Repaired.
This is “Loved.“ pt. 2
Summary: Two weeks had passed when you decided to turn on your phone again. And it was a good decision because if he hadn’t called you that night, you wouldn’t have gone back.
Word count: 3.2k+ (whoops)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: poly!ateez x neutral!reader
Warnings: depression, blaming, lots of crying (let me know if I missed something) be careful while reading.
Notes: it is time muahaha this is part two to “Loved.” I hope you will enjoy it just as much as the first part and I hope it meets your expectations hehe prepare for a lot of emotions. I usually try to include every member equally in poly fanfics but I had to put a few focuses here.
Taglist: after the cut (let me know if you wanna be added)
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The dorm had not been the same ever since you had left. The first few days had been pure horror, every single one of them could feel the pain of your absence with every minute. Even when they tried to find comfort in each other, it didn’t take long for their thoughts to go back to you. They were down. Powerless. Numb.
It was like someone ripped their hearts out. But not only once. Because every time they remembered that you left, they also remembered that it was their own fault. When even Yunho decided to skip their regular dance practice, the management realized that they had to do something. After three days of forcing them to work, the group fell into a strange rhythm.
Their apartment had never been tidier. But that wasn’t a good thing. Cleaning was the only thing that Seonghwa could do to keep you out of his mind, to avoid falling into this empty black hole and crying till late at night. And the others would have been worried if they weren’t so absorbed into their own worlds.
Hongjoong didn’t even come home anymore, always blasting loud music on his headphones to overpower the loudness of his own thoughts. The tracks that had been emerging from his studio were nothing but heart breaking. It was either a soft, flowing sorrowful melody or the heaviest beats and drums to which he screamed out the anger he felt at himself.
Wooyoung wasn’t much different. He hadn’t left the dance studio in days. He didn’t even allow himself to sleep on cushions, sleeping on the hard cold ground of the studio instead. He wanted to remind himself of how you must have felt, sleeping in their empty apartment while they were having fun with someone else. Every night he lied awake, thinking about your smile, your eyes, your love. And every day he danced until his body couldn’t take it anymore.
The same goes for Jongho and Yeosang. As soon as they were done with the daily schedule, they went to the gym and didn’t leave until late at night. They didn’t work out together but they were there for the same purpose. Overshadowing the pain in their hearts with physical pain. Pushing themselves through the hardest sets while ignoring every scream of their muscles to give them a break.
Yunho and San were the opposite, locking themselves up in their room the moment they could and playing video games until the sun rose. But instead of hearing their usual screams of victory or swears when they lost, it was silent. They just sat in front of their screens, pressing keys, for hours and hours until they fell into bed.
Gladly their manager came in once a day, forcing them to eat.
But one of them was affected the most. One that did neither of those things the others did to avoid thinking of you. Mingi hadn’t left his room, except it was unavoidable. Their manager put food in front of his door but most of the time he didn’t eat it. He spent all of his time in his bed, scrolling through social media or just lying awake, feeling nothing but an incredibly numbness in his body. He didn’t have the need to eat, to shower, or to sleep. He didn’t even notice falling asleep sometimes as it wasn’t much different from the state he was in anyway. His sleep paralysis was hunting him and going outside became harder and harder with every day.
But there was one thing he was consistently doing. And that was calling you every evening, hoping you would pick up so he could apologize and beg you to come back. So he could get rid of the guilt that was eating him alive. If only he had acted on his thoughts earlier.
Two weeks had passed when you decided to turn on your phone again. You had stayed at a little motel at the sea, taking a walk on the beach everyday and befriending the old local ladies. At some point you started meeting up with them for dinner, telling them all about your life and the reason why you were staying there.
And even the grandma’s were fighting over your decision. One side was very eager for you to forgive your boyfriends because there was no evil intent but the other side was pretty firm on the “if they really love you, they would’ve noticed” narrative. But in the end, they were the ones convincing you to check your phone because “it’s important how hurt they are by you leaving, this way you can find out if they understand and regret what they did to you.”. You felt horrible even thinking about their reaction and knowing at least one of them cried broke your heart. But the old ladies were right.
Tears swelled up in your eyes as you scrolled through your phone, seeing all the missed calls and messages. Even their management had tried to reach you. But soon enough you noticed a pattern. In the beginning you had missed calls from every single one of them but with time it was less and less. Only Mingi still tried to call you every day. You missed them a lot. It was always to quiet around you here and you weren’t used to that. You missed Wooyoung bursting into your room without knocking and hearing Jongho’s heavenly vocals while he was in the shower. Hell you even missed staying awake till late at night to eat with Hongjoong when he finally got home.
You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even realise that your phone was buzzing. Mingi on the other hand was ripped out of his trance by the regular beep from his phone. He had gotten so used to “the person you are trying to call is currently unavailable, please try again later.” that it caught him totally off guard when his phone actually started beeping. His heart was beating up to his throat as he was holding his breath, waiting for you to answer.
You had taken the call out of reflex before you even realized who was calling you.
“Hello?” A deep shaking voice echoed through your phone, causing you to sharply inhale. A pain that you had never felt before shot through your body before you felt an unfamiliar feeling of relief, as if a weight was taken off your shoulders.
“Y/n?” Mingi asked again, his heart still pounding in his chest. You took a deep breath and collected yourself before answering.
“Hello Mingi, how have you been?” You responded, being met with silence. After a few seconds of nobody saying anything, you heard him quietly crying on the other side of the line.
“Min-“ You wanted to call out but you were interrupted by him sobbing. “I’m so sorry Y/n! You have no idea how much we miss you.. how much I miss you.. I should’ve said something! I knew that something changed but the least thing that we wanted was making you feel bad! Please believe me.. we didn’t mean to.. to hurt you.. to abandon you. We love you, please come back!”
You were completely taken aback by his sudden outburst and only noticed now that streams of tears were running down your face. Mingi was about to start talking again when you stopped him.
“Mingi. Take a deep breath. I can’t forgive you right now but I will come back to talk. Please tell the others.” You said emotionlessly, contradicting your current state of mind, before hanging up the phone.
Mingi hadn’t even realized that he had stood up. As soon as he heard you hanging up, he stormed out of his room, nearly running over their manager who was on his way to bring him food.
“Guys guys guys. Y/n is coming back! Y/n is coming! I just talked with - well I apologised - and it was a short call but but they are coming back to us! Only to talk though, but isn’t that enough? I mean I don’t know what is happening but-“ He immediately started babbling when he came to stand in front of the kitchen table where the rest of his members were sitting.
“Mingi Mingi slow down!” Yunho had jumped up from the table to give Mingi a hug and gently rub his back. Only now Mingi noticed how heavily he was breathing.
“So what happened?” Hongjoong asked in a stern tone, gripping his utensils harshly. The atmosphere in the room was highly tense as the seven other were waiting for Mingi to elaborate.
“I called Y/n. Like I do every night. And they answered. They said they will come back to talk and that I should tell you. Then they hung up on me.” Mingi said, calmer this time. But there was still no reaction from the rest of them. It was as if the information was still being processed in their brains, the fact that you were giving them a chance to make up for what they did.
“So.. Y/n will be back?” San’s voice sounded through the quiet room, to which Mingi nodded.
From the next morning on, the tension was high. Seonghwa ran around the dorm, cleaning up every little mess and making sure you would feel comfortable and the rest were trying to do some kind of work. But none of them could concentrate on a single task because their nerves were wrecked by the possibility of you coming back every second.
You had packed your back immediately after making the call and told the motel owner that you would be leaving in the early morning. Packed with your things, you said goodbye to the old ladies, that were surprisingly already awake at this early hour and took the next train home.
Home.
It felt so strange to you, this little word. But its meaning became stronger with every foot that you got closer.
And it was the strongest when you finally stood in front of the apartment door in the early afternoon of the same day. You had your keys in your hand but you hesitated. This isn't right. So you decided to ring the bell.
Time froze inside of the dorm as the bell echoed through the rooms. It took a moment of realization before all of them stormed towards the entrance. San was the fastest so he opened the door. To your surprise a bit too fast, causing you to flinch.
But it was clear that neither of you knew what to do now so you just awkwardly stood there before San took a step back to let you in. As you entered the living room, your boyfriends stood there, lined up, as if they were about to “8 makes 1 team” at you. You bowed slightly before waving awkwardly.
“Hello?” You asked more than actually greeting them and they mumbled the same back at you. Just like at the door, you stood there for a second before someone dared to say something.
“We’re glad that you’re back.” Yeosang said, his voice piercing through the silence. You hadn’t expected him to say something but somehow you were glad it was him. Because you knew it was sincere.
You nodded shortly before moving towards your room. The line that they were standing in split to let you through, it nearly seemed like they were scared to touch you, scared that you would break or disappear again. “I’ll be in my room for now.”
You weren’t ready to properly face them yet. Seeing them was overwhelming enough. You had missed them a lot, yes. But this dorm, this room also reminded you of the pain you had felt the last few months.
You locked the door behind you, sliding down with your back against it. You couldn’t help but start crying and you didn’t care that they could hear it.
Your sobs were ripping apart their hearts. San immediately buried his face in Wooyoung’s chest, who was still in shock from suddenly seeing you in front of him. Seonghwa went over to hug both of them, allowing himself to finally face the pain he was feeling. Even Jongho hid his face in Yunho’s body, much to the latter’s surprise.
It was already way past midnight when you heard a knock on your door. You were sure what to do but after waiting a bit, you decided to get up and unlock your door. You thought whoever knocked had disappeared already but shortly after the unlocking click of your door was heard, the someone pressed down the door handle.
“Wait who- San?” You stood right behind the door as he opened it to let himself in. His head was hanging down, his hands were holding on to his shirt and his whole body was shaking.
You didn’t know what to do but you couldn’t just watch as he collapsed onto the ground.
“San? Sannie? Are you okay?” You kneeled down next to him, trying to look him in the eye but he was hiding his face. Seeing him like this physically hurt you. Your heart was clenching and in your head two thoughts were battling. “They hurt you, let them feel how it felt” and “you love them, work on a solution and don’t let them suffer”. But no matter how you had been feeling, letting your loved ones suffer had no use.
“Come here.” You gently whispered before pulling San into a hug. He instantly adjusted to you, pressing his face into your body. He didn’t say anything, you didn’t say anything. All you did was sit there on the cold bedroom floor, bodies intertwined, for an unknown amount of time. With every minute of feeling his body pressed against yours you remembered why you loved him so much. His presence only could give you a peace of mind that nothing else could.
When you woke up the next morning, you were lying in your bed, cuddled into your blanket. San was gone and you started to think it was only a dream but you could still smell his scent on your clothes. Without looking at the time, you rubbed your eyes and walked into the kitchen to make yourself some breakfast.
“Good morning Y/n.” You were startled by the sound of Seonghwa’s voice behind you. “San told me what happened last night. Are you alright?” His voice was soft, calming even, just like it always had been. And much to your surprise, nothing was alright anymore. Hearing these words from the one person you had always trusted your deepest feelings with, made you lose control.
“No Seonghwa. Nothing is alright. I took a risk, I put so much effort into this. Into you. And what do I get in return? Being replaced. Do you have any idea how I felt? How it felt sitting at this damned table, waiting for you to get home only to be met with a oh sorry we already ate with someone better. And the worst part about this? I can’t even stay mad at you! From the moment that I left this appointment I regretted it. Why? Because I love you. Because I love every single one of you so much that it rips out my heart to stay away. I suffered from being here and I suffered from being away so can you tell me what the fuck I am supposed to do!?”
You didn’t even mean to throw all of this at him but it felt good. It felt good to let it out. All the frustration, all the anger you had been feeling. To just say it.
But all that Seonghwa did was take you into his arms.
“We love you too Y/n and I can tell you there was not a single second during the last two weeks that we didn’t regret making you feel that way. I’m so sorry… Please give us another chance, I promise we won’t make the same mistake ever again. You are our star, our guide. Without you we can’t work like we used to. Please allow us to continue loving you.” Those words. Those were the words you had been longing to hear for so long. And it was those words that helped you forgive them.
A few days had passed and you took your time to reconnect with them. Ever since you had been back, they treated you like a treasure, like the most precious being on earth. But there was one of them who couldn’t quite forgive himself yet.
It was Tuesday and you were on your way to visit Jongho at practice. Falling back into this familiar routine was strange at first put it somehow gave you a lot of comfort as well. As you got closer to his usual practice room, you already heard his heart wrenching vocals hammering out a ballad, as usual. You stood in front of the door, hesitating to go in while listening to his beautiful voice. Jongho was the one who had tried to contact you the most, after Mingi. He didn’t call you but he left you little texts nearly everyday.
Right when the song ended you collected all your courage to enter the room. Jongho was standing there, his back to you, typing something into the computer.
“That was perfect.” You said rather quietly, unsure if he could hear you. But he did, and he immediately turned around.
“Y/n! What.. what are you doing here?” He asked. You could hear both confusion and pleasant surprise in his voice. You gently put down your bag on the ground before walking towards him.
“It’s Tuesday.” You answered, knowing that there was no further explanation needed. “So.. what am I hearing next?” You flashed him a wide smile, trying to supress the emotions that were swelling up behind your mask.
Jongho quickly turned around again. “Isaac Hong - Without You” He said before the playback started playing. His voice was quiet, unsure when he started singing, barely getting through the first verse. You had goosebumps all over your body. The emotion he put into this song, the lyrics, the melody, everything hit a little bit too close to home. You wanted to cry but you somehow couldn’t. It was Jongho who suddenly stopped singing, hiding his face in his hands.
He didn’t even turn towards you when he started speaking.
“Why did you leave us? Why didn’t you talk to us? I- I would’ve- I would’ve said something.. I could’ve made you feel better! We made you leave… how can you forgive us?” His words were stabbing right through your heart. You were asking yourself those questions. How can you forgive them? How could you ever trust them again? But you needed to try. You couldn’t miss out on being as happy as you were before. You couldn’t miss out on loving them.
You wrapped your arms around his body tightly, taking his hands into yours. And that was when you felt his tears drop onto your skin.
“Don’t ever say you loved us again! Promise that you will love us till the end…” You giggled slightly as he sounded like a little kid demanding your hand in marriage. But if you can work through this, you can work through anything. And you had already decided not to leave ever again.
“Don’t worry Jongho. I promise I will always love you. All of you.”
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Tags: @jonghoisbabie @multidreams-and-desires @little-precious-baby @yunhofingers-writes @serialee @crimsonbubble @cometoceantrenches @em--ilysm @deja-vux @kawaiiloli00 @ddeonghwva @aaaaajonghooooo @sansbun @cookies-n-joong @plonys @hijirikaww @nari-nim @yunkiwii @mingi-ivity @racheloveyunho @seongsangsgf @jhmylove @lizsvcks @yunhobabygurl @leoninadecorazones @kerra-that-one-random-fangirl @star1117-archives @hoshischeekss @yeosangsbiceps @euphoric-emily16 @anyamaris @shinestarhwaa @seomisaho
Fic specific tags: @yeosangsbiceps @cookiechristie @danirael @camzpetite @butterfliesinthenightsky @lunarhwa @scuzmunkie @jiwelry0224 @parkthothwa8 @channiesbum @sookacc @s10an @just-a-really-bored-kpop-fan @jxrdxnh
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Hey! You might know me as readyfortakeoff on ao3, but I decided to make an account here because I noticed the kpop sickfic community was fairly active here (and there are several authors on here that I admire that I would like to support).
A little about me and what I write—
I mostly stan NCT and that's reflected in my fics, haha. My ults are Kun and Jaemin, but I'll pretty much write anything for any member of any unit & any relationship since I know them all so well (excluding Wish for now).
I'm also very familiar with the members of BTS, TXT, and Stray Kids. I'm pretty into SKZ right now too, but not much with BTS or TXT.
There's a few groups that I'm only familiar with a few members of, like ZB1, Seventeen, and RIIZE. I mostly have an idea of most members' personalities but not much about their relationships.
As for scenarios I write about—
My fics are almost always sickfics with some sort of underlying moral to be learned (you'll understand if you look at them).
I've only written about stomach-related illness so far, but would definitely like to try out other scenarios.
So now that all of that is down, here's info if you want to request something!
I am mostly doing this just for fun so there's a chance I turn down your idea for seemingly no reason (but it's actually just because I'm not confident that I can write it lol). Your idea might be better suited to another author if so.
Please be specific in your prompt and what you want/don't want.
A few things that I won't write—snz, scat, urination, smut, x reader... and basically anything else that's inherently fetish-related or explicit.
What I'm most confident in writing—stomach aches, emeto, fevers, mental health struggles—even a few hurt/comfort tropes, like fluff, cuddling etc. General hurt/comfort requests would actually be greatly welcomed along with sickfics!
I'd be most likely to answer requests about NCT and SKZ. You can also inquire about members of the other groups I mentioned, but I might need a quick description of their dynamic with the caretaker.
A quick note about emeto—I only enjoy emeto up until it reaches a loss of control extent (e.g. I can't bring myself to write it when it gets to the sickie throwing up anywhere but a receptacle). Just be aware that I might change your request a little if it goes into that territory!
Here's my new masterlist with both ao3 originals and Tumblr fics.
Thanks for reading and leave an ask with any prompts you have! Any shares would be greatly appreciated as well :)
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황현진 BOYFRIEND HYUNJIN WHO...
bf! hyunjin who likes to squish your face and take pictures of you, so he can blackmail you by threatening to send them to everyone unless you give him a kiss.
bf! hyunjin who spams your instagram comment section whenever you post. "woah do you have a bf?" "all mine 😘"
bf! hyunjin who likes to copy your outfits and act like they're all his ideas
bf! hyunjin who makes spotify playlists to romanticize every moment he spends with you, whether its a road trip compilation or a midnight baking mix
bf! hyunjin who likes to send you red roses when he's far from home and adds fancy little handwritten notes for you to find
bf! hyunjin who brags about you to his friends and feels more proud than jealous when other boys admire you.
bf! hyunjin who changes your lock screen to a selfie of him when you're not looking, so you'll have a constant reminder of him
bf! hyunjin who complains about you stealing his sweatshirts but secretly loves to see you in his clothing
bf! hyunjin who sends you real love letters written on paper, instead of just text messages or emails
bf! hyunjin who pulls you outside so you can slow dance in the pouring rain
bf! hyunjin who likes to sketch you in his notebook whenever you aren't looking; when you're cooking, sleeping, or tapping away on your computer
bf! hyunjin who lets you try out new hairstyles on him and loves to post selfies of him all dolled-up, even if he has sparkly pink bows in his hair
bf! hyunjin who buys your perfume and sprays it on his pillow when you're not with him and he misses you
bf! hyunjin who buys a ring only a few months into dating and hides it in his closet for when he thinks you're ready, because that's just how much he loves you.
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me: i love reading angst
me reading angst:
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ੈ✩‧ 🎀🩰 ➛ hyunjin thinks he's subtle as he pines over you
pairing : hyunjin x gn!reader
genre : fluff !
chan's ver. | felix's ver. | jeongin's version | lee know's ver. | changbin's version | han's ver.
hyunjin thought he was subtle. he thought he was smooth, so sly, so creative. he couldn't have been more wrong.
he loved sketching. everybody knew that. he loved colors. he loved picking up a pencil and drawing whatever came to his mind. but most importantly, he loved drawing you. your smile, your eyes, the arch of your brows, the texture of your hair, the roundness of your face. everything was engraved in his mind. he could probably draw you with his eyes closed.
but he couldn't be obvious about it, of course. he only ever drew a few of your portraits, and shared even fewer with you. he was just so shy somehow when it came to you.
he would hurriedly deny if any of his members teased him about it, but they all knew, and they could only hope you would catch onto his crush soon because it was getting nauseating seeing hyunjin giggle in excitement every time you liked one of his posts or lose his concentration whenever you came around for practice.
"are you painting y/n? again?"
hyunjin startled at the voice as changbin peeked over his shoulder to see what the younger boy was drawing.
"what? no." hyunjin scoffed, hastily trying to cover up his reddening cheeks. "does this look like y/n?"
"yes."
"it's not!"
"whatever you say, lover boy."
hyunjin groaned, hiding his face in his hands as the other members gathered around his sketch pad.
"can't wait to show this one to them," lee know joked, lightly pushing hyunjin's shoulder as the latter's head snapped up.
"absolutely not!"
"scared they'll catch on to your little crush?"
this has happened on several occasions; more times than hyunjin could count, in fact.
every live he went on to show his drawings to stay, or to show them his sketching process first hand, was a somewhat cleverly disguised way for him to just hope and catch your attention.
maybe you'll join the live? maybe you'll notice that the figure he's painting or sketching looked a lot like you? maybe he wouldn't have to confess outright?
"just tell them you like them, hyung." seungmin encouraged, noticing how almost every detail had been perfectly captured.
"no."
the younger boy sighed but walked away nonetheless, watching hyunjin take a picture of the almost completed painting and no doubt sending it to you.
[ hyunnie ] : [ 1 image attached ]
[ hyunnie ] : hi :)) do you like it?
it was like routine. the members watched as hyunjin jumped up from the chair, a wide grin splitting across his face and a deep blush coating his cheeks at whatever you had said.
"they said they loved it!!"
"when have they ever said otherwise?" felix joked, watching his friend in amusement.
"no but they said they really liked it this time."
"and they probably really like you too, hyung. just confess already."
"not yet."
the other 7 collectively sighed as they watched hyunjin go back to excitedly typing away at his phone, his eyes shining like a child's.
one day. hopefully one day, you would catch on and spare them from having to watch this same scene multiple times a week.
©lixie-phoria, 2023
🏷️ @foxinnie8 , @lethallyprotected
[ send an ask to be added/removed from the taglist :) ]
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title: Hopefully
pairing: idol!hongjoong x reader
genre: domestic fluff, slight angst, idol!au, secret relationship, hurt/comfort
warnings: anxiety over a relatively new relationship, a sexual innuendo, general fears about abandonment and the future of the relationship, not proofread
synopsis: You haven’t seen Hongjoong in a week and it’s starting to take a toll on you.
wordcount: 3k
taglist: @d0nghyuck, @fantasy2wonderland, @niktwazny303, @wonwoospartyhat, @stariightjoyy, @hyneyedfiz, @crazywittysassy, @yeosayang
rating: PG
a/n: this is a bit inspired by “oxalá” (aka hopefully) by MARO! i know i was going to write something else, but this story came to my mind and i needed to get it out😭
join my taglist
masterlists
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
You’ve got one (1) new voicemail!
