#just need something to encourage me to keep working on my second draft

[yallwildinrn]

Think I’m gonna do NaNoWriMo this year. I do NOT expect to hit 50k words, that’s insane, esp for me as a college student, but I’m hoping it can help keep me accountable and force me to make some progress on Snake in the Grass bc I’m hitting some snags and haven’t touched it in a minute. Gonna see what’s out there in terms of accountability and buddy systems!

…once I finish this textbook chapter

[hiraya-rawr]

— to pass the kamisato standards .

synopsis !! kamisato reader introduces their lover to their siblings, ayato and ayaka! just hcs and brainrotting

characters !! thoma, diluc, childe, al haitham, gorou, kazuha

contains !! gn reader, written while sleep deprived please don't judge if it doesn't make sense huhuh, a bit of a character study on how the kamisatos perceive other characters!

note !! been posting more lately! im in a good mood and would like to share more content ☺️ i also have drafts saved up. also, have you checked out the @/yaepublishinghouse ? i've joined the writing team!

T H O M A

Ah, Thoma? You don't even need to ask. he's already part of the family!

the safest option, really. they already considered him family long before your heart started fluttering around the househelper.

"well, it's honestly about time. ayaka and i have long noticed your affections for thoma," ayato smirks as you two turn red, "don't think i don't know what's going on in my own household, do you?"

not much would change after having your relationship official; thoma might be the only one to experience the change in people's treatment of him as the three kamisatos encourage him to be more proud in his status!

"we're going to get married, don't let people trample over you like that!" you pout. surprisingly enough, thoma is quick to adjust to a "noble behavior" while still keeping his friendly boyish charms.

D I L U C

foreign nobility? for real? your siblings would worry, do you want to live away from them?

thoma might be the only one a little more open to the idea. sure, he's sad but he respects your choice and who you love.

"Mondstadt is a great place. I'm sure it'll be a home for you, just like how Inazuma became a home for me."

ayato is more or less suspicious. "I've heard... rumors," he says carefully, "That man is suspicious to say the least. I'm not sure I trust him."

all in all, with how closed off inazuma seems to be, the kamisatos would be most reluctant to send you off to another nation for some solitary man with a questionable schedule.

C H I L D E

A fatui harbinger? Are you out of your mind!

no. no no no. you are not going all the way to snezhnaya for a fatui harbinger. love is fleeting, your affections will pass.

you really don't need him -your siblings would try to convince you- he has money? the kamisatos have money too. he's someone of rank? so does your siblings. what do you mean you love him so much?

"He's a family kind of guy! He's really sweet!" you'll plead and they'll still shake their heads no.

In fact, Ayato would go on a thorough investigation about exactly what the harbinger has been up to. From the incident in liyue to the homicidal tendencies.

unless you decide to elope, there's no way your siblings would give their blessing.

A L H A I T H A M

the scribe of the academia is a fine man, but some call him a... lunatic.

this one is a 50/50.

admittedly, your siblings are content with his status and background. he works under sumeru's government, just like the kamisatos, and was nominated for the highest ranking position only second to an archon.

he works rationally too! smart and efficient. that's great— but why is he such a blunt smartass?

Throughout the meeting with him, Ayato has a plastered smile on his face. Each conversation seems like a landmine, waiting to explode, trying to best the other with words.

Ayaka is more or less nervously sweating beside them, but you suppose you're glad that they're getting along!

G O R O U

oh? the general of watatsumi? an interesting choice!

ayato considers it a political win. with the kamisato name tied together with the general of watatsumi island, this could lead to better peace relations! and the kamisatos would be the head of it all.

being a general is no easy task, thats something ayato could greatly respect. meanwhile, ayaka and gorou are already familiar friends!

it's a little sad that watatsumi is on another island, but at least you get to stay in inazuma! you're also happy that you get to contribute to inazumas progressive politics as part of the kamisato household, living up to your duty.

K A Z U H A

the wandering samurai. . . ? are you sure?

while a good friend of the kamisato household, kazuha has already left the noble lifestyle of the kaedeharas.

it's not that your siblings want you to marry into nobility, it's just that they'll feel more comfortable if you were in a familiar environment.

meanwhile, kazuha is constantly on the move, never staying at one place. they trust him immensely but are you sure you're up for that change?

kazuha is a good choice, but a worrisome one nonetheless.

commissions || general m.list || ko-fi

taglist !! @absolut-wildflower @boundedbyfate @sadlonelybagel @eissaaaa @ladycoleigh @nejibot @milkypompon @bloodreaper08 @irethepotato @x-zho @mich-cola @mxsomn @ackrylik @nicebonescomrade @starforecasts @stygianoir @yuminako @eccedentesiast-sapphic @nebulaera @nuttytani @klutzkat @shizunxie @bluriie @aestellia @abyislan08

[scara-meow-che]

then they were roommates ┃ sweet deception with thoma

CW. NSFW (MDNI), afab! reader with no set of pronouns, roommate! thoma, use of sedatives, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it!), pervert! thoma, noncon, he takes pics of you, male masturbation, pervert and a bit ooc thoma ♥︎

AN. another reposted work. i promise that i'd be posting new ones soon <3 just a little more from my part on actually editing the drafts that i have here but anyway, enjoy our ooc pervert, roomie thoma!

thoma is the sweetest roommate you’d ever ask for!

besides the fact that he constantly reminds you of the tasks you have absentmindedly forgotten or prepares breakfast in the morning, he also helps you with your projects whenever he has some time to spare.

you also want to take note of the tea he always makes!

“hey thoma! you haven’t told me what brand this tea is.”

the weekend had just arrived and you were left sprawled in the comforts of your blankets while watching another rom-com with thoma. he was laid adjacent to your side, the two loveseats occupied by your tired bodies.

“silly, how many times do i need to tell you that i handmade this! you can help me pick up the ingredients tomorrow morning if you want,” thoma offers with a smile. he can see how you immediately perked up in interest, nodding your head in agreement. “well, just make sure that you sleep early now since i often leave around 5.”

and he hears you grunt afterward.

“come on now, you wouldn’t miss an opportunity like this, yeah?” he encourages you, standing up from his seat. he eyes you, taking a huge sip of your tea before dropping down the cup on the nearby table. he shudders, a satisfied sigh escaping his lips before he reaches out both his hands to help you stand up.

as you do, you can feel your body slipping into a relaxed state, almost stumbling and falling back into the seat. but thoma was fast and had an arm wrapped around your body, gently cradling you in his warmth.

“easy now,” he mumbles. it felt quite nice to be wrapped in his embrace as the nature of his being caring seeps through while he guides you to your room. “getting sleepy now, aren’t you?”

you hummed, feeling the softness of your blanket caressing your skin as thoma gently lays you down on your bed. as each second passes by, you find your eyes can barely keep themselves open. and before you were consumed by sleep, you can hear the faint whisper from your roommate, a sweet smile etched on his face.

“sweet dreams f/n.”

it was truly sweet, thoma had always been like this every day and you barely notice the patterns. he is someone so kind, dependable, selfless, and caring so you trust him. there’s never a reason to doubt him, not when he had you gullible just as he wanted to.

don’t get him wrong but thoma genuinely cares for you. he likes you, a lot. but the intensity of his emotions quickly becomes too much for him to handle. you were so pretty, so perfect in his eyes that he can’t help but give you what he thinks you’d want, what you’d like, what you’d find worthy of your affection.

but he thinks that fucking you when you’re asleep is something you wouldn’t approve of.

when he sees the steady motion of your chest, lungs pumping air in and out of your relaxed and vulnerable state, he’s quick to adjust your body, letting you lie flat on your back and your legs pressed on each side. you’ve always looked beautiful to him, no matter what you wear, no matter how unkempt your hair was.

and he finds you most beautiful spread out like this for him to take. an angel you are in his eyes.

he groans when he feels his cock ache inside his tight pants. you’re just that perfect, fuck, he’s so damn lucky that he’s the one who gets to share this apartment space with you and not just a random bastard who wouldn’t treat you like he does.

he just hope you wouldn’t find out the debauched person he can be.

thoma wants to put all the blame on you. you should be held accountable for how adorable you are, and how your beaming eyes always had him hooked whenever you tell him what happened in uni. you should know that he’s utterly smitten from how much you cling to him, trusting him to the point where you don’t even notice that the tea he makes was the very reason why he had you pressed down like this.

of course, he wouldn’t dare hurt you. he’s not an asshole who just takes advantage of you like this and ends up hurting you in any way or form. thoma would spend the time preparing you, holding you, and pleasing you before he could even please himself.

as he had your legs spread open, he would gently remove your pants, revealing you in your underwear. he finds it cute how you wear this particular pair every weekend, the soft pastel red cotton undies he always love!

then he would notice how you’d shiver, feeling the cold gust of wind welcoming your flushed skin. thoma would cover you up with the blanket he made for you, smiling as he remembers how you were elated to receive this from him.

as he provides you a source of warmth, he would continue and leave kisses on your thighs, his large hands pressing down to spread your legs wider. he dares not leave any hickeys, as much as his mind tells him to mark you already. he can do that later when you’re finally sober enough to know what the hell he’s doing.

after leaving feather-like kisses on both your thighs, thoma would press two of his fingers between your clothed cunt, sliding up and down your slit. he can hear the gentle hums of satisfaction escaping your lips.

