#just apply! there are so many positions! you don't need a lot of experience! you would love it!

[3hks]

Writing Character CHANGE

Character development is absolutely CRUCIAL to a story, but having spent more time thinking about this topic, I came to the realization that I misunderstood a lot of points other people have made when teaching how to write character development.

There are a lot of factors that play into character development, but in this post, I'll cover some overall, but the main thing concerns any change to your character! (Which is also a huge part in development, really.)

So with this post, I'll be teaching you MY personal tips regarding this subject!

*The Basics*

Before we really get into the developmental stage, there are some things you want to establish, in which I'll explain later!

A couple of flaws.

How your character views themselves at first.

Your character's morals/ideals and how they think.

These things may vary, but you want your readers to be able to at least roughly predict how your character will act during specific events!

*Change*

Character development is just about how your character changes throughout the story. I like to say that there are several different ways one may change, (we'll get into that later on) but your character should NOT stay the same as the same person during the exposition and during the resolution!

"During character development, your character should grow."

This is a common piece of advice; your character needs to grow. And while I've assumed for the longest time that I understood what it meant, it never truly clicked.

While they will use words such as grow, what they really mean is that your character should mature. By the end of your story, your character may not always end up as a better person. When I say mature, I mean that they have reflected back on their life and have understood the consequences that came with their actions (if any) or how they could've done things differently.

Your character will not always end up as a better, fixed person, but they should understand their world and themselves better.

*Negative/Passive Change*

Alright then, so how does a character develop if they don't necessarily change for the better? Well, I'll get into that!

No matter what, your character should have learned a lesson through their experience. Even if they haven't exactly improved as a person, there should be a moral they can learn from what they have gone through.

If not, then did they really grow?

Additionally, how did their qualities negatively impact themselves? If they are bad traits, then it needs to be clear. And the best way to achieve this is by demonstrating how it hurts your character! However, it is rather uncommon for a character to undergo little to no change after a story!

*Positive Change*

Let's circle back to the basics, real quick. Remember how I said that before any development takes place, your character should be anything but perfect? That same thing applies to after the change.

Do NOT create a flawless character by the end of your story. Instead, focus on one or two flaws that get fixed as the story continues. These don't have to be huge, life-changing imperfections, but they can be minor ones that still shape their life in one way or another.

"Fixing" too many shortcomings can make your character seem, well, out of character, producing a character development that's more forced. The same thing applies if you're attempting to FULLY alter a fault that's just too big. The change will be too noticeable.

What am I talking about? Here's an example!

Imagine a character who's incredibly closed off to other people, wanting to ensure that he never gets too close to others.

That's a pretty sizable flaw, no? By the end of your story, you do not want to completely change because you need to preserve character, but you can change it a bit. Does he have a few friends now? Does he understand that there are some people worth trusting?

He may still be closed off to majority of people, but at least it's not everyone, and that's a realistic change.

*Different Changes*

As I continue to read more stories and watch more shows, I have realized that character development is not always about fixing flaws or personality, but it can extend far past that line.

So listen up, because I feel like no one really talks about this.

Your character can change their IDEALS, MORALS, and how they VIEW THEMSELVES.

Hear that? If your character has strong morals, they will hardly stay the same as they reach the end. Remember the requirements I mentioned at the beginning?

See how it connects now? There is SO much more to character development than changing a few imperfections. Like I said in the start, your character needs to grow and mature. Things like new morals or ideals assist with that!

*SUMMARY*

In order to start character development, you need a couple of flaws, an idea of how your character looks at themselves, and their morals. This is because those are the main parts of you character that may change through time.

Growth = Maturing (gaining a better sense of who they are and the world they live in.)

NOT ALL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS POSITIVE!

For negative or passive change, make sure to clarify how their imperfections affected or hurt them and have some sort of moral that follows.

YOUR CHARACTER SHOULD NOT BE PERFECT!

They should not be perfect in the beginning, and not perfect in the end! Do not 'fix' too many traits because you want to preserve character.

I think that's all! It's quite the post for something so simple, eh? But hey, character development is absolutely PIVOTAL to a story so I hope I at least explained the 'change' part of that well!

Happy writing~

3hks <3

[astrosamara]

Moon Sign Observations

Observations from a Pisces Moon :) All these opinions come from my own personal experiences with the different moon signs, so it might not apply to everyone. Various aspects to the moon and house placement can also change interpretation and expression of that moon sign.

Aries ☾

They hate wasting time. When they make their mind up on something, they don't like to sit around and contemplate on it, they want to go after it right away. Super action oriented. I love being around Aries moon's, even if our energy levels can be quite incompatible. I've also seen so many Aries moons that stand up against bullying and root for the underdogs. They can be great in leadership positions. Even with their competitive nature, I feel like they're the moon signs who want to see everyone win, especially the people that they love.

Taurus ☾

I haven't met many Taurus moon's, the one's I have met though always seem to be super big on luxury items and comfort. They can live beyond their means sometimes because they just want to have the best of the best. I've noticed this more frequently in younger Taurus moons though. Very beautiful people who seem to always look good without trying hard and can have a very strong interest in beauty and fashion. They can also be SUPER stubborn over their opinions and can be pretty closed off to hearing what other people have to say.

Gemini ☾

Deeply fascinating minds. It's hard to pin Gemini moons down and they tend to live a double life. You can think you're really close to a Gemini moon, but there can be so much about them you still don't know. Excellent communicators that tend to be lighthearted and funny in conversations. They think deeply about life and I know many Gemini moon's that are insomniacs because they have a hard time shutting down their busy minds. They also tend to have a wide variety of interests and are incredibly smart in any area they apply themselves in. Incredibly analytical and perceptive.

Cancer ☾

I feel like I've met more Cancer moons than any other moon sign. They just appear to be everywhere in my life lol. Very caring and sensitive people. A lot of them wear their heart on their sleeves. They tend to be the mother friend of their friend groups and this sensitive energy can often be taken advantage of by people who only want to use them as their therapist. I've also noticed many people tend to baby Cancer moons and don't hold them accountable for some of their more toxic behaviors. They also have an energy about them that makes people feel safe and comfortable around them almost instantly. Strangers will just start telling them their life story and want to open up to them.

Leo ☾

Leo moons are LOUD, especially when they're comfortable. They also tend to have a very lively and radiant aura to them. Unfortunately, I know a lot of Leo moons that can be a little too self involved to the point that they're uninterested in the people around them. They love having attention on themselves and can become upset if they feel like they don't have that attention. They like to put on a show with their emotions and express themselves in a theatrical manner. I wish I had more positive experiences with Leo placements in general, but I haven't tbh. I will say though that I love how open and expressive they are with their love towards others. Rarely are they emotionally cold and distant, which is refreshing to be around.

Virgo ☾

HUGE worriers. Feeling like they need to be perfect in order to be accepted by themselves and by others. Can stress themselves out to the point of sickness. Underdeveloped Virgo placements in general tend to have very fragile egos and crave external validation to an unhealthy extent. They can struggle with intrinsic motivation, because they don't see the point of doing something unless they're rewarded or praised. I haven't met very many Virgo moons in my life, mostly Virgo suns, but I feel like this would be one of the more challenging moon placements to have. Frequent overthinking and anxiety, similar to that of a Gemini moon. I feel like Virgo's are much more hard on themselves though than Gemini's.

Libra ☾

Super charming and flirty people. They crave beauty, peace, and harmony in their lives. They tend to have a natural way with people and can have many friends throughout their lives. Libra moons are just very friendly and polite people overall. I've found that Libra tends to be more happy in the moon than in the sun, which is why Libra moons can have stronger positive Libra qualities. Similar to Taurus moons, they tend to be very beautiful people with a strong interest in beauty and fashion. Unlike Taurus moons though, Libra moons have a strong disinterest in conflict and fighting. Due to their strong desire to keep the peace, they can probably easily fall into habits of people pleasing and not speaking up for themselves.

