#just because I don’t feel super duper connected to be ppl doesn’t mean I don’t like seeing ppls faces light up when I notice something

[cherrysnax]

was talking to my butch last night about feelings and self perception and it’s weird that ppl see me as kind. not nice, but kind

[bigskydreaming]

In the best (personal) news I have had in oh, over a year, FINALLY got the results of the MRI back and it is NOT a tumor lurking in my nonexistent jaw joint area and causing all my Issues, as my doctor was worried about from the latest CT scans. Which, like. Yeah. I don’t really have the words for how grateful I am to hear that because like, hahahaha I was getting super tired of my rock bottoms introducing themselves to new rock bottoms, you know???

So I am currently buzzing and high on that news, life in general, and y’know, sleep deprivation, cuz ngl, it was definitely not fun hearing I should know by Monday whether or not like, I have cancer, only for that to be dragged out until freaking Friday. Hahaha what is sleep, I have had like, five hours all week maybe? Needless to say I am super behind again on work, rent, insurance and all that fun stuff BUT as long as I can say “but I don’t have cancer!” at the end of each of those things, like....yeah I’m gonna milk the fuck out of that qualifier for energy, as long as I possibly can lololol.

Did talk to my insurance ppl today though and I’ve got at least until Tuesday to pay my premiums, so got a couple more days of breathing room there. Can’t get it extended past that though because my doctor’s already gonna be calling in preauthorization requests for like, the actual surgery and stuff as early as Monday and I reeeeeally don’t want ‘okay but this dude hasn’t even paid up yet’ being a factor at all in whether or not they approve my 25K surgery.

Fingers crossed that my good luck continues to hold, as there’s a possibility this might all get dealt with once and for all, a lot sooner than I’d hoped for?? Like, cuz of the MRI she was able to get a clear view of exactly what the problem is, the inflammation around the joint and actual erosion of the bone, etc, which cut out a lot of the other steps we were preparing to take to isolate the exact issue before moving forward. It also apparently lit a hell of a fire under their asses cuz they were able to see not just that the joint is totally wrecked (which we’ve known for like, nine months now, wasn’t news), but just how badly eroded my jawbone is at like....the other point of the jaw that holds it at least somewhat connected to my skull still even though the joint itself is nonexistent? Idk not explaining that right because again, sleep deprived like whoa. 

ANYWAY. Point is my doctor was like, so basically because of the constant damage being done in that area every time you open your mouth at all, you’re fracturing it further and its only hanging on by the barest sliver at this point - which, DUH, is exactly what I’ve been telling all these doctors it felt like, for over a year BUT I DIGRESS - so she’s all, yeah, we need to move this along as fast as possible because if you erode that area much more like, she doesn’t even know what that’ll look like in practice cuz she’s never actually had to deal with a case that bad, but reading between the lines it sounds like I would just not be able to close my mouth shut at all after that point, which....lol bye bye basic eating and talking? Idk. So its super fun being the worst case of this particular issue she’s ever seen personally haha yay me (but at least I don’t have cancer!)

So. Still putting it in the win column.

But yeah, so she found another surgeon that does potentially take insurance for the actual surgery costs, if we can get my insurance to approve it, and in the meanwhile now I gotta set up appointments at this OTHER imaging place for another more specific CT scan to measure how big the prosthetic will need to be, and they don’t take insurance there at all so that’s gonna be $600 no matter what. BUT, this new surgeon has a bunch of premade prosthetics they keep on site and so there’s a possibility they might be able to fit me with a premade prosthetic that’s already the right dimension instead of having to order a custom made one. And if I can get the surgery approved by my insurance and they find a premade that works, the surgery can be set up in as little as three weeks (which omg holy shit is that a light at the end of the tunnel, IT JUST FUCKING MIGHT BE crap I totally jinxed it didnt I fuck). If they can’t find a premade that works though it’ll still be the 4-6 months to make a custom one so, boooooo, we’re really hoping that doesn’t happen, cuz, again. I do not know precisely what several months of not being able to swing my jaw shut at all even lopsidedly and thus no eating or talking....like lmao what would that even look like how do you not like, starve in that case? Idk. So....super duper hoping that we can find a premade and get the surgery scheduled quicklikearabbit and not have to wait several more months and risk just eroding whatever it is that’s still up there in that general vicinity that’s left to erode, idk, like I said what are words right now even.

YEAH. SO. That’s my status update for those who’ve been messaging and checking in and whatnot, like, y’all are rockstars and I fucking adore you and am so grateful. I am now going to go sleep the sleep of the dead because hahahahahaha ow light is actually physically painful at the moment, I just came to sit up straight at my desk and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.

Then its back to work for me but also I might have some fic updates??? lol. Cuz of people who’ve donated and made non-imposing requests or suggestions for things I could write and thus mitigate my OMG I Do Not Deserve Your Generosity ulcers of doom. That I’ve been writing off and on but mostly just off this last week in particular where I unfortunately did a lot of like, staring at the wall watching paint dry except not really cuz they weren’t freshly painted or whatever, look you get what I mean probably. 

