“I think he wants to be more, you’re just too pussy to make a move yourself,” she shrugs turning back to your closet.

“Stop calling me a pussy for not wanting to make it awkward for the two of us to live together. I’m pretty sure Harry doesn’t see me as anything more than just the person he lives with.”

“Then we have to change that. And I think this is the perfect dress for that.”

Rita pulls out a little black dress you bought about a year ago, but never really got around to wear it. It’s so tight, pushes your tits up way too much for your liking, you’re not even sure why you bought it in the first place.

“I’m not wearing that,” you shake your head.

“Are you afraid he might get a boner from you in it?”

“Rita!” you snap at her, but she just chuckles.

“Look, if you’re so sure he doesn’t want you like that, why does it matter what you wear?”

She has a point. It’s not like this dress will change anything and it would be nice to wear at least once in your life this stupid dress if you bought it.

Grabbing it from her hands you throw it to the bed and start undressing as she claps in victory.

You remembered right, the dress leaves close to nothing to the imagination when it comes to your figure. The fabric hugs your figure tightly, and you put on a lacy bralette that peeks out at the top of the dress, kind of covering some more from your skin, since the dress doesn’t do much in that field itself. Rita tries to convince you not to take a jacket, but you throw your denim jacket on, feeling the need to have something give you the slightest sense of being covered.

You arrive at the bar twenty minutes before the concert starts and it’s a good thing Harry reserved a table for you, because the place is packed. You’re not sure if it’s because of them or it’s just a regular Saturday evening.

The little stage is all set up, but you see no sign of Harry anywhere as the two of you settle at your table with a drink. Luckily, the bartender did not ask for an ID, he was too busy looking at your chest. At least there’s one good thing in this dress.

The drum set at the back has the name of the band on it and you smile reading it. The word ‘Stylish’ is printed on it with bold blue letters, referring to Harry’s last name, who is most likely the front man of the band.

The place is buzzing and the two of you enjoy being out at a bar concert. When the lights go down you finally spot him walking out of the back followed by a guy and two girls.

“Welcome, folks,” he greets the audience, his accent filling up the place over the chatters. A round of cheering answers him, making him smile. “Thank you for coming out tonight, we hope to entertain you in the next hour. Our name is Stylish and now let’s get down to business,” he smirks and just as he takes a step back from the mic, the band starts playing. Harry grabs a guitar himself before stepping back to the mic and then he starts singing.

They play a mixture of covers and original songs, the transition between them is so smooth you sometimes forget it’s a whole different song that’s playing. Harry is clearly enjoying the spotlight, his presence on the stage is so natural and capturing, you often catch yourself forgetting about the rest of the band.

One song follows the other and you don’t even realize how fast this hour passes by. Harry sometimes stops in-between songs, entertaining the audience with small jokes and just casually interacting with them.

“Our last song is up next, so let me take a moment to introduce the band,” Harry speaks into the mic while softly playing the guitar so it’s not completely quiet as he talks. “At the drums, the amazing and talented Sarah Jones!”

A round of applause fills the bar as Sara waves around smiling widely, before Harry moves on to the next member.

“Playing the piano, the wonderful Charlotte Clark!”

Charlotte plays a short melody on the keys matching up with what Harry has been playing, before she also waves at the audience.

“The guy who is a way better guitarist than me, Mitch Rowland.”

Harry’s comment makes the audience laugh and Mitch just nods shyly, a smile pulling on his lips under his mustache.

“And this handsome Brit who sometimes acts like a comedian,” Sarah starts leaning closer to her mic. “Harry Styles.”

It’s no surprise that Harry gets the biggest cheering and he smirks sweetly, his fingers still strumming on the guitar. The clapping and screaming slowly dies down and as Harry steps back to his mic they start the last song.

It’s quite an upbeat, funky song, you just can’t resist dancing around on your chair and seemingly Rita is enjoying herself as well, cheering with her beer in her hand. The song comes to an end and they all line up at the front of the stage bowing down together as the whole bar cheers on them as one person.

“Woah, this was… something else,” Rita breathes out once they disappear at the back and chatter fills up the place once again and the lights come back.

