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jinkoh · 5 months

Text

fall back on me

hyunjae x gn!reader

summary: to say you hadn't been pleased when you’d found out hyunjae was your soulmate would be an understatement. he was loud and annoying and all the two of you ever did was bicker. and yet, somehow, you wanted to be there for him

part of my soulmate series

tags: soulmate au (sharing bruises), childhood frenemies to lovers, high school au, hurt/comfort, some fluff, SFW; warnings: implied abuse/domestic violence, mentions of injuries and blood

wc: 3.8k a/n: can someone tell me why this is almost 4k when i thought i'd stick to tiny <1k drabbles for this series? is it bc i am currently so very in love with leehyunjae?? perhaps?? we may never know

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“I think I could really miss out on P.E today,” you sighed as you slung your gym bag over your shoulder and followed your friends out of the classroom.

“You could always miss out on P.E, y/n,” Siyeon corrected with a raised eyebrow. “I remember in middle school there was a time where you purposely forgot your gym clothes every. single. week.”

“Eh? For real?” Minji chimed in in surprise.

“Yupp, even got detention for it, but showed up without again the week after.”

“Let bygones be bygones already, Siyeon,” you complained, a little uncomfortable about her bringing it up. Not that it wasn’t true, but you’d had your reasons at the time. Now however you simply didn’t like sports. You weren’t very good, especially with ball sports, and you knew you’d get an earful about it if you got hurt.

“Fine,” she agreed, almost disappointed to drop the topic. Minji on the other hand didn’t mind much, her attention grabbed by something else—or more accurately: someone else. The guys from the basketball team were coming your way, Juyeon, Jacob and, of course, Hyunjae. Minji seemed absolutely delighted; it wasn’t a secret that she basically crushed on all of them. You weren't half as excited about this. When Hyunjae met your gaze, a small grin tugged at his lips and he came your way. You let out a groan. You really weren’t in the mood for this.

“What a passionate greeting,” he said with a small shake of his head, “is that any way to treat your beloved classmate?”

“We’re not even in the same class, Jaehyun.”

He dramatically clutched his heart. “So cold, y/n, so cold.” Then his gaze fell onto your gym bag. “P.E? Really?”

“Yup. We’re playing basketball.”

He scrunched up his face. “If only you were half as gifted as me.”

“It’s not like I want to play either. But I’m hardly the one making the class schedule now, am I?”

“Right. Guess there’s no way around it. Just don’t fall again, those were some nasty bruises last week.”

“Mhm,” you rolled your eyes. “I’ll try my best.”

“Well sadly, your best isn’t all that good, y/n. You know, I could give you some pointers.”

“Nah, thanks, I can handle myself.”

“That’s just empty words,” he complained, “I need a bit more than that to feel reassured.”

“If the ball comes my way I’ll just catch it with my face,” you deadpanned before pushing past him.

“Not funny!" He yelled after you but you didn’t turn around again, just giving him a half-assed wave over your shoulder.

A second later, Minji was jogging up next to you, completely baffled by the whole interaction. “How do you know Hyunjae?! Do you have something going on?”

“Ew, no,” you immediately replied.

“But he clearly cares for you!”

“For me?” You couldn’t help but chuckle. “Hardly.”

Siyeon came up between the two of you, casually slinging her arm over Minji’s shoulder. “They are soulmates,” she explained matter of factly, “Didn’t you know?”

“He is your soulmate?! Why didn’t you tell me, y/n?”

“It’s not like it’s something to brag about.”

“Duh?! It is! We’re talking about the Lee Hyunjae.”

You made a disgusted face. “Exactly.”

In High School, Hyunjae was one of the popular kids. Maybe it was because he was tall or because he played basketball or perhaps it was that charming smile of his—either way, everyone was enamored by him. The guys wanted to be his friend and the girls wanted to get into his bedsheets and even the teachers seemed to like him despite his bold demeanor.

