#just a general update

[zorlok-if]

Hi everybody,

It's been a while. Sorry that I've been gone so long without explanation or communication, I've been in a bad place. For more info check under the cut. Otherwise, hello! I'm alive and so is this project. Progress has been stalled and will continue to be stalled because this is a hobby and I have to focus on priorities. That doesn't mean that it's dead. I still intend to release everything when I can. I appreciate your support and interest.

Hope you're all well! 😊

Albie

(cw: discussion of bad mental health, anxiety, and depression; school shooting mention)

Okay, hello! Welcome to the rest of this post.

Basically, I've been in a bad mental place for a long time and have a lot of issues that I've left unaddressed or festering—most of which tie back to depression, anxiety, fear, and self-loathing.

To start, I wasn't able to graduate this past winter because I fell one class short of my requirements. That really sent me into a spiral and put a strain on my interpersonal relationships.

Then I tried to take that last class this spring but fear related to recent school shootings exacerbated and activated some bad ND habits and I won't be able to complete this course. That means I still won't be able to graduate until I find some online equivalent or professor who will allow me to remain fully remote.

Around the time I found out I wouldn't be graduating, I also got some really cruel anon hate which added onto how I was already feeling and made me hesitant to put anything else out online.

Other things have happened: family stuff, work stuff, health stuff, sociopolitical stuff, etc. (I don't want to go into details with some and won't burden you with the rest). But, essentially, I found myself at a darker place than normal. I withdrew into myself and have been stewing in crippling self-loathing while wearing a convincing smile in my everyday life. (being really honest with this stuff so that if anyone else is going through/experienced something like this they can know they're not alone)

Fortunately, I was able to get away for a bit and spent some time with loved ones I rarely get to see. I've also made a few irl friends recently and feel like I'm coming back out of my shell and starting to heal after traumatic events and relationships. For the first time in a long time, I feel invigorated. I mean, I still feel like stinking trash, but garbage with a will to live and better itself.

As of right now, I'm moving out and finding more work so I can better support myself financially.

If you've read all this going, where's the Zorlok/(other game) update? Here you go: I've been working on Zorlok somewhat, but in the situation/place where I was at, found myself unable to justify dedicating a lot of time to writing and struggling to feel confident about what I was creating when I actually did sit down to do so. This project is in no way dead and I want to work on it and release games more than anything, but I owe it to myself and other people in my life to keep my priorities in check.

This is a hobby and in the past I dedicated time to it when I should've been doing other things. As long as this is a hobby, I can no longer take time away from my priorities to do something I just want to do (no matter how badly I want to do it). So, that's where we're at. I'm continuing to focus on critical things and stop feeling like a jerk for doing that. I know that this might disappoint some people, but that's how things are right now.

If you want to know more about where things are literally at: I'm close to finishing a heavily updated and expanded prologue but episode one has been undergoing changes. I feel pretty shit about myself and that's seeped into my view on what I create which is in turn stalling my ability to make meaningful progress that I don't immediately want to destroy. I've worked on potential Patreon content (including an exclusive game and a Creating Goncharov director's cut), made a Twine template and tutorial, and made progress on updates for Mousetrap and System Processing. I've avoided making changes to the Zorlok page (and my other itch.io pages) these past few months since I don't want people getting their hopes up seeing some sort of "update" from itch.io—only for that update to be "there's no game update yet." That's why those are still out of date, but I'll be fixing them as soon as I can.

So, that's where we are. I wish that I had way more to talk about and release, but that's not been a possibility and I'm just going to be upfront and honest—even if I am disappointed and somewhat afraid and ashamed to admit it. (that's it for the game updates, the rest just gets back to personal)

In general, I've always struggled with shame and fear and those are the main culprits for why I've been radio silent until now. I couldn't find a way to address these topics or talk about them without my odious inner critic getting triggered and shutting me down. However, I'm trying my best to not listen to that asshole because this (*gestures at everything*) must stop.

To be honest, I'm not content with prolonged existence anymore. I want to live—and that's more than I've been able to say for a long time. To be perfectly honest, for the past decade or so I've lived simply because others wanted me around, not because I wanted to be here. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of indifference being my best hope for how I feel about myself. I'm tired of forcing an apathetic soul to drag my flesh through the muck of living. I don't expect what I experience to improve, in fact things will definitely be getting tougher, but I want to change how I experience it. I want to actively live rather than passively slip by. I want to answer questions like "what do you want to do with your life?" and "what are your plans?" with more than vague shrugs and dead-hearted replies meant to brush people off the topic of the future. I want to stop passing through life as a ghost.

I'm still trying to find the motivation, purpose, or courage to genuinely live for myself instead of existing for other people. I still haven't found my "spark"—that properly and blissfully selfish reason to live—but I think wanting to search is a good start.