Right. So. Assuming any of this makes sense to anyone and I’m not actually just stringing together nonsense series of words here at this point, still likely to be scarce for a few days to a week. Gonna leave my paypal link again, cuz I mean, yeah. I’m way more sick of posting it than anyone could possibly be of seeing my post it lolol, trust me, but hopefully there is a point now in the near(ish) future where I will once again be able to work productively and non-chronic-painfully again and thus not be in desperate need of the kindness of strangers 24/7. That would be so awesome omgwtfbbqicanteven. You don’t even know. 

But also! At least I don’t have cancer. So. I actually have a bizarre amount of energy at the moment despite being two seconds away from faceplanting into my keyboard from exhaustion. Look I dont even get how that works either. I’m nuanced okay.

I feel like there was something to write here like in conclusion or in summation or tl;dr but also fuck it, I think I literally just heard my last remaining synapse fire in my brain I gtg ttyl byyyyyyyyyyyye.

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

[fvthomsbclow]

COURTNEY EATON,  GENDERFLUID,  THEY/THEM.  —  looks  like  LUKE ANDERSEN is  attending   AURORIA UNIVERSITY  in  auradon.  they're  the  TWENTY year  old  child  of  ARIEL & ERIC ( * adoptive ! ) ,  which  means  they're  from  ATLANTICA.  heard  they're  HONEST  &  CRAFTY,  but  can  also  be  EASILY DISTRACTED &  SELF-SERVING  ;  we all have our bad days.  people  normally  associate  them  with  LOOSE WHITE SHIRTS BLOWING IN THE BREEZE, WHISPY BRAIDS OF DARK HAIR, STANDING ON A BEACH IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM, CRASHING WAVES ALONG THE DECK OF A SHIP.  —  hylia,  9teen,  est,  she & they.

                                 when i’m sad , oh god i’m sad ,                                  but when i’m happy, i am happy                                  and there’s just no place in-between                                  for us to meet.                                  playlist. pinterest. to listen as you read.

howdy folks !! so my name is HYLIA , and I’m here to play the sailor datemate of my dreams , LUKE ANDERSEN. I’m still sort of getting the hang of them since they’re a very new character , so I’m sorry if this intro is all over the place !! No TWS for now save for mentions of death , the ocean , and drowning. Hopefully this isn’t too messy ! 

HISTORY

So Luke is adopted - the child of one of King triton’s servants who passed away from illness. Originally , Triton was going to take them in himself , but instead , Ariel volunteered to care for the little merbaby and raised them as her own. As a result , Triton gave Luke the ability to grow legs on dry land as well as a tail when touched by large amounts of saltwater.

But , they weren’t told of their true heritage as a child. So they believed they were a human for the longest time.

They grew up loving both of their parents to the max but it was DEFINITELY evident they took after Eric more so. They wanted to travel , wanted to explore - and their dad , with his ship and naval prowess , was their hero. So from a very young age , they would accompany their dad on his travels.

It went to the point in which they were taught to pilot a ship themselves - and they even asked for one for their sixteenth birthday. Nothing else , just a vessel of their own. And they got one , naming it The Queen Jocasta. 

First voyage on The Queen Jocasta resulted in an attack by pirates - sixteen year-old Luke tossed off the side of the ship , thinking they were about to drown. But , that power they were unaware of for all this time shifted their legs into a tail , and at that point they realized , Wow , Mom and Dad really haven’t told me SHIT. 

So that was when they were explained that yeah , they were originally born a mermaid , and yeah , they were royalty both on the surface and under the sea. And that prompted Luke to spend a year in the ocean to get to know their mother’s family - returning to the surface to finish their time in Auradon Prep afterwards. This meant they graduated a year later at nineteen. 

And then when that was over , Luke decided ‘ hey, I’m gonna take a trip all around Auradon by BOAT ’ since... that’s their brand , and spent another year just sailing around the different parts of Auradon ( and on the outside of it ) for the fun of it. They’re only just now getting back to Auradon to attend Auroria. 

PERSONALITY & FACTS

So one may describe Luke as an ‘old soul’ - they’re very laid back and relaxed , for the most part , keen on their interests and someone who really seems to know a lot beyond how old they are.

Extremely intelligent - there’s a rumor going around that Luke has an eidetic memory , but they won’t confirm or deny it. ( It’s true. )

OBVIOUSLY AGAIN, OCEAN CHILD. Luke loves the ocean and always hangs out on beaches or the docks if they’re not on their actual boat. Because Luke doesn’t have a dorm - no , Luke sleeps on The Queen Jocasta in their cabin. Captain’s quarters and all that. 

They love traveling just for the sake of traveling , and they can read a map like it’s nobody’s business.

Big into the classics like art and music DESPITE the fact they can’t paint , draw - but they can carry a tune well and for that reason , they play guitar nicely. 

Honestly they’re smart and into the classics and shit but also this can come off as slightly pretentious since they don’t hesitate to remind people how good of a thinker they are - they don’t say it , but they show it. 

