#kurt has been my favorite for decades

[scorpionstar2021]

X-Men ‘97 really healed me by giving me the best adaptation of Nightcrawler…

…then ripped the rug out from under me and broke me with the end of the episode.

(I should have known that Kurt was too good of a gift, that something horrible would happen to balance out his appearance)

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

10 Questions for Writers

10 Questions for Writers tagged by @sunnysideprincess

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

156, but two or three of those are Round Robins I participated in, and two are collabfics. The rest are all mine, though.

2. what’s your total AO3 word count?

902,447

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Marvel is my main squeeze fandom, but I've got one Stranger Things fic up and I want to write a few more. I've got a tiny Hannibal fic up, one solitary M*A*S*H that had been a request of one of my besties (and that was definitely enough and I love that show), and there's a Contrarywise/Trickster's Touch ficlet up. Oh yeah, and I have a few Bill and Ted fics up and some other random old stuff that I finally stuck on my AO3 (Lost Boys, From Hell)

4. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Always. First off, it's so rare these days to get comments because of all the reasons/excuses people give for not leaving comments on fics that to get comments is such a treasure and joy, so of course, I'm going to comment back. Second, if some of those reasons/excuses are true (shyness, anxiety, awkwardness) then I'm doubly grateful for the people who do comment - esp if they are commenting while anxious/shy/awkward - that I want to make sure they realize that their comments are appreciated and that they are not bothering me with their comments. Though I still don't understand that concern. If a writer doesn't want comments on their fics, they'll set it up so that no one will comment. If we've got our comments open, we want comments and you're never bothering us with them.

5. have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so. Given how wildly unpopular I seem to be as a writer, I can't imagine anyone wanting to steal what I've written.

6. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep. I've got two collabfics up on AO3 that I wrote with @scottxlogan, and we've got two more in the wings just needing to be finished so I can post them up.

7. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

No. I don't have one all-time favorite ship. I have many favorite ships - Loki/Tony Stark, Loki/Bucky Barnes, Loki/Steve Rogers, Loki/Emma Frost, Loki/Justin Hammer (don't give me that look, they're fun), Tony/Bucky, Tony/Steve, Tony/Scott Summers, Tony/Emma Frost, Steve/Bucky, Steve/Scott Summers, Steve/Emma, Scott/Logan, Scott/Bobby, Scott/Kurt... I mean, that's just the Marvel list, and it's not even a complete one. There's also Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, and so many others from other fandoms that I may not write for but I like to read.

8. what are your writing strengths?

Apparently humor, Easter Eggs, dialogue, fluff, sexy times, and making people hungry by including food into so many fics.

9. what are your writing weaknesses?

World building if I'm having to create a world from scratch. I can do it, but it's a lot of work and then I get stressed. I used to world-build in rp writing with my former roommate, and when we quit writing, I thought I might take some of our old rps and turn them into og fiction, but there are some that are so wildly extensive in the world building that I will probably stick to re-reading them and not actually trying to re-write them into og fiction.

10. first fandom you wrote for?

If we're talking the first time I ever wrote fanfiction without knowing that fanfiction was a word, that'd be the Children of the Corn fanfic I wrote when I was 12-13. It was in pencil, and it was big time Mary Sue, and I don't even have it anymore because over many decades, the pencil faded/smudged, and I'm pretty sure I tossed it into the trash. (It was sooooooooooooooooooo bad.) The first fandom I was in once I knew what fanfiction was - Jay and Silent Bob. Yes, I still have those fics, and no they aren't posted anywhere, and they won't be. With the exception of a Loki series fic I wrote that has a tiny crossover with Dogma (that was called a therapy fic), I won't go back to that fandom.

Thanks for the tag!

Tagging: @mistressofmuses, @stormxpadme, @soliloquent-stark, @whinysteve, @kleenexwoman, @mcfiddlestan, @chaotic-hypnotic-erotic, @chaoticgardenbread, and anyone else who wants to play!

[imperiuswrecked]

hello :) i have very recently gotten into namor comics and i wanted to know, what are your favorite arcs/solos hes had? i hope its not too much of a bother. thank you and i hope youre doing well. ^_^

Hello and welcome. It's always a pleasure to speak with Namor fans ❤️ Thanks for asking, I'm well and I hope you are too.

Series:

King in Black: Namor - It's wonderfully written and gives us great lore and character moments. It's written by Kurt Busiek who really knows the character. The artwork is amazing, drawn by two different artists but I have to point out how much I really enjoy the colorists' work. The way they chose to make present day Namor scenes all muted colors, like the ocean is sick and dying, meanwhile his past scenes has such vibrant color.

Sub-Mariner: The Depths - I'm a big horror fan so this was a perfect combination of horror and Namor. I wish this would someday be adapted into a short animation or live action film. Ribic's art carries the whole comic, you could understand it just by the art alone, tho the writing is great too.

Sub-Mariner (2007) - Honesty I feel this series is criminally under rated, it's one of my favorite modern takes on Namor. I do have a couple of criticisms of the plot/ending but overall this series is favorite, love the artwork, love the premise and Namor's characterization.

The Sub-Mariner (1968) - I'm a big fan of Silver Age Namor and this series has lots of great comics but some do drag on at point. Personal favorites, Namor vs The Thing and Namor meeting Betty again in #8, Dorma being possessed by the Serpent Crown in #9. Gonna stop there before I go digging to find every issue I loved, bc there's just a lot there, like I love Tigershark's introduction/stories and Namor and Diane's friendship, and the quest for Namor's father etc.

Arc's:

Tales to Astonish: The Quest for Neptune's Trident #70-76. (To be fair I do love a lot Tales to Astonish but I'm just trying to pick out arcs that I reread alot.)

Namor goes insane in space: Uncanny X-Men (1963) Annual 3 (2001), Steve Rogers: Super Soldier Annual 1, Namor: The First Mutant Annual 1

Suma-Ket & Artys-Gran Arc - Namor, the Sub-Mariner (1990) #30-40. Dark Undersea High Fantasy arc, love it.

Solo Comics:

Marvel Fanfare (1982) #16 & 43, both these are solo adventures

Marvel Snapshot: Sub-Mariner (2020) - I can never get enough of this comic, told from Betty's pov, its wonderful.

Avengers: Emperor Doom - I love every time Namor and Doom team up or interact but if I had to pick one time it's this.

What if? Sub-Mariner (2011) - Love love this story by Greg Pak of Namor growing up on land.

The Judgement of Namor - Dark Reign: The Cabal - Namor takes court and deals with his subjects. An excellent look into Namor's role as the monarch of Atlantis.

Marvel (2020) #3 - I loved the sketch arts of the comic that was unfinished, it had been around for decades but when Marvel finally printed it in full I was so happy. I still prefer the sketchy art but I thought this was a fun adventure and Namor is in a suit, lol.

Marvel Comics Presents: (1988) #33 - All time favorite Namor comic, #1 spot in my heart. (2007) #7 - Namor mourns Nita's death (2019) #1 - A heavy story by Greg Pak about WWll

Tales of the Marvels: Inner Demons - a look at Namor while he was an amnesiac

I haven't even started on character team up comics or team books and if I start on those I won't stop. lol. I'll put a link here to my 2019 comic reading guide that can help you find most major arcs. I hope you enjoy reading!

[kurt-wagner-official]

Post #79: UXM issues 204-206

After Kurt’s absence from the Secret Wars II tie-ins, he gets a solo story in this issue. It’s a few days after the end of that event, and the X-Men are still in San Francisco. Kurt is staying at Amanda’s, sitting outside all night and drinking all day, dodging his team’s calls. He tells Amanda about the events of his mini a few months ago, when everything was fantastical and fun. Since then, the Beyonder has destroyed his love for life by removing the faith that kept him grounded. The Beyonder might be God, Satan, or neither, but any way Kurt looks at it, his religion means nothing anymore. The Beyonder didn’t teleport him to San Francisco in Uncanny 202, which could either mean he wasn’t worthy or he was spared. Either way hurts, but worst of all is Kurt’s shame that he was glad not to go. This was the first time he was too afraid to go to his family in their time of need, and that’s just the latest blow to his heart. Unsure of who he is anymore and wanting to lash out at Amanda, he asks her if he really loves her or if she cast a spell on him. Wounded and angry, she leaves, and Kurt’s more alone and guilty than ever. He gets a distraction when he hears a “Sflaang!” in Central Park, which is apparently a unique enough sound that he realizes it’s Arcade’s kidnapping garbage truck. Looking for a chance to prove, at least to himself, that he’s a hero, he follows the truck back to Arcade’s newest Murderworld secret entrance. The victim is a seemingly normal college girl who Arcade is very bored with until Kurt intervenes. He comes alive as he battles hordes of robots and protects the girl. It seems like they’ll be overwhelmed until Kurt reprograms some of Arcade’s X-bots to attack him while he and the would-be victim slip out. It impresses Arcade enough that he lets them go, and when Kurt escorts his new friend back to her apartment, they’re greeted by soldiers who reveal that she’s actually Judith Rassendyll, the long-lost heir of Ruritania. It’s a random twist that doesn’t really set up anything, but it accomplishes its purpose of reminding Kurt that he’s still the princess saving hero he was in his miniseries. I really enjoy this issue. It’s very thematically appropriate that Kurt begins the issue questioning everything he knows and then finds answers in a world of illusions and hidden traps. It’s not spelled out in so many words, but I interpret it as him realizing that he doesn’t need to understand everything. The world makes less and less sense every day, but when he’s all alone and put to the test, he met the nonsense head-on and saved a damsel in distress while having the time of his life. Kurt as a thrill seeker is an angle that’s been explored less and less as the decades have passed, but his characterization under Claremont, which is my favorite take on him, is a man who’s most at home on an adventure. He gets his stability and peace from his own heart and beliefs, and he needs to balance that by embracing external chaos. We see here that when he doesn’t have that chaos, he lets himself weigh himself down. But when he forces himself back into his groove, he can center himself again and be himself. Before I move on, I’d like to mention guest penciller June Brigman, cocreator of Power Pack. I’m not the biggest fan of how she draws Kurt’s face, but his movement and the action in general is great.

Issue 205 is the triumphant return of Barry Windsor-Smith, this time for a Logan story, rather than an Ororo one. It’s also the introduction to this series of Oyama Yuriko, Lady Deathstrike. She first showed up in Daredevil and then in Alpha Flight, where Logan was guest starring. For backstory reasons that I don’t care to get into right now, she hates Logan. In this issue, she’s already found and teamed up with Cole, Macon, and Reese, the three Hellfire guys that were gutted by Logan and turned into cyborgs. That’s not enough villains, so they hire Spiral, who runs the “Body Shoppe” where she gives magical and/or hi-tech super duper cosmetic surgery, to cybernetically enhance them all further so they can get their collective revenge on Logan. We jump ahead to Katie of Power Pack, who’s on a field trip in Manhattan in a blizzard. She’s separated from her teacher when they encounter Logan, who’s severely injured body and mind from a battle against the villains that he’s losing. Like a wounded animal acting on instinct, he scoops up Katie and flees. With her help, he slowly begins to regain his mind and heal from his wounds. He eventually meets his enemies in battle and beats them, but refuses to kill them. They’ve chosen to give up their humanity, while his was stolen and reclaimed, and he won’t lose it again for them. He gently takes Katie’s hand and leads her home. There’s not really much for me to say here. It’s not anything new for Logan’s character- the speech he gives to Deathstrike at the end is very similar to one he gave Cole a few years ago. Format wise, it is a twist, with no narration or monologuing from Logan himself. It’s a really great issue, but mostly for the gorgeous art and incredible tension and pacing.

