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linksthoughtbrambles · 2 years

Text

Like a hundred-pound draw.

Part 47 of Link's Thought Brambles

“Those two get along handsomely.”

They really do. They both sure like the fudge. Trading bites of all the different kinds. Zelda’s surprisingly good with Chee. And it gives me a chance to give mom a gentle slow dance. I’m guessing everyone else is afraid to touch Sir Lyle’s wife with a ten-foot pole. Not that I think her feelings are hurt, but sitting on a hard seat all evening isn't pleasant.

“It’s helping your sister feel better.”

“…Hhh. Yeah.”

“Now, Link, tell me truthfully. How foul has your language become since you got here?”

“Aw, mom-“

“Pff- hh hh hh- honestly, Link, you’re a grown man, and I’ve little right to criticize your speech. But did you have to let that out around Chee? She’ll certainly use it as an excuse to let it out her own mouth.”

“I was surprised.” Who knows what the hell Robbie’s seeing with those weird goggles, though. For all I know, he can see me ALL the time. That’s a nightmare-inducing thought.

“I’ll keep a list. Each time she says it at home, it gets added and sent with your next letter. Then you can see the consequences of your actions.”

“Ehh. It won’t be that bad. She’ll curse at the cuccos and Linda, that’s all.”

“And neither of them will deserve it. That poor cow. Your sister’s not as considerate of her as you.”

“She’ll get there, she just doesn’t have the patience yet. Are you doing any of the milking or just Chee?”

“Mostly Chee. Sometimes Barrie comes to help and we send him home with milk and eggs, or something sweet if he’s lucky.”

“Apples?”

“Oh yes, just Chee and Barrie there, too. You didn’t think I’d be climbing for them?”

“Just making sure. I’d have yelled at her.”

“No need, my Link. She’s a good girl, just wild. It’s a good way to be. I’m not sure where she gets it from, for it’s in neither my nature nor your father’s. You’re like her and yet unlike, too.”

Father.

“…Link? I just felt your heart quicken.”

It’s not like she’s going to know, either.

“My darling, please. I can see something unpleasant’s crossed your mind.”

“…Did I do something wrong?”

“Like what?”

“I… I don’t know? I mean obviously, I’ve done a million things wrong since I got here, but I think father expected that. It must’ve been something really bad.”

“…Do you mean since he hasn’t written? You said you expected that.”

“I- I did, but then when I pulled the sword… I just thought he’d say something. Send a letter telling me what a serious responsibility it was, or just race back here on horseback to make sure I didn’t make a total ass of myself.” Mom squeezes.

“I’d have expected that, too. He was destined for Tabantha Village, followed by the wild mountains of Hebra. He may simply be snowed in.”

“For three months?”

Yeah. I don’t think so, either. We're only approaching winter now... not that there isn't snow in Hebra even in summer, but now's not optimal snow-in time.

“Did he seem okay when he left?”

“More than okay. He was-”

That is such a complicated look. Sad about having been very happy and not being so happy anymore.

“He smiled so much, Link.”

“…Really?” …Was he glad I was gone?

“He was so proud of you. Told me you made short work of all the other trainees and even some of the knights before he left.”

…Oh. “He didn’t say anything to me about that.”

Rubbing my shoulder.

“That’s just him. Well. He played with Laichee a good deal more than usual. He did one of those rib roasts in the pit outside. Without you around to help us eat it, I ended up sending Chee running through town with the extras.”

“Hehe, why’d he make something as big as that?”

“Well… It’s something he’s good at cooking, and he seemed to be making a special effort to take some of the chores off my shoulders.”

“Because of the baby?”

“Oh no. He didn’t know about that yet.”

Right, right, duh! “Well, I’m glad he was so nice.”

“He was more than nice, Link my dear. He was romantic.”

Ewwwwwwwwwwww-

“Oh, come now. That face! Your father has a loving heart, just as you do. I don’t make faces at you and your Princess.”

It’s… different when it’s your parents.

The king and half his guard are talking over near the door. Planning? We won’t be in this room much longer. It must be past 6:30. Probably later. Zelda… eh, she’s busy. She’ll probably check the slate when-

Oh, dumbass… YOU Have the slate.

Right.

Just a twist up and a quick tap.

“Link?”

“Sorry, just checking the time. It’s… 6:35.” Not much time left in this room at all. And Purah clearly did not shut the slate off, because there’re all my thoughts just showing up on the screen and wow that is fascinating what if I think something that isn’t a real word like FOOFAAAA

“Haha!”

“Link?”

“Sorry. Distracting myself.” Put it away, Link. You’ll have time to mess with it later. Pay attention to your mom! “Are you feeling okay? With being pregnant again?”

“Yes. Nothing too difficult. I’ll make an extra effort to stay awake tonight. I’ve been tiring out early.”

“Oh, mom, are you tired? Do you want to go sit down?”

“Not yet, dear. Too much sitting isn’t good, either. The song's ending, though, isn’t it? And I’m sure you’d like time to dance with your lovely Princess before the night’s done.”

“Well… yeah, but she’s also eating dessert, and believe me, I don’t want to interrupt that. Until last week, she’d been all but starving herself.”

A shoulder squeeze.

“Why?”

“Kind of complicated. Pressure, for sure. Feeling- feeling like a failure. Punishing herself for it. Anyway, if she feels like eating, I sure won’t stop her.”

Here comes Jeralt. Time to relay plans?

“Madam Junilla, may I have this dance?”

Wow!

“Oh! Well, yes, if my son will agree.”

Guess he’s not terrified father’ll hang him by his ankles when he comes back. “Sure, why not? Have fun.”

It’s another gentle beat. Zuho’s keeping it slow for the end.