“even when you’re in deep sleep, you’ve always loved being pleasured like this, huh?” he whispers, putting in some pressure that the tip of his finger glides down your clit. “we wouldn’t want to mess this though,” he adds before he hooks two of his fingers to the band of your underwear and slowly pulls it off your body.

with your lower half exposed for his eyes to feast on, thoma almost came at the sight of your cunt slightly shimmering from your slick. he curses under his breath, impatient because he just wants to shove his cock but had put an immense focus so to mentally stops himself.

before he even loses control, he moves his head down and has his lips close in your cunt. he hums, satisfied, tasting you as his tongue laps up and down your clit. he can finally taste you, so sweet against the sensitive flesh of his mouth. you were addicting, thoma can’t help but give your pussy lips a kiss before he had his whole mouth sucking on your poor cunt.

he felt your thighs occassionally close back from the sensation, your eyebrows furrowing that your sleep-induced state tries to focus on the pleasurable feeling you’re receiving between your legs.

“you’re so damn cute,” thoma mutters before he goes back on assaulting your sensitive clit. he wants to hear you moan, to hear you whimper about how good he’s treating you, how good he was on eating you out, on pleasing you but that can wait.

after flicking his tongue on your sensitive nub, he had two fingers slowly pumping in and out of your hole. you were so wet, so ready for him to take but he wants to make you cum first. thoma goes back on sucking on your clit as his fingers smoothly go in and out of your hole, adjusting it to reach the most sensitive spot inside that he knew by heart. you were so warm, so tight around two of his digits.

the pleasure he gets from fucking you like this had him rutting his hips down the bed, cock itching to shove itself inside your warmth and have your tight walls snuggle it closer. his pants' already ruined from his pre. he groans as he does so, eyes peering up to witness how your back softly arched from the vibrations he had let go on your clit. thoma can feel how close you are, your warm walls sucking him in with fervor.

“that’s it f/n. go on, cum for me,” he says even if you won’t even hear him or know that it was him pleasuring you like this. your walls clamped on his fingers, your hole gushing out so much slick as thoma didn’t stop sliding his digits in and out to ride your high.

your body was still shaking a bit from the aftermath of your orgasm when thoma swiftly moved up and pulled his hard and aching cock out of his already-ruined pants. he hissed as the warmth of his hands made contact with his skin, quickly rubbing the bulbous head on your cunt to relieve himself from the pain.

“‘want you so badly, f/n, just let me—” slowly, he pushes himself inside your walls, grunting at the sudden tightness engulfing him. he eyes your body, those emerald hues watching every twitch of your eyebrow and how your chest lets go of a shaky breath as he finally pushes all the way in. “fuck, you feel so good around me.”

thoma’s head was spinning at the view he’s getting of you even more when he looks down to where you’re both connected. his long girth feels just perfect to be inside you, smoothly sliding in and out. hell, he wanted to roughly bend you in half and shove himself as deep as he could but you might wake up. he doesn’t want that but fuck, you’re making it so hard for him.

in seconds, he rocks his hips against your body, his thighs softly smacking against your butt as he slowly ruts himself in your core. thoma bites down on his lips, focusing on being gentle while getting the most out of your cunt. he closes his eyes, savoring how your walls sucks him in, tightening every time he bottoms out. he was so big yet he had managed to have you adjust to his size perfectly, molding you to have his cock alone.

he was close, the pleasure so intense on bis lower half he had somehow let go of his focus and started a rather quick pace in fucking you. he hears you whimpering, his mind thinking that you’re awake and was ushering him to go faster, that you’re close too, that you want him to make a mess out of you.

“anything for you, f/n. fuck, i’d do anything for you,” he utters with a moan, sweat glistening on his forehead, his balls slapping oh so loudly against your thighs covered with your slick. and he pulls out, groaning as his cold hands started to jerk on his sensitive cock before he lets out his thick cum just right outside your hole.

thoma could barely keep in his moans, shivering at how he coats your pussy lips with his load that you looked so damn messy but fuck, you’re just so beautiful in his eyes.

“i love you,” he whispers but gained back his focus in seconds when he hears you humming. his eyes darted back to your face only to see that you’re still fast asleep.

thoma sighs, shaking his head, and went back down to look at your cum-stained cunt. he could just jerk again at the sight but doesn’t want to wake you sooner than he’d think he might. but, before he puts your legs back down and it let relax, he pulls out his phone from his pocket and quickly took pictures of your body, more on how he ruined you below, angling it where he can see how he had claimed you to be his.

with this sweet smile on his face, he bends down and slowly left a kiss on your forehead.

“sweet dreams, angel. i hope that we can spend more time soon.”

⠀⠀scara-meow-che © 2023 ┃ do not copy, modify, or repost ANY of my content

[tiredfox64]

Hi! I love your work, especially your Bi-Han writings. Not sure if you're taking requests, but would you write something for Mavado x Reader? Honestly any prompt is fine, there's literally no Mavado/Reader content and we need some 😭

It Only Takes 7 Días

Yip notes: Everybody stfu and let me cook. Gotta make something sweet for the fuckin people. (PS I actually had this set up in my drafts before and this encouraged me to finish it seeing that others are desperate).

Pairing: Mavado x Afab reader

Warnings ‼️: Suggestive kinda?

Everyone knows Mavado dedicates himself to the Red Dragon clan. He’s a man who listens and obeys Daegon’s command. A man who will bring hellfire upon anyone who disturbs his clan such as Kabal and Kano. All he knows is his duty and his clan. He is uninterested in such things as dating.

Or so everyone thought.

Mavado isn’t dumb. He could never allow anyone to know about you. It’s for your own safety. Heaven forbid Daegon finds out about you, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill you just to keep Mavado’s attention. Kano and Kabal would do so much worse. They would probably hold you hostage to force Mavado into giving up every piece of information about the Red Dragon clan. He would never forgive himself if he let the one person he truly loves get hurt. He had to be all hush hush, sometimes meaning he spent little time with you. He’ll make it up to you. He’s a man of his word. This whole week will be for you.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

You heard tapping on your balcony door. Little taps as if rocks were being flicked against the glass. You got up from your bed and slid open the balcony door. When you looked down below you saw Mavado holding a bouquet of flowers just for you. He had a smug grin on his face. He knows how to capture your heart.

“Trying to make up for lost time?” You asked.

“I think it’s obvious, mi reina.” Relax, papi chulo.

You smile as you begin to back away from the railing of the balcony. You knew Mavado wouldn’t come up the regular way. You saw his grappling hook wrap around the railing before he flung himself up. Of course, he landed perfectly since he had done this a thousand times. He handed you the bouquet before placing a kiss on your cheek.

El domingo empieza el juego de seducción

It’s never just one kiss. It’s always more. On your cheeks, on your forehead, on your lips, and on your neck. His stubble lightly scratches your skin, causing you to giggle. His arms wrapped around your waist so he could pull you in close. You jokingly told him to stop but you knew he never would. In fact, he started placing quick kisses on your neck before returning to your lips.

“We should get you back inside. I’ll help warm you up.” He whispered in your ear before picking you up.

Anyone with a somewhat developed frontal lobe knows what’s about to happen. Mavado was being truthful. He would help warm you up…without any clothes on. Body heat does count. It worked, didn’t it? You were sweating and panting by the end of the night. Knocked you out and left you curled up in his arms.

Monday night, una velada entre tú y yo

By the morning, Mavado was already gone. That’s not unusual. What was unusual was how early you got to see him again. He was back by the early evening. The sun hadn’t fully set yet.

The moment you walked through the door he came up behind you to give you a hug. You were spooked at first before you felt that familiar scratch when he kissed your cheek. You immediately relaxed from his touch and he chuckled about your tiny freakout.

“What? You didn’t expect me to come back?”

“Not really. You’re not really a man who stays for two nights in a row.”

Mavado acted like he was shocked but his face did not portray that. He still had that devilish smirk on his face which meant he had plans for you and him.

“I did want to make up for lost time.”

“Does that mean we are going for a second round?” You asked with a grin.

“If that’s what you want. But I was thinking of something more romantic. Whatever you want, mi reina.” Good heavens, Mavado. You’ll strike the hearts of many.

That evening was romantic, Mavado made sure of that. A nice dinner and great music. He literally swept you off your feet. If you didn’t know how to dance bachata before you surely did now. You can’t live your whole life without knowing how to dance bachata.

And as you requested, you both had a second round in bed. The Devil’s Tango.