Issue 206 returns to the rest of the team, still chilling in San Francisco. Ororo’s patrolling the streets beating up would be muggers and making friends with the local cops. She returns to Jessica Drew’s apartment, where everyone is just living for the time being. Kitty has a date with a guy who I guess is a friend of Jessica’s. Claremont kinda assumes people have read his Spider-Woman stuff from a few years ago. Anyway, the important thing is that we get to see worried mom Ororo. Anna opens a postcard from Madelyne that she sent right before Scott left, inviting the team to visit them in Alaska. Anna and Peter think it’s a good idea, but Rachel freaks out at the idea of her father and stepmom. For once, Anna gets to be the mentor. She tells Rachel that they both have ghosts they’ll never be fully rid of, but by facing them they can put them at ease. Anna, finally back in San Francisco for the first time since Avengers Annual 10, has accepted her own past and the fact that Carol’s a part of her, even if she’s still a long way from really forgiving herself or fully healing. She tells Rachel the first step is talking to Scott. We get a brief interlude of Amanda, who’s left the country for a lengthy tour as flight attendant. We learn that she’s tried and failed to call Kurt a few times over the last few days. She also thinks about how this maybe breakup has been building for a while, mainly because of Kurt’s questions about his past and Amanda’s weird reluctance to help him figure it out. Back to the main story, the chilling is, as usual, violently interrupted, this time by Freedom Force. Mystique and Destiny didn’t show for this one, but Pyro, Avalanche, and Blob are joined by new recruits Spiral (whose motivations for being here are still incredibly vague) and a new Spider-Woman. There’s a big long battle, which the X-Men actually lose, in large part due to Anna grabbing Spiral and being overwhelmed by her weird mind, giving Spiral control of her body. The day is actually saved by the cops that Ororo befriended earlier. They tell Freedom Force that the X-Men are heroes is SF, and if Freedom Force wants to take them they’ll need a warrant, which they don’t have cause without Mystique and Destiny they’re all idiots. They leave, and the X-Men have to clear out before they return with papers. Rachel decides that Anna’s right, and it’s time to talk to Madelyne and Scott- but at that moment in a San Francisco hospital, Madelyn is being wheeled in as a Jane Doe. There’s one more stinger, this one of Kurt. He’s bidding goodbye to his new friend Judith, who’s off to face her destiny as queen. Kurt finally has his groove back. He doesn’t seem to care about his breakup anymore. I feel bad for Amanda but I hated them together so this is for the best (until it starts back up again like always). He’s ready to get back to a life of heroism and adventure. This was a solid issue with a great thematic moral, which is that you never really find stability, just another rug that’ll be pulled out from under you. The X-Men finally found a city where they aren’t universally hated, but the feds came in and ran them out of town. Rachel’s finally decided to talk to Scott and Madelyne, but that chance is already gone. It doesn’t bode well for Anna, who feels like she’s making progress with her Carol brain. The only X-Man thriving is Kurt, who as we saw a couple issues ago is relearning how to embrace uncertainty. It’s a soft setup for the next two arcs, where everything the X-Men think they’re holding onto will start being unraveled very quickly.

[poetzproblem]

for most memorable moments - the db proposal has been living rent free in my mind for at least half a decade. the imagery is just so clear, and it's obviously such a joy to remember rachel's nerves and quinn slowly putting together what's happening

also the one where the girls all go out drinking after santana loses a patient (and the rachel-playing-matchmaker-for-santaresa seed was planted) just them all being cute and drunk and ridiculous

oooh and also the one where they go on a picnic and faberry is all cute and in love, santana is full "what's new pussycat," josie is exasperated and loving love, kurt and harry are all new, and they're just. being friends! at a picnic!!! ughhh i love

sorry i got kinda excited lol anyway db slaps

Half a decade. I've been at this too long.

You know, I'm very sad to say that the 21 Club, the restaurant where Rachel took Quinn before proposing, closed permanently in March 2021. The pandemic really did a number on my timeline planning, but since Covid doesn't exist in DB canon, I can pretend that restaurant was open and operating as usual in 2020, when the proposal happened.

Drunk!Santana was fun to write - and a necessary step on the road to re-introducing Teresa. It was also born out of a conversation I had at a FeberryCon. So many ideas for great scenes in DB came from other people, and I'm very grateful for all of them.

The picnic was all mine though - the expansion of an otherwise throwaway line in Every Hour Has Come To This about how one of Quinn's favorite photos of her and Rachel came to be. Although, I think even that throwaway line came from a discussion here about how Santana would have been trying to get into Josie's pants every time she visited Quinn. But that fic was fun to write with all the teasing.

Thanks for sharing.

[gerec]

Sorry for the excessive amount of questions, I hope I am not bothering you too.

How do you choose which fics to write? How many wips do you have? What fandoms/pairings are they for? What’s the last line you wrote? Post a snippet from a wip. Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest? How do you choose whose POV to write in? What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of? Do you use a beta reader/editor? Do you take fic requests? Why or why not? What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted? What fic are you proudest of? What fic has been the hardest for you to write? What is your most self-indulgent posted story? What’s your most self-indulgent wip? What is your favorite world that you’ve created for a fic? Who’s your favorite character you’ve written? Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet? What is your favorite genre to write? What genre/trope do you tend to write the most? If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be? Is there a trope that you’ve written before but are now sick of? Who is your favorite character to write for? Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom? What’s the fandom/pairing distribution of your posted fics? In Legacy of Sin, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote? In Legacy of Sin, is there a deleted scene/idea you wish you could have included? Why did it get cut? Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do? What are your favorite fics at the moment? Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3? What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten? Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love? Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?

You're not bothering me at all and sorry for the delay on these; I was away last weekend and it's been busy catching up both in RL and on tumblr lol.

How do you choose which fics to write?

For new fics, it's all about inspiration - usually a prompt that ignites an idea in my brain that I just have to get out. For WIPs it's all about mood i.e. what pairing I want to write/what story I want to advance.

How many wips do you have?

On Ao3 I have 20 WIPs (there are a few that are discontinued not counted in that number). These are stories I intend to finish. I have about 2 dozen snippets in my drafts I've never posted and might never see the light of day.

What fandoms/pairings are they for?

All for X-Men, with the majority being Cherik fics though there are some Xavierine, Kurt/Charles and Shaw/Erik ones too :D

What’s the last line you wrote? Post a snippet from a wip.

He grinned, the smile reminding Charles of the decades-younger Erik teasing him in the early days of their acquaintance. “Really? I recall being told repeatedly that I never give you enough credit, Charles, for the things you do. How strange you would forget with your eidetic memory.”

Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

Charles gets unexpectedly knocked up dun dun dun!!!

Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

Beginning is always the easiest because that's when the idea is hot hot hot. Sustaining the story is the hardest for me; I usually know exactly how a story is going to end.

How do you choose whose POV to write in?

I don't really think about it consciously I just let the story dictate the POV. If I can't decide (or I want a broader view of the verse) than I tend to switch POV within the story.

What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I'd like to think I'm decent with plot and pacing? And hopefully...with sexy sex scenes lol???

Do you use a beta reader/editor?

I don't, not because I don't believe in the value of an editor or beta but because I just want to write and get the instant gratification from posting it right way lol.

Do you take fic requests? Why or why not?

Usually no, though I sometimes ask for prompts. A lot of times I get asked to write things that just don't interest me, and also, if I don't get around to doing it/finishing it I don't want to disappoint.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

It used to be - unequivocally - We'll Always Have Paris but I'm also very fond of It's Been A Long Time and An End Comes to All Good Things

What fic are you proudest of?

It'll be Gods or Mortals if I ever finish the damn thing.

What fic has been the hardest for you to write?

Same answer as above.

What is your most self-indulgent posted story?

They're all kind of self-indulgent really? I write what I love to read so I suppose it applies to all my stories.

What’s your most self-indulgent wip?

Well, probably the wips in my Legacy of Sin series. They have a small audience but I do love that verse so much and can't stop writing for it ha!

What is your favorite world that you’ve created for a fic?

What Night Brings the Dawn with Paladin!Charles and Mage!Erik. I love that world - there's a 100k fic of story not written about these two soulmates and star-crossed lovers turned bitter enemies...

Who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

Charles, followed by Erik and Logan.

Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

I don't know...I feel like I've written everything I've ever wanted to write? Maybe a horror or ghost story, though only if I can come up with a great idea.

What is your favorite genre to write?

Definitely alternate universe. All the aus I love aus.

What genre/trope do you tend to write the most?

Exes still in love, royalty aus, modern aus, historical aus, pwp.

If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Oh that's a tough one. Maybe a tie between space aus and historical/fantasy aus.

Is there a trope that you’ve written before but are now sick of?

There is no trope I've written that I won't happily dust off and abuse again lol.

Who is your favorite character to write for? Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom?

It's been Charles for ever and ever until the last couple of years when I started churning out all the bottom!Erik and Erik POV fics.

What’s the fandom/pairing distribution of your posted fics?

X-Men (144) Dragon Age 2 (5) Welcome to the Punch (1) The Hobbit (1)

Of the X-Men ones, Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier (102), Logan (X-Men)/Charles Xavier (50), Erik Lehnsherr/Sebastian Shaw (21) are the top 3 pairings by # of fics.

In Legacy of Sin, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

In the first chapter of Little Girl Lost, Wanda sends her younger siblings off with Pietro to wash up and grab dinner and she goes back down to the bunker for Erik and Shinobi. That scene where she spies on them having sex, and her inner monologue (the resentment, jealousy, self-loathing) is my favorite :D

In Legacy of Sin, is there a deleted scene/idea you wish you could have included? Why did it get cut?

When I started writing the very first fic in the series I wanted to write a scene/scenes from earlier in Shaw and Erik's marriage, maybe showing how they got together but I couldn't make it fit with the story. Of course I've now gone and started a prequel, so all those deleted scenes/ideas will probably end up getting written after all!

Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

Not consciously, but I'm sure I have been influenced by all the amazing writing/writers in this fandom! What are your favorite fics at the moment?

I adore the Krakoa is for two very specific mutants series by Sotano for my comics Cherik fix. Travels with Charles, in Search of America by midrashic has incredible world-building and sort of reminds me a bit of Fallout. Absolutely on pins and needles waiting for the next update of invisible string by soetry. And adored these two recent fics: twenty four hours from tulsa by intentation and Heartbeat by druswriting

Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3? Yes though not very many (5). I'm on ao3 alot so I don't really miss new fics being posted so I don't feel the need to subscribe.

What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten? Wow I don't think I can think of just one! I think ones where people tell me I've made them cry or yell or feel x emotion intensely are my favourite :D

Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love? Same list as my personal favorite fics: We'll Always Have Paris, It's Been A Long Time and An End Comes to All Good Things

Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?