Maybe I’ll wander over to the girls and see if I can resist trying all the fudge. I really shouldn’t overdo it tonight. After we’re all done in the bailey I’m dragging Zelda down to the kitchen so we canNO NO NO, I’m not. We have other plans.

Maybe I can incorporate this plan into that plan.

And maybe they’ll save us some desserts for tomorrow.

Yeaaah. Yeah, don’t mess with the first plan. Food can wait. Fudge keeps forever. Except of course that everyone else’ll eat it.

“Link, you really ought to try some of this butter-nut fudge. It’s extraordinary.”

“The wildberry one’s better!”

“Your sister and I have had a slight disagreement on that subject. We do, however, both believe the dark chocolate version to be ‘righteous.’”

“Righteous?”

“Yeah because it’s SOOO good it puts all the other ones to shame.”

“Pff. Guess I have to try all three. Uh- unless there are others you recommend instead. I want to keep myself mobile. No overdoing it.”

“Yeah those three are the best, Link. Right, Princess?”

“They are. And I do believe after he eats these, your brother and I may dance again.”

“Yeaaaaah of couuuurse you will. Wonder where that kid Tobe went?”

“He’s probably in the kitchen.”

“Oh, should I-?”

“No, Chee, stay with the group. Later you can find him, though. Or tomorrow.”

“Ria did say she’d be bringing the children back out to the festival after the ball.”

“Oh, yeah. Great, that’ll work out. Ria’s meeting us at the storeroom again with the Princess’ clothes.”

“Does that mean that crazy little girl’s coming, too?”

“Myrri. Yeah, she should be.”

“She is NUTS.”

“Reminds me of someone else.”

“I was never that crazy.”

“Ohhh yes you were. Not so fond of bugs, though.”

“Or thorns.”

“Yeah, true-“

“Or word jokes, that’s YOUR thing.”

“Uh. Yeah, I guess so-“

“She is cute, though. Not saying she isn’t. She’s just not so much like me.”

“Hmmmm.” Is it worth arguing with her about this?

….No. “Okay.”

“What do you mean okay?”

Uh. “… I mean okay.”

“You’re not gonna argue?”

“…No. I’m going to eat this piece of fudge. And then… this one. And then that one.”

And YUM.

Why do I have to be a high-ranking officer already? The captain of the Princess’ personal guard? The sword-bearer? A fricking general? If I were just a lowly guardsman, it would be totally acceptable for me to wait around in the hallway until the ball was over, sneak in, and then suck up as many of these little things as I could stick in my face before the waiters fought me off.

But no. I’m me. And I cannot behave like a living fudge-tornado. Some reasons are social. Others unknown-danger-related.

That’s the butter-nut one down the hatch. “That was amazing.”

“Try the berry one!!”

Also yum.

Yet I feel as if both the Princess and my sister may have missed something critical.

What if you put BOTH in your mouth at the same time?

“Alright, look, you two. These are both fantastic. Can you eat more or are you stuffed?”

“I got space.” “I can handle more.”

“Okay. I have to go easy. I think you should each put both in your mouth at the same time and tell me what you think.”

Chee-shrug. Zelda-very-polite-royal-nod-bow-thing like she’s taking this as a very serious request.

Both mouths loaded. Much chewing. Much thoughtful face-scrunching.

“Mmmm, I don’t know, Link.” “Not as good.”

“What?!”

“Mmm. No, it simply wasn’t meant to be.”

“It just sort of tastes confusing.”

“Aww.”

“Oh dear. I believe your brother was hoping to live vicariously through us.”

“He DID live vicariously through us. We just didn’t get this spectacular experience he was expecting.”

“Poor Knight. Perhaps we ought try with the chocolate.”

I didn’t even try the chocolate by itself, yet.

“Pffff, your face. Here.”

Thanks, Chee. Wow. WOW. “This…. Is unbelievably good.”

“Yup.”

“…It’s perfect.”

“Indeed!”

“… We can’t adulterate this.”

“Why, Sir Knight. Do you dare dictate what I may or may not put in my mouth?”

In through the nose. Out… also through the nose, because I’m chewing. Yes. Calm. Find her eyes. “Apologies, Princess. I would only dare to dictate what goes in mine.”

Wait for it.

Oh yes. Reward. Pink ear-tips!

“Are we doing this, or what?”

“…Certainly, Chee. How shall we approach this?”

“I say you try your flavor with the chocoloate and I try mine with the chocolate.”

“How reasonable. Let’s.”

They’re adulterating it. I hope it’s worth it!

Deep concentration. They haven’t even opened their eyes.

“Hmmm.”

“Mmmm, yeah.”

“… Well?”

“The butter fudge has calmed the punch of the dark chocolate while the nuttiness accentuates the bitter overtones. On the whole, I like it, but I believe both flavors were better alone.”

“Not me Princess! This is SO awesome! Berry chocolate fudge! Try it, Link, try it!”

“I’m really trying not to eat that much, Chee.”

“If I was able to take in a significant amount of fudge, I believe you would not be remiss to indulge in a little more. Chee’s flavor was, apparently, quite remarkably paired.”

Wellll….

I’m nowhere near full.

Which was the point.

I don’t want to be walking around out there feeling full and sluggish. And I definitely don’t want to be resisting the urge to relieve myself.

Can I do those two little fudge cubes?

I think I can do it.

“Alright… last thing. You’re sure this is worth it, Chee?”

Wild head-nods.

“Okay.” One dark chocolate, one wildberry.

Ohhhhhh.

No, Link. No. Chew slowly. Do NOT swallow it. Do not. Let it… exist… in your mouth. It can’t last forever, because the longer it’s in my mouth, the more saliva I make, and I can’t just keep letting my mouth fill up and then drool chocolate-water all over my front. So… swallow just enough to clear it all out.

“Hey Princess?”

“Yes, Chee?”

“Sh sh sh-“

“Heh… alright…”

“Does he make that face when you smooch?”

