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#kim hongjoong fluff
atinystraynstay · 2 months
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Black And White - Kim Hongjoong
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Synopsis: Weddings are always happy occasions. You've always loved watching two people showcase their love in such a momentous way. It made you wonder if one day, you too will get married.
Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x fem. reader
Genre: Flufffffff, established relationship, long-term dating, talks of the future
Word Count: 2k
Hongjoong sat in the black cushioned folding chair. It was a gorgeous venue. It was an old warehouse that was rented out for the intimate wedding. He was amazed at how the decorators were able to transform the space so rather than feeling cold and empty, it was filled with so much warmth and love to mark the special occasion.
When you told Hongjoong about the wedding, he got excited. Not just to be able to go. To be honest, he wasn't sure if you wanted him to go anyway. Your childhood best friend was getting married, after all.
That is why he was a bit apprehensive about attending the wedding. To an extent, you two were still getting to know each other. He never thought wanted you to feel pressured you had to take the relationship in a certain direction. He was just content with being exclusively yours.
Over the past few months, you have been more introduced to his world. You knew all his friends very well, often hanging out together. Hongjoong has met some of your coworkers when he has picked you up after work or attended the company's holiday party. He just hasn't met the people that meant the most to you, which is what terrified him.
To Hongjoong, winning over the people closest to you made him the most nervous. He could easily go on stage and perform his heart out. Hell, you could say the president of South Korea was in attendance and he'd own the stage. It was his comfort zone. He wasn't even nervous to meet your parents. It was your best friend who terrified him.
And not because she was intimidating. From everything you've said about her, she basically walked on water. The two of you have been friends since you were 11 years old. You've known your best friend longer than he's known his members!
Despite the distance since you moved to Korea, you chatted nearly every day. He was convinced you spoke to her more than him on some days. He wasn't jealous of that fact either. If anything, he was more appreciative and thankful you had such a loyal person in your life. Your best friend championed you unlike any other, and you did the same for her.
However, that is where the immense pressure to win over your best friend stems from. What if she didn't approve of him? What if your best friend believed you deserved better? Would you listen to her and leave?
One thing was for certain is that Hongjoong could not afford to lose you. For the first time in his life, he was experiencing the love he's watched on the big screen. He never thought he would be one of the lucky ones to find such a perfect partner. You constantly went above and beyond for him, and he was trying his best to love you twice as much. He believed you deserved the whole world, and he wanted to be the one to give it to you.
His inner monologue was disrupted as soft instrumental music began to play. People around him rose to their feet, and he followed suit.
You were concerned about Hongjoong being in the audience for the ceremony. He was your plus one, whereas your best friend asked you to be in the bridal party. But Hongjoong couldn't complain. He got the best view in the whole venue.
As if on cue, he noticed the back doors open. He turned to his side as he saw the bridesmaids and the respective groomsmen make their way down the aisle. Hongjoong was trying his best to remember the names of those you pointed out before. There were a few other friends of the bride you, and a few of the groomsmen you knew.
He smiled politely as the pairs began their walk down the aisle. However, he kept glancing over his shoulder once they passed. He just had to see you.
His heart stopped as he could see you behind another pair. You were making light conversation with the man who was walking with you down the aisle. He was the groom's best friend. You were the two people who have heard about this beautiful marriage leading up to this momentous day.
Hongjoong just couldn't take his eyes off you. Your best friend decided everyone would wear the same color - a light blue that some could describe as Tiffany blue. Yet, each bridesmaid dress was unique to the woman wearing it. It was unconventional but that's what Hongjoong loved. He loved seeing all the different dresses each person chose.
Undoubtedly, his favorite was yours. It was an A-Line floor-length dress. There was a slit running up the left side of the dress, stopping at your mid thigh. You were always the type of person who loved the freedom to move around. The sleeves were ruffled, possibly made out of chiffon. It tied in the back, a pretty bow resting against on your upper back. You looked heavenly.
You wore a wide smile as you looked at the groom. You often gushed about their relationship, especially since you were certain from the moment you met the man at the altar that he would end up marrying your best friend.
However, Hongjoong noticed your eyes would leave the altar every now and then. He couldn't help but wonder if there was something wrong if you were okay. You didn't seem tense. This was the disadvantage of not being a part of the ceremony. He couldn't attend to your needs right away.
But when your eyes met his eyes, you visibly became more relaxed. You smiled at him lovingly. And he looked at you like you were made out of the most precious gems. "Wow," he mouthed to you. You couldn't help but blush before turning away. While you wanted nothing more than to rush over to kiss your lover, you couldn't This was your best friend's big day.
"So when is the wedding?" A voice came from Hongjoong's left side.
Curiously, Hongjoong looked to his side away from you. There was an elderly man with a smirk on his face. He looked at Hongjoong, waiting for a response. However, Hongjoong was terribly confused.
"Sir, we're at the wedding now. It's beginning," he whispered, not wanting to speak too loudly to cause a distraction.
The old man chuckled and shook his head. "No, not this one. I'm not that old. I'm speaking of the one between you and your girl. I'm guessing a summer wedding?"
Hongjoong's eyes widened. His heart was doing flips in his chest, nearly jumping out. His body filled with warmth, not sure if it was the nervousness of having to say no or the idea of marrying you that made him feel so tingly.
"We haven't selected a date yet," Hongjoong whispered.
The old man seemed satisfied at the response before turning back towards the aisle. Everyone around him was gasping softly as the bride made her way down the aisle. Yet, Hongjoong couldn't look anywhere but up at you.
At first, your eyes were on your best friend walking down the aisle. Seeing her so content, so happy did your heart well. Your best friend has been waiting for this moment since you guys discovered Pinterest and made boards when you were in junior high. You couldn't help but have your eyes wonder towards the crowd.
To your surprise, Hongjoong was staring at you with the widest grin on his lips. Your chest filled with warmth and cheeks heated up.
Maybe one day the two of you will be at this milestone. You sure hoped so.
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Throughout the ceremony, Hongjoong's eyes didn't leave you once. He couldn't help but picture you one day wearing a white dress. Hell, maybe even a different color. All he wanted was you.
The two of you were over by the bar. Everyone had filed in as they made their way from the ceremony venue to the reception hall. The bride and groom were making their rounds to interact with everyone who came to celebrate their special day. For the time being though, you and Hongjoong were soaking up every opportunity to just focus on one another.
"You clean up nicely, baby," you teased him.
He rolled his eyes playfully but had a wide smile on his lips. The two of you were sipping the signature cocktails of the bride and groom. For you, you opted for your best friend's favorite, a bay breeze. Hongjoong was sipping a whiskey sour, the favorite of the groom.
"Have to dress my best when I've got the best date," he chuckled. His lips pressed against the corner of your mouth. He then pressed tiny kisses along your cheek heading to the earlobe. You shivered at the feeling but your body felt warm and tingly, and it wasn't due to the alcohol. Hongjoong always had this way of making you feel on fire in the best way possible through his displays of affection.
One hand rested on his arm while the other held your drink. He wrapped his arm around your body, pulling you in closer. His thumb gently caressed your lower back. You giggled when you felt his breath hitting the shell of your ear. "Couldn't take my eyes off of you, sweet girl," he murmured. For an added effect, he grazed his teeth along the shell of your ear. He knew it drove you wild.
You whined out gently. "Baby, please."
He knew he had to keep himself tame for now. He'll show you how much he enjoyed the view once you were alone. For now though, he'd do everything he could to make you feel like the only woman in existence. Because in his eyes, you were just that. Nothing else mattered besides you.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," a voice spoke from beside you. You pulled back slightly, but not enough to step out of Hongjoong's arm. Not that he would let you anyway. If anything, his grip tightened a bit to hold you closer.
Looking over, you grinned to see your best friend with her new husband. You set your glass down on the counter of the bar. Sensing your excitement, Hongjoong let go of you. And just in time too because you threw your arms around your best friend. Hongjoong and your best friend's husband share a laugh.
She hugged you back tightly before you two slowly let go of each other. Hongjoong wrapped his arm loosely around you but turned to politely address the happy couple in front of him. Maybe it was the sips of alcohol helping his confidence, or the words from the stranger during the ceremony, but the nerves leading up to this day subsided. It felt odd to be the nervous one giving the milestone the couple in front of the two of you just experienced.
"So you're the man who's captured my best friend's heart, huh?" Your best friend asked teasingly. "Well if anything, she's got me wrapped around your finger and I pray every day she doesn't let me go."
Your best friend grinned at the response. Hongjoong up by one point.
The conversation between the four of you flowed easily. Your best friend asked her typical interrogation questions, which made you internally groan. Hongjoong wasn't fazed by any of it. Most of your exes in the best would have frozen and spewed out whatever. Not Hongjoong. he answered honestly.
"So where do you see this going? Because my best friend is the whole world and she deserves it." "And I couldn't agree more," Hongjoong answered. "And truth be told, if you asked me yesterday, I would've said that we are taking it one day at a time." "But?" "But now? I want everything with her." Hongjoong looked down at you, seeing your shocked expression. He couldn't wipe the grin off his face.
"Everything and anything as long as you're by my side." He no longer spoke to your best friend. He was speaking directly to you. Your smile was wide, which eased Hongjoong's heart when he noticed your eyes tearing up. His lips pressed firmly against your forehead before looking at the married couple.
One day, you two will be there. He was certain of it.
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idyllic-ghost · 9 days
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title: Hopefully pairing: idol!hongjoong x reader genre: domestic fluff, slight angst, idol!au, secret relationship, hurt/comfort warnings: anxiety over a relatively new relationship, a sexual innuendo, general fears about abandonment and the future of the relationship, not proofread synopsis: You haven’t seen Hongjoong in a week and it’s starting to take a toll on you. wordcount: 3k taglist: @d0nghyuck, @fantasy2wonderland, @niktwazny303, @wonwoospartyhat, @stariightjoyy, @hyneyedfiz, @crazywittysassy, @yeosayang rating: PG
a/n: this is a bit inspired by “oxalá” (aka hopefully) by MARO! i know i was going to write something else, but this story came to my mind and i needed to get it out😭
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✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
You’ve got one (1) new voicemail!
“Hey, babe, I’m not going to make it to your place tonight. I got stuck at the studio and lost track of the time- I’m sorry, I know I said I would come over… I have practice tomorrow morning, but maybe I can try to sneak off to you tomorrow evening? I promise I’ll try my best to make it work! Sleep w-”
The beep cut off the message before Hongjoong got to finish. It was the second time you had listened to it. He had called you while you were at work, doing overtime, and you hadn’t heard your phone buzzing in your bag. It was typical of the two of you; you always managed to miss each other by a hair. You sighed and put down your phone on the counter. The clock on your kitchen wall said 12:30, and you’d usually be in bed by now but you couldn’t bring yourself to lay down in it. Not when you knew the bed would be empty, and the sheets would be cold. Therefore, you sat by the counter with a cup of tea in front of you. 
You were nursing the cup in your palms as if the warmth of the mug would be as comforting as your lover’s embrace. It was late when he had called you, and it sounded like he was heading off to bed, but you were still mulling over whether or not to call him - you just needed to hear his voice. Your phone was next to the cup on the counter, its dark screen was taunting you with your reflection. The little amount of willpower that you had was not enough to keep you away from him; so you picked up your phone and texted him.
You [12:32]: are you awake?
After pressing send, you quickly put your phone down and sighed. You had lost to your needs and wants yet again. The two of you weren’t even official - you couldn’t be. It was easy to fall in love with him, but harder to keep loving him. Everything had to stay secret, no matter how much you wanted to shout to the world that, yes, you were very much in love with Kim Hongjoong and he actually liked you back! However, with his line of work came a lot of restrictions. Seeing him was difficult, meeting up with him in public was even more difficult, and telling people that you were dating was out of the question. 
As much as you enjoyed sneaking around with him, you couldn’t deny your want to be his and for him to be yours - you wanted to be his partner, and you wanted others to know that you were his partner. Instead, you’re stuck in an in-between-relationship; where you’re exclusively seeing each other, but unable to do things that partners would or tell anyone that you were partners - a relationship where you were still scared to seem clingy, despite the two of you barely seeing each other. The low buzzing of your phone brought you out of your spiraling thoughts.
Hongjoong [12:34]: yes, but why are you awake?🤨
You smiled at the message, trying to contain your excitement by biting your bottom lip. The cup was set to the side, the comforting warmth on your palms no longer needed, and you picked up your phone.
You [12:34]: I couldn’t sleep.. did I wake you up?
Hongjoong [12:35]: no, I’m still in the studio🥲why can’t you sleep?
You sighed yet again, trying to come up with an excuse that wasn’t utterly embarrassing to type out. Before you could answer him, your phone buzzed again.
Hongjoong [12:36]:  do you want me to call you?
It was as if he could read your mind. You quickly sent him a yes, and put your phone down to wait for him to call. It only took a few seconds. After waiting for a few seconds, trying to figure out when the appropriate amount of time had passed to answer, you pressed ‘Accept call’ and held the phone up to your ear.
“Hi, baby.” Hongjoong’s voice was raspy like he hadn’t spoken for a long time.
Baby. The nickname had slipped out so casually that you almost didn’t realize that he had said it. Now it was all you could think about. Hongjoong didn’t call you by pet names often, they’d slip out in the heat of the moment and he’d get shy. He could suddenly go from slightly irritated over you touching something in his studio, to a flustered mess because of you teasing him about calling you babe. You would never get tired of it.
“Hey, am I interrupting?” You brought your hand up to your mouth, biting down on your thumb’s nail.
“No, I’m packing up for the night soon.” He sighed, and you could hear him push his chair away from his desk. “I’m sorry for not coming over today.”
“It’s okay, I understand,” you murmured. “Work is important.”
“Not more important than you,” he countered a little too quickly. “I’m working on work-life balance. I promise.”
“I know.” You chuckled under your breath. 
The line went quiet for a moment. You could hear his breathing - soft and steady - and you could picture him, sitting in his chair with a large hoodie draping over his frame. A mixture of comfort and disappointment flooded your veins. Comfort from hearing his voice, disappointment from not being able to hear it in person. Hongjoong cleared his throat, bringing you out of your thoughts.
“Why can’t you sleep?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t know…” you trailed off, but shortly thereafter continued, “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.”
His words lingered in the air, and you closed your eyes to savor them. A part of you wanted to yell that if he missed you so much he should try to be here more, but you knew it wasn’t fair. It’s not his fault. You shut your eyes tighter, bowing your head down as if to curl into yourself, and tried to hide from the angry feeling bubbling up in your stomach. Tears started stinging in your eyes, and, despite your efforts, a weak sob made its way past your lips.
“Y/N…” You could hear the frown in Hongjoong’s voice. “I’m sorry, please don’t cry.”
“I’m not,” you lied as you wiped away your tears. “I promise, I’m not. It’s okay. I’m okay.”
The line went quiet again as you sniffled. You could hear shuffling from his end, as he gathered together his things. As you pieced everything together, you quickly tried to protest - telling him that he didn’t have to come over and that you really were fine.
“Stop it.” His voice was shaky. “I’m coming over, and you can’t stop me.”
“I wasn’t trying to-”
“I know.”
“... could you stay on the phone with me until you get here?” you asked quietly, your voice coming off as weaker than you wanted it to.
“Of course.”
You grabbed a tissue and wiped your face from tears and snot, and the realization of what you were doing hit you then. It felt stupid to cry over this, but it had gone too long since you had seen him. The urge to cry, kick, and scream was overwhelming - but you kept it inside your chest with a deep breath. 
“Thank you,” you mumbled. “I really didn’t mean to pull you away from work.”
“I know, it’s okay,” he assured you. “I’m heading to the parking lot now, it’ll only be a few minutes.”
A few minutes until you get to see Hongjoong. You could wait just a few more minutes, right? Despite the assurance that he’d be here soon, the empty feeling in your heart didn’t dissipate. In fact, the cavity in your chest only grew larger. You knew he wouldn’t get here for a while, but you still got up from your chair and walked over to your front door.
“How long has it been since I got to see you?” you thought out loud.
“I think it’s been a week already.” Hongjoong groaned. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, okay? I knew what I signed up for with you.”
It was meant as reassurance, but it came out wrong and you cringed as soon as the words left your lips. Hongjoong laughed, making you feel just a little lighter on your feet. You heard the jingling sound of his keys, signaling that he was already near his car.
“That came out wrong,” you said.
“It’s okay, I get it.” You could hear him open the car door. “Let me put you on speaker, hold on a second.”
You leaned against the wall and listened to the rustling sounds of Hongjoong getting into his car and putting down his phone. The engine started, and he stayed quiet as he focused on getting out of his parking space. The parking lot must have been almost empty because it didn’t take long for him to get back to you.
“Alright, I’m on my way now!” he chimed.
“Thank you, baby…”
“Baby?” he teased, laughing as he finally got to take revenge on you.
“Shut up-”
“No, I deserve this,” he argued. “You never call me pet names, I’m taking advantage of it.”
“Well, now I’m never doing it again.”
He gasped on the other side of the line, and you could practically hear the fake-hurt pout on his lips as he muttered something under his breath. No matter the situation, Hongjoong could always find a way to make you smile.
“I teased you once and now you’re revoking my pet name privileges?” He scoffed. 
You liked him like this. It made you forget about everything else; this was the actual Hongjoong, and only you could witness it. In one slow movement, you slid down onto the floor and crossed your legs. With your head leaning against the wall, you looked up to the ceiling and smiled.
“I thought you didn’t like the mushy stuff,” you said, “I would include pet names in that.”
“I don’t dislike mushy stuff… I just get shy,” he admitted quietly.
“You don’t seem very shy when you go on stage,” you countered.
“That’s different!” he exclaimed, and added with a hushed voice, “I just get shy around you.”
Your smile grew wider. You wanted to tell him that you got shy around him, too, and all of the other things he made you feel - but you couldn’t find the words. His words were saved in the back of your mind, for you to think of later and come up with something equally heartwarming.
“I’m almost there,” he said to break the silence, and you could hear the clicking sound of his blinkers as he was probably driving up to the car park already.
“Good,” you said. “Hongjoong?”
“Yes?”
“I’ll stop teasing you for calling me nicknames,” you said, “if I get to keep calling you ‘baby’, too.”
“Deal.” You can hear the grin in his voice. “I’m getting out of the car now, baby.”
A laugh bubbled up your throat. Partially because of his silly tone, but also out of pure excitement. Your giddiness was apparently contagious, as Hongjoong let out a giggle as well - and you could hear the echo of his shoes hitting the concrete floor as he sprinted towards your building.
“I’m almost at the elevator!” he whisper-yelled.
“Hurry!”
He swore under his breath, clicking the button to the elevator multiple times. Eventually, you heard a ding and the doors opening. He was so close. You wanted to run out of your apartment and meet him halfway, but you knew that his being here was already a risk in itself. So you settled beside the door, no longer sitting on the floor. And when you heard the keys you had given him unlock the door, you quickly opened it and pounced on him. He stumbled back slightly, pressing ‘End call’ on his phone before hugging you back. With your arms still wrapped around him, he walked into your apartment and closed the door behind the two of you. Only then did he fully embrace you. You buried your head into his coat, cold from the chill air outside but it smelled like him so you didn’t mind. Your hands balled up into fists, creasing the soft material of his coat, and you pulled him even closer to you. Hongjoong’s chin found its rightful place on the top of your head. 
“I’ve missed you,” he repeated, and you felt your tears threatening to spill onto your cheeks again. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.” His voice was trembling now.
As you tried to get out of his grip to look at him and comfort him, Hongjoong put his hand on the back of your head. He held you in place, soft enough to still allow you to leave if you really wanted to let go but firm as if he was silently begging you to stay. So, you stayed and pretended not to notice the tears that fell from his eyes and hit the top of your head. He shifted to kiss the top of your head and gave you one last squeeze before letting you go. You watched as he wiped his tears with his sleeve, quickly as if you wouldn’t notice. For his sake, you pretended that you didn’t.
“Have you eaten?” you asked.
“I ate some take-out for dinner.” He bent down to take off his shoes. “If you’re hungry we can eat, but I just want to go to bed with you.”
Yes. Bed. The concept that had seemed so daunting before now felt like a long-lost dream that had come to life. He stood back up, and you took a long look at him. He had colored his hair, you had seen pictures but you hadn’t seen it in person yet. Blonde always did suit him. He was busy taking off his coat while you watched him. It hadn’t settled in your brain that he was actually in front of you, it felt unreal.
“So?”
“Hm?”
“Are you hungry?” he asked with a smile. You had really missed that smile.
“Oh. No, I ate earlier.” You held out your hand to him. “Let’s go to bed.”
He took your hand gleefully and followed you like a puppy who’s just been promised a walk. You brought him to your bedroom. It was clean, and the bed was still made from this morning. While Hongjoong sat down on the edge of your bed, you pulled out some of the clothes that he had left there - an old pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, that you desperately didn’t want to give back.
“I’ve been looking for this,” he hummed as you gave him the clothes. “I didn’t know I had left it here…”
“I, uh… I may have stolen it.” You sent him your best smile, trying to look as innocent as possible.
“You’re cute.” Was all he said before he went into the bathroom to change.
You had the sudden urge to follow him - and, despite what he would think and tease you for, it was not with sexual intent. Now that you finally got to see him again, you couldn’t stand him leaving even for a second. However, you stood your ground and decided to fix up the bed instead. You removed any throw pillows, and pulled down the covers. Just as you got into your side of the bed, Hongjoong came back from the bathroom. He left his clothes on a chair, before he all but ran to your bed. When he had gotten under the covers, he shuffled closer to you and began peppering your face with kisses.
“I’ve missed you, I’ve missed you, I’ve missed you…” he muttered between every other kiss.
You laughed until you were gasping for air, but you didn’t dare lean away from him. As he planted a final kiss on your lips, you let out a low hum of approval. Hongjoong pulled you closer, letting you snuggle up against his chest. It was almost impossible for you to stop smiling. As it settled in your bones that he was actually there, right in front of you, you finally relaxed.
“I want it to be like this all the time,” you admitted.
“Me too,” he murmured. “I’m sorry it’s so complicated.”
“It’s okay,” you hummed. “I guess it makes times like these more special.”
“I’ll try to make a plan for the future, okay?” he said. “I’ll talk to the company and we can figure something out. We could find a good apartment and-”
“You want to move in with me?”
“Yeah, I love you.”
Maybe it was the fact that it was late, or maybe he hadn’t been sleeping a lot since you last saw him, but the words slipped out of his mouth so casually that you almost didn’t register that he said it. You looked up at him. He was still talking about his plans, not having realized what he had said. Putting one of your hands on his face, gently cupping his cheek, got his attention. His words faltered and you brought his lips to yours for a chaste kiss.
“I love you, too.”
At first, he just seemed shocked, but you could see the gears turning in his head. When he finally remembered what he had said, his face was practically glowing in the dark. He quickly tried to explain how he was very tired, and that he was going to make the moment more special but he had forgotten. You simply smiled and put your head on his chest again, the action silencing the man lying next to you again.
“Keep telling me about your plans,” you said.
He started talking again, and you felt the soft vibration of his words in his chest. As he talked about your future, you slowly drifted off to sleep. Hongjoong kept talking until he finally heard you snore. He brought the covers over your shoulder and hugged you closer. Hopefully, he’d be able to spend every night with you just like this.
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seonghwaddict · 8 months
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forget-me-not — kim hongjoong
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synopsis. the wall separating you and him is very thin, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. pairing. kim hongjoong! x fem!reader. genre. fluff, comfort. warnings. a storm. wc. 1k
[ dedication . . . ] happy birthday @pocketjoong!!
[ listening to . . . ] round and around by jo yuri.
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you really hated thunderstorms.
as you lay in bed wide awake a little past midnight, you flinched as thunder roared outside your window, the soft pitter patter of rain hitting the glass not easing your anxious mind. usually you’d be able to handle it, but since you moved into your apartment only two months before, there was a minimal sense of comfort.
despite living here for four months, you hadn’t quite settled in. the furniture from your previous apartment was still on the other side of the country, complications with the transportation preventing you from receiving it until september. but, nevertheless, you did enjoy living here.
sure, the walls were quite thin and most nights you could hear commotion in the neighbouring apartments… but the complex was well kept and the people in the surrounding area were friendly enough. you had even gotten somewhat close with one of your neighbours.
the first time you met hongjoong was in a park just around the corner of the building 3 months ago. you had reached down to pick a flower, unaware of the handsome man reaching for the same one, vision somewhat blocked by the large box of utensils in your other hand. when your fingers brushed against each other, the two of you jumped apart as you realised what had happened.
“oh- um… you… you can have it.” you’d muttered, gesturing to the beautiful white flower.
he had merely smiled and shook his head, a soft smile stretched on his lips. “ no, no, it’s ok. you should take it. i think you would’ve reached it first anyway.”
still unsure, you furrowed your eyebrows and looked around in determination to find an equally pretty flower. finally, your eyes settled on a bundle of baby blue forget-me-nots, setting your box down and walking over two small steps to crouch and pick them. after standing up, you held the bundle of flowers out to him.
“you can have these, then,” you had smiled at him warmly, “they match your sweater.”
he bowed politely and walked away with a small smile after accepting the pretty bundle of flowers while you picked up your box in one hand and the single white flower in the other and walked to your new home. soon enough, you realised you’d have to encounter the cute silver-haired man more frequently than you expected.
this became apparent a day later when you stood in the lobby and called for the elevator to go up to your apartment. once it reached your floor and the doors slid open, there he was, standing on the other side and waiting for the same elevator.
“oh, it’s you,” you wanted to smack yourself in the face for not coming up with something better to say. but, nevertheless, that still got his attention as he glanced up from his phone screen.
after a moment, a look of recognition passed over his face and his eyes seemed impossibly soft. it had something stirring in your stomach and you weren’t sure if you welcomed it. it was then that you learned that he was the one who lived in the apartment on your right and frequently had his friends over who were sometimes so loud you could hear them through the wall of your bedroom.  but you didn’t tell him about that last part. 
from then on you’d see each other more often, whether it was in that same park, leaving your place as he enters his, small talk in the elevator.
eventually, he even realised how thin the walls were. one night you were scrolling through your phone in the comfort of your bed when you heard a loud thud followed by a “SHIT!” through the wall. You say up, confusion written all over your face as you tentatively knocked on the wall.
“you okay?” it took him a second to respond, looking around his room with just as much confusion to see where the voice came from until his eyes settled on the wall separating his and your bedroom. 
“yeah, i’m okay.” he sat cross legged on his bed facing the white wall. then he spoke with a slight laugh, “i knocked over my lamp.”
after that incident, it wasn’t unusual for you to have late night conversations through the wall. sometimes you’d be writing your book, asking for suggestions and forgotten words through it and he would help you out. other times he’s be working on his music, playing it just loud enough for you to hear so you could give him a second opinion.
but now as you lay flinching and sobbing in your bed, everything was silent and you were alone. well… until there was a small knock on the wall by your head.
“you okay?”
you pulled the covers closer and nodded your head, soon realising he couldn’t see you. “yeah, i’m good.”
“really? because i can hear you sobbing through the wall.” you couldn’t see him either, but his face was so full of concern it was obvious he actually cared. “you can talk to me, you know…”
when you didn’t respond immediately, he thought you fell asleep. but your small, shaking voice said otherwise. “i-i’m gonna sound stupid…”
“try me.”
his answer was so sure and caring it nearly brought heat to your face. nearly. because as you opened your mouth to respond, another boom of thunder crashed outside your window that has you cursing loudly. he tilted his head, brows furrowing.
“are you scared of the storm?”
“no… okay, yes maybe a bit… a lot actually.” you admitted, squeezing your eyes shut at the prospect you just might have embarrassed yourself in front of your super handsome and pretty much perfect neighbour.
“that’s okay, there’s no need to be ashamed of it.”
you could hear the caring smile in his voice and could almost picture it as well. so, you relaxed. unsure of how to respond, you stayed silent.
“tell me about your day, y/n.”
you knew damn well he was just trying to distract you and talk you into forgetting about the weather, but you answered. and then it turned into another meaningful conversation as he kept your mind too busy to worry about the thunder and rain and lightning. your crying and flinches and shaking subsided quickly and you relaxed as you listened to the voice of the man you were beginning to fall for.
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  [ lilo's notes ... ] a little hongjoong drabble to celebrate sky’s birthday!! i also have a permanent taglist now so if you’d like to be added please let me know :]
  [ networks ... ] @cromernet @blankjournal
  [ taglist ... ] @ad0rechuu
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bvidzsoo · 1 month
Text
You belong to me
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◿Mobster!Hongjoong◸ 
TW: cursing, violence, death, gun, suggestive
Word count: 3,315
A/N: How do I stop the grip Ateez has on me?? What do you mean Hongjoong posts some pictures and I get a story idea?? Ugh, anyways, this is just a short drabble because why is Kim Hongjoong so hot and what is his latest Instagram post of his??
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           The strobing lights of the club were blinding for a few seconds to the newcomers, their eyes forced to quickly adjust to the dim yellowish lightning and the strong pink, purple, and red led lights. They were strung around the club, overhead, lighting up every area of the luxurious place, but they were the strongest on the stage, where dancers walked around and performed using whatever instrument they preferred as props. Some nights I enjoyed pole dancing, but most nights I liked it when I could improvise, dance freely and get lost to the feeling of the freedom music provided. Perhaps my job of choice wasn’t ideal nor well-liked by most people, especially not by my parents, but it paid well and helped me get by quite decently.
It took a little while to get used to the lack of clothing and the hungry of those watching, but in no-time I found myself enjoying the attention, the cheers, the loud howls after my performances…and perhaps the most I enjoyed was the pay check each evening, and the bills men desperate for attention and the touch of a woman would slip into my thin panties or obnoxiously short shorts. The club was in the high-end of the city, only wealthy and influential men visited, courtesy to Kim Hongjoong. A scarily rich and affluential man, well known for his crazed behavior and dangerous affairs with gangs downtown. He was the boss of the underdogs, the man everyone avoided if possible and only got involved with if only very necessary. He was the owner of the club and he took his job very seriously, treating his employees with respect and care, always checking up on them. Misbehaving wasn’t allowed inside his club, and he punished those who didn’t understand this by using creative methods. I had the misfortune of walking in on him waterboarding a man, saying something about how he didn’t respect his end of the deal, before Hongjoong’s eyes found me and I was ushered out of his office, his eyes conveying a silent warning to stay quiet about what I had seen. And I had no intention of telling anyone what I had witnessed, afraid to meet a similar fate to that man.
Kim Hongjoong was someone whom I feared, but also respected. He was diligent and worked hard, at the end of each shift checking in with his performers, making sure they weren’t forced into doing something they didn’t want, checking their bodies for any injuries. At first, I had assumed that he paid more attention to me because I was new, because he didn’t fully trust me yet, and because he was keeping an eye on me to make sure I was being ethical, but upon closer inspection, I’ve come to the realization that Kim Hongjoong didn’t follow every performers steps with watchful eyes, he didn’t buy them drinks once their shifts were over, and he most certainly didn’t arrange his personal driver to drive them home at the crack of dawn, when the streets were deserted and dangerous for a young woman, like myself, to be walking home alone. And Kim Hongjoong certainly didn’t hold his other performers lower backs as he walked them back to their dressing rooms, throwing clothes at them and demanding to cover themselves up. I had assumed there might have been some favoritism towards me as I drew in clients which were filthy rich, but Kim Hongjoong quickly ruined that thought when I overstepped a boundary and meddled with his personal business. He was quick to threaten me that he’d ruin my life if I went running to the police, making me feel small and stupid for even trying to blackmail him. I don’t know what I had been thinking when I did that, but if Hongjoong had paid attention to me up until that point, after my foolish threat he became overbearing, always two steps behind me, and eyes fixed on me during my shifts. It was scary and irritating at the beginning, but I grew used to it after a year of his unceasing behavior and learned to live with the man’s antics. There were times when we ran into each other at the most random places, places where Hongjoong looked completely out of place adorned in his crazily expensive tailored suit, and sleeked back hair. One of said places was the grocery store across from my apartment complex, completely startling me into oblivion as I had been buying some milk, his reflection appearing behind me in the glass door as I had closed it. What was even more unusual was the way he told me I had twenty minutes to get ready before we’d be going out, to where, he didn’t mention. But it turned out he took me out to dinner at a very fancy restaurant. Not many words were exchanged between the two of us during the dinner, but the food had been good nonetheless and neither one of us brought it up ever again.
Tonight hadn’t been any usual, I had walked inside the club around eight in the evening, going to my dressing room and dressing up for the night, doing my makeup and hair. When I pushed the door open an outfit had been laid out on my couch and my eyebrows furrowed as I took in the schoolgirl outfit, slightly uncomfortable having to wear it, but when I noticed a note on top of it and signed as KH¸ I knew I didn’t have a choice but to wear it. And my shift had started out as usual, I was up on the stage and performing by ten o’clock, putting on my best performance and charming men left and right. The cheers were louder than usual and I was requested to put on a second show, surprised by the incessant attention, but not completely bothered as I knew the pay check would be higher tonight. Of course, I didn’t miss the way Kim Hongjoong watched both of my performances, leaning against the bar stool, hip resting against it, and a glass filled with whiskey gripped in his hand as his eyes trailed over my body multiple times, following every move of mine. But the night didn’t stop there, and I had gotten my first ever request for a private performance. The others who I worked with had plenty experience with that, but it had been my first time and I was feeling nervous. Yeji had been nice enough to walk me through the steps of what this meant and what was required of me, and she made sure to repeat the rules multiple times, making me repeat them after her. The private rooms were small and dimly lit, a huge sofa inside with a coffee table in front of it. There was a stereo and a pole in the corner of the room.
The man who had request for a private dance was gruffy and on the older side, but he was well dressed and looked put together as he sipped on his expensive champagne, grinning when I had walked inside. I pushed down my nerves and ignored the slight tremble of my limbs as I thanked the man for the request and stated the rules firmly, reminding him multiple times that he wasn’t allowed to touch me unless I gave him permission, before I put on the music and started dancing, using the pole as well. It felt weird performing for one man only and I found myself uncomfortable as the man watched me with hungry eyes, his grip on the glass tightening with each passing minute, making me hope that the booked time would be soon over. Half an hour wasn’t much at all, but it felt like an eternity, and I had to force myself to imagine the man I was dancing for was someone else…someone younger, someone more handsome, someone who’s smile was crazed and his cat-like eyes burned holes into your skull, gazing deeply into your soul. When the music finally stopped, I felt like I could breathe again, desperate to get out and away from the eyes of the man, who was licking his lips hungrily as I stepped away from the pole and bowed slightly, going up to the coffee table to collect my payment, but as I reached out, his warm hand grabbed my wrist tightly.
“I’ll pay twice as much for a lap dance.” I was stunned for a second as I looked at the man, softly trying to pry my wrist out of his hold.
“You paid for half an hour, sir, I’m afraid we part ways here.” I kept my voice leveled and the man didn’t seem to appreciate what he heard as he scoffed.
“Twice is not good enough for you? Fine, then I’ll pay thrice the amount I just paid right now.” And then, a nasty smirk spread on his lips, as he unexpectedly yanked on my wrist, making me fall onto his lap, “Don’t be shy, baby girl, I don’t bite. Unless you want me to.”