The love that Do Not Answer Because The Sex Was Terrible gets relative to my other fics makes me laugh in that I whipped this baby off in no time at all, and mostly on a whim and it has many times more hits/kudos than the ones I worked hardest on (of course) :D

[pegasusknightcore]

i know i'm just another white woman online but i think the thing that is so frustrating/perplexing to me about tumblr's 2024 Rap Discourse is that it really underlines so many white people's inability to actually listen and humanize black people. it underlines the way that white "anti-racism" still dehumanizes and others black people.

they can talk about why anti-blackness is bad, and talk to other white people on here about why whitewashing is bad and why structural racism is bad but they can't actually handle black people saying the same things in their own words.

to be clear, i am no better here. i am constantly working on my internalized racism and my internalized anti-blackness. this is a lifelong struggle because we're socialized with white supremacy and it's so hard to undo. but consuming black art and actually listening to black people Obviously makes a huge difference because, well, it is humanizing.

even beyond that, when you hear people complain about sexdrugsviolence in black music, the fact of the matter is that those things are all products of white supremacy and the structures that people live within. but white people create art about similar things, no?

is Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B.'s WAP not a radical reclaiming of sexuality by women? yet we don't flinch when white women sing about sex on top of house beats.

when it comes to drugs, what's the difference between white people favorites such as TiK ToK and 50 on High all the Time?

we idolize Kurt Cobain and the violence he sings about frequently, but what's the difference between him and, say, 2Pac?

what's the difference? seems clear to me.

so yeah, listen to the rest of Kendrick Lamar. let the pain and wisdom in the words in The Blacker the Berry sink in.

listen to The Roots on Don't Feel Right and the way they present american fascism in a clear view in a way that it would take us white american leftists decades to understand.

listen to Public Enemy talk about black representation on Burn Hollywood Burn and the way that media has no interest in portraying black people in a positive light or any light that may upset white audiences.

but it's not just about conscious hip-hop and the oppression that black people face and have been speaking up about. all of the artists I've mentioned are so much more than that because, they're people who have so much more to them than that.

listen to Kendrick talk about love and heartbreak on LOVE. listen to The Roots enjoy the thrill of competition on Adrenaline. listen to Public Enemy just have a good goddamn time on Give It Up.

ultimately, the fact of the matter is that despite claiming to be anti-racist, when confronted with a black person talking about their existence, white leftists and liberals still find it easier to listen when it's "more palatable".

when people make you think about the white supremacy you participate in, it's a lot easier to ignore them, huh?

[alanaisalive]

I hear other people of my generation talk about Kurt Cobain's death and how their schools brought in counsellors and let them out of class because the grief hit so many so hard.

My school was too numb to care. I personally didn't process much about Kurt Cobain until about 5 years later. To us at the time, he felt like one more body on an ever growing pile.

In March of 1994, I was in 11th grade. A kid from my class had recently transferred to the next district over, and on his way to school one morning, a friend of his family had a heart attack behind the wheel, swerved into his lane and hit him head on, killing him instantly. He was 17.

Only a few days later, a girl who had graduated from our school the previous year (the older sister of well loved twin seniors) was hit head on and killed by someone committing suicide by driving the wrong way up a freeway off ramp.

Then on March 28th, a senior from my school went to a party and killed 3 people. They brought in counsellors. His little sister was in my German class. She had to clear out his locker.

(His first parole board hearing was just a couple months ago. He's 48 years old and he's been in prison since he was a stupid 18 year old kid. Parole was denied.)

Kurt Cobain died a little over a week after the shooting. Life went on as what passed for normal at my school. I guess they had already spent all the grief counsellor money.

Kurt Cobain means a lot to me personally. Nirvana played music that really spoke to me. Music that screamed in pain. In college, Nirvana was my main autistic hyperfixation for a long time. They're the reason I first learned guitar and the reason I never did learn to give a shit about fitting in or being normal.

Once I started playing music, I found that my own musical voice didn't sound like Kurt. I found a few other bands that suited my playing style a bit more, and a lot of them were from Seattle too. My favorite, because I was still a Christian at the time, was Poor Old Lu.

In my senior year at the University of Minnesota, Duluth, I was accepted to a graduate program in public history in Milwaukee, but I wasn't good enough to qualify for the copious scholarships that had gotten me through undergrad. So rather than work full time while paying for grad school, I moved to Seattle to just work full time.

The only person I knew in Seattle was Scott Hunter, the then former lead singer of Poor Old Lu. They had broken up amicably in 1996. I went to his church and that's where I met a lot of people in the Seattle music scene. The two who have their own Wikipedia pages were Aaron Sprinkle (also of Poor Old Lu) who has been a solo musician and producer for decades, and Damien Jurado, another prolific solo musician. Damien and I bonded over being on the same antidepressants. He had been signed to Sub Pop records a while after Nirvana, but knew them socially from industry stuff. The way he talked about Kurt, I could tell he felt grief tinged with regret.

Eventually I left the church, and then Christianity altogether. I moved back to Minnesota for a year to get my shit together and then moved to Scotland. I never really unpacked my guitars.

My grief right now 30 years after Kurt's death is a mixture of grief related to him and his family and friends and also grief related to myself and all the versions of me who have lived and died in the past 30 years.

But as Kurt said: oh well, whatever, nevermind.

[mrsniallhoran505]

I absolutely love Elvis. There has never ever been a doubt about it. He's been my favorite artist of all time since I was a baby. I've seen all his movies. I owned so much merch and memorabilia as a child that I unfortunately lost in my three moves. I can mimic nearly all his dances just by listening to a song. I can name nearly all his songs with just one second audio clips. My bro hates that I can. But with all that said... There is one song that for the life of me I cannot picture Elvis singing it no matter how hard I try. Such a night will always always be Kurt Russell's song to me...

(my favorite fun fact is Kurt did a movie with Elvis when he was a child, then he played Elvis in the TV movie Elvis after Elvis's death, then decades later he played the illegitimate son of Elvis in another movie)

[rhiannamoss]

Recent Developments in Near Eastern Chronology and Radiocarbon Dating

Radiocarbon dating of Palestine in the Early Bronze Age. Correcting for isotopic fractionation, as is done for all radiocarbon dates to allow comparison between results from different parts of the biosphere, gives an apparent age of about 400 years for ocean surface water. Identify the age of materials that can be approximately determined using Radiocarbon dating. But even if you’re not explicitly sharing certain preferences with an app, these platforms can still amplify potentially problematic dating preferences. If you’re sharing photos or videos through a dating app, yes, the company has access to those. Share All sharing options for: Facebook has always been about relationships. “Facebook executives say that there are 200 million people on Facebook who identify as ‘single.’ That’s a relatively small percentage of Facebook’s 2.2 billion total monthly users, but it’s an enormous potential audience for a dating service,” he writes. To use Facebook’s own words, it’s complicated. How do the algorithms use my data to suggest matches?

Facebook Dating says it matches people based on what they like. Even though Facebook has said it does not plan to make money on Facebook Dating, Recode’s Kurt Wagner estimated that it could be a multibillion dollar business. The second-least-sexy social media app (after LinkedIn) has officially entered the business of love. Since filing for divorce from husband Simon Konecki in September 2019 after seven years together, Adele has "been a lot more social and opened up quite a bit," the source close to Adele says. נערות ליווי במרכז This service even allows people to do something together, like listening to favorite music or reading nice book which is vital important to unite people with common interests. Online dating platforms use algorithms to match you with women who might have the same personality and interests as you. Use these common phrases and turn them into a winning icebreaker. While we don’t know exactly how these different algorithms work, there are a few common themes: It’s likely that most dating apps out there use the information you give them to influence their matching algorithms.

Will people actually use it? Facebook says it will include the ability to add Instagram Stories to profiles by the end of the year. But with a $5 billion Federal Trade Commission fine settled in July over privacy concerns - the largest penalty ever against a tech company - and a new antitrust investigation ongoing, the question of whether Facebook is equipped to handle even more potentially far more intimate personal data is a big one. And on Tinder, a security flaw caused by issues on both the Facebook platform and Tinder’s login system allowed researchers to take over accounts on the dating app with just a user’s phone number (the problem, which was raised in 2018, was quickly fixed). The dating website Christian Café has been in the game since 1999. With over two decades of experience in the dating game, it’s certainly an attractive option to consider. No, not everyone who uses online dating websites is a Christian. One study last year found connecting online is now the most popular way to meet for US heterosexual couples, and Pew reports that 57 percent of people who used an online dating app found it to be at least a somewhat positive experience.

Here’s how The Verge’s Ashley Carman explained the method behind that algorithm: “The company’s technology breaks people down based on who has liked them. The people behind Silver Singles understand that older people are more at-risk of falling for malicious deeds including scams. And this makes you more popular getting rated by others which shows interest in you. If your visceral reaction to initial romantic interest is “Yay! Last year, a team supported by Mozilla designed a game called MonsterMatch that was meant to demonstrate how biases expressed by your initial swipes can ultimately impact the field of available matches, not only for you but for everyone else. Analysts estimate the market could be worth $12 billion by 2020, and Match Group, which owns nearly all of the most popular dating apps besides Bumble, pulled in $1.7 billion in revenue last year. Despite its lateness to the game, Facebook Dating will tap into a wildly lucrative market. It will get your data. How will Facebook Dating work? If Facebook Dating were ever going to be a thing, it seems like it should have happened in the very beginning. Like a lot of other tech platforms, these sites’ privacy policies generally state that they can give your data when facing a legal request like a court order.

[nwdsc]

(▶︎ Quality Over Opinion | Louis coleから)

Quality Over Opinion by Louis cole

Louis Cole is a singer-songwriter and sickeningly talented multi-instrumentalist with a strong DIY aesthetic from Los Angeles, California. He is on a mission to create deep feelings through music and is the figurehead of an LA jazz-adjacent scene that includes Genevieve Artadi (with whom Cole co-founded the alt pop / electrofunk band KNOWER in 2009), Sam Gendel, Sam Wilkes, Jacob Mann, Dennis Hamm, Pedro Martins and more. He will release his new album “Quality Over Opinion” on 14th October 2022 on Brainfeeder Records. 20 tracks deep, it was written, performed and produced on his own in his modest home studio, but Louis did invite a handful of close friends to contribute, namely Genevieve Artadi (“my no.1 music collaborator”); saxophonist Sam Gendel – Cole’s friend for 17 years; pianist Chris Fishman; Nate Wood from the band Kneebody; Marlon Mackey (“a pillar of the Bakersfield music scene”); and guitarist Kurt Rosenwinkel. “This album is a representation of me trying to make the best, most powerful and listenable music I can. For myself and also others,” he says. Louis’s main instrument is the drums and he has a background in jazz although the music he writes bears little resemblance to jazz in any pure or classical sense. His connection to the movement is more conceptual: “The root of jazz is pure freedom… no limits… just what you’re thinking right at that moment… a pure blast of limitlessness”. Accordingly Cole’s touchstones for “Quality Over Opinion” include boundary-pushing composers such as Gustav Mahler and György Ligeti alongside jazz icons like Miles Davis, the Swedish extreme metal band Meshuggah, Morten Lauridsen (distinguished professor of music and American Choral Master) and Super Mario Kart. “There is no continuous thread of a story on this album, each song expresses its own moment in my life and time,” explains Louis. “I was inspired by joy, pain and the constant mission to pull something out of life around me”. New single ‘I’m Tight’ arrives hot on the heels of ‘Let it Happen’ – “a timeless modern power ballad classic” released earlier this month. In contrast, ‘I’m Tight’ is a sleek, laser-focused Funk rocket, based on an utterly irresistible bassline. “It comes from me recording about 100 different cells of funk, choosing my favorite ones and quilting them together into a song,” says Louis. “I had to practice the bass part a lot for this one,” he adds, smiling. Cole’s insane musicianship is no secret – he’s been sharing performance videos on YouTube for a decade – growing a dedicated fanbase who appreciate both his craft and off-the-wall style. Drums, bass, keys… he has a monk-like attitude to practice and perfecting his art. Thundercat describes him as “one of Los Angeles's greatest musicians” and earlier this year invited him to play drums on his recent tour of Japan. The pair have frequently written together including on the aptly titled ‘I Love Louis Cole’ from Thundercat’s Grammy-winning album “It Is What It Is”, ‘Bus in the Streets’ and ‘Jameel’s Space Ride’ (from Thundercat’s 2017 opus “Drunk”) and ‘Tunnels in the Air’ for Louis’ 2018 album “Time”. Flying Lotus has also expressed admiration for Louis, calling him “super inspirational” during the writing of his 2019 album “Flamagra”. Touring incessantly, Louis sold out two shows at EartH Hackney (1k cap) in London during his last UK tour. He has also appeared at North Sea Jazz Festival, Montreal Jazz Festival, Newport Jazz Festival, Rock En Seine, Jazz a Vienne, Jazz à la Villette, Wonderfruit, Vancouver Jazz Festival, Maiden Voyage and more. Last year Louis embarked on his biggest collaboration to date with the Grammy-winning Metropole Orkest conducted by Jules Buckley, for a string of unique shows in the Netherlands, with more to come in 2023. This October he will tour the US with his big band. クレジット2022年10月14日リリース

[enochianribs]

Heath’s Ultimate Horror Recs; A MASTERPOST.