Also they know how to dance , taking ballet classes when they were younger !! It’s just not something they remind anyone of much.

One more class they took was swordfighting in attempts to learn how to defend themselves . . . and yes , they’re great at it. Scary great.

In terms of a more direct description of their PERSONALITY , Luke tends to approach situations with again , a very laid back attitude but also one that’s brutally honest. They will let you know if they’re pissed off with you and . . . do have a bit of a temper when their nerves are ticked. Luke’s also got a bit of a dangerous tendency to always think they’re on their own and look after number one ( themselves ) and forgets that they can lean on other people for help. This doesn’t mean they don’t care about their allies - no , they greatly care about them. But Luke’s sort of used to being a mysterious , aloof , brooding traveler that they often forget they now have people they can confide in. 

They’ll do things that perk their interest - Luke really isn’t going to go out of their way for something unless there’s either something in it for them or they have a personal interest. Also , if they care for the person , but yeah.

There’s a slight cynical streak to them for no other reason than the fact they just always think they have to watch their back - and for the fact people have secrets , like their parents keeping the secret they were a mermaid for a good portion of their life. 

I promise they’re not a conceited selfish prick Luke is just VERY . . . aloof. I know I said that before but they’re distant and sort of keep to themselves and what they want. 

Their opinion on the villains and heroes coming together is that they really . . . couldn’t care less. They never were really one to focus too much on the Auradon vs. Isle debacle anyway , but also - they can understand why some VKs are pissed. BUT , since this is Luke we’re talking about - that doesn’t mean they’re going to be exceptionally nice to the villain kids , treating them the same as Auradonian kids - casually , trying to get a read on them , probably the same aloof & ‘I could care less’ demeanor they normally keep up. 

Also I should mention !! Luke is genderfluid , preferring they/them pronouns like stated before - but when addressing them with their royal title , they prefer to be addressed by the title of Prince. But Captain is even more so preferred. 

Captain Luke Andersen just sounds like BDE I’m ,

Listen I love them so much they’re the myserious captain datemate of my dREAAMS

WANTED PLOTS & CONNECTIONS

OKAY SO. When the main puts up their WC page I will be submitting this one but I’d love an ARRANGED MARRIAGE plot for Luke. Basically , arranged while Luke was away traveling - they could either already know this person or are just meeting them now , but they’re not too keen on the idea of arranged marriage but aren’t really doing anything to fight it since it is what it is. They can either get along or hate each other , be best buddies or the like , but I think it’d be so funny if Luke - a wayward soul - was supposed to be arranged to marry someone who always has to make sure they’re not getting into trouble or something since Luke . . . CANNOT stay in the same place. At all. Bonus if this person is super duper sweet and polite in contrast to Luke’s nature of being absolutely crass & unrefined.

Their fiance: I’m so sorry for them Luke: I’m not, peace sign + middle finger motherfucker 

And if this evolves in2 an actual ship that’d b up to chemistry n shit but the main idea I had was just. An arranged marriage. Rly we can do whatever n I’d b cool w/ it.

I’d love a crew for them pls. Again - this can be with both Auradon and Isle kids , since Luke gives no shits , but I’d imagine there’s a few Auradon kids who’ve been with Luke for quite some time.

PIRATE RIVALS PLSSSSS bc I know some Isle kids are pirates and that’s B^) juicy shit 2 me.

In general I’d just rly like some friends who try to get past Luke’s aloof & distant & brooding(tm) nature and let them b... soft n stuff.

also friends in general?? great. gimme soft platonic shit bc mgod thats what gets me all the damn time

if there are some royal kids out there who wanna bfriend luke’s ass since childhood n will stick w/them... give it to me.

Flings that Luke’s had either traveling or also just in Auradon in general bc uh yeah they’re lowkey a huge flirt 

not 2 be THAT guy but Luke is a dreamboat haha... hahaha...

please clap

first love !! maybe !! idk sb who definitely luke had a thing 4 but it got lost in luke being. well. luke.

“my only love is the sea” stfu

gimmE SOME ENEMIES 

AURADON KID ENEMIES

ISLE KID ENEMIES

PPL WHO THINK LUKE IS A FUCKIN PRETENTIOUS DICK BC THEY ARE

PPL WHO ONLY WANNA SEE THEM CRASH N BURN

FRIENDSHIPS THAT TURNED HOSTILE BC AGAIN, LUKE IS... LUKE.

PPL WHO HAVEN’T LIKE LUKE SINCE CHILDHOOD N THEY’VE ALWAYS GOTTEN INTO FIGHTS AND STUFF

I’m so bad writing wcs so maybe one day I’ll sit down and write formal connections so yeah.