Martes, te hago mi novia en París

You were surprised to see Mavado still in bed with you in the morning. He really was staying to make up for lost time. His hands traced up your body as your eyes adjusted to the morning light. You looked so majestic to him with the way you looked so relaxed and the only thing covering you were the sheets.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty. You ready for another day with your favorite man?” He asked with a cocky tone.

“You plan to spoil me like you usually do?”

“Of course. And what better place to do it but in Outworld. The culture is rich I can assure you.”

A trip to another realm? Fancy. He’s not wrong either. He has traveled around Outworld and knows the best spots to find goods. The finest pieces of jewelry and best-designed clothes will be yours. Just say the word and Mavado will give it to you, one way or another.

Get ready, put your best outfit on, and don’t leave your place without a smile. Mavado wants that smile to stay on all day long.

By Wednesday, you'll love me the way it should be

Y el jueves, el anillo down on my knees te propongo matrimonio, dices que sí

The first half of the week was amazing. You couldn’t remember a time when you weren’t smiling or giggling. You thought that this week couldn’t get any better. You are wrong and for once, that’s a good thing.

You were standing outside on your balcony, watching the sunset. The sky was painted with yellow, pink, and orange. The golden light illuminated you beautifully. You were like a shining star in Mavado’s eyes. He came up beside you and you immediately rested your head on his shoulder. His hand rested gently on top of yours. You thought this was another romantic moment before you felt him messing with your ring finger. He was trying to lift it slightly and you felt something cold against it. You turned to look at him before pulling your hand away.

“Heh, I thought I was better at being sneaky. Well, guess I should be upfront with you.” He said.

You were confused about what he meant till you saw him get down on one knee. In his hand was the ring of your dreams. The band was the metal you wanted, shining in the light. The gem was your favorite and cut in the shape you desired. The ring was beautiful. This moment was beautiful. What do you have to say about this?

“Yes!”

Friday, we'll marry wherever you want

You guys got married in secret. No paperwork or the pope’s approval. Your love was true and that’s all that mattered. You guys killed two birds with one stone by having a destination wedding. Wherever you wanted, you went. It could have meaning or it could be fun. The choice was yours. Mavado would make it happen and follow through. All for his lovely bride.

Luna de miel es el sábado, hermoso final

The day after your makeshift wedding you two spent your time enjoying a new destination together. It’s a dream come true. But you did have one question for Mavado.

“I’m surprised you’re not quick to return to the Red Dragon. I would have thought you’d return to them sooner.”

“I am still loyal to my clan of course. But I am also loyal to you. The clan could wait, I couldn’t make you wait any longer.” He brought your hand up and placed a kiss on it.

Your new husband is truly loyal to you.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

“Where is Mavado!” Daegon yelled in frustration.

This was unlike the cruel crime lord. He doubted Mavado got killed since he was always super careful. So where the heck was he?

“Maybe he’s got a girlfriend now.” Hsu Hao suggested.

Daegon snapped his neck to glare at the idiot. His eye might have started twitching as well.

“Hsu Hao, you’re a bigger idiot than my brother. You’re loyal, but an idiot. Never in a million years would Mavado waste his time by dating. Don’t say another word to me.”

Unfortunately for you, Daegon, Hsu Hao is right. There ain’t nothin you could do about it.

Yap notes: unfortunately we never had a chance 😭. I mean when his name is basically malvado (literally accidentally call him that all the time) could we really expect him to love?

This feels satisfying to do and finish. This may be very headcanony but what can you do when we haven’t seen him in a long time. I can’t even find much for him when it came to the 3D era so I can’t figure out his speech patterns. I did my best and I hope this makes some people happy. Adiós!

[pathos-logical]

How to Keep Doing Descriptions (from someone who does a fuckton)

Plain text: How to Keep Doing Descriptions (from someone who does a fuckton)

This is a list aimed mostly at helping people who already write IDs; for guides at learning how to do them yourself, check my accessibility and image description tags! I write this with close to two years of experience with IDs and chronic pain :)

Get used to writing some IDs by using both your phone and your computer, if you can! I find it easier to type long-form on my laptop, so I set up videos and long comics on my phone, which I then prop up against my laptop screen so I can easily reference the post without constantly scrolling or turning my head

I will never stop plugging onlineocr.net. I use it to ID everything from six-word tags to screenshots of long posts to even comic dialogue! On that last note, convertcase.net can convert text between all-caps, lowercase, sentence case, and title case, which is super helpful

Limit the number of drafts/posts-to-be-described you save. No, seriously. I never go above 10 undescribed drafts on any of my four blogs. It doesn’t have to be that low, but this has done wonders (italics: wonders) for my productivity and willingness to write IDs. If I ever get above that limit, even if it’s two or three more, I immediately either describe the lowest-effort post or purge some, and if I can't do that then I stop saving things to drafts no matter what. No exceptions! Sticking to this will make your life so much easier and less stressful

My pinned post has a link to a community doc of meme description templates!

Ask! For! Help! Please welcome to the stage the People’s Accessibility Server! It’s full of lovely people and organized into channels where you can request/volunteer descriptions and ask/answer questions

I make great use of voice-to-text and glide typing on my phone to save my hands some effort!

Something is always better than nothing!!! A short two-sentence or one-sentence ID is better than no ID at all. Take it easy :)

If you feel guilty about being unable to reblog amazing but undescribed art, try getting into the habit of replying to OP’s post to let them know you liked it! This makes me feel less pressured to ID absolutely everything I see

This is a sillier one, but I tag posts I describe as "described" and "described by me." When saving to drafts, I never preemptively tag with "described by me," since for some reason that always makes me feel extra pressure and extra stress. Consider doing something similar for yourself if that applies!

I frequently find myself looking at pieces of art which feel like they need to be considered for a bit before I can write an ID for them, and those usually get thrown into drafts, where the dread for writing a comprehensive ID just builds. Don’t do that! Instead, try just staying in the reblog field for a bit and focus on the most relevant aspects of the piece. Marinate on them for a little; don’t rush, but don’t spend more than a handful of seconds either. I find after that the art becomes way easier to describe than it initially seemed!

On that note, look for shortcuts that make IDs less taxing for you to do! For example, I only ever describe clothes in art if they're relevant to the piece; not doing that every time saves a lot of time and energy for me personally

Building off of that, consider excusing yourself from a particular kind of ID if you want to. Give yourself a free pass for 4chan posts, or fanart by an artist who does really good but really complex comics, whatever. Let it be someone else's responsibility and feel twice as proud about the work that you can now allot more energy to!

As always, make an effort to find and follow fellow describers! It’s always encouraging to get described posts on your dash, and I find that sometimes I'm happier to ID an undescribed post when the person who put it on my dash is a friend who tagged it with "no ID"

TL;DR: To make ID-writing less stressful and more low-effort, use different devices and software like onlineocr.net and voice-to-text, limit the amount of work you expect yourself to do, and reach out to artists and other describers!

[storycraftcafe]

Hello there!

Do you have any neurospicy friendly tips for staying motivated? I'd love to write more, especially long-form, multi-chapter works but after a chapter or two I either get bitten by other plot bunnies or real life eats me whole.

Thanks!

Hello friend!

Oh this is right up my alley, grab a cuppa, I get wordy.

As a chronic “too many ideas, too little dopamine” ADHD brain that’s always seeking that lil extra dopamine, I suffer from the exact same problem. My motivation is a fickle thing, as is my ability to focus and my goblin brain is always after the new shiny idea.

But, I’m also at the end of drafting the biggest project I’ve ever completed(it's over 100k words right now), while also planning a novel, developing a few more ideas and writing short stories and doing this blog (intermittently at least for now).

How the hell did I manage that?

I learned to work with my brain, lean into novelty, made things really easy for myself and when needed, got some help and made things fun. 

The truth is, motivation comes and goes, as does inspiration. So we have to figure out how to keep writing without it, and how to wrangle those plot bunnies. That’s the work we do. 

My short answer is this: The solution to focusing on a big project is to make working on this project easier than working on anything else, make it the most enjoyable, and make it the most rewarding.

Here’s some advice on how:

Advice Tidbit the First: Work with your brain

Since us neurospicy types come in so many flavours, it’s impossible to give advice that works for everyone. So find what works for you. You know what helps you focus, you know what your weaknesses are and you know how your brain works. If you don’t, now is the time to find out how to work with your brain chemistry rather than against it. 

If this means having music, using a pomodoro timer, something like a special focus based word processor or a notebook, use it. If this means working with a trusted friend, a community, or alone, do that. 

For me it really means that the big project is always front and centre. It is always open, it is always flagged in my notebook, it is always present and easy to come back to and I always know where I’m going with it.

I’m gonna share some things that work for me and I encourage you to try them, keep what works, and cast off the rest.

Advice Tidbit the Second: Lean into Novelty

My brain relishes novelty, and will happily chase a new idea down a rabbit hole like a Jack Russell on speed and after years of fighting it, I’ve learned sometimes, it’s best to chase the white rabbit and see where it ends up. Just make sure you have a way of putting that idea on a back burner and coming home to the project you want to focus on.