“Hey, babe, I’m not going to make it to your place tonight. I got stuck at the studio and lost track of the time- I’m sorry, I know I said I would come over… I have practice tomorrow morning, but maybe I can try to sneak off to you tomorrow evening? I promise I’ll try my best to make it work! Sleep w-”
The beep cut off the message before Hongjoong got to finish. It was the second time you had listened to it. He had called you while you were at work, doing overtime, and you hadn’t heard your phone buzzing in your bag. It was typical of the two of you; you always managed to miss each other by a hair. You sighed and put down your phone on the counter. The clock on your kitchen wall said 12:30, and you’d usually be in bed by now but you couldn’t bring yourself to lay down in it. Not when you knew the bed would be empty, and the sheets would be cold. Therefore, you sat by the counter with a cup of tea in front of you.
You were nursing the cup in your palms as if the warmth of the mug would be as comforting as your lover’s embrace. It was late when he had called you, and it sounded like he was heading off to bed, but you were still mulling over whether or not to call him - you just needed to hear his voice. Your phone was next to the cup on the counter, its dark screen was taunting you with your reflection. The little amount of willpower that you had was not enough to keep you away from him; so you picked up your phone and texted him.
You [12:32]: are you awake?
After pressing send, you quickly put your phone down and sighed. You had lost to your needs and wants yet again. The two of you weren’t even official - you couldn’t be. It was easy to fall in love with him, but harder to keep loving him. Everything had to stay secret, no matter how much you wanted to shout to the world that, yes, you were very much in love with Kim Hongjoong and he actually liked you back! However, with his line of work came a lot of restrictions. Seeing him was difficult, meeting up with him in public was even more difficult, and telling people that you were dating was out of the question.
As much as you enjoyed sneaking around with him, you couldn’t deny your want to be his and for him to be yours - you wanted to be his partner, and you wanted others to know that you were his partner. Instead, you’re stuck in an in-between-relationship; where you’re exclusively seeing each other, but unable to do things that partners would or tell anyone that you were partners - a relationship where you were still scared to seem clingy, despite the two of you barely seeing each other. The low buzzing of your phone brought you out of your spiraling thoughts.
Hongjoong [12:34]: yes, but why are you awake?🤨
You smiled at the message, trying to contain your excitement by biting your bottom lip. The cup was set to the side, the comforting warmth on your palms no longer needed, and you picked up your phone.
You [12:34]: I couldn’t sleep.. did I wake you up?
Hongjoong [12:35]: no, I’m still in the studio🥲why can’t you sleep?
You sighed yet again, trying to come up with an excuse that wasn’t utterly embarrassing to type out. Before you could answer him, your phone buzzed again.
Hongjoong [12:36]: do you want me to call you?
It was as if he could read your mind. You quickly sent him a yes, and put your phone down to wait for him to call. It only took a few seconds. After waiting for a few seconds, trying to figure out when the appropriate amount of time had passed to answer, you pressed ‘Accept call’ and held the phone up to your ear.
“Hi, baby.” Hongjoong’s voice was raspy like he hadn’t spoken for a long time.
Baby. The nickname had slipped out so casually that you almost didn’t realize that he had said it. Now it was all you could think about. Hongjoong didn’t call you by pet names often, they’d slip out in the heat of the moment and he’d get shy. He could suddenly go from slightly irritated over you touching something in his studio, to a flustered mess because of you teasing him about calling you babe. You would never get tired of it.
“Hey, am I interrupting?” You brought your hand up to your mouth, biting down on your thumb’s nail.
“No, I’m packing up for the night soon.” He sighed, and you could hear him push his chair away from his desk. “I’m sorry for not coming over today.”
“It’s okay, I understand,” you murmured. “Work is important.”
“Not more important than you,” he countered a little too quickly. “I’m working on work-life balance. I promise.”
“I know.” You chuckled under your breath.
The line went quiet for a moment. You could hear his breathing - soft and steady - and you could picture him, sitting in his chair with a large hoodie draping over his frame. A mixture of comfort and disappointment flooded your veins. Comfort from hearing his voice, disappointment from not being able to hear it in person. Hongjoong cleared his throat, bringing you out of your thoughts.
“Why can’t you sleep?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t know…” you trailed off, but shortly thereafter continued, “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.”
His words lingered in the air, and you closed your eyes to savor them. A part of you wanted to yell that if he missed you so much he should try to be here more, but you knew it wasn’t fair. It’s not his fault. You shut your eyes tighter, bowing your head down as if to curl into yourself, and tried to hide from the angry feeling bubbling up in your stomach. Tears started stinging in your eyes, and, despite your efforts, a weak sob made its way past your lips.
“Y/N…” You could hear the frown in Hongjoong’s voice. “I’m sorry, please don’t cry.”
“I’m not,” you lied as you wiped away your tears. “I promise, I’m not. It’s okay. I’m okay.”
The line went quiet again as you sniffled. You could hear shuffling from his end, as he gathered together his things. As you pieced everything together, you quickly tried to protest - telling him that he didn’t have to come over and that you really were fine.
“Stop it.” His voice was shaky. “I’m coming over, and you can’t stop me.”
“I wasn’t trying to-”
“I know.”
“... could you stay on the phone with me until you get here?” you asked quietly, your voice coming off as weaker than you wanted it to.
“Of course.”
You grabbed a tissue and wiped your face from tears and snot, and the realization of what you were doing hit you then. It felt stupid to cry over this, but it had gone too long since you had seen him. The urge to cry, kick, and scream was overwhelming - but you kept it inside your chest with a deep breath.
“Thank you,” you mumbled. “I really didn’t mean to pull you away from work.”
“I know, it’s okay,” he assured you. “I’m heading to the parking lot now, it’ll only be a few minutes.”
A few minutes until you get to see Hongjoong. You could wait just a few more minutes, right? Despite the assurance that he’d be here soon, the empty feeling in your heart didn’t dissipate. In fact, the cavity in your chest only grew larger. You knew he wouldn’t get here for a while, but you still got up from your chair and walked over to your front door.
“How long has it been since I got to see you?” you thought out loud.
“I think it’s been a week already.” Hongjoong groaned. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, okay? I knew what I signed up for with you.”
It was meant as reassurance, but it came out wrong and you cringed as soon as the words left your lips. Hongjoong laughed, making you feel just a little lighter on your feet. You heard the jingling sound of his keys, signaling that he was already near his car.
“That came out wrong,” you said.
“It’s okay, I get it.” You could hear him open the car door. “Let me put you on speaker, hold on a second.”
You leaned against the wall and listened to the rustling sounds of Hongjoong getting into his car and putting down his phone. The engine started, and he stayed quiet as he focused on getting out of his parking space. The parking lot must have been almost empty because it didn’t take long for him to get back to you.
“Alright, I’m on my way now!” he chimed.
“Thank you, baby…”
“Baby?” he teased, laughing as he finally got to take revenge on you.
“Shut up-”
“No, I deserve this,” he argued. “You never call me pet names, I’m taking advantage of it.”
“Well, now I’m never doing it again.”
He gasped on the other side of the line, and you could practically hear the fake-hurt pout on his lips as he muttered something under his breath. No matter the situation, Hongjoong could always find a way to make you smile.
“I teased you once and now you’re revoking my pet name privileges?” He scoffed.
You liked him like this. It made you forget about everything else; this was the actual Hongjoong, and only you could witness it. In one slow movement, you slid down onto the floor and crossed your legs. With your head leaning against the wall, you looked up to the ceiling and smiled.
“I thought you didn’t like the mushy stuff,” you said, “I would include pet names in that.”
“I don’t dislike mushy stuff… I just get shy,” he admitted quietly.
“You don’t seem very shy when you go on stage,” you countered.
“That’s different!” he exclaimed, and added with a hushed voice, “I just get shy around you.”
Your smile grew wider. You wanted to tell him that you got shy around him, too, and all of the other things he made you feel - but you couldn’t find the words. His words were saved in the back of your mind, for you to think of later and come up with something equally heartwarming.
“I’m almost there,” he said to break the silence, and you could hear the clicking sound of his blinkers as he was probably driving up to the car park already.
“Good,” you said. “Hongjoong?”
“Yes?”
“I’ll stop teasing you for calling me nicknames,” you said, “if I get to keep calling you ‘baby’, too.”
“Deal.” You can hear the grin in his voice. “I’m getting out of the car now, baby.”
A laugh bubbled up your throat. Partially because of his silly tone, but also out of pure excitement. Your giddiness was apparently contagious, as Hongjoong let out a giggle as well - and you could hear the echo of his shoes hitting the concrete floor as he sprinted towards your building.
“I’m almost at the elevator!” he whisper-yelled.
“Hurry!”
He swore under his breath, clicking the button to the elevator multiple times. Eventually, you heard a ding and the doors opening. He was so close. You wanted to run out of your apartment and meet him halfway, but you knew that his being here was already a risk in itself. So you settled beside the door, no longer sitting on the floor. And when you heard the keys you had given him unlock the door, you quickly opened it and pounced on him. He stumbled back slightly, pressing ‘End call’ on his phone before hugging you back. With your arms still wrapped around him, he walked into your apartment and closed the door behind the two of you. Only then did he fully embrace you. You buried your head into his coat, cold from the chill air outside but it smelled like him so you didn’t mind. Your hands balled up into fists, creasing the soft material of his coat, and you pulled him even closer to you. Hongjoong’s chin found its rightful place on the top of your head.
“I’ve missed you,” he repeated, and you felt your tears threatening to spill onto your cheeks again. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.” His voice was trembling now.
As you tried to get out of his grip to look at him and comfort him, Hongjoong put his hand on the back of your head. He held you in place, soft enough to still allow you to leave if you really wanted to let go but firm as if he was silently begging you to stay. So, you stayed and pretended not to notice the tears that fell from his eyes and hit the top of your head. He shifted to kiss the top of your head and gave you one last squeeze before letting you go. You watched as he wiped his tears with his sleeve, quickly as if you wouldn’t notice. For his sake, you pretended that you didn’t.
“Have you eaten?” you asked.
“I ate some take-out for dinner.” He bent down to take off his shoes. “If you’re hungry we can eat, but I just want to go to bed with you.”
Yes. Bed. The concept that had seemed so daunting before now felt like a long-lost dream that had come to life. He stood back up, and you took a long look at him. He had colored his hair, you had seen pictures but you hadn’t seen it in person yet. Blonde always did suit him. He was busy taking off his coat while you watched him. It hadn’t settled in your brain that he was actually in front of you, it felt unreal.
“So?”
“Hm?”
“Are you hungry?” he asked with a smile. You had really missed that smile.
“Oh. No, I ate earlier.” You held out your hand to him. “Let’s go to bed.”
He took your hand gleefully and followed you like a puppy who’s just been promised a walk. You brought him to your bedroom. It was clean, and the bed was still made from this morning. While Hongjoong sat down on the edge of your bed, you pulled out some of the clothes that he had left there - an old pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, that you desperately didn’t want to give back.
“I’ve been looking for this,” he hummed as you gave him the clothes. “I didn’t know I had left it here…”
“I, uh… I may have stolen it.” You sent him your best smile, trying to look as innocent as possible.
“You’re cute.” Was all he said before he went into the bathroom to change.
You had the sudden urge to follow him - and, despite what he would think and tease you for, it was not with sexual intent. Now that you finally got to see him again, you couldn’t stand him leaving even for a second. However, you stood your ground and decided to fix up the bed instead. You removed any throw pillows, and pulled down the covers. Just as you got into your side of the bed, Hongjoong came back from the bathroom. He left his clothes on a chair, before he all but ran to your bed. When he had gotten under the covers, he shuffled closer to you and began peppering your face with kisses.
“I’ve missed you, I’ve missed you, I’ve missed you…” he muttered between every other kiss.
You laughed until you were gasping for air, but you didn’t dare lean away from him. As he planted a final kiss on your lips, you let out a low hum of approval. Hongjoong pulled you closer, letting you snuggle up against his chest. It was almost impossible for you to stop smiling. As it settled in your bones that he was actually there, right in front of you, you finally relaxed.
“I want it to be like this all the time,” you admitted.
“Me too,” he murmured. “I’m sorry it’s so complicated.”
“It’s okay,” you hummed. “I guess it makes times like these more special.”
“I’ll try to make a plan for the future, okay?” he said. “I’ll talk to the company and we can figure something out. We could find a good apartment and-”
“You want to move in with me?”
“Yeah, I love you.”
Maybe it was the fact that it was late, or maybe he hadn’t been sleeping a lot since you last saw him, but the words slipped out of his mouth so casually that you almost didn’t register that he said it. You looked up at him. He was still talking about his plans, not having realized what he had said. Putting one of your hands on his face, gently cupping his cheek, got his attention. His words faltered and you brought his lips to yours for a chaste kiss.
“I love you, too.”
At first, he just seemed shocked, but you could see the gears turning in his head. When he finally remembered what he had said, his face was practically glowing in the dark. He quickly tried to explain how he was very tired, and that he was going to make the moment more special but he had forgotten. You simply smiled and put your head on his chest again, the action silencing the man lying next to you again.
“Keep telling me about your plans,” you said.
He started talking again, and you felt the soft vibration of his words in his chest. As he talked about your future, you slowly drifted off to sleep. Hongjoong kept talking until he finally heard you snore. He brought the covers over your shoulder and hugged you closer. Hopefully, he’d be able to spend every night with you just like this.
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six feet under - yu jimin
genre; smut, angst, hurt/comfort
pairing; karina x g!p reader
content; despite the title there's no character death (it's just for metaphors) , unhealthy relationship; lack of communication , difficulty dealing with acceptance/reality , unintentionally hurting e/o , smut; p in v :D , unprotected sex , top karina/service bottom reader , oral (reader giving) , slight breast play , some praising
synopsis; it had always been said that nothing stays the same, it had been said ever since they were little kids and that acceptance of it was important. it helped move forward because dwelling in a past that no longer existed did no one any good. to hang onto something that didn’t exist meant falling to the deepest parts of hell willingly because no matter how much it hurt it felt like it was worth it the second they looked back at what it used to be.
wc; 15.6k+
masterlist.
It had always been said that nothing stays the same, it had been said ever since they were little kids and that acceptance of it was important. It helped move forward because dwelling in a past that no longer existed did no one any good. To hang onto something that didn’t exist meant falling to the deepest parts of hell willingly because no matter how much it hurt it felt like it was worth it the second they looked back at what it used to be.
The silence could almost be dreading, it was so loud that it vibrated through their ribcage. It was so loud with their thoughts that they had no clue what to do. Love could be so many things, couldn’t it? It also meant that love got mistaken a lot of times too. It could make a bed feel comfortable, one they would always want to be at the end of every night, but it would always feel cold with spaces bigger than the ocean even if they were just an inch away.
At times it felt like acknowledging the damage would only damage the rest of the world too if it was brought up. It was for everyone’s best and they could silently try to fix the damage with minimum casualties around them.
They both fell blind and only realised that they forgot to do something about it when they were dragged out of the daydreams and brought back to reality. The daydream that was the past was what made Y/n look away from her monitor once her eyes fell on the time at the bottom corner. She slipped the headphones off of her head, loose bangs falling over her forehead as they no longer were held back by the gear and she turned the chair around. Her eyes fell on the bed that was empty despite it being 0:30 AM.
Routines changed, but they stayed.
It had become a game of avoiding the other to not bring up the actual problems. Y/n indulged in her video games the whole day so they could avoid even looking at each other. She hadn’t spared Jimin a single glance but was now looking at the empty bed with sentiment filling her veins heavily. She deeply inhaled, trying to fill her lungs with oxygen to air out the sadness and hang on to the hope of stitching the torn back together.
It was harder than it looked though when she had no clue how to put together a world that had been caught in a landslide and pulled them apart. It was all drifting apart, burning bridges they couldn’t stop imagining still existed. All they did was stand and look at it happening because there was nothing that they could do about these new feelings.
She placed the headset onto the desk and reached over to the power button on the PC, her index finger coming in contact with it. Y/n pressed it and still deep in lamentful thoughts she held it for a while longer than needed before letting go.
Just as she stood up the door opened and her tired eyes landed on Jimin whose gaze immediately was drawn to Y/n despite how far away they were. It was time to let go, but all that heaviness caused by the thoughts of finally mending their worlds and leaving the one they had built together in the past was hard to get rid of. There were so many reasons that told them to let go, but so many that told them to stay because of what once was their everything.
“I just have to take a quick shower.” Jimin nodded at that as she stepped inside the room, leaving the door ajar as she knew what it meant. It was too cold to fall asleep beside each other on the bed, it was too uncertain of what they should do in the familiar sheets. It was easier to fall asleep alone, but it was difficult to sleep fully through the night if they weren’t both in bed at the same time.
It had become a routine of leaving to let the other fall asleep before getting in bed too. The shower felt agonising, unsure if she had been in there long enough or if she should stay and continue to ponder. Everything around them still felt the same, but on the inside everything was different. Was it because of how suddenly it had happened? Was it because it was scary to let go of something that used to be all their comfort, scared that it was their only comfort after being it for so long? Was it because of how much they still had for each other?
What if they got lost and became wanderers once they would let go of each other and would end up walking life without a goal to reach?
The shower felt like the only place where she could ponder now since it felt like it was too much to cry in front of each other. That would mean that they would have to talk about what was wrong and what they had to do, to do the things they weren’t ready for. The past felt so worth holding onto despite the feelings of the future never looking like they imagined.
It was like every other time when Y/n walked back to the room, she quietly opened it, stepping inside the warmth and the comforting scent of Jimin that lingered in the air. Was it because all these things still brought her warmth and comfort? Her eyes landed on the bed that wasn’t empty this time, but would still feel cold once she settled in it. Never did they do it intentionally, but it had started happening at some point and there was nothing they could do to stop it.
She couldn’t just not care, she always did and always would as she threw her black hoodie onto the backrest of the swivel chair she had been sitting in earlier. It merely made a sound when it landed on the chair and she walked a few small steps over to the edge of the bed where Jimin was lying.
It had become a new routine to just stare at Jimin from a distance while trying to figure out what exactly was wrong between them. She had always adored the girl whether with words or just by looking at her from across a room, but this was different despite the adoration. This always made her eyes look a certain way, a way that whenever Jimin caught Y/n looking at her she could tell what she was thinking and Jimin found herself leaving to wipe away her tears.
So Y/n was crouched down right by Jimin who was asleep on the bed, her head tilting as a small frown adorned her features in thought. The longer she thought the more it all felt like a pipe dream as her eyes lingered on the girl's soft features Y/n adored. The white duvet pulled up to her chin and the younger reached over to Jimin, gently grazing her fingers over the tender skin. Nothing about it had changed, it still felt as good as it always had under her fingertips.
She pushed back some of the loose strands away from the sleeping girl’s face before she pulled her hand away fully, scared that she would wake her up, that Jimin would pull away from her touch, that they would both freeze and then go back to pretending.
Y/n sighed at the feelings she couldn’t decipher anymore and her forehead rested on the edge of the bed for a few seconds as she closed her eyes tightly. Her fists clenched and so did her jaw to shut out everything, the landslide wiped away from her mind, the future too, the past stayed as she fished for the answers from the burning bridge. She was utterly confused, she was so lost in that field where everything had burned to the ground.
Where did it all go? When did it all disappear?
She deeply inhaled and raised her head, shakily letting out her breath, doing it slowly to not wake Jimin up. Her fingers peeled at the cover, the small bear coming into view that Jimin was hugging–it was Y/n’s childhood plushie, but the comfort that it had held once had been transferred to Jimin. She had no clue if Jimin had transferred it further or if she still held onto it. It felt too cold at times, but they were still hanging on to the daydream.
“Goodnight, angel.” Her fists gripped onto the sheets as she left a ghost-like peck against Jimin’s soft cheek while standing up before climbing carefully over the girl to lie down by the wall. Y/n got under the duvet and laid on her back, staring at the ceiling that was empty while her head raced with thoughts that would make falling asleep so much harder. The itch to hold each other, but the fear of it not feeling the same anymore kept them at a distance and so the ache grew, but the silence didn’t dissipate. It was loud enough to mask the sounds of the heartbreak.
Jimin heaved a sigh, her eyes opening in the silent room, knowing that Y/n was lying just behind her, but she wasn’t able to feel her. The simple peck, the brush of fingers against her skin, the goodnight, the innocent pet name; all made her eyes burn hot in the freezing weather that the room was in. It made her stiffen up her lower lip to try and keep them at bay, clutching the little bear harder, burying her nose into its brown fuzzy fur.
Each time she blinked her eyes its fur soaked up the tears, being the only witness of them, the only thing wiping them for her, holding her sorrows inside its small frame. She was afraid that it would overfill soon enough, that the bear would turn salty and bitter from her tears, and that it wouldn’t want to give her any more comfort because of that. She longed, but they flew apart and she couldn’t figure out what exactly she longed for as Jimin felt just as lost and confused about everything as Y/n was.
Was it all broken or just bent? She had no clue, Jimin didn’t even know what exactly it was that was wrong. Or maybe she knew just what was wrong, but pretended that she didn’t?
It echoed in Y/n’s head after the alarm had gone off around 6 AM and she had turned it off–their last rehearsal before they were off to Tokyo, Japan. What their mornings used to look like kept replaying in her head, the sounds of them like an echo of silence now because they no longer happened. There was no room filled with giggles despite it being early at dawn or noon. No words that were sweet affection were exchanged between them. There was no holding each other, hugging, kissing, and just being there with each other, close and content.
Neither could remember the last time they had said an ‘I love you’ to each other.
It used to be always in the mornings, before bed and throughout the day.
It made Y/n exhale while turning to lay on her back as they slept with their backs turned to each other. She tiredly stared at the ceiling unable not to look over at Jimin whose back was still turned to her, it was like a big ice wall fell and blocked them off. ‘It’s fine’ kept repeating itself in Y/n’s head as she pursed her lips and grabbed her phone to see that the time still flew and didn’t wait for them. It did not wait and they were wasting time away from each other when they could be making it meaningful.
The footsteps outside were heard now and Y/n knew that they didn’t have more time to sit and wallow in their sorrows of holding onto something that wasn’t there.
“We have to start getting up.” The girl mumbled just to make sure that the first alarm had managed to wake up Jimin. It did for Y/n because she hadn’t been able to fall into a deep slumber because of all the thoughts.
It was harsh, it was like a strong tornado carrying all types of feelings in it came through the room and cut through Y/n’s skin. “I know, Y/n.” The softness was gone and Y/n bit her lower lip because despite it all they hadn’t been like two snakes around each other, ready to bite and leave venom any second. They hadn’t tried to make it sting more than it already did, but it seemed impossible to do for too long.
