#just like. idk a ''your past doesnt define who you decide to be in the future'' way

[vaugarde]

in my kirby verse im trying to figure out how taranzolor can work (because i cant get over ships i liked when i was 14 lmao) since in this taranza finally makes progress in moving on after the events of TKCD (which is a LARP session gone wrong here) and in that game and star allies they bond while magolor is trying to improve himself as a person and i imagine it was initially formed on a shakier foundation? bc magolor was a better person by TKCD albeit traumatized from the events of RTDL, but yknow he still was a fuckhead and liked to mess with people and a part of him did still crave to be something more and felt aimless and meaningless without something like the master crown to run after, and i think taranza would have seen sectonia parallels in that and basically just went “i can fix him”. and its like taranza trying desperately to keep his new friend/crush from destroying himself with power and greed and an outside force tearing his body apart like sectonia did (even though ironically he is also carving out his own destruction by focusing so hard on the past).

except they both need to be fixed they both need a therapist but like AFTER they get the therapist magolor learns to be satisfied with where he is and how to cope with what happened, taranza learns to move on and not punish himself constantly for what happened with sectonia and not focus so hard on the past when he has his whole life ahead of him. and they realize they still have their futures and decide... maybe they can figure it out together if they don’t have much else (at that specific point)

[jennyyyeeettt]

stuff i learned more on the internet than irl

get a drink

you are unique, you are a part of the universe.

don't change, unless it's for the better and it makes you feel good

real friends care about you

what you need is more important than what you want

you write your own story, don't let others decide for you

there's no shame in being who you truely are, whoever doesn't respect that doesn't deserve your time

be proud of the little things you did bec. 5% is better than 0%

nothing lasts forever, so choose to "seize the day"//carpe diem boys//

if you are not where you are try to get there with plans and imaginatioins

imagine ur best self and show up as them

nothing is wrong with you, you are loved. bec there are many people in the world u didn't meet. and there's no way you are not someone's type

you are not ugly, u r just bored of ur face bec u see it everyday since you've been born and u hearedthe comments on it

stay nice or quiet, everyone has their battles

no mattar how much u think you are fucked up rn, months later things will change and u will forget about it

grief doesnt go away with time, time just teaches us to "deal with it"

just bec it doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't mean it's ok

karma is real, she just takes time and sometimes works secretly

romantic love isn't more important than platonic love

just bec someone is doing it, does't mean you HAVE to

if the story doesn't fit you, change something about it

being "private" is not the same as being "secretive" in relationships

before jumping to conclusions, ask and discuss, -with a good, none threatening tone-

love changes a person, even if it's not quickly

not being productive doesn't mean being worthless

being in a slump is not being lazy

everyone is an addict to something

treat yourself like you would a child every now and then and be a better parent to yourself

you are gorgeous anyways, so don't care what others say

if you fail, try again! it does't define you, it's not a part of u, it's like a game.. when a game says "game over" you just reply it

labels are so overrated, don't stress about it.. u do u

distance is a bitch, unless its distancing from toxic ppl and behaviours

love is not selfish love is understanding and comprimizing

saying i love you is not dangerous when its used with the right people

words of affermation ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT

a "hopeless case" is never "hopeless"

the person they called "useless", made someone's day and helped them through a tough life

life is short, take risks, tell the people that you love how much they mean to you. no time for being fake.

idk if i already said that but fake it till u make it fr fr bro

push yourself bec no one else will, but also be kind to yourself -very difficult balance- IF you read all that, i hope you at least saw a thing that was helpful, I learned them literally from the internet (friends and communities and all) and I've been doing that for the past 2 years and they work with me, i didnt realize them at first but being a bit of a self critic i realized these stuff, even people now started to point it out. me and one of my fav internet bsff realized how we changed over the years and talking to their mom she also noticed it and its just so great to see how we both affected eachother and encouraged eachother to be better ... nothing is better than to find a home in yourslef .. doesnt mean it doesnt get tough sometimes, doesnt mean that i dont struggle with anything, but we are all humans, overall all we do is change and grow and its either to the best or not, it gets hard, but good relationships fixes the broken parts over time .. im so grateful for my family aka my internet besties :3 its 5 30 am and i need to sleep .. got a bit emotional lol :') hope yall have a good day/night take care

[clouds-rambles]

Hi, idk if this makes since but can i request a oneshot of diluc x reader where he finds out his s/o used to be an assassin from like inazuma in the past (like when they were young) like a dangerous one from an old acquaintance s/o bumped into? Sorry if this doesnt make sense or it lacks detail </3 hope you have a good day though ❤️

Cloud immediately goes back to angst after fluff headcanons lmao. Iconic of me.

Also once I’ve emptied the ask box I’m planning on doing a nth-hundred special cause I think they’re cool so hopefully my box will be open soon again :)

Pairings; Diluc x reader

Warning(s); death mentions, angst, comfort

Keep reading under the cut!

You had only wanted to spend your paid leave in Mondstat for the month. But here you are five years later, ‘retired’ from your position as one of two-dozen of Baals personal assassins.

Sure, you’d never be able to return home to your lack of family and lack of friends. But, you’ve made a life here in Mondstat and you’re more then content on never going back to the old life back in Inazuma. 

You had left before Inazuma had made its borders difficult to cross, hence why you took your vacation in the city of freedom. In the decade of being an assassin you had slowly lost your need for blood, especially those of abroad diplomats and even politicians that Baal no longer wanted in power but didn’t want to make a diplomatic matter out of. Your vision helped make the deaths look more natural than they were.

Your partner of four years, Diluc, knows that you’re from Inazuma. He had originally met you when you were on holiday. But the fact of your assassin work stayed unspoken of. You had never expected your past to catch up with you. Especially considering your home countries current isolationism.

“[name]?” you hear your name spoken from across the street in Mondstat, you look to the source of the call to notice a woman who looked after you while you were in Inazuma

“No way” you say to yourself, a confused Diluc stood beside you. You embrace the woman with a smile “It’s been too long” you tell her 

“You should have sent a letter to be” the woman says sternly after backing out the hug “When I received news that you were never coming back I had presumed that a contract when wrong” she confesses her features lightening

“I was given the taste of freedom and I took it” you grin at the woman

“Is the taste of freedom red, dark and handsome?” the woman jests turning to Diluc who outstretches a hand, the woman shakes it “And who is the name of the man who took an assassins heart?” she asks. You shoot the woman a glare at the lack of her secrecy. Diluc too stiffens at the name of your previous occupation

“Diluc” you answer for him “And all that nonsense is far behind me” you tell the woman sternly who puts her hands up in defence

“I’m not sure, your colleagues tell me Baal is rather angry at your resignation to this day” the woman tells you cocking an eyebrow

“Assassin?” Diluc questions looking at you, you don’t answer him but choose to continue to glare at the woman

“Hm, that’s why you’re here? To kill me or to take me back?” you question stepping forwards towards the woman you would have once considered a sister. She sighs

“I couldn’t kill you swee-” you interrupt her

“Tell Baal to use the other 23 to do her dirty work” you pause and go to turn around but stop “You go back right now and tell her that. And if I see another one of you or the assassins in Mondstat again I wont hesitate to put to use the skills Baal groomed me for” you add pushing a finger in her face before walking away, a confused Diluc trailing behind you.

The two of you don’t talk about the events until after dinner, mainly because it takes you that long to calm down from the events that transpired. You look to Diluc, ready to take anything and everything that comes your way. You did hide a crucial detail from him, especially when he was so open about his past.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions, I’ll answer them all” you tell Diluc sitting opposite him. Diluc processes your statement.

“An assassin?” you nod “From Inazuma?” you nod again “Would you care to tell me why you never told me?” he asks staring you down

“Well when I first got here I had to keep my identity a secret, especially to keep my holiday as peaceful as possible, but after I left I just wanted to bury it” you explain “I had been contemplating leaving and starting life anew for a few years and this was the first place that I could pursue the dream of being free” you add “I didn’t want to be defined by what I was” 

Diluc nods, you’re not sure how to read him, he’s put on a façade that you had grown familiar with when you first met him. You’re not sure if this is temporary or he’s going to kick you out the manor the second he stops questioning you.

