#kyle broflovski headcanons

[nwjn-z]

ꕥ﹐ KYLE BROFLOVSKI．﹗﹑

₊ ⊹ ⪩⪨ ┆What it is like dating Kyle Broflovski headcanons.

warning(s): nsfw, swearing

author’s note: kyle girl till the day i DIE

⎯⎯⎯ ☆

SFW☆

-Kyle is the type of boyfriend that is in love with you and only you this man is so love sick

-Kyle tends to take a more dominant role in the relationship, not necessarily in a sexual way but just in general

-Like he ties your shoelaces for you, grabs things for you that you can’t reach, carries your bag at school for you, follows the sidewalk rule (having him walk next to the road instead of you), and helping you with school work

-he’s also always tidying you up through out the day like wiping your mouth, fixing your hair, and fixing your shirts for you.

-i also feel like he also uses this as an excuse to touch you like he’ll pat the back of your bottoms as if he was dusting something off just to touch your ass

-Kyle is also very possessive and gets VERY jealous

-if he sees you on your phone he’s the type to be like “who are we texting😊”

-he has lots of insecurities that make him think you’re gonna leave him for someone “better”

-he just doesn’t want to lose you :((

-His love languages are acts of service and quality time but he also loves physical touch

-he loves holding your hand, kissing your knuckles, stroking your hair, cuddling in private, and stroking your side while he holds your waist.

-He spoils you absolutely rotten he can’t help it, Kyle is the type of person who shows you he loves you by taking care of you in anyway he can

-ie. buying you whatever snacks you want, giving you massages, cooking for you, driving you wherever you want, and just basically never letting you lift a finger to do anything

-never lets you open any door yourself

-you are passenger princess/prince ALWAYS

-he would literally make all his friends sit in the back if you’re going out with them. always makes sure his baby sits shotgun

NSFW☆

-Kyle is pretty vanilla and doesn’t really have any kinks all he really wants to do is please you

-although…he is a family man at heart and has a HORRIBLE breeding kink, constantly whispering in your ear about how “you’ll make such a good mom” and how “you’re gonna look so pretty pregnant”

-Kyle is also a very making love kind of person, he needs to have feelings before he fucks

-he’s such a giving lover he always puts you first

-on a normal day = sweet and soft sex, when he’s mad or stressed = rough sex

-his favourite positions are missionary and doggystyle

-missionary because he loves being able to see the cute faces you make while he bullies his fat cock into you while holding you like glass <3

-and doggy for when he’s angry or stressed and needs to let off steam by fucking you senseless

-Kyle can get rough in bed and I’m talking ROUGH, like leaving bruises

-hes a pretty strong guy who doesn’t realise his own strength

-LOVES receiving head, it feels so good and you look so cute trying to please him

-imagine Kyle grabbing a fistful of your hair guiding you down his length while saying things like “Fuck yeah baby just like that” and “Making me feel so good baby”

-just seeing you look up at him with the cutest doe eyes through your lashes gets him weak

-he feels so big and important when you go down on him he loves it sm 🫶

[thevestigeofvanillaan]

OKAYYY whenever you write kyle and he’s like covering readers mouth and trying to keep her quiet so his parents don’t hear oh my god? it makes me feel things??? fuckin on the floor so there’s less noise EEEE (not sure what that says about me…) but can we get a kyle oneshot/hcs/ANYTHING based on that🫶 i love your work sm

aw thank youu :)❤

Kyle Broflovski "Be Quiet" Headcanons.

"nah the bed springs will wake the kids up" before you even know what's happening. then you find yourself on the floor in front of the mirror as your husband just ruthlessly fucks into you from behind.

he's so dirty. going to your childhood home to say hello to your parents and he drags you up to your old bedroom to "bring back old memories from when we fucked for the first time"

even when you guys were younger. when he was on the basketball team senior year and after the games he'd sneak you into the boys locker room so he could get a piece of that ass that looks oh so good in that cheerleading skirt.

"mama" he'd text you while at dinner with your friends. "what?" "meet me in the bathroom in 2" and two minutes later he's fucking you on the sink with his hand over your mouth so nobody can hear. which the texting thing was almost useless when you went back to the table looking wreck and stan says "soo.." with a smirk.

[mouschiwrites]

South Park - Main 4 When You Fall Asleep Around Them

First post!! aa I'm nervous >-<

Kyle

You were studying together

Well, you were supposed to be studying together

Kyle was engrossed in a math problem. His eyes darted back and forth from the calculator to the paper; to him, nothing else existed in that moment

"Okay, what did you get for number..."

The words died in his throat when he noticed that you were asleep

He just kinda stared for a minute, blinking

You were hunched over, head resting atop your hands on the table

For a second he considered waking you up, but you looked too peaceful

He watched as your back slowly rose and fell with each breath, and found that it brought him peace too

A small smile graced his lips as he chose to get back to work

He tried to be as quiet as possible while he worked, cursing the clicky buttons on his calculator

He frequently stole glances at you as he went

He was finally compelled to wake you up when a drop of drool threatened to fall onto your homework under you

He had a good laugh at your startled reaction

dw, he made up for it by helping you finish your homework :)

Kenny

You were both laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling and taking turns ranting about whatever came to mind

Kenny had finished just finished his turn ranting

The longer the silence continued, the more concerned he got

He glanced over at you, surprised to find you asleep

“Geez, was I really that boring?”

He had said it loud enough that he hoped you would wake up, but you continued to snooze

He watched you for a minute, hoping for any sign that you were going to wake up

He wanted to keep talking with you!!

But he also didn’t want to disturb your sleep

So he went back to staring at the ceiling, lamenting the loss of company (conscious company, that is)

Eventually he started ranting again, but quietly

Just to fill the silence

When you woke up, you assumed you had only been out for a few minutes, since Kenny was still talking

You sputtered when you noticed it had been over an hour

The noise caught Kenny’s attention

“You’re awake! :D Sleep well?”

Stan

You were on the bus, sitting in the window seat with Stan next to you

You hadn’t said anything since getting on, so Stan tried to strike up some conversation

“Did you see that bug Cartman found in the cafeteria today? It was huge!”