I felt disgust wash over me and I gasped, trying to push myself off him, but he had sneaked an arm around my middle and squeezed me to himself. My skin tingled and my stomach flipped, bile rising up into my throat. I tried to keep the scowl off my face, but I couldn’t help it as my eyes hardened.
“I stated clearly you are not allowed to touch me, so let go of me, right now.” I demanded, trying to push myself off of him again as the man just scoffed and looked at me with an amused expression.
“Really? I think you do want me to touch you, baby girl. You’re just playing hard to get, but you don’t have to do that with me, I already want you badly.” As if to prove a point, he bucked his hips upwards and disgust coursed through my veins and showed on my face as I felt his hard-on, balling my hands up into fists, ready to pound them into his face.
“Release me, right now.” I snapped, voice harsher than ever before as I felt my hands trembling, hating the smug look on the motherfucker’s face as he went to push my hair behind my shoulders, but I quickly slapped his hand away, hard.
“Don’t be rude, I just paid you, bitch.” He hissed and I chuckled.
“And I said let go of me, you old fuck.” I hissed, squaring the man up. Before he could open his mouth to say anything back, I heard the curtain behind me separating us from the rest of the club pulled open harshly, and a familiar voice sounding eerily calm.
“Was the lady not clear enough the first time?” I could hear the sneer in Kim Hongjoong’s voice and I turned my head, taken aback by the dark look on his face, the harsh clenching of his jaw and the handgun in his left hand. I tried not to let my surprise show as I shoved at the man again, but he still didn’t let go of me. It was getting frustrating and I raised my hand and slapped him, momentarily taking him off guard as I swiftly slipped out of his loosened grip.
“You bitch!” The old man yelled and stood, but didn’t get far as Hongjoong pointed his gun at the man, an amused smirk appearing on his lips. He walked further inside the room, with his right hand in his pocket, and came to a stop next to me as I had put distance between the man and myself. He chuckled as his eyes rested on me for a few seconds, lazily looking back at the older man.
“You said you’ll pay thrice the amount? I don’t see the money—”
“And you won’t see it, fucker, I’m not paying this bitch at all.” And the man snatched the money, fallen on the couch now, up with anger written all over his face as Hongjoong chuckled, and suddenly I felt his right arm draping over my shoulders, yanking me into his side. I stumbled slightly and gasped quietly, surprised by Hongjoong’s actions.
“That’s very unfortunate,” Hongjoong sighed dramatically and I felt his fingers rubbing my shoulder, a sly grin slipping onto his lips, “I must demand you apologize to Y/N for disrespecting her and clearly not following the rules.”
The man chuckled and eyed Hongjoong as if he were crazy, “You wish, fucker. This club is a piece of shit, I’m going to ruin you and your shitty ass business.”
“For somebody your age your vocabulary is quite lacking.” The man’s face turned red at the insult, prompting Hongjoong to chuckle as I tried to hide my own amused smirk, staring the old man down. Hongjoong’s hand suddenly started slipping low, down to my middle until it stopped at my waist and suddenly he was looking at me, eyes glazed over with a crazy glint in them, lips pulled into a grin resembling that of a Chesire cat’s, “Tell me, gorgeous, what should I do with him now?”
My mind was blank as I stared into Hongjoong’s deep eyes, getting lost in them, feeling drawn to him as if he were a magnet, “Whatever you wish, Hongjoong.”
A wide, satisfied, grin appeared on his lips as he bit his lower lip, eyes glinting in the dim light, “Anything?”
I gulped and found myself breathless, his expensive cologne invading my senses and his warmth making my skin warm in the best possible way, “You are the boss.”
Hongjoong chuckled and looked satisfied as he turned his head to face the older man, clicking his tongue as he shook his head at him, “Look at you…I hope you said your goodbyes before coming here, because you won’t be doing any talking no more with that foul mouth of yours, you old pig.”
And Hongjoong raised his arm, the safety off as he pulled the trigger, the gun silent, yet still making my ears ring as I jumped in Hongjoong’s hold, squeezing my eyes shut. He had shot the man, pulled the trigger like it meant nothing, as if taking away a life meant nothing to him. I felt myself tremble as Hongjoong’s hold tightened around me and I was being moved, my back turned to the dead man as I felt hands cupping my face, “Open your eyes, gorgeous. Look at me.”
I gulped and took a shaky breath, body trembling as I forced myself to look at Hongjoong, taken aback by the cold expression on his face. He looked unphased, almost content, as he caressed my cheeks, leaning dangerously close as his eyebrows furrowed, he was no longer holding the gun, “Nobody but me is allowed to touch you, gorgeous, do you understand?”
I gulped and nodded wordlessly, trying to ignore the stench of blood which permeated the room suddenly, the hairs on my arms standing as my muscles were tense, “Use your words, Y/N.”
“I understand.” I whispered, voice shaky, as I stared into Hongjoong’s eyes, a pleased expression crossing his features. He hummed before suddenly whistling, startling me as Hongjoong released me, but grabbed the back of my head to prevent me from turning around, as if I had doing that in mind. Suddenly, four men walked inside, men I haven’t seen before, and Hongjoong glanced at them and nodded behind me wordlessly, the men springing into action. They walked past us and I realized they were here to take care of the dead man, but we didn’t stick around for longer as Hongjoong suddenly turned and started leading us out of the room and towards my dressing room, making me nervous as I tried to ignore the whirling thoughts that I was witness to my boss killing someone. What if the police come searching for the dead man? What if they question me? I knew Hongjoong wouldn’t hesitate killing me too, the thought made it a bit hard to breathe, but I just kept stiffly walking as Hongjoong’s hand slipped to my nape, veering me around effortlessly and away from the curious eyes as he pushed me inside my dressing room and closed the door with a loud slam. I jumped and detached myself from him, putting distance between our bodies as I whirled around, looking at Hongjoong with wide eyes. He was smirking as he leaned against the door, rubbing his chin as he placed his hand in his pocket. I gulped and waited for him to say something, but he just took out his pack of cigarettes and lit a cigar, inhaling deeply before exhaling slowly. Our eyes locked together and I gulped, suddenly feeling exposed.
“Let’s be honest with each other, Y/N.” Hongjoong spoke up after he took another drag of his cigar, “Will I have to worry about you rattling to others about what you just witnessed?”
I gulped, lacing my fingers together in front of myself, “Will you kill me if I did?”
“Of course.” Hongjoong answered without hesitation and my gut twisted, hands suddenly trembling again. I gulped and nodded, letting him know that I understood.
“Then I won’t say anything to anyone.” I found myself quietly saying, “But you have to promise to help me out when the police gets involved.”
Hongjoong chuckled, and took another long drag of his cigar as he suddenly pushed off the door, and walked towards me, “Oh, gorgeous, do not worry about the police. Even they know not to meddle with my business. This will be our little secret; can you keep it?”
He blew the smoke in my face and I gulped, trying to not cringe from the smell, “I’ll—I promise to keep this a secret.”
“Lovely.” Hongjoong whispered as he threw his cigar on the floor and stepped on it, making my eyes widen as he burned out the carpet, but he seemed uncaring of it as he placed one finger under my chin and tilted my head up, looking me in the eyes, “Private shows are off limits from now on, to everyone. Understood, gorgeous?”
“Yes.” I muttered, and my breath stilled in my lungs as Hongjoong leaned incredibly close, his lips ghosting over mine as he smirked.
“These men will be never able to offer you what I can give you.” And Hongjoong pressed his lips against mine, harsh and hungry as they slipped open while his hand slipped to my neck, wrapping around it as his body was pressed flush against mine. I gasped into the kiss as I felt his tongue pushing past my lips, exploring my mouth, groaning into it as Hongjoong devoured my lips ferociously, walking us backwards. I grabbed the sides of his suit and held onto him, blindly letting Hongjoong walk me anywhere, his sweet taste blooming in my mouth as he sucked on my tongue, my fingers tangling in his black hair, the back of my legs hitting the sofa behind me suddenly. Hongjoong quickly cut the kiss short and pushed me down by my neck, making me look up at him in confusion as he smirked, easing me down into the cushions. My heart was thundering in my chest as his eyes burned with want and passion, and suddenly he was kneeling in front of me, gripping my thighs as my skin flamed, making me gulp as my hands clenched into fists at my sides, chest heaving. He slowly peeled my legs open and yanked me lower on the sofa, biting his lower lip as his eyes followed the smooth skin of my legs, stopping just where my skirt had ridden up. He licked his lips, a hungry look in his eyes as he looked up at me, leaning closer.
“Let me show you how queens get treated, gorgeous.”
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Masterlist
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i-luvsang · 9 months
Text
want to kiss you — kim hongjoong
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1.2K MILESTONE EVENT ☆ CLOSED gn!reader , fluff, lowkey angst (someone’s pining), best friends to lovers!au , cw : like i said, major pining, truly idiots to lovers, unedited , wc : 0.6K , hEH here you are orion !!! eughhh i’m not the most confident at writing joong so i hope you enjoy !!! love you lots <333 @nebulousbrainsoup
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when you told hongjoong you had a question for him, this is not what he expected.
“how do i know if i have a crush on someone?” your tone is genuine and curious, innocent even, and it makes hongjoong’s heart begin to beat fast, like it does when you absentmindedly slip your hand into his.
“uh…,” he struggles to respond, taken aback.
“is that too weird to ask? i just kinda realized i wasn’t really sure… and well… you’ve dated people before, so i thought,” you trail off, suddenly growing a bit shy.
“no! no, it’s not weird,” he jumps to assure you, thinking about the way that, just a little bit, he lives for the way your expression becomes relieved, a small smile finding its way to your lips. his heart lurches again at the utter trust in your eyes, the trust he knows is reserved just for him. somehow, that trust is his saving grace, what makes him yours, while also feeling like everything that damns him to the hell of “friend-zoned.” he wonders who’s on your mind. san, maybe? the two of you have grown close since he introduced you, he recalls.
the soft whisper of a breath leaving your lips, a sound imperceptible to anyone but him, pulls him back to you, to the way he hasn’t actually answered your question.
“well,” he begins, carefully choosing the words for you, “you can’t stop thinking about them, you feel strange when they’re around, and then you want to– why are you looking at me like that?” 
you tilt your head to the side. “like what?”
like i’m the one you can’t stop thinking about, he thinks. “nevermind.”
“well?” you urge him on. “‘then you want to’ what?”
hongjoong clears his throat, trying not to think about what he really wants. about kissing you. “then you want to… well, hold their hand... kiss them.” he stares straight into your eyes as he says this, not even trying to hide it. looking at you like you were looking at him. like he can’t stop thinking about you, like he feels strange when you’re around, like he wants to kiss you.
you’re silent for a moment, taking in his gaze and all of the weight behind it. “why are you looking at me like that?” you echo his words from moments ago.
“because i want to.”
“want to what?”
he almost says it. i want to kiss you, like a mantra, said over and over again in his head. but he can’t do that because what if you didn’t mean that look. what if it isn’t meant for him. what if your gaze of pure want is for someone else.
“yknow, joong, that sounded like you were flirting with me.” and at that he almost bursts, because yes! that’s exactly it. he was flirting with you, but he can’t admit to that. 
and yet, your look continues to say otherwise, and he knows you so well. he knows that your face tells him the truth every single time. he knows that, if that look weren’t for him, it wouldn’t be on your face, not as you gaze into his eyes, not when you added a hint of “tell me you love me” to your voice when you said those words.
he calls your name, soft and firm, as if something is pulling at his voice, something like desperation. “…i have been trying to do that for three years now.”
“flirt with me?”
“yes,” the passion, the pleading in his voice surprises you, but only for a moment, because he is passion and you know that all too well.
“that’s good. because i think i have a crush on you,” you’re breathless as you confess. he almost laughs at that; you’re so goddamn adorable.
“well, that’s good,” he echoes, “because i definitely have a crush on you. and i’d really, really like to kiss you right now.”
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yoongiseesawmp3 · 1 year
Text
marigold - hongjoong (m)
part of the frat boy series.
summary: annoying frat boy!hongjoong. your best friend and the bane of your existence is probably the love of your life, and you’re not sure how to tell him. your mutual friend seonghwa knows about your true feelings for hongjoong, and he does everything in his power to get you two together. one halloween party, one rainy car ride and one emotional rollercoaster later, you finally get a taste of what you’ve been waiting so long for. 
word count: 12.7k
warnings: smut!!!! protected sex. some alcohol use. afab reader, gendered pronouns. kinda unedited!
“you’re joking right?” you ask with a scoff. “you can’t be serious right now.”
“but i am!” your best friend, hongjoong, says with a devious smile. “it’s a cute costume!”
“joong, it’s barely a costume,” you insist, pulling at the strands of fabric he’s dangling in front of you. “i’m not sure i could get into that let alone wear it at a party all night.”
“cmon, you’re gonna find the perfect man wearing this,” hongjoong says, wiggling his eyebrows and nudging your arm. “no offense my love, but you need to get laid.”
“no offense, my love,” you emphasize with a shove back against him, “but i’m not wearing that even if you paid me.”
“name your price.”
“oh baby you can’t afford me,” you tell him, and he rolls his eyes.
“FINE,” he sighs dramatically. “but you owe me.”
“just like you owe me for setting you up with that girl from my japanese class?”
“ahem,” a voice cuts in, pulling your collective focus away. seonghwa is standing in the doorway of their shared room, eyebrows raised. it seems like he quirks them further when he sees that you’re sharing the futon under hongjoong’s lofted bed, your feet draped over his lap and his hand casually on your knee. it’s comfortable, because you and hongjoong are so close, but seonghwa knows what’s really going on.
seonghwa knows that you’re deeply, madly in love with your best friend. you’ve been into him since you met at work a few years ago, and you drunkenly confessed to seonghwa at a party last month that you’ve been waiting for hongjoong to make a move for about....two years now. super casual, no need for alarm, but seonghwa has been a little mad at you ever since he found out because he knows you’re aware of how slutty hongjoong is, politely. he knows that you know hongjoong will never be a relationship guy, and you’re not necessarily looking for something long term, but you’d want to hold onto hongjoong longer than he’d like to stick around. that’s why you’re fine with being friends, at least you still get to see him all the time and share all the exciting parts of your life with him. but seonghwa is still pissed, because he thinks you’re better than that. 
“hey seonghwa,” you say first, and he slowly walks into the room.
“hope i’m not interrupting,” he says as he dumps his clean clothes onto his bed.
“not at all,” hongjoong replies, pushing your legs off him to go show seonghwa what he thinks is the perfect halloween costume. “look at this.”
“did you get into a fight?” seonghwa asks. “how’d your shirt get ruined?”
“it’s not mine,” hongjoong says. “it’s y/n’s. i think it’d be a great costume, but you disagree, don’t you?”
“i don’t want to be a sexy mummy,” you insist, taking up the space hongjoong left and sprawling out over the futon. “i’m sleeping here tonight, by the way.”
“we knew that,” hongjoong says, and seonghwa nods in confirmation.
“you don’t want to wear that, y/n?” seonghwa asks, making you sit up and glare at him. “it could attract the right attention.”
“what do you mean by that?” hongjoong questions, eyes whipping back and forth between you and hwa. “y/n’s into somebody?”
“no,” you say quickly before seonghwa can reply. “hwa’s just looking out for me like you are.” hongjoong holds your gaze a moment longer to make sure you’re not lying, and while he’s staring you down you see seonghwa rolling his eyes. hongjoong turns around to ask hwa a question and you stick your tongue out at him, making him laugh.
“hey, i don’t like it when you guys have jokes i don’t understand,” hongjoong whines. “y/n’s my best friend, we should have inside jokes.”
“sorry man, i guess i just see a different side of her,” seonghwa says, and now it’s your turn to roll your eyes. 
“ok, whoa, don’t tell me you have a hard on for my best friend, man,” hongjoong replies defensively. he looks between you both and then his face softens as he goes on, “actually, you two would make a cute couple. have you ever thought about-”
“no!” you and seonghwa shout in unison. 
“ok, ok, sorry!” he says defensively. “but, like, have you thought about it...? even just a little bit?”
“i’m going to take a shower,” you say simply, standing up and grabbing a clean towel off of seonghwa’s bed. you ignore his protests as you head to the en suite that connects them to more of the boys living in the frat house, and you make sure the bathroom is free from frat-goers (or guests) before you get undressed. you hear seonghwa and hongjoong arguing through the door, but can’t make out the words. you choose to ignore it and turn the shower on, humming a song as you search for yunho’s body wash (it smells the best, sh!). maybe you’ll catch the end of the argument when you come back out.
-
“seriously, do you have a thing for y/n?” hongjoong asks seonghwa as soon as the bathroom door shuts.
“why are you so concerned? you don’t have a thing for her, do you?” seonghwa quips back, and hongjoong stutters out a response.
“i, no, i’m just saying, if you were into y/n i wouldn’t be opposed. you could dick her down-”
“stop talking.”
“-and maybe she’d get off my dick about how much i sleep around!” hongjoong finishes. “she needs to be reminded of the simple pleasures of being human.”
“why is she even friends with you?”
“you’re friends with me,” hongjoong points out, and seonghwa stares at him with a half folded shirt in his hands. 
“and do you think that’s by choice or by proximity?”
“careful or i’ll piss in your bed the next time i’m drunk.”
“do you two need to be left alone?” you ask, poking your head out of the bathroom to hear the end of the worst possible conversation ever. 
“hey sexy, sleeping without clothes on?” hongjoong asks, referring to your towel clad, post-shower body. 
“no jackass,” you say, cheeks heating up ever so slightly. “i forget this house is run by elderly rats so i left my clothes on the floor and now they’re soaked. i need a shirt to sleep in or something.”
“here,” seonghwa starts to pass you one of his clean ones, neatly folded into stacks on his bed. hongjoong beats him to it though, making it to his closet in two steps and pulling a shirt out for you. 
“you can wear this,” he says, tossing it to you and you thank him quietly but linger at the door. “need something else?”
“am i supposed to sleep commando? all my clothes are sopping wet,” you reiterate. “so i need. boxers. or pants.”
“you want em to match the shirt?” hongjoong asks, and you laugh even though he’s completely serious. 
“yes please,” you reply just to give him the chance to make something cute for you out of this awkward situation. 
“hmmm, ok,” he says, looking through his underwear drawer before pulling out a pair of boxer briefs for you. “these are probably clean.”
“probably?!”
“kidding,” he says as he slingshots them your way. miraculously you’re able to catch them and you thank him again before you duck back into the bathroom. when you come out a few minutes later, seonghwa is busy putting his clothes away and hongjoong is messing with pillows and blankets on the futon. 
“i could’ve done that,” you tell him, and he shakes his head.
“nope, i’m doing this for me,” he says. “you’re taking the bed.”
“hongjoong no-”
“no protests!” he insists. “let me be nice to you.”
“ok,” you reply meekly, gratefully taking the pillow he hands you.
“now give us a spin, let me see the fit,” he teases, and you roll your eyes at him.
“it’s just pajamas, it’s not a fit. it is cute though.”
“yeah, when you said you were giving her something that matched i thought you were gonna pull out your spongebob set,” seonghwa says with a sneaky smile. 
“you have spongebob pjs?!” you ask eagerly, and you catch hongjoong blushing. 
“only because hwa gave them to me!”
“because you asked for them! you liked my patrick ones so bad you wanted your own!”
“you guys have matching pjs?” you ask with a smile. “now that is just precious. maybe one day i’ll get sandy pjs and we can all match.”
“hey, that’s a good idea!” hongjoong says, a mischievous spark in his eyes.
“what is?”
“us wearing matching costumes,” he continues. “for halloween.”
“no, don’t involve me in this,” seonghwa says with a shake of his head. 
“no,” you and hongjoong both whine.
“it would be cute, hwa!” you insist. 
“cmon, we’ve been friends long enough i think we’re long overdue for a throuple costume,” hongjoong agrees.
“don’t call it that,” seonghwa says, “and maybe i’ll consider it. if you come up with a good idea and find the costumes, i’ll do it.”
“deal,” hongjoong says happily, grabbing his phone to no doubt look for costume ideas. “turn the light off when you’re done being anal about your sock drawer?”
“fine.”
-
the next day, you wake up to the sound of seonghwa tripping over hongjoong’s shoes as he’s getting ready for class. a quick peek over the side of the bed lets you know that hongjoong isn’t in the room, did he have an early class you didn’t know about? you lift yourself up, alerting seonghwa of your presence, and he nods at you with a yawn.
“how’d you sleep?” he asks with a smack of his lips. 
“pretty good,” you reply, absentmindedly playing with the corner of hongjoong’s pillow. “these sheets are really soft.”
“yeah, hongjoong pays for designer bedding,” seonghwa says. “he’s a weirdo.”
“yep.”
“what do you see in him?” seonghwa asks bluntly. “i know you’re super into him, but why? why is he the guy you’re hung up on.”
“maybe hongjoong was right,” you start. “maybe you are into me.” a pillow flying at your head tells you you’re wrong. “hey!”
“i’m in a relationship, you dipshit,” seonghwa says.
“since when?!”
“for about a month,” seonghwa brushes it off. “we’re not talking about me. we’re talking about you and your sadistic interest in your best friend who, to my understanding, you just set up with one of your friends?”
“so you heard that?”
“why’d you do that?” hwa asks, sounding disappointed. “why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”
“i don’t know,” you shrug. “i know him better than anyone. i would know if he liked me back. so i guess i tried setting him up with my friend to trick myself into moving on? like maybe if he was really into someone else then i could finally get him off my mind.”
“y/n,” seonghwa sighs. “you deserve more than this. you can’t just wait around for him, or wait for yourself to get over him. maybe you do need to get laid.”
“you and joong make a charming pair, did you know that?” you ask with a smile. “i’ll try my best.”
“you know san-”
“always hits on me, i know,” you cut him off. “but he’s so much worse than hongjoong. you look up fuckboy in the dictionary and his picture is there instead of a definition.”
“i’m not saying you need to find mr. right, you just need something..fun,” seonghwa says carefully. “san could be that thing.”
“i’ll think about it,” you assure him. “is he here, do you know?”
“is who here?” hongjoong asks, busting back into the room with a carrier of coffee and a bag from mcdonald’s. “i’m right here baby.”
“i knew you didn’t have an early class,” you say, reaching down for the coffee you know is yours. seonghwa always gets hot chocolate (child) and joong drinks cold coffee even in the snow (madman) so it’s easy to distinguish them all. the first sip is heavenly, and you thank hongjoong as he climbs up into his lofted bed with you.
“hwa i didn’t know if you were hungry so i just got you a biscuit,” he starts, tossing the food down. seonghwa has to act fast, but thankfully he catches it. “and i got you that weird sandwich you like. it confused the poor girl in the drive thru though, i don’t think anyone ever orders it.”
“well i appreciate the effort,” you say as you snatch the delicacy from his hands.
“so what did i interrupt?” hongjoong asks, mouthful of hashbrown. “who are you looking for?”
“did you see san downstairs?” seonghwa asks, and hongjoong thinks for a minute.
“he might have just come home, yeah,” he says finally. “why, you lookin for him?”
“no, y/n is,” seonghwa smirks, and hongjoong stiffens next to you. “i’m trying to convince her to stop ignoring his courtship and just let the guy take her out.”
“why?” hongjoong asks defensively, and you look to him quickly, trying to read his expression. he turns to catch your eye, and you almost see...panic? worry? but it vanishes before you can identify it. “he’s a dick.”
“he’s your friend,” you say.
“yeah, and he’s a dick,” hongjoong repeats. “he just wants to get in your pants.”
“i’m sorry, didn’t we have a whole conversation last night about how you wished someone would blow my back out?”
“OH!” hongjoong shouts, shuffling around for his phone. “that reminds me, i figured out our costume!!!” 
you and seonghwa share a look, noticing how hongjoong ignored your question and changed the subject so quickly. the side glance is interrupted by hongjoong’s phone being shoved in your face, and you cackle at the picture in front of you.
“ok, that’s it,” you gasp through another laugh. “you can’t pick our costumes for anything, ever.”
“what is it?” seonghwa asks, scurrying over and standing on his tiptoes to see into the bed better. hongjoong shows him, and a slow smile creeps over seonghwa’s face.
“NO,” you say, “you LIKE it?!”
“what? it’s cute!” seonghwa says.
“thank you!” hongjoong shouts. “two against one, y/n, sorry.”
“ok, then it can be a couple costume,” you tell them as you shake your head. “i’m not doing that.”
“but we love this movie,” hongjoong pouts. “you’ll be boo, i’ll be sully, hwa will be mike wazowski, it’ll be perfect.”
“that’s what you said about the mummy.”
“i mean it this time.”
“wait, why am i wazowski?” hwa asks. 
“because of your big beautiful eyes. or should i say eye,” you joke, and hongjoong laughs, falling over into your side as he does. when he regains his composure, you feel like he’s closer than he was before, but maybe that’s just your imagination. “plus, your new little boo thing could be celia!”
“seonghwa has a celia?!” hongjoong asks, eyes wide. “ok, i officially don’t like you two knowing more about each other than i do.”
“aw does baby have main character syndrome?” you tease, pouting in joong’s direction. “hwa and i can be friends, shut up.”
“no,” he snips. “you hurt my feelings. and to make up for it, you have to be the boo to my sully.”
“fine,” you sigh dramatically. hongjoong leans in and pecks your cheek, thanking you profusely as he dives back into his breakfast, thrilled about the frat’s halloween party this weekend because the three of you are “totally gonna dominate the costume contest.” you don’t hear him though, too focused on the heat lingering on your cheek. you smile to yourself as joong blabbers on, and return to the food in front of you. maybe the costumes will be fun after all.
-
“hongjoong, no,” you insist, getting deja vu to the other night. “that can’t be my costume! why do you keep doing this to me?”
“why do you hate having fun?” hongjoong counters, pouting behind the shirt he’s holding up. this is supposed to be your entire costume?
“it’s freezing and you want me to wear a shirt and nothing else?”
“i got biker shorts!” he says, scrambling through a bag on his futon. “they look like boo’s shorts, so you can wear those and the shirt. what’s wrong with that? may i remind you that you agreed to this.”
“yeah, but i thought you were gonna get actual costumes.”
“these are costumes!”
“these are just clothes!” you argue, pointing to the goodwill bags on his bed. “you made it seem like you were gonna be in a full sully suit, so i thought i was gonna be in that fake monster suit boo wears. not clothes that could still get me hypothermia.”
“y/n please,” hongjoong begs. “i worked really hard to find these outfits, and i’m really proud of them. we’re gonna look so cute! and you’re ruining it!”
“i’m not ruining it,” you grumble, snatching the shirt from his hands. “i’ll do it.”
“thank you thank you thank you!” hongjoong cheers, kissing your cheeks repeatedly in gratitude. he finishes with one last peck on the tip of your nose, and you can’t help but smile at your annoying best friend.
“you’re welcome,” you sigh, grabbing the shorts too. “but move, i need to go to the bathroom and change.”
you shuffle past hongjoong and he says he’s going to find seonghwa to give him his pieces, and you nod before sneaking into the main part of the bathroom. you turn around and almost jump out of your skin, not expecting to see san in there. especially not a half naked san, because he’s in...red leather pants? and nothing else?
“jesus, you scared me,” you say, clutching your chest. 
“well i do live here,” he says with a smirk, eyeing the items in your hands. “costume?”
“yeah,” you nod. “you?”
“nah, this is just my loungewear,” he teases, getting you to crack a smile. 
“so what are you?” you ask, not so subtly checking him out. what kind of costume is just red pants? sexy santa?
“i’m the devil,” he responds, holding up a headband with horns on it to complete the look. 
“dressing in character i see,” you tease, and san pretends to look offended.
“do you need help getting into your costume, love?” he asks, motioning to your clothes, and you shake your head.
“no, thank you,” you say sternly. “but i might need help with the pigtails.”
a few minutes later, you’re in full boo (and freezing, why don’t they turn the heat on in here?) and san has you centered in the mirror with the most concentrated look on his face. he’s trying to get your pigtails to be the same height. the left one is done, perfect, and now he’s working on the right, his tongue tucked between his lips in concentration. for once he’s quiet, not trying to hit on you, and as he smooths your hair to add the elastic, hongjoong comes bursting into the bathroom, causing san to let the hair tie go and slingshot against your head as a result.
“ow!” you shriek, elbowing san in his very warm, firm and exposed midriff. 
“sorry,” he says quickly, kissing the side of your head that got the hit. “all better?”
“what are you doing?” hongjoong asks coldly. you look at him through the mirror, san’s hand still gripping your hair and restricting your movement. you notice hongjoong leaned up against the bathroom door in his subtle sully costume, arms crossed over his chest.
“i’m helping y/n get dressed,” san says simply. “can you hand me another elastic, doll?”
“why, did the other one ricochet off my head and sail to the moon?”
“hey, i didn’t fling it that hard-”
“i can help her,” hongjoong cuts in, moving behind you to push san out of the way. “looks like you’re not dressed yet yourself.”
“nope, i’m all good,” san replies, winking at you in the mirror. “being a sexy devil doesn’t need much work.”
“who said you were sexy?”
“people,” san shrugs, catching your eye again. “i bet y/n agrees.”
“i’m not feeding your ego, san.”
“ugh, such a tease,” he whines. “i’m gonna go check on the drinks. i’ll see you down there?”
“maybe,” hongjoong answers for you curtly, slighting pulling your hair as he finishes the pigtail. you mutter a quiet ouch that goes unnoticed by the two men, and you roll your eyes. frat boys are so dramatic. hongjoong finishes your hair, adjusting a few things before patting the top of your head to signify he’s done. you turn around to face him, and the proximity almost takes your breath away. you stare at him closely for a second before speaking.
“so could you have been any ruder to san?”
“i wasn’t rude to the kid,” hongjoong says with a wave of his hand. “he’s a big boy, he can handle it anyway.”
“hm.”
“what?”
“nothing,” you shrug, pushing past hongjoong to go back into his room. you see seonghwa in there, adjusting his hair in the mirror on their door. he checks your costume and smiles.
“you look cute,” he says sweetly. then he sees hongjoong behind you. “you look mad.”
“hongjoong is jealous,” you tell him, gathering your phone and the cheap white sneakers you’ll wear tonight, even though it’s not necessarily part of the costume. you refuse to attend a frat party in just socks.
“i am not jealous!” hongjoong says defensively. is that a blush you see creeping up his neck?
“of who?” seonghwa perks up. “san?!”
“yeah, he was flirting with me and joong didn’t like it,” you explain. 
“i’m liking this,” seonghwa says with an evil smirk. “operation get y/n laid is in motion.”
“no!” hongjoong shouts, pulling your attention. 
“and why not?” you ask, quirking an eyebrow as you wait for a response. hongjoong sputters for a moment before he can get a real thought out.
“i...he...i don’t....ugh. fine, yeah. go fuck him, who cares.”
-
hongjoong doesn’t know why you and san being so buddy buddy has his blood boiling, but he sure doesn’t like it. he knows he started this whole "operation” but the thought of you spending the night at the frat and not ending up in his bed was...strange. 
wait, not like that though. like, you ending up in his bed as in he’s letting you sleep there while he’s on the futon. not like..fucking. or maybe that’s what his subconscious is trying to tell him? why else would he be so jealous? no. don’t even go there.
it could just be the fact that you’re such good friends and hongjoong doesn’t want to watch you get hurt by someone he knows will lose interest in you as soon as he gets his dick wet. yes, that’s it! that’s his story. not the him wanting you in his bed one, no. that’s weird. so he’ll just play up the protective friend card, and everyone will be happy in the end.
that’s what leads to hongjoong following you around all night, at least more than usual. typically he’ll slip away at some point to chase some ass, but tonight he’s everywhere you turn. you’re not complaining, you like the extra attention from him, but you also really enjoy the way san keeps checking you out, and hongjoong is preventing anything from happening there. 
“hey, i think my friend from class is here,” you say, pulling hongjoong down to your level to make sure he hears. your lips just grazing his ear has the hair on the back of his neck standing up, but he just shrugs it off.
“oh really?” he asks, looking over your shoulder to see the girl he was chasing earlier this week. you must not be that close with her, otherwise you’d know how brutally she turned him down. she looks good though, so good that he almost abandons ship and risks the humiliation of another rejection. but he sees san move closer out of the corner of his eye, and he refocuses on his main objective for the night. “i think i’m good right here.”
“while i’m flattered you want to spend time with me,” you begin, “i don’t need a babysitter. you can go talk to her, i don’t mind, really.”
hongjoong tries to object, but you actually start to push him away, so he decides he has to at least disappear for a minute or so to make you think he went to shoot his shot. thankfully she went into the dining room where there’s germ filled bowls of snacks, so he heads in that direction and passes right through to the kitchen to grab another drink. he makes too, one for him and one for you, and he’s working on his story as he walks back but the sight he returns to stops him dead in his tracks.
you’re in the same spot, except now you’re pinned to the wall by none other than choi san. and even though it’s dark, and hongjoong doesn’t have the best view, it looks like san’s trying to fuse your lips together by sheer force. hongjoong decides in a split second whether he should back off (he did say you needed to get laid) but he realizes it can’t be by choi san. forget whatever he said earlier, he’s stepping in. 
he walks up to you and feigns innocence, letting out an “oh!” once he’s within ear shot. your eyes shoot open and find his, and san notices your attention being pulled away. he doesn’t separate his lips from yours as he turns to follow where your eyes are looking nervously, and when san sees hongjoong he pulls away but places his hands firmly on your hips.
“hey man,” he says casually. “you having a good time?”
“i was,” hongjoong spits. “y/n i brought you a drink.”
“we’re kinda busy man,” san says a little more sternly. “we’ll catch up with you later.”
“y/n?” hongjoong asks, ignoring san. you look between the two men awkwardly, unsure of what to do. 
“i’m not thirsty,” you finally say, politely pushing the cup hongjoong has offered you away. “thanks though.”
“sure thing,” he grumbles, stomping off to god knows where. you watch him go, but san pushing your chin up to meet his sultry gaze pulls you back to the moment. 
hongjoong huffed his way through the party up to his room, trying not to think about what might be going on downstairs. only when he opens the door to his room, he sees seonghwa getting busy with his new girlfriend (hongjoong wasn’t sure she was real, this confirms that for sure). 
“oh god,” hongjoong groans, closing the door and shouting “sorry!” a few times for good measure. he doesn’t know where to go now, so he trudges his way to the stairs and plops down on the top step. he poured your drink into his own before heading to his room, and now he downs the double before sighing and leaning his head on the wall. he closes his eyes for a moment, unable to process his thoughts with all that’s going on around him. a drunken stranger stumbling out of the hall bathroom brings him back to reality, and he scoots out of the way as they walk treacherously downstairs. hongjoong watches them go, wondering how everyone else is having a better time at this party than him. when the partygoer reaches the end of the stairs and turns right to head back into the fray, hongjoong notices two people scurrying to the bedrooms on the main floor. he recognizes the pink shirt and red leather pants, and you make eye contact with your best friend as san leads you into his room. hongjoong just watches on as you get pulled in, and after moping for a moment longer, he stands and heads back to the party. if he can’t stop you from getting seduced by his new mortal enemy, then he’ll just go drown his sorrows until hopefully seonghwa and his girl tire out so he can just sneak into bed later and hate himself for getting into this situation in the first place. 