Anyways, I'll be around more and I'll be more honest with where I am and what's going on. It's my personal mission to deny fear's control over my life and actions. Part of that means allowing myself to be more open with people even if I'm afraid of judgment or negativity.

Excluding a few outliers, you've all been exceptionally kind and encouraging. I'm always overwhelmed and astonished with the support that's been shown to me and my creative projects and I appreciate you all. Thank you so much. Thank you for reading through this. Thank you for caring. You're part of why I'm around.

I hope that you're having a lovely day/night/et cetera and if you aren't, you're not alone ❤️.

I'll see you around. 😊 Thanks again,

Albie

[willwood-lyrics]

Erhm there are 21 lyrics left in the queue I either have to:

Get my shit together

Start yoinkin quotes and AVE shit like I promised on Suburbia

Start reusing lyrics

Get my shit together

[jorvik-fashion]

I dont know why.

But kinda expected to be yelled at by rebloging others photos and adding outfit descriptions.

I worried it was disrespectful, I guess.

But so far people seem to enjoy it.

If I reblog one of your posts and you dont like it for any reason what so ever. Send me a message and I will delete it.

[aparticularbandit]

So. It looks like my Supporter subscription still went through. Which is why they won't let me buy it again.

Something just went wrong with the badge part. And I can't add that. For whatever reason.

><

[recapitulation]

meal ideas!

low energy ("do not ask me to do any prep work at all, so help me god")

mozzerella cheese wrapped in pepperoni ("pizza tacos"!)

hummus and pretzels or naan (putting the naan in the microwave for like 10 seconds...heavenly)

canned chili (with shredded cheese and sour cream if you have it! boom done!)

instant miso soup (warm and lovely! put tofu in it for protein!)

cheese and cured meat, olives, canned fish, crackers, dried fruit, or whatever easy "charcuterie" type items you like

alternate bites of apple and spoonfulls of peanut butter (mixing honey or chocolate chips to the peanut butter is my favorite)

a "deconstructed sandwich": bites of lunch meat, pickles, cheese, cherry tomato, etc (I love roast beef and white cheddar for this)

yogurt and granola or fruit

put frozen potstickers + frozen edamame in the steamer/rice cooker, chill elsewhere with a timer set, then boom

tortilla chips + canned refried beans + cherry tomatoes + cilantro + jarred salsa con queso (or warm shredded cheese on top of the chips in the microwave for 30 seconds)

bagel + cream cheese + lox

microwave scrambled eggs (add things like green onion, soy sauce, or anything else you like!)

cottage cheese and fruit (mixed together or just on the side)

bowl of shredded rotisserie chicken + buffalo sauce + a bit of mayo + green onion (use a kitchen scissors to cut them right in!)

medium energy ("I'll boil water but don't ask me to chop shit")

boiled eggs and fresh veggies (put a little salt on top of the eggs!)

buttered noodles (my go-to nausea meal, it has never failed me. ideas of things to add: frozen peas, imitation crab, roasted garlic)

baked potato with toppings (I like cheese, bacon, broccoli, green onion, and sour cream)

quesadilla (add some canned beans, cilantro, or avocado!)

pot roast (requires a lot of time but not a lot of actual work. I love it with peas!)

cuban sandwich (bread, swiss, pickle, mustard, ham... my favorite thing to panini-ify by far)

pan-fried tofu with scallion sauce (this sauce goes well with everything and tofu is no exception)

pancakes or waffles! (I love mine with jam)

ham, pickle, and cream cheese roll-ups

fried eggs (with toast and lots of butter...so comforting)

fruit smoothie (bananas, frozen strawberries, yogurt...or whatever!)

I hate salad but could write essays on this copycat olive garden salad (throw it in a bowl! chopping required if you use onion)

spaghetti (controversial maybe but angel hair > spaghetti noodles)

pasta salad (olives broccoli fresh mozerella... those little mini pepperonis... yeah)

stir-fried thai garlic shrimp (I like using the mini frozen salad shrimps, it's easy! use jarred minced garlic to avoid chopping!)

tuna mayo onigiri

slow cooker ribs

buffalo chicken wrap (or any number of other wrap options! shred pre-cooked rotisserie chicken to make it easier)

if your local grocery store sells pre-cooked gyro strips, that can turn into an easy wrap with store-bought pita & tzatziki with tomatoes and onions!

couscous and chickpeas

tortellini + pasta sauce + spinach

high energy ("I don't mind chopping some things up!")

stuffed shells with spinach

chicken and roasted garlic (oh my god.....one of my all time favorites)

beef tacos (I like mine with cilantro and onion, and when I'm feeling especially high energy I love a tomatillo salsa)

chicken alfredo

tom kha gai (a thai soup and my absolute favorite! you just need access to galangal)

lasagna! (freezes well and then boom! low energy meal for later)

pad thai! (not as hard as you'd think, as long as you have access to tamarind paste!)

potstickers! (this is a lovely group activity if you want to cook with housemates!)

