#just beautiful and horrible and sad and tragic

[empty-dream]

I hear it, the sound I heard when my village burned. The sound of the world falling apart. They’re all dead. All my loved ones. What point is there in going on living?

Vinland Saga S2 episode 20. Pain

[mirrorhouse]

putting this all under a readmore and not tagging i just wanted to put my thoughts down somewhere .. talking about marius and his fans & tw for mentioning csa / sa

personally. i understand that the marius/armand relationship has been a popular part of the book series for decades and it's fictional and yes i get it. but. i dont understand those fans who encounter people who find it purely horrifying or upsetting and then get mad at them for it. just because of how it's framed in the books as a beautiful gothic love story (filtered through both the author's intention & the skewed perspectives of the two characters involved in it) doesn't mean EVERYONE has to romanticise it and it's only babies or idiots or show only fans who "can't handle gothic fiction".

and then the people who try to convince everyone marius is armand's saviour who only ever treated him with love and kindness really confuse me. like, is it a wholesome relationship built on mutual love? or is it abusive and awful AND loving and caring at the same time? aren't the people who deny marius did anything wrong to armand really the ones who can't stomach enjoying gothic romances and have to twist it into something else?

it's a story of a fully grown man, a millenia old vampire, rescuing a teenager from sex slavery by purchasing him for himself, renaming him, showering him with affection, sexually abusing him, genuinely loving him, treating him like a child and an adult and student and son and lover all at the same time, making his entire world revolve around his master, punishing him emotionally and eventually physically whenever he gets too clingy or aggressive. and it's all done, not under just the 'guise' of love, but from a place of genuine love, and that's how both characters see it. it's entirely damaging and fucked up and the aftereffects of it on armand's mind and sense of self are present for centuries, compounded by everything else he went through. he still draws both comfort and pain from thinking about his past now and even tries to partially recreate the dynamic with someone else both in the book (with daniel, armand taking the role of the master; and keeping young 'mortal slaves' for a time) and in the show (with louis, armand taking the role of the slave)

it is a super fucked up relationship & i'm not one of those people who thinks you shouldn't be allowed to enjoy those in fiction. there's a lot of them that appeal to me obviously, and of course everyone has their own boundaries when it comes to that too. AND i know it's not all marius fans or even all marius/armand fans. i literally don't care what people like in fiction and i think we should all just mind our own business honestly

but it's the people who act like they're the only ones who get that it's just a tragic beautiful romance, that nobody else can read apparently, that 'marius haters' are just looking for things to be mad at that make me go ???????

[ruthlesslistener]

The Soulsborne series really does something utterly outstanding that I don't see many other games do and its that it makes their imperialistic empires and the warlords who drive them look magnificent and glorious and nostalgic without ever really masking the sheer fucking horror that they've done to everything around them. Rather than painting them as twisted, inhuman monstrosities that are caricatures of their core beliefs, they're characters that are glorious or even sympathetic to the player character- either as mentor figures, or as pinnacles of glory, or as pitiful beings who can't fight the system that enslaves them. They're bastions of this 'grand old age' from before your time, but you've spent hours slogging through the bodies left behind by their messes and witnessing the torment that their actions have wrought upon others firsthand, and you know that no matter how sad the music is or how majestic or tragic the boss you're fighting may be, they're still a warlord in the end. They're still far, far worse than many of the actual monsters that you killed- who were oftentimes themselves victims of the structure of power that the majestic, perfectly human final boss put into place.

Fromsoft humanizes the monsters and demonizes humanity, and it goes a long way to making their anti-imperialist, anti-genocide themes pack way more of a punch than most media gunning for the same themes

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[ova-kakyoin]

good lird im thinking abt manato again

[imafraidoftomorrow]

There's so many moments in MDZS that make my heart utterly clench and make me want to just burst into tears, either from deep sadness and despair, or from a profound sense of love...

- Wei Wuxian getting to see his beloved shijie in her wedding dress

- The beautiful gift he made for his sister's baby boy, only for it to then be so tragically destroyed

- How all he wanted was to go meet that little nephew of his; how he never even got to...

- Jiang-shushu's last goodbye to his sons

- Wen Qing's solemn "I'm sorry, and thank you."

- Everything that happened to Wen Ning. Just, everything.

- Lan Xichen's unconditional love and acceptance of every facet of his younger brother; the liquor, the rabbits, the lotus seed pods

- "What do you think about this one?" "Mine."

- Jiang Yanli's sacrifice for her dear A-Xian, loving and protecting him always, even till the end

- The silent desperation behind Lan Wangji's "Come back to Gusu with me" plea

- Xiao Xingchen's, Song Lan, and A-Qing's horrible deaths

- Granny Wen's corpse recognizing and reaching out for her grandson

- Wei Wuxian being demonized and scorned for taking the only cultivation path he could, while never saying a word to exonerate himself

- How he did literally everything in his life for others.

This story is heart-rendingly tragic and beautiful.

[pippin-katz]

6 Little Faces Alex Makes That I Love - Part 1

(not ranked in any order)

No. 1:

There is no other word for this expression than starstruck and it’s adorable. ✨

No. 2:

I’m completely obsessed with the way he watches Henry come closer. It’s so clear that he’s not done something like this, and he’s a little out of his element, but doesn’t care cause he’s so enamored with Henry. There’s just a bit of nervousness and curiosity in his eyes, like he doesn’t know what Henry is going to do next. I think he was already surprised by the way he pushed him.