-
“so,” san starts, standing in front of you in his dimly lit room. there’s one line of led lights on the back wall, lit red to keep up with his devilish theme tonight. “what now, love?”
“what, you talk a big game and then when it comes time to take off my pants you just back down?” you laugh, and san shakes his head. 
“no, i’m very familiar with what happens next,” he assures you. “i just didn’t know if this is what you really wanted. if i’m what you wanted.”
“what do you mean? my tongue down your throat didn’t confirm that for you?”
“no baby,” he laughs. “i just...got a vibe from hongjoong earlier. a few times tonight, actually. he doesn’t like this.”
“no, he’s never been this..protective before,” you start, and san cuts you off.
“he’s not being protective, he’s jealous y/n,” san says. “has he told you he likes you yet?”
“no?” you scoff. “he doesn’t like me. what makes you say that? no, no. he’s not into me like that.”
“but you like him,” san says as more of a statement than a question, and you just nod. 
“i love him, actually.”
“wow,” he whistles. “i’m honored to have been in the running then.”
“you weren’t a bad distraction,” you say, and san smiles, his resolve almost breaking. but he’s nothing if not nosy. and now he needs every little detail. 
“so tell me. how long have you been into hongjoong?”
“about since the day i met him.”
“wow,” he whistles again, and you whine. 
“it’s pathetic, isn’t it?” you ask, and san shuts you up quickly.
“no! no,” he says, “it’s sweet. it’s frustrating though, because, as a completely unbiased third party, i’d say hongjoong has had a thing for you about as long.”
“he has not-”
“no, hear me out,” san says. “you probably never heard this, but anytime he met someone new he would always make a comment about how something they did or said or wore reminded him of you. he’d stop seeing people because they weren’t “more like y/n” and when he wasn’t talking about clothes or stupid guy stuff, he was talking about you. the man is obsessed with you my dear. i just think he’s oblivious. and a little dumb, for spending so much time with you without making a move, but that’s just me.”
“i don’t know,” you mumble, playing with the hem of your shirt. “i know him better than anyone else. i would’ve known.”
“ok, lemme ask a question,” san tries a new approach. “have you ever told him you liked him?” you shake your head no. “have you ever done anything to explicitly show him that you were into him as more than a friend?” again, no. “and why is that?”
“i know he doesn’t feel the same,” you say simply.
“ok, and? what if he feels the exact same way? what if he’s so sure you couldn’t like him back, and that’s why he hasn’t shown any of his true feelings?”
“that could be possible,” you nod, and san nods in agreement. 
“so,” he nudges you. “what now?”
“i don’t know,” you whine. “i’m nervous. and joong is in a mood. i think we really pissed him off.”
“yeah we did,” san smiles proudly. “so you have two options, methinks.”
“methinks?”
“focus.”
“sorry.”
“you can either go find him and tell him how you really feel and make sweet sweet love-”
“don’t say it like that-”
“or you could stay here, and we could make him a little more jealous? maybe make him confess first?”
“...i’m listening.”
-
while you and san had a come to jesus downstairs, hongjoong had stumbled back to the steps in front of his room, dissatisfied with the party downstairs and how everyone there wasn’t you. all he wanted to do was lay down and go to sleep, but just because he was having a crappy night doesn’t mean he should bring seonghwa down with him. he’s trying to wait it out and give them a respectable amount of time to...finish up, and then he’ll politely knock and put some headphones in and blare music until the shots he did with some strangers knock him out for a few hours. he’s planning this in his head when someone sits down next to him, and he’s surprised to see seonghwa.
“hey,” he says casually.
“hey?” hongjoong replies, confused. “you um, you all done in there?”
“gross,” seonghwa groans. “but yes, thank you very much. she’s asleep, so don’t be a dick if you’re going back in there. i wanted to come check on you.”
“i don’t need to be checked on,” hongjoong grumbles, nursing the beer he brought with him to pass the time. “i’m just tired, ready for this to be over.”
“y/n got with san, i assume?” seonghwa asks, and hongjoong can’t even be surprised that he knew. san had been plotting this for a while, it was a long time coming. even more reason for joong to be mad at himself, he could’ve stopped this weeks ago. instead here he is, drunk and hurt and a little angry. 
“yep.”
“and you’re mad about it?”
“yeah, hwa i am.”
“and why is that?”
“what is this, a therapy session?” hongjoong scoffs. “i’m fine dude, go back to your girlfriend. i’ll go to sleep in a second.”
“fine, if you won’t admit you like y/n and you were jealous of san tonight, maybe we can do this tomorrow then,” seonghwa says as he stands. hongjoong looks up in shock, and seonghwa nods. “yeah man, you weren’t subtle about it.”
“i fucked up man,” he says and seonghwa sits back down, nodding. “i shouldn’t have talked about setting her up so much, i feel like this is all my fault.”
“it is,” hwa agrees, and hongjoong pushes him slightly. “don’t get mad at me for pointing out what you know is true. you’re in this position because it took you too long to realize your own feelings, and that kept you from noticing how madly in love y/n is with you.”
“she is not-”
“is too!” seonghwa insists. “she told me! and i have eyes, it’s not hard to see. except if you’re you, i guess.”
“so what do i do now?”
“well, you could go talk to her.”
“i’ve already walked in on one couple having sex tonight, i’m good thanks.”
“sorry about that,” seonghwa says sheepishly. “but you don’t know that they’re fucking-”
“i watched her follow him into his room,” hongjoong cuts him off, and seonghwa nods.
“i still say you should try to talk to her tonight,” seonghwa says, “even if it means...waiting.”
“i don’t think i want to tell y/n how i feel when i know san has just fucked her though,” hongjoong counters, and seonghwa just shrugs. 
“ok, then i’m back to what i said originally. go talk to her now. just don’t open your eyes immediately.” hongjoong sits for a moment, thinking it over, and then he crushes the rest of the beer in his hand before he stands. he doesn’t need to tell seonghwa where he’s going, he just watches on with veiled concern. hongjoong stomps downstairs, stopping in front of san’s door, and just as he raises his fist to bang on it and get you out of there, it swings open with another sight that makes his stomach drop.
you’re on your way out, which should be a good sign, except your hair is down (and a little messy, like someone’s hands were running through it) and you’re no longer wearing your costume. in fact, your costume is clutched in your hands, and you’re wearing what hongjoong can only assume is san’s hoodie and sweatpants. he’s too late, he thinks. he’s caught your walk of shame, leaving san’s room after...he stops himself. hongjoong takes in the sight before him, and he holds your confused gaze for a moment longer. then he turns, and he’s gone. 
-
after halloween, you don’t hear from hongjoong for days. 
no calls, no texts, and certainly no visiting the frat house to hang out. it was complete radio silence from him, but you weren’t making an effort either. you’re not sure how you feel about him currently, so the space might be good for the both of you.
while you’re upset, but mostly doing okay, hongjoong is a wreck. he didn’t get out of bed until seonghwa and yunho sat on the futon and kicked hongjoong’s bed from down below until he got annoyed enough to leave. then he only went to class because another guy in the frat, jongho, was in there with him and literally pulled him out of his room and towards campus. no one’s sure if he’s even eaten, but food disappears from the fridge every once in a while so he must be getting some nutrition. san has laid low too, not sure hongjoong knows the full story and worried there would be hell to pay if hongjoong got within swinging distance. 
you’re walking home from class one day, contemplating a coffee break, when you almost physically run into seonghwa. you start to mumble an apology and a “see you later” but suddenly he’s grabbing your arm and pulling you down a hallway. 
“well hello to you too seonghwa, how are you? i’m doing fine thanks for asking,” you huff, resetting yourself once he’s done manhandling you.
“what happened between you and san?” he asks bluntly. 
“why do you care?”
“you know why,” he says, and you roll your eyes. “you know he saw you go into san’s room.”
“yeah, i saw him too, sitting on the stairs not doing anything,” you counter, and now seonghwa rolls his eyes.
“i’m tired of the two of you complaining about no one doing anything. you need to do something!”
“i did! i made out with san!”
“made out with him?” he asks. “is that all?”
“yes,” you answer quietly. “i...i couldn’t do it. and for what it’s worth, san apparently clocked that me and hongjoong had something going on so he wouldn’t have let me try anything anyway.”
“but hongjoong said you left in his clothes,” seonghwa says, confused.
“yeah, because i wasn’t gonna stay there and i needed something warm to walk home in,” you explain. “hongjoong didn’t plan for weather when he bought my costume. san was just trying to help.”
“well he helped a lot,” seonghwa says. “hongjoong thinks you two slept together and now he’s moping around like his life is over. you need to talk to him. tell him what really happened.”
“he’s not talking to me.”
“gee, i wonder why!”
“fine,” you sigh, giving seonghwa the side eye. he can be a little bitchy when he’s in problem solver mode. “i’ll call him when i get home.”
“good. i’ll know if you don’t,” he warns you, and you nod. 
“we’ll talk, i promise,” you assure him, and he pretends to believe you as he says goodbye. he starts to walk away and you stop him, calling out, “is he home right now?”
“yep,” seonghwa shouts from further down the hall. “better go now, before any of the guys come back from class. i’ll spend the night somewhere else.”
“thank you,” you say with a meek smile, and seonghwa gives you one back. he keeps walking, and you take a deep breath before making your way to hongjoong.
-
seonghwa said none of the boys would be home, so you spend some time on the front porch psyching yourself up to see hongjoong. you practice what you’re going to say, and after a few minutes of weirding out the neighbors, you finally knock. it takes a second for the door to open, and you’re expecting hongjoong but instead you see san. he gives you a small smile, a questioning look in his eyes. you open your mouth to speak, hongjoong’s name on the tip of your tongue, when you see him heading downstairs over san’s shoulder. he catches your eye, and your heart stops. he looks awful, like he’s been sick. is he really like this because of you? hongjoong looks at you, and then who he assumes you’re here to see, and anger flashes over his features. he gives you one hard stare before he’s stomping back up to his room, leaving you still sputtering at the front door. san watches on, a little worried, and when you look up at him he asks if you still want to come in. you shake your head no, waving goodbye as you turn and walk back home. 
-
unfortunately for you, it’s hongjoong’s birthday. it’s unfortunate because he’s still not talking to you, but he’s your best friend, so it would look really weird if you weren’t at his birthday party. you don’t want to go because it’ll be awkward, and you don’t wanna burden his special day with that. he’s decided he wants to go to the fall festival just outside the city, opting for a walk through an apple orchard and then a pumpkin patch so the boys can gather the discounted gourds for some weird prank they’re trying to pull on a neighboring frat. it sounds like a fun day, and you only know about it because you were added to the group text, which stings a little. usually you’d help hongjoong plan, or you’d be organizing some sort of special surprise for him. none of that this year. 
you agree to ride with seonghwa and his girlfriend, who seems really sweet. you’re excited to get to know her on the short ride over, and it starts off as a pleasant day. hongjoong is nice to you when he gets out of the car with his brother and some of his friends from home, introducing you to the ones you don’t know and still giving you a tight hug when you hand over your poorly wrapped present for him. you all putter around as you wait for some of the other boys to show up, and hongjoong makes a subtle effort to keep at least two people between you at all times. bless seonghwa’s girlfriend though, maybe she knows what’s going on between you two, because she keeps talking to you and you like her more and more. 
once everyone has arrived, hongjoong explains that you can all pick apples in the orchard and then take them back to the cidery where they’ll press what you picked into your own cider to take home, and while you wait there’s drinks you can sample. there’s also a wildflower field to take pictures in, which seems very on brand for hongjoong (he’s got a new camera strapped around his neck, must have been a present) and once he’s done talking you all mingle for a moment before going off in twos or threes to the orchard. seonghwa swoops his girlfriend away first so they can go be cute together, and you would go join hongjoong’s brother to catch up with him but he’s nowhere to be seen, so you consider just heading straight to the cidery to drown your sorrows. you turn in that direction and see hongjoong waiting for you, awkwardly clutching your present in his hands. 
“i uh, i didn’t want to carry this through the orchard,” he starts, “don’t want it to get lost. so uh, i was gonna open it before i left, is that ok?”
“yeah,” you nod. “go ahead. i hope you like it.”
“i’m sure i will,” he says as he tears into the old newspaper you used as wrapping paper. he sees the corner of what’s inside, and recognition instantly lights up his face. “y/n you didn’t.”
“didn’t what?” you ask, trying to fight a smile. 
“you bought me the beat pad i wanted,” he says in disbelief. “it’s the special edition one and everything. how did you know?”
“gee, it’s not like you didn’t talk about it for weeks before and after it dropped,” you tease. “i got one of the first releases.”
“there’s no way,” he says, shaking his head as he unboxes it further. “it’s beautiful. thank you.”
“you’re welcome,” you say with a genuine smile. “just remember me when you’re a big famous producer. or when you start your own fashion line, whatever.”
“you’re not gonna be by my side when it happens?” he pouts, and it almost tears your heart in two.
“i don’t know,” you say. “i’m not entirely sure where we stand right now.”
“that’s my fault,” he sighs. “i’m really sorry. i hope you can forgive me for being a dick, but i understand if it’ll take some time.”
“you never let me explain what actually happened,” you say, and he nods, telling you that seonghwa filled him in. “so i guess you know.”
“about you and san? yeah, like i said, hwa told me-”
“no, i mean,” you start, and you stop to take a breath before you continue. “so you know that i like you. that i’ve liked you for a while. years, actually. i hope that’s not weird.” 
“it’s not weird,” he says sweetly. “i’ve liked you about as long, so. there’s that.”
“cool, so everyone’s caught up,” you nod. “coolcoolcool.”
“yep.”
there’s an awkward moment as you stand there and hongjoong plays around with his gift a little more, but he gets distracted by the camera around his neck and thankfully interrupts this terrible silence.
“oh! let me get a picture of you,” he says. “i want photos of everyone who came today. go stand over there.” you follow his orders and pose simply as he snaps the photo, looking on proudly at the result. “cute. cmon, let’s go get some more further into the orchard.”
“yeah, you’re missing out on your party, birthday boy,” you say while he carefully puts your gift back in his car. when he rejoins you, you offer your hand, and he smiles brightly as he grabs it and gives it a squeeze. “ready?”
“just a second,” he says, tongue poking out between his lips as he tries to take a photo of your intertwined fingers, and you laugh. 
“cmon, stop being a simp and let’s go,” you give his arm a tug and he shrieks over you messing up the picture, and how he only has so much film and you just ruined a perfectly good moment, but you shoot him a silent glare and he smiles a dopey smile and shuts up. you start walking and you think fast, grabbing a basket for any apples you may grab on your walk. hongjoong explains how the website said there were different types of apples in certain areas, and you listen on in fascination as you watch him talk. you’re admiring how cute he looks with his bangs peeking past his beanie, and you stop him abruptly. “hand me the camera.”
“why?” he asks defensively, yanking it away like a child.
“joong, let me get a picture of you,” you beg. “you look handsome, and we need a picture of you too.”
he grumbles over being careful with his baby, and he quickly shows you how to use it. he waits for a moment, assuming you’ll take the picture then and there, but you eventually tell him that it needs to be candid, like when the inspiration struck you. he whines and you distract him by asking what kind of apples are in the tree behind him, and he says they might be honeycrisp so this would be a good spot to pick from. you hand him the basket and let him reach for the best lookers, and you let him get focused before you call out for him.
“hey baby?” you try out, and hongjoong turns, apple in hand and a shy smile on his face. 
“baby?” he asks, not sure he heard you right but hoping he did. that’s when you snap the photo, cheering about how perfect that picture is gonna be. 
“ok, you can have this back now,” you say happily, returning his “baby” back to him. he gives you a sweet smile and grabs your hand before you continue on. you stop shortly after to grab some golden apples, and at the next cluster of trees you finally catch up with the group. they’ve found the wildflowers, and everyone is stopping to take pictures, which hongjoong quickly barges in on. as soon as he leaves your side, seonghwa appears, giving you a look that says he wants to know what took you so long.
“we made up,” you tell him, and he let’s out a sigh of relief.
“thank god.”
“don’t be a dick.”
“well! it took you long enough!”
“i know that,” you hiss, smiling at hongjoong posing for a picture with his brother. 
“he looks happy,” seonghwa points out and you agree. “you made him like that, with your womanly wiles and whatnot.”
“hey, speaking of womanly wiles,” you begin, “your girlfriend is really nice.”
“i concur.”
“maybe we could-”
“y/n!” hongjoong shouts, waving you over. “cmere!”
“your boyfriend wants you,” seonghwa says with a smirk, and you push him a little. 
“he’s not my boyfriend yet.”
“beg to differ, but ok!”
“what’s up?” you ask as you approach. “i thought you already got a picture of me?”
“yeah, but i want a picture in front of the marigolds,” he says like it’s obvious. 
“there’s marigolds?!” you ask, looking at the colors behind you and smiling when you spot the buds you love so much. you turn back to hongjoong and say, “you know those are my fav-”
“your favorite flower, right,” he says, pulling you into his side. “come closer, act like you like me.”
“actually, they’re not flowers,” you tell him, “they’re weeds. you’re supposed to pick them or else they’ll take over.”
“smile,” he says, and yunho snaps the picture for you. hongjoong bends down, pulling up a bundle of marigolds before handing them to you. “thanks for picking me.”
“oh that was so corny,” you groan, a smile threatening to split your face in half. “what happened to the suave frat boy? who brought their dad here?”
“watch it or i’ll take them back-” he starts, but he stops when you place your hand under his chin and pull him closer. 
“no, i love it. i love them,” you assure him, centimeters away from his lips.
“i love you,” he whispers, and you lean in to finally, finally, kiss him. and suddenly it feels like everything is right with the world.
while you’re distracted by hongjoong’s lips, the hoots and hollers of your friends drown out the sound of another camera shutter, and yunho boasting about his perfect shot pulls you back to reality. you try to ignore the smug looks of your friends but apparently everyone knew about your crush aside from you, so this positive shift is shared throughout the group pretty quickly. no one dares break the two of you up, and that’s how you end up riding home with hongjoong at the end of the day. 
while there was the most beautiful weather during your time at the orchard, the ride home is trying to completely ruin your day. it gets so bad once you and hongjoong are driving back to the city that you insist on pulling off for a while to let the storm pass, but hongjoong insists on driving farther.
“we’re almost at our exit,” he says. “so if i can just get to your house then we can go up to your room,” he continues, wiggling his eyebrows at his last comment. 
“sure, but i don’t think this storm is gonna let us do that,” you tell him. “slow down a little so i can see this exit sign.” hongjoong doesn’t let up on the gas, so you don’t quite catch the sign passing by next to you. “okay genius, my spidey senses aren’t working, maybe we should just pull off here.”
“are you sure?” hongjoong asks. “we’re in the middle of nowhere.”
“i’d rather be in the middle of nowhere than stuck on the highway waiting for a tow truck with a bunch of other people who can’t see through the rain driving by super fast,” you oppose, and hongjoong quickly agrees. he waits until there’s a track of highway well lit by streetlights, and he pulls off under a tree in full view of the exit. just in case you get snatched he wants there to be witnesses. 
“do you wanna play i spy?” he offers, and you just laugh. 
“are we five?”
“i spy something pretty.”
“that’s not how it works.” 
“well too bad,” hongjoong insists. “i spy something pretty.”
“your eyes,” you guess, and he shakes his head. “your smile.”
“how conceited would i be if i made you guess something about myself?” he asks. “keep trying. don’t focus on me though.”
“is it something nearby?” you ask, and hongjoong shrugs. “is it in the car?” he nods furiously. “and it’s not you? you’re very pretty.”
“no,” he insists, “keep guessing.”
“if you’re trying to make me guess myself it’s not going to work,” you warn him. “i’m not falling for your tricks.”
“darn,” he sighs. “you ruined my whole move.”
“that couldn’t have been your whole move,” you say unsure. “what’s your go to?”
“well,” hongjoong begins. “i don’t do this often, if that’s what you’re wondering. i usually start off with a comment about the place, so i say whatever we’re doing is really cool or the paintings are beautiful, whatever. and whatever the compliment is, i work it back to my date. everyone always eats that up.”
“i’m glad i’m here to keep you on your toes,” you tease. 
“yeah, whatever,” hongjoong rolls his eyes. “what’s your move then?”
“it’s simple, really,” you assure him, turning to look directly in his eyes. “i just make sure to really look at whoever i’m talking to, really listen to what you’re saying, y’know? then i pull them in,” you say, grabbing hongjoong delicately by the chin and bringing his lips closer to yours. “and then i usually tell him something important, our lips barely touching. and then, if i’m feeling it and he hasn’t moved away, we kiss.”
“i’m not moving,” hongjoong says confidently, and you smile.
“i see that.”
“and we’re gonna be here for a while...”
“mhm.”
“so i think we should do something fun,” he says, pecking your lips quickly. he notes how you chase his lips as he pulls away, and he makes a proposition. “we could go into the backseat...”
“should we really have sex on the side of the road?”
“well what do you want me to suggest!” hongjoong whines. “we have nothing better to do, might as well try it out now!”
“wow, how romantic this man of mine is,” you joke, and hongjoong laughs. he’s still staring at you though, waiting for a response. “you really want to?”
“what did you think we would do when we got home?” he asks shyly. “i’m just trying to use our time wisely.”
“wow, really, if you’re trying to get me hot with all this talk-”
“baby,” he whines, kissing you once so quick you barely notice. “please. let’s at least go make out or something. it’s my birthday after all.”
“oh not fair,” you whine back. “you can’t pull the birthday card on me!”
“cmon baby, for my birthday?” he pouts again, finally getting you to crack.
“okay, but don’t look while i climb into the backseat, it’s gonna be awkward.”
“i’ll look as much as i want, it’s my birthday,” he says as you pull your way over the console. while you’re brushing aside his jacket from earlier, he takes this opportunity to caress and smack your ass, and you laugh a little at the sound of glee he makes in response. 
“you are such a guy.”
“i’m your guy,” he says with a wink as you plop down in the backseat and reach for him quickly. 
“move with a purpose please,” you urge, and he moves to join you as fast as he can. once he’s seated as close to you as he possibly can be, he pretends to yawn and puts his arm around your shoulder. you watch in fake disgust at the old school move but lay your head on his shoulder anyway. “hey.”
“hey.”
“so now what?” you ask, not moving from this very comfortable position. hongjoong hums in response, and you turn to place your chin on his shoulder and watch him as he thinks. he catches you off guard, kissing you before you even know it’s coming, and the sound of surprise has him letting out a laugh from deep within his chest. 
“do you know how cute you are?” he asks. 
“no, tell me.”
“i’ve always wanted to just wax poetic about about how everything you do drives me insane,” he starts, “and now i can. hope you’re ready for it love.” 
now it’s your turn to steal a kiss, your heart swelling at hongjoong’s words. only this time neither of you pulls back, and what started off as innocent is quickly turning pg13. it registers in your mind for a moment that, wow, you’re in hongjoong’s car making out with your best friend, but that only makes your heart warm even more. you’ve wanted this moment for so long, you’ve wanted him for so long, and he’s finally here. he’s finally yours.
you’re pulled from your thoughts by hongjoong mumbling into your mouth that he wants you in his lap so you maneuver yourself to straddle his legs. before you settle back down he shakes his head, breaking from the kiss.
“no, not like that,” he tells you, lifting you up by the hips and placing you back down so you’re just straddling one leg. you don’t think anything of it at first, and you go back to kissing joong’s swollen lips. his hands stay on your hips, gripping tighter and tighter until you feel a change in pressure and you realize he’s guiding you to grind along his thigh. you take the hint and brace yourself on his shoulders, gasping as he bounces his leg under you. 
“what’s wrong baby?” he asks in mock innocence. “don’t like it?” you just whine and shake your head, grinding down harder as hongjoong lets you set the pace. the layers of clothes between you are making this infinitely more frustrating, but hongjoong has captured your lips again and doesn’t seem to be interested in removing anything yet. 
“joong,” you whisper between kisses. “need more.”
“what, can’t come like this?” he asks, and you shake your head. “too bad.”
he dives back into another kiss, his hands leaving your waist knowing that you’ll keep up the pace for him. instead he focuses on pulling your shirt up just enough to trace under your bra, and you moan into his mouth when he slides a finger under the fabric and just barely grazes your tit.
“you’re so sensitive,” he smiles. “i like that.”
“please baby, i need more,” you say again, and this time he gives in. 
“fine,” he sighs. “get undressed.”
“will you help me?”
“so needy,” he complains, but helps you anyway. as you pull your shirt off, he works on undoing your pants. he cups your head so you don’t hit it on the ceiling as you raise up to slip your pants off, but before you can get rid of your panties honjoong is pulling you back down to his thigh. “that’s enough for now,” he decides, fingers tracing along the outline of your bra before trailing down to your panties. his hand dips to your core, finding the wet spot on the fabric and grinning. “man, you are sensitive. all this and we’ve barely started, baby.” 
“are you gonna fuck me back here or do i have to keep getting off on your thigh?” you ask.
“hmm, you’ll come on my thigh and then we’ll see if you deserve to get fucked.”
“are you always this mean in bed?” you whine, and hongjoong chuckles in response. 
“are you always this difficult? i said get off on my thigh,” he demands, and you don’t know if it’s the temperature of the car or his words that sends a chill down your spine. you wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him once before you lock your hands and get back to work, grinding down on his tensed thigh. you’ve shifted slightly so now you can feel his boner nudging your leg with each roll of your hips, and you can tell hongjoong is holding back whimpers at the contact. he bounces his thigh again unexpectedly, giving you a jolt that sends your forehead crashing into his. you both start laughing, but even that slight movement has you shaking in his lap. you keep your forehead pressed to his as you move again, gasping at the feeling of his hand sliding from your waist down to ghost over your clothed clit. 
“touch me,” you beg, eyes pleading, and hongjoong can’t deny you what you want when you’re asking so sweetly. he holds eye contact with you as his hand dips into your panties, collecting some of your arousal before connecting with your clit. you keep dragging your hips, doing most of the work but hongjoong helps by rotating little circles on your bundle of nerves, sending you closer to your high with each touch. 
“that’s it baby, gonna come for me?” he asks and you can only nod. “need you to use your words.”
“yes baby, almost there,” you whine, hips moving faster to chase the feeling. hongjoong picks up speed rubbing into your clit, and his encouraging words help you come crashing down with a gasping breath. “need to do that again, need to make you feel good.”
“if you insist baby,” hongjoong says. “doing so good for me.”
“how do you want me?” you ask, lazily kissing his neck as you catch your breath. hongjoong squeezes your hips in response and helps you situate yourself so you’re sitting down next to him. 
“i want you several ways,” he says with lust in his eyes. “not sure how i wanna start.”
“ok, you think and i’m gonna take a minute,” you tell him as you close your eyes and try to regulate your heartbeat back to a normal pace. being with hongjoong has your senses heightened, so even though it was a little orgasm you feel like you just ran a marathon. while you’re trying to remember how to breathe normally, you feel hongjoong nudging at your legs so you let him move you where he wants. your eyes remain closed, until you feel hongjoong’s lips kissing over your soiled panties and you gasp, sitting up and instinctively pushing him back. “get outta there!”
“baby i don’t know how this is gonna work if you’re saying shit like that,” he laughs, looking up at you through hooded eyes as he rubs your thighs to calm you down. “what’s wrong? want me to stop?”
“no, no,” you assure him. “i just. it surprised me a little. i still can’t believe this is happening. doesn’t feel real.”
“it’s very real baby,” he says, pulling your underwear to the side to start stroking your entrance. “can i try again?” you simply nod, a whimper threatening to escape. hongjoong lets his finger gather some of your slick before he’s pulling your panties harder, exposing your clit to his hungry gaze. he gets to work rubbing soft circles on it while his lips kiss up and down your thighs, making you squirm. you want more, but this is almost too much for you, so you don’t want to ask just yet. you just let your head fall back on the seat and let out a shaky breath, but hongjoong doesn’t like that. he stops all movement and slaps your thigh, sharply pulling your attention back to him. “nope, eyes on me the whole time my love. need you watching every move i make or i stop moving.”
“ok,” you agree, eyes meeting his. he looks like he’s ready to devour you, and as you hold eye contact with him he starts to do just that, his tongue replacing his hand on your clit. he starts with kitten licks that have you whining for more, and when he thinks you’ve had enough he swipes his tongue all the way down to your core. 
“mmf, you’re the sweetest birthday cake i’ve ever had,” he mumbles into your pussy.
“ew hongjoong,” you laugh, and he literally growls into your core. 
“it’s true,” he says, eyes meeting yours again. “i could eat you out every day for the rest of my life and it still wouldn’t be enough.”
“promise?” you ask, getting cocky too soon because he moves back up to suck your clit and brings a finger back to your core, slipping it in quickly. he only pumps once or twice before he inserts another, curling them both to find your g spot. he’s frantic but in a practiced way, like he definitely knows what he’s doing but he can’t wait to feel every part of you, taste every part of you. he keeps making out with your clit and starts scissoring his fingers to open you up, and you let out a shriek at the new sensation. 
“more of that baby,” he says, “let me hear you. there’s no one around to stay quiet for, let me know how good you feel.”
“it’s good hongjoong,” you tell him, hips bucking to meet the stroke of his hand. you’re stuffed with his fingers, his tongue on your clit, and it’s still not enough. “i want more. need more of you. need it all, baby.” 
“no i wanna eat you out-”
“hongjoong!” you whine.
“y/n!” he whines back, but one look at you tells him he’s lost this fight. he licks from your core up to your clit one last time, swirling the nub for good measure and making you jolt. he sits up from his cramped position and huffs. “i don’t know how to get you where i want you for this.”
“fucking in the car was your idea,” you point out, and he groans, head falling against your thigh.
“just gimme a second,” he says and you groan. “patience baby.”
“let me at least see some of you,” you beg, grabbing for his pants and trying to undo the button. he lets you work him out of his pants as he thinks, and when you start cupping his bulge through his boxers his hand covers yours on instinct and guides you to touch him the way he likes, squeezing your hand over his balls and his hips buck in response. 
“fuck,” he whispers, pulling you up as much as he can. “ok, you lay like this,” and he moves you to lean against the door with your hips up, and he pushes your legs to your chest. “hold these. now let me get my pants off.”
he finishes undressing rather awkwardly, and you have to laugh. a blush creeps up his neck as you giggle and pull him in for a kiss, mumbling about how cute he is. his demeanor breaks for a moment and he giggles back, sending you straight to the moon. hongjoong is yours. he feels the same way you do, and he’s about to show you how much you mean to him. he rolls a condom on quickly and climbs over you, pushing your legs further into your chest. he lines up with your entrance, eyes flicking up to yours to check that this is okay. you nod and blow him a kiss, and he’s smiling as he finally fills you up. his first full thrust leaves you with your mouth open in a silent moan but the next few thrusts pull the most pathetic whines from deep within your chest and hongjoong is eating it up. 
“does it feel good baby?” and you can only nod, not sure words will come to you as he’s hitting your g spot and filling you so perfectly. he was made for you, and you know that now in this moment. he reaches up and plays with your tits, cupping them and flicking your nipples to earn himself extra moans from you in your fucked out state. all you can think of is hongjoong, all your senses filled with him and the way he’s making you feel. you come unexpectedly, moaning out his name so beautifully he almost comes with you. he slows down as you clench around him, trying to last longer to fully enjoy this moment. he leans down to kiss your chest, and you whisper his name to get his attention. he looks up at you delicately, and you smile in return.
“i love you,” you say so quiet you don’t know if he heard you. a smile spreads across his features as he kisses his way up your chest to your lips, kissing you sweetly.
“i love you too,” he says into your lips, brushing over them as he speaks. “you’re perfect, and i love you.”
“show me,” you encourage him, and he takes it as a challenge. his speed picks up out of nowhere, and you moan into his mouth as he captures your lips in another kiss. he helps you hold your legs in place, your arms falling to his waist as you try to pull him in closer. he’s fucking you so fast your head starts bumping against the door, but he quickly pulls you closer so you’re laying down completely and he’s hovering over you. the angle has him hitting you perfectly, and you reach down to rub your clit to come with him. you can tell he’s close, but he smacks your hand away, replacing it with his own. you wrap your free leg around his waist, keeping him close as he picks up speed on your clit.
“i’m gonna come baby, want you to come with me,” he says breathlessly. 
“i don’t know if i can yet,” you whine, and he shakes his head.
“you can and you will. my baby can do anything,” he says, and you clench at his words. “see? you’re almost there baby, you can do it. count to three for me.”
“one,” you start off, and he slows his thrusts but keeps his pace on your clit. the change up has you seeing stars, and you almost forget you’re meant to be counting. “two.”
“good girl, come on, come with me-”
“three!” you shriek, a surprise burst of euphoria hitting you as you come. hongjoong came with you, groaning into your neck and sucking a hickey into what you assume will be a very visible spot tomorrow. he chuckles as he pulls back, appreciating the mess between your legs.
“when i said you could do anything i didn’t think it would make you squirt,” he says with a devilish grin. “made you feel that good, huh?”
“don’t be cocky,” you say, smacking his chest but shying away from his eyes nonetheless. “it was nice.”
“nice? baby i need us to do that every day. like a lot,”
“hongjoong!”
“y/n!”
“how am i supposed to clean this up,” you groan, changing the subject from hongjoong’s insatiable appetite. 
“don’t, i like what you’ve done to the place.”
“you’re disgusting.”
“kidding,” he laughs, pecking the top of your head. “i’ve got a gym towel in the back, i hope that’s enough.”
“i hope it’s clean!” 
“no promises!”
-
hongjoong cleans you (and the backseat) up to the best of his ability, and you spent some time pillow talking, laying on his chest with the sound of the rain in the background. eventually it dies down enough, and you’re able to convince hongjoong that no, you can’t just lie naked in his backseat for the rest of the night. so you’re finally on the way home, hongjoong driving extra careful but refusing to let go of your hand in his lap. 
he took you back the long way so you could spend more time together, forgetting the turn to your house and instead taking the main road back to the frat. he starts to turn around, but you tell him it’s fine.
“i can just sleep there,” you tell him. “but this time you’re not taking the futon.”
“but won’t the bed shake too much if we fuck again?” he asks with a pout. 
“you never quit do you,” you laugh, and he just shrugs.
“don’t hate the player hate the game.”
“i can hate both.”
“don’t,” he pouts, making the turn onto frat row. you both laugh at the first house, the obvious remnants of a party lingering in the yard. the rain destroyed whatever fun they were having, and now there’s just one sad dude passed out in the grass who’s definitely waking up with a cold and a hangover. hongjoong parks in his usual spot in front of his frat, and he rushes out of the car to open your door for you. you start to remind him of his presents in the trunk when he kisses you, halting your train of thought. his lips distract you so much you almost forget it’s actively raining on you right now, and you squeal into his mouth to get him to stop. 
“baby we’re getting soaked,” you cry and he just locks you in tighter, kissing you again. “mmf, joong, we’ll get sick,” you try again, and he doesn’t listen. at this point your clothes are drenched, so is it worth still fighting? but you take your final shot, promising him no more sex until his next birthday. you watch him move with a quickness you’ve never seen before, grabbing his gifts from the back and covering them with a jacket before he starts running toward the house, leaving you behind. you laugh as you run to catch up to him, watching as he hops from foot to foot trying to unlock the door with his gifts still in his arms. you gently take the keys and unlock the door for him, earning a quick “thanks babe!” and then he ducks inside. you follow him into the living room and who do you see but seonghwa and san sitting on the couch watching a movie. seonghwa watches in disgust as you both track wet footprints on his clean floor, and san smirks as he notices the dopey look on both of your faces.
