#just that I’m personally sick of him doing stupid crap even though he has improved a lot over the years

[magic-can]

MR. ENTER TURNED OFF COMMENTS ON HIS TURNING RED REVIEW LMAO

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol. 4 Sakamaki Subaru [Track 3]

Original title: 想うがゆえに

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 4 Sakamaki Subaru

Audio: Here [Original & Adjusted pitch version available]

Seiyuu: Takashi Kondou

Translator’s note: Subaru’s gentle side at the very end of this track had me MELT. So far, he is doing a better job at keeping his composure than I thought. He even went to consult Reiji even though he obviously doesn’t enjoy asking his older brothers for help!! I don’t mean to excuse any of the behavior these boys show in HDB and some of the early era CDs, but they can be such sweethearts in more recent installments. ;w; I want a boyfriend who looks after me like this tbh.

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 3: Because I Love You

“ーーUgh!!”

*THUD*

“This crap’s in the damn way! Who left their shit layin’ ‘round here!?”

You run up to Subaru.

“...! You...What are you doin’ here?”

You seem worried about his behavior.

[00:17] “I only moved it ‘cause it was in the way. Don’t make a fuss. ...Anyway, a sick person shouldn’t be wanderin’ ‘round. Get back to your room and rest up already.”

You reluctantly leave.

*TIMESKIP*

*Knock knock*

“...Aah!? Who is it?”

You answer.

“Tsk...”

Subaru opens the door for you.

[00:58] “...I believe I told you to stay put in your own room? Do you have any idea of your current condition? You’ve barely been able to attend classes since then. When you keep bein’ so reckless with your own health...it pisses me off.”

You tell him you’re here because you’re worried.

“You came to check up on me ‘cause you realized I’ve been in a bad mood? Hah! Digustin’.”

You approach Subaru. 

“Hah? What do you want? Back off.”

You offer your blood.

[01:37] “Hah? No thank you. You really think I’m gonna suck your blood in your current condition?”

You insist.

“You came ‘cause you want your blood sucked? Under any other circumstances, I’d applaud you.”

You tell him that having some blood might improve his mood.

“I’m not upset ‘cause I haven’t had blood in a while. Besides, you’re talkin’ as if goin’ without blood for a lil’ while is that big of a deal. I wreck stuff all the time, don’t I?”

You wonder if it’s maybe because he has been holding himself back.

“I haven’t been holdin’ back...! I justーー ...Ugh...Whatever. Just go back already.”

You beg again.

[02:22] “...Che! ‘I’m begging you’...? Why are you so persistent? Haah...Fuck... (mutters under his breath) You don’t even know how I feel... ーー Will you be happy once I suck your blood?”

You nod.

“You’ll return to your room and behave, right?”

You promise.

“Haah...Don’t blame me if you faint on me. ...Anyway, come in.”

You enter the room.

[03:00] “Hah...I honestly didn’t think you were this stubborn. I’ll suck your blood ‘cause you keep on bein’ nosy, but don’t expect it to last long. The neck...Probably isn’t the best idea right now. I’ll suck from your fingertip instead. Show me.”

*Rustle*

Subaru bites your finger.

*Gulp gulp*

“...Mph!? ...Haah, haah...What was that just now?”

You frown.

[03:40] “Your blood tastes...different. Is it ‘cause there’s somethin’ wrong with your heart? ...Che! This is exactly why I was opposed to this idea!”

You seem hurt.

“...What!?”

You tell him to have some more.

Subaru: …Hah? Whatever, just rest up for now. We can talk later.

You continue to voice your concerns.

"Did you not hear me!? I don’t give a damn ‘bout that right now!”

You frown.

[04:11] “Haah…What’s wrong with you? Your heart’s seriously fucked up, it’s even altering the taste of your blood, yet the thing that worries you is that it’s no longer ‘special’…!? Just how stupid are you!? That shit doesn’t matter at aー… Ugh…Che…Argh!!”

*THUD*

"Haah, haah…That side of you really does piss me off.”

Subaru leaves the room.

*TIMESKIP*

[05:01] “...Oi! I’m comin’ in!”

Subaru enters your room.

“Heh. Looks like you’re bein’ a good girl and restin’ up today, huh?”

You ask why he isn’t at school.

“Hah? I skipped. You’re stayin’ home too, so you’re in no position to talk. ...My bad for interruptin’ your sleep but we’re headin’ out. Get ready.”

You tilt your head to the side, asking where you’re headed.

“You’ll see when we get there. Now just come with me.”

*TIMESKIP*

[05:42] “What are you doin’...? Hurry up. ...Are we surprised I took you to the Demon World? It’s not like you’ve never been here before, is it? We’re at my family’s castle as well, so no need to be so wary. ーー Come on, follow me.”

The two of you continue walking.

*TIMESKIP*

[06:08] “...Seems like it’s been kept clean. This is your room. Make yourself at home. Tell me if there’s anythin’ you want. I’ll have it arranged.”

You seem confused. 

“What?”

You ask him why you are here.

“...What do you mean ‘why’? ...I figured to give you some peace and quiet time, the Demon World would work best. You can barely get any proper rest at that manor ‘cause of all those noisy pests runnin’ ‘round, right?”

*Rustle*

[06:43] “I consulted Reiji yesterday night. ...About your condition. That’s when he told me that making sure you keep calm to avoid any additional strain on your heart should be my top priority right now. But I can’t imagine that Ayato and Kanato will listen even if we were to explain that to them. That’s when I had the idea to bring you here instead. Those guys would rather choke than set foot inside this place after all.”

You smile.

“...Ah. Why do you seem so happy?”

You thank him for his kindness.

[07:22] “...!! No need to thank me. ...Anyway, stop standin’ there and lie down already! I just told you we came here so you could get some rest, didn’t I?”

You lie down on the bed.

*Rustle*

“How’s your heart right now? You feel fine?”

You nod.

“Ah...I see.”

Subaru takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

“...My bad for what happened yesterday.”

You tilt your head to the side.

[08:00] “I said a bunch of mean things to you...even though you were feelin’ unwell, remember? How should I put it...I just got irritated thinking of you...Ah! D-Don’t take that the wrong way! I don’t mean it as in I got mad or fed up with you! ...I’m just worried. There’s obviously someting wrong with your body right now. I confirmed that yesterday. When I start thinking about that, I just can’t seem to calm myself down.”

You ask if he is worried. 

“I’ve been sayin’ that this whole time, haven’t I? Do you really think I’d go through the trouble of bringin’ you here if I wasn’t at least a lil’ worried?”

You seem relieved.

“...Ah?”

You admit that you were worried he had grown tired of you.

“Haahー!? Why would you think that!?”

You refer to yesterday when he stopped drinking your blood. 

[09:03] “...I didn’t stop drinkin’ your blood yesterday ‘cause I didn’t enjoy the taste of it. It’s not ‘cause I dislike you now or anythin’ either...If I suck your blood, your condition might worsen, right? That’s why I didn’t want to have any. ーー Anyway, were you so fixated on the whole blood thing ‘cause you were scared I no longer liked you? You were really goin’ on ‘bout it no longer bein’ special and all...”

You nod.

“Hah! Ridiculous...”

You puff out your cheeks.

[09:42] “Aah, I know, I know! ...Come on, a sick person shouldn’t make a fuss. But really...Hah. It really is stupid.”

*Rustle*

*Smooch*

“...How on earth could I ever hate you? ...Well, I won’t deny that you grind my gears at times. But you make me happy far more often.”

You smile.

[10:14] “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you smile like that. ...Haah, I’m sure you’re most worried about your own condition. For now, I’ll try askin’ Reiji for advice again in the morning. He promised me he’d look into what could be causin’ this, so he might have found somethin’ by now. I don’t like havin’ to rely on that guy, but I guess it can’t be helped if it’s for your sake. Let’s make sure you get better soon. It’s no fun seein’ you all weakened like this.”

You nod.

*TIMESKIP*

“ーー You’re useless! Whatever!”

Subaru bursts out the room.

[11:12] “Che...Reiji, that bastard! He hasn’t found anytin’ useful, yet he keeps on givin’ me these lectures! Why hasn’t he figured out what’s causin’ it or how to cure it...!? ーー Tsk! I wasn’t bein’ serious when I said it’d be great if I could simply replace her heart but...Do I really have no other choice but to pin my hopes on some made-up story? But if there’s really no other way...”

*TIMESKIP*

Subaru enters the castle.

[11:51] ( When I returned to the castle after that disappointment, I found her asleep in her room. It was obvious she had been sleeping more frequently, and for longer periods of time. Just thinking about what that might mean...Breaks my spirit. )

He walks to the side of your bed and takes a seat.

*Rustle*

“Haah...”

[12:22] ( Only a few days have passed since her heart’s condition has been off, but her arms, fingers and even neck have been visibly getting thinner. This wouldn’t happen from simply feeling a little under the weather. It’s all happening way too fast. )

“I don’t think I have the time to weigh my options. ...I know it’s nothin’ but a stupid fairytale, but I guess it’s worth a shot...”

*TIMESKIP*

You wake up.

[12:22] “...Hm? You’re awake?”

You ask if he went to see Reiji. 

“Yeah. I hope you stayed in bed while I was away? Well, I guess you’re in no condition to walk ‘round right now...”

You ask if Reiji found anything.

“Aah. Reiji said he hasn’t quite figured it out either. It was a big waste of time! He did promise to try and make some kind of medicine, but I’m not very hopeful.”

You frown.

[13:47] “Say...I don’t like sayin’ this when I only just got back but...Do you mind if I head out again? It might...take a while this time. I’m honestly worried ‘bout leavin’ you behind in your current state but well...There’s Familiars present at the castle and I’ll make sure to ask Reiji to check up on you every now and then as well. He’s annoyin’, but I guess it’s better than bein’ all by yourself.”

You wonder where he is going.

“I’m...going to look for a certain something.”

You tilt your head to the side.

[14:28] “I can’t say anythin’ more right now. I don’t even know if it actually exists. You just have some faith in me and wait here...’Kay?”

*Rustle*

“I’m sorry...”

Subaru embraces you.

“...I promise to find a cure somehow. ..No matter what.”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[whumpmatsus]

Why hello there new blog. 👀 I shall watch with interest. Would it be fine to ask for Karamatsu with a bad stomachache/similar?

hehe, I hope you enjoy watching!

and YES of course! God I'm such a Karamatsu girl 😩

We've got some of everything here, I think? Oops All Matsus! XD ... but the Choukeimatsu is definitely strong in this one haha

enjoooooy! <3

-

It’s kind of a given that in a house with six brothers in close quarters, anything one of them catches is going to end up running its way through all of them.

It’s… less of a given that Karamatsu is going to be the one who recovers last.

Most of the time he’s the first one to push through it, seemingly via sheer power of will because he wants to take care of the others. Or, at least, he’s not usually the one still down for the count when everyone else is on the mend.

This time around, he’s been curled up on the couch since all of them woke up this morning. They’re all feeling fine, while he’s apparently still feeling like crap.

He’s set himself up with a wastebasket nearby and he’s refused everything his brothers have tried to shove down his throat ― water, food, even medicine is turned away. They all might think he’s just being stubborn if not for the fact that he’s so clearly still sick. Regardless, they’ve stopped trying to offer since they know he isn’t going to take any of it.

As far as Karamatsu himself is concerned, if whatever sickness he’s got is going to kill him, he wishes it would hurry up and do so already. He doesn’t know how much more he can take. There’s an uncomfortable, cramping heat in his belly that’s constantly threatening to flip into something much worse. He’s been vomiting for a couple days now, on and off, like the rest of his brothers. Unlike them, however, it hasn’t gotten much better for him.

He tries so hard to be cool and unbothered. This is starting to worry him, though. How come everyone else is back to normal while he continues to struggle not to puke at the mere thought of plain rice?

For as much as Totty claims to hate germs, the youngest has been camping out next to the couch most of the morning, playing on his phone. It affords Karamatsu a view of the games Totty’s playing and the videos he’s watching; distractions as he tries to keep himself from tossing what little there is left to toss in his stomach. He isn’t sure whether or not Totty planned it that way, just that he’s grateful for something else to focus on other than the unbearable nausea.

“Heyyyy, Karamatsu-nii-san,” he suddenly speaks up, holding the phone closer to his miserable older brother’s line of sight. “What do you think of this pretty girl? Is her dress the right color for winter? It’s cute, but, I don’t know… I think maybe she would have looked better in blue…”

Now, Karamatsu isn’t sure what it is about the video clip Totty is showing him. It might be the bright lights in the background, or it might be the twirling motions the woman on the screen is making. Or, quite frankly, it might be nothing at all, since he feels so horrible.

But only a few seconds after he squints at the video clip, his stomach rebels against something. Although he wants to reply to his dearest younger brother, the second he parts his lips to give a clever retort, he feels his stomach clench. Saliva pools in his mouth, and he quickly raises a hand up to his face.

He swallows once. Twice. Three times. He tries to take a breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth like Choromatsu taught him. Nothing helps, because he ends up gagging anyway.

Immediately Totty yelps and launches himself away from the sofa. All the noise, particularly Karamatsu’s heaving, catches the attention of the rest of the sextuplets. Soon enough, someone has hurried over to hold the wastebasket beneath him, and someone else is using what feels like all their strength to help prop him over it so he doesn’t miss.

A brief glance up reveals that the one holding him is Jyushimatsu ― of course, he’s the most coordinated of them all ― and Choromatsu is playing trashcan jockey. Karamatsu’s head swims again, and that small motion is all that’s needed for his stomach to protest again. He retches a few times before whatever is left, which can’t be much at this point, splatters into the can.

“Totty!” he can hear Choromatsu scolding the youngest. “W-what the hell was that for?!”

“What was what for?!” Totty retorts. “I was trying to cheer him up! It’s not my fault!”

Ichimatsu snickers from his spot in the corner. “Che, so you made Shittymastu sick by trying to help. Sounds about right for you.”

“Excuse me?! You take that back or I’ll post that video of you being a drunk asshole online so everyone can laugh at my big, dumb brother!”

“HEY!” It’s Osomatsu who quiets the entire room with one sharp word. He’s knelt next to the couch, one hand trying to keep Karamatsu’s hair out of his face. “Would you guys all shut the fuck up? For God’s sakes, let the poor bastard puke in peace! The last thing he needs is to hear you douches arguing while he’s giving the trashcan a new coat of paint!”

For his part, Karamatsu appreciates his older brother standing up for him when he’s unable to do so himself. It’s just a little hard to convey that when his body is trying to bring up everything he’s eaten ever in his life.

It hurts, too. The sensation in his stomach is tight now, painful like there’s a knife stuck in his middle. Every gag makes a stabbing, all-over pain spiderweb through his whole body. As if he’s made of porcelain and something is repeatedly making cracks.

Finally he thinks it should be over, because nothing else is coming up. He shudders and heaves and it doesn’t produce anything other than an uncomfortable ache in his throat. Honesty, his entire body is aching now.

He lets out a few ragged breaths before slumping back onto the sofa, predictably pulled into a more-careful-than-usual Jyushimatsu hug. “It’s okay, Karamatsu-nii-san! I’ve got you!!”

“Aaah.” Karamatsu lifts his hand and places it, shaking, on his little brother’s head to praise him for a job well done. “Jyushimatsu… I’ll leave it to you… to tell my Karamatsu girls… I loved them…”

He hears Ichimatsu scoff. “You should be more worried that you were puking without puking than your nonexistent fangirls, you dumbass.”

“Yeah, that was weird,” Osomatsu agrees. “You heard that too, Ichimatsu?”

“Mhm. It almost made me want to hurl again.”

“Yeah… he should be better by now. I mean, we’re all fine. And he hasn’t been eating, so it’s not like there’s anything left in there. What’s his stupid body trying to throw up? His Goddamn kidneys?”

Karamatsu hears Choromatsu groan. “Oh, my God, you guys are disgusting!” When Karamatsu looks up, the third eldest is hovering over him with a concerned expression. “Ah… they… might be right, though. Karamatsu-nii-san… you’re just as sick as we all were at the beginning of this. It doesn’t seem like you’ve improved like we have. How… do you feel now? Any better since you threw up?”

He tries to laugh. It comes out sounding more like a sob, though. “N… no…” It feels like even too deep a breath will tip the scale on his nausea and cause another avalanche. “I’m… I’m dizzy… it still hurts.”

“A-ah, gosh…” Choromatsu’s hand sets lightly against Karamatsu’s cheek, then neck, and if his face is any indicator, he doesn’t like what he feels. “You’ve… still got a fever. And you’re sweating and lightheaded and… still throwing up. Shit.”

He moves his hand to gently card through his big brother’s hair as if trying to reassure him. “Karamatsu-nii-san… d-do you think you could make it to the doctor? If we helped you?”

That’s not an idea he enjoys entertaining. Having to get up off the couch, bundle up in a coat, ride the train… it sounds so exhausting. He’s already tired. But… if Choromatsu is even bringing it up, he must think it’s a better idea than Karamatsu continuing to try and recover on the couch.

He manages a nod. “Sure… sure, if you help me.”

“Great.” Choromatsu straightens up and heads for the door. “I’ll go call the office and see if they can get you an appointment today. If they can, I’ll go with you, and…” He surveys the rest of the room. “… I’d prefer at least onemore person go with us, just in case.”

“Yeah, I’ll go, no problem.” The eldest’s voice is one Karamatsu didn’t expect to hear, though maybe he should have. Osomatsu is still lingering on the floor next to him, taking the spot where Totty was, and, now that Karamatsu thinks about it, he can feel his older brother gently rubbing his shoulder. “… Do you think maybe we should try to force him to drink something, too? You can’t survive without water, right?”

Choromatsu sighs; not necessarily because it’s one more thing to add to the list, but it sounds like he’s just worried. He probably doesn’t want to force one of his brothers to do anything ― especially one of his big brothers, and especially when said big brother is already so sick. “I mean… yeah, it’s not good that he hasn’t had anything to drink today, and not much in the last few days. Throwing up so much is probably making him dehydrated… which, stupidly enough, can make him throw up more.”

Osomatsu hums in thought and gives Karamatsu’s shoulder a small squeeze to get his attention. “Hey, Karamatsu. Do you think you could handle some tea?”

“Really weak tea,” Choromatsu hurries to clarify. “You’re not supposed to drink anything too intense after throwing up.”

Karamatsu shuts his eyes in a desperate bid to avoid the worried, pleading faces of his brothers looking back at him. Just thinking about anything going into his body and sliding down his throat right now makes his stomach swirl viciously.

He feels Jyushimatsu hug him a little tighter, which doesn’t help matters. “Aww, please, Karamatsu-nii-san! You can drink some tea for your little brother, right? Riiiiight?”

A groan is what he gets in response, though the giggling suggests he isn’t too broken up about it.

His hair is brushed back, and stroked through a few times. “Well,” Osomatsu says softly, “how about for your big brother, then?”

After a moment of thought, Karamatsu lets out a whimper, leaning his head closer that way in an obvious attempt for more affection. “I… suppose I do only have one older brother, after all…”

He hears Choromatsu chuckle by the door. “Good, good. I’ll make some, then. We’ll try not to make you drink too much… and… I’ll call the doctor while I boil water for it. Hopefully they can fit you in. In the meantime, just, um… try to rest, alright?”

At the very least, he doesn’t have to tell Karamatsu twice. The second eldest relaxes, keeping his eyes shut. He hears Osomatsu quietly urge Jyushimatsu to switch positions, and he scoots himself up onto the couch. Somehow he manages to pull Karamatsu into his lap, letting his younger brother curl up against his stomach.

“Hey, there. It’s okay. Big brother’s gotcha, Kara.” A careful touch runs up and down Karamatsu’s back, bringing the slightest sense of relief. “Get some sleep.”

Then Osomatsu pauses, and with a laugh he adds, “Just… warn me if you’re gonna puke again, okay?”

[marcykinsmaki]

The despair disease request anon, yes the reader has the despair disease, sorry if the original ask was kinda vague :( thank you! Also I love your writing!

hi hi!!! thank you so much, i’m glad you like it! even though this is my second piece, i really enjoy that people are so enamored with it already. thank you guys for being patient and here it is!!

Kazuichi Souda x Reader.

Words: 2,267 (medium)

CW: 90% of this pierce is in the hospital, mentions of hospital equipment, DANGANRONPA 2 CHAPTER 3 SPOILERS, flirting at inappropriate times, suggestive moments

Rating: Teen 

--

[Your POV]

You felt horrible. Your body ached, your temperature was a high 102 degrees, a migraine raged in your head. You weren’t sure what happened, feeling just fine before you went to sleep and by the next morning you could barely get out of bed without some help. That would have been fine if every word out of your mouth didn’t come out some degree of seductive or flirty. Of course, you didn’t think those things, but your body just forced it out like that. You tried to apologize, but it just came out all wrong. Everyone was looking at you weird all morning. You were brought to the diner by Sonia that morning, complimenting her looks and personality the entire way there. Thankfully, she was understanding that you weren’t feeling yourself. A few others arrived looking and feeling just as sickly as you are, all with different ‘symptoms’. Monokuma suddenly appeared, giving us our next motive.

“The Despair Disease!” He announced, looking among you all.

“The what?” Hajime squinted. Monokuma bore his sharp teeth.

