#know that 'healthiest couple' does not necessarily mean healthy or perfect - just comparatively healthy to the other ships - i seriously do

[upsidedog]

truly not that deep, not that big of a deal, no ill will, but posts along the lines of “lumax is the most healthy couple in stranger things” are super common and i kind of really don’t like them.

more than anything it just feels like a blatant misread of their relationship. like they definitely aren’t toxic or anything, but they are literally broken up in season four, they objectively have things they need to work on. and that’s fine btw! that’s part of what makes them interesting! easily one of the my favorite parts of lucas on the line was lucas contentiously failing to understand max’s grief and feeling resentful towards her because he couldn’t. this was because despite his frustration he still loved max, he still tried to connect with her. he will never fully understand her grief, he will learn how to accommodate it eventually, but even by the end of season four they aren’t really there yet. and that’s special, that’s interesting, that’s a flaw in their relationship worth exploring. it’s kind of like by ignoring their flaws you’re saying there’s nothing to be discussed, when really they are like one of the relationships most worthy of discussion.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

I know I asked you about relationships on the show before, but while I watched SOA tonight, I found myself wondering what your take is on Gemma & Unser’s relationship? Because I feel like it was quite one-sided. I believe Unser cared for Gemma (he does say in a later season that he’s in love with her, which I always find to be messed up) but I feel like Gemma just didn’t care much for him, unless she needed him for something (like she does with most of the characters she’s relationships w)

Oooh, I’m so glad you asked about this because I’ve always found Gemma and Wayne’s relationship very interesting, but I haven’t really spoken about it before. 

Firstly, the important thing to remember when discussing any of Gemma’s relationships is that she is completely incapable of love, at least in regards to the way most of us view love. There’s no disputing that she loved many people - JT, Clay, Nero, Jax, Thomas (her son), her father, Tara, Abel, Thomas, Wayne and I would even argue that she loved Wendy and other members of the club such as Tig, Bobby, Chibs and Juice. However, the narcissistic nature of Gemma’s personality means that she’s completely incapable of pure, selfless and unconditional love. I think I’ve discussed it in other meta’s before, but even with Jax - who is arguably the person she loves most in the world and whom she claimed to love from “the purest deepest part” of her soul - she cannot be selfless. Her love for Jax was still centred upon her own needs and what he could do for her. She even admitted that much in a conversation between her and Jax where she said that after Thomas died she took all the love she had for Thomas and forced it onto Jax, essentially putting immense pressure on Jax to be her everything. It was exactly the same with Abel and Thomas, she fixated on them and tried to overshadow Tara and prop herself up as the boys’ mother, despite the fact that she was their grandmother. She fought against Tara tooth and nail to stop her from taking them out of Charming, and that is just proof that Gemma was incapable of selfless love. Anyone that truly loved a child would never wish for them to stay in the kind of life they were caught in whilst living in Charming. In season 6, those two young babies were in the clubhouse minutes before it exploded and was completely obliterated. They were constantly in danger and the fact that Gemma wanted them to stay in that hostile, toxic and lethal environment just so she could keep them close shows how selfish her love was. 

But onto the point of your ask - Gemma and Wayne. Romantically, their relationship was completely one-sided. Wayne was clearly in love with Gemma throughout the series, although he rarely admitted it aloud. There were moments where Clay suggested his feelings for Gemma extended beyond friendship, even Gemma did on a couple of occasions, he was also jealous over Nero and then later admitted to Gemma that he was in love with her. When he chose to die with Gemma in season 7 instead of living without her, that was conclusive proof that he was in love with her. I actually always thought Wayne being in love with Gemma made perfect sense and I’m glad it was included in the show. It’s a love that was never thrown in our faces (which I appreciate), but that always had echoes throughout the series and I feel that it was a very realistic take on what it is like to be in love with someone that doesn’t love you back. Unrequited love is tragic, and in Wayne’s case, it’s not just tragic because it was unrequited love, but because Gemma didn’t have the capacity to ever understand, appreciate or return his love. The reason is because where Gemma is incapable of pure love, Wayne isn’t - he loved Gemma completely and there was so much proof of that throughout the series. When you consider how well Wayne knew Gemma (I believe Wayne knew her better than anyone, which even Gemma said in season 6) and the fact that he knew the deepest, darkest parts of her and still loved her… that alone is very telling of how unconditional that love was. This is particularly evident when you compare Nero’s love for Gemma to Wayne’s - Nero never truly knew who Gemma was, because that more ruthless, violent side of her seemed to be more muted or suppressed when she was around him. Whereas Wayne saw the ugly parts of her and loved her regardless. Unfortunately for him, as I’ve already said, his love was wasted on a woman that didn’t have the capacity to return it. However, I think Wayne understood that Gemma could never love him the way he loved her, but that didn’t make a difference to him. Her friendship still meant a lot to him, and he never demanded or expected anything from her. Wayne loved her the way we expect people to love one another - selflessly. It’s never really discussed or brought up, but Wayne must have been in constant pain to have been so close to a woman he was in love with knowing she would never love him the way he loved her. That’s a very painful thing to live with, and he could’ve easily walked away to try and get over her and move on, but he loved her so much that he was willing to push his own feelings aside, in order to completely devote himself to Gemma. That again, is another testament to his love for her. 