We’ll start off with my letterboxd top four (in no true order)

1. The Thing (1982)

First of all, it is unanimously agreed that the only way this movie could have been improved would be if Kurt Russel had worn a crop top that said “baby slut”. This movie has everything and is one of the (if not the original) Imposter movies. It takes place in the arctic, and is a little bit creature, gore, and psychological horror. It’s smart and it's fun! Not too scary, but a good time for sure.

2. Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Please ignore that Joss Whedon made this as it is, unfortunately, INCREDIBLY fun. Like so much fucking fun. It’s a movie that completely deconstructs horror movie tropes, and I don’t mean that in a pretentious not-like-the-other-movies way. It literally deconstructs them, and has the most ridiculous half-twist at the end that really just ties it all together. If you like final girls, and every possible horror movie villain you could get your hands on, this is the movie for you. If you don’t already know the plot, go in blind.

3. Possession (1981)

NOBODY, NOBODY, NOBODYYYYYYYY. This movie personifies what it feels like to have a Mitski-induced breakdown. I believe it was banned for a time in much of Europe upon release for going too hard. It’s not really like “demon on the ceiling. gotta call the exorcist” and more like “go stupid go crazy”. Gets More and More as it goes on. Bonus points for Sam Neill, an underrated horror guy. Foreign Film. 10/10.

4. Jennifer’s Body (2009)

Literally ahead of its time. Girls kiss girls kiss boys kill boys kill girls. Yeah. I’m using the word- it’s camp TO ME. Again, not particularly scary (that’s what the next section is for) but it is very fun and also it is a romantic tragedy. I don’t know what else to say.

SUPER HONORABLE MENTIONS (that might be mentioned in later categories):

Nope (2022)

Candyman (1992)

Alien (1979)

Okay. Now the ones that really got me good (that are rec’able)

1. Hereditary

Did I like the plot of this movie? No. Did I like this movie? No. Did I leave the theater wanting to crawl out of my skin and throw said skin into the trash with the popcorn? Yes. Rancid vibes, and for that it gets #1. Personally, it hit all my marks for going NOPE. -1000/10. (Really though, I thought the plot was dumb but my god was this movie the literal definition of horrific.)

2. The Descent (2005)

I watched this movie at FAR too young of an age. I was like 8. My mom showed it to me because she thought it was cool. It made me scared of the dark for the next decade of my life. I’m a bit desensitized to horror at this point so I didn’t find it that scary upon rewatch. However, it’s my favorite combo of creature, proper build up, character-driven, and action-y. Also it’s a literal blood bath. :^)

3. 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

This movie is not a classic horror, but it did fill me with immense dread and shock and it has a left a lasting impression on me. You are a girl who gets in a car crash and wakes up in a bunker with John Badman (?) and another guy and he’s telling you the world has ended outside and that if you were to leave you’d immediately die. Except there’s no way to know if he’s telling the truth. I remember my body physically hurting from the stress after watching this for the first time.

4. It (2017)

I’m not above the clown movie. Listen, was it cosmically horrific? No! But it did have a bunch of good scares and it’s honestly one of my favorite ensemble cast movies to have ever been made. The sequel can die in a dumpster fire though. I still squirm in my seat for a few scenes even though I know Mr. Skarsgard is gonna pop out.

Conceptual Absolute Fuckin’ Bangers ( and/or amazing visuals)

1. A Quiet Place (2018)

I held my breath the entire movie, and so did the rest of the theater because it pulls you in so well. Bawled my eyes out. Amazing story, and it keeps your nerves frayed the entire time.

2. Candyman (1992)

My most favoritest slasher. Actually perhaps the only slasher I will recommend. Underhyped, a story less told and it just feels different in a nice way. It has everything, including the Looks.

3. Crimson Peak (2015)

High drama, and arguably the prettiest visuals I’ve ever seen. Definitely a vibe-based movie and not for everyone. Guillermo Del Toro at his prettiest. I would read the content warnings though, because the plot is also not for everyone.

4. Queen of the Damned (2002)

I’ll use the word again. Camp. This movie almost made me become a Vampire Person (notorious werewolf person). It’s ridiculous and bad but its also good and a vibe and everyone is very hot so what’s not to love.

5. Nope (2022)

MY BABY MY BAAAAAAAAAABY MY BAAABBY MY BABBBYYY MY BABY. Zero criticism, it’s just not on my top four horror list because I don’t think it’s a horror. I think its a sci-fi suspense action mystery masterpiece with horror as an undertone. Literally best movie of the decade.

6. Re-Animator (1985)

Cult classic. And a classic example of they made it so subtext gay that now its just text gay. Ridiculous. Body horror abound. 10/10.

7. Alien (1979)

Can you say anything bad about this movie? No. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it, but it’s very good. And of course the Face Huggers and Chest Bursters can never get enough of their dues for being icons.

8. The Ritual (2017)

Please just trust me. If you like what Nope did with The Design, you might like this movie. Because ohhhh ohhhh The Design. The first two-thirds I quite enjoy, the last third loses me a bit but then I really like the last scene. But yeah. The Design. Also spooky and fun. And it’s on netflix! Nice!

Here for a fun time, not a smart or “good” time!

1. Pitch Black (2000)

Yes, I am recc’ing a movie that stars Vin Diesel. I like Riddick. Die mad about it. But I also like this movie a lot! It’s bad in a 2000s sci-fi kinda way. But it commits to what it does and I like the characters. Shoot me. Nice blend of horror and action.

2. Tremors (1990)

Heath Lore: for like four years in a row I made my friends watch this on my birthday. It’s so very dumb and also so very fun. And. Gay cowboys. Yeehaw. (There are two sequels made prior to like 2008, and I have also watched those. They are even more dumb.)

3. Poltergeist (1982)

My mom also showed me this movie when I was about 6 or so. Traumatized me for life. I was a little bit paranoid about EVERYTHING. I’m re-watching for the first time in a long time this year, but honestly this movie goes so hard and for what. To be rated PG? That’s how my mom convinced me to watch it.

4. Brain Damage (1988)

gonna be honest. went full monkey brain during this one. main character...sexy. this concludes my thought process. it’s very dumb and bad, and i would probably read the trigger warnings before you watch it.

5. The Evil Dead (franchise)

So much happening, I would argue none of it “good”. Fun time.

6. The People Under the Stairs (1991)

Spoiler alert: there are people under the stairs. A movie where I kept yelling WHAT?! W H A T?! Amazing. 10/10.

Modern Horror Gems (not Oscar Worthy)

1. The Conjuring (2013)

I really like this movie. It’s not perfect and it’s not innovative, but I think it was well made and I think the scares are good. Also Ed and Lorraine Warren (movie versions, not the real people) are relationship goals for real.

2. Shutter Island (2010)

There is definitely a lot happening in this movie. Psychological. Story driven. I did like it though.

3. Revenge (2017)

Action, thriller, horror. Woman stuck with a group of bad men in the middle of the desert. Woman seeks Revenge with a capital R. French film, very violent.

Final category: Movies that make you go Huh?!

1. Titane (2021)

Such a weird fucking movie. So fucking weird. So fucking weird. French film.

2. Eraserhead

I discovered my love for brown noise through this movie and fell asleep within thirty minutes. I liked it quite a bit though, I think, when I finished it the next day.

OK THAT’S ALL FOR NOW. THANK YOU FOR READING <3

[doshmanziari]

Here’s a little trip down one candlelit memory lane. While revisiting the campus of a university I attended for a semester, my girlfriend and I stopped by a cafe. As I looked at the interior, I remembered that, years ago, I’d spent time here on several weeknights fastidiously editing Wikipedia pages for the Castlevania series. Wikipedia had existed then for a few years beforehand, but most of these pages were in their infancy, or had yet to be made. This meant that one had the opportunity to set the tone and content for each, and also potentially be the only person, or one of few people, working on them (look at the edit history for Harmony of Dissonance’s page and you will see that in September, 2005 I, under the username Diplocephalus, was pretty much the sole editor for strings of days).

Wikipedia’s standards were generally not as strict then, either: what you might see on a given page for a piece of media is rather what you might now see on, say, a series-dedicated wiki -- digital reams of writing focusing on very visibly fan-authored minutiae. Such wikis presumably developed as this minutiae was deemed by Wikipedia’s editors to be exactly that, and irrelevant, or at worst antithetical, to some ideal of objectivity, and mass-deleted.

This leads me to this post’s first four images, comparing Symphony of the Night’s early Wikipedia page to its current wiki page, and the same for Harmony of Dissonance. This comparison is amusing to me because the Wikipedia text of each was authored by myself -- meaning that it has survived elsewhere. But I doubt that whoever transplanted it knew or cared who’d authored it. It’s amusing, too, to see how I wrote about videogames and their environments seventeen years ago. There are a number of curious grammatical quirks as well, such as the quotation marks around titles... or the capitalization of “spikes.” Why I did these things, I know not.

The last two images are of a defunct Castlevania website, the Chapel of Resonance, the making and substantiating of which I was intimately involved with. I’m not sure how many people who follow this blog were ever aware of this site. It went live in either 2006 or 2007, and was specifically a response to the Castlevania Dungeon, made and and maintained by Kurt Kalata, probably most well known now as the maker of Hardcore Gaming 101. The Dungeon by then was fairly old, maybe a little less than a decade’s age, and I and some others who met on the Dungeon’s forum felt that the writing had begun to suffer from a disinterested obligation on the part of Kurt, who I believe was also less interested in the bishounen leanings of producer Koji Igarashi’s then-contemporary titles.

I could go more into all of this, and maybe one day I will, but for now I wanted to leave readers with a couple of screenshots from the Chapel of Resonance: one from its main page, which looks a little different from how it originally appeared (and obviously, charmingly, had no aspirations about “presentable” web design), and another from a section of Harmony of Dissonance’s page, devoted to its environments. In the case of the latter, I believe that it was co-authored by myself and the site’s maker, who went by The Successor. Writing such material was always my favorite part of crafting a game’s page, both because places interest me more than people in videogames and because they were opportunities to focus on details or qualities which perhaps had never been remarked upon before.

[clown-baby]

2, 9, 10, 14, 20, 21, 32

2. an album you wish you could hear again for the first time

yeezus. i got it tattooed on me for a reason lol

9. name a musician who is no longer living who you wish you could see in concert

kurt cobain kurt cobain kurt cobain 

10. what was your first concert?

i genuinely think it was david bowie, late 90s, my parents brought me along i was 5 or 6 and fell asleep during

14. is there any band/musician who you really strongly dislike? if so, why?

taylor swift, she has a few good tunes but i can’t stand her as a person lmao  

20. who (if anyone!) is your least favorite member of your favorite band?

umm favorite band is complicated bc i have so many, but I’ve been riding hard and long for Foals. i truly don’t have a member i dislike, it was sad seeing walter and then edwin go but i’m sure they had their reasons, and that Yannis jack and jimmy probably don’t hold any ill will in that decision. It’s hard to stay as a band I feel for any amount of time, much less a decade plus. I love them all whoops i guess i failed this question. 