“The Despair Disease! A disease carried around by  little bugs that carry certain…. Side effects. Well, good luck! And be careful, wash your hands, you filthy teenagers!” The bear snickered before disappearing. You almost fell down, Kazuichi, who is your crush of all things, quickly scooping you up before you could hit the floor.

“Woah there, Y/N, you almost hit your head on the table! Are you alright?” He didn’t seem worried to catch the disease, looking down to you. You took a deep breath, before a smirk grows onto your face.

“Oh my, have you come to save your royalty in distress?~” You look deeply into Kazuichi’s eyes, swearing you almost saw the embarrassment in his eyes. He quickly set you down.

“H-hey, how about we slow down a bit…” Kazuichi laughs awkwardly, looking desperately to Mikan.

“R-right, we should g-go now, before they g-get worse!” Mikan nods, everyone helping assist everyone who has been affected to the hospital two islands away. Kazuichi helps you, since you’re closest, and you can see him dreading the trip. You don’t blame him. You were quiet, reserved, kept to yourself and stayed out of people’s ways. But now you’re a huge flirt who can’t keep to themselves. You felt really bad, your heart is racing and you’re sweating beyond belief and that just makes it worse.

“Kazuichi, darling, you should stay in my room with me!~ I get so lonely, and I think I’ll need your company.. It’s what you deserve after you saved me.” You coo into his ear. He groans, biting his lip a little.

“Do you really need me to? I-it was no trouble-”

“God, Kaz, just stay with me, pretty please? I’d die if you didn’t!” You call out loudly, people looking back to you two, Kazuichi’s cheeks flushing over.

“Alright, alright! J-just stop yelling, people are looking!” He shakes his head, causing you to giggle softly.

You all eventually make it to the hospital, Kazuichi setting you down on the hospital bed and Mikan quickly handing you a change of clothes, Kazuichi turning to leave before you hook onto his shirt with your finger.

“Now where are you going, handsome?” You look onto him with a flirtatious gaze.

“Uh, o-out of the room so you can change?” He gasps as he falls back onto the bed, looking up to you.

“You can just turn around, I don’t mind.” You smile. He shakes his head, quickly making a bee line for the door. Your heart aches with sympathy for him, definitely needing to make up for this later.

“You’re not well right now, Y/N, I need to keep my distance anyway!” He calls out, before he finally leaves the room and slams the door behind him.

--

[Kazuichi’s POV]

I pant as I finally escape them. Geeze, what a workout.. It’s a damn marathon to run around flirting back with them. And I got to carry them… b-but I need to calm down, before they get well again and never talk to me again! Y/N is so nice to me, they hang out with me and listens when I speak to them! I try my best to treat them as nicely as I can, but every time I look into their eyes they make me swoon... everyone calls me obsessed but I’m just admiring them! Plus, I’d totally stop if they asked. But what am I gonna do? I can’t keep up this facade for long, they’ll totally notice!

I turn back to the room after a minute, knocking on the door.

“Y-Y/N? Are you done yet?”

“One sec!” They call out, spending a few moments to myself before they open the door and look at me, their legs shaking, but seemingly ignoring it as they lean against the doorframe. “Hello, Kazuichi~ You may come in now-” They began to fall again, quickly going to save them before they hit the floor again, shouting out a little before I get them into my arms again. Thank God I’ve been putting a little more elbow grease into my work lately, have they noticed I’ve been working out?

“You have to be more careful, Y/N, you’re still sick!” I sigh, bringing them to their bed. “I-I’ll go get Mikan, you stay here. P-please.” I kinda beg them. I don’t want them falling again. I feel them grab onto my shirt again. They pout up at me, they look even worse.. They’re sweating really bad! I grab onto their hand, and we both blush. I peel their hand from my shirt. “Please.” They sigh, nodding, still pouting. I smile, nodding down at them and turning to go get Mikan.

--

[Your POV]

You still feel horrid. Kazuichi has refused to come by your side, and you’ve flirted up a storm with Mikan, which she could only blush and say thank you, offering a few things that you thankfully declined, quickly and silently reminding her that you’re still sick and most likely don’t mean it. Oh, crap, you forgot Kazuichi probably thinks that, too.. Oh well, there go your chances. You’re alone, eating a cup of jello before you hear a knock on the door.

“Come in~” You speak up enough to let whoever’s behind the door hear you. You reach your hand up to cough into your elbow. You were getting better today, your fever down to 101. The door creaks open, Kazuichi stepping in and poking his face in. Your smile widens. “Don’t be shy, I don’t bite.” You wink. When will this be over.

“Right, t-thanks, Y/N. I kinda wanted to talk to you, actually.” He grabs a chair, sitting next to you. You look down to him with curiosity. “Uh, you don’t mean the things you say, right? L-like, this is all part of the illness you have?”

“Well of course it’s genuine, Kaz, why would I lie to you?~” Well, you weren’t wrong, in a way. You did like him, but you weren’t this flirty. It’s more like a truth-telling disease than a flirting disease.

“Ugh, I’m so stupid, I know you’re only saying this stuff because you’re sick.” Kazuichi groans, looking down to his lap. You reach down, taking one of his hands.

“How about, we go out sometime?” You lean in towards him. He looks up with an even deeper blush, lips wobbling.

“R-really?” His eyes kinda light up. You feel super embarrassed. You’re not ready to go this far, but apparently your illness is. Oh well, why not? It’s already on the table, just go on with it. What’s the worst that could happen?

“We could go and take a walk on the beach once I’m out of here~” You turn over a bit. Your body ached. Your throat was sore from coughing all night. Kazuichi looks hopeful.

“Wow, that’d be great, Y/N. So get better soon, o-okay?!” He stands up with his hands on his hips in a sort of hero pose, which makes you giggle. It was genuinely cute.

“I will. Don’t worry, baby~” You coo up at him. He looks back down with a blush as pink as his hair. He nods.

--

You wake up the next morning, your condition significantly improving. Your headache is gone, your body aches have gone down, your body temp is at a normal 98.5. Still have a bit of a stomach ache, but nothing a few tums can’t fix. Mikan shuffles out as she’s done with your daily examination, and a few minutes later, the body discovery chime goes off. You sigh, watching the screen in the corner of your room play through Monokuma speaking to you and hearing the same dreadful, tension building announcement sound through the air. You push yourself up slowly and redress yourself, going to go join everyone in the music venue. You tear up a bit seeing Ibuki laying on the stage and Hiyoko propped up against the pole, joining everyone in the investigation. You join Kazuichi as a silent ‘I’m better’ and stay back to your reclused self.

--

The trial passed and the execution almost flies by. Everything was blurry when it got like this. It was terrifying, though, how the rest of us could have died as well from the same person who swore to make us better. We silently think about if the body discovery would have been for us, but I didn’t spend too much time on it. You return to your cottage, only to hear a knock at your door. You grunt, dragging yourself to the door and opening it. You were met with vibrance, your heart thrumming with nervousness.

“H-hey, Y/N, sorry for bothering you so late.. But can we do that thing?” We both stood in silence for a minute. A blush was brought to both of our cheeks. “N-not saying that you have to! I’m just r-really excited that you want to hang out!” He waves his hands in front of him. It makes me giggle.

“That was a genuine statement, Kaz, don’t worry. I would love to.” You said this… easier than you thought you would. This was crazy. This is crazy. Oh well, there’s no going back and this was your chance. He held an arm out excitedly, and you take it anxiously, closing the door behind you and walking off to the beach. You almost shook with nerves. You two exchange small talk until you get there.

--

You arrive at the beach, you both taking off your shoes and carrying them as you approached the soft and increasing sound of the crashing waves as they settled on the shore. The twinkling of the stars and bright light of the shining moon casting its bright rays onto the beautiful scene. It’s breathtaking, but if walls could talk, the beach would lose its worth. You two quietly stand in front of the ocean, watching the water.

“Thank you for doing this with me, Y/N.” Kazuichi mutters quietly. You notice him looking at you, returning it with a small smile.

“Of course. I know the Despair Disease really threw me off, which I am very sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but…” You drifted off with your words. He quirked a brow.

“But?”

“... I have something to tell you.” You turn completely towards him. Body facing him and everything. Your heart thrums again, reminding you of your anxiety. You shove it down for now. “I am terrified of how this will end. If we’ll be walking out of here hand in hand, if that’s even possible.”

“Hey! Don’t be saying stuff like that-”

“What I mean is,” You interrupt him. “, I need to tell you this, before it’s too late. I love you, Kazuichi Souda.” You look at him deeply into his eyes. He looks relieved. 

“I love you, too Y/N. I know saying I love you this early is really fast, but ever since I met you, I knew you were the one for me. And you actually gave me the time of day unlike everyone else. I can be myself around you.” He nods. Your blush from earlier returns, as if it’s never left.

“I… feel the same. You don’t egg me to speak or be included in conversation. You can tell when I don’t feel like it, and just respect my boundaries. I didn’t catch right away, but eventually I just fell.” You shrug. It also baffled you how open you were being right away, but the Despair Disease make you worse than this, so it didn’t really matter. He’s opening up, too, so you’ve gotten a vibe that you both enjoy on the table.

“Can I kiss you?” He suddenly spurts. Your eyes widen. You aren’t  sure what to do, but it’d be hypocritical if you didn’t follow through with your whole ‘confession before tragedy’ narrative.

“Yes.” And that sealed the deal. His surprisingly soft lips were onto yours, his hands slowly snaking on your hips. He was reluctant about his hands, but yours slowly guided his to stay there. You could feel his slightly rougher hands, tracing across his physical efforts as proof of his Ultimate. He smiles into the kiss, and you do as well. A soft breeze blows through the gentle warmth of the summer night heat. The stars and moon feel brighter before, almost as hot as the sun itself. He slowly dipped you, one of your knees bending so your foot relaxes onto the soft sand. 

Maybe having the Despair Disease wasn’t that bad after all.

--

AAAAAAA OKAY HERE YOU GO! I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED!!!

edit 1: i wanted to mention that the reason i chose the point of view/style of writing i did for the reader is because it’s what made sense to me. it was starting out as a description but i like it to be a “surprise” until you read it fully. i felt like the jolt would be too sudden from that “you/your” style to a “i/me”. so yeah just wanted to say that

[damianwaynerocks]

Zuko & the Waynes - Chapter 3

Batfam/ATLA au

Description:  Prince Zuko, pre-finding Aang, falls into Gotham City. After being adopted by Bruce Wayne, Zuko finds himself enjoying life in this strange world. Zuko Wayne has a family who loves him unconditionally. Zuko Wayne is a hero, saving the innocents of Gotham City every night. But Zuko soon finds himself at the center of a plot that threatens to destroy not only this new world he's come to love, but also the world he's trying to leave behind.

A/N: okay, so the members of the titans and young justice team are different in this au.

Young Justice: Tim Drake (Red Robin); Cassie Sandsmark (Wondergirl); Kon/Conner Kent (Superboy); Bart Allen (Impulse)

Titans: Dick Grayson (Nightwing); Koriand'r (Starfire); Garfield Logan (Beast Boy); Rachel Roth (Raven); Jaime Reyes (Blue Beetle); M'Gann M'orris (Miss Martian)

Chapter 2 | Masterlist

Chapter 3:

"So, you remember the plan?"

"Yeah, we got it," said Cassie into her earpiece, having to raise her voice to be heard over the pouring rain outside. "Don't worry about us, we're fine."

"Good to know," Tim responded into the comlink.

It was the night of the auction. Zuko was wearing a black suit while Cassie was wearing a red dress. Both had their masks on. Kon, also known as Superboy, was sitting in the driver's seat. He was acting as their chauffeur, and was there as backup in case anything went wrong. Zuko rolled his eyes as he heard a slurping sound in his com link, presumably from Tim taking a sip of coffee.

 "That was gross," Kon sighed. "Don't do that." 

Tim ignored him. "Proud of you both. Remember, if the wrong person gets their hands on the magyntite, not even Superman will be able to stop them." He paused. "No pressure, though.”

"Wow, you're great at pep talks." Zuko adjusted the mask on his face, making sure it hid his scar. "You ready, Cassie?"

"I was born ready," Cassie responded with a grin. "Now, let's go, Henry."

"After you, Larissa." Zuko grabbed an umbrella and stepped out of the  self-driving black limousine they'd borrowed from Bruce. He went around to her side of the vehicle and opened her door for her. Cassie looped her arm through his, muttering a thank you as Zuko raised the umbrella above both of them. They walked into the casino.

 Just inside, a bouncer stepped in front of them. "How tall is the eagle's wingspan?"

"That means do magic," Tim said through the coms.

 "Uh," Zuko's mind raced as he tried to think of a spell on the spot. "Fire Dragon Iron Fist!" he finally said, and a ball of fire appeared over his closed fist. The bouncer nodded, and unhooked the red rope, allowing them to step inside.It was bright and loud and flashy, and Zuko had to stop for a moment to get his bearings.

 "You good?" Cassie whispered, placing a hand on his chest to steady him. "It's okay. Let's just go downstairs, follow me." She gently led him towards the back of this casino. Tim had told them that there was a staircase behind the bathrooms, and the basement was where the auction was taking place.They walked past the doors that said 'men' and 'woman' and opened the third door, revealing stairs going down to a concrete basement. "You okay now?" Cassie asked as they began to descend. 

 "Yeah," Zuko grunted. "I'm fine." They walked down a dark and damp hallway, a stark contrast to the bright lights and clean floors of the upper floor. The reached a huge room with a wrap around balcony overlooking the bottom floor. Many people, all wearing masks, were crowded together. 

"It's about to start, Mr. Henry," Cassie said. "Let's go sign in." The pair walked through the people until they reached the stairs leading to the bottom floor. Arms still linked, they walked down the stairs. 

"There's a ton of people here," Zuko mused. "I wonder what they all want to buy." 

Cassie shrugged. "Drugs. Artifacts. Who knows." 

They made their way to the middle of the throng of people and sat down in two of the chairs. The auction started soon after, and the words the auctioneer was saying sounded like white noise to Zuko. Finally, twenty minutes in, Tim's voice in his ear made Zuko flinch. "Magyntite is next," he said. "Be ready."

Sure enough, the man held up a silver briefcase. "Magyntite!" he yelled. "This drug is like Kobra Venom! Bulk up your muscles, lady and gentlemen. Do I hear... two million?" Zuko raised his hand and the same time another man did. The man glared at Zuko, who did the same.Back and forth this happened, Zuko and this man trying to get the magyntite. In the end, though, Zuko and Cassie got it for $45,000,000.

 "Holy crap," Cassie breathed as they walked back up the stairs. "That man wanted to kill you." 

Zuko hummed. "He isn't the only one." 

Cassie gave him an amused look."Is that so, Sir Henry?"

"Indeed it is, Lady Larissa."

Golden eyes gazed into blue for a second, both having small smiles on their faces.

  "Yo, you guys get it?"

"Uh, yeah," Cassie replied, breaking eye contact. "Yeah, we're heading back now." 

Zuko's face reddened. He hadn't felt any feeling similar to that since Mai, when he was thirteen. He shook his head to clear it. Don't be stupid, he told himself. Don't even go there. No chance of that happening.

"You good?" Cassie asked, raising an eyebrow under her mask. Zuko cleared his throat and nodded a little too quickly.

"Me? I'm great. Splendid. Never been better!" he babbled. "Oh Agni, I bet Kon is going crazy! Uh, let's go see him!" He linked his arm with Cassie's and half-led half-drug her through the club and out the door.

"And the lovely couple returns!" Kon cheered as Zuko opened the door for Cassie. "I missed you! Tim told me I couldn't listen to my podcast because I had to stay alert so I've been bored out of my mind."

"Oh, poor baby!" Cassie mocked. "Do you need a massage and a nice cup of tea?"

"I do, actually."

"Too bad, Superbrat."

 Zuko looked out the window. He missed his uncle's tea.

 Only 11 more months. 

___

The next morning, Zuko, Duke and Damian were at the table eating breakfast. Zuko was about to put a piece of bacon in his mouth when he felt eyes on him. Looking up, he frowned as he met Duke's eyes. "What?

Duke's eyebrows were furrowed in disbelief. "Dude, it's 7:00 in the morning. Why are you already dressed?" 

Zuko blinked. While the others were in their pajamas- Duke in an old t-shirt and shorts and Damian in his silk robe -Zuko was in jeans and a Ralph Lauren button-up, his hair in a topknot. He would've put shoes on, if it weren't for Alfred's no-shoes-in-the-house rule. "I'm used to getting up at dawn and getting ready. It's what I've done for three years."

Duke shook his head. "You're making me feel like a slob, Zu."

 "You will not feel that way for long," Damian spoke up. "For I hear Drake coming down the stairs." 

Sure enough, Tim walked around the corner, staggering to the table. He was in an over sized black Superman shirt and his boxers with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. His long hair was a mess, and the circles under his eyes made it look as though he had been punched in the face.  Alfred pulled out a chair beside Zuko, a cup of coffee already in his hand. Tim stumbled towards the chair, looking as though he was about to pass out. He sat down in the chair slowly, and Alfred immediately put the cup of coffee in front of him. Tim blinked slowly, before picking up the coffee and bringing it to his lips. 

"Well," Duke chuckled. "I no longer feel like a slob." 

Damian wrinkled his nose, scoffing at Tim. "You are a disgrace, Drake. Have some self respect." Tim stared at him owl-eyed in response.

 "Just give him like ten minutes," Duke said. "Anyways! So I heard you went on a mission last ni-"

"Master Duke!" Alfred interrupted him sharply. "Might I remind you the rules of breakfast?" 

Duke seemed to shrink into himself as he answered in a small voice, "No vigilante talk at the breakfast table." Alfred nodded in approval before going back into the kitchen. Duke turned back to Zuko. "Later."

Zuko hummed in response. 

--

As soon as breakfast was over, Duke ran to Zuko excitedly. "So!? How'd it go?"

"It went fine," Zuko replied. "I mean, we went in, got the stuff and got back in the car."

"That's it? No fights?"

"No fights."

"What about Cassie? Any emotions?" 

Zuko coughed, his eyes widening. "What!? No! Don't be stupid!"

Duke laughed. "Dude, you're gonna have to get better at lying if you want to join the business."

"Which could start right now, if you want." Zuko and Duke whirled around to see Bruce holding a cup of coffee. "You've been here for a month. You can fight and you're smart. You're welcome to start training today, if you want."

Zuko's jaw dropped. "Uh, yeah! That'd be great!" 

Bruce smiled."Fantastic. Go get changed into something comfortable and we'll start."

Zuko practically sprinted to his room, but before he could change, his phone chimed.

Cassie Sandsmark: good morning doofus

.Zuko grinned in spite of himself.

Zuko Wayne: good morning!

Cassie Sandsmark: how'd you sleep?

Zuko Wayne: great but i don't know if tim slept at all he's barely alive right now

Cassie Sandsmark: sounds like tim

Cassie Sandsmark: so when u joining the hero business

Zuko Wayne: right now,, I'm about to start training

Cassie Sandsmark: YAY TELL ME HOW IT GOES

Zuko Wayne: of course

__

Training, Zuko decided, was difficult. It'd been a month since he'd started, and while he was improving, he was sore and sick of computers. 

"If I have to break another one of Tim's codes, I'll kill myself," he groaned, flopping on to the couch beside Damian, who nodded. 

"Every time Drake speaks, I want to kill myself." Zuko eyed him wearily.

"That's harsh."

"Such is reality." Damian flipped to the next page of the book he was reading. "So, your first patrol is tomorrow?" 

Zuko grinned."Yeah. I'm so excited." He sat up, cracking his knuckles. "Gonna be a blast."

"Are you finally adequate at lying?" 

Zuko winced. "It took me a while but yeah, I got it."

 "Good. We cannot have you exposing our secret." He looked up from his book. "Christmas is next month. Pennyworth instructed me to inform you that he needs a list of what you wish."

Zuko groaned. "I have no idea what I want."

"Well, figure it out," Damian replied. "Because if you do not, I'll have to listen to the complaining."

__

It was the night of his first patrol. Zuko turned to the mirror. His suit was a black kevlar lined jumpsuit with an obsidian utility belt and combat boots of the same color. There was a blue bat symbol across the chest, and a demon-type stage mask of the same color on his face. He looked at the blue gauntlet on his wrist and flexed his arm.

Dick whistled lowly. "Lookin' sharp, Zu."

Zuko grunted in response, but he couldn't stop the corners of his lips from twitching upwards.

"Good to see you suited up," Bruce said as he saw his son. He turned to the Bat Computer and typed something in. "Alright. Nightwing and Robin, you take the east side. Red Hood and Black Bat, you take the west. Red Robin, you take south. Blue Spirit and I will take north."

"You got it, boss man," said Jason with a mock salute. At that, the vigilantes headed out.

"Remember," Bruce began as he and Zuko got into the Batmobile. "Code names in the field." Zuko nodded.

"I won't forget, Batman."

"Good to hear, Blue Spirit." 

After a few minutes if driving, Oracle spoke. "Croc is robbing a store on the corner of North and Order," she said. "Blue Spirit and Batman are closest."

"We're on it," Bruce said, and sped up. 

They reached the corner in five minutes, and jumped out of the car. "Croc!" Bruce yelled.

A huge reptilian humanoid turned toward the voice, and smiled. "Batman!" he chirped. "And who's this?"

"Blue Spirit," Zuko said stiffly. 

Killer Croc chuckled."New kid to destroy? I love that." 