“They smashed it!” you nod in agreement. You figured they are good if they get asked to perform, but this was way beyond what you were expecting.

Looking around you are hoping to see Harry somewhere, but they must be celebrating somewhere at the back. Maybe he won’t even come out, you think to yourself as you finish up your beer.

“I’ll get us another round,” you tell Rita as you make your way to the bar.

There are quite a few people waiting to be served, so you squeeze yourself into the crowd and hope to get to the front soon.

“So how did you like it?”

You jump in surprise when you hear Harry’s voice coming from behind you, and turning around you see how close he is standing to you.

“Hi! I didn’t even see you sneak up on me,” you chuckle making him smile as he squeezes himself next to you. The two of you finally reach the front, but the bartender is serving someone a little on the left so you have to wait. “I loved it, you were like a proper rockstar up there!”

“Thanks,” he chuckles and his dimples show up on his cheeks. The bartender finally gets to you and Harry is quick to order for the both of you. “’S probably better if I place the order since you’re not twenty one just yet.”

“Didn’t have any problem ordering the first time,” you smirk smugly and Harry raises his eyebrows at you before his eyes wander down your body for a second.

“I bet you didn’t in this dress.”

Suddenly, you’re very aware of how daring your outfit looks, so out of reflex, you pull your jacket tighter on yourself, Harry’s smile quickly fades as he realizes that he made you uncomfortable with his comment.

“I meant that you look really pretty. Definitely makes you appear a little older though.”

“My friend wanted me to wear it, I would have been fine with something else,” you admit as the bartender places your order in front of you and Harry pays for the whole thing.

“Glad she convinced you,” he grins down at you and you can feel your cheeks heating up once again.

He helps you carry the drinks to the table and Rita quickly puts her phone away when she sees who you are returning with.

“Harry, this is my friend, Rita. Rita, this is Harry,” you introduce them and Harry shakes her head smiling.

“Nice to meet you,” he nods kindly.

“Oh, same goes for you,” Rita smirks and you roll your eyes at her.

“I’ll go get the rest of the band, do you mind if we join you guys here? There are no empty tables.”

“Sure,” you nod smiling before the crowd swallows Harry.

“For fuck’s sake, you have to make a move on him, Y/N!” Rita turns to you as soon as he is gone.

“Would you stop?” you chuckle.

“No! This dude is so hot I forget my name when I look at him! And you live with him! You can’t miss this chance, Y/N.”

“I’m not missing anything. We live together, it’s not worth it.”

“Not missing anything?” Rita looks at you as if you were mental. “You are literally missing everything!”

“I’m done with this conversation,” you tell him just when Harry appears again, this time with two of his bandmates, Sarah and Mitch are following him smiling, hand in hand.

“Charlotte had to leave early, but this is Sarah and Mitch,” Harry introduces them as they join the two of you at the table. “And this is my flatmate, Y/N and her friend Rita.”

You all shake hands as Harry sorts out the extra beers he has ordered so everyone has a drink on their hand.

It’s no surprise, but Sarah and Mitch prove themselves to be just as cool as they seemed up on the stage. And the best thing is that they don’t shy away from sharing funny stories that include Harry.

“So have you been looking for a new place to stay, Y/N?” Mitch jokes. “I’m sure you’ve had enough of Harry by now.”

“Very funny,” Harry laughs at his bandmate’s comment.

“To be honest it’s pretty fine so far. He is a pleasant person to share your home with,” you say with a soft chuckle.

“What’s one thing you hate about living with him?” Sarah asks and Harry pretends to be hurt over the question.

“Who said there’s anything she hates?”

“Shush, I was asking her!” she hushes at him making you laugh.

“I really can’t point out anything in particular. Maybe he has been very careful, luring me into believing that he is the perfect flatmate so I get stuck with him.”

You stay for a while, just chatting and having a good time until the bar starts to empty out and you decide it’s better if you head home as well.

“We have to take care of the equipment, are you leaving or do you want to wait for me?” Harry asks you.

“We’ll just call an Uber, don’t worry about it,” you smile at him.

“Alright, see you at home.”

You say goodbye to Sarah and Mitch and part your ways with them as you and Rite head outside.