One of the things that drew Alex to Henry in the first place was the sparks of personality he hadn’t been expecting from a prince. It looks like Alex was genuinely surprised by how forcefully Henry pushed him, like he wasn’t expecting something like that, and he probably wasn’t. Like he told his dad later, “he’s tougher than he looks” and you can also substitute that “tougher” for all the other traits that surprised Alex, like his sense of humor, his authentic and deep compassion for others, and his ability to stand up for himself.

There’s this little trace of awe within the surprise and curiosity. I see that expression and I can feel the way his heart is pounding.

And then of course he starts to get that smile on his face, that somehow still maintains a level of disbelief or admiration. It’s like he just had the brief thought of “I can’t believe how lucky I am”.

I am completely obsessed, how dare you Taylor Zakhar Perez, you adorable, talented, and attractive bastard.

No. 3:

This is like the look he had when Henry first arrived at the dinner, but even more unabashed. You can see the nerves, and the way he takes a deep breath as soon as he sees him. It’s like his mind is going, “wow, he really is beautiful, and now we’re alone”. It’s like he’s thinking “don’t freak out, stay calm” while also being completely blown away by how handsome Henry is.

It is so cute, I hate it.

No. 4:

It’s fast and a bit hard to see, but he gets this quick smile on his face that’s like “oh, okay, we’re doing this then”. He still has that little bit of surprise too, like “damn, alright”, cause Henry pins him hard against that wall.

It makes me think of that moment in the book when they first hook up and Henry tells him why he kissed him on New Year’s, and he mentions being jealous, and Alex says: “You were jealous. You want me.”

And he’s teasing him, so you know he has a shit-eating grin, but also he’s registering the fact that Henry has wanted him for a while, like he’s a bit surprised that he actually wants him, and that the kiss wasn’t just a drunken impulse, or Henry being lonely, but something Henry was wanting to do, with him specifically, even while sober.

That’s kind of the vibe I get from that smile, like “oh, Henry really wants me like this, alright, this is fun, I’m down with this”. I don’t know if I’m making any sense for this one, but hopefully you get what I mean.

No. 5:

This is a sweet moment because you can see the change in his eyes. Henry is explaining why he was a prick to him, so he's still primarily thinking about himself and how Henry's behavior bothered him. But here, you can see the moment he actually registers what he said about losing his dad, and the crown using him, and it's not about him anymore.

Even if you've never experienced the loss of a loved one, you can still understand the gravity of that situation. You may not know exactly what it feels like, but everyone knows it feels horrible.

You can see Alex thinking, and realizing that it had nothing to do with him. He's thinking about the fact that Henry had to deal with the loss of his father, which is already tragic and heartbreaking, but then on top of that, he hears that the crown used him for the attention his grief would bring them. Alex quickly goes from being mad about Henry's attitude to feeling so sad for him.

No. 6:

He laughs a little bit about Henry's quip about him being "ghastly", but it shifts into a small, almost unnoticeable smile. He's so content and happy to be talking to him. Henry probably is too, but both of them are kind of aware that there's no reason for them to stay on the phone any longer. There's a pause before Henry finally says he's going to hang up, and Alex, being the little shit he is, wants to be the one to hang up. Henry lets him, but it takes him several seconds of silence, and Henry making a comment about what the red button was for, before he actually turns over and hangs up. It's so obvious that he doesn't want to, but he subconsciously knows there's no reason to keep talking.

Sometimes when you're on the phone with a friend (or partner), you fall into this rhythm and comforting space of having a friend with you, even if they're not in the room. It's a nice feeling, and when you have to hang up, it can bring about this little wave of sadness. When you hang up, you're suddenly very alone again. I've had it happen to me tons of times after talking to friends on the phone.

The way he smiles softly tells me he's feeling that comfort and relaxation that I described. Then he's reluctant to hang up, because even if they're not talking, they can feel each other's presence through the phone, and that makes him feel like he's not alone.

That's all for now! I might make a part two, we'll see! Thank you for reading if you got this far! :3

Update: If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

part 2 | part 3

[animexts]

Something different | Manjiro Sano

Sumarry: Mikey from the future returns the last night he saw his beloved Y/n, but ends up encountering his past self.

A/n: Before y'all say something like "Oh, there's no way your past and future selves can talk to each other" In my head, yes, and that made perfect sense to me lol.

I found this beautiful art on Pinterest

"Fuck!" Mikey says as soon as Y/n slams the door in his face.

"You know what, I don't give a shit." He says turning around going to his motorcycle.

"Wow, I've always been a good liar." A voice says, making Mikey startle when he sees a figure leaning against the tree.

"Who are you? Why were you spying on us you weirdo?" He says approaching.

"I am you." The figure says getting a little closer, and Mikey looks at it doubtfully.

The figure really looked like him, but damn, what a horrible and sad look is that?

"Haha no way." Mikey says laughing a little, but the figure remains serious.

"That's the last time we'll see her." Mikey's eyes widen upon hearing this.

"Are you fucking threatening her? I'm going to kill you!" Mikey says ready to start a fight.

"Don't worry, I love her as much as you, at least…I did."

"Fuck, that's not even possible, stop lying and say who you are!"

"I said I'm you, I just wanted to come back here, to see her one last time, again." Mikey says looking at Y/n's house with a smile.

"If that's really true what do you mean by loved? I'm not dead am I? You look a lot older than me."

"You don't." He says and looks at Y/n's house making Mikey's heart stop.

"But... She's so young and... she's trying so hard to go to college, what do you mean?" Mikey says feeling a lump in his throat.