rice and beans

bang bang shrimp (ogughfhgfuh I love it. you can also do bang bang tofu!)

minestrone soup (so many nice veggies!)

fried rice (put whatever you have on hand in there! broccoli, peas, carrot, and beef is my favorite combo)

broccoli cheddar soup

spring rolls and peanut sauce

skewers (such as beef, onion, zucchini, bell pepper... you don't need a grill, oven works!)

roasted turkey with garlic parmesean asparagus

pork chop with mashed potatoes

panang curry

chicken gnocchi soup (use store bought gnocchi or make your own if you have a high energy day!)

bibimbap (super customizable depending on what veggies you like best)

butter chicken

plus! things that have helped me meal plan:

whenever you think of a meal you'd like to make, take 3 seconds to google search it, take a screenshot of the image results, and put it in a "food ideas" folder. instant visual menu!

the concept of "meal prepping" makes me recoil but I've learned that it can simply mean preparing shredded chicken, boiled eggs, or some other simple protein that you can customize throughout the week. shredded chicken can turn into wraps, salads, pasta dishes, etc... you don't have to meal prep yourself into the same meal all week!

when I have difficulty working up an appetite, I'll scroll through my favorite restaurant menus! there might be some foods I can't make at home, but many times they're very simple to recreate because the ingredients are literally listed!

[cowsaresushi-coral]

C R U C I F I C A T I O N

[egophiliac]

I love the idea of teenage Malleus hating his new baby brother Silver but slowly falling for him

words cannot express how much I adore that Mal's reaction to seeing a human baby for the first time was "the fuck is this. why does it look like that. gross." (then he immediately got stuck on babysitting duty and the rest is history)

I am SUCH a sucker for that trope of "non-humans being fascinated by normal human behavior", so between that and all the delicious angst going on I was eating VERY well. >:) Malleus being so impressed that two-year-old Silver can walk, because it took him twenty years to stand on two legs! Lilia barging in on the Zigvolts at 2 AM being like "he won't stop crying what do I do"! Lilia trying to feed Silver rats and Malleus being like "...please just stick with what the books say to feed it"! it is all so. chef's kiss.

[sketchy-tour]

Wanted to try my hand at a more sort of story book look! Been a minute since I made a piece like this!!!!

Oh I love these three so so much. Dandy sticks out so much compared to the primary colored pair hehe

[sporeclan]

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Leaf-bare again and we're already off to a bad start :')

[stil-lindigo]

DONATE THROUGH PAYPAL

DONATE THROUGH VENMO

Safebow, led by raindovemodel over on instagram, is a grassroots team currently doing their best to evacuate almost 200 Palestinian individuals from Gaza.

To do this, they had to raise over $300,000 in a very short amount of time. Amazingly, they not only raised that amount, but surpassed it to the point that they'll now be able to buy prosthetics for the hospitals they work with.

However, Gofundme has thrown a spanner into the work by going completely silent and holding up over half of their funds.

They are on a time crunch as they desperately try to recoup their money before the border closes. Please donate to their Paypal, Venmo or Zelle. Their window of success is genuinely a matter of days.

[almaraclan]

Babies first two parter

First: Moon 0

Previous: Moon 2

Next: Moon 3 part 2

[lastoneout]

Tbh if they're really gonna put off ever adding any of the mobs that lose I'd just rather they never hold a vote bcs it really sucks to keep hearing about all these cool ideas and know that they're just gonna scrap most of them. Knowing that they could have added Copper Golems and Mooblooms and Penguins and apparently aren't ever going to now just like....idk it's just a bummer! If they're never gonna add them then I just don't even want to know they could have been added in the first place :/

[betweenlands]

btw i am having a GREAT day today

[tblsomedoodles]

The Preferable Alternative- Prologue - Part 1

Start (you are here) - Previous (none) - Next

New au. I can't explain the main thought behind this without spoilers. And since i'm jumping straight into a multi-part comic, i won't be giving out any.

Basically vibes for this is that it's kinda creepy and maybe suspenseful with eventual hurt/comfort (if that doesn't make sense, im sorry, i have a hard time describing things). I'm also pretty mean to Donnie. Not "Donnie vs" mean, but unfortunately this idea wouldn't work with anyone else.

(for those that get anxious, like me. There is no main character death. (might not be death at all but we shall see. that depends on one character and even i'm not sure exactly what they'd do yet.) and no one's gets serious physical injuries. Definitely more hurt/comfort than plain angst. b/c that's how i roll. I can't do straight up angst.)

I'll write a proper summery once the prologue's done. I don't want to spoil it too much. For now, just know it's a PB&J duo story that happens during the 6 weeks before the Krang invasion.

[puppenini]

once again, kris was my test subject for rendering. idk the masses can have this one

(please click for better quality ^_^)

[calware]

what if we lived in a world where kanaya got to be her own character for more than 5 seconds