Scorpio ☾

I'm in love with Scorpio moons. Incredibly emotionally intelligent and aware individuals. They go through a lot of dark shit in their lives, but they really know how to grow from their pain and transform with it. I've never met a Scorpio moon that didn't have this intense and magnetic presence to them. I've found them to be much more intense than Scorpio suns (being one myself) because this tends to be a really challenging moon placement to have. They have a very dark and deep inner world and they grow accustomed to carrying a lot of pain with them in their daily lives. There's also a very painful and strong desire for intimacy and to feel deeply understood that could stem from a difficult childhood. They have a strong disinterest in superficiality and their intuition guides them heavily throughout their life. If you meet a Scorpio moon that is emotionally healthy and healed, they probably went through hell to get to that place of contentment in their life.

Sagittarius ☾

Super funny people. Being a Jupiter ruled moon sign, they have very expansive and limitless minds, which they have in common with Pisces moons. Freedom to express themselves and their individuality is super important for them. Usually a very strong connection to spirituality and a strong interest in learning about other cultures through traveling. I've found that with many Sagittarius moons, people really want to listen to them and hear what they have to say. People see them as a wise guru. They also have a tendency to struggle with commitment and being tied down to anything or anyone (I've found this to be more true for people with heavy mutable energy in their charts overall).

Capricorn ☾

I've rarely met a Capricorn moon that I didn't like. Very loving people that like to take care of the people closest to them. They can struggle pretty intensely, especially younger people with this placement, with a fear of failure and never reaching their full potential. They can have this innate sense of responsibility and structure as a connection to their emotional fulfillment. Capricorn isn't happy in this moon sign, so emotions can be quite challenging for them to navigate. Even though they don't like expressing their emotions openly, when they do, they can express it in a very beautiful and poetic way. There's a lot of singers with this moon placement that have songs with deeply emotional and impactful lyrics.

Aquarius ☾

Aquarius moon's often get described as emotionless or cold, but they actually feel quite deeply. The problem is they intellectualize their emotions more than they actually feel them. I've also noticed they can shut down or feel distant and uncomfortable when they witness other people be emotional around them. This is a moon placement I truly feel for. They can feel incredibly different from the people around them and their feelings can frequently be misunderstood by others. A lot of deep emotional loneliness with this moon sign. I've noticed this to be a common "black sheep" placement, more so than with other Aquarius placements. They have very beautiful and unique souls with a strong interest in bettering society. Very humanitarian.

Pisces ☾

Pisces moon's tend to have strong connections to their grandparents from a young age, or older people in general. They also tend to be into grandma or grandpa activities because they feel like such an old soul lol. Might feel a disconnect from their generation and modern trends. I've noticed many Pisces moon's have these dreamy and sparkling eyes that appear to be filled with magic. They tend to have a very powerful connection to music and they're the type to just be huge music lovers in general, connecting to the vibes of music overall, instead of having a specific genre they listen to. Can be heavily addicted to isolation as a coping mechanism when life gets too overwhelming. Reality can feel very limiting and restrictive for them, which is why I think it's so important for Pisces moon's to have creative and fulfilling outlets (especially during this Saturn in Pisces transit that has definitely been testing them. I know it has for me lol).

[martian-astro]

Solar return observations- Part 3

(the artist is @eb_hua on twitter)

Saturn in 10th is a frustrating placement (my mom had it last year and basically with this you feel financially helpless, you keep on trying and trying but nothing works, but the good thing is that 2-3 months before your next birthday, you're gonna hit the jackpot, so don't worry too much) (my sister also has it this year)

I have noticed that in every solar return chart that I've looked at, the chiron was in conjunction with the north node and it has happened way too many times for me to call it a coincidence. (do you have it as well, let me know) (according to my observations, the house that it's in represents the area where you'll experience pain but also by the end of the year, you're gonna be able to deal with the themes of that house in a better way, am I making sense??) just let me know if you have any questions about this placement, I think it's very common

The year in which you have a gemini AC, you will focus a lot on building your professional network, a lot of communication, short distance travel and improving your relationship with your siblings, if you have any. (my sister has it this year and her master's will end on 29th April, she has applied to many places for a job and she's also coming to visit me, I'M GOING TO MEET HER AFTER 5 FUCKING YEARS😁😁)

Mars in 12th indicates a low libido, a very exhausting year in general, if you also have sun in 1st then... It can be pretty bad (it's like you KNOW that you need to stop procrastinating, but you really can't help it, so you look calm on the outside but your brain is like AKDHSGHSKGSKJDJK)

Jupiter in 10th in aries is a REALLY GOOD placement. (you get the courage to go after what you want, especially in terms of career) and if Jupiter is Trine/sextile with saturn, then it's even better

Uranus in 5th can mean having flings with people that are not your usual type. (one of my friends came to Italy this year, and the first thing she did was hook up with an Italian guy 😭😭, she's Indian)

Aries in 2nd is an impulsive shopping placement (if you have it and you think you need something, you don't) (one of my friends had this last year and he bought a hat for €150...... Yeah. He has saturn in 2nd this year and he's finally facing the consequences of his actions)

I know that saturn in 8th is associated with difficulties in sex and intimacy but there's another side to it (a lot of my friends have had this, and they became really mature about sexual matters, like if they were previously very into the hook up culture then that year they were more cautious and had this "I'm going to have sex with the person who I genuinely like or love" mentality)

This is very shocking but I looked at the solar returns of all the married couples I know and the year in which they got married, NONE OF THEM had a 7th house stellium 💀💀. For men, I didn't notice a pattern, but for women, 90% of them had Venus positively aspecting saturn (mostly, Trine and sextile but 2 had a conjunction)

My favorite solar return placement has to be mercury conjunct Jupiter, if its happening in capricorn or virgo, then you're really precise and direct with your words, a very leader type aura for that year. If it's in libra, then good for flirting and talking to your crush, there's a high chance they'll fall for your charms. If it's in pisces, then it's your sign to start a cult.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[taffywabbit]

idk if i'm way off the mark on this, but the way some people are responding to that Guillermo del Toro interview about the decline of studio animation is a bit frustrating to me. specifically the bit where he talks about "emoji animation" and how everything is over-animated and pushed too far and things are rarely allowed to not be ultra-cartoony (y'know, because animation always needs to be marketable to children who are never trusted to have attention spans, right?). like, i think he's generally correct about it! but some folks are taking the wrong message away from that.

i've seen people going off about how "soulless" and "corporate" various recent examples are, and talking about these pieces of media as though they're the result of some kind of personal failing or lack of skill/range on the part of the animators, and it's just like. do people realize that's the only animation you're usually allowed to DO in the industry, unless you get incredibly lucky and land yourself on a project/studio that's unusually cool?

when i was in college for animation it was literally drilled into us nonstop that everything had to be pushed more, that exaggeration was not a guideline or a sometimes-treat but a hard rule that always had to be applied regardless of what was going on, because the viewer couldn't be trusted to pick up on subtlety and we sure as hell couldn't be trusted to convey it. you ever wonder why there's such a specific vibe to a lot of self-directed student films, particularly ones that are focused on character acting/interaction or deep emotions and introspection (especially when there's minimal/no dialogue)? it's because for a lot of young animators, they haven't had the freedom to experiment with realism and subtlety up to that point and they're likely not going to have it again for a while (or at all, unless their career path leads to higher positions where they might have more creative direction over the things they work on. which also becomes a lot less likely if they're anything other than a cishet white dude, for what it's worth).

i would LOVE to see more nuanced, realistic, understated motion and acting in animation. i WANT more characters to be able to express what they're feeling through natural body language and facial cues and for scenes to allow me to breathe instead of spelling everything out in giant bold flashing text all the time. what del Toro wants to see changed in the animation industry sounds great, and i hope others join him in seeking to revamp what modern animation is allowed to be.