“I was also scared of losing you” you confess with a chuckle “I know your feelings about threats to Mondstat, and I didn’t want to be read as one, I was scared” you add turning your attention away from Diluc, you miss his eyes softening for a moment. “There were so many times I was going to tell you, but every time I tried I had the picture of you just leaving me there, or worse you decide to eliminate a potential threat” you sigh wiping your eyes. Diluc hums at your words letting you know he’s listening 

“I would have like to have learnt from you though” he confesses shifting forwards to touch your shoulder, you lean into the touch

“I’m sorry” you apologise and look up to him “I understand if you want me to leave” you tell him. Diluc shakes his head and pats his lap for you to sit on. You oblige

“I trust you enough” he confesses “Which might be a little stupid but I love you too much to just throw you out” he adds wiping a stray tear, you hug him tight

“I love you too” you tell him from the bottom of your heart

This is going to hurt a whole lot more when this charade is over

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i seen a few times ppl like implying that the positive char development that the donuts are getting via their experiences has anything to do with them having Needed A Break from each other.......i’m truly bemused like. are you talking about this in terms specifically of their Relationship to each other? b/c frankly the way i was seeing it is that their relationship prior to these arcs was actually in a fairly chill place, and that they had figured out a lot of things abt their own / each others needs in terms of it that had been causing them problems and all. obviously i wasnt thinking like “guess everythings perfect for them now” since i mean it wasnt even clear they were like for sure officially ~together~ but also b/c why would it be when they’d just started to be able to have a more solid handle on their own mutual deal

but also like. the only thing we can really say is that sadie quit the big donut and got “yolo” knuck tats because there was nothing at all adequate abt the job w/o having a coworker to hang out w and the fact that lars just went off and died is like, well then live for the fuckin moment i guess huh. like that situation isnt even caused just by the fact that lars is absent, like maybe he’s on vacation or something. its that he, again, died and is still in danger and nobody knows for sure if/when he’ll get back. maybe she wouldn’t’ve started a garage band if that hadn’t happened, but its not like if she had done that and lars was still there, she would definitely be prevented from doing anything involving pursuing her interests, like. idk hopefully nobody thinks that ppl in relationships can’t have independent pursuits or focus on their personal interests

meanwhile there’s no point in saying that anything lars is doing requires sadie’s absence either. its more sort of say the absence of absolutely everyone on earth save steven for a bit there. like sure it was a factor that they got separated the way they did and he felt bad for being too panicky to help her but, same as with sadie, that has nothing to do with benefitting directly from her not being there. and its not like being separated from sadie was the One Reason he was able save everybody and get them all on a spaceship. there was like half a dozen factors there; to suggest if sadie had been there he wouldn’t be able to do this is.....i dont even know...

like fr this whole time for the both of them, the other has been probably the person they’ve been most comfortable being most like themselves around, and not feeling the kind of pressure from each other that generally stifles them in most other situations (like how lars is afraid of how ppl (he presumes negatively) judge him, how sadie feels bound by various expectations for what ppl think she’s really like (but isn’t really like))...the fact that they’re both getting to explore these different sides of themselves isnt really anything they couldnt do back on earth together. the events that happened to separate them (and separate lars from like all of earth...just to reiterate..) just happened to give them a real boost along the lines of making these decisions that impacted their development and gave them these totally new roles within totally new experiences

this is like ppl who have some idea that lars “needed” to die. like, even when its not just ppl who think so badly of lars’s char that they Wanted him to die, but rather looking back on the fact that that happened and he was killed/revived real quick lol—lars didnt Have to do that to have the development of getting to actually fight to protect others and himself and gain some confidence. he wouldve done that whether or not it had actually killed him—when he let the guys scan him without knowing it WOULDNT kill him was arguably enough to give him the same development as if the one hadnt blown up at him suddenly. and i mean, the space piracy is given a fun angle because its cool and genre, but none of them are doing it for fun. they’re trying to get to earth and not fuckin die along the way. lars is getting to continue Experiencing Some Confidence for the first time in probably ever but to present the situation he’s in and how he’s gotten there as something he “needed” is a bit cruel lol...he coulda done that on earth

like yeah if they were both living their normal lives you dont Know that some normal earth event would make them quit and sadie pursue her interests and independence while lars is put in a situation where he feels like he Belongs in a group and has confidence in himself and his ability to do like, anything. but thats coz events sort of just happen at you randomly. like how the event of being attacked by aliens basically led to this for them...it wasnt the Only Way these things could happen, its just The One Way That They Did

and like i also dont quite see that these changes theyve gotten to go through are going to put them in a perfect version of a relationship when lars gets back to earth...they still dont have the longest history of feeling kinda secure in the fact that the other really does actually like them ok, and this whole time theyve been teenz so what do you expect them having a smooth tumult-free development for, and having positive (and negative) experiences separately doesnt just automatically translate into an instantly leveled up relationship the moment they stand within 10 ft of each other again. they gotta catch up and relearn where each other is at and what their new lives and wants and needs are...and just coz their positive development might make it a bit Easier for them if some of their strongest insecurities are a lil blunted now & plus just that being happier tends to make everything easier, doesnt mean that everything is simply effortless. tbh if a relationship is effortless and stays together forever thats less Romantic And Ideal than like, sheer luck.

and it’s unrealistic (in life and in how the show doesnt make a character complete an emotional arc in a single episode or suddenly shed a defining trait just because they realize they ought to change their approach re: something or other) to think that either lars or sadie have like, completely shed all their issues as individuals anyways. and i mean, its their issues that drove them to make these changes theyre currently on. sadie being frustrated with her job, feeling unable to be herself = the motivations that means she’s now really actively pursuing what tf she feels like doing and pushing for it to continue and for it to be in line w what she wants it to be. but she’s not suddenly freed from all insecurities or feeling like everything’s perfect forever and she can never feel stifled again. plus yanno this whole time she freakin misses lars coz they’re friends and that’s not like...something she’s needed to do. absence makes the heart grow fonder but “be apart from each other indefinitely” isnt any kind of a relationship requirement. its just painful and all.

and lars knowing what its like to be afraid all the time and being frustrated abt it means he was so pushed to all at once finally stand up against what he’s scared of that he went and got himself killed, and also that he doesn’t feel the same social pressure he did on earth amongst the off colors, because he knows they know what its like to be scared all the time too—which ppl back on earth didnt understand about him. and so its the fact he’s so familiar with fear and stress that he’s able to fight for them and himself so hard now. but it’s not like you can just Decide your lifelong anxieties out of existence. after a dramatically changing experience, you’re not gonna be the same person you were before, and you’re not gonna be a totally different person. lars isnt some different person unaffected by fears or insecurities anymore. like heck he was still afraid that sadie actually didn’t miss him at all and was maybe even glad that he was gone, something that was completely in line with who he’s been and how he’s felt this whole series. and people go and be annoyed b/c i guess they expect him to just be a character Completely Changed by one dramatic yet brief part of his life rather than a character who’s still just developing and shaped by all his past experiences actually. and who, no, didnt get to choose to shed all fear b/c thats not how it works. he still feels it, he just finally got the taste of taking action anyways. plus even now that he’s not stuck in a crisis over thinking sadie might just hate him now, tbh he does still need to hear it from her that she doesnt lol)

also? tbh? lars’s Whole New Thing has been happening while he’s (mostly) isolated on a spaceship, w just the offcolors and maybe occasional interactions w hostile aliens, which hardly counts as socializing. and sadie’s whole thing of being herself and pursuing her own desires is still happening just around the cool kids really—not to mention all behind a persona. it’s actually not even that like, a lack of confidence = lack of stage fright or vice versa. its a whole other thing for her to stand up for herself and make her own choices in areas that have nothing to do with her band, even though the experiences within the band will help and give her a starting point and something to feel secure in. just like when lars is back on earth and off the ship, he won’t have the same role he has just around the off colors, just being the front of that band in his own, more imperiled, less musical way. and just coz he knows he can hold his own against destructive imperialistic colonizing aliens, doesnt mean he’s gonna be fearless in the face of the cool kids now, or think he can do anything. he’s still faced with the expectations and perceptions from ppl that he did before he left, even if the way ppl act with lars can easily change now. again, just coz things might be easier for the dnuts now doesnt mean they’ve just shrugged off their problems or are now faced with effortless paths in all aspects of their lives

theyve needed a break from the norm they used to have, but Each Other was the least of what was holding them back from changing things up for themselves. it was completely external events as much as anything else that changed things up for them, coz thats how it works sometimes—and within their new circumstances theyve gotten to experience a new situation that lets them be a bit different than they’ve gotten to be back on earth. i mean, they were really restricted. they had the terrible job, both have somewhat strained relationships w parents who dont seem to really understand who their child is, both of them feel pressured by people in general, both have insecurities, both were kind of just faced with a future that didnt involve them being able to just see happiness coming down the line. and it was a big problem for both of them tbh that neither of them really had any friends. sadie was finding it difficult to express herself or be herself, she was always in a scenario where someone (her mom, corporate policy, customers,) expected her to be a certain way that wasnt the real her, she had a crap job, nobody really seemed to know her, her tendency to Hold Back Until You Blow Up could be counterproductive to say the least. lars is stuck in the same job, with nobody thinking he’s particularly good for anything, even his parents not really expecting him to succeed in any way, desperately wanting friends but being too afraid of people to make any, being defensively irritable and pushing people away but unable to be angry on his own behalf. they’re both getting their first chance to be themselves, they’ve both stumbled into Friend Groups where they’re not only respected but supported and even esteemed, they’re both making and acting on choices completely on their own and not being as held back by their fears. but they’re the same people and none of this means the problems they’ve been dealing with are over because of it. they’ve just been forced to adapt to this change that’s come upon them, and they’ve both happened to make the most of it and be getting something positive out of a really crap situation. they could be having these arcs via a different scenario, but it would probably have to be more drawn out if nobody was in fuckin space

getting away from me slightly but its weird to say that lars and sadie Needed to be separated by lightyears thru a horrible experience and one of them is killed and still in space indefinitely. and i dont know how you’d describe what’s happening there as “a break.” that not only implies that they chose to be separated but that they have had the option to be together this whole time and continuously chosen not to, and have considered this whole experience to be a positive thing. an involuntary separation where both really wish they weren’t separated isnt a break. and to say that either of them Need to be separated in this particular way, like, man you know what their relationship needs? someone to be sent an impossible distance away & he died and might die again and might be unable to return. like, no relationship needs that or anything like that. it’d be affected by it sure, and they might be able to find silver linings in it as they have, but its never going to be necessary.....like, fucks sake if it was, how fucked up would that be

again a break would have to be something voluntarily chosen that they believed would be positive for them both, not that they believed would involve mortal peril. and they like, arent enjoying the fact theyre separated. and what the characters are going through is more about their individual developments than how it necessarily applies to their relationship—again i’d argue their relationship was in a decent place actually. not perfect obv, but good...i mean look at how good they both were at recognizing what they were both struggling with re each other. lars didnt Almost Die or anything, until later. and i imagine this stuff is going to help, but not in a “if this hadnt happened their relationship would be doomed” way. and again it is kinda wild to say that any of this might be required of them for any reason, they’re really going thru some shit w all this

anyways 🍩

[yhellowmil28]

Closure

My last letter to you..