“OH- hahahaha-“ “KMPH-“

Uugh. I saved it, at least. None of it left my mouth.

“Well. Ah- not exactly-”

“Huh. Does she?”

“Chee!”

“You gotta try harder.”

“You would NOT know.”

“I know what you look like when you think something’s AMAZING.”

You may think you do…

“I take it, then, that you approved of the wildberry and dark chocolate combination.”

“Ohh yes. Really really good.”

“Hm hmm. Really, really good.”

Where did that wicked little twinkle in her eye come from?

“I shall keep that in mind.”

…Keep what in mind? The words? The look on my face? The food itself?

She’s… not going to tell me. Just pulling me back out to the dance floor. Bye, Chee- “Oh!”

“Link?”

“We need to look at the pictures on the slate.”

“Oh. Yes.”

Disappointed. Very very disappointed. “Sorry.”

“No, you’re right of course. Here, let me-“

…Link. She’s just untying the slate. That’s all. There’s nothing suggestive about it. You can’t even feel her hands on you. Just tugs. She’s not undoing your laces. She’s not. Stop thinking about it. She’s clearly not even thinking about it. That’s all-business-face. I wouldn’t want her to have that face on. If she did, I’d have to stop her and ask what’s wrong. I’d want her to have that look… the look she had when we returned to the castle. When she asked me to put her arm around her shoulders. Her eyes darker. Lips parted. Moving slowly, not trying to finish as fast as possible. Drawing out the moment. Maybe- maybe running her fingertips first, before even touching the laces, to- to- to-

Link…

Stop it!

…That’s… she- she’s upright, now. Studying my face.

“Why, Link. You appear suddenly too warm.”

Warm doesn’t even begin to cover it.

“Let’s get you seated.”

Yes, Princess.

Think cool things, Link. Um. Snow? Does that help?

…Not really.

How many times have I been saved by the fact that I wear thick, rugged pants and a tunic? This isn’t so bad. Nothing like what happened when she pulled me into that storeroom. Still, would be embarrassing if I was dressed like that guy over there in the tight trousers and shiny doublet.

…How do those people stay sane?

How do they stay CALM?

He’s dancing with a very pretty woman. I think they’re married, I’ve seen them together here before. Maybe that’s how? Maybe it’s not new anymore? Or maybe other people just aren’t as distractible as I am.

That last one could easily be it.

“Here.”

Seat.

Calm.

Pictures. Important.

She’s turning it on. Aaaand there are my thoughts again, still weird- oh! “That’s all you have to do to get rid of it?”

“Ah- eh, yes. A simple swipe.”

That was easy. Amazing it took her so long to figure that out!

“Album.”

A bunch of nature pictures. Guess she unloaded the ones at the ancient columns when she was at the lab. Whoops. Guess I did take a picture at the lab after all, but it was of my feet.

“Eh hehehehe. I didn’t look at this. You did fumble, didn’t you?”

“Erm. Yeah.” Wow, she didn’t look? She must’ve been ceaselessly occupied.

She has been, really. Not only with the slate itself at first but also with all the drama.

There has been SO MUCH DRAMA.

And then the training yard, and prep for the festival, and researching blessings, and somehow finding time to make me not one but TWO new tunics. I’m guessing Jirolie makes the pattern itself and Zelda sews it. Still… she can’t have been getting much sleep at all.

She’s done a lot for me in the last few days. She didn’t have to loop me in on the festival stuff. She wanted to. I was… feeling overwhelmed. By my position. By my own… confusions in my head that don't let me relax. By the other people in this castle… and by the king scaring the absolute living s@#$ out of me. Zelda helped a lot. She notices more than she lets on, doesn’t she?

“Here are the ones Purah took looking back at the crowd as we departed. The ones most likely to contain something, perhaps?”

It’s a sea of people. So many. “Is anyone obviously… ugh.”

“Indeed. We are public figures, and therefore do draw a certain amount of scrutiny.”

A lot of those people have their faces turned toward us. It’s… not going to be an obvious lurker, is it?

Next one. Not all that different. A few people have turned away, a few toward.

Next. No… no obvious clues.

“Anything stick out to you?”

“No, Link—unfortunately not. Let’s try the earlier ones.”

In the bailey proper. While we were walking.

So many curious looks. Lots of kids.

Heh- hey, there’s Mrs. Rocelle’s head. Looks like she tried to wave at us, we didn’t see her… “That bugs me, Princess.”

“What does?”

“Look. She tried to say hello and we didn’t even notice. The people crush is so much we’re missing things that should be obvious.”

“…It is worrisome. Especially for you. You’re more exposed than I am. Someone… Link, someone could easily be carrying a knife in that crowd.”

“…I react fast. As long as I see it coming, I think I could stop it.”

“I’d feel better were you in the center with me.”

“No way.”

“Why not?”

“It’s an obvious tip-off. I’m your appointed knight. I protect you. If we suddenly change that, it’s obvious we’re afraid of something.”

“Is that such a detriment?”

“You don’t think an ordinary person, seeing that, would be worried for their own safety? At least part of the point of all this is to give these people hope. We can’t look like we’re terrified. Protecting you is reasonable—you’re the crown princess. Protecting me? That sends nasty signals. And… at least now we have a vague idea of where the danger is. Part of me is hoping it’ll pop up and we can deal with it now rather than end the day wondering what it was.” And never be able to sleep soundly again.

Not that I do now.

“… I shall defer to you on this. I… am not a knight.”

“Not exactly. You’re a marshall, though, that must count for something.”

“Heh. Words, only. I have much to learn am I to shift my way of thinking to a military one.”

“You… you won’t be giving up, will you? On your research?”

“Of course, not!”

“Good.”

More pictures.

So many faces.