He grinned at you as he said it, but his smile faltered as you remained turned away

He leaned forward a little, trying to see your face

He froze when he saw that you were asleep

Bro lowkey panicked: weren’t you uncomfortable with your head against the window? What if he accidentally woke you up?

Well, he had a solution to one of those concerns

He pulled out a spare beanie from his backpack and carefully placed it between your head and the window

He was still super nervous though

He kept his eyes locked on you, waiting for the slightest sign that you were about to wake up and praying that you’d just stay asleep

Cartman and Kyle tried to tease him, but he shushed them aggressively

When your stop finally came, he just about threw up as he gently shook your arm

He really wanted to let you sleep, but also knew that you wouldn’t want to miss your stop

He could hardly speak from being so nauseous, so when you finally roused he just pointed to the front of the bus

Thankfully he did not end up throwing up

Cartman

You were over at Cartman’s, watching a movie

“This movie sucks.”

He awaited your response: he was used to you either agreeing with his commentary or starting an argument over it

But when nothing came, he elbowed you

Well, he tried, but you had slumped over against the arm of the couch, so you were out of reach

He saw an opportunity and took it

Took a kajillion pictures and videos, most of him poking you or making you do stupid poses/faces, but some just of you being peaceful

All for “blackmail material,” of course

Totally not because you looked sweet when you slept

Eventually he got bored of messing with you

He could have gone back to watching the movie, but he needed someone to make fun of it with him

So he kicked you 💀

You woke up with a start, shooting a glare at a cackling Cartman as you rubbed your shin where he kicked you

Your glare then shifted to the TV

“This movie sucks.”

“That’s what I said!”

Thank you for reading!!

(divider by saradika)

[noirvette]

main 3 + butters! seeing reader in lingerie for the first time!!

first time doing headcanons and a scenario 😋 also i apologize in advance if this is bad, i've written nsfw only ONCE before and hated it so much that i never finished it BAHAHA

cws: nsfw, but nothing too explicit Aged up characters! (College au, early 20s)

♡ STAN MARSH

Thinks he died and went to heaven for a second in all honesty. Like he could not believe you standing in front of him wearing lingerie.

He saw you with it on and had to process what he was seeing, definitely stuttering as he finds the words to say

He's rocking with it though, 100%. Has always had a small thing for lingerie but didn't exactly know how to bring it up so he just never said anything lol

Stan seems to me as a more of a red satin kind of guy, simple sets work for him

Doesn't want to tear it or anything, when taking it off of you he's rather careful, more so into savoring the moment of seeing you in lingerie (and eventually you out of it).

Whether its false bravado or not, he gets over his initial shock rather quickly

"You okay? Babe?" Stan calls out, sitting on the side of your bed tapping his fingers against the frame.

"Yeah sorry, coming out now," You respond, walking out of the bathroom, covered in a simple red satin lingerie set, "you like?"

"Holy shi-, wow you look good. Damn." Stan stutters out, taking you and your outfit in, "you, uh, you didn't have to do this you know. I'm- I'm, not saying you look bad, holy shit you look so good-"

"I know I didn't have to," You giggle, a blush covering your face, walking closer to him before sitting on his lap, "but I wanted this to be special, you know for our first time. I wanted to look good for you."

Stan licks his lips, reaching to kiss and bite at your neck as his hands grip your sides before they slowly make a descent down to your hips. "Well, you always look good, doesn't matter what you got on." His fingers tug at the waistband of the underwear, "but fuck, this is so hot."

♡ KYLE BROFLOVSKI

Doesn't know what to do and he doesn't know what to say either

Definitely whines/quietly whimpers at seeing you in lingerie though

He'd be a fan of dark green lace or floral sets

Another one to be careful with taking it off of you, but its because he's so nervous

Finds the concept of lingerie initially dorky until he sees you in it and now he understands the appeal.

He is so cute bro, he has the biggest blush covering his face and he stutters and he can't make eye contact (kicking my feet and giggling as I write this about him rn), definitely repeats words and phrases as his brain is trying to think of what to say next

Kyle covers his mouth, embarrassed at the whimper that leaves him as you lift up your shirt, revealing the dark green lingerie underneath. You feel him getting even harder underneath you and you slowly roll your hips against his. Kyle quickly grabs onto your hips hard and shakily moans, hands gripping you firmly.

"Baby, baby, baby.." Kyle whines out as he stares at how well the dark green compliments your body. "Mhmm," you hum, "what is it?"

"You look so good, so good.." He looks so dazed as his eyes constantly dart over your body. Kyle is absolutely smitten with the way the lingerie sits on you.

"You like it huh?" You whisper as your bring your hand to his face, cupping his cheek. He nervously swallows and turns his head to press a kiss into your hand, before gently biting a finger while looking up at you.

Turning his head back to face you, he whimpers out a "god yes," as his hips buck up up into you, drawing a small moan out of you, "so so much."

♡ KENNY MCCORMICK

There is one singular phrase going through his head when he sees what you got on and it's "fuck me"

He's so unbelievably hard in like 2 seconds that it's alarming

He's a fan of sheer brighter colors and garters, but really any lingerie set looks good and he's really fine with anything you're putting on.

He'll rip the fabric off of you, he doesn't really care if you make a noise of complaint, he's too invested in getting him in you and making you feel good.

He'll make it up to you later by managing to get you another set later. (That he rips off you anyhow, it's a never ending cycle)

Would love to receive pictures of you in various lingerie sets. So after this whole thing of surprising him by wearing it for the first time, he'll want pictures of you from now on.

"Fuck y/n," Kenny groans, bucking himself against you, "you look so pretty. My pretty baby." His hands wander over your body, feeling the thin material and your skin causing him to become impatient.

Kenny leans forward to suck at your neck, causing you to let out small moans. "I need, need, this off of you. Now." Before you're able to say anything, he tugs at the top half a bit too roughly, ripping the thin material into halves.

"Kenny!" You exclaim, shock and annoyance evident in your tone.

Kenny stops briefly and he lets out a small laugh before kissing you, "I'm sorry hun, can't wait. Need you now. Gotta make you feel good."