I felt the need to do this so I can finally get the closure I wanted. I left unexpectedly bc I avoided confrontation about the problems in our relationship internally. I left because i knew if we stayed friends, we wouldnt have the same mutual feelings for each other anymore. I felt the more i stayed the more you were hoping i would still feel the same. But i didnt. The harshest reality is that our breakup was a slow burn. Overtime my feelings slowly disappeared and never came back. I dont know when it started but one day i woke up saying i dont wanna feel this way anymore and i started living by my word. There was a line where my heart had to stop loving and breaking bc i don’t know how many times i can put it back together again. Sorry if naconfused kta when i went back and forth on you. That pinaasa kta back then. Idk if i ever promised you anything but if i did im sorry i cant follow through with it. I realised maybe its time for me to believe and accept who you are and what your decided to do. Even though i didnt like it at least you were honest about it. Youre honest that youre unable to love me the way i needed to. You see I had an idealisation of you. I romanticised the love that i hoped for and your unwillingness to work for that was my perfect answer. So im sorry i can not reciprocate your feelings anymore. I had reasons to let go of you. I hope you understand my boundaries now and that what i had to offer doesnt come easy. Ethan, not every woman will correspond to your own time and healing. Not every woman will love you on your terms. Not every woman will wait and give you another chance pow. Thats on you and how youll take that responsibility. I have outgrown u in that and thats enough for me to let go. Im not gonna spend days waiting for you to recognise my worth and value.. that got me tired the first time round.

I reread your letters one day and i felt like you described how much i meant to u based on how i loved you unconditionally. But you still were holding back from change bc you thought i was never going to forgive you. Ethan im not gonna keep telling and emphasising how much i appreciated you. Ive reminded you that countless times in every letter and if it still left you wondering if i ever loved you back then you need a reality check. You cant love someone when you cant even love yourself first. You sought after my validation and love. You were never whole in the beginning. Maybe the next time you get into a relationship youll learn how to establish your boundaries and know your value and worth more. Bc recognising that will let you see the treatment people give you.

I went to church for nine days for Sto Nino. And recently on the eight day novena the priest talked about forgiveness. It made me remember during the time that we tried being friends and i remember still feeling deeply hurt by what you did to me and my friends. I never seemed to think about it until i heard his message. He said, “As humans we tend to be driven by our emotions. Only when we forgive can we receive God’s grace and peace. We run by this whenever others try to attack us by vile words and offence.” And i suddenly remembered crying as my hatred grew for you and i pushed the blame on you. Sa totoo lng i also have a fault in it. But instead i didnt want to hold accountable for it. I realised that i was not truthful to myself. I ignored and let my feelings got the best of me. And for that i do sincerely apologise. Sometimes we think people are undeserving to be forgiven due to the consequences they burdened you. (Come to think of it ayoko maging accountable for my own fault bc i didnt know how to fix the problem. And the problem made me very vulnerable. But i had to accept my wrong. I had to face them whether i liked it or not and own up my mistakes.) Though it's difficult it's not the matter of how much forgiveness they deserve but more of how much joy, happiness, and peace you really want in your life. And it's up to you if you're willing to let that go or hold on to it. So i forgive you ethan. It was hard to understand you at first but i realised that overtime the weight of pain does subsequently lighten up. And i dont hold anything against you at all. I dont hate you. Bc first, i got my answer and second its not your fault you didnt do what i needed you to do.

Not all the time everyone will love you for what you give. Your 100% in the relationship may differ from others but that doesnt mean you cant work on areas where you need to. Love is not linear. It is uncomfortable, unbalanced and everyday is a commitment. But if it doesnt benefit you anymore you have every right to leave. Im sorry for leaving you hanging like that but you knew what had to be done to let both of us heal. This was not my battle to fight. When i endured the pain, I thought i couldve done that alone. But i was forcing myself into something that wasnt for me. It takes two people for a relationship to work and sadly i felt like i was the only one trying. I learned that the hard way and with that there were shitty consequences. I failed to take accountability and blamed it on you and for that again i sincerely apologise. I may have worsen your trauma but you should know yourself and not let it define you. Oo makapal tlaga yung mukha ko. But where would i be if i let others opinion get the best of me. After what i did to my friends i still have more lessons to learn. One is that im not perfect. Ive committed many sins and mistakes that ive regretted since idk birth which left a hole inside of me. And God sees that im not perfect. It does not excuse me from being accountable for my actions but whats enlightening is that God has never judged me for my decisions in life. He has never abandoned me through every step of my journey regardless if ako yung kusang lumalayo. He sees through my flaws and impurity. And he healed me. The parable of the leper. Just watch this when you have time.. in day 3 it spoke a lot about Gods love for us. https://youtu.be/8KDz2VG8tUQ ...when i dont let myself be defined by my own problems and issues, it made me a stronger person.

But for now im gonna prioritise myself. And slowly gain back what i lost in the process of losing myself. As selfish as it may sound i dont feel the need of anyone to complete me. I am complete by myself and im happy. I could care less what you think what others will think as long as i know myself and i know what im capable of. For now i will keep my head up and heart open to those that deserve it. I wish you the best in life, ethan. I hope you still know that i care for you. I still have the same respect for you as a person.

You can reach out to us for anything. Well be here to support you if youre willing. Im okay, ive gotten over it and ive grown from this experience. I have so much to learn from myself and for now i need to focus and grow by myself. I pray everyday that you will heal and continue to seek for growth. I hope you dont condemn to what others made you believe. I hope that watever lofe throws at you youll still learn how to be kind. I hope you will find the wisdom and truth that God shows within our lives. I pray that whatever that is bearing upon your shoulders would soon be lifted up by the Lord. I hope you would allow yourself to forgive those who have done you wrong, and not hold on to the past and let it define you. I wish God would enlighten you with the wisdom of forgiveness and peace as He had forgiven us for our sins. Your identity is in him.

Ephesians 4:31-32; "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Amen. Thank you for your time. Have a good day.

[forethan21]

I felt the need to do this so I can finally get the closure I wanted. I left unexpectedly bc I avoided confrontation about the problems in our relationship internally. I left because i knew if we stayed friends, we wouldnt have the same mutual feelings for each other anymore. I felt the more i stayed the more you were hoping i would still feel the same. But i didnt. The harshest reality is that our breakup was a slow burn. Overtime my feelings slowly disappeared and never came back. I dont know when it started but one day i woke up saying i dont wanna feel this way anymore and i started living by my word. There was a line where my heart had to stop loving and breaking bc i don’t know how many times i can put it back together again. Sorry if naconfused kta when i went back and forth on you. That pinaasa kta back then. Idk if i ever promised you anything but if i did im sorry i cant follow through with it. I realised maybe its time for me to believe and accept who you are and what your decided to do. Even though i didnt like it at least you were honest about it. Youre honest that youre unable to love me the way i needed to. You see I had an idealisation of you. I romanticised the love that i hoped for and your unwillingness to work for that was my perfect answer. So im sorry i can not reciprocate your feelings anymore. I had reasons to let go of you. I hope you understand my boundaries now and that what i had to offer doesnt come easy. Ethan, not every woman will correspond to your own time and healing. Not every woman will love you on your terms. Not every woman will wait and give you another chance pow. Thats on you and how youll take that responsibility. I have outgrown u in that and thats enough for me to let go. Im not gonna spend days waiting for you to recognise my worth and value.. that got me tired the first time round.

I reread your letters one day and i felt like you described how much i meant to u based on how i loved you unconditionally. But you still were holding back from change bc you thought i was never going to forgive you. Ethan im not gonna keep telling and emphasising how much i appreciated you. Ive reminded you that countless times in every letter and if it still left you wondering if i ever loved you back then you need a reality check. You cant love someone when you cant even love yourself first. You sought after my validation and love. You were never whole in the beginning. Maybe the next time you get into a relationship youll learn how to establish your boundaries and know your value and worth more. Bc recognising that will let you see the treatment people give you.