“had a nice brithday bro?” san asks, and hongjoong nods.
“took you a long time to get home,” seonghwa points out and you clear your throat.
“we, uh, well, i got scared actually, and made him pull over,” you try to explain, but your cheeks heating up give you away.
“likely story,” seonghwa sighs. “go take a shower before you both get sick, i’m not taking care of two cry babies.”
“yeah don’t come upstairs for a while man,” hongjoong says as he starts pulling you toward the stairs. 
“dude, gross!” seonghwa shouts. “i’m moving out.”
“but then you’ll miss us too much,” you tease, shooting him a wink as hongjoong pulls you away. you both giggle as seonghwa grumbles about never sleeping here again, and hongjoong stops you at the top of the steps to kiss you for the millionth time today.
“i can’t get enough of that,” he says with a smile. “of you. can’t believe it took us this long.”
“me neither.” 
“you’re never getting rid of me now, you know that right?” 
“ditto.”
1K notes · View notes
hee0soo · 3 months
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There for you!
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Pairing — KimHongjoong x gn!Reader
Summary — After a bad day all you need is your boyfriend. To bad that he's working...
Warnings — none
Genre — IdolAU
Wordcount — 0.8k
Disclaimer: this fic is written and copyrighted by ©hee0soo on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other plattforms without my permission.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!
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When Hongjoong opened the door to your shared apartment, it was already late. Very late to be exact! He was tired and his aching body was screaming for some kind of relief in form of hot shower and some much needed sleep!
He felt bad for having stayed in the studio so long, effectively leaving you alone, but he had finally managed to break through his creative block and he just had to use that momentum to get some work done. The text you had sent him shortly after you had gotten home from your workplace had gone unanswered.
Only when Hongjoong finally felt like he could breath again, his frustration almost stifling him, did he dare look at his phone again. Between the messages from the group Chat he shared with the members and Maddox sending him a new file he wanted Hongjoong’s opinion on, there had been yours... It had already hours later when he had seen it.
Please come home? Received 5:37 pm
A very simple text come to think of it. So simple that it had him worrying!
You knew that once Hongjoong locked himself inside his studio, you sometimes wouldn't get an answer until days later and it was fine. You knew what relationship with him entailed after all! It was why you didn't text him often. If there was something you needed, you would call or send Seonghwa to relay your message. A direct text from you? Unusual!
Now, 6 hours later, he finally punched in the code to open your apartment.
It was completely silent, not even the TV was running and only the source of light was coming from the streetlights shining through the window.
"Jagiya? Are you home?" Hongjoong called into the dark hallway.
Nothing. He switched on the light to see something and shrug his own shoes of his feet.
Your shoes were thrown haphazardly to the side so he was sure that you were home.
The living room was empty and so were kitchen and bathroom, which only left the bedroom. The rapper carefully stuck his head through the small gap the door stood open. There you were. Bundled up in your blanket, hugging that ugly orange bunny plushy that Wooyoung had gifted you for your birthday he hated so much to your chest!
What could he say? He's a jealous man!
Hongjoong slipped inside and crawled up behind you to wrap his arms around you. He pressed a  feather light kiss to your temple. You hid your face further in the orange fur of the bunny at the prospect of being woken up. Hongjoong brought his hand up to gently trail his fingers over the side of your face.
A soft smile grazed his lips at the scrunch of your nose.
"Hey baby..." he whispered just loud enough for you to hear. Something inside of the rapper churned, tugging at his heartstrings when you stirred and turned around in his arms to face him, tiredly fluttering your eyes open. Dried tear tracks stained your face and Hongjoong moved his hand to cup your face, thumb tenderly stroking your cheek.
"Hi..." you croaked out only to press your face into the crook of his neck. A muffled sob escaping your lips. He tightened his hold on you.
"Hey, no what's wrong? Why are you crying?" he murmured into your ear, trailing his free hand lightly down your back.
You didn't answer, only held onto him tighter, one hand clinging to the bunny and the other to his shirt while sob after sob shook your body.
For a while he just let you cry, giving you the time you needed to calm down.
With shaky breaths you pulled back, only enough to be able to look at your boyfriend.
"Wanna tell me what's wrong?"
"I- It's just a really bad day and I- I- " you sniffled, remembering the awful day you had and whiping at your nose with your sleeve.
Between Waking up to late, being severely understaffed and your boss screaming at you for things HE did wrong, you hadn't even had time for breakfast or lunch! The whole day just sucked and for once you needed your boyfriend. You needed Hongjoong!
"It's okay baby, I’m here now! I'm sorry I wasn't home earlier..."
"You're here now.”
"But I should have been here earlier!  I'm sorry I didn't see your texts..." The rapper apologized honestly. It wasn't his intention to leave you alone, especially when you needed him! He hated how sad you sounded and made a mental note to himself to cancel his early studio session with Eden the next day to make you breakfast! Was he a genius in the kitchen? By far not but at least he wasn't as bad as Yeosang and his 3 hour egg fry!
And after all, he would always be there for you!
177 notes · View notes
hwanchaesong · 11 months
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Still Into You
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Kim Hongjoong X Reader
genre & warnings: fluff, smut (sorry, this was supposed to be suggestive but i got carried away 😩), hongjoong and reader is married here, cunnilingus, fingering, implied breeding kink ig since hj is a dom here, unprotected sex, mdni
word count: 1.4k
a/n: thank you for requesting again~ i hope you'll like it 💚
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The sound of jingling keys made you stand up from the sofa, hurriedly walking to the door to greet your husband.
When he entered your home, you immediately threw yourself at him which he gladly reciprocated.
"Welcome back." you mumbled in his chest, feeling giddy when you felt him kiss the crown of your head.
"I'm home." he replied, pulling away from you to hang his coat and put his bag away. "I smell something delicious."
You giggled and held his hand, dragging him to the kitchen, "Ta-da!" you held your head high, satisfied with the feast that you made.
"You really went all out, huh?"
"Of course, It's our first anniversary."
Kim Hongjoong. Friend since childhood, boyfriend since highschool, and now you can proudly call him your spouse.
"Let's eat then, I can't wait to taste everything that you made."
It was a fairly simple dinner, small conversations here and there but it mostly consisted of comforting silence as you both chewed your food.
When dinner was over, the two of you agreed to wash the dishes together. Putting bubbles on each other's noses, him giving you back hugs as he kissed your neck (he did that to tease you, knowing that you're ticklish), and giggling like children.
It was fun, more so when he called you to the bedroom after you took your shower.
"Turn around and close your eyes." he instructed, pushing you towards the mirror and shuffling around. Soon, you felt something cold around your neck and you gasped.
It couldn't be.
"You can open your eyes."
The moment you did, you almost bawled your eyes out.
He had gifted you a silver necklace with a diamond pendant. It was subtle, but you can see the engraved initials on the stone. A sign, a promise that he's yours and you're his.
"Hongjoong, this must be expensive I-"
He cuts you off with a kiss on the lips, cupping your face in his hands, "You deserve it. I want nothing but the prettiest gift for the most beautiful girl in the universe."
Your heart swells with adoration, and before you can think, you lean forward and connect your lips with him once more.
The kiss becomes more passionate every second as he swipes his tongue on your lips, asking for permission. You gladly open your mouth for him to explore, his wet muscle massaging yours before he sucked on it.
He disconnected from you for a moment for some oxygen, but he couldn't keep his hands to his self.
He removed his hands from your cheeks, sliding it to your waist as he gently guided you to your shared bed.
Soon, you found yourself lying down. His mouth latched on the sensitive part of your skin while his free hand groped your chest, his fingers twisting your nipple through your thin shirt.
A moan escapes from you and you feel yourself getting soaked down there, "H-Hongjoong."
He hummed against your skin, "What is it baby?"
"I-I want to suck you off." you admitted shyly, a blush covering your cheeks when you heard him chuckle.
He lifted his body and gazed at your hazy orbs, "No can do, princess."
"But-"
"No buts." he puts a finger on your lips to shut you up, his other free hand trailing down to your lower area, prying your legs open.
You shivered when you felt him remove your shorts along with your underwear, "You did so much for me tonight, let me return the favor."
You were so out of it that you weren't able to reply fast, his effect on you taking a toll on your body. What's more is that he moves fast. One moment he's on top of you and now he's in between your legs.
"Let me do the work, okay?" he smiles at you, making eye contact before his tongue darts out to lick a long stripe of your slick folds.
"Ah! H-hong-" you cried out, your hand shooting out to grip his hair, "Oh god!"
It has been a minute since he went down on you but you're already writhing underneath him.
He groaned against your core when his tongue went inside your heat, the vibration and his nose prodding at your clit adding to the pleasure.
You complained when he pulled away from you, making him laugh at your begging state, "Don't worry princess, I'm not done yet."
True to his words, his mouth went back to your wetness, this time aiming for your sensitive bundle of nerves. His tongue that was previously in your core is now replaced by his fingers.
He lapped up all of your juices while his fingers stimulated your insides, the scissoring motion stretches you so well.
You were close, so close, and Hongjoong felt that when you clenched around his fingers but like the devil he is, he decided to halt his ministrations and smirk down at you.
"Why'd you stop?" you whined, tears pricking in the corner of your eyes due to the high that was stolen from you.
"I'd rather have you cum around my cock, princess."
Well, that doesn't sound so bad but you were desperate for some release. "Then what are you waiting for?"
You heard him click his tongue before he took off his clothes. He went to remove your shirt as well but he sees that it's his.
He'd love to fuck you while you're wearing his shirt, just shows that you belong to him. So he opted to raise it just above your collarbones, showing your delectable chest in the process.
"What's up with your attitude today?" he lined himself up in your entrance, his left hand snaked around your neck, choking you a bit while the other harshly fondled your boobs. "And here I thought I'll make love to you tonight."
"Wha- Ah!" you let out a booming moan when he entered you in one swift motion. Your head is empty and is filled with nothing but the realization that he must have gone from being soft to fucking you silly.
Hongjoong didn't give you time to adjust, immediately setting a rigorous pace as he clutched your hips, effectively pinning you down on the mattress.
"S-slow down!" you cried out but it seems that your actions don't match your words, your body betraying you when your legs wrapped themselves around his waist, pulling him closer to you and allowing him to plunge deeper into you.
He paid no mind to you, too focused on making you both feel good. Besides, his ears could only hear your adorable moans and the dirty squelching sounds that you produce whenever he pounds into you roughly.
"Shit." he cursed, feeling your warm walls grip him tighter, you must be nearing your high and he's not doing so well either.
"Baby," he breathed out, leaning down to whisper in your ear, "don't you think it's time for us to have a child?"
Ah, so that is what he's implying.
You can't ever say no to him now, do you?
You did want to build a little family of yours, and you trust Hongjoong when it comes to that.
You laced your arms around his neck, pulling him closer and giving him a peck, "Yeah, it's time."
He softly smiled at you (a vast contrast to how he's rearranging your guts below), grabbing your hands and lacing his fingers with yours, "At the same time?"
You nodded and within a few more thrusts, you both came at the same time.
It took a few minutes for you to catch your breath while Hongjoong instantly got up, providing you the best aftercare.
"Are you okay?" he asked, putting an arm around you and you cuddled at his side.
"More than okay." you craned your neck to look at him, and you were suddenly filled with overwhelming emotions.
It made you question some things. How you're still in love with the same guy even after all those years. How he manages to make you blush like a teenager. How he makes you feel so loved and accepted.
"I love you, always and forever." he returned your stare and smiled at you fondly. Then there it is, you felt those butterflies again.
Maybe this is why you're still together despite all the challenges and problems you've encountered.
In a world that is full of bullshit and confusion, Kim Hongjoong makes sense. He's the only one where you could find happiness, peace, and warmth.
630 notes · View notes
hongjoongsart · 1 month
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Midnight | Kim Hongjoong
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🌙 IMPORTANT: Re-upload from my deleted account (hongjoongspoetry).
🌙 Summary: The lovely date with Hongjoong comes to an end.
🌙 Pairing(s): Hongjoong x f!reader
🌙 Genres/Tropes: fluff, slice of life
🌙 Warnings/Tags: No use of (Y/N)
🌙 Wordcount: 0.2K
🌙 Author's note: Here's a lil Hongjoong drabble while I work on my San soulmate oneshot! If everything goes as planned I'll have it posted sometime this week.
AO3 Click on me!
This is all fiction and not meant to represent Hongjoong in any way or form.
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The clock inched closer to midnight and it was time they headed home. Hongjoong refused to let her take the tram alone so they sat in the vacant bus, knees touching, and basked in each other’s presence. His black coat draped over her shoulders despite her protests of not being cold. The roses rested on her lap, some already opening to the world. Sleep hung on her eyelids and she was in a constant battle to keep them from closing, his warm coat that smelled so good didn’t help either. Any minute now and they’d stop by her neighborhood. 
“Thank you for tonight, Hongjoong. I had fun.”
“I’m happy we got do to this.” 
“Me too.”
They stopped before her entranceway, the bright light of the wall scone illuminated their figures. She moved to return his coat but was told not to.
“Keep it. You can bring it next time.”
“Next time?”
“Uh–” Hongjoong blushed, “I mean if you want to.”
She inched closer and felt the warmth radiating off his body. She rose on her tiptoes to better press her lips against his cheek, rewarding him with a soft peck. His cheeks flamed bright red and eyes bulged in shock.
“Get home safely,” she said and ran inside.
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© HONGJOONGSART 2023 - All rights reserved. Copying, editing, reposting or translating my work is not allowed.
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gummygowon · 1 year
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how ateez sleeps/wakes up next to you
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word count: 1.2k
genre: straight fluff, boyfriend!ateez x reader
warnings: none
author's note: this was purely self indulgent lmfao but anyways enjoy something fluffy during this kinktober
author's note (11/13): guys this is so embarrassing i have made a grave mistake on yunho's part BUT ITS FIXED IF YOU SAW WHAT I ORIGINALLY PUT NO YOU DIDN'T
park seonghwa
i can imagine him holding you so carefully while you guys slept
like he was afraid you were going to break in his arms
probably loves to smell your hair before sleeping (ik this sounds like so freaky but hear me out)
your shampoo brings him comfort, he associates it with home
now when it's the morning he is usually up an hour before you getting ready for the day and making breakfast for you
but on the days you're up before him, he is holding you close
you literally have to poke his cheek to get him awake but to no success, he just squeezes you tighter making it practically impossible
seonghwa then mumbles something about wanting five minutes more as he buries his face into your shoulder
and how can you say no to the park seonghwa?
kim hongjoong
ngl i feel like sleeping with hongjoong can be so mf chaotic
like he starts out cuddling you real close and cute
but then once he's asleep he is pushing you to the side because he is sleeping as if he is on the only one on the bed
i'm talking about spreading his legs and arms, maybe even sideways when he is asleep who knows
literally the opposite of seonghwa
since he is working half of the night, it means he is asleep for most of the morning/afternoon
trying to get him up before twelve in the afternoon after he was working was literally impossible
so whenever you woke up, hongjoong was still sleeping soundly with an arm thrown over you
too comfortable in his embrace, you close your eyes for a few more minutes and pull the covers closer to you
jeong yunho
I KNOW FOR A FACT YUNHO SLEEPS WITH HIS CHIN ON HIS LOVER'S HEAD
like you can't convince me that he does not
one of his hands would probably clutch the back of your head very loosely or be snaked around your back
it doesn't matter if you twist or turn in your sleep because you will end up with yunho's head on top of yours
probably clings onto you like your his teddy bear
i mean you are basically
sleeping with him is literally so peaceful and comforting omg
waking up next to him is on the very top of your favorite things to do with yunho
you just love waking up to his messy bed hair and his morning blush on his puffy cheeks
ugh kissing his cheeks until he wakes up lksjdfsdf
yun would also love burying his face into the crook of your neck whenever you wanna get out of bed
kang yeosang
i feel like yeosang isn't the biggest fan of physical touch but he always wants to let you know that he's there for you even while you're sleeping
so he comprises by draping your arm somewhere over your body
or maybe he likes to loosely hold your hand as he sleeps but when he turns over that's when he drapes your arm over him
i can also see you compromising by grabbing yeosang's arm like a teddy bear and using his shoulder as a place to rest your chin
probably the most comfortable spot for to sleep on ngl
i can perfectly imagine waking up next to yeosang with his hair scattered in different places as he groggily wakes up and you're just laughing at how cute he looks with his hair like that
yeo is all like why are you laughing at me >:( and you're just like you're just so cute :D
i would also like to add you guys take turns waking each other up by kissing each other's hands
choi san
we all know this man likes to cuddle with whoever he is sleeping with
i can picture him, grabbing you close and always double checking if you're comfortable and urging you to get comfy before you go to bed
sleeping with him is just so warm and loving, i don't know how to describe it
it feels like your worries slip out of your mind whenever you nap with him
waking up however is a different story
waking up your cuddly boy is literally so fucking difficult AND FOR NO REASON
whenever you attempt to wake up san or pull him out of bed, he just pulls you back into bed
literally bear hugs you so tight you can't even get out of bed yourself
mumbles something about five more minutes as your cheek is smashed against his chest
depending on what you were supposed to do that day, you just like san pull back to sleep and you do
you fall asleep on his chest after listening to the calming and steady beat of his breathing
whatever you had planned for the day was going to be pushed back at least two hours
song mingi
for mingi i feel like he loves to be little spoon more than big spoon
can perfectly imagine you cuddling from behind, your hands wrapped around his front with his back on your chest
the warmth you bring to him is something that can easily put him to sleep
which is why he prefers you to hold him especially when he was hard days
sleeping for the both you guys is something so peaceful and calming
naps >>>> going out on actual dates
however, mingi has a problem of spreading tf out when he sleeps sometimes so you can either end up on the very corner of the bed about to fall off
or he is probably cuddling you so tightly
your face pressed up against his chest as he snores softly on the top of your head
also probably would not wake tf no matter how hard you try
like san, he pulls you into bed and shushes you by smashing your face into his chest
jung wooyoung
i can assure you that sleeping with wooyoung can literally be war for you
mf PUSHES YOU OFF THE BED WITHOUT REALIZING SOMETIMES
fr sleeps like a starfish
also steals all of the blanket somehow if he isn't pushing you off the bed
however you manage to work around wooyoung's shitty sleeping habits and use his body for warmth instead of the blanket he somehow all took
maybe this is why he takes all the blanket, so he could get you to cuddle him without asking (sneaky bastard)
waking up next to him can be a little more peaceful
is always waking you up because he got a good nights rest while you were dreading waking up at that moment
likes to either tug at your warm to wake you up or start kissing your face like a manic
or if he's feeling a little too playful and start kissing anywhere
forcing you to wake up giggling
choi jongho
jongho is another secret little spoon
it just makes him feel so warm, loved, and comfortable
no matter where you were if you were holding him he would end up asleep
throwback to when he came back after kcon la and literally crashed in your arms as you guys were watching a movie at your apartment
the lack of sleep because of the time change and uncomfortable plane ride finally got to him
also very clingy in the mornings
you wake up to him hugging your arm, his face pressed against right below your shoulder
his cheeks have a tiny blush as his mouth slightly hanging open
attempting to wake him up is literally impossible
baby get his best sleep when he's with you so why would he ever wake up
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hwaslayer · 13 days
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home (khj) | one shot teaser.
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—summary: when your home no longer feels like home.
—pairing: kim hongjoong x f!reader
—genre: (18+ - minors dni) established relationship au | fluff, smut, heavy angst
—general warnings: *open-ended, sad ending* protected/unprotected sex, cussing/mature language, toxic relationship themes (gaslighting/manipulation, jealousy, anxiety, multiple heartbreaks, crying, yelling), marijuana use, alcohol consumption, intoxication, more detailed warnings will be listed on release.
—release: MARCH 30 - 7pm PT
—taglist: [open]
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—on rotation: change - arin ray & kehlani ・burn - usher ・snooze (acoustic vers) - sza & justin bieber ・ i wish i hated you - ariana grande
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—a/n: if you've been following me since nba jk & if only han, then you know what season it is 💔 aries szn is upon us aka heartbreak szn 💔 this one is gonna be a bit different though, maybe a bit more special, cause it's very, very personal to me!
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arafilez · 2 months
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☆ ⼂ LOVE, TAILORED ﹗three
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ꔫㅤㅤ ❜[ fashion designer khj x ceo fem!reader ] ㅤ⋆ ㅤfluff, crack, e2l 𓏧 for the company assets you have to work with solo designer kim hongjoong. even if it meant him annoying you at every step. ㅤ warnings flirting ㅤ﹢ㅤ3.4k wc ꔫㅤㅤ ❜part one . two . three ⁺
Suddenly you say, “Hey, can I ask you a question?”
“No, I hate mint chocolate,” he replies solemnly and then grins looking at your deadpan face.
“You are very annoying, you know that?” you grit your teeth and he laughs loudly at your sentence. His laughter had a giggling tone like a child’s and sounded so real, unlike the ones he usually gives in an interview. His smile is way too endearing and you find yourself laughing with him.
He steals a glance at your laughing face before blurting out, “You have a cute laugh underneath all that, don’t you?” And the car goes silent, shallow breaths filling up the noise moments ago. Hongjoong quietly focuses on the road trying not to think about your lingering gaze on his side profile while your mind gets fogged.
Though the sentence is supposed to be teasing you can’t help but note that he called your laugh cute. You are always smiling but there are very few people who have actually listened to you laughing. And suddenly Hongjoong has made his place in that small list that you keep so maintained and wrecked it up. And you hate to love it so much.
Hongjoong clears his throat lightly making you come back from your imagination as he asks, “What did you want to say?”
You quickly rack your brain and then remember the question and suddenly feel shy. What place are you two in for you to ask this anyway? But you can ask as a colleague so you went ahead, “What schedule do you have after this project is finished?”
Your voice is hesitant as your shy gaze lingers on him.
He is shocked at your question and all kinds of possibilities run through his head. Flustered even. Should he ask why? No, that would ruin his dignity and image. He quickly replies, “Just some stuff here and there and I might get an invite from Balman.”
“Balman? Wow, that- that’s great,” you reply smiling before looking out the window. You both have been driving for half an hour now and a ten-minute drive to your apartment is left.
Hongjoong is gripping the steering wheel tightly trying his best to focus on the road ahead. He was thinking about all the tiny details he had picked up over your month of working beside each other every day.
How you stare blankly when you don’t understand before he has to explain again and you nod. Not your fault though, fashion designing is a hard subject. How you chew with your front teeth like a kid, and he thinks it’s stupid even though he finds it way too cute.
No, it’s definitely stupid, he scolds his mind. And he isn’t definitely falling for such an organised person. He always needs and wants spontaneity. Someone like you definitely isn’t in his mind all the time
He hears you say to take a right and he obeys, driving inside the apartment after you show your ID at the entrance. He turns his car around to leave when you say, “Do you want to come in?”
“Oh, is this an invitation?” he wiggles his eyebrows playfully as you roll your eyes, slowly opening your seatbelt and waiting for an answer patiently. Okay, not patiently but eagerly.
“Where’s the guest parking?” he asks answering your doubts as you show him around.
Pressing the padlock for your apartment you push the door open and enter along with Hongjoong. Your apartment is nice and clean and you are relieved no stray bra is lying around or else you will have not lived to see another day due to Hongjoong’s teasing.
You take off your coat and look at Hongjoong who is still looking around. His eyes look so round, with his pretty eyelashes that you find yourself staring at his face.
“Your apartment is so cosy,” he whispers and you blink twice to regenerate his sentence in your mind.
“You say that as if it’s a bad thing,” you giggle and he shakes his head looking at you.
“It’s just I thought you would be in a more posh place,” he explains as you find yourself nodding at him. You become quiet looking around your own apartment and realise why he says it. The walls were beautifully decorated with some Polaroid lights, the desks had pictures and some books.
“I don’t like large places, makes me feel all alone,” you say and he looks around again.
“This one is large too,” he reasons.
“Yes, but not like those never-ending apartments with little furniture, like the day ends in just walking from one room to another,” you groan and he giggles the same laugh that makes you feel giddy all over again.
“Just sit down and I will order us something,” you propose and he nods sitting down on the couch and you scroll through the apps to order something.
The food and the drinks were quickly down as you laughed along with Hongjoong at one of the ridiculous stories of his teen crush and later bid him goodbye as he drove away to his own apartment.
You close the balcony door softly and find yourself grinning and biting your lips thinking of Hongjoong. Even though he is “all about spontaneity” his work ethic and after today his everything is making you way too happy.
And now you feel scared because you are falling for him and he isn’t there to catch you.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ————
The week passes over quickly, and you and Hongjoong are both busy preparing for the upcoming ramp walk and event to which your company is invited. You both had your own things to do and barely saw each other. You had to get some files ready and the documents, sign them up and seal some deals while Hongjoong was going over the designs, perfecting them, and a session with the models every day.
You huff in relief as you board the private plane of your company with everyone and slump down on your seat. Your seat was a bit secluded having a partition. You feel Seonghwa’s presence beside you as he sits down.
You hear some shuffling beside you and on the adjacent isle, you see Hongjoong and Mingi settle down. Mingi passes you a small smile which you greet him back with before turning around and closing your eyes.
Halfway through the journey, you find being pushed by someone as you rub your eyes and the familiar scent hits your nose. Hongjoong. You scramble up in your seat as he looks at you saying, “Had a good sleep? Darling.”
“You!” You exclaimed, but your tone wasn’t accusatory like it would have been two weeks ago. You playfully nudge him before your vision stabilizes and you look around and see Seonghwa sitting with Mingi playing what you probably thought was, “League of Legends.”
“Wow, he dared ditch me to play a damn game,” you murmur to yourself.
“Your head is so heavy, it is hurting my shoulder now,” Hongjoong says and you look at him narrowing your eyes.
“Why didn’t you just throw my head off then,” you argue back but before he can answer food gets served and he immediately digs in. You didn’t pay too much attention to him ignoring your question and instead dug in your own food, satisfied with the comeback, however lame it was.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ————
“I will sue this hotel,” you fume as you quietly scream at Seonghwa who is standing there and trying to calm you down.
Mingi is also standing feeling sorry for you and Hongjoong is doing something on his phone but still keeping you company.
“It’s not that bad, you know, only our rooms are not done, and they promised it will be done by the evening, Mingi and Hongjoong even have their rooms,” Seonghwa tries to make you understand.
Keyword- try.
“I don’t care,” you grit your teeth and then continue, “This is a reputed hotel, how can they be so careless?”
“Well not really their fault, how would they know that the couple would have sex in a random room and then check out,” Seonghwa says and you huff. There was no option and you felt like crying. After fifteen hours of journey, all you wanted to do was take some rest in the nice hotel bed and rest. But that wasn’t happening anytime soon.
Unless.
Hongjoong speaks up, “Well our very patient CEO can stay in my room till then while Seonghwa can go in with Mingi,” and looks at you.
You are so tired you didn’t even try to refute or tease him even when you heard him saying, “No we are doing whatever I am saying” to Seonghwa’s “We can do the opposite too.”
You drag your feet towards Hongjoong’s room as he opens the door with the card and you push past him, lying down on his bed. You don’t even feel like opening your shoes as you enjoy the soft bedsheets under your body.
“This is my room and you don’t even ask,” Hongjoong sighs smiling slightly at your slumped figure over his bed, before he takes off his own shoes.
“Shut up,” you reply, your voice muffling inside the pillows as he sees your cheeks getting squished while you speak. The bellman comes right after to leave his and your luggage inside and he closes the door softly so as to not disturb you.
You are aware you were lying diagonally hogging up the bed space so you try to move a bit to make space but stop as you feel a tug on your leg. You feel Hongjoong’s hands untie your Converse highs and take them off. You keep quiet not knowing what to do and after a few minutes you feel him take off your socks too.
Your heart thumps inside your body as you feel yourself breathing erratically at his domestic behaviour and you are glad that he cannot see your face which is probably adorning a hundred shades of red.
“Hello kitty socks under Nike’s Converse, really?” he comments cheekily trying to hide the adoration in his voice which you did not catch anyway because you are dense as hell.
“You just have to say something, don’t you?” you cross your arms sitting up and looking at him.
“What can I say? I love getting you all riled up,” he smirks walking towards the bed and standing in front of you.
You look up at his hovering figure and your breath hitches as you take in his parted hair which was styled with gel, his transparent glasses on his face and his brown eyes. Oh, those pretty eyes that you want to get lost in.
“Shut up,” you reply, your voice coming out as a whisper and he dips his head over you more making you inhale sharply.
“Make me, darling,” he whispers back and you have to clutch the bedsheets to stop yourself from grabbing his t-shirt and pulling him into a kiss.
Suddenly you both jump at your phone ringing as you reach for it and he clears his throat moving away from you. “Hello,” you say but your voice comes out hoarse and you can feel his effect on you already. Voice unstable, hands shaky, mind foggy, heart racing- he makes you go crazy.
You are screwed.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ————
“I’m screwed,” you tell Seonghwa as you share a drink with him in your room the next day. It was eleven at night and after a whole day of attending the event and giving everyone forced smiles and watching the several runways you and Seonghwa were in your room in your pyjamas discussing your own lives.
“Why? He isn’t bad as a person,” Seonghwa said taking in a sip before checking his phone again.
“Hwa, calm down, your wife and daughter are both sleeping, it’s seven in the morning there,” you console him as you see his face. You knew he was missing them badly and you felt sad for him.
“Yeah, true,” he sighed giving one last look at his phone and then looking at you smiling softly. You smile back, take a sip of your wine and look outside through the glass wall towards the blinking city lights.
“About Hongjoong,” Seonghwa hesitates and you encourage him to continue humming slightly and he says, “He is not a bad person as I said and he probably likes you back, I mean he flirts with you too.”
“He flirts with everybody, and I have fallen for it,” you groan leaning against the glass as Seonghwa raises his eyebrows at you.
“Did you really fall because of his flirty behaviour?” Seonghwa asks you rhetorically and you realise that sighing to yourself. He gets up and putting the wine glass down he says, “You need to think y/n, properly.”
Seonghwa leans back on his chair lightly and your eyes drop to the floor, your deep breaths echoing the room. Seonghwa looks up once and says, “You know on a completely different note, Mingi told me Hongjoong never flirts with his clients the amount he does to you. He is extremely professional and only does business.”
He abruptly gets up and leaves the room before you can muster a reply and you sigh locking the door and sitting down on the quiet bed. Looking around you turn off the lights and look outside at the star-studded view of Paris and feel lonely. And confused. And shaky.
It is the city of love.
And here you are wondering if the person you like likes you back or not.
You know Seonghwa’s question had an answer from you- ‘no’. No, you did not fall for his flirting skills.
You fell for his behaviour, his bright smile, his playfulness, his laugh, his sparkling eyes, his honest behaviour, and his work ethic. Honestly, you couldn’t help but admire how much wonderful he is in his field. He proved you right, spontaneity is the right way for fashion, for designing, for creativity.
You fell for his teasing comments, and his patient behaviour as he made you understand what he was doing and how designing works when you visited his room in the after-hours of your office. His laugh when you asked a stupid question was still your favourite as you remember him looking at your curious state with endearing eyes before he explained.
And you? You who always wanted to like a person who is organised, has interests like you, not very random have fallen for the most spontaneous and random person in the world. You knew he was just being friendly and flirting was in his behaviour, yet you fell and now you are alone in this.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ————
The shows are over and you are set to return the next day. Throughout the whole week, you had been with Hongjoong and made no progress with dealing with your stupid crush on him. Except it has grown bigger. Now, Hongjoong was on your mind every damn time of the day and you hated it. Mostly because you can’t be with him.
You pack up your suitcase and get up and hear your doorbell ring. “Coming,” you call out and expecting your food you open the door. You are surprised as you see Hongjoong standing there looking handsome as ever and you suddenly feel all self-conscious.
Like a schoolgirl in front of your crush.
You have your bed hair from your nap, the loose pyjamas you love wearing so much that the prints are basically fading and the prints are of Ninja Hatari. “H-hey,” you stutter out quickly running your hand over your front hair to get the loose strands praying and hoping the twin-braids are somewhat decent.
But all through your embarrassment, Hongjoong’s heart swelled at your sight. You look so fluffy that he just wants to hold you and kiss you all over the face, right then and there. He looks at you smiling lightly and thrusts his left hand towards you.
You are taken aback at what looks like a cover for a dress and look back at him as his eyes land everywhere except on yours. “It’s for you,” he says, letting a cough out again as you take it from his hand slowly and put it on your bed.
You keep quiet, knowing your voice will betray you and you undo the chain and gasp out loud.
There lay the dress of the design you had fallen in love with on the first day, the day he ruined your moment with the drawing by making a snarky comment, in a lilac colour. Your breath falls short as you realise the “mistake” he made of counting eleven models was just to show you this dress and see your reaction to it.
Seeing how you became quiet, Hongjoong panics and starts blabbering, “I asked Seonghwa and he said your favourite colour is lilac. I also had seen how you liked this design of mine so I decided why not make it? And of course, it’s a gift but if you want you can give it back, I mean no pressure, it’s just a small token of appreciation and not much, and again you can always return it or throw it-“
“Hongjoong shut up,” you deadpan looking at him straight in the eye as you interrupt his blabber and he stares back at you, blankly.
“I love it, it’s beautiful, thanks,” you whisper out looking at the dress and back up at him as he feels shy under your gaze and laughs nervously.
You fiddle through the layers of the dress, feeling the expensive fabric below your fingers. “You like it so much, you forget the one you made it,” Hongjoong whines jokingly and comes closer to your back, peering over your shoulders.
You can feel his shallow breath on your shoulder and you turn to face him feeling bold. It was now or never.
Tomorrow this opportunity will have left your hand as you will both go separate ways. Him staying in Paris for the Balman show while you return to Korea.
“I love it because I know it came from you,” you reply. You can see his eyes brighten up like stars as he smiles back, his hands hesitantly hovering over your waist and he looks at you.
Your bold demeanour vanishes as soon as it comes and you look down, fiddling with your pyjama strings. You were hyper-aware of the proximity between you two and you felt snowflakes in your stomachs which made you feel all giddy.
The kick-on-the-bed-while-lying type giddy. The giggling-while-texting-him type giddy. Like a high-school crush.
“I like you Hongjoong,” you speak fast, all in one breath as you see Hongjoong inhaling sharply and shock clear in his eyeballs and you know you messed up. Shit, why did you have to tell him? You could have been quiet and miserable your whole life instead of making a complete fool of yourself now.
You try to spin around and get out of his gaze but his grip on your waist tightens and makes you stay and you look at him surprised and stutter out, “Wh-what are you doing?”
“I like you too, you uptight idiot,” he whispers and you could feel the world spinning. Like what? He likes you back? How is that even possible?
“Do you want to kiss or I can leave and you can stay inside your thoughts,” he teases you and you glare at him. How could he ruin a moment like this? He giggles lightly at your glaring face before leaning in and attaching his lips to yours.