"It turns out that we don't have control of everything." He says smiling a little, and Mikey feels his eyes sting.

Mikey didn't know what to think, if that was really true... his dear Y/n... dead?

"We messed up, right? That's why she's so mad, I remember" Future Mikey lets out a humorless laugh.

"If I could do it all over again, I would go back there right now and hug her with all my might, tell her I love her more than anything, and that I would give up everything for her, you should do this, will be the last time." Future Mikey keeps talking with teary eyes.

"No, i'm not you, I'm going to do it differently... I..." Mikey says and goes back to Y/n's door slamming it hard.

"Open the Y/n door, come on!"

Mikey had no idea if that was true, but he couldn't risk it, couldn't risk losing the light of his life.

"You're lucky my parents aren't-" Before she can finish, Mikey hugs her tightly, crying into her neck.

"Please forgive me, damn I love you so much, I can not lose you, I can't."

"Because now?" Y/n says running a hand through Mikey's hair.

"Because if it's later it might be too late." he says with his eyes closed.

And he hopes that this attitude has changed the tragic future, he hopes from the bottom of his heart that it will keep his Y/n safe.

────────────────────

[marthawrites]

Friendly reminder that, in regard to House of the Dragon, me and my blog are both anti teams. I don't engage in team black vs team green debate and I steer away from posting about it. With how much HBO is pushing "pick a side" I just wanna say that my blog is a safe space from all of that.

ALL of these characters are beautiful and sad and horrible and complex and TRAGIC. This whole story is tragic!! I love all of them in their (and my) own way!

I'm here to fangirl, read, write, and simp about these characters ❤️‍🔥 not debate about their fictional morals!

[nynyhaha]

Machi and Shizuku — How to treat human remains

Both of the beautiful Spider members cause death with their abilities,increasing the number of corpses.But what do they do with them afterwards?

Despite being in the same organisation and doing crimes together their approach to corpses is very different.

I’d even call them polar opposites.

Machi is known for killing and healing people with her threads,but what matters here is her skill on restoring dead people to look better.

It’s made clear that she came to master nen Threads in that exact context.Kinda tragic,actually. We don’t see her trying to restore anyone to their original beauty so it’s unknown to what extent she knows Renkos craft,but since she wanted to learn it we can assume she knows quite a lot about it.

A personal headcanon of mine is that she took it upon herself to arrange the flowers for Paku’s “grave”

Look how sad it is :((

Meanwhile Shizuku,well…cleans up.

Being sucked into a vacuum like dust just to disappear in its void seems like a bad way for your body to end.I mean,what is a corpse really worth?

Is it not a puppet?🖊📖🕷

But if corpses were just puppets there wouldn’t be people like Machi and Renko.

If Machi had no emotions towards Hisokas corpse she’d just dispose of it or call Shizuku.But she fixed it up.

Because people care about the dead,their bodies and their wishes.

Treating corpses as humans allows one to spend a bit more time with them,to keep them alive a bit longer in their mind.

The importance of human remains being buried properly is also why Kurapika is so relentlessly searching for the eyes of his kin.

It’s why we can judge Chrollo’s moral state by his treatment of corpses and see that there’s clearly something seriously wrong with the way he sees people.Which isn’t just a Chrollo issue(Check out my Neon Nostrade post)but a broader problem in the HxH world.

Machi and Chrollo started out in the same place.

Horrified at how their friend has been dehumanised along with other kids of Meteor City,they vowed to take revenge and reverse this trend.Now they themselves kill people without batting an eye.

What started out as “we are humans so see us as such,even in death we have dignity”

turned into “human corpses are just like puppets and we can use them in any way that fits us.”

Surely,Pakunodas body and even Hisokas are very different than those of dead mafia men.That’s just how it is with close people.

So..what is it? a) human remains are to be respected

b)corpses are just empty shells,they’re inanimate objects so they don’t matter

c)corpses might have meaning and personhood attached to them but we will only honour that with those we care about/those who deserve it

It must be a mix of b and c by now.Hypocrisy is a big theme of HxH.But in the general view of the Spiders, Machi included,human lives rarely matter and their dead remains are even less important.

Young Machi might’ve been horrified by Shizukus ability,I mean,imagine Sarasa’s kidnappers “cleaning up” her body in such a manner.

But now Shizuku and Blinky are very useful to the troupe and everyone appreciates them.

Shizuku is a troupe member that’s rather unsettling to me because of her innocence and young age(19).She’s calm and we don’t see cruelty or bloodthirst in her.Even out of the women in the troupe she seems the least threatening.Yet her ability is very bleak and shows acceptance and indifference when it comes to horrible things.

She takes Chrollo’s orders seriously even if that means letting him die.She’s one of the people that appear normal and could live a normal life. Or so it seems.We know nothing about her past but she must’ve had a reason to join the troupe.She no less passionate about it than Machi.

Oh,if only we knew how and why she developed her ability!

I don’t think that would be a happy story tho,haha.She even reminds me of Chrollo a bit,that mix of apathy and pleasant calm demeanour just has something to it.

Machi seems to have a bit more “rage/fire” in her.She’s closer to seeing corpses as people even now.But despite the differences,the Spiders get along.

So it really depends if your corpse will be patched up by Machi or deleted by Shizuku.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Louis de Pointe du Lac, as originally written, could be regarded as one of lit's most famous "also rans", someone who was originally positioned as Thee Tragic Figure of the series, only to be almost immediately superseded both in the readers' and the author's minds with Lestat. Like, you know Louis because of the original book, but Lestat is the one everyone talks about, Lestat drives the rest of the series, Lestat has all the best lines.