The guards try not to look at us as blatantly as the rest of the crowd, but you can still see their eyes on us. They just don’t turn.

And there’s Rennie and Greggan and all the guards lining the crowd on that side. The two medics. The guards around the mouth of the second gatehouse. They’ve been bringing the targets and tables in and out of there, which makes sense. That’s kind of the right direction for some of those bad feelings for sure, but there’s also the one that was moving.

They were basically flanking the range, weren’t they?

“She got some shots toward the curtain wall, right?”

“Yes, I think so—here.”

“Pff. Mad Miss Morsels. She’s just about in the right direction for that second warning… though it was moving.”

“It’s not outside the realm of possibility that she herself moved. There’s a cluster of outhouses that way.”

“…Nah. I’d have felt something worse near her. I didn’t.”

“Reasonable.”

“…Nothing’s standing out to me.”

“Nor I, I’m afraid. Shall we go through them again?”

“Yeah.” And again, and again, until we run out of time in… “About ten minutes.”

“Let’s make it twenty. Removing these dresses is easier than putting them on.”

Twenty minutes it is.

Sword… you’d better be ready.

_____

I don’t feel it.

What does that mean?

We’re almost at the range. The bailey’s still loaded. Lit as well as it can be with braziers and torches. Some people seem to have left, but it’s still tough to cut through the crowd. Just as much opportunity for someone to lurk.

Why aren’t they?

Did we luck out? Maybe whoever it was gave up. Or maybe we didn’t luck out, and it simply moved somewhere else.

Like… deeper into castle grounds. Not a comforting thought.

Sword? Are you working?

SwordareyouthereswordareyouthereswordareyouthereswordareyouthereswordareyouthereswordareyoutherecomeoncomeoncomeonswordareyouthereAREYOUTHEREAREYOUTHERE

!!!!!

…That felt… distinctly like a “shut up.”

I’m insulted, sword. You were the one warning me.

I guess it’s not just slacking off… if it’s not warning me, it doesn’t feel or sense or hear or something… whatever that something originally was.

I know nothing. Nothing.

I didn’t feel anything at all near the ballroom, so whatever it is can’t have passed near there. That room’s sort of central-ish… well, west-central. I guess I should feel a little better… it might mean nothing went toward the Princess’ chambers.

Then again, I don’t know the sword’s range, and someone could easily circle around if it knew I had noticed it.

Could someone have known?

“You look worried, Link.”

“…Yeah, Turro.”

“Do you feel it?”

“No.”

“…Isn’t that a good thing?”

“I’m not sure. At least I’m on edge on my own, not forcibly.” Nice to know I can be watchful without prodding. I don’t have to give the sword credit for everything.

“Not that I’d expect to if you don’t, Link, but I also feel nothing unusual.”

“Good to know.” There’s Greggan.

“Princess and all.”

“Good evening, Sir Greggan.”

“This’ll be the longest round for you. Fewer people, more rounds per person.”

“I see.”

“We won’t be having you move at all, and I’m putting you right in front of Rennie.”

Heh. Smirk. “…You figure she’ll win?”

“You’re likely to go right up to the end, Your Highness. There’s some stiff competition here. Most of the soldiers didn’t enter because so many duty schedules today don’t allow it. But I’m sure you’ve seen Kertiss. He’s muscular to say the least.”

I’d beat the bastard.

She might not. And that would be really Goddess-damned annoying.

“And there’s a few others who’ll give you a run for your money. One of the blacksmiths entered, and they build their strength every day with their profession. Farmhands, too. Clarny from Mabe Village is here, and he’s built like a Goron miner.”

Too bad we didn’t have more time. We could’ve buffed her up. Starting at the strength level she has puts her easily in reach of what I can do.

After this, Link… you train your ass off, and you train with her.

“Shall we take our positions?”

“By all means, Your Highness.”

Same deal. We surround her. We have to leave a hole so Rennie can see, and some of the crowd. Half turned that way… half turned toward the Princess’ table. Look sharp. Be as intimidating as I can with my not-so-high-height and my still-wonky seam and my scuffed boots.

The boots might help, actually. Shiny boots mean rich poof. I am certainly not that.

Be loose. Ready to move.

Most in the crowd aren’t people we talked to in town. Those people are running stalls. I recognize many of the other faces, but I don’t know their names.

I see the man who tipped his hat to the Princess on the way to the Cathedral. He has a young-ish boy with him. Maybe 13 years old? They’re talking. Excited. Definitely watching her.

Lots more people filling in. Just a few minutes to the start- there’s the horn. Warning everyone to get over here if they want to watch.

Purah-? Yes. Slate out. Taking pictures.

Can she keep all those? It’s limited.

I’ll ask later.

Mipha?

Looking out.

So hard to tell from the outside how she’s feeling. But… I can only imagine.

Keep watch now.

Hey, there they are. Mrs. Rocelle and the kids. Waving!

Wave back. “Hey, Princess, do you see-“

“Indeed, yes! HELLO, CHILDREN!”

“PRINCESS!” “WOO!” “YOU’RE GONNA WIN, RIGHT?” “BEAT ‘EM!” “SQUEEZE THEIR WIMPY HANDS!”

“Hehe, I SHALL DO MY BEST!”

“SIR LINK! WHY DIDN’T YOU ENTER?”

“DUUUUH, BINA, IT’S CUZ HE DOESN’T WANNA BEAT THE PRINCESS!”

“IS THAT WHY, SIR LINK?”

Do you dare say the joke that just popped into your head? It’s not true. But it’d be kind of nice to say. “NOPE! I DON’T WANT HER TO BEAT ME!”

Wow. Huge crowd-laugh-surge.

I guess I’m a comedian.

That would’ve been a nice job for me, actually. I’m ridiculous enough for it.