“I hope you noticed how Harry was looking at you,” Rita smirks at you when the two of you are sitting at the back of the Uber.

“What are you talking about?” you sigh leaning your head against the seat.

“I caught him staring at you quite a few times.”

“He was just probably looking at me when I was talking. Don’t try to talk something into it that’s not true.”

“Alright, I’ll stop,” she replies holding up her hands. “But I still think you are missing out on some amazing dick.”

You awkwardly glance at the driver who is hearing everything you say, but Rita seemingly doesn’t mind that you’re not alone.

“You know what? We should give Tinder a try.”

“What? Why?”

“If you don’t want to make a move on your hot flatmate, we need to get some satisfaction from others.”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“Oh, you are not,” she chuckles. “But you will be when you match with the hottest guys on campus.”

You let Rita believe that she convinced you to sign up for Tinder, but you get out of the car with the intention of never downloading the app, like ever.

Walking into the apartment you grab a clean, oversized t-shirt and a pair of panties since your sleeping shorts are all dirty, but you were planning to do the laundry tomorrow. You decide it’s not a big deal and the shirt will probably cover enough of your body.

You take a quick shower to get off the thick smell of the bar that’s stuck on your skin, taking your time moisturizing yourself once you’re done. When you get dressed you see that the shirt does cover your bum, but if you lifted your arms up it surely shows a big portion of your ass, so you’ll have to be careful if Harry arrives.

You’re lounging on the couch watching a rerun of House M.D. and scrolling through your phone when Harry arrives.

“Hey there, rockstar!” you greet him teasingly and he just chuckles shyly.

“Is it gonna be my new nickname?”

“Well, you really were one tonight, so I think yes,” you nod making him laugh. Walking further inside his eyes stop on your bare legs and he is quick to notice that you’re not wearing any pants, like you usually do. You immediately tug on the end of the shirt to cover more of your skin, but it’s not really working.

“Ehm, I’ll go and take a quick shower,” he informs you before disappearing in his room first and then rushing into the bathroom.

Looking down at your attire you decide it’ll be better if you threw on some sweats. Harry clearly got a little uncomfortable seeing you so bare, so it’s better to cover up. You’ll just take them off when you go to bed.

Harry doesn’t take too long in there, and when he joins you on the couch you are pretty sure he took a cold shower since no steam followed him when he left the bathroom. His eyes flicker to your now covered legs, but he doesn’t say anything, just makes himself comfortable next to you.

“You like it?” he asks nodding at the TV.

“Yeah, he is such an asshole, but it’s funny,” you huff. “Hey, I took a few pictures tonight. Wanna see if you like any of them?”

“Sure,” he nods pushing himself up a little as you unlock your phone and show him the photos you took of him and the band while performing.

Some of them ended up really cool, you were able to catch the lights and their movements just the right way, especially one stands out where he was holding out a note, basically screaming into the mic, he really looks like a rockstar on that one.

“Can you send me this one?”

“Done,” you smile at him and glancing over you see that he opens the Instagram app on his phone. You watch him crop and adjust it a little bit, then tag his bandmates and finally, he posts it.

“Wow, this is the first picture on your page with you actually on it,” you tease him.

“So you’ve been stalking my profile?” he smirks at you.

“I wanted to check you out before I moved in, but your social media was no help in that.”

“Yeah, I’m not a fan of posting that much, but this was a cool picture.”

“It’s an honor to know that I took the first one featuring you.”

“Actually, this is the second one, but it is the first one where my face is visible,” Harry tells you before turning his attention back to the TV, but the gears start to turn wildly in your mind, trying to remember which picture could be the other one.

Later, when you’re lying in your bed with your door closed, you pull up his profile and stat scrolling down. Most of the pictures fall out, because they have absolutely no trace of any human being on them. But then you stop at the one that features a black silhouette of a man, the one you thought wasn’t him.

Opening up you tap on the tag and see that it leads to Mitch’s profile, but now that you’ve met him, you’re pretty sure it’s not him in the picture. So you take a closer look and as you go over the small details, like the line of his neck, how wide his shoulders are and the untamed curls, you soon realize that it is indeed Harry in the photo.