but as things currently stand, and as they've stood for a long while now, most artists doing the grunt work on the shows and movies you see are completely at the mercy of corporations and networks who have a vested interest in producing a very specific kind of marketable and cost-efficient media all the time. (and by extension that style is ALSO what's taught in most animation schools, because their job more than anything is to grind you down into a perfect little sweatshop worker who will bend over backwards to meet quotas and get your work approved and not question the higher-ups, even if you have little to no personal investment in the projects you're working on, so that the studios who employ you can maintain their good reputations or whatever)

anyways idk what my point was here, this really just sorta became a rant and my views have undoubtedly been coloured by my own personal experiences (this kinda shit is largely why i dropped out before my last year of animation school, for the record).

i guess just be kind to folks in the animation industry? they've had it fucking rough nonstop for well over a century (the majority of them are still not unionized and there's HUGE pushback against doing so in many places). i assure you they are doing their best to infuse the latest uninspired illumination flick or weird spinoff kids' show with literally any amount of soul they can. you don't have to like the stuff that gets produced by any means! be a hater! i'm certainly not gonna stop you. just remember where these creative decisions come from and why these conditions exist, and consider that when YOU watched something and thought "hmm that could've been done better", you can bet your ass someone actually working on it probably thought the same thing but couldn't do anything about it. these things WILL change as the industry itself improves, but in the meantime folks have to pay their rent, and that usually means doing what they're told and working in a way that will minimize revisions and meet quotas so they can keep their jobs. it sucks, but it is what it is.

[kittenintheden]

Smut Writing Tips

I could go on for 600 years on this so I cut myself off at seven basic tips for improving your smut writing. I don't know how to name this something that isn't suggestive so fuck it we ride at dawn etc. If you're having trouble writing smut/improving your smut writing, here are a few things that might help? I'm not the ultimate authority, do whatever you want, take what serves you and leave the rest, etc.

1) Get in touch with what turns you on. You can take this literally or figuratively. You don't have to be sexually active or even sexually aroused to write smut! It's not required. But you should know what gets you going, you know? Because whatever you're into, there are other people out there who are into it, too. Writing the things you're passionate about translates to the page. If you're disconnected from what you're writing, it's going to read that way.

2) Practice by translating a personal fantasy to text. THIS IS FOR YOU ONLY. Unless you like it enough to share? But this is an exercise to get you past the initial discomfort and embarrassment of writing sexy scenes. Many of us have romantic or sexual fantasies, even those on the ace/aro spectrum. When they live in our head, they feel safe. When we put them to the page, they suddenly EXIST in a space where someone else can theoretically perceive them. Getting comfortable with that takes a little bit of work/practice.

3) Try writing from the POV of the subject of the reader's desire. When I smut, I write from my OC's POV sometimes, but more often... I write from Astarion's. That's intentional. It's hot to feel DESIRED, to feel WANTED. Being in the subject's head means that the reader is experiencing that desire for themselves. There's power and sexiness in knowing you're making someone feel that way.

4) Physical description and positioning is great, but how do they FEEL? If you've ever heard the term "male gaze," you know it's frequently applied to visual media, especially where the subjects are treated as objects to be observed rather than people with interior thought and feeling. Smut WRITING gives us the opportunity to both describe the actions taking place and also the internal responses of the characters. It's not just what goes where, it's how that makes the body feel, the mind, the heart. It deepens the scene. Not everything needs to be "making love," but the tension and character interaction are still vital.

5) Realism is a fine base but it's not required. Look, there are a lot of smut tropes out there that are not REMOTELY based on reality and we love them anyway because a big part of this style of writing is the FANTASY of the thing. Like, yes, it's going to take some readers out if you're describing a position that's not physically possible. That's something that should be workshopped. But like. People come here for sex pollen and knotting. It's okay to be a little weird. Just consider the fantasy logistics.

6) Sometimes a little humor or awkwardness adds to the experience. Not everything has to be peak romance of the highest order, you know? Sex is messy and weird. If the participants can be a bit messy and weird together, it's both character-building and endearing. Don't be afraid to be like, oh this resulted in fluids and now we have to take care of that.

7) The tension is as important as the cumshot. Yeah I said that. An important piece of writing burning-hot smut is properly building tension. You can do that in a few words or many words. The ANTICIPATION, the WANTING, the not-quite-there-but-god-I-wanna-be of it all. It makes the release that much sweeter.

[emilybeemartin]

Hey! Hey, would you like to be a park ranger?

USA Jobs just posted a bunch of national park ranger positions for summer 2024--everything from small historic sites to the big flagship parks like Yellowstone and Yosemite. These are seasonal positions specifically for interpretive rangers, which means you begin around May-ish and end around September-October-ish. Interpretation is the branch of the NPS that does educational programming and frontline visitor services, like working in the visitor centers, leading guided walks and talks, and just generally interacting with the public in a friendly, helpful way.

If you have a four-year college degree in just about any subject (honestly, I've worked with people with degrees ranging from theater to business to geoscience), or 12 months' relevant work experience (customer service, retail, education, camp counseling, etc), or a combination of the two, you're eligible to apply. All you need is a resume and transcripts if you're using education to qualify.

Just go to USAJobs.gov and search for "park ranger interpretation" in the search bar. The key things you're looking for in the results are listings from the National Park Service, the code GS 5 (which is the entry level for this position), and the phrase Not to Exceed 1039 hours (which indicates it's a seasonal position).

Some tips!

>Each application requires you to answer a questionnaire about your experience with things like customer service, preparing educational programs, researching scientific topics, etc. Be generous with yourself on these, because other folks will be. Even if you don't think you're an "expert" in something, consider your past work creatively. Have you presented research projects in class? Have you worked retail? Can you keep up a professional demeanor when somebody's upset? You have the qualifications. Rate yourself as such.

>Be thorough and specific in your resume. The NPS isn't a one-pager resume organization. They need to see evidence that you have the qualifications you say you do. The best way to ensure this is to copy, word for word, the phrases in the above questionnaire and insert them in the relevant places in your resume. So if the questionnaire says "Can you research, prepare, and present scientific information to a lay public," go to the appropriate place in your resume and write "I researched, prepared, and presented scientific information to my peers" or something similar. I kid you not, my current resume is ten pages long.

>Cover letters are optional but helpful! There are lots of templates online to help you write one; be sure to be professional. Mine is around 250 words and has three short paragraphs:

1- Position I'm applying for

2- Quick summary of most relevant work/education experience

3- Additional skills/rizz that makes me stand out (for me it's writing/illustrating, which helps me create visitor programs)

>Two things the NPS loves that will boost you are foreign language skills and being a US military veteran. Highlight these elements if you have them.

>Are you a schoolteacher? Check out the Teacher-Ranger-Teacher program.

>The big flashy parks are posted as standalone listings, but most of the others are bundled into "Multiple Locations" that are based on region. Consider applying for many of these smaller monuments and historic sites---they get far fewer applicants and are easier to secure. And many are absolutely beautiful. Want to work at Arches? Also apply to Natural Bridges. Want to work in Yellowstone? Also try Lassen Volcanic. Prefer history over science? You have dozens of amazing options from every facet of American history.

>Apply today! Apply now! Many of these parks cap their applicants because they get so many, and the rest will close after a week or so. A glance at the ones that were posted today and yesterday show them either closing on October 15 or 22. Some regions haven't posted yet, so keep checking the website in the next few weeks.

I love my work as a park ranger---it's such a rewarding way to spend a summer (or two, or ten), and it can open doors to other things. You won't get rich, but you will make great friends and great memories, add a killer section to your resume, and spend four months immersed with smart, passionate people in some of the coolest places in the US.