…Who am I kidding? I’d be a stablemaster, just like Brinn suggested. Such a good idea. I wouldn’t stop monster-hunting, though. Not fun… but important.

Oh. Zelda’s laughing, too.

“Link, you’re terrible.”

“Eh, just a little fib.”

“Now, you see, I shall have to try extra hard. For if anyone defeats me, they would allegedly defeat you, also.”

“…Oops.”

“Perhaps I ought to have tried one of those famous mighty elixers from the apothecary.”

Damn. I bet she had some rupees on her. We could’ve bought some. Oh well. That would be cheating for this anyway, and we do NOT want the Princess to be a cheater.

Does the apothecary have a stall here? I don’t think so. It’s not the kind of thing that lends itself to it. Too fiddly. Doesn’t seem like an impulse-buy, either, but maybe I’m wrong. It never even occurred to me while we were in there. Guess I was too focused on other things.

“ALRIGHT! THIRD ROUND, SET ONE! LISTEN UP! Help me out here, Rennie—thanks. FIVE! NINE! SEVENTEEN! TWENTY-TWO! THIRTY-ONE!”

Looks like thirty-one’s first for us.

“FORTY-THREE! FORTY-EIGHT! FIFTY-NINE! SIXTY-TWO! SIXTY-EIGHT! EIGHTY! NINETY-FIVE! NINETY-NINE! A HUNDRED THREE! A HUNDRED SIX! HUNDRED-AND-ELEVEN! HUNDRED-AND-NINETEEN! A HUNDRED TWENTY-EIGHT!”

Here he comes. Big guy.

“A HUNDRED THIRTY!”

Not much but big guys left at this point.

“A HUNDRED FORTY-EIGHT!”

Forearms covered in curly hair.

“A HUNDRED FIFTY-FIVE!”

I… am very glad mine aren’t like that. I have enough image problems.

He seems a little pale. Either he’s worried about getting beaten by a small woman, or he’s worried HE’LL win and there’ll be consequences.

“Good evening, Sir.”

“G-good evening, Princess.”

“May I ask your name?”

“Oh, I’m just Dunso, Princess.”

“Please, have a seat. Where are you from, Dunso?”

“Carok Village, Princess.”

“Ah, are you a quarryman, then?”

“Yes, Princess! It’s good work. Makes you, er, strong, begging your pardon, Your Highness.”

“My pardon is entirely unnecessary, sir. I look forward to our challenge.”

“ALRIGHT! YOU KNOW THE RULES! SQUARE YOUR SHOULDERS TO START! YOU NEVER CROSS THE CENTER OF THE TABLE! ELBOWS ON TABLE AT ALL TIMES! NO BRACING WITH YOUR OFF-HAND! FEET START GROUNDED! YOU DON’T INTENTIONALLY RIP YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR OPPONENT’S GRIP! YOU WIN WHEN ANY PART OF YOUR OPPONENT’S HAND PAST THEIR WRIST TOUCHES THE TABLE! THE SET BEGINS WHEN I SAY GO! YOU START EARLY, YOU’RE OUT! SPOTTERS, ATTENTION TO YOUR TABLES! SET ONE…READY!”

The crowd in one corner of my eye. Her in the other. Turro facing outward at my back.

“SET!”

They’re clasped. She looks calm.

“GO!”

He’s strong. Both straining, but he’s straining harder and she’s winning. Slowly eeking his hand toward the tabletop.

Slowly.

Faster.

Down.

“Amazing, Princess!”

“An excellent effort, Dunso. That was the most difficult yet.”

“I’ll be… thank you, Princess!”

He’s up with a nod. I think he’s glad to get out of here. Uncomfortable, maybe? Impressed, I think.

I already see Rennie writing it in his book.

“That was quick.”

Turro. “Yep.”

“How difficult was that one really?”

“It was not exactly a challenge, but I did have to exert significant effort.”

“You could’ve beat him faster?”

“Yes.”

Some others are already walking up to Rennie. Reporting a win or a loss. Winners stand aside. Losers join the crowd or just leave.

There’s Kertiss. Guess he won fast.

That’s… some glare.

Okay. Eye contact’s not really my thing. But I’ll be damned if I look away from this jerk first.

Still looking.

Stiiiiiill looking.

“How’s it going, general?”

Should’ve known. He wasn’t shy about shouting in the yard. “Fine.” That came out mercifully unemotional.

“So, you think the Princess would beat you, huh?”

I regret my joke.

“So, if I beat her, I beat you, yeah?”

Say nothing.

“Come on, Link. Don’t be a coward.”

“HEY!”

Ooh. That made him jump. The kids behind him. Who-

“DON’T YOU DARE CALL MR. LINK A COWARD!”

It’s Jenger.

“YEAH!” “YOU STINK!” “WE’LL-“ “THAT’S-“ “YOU-“

“HEY KIDS!” …Good. They stopped. “I GOT THIS.” Heh. Their tiny little fists are all balled up. It’s cute, but… I don’t know where Kertiss’ dickishness ends. I don’t want him to have any reason to be nasty to them. “Kertiss. Any time I’m off duty. Come find me. We’ll fight it out if that’s what you want.”

…Hmm.

Suddenly quiet.

Maybe I’m not the coward.

Greggan’s pointing people toward their next tables.

Kertiss... isn’t coming here.

Yet.

It’s another big guy, though. Not a surprise.

Two hesitant nods. One for me and one for the Princess.

“Evening, Princess.”

“Ah, Boemer! Good evening.”

“I, ah- that is-“

“If you are about to suggest discomfort with doing your best to defeat me, which some have, please be assured I wish you to fight your hardest.”

More nodding. “Okay, Princess. I… I am one of the strongest smiths in the shop.”

“I believe it—and I appreciate the challenge.”

They’re getting ready. Hands clasped already. Should only be-

“ALRIGHT! SET TWO…READY! SET! GO!”