And I do this through a few different means. 

First I write that new idea down, which in turn helps me get it out of my head instead of it repeating ad nauseum like the chewiest earworm. The brain repeats things to remember them, but if you write it down, and then immediately get what you wanna focus on in front of your eyeballs, you might be able to switch gears and get back on track.

Second, I create my own novelty by balancing a few projects at once, that are all at different stages of development, and focus on different ideas. I have the big one that's almost done, I have a novel that’s in planning, a few short story ideas that’s percolating  and this blog which is focused less on creation and more explaining things I’ve learned. And I bounce from these, as needed, to keep things fresh. 

Third, if all else fails, I stop fighting and go wild. I’ve stumbled onto some amazing gems of projects by embracing the mad rush of inspiration until I hit a wall. And the trick for me is, once I hit that wall, I go back to my big project and it always feels a little fresher after that time away.

Writers are creative creatures, and inspiration is a wonderful, amazing, maddening thing that we cannot rely on, but shouldn’t ignore when it strikes. 

Advice Tidbit the Third: Make that shit easy.

A fun, and by fun I mean hellish aspect of my brain chemistry is that the more barriers between me and doing a thing there are, the less likely I am to do the thing. Executive dysfunction is an asshole and should pay but until I can figure out a way to do that, I instead focus on making this as easy for me as possible. 

When it comes to focusing on a specific project, I make sure I have it ready to go when I wanna work on it. I open up the word doc before I go to bed, I leave some notes for myself before leaving it, I never close it unless I absolutely have to, and I always, always have a notebook or my phone on hand to write with, and I have a playlist on hand to get me in the mindset while writing or walking, or working out.

Now if you’re looking at that and going “But Cas, that’s a lot of prep-work”, yeah, it is, and that’s what I do to make things easier to start and stay focused with. Call it the neurospicy-tax. Sometimes shit comes with extra prepwork, but it will help you in the long run.

Thankfully the execution is less painful than it sounds. I just don’t close the word doc for my main project unless I absolutely have to. Opening it first thing is a habit I’ve developed over time as is carrying my notebook around everywhere. Right now I’m trying to build the habit of writing first thing in the morning after breakfast, which means I have the project, or project notes up to read while I eat.

The less I have to think about it, the less steps it takes to start, the easier it is to just do. And do it enough, consistently enough, it becomes habitual. Ish.

Advice Tidbit the Fourth and Most Important: Make the writing easier too.

Yeap. I’m gonna say it. Learn to plan in a way that works for you.

It is so much easier to write freely, consistently and confidently when I have a damn good idea of where I’m going and what targets I’m trying to hit. If you’ve read my waffling about approaching chapters, I go on at length about how that pre-planning makes the work easier. This doesn’t mean you need to have the whole thing planned down to the finest detail, you don’t need every chapter and scene on cards ready to go, unless that’s what works best for you.

However, I have found that I can stick with big projects the best if I have a rough plan consisting of story beats, knowing my character arcs, and solid idea of the ending. With that roadmap, it doesn't matter how lost or distracted I get or how long I spend in the warren of Ploticus Bunnicus, because I have that guide at hand to bring me back to my story. But when I don’t have it… I get lost. And I stay lost. I lose motivation, it’s harder to pick it up again, I lose hope and I abandon that story and feel awful about it.

So if there’s any advice I want you to try it’s this: Figure out where your story is going, where you want it to end up, a few ideas on how you’ll get there, and make a map to keep you heading in the right direction.

It can be as easy as dot points giving you a few ideas about what’s ahead, a few notes from the last writing session to remind you of where you were going, or a paragraph blocking out events in a really condensed summary. Whatever works for you, but have a plan for where you’re going for those moments when something shiny crosses your path. Make working on this main project easier than working on anything else, make it the most enjoyable, make it the most rewarding. Let me know if you want me to talk about my roadmapping/planning process.

Advice Tidbit the Fifth: Get some help.

I would not be as far along in my big project as I am if I didn’t have two really amazing people that helped me along my way as alpha readers. Ie: the two people who got frantic messages at 3am asking if they could look at the raw draft I had just churned out to see if it was okay, and who also, graciously, acted as rubber duckies and brainstorming partners and problem solvers as I figured my own process out.

I owe these two so much.

Writing can be a terribly solitary craft but it doesn’t have to be. So get a buddy, someone that can hold you to task, who can give their opinion, act as a sounding board, who is as excited about the project as you are. I am so glad to be that person for my bestest buddies and they are that person for me.

So find that person, someone you can trust, a friend, another writer, or just someone that has your back. And if you don’t have that person, there are communities aplenty floating around. And I am always, always, ready to cheerlead a fellow writer. Hell, I created a whole damn server just to help other writers that I haven’t been brave enough to advertise yet.  You can find it here. [If the link isn't active, feel free to ask me for one!]

Advice Tidbit the Sixth: Make that shit fun.

Writing is work, there’s no way to get around that and writing a big multi-chapter project is a LOT of work even if you don’t plan, edit, revise, or rewrite (though you should). All my advice so far has been focused on making that work easier, on working with your brain, embracing novelty for your own ends, making the work easier, and working with a friend.

Now we get to have fun.

What makes writing enjoyable for you? Is it having a tasty treat while working or after as a reward? Is it good music? An excuse to go to a cafe? To use a pretty pen? Whatever it is, DO IT. 

I like to have a nice cup of tea in a nice mug while I write. I always have music or something ignorable for background noise on the tv. And I use my very pretty pens in my very nice notebooks.

If you’re anything like me, you possess strong opinions regarding notebooks and pens, and likely have a neglected collection of some pretty stuff. So I’m gonna say something shocking: You should use those nice pens and notebooks.

 No seriously. 

Use them. Use the pretty inks and lovely pens and use them to make writing fun. Switch colours at the drop of a hat or to show scene and pov transitions, practise your handwriting. Use different notebooks for different projects or one big bullet journal style thing for all your writing. 

Create yourself an everyday writers kit and take it everywhere with you. Use it. If you’re doom scrolling, switch your phone for your writing kit and start jotting down some ideas or write a single sentence for your story. Use these pretty shiny things. I dare you.

Keep in mind, you DO NOT need expensive pens or papers ever at all. You can do this with a cheap notebook and a ballpoint. I’m just a stationery nerd and I like using the nice things I’ve bought instead of them sitting there doing nothing.

Here’s my kit, a black traveller’s notebook with three inserts and a kraft folder, two pen loops stuck onto the folder and two TWSBI eco fountain pens. Each insert is for a different kind of project (drafting the long project, brainstorming and planning or short stories, and planning and drafting articles for this blog.) and I have sticky tabs in the folder to make pages and specific projects. Sometimes I add a pouch of yet more fountain pens because I don’t have a problem, I have a collection.

Flex aside, my point is use tools that you enjoy using. If that means a nice clacky keyboard, use it, if that means fancy ass pens, use them, if that means something you’re not scared of breaking, use it. 

Now for gamification: A common bit of advice I hear for ADHD brains specifically is to gamify the tricky things and thank the gods, there’s a bunch of people who have figured out ways to do this.

For writers specifically we have a few tasty choices.

A quick search for ‘gamifying writing’ will turn up a bunch of results but here’s a few favourites of mine.

4thewords is web browser based RPG game where you write to battle monsters and make your way through the story. It is a subscription however but it’s fairly affordable ($4 USD a month) if you end up using it everyday. It comes with progress trackers, avatars you can get cool things for, a big community and it has a 15 day trial that does not need a credit card for. Wahoo. I’ve used it, it's a lot of  fun, but it doesn’t gel with my other needs quite as well but I do turn to it none and then when I really wanna buckle down and focus. Give it a go~

Write Or Die is a classic sprint writing tool that I’ve been a fan of for years. Basically you write or you are ‘punished’ via flashing screen, loud noises or if you’re brave, there’s the mode that eats your words if you stop typing for too long. It is a one man developer that said and a bit old and neglected but Write or Die 2 is worth it if this helps you stay focused.

Too high stress? Think about trying…

Written Kitten is a web browser based writing motivator that gives you a cute kitten picture every time you write a certain number of words. It’s adorable.

Or you can grab that writing buddy of yours, or just yourself, a timer and do a writing sprint. Pick a number of words, set your timer and write until the timer goes off. See how well you did, see how any words you can get and how far above the set number you can go.

In the end all this leads to the same key point, which is to make working on your long multi-chaptered project as easy, fun and rewarding as you possibly can. If you have a mind that chases fun, make the work fun, if it chases novelty, make the work novel, if it lacks focus, figure out how it likes to focus and apply that to your project. 

You can wrangle your brain, but you have to work to its strengths. But before I wrap this up

Advice Tidbit the Seventh: Go easy on yourself.

