#kevin probably smells like cat piss

[pigeon-food]

💥💥💥

[linaselandbasil]

Eldarya boys as roommates.

Nevra: Has a lot of stuff he doesn't want you to touch but they're literally everywhere, you will inevitably have to touch it to make way. He'll keep the house clean if he has a date coming over though, which happens every few days to every few weeks. He has a lot of expensive stuff, so he's watching you with concern when you walk by his antique table lamp he decided to put on a coffee table, or his handwoven Persian rug that was passed down from his late father to him, or the irreplaceable framed picture Karenn drew of them when she was 6. Also, Karenn. Shes at his place maybe every other day? She never stops talking but that's fine, at least Nevra isn't bothering you. He thinks he's mysterious and dark, but he's simply a goth chatter machine.

Ezarel: Always annoyed by something you just did because he was planning something and you ruined it. He'd need to be at the edge of death before he disrespects your boundaries. He could be literally bleeding out and he'd avoid going to your room and waking you up because that's rude. He makes messes but they absolutely cannot be cleaned up, otherwise he can't find what he needs. He brings his work home a lot, there's documents and alchemical formulae on the kitchen table because why not? Why shouldn't he read his research notes on fungi based aphrodisiacs while eating dinner? He often comes home with his fringe burned, legend says his hair is like that because he forgot to tie it up and something exploded.

Leiftan: Very polite, he did nothing wrong in his entire life, he's a literal angel... But he's never home and his cat is a bitch and you're gonna have to feed that thing pretty regularly. When he comes home the cat is also an angel, but the bite marks and the piss stains remain. All his clothes are white or grey so he's done for the week in one or two loads, he's great at cooking (for eldarya standards anyway) and he sweeps up his cats hair every time he sees it. He's great.

Lance: You'll probably never be his roommate because he always lives with his brother. He's never home, he's always up to some bullshit, he's got no job most of the time but he has money somehow? Probably from Valkyon. You'll never have to worry about burglars, he'll eat them whole. He leaves his big ass shoes everywhere and you'll probably trip on them. He's usually a tidy person but by the end of the day he just wants a nap. Also, this creature is simultaneously a night owl and an early bird. Does he even sleep? How is he so muscular? Did you know sleep is detrimental to muscule development? Hmmm? I've never seen him sleep.

Valkyon: He has so many drugs, you'd start praying that the cops never show up. He's also that one bitch who has expensive liquor out on the top of the shelf to let people know he has a problem but he still has taste. He's not home most of the time because he's out getting laid somewhere. He's never late with rent either, but the cash is always sticky. He hates it when people come over but he also hates not minding his business so he shuts up about it. It doesn't matter what he's having, it could be antidepressants, but he'll ask you if you want sum'. That's some brother behavior right there.

Mathieu: He's a gym bro and he always has his gym friends over and they're playing video games while you're trying to live life like a normal person but there's 4-6 shredded dudes and girls in your living room every weekend. He's a Kevin, sadly, but he means well. (Search stories about Kevin, you'll understand) He ran into Lance at the gym and now he smokes weed too so he smells like skunk every once in a while. He'll cook nice meals for you, which is nice unless he Kevins it up.

[mrmonster459]

Vampire on the Lake

"Well, this looks like as good a spot as any." I said before pulling the truck over.

My friends and I had a lot of work to do and, thanks to being two hours behind schedule, not a lot of time to do it.

It was Rich's last weekend as a free man; in a little less than two weeks, he was getting married, and not long after, he and his wife were going to move to another state for work. Instead of going for a traditional bachelor party, he wanted to go hunting with us one last time.

However, he only realized the morning of our trip that he had no shotgun ammo, so we had to drive all the way to Bass Pro Shops to buy some, leaving us two hours behind schedule and without a lot of daylight to catch up.

"Okay, looks like we're not gonna have time for our hike." I said as I finished unloading our gear. "But hey, that means we can start the hotdog roast early."

As we were getting situated, my other friend, Kevin, turned to me and said "Hey Gary, check this out."

We then came up to the carcass of a dead deer. What was really weird was that none of the meat had been eaten, but it had a mess of blood on its neck.

“Well, we either have to move that thing or find another campsite.” Kevin said. “That thing will stink to high heaven by morning.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll load it in the truck and drop it off.” I said as I got my gloves. Deer ticks are no joke, I didn’t wanna accidentally bring home any parasites.

So, I quickly loaded the deer into my truck bed, and went to find somewhere to drop it. As I was driving, I could’ve sworn I noticed something staring at me from a nearby tree.