You push down a moan when realization sets in, because that means that you’re staring at the naked silhouette of Harry and it immediately starts a fire between your legs.

“Jesus,” you whisper as you let yourself stare at the photo a little longer. You weren’t expecting it, but it’s surely making you feel some kind of way.

Locking your phone you throw it to your nightstand before you bury your head into your pillow. You have to press your thighs together quite tightly to make the throbbing sensation stop so you can finally fall asleep. Well, it takes some time before that happens and it’s quite torturous.

  Unlike how you planned, Rita finally gets you to download Tinder and give it a try. She helps you set up your profile, and though at first it feels incredibly awkward, you slowly adjust to being out there on the virtual market.

You start swiping left and right whenever you are bored during classes or you’re having a break from studying. Your matches start to pile up and soon enough you start getting messages as well. You reply to the ones you like or find funny and creative, giving them a chance, but not many end up going too far. Somehow the conversations always die down and you lose interest in the person.

Only one guy gets as far as asking you out and getting a yes as an answer. Jordan is a physics major and seemed like a nice and funny guy through the messages, good-looking too, so you decided to give it a go.

So Friday evening you dolled yourself up, put on a nice blouse with your favorite skinny jeans and black heels, ready to head out to your first ever Tinder date.

As you walk out of your room you find Harry in the kitchen in his basketball shorts and a simple black t-shirt making himself a cup of tea. The shorts are hanging low on his waist and as he reaches up to get the hones from the cupboard you get a glimpse of the soft skin on his lower waist. You quickly look away before you could have any further thoughts about what else is under the waistband of his shorts.

“Oh, where are you heading all dressed up?” he asks, eyebrows raised.

“I actually have a date,” you admit nervously as you grab your keys and put it away in your purse.

“Lucky guy,” he smiles and you can feel your cheeks heating up again. There’s just something in the way he compliments you, it makes your knees go jelly.

“Thanks. I’ll see you later? I’m not sure when I’ll be back,” you tell him grabbing your jacket from the hanger next to the front door.

“Have fun,” he nods before you walk out.

 Jordan proves himself to be quite frankly the same guy you got to know through messages. He takes you to this Mexican themed bar and you are just chatting over some exciting looking cocktails, but you find yourself zoning out sometimes.

What is Harry doing right now? Is he staying at home? I should have asked if he had any plans. Maybe he is hooking up with someone right now.

You find yourself thinking about way more than you probably should and it’s making you lose your shit. So maybe this is why, or because Rita told you to just go with the flow, but when Jordan asks if you want to go up to his place you say yes.

It’s as awkward and bad as you were expecting, unfortunately. There’s a reason why you don’t hook up with every random guy you go out with once. You are totally on different pages, but when you are lying under him on his bed, you just know there’s no way out.

It’s not that he forces you, because you’re sure he would have stopped if you asked, but it would be so awkward to just walk out because you weren’t feeling the vibe. So at least one of you should enjoy it.

You should deserve an Oscar for that orgasm you fake, it’s so believable. Jordan doesn’t seem to notice that you felt absolutely nothing, just frustration and impatience, he tries to make you stay the night, but you save yourself with a lie that you have to wake up early in the morning so it’s best if you head home.

Your frustration just grows on your way home. You were really hoping to get laid tonight, so maybe that could stop you from fantasizing about Harry, because your thoughts have been wild since you found out that he is the one on that Instagram picture. It doesn’t help that he has been walking around shirtless quite a lot.

Shameful or not, you even touched yourself once thinking about him. You were home alone after a particularly boring day so you thought you’d just get yourself off. Before you could realize where your thoughts have wandered, you were moaning his name as you came hard. You couldn’t look into his eyes that day when he came home, he probably thought you were nuts, basically running away from him.

It’s almost midnight when you get back home, you were expecting Harry to be asleep by now since he has band practice in the morning, but you are surprised to see light coming from his room. As you close the front door, kicking your heels off he walks out, of course, without a shirt, his glorious body on full display.

“Hey, how was your date?” he asks as you step to the fridge to get yourself something to drink. You’ve been so damn thirsty since Jordan was… done with you, you could have asked for some water at least, but you just wanted to leave as fast as possible.