Neurospicy brains are particular and challenging and common advice doesn’t always work for us and that’s okay. It can be tricky figuring out what works and what doesn’t, and spoons aren’t always plentiful, our moods aren’t always cooperative and sometimes the work really is hard no matter what we do. And that’s okay. What matters, I think, is that we keep trying. A few words a day are still a few words a day.  It adds up.

You got this and I am always happy to have a chat or listen.

Good writing!

[talenlee]

Lysen Co Reflection 1

I’m working on the card game Lysen Co! Part of how I make a game is a form of autoethnographic reflection. This reflection takes the form of engaging with the thing I made, listening to feedback, and then writing down an account of how I feel about that feedback. The point here isn’t to collect other people’s opinions, but instead to present a reflection on how I feel about what I was told.

Why do it this way?

The first thing is that I’m not just quoting a bunch of other people at you. The second is that the game is not a thing being made by a bunch of people. I’m the designer, and I have an idea of what I want the game to do and how I personally like solving problems in a game’s design. There’s always a potential problem with collecting user feedback and following it in aggergate in that sometimes you’ll get feedback about something you didn’t know or care about, and you might just implement it based on an absence of opinion. This squanders an opportunity to reflect, and to become a better designer.

Something I’ve heard recently, from Jim Davis is that the point of Magic: The Gathering is not to win the game, but to get better at playing it. I like this and how this changes my thinking — a game is not an end unto itself, but part of a collection (don’t say assemblage, don’t say assemblage), and the project is making games, better, for people I like, to express ideas and share experiences I want them to have.

Anyway, on to the dirty deets.

Reflecting on a game design’s weaknesses can involve some pretty unpleasant feelings. Specifically, I don’t like feeling like I made obvious mistakes. The very first impulse I have when I think about the results of playtesting and listening to people talk about Lysen Co is both defensiveness and a sort of pre-emptive prophlyaxis. Specifically, I’ll sometimes leap to defend a choice, not with a recognition that the other person brought up a good point, but rather the stranger thought of ‘of course I did consider that, but maybe you’re right.’ That’s immediately not helpful; I want to make sure I’m listening to concerns deeply and thoughtfully. That up front is something I know I need to struggle with and I think it’s tied to a need to always have a correct answer.

Nothing dark about that realisation about myself at all, in this case. I think I’m just used to feeling like I need to be a know-it-all. It’s a thing to keep in mind.

Mechanically, an impression that some players mentioned to me that I share is that the traitor mechanic is overwhelming. Not that they struggle with how it works, but rather that there are so many traitors in the deck that it makes them a sort of constant presence, a thing to make choices about every turn. They’re not very sneaky. I really underestimated the traitor mechanic I had designed, in my first draft of the game. Specifically, my first idea was that there would be a small number of traitors, equally distributed, and therefore every hand had a chance for them showing up. I didn’t imagine the density I had designed would make it so possible for players to wind up with multiple traitors!

At the moment, there are fifteen traitors in the deck, scattered irregularly through the numbers. In playtest games, even with thorough shuffling, these show up too often in a player’s hand in multiples. I feel that having a traitor show up in my hand is a cute weapon to hold onto for when I have the opportunity. Having two traitors in my hand encourages me to do things to get rid of them, because they’re not ways to advance my strategy.

Traitors are weapons to use against other players who are winning and they are useless for improving your own position in the game. You already need to care about the numbers on your cards, and how they work together. Sneaking a traitor into someone’s history is powerful in the late game, but not so fun if there are a lot of them flying around. I think traitors want to be both more of a penalty (minus five points, I think), and fewer.

The prevalence of traitors also play into the way the card face looks. The cards include a single large number at the bottom of the card that signifies its value, and then on either side of it are signifier numbers indicating where the nearest traitor can show up. I thought this hypothetically would make it easier for players leading the trick to know how open they were making themselves to traitors, but it also signals how common traitors are and shouldn’t be. If there are fewer traitors, this statistic becomes less important.

I think the scoring mechanics are too complicated for most cards, which bums me out a little bit. I liked the way that the junior tech created negative space, where the junior just cared about showing up and getting points for her job and therefore all the other stuff was clearly some other kind of behaviour. The marketers swapping cards around and then being worthless appeals to me as someone who thinks marketing’s main job is selling marketing. I like what they express; I don’t like the mental cost they induce. Particularly, senior researchers need you to recruit them first, then recruit juniors afterwards. This is the only type of card that cares about order, so if they didn’t do that, they’d be fine. I like the way Junior admins check for types of Seniors; I like the way that Junior Researchers care about breakthroughs and Senior Admins care about themselves. That stuff all works. Breakthroughs on the other hand introduce a moment of confusion in their resolution. I think they should grab you something out of the discard pile, or maybe they should just be straight-up a bonus for every other card you wind up recruiting (meaning you want to recruit large groups).

Also, while I’m looking at pragmatic problems with the card face, the font looks bad inverted. While it’s a lovely robust font with big square lines that looks good face-up, this is a game where players need to easily tell at a glance a 52 from a 25 on an upside down card. Big sigh, deep breath, I may need to change the font for those numbers. This a bummer.

The card back being asymmetrical is not a problem in the handleability of the design, but the upside down text is strange. Once it’s pointed out to me that it doesn’t look like a proper corporate logo (why would they put their text on their logo upside down) and it’s a half measure. The card isn’t a symmetrical back, and it probably doesn’t need to be because the game isn’t about shuffling or rehiding information in the deck. Probably wants to have the text curve around the logo, like a number of corporate logos would.

That’s the basics for things that I have noticed in the playtesting sessions I’ve done. To summarise my actionable items in changing the protoype:

Reduce the traitors to just one of each class of card

The traitor signifiers are not necessary, freeing up space

Simplify the score conditions on several cards to get rid of the need for ordering cards

Look for alternative fonts for the number value on each card to make it upside-down readable

Change the card back logo to get rid of the second line of text

And more broadly:

Try to be less concerned about getting the design wrong. It’s okay to need to take multiple rounds to make the game the best it can be without changing it to something I don’t want it to be.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[romanceandshenanigans]

Writer Q&A Game

Thanks to @clairelsonao3 for tagging me!

1. What motivates you to write?

I'm not exactly sure tbh. It almost feels like a compulsion. There are days where I simply do not feel good in my body if I haven't written anything. Then there are others where I can't bring myself to write because I'm too tired or too distracted from life. Honestly the second I get a clear head and enough time to myself, I'll start writing.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

This isn't from my WIP, but from a fanfic I wrote a while ago. I want to try to find a way to incorporate it into something. Not sure where though.

“I know this seems like it’s coming out of nowhere,” he said, “but promise it’s not. I’ve had a long time to think about it.  A few years, actually. I guess, I just didn’t realize how deep I was in it until about five minutes ago.”

She kept silent, but the simple fact she hadn’t told him to get out gave him the confidence to keep going. . 

“I meant it when I said I’m crazy about you. I like that you take your sugar with a drop of coffee.  I like how you sing to yourself when you’re happy.  I like that you never seem to get cold.  I like that you never lose your head under fire, but still need me to get rid of spiders. I like that you can laugh at yourself.  I like that you can laugh at me. Hell, I like that you’re perfectly willing to slap my face if the situation calls for it.

I like so many things about you Liz, and that’s just the stuff I found out on accident.  I can only imagine the stuff I’d learn if I started loving you on purpose."

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

I really do enjoy writing Finn. The boy just makes my smile.

Close second is another OC which I wrote for fanfic who I want to save and put someplace else, Lucy. She's my softest girl who has a lot of love to give. Might figure out a way to put her in this regency setting somewhere, but who knows.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

The first draft spree. The moment when you get an idea and you have write it down as quickly as possible. It's rough and definitely will need some editing, but that rush cannot be topped. It just feels satisfying to exorcise even the smallest of scenes out of my body.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Dialogue, hands down. It's at least the part I've gotten the most compliments on.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I've only just started to dip my toe in, but I really do love answering asks. I like seeing other writer's process and knowing I'm not alone. It's just fun!

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I've been using Scrivener and it's really helped me keep everything organized. I have a very conspiracy board way of drafting, so having all my random snippets in one place really helps.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Not sure world building is my strong suit for this current WIP. I suppose I'm enjoying expanding the world of the theatre, but I admittedly need to do more research.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Write anyway. It doesn't have to be the scene that's giving you trouble. It doesn't even have to be for the piece you're trying to focus on, just don't get out of the habit of writing. Once you lose that momentum, it takes a long time to get it back.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

Gotta give a shout out to @clairelsonao3 for being so welcoming in my introduction to the writeblr community. And @janec23, for being one of the few specifically romance writers to reach out.

But I really can't begin to thank all the people who have followed me from my fanfic blog over to this one. It really means so much to know people are interested in reading anything I put out there.

@flapjacques, @jo-harrington, @can-of-pringles, @handahbear, @auroramagpie, @justanothersadperson93, @sad-cat-hours, @ghostface001, @theowlwhocameback, @mattmurdocksscars, @roruna, @everything-intertwined, @sweetjedi, @arcanerazil, @vibratingbonesbis, @delirious0pandemonium, @llovelykenobi, @geek-girl7, @mixedupanddown

Know that I love and appreciate you all.