I went to church for nine days for Sto Nino. And recently on the eight day novena the priest talked about forgiveness. It made me remember during the time that we tried being friends and i remember still feeling deeply hurt by what you did to me and my friends. I never seemed to think about it until i heard his message. He said, “As humans we tend to be driven by our emotions. Only when we forgive can we receive God’s grace and peace. We run by this whenever others try to attack us by vile words and offence.” And i suddenly remembered crying as my hatred grew for you and i pushed the blame on you. Sa totoo lng i also have a fault in it. But instead i didnt want to hold accountable for it. I realised that i was not truthful to myself. I ignored and let my feelings got the best of me. And for that i do sincerely apologise. Sometimes we think people are undeserving to be forgiven due to the consequences they burdened you. (Come to think of it ayoko maging accountable for my own fault bc i didnt know how to fix the problem. And the problem made me very vulnerable. But i had to accept my wrong. I had to face them whether i liked it or not and own up my mistakes.) Though it's difficult it's not the matter of how much forgiveness they deserve but more of how much joy, happiness, and peace you really want in your life. And it's up to you if you're willing to let that go or hold on to it. So i forgive you ethan. It was hard to understand you at first but i realised that overtime the weight of pain does subsequently lighten up. And i dont hold anything against you at all. I dont hate you. Bc first, i got my answer and second its not your fault you didnt do what i needed you to do.

Not all the time everyone will love you for what you give. Your 100% in the relationship may differ from others but that doesnt mean you cant work on areas where you need to. Love is not linear. It is uncomfortable, unbalanced and everyday is a commitment. But if it doesnt benefit you anymore you have every right to leave. Im sorry for leaving you hanging like that but you knew what had to be done to let both of us heal. This was not my battle to fight. When i endured the pain, I thought i couldve done that alone. But i was forcing myself into something that wasnt for me. It takes two people for a relationship to work and sadly i felt like i was the only one trying. I learned that the hard way and with that there were shitty consequences. I failed to take accountability and blamed it on you and for that again i sincerely apologise. I may have worsen your trauma but you should know yourself and not let it define you. Oo makapal tlaga yung mukha ko. But where would i be if i let others opinion get the best of me. After what i did to my friends i still have more lessons to learn. One is that im not perfect. Ive committed many sins and mistakes that ive regretted since idk birth which left a hole inside of me. And God sees that im not perfect. It does not excuse me from being accountable for my actions but whats enlightening is that God has never judged me for my decisions in life. He has never abandoned me through every step of my journey regardless if ako yung kusang lumalayo. He sees through my flaws and impurity. And he healed me. The parable of the leper. Just watch this when you have time.. in day 3 it spoke a lot about Gods love for us. https://youtu.be/8KDz2VG8tUQ ...when i dont let myself be defined by my own problems and issues, it made me a stronger person.

But for now im gonna prioritise myself. And slowly gain back what i lost in the process of losing myself. As selfish as it may sound i dont feel the need of anyone to complete me. I am complete by myself and im happy. I could care less what you think what others will think as long as i know myself and i know what im capable of. For now i will keep my head up and heart open to those that deserve it. I wish you the best in life, ethan. I hope you still know that i care for you. I still have the same respect for you as a person.

You can reach out to us for anything. Well be here to support you if youre willing. Im okay, ive gotten over it and ive grown from this experience. I have so much to learn from myself and for now i need to focus and grow by myself. I pray everyday that you will heal and continue to seek for growth. I hope you dont condemn to what others made you believe. I hope that watever lofe throws at you youll still learn how to be kind. I hope you will find the wisdom and truth that God shows within our lives. I pray that whatever that is bearing upon your shoulders would soon be lifted up by the Lord. I hope you would allow yourself to forgive those who have done you wrong, and not hold on to the past and let it define you. I wish God would enlighten you with the wisdom of forgiveness and peace as He had forgiven us for our sins. Your identity is in him.

Ephesians 4:31-32; "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Amen. Thank you for your time. Have a good day.

[cheesyramynry]

tag time

mel tagged me in a lot thanks bro

aye aye aye thanks to he homegirl @starlightjeongin ily so much melly and you’re an angel <333 eskgetit!!!

also,,, there are like,,,, 4 tags in this so uhhhhh have fun

Σ੧(❛□❛✿)Σ੧(❛□❛✿)Σ੧(❛□❛✿)Σ੧(❛□❛✿)

i dont have a name for this tag

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

> so um if you read this you are tagged now congrats <

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo - I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages - I have made a new friend in the past year

alphabet tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

> i dont know/remember enough blogs to tag im sorry <

A: age? > 15!!! <

B: birthplace? > californiaaaa <

C: current time? > 4:43 pm <

D: drink you had last? > water bc its good for you <

E: easiest person to talk to? > my irl homie @realmzenith , the most fantastic perosn i have ever met on this site and of whom my soul burns with affection for @starlightjeongin , and my rad friends in my got7 amino groupchat - selena, haru, apple, and emi :) <

F: favorite song? > oh boy i dont have a favorite favorite song bro i guess the first things i can think of is either danzon no. 2 by arturo marquez, martini blue by dpr live, and home run by got7 <

G: grossest memory? > asdf uhh when i went hiking with my pathfinder club and we went through a “long-cut” and went off the trail and we had to walk up this super long river, and then to get out of the river to land we had to walk through these riverbed plants and this gray mud stuff and i had to put on my socks and sneakers and it was disgusting <

H: hogwarts house? > i say that im a hufflepuff, lately i got placed in ravenclaw but i dont agree <

I: in love? > in love with the fact that im old enough to be a little free, in love with my kpop faves, in love with all of my friends who tell me they appreciate me, in love with the idea of being productive, in love with music and daydreaming <

J: jealous of people? > tbh i catch myself being jealous of other people’s artistic abilities, but i turn that into a need to become better/daydream about myself being that good so uhh???? yeah <

K: killed someone? > i was playing overwatch with a friend late last night and one of our comp matches there were these two dudes who played tank, one in particular imma call CTL who was rude to me and the whole team (my mic doesnt work so i couldn’t talk back but he was still a bing bond :( ), a few rounds after we left that one we got placed against the two mean tanks, and me, a mercy main with crappy aim, 1v1ed CTL who was playing mccree and i was HAPPY. we lost but binch i teabagged the heck out of his douchy body <

L: love at first sight or should i walk by again? > walk by again im staring at you either way <

M: middle name? > danielle!! <

N: number of siblings? > i have a younger sister!! <

O: one wish? > tbh to be better at what i want to be better at, like someone please give me like a stat 100 potion or something <

P: person you called last? > last person i called was my friend mikey of whom i was playing overwatch with lmao <

R: reasons to smile? > music!!! art!!! alan menken said that there will be a musical production of hercules in the future!! <

S: song you sang last? > the finale of newsies bc my sister left it playing on the tv as i ate nine (9) quesedillas

T: time you woke up? > techinally 6:30 am bc my dog was scratching my door, then 9, then 11 am <

U: underwear color? > mint blue and gray <

V: vacation destination? > i think i would love to go to the places in europe where composers lived, that or i would love to visit every place my internet friends live :D <

W: worst habit? > probably sleeping until noon, forgetting to do important responsibility things, reading a text message/email and then not responding bc i forgot about reading it

X: x-rays? > i got an x-ray on my right arm when i fractured it in kindergarten, some on my stomach when i ate like three whole mangoes with the skin on them, and some of my teeth before i got my braces <

Y: your favorite food? > thai food, stuff from panera bread, or pretty much warm foods with rice <

Z: zodiac sign? > im a virgo!!! <

✨ Fun Facts Tag ✨

Rules for this are:

Have fun with it!

Tag some of your mutuals

1) Favourite colours:

> green or purple!!! or like whatever im feeling lmao but those are my first choices <

2) Favourite song at the moment:

> asdkfjas;ldfkjsdlkfj bro i cant choose okay im going to shuffle my fav songs playlist adn put the first thing that comes up: damdadi by golden child

3) Last book you read:

> i think its my history textbook lmao finals are this week for me <

4) Last TV show you watched:

> my friend’s younger sister showed me clips from Stranger Things but i never have watch it before, i also watched a few dramas at a friend’s house but idk the names of them lmao

5) Last movie you watched:

> oh golly uhhh i think its enemies in-laws on netflix <

6) If you have a pet whats their name?:

> i have a doggo(?) named tucker <

7) If you have siblings how many?