The younger still caught the sweet scent of Jimin that made the moment slightly less bitter, reminding her of all the good times when she’d be drowned in the scent. The duvet was thrown off of Jimin who got up from the bed, grabbing the hoodie from the chair on her way and all she left behind was a whirlwind of unspoken emotions after leaving the door ajar when she walked out.
Y/n grabbed the little bear that fell beside her and stared at it, looking for answers in the tears she knew that Jimin was shedding every night. She pretended that she didn’t hear it, that she was asleep, that she simply didn’t know that she was making the girl cry. It was easier that way and in the morning she would look at the bear and still get no answers. She couldn’t acknowledge her silent cries because they would have to do something about everything if she did.
Practice went as usual, almost as usual for the two of them. They both wondered if the rest had noticed their lack of communication and how they occupied themselves with the others to not make eye contact by accident. If they did notice, it wasn’t like any of them would comment on it since Y/n and Jimin’s relationship wasn’t their business.
It didn’t even seem to be Jimin and Y/n’s business anymore as neither of them spoke about it.
Still half panting, Y/n sat on the couch with Minjeong as the two got engulfed in the Nintendo 3DS Y/n had brought with her. There was an emptiness that she hadn’t been able to grow used to, she had become so used to having someone always right next to her for the past three years. It wasn’t constant clinging to each other, but even the small things such as brushing their legs or glancing at each other. The loss of that made a void grow bigger each second and the only thing that would fill it was if things went back to how they used to be.
It made Y/n wonder if Jimin felt the same and so she glanced away from the game, her eyes landing on her girlfriend. She was so used to it so she wasn’t sure if it was Jimin specifically or just a habit that was hard to let go of now, all that affection. The girl was busy talking to Aeri and no matter what they were doing someone’s back was always turned to the other. Y/n’s hoodie-clad the girl’s upper body and Y/n tilted her head, thinking about how maybe that was what brought Jimin the comfort of having someone next to her, just the warmth and scent.
Their confusion about the situation was what made it hard for them to get back to the intimacy they used to share.
The door opened and Ning walked in with their manager, catching everyone’s attention as it got noisier when they started to all converse while making it to the couch. However, Y/n looked back down at the 3DS to occupy her eyes with something for a few more seconds to not try to figure out where Jimin would sit this time.
Aeri was about to sit on the wooden floor, her eyes seeing the lone spot left beside Y/n as Ning was already on the floor by Minjeong’s legs with her drink and one of the pastries. Jimin made sure to insist that she could take the spot, but it still left her in an awkward spot on the floor by Y/n’s legs. Her shoulder brushed against them, bumping into each other constantly and she couldn’t bring herself to sit still, especially not when all the emotions were bubbling inside her.
She couldn’t remember being this emotional before.
How else was she supposed to be when everything felt out of control and she had no clue what to do? There was nothing she could do no matter how hard she tried to catch everything only for it to slip right through her fingers.
Jimin wanted to cry when she took a sip of her drink and something just had to top it all off when her order seemed nothing but wrong. Everything in her life was crumbling, she was in pure distress and despair. However, things only could get worse–they had yet to reach the bottom–and not better because among the cold there was always a warmth as she tried to stop the pout on her lips while staring at her drink.
Jimin felt like a puddle of water in the middle of the road, no one appreciated them and walked around them and all they did was harbour filth; filth being these feelings that only grew bigger, the mess of a puddle becoming bigger too.
She looked up at the hand that took her drink, her glossy eyes meeting Y/n’s for a split second.
The younger felt a heat shoot through her body, it was as if she broke a limb at the pain that she felt seeing Jimin actually harbour these tears and not just cry at night when she thought that Y/n was asleep. It hurt her chest, she cared about Jimin, and she knew that she always would because before she became her lover she was her best friend and member. Maybe that's why it hurt even more. Y/n had no clue who she lost in this silent war they were stuck in.
Was she losing a lover? A best friend? A member?
“You can have mine.” Y/n knew her, Jimin hated it because it made everything even harder and Y/n could see the way the tears grew as quickly as a high tide in the girl’s eyes. She looked hurt, she was hurting, they were hurting, but they continued to do so without saying anything. Why could Y/n tell from a certain pout that Jimin wasn’t satisfied with her food or drink? Why did they have to be so caring for each other? It made cold things warm and they had no clue why things were cold to begin with.
They didn’t want to lose it.
She took the iced green tea she knew that Y/n loved and the younger took her drink. All it took was a sip of it and it all got overwhelming once again because the thoughts didn’t stop crashing inside of her head, exploding and occupying every corner of her mind. It made her wonder if Y/n was busy thinking the same things throughout her whole day too and the thought of being the only one to do so hurt immensely.
“I will be back–restroom.”
The girls hummed, going back to what they were doing as Jimin excused herself, leaving everything behind her and she wished she could do that with the reality that she didn’t want to live in. It was haunting her.
She missed the days when her biggest worries in a relationship were that the promised forever wouldn’t be long enough and not that everything had possibly dropped dead like flies around them, that the forever would never happen. It was a painfully slow dance in a burning room that neither of them left just to see if they could still survive once everything had crumbled fully and the smoke had filled their lungs.
Y/n knew that letting time pass would be too painful to sit through. Nothing was waiting for them. Even if it meant a bigger gap, she gave her 3DS to Minjeong who continued on the game while Y/n had become a pawn in a game no one was controlling. It was a game of chaos no one could cultivate anything out of, no order, no logic, no helpful solutions. This was a game of walking a thin line of nothing and everything.
It was too tiring, walking inside the bathroom felt like getting locked in the confines of a place where no one would ever find her, no one would see her. No one would see if Jimin broke down in the bathroom and it made relief wash over her and the tears spilled like a broken dam. That was all it took and she tried to calm down, but it wasn’t possible as she turned on the faucet, letting it run to drown out her snivels and deep breaths.
It was exhausting to be crying almost every day, she didn’t know what sleep was anymore and all she lived for was sorrow, she lived to continue hurting.
Why did they make something simple so complicated? Love was what made it complicated.
She used the pads of her palms and wiped at her eyes while tilting her head back and letting out a shaky breath. It felt like there was no calming down from this and each second only made it worse. The silence despite the running water, the echoes in the tiled bathroom, and the stalls empty.
Jimin could still remember all the other times she had been crying in the same bathroom when everything felt like it was all for nothing because she couldn’t feel fulfilment despite her achievements. She could remember the way her girlfriend would end up in the same bathroom, coaxing it all out of her, taking all her burdens and carrying them for her. Could Y/n do the same thing now when they both were in the same shoes?
Everything reminded her of Y/n except Y/n herself. They both felt distant and like different people.
Even the light knock on the door was familiar and she took in a shuddering breath, turning to look at Y/n when she opened the door. It fell closed right after, her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants, restricting herself from all those instincts that always kicked in. Her eyes followed the hesitance that was clear in Jimin’s body that pulled to Y/n, but with so much trouble as she held the sleeve of the hoodie against her trembling lips.
“Come on,” Y/n mumbled, knowing that it was all that was needed to get the girl to just break down fully. “It’s okay to not be okay,” she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around the girl’s shoulders who shook in her arms. The hot tears were burning against her pale skin, wetting her neck, trailing down and spilling like they never had before. Her cheek rested against the side of Jimin’s head, pulling her closer to her body, into her warmth because it was all still the same, but it felt different.
What was it that exactly wasn’t okay? It wasn’t just them themselves, but them together and it ended up making both of them not feel okay.
Jimin tightly wrapped her arms around Y/n’s waist, crying into her neck. She got pulled closer, her head being cradled by Y/n’s hand. All of it made it impossible to hold the walls up, the ones that were supposed to show that she wasn’t as bothered by it as she truly was. In reality, Jimin could barely breathe through it without falling into a panic attack. Hearing Y/n’s words, and hearing that it was okay made it so much easier to let it all out, especially when she was with the girl and held by her.
The reassurance that it was okay to cry about the landslide made it easier. Y/n recognised the burdens and Jimin wasn’t alone.
“I’m sorry for how I took it out on you in the morning.” Y/n only hummed, holding her close as Jimin had been a rose with its thorns aimed at Y/n since they woke up. From the harsh words to the ways she blatantly shut her out even when it was a small question not to her girlfriend but to the leader of Aespa. Jimin was scared and it was affecting her role as a leader too, as a member of the group. The fear was consuming her life fully and was getting in the way of everything.
“I’m just so tired and I can barely sleep at night.” Or maybe she could sleep just fine but chose to cry at night instead of closing her eyes. She woke up more tired each day, every little second got more exhausting than the other.
“I know, I’m sorry for all of this.” The younger knew all about it, but what she didn’t know was what exactly she was apologising for. Y/n knew that Jimin was crying at night because of what was happening between them, but she knew that it wasn’t her fault or Jimin’s. It was natural, it would have happened at some point, right? Y/n inhaled, closing her eyes because it hurt her, but seeing how much it affected Jimin made it hurt so much more and it made everything more complicated.
“We can’t keep going without knowing where it’s all heading. I’m confused and–” Y/n stopped her before they got too deep into the truth because neither of them was ready to let go just yet, neither wanted to end it just yet. They needed some more time, some more time to find more than just one option to end their pain. There always was more than one choice.
She pulled away from Jimin, her upper body lingered with the warmth that the shorter girl left after her. Jimin gripped at Y/n’s sweater, knowing that once they let go they would be apart for what would feel like years again. The void between them would become even bigger than it already was and they would avoid it for much longer.
“I care about you, nothing will change that and it’s all fine, Jimin.” She held her face cupped in her hands, tears hitting her skin as the girl looked up at her with quivering eyes. They knew that these false paintings of their relationship would make them feel better for now. Not in the long run, but they tried to live in the present–it didn’t matter if they reminisced and avoided the problems of the present.
Jimin blinked her eyes, trying her best to run into the daydream, trying to escape reality. Her eyes closed, hoping that she would be thrown into her daydream as Y/n kissed her forehead.
She missed the pretty sunset sky, the fireworks, the green grass, the clouds that came in different shapes and would be fluffy. It was like a childish dream and possibly some people had been right when they said that young love was complicated. It wasn’t like they cared, they had always felt like teenagers in love with each other.
Why wasn’t it working though? Where did it all go? It no longer felt like a daydream. It no longer felt like it used to do.
It was so difficult to grasp something that physically wasn’t there, neither of them could grasp it, at the feelings. Love was so beautifully painful the way it painted them with all these different colours. The canvas would always be filled with them and to the eye it would always be beautiful but to the souls that served as the canvas it would always be heaven and hell. Among white there was blue, among blue there was green, among green there was red and it went on.
The daydream was constantly corrupted by the harsh reality.
It was like walking a tightrope.
The smallest mistakes felt deadly.
The stupidest mistakes.
It would be laughable if it weren’t for the fact that there was so much on the line.
It was part of the social culture and Y/n had happened to fall victim to it because a few cigarettes had turned into a pack or two a week. What were her reasons? Probably all that went on in her hectic life, but it hadn’t been easy to sneak around with an addiction. It got especially hard when the dorm arrangements changed because she and Jimin got together.
Y/n had managed to sneak around for a whole two months. All it took was one week of sharing a room with Jimin who gave up on pretending that she didn’t notice the lingering smell of tobacco on Y/n and slowly herself.
‘Fine, I will quit for you.’
‘Not for me. For yourself and your health.’
‘Doing it for you makes it easier.’
‘Only if you don’t start doing it again. It will hurt to think that doing it for me wasn’t enough.’
‘I promise.’
Even the simplest promises were being broken. It felt all the more hopeless.
It was hard, to say the least with starting to dose down on how much she smoked until it was nothing at all. Y/n had never thought of herself as someone who grew addicted easily, but nicotine turned out to be a bitch and even a year and a half after quitting the cravings came back. There were certain times when they were extra tempting, it made her irritated and restless. It was times like these that she always had her substitutes for them, from nicotine patches to nicotine gum or simply Jimin.
This time it felt like Jimin was the cause of the cravings.
The world around them no longer felt real because of how they had surrounded themselves in a fake reality.
“Did you slam the door in my face?” Venom, that was what Jimin spat out, pure venom behind her words as she locked the door to the green room. The rest were out and talking to their label mates, but it was better to make sure they didn’t walk in if they came back earlier. The last thing Jimin or Y/n wanted was for the rest to notice that everything around them was crumbling, that it had all become a smoke screen.
Y/n inhaled deeply, rummaging through her stuff, ignoring the clatter as she was on the brink of losing it. “I didn’t and if I did, it wasn’t intentionally. I had no fucking clue you were behind me.” It was a low mutter, but it was just as poisonous as Jimin’s tone which had been louder. At the back of her head, Y/n had been expecting Jimin to be right behind her, she was the whole reason why she was buzzing with cravings.
“You slammed it in my face and an apology wouldn’t hurt you, Y/n.” Jimin had no clue why she was letting it drag on. She could have dropped it, she was aware that Y/n didn’t know and even if she did, Jimin knew she deserved ten more doors slammed closed in her face.
“You want me to apologise?” Y/n snapped that easily and it had never happened between the two of them–the cravings only made it worse together with the tension of constantly being on their guard not to let anything slip past them.
They never really fought to begin with. All those small fights that never meant anything, that never held any real frustrations, it was different now. Those pent-up emotions came out and spilled right over the head of the other. Y/n wanted to throw it at Jimin because her girlfriend had been doing it since they landed in Tokyo. They were being petty for the sake of being it and not for any good causes. Y/n tossed the stuff onto the table, ignoring the even louder clatter of the things and continued to look through her stuff.
“Called manners.” She commented. It was like she knew that something so simple would irk Y/n more than she already was, especially in this state.
“Oh, so Karina wants to talk manners.” Y/n huffed and turned around, leaning back against the table. Her arms crossed as she gripped onto her arms, hiding the tremor in her fingers as the anger and everything else was overwhelming. She hated fighting with the girl, but it felt inevitable when they were alone in the room with so much tension already lingering between them.
The past couple of fights they’ve had been nothing but hurtful with no apologies after, pretending it never happened to begin with.
Jimin’s eyes squinted at the words, Y/n barely called her by her stage name even when they were on stage. Hearing her bring it up was enough to let her know what Y/n was pointing at.
Jimin was falling under the pressure of juggling work and a relationship she could no longer figure out. It had never been a problem for them, but she felt like she had failed her role in the group by letting personal conflicts get in the way.
Nonetheless, it would be impossible to admit to now when they were in an argument that grew by the second.
“Don’t comment on my work ethic when you barely have yours under control. You’re being sensitive.” She argued, knowing very well that she had been letting her complex emotions and confusion about where she and Y/n were heading get in the way of her professionalism.
“You’re the one crying over a door.” Y/n scoffed in disbelief, pointing at the door in question that was behind Jimin. The girl pulled on the strings of her hoodie in frustration at Y/n’s words. It only fueled her on, she couldn’t remember being able to get this angry with Y/n before, she had never thought that she could get angry with her. Or maybe it wasn’t anger that she felt towards Y/n, but just frustration because of how confusing their relationship had turned. How dead it was.
Maybe she was angry at herself, at the world, or at how confusing love could be. She was angry at the fact that they let it die to begin with.
“Because you slammed it in my face!” This time she let her voice fly way above what she imagined she would, her foot stomping down in frustration. The tears welled up in her eyes so easily, that constant haunting fragile mentality as everything was hurting and it didn’t let her breathe.
“Because you are doing a shit job at being a leader!” Y/n watched Jimin pace around, watching how desperately she tried to get rid of her tears. Those tears of frustration, not knowing how else to take it out she yelled at Y/n and cried, but there was only so much that could cover her tears now.
“Don’t comment on my work ethic, Y/n.” She repeated and found herself in front of Y/n, it almost felt dangerous to be so close to each other at a moment like this. It was scary because they had never had these fights and being so close to what used to be just comfort felt wrong, it felt wrong to bring these feelings into their safety net.
It ruined their purpose, the place they went to when they wanted to escape these feelings, the pressure, the world. It was all truly gone, wasn’t it?
She could feel it all spiral, leaving them with no control over what happened between them in the room.
“Someone has to when you forget how to separate relationships from work. Be a fucking leader and answer a fucking question instead of shutting me out because of our personal life.”
“It’s not easy when this is what it looks like!” She threw her arms, motioning to the mess they were together, the one they both had been avoiding because of how complicated it was. It was hard not to notice, but impossible to truly acknowledge and so it all mixed into everything else.
“Nothing is ever easy for you, is it? That’s why I always become your punching bag when things go wrong.” The words left Y/n bitterly, her hands gripping onto the table behind her as she exhaled these deep breaths that helped with nothing. Watching Jimin with tears in her eyes wasn’t helping, but Y/n felt like the girl had been trampling all over her. She was using her title as a leader and girlfriend in a nonchalant way, she was neglecting Y/n as a member and not a lover.
“That’s not true and you know it.” Jimin knew that it was all true, her tone faltering as she would feel even more guilty if she raised her voice to spit out lies. It hurt too much to say the truth of the situation.
“It has been even more true lately,” Y/n muttered, her eyes leaving Jimin’s.
It felt like the woman in front of her was trying to coax her into forgiving her without Jimin having to apologise. Y/n was done doing those things. She couldn’t put it all aside like all the other times when she accepted Jimin’s apologies she never even said. The ones where Y/n blatantly admitted to being wrong even when she wasn’t because she didn’t want to fight or see Jimin cry.
“Because–because—” Now came the difficult part for Jimin who had no good excuse for this and she knew that she was wrong. The problem bigger than this one was her pride and ego, they got in the way, especially now after how tense everything has been.
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing is changing.” It made Jimin’s heart drop, Y/n’s stomach twisting at her own words that she never wanted to say. It was what it felt like though.
She gently grabbed Jimin’s shoulder to have her step aside as she stood up to walk out the door.
“Don’t say that.” A quiver fell from between her lips, a lump in Jimin’s throat that cut deep and made it all bleed much worse than it already was. Her hand grabbed Y/n’s to have her stay because, in the end, she didn’t want her lover to leave, not just yet and she quickly stopped in front of Y/n. She would never accept those words, not now at least because hearing them made her lightheaded, it made her chest clench and she wanted to collapse onto the floor to be swallowed before she could feel more pain.
“Where’s our manager? I need her to buy cig–”
“You’re not smoking just because things go wrong for us!” It wasn’t possible to speak with a quivering voice, it was too soft so she raised her voice again. She still cared about Y/n as a member, friend, lover and person, it didn’t matter what was going on between them. Jimin would always care about Y/n. Her hand bunched up the material of Y/n’s shirt in her hand as to keep the girl from leaving her. She refused to let go, in the end, she wasn’t supposed to want anything else but Y/n and even if her feelings were different she clung to that idea.
That there was only one person for the both of them.
“Is this something else you want to cry about!? You didn’t bring my shit with you because you’re being petty and expect me to break habits.” It had become a habit, Jimin had become someone Y/n relied on with most of her things. If Jimin had been packing certain things for her it had become a habit that she would do it every time and it never crossed Y/n’s mind to do it herself anymore.
It had never bothered Jimin either and now it was doing nothing but pissing both of them off. Those flaws they had accepted and learned to love before were nothing but a hassle to deal with now and they wanted the other to erase them and change. To change so they could learn to love these new people they would become.
“If you said that you quit for me then fucking keep the promise or will you break them all just because it isn’t working out for us at the moment? And I’m not your mother, Y/n, why do you rely on me packing your fucking things!” She shoved Y/n by the shoulder, wanting to get her away from her even for a split second because she was boiling over with emotions. It would never end well no matter who they were fighting with when there were too many emotions.
Jimin felt conflicted at her own pushing and pulling as she one second wanted no one but Y/n and the other second she couldn’t stand the girl.
“Everything I did for you feels like a waste at the moment when all you give me is headaches, Jimin.” Y/n’s voice was rough and loud, ignoring that they had more performances tomorrow. Jimin could feel the vibrations in her ribcage and she harshly wiped away the tears. It felt like Y/n didn’t deserve her tears at this exact moment, not after those words. She snivelled, still unable to stop them though because how couldn’t she cry when this was what they were now?
They continuously watched what they used to be washed away with each wave that clashed with their shore and dragged away the good to leave filth behind instead.
“I fucking regret even giving you an ounce of my time and life because you’re nothing but a pain to look after. You don’t get to be angry at me because I had to worry about not forgetting my stuff and yours on top of everything!” She couldn’t help but feel like all the blame was now coming her way and maybe she had let Y/n get too comfortable. Jimin couldn’t help it then, but the longer it went on the more she realised that it wouldn’t work that way.
“You’re like a manchild for fuck’s sake.” Jimin groaned out as it continued to dawn upon her how much of an immature child Y/n could be. Had she been blind all this time? Why did she suddenly mind it? Why were these words even leaving her mouth when she had always loved and accepted Y/n for the person that she was? Were they just looking for reasons to make it all stop?
“You made it a habit and I stuck to it. Suck it up the same way I have to suck up when I’m your punching bag whenever things don’t go your way.” Y/n couldn’t help but truly realise how much she always let Jimin get away with. The things she would say, the things she would do that hurt, Y/n always forgave her for every little thing because Jimin could do no wrong in her eyes. Jimin was spiralling right now because Y/n hadn’t forgiven her yet for how she had been pushing the younger girl around for the past few days as a member of the same group.
Here she was, still letting the woman in front of her shove her around and blame her for her own mistakes. The way she always forgave Jimin within seconds when she saw tears in her eyes even if Jimin was in the wrong. Y/n felt played by the older now as she realised how their dynamic had worked.
Y/n would always be the one to take the blame even when it wasn’t hers to take.
Jimin would always be the one to suffer from how much she took on herself willingly because Y/n couldn’t do it.
“You were playing video games instead of packing even after you saw how stressed I was with my stuff. You got upset over your motion sickness patches, your headphones, fucking lenses and now your gum. I’m fucking surprised you packed your clothes!”
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t even enter the room without you getting pissed off because I would breathe. I’m not the one being immature but you, Jimin. You are the one who mixed our relationship into work, you’re the one who isn’t professional–” The older girl could feel herself boil over with anger with each point that Y/n made, each word pushing her closer to the edge. She felt like the points Y/n made were being invalidated, Y/n had yet to accept it for what it was and Jimin hated having the truth about herself being pointed out this way.
“–the one to force habits and then thinking you can just switch them up within a second because you suddenly don’t like what you wanted. Not the whole world revolves around you, but you’ve been too fucking selfish lately to realise it.” Despite all the coldness between them and all that seemed gone, they hung on because every day small things happened that gave them hope–small gestures were enough and they were brought back to the past. It felt as if Jimin hadn’t been trying to work towards each other, but away from each other. “I’m always looking out for you and caring for you.”