I'm also going to leave this an OPEN tag to anyone who wants to do this, and especially invite everyone who I have tagged above. (and

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

Fic Stats Meme

Rules: Give us the links to your fics with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and your fic with the least amount of words.

One more thing I was tagged in by @materassassino, even longer ago, because these past two days I've just. Really been in the mood to clear out some of my drafts and do fun stuff?

Most Hits: Make A Wish (Young Avengers) - 17,527 hits

Wealthy scientist Nate Richards has been shot, and the legendary sapphire he owned stolen. Noh Varr, a private investigator, is hired—not to track down his killer, but to exonerate one of the suspects. It all gets much messier than he'd expected.

This is a Young Avengers noir AU that I wrote for the Young Avengers Reverse Big Bang and one of my very few attempts at first-person narration, and frankly its hit count mystifies me. I guess people re-read it a lot or something? I'm glad that it has staying power, I'm just puzzled.

Second Most Kudos: Lay That Heavy Trick On Me (Guardians of the Galaxy) - 1,248 kudos

The Guardians take a job robbing an expensive resort, and their floorplans indicate that the best access point to get to where they need to be is in the honeymoon suite. Which means that two of them need to play like they're married. Peter's not quite sure why he has to be one of the lucky newlyweds. Drax doesn't understand subterfuge. Gamora just keeps laughing at them and it's terrible.

This was actually my most kudos'ed story until fairly recently, when it was overtaken by hard work. It's a fun story--not my best, but it's in a much bigger fandom than I normally write for and it has a couple of super-popular tropes in it, so I suppose it's not so weird that it's up there stats-wise.

Third Most Comments: Gaiden: Neo-Heisei Kamen Rider (Kamen Riders W through Zi-O) - 133 comment threads

Not bothering with the summary because this one's a collection of short pieces, mostly from Tumblr prompts, and it's got 108 chapters. Some people comment on every piece they read! It's very gratifying!

Fourth Most Bookmarked: Lay That Heavy Trick On Me (Guardians of the Galaxy) - 297 bookmarks

"Heavy Trick" again! I mean, for real, this one used to be my leader in everything, for a while it was by far my most popular fic.

Fifth Most Words: Into The Black (Young Avengers/Firefly) - 44,537 words

Mercenary space captain Kate Bishop's got a loyal crew (mostly), an unreliable space ship (hey don't you say that Dawn's Archer is perfect), some unresolved anger issues (some faces that need grinding that is), and a lot of moral gray areas that she likes to play around in as she roams the galaxy, taking whatever jobs she can find. When her ship takes on some unusual passengers, however, everything goes completely off the rails.

This one--my tragic forever-unfinished Young Avengers/Firefly mashup--is genuinely surprising to me. I had no idea I'd written so much for it. I ought to be honest with myself and everyone else and update the tags/summary/chapter count to indicate that it's unlikely to ever be completed, but I haven't got the heart. And who knows, maybe at some point I'll rewatch Firefly and re-read YA Vol 2 and get inspired for it again. As I recall, the next chapter I'd had planned before I got distracted was the "Objects in Space" one, which was going to have Deadpool as the bounty hunter.

Fewest Words: various fandom poems

Discounting my few podfics, which naturally have low word counts because they have no words, I have 12 poems up on AO3, 9 of which are between 100 and 200 words. It doesn't seem pointful to link any specific one, they're all short.

---

Instead of tagging anyone I hereby encourage literally anybody who read this far and who has fic up on AO3 to do it, it's an interesting exercise. For me it's also very funny--I've been posting fic to AO3 since 2012, so with the way these questions are scaled they tend to duck around almost all of my most recent work and hit the older stuff that's been up longer and had more time to accumulate numbers. My AO3 account is a bed of oysters, and these are their little embarrassing pearls.

[xalygatorx]

just an a/n from ao3 about fic comments and messages on death in pink

I’m a little surprised this needs to be said, but I’ve also not discouraged it before now, so some of that’s on me—picking apart a chapter I’ve posted (criticizing it, overanalyzing it, projecting on it, whatever) except to like maybe note a line you liked or something is not conducive to the enthusiasm and joy it takes to continue and ultimately finish what’s essentially a serialized WIP.

Additionally hopping into my Tumblr DMs and getting overfamiliar with me is also a source of discomfort. Asking a question is fine if you don’t want to use an actual “ask” for that, I get it and it’s cool, but anything past that is more than I signed up for. Getting those critiques via DM is, believe it or not, also not great and is somehow more uncomfortable than the AO3 comments described above.

Maybe you think you’re helping. Like fair enough. But it’s not helpful. Please don’t do either. It freaks me out to a degree and adds pressure to something I am doing for fun and posting for fun. 

It’d be different re: the picking apart of actual pull quotes if this were a finished work fully posted but it’s not. Usually when I’ve posted a new chapter, I’ve been working on it up until literal seconds before it shows up in your inbox/bookmarks. Getting those sorts of comments or DMs within minutes of that sort of work is a fucking atrocity to my motivation and mental health because it’s the equivalent of getting the half-digested, chewed-up version of something I spent hours on spat back at me.

The answer isn’t continuing to do as I’ve done and tolerate and maybe unintentionally encourage it by responding and trying to nudge the conversation in a kinder direction (unfortunately). It’s not my job. :’)

I’m a sensitive person, it’s true, but I’m also published and no stranger to criticism…on a finished project that I’ve flung into the ether and have no immediate need to look at ever again if I don’t want to. I’m coming back to this every day, sometimes twice a day, and in the last couple of chapters’ worth of time, I’ve started to dread it. I’ll stop if I keep dreading it, so instead I’m writing a very uncomfortable A/N for the next chapter that I will now have to force myself through drafting. Or I’ll post this by itself. No idea.

I was going to just hide activity from users that this is happening with so only I had to deal with any fallout and didn’t create discomfort for the people causing me discomfort, but knowing what I’m like I’d find a way to read those sorts of things anyway. Honestly, I don’t even know who those comments are for—if they’re for me and meant to dissect what is essentially my ongoing draft in real-time, that’s kind of fucked; and if they’re meant to start a discussion with other readers, that’s cool and all but they come to my inbox and I read every single one.

No one’s called out. No one’s in trouble. Anything prior to this getting posted is off the board. That said, we can chill out and be lighthearted about the things we say from this point or the block button will become my new best friend bc I do want to keep writing this and I don’t have the emotional energy to afford space to people who make me uncomfortable. Especially after I've made my discomfort this (gestures vaguely) abundantly clear.

Anyway. This doesn't apply to the majority of people who have commented, so I also want to acknowledge and appreciate that amidst my boundary barf.

[inkofamethyst]

September 20, 2024

It's not at all that I'm annoyed or frustrated with my advisor. I absolutely trust his judgement over mine right now. I am frustrated with myself. It's like.. I'm really, really trying to prove myself. I want to be good at science, and I think I'm improving, but every time I try to.. demonstrate, like, brilliance or something (and maybe "brilliance" is too egotistical of a word for what I'm trying to say, perhaps "engagement" or even like "ability to analyze, synthesize, and propose scientific thought"), I come out of the conversation having failed entirely. And that failure feels humiliating.

A big part of it is that I feel like the road my PhD is currently on is laid out for me in a way that literally just follows what my postdoc has done for the past few years. I mean, in all fairness, she's done amazing work! I think the methods I plan to use will be excellent for answering relevant questions robustly. I look forward to following in her footsteps, actually. It's just that, like, it feels like cheating? It feels like being given a cheat code, but in a bad way (and like, look, I know that science is iterative and builds on itself and is meant to be replicated, but full replication isn't actually encouraged by scientific culture, regardless of what scientists try to tell themselves). And while it may make my program progression more straightforward, I will always feel like I will exist in the shadow of the person who did this first. And it's honestly not even that I want fame or recognition or whatever. It's literally that I want to be seen as a scientist in my own right. That's all!! That's where the frustrations stem from!!

And if I dig deeper, I'll likely find that it really just stems from insecurity (or course). I feel uncertain, I feel like people are observing me to see if I will fail or fly, if I'm all that my recommenders made me out to be. Part of me recognizes that it's incredibly self-centered and that, ultimately, most people do not care. But I can't seem to help it! I can't seem to help but compare myself to members of my cohort who seem particularly On It as second years ("second" years.. some were research assistants in their labs before starting grad school tbf).

So I try to thoroughly digest primary literature. I make note of all the various methods so I can try to be informed, so I can propose study systems and keep up when others are talking.. but I just can't seem to crack experimental design.

It's also tough when the most recent lab graduate and the next up lab graduate seem brilliant. And when the graduate before them seems brilliant. I just feel devastatingly normal and even a bit out of place because of it.