You huff, "This was a bit pricey, Ken. How are you gonna make this one up?"

He snorts, before flipping you over and situating you so his face is pressed between your thighs, "Oh I'll make it up to you baby, and then some, promise."

♡ BUTTERS STOTCH

Another blushy and nervous wreck to see you in lingerie.

I feel he'd LOVE white sets, design doesn't matter, but there's something about wearing white in his eyes that just.. gets him going yk?

He definitely has a battle with himself on where to place his hands. Do you want them on your waist, hips, do you want to hold hands? What if he rips the fabric?

Stutters out compliments. Compliments you the whole time actually, his eyes nervously watch your every movement

He loves if you brush your body still clad with the lingerie against his bare skin. The feeling of technical skin contact but thin material between you two has got him in a chokehold for some reason

Calls you his angel because of the white lingerie and how beautiful/ethereal you look to him right now

Butters believes this is how he dies, underneath you, clad in a sheer white lingerie set. You slowly drag your fingers against his skin and he finds himself without a single complaint as to how he would be dying. He finds himself without many thoughts actually and the ones he does have are just about you.

"Oh god angel," Butters shudders, his brain turning into mush at the feeling of your body against his. His hands hovering just above your thighs, as he nervously thumbs at the material draped over them.

You giggle at his behavior, "you can touch me, you know?"

"O-oh, I know honey, but, you.. you just look so gosh darn gorgeous and..." he trails off, adams apple bobbing as your drag your hands along his waist. "..and what, Butters..?" You whisper against his ear.

His hands grip your thighs and bites his lip. "I want you.. please honey, my angel." He shifts underneath you, hoping you catch the hint and quit teasing him.

[amarthine]

ꪒꪒ synopsis. cuddling w the main four — how they cuddle !

disclaimers. pure fluff, brief mention reader being referred to as “doll”,

notes. motivation is backk : ]

eric cartman.

really comfy cuddler !

hes pretty warm, and when cuddling he clings onto you like a stuffed animal, though his grip on you is pretty light, enough to move around and or leave.

whenever you ask he pretends like he hates it, and its suchhh a big inconvenience to him, but he really likes laying with you, gives him a sense of comfort that you’ll never leave him.

eventually he gets used to the occasional cuddles, ends up actually admitting he likes it, if anything he expects it now.

everytime you sleep over or vice versa you will almost always wake up in his arms, whether you were sleeping on the other side of the bed, or fell asleep on the couch.

actually mutters out “love you”s beside you when cuddling, he becomes a lot more mushy, in his words when he cuddles.

after a short cudding nap, he kicks you out of his bed.

kyle broflovski.

lovesloves cuddling with you, hes the first one who initiated it, and he made sure everything was perfect.

hes usually pretty cold, so he relies on blankets or your warmth to keep himself warm.

lets you play with his hair while you fall asleep, it also helps him fall asleep, the feeling of your hands running through his hair just makes him feel comforted.

holds your hands the entire time, hes very physical during cuddles, his thumb is rubbing against your knuckles, hes pressing kisses against your neck, all of the above.

super lovey dovey when it comes to you, hes just happy to lay with you and feel your body against his own.

after those naps he usually just lays and stares at you for a bit with an adoring smile, before stopping because he felt like a weirdo for that.

nowadays, if hes in public with you and wants to cuddle, he just keeps you with an arm around and leans his head against you. If anything hes either romantic or a bit nonchalant about it.

kenny mccormick.

he wears a parka a majority of the time, so expect to be met with a warm embrace everytime you two cuddle, as well as the smell of weed and cologne mixed.

teases you the first time because to him he just loves to hold you im his arms while your flushed.

“You must’ve been dreaming of this moment, huh? Can’t blame ya.”

but truthfully, hes the one who’s been dreaming of this moment, and besides all the teasing, hes really gentle whilst cuddling you, loves just to lay there in silence with you.

carries you into the bed when you cuddle, and carries you out of the bed, he might be lean but he’s grown to be a bit buff.

says your his doll, especially says that when he carries you.

gives the best hugs and cuddles. :)

stan marsh.

most definitely has a playlist of songs while you cuddle, just thinks it makes the thing 10x better in his opinion. you two share the playlist so you both just add whatever music you think would be good.

its not intentional cuddling either, you two are usually on your phones a majority of the time, and then fall asleep.

but that does not mean hes not paying attention, he feels your presence is enough, but if you wanna talk or just nap he’s totally fine with that !

he likes to be held, gives him a big sense of comfort, especially since its you, but also doesn’t mind holding you. Hes kind of a nonchalant guy, so as long as its comfortable for both parties, he doesn’t care.

has a big bedd

tons of blankets too, not sure why—he doesn’t even use all of them, but he hides them in his closet when you come over so he can have an excuse for you to lay in his blanket with him.

a bad habit of his though is hogging the blanket, you could be sleeping and suddenly feel the blanket being snatched, he also drools, but thats not as often.

[missuswalker]

Kyle dating hc's pleaaaaase 🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️

meow meow meow 🤭🤭

relationship headcannons || kyle broflovski x fem reader

✮ summary: kyle as your boyfreind ✮ warnings: i was gonna do what i did for the clyde one but changed my mind, so nsfw content, reminder that characters are aged up (i'm too much of a kyle girl to pass up the oppurtunity)

sfw

before ya'll started dating he did your homework for you as a rizz tactic

he thought it would make you want him

turns out you wanted him even before he started doing your homework, so he starts making you do it yourself

but kyle would do anything for you, so if you ask him with that pretty face of yours, he'll do it anyways

ya'll had a long "are we dating are we not phase"

he's been screwed over so many times that he wanted to make sure you were the one

you definitely were

after much convincing from stan and a couple hundred "no balls, you wont"s from cartman, kyle finally asks to be his gee-eff (girlfriend)

over text in your instagram dms

LOOK, HE WAS TOO NERVOUS TO DO IT IN PERSON

he did it very romantically though

loooooooong paragraph about how much he likes you and wants you to be all his

ends it with "And I know you piss me off sometimes, but I think I could really make us work."

as SOON as you say yes

"Come over. You have my address."