Jimin was simply too scared to move anywhere at all because it felt like the smallest mistake would make what was left fall apart fully. She felt paralysed by how scared she was of the truth. It was like having bricks constantly pile on her chest, it was difficult to breathe with them there, and it was difficult to move with them there. The girl felt like she was chained to the pits of hell while staring up at heaven in hopes of it coming down to her.
What it ended with was it looked like she was selfish for being too scared to move, as if she wanted the world to revolve around her. And maybe if it did it would make everything easier for her.
“Go fuck yourself Y/n and stop trying to make yourself look like a hero when you make as many mistakes as I do.” Jimin scoffed and wiped at her eyes as she pushed past Y/n, they both felt completely neglected and invalidated by the other. The reality of what it always has been wasn’t easy to swallow because it had never bothered them until now. She was aware that she made mistakes, but Y/n made them too and couldn’t claim the title of a hero when they did as much caring as they did hurting.
Y/n turned on her heels as Jimin pushed past her, she could see the anger, despair and distress clouding her. It was like a grey cloud over their heads, constantly being there for them when they didn’t want it. “It doesn’t excuse your mistakes either and considering my girlfriend won’t do it, yeah, I will ‘cause she’s too busy being stuck up.” Y/n could tell that the last of her words were too much, that they were too disrespectful and insensitive, and that she shouldn’t even be thinking about it right now. Maybe Jimin was right about being nothing but a ‘manchild’.
Y/n truly felt the consequences of her words when Jimin felt them dig deep into her heart and it was enough to throw everything else out. It was just for a second and she knew she could regret it and feel guilty about it later. The stinging on her palm would subside, but feeling disrespected by Y/n for the first time in her life would linger far longer as she turned back around and landed it across the younger’s cheek.
“You’re an immature fucking child, Y/n. I’m not just for your pleasure and needs, so fucking respect me.” She spat out, holding onto the girl’s shirt with her stinging hand as it all shut Y/n up. The two were able to very clearly see through each other like glass, it wasn’t even like glass, but air from how clear it was and all they could see was pain and hurt. They caused each other pain and hurt and everything else they used to make each other feel was gone—but then came those moments where it wasn’t gone even if it was for a second and so they held on.
They both felt horrible as Jimin grabbed her things while wiping her tears, not sparing Y/n more glances. All she knew was that she needed to cry to let it all subside for even a bit. Y/n slumped down on the couch, the nicotine cravings slapped out of her. She held her cold palm against her cheek trying to ease the pulsating pain she knew she deserved and Jimin did too as they both were suffering for keeping each other chained down.
Maybe they had never been perfect, to begin with.
Were all these things stuff they had always wanted to say and they now took the opportunity to do so since everything was already falling apart? Did they hold back on saying these things before because they were scared that they would ruin everything? Or were these things something that should have been brought up a long time ago to make it work out?
They couldn’t answer that. No one could because it was too late.
Jimin had known that she would feel bad after, that the guilt would eat at her. She was terrified that their relationship had taken a new step forward, towards a goal they didn’t want to reach when Y/n slept in Minjeong’s hotel room. The two peers–in age–were close in the end and so Jimin spent the night tossing and turning wondering if the truth would come out now. That their love was under ruins, crushed and bleeding to death, setting the truth in stone and burying what they used to have six feet under to start a new life.
She wondered if Y/n spent the whole night awake. Jimin could barely fall asleep knowing they were in the same bed, but with their backs turned to each other, let alone after what happened. She could barely sleep because of how her insides twisted in hopes of escaping to get away from the excruciating pain. The part of them being away after what went down only made her even more anxious.
The girl got her answers the next day when Y/n was tired and Minjeong went on about her day without a single knowing glance or word.
They had avoided each other unless they were on stage, but the second they came off it was back to normal. The new normal, they both missed the old normal but they seemingly couldn’t go back to it.
Or so they thought because once again all that they had been missing poured over them like a rainstorm.
The simple idea for all of them to go out and eat after the days of performing. There had been an undoubtful tension between the two and not for the same reason they would like to think. It felt horrible to sit beside each other without having apologised for what had happened. However, the longer they sat at the table the closer they seemed to get, but it could have been the alcohol in their veins.
“I swear, it’s the first time these two aren’t all over each other.”
Y/n felt a slight heat shoot through her, one of anxiety at Ning’s drunken words because now everyone seemed aware of the situation. It could have been the fact that they dared to speak up about it when they were drunk. Y/n didn’t know what it was, but she toyed with one of the side dishes, knowing that she and Jimin always got more affectionate when they were drunk.
“Tired, that’s all…” Y/n mumbled, trailing off as she looked over at Jimin who sat right beside her–the rest continuing the chatter. The two had been coming closer and closer with each shot of soju and every beer they finished. They could feel the other's heat on them, craving each other in this state no matter what had happened between them for the past months. They craved the affection of the other so much that it hurt, it was boiling from the inside and they were waiting for the other to cave in so they could be close.
She watched for a second more as Jimin struggled with the marinated perilla leaf, lip between her teeth as she gently swayed, going over her limit this time. Y/n would always be the one to cave in for the older girl. Jimin rarely drank more than she could handle and even that was a lot, but Y/n could tell she was trying to drown herself further. The older woman was already drowning in all her emotions and trying to drown them in alcohol only intensified it all and Jimin felt like she would burst any second and start begging in front of everyone else.
Y/n turned in her seat the slightest, her attention on the woman who was still the most beautiful one she had ever seen. The one she desired, but it was all so different no matter how beautiful they both were to each other. Her right hand reached over to Jimin, brushing the hair behind her ear and reaching with her left for the leaf.
Eyes were glossed over, like polished glass from alcohol when Jimin finally looked up and Y/n picked up the leaf, her hand still holding back the hair so it wouldn’t get in the way.
It was crushing both of them. Jimin felt her world brighten up with hope that had no space in their world anymore, but she wasn’t letting go yet. Y/n fed her with eyes gazing over Jimin’s features, feeling excruciating pain at the fact that she had made her cry, at the fact that they kept hurting each other unintentionally by holding on. It was worth it when these moments still managed to slip through the cracks and let in some light.
Y/n let go of the latter's hair and wrapped her arm around Jimin’s waist when she leaned into her, resting her weight on Y/n’s side. Her hands found Y/n’s warmth as they pushed under the girl's loose sweater, doing all the holding on that she could.
“I miss you.” They were sentimental words as Jimin gently whispered, her breath brushing over Y/n’s neck and the younger girl pulled her closer. Y/n took in a deep breath at how homesick she felt for a home she no longer had. They missed each other, they missed what they used to have, but no longer did and it dug into their hearts with no care, tearing them into pieces at how messy it felt.
“I miss you–miss us,” Y/n mumbled, their world shutting the rest out, inhaling the smog-filled air of everything that had burned down to ashes. Jimin hummed as her eyes closed, hoping that the drunk sentiment would be able to suffice for now even if it was for just one night. All they needed was one night to figure it out, to get to feel what they missed and see if they could bring it all back to life. She felt Y/n’s soft lips press against her head and she nuzzled her face further into the scent that used to be a home and now was only what was left of one.
Her lips gently pressed over Y/n’s skin, her nails gently scratching over Y/n’s back as she moved her other hand up. She cupped the younger’s face, thumb caressing the porcelain-like skin she deeply regretted putting her hand on but she couldn’t regret it when she thought back on what they said to each other. Jimin deserved to suffer for her actions and Y/n deserved to suffer just as much. They would continue until they did the necessary.
Y/n got her head tilted down and looked at Jimin who rested her head against the younger’s shoulder. Her eyes pleaded for a remedy for all the heartbreak even if it was for just one night. To just get away from reality for a few hours. Her fingers brushed over Y/n’s cheek. Y/n gave a small nod and reached over for the beer she had left, finishing it and hoping it would all last long enough and not end the way it did a few days ago.
“Will you guys mind if we leave early?” The girl asked, but it was already set in stone as she grabbed her jacket and helped Jimin up. They looked over at the two who were closer to each other than they had been for the past few months as Y/n put her jacket over Jimin.
“Not at all,” Aeri replied, the rest humming in agreement.
It was a short walk to the hotel, wrapped up in each other the whole way and not letting go for a second as they walked in silence, scared to let go or say something that would make it difficult to be this way again.
They at last did let go as they walked inside the hotel room, but it all shifted for a second as Y/n kicked off her shoes and sat down at the foot of the bed. There was no escaping this landslide, the clash that destroyed so much as she missed what she used to have with Jimin, but had no clue if they could get that back. It tied knots around her heart and tugged on it constantly.
The latter managed to get her shoes off, the jacket falling after her as she walked over to Y/n. Despite the slight blur, she could see clearly through everything else and now was the only time she knew she could apologise.
It used to be easier.
“Y/n…”
The girl took a deep breath and looked away from her hands and at Jimin who kneeled beside her. Her chin rested against Y/n’s thigh as she stared up at her girlfriend, her lower lip slightly jutted out. The younger one hummed, her hand running through Jimin’s hair as she caressed her scalp gently, missing the touch of someone else. The back of her fingers trailed over Jimin’s cold cheek who grabbed hold of Y/n’s hand, intertwining their fingers.
The silence braced them as they stared at each other, heads tilting, ears filling with the heavy yet soft breaths from alcohol-filled veins, the buzz of the outside world only faint. That silence of acceptance of what their love was, what it used to be and how it no longer was.
Jimin heaved a sigh and rested her cheek against Y/n’s thigh, staring off into the dimly lit hotel room. The sentiment of sorrow, sadness and nostalgia as everything had become too farro reach now and it would be hard to save anything. If they could continue to pretend then everything would go back to being fine. If they lived a lie long enough, it would become their reality.
“I’m sorry about the other day—” She mumbled, slumped on the floor and her gaze moved as she tilted her head to look Y/n in the eye. Their eyes connected, filled with the buzz of alcohol, and the perception of the fake reality they had created in their head washed over them. Those small gestures that made hope wash over them wouldn’t change anything, would they? They didn’t want to think about it. “I shouldn’t have raised my hand,” her lips momentarily formed into a pout at the disdain she felt for her actions.
Jimin knew there was no excuse for it even if she felt like an emotional wreck. They were losing control and it was starting to deeply affect them. They were going full speed through crossings with no hands on the wheels, covering their eyes to not look at the truth and soon enough they would crash right into a wall.
“It’s okay, it’s fine,” Y/n always let Jimin get away with everything and nothing would probably ever change that.
Jimin shook her head, lifting it from Y/n’s thigh as she got up to stand on her two feet. Y/n’s fingers tangled into the sweatshirt the girl had on as she stood between her legs. Despite the slight tremors in Jimin’s fingers, buzzing with more than just alcohol, but also a surge of feelings, the uncertainty, longing, feelings of loss and hope; she cupped Y/n’s face in her hands. Her touch was soft as Y/n’s glimmering eyes met her.
“I shouldn’t have acted the way I did either.” Y/n mumbled, closing her eyes and resting in Jmin’s hands who caressed her features with her thumbs. They still would always melt at the affection because it was normal to crave, but it didn’t feel like it used to. Aside from it feeling good, those other things didn’t spread across them. “I’m sorry.”
That sorry felt like it was for more than what happened in that room and Jimin knew it. She knew that the apology was because they both genuinely felt bad for letting a promise of forever die.
‘I love you.’
‘Never stop loving me, Y/n.’
‘I will love you forever, I promise.’
‘I will love you forever, Y/n, I will always care about you.’
‘Don’t cry, Jimin, I’m always here for you.’
Jimin deeply exhaled and closed her eyes before she could let the tears even form and with a lump in her throat she closed the gap between them. Their lips met in a kiss to suckle on the hope left in them. It was eagerness, it was to forget and not to remember. Y/n’s hands grabbed hold of Jimin’s hips, pulling her closer.
They tilted their heads to meet tongues that tasted as bitter as the beer they had and the longing for what they had lost, as sweet as the sake they downed and the reverie they lived in. It was with desperation because it felt like it was the last of them that was left and they would do everything to latch onto it and stick forever. The forever they had promised.
Jimin ran her fingers through Y/n’s hair, pushing deeper, wanting to feel more, she needed more. She needed Y/n, she missed the touch against her body and that was all that it felt like for them now. The fulfilment of each other’s needs and nothing else as Jimin discarded Y/n’s sweater, letting it fall to the floor. Her cool hands ran over the warm skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps, emotions swirling under their skin as they pulled away to remove Jimin’s top.
Their eyes locked, looking for something, searching, but they had no clue what they were trying to find anymore. It ended quicker than expected and their lips met once again, meeting tongues and letting out desperate sounds. Y/n’s fingertips grazed over Jimin’s skin as if the girl was made of gold, the gentle and careful touch making the latter bubble with more need. She ran them over her sides, tracing every ridge, coming to her spine with one hand as the other slid over her ribs until she reached the hem of Jimin’s jeans.
With ease she undid them and as they fell to the floor the older girl straddled Y/n who huffed at the weight that pressed down against her growing cock. As Jimin looked Y/n in the eye, the girl reached over to her face, brushing away the black strands of hair. She could still see a sparkle in Y/n’s eyes, but it was flickering. It wasn’t there for the same reasons that it used to sparkle. This was for the lust that would always linger inside their veins.
“Make me feel good, you owe me this,” Jimin mumbled, knowing that they both owed each other this for the things they had been putting the other through for the past months. This was finally their chance to make the other feel good in a way that was more than just sentimental. There was no sentiment in lust because it had never been part of it, but now it ruled them.
She grabbed Y/n’s hand which was still by her face and captured those sweet lips while guiding the hand to the back of her bra. Jimin trailed her kisses away from Y/n’s lips and along her jawline, slowly going further and nuzzling her nose into her neck. The scent was still one of her favourites. She took it in and ran her tongue over the skin before wrapping her lips around it.
It made Y/n stall with the bra, a faint whimper falling from between her lips as Jimin slowly started to gyrate her hips, rolling her heat against Y/n’s that was straining against her jeans. “I want your lips on me Y/n.” She breathed out against the red mark, wanting to feel the pleasure, they both wanted to be brought out of this hell they had painted as heaven. This was their chance.
Y/n bit her lower lip, her neck being plated with kisses by Jimin all while the girl continued to press against her cock, grinding slowly while releasing shaky breaths between kisses. The girl managed to undo the bra and only then did her girlfriend pull away, letting Y/n remove it fully whose eyes focused on her chest right away. Jimin’s words hadn’t fallen deaf to her ears and all she wanted was to give the girl exactly what she wanted. This was the only thing that they could make work.
“I love every inch of you.” Any other time the words would burn within Jimin’s soul and leave their mark and they had done so permanently, but they no longer reached as deep. They were all for the outside as they had changed from the inside towards each other.
Her fingers tangled at the back of Y/n’s head, gently making her look her in the eye as she tilted her head. “Show me instead.” It was like a whisper, her lips ghosting Y/n’s, knowing that she would be able to feel more from actions rather than words now.
Y/n manoeuvred them, laying Jimin down on the bed, legs wrapped around her waist as she stood by the edge of the bed. The girl bunched up the duvet beside Jimin’s head, taking one last look at her chest before she leaned down to show how much she appreciated her body. With fingers tangled in her hair and nails scratching her scalp Y/n started to leave scorching kisses along Jimin’s skin.
Her tongue soothed over the pulse, tenderly kissing down, her kisses tickling as she trailed down, taking in the soft hums and breaths that the girl let out. She came down to her collarbones, grazing her teeth over them, leaving her marks after her as those were the only good ones they managed to leave on each other now. Everything that went deeper hurt.
A faint gasp left Jimin’s mouth when lips fervently latched onto her chest, all the heat running through her body and shooting straight to her aching clit. “Fuck,” was all that she could mutter at the warm tongue playing with her nipple, sucking on the tender flesh. Y/n’s devotion to what was left of them was shown through the way she consumed her flesh, leaving her bites to linger.
Y/n moved her mouth to the other nipple, her hand coming down to fondle the older’s chest. It was enough for more sounds to start coming from Jimin at the way her nipples were being played with and her chest littered with kisses. It made her thighs tense around Y/n’s waist, pulling her closer and when the rough material pressed against her cunt a moan fell from her lips. The younger girl hummed, pressing more against Jimin while toying with the hard nipples with her mouth and fingers, twisting and pulling, touching her in a way only she knew.
It was yet another thing that was hard to let go of. The fact that they knew each other’s bodies so well and knew exactly what to do. It was all working against what should be done and driving them towards pipe dreams.
Her chest heaved, losing her words as they all came out breathless, being greedy for more to fill all the emptiness that had been growing for the past months. “You’re so good, baby.” She hummed, her eyes closing as her mind finally went empty, it went silent with everything else and all they could focus on was the moment and not what was and what would be. It was enough to make Y/n’s hips press more into Jimin, slowly moving them for friction while leaving the older’s chest glistening.
She slowly started to move down further, kissing along the heaving slim stomach until she was on her knees in front of Jimin. The lacy black underwear seeped through with her arousal and Y/n’s fingers hooked at their hem, looking up at Jimin who was sitting up and looking down at her with lust-clouded eyes. She leaned back against her palms, raising her hips and letting Y/n peel off the last piece of her body.
Her hands ran over Jimin’s thighs, spreading her legs further apart while biting onto her lower lip at the view of her glistening pussy that was leaking with juices. She lifted the girl’s leg and rested it over her shoulder before she started to kiss along her inner thighs, gently biting and sucking on the soft flesh as her hands needily kneaded them. It made Jimin heave a sigh, her hand coming to grab hold of Y/n’s head, dwelling in the feeling of the butterfly kisses left along her inner thighs.
Through her hooded eyes, she watched Y/n, making eye contact every time the younger looked up through her lashes for approval of what she was doing despite knowing Jimin’s body better than most things. Her fingers pressed into the flesh as her arm was wrapped around one of her thighs, inching closer until she reached the girl’s heat. It was enough to make the older girl squirm the slightest when she got pulled closer to the edge before feeling the wet muscle drag between her folds.
Y/n grabbed hold of her waist with her free hand, holding Jimin in place to not have her squirm too much. Her tongue ran between her folds, spreading the wetness as she dipped her head and circled the grasping hole. The grip on her hair tightened, ears being filled with soft moans and whimpers as she continued to work her tongue and lips around the puffy cunt. She sucked on her lips, enjoying the mess that was spreading on her chin, lapping every little bit up to get more on her tongue.
Jimin slowly felt herself lose her mind at the teasing tongue, Y/n taking her time to continue working her up. The need continued to bubble inside her, her clit throbbing for attention and her hole clenching as she wanted to be filled until she would feel numb in the brain for at least a few minutes. This was finally something they could grasp at, the escape from everything even the daydream they had created, getting to a real one even if it wouldn’t last too long.
The light moans filled the hotel room when Y/n’s lips at last wrapped around her swollen clit, her tongue coming out to flick at the bud. The pace between slow and fast, sucking and flicking was making Jimin’s thighs tremble around the girl’s head. Her fingers were tangled in Y/n’s hair, pulling her closer to her pussy as her hips faintly bucked at the pleasure.
Y/n drowned, getting as much pleasure from drowning between Jimin’s soft thighs as the girl above her was feeling from the tongue that was toying with her needy cunt. She caressed her heaving stomach with her other hand, kneading the plush flesh of her thigh as she felt Jimin pull her further into her with her leg that was on her shoulder.
“Fuck, Y/n–” She whined, her breathing picking up and growing heavier the longer her clit was played with. She could feel it all slowly approaching her and soon enough she would reach the edge and fall off of it.
The girl dipped her head, her nose rubbing against the swollen clit and her tongue lapped at the juices. The room filled with the sopping sounds of Jimin’s pussy and moans and Y/n’s mouth messily eating her out, moaning at the taste and tugs on her hair, her cock throbbing at how good it felt. With the sticky mess collected on her tongue, she circled her clit and went back to flicking at it and tugging with her lips.
“So close, ‘m so close, baby.”
Her body started to tense up, Y/n’s ears muffled at how the thighs locked around her head with her head being held in place. It made her sore tongue work harder to be able to hear Jimin’s voice go up higher.
That was enough for the older girl to lose her control and the sounds started to spill from her mouth, moaning Y/n’s name in a high pitch. Her body got consumed by heat as her vision blacked out and her ears started to buzz when the orgasm hit its peak as Y/n continued to flick at her clit. It was making her whine and buck her hips for more until she felt herself crash back down to reality. She heaved for air, loosening her grip on Y/n’s hair and the girl slowed down, only leaving small kisses along her skin that was scorching.
When she got back up on her feet their lips met in a vivid kiss, Jimin’s hands working on Y/n’s jeans to undo the loose material. She tugged them down together with Y/n’s boxers, her hand wrapping around the thick cock that was scalding in her hold as she pumped it, smearing the precum as she reached the swollen tip. The whimpers that fell from Y/n’s lips were swallowed by Jimin, moaning into the intense kiss.
She pulled Y/n down, making her lay down on the bed, the younger girl moved back until she was in the middle of the bed, leaning against her elbows. Her eyes were on Jimin who got on the bed before crawling over to her. They got engulfed in each other's heat as she straddled Y/n who slumped back, running her hands over the girl’s thighs and to the back of her ass to caress it.
“No one knows me like you do.” She whispered, leaning down and letting her lips brush over Y/n’s with her fingers tracing along her jawline. No one knew Jimin like Y/n did and no one knew Y/n like Jimin did and even if it looked the way it did, they carried that fact with pride. She pecked the girl's lips, pulling away and letting Y/n chase after her as she tried to grab hold of Jimin’s face, but got her hands pinned down to the bed.
“Jimin–” She tried although was cut off as she let her head fall back against the mattress, fingers twisting the duvet as her wrists were held down by the girl on top of her.
“I hate that now.” She admitted, hating that no one knew her as well as Y/n and that no one would ever get to know her as well again. They had learned from their mistakes and now no one would ever be able to compare. There was no one she would open up to like this again, not when it hurt so much when it all died. They didn’t want to go through this pain twice when they never wanted to experience it to begin with.
“I know.” Jimin huffed, her lips brushing over Y/n’s neck because obviously, the younger girl would know that Jimin hated it now. “Do you regret it?” Y/n mumbled, doing her best to not squirm under the girl who was leaving light kisses along her neck. The words from the other day still lingering, but Jimin knew that she never meant what she said about regretting it.