Plus you get a SICK HAT

[ronkeyroo]

A positive Update

Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍

Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...

2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...

It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.

From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.

Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...

I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.

As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.

I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;

THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.

So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)🧡

I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!

Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh

[roach-works]

As A Queer who’s made it in the trades, do you have any advice for other Queers, visible or not, to breaking into the sector?

i don't have any advice for women other than shoot your shot and be brave, because every workplace ive ever been in SAYS they want more women but oh gee women just don't APPLY, but if you look like a guy you just show up, don't pick fights, and let people assume whatever they assume.

if you've never had factory experience before you can either lie or make up a dad who taught you lots of home improvement projects or focus on the physical aspects of other jobs that left you with plenty of experience in packing, handling, basic tool use, forklift driving, truck loading, etc. if you want an actual trade skill you should look up college and trade school classes, or see if you can join a union and get classes from a union hall, or, again, lie your way in.

like. so many young men in the trades are so so bad at their jobs, it's expected that every now and then a dumbass on too many drugs is hired and he breaks important things and turns up late and falls asleep somewhere weird for awhile before getting fired again. ive watched at least eight of these men cycle through my factory in the last year. the last one ran over a welding machine with a truck before breaking his leg by dropping a beam on himself and then quitting because he wasn't getting paid enough (mood). so like if you show up and are a dumbass that arrives on time, works late, cleans up their area, and doesn't break anything too expensive, and doesn't mysteriously vanish after a month, you have a good shot at keeping your position forever. im genuinely not very good at my job and at least one guy everywhere i work hates me for being a mouthy little fag, but the state of the trades is that if you're not actively on drugs and fire and trying to punch your boss, you probably get to keep your job indefinitely.

my other advice is: if you're trans, and you work in manufacturing, do your best to pass and never admit you're trans. things get bad weird, very fast, and you're surrounded by big guys with power tools. you don't have to pass very well, because the trades are full of a wide variety of the weirdest men in the world and almost none of them have a functional gaydar, but you do have to at minimum not volunteer the information that you're trans.

like. you can if you want. the results will be educational. but no one will be learning anything they wanted to know from this event.

EDIT: start working out though. you NEED to be able to safely lift 30-40lb to start out with and 50-100+ is ideal. if you can't carry around 50 lb for at least a short ways (on and off trucks, on and off tables, on and off dollys) you're risking throwing your back out which is a lifelong bigtime problem. make sure you can lift, bro!

[rou-luxe]

please elaborate on the grandpa clavis bc I don't know much about Alfons, so idk what to think about that 😭

hEHehEhhAaAaHAHA LET'S GO I HAVE PERMISSION TO GET THE IDEA OUT OF MY HEAD (cracks knuckles) I love them both

analysis under the cut spoilers for Clavis, light spoilers for Alfons

I kinda quit Alfons route early to go to the English server release because my brain is too lazy to translate everything 😭 so this is just from what I know about him. this is doomed to be inaccurate 💀

warning this gets off topic in some places because my analysis ideas carried me a bit too far because I love them

The central point is that they both use pleasurable experiences to ignore reality. Alfons focuses a LOT on the pleasure part of that, as seen from erm his lack of sleep and mentions it plenty in voicelines. Alfons also applies this philosophy to people other than himself. Alfons sometimes protects MC from uncomfortable realities, like the scene where he and Ellis kill someone, and uses his power to convince MC that it was just a play (Kate LOVES plays).

As seen from his profile, Alfons heavily resents pain of any sort. I already forgot when exactly (chapter 4 premium avatar challenge?), but at some point, MC is crying and he consoles them before you know- this is just an assumption, but I think he doesn't want any sort of emotional turmoil in those close to his heart. He keeps reassuring Elbert that he is much more beautiful than MC without hesitation. Not only is he making sure MC is safe and doesn't get in a horror-esque story (nervously looks at Elbert trailer), he's also making sure that Elbert doesn't get jealous to the point of performing taxidermy on a person... because the events leading up to that would hurt them both. This makes Alfons feel so kind and considerate ngl 😭

Clavis wants to be loved by all. The game sometimes describes him as "lonely" - this is likely because he was overshadowed by Chev as a kid, and because he felt so shaken by his mother's death that he needed attention from others to feel more complete. It also connects to his pranks. He wants to feel something, anything to pretend he's not dying inside. Whether the attention he gets is positive or negative, at least he feels something.

It's mentioned quite a lot in his path that the more pained / scared Clavis is feeling, the more he smiles. It's sort of his coping mechanism. By smiling, he can pretend everything is alright (HIS MOM 😭😭 I'M GONNA FUHGKING CRY SHE MUST'VE BEEN SO SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL AND Cybird I want to see his mom).

He also does somewhat force MC to be around him, but it's not in a Silvio way, it comes off more clingy to me. He's been left alone, abandoned so many times, that he can't bare the pain of loneliness anymore. And thus we get dragged to his breakfast parties. Another coping mechanism. Clavis gets to spend time with MC every morning, gets to cook for her (...it's the thought that counts) and terrorize a couple of his half-brothers... just to forget it all. Clavis even escapes from his prison cell just to see you, the light of his life. (I love him)

"Sylvatica" comes from the scientific name for "forget-me-not". This one is completely an assumption that seems rather unlikely, but perhaps like Clavis, Alfons wants to be remembered somehow.

I can't remember if this was legit or not because I've been scrolling through Tumblr too much but I remember seeing a post that went something like: "Alfons has MC sign (something) papers because after he dies, his curse will make him forgotten and he just wants something to prove that he loved MC" or something. (That post broke my heart so bad.) Is that why he's called a "phantom"?

In summary:

They both have their own ways of ignoring reality, and they are both up to trickery (especially when it comes to MC). Both endulge in enjoyment, it's part of their lifestyle. doesn't necessarily refer to seggs but it does sure sound like it

I'm not quite sure where Alfons' ignorance originates, but all Clavis wants is to be loved. Give him the love.

Okay onto the shorter sillier theories because my heart can't take this

Clavis' epithet is "The Pleasure-Loving Beast", and Alfons' is "The Hedonistic Thrill-Seeker".

Clavis likes tricks and teasing, and so does Alfons. Though Clavis does that MUCH more often.

They also act like they're fucking around but they actually know what they're doing.

They pretend to be worse than they are 😭 (omg shakespeare too... is that my type... 💀)

Others have made this remark before but Alfons feels like a darker Clavis + more unhinged

They both like to cook. And eat. And they both have stomachs of steel.

sword

They both have bad handwriting. Clavis is notorious for this, and Alfons says he has bad handwriting in the first letter of his path.

Fuck I forgot I had science homework due tomorrow

edit: I forgot another one they both are self-described "gentlemen" 😭😭

[pityroadart]

since the tags on my Lewis hands painting have mostly been along the lines of #WATERCOLOR?! HOW? (thank you!!) I figured I may as well do a wee step by step of how I painted the skin)

(disclaimer: I did not take many photos of the different stages, so you'll just have to trust the power of my narration)

(above) first up: the reference was from the Met Gala, as posted on Lewis Hamilton's Instagram. I can't take credit for the framing/pose — that was all the photographer

here's my cleaned up sketch and the first couple layers — I did a wash of colour on the hands first (quin burnt sienna PO48 quin maroon PR209 pigments my beloved, the best for warmer/deeper skin tones), added in a layer of shadows in the same colour to build structure, then got the inky black background in (mostly burnt umber PBr7 & French ultramarine PB29 I believe, with a bit of Roman Szmal's shadow grey too)

I kinda wish I'd left the background like that, but hey this whole piece was an experiment so I'll learn from it next time

next I added in further shading to the hands — again with the same skin tones as before, in different concentrations depending on the area, with the addition of some redder and darker tones too where needed. I also painted in the tattoos here — making sure they're under a layer or two of watercolour settles them into the skin like a real tattoo, rather than them looking sharpied on