anyways, moving on, he acts like he thinks pet names are cringe, but he can't help but call you that goody goody shit like "angel"

do you hear purring? sorry

anyways, he spoils you to death, like what was in my love language hcs

"oh wow that's so cute" "what color do you want it in" "kyle 😟"

loooves when you wear his boxer shorts around his house, he thinks he's THE man when you do

his mom likes to talk to him about embarrassing things in front of you to mess with him

"hi boobala, your spiderman underwear is fresh out of the dryer 🥰" "ma, that's ikes, get out 😡😡😡😨😰"

when you guys cuddle, he puts his hand up your shirt and rubs your back

he has cold ass hands though

kisses the top of your head all the time

he's like 6'2 so if you're shorter than him he's all like "aww elf 😻😻" when in reality he's just tall

nsfw

WOOF WOOF WOOF AWOOOOO

damn

first time he was suuuuuper sweet and gentle

after that he puts his temper into it

its like theres an earth quake from the bed rocking

ike ain't a snitch though 🤐

he is rough, hoowee

grunts, huffs, groans

all the good shit

probably says some good girl shit at some point

if he's actually upset, he rather you take control

lets you do whatever you want and whimpers

he whines yall

but if cartman pissed him off, its not the same

has you in doggy style and goes WILD

he don't care if you're screaming

yeah he does, when he's finished he STRESSES about sheila

"dude, you were fucking rabid, i'm so fucked 😰😰"

sheila side eyes him at breakfast but doesn't say anything

makes gerald give him the talk

gerald makes randy give him the talk

randy informs him of new positions

someone on wattpad said "jew in the streets, freak in the sheets"

[julysn]

random kyle headcanons

(these r my hcs + only one is nsfw)

ship: kyle broflovski x reader

general warnings: hi

other notes: this is such a mess

a/n: this is me using the hours of sp i binged during the summer to good use

FOR SOME FUCKING REASON I THREW IN UNWIND AU. AND GENSHIN AU SOMEONE HELP ME.. Me when i combine all of my fixations.

anyways if ur curious about those.. check their wikis

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ high school hcs ✶ 𓏲ּ ꩜ .ᐟ

✶ ࣪˖࿐ he's the kid thats super smart and kinda quiet and no one wants to mess w him except cartman. sosososo helpful and kids are always asking him for help on assignments

✶ ࣪˖࿐ GOOD FIGHTER.

✶ ࣪˖࿐ his idea of rizz is helping his crush with picking up their books and helping them out with homework

✶ ࣪˖࿐ all the teachers adore him so he can get away with skipping class and using his phone whenever he feels like it. it’s actually kinda rare to see him on his phone in class or skipping but it’s mostly bc of the boys 🤷‍♂️

✶ ࣪˖࿐ basketball team captain + he’s one of the best players in the school.

✶ ࣪˖࿐ one time cartman made fun of kyle and said "tolkien shouldve been captain bc hes black and ur just a stupid jew" during basketball practice and kyle "accidentally" shot a ball at his face. he didn’t get in trouble bc the teachers were like “oh cartmans prob lying” LMAOO

✶ ࣪˖࿐ he would buy u girl scout cookies,. he would only buy ur favorites and make stan and kenny sneak them into ur backpack during passing period.

✶ ࣪˖࿐ when he has a crush on u.. you will somehow be brought up in conversations w his friends. whenever he’s changing in the boys locker room he always finds a way to mention you to stan and kenny. meanwhile cartmans like “who cares” but kyle will talk about u a LOt!

✶ ࣪˖࿐ when u got assigned to sit next to him, he’s always helping you out (bf material) (i love him)

✶ ࣪˖࿐ passes notes to u to make sure u understand the subject. they read like “hey, you understand what to do, right?” or “you know what we’re learning about, right?”

✶ ࣪˖࿐ 100% mews during class. thats why hes so quiet. he doesn’t put his hand up for questions bc hes mewing!

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ ur husband + baby daddy hcs ✶ 𓏲ּ ꩜ .ᐟ

sorry amab fans.. HERES A UTERUS (and tits) LMAO

✶ ࣪˖࿐ whenever the baby wakes u up in the middle of the night hes like "no. GO BACK TO SLEEp" and goes to comfort the baby for twenty minutes while u drift off

✶ ࣪˖࿐ HES SUCH A GOOD DAD UGH

✶ ࣪˖࿐ sometimes he wants more kids bc of how sweet u are. like he’ll see you playing with the kids and his mind will wander off to how it’d be if you were pregnant again

✶ ࣪˖࿐ you were insecure about your breasts getting bigger and heavier and he reassured u and said he would love u no matter what (even if u were a worm aahhaahhha..)

✶ ࣪˖࿐ “sweetheart do you want me to pick up the kids from school? i’ll buy us food”

✶ ࣪˖࿐ SO DAMN SWEET

✶ ࣪˖࿐ ur kids are now 12 and 13 years old. and one day kyle got kenny to babysit them. lets just say when u came home they were saying not very pg things LMAOO

✶ ࣪˖࿐ whenever he helps the kids with their homework he pulls out his reading glasses and they’re low on his nose and you find it SO cute.

✶ ࣪˖࿐ he wakes up before u because his shift starts earlier, and whenever u wake up there’s always a hot shot of espresso waiting for u

✶ ࣪˖࿐ typa dad to be chill and lenient but whenever hes mad at the kids… dear lord !