> i have one younger sister!1! <

8) Favourite thing to do on a weekend:

> i think resting, getting up to date with my million notifications, just scrolling through the internet, or writing <

9) Best tumblr friends:

> on tumblr i have the amazing wonderful fantastic showstopping gravity-defying dabtastical @starlightjeongin aka mel aka melly aka melmel aka infant aka like the coolest and raddest person i have ever meet 

10) Favourite thing about yourself:

> idk if this is hard to explain but sometimes i do things people dont expect, like i was using my friend’s neighbor’s airsoft gun and like they were surprised that i have pretty good aim and that just makes me feel really good yknow <

11) Favourite memory:

> back in april 2017, during my band’s new york tour, in our hotel when i asked my friend what she was watching (it was got7′s m/v hard carry)

12) 3 weird habits:

> i turn on all of my nightlights in a specific order, when its dark in my room i like to dance to music and watch myself in the mirror, i tend to randomly scream i think <

13) What would you call your style?:

> i like to wear large clothes, even though im like a medium small bc ahaha i have slight body dysphoria, i also like to wear button-ups from the men’s section that have weird designs, suspenders, and i guess things that make me feel aesthetic and free < 

14) Odd talent:

> i can clap with one hand and me fingers bend weirdly <

15) Do you have a tumblr crush?:

> i have a big ol friend crush on my dear friend mel and a lot on the gr8 ppl of the aroha fandom <

the stray kids tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post, and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

I’ve decided that in celebration of Stray Kids pre-debut album I needed to create a tag. The ultimate goal for The Stray Kids Tag is to learn about your Tumblr mutuals, and have fun answering the Stray Kids related questions! Here we go:

1: When did you decide to join the Stray kids fandom?

> lmao i learned about them when it was rumored that jyp was going to have a new boy group, and i followed the updates until the announcement of the webseries/release of hellevator. i didnt want more ppl to remember on my plate until december 30ish when i finally gave in to mel so here i am <

2: What is your favorite episode of Stray Kids? 

> im actually going to watch it right after i finish this tag post lmao ive never watched it before but i think ive seen clips??? when the boys were vlogging themselves packing idk if thats part of the webseries but thats cute <

3: Who would you say is your bias in Stray kids?

> I DONT HAVE ONE OKAY I DONT WANT TO TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT YET IM SCARED i legit like,,, dont know a whole lot about each member but i know their names but,,,,,, i think,,,,, before i start truly getting into them myself,,,, is probably seungmin,,,,, i think,,,,,,,, maybe,,,, whoops i just remembered woojin existed uhhhHHHH idk <

4: Who would you say is your bias wrecker in Stray kids?

> (im listening to ailee’s i will go to you like the first snow rn and im so emo while doing this tag) i love all of them!!!! probs chan or changbin or jeongin bc they are so sweet!!! <

5: What line would you want to be apart of in Stray kids? 

> idk the team compositions of stray kids so i will get back to you on that one until i watch the series lmao <

6: What is the first song you heard of Stray kids?

> of course hellevator lmao <

7: What is the first song you heard of 3racha? 

> FRICK actually i dont know bc melly showed me vids of them performing live but i dont know what the song was :( <

8: What is your favorite song on their pre-debut album?

> legit only have listened to hellevator and grrr so um ill say grrr?? <

9: What is a concept you’d like to see Stray Kids try in the future?

> SUSPENSE!!! idk if that ‘s hard to explain but like something with a story in the background, maybe like a spy concept with a nice orchestration i think they can do it <

10: if you could meet with the members of Stray kids for one day what would you say to them?

> ahhh!!! i dont know they all too too well but i would love to tell them that i feel that they are different from any other kpop group i have ever seen, bc they all seem genuinely happy and they are like the coolest bros and their friendship with each other is something that i could only dream of!! also ive heard that their songs have rad lyrics and they work super hard so i look up to them for that!!!1!!! <

[mag200]

i was tagged by @basilstorm <33

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. LAST: Last drink: water

Last phone call: my friend maria last week

Last text message: “im mad jealous tbh” (that my cousins just saw kingsman 2 before i did)

Last song you listened to: “the fire” by ben howard

Last time I cried: yesterday when i watched It

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: no

Been cheated on: yes

Kissed someone and regretted it: yeah lmao

Lost someone special: yes unless you mean lost someone to death but if you don’t mean that i definitely have

Been depressed: yep

Been drunk and thrown up: yeah

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: yes!

Laughed until you cried: hah i do this a lot i cry easy

Met someone who changed you: not rlly i havent met as many people in 2017

Found out who your true friends were: um nah my friends that i’ve had are still good lol

Found out someone was talking about you: nah

GENERAL:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: idk maybe about 10

Do you have any pets?: yes! i have a dog named percy (short for persephone) and a cat named maya

Do you want to change your name?: lmao i already made up my own last name and legally changed it so i think im good now

What time did you wake up this morning?: 7:30

What were you doing last night?: at the movie theater watching It

Name something you cannot wait for: january so i can go back to school

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes when i was little and i went to horse camp one summer the place was owned by a man named tom and his wife alicia they were lovely people

What’s getting on your nerves right now?: i cant decide if im hot or cold

Blood type: no idea

Nickname: idk if i have any nicknames like technically Shay i guess but that is what i prefer to be called at all times bc my full first name freaks me out a little so idk

Zodiac sign: aries

Pronouns: literally any

Favorite tv show: like if ur asking me for the best tv show i’d say sense8 or american gods but if ur asking which shows i want to binge-watch over and over it’s buffy or vampire diaries

College: im not in school rn but im going back this winter! yay!!

Hair color: natural color is like a medium/dark brown but rn its red

Do you have a crush on someone: yeah the moon

What do you like about yourself: im really very gay

FIRSTS:

First surgery: never had any

First piercing: ears

First sport you joined: go-kart racing

First vacation: uhh first one i can remember is going camping for my 6th birthday

First pair of sneakers: how tf u think someone remember their first pair of sneakers i was probably like one (1) year old

Eating: what

Drinking: what

I’m about to: go to sleep i hope

Listening to: nothing rn but  i can hear the crickets outside

Want kids: yeah probably

Get married: probably yes

Career: im 20 idk

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: eyes definitely

Hugs or kisses: hmmm hugs maybe

Shorter or taller: both are good bc tall people are v nice but short people are so nice and make me feel tall! (im very little but i feel like im 6 ft)

Older or younger: doesnt matter just close to my age

Romantic or spontaneous: you can be both i’d like to think i’m both

Sensitive or loud: i can be loud sometimes but i am always sensitive

Hook up or relationship: im terrible at hook up culture im more about relationships

Troublemaker or hesitant: umm i can be both but more often i am hesitant/cautious

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: does it count if you’d been talking for hours but u met that day like when does someone stop being a stranger

Drank hard liquor: no

Lost glasses/contacts: nope

Sex on first date: nooo

Broken someone’s heart: idk possibly

Been arrested: no

Turned someone down: yep

Fallen for a friend: lmao yeah it was rough

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: ah sometimes?

Miracles: idk how to define miracles rlly but i think crazy magical shit happens a lot and sometimes its crazy magical good shit

Love at first sight: idk i think u could be drawn to someone at first sight and there could be an immediate feeling that runs deeper than general attraction but i would not call that love so probably not

Heaven: no. i dont have a really fixed opinion on what happens when we die, part of me thinks we just go into the earth and rot, part of me thinks there could be something else too. but if there is, i doubt it’s structured anything like any organized religion would tell you.

Santa Claus: no dude.

tagging @house-of-chemical-wolves @walkingcanvas13484 @edmelon @lesbiankiliel im not tryin to come up with 25 people bye

[gay-la-v]

What do you think Minako's Enneagram is? I'd definitely put her as a mixture of primarily a 1, 3, 7 and 8 with some shades of 4, 5 and 6 what do you think? For reference 1 = Reformer, 3 = Performer, 7 = Enthusiast, 8 = Challenger, 4 = Individualist, 5 = Investigator and 6 = Loyalist (lol the only ones she's not on the list is 9 and 2 which are the passive Peacemaker and the soft-hearted, Open caregiver, such is the contradictory enigma that is Aino Minako, because: MINAKO!)