You stumble slightly, from the shock that you are actually kissing him, in a dark room in a hotel, the city lights being your only witness. You kiss him back with fervour and wrap your hands around his neck and he holds your waist and his other hands lands on your cheek. His lips felt impossibly soft and you could have described it as the best feeling in the world right then and there.
Eventually, you two part as he leaves one last peck which makes you giggle, hiding your face in his neck as he laughs teasing you about the calm and collected CEO falling apart for him. “If you do this after every kiss, I am never going to stop kissing you,” he laughs, and his voice fills the room making you feel incredibly happy.
“Shut up, Kim,” you whisper playfully and he looks down at your red face.
“Make me, darling,” he tempts and this time you pull him into another kiss. Yes, you got shy again afterwards and made him almost faint at your cuteness.
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ꔫㅤㅤ ❜ [ ara's notes ] ㅤ⋆ ㅤidea credit to @iwishiwasrichasfuck. banner made by @/DathanHamen in wattpad. the story is over but i am not over the couple so expect some afterthoughts in the hongjoong timestamps and drabbles later. tysm for reading. ꔫㅤㅤ ❜ [ taglist ] ㅤ⋆ ㅤ@haneagerr @tunaasan @stellarlune-love @jeonghanfr @soocore @chaotic-floral @loveateezㅤmain mlistㅤ atz listㅤ navi
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hwaightme · 11 months
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Feverish
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🌡️ pairing: hongjoong x gn!reader 🌡️ genre: the fluffiest fluff, established relationship, sickfic 🌡️ summary: as you come down with a cold, hongjoong is right there to lift you back up again, be it with soup, song, presence, or all at once. 🌡️ wordcount: 2.4k 🌡️ warnings/tags: questionable editing, proper use of face masks, hongjoong in a kitchen making things, him being a worried and loving boyfriend ready to give you the world, producer joong, he is the medicine actually, discussion of illness and various symptoms, fever, fatigue, distancing 🌡️ a/n: love you @legohwas <3 this was why I was being all cryptic asking about mango milkshakes~ apologies if the lil piece is chaotic and if I disappear into the void ruminating it... but imagine a serenading Hongjoong ahah<333 Thank you so much everyone for likes, reblogs, comments notes, they are always appreciated, much love!
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🌡️ perma-taglist: @doom-fics @/legohwas @acciocriativity @justhere4kpop @honey-lemon-goose @byuntrash101 @shakalakaboomboo @starillusion13 @hongthoven @cqndiedcherries @uwuheeseungie @cheollipop @frankenstein852 @charreddonuts @miriamxsworld @mingigoo @michel-angelhoe @innsomniacshinestar @foxinnie8 @preciouswoozi @wooyoungjpg @mystar1024 @nebulousbookshelf @wowie-hockey @hongjoongs-patience @ssaboala @jaehunnyy @kitten4sannie @maddkitt
🌡️ cannot be tagged: @hjoymyluv @memoriesofwoo @ate-ez
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A heavy stillness had settled in your bedroom, so palpable, in fact, that you believed if you dared to undraw the blackout curtains which were working wonders to protect you from the city’s night lights, that you would be able to see its every fibre. Perhaps there was this benefit to you being severely under - or even squashed by, the weather; for the first time in far too long you were allowing yourself to lie still, gaze at the ceiling in the semi darkness while swaddled in the sheets and throws and nearly drowning in the pillows which you had gathered from all around your apartment as soon as you had come home from class.
It had been a growing sensation. An inkling, a suspicion, and with every passing hour a sure realisation that indeed, you were catching a cold. Or whatever it could be. Either way, you had crawled home dizzy and fatigued, shuddering from what had turned out to be an alarmingly high fever, and after cautiously peeling your outdoor clothing away to change into cosy pyjamas succumbed to your body’s screams for rest. Drifting in and out of consciousness, you had no idea for how long you had been in bed until you were jolted awake by the turning of keys in the lock of the front door, and a very familiar, albeit highly concerned and timid ‘hello?’. Feeling for your phone, you squinted and fought off the tears that sprung to your eyes from the screen brightness as you attempted to read the time, the action only bringing to a state of shock: you had just spent a precious five hours doing absolutely nothing. A pang of guilt overpowered your throbbing temples; when you had more tasks than the number of heartbeats in a day, including professional, academic and domestic endeavours, having this kind of inconvenience such as an illness was simply out of the question. You cursed yourself, your immune system and the fact that there was no way to be able to schedule ailments or cancel your subscription to them altogether.
“Y/N? You missed our call- Y/N? Y/N are you okay?” you gazed off to the side to see your boyfriend peeking into the room, still in his face mask, beanie and coat, clutching a bag tightly against his chest. 
“Hi Joong… Down with…” you tried to speak, but your voice was still laden with sleep and tiredness that had finally caught up to you. Focusing on the silhouette, you peered in Hongjoong’s general direction, hoping that you looked at least somewhat alive after dozing, and snuggled deeper into the sheets.
“What?” he stepped a little closer, tilting his head ever so slightly. You managed to catch the fast narrowing of his eyes as he most definitely caught onto your state, and the droop in what likely was his adorable shy smile behind the black material. 
“Sorry… it’s just… yeah I’m down with something.” you croaked out, only to throw your face into the pillow you had been hugging, suddenly having found your strenuous staring a little more than overwhelming. 
“Wait Y/N really?” baffled, the man stumbled over his words, and looked for a space to drop the black leather bag, choosing an empty spot by the wall, right at the entrance. Stretching out again, he pinched the end of the beanie to slide it off, revealing black hair, lightly matter and dishevelled from the pressure of the garment.
Hongjoong’s eyes darted over your form while he ruffled his hair, worry growing stronger in his chest as he took note of the items strewn around the room. Your backpack was lying at the foot of your bed, laptop peeking out - it was terribly rare that you would ever come home and not organise yourself. If anything, you would be in the middle of reprimanding him for not putting slippers on and still being in his jacket; but not a peep came from you, and instead you were curled up in the foetal position, blocking out all light, all energy, a barely noticeable tramble rushing through you as you poked your head out again to answer him.
“No, I am just being lazy,” you snapped, your voice muffled by the bedsheets that you kept lifted to cover half of your face. Unusually irritated, you simply wanted to doze off and ignore your condition, hopefully wake up refreshed and be able to go about your day as if nothing happened instead of having your boyfriend subject himself to the risk of catching whatever it was.
“I think it is the universe telling you to catch a break.”
You raised an eyebrow at the statement finding it more than amusing, considering that even when Hongjoong did convince himself or management to stay with you for longer than a couple of hours, give him some time and you would find him in a random corner of the apartment, earphones in, laptop in front of him, an artist lost in his own world. Not that you ever minded, nor wanted that to change; if anything, it was unbelievably soothing, and the occasional clicks on the trackpad or keyboard always ended up becoming your rhythm and motivation as you settled down to work on your own projects. 
But you could not type away alongside him tonight, nor even uphold some banter. You desperately wanted to be snarky in return to his call for your relaxation, wanted to throw a witty comeback his way to point out his own habits, but the words remained on the tip of your tongue as you battled your fever, too tired to care about keeping a civil conversation going. But to Hongjoong, your silence spoke a thousand words; he could practically sense what you were going to say to him, and chuckled, playing with the rings on his fingers.
“I know, I know, but do as I say. And I say rest. I’ll… I’ll call the doctor to arrange an appointment…” he trailed off as he patted his pockets, eventually finding the device and beginning to search through his contacts to find someone from medical staff attached to the company. 
His eyes shot upwards once, twice, over and over again, terrified that your state could get worse at any moment or that you would get stubborn and try to power through and force yourself to work. He was distraught, anxious, even if he would eat pickled onion instead of admitting it openly, out of the desire to keep you as calm as possible. Just as he was about to call, you whispered to him:
“I am an adult-” but your phrase was cut short as he raised his hand.
“Let me take care of you? Please?” you hold a pause, waiting for your senses and your processing to catch up to your surroundings.
“...If you keep the mask on… I am not violent but I will throw hands if you get sick.”
“Alright. Gotcha. I’ll try,” and with a goofy thumbs up, he ambled out of the room, conversing over the phone, returning once to ask you about any other symptoms.
In that moment, when you finally could concentrate on his dark eyes, clouded over with distress and wrapped in a glimmer of affection, you felt nothing but safety. In those fleeting seconds, it was easy to forget your concerns about work, about assignments, about the texts that you most definitely missed. Simply with his serenity, the gestures of his hands as he continued talking about you and then the rocking on the balls of his feet as he relayed to you the doctor’s recommendations and the time of the appointment, you felt your erratic heartbeat slow down. With a satisfied hum you agreed, and shut your eyes, letting his aura envelop you. Perhaps it was for the better that he decided to visit after all. Even when he volunteered himself as the man on dinner duty, you were comfortable - you had made soup yesterday, and hopefully, the toaster was not going to catch fire. You concentrated on his soft footsteps as he moved from one part of the apartment to another; it was easy enough to trace the steps, and you imagined him going from the door where he dropped off his outerwear, to the bathroom to wash his hands, to the kitchen where he would open the fridge and muse what he could heat up.
You were adamant on him not approaching you as much as he could, resulting in Hongjoong pushing the tray with a bowl of warm soup, bread, and oddly paired with a mango milkshake that at least explained a fraction of the crashing noises and a random blast of the blender from the kitchen, every bit like a playful cat. He had the same combination of mischief and enthusiasm in his eyes that did not falter as he watched you take a few tentative spoonfuls. He appeared to glow as you thanked him for the surprise treat, and you could see his mask move to hide what undoubtedly was his precious megawatt grin. But what you could not exactly fight against, not when you could see the long day building up on Hongjoong’s shoulders, was his request to occupy the armchair on the other side of the room in a corner, saying that it was ‘necessary just in case you needed something’, so that he would automatically be on standby and within reach.
It was unusual, letting the hours trickle past like this. Instead of filling every second with something to do, or something to check, or something to plan, you were lying in bed, noticing the time and cradling it in your mind. The ticking of the clock on the wall to your right, furthest from Hongjoong was giving you the impression of grains of sand, dropping down into the palms of your hands only to roll over the palms turned hills to the particles, and continue their fall. Inadvertently, your eyes travelled to your adorable Cromer keeper, still clad in the black mask, face illuminated by the laptop screen. Though he was isolated from reality thanks to his newest pair of airpods and unbreaking focus, you could still read his body language thanks to your brain having grown less foggy after having napped and had a shot of pleasantly sweet and sour mango, the love and effort definitely adding to the flavour.
The furrowing of his brows, the way in which he scrunched his nose and you could see him squint ever so slightly as he felt your gaze rest on him and lifted his head to meet it. The barely noticeable, gentle upward jutting of the chin when Hongjoong wanted you to update him on how you were feeling. How he merely stated, after an alarm which you had not expected him to set made his phone vibrate, that it was time to measure your temperature and see if the medication worked. How as soon as you mentioned water, he did the unthinkable and abandoned his laptop on the coffee table to get you a bottle. Your Hongjoong. The artist, the innovator, the creative genius. A little clumsy at times, unsure of himself and subtly asking for you to confirm if he was doing the right things to help you. So much so, that his enthusiasm approached comical levels, and when you tried to make your grand escape outside of your quarters, he was on full alert:
“Bed rest, hello? What are you doing up? If you needed something I could-”
“Bathroom… Joong… bathroom. I am okay enough to go there.”
“OH. Oops sorry I- I- uh- yeah- ha… ha sorry… I’ll just be right… back… there yeah okay.”
You had to restrain yourself from guffawing, the dull ache in your head reminding you that you would probably need to sleep at least twelve more hours to have a laughing fit and not faint, and instead bit your bottom lip as you openly admired Hongjoong’s growing redness in the tips of his ears, and the lowering of his shoulders as an attempt to appear smaller. It was as if the fever was returning to you once again as you desperately wanted to pat your boyfriend on his head and wrap him up in your arms. Alas, you needed to get better first, for you both - captain’s orders, but it was easy when he was the best kind of medicine. His attentiveness, his patience, his resolve in staying by your side even though you had told him that you would be fine. While you were washing your face, relishing in the sensation of cool water running over your skin, you wondered when it would be appropriate to make the joke that he was currently looking like Hala-joong, and that he should wear the wide-brimmed hat you had hidden in your wardrobe.
Upon your return, nothing changed, just like he said. He was still there, still your precious Hongjoong, still immersed in what you could guess were the finishing touches for a track as he was mouthing the lyrics. You crept back into bed, only one creak alerting him of your presence, but he did not pay it no mind, only sending a wink in your direction as a form of greeting. And you thought that this was how you were going to go back into a healing slumber, until you heard the clicking of the earphones case, and the faint notes of a song, only just beginning - a soothing introduction with a semi-acoustic guitar. As it continued, Hongjoong counted the bars with one hand, and hurriedly apologised to you:
“I was meant to record the vocals but… it felt only right to finish this to the best of my ability now. And uh… stop me if your head hurts.” you rolled your eyes, a smile breaking over your features as you cuddled into the warm blankets, supporting your head so that you could watch your beloved artist and human in his element, sharing his most valuable with you.
He sang softer than usual, careful to not hurt your sensitive eardrums, but the dulcet tones were like the life essence washing over you, lifting you above the spell of illness and immersing you in a total, ethereal bliss. Of course he was going to choose a song that was on theme, on time, lyrically balanced and heartwarming. Of course Hongjoong was going to make you want to weep from the comfort that he was providing. And of course, he was going to respect your wishes and not walk closer to you, but with his voice, with his beautiful rendition of ‘Sleep Well’ by .d4vd from the custom backing track to the added tastefully melodic rap, he carried the love, the care right over to you. Lulling you into a well deserved break from turmoil, guiding you into a better tomorrow. Because how dare a virus be the one to make the love of his life feel feverish, and not him? 
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Eternal Sunshine
hongjoong x reader
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind au except i tweaked... a lot
genre and warnings: fluff, angst, suggestive, cursing, violence warning
word count: 23k
synopsis: you and hongjoong meet on the train and instantly connect, going from friends to more. however, you're both plagued by a past that you do not remember, and when you both start to dig into it, you realise that your pasts may be connected and the situation might be graver than you thought.
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Your plan to sleep the entire train ride that was about to be 6 hours, travelling from one corner of Wonderland to the other, was failing miserably.
Firstly, it was daytime. Your sleep schedule might be staying up late at night and sleeping for most part of the day but for some reason, it was a hit and miss whenever you were travelling. That meant that if you dozed off the second a journey would start, you would stay asleep for almost the whole part of it. But if you didn’t fall asleep as soon as it started, you would have trouble trying to sleep. And trouble looked like resting your head against the window or any closest surface with eyes shut but brain wide awake.
You could hear the kid whining about not bringing enough snacks for the journey all the way from the end of the cabin. You were sure he wasn’t very loud but you still wanted to go and say something to shut him up. You could also hear the old couple in the back talk about their kids. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but they weren’t being quiet so it wasn’t entirely your fault. You could also hear the constant thrum of the train whooshing on its track, and if you opened your eyes and looked outside, you would see the buildings as a blur. 
The only good part about this whole journey was that most of the seats were empty which meant you had quite some space for yourself. Your front seats were empty so you were resting your feet on them. Your arms were folded and your overcoat was keeping you warm. Your pastel pink muffler was bundled in your lap. The coffee you had brought from home had long gone cold in the tumbler. You sighed to yourself- not the best start to the day, but once you would reach Sector 1, you might feel better. 
You had no idea how long it had passed when you were woken by a tap to your shoulder- woken from your almost-falling-asleep stage. It made you jerk before you blinked to see who dared disturb.
“I’m sorry, is this yours?” the man asked, your huge black headphones with cat paws on its ears in his hand. 
“Ah, must have rolled off from my… bag,” you grimaced at the sight of your tote bag upside down on the floor, a few things having rolled out that the man was already placing on the table with a faint smile. “Sorry for the trouble.”
“It’s alright. I was dozing myself there-” he pointed at the seats next to you at the other corner, “when something bumped my feet.”
“Gosh, I’m a mess,” you finished placing everything in your bag, zipping the bag as you pointedly looked at the man who laughed. You took a second to scan him- he had quite memorable features and appearance. Half bleached hair, glasses that were probably an accessory, pointed features but warmth radiating from his rather cute smile. “Sorry to wake you up, Cruella.”
“I get that a lot,” he grinned, extending his hand. “I’m Hongjoong.”
“Y/n,” you shook his hand, and he pointed to the seat in front of you and you nodded to tell him he was welcome to sit and chat. “Where are you travelling to?”
“Sector 1. You?”
“Same place. You live there?”
“Yep. I was staying a few months at my friend's house in Sector 8, for work.”
“That’s crazy because same,” you laughed. “Glad to be going back home though.”
“Yep,” he nodded. “You look familiar for some reason. Might have come across you either there or back home.”
“You look familiar too, for some strange reason, but I’m sure I would have remembered you,” you pointed at his hair. “I kind of love it.”
“Ah, really?” He touched his hair, laughing nervously and you thought it was cute. “I tend to try different things.”
“I’ve had the same hair since I was born,” you rolled your eyes. “I might go ahead and do something funky one of these days too. And then I would call you my muse.”
“That’d be cool,” he grinned. “So what do you do for work?”
You offered him a chocolate from your bag, taking one for yourself and looking outside- it was almost evening. The train would be taking a break at Sector 4 soon and you wanted to get something warm. “I’m a literary editor for a company. You?”
“Music producer,” he told you and you wowed at that. “It’s not as great as it sounds. When it’s a hobby, it’s all fun and games, but when it becomes work, it can give you a hard time.”
“I relate to that. I used to be a writer until it became too much and I stopped,” you said and he raised a brow but didn’t probe further. He could tell there was a story behind it. “It’s fun when you do something you like for work, even though sometimes it could give you a hard time.”
“That’s true. I noticed your headphones though, and I couldn’t help but wonder if you’re interested in music?”
You couldn’t tell why you could connect to Hongjoong instantly but there was just something about the way he talked that kept you engaged, listening to his every word and then answering more than you would have with any other random stranger. You weren’t one to talk to strangers in the first place- but something about him was so utterly genuine that you found yourself chatting with him for half an hour until you stopped at Sector 4 for an hour-long break. Hongjoong offered you to grab some tea with him and you couldn’t refuse.
“It’s freezing,” you wrapped your muffler around your face like a mummy, leaving only space for the eyes, making Hongjoong laugh- another thing about him that was endearing. He mirrored your action and like mummies, you two walked to the nearest shop to get something warm to hold and drink. 
As you sat next to each other on the stools looking out of the window and checking your phones, finally having unwrapped yourselves, you asked him if he was looking forward to finally being home. He passed you a tight-lipped smile, taking a sip before replying.
“I needed to be away from home. I know that for me my home is the most comfortable place in the world, but I don’t know. I somehow needed to get away from there.”
You nodded- you weren’t sure you could relate entirely but you could understand. “It’s like that with people too. Sometimes you want to run away from them even if they mean the whole world to you.”
Hongjoong looked at you. “I guess so. Have you ever had that point in life?”
“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I tend to be the type of person who doesn’t let anyone mean ‘the whole world’ to me anyway.”
Hongjoong unexpectedly laughed at that, making you wonder what was so funny even though you joined. “You must be a hard nut to crack. You don’t give off that vibe.”
“Really? I need to strengthen my defences then- do I seem like an open book to you?” You asked, making him laugh and shake his head again.
“Not an open book but not someone I realised might not be who they seem to be,” he explained and you made an impressed face. “That means you’re doing fine.”
You forgot how you were going to retort when something caught your eye and you turned to look outside the window, realising it was-
“Snowing. It’s snowing!” You grinned, taking his hand and dragging him outside despite his protests, and you two were a laughing mess when you were finally under the snowflakes.
“Aren’t you the one who was just freezing to death moments ago!” Hongjoong laughed, not bothering to dust off the snowflakes anymore and finishing his coffee.
“I do like it when it snows though,” you grinned.
Hongjoong shook his head, taking your cup as well to throw it in the bin and when he came back, he scoffed at the sight of you- trying to hide under the tree to avoid snowflakes on your uncovered face. He stood beside you, watching the ground turn whiter with each passing second. When he looked at you again, there was a snowflake on your cheek and before he knew it, he was brushing it off with his thumb, earning a short but surprised gasp from you, which made him go someplace else entirely before he smiled casually.
“We should go inside.”
Once inside, you two resumed chatting about casual stuff, not trying to get personal, but at some point you fell asleep and Hongjoong watched you with a smile before resting his head on the window and falling asleep across from you. Before you knew it, you had reached Sector 1 and you both were gathering your things. 
“I hope to see you again somewhere around,” you said. “It’s a small town. We’ll probably run into each other sooner than we’d expect.”
“I don’t really go outside often, so let’s see,” Hongjoong pouted. “Are we not exchanging phone numbers?”
You smiled faintly at that, wanting to exchange contact information so bad but… there was a side to you he didn’t know about. “Tell you what- the next time we run into each other, we’ll share our numbers first. But for that,” you leaned in a little as if to whisper a secret. “You’ll have to come outside more often.”
Hongjoong shook his head in amusement. “If you catch me standing in the corner of a street looking like a lost kid, you should know it’s because I was waiting for you.”
“Oh, I have a feeling we’ll run into each other before we get to that point,” you winked, spotting your tall friend behind him and extending your hand to Hongjoong. “It was really nice to meet you, Kim Hongjoong. Until we meet again.”
“No wonder you’re a writer,” he scoffed. “Until we meet again… y/n.”
—----------------------------
“Yunho, if you ‘accidentally’ kick my leg one more time, I’m going to break all your toes-”
Yunho choked on his drink, laughing. “This is a small table, and I need space for my legs!”
“Well, you’re the one who brought me here!” You sighed. “Let me just-” You turned your legs against the wall, letting him have the rest of the space to himself. “We good?”
“We’re great,” he grinned mischievously. “Now can you stop whining about every minor inconvenience and tell me how the past six months were at Sector 8?”
You sighed, slumping down further as you sipped on the chocolate milkshake. “It was fine. I’m doing better at work. I just still feel like there’s a spark in me that’s missing. Maybe the creative soul in me has… died, you know?”
“You just need a muse,” he told you as if he had the right answer. “And if you look closer, you might find it right in front of your face-”
“A muse, huh?” Your mind went elsewhere, though, to a person that resembled a certain fictional character. “I haven’t written a book in two years. I’m glad I chose to be anonymous because I don’t think I could have handled the pressure from my fans if they knew who I really was.”
“Fans should know when to give their favourite writers time and space,” he said but you knew he felt sorry too. “I think you should just be glad you didn’t leave a project unfinished or left in the middle of writing a series.”
“Yeah, that’s a big relief,” you nodded enthusiastically, shivering at the prospect of having done any of the two. “I can even say I’m officially retired and have no regrets. Well, not exactly no regrets but at least I’ll be satisfied.”
“Totally, though I wish you could give us one final piece if you do wish to retire,” Yunho made puppy eyes and you glared at him but smiled. He was your best friend but also your biggest fan. 
“How’s your new roommate? What was his name again?”
“Seonghwa- he’s really good. Mingi and I are adjusting well with him,” he told you and went into the details about how Seonghwa was working in the music industry and had the kindest soul. “He’s also kinda hot so I think you should really come over sometimes because I can’t hear you whine about how lonely you are anymore-”
“Speak for yourself,” you scoffed. “One girl breaks your heart and you swear off relationships. It’s a wonder you didn’t kick me out of your circle.”
Yunho sighed deeply. “At least I don’t complain about being lonely, y/n.”
He was right- it was usually you, and since during the last six months you and Yunho only talked through text or calls, he heard it more. Life in Sector 8 wasn’t full of parties and all. It was just being holed up in your room, occasionally being dragged by one of your friends there to the outside world for lunch or dinner. Other than that, you focused on work. It was an opportunity you didn’t want to miss and if that meant being away from home for half a year, you didn’t care.
Especially when you were pretty sure you were going to go crazy.
As if Yunho knew exactly what was going on in your head, he asked, “You still have those daydreams?”
“They’ve turned into dreams,” you looked at him. “It feels like another life, Yunho. And I know I could write about it, but I don’t think I can.”
“You should stop being scared of what’s inside your head,” he said. “I don’t get what you’re so afraid of.”
“I don’t get it either,” you muttered.
On the way back home, you took your time, taking the longer route to your apartment, just wanting to roam around your hometown and soak in everything and see what had changed. No matter how much it changed, you realised, it would still feel like home every time. Safe, but you found yourself looking over your shoulder a few times. Warm, but you would suddenly feel chills. The weather was pleasant though and you were enjoying yourself, kind of glad it wasn’t snowing yet.
Your mind immediately went back to Hongjoong. You wondered where he was and if you were ever going to run into him again. You were pretty sure you would, but the reason why you didn’t take his phone number that day was something you needed time for.
Your daydreams- they were like flashes of an alternate life. In that life, you looked the same. You went to the same places, but you were with someone else- someone with hair the most pretty shade of blue. You didn’t remember what he looked like, nor did you recall how he sounded. But you were happy and you were loved. Those feelings were sometimes so intense that you would feel as if a part of you had been snatched from you.
Before you moved away for work, you were plagued by those daydreams. You didn’t recall when they started coming, but by the time you noticed, you realised that they were distracting you from life. You started writing, wondering if it was just another prompt or idea you needed to get out of your head but that didn’t work- they were out of control. And when you stopped writing and started working, it plagued your nights. 
You took the job for Sector 8 wondering if you needed to be away from your home, your hometown, to get away from the memories of someone that was you- that was what it felt like. Memories- or maybe they hadn’t even happened yet. 
Or maybe you were becoming delusional, way too much into fantasising about what could have been. But the whole year you spent telling yourself that you had read and written way too much fiction and needed to get back to real life and stop imagining things, that night at the train with Hongjoong made you wonder if you were wrong about yourself.
It wasn’t anything he did. It’s just that when you fell asleep, you had a dream about the blue-haired guy after a long time. And in that dream, you were thrumming along to a beat you were listening to.
“You like that?” The blue-haired guy asked. You tried looking at him, but it was like you couldn’t see him. You did not know whether he was older or younger than you. You did not know what he looked like, other than the unique hair. 
“You’re so good at this,” you replied, squeezing his hands and noticing a detail you hadn’t seen before- a single nail painted blue. 
When you woke up, you wondered where you had seen that. And when Hongjoong extended his hand to say goodbye, you noticed it. The same pinky finger, but painted black. How many people have you met who painted only their pinky finger? 
You were fearing that the lines between your dreams and reality were becoming blurry, which is why you left in the first place. It didn’t help that Hongjoong popped out of nowhere with an all too familiar vibe. Perhaps you dreamt about the painted pinky finger because of Hongjoong. Perhaps your blue haired guy never even touched nail paint- if he existed in the first place.
You stepped inside your apartment, dropping your bag on the couch and going to wash your face, cleaning up and changing before coming to your room and stopping in front of your wall with the softboard- the one where you chalked ideas, put polaroids of your memories, finding a lot of picture with Yunho and Mingi. And then you stared at the pattern of these photos- there was none. 
That’s what bugged you. You were eerily meticulous with how you arranged every part of your room. How you arranged your notes, the photos on your wall, your stationery, everything. And one strange day, you woke up and nothing in your room made sense to you. It was as if you had been placed into someplace foreign, even though it was your home. 
And that’s when the daydreams started. You searched the internet when it got worse but found nothing relevant. You gave up but didn’t change anything in your ‘new’ room, hoping it would one day rock your memory- if there was something in your memory in the first place. 
You pulled the covers over yourself, pushing away the thoughts and welcoming sleep after a long day.
—---------------------
You did not expect to run into Hongjoong so soon.
You were expecting at least a month to pass before you would stumble upon him somewhere- probably shopping for groceries if he lived in your area, or maybe at a cafe or a restaurant, maybe at a club. But certainly not in the middle of the night when you rushed out of your home to take a breather.
You were speed-walking to the park, thinking about the dream you just had. The blue-haired boy holding you so close- you could still feel the warmth of his touch on your arms. His voice- sometimes sounding familiar, sometimes sounding alien. But what really did it for you tonight was an all too familiar place- you had only been there once. The book-cafe in Sector 7. You had only been to Sector 7 once, and you recalled that you were not alone, however, no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t remember just who had accompanied you. But you had definitely been there- it was not a dream or a daydream. You could remember the layout of that place, the books you read there. You even found one of your books there and had a good laugh about it- with who?
You were thinking just that when you spotted your Cruella, dressed in all black, sitting on a bench with headphones on, staring into the distance- as if he, too, was trying to recall something but couldn’t. You smiled, forgetting all about the dream and instead taking a detour to sneak up on him from behind and sit beside him like a stranger would. He glanced at you and went back to staring into the distance and you watched recognition click on his face before he shifted his full attention towards you.
“I can’t believe this,” Hongjoong laughed, taking off his headphones. “What were the chances?”
“Is meeting in the middle of the night our thing now?” You shook his hand, scoffing. 
“Maybe it is,” he winked. “Do you live in this area?”
“Actually, yes. Block F,” you told him and he nodded.
“Block K,” he told you and you nodded- it wasn’t very far but it wasn’t close either. “How does it feel to be back home?”
“Strange but welcoming,” you shrugged. “How’s your sample coming along?”
You were talking about the sample he’d shown you on the train- some song he was composing for a band. “It’s been approved. You wanna hear it?”
“Hell yes,” you grinned, taking his headphones. “What are you calling it?”
“You gotta listen to it first,” he told you and you made a face but listened to the instrumental song, now fully composed. 
And you were in love instantly. With the song, of course. 
Hongjoong could tell you were enjoying it- the way your brows were furrowed as you focused, the way you were literally on your toes but slowly thrumming along to the beat. It made him a little giddy. And when you took off his headphones, you were gaping at him.
“It’s changed a lot since the last time, but I’m not complaining at all. It’s a masterpiece!” You exhaled, looking at him with wonder. “You’re truly an artist, Hongjoong.”
“Ah, you’re flattering me way too much,” he laughed, cheeks flushed and waving his hands dismissively. “It’s called Horizon. Does the name fit?”
“Definitely,” you mimicked his posture from when you found him sitting here. “Is that why you were staring at the… horizon?” Hongjoong stared at you deadpan, making you hide your face. “Admit it. That was funny.”
“A little,” he finally shook his head in amusement. “What brought you here in the middle of the night though?”
The smile fell off your lips. “Dreams.”
“Dreams and not nightmares? That’s new,” he made a face but he relaxed back, staring into the distance with you. “Care to share?”
“Just… very vivid dreams. Sometimes I wonder what was real and what was a dream.”
“I actually know what you mean,” he admitted and you looked at him. “I still think about those dreams and at this point, I’ve probably already mixed them with reality.”
You frowned. “When did you start having these dreams?”
“About a year ago, I think. It was a strange time for me, with work and all,” he sighed but you were thinking about how it was a coincidence- you started having these dreams around a year ago too. “We’re both artists, you and I, y/n. My medium is music and yours is writing. When we get a little too creative… I guess it happens. Dreams become mixed with reality, and we have to take a step back but it keeps plaguing us, back there in our heads. Isn’t that why you needed a change of pace and became a literary editor?”
“No one has figured me out this quickly, not even my therapist,” you exhaled and the two of you began laughing at the absurdity. “But you’re right. Is that why you decided to go to Sector 8 too?”
“I only went four months ago to work with a producer, but I know I wouldn’t have if I didn’t need to get out of this place,” Hongjoong told you. “But I’m saying that I totally get what you mean. And I think it’s good to dream- better than not dreaming at all.”
“That’s kinda poetic,” you teased. “But is it good to dream if you can’t figure out what’s real and what’s not?”
“That’s the fun part, isn’t it?” Hongjoong smiled. “You get to decide.”
You looked at him- really looked at him this time. Messy hair, tired but sparkling eyes, lazy smile, relaxed posture. Was life so easy for him? To figure out stuff like this? Maybe you need to stop being so strict with yourself and start acting a little like Hongjoong.
But… there was a strange tug in your heart that told you that you needed to delve into your past to figure stuff out before you ever decide to dismiss it. At least after the dream tonight.
So you straightened and smiled at Hongjoong before telling him, “I think if we can’t differentiate between dreams and reality… we need to get a grip. If you don’t even know yourself, how are you supposed to move on and begin to know other people?”
“But we never truly know ourselves,” he countered. “We do things that surprise even us.”
“But we should be aware of ourselves, and you, Hongjoong,” you poked his temple, making him groan and laugh at the same time. “You need to be aware of yourself too. And don’t give me the ‘I’m very aware’ bullshit. We’re in this shit together, it seems.”
“Well then, let’s find self-awareness together, shall we?” You couldn’t tell if he was being serious or was just teasing you. “Also, are you going to ditch me like last time or do I get to have your phone number now?”
You grinned at him and exchanged contact information. “Let’s meet for coffee sometime?”
“Definitely,” he nodded and you looked at the time. “You should get going.”
“You should too,” you pursed your lips. “It’s almost 4.”
“You wanna see something?” He asked out of the blue and you raised your brow, even more in surprise when he took your hand and led you to where a bunch of trees were, making you laugh out loud when he gently pushed you down by the shoulders to make you sit, and then he lied down.
“Come,” he patted the space next to him and you lied down as well, frowning at him in mild amusement. 
“You think this is a nice spot to sleep?”
“Shut up and look,” he pointed upwards and you followed his gaze-
Finding stars shine from between the leaves of the trees. “Woah. That’s something I’d like to see before sleeping every night.”
“I know,” he smiled. “I like to watch this when I can’t sleep at night.”
“I can see why,” you said and looked at Hongjoong-
His side-profile looked awfully familiar. It was unique- he had those features you rarely saw on anyone. A very memorable and handsome face. Now why did he look familiar?
You were having a daydream again- or was it a flashback? You were lying down just like this, right here, with your blue-haired boy.
“Y/n?” Hongjoong clicked his fingers in front of you and you shook yourself out of the trance.
“Can I ask you something?” You cleared your throat and he nodded. “Do you dye your hair often?”
Hongjoong was thrown back by the sudden curiosity and he laughed a little. “Yeah, you could say. I’ve had ginger hair, blonde, pink, blue and red too. I’ve tried many different colours.”
Blue.
“Blue sounds interesting. Do you have some pictures of yourself from when you had blue hair?”
“Not right now- I got a new phone a few days ago so it’s basically empty,” he told you and you nodded. “You like blue?”
“Yep,” you smiled. “I think it’s my favourite colour. But I really like your hair now too. I never thought it would look this good on a person.”
“Thanks,” Hongjoong smiled shyly. “I think I’m going to keep it for a while.”
“Sounds good,” you turned to look up, trying not to conjure up the image of blue-haired Hongjoong.
—------------------
Your coffee date with Hongjoong had taken a wilder turn than any of you had intended.
Firstly, you showed up half an hour late, making up the excuse of ‘work’ when the real reason was that you spent hours in front of the mirror trying different outfits because Hongjoong was always looking incredibly good with all his details and you were honestly a mess in comparison.
Secondly, you were wondering if this was a ‘date’ or just a casual meetup where you’re still getting to know each other and becoming friends. You were pretty sure it was the second but that didn’t keep you from stressing over the fact that you, for the first time in years, were trying to socialise with a random stranger. Your only other friends were Yunho and Mingi, both from high school. And they couldn’t help but make fun of you.