BUT YEAH THAT’S IT !! pls pls pls feel free to either like this or hmu for plotting - I highly suggest contacting me on Discord ( rocky lynch lovebot / hylia.#0329 ) bc I’m always on Discord but Tumblr works too !! I promise u guys I don’t bite. I love u all I’m so excited 4 this !!! :^)

[harrysbbby]

You really are a talented writer! I wish I could write like you, is it ok if you can share some tips? I tried writing but I think that it wasn’t my best work. At all.

wow thank you so much! i’m not really sure how to answer your question, so please feel free to send me some more after this x

I don’t have an specific tips- I usually just try to think about how the characters are feeling and describe that. I’ve personally never really loved super duper long descriptions of how things looked, more how they move or make ppl feel so I usually focus on that which why I assume people like my writing?

I would say to always embed humour! It’s always a win!

I was always good at english and writing in school, and even now in university- i could literally understand 0% of the content but do really well still because i’ve always been able to convince people of things with my writing. so i would say, work really hard in school- widen your vocabulary, understand how your language works and everything else should follow suit as you’ll be able to express what you want really easily. I was always picked to do writing courses and shit like that throughout school, so use those opportunities if you can.

Also, draft, draft and redraft! Each time you reread your work you can be re-inspired about how you want something to sound, and it usually ends up being so much better than the first attempt.

But my secret is: use a thesaurus! Like, I usually just think of the basic word, like sad, then use a thesaurus to get a more complex word. But make sure you know the meaning of the word- just because it’s long and fancy doesn’t mean it is the best fit- and sometimes it’s just better to go with the simple ones, like happy or sad, as too many obscure words can take away from your point and lose the effect and connection with your audience. 

I hope that this helps! Please feel free to send me some more specific questions or a message if you just wanna have a chat :)

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 4 - “I'm tryna figure out this vote like magnifying glass emoji." - Matt S

So naturally I’m panicking because I’m so sure I’m going to warzone, and the last thing I wanna do is be the swap vote out. I’m enjoying the Ma’an Tribe and just being able to talk to people, especially Kait and Owen. So far I only have individual conversations but maybe tribal will actually allow me to make alliances. I hate saying that cause I would never ask to go to tribal unless I really had to.

Challenge update. I think i have decent scores. Will they keep me from the bottom 5? Who knows but im trying my best. Im trying hard in the first game because i think thats the lowest score. Also FUCK multitask. That is very hard. I just want to be safe this round and figure shit out with Nehe, Stephen, and Trace. I have a little rant about Nehe coming up soon. 🤭 Oo I wanted to scream to Renee not to say anything till the votes were read. I knew she was gunna say something when it was a 3-3 tie and she unmuted. It was a big MOOD tho. I just hope she is able to stay safe. I do trust her a lot.

So we recently switched and I still don't know who is on my tribe lol. I am still with Kait which is great! I am with Owen, Stevie and Madison who I spoke to briefly, Matt who I just met, Chloe who I have always wanted to meet, and some new faces such as Timmy, Renee, and Jacob. I always love a tribe with a bit of everything.

Hello diary room how are you? I am making money moves. Connecting to my “tribe” members. Even Trace. The only bitch i don’t care to be friends w is Maynor bc he stinks of Renee’s brainwash. As we all know, Renee hates me and wants me out etc etc. I am doing what I can to protect myself if I end up going to tribal. All i can hope for is that, if renee is at tribal, maynor isn’t as I would have 4 who would have my back from my tribe. That’s 5 votes. If I can get Matt or Madison or someone else on the other tribe to come with, it’s Au Revoir René. I don’t think I’ll be immune as I only had about 3 hours to work on these 5 flashgames but who knows. I trust Adrian. I hate to say that but I do! I quite like Ian and want to trust him but it’ll take time. I believe Devon has my best interest at heart. Okay that’s all for today x

- - -

Just played Axon and I hate this game soooooo much. I play Minecraft all day and spam click all the time but this game is gonna give me carpal tunnel I sware. My arm hurts so much. I guess it’s time to go to multitask

I have been trying to beat my scores in these flash games and i cant. I dont think they are good enough to keep me from the bottom 5. I’m really nervous to be in warzone with people i havent worked with before. Jshdiw i hope i couls find that idol tonight. Ill feel better if I have it in my hands. Nehe rant. So like he said he was down to work with me and have my back. And once again for some reason has happened again. He lied to me about voting for doodle (also willing to do Stevie) because he voted for Renee, my partner! His reasoning was cuz he told me that he was told thats were the majority was so even tho he told me he trust mr, he didnt believe me when insaid that it was going to be doodle when it switched. He still wantsbto work with me so thats good and i have leverage i culd use because he told me he wanted trace gone so i could throw him under the bus if i feel like i cant trust him. Idk if i should be upset about this cuz ppl liebin survivor but in this twist trust is way more important now than in a regular season.