“No matter how much it hurts–” Jimin pulled away and looked Y/n in the eye, the younger’s head tilting to the side as she stared up at her with hopeful eyes. Y/n’s eyes alone were enough for Jimin to know the answer, she knew it right away as she reached her hand down to Y/n’s face, one still holding her wrists down. Her thumb tenderly caressed along Y/n’s cheek and over her lips. “I could never regret everything I’ve given you.” And everything she gave was all that she had after she placed herself in Y/n’s hands and she would always be there even if what made her give herself in the first place had withered.
Her thumb tugged down on Y/n’s lip before she leaned down and attached their lips once again. Sighs fell from between their lips, Jimin’s hand running between their bodies to grab hold of Y/n’s cock.
Y/n pulled away from the kiss, panting for air as her eyes fell between their bodies, watching Jimin drag the swollen tip through her folds, the slickness and warmth were enough to make Y/n bite back a whine at how good it felt. The grip on her wrists tightened when her tip made contact with Jimin’s clenching hole, slowly pushing into the tightness that sucked her in.
“So tight.” The younger mumbled, her chest heaving at the anticipation as she watched herself slowly disappear inside of the girl on top of her, splitting her folds with her cock. The tight walls engulfed her length, grasping it and sucking her inside with greed as they continuously clenched at the stretch.
“You make me feel so full.” Jimin sighed with a whine at the slight pain.
Y/n’s eyes stayed glued on how her cock got engulfed by Jimin’s tight pussy, splitting her lips around the thick shaft and she slowly moved. The older girl hummed, letting go of Y/n’s wrists. Both her palms rested on top of the girl’s stomach with her nails slightly digging in at the painful stretch. Hands caressed her thighs while she lowered herself until she felt Y/n deep inside her, filling her to the hilt.
Y/n dropped her head, shutting her eyes tightly when she was fully inside Jimin who let out a light moan at the feeling. Her cock was throbbing, twitching at how good it felt, the warm and wet walls were pulsating around her and her stomach flexed with every little move.
She slowly started moving her hips back and forth, her clit still sensitive from her first orgasm as it dragged along Y/n’s pelvis. Her walls fluttered, and being filled up was making her crave more at how good it felt. The feeling of Y/n’s veiny cock raw inside her tight cunt was overwhelmingly good, making out each vein that dragged along her walls.
She gyrated them as they whined back and forth on Y/n’s dick whose lips were parted at the way it dragged along the clenching walls. Her ears were graced by Jimin’s soft gasps and sighs, nails digging into her stomach. The older’s thighs flexed, her walls pulsating and clit throbbing as she slowly increased her speed, chasing her pleasure by using Y/n.
“I love using your cock to make myself feel good,” Jimin whined, her head getting thrown back and Y/n groaned at the words that made her dick ache inside the hot and wet cunt of the girl. Their bodies moved and fit together perfectly like waves that collided against waves, their bodies buzzing with that feeling from the inside as their head splashed with desires.
Her chest heaved at the sight of her girlfriend grinding along her cock, watching how she chased her high once again. The sounds were starting to get more lewd with each moan falling from the girl’s lips, Jimin’s wetness coating Y/n’s base and the mess only got bigger.
“You look so good doing it.” Y/n could feel the way the walls clasped around her at the words, the girl taking all the pleasure in using Y/n for her benefit as Y/n enjoyed it just as much. The way the girl would go on and have her orgasms before Y/n even got to think of hers.
Jimin was on top of her with a vice grip on her cock with her sopping cunt. Y/n’s hands were on her the thighs flexed with each movement and her tip was hitting all the right spots deep inside her. She watched the way the older gasped and threw her head back, dragging her swollen clit along Y/n’s pelvis. Jimin reached behind her and held onto Y/n’s tense thighs instead, rolling her hips in a way that was making her stomach tighten and warm up as she fucked herself on top of the girl.
“I’m so close, baby–fuck, so good.” Her voice cut into a higher pitch as the orgasm started to wash over her with her hips bucking for more and Y/n’s thumb found its way to her swollen clit. She circled the bud as Jimin kept bucking her hips against her, watching the way her chest bounced with each movement.
The throbbing walls clasped around her cock, squeezing it tightly enough for the movement to slow down. Her thighs quivered and she let out cries of pleasure, her voice light and bringing Y/n closer to the edge at how good she looked on top of her. Nails dug into Y/n’s thighs, heat pouring over Jimin’s whole body at her second orgasm.
She heaved for breath, stopping her movement and shivering at the shocks going through her warm body. Her body got engulfed in Y/n’s arms when the girl sat up, her cock still buried deep within the confines of Jimin’s pulsating pussy. She wrapped her arms around Y/n’s shoulders, palms running over her back which was covered in a sheen of sweat.
As Jimin looked at Y/n, she didn’t want to be done yet, she wished she could drag this out for the rest of her life. To make this serene moment last forever as their bodies became one and all that had been on her mind disappeared. Those worries were gone, it was just now, the present forgotten and the future didn’t exist until it was tomorrow and by then it was present again.
She tangled her fingers at the back of Y/n’s hair, slowly moving up and down while pulling Y/n more into her. Their breaths mingled, parted lips grazing until she caught Y/n’s lower lip between hers and gently tugged. It was all that they needed, to be back in each other’s arms, to be close and it started to ignite the spark of hope although it didn’t seem to glow strong enough as it continued to flicker back to life before disappearing.
“I miss you–so much,” Jimin mumbled as she pulled away, moving her hips back and forth as Y/n’s breaths grew heavier. The younger buried her face in the crook of her neck, planting tender kisses. Jimin could feel it all coming back, maybe she hadn’t been drunk enough, or maybe no matter how drunk she was on lust and alcohol she would never be able to drown out the pain of a breaking heart.
The alcohol and lust weren’t able to mend their hearts.
Y/n looked up when Jimin pulled her away from her sweltering neck, their eyes met, Jimin’s were glimmering and the entry to her soul had always been open for Y/n. The longer she stared into the window of her soul, the more she realised how crushed Jimin was and it was enough to clarify that they were both suffering. Her hand smoothed over Y/n’s jaw, running along it as she tilted the girl’s head back, her movement not stopping as she watched Y/n slowly crumble under her.
It was shattering her insides to see Y/n this way, the same way it was shattering Y/n to see Jimin like that. They had never thought that the person they loved the most would be the one to destroy them the most too.
Love was lethal no matter how much two people loved each other.
“Fuck–” Y/n breathed out, being cut off by Jimin’s soft lips, the girl could feel the length inside her grow harder and twitch as it was clasped inside her heat. They swallowed each other’s moans until they no longer could and the older’s pace picked up, her ass colliding with Y/n’s thighs each time she went down while letting out quick and sharp breaths. Y/n’s hands gripped onto her ass, fingers digging into the soft yet firm flesh as she helped Jimin move, feeling the movement slack off at times.
A soft and light moan escaped Jimin’s lips, grounding herself down on Y/n’s cock, arms wrapped around her shoulders as she panted against her neck. Teeth dug into her shoulder, the whimper suppressed from the younger as she could feel the ropes of cum shoot one after another into her, painting her walls white. Y/n pulled away from her shoulder, slipping out of Jimin’s warmth as they eased down to reality.
Everything stilled as the younger girl still held Jimin in her arms, caressing her warm back while taking deep breaths. It felt like neither of them planned to move any second as the girl snuggled closer into Y/n’s neck, burying her face in the crook of it, her eyes shutting tightly.
It was making Jimin’s chest heave at the panic she felt because she could only watch it all slip through her fingers, unable to do anything to save it.
The attempt to suppress her sobs was feeble as the first one slipped through and then a second followed and her tears were staining Y/n’s skin once again. “Jimin–”
“I’m scared, Y/n.” She cried into her neck, sobbing and snivelling as it overwhelmed her once again, this time she wasn’t able to hold back on releasing what was heavily on her chest. It didn’t matter how scared they were to bring up the obvious because the thought of how it would end was terrifying. Neither wanted it to end. However, the realisation dawned upon them and it would all end much sooner than intended if they did nothing about it.
“I’m right here.” Y/n slowly pulled her away, manoeuvring Jimin’s body like fragile butterfly wings that could crumble with a little too much pressure. The girl continued to cry, pulling her knees to her chest, crying into them as Y/n draped the duvet over her, covering her naked body.
She couldn’t grasp at it, at how all the promises died the second their love did, that they made promises they couldn’t keep and it never should have been this way. They promised to love each other forever and they did, but it no longer was the love that was beyond care and compassion. It was adoration and not love, the love; was gone.
Jimin refused to accept it, no, she couldn’t accept that and would dig through every little corner until she found something that would help the withered flower bloom back to life. She’d shed all her tears until her eyes would be bleeding just to have enough to water their flower of love that had died. There had to be some way to save it even if it hurt, even if it hurt more than it already did.
Y/n got back onto the bed after she pulled on her boxers, Jimin was still crying into her knees until the younger girl sat behind her, the duvet resting over the both of them. She held back on her tears as she cradled the weeping girl’s head, lending her shoulder to cry on once again and she would continue doing so until her last breath. It would never matter what type of love they held for each other, she would always care even if everything else they used to have that was deeper had died.
It was a death neither of them knew how to cope with.
“I’m here for you.” She reassured her, kissing the top of her head.
“I hate this, Y/n—” Her sobs cut through her words, her hands gripping the duvet before they let go, feeling hopeless; what was there to hold on to in reality? There was nothing to hold onto as they both freely fell through hell for each other. It made them weak in so many ways. “Nothing is the same anymore and I don’t know what to do.” Acceptance was hard for anyone, it had always been hard, but it was even harder when it came to something they made their whole lives revolve around. How could they just accept that their worlds no longer circled the other?
It stung, it hurt deeply to think that this was possible, something they had never thought about had become their reality. The flower that bloomed with their love was dead. Yet these tears and the pain they felt at the thought of needing to let go made them want to try again. One last try to revive something that had been dead and cold for months. If some miracle happened, they would be able to bring it back to life. Their love would bloom from a dead flower at some point, they would continue watering it with their tears, crying over the dead flower that was their love in hopes of it coming back to life.
“We can make it work again.” Y/n wasn’t brave enough to say the words, she wasn’t strong enough to say them for Jimin and herself. To admit for the both of them that what was lost was lost and that it was time to say goodbye and bury their love because there was nothing to save once it was already gone.It was too difficult to bury it when they had yet to accept its death. They had no clue how to cope with everything.
It was eating at them, tearing them apart and glueing them back together into an even bigger mess.
“We can fix everything,” Y/n reassured, knowing that these could as well be empty words and new promises to break, but she couldn’t give up. She couldn’t give up on Jimin even if they were mistaking care and compassion for a small ember of love that they could turn into a fire. That fire had gone out a while ago and what was left were ashes.
“Do you think that’s possible?” She whimpered, wanting to do anything to try and grasp at that false little ember of hope.
“I don’t know,” Y/n whispered, just as uncertain, but she would do anything for Jimin even if it meant ruining herself.
They couldn’t know, but at least it was reassurance that they didn’t have to let go yet and could continue no matter how much it hurt because it would hurt even more if they were apart. It was too difficult to let go of someone they had built their lives around. They would hurt for each other and they would choose that over happiness with someone else because no one would ever be able to give them what they used to have.
They longed for each other’s love. They missed it and just wanted to feel it again but it was all gone. It no longer felt like it used to and they missed those feelings they used to have. Where did they go wrong for it to happen in the first place? What were they supposed to do to fix it? Let go and move on. Stay and continue to drag through the impossible to try and fix it?
They weren’t in love anymore, they just loved each other.
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Conversations with Hyunjin
or what i imagine dating Hyunjin would be like (kind of went overboard because i love this man).
warnings: reader feels insecure when hyunjin looks at them for too long. a little suggestive in the end. hyunjin is dramatic but we love him 🫶
if you enjoy please reblog or leave a comment,, means the world to me <3
Minho's version.
"Look a bit to the left... Perfect", Hyunjin gently grips your jaw, his paint-stained fingers slightly moving your head to the side. You were in Hyunjin's little art studio, and he was halfway through sketching a portrait of you.
He didn't explain why he suddenly wanted to draw one, but his multiple kisses on your face the night before were enough to convince you.
But now that you were sitting on this chair and he's been looking at you for the past half an hour, you can't help but feel self-conscious. He was intently staring at you- you wondered if he started to notice all the imperfections on your face.
Hyunjin's brush strokes falter when he realizes that you are fidgeting with your fingers. He tries to hold your gaze, but you avoid it each time, a tight smile drawn on your lips. You scratch your throat, once, twice, and he steps away from the canvas.
"Angel," he smiles when he's right before you. He doesn't have to look down to grab your hands- they find each other instinctively. "What's wrong?".
"Nothing," you attempt to smile, but your voice is strangled, and Hyunjin feels his heart drop in his chest.
"Am I making you uncomfortable?". His voice is quiet, a stark contrast to his excited demeanor when he just started painting you.
"No! No, baby. Never", you reassure, squeezing his hand tightly. "It's just... I feel like the more you stare at me, the more you'll notice my imperfections".
"What imperfections?" he questions seriously, his head tilted to the side as if the thought of you having a flaw was inconceivable.
"I don't know... I just don't like it when people stare at me a lot, I guess".
"My love, you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen," Hyunjin leans down, leveling his eyes with yours. He needed you to know how serious he was.
"You are only saying this because you love me," you smile, and he shakes his head no vehemently. "The first time I saw you, I squeezed Jisung's arm so bad I almost broke it."
You've lost count of how many times you've heard this story. Each time you hang out with the boys, Han has to remind Hyunjin that he was starstruck when he saw you. But it still made you feel warm inside- like a blanket tightly wrapped around you.
"You looked so beautiful, and you also had this alluring aura surrounding you. I wanted to talk to you as soon as I laid my eyes on you", he pecks your nose, and you scrunch it up in response.
"And I'm glad I did because not only you're the prettiest human alive," he leans away, his hands gesturing up and down in reverence, "but your soul is the most beautiful thing about you."
"Now," he gently flicks your forehead, and you laugh, "no more talk about imperfections."
"Yes, sir!" you giggle, and he smiles softly at you. "You know what? Let's leave the portrait for another day. Come sit with me while I draw?"
"You know I can't say no to that."
And so for the next hour, Hyunjin paints your favorite flowers with you curled up in his lap. You don't talk much as he draws, but his minty breath tickles your neck from time to time and you haven't felt this content in a while.
°°°°°°°°°°
"Babyyy, what's wrong?" you lean into Hyunjin's side, who was seemingly ignoring you. You've just returned from running some errands to find Hyunjin sulking on the bed.
"Nothing," he huffs, turning his head away from you.
"Then why aren't you kissing me?" you whine, and he steals a glance at you.
"Because you didn't kiss me first."
"What are you talking about?" you chuckle, making him sulk even more.
"In the morning, you didn't kiss me," he grumbles, and you internally melt at his antics. Sometimes Hyunjin made you feel as if he needed your kisses to breathe.
"I did, you were asleep, but I kissed your cheek."
"Well, I didn't feel it."
"Yeah, because you were asleep, dummy," you giggle, and he finally looks at you, his tongue poking slightly against his cheek. He knows he's been ridiculous but it was too late to back out now.
"Well, then you should've woken me up!"
"I will next time", you smile at him, and he brightens up, "You promise?"
"Pinky promise". You lace your pinky with his, and you both kiss your thumbs, stamping them together.
"Now come here" You open your arms wide, and he sinks into them. His mouth falls perfectly on top of your collarbone, and he grazes it gently with his teeth, making goosebumps erupt on your skin.
"Baby?", he calls out a while later.
"Mhm?"
"On second thought, don't wake me up. I probably need the sleep", he says sheepishly, and you giggle, "I know."
°°°°°°°°°°
"Hey, love," Hyunjin leans in to kiss your forehead, snapping you out of your haze.
"Hey," you turn your eyes back to the TV, hugging your knees tighter to your chest. You weren't really watching the movie you put on; you just needed something to take your mind off the weight on your chest.
"Bad day?" he asks, his tone soft, and you nod silently.
Hyunjin kisses your head again, and for a second, the world around you stills and you feel okay. But his lips quickly leave you, and you're left aching for his hold.
"Wait here," he tells you, and you hum in reply; you couldn't move even if you wanted to.
Ten minutes later, Hyunjin comes back to the living room. He pulls you up and leads you to the bathroom. There, you find some candles lit up and rose petals thrown on the ground.
"Let me take care of you," he says as he starts to undress you. You appreciated how he kept his voice barely above a whisper; the bathroom was fit for hushed conversations only.
When you are both bare in front of one another, he pulls you into the bath he filled- your back flush against his chest, and you sigh contently.
Hyunjin pours some gel wash into his hands, then rubs it on your skin, skillfully massaging your tense body. He's so gentle with you- his touch is featherlight, and his mouth leaves a sweet trail of kisses on your back. You feel as if you are floating in space, somewhere where no one can hurt you.
You notice that he used his body wash, not yours; and soon his scent surrounds you until all you could smell is him.
You know that this way, you'll carry Hyunjin with you throughout the night, and onto the following morning when he is no longer there with you.
His scent on your skin will remind you of how he took care of you, how he loved you, how he held you so close to him until you both became one.
°°°°°°°°°°°
"You don't have to stick your nose in the painting to see it", you giggle, and Hyunjin leans away, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.
"I'm trying to see the details. Leave me alone", he pokes his tongue out at you, and you retaliate with the same childish gesture, which in turn makes the both of you chuckle.
You lean your cheek against Hyunjin's arm, and you both contemplate the painting in comfortable silence. "I really wanna be poetic, but this just looks like a child's drawing," you finally say, and he laughs loudly, head tipped back- you can't help but stare in awe at how much joy suits him.
"That's what I thought too!" he high-fives you excitedly before grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the next painting.
It's one of a Renaissance couple kissing, their hands cradling each other's cheeks closely- as if they can't possibly get enough of each other.
"Now this is beautiful", you sigh, and he pokes your side gently. "Let's recreate it."
"You just want an excuse to kiss me", you wiggle your brows at him, and he holds your jaw, beckoning you closer to him.
"And what about it?" he smiles bashfully before crashing his soft lips on yours.
Hyunjin might be biased, but he thinks that if someone were to capture this moment, it would look much better than the painting behind you two.
°°°°°°°°°
"This bag is so heavy," Hyunjin whines, and you stare at him pointedly, "I told you not to buy all that stuff."
"But they were dumpling-themed toys for dogs! I had to get them for Kkami."
"That dog doesn't even like you," you tease, and Hyunjin screeches loudly, stopping in his tracks. "How dare you!"
As you two continue your bickering, an old couple passes you hand in hand. They are seemingly arguing, but as you near them, you can tell they are just joking- just like you two. The fond way they gazed at each other with was a clear testimony of their love.
You and Hyunjin both turn to look at each other; mouths slightly hang agape. "I just got chills," he whispers, and you nod in agreement, "I think we just saw our future selves."
"I can't believe you'll annoy me even when I'm seventy", he jokes, and you lightly punch his side. But in true Hyunjin fashion, he yelps loudly as if you had hurt him.
"Will you still be this dramatic when we are older?"
"This is the only correct way of living", he declares solemnly, and you laugh heartily. The truth is, you wouldn't have it any other way.
Hyunjin throws his arm over your shoulders, bringing you closer to his side. He presses a quick kiss to your head, and you wrap your arm around his middle, resuming your walk.
"I was always afraid of growing up, but it doesn't seem as daunting with you. Because I know I'll have you with me in the end", he says and you beam at his words.
"I can't wait to meet every version of ourselves."
"I know I'll love you in each."
"Yeah? Even if I annoy you every day?" you smile cheekily, and he pinches your cheek affectionately.
"Even then. You are my last love, yn".
°°°°°°°°°°
"Don't come in!", Hyunjin shouts as soon as you open the door. His arms are open wide like a shield blocking you from stepping forward.
"And why is that...?", you chuckle, slightly pushing him away to pass. He doesn't budge, and you frown.
"Please just go, go, go," he grabs your shoulders, spinning you around until you are facing the door again.
"Hyunjin, what are you hiding?" you ask, amused as you free yourself from his grip. He looks everywhere but at you, and doubt starts to seep inside you.
"Are you... are you with someone?"
"NO! God, no, how could you think that?"
"Well, you are acting suspicious, I don't know!" You throw your hands up in the air defensively, and he sighs.
"Fine, come see."
Hyunjin walks first into the kitchen, and you gasp softly. To say it's a mess would be an understatement. There are pots everywhere, flour on the ground, and some clearly not-edible cookies on the table.
"This is embarrassing" He hides his face between his hands, and you giggle, gently removing them.
"Did you try to bake for me?" you coo, leaning your face into his until your noses brush together.
"Yeah, I know you've been working hard, and I wanted to surprise you. But clearly, I shouldn't have."
You feel your heart clench at the defeated look on his face, so to cheer him up, you grab a cookie from the tray. Its brown color throws you off, but you still take a big bite. You try your hardest not to scrunch your nose because he definitely used salt and not sugar, and oh- that's an eggshell you are chewing right now.
"This is yummy," you force out, and he rolls his eyes at your blatant lies.
"Please spit it out. I don't want you to die from food poisoning."
You oblige eagerly, thankful for the opening, and Hyunjin leans against the counter, gazing sadly at the cookies.
"You are the best boyfriend in the world. You know that?"
He timidly shakes his head no, and you smile softly at him, "You are. Now let's clean this and order pizza. I'm starving."
"You are not mad?"
"Why would I be?"
"The kitchen is a mess."
"Well, it's our mess to clean up., And you doing this for me made me so so happy." You stand on your tiptoes and grab the back of his neck, pulling him downward for a kiss. When he leans away, you smile cheekily at him, and he rolls his eyes at you, "Come on, just say it."
"Leave the cookies to Felix."
"Noted."
°°°°°°°°°°°
"Guess who?" you whisper in Hyunjin's ears as you cover his eyes with your hands.
"An intruder who is oddly romantic?", Hyunjin jokes, and you flick the back of his head playfully, "I hate you."
Hyunjin turns around to grab your arm and drags you across the couch. "You love meee", he singsongs as he makes you stand between his legs.
"Yeah, I do" you giggle as he looks up at you, a huge smile on his face.
He looks so pretty from this angle, you think, his eyes wide and sincere poring into yours. You liked how Hyunjin never hid any of his emotions from you; and right now, you could clearly see the adoration he felt for you painted on his face.
You swipe your thumb affectionately across his cheek, and he leans into your touch, totally unguarded. "So... your birthday is in a month," you grin at him, "but since you'll be busy, I figured I'll give you your gift early on."
"You are my gift," his reply is instant. You once thought phrases like those were cheesy but you quickly realized that Hyunjin means them. He says them so easily because it's the truth for him.