And the movie, as much as I personally don't like it, only sort of dug this further into the pop cultural understanding of the story. Brad Pitt is at his most "I am relying on pretty" boring and sulky; when there is a performance, it's largely annoying. And Tom Cruise... I mean, it's literally nothing next to what Sam Reid does in my mind, but it was at least very off-brand for him at the time, and he was doing SOMETHING, and he (and Kirsten Dunst) have the most iconic Moments, the camp, the arguably most memorable part of the movie (the very end with the Sympathy for the Devil cover playing us off).

So it's honestly SUCH a testament to the innovation of the show's writing and the brilliance of Jacob Anderson's performance that Louis has been reinvented, not only as a compelling protagonist, but as a character that is EASILY as complex and multilayered as more traditionally antiheroic/villainous types like Lestat and Armand and Claudia. He's more than the beautiful, tragic object of Lestat and Armand's affections, he's more than the guy telling us the story.

Louis is self-loathing and self-aggrandizing; he's victimized by Lestat, and he manipulates Lestat, very aware of his own emotional hold over him (might we note how much agency Louis had over Claudia's turning, and how Lestat in no way would've done that if not for Louis... and that act was arguably one of the most selfish in the series, if emotionally understandable). He's controlled by Armand, yet we get hints that he's actually quite dangerous and perhaps in some sort of self-delusion about just how dangerous he is (and Assad certainly plays Armand like he's nervous as fuck about Louis knowing the truth--and I don't think that's JUST about the possibility of Louis leaving him once he finds out).

Louis tells himself that he loved Claudia more than anything and that she was his "spark in the dark", when we see that in reality their relationship deteriorated over time and continued to do so, even after the person who was seemingly a wedge in their relationship was vanquished. We see hints, perhaps, that Claudia was no more the ideal daughter in his mind than Lestat was the ideal lover.

And that last scene in the premiere? When we're not sure who the "you" is? Sad and kind of horrifying, too. Because like--what will Louis do to Claudia to further his own love and obsessions? Who does Louis prioritize more--Claudia, Lestat, Armand? Maybe none of the above. Maybe himself and what or who he thinks will stave off his own loneliness, his need for love and validation and, yes, power.

None of this is a criticism of the character. The show already did something SO good and SO smart by turning Louis from a white slave owner to a Black man with money and social standing, still so held back by the laws and environment of his day. Vampirism gave him agency, yet the show, in season one, showed the potential for Louis to still be the perpetual tragic victim (in episode five especially). And maybe they'll still slip up and do that.

But increasingly, with the reveal in the s1 finale and the s2 premiere, I think we're getting the implication that the thing Louis could be protecting himself from mentally (with some help from Armand--I don't think Louis's memory issues are all Vampire Magic, though) is something horrible that he did. A choice he made. Because Louis does have agency, and the narrative allows him to be someone with conflicted desires and a complicated sense of self. Someone who doesn't love PRETTILY. Someone who is manipulated and manipulates.

Like, I've joked about him being this kind of like vampiric Helen of Troy because of the allure he holds for powerful figures like Lestat and Armand, but I also think it's so powerful to explore the way that Louis uses that appeal and ALSO makes fucked up decisions on his own because he is... into being adored, frankly. Even if the people who adore him also hurt him. He gets caught up in his own romanticized retellings of his life story, whether heartfelt or tragic, because in those retellings he can pretend that he had no choice, he had no ability to say otherwise.

But like--Louis could have stopped that woman from being decapitated, potentially. Louis didn't have to walk away from human affairs. He chose to do so, just like he chose to beg Lestat to turn Claudia. Just like he chose to deny her Lestat's true death.

And I think there's like, an attempt to reckon with this in the unreliable narration of the books, but I also think that this is so dependent, in Anne Rice's version, on spinning to Lestat... That Louis's culpability and untruths are overshadowed by his Everything. Here, the story lets us soak in Louis's mind, and Jacob Anderson's performance really seals that. I find it so smart.

[nightcolorz]

HI CUTIE PIE ARMANDTOLOGIST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE I have a question and it’s really important

Does Armand like Dr Pepper yes or no

(But also actually thoughts on the way they changed up Armand’s backstory in the show? Cuz now he’s kinda like musical Armand and ik you love that guy real, I JUST WANT UR THOUGHTS)

HI BELOVED HUSBAND LOML SECOND IN COMMAND ARMANDOLOGIST 😍😍😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

thus is an amazing question….Armand loves doctor pepper and he has a crippling addiction to it (I know this bcus he told me). The fizzy texture makes him tweak out like cats do when they go crazy randomly and his eyes go huge and dilated and he rolls around wildly for like ten minutes straight 🥰

My thoughts on how they changed up Armand’s backstory in the show is that I LOVE IT!! 🙏🙏so so true so true I love musical Armand he is so funny and real, that is such a good comparison. What I love about musical armand is that in making armand a very visible explicit adult while keeping his backstory relatively the same they kind of lean into this alternate reality where by growing up Armand sort of experienced living “past his prime” and was turned in less of a preservation of his beauty and youth (🤢) and more of in a panicked, pathetic last ditch move, which rlly kind of hammers home the sad kicked dog vibe he has ❤️. Like, I love the thematic value of Armand being an eternal child so much. It’s just so so sad and effective, picturing him as this visible child who is yknow, torturing and killing ppl and leading cults, and even owning property and running businesses, but no matter what he is doing he is always displaying this very apparent physical reminder of his stunted growth and his trauma, that will always be anyone’s first impression of him, that causes him active inconveniences and insecurities. He’s a physical embodiment of the most vulnerable time in his life, trying despite it to gain respect and instill fear. He’s like a child ghost!! I love how his stunted growth manifests as a disability, I love how he is often perceived as a girl bcus of his appearance which adds a trans layer, i love how when Armand’s sad he appears for a moment like the child who was abused, I love love love it.