You however felt a little different about him. You’d been in the same school since elementary, so you’d basically seen him grow up. While he was the cool and charming Hyunjae to everyone else, to you he was still Jaehyun, the odd one out, a kid that seemed unable to read the room or purposely didn’t. It wasn’t that he’d never had friends, it was that he couldn’t seem to keep them, sooner or later being left behind for being loud and annoying or for taking one of his pranks too far. The teachers had deemed him a troublemaker, unable to focus and distracting everyone else and your opinion of him wasn’t much better.

You’d found out he was your soulmate in 4th grade, when the bloody knee he got from playing soccer made your own knee turn red and blue. To say you weren’t pleased was an understatement. You had no intention of being close to such a troublesome kid, worried about ruining your grades and tired of his exhausting personality. Any time you spoke to him, you just ended up bickering about his missing homework or him skipping out on cleaning duty. Honestly, it was draining your energy. So, you kept the whole soulmate thing your little secret, never telling him what you’d discovered. It was easy enough—he was never paying attention to you anyway, so he wouldn’t notice if you shared a bruise or two from time to time. You didn’t tell anyone else either. As far as you were concerned, you didn’t have a soulmate. A lot of people didn’t have one anyway and as long as neither of you got hit in the face no one would find out.

You started to reconsider in middle school though. It wasn’t that you suddenly liked him, even if you had to admit that he’d gotten more bearable. He’d calmed down a little and his pranks too were not completely lacking in sensibility and consideration anymore. Actually he was barely playing pranks at all, keeping a low profile more often than not. And there was something else.

At first you’d thought the bruises were from playing soccer again, and you would have told him off to be more careful if that hadn’t meant outing yourself as his soulmate. But you realized he never actually joined the guys playing soccer anymore. And it would barely explain the bruises anyway—if they were on your knees, sure, but on your ribs and upper arms? You had your doubts. As they kept appearing, littering your body to a point where you didn’t dare to change in front of other people anymore, your worries grew. Something was wrong, but you didn’t know how to address it and much less if you should in the first place.

“Long sleeves?” Siyeon asked one day during recess, eyebrows raised in confusion.

“I don’t know, I think it’s kinda cold,” you lied.

“Cold? It’s summer! Y/n, I can literally see the sweat running down your temple.” She shook her head in disbelief. “I swear to god, we only have weirdo’s in this class. Hyunjae is the same.” She nodded over to him. You thought he’d been sleeping, his head resting on his arms, but at the mention of his name he looked up. Your gaze briefly met, and for a second there was an odd expression on his face, his eyes lingering on your covered up arms for a second too long. You felt your chest tighten, thinking he knew, and for the first time it wasn’t the soulmate part that frightened you. More than that you worried about the fact that you knew such a deeply vulnerable thing about him. You weren’t close, so surely he wouldn’t want you to know. You opened your mouth, wondering if you should say something, but then he turned back around, resting his head on his desk again as if nothing had happened. Maybe his odd gaze had just been your imagination.

You didn’t go swimming even once that summer, and you assumed neither did he, because the bruises never really left, new ones coming before old ones could heal. You skipped out on P.E class claiming you forgot your things, or changed on the toilet instead and no one seemed to question it, deciding it must simply be a rebellious phase for you. You knew it couldn’t continue like this, but you felt so helpless, caught up in something that shouldn’t be your business. With the history you shared, what could you even say, that wouldn’t sound condescending and meddlesome coming from you? You felt like the issue was slowly eating you up from the inside and a part of you wished you could just wipe off all the bruises and get rid of the connection that tied you to this mess. But even if you could, even if you woke up tomorrow without a single bruise, your skin a blank slate, Hyunjae would still have them. He would still wake up with the same injuries, covering them up for no one to see. It must be lonely, you thought, to go through so much pain all by yourself, hiding it away when really you want someone to notice and hold out a hand to you.