"I think you'll really like this present," you smile excitedly as you pull out an envelope from your back pocket.
"Open it," you urge him, and he does as you say. He takes out two plane tickets and looks up at you, confused.
"What are those?"
"We are going to Paris!"
"We are?"
"Yes! In a week. I've prepared everything! I made all the reservations and a list of all the places we could visit. And I got us an exclusive tour of the exhibition you've been dying to see", you explain happily. You've been planning for this trip for a month now, you wanted it to be perfect for him.
Hyunjin's eyes well up with tears and he bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from crying. You knew how badly he wanted to go to Paris, and you went to all of these lengths to make him happy.
"Yn... I..." he stammers, and you hold his hands, gently squeezing them into yours. "It's okay, Jinnie. I know."
"No, I need to say it... I..." he pulls you onto his lap and you place your legs on either side of his body. He buries his head in the crook of your neck, and you pat his back gently, giving him a few moments to gather his thoughts.
"The reason why I wanted to draw your portrait is because I wanted you to see yourself how I see you. I wanted to capture you in a way only I can because I'm so in love with you," he pauses and you kiss his temple, overcome by emotion.
"I hoped that decades from now, someone would find those portraits and they will see how perfect you are. This way, you'll live again through my paintings and my love for you."
"Jinnie...." you whisper, at loss for words. Now it was your turn to tear up.
"Can I finish your portrait in Paris?", he clears his throat and you giggle through your tears, "Please."
"We also should get a portrait done of the two of us on the streets. And we'll hang it in the living room."
"Isn't that a bit pretentious?"
"It's our home. Who's picture are we going to frame? Han?"
"I mean he is our biggest supporter...", you trail off and he laughs at your words, "He really is. But I'm your number one fan."
"Prove it", you smirk and he flips you around until you are laying on the couch and he's caging you with his arms- the necklace he bought with your initial on it dangling over you.
"Oh I will."
------------------
(if you want to know how Hyunjin celebrated op's birthday, you can read When I fell in love heheheh)
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the mafia boss’s wife
Pairing: Seonghwa x Y/N
Tropes: mafia husband au, arranged marriage (briefly mentioned), hurt/ comfort, danger, protective seonghwa
T/W: descriptions of a physical assault + subsequent injuries, cursing
Words: 2k
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“Are you sure you’re done, Y/N?”
Startled from pushing the peas around on your plate, you looked up into Mingi’s eyes. Of course, everyone had noticed that you had only managed to take a few bites of your dinner, but only he would be bold enough to call you out on it.
You scrunched your nose. “Yea. I just feel kinda beat actually.” Work had been a lot lately, and you just wanted to snuggle under your covers and put an end to such a long week.
Seonghwa squeezed your thigh under the table in comfort. You turned to look at your mafia husband, a soft smile on your lips. He looked at you with worry in his eyes. Your heart softened at such an expression of concern from him; he was usually so stoic (with everyone else but you, that is). It had intimidated you so much at the beginning of your arranged marriage before you saw his deeply caring nature and kind heart.
You shook your head gently at his unspoken question before addressing the rest of the boys. “I’m just gonna head to bed. I’ll see ya when I see ya. Be safe.”
Jongho waved, Yeosang and San nodded at you emphatically, Wooyoung rolled his eyes “You worry too much, Y/N,” and Hongjoong and Yunho wished you a good night’s sleep.
Seonghwa kept a hold of your hand as you got up and walked you to the double doors of the massive dining room. “Do you want me to walk you up, my love?”
You pushed his shoulder lightly. “No, you haven’t even finished dinner. Besides, I know you guys are hitting the South Bay tonight. Don’t think you can get anything past me, and I want you to go in as prepared as you can. I alsoo know you won’t discuss the details in front of me.”
He pressed his lips to your wrist, his eyes alight with mischief and danger. “My beautiful wife. You really do worry too much. We will be fine.”
You just looked at him and bit your lip, as your mind drew up all kinds of scenarios in which you lost him. He knew you well enough after 2 years of marriage though and pulled you out of your spiral before it could get too drastic.
“Hey, don’t do that.” He lifted your chin up for you to meet his eyes. “The job tonight is child’s play; we could do it blindfolded. And, you know that I will always always do everything in my power to come back home to you.”
At the absolute certainty in his voice, the knot in your chest released a little. You put your head against his chest. “Wake me up when you’re back.”
“Y/N..” His pout really was too adorable.
You looked up at him seriously. “I’m serious. I need to know you’re safe, as soon as possible.”
He sighed. “Alright, alright. You know I can never say no to you. Torture me, sure. Make me disturb your rest when you look like an angel, I’d love to.”
You chuckled at his antics and pushed him back to the table.
“Be safe. I love you.”
“Goodnight, baby!”
You smiled to yourself as you walked up the three flights of stairs and across the landing to your wing of the house.
As you entered your room, something felt off. You looked around, trying to convince your overactive mind that you were imagining the negative energy. You made to take a step towards your bathroom, when your eyes strayed back to the curtain fluttering in the wind. You never left the window open. Before you could scream, you felt a hand wrap around your mouth.
“Let’s keep this simple. You come with us quietly. And we let you live. You make a sound. You die a slow death when we get to where we need to go. Got it?”
You froze, and fear coursed through your body. Keep your head. Stay calm. Before you were a mafia boss’s wife, you were a mafia boss’s daughter. You were trained for situations like these.
You struggled to the right. As expected, the assailant’s grip tightened. He clearly had not expected a fight and was trying to adjust his footing to manage. But you had managed your goal. You grabbed the nail file from the dresser you had stumbled into and jammed it backwards, hoping it would hit his eye. From his sudden release, it had. Falling forward, you rushed toward where the panic button was on the other side of the room. You were almost there when a hand grabbed you around the ankle and pulled you down. Your head slammed down on the floor. Your lip felt warm where you had bit it on impact. As you began to be dragged backwards, you used the momentum to twist around and kick your other foot in his face. You noticed a scar across his eye. The one second it took to break the hold was all you needed. You crawled forward that last inch and pressed the button.
The immediacy left you. Help was on the way. Seonghwa would be here soon. In the meantime, there was nothing around you to use as a weapon, and this guy had a foot and a half on you. He was already up before you could form a game plan. He grabbed you around the throat and slammed you back into the wall.
“You’re gonna pay for that, you little bitch.” At least he wasn’t going to kidnap you immediately. That gave the guys a chance to get to your room in time. You tried to hold on as black spots danced around your vision.
No sooner had the thought crossed your mind when you distantly heard the door slam open and a cacophony of voices.
The pressure around your throat released. You sank down to the ground, trying to recover and remain alert enough to help in the fight. Hands immediately grabbed you and started to carry you across your room back to the door. The heat of a body in front of you and behind you. You gulped the air down.
“Y/N, Y/N, can you breathe? Are you ok?”
Yunho set you down at the threshold of the door but kept his arms around you until Wooyoung stepped back to keep a hold of you. Yeosang rushed past the both of you, yelling back that he was getting the first aid kit.
As your vision cleared, you finally took in the state of the fight. San and Jongho were checking all the entrances and exits, presumably for other attackers. Hongjoong was simultaneously piling up all the attacker’s weapons and yelling at someone on the phone. Mingi and Yunho, being the tallest, were trying their best to hold Seonghwa back. He was moving so fast, he looked like a blur. The intruder wasn’t even moving anymore, and his face was already just a smear of red.
A shaky breath left you. The danger was over. You needed Seonghwa now.
Jongho joined you and Wooyoung. Your knees gave out beneath you. They shared a look of alarm, but they understood immediately. You were strong enough for the fight, but now that the fight was done, you needed just one thing. San saw you collapse and rushed over to you.
“Ya, hyung!” You don’t know who called to him, but he didn’t listen.
You had never seen Seonghwa in such a rage. On the few occasions where the guys had let you witness some of the action, he took on the role of taunting the target, toying with them until he got what he needed or beating up the victims almost lazily. Now he was focused and lethal. He moved with such precision; it was almost beautiful. You didn’t think he would ever stop.
At this point, Hongjoong was also trying to restrain Seonghwa . “Y/N needs you!”
He slowed down at the mention of your name but didn’t stop.
Your voice was just a broken whisper. “Seonghwa.”
He stilled. It took one second. And then he was rushing towards you. His hands cradled your face. The look on his face was one you would never forget.
He said nothing; his eyes anguished.
“We need to treat her injuries, hyung.”
He closed his eyes briefly before they opened again, and he nodded. His hands slipped down to hold you up, and Yeosang led the way to the next room. You sat down on the couch, but Seonghwa’s hold never loosened. All you could do was look at each other while Yeosang prepared some gauze.
You watched him with gratitude. You were alive. You had not laid your eyes on him for the last time. He was here. You were here. You had time, hopefully a whole lifetime together- it had not been cut short tonight. The aches and pains suddenly left you, and you almost let loose as hysterical giggle at how happy you were.
As joyful as you were, it quickly gave way to concern as you took in the look in his eyes. Eyes that swirled with pain and guilt. Sighing, you recognized immediately what was eating at him.
“Seonghwa, I’m fine.”
Anger blazed in them now. “You are not fine.”
“It’s just a few bruises. I’m okay.”
He turned to Yeosang, who quickly jumped into a status report. “From what I could see so far, she has superficial bruises on her throat, ankle, and wrists. The bleeding on her face is just from her lip but has already stopped bleeding. If I’m right, then he probably grabbed you, you fell, and that’s how you busted your lip. If that’s true, I wanna make sure you don’t have a concussion from hitting your head when that happened. Otherwise, some painkillers, a lot of rest, and she will be fine, hyung.”
The thunderous expression on his face did not waver, however.
You sighed and looked back at Yeosang and lifted your eyebrows. He took the hint and left. You could hear whispers commence outside and were touched at the guys’ concern for you, but it would have to wait. Seonghwa had opened his mouth angrily to protest, but you turned in his arms before he could.
“Thank you for saving me.” A few tears slipped out as you recalled how close it had been. His fury morphed into worry, and he wiped your tears as he held you gently.
“I know you’re concerned about me-”
“That doesn’t even begin to cover it.” His voice was full of angst.
Your hands came up to either side of his face.
“I promise you- I am okay. This is nothing compared to how bad it could have been- what he promised to do. I know it hurts you when I’m hurt. I’m sorry.” You pressed your forehead against his.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Y/N. It’s me who should be apologizing. I promised you the day I married you that I would never ever let anything hurt you. I.. I can’t even begin to start apologizing for that- I can’t live with myself. I couldn’t if something happened to you-”
“Sh, sh. Nothing happened to me. You got to me in time. You protected me. You can’t control everything. You did your best. I feel safest with you. Now, please stop this and just hold me.” Something in his eyes gave a little. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve had kind of a tiring night.”
He chuckled weakly at your attempt at levity. “I’m all yours. Anything you need. Forever.”
You smiled enthusiastically.
“After you get patched up and take some pain meds.”
You huffed at him but stuck your pinky out. “Deal.”
Everyone outside was probably eavesdropping, because no sooner had he said that the guys started filing in, crying out in concern and settling around you and Seonghwa.
You smiled at everyone, rolled your eyes against Seonghwa’s indignation and hovering behavior when WooSan barely jostled you, and nestled against him anyways. Your ear to his heart.
“I figured out a way for you to live with yourself by the way.”
His hands stroked through your hair. “Oh? What’s that?”
A mean little smile to copy his. “Revenge.”
His laugh was hearty. You were lulled to sleep.
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I've read your little reader posts and I'm addicted. I haven't been able to find a single other writer for things like this and your writing is just *chef's kiss*
I loved the nightmare one and I was going to ask about little reader having a nightmare with a different scenario where little reader wakes up from a nightmare and sneaks(or "sneaks") into bed with their cg for better sleep.
Love your work, hope your day/night is amazing. If you don't want to write this for any reason, I won't be offended.
❤️Ultimate Masterlist
💜Rules and Guidelines
🧡Stray Kids Scenarios Masterlist
🌹CW
Wholesome|Hurt/Comfort|Domestic Settings|Fluffy|Soft Reassurance Fic|Tooth Rotting Sweet
💌 This is a work of fiction, I by all means don't force ship anyone. They have the right to love whomever they want.
🍄Wordcount: 1.1K
Scenario
You whined, holding your plush close to your chest. Fear seeped into your mind as you tried to coax yourself back to sleep. Thoughts taunted each time you closed your eyes. "Caregiver Title," you sniffled, rubbing your eyes with your plush. The silence felt eerie and you wanted nothing more than your caregiver with you. "Need you," you whispered, crawling off your bed, clutching your plush. You patted the walls in the hallway, finding your way to your caregiver's room.
Bang Chan
"Daddy," you whispered, hearing snores coming from the bed. You huffed, crawling onto his bed, "Daddy," you repeated, patting Chan's chest. Chan furrowed his eyebrows, "It's still early," he grumbled, trying to roll aside. Your lips wobbled, "Daddy," you sniffled, holding his cheeks. Chan's eyes flew open, "Little one, why are you crying, hm?" he asked, slightly disorientated. Tears dripped down your cheeks, and silent cries escaped your lips. "Daddy got you, little one. Daddy's silly for not waking up properly," he cooed, rocking your body. You sniffled, burying your face into his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Chan sighed in relief the moment sleep caught up to you. "I'll always be right here," he whispered, chuckling softly at his pounding heart.
Lee Minho
Your lips pursed into a pout, crawling onto Minho's bed, "Mama," you said, nosing his neck. Minho gruffed as he was used to his cats sleeping on his face. You whined, nipping his cheek, "Mama," you whined, tears threatening to spill. Minho jolted in his sleep, eyes squinting awake, "What are you doing awake, cupcake?" he asked, stroking your hair. A whine escaped your lips as you relaxed your weight on him. Minho chuckled, kissing your forehead, "Did you have a bad dream?" he asked, shifting to pull the blankets over you. "It scawy, Mama," you sniffled, tears dripping onto Minho's skin. He cooed, tucking you in with him, "Mama's going to have to protect his little cupcake," he said, giving you a tight reassuring squeeze. You giggled, melting in his arms.
Seo Changbin
"Baba, uppies please," you whispered, shaking Changbin's sleeping body. He groaned, accidentally shifting you with him. You squeaked, knocking his headboard with a thud. Sobs wasn't hesitant to escape past your lips. "Baba!" you exclaimed, flinching Changbin awake. "Agi? Agi-ah what's wrong?" he panicked, sitting up to hold you close. You whimpered, bringing his palm to the owie on your head, "Huwts," you cried, holding your plush towards your chest. Changbin felt his heart drop, "Don't worry, hm? Baba's kisses have magic powers," he coaxed, wiping your tears. You hiccuped, looking up at him with sorrow-filled eyes. Changbin cooed, kissing the area you held, "Baba will kiss the pain away, agi-ah" he said, smooching your owie.
Hwang Hyunjin
You whined, crawling into the space next to Hyunjin. "Up, Jinnie," you whispered, poking his cheek but to no avail. You huffed, wiggling under the comforters covering him. Hyunjin instinctively, wrapped his arms around you, tucking you against his chest. A yawn escaped your lips, the fear of your nightmare no longer plaguing your mind. Hyunjin groaned, scrunching his nose, when your hair brushed his lips. You yawned once more, pressing your plush against your cheek as you squirmed to get yourself comfortable. Hyunjin tightened his hold, sleepily rocking your body, "Sleep," he mumbled, kissing your forehead. A final yawn escaped your lips as you shifted, pressing your back against his chest. Hyunjin smiled in his sleep, "Sleep good," he whispered, holding you tight.
Han Jisung
"Appa," you grumbled, climbing onto his bed. Jisung woke up from the motion, "Sweetheart?" he slurred, sleep still coating his mind. You huffed, plopping onto him. Jisung felt the air get knocked out of his lungs, "What was that for, hm?" he chuckled, wrapping his arms around you. "Bad dweam," you sulked, pressing your face further into his chest. Jisung cooed, kissing your forehead, "Aww, sweet thing. You just couldn't sleep after that, could you?" he asked, running his fingers through your hair. You shook your head, turning to press your cheek on his shoulder. Jisung hummed, sitting up with you in his lap, "Let's get comfy and sleep, hm? It's quite early, sweetheart," he whispered, pulling the blankets over the both of you.
Lee Felix
You tiptoed into the room, expecting your Mommy to be in deep sleep when you heard the crudes of slurs. "Mommy?" you questioned, walking towards the sound. Felix screamed when you poked his shoulder. You flinched, tripping back on a misplaced carpet. Felix's eyes widened, "My sunshine!" he exclaimed, quickly tugging off his headset to pick you up. Tears spilt down your face as the dull sting from the fall ached your bottom. Felix whimpered, pampering kisses all over your face, "Oh, oh, my precious sunbeam, you gave Mommy a big scare you know that," he said, holding you close. You sniffled, trembling in his arms. "Aww, sunshine. I'm not mad. Mommy's not mad," he said, wiping your tears. Felix sighed, kissing your nose, "Come on, sunshine. You can sleep on Mommy's lap while he plays," he said, getting himself comfortable with you cosy on his lap.
Kim Seungmin
"Dada, help," you whispered, nudging Seungmin's arm. You sulked, raising to smack Seungmin's face with the plush when he stopped your plush. "Are you trying to murder Dada while he's sleeping, munchkin?" he rasped, sitting up. You sniffled, "Dada, hug," you whined, crawling into his lap. He chuckled, rubbing your tummy, "Did you have a nightmare?" he questioned, smelling the traces of baby shampoo. You nodded, nuzzling his shoulder, "T'was scawy," you mumbled, yawning at the warmth. Seungmin nodded, "We should go back to sleep, munchkin," he yawned, kissing your forehead. You yawned back, getting comfortable in his hold. Seungmin chuckled, patting your bottom, "Scoots aside," he said, cuddling you to his chest.
Yang Jeongin
You quietly snuck your way into Jeongin's bed, tucking yourself under his blankets. Jeongin flinched at the movement, "Angel?" he questioned, facing you. "Ninnin," you whined, nuzzling into his back. Jeongin chuckled, setting his phone aside, "You're lucky I'm still awake," he said, wrapping his arms around you. "What's keeping you awake, my sweet little angel?" he asked, booping your nose. You sniffled, hiding your face behind your plush, "Nightmawe," you slurred. Jeongin frowned, kissing the top of your head, "Aww, my precious. You're safe now, Ninnin's got you right here," he chuckled, rubbing your back. You yawned, melting into his touch, eyes getting droopy by the second. Jeongin hummed, "Big squeeze," he whispered, holding you tight.
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Burden | Dream Reaction #11
Reaction: When their gf feels like a burden to them
Genre: Hurt/comfort
Warnings: mentions of anxiety, dark thoughts, mental health issues
Word Count: 3593k
Author's Note: This reaction was requested by an anon, which I am very grateful for. I feel like the theme for this reaction is pretty common in my stories. So I tried my best to come up with different scenarios and not sound too repetitive. Writing this story made me think of how all the members of NCT Dream are such sweethearts, honestly. I hope you guys like this and please feel free to request more! Thank you for reading ^ ^
~ ~ ~
MARK
Lately, there’s been this growing distance between you and Mark. You hated yourself for feeling this way because Mark was nothing short of the perfect boyfriend. He treated you with kindness and respect. He didn’t hesitate to show his feelings for you and cared for you in ways that no one else in your life has.
But you were someone who carried a lot of insecurities. Frequently, you found yourself pondering if you were truly worthy of Mark's affection. He was constantly busy with his back-and-forth schedules between 127 and Dream. Yet he still made the time to call you and ask how your day went. You felt like you didn’t deserve him.
One evening, you were engaging in a deep conversation with Taeyong at the 127 dorm. As the leader figure of the group, you sometimes found yourself confiding in the male when it came to concerns about your relationship. Unbeknownst to you, Mark happened to be present at the dorm that evening, and as he walked down the hallway, he overheard your voice drifting from the living room.
“I don’t know…Mark is so sweet and loving,” you spoke with uncertainty, as you held a couch pillow close to your chest.“Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m a burden to him.”
He observed Taeyong place a comforting hand on your shoulder. “(Y/n), you’re an amazing girlfriend and Mark cares about you a lot. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself,” he tried to reassure you.
You let out a sigh, “I know…but I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never be good enough for him.”
Mark genuinely had no idea you were feeling this way. He’d stay up the rest night, replaying your words in his head. You were so important to Mark, and he couldn’t bear the thought of his life without you. Knowing that you felt so insecure saddened him deeply.
A few days later you received a text from Mark, asking you to meet him at the studio. The message felt somewhat random, but you headed to his company building, unsure of what to expect.
When you walked into the studio, Mark was sitting on the sofa with a guitar in hand. At first, you were confused until his fingers began strumming to a familiar tune.
“Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they’re not shinin’. Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying,” he sang softly. “She’s so beautiful, and I tell her every day.”
You couldn’t help but laugh, finding it almost surreal that Mark Lee was serenading you with a Bruno Mars song. But the charming smile on his lips didn’t leave as he finished the first verse.
“Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won’t believe me.
And it’s so, it’s so sad to think that she don’t see what I see.”
His fingers continued to strum the instrument as he stood up and walked up to you, singing the chorus with heartfelt emotion.
“When I see your face, there’s not a thing I would change. Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.” He gazed into your eyes, singing the lyrics with such love and admiration. “And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile. Cause girl you’re amazing, just the way you are.”
Your hands were clasped over your mouth, and tears glistened in your eyes as Mark sang the rest of the song. The raw emotion in his voice and the sweet lyrics touched you deeply, making this moment feel incredibly intimate. The romantic gesture felt so sudden, making you wonder what brought this all on.
After the song finished, Mark gently took your hand in his. “(Y/n), I heard you talking to Taeyong hyung the other day. And I wanted to let you know that you’re never a burden to me.”
You felt a mixture of surprise and gratitude, touched by his openness and the effort he took to address your concerns. The love in his eyes reaffirmed that he meant every word, and a sense of comfort washed over you as he held your hand, grounding you in the present moment.
"I cherish every part of you," Mark continued, his voice unwavering. "In good times and challenging ones, we're in this together. You can always lean on me. I'm here to support you through everything."
His words were like a warm embrace, wrapping around your heart and reaffirming the love you shared. In that moment, you knew that you were truly seen and valued by Mark, and your heart overflowed with love for this incredible person beside you.
✎__________________________________________________________
RENJUN
While you were in the kitchen preparing lunch, Renjun was relaxing in the living room. His group had just finished their promotional activities for their latest comeback, leaving him exhausted from the busy schedule. However, you became a bit flustered when you attempted to reach for an ingredient on a top shelf but found yourself unable to reach it.