Immunity or tribal it doesn't matter the game presses on. The benefit of immunity is to just build relationships with people without the risk of going home or burning my idol(side note fuck all you bitches when you inevitably turn against me an make me burn my favorite piece of jewelry). Corey has really grown on me, talk game of thrones with me and I'm alliance putty in your hands! I was happy to see Maynor again, I feel there is something there that can be fostered,  Cullan is a bit of an ignima to me still. I'll crack him though one way or another. Trace and I have begun chatting so I'm still up in the air on him and really most my tribe and people in this game. I honestly expected to be on the low end of scores for this challenge but I wasn't? Idk, double elimination means retrograde and please, please don't let it be Chloe vs Willow, I want them both to stick around and be valuable allies. If they can't keep the votes off them then as Walder Frey once said, " I'll find another."

This warzone where 2 people are leaving is just not cute. I was not happy when I saw that. I knew I was going to be here because I did each of the flash games like once or twice and called it a day so I knew I was going to be here and I accepted that. When I saw who else was there I thought "okay, I think I can probably find people to vote with and stay safe this time around" and then BAM it's a double elimination with the vote and it totally changes the strategy of the vote. Could be more difficult to navigate. All I know is that I need to step up my social game because I haven't chatted much with people and I need to start building relationships so if I end up here again I have people that have my back. I am just struggling with the idea of working with Nehe. Longevity I don't think I want to do. Short term, sure. But I don't think I want to deal with that for the whole game. Been there, done that and I am over it. I was talking to Adrian last night and my god that was an infuriating conversation. Adrian had no idea how the warzone was operating because he hadn't been there and I just wanted to say "sis, read an effing post you lazy ass and it will make sense" It's not that hard to understand, it is just different from normal. I just hate when people don't know things because they don't want to read a post. Going back to this double elimination tribal; it is really hard to choose two targets. Being on tribes that don't seem to matter because we get scored individually makes it almost a moot point to target people for poor challenge strength because it is a pretty individual game. I guess that would be incentive to get out strong challenge performers but all of those people won so again, not a good strategy. Also everyone has just encountered different people and no one is being put together with the same people as someone else so there are a bunch of different dynamics between players, more varied than normal because we aren't forced to interact with the same people for an extended period of time. These votes have just been a lot more nerve wracking than votes normally are and making it out alive feels like more of a feat than normal. I'd say I like the extra challenge to step up the strategy because it's different, but I honestly don't. I don't need this extra anxiety about votes, no thank you. I just hope I survive this!

New tribes yay... I miss maynor and it’s overwhelming to actually be forced to talk to more than one person lmao. But other than that it’s good and I’m safe and immune and so far everyone here seems cool... even if I can’t trust anyone because of those 3 votes I got last tribal!!!! Doodle and Stephen and maybe nehe better watch OUT

Now that the game has finally sped up a little bit, I'm excited because I feel like I can actually play the game more. I am also ECSTATIC that I am not at this double tribal thing, because that sounds stressful and I know that avoiding it completely was the best case scenario for my game right now. I really really like Corey. Him and I have hit it off and I can see us working together really well deep into the game. I'm glad that he is safe this round too because he is probably the person I am closest to on this tribe of people I am kind of afraid of. Ian came to me and started talking as well, but something just doesn't sit well with me about him. He blew everyone out of the water in the challenge, so that will have to be something I need to think about down the line when I decide who I want to vote out. Nehemiah talked to me a lot before he went into the war zone, trying to apologize to me about voting Renee. He made it seem like I was withholding information from him which could not be further from the truth. Classic erratic Nehe again making shit up and trying to pin it on me. I want his ass out and I want it out soon. I feel like I finally have some footing in this game. Timmy and I are tight, Corey and I are tight, and I made good relationships with Renee, Madison, and Owen in the last war zone. Hopefully if I do end up going to the war zone again I'll be able to have at least a few people to work with, because right now I don't feel very comfortable on my tribe if this game were normal and we voted each other out.

I am feeling FUCKEN PAN-tastic!! I was working last night so just read the post quickly and it said I was in the Warzone. I felt really sad and nervous but there was an error and I was actually immune. I was so happy that work didnt suck. It was a double too so Im super duper happy that I didnt end up going to tribal. I need to talk more to Ian because Me and him are talking most than others. Im also talking to Trace since he is Timmy’s partner and I want to work with him. Ive been talking to Corey for a bit. I need to make stronger connections while im safe so I can rely on them to want to work with me in the future warzones.

I am so happy to be safe this round! I'm kind of just glossing over the tribe swap because it's barely like we're on tribes since we're competing against them. Just hoping it's 2 from the other tribe gone so that way we still have 5 people to be safe. But also it'll probably be 1 and 1. Either way someone is coming back because retrograde is activated every round 2 people leave so that's going to be interesting. Them and Nehe can start a club...unless it's Nehe again lol. Honestly let it be Nehe again because it means he won't win in the end. Like who would vote for the person who was voted out twice, once has happened, but twice, idk if people would respect that. It would be he hasn't been playing a good game since it was easy to take him out. I'm just excited that I don't have to attend tribal and I can talk to people without the stress of making plans. Matt and I have been talking and he's pretty cool. He is definitely someone I can see myself working with since he's easy to talk to so far.