Oooh. This one’s harder. She did a sudden lift of her head. More attentive. More alert.

And again, his hand is slowly making its way toward the table. He looks frankly shocked.

“W-wow.”

That she’s not responding says how hard she’s working for this one.

And still working.

Scan the crowd, Link.

And still working.

So slow.

She’ll get tired out.

Wish I could see Kertiss… how long his was taking.

Lower.

And lower.

…And…

Down.

Cheers and claps behind Rennie.

“Incredible, Princess!”

“Thank you. You are indeed remarkably strong.”

“I’m glad I had this chance, Princess. The boys in the shop’ll never believe it. They thought I was a shoe-in.”

“I hope they shan’t be too disappointed.”

“Disappointed, no, I don’t think so. Surprised, yeah! Ah- good game, Princess.”

“Yes. Good game!”

Very polite. Nice to hear.

We… were the last table going that time. The others are already waiting.

And Kertiss, predictably, is still there. He’s a fricking bear.

Greggan’s pointing them outward. Five tables left.

Here’s ours.

“I’m so glad to meet you, Princess!”

Well, he’s chipper.

“And I you, sir?”

“I’m Gleppit. I work with the Mabe Village Co-op raising cattle.”

“Ah! I’d heard the co-op had helped the village a good deal.”

“Yes, Princess, we’ve been able to help the folks whose farms and equipment were in worse repair, and now they produce more, and we’re all better off.”

“I hear you’ve been exporting a good deal of milk and butter.”

“We have, it’s been so successful we’ve been turning a lotta cow’s milk into butter, not just goat. It just lasts so much longer.”

The political butter-landscape.

“ALRIGHT!”

She didn’t even

“O-oh!”

need to know much

“SET THREE!”

to talk to him about it.

“Shall we, Gleppit?”

Just ‘I hear you’ve been

“READY!”

exporting lots of milk

“Yes, Princess!”

and butter.’

“SET! …GO!”

Wow. Well, this one doesn’t seem as bad, actually. He must’ve gotten a string of less-burly opponents. She’s got him handily.

Seems relieved.

…He’s down. Crowd-cheer, especially from those kids.

“Aw.”

“Oh dear. I’m sorry, Gleppit.”

“Naw, don’t be sorry, Princess. Everyone’s been saying how strong you are. If I was gonna lose, losing to you is the best way to go out.”

“Indeed! I thank you for that.”

It’s so easy, isn’t it? To talk to her. She doesn’t have this aura of I’m-royal-don’t-bug-me. Neither does the king, really, though that stern/angry/growly voice he has is powerful.

Yet I wouldn’t talk to her for the longest time.

My own fault. Not hers. Though I was by no means the only one.

I wonder… it was my father who put that idea in my head. Did he have something to do with the rest? Did he discourage people from talking to her? Zelda said he never showed her any affection. I can… easily see him just plain old thinking it wasn’t appropriate. Even if he thought she was a cute kid, he’d keep his feelings to himself.

Would he also have told the rest of the guard to do the same thing?

Yeeaaaaah. Yeah, he would.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just blaming him for stuff because I’m annoyed with him.

This… is awkward. Five tables. Five winners. Not an even number. I know Greggan couldn’t control how many people entered, so it is what it is. Still, it means someone sits this round out.

Names… in a basket, huh?

“LISTEN UP! TWO SETS LEFT! ONE CONTESTENT SITS THIS ROUND OUT. WE’VE FIVE NAMES IN HERE! PRINCESS ZELDA! CLARNY OF MABE VILLAGE! BERTOLL OF AQUAME! KERTISS OF AKKALA HEIGHTS! AND MIRRABAN OF CASTLE TOWN!”

She’s the only woman… but she has been almost since the start of the tournament. Shearge entered, but someone must’ve knocked her out in the second round.

…I don’t know if I want him to pull her name or not. If he does, people might cry foul. He’s digging around for it. The paper’s in his hand. He's grinding his teeth. Guess he doesn't like what it says?

“CLARNY! YOU’LL SIT THIS ONE OUT!”

Two more papers.

“KERTISS! YOU’LL FACE PRINCESS ZELDA!”

F#@$.

“BERTROLL AND MIRRABAN, OVER HERE!”

Here he comes.

He’s not smirking. Doesn’t look cocky, exactly. Does look deadly serious. I bet he knows I’m watching his hands and abdomen like a f@#$ing islander hawk. I don’t think he’s the danger the sword sensed… I think he’s just a dick. But I’m ready.

“Turro, be on the watch outward, would you?”

“Yeah.”

“Virn…”

“I’m on it, sir.”

He’s… been good about this. About today. It’s a relief.

“Princess.”

“Kertiss.”

Hehe. That paused him. His title’s gone. Not sure he’d thought about it.

Sinking slowly into his seat. Both hands flat on the table. Searching her face for something. Even the idea of letting him touch her pisses me off, but it’s her choice, not mine. And she sure doesn’t look like she’ll back down.

No small talk, huh?

“SET FOUR! READY!”

Hands clasped. He- okay… he’s not trying to crush her hand. That’s good.

“SET!”

Guess he doesn’t hate her.

“GO!”

…Wow.

No movement either way.

Two rocks caught between moving earth.

Tendons standing out in both their necks. Their wrists. His forehead muscles tensed. I see something sticking out there. And both their faces are starting to turn red, though her breathing’s more controlled than his.

“Gmpk.”

That… sound came from her.

Don’t hurt yourself, Zelda. If he’s going to win, he’s going to win… it’s not worth it. You still have archery to do, and that you will nail as long as Purah’s not an idiot this time.

No movement. At all.

Murmurs from the crowd. A series of ‘wows’ woven together into a tapestry of sound.

“Hoooo. Hooo.”

Trying to moderate his breathing.