Sighing in frustration, you stole a glance at Renjun, who was lying on the couch. Perhaps he could lend you a hand with this predicament. But as you started to hesitate when you approached him. His arm covered his eyes, as his chest slowly rose up and down with each slow breath he took. You didn’t want to disturb him when he looked so peaceful.
Renjun’s eyes slowly opened as he watched you walk away. Curious, he stood up from the couch and quietly followed you into the kitchen. The corner of his lips upturned in a small smile when he saw you struggle to get something from the cabinet.
When you felt Renjun extend his arm to retrieve the ingredient for you, you nearly jumped and turned around in surprise.
Renjun looked at you endearingly and said, “You could’ve just asked me, (Y/n).”
“I know, but you were resting and I didn’t want to bother you,” you frowned.
In response to this, Renjun planted a soft kiss on your forehead. “You could never bother me, darling,” he reassured, brushing away a loose strand of hair behind your ear.
You blushed at his warm gesture and whispered a "thank you" before returning to what you were doing before. Renjun was truly a sweetheart, and his caring nature never failed to make you feel loved and appreciated.
✎__________________________________________________________
JENO
The day had been long and overwhelming. Honestly, you were just glad that it was almost over. All you wanted right now was to be in your boyfriend’s arms. However, when you entered the bedroom, you found Jeno engrossed in a videogame on his computer.
Approaching him quietly, you softly called his name. “Jeno-ssi.”
“Yeah, babe?” He responded, keeping his eyes focused on the screen in front of him.
You felt discouraged when you saw how concentrated he was on his game. Not wanting to bother him, you took a step back. “I—actually, never mind.”
Jeno caught the hesitance in your voice and spun around in his chair. Just as you were walking away, he reached to grab your hand.
“No, babe, what is it?” he asked, concern evident in his voice. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment now that you had his attention. Even if you tried to brush him off again, you knew he wouldn’t let you go.
“I was going to ask if we could cuddle. but I don’t want to distract you from your game,” you muttered, avoiding his gaze. You couldn’t help but feel silly for wanting something so seemingly small.
Jeno’s eyes softened at your words, and in the next second, you were being pulled into his lap. He loved nothing more than holding you in his arms and pressing kisses into your hair. The idea that you thought he would reject you, puzzled him.
“You can always ask me for cuddles, babe,” he whispered softly, his arms wrapped securely around you. “I love being with you, and I don’t want you to feel like it’s a bother.”
You slowly smiled and allowed your head to rest on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. His touch radiated so much comfort and warmth that it seemed to chase away any lingering insecurities or anxious thoughts from earlier. For the remainder of the night, he kept you in his lap as he played his game. Eventually, he retired from the computer and proceeded to cuddle you in the comforts of your bed. Jeno just loved being close to you and he wanted to ensure that you never felt like you were bothering him again.
✎__________________________________________________________
HAECHAN
Something didn’t feel right when Haechan entered your apartment. After sliding on the familiar gray slippers you always kept for him, he shuffled through the darkness of your living room. His feet padded down the hallway, guided by the faint glow of light escaping beneath your bedroom door. He paused outside the closed door. Apprehension filled him when he heard your shaky breathing.
Haechan swallowed nervously before raising his hand to the door and lightly tapping his knuckles against the wood. “(Y/n)?” he called out softly. “Is it okay if I come in?”
When he was met with an unsettling silence, his determination urged him to slowly turn the doorknob and gently push open the door. The second he stepped inside his eyes fell on you sitting at the foot of the bed with your head buried in your hands. His heart broke at the sight of your body visibly trembling.
Haechan knew you hated it whenever he found you in this state of vulnerability. When he was present, you often put on a brave face for him. You were always trying to maintain this cheerful facade, even when things were not okay. He understood the effort you made to protect him from your inner struggles. But the thought of you hurting weighed heavily on his heart.
With a small sigh, Haechan closed the door behind him. He noticed you tense up when he approached you cautiously.
“(Y/n),” he started to say, extending his hand towards you in a gesture of comfort.
But you shook your head vigorously and pulled away from him. “Please, just go away Hyuck. I don’t want to see me like this,” you pleaded.
His expression faltered at your attempt to push him away. He could sense the pain and he wasn’t going to let you face it alone.
“(Y/n), whatever it is…just let me be there for you,” he said.
But your head shook again, almost as if your brain was refusing to let Haechan’s words comfort you. Your fists repeatedly banged against your head, the pain momentarily numbing the overwhelming thoughts and emotions within you.
“I’m a mess, Haechan. I’m broken and damaged,” you cried. “I’m…I’m nothing but a burden right now.”
Haechan’s eyes widened with panic and he firmly grabbed your wrists to stop your self-destructive actions. “Hey, hey, don’t hurt yourself,” he murmured, trying to calm you down. “Who put those thoughts in your head, huh?”
As more tears cascaded down your cheek, Haechan loosened his grip on one of your hands and gently brushed away the tears with his thumb.
“Look at me, (Y/n),” Haechan whispered. He gently lifted your chin, locking your gaze with his.
“You are not a burden, nor are you broken or damaged,” he said, caressing your cheek. “Please don’t believe those lies your mind tells you.”
His voice was filled with a seriousness that resonated deep within your heart. The tears slowed and your body gradually stopped shaking. Once he was sure you wouldn’t resist, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a warm embrace. His chin rested atop your head, providing security, while his fingers tenderly stroked your hair.
“I know it’s hard for you to see yourself the way I see you,” he continues. “But trust me when I say you’re the strongest person I know, (Y/n).”
The outside world receded as his words sank in. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and surrendered to his comforting embrace. No matter how frequently the inner demons resurfaced, Haechan remained steadfast in banishing them. Within his arms, you never felt safer.
✎__________________________________________________________
JAEMIN
Although you woke up this morning with a fever, that didn’t stop you from attending all your morning classes. It wasn’t that big of a deal, and you fully planned to spend the rest of the day in bed. However, when Jaemin sent a text asking if you wanted to come by his dance practice, you couldn’t turn him down. You also knew that if you told Jaemin you were sick, he’d get worried, and you didn’t want that.
Despite you not feeling your best, seeing Jaemin’s smile when you entered the practice room forced you to suck it up. The other members greeted you cheerfully, and their faces lit up when they spotted the bag of food in your hand.
“I missed you so much (Y/n),” Jaemin said. He spun you around in a hug that left you feeling a bit uneasy due to your headache. But you tried to push it off, not wanting to dampen the joyful atmosphere.
As you sat with the boys, you slowly started to realize that you weren't feeling any better. The fatigue and discomfort seemed to intensify, making it challenging to keep up with their energy.
Mark was the first to notice your lack of presence in the group. “Are you okay, (Y/n)? You look a little pale.”
“I—I’m fine. Just a little tired,” You mustered a weak smile as you gathered everyone’s trash to throw away. But as soon as you got up, the room started to spin.
Jaemin and the others stood panicked when they saw you lose balance. Luckily, Jaemin reacted quickly and caught you when your vision blurred out. The new thing you knew, you woke up a few moments later, finding yourself resting on Jaemin’s lap.
“Baby, why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?” he scolded lightly, stroking your hair. “You scared me.”
Seeing the genuine concern in his eyes made you feel a little guilty. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to be a burden to you,” you mumbled, slowly sitting up with Jaemin’s help.
Your boyfriend sighed and cupped your face in his hands. “No baby! You’re never a burden to me, especially when it comes to your health.”
Jaemin tried to convince you to go home, worried about your well-being. But you insisted on staying, wanting to support him. Throughout the rest of practice, he kept checking up on you. Despite some teasing and complaints from the other members about how disgusting and cute you guys were, you didn’t pay them much attention.
Seeing how much Jaemin cared for you and how attentive he was to your needs made you feel deeply loved and cherished.
✎__________________________________________________________
CHENLE
Gift-giving was Chenle’s love language, and it was something you still haven’t adjusted to. While you appreciated the thoughtfulness behind receiving flowers and stuffed animals from your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. You didn’t like him frequently spending money on you when he could save it for something more important. At the end of the day, you understood that this was Chenle’s way of expressing his love and you didn’t want to diminish that.
One afternoon, the two of you were at an outdoor mall on a date. The initial plan was just to do some window shopping. But there was a clothes shop place that Chenle suggested you guys check out. The two of you walked around the store for a bit and there was a dress that caught your eye. It was a simple plaid black dress adorned with white sleeves. The classic design exuded an elegance that matched your fashion style.
However, your interest was forgotten when you picked up the price tag. There was no way you were going to spend so much money on one dress. Chenle noticed your eyes widening and followed your gaze to the dress you were looking at.
“Oh, that would look so cute on you,” he remarked.
You smiled sheepishly and let go of the fabric. “Yeah, but it’s pretty expensive. I don’t think I should buy it.”
Chenle smiled and swung his arm around your shoulder. “Who says you’re buying the dress? Don’t worry baby, I got you.”
A frown immediately tugged at your lips. The idea of him paying already made you feel bad. Even if the dress was nice, you were perfectly fine with not having it.
“Chenle, you don’t have to do that. I’m not worth this,” you said quietly. The carefree expression on Chenle’s face turned to one of confusion.
“What do you mean you’re not worth it?” he asked. “You’re worth every cent of my money and love.”
“But I don’t want to burden you,” you emphasized. “It’s just a dress Chenle, I don’t need it.”
Sighing softly, Chenle cupped your cheeks into his hands, making sure you were looking into his eyes. “Listen here future Mrs. Zhong, you are not a burden or anything of the sort. You’re worthy of anything in this world and I will prove it to you at any cost.”
His words caused heat to rise to your cheeks. But when you lowered your head in embarrassment, Chenle brought your face back up and kissed you. He couldn’t care less about the nearby customers who were now staring at you two.
Feeling even more flustered, you pulled away in surprise. “Zhong Chenle, you can’t just kiss me in front of all these people!”
“Well if you don’t want me to kiss you again, you’re going to come with me to check this out.” Your boyfriend smiled mischievously and took the dress off the rack.
Any more protests from you went ignored, as the boy was already taking your hand and leading you to the checkout area. Chenle was definitely something else, always managing to surprise you with his spontaneous and caring nature. But you were grateful to have such a loving boyfriend. You could always count on him to make you feel like the most special girl in the world.
✎__________________________________________________________
JISUNG
He was just roaming around your apartment as you were in the kitchen making instant ramen for the two of you. It was Jisung’s second time visiting, and he wanted to become more familiar with your living space. He wandered into the bedroom, instantly picking up on how everything was so neat and tidy. He smiled when he spotted a framed picture of him on your nightstand. Seeing the photograph there filled him with warmth, knowing that you held him close to your heart.
However, he also noticed a small black journal on your nightstand. Curious, he picked up the object and opened it absentmindedly. His eyes quickly widened in horror as he read the top words on the second page.
It was a list of the things you didn't like about yourself. His heart sank as he saw pages filled with bullet points, each one representing the insecurities you carried within. Dread filled him as he skimmed over the reasons that varied from your looks to what you perceived as flaws.
What hurt him the most was the last one on the bottom, which said: “I am a burden to everyone around me.” The weight of those words hit him like a tidal wave, leaving his heart heavy with a mix of sadness and anguish.
“Jisung what are you—” You entered the room, wondering what he was doing in here.
Your body froze when you saw the notebook clutched tightly in his hands. The sight immediately filled you with panic, uncertain of how much he read.
Jisung glanced up, looking like he was about to cry. “(Y/n), do you really think you’re a burden?”
The sadness in his tone only confirmed your fears and caused a wave of vulnerability to wash over you. You took a hesitant step closer, wanting to reach out and comfort him, yet also feeling exposed and uncertain of how to respond. But when tears began to spill out of Jisung’s eyes, you rushed to his side.
“Baby I—” You tried to say something, but the words caught in your throat.
"Was there something I did or said to make you think that?" He fretted, his brows furrowing with genuine concern.
Shaking your head, you wrapped your arms around him. “No, you didn’t do anything Jisungie. It’s just me that’s the problem.”
Hearing your confession only made him feel worse. The realization that you had been struggling with these feelings of, and he didn’t know killed him. As your boyfriend, he felt responsible for not being there to show how much you meant to him.
“(Y/n), I…I love you so much,” Jisung cried, his voice muffled against your shirt. “You’re never a burden to me or…or anyone. Please don’t think that way.”
You slowly exhaled, offering soothing pats on the boy’s back as you tried to comfort him. Seeing how deeply upset Jisung was about this surprised you. It took a few minutes for you to get him to stop crying. You rocked him back and forth in your embrace, pressing kisses into his hair and whispering apologies. Once he calmed down, you promised Jisung you’d work on being less critical of yourself and be more open about your feelings with him.
✎__________________________________________________________
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"You work just as hard as me"
pairing — idolbf!jeongin x fem!reader; established relationship
word count — 3.2k
warnings — she/her reader, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, lots of kissing and cuddling, mild cussing, insecurity themes, reader is depicted as being really smart
summary — jeongin has always been insecure about his academics. ever since he met you, he knew you were the smartest girl he's ever met. you also always made it feel like he learned more from you than from school itself and he admired you for it. he never really attended high school and barely ever had good grades. due to this, jeongin always told himself he was just stupid and never deserved someone like you.
As you anxiously logged into your student portal to check your midterm results, your heart raced. Jeongin, being the supportive boyfriend he is, sat beside you, his eyes filled with anticipation. You both knew how much effort you had put into your studies, and the results would finally unveil the fruits of your hard work.
As the grade appeared on the screen, your eyes widened with disbelief. You had not only passed but had excelled beyond your own expectations. A brilliant smile broke across your face as you turned to Jeongin, who was watching you with eager eyes.
"Jeongin, look!" you exclaimed, pointing at the screen. "I got a 96! Can you believe it?"
Jeongin's face lit up with genuine joy as he took in the fantastic news. "Wow, that's amazing, Y/n! I knew you could do it!" He enveloped you in a warm hug, radiating pride. "I'm so proud of you."
You couldn't contain your happiness. You leaned back, gazing into Jeongin's eyes. With a beaming smile, Jeongin cupped your face in his hands and planted a sweet kiss on your lips. The excited bubbled up within you, and without thinking, you jumped onto him in sheer joy.
Jeongin, caught by surprise, chuckled at your joy. He playfully tickled you, his fingers dancing along your sides as you giggled uncontrollably. The room echoed with the sound of your laughter. Jeongin's laughter mingling with yours made the celebration even more special. As the tickling subsided, you found yourselves catching your breath, still enveloped in each other's warmth.
"I'm so, so happy, Jeongin!" you exclaimed, your eyes shining with delight.
Jeongin grinned, his eyes reflecting the shared happiness. "Oh, Y/n, I can tell! I'm thrilled for you. I love seeing you this happy."
Suddenly, your phone rang, and you quickly grabbed it, excitement still coursing through your veins. It was your best friend, and as soon as you answered, both of you screamed into your phones simultaneously. Jeongin watched with amusement as you and your best friend shared your excitement.
"I got above 95!" your best friend exclaimed.
"Stop it right now, same. I knew you'd do good, I literally told you," you shouted back, a wide grin on your face.
Jeongin smiled fondly as you and your best friend screamed at each other over the phone.
After the call, you turned to Jeongin, still beaming. "Can you believe it, Jeongin? We both did so well!"
Jeongin's eyes softened with pride. "I never doubted you for a second."
"Oh yea and she wants to go get food together tonight. Wanna come? It's just gonna be a few friends."
Jeongin thought about it for a moment, his expression shifting between contemplating the invitation and the commitments he had. He had literally rushed over to your apartment from practice earlier to be in time to see the results with you.
"I'd love to, Y/N," he said with a warm smile. "But I might need to head back soon. Practice and all."
You nodded in understanding, "No worries, Jeongin. Thanks for being here with me though. You really didn't have to,"
Jeongin gently cupped your face, placing a tender kiss on your forehead. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Go enjoy dinner with your friends, and we'll celebrate properly after, just the two of us."
A grin played on your lips as you asked, "So, you're coming back after practice?"
Jeongin's eyes sparkled with affection, and he replied, "Of course. When you come home, I'll be waiting right here for you."
You couldn't help but break into a wide smile, and you wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug. "I can't wait, Jeongin."
As you pulled away, Jeongin's phone buzzed with messages from his fellow members. He chuckled as he read the texts, realizing that he had overstayed his initially planned break.
"Looks like they want me back," Jeongin said, showing you the messages. "I told them I'd be away for only half an hour, but turns out I went over time."
You playfully shooed him away, "Go, go! They need you. We'll have plenty of time together later."
Jeongin grinned, giving you one last kiss before standing up from the couch. "I'll see you soon, Y/N. Save some of that happiness for me."
As he made his way towards the door, he slipped on his shoes. Opening the door, Jeongin turned to look at you, his eyes filled with fondness.
In a soft tone he said a little "Bye," with a smile. With that, he stepped out into the hallway, closing the door gently behind him.
Once Jeongin was out of your view, the smile that had adorned his face began to fade, replaced by a subtle expression of sadness. He had known all along that you were going to get a good grade, it didn't surprise him one bit.
His mind wandered to the times you rambled about your college experiences—the late nights filled with assignments, the tiring study sessions, and the challenges of balancing academics and life. Those were moments when he wished he could have experienced the college life, as difficult as you made it sound.
Yet, deep down, Jeongin knew that he willingly chose the path of an idol. The wide stage, the love of fans, and the thrill of performing were what he aspired to. It was a choice he made with full awareness, and yet, he sometimes longed for a different path.
What has always troubled him the most, however, was his insecurity about his academics. Ever since he met you, he could tell instantly how bright and insightful you were. When you'd explain concepts, like the intricacies of human behavior or the subtleties of psychology, he admired you. You had a way of teaching him that made it feel like he learned more from you than from school.
Jeongin always believed you were smarter than him, and that thought weighed on him heavily. He didn't really attend high school and barely ever had good grades. Due to this, Jeongin always told himself he was just stupid. But the truth was, he had been a trainee since he was only 13 so it wouldn't have been easy to leave room for school.
In his mind, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was lacking compared to you. Your achievements made him question his own worth. The occasional longing for the academic experiences he missed out on only fueled his insecurities.
However, he never dared to share any of these feelings with you. Jeongin kept this internal struggle hidden, not wanting you to bear the weight or feel like you're the reason he's insecure. He valued your successes and happiness and didn't want them tainted by his own self-doubt. Instead, he chose to navigate these emotions privately, wanting to be the supportive boyfriend you deserved.
Jeongin arrived at the JYP building, the familiar surroundings enveloping him as he scanned his keycard to gain access. The glass doors slid open, and he made his way through the lobby, swiftly heading for the elevators.
As the elevator ascended, Jeongin's thoughts lingered. The elevator doors opened on the designated floor, and Jeongin walked down the corridor, passing by various studios and offices. Finally, he reached the door of the dance studio where he was practicing initially. He could feel the bass of the music from outside.
Jeongin opened the door and as he stepped inside, he found the members taking a break, scattered around the room, catching their breaths.
Lee Know, catching sight of Jeongin, approached him with a stern expression. "Jeongin, please don't stay out too long next time. You know it's bad habit," he said, a hint of frustration in his voice.
Jeongin, feeling a pang of guilt, quickly apologized, "I'm sorry, hyung."
Lee Know's stern expression softened, and he patted Jeongin on the shoulder, saying, "You're fine. Just try to be on time, okay?"
As the conversation shifted, Minho asked, "How did it go?"
"She did good, as always."
However, despite his words, Lee Know noticed Jeongin expression. "Aren't you happy for her?"
Jeongin immediately forced a smile. "No, I am. I guess I kinda zoned out."
Lee Know's expression remained uncertain, but he decided not to press further. "Alright, if you say so. Just remember, we're here for you if you need anything."
Jeongin nodded gratefully, appreciating Lee Know's understanding. He reached for his hoodie, pulling it off and revealing his practice attire underneath.
"Okay, we should wrap up. It's been like five hours, that's enough." Chan declared.
Jeongin, too caught up in dancing for the past few hours, checked the time and was surprised to see it was already 10 PM. His eyes widened.
He quickly grabbed his belongings and bid a quick farewell to the members. "See you guys tomorrow," he said with a tired smile.
Exiting the building, Jeongin was met with a sudden realization as he saw that it was pouring rain outside. He hadn't anticipated the weather, and the absence of an umbrella made the situation less than ideal. However, with your apartment only a few blocks away, he figured it could be worse.
Pulling his hood over his head, Jeongin braced himself for the rain and started to briskly walk along the sidewalk. The sound of raindrops hitting the pavement filled his ears, and with every step, he could feel himself getting more and more soaked.
The once dry sidewalk turned into a glistening path as the rain danced around him. Jeongin's clothes clung to his body, and his hair became a mess of damp strands.
Upon reaching your apartment building, he tried his best to dry himself off but he made his way inside. He quickly climbed the stairs, his wet footsteps echoing in the quiet hallway. Unlocking the door with the spare keys you had given him, he stepped inside the familiar space.
In the entrance, Jeongin wasted no time. He removed his wet shoes, placing them on a rack to dry. His clothes clung uncomfortably, and he surveyed the living room, noticing the warm glow of lights.
As he made his way into the living room, he saw you. There you were, perhaps caught up in a book or lost in thought, unaware of his drenched arrival. He wanted to get home earlier than you and he cursed to himself knowing you beat him to it.
"Hey," he greeted.
Still absorbed in your book, you didn't look up immediately. "I assumed you weren't gonna show up after all. With the rain and everything."
Jeongin felt a pang of guilt. "Sorry, we got too caught up, and time flew," he explained.
"No, no, it's okay," you responded with a smile. Then, finally looking up, you noticed Jeongin. "Oh my god, you're soaking wet!"
A sheepish grin spread across Jeongin's face as he nodded. "Yeah, the rain got me good. Surprise, I guess?"
You couldn't help but chuckle at his unexpected entrance. "Surprise indeed! Let's get you out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold." The concern in your voice was evident as you motioned for him to follow you, warmth in your eyes. "Go to the bathroom, Jeongin. Change out of those and take a warm shower. I'll get some dry clothes out for you."
Jeongin nodded appreciatively. "Thanks, Y/N."
As he went into the bathroom, you headed to your wardrobe to retrieve some clothes for him. It wasn't unusual for Jeongin to stay over, so he had accumulated a fair share of his clothes at your place. You selected a comfortable set and laid them out on the bed, making sure everything was ready for him.
While Jeongin was in the shower, you went to the kitchen, deciding to prepare some tea to help him feel warmer. The comforting aroma of the tea filled the air as you carefully brewed it. Once ready, you carried the mug upstairs, hearing the shower turn off as you reached the top.