Well this twist is proving chaotic as it was intended. It appears we have a split but who the hell onows with this round. I do feel a little vulnerable with short repossess from some. I mean anyone could go home tonight.

i will write something longer when I'm home but I'm shook???? that I won the flash game thing. Matt is my fave and I hope my boring Scorpio person goes home thx

Do I trust that these people are gonna give me the correct information when its only 15 minutes before tribal? Not for a fucking MOMENT! But I haven't heard my name and people are like swimming between 2 names and I love both of them equally. Like this is sooooo hard. No me gusta.

I got meself an alliance AND I somehow still haven’t gone to tribal... why am I more stressed now than I was before??? I think the fact that the game is becoming super real is what’s making me really nervous, and as much as having a solid 3 with Owen and Kait makes me extremely happy, considering I trust them more than I’ve trusted an alliance in most games, there’s still so much game left to be played, and I remember in Solomon getting swapped away from my allies and it screwing me over.... I’m shaky!

Oop. Tribal is going to be soon. I wonder who the two that will be going. I just hope it isnt someone Ive been talking to. 2 people will be leaving so i think its going to trigger retrograde and one will be back.This warzone is really messing up strategy in this game.

I missed two round confessionals which suck but to quickly basically sum what y’all missed. I formed the voters pact that plan was throw challenges to get to the warzone but that in it self failed cause they didn’t all throw and then doodle was voted off the next round. I also kinda got lied to about the vote so like boo. This round  in the warzone I kinda like this batch and it’s now how do we navigate the double vote out thing. I have a personal vendetta with Adrian cause I don’t trust him and Chloe is basically a non factor . So the plan since last night was always to go for those two it was just how do we go about it. I decided to make a group of 5 because it made it easier for them to willingly “choose” who they wanted to vote. And thankfully we lead them into voting chloe and Adrian. Now it’s just navigating who votes who and if the plan stays the plan. Fucking Devon is chaotic switching shit. He tried to switch the vote to willow to succumb to Thomas but who gives a fuck what Thomas is voting. I just care about the finale vote tally. I’m afraid definitely if it’s gonna be me for the fact that I don’t want to go back to the retrogade but it can easily be me. Like personally I feel like I’m always able to get people to groove in the direction I want but then I let them mingle and shit happens. I always make sure to have a hand in with everyone sonthey don’t want to turn on me but really the people I truly trust is stevie, Devon and maybe Stephen. Stephen is weirding me out shady vibes but we’ll see.

Immunity never tasted so good! I need Adrian to be safe. I need Madison and Jacob to be safe bc I think they’re at tribal? I would like Renee and Maynor gone but they’re both safe boo hoo. I am socializing w everyone. I love Trace, Adrian, Ian. I would like Cullan gone sooner rather than later as he is hard to socialize with but I like his partner, Willow. That being said, I think everyone likes Willow. Her leaving wouldn’t be the worst thing tonight but I do stan.

I have no sins I’m literally just sitting !!!! Kisses!!!!! Made an alliance with Matt and Kait. But you know how this is gonna turn out....? Kait and Matt are gonna get closer and at some point she will pick HIM over ME!!!! Heksjd this CYS flashback. But for now I like them. Glad that Timmy and madison are on my tribe even tho Timmy considered voting stevie.... speaking of Stevie zzzz boy rlly almost didn’t save himself Lol. But yeah I’m happy the game has shaken up and I’m excited to see what happens at this tribal. I need to really step my social game up tho so I have numbers when I’m down in that bottom ten

I’m tryna figure out this vote like magnifying glass emoji

It sucked thay Willow went. Hopefully she is able to come back because I feel like i had a good connection with her. Madison and Stephen survived so that was good. Right now Im hoping that i can be part of the live challenge. So I have hit M4 N4 O4 P4 and Q4. Im hoping R4 is the last one and i get something tonight at 11:30pm. I keep forgetting to do a reminder for idol guess so it keeps going back further n further.

so happy we voted out two girls, no offense but this warzone twist makes it impossible to backstab nehe and co. effectively. Its fine, hopefully itll be over soon and I can vote his ass out. No offense to the guy but he just very controlling.

Willow, nothing against you, but I really wanted you gone. I hated that you made it to FTC of another ORG without anything besides an idol play and I can say I am not fulfilled. Sadly, Chloe went to and it sucks because I always wanted to play with her but sadly it was short lived, for now. Hopefully Chloe wins her way back into the game!

Of fucking course it's Chloe and Willow in the retrograde. Bastards are voting off the people I know for sure would mess up and leak it to me if I needed to play my idol. I told Corey about how Cullan is short with me and he confirmed he is short to him as well, it must just be how Cullan is. That's fine and all but makes it hard to get a read on him. Corey and I continue to get along from my perspective, more good news, I did not fuck up while I was completely wasted last night and tell someone about my idol. I have a bad track record of getting drunk and laying all my cards on the table to people. I'm not only playing against everyone in the game but also drunk Ian, and that guy is a prick.