Although Gemma was never in love with Wayne and incapable of ever loving him in that way, I do believe that Gemma loved Wayne very deeply as a friend. He was the only constant relationship (outside of her immediate family) that she maintained across the series and in fact, it was probably one of the healthiest (although still not completely healthy, but it’s impossible for any relationship involving Gemma to be healthy). Yes, Gemma often went to Wayne when she needed him for something, but that’s true of many of the relationships on the show, even the ones that were built on love. I don’t necessarily think that diminishes their bond, because there were plenty of scenes between them that were just the two of them talking or supporting or comforting one another. Out of all the relationships Gemma was involved in on the show, her relationship with Wayne was the one that involved the least emotional blackmail, manipulation, lying and general selfishness. To my recollection she never turned on him, she never fought with him (at least not seriously) and she never did anything to deliberately or maliciously hurt him. Wayne did a hell of a lot for the club and was severely mistreated and took forgranted by them, and in my opinion, Gemma was the only one that actually cared about him. To everyone else in the club, Wayne was dispensable, particularly after he stepped down as Sheriff, but I don’t think he was to Gemma. If Wayne had been killed earlier on in the series, especially if it had been at the hand of the Sons, I think she would’ve found that incredibly difficult to deal with and I even believe she would have done everything she could to prevent that from happening. She almost had a protectiveness over him, and I think where Wayne was in love with her, she perceived him more to be a brother of sorts. 

I actually think Gemma and Wayne’s friendship is one of the most underrated on the show. We know that they’d known each other since they were children, so they clearly had a very close bond that stretched back decades. There’s no doubt that he knew her better than anyone because of how long he’d known her and the fact that he was one of the people she trusted most. Gemma kept so many secrets that I lost count, but she never seemed to lie or hide as much from Wayne as she did from the other characters. In season 2, he was the one she trusted with her rape. I know he found her so some could argue that it was coincidental that he found out, but I still think that the level of trust she had with him meant that she felt comfortable with him knowing more so than she would have with anyone else. In many ways I think Wayne was actually Gemma’s center of gravity, because he was the most “normal” out of everybody in her life. Wayne was a calming presence and he helped her to see reason. I’d also argue that he was one of the few people that was genuinely not afraid of her, and that meant that he also wasn’t afraid to be brutally honest with her and tell her when she was wrong. Gemma really needed that because she’s a naturally impulsive and reckless person that will immediately jump to the extremes, instead of taking a step back to analyse a situation and decide on an appropriate course of action. Wayne was a constant source of support in Gemma’s life and probably the most reliable. All of her other relationships constantly went through their ups and downs, but her relationship with Wayne never really faltered. I think that’s also perhaps why it seems like she only goes to him when she needs something - because she often did, because she knew when she was at her lowest ebb, desperate and alone that Wayne would be there for her without question. 

So those are my thoughts on Gemma and Wayne’s relationship, I hope you found it interesting and it gave you some food for thought where they’re concerned. I definitely think they’re one of the more interesting dynamics on the show and as an individual character, Unser is one of the most overlooked and unappreciated characters on the series. He did so much for the club (without him they wouldn’t have even survived in the early seasons), he made so many sacrifices, endured so much pain and he never received any gratitude or love, and ended up dying at the hand of a man he had protected for years all for the love of a woman who did not even deserve his love.