Okay no, Arctic Monkeys 2018 and onwards Alex has been my least fave sorry not sorry

21. what is a song that you like, but that you don’t listen to very often?

it used to be I'll Take Care of U by gil scott heron and jamie xx, that one i love a lot but it would fill me with sadness bc it reminded me only of my most depressing time in my life, but now it’s a song for my fave ship and i can listen to it again. love that. 

32. what is a band/artist you really wanted to start listening to, but you just really couldn’t get into it?

fleetwood mac. I try every year man. there’s a handful songs I do love, but it’s slow going

[spaceorphan18]

Head Over Feet (2/14)

After Kurt and Blaine broke up the second time, they went their separate ways, living their separate lives in New York City. Fifteen years later, a retirement party brings them back together into each other’s orbit, with surprising, for both of them, consequences. Are they able to fit each other into their already complicated and messy lives? And are these newfound feelings real? Or just echoes of a past relationship?

Canon Divergent after Season 5.

Ao3 Link

A/N: Since the first chapter seemed to be such a huge hit - I'm dropping this today. This was all originally supposed to be the first chapter anyway! Going forward, I'm going to try to update once a month. Thanks for reading - and I hope you enjoy! :)

Thanks to @snarkyhag for the beta. :)

***

Chapter 2: Loser Like Me (Part Two) 

Kurt Hummel loves sex.  He loves the feeling of strong hands holding his body, rough lips against his skin, and a hard cock buried deep within him.  And that morning he had woken up feeling particularly horny.  He isn’t sure what exactly he had been dreaming about but his dick aches to be touched.  And luckily he shares his bed with a very hot guy who doesn’t mind taking care of it for him.  

He and Ian have been together a little over a year now, though this moving in together thing is new and still taking time to get used to.  Sex, however, is not an adjustment they need to make.  Ian doesn’t seem to mind Kurt waking him up with a hand on his cock, desperate to be fucked.  Ian might be a little slow to wake, but not long after they start, Ian’s already pulling Kurt to a quick orgasm; Kurt spilling all over Ian’s fist as Ian pumps his hips into Kurt from behind.  

The thing is, as much as Kurt loves sex, he’s not one to draw it out.  Kurt finds himself holding steady onto the bed frame, staring at the wallpaper, as Ian takes his time fucking him.  And the wallpaper is incredibly ugly.  Seriously.  He knows that Ian isn’t the one to have picked it out, but it’s a striped puke-green, burnt-orange, and tacky-gold, left over, most likely, from a renovation to the old building from the sixties.  It’s a travesty that it’s remained on the wall so long, and if Ian would just fucking come already, he wouldn’t be forced to stare at it for so long.  

Kurt fucks his hips back a little, hoping that Ian will pick up the pace.  He leans back for a kiss (that wallpaper is seared forever in his head, god) and gives out a little moan.  It’s a tiny bit performative, but it seems to do the trick, and Ian’s hips finally begin to snap, pushing him to his own orgasm.  

“Fuck, Kurt, I could wake up this way every day for forever,” Ian says, sucking a kiss to his shoulder.  

The word ‘forever’ echoes in Kurt’s brain uncomfortably.  Kurt turns in Ian’s arms, quieting him with a kiss.  “Happy to oblige.”

Ian goes in to deepen the kiss, but Kurt pulls away.  Now that he’s feeling a bit satisfied, he wants nothing more than to take a shower and get ready for the day.  He’s got about a thousand things to do, and he’s eager to get started.  Ian tries to keep him close -- he’s always wanting to make out after sex -- but Kurt manages to slip out of Ian’s light grasp.  

“Shower time,” Kurt says, wiggling his eyebrows.  

“Mmm, let me join you.”

The thought suddenly makes Kurt twitch but he tries not to show it.  What is wrong with him? His incredibly handsome boyfriend, with his disheveled dark hair and playfully pleading light eyes wants to join him in the shower for a possible part two of morning sexy times.  But having Ian shoved in next to him in their tiny shower stall makes him feel claustrophobic.  

He pushes past his discomfort to allow Ian to join him.  He even gives in to a little light making-out.  But there’s no way sex is happening in that bathroom.  

They do their morning routine together, bumping into each other in the tiny bathroom.  The sink is covered in bottles and sprays, creams and soaps, razors and combs, and they have to reach over each other to grab what they need.  Kurt is normally a very organized person, and when he moved in, he took the time to organize a side for each of them. But since then, Ian’s stuff has slowly migrated over to his side, and Ian’s slowly been using the products on Kurt’s side.  And mostly, he’d be fine with the sharing if things would just keep their place.  However, he doesn’t say anything, enjoying Ian’s good mood.  

Ian suggests breakfast, wanting to go to the little bagel shop a few blocks down.  He asks Kurt to walk with him but, just wanting a few minutes to check his emails alone, he declines.  Ian throws a look of disappointment but heads out, stating he’ll bring Kurt something back.  Kurt tries not to feel guilty about it, and reminds himself that there’s nothing wrong with wanting a few minutes to yourself.  Besides, Ian’s still excited that they’re living together.  He’ll calm down.  Surely.   Right?  

Ian being gone gives Kurt a few minutes to pick up the apartment.  There are clothes discarded in the living room, where they had been left after starting sex on the couch the night before.  There’s an old pizza box sitting on the coffee table, a few mugs with half-drunk tea, and a scattering of papers.  And underneath a pile of Ian’s sheet music is the mail from the previous week, most of which is Kurt’s.  He clenches his jaw as he goes through it, annoyed that he’s just now seeing it.  

There are a couple of old bills in here that need to be paid, as well as a bright red envelope that looks like an invitation sent from McKinley High.  He looks over the invitation with curiosity, though something else quickly catches his eye.  It’s a jewelry catalogue sent to Ian.  Specifically, a men’s jewelry catalogue.  And Ian doesn’t wear jewelry.  Highly suspect of it, he looks it over, and a growing anxiety starts to spread.  This could not possibly mean…

The door slams shut and Kurt jumps from his spot on the couch.  It’s just Ian home from the bagel shop.  

“I got your favorite, multigrain with that fancy whipped cream cheese that you like,” Ian says.  He hands him the bag and gives him a kiss on the cheek before sitting down next to him.  

“You didn’t give me my mail,” Kurt grumbles, taking the bag.  Then adds a quiet, “thank you.”  

Ian shrugs it off.  “I figured you’d see it eventually.  I’ve been wondering when you’d open that red envelope.  I wanna know what it is.”

“Oh,” Kurt places the bag with his breakfast on the coffee table and picks up the envelope from his lap, opening it.  He gives it a fond smile.  “I guess my old choir director is retiring.  There’s a party for him back in Lima.”  

“Well, that’s cool,” Ian says, grabbing the invitation out of his hand.  “Quaint.  I’m guessing you aren’t going?  I mean, other than mentioning your dad, I’ve never heard you talk about your time in Ohio.  Hell, I’ve never even heard early New York stories.  All I know is one day you walked into my piano bar, a full grown man, mysterious and sexy.”  Ian wiggles his eyebrows.  “Hard to imagine you in high school.”  

“Well, I can assure you I was anything but sexy,” Kurt says.  A flash of a memory crosses his brain - one of a performance in a warehouse, lots of boys in blazers, and a really uncomfortable situation for young Kurt.  He shakes his head, ridding his mind of it.  

“So, are you going to go?” Ian asks, far more interested in the idea than Kurt is.  

Kurt scrunches his nose at the thought.  He hasn’t stepped foot in Ohio for a better part of a decade.  There aren’t even people from high school he still talks to, not on a regular basis anyway.  It’s sweet of Will Schuester’s family to think of him, but maybe he’s better off sending a card or something.  

“I don’t know,” Kurt says, he stares at the invitation, unsure of how he feels about it.  “I don’t know.”

***

Wednesdays mean that Ian is home all day.  He is a classical pianist by trade and his day job is playing with one of New York’s symphony orchestras.  In the evenings, he usually plays gigs at local bars.  But on Wednesday, he has time off from both jobs to be home all day.  Wednesday used to be the day where Kurt spent all his time with Ian.  Now that they live together, Kurt usually spends his Wednesday anywhere but home.  

It usually lands him at his own job, running a small theater that he co-owns with his old friend, Elliott Gilbert.  Technically, Elliott’s rich grandmother’s money bought the theater, and Kurt had been brought on to manage the projects and productions that happened there.  It’s still quite a work in progress, as the building had been nearly condemned when they originally bought it a few years earlier.  But with all their hard work, they’re beginning to draw in better productions, and this might be the first year they actually draw a profit.  

When he gets in that afternoon, he finds Elliott up in the rafters, working on some of the lights.  Kurt watches for a moment as Elliott finishes whatever he’s working on.  It’s hard to say, but he has the toolbox with him, so Kurt can only guess it has to do with the lights nearly coming down the other night.  They really need to get an electrician in, but Elliott’s pretty handy about these things, and will at least try to do what he can before they have to ask for help.  

Kurt watches a good few minutes as Elliott finishes up and comes down the ladder.  

“You’re being quiet,” Elliott says, carefully bringing down the toolbox as he reaches the bottom of the ladder.  Kurt, hands in pockets, just gives a gentle shrug.  “You’re not usually quiet, which means it can only be one of a few things.  Something’s up with your dad.  You want a favor.  Or it’s boyfriend problems.”

“Well, my dad is fine, and I don’t need anything,” Kurt says.  “So….”

Elliott lets out a heavy sigh, and places the toolbox on the ground.  “It wouldn’t kill you to go to therapy, you know.”

“You’re not my therapist?”

“Alright, so this session is going to cost you three-hundred dollars,” Elliott looks at his watch.  “You have twenty minutes.  Go.”

Kurt lets out a laugh as he follows Elliott to the edge of the stage.  Elliott jumps off but Kurt lowers himself to sit on the edge, his legs hanging off.  Elliott makes a shrug for Kurt to get on with it.  

“So, I was going through some mail, and I found this jewelry catalogue.  It had a lot of men’s engagement rings,” Kurt says.  Elliott makes a face as if to say ‘and…?’  Kurt purses his lips.  “I think Ian might ask me to marry him.”  

“Have you guys even talked about marriage?”

“Definitely not.”  

Elliott doesn’t seem at all convinced.  “Maybe it was just an ad then.  I get shit like that all the time.  I somehow managed to be subscribed to a women’s lingerie catalogue for years.”  

Kurt still can’t rid himself of the low-level anxiety he’s been feeling about it all day.  “Even so, I just… don’t like the idea.”  

“I thought you and Ian were doing great?”

“We are, we are,” Kurt says.  Elliott, again, doesn’t seem convinced.  “Ian’s in the honeymoon stage of wanting to do everything together, and I don’t know.  We’ve been together for a year.  We know how we are.  Do we really need to do everything together now that we live together?”  

Elliott folds his arms across his chest.  “Kurt, if this is becoming an issue, why did you agree to move in with him in the first place?”

Kurt stares up at the ceilings.  The old, red curtains have a few fringes and tears, and Kurt wonders vaguely, if they should get new ones or if anyone would really notice.  He kicks the stage lightly as he avoids Elliott’s question.  “I mean, my apartment lease was up, and they were going to double my rent.”  