I did my next hit and it sunk the ship!! It’s my first time actually finding something in these idol searches. It may not have been an idol but a vote steal is a good item to have when you just need that one more vote. Im not going to tell anyone I have it. Its going to be a secret until it is used to take a big target/threat in this game.

so far in this game im just working on building my connections! i havent gotten a vote yet which is good but i want to try and not go to tribal as much anymore bc eventually i will become a target. i feel as though my best alliance is with madison obvi since we started together and are good friends. other than that im glad adrian stayed because she is someone i could see myself working with

Fuck this I’m tired and my fingers hurt and ugh

Im waiting to found the retrograde duel and hopefully willow is able to come back because I have some part of connection with her. That is all for today. Oop. Bulbasaur in detective Pikachu was the cutest!!

I got voted out bc I had a busy 2 days and I don't think my score for retrograde is very high goodbye

[jungkoog]

dez quick quest....how do u make friends w ppl on here like i am so lonely ////trapped behind this lil glass wall watchin other ppl b cute w each other on my dash

fuck i’ve just been pondering on this and then like writing entire novelas over and over again since you sent it....... it shouldn’t be so hard to answer right?? but it is, I'm sorry lmao. Im dead tired too ngl so some of this might sound like gibberish i apologise in advance if that turns out to be the case lol 😩

first off I'm surprised and yet pleased that you asked ME of all ppl this question cause quite frankly I'm actually very shitty at making friends and i range from being lowkey to highkey anxious about calling anyone my friend lmao for fear that they don’t feel the same way?? so thats a bit scary for me to answer because it’s like I'm answering as if I’ve got a whole bunch of friends and I'm super duper popular and dada dada da, i know you probably don’t mean it that way but its just something i worry about lmao

this is what i have to say though:

You need to increase your chances of finding opportunities to connect with people, so that means you need to reach out. but a lot of the time, and it can be so disheartening sometimes, it won’t go anywhere. But it also needs to be understood that sometimes even if there doesn’t actually seem to be a whole lot of interaction they may still consider you a friend and you can let that blossom.

1. reply & interact

be kind, be funny, be thoughtful, be open, find reasons to spark interaction with someone. if someone tags you in something, if its a tag meme type of post then reply or reblog and like and respond to things either in the tags when you reblog it or in the replies. like literally any similarity you find, you can say something about that and they may respond back. Are you born in the same year? are you born in the same month? did they watch a movie you liked/hated? do they live in the same country as you? did they say something that made you laugh? do they love the same bts era as you? just anything, like write your thoughts, don’t overdo it ofc but just take into account what you would enjoy to have someone reply with and then if it comes naturally to ask them a question too then that paves the way for a conversation and more things to connect about. ...This fact can be very disheartening but its only gonna work if they like you, and not everyone is gonna have much interest in you...its a shitty part of life lmao. it.......very often has to be natural, you have to let it happen and if it doesn’t then it doesn’t

2. tag mutuals in things they’ve specified they’d enjoy being tagged in (many ppl have ‘@me in’ somewhere on their blog)

this gives you the opportunity to connect to them with things that appeal to the both of you, and if you’re tagged in something by someone then, similarly to #1, this can give you reasons to interact in the tags when you reblog what they’ve tagged you in

3. apply for networks and opt into being added to kkt chats. (kakao talk)

It’s a lot of trial and error and just learning to go with the flow of it until you find someone you click with.

I wish you very much luck 💗💕 and..... I'm sorry if I'm ZERO help whatsoever :(, send me an ask again if the urge strikes you

I’m wondering though, have we ever spoken before? 

[bigskydreaming]

Hey, so ppl who have followed me awhile, you know how occasionally I toss out random concepts as like, just general prompts because they were a thing that happened in my brain and I thought they were a cool idea but have no time/plans to write them ever so I’m always like....dude, run with it if it sparks something for you?

So due to my physiological incompatibility with Being Subtle Ever and my many many rants on how much it annoys me when people who openly state they’re not a survivor themselves then go on to share writing that clearly views Law & Order SVU as viable Research Material like....its not exactly a shocker that I’m a big believer in the idea that there are just some stories that some people aren’t meant to write. Like full stay in your lane premises, stories where it doesn’t matter how thoroughly or sincerely you research experiences outside your own - its just not your story to write.

And occasionally I also definitely come up with novel ideas that fall in this category. Some even make it all the way to extensively plotted/worldbuilt stages of outlining before I clue in that the basic premise is just unworkable for ME, due to my specific axes of identity....like sometimes I just really love an idea and so try and workshop it and come at it from a different angle that is more approachable for me....but ultimately, there have been a number of times when I’ve just had to put aside even a really in depth world or idea because it was just too innately connected in my head to various lived experiences or cultural identities that I don’t feel comfortable writing towards.

Like for example, years ago I plotted out this one YA novel idea that’s like....historical sci-fi, ‘alienpunk’ - like the basic idea was what if a First Contact scenario with aliens coming to Earth happened, but in the 19th century, like late 1800s. Steampunk style aesthetics, but instead of it being ahead-of-its-time steam powered technology, it was the anachronistic results of combining advanced alien technology with early or mid-Industrial Age science.