✶ ࣪˖࿐ whenever ur stressed from the kids or work, he always prepares a relaxing and hot bath for you. and he goes all out. dimmed lights, lit candles, rose petals everywhere, a perfect bubble bath with your favorite scents. you can tell he’s obsessed + in love and hes not afraid to show it

✶ ࣪˖࿐ affectionate and sweet. he will do anything for u. he cooks dinner for u. he makes coffee in the morning for u. he takes the kids out so u can have a break. you’re his one and only

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ genshin au hcs ✶ 𓏲ּ ꩜ .ᐟ

✶ ࣪˖࿐ either dendro or geo vision. i dunno

✶ ࣪˖࿐ polearm or sword user 😜

✶ ࣪˖࿐ I FEEL LIKE HE WOULD BE FROM FONTAINE OR SNEZHNAYA IDK THO

✶ ࣪˖࿐ would either hate the fatui or b one of the harbingers

✶ ࣪˖࿐ are we seeing the vision guys

✶ ࣪˖࿐ got put into the slammer/fortress of meropide and didn't know how to use credit coupons so he accidentally gave all of them to someone (and was really mad after he found out what credit coupons were)

✶ ࣪˖࿐ you’re a receptionist at the fortress. and when u first met kyle he tried flirting w u (his rizz was absolutely horrible AT THE Start) and u were like “stop. stop holding up the line mr. broflovski” and he said “of course not, mrs broflovski” and shot u a cheeky wink (hes using his redhead jewish rizz)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ unwind au hcs ✶ 𓏲ּ ꩜ .ᐟ

this is a mess. i'm sorry.

✶ ࣪˖࿐ he 100% tried to pull the akron awol/connor lassiter shooting a juvey-cop with his own tranq gun move. (it probably worked)

✶ ࣪˖࿐ omg. scenario where you guys find out u both are getting unwound so u both kick awol and go to a safe house and he acts slightly possessive and jealous of u because he doesn’t wanna lose u 💘💘

✶ ࣪˖࿐ he would ABSOLUTELY hate hayden when they first meet. but they would be friends later on. this is canon bc i said so and i am always 100% true (not clickbait)

✶ ࣪˖࿐ you guys def met at the graveyard and he was head over heels for u. like head flew away from yo heels. he saw u in the crowd when the admiral was giving his speech and kyle went BRIGHT RED

✶ ࣪˖࿐ the both of u are at the graveyard. and ur a medic. and kyle purposely gets bruises or tiny, practically painless cuts so he can visit and be like "hi y/n 😓😣 can u take care of me it hurts" BOY ITS JUST A LITTLE CUT! but u care about him so u do it anyway. he’s always blushing a little whenever you take care of him and u always shoot him glares which he finds to be super endearing

✶ ࣪˖࿐ les by childish gambino plays in ur head as the two of u meet in a harvest camp bathroom and he says "i love u." and then kisses u deeply. and then he says "if we get unwound i hope our parts end up on the same body" and u shed a tear

✶ ࣪˖࿐ THIS IS SORTA ANGSTY. OKAY. kyle gets unwound and while the procedure is happening all he can think about is u. like he’s sad he didn’t get to confess to you before they took him away and he wishes he told u how much u mean to him before he was dragged away to a harvest camp

✶ ࣪˖࿐ nsfw: when y’all were at the graveyard, u guys had sex in one of the jets while it was empty. best decision of ur life

✶ ࣪˖࿐ OMG TITHE KYLE. TITHE KYLE. HES A TITHE hear me out guys hear me out,..

✶ ࣪˖࿐ he would be the #1 radio free hayden fan (canon) (real) (i said so) (guys its real)

✶ ࣪˖࿐ him stan and kenny escaped a harvest camp and beat up the guards that chased them and they became literal legends

✶ ࣪˖࿐ harvest camp. and every time he sees u he gives u a kiss on the cheek when the staff aren’t looking.

✶ ࣪˖࿐ he wants to be affectionate w u SO BAD whenever u guys are at a harvest camp he can’t stop sneaking glances at you. and whenever he hears ur name get mentioned he immediately starts eavesdropping

✶ ࣪˖࿐ OMG OLAY I GOT ONE you guys met in sonia’s basement and it got cold at night so he let you sleep in his arms for warmth. and it was so cute. like you sat next to him and it was cold so you guys hugged and fell asleep (the other kids were jealous)

[everythingwasnormalhere]

In my class they're talking about autism rn, so some ND headcanons for the boys (main 4 + Butters)

Kenny: Definitely autistic it's so obvious to me for some reason Also PTSD. Dude dies 24/7 and has an awful family life what did you expect?

Kyle: OCD, I know it's a kinda popular headcanon but still

Stan: BPD don't ask why he gives the vibe Depression too because. C'mon it's Stan he's depression personified

Cartman: D.I.D. (this is @richierambles fault btw) (disclaimer: people with D.I.D. aren't usually assholes, they're mostly pretty cool. This is just a headcanon for a character that exhibits D.I.D.-like behaviours, who just happens to also be an asshole)

Butters: Autism but a bit spicier than Kenny's (autism4autism real)

[kira-broflovski]

kyle + kenny hcs: comforting a sad, drunk s.o

KYLE

he knows what he's doing

he's taken care of his best friend in this state, so he's going to take care of you

he'll take you back to your place so you're in a familiar and comfortable place

listens to you while he attempts to sober you up

it's better to get it all out of your system than bottling it up

if you've accidentally hurt yourself in the process, then your injuries are the first thing he attends to. he doesn't want anything bad to happen to you

he'll make sure you're in some fresh clothes, nowhere near anymore alcohol, and will sit down with you to watch something light-hearted to make sure you're somewhat happier

the next morning, he'll check up on you and see if you want to talk about it while you're sober

very much the mom friend, and his caring attitude includes you

KENNY

to say he's very worried about you is an understatement

he doesn't like it when the ones he cares about most are so drunk to the point they're in that state

^^ not in a negative way, but he just worries so much after how his parents were during his childhood

will get you home immediately if you're not already

if it was a specific person that made you so upset, he is ready to throw hands after seeing their effect on you

he'll try to sober you up a bit before bringing you to bed and cuddling, he'll let you cry it out in his arms while he rubs your back

doesn't bring it up the next day unless you bring it up first

he doesn't wanna upset you again

but he is all ears if you do talk about it and want to vent

[fennecfiree]

What I think south park characters usernames would be

Stan: Marsh_walker8

Kyle: 69ingchipmunks

Cartman: CartmanBrah

Kenny: KennyMcwhoredick

[nwjn-z]

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 - 𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝟒

warning(s): none

authors note: i was feeling really down about myself so i made these (so i did project on the first one lol), let me know if these cheered you up!