It was brief, and only flashed before my eyes before it disappeared back into branches. But still, I knew I saw something.

I grabbed a revolver from my glove box, and waited to see if it would come back. It did not, so I just dumped the deer and went back to camp.

_____________

While Kevin was preparing the hotdogs, he said “Gary, why are you loading the guns? We’re not going hunting until tomorrow.”

“There are black bears around here.” I said. “Just wanna be careful.”

We had seven guns with us; three hunting rifles (for deer), three shotguns (for ducks), and my revolver. By this point, I figured that I probably saw nothing, that it was just my imagination running wild after six hours of driving and way too much Red Bull. But probably isn’t much consolation when you’re worried about something that may have just killed a deer.

For the most part, it was an enjoyable night. We ate hotdogs, drank beer, told embarrassing (but hilarious) stories, and even played poker. And then, around midnight, it was time for bed.

I put myself to sleep, forgetting what had even happened the previous night. And then, I woke up to the sound of Rich screaming.

“WHAT’S GOING ON!” I shouted as I grabbed a flashlight. What I saw horrified me. There was something on top of Rich; something that looked vaguely human, but was definitely not. This thing was about five feet tall, naked, and both thin & muscular at the same time. It looked and smelled like a decomposing corpse, and it sounded like a very pissed off cat when it growled.

“SHIT!” I shouted as I grabbed my revolver and fired at it. I hit it in the shoulder, causing it to panic and retreat from the tent.

“RICH, RICH!” Kevin shouted as he went over to check on our friend, but he didn’t respond. We were too late; he was dead.

“SHIT!” I shouted to myself. “Come on, we gotta get out of here.”

Our gun case was at the base of the tent. I grabbed a shotgun, and he grabbed a hunting rifle. Then, we got in my truck and I started driving us away.

“What the Hell was that?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t know.” I said. “But whatever it was, we have to keep on the lookout for it.”

_______________

I drove as fast as I could. After a minute or so, I thought we had won, that we had outpaced the creature. But then, it landed on the hood of my car.

“DAMN!” Kevin shouted before trying to aim his gun, but there just wasn’t enough room to maneuver a hunting rifle in such a small space. The monster then smashed its way through the windshield and feasted on him.

“NO!” I shouted as I grabbed my shotgun and left the vehicle. As I ran, I locked the doors, and began firing at the car with my shotgun, hoping I’d hit it but knowing I was doing little more than just grazing it.

I was now alone, in the woods, with just two shotgun shells left, and being hunted by a beast that I now knew could keep up with a moving car. I truly had no idea how I was gonna get out alive.

And then, it hit me; I just wouldn’t run. I wouldn’t “get out”, I’d stay put and keep my shotgun at the ready.

_______________

I stopped, and listened carefully for the beast. Every time I heard a tree whistle in the wind, or an animal chirp, I instinctively turned around and aimed in its direction.

And then, it found me. I could hear it stumbling through the treetops, and then, it jumped down. I fired, but I wasn’t fast enough and the shot ended up sailing over its head.

It then landed in front of me. It pulled me in, and bit right into my neck.

I raised my shotgun, pointed it straight at the beast's chest, and fired. It then collapsed on the ground, completely dead.

________________

I set out to find my car. But then, I realized I lost my keys in the scuffle.

“No matter.” I said to myself. “Windshield is probably too beat up to drive anyway.”

I thought to call my wife, but then I realized I didn’t remember her number, or even her first name. Heck, I didn’t even remember the pin to open my phone. Which is weird, since I was pretty sure it was my birthday; which I didn’t remember either.

By the next morning, I forgot almost everything; my address, my job, if I was married or not. I even forgot my name.

And boy did I get hungry. Only problem was that I couldn't stomach anything solid. I tried to eat the hotdogs and snacks we brought, but I'd just vomit it all back up. It was worse when the next morning, the sunlight began to feel like fire on my skin. I had to constantly stay under the shade from trees, never stepping out into the light. The next night, I saw a wild turkey. I killed it with one of the rifles, but didn't eat the meat. I only drank its blood.

I subsisted on animal blood for a few days, maybe a week. It was good enough to keep me going, but was never enough to truly kill my hunger. And then, while hidden from the sun in a dense treetop, I saw a group of fishermen. From the moment I saw them, I knew they'd satisfy my hunger.

"Tonight." I thought to myself.