“Ugh, don’t even ask,” you whine, leaning against the counter.

“That bad?”

“Worse,” you roll your eyes and Harry chuckles softly.

“Come on, it couldn’t be that bad if you came home so late.”

“Well, it did start off nice, but I shouldn’t have said yes when he asked if I wanted to go to his place.”

“Oh.”

“Worst sex of my life, I wanted out the moment we arrived, to be honest,” you honestly say, feeling a little weird that you’re talking to Harry about it, but you just want to get it off your chest.

“Then why didn’t you just leave?”

“Dunno, I just… I was hoping for just a little satisfaction, but I guess I asked for too much,” you sigh finishing up your water and you walk past him with the intention to grab your pajamas and have a shower that would wash away the happenings of the night, but Harry’s voice stops you.

“Not everything is lost just yet.” Turning around you give him a puzzled look.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He bites into his bottom lip and lets his eyes travel down your body, his intent gaze sends a shiver down your spine. When his eyes return to your gaze your heart is wildly beating against your chest.

“I mean that… I can make you feel good, if you want.”

Your mouth hangs open and your eyebrows shoot up at the blunt offer he just made. At first you’re not even sure you heard him right, but as you replay his words you realize that you indeed heard him crystal clear.

“Are you messing with me right now?” you ask, feeling like it’s all just a joke. He did not just offer to satisfy you because you complained to him about how bad your date was.

Harry takes a few steps closer to you, a small smirk tugging on his lips.

“Not really. You want to get off and I would love to be the one to help you with it.”

“But… we live together,” you say and realize how stupid this just sounded, but you hope he gets what you were trying to say.

“So? Does that mean we can’t fuck?”

The way he said that makes your legs go weak for sure. You’ve been fantasizing about things similar to this, but those were nowhere near to actually hear him propose the idea of fucking.

“But… it’ll be weird, won’t it?”

“Only if we make it.”

He walks closer, closing the distance between the two of you and he cups your cheek in his hand as his eyes flicker down to your lips.

“Harry…” you breathe out, but you already know you gave in. There’s no way you can say him no, not after weeks of dreaming about the exact same thing.

“Just stop thinking,” he tells you before pressing his lips against yours.

He kisses you hard and you gladly let his tongue push into your mouth within a second, kissing him back with the same passion. You wrap your arms around his neck as his hands travel down on your sides until they reach your ass and they give it a bold squeeze, making you moan into his lips. You feel him grin as his hands move over to your thighs and he urges you to jump and so you do, wrapping your legs around his waist.

Though you keep your eyes closed, kissing him hard, you can tell he brings you to the couch, laying you down to your back, holding himself up above you. He starts kissing down your jawline and neck, sucking and biting on the sensitive skin. His hands grab the hem of your shirt and you lift yourself up a bit so he can pull it off, throwing it away to somewhere behind the couch. While his lips are sucking on your breasts wherever they are bulging out from the lacy bra, his hands work fast on your jeans, undoing the button and the zipper, tugging them down until you can just kick them right off.

“Matching set? You were really counting on having a good time tonight,” he mumbles against your tummy as he kisses his way down on your body.

His right hand reaches up and cups your breast before it slides under you and easily unclasps your bra. You quickly slide the straps off and throw it to the side, so now you are lying under him only in your panties, whimpering and panting at every kiss he leaves on your body.

“What do you want, Y/N?” he hums glancing up at you, sitting between your legs as he slides just one finger over your soaking wet panties, running it along your throbbing center.

“Fuck, I want you,” you breathe out.

“How exactly do you want me?”

“Jesus, just eat me out, Harry!” you shamelessly moan and he smugly smirks before he hooks his fingers into your panties and pulls them down, throwing it to the ground.

Now you’re lying completely naked in front of him, and he pushes your knees farther apart, looking down at you with lustful eyes.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do this,” he growls as he gets closer and without a warning, he licks into you.

You moan in sensation as he starts sucking on your clit, his tongue working perfectly against your bud. Your hands find their way into his hair and you grab a handful of it in each. Oh, how many times you’ve thought about doing this!