Croc rushed him, snapping his jaws viciously. Zuko jumped into the air, doing a flip over the creature. Fire blasted out of his elbow and he punched Croc in the snout as he turned. 

Croc stumbled back. "Igniting your elbow to increase the force of your punch? Smart. Not smart enough." He ran towards Zuko again, claws outstretched, moving at inhuman speeds. Zuko ducked under his claws and gave an uppercut with the same advantage into his stomach. Croc was thrown into the air by the force. Before he could land, Zuko sent a blast of fire at him, engulfing him in flames. Croc screamed and fell to the ground, charred and smoking.

 "He's still alive," Bruce said gruffly. "Not bad. I'll call Gordon." Zuko's chest swelled with pride, but he simply nodded. 

"There's a robbery at the R&D center of Enterprises," Oracle said suddenly.

"Blue Spirit and I are going to check it out," Bruce answered.

"10-4," Dick replied. "Call if you need backup." Bruce grunted in response and, gesturing for Zuko to follow, jumped back into the Batmobile before speeding off.

"R&D?" Zuko echoed what Oracle had said earlier. "What's that?"

"It's the Research and Development Center," Bruce replied. "It's where we store Batman Inc. tech that's still in production."

"Oh."

“That's right. If anyone succeeds in getting their hands on what's in there-"

"-They'll get their hands on everything." Zuko bit the inside of his cheek. "It's fine. We can do this."

A hint of a smile ghosted across Bruce's lips, so small that Zuko wasn't sure if it'd even been there in the first place.

__

The Research and Development Center of Wayne Enterprises was primarily used to develop advancements in technology. These advancements ranged from more effective cancer treatments to new engines for vehicles.The blueprints listed the building as being eight stories. Unbeknownst to the majority of WE's employees, there was a basement. A basement hidden far below the actual building, so far below than an express elevator was needed. This basement was where the technology for Batman Inc. was developed.

Unlike the secret basement of Falcone's club, this basement was in pristine condition. It had a hospital feel to it, with white flooring, walls, and ceiling. 

Bruce and Zuko had just grappled down the elevator shaft was landed at the end of one of the basement's hallways."The only alarm that's been triggered was the entry alarm," said Bruce. "The rooms where the... merchandise are kept have separate alarm systems. Can you tell me what this means, Blue Spirit?"

"The intruder either doesn't know what exactly is down here, or they just haven't managed to get into the rooms yet." Zuko frowned. "Wait, if they figured out this place was here then that means they definitely know what's down here. So then they haven't found the location of the 'merchandise.'"

"And you believe that to be the most probable scenario?"

"Well... yeah. I mean, unless they managed to bypass the alarm system. But that's impossible, this place is un-hackable ever since that incident with Ra's al Ghul. The security system is invincible. Right?"

"Rule of thumb, Blue Spirit," Bruce grunted, raising his arm closer to his face to he could activate his gauntlet. "Nothing is invincible. Everything has a weakness. Some are harder to find than others, but the only thing that is truly invincible is God Himself. And I don't think He would have any reason to break into Wayne Enterprises."

"Okay, but they tripped the alarm when they came in," Zuko pointed out. "So they must not have been able to hack the system."

"Unless they want us here."

Zuko sucked in his teeth. "So that's what you think? This is a trap?"

"It isn't a trap if we know about it," Bruce countered. "Here, I'm pulling up the motion sensors." Sure enough, the holographic screen coming from the gauntlet showed motion in room 121.

"Is that one of the rooms?" Zuko asked. 

Bruce nodded."Yes." He and Zuko started to run in the direction of the before mentioned room. "There's very dangerous technology in there. We need to stop this intruder now." The two were sprinting, taking twists and turns through the winding hallways until Bruce stuck his arm out, signaling for Zuko to stop. In front of them was room 121, the door ajar.

"Holy crap," Zuko whispered. "They hacked us."

"They hacked us," Bruce echoed. "And now they're going to pay. Manuever 13. Be cautious." Bruce rolled a metal ball into the room, and it exploded into smoke Using the smoke as cover, Zuko and Bruce dashed into the room. 

Using the heat signatures to see through the smoke, Zuko jumped forward, swinging down his broadswords in arc. His eyes widened as they hit air; the person had disappeared."What-" he broke off as someone landed a hit to his spine. Zuko whirled around, kicking out at his attacker, yet his foot hit air as the assailant dodged again.

"A teleporter?" he muttered. A laugh hit his ears, and the assailant landed another hit to the back of his head. Zuko tried to return the hit with one of his own but, of course, he missed.So far, Zuko noticed, they were teleporting closely around him. They were staying in close proximity with him. It would be hard to deduce where exactly they would strike, unless he limited their options.

Zuko stomped on the ground, and a ring of fire flared up around him. The attacker led out a gut wrenching scream as they were caught in the flames.He caught a glimpse of a person in a black suit clutching their arm before they teleported above his head, aiming a dropkick above him.

 But Zuko had anticipated this. He grabbed their leg from above and slammed them on the ground. They landed with a crack and coughed.

"You just broke my spine, you asshole," the person wheezed. They were still now, and Zuko could see she was a girl with long brown hair in a wine-colored robe. 

Zuko gulped, forcing down the rising panic at the girl's words. "Maybe you shouldn't have tried to break my skull."

The girl shrugged. "Just following orders."

"Who are you!?" Zuko snarled. "Tell me! Who are you and what do you want with this technology!?"

"Well, if you must know," the girl said, pain evident in her voice despite her calm tone. "I am but a servant of The Lady of the Dual Skies."

"The Lady of the Dual Skies?" Zuko echoed. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing's taken," Bruce said as he crossed his arms from where he stood behind Zuko. "Nothing has even been tampered with. You clearly weren't looking for anything here. So what did you want?"

"The Lady does not permit me speaking with anybody but you." The girl was speaking directly to Zuko, not sparing Bruce a glance. "She has something she wishes you to know."

Zuko narrowed his eyes behind his mask. "And what would that be?"

The girl grinned wickedly. "She says she'll see you soon."

With that, a portal opened up under the girl and she disappeared in a flash of purple light.

[hazyheel]

WWE Monday Night Raw 9/30/19 Review

The Raw season premier was an up and down show. There were some really fun moments, and even a few good matches, but it was dragged down a lot by some stupid shenanigans. Lots of the interviews were weird, and the storylines were kinda off putting. Plus, we didn’t add any new matches to Hell in a Cell. The show is on Sunday, and we don’t know anything about it. Let’s hope smackdown goes into overdrive to fix that, because it seems like Raw has been building to this show rather than their pay per view. I thought my complaints about this last week were kinda invalid, because the seeds were sown, but those seeds were then harvested and eaten on this show, so I will now complain about the lack of build. This is my review of this week’s Raw.

This was the first time in what has felt like years that we’ve seen the theme song, and I loved that. The new set looked pretty cool too, although the screen kinda bled into the stage which looked odd. Dio Madden, Vic Joseph and Jerry the King Lawler were on commentary.

Rey Mysterio Promo: Rey came out to like no noise, so I’m not sure if that is because of some problems micing the crowd. He thanked Dominic for getting him to this point, and promised him that he’d bring the universal Championship home. However, Brock Lesnar quickly came out to interrupt, with Paul Heyman in tow. Heyman was about to start talking, and Mysterio grabbed the mic out of his hand. He was about to start talking, but Lesnar picked him up and nailed two F5′s and left Mysterio laying. Lesnar looked out at Dominic in the crowd, and the two actually had a bit of a stare down, before Lesnar walked out of the ring and approached him at the barricade. Dominic slowly sat down in his chiar, but he pulled Dominic over the barricade, and launched him into the post, and even slammed him on the ground. Then Lesnar threw him in the ring, and gave him problably the biggest German suplex I’ve ever seen him give. He was going to attack him more, but Mysterio grabbed his leg, and ate another F5 for it. He almost left the ring, but he came back to give a couple huge vertical suplexes as Heyman begged him to stop. Lesnar was about to walk away again, but opted to get back in the ring, kick the crap out of some of the medical personal taking a look at Mysterio and Dominic, before throwing the two of them out of the ring very violently. We later saw that Dominic pulled a stretcher job as Mysterio comforted him and say sorry. 

Grade: B+.  Obviously, the promo was fine at best, but this was about the attack. This was incredibly violent in all the ring ways. On smaller guys like Rey and Dominic, Lesnar’s moves look so dangerous and awesome. Dominic sold well for his first time, but I don’t know how much of that was selling and how much of that was just a goddamned monster throwing a kid around and the kid crying. But that was a great looking German suplex, and I really hope that Dominic is okay. Highlight of the night. 

Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks: both ladies were out without anyone in their corner, and Bliss actually got some pyro for her entrance, which was cool. Becky Lynch came out to join commentary as well, and she was delightful right away. In the ring, things started with Banks being super vicious. After Banks put Bliss down in the corner, she hopped up on the turnbuckle and started to yell at Lynch on commentary. Lynch promptly hopped up and yelled right back, which allowed Bliss to hit a sunset flip powerbomb for a near fall. Banks then started to absolutely destroy Bliss as the went to the outside, laying in strike after strike and even trapping Bliss in the turnbuckle. As they fought, Bliss was able get some offense in, but Banks quickly hit a running knee to take control back. Then she feigned a quick injury and called for Bayley, only to hit Bliss’s leg and roll her up with a handful of tights for the win.

After the match, Lynch and Banks brawled in the ring, and Lynch forced Banks to run into the crowd. Lynch asked where Banks was going, and she said that she won’t be able to run away on Sunday. She said Banks made it personal, now Lynch will make it painful. Then she vowed retribution and dropped the mic. 

Grade: D+. I didn’t like this match at all. It was really odd, and didn’t flow super well, along with some awkward exchanges from the commentary team really hurt this match. The finish was awkward and quite weird, and Becky’s presence was kinda unnecessary too. Just not the greatest match.

Seth Rollins Interview: He was absolutely pissed about Lesnar kicking the crap out of Rey and Dominic, and he doesn’t know whether or not he will win at Hell in a Cell. But he said he will do his damnedest to survive and retain the championship. However, he was not sure about the status of his Universal Championship match for tonight. 

Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode vs. Heavy Machinery for the Raw Tag Team Championships: Ziggler and Tucker started things off with some amateur wrestling, and went back and forth for a bit until Tucker took him down with some shoulder tackles. He quickly tagged out to Otis after some nice agility. Ziggler fought back against Otis, and tagged out to Roode, only for Otis to plow both men over and follow up with stereo vertical suplexes from Heavy Machinery. The challengers maintianed control until Roode low bridged Tucker, and set him to the outside before tagging himself in. Roode then threw Tucker around a bit at ringside, and the heels started to beat him down with some tandem offense. At one point, Ziggler was mocking Tucker a bit, until Tucker caught a dropkick and then monkey flipped him into the turnbuckle. Otis got the hot tag, and threw Roode and Ziggler all over the place, girated a bit, and was just  really funny in general. He was able to hit a double caterpillar on the two champions, but when Tucker went for the compactor, Ziggler caught him with a Zig Zag. He then superkick Otis to make him drop Roode, and then threw him into the turnbuckle. Ziggler then gave Tucker a superkick and Roode finished him off with the Glorious DDT for the win. 

Grade: B-. Good stuff here. Just some classic tag team action that didn’t do too much that was wild, but was pretty solid. I liked the closing stretch a lot, and I think Roode and Ziggler are definitely improving as a tag team. 

Miz TV: He sent his thoughts and love to Rey and Dominic before starting. He put over the season premier a bit, and welcomed Ric Flair out first, and then Hulk Hogan. Jimmy Hart as also out there, but they didn’t have a chair for him for some reason. Miz called the three of them that they are legends, and then Flair said that he was sick of listening to Hogan talk for thirty years. Hogan then wooed, and Miz said that they’ve had to listen to that for a lot longer, and they love it. Miz asked Hogan what it was like to see Flair across the ring from him, and Hogan started to yell about the city and stuff. Flair then said that although Hogan was the biggest draw in history, he was the best wrestler in history and he is sick of playing second fiddle. Hogan then said that it sounded like Flair wanted to take a fight, and they both squared up a bit. They looked like they were gonna fight, but Hogan said that they weren’t spring chickens anymore. The crowd chanted one more match, and Hogan said that they should add one more page in their legendary career. Miz then announced that there will be a huge 5 on 5 tag match at Crown Jewel, with Flair in one corner and Hogan in the other. Hogan announced that Seth Rollins was his team captain. Rollins was super excited to join the team, and he started to yell at Flair. Flair was about to welcome out his captain, but they played Orton’s music to early. So, Flair’s captain was Randy Orton. Orton told Rollins to crawl out of Hogan’s ass for a bit, and to listen up. Orton said that over the next few weeks, they will pick their teams, but he wants a match between captains tonight. Rollins accepted for some reason, even though he still probably has a Universal Championship match later. They were about to start the match, but King Corbin walked down the ring. Orton then attacked Rollins from behind, and he and Corbin beat Rollins down. Rusev then ran out and helped Rollins out a bit, which is weird because I thought he was a heel. Rusev was able to hit Orton with the Machka kick, and Rollins nailed Corbin with one too. Rusev followed that up with a Machka kick to Corbin as Rollins gave Orton a suicide dive. 

Grade: C-. This was a wild segment. I have no idea what Flair’s script was, but he didn’t follow it at all. Flair looked happy to be out there, but he was acting a bit wild. But as cool as this segment was, I didn’t really care much about it. Honestly, this would’ve gotten lower, but after Hogan and Flair started to jaw jack, I was terrified that they would be the headlining match at Crown Jewel. Luckily, it’s just a big tag match, and I was so happy that I bumped this up. But yeah, this wasn’t a great segment. 

Rusev Interview: Charly asked where Lana was, and he just looked really sad for a second, so Charly moved on. He said that he wanted to cash in on the debt that Rollins owes him for saving his ass a few minutes ago, and challenged him for the Universal Championship. Jeez, is Lana dead or something?

AOP Vinette: They talked about how they grew up in violence, so now that is what they are best at. 

Viking Raiders vs. The OC: Ivar and Luke Gallows started things out with some huge power moves, but both quickly tagged out and the Raiders started to beat down on Karl Anderson. Gallows then tagged in and started to lay into Ivar with some strikes, only for Erik to quickly get the hot tag. Erik rocked Anderson with a quick combo, and then a knee to the face. The OC took control back during the commercial break, but Ivar soon tagged in, and he beat down Anderson with agile and powerful offense. At one point, the Viking Raiders nailed Anderson with a springboard lariat into a german suplex for a near fall. In the finish, Ivar gave Anderson a tope suicida, while Erik nailed Gallows with a huge spinebuster. Ivar tagged in and won the match with a splash.

Grade: C+. This match was okay, I wasn’t hugely into it. Just a lot of slow offense with no one retaining control long enough to be entertaining. The work was fine though. 

Charly Caruso Backstage: She was running down the attack from Lesnar, and called it criminal. Cesaro then showed up, and started to say that Lesnar wasn’t a criminal, and he wished that he would’ve been able to beat the crap out of Dominic. Ricochet then walked up and told him that he wasn’t half the man Rey is, and challenged him to a match. 

Cesaro vs. Ricochet: Ricochet started things up quickly, flipping off of Cesaro’s chest and then hitting a dropkick. Cesaro started to hit some strikes, but Ricochet monkey flipped him out of the ring. The two quickly got back in the ring and beat each other down, with Cesaro nailing a Gorilla press into the knee for a near fall. Ricochet quickly got the win with a springboard spike rana.

Grade: B-. This was good for what it was, but it was criminally short. 

Firefly Funhouse: Everyone in the funhouse were really scared, and Ramblin Rabbit even died. They were all scared about the Rollins and Fiend match. Bray told them all that it is okay to be scared, because Hell in a Cell is a terrifying place built for pain and suffering. He said that the Fiend will always come back to protect the Funhouse, but he isn’t so sure about Rollins. Bray then said that he was gonna find the Fiend and tell him to be nice, but laughed it off and waived goodbye to everyone. 

AJ Styles vs. Cedric Alexander for the United States Championship: Styles started the match out fast with some shoulder tackles and chops, but Alexander quickly started to use his agility and speed to dodge and score a rana and a basement dropkick. He was able to nail a dropkick and put Styles on the outside, but Styles intercepted his tope con hilo with a forearm. Alexander then tried for a springboard move, but Styles caught him on the shoulders and hung him up on the top rope. Styles then nailed a forearm out of the ring and to the floor, and we cut to commercial. When we came back, Cedric quickly fought back into things, nailing a Neuralizer. Styles responded with a series of strikes, but Alexander dodged the final hit and nailed a back elbow, followed by a detonation kick for a near fall. Styles then countered out of a Lumber check, and hit a beautiful reverse DDT. Styles then tried for the Styles Clash, but Alexander put him on the apron. Cedric then dodged the Phenomenal forearm and hit a Michinoku driver for a close near fall. Styles responded with a German suplex and a facebuster, but still only a near fall. In a goddamned awesome finish, Alexander went for the Lumbar Check, but Styles rotated in mid air and gave Alexander a sunset flip, before transitioning right into a Styles Clash for the win. 

Grade: B. Good stuff here. Lots of fast paced action and fun counters, but I really think that Cedric should’ve won here. He has jobbed to Styles a lot lately, and Styles should probably be in the main event rather than the United States Championship picture. Also, that finish was sooooooo good. 

Street Profits backstage: the two just said that they’d be on NXT this week, and put over their championship match on Wednesday. They put over the main event, and Hell in a Cell. Then they said that if you say the Fiend’s name three times, he will appear. So that was fun. 

Lacy Evans vs. Natalya: The two locked up right away, and Evans was incredibly disrespectful right away. The two went back and forth with some striking and signature offense, and Lacy even smashed Nattie’s head into the stairs in a vicious spot. That got her a near fall, but then she smashed Nattie’s head into the mat over and over again. Nattie fought back with some nice strikes in the corner, nailing a discus lariat for a near fall. Nattie tried for the sharpshooter, but Evans escaped. Nattie continued to attack Lacy on the apron, and as the ref was pushing her back, Lacy raked the eyes. Evans then rolled up Nattie with a handful of tights for the win.

After the match, Evans nailed the Woman’s Right and walked away.

Grade: B. Good stuff. These two actually have a bit of chemistry, and I’m into it. I don’t think that this was their last match, and hopefully things will only get better. 

Paul Heyman Interview: He seemed totally desperate, and said that while Brock stepped over the line, it was Vince’s fault for booking him on the Raw season premier. He said that Lesnar was going to destroy Kingston on Friday, because he is in fight mode. He said that Lesnar winning on Friday is a spoiler, and he’ll be the new WWE Champion. 

Maria Kanellis Interview: Maria said that Rusev isn’t the father of her child, and walked away. Sasha Banks then came in and grabbed the mic, and she told Lynch that she was going to destroy her in Hell in a Cell and make her tap out. No man can win her match. 

Rusev vs. Seth Rollins for the WWE Universal Championship: Rollins treid to start things with a handshake, which Rusev used to take down the champion right away. The two both tried for their signature offense, but neither man could get anything. Rollins was able to score some strikes, but Rusev caught him running the ropes and nailed a fall away slam as we cut to commercial. That cut was of the Fiend too, so that was cool. As we came back, Rusev locked in a bear hug, and King Corbin and Randy Orton watched from the apron. As the two continued their brawling, Rollins put Rusev out over the top rope, and gave him a pair of tope suicidas. Rollins put Rusev back in the ring and went for a splash, but Rusev caught him, only for Rollins to get a small package for a near fall. Rusev then hit a high kick, and then a spinning uranagi for a near fall. Rusev went for the Machka kick, but Rollins caught him and rolled him up for a near fall. Right as Rusev kicked out, Rollins nailed a superkick and barely powered Rusev up for a Falcon’s arrow. He tried for the Curb Stomp, but Rusev dodged it and put Rollins on the apron. Rollins then tried for a springboard forearm, but Rusev caught him with a Machka kick. Just then, Bobby Lashley made a big return, as did Lana. The two then made out on the stage for a super long time. After they finished (not like that), the Fiend showed up and attacked Rollins, who had rolled to the outside. He slapped on the mandible claw and put Rollins down with it. 

Grade: B. This match was pretty good, but it super fell apart at the end. Rollins and Rusev had a good contest that was a pretty good main event for Raw, but then all the stuff with Lashley and Lana, and the Fiend did the same thing that he’s done every week it seems like, and I kinda lost interest. Still though, Lashley and Lana made out for a super long time, and Rusev just watched. That must’ve sucked for him.

Overall Grade: C+

Pros: opening attack; cesaro vs. ricochet; evans vs. nattie; main event

Cons: no rollins vs. mysterio on the card; Bliss vs. Banks; miz tv and flair being weird; lots of random stuff during the main event; ramblin rabbit died again :(

[aliceslantern]

Beyond This Existence, chapter 17

Summary:  After Xehanort's death, Demyx finds himself unexpectedly human in Radiant Garden. With nothing but fragments of his past and a cryptic statement from Xemnas, he's left to figure out who he is. When Ienzo asks for his help with a project, the two find common ground, but the trauma and secrets in both of their pasts could tear it apart. Zemyx (Demyx/Ienzo), post-KH3 canon compliant

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

----

The weeks passed, one after the other, uniformly. Demyx got used to being cold all the time. He started helping Aeleus more with the shoveling after he read that being in shape boosted magical stamina. Moving helped keep him from thinking so much.