I have NEVER heard of an Enneagram before, so forewarning that I could be doing all of this COMPLETELY WRONG and I'm just gonna work off of the descriptions on this site (god, there is no good way to hyperlink on mobile): https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions/ PGSM spoilers abound.1 - The ReformerThis one I think gave me the most trouble so WHAT BETTER PLACE TO START. It definitely hits some key Minako-points. Having a "sense of mission" to improve the world. Striving after "higher values" despite self-sacrifice. And hello "instinct and passion controlled by conviction and judgement" if that doesn't sound like Minako "constantly make observations so you can adequately make snap decisions" Aino idk what does. A lot of these points tie in to Minako's sense of duty and dedication to being a senshi. She's left behind her personal dreams for the sake of saving the world, and what "higher value" is there than saving the ENTIRE PLANET??? Between building utopia-esque Crystal Tokyo and just trying to make people happy with her music, Minako definitely has a drive to improve the world, but I have to point out: who DOESN'T?? There are a lot of points in being a 1 that really drive me away from it for Minako too, and I think looking at them makes Minako's similarities to a 1 seem less like "this is her personality type" and more like "these are pretty common values".First and foremost 1's are super morality-driven. They feel a need to justify their actions, are overconcious of contradicting their morals,  and are super hung up on right versus wrong. I'm not saying Minako is perfectly a-okay with all wrong-doers ever, but she herself has no issues going into morally gray areas to get what she wants. She will absolutely flirt some concert tickets out of some poor sap just so she can see her favorite idol for free. Moral superiority does not a Minako make. 1's also have this need to stay rigid and I QUOTE "keep the lid on passion" and HAHA NO. NOT MINA. Further the 1's need to "make the world a better place" can also really deal on a personal, "I'm going to teach you better level" that doesnt fit Minako. Let's look at anime Jadeite (I know Mina didn't interact with him sh). A 1 would look at his "women suck" nonesense and feel a need to educate him, improving the world by making this guy less of an asshole. Minako would crescent beam his ass and move on. So reevaluating my earlier points. Minako's self sacrifice and efforts to change the world don't seem to line up with the Morality aspect of a 1. PGSM Minako gets a great deal of joy wheb her songs make others happy, it's  GREAT and she LOVES THAT. But lbr she also gets off on the attention and the performing aspect of being an idol. CT is less a pillar of Minako's "deep need to improve the world" and more an offshoot of her dedication to duty and her own personal need to be fulfilled. So while Minako can exhibit 1-like behaviour, I don't see think she has 1-like intentions.2 - The HelperAgain we have the idea of self-sacrifice but this time for the sake of others, still in line with Minako, but the 2 takes this to the extreme of "people pleasing" and sacrificing your needs for everyone else's and that diverges from Minako. Is Minako gonna put herself behind her girls? for big things like emotional distress and physical well-being? Absolutely. For little things like who gets the best slice of cake? Hell no. And anyone BESIDES said girls can kiss Minako's ass. So is Minako an empathetic people-person? Yes. Does Minako value others more than herself? Not really. Girl might make a few slight image changes to help her career, but if millions of fans love a falsley constructed Minako instead of the True Authentic Aino Minako? What's the point? Not a 2.3 - The AchieverHELLO YES THIS IS VERY MUCH TRUE TO THE MINAKO WAY. Almost everything I read about this got a check mark on the Minako list. Adaptable, charming, energetic, "the 'stars' of human nature" if that doesn't make you think "Minako" then Minako thinks you're living your life wrong. 3's have "problems with workaholism and competition" *POINTS ADAMANTLY AT PGSM* REMEMBER WHEN MINAKO WAS STUCK IN A HOSPITAL BED AND STILL WORKING? REMEMBER WHEN MINAKO TRIED TO GIVE UP BEING AN IDOL TO FOCUS EXCLUSOVELY ON SENSHI DUTIES? WORKAHOLIC. REMEMBER WHEN THE ONLY WAY TO GET MINAKO TO /NOT/ QUIT IDOL WORK WAS FOR REI TO GOAD HER INTO COMPETITION. THIS IS MINAKO'S LIFE. Further, 3's desperatly seek to succeed in order to get positive attention to the point that they will abandon their own desires to reach whatever is defined as "success" Gosh, if that doesn't sound exactly like Minako giving up volleyball, giving up her dream of being an idol, and giving up her normal life, for the sake of living as Venus. For a 3 this goes to the point that they will put all of their feelings in a box labeled "deal with never" for the sake of success. And I again want to point out dying PGSM Minako, who decided it was okay if she died early so long as the past mission was completed. AT THE AGE OF 14. DEFINITELY NOT AFRAID OF SURGERY, NOT AFRAID OF HELPLESSLY DYING, NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING. WHO HAS FEELINGS??? NOT MINAKO, SHE HAS A MISSION. At the end of the day a 3 wants to be distinguished and wants to be praised, and when you break it down, what more does Minako really want than that? She is absolutly a 3 in my book.4 - The IndividualistReading through this, I'm getting that a 4 is very socially withdrawn, struggles to relate to others and always puts themself first, and it's just really NOT Minako to me. Minako is CAPABLE of being by herself (see Sailor V) but the only instances I can think of where Minako would PREFER to be by herself is when her being with a team is going to cause pain to said team (ie PGSM Minako staying away from the senshi so they won't be sad about her inevitable death). 4 is not a team player and Minako is a team LEADER. Minako has a few qualities here, but overall this just isn't her.5 - The Investigator This one is all about gaining information: observing things, learning things, and all with the intent of using said knowledge to protect yourself. Now Minako is all about getting info to fight against the enemy, but this still really isn't feeling very Minako to me. A 5 needs information and they need it on their terms, if you tell a 5 how something is, they aren't liable to believe you until they can discover it to be true on their own. Further, a 5 tends to self-isolate rather than engage in things actively. Minako first and foremost uses her knowledge SPECIFICALLY to actively use it in conflict with others. A 5 wants to learn how to order a coffee so that when they actually go order a coffee they don't make a mistake and look stupid. Minako doesn't give a shit, she'll talk at the barista for 30 minutes about why they have to say "tall" instead of small. Minako will feed you salty porridge and blow up your radio because she didn't take the time to actually LEARN how to take care of a sick person. A 5 needs knowledge to feel useful, Minako wants knowledge to destroy her enemies and get ahead of others. Reading all of this, 5 jumps out to me as an Ami. Ami is the one who is going to self-isolate and spend 30 days studying moon technology so the senshi can utilize. Minako doesn't actually care HOW said moon tech works, she just cares how she can use it to protect the kingdom. Ami's job is to get knowledge, Minako's job is to trust Ami's knowledge and translate it into immediate action. 6 - The Loyalistthis one was quick n easy. Yes Minako is loyal to her god damn duty. But a 6 is a follower, not a leader, someone who depends to much on what others are doing. A 6 has no confidence in their judgement and avoids making important decisions. Minako is nothing if not decisive and girl COMMITS to her decision. If she starts out the night thinking karaoke is the best way to spend the evening, and ends the night in a jail cell? Worth it. She stands by her choice all the fuckin way. Not a 6 for me.7 - The Enthusiast this is another one that clicked a lot of good points for me. Extroverted, playful, versatile. A 7 has an incredibly quick mind and tries to cram as much life as they can into every minute. Sound familiar? Minako is all about stuffing as much as she can into a day, and on a fun, flighty level Minako is very much a 7. Because of their quick mind, a 7 can be so great at so many things, but very removed from what they actually want out of life. Their response to not knowing what they want is to just try more of everything, and this is exactly how I see Minako's life playing out IF SHE WASN'T A SENSHI. Senshihood is the one place that truly challenges Minako, and relys on absolutely all of her talents. I see Minako as getting a great deal of fulfillment out of being a senshi, even if it comes at personal costs, and I see non-senshi Minako running herself in the ground trying find that sort of fulfillment elsewhere in the world. She's going to have goals. She's going to achieve them. She's going to get bored. She's going to move on. Our Minako certainly has a lot of 7 in her, but she wouldn't be our Minako without also being Sailor Venus.8 - The ChallengerThis one was also quick for me. Minako loves a challenege, and she sure as hell loves to challenege others, but beyond that, an 8 has an overwhelming need to control everything. And while Minako certainly likes to have control, she can recognize when it might be better to let it go (see: letting Ami take charge of gathering information). Minako has a defined role as a leader, but a good leader isn't controlling, a good leader is decisive and delegates control and that's the kind of leader I see Minako as.9 - The PeacemakerThis whole thing talks a bunch about spirituality and cosmicness and blah blah not Minako. From what I gather, a 9 would rather focus on the qualities of other than the qualities of themself, and Minako has too much fuckin ego for that.So I put our girl as a solid 3, with a lot of leaning towards 7. She has lot's of qualities that fall in line with the other categories too (because OF COURSE SHE HAS TO MAKE THIS DIFFICULT) but I think at the end of the day she's using those qualities the way a 3 would.

[thefemaleexperience]

answering one of those lists of questions we use to do back in 2010

if you could pierce somewhere other than your ears, where would it be? - I would like to have my nose pierced again

what are your feelings on bangs? - i love bangs and thye really suit me, though they do make me look about 8 years younger and i hate growing them out

what is your favorite blanket material? - cashmere

if you had to be sent up into space or into the depths of the ocean, where would you choose? - hm deep ocean because it really terrifies me are you afraid of death? why or why not? - no. I’m afraid of pain and terrible accidents, but the idea of actually being dead doesnt bother me what astrological sign do you think you should be? - taurus or gemini who is the worst person you have ever dated? - every one is a complex set of flaws and traits and their personality is built upon their experiences and everything that has ever happened to them, and remembering that reminds you that the way people act isnt about you personally and no-one is “bad” if you could remake one movie the way you think it should’ve been made, which movie would you choose? - The Hobbit what is a custom/activity/experience/etc from another culture that you wish would be in your culture? - last year I attended the final 2 weeks of a Yolngu (Aboriginal group from far north Australia) funeral, and the openness of grieving was really full on. it has really changed my relationship with grieving if you could choose where you were born, where would you want it to be? hm it wouldnt matter to me *where* i was born, but i wish i’d grown up somewhere where being bi.multi-lingual is the norm if someone told you they could tell you the truth about god/religion/higher powers/the universe/the meaning of life/what happens after death, would you want to know? I dont think there is a meaning to life, i dont think anything happens after death, I dont know if these are questions I have? but i guess yeah im too nosy to ever turn down the hot goss what is your favorite part of your nighttime routine? sleep doesn’t count. I use to drink this lovely lavender herbal tea every night and im just starting to drink it again what is your favorite form of exercise? I use to love running. i would run 10+ Kms on the treadmill every evening, but both my knees are fucked and i can barely jog anymore. so i guess just hiking / walking in nature