Also, I spent a number of weeks testing and writing out various ideas for this fellowship I want to apply for and I wasn't sure if any of them were good enough ("good" standing in for several factors), but I'm going to just end up proposing the first thing I wrote: a copy of my postdoc's work but just applied to a different study system, "my" system. So it also feels a little like a waste of time and effort when I could've been basically through a whole draft or two by now instead of trying to be creative, trying to prove that I have what it takes to maybe be brilliant, if not today then one day.

hhhhh at this point I don't even want comfort. I just want to get over myself.

And oreos. I also want to eat just enough oreos that I feel better but not so many that my stomach protests. But I need to eat real food first.

Today I'm thankful that I for some reason decided to look at the microscope schedule to discover that I had fifteen minutes left booked, not an hour and fifteen, as I'd thought. Also thankful that I was able to export my images in just ten minutes (on the flip side, that may be a sign that the images suck ugh). At least my day didn't get worse.

Thankful for my island-friend who is always down for a chat, even one where I just moped the whole time. Thankful for the discord chat's newly-formed Fart Crew ("fiber art crew" bc I threw out a bad idea to get the brainstorm going and everyone rallied behind it (much to my dismay)) and the chat we had a few days ago. I like my friends here but I also miss those guys so much.

[edit: my angst could very well be related to hunger.. need to fuel better]

[thesherrinfordfacility]

yikes. people are so freaking awful and immature sometimes. sorry that happened and don't let that deter you from sharing all your thoughts and insights. even if people disagree with it there's something called etiquette

i love it when people disagree with me!!! that's the thing - when someone comes to me with a counterpoint or alternative perspective on a line/scene/action, i do genuinely take a second to see if i can interpret it the same way? and there have been multiple times where it's happened!!! christ, going back through my old metas, my opinion and analysis has changed so much, because of amazing and intelligent people talking to me about their thoughts, and are such good ones that it alters my way of thinking!!!

idk why the lack of etiquette still continues to surprise me, it absolutely shouldn't and i need to stop being so naive about it. unfortunately for me, a couple of the blogs on that post are ones that post their own metas that i genuinely love and think are great works - and yet, if i don't agree with them, i will either keep it to myself, talk about it privately, or on a very rare occasion rb with what i hope is a polite argument. my issue is that i expect others to have the self level of awareness or niceness, or even plain politeness, and that's my failing. i was originally upset about it, then angry, and now it's just funny to me.

thank you for your message, anon, it's very kind of you and i really appreciate it. i had about three other things saved in the drafts that i wanted to post, and a few asks in the inbox talking about other really cool things, but this whole thing has now made me so self-conscious that im reluctant to even consider posting? so your encouragement is very welcome, even if it might take a few days for me to feel brave enough to do it. thanks again💕

[milhspears-wild-academy-hcs]

Sorry that I've posted nothing. I tried to schedule a series of posts where I go through the playstyle of each of Wild's benched players, but Tumblr drafts failed me and they have been wiped out of this timeline. Whooops??

Today I'm not feeling bummed out, so let's talk about Steve Eagle! The number 7 in this team! Owashi, for the japanese-loving folk. Honestly, although it's probably for fashion, I like to think he can pull his hoodie down to hide his face and look through the goggles! Probably something he would do once he gets real, I think it fits him due to the role he plays.

What a player! He plays in the middlefield, having remarkable dribbling skills and having decentish speed, although not nearly as fast as Cheetah or Mouse. Just like the rest of the team, his jumps pack a lot of power. Noow, despite being on the midfield, he's an AGGRESSIVE midfielder! Meaning that he, more often than not, joins into the offense together with the fowards. I imagine he acts as a playmaker, making pride of the number 7 on his back. Has a keen sight, swooping though any gaps in the defense of the enemy team, giving instructions to his teammates and, overall, acting as Cheeta's right hand.

Want to know something curious? It's stated that his special technique, Condor Dive, it's a difficult hissatsu to master. This is due to the combination of the jump power required to perform the technique, but also the ability to actually, well, land the header. In case of failing, Eagle falls to the floor at high speeds- No need to explain the origin of his scars now, right?

Although not very powerful against experienced goalkeepers, we DO know know he uses this in combination with Gorila's Tarzan Kick to change the trajectory of the shot and catch the enemy by surprise! Given how chain shots work in this series, it's fair to assume that this combination is actually stronger than it seems.

Noow! Time for my quick-fire round of HCs!

He has a favoritism for passing to and making plays with Cheetah. He knows he's reliable! Eagle is a player from 2nd year, meaning that he was in the team when Cheetah was the captain, and his strategies involuntarily (and voluntarily) tend to involve him the most.

After losing to Raimon, Cheetah tried to convince Gorila, Lion, Boar AND Racoon (Not Bullford) to try to dominate the Inazuma Otoshi themselves, but was turned down by all of them. (Specially by Racoon) Eagle encouraged him however, telling that he could dominate the technique by himself without need of another player to act as a platform (He already dominates Dynamite Shot) He has been training his overhead volleys since even harder, and Eagle keeps trying to bring out the absolute best out of him.

Although Condor Dive is his signature technique, he aims higher than that! He's practicing Hawk Shot AND Eagle Buster! Performing these with Gorila to throw him high up, and with Chicken tagging along for the second.

Although unable to dominate Cheetah's high-speed dribbling, he has managed to learn Whirlwind Cut as a dribble tehnique, but after watching the rest of the Football Frontier he has attempted to use Illusion Ball ONCE. He goes up the field steadily.

Him, Charmeleon and Panda are considered the pretty boys of Wild Academy, although Charmeleon has more fans and recieves more support than the other two.

[yesireadbooks]

Writer Questions Tag

This is gonna be loonggg... haha. Thank you @starbuds-and-rosedust for the tag!

Gently tagging: @the-chaotic-writer @holdmyteaplease @enne-uni @ashwithapen and an open tag for you!

1) What motivates you to write?

Ok, this is a very philosophical one. I've always had a lot of stories but never the right audience to tell them. So, I began to write. This was an on and off thing going on for a while and was basically a thing I did during holidays. But, now that school is a bit easier and the work load lighter, I can start telling my stories. So, whilst the need to tell my stories is one motivation, I also want to write something which would leave an imprint on the reader(s). Something that would either someone finds relatable or opens up someone's perspective.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

Ooof, so, there is this one opening I'm in love with. Mainly cuz it attacks me haha. This is from Experiment 615.

Word on the streets is that if you see a scientist and a policeman together, you are either the next experiment, or the last one is near you. But no one thought of a story for when five policemen, two scientists and ten soldiers and two army generals arrive at the Chromia State High School. So, here is one.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

This one undoubtably goes to Hoshito, whom you might already know cuz I rant about her like a lot. She is a toddler, speaks only Japanese and an adopted child following the death of her parents during a car crash (I'm sorry, little one). She is so adorable and sometimes instead of writing, I just keep smiling at my screen.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

This is a quite hard one; I've never thought about it. But now that I did, I think my favourite part is reading through the second or third draft, which would ideally be the best version of my wip.

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Ouch, this one hurts my self-depreciating personality. I think I am good at conveying emotions via psychiatric reactions. That is becuz I tend to find ways to info dump in my wips and this is the way I info dump Psychiatry. That helps me write some realistic foreshadowing as well as maybe comical hints.

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I love the engagement and encouragement of the community. Because, after my English Teacher, this is the only community that has actually said something good about my writing. Academic and Fictional.

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I find notepad very very useful in my writing. I use LibreOffice Writer for normal writing but sometimes when I have only sketch ideas, or poems, I first write it in notepad and then, cross edit with multiple tabs open.

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Ooohh, now I won't bombard you with this, I have @scalmropia for that, but I will rant about the royal attire I made for the Monarch and Princess Admiral.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

This is something I often tell myself. Take a moment and do something else, like maybe draw an OC or make a map or maybe even do something crazy like writing a national anthem or an army skit. That way, you can help yourself immerse more in the wip(s) while also reducing the pressure. Personally, doing this has made me think up better character dynamics, flow of story and even some new pre/sequel or unrelated wips.

Also, try unrelated short stories and poetry. That helps to stretch and loosen you brain muscles (not literally haha) and in the long run, help with your main writing.

Also, doing something else also might push you for balancing wips and other creatives. It did that to me.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

Well, it goes without question that @holdmyteaplease is my biggest supporter while @enne-uni @sanbukk3t @anonymousfoz @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @starbuds-and-rosedust are some of my biggest supporters. Thank you so much y'all, much love and appreciation! Then when I comes to people whose works, I love, I cannot stress this enough, I LOVE ALL OF YOUR (plural) WORKS.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk..!

Clean question set under the cut

1) What motivates you to write?

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

[mwezina]

Author Questionnaire Tag Game

I was tagged by @ladyniniane. Thank you for tagging me! I learned so much more about you and it was really interesting! We should definitely swap manuscripts at some point.

About me

When did you start writing?

I started writing at 11 or 12, whenever grade 6 was. I started writing a fantasy with me and my friends as the main characters, facing down some unknown threat (that I still never figured out). I was a Mary Sue of course, but that was actually a lot of fun.