And that version of Armand will always be my favorite, but I still LOVE the way in the show (and musical before her) is doing it. Back on the topic of the musical, while I don’t think it can carry the same layer of tragedy and depth as the books, the musical frames Armand in a way that’s very upsetting in a different way. He’s like, very pathetic 😭. This grown ass man still stuck in time as a “beautiful youth”, longing for the man who sexually abused him when he was fifteen, stuck in the mindset of the child he was, looking for his past in everything he does and everyone he meets. It’s different, but still carry’s that tragic weight 😭. But the musical wasn’t interested (or maybe didn’t have the time) in exploring that tragedy in any depth, so Armand’s pathetic past his prime vibe is framed more as almost comedically embarrassing then sad. And on the note of the show!!!!! What I love so so much about show Armand’s backstory changes is that they take what the musical was putting down but didn’t have time for and explore it with all the weight it needs, and it’s SO GOOD!!!

Armand as not of a literal external youth but instead a metaphorical one, a technical adult who was kept as a slave and treated as a child for his entire adulthood until he was eventually thrust into vampirism and subsequently abandoned, so he carry’s this internal stunting, is AMAZING. He was raised in a way that instilled in him and prevented him from ever being a functioning, independent person, and then forced into roles of dire leadership and horrible loneliness. In one of my fics I compare him to a pampered lap dog who’s been abandoned on the streets. Amc Armand reminds me of the song memory from cats, which has always reminded me of Armand but hits harder in this version. He’s so 😭😭 abandoned elderly cat who is longing for his past (which for Armand was super shitty, but remains the only time he was loved) and just looking to experience that love and comfort again 😭. The “love and comfort” that was sexual and physical abuse and literal enslavement 😭. It’s so sad.

I love that amc iwtv doesn’t necessarily change Armand’s backstory of being sold into slavery, but rlly hammers home in the details that he was and continued to be a slave. The racial element is just, ugh, omg, so mf good. They take Armand’s trauma in the books of being deprived of his cultural background by being sold into slavery and bought by Marius, and basically cut off from his religious beliefs and made to feel alienated from religion bcus of his sexual trauma, and by making Armand a person of color rlly elevate that in a super sad super meaningful way. I also love how they add little horrific traumas to rlly instill that Armand was a slave to Marius, that he was his property. Rlly sad!!! 😭 I love it.

the only thing that I don’t like about the changes in Armand’s backstory (which r not a lot, and r mostly based in Assad zaman’s casting whom I love as Armand, they stay surprisingly faithful to the books) Is the thing where Armand’s parents (apparently) willingly sold him into slavery. Part of the huge tragedy with Armand being sold and loosing himself to that is that his parents were not perfect, and not especially good to him, but they loved him so so much, and he looses his memory and connection to two parents who love and miss him, and are devastated by loosing him. Which even tho it’s technically a better reality for Armand then, he had parents who betrayed him, it hits sm harder imo. But, I don’t resent the writers for that bcus I have a theory that I think it’s very likely that the reality of the books is true, and Armand believes that his parents sold him bcus that was a lie Marius fed him to ease his own guilt about keeping Armand from his family so that he can sexually abuse him. If my theory is wrong, and Armand’s parents rlly did sell him, I will be disappointed and wish they stayed more faithful to the books, but I won’t be super mad cuz I love everything else they r doing so much, and it doesn’t retract from that too much.

On the subject of amc and musical Armand comparisons, I hope the show adapts/ takes inspo from a change that the musical made that I love a lot and think could rlly rlly work in the show. In the musical, during the scene where Armand throws Lestat off the tower, Lestat pushes Armand into doing this by mockingly telling him that Marius is alive and has not only chosen to not reconnect with armand bcus he’s not as important to him as Armand perceives, but also he has told Lestat how Armand was a mistake and he should have never made him bcus Marius thinks he’s crazy and beyond hope. And musical armand screams at Lestat that he’s lying, shouts HE LOVED ME!!! And pushes lestat off the tower, bcus he refuses to accept the reality of his fucked up relationship with Marius. Which, dude, I literally love that change in the musical sm and almost wish it was in the books. I sometimes forget that in the books Armand finds out Marius is alive from Lestats book offscreen and we don’t see his immediate reaction at all, just his reaction to reuniting with Marius after already processing that he’s alive. I RLLY HOPE that amc iwtv takes this change the musical made and elevates it, bcus I am the only guy who talks about it and I need everyone else to care 😭. It would translate so perfectly in the show amc pls hire me.

THWNK U SM FOR THE ASK BBY I LOVE THESE QUESTIONS I LOVE YAPPING!!! ILY

[littlekohai77]

The pieces left behind

𝙸 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍. 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎. 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎, 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚋𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚐... 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢

🅆🄰🅁🄽🄸🄽🄶🅂: Hyun-su being sad, reminiscing, mentioned past relationship, reader mentioned being shorter, Hyun-su thinking suicidal thoughts, mention of cheating, bro being lowkey murderous. Reader is insecure.

Hyun-su regrets many things in life. Some of them quite embarrassing, some quite infuriating and some are just.... Tragic.