[neil-jortson]

It’s only a matter of time

This is a hc about what I think would happen to the foxes in quarantine. I made this as a part of the gift exchange from @aftgexchange for the Tumblr user @wishbonetea . It was an awesome experience to do this exchange and I hope to do it again! 

Summary: a collection of ideas about how the foxes lives would have to adapt during quarantine 

word count: 2k 

The foxes in quarantine: a bullet point fic 

The year is 2020. Matt, Kevin, Andrew, and Neil are all professional exy players. Neil and Andrew fought hard and finally got put on the same team that past season.

Dan is an assistant coach for a college team in the same city that Matt plays in. Nicky lives in Germany with Erik and Aaron is just finishing up his residency in medical school. Allison is a major fashion designer who donates more money than she keeps. Renee works with the peace corp and is currently out of the country. Everything is good. 

Dan and Matt are expecting their first child in less than two months and are trying to clean up the spare room to begin making a nursery for the baby. 

On the tv in another room plays a news reporter talking about a virus on the horizon in China. They don’t think much of it and continue about their days.

Andrew and Neil lived a fairly domestic life, one they never thought they would live, with two cats and a nice set of kitchen knives. (They were a house warming present from Aaron: “it’s ironic” he would say when asked why he purchased the set.) 

When Andrew and Neil heard about the novel virus, they simply changed their in-depth arguments about a zombie outbreak to arguments on what to do in the event the virus becomes a big deal. Little did they know some of their “predictions” would turn out to be correct. 

Everyone went about their normal lives just keeping an eye on the news before things seemed to change at the drop of a hat. The country was shutting its borders and not allowing flights in from other countries. There was even talk of cities going into lockdown. 

Renee was trying to catch a flight home with the rest of her crew. When she made it back into the states, she found she had nowhere to go. Allison invited her to stay at her apartment in NYC. She was not aware of how long they were going to be stuck there (not that Allison was against sharing an apartment with a beautiful girl like Renee). 

It became more real to the rest of them as the Exy season was postponed until further notice. 

Kevin didn’t know what to do with himself and Neil. Was. Devastated.

It was only a matter of days before they began to get antsy about not going to the court daily. Neil and Kevin had shared anxious words as they hadn’t heard what the Moriyamas would think about them not receiving the normal amount of money this season. Andrew tried to put their minds at ease, but with no words of communication from the crime syndicate, they were getting worried. 

Dan and Matt were probably the most stressed of the bunch. The information they had gathered was that most of the Foxes were in good shape to handle the virus even if they were to get sick, but there wasn’t any data on how the virus would affect pregnant women. Dan feared for the health of the baby because of this uncertainty. She and Matt decided that they would follow the government regulations for quarantine and that when groceries needed to be picked up, Matt would be the one to go out and get them. 

Wymack’s thoughts were focused on his foxes and how they would be affected by the pandemic. He thought of Matt and Dan bringing a baby into the world at an unlikely time. He thought of Andrew and Neil who never could commit to quitting smoking (even if Neil just liked the smell). He worried about Aaron working in a hospital. For Nicky's mental health while being stuck at home and away from people. He worried that Kevin would start drinking again without the regime of Exy to keep him on track. He was concerned about Renee and Allison living in one of the worst cities to be stuck in when a pandemic hits. He thought about every person he had had as a fox before them and after them. He spent most of his time checking up on the foxes and the other portion of his time reaching out to organizations to see what they needed. He volunteered when he could and spread the word when he couldn’t. 

As the foxes settled into their lives stuck at home and thousands of miles apart from one another, things settled into a new normal. 

Andrew and Neil lived in quiet harmony when the quarantine first began. Neil went running every morning in a park that was not very crowded and when he would come home he would head straight to the shower. Eventually, Andrew convinced him to buy a treadmill because he was worried about Neil getting sick. Although, the way that he phrased it, it would seem he didn’t care either way. (Neil saw right through him)

Life for them was simple but draining. 

The longer the quarantine went on, the worse off Neil and Andrew became. 

Andrew found himself talking more and more with Betsy as being stuck at home was leaving him alone with his thoughts more than he would like. He felt old emotions creeping to the forefront of his mind as he was stuck in a two-bedroom apartment with two cats and a man he “hated.”  

Being stuck at home for Neil was his own personal hell. He paced around the apartment often and felt no true release from running on the treadmill. Neil felt the same way he did when his mom and he were snowed in at a safe house in the mountains. He walked to the corners of each room and took stock of the items in the home. He felt himself get more and more on edge as the days went by. 