⭑ small chest - kyle broflovski

He honestly doesn’t understand why you are insecure about your chest. He just doesn’t get it bc he’s always thought your chest was cute. He always encourages you to wear low cut tops, body hugging dresses, or whatever it is you are insecure about wearing bc of your chest. Loves seeing the shy look on your face when he tells you that you look pretty when you wear something that reveals your chest a little more. Kyle reminds you all the time how much he loves your body and so should you.

⭑ hip dips - stan marsh

He is so obsessed with your hips. Loves just staring at you when you wear something tight fitting, he just can’t take his eyes off you. He panicked when you told him that his staring made it seem like he was judging you. He literally felt a pain in his chest when you thought he was judging you. Reassures you all the time that he loves your hips by hugging you from behind and rubbing his calloused hands over them.

⭑ scars/stretch marks - kenny mccormick

He also has lots of scars and even a couple stretches marks and he doesn’t see anything wrong with them. He loves tracing and caressing the stretch marks you have (especially if you have some on your chest), and giving all the cuts and scrapes you have kisses. Kenny isn’t a man of many words so he likes physically showing how much he loves all aspects of you.

⭑ being chubby - eric cartman

I know, i know this one sounds cliche BUT hear me out. He’s never viewed your weight as a bad thing if anything he prefers you to be chubby. he likes having someone he can be a foodie with. like most things, he would never admit how much he loves your plush figure but he will physically tell you by laying his head down on your thighs and kneading the softness of your tummy and thighs when you cuddle.

[thevestigeofvanillaan]

married couple hc's with dilf!kyle broflovski <3.

"sweetheart" is his favorite nickname for you.

one time you had ike babysit your kids, never again.. your kids def got kicked around and now your oldest's favorite thing is "kick the baby!"

the first time your 9 year old accidentally let out a curse at the dinner table, your husband couldn't stop laughing for half an hour.

going to the store with kyle is like going to a petting zoo with a three year old. he is constantly touching things. and he finds the stupidest shit to be funny.

coming home from work to see the tv on to some wii sports game with the alert that says "player 2 has lost connection" due to the dead batteries. all the kids except your baby sleeping in either kyle or stan's arms on the couch. and ofc daddy kyle and uncle stan are slumped after getting their ass kicked by a bunch of sober kids in wii sports.

he is such a kid, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know discipline. trust me, your kids stay on their best behavior around daddy.

"do you want your phone taken for the week?"

he wears reading glasses and looks so cute laying down in bed with his glasses and a book in his hands. the way he looks up when you walk in the room and he throws you a little smile and sometimes a wave with a "how was work?" comment on late work days.

kids are crying at night? it's either one of two, "lay your ass back down." or "i got it sweetheart, go back to sleep."

kyle who tells you all about his dreams he had the night prior whenever you guys occasionally shower together.

he would stop by your work to give you a coffee with a nice note from each of your kids on the cup.

[mouschiwrites]

Could you do Craig and Kyle being protective toward their partner who falls asleep anywhere and everywhere because they have narcolepsy?

Can do buckaroo! I'm very sorry if this is inaccurate, I don't know much about narcolepsy-

South Park - Craig and Kyle with a Partner with Narcolepsy

Craig

The first time he saw you fall asleep randomly, he just kind of stared at you

He poked you, wondering if you were actually asleep

He was so confused when you woke up, blinked, and immediately moved on as if it hadn't happened

When you explained your condition, he just nodded, secretly relieved that there was an explanation behind the incident

After that day he made a point to stay close to you

Whenever you start to doze, he makes sure that you lean on him, in part because he doesn't want you to get hurt, but also because it gives him an excuse to be touching you

He isn't really one to seek physical affection, so this is his sneaky way of getting some

Even if it's just for a few seconds, he appreciates the feeling of your head on his shoulder, your warm breath brushing against his cheek

Waking up on his shoulder always puts a smile on your face

But you know better than to point it out, so you just wordlessly reposition yourself and continue on with your day

If you have trouble sleeping at night, you can always count on him to answer a text or phone call

totally not because he was already awake ((insomniac alert))

Kyle

He was actually able to identify your disorder the first time you fell asleep around him

"Are you narcoleptic or something?"

He was teasing, but immediately accepted you when you confirmed that you were, indeed, narcoleptic

Honestly, he was a little worried

He makes a continuous effort to know everything he can about the disorder so he knows how to help you

He'll always check to make sure you've taken your meds (if you have any), you've eaten, you don't drive alone, etc.

He doesn't mean to fawn over you, he just wants to make sure you're safe

He keeps a close eye on you when in public, rushing to your side if he can see you're about to doze off

He'll wait for you to wake up before letting you know that you fell asleep and asking if you're okay

Afterwards he'll be glued to your side for the next hour MINIMUM

He tries to maintain a somewhat decent sleep schedule, and encourages you to keep up with it as well, always texting you "good morning" and "goodnight" as subtle cues

Unfortunately, he usually won't reply to any texts or calls after his "goodnight" text, but if you try a few times he'll pick up the phone

He'll stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep, but he'll probably fall asleep first

He'd never admit it, but he secretly enjoys those late-night calls

Thank you for reading! And thank you anon for your request, I hope this turned out okay! Take care pumpkins <33

[noirvette]

main 3! gaming headcanons!!

i missed kennys birthday because of my college classes wtf happy belated bday to kenny

a little off topic for the post but ive been playing around with the idea of making a band smau (after hours by 777bambi is so good every update got me at the edge of my seat) and ive primarily been focusing on that as of late so my next few posts might just be headcanons

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny and gaming with their s/o!! cw: implied nsfw on kenny's part

♡ STAN MARSH

Thinks it's great to game together, an easy way for you guys to bond and have fun!!

He kind of likes the more nostalgic games, like super mario bros for the wii (this made me look up the game to confirm it's age and it was made in 2009 wtf??)

Let's you be player 1 but the catch is that he gets to be luigi

Stan prefers playing games on the wii (and switch) and or the ps4/ps5. He's a console kind of guy.

Prefers playing video games at your house and he'll even bring the necessary consoles over if needed just because if his dad sees you two playing he's going to whine to Stan about joining in.

Aside from nostalgic games he's also an action game multiplayer fan, lot of games he has is stylized to be fit for multiple people, so think of games like "It Takes Two" or even the multiplayer parts of Pokemon SWSH / Pokemon SV.