When you spotted him still lingering in the half dark classroom after school was long over, sitting on the floor against the wall and playing something on his phone, you decided to talk to him.

“You’re still here.”

Hyunjae looked up at you, surprise flashing through his eyes, before he focused back on the screen that was casting a blueish light onto his face. “Mhm.” He shrugged. “You gonna rat me out to the teachers?”

“Aren’t you going to go home?”

“Yeah,” he said, but he didn’t show any intention to leave at all.

It wasn’t exactly how you expected the conversation to go. You’d thought it would be easier. Or maybe you were just caught off guard to see him so calm for once, his energy seemingly used up over the course of the day. He wasn’t making snappy comments or bad jokes. He was just sitting there.

At a loss of what to do, you plopped down next to him, leaving some space between you. You glanced at his phone, watching him play. He didn’t comment on it, but you noticed the way he tilted the screen the tiniest bit so you could see better. The two of you probably sat there like that for almost an hour, until a pop up warned him that he was running out of battery.

“Shit,” he grumbled, reluctantly closing the game. He shoved his phone into his pocket, but even then he didn’t stand up.

“You don’t want to go home, do you?” You asked and you didn’t expect him to be honest, but he was.

“No.” He paused for a moment before looking over at you, searching for something in your eyes. A sense of fellowship, perhaps. “What about you? You don’t want to go either?”

You hesitated. “That’s not it.”

“Then why?” But it seemed what he was really asking was how? How do you know then, when you’re not the same as me?

“I was worried.”

“About what?”

“You.”

There was another pause and then he laughed, but it didn’t sound convincing. “Why are you always so meddlesome? You don’t have to bug me about my homework anymore, you know? You’re not my mom and I’m fine.”

“But you’re not,” you insisted.

He looked almost angry now and it was weird to see him like that, because through all the years you’d known him, through all the fights you’d picked with him, you’d never seen him angry, not really. “Don’t act like you know me. You don’t know anything.”

You bit your lower lip and closed your eyes, trying to gather some strength. Your fingers clutched the hem of your shirt, holding onto it with a grip so strong it made your knuckles turn white. “I do know,” you pressed out, your voice trembling as you pulled up your shirt enough to reveal your ribcage. Hyunjae made a choked up noise, but it took you a second longer to find the courage to look at him. When you did, there were tears in his eyes. He looked onto your skin in horror, and you knew that he understood what it all meant. You let the hem of your shirt fall back down.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and the way he sounded so shaky, so vulnerable, made tears well up in your eyes too. He wrapped his arms around his body, as if that could somehow hide away the truth you both already knew about.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Jaehyun. It’s not your fault.”

“But I—,” He trailed off. “I’m so sorry.”

“I promise you don’t have to be sorry. And you don’t have to endure it all by yourself either.” You reached out, gently, carefully grazing his hand with your own. To your surprise he didn’t flinch away. Instead, his fingers wrapped around yours. He held onto you like a lifeline, his grip almost painful, but you didn’t complain. In a way you felt grateful that he wasn’t pushing you away. It was weird, because you’d never thought you cared about or liked him. But right in that moment, you thought maybe you did. At the very least you wanted to be someone he could rely on and why would you want that if not because you liked him to some extent?

It would be delusional to think you could magically fix his situation. After all, you were just a kid at the time. But still, you tried to at least be there in ways you could. You’d stay behind after class with him, keeping him company as he played his mobile games. Sometimes you’d use the time to do your homework, and eventually he even joined in, getting you to explain things he had missed due to getting distracted in class. You liked the way his face lit up when he got them right. You were also the one to suggest the basketball club to him. Because you’re tall, you said and it wasn’t a lie, but mainly it was because they practiced late and it gave him a reason to stay behind. You never talked about the bruises again, but you thought they became fewer, the less time he spent at home. Until suddenly, they just stopped appearing.

“We moved,” he ambiguously explained one day, but you understood just fine without him having to say more.