Ienzo continued to improve, but still didn’t wake up. Taking care of him was a strange kind of intimacy. A husk of the real person. Missing him was a sour, lonely seed. He played sitar for him, sometimes. While they never quite disappeared, his calluses had softened substantially in the past few months, and practicing for so long quite literally hurt. It suited his mood.

He kept studying, found it was easier to remember and understand if he had Arpeggio in hand. He’d always had a knack for remembering songs and chords. Creating the association helped him remember the oh-so complicated theory. Aerith was right; this was going to be hard .

Demyx found himself falling again headlong into nightmares. Not just nightmares about his past, though those were pretty numerous--there were only so many times you could remember getting beaten up and seeing someone die--but also anxiety dreams about Ienzo. Usually sequences of them being separated or literally torn apart.

It was hard to sleep at night. Some of these nights he made himself some tea and went back to laying down. Others, not so much.

One of these lonesome nights, he was swilling the dregs of tea leaves around in his cup. It was getting hard to focus on things, like his brain was seizing up. Demyx heard footsteps and, while logically he knew it was just one of them, he felt himself tensing automatically to be attacked. He took a deep breath.

Ansem was looking as haggard as ever. “I was surprised to see the light on so late. My boy, why aren’t you in bed?”

“Can’t sleep,” he said simply.

“A common malady around here. Would you mind some company?”

He did, but he shook his head. Ansem sat down across from him.

“I’ve heard you want to be a healer,” he said. “I think that’s a noble path.”

“Noble,” he echoed. “Some hope.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know. It’s hard not to feel very blah about things lately.”

Ansem sat forward a little. “How are you coping?”

“Oh, great. I’m peachy keen.”

Ansem seemed not to know how to reply. “It’s not… simple.”

“I mean, nothing is. I’m worried.”

“About what?”

“Everything.” He exhaled. “Mostly… what happens if Ienzo doesn’t wake up?” A few beats of silence. “Even and Aerith both say he will. But it’s been almost a month and a half. I can’t imagine what would happen if…” He trailed off.

“Sora slept for a year, and came out on the other side.”

“Ienzo isn’t Sora, though.”

“No,” Ansem agreed. “Well… should that much time pass… we will weigh our options accordingly.”

He felt like he’d been punched. He struggled to catch his breath.

“But I have faith,” Ansem said. “Ienzo is tenacious. He wouldn’t give up this new life if he had a say in the matter.”

Demyx knew that was true, but felt tears rising in his eyes anyway. He tried fighting them in vain.

“Admittedly, I feel relieved that the love you have for him is so genuine,” Ansem said. “At first I was… concerned-- He’s grown up so sheltered, and I had no idea if you might have certain… expectations of him.”

“Oh my god.” Heat flooded his face.

“After all, I’d no idea who you were. Can you blame me? At the same time, I think you’ve given him the support that we failed to provide. I never provided a home where he could afford to be vulnerable. It’s one of my greatest regrets. One of many.”

Demyx didn’t know what to say. The embarrassment and tears were both drying up, leaving him somewhat ambivalent.

“Have you considered your future here?” Ansem asked.

“At the castle? Or Radiant Garden in general?”

“Either. Both.”

Exhausted and emotionally drained, it was hard to really think. “I… want to be with him,” he admitted. “I want to start my life for real. Here is as good as anywhere.”

“Radiant Garden takes a while to grow on one, I think.” He patted Demyx’s hand. “I hope that you can find happiness. I really do.”

“I’ll settle for “stable” first.”

----

Snow fell in an even, bright sheet. Demyx wiped the frost off of Ienzo’s window. Vitals all normal. Perfect, actually. He sat at the foot of the bed and started idly playing Arpeggio, letting the chords flow with his mood and the snow. Snow always reminded him of minor keys, but not necessarily sadness.

He heard a sharp breath. At first, he attributed it to his own dissociation. Demyx checked in with himself and tuned a few strings. Arpeggio did not like the cold either. He glanced over at Ienzo. Teal eyes blinked stiffly.

Demyx froze. His heart was in his throat and his mouth tasted like copper.

Ienzo stirred with great difficulty, propping himself on one shaky elbow. He touched his face.

Demyx breathed his name.

Ienzo looked up at him through his bangs. He squinted as if it were hard to see.

“Hey.” He spoke softly, as though being louder would break the spell. “Hey there. I’m so glad you’re awake.”

Ienzo tried to speak, but could only mouth a few words.

Demyx’s heart was racing. He got him a glass of water from the pitcher on the dresser and handed it to him. “Here. Take it easy. Baby steps.” He checked pulse and temperature. Still normal, still solid.

Ienzo took a few sips. His voice was hoarse. “I heard you,” he said.

“You mean Arpeggio?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know you didn’t always like to listen to me--”

“No, it was perfect.”

“I thought it might maybe help you find your way back.”

“I think it did.”

Demyx could not stop looking at him. He took Ienzo’s hands into his own. His skin was cool and a bit clammy, but present. Alive.

“It’s been a long time,” Ienzo said, matter of fact.

“About a month and a half. Was pretty touch-and-go for a while,” Demyx admitted. “Your EKG activity has been changing. We knew you would wake up, but it was just a question of-- well, when.”

“You’ve been taking care of me.”

“Helping,” he said. “It… makes me feel less, well, helpless.”

“You’re whole.”

“I’ve been whole.”

“It still feels as though I’m meeting you for the first time.”

He cracked a smile. “It’s been happening slowly,” he said. “My old self and my new self, it’s all sort of…” He knotted his fingers to demonstrate. “I love you. That hasn’t changed.” It felt so good to say it.

“I love you as well.”

Demyx leaned forward and kissed him delicately. He wanted to pull him close and not let go but made himself back off. He could feel yet more tears.  “I’ve been, um, a bit of a crybaby,” he said.

“But this time it’s a happy cry.”

He nodded, patting his eyes. “I’m just hoping we can finally be together now,” he said. “‘Cause… no offense… I’m kind of sick of this crap.”

Ienzo laughed. “I hope so, Demyx. Er.”

“Demyx is still fine. I don’t really care. But if you really want to know.” He whispered the name.

Ienzo repeated it. “That’s not what I thought it would be.”

“Yeah. It was a revelation to me too at the time.”

“Surely you haven’t spent the whole six weeks at my bedside?”

He shook his head. “I still needed to, like, sleep and stuff. But actually I’ve been spending time with the others. Even and I are friends now, which is really weird.”

“I’m glad you two have found this a bonding experience,” he teased.

“He’s been asking me one thousand questions about the past. And trying to study my Keyblade. He keeps trying to touch it, but I can’t risk anyone inheriting that shit. No more kids are going to go through what I went through. This thing dies with me.”

There was a beat of silence. Ienzo dropped his eyes for a moment and felt at the quilt as though he weren’t sure it was real. “I’m glad you have Arpeggio back.”

“Me too,” he said. “But it took a lot of work. A lot or work. A lot of learning bad stuff about myself.” He tapped his thumbs together. “I think I want to study healing.”

Ienzo blinked. “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean. I know it’s dumb, and I’m probably too stupid, but--”

“No. Neither it nor you are stupid. I think you’d be wonderful.”

He blushed. “I don’t want to feel helpless again. And if I can keep others from feeling that way…”

“If this is what your heart says to do, do it.”

“I’ve been talking to Aerith. She’s really nice. I was going to start training with her once you got better.” He sighed. “But in a weird way I’ve been lonely. I’ve… really missed you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t be. You saved me.”

“Do you really believe you wouldn’t have woken up?”

A shudder went through him. Demyx pulled his knees close. “It was dark in that water,” he said slowly. “Dark and cold. And there was so much pain I didn’t think I could stand all of it. There was this little bit of me that just said to let go. And if I did I wouldn’t have woken up.”

“You would’ve lost the will to live.”

He nodded. “And I was going to do it. I was so, so close. I didn’t know how to get free. But then I felt you drag me out of the water, and I heard your voice, and I remembered that there are good things, too. I have to make this third or fourth or whatever chance worth it. Because I’m not gonna get another one.” He paused. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about stuff.”

Ienzo hugged him. At the touch Demyx felt a fresh onslaught of weepiness and a rush of affection. “If you want to heal bodies,” Ienzo said slowly, “I want to heal minds.”

Demyx pulled away. “Saving me nearly killed you.” He was not going to let Ienzo do this again. It wasn’t worth the cost.

Ienzo shook his head. “Maybe not literally. Maybe not with magic. Maybe with… with words. It can be a work in progress.”

“That sounds… good. Who knows. We all need a bit of help.”

----

The first few days Ienzo was conscious were easy, and gave Demyx probably too much hope. According to Aerith, aside from some headaches he was perfectly healthy. He just needed to get stronger.

“How’s the studying going?” Aerith asked him.

“It’s going,” Demyx said. “Makes me feel stupid. But I feel like I’m starting to wrap my head around it.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Are you still interested?”

He considered. “Yeah. I mean, yes.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a few books. “Start reading and memorizing these.”

He wrinkled his nose, but took the volumes. “Never as simple as a Cure spell,” he muttered.

“You haven’t seen anything. Feel free to call me about it anytime. Don’t rush, though.”

Ienzo was still weak and tired easily. They took walks to try and rebuild his strength. Sometimes they talked; mostly they didn’t. Demyx wished he could be witty, could tell jokes and make him smile. He seemed so listless. Had Ienzo seen something in those weeks of dreams? Was he simply exhausted?

Demyx felt weirdly numb. He was fairly sure this disconnect didn’t reflect on their relationship--he still loved him so impossibly much--but on something within. The inside of his head felt smooth and quiet. Food, even the good food Ienzo made, tasted bland. Sleep was still hard, even when they were in the same bed.

“Demyx?”

Ienzo’s voice startled him.

“Are you alright?”

The words took a moment to process. He looked down to his half-eaten toast. “I’m fine. A little tired.”

Ienzo cocked his head slightly. “You seem very tired lately.”

He shrugged. “It’s the cold. Wears me out.”

Ienzo sat across from him at the table. “Are you sure it’s nothing more? You haven’t seemed yourself lately.” Ienzo took his hand.

“I’m still learning who that is,” he said softly.

“Well, then how do you feel?”

“Honestly?”

Ienzo nodded.

It seemed to take time to find the strength to speak. “Mostly--tired,” he said. “Tired, and numb. I thought I was supposed to be happy. We can finally put our lives together. And it seems like every day I feel a little weaker.”

“Because of your memories? And what you learned about yourself finding Arpeggio?”

“I… guess.” Demyx’s hand trembled and he withdrew it. “It’s just like. Why did I survive out of those thousands of wielders? And why is it that I of all people remember what happened? It feels so senseless. Couldn’t I have fought harder? Saved someone?”

“You were a child,” Ienzo said. “You were trying to stay alive.”

“And why did Xehanort choose me? I wasn’t ever the strongest and I never could collect as much lux as the others. Again and again I was his puppet. And he threw me away.”

He frowned. “Do you see yourself as not having worth?”

Demyx scoffed. “As a pawn? Absolutely. But as a real person?” He shrugged.

Ienzo digested all this. “I think you’re depressed,” he said slowly.

Of course. Tragedy over, he was in the processing phase. And that was immeasurably icky. “I guess so. I am just so tired of constantly fighting.”

“I know you are. But you’re done fighting now.”

“Not really.” He smiled dryly. “Still have to get my shit together. That’s an uphill battle.”

“Maybe I can help you,” Ienzo said. “I have studied psychology, after all.”

He snorted. “Not that I doubt your competence, but wouldn’t it be a huge conflict of interest if my boyfriend were my therapist?”

He dropped his eyes, as he was wont to do every time he had to think through something. “Perhaps you’re right. I’m not certain who else here you would feel comfortable talking to, though.”

Ienzo had a point. Demyx didn’t feel nearly secure enough in his new bonds with the others to bring up his past--moreso than the scant summation he gave Even. “...I guess you’re right.”

Ienzo’s eyes glinted. “You can’t let these feelings fester. They’ll worsen.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You’re hurting too.”

“Don’t be absurd.”

“Ienzo.” He took a breath. Demyx was getting better at reading him. He was evading like hell. “Let me help you too.”

“You have none of the training.”

“I can listen,” he said.

Ienzo’s calm exterior slipped for a moment.

“I know you have a lot to say. Tell me the story.”

“Will you tell me yours?”

He nodded.

“It’s a deal.”

Later that afternoon, they sat on cushions in front of the library’s fireplace under blankets. Ienzo blew into his hands, shivering almost audibly. The cold almost--but not quite--distracted him from the massive lump of panic lodged in his chest. “I’ve never done this before. Therapy.”

Ienzo smiled a little. “I’ve never counselled. It’s not as if you can make mistakes in this process. Take things at your own pace. We’ve got time.”

Beneath the blanket, his hands shook. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Maybe start with how you’re feeling,” Ienzo suggested gently.

“I feel… mostly numb. And anxious. And jittery, like someone’s going to come around a corner and get me. Sleeping is hard. Eating is hard.”

“You’ve barely touched your sitar.”

“Exactly. It’s like my whole head is quiet. Even before I had all my memories, yeah I was messed up, but I still wanted to be alive.”

Ienzo’s face remained suspiciously blank. “Do you want to die?”

“Not… die,” Demyx said. He twisted a corner of the blanket in his hands. “Just… not exist, you know.”

Demyx knew this wasn’t easy to hear. Ienzo took a moment to think.  “Unfortunately, you’re feeling this way because you’re whole,” he said. “Often the human mind can’t fully comprehend a traumatic situation until after it’s over. Once you’re out, the symptoms become more prominent. It doesn’t help that you had to repress years and years of your time as a Keyblade wielder. It’s a lot of work for the mind to do all at once. It’s actually a miracle you’re as stable as you are.”

“That’s because of you,” Demyx said quietly. “Not because of the power of love or all that. It’s when you were in my head. I know the memories are still there. I remember them. But at the same time, something about it stopped it from hurting so much.”

“I can’t say for certain what I did,” he said. “As I remember it, I was brought to a beach and I found you in the water. I took you out of it. And that’s all. Though--I’m afraid I don’t understand this new power of mine, at all. I’m not even sure I can replicate it, or if I would want to. The strain on my body is clearly too much.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to,” Demyx said. He picked lint off of the blanket.

“The good thing is that by processing these things, the symptoms will lessen,” Ienzo said. “But you’ll have to feel these emotions instead of bottling them up.”

“Oh, goody,” he mumbled.

Ienzo tried to smile. “I’ve been where you are. I am where you are. It’s not easy. But you have to. And you have to want to.”

“I do,” he said. He exhaled. “I want to be happy, and I want to be good, and frankly it really royally fucking sucks that now we have to deal with this shit instead of just, like, hanging out and going on dates and living. Like what kind of negative fucking karma did I gather in my previous life? Was everything I did as Demyx that bad? Do I somehow deserve this?”

“You’re not alone, feeling that way.” He sat up a little straighter. “You and I have had abnormal childhoods, and abnormal adolescences, constantly under the control of one adult or another who was playing god with us. Now that we’re real people, and adults, coming to terms with that utter lack of agency is almost impossible.”

“Agency?” Demyx asked. “God damn it. You’re right.”

“From now on I choose my own path,” he said, very softly, as though quoting someone.

“But how?”

He shrugged.  “Demyx, I really don’t know. We both want to help people, right?”

He nodded.

“And yet, we cannot adequately help others without taking care of ourselves. As I’ve learned.”

Demyx leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.

“It’ll be best to take things easy for a little while,” he said. “Do what you can, when you can. This cold doesn’t help either. But getting stagnant will only keep you in that mindset.”

For a few minutes he watched the fire burn across the thick logs. “What about you?” Demyx asked.

“What about me?”

“How do you feel?”

Ienzo looked down. “I feel…” He paused. “Since I regained the lexicon, I feel stable. But at the same time it seems like a false stability. And I’m not sure if that certainty of falsehood comes from a place of truth or a place of paranoia. Hardly anything in my life has ever been stable.”

“So it feels wrong for things to even out?”

“I… yes. It does. And it shouldn’t. I know that much.”

“I know what you mean.”

The fire was getting low. They had to either stoke it or leave. “Do you want to keep talking, or take a break?” Ienzo asked.

“We can keep talking. It’s even colder downstairs.” He took a few logs off of the pile and placed them inside. “How did you ever grow up in this place, anyway?”

“Well, to be fair I only lived here three years. From after my parents died, up until I became a Nobody.”

“...Is it starting to feel like home again?”

Ienzo ran a hand through his bangs.  “Yes and no,” he said. “There are terrible memories tied up in this place, and deep, unshakeable betrayals. And yet. As I’m learning to forgive everyone, and myself, those bonds are healing. And you’ve given me some good memories here, too. But this is as much home as I’ve ever had. At this point I have to create these concepts for myself. I never had them before.”

“What? Of home?”

“Of family,” he said softly.

Demyx curled a strand of hair around his finger. “I never really had that either,” he said.

“No? Not even when you were a child?”

He snorted. “How do you think this child army thing worked?”

“I do not understand.”

Demyx started fidgeting again. “Well I mean. There were all sortsa different levels to it. Like, there were the wielders who were nobility, and kept passing it down to each other. And then there were just regular families who kept their Keyblades in their family line. And then there were just random ass people who happened to be “worthy” of it.” He said this bitterly. “Lucky me, I was part of the last group.”

“So wielders were the majority group?” He sounded confused.

“I mean, kinda yeah. Even if you didn’t use it, or train with it, you still had one. There were whole sects who spent their lives doing whatever they thought it took to get a Keyblade, just to look better. Remember that there weren’t Heartless or anything then. It’s purely a status symbol. But around the time I was a baby Heartless did start popping up, taken from the future via the Book of Prophecies or what the fuck ever. And the Foretellers realized they had all this free labor to do the fighting. To gather the light.”

Ienzo leaned forward. The same attentive stare that Even had given him.

The words were pouring out of him, half memory and half revelation. “But of course all the rich snobs aren’t going to do jack shit. And the people that were willing got their asses kicked, or straight up died, and a lot of them had families of their own. But kids, you know, have strong light. What better way to get people to hand them over then feed them a bunch of propaganda about honor? And if they were poor, a promise of three hots and a cot?”

“And that’s what happened to you.”

Demyx nodded. “Yeah. I don’t even really remember my parents, at all. I used to have a picture of them, but… well. It’s lost now."

Ienzo took a moment to digest all this information. “So you were really on your own.”

“Yeah. The older kids would kind of look after the little ones until they were big enough to go out on their own. If you were lucky, you became part of a fighting party and made friends. I was part of a couple, but there’s all the typical drama and infighting and cliquishness. There was a lot of fighting. A lot of fighting.”

“Your parents couldn’t visit you?”

“I’m not really sure,” Demyx said. “I visited them, in my spare time. It was my mom who taught me music. But they... you know, it was hard for the two of them to get by, and they moved around a lot. Eventually... I couldn't find them again."

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” He sighed. “I’m sure they had their reasons.”

“I also know what it means to be abandoned.” Ienzo whispered it.

“It really righteously sucks.” He tried to inject some humor into the words, but it fell flat. “Oh boy. Haven’t had to unpack that in a while. Yikes.”

““Yikes” is right.”

He laughed, a stifled, awkward sound, and touched his brow. “I always get thrown to the wolves.” The laughter dissolved.

“Let yourself feel it.”

The pain was sharp and sudden, like a stab in the back. His chest and stomach were in knots. Ienzo pulled him close. “I feel sick,” Demyx said through his teeth. “These fucking -- These people are supposed to care about us. Why don’t they?”

“I don’t know. I don’t…” Ienzo’s voice wavered, losing its previous professionalism. Demyx tried to fight off and compartmentalize it automatically. It took strength to let it batter him. Reminded him too much of drowning in memory. Ienzo was shaking, crying quietly.

After a while, he went from taking the pain to treading it. Demyx’s breathing grew more even. Despite raw eyes, he felt a sliver of relief. They lay down by the dying fire. “Why do people cry?” Demyx asked.

“Well, interesting thing about that. When certain emotions rise too high in the body, tears are produced to return the body to homeostasis. Which explains the numbness while crying, and the sense of relief afterwards. Why is it you ask?”

“Just… wondered,” he said slowly.

“Do you feel a little better?”

He laughed weakly. “I kind of don’t want to talk about feelings right now. If it’s all the same.”

“Yes… I am tired.”

Demyx looked up at the ceiling. It really was lovely, even in the semidarkness; the marble dome was interspersed with stained glass depicting the founding of Radiant Garden. Before he could study them much closer, he saw Ienzo in his peripheral, watching him curiously and also warily. He forced a smile.

“We should go. It’ll be getting cold soon,” Ienzo said.

He thought about this for a moment. Wrapped up like this in myriad blankets and layers, he was hardly cold. The look in Ienzo’s eyes had softened. A little shiver that had nothing to do with cold passed through him. “I… I want to stay a little longer,” Demyx said. “It’s nice here by the fire.”

Ienzo sat up a little. “If you would like to be alone with me, you need only ask.”

Another chill, deeper this time. He touched Ienzo’s face. “Isn’t it kind of messed up though? That after this whole deep and complex conversation I want to--”

“I’m sure there’s some kind of deeper reasoning behind it, but frankly right now I do not care,” he said, and kissed him.