And then! this is where the magic happens, and the part I'm most pleased with: by the stage of the first image above, the shadows were great in terms of position/shade, but felt a bit too blocky and stylised for the piece. So, if you get to the same issue (whether painting skin or clothing or anything with softer and more rounded contours), what you wanna do is:

make a pool of incredibly diluted skin tone mix on your palette. Literally, just water with a subtle hint of colour, roughly the same value as your highlights

get your softest brush. Nope, softer than that. In watercolour brushes, 'springy' is the opposite to 'soft', so you want bristles that don't really bounce back to their original shape if you push the wet brush against a firm surface. I'm using the Silver Black Velvet brush I've been using for the whole painting, but ideally a squirrel/sable or synthetic sable brush is gonna work

gently paint that diluted skin tone wash over the whole of the area (the hands, in this piece). This is why you want your softest brush, so as not to disturb the paint underneath too much. It also helps if the pigments you've been using are more staining (resistant to lifting). In general, phthalos and quinacridones are most staining, and granulating pigments least so. I've been using earth quinacridones here, which are moderately staining. Using good quality 100% cotton paper also helps

before that diluted wash is dry, get some paper towel and dab out the highlights. This keeps the edges softer and more natural than if you just painted around them

the wash you applied should have been just enough to soften those hard edges of shading you had previously, leaving lovely soft and more realistic transitions. Ta-dah!

then, off-camera, I added the darkest shading, painted in the gold, and felt it was missing something so added some scribbly highlights in 'ivory' coloured pencil. And that's that! It did involve a lot more swearing and complaining than I've just made it seem, but the skin part at least was something I'm used to.

[rkaln]

was wondering if you only draw lee as the top or if you would ever make them switch 👀

I KNEW THIS QUESTION WOULD COME UP SOMEDAY SO

*inhales deeply*

im ready LET'S TALK ABOUT IT (look who likes to talk about fucking)

im too old to think that people in relationships don't change roles, so absolutely always one way or another I still perceive characters as switches, but I usually think about why/how

1. Gaara is just a person who is very bad at perceiving his body and in his "physical sensation", so for quite a long time I have been presenting him exclusively as bottom. At the same time, Lee, on the contrary, as a person who has put most of his life into training, should feel-be aware of-understand his body very well.

2. ...and because of the sandy armor, I think that Gaara is actually very sensitive physically, (a meme of the lvl - I'm not sensitive at all - gets rid of the sandy armor and gets a kiss behind the ear - … WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT) but at the same time he has practically no tactile experience, but there is too much tactile hunger. at the same time (obviously) that gaara in my perception carries a very submissive character - for the same reasons, including the fact that pain and suppression in general are new to him

he purposefully tried to injure himself as a child, but could not + the act of imprinting kanji on his forehead looks exclusively like selfharm

needless to say, at the same time, Lee is the first to let him feel SUCH a physical impact

with his character and strength, no one could really make him feel physically "crushed" by someone, and if in the end someone attacked, it was with a sense of fear

although it looks like he was constantly running into it lol

so when someone takes an active position, it gives the feeling that the person has no fear of you, he does not perceive you "stronger" and he has enough confidence in character/ strength

SO, in my eyes, Gaara is a pretty provocative bitch, and as they once perfectly told me in a dialogue that Gaara is purposefully trying to anger / annoy Lee - "each of them has not met a guy who is not afraid of their strength and who thinks it's pretty hot to see how he uses all This power"

at the same time, he has a huge sense of guilt inside and a huge accumulation of suppressed emotions (which include the desire for someone else's intimacy)

and a huge sense of responsibility to everyone in a new role as kazekage (we also apply age), that is… there are literally no things in which you could feel free, irresponsible and not think about how it might affect you (I think this is exactly what was touched upon in my parts about akatsuki!Lee) so in the end, this whole combination is reflected in the fact that for a long time not feeling his body well enough, he is comfortable being in such a position, taking maximum to satisfy tactile hunger and the need for someone else's intimacy, and at the same time giving control into other hands.

(fck, look at this piece from the exam. IT REFLECTS what im talking abt. It's just how many people Gaara has met who would react to such a thing like Lee with such enthusiasm lol)

at the same time, Lee actually likes to show off quite a lot and he has more aggressive vibes than Guy (this is one of the basic things in which I feel their difference)

of course, the first acquaintance with Lee. who, well, just decided to stuff Sasuke's face, hitting Naruto along the way.

there are still endless discussions about the fact that Lee lost most of the fights because of his desire to show off (including the fight with gaara, which in general he could have won if he had acted smarter, rather than using EVERYTHING HE COULD AT ONCE)

like the fight where he came to Sakura's aid. Lotus, dude, really? he could have just turned them into a stampede by removing the weights.

fcking shit, a series about a drunken fist. What did he do? he just started destroying everything around with SUCH ENTHUSIASM.

VERY UNDERESTIMATED MOMENTS IN THE FILLER ABOUT THE SECOND EXAM. about "losing his temper"- in a scuffle in the kitchen, for a while he tried to stop the fight with WORDS, but in the end he just uses force. With Shira, he wants first of all… to fight. and the last, super important (for me, apparently) - when they encounter those who betrayed Shira, Shira does not want to follow them. while Lee does not accept this point of view, and runs away after them… (to BEAT THEIR FACES IS IT WORTH SAYING)…because he felt that they had no right to do so and should get punched in the face for their behavior. by the way, it was about the same in the filler about curry (a piece out of context looks doubtful lol / but I can't add a second video, but I'll add a link this)

let's move on

3. I'm adding my headcanon about the first sex. I am sure, due to Gaara's weak sense of ethics, he would be the first to come to a firm decision that we NEED SEX lol, bcse this is a simple logic

"are we together? - when people together, do they have sex? - we must to have sex"

and I'm sure he came to it quite easily (not like Lee), and until the last moment he was quite confident and calm… until they reached the bed, conditionally. the lack of sand armor makes him feel insecure and too vulnerable, which he is not used to, and his body turns out to be much more sensitive than he could have thought, which with the "WELL, LET'S GO FUCK" approach turns out to be TOO MUCH, so he just can't. so Lee, being… Well, you know. being Lee. he just calms him down and, lying on top, offered to just lie there for now, just letting him feel his body. also, in general, I imagine in the same place that Lee is just trying to provide him with tactile sensations without sexual overtones, which Gaara did not have. where it concerns body parts that are not usually thought of. elbows. between his fingers. the back of the knee. an angular bone on the foot. so these are just touches that helped to connect more with the sensations of your body.

-> and yes, it's clear that it was all a matter of time. this still applies to the story about the submissive, because it develops logically: after you study the body and its reactions sexually, and then you just want to get more and more. The approach is to "just do something (anything) else with my body" and feel it again and in a new way, when overall tactile hunger becomes more obvious and behavior becomes more provocative.

Well, now you know the reasons, you can move on to changing roles.