Are there genres/themes you enjoy reading different to the ones you write?

I love reading fantasy and I love writing fantasy. I abhor sci-fi, but a lot of my writing has sci-fi elements. I think I also like writing romances, but I actually kind of dislike reading romance. I find most romances too contrived, but crafting them myself is rather interesting.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

I really like Neil Gaiman's writing. There's a very nice flow to it, and I love the way he describes things. There's a fluidity and structure to his writing that I really hope to emulate.

Lionel Shriver is another writer that I find absolutely fascinating. Her character work and introspective tone were pretty groundbreaking for me as a teen, and they encourage me to seek the deepest and darkest parts of my characters and bring them out, not just allude to them.

I absolutely love Alice Munro's writing (current scandal aside). There's a quietness and a horror to the mundane in her writing that I would love to capture. But I think you need to live a certain kind of life to write with so much insight, and yet so much silence.

Finally, I hope to write not in the style of Stephen King, but in the way that he writes. I want to write clean, write fast, and write without looking back.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space?

I write mostly at my computer, but sometimes on my phone. I find I do my best first drafts in transit--whether that's the airport, on a plane, or on the bus. For second and third drafts, I need to be parked somewhere quiet, or a place where the ambient noise does not stand out to me in any way.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

I kinda just force myself to write, haha. I do camp nanowrimo in the summer, so I have a certain "quota" to meet each day, then I set my alarm on 1-hour intervals and write away.

As I keep writing, I find I don't need a muse. I just go.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Absolutely. My background as an immigrant and feeling connected to two different places comes through in my work a lot. Characters frequently feel torn, and are stuck between worlds.

Also, I've been reading a lot of afrofantasy and afrofuturism, which use African mythology and ruling structures to inform the setting instead of European myths and ruling structures. I wanted to do something similar with my cultural background, both my home country and my current country.

Are there any recurring themes of your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

I think many of the themes I deal with are acceptance, relinquishing power, gaining knowledge, etc. But I don't know if these are lifelong themes or not.

I think for right now, it doesn't surprise me. I've dealt with some recent losses, and before that, I've had a life where everything was about gaining power, privilege, and prestige. So it makes sense that I'm exploring acceptance of loss and giving away power.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favourite character?

Oof. I think characters I've made that I love are not necessarily characters who have the most compelling stories. I really like my character, Samantha, the protagonist of my last novel, Hydrogen Bonds. I think her motivations are solid, and her relationships interesting. She also has a very strong voice and is rather well-rounded. However, the story itself had many issues, and I was unable to structure it in a way I liked. I think part of it is because the character itself was too strong. I don't really do well at character exploration stories, so I think such a lovely character was wasted on me, haha.

Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

Herm. That is... An excellent question. Probably Lucy, from the same novel? She's headstrong and loyal. Someone that I can see myself getting along with.

Also, I guess Derui, from my current novel. She's kind of a throwaway character, but she's kind of modelled after my real-life childhood friend, so we'd better get along, haha.

Which of your characters would you dislike most if you met them?

The protagonist of my current novel, Lunai, or her rival, Haiming. Those two are insufferable, with each other and without. So much pride and self-involvement.

Tell me more about the process of coming up with your characters.

I don't really think too hard about my characters. I just write the story, and the right people populate it. Many of my characters are composites of people I have encountered in my life. I try to make all my characters relatable with glimmers of humanity. I don't believe in making irredeemable villains. They must be understandable, at least to themself. So I try to shy away from drawing inspiration on people I absolutely abhor.

My protagonists are usually different versions of myself. Like what type of person would I be if I was more headstrong. Or what kind of life would I lead if I had followed all the expectations others had of me and never questioned it until now? That kind of thing.

Characters used to be more "real" to me, and I would treat them all like real people. But I've recently started to treat all aspects of my stories as tools to the story, including the characters.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

My protagonists so far have all identify as women. Their journey is all about accepting loss or purposefully losing something they once considered important. I think my protagonists are pretty growth driven.

How do you picture your characters?

I used to try to find reference pictures for my characters, but now I just kind of think about which physical traits will be important for the story. Otherwise, I don't really think too hard about how they look.

My Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

I write because I like reading back on what I've written, haha. Like, there's this story I really want to read, and it doesn't exist exactly how I want it to, so I just write it.

I do hope for more people to read my stories, but so far just have my friends and partner read it has been pretty fulfilling.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I think I just like hearing about people's opinions on my story. I love it when friends tell me what they think is going to happen next, and I can see that my foreshadowing has paid off. I also like it when my readers ask me details about the setting and their thoughts on it. Usually, their thoughts are way better than what I had in mind, or things I hadn't considered at all!

So having readers be so immersed in the story, that they are speculating on the setting, the characters, and the plot is really fulfilling to me.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

Oof. I'm not really sure.

I guess I want them to see part of myself? What they see is really up to them.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think my structure is pretty solid. I think my writing itself has pretty good flow. My readers all call my novels as "page turners" and they couldn't put it down. But I think the midpoint can be hard to navigate, because a few readers stopped reading at the midpoint. They say they just don't want to see bad things happen, because they can feel it. But... You know.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I think I am learning to write cleaner and faster. I personally enjoy reading my writing, so that's a win to me.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Yup. If I were the last person on earth, I'd have to tell my stories. No one else will at that point.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

I write purely things I like. That's probably not good for trying to get published one day, but it's okay. I wouldn't mind fixing up my stories or taking them apart and putting it back together for a more compelling story. The inception itself though, I always write what I care about. If it's not for me, I probably won't be able to write it, haha.

I tag @derelictdichotomy, @saccharine-azure, @watertankafternoon, @aqsparkle, and @butchcraftmacncheese

This was a lot of fun, though kinda intense. So no pressure!

[the-eyes-of-andyserkis]

"Bringin' Home the Rain" Chapter 5 progress update + some WIPs, why not!

Klaue

"Bringin' Home the Rain" - Chapter 5 - Foundations

It's definitely still a ways off from being finished, but progress is being made! I'm happy to say that it's pretty much all on the page, so to speak, and is also already just over 6k as a rough draft with plenty of filling out to be done, so it will easily be the longest chapter. And it's pretty well, uhh, all smut. 🥴

At any rate, there's no set date for this yet but at least I can really get going with the "macro" edit!

"Salvation is a Deep Dark Well" - Part two of the BHTR series

We're definitely not done after chapter five! I realized pretty early on after starting to rework this that Klaue and Reader were going to keep at it (😉), but rather than add more chapters to what is now "part one", it felt like it made more sense to create a separate fic since there will likely be a small time jump, and it'll be spread over a longer period of time as they continue to get up to ✨️shenanigans✨️.

"Find Me in the Air" - Part three of the BHTR series

I'm planning on this essentially being a sort of extended epilogue (and I do basically know how this will end). While it's still rough at this point, it will definitely be at least three parts/chapters, like a series of one shots over an even longer period of time before I wrap things up.

"Hiding From the Sun" - sub!Klaue one-shot

Self explanatory. 😉 *raises eyebrows aggressively* Also, shout out to The Next Big Franchise discord for, uh, awakening something in me/us. 😈

Alfred Pennyworth

As yet untitled Alfred x F Reader series

Set in "The Batman" universe

This one keeps changing it's damn shape on me, and the title continues to elude me, but I think I've settled on a sort of "established relationship" series. Maybe. 😂 Either way, I'm not going to settle on a specific number of chapters at this point, as I feel like this may be more open-ended. Listen, I have thots and they need to go somewhere, so I'll figure it out eventually!

"Lotus" - Yoga Instructor AU Alfred x F Reader one-shot

Inspired by the lovely @tarabyte3's AU PT!Kino idea! ❤️ Also by going to my first class in ages and after internally debating for about two seconds which Andy blorbo would make a good yoga instructor before immediately realizing that Alfred would be perfect.

Alfred started exploring yoga to help with his injury and enjoyed and appreciated it so much that he started teaching. You're taken aback by the handsome, and older, new instructor who's very much outside of the usual demographic, and when he starts offering private sessions you nervously sign up.

This will be either one or two parts, we'll see how it shakes out!

"Fealty" (working title) - Arthurian Legend inspired AU Alfred x F OC series

I just got inspiration for this one yesterday! Plot twist: Alfred is the Lord/King and OC is a Knight (so is Bruce, of course), and in this universe both women and men are Knights. I'm lightly planning for this to be three to five chapters at this point, but again this is very new and liable to change. Mutual pining, forbidden love, slow burn, all that good stuff.

I'm making a list of some books and movies for research, and if anyone has recommendations for some universe-building inspiration, I'm open to suggestions!

Damn, five months ago I had no idea I'd actually be almost finished my first fic in years (and first multi-chapter fic, period), let alone have a list of WIPs/ideas! Thank you to everyone who has commented and encouraged me thus far, it's means more than you know. 🥰

Header by me | Divider by @saradika.