Dan and Matt were better off when it came to mental health. It also helped that they tried not to take out their worries on one another, they were a team. They enjoyed each other's company and would try to hang out on opposite sides of the house as much as possible. They knew when they started to push each other's buttons and would back off when they started going too far. 

Matt knew that Dan felt bad about not being able to leave the house so he got a kiddy pool for her to sit in outside. It wasn’t much, but Dan enjoyed the fact that Matt was thinking of her when he went out shopping. They spent many afternoons sitting in the tiny pool that barely fit them and laughing at the different antics of their crazy neighbors that day. 

Nicky got a hold of everyone's schedule and decided that they should do group facetime calls every week. It was really hard to find a good time because everyone lived in different time zones and Aaron had a rotating doctor’s schedule, but Nicky was able to find 45 minutes a week when everyone was awake and not at work. 

Dan and Matt had finally found proper places to put all of the items that had been in the nursery and were just beginning to start the vacuum cleaner when they heard an alarm go off on Dan’s phone. 

It was time for them to talk with their old team. 

Everyone slowly joined the call and Nicky was just as enthusiastic in welcoming every person who joined. 

Nicky was especially delighted when Kevin answered the call and the foxes came to find out his hair had grown out longer than he ever let it before. (He claimed it wasn’t professional to have longer hair but he looked better than ever with the length.)

When Allison joined the call, some of the foxes were surprised to see Renee sitting right beside her. Renne’s hair had grown out and Dan noticed that there was a distinct line from where she had been bleaching her hair

Dan asked, “Hey Renee, what are you going to do with your hair?”

Renee responded with “I’m really not sure yet, but I think I want to grow it out with my natural color”

Allison whispered something in Renee's ear and she blushed. 

All of the foxes took notice of this and decided that maybe it was time to settle one of the few remaining bets from college. 

Neil and Andrew were the last to join the call and they seemed pissed off. Right before they noticed they were a part of the call, they seemed to be arguing in Russian. They quickly noticed they were on camera and stopped arguing but they wouldn’t really look at one another. 

Nicky asked them how they were doing which Neil responded with “We’re fine” and Andrew scoffed at the word. 

Nicky knew better than to dig around in their personal business so he let it drop and began to ask Aaron and Katelynn how their dog was, was it still cute, can they show it on the camera? 

They responded by turning the camera to let everyone see the sleeping puppy at the edge of their bed. This answered two of the questions because as everyone could see, the dog was still very cute. They told them about a run into the vet they had to make because “the little fiend” has a knack for eating things he’s not supposed to. 

Dan and Matt told everyone how the pregnancy was going and told them the tale of woe trying to find the perfect crib for the baby’s room. 

“When it arrived, we opened up the package and it was bright green! Who in their right mind is going to put their baby in a bright green crib? It’s ridiculous is what it is” complained Matt when Dan had finished telling them how long the package had taken to arrive. 

While everyone was talking Andrew and Neil had seemed to calm down and Neil had placed his head on Andrew’s shoulder. Things weren’t always sunshine and daisies but they weren’t really mad at each other when they fought. 

After everyone had caught up there was a lull in the conversation that Neil began to fill. He told them about the time they had to rescue King Fluffkins. They had gotten King recently just a few months prior to the quarantine coming into effect. This was the first time that the team had heard Neil say the words “King Fluffkins” out loud. It is needless to say that they laughed for a long while hearing Neil say the ridiculous name the team had given to their cat. When they calmed down they listened to Neil explain how King had gotten out of the window they kept partially open for smoking. Andrew had to hold on to Neil’s waist as Neil propelled himself out the window to get a hold of the cat at the edge of the window sill. King had dug her claws in and Neil almost fell out of the window. They got her inside but put a lock on the window to ensure she didn’t make her way out there again. 

That story pushed their time to when they needed to say goodbye. Aaron’s shift started in under an hour and he needed to get to work. They all said their goodbyes and set up a time for the following week. 

It helped everyone to talk amongst themselves and to hear what had been going on while they were at home. They were all worried about what was going on, but it seemed as though they were becoming more connected, even across the vast distance. 

It was only a matter of time before this came to pass and Neil and Andrew would get to see Dan and Matt’s baby. 

It was only a matter of time before the exy season started up once more and the Moriyamas demanded a larger cut from Neil’s salaries for the break he was on during the pandemic. 

It was only a matter of time before Nicky could come and visit the twins for Christmas. 

It was only a matter of time before all of the foxes felt their lives returning to a slightly new normal. 

It was only a matter of time.