I imagine a change of roles in adulthood, although I do not think that this happens quite often. …in addition to submissive traits, after speeches about "getting out of myself", I think that gaara has a disciplinary kink in the role of the top (in general, in the role of the bottom too, it is just demonstrated differently, the approach is of course, just from the position of the top from bottom) and having brought their needs to stability, the need to shift "control" is no longer the same, but at the same time it is quite typical for Gaara's character to keep everything under control. we put all this together - therefore, the top with a disciplinary kink, playing doubly on the fact that Lee holds discipline enough by himself. delaying orgasm, fixation, permission to cum and praise for obedience - all. here.

changing roles is always normal when people are in stable, comfortable relationships, where most of the problems have been worked out - it's just new opportunities and that's it. of course, there are still some preferred patterns of behavior, but this is still just a variant of expressing love/desire for a partner.

therefore, if we summarize all the timings and my general idea of "preferred patterns", then Gaara seems to me more like a top from bottom and Lee as service top.

and yes, considering that this may change depending on the time and level of the relationship,

for example, going back to the recent sktch about blood, this is the part where Gaara looks to me like a greedy and demanding top from bottom, just fuck me RIGHT. NOW.

just like for Lee, there are situations where, instead of a top service, he goes into top mode (this is more related to exasperation after another Gaara "oh, and what are you going to do for it/you don't sound threatening").

and where Lee could just as well be the bottom one, because "I will keep you on the verge of orgasm until morning in all ways, until you start begging for permission to cum 😌✨"

[nail-art-no-jutsu]

🎶🌹 Rojuro 'Rose' Otoribashi headcanons 🌹🎶

Soundtrack: Alexis Ffrench - A Time of Wonder

Y'all I'm back on the bleachwagon and I can't stop thinking about this man, I especially love to imagine how he got to where he is, and finally I'm putting all my ideas in one place. So without further ado:

I don't think he grew up in Soul Society, but I definitely think he died at the worst possible time, when he was young and life was good and easy, and he had time to indulge in his hobbies, music in particular

like Toshiro, Rose heard the calling of Kinshara before he knew what it was, he just thought it was just something that happens to artists after they die

but unlike Toshiro, I imagine Rose told everyone, cause he just talks a lot in general lmao, and someone or other must have told him that what he's describing is called a zanpakuto

otherwise he wouldn't have gone and become a Shinigami at all

he was only interested in the training he needed in order to understand this creative force inside of him that he absolutely must express outwardly, and no instrument seems to be good enough

... except for a sword ...

he absolutely hated the Academy though, not enough room for creative freedom, too much structure, no composing daydreaming in class allowed, not to mention how he always got the best ideas for songs he wanted to write while he was in the middle of a training session

the only good thing about the Academy was meeting many of the people he would call friends for way over a hundred years

Rose didn't acquire shikai or even bankai in order to advance in his career or to become more powerful, he did so because it would have been impossible not to

Kinshara is very insistent and when it has something to show him, he has no choice, not that he doesn't absolutely love the experience, it's so magnificent that it moves him to tears of joy, it's ecstatic, it's sensory heaven

Rose: look at this thing I just learned to do, isn't this wonderful? Any of his friends: my dude, that's called a shikai, go apply for the position of Lieutenant. right now!!!!

he goes through a phase where he's uncomfortable with the fact that Kinshara doesn't just entertain, it kills

he'd be a lover not a fighter if it wasn't for how much farther he got artistically after learning to use his love for music for fighting

he overcomes this dilemma by telling himself that it's fine actually because he's one of the good guys, and promising that he'll only blur the line between creation and destruction against opponents who really deserve it

how do you identify that? he'll cross that bridge when he gets to it. don't worry about it

Rose didn't have a good time as a Lieutentant, again, too much structure, but he actually did apply for the position of Captain himself, at least that way he'd get to make the rules and he could take breaks whenever he wanted and procrastinate with his paperwork until he found the perfect background music for it and so on

this did not work out that great, because he had a very hard time working with Iba's mother as his Lieutenant, she had no patience for *gestures towards all of this*, and I also suspect she might have been resentful that someone so carefree ended up as her superior

and to fast forward just for a bit, Izuru is not like that at all, and it's one of the first things that Rose appreciates about him, Izuru does respect structure, but he's not above doing the work in all kinds of unusual ways as long as it gets done

a thing that Rose shares with Shinji is that he's always been interested in what's going on in the world of the living, especially when it comes to music, and then he branched out to literature, philosophy, pop culture, and other things that are referenced in lyrics, that's how he learns about things, even if after that he starts enjoying them for their own sake

I can see them both taking trips to music stores or to concerts on Earth, separately or together, especially when they were supposed to be doing something else

Rose just really needs a lot of enrichment in his enclosure or else he absolutely will wilt and perish, most gracefully, of course~

he is in fact not a snob when it comes to music, he knows the lyrics to songs you'd least expect, and he can appreciate the artistic value of artists or genres that he doesn't really listen to

you wanna rickroll him? nice try, he loves that song

and yeah, this is getting so long someone pls take my keyboard away from me

just kidding, this is way too much fun 💖

[eggcats]

I'm still (always) thinking about my Housewife Vox AU, so here are my sexuality/history/etc headcanons for Alastor and Vox in it

(I kind of have more for Alastor here, bc almost all of my Hazbin ships involve him so he's the one I've thought about more - I kind of keep similar headcanons no matter what ship I'm thinking of, tbh).

I'm also going to write Alastor being in a rut in this AU, because those fics are always fun, and he will be having sex but it'll be more in a "my mate is aroused and I must please them" kind of way, if that makes sense? I kind of see him as sex-neutral/positive asexual, even in a rut, but the rut makes him a little (lot) more feral and in less control of his instincts. (This is why, before he got into a relationship with Vox, he's never really been affected by the sexual aspects of a rut, because he's only interested in sex as far as his mate is).

(I know my fic kind of tiptoes around any possible consent issues, but I think having Alastor react like this kind of solves it in a way, because he's only interested in making his mate feel good so if Vox didn't want something or began to not like it, Alastor would immediately stop to comfort his mate. However, since he's never before had ANY of his deer/demonic instincts really show before, none of them are sure how he'll react this time, hence the concern).

(I don't mean this in a way to insult any other Alastor-rut fics, trust me I love them, this is just how I'm writing mine here).

I put a readmore here bc I realized how many words I was writing and didn't want to clog your dash, lol.

Alastor:

Asexual - is generally so uninterested he has never masturbated or even considered doing so; knows and understands sex (in a baseline level) but doesn't know anything further as he never wanted to engage or see it; still is only interested in it in a way to experience/watch Vox enjoy himself, wouldn't engage on his own otherwise

Possibly aromantic - the line between "romantic love" and "this person belongs to me" is essentially the same to him, could not tell you the difference (side note: neither can I)

Doesn't know either of those things

Just thinks "I'm the only normal motherfucker alive/in hell when it comes to relationships" and has not had a single question in regards to himself since

Doesn't really understand the difference between being friends/roommates and being in a relationship (hence when he found out that Vox liked him, he was like ah, okay. I don't need to change anything here, since he thinks we're in a relationship, this must be what people DO in a relationship. No need to mention any of this to Vox, surely)

When eventually I do make him have sex, he doesn't really have a preference in position. Generally, I'll include him as the more dominant partner (especially with Vox), but that's more because that's what VOX wants, and Alastor is being intimate for Vox. He has no real preference on who tops and who bottoms, as long as Vox is enjoying himself (and Alastor gets enjoyment out of the act when Vox is)

The same applies to dancing - Alastor teaches Vox how to swing dance, but once Vox learns and becomes more comfortable, a lot of their dancing has them constantly switching the lead and following position, based on whatever they feel like doing at the time

Despite living in the 20s/30s is fairly open minded about a lot of things relating to gender and sexuality, because he lived in the vice district in New Orleans and was exposed to a lot of that (either growing up, or living there as a serial killer, or both).

Some parts of me think that after he murdered his father when he was only around 13-15 (another headcanon of mine), his mother needed a way to make money and so they moved to the vice district, and so Alastor knew and grew up with sex workers and cross-dressers and saw how they were treated by police/society, and so has no issues with them.

Living there when he was a serial killer was also useful, because no one bothers anyone to avoid the risk of setting the police on you.

He doesn't know a lot of more modern terms for things, but Vox wanting to wear a dress doesn't concern him, nor does being in a relationship with a man, since those were things he not only had experienced/seen when he was alive, he's also been in hell for 20 years which is, as a whole, a lot more open minded about things. (I did try to keep him ignorant of more modern things, tho, like he doesn't know anything about things he would have only seen/experienced in hell because he doesn't care about people or relationships, really).