“You think seeing me after six months would have done it,” Mingi began, glancing at Yunho, “but she shows up at my place with her hair looking like a nest and in her sweats, barely holding herself up with her laptop and books, and asks to stay over because she needed a break. That’s how she decided to meet me.”
“Ah, is that so?” Yunho laughed. “She looked pretty decent when she met me. I almost got scared.”
“That was because I was coming back from work,” you looked at Yunho pointedly, and then turned to Mingi. “And that was because I was in the library all day and didn’t have the energy to go all the way back home. Your place was like two streets away. And Yunho- you missed that. I even met Seonghwa- the new roommate.”
“Oh? In that state?” Yunho groaned. “My plan to set you two up has already failed then.”
“He liked me,” you simply said. “We talked a bit.”
“That’s just him being kind,” Mingi scoffed. “When you went to sleep, he asked me if you were ‘alright’. He looked like he knew you from someplace.”
“Oh, goodness,” you stopped drying your hair. “Did I look that bad? And he should have told me if I looked familiar.”
“Not your best, you gotta admit,” Mingi ran a hand through his brown hair. “And you’re getting dolled up for a stranger you met on the train? I don’t recall the last time you actually made an effort to look good for someone.”
“I’m not doing it for him, I’m doing it for me,” you said but Yunho and Mingi didn’t look pleased. You rolled your eyes. “Fine. I want to look good. And don’t give me that look- it’s not a date. We’re only friends, still getting to know each other-”
“Which means the possibility is there,” Yunho grinned. “I hope it works this time.”
“What do you mean this time?” You frowned- you didn’t recall any previous time.
“Weren’t you maybe dating someone like two years ago?” Yunho tried to recall. “You didn’t tell us the details but I think you were.”
“Was I?” You frowned. “I don’t remember-”
Your phone buzzed and you read the text from Hongjoong saying he had arrived at the cafe, which was when you realised you were running late. You had to push Yunho and Mingi out of your room so you could finally change and get ready without further distractions. 
So now that you were in front of Hongjoong late, anxiously wondering if this was a date, and already feeling nervous because of how good he was looking in all-black, you were wondering just what was happening- especially when Hongjoong asked you if you wanted to join him at the music festival that was taking place in the arena- he had just gotten two free passes from a friend who was working there.
“Wow, that’s gotta be wild!” You laughed nervously. You wanted to go so badly-
“We can skip if you want to,” Hongjoong was carefully scanning your face.
“No, I’m just wondering if I have any prior engagements for tonight,” you asked him to give you a second so you could check your schedule. You were free. You glanced up at him with a growing smile which he reflected. “Am I underdressed?”
“Nobody cares, we’re good,” Hongjoong said after scanning your outfit. "You look pretty in blue."
"Thanks," you smiled shyly, wondering what it was about him that made you nervous. "You look pretty in everything."
Hongjoong laughed out loud. "That's something I needed to hear."
"I'm not joking!" You huffed. "My friends were making fun of me because I couldn't decide what to wear. You look like someone who would look good in a sack too."
"That's definitely an exaggeration," he scoffed but leaned forward, face resting casually on his hands. "Were you dressing up for me? Is that why you're so late?"
You didn't expect the rush of heat in your stomach but you liked the thrill. "And if I was?"
Hongjoong shook his head, amused. "Let's make the most of tonight then, huh?"
As you exited the cafe, you bumped into a woman who seemed to be in a rush, making her bag drop. You sighed, helping her up and handing her the bag with an apology. 
“It’s okay,” she smiled at you and then at Hongjoong and her smile fell. You frowned at that.
“Are you feeling alright?” You asked. “Let me help you inside- you look pale.”
“No, it’s alright, I just need to get my coffee,” she said, scanning you both again with a smile this time. “Date night?”
Hongjoong and you laughed at that. “Kind of,” he said.
“Good luck,” she patted your shoulder and you watched her go inside.
“She seemed familiar for some reason,” Hongjoong said.
“It looked like you seemed familiar to her too,” you commented. “Maybe an old colleague?”
“Maybe. Let’s go.”
A few minutes later, you were at the arena, the combination of loud music and Hongjoong holding your hand as he guided you through the crowd making your heart sound like it was between your ears. Thankfully, it wasn't very crowded. Hongjoong led you to the front where the band was rehearsing before they would start playing- they started lowering the volume and Hongjoong turned towards you. 
"Do you prefer watching or would you like to dance along?"
"I think once I'm feeling it, I might dance along," you shrugged. "I can't say- it's been a while since I came to someplace like this."
"Well, I guess you'll be learning a few things about yourself tonight," he winked, noticing that he was still holding your hand. "Should we stay here then?"
"For now," you nodded, squeezing his hand in appreciation before leaving it, taking a deep breath and smiling as you looked around. "You must come here often."
"I haven't been here in a while as well," he looked troubled and you decided not to ask further about the reason. "But I feel kind of nostalgic now that I'm here."
"I'm excited to see what you look like when you're in your medium, Kim Hongjoong," you teased and he rolled his eyes.
"You have to see me in my workplace. You won't recognise me."
You raised a brow- somehow, you had imagined that he looked kind of hot as he worked. He had that kind of vibe to him. But as if he had read your mind (or noticed you biting your lips) he shook his head. "People avoid me when I'm working on something. I really don't wanna be disturbed and I get frustrated easily too."
"That's pretty similar to writing. When I have an idea, I need all my attention focused on writing. If someone distracts me, I'll burst."
Hongjoong smiled, nodding. It was very true. "For now, I think we can let loose and enjoy."
As if on cue, the speakers were back at full volume, making you grit your teeth momentarily as you got used to the sound of your bones shaking and then you were swaying along to the beat in a light manner, much like Hongjoong. He seemed to know the song- or maybe he was just better at this than you, but his grin told you you were doing just fine.
The rest of the night was a blur- it took you only another few songs to completely lose yourself into the music. You were soon reflecting Hongjoong’s wild energy and if you could see yourself from afar at that moment, you wouldn’t recognise yourself. It was as if either something had possessed you or you’d finally let go of the things bothering you. 
When you exited the arena and went to the food stalls, Hongjoong grabbed water bottles and you took a big few gulps before exhaling loudly. “I think I should have just come to a concert before deciding I was depressed and needed to change my environment. This is free therapy!”
Hongjoong laughed loudly. “Post-concert depression is also a thing. Don’t move around after that.”
“Really?” You said but realised that your heart was still pounding and your legs were still thrumming along to some beat. “You better deal with that mess then.”
“Oh, I will,” he smirked and you raised a brow. You hadn’t missed the ‘casual’ touches Hongjoong had passed throughout the concert, nor had you missed how he glanced at you more often than necessary. And he alone wasn’t to blame- you hadn’t been subtle either. There was an undeniable pull between you two and it wasn’t helping that you two were tiptoeing around it and not addressing it. “You wanna take a walk and calm down before we go home?”
You nodded and didn’t protest when he took your hand in his and guided you to the exit, avoiding people he recognised because he didn’t want you to feel overwhelmed. Once you were out, you intertwined your fingers as a silent thanks and to let him know you didn’t mind holding hands. 
“I won’t forget tonight,” Hongjoong’s voice was low. “I enjoyed it very much.”
“Me too,” you pursed your lips. “It was also a bit nostalgic being there- I don’t know why, but I just felt… like I’ve been there before.”
“Really?” Hongjoong looked genuinely surprised. “I felt the same- I’ve been to many concerts but this was the first time I felt so nostalgic- but more like I was having an intense deja vu.”
“I think it’s us,” you grinned at him. “When I was writing for fun, I read something that stuck with me- that there are some people we know in another reality. We instantly feel a connection with them and they make us feel like we’ve been there before- with them. Do you think so too?”
“I didn’t know it was actually a thing,” Hongjoong seemed fascinated. “I thought it was just because I liked you a little too much.”
You tried suppressing a grin but failed, bumping against him on purpose, squeezing his hand. He copied that and you two giggled like kids. “That’s the most cheesy thing I’ve heard in a while. I think I should use it in one of my books.”
“I’d read that,” he laughed and you both paused when you reached the intersection- you were to go left and he to right. He turned you towards him, looking down at your still joined hands. “I think you should let go now.”
“I think you’re the one still holding, see?” You flexed your fingers in his hand and he chuckled. 
“I’m taking you to dinner next time- a real date. If… if you’d like to,” Hongjoong asked cautiously.
You pretended to think about it. “I think I’d like to. Very much. Good night, Hongjoong, and thank you for today.”
You leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek, making his eyes go wide in surprise. You grinned at that, waving and rushing off before he could respond because god, he looked absolutely hot when he looked at you that way.
And you were glad he had voiced that he liked you and that you weren’t hallucinating or reading too much into things. Because you liked Kim Hongjoong very much. It was strange how it felt like you had known him longer than the actual few weeks because you weren’t the kind of person to open up to someone this quickly, nor did you get along with many people.
You put your hands in your pocket as you walked back and felt something in one of the pockets- a card. You took it out and frowned in confusion- you didn’t remember putting this business card in your pocket, nor did you remember ever meeting Lee Sunmi from ‘Wonderland Intelligence Service’. The WIS was a government organisation- something not even known to the general public. Why did you have the business card of someone from the WIS?
As you got home and changed, you sat in front of your laptop on the table, staring at your plain black desktop screen, zoned out. There was this feeling like something scratching at your subconscious- you just couldn’t figure it out. And when you felt something wet on your cheeks, you realised it was tears. You wiped your face, suddenly overwhelmed, and decided to cry your heart out when you couldn’t hold it back anymore. 
You couldn’t figure out what was this sadness clinging to you like a part of your soul- it followed you everywhere. You couldn’t find its origin nor could you see its end. All you knew was that there was something you had forgotten- it couldn’t just be your dreams and imagination making you sad. There was no way. You had forgotten something, and whatever it was, it must have been important to you. 
You needed to find answers. And you would start with yourself. Tomorrow.
Tonight, you cry, alone.
In his apartment, having washed up, Hongjoong sat in his studio-room in front of his big setup of laptops and PCs, a mess of wires and screens and speakers and earphones lying around. It was always comforting to simply sit and stare, even if he wasn’t working. He thought about the concert earlier, about you, with a faint smile on his face.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had let loose like this. You probably wouldn’t believe it if he told you, but he wasn’t always like this. There was just something utterly familiar and comforting and welcoming about you that made him open up to you and befriend you, that made him want more than being just friends. He thought you were absolutely pretty- in the way you held yourself, in the way you talked. And he had seen a new side of you tonight- the wild side, and oh, he knew in that moment that he was done for. There was no coming back now.
He had to have you. 
Hongjoong opened up a few folders, trying to find old concert footage or photos from the last time he went- probably a year or two ago, maybe even earlier. He had a habit of organising his folders by years, and he went to open the one from last year, not finding much, just some photos of the scenery that usually served as inspiration when he produced or composed. He opened the folder from two years ago, finding photos of-
Sector 7? The board read Sector 7 in one of the photos. He frowned as he tried to recall- when exactly had he gone to Sector 7? He couldn’t quite recall and he thought it odd- he wasn’t one with memory issues, he had never been. Hongjoong opened one of the photos- Sector 7 was famous for its hills and rivers. He scrolled through the photos of clouds, hills, flowers, finding a few of himself and then some of a cafe- a book cafe, it looked like. 
Hongjoong stared at the photo for a long time- it seemed awfully familiar but it was odd that he couldn’t recall what he was doing at a book cafe. He wasn’t the type to go to cafes alone- certainly not book cafes. It was also a bit odd that he could only recall fragments of his trip if he tried hard. He shrugged, opening his music files from that year- perhaps something would rock his memory.
There were surprisingly more tracks there than he had expected. He opened a random one, which was a guitar sample. Before he could open another, his phone rang and he went to find it, finding his old friend Seonghwa calling and he slumped on the bed, talking to him for a long part of the night and catching up, forgetting all about the audio and music files in his folder.
—---------------------
“Do you ever think that you’ve been replaced in another reality? That you’ve… switched with the ‘you’ of the other dimension?”
“What in the world have you been reading again?” Mingi looked up from his laptop to frown at you. “Don’t tell me you stayed up all night reading those conspiracy theories again.”
“Doesn’t it make sense?” You continued, pouting as you played with the rings on your fingers. “You remember everything because you’ve lived the same life, but at the same time, some of your memories… there’s a glitch.”
“Definitely the conspiracy theories,” Yunho muttered, not even bothering to look up at you as he worked on something, picking his mug to take a sip of his coffee. “Why are you here again? I thought you had better places to be.”
“This was ‘better places’,” you threw a pen at Yunho who scoffed. “I am unwanted. I should make myself scarce.”
“Now you realise, after like a decade of our friendship,” Mingi sighed deeply and you cursed out loud, straightening when you heard keys jingle and the door unlocking.
“Hi guys- oh, you’re here too,” Seonghwa waved at you and you smiled, waving back. “I’m just stopping by to throw my stuff- I’m hanging out with a friend tonight. Don’t wait for me at dinner.”
“Ah, we’ll have to order takeout again,” Mingi sighed again and Yunho laughed. Seonghwa stopped to point his finger accusingly at the two before rushing to his room. You looked at Yunho who was eyeing you rather suspiciously.
“What?” You challenged- you had told him you were not interested in Seonghwa like that, but Yunho seemed intent to do something about your relationship status, saying it was necessary at this point- you had been single way too long. 
“Nothing,” Yunho stifled a smile and you all waved at Seonghwa as he said bye. You looked back at Yunho. “Can you stop smiling like a clown and tell me- if you knew your memories were going to be lost, what would you do?”
“If and only if you’re writing again, I’ll answer,” Yunho challenged. You pursed your lips.
“Maybe I will.”
“Fine,” Yunho straightened, thinking. It had always been like this- you, sitting aimlessly around the two, throwing the most random questions and mostly talking to yourself. It helped straighten your thoughts out and that helped when you wrote. “So I know my memories are going to be lost, and I want to protect the cherished ones?”
“Kind of, yes,” you nodded, thinking about your dreams. “There’s someone important to you that you’re going to forget. You can’t avoid it. What would you do?”
“Maybe you wanted to forget them,” Mingi almost mumbled. He looked up from his laptop to find you two staring at him. “Just a thought, carry on.”
You made a face and Yunho reflected, saying, “That’s plausible too. But… maybe I’d keep something in case I want to remember, huh? How would that even work?”
“Maybe a journal or a picture… or an object that would remind me of them?” You mused. “But all of that’s easily manipulated. Something I would know for sure is real.”
“And you can’t rely on your memories, if they come back?” Yunho looked confused. “Because you can’t figure out what was real and what was your imagination. I read something similar once too.”
“Yeah, so what would you do?” You asked. 
“I don’t know,” Yunho shrugged. “Probably hide something that belonged to them in a place only I would know.”
“Or hide something in plain sight but decipherable only to you- if you want to remember,” Mingi contributed and you did a double-take because that was the kind of thing you would do as well. “Maybe you shouldn’t be looking too far, you know?”
“You’re kind of a genius, Mingi,” you acknowledged and he simply saluted.
“But the kind of people you both are, you’d be staring right at it for the rest of your life and never figure it out,” Yunho sighed and the two of you laughed- that was something that was definitely a possibility with you and Mingi. “You’ll have better luck hiding a time capsule. At least you could be right about the location if you ever decide to bury one.”
“But… where would I bury a time capsule?” Mingi was not fully invested in the discussion, having put aside his laptop and shifting on the couch. “I have several places in mind. Do I go digging around at each site? I’d look like a maniac”
“Think of a place special to you,” Yunho mused, relaxing back. “Some place you go to when you’re alone. A place special to you, known only to you.”
“I don’t have such a place I think,” you said, disappointed. “Probably my room is the closest to the description.”
Mingi snickered at that and Yunho shook his head, “There’s always such a place for everyone. You just gotta think.”
You did think when you got back home that night. You combed through your room, spending hours rearranging the mess in your drawers, pausing at certain objects with a smile- like the mini penguin plushie from Mingi at your last birthday or the box of stationery from Yunho which contained everything you needed whenever you were in the process of writing something- markers, sticky notes, even some words of affirmations handwritten by Yunho himself, some scolding you to stop slacking. 
Some objects made you sad as well- remnants of your childhood, of your parents, a few items making you incredibly nostalgic. But everything you owned had a distinct memory attached to it- there was nothing out of the ordinary in your room. You even searched through your laptop for any journal entries (you weren’t the type, though) or anything, but the only thing amiss was a draft for what you assumed had to be a story prompt. It was in a folder where you kept the few selfies you sometimes took. You thought it was odd that a text file was there but it had probably been because you were in a rush. You opened it and skimmed through it- some plot about a writer being a spy hired by her country to investigate illegal activities in the entertainment industry. You smiled to yourself- it wasn’t an unusual plot for you as you usually wrote crime novels, but there was a hint of romance in this one, which was new because you never wanted to add romance in your books.
You sighed- maybe you were losing it, maybe you needed to go out more. 
And when Hongjoong texted and offered to take you out on a lunch date two days later, you agreed, forgetting about the blue-haired boy that had been plaguing your thoughts recently.
—-----------------
Hanging out with Hongjoong every other day was becoming a part of your routine- meeting up for coffee in the evenings, getting dinner together a few times or just late night walks in the park when you first met him- because you lived so close to each other, it wasn’t too hard to meet up. And you weren’t going to complain- you were in a better mood these days, as observed by Mingi and Yunho.
They teased you often about Hongjoong- you hadn’t told them anything about him yet. You knew they would never let you live if things with Hongjoong didn’t turn out like you were expecting, so you teased them to bits especially when they tried guessing his name.
“Sometimes I have a feeling that it’s Seonghwa- but then… he would have told us, right?” Yunho looked at Mingi and he scoffed.
“Seonghwa wouldn’t like her,” Mingi pointed with his controller, going back to playing the video game as if he hadn’t just insulted you.
“Excuse me? What’s so wrong about me, why are you always like this?” You were whining now, poking his thigh with your feet that were sprawled over the couch and Yunho laughed. 
“I’m just saying Seonghwa knows better. You’re a mess, frankly. No wonder you’re still single- ouch!”
“Well deserved,” Yunho agreed with you this time, complimenting your aim- you had tossed a pillow at Mingi and it had barely missed his eyes. “She’s not that bad-”
“Not helping, Yunho,” you put a finger on your lips, indicating to him to shut up if he couldn’t say anything better. “Honestly? Admit it I’m better than those girls who put on this fake persona. At least I’m real. Who doesn’t like that? What if I was a stuck-up bitch who only cared about how her nails looked- oh, hi, Seonghwa.”
You didn’t mind Seonghwa now, mostly because he didn’t mind your presence, though he had been wary for the first few times you came over. He explained that it was just because he was shy but you got comfortable with each other soon- perhaps because with Yunho and Mingi present, it felt like you were all old friends.
It didn’t help that Seonghwa knew way more about you than you’d like, thanks to certain two loud-mouthed friends of yours. Seonghwa waved, sitting across from you. “You were saying?”
“Nothing,” you smiled sweetly but Yunho had other plans. 
“She’s still not telling us who it is she’s been meeting up with. She’s not even telling us if they’re still friends or more,” Yunho sighed dramatically.
“She’ll tell you when she wants to, isn’t that right?” Seonghwa winked at her and you looked at him gratefully. “You haven’t ordered yet, have you? I should ask Hongjoong when he’s coming.”
You frowned, watching Seonghwa fish out his phone and text ‘Hongjoong’. “Your friend who’s joining us today- he’s called Hongjoong?”
“Yep,” Seonghwa finished texting, looking up. You had a funny look on your face as you looked at Yunho who was following you and you scoffed.
“What are the chances?” You muttered.
“AH, so he’s called Hongjoong?” Yunho raised a brow. “Let’s wait for this Hongjoong to arrive then. Let’s not talk more about him.”
You felt a sudden thrill- was it really such a small world you lived in? And if Hongjoong really was Seonghwa’s friend… that would be a big coincidence. 
And it turned out to be right. When you spotted the familiar ‘oreo-hair’, as you titled it, you hid your face in your hands for a moment before looking up at Hongjoong, who paused and looked at everyone in the room before back at you, and then you two were laughing like madmen.
“I’m kicking them both out,” Mingi got up, laughing along as he dragged you by the arm. “Get out of my apartment, you’re scaring me with the way you’re laughing!”
“No, it’s just…” you finished laughing, wiping your eyes. “He’s the Hongjoong that I- that I’m friends with.”
“Just friends?” Seonghwa asked. “I thought Hongjoong loved you or something-”
“Shut up, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong smacked his arms. “We’re… dating. I think.”
“You think?” Yunho guided Hongjoong to sit. “You better tell us everything, the two of you.”
And so you did. You two were meeting up every other day, yes. Maybe you could call it a date, but you two found out that you preferred really getting to know each other before defining your relationship- friends, or more. And so far, you two were still confused.
“You two definitely like each other, look at the hearts in your eyes,” Seonghwa sighed dramatically. “Get a room.”
“Seonghwa, please,” you groaned. Seonghwa was one of Hongjoong’s oldest friends and you felt like you could instantly trust him- and that also made you two more comfortable with each other, as friends. “Shut up and eat.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he obeyed, taking another slice of pizza. “So you two met on the train, then by chance, found each other in the park. And now you’re dating. You should write a book. And you, Hongjoong. I bet you’ve already written a song about her.”
Mingi snickered at that and Hongjoong groaned loudly. “Let’s leave, y/n.”
“Let’s,” you folded your arms, waiting for anyone to stop you but the three hyenas were too busy laughing and eating. “I hate you all.”
“Hate is a strong word,” Mingi commented.
“I wish there was a stronger word in my head right now,” you smiled sweetly at him and then looked at Hongjoong. “You know, if you had mentioned a certain Seonghwa being your friend, I would have connected the dots.”
“I did!” Hongjoong said. “I’m sure I did… you could have mentioned Yunho or Mingi too!”
The two of you got into an argument that escalated from being bad with names to arguing about why you had memory issues recently and why Hongjoong couldn’t separate dreams from reality when you realised the three of them were quietly listening to everything.
“My god,” Mingi was the first to break the silence. “They’re just like each other.”
You rolled your eyes but smiled and for the rest of the night you tolerated your group of friends, giving in to their teasing. That’s just how it was between the three of you, and from the looks of it, Seonghwa and Hongjoong shared a similar relationship as well. You found yourself looking around, heart full- these were your people. 
You wished you all would stay like this for a long time.
When it was almost midnight, you grabbed your stuff and said goodbyes. Hongjoong was quick to get up and offered to walk you and you nodded- you two would be going to the same path anyway, at least for a while. 
“It’s a small world,” Hongjoong found himself laughing as the two of you walked through the streets. “I never expected this.”
“Me neither,” you grinned. “It was becoming a joke at this point because I wasn’t telling your name to any of them on purpose.”
“Why though?” Hongjoong sounded curious. “Because they would tease you?”
“Oh, I’m used to that, it even goes over my head now,” you shook your head. “It’s just… I’ve had a bad experience with dating- god, that sounds wrong. I just mean that dating rarely works for me, which has become an inside joke now.”
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right guy yet?” Hongjoong looked hopeful and you passed him a look but then sighed.
“I think it’s a me-problem. I’m rarely ever emotionally available. That doesn’t sit well with people- they don’t expect it from me even if I tell them beforehand. And when they do find out… it doesn’t end well.”
“I can relate to that- I’m more of the ‘physically absent’ person when it comes to dating, being always busy with work. I’ve always put work as my priority and that doesn’t sit well with people.”
“They say they understand, they all do… but they never really understand. I’m just- I don’t deal with the dramatics, Hongjoong. I hate it when someone’s being vague with me. I want to hear the truth, and I want to tell the truth. That sounds simple but that’s probably the hardest thing to do.”
“It is,” Hongjoong was nodding. “The truth isn’t always what people want to hear.”
“I think,” you were now stepping in the blocks of the tiles along the pavement and Hongjoong found it adorable that you were avoiding the lines. “I think I really like you Hongjoong. You’re honest, unfiltered, and you know your priorities. I like that. I’m just figuring out if we’re better off as friends or if we should try being more.”
“Ah,” Hongjoong’s heart did a somersault. “I kind of understand what you meant about yourself. You make it sound like it’s very simple, y/n, making that sort of a decision.”
“Isn’t it?” You stopped and turned to him, grinning. “I like you. I could kiss you right now. But if you tell me we think we’re better off as friends, I would-”
You didn’t get to complete your sentence because Hongjoong had cupped your face and was kissing you urgently, as if trying to tell you to stop thinking anymore. You got the message and brought your hands to his shoulders, squeezing them as you kissed him back, tasting chocolate from the dessert you had just before you left. You kissed him deeper, stifling a groan because he could kiss, and his hands travelling to the back of your head and cradling your neck were driving you insane.
Hongjoong broke apart, your breaths mingling as he rested his forehead against yours. “I- I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, y/n. Can we try being more than friends?”
“Of course,” your response was quick. “I didn’t realise that you liked me this much.”
Hongjoong laughed when you poked his stomach. He poked it back, drawing apart a bit and tucking your hair back. “There’s just something about you that speaks to me in a familiar way. I think we’d be good together, don’t you think so?”
You nodded. You two could be good together. You snaked your hand in his and urged him to walk with you. “Do you want to go to Sector 7 with me, Hongjoong?”
“Sector 7? What for?” He asked.
“There’s a place I need to go,” you sighed deeply. “I need to solve a mystery. And I need you with me as I do it.”
“You’re being weird,” Hongjoong teased but when he saw that you were serious, he paused. “Is this about your dreams- the flashbacks? You want to confirm?”
“Kind of, yeah,” you nodded. You had told him about your flashbacks- of a presence that you missed, of places you’ve been to or things you’ve done that you no longer had a memory of. 
Surprisingly, Hongjoong hadn’t deemed you insane. He had been nothing but a great help, telling you that it was okay, urging you to explore and find answers if it was bugging you to the point that you had trouble sleeping. Hongjoong squeezed your hand yet again, as he had so many times. “I’ll be with you.”
That night, the two of you discovered a missing piece in the long-forgotten puzzle. 
Hongjoong sat, lovestruck, in front of his PC, scrolling through some old samples looking for inspiration. He came upon an unclosed tab from days ago- those samples that he didn’t recall producing. And when he played all of them patiently, his chest tight from the intense deja vu, he couldn’t help but think that he, too, had a mystery to solve. And perhaps, going to Sector 7 with you would rock his memory. It was incredibly odd that you were going to Sector 7 because of a similar question as well- maybe you two didn’t realise it yet but you were both on the same journey, with one destination. But why- how could this happen?
How could this happen, you thought as you went through the draft that you had read a few days ago. It was starting to look less like a draft and more like a narration of events- there was the blue haired boy. He was a producer. The main character was a writer. And the blue haired boy had said something-
“Cold snowflakes wither and fall Until you bloom as a spring flower I’ll be with you-”
You hadn’t made the connection until you were showering after coming back, recalling what Hongjoong had said just before you had parted ways- ‘I’ll be with you’. It would have been a casual phrase but then you recalled seeing these lyrics in Hongjoong’s music journal- he was working on the rhythm for the song. As soon as you finished showering, you were wondering just where you had heard it before- and then about an hour later, you found it in your draft.
Could your blue haired boy really be Hongjoong? If so, what was the reason you didn’t remember him? You supposed there was only one way to find out- Sector 7.
—--------------------
You decided not to mention that you suspected Hongjoong to be your blue haired boy for several reasons. He could be pretending not to know you, which was very suspicious. He could have forgotten you as well, which was more suspicious. But you were going to be testing Hongjoong today- you were going to be watching his every move and see just what was going on.
Clearly, he was doing the same thing as you. As you two sat in the train, deciding public transport would be the best since you had no idea how long this trip would take, you both were feeling that same deja vu like the last time you shared a train journey together, and…
You both were staring at each other. Without shame.
Hongjoong was the first to give in with a nervous laugh and he brushed his clothes, running a hand through his hair. “You know… I don’t like being watched.”
“Maybe you’re just a very pretty sight to see, you know,” you were chewing gum fiercely. “Maybe I’m… memorising your face. After all, we kissed two days ago. I thought we were going somewhere, Hongjoong-”
“Stop teasing me,” he laughed, and your heart swelled when you found his cheeks flushed. Even if Hongjoong wasn’t who he was pretending to be, which you were maybe 49 percent sure was the case, he was still a very cute and handsome and sexy guy. You mentally slapped yourself for not coming up with better vocabulary as a writer, but hey, what could you say? He did render you at loss for words oftentimes. 
“Are we not going to address where we stand, Hongjoong?” You teased again, poking his shoes with your own. 
“I think…” Hongjoong scanned you and you made weird faces but he tried to be serious. “I think that I don’t know who you are, y/n.”
“Well, we never really know each other. I won’t claim I know myself either, at this point,” you almost mumbled the last part.
“I can relate to that,” Hongjoong sighed, scooting to the corner. “Why are we really going to Sector 7? And I need to hear the truth this time, y/n. You’re not giving me answers and I don’t know why I followed you- I mean, I trust you. I feel like I can trust you, but I don’t know where we are headed.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that you trust me,” you said- you really were. “It’s just… I don’t know why I’m going either. I just need to go and I need to find some answers. I need to clear my suspicions. I think I forgot something important, Hongjoong. We’re visiting a book cafe- I hope to find answers there.”
Hongjoong straightened up after hearing that. Could it be? “The book cafe at the top of the hill?”
“Ah, you’ve been there?” Now that was news to you and certainly made things more confusing.
“I think I have,” Hongjoong nodded. “I was scrolling through some old photos and found some. I don’t really recall going there, though, which is odd.”
“Well, I think you might be involved then, Hongjoong,” you said cautiously and he frowned in confusion. “Did you, perhaps, have blue hair when you went to that book cafe?”
“From the pictures I saw? Yes. But did we go at the same time?” Hongjoong asked. “Do you remember when you went there? I checked the date- I went around 2 years ago.”
“I don’t have proof that I went there, just… flashbacks,” you sighed. “Which is why I cannot trust my memory and need concrete proof. And I don’t want to think of you as the blue haired boy until I’m sure it was you. Because if you think about it… could we have known each other? Really? What is this then, mind wiping? Time travel? Alternate reality?”
“Slow down,” Hongjoong grinned.
“I might be going overboard with my imagination but I’m not crazy, Hongjoong,” you said but Hongjoong nodded sarcastically- you didn’t sound very convincing. You groaned, giving in. “Okay, yes, I’m going to prove that I’m not crazy. Why are you going?”
“To prove that I’m not crazy,” Hongjoong admitted and you raised a brow. “I found some samples that I don’t remember producing. A few photos that I don’t remember taking. And they were kind of hidden, in my own laptop, if that makes sense,” he looked at you. “As if I hid them from myself.”
“Crazy because I found a draft too,” you told him. “It’s supposed to be a story but I think it’s meant to be a narration.”
“But if we did know each other… and if we’ve forgotten- I’m entertaining this crazy impossible idea only because we’re on the train and we have time to kill,” he looked pointedly at you and you scoffed. “But… what I’m saying is that if we knew each other… the people around us would have known about us too, right? Like Seonghwa, Yunho, Mingi. But we’re all strangers, aren’t we?”
“But the timeline…” you leaned forward. “It was almost a year ago that I woke up in my room and thought that I was an alien because nothing in my room made sense to me! I told you about that- I always, always make patterns, but there were missing photos on the softboard, the room was a mess-”
“One drunken night could do wonders-”
“We’re theorising, okay, let’s explore every possibility,” you slapped his thigh and he shrugged. “I was feeling so disoriented. Didn’t something like that happen to you too?”
“It did,” he had told you about it- it wasn’t as obvious to him but he felt this intense dread for no reason. It was like he had lost something important but didn’t know. The kind of gut feeling you get when something bad is about to happen. “But it could have been a coincidence.”
“Duh, but we’re thinking of possibilities other than coincidences,” you leaned back, biting your nails as you thought. “It can’t be a past life. It could be an alternate reality but… let’s think realistically first, huh?”
“Sure,” Hongjoong laughed. “Such a realistic trip we’re going on.”
“Look, if you think I’ve lost it after this trip, we can pretend the kiss never happened and go back to being friends,” you laughed but it fell when you saw the look Hongjoong gave- like he was going to scold you. “Unless you don’t want to be friends anymore?”
You almost sank to your knees- you hadn’t entertained the possibility that Hongjoong might actually think that you are nuts and never want to see you again. But when Hongjoong leaned forward and grabbed your hands in his, you found him smiling. 
“One of the reasons I like you is because of your brain- even though it doesn’t make sense most of the time,” he laughed and you joined, feeling relieved. “I like how you think. You make me look at the world differently, y/n.”
“Yeah. The crazy pov must help a lot with producing and stuff, huh?” You said and he chuckled. 
“I just connect with you, crazy or not,” Hongjoong said. “We’re friends no matter what. We’re friends first, no matter what answers we might find ahead. Can we shake hands on that?”
“Definitely,” you shook hands with him.
“If what you’re thinking is true… it could be something ugly,” he sounded grim. “But… let’s remember this moment. I would like you to hold my hand if I want to run away, and I can do the same for you.”
“Hongjoong, you’re gonna make me cry,” your lips were quivering as you looked up.
“Don’t cry,” he cupped your face, wiping your eyes. “Let’s trust each other, okay? Let’s not hide things.”
“Let’s not run away from the truth,” you added and he nodded, kissing your forehead. “Talking about the truth, what if one of our friends knows about us but is hiding it from us?”
It was Hongjoong’s turn to smack the spot on your forehead where he had just kissed you. “You think too much, I’ll admit.”
“Ah,” you shook your head in disappointment, drawing away. “All that talk about finding my brain sexy was lies, huh?”
“First of all, I never called your brain sexy!” Hongjoong was laughing. 
“That’s how it translated in my head!”
And so, the two of you bickered and made fun of each other until you reached the station. You both had only one backpack each with a change of clothes so you were quick and anxious to get out of the train, immediately gasping at the sudden change of scenery.
Sector 7 was everything Sector 8 wasn’t. For starters, the train station was cleaner- no wrappers lying around, no drunkards lining the walls. It was all monochrome and had a retro vibe to it- but then again, Sector 7 was known for leaning towards nature and cleanliness rather than the modern mess which seemed to be your home’s staple. 
“The air feels so… different,” Hongjoong looked at you as you exited, picking a stray leaf from your hair. “Everything smells… cleaner.”
“Definitely,” you took a deep breath. “I can feel my lungs opening. I can’t believe how suffocating our hometown is. Maybe I should have moved here instead of Sector 1- at least I could have come back healthier.”
Hongjoong laughed. “Sector 1 really wasn’t much different from Sector 8, huh?”
“Yep,” you scoffed, looking at your phone for all the book cafes in Sector 7. “Just more modern and messier. Also, you should have taken a photo of the name of the cafe, Hongjoong. Really would have saved us the trip.”
“We have time to kill, don’t we?” Hongjoong shrugged, smiling. “Besides, how many book cafes could there be in one sector?”
An astonishing five was the answer. It seemed like the people here had a thing for book cafes. Sector 7 was the smallest sector but it had more book cafes than any other sector. And since it was a hilly area, you couldn’t rule out your options, and Hongjoong’s photos of the inside of the cafe weren’t helping much, though you did rank the cafes from the most probable to the least before marking the route on the map before taking the bus to get dropped off at the foot of one of the two hills that had two cafes.