It seemed like it had been so long since they’d kissed like this. Demyx pulled him still closer and slid his hands under the layers of sweaters to find skin. Ienzo certainly didn’t feel cold anymore. He straddled him. His long bangs brushed against Demyx’s throat. He brushed his lips against Ienzo’s jaw. His hands fumbled oddly at Demyx’s sides. He started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Demyx asked.

“There is altogether too much fabric. It feels like fondling potatoes.”

“Oh my god.” He laughed too, some of the tension easing. “Maybe we should continue this in your room?”

“I should… I should like that.”

They ended up having to sneak past everyone like they were teenagers and not fully consenting adults. It was probably the most normal moment of their relationship yet. Once in the relative privacy of Ienzo’s room, he stripped quickly and curled under the covers. “Cold. Cold. Cold.”

Ienzo rolled his eyes. “Not exactly erotic, is it?”

“You want erotic, come back to me when it’s not negative eight thousand degrees in here.”

“I highly doubt it’s that cold.” But Demyx saw him flinch when he removed his sweater. Ienzo crawled in next to him and shivered. “There’s months more of this yet.”

“God--makes me want to scream.”

“Well, I’m afraid you’re going to have to contain yourself and be very quiet. Where were we?” He kissed him. Demyx felt vaguely tingly, and weirdly nervous. It had been a while but not that long.

He brought Ienzo under him and tugged the blanket up over his shoulders to keep them warm. Demyx reached down to brush the hair out of his eyes. “Are you still cold?”

He shook his head.

“What do you want to do?”

He blushed. Hesitated. Then, barely above a whisper, “Make love to me.”

Demyx nodded very seriously. He shifted slightly, easing Ienzo’s knees apart and settling between them. He tried not to will his hands to shake. He could already feel the tip of Ienzo’s dick brushing against his stomach. Demyx felt completely weak. He touched the insides of his thighs and heard Ienzo stifle a small sound in his throat.

“You can tell me what feels good and what doesn’t, you know,” he said softly. “I can’t read your mind.”

“It would be so much easier if you could.”

He chuckled. “Having someone else in your head isn’t all that much fun.” He traced circles on Ienzo’s inner thigh. “It’s right there, isn’t it?” He responded by kissing Demyx deeply. They barely knew each other’s bodies. Demyx wanted to explore him, to make him feel good. He reached up against the soft skin of Ienzo’s side. “And here?” He leaned down to kiss it and gratified in the small noise Ienzo made before he quickly covered his own mouth. “I love watching you.”

Ienzo ran his hand through Demyx’s hair, letting it catch at the nape of his neck. He touched the same spot on Demyx’s chest, delicate and light, and he couldn’t hide his change in expression. “I thought so,” he said. His hand drifted farther down, between Demyx’s legs, his touch light and maddening. Demyx kissed him.

He was completely breathless. “I think maybe now is a good time to--”

“It’s in the same place. The lube.” There was a sort of rawness in his eyes Demyx had never seen before. It was really turning him on. It was less awkward this time to put the lube on his fingers and to position themselves. “I just want you to be comfortable.” There was not quite as much resistance when Demyx slipped a finger into him. Ienzo barely flinched. “You okay?”

“It’s a lot less tight.”

“That happens,” he said. The second finger also went in fairly easily.

Ienzo laughed a little.

“You’re cracking up today,” Demyx said.

“Kind of an inside joke, with myself,” he said. “You’ve helped me change so much. Of course it would be there too.”

Demyx snickered. “Anyone ever tell you you’re a weird guy?”

“Sometimes a little weird is okay.”

“I think it’s kinda hot,” he said. He withdrew his fingers and lubed himself up. There was still so much vulnerability in this, even as it became familiar. Ienzo shifted his hips forward slightly. This probably wasn’t the best position, but Demyx liked being able to see his face and kiss him. He gripped Ienzo’s thigh and eased in. The amount of friction was incredible and he gasped out loud. Ienzo’s hand, at his hip, curled a little. He absolutely had to move. He tried to be gentle.  “Slower? Faster?”

“Slow is good.”

“...I was hoping you’d say that.” It wasn’t long before he could feel the knot in his stomach begin to tighten. He started to thrust with a little less restraint. The reaction was immediate; he heard Ienzo gasp. “Is that it? There?”

“Yes,” he whispered. He started bucking up against him.

The tension inside of him was getting stronger. He may have been more pent up but he really didn’t want to come first. This was about Ienzo. But he couldn’t fight it. Everything went dizzy for a moment, unfocused. The high of it blunted his senses. He eased his weight off Ienzo and noticed his trembling hands, the stickiness at his hips. “You okay?” Ienzo asked shakily.

“Dizzy.” Demyx lay down next to him.  “I think we came at the same time.”

“Is that unusual?” He reached for a handkerchief to wipe off his belly. He wrinkled his nose.

“I don’t know. Maybe?”

Mess dealt with, Ienzo wrapped his arms around Demyx’s waist and rested with him. “So people really just do this whenever they want?”

He snorted. “You don’t need, like, a special occasion to have sex.”

“Some things still seem rather bizarre to me.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean.”

He brought the blankets up more tightly around them. “How old were you? The first time?”

Demyx blew a raspberry. “Seventeen. There was a guy in the Dandelions. We went on a few missions together. We’re all thinking, like, the end of the world is coming, and post-fight adrenaline plus teenage hormones is hard to resist. Yeah. But we weren’t like… in love, or anything. He was the only one I slept with. Before you, I mean. Why is it you ask?”

Ienzo shrugged. “Merely curious. So there was no one in the Organization?”

He raised an eyebrow. “ In the Organization?”

“While we were in the Organization.”

He shook his head. “Nah. I know some of the others tried that to feel something. I didn’t really care though.”

Ienzo nodded and lay back down. His eyes were bright. “I should like to take a nap,” he said.

“I’m getting good at wearing you out,” he teased.

“Amongst other things.” He yawned.

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Fate (c.e.) (5/6)

Chapter Five- Chance

Pairing: Professor!Chris Evans x Student!OFC

Word count: 4.2k

Summary: fate (noun): the development of events beyond a person’s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power. (verb): be destined to happen, turn out, or act in a particular way.

Amara is about to start her senior year of college with her newly single best friend, Elizabeth. She goes out one night and meets a handsome stranger, Chris. Sparks fly. Fast forward a week and she finds out Chris is her professor. What happens when she also meets Sebastian, a cute guy from another one of her classes?

Series masterlist

The weeks go by and Sebastian has been the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for. He does everything right. He texts me cute quotes that make him think of me, he sent me flowers and sweets when my time of the month came, he picks Lizzie and me up on the mornings we all have class at the same time, he brings us food twice a week as we have binge-watching sessions at our place, he gets along with Lizzie so well they’ve quickly become besties, and so much more. He isn’t clingy, he’s considerate, he’s a perfect gentleman… He’s literally perfectly.

Then why do I look forward to when he leaves so I can be alone?

How crappy of a human being am I to not want to be with my boyfriend?

I was hoping as time went on, I would grow to love him; that the more time I spent with him I would get over what is holding me back… No such luck.

My favorite part of my day is when I go to his class. It’s like an escape. It’s a place I can forget what’s out there waiting for me. I’ve actually stayed the entire class time now, just to keep to myself for a little while longer… and shamelessly stare at him.

Every day I swear he gets more beautiful. His golden brown hair is always slicked back, begging to be messed up. His ensembles leave nothing to the imagination. His torso is the perfect “V,” giving into his lean waist which is always wrapped in excellent fitting slacks, contrary to their name.

I was doing fine keeping my distance, only looking and not touching, until he made the announcement:

“The sign-up sheet for Mid-term meetings is now up on the class page. Please make your appointments as soon as you possibly can. Meetings will start on Friday. I look forward to seeing how you’ve all improved within the last few weeks.”

Crap. I had totally forgotten about the mid-term meeting. I can’t be alone with him again, as much as I want to be. This time we have to be completely professional. We need to talk about his class and nothing else. We cannot have a repeat of our last meeting.

I complain about it when Lizzie and I got back to our apartment. I didn’t want to mention it in front of Sebastian for obvious reasons. “What do you think I should do? Wait until the last possible appointment or rip the band-aid off and just get it over with?” I ask hoping she could help make my decision.

She sighs, “As much as I want to tell you what you should do, you’ve got to make this decision on your own.” She pats my shoulder before retreating to her room. I go to mine and fall on my bed.

I log onto the class page to look at the appointment times available. Surprisingly and disappointingly, I didn’t see my name anywhere on the schedule this time. I guess he learned his lesson from the first time. I stare at the schedule, hoping the answer will come to me.

My phone dings, signaling a new email. I pull it up on my laptop, shocked at what I find.

“Miss Remington, You do not have to make an appointment, if you do not wish to. Your submissions have been flawless, needing no improvements. Just continue to turn in something every class and you will receive an A at end of term.                                                                    -C”

I stare at the email, disappointment flowing through me. Does he not want to see me? Has he moved on from me? Has he gotten back together with her? There could be no other reason for this email. I refuse to believe my submissions have been “flawless.” There is always room for improvements. Always.

My thoughts were interrupted again by my phone dinging. I click back to my inbox to see another email from him. “But please do…” was all it said. My heart rate picked up, tossing all of my previous thoughts out the window. He could have just left it at the first email, but no. He felt sending those last three words were necessary to convey how he feels. He wants to see me outside of the classroom setting as much as I want to see him again.

Well that answers my original dilemma. I checked the schedule for Friday and decided on the last appointment for that day, but I didn’t put my name down for it. I didn’t want him to know or think he was the reason why I scheduled it. I’ll keep an eye on it all week to see if anyone officially snags it. I closed my laptop with a hopeful feeling I haven’t had for a very long time. 

Wednesday came and Robert called me and Lizzie to see if we could bartend and waitress, claiming all of them are sick and he’s on vacation. Robert hired Lizzie and me as hostesses when we started school, eventually we were promoted to waitresses. Then when we turned 21, we dabbled in bartending. He gave us off for this last year so we could focus on finishing, but we told him we would help out if he was in dire need. He tells me this is one of those instances. We happily agree knowing it was going to be a slow night and it’d be easy money. We were right. Only regulars and a couple stragglers came in making for a stress-free evening. We always enjoy the witty banter we have with the regulars. They give us grief for not being there anymore, claiming the other bartenders don’t make their drinks as good as we do. They toast to my internship but complain that I won’t be there for entertainment. There really is no pleasing them. I just shake my head at them. Overall the night was enjoyable…

Until he walked in.

“Amara?” He says when he sees me. “I didn’t know you worked here.” He takes a seat at the bar in front of me.

“Yep.” I start wiping off the sticky bottles, trying to appear busy. “I have for a few years now. Gotta pay bills somehow.” I continue not looking at him while I ask what he’d like. I grab him a beer and put in his food order.

“Will you please look at me?” He quietly asks when there’s a lull in the night.

“I’m working.”

“That means you can’t look at me?” He asks a little louder.

“I’m busy. What do you want me to do? Ignore all of my other customers because you’re here?” I move to the computer so I can put in my tips from the night.

“Take a look around, Amara.”

I don’t need to in order to know that he’s the only one left at the bar. Lizzie has two tables left. She’s off at a different table rolling silverware and eyeing us every few seconds. This is typical for this time of night. With us closing in half an hour, everyone is mostly gone by now. Last call was made and everyone for the kitchen and alcohol so now all that is left is to start cleaning up.

“I’m well aware.” I don’t take my eyes off the screen, trying to show indifference. Even though all I want to know is why he’s here. Why did he decide to come in tonight of all nights? What are the freaking chances that he would choose to come here on the first night I’ve worked in weeks?

He begs, “Then can you please talk to me?”

“What is there to say?” I blurt exasperated. I finally look at him. God he’s gorgeous. Seeing him in casual clothes instead of the usual button-up, dress pants, and tie. Just like the first time I saw him. His normal gelled hair has lost some of its sturdiness, looking soft enough to still run my fingers through. Now that I see him up close he looks tired. Slight bags have formed under his eyes. Have the past few weeks exhausted him? Or was this recent? “We’re still in the same situation as before; nothing has changed. You’re still you and I’m still me. How many times are we going to have this conversation before we realize we don’t have a chance in hell?”

“It’s time to go, Mr. Evans.” Lizzie steps in, seeing how emotional I’m starting to get. She knows I wouldn’t walk away from this conversation without getting hurt. She’s being a really good friend.

He wanted to protest but now that Lizzie has stepped in, he knows it’s over now. When he started to reach for his wallet, I told him not to worry about it before escaping to the back. It didn’t feel right taking his money especially right now.

“Are you okay?” She asks after he leaves, but quickly answers her own question, “Stupid question. Of course you’re not. Go home. I’ll close up.” I repeatedly ask if she’s sure as she shoos me out, telling me not to worry and to go home and rest. It’s a good thing we came separately otherwise I would have to come back for her. 

As soon as I left the bar, all I wanted to do was go home and go to bed. All of my energy was drained from trying to avoid him and then that conversation… I was not prepared to have a conversation like that with him. Is this all our conversations will ever entail? The fact that we can’t be together even though we want to? That’s pointless and disappointing. I know we can talk about other things. We have. I honestly don’t think we could again until we resolve our main issue. And it’s truly too bad because I know how engaging our conversations can be. But since that first night, all but one of our interactions have been about us and our inappropriate feelings for each other. I can’t stand it.

“Amara…” His voice fills the quiet parking lot. I turn to see he didn’t actually leave. He was sitting on a bench just outside the building. It’s meant to be a designated smoke spot for the bar. However since no one is currently using it for that purpose, he’s using it.

“Chris, can we please not do this? I’m tired, I stink, and I just want to go home.”

He stands from the bench and approaches me. “I won’t keep you. I just had to say something.” Before I could register what he was doing, he kisses me. It was quick, but still stole my breath away. He rests his forehead on mine with his eyes still closed, “I believe if we gave us a chance, we could be something great.” He takes a deep breath, pulling back slightly to look at me. “You might not think so right now and that’s fine,” he takes my hands in his, locking his bloodshot blue eyes with mine, “but I’m not going anywhere. I will wait as long as it takes because that’s how much I believe in this, in us.” His hand caresses my cheek after placing some of my hair behind my ear. He smiles gently. “So, take your time. You’re worth all of the time in the world.” With that, he walks away. He leaves me confused, flustered, and wanting so much more.

I go back in the bar to see Lizzie standing there with the mop. “What’d he say?” She asks knowing exactly what just happened. My confusion, now for her, caused her to answer my unspoken question, “I told him to wait for you outside.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because Remi, I saw how you looked at him. You have never looked at Sebastian that way; you’ve never looked at anyone like that before. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out.” She gives me the “you know I’m right” look, ceasing my forming argument. I know it would be pointless to deny it. Because of that, I stay quiet. “So, I told him to go outside and wait for you around the corner if he had any more to say. Obviously he said something so incredible that you came back in here to tell me, instead of waiting until I came home later.” She jutted out her hip, resting her fist on it. “So I will ask again: what did he say?”

“All of the right things.” I confess, hoping she understands what I’m getting at. She sighs and nods. She knew what I had to do. So did I. It wasn’t going to be easy, but hopefully the end result will be worth it.

“I kinda knew this was coming.” Sebastian says when I see him the next day. I didn’t even really have to say anything. I apologize because I know it wasn’t fair to him; because he doesn’t deserve this. “I’m surprised we lasted as long as we did.” He notes, taking all of this surprisingly well. “I could tell things were different from the start.”

“I’m so sorry. I wanted things to be different. I wanted it to work so badly, but-”

“But we’re obviously better off as friends.” He finishes seemingly on the same page.

“I truly hope we can still be friends because I do enjoy your company.” I know it’s one of the most cliché things to say during a break-up but in this case it’s true.

“Just not as your boyfriend.” He adds smirking.

“I really am sorry.” I apologize again. I worried about how he was going to take this all night. I didn’t know if he would be angry because I wasted his time or accuse me of having feelings for someone else… to which then I would tell him the truth. But I was most afraid he would be confrontational, making this even harder. However, I also knew that wasn’t his style. He doesn’t get angry. He is very level-headed about things that make him upset. My fear of confrontation was overriding my rational thinking.

“It’s honestly alright. I don’t regret anything. I would love if we could still hang out.” He smiles at me without any trace of hostility. “Besides, who else am I going to watch Gilmore Girls with? I need to find out if Luke and Lorelai end up together or not.”

And just like that, I had a new best friend. I may have lost my boyfriend but he’s right. We are obviously better as friends.

“Will you just tell me one thing?” He asks when I get up to leave. I nod. “Do you think we would have had a better chance if we met first?”

I shrug, “I don’t know.” He nods. “I wish I could give you an answer but I can’t.”

He nods again then smiles. I lean down, kissing his cheek. “You deserve the world,” I whisper.

“So do you.” He whispers back. “Now go get him.” He chuckles. “And if he hurts you, I will not hesitate to kick his ass.”

I giggle at his threat. “I would expect nothing less.”

Despite Sebastian’s go-ahead, I couldn’t make the leap. Not right away at least. I’ve tried to stay away from jumping from one relationship to another. It was a habit I had in high school I never wanted to go back to. So, I waited. It killed me, but I did. Lizzie and Sebastian never failed to gang up on me, pushing me to talk to him and tell him. They had become quite the pair, more so after we broke up. They’re favorite activity was banding against me when it came to deciding anything. My favorite was when they were on opposite ends of the spectrum and they would turn to me to break the tie. That was when I got my payback, vetoing their choices and going for my own.

For weeks, I kept my feelings to myself, counting down the days until the final class, a.k.a. when he is no longer my professor. As much as I wanted to be with him, I didn’t want it to be while he was my teacher. When I finally confess to him how I feel, I don’t want there to be any complications. Waiting until the very last day was the only time to do it. The “when” and the “what” were decided. All that was left was the “how.” How was I going to tell him? I don’t just want to say it outright. I voiced my thoughts to Lizzie and Sebastian to see if they would have any ideas.

“Dude.” Sebastian quirks his eyebrow at me. He gave Lizzie a look.

“He’s right.” She speaks as if reading his mind. “You’re a writer. Use it.”

With their encouragement, I began the painstaking journey of trying to write down how I felt about him. However it proved to be more difficult than anticipated. How do you write down that is indescribable? I tried multiple times, but nothing could accurately describe how he makes me feel. So instead of feelings, I focused on words. I ran over all of the conversations we’ve had. Slowly something came together. By my deadline, I had the perfect last entry to give him. I even let Lizzie read it. She swooned.

“Do you think he will get the message?” I skeptically ask. I included a secret message into the letter. I haven’t figured out if it was a good or bad idea yet.

She snorts, “If I can figure it out, so can he.”

So here we are. The last day of class. Since he doesn’t give tests, there will be no formal final. Just one last entry to turn in that we don’t mind not getting back, He handed back to each of us a manila folder with all of our submissions and an evaluation sheet containing our final grade. Once the last student had theirs, he stood in the middle of the front.

“I want to thank all of you for making my first semester here one to remember. You all have bright futures ahead of you. I can’t wait to see your names in print someday.” He beams with pride as he glances around the room. “You’ve made me very proud.” His eyes lock with mine. “Thank you for changing my life.” He returns his attention back to the rest of the class. “Alright, that’s all I have. You have the rest of the time to complete your last entry. I only have one request: make it special.”

As soon as he finished speaking, everyone got to work. No one came prepared with something at his request. I of course ignored that but stayed regardless. I wanted to be the last one out. I had special instructions for him and didn’t want anyone else around to hear them. To pass the time, I read and re-read my letter to him, going over everything with a fine-toothed comb to make sure it was perfect.

I sneak a glimpse at the man who stole my heart to see he was already looking at me.

He holds up a sheet of paper: “Final after this?” I smile at the reference to our first class. I shake my head just as I had that day. With my next final not until 2, I’ve got plenty of time. He immediately flips the page over to reveal his pre-written answer: “Be the last one out.” I nod once before turning my attention back to my letter. Now more than before I was excited to give it to him. My only fear was he wouldn’t understand my hidden message.

It was an hour and a half before we were the last two in the room.

“I’m getting a sense of déjà vu.” I comment when the door closes.

“Except you’re not crying this time.” He points out with a smirk on his gorgeous face. I chuckle remembering the day like it was yesterday. He comes to sit on the step right next to my aisle seat.

“As soon as I hand you this,” I clench the piece of paper in between my fingers, “you’re no longer my professor.”

“Finally.” He whispers under his breath.

“I just have one request.” He nods. “You wait until 4 to read it.” He starts to protest. “You have to promise me you won’t even peek at it until 4 o’clock on the dot.”

He runs his fingers through his hair, “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” He then runs his hands over his face, sighing, “I will be thinking about it all damn day.”

I giggle, putting away my other stuff. “That was kind of the point.” As we stand up, I hand him my paper. He keeps his eyes on mine as he took possession of it. I can tell how badly he wants to look down. I hold out my pinkie. “Promise me.” He intertwines his pinkie with mine, sealing his promise to me. With that, I leave the classroom.

I don’t see Lizzie or Sebastian until 4 when all of our finals are finished for the day. By then I have half an hour to go home and get ready for tonight. I have to be at the bar before 5. If all goes according to plan, it could be a night to remember. In case something goes wrong, I have Liz and Seb as back-ups. I just hope nothing goes awry. They wish me good luck while pushing me out the door.

As I pull up to Robert’s, I head in to give whoever is working the bar the low-down on what is going to happening. Thankfully, it was Robert so I know he’ll be thrilled to help.