Probably some form of autistic (same, bestie) and takes a lot of cues about how their relationship should be from Vox (which is why he originally didn't feel the need to change his behavior even when he found out Vox was interested in him, because it didn't occur to him at all, and only discovered Vox was sexually interested when it was shoved in his face - however, now that he knows, he's taken a much more active/possessive role in their relationship, including a sexual aspect)

--

Vox:

(Previously) closeted bisexual

Grew up/lived/married/died in middle Americana, white picket fence, 2.5 children, all the houses looking identical, 1950s desperate housewives edition, the whole shebang

DID have a cult, but I'm thinking less Manson, and more "televangelist who extorts his flock for money/power" - this is why he has his hypnosis powers (he doesn't really have them/have discovered them yet, but that's because he's never really had a chance to explore his powers in any real capacity - he basically showed up in hell and then was kidnapped and wifed up immediately)

Did have a wife and children, but wasn't interested in either of them - had them more so because he "had" to and it would look bad for his image, not out of any attraction or love to his wife

All of this contributes to him doing everything he can to try to hide his attraction to Alastor, because he had to do so in life

He's Really Bad At Hiding It tho, because living with Alastor (who, even before he learned Vox was interested in him, has very little boundaries to physical space and just grabs and touches him all the time) is different than being a little attracted to your neighbor

Also, no one in hell calls him out on it, so he never quite realizes how obvious he comes across

Does eventually start his side of the media business, with the help of Alastor, to combine both radio and television to take over the airwaves entirely - becomes the Television/Video Demon, to complete the Radio Demon

Stops Alastor from murdering any and all other media demons/demons who have similar powers over the airwaves, and instead makes deals for their souls to work for him - this is where a lot of his initial power/dealmaking comes from as he rises to also be an Overlord; even when Alastor is the one who finds a media demon he basically just kidnaps them and drops them at Vox's feet like a cat presenting a half-dead mouse to it's owner

--

(Note: I'm aware that Alastor is canonically asexual and he's still in my AU, and I've heard back and forth about him being canonically aromantic and I'm unsure if you'd classify him as aro here too. I'm ace, and I think (maybe?) I might be on the aro spectrum, but regardless I kind of write Alastor like how I'd see relationships/would develop into one in a similar way. I'm not interested in sex or anything, and I've been interested in people/relationships very rarely (and those I am, once I become close friends I'm usually like, oh cool, yay), so I'm kind of using myself as a baseline to figure out how Al feels about things here.

That being said, I don't agree with people harassing other creators who DON'T make Alastor ace or aro in their fics or art, bc it's fan content and so it doesn't matter. Changing a sexuality in a fanfic isn't the same as Actual Erasure and it's wild that people claim that, because I've been reading fanfic since I was 13 and I PROMISE you none of those characters were as queer as I was reading them, lmao. Despite all evidence to the contrary, when they grew up Naruto and Sasuke did NOT fuck nasty in the Hokage office, no matter how much they should have.

Sorry rant, over.)

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

Weird question but do you think its possible to become a zookeeper without a degree? I'm 29 and don't have the time, energy, or money to go back to college and fear I've missed my chance at my dream career. I'm not sure how to get experience or what I could possibly do to help my resume.

It’s definitely possible! Not super common, but possible - and much more so than it would have been a couple of years ago.

When I was in college (early 2010s) and wanting to enter the field, there was a pretty clear pipeline: four year degree, unpaid summer internships, then apply for a part-time or temp position somewhere, and volunteer somewhere until you get a first job. This is still somewhat of the way it’s done at bigger AZA facilities.

But, interestingly enough, things are changing. There’s two things really driving that. The first is the massive push for increased DEAI efforts in the zoo industry. After the big commitments AZA and many individual zoos made during the BLM protests in 2020, one of the big conversations that started was how inequitable zoo hiring and especially internship programs are. Requiring four years degrees and large amounts of unpaid labor before getting a job - and paying poverty wages once someone gets that job - biases success entering and staying in the zoo field towards people with generational wealth. I honestly didn’t think the advocacy that stemmed from those discussions would do much, and I’ve been very pleasantly surprised to see that I was wrong! There’s a been a lot of real movement towards creating paid internships and making hiring requirements more equitable. It isn’t happening everywhere, but I know it’s becoming more and more common (and last year there was a ton of presentations about this on the AZA annual meeting schedule, which is a huge deal). The other thing that’s happening is less formal, but equally fascinating. I’ve been present for a lot of discussions about how there’s a disconnect between what zoos are hiring for (formal education, complex resumes) and what skills the job actually requires. It seems like it’s easier to train people to work with animals and learn their behavior than it is to teach people practical skills like how to do manual labor without hurting themselves and operate heavy machinery. I’ve seen some discussions of how some of their most successful new staff have come from adjacent industries or even just other “blue-collar” jobs that involve similar types of work, regardless of what their academic background is. Which is great! Because that adds to equity and diversity of staff across the industry.

To start off the rest of my answer, there has to be a disclaimer that I’m not in hiring, so I can’t say for sure what will get you a job (and while I’ve volunteered and interned, I have never been formally hired as staff by a zoological facility). So my advice for the rest of this comes from watching and listening to a whole ton of industry folk for the past decade or so, and from what I’ve seen my friends do that’s been successful to get jobs in the field.

In terms of experience, the best thing you can do - and I hate to say this, because it does require a level of privilege to be able to do - is volunteer somewhere. It doesn’t have to be at a zoo. Anything that will give you some animal experience for a resume and references will be valuable: shelters, vet offices, riding barns, farms, even 4H. You need to be able to demonstrate that you’ve worked around a variety of species (even if they’re all domestic) and have people who can speak to the fact that you’re diligent, attentive to detail, and have common sense about things like safety protocols. If you can’t volunteer, try to find a job in any of these areas with similar skills. Or where you can learn them! Say you can’t get an animal care job, but you’re good at phones and people - you could get a desk job at an animal shelter, and help out with cleaning and animal enrichment when possible. Boom! Experience!

It’s also important to learn how to shape your current job experience to an application, which is something I can talk more about and maybe pull in advice from folk actually in hiring for. There’s a ton that can be applicable to animal jobs. Office work? You can probably speak to experience with proprietary software systems and record-keeping (which is a bigger deal than you’d think). Construction / landscaping / similar physical labor jobs? You know how to work hard in a range of weather conditions, keep a project on spec, have experience with complex project planning, and probably know a thing or two about basic safety stuff (don’t store heavy things above your head, lift with your legs, etc). You’re basically looking to communicate “I haven’t worked in this field, but here’s all the skills I have that will translate to this job.”

Realistically, if you’re coming in without a degree or a ton of animal experience, you’re much more likely to be able to get a job at smaller, non-AZA facilities to start (they might not even be zoos - there’s sanctuaries and petting zoos and all sorts of other professional animal care gigs). And this is fine and good! There’s lots of good ones out there. You can always use experience gained there to move up in the field, if it’s your dream to work at an AZA facility specifically. And a lot of people do that - you’ll hear some places talk about how they know they’re training zoos, because their staff get a foot in the door and then consistently leave for other facilities after a couple years. But there’s also a lot of reasons to stay with some of the smaller facilities. They’re often in areas with cheaper cost of living, and so a zookeeping salary will go farther. I’ve also seen that a lot of the smaller facilities - ones where like, staff know and interact with the zoo director frequently - tend to take better care of their staff. They may not be able to increase salary, but I’ve seen some of those facilities go the extra mile for their people in other ways when it’s possible. It’s a very different experience than being a small cog in the giant machines that are many AZA zoos. It’s the sort of thing you have to vet carefully, but when you find a small facility that really invests in it’s people, it can be very worthwhile.