“Better be one of them,” you sighed, looking up- the hill looked smaller in the photos on the internet. “That’s quite a hike.”
“I hope it’ll be worth it,” Hongjoong was mirroring your position. 
“Shush. We’re having fun whether we find something or not. That’s the plan, remember?” You smiled and he took your hand, squeezing it before following you up to the trail. 
Though the first cafe had a similar interior to the one you could see from the few pictures Hongjoong had, you decided it wasn’t the one after surveying. You did grab coffee to go and decided to rest before hiking up. You were checking your group chat with Yunho and Mingi which made you scoff internally- they were being wild.
Mingi: I hope you’re having… ‘fun’.
Yunho: Let’s not disturb her today hehehe
“What’s so funny?” Hongjoong snickered. “You know you can laugh.”
You let out the laugh you had been holding. “Just Yunho and Mingi. They can get weird sometimes, especially in our group chat.”
“Tell me about it,” Hongjoong scoffed. “We have a group chat of 6 and boy, does it get crazy. I keep them on mute.”
“Is that the one with Seonghwa? He seems… mature.”
“Mature?” Hongjoong laughed. “To you, maybe. He’s still a kid.”
You noticed how Hongjoong was smiling. “You adore him.”
“I don’t,” Hongjoong didn’t sound convincing and you shrugged. “Okay, yeah, of course I do.”
“See, that wasn’t too hard,” you stretched your limbs. “I adore Yunho and Mingi too- at times when the desire to kill them is less stronger.”
“Yeah, that’s more relatable,” Hongjoong agreed, finishing his coffee. “Do you think… if we knew each other, and one of our friends knew about us… they didn’t tell us on purpose?”
You looked at him- that was something you had discussed on your train ride too but it seemed like the possibility stayed with him. “Isn’t Seonghwa your closest friend? Has he done anything to make you feel like that could actually be a possibility? Because I was just rambling on the train-”
“I don’t know,” Hongjoong sighed, leaning forward and watching his shoes stick in the grass. He recalled the time when he found you at his place during dinner with the boys. Seonghwa had, just for a moment, looked at Hongjoong like he had found something he wasn’t supposed to find though he had been pretty normal later- a bit too normal, if he could admit. “I don’t know how I’ll feel if that’s the case.”
You took Hongjoong’s hand in yours, tracing his fingers. “You have cute hands.”
“Shut up,” he laughed. 
“No, really,” you laughed back, taking a deep breath. “Seonghwa seems like someone who genuinely cares about you. Even if he did that, which is a possibility I’m not actually entertaining, but even if he didn’t tell you about this on purpose… I’m sure he had his reasons, Hongjoong. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, right? He’s been your friend for like a decade, just like Yunho and Mingi with me, right?”
Hongjoong nodded. “If Yunho and Mingi did that to you, would you hate them?”
“I don’t think I can ever hate them. That’s how it is with friends,” you squeezed his hand. “I won’t hate anyone after finding out the truth. Maybe the only person I’ll hate is myself.”
“You should be kind to yourself,” Hongjoong almost whispered, turning towards you. “I believe you, you know. Even if we find out nothing today, even if the dots don’t connect… I believe in you.”
You couldn’t help it. You couldn’t help watching his eyes sparkle like there were more worlds to explore than the one you were in. You couldn’t help but not smile when he did, when his face shifted into warmth and loveliness, so you went ahead and pecked his lips, lingering a bit before you drew back, clearly having surprised him. Before you could regret the decision and maybe apologise, Hongjoong was cupping your face with one hand and bringing you forward to meet his lips in a proper kiss and after you recovered from the shock, you were kissing him back with equal enthusiasm, ditching your coffee to fist his shirt as you brought him closer. 
“Shit,” Hongjoong breathed as he broke the kiss, shaking his head in amusement. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”
You grinned, pulling him closer for the dramatics. “You can always back out.”
“Nah, I’m enjoying this,” Hongjoong cupped your face in both hands this time as he kissed you and you were amazed, blown by how good he was at kissing. He knew what exactly to do and you were submitting to him. You only pulled apart when you heard the faint sound of passersby but he finished with a peck to your cheek, tucking your hair behind your ear.
You stifled a smile, suddenly shy, watching him straighten his clothes and hair and when he was done, he looked at you. “Done staring?”
“Nope,” you muttered, continuing to watch him as he picked up both your cups and threw them in the trash can. “I’ve suddenly forgotten what we were supposed to do.”
“We’re hiking up, hello?” Hongjoong snapped his fingers in front of you and you came to your senses. He extended his hand and you took it, helping you get up. “Done already?”
“Done for,” you teased as you elbowed him, making him grin. “You should know that this was supposed to be a platonic investigation trip.”
“We can make it a romantic mystery trip,” Hongjoong suggested.
“Gosh, you sound cheesy,” you made a face and he laughed. “No wonder you’ve been single for so long. Whoever would tolerate such cheesiness?”
“Says you!” Hongjoong scoffed. “When’s the last time you dated?”
“Oops,” you flinched. “Does the imaginary blue haired boy count? Pretty sure I’m dating him…”
“You can’t two-time on me,” Hongjoong narrowed his eyes.
“Whatever. He’s prettier,” you mumbled.
“You don’t even know what he looks like!”
And somehow, with the constant teasing and bickering (and a few kisses exchanged to prove a few points), you were outside the second cafe- Cafe Crescent. With folded arms, you scanned the exterior- all wood and greens, and then looked at the view it provided with the outdoor sitting- you could see the majority of Sector 7 from this point of the hill.
“Pretty cool. We should have lunch here, what do you say?” You asked.
“Yep, definitely. I don’t think I can tolerate the sound of your growling stomach anymore…”
“I should just friendzone you,” you decided before urging him to follow you, ignoring his chuckles. Once you stepped inside though, you both automatically shut up.
“This has to be it,” Hongjoong was the first one to say. You agreed, and you placed your orders before surveying the inside, pretending to look at the books that lined one whole wall. There was a variety of genres that made you pleased.
“We have the more recent books in the back too,” one of the staff pointed. “Along with a photobooth, if you’re up for it.”
“Thank you,” you smiled and you two decided to eat first, in case you would lose your appetite later.
And you were right about that. After you finished eating, which was quick since you two were silent eaters, you went to the back, wowing- the back was more pastels, just like in the photos that Hongjoong had. There were two large bookshelves and some couches and the smell of coffee in the air just made it perfect. 
“I like it here,” you mumbled, scanning the shelves and scoffing when you found your own book there. “Hongjoong? Do you wanna see my book?”
“Your book is here?” Hongjoong wowed. “That’s nice.”
“There it is,” you picked it out. Hongjoong had already read your book before he knew you so he was quite surprised when he found out you were a published writer. You opened the first page and smiled to yourself- the nostalgia was strong with this one. 
“Let me see,” Hongjoong asked and you gave him the book, which he was skimming through as you went to the photobooth and saw several polaroids stuck to a softboard- of tourists, probably. You were looking at them when you felt Hongjoong tap your shoulder.
“Uhh, you might want to see this.”
You leaned forward to see what he was pointing at, surprised to find a doodle with your signature- a blue haired boy and a girl that looked an awful lot like you.
“Only I would dare to doodle in my own book, huh?” You muttered as you took the book, inspecting it closely. You skimmed through the rest of the pages, finding a few words that were highlighted in blue. “I think I should sit down and see what the random highlighted parts are about.”
“Sure, I’ll look for another book if they have,” Hongjoong offered and you nodded. Hongjoong asked the staff if they had more works or copies by that author, but it seemed like the one in your hand was the only copy they had, so he sat with you and you noted every highlighted word that came in random intervals, noticing that sometimes a single letter was highlighted as well.
It took about half an hour- and complaining about the length of your own book- when Hongjoong had the words down and he stared at the long note in confusion. 
“Forget… do… not… love… you… one… the… and what’s with these letters?”
“Do not forget the one you love?” You translated for him and he wowed. 
“You’re quick.”
“Let me see this,” you took the note from him, working on arranging the rest of the message while he fidgeted in nervousness and by the time you were done, you were looking at Hongjoong in disbelief, passing him the note to read.
“Do not forget the one you love. Your mind may forget but your heart will remember. If there is one memory you could keep it is of him. Ignorance is bliss.”
“Does this make sense to you?” Hongjoong asked, noticing the unarranged letters. “And what’s this?”
“Go ahead and figure it out. It’s an anagram.”
Hongjoong stared at the jumbled letters for barely a few seconds before he looked at you. “That’s… my name.”
“Kim Hongjoong,” you pursed your lips. “You are my blue haired boy.”
“Wait- hold up,” he stared at the note, feeling his heart sink. “It doesn’t make any sense- I… what does this mean?”
“It means I might have to look closer than I thought,” you got up, going to the softboard glancing at the polaroids. “Where would I hide something I wouldn’t want to forget? In plain sight. I might have to look through my room again, and I think you should too.”
“But,” Hongjoong stood next to you with the note in his hand. “If we knew each other, why have we forgotten?”
“Ignorance is bliss,” you quoted. “I think we’re not supposed to remember each other for some strange reason.”
“And the biggest question- how did we forget? The both of us?” He sighed. “It just… doesn’t make any sense.”
“It’s as confusing for you as it is for me,” you noticed a polaroid peeking from behind another photo- the only one not on display in the entire board. “But…” you said as you leaned forward and unpinned that photo, not expecting to see two familiar faces in the photo behind. “I… think we have concrete proof now.”
The photo was a selfie of Hongjoong in blue hair with you sporting bangs that you had some two or three years ago. Hongjoong looked at you in disbelief and then at the photo- it looked like he had a hard time processing all of this. He handed you the photo and muttered something about getting air, leaving you inside the cafe. 
You stared at the photo- it was taken at this very photobooth, and dated the same as the pictures Hongjoong had. Hongjoong and you were cheek to cheek, grinning like idiots. Idiots in love, you thought, smiling to yourself despite the absurdity of the situation. You turned the polaroid, not surprised to see your writing on it. 
“To the love that I may forget, I hope we find each other again. 
P.S.: Contact Lee Sunmi.”
The name sounded familiar and you wondered where you had heard of it before. You put the photo in your pocket and took your and Hongjoong’s stuff, placed your book back on the shelf and found Hongjoong sitting on a bench at the edge of the hill, wiping his face. You could understand how he felt- you had been entertaining so many possibilities for a while now, but he probably hadn’t thought it could be real- and the fact that he was involved in this and had forgotten you too…
You joined him on the bench, staring ahead at the sun setting. You let a few minutes of comfortable silence pass before you showed him the backside of the polaroid. 
“I knew you were familiar from the moment I saw you. I have never, ever opened up to someone in such a short amount of time as I did with you. And I think it’s because it was so easy,” Hongjoong said, “It was so easy being with you. As if I had known you for a long time.”
You nodded, scooting closer and then hesitating. “You can back out, Hongjoong. If you don’t want to learn the rest of the truth-”
“No- I want to. I want to remember you, y/n,” he looked at you, his hair falling over his eyes. “I want to know why I had to forget someone I loved. I want to know who it was that took me to Sector 7, who took me places I don’t remember going, who made me create music that I don’t remember composing. I want to know why I woke up one day and felt like something had been snatched from me.”
“You don’t know if you loved me, though,” you smiled. “You could have hated me.”
“I think I’m sure,” he smiled back, eyes glazed. “I wouldn’t be taking a picture this close with someone I hated,” he waved the photo and you laughed. 
“Well then,” you shivered as a cold crept up your spine. “Do you think us meeting again was fate or a planned coincidence?”
“I’d like to find that out, too,” he sighed, taking your hand. “I know it said ‘ignorance is bliss’ and we might be diving into something dangerous because let’s face it- who possesses the power to wipe memories? That’s insane and the only two things I can come up with are both realistic and bullshit.”
“The government, realistically, or something supernatural, which might be bullshit?” You asked.
“Exactly,” he took a deep breath. “You’re a writer. I’m a producer. Have we ever worked for the government?”
“Not that I know of…”
“And are we interesting enough to the supernatural?” Hongjoong made a ridiculous face. “I don’t think so.”
“Maybe I am,” you pouted.
“Shut up,” Hongjoong laughed. “Either way, let’s explore the realistic option first, even though it might be less probable than a supernatural event…”
“Look who’s talking crazy,” you grinned. “You’re turning into me!”
“I need a detox day after this trip,” Hongjoong said and you elbowed him. “Who’s this Lee Sunmi anyway?”
“Let’s look into that first,” you said and he agreed.
—----------------------------
Everything had changed, yet it felt like you were fitting into each other like a puzzle long forgotten.
You both had decided not to tell any of your friends for two reasons- the obvious one being that the situation was unbelievably ridiculous, and second… the gnawing fear that they knew all along and were pretending.
You both had no idea who Lee Sunmi was and you couldn’t risk asking people so you decided to work this out at a tolerable pace- visit places together in hopes that you’d get your memory or fragments of it back, visiting each other’s place and going through old photos together- you were together in none of them.
Visiting Hongjoong’s apartment was an experience- it didn’t rock any memory nor did it feel familiar, but it was just a strange feeling visiting your boyfriend’s apartment for what was the first time but wasn’t really. He told you that he practically lived in his studio at the place he worked so you should probably visit that. 
For Hongjoong, he found your apartment unusually familiar. He hadn’t recalled much from his past, and he was afraid that his memories would get mixed up with what he would be conjuring up in his head now. He was relying more on you who often got dreams but you both decided not to believe everything you dreamt of. So when Hongjoong stepped in your apartment and nostalgia hit him like a truck, he had to pause and take a seat.
“I think I know what your room looks like,” he looked at you. 
“You could have just said you wanted to see my room, but that’s okay too,” you teased and he rolled his eyes, following you into your room. 
“I… expected it to be more coherent and organised, I’ll admit-”
“You’re not wrong,” you told him. “I woke up one day to this-” you motioned around. “Like, look at this,” you showed him the softboard which had a few notes of your current work in progress and a few photos. “I’ve always created patterns- in colours, or sizes, or shapes. This looks like I stuck things wherever I found space.”
“Something I would do,” Hongjoong grinned. “So that was your first clue that something was wrong? I would have dismissed it as being high.”
“Yes, that was my first concrete clue,” you glared at him. “And turns out I was right. I also have this draft here,” you pulled your chair and made Hongjoong sit on it in front of the pc while you opened the document standing near him. “The narration I told you about, practically hidden in plain sight. I have no memory of writing it- and no, I don’t write when I’m ‘high’.”
“I believe you,” he placed a hand around your waist casually to assure you, though it sent butterflies in your stomach. You took a breath before showing him the clues in the document. 
“It sounds like a plot for a crime novel, I know, but my life’s been starting to feel like that too. This is practically my villain origin story- I’m one step closer to losing it everyday.”
“Me too,” Hongjoong mumbled, skimming through it and frowning. “But this isn’t as unbelievable as it looks. I work in KQ entertainment, right? One of its subsidiaries had rumours of trainees going missing but there was never any concrete evidence to prove the case.”
“Really?” You frowned. “So if what I wrote is true, I was a spy hired to investigate that? But I’m not a spy, and even if I somehow managed to get that job, how come I forgot everything?”
Hongjoong shifted towards you, his hand travelling down your arm absently as he looked up at you. “If it was just one of us, it could have been an accident, but it’s the both of us, apparently. Which means, somehow I was involved. Was I a spy too? Were we rivals? Did you get close to me to access the industry-”
“Which is the plot of every other movie these days,” you laughed. “But I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to start an actual relationship with you if that was the case. I would have just seduced you-”
“Hey!”
“For a one night stand or something,” you laughed. “Come on. I wouldn’t make a dumb spy!”
“And how exactly would you have managed to seduce me?” Hongjoong’s voice was dangerously low as he asked, pulling you towards him and you put a hand on his shoulder to hold steady. “I’d like a demonstration.”
“I think you are easily seducible- you did approach me on the train first,” you teased.
“Yeah. I totally found your half sleeping figure the sexiest,” Hongjoong made a face and you slapped his shoulder, grinning. You trailed a finger along his face, from the temple down to the jaw, tracing it until you reached his chin and tilted it up, making him face you properly. 
“You were saying?” You asked, letting your finger trail down his throat, down to the collar to draw circles on whatever skin you could see. You met his eyes and found his eyes glazed with something unrecognisable and it was almost too much- god, the way he sometimes looked at you. You could feel your entire heart sinking into your stomach. 
“Don’t look at me like that,” you tilted his face so he could stop looking at you but he held your hand. 
“Like what?” He pulled you over him, making you sit on his lap. “Like this?”
He was perfect. His black and white hair was the most perfect mess you had seen and you couldn’t resist the urge to run your hands through his hair, finding it incredibly soft. His hands found home at your waist and when he hooked his thumbs under your shirt, you shut your eyes for a second, relishing the feeling.
“You make me feel overwhelmed when you look at me like that,” you admitted. “Not in a bad way, not at all, but… it feels like-”
“I look at you like I’m in love, don’t I?” He asked, leaning into your touch as you caressed his face. “I look at you like I’m falling in love all over again. Because I am.”
“Hongjoong,” you almost groaned but he shook his head.
“You look at me like that sometimes too,” he kissed your palm. “Like you’ve known and loved me all your life. I love it when you look at me like that.”
You kissed him then, to tell him he was right. He was absolutely right- you had loved the blue haired boy even when you had forgotten him. And when you had met Hongjoong, you had felt like he was the one. His hands on your waist tightened as he kissed you back, slowly, trying to understand everything you were saying through the kiss. And when you broke the kiss, lingering before drawing back, Hongjoong was chuckling.
“I don’t think you’re capable of mere seduction, y/n. You’re capable of making people fall for you.”
“Are you saying I suck at seducing?” You challenged, pushing him back into the seat and surprising him before putting your arms around his neck and kissing him differently this time- more passionate, more hot, more rushed and Hongjoong’s hands travelling all over your body only fueled you into sitting right on top of him and moving to the rhythm of your kiss, grinding on him until he moaned into the kiss.
“What do you have to say now?” You broke the kiss, laughing but Hongjoong had picked you up, making you squeal. He placed you on the bed gently, a devilish calm in his eyes as he pushed you back, drawing on top of you ever slowly and trading open mouthed kisses before travelling down your neck and taking his sweet time, making you whimper but you couldn’t move. He had your wrists pinned on the sides.
“Hongjoong,” you groaned and he changed character, planting gentle kisses up your neck to your cheek.
“You good?” He asked.
“Never better,” you smiled and he smirked, drawing back to push his rolled sleeves back, licking his lips. 
“What am I gonna do with you, y/n?” He ran a hand through his hair, scanning you. 
“What are you gonna do?” You asked naively.
Hongjoong narrowed his eyes. “What did the intelligence agency ever see in you to hire you as their spy?”
“Maybe I seduced my way there,” you joked and he laughed, putting a finger over your lips. 
“No more talk about seduction for the rest of the night,” he was right in front of you and found himself tracing your lips. You brought him closer for a kiss and soon you were on top of him, his hands under your shirt as you two made out, gasping into the kiss when he pushed himself on you, making you feel everything. You were going to take off your shirt when you paused, eyes widening in realisation.
“Hongjoong! The intelligence agency- Wonderland Intelligence Agency!”
“God, you scared me,” Hongjoong put his hands on his face. “What about it?”
“Lee Sunmi- I have a card somewhere,” you got up from top of him and started searching frantically around the room, leaving Hongjoong confused but he watched you in amusement as you tried searching for whatever business card you had.
“For someone so organised, you sure know where you put the business cards,” Hongjoong commented and you ignored him- where had you put it? You moved to the table and looked into the pencil holder, scoffing.
“Aha!” You waved it in front of him, walking back to the bed. “I found this in my pocket on our first date. Remember the woman we bumped into that day we went to the concert?”
Hongjoong looked at the business card. “How do you know it was her? I don’t remember her passing you this.”
“I’m guessing it’s her- I always put my hands in my pockets and I had empty ones when I left that day. When she went inside, she patted my shoulder like this. She must have slipped this inside then.”
“Wow,” Hongjoong sat up a little. “This does have her email, but can we contact her? Can we trust her?”
“She recognised us, didn’t she?” You asked him and he nodded slowly. “It sure looked like she did. She didn’t like seeing us together.”
“Yeah, I remember that. I say we should take the risk for some answers?”
“Not right now- I’ll need to do some research on your company,” you bit your lip. 
“Not my company, the subsidiary- they separated from us some two years ago, I think. That’s the last I heard of them.”
“That’s good,” you nodded, letting Hongjoong caress your hand as you processed all of this. “So let’s just… relax?”
Hongjoong laughed, pulling you closer, back on top of him. “I love it when your eyes light up like that- when you connect the dots.”
You went back to a memory- the blue haired Hongjoong caressing your hand, the two of you on what looked like a bus and he whispered something in your ear.
You smiled. “You’ve told me that before, Hongjoong.”
“Yeah, earlier?”
“No, before,” you kissed him. “You held my hand just like this and you told me that you loved it when my eyes lit up when I connected the dots.” You kissed him again, resting your forehead against his chest, half seated. 
Hongjoong was running his hand through your hair when he realised you were shaking. He squeezed your shoulders before drawing you back, wiping your silent tears. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
You took a deep breath, feeling utterly broken in the moment, feeling like Hongjoong was holding all your broken pieces in his hands. “I don’t like this, Hongjoong. I don’t like it that I forgot you. I don’t want to know why I did- I feel like it’s going to be something that’s going to break us. It's been chasing me all day long, all night long- I feel so lost.”
“It’s okay,” he kissed your forehead, hugging you and rocking you back and forth. “I know what it feels like. But y/n… I feel like we won’t find peace until we find the truth, no matter how bitter it is. And I know we’d like to think that the past won’t affect us now, but it will. So let’s just enjoy what we have now, huh? If it’s too much, we can stop.”
“No, you’re right,” you sniffed, wiping your face. “I’m just afraid to lose you again.”
Hongjoong smiled at that, finding it unbelievable that you two didn’t remember losing each other but knew exactly how it felt like- in your hearts. “I don’t want to lose you. I can’t,” he caressed your face. “I don’t think I can stay away from you no matter what the truth is.”
You let him kiss you then, throwing the card away- that could wait. For now, you were going to let Hongjoong make you forget about all your fears, make them dissolve with each kiss, each touch. 
—---------------------
Hongjoong regretted setting up a date to meet with Lee Sunmi.
Over the past few days, while he had been working on getting more information on the subsidiary company that went under investigation, called AG Entertainment, he had only found speculative articles on the internet about the missing trainees but nothing concrete. He was mostly letting you create theories about what could have happened but it wasn’t enough. And then one day, Seonghwa asked Hongjoong how his relationship was going.
Hongjoong had to do a double-take. It was a casual question, yes, but these days he was doubting everyone and everything.
“It’s… good. It’s great, actually,” Hongjoong laughed a bit. “You’ve met her a few times, right? Do you like her?”
Seonghwa had never been good at hiding his emotions and the way his eyes flashed, Hongjoong knew in his gut that he was aware of something. “Yeah, she’s…. Nice, I guess. A bit weird at times but we all are.”
“We all are,” Hongjoong agreed. “When I’m with her, it sometimes feels like I’ve known her for longer.”
Seonghwa raised a brow at that. “That’s… that must mean you’re good for each other.”
“She said she feels like it too- like she’s known me for a long time, like we’ve met before,” Hongjoong continued, watching Seonghwa fidget with the pen in his hand. “I suppose with some people, it’s like that, right?”
“Yeah, I suppose so,” Seonghwa agreed, getting up from the table. “I’m heading out to get some groceries. You’re working?”
“Yeah,” Hongjoong watched him get his things and just when he was about to leave, he stopped him. 
“You won’t hide anything from me, right?” Hongjoong asked and he saw realisation cross across his face. “Just tell me if you’re hiding something from me. Because no matter what I think, I believe you wouldn’t hide it from me unless you had a big enough reason to. Bigger than our friendship.”
“That’s right,” Seonghwa patted Hongjoong’s shoulder. “I would only hide something from you if it meant more than our friendship.”
That was all the confirmation Hongjoong needed. He nodded, smiling in appreciation. “Thanks, Seonghwa. I’m glad you’re my friend.”
“I’m glad you trust me,” Seonghwa smiled back, nodding slowly as he processed. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Hongjoong. I really do. It may be dangerous, but… I hope you do.”
With that, Seonghwa left and Hongjoong wondered just what he meant by that. 
And somehow, one thing led to another and he found himself in the same cafe that he went to, on his first date with you, now waiting for who was supposed to be an intelligence agent. He hadn’t dared to send a mail or anything, no. He just thought he would come and check if this was Lee Sunmi’s regular coffee stop.
It looked like it was. Just around that time in the evening when he was expecting her, she came dressed in a suit, and Hongjoong watched her get coffee. When she turned, she met eyes with Hongjoong, almost ignoring him until she saw that he was maintaining eye contact on purpose. Hongjoong raised his hand to confirm that he was waiting for her and he watched her sigh and look around before walking to him.
“This isn’t a safe spot to talk. Get in my car.”
“And I’m supposed to follow you?” Hongjoong asked and she smirked.
“You did wait for me. It’s up to you, Kim Hongjoong.”
Hongjoong shook his head at that, asking her to lead the way and she started driving. She let a few minutes pass before she asked what he wanted with her.
“First of all, why did you slip your card into y/n’s coat?”
“I saw you both together, after years,” Sunmi smiled. “I was quite shocked. It didn’t look like you both recognised me, though.”
“We didn’t,” Hongjoong confirmed. “What do you mean ‘after years’? When was the last time you saw us together?”
“A year ago,” she said, making a turn to the left.
“When was the first time you saw us together?”
“Two years ago,” she answered. 
“So are you going to tell me what this is about, or should I just ask questions?” Hongjoong asked, sighing as he slumped back, wondering how to steer this conversation. 
“Does y/n know you’re here, Hongjoong?” Sunmi asked and Hongjoong looked at her, not answering. “That means you must have recalled something that you couldn’t tell her.”
“I’m not actually sure if what I recall is a memory or just my imagination,” Hongjoong sighed. What he recalled a few days ago wasn’t a pretty memory. It was ugly, with a certain someone pointing a gun at him.
Sunmi drove to a park, stopping her car and reaching into the back to get some documents from her backseat pocket. “I started keeping this here in case I ran across one of you. It’s the ugly truth and how it started. I can give it to you, but… it’s not yours. It’s y/n’s truth. If I give it to you it will only create misunderstandings.”
“Then just tell me… how was I involved in all of this?”
That night, Hongjoong didn’t come home. Sunmi had assured her it wasn’t the whole truth and was just what the WIS, specifically her who was in charge of this case, could tell him without violating your privacy. To him, it was a bit too much to process. He sat in front of the river all night, arranging his thoughts.
Y/n. Writer. Spy. AG Entertainment. Human trafficking. Government involved. Hiding the truth. Memory wipe.
And all he could conclude was that he was involved because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. 
It was your mission. Only you had to forget- and only about the mission. Somehow, he had found out, which had created a mess. How did he know you? Did you really approach him because of your mission? Unfortunately, Sunmi did not have the answer for that.
The next day, when you woke up, you sighed when you checked your phone and Hongjoong hadn’t even read your messages. This wasn’t new, though. He had been a bit distant for a few days, and you wondered if it was just because he needed a break.
Or you feared that it could be because he recalled something bad. Because you knew whatever happened, it must have ended in a tragedy. If you and Hongjoong were in love, having to forget each other was a tragedy- and you still didn’t have the answers. 
You fiddled with the business card of the WIS agent. Could you contact her now? What would you even ask her? Would she even tell you, or would she make you forget everything again? Was this a test, her slipping the card so you would call her, so she could wipe your memories again? You had no idea. And with Hongjoong not responding to any of your messages from the past whole day, you were worried.
You asked Mingi for Seonghwa’s number and texted him if he knew where Hongjoong was, but his reply made you worry- he hadn’t been responding to him either, and he wasn’t at the studio yesterday. Apparently Seonghwa had stopped by Hongjoong’s place last night, but he wasn’t home and Seonghwa assumed that he was with you. 
You told him that you would stop by his place today. You still had time before you needed to clock in for work, so you made a stop at Hongjoong’s apartment, but he wasn’t there. 
“Just let me know if you’re safe. Seonghwa is worried too.”
With that, you went back home and absorbed yourself in your work, forgetting about everything for a while- maybe he was just taking a breather. It would be understandable.
That night, Seonghwa got a call from Hongjoong, asking if he could stop by his place. Seonghwa asked Hongjoong if he had let you know that he was alright, but he hadn’t. So with a text to you that Hongjoong was back home and presumably alright, Seonghwa stopped by his place with chicken and beer.
“Ah, just what I needed,” Hongjoong said when he opened the door and Seonghwa smiled. “Not you, obviously. The chicken and beer.”
“Right,” Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “You look like a mess.”
“I feel like shit, yes, thank you for noticing,” Hongjoong slumped down on the couch, watching Seonghwa set the table. When he was done, he looked up at him.
“Are we gonna talk?”
Hongjoong told him everything then- starting from the day he met you at the train to his meeting with the WIS agent. By the time he was done talking, Seonghwa had to take a few minutes himself. 
“I never thought it was that deep,” Seonghwa phew-ed. “But you’ve got most of it wrong, Hongjoong.”
“What do you mean?”
“With the story you have, you must believe y/n is the bad person here.”
“Well, she did point a gun at me,” Hongjoong shivered. “She threatened to kill Jaebeom too- you remember him. He was my supervisor at that time.”
“He worked with AG Entertainment, and if he was involved in the whole trafficking business… he must be in prison now.”
“Well then, her business was with him, right?” Hongjoong frowned. “Why involve me?”
“You really think she approached you on purpose?” Seonghwa scoffed. “Didn’t you say that agent saw you both together some two years ago? You and y/n first met more than three years ago, Hongjoong.”
Now that had Hongjoong’s full attention. “How do you know that?”
“Because I’m the one who introduced you to her, you fool,” Seonghwa threw a pillow at him and Hongjoong let it hit him. Was he hearing this right? 
“So you’re telling me,” Hongjoong shifted towards him fully. “That we might have known each other before that job?”
“Yes,” Seonghwa nodded. “The agent saw you two together two years ago. She didn’t tell you when she approached y/n, so there’s that. And since I introduced you both, I’m pretty sure she wanted nothing to do with musicians and producers at that time.”
“Wow,” Hongjoong sighed deeply. “How did we meet?”
Seonghwa smiled, telling him about the time Wooyoung hosted a party and invited a bunch of people from town. Knowing Wooyoung, half the sector was present. Wooyoung and you were high school classmates so that’s how Seonghwa got to know you, and while they had been chatting at the party, Seonghwa had introduced you to Hongjoong, knowing you two would get along. “I had no idea you two would get along that well. You both ditched the party and went ice skating or something. You came back with bruises but you were lovestruck.”
Hongjoong pursed his lips, trying to wrack his brain for any sort of a flashback but he got none. He buried his head between his knees, sighing. “I just wish I can remember it all, Seonghwa. I feel it in my heart that I’ve loved her for a long time, yet… there’s also this sense of dread that’s stuck with me.”
“I think you didn’t know about y/n’s job, and you must have felt betrayed, that’s why,” Seonghwa thought. “Think about y/n too. If she got this job without knowing you were involved… she might have found herself in a situation with no way to get out. A number of possibilities and since your memory is coming back, I know you two will be fine and will sort things out. What I don’t understand, Hongjoong, is why the mind-wiping was necessary.”
“Sunmi only told me that it was because the government got directly involved, but I don’t know what that means,” Hongjoong looked up. “They could have signed a confidentiality agreement or something. Were we test subjects? Because I remember that the mind-wiping thing wasn’t an actual possibility until a few years ago.”
“That’s why I said it’s dangerous to dig,” Seonghwa started cleaning the table. “It’s fine if you stick with just finding out about your relationship without digging into the matter. What if they do something again?”
“Why did they not wipe your memory then? Or y/n’s friends?”
“Yunho and Mingi were studying in Sector 1 back then, so I’m not sure how much they know. It looks like they don’t know about you being her boyfriend but they’re aware y/n dated. As for me… I had to sign a confidentiality agreement with Ms. Lee. I wasn’t in the equation until I noticed how you forgot about y/n one day entirely. I noticed someone following you and somehow met with Ms. Lee who explained a bit and let me go because apparently, the situation had already gotten a bit out of control and she didn’t want to risk any more people. She also said that unless the memories came back naturally, which she hoped would happen soon, trying to force these memories might cause brain damage.”
“Wow,” Hongjoong blinked. “Brain damage. Just what I needed.”
“Hey,” Seonghwa slapped his arm. “Your memories are coming back naturally, so just relax.”
“I don’t know how to face y/n though,” Hongjoong hid his face in his hands. “I went behind her back because of that memory and met with Sunmi. We promised to share whatever memory we could recall, yet I couldn’t tell her this. And I don’t know if I’m sure about what happened between us.”
“Maybe, like Lee Sunmi said, you should talk it out with y/n and meet with the agent to get the documents on what happened. Then connect the dots.”
Hongjoong agreed but all he could think of right now was your smile fading when you would learn what he had done.
—---------------------
Two more days had passed with Hongjoong not showing up, only a text from Seonghwa to assure you that he was alright and just needed some time to himself, and the last thing you were expecting anymore was to find a package on the door that contained documents from Lee Sunmi.
Your first instinct was to tell Hongjoong, but you had some qualms about that now. You understood that Hongjoong needed space and you were almost sure he had recalled some memory which had caused the sudden rift between you two, which made you wonder just how bad it was. Well, if the government was involved, it must have been bad. 
You had recalled a lot of memories too in the past few days. You recalled meeting Hongjoong at a party where apparently, Seonghwa introduced you two. You remembered that party- it was more than three years ago. So you thought that there was a chance that Seonghwa knew about you two all along and Hongjoong had found out about it. It was why you let the boys have their space- perhaps they were sorting things out.
You also recalled the first time you saw Hongjoong at his workplace and you hid out of instinct- you hadn’t realised that he was involved in your mission. You hadn’t realised that AG and KQ Entertainment were connected- Hongjoong worked at KQ, and you had forgotten. You had gotten yourself in a mess. You remembered that now. 
So when you saw the document from Sunmi, you wondered if Hongjoong should be present. What if the truth was really, really ugly? What if, after learning everything, Hongjoong wouldn’t want to be with you anymore?
With that fear in your heart, you mustered up the courage to open the document and empty its contents- a letter, a file and a USB. you opened the letter first and read its content:
Hongjoong has learned his truth. It’s time that you learn yours. I’m sorry for all that went wrong with this mission, and I’m sorry for involving you both. I hope you and Hongjoong can learn the entire truth and learn from it, and find in your heart forgiveness and love. Sincerely, Sunmi.
Hongjoong had learned ‘his’ truth? Had he met with Sunmi? You scoffed in disbelief- he was avoiding you on purpose. You wondered what happened to the promise you two made about sharing each memory you would recall and going through this together. 
You decided to go through the file first- it had basic information on you, on why you were selected, what the mission was, and what exactly had happened. Surprisingly, it had no information on why Hongjoong was involved, and after reading the whole thing and going through the USB, heart pounding wildly as you went through everything that had something of Hongjoong in it- old video files, audio files, even Hongjoong’s data- after that, you didn’t need any more answers.