You were one of those...

Well to be specific... He regrets letting you go. He regrets not being able to see you. Not being able to touch you. Your small hands. You nimble little finger... Your chewed up nails... The ends a bit scratchy against the back of his when you tug him forward...

He regrets not enjoying the little things enough.... Not that he didn't before... He did.. But now it feels like it was not enough..

But maybe it'll never be enough... He doesn't think he'll ever get enough of you...

Your small stature, you doe eyes, you mumbled musings... Such music to his ears. He misses it all so so much.

He wishes that he had kissed you that winter night. It was new years, and you two were alone at your home...

You looked so adorable, snuggled beside him, wrapped up in a pastel blanket, just watching the fire works. The sparkles reflecting on your eyes.. That was probably his most favorite view in the world to this day...

You were always so .. So precious.... The most perfect being in his eyes. Your voice was his favorite sound, your face his favorite thing to look at, his love for you was his favorite emotion.

And it still is... Was... And will.. Probably forever be...

He regrets making you cry. Making you think you weren't enough... That he was bored enough, not in love enough to even glance at another woman.

He hated himself the most when he made you cry, when he threw you out and locked the door, listening as you kept banging on it, desperate for reasons, answers... For why you weren't enough, why you couldn't be his only one...

He wanted nothing more in that moment than to run over and hold you tight against him, let you hear how fast his heart is beating with every minute he spends around you, how it wants to run to you at the mere sight of you, wipe away you tears and kiss your red knuckles...

He regrets it.. But he knows it was for the best...

He wouldn't have just gotten charged with attempted murder if that bastard had gotten his hands on you...

He doesn't want for you to get hurt. Not because of him. He won't ever be able to forgive himself if you ended up in a situation as miserable as his... All because of one fault, being his love.

But still... It hurts... It hurts as he stays coped up in his room. Filled with memories of you. Playing the games you played together...Just to reminisce.. Just to cling to the pieces left behind of you..... The only things he has left...

He notices the overflowing amount of messages in his inbox...but doesn't open it.

Because he knows. That if he does, he'll fall apart. He'll want you back. He'll beg and cry and scream till his lungs burn.

But he doesn't deserve you... Not after he pushed you away. Made you feel so horrible about yourself. Not when he's in this state... Would you even want him back... Now? Now that he's... A recluse? A disappointment? With no future ahead?

Wouldn't you be disgusted? He can't even remember the last time he showered... He's... So unkempt.. So disgusting..

Would you still love him? Hold him in you arms?

Probably not, he tells himself.

The view of you is so... Mesmerizing..

It feels like seeing color again. You... So beautiful. Elegant, graceful, majestic, dazzling, glowing, sparkling and every nice adjective that exists..

You've changed. You're a little taller. By an inch maybe? Your fashion choice has too. You're wearing baggy clothes... Ahh.. You went back to being insecure about your body.... Must've been because of him... Great, now he wants throw himself out the window... He feels a stinging in his eyes.. And a weird tingle in his nose..

The image of you gets blurry the more he stares.. And as he blinks, a tears slides down his cheek. He's almost surprised that he's crying.

His finger twitches by his side, yearning, aching to hold you. To feel you. To breathe you in.

He sniffles.

Oops.

The sound catches your attention, you slowly rise from the floor holding a heavy box and look the opposite way. The opposite way to him.

He moves without thinking, so that he's hidden behind the corner by the time you look this way.

He can hear your steps approaching as your shadow shortens. And it almost kills him not to run out and embrace you.

"Oi! " He hears a masculine voice call out and then your receding footsteps.

"Come on, you're gonna make us late. "

Hyun-su peeks around the corner as you and that guy decend down the stairs. An unexplainable burning igniting in his heart. He wishes that was him... Beside you... He wishes he had the courage to face you... At least for closure... But alas, he's a coward. Alas he can do nothing but hold onto the pieces left behind.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*

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𝙼𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛.

[di-writes-stuff]

Sad Beautiful Tragic

Phillip Graves x Reader

A/N: I need to write more angst in a way I can’t quite describe.

TW: References to Graves betrayal and all that entails. War stuff, canon typical violence, suggestions of smut but no real descriptions. No happy end.

Summary: In which you look back on your relationship with Graves during his court hearing.

“Hang up, give up, and for the life of us we can’t get up.”

I hate him.

You’ve been forcing yourself to remember that for the past few hours. Watching that damn bastard, the sly smirk on his face every time he knows he’s winning the case. The same one you used to find endearing, now just puts a pit in your stomach that makes you wish you hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning.

You could scream. You want to scream, about how it’s not fair, about how you could’ve loved him, how you did love him. You want to pound your fists against the ground, throw the cup clenched in your hand at his stupid, handsome face. Marr it until you don’t feel that nagging, instinctive affection every time you see him.

The one that quickly fades—for the most part—when you remember what he did. That he prioritized being Shepherd’s little bitch over his comrades.

Over you.

Anger’s powerful. It’s a great, if not the greatest motivator in the world. But coupled with passion? With a love so fierce you would have died for it?

That burns. Drips through you like hot acid at any reminder of betrayal from the trusted.

And that is exactly what you feel when you look at him. The hurt comes first. The shell shock from what he did that still hasn’t quiet faded. Then the anger, and then the melancholy. The kind of animalistic need to get back to how it was before he ruined it. The clawing, desperate kind of fight you’re waging everyday just to believe the lie you think yourself to sleep with.

I hate him.