“Harry!” you cry out when you feel him push a finger into you, slowly pumping it in and out a few times before he adds another to it. He quickly picks up his pace as he keeps sucking on your clit, getting you closer to your orgasm with every lick.

“Fuck, I’m so close!” you moan, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you struggle to even breathe.

“Cum for me, baby,” he mumbles against your wet clit and just a few more pumps later you came, screaming his name.

“Fucking hell, Harry!” you breathe out when he climbs up on you smirking.

“You think you can handle another one?” he asks, pecking your lips softly. Looking down you see how hard he is and even if you were on the verge of dying you would have said yes. There’s no way you let him get up from this couch unsatisfied after the orgasm he just gave you.

Instead of saying anything, you push on him until he is sitting on the couch and you have your knees on his sides.

“I think you are a little overdressed, aren’t you?” you ask teasingly as you bring a hand down to his erection, cupping it through his shorts and underwear.

Harry cranes his neck so his lips could meet yours again as he lifts his hips up, pushing his shorts down along with his boxers. You sit back down to his lap and his erection presses against your wet folds making you moan into his mouth.

“Do you want me to suck you off?” you ask breathlessly, but Harry shakes his head.

“I would last, I just want to fuck you,” he growls and you swear to God that was the hottest thing you’ve ever heard.

“Condom, we need a condom,” you tell him, still kissing his lips.

You get off him and he quickly runs into his room, shortly returning with a condom between his teeth. He rips the package on his way and falls back to the couch, rolling it on carefully. When he is done you swing your leg over him and get on top again, holding onto his broad shoulders. He grabs the base of his cock and lines himself up to your center and you give yourself a moment to admire his naked beauty right in front of you.

You look into his sparkling eyes and leaning down you kiss him hard as you slowly ease down to his length, his cock slowly filling you up fully.

“Oh fuck!” he moans at the feeling of you around him. His fingers dig deep into your waist as you stay still for a few moments, adjusting to his length. “You alright?” he asks breathlessly. Your eyes meet his and you nod a little before you start moving.

It takes a few moments to find the right pace and get yourself comfortable, but when you finally do, you just can’t stop. His hands are on your ass as he guides your hips a little and you feel the rings on his fingers against your heated skin. He buries his face into your neck nibbling and kissing on the soft skin wherever he reaches.

“Fuck, you look so fucking hot, Y/N,” he grunts when you let your head fall back, feeling your orgasm slowly building up again.

“Harry, I’m gonna cum again,” you pant, picking up a faster pace, desperate for release.

“Cum for me, baby. Let me make you feel good!” he moans wrapping his arms around you as he holds you still, stopping you from moving, but instead he starts thrusting into you, his cock buries so deep into your pussy, your eyes roll back into your head from the feeling.

“Yes! Don’t fucking stop!” you scream as he keeps fucking you hard.

It doesn’t take too long until you fall completely apart and cum again, your legs basically turning into jelly. Just a few thrusts later Harry cums as well, thrusting deep into you a few more times as he moans into your neck.

You lie completely numb on him, his fingers gently stroking your naked back as you try to come back to reality. When you lean back and your eyes meet again you are still speechless.

“I’ve literally wanted it since the day you walked into this place,” he admits with a soft chuckle.

“Really?” you giggle shyly.

“Oh, really. Seeing you around, sometimes without a bra under your shirt completely killed me most of the time.”

Your cheeks are heating up, you didn’t think he noticed when you weren’t wearing a bra.

“Don’t be so shy, you have amazing tits, you are not allowed to wear a bra anymore around here,” he teases you grinning as you laugh and leaning down you kiss him shortly.

“I had quite a few fantasies about you too,” you admit making him raise his eyebrows.

“Really?”

“Mhm, especially after you walked out of the bathroom naked, even though I didn’t even see your dick then.”

Harry chuckles lightly as he pushes his hair back from his forehead, resting his head against the back of the couch.

“So…” you shyly start, ”what now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that… we live together and we just fucked. What does this mean for the future?”

“Well, I thought that next time we could do it the right way. I could take you out on a proper date, and then fuck you on the kitchen counter.”

You laugh at how blunt he is, but you love the idea he just proposed.

“Okay. Sounds fine by me.”