what is one current trend that you hate? cancel culture? idk. so many things annoy me...so i just dont surround myself with them. if theyre bringing other people joy who cares.  what is a trend that died that you would bring back? perms what era of fashion do you wish to bring back? 90s “tomboy” style for young girls! i love flares and 70s flowy fashion too im big on period-drama costumes  what is one movie or tv show that everyone loves that you hate? i dont like “gross” animation did you have a teacher growing up that helped you through a difficult time? who were they? A handful. My literature teacher Mrs. Campbell stand out think of a paper you have written sometime in your education. what was the topic? It’s all i do haha mostly about rethinking Aboriginal Studies and approaches to Indigenous education do you believe in universal healthcare? discuss. is that liek australia’s health care? like yes? when americans talk about how much a trip to the drs or a medical procedure cost that you would just die without????? what is one song that makes you feel like love is real? landslide - fleetwood mac what is one song that makes you feel like you’re dancing in a meadow with the sun shining on your skin? california - joni mitchell what is one song that makes you believe that things will get better? california - joni mitchell haha have you met any celebrities? if so, who? lots but whatever you’re being forced to move out of your country. you must choose another one to move to, and you may never leave it, even for vacation. what country do you choose? bonus points if you answer the city. most of my overseas trips have been fairly short holidays so i have no idea about the practicalities of lving in them / cost of living / laws etc. so this is hard but probably America, in either oregon or montana do you believe in the death penalty? discuss. no. what do you think happens after you die? your body returns to the worms. name someone you love. Geordie. name someone you like, but don’t necessarily love. Oliver. how many soulmates do you think a person has? more than 1 is love always worth it? discuss. love is good but we dont need romantic relationships to be fullfilled. love is everywhere pick up your phone. look at the text you sent closest to an hour ago. what was it? ”seems like a scam” do you believe in magical beings? discuss. no what time of the day do you feel most at peace with yourself? outdoors at 2pm what is an impulsive decision you have made that you don’t regret? to drive to Alice Springs when i was inbetween houses in 2018 if you were given the opportunity to completely start your life over from the beginning with everything prior and up until your birth remaining the same, would you? yeah. not because i regret things, it would jsut be fascinating to see the tiny miniscule things that would change things. i think about the tiny spur of the moment thigns i did when i was 12 that impacted friendships i would make and schools i would go to and how my life is still interconnected with people i met one time 15 years ago how do you feel about greek life in colleges? seems weird, culty and toxic. people say there are positives, but they dont seem to outweigh the bad in my eyes. but i dont think we really have that her in australia what is an aspect or event in history that you were obsessed with as a child? ancient egypt lol describe your ideal town to live in. I would love to move to Alice Springs. A commune is the dream what age are you scared to be? alternatively, what age were you most scared to be in the past? im truely so psyched to turn 30. do you have a secret you want to share? be as vague or specific as you want. get it out. if you want. I only have one big secret that no-body knows. do billionaires work harder than other people? discuss. fetch the guillitine  what is your favorite hairstyle for yourself? i think my mid length hairstyle of 2017 was v nice. thats when my hair naturally curls the most what is your favorite memory from being 13 years old? dear god what is a movie that shaped who you were as a person at a young age? Into the wild lol which us state would you erase if you could? not from the US so this doesnt mean anthing to me lol what is a skill you theoretically want to learn but probably never will? to be a mechanic what is an obscure language you want to speak? it’s not “obscure” but i guess only a relative small number of people speak Yolngu Matha and i would like to be fluent what is a place you choose not to go to anymore? why? lmao i avoid the northland coles (supermarket) because a dude i dated shops there and i ran into him once after id decided i didnt want to see him anymore and it was cooked do you think you’re living a fake life/putting on a facade/lying to people about who you really are? why or why not? i perpetually feel like im waiting to live the lfie i want to what is the color that defines your life?  burnt orange you have the opportunity to go to an exclusive celebrity event. which one is it? (award shows, premieres, parties, etc) i cant think of one? you can bring back one person from the dead, but you must choose someone to die in their place. who are the two people you are choosing? I would bring back Andrea Dworkin i dont know who i would kill off instead. what is your favorite fun fact that people don’t really know? idk if people dont know this but i guess it might be australia specifc But dingoes have special jointed wrists that are way different to dogs, and they can hold things, climb and open doors. pick up the nearest reading material to you (book/magazine/paper/etc). what is the first line of that reading material? lmao HOMER / The Odyssey is on my bedside table but im nto moving   if you had to choose a sport to play professionally, which one would you choose? soccer? what do you do to unwind/cool down when you’re upset? a hot hot hot bath by candle light listening to neil young what is the color scheme of your favorite sunrise or sunset? pink purple what is a beauty product you swear by? i dont wear make up but i guess eyebrow gel is cool how do you feel about plastic surgery? discuss. i hate our culture of uncritical support for it. i think the prominence of it is relly cooked. i hate that people treat it like minor / low risk when its very serious.  if you could get plastic surgery, would you? what would you change? a breast reduction cotton balls or cotton rounds? ??? what is your favorite animal product? i dont know what this means lol if you had to attend school in another country, which country would you choose? France? what will be/was the color scheme of your wedding? marriage is bad but i guess native australian flora is there something you have a really strong opinion about for basically no reason? what is it? i have basically no opinion on everything who is a person you would fight to the death for under any circumstances? no-one what would you do if you were in the hunger games? be honest. terrible? what time do you think everyone should wake up? getting into your circadian rhythm is so goooooood what is your favorite type of nut? if you’re allergic to nuts, sorry. hmm im obsessed with peanut butter but i dont really care for peanuts. i love brazel nuts what is your favorite part of your hometown? . . . uh the meth or the class gap or the conservative rural values / politics or ??? you must get rid of one of your electronic items. you have no choice. which one do you sacrifice? phone what is the first memory you have of oppression/discrimination? it doesn’t have to be about yourself. being like pre-school aged and being aware of my black cousins being spereated from their parents name 3 books you were forced to read in school. DH Lawrence novellas, which i loved No Sugar, everyone should read this The crucible, urhg so good how do you keep track of events/deadlines? calendar? agenda? your brain? having like 20 planners what is the first book that made you cry that comes to mind? i dont remember crying in a book if you had to give a seminar about something, what would it be about? abortion laws and access in rural australia how do you feel about your mother? she is good and complicated and intelligent and funny is makeup an art form? discuss. no what kind of videos do you primarily watch on youtube? ill just list my most viewed channels Daisy Lola Sarah Therese Unnatural Vegan what is the scent of your deodorant? i dont wear deoderant at what age do you hope you die? whenever

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #12: "FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooouuoock me." - Maynor

Well. Looks like Bryce wasnt trust worthy at all. I can only have annabelle but we dont talk too much. I need to win immunity or my ass is gone next.

I definately need to win this immunity if I want to regroup. A even bigger fire in me wanting to play even more aggressive. Ive been passive. Now I dont really care who goes. Except for Annabelle ❤️. Im going to try and throw wrenches in their plans and try to get someone from their side out.

I’m on 230. Idk what my goal is going to be but i think im going to stop around 2pm so i can go back to 1 before 5pm deadline comes. I really need to win this immunity. 😰

Update. I am now at 500 for the number. Its barely noon. Idk if i should keep going or start to go back down to one. I just hope im the furtherest from everyone else. I would die if i dont win.

I feel so terrible. like that Nathan vote was the hardest thing I have had to do in this game so far. He betrayed my trust a lot. But I really got along so well with him. And Nathan deserves better. Ugh. Like Brian and I literally feel gross. And now I have to do damage control with Anna and make it seem like a last minute switch when actually it was me being a terrible person and plotting all round against one of the nicest players ever. I'm feeling rough and this season is getting really tough.

Well I am still here! I am honestly shocked that I am, but I will TAKE it gladly! Maybe I will stop being the target now cause nathan is gone (we shall see though, I feel like Bryce and brian are now HATED by Maynor and Anna) which will be nice. I now have the lovely (....) distinction of having the most votes cast against me in celestial history. and ALL Since the merge started lmao! I really am a magnet for votes huh. I feel good, might have to be rude to someone to get a target off my back though so uh maybe bitch boi matt will make a return at some point? We shall see

its so awk trying to talk to annabelle bc 1 she doesnt talk to me but more importantly idk what to say like. she feels betrayed but sharkys the one who threw nathans name out NNN she should be glad if it were up to me shed be in ponderosa right now ASFKJADSHFKJS. idk like i literally just forced a convo with her so i could confront her about leaking to sharky and she just ghosts. i want DRAMA. i want TEA. and yet nothing. maybe instead of doing the most i should be doing immunity but counting is literally so anxiety inducing and daunting JKHDAFSDKJFHKJ. anyways 6th is cute too

FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooouuoock me. I got to 626 to pay my respect to Stitch and i mess up gojng down from 323 and put 321. I never wanted to cry so bad. I wanted to scream into the void. I cant even with this challenge. I restarted and back at 404. Its 1:25 and deadline 5. Hopefully itll be enough time.

