Sorry art's slowed down as of late, starting grad school has sucked up a lot of time. Thanks for sticking around despite it all 💖
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Personal -
Sometimes (well, often really) I just wish I wasn't such a fucking emotional support person. Always falling into that role of swallowing my on anxiety and exhaustion and being that Very Calm in Crisis person who does the emotional labour for anyone who dumps it on me.
I'm so jealous to people (and especially a family member) who have the natural talent of not giving a shit and no-one even expects that after a while. Is it possible to learn that? I'd really like to learn that.
Edit: is it no wonder I find such solace in writing fic someone else being that calm-in-crisis type. Or, someone being that and then being given a place to crumble in.
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Reasons My Sister just gave for me needing therapy:
We have the same parents and she's in therapy
I have clinical anxiety and depression
we are at uni so it's free right now
My last 2 therapists just fucked me up more (have you considered apologising to your abuser)(you can't have ADHD, you have goood grades)(I know you said you had religious trauma but here's a prayer I want you to recite)
I am dealing with the crushing weight of existing in a country actively trying to start WWIII and funding everything from invasions and occupations to genocide
If you get more fucked up therapists, you can report them and get their licence revoked
Reasons I don't want to go to therapy:
I already fucking went and every single time they asked me what they were supposed to do since I was already psychoanalysing myself and everyone else around me at all times (that was the problem)
Talk therapy won't prevent WWIII
Therapists are not trained how to talk to people with high masking autism
I spend all my energy every day just getting through uni
My main problem right now is that I am coming to terms with the fact that I have a bunch of old people disorders so I'm basically 20 yr old software running on 70yr old hardware
I don't want another person telling me how strong I am for being alive. I'm tired of having to be strong just to live
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grief is strange. i don’t remember the last time I felt this tired
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Current stressed brain status: I have a new OC almost completely unrelated to anything I've posted/reblogged on here and I rather like her and the queer relationship she ends up in.
However, the idea of eventually posting anything I've drafted terrifies me (that fandom has 81k entries on AO3 💀). I sure as hell didn't expect it to suddenly take over my brain after a long hiatus, but here we are.
It's been a long long long time since I've dwelt on an OC for a fictional universe that doesn't really have OCs, hence my vagueposting here. I guess I just wanted to say that I'm still creating even if I'm hardly saying anything about it~
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hey y’all i’ve been struggling a bit mentally lately
non stop scrolling on my phone, not sleeping, just very depressed…
it’s been extra hard to be present here or irl so please be patient with me (just like in general not even with messages or anything specific) i just need a little tenderness right now
i’ve just been feeling so incredible ~off~ somehow the past few weeks, and continues snowstorms and gloom are not helping at all
if y’all can send a little love my way i’d appreciate it very much 🥺💕
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Did not expect to come out of the barbie movie with a new go-to sad song but here we are
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Reasons I avoid talking places like forums or stream chats:
Person A: i am looking for this thing.
Me: oh! I found it, here (dumb brain is excited for helping and wants tiny acknowledgement)
Person b: 'deletes post' you can't post that here! That site is bad.
Me:????? how should i know????
But basically the only experience I've had trting to talk in any spaces like that. I just want to be helpful but end up with slaps on the wrist. Reason I stay silent most places.
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I would pay a million dollars to go to bed now and have this day be over
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