Setting the tea down on the nightstand, you took a seat on the bed. Moments later, Jeongin emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. His wet hair clung to his forehead, and droplets of water glistened on his skin.
You motioned for him to sit down beside you on the bed. Reaching for a bottle of moisturizer, you squeezed some onto your hands and gently started rubbing it onto his face. The subtle scent filled the room as you continued, your touch a soothing gesture.
Jeongin closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax under your care. As you worked on his shoulders, you couldn't help but smile at his tranquility.
"Thank you for taking care of me," Jeongin said with a sincere smile on his face.
Setting the moisturizer aside, you picked up the mug of warm tea and handed it to Jeongin. He took a sip, the comforting warmth spreading through him as he enjoyed the soothing effects of both the tea and your touch.
You then handed him the pile of dry clothes and Jeongin nodded appreciatively, proceeding to change. As he did, you subtly looked away, giving him the privacy he needed.
When he was done, Jeongin sat back down next to you. "I'm 100% sure I won't get a cold now," he declared with a satisfied grin.
"I hope so," you replied, returning his smile. Then, with a playful twinkle in your eye, you added, "Also, did you know that the rain itself can't actually make you sick? But if you stay wet and cold for a long time, it can lower your body temperature and weaken your immune system, making you more likely to catch a cold or flu."
"Way to go, Smarty," he responded with a teasing smile.
Your laughter filled the room as you playfully pulled him down, laying next to you. Leaning on him, you enjoyed the closeness, reveling in the comfort of the moment. Jeongin, not one to miss an opportunity, gently brought your chin up, and with a tender kiss, your lips met.
The initial softness of the kiss soon deepened into a passionate moment. Jeongin loved the sensation of being close to you, and the intimate connection sparked a desire for more. As the kiss continued, he gently teased, parting your lips. With a bold move, he inserted his tongue.
His hands, fuelled by a growing intensity, moved to your waist, feeling the warmth of your skin beneath his fingertips. In response, you reached under his shirt, your fingers tracing the contours of the milky skin on his chest and abs.
The moment, charged with desire, took an unexpected turn as Jeongin pulled away. His eyes, reflecting a mixture of emotions, met yours. "Y/N, you're so, so beautiful," he began, his voice filled with sincerity. "You're smart, you're caring—you're literally perfect. I'll never deserve you."
You looked back at him, a soft smile playing on your lips. "Jeongin, you're all those things too," you reassured him. "Smart, caring, and incredibly beautiful. What do you mean you don't deserve me? I feel like most people would think it's the other way around."
Jeongin's frustration and insecurities tugged at him, and he began to ramble, his words stumbling over each other. "It's just... I see you, and I see everything you are, and it's like you're this amazing person, and I'm just me. You're achieving so much more than I ever will. And I'm sorry that I can't measure up to what you deserve. That I'll never be enough for someone as perfect as you."
"Jeongin," you interrupted gently, reaching out to hold his hands. "I'm not perfect, so stop thinking that. And you've achieved so much. You're well known worldwide, you get to travel to these wonderful places. Sometimes, I wish I could do that too."
"But," he interjected, his frustration evident, "I feel bad when I can't help you with studying like your other friends do. I went into high school late, never even attended it much even after and you literally skipped a whole grade. I feel so stupid compared to you."
You squeezed his hands gently, "You do help me study, Jeongin. Just having you next to me while I'm studying helps me. That's why I always drag you to the library with me because you're my support. Your presence is more than enough."
Jeongin smiled slightly at the comment, his frustration easing a bit.
"And you know," you continued, "I learn a lot from you too. About different cultures from the countries you've visited, how you manage to sing trot, how to act, how to dance, how to get your perfect skin, and most importantly, how to tolerate seven guys who are constantly trying to baby us. You bring so much into my life, Jeongin. It's not about who's better or smarter. It's about how we make each other happy."
Jeongin looked at you, a hint of doubt still lingering. "But what about what other people think? Everyone will think you're so impressive, and I'm just a guy who wasn't smart enough to do anything else but music."
"Don't beat yourself up about what others think," you asserted. "Plus, nowadays, who cares about how well people do in college? They all know idols work their asses off to be what they are. Everyone admires you, Jeongin."
"But, Y/N," Jeongin began, "you work just as hard as me."
"And that's exactly my point," you replied, a warm smile on your face. "We both work hard in our own ways, and that's what matters. It's about the effort we put in, not some standard of success. You're amazing just the way you are, Jeongin."
Feeling the sincerity in your words, Jeongin buried his face in your neck, his arms wrapping around you in a tight embrace. "I love you so much, Y/N," he mumbled against your skin.
Smiling, you ran your fingers through his hair. "I love you too, Jeongin," you replied, causing him to hum contently against your skin. The two of you stayed in that comforting embrace for a while, the world outside seemingly fading away. However, a practical thought crossed your mind. "Wait, let me put your wet clothes in the washer," you suggested.
Jeongin, with his eyes closed, murmured, "Baby, no, stay. I was about to fall asleep."
You couldn't help but chuckle at his half-asleep endearment. "What did you just call me?" you teased. A soft, content smile graced Jeongin's face as he kept his eyes closed. "Okay, Innie, I'm staying," you replied, using the playful nickname his members often used.
In response, Jeongin shifted, scooting up to become the big spoon. His arms wrapped around you, squeezing you gently as if you were his favorite teddy bear. A chuckle escaped your lips as your legs tangled together, finding a comfortable position. He rested his head on yours, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest creating a soothing lullaby.
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bf!skz x gn!reader - How each member helps you with anxiety ⛅️🧸
a/n: my qualifications for writing this is I have major anxiety and these are all the things I wish people would do for me that match skz members personality! enjoy - 🌞
tw: mentions of anxiety
word count: 615
Chan
I feel like Chan would definitely be one to hold you when you are feeling anxious. First of all his hugs seem so safe and warm. But if you’re in a not-so-private place he would definitely just hold your hand or rest his hand on your knee. That small amount of contact with a reassuring squeeze will make you feel calmer and safer.
Lee Know
Lee Know is definitely the type of person to show love and care through actions rather than words. So when you are super anxious, he would ensure you’ve eaten and drank water. Having low blood sugar when you’re anxious is really terrible so he wants to make sure you're healthy. I think Lee Know would also just try and be around you, just sitting next to you and not leaving your side to show his support.
Changbin
I think changbin would try to make you laugh. Try and distract you from overthinking and spiraling by doing something funny or just being extra cute. Whether its going cutesy poses or showing you funny videos. He would try everything just to make you smile again. Oh and he is most definitely going to show you the most recent girl group dance he learned.
Hyunjin
Hyunjin would want to take you out for a peaceful day of activities. You guys would go on a walk through the park, get food and just try to enjoy the beauty of the world around you instead. But after a long day you guys would definitely go stargazing and talk about anything and everything. Have a deep conversation that leaves not only you, but hyunjin as well, with a new perspective and you’ll feel ever closer than before…no matter how many times you do it.
Han
As we know Han always has his headphones, I don’t think he leaves the house without them tbh. So if you're in a public (or even private) setting and get overwhelmed/ anxious he would most definitely give you his headphones in a heartbeat. He would even go a step further with picking out songs or even having a playlist for you ready to go whenever you're anxious.
Felix
Felix of course is a touchy person and while that brings you great comfort when you're anxious, it's not the only thing Felix will do. He is a gamer, so honestly I feel like he would try to distract you with a game. Either he will pull up a chair or let you sit with him and watch him play, or he would have you guys play Mario Kart together. Either way, you're going to feel safe in his arms and distracted from your thoughts with games.
Seungmin
Seungmin is definitely not as much of a touchy person but I feel like he would hold your hand and make you tell him what was wrong and what's going through your head just so he can debunk your anxious thoughts. I feel like Seungmin is just very practical and takes the approach of processing your anxieties with you.
Jeongin
I think he would also be one to try and distract you. He would take you out to see a movie or go get food. Anything to get you out of the house because sometimes you need that. A breath of fresh air and jeongin always knows when you are the type of anxious that needs a distraction. For real this man would DRAG you out of bed and not tell you where you are going. Of course, this is all out of love, he wouldn't dare to actually force you to go somewhere if you truly weren't up for it!
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childhood best friends to lovers with hwang hyunjin
i think hwang hyunjin is the type of best friend who can't help but fall for you along the years you have known him. he's a hopeless romantic, he's well aware, and he can't help but hopelessly wish you would feel for him the same way he does for you.
the first time hyunjin realizes his feelings for you is after his first break up in high school. his ex had cheated on him. with his "best friend". he remembers stumbling to your table during lunch after the news reached him, trying to keep the tears at bay as you enveloped him in your warm embrace, no questions asked. that day, as he cried carelessly into your uniform, ignoring the questioning stares he got from the rest of the students, he felt at home. he felt safe in your arms as you whispered sweet nothings into his ears, gentle fingers running through his hair.
but he suppressed it.
the first time hyunjin realizes the extent of his feelings is during summer break. he was on vacation and you weren't picking up his calls. he was worried sick as night time rolled around and he finally called your sister, frantically asking if you were alright. turns out you were on your period, too sick to get out of bed as cramps wracked through your body. gods, hyunjin felt terrible. how he wished he could be there and cuddle you to sleep. when you finally picked his twenty-seventh missed call, he stayed on line with you until 3 in the morning, talking about whatever struck his mind to keep your mind away from the pain. that was the first time a hesitant i love you slipped past his lips when he thought you'd fallen asleep. the first time the depth of his situation hit him.
but he suppressed it.
the first time hyunjin kisses you is the night of your graduation, and it goes terribly wrong. a mutual friend had thrown a celebratory party, and you were both only teenagers bound to make stupid mistakes with cheap booze running through your systems. he kissed you, and you ran away. away from him, and he could feel his heart breaking. literally. it was the first time he cried and you weren't there to comfort him. it was the first time he physically felt pain from heart break.
but he suppressed it.
the first time hyunjin sees you after the kiss was at the 7-eleven in your neighborhood. he ran into you at 1 in the morning as you strolled through the ramen aisle, and he immediately knew you were hurting too, because ramen was your comfort food which you reserved for when you were sad. a detail nobody but him knew. he remembers the way his heart squeezed when he saw you in his hoodie. when you noticed him, he thought your gaze would be cold and hard. he hadn't expected you to launch yourself into his arms, tears already soaking through his t-shirt.
it was the first time you kissed him, and hyunjin's heart felt like it would combust. you closed the gap between your lips, you made the move, you wanted him. he didn't care that the 7-eleven cashier was yelling at the pair of you to take your business somewhere else. all that mattered was that maybe you reciprocated his feelings. suddenly he was filled with a hope he hadn't felt since you were kids.
i think hwang hyunjin is the type of best friend you can't help but fall for along the years you have known him. he's a hopeless romantic, and he makes you fall just as hopelessly in love with him.
©lixie-phoria, 2023
tags : @foxinnie8 @hamburgers101 @starlostlaiba @laylasbunbunny (send an ask to be added/removed)
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This is Home
summary: reader's house no longer feels like home, but she has her best friends to help her escape.
pairings: Yeosang + San + Wooyoung x Reader (w/ mentions of OT8)
relationship: Platonic
genre: hurt/comfort
tw: mentions of depression, crying, mentally/verbally abusive parents. If any of this is triggering I would steer more towards my happier fics. Please be kind to yourself<3
It wasn’t uncommon for you to show up unannounced at your friends’ apartment, especially late at night, but this time, it was different. This time you ASKED if you could come over. The group chat was only used to send memes, nothing more nothing less.
~8 makes 1 Team + y/n~
You: ‘Can I come over please?’
Your phone immediately started ringing, and San’s profile pic popped up on your screen.
“Y/n? You alright?” he asked. You bit your lip, shaking your head.
“Would you like us to come get you?” He asked quietly. He was assuming you were trying to keep quiet. You hum in a disagreement, cause if you talk you’ll lose it.
“We’ll unlock the door, come over whenever you’re ready,” he whispered. You sniffled, hanging up and trying to catch your breath. You packed up an overnight bag and tiptoed out of your bedroom and out the door. The drive was short, blessed that they lived only 10 minutes away from you. You walked up to the door and knocked quietly it was midnight, so there was a chance everyone was awake or asleep except for San. The door opened, San’s face full of worry.
“You normally don’t knock either, Y/n,” he said with a worried chuckle. Everything you were doing was beyond out of character. You sucked in your cheek, trying to will the stinging behind your eyes. San pulled you into the warm apartment out of the freezing weather.
“Here let’s get you out of this,” he whispered, taking off your winter coat.
“Is every one asleep?” you ask. San nodded.
“Yeah but they’re heavy sleepers I’m sure if you ran around screaming like a banshee they’d be dead asleep,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood. You couldn’t help but smile at the efforts San was making. You saw the couch had a few pillows and a couple of blankets, where you normally slept. You put your bag down and got ready to sit down. San gently stopped you.
“You can take the bedroom, Woo and I are going to be out here,” he said. You looked at him in disbelief.
“What? Sannie, no, that's your guys' room.”
“We want you to have your privacy,” he said kindly. Wooyoung stepped out of the room with worry in his eyes. You were so used to him nearly breaking the furniture and decor to tackle you into a hug, so you weren’t used to him walking up to you slowly but with urgency.
“You okay?” He asked quietly. You bit your trembling lip, your vision blurring when Wooyoung touched your shoulder.
“Oh come here…” Wooyoung said, pulling you into his arms, San joining shortly after.
“Do you want to talk about it,” San asked, rubbing his hand up and down your back. You shook your head sniffling. You weren’t ready yet.
“If you want to talk about it we’re here, for now, let’s get you in bed,” San said, patting your head. You nodded while Wooyoung wiped your eyes. San had already grabbed your bag and took it to the bedroom. Wooyoung gave you one more squeeze before he got settled under the blankets on the pullout bed. You made your way to San and Wooyoung’s shared bedroom, giving San one more hug before you got under the covers.
“Let us know if you need anything,” San said, squeezing your hand. You nodded before turning over in the bed, almost immediately falling asleep.
The next morning you woke up feeling groggy. Your eyes were swollen from the tears you let fall when you got into bed. You checked your phone, seeing it was 9 am, everyone was probably awake by now. Normally, you would hear people stomping around, voices loud, just chaotic, but it was something you were used to. What you weren’t used to was it being super quiet. You heard footsteps but it sounded more like tiptoeing. You were brought out of your thoughts when there was a small knock at the door. Judging by the knock you knew who it was.
“Hi, Yeosang,” you called quietly. A timid “hi” was at the other end of the door.
“You can come in, Sangie, it's okay,” you say from your bed. The door knob slowly turned and in came Yeonsang.
“What time did you get here last night?” He asked as he came and sat at the end of San’s bed.
“Around midnight, I think everyone was asleep except for Sannie and Woo,” you said. He hummed as he tapped your foot.
“Did something happen?” he asked carefully. He didn’t want to push you if you weren’t ready. You nodded, trying to hold it together.
“Is it your dad?” he asked. You bit your lip and blinked back the tears. Wordlessly, Yeosang came and sat next to you, pulling you into a hug, but making sure you stayed warm under the blankets.
“We were worried when we saw your text, wasn’t very on brand of you to ask to come over,” he said comically but with a sad tone. He and San were right; because they started leaving their door unlocked so you could waltz right in because you would stand and knock repeatedly on the door or ring the doorbell till it was close to breaking. You sighed and decided that if you didn’t say something now, you probably wouldn’t later. You let Yeosang in on everything, telling him what had happened, and he didn’t speak a word until you were done, heartbroken seeing you so hurt.
“He had no right saying that about you, you know that right?” he asked. You were torn because you had the “I don’t give a fuck what you say” energy but you’re still human, and cruel words from anyone hurt, let alone your own family. Yeosang was alarmed by the lack of response, and he slowly turned his head towards you.
“He had no right, Y/n, what he said was not true,” he said with more confidence this time. You nodded because Yeosang was a man of very few words but when it came to the ones he loved, he would do and say anything to protect them. Shortly after his little speech, he offered to go refill your water jug, and not too long after, there was a small knock at the door, it was San and Wooyoung.
“How are you feeling, Y/n?” Wooyoung asked. You shook your head.
“Not great, I just told Yeosang what happened,” you said rubbing your eyes.
“Are you okay with sharing what happened? If it's just him that knows it’s okay!” he reassured seconds before Yeosang walked in with your water jug that was now filled with ice cold water. You took a swig and set it on the bedside table.
“I can tell you,” you croak, already feeling yourself choke up again. Everyone made their way onto the bed and you told them everything. While you explained your story, tears coated your cheeks and it took them everything in them not to get angry. They were appalled by what they were hearing, but also so sad seeing you hurt.
“Y/n… you do have respect for yourself. Everything negative your father says about you is wrong,” San says as he wipes your eyes. Wooyoung rubbed a thumb over your hand while your head rested on Yeosang’s shoulder.
“It just sucks…*sniff* the one permanent safe space, my home, doesn’t even feel like a safe space anymore,” you say before breaking down in Yeosang’s arms. Yeosang’s heart hurt while San and Wooyoung saw red. How dare the person who is supposed to be a role model, a friend, or a PARENT, not make your home a safe space. They let you cry for as long as you needed and didn’t dare speak a word until your cries were reduced to sniffles and the occasional hiccup.
“How can we help, Y/n?” Yeosang asked. You shrugged, because what can you do? The damage was done.
“Unless you know how to magically reverse emotional damage, I don’t know… I just don’t know anymore,” you whisper, feeling so defeated.
“Well, is there anything we can do for you now?” Wooyoung asked. You shook your head.
“I just don’t want to go home…I don’t feel safe,” you whisper, your vision blurring again. The boys gave each other knowing looks, clearly able to read each other’s minds.
“You are more than welcome to stay as long as you need to, and if you truly don’t want to go home, you are more than welcome to move in,” San said confidently. Your eyes almost bulged out of your head.
“Guys…no, this is your space… there are 8 of you already living here!” you say in disbelief.
“What’s one more?” Yeosang asks. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You put a hand over your mouth and tears of happiness started flowing,
“Don’t you make me cry now!” Wooyoung exclaimed while he was looking up at the ceiling blinking back the moisture in his eyes.
“Take all the time you need, okay? Let us know and we will support you no matter what,” San said before all of them pulled you into a group hug.
“I love you all so much,” you said tearfully. They said it back, and when you heard them say it, you knew they meant it. Your house may have been where you lived, but in this space, this was home.
taglist: @felixmainacc @felixburneracc @myforevermelody143 @dunno-wut-to-do @itzsana-kiddingmenow
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ON THE WAY HOME | yji
🧸 pairing. yang jeongin + gn!reader
synopsis. after a bad day at work, all your boyfriend wants to do is cuddle up to you and forget about everything.
🌙 wc. 0.8k | au. idol!au; established relationship; hurt/comfort imagine
For the past hours, you’d dozed off more times that you could count as your eyes tried focusing on the late night tv show playing on the screen in front of you, slowly sipping on the hot coffee you’d made for yourself a few minutes earlier— forcing yourself to drink it in hopes of it helping you stay awake longer, at least until you could see your boyfriend walk into your shared apartment from his late night work hours, safe and sound.
He’d been seriously overworking himself lately, along with the rest of his group members, spending hours upon hours just practicing the same choreographies over and over and over again, everyone going back home only when the choreographer deemed them to be coordinated and precise enough. And, aside from those long, daily, dance practices, they still had to think about joining their vocal and/or rap lessons, to tend to other work-related issues, be active on their Bubble and take care of their loved ones at the same time. You still wondered how he did it.
The sound of keys jingling from the other side of your front door made you softly smile and down the remaining coffee in one go, placing the cup on the coffeetable before getting up from the couch and quickly walking towards the door.
“Welcome back home, Innie.” you said as soon as he walked into your apartment, his eyes wide with surprise as he locked the door behind him, his heart fluttering at how soft and cuddly you looked at that moment— oversized, fluffy pajama on and a big comforter draped on your shoulder, a beautiful smile adorning your lips as a final touch.
With open arms, you walked closer to him and engulfed him in a warm hug, “Why are you awake? It’s 3am.” he tiredly mumbled in your hair while petting your head lovingly, trying with all his might to keep his frustrated tears in his eyes, not wanting to worry you.
“Have you had dinner?” you asked after a moment spent in complete silence, just relishing in each other’s warmth, and he nodded.
“Mhm, I just— I just wanna take a shower and sleep in your arms tonight… Please?” he begged, his voice cracking as he buried his face in the crook of your neck.
You frowned. It wasn't unusual for him to ask to be pampered before going to sleep, but what was unusual was for him to look this upset, this sad, this… tired. “Of course, Innie. No need to ask.” you said, soothingly rubbing his circles on his back, “Go take a hot shower, then we can cuddle and talk for as long as you want, k?” you asked with a smile, intertwining your fingers with his and dragging him to the bathroom, after helping him take off his coat and shoes, noticing he was just too tired and sore to do that on his own.
And twenty minutes later, you were laying stomach up on your shared bed, an altered Jeongin rambling on about his day with his body huddled between your legs, his arms circling your back as he buried his face in your chest, a few stray tears escaping his foxy eyes and wetting your fluffy pajama, “And then Minho yelled at us to do it again, but I was so so tired. I told him I just needed a quick break, but he just wouldn't stop screaming at us a-and—” he sniffled, tightening his grip around you as you kept running your fingers through his soft hair, letting him understand he could finally let go all the frustration that had been tormenting him these past weeks. That it was okay to cry and let it all out.
His body shook with ugly sobs and whimpers as he still tried to explain the events of the day to you, though his words were getting slurrier and slurrier by the second, and his head, which he’d previously propped up on his folded arms over your chest, kept falling to the side when he started falling asleep amid sentences.
You held back an adoring squeal as you reached for your phone on your nightstand, wanting to take a picture of fluffy, soft Jeongin, when a soft, “Y/N-nnie…?” slurred out of his lips, as he gently tugged at your right sleeve when he felt he was a second away from falling asleep. You looked him in the eyes with a smile, his foxy, dark eyes becoming heavier by the second, but he couldn't go to sleep without getting first a— “g’ night kiss?” Jeongin whispered, pointing to his pouty lips with his eyes closed.
You giggled, cupping his face with your hands and rubbing the tear stains off his cheeks, before leaning forward and softly pecking each one of them, making him blush. You then pressed your lips against his, whispering an “I love you so much.”, to which he responded with a smile and a squeeze of your waist.
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© SVNGIEM — do not copy, translate or claim as your own.
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