“Oh, god,” Elliott chokes out.  “Please tell me that wasn’t the only reason.”  

“It’s not,” his voice squeaks a little too much on the words.  “I also, you know, love him.”  

Elliott shakes his head.  Kurt knows judgment when he sees it.  “This is just classic Kurt,” he says.  

“You know, there’s nothing wrong with having an adjustment period with having to live with someone after I’ve had my own place for so long,” Kurt says, defending himself.  

“Uh-huh.”

“I just like my independence.”

Elliott’s eyebrow is arched high.  “Or you like sabotaging your relationships.”

Kurt scoffs, looking off to the side of the stage.  They’re going to need to scrub this whole place down before allowing anyone to do a production here again.  Elliott, however, is not letting him off the hook, and eyes him hard.  “I do not do that.”

“Then why have I seen you more in the past couple of weeks than you’ve probably seen him?”

It’s a fair question, Kurt admits to himself.  “Well, I do find you tolerable.”  

“Kurt, you don’t find any of your boyfriends tolerable,” Elliott says.  He almost sounds annoyed, but he knows Elliott’s limits and he knows he hasn’t reached them.  But truth be told, he’s as sick of himself as Elliott probably is.  “Who was that guy before Ian? That Matt guy? Why did you break up with him?”

He picked the scab, of course Elliott is going to rip open the old wounds.  “Because he wanted me to be ‘a part of the family’,” Kurt replies, using air quotes to highlight his point.  Matt had been a sweet guy, but his family had been his life.  He hadn’t been ready to be a part of any family, let alone one that had been as close as Matt’s had been.  He felt as if he had been suffocating every time they went to visit.  “His family was crazy.  I didn’t need to be a part of that.”  

Elliott nods, continuing on.  “Okay, and Joey was the one before that.  I remember him because he helped clean up this place when we bought it.”  

Kurt bites his lip.  He did feel bad about that.  Joey had been so quick to offer his time.  But Joey also had been there.  All the time.  It had been too much.  “He was super clingy,” Kurt says quietly, though he hates that he’s seeing the trend.

“Sure he was,” Elliott says.  A grin slips onto his lips.  “And then there was Steven.”  

“He wanted to marry me six months into the relationship,” Kurt says.  He snaps a little too loud, his voice echoing in the empty theater.  Elliott remains amused, even if Kurt is not.  “Who knows they want to get married six months into a relationship?  Why are you getting on my case about this?  It’s not like you don’t go through, like, three guys a week.”  

Elliott throws his head back in a laugh.  “Well, I am at peace with my slutty ways.  Look, Kurt, it’s not about the number of guys you go through.   It’s just that, well, honestly, I’ve known you forever.  And I know you’re this old school romantic and the slutty ways will never be satisfying for you.  Did it ever occur to you that the reason it doesn’t work out with these guys is not because you’re this progressive independent, but because deep down you want to be an old school married, and haven’t found the right person to be with yet?”

The gnawing pit in his stomach starts to fade as he thinks about the old fantasy -- the one he had as a kid, where you met your prince, and you lived happily ever after.  Only, real life doesn’t happen like that.  Most guys are not princes, and the ones who are don’t always lead to happily ever after.  He knows better than to be unrealistic, but maybe he’s pushing people too far away.  

“Do you think I’ve made a mistake?” Kurt asks, he begins bouncing his foot against the stage again.  

Elliott goes soft in deposition.  “You know I can’t answer that for you.”

“You’re probably right,” Kurt says.  He thinks of Ian - of his kind smile and good heart.   He shouldn’t be running, even if every ounce of him feels like it’s too much.  “Ian is a good guy, and I’ve been…”

“Difficult?”

“I was going to say myself, but thank you.”

“I do my best.” Elliott playfully taps his knee.  “If you want, though, you can crash at my place for a few days.  I’m gonna be out of town.  Some third cousin is getting married, and Mom insists that everyone be there.”

“No, I’m good,” Kurt insists.  And then an idea hits him.  “You know, I got an invitation to go back to Lima.  Old high school choir thing.  Maybe I’ll take a long vacation and do that.  It could give me some time to clear my head -- reflect on my questionable life choices.”  

Elliott gives a hearty laugh.  “You haven’t talked about Lima in years.  Besides, going back to Lima might force you to dig into your past, and we all know how much you enjoy doing that.”

Kurt swats at Elliott.  “It’ll be fine.  What’s the worst that can happen?”

***

After work, Kurt doesn’t go home right away.  Instead, he opts to walk around the city for a while.  There’s a slight chill, causing him to bundle his jacket a little tighter, and the sky is overcast, threatening a storm rolling in.  He won’t be out too late, but he knows Ian is back home waiting for him and he’s just not ready for it yet.  

His conversation with Elliott plays over in his head.  He does like his independence.  He always has.  Even when he had been a little boy, his parents had let him play on his own.  And after years of rejection from kids his own age, he learned that sometimes being on your own is your best bet.  It’s not that he doesn’t like the company his boyfriends have brought him over the years.  He just likes his space. And his peace and quiet. And his room to move about as he pleases.  And sometimes boyfriends make him feel too tied down.  

But he can’t help but think about what Elliott had said.  The thing that seems to stick in his brain, wiggling to the forefront of his thoughts.  Maybe he wants to be an old married? Maybe he does want that connection, that one person who seems to know him, who understands him enough that there will be days when they’re inseparable, and days when they’re apart.  He likes the idea of coming home to the same face every day to see someone who can read him like a book, who will enjoy the same things as him, who will love him for the insufferable human being he always seems to be.  

But are there really people out there like that?  

Maybe he’s not giving Ian enough credit.  When they had decided to move in together, Kurt thought it had been the most optimal choice.  Living costs would come down.  He’d have a partner to spend his time with.  And the sex.  God, Ian knows how to have sex.  

But permanently?  The buzz of anxiety begins to grow at the thought.  There are too many little things about Ian, too many things about himself that just don’t feel right.  It’s not perfect.  Well -- it’s never going to be perfect, he argues with himself.  But still…  

The storm breaks sooner than Kurt expects, a sudden heavy rain coming down.  Kurt stands on the street corner, looking up at the sky as he gets drenched.  Maybe the universe is trying to tell him something, and he can’t help but laugh as the rain splashes his face.  

Just as he’s about to head home, however, he catches a sign on the corner of a building.  A sign advertising an open leasing on a loft, with a number attached.  For a moment, he’s transferred back in time to all those years ago, when he lived in a loft in Bushwick with four other people all of whom had been trying to make it in the city.  He hasn’t thought about that loft in ages.  Hasn’t thought about those people in ages.  God, what even happened to…  

He tries hard not to think of the name that first pops in his head.  But he can’t help but see the face.  He shakes his head, as if attempting to get rid of the image.  

Nostalgia hits him just then.  

Nostalgia for a place he left long ago, for people whom he never thought he’d miss.  He is going to take that trip to Lima.  He does need a break from Ian.  He does need to get his life sorted out.  But mostly, he feels a soft ache for returning home -- even if he’s not sure where that is anymore.  

***

A week later, Kurt finds himself rolling up to one of Lima’s three motels in a car he rented at the airport.  It’s strange coming back to the city he grew up in and, yet, not returning back to his childhood home.  He had thought about driving past, but he hadn’t necessarily wanted to see through the window to see whatever happy suburban family had bought the place.  Instead, he had driven straight to the motel that he had booked himself the moment he knew he would be coming back.  

There is something surreal about returning to the place you grew up after so much time has passed.  It’s like time has frozen, remaining exactly the same as the moment you left, even if there are new storefronts in the old buildings, expansions where wooded areas used to be, and a real attempt, it seems, to clean the place up.  It feels unchanged, and Kurt can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing.  It’s just a thing.  

It’s evening by the time he gets in.  The motel room is bland and tiny, and the four channels on the TV don’t offer much entertainment.  He lays down on the bed to stare at the ceiling, thinking if there’s anything he could do.  Most places in Lima shut down before eight, even on a Friday night.  And it’s not like he has anyone to call. He had been texting Mercedes Jones earlier in the week, shocked that her number had still been the same, but she had explained that she wouldn’t be getting in until very late and implied that whatever plans she had wouldn’t be with him.  He had understood, and it’s not like he won’t be seeing her the next day anyway.  Scrolling through his phone, he finds that he doesn’t have a single other contact from high school he could call.  

Maybe he should just text Ian -- but as his thumb hovers over his boyfriend’s name, he remembers that Ian is probably playing a concert that weekend. And even if he waits until later when Ian’s home, he just doesn’t want to ruin Ian’s good time by explaining that he can’t quite quash the crushing sense of loneliness that seems to be his homecoming.  

Why did he think this would be a good idea?

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices a neon flashing light, and through the window he sees a building that he hasn’t thought about in years.  Thinking anywhere is better than being stuck in that sad motel room for the next twelve hours, Kurt heads out into the night.  

***

Scandals is, if nothing else, exactly how he remembers it.  Not that his memories are anything more than fuzzy blips of moments from long ago.  He remembers the same posters being on the wall, in the same tattered state.  He remembers the huge, neon signs lining the walls.  And god, the music even feels strikingly similar.  There aren’t, he thinks with a laugh, any drag queens though.  

The atmosphere is quiet for a Friday night.  There are a few guys out on the dance floor, enjoying each other’s company, but most of the people in the bar are huddled in the darkened corners.  No one looks up from their conversations to notice him come in.  The bouncer is too busy flirting with a denim dressed, bearded guy leaning against the wall to notice him slip by.  

He’s not a few steps in when he realizes coming out to a bar seems like a silly thing to do, but makes a deal with himself to have one drink before he heads back to the motel and to do the sensible thing in calling Ian.  

But as he heads to the bar, he sees something that makes him freeze in his tracks.  

Is that…?

It can’t possibly be…?

Blaine Anderson is sitting at the bar, casually chatting with the bartender as he sips a beer.  Kurt is stunned to see him, his mind reeling at how this is even possible.  There is only one gay bar in Lima.  And he’s probably here for the reunion.  

But still… Blaine Anderson, of all people.  

There’s a tiny part of him that wants to run.  Turn on his heel and walk right back out of that bar and not even worry about the formal meeting they’ll inevitably have tomorrow at the reunion.  He doesn’t though.  

He watches Blaine for a moment, in his element, throwing his head back to laugh at something the bartender said.  It’s astounding to Kurt at how much and how little Blaine has changed.  Age, it seems, has done him well.  There’s less gel in his hair, allowing the natural curls to reveal themselves.  His face is harder, jawbone more defined. He’s wearing a dark sweater vest, but no bowtie, and the shirt underneath is unbutton, revealing a wisp of hair on his chest.  Blaine is no longer that young boy he once knew.  Sitting at the bar is a man.  

And yet… his movements are exactly the same.  The way he crinkles his eyes when he laughs, the way he lightly touches the bartender’s arm while expressing his point, the way casually plays with the napkin on the counter.  That’s still the Blaine he used to know.  

Kurt takes a deep breath, releasing the tension running through him.  He could leave… but he doesn’t really want to.  It’s been a decade since they’ve seen each other.  That’s enough time to let old wounds heal, right?

Kurt takes the plunge.

“I’m guessing this place rarely sees a man as gorgeous as you.  Mind if I buy you a drink?”

Blaine turns around, utterly shocked to see him there.  Kurt’s confidence slips as the silence lingers.  Maybe this had been a bad idea.  But then, Blaine breaks out into a grin.  