And yet, it always seems to end the same. The glaring correction at the end that you can’t admit to anybody around you, or yourself.

I miss him.

Overwhelmingly. Painfully. It keeps you up at night. It exhausts you in the day. It separates you from every other member of the task force. Because they can do it. They can hate him for what he did without a second thought.

It’s not as if they don’t see it. The tears that pinprick the corners of your eyes every time his name comes up. It really shouldn’t come as a surprise. From the very start, he’d been chasing you, and you were standing still.

For what felt like the hundredth time today, you were laughing. Smiling. Happy, really, truly happy. All thanks to Phillip Graves.

From what everybody said, you’d really hadn’t thought you’d like him very much. Cocky, horribly flirtatious, stubborn, and risky as all hell. All true, of course. Although, from where you were standing, it seemed like the whole “flirt” part was understated, extremely.

A smirk played on his lips as he stood just too close to you at the control panel of the helicopter, breath fanning over your neck as you drop yet another bomb onto the currently empty base. The mission was simple enough, bomb the enemy base, wipe all their supplies, intel, everything. Without anybody around to retaliate.

Well, it was supposed to be simple. You’ve found focusing has become quite difficult with constant flirtatious praises falling from the lips of the man behind you. “Atta girl.” His voice is husky behind you, a soft chuckle leaving him as you exhale shakily at his comment.

You’re sure you’ll get plenty of shit for this back at base, after all, you aren’t trying very hard to disguise how much you’re enjoying this. At the very least you manage to respond to this comment rather than the breathy laughter he’s been receiving. “You wanna take over? I wouldn’t wanna take all the credit.” You force yourself to meet his eyes, ignoring the way your stomach flips when he smiles at you.

“I think I’ll let ya have this one, doll.” The pet-name sends you snapping your eyes back to the control panel, trying to calm the vivid blush spreading across your face. The self satisfied smirk on his face only growing wider at your response. You clear your throat, your words coming out a bit shaky. “Very generous, Commander.”

He leans in a bit closer, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear. “Oh, I always am.” The suggestion held in those words sends heat pooling in your stomach, the skin he barely even grazed burning after his touch. Later, he’ll give some proof to that statement.

And God, he was telling the truth.

Your attention is suddenly brought back to the court in front of you, and you’re back in reality. Snatched away from the pretty memory you’d allowed yourself to live in for just a moment. From before he did what he did. Before he ruined everything.

The judges question sends a hush over the room, the one everybody had been waiting to hear Phillip’s answer to. “Did you act on those orders, Mr. Graves?”

Your breath hitches in your throat as you remember that night. Those orders, the ones to kill you and every other member of the 141. The warnings he’d tried so hard to give you, without ever really telling you the truth. Phillip Graves was not the pleading kind, but for you? He’d do it. He did do it.

“Please, baby, I’m begging you. Don’t do this job.” He asked for what felt like the millionth time, trying to keep quiet as to not be heard through the thin walls on base.

When he’d asked to come over, you’d thought it was for the normal reasons. Apparently not, because rather than tangled under bedsheets, you two were fighting over his strange request that you didn’t understand in the slightest.

“Phillip, I have a job, I’m gonna do it.” Your voice is stern, unyielding to his pleas. You can’t help but feel unnerved by the look in his eyes that looks an awful lot like terror. Pure, unbridled fear that he refuses to explain to you.

He takes your hands in his, kneeling down to be eye level with you as you sit on the edge of your bed. His eyes are bloodshot, supposedly from crying. Something you’d never seen the man in front of you do. “Please, sweetheart.”

“I can’t have you on this job.”

Except you were on that job. There to see the horror in his eyes as he realized that along with everybody else, he’d have to betray you too. That he’s have to ruin everything you had.

You still remember the way you’d screamed at him that night, as Ghost dragged you away into the temporary safety the city provided.

“I hate you.”

The words that were ripped from your throat by him, the ones you never wanted to say, but you did. The ones you couldn’t convince yourself of anymore. You’re not even sure if they were true then. Although, you think you come close to it as you hear him answer the judge.

“No…Absolutely not, sir.” Gasps and whispers sound throughout the court, but the only thing you hear is his words repeated over and over in your mind. You try to find the lie, to find some loophole to make his claim false.

But the worst part is, he’s telling the truth. He didn’t kill you, nobody in the 141 was dead, or even seriously injured. Soap walked away with a few new scars, but that was about it.

He didn’t act on the orders.

It should make you feel better, that technically, he refused. That maybe, you could forgive him. But you know you won’t. You know you can’t. Not after all this. Not after the things he made you feel in such rapid succession.

First, love. Burning hot passion that took over your every thought. Then hatred, feigned or otherwise. Then grief as Soap came back with the news that Graves was KIA. Everybody still remembers the way you’d sobbed, animalistic gasps for air coming up from your throat as tears poured from your eyes. They’d heard it all from the closet you locked yourself in. But at the very least they’d had the decency to pretend they didn’t.

Now, you don’t even know what you feel towards him. You can’t exactly say you don’t still love him. Not honestly, at least. A part of you hates him, but not enough to make it true. Not enough to deny the relief that flooded you once you saw him in front of you that day, breathing, whole, alive.

It took every bit of strength in you not to react as he walked into view on the call with Shepherd. That same smirk on his face that never seemed to leave fully, but faltered a bit as his eyes landed on you. You, who stood seemingly emotionless, you who prayed he couldn’t see the tears forming in your eyes over the call.