“So…you can go home now?” You asked, looking up from where you were crouched over your math workbooks.

“Yeah.” He paused. “But you still have to explain the homework to me though.”

“Okay,” you smiled and you thought he was smiling too, his head already hunched over the formulas in his book again.

“You’re kidding, right?” Hyunjae greeted you as soon as you came out of the changing rooms after class. He was leaning against the wall, clearly having waited for you. His nose was red and slightly bruised.

“Don’t be mean,” you replied with a pout, your voice slightly muffled by the towel you were holding up against your face, “I have a nosebleed.”

“I can see that." He shook his head with a sigh. "I didn’t think you meant it literally when you said you’d stop the ball with your face.”

“Neither did I, but it seems this is what fate wanted.”

“Fate my ass. You just suck at sports.”

“Be grateful you only get the bruise and not the bleeding.”

“Mhm, thanks for not completely ruining my face.” He pushed himself off the wall and started walking down the hallway. After a few steps he turned back around to you. “Stop standing there like a fool. Come.” He didn’t check again if you were coming along, but he didn’t have to because you plodded after him, gym bag in one and the bloody towel in the other hand. Hyunjae stopped in front of the infirmary, knocking but not waiting for a response before pushing the door open. It was empty either way. You awkwardly stood in the doorway while he rummaged through the cabinet.

“Can you not stand there like some playmobil figure? Sit,” he nodded towards the bed in the corner.

“You really keep on insulting me today, huh?” you complained but you plopped down on the mattress anyway.

Hyunjae met your gaze with a grin. “Today? Always.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Mhm, says the one who gave me a super ugly bruise on my face.” He sat down on the wheeled swivel stool, scooting it over until he was right across from you, a box of wet tissues in his hand. “Now let’s clean up that mess.”

When you lowered the towel he pulled a disgusted face. “That’s so gross.”

“It’s just a nosebleed,” you put the towel up again with a frown, “and I never said I needed your help anyway.”

“Don’t be silly.” Hyunjae moved your hand away and tilted his head to take a proper look. “It’s not bleeding anymore, is it?” He mumbled, carefully wiping away the blood stains beneath your nose. It didn’t seem like he actually wanted a reply, so you stayed quiet, fixing your eyes onto the trees outside the window so you didn’t have to look at him this close up. Maybe it should have felt weird to have him take care of you like this. But it didn’t, because Hyunjae was always like this. Even with all the bickering and arguing, even when his friend circle was so vastly different from your own, when it came down to it he’d have your back.

“Can I ask you something?” you broke the silence while Hyunjae momentarily stopped his ministrations in your face to switch out the tissue.

“You mean what I did to deserve a soulmate as clumsy as you? I’d like to know that too,” he replied as he got back to work, but you ignored the silly comment.

“Why didn’t you try to keep it a secret?”

“What?” He sounded genuinely confused about what you were talking about.

“That we're soulmates. Isn't it embarrassing?”

Hyunjae huffed a laugh, not lifting his focus from where he was getting rid of some blood that had made its way into the corner of your lip. “Why would it be embarrassing?”

“I don’t know. Because you’re one of the cool kids now.”

That put a challenging grin on his face and he glanced up. “You think I’m cool?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” You rolled your eyes.

“Hm,” he paused to think for a moment. “It just never occurred to me. I don’t think there's anything embarrassing about it. You being my soulmate was never something that seemed worth hiding. And I know you'd never tell anyone the things I do want to hide.”

His words made you feel a little guilty, remembering all too well how keen you’d been on keeping it a secret when you'd first found out.

“To be honest,” Hyunjae continued, “when you told me I felt sorry. But I also thought I got impossibly lucky.”

“Lucky?”

“Yeah,” he stared at his hands as switched out the tissue again, even though there was barely any blood on it. It felt like he was purposely avoiding your gaze, something that didn’t happen all too often. “I really liked you, you know? Even before you told me.”

“But I was so mean to you.”

He tilted his head in confusion. “Really? Were you mean?”

“I was totally mean. I always bugged you to hand in your homework. And I scolded you when you didn’t do your cleaning duty.”

“Yeah. I kinda liked that.”

You let out a snort and it made a new wave of blood gush out from your nose.

“Ew.” Hyunjae scrunched up his face as he held up the tissue to catch the blood.

“Are you a masochist or something?”

“Don’t be like that.” He gave you a dissatisfied pout. “At the time it meant a lot to me. You were the only one who cared enough to get angry. Even the teachers had given up on scolding me. I think I would have repeated a year if it wasn’t for you. So I was grateful. And in middle school too…,” he trailed off. You both knew what he was talking about anyway.

“I didn’t do anything, though. I didn’t do anything to help.”

“You did. You were there for me. You made me feel less alone. I think I have a lot to be grateful for. So there isn’t really any reason for me to be embarrassed about you, is there?”

You felt your cheeks flush with heat, taken off guard by his sincere response. It’d never occurred to you that he could think this way about everything. You hadn’t expected him to value it so much, because you’d always felt like you hadn’t done enough, like you hadn’t been good enough of a soulmate for him. So the way he spoke so fondly about you now almost made you want to tear up.

“Still, isn’t it bothersome?,” you mumbled, trying to distract from how flustered you were. “What if you want to date? Wouldn’t they be put off if they knew you had a soulmate?”

“What, are you worried about my love life?” Hyunjae grinned, “Or is it you who’s bothered, because you think the reason you can’t get any is because of me? Trust me, y/n, that’s not why. It’s just not very attractive to have blood gushing out of your nose.”

“Shut up. I was being—”

“But I might be willing to take responsibility anyway.”

“—serious,” you completed your sentence, before what he’d said actually reached your brain. “What?”

He shrugged. “I’m just saying. If you’re worried about ending up all alone because no one wants a klutz like you, you always have a soulmate to fall back on.” When he looked up, his expression was serious, eyes not shying away from yours. “Fall back on me.”

You’d been sitting way too close this entire time, with him tending to your face, but now that he was looking at you so intently it suddenly made you feel nervous. You almost wanted to pinch yourself to make sure this was actually happening. When you replied your voice came out quiet and a little raspy. “I don’t think it’s considered falling back if I never wanted anyone else to begin with.”

A silly smile spread on his lips, making his eyes form crescents. “It’s because I’m so cool, right?”

You shook your head in disbelief before you let your forehead bump into his. “It’s because you’re such an idiot.”

“Hm,” he hummed, his gaze dropping to your lips, before coming back up to your eyes again. “I think I can live with that.”

You weren’t sure who closed the gap between your lips. Maybe it was you, but it didn’t seem to matter either way, because he cupped your jaw and kissed you back. It tasted a bit like iron and a bit like disinfectant and it still made your heart flutter.

“You know,” he eventually mumbled into your lips with a grin, “your nosebleed is making this kinda gross.”

“Don’t ruin this for us.”

“I’m not ruining it. I’m making it special.”

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#i finished writing kevs part like two seconds ago so lemme just post this one now #hyunjae x reader #tbz x reader #lee jaehyun x reader #the boyz x reader #kpop scenarios #tbz fic #tbz angst #tbz fluff #the boyz imagines #the boyz fanfic #hyunjae x gn!reader #the boyz scenarios #tbz drabble #hyunjae drabble #tbz writing #kebbis.writing #imperfect connections

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possamble · 5 months

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What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

#asks #she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too #with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect #and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive #but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards #I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi #you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent #and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too #not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat #but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment #and regrets it deeply #and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear #and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed #I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just #immediately arrives in Melini #and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out #and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille #on account of the crimes and all #marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down #'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you'#'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way'#'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.'#and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood #but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear #and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately #it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking #and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance #marcilleposting #marcille donato #junoposting

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