You remembered exactly what went wrong with that mission- and it wasn’t about the case you were investigating. It was about Hongjoong.
That night, you couldn’t sleep. Your waking hours were all filled with your memories coming back, fragment by fragment, head throbbing crazily. You were so dizzy that you didn’t remember calling Seonghwa- you don’t know why you called him, but it felt like he was the only person you wouldn’t need to explain anything to. A few minutes later, you opened the door to Seonghwa. 
“Shit, y/n, you look like a mess.”
“I feel like shit, yes,” you confirmed, brushing your clothes, and he laughed to himself, recalling how Hongjoong had said the same things. “Do come in. Did you bring some painkillers?”
“You should eat something first,” Seonghwa looked around your house- he had been there before, but he wasn’t sure you recalled it yet. “If you have ramen, I can make some killer ramen.”
You agreed and watched him go through your kitchen like he knew exactly where everything was. “You know… I never told you where I lived, yet you knew exactly where to come. Pretty sure Hongjoong didn’t tell you my address.”
Seonghwa paused in the middle of cooking, looking back at you. “I don’t know. Maybe Yunho or Mingi did?”
“Come on, you can stop pretending like you don’t know me, Seonghwa,” you laughed out loud, crazily enough that he watched you the whole time until he was laughing along with you. “I don’t know why I forgot you- you were my friend. My… comfort buddy- is that what I called you?”
“Here to pick up both your and Hongjoong’s mess,” he shook his head, taking the ramen off the stove. “You really remember me?”
“We’ve known each other longer than I’ve known Hongjoong,” you said, spreading your arms and he came forward to hug you, rocking you like you remembered he always did. Then you slapped his back harshly, making him wince. “That’s for all that acting you did around me. 100 points for that. You should try a career in that.”
“I couldn’t risk damaging your brain,” Seonghwa pouted. “I’m sorry, though.”
“That’s okay,” you two sat at the table. “I’m sure it was hard for you too.”
“I missed you, I really did,” Seonghwa’s eyes were sincere and you didn’t doubt it. “When I saw you that day at my apartment, I thought you knew everything and came to kill me.”
You laughed. “I didn’t, but I felt like you were involved somehow too. Thanks for being there for Hongjoong though- is he okay?”
“Well… for the most part, yes,” Seonghwa urged you to eat. “Why did you call me?”
“You must remember Sunmi,” you asked and he nodded. “She sent me everything about the case. I remember… everything now, I think. There are some gaps but I have enough for now.”
“Oh,” Seonghwa whistled. “Hongjoong met with her.”
“I knew it,” you nodded. “What does he know?”
“I told him about how you two met,” Seonghwa said and you nodded. “He recalled the day everything went wrong- you pointing a gun at him.”
“Oh god,” you slumped back. “I need a drink.”
“No, you don’t,” Seonghwa scolded. “What exactly happened, y/n?”
“Can you call him here right now?” You asked and Seonghwa looked at you.
“Are you sure?” Seonghwa asked. “Do you want me to leave when he comes?”
“No, I want you to stay, because if you don’t, I might kill him,” you pursed your lips and Seonghwa frowned in confusion. “He’s the one who involved himself, Seonghwa. We were never supposed to forget about our relationship. He just came at the wrong place, wrong time, and he misunderstood everything. He didn’t let me explain anything. He went ahead and told Sunmi he knew everything about the mission, and they talked it through and he made the decision that he wanted to forget about me too. He decided he would forget about me, which meant I had no way of getting my memories back. He stole my choice, Seonghwa.”
Seonghwa stopped eating, watching you finally break apart and bury your head in your arms as you cried your heart out. He let you be for a few moments before he went to sit next to you, rubbing your back. It all made sense to him now. He made you eat the rest of the noodles and take the medicine. 
“You need to sleep it over tonight, y/n,” he insisted. “We can all talk tomorrow.”
“I don’t know,” you were dizzy after all the crying. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
“I can call Yunho and Mingi over too. They should know- they’ll help you out a lot, y/n, you really should tell them. They are your best friends, and they still think you made all of that up when you said you were dating.”
You laughed a bit at that. “Might as well have. I don’t know if I can handle telling them everything.”
“I’ll brief them,” he assured you and you nodded. “I’ll ask them to go easy with the questions- I’m sure they’ll have a lot of them.”
“Please,” you groaned, wiping your face. “Can you call them over then?”
Seonghwa nodded. It looked like you weren’t going to get to sleep any time soon. He called the two over, and made you sit in your room while he explained everything, but you felt a bit better so you joined them, letting Seonghwa do the talking. By the time he was done and you showed them the pictures of you and Hongjoong, they looked like they had learned that the world was ending tomorrow.
“I can understand, but at the same time… I got none of this, I’m sorry,” Mingi gave up, getting up and roaming around in the living room and you were almost amused. “First of all, whose genius idea was it to make her a government spy? She can’t even hide when she has a crush!”
“Hey!” You threw the nearest object- your lip balm- at him which he caught. “I did my job right!”
“She was hired because of connections, wasn’t she?” Yunho was going through your file. “Sunmi knew you from when you worked on your book.”
“Ah, no doubt,” Mingi sat down. “She isn’t spy material, just hired because of connections. That makes more sense.”
“She approached me because of the job, read that right,” you kicked Yunho’s leg. “It says my research capabilities from the time I wrote my political crime novel were noteworthy.”
“Whatever,” Yunho mumbled. “I’m going to need 5 business days to process this.”
“And I need 10,” Mingi sighed. “Why did your memories come back?”
“Two reasons,” you said. “Sunmi did a bad job intentionally- she messed with the numbers so her bosses can think it actually happened, but I guess she saved the day. She also thought Hongjoong was making a mistake, because my plan was to go through the mind wipe and have Hongjoong fill in the gaps for me. Sunmi told me I was going to have to forget Hongjoong since he was involved. I think she told me that on purpose- she didn’t like how the government was using us.”
“She’s an angel,” Seonghwa sighed. “Is she safe, though? If the government learns-”
“I think she has leverage,” you thought. “Which is why she sent me all of this. If the world learns that their political leaders were taking advantage of minors who went to AG Entertainment to become trainees… that’s going to destroy Wonderland.”
“I know what your next novel needs to be about,” Mingi scoffed and you shook your head furiously. “You should! It’s going to be like rubbing it on their faces.”
Somehow, the conversation got steered into jokes and teasing, and with that, you found yourself sleeping on the couch, Seonghwa dozed off on the other couch. Yunho and Mingi made sure to take some snaps before they decided to crash on your bed, messing up your room just to annoy you, which they would have an earful about the next day.
Later that day, Hongjoong agreed to meet you by the river- the same place he had gone to. He realised it might have a connection to you too. When he saw you, eyes a bit swollen but still looking pretty, he sighed internally before walking to you.
“Hey,” he pursed his lips, not knowing how to greet you.
“Hey yourself,” you scanned him. “You ghosted me for days.”
“I’m sorry,” he sighed, sitting next to you on the bench. “I shouldn’t have.”
“You shouldn’t have a lot of things, Hongjoong,” you started. “Are you ready to hear the whole truth? Or do you still believe what you know is the entire truth?”
That was a jab but Hongjoong thought he deserved it after all. And then he heard you out. How you had met Sunmi through your crime novel. How she made you a job offer that had none of the memory wiping in the contract. How you were supposed to befriend Jaebeom, the producer from AG Entertainment and get access into the building and investigate. It was when you and Hongjoong had dated for a year already. You had no idea how KQ and AG were connected, and Hongjoong hadn’t taken you to his studio yet. How he did take you to his studio and it was the first time you two had taken things so far.
“Do you remember that, Hongjoong?” You asked with a faint smile. “I always said you looked hot when you worked.”
“I remember that,” Hongjoong wiped his eyes. “You were so beautiful that day, y/n.”
“You were my first, and you were quite good at it, frankly,” you said and you two laughed for the old time’s sake. “I never knew studio sex could be this hot.”
“Please, you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into,” Hongjoong laughed and you slapped his arm playfully. 
“I wish we only had these happy memories to remember,” you sighed after a few moments. “When I saw you at AG, do you have any idea how shocked I was? Do you have any idea what went through my head? All I could think of was what if you were involved? And then I slapped myself because I knew you, Kim Hongjoong. I knew, I believed you would never do something so disgusting.”
“Thanks for believing in me,” Hongjoong sighed, feeling guilt. 
“It was hard lying to you, but I passed you so many hints, hoping you would know what to do. It wasn’t supposed to go wrong in so many ways, Hongjoong. First, I found out the politicians were involved. And when my bosses found out, they struck a deal with the politicians. They decided to bury this under the rug, which meant I had to forget about everything that I worked on. The greater good, they said. I think it was also because they needed us to be lab rats for their latest memory wiper,” you mocked. “So what could I do? I decided to go along with it. I would have to forget you, I learned. I made sure I left something so I could recall my memories one day…”
“With me,” Hongjoong finished and you nodded. “You had prepared me for that day.”
“Yet…” you sighed. “I think it was my fault. It would have been too much for you. You couldn't possibly comprehend the whole situation- no one could have. But then one day, Jaebeom called me to AG, pissed to learn about what happened. And he called you too, knowing it would break us. He threatened to kill you if I didn’t make it, so I called Sunmi ahead. When I reached there, me and Jaebeom fought- I fought for my life, for yours-”
You hid your face in your hands, shaking as you recalled that night. The fear that had gone through your bones when he said he would hurt Hongjoong, his threatening voice- you could still feel it ringing in your head. Hongjoong was quick to scoot closer and put his arms around you, holding you as you tried to steady your breathing.
“I snatched the gun from him and pointed at him,” you sighed. “That’s when you came and misunderstood everything. You believed whatever shit Jaebeom spewed because he was the one defenceless, posing as the victim. I can’t get that look out of my head when I saw your trust in me break.”
“I’m so sorry, y/n,” Hongjoong squeezed your hand. “I remember that.”
“I don’t blame you, Hongjoong,” you shook your head. “You knew nothing about what was going on. Whatever I tried to explain to you at that moment, it must have gone over your head. And last night, I wanted to kill you after I learned the whole truth, honestly,” you laughed a bit. “But now… I don’t blame you. You did what you had to.”
“I was an ass, y/n,” Hongjoong shook his head. 
“You were,” you nodded, smiling. “You exposed yourself to Sunmi which meant she had no choice but to wipe your memories too. And you were so willing to wipe your memories of me. My last hope, gone, just like that. I woke up without knowing what to do. But I think we have suffered enough, the both of us, haven’t we?”
Hongjoong looked up, tears falling down from his face. “I… I really shouldn’t have done that. If you can believe me, I’ve been beating myself over it for the past few days.”
“I know,” you sighed. “But now… we know the whole truth. And I can understand if you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”
“Why would I not? I can understand if you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore,” Hongjoong laughed nervously, wiping his eyes. “It was my fault, all of it.”
“It wasn’t any of our fault, let’s just blame the WIS for messing us up. I just don’t like how you didn’t trust me. Not then, not now. You went ahead and talked to Sunmi on your own. What does that say about us, Hongjoong?”
Hongjoong sighed deeply, getting up and you thought he was about to run away but then he was sitting on his knees, in front of you, holding your hands. “That time, and this time… it wasn’t you that I blamed. It was me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I recalled the memory of you pointing your gun at me, asking me to just listen to you. Even though the memory painted you as a villain, I knew, in my heart, that you meant no harm. Just like I knew at that time. I made the mistake of rushing to Sunmi, both the times. I learned what I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry for that. I blamed myself for not being there for you. I felt like shit when I learned everything.”
“No, Hongjoong,” you cupped his face. “I should have told you from the beginning. I shouldn’t have used you like that. I understand now why you acted that way- if I was in your shoes, I’m pretty sure I would have done much worse. If you recall… I’m the more impulsive one.”
Hongjoong shook his head. “You’re only blaming yourself, aren’t you? We both messed up, y/n. Whatever happened simply wasn’t supposed to.”
You nodded. He continued. “I missed you so much. You’ve been my best friend, my everything for so long. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”
“No,” you cried. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner. I should have done better, I-”
“Don't blame yourself, please,” Hongjoong got up, making you stand so he could hug you. It was like you were in the past at that moment. “I don’t want to see you in pain anymore.”
You hugged Hongjoong back, wrapping your arms around his waist and before you two knew it, you were both crying into the hug. Crying for all the memories you forgot. For the ones you recalled. For the ones that might be lost forever. When you drew back, Hongjoong wiped your face and kissed your forehead.
“I can understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore,” Hongjoong looked like he was in actual pain as he said that. “I’ve broken your trust. I’ve let you down.”
You scanned his face. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”
You took him home and showed him the files and then the USB which had all of your digital memories stored. You both spent the whole night recalling everything, just like old friends, eating ice cream through the bucket, filling the memory gaps for each other. Hongjoong had most of his memories back too.
“I heard from Seonghwa how he told you about the first time we met,” you smiled, searching through the files again and opening the photo of you and Hongjoong wearing ice skates, clinging on to each other for support. “We ditched the party and messed around all night.”
“I’ve never done that,” Hongjoong laughed. “I rarely go to parties. I think going to that party was the best decision I made in my whole life.”
“And I rarely ditch the party with a random stranger and stay out until dawn,” you countered, smiling. “The 3 am hour does something to us, doesn’t it?”
“Our first kiss,” Hongjoong smiled. “We decided to try being friends first because we both believed the 3 am hours make us do weird things, but…”
“We really sucked at staying friends,” you laughed, pushing your hair back as you looked at him- you were sitting across each other on the couch, the laptop on the table. “Do you think we could stay friends now if we tried?”
“I think you think that I can’t keep my hands off of you,” Hongjoong raised a brow.
“I know for a fact that I can’t,” you looked at the clock. “Gosh, it's 3 am again.”
Hongjoong laughed. “Should we really be making such decisions at 3 am?”
“I don’t know,” you pouted. “I say fuck it-”
Hongjoong was quick to climb across the couch and capture your mouth in a kiss, drawing back to check if it was okay with you. You pushed him back, showing him the ice cream bucket still in your hands, placed it on the table and cupped his face, kissing him back, his arms immediately wrapping around your waist as he brought you on top of him. The intensity of the kiss was different, this time with those long forgotten memories and emotions resurfacing, trying to hold yourselves together, trying not to break apart because what happened to you two was sad. 
When you did draw apart for breath, you hugged him, burying your nose in the crook of his neck. “I don’t want to forget you ever again, Kim Hongjoong. You’re the only one for me.”
Hongjoong groaned in relief. “I’m glad… I’m glad that you forgive me.”
You drew apart, slapping his arm. “I still think you can be a major ass, but… I think we can work this out. What do you think?”
Hongjoong tucked your hair behind your ears, caressing your face lovingly. “I think… I think we were meant to be with each other, really. After all, we found each other again, didn’t we? On a train from Sector 1, of all the places!”
You smiled. “Does that mean we are meant to be?”
“Maybe,” Hongjoong smiled. “Shall we try and find out?”
You kissed him as your answer. You could definitely try again.
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bvidzsoo · 4 months
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Drive to Survive
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⫻Formula One Racer!Hongjoong⫻
TW: nothing, except similarities to the 2021 season lol
Word count: 3,273
A/N: So, I did something, again...*sigh*. This is for you Orsi bestie, I hope it reaches your expectations lol. This is like the 2021 F1 season without the injustice---anyways, I'm not here to get murdered by the F1 fandom, love y'all. Can't believe I wrote a Red Bull driver story, ew lol. Hope you all enjoy, and feedback is appreciated!!
            It had been a gut-wrenching and nerve wrecking season this year’s fight for the championship. At times, I couldn’t help but wonder how Hongjoong was doing it all—keeping his mental health in check and letting loose at times while completely focusing on winning first place as many times as he could, securing himself in the Driver’s Championship. It was truly difficult. The car was very good, everything having ran smoothly after the summer break when a few final adjustments and changes had been done to the automobile, making the Red Bulls the quickest on the grid. However, Kang Yeosang, his biggest rival at the moment sat in an equal machinery, closely following Hongjoong on his tail. Each Grand Prix resulted with the two battling for first position in the driver’s standings, sometimes resulting in disqualifying the other by an incident—or in worst case scenario, by crashing into each other. Watching Hongjoong’s car get almost flipped as it went over Yeosang’s car had been one of the most horrific moments of my life, heart clenching and heartbeat halting as my breath caught in my throat, eyes wide in terror as all I could do was watch my fiancé through the screen of the TV, unable to do anything as I was seated between the mechanics in the Red Bull garage. It was an involuntary action as I jumped up to my feet with a loud gasp, everyone tense around me as we watched Hongjoong’s car glide over Yeosang’s, getting halfway suspended over it. Nobody moved nor breathed. I could see Yeosang moving as the camera zoomed in on them, thankfully he seemed to be fine, the halo around the car having protected his head from anything severe, but Hongjoong still gave no signs of life. I could feel my hands tremble as I looked at the mechanic next to me helplessly, who’s face looked just as worried as mine. And then, there came the shout from someone who stood next to Hongjoong’s engineer, letting us know that Hongjoong spoke on the radio and said that he was fine, slightly sore. Everything that happened afterwards was a blur, my head felt in a haze as Hongjoong was taken to the local hospital for a regular check-up to make sure he suffered no serious injuries. I was rushed to the hospital with him and after he was taken to a private room to rest for a bit, I was finally allowed to see him. I couldn’t help but let out a long sigh and pause in the doorway as Hongjoong was lazily flicking through the TV channels, probably searching for the one broadcasting the Formula One race still on-going. Upon hearing the door open, he turned his head and looked at me, features instantly softening when he saw my face. I couldn’t help but rush up to him and almost fall into his arms as he had opened them, waiting for me to reach him. The tears escaped my eyes involuntarily as I buried my head in Hongjoong’s neck, inhaling his familiar scent mixed with sweat. Hongjoong’s arms wrapped around me tightly and he started rubbing up and down my back, resting his chin on the top of my head.
“I’m alright, don’t cry.” He whispered, voice soft and I sniffed, my body finally relaxing. He was fine, he was holding me in his arms. He was breathing, talking, and hugging me. He was alive, and that’s what mattered, “I’m sorry for scaring you this much. The crash wasn’t as harsh as it seemed on TV, I’ve seen the replays.”
I shook my head and allowed my hand to raise to the back of his head, fingers tangling in his smooth hair, “Hongjoong, it looked horrible. I—I was so scared. I don’t ever again want to see you get into a crash. You have to be more careful, let Yeosang pass if you see he’s being aggressive—”
“That won’t happen, darling, you know I can’t let him pass.” Hongjoong’s voice hardened slightly at the mention of his rival, “If he wants to race hard, then we will race hard, I’m not the one to back down.”
“Look where it got you!” I pulled my head back, eyebrows furrowed as I stared into Hongjoong’s cat-like eyes. His own eyebrows were furrowed but he just sighed, averting his gaze.
“I’m alive, Y/N, it’s all that matters.” I couldn’t help but shudder at his words and Hongjoong noticed, face instantly morphing into regret. I couldn’t even fathom the thought of losing him to a fatal crash. He wouldn’t be the first, nor the last. Formula One was a dangerous sport, and your life was the only one at stake, “Sorry.”
Hongjoong muttered and I just shook my head, letting out a long sigh. He offered me a warm smile as he cupped my cheek and leaned down, pulling my head closer to his. My eyes fluttered close as Hongjoong’s warm lips pressed against mine and he kissed me tenderly, pouring an apology and a promise into the kiss. He was sorry, and he’d be more careful. I could live with that, even if I knew Hongjoong was a ruthless racer, fearless. His driving style set him apart from everyone, sharp in the corners and quick on the straights, not many could catch up to him. His defense was crazy and he always found the impossible spots for overtakes, making them possible, halting everyone’s heartbeats who were cheering for him. He was exceptional, legendary. People knew his name. People loved him and rooted for him. Some people even wanted to be him…or to be with him. But Hongjoong is a humble man, proud of what he has achieved so far and even more hard working and determined to earn more and more. And he is loyal, loving, and caring. Always by my side and on my side, shielding me from blind hatred and senseless drama. He had everything he wanted and needed, many envied him for that. Yet, Hongjoong only had one goal in his mind: win his first Championship. Become the Captain everyone seemed to be calling him, leader of his generation, an icon in motor racing. And all I could do was stand by his side and encourage him, bring him up when he felt like he couldn’t go anymore, comfort him when things went south and most importantly…love him for who he was. I smiled into the kiss as Hongjoong started rubbing my cheek lovingly, reassuring me that he was here and that he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
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            But the game never stops nor does the race, not until the season ends. And today was the final Grand Prix, in Abu Dhabi, the last race which would go down in the history books, often talked about, always remembered. Yeosang and Hongjoong had equal points. However wins tonight, becomes the World Champion. It would be Yeosang’s second, and Hongjoong’s first title. The tension was palpable in the air and everyone in the garage was tense as everything was set up for the race. Hongjoong was placing his weight from one leg to another, jaw clenching and unclenching often. He looked mad, but he was only nervous. I knew him well, I could read him like the back of my hand. He was wearing his dark blue undies, the color specific to the Red Bull Racing team, with his overalls hanging low on his hips, the sleeves tied around it to keep it more in place. His costume was tight fitting, accentuating each muscle and curve of his body, his abs slightly defined by the shirt he was wearing. He had recently dyed his hair a darker purple, but it has faded out and now looked closer to the color of a grape. I watched from distance as he spoke to one of his mechanic’s, eyebrows furrowed and pointing at something on the car. He was frustrated, grip tightening around the Red Bull can he had to drink water from in order to show off the sponsor. The mechanic seemed to be a bit lost and I could see Hongjoong’s frustration morph slowly into irritation and anger, so I decided to step in quickly as I walked up to them. I allowed my hand to sneak up on his shoulder and squeeze lightly in order to get his attention. Hongjoong looked at me from the corner of his eyes before sighing and looking at the mechanic defeated.
“Fine, do as you think is best, but if I lose tonight—know it’s on you.” And then Hongjoong walked off to his PR manager, who was calling for him as he had to do one last interview before the race would start. The mechanic looked rather pale as I looked at him and offered him a small smile.
“He’s just very stressed, he didn’t mean that.” I reassured the mechanic, but it didn’t seem to work so I tried again, “Hongjoong will win tonight.”
“Yeah, he better.” The mechanic muttered before walking off and I went back to my seat, watching Hongjoong again as he spoke to the reporter, still looking irritated but hiding it well with a few charming smiles and light chuckles. I tried to keep it together for him, but I was a nervous wreck. The last three nights have been almost sleepless for the both of us, Hongjoong tossing and turning every few minutes as sleep never caught up with him. I would’ve been able to sleep, but I quickly absorbed his mood and it turned me restless too, leading to a few really bad nights as Hongjoong and I had to sleep in separate rooms, too on edge around each other. There was nothing wrong, it’s just that we were too in tune with each other’s feelings, and if I was feeling anxious it could throw him off his concentration and turn him into a nervous wreck as well, in such dire situation, such thing like that wasn’t allowed. Hongjoong had to fully commit and focus, his eyes set on the prize already. As he finished the interview he quickly pulled on his dark blue overall and zipped it up, headed my way. I smiled at him warmly and he stopped across from me, the high table between our bodies putting a distance between us. He fumbled with his fingers and I knew he didn’t know what to say, he was just in need of a little comfort. So, I reached across the table and held his hand in mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. No words needed to be exchanged as Hongjoong sighed loudly, Yeosang’s laughter echoing around the garage as he had passed by the Red Bull garage with his engineer and two mechanics. Yeosang seemed to be dealing a lot better with tonight’s stressful Grand Prix, but we paid him no mind as Hongjoong rounded the high table and came closer to me, fingers intertwining with mine. The cold Ruby of my engagement ring pressed into my flesh and I felt Hongjoong play with it, a habit which always seemed to calm him down a bit. I beamed up at him and it made Hongjoong smile as he leaned down, pressing a kiss against my forehead. I sighed in contentment as he pulled back, determination glossing over his eyes. There he was, my little racer.
“I love you.” I whispered to him as Hongjoong smirked, pulling his shoulders back and letting go of my hand. He shook his arms out and cracked his neck, going to the side to stretch as he sent me a flying kiss, making me giggle.
            The loud roaring of men around me deafened me for a few seconds, mouth hung open and eyes wide like two saucers as I stared at the TV screen, my heartbeat probably non-existent at this point. My hands were shaking, my body was shivering, my eyes were filling with tears. My stomach was twisting and despite standing up, my right leg wouldn’t stop bouncing. My arms were thrown behind my head as I gripped onto my nape, biting my lower lip as anxiety coursed through my veins, adrenaline flowing in my bloodstream. All throughout the race it has been a cat and mouse game between Yeosang and Hongjoong. One time one was ahead, then the other, constantly battling for that first place. I couldn’t imagine what Hongjoong was currently feeling, but I knew I was on the brink of passing out. The cheers of the men around me were due to Hongjoong overtaking Yeosang in the second to last corner, having braked later. It was the last lap of the Grand Prix, everything mattered right now. Every little twitch of the wheel, a little slip of the car or of your attention. I couldn’t help but yelp as Yeosang gained advantage on Hongjoong again, the front wing of his car almost bumping into the back of Hongjoong’s as Yeosang drove aggressively, but Hongjoong defended just as fiercely. Hongjoong’s brother was a mess next to me as he kept cursing, their parents clutching each other’s hands as Hongjoong’s mother kept closing her eyes, muttering a prayer every once in a while. His father despite looking composed was shaking worse than me, eyes constantly wide as he gazed up at the big screen of the TV. My breath caught in my throat as Yeosang and Hongjoong took the last turn, Yeosang’s car slightly more ahead in the corner as he Hongjoong miscalculated the turn for some reason, and a collective gasp broke through the garage as Yeosang was now more ahead with his front wing. Nobody moved, nobody said anything as the cars sped towards the finish line, checkered flag waved crazily in the air, everyone excited for the outcome. And then, Yeosang’s car slightly lost its back, but it wasn’t anything vital as he quickly regained control and continued on pushing as if nothing happened. However, this allowed Hongjoong to slightly pass him, his front wing passing Yeosang’s, cars dangerously close side by side as they raced towards the finish line. And there it was, the victory right in front of their hands as they both crossed the finish line, seemingly in the same position, neither more forward nor backward than the other. I felt my body go limp as everyone went quiet, even the commentators, awaiting for the result. The picture came only seconds later, sent in by the race juries, broadcasted upon everyone’s screens as I could hear Hongjoong’s engineer scream into their radio from his place from the pit wall.
“Hongjoong!  You’re World Champion! Kim Hongjoong, you have won!”
And then, everyone screamed and jumped up, female and male voices mixing together as the grandstands broke into a roar of Hongjoong’s name, the fireworks going off and putting an end to this exhausting season. I barely realized, mind in shock and body frozen mid-yelp, as my body was lifted off the ground and I was whirled around as Hongjoong’s brother clutched me, cheering loudly as both of their parents cried. I couldn’t help but follow them, bawling my eyes out as I started laughing, Hongjoong’s brother carefully placing me down as the mechanics and the Red Bull team gathered in a circle and started shouting, hyping themselves up even more. My ears were ringing but I couldn’t really care about that as the TV showed Hongjoong’s car stopping at the finish line, Hongjoong hauling himself out of the car. My feet were moving before my mind could process what was happening, the mechanics ran through the pit and jumped over the fence as they ambushed Hongjoong, cheering and gripping onto him as he struggled to take off his helmet. I stood by the fence, wiping my tears away as Hongjoong’s brother jumped over and offered to help me over as well, his own hands shaking as he took my shaky ones in his. As my feet landed on the ground again, my eyes went to Hongjoong as he was down on his knees, forehead touching his car, body shaking. He was crying, I knew he was crying and it made me cry again as I consciously now walked towards him, his mechanics and team making space for me as I called out his name, my own raspy voice foreign to myself. I haven’t even realized I have screamed so much tonight until now.
“Hongjoong!” I called out again and he was suddenly up on his feet, sobs erupting from his mouth as his body collided against mine harshly as we ran up to each other, his arms caging me against himself in a bear hug, swaying us side to side as he continued sobbing into my neck, my own tears flowing heavier than they have been. All tension lifted from my body as I clutched onto my boyfriend with desperation, finally feeling the well deserved happiness and contentment wash over myself as I squealed, starting to jump up and down, making Hongjoong mirror me. He was laughing as he let out a loud shout of satisfaction, grabbing my thighs and bringing them around his middle as I yelped and held onto him tightly, getting whirled around as Hongjoong shouted loudly. I couldn’t help but laugh and press a messy kiss against his lips, our mouths unable to stop smiling as I felt love, adrenaline, happiness mix together and create an euphoric feeling in my brain and body.
“You’re a fucking World Champion, Kim Hongjoong!” I screamed and he threw his head back and laughed, mouth pulled into a wide smirk as his hands tightened around my thighs, “You are the World Champion!”
Hongjoong let out another deep shout as he swiftly placed me down on the ground and was instantly tackled into a tight hug by his brother then followed by their parents, the four of them huddled together as they celebrated briefly the victory of their beloved Hongjoong. And I couldn’t help but look around and take in the crowd, everyone ecstatic as they watched Hongjoong and the Red Bull team, jumping up and down and chanting his name. Proudness swelled in my chest and I pressed a hand against my heart, taking in a deep breath as I made eye contact with Yeosang, who had the tiniest smile on his lips as he stood to the side, leaning against the fence. His eyes glinted with proudness and he nodded at me with a grin as we made eye contact, making me break out into a huge smile. He knew the feeling, he was in Hongjoong’s shoes last year. It warmed my heart that despite their rivalry, Yeosang could still show some silent support towards Hongjoong. They’ve been racing together since a fragile age, deep down, both of them cared about each other, but in a sport like Formula One, such as friendship on the grid didn’t exist.
“Kim Hongjoong!” I heard the voice of the reporter boom through the speakers loudly, “First time World Champion! Takes the crown and bears its victory!”
And then I found Hongjoong’s eyes again and we grinned at each other as his trophy was carefully passed to him, Hongjoong’s hands clutching it tightly and carefully as if he was afraid anyone would try and take it away from him. But nobody could, because he was Kim Hongjoong, Red Bull Racing driver, first time World Champion. The first obstacle in his long journey had been just conquered, making way for many more to come. For many more victories to commence, happy and painful memories to follow. Kim Hongjoong, the Captain.
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Masterlist (divider)
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i-luvsang · 9 months
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bitter(but mostly)sweet — kim hongjoong
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1.2K MILESTONE EVENT ☆ OPEN gn!reader , hurt/lots of comfort , cw : pet names (baby, love), crying, reader has an anxiety attack, reader is lowkey nonverbal for a little bit (disclaimer! all this is based off my personal experience with anxiety, just remember we all experience it differently and that we are all valid in those experiences <3) , wc : (almost) 1K , eee tysm for requesting sweetest ❄️ anon hope you find some warmth in this winkwink
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the moment hongjoong lays eyes on you, he knows something is off. the sight of you sitting at the desk in his room, hunched over school work isn’t anything uncommon, but the far-away look in your eyes and the sharp furrow of your eyebrows sparks worry in his mind. his eyes drift down to see the nervous fiddling of your hands and bouncing of your leg. 
he sets his bag down on the floor, gently, as to not startle you, but the sound still pulls an almost imperceptible flinch from your body that he doesn’t fail to notice. you turn your head to look at him, trying to smooth the rough, telling features on your face to cover up your anxious heart. but you can already see the worried crease between his brows as he walks over to you, footsteps falling softly across the room and you wonder if you’ll be able to keep your tears at bay if he keeps looking at you like this.
casting your eyes down, you sigh and begin to chew at your bottom lip. even when he crouches beside you and turns the chair away from your computer to face him, you do what you can to avoid his gaze.
“baby…” he starts softly. “what’s wrong?”
you just shake your head, not wanting to voice your anxieties out loud. his eyes are drawn to the incessant rubbing of your hands against one another, your nervous energy clearly building along with the tears in your eyes.
he says your name with all the gentleness that he can muster. “can i touch you? is that okay?” your only immediate reaction is a sharp inhale, so he keeps his hands on the chair rather than grasping your hands the way he wants to. he can tell you’re debating in your already crowded mind. “you can say no, my love” he reminds you. “just wanna hold your hands if that could help you.” at that you nod. “that’s alright then?” you nod again. “baby… can i hear it? if not, that’s okay, i just wanna be sure.”
you bite the inside of your cheek and take a deep breath. your voice is barely a whisper when you affirm, “yeah.. that’s okay.”
“good job, baby,” he whispers under his breath, then lets his hands make their way towards yours. first, he gently pulls them apart from each other, worried about you scratching or hurting yourself accidentally. when his hands wrap around yours, he immediately feels the way you tighten your fingers around his, as if grounding yourself in his touch. that’s when he hears your sniffle, your eyes still avoiding his gaze.
“i’m here now, baby. it’s alright, okay?”
you nod again, finally letting a tear fall. “i just– i can’t–” you cut yourself off with your own uneven breathing. you feel like you’re gasping for air as you attempt to explain to hongjoong your frustration and fears due to how overwhelming school has been lately, but that breathlessness is making it difficult. hongjoong, as always, is quick to notice, and slowly, as if silently asking permission stands and begins to pull you into his arms. hastily, you wrap your arms around him and bury your head in his torso. his hands reach your back and the back of your head, providing calming strokes as you allow yourself to cry into his embrace.
he comforts you softly with his words too, "sh, sh, you're okay now. we’ll figure it out, okay? it’s alright.” he repeats many sweet words like a mantra, his voice as grounding as his loving touch. when your tears subside, he gently moves your arms from around his waist, crouching down again to be face to face with you. you let your arms fall over his shoulders instead, and finally let your gaze wander to meet his. “there you are,” he offers you a soft smile, and you do your best to return one of your own.
“thank you, joongie,” you whisper, voice hoarse from crying.
“of course, my love.” he pulls you into one more hug, your head tucked into his shoulder this time. “let’s get you some water and something to eat, yeah?” he suggests, noting the empty granola bar wrapper on the desk.
“okay,” you nod, still anxious to do anything but your work, but aware that a small break and sustenance will certainly help you. hongjoong pulls you up with him, keeping your hand in his as he leads you to the kitchen. he lets you stick close to his side as he prepares a quick meal of leftovers for you, pressing a firm kiss to your forehead when you sit down at the table. it’s mostly quiet as you eat, but his presence is more than enough comfort for you.
as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, he clears and washes your dishes for you without a word. you hesitate by his side once he’s done, aware you won’t be able to sleep well without getting more work done, but desperately wanting to just go to bed in his arms.
and he proves once again how well he knows you when he pulls you into another hug, right there in the middle of the kitchen.
“let’s go finish one assignment for tonight, and we’ll make you a plan for tomorrow, okay?” he says into your hair. you nod into his embrace, ever grateful for each ounce of care and love he pours out for you.
“love you, joongie,” you mumble, hoping that smile you’re imagining is sitting softly on his lips.
by the way he replies with “i love you too,” you can hear the bittersweet smile in his voice, the one that means he’s glad you’re alright now but wishes you never had to cry in the first place.
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