The thing was, despite trying out various different eras or locations, the story that kept coming out in outline was pretty firmly centered in America in the late 1800s, and like, it would be a huge glaring omission for ME to write that story and not have any black characters or acknowledge the social aspects of it being set during a post-Civil War era, and like...that’s not really For Me to write IMO.....and so as much as I loved the general idea, I felt pretty strongly that as it was, it just wasn’t a story I needed to write, when I have plenty more that are much more based out of my own lanes.

And to be clear, the story isn’t ABOUT slavery, that was never the issue, its not thematically built around related concepts, nothing like that. Its a sci-fi ‘aliens came to Earth and shit inevitably happened both because Aliens and also because People’ adventure....that is also historical fiction, with the era in question being post-Civil War America. Its just a story SET during that time, because that was the way it unfolded for me and I couldn’t get it to click creatively any other way. But still, its just disingenuous to pretend that any story set during that era doesn’t have a ton of room for expansion or commentary or bringing in more themes - with me just not being the right author to do that. Not my place, it just is what it is, and I’m wholly fine with that.

Anyway, my point with all this is I have a pretty sizable number of basic premises and even full outlines along those ‘nope, this isn’t actually for me after all’ lines that I’ve set aside over the years because like....my brain literally never shuts off and I write a fucking lot lot lot. And I do think a lot of them are pretty good ideas that someone could make some really fun stories out of, because I’m biased and occasionally do manage to love myself, like yeah, I do write good shit if I say so myself. But given that I’m not that person to write those particular stories, like I’d love to offer them up to other writers who might be interested in doing something with them.

And again just to be total clear - I am very much an ‘any time I say do whatever the fuck you want with this, I really mean it’ kinda guy. These would come with zero strings or expectations. If you like one of these ideas and want the outline or notes I made for it, its yours to do whatever the fuck you want with. Stick to the outline, don’t stick to it, just run with the basic premise, use the notes as a springboard to launch your own creativity into entirely new directions that didn’t even occur to me - sky’s the limit, have at it, I wouldn’t ask for or expect any compensation or official credit or royalties or whatever the fuck, not the point of this. Literally my only request would be like, hey, if you finish something off of one of these and do something with it, maybe gimme a shout out in the acknowledgments section and drop me a copy when you’re done because literally every story idea I’ve ever had, I’ve had it because at the end of the day its a story I want to read so....I’d definitely want to read whatever you come up with lol, but its YOUR story at that point. No hidden strings or whatever, you can cite this post as your official proof of that if needed I guess? Idk, its all pretty bullshit to me. God, I’m a publisher’s worst nightmare.

But I mean, the entire reason I didn’t ever write any of these specific stories and don’t think I ever will is because I quite literally don’t think I’m the right person to write them which means I quite literally believe there’s a metric fuck ton of people who could write them better than me and do things with them I never could and would never even occur to me, so like...lmfao, please don’t worry that I’m gonna be sitting here ever thinking like ugh how dare they not stick to my outline and notes and think they knew how to write this idea better than me. Like, you can. I want you to. That’s the whole point.

So yeah, basically the endpoint of all this rambling is if any writers out there would be interested in this kinda thing, drop me a reply or a reblog or even just an ask with what you think is a good way to handle that. 

Like, I was thinking just whenever I’m thinking about one of them I’d maybe make a post (maybe tagged with a specific tag I use as a catch-all for any one of these ‘up for grabs’ outlines) about the general idea or a couple of the characters I came up with and a list of the kind of materials I wrote out for that story and their extent, like does that one have a full outline, is it more just worldbuilding and character notes, etc. And if someone’s interested or is like “oh I read this and it totally gave me all these ideas for what to do with a story like that” or whatever, just hit me up and first come first serve, the full file is yours. 

But like, that’s just my ‘puts the lazy in laissez-faire,’ pulled it out of my ass two seconds ago idea for how to approach this, so if anyone has a better or more coherent idea, or even just a thought for what to tag this kinda thing, I’m all ears.

(Just final additional disclaimers: I’m super duper aggressively not interested in being like ‘mmmm, lemme judge your writing first and pick whomever I think is the Most Qualified To Write Mine Idea Properly’ like eww, gross, and similarly I have no desire to ask for identity credentials.  Like if you’re a white writer and you read all of this and hit me up about a story I say I decided not to write because its heavily influenced by Mesoamerican cultures to a degree that I was like, I personally don’t feel anyone but a Latinx writer needs to be profiting off this story - I mean, you could definitely be like ‘oh I’m Latinx’ y’know, like a liar, and I’d be like okay sure, and if it ends up published later and I’m like hey I recognize that story and hey that author is as white as me, like.....you could do that I guess, and that’s a thing that could happen and like....that’s between you and your own choices and reasoning at that point and if you’re comfortable with that I mean, you do you, just be aware I probably think you’re an asshole then. C’est la vie. The world will keep turning.)