If you're a more single player kind of person, he definitely doesn't mind watching you play while cuddling. Would probably fall asleep watching you play.

I could see him playing Stardew Valley co-op with you if you convince him, but doesn't enjoy the whole farming thing too much

He marries Abigail in retaliation for making him play it with you. (Marry Shane and he will IMMEDIATELY divorce Abigail and beg you to marry him)

He still definitely plays multiplayer pc games with his friends, but sees no real joy in playing it by himself (think like valorant or league)

HOWEVER, if you want to play those games with him? Total tryhard but the really bad kind of tryhard.

Considering he only plays these games with Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman and doesn't play it on his own time he kinda sucks lol.

Screams "YOU'RE BAD" into his mic when he actually downs someone. Screams "WHAT THE FUCK" if he gets downed that Sharon comes in running like "Stan are you okay?!"

He gets so frustrated when he dies that he starts literally pouting. Let him get the final kill if it's just you two against one.

Insta-locks on Sage just to heal you only in game

"Sage heal? Sage heal?" -your poor other teammates

You carry him in these games tbh.

♡ KYLE BROFLOVSKI

Unlike Stan, Kyle loves games like valorant, league, etc. He gets to let out his rage easily by winning

When he loses everyone in South Park knows, he's so mad. However he rarely loses so South Park is safe.

Out of his friends he's for sure got the most amount of kills and wins.

Screams "LETS GOOOOO" when he wins LMFAO. Then gives you a victory kiss.

FPS games is Kyle's specialty. He's def an omen main or something.

If FPS isn't your thing or if you're not good at it Kyle gets it. If you're willing he'll show you how to play (and how to get good fast) however just don't play with him, if you're lagging behind (even if you're new) he's so annoyed, but never mad.

Is willing to play other games with you 100%. Also thinks it's great to game together, even if your guys' gaming genres don't match he's willing to play what you like.

Mario Kart is your guys' go to. You always win against him which leaves Kyle in shock so he often demands rematches.

Ike joins with you guys sometimes and you both initially let Ike win. Ike gets mad though because he wants you both to play equally with him, so when you play fairly he still wins because Ike is just that guy.

Kyle is more of a pc gamer than anything, but if console is up to bat he's an xbox guy. Still is a fps guy on console but it's all single player.

HATES fortnite lol. Doesn't get the hype over it at all, he thinks the mechanics are stupid and won't play it. Might if you beg him to but.. you so owe him.

Is more of the guy that prefers you to watch as he plays, however has no issue if you want to take over playing and he watches, he makes you guys snacks to have while you play.

Avid minecrafter tbh, played it mainly for Ike but then got addicted. So now he makes you play it with him too. He's definitely the "miner". Goes all out on making sure you both have the best armor and weapons. Has a shit ton of diamonds so he made you a diamond shovel for the hell of it even though it's a dumb thing to waste diamonds on. Made you a pink wool heart behind your house when you were gone.

Also an avid tile matcher (think candy crush), begs you constantly for lives. Please give him lives he gives the MEANEST puppy dog eyes.

♡ KENNY MCCORMICK

AVID HORROR GAME ENJOYER LOL

Literally any type of horror game is his go to game. Also likes those RPG horror games (think like ib, the witch's house, misao)

Sets you up by saving right before a jumpscare and then has you come over to play it with him and then you get to experience the jumpscare.

Late night horror game playing with Kenny <3 where you two just play roblox horror games all night, sometimes he puts in the comedic horror ones just so you guys can laugh at how bad it is.

He borrowed Outlast from Cartman to play on your console and you still have nightmares.

"Don't worry baby, nothing can get you when I'm here!" "What if you're NOT here though :(" and then cue him as Mysterion for the next 3 weeks to protect you.

Demands to be princess peach or rosalina in any mario game you guys play. If only one of them is an option and you take that character he will refuse to talk to you until you give up the character

Is also another minecraft enjoyer but likes scaring you with Herobrine LOL and that one scary jukebox disc.

"(Y/N)...." "What Ken?" "Herobrine is outside our door rn" (Y/N) left the game

He also likes watching you play games. Lays down with his head in your lap watching you play.

Kenny prefers multiplayer games that aren't limited to just two players only multiplayer. Only because Karen can play the game with you two then.

If you do happen to playing a two player only multiplayer game and Karen wants to join he lets her take over for him.

Kenny also loves puzzle like games (think like escape room games or keep talking and no one explodes).

Really he just loves seeing your face get all frustrated when playing these kinds of games. He rarely gets frustrated with things like these because he manages to somehow always figure it out, but doesn't say anything just to watch you get annoyed.

If you start getting really frustrated at the game and he notices, he does one of three things; he takes the controller or your phone away and turns on a new game, he actually solves it to spare your sanity, or he saves the game and helps take your mind off of the game and onto something else.

[amarthine]

𖦹 synopsis. dating headcanons w the main four — how they treat you in a relationship.

disclaimers. none

note. first post !

butters stotch.

butters is truly a real sweetheart, but he is obviously and unfortunately very gullible at times.

cartman being the one whom sets up the whole thing.

he still gets grounded alot, but not as much. Yet his parents find reasons to still do it anyways.

Sweet boyfriend, friend, and person to be around overall.

definitely asks the guys on advice on how to approach you.

they ripped on him for his blooming crush on you obviously.

shocked when they found out that Butters managed to be bold and actually succeeded in asking you out.

when you guys had your first kiss he got so flustered and blushy, muttering “oh gee”s and such.

hand holding turned into cuddling, and then turned into kissing, and then all three became regular to almost everyday things.

good relationship, for the most part.

eric cartman.

oh my!

an interesting person to date, though it is surely an experience.

he’ll tone down the taunting and insults, he truly does like you after all.