“Oh that guy who comes in every Wednesday? He’ll for sure be here.” He says this like it’s not a big deal when in fact, it is. “He comes in here hoping to see you.”

“So you had me work on a Wednesday night knowing he would be here?” I’m in shock. I’m flabbergasted. He purposely asked me to work on the one night he knew Chris would be looking for me. “Were the other bartenders even sick?”

He only chuckles before returning to his job. Well that’s my answer. “What do you need me to do?”

“Clear out?” I give him a hopeful smile knowing how big my request is. I’m putting all of my faith in his soft spot for me.

He sighs, “He means that much to you?”

I nod. “I honestly think he could.”

“Alright,” He sighs again, “but you’ll owe me big time.” Just like in the movies, he shouts that the bar is closed and all of their food and drinks are on him for the night. Before the chef leaves, he makes two Skippy burgers and two orders of deep fried green beans for us, wishing me luck.

From there, I wait. I wait on the exact bar stool where sparks flew while walls came tumbling down. That night replays in my mind as if it had just happened: the way the conversation between us flowed as if we had known each other all of our lives instead of a mere hour; how being around him felt like the most natural thing in the world; everything about him made me feel like we were meant to be in each other’s lives… he made me feel like I was home. I held onto that feeling as I eagerly await his arrival.

To keep my mind from completely freaking out, I take out my notebook to continue writing in my story. Oddly enough it’s the same story I was writing in three months ago. I dive right in, zoning out everything else around me.

“Whatchya writin’?”

I have to bite my lip to keep myself calm. He figured it out. He’s here. I meet his beautiful baby blues. He smirks at me from the next seat over, exactly where he was the first time I saw him. He dawns more formal wear this time though. His classroom vest and tie combo is removed, leaving the white button-up and adding a jacket. He looks just as gorgeous, if not even more so, than the first time. My heart smiles knowing he is here. He kept his word.

“Just jotting down all of the ways I could fall in love with everyone in this bar and make it last forever…” And I plan on making that come true…

He gets off his stool, coming up to me spinning my stool to face him. He steps between my legs, locking eyes with me. “Oh yeah? What are some of those ways?”

I slightly exaggerate a gasp, “A true romantic never reveals their methods.” He quirks his eyebrow at me. “But how about I show you instead?”

“Deal.”

He brings his lips to mine as if welcoming them back to where they belong. Because they do. We belong together. He belongs with me and I to him. I know that. I accept that now. There’s nothing holding us back anymore… and I believe that’s how fate would have had it.

Chapter Six- Fate

Permanent taglist: @elusive-beauty @drakesfiance @im-a-slut-for-an-accent @fantasy-is-my-reality @naniky

[againmendes]

no more pushing - shawn mendes

requested - yes! 

based off this resquest -  Oh could you write a Shawn x reader where she's been pushing herself a lot to look a certain way for a movie or an ad campaign or something and he gets really worried especially cause her whole team's on board with her doing that? Pretty please? 😘

word count - 1566

pairing - shawn x reader

warnings - kind of? mentions of messing up eating patterns & not eating as much. if you’re not into that, maybe not read? a little bit of cussing but not much. 

author’s note - i feel like i messed up the ending, and i may have made her job sound a little weird but i needed it to fit without changing what my original plan was, haha. unedited because i just had to sit down to write this.  anyways, hopefully you guys like it and requests are still open !! 

there was something off about y/n, and shawn knew it. you were having trouble with your job and even though you were constantly putting a smile on your face and looking sweet and happy for all of yours (and shawns) fans but shawn knew better than to believe how you looked out in the public. the man was fully aware that you were just putting on a mask to cover your true feelings and to make sure you look happy. it was sweet that you do that for everyone around you, but honestly he just wanted you to be honest with him

and the thing is, he knew what was wrong. 

you were a glorious, and gorgeous girl who was always working on fitness and improving yourself both mentally and physically. you had always been a big fan of any sort of model for fitness brands such as adidas, under armour and nike. actually, you tend to admire the models’ bodies on the nike posters you would see around. and one day you had finally been given an offer you had been dreaming of - you were the next face of the new nike line. 

from how long shawn had known you, he was well aware of how you always wanted to be up on fitness posters, looking so strong and confident. he always thought you were but he knew that you have been so focused on modeling for brands such as guess, tommy hilfiger, etc. that you haven’t been focusing as much on your build you would need for a nike photo shoot. and he had been happy for you when he heard about it. 

that was until he noticed how much you had been... well changing. 

he, and mostly everyone knew, that most models have strict diets to keep their bodies looking amazing, and that the diets are combined with daily work outs to stay in shape. it was effective to everyone, and he knew that you ate different than him - because he sucks ass at eating the way he is supposed to, which he blames on traveling so much even though that is just an excuse - and that it was normal for you to eat very healthy. but now he has been noticing that you were eating less and less, and working out at least twice to three times as much. 

he hadn’t known that you were being supported in doing what you were doing, which was this: to build more muscle you were eating only foods that would build muscle faster, but instead of more meals you would have certain drinks to keep you full to prevent you from eating. or you would subisitute a meal with some shake of some sort. and then you started training harder at the gym to try and get a certain body build. 

at first he had been okay with it, but now it was about two weeks before the shoot and you started this absolutely bizarre diet to try and tone yourself out even more and define those gorgeous stomach muscles of yours. you were trying this stupid victoria’s secret angel diet that they use before the show and he hated it because you barely ate any solid food.

however what pissed him off even more, was the fact that everyone was supporting you on this. even the other models. it made him feel sick because he was seeing how it affected you. to any normal person it would seem like an eating disorder because shawn knew that you usually ate three meals a day, with a healthy snack or two thrown in there. yet ever since you stopped cutting back on a meal or two a day and drinking more smoothies and crap, you didn’t have nearly as much energy and you looked different to him. 

don’t get him wrong, he thought you were gorgeous no matter what but you were starting to do made worried him. 

and today he wanted to talk to you about it. “hey baby?” shawn called as he walked into the bathroom where you stood at the sink, hands in your hair while braiding it into tight boxer-braids. you hummed in response, turning your head to look at your boyfriend. “yeah?”

just by the way he looked at you, you could tell something was wrong. you weren’t quite sure what he was going to talk to you about, but you would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous. he could just ask you an innocent question, or it be a statement that leads to a heated conversation; something you wanted to avoid personally. 

“is everything okay? i’m starting to get worried about you.” his eyes were sunken while his gaze burned into your skull, your eyes fixated on him through the mirror as your fingers slowly secured your braid with a clear elastic, hearing a small snap-like soind when you let go of part of the elastic. you nodded her head and brushed both braids back over your shoulders. “yeah. why wouldn’t i be okay?” you replied, attempting to brush off the question as if it was nothing. 

yet you knew it was something. you were well aware that he knew something was going on with you. you had your fingers crossed for a while that he wouldn’t say, or notice, anything but shawn knew you better. he knew something was wrong with you because he had been your best-friend before he had been your boyfriend. you could hear him sigh and take a step or two towards you. 

“y/n/n, don’t like to me... please. i know you’re not okay. you’re so tired, you’re not eating enough, you’re barely ever home too. what is all of this about?” shawn asked.

the look you gave him was almost enough to make someone chuckle. but the look also confirmed any suspicions he had earlier. so this was about the ad campaign. his gaze softened as you turned your head away and down to the floor, hoisting yourself up onto the counter and placing your hands on the edges before your fingers curled around the cold stone on the counter. 

“i’m just nervous, i guess.” you speak, voice small. 

“‘bout what?” shawn questioned.

you scoff and looked up at him. “the whole ad campaign. i’m just nervous that i’m not going to look the way i should when i go in for the photo shoot and that they will back out on the offer, even though i’ve been so stoked about it.” you frown to yourself, kissing your teeth. 

“why are you so worried about how you’re going to look? you have more than enough muscle, and you’re perfectly fit and naturally stunning.” he spoke. his hand motioning to parts of your body as he spoke, but his eyes remained on yours.

“but is it enough?” 

“is what enough?” 

a soft sigh escapes your lips as you reach up and brush back the baby hairs that are already escaping your braids, before responding. “is what i look like enough? do i really have enough muscle? am i too busty, or not enough ab definition to look like the others? i feel like i don’t look good enough for the job and that’s why i’ve been eating differently and working out more. i need to get rid of any extra fat i may have and replace it with muscle. and i need more definition and i-” 

you were cut off by shawn’s finger being pressed to your lips and then his arms snaking around your waist and pulling you close so he was standing between your legs 

“baby, i don’t know why you’re stressing out so much about this.they asked you to be their main model for a reason baby, right? they asked you to be their model because they already thought you looked perfect. they already thought that you have enough muscle and the perfect body that they want representing their clothes. did they ever suggest you working on defining a six pack?” you shake your head. “that’s what i thought. so why worry about it? you look perfect, y/n. perfect for this gig. perfect for anything.” 

“but what if-” once again, shawn stopped you by cupping your cheeks and gently shaking your head, while his thumbs pressed against our mouth so your words hit his thumbs instead of finishing the sentence. 

“no. no ‘what if’s or ‘buts.’ i want to hear, okays, and that you will stop and go back to being normal okay? i don’t want you ruining any eating habits for this one job when you don’t need to. and i really don’t want you stressing about how you look. you look amazing, and so perfect.” 

a smile creeps onto your face as you look into his warm chocolate brown eyes, shaking your head. “you’re only saying that because you’re my boyfriend.” 

this time, shawn shakes his head and the pad of his thumb strokes back stray baby hairs in a soothing motion. “that’s not true. i say it because to me, it’s true. i would never ever lie to you about something like that.” shawn smiled cheekily at you, which only caused you to give him a peck on the lips.  “mm... really?” your voice was soft and lowered to a whisper as you look at him. 

“really, baby girl. don’t ever change.”

pretty please like and re-blog!!

[stluciasstudentjail]

For Renee: 15, 16, 25, 38, 21, A, G, E. For Alister: 1, 13, 22, 18, 21, 16, 31, E, . For Cas: 3, 15, 18, 21, 22, 31, 38, 43, 7, E. For Cameron: 1, 3, 7, 8, 10, 13, 17, 18, 21, 30, 32, A, E, B. For Rory: 2, 11, 14, 16, 25, 35, 40, A, B, E, G

ok u asked for it. I literally had to wait and do this on the computer bc like… I aint about to do all these on my phone

Renee:

15: It depends, sometimes she says stupid shit on the spot (especially when she’s mad) but she stops and tries to articulate her words when she’s trying to comfort or encourage someone

16: LUCAS. But really, seeing Avery never stops making her feel sick in fear AND disgust. (not just bc he ugly)

25: Something she never liked to think about for herself because it’s completely impossible for her to live a normal life and not endanger her spouse. BUT when it comes to other people getting married she’s a romantic and loves seeing happy couples. (that’s why she likes a good romance movie) 

38: pfft she relives her mistakes constantly, but most likely the first person she killed. It’s the most often recurring thought, anyway.

21: She just wants to be able to live a normal life, honestly. She tries to be optimistic about it. Oh, and she wants to murder Avery so he can never hurt her or anyone else ever again :)

A) I like that she’s actually trying to improve herself and it’s nice to see her actually TRY to learn to her mistakes and  be a better person even tho it aint work. 

G) She’s so damn petty and destructive in her relationships, it takes a lot of effort for her to step back and unlearn the behaviors she was taught growing up. 

E) Yeah if the bitch wouldn’t go off on me

Alister: 

1. Maybe a half hour? He’s not good at relaxing lmao I wonder why.

13: He throws on mostly dark or neutral colors, which looks good BUT he actually looks best in red imo. He probably wouldn’t choose to wear it himself but wouldn’t be opposed to it either. 

22: It’s actually pretty easy to make him jealous, but he’d probably just distance himself and act like he could NOT care less. big surprise and not super obvious at all. He’d just never admit to it. 

18: The vague implication that he cares about his friends, family, romantic interest.. etc. 

21: pretty well only because he has people he cares about he wants to look out for. Oh, and he’s stubborn af and not to mention already too used to carrying on. 

16: Lucas, Avery, both of his parents… etc. 

31: That’s hard bc they all dumb af. but uhhh he appreciates Renee a lot for all her optimisim despite everything they went through. They made things a little easier for eachother outside of the whole dumb mutual crush they had going on. They’re genuinely good friends tho.

E: I’d just think he was a prick probably and even if I knew he was actually a decent person I don’t VIBE with that type of pal irl. 

Cas:

3: readingggggg.  He finds it fun and distracting. 

15: absolutely rehersed to sound as dumb as possible lmao. He goes over a lot of his dumb speeches in his head.

18: not being able to control himself tbch. Obviously he’s embarrassed a lot. 

21: He wants to try and get back to his normal self. haha can u imagine. But tbh he wants to figure out who he used to be.

22: it manifests in passive aggressive comments about the person he’s jealous of. He’d probably come out and say something if it were really bothering him, but he’d try not to overreact. 

31: his PALS. Renee reached out to him first, so probably her. She’s popular w/ the squad apparently.  (also I’m answering every 31 question outside of the rp otherwise they’d b different lol) 

38: His memories are mostly ingrained with Kate. He mostly comes back to a moment where he was isolated and calling out for her. He finds it VERY shameful.

43: He’d say he thinks girls are pretty. But sometimes, he also thinks BOYS are pretty. And then someone would say “bud ur bi” and he’d be like “haha ya!” with a vapid smile on his face. 

7. Being at his HOUSE, of course. It makes him kinda sad and empty though. It’s more of a bittersweet feeling.

E: Maybe in small doses. He could get annoying.

Cameron: 

1. 0 seconds. He’d have to go entertain himself or bother someone. 

3. Daydreaming, for sure.

7. fuckin uhhhhh sometimes just being around his brother can give him some actual good nostalgic feelings, but it’s a mixed bag because their childhood was… u kno, bad.  

8. By his mom? stop talking so much/so fast. By his brother? stop talking to random strangers u swamp creature. 

10: He mostly lied to his mom about where he was going, what he was doing, and just to avoid getting in trouble. He doesn’t really feel bad about it.

13: He thinks he looks best in blue. It suits him pretty well, actually.

17: He has very little shame, so no.

18: He’s a little embarrassed when he’s complimented by a friend or praised by an adult, but he just covers it up with bravado so u can’t even tell. 

21: Since he’s a very social person he really just wants to get up and hang w/ his PALS. and have a good time. 

30: Steeeeeeeveeeee

32: He’ll just say something off the wall or sarcastic.

A) Honestly? He’s just fun bc he has absolutely zero self control. 

E) Yeah he’d be fun to hang out with, just maybe not constantly because he’s kinda Much.

B) he was literally just supposed to add some more background for Alister, but now I have to deal with him 4ever. :(

Rory: 

2. She’ll laugh openly if someone trips or does something embarrassing. Usually she’ll just crack a smile at a joke, unless it’s HYSTERICAL

11. Depends on the circumstances, but most often she’ll just nod and try to seem mature while having no idea what the fuck is going on. 

14. She loves animals. Just not snakes. 

16. Being grabbed or touched without warning makes her feel sick. It really depends on how she’s feeling that day, though.

25: Something she’d love but can’t see herself being able to manage. 

35: She tries her hardest to be like “ok… neat.” even if she thinks it’s dumb. Sometimes she’ll make insensitive comments or be really obvious about her lack of interest but she TRIES.

40: She knows her own flaws very well, she just doesn’t go out and admit it openly. Her self esteem is crap but sometimes she gets caught in the moment and doesn’t realize she’s being shitty until after the fact. 

A) the way she’s slooowly working to the point where she’ll be able to kick Lucas off a bridgeB) my thought process: im need… more girl. E) nooooo and no. actually MAYBE sometimes. G) Her being kind of a fukin jerk most of the time is like lord don’t u get tired go take a nap 

[weavingwordsblr-blog]

Ｃｈａｍｂｅｒ ７４

                                   ᴀ ꜱʜᴏʀᴛ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ by Daphne Genuino 

           Christa woke up with a start. Beads of sweat fell down her forehead as she tried to catch her breath. It was that dream again. She was only six, small and defenseless. She was in a place she didn't recognize, with boys who seemed enough like people, but not really. Everyone had some kind of tattoo on their skin, they had piercings everywhere, their clothes were ripped, and they all looked ready to pounce. And they did.  On  her. She saw a blur of arms trying to grab her- or hit her, she did not know. She froze in place. She closed her eyes. She waited for the strike. She waited for it to hurt, but it never did. When she opened her eyes, all she saw was how a boy fought off those three jerk kids. It took three punches to the face, and they all backed off. That boy... That boy with golden hair.... Christa shook the daze off her system and got ready for work.

            Christa is everything a lady from the Silvra Republic would dream to be - beautiful, intelligent, strong and wealthy. Not to mention a valuable personnel of the government. She did not gain this status by just sitting around. Any official would affirm that she's worth her salt. Being a child of a patriotic lawyer and a military commander, it was expected that Christa would be of utmost use to the government. By the age of 7, she was already well-versed with the protocol of the Silvra Republic. By 10, she was taught self-defense, the art of attack, and had rigorous training to improve her agility and flexibility. By 13, she could hit a moving target within a radius of 30 meters with an arrow, and by 15, she could hit the bull's eye with a gun. Now, at the age of 20, none of the male soldiers under her command could even hold a candle to her.

             This is not what makes Christa amazing, though. It is her good heart. She let her parents mold her into what she is now because she knew she was doing it for the people - for the Silvra Republic - her country, her home. She would break all bones, tear off all her flesh, and devote every ragged breath to serve and protect her people.

            At a time like this, the people of Silvra Republic could not help but wish that everyone was Christa. If everyone was as strong and brave as her, they wouldn't have to bow to the wishes of other people. They wouldn’t have to hide in their basements for fear of bombs. No one would die with a bullet through the head in front of their families. If everyone was like Christa, they would easily win this war against Anteph.

             Everyone is on edge. Anteph has advanced to the entrance of Silvra. Even with Christa at the frontlines, their defenses wouldn't hold for long. What confuses Christa though is that the government does not seem to be very troubled by this. What are they going to do? At this rate, they are going to lose the war...

  Unless they have a hidden weapon in their arsenal.

             “This has got to be some kind of a sick joke!” Christa says, gritting her teeth. Her hands shake from the anger. It’s taking every ounce of willpower not to punch the wall of the meeting room. Never… never in her life did she imagine that the government of her beloved Silvra Republic would go through such lengths… such cruel lengths…

            Everyone in the meeting is keeping silent. No one has ever seen Christa this angry before.

           “We have no choice, Commander.” the presiding officer replies sternly. “Our doctors have already checked. He has the special gene. If we don’t take advantage of his abilities, we might as well pledge allegiance to Anteph right now. We’ll lose the war.”

          “My men and I will fight the war!” Christa retorts back with a raised voice. “We don’t need to turn an innocent citizen into a weapon just because he happens to have a “special” gene! He’s going to die, mister! How could we kill a fellow Silvran?” she continues, not sure if she’s even breathing anymore.

          “He’s a small sacrifice to make, Commander.  Just a boy from the streets.” the presiding officer replies. The government is hell-bent on winning this war. Christa made a fool out of herself believing all along that the government would never harm even a single one of its people even in dire situations.

            Christa took a deep breath, trying to regain composure. She doesn’t know what she can do for the faultless man they’re about to turn into a weapon of war, but she has to do something… Anything…

            “I want to see him.” Christa says with her commanding voice, the voice that makes even the toughest soldier comply with her directives. The presiding officer exchanges looks with the other officials present in the meeting. Christa stands straight with her chin up, determined to get what she demands. The presiding officer sighs and gives instructions to the guards at the far back. “Take the Commander to Chamber 74.”

She sees the shackles first. And then the syringes. And then the pills.

And then a blinding light.

A flash of gold.

Golden hair…

              The sight paralyzes her. He‘s bound onto the bed by thick, silver shackles. Drugs and medical equipment that she does not quite recognize are lying on the table next to his bed. Anyone could guess that he is being experimented on, operated on. There are bags under his round eyes, his lips a pale gray. He looks so tired. So used.

How could they do this to him?

And of all people, why him?

              The golden-haired boy. The boy from the streets. The boy who saved her when she was  six.

The boy in her dreams.

           The boy of her dreams.

              Christa feels the anger rising up on her throat again. She wants to scream, throw all the medical equipment to the ground. She wants to shoot at the shackles and tell him to run. Don’t let them use you. Run.

            She suppresses her anger, though. The guards are still outside the chamber. She can’t afford to let them know… that she cares more about the man on the bed than they think.

           “What do you want?” a weary male voice brought Christa back to reality. It’s the golden-haired boy – now a man. His tone sounds like nothing could surprise him anymore. He’ll take anything.

            Christa inches closer to his bed, making sure the guards outside could not hear them.

          “I’m Christa. We need to talk.” she says, not bothering with any more pleasantries. He catches the urgency in her voice.

          “I’m Aedon. What is there to talk about?”  he does not sound interested in talking at all.

        “Do you know what they’re doing to you?”

           He angles his head to look at her. “Do I look stupid to you? Of course I know. The doctors do what doctors do, experiments and crap like that. Making me stronger or something. What about it?”

          Christa is surprised. No one ever talks to her like that. She does not have the time to worry about herself, though.

           “They’re using you, Aedon. You have this special gene inside your body that will make you invaluable in combat . They’ll bring you into the frontlines of the war. It will kill you, Aedon. We need to get you out of here.” she says, almost pleading to the seemingly indifferent man.