“Kurt?” He says his name slowly, as if it’s unfamiliar in a way, but easily slides off his stool, going in for a hug.  It’s awkward -- where do you put your hands and arms? How close do you stand? How do you properly greet someone you once agreed to share your life with?  Someone who is a relative stranger now.  It’s bizarre to him that somehow, Blaine still feels so familiar in his arms. “Please, join me.” Blaine offers the stool next to him as they slip apart.  “I’ll definitely take you up on that drink.”

Kurt sits down, suddenly feeling much more nervous than he had been.  Blaine waives down the bartender -- asking for beer, while Kurt shortly asks for an amaretto sour.  He definitely needs something to calm him down.  How is Blaine being so calm? Is he hiding it better? Or is it that he’s soon to be on his third beer?

“So, what are you doing here?” Blaine asks, placing his head on his hand, now looking amused.  There’s no anger there. No resentment, or negativity.  Blaine genuinely seems to be happy to see him.  Based on how they had left things all that time ago, Blaine could have harbored some ill will towards him.  But they are both adults now.  And it had been a long, long time ago.  

“I’m in town for Mr. Schue’s retirement party,” Kurt says.  He rubs his legs, not sure what to do with his hands.

Blaine nods, finishing off the beer he had been drinking when Kurt had arrived.  “Oh, yeah, I figured that.  I meant, what are you doing here ?” He uses both hands to point down.  

“Oh!” Kurt feels a little silly not understanding.  Thankfully, the bartender brings them their drinks.  Kurt wastes no time gulping half of it down as if it were a shot.  “I saw it from the motel window.  Call me crazy, but I was feeling nostalgic.”

“Huh,” Blaine takes a long sip from his bottle, narrowing his eyes as he thinks it over.  “You’re not staying with Burt?”

“Oh, god, right you wouldn’t know,” Kurt laughs as he stirs his drink.  “Dad retired a few years ago.  He and Carole moved to Arizona to be closer to her sister.”

“Ah, gotcha.”

“I guess I could have stayed with Uncle Andy,” Kurt continues, remaining fixated on his drink as he talks.  “He and his sons took over the tire shop.  But we’re not exactly close.  And he has, like, ten dogs.  I’d rather take my chances with the motel.”

Blaine nods, sympathetically.  

“What about you?” Kurt asks.  “How’s your family?”

“They’re pretty good,” Blaine says, easily.  “Cooper has three little girls.  Here, let me show you.”  Blaine wastes no time fishing out his phone, scrolling through the roll for a picture of three gorgeous young girls who all, clearly, take after Cooper.  Kurt coos accordingly but he can’t help but notice Blaine’s left hand, and the indentation of skin where a ring used to be.  It makes him wonder.

“So, what are you doing now?” Kurt asks, trying to relax on his stool.  He rests his elbow on the wooden bar, and his head on his hand.

“I teach, actually.  New York Institute of Fine Arts,” Blaine says, taking another sip of his beer with a laugh.  “I mean, I still perform every now and then.  But an adjunct professor was needed, and a friend of mine pulled some strings, and I just kind of fell into it.  I love it though.”  There’s no lie in Blaine’s voice.  Blaine had always been a passionate person, but it’s clear by his demeanor that he loves his job.  

Kurt smiles meekly, happy for him.  “A private school, of course.  How very you.  Actually, now that I think of it, that’s not far from my theater.”

“You have a theater?” Blaine’s eyes grow wide with interest.  

“Well, half a theater,” Kurt rocks his head from side to side, as if it’s a silly little thing, and not the pride and joy that he’s sunk most of his adult life into, now.  He plays with the nearby peanut bowl.  “The Gilbert Theater.”

“Oh, I know that place,” Blaine says.  There’s excitement in his voice.  Kurt isn’t sure why this makes him happy.    “I thought it had been condemned.  I mean - I’m sure you’ve fixed it up.”

“Oh we have,” Kurt says, thinking about all the work he’s put into it over the years.  “Elliott and I renovated it.  You wouldn’t even recognize it now.”

Blaine takes another slow slip of his drink.  “Elliott?  Like from college?” Kurt nods slowly. “Ah. So are you guys…”

“Oh, no,” Kurt quickly corrects.   “God, no.  Business partners only.”  It’s such a funny thought to him.  Elliott.  They’re like brothers.  No, he’s definitely not romantically linked with Elliott.  There is someone else… but he quickly pushes Ian out of his brain.  He doesn’t want to think about him. “So this is crazy, right? That we both ended up in the same sleazy place?  Maybe the universe was trying to push us together again.”

Blaine gives an uncomfortable laugh. “Well, there is only one gay bar in Lima, but I suppose…”

An awkward silence grows between them.  Blaine bops his head to the music.  Kurt munches on some peanuts.  They both avoid direct eye contact.  The uneasiness that Kurt had felt when he first walked in begins to return.  Maybe he should go.  

The bartender breaks the silence, asking Blaine if he’d like another drink.  There’s an ease there that Kurt picks up on.  Blaine knows the guy -- like really knows the guy.  Kurt shifts from side to side not sure what to say or do.  He eyes the door, he can still slip out if he needs to.  

“Man, I cannot believe how little this place has changed since I used to come here,” Blaine says, taking a look around.  

“You mean when we were in high school?” Kurt asks.  He’d hardly say coming the three times that they did a lot.  

“No, it was actually after…” he trails off but Kurt picks up on what he’s saying.  After they broke up.  After he broke Blaine’s heart.  Blaine kind of skips past the beat.  Why dredge up all that old stuff.  That’s what the reunion is for, right? Something turns in the pit of Kurt’s stomach.  “When I moved back to Lima, I used to come here a lot.  Thought maybe throwing myself into this place might make me feel better.  Not so alone, you know?”

“Did it help?” Kurt’s voice is small.  

“Maybe,” Blaine says with another laugh.  “I don’t know, it was so long ago.  You know it…” he pauses, thinking it over.  “Alright, if I tell you something - do you promise not to run screaming?”

Kurt’s intrigued.  “Of course.”

Blaine stares intently at his bottle.  “After you and I ended things -- I came back to Lima.  And I sorta, kinda dated Dave Karofsky for a while.”

Of all the things that Blaine could have said -- that is the last thing Kurt expects to hear.  It makes Kurt chuckle into his drink.  He can’t even picture it, it’s such a wild thought.  “Wait, seriously?”

“Shocking, right?”

“A little.  More so that you were into a bear.”

The tension breaks as they let go into easy laughter.  The conversation becomes lighter as they begin to discuss old things.  They talk about Dave Karofsky, and how someone who had once been Kurt’s ghost had turned into a friend whom Kurt sees every few years for lunch.  Blaine mentions he had attended Dave’s wedding.  Kurt mentions he had lunch with Dave and his husband last year.  It’s strange how things can change so much in twenty years.  

They talk about Dalton -- though not about that staircase.  The staircase that will forever be burned in his memory for better or worse.  Instead, they talk about Sebastian Smythe with fondness, though neither could say where he ended up. And about the one time Blaine sang at the Gap to impress a guy whose name neither can remember.  

And for a moment, unprovoked, Blaine mentions his husband.  It’s a startling jolt into reality, but Blaine doesn’t give him any more than a name and a passing story about having to explain to his husband why he refuses to shop at The Gap.  It’s not like Kurt hadn’t heard Blaine had gotten married.  He doesn't remember who had told him or when or even how he had felt about it.  Blaine had wanted to be married.  He got his wish.  And Kurt is happy for him.  He wants to be happy for him.  Still, that missing ring…

As they reminisce, the bartender brings them more drinks.  The room begins to feel warm and familiar.  Kurt isn’t sure if it’s alcohol or Blaine that is making him feel so comfortable so far from home.  They talk about high school and old friends, people whom they’ve lost touch with and people they’re looking forward to seeing tomorrow.  Kurt learns that Blaine developed a surprisingly deep friendship with Santana Lopez.  Blaine learns that Kurt hasn’t talked to Rachel Berry since college.

“I just couldn’t after that show,” Kurt explains.  They’re both giggly from drinking too much - Kurt having to hold his hands up when the bartender offers him a third.  “I mean - not that she even tried to keep in touch with me.  But my god did you watch that thing? It was terrible! She was fine - she was always fine.  But who decided that would be what America wanted to see for a decade?”

Blaine snickers into his drink.  “Well, personally I was offended.  ‘Slaine’,” he uses both hands to make air quotes around the character’s names, “was written out after year two.  I was like ‘fuck that’.  It’s just as well.  Had he stayed on, I might have had to sue their asses for defamation of character.”

“You are not wrong,” Kurt says, unable to stop laughing as he thinks about it.  He puts a hand on Blaine’s shoulder to balance himself so as to not fall off his stool.  

Blaine notices and smirks.  “How drunk are you right now?”

“Less drunk than you are,” Kurt smiles into his glass.  He is buzzed but not at all drunk.  In fact, he feels good and relaxed and happy.  When had he last been this happy?  “Anyway… All I know is that a terrible writer wrote ‘Cert’ as the sassy yet sexless gay best friend.  And he stayed on the show.  The. Entire. Run.  If anyone has the right to sue, it’s going to be me.”  

“Well, for what it’s worth.  I don’t think Cert was anything like you,” Blaine says.  He leans in close.  Kurt can smell the sweet scent of raspberries.   “Personally, I thought you were always sexy.”

Something in the atmosphere shifts.  Suddenly, Blaine is close.  Close enough that he can see the depths of Blaine’s golden eyes.  There’s something there that Kurt hasn’t seen in a long time, and it causes him to break.  

He’s not sure what it is that makes him say it.  He’s not sure if it’s the heaviness of guilt, or the friendliness of Blaine’s demeanor, or the fact that all of this nostalgia is causing him to reflect on his life’s choices - but he can’t help but let the words stumble out.  “Blaine, I’m so sorry.”  

Blaine looks at him, genuinely confused.  “For what?

“For a lot of things, I feel like I owe you an apology for so many things,” Kurt rambles on.  “I was not in a good place and you… I shouldn’t have ended it.  I mean I shouldn’t have ended it the way that I did.  I shouldn’t have hurt you like that.  And I’m sorry that I did.”

Blaine takes a moment to think it over, as if he’s processing everything Kurt’s saying.  “Kurt…” he lets out a sigh. “You weren’t the only one who was a mess back then.  You don’t have anything to be sorry about.  We had a good thing.  We had a great thing, even.  But it’s fine.  It’s all in the past, and I’m fine.”  

Kurt feels a bit of relief wash over him.  Maybe this is why he needed to come back.  Maybe he had just needed to bury his demons.  He feels lighter than he has in, well, a while.  He reaches out for Blaine’s hand and squeezes it.  It feels comforting in his own.  

“Look at us now, all grown up,” Kurt says, a smile sliding across his face.  “I mean, you’re married and I’m…”

“Kurt?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s an open marriage.”

Blaine places his free hand just above Kurt’s knee and squeezes, ever so lightly, he holds it there, stroking his thumb along the side of his thigh.  It’s an invitation.  His cock gets there first, as he watches Blaine’s hand, firm and strong.  His brain becomes fuzzy, but all he can fixate on is the urge to have Blaine’s hand travel up.  This is closure, right?

“Come with me,” Kurt makes the quick decision not to second guess this.  He grabs onto Blaine’s hand with purpose, sliding off the stool and taking Blaine with him.  Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Blaine smirk as he throws out a few bills on the counter to pay for the drinks.  

***

They’re in the bathroom stall, where Kurt vaguely remembers making out once back at the end of his senior year.  They never would have done anything as daring as have sex in a public place, but just kissing, even in a place that accepted it, felt naughty and fun back then.  