It was shocking when you two got together, shocking. Especially to Kyle.

i mean, he could be really sweet. but he’s still cartman.

he actually get jealous pretty easily, hes also just a very controlling person, someone who wants things to be done his way, or to have authority over someone. he manipulates situations almost daily just because he doesn’t like how something turned out.

absolutely kept his crush on you a secret, but his friends eventually found out.

he can be somewhat sweet in very, very rare moments, even if he acts he absolutely hates it, still does it.

after your first kiss he was stunned for a moment.

he was surprised at himself, but said his small and weak goodbyes and went home.

he enjoyed it though, even if it was just a quick peck.

kenny mccormick.

one of most perverted boys you’ve met so far.

this man is NASTY with the things he say under his parka.

he was smooth when he came up to you, but was somewhat nervous.

same as the last two, absolutely got roasted when they found out his crush on you.

surprisingly, you were the one to initiate the first kiss.

he can’t afford taking you on dates but hes a resourceful guy when he wants to be, and he could come with some good ideas.

he works at city wok, so he earns at least okay money often. Enough for most basic essentials.

can be very flirty and romantic at times, a caring boyfriend most of the time.

you take care of Karen often, even bring both of them food sometimes.

Hes a very physical man which is is relatively obvious, always holding you, your hand, anywhere really.

Just loves being around you in all honesty.

Has definitely visited you as Mysterion before, even before you two started dating just so he can try and shoot his shot.

kyle broflovski.

he is such a great boyfriend, hes just soo

took almost half a year to confess to you, his friends kept ripping on him, and he just caved in after the taunting got to him.

study dates are a regular thing, even then you two can get a little bit distracted.

first kiss was genuine and sweet, yet quick, and it felt like it was from the movies.

Stan never lets Kyle live it down for that one time he got caught gawking at you. ( he does it all the time )

he can get flustered a bit more easily than the others, but also wont be phased by much due to all things he experienced in his childhood.

Kyles tall, quite tall, yet no one questions because hes in basketball.

due to his height, he is really skilled at the sport, not only because of his height but also because of his great aim.

cartman has tried to ruin the relationship multiple times, and kyle shut that down real quick the first time it happened.

as we’ve seen, kyle has a tendency to lose his patience fast so that could lead to him sometimes snapping at you or anyone around him. though afterwards he apologizes tons.

“Im so sorry you didn’t deserve that im such an asshole—.”

amazing boyfriend though. :)

stan marsh.

interesting boyfriend.

he can often neglect you unintentionally due to his bad habits and unfortunate mental issues, especially after watching his parents as he grows up. he fears the same would happen to your relationship.

hes not the best at communicating his feelings with you, but if something serious is bothering him, he will tell you you.

he always just shows up at your house late in the night always because he “misses you.”

unlike the other 4, nobody except kyle found out about stans infatuation with you.

Until you two got together, that is.

first date was at starks pond, mainly sitting together as you talked and talked for hours.

threw up after your first kiss, but he pretty much thought it was worth it.

he once gave you a cool little sea globe thing, where it had dolphins and a lighthouse.

you two listen to music alot together, its a bit of an intimate thing for you guys. even during intimate moments there even just the quietest music.

he tries his hardest to not mess up with you, so expect a lot of gifts, affection, and or drunk paragraphs into the latest hours of the night.

[missuswalker]

DUDE ALL OF UR WRITINGS ARE SO GOOD u literally make Stan sound like a loser AND HE IS!!!! AND I EAT IT UP ITS SO FUNNY AGAIAHJAHQIA THE JUMPSCARE TOO😭😭😭

Could I req hcs of Stan (the slimy. The STINK.) and Kyle (I feel like he always has a prominent forehead vein from all the rage he has in his body) separate with some mutual pining w a f!reader that’s suuuuuper flirty n zesty w her friends like saying some out of pocket goofy shit like barking n meowing or “I’m hard” or like “I need u carnally.” LOL but also gets easily flustered when flirted back with??? I will kiss the ground u walk upon btw (thank you sm I’m literally up at 3:37 giggling thinking of when u post a response to this)

i'm in love with you for this YOU GUYS THINK UP THE GOOD SHIT

stan and kyle with a flirty reader

✮ summary: stan and kyle crushing on a flirty reader (who gets flustered when flirted back with)

✮ warnings: sexual jokes LMAO

kyle broflovski

i can't imagine him getting all "omg i- i- i- i- 😱😱" over it

like thats not happening

his face will get red, yes

but he's not gonna get super flustered over it

he'll be like "🫥😧" and side eye the hell out of you

it's funny to him sometimes, but also, if he's already pissed off, it's just annoying

"damn, tryna take it to the temple? 😏" "y/n, shut the fuck up."

but that only encourages you to do it more

but it makes him think he's not special since you flirt with your friends, too

"bebe, you can be my baybay if you know what i mean 😏😏 just call me mommy 😁"

and then gets upset and hopes you come flirt with him

the first time he flirted back, it was like you shut down

"why ask for my number when you can just call me a good girl" "i bet you'd like that wouldn't you"

IT WOULD SIMPLY BE THAT, NOT EVEN THAT INTENSE

you'd almost start doing the butters foot kick thing like in the episode where he had to partner up with cartman

"what 😁 huh 🥰 say that again? 😊"

he'd think it was so funny

his rizz isn't bad either so it's even worse

would pull the "you don't have anything to say, huh"

he'd start calling you petnames to make it worse

"come sit over here, babe"

just shit like that

realizes he's the only one you get super flustered over, so he makes his move

after a couple more days of torturing you

his ego just expands

thinks he's the shit

pulls out the black tshirt

stan marsh

oh my god he literally is a loser

"hey stan-ley, wanna give me that stan-d?" "woah."

brags about it

"y/n said she'd gobble me up yesterday 😏" "dude, what the flip" "kenny, you just don't get it."

but when he's around you he says the stupidest shit

"looking good, marshy poo" "oh, thanks 😰😁"

when he flirts back, it's all mid

"nice shirt, stanley" "nice face, y/n"

but when it still flusters you, he's like "yeah, she likes me"

"would you be interested in going out with me 🤓"

and then would be all like "uhhh i mean, uh, would you, let's go on a date"

thought he ate the girls up

standing there like "😏"

"yeah, sure"

AND IS SHOCKED

pretends he's not shocked

"oh, sweet 🥱" "like this pussy" "😦"

a/n: i love this so much

not proofread because im lazy (sexy facial expression)