OK, so I definitely won't win immunity, but I tried to do well!  I don't think my submission will be good enough, but I can hope and pray it is!!  I don't even know if I fucked up, but I don't think I did... so hopefully 317 is the number for me!!

In other tea time news, Nathan... ya... um... when you see this I want you to truly understand how heartbroken I am at what happened.  I knew with all the strong-minded gameplay and trust you had in me that we would've been final 2 given the chance, but I also think that what threw me off was Annabelle's constant tea spilling at Sharky and the fact that your closest allies (aside from myself) were her and Maynor, who I like but have little to no actual game relationship with.  In addition, your desire to take out Matt every single round of the merge?  Wig.

I also found out Bryce was the other Matt vote during the merge vote... so... wow I'm powerful....

According to me and Bryce's plans in this game, ideally, Sharky will go this round... but after sending home Nathan last round, my whole ass heart is on some different shit.  I just feel like me doing that would be another rough ass round, and I don't think I could handle it.  It was easier when people like Nick, who annoyed me on a game level, were the names being thrown out, especially with how cocky he was... but now I'm like... wow, these people?  Amazing.

I think Sharky winning immunity wouldn't be too bad because then I can finally push Annabelle out and won't have to worry about her, so I'm banking on that!  I don't wanna ruin Bryce and I's plans in this game, I just feel more confident sitting with Sharky than like anyone else.

I also think my relationship with Maynor is so much better, and I can actually work with him further down the road.  He sketched me out a lot in the past, but I really think it's a solid ally for me if I can get him passed this round.  Annabelle or Sharky are the ideal targets, but I'm really feeling an Annabelle vote this round.  I may not be in the best spot for immunity this round, but I know I'll have my A-game on and ready next round, so I'm READY.

I was doing so well in this challenge. I had like 900 and I screwed up. Now I'm feeling the pressure. And I keep messing up. Now I've got less than 3 hours to make it up and hopefully finally win something. Brian told me he did not do well. And I don't want anyone else to win because it will limit our options going forward.

I'm over it. I screwed up HARD. And now I have like no time to recover. I'm over it.

I decided to go back to 626. And at 2:41pm i was able to get back down to 1. Im happy but i really hope that was enough because if it wasnt then im going to cry. I really want to win this. Stitch my favorite please give me luck. 🦑

last round was so risky i hope it doesnt just get me 6th. i tried to get together with anna again and i think we are but maynor not so much which sucks but as long as brian is real with wanting to keep me i should be good imagine if it was fake and he wasnt really taking me to the end NNN adsjkfhadskj the gag of the season? but ugh sharky really wants me out again like maybe get a clue and stop.

That was upsetting. But Bryce did really well so I applaud him. Its most likely going to be me tomorrow night. It sucks but i can at least try and see if i can find a way to stay.

There is some hope. Annabelle and I want to make it a tie with Matt. And when its rock time, Brian or Sharky hopefully get the odd color and they are sent home. Thats the only play right now that I think can save me. I have to rely on Bryce who i dont trust at all anymore. But kind of have to if i want to survive tomorrow.

i'm down for some mutual destruction this vote. I hope that this pays off or it could totally fuck me over but it is what it is if this works out i'll take this as like a win for nathan and i'll  be in a much better spot i think. wish me luck <3

I WON IMMUNITY PPL CAN TRY TO COME FOR ME BUT THEY CANT SURE MAYBE I PLAYED BAD IDK I HAVE BAD SENSE OF SELF WORTH BUT MAYBE I DID PLAY WELL BUT MAYBE I DIDNT BUT U KNOW WHAT IS TRUE AND FACTS!!! ME WINNING THIS IMMUNITY. BRIAN DOESNT WANT TO VOTE SHARKY ALL OF A SUDDEN WHICH IS SKETCH BUT NOW THAT I HAVE IMMUNITY IM NOT AFRAID OF VOTING SHARKY AND HOPING ANNABELLE AND MAYNOR VOTE WITH ME IM TALKING IN CAPS BC IM SO EXCITED MY STOMACH WAS LITERALLY A MESS ALL DAY BC OF HOW NERVOUS I WAS COUNTING UP AND DOWN AND SEVERAL BREAKDOWNS LATER I WON WOOOOOOOHHOOO IT REALLY IS BRYCE HISTORY MONTH!!!! anyways yaa i hope f5 is me brian matt maynor anna and that brian is real one and uses vote steal there so we auto have immunity but maybe i try to win immunity again anyway to make sure im safe.... but then at f5 i think anna has to go but she'll be so mad idk maybe maynor.. or  maybe matt whomst knows KJASDHFKJS but wooh in this moment... i am at peace

Im convinced annabelle is like a marine biologist or something with how much she loves sharky! i just want him out KFJASDHFKJ i love being pushy jk i literally hate it but i just want him out its not a lot to ask and i feel like im getting played idk but at this point my loyalty is to brian so if he betrays me its like w/e NNN just hoping itll work out maybe i comp my way into a losing finalist spot... anyways i just got into dear evan hansen again so love that renewed obsession

The Fajita Fellas are actually a solid alliance. I know I've been skeptical of Bryce in the past but I'm actually starting to trust him which is cool. HOWEVER it's also an issue because if I'm going to keep trying to save Anna it's only going to get harder. I'm hoping this vote will be easy squeezy. I told the FF that Maynor is easy and least likely to have an idol. They seem good with that. So...we'll see.

I am very nervous for tonight. I am 2 of the options for Sharky, Brian, and Matt to do. Annabell and I are throwing each other under the bus to them. But our plan is to vote Sharky and hoping have Bryce with us and cause a tie. And on the revote hope one flips on Sharky or we go to rocks. And hopefully Matt or Brian get the rocks.

The vote is me tonight. If plan goes according to it should be 3 vote sharky and 3 vote me. Im really hoping they flip on sharky or that Matt or Brian get rocked out. 🤞🤞🤞

So this vote seems so simple, its like kinda amazing for once. Last tribal had so much deceit and lying to get Nathan out and this tribal is like. so. quiet? you could literally hear a pin drop. Maynor and Anna seem like they have legit given up trying to get further, with both apparently voting for the other. How quiet it is is making me slightly nervous, but I do know that if i do somehow leave i am very proud of my game I have played. and I will have the same placement as Standrea so like nothing could be wrong with that huh?

The vote ties, 3 votes Maynor and 3 votes Sharky.

Im died. It worked but now here is hoping for matt or brian to flip. Im scared n excited.

bro... wtf. Can I say I am mad at Bryce? no not really I saw this coming from a mile off, hell even from the other side as the Atlantic. so like mad? nah? Its just... making me so sad. Like I REALLY DO NOT want to go home, i've been through too much to get to this point. But like,... I REALLY love sharky as a person. Like, I love him loads so this is a REALLY hard decision. Fuck my life I don't know what to do

I HATE REVOTES. SO. MUCH. i AM REFUSING TO TELL ANNA ANYTHING cause i like know she will immediately run to sharky and if I am to flip I am gonna tell him first not let him hear via Anna cause that is fucking SHADY. she's just pissing me off tbqh and its just like??? at least be cordial and get off invisible for fucking once

i think the plan worked? it was so awk trying to talk to matt i felt bad but i hope he understands he said he did so! and like... idk its just so hm idk idk. hm. like brian and matt both prob gonna flip wooh. matt said i played well so maybe i did like i tend to never think i played well but maybe i did but maybe hes just lying so KJFSDHJFA wooh

BRIAN IS THE SKETCHIEST PERSON IVE EVER PLAYED WITH I JUST WANNA GO TO THE END WITH HIM BUT HES LITERALLY BACKSTABBING ME I WANTED HIM TO JUST 4-2 SHARKY BUT NO HE WANTED TO MAKE IT GO TO ROCKS TO FEEL BETTER OR WELL GO TO TIE NOT ROCKS AND NOW HES LIKE SORRY SHARKY HAS TO STAY LIKE NO HE ACTUALLY DOESNT HAVE TO STAY IF U VOTE HIM AND ANNA STOPS BEING FAKE AND TRYING TO KEEP HIM WHEN HES DONE NOTHING BUT LIE TO HER AHHHH THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING SJDKFHADSKJFHSDKJF DSHFKJADSHFKJADSHFKASJFHKADSJFHADSKJSKFHASDKJFHASKJFAHKJFS ps: i love everyone in this game... but in this moment? i was ATTACKED

It’s almost about that time. 20 more minutes. I am very nervous. I hope that Bryce and Annabelle stick with me and hope Matt or Brian flipped if not then at least go to rocks. Im really hoping that this move works. But this final 6. I ❤️ Annabelle. ❤️ Sharky. ❤️ Brian. ❤️ Bryce. ❤️ Matt. They are all awesome.

Brian is rocked out.

[forethan21]

18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way. 

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this? 

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.