Now, he couldn’t care less that there are people who might know what they’re doing.  His desire is too strong, his brain clouded in a haze of need to taste Blaine again; the wonder of if it will feel so good after so long.  The room is broken up into stalls, dimly lit, and smells as if they are the next in a long line of gay men who will use this place to relieve themselves in more ways than one.  Kurt pulls Blaine back to the farthest stall, ignoring that there’s another couple occupying another stall, the panting sounds of their fucking echoing in the room.  It only turns him on more.  

Once the stall door is locked, Blaine looks at Kurt, his large, dark eyes more sure than Kurt is about this.  It almost throws him off kilter but Kurt looks to Blaine’s mouth, and suddenly he remembers all the things that can be done with it.  His resolve broken, Kurt lunges for a kiss.  

Blaine kisses back with force, pushing Kurt back into the wall.  Kurt doesn’t even care that the metal bar for handicap use is pressing against the back of his thighs.  He just wants to feel Blaine.  They kiss deeply, wantonly.  His sense memory returns and suddenly he feels like a teenager again, hungry for Blaine back when he had been first discovering what sex is.  Kurt moans into the kiss that encourages Blaine to slide his tongue against Kurt’s.  

They’re all hands and mouths, wrapping themselves around each other as they make-out.  Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine’s neck, combing his fingers through Blaine’s curls as he pulls Blaine closer to him, enough so that their bodies are sliding against each other.  Blaine brings his hands down to Kurt’s ass and squeezes with both hands.  Fuck.  He doesn’t remember the last time he’s gotten so hard so fast.  

They begin to rock against each other as they kiss.  Kurt can feel Blaine’s hard cock pushing up against his own.  If they keep going at this speed, he is not going to last long, and dammit, he refuses to come in his pants.  

Kurt breaks the kiss, only for Blaine to start kissing along his jaw and down his neck, Blaine’s touch is electric, and Kurt can’t help but feel dizzy with pleasure.  He loses himself in Blaine’s embrace, soaking up the feeling as much as he can.  It’s been fifteen years since they’ve fucked - how can this possibly feel so good?  

Blaine works his way back up to Kurt’s mouth, though this time, Kurt is able to slow it down.  Kurt busies his hands with the buttons on Blaine’s pants.  Blaine takes a slight step back, allowing for Kurt to pull him out.  Kurt takes a quick second to look down at Blaine’s cock; his thick and delicious cock.  If only they weren’t in a bathroom stall right now, Kurt would take his time devouring that cock.  Instead, he takes to stroking it, becoming satisfied with the low moans and grunts that are eliciting Blaine’s mouth.  

Blaine steadies himself against the wall, as he begins to pump his hips in time with Kurt’s strokes, fucking himself into Kurt’s hand.  “Let me,” Kurt says, in a low whisper, biting gently at Blaine’s lips before they fall into a sloppy kiss.  Blaine is close - he knows Blaine is close, he can feel it as Blaine arches further into his hand.  Kurt speeds up his hand, deliberate in his strokes.  It’s a little rough, but Blaine becomes more and more undone, uttering little obscenities as he closes eyes and allows himself the pleasure.  Blaine comes, jolting into Kurt’s hand, and lets out a moan that Kurt covers with a kiss.  

“Give me a second,” Blaine says, breathlessly, holding firmly against the wall as he comes down.  

Kurt smirks, licking the come off his fingers.  His own cock is throbbing with need but there’s something incredibly satisfying seeing Blaine loose and fucked out.  

Blaine takes a second to put himself back in his pants and then goes down on his knees.  This isn’t at all what Kurt had been expecting, and his eyes go wide as Blaine sucks a kiss over Kurt’s clothed cock.  

“You really don’t have to do that,” Kurt says, feeling a little guilty.  Blaine’s legs are sticking out of the stall door and anyone could interrupt them.  

“Shut up and let me blow you, Kurt,” Blaine says, a wicked grin on his face as he unzips Kurt’s zipper.  Kurt’s cock bobs free, and like a man allowed to drink water after years in the desert, Blaine sucks Kurt all the way down in one go.  

“Jesus, fuck Blaine.”  He really doesn’t care if there’s anyone else in there who can hear them.  Blaine had always been good at blow jobs; always so eager to give them, and Kurt’s glad to know that Blaine’s enthusiasm hasn’t changed.  Blaine sucks him down, greedily, and he loses himself in the sensation of Blaine’s velvety mouth on him.  

“I’m curious about something,” Blaine says, pulling off.  Kurt can’t imagine what, but he doesn’t have to wait long to find out.  Blaine begins to stroke him, slowly, drawing it out.  Then sucks a kiss to the tip of Kurt’s cock, using his tongue to swirl and tease it, before he sucks him down once more.  Kurt lets out a heavy groan as his knees nearly buckle.  “Huh. So that really still does things for you?”

Kurt can’t help but give a little laugh.  “Shut up and finish me off, Blaine,” Kurt manages the tease despite him now being desperate to come.  

Amused, Blaine obliges, sucking Kurt into his mouth again. Kurt closes his eyes, taking it all in as he lets Blaine take him over the edge.   He spills into Blaine’s mouth, Blaine being able to swallow with ease -- something, he notes, Blaine hadn’t been able to do before.  As Blaine pulls off, he licks his lips, and remains on his knees for a long moment.  

The atmosphere then shifts suddenly.  Blaine looks down for a long while, and Kurt can’t tell what Blaine’s feeling -- Guilt? Sadness? Regret?

“Thank you for that,” Blaine says, his sincerity layered with something that feels like finality.  Blaine gives Kurt’s hip a kiss before helping put Kurt back into his jeans.  There’s something strangely intimate about it, and despite the fact that Kurt is feeling blissed out from his orgasm it’s now tinged with a heavier, unknown feeling.  Blaine gets to his feet.  There’s a lot going on behind his eyes that Kurt can’t read, but Blaine says nothing, only gives Kurt a soft kiss on the lips.  “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”  

Blaine leaves the stall but Kurt stays, unsure what to make of everything that happened.  A lot just happened.  A lot.  And as the buzz of sex begins to wear off, a sickening gnawing grows in his stomach.  He just had sex with his ex-fiancé whom he hasn’t seen in years.  He just cheated on his boyfriend.  But what makes Kurt feel the worst, as he slides down the wall to sit on the sticky floor because his legs can no longer hold him, is the realization that for Blaine - that might have been his way of saying goodbye.  

[sleepykittypaws]

Labor Day Movie Favorites

For most, Labor Day is a long weekend that closes out summer with final beach trips and BBQs, but the Grover Cleveland-enacted Federal holiday was designed as a celebration of the American worker, following a period of both (slow but steady) progress on worker’s rights, and serious strife to get there. 

So, once you finish grilling and hanging by the pool, if you want to get a taste of the true meaning of the holiday, here are my favorite Labor Day appropriate movies.

9-5 (1980) - Not only a childhood favorite, thanks to frequent cable airings, this movie was Dolly Parton's big screen debut. The story of three secretaries—the other two played by Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin—who take their boss hostage and improve their workplace in the process, not only holds up, it's still sadly relevant four decades later.

Norma Rae (1979) - The quinessential movie about unionizing. Sally Field won a well-deserved Oscar for her performance as a cog in the wheel of a dirty cotton mill. It's harrowing, poignant, absolutely entertaining, and 100% would never get made today as a big-budget theatrical release.

Working Girl (1988) - Melanie Griffith as a secretary who gets exploited by her boss, is a you-go-girl sort of classic that, once again, holds up all too well, showing how little things have changed at the top, despite decades of supposed progress.

Silkwood (1983) - This based-on-a-true-story account of a worker trying to fight a corrupt system in a plutonium plant is part true crime, part labor horror story, and stars Meryl Strep, Kurt Russell and Cher. What more could you want?

Roger & Me (1989) - Yes, he is now insufferable and problematic, but this first funny, poignant and powerful Michael Moore documentary about the fate of his hometown of Flint, Michigan is a love letter to how union labor built middle-class America.

Support the Girls (2018) - Regina Hall turns in a brauvura performance as a shift manager at a Hooters-esque restaurant, just trying to take care of her staff, in and out of the restaurant .

Pride (2014) - Yes, this is also on my Perfect for Pride list, but this great UK dramedy about the early ‘80s London LGBTQ community coming together to support the 1984 miners strike in Britain is fantastic, and worth watching any time of year.

Hidden Figures (2016) - This slice of history focuses on the brains behind some of America's most celebrated accomplishments. NASA's unsung math heroes were almost all Black women, working in a world that denied their intellect, while at the same time exploiting it. A fantastic cast telling a great story, especially if you ignore the White Savior elements.

Collective (2019) - A documentary that plays like a thriller, this Romanian story of government fraud and coverup is a masterpiece.

Made in Dagenham (2010) - This generally underrated gem stars Sally Hawkins as an auto plant worker in the UK, who protests Ford’s treatment of female employees.

Erin Brockovich (2000) - The movie that won Julia Roberts her Oscar has been mocked for its specific ticks and Brockovich's over-the-top persona, but this real-life story of corporate malfeasance and uncaring is suitably harrowing.

Harlan County, USA (1976) - Speaking of harrowing, this documentary profiling a violent, year-long Kentucky mine strike is edge-of-your-seat tense and definitely holds up.

North Country (2005) - Charlize Theron stars in another based-on-a-true-story tale as Lois Jenson, whose lawsuit against the parent company of her local iron mine helped usher in modern statutes against sexual harassment.

Dirty Dancing (1987) - Is this a stretch? Maybe. But if you're looking for a great class divide movie about how “the help” are treated as disposable, Dirty Dancing definitely qualifies.

American Factory (2019) - A more modern take on labor relations, this story of a Chinese company that brings business to the U.S. is a fascinating look at class and culture conflict.

How Green Was My Valley (1941) - This Hays Code-era look at a coal mining strike was directed by John Ford and won the Best Picture Oscar.

The Pajama Game (1957) - What, you didn't remember that Doris Day's job in this jaunty musical was as a Union steward?

Matewan (1987) - Another movie based on a real coal mining strike, this one pits scabs, led by James Earl Jones, against striking West Virginia miners. The racial issues at play probably aren't highlighted enough, but this one is still well done, with some fantastic performances.

The Molly Maguires (1970) - Sean Connery and Richard Harris star in this harrowing coal mining tale, that illustrates the brutal tactics management went to, to keep workers from unionizing.

Horrible Bosses (2011) - Better than it probably should be thanks to great performances from Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston and Jason Sudeikis, this strangers-on-a-train-style, dark comedy about doing away with some epicly bad bosses is entertaining.

Office Space (1999) - A comedy about white collar workplaces that holds up surprisingly well.

Gung Ho (1986) - This ‘80s Michael Keaton-Ron Howard comedy holds up less well as a movie, but is a solid time capsule of exactly where American workers were in the Reagan era, both in terms of labor relations and general economic Xenophobia.

Salt of the Earth (1954) - Another mining movie, this time zinc, with a strong female perspective that is rare, particulary in the time this one was made.

Blue Collar (1978) - Richard Pryor plays it straight in this story of union excess and petty corruption co-starring Harvey Keitel.

Newsies! (1992) - Yep. This musical starring a teenage Christian Bale is absolutely about child labor practices and how collective action, and a couple jazzy musical numbers, can change your fate.

BONUS: What NOT to Watch this Labor Day, or Ever…

Labor Day (2013) - I can only imagine Jason Reitman had blackmail material on Kate Winslet to get her to star in this absolutely awful "romance" between a kidnapper and his victim. Run, don't walk, away from this one, which is not even so bad it’s good. It’s just bad.