You, who couldn’t take it anymore as he cracked the same kinds of jokes that used to make you laugh as he whispered them to you in the middle of the night, your head laying on his chest. Everybody noticed the way his smile dropped for a second as you stormed out of the hangar. Because despite his own ego, despite his constant need to please, the only approval he ever wanted was your own.

It’s the same reason now that he risks turning around to look at you, to see if any hint of approval, or even love still lingers in your eyes.

The same reason his heart shatters as he sees what he’s been dreading this whole time. Hatred, written all over your face as you stare him down. Of course, he’s oblivious to the war being waged inside you just to keep your expression still. To the way his eyes locking with yours still sends shivers running down your spine. Memories flooding back of his hands on your body, his eyes locked with yours as hushed, strained whispers fall from his mouth in between groans.

You don’t even think he realized he’d said it that night, too focused on the feeling you gave him to even notice the words he was saying. It wouldn’t be outlandish to think he hadn’t meant it. To think it just slipped out in the midst of his euphoria, triggered only by the high you were both so rapidly approaching.

Although, now that memories are all you’ll ever allow yourself to have of him, you like to believe he meant it. That deep down, those whispered words were true, unlike the ones you’ve been trying to convince yourself of.

“I love you.”

A/N: Sometimes I’m writing and it’s just like lalalala silly little angsty fanfic 😇✍️ and then all of a sudden this deep, grumbly little demon voice pops up out of nowhere, a single word accompanying it.

👹dick👹

digital footprint goes wild.

- di <3

[imightbestupid]

Signalis me feel again.

No. Really. That's it.

Discovering Ariane's story, experiencing Elster's quest , their endings... What this game has to say, what it doesn't say, what it means... It's just... beautiful, it's just sad, it's scary, it's horrible, it's fascinating, it's tragic...

No game has made me feel like this since Silent Hill 2, since Metal Gear Solid, since Yakuza: Like a Dragon, since Lisa: The Painful...

I'm just speechless, I really can't describe how much this game has touched me.

What a beautiful game...

[apoorhuman]

A burn out mc, had enough with everything, they're tired, they're sad, they need a hug and yet they can't bring them self to ask all of the loving people close to them, they want to cry to the brothers shoulders, they want to be hug tightly by the brothers, the angels, the prince, the butler, and yet their heart and brain said no, their body is refusing their own feelings, tired, exhausted, just want to stop and rest

Those less to them killing themselves, the brothers were devastated, everybody was grieving, but not as much as the brothers

They blamed themselves, why couldn't they stopped this from happening? Why couldn't they realised how their beloved mc was struggling and suffering in the inside? They could've prevent it, this preventable, but why? Why did they let this happen? The person that they cherished is now gone, they can't see them anymore, they can't hug them anymore, they can't talked with them anymore

Lucifer locked himself, piling up his work to forget the hurtful truth about his beloved mc

Mammon drown himself in gamble, piling up more and more debt to himself and working his ass off to pay it leading him to be less in home to avoid seeing the memory of him and mc made in there

Levi locked himself in his room, refusing to face the reality and now escaping to his own fictional world, putting all mc's game in a box that he kept in a secluded part of his room, leaving it untouched

Satan just stayed in his room that was now already torn because of his anger, his rage after their death, blaming himself more and more

Asmo just kept like usual, smiles and makes people charmed with his beauty, trying to cheer up his brothers, as he slowly crumbling more overtime by the truth about mc's tragic end, slowly and slowly losing his beautiful facade with him start having eyebags and messy hair

Beel rarely ate, as many foods reminds him of them, he tried to eat more so that he can stay in good shape and helped belphie, he can't be sick that will make mc sad, he can't be sick, he needs to be strong for them because that's always how they see him, but he's still weak because of all the guilt inside, blaming himself for failing to noticed mc's struggling

Belphie always to be asleep more, but under those looks he was suffering with the nonstop nightmare and horrible memory playing over and over in his mind, somebody must have hated him so much that they tortured him with those horrible memory playing on repeat, he blamed Himself and guilt always piling up in his heart

Mc was resting, after all of the tiring, exhausting time in their life they get to rest now, yet they still beside the brothers, looking out for them quietly

They finish Lucifer's work while he was asleep, or sometimes they makes Lucifer a sleep so that he can get some rest, putting some food and drinks in his table for him to eat while working when he's not looking, patting his head when he was asleep and saying assuring things that they're okay now

They put some Grimm's on the debt collectors under mammon name secretly, trying hard to make sure mammon didn't gamble too much by sabotaging most of the gamble machines, tucked him in while he's asleep and brushing his hair, and kiss his face to relieve him from the nightmares

Clean his room while he was asleep after gaming, covering him with blanket if he fell asleep while playing game, holds his hand while having a nightmare

Calmed Satan when his emotion start to take him over, place many books recommendations on his bed while he was asleep, sneak many cats to cheer him up, brush his hair and hold him while he was having nightmare

Assured him and saying many sweet words to comfort asmo while he was having nightmare so that he can enough sleep, caress his face and wipes his tear if he cried while he was sleeping

Placed many foods near beel's bed hoping he would eat it, sings a lullbaby while patting his head brushing his hair if he gets another nightmare, accompanying him every night, saying many things about that they're okay, that it's not his fault, that it's their choice to do that

Cover him with a blanket or tucked him in, sing lullbaby, cuddle him, asssuring that it's not his fault, it's not anybody's fault, tries to make his nightmare goes away and many

"Even if I was already gone but all of you are still my boys, sorry that I left you, but I will always be on all of you side, no matter what nobody can separate me from all of you"