Hers is getting heavier. Still even, though. Controlled.

“Damn.”

I… hope she didn’t hear that. Be quiet, Greggan.

“Gg. Gg.”

If it’s hurting you, ease up. Ease up, Princess. Ease- THEY SLIPPED!

“HOLD! Hold. Let’s have a look.”

Checking their palms.

“Sweat. FOURNIER! STRAP!”

Great.

“Apologies, Princess. Sweat makes you slip, and that could end in broken bones for someone. We’ll strap your hands. Is that alright?”

“Yes.”

This bugs me. A lot. Her choice, though. Her choice.

Here he comes.

And they’re belting them together.

“Alright. ALRIGHT! ONE MORE START! READY… SET… GO!”

…Two trembling arms. No other motion.

A centimeter. In his favor.

No, Princess. No-

She’s straining harder.

Her ankles locked together, feet off the ground.

There he goes. Doing the same kind of thing.

“Gmph-“ “Bff-“

No. No, just let him win, don’t just stop but ease up-

Her face has gone BEET RED AND SHE’S PUSHING SO HARD AND SHE MOVED HIM BACKWARD AND SHE’S STILL MOVING HIM AND HOLY S@#$ SHE’S ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT ISN’T SHE SHE’S-

Ohhh… oh no-

Now he’s puffing cheeks with every breath. Something’s jumping in his neck. Pushing back harder, but his hand’s still halfway down, still there, just halted, halted-

“Phooooo- phooooo- phoooooo-“

And another huge effort on her part and she’s pushing pushing pushing PUSHINGPUSHING HE’S GOING DOWN HE’S GOING HE’S HIT!!!!!!!

“Haaah!” “Goddess… DAMN it.”

He looks PISSED off- don’t you dare-

Okay… he’s not. He’s not just ripping his hand out of the strap. He is undoing it, though. It’s off… and both their hands are red and dented.

“Ffffff. Princess…”

“Yes?”

“Don’t let it go to your head.”

F@#$ you, you dick. In fact, “F@#$ you, you dick.”

“Shut up, Link.”

…Oh, we’re staring each other down now, are we? Wh-

“S@#$- Turro what do you think I am, some f@#$ing traitor? Don’t worry. I won’t hurt your precious hero.”

But apparently, he’ll bend over so he can be nose-to-nose with me and Greggan’s now flanking him looking ready to shiv him if he makes one wrong move.

“You know, your dad told us a lot about you before you got here.”

“I figured.”

“You’re a wimpy, whiny, skinny, shrimpy, girly s@#*.”

“Am I?”

“You don’t have what it takes to use that sword on your back.”

“And you think you do?”

“More than you. I don’t get distracted by the color of my f#$*ing hair band.”

“Oh ho ho. Nothing to say to that, huh? You’re not a real soldier. This ridiculous bullshit with you and the Princess is the last straw.”

“Kertiss-“

“NO, Greggan. I’ll say my piece. This is a sham. YOU’RE a sham. Faking it. Trying to make it seem like you’re a real man when you’re not. Sir Lyle isn’t some fool. You didn’t FOOL him. You’re fooling the Princess. I can’t stand watching it-“

“So our PRINCESS is the fool, then?”

“Wh- that’s not-“

“You misogynistic asshole. Get out of my face. Now.”

“Or WHAT?”

“Or I put you in the dirt where you belong.”

“It’ll be the other way around you f@#$ing f@$$)%.”

“HHH!” “KERTISS!” “Come ON, man!” “How DARE you!” “”AH-HH!” “What in Hylia’s name does that mean?” “Oh… my.” “Eh?” “Shut UP and GET OFF MY FIELD!”

Z-Zelda?

Her hand. Slipped into mine. Staring at him. Waiting for him to meet her eyes.

There… there they go…

And…? Now she’s ignoring him! She’s smiling at me instead.

“It wouldn’t matter even if what he says were true. You know that. Don’t you, Link?”

…It wouldn’t?

“I’d love you anyway. Though I would be saddened were you not to feel as I do. Nor would it lessen your extraordinary speed, strength, and skill, nor the compassion you have for others. The true issue, I think, is that some still appear to feel free to treat you so. Or indeed, anyone who does not fit the standard mold.”

Kertiss went real quiet. He’s not even doing the gross heavy-breathing he was a few seconds ago.

“I shall not address your antagonizer again. I shall instead say that he must leave willingly, now, and not return to castle grounds. Elsewise, I shall order Sirs Turro, Virn, and Greggan to remove him immediately and await my father’s judgement.”

“Our king wouldn’t-“

“Now. Willingly. Or else.”

Like a hundred-pound draw. Virn… Virn’s hand is on his hilt. Greggan’s are opened at his sides… ready to grip. Can’t see Turro but feel him ready to push me aside.

…And he’s off. Turned on his heel as fast as possible toward the first gatehouse.

Father… you caused this. You really did.

Not that Kertiss wasn’t already an asshole. But you dumped a s@#$-ass-ton of fuel on that fire. Why would he trust someone like that with information about his own son… especially something he thought was sensitive?

He’s just not good with people, is he? Not at all. He’s not like the king or the Princess. He can’t predict them. Can't read them. He doesn’t know what to do. It’s why his advice is so bad.

“F@#$.”

Greggan?

“I need a moment after that s@#$storm. I don’t even remember who won the other Goddess-damned bracket. We’ll be late starting the archery one. Eh…”

He’s feverishly scratching the back of his head.

“You’re going to make one hell of a Queen, Princess.”

“Thank you, Sir Greggan.”

“Link, seriously man, are you alright?”

“Yeah, Turro. Fine.” Can’t seem to stop darting between each of Zelda’s eyes, actually.

Did she know people thought that about me? It took me a while to start suspecting. Then I found out about the bets. Then Turro said father’d said things. I just… thought she’d be more surprised than she is.