              Aedon laughs. Like Christa said something so absurd, he just has to laugh. He shoots her a look. “You can’t just walk in here and tell me what to do, girl. I don’t know why you’re sticking your nose into my business, so kindly fuck off.”

           “Look, you have a whole life ahead of you. And you have the choice to choose that life. I’ll help you leave this place.” Christa insists.

         “Then what?  I’d have nowhere to go but the streets. Just shut up and leave, girl.”

           “Then go back to the streets! It’s a small sacrifice to make! Anything is better than being a weapon of war!” Christa could not stop herself from yelling anymore.

            Aedon lost it at the remarks of Christa. She hit a sore spot. “What do you know, you spoiled, rich bitch? I’d bet my non-exixstent money you never had to struggle for food, or sleep on the cold hard ground, or fight off fuckers who picked on you for fun. I don’t give a damn what you think, you don’t know what I’ve been through! And oh, just to let your sheltered ass know, because I’m sure you don’t realize it with all your goddamn privilege, anything is better than living on the streets, even being a weapon of war!”

             Christa pauses for a while, realizing thing after thing. Of course she never had to struggle like that. For all her skills and intelligence, really, what does she know?

     What do you know, you spoiled, rich bitch?

             “Is there really no changing your mind?” she asks, almost in a whisper, looking down at the ground.

              “Actually, there’s one thing that might convince me.” he replies. Christa looks up at him. She can swear something changed in him just now.  Is it the tone of his voice? Is it the look in his eyes? Is it something else entirely?

            “What is it?” she asks. There is a long pause. She does not realize she’s holding her breath. She does not know why, but there’s a voice at the back of her mind telling her to brace herself… brace herself for what she’s about to hear.

              Aedon looks at Christa straight in the eyes, as if piercing through her. Christa has to stop herself from shaking. What is it? What is he planning?

              He moves his face closer to hers. She can feel his breath on her cheeks. He moves his mouth closer to her ears. She closes her eyes. He tells her what he wants.

              Christa’s face is drained of all color. Her legs turn to lead. She can barely stand after hearing Aedon’s demand. She takes a moment to gather herself, to make sense of it all. To decide.

            She inhales a lungful of air and says with finality, “Fine. I’ll do it.” As soon as the words escape her mouth, she feels a tinge of fear.

But there’s no time for second thoughts now.

For the golden-haired boy,

For her hero,

            For the person who inspired him to fight for other people by saving her on that day on the cruel streets,

It will be worth it.

It’s a small sacrifice to make.

[the-desolated-quill]

Take Shelter - The Defenders blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

You know, in my few moments of brief optimism, I hoped that once The Defenders had got past all the boring setup and the plot finally kicked into gear, things might finally start to get interesting and exciting.

Well the plot has finally kicked into gear... and I’m neither interested nor excited. That’s the last time I ever try to be optimistic.

After a quick fight in the Chinese restaurant, the Defenders high tail it over to a disused warehouse with a hostage in tow. Now I know what you’re thinking. This bears a striking resemblance to the brilliant episode Condemned from the first season of Daredevil where Matt tries to interrogate that Russian mobster about Kingpin’s operation whilst under siege because of a police raid. It was extremely tense and engaging throughout because you genuinely weren't sure if Matt was going to get the information and/or get out of the situation he’s currently trapped in. Take Shelter copies that same basic premise, but fails to replicate what made it so good in the first place. For one thing there’s no tension other than the vague threat that some of the supporting characters might get killed (which is unlikely to happen, let’s be honest). Also in Daredevil we actually spent some time getting to know the Russian mobster Vladamir and his brother, and it felt like the previous episodes were sort of building up to this moment. Here we know absolutely nothing about Sowande and because the show has spent half (that’s HALF) its narrative faffing about with mostly pointless shit, there’s no buildup to this confrontation whatsoever and it feels like the characters haven’t fought or worked hard enough to get this stage. It’s like the show has just arbitrarily handed them a villain to interrogate on a silver platter.

I wouldn’t mind except Sowande isn’t even very interesting. He just spouts the usual cliche villain dialogue like that he’ll never crack, and that the heroes will turn each other, and that making emotional attachments is a mistake because they’ll be used against them. Yawn. Anyway, this scares the Defenders enough to collect their assortment of love interests and supporting characters in order to protect them. You know, when Marvel announced the long laundry list of supporting characters that would appear in this show, I was rather hoping they’d actually contribute something useful to the plot rather than just being the equivalent of trinkets.

Okay, maybe that’s not entirely fair. Hidden amongst the dross, there are some genuinely emotional moments. Two in fact. Once you get past the idiocy of her moaning at Danny to find some allies only to then complain when he does finally get some allies, the scene where Colleen encounters Bakuto again and has to confront her conflicted feelings about him with help from Claire was really quite impactful. It’s important to remember that she hasn’t just left a group. She’s discovered that her entire life and everything she’s been brought up to believe is a lie. She’s questioning her very identity, and Jessica Henwick does an excellent job conveying that. The other scene I liked was the quiet exchange between Matt and Karen, where she discovers that Matt is taking up the Daredevil mantle again. What’s upsetting is that Matt seems genuinely apologetic about the situation. He clearly doesn’t want to put the suit on, but he’s in a position where he has no choice. Of course Karen doesn’t believe that and it seems this could be the final nail in the coffin for their relationship, and that’s legitimately sad. Charlie Cox and Deborah Ann Woll both do a wonderful job selling the unspoken feelings and frustrations of their characters, and it’s definitely the most moving scene in the show so far.

In all honesty, Daredevil is the only thing about The Defenders I’m mildly invested in. The others I couldn’t give two shits. Jessica Jones is still a shallow caricature of herself, Luke Cage increasingly feels like the spare wheel of the group, not contributing anything of substance or value and seems to spend most of his time standing in the background like a bouncer at a nightclub, and Iron Fist appears to have had the final teaspoon of dignity scooped out of him and has been reduced to little more than a plot device. Turns out the Hand need him for... something (I don’t know. I’m past caring at this point) and in the final ‘climax’, Sowande escapes and holds a knife to Danny’s throat, threatening to take him away. Gee! If only Danny had some super power or something to help him out of this scrape! (I’m amazed at the number of people saying that this show fixes all the problems with Iron Fist because so far the character has been next to useless. Something pretty miraculous must happen in the last three episodes. Maybe he undergoes a full body and personality transplant and turns into Jackie Chan).

Oh and just to add insult to injury Stick kills Sowande at the end, basically rendering this entire episode completely pointless. Thanks Marvel. That’s another hour of my life wasted. And then things take a turn for the stupid when Matt tells everyone the truth about Elektra, which leads to what is quickly becoming a staple of this show, the characters bitching and arguing. And I don’t even understand what they’re arguing about. Matt didn’t lie to them. He just withheld information that was clearly very personal and painful to him. And why is helping and converting Elektra completely out of the question? I’m particularly surprised that Danny would be against this considering that he knows one other person who defected from the Hand and he’s currently shagging her.

Not that I’m in a hurry to see Elektra be converted into a fully fledged Defender. I’ve spoken at length in my Daredevil reviews why I find this interpretation of Elektra to be so irritating, and I won’t repeat myself here. But I will say I find it humorous that the show is desperately trying to get you to form an emotional connection with her by giving us all these prolonged shots of her staring at her own reflection like a deer in the headlights, and curling up on Matt’s bed like a tiny child. Of course it doesn’t work because Elektra is such a fundamentally flawed and unlikeable character, and I couldn’t give a single shit if she lives or dies (preferably dies). I certainly don’t want to see her and Matt get together. I’m still utterly confused as to why he’s attracted to her in the first place. Is he drawn to her selfish and arrogant attitude or her total disregard for human life? And another thing, isn’t the whole point of a loved one turned brainwashed assassin (a stinking cliche in and of itself) supposed to be that they’re different brainwashed than they are when they’re independent? Matt keeps saying that the real Elektra is still inside, as though the real Elektra is any different from the Elektra currently standing in front of them. But is she though? Really? Think about it. The Hand took a sociopathic killer and brainwashed her into... a sociopathic killer. I hate to break this to you Matt, but this is the real Elektra. The only real difference is that she doesn’t talk that much (and some might say that’s actually an improvement).

Oh yeah. It transpires that apparently the other members of the Hand are getting just as sick to death of this Black Sky bullshit as I am and are threatening to get rid of Alexandra. This is all a product of the Hand becoming so fractured and disorganised that they don’t even see eye to eye on matters anymore, as evidenced by Bakuto and Madame Gao, but it still begs the question as to why Alexandra let the Hand become so fractured and disorganised in the first bloody place. And what was all that crap about her being a great warrior? Since when?! We haven’t seen her do any fighting! In the fight in the Chinese restaurant, she ran away and hid in the bravery car. You know? Where the brave people sit until the danger passes. I can’t tell if she’s supposed to be a coward and a bullshit artist or if this is just monumentally bad writing (knowing Marvel, it’s probably the latter).

So that’s Take Shelter. It’s not original, clever or even very entertaining, but look on the bright side. At least stuff is actually happening now.

[infernallewords]

Stereotypes

I’m sick of them.  I’m sick to death of them.  If I see one more show, movie, or book with a stereotype of a minority in it, I will scream and pretend that piece of garbage doesn’t exist.  If you have to add a commonly used adjective to your minority to describe it (one you’ve seen used previously), you are writing a stereotype.  I have dropped show after show after show because of this.  At this point I just watch silly videos online, because almost every show has this, with the exception of The Flash, because that show is apparently being written by people who actually interact with minorities.  The story line may be a little hackneyed, but the minority characters are gold.  And people need to take a page from its book, because fucking hell it’s beautiful.  

If I can watch a movie/show or read a book with a minority, and predict exactly how they will behave, that thing will be dead to me.  

Example: I was so excited to read a Christopher Moore book.  Super excited.  I’d heard so many good things about Lamb.  Everybody I knew loved it.  Well, I wanted to read a horror story, and he had written a horror comedy called A Dirty Job.  This book was set in San Fran’s Chinatown district.  The main character, a white male, was written with some depth (goofy, beta male stupidity, but some depth).  His lesbian sister was written as just that.  Her entire story line revolved around her being a lesbian.  Not her as a person, but just her as a lesbian.  Okay, I said, and continued on.  His Chinese landlady spoke in broken English, stole his many pets to eat them, and screamed in Cantonese at him.  His female Russian neighbor constantly talked about fighting bears.  The one black guy in the book, who could also sense the dead, always dressed like a pimp, is called “Minty Fresh”, and pretends to be gay to lure in gay men to buy all his Cher albums.  Also, the main character is constantly “talking black” to him.  He’s also super physically strong.  His creepy fellow shop keeper is constantly searching for “desperate Filipina girls” on dating websites and fetisizes them.  There’s some ugly “trans humor” attached to it that makes me cringe.  And the women are all fuckpuppets.  One of the female souls gets attached to her breast implants.  

Do you see the problem here?  I will never read another fucking book by this author, because the method by which he wrote his minority characters was stunningly bad.  Not all black men have to be big, burly pimps dressed in pimp suits.  Not all Asian people “eat dog”.  I guess he was trying to throw you off the scent with the Russian lady and “wrestling bears”, but fuck man, you don’t make something better by doubling down on it.  And if you’re trying to comment on stereotypes, you have to subvert them in a well-written way.  This author does not do that in the least.  All he needed was the sexed up, saucy Latina character with her big hips and “feisty attitude”.  Thank god there was no “sassy Black woman”, or the many, many stereotypes depicting Black women as either whores, mammies, or non-sexed magical characters for the main character’s benefit (though Minty did come off as a bit of a magical negro character to help guide the story line).  Also, if the main character hadn’t been portrayed as a “beta male”, I’m sure there would have been some white savior complex a la every main white male character Hollywood throws in with a bunch of minority characters.  

“Oh, stop talking down about white people!  That’s just racist!”

Well, I am talking about minority stereotypes and the inherent racism therein, so it makes sense to talk about the opposite problem, y’know?  You can’t improve upon a problem without talking about the problem.  Also, stop getting cringey when somebody talks about white characters and their juxtaposition with minority characters in pieces of entertainment.  The troupes are already proven and they are well-worn.  Besides, I’m talking about representation, and it matters.  White characters get amazing representation with depth, personality, romance, wants, goals, dreams, and hopes for their future.  All I want is to see is that with minority characters, which rarely happens unless it’s written by a minority.  And then if it’s a movie, expect a slave narrative, which I pretty much will not watch (#nomoreslavenarratives).

Example: While I did enjoy the movie Logan (went to the theatre and everything), its WSC was off the scales.  I still enjoyed it, but why?  And if anybody rolls their eyes at me mentioning this, just take a look at the way Hollywood furthers this standard.  Avatar, The Help, The Blind Side, The Last Samurai, Dangerous Minds, etc.  Hell, martial arts films made by Hollywood have a straight up complex when it comes to the Asian master who teaches the non-Asian to fight and be the best there ever was.  I can direct you to Iron Fist, the Netflix show that does this, but everybody says, “Hey man, that was the original story!”  Okay, but that’s actually not better.  The fact that this has been going on forever doesn’t make it excusable.  The movie Man of Tai Chi doesn’t exactly endear me to the concept, either.  And I won’t even go into everything wrong with that horrific Dragonball movie.  

And so you know I’m not pulling this out of my ass.

http://feministfilm.tumblr.com/post/6608112156/a-brief-list-and-analysis-of-white-savior-films

All I’m saying is this: I just want to see some realistic depictions of minorities in Hollywood and beyond.  I’m sick of the stereotypes.  I’m sick of being super excited to watch or read something, only to be hit over the head with stereotypes anytime a minority is introduced.  And I’m also sick of people refusing to even write minorities in lead parts, because they don’t want to offend or have “tokens”.  As Tim Burton put it, “Nowadays, people are talking about it [diversity] more ... things either call for things, or they don’t. I remember back when I was a child watching The Brady Bunch and they started to get all politically correct. Like, OK, let’s have an Asian child and a black. I used to get more offended by that than just… I grew up watching blaxploitation movies, right? And I said, that’s great. I didn’t go like, OK, there should be more white people in these movies.”

First of all, lol.  This is why I haven’t watched a Tim Burton film since he fucked up Sweeney Todd.  Second, “a black”?  Blaxploitation films?  Oh man.  Third, minorities aren’t just people you sprinkle in stories for the sake of diversity.  If you have a diverse group of friends, they aren’t there just because you “sprinkled them in”.  You have them because you like them and what they bring to the table as human beings.  You have friends from different backgrounds, because you have things in common.  It’s those commonalities that cause you to come together and experience life.  Why people who write these scripts and screenplays and books seem to completely forget the real people they know in real life when they put pen to paper is beyond me.  If you have black friends, are they are sexless mammies who are magical negroes that merely exist in your life to further your story?  Are they all thieves or pimps or gangstas who have at some point involved themselves in criminal activity?  Do the young black women you know all resort to drugs or having a bunch of kids for child support or welfare?  Are they turning tricks?  Are the guys all players who fuck women and leave them with kids?  Are the black women in your life all neck-swiveling Shaniquas who wag their fingers and eat fried chicken and talk about “oh no you didn’t!”  

I certainly hope none of the people I know who write would try to shove me in any of those boxes, because I don’t fit in any of them.  I’m childless, in a long term relationshipand have hopes and dreams and a love of creativity, writing, and books.  I also have mental illnesses that affect my ability to be social and end up staying at home all day trying to parse my own reality while struggling with existential dread and nihilism.  I have the type of personality that would never be attributed to a black woman in many scenarios.  I’m not strong and independent--I’m a sad, depressed girl with anxiety issues who spends her time fumbling through life while trying to be successful and artistic.  That black girl never gets written, and it’s a shame.  That Korean/Chinese/Filipino/Indonesian girl never gets written.  That Latina girl never gets written.  That Indian girl never gets written.  Same with minority guys.  That guy, as a minority, never gets written, and I know so many going through the same ups and downs as me.

Minority characters are fucking human.  When I see us get written as humans in a movie or show or book, I inhale it and support it with all my might.  I will stan for these things.  I get excited about them.  I tell everybody about any piece of entertainment that does this and does it right.  And if you don’t know how to do it (I’m looking at you, again, Hollywood), then just write a character and make them a minority second.  Again, take a page from The Flash, who does this marvelously.  They wrote people first, and minorities second.  Did they have some slip ups (the absent mother who becomes a drug addict arc for Iris West), yes.  And it was stupid.  Did they make up with it with Iris’s brother in a way when they introduced Kid Flash?  Absolutely, and his character is awesome.  He was a little hotheaded at the beginning, but when they found his voice and disposed of certain stereotypical aspect (illegal drag racing), it was much better.  And really?  Even the drag racing played into him becoming Kid Flash due to his motivation for speed.  Even the mild stereotypes made some sense.  He’s a college student now with a job and a loving family, and that makes me so happy.  Why can’t more shows and movies do this?  Why is this so hard?  Joe West is a hard-working detective in the show and a black father who supports his kids.  He doesn’t have some edgy past with drugs and other crap.  He’s just ... amazing.  Why is that so hard?

Why is this so hard to comprehend?  I’m not complaining to be controversial or aggressive or mean or hateful (though many will obviously see that, regardless of how politely I structure my argument simply because I am mentioning race).  I’m complaining about it because I am none of these stereotypes, nobody I know or love are these stereotypes, and nobody I’m around are purely and only these stereotypes.  Whether or not you choose to believe that “stereotypes come from somewhere”, those same stereotypes can be found in any group of people.  So why are they only attributed to some and not others?  Or, if they are attributed to others, why do those others get to redeem themselves while the minorities who have these stereotypes don’t?  That’s where my frustration lies.

[winchesters-favorite-girl]

You’re beautiful

Request: Can i request a sis fic? Maybe something that the Reader is really insecure about her body and has a really tough time.(She's 14/15)and her brothers do anything to help her? Idk.Its a hard idea.If it's okay to do it it would be amazing.Ly Kay❤       

A/N: The reader isn’t happy with her body and is having some mental insecurities. She starts to distance herself from her older brothers, who want to help her, but aren’t sure how when they don’t know what’s wrong.

Word Count: 2,485

Warnings: Slight angst, body/confidence issues

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You stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror, not quite sure what was looking back at you. It had all begun as a joke; you were just getting out of the shower when Miranda Lambert’s song Vice started playing on your phone. You were playfully singing along with the song as you finished drying off, however when a certain verse started to play you couldn’t help the sadness that overtook you.

Standing at the sink not looking in the mirror,

Don’t know where I am or how I got here.

You zoned out after that part, because you realized it was true.

Lately you could never look at yourself in the mirror.

You hated what was looking back at you.

You still had baby fat on your face even though you figured you should have grown out of it by now. The pimple on your face that never seemed to go away was red and needed to be handled. Your eyes glanced down to the rest of your body. It was nothing like the people you saw on T.V. or in the magazines. You didn’t have the perfect boobs. Your stomach squished every time you sat down and left lines after you were hunched over for too long. Every time you sat down it felt like your thighs grew two sizes.

You let out a scoff.

You were supposed to be a Winchester, yet you looked nothing like one.

Your parents, your brothers, they were ridiculous examples of genetics gone right; whereas you were just an average human being.

You didn’t even realize you had been crying until you looked back up in the mirror and saw tears streaking down your face. Your gaze didn’t stick to the mirror long because soon Dean was banging on the bathroom door.

“You almost done in there?” He asked when he finished knocking, “We’re hitting the bar and I wanna shower before we go.”

“Yeah.” You replied in a shaky voice, quickly clearing your throat you spoke again, “Just give me a second.” You quickly threw on your clothes but took a minute to try and collect yourself before opening the door; Dean would be able to tell if something was up with you.

Letting out one more deep breath you opened the door and stepped out, “All yours.” You said as you passed Dean.

“Hey, wait a second.” Dean told you as he reached out and grabbed your arm, “What’s wrong?” He asked, looking in your eyes.

You rolled your eyes and shrugged yourself out of Dean’s hold, “Nothing Dean, I’m fine. Go shower so you guys can get outta here.”

“Not gonna work on me sweetheart.” Dean replied as he grabbed your arm again, “Y/N, talk to me.”

“It’s nothing Dean, just girl problems, I’m fine.” You told him, knowing that at the words “girl problem” he’d drop the subject immediately.

“Ah, gotcha. You’re still gonna come to the bar with us though, right?”

You shook your head, “I don’t think so. I just wanna lay down and not do anything. You guys should go though, don’t let me ruin your fun.”

“Okay, if you need anything just text me and I’ll bring it back tonight.” Dean replied before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

About an hour later Sam came knocking on your door, “We’re headed out soon, sure you don’t wanna come?” He asked, poking his head inside of the door.

Looking up from your book you shook your head, “I’m good, thanks though.”

“You sure? You haven’t come out with us lately, I think Dean’s starting to take it personally.” Sam joked but you could tell there was some seriousness behind his tone.

“Sorry Sam, I just haven’t really felt like it lately.” You told him, which was the truth. Lately your mind just hasn’t been there; going out felt like a chore and once you were surrounded by other people all you could think about was getting back into bed and not leaving for a week. As a result you had been bailing on your brothers.

You had promised yourself that you’d actually go out tonight, but after your body confidence taking a hit tonight you decided against it. Being at the bar surrounded by beautiful women who would spend the entire night hitting on your genetic freak brothers while you sat by awkwardly drinking your coke, not exactly how you wanted to spend your night.