You also have to think about the fact that you don’t have to start in zookeeping to get an animal care job! I’ve seen a lot of people start in education or in summer camp staff, and then use the relationship with the facility and their track record in those jobs to transition into animal care. Especially education, if you’ve got the skill-set, because you’re often working with ambassador animals or in collaboration with the teams that care for them. I’ve seen some people start in facilities or ground crew, too, but I think that’s less common. Getting your foot in the door somehow and building relationships is one of the biggest parts of getting a job in the field if you’re not following the traditional pipeline.

If you’re near enough to a smaller facility that you can visit regularly, do. Learn as much as you can about the zoo and what they do and what they’re involved in, to show that you’re interested and invested, and then go talk to someone there. Tell them exactly what you told me: this is a dream, and you’re really interested in their facility specifically, and you’re wondering what you should do to build a resume to apply for a job there. At worst, you’ll get some advice. At best, they might take a chance on you. I’ve heard of it happening. (The hardest part of this is, honestly, figuring out who to talk to - it’s not the sort of thing where you can just ask a keeper while they’re cleaning. But you can find opportunities, and then ask if there’s someone in management who might have time to answer a couple questions.)

So in short: yes. It’ll take some work and time, and probably some free labor, but it’s doable. More so now than any other time recently. Good luck!

[scr33ch1ng]

So,

There really is nothing on system littles. And what I mean is, despite how long I've been searching I can't find much that helps us actually raise a child. System hosts will mention it, sure, or they'll have a specific alter who is great with kids. But we don't have any of that, and I bet other systems are struggling with this too. So, I'm compiling what I've learned in the past year or so and sharing it as an attempt to help.

This is written from my experiences with my little brother, a traumatized headmate around 10 years old. This might not apply to everyone.

Traumatized children require constant reassurance. They might be easily scared or startled by anything, and hold irrational beliefs that everything will hurt them (me too buddy). They can be the most vulnerable and emotional part of a system. This makes them really important, and in a unique position. They DEMAND attention. Even if they are quiet, if they are dissatisfied, it will come back and bite you in the ass. They require patience and special consideration.

You have to make your child headmate feel safe and comfortable. This is easier said than done. It's a lot more complicated than simply buying some toys and watching cartoons. Children have emotional needs, we all do. They need to feel love and feel like they are part of a family. This is why communication is very important. Communication is different with every system, and we communicate via a variety of writings, pinterest boards, dreams, co-fronting, and more direct but vague ways of throwing emotions at each other, and asking questions and receiving a vague response. This is all to say that even if you literally can't hold a conversation, there is many ways to talk to each other.

In order to meet your littles needs you have to know them first. You can assume the basics, yes, but that will only get you so far. Children also aren't known for their excellent communication skills, so this is a process. My little benefits from a pacifier, which was easy to figure out. But it took longer to realize he also wants his own clothing, and he refuses to wear black because it's a color that is worn too frequently by other alters, and he needs to feel like his own person. This might be a bit ridiculous. A color is just a color, right? No one is going to die by wearing black. But to him it is very important, and he will be distressed if he is not wearing clothes comfortable to him.

And the way our system works is it's easy to feel another alter's distress, so there is no point in wigging a systemmate out for no reason. You want to work together to reduce stress. It makes an easier time for everybody.

Anyways. You will have to make compromises. You make compromises just by being a system. I adjusted our living space to be more "child friendly". I removed the animal bones we had on display. I don't buy decor that my child alter would find scary, even if it's a horror movie character I like, even if I think it's not that bad. If you can make your little feel comfortable even by one percent, it's worth it. I adjusted our room to feel more cheerful. I have a shelf of easily accessible toys. I decorated our house more with cute things. Fridge magnets, goodwill figurines, a printed photo of a puppy, anything to make your syskid feel like this is also their space will help .

This is all I have for today. Thanks for reading!

[gummyfang]

Hey, I wanted to let you know that I love your writing, your mind is brilliant 🫶

I don’t normally send in asks, but I saw that you’re open to writing for Anakin, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to make some nsfw head cannons for him? I’d especially love to hear your sub Anakin thoughts because I lot of the content I see about him writes him in a more dominant way (which is awesome, but I’m personally obsessed with submissive anakin)

Once again, you are such a gifted author, thank you for sharing your work 💕

HHHH THANK U SO MUCH FOR UR KIND WORDS <33 honestly I have so many specific interps for Anakin in NSFW situations so I'm excited to share my thoughts. NSFW below read more, duh

♡♡♡ |   ˗ˏˋ Anakin Skywalker NSFW headcanons  ´ˎ˗

Ok first things first I have some strong opinions about what he doesn't do, firstly his experience levels.

Because let's be real, if you're his partner in the first place, you're his first. Anakin is a space monk . The code he lives by essentially forces him into celibacy. Now, we know Anakin tends to discard those rules if he believes the situation calls for a different approach, but he can't do so without caution.

Also, I dunno, he seems so romantically ride or die I don't really see him as someone who'd sneak out and sleep around. Point being, his experience before getting together with you is zero.

He can't find the clit at first.

Be patient with him.

I will say this though, Anakin is an experimental person and not afraid to try new things at the risk of them not working out. This is definitely something that extends to the bedroom. He doesn't exactly have sources to get new positions from so he's just gonna tangle your legs around him in every way he can think of, all to find that new angle that he can fuck you that much better at.

And if it doesn't work, he would much prefer honesty over being told it's fine. This extends to everything in the bedroom tbh, safewords are sacred to him and he takes your comfort very seriously.

Now the perhaps more controversial take. Anakin is a switch for sure, but he has some pretty hard limits when it comes to either.

Dom Anakin

I cannot see him being into degrading you, honestly. Anakin loves you to death. You are ethereal to him. He can't cum with such filthy lies in his mouth.

Nahh Ani is praise all the way for sure. He'd brabble on about how good you look as he cums inside of you. His capacity to respond coherently goes down as he's closer to releasing but how sweetly you moan for him and how perfect you look never leaves his mind.

By extension, I don't think he'd be super into hurting you. Though he is not gonna pass up on some consensual choking and spanking.

And boy, he is mouthy.

As in literally.

While he ruts into you, he either wants his mouth on your lips, on your neck or on your chest.

When he is not babbling his praising comments to you, his mouth needs to be busy in some other way.

If you do not want marks on you, you better tell him, because he is going to have to actively stop himself from teething and sucking purple marks into your neck.

Really likes mutual masturbation as well. He tells himself he won't do it over the comms but. He will. If you or him is on a long-term trip you know damn well he doesn't have the patient to wait for either of you to come back.

Sub Anakin

Now. Sub Anakin. That is a whole other ball park.

Anakin craves control, but getting to give up every ounce of control on his own terms really arouses him.

He has some harder limits, he doesn't enjoy being in too much pain or degradation that is too harsh and personal.

But the humiliation aspects of it make him rock hard.

Honestly. He's kinda into it when he's on his knees in front of you, staring up at you with those expectant eyes, and you just barely apply some pressure on his solid crotch. Not enough for it to hurt, just for him to rut against and then make a soiled mess of his pants.

If you let him, that is. Anakin wants to be a good boy. If you tell him no he will listen.

Oh yeah he is more into sexual denial than you'd probably expect.

Orgasm denial? Hell, nothing makes him harder and whinier than making him watch you get yourself off with him unable to touch you or himself.

Or when you edge him? Make him wait until he's close to sobbing. He wouldn't cry, but if you keep going he will get real desperate.

The longer you deny him, the more he goes from bratty to begging.

HUUUUGE validation kink.

Like HUGE.

He enjoys being denied to an extent but he does want to finish on a high note. Call him a good boy, tell himhow hot he looks when he eats you out... Boy he will go feral.

Haven't written just headcanons in a while so I hope you enjoyed these rambles