Maybe it’s because I mentioned the looks I was getting. From guys. In the barracks.

“…Holy Goddess, Link, I wouldn’t be. You have some damn thick skin. I’d’ve punched him.”

“Pffh- thick skin? Are you kidding?”

“Not even a little. I’d’ve lost my cool.”

“I…”

Virn?

“I didn’t realize that was his problem with you, sir. I thought… I thought-“

“You truly thought Link was eyeing me.”

“… He WAS.”

“Pff- oh-“

“S#$%, Virn-“

“Eh… sorry, Sir, but it’s obvious at this point-“

“So, why aren’t you still furious with me?”

“The king- I- we’d told him, sir. About the looks. He said he’d handle it, and I thought he meant to dismiss you from service.”

Oh. That actually makes some sense.

“He corrected me later. I- I do regret my words. I just thought it wasn’t allowed. Sir.”

“…You know what, Virn? There are worse things. You’re fine.”

“…Could someone please explain what in the world that commotion was about?”

Oh. Oh, Link. Don’t laugh. Don’t. You’re distracted enough.

I really am distracted. Turro’s looking outward. So is Virn. Zelda stayed between everyone, but my back was partially turned out. Not what we agreed. Return to position, Link. Keep her hand, though.

“It’s a Hylian… taboo, Seggin. Sort of. About who people are attracted to.”

A gentle thumb-swipe. I’ll return it.

“Hehhhh. You Hylians. You make so many rules for yourselves to follow.”

Greggan.

“Alright. I have Mirraban and Clarny going at it already. You’ll face the winner. The unpleasantness here more than justified Mirraban getting the short end of the stick.”

Agreed.

A little squeeze.

“My arm is quite tired.”

Oh no. “…I’m sorry, Princess.”

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for.”

“I do—my big fat mouth.”

“I do not regret my efforts. I’m quite pleased to have defeated him. I… believe I shan’t be fighting this last one quite so hard. I’d prefer to save my strength to be able to draw my bowstring.”

Turro’s feet just shifted. He knows he’s the only competition.

“Princess?”

“Yes, Mipha!”

“I could use my gift. It would restore you.”

“Oh no, Mipha. That would be a waste. And no one else has access to such benefit—I’d feel it were cheating.”

“Alright. I’m here, should you need me.”

Glad she said something. She’s been… awfully quiet.

“ALRIGHT EVERYONE! THIS IS IT! CLARNY OF MABE VILLAGE, PLEASE APPROACH THE PRINCESS’ TABLE!”

Back to her seat.

He is a VERY large man. Crazy tall, muscular and also very very fleshy. His weight alone would make him formidable on a field. Reminds me of…

Oh. He really DOES remind me of Crinno. A lot. Are they related? This guy looks younger.

“H-hello, Your Highness.”

That is a DEEP voice. Soft, though.

“Hello, Clarny. I’m pleased to meet you.”

“I- I’m sorry about that man. He was awful.”

“It’s not your fault one bit.”

“I should’ve picked him up for you. He was little.”

Pfff. Yeah, compared to this guy he was.

“No need. But thank you for the sentiment. Please, take a seat.”

He’s hesitant. Seems like he might actually be a nice person. If she’s going to lose, at least it won’t be to a dickwad. He’s making that chair creak like something else! He’d really need two to sit comfortably across them.

She’s offering her hand.

Woooow. His engulfs hers.

“Ohh. Ohh, you’re so tiny.”

“There are those far smaller than I.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Princess. You can’t even hold my palm.”

Here comes Fournier.

“You’re going to need this, aren’t you?”

And he’s strapping them.

Clarny already looks like he feels really bad. He has this giant, wrinkly pout on. At least, I think it’s a pout. I don’t think it’s just his face.

“Okay… all set. ALL SET!”

“FINAL SET! PRINCESS ZELDA VS. CLARNY OF MABE VILLAGE! READY… SET… GO!”

“Oh.”

…No motion.

Really?

…They’re not shaking, either. Not straining. Either of them.

“You’re holding back, aren’t you, Clarny?”

“I feel bad.”

“Please don’t. You are one of my people. I welcome and celebrate your accomplishments.”

“R-really?”

“Yes. Please do no less than your best.”

“Oooh. I- I won’t hurt you, Princess, but I’ll push harder.”

And he is. Harder. And harder. And harder. And she’s resisting him but not to the point of straining with taut tendons. And… he’s winning the most careful arm-wrestle ever. I think if she even were to twitch, he’d stop.

…That’s it. She touched the table.

“CLARNY WINS IT!”

ROAR!! They’re going nuts!!! I’m not sure exactly what they were rooting or hoping for, but they’re having a good time.

Aw. Clarny isn’t smiling.

Zelda is.

She’s unwrapping them. Standing. Offering him her hand.

“Uh-“

“Please.”

“O-okay…”

Aaand she’s walking him out of the circle- back up Link- “Follow, Turro, Virn-“

Nods, they’ve got it, they’re following, the others are too. Enough that they can see them both for a moment, but not so much that she’s totally exposed.

Those kids! Uh oh, is that a good thing or not?

Maybe not. But it’s not like I can stop them, what would I do? Yell at them like a total jerk? Body-block them?

“You did so awesome, Princess!”

“Wow! You only got beat by the BIGGEST PERSON WHO EVER LIVED!”

“So, Mister Clarny, huh? You know what a big responsbilility it is that you’re even stronger than Princess Zelda?”

“Responsbilility?”

“Yeah!”

“Uh-“

“Hmm, children. Perhaps we ought to allow Clarny to enjoy his victory and worry about any responsibilities later.”

Speaking of…

“But he might be able to carry even MORE than thirteen kids!”

They’re up there. On the rampart. Still safe.