“It’s okay but, are you sure you’re okay?” Sam questioned, concern visible on his face.

“I’m fine Sammy.” You said in an angrier tone then you intended but you were sick of your brothers constantly hovering over you, it’s not like they would understand what you were going through in the first place.

“It’s just-”

“No Sam, I’m not in the mood for some touchy feely speech about something you know nothing about. Just leave me alone. Go hangout with the sibling that’s on your level.” You told him.

Sam looked at you with sad eyes, “Y/N-”

“Sam!” Dean shouted from the hallway, “You ready to go?”

“Go. Dean’s waiting.” You threw out at Sam before opening up your book and pretending to dive back into it. Sam stood at the door, debating if he wanted to push you to talk, but after Dean called for him again he walked away; deciding it was better to let you cool off rather than pushing you too far.

As the days passed things between your brothers and you became more strained. You spent even more time alone in your room with the hopes you could avoid them. They were constantly trying to interfere with your life and for once, you just wanted them to leave you alone.

As weeks passed you saw even less of them, you opted to eat less but consumed more healthy items with the hopes of losing weight. Sam ate a balanced diet, but Dean ate like crap but continued to look good enough to pick up the ladies. Whereas if you ate a cheeseburger you’d feel it in your thighs a few hours later. You even began working out more, eating better, but the results weren’t coming fast enough.

You desperately tried to battle the never vanishing zit, but it kept coming back.

You dedicated hours on Pinterest trying to find a new haircut that would help hide your baby face but nothing popped out to you.

You had even spent a few hours watching makeup tutorials on YouTube, but you could never recreate the looks that the YouTubers made.

Overall in trying to improve yourself, you’d only become moodier, more withdrawn, and hated yourself more then ever before.

You were at your all time low.

It had been nearly a month since Sam first talked to you that Dean finally snapped and confronted you about everything.

“Come on Y/N/N, we’re going out for bar food and I’m not taking no for an answer this time. We can even get the nachos, potato skins, and the cheesy fries.” Dean said with a smile, positive that if he tried hard enough you’d finally cave in and hangout with them.

You looked up from where you sat on your bed with your laptop and gave Dean a soft smile, “Thanks for the invite Dean, but I’m good. You guys have fun though.”

“No.” He replied sternly.

“What do you mean no?” You questioned, confused with the shift in Dean’s friendly demeanor.

“I mean, you never spend time with us anymore. Hell, you never come out of your room. Not unless you’re going for a run or going to the kitchen, where, I might point out, you barely eat anything at all. What’s going on with you? Sam said to just ‘let it go’ and that ‘you’ll talk when you’re ready’ but I’m done waiting for you to be ready. So talk. Now.” Dean demanded.

“Screw you Dean, I don’t have to tell you jack.” You spat at him.

“See that’s where you’re wrong, you do.” Dean talked down to you.

You shook your head as you rolled your eyes, you knew you shouldn’t be shocked by Dean’s behavior but you were surprised he was taking it so personally. “Just, go away Dean.”

“No. Not until you tell me what’s going on. Grab your coat and you can tell me and Sam over some greasy food, cause we know you haven’t been eating enough.” Dean stated.

“My god Dean, I’m not like you and Sam! I can’t eat that crap and not gain five pounds! I’m not some genetic anomaly! Just go eat. Get laid. Do your Dean thing and just leave me be, okay?”

“Genetic anomaly? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Nothing.” You said, realizing your slip, “Just go away.”

“No, not until you tell me what is bothering you and don’t say ‘nothing’ because we both know it’s a lie.”

“Dean.”

“Y/N.”

“Please,” You said as your voice cracked from everything becoming too much, “Just go away.”

“You’re hurting and I’m your older brother. Let me do my job and fix it.” Dean told you.

You simply shook your head in response, “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Sam might.” Dean interjected.

“No he wouldn’t,” You sniffed, “Neither of you would.”

“You don’t know that unless you open up to us.” Sam said, cutting into the conversation.

“Have you been listening this whole time?” You questioned him as both brothers stepped completely into your room.

“Details.” Dean replied as he sat on the end of your bed.

“Y/N/N talk to us, you always used to come to us whenever something was bothering you.” Sam pleaded as he sat on the other side of you so that you were positioned between your brothers.

You suddenly felt stupid, like you were being insecure and that voicing how you felt was just a waste of time. They just won’t get it. “Can we please just drop it?”

“Y/N.” Dean groaned.

“It’s stupid; and you guys wouldn’t understand.”

“You don’t know unless you talk to us.” Sam tried again.

“No, I’m pretty sure you won’t get it. You two are freaking unicorns in this world, you couldn’t possibly understand.” You told them.

“Unicorns? What the-Y/N just friggin’ talk to us, please.” Dean said with sad eyes.

Laying back on your bed you let out a groan, “It’s embarrassing.”

“I promise to not make fun of you. Scouts honor.” Dean told you.

“I’m just not-ugh this is stupid, can we please-” You tired to get out of talking but Sam wasn’t letting it happen.

“You’re not what Y/N?” Sam pushed.

You remained silent, not knowing how to say what was bothering you aloud, knowing that your brothers had real problems to face. They didn’t need to deal with your insecurities.

“Does this have anything to do with your recent workout routine and appetite change?” Dean asked gently. You slowly shifted your gaze to Dean who met you with soft eyes. Sitting back up you looked at Dean with a questioning gaze.

“How’d you-”

“We’re your older brothers Y/N. We notice things.” Sam said sadly.

“Yeah, plus you were always pigging out with me, kinda hard to have a junk food session when you aren’t there.” Dean added.

“I guess it’s just, I’m not happy with-guys this is really dumb.” You said, uncomfortable with discussing it with them.

“You aren’t happy with what? Your body? Sweetheart, there’s nothing wrong with it but we can help you workout if you want, just means less bar nachos and more salad shakers, right Sammy?”

“Not just that. Just everything. I look in the mirror and I’m just wondering how the hell I got where I am.” You said with a shrug.

“What do you mean?” Sam asked.

“I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person looking back at me. I see my reflection and I wonder how I’m related to you two. I look in the mirror and the person staring back at me, she’s just-” You stopped yourself as tears began to fill your eyes.

“You just what, Y/N,” Dean said softly.

“I just don’t like her.” You whispered back so silently that you weren’t sure your brothers heard you.

Dean let out a sigh as Sam wrapped an arm around you.

“You know what I see when I look at you?” Dean asked.

“Dean, please don’t. I don’t want some pity party crap.” You told him.

“You must not be looking in the right mirror sweetheart, cause you’re beautiful.” Dean responded.

“It’s not crap if it’s the truth. When I look at you I see my bad ass little sister. The one who’s been through so much crap but is still here. The little sister that’s taken everything the world has thrown at her and thrown it right back at them. You overcome everything and I’m so proud to have you as my sister. You’re the best of us all things Winchester.” Sam said, cutting Dean off.

“Plus have you really seen yourself in the mirror? Sam’s right about the ‘best of all things Winchester’, why else do you think one of us never leaves your side when we’re at the bar? All the creeps that look at you.” Dean shook his head, “That ain’t ever happening, not for you. You deserve more then what they have to offer.”

“What are you talking about?” You questioned.

“Do you not see all the guys at the bar that Dean and I scare away?” Sam asked you.

You shook your head, “Seriously?” Said Dean, “We literally take shifts, why do you think one of us always has to go to the bathroom at the same time you do and that one of us is always waiting when you get out?”

“Cause you’re overprotective?”

“Well yeah,” Dean said with a smile, “We know the instant we walk away one of the creeps will try to talk to you and like I said, that ain’t happenin’.”

You let out a chuckle, “But if you aren’t happy with something about yourself maybe we could help?” Sam asked.

“How?” You responded.

“Well, you can start going on runs with me in the mornings. Plus I have tons of healthy recipes I’ve wanted to try but I didn’t think anyone would eat them with them.” Sam said with a smile.

“Dean, do you think you could eat healthy for a while?” You asked with a grin.

“For you, yes. Just don’t make me buy the rabbit food.” Dean pleaded before rubbing his hands together, “Well now that we have some of that cleared up, let’s go get some food.”

“Sounds good to me.” You said while standing up, “Come on unicorns, I could go for some bar nachos before Sam makes some kale filled food.”

“What’s with the unicorn thing?” Dean questioned as he followed you out of the room.

“Unicorns are rare, perfect, magical creatures. Basically you two genetically perfect freaks shouldn’t exist.” You said with a smile. 

[softshouyous-archive]

13, 15, 20 for the furuba asks :')))

oh hello!!!!!!!! (this one is long so i put it under a read more hjgfgfdghf)

13. favorite friendship/non-romantic relationship?oh my GOD please don’t get me started okay okay i’m gonna list a few and ramble because i am suddenly in a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mood

-hana, uotani, and tohru: HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love these three sooooo much omg i’m gonna cry!!!!!! they all love and care for each other so much ))): tohru went through living in a TENT in the mysterious WOODS with typhoons,,,,,, because she cares about hana and uotani so much that she didn’t want to burden them??? i can’t say it was a great choice because !!! the girls want !!! to help her and it hurt them knowing that they weren’t able to help her ))): during the ep when they visited the sohma household and they were talking about how much they care about tohru and how they want to be there for her...... my heart exploded T___T and also i love ??? that they make it a point for tohru to often talk about how much she loves her friends you know !!!! like i love how open she is about how much she loves them ))))))): and also i’ve talked about this like 8930483x but when they visit kyoko’s grave and hana’s all like ‘i don’t know what i would do if tohru passed away. the pain would be so great that i would wish that we would have never met’ hello,,,, im going to die,,,,,,, oh and ALSO when the fan girls go to her house and the ep ends with her saying that with love comes weakness and that tohru is hers,,,,,,,, omg and when uotani talked about her struggles and how kyoko and tohru saved/helped her,,,,,, i..... Goodbye Everyone This Has Been A Wonderful Life 

-kakeru and yuki: okay i ship them as friends and non friends but also . i know like 5 things about them BUT i really love their dynamic from what i’ve seen so far so -HARU AND KYO: i almost wrote hatori and then i almost forgot haru’s name omg someone help donate some memory cells please,,,, but anyway omg their fight was so hfdjghdfjg and also i just love their bickering they’re soooo dumb omg

-mabudachi disaster: they’re stupid and as you can tell i love stupidity but also press f for hatori 

-tohru and yuki: oki unpop opinion time i used to actually ship them GDFJGLDF but now i see that they don’t have that type of relationship ghjdfkgf i’ve seen people discuss how their relationship is more of like . tohru is the Mother Figure yuki never had and i think that’s sweet ))): i really loveeeeee how she’s slowly helping him realize things about himself and become a better ??? (idk if that’s the word) person and he’s improving himself more,,,,, like !!!!!! at the garden, when he decided to play rich man poor man with her and her friends,,,,,, and that he’d work on himself,,,,,,, emo 

-haru and yuki: OKAY LAST ONE HHH okay okay like . i’m emo !!! because i feel like haru can pick up on yuki’s feelings?? like in the last episode, when momiji, haru, and tohru were talking at school, yuki passed by and haru like almost immediately knew why he was upset and had hatori bring ayame back home ghdjfgf 

it’s also sweet to see how much haru cares about him ))): like when yuki was sick he like ran immediately to him and gave him his jacket thing ))): omg and also that one flashback from when they were younger,,, that GOT ME!!!! was that in the 01 version bc i honestly do not remember that,,,, but anyway that scene had me 0000: like i feel like it really really sucks that adults are always talking crap about the kids like !!!!!! hello !!!!! do not gossip ??? esp in front of kids like,,,, your brain is free, use it????? like it was extremely upsetting to see that false assumptions affected haru when he was younger (understandably so) and it made him super resentful towards yuki ))): and it broke my heart when he lashed out at him,,,,,,,,,, it made me so sad to think about how that affected yuki, esp with everything else he had going on you know )): but like i don’t blame haru because he was a kid !!! 0: but what really got me !!!!!!!! was that yuki asked haru if he really believed that he was stupid (like ppl said) and haru had that 0: moment like . i really love that yuki said that instead of idk getting into a fight with haru. he instead was like well ???? is that what You think ??? and he really opened things up for haru and had him come to his own realization (??) and acceptance,,,, Cry Time

15. which character do you think you’d most likely be friends with?oooo omg i’d love to be friends with tohru, kyo, yuki, hana, and uotani!!!! i love them 20. any hot takes (about a character, the series in general, the fandom, etc.)?o hm i don’t really have that many but i think one ?? i don’t know if it counts,,, but it’s that i don’t,,, think what akito has done can ever be forgiven and i don’t think i’ll ever like her ://// though even with that said, i do Understand that there are layers and reasons to why she did what she’s done (i haven’t read the manga but i’ve seen people talk about things) so i do feel bad for her 0: but also like.... i don’t know like the stuff she’s done to everyone are pretty...... terrible. like just thinking about kyo, hatori and kana, and yuki alone....... all the things that happened to them are bad enough. ))): though even though i feel this way, i’m not def not going to shame or side eye anyone who likes her or thinks her chara is interesting !! 

waow oki this is ....... very long.... gfdkjghdfkjgdf well thank you for sending this in, i really appreciate it!!! i hope you have a wonderful day

[cameiotmagazine-blog]

a look at the the Confucius Institute

Ah, the Confucius Institute. Known through American colleges as,

"Oh boy, we don't gotta work with paying. We don't gotta work at paying to educate people in the Chinese language or culture. We can just let some other people do that,"

has been quietly popular in US universities for years, but has recently begun to receive some criticism, which seems unfortunate, but, you know, I'm an honest and forthright reporter who likes to do my own research, so I signed up. Really, I actually did. This is a real thing I did and not a fake thing that I'm just making up as I'm going along, because, what do you think? The magazine that told nothing but fake news stories? Are you saying that in some way I might be exaggerating purposefully?

Purposely for humorous effect to make fun of things? That's crazy. You're a crazy person who's crazy all the time. Anyway, I totally enrolled in some classes and the Chinese government funded institutes that are teaching Chinese culture and language across the world. I don't think Chinese government has ever been known to be underhanded and like to censor things to make themselves look better. That's simply not true, and I got these fun textbooks and stuff, so I thought I'd share a few choice passages. Okay.

This one's about human rights defenders. They don't call them that in this one. They call them cultural malcontents who are trying to destroy our national identity. When I asked the teacher about it, he simply said that that's crazy. What am I talking about? Everybody loves being in China and anybody who doesn't is a liar and a filthy one at that and they deserved whatever happened to them, and then one student was like ... Also they were creating disturbances and disturbing the social order.

Then there was a thing about I don't know. That seems pretty convincing to me. Then I asked Then another student asked, " What about Meng Han and Zeng Feiyang  human  rights activists Meng Han and Zeng Feiyang “ ? One of the students asked, and I was like,

"Boy, you seem to know specific a lot about humans rights violations in recent years in China,"

and the student was like, "Stop staring at me. Say something."

I was like,

"What?" I guess I didn't say anything to them, but the teacher was like,

"I don't know who you're talking about. They were just ... I don't know what you were talking about. They were just gathering crowds to disturb public order."

The student, whose name was, I think, Sally, was like, "Wasn't that like the definition of a protest?"

The teacher was like, "I don't even know what you're saying. Why would anybody want to protest?" Then the teacher went on to say, "Well, they used funding from abroad."

Then Sally was like, "Well, were you gonna help to fund them to stay to protest? Was the Chinese government ever gonna help them to stay to protest?"

They were like, "No, why would we do that?"

 So, you know, whatever. I don't know, I wasn't totally convinced. I think it's pretty fair. They didn't call him whatevers, like bad words or nothing. They just said that they deserve to be in prison and beaten. They didn't say that part, but he kept hitting his fist into the palm of his hand really hard, so I'm pretty sure that's what that meant.

Also, apropos of nothing, he mentioned that executions were totally down. They were like, "Okay." Then they went on to There was also the section in his book talking about the freedom of expression, and then he said that there hasn't been any problems with freedom of expression. Everybody gets to freely express whatever they damn well feel like, but because China's just so gosh darned wonderful and full of hope and light and everybody God damn loves it so fucking much, that there wasn't any issues. Then he said the thing of Lee Yang's dad ain't really that big of a problem because some people ... Because they totally film shit now, like the police, when they arrest crap.

So, problem solved. No, you can't see it. Stop asking for it. It's only some of the time. Not all of the time. It's only some of the time though. Not all of the time. That's crazy. Why would we want to see the police officers doing everything? You're a crazy person. Stop being so fucking crazy. Crazy. Everybody's flipped down to the loyalty. That's crazy. That's crazy. All the major media outlets in the country pledged absolute loyalty. Anyways, stop fucking asking questions, you big fucking idiot. Look how fucking stupid you are. You're a fucking moron. Never did text message so many curse words.

I like the edginess of it all. It made me feel like I was watching a fun TV show where I was yelled at for not doing things right, but like really yelled at. It also reminded me of browsing internet, which I think everybody can totally do in China, said the next part of the sentence. The cyberspace administration only forces ads to keep user logs for 60 days to reduce the spread of illegal information. Legal information like xi jinping is not a honey loving bear that wears a red shirt and no pants. It's totally okay. You're also free to say that xi jinping, if he was a bear at any type, would be a strong, sexy, confident bear who looks good in slacks and he can even pull off shorts which many men can't. Many men of his age can't.

The only reason they shut down Sohu, Sina, Netease, and Ifeng. in July was because they weren't radical enough. Stop fucking asking questions. What are you, some sort of fucking idiot? Have you never taken improv? Don't you know that you're not really supposed to ask any questions? So, that pretty much convinced me that they're doing pretty good. When the class got to Hong Kong, I thought, "Boy, it'd be fun to learn about Hong Kong," and they say Hong Kong is totally still ... has 100 percent autonomy in everything, and they said, "Don't you worry about the Causeway Bay bookstore," and then I asked, "What's the Causeway Bay bookstore?" The teacher was like, "Nothing, stop thinking about the Causeway bookstore

Lee Poe, who are from Sweden was all disappeared from Thailand because he didn't. He's just on a very long fishing trip, and Lee Poe, who's British, you know, disappeared from totally autonomous country Hong Kong. I said, "I mean, he didn't disappear. I mean, he did because he was kidnapped by ... he didn't disappear. He was, you know, he's on a high stake gambling tour of various nations. Yeah, that's what he's doing right now. I don't even know why you're bringing all this stuff up, man.

I was like, "I didn't bring it up, man." The teacher was like, "Oh, okay. That's cool. Anyways, let's move on to how you say "water" in Mandarin Chinese, which is the only language that will ever be spoken in China. What about racial harmony in China? Let's just say racial harmony is beautiful in China. Everybody gets along and it doesn't matter what those fucking Tibetans said. This started the very interesting chapter on China's relationship with Tibet. It went on to say that Tibet is super fucking happy and that China totally has a rightful claim over Tibet. Also, just because the Tibetans can't, you know, like move or go outside the country or practice religion, it's all a fucking lie by fucking assholes. They're a bunch of fucking morons who are fucking worthless.

Also they're crybabies and snowflakes and cucks and you're a strong alpha male, which then goes on to women's rights, which I guess leads us to the discussion in class we had about women's rights. Sally, once again, asked a question about it. They said it threatens civil society. Boy, Chinese civilization seems to be in constant flux. Seems so ready to just fall over at any second. You know, and then Sally then really pushed and the teacher was getting sick of it, so mad, and he said, "Listen, you don't know what you're talking about. Let me explain to you what women's rights is."

Then he went on to explain how it's great, all the shit that women have been doing, but come on. You don't gotta be so Come on. Don't you think it's gone a little too far? I mean, look at Just recently the court gave a woman who sued two companies for discriminating against her in practices like a whole hell of a lot of money. Like 300 dollars. What's so bad about that? Anyways, back to my book, which then talked about freedom of religion. Since everybody's free to practice any religion they want, except the ... You know, but then again, don't disrupt civil authority because you can't disrupt civil authority. Maybe all those people you had believe shit ain't real.

You know who's really a cool dude? xi jinping What if we said it was less like President or make him more of a king. A God king almost, you could say. God king who's also really powerful, who's strong, sexy bear who could totally crush people like crazy. I also said to the ... They said, "No guys, like pay attention because legitimately LG rights have improved somewhat," which was like, "Good," but also China was like, "Hey, you know what's also really cool? China's totally reviving the Silk Road," and then once again Sally spoke up and it was like, "Well hasn't that been a large failure on many levels and it's actually in massive debt?" The teacher was like, "Shut up, Sally."

I was like, "I guess." Then of course then I was like,

"You know what? I'm gonna contribute to the conversation," and I asked the teacher,

"What about the Tienanmen Square protest?" He was like,

"That's not real. That didn't happen." I was like,

"Really?" He said,

"Yeah. You're crazy, that never happened. I mean, it's crazy." I was like,

"There's a famous picture." The teacher was like,

"Oh, you mean the cool poster for the hit new Chinese film? The adventures of tank and cool, obedient, bag holding guy?"

I was like, "Okay," so all in all, I say there's no way that the Confucian Institute is sponsored by the Chinese government whatsoever. It's a totally cool place, and that they gave me ice cream also at the end of every class and I loved it. Anyways, out.

 via politico

via human right